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but the tech team will fix it eventually so I'm stuck in the waiting room and all y'all

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are in here without me. All right okay we're gonna get started right from the get-go I don't

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want to keep you longer than 75 minutes I know everyone's like twice a week Jackie it's so

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intense yes that's why it's called an intensive and hopefully you realize that you signed up for

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an intensive okay so who did their homework let me go ahead and see the hands of the people that

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did your worksheets five of you five of you did your worksheets okay all right sorry I tried to

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get in here a long time ago and I couldn't all right all right let's see I want to see

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who's got their hands up just keep your little avatar hand up if you did your worksheets

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I see only about half of you were able to do that well that's what tonight is all about it's

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about coaching off of our coaching call on Monday and also that added activation of those worksheets

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sometimes will be a video as your activation sometimes there will be an actual activation

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and sometimes there will just be some extra worksheets that I've created based on the material

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we have 12 different modules in this intensive for those of you that also have one-on-one coaching

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packages I've met with some of you guys this week we're off to a great start all of you have at

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least one coaching call included with your intensive and for those of you that haven't

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scheduled that yet you should have an email with links to schedule that on either a Tuesday or

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a Thursday over the course of the next five weeks for those of you that have that one coaching

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session all right if you have any questions about that you can always email us at admin

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at jackiedorman.com but the rest of you the rest of you that didn't have your hand up you're going

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to want to do that work because otherwise there isn't really a lot to coach you on on these

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coaching calls okay so remember yes life is going to come at you fast since I decided to open my

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books for VIP coaching let me tell you kind of all heck is broken loose right we've had more

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technical problems than we've ever had we've had family situations that have come out of nowhere

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there's been health situations and it like not diagnoses but you know different health situations

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that have come out of nowhere just injuries different things happening and so will there be

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pushback for those of you that have done heart work with me you know that I warn at the beginning

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of heart work that there's always pushback the reason why that whole list of things made it to

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the beginning of the heart workshop is because those were things that people told me over and

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over and over again were happening when they signed up and committed time to letting God show them

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why they were stuck where they were stuck and how they could get out of their own way out of

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God's way and go forward it's it's just it's just it's just true those things are things that show

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up or some version of those things are things that show up and then there's the positive things

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that show up dreams people start dreaming people start daydreaming people start coming alive people

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start getting excited about the future people start having breakthrough they start to have

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revealing for healing moments when all of a sudden something makes sense I had a moment like that on

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a coaching call today with one of you a couple of you actually where there was a moment in the

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coaching call where it was like oh yeah you know something just came to me I didn't think this

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before and this never occurred to me before but all of a sudden this now occurs to me that happened

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a couple times today because that's the kind of stuff that's going to happen as you begin to set

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aside intentional time to really focus on this so I can't do that part of work for you only you can

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do that and so I hope that you will do it because I believe you can get a lot of not just breakthrough

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but acceleration in your life as a result of the time and energy and focus that you're sowing into

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this so as always let's pray father we just look to you we thank you for this time together we

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thank you that it's not an accident it's not a coincidence that this group of people have come

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together for this intensive there could be different people here there could be less people here there

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could be um I'm sure that there were several of these people that thought about not coming

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they wrestled with coming with investing their time and their resources but yet they did it

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anyway and because of that I believe that they're here on purpose and with a purpose and so lord I

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pray that you would show that to them that you would confirm that to them that they would feel

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the supernatural weight of this moment in their life where you're setting aside time to really

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they're setting aside time to really focus on this area of their life but also on relationships

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in general and god you've created us for relationships that's the only

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the reason that we're here.

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And so if we don't do relationships well with ourself,

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with you, with others,

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then we can't really call life a success.

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And we wanna be successful because you created us to win.

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And so you created us to win at relationships.

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And so we thank you that we're going to be abundant

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and overflowing and rich in the things in life

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that really make us rich.

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And that is intimacy in relationships

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and specifically marriage, family, lineage, and legacy.

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So continue to do that good work in us

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as we show up.

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Father, I pray that you would show out in Jesus name.

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Amen.

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All right.

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Now friends, control is a huge factor

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on all the one-on-one calls I've had this week

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with some of you, lots of control elements.

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And remember control doesn't have to look nasty.

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It doesn't have to look mean.

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It doesn't have to look like that person

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that's bitter in the office that no one wants to deal with

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because they have to have it their way or the highway.

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It doesn't have to look like that.

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It can look very sweet and soft and kind.

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It can look very manipulative.

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It can look very, you know, my husband always says

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about this one person, he says, there's no guile in them.

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Cause I will say, you know, they're a bit controlling

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and he'd say, yeah, but there's no guile in them.

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And I'm like, yeah, it doesn't have to,

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control doesn't have to have guile,

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which means it doesn't have to have malicious intent.

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But even if they're not aware that they're being controlling

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it still doesn't give them excuse to be controlling.

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Right?

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Right.

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And so what we're doing is we're just opening ourselves up

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for a revealing for healing.

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And this entire Thursday call each week

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is gonna be all about coaching

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on whatever the activation was.

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And so in this case, there were three worksheets

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for you to dig into.

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All right, I made those worksheets myself

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and I hope you enjoyed them.

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I hope that they, you had at least one little aha moment

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during those worksheets.

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Take off my glasses so that I can see up close,

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which is important.

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All right.

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So the first worksheet,

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I have my notes here if I can ever get to them.

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Okay.

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The first worksheet is the control audit.

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I had a friend back in the day

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that used to say something all the time.

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And then I started saying it

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cause it's back a long time ago, maybe 15, 16 years ago.

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She used to say, you don't get what you expect,

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you get what you inspect.

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And that really stuck with me cause it's true.

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Now I want us to have expectations.

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I even want us to get our expectations higher.

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I wanna get us, I wanna get our hope up.

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If your hope's been kind of low,

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we wanna get it up during this intensive.

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But we also want to understand

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that it's not just about what we expect,

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it's about what we're willing to inspect.

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If there's an area of your life that isn't fruitful,

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say you were a farmer.

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Let's just play farmer, farmer Dan, farmer Dan.

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We're gonna make it ourselves farmer Dan tonight, Dan.

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Okay.

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Let's play farmer Dan.

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Say there was a part of your crop.

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Lots of it was really abundant and it was doing good.

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And you would probably go and look at it and be like,

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yeah, it's doing good.

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It's really fruitful.

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It's a hundred fold fruitful over here.

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You probably would pay the most attention to

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or inspect the most.

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Take a closer look at the most,

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the stuff that wasn't working, wouldn't you?

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The part of the crop that's not working.

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The stuff that's going good, it's like,

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hey, it's not broken, don't fix it.

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Whatever we're doing here is working.

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So let's just keep doing it.

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But something's going on over here with the watermelon.

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They're not looking too good.

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They're not getting a big enough.

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The tomatoes, they're full of bug bites.

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You know, like what's going on?

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They're all, you know, got holes all over in them and stuff.

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Like what's happening over here?

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So we would take a look at the thing that's not working.

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But oftentimes what we do is we just focus on what's working

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where we're winning,

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because it's just easier to focus on that.

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And we don't really develop the areas

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where we're not winning.

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And so what we're being invited to do

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is to inspect possibly what's behind the areas of our life

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where we're not fruitful and abundant,

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because Jesus has invited us into fruitfulness.

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And we want to be fruitful with him.

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Okay, so control doesn't have to look controlling.

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You see here on the worksheet, it can be just overthinking.

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Some people are overthinking

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because they want to be in control.

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Your motivation will probably be safety and security,

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preventing calamity, but it's still controlling.

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Some of you really deal with perfectionism.

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You want to be perfect.

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Well, I'm going to go ahead and break it to you.

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You're never going to be perfect.

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And you know who else is not going to be perfect?

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Your future spouse.

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They're not going to be perfect.

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They're going to be even less perfect than you, perhaps.

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because maybe you've made perfection an art form.

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In fact, maybe there are people in your life

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where if we were asking them about you,

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they'd say, well, they're just kind of perfect.

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They've got it all together.

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Little do they know that behind the scenes,

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you have areas where you don't have it all together,

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where you are kind of a hot wreck.

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Okay, and then checking, testing, chasing,

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planning, withdrawing, refusing to do anything

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until you feel completely safe,

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or you have complete certainty of outcome,

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all of that can be control.

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We talked about that on Monday.

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We taught about that.

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And so here is the audit.

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You know, what are you trying to control?

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And then there's a checklist.

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Of course, I hope that you understood

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that you could check anything that feels familiar.

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That's the instructions.

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Anything that you have dealt with at all,

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even if it's one or two times,

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I hope you checked it off there.

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And then how does your control show up?

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Once again, another checklist.

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And I call these self-preservation techniques,

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overthinking, overanalyzing, pulling away,

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looking for signs, pursuing, withdrawing.

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Those are all things that I have a greater worksheet

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that I use for heart work,

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where there's probably about 75

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of the common self-preservation techniques on it.

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And we can share that

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if we think that's gonna be helpful.

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And then I ask you to go deeper.

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What area of your love life

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are you currently trying to control the hardest?

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What are you trying to make happen

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or prevent from happening?

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And then kind of dig deeper.

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What's underneath that?

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Not just the what, but the why beneath that.

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And what is control doing for you?

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What's it do for you

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when you feel like you're in control?

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Does it give you temporary peace of mind?

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And what has it cost you to stay in control?

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And then what fear is hiding behind control?

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So that was the first worksheet.

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So let's go ahead and get some aha moments

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from that worksheet.

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The next worksheet is supernatural surrender inventory.

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What do you need to surrender?

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Choose the things that you need to surrender the most.

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Let's dig into what those are all about.

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If you haven't noticed,

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this is gonna be all about introspection.

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Because when you get really real with God

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and you're willing to dig into this

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and not just say, oh yeah, I've done this work before.

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I've done something similar

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or I don't think that I need to fix anything.

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Well, obviously that's not true.

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You don't need to fix anything,

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but we need to inventory it.

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Because once again, if you're a farmer,

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you're not gonna go out

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and you're not gonna beat yourself up

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if there's a part of your crop that's not producing.

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You're gonna find out why it's not producing.

248
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Does it need more rich soil?

249
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Does it need more manure around it?

250
00:12:39.660 --> 00:12:41.260
Does it need more fertilization?

251
00:12:41.260 --> 00:12:42.460
Does it need more water?

252
00:12:42.460 --> 00:12:44.380
Does it need less sun or more sun?

253
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You're gonna find out, aren't you?

254
00:12:46.680 --> 00:12:48.420
Are you gonna go out there and beat yourself up?

255
00:12:48.420 --> 00:12:51.820
Well, my tomatoes look like crap.

256
00:12:51.820 --> 00:12:53.140
I must be a crappy person.

257
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I must be a broken person.

258
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No, that's not what you're gonna do.

259
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You're going to ask, hey,

260
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if sowing the seed and watering the seed creates the harvest,

261
00:13:06.700 --> 00:13:08.440
then why is there no harvest?

262
00:13:08.440 --> 00:13:09.920
I've sown into dating apps.

263
00:13:09.920 --> 00:13:11.860
I've sown into meeting people.

264
00:13:11.860 --> 00:13:13.380
I've sown into community.

265
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I've sown into myself.

266
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I've done this.

267
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I've done this program.

268
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I talked to a woman today who's done several,

269
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she's done like 14, 15 programs, still not married.

270
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So it's like, okay, why is this not working?

271
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What is happening?

272
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Okay, and that's what this is about.

273
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This is about finding out the why behind the what

274
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so that you can stop trying to control the outcomes

275
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and you can let a supernatural process.

276
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Do you guys know that when you plant a seed

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and then you water the seed, it's a supernatural process?

278
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It's a supernatural process.

279
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So much of it, you can't control,

280
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but you can cultivate it once it starts to grow.

281
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We have no idea.

282
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The Bible talks about how we don't understand the mystery

283
00:13:58.540 --> 00:14:01.300
of how a seed produces.

284
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How does a tiny little seed produce an oak tree?

285
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Do you know?

286
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I don't know.

287
00:14:08.140 --> 00:14:11.420
That's fifth grade science.

288
00:14:11.420 --> 00:14:13.940
Remember when we put the seed and we watched it grow,

289
00:14:13.940 --> 00:14:16.940
we watched the different cases of the seed

290
00:14:17.740 --> 00:14:20.700
get torn apart and all the things happened?

291
00:14:20.700 --> 00:14:24.820
Yeah, but we don't know because that is the same way.

292
00:14:24.820 --> 00:14:26.520
That's the supernatural way of God.

293
00:14:26.520 --> 00:14:28.020
But what else does it say in that list?

294
00:14:28.020 --> 00:14:29.860
It says we don't know how a seed produces,

295
00:14:29.860 --> 00:14:33.220
but we also don't know or understand the mystery

296
00:14:33.220 --> 00:14:35.020
of a man with a woman.

297
00:14:35.860 --> 00:14:38.400
What makes someone fall in love with you?

298
00:14:38.400 --> 00:14:40.580
What makes someone want to connect their life to you

299
00:14:40.580 --> 00:14:41.700
and partner with you?

300
00:14:43.300 --> 00:14:46.380
Part of this is a mystery to us.

301
00:14:46.380 --> 00:14:49.440
Part of it's a supernatural situation.

302
00:14:50.660 --> 00:14:52.980
And that's the part that we have to trust with God

303
00:14:52.980 --> 00:14:54.060
and to God.

304
00:14:54.060 --> 00:14:57.020
But the other part, that's our part.

305
00:14:57.020 --> 00:14:58.660
And that's what we're doing here.

306
00:14:58.660 --> 00:15:00.560
This is us getting out of our own way.

307
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.080
and getting out of God's way so he can do the supernatural part. All right. So I want to start

308
00:15:04.080 --> 00:15:07.440
coaching there. And then of course that third worksheet, cause I don't want to spend too much

309
00:15:07.440 --> 00:15:13.920
time here. I want to spend time here to trust as a verb. So what is yours to own? What are

310
00:15:13.920 --> 00:15:18.960
you responsible for? What happens when you receive, this is really about receiving.

311
00:15:18.960 --> 00:15:23.840
Then there's that permission prayer at the end that I hope all of you did very similar to the

312
00:15:23.840 --> 00:15:30.720
permission prayer and the heart work, because I do believe in giving God supernatural permission.

313
00:15:30.720 --> 00:15:34.800
You're like, well, he's God. He can do whatever he wants. No, he can't. That's not scriptural at all.

314
00:15:36.320 --> 00:15:42.880
God can only do what you have allowed him to do. It's not what he can do. It's about what

315
00:15:42.880 --> 00:15:49.360
you believe he can do, what you allow him to do. And so if you need to revisit surrender daily,

316
00:15:49.360 --> 00:15:56.160
I encourage you to do it. God, I'm getting out of your way. I'm surrendering the pen.

317
00:15:56.160 --> 00:16:00.320
You're writing the story. I'm doing what I need to do so you can do what you need to do. I'm not

318
00:16:00.320 --> 00:16:05.600
doing your part. I'm only doing my part. Help me see my part. So I don't try to play your part.

319
00:16:05.600 --> 00:16:11.360
You know, I'm giving you permission. I can already see that some of you that I've already met with,

320
00:16:11.360 --> 00:16:16.240
cause I haven't met with all of you yet, but I can see that some of you, your type, you know,

321
00:16:16.240 --> 00:16:20.880
your idea of what love needs to look like, how it needs to show up, what package is going to come

322
00:16:20.880 --> 00:16:27.200
in is already in your way. And trust me, when you're looking for something very specific,

323
00:16:27.200 --> 00:16:33.600
you will not notice anything else. I can't tell you how many of my clients have missed the love

324
00:16:33.600 --> 00:16:42.640
right in front of their face until they did this type of work. And then the filters come off,

325
00:16:43.600 --> 00:16:48.080
the blinders come off. They can see over here and over here, not just right here,

326
00:16:48.080 --> 00:16:53.280
not tunnel vision. And then they begin to see things that were there all the time.

327
00:16:54.240 --> 00:17:00.480
And I'm so excited about that for so many of you. Remember the number one, number one testimony I

328
00:17:00.480 --> 00:17:05.200
get is Jackie. I would have never noticed this person. I would have never given this person a

329
00:17:05.200 --> 00:17:09.200
chance. This person's not what I thought that I would end up with. They're not necessarily my type,

330
00:17:09.200 --> 00:17:13.760
but I'm so happy. This is so amazing. It's the best thing that I never knew I even wanted.

331
00:17:16.880 --> 00:17:22.240
And that right there, a little spark of fear just came into several people's hearts

332
00:17:23.119 --> 00:17:28.400
because they think that that's translated as the kids would say they're chopped.

333
00:17:29.280 --> 00:17:32.240
That's what the kids would say that you're going to end up with someone who's chopped,

334
00:17:33.760 --> 00:17:38.560
but just means that, you know, they're not, they're not something that other people would

335
00:17:38.560 --> 00:17:42.480
want. You know, the saying that's like, what am I chopped liver? Like chopped liver is a bad thing.

336
00:17:42.480 --> 00:17:48.480
So that's, I think where the kid's saying comes from like chopped. But that is not what I'm

337
00:17:48.480 --> 00:17:54.160
saying. What I'm saying is, is you're in your own way and you think you know what you want,

338
00:17:54.960 --> 00:17:59.760
but God knows what you need before you even ask. All right. So we're going to start out the bidding

339
00:17:59.760 --> 00:18:05.120
with who wants to talk about supernatural surrender? Who wants to talk about the control

340
00:18:05.120 --> 00:18:10.160
worksheet, anything, any aha moments, any place where you were stuck, any place where you got

341
00:18:10.160 --> 00:18:15.120
offended. Offense is always great because it's pointing to a hard place in our heart where

342
00:18:15.120 --> 00:18:20.640
there's nothing maybe being cultivated. No holds barred here. You're not going to hurt my feelings.

343
00:18:20.640 --> 00:18:26.640
And I am definitely not trying to hurt yours. All right. Okay. Angie, you're up.

344
00:18:31.680 --> 00:18:34.880
Oh, do you just have your hand up for doing the homework? Everyone put their hands down.

345
00:18:34.880 --> 00:18:38.720
Only put your hands up if you are ready to ask questions. Remember, this is all about Q and A.

346
00:18:39.440 --> 00:18:49.360
All right. Amy, go ahead. You're up. Okay. It was interesting because I've always

347
00:18:49.360 --> 00:18:55.040
had these dreams of making a mistake and bad dreams about walking down the aisle and not

348
00:18:55.040 --> 00:19:01.680
knowing who's at the end. And I mean like all my life and the dreams have kind of changed recently

349
00:19:02.560 --> 00:19:07.840
to where now I'm in. And then I was, I also dreamed, I should say, that I was being chased

350
00:19:08.400 --> 00:19:12.960
and like I had some really bad, bad dreams where somebody was always after me. I could never see

351
00:19:12.960 --> 00:19:18.960
who it was, but they were after me and all this stuff. And recently they've changed to where now

352
00:19:19.680 --> 00:19:25.360
I'm somewhere and there are these men and they're men of God. And they go, and I'm like, they go,

353
00:19:25.440 --> 00:19:30.160
oh, wait, you need to go over here. And I go, oh, and then I realized, oh, they're safe.

354
00:19:30.160 --> 00:19:35.600
Like, so I think for me, I guess I say that because I've had two dreams now where that's

355
00:19:35.600 --> 00:19:40.320
happened, where these men have shown up and they've been giving me guidance and direction

356
00:19:40.320 --> 00:19:44.480
and they've been safe and I can trust them. And there's a big difference between them

357
00:19:44.480 --> 00:19:49.760
and the other people that I've trusted. And I think for me, the whole control thing comes down

358
00:19:49.760 --> 00:19:58.800
to trust and just feeling like I'm going to get sucked into something fake and be made a fool of

359
00:19:58.800 --> 00:19:59.840
and never.

360
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.500
or and make a big mistake and just look really foolish.

361
00:20:03.500 --> 00:20:05.540
And I already feel like I'm really foolish.

362
00:20:05.540 --> 00:20:06.380
You know what I mean?

363
00:20:06.380 --> 00:20:07.340
So.

364
00:20:07.340 --> 00:20:08.180
Well, let me ask you this

365
00:20:08.180 --> 00:20:09.380
because you're not saying

366
00:20:09.380 --> 00:20:11.940
that you've had this fear just recently.

367
00:20:11.940 --> 00:20:12.900
No.

368
00:20:12.900 --> 00:20:14.980
But you've had it for a long, long time.

369
00:20:14.980 --> 00:20:17.700
Has that ever happened to anyone that you know?

370
00:20:20.020 --> 00:20:20.860
No.

371
00:20:20.860 --> 00:20:21.840
They were tricked.

372
00:20:22.940 --> 00:20:24.480
The person wasn't who they said they were.

373
00:20:24.480 --> 00:20:26.060
They ended up in a false marriage

374
00:20:26.060 --> 00:20:27.500
with someone who really didn't love them.

375
00:20:27.500 --> 00:20:29.760
Someone who was using them, taking advantage of them.

376
00:20:29.780 --> 00:20:31.760
Anybody you know, has this happened to?

377
00:20:33.760 --> 00:20:36.340
I mean, I've had a couple of friends that got married

378
00:20:36.340 --> 00:20:39.820
and were very unhappy and left within a few years.

379
00:20:39.820 --> 00:20:40.660
Okay.

380
00:20:40.660 --> 00:20:42.020
But it wasn't that the person necessarily

381
00:20:42.020 --> 00:20:43.180
was a different person,

382
00:20:43.180 --> 00:20:46.180
but they turned out to be maybe jealous or controlling

383
00:20:46.180 --> 00:20:48.100
or something like that.

384
00:20:48.100 --> 00:20:49.300
The reason why I'm asking Amy this,

385
00:20:49.300 --> 00:20:50.420
and go ahead and raise your hand

386
00:20:50.420 --> 00:20:51.740
if you've ever had those dreams

387
00:20:51.740 --> 00:20:53.020
where you get to the wedding,

388
00:20:53.020 --> 00:20:54.600
it's your wedding and you're not ready.

389
00:20:54.600 --> 00:20:56.900
Like your dress isn't right, your shoes,

390
00:20:56.900 --> 00:20:58.740
you know, you don't know who's coming down the aisle.

391
00:20:58.760 --> 00:21:00.080
You don't know who you're marrying.

392
00:21:00.080 --> 00:21:00.900
You have no idea.

393
00:21:00.900 --> 00:21:01.800
You're missing something.

394
00:21:01.800 --> 00:21:02.640
You're late.

395
00:21:02.640 --> 00:21:03.960
You don't know how to get there.

396
00:21:03.960 --> 00:21:05.640
Anyone ever had any kind of dreams like that

397
00:21:05.640 --> 00:21:06.480
about your wedding?

398
00:21:06.480 --> 00:21:08.840
Dan, you as well, anything like that?

399
00:21:08.840 --> 00:21:10.880
The reason why I'm asking Amy this question

400
00:21:10.880 --> 00:21:13.520
about who do you know who that's happened to?

401
00:21:13.520 --> 00:21:16.240
And I kind of thought she might say really nobody

402
00:21:16.240 --> 00:21:18.920
because that comes from somewhere.

403
00:21:18.920 --> 00:21:21.540
Now, if she just had that fear just every once,

404
00:21:21.540 --> 00:21:23.640
like maybe once or twice in her whole life,

405
00:21:23.640 --> 00:21:24.760
then maybe it's a fluke.

406
00:21:24.760 --> 00:21:27.260
Maybe it's from media or television or something

407
00:21:27.260 --> 00:21:29.520
that she picked up somewhere along the line

408
00:21:29.520 --> 00:21:31.440
because of a story that she overheard,

409
00:21:31.440 --> 00:21:33.600
but she's had it for a long time.

410
00:21:33.600 --> 00:21:35.240
And it's kind of deep rooted, right?

411
00:21:35.240 --> 00:21:36.960
Because she's actually playing it out

412
00:21:36.960 --> 00:21:39.700
in her unconscious during her dreams.

413
00:21:39.700 --> 00:21:41.720
So where does it come from?

414
00:21:41.720 --> 00:21:43.940
So this is a revealing for healing moment for you, Amy,

415
00:21:43.940 --> 00:21:46.040
because you need to just ask God point blank,

416
00:21:46.040 --> 00:21:48.020
hey, I need you to show me Holy Spirit.

417
00:21:48.020 --> 00:21:49.600
Where does this come from?

418
00:21:49.600 --> 00:21:50.440
Yeah.

419
00:21:50.440 --> 00:21:51.260
Why?

420
00:21:51.260 --> 00:21:52.560
Why have I felt this way?

421
00:21:52.560 --> 00:21:54.400
It's not like I had a front row seat to it.

422
00:21:54.400 --> 00:21:55.880
This isn't my parent's story.

423
00:21:55.880 --> 00:21:57.980
This isn't a good friend's story.

424
00:21:57.980 --> 00:22:00.300
It's not my sister's story, my brother's story.

425
00:22:00.300 --> 00:22:03.980
So because of that, it's in me.

426
00:22:03.980 --> 00:22:06.020
It got sown into me somewhere

427
00:22:06.020 --> 00:22:08.180
and now it's bearing fruit of fear.

428
00:22:09.300 --> 00:22:11.260
It might actually be keeping me single.

429
00:22:11.260 --> 00:22:13.700
And so I need to know where it comes from.

430
00:22:13.700 --> 00:22:16.660
So we want you to pray into that.

431
00:22:16.660 --> 00:22:18.220
And I believe that God's gonna answer you

432
00:22:18.220 --> 00:22:19.680
because that's why you're here.

433
00:22:19.680 --> 00:22:22.460
And you are going to have something to share with us

434
00:22:22.460 --> 00:22:24.260
about where you think.

435
00:22:24.320 --> 00:22:26.360
And friends, it can come from something

436
00:22:26.360 --> 00:22:27.960
that doesn't even seem related.

437
00:22:29.240 --> 00:22:32.200
It can come from an entirely different type of trauma.

438
00:22:33.240 --> 00:22:35.600
So it doesn't have to be marriage related.

439
00:22:35.600 --> 00:22:37.160
It doesn't have to be husband related.

440
00:22:37.160 --> 00:22:39.380
It doesn't have to even be man related.

441
00:22:39.380 --> 00:22:42.040
And so that's why when it comes to you,

442
00:22:42.040 --> 00:22:43.520
a lot of times people might dismiss it.

443
00:22:43.520 --> 00:22:46.780
Like, how would I get from there to here?

444
00:22:46.780 --> 00:22:51.000
Trust me, trauma does not hit everyone the same way.

445
00:22:51.000 --> 00:22:54.060
Things that happen do not always make sense

446
00:22:54.760 --> 00:22:56.000
in the way that they affect us.

447
00:22:56.000 --> 00:22:58.200
Okay, and we're gonna talk about that more next week.

448
00:22:58.200 --> 00:23:00.440
I mean, I'll introduce next week's topic

449
00:23:00.440 --> 00:23:01.520
at the end of tonight.

450
00:23:01.520 --> 00:23:03.200
So Amy, thank you for sharing.

451
00:23:03.200 --> 00:23:04.040
I'm glad that your,

452
00:23:04.040 --> 00:23:06.800
I'm glad that your dreams are getting better.

453
00:23:06.800 --> 00:23:09.400
I know, I was so excited twice now.

454
00:23:09.400 --> 00:23:11.620
I've had great dreams instead of nightmares

455
00:23:11.620 --> 00:23:15.000
because I've had the worst nightmares my whole life.

456
00:23:15.000 --> 00:23:17.960
Are there always two guys in these dreams?

457
00:23:17.960 --> 00:23:20.160
No, usually there's been one person

458
00:23:20.160 --> 00:23:21.460
that's been chasing me.

459
00:23:21.460 --> 00:23:23.320
And then the last, but the last couple of dreams,

460
00:23:23.380 --> 00:23:27.340
there's been multiple men that are guiding me

461
00:23:27.340 --> 00:23:29.860
and telling me, you're safe, you need to do this,

462
00:23:29.860 --> 00:23:30.700
or you need to go there, or.

463
00:23:30.700 --> 00:23:33.260
I mean, but are they multiple men in the same dream

464
00:23:33.260 --> 00:23:35.500
or just different dreams with one man?

465
00:23:35.500 --> 00:23:37.640
Same dream, multiple men.

466
00:23:37.640 --> 00:23:39.560
Oh, interesting, okay.

467
00:23:39.560 --> 00:23:42.780
One, I was on a plane and this guy was telling me,

468
00:23:42.780 --> 00:23:44.580
you need to sit over here, don't sit with this guy.

469
00:23:44.580 --> 00:23:45.940
He's a real jerk.

470
00:23:45.940 --> 00:23:47.660
And I was like, well, who are you?

471
00:23:47.660 --> 00:23:49.740
And he goes, well, just believe me,

472
00:23:49.740 --> 00:23:51.380
I'm just telling you, I'm saving you

473
00:23:51.400 --> 00:23:53.960
from being with this idiot over here.

474
00:23:53.960 --> 00:23:54.880
And I'm like, oh, okay.

475
00:23:54.880 --> 00:23:57.480
And so I believed him and then I was like, wow,

476
00:23:57.480 --> 00:23:58.320
he's different.

477
00:23:58.320 --> 00:23:59.360
You guys see what's happening there?

478
00:23:59.360 --> 00:24:01.320
She's seeing men as protectors,

479
00:24:01.320 --> 00:24:04.440
men as guardians are showing up in her dreams.

480
00:24:04.440 --> 00:24:05.280
Yes.

481
00:24:05.280 --> 00:24:08.000
Men as, yeah, men as protectors, as guardians.

482
00:24:08.000 --> 00:24:10.120
And they're not trying to be romantically with you,

483
00:24:10.120 --> 00:24:11.120
they're just trying to protect you

484
00:24:11.120 --> 00:24:13.440
from someone who has bad motivations.

485
00:24:13.440 --> 00:24:15.520
Yep, that's been all it's been, yeah.

486
00:24:15.520 --> 00:24:17.060
Yeah, yeah.

487
00:24:17.060 --> 00:24:18.940
What kind of dad did you have?

488
00:24:19.520 --> 00:24:21.680
Oh, he was really funny.

489
00:24:21.680 --> 00:24:22.920
He had a great sense of humor,

490
00:24:22.920 --> 00:24:26.080
but he's super controlling, super controlling.

491
00:24:26.080 --> 00:24:30.600
And he did not want me to do anything in my life without him.

492
00:24:31.800 --> 00:24:32.860
So, yeah.

493
00:24:32.860 --> 00:24:34.400
Yeah, well, we may have found

494
00:24:34.400 --> 00:24:36.400
some of that chi trauma there, right there.

495
00:24:36.400 --> 00:24:37.680
Okay, all right.

496
00:24:37.680 --> 00:24:39.600
So yeah, and if it has to do with that,

497
00:24:39.600 --> 00:24:43.360
even though obviously that doesn't have anything to do with,

498
00:24:43.360 --> 00:24:45.640
I mean, did dad have really strong opinions

499
00:24:45.640 --> 00:24:47.320
about who you should marry and what you should do?

500
00:24:47.320 --> 00:24:48.160
Oh, yes.

501
00:24:48.700 --> 00:24:50.700
Oh, I didn't even want to take anyone home.

502
00:24:50.700 --> 00:24:53.100
If I took someone home, they would leave.

503
00:24:53.100 --> 00:24:55.140
I mean, we broke up like within a week

504
00:24:55.140 --> 00:24:56.620
after I would take somebody home.

505
00:24:56.620 --> 00:24:58.420
Friends, we didn't have to dig very far.

506
00:24:58.420 --> 00:25:00.060
Dad was sowing fear into her.

507
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.820
to, you know, bringing, uh, bring the wrong guy home or choosing the wrong guy or what

508
00:25:03.820 --> 00:25:08.280
might happen to her. It sounds like dad thought that all men were kind of bad and until there

509
00:25:08.280 --> 00:25:12.600
was a good one. And so now you have more of these positive father figures showing up in

510
00:25:12.600 --> 00:25:18.680
your dreams, positive protectors saying, Hey, you know, um, I I'm gonna, I'm going to protect

511
00:25:18.680 --> 00:25:22.640
you come over here and sit over here, do this, stay away from this person kind of thing,

512
00:25:22.640 --> 00:25:27.880
but in a less controlling and domineering way and more of a kind of inviting and protecting

513
00:25:27.880 --> 00:25:29.880
way. Yes. Okay.

514
00:25:29.880 --> 00:25:34.240
So I feel like there's some breakthrough happening there. So keep pressing into that. Um, ask

515
00:25:34.240 --> 00:25:38.240
God since we're kind of seeing a little bit already, see how quick Holy Spirit can reveal

516
00:25:38.240 --> 00:25:42.560
things. Friends. We're starting to see already that some of this fear of choosing wrong and

517
00:25:42.560 --> 00:25:46.760
having dreams and nightmares of the wrong man chasing you or getting you or marrying

518
00:25:46.760 --> 00:25:53.480
you may come from dad constantly, you know, sewing that into you. Um, so let's pray into

519
00:25:53.480 --> 00:26:02.760
that some more, ask God to show you what kind of, um, you know, what kind of, uh, like,

520
00:26:02.760 --> 00:26:06.320
well this we're going to get to next week, but what kind of counterfeit that's creating

521
00:26:06.320 --> 00:26:13.560
in you as far as in, in your love life? This is making me so happy. Thank you. Yes. You

522
00:26:13.560 --> 00:26:16.760
guys, we're going to, this is what next week's about. Let's give you a little preview. Trauma

523
00:26:16.760 --> 00:26:21.160
doesn't just hurt us. It creates different versions of us. Okay. So we don't even know

524
00:26:21.160 --> 00:26:25.440
what Amy would have been like in her love life without this, without this influence

525
00:26:25.440 --> 00:26:29.320
of this controlling domineering father who wanted to make these important decisions for

526
00:26:29.320 --> 00:26:33.320
her and didn't want her to make them for herself. We don't know what she would have been like

527
00:26:33.320 --> 00:26:37.520
because this is her experience. And so that experience has created a different version

528
00:26:37.520 --> 00:26:41.880
of Amy. Now it could have created a really rebellious, like screw you dad, I'll do whatever

529
00:26:41.880 --> 00:26:45.560
I want. And she could have ended up with a lot of bad guys just to spite dad. But it's,

530
00:26:45.560 --> 00:26:49.560
it's actually the opposite has happened. She's been scared of her own shadow. She doesn't

531
00:26:49.560 --> 00:26:53.400
want to make any decisions. She's completely shut down this area of her life, but still,

532
00:26:53.400 --> 00:26:57.600
that's a counterfeit Amy. That's not who God designed you to be. And so we're going to

533
00:26:57.600 --> 00:27:06.120
get you into your divine, you know, self in this area. It's going to be great. All right,

534
00:27:06.120 --> 00:27:15.120
Helen. Hello, Helen. You're up. Hello. I used to have, I used to be part of a ministry where

535
00:27:15.120 --> 00:27:20.040
you had to say like a description of your name, like starting with your, the letter.

536
00:27:20.040 --> 00:27:27.800
So I used to be hallelujah Helen. And I used to be heavenly Helen back in the day. So,

537
00:27:27.800 --> 00:27:31.760
and that's how they had you do it. So you could remember people's names. So it's been

538
00:27:31.760 --> 00:27:36.520
a big circle. You'd be like 40, 50 people in one class in the ministry school. And everybody

539
00:27:36.520 --> 00:27:40.320
had to come up with a thing. And then we just started calling each other that. So people

540
00:27:40.520 --> 00:27:46.160
to this day, this will call me hallelujah Helen. Oh, I love that. Okay. Awesome. I have

541
00:27:46.160 --> 00:27:51.600
a question about vulnerability. I don't know if that's part of what we're doing. I mean,

542
00:27:51.600 --> 00:27:57.600
sure. Okay. So last time you shared about your mom, like keeping all these things like

543
00:27:57.600 --> 00:28:04.400
till her last like years. And obviously you have to have discernment on who you share

544
00:28:04.400 --> 00:28:10.720
with and how much and when, you know, the safe people, the unsafe, all of that. When

545
00:28:10.720 --> 00:28:16.640
it comes to your, I feel like I'm the only one, I know I'm not the only one who has deep

546
00:28:16.640 --> 00:28:24.040
dark stuff. Right. Are you saying just in the terms of spirit mate, you're saying you

547
00:28:24.040 --> 00:28:29.080
got to reveal a hundred percent, like everything before engagement or in the course of your

548
00:28:29.080 --> 00:28:33.960
lifetime together, or like w what, what is that timeline of revealing like, like everything?

549
00:28:34.920 --> 00:28:38.520
Here's the thing in, in the case of my mom, this is a really good question, Helen. I'm

550
00:28:38.520 --> 00:28:43.720
glad you asked it in the case of my mom, you know, these were things that she would have

551
00:28:43.720 --> 00:28:49.240
really benefited from sharing with the people that she was an intimate relationship with,

552
00:28:50.120 --> 00:28:54.760
um, you know, holding these things inside was not healthy for her. It was not good.

553
00:28:54.760 --> 00:28:59.720
These things actually did pertain to those relationships. And it would have been really

554
00:28:59.720 --> 00:29:03.800
important for her to share those things, but she did not feel safe. The lie that she was

555
00:29:03.800 --> 00:29:08.200
believing is, is that if I show people these things, then they're not going to love me anymore.

556
00:29:09.080 --> 00:29:14.040
You know, if I tell people this, then, you know, if, if I tell people that this is who I am,

557
00:29:14.040 --> 00:29:18.600
or this is how I feel about this, and they're not going to want me anymore. And so that was

558
00:29:18.600 --> 00:29:23.400
why it was important and really sad for me that I ended up being the keeper of those secrets or

559
00:29:23.400 --> 00:29:28.680
the keeper of how she was feeling. And she did not talk to the people that she supposedly was

560
00:29:28.680 --> 00:29:34.200
so close to for the last, you know, 40 years. And so that's why I say that, but let's talk

561
00:29:34.200 --> 00:29:38.840
about what Helen's talking about really quickly. A lot of people, they don't even know this,

562
00:29:38.840 --> 00:29:47.240
but part of the reason why they are not in a intimate relationship is because they know

563
00:29:47.240 --> 00:29:57.240
that intimacy requires into me see. So they become more avoidantly attached. They become

564
00:29:57.240 --> 00:29:59.880
people who, when things get a little bit D

565
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:06.640
things get a little bit more serious. They start finding problems with that person. They kind of

566
00:30:06.640 --> 00:30:13.040
cut and run before things can get to a place where they really have to share parts of themselves that

567
00:30:13.040 --> 00:30:19.000
maybe they think other people either won't appreciate or won't understand or will reject

568
00:30:19.000 --> 00:30:24.000
them over. So be watching for that in yourself. If you're the kind of person who, you know,

569
00:30:24.880 --> 00:30:31.760
has a tendency to end a relationship before it can get really good, that's really important to know.

570
00:30:31.760 --> 00:30:37.760
But as far as do we need to tell people everything about ourselves? Not at first. And I don't think

571
00:30:37.760 --> 00:30:42.560
that you should. We'll do a little dating coaching here. There are people here in this room and

572
00:30:42.560 --> 00:30:48.640
people that are watching replay in this group that you have some, got some trauma. You've been

573
00:30:48.640 --> 00:30:52.800
through some stuff and maybe even you're the villain of some of those stories, so to speak.

574
00:30:52.800 --> 00:30:57.840
Maybe it was mistakes that you made. Maybe you cheated on a spouse. Maybe you, you know, did

575
00:30:57.840 --> 00:31:04.080
something else that you think other people would judge you for, especially like a romantic interest.

576
00:31:04.080 --> 00:31:10.720
Perhaps you have an STD from a relationship or whatever it is. It doesn't matter what you do

577
00:31:10.720 --> 00:31:17.680
not have to disclose that type of information to anyone that you're not in a intimate marriage

578
00:31:17.680 --> 00:31:25.760
minded, um, covenantal type of courtship. And then sometimes not even that I had a very rough

579
00:31:25.760 --> 00:31:31.200
childhood with a lot of abuse in it. Every type of abuse you can imagine. And David and I were

580
00:31:31.200 --> 00:31:36.320
neighbors. We were friends. I, you know, I shared little bits and pieces of my life when I started

581
00:31:36.320 --> 00:31:43.200
dating him. He knew that I'd come from a lot of dysfunction, but we're 20 years into our marriage.

582
00:31:43.200 --> 00:31:49.360
And I think like maybe two weeks ago, something came up, something was in the news, something

583
00:31:49.360 --> 00:31:53.440
happened that triggered for me a memory. And I said, you know, I said, that reminds me of the

584
00:31:53.440 --> 00:31:59.040
time that blank, blank, blank happened to me. And he was like, babe, he's like, that's terrible.

585
00:31:59.040 --> 00:32:03.360
He's like, every time you, you share about your childhood, he's like, it just makes me want to cry

586
00:32:04.720 --> 00:32:09.840
because he didn't have that kind of childhood. He had a really, you know, you know, normal average,

587
00:32:09.840 --> 00:32:16.880
you know, situation. And so, um, it wasn't that I didn't disclose that to him, Helen,

588
00:32:16.880 --> 00:32:22.640
it's that it never really came up. So don't ever feel the need to sit across from someone

589
00:32:22.640 --> 00:32:25.840
that you're falling in love with. And you think you want to have a life with and just kind of

590
00:32:25.840 --> 00:32:30.640
get all your dirty laundry out on the table. Just let things come up naturally. If they need to come

591
00:32:30.640 --> 00:32:35.280
up, then they'll come up. And if they don't need to, you're not hiding that thing, especially if

592
00:32:35.280 --> 00:32:40.480
it doesn't concern them. Now, like if you had an STD, if you plan on being sexual with this person,

593
00:32:40.480 --> 00:32:44.000
you plan on marrying them, then of course you're going to have to eventually disclose that.

594
00:32:44.000 --> 00:32:48.960
And I would just close that as soon as you are getting, especially if it's incurable,

595
00:32:48.960 --> 00:32:54.000
I would just close it. If you're, you know, getting, um, you know, really serious,

596
00:32:54.000 --> 00:32:59.360
like, you know, that you and this person are going towards, you know, a courtship dating marriage.

597
00:32:59.360 --> 00:33:04.320
You that's when it's appropriate, not on the second date, not trying to get someone to just

598
00:33:04.320 --> 00:33:09.760
run away from you. Because if they don't have enough information about your current character,

599
00:33:09.760 --> 00:33:13.600
they can't handle your past moral mistakes. Does that make sense?

600
00:33:14.880 --> 00:33:19.760
If you have any kind of moral mistakes in your past, you have to give someone a chance to get

601
00:33:19.760 --> 00:33:24.400
to know who you are in the present. Before you share that with them, this person doesn't have

602
00:33:24.400 --> 00:33:28.880
a history with you. So it's a mistake to share that stuff. You're like, Oh, I just want to get

603
00:33:28.880 --> 00:33:33.120
it out on the table in case they just don't even want to talk to me anymore. No, don't share that

604
00:33:33.200 --> 00:33:37.840
until it's appropriate to share it. And maybe not even then if it doesn't concern them, like,

605
00:33:37.840 --> 00:33:45.440
you know, in the, in the tick talk and in the Instagram, um, in the Instagram, uh, reels people

606
00:33:45.440 --> 00:33:52.480
are sorry, big loud noise. People are always talking about, should you share your body count

607
00:33:53.120 --> 00:33:57.360
now we're all grownups here. And I know that all of you are professing, you know, being a Christ

608
00:33:57.360 --> 00:34:01.040
follower, but it doesn't mean you were always a Christ follower. And it doesn't mean that you're,

609
00:34:01.120 --> 00:34:07.920
you know, that you haven't had relationships that are sexual outside of being married.

610
00:34:07.920 --> 00:34:16.159
Okay. So I don't think anyone should ever ask you how many people you've been intimate with.

611
00:34:17.120 --> 00:34:23.679
I don't think that is an appropriate question, um, that someone should ask you. My husband never

612
00:34:23.679 --> 00:34:31.199
asked me that. Um, I, I don't think that that's anyone's business, but yours, if you want to share

613
00:34:31.199 --> 00:34:36.159
that with someone, because once again, there's something that has happened because of that,

614
00:34:36.159 --> 00:34:41.040
that that's important for them to know. But I don't think that that's an appropriate question.

615
00:34:41.040 --> 00:34:47.360
And usually the people that ask this question, they want to control your history. You know,

616
00:34:47.360 --> 00:34:53.520
they want to know, you know, if you've done things according to what they would be judgmental

617
00:34:53.520 --> 00:34:57.600
towards religious, towards different things, people make mistakes. All that matters is

618
00:34:57.600 --> 00:34:59.840
who you are now and what you've learned from those.

619
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.960
mistakes in my opinion. Okay. Hannah, what do you got?

620
00:35:05.680 --> 00:35:10.160
Um, I was going to, I mean, I, yes, I hate talking in front of people. So I'm like,

621
00:35:10.160 --> 00:35:14.800
I better go now. Cause I'll chicken out. Um, can you hear me? I love it. Yes. Um,

622
00:35:14.800 --> 00:35:17.920
and I'm kind of got a cold this week, so sorry if I cough or sneeze, but, um,

623
00:35:18.480 --> 00:35:23.600
yeah, I think something for me that stood out on Tuesday and kind of in the worksheets is how

624
00:35:23.600 --> 00:35:27.440
like I already, I always knew I was kind of a perfectionist, but, um, how much that kind of

625
00:35:27.440 --> 00:35:33.680
impacts my dating life. Cause I've had a lot of, I grew up in the church, um, heard plenty of grew

626
00:35:33.680 --> 00:35:38.240
up in that whole like purity movement and had a lot of, heard a lot of speakers who really instill

627
00:35:38.240 --> 00:35:45.280
in you that you need to be like healthy and whole and content in Christ. And, um, a lot of messages

628
00:35:45.280 --> 00:35:52.000
that I think really exact, I mean, kind of, um, caused me to always be in this pursuit of self

629
00:35:52.080 --> 00:35:57.920
improvement and never feeling kind of like good enough to pursue like marriage or relationship.

630
00:35:57.920 --> 00:36:03.600
Like I get those things are all really good to pursue. Um, but I think that's, yeah, it's something

631
00:36:03.600 --> 00:36:07.040
that's kind of stood out for me and that I've struggled with. And then kind of causes me to,

632
00:36:07.040 --> 00:36:12.720
um, I guess almost not high. I'm shy by nature, but like kind of hide away until I feel like I'm

633
00:36:12.720 --> 00:36:17.680
ready to put myself out there. And then it's kind of like, you know, the years go by and you're kind

634
00:36:17.680 --> 00:36:22.880
of like, Oh shoot. Um, I can't, you know, I've kind of come to the realization the past year.

635
00:36:22.880 --> 00:36:27.920
So I'm like that, like, nowhere does the Bible say that you have to be like perfect healed and

636
00:36:27.920 --> 00:36:33.200
whole to like in turn to marriage. Um, but yeah, I think that's kind of a realization for me in a

637
00:36:33.200 --> 00:36:38.960
struggle. Um, yeah, really woven into my personality, but yeah, I think that's, yeah.

638
00:36:39.920 --> 00:36:44.800
So, okay. I love that. Hannah, I'm so glad that you brought that up. So friends, I really want

639
00:36:44.800 --> 00:36:50.000
us to get away from culture, you know, Christian culture, secular culture, American culture,

640
00:36:50.000 --> 00:36:54.720
whatever country you were born and raised in, you know, human culture is human culture, but let's go

641
00:36:54.720 --> 00:37:01.360
back to garden culture. Let's go back to the Bible garden culture. Okay. The beginning of this entire

642
00:37:01.360 --> 00:37:09.280
thing, this creation that God made, it was hardwired into us as a seed in our DNA to partner

643
00:37:10.160 --> 00:37:14.400
period. It wasn't about whether you were ready, you guys, everything that we're talking about

644
00:37:14.400 --> 00:37:19.680
right now that Hannah just, you know, uh, talked about just now, all of that is part of human

645
00:37:19.680 --> 00:37:27.280
culture, all of it. You don't look at a seed that you're about to sell and grab. Like, are you ready

646
00:37:27.280 --> 00:37:33.840
to be a plant? Are you ready? Are you ready? No, you don't do that. You just put it in the process.

647
00:37:34.800 --> 00:37:42.000
And so friends, God will put you in the process and you all are in the process. Okay. And that's

648
00:37:42.000 --> 00:37:49.520
it. What's happening there is not getting you ready to deserve or earn or, you know, whatever

649
00:37:49.520 --> 00:37:58.000
it is, uh, discern or deserve or earn a spouse. That DNA is in you. Are you deserving or earning

650
00:37:58.960 --> 00:38:04.560
a right to breathe? No, you're not. It's in you. It's just part of your DNA. The very first thing

651
00:38:04.560 --> 00:38:09.600
that God did after he made creation is he made his family. He made mankind and he put them together

652
00:38:09.600 --> 00:38:13.840
male and female. He made them male and female on purpose. And then he put them together and said,

653
00:38:13.840 --> 00:38:19.040
be fruitful and multiply you guys. This is our assignment here. Relationship is our assignment

654
00:38:19.040 --> 00:38:25.280
here. And we make it so complicated. Culture makes it complicated. Uh, religion makes it

655
00:38:25.280 --> 00:38:30.640
complicated. Everybody makes it complicated. So all you're doing right now is being part of

656
00:38:30.640 --> 00:38:37.200
the process. That's peeling back the layers to getting you to your garden self, your garden

657
00:38:37.200 --> 00:38:43.200
self that understands that this is just an organic process. Now we live in a, in a world that's been

658
00:38:43.200 --> 00:38:51.200
completely, you know, uh, altered by the curse. And even though Jesus came and died and reconciled

659
00:38:51.200 --> 00:38:56.800
us to our divinity in, in Christ, Jesus finished working the cross. We still are surrounded by

660
00:38:56.800 --> 00:39:00.640
people that are not in their divinity, right? And a lot of times we're not in our divinity.

661
00:39:00.640 --> 00:39:05.440
We have to follow the spirit and not the flesh. We have to do those things. Um, and, and while our

662
00:39:05.440 --> 00:39:09.600
salvation, it's not about our salvation. It is about the things that God created us for. It's

663
00:39:09.600 --> 00:39:15.920
about divine design. And so often divine design, Hannah and everybody else is being swallowed up

664
00:39:15.920 --> 00:39:22.080
in all of the shoulds and have tos of culture in order to deserve this thing, earn it, to be ready

665
00:39:22.080 --> 00:39:28.720
for it. I promise you, all of you are born ready for it. Now your origin family, the traumas that

666
00:39:28.720 --> 00:39:32.800
you've been through, all the different things that are standing in the way of you being able,

667
00:39:32.800 --> 00:39:39.360
not just to have it, but also to sustain it. That's all we're here about. The question has

668
00:39:39.360 --> 00:39:43.840
never been, is it for you or not? The question has never been, do you deserve it or not?

669
00:39:44.800 --> 00:39:51.360
That's not what this is about. This is about, can you step into it and sustain it with all the bad

670
00:39:51.360 --> 00:39:56.640
information? Just like what she was just talking about. That's been given to you. Does that make

671
00:39:56.640 --> 00:39:59.680
sense? Okay.

672
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.240
So that's all you're here doing.

673
00:40:02.240 --> 00:40:04.800
You're never gonna be fully ready to receive,

674
00:40:04.800 --> 00:40:07.040
but you can be readier than you were yesterday

675
00:40:07.040 --> 00:40:10.540
by realizing that you are worthy of love.

676
00:40:13.080 --> 00:40:13.920
Right?

677
00:40:13.920 --> 00:40:15.440
You can be readier than you were yesterday

678
00:40:15.440 --> 00:40:18.240
by realizing that when love shows up,

679
00:40:18.240 --> 00:40:22.000
it's not gonna be a smooth paved super highway.

680
00:40:22.000 --> 00:40:23.720
That there's gonna be all kinds of things

681
00:40:23.720 --> 00:40:26.200
that happen in early relationship, friends,

682
00:40:26.200 --> 00:40:29.640
that are going to reveal and heal little rocks in the soil

683
00:40:29.720 --> 00:40:31.620
that still need to be pulled out

684
00:40:31.620 --> 00:40:35.320
in order for you to grow more and more and more fruitful

685
00:40:35.320 --> 00:40:36.520
in that relationship.

686
00:40:37.640 --> 00:40:39.080
We live in the year 2026,

687
00:40:39.080 --> 00:40:40.920
and not one of you has a love story

688
00:40:40.920 --> 00:40:42.380
that doesn't have potholes.

689
00:40:44.200 --> 00:40:45.640
And so that's what this is about, Hannah.

690
00:40:45.640 --> 00:40:50.000
This is about not getting you to some weird place

691
00:40:50.000 --> 00:40:52.400
of perfection or readiness where God finally says

692
00:40:52.400 --> 00:40:54.380
that you can have a spouse.

693
00:40:54.380 --> 00:40:57.640
It's about realizing that the spouse

694
00:40:57.640 --> 00:41:00.040
that you are gonna have or the love story

695
00:41:00.040 --> 00:41:03.640
that you're gonna have is not gonna be a perfect thing

696
00:41:03.640 --> 00:41:05.600
just as you're not gonna be a perfect thing.

697
00:41:05.600 --> 00:41:07.600
And I hope that all of that makes sense

698
00:41:07.600 --> 00:41:08.440
with what you're saying.

699
00:41:08.440 --> 00:41:09.600
Yeah, that makes sense, yeah.

700
00:41:09.600 --> 00:41:11.720
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

701
00:41:11.720 --> 00:41:12.560
And the more, you guys,

702
00:41:12.560 --> 00:41:15.040
the more that you can receive that message,

703
00:41:15.040 --> 00:41:17.640
the more open you're gonna be to love.

704
00:41:17.640 --> 00:41:20.200
The more that you can receive the message that I just said,

705
00:41:20.200 --> 00:41:22.560
the more open that you're going to be to love.

706
00:41:24.680 --> 00:41:25.520
Okay?

707
00:41:26.520 --> 00:41:29.640
Is there anyone who's been controlling their love story

708
00:41:29.640 --> 00:41:31.880
by trying to say, like, you know,

709
00:41:33.080 --> 00:41:35.480
I don't want someone,

710
00:41:35.480 --> 00:41:36.840
and we're gonna get into non-negotiables,

711
00:41:36.840 --> 00:41:38.720
we're gonna dig in deep when we get to that week,

712
00:41:38.720 --> 00:41:40.840
and I'm gonna challenge you on a lot of those things

713
00:41:40.840 --> 00:41:42.340
that you say are non-negotiable,

714
00:41:42.340 --> 00:41:45.560
but does anyone feel like you've been controlling

715
00:41:45.560 --> 00:41:47.720
with your non-negotiables?

716
00:41:47.720 --> 00:41:49.640
You've been controlling with your standards,

717
00:41:49.640 --> 00:41:52.280
you've been controlling with what you feel like

718
00:41:52.280 --> 00:41:53.720
this has to be like,

719
00:41:53.720 --> 00:41:56.120
or even controlling with what Hannah was saying,

720
00:41:56.120 --> 00:41:57.680
with your own readiness.

721
00:41:57.680 --> 00:42:00.200
Like, see how control hides?

722
00:42:00.200 --> 00:42:01.880
Like, I can be controlling by saying,

723
00:42:01.880 --> 00:42:03.440
no, you know, I'm not ready yet,

724
00:42:03.440 --> 00:42:05.340
I gotta lose another 15 pounds,

725
00:42:05.340 --> 00:42:07.680
or I've gotta hit this mark in my income,

726
00:42:07.680 --> 00:42:10.240
or I've gotta, that's still controlling.

727
00:42:10.240 --> 00:42:12.080
That's you controlling the narrative.

728
00:42:13.960 --> 00:42:17.680
As you saying, this can't happen until this happens,

729
00:42:17.680 --> 00:42:18.840
that's called control.

730
00:42:18.840 --> 00:42:21.380
Anyone feel like you've been controlling the narrative

731
00:42:21.380 --> 00:42:23.000
in any way, shape, or form?

732
00:42:23.560 --> 00:42:25.520
I think Carly, we can go ahead and jump off there

733
00:42:25.520 --> 00:42:26.800
because it looks like you have something

734
00:42:26.800 --> 00:42:28.220
that just goes into that.

735
00:42:29.360 --> 00:42:31.180
Thanks so much, Jackie.

736
00:42:31.180 --> 00:42:34.180
I think what, yes, in answer to your question,

737
00:42:34.180 --> 00:42:36.600
the fear of the control that I think

738
00:42:36.600 --> 00:42:39.040
that has come out for me has been,

739
00:42:39.040 --> 00:42:42.160
and whether it's control or just a lack of like,

740
00:42:42.160 --> 00:42:44.480
almost given up in hope in a sense of like,

741
00:42:44.480 --> 00:42:46.760
it'll take Lazarus to raise me from the dead

742
00:42:46.760 --> 00:42:47.880
to meet somebody.

743
00:42:47.880 --> 00:42:51.080
I'm in Bethel environment, but I know it's such a lie,

744
00:42:51.080 --> 00:42:54.880
and it's a huge lie that I'm believing.

745
00:42:54.880 --> 00:42:58.880
And I think that also goes along with the thing that,

746
00:43:00.400 --> 00:43:03.020
sorry, just vulnerability.

747
00:43:03.960 --> 00:43:05.440
That's probably the big thing.

748
00:43:07.000 --> 00:43:11.600
Just being vulnerable and realizing that within that,

749
00:43:11.600 --> 00:43:16.600
sorry, that's like just my age,

750
00:43:17.360 --> 00:43:19.240
like I know age is just a number, right?

751
00:43:19.240 --> 00:43:21.680
We know that, but I think that that's probably,

752
00:43:21.680 --> 00:43:23.000
those are the two big things,

753
00:43:23.000 --> 00:43:27.400
like age, just surrendering that, and that's come up.

754
00:43:27.400 --> 00:43:29.640
And so, yeah, being vulnerable.

755
00:43:29.640 --> 00:43:32.080
Hence, yeah, the tears right now

756
00:43:32.080 --> 00:43:33.260
is probably where it's been.

757
00:43:33.260 --> 00:43:37.240
So yeah, if that makes sense.

758
00:43:37.240 --> 00:43:39.840
It does, and there are regions, you guys.

759
00:43:39.840 --> 00:43:44.040
There are areas that are harder to meet people in.

760
00:43:44.040 --> 00:43:45.640
And she just named one.

761
00:43:45.640 --> 00:43:47.280
I've had lots and lots of clients

762
00:43:47.280 --> 00:43:49.200
in that area of California

763
00:43:49.200 --> 00:43:50.880
that are at that Bible college.

764
00:43:50.880 --> 00:43:54.920
And so, there's a lot going on there.

765
00:43:54.920 --> 00:43:57.520
And so, I know that that could feel that way for sure,

766
00:43:57.520 --> 00:43:59.680
but we've also had a lot of success stories out there.

767
00:43:59.680 --> 00:44:00.840
Yes, I know you have.

768
00:44:00.840 --> 00:44:03.960
I know several of friends who've had those success stories.

769
00:44:03.960 --> 00:44:07.720
Yes, but one of the things that you're talking about

770
00:44:07.720 --> 00:44:10.280
that I think is important for all of us

771
00:44:10.280 --> 00:44:12.320
to kind of come clear on right now,

772
00:44:12.320 --> 00:44:14.280
let's just do this right now.

773
00:44:14.280 --> 00:44:19.280
There are lots and lots and lots and lots and lots, you guys,

774
00:44:20.160 --> 00:44:23.360
thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands

775
00:44:23.360 --> 00:44:27.140
of marriage-minded people.

776
00:44:29.000 --> 00:44:31.160
And I think one of the hardest things

777
00:44:31.160 --> 00:44:33.520
for people who want to be married,

778
00:44:33.520 --> 00:44:35.540
all of you are here because you want to be married.

779
00:44:35.540 --> 00:44:36.380
There's a few of you

780
00:44:36.380 --> 00:44:38.040
that don't necessarily think you're marriage ready.

781
00:44:38.040 --> 00:44:39.360
I read through your questionnaire.

782
00:44:39.360 --> 00:44:41.080
You don't feel like you're ready,

783
00:44:41.080 --> 00:44:42.920
but you do want to be married.

784
00:44:42.920 --> 00:44:44.760
But most of you report that you're ready.

785
00:44:44.760 --> 00:44:46.040
That's why you're here.

786
00:44:46.040 --> 00:44:49.880
You're ready to find out what's the why behind the what,

787
00:44:49.880 --> 00:44:53.160
what's happening, why is this not going forward?

788
00:44:53.160 --> 00:44:55.200
And one of the things that's important,

789
00:44:55.200 --> 00:44:56.680
and I'm going back to what I just said

790
00:44:56.680 --> 00:44:59.160
about controlling the narrative,

791
00:44:59.160 --> 00:45:00.000
out of those...

792
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.000
tens of thousands, maybe even 100,000s of people

793
00:45:05.400 --> 00:45:09.500
that are marriage-minded singles.

794
00:45:10.760 --> 00:45:13.920
It's important for you to understand

795
00:45:13.920 --> 00:45:17.460
that that is the database that you have to choose from.

796
00:45:18.720 --> 00:45:20.640
You have to choose from that.

797
00:45:20.640 --> 00:45:23.800
I see way too many marriage-minded singles

798
00:45:23.800 --> 00:45:25.600
trying to make someone

799
00:45:25.600 --> 00:45:27.920
who's not marriage-minded, marriage-minded.

800
00:45:31.000 --> 00:45:32.880
This is one of the huge delays

801
00:45:32.880 --> 00:45:36.080
that I see in single people's lives.

802
00:45:36.080 --> 00:45:38.520
When David moved in next door to me,

803
00:45:38.520 --> 00:45:41.480
and we were just, you know, we're friends, we're neighbors,

804
00:45:41.480 --> 00:45:43.720
he was 100% marriage-minded.

805
00:45:45.520 --> 00:45:47.840
Even though both of us had gone through divorces

806
00:45:47.840 --> 00:45:51.080
and recently gone through divorces,

807
00:45:51.080 --> 00:45:54.200
we were both marriage-minded people.

808
00:45:55.120 --> 00:45:57.720
We knew that we wanted to get married,

809
00:45:58.200 --> 00:46:02.200
and we wanted to get married again whenever that happened.

810
00:46:02.200 --> 00:46:03.320
You know, we weren't like,

811
00:46:03.320 --> 00:46:05.560
yeah, maybe I'll get married again someday.

812
00:46:05.560 --> 00:46:07.560
I don't know, I'll think about it.

813
00:46:07.560 --> 00:46:09.600
Eh, I'm on the fence about it.

814
00:46:09.600 --> 00:46:11.000
I'm kind of marriage-curious.

815
00:46:11.000 --> 00:46:15.000
No, we absolutely, 100%, both of us knew

816
00:46:15.000 --> 00:46:16.880
that not only would we marry again,

817
00:46:16.880 --> 00:46:20.000
but we would marry again when we met the person

818
00:46:20.000 --> 00:46:24.760
that also had, you know, the things that we wanted to marry.

819
00:46:25.600 --> 00:46:27.520
Instead of trying to convince somebody

820
00:46:27.520 --> 00:46:32.520
who is not marriage-minded that they want to get married.

821
00:46:35.480 --> 00:46:37.200
Ladies, you especially.

822
00:46:37.200 --> 00:46:39.440
You know, Dan is here because he's the only guy here.

823
00:46:39.440 --> 00:46:41.400
He's here because he's marriage-minded.

824
00:46:42.600 --> 00:46:43.440
He is.

825
00:46:44.560 --> 00:46:46.720
And the number one thing on all your non-negotiable lists

826
00:46:46.720 --> 00:46:49.360
when we make those needs to be marriage-minded,

827
00:46:49.360 --> 00:46:52.160
not just in words, but in action.

828
00:46:52.200 --> 00:46:54.240
Marriage-mindedness looks like something.

829
00:46:54.240 --> 00:46:56.600
And if none of you, if any of you want to continue

830
00:46:56.600 --> 00:46:58.880
to waste your time, then you can continue to do things

831
00:46:58.880 --> 00:47:00.040
the way you're doing them.

832
00:47:00.040 --> 00:47:02.920
But you have to choose from the pool

833
00:47:04.040 --> 00:47:05.880
of marriage-minded people.

834
00:47:05.880 --> 00:47:07.520
And this is where we've lost the plot.

835
00:47:07.520 --> 00:47:08.920
Let's go back to the village days.

836
00:47:08.920 --> 00:47:12.160
Let's go back to pre-industrial revolution.

837
00:47:12.160 --> 00:47:14.920
You friends, you had to choose from your pool.

838
00:47:16.360 --> 00:47:18.120
First of all, everyone was married.

839
00:47:18.120 --> 00:47:18.960
Everyone was married.

840
00:47:18.960 --> 00:47:20.560
You had to choose from your pool.

841
00:47:21.960 --> 00:47:23.600
First of all, everyone was marriage-minded

842
00:47:23.600 --> 00:47:26.120
because they knew that that's what we do.

843
00:47:26.120 --> 00:47:27.840
That's in our DNA.

844
00:47:27.840 --> 00:47:29.640
No one was like, yeah, I'm gonna think about it.

845
00:47:29.640 --> 00:47:30.680
Maybe I'm gonna get married.

846
00:47:30.680 --> 00:47:31.800
Maybe I'm gonna be a bachelor.

847
00:47:31.800 --> 00:47:33.360
You know, maybe I'm gonna raise goats

848
00:47:33.360 --> 00:47:34.200
for the rest of my life.

849
00:47:34.200 --> 00:47:35.680
No, everyone got married.

850
00:47:35.680 --> 00:47:36.520
Okay?

851
00:47:36.520 --> 00:47:38.720
And the only people that you had to choose from

852
00:47:38.720 --> 00:47:41.320
were in your pool right there.

853
00:47:43.160 --> 00:47:44.560
Now what's happened to all of us

854
00:47:44.560 --> 00:47:47.040
is we have way, way, way, way too many options

855
00:47:47.080 --> 00:47:49.120
and we're not expected to have this type of options

856
00:47:49.120 --> 00:47:51.000
because it's not real.

857
00:47:51.000 --> 00:47:54.000
Not all those people are a match for you.

858
00:47:54.000 --> 00:47:56.280
And they're also not people in proximity to you.

859
00:47:56.280 --> 00:47:58.360
They're not people in community with you.

860
00:47:58.360 --> 00:48:01.120
But oftentimes we're waiting for something

861
00:48:01.120 --> 00:48:03.520
that is really not important.

862
00:48:05.720 --> 00:48:09.520
And that is why in 2026, we have so many single people.

863
00:48:11.440 --> 00:48:12.840
Could I have waited for someone

864
00:48:12.840 --> 00:48:14.040
who wasn't my next door neighbor,

865
00:48:14.040 --> 00:48:17.120
someone who maybe was my height or taller than me

866
00:48:17.120 --> 00:48:18.560
because he's two inches shorter than me?

867
00:48:18.560 --> 00:48:19.920
Could I have waited for someone?

868
00:48:19.920 --> 00:48:22.880
You guys, I'm not bragging, but let me brag a little bit.

869
00:48:22.880 --> 00:48:26.240
I was smoking hot when I was 32 years old.

870
00:48:26.240 --> 00:48:30.040
I mean, like you would stop and look at me again

871
00:48:30.040 --> 00:48:31.160
if you passed me.

872
00:48:31.160 --> 00:48:33.960
I could have married an athlete.

873
00:48:33.960 --> 00:48:36.800
I could have married a very, very, very rich man.

874
00:48:36.800 --> 00:48:39.160
I could have married a lot of different people

875
00:48:39.160 --> 00:48:40.320
that I didn't marry.

876
00:48:40.320 --> 00:48:41.760
I married my next door neighbor.

877
00:48:41.760 --> 00:48:42.600
You know why?

878
00:48:42.600 --> 00:48:44.240
Because he was in proximity to me.

879
00:48:44.240 --> 00:48:45.280
He was marriage-minded.

880
00:48:45.280 --> 00:48:46.400
I was marriage-minded.

881
00:48:46.400 --> 00:48:49.200
He had the non-negotiables of good character, reputation.

882
00:48:49.200 --> 00:48:51.320
He was kind and loving to me.

883
00:48:51.320 --> 00:48:52.600
My kid loved him.

884
00:48:52.600 --> 00:48:53.800
His kids loved me.

885
00:48:53.800 --> 00:48:54.640
And you know what?

886
00:48:54.640 --> 00:48:56.360
We went ahead and did it.

887
00:48:56.360 --> 00:48:57.200
We got married.

888
00:48:57.200 --> 00:49:01.400
And 20 years later, no regrets, zero regrets.

889
00:49:02.920 --> 00:49:05.000
Some of you do not like what I'm saying right now,

890
00:49:05.000 --> 00:49:07.320
but this is why you're not married.

891
00:49:07.320 --> 00:49:10.600
You've had options, you've had opportunities,

892
00:49:10.600 --> 00:49:14.200
but you were waiting for something better.

893
00:49:14.200 --> 00:49:16.760
You were waiting for something that felt different.

894
00:49:16.760 --> 00:49:21.440
You were waiting for certainty of like, this is the person.

895
00:49:21.440 --> 00:49:23.440
There's all different reasons why.

896
00:49:23.440 --> 00:49:26.240
But once again, we've been created for this.

897
00:49:26.240 --> 00:49:27.840
And if you want to do it,

898
00:49:27.840 --> 00:49:29.600
you got to do it with someone

899
00:49:29.600 --> 00:49:31.880
who's in the marriage-minded pool

900
00:49:31.880 --> 00:49:34.040
and stop waiting for all these other people

901
00:49:34.040 --> 00:49:35.400
to get with the program.

902
00:49:35.400 --> 00:49:37.120
All right, Angie, what do you got?

903
00:49:37.560 --> 00:49:39.160
Ooh, hi.

904
00:49:39.160 --> 00:49:40.000
Hi.

905
00:49:41.000 --> 00:49:43.480
I'm not sure what my exact question is,

906
00:49:43.480 --> 00:49:46.080
just hoping that you can help me unpack

907
00:49:46.080 --> 00:49:48.360
and work through some of the things

908
00:49:48.360 --> 00:49:49.520
that were coming up for me this week.

909
00:49:49.520 --> 00:49:51.680
I had huge breakthrough already, by the way,

910
00:49:51.680 --> 00:49:53.480
with the homework sheets.

911
00:49:53.480 --> 00:49:54.560
Love it.

912
00:49:54.560 --> 00:49:56.080
Yeah, me too.

913
00:49:56.080 --> 00:49:57.400
But okay.

914
00:49:57.400 --> 00:49:59.200
I'm gonna go ahead and get started.

915
00:49:59.200 --> 00:50:00.600
I'm gonna go ahead and get started.

916
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.000
Okay, so in the questionnaire, I know I put certainty a lot.

917
00:50:00.600 --> 00:50:03.120
I'm gonna go ahead and get started with the homework sheets.

918
00:50:03.120 --> 00:50:05.640
I'm gonna go ahead and get started with the homework sheets.

919
00:50:07.280 --> 00:50:09.520
And then when I heard you talking on Monday,

920
00:50:09.520 --> 00:50:10.420
I was like, you know what?

921
00:50:10.420 --> 00:50:11.880
I'm not exactly sure what I mean

922
00:50:11.880 --> 00:50:14.240
by needing certainty for myself,

923
00:50:14.240 --> 00:50:16.880
because the examples,

924
00:50:16.880 --> 00:50:19.460
it didn't show up the same in me like that,

925
00:50:19.460 --> 00:50:22.480
where I need to know the details or whatever.

926
00:50:22.480 --> 00:50:24.720
But in the dating that I've done,

927
00:50:25.560 --> 00:50:30.560
it's more, I think, too quickly rejecting them.

928
00:50:31.800 --> 00:50:34.960
And like the book club,

929
00:50:34.960 --> 00:50:37.280
I learned that I have the passive faith script,

930
00:50:37.280 --> 00:50:39.640
I'm running that the most.

931
00:50:39.640 --> 00:50:43.080
So trying to unpack that

932
00:50:43.080 --> 00:50:47.080
and figure out where I'm discerning,

933
00:50:49.560 --> 00:50:51.660
needing certainty too much.

934
00:50:52.220 --> 00:50:56.020
I actually also, something came up in the homework

935
00:50:56.020 --> 00:51:00.200
was that I think it's one of my self-sabotage techniques

936
00:51:00.200 --> 00:51:03.420
of dismissing people

937
00:51:03.420 --> 00:51:06.940
who I think aren't showing up consistently

938
00:51:09.420 --> 00:51:12.820
or with pursuit.

939
00:51:12.820 --> 00:51:13.980
Yeah, so I don't know.

940
00:51:13.980 --> 00:51:15.260
There's not a lot of really questions there.

941
00:51:15.260 --> 00:51:18.100
I'm just kind of processing and talking out loud

942
00:51:18.100 --> 00:51:21.560
and having trouble and unpacking all of this.

943
00:51:23.500 --> 00:51:24.420
One thing that you're saying

944
00:51:24.420 --> 00:51:25.580
that I think is important to point out,

945
00:51:25.580 --> 00:51:26.740
you guys, I know Angie.

946
00:51:26.740 --> 00:51:30.940
Angie's been, you know, she's been at some level

947
00:51:30.940 --> 00:51:34.660
part of the leadership of what we do out there in Jersey

948
00:51:34.660 --> 00:51:38.740
and, you know, single city and, you know,

949
00:51:38.740 --> 00:51:41.220
retreats and different things that she's been part of.

950
00:51:41.220 --> 00:51:43.620
And I just wanna say this,

951
00:51:43.620 --> 00:51:46.180
I think this kind of proves a point.

952
00:51:46.180 --> 00:51:48.240
I don't experience you that way.

953
00:51:50.220 --> 00:51:54.420
So Angie's kind of operating in a counterfeit right now,

954
00:51:54.420 --> 00:51:56.420
like what she's thinking about herself,

955
00:51:56.420 --> 00:51:59.460
because I have known her for years now

956
00:51:59.460 --> 00:52:00.940
and I don't experience her that way.

957
00:52:00.940 --> 00:52:03.980
I don't experience her as someone who needs certainty.

958
00:52:03.980 --> 00:52:05.780
I don't experience, I experience her actually

959
00:52:05.780 --> 00:52:07.700
kind of as more of a go with the flow,

960
00:52:07.700 --> 00:52:10.900
sort of spontaneous kind of adventurous personality.

961
00:52:10.900 --> 00:52:15.720
Someone who, you know, wants to just say yes to God

962
00:52:16.260 --> 00:52:18.320
and, you know, not even have to really know the details.

963
00:52:18.320 --> 00:52:23.160
And so that shows you that you can show up

964
00:52:23.160 --> 00:52:25.040
in one area of your life differently

965
00:52:25.040 --> 00:52:27.880
than you show up in other areas of your life,

966
00:52:27.880 --> 00:52:31.720
because I'm not a potential suitor for Angie.

967
00:52:31.720 --> 00:52:34.400
So I don't experience her the way that she's describing,

968
00:52:34.400 --> 00:52:37.480
but it's perhaps men do experience her that way.

969
00:52:37.480 --> 00:52:39.360
Do you see what I mean?

970
00:52:39.360 --> 00:52:41.040
And so ladies, it doesn't really matter

971
00:52:41.040 --> 00:52:42.160
how other women experience you,

972
00:52:42.160 --> 00:52:43.560
how your family experiences you,

973
00:52:43.560 --> 00:52:45.920
it doesn't matter what other people tell you about yourself

974
00:52:45.920 --> 00:52:49.280
that are not romantic prospects.

975
00:52:49.280 --> 00:52:50.920
All the data that I want you to collect

976
00:52:50.920 --> 00:52:52.760
are what do men say about you?

977
00:52:52.760 --> 00:52:54.120
And one thing you guys can begin to do,

978
00:52:54.120 --> 00:52:55.320
and Angie, you can begin to do this,

979
00:52:55.320 --> 00:52:57.520
is that if you're on a date with someone

980
00:52:57.520 --> 00:52:58.840
and you're getting to know them,

981
00:52:58.840 --> 00:53:00.800
and for whatever reason, it's a yes until it's a no,

982
00:53:00.800 --> 00:53:02.400
and it becomes a no,

983
00:53:02.400 --> 00:53:04.800
one of the ways that you can practice vulnerability

984
00:53:04.800 --> 00:53:06.400
is you can actually ask them,

985
00:53:06.400 --> 00:53:08.240
hey, how do you experience me?

986
00:53:09.240 --> 00:53:13.440
How am I as a dating prospect?

987
00:53:13.440 --> 00:53:16.080
Like, you know, how would you describe me?

988
00:53:16.080 --> 00:53:17.360
You know, and don't lead them

989
00:53:17.360 --> 00:53:19.440
and don't coach them in their answer.

990
00:53:19.440 --> 00:53:22.560
It might not even be articulate or eloquent answer,

991
00:53:22.560 --> 00:53:25.120
but give them permission to give you feedback.

992
00:53:27.400 --> 00:53:28.480
I used to do this, you know,

993
00:53:28.480 --> 00:53:30.240
I used to do this just as a life coach

994
00:53:30.240 --> 00:53:32.480
when people were looking for jobs.

995
00:53:32.480 --> 00:53:34.280
They were interviewing for jobs and, you know,

996
00:53:34.280 --> 00:53:36.720
they were told, hey, we went with someone else.

997
00:53:37.480 --> 00:53:39.680
Always send the email and follow up and say,

998
00:53:39.680 --> 00:53:43.600
hey, you know, can you give me feedback and let me know,

999
00:53:43.600 --> 00:53:44.920
you know, why didn't I get the job,

1000
00:53:44.920 --> 00:53:47.600
but also like, you know, how did I show up?

1001
00:53:48.920 --> 00:53:51.200
It's important to get that feedback

1002
00:53:51.200 --> 00:53:52.800
so you can know what to do differently

1003
00:53:52.800 --> 00:53:54.560
in the next interview.

1004
00:53:54.560 --> 00:53:56.640
And sometimes it's just, they had a better candidate,

1005
00:53:56.640 --> 00:53:59.920
they had someone who was more qualified for the position,

1006
00:53:59.920 --> 00:54:02.160
and it's important for you to know that.

1007
00:54:02.160 --> 00:54:04.280
So Angie, I don't experience you that,

1008
00:54:04.280 --> 00:54:06.560
I don't experience you that way as a coach,

1009
00:54:07.400 --> 00:54:08.240
as a mentor in your life,

1010
00:54:08.240 --> 00:54:10.320
and as just another woman, just in general,

1011
00:54:10.320 --> 00:54:12.800
I experience you as very free spirited

1012
00:54:12.800 --> 00:54:16.600
and not controlling the outcome or needing certainty.

1013
00:54:16.600 --> 00:54:18.520
In fact, I tried to plan a conference with Angie

1014
00:54:18.520 --> 00:54:20.000
and I barely even heard from her

1015
00:54:20.000 --> 00:54:21.240
about planning the conference

1016
00:54:21.240 --> 00:54:23.160
because she's so go with the flow.

1017
00:54:23.160 --> 00:54:25.480
So I've had conferences that I plan

1018
00:54:25.480 --> 00:54:27.280
where someone's emailing me every five minutes,

1019
00:54:27.280 --> 00:54:28.200
like, what's the decision?

1020
00:54:28.200 --> 00:54:29.040
What are you doing?

1021
00:54:29.040 --> 00:54:29.880
What's happening?

1022
00:54:29.880 --> 00:54:31.240
What's going on?

1023
00:54:31.240 --> 00:54:33.400
So I don't experience you that like that,

1024
00:54:33.400 --> 00:54:36.080
I experience you more as of a creative

1025
00:54:36.080 --> 00:54:37.800
and less as a micromanager,

1026
00:54:37.800 --> 00:54:41.680
but I think it's important that you begin to dig into,

1027
00:54:41.680 --> 00:54:44.440
why do I see myself like this

1028
00:54:44.440 --> 00:54:48.760
in the area of men and romance?

1029
00:54:48.760 --> 00:54:51.000
I actually went on a date with a guy, first date,

1030
00:54:51.000 --> 00:54:55.040
and he, I don't remember how it came up,

1031
00:54:55.040 --> 00:54:56.800
but I mentioned something about,

1032
00:54:56.800 --> 00:54:58.600
I do give guys three dates.

1033
00:54:58.600 --> 00:55:00.880
That's what you taught us in last year single.

1034
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:01.960
And he's like, really, I'm surprised.

1035
00:55:01.960 --> 00:55:05.120
You don't seem like you would give a guy a second chance.

1036
00:55:05.120 --> 00:55:06.720
On the first in-person date.

1037
00:55:06.720 --> 00:55:08.200
I mean, we talked, but then I'm like,

1038
00:55:08.200 --> 00:55:10.000
where does that come from?

1039
00:55:10.000 --> 00:55:14.200
Did you ask him, is it because I'm Asian?

1040
00:55:14.200 --> 00:55:15.880
He was like, are you racist?

1041
00:55:15.880 --> 00:55:17.400
What's happening here?

1042
00:55:17.400 --> 00:55:19.200
I will tell you that men have said

1043
00:55:19.200 --> 00:55:21.360
there are certain ethnicities of women

1044
00:55:21.360 --> 00:55:25.600
that they think are more no-nonsense,

1045
00:55:25.600 --> 00:55:28.640
and Asian was the top of the list.

1046
00:55:28.680 --> 00:55:30.960
So that's just feedback that I've gotten from men.

1047
00:55:30.960 --> 00:55:35.960
And I do know some women that are kind of like,

1048
00:55:37.400 --> 00:55:40.800
pre-judging based on some things,

1049
00:55:40.800 --> 00:55:45.400
but gosh, that's such a weird thing to say on a first date.

1050
00:55:45.400 --> 00:55:47.720
Yeah, and I did give him additional chances.

1051
00:55:47.720 --> 00:55:49.640
I dropped a hanky saying, hey, this was fun,

1052
00:55:49.640 --> 00:55:52.580
if you wanted, and like, gave the over, whatever.

1053
00:55:54.200 --> 00:55:56.720
That didn't work out, obviously, right?

1054
00:55:56.720 --> 00:56:00.960
But I really have no idea what I'm putting out there

1055
00:56:00.960 --> 00:56:02.800
that someone would say that to me.

1056
00:56:02.800 --> 00:56:05.840
And he, by the way, was Asian, too.

1057
00:56:05.840 --> 00:56:09.040
Oh my, that's it, I guarantee you, that's it.

1058
00:56:09.040 --> 00:56:12.240
He was like, he was remembering some auntie vibe

1059
00:56:12.240 --> 00:56:16.440
that he had of like, someone not being happy with him.

1060
00:56:16.440 --> 00:56:18.160
He's got heart wounds.

1061
00:56:18.160 --> 00:56:20.320
But let me ask you this.

1062
00:56:20.320 --> 00:56:22.840
Have you ever heard that from anyone else but him?

1063
00:56:23.840 --> 00:56:25.720
Any version of that?

1064
00:56:27.480 --> 00:56:31.480
Recently, so I was in corporate for a while,

1065
00:56:31.480 --> 00:56:32.760
and I'm on a sabbatical right now.

1066
00:56:32.760 --> 00:56:33.880
I went to Starbucks.

1067
00:56:33.880 --> 00:56:37.600
So completely, I really don't have those kind of,

1068
00:56:37.600 --> 00:56:40.480
he's gotta be a corporate and six figures,

1069
00:56:40.480 --> 00:56:41.560
whatever, all this stuff.

1070
00:56:41.560 --> 00:56:43.160
I mean, I'm working as a barista at Starbucks

1071
00:56:43.160 --> 00:56:45.300
because I thought it looked fun.

1072
00:56:45.300 --> 00:56:48.600
But the people there, they think that I look fancy.

1073
00:56:48.600 --> 00:56:50.080
I'm like, are you kidding me?

1074
00:56:50.080 --> 00:56:53.940
Like, I can get ready, like, wake up, brush my teeth,

1075
00:56:53.940 --> 00:56:55.560
and out the door in 10 minutes.

1076
00:56:55.640 --> 00:56:59.360
And like, a lot of men take longer than me to get ready.

1077
00:56:59.360 --> 00:57:01.400
I don't know what it is.

1078
00:57:01.400 --> 00:57:03.040
So they're basically, in a nice way,

1079
00:57:03.040 --> 00:57:04.800
saying they think you're high maintenance.

1080
00:57:04.800 --> 00:57:07.040
Yeah, I think so, and I don't,

1081
00:57:07.040 --> 00:57:08.640
we all have like a uniform.

1082
00:57:08.640 --> 00:57:10.400
You're supposed to either just wear a black shirt

1083
00:57:10.400 --> 00:57:11.360
and jeans or black pants.

1084
00:57:11.360 --> 00:57:13.720
I'm like, it's not even the way that I'm dressing.

1085
00:57:13.720 --> 00:57:14.560
It can't be that.

1086
00:57:15.600 --> 00:57:17.200
Yeah, no, it can't be that.

1087
00:57:17.200 --> 00:57:18.600
And you know, and here's the thing, you guys,

1088
00:57:18.600 --> 00:57:20.480
sometimes things are not a criticism.

1089
00:57:20.480 --> 00:57:22.880
It's actually a compliment, right?

1090
00:57:22.880 --> 00:57:25.520
If she's in her uniform looking like everyone else,

1091
00:57:26.360 --> 00:57:28.120
and she looks fancy or classy, you know,

1092
00:57:28.120 --> 00:57:29.880
she's not gonna apologize for that.

1093
00:57:29.880 --> 00:57:31.640
We're not gonna apologize for that, right?

1094
00:57:31.640 --> 00:57:33.720
It'd be different if you were persnickety,

1095
00:57:33.720 --> 00:57:35.960
and you were snobby, and you know,

1096
00:57:35.960 --> 00:57:36.880
different things like that.

1097
00:57:36.880 --> 00:57:38.000
But I know you personally,

1098
00:57:38.000 --> 00:57:41.320
and I know that no one's experiencing you that way.

1099
00:57:41.320 --> 00:57:44.520
So yeah, it's just all data, you guys.

1100
00:57:44.520 --> 00:57:45.960
Don't take any of it personally.

1101
00:57:45.960 --> 00:57:47.000
It's all just data.

1102
00:57:47.000 --> 00:57:50.920
But if you have something that continues to get said to you

1103
00:57:50.920 --> 00:57:54.220
over and over again, not just by the opposite sex,

1104
00:57:54.220 --> 00:57:56.940
but even by, you know, the same sex,

1105
00:57:56.940 --> 00:57:59.100
at people giving you the same feedback,

1106
00:57:59.100 --> 00:58:00.340
it's worth praying into.

1107
00:58:00.340 --> 00:58:01.660
It's worth looking at.

1108
00:58:01.660 --> 00:58:06.060
It's worth trying to, you know, decipher with Holy Spirit,

1109
00:58:06.060 --> 00:58:07.300
whether or not it's something

1110
00:58:07.300 --> 00:58:10.180
that you need to get to the bottom of, okay?

1111
00:58:12.020 --> 00:58:13.620
Yeah, I think that's funny.

1112
00:58:13.620 --> 00:58:15.320
Oh my gosh, you're fancy.

1113
00:58:17.180 --> 00:58:18.020
You're fancy.

1114
00:58:18.020 --> 00:58:18.980
I played trivia last night,

1115
00:58:18.980 --> 00:58:22.220
and it only let you pick certain adjectives,

1116
00:58:22.220 --> 00:58:23.380
and fancy was one of them.

1117
00:58:23.380 --> 00:58:26.140
So I was a fancy elephant last night, so I don't know.

1118
00:58:27.340 --> 00:58:29.900
But I just think that,

1119
00:58:29.900 --> 00:58:32.140
I would take that as a compliment right now.

1120
00:58:32.140 --> 00:58:36.580
Any advice on how to seem, like, connect with people,

1121
00:58:36.580 --> 00:58:39.620
especially on the first, second, third dates,

1122
00:58:39.620 --> 00:58:44.300
and make myself more open and readable?

1123
00:58:46.260 --> 00:58:47.540
I mean, we'll get into that

1124
00:58:47.540 --> 00:58:49.460
when we get into the dating modules.

1125
00:58:49.460 --> 00:58:51.380
I think right now it's more important for you

1126
00:58:51.380 --> 00:58:54.620
to allow God to continue to show you

1127
00:58:55.500 --> 00:58:57.900
where you may be trying to control the story,

1128
00:58:57.900 --> 00:58:59.420
more of the passive faith stuff.

1129
00:58:59.420 --> 00:59:00.260
Because here's the thing,

1130
00:59:00.260 --> 00:59:01.580
Angie said something very important.

1131
00:59:01.580 --> 00:59:04.220
She said, I'm not a snob about what someone does for a living,

1132
00:59:04.220 --> 00:59:06.060
how much education they have,

1133
00:59:06.060 --> 00:59:09.980
but she's definitely more of a spiritual snob in some ways

1134
00:59:09.980 --> 00:59:12.500
about what she thinks it's supposed to feel like,

1135
00:59:12.500 --> 00:59:16.340
or be like, in order for them to be her person, okay?

1136
00:59:16.340 --> 00:59:20.380
So just because we're really kind of laid back

1137
00:59:20.380 --> 00:59:22.300
and nonchalant in certain areas

1138
00:59:22.300 --> 00:59:24.820
doesn't mean that we don't have something going on

1139
00:59:24.820 --> 00:59:27.820
in other areas where we have a type,

1140
00:59:27.820 --> 00:59:32.460
or we think that we're going to know it when we see it.

1141
00:59:32.460 --> 00:59:34.380
One of the things about passive faith, friends,

1142
00:59:34.380 --> 00:59:35.660
and for those of you that didn't read my book

1143
00:59:35.660 --> 00:59:36.660
or didn't do my book club,

1144
00:59:36.660 --> 00:59:38.740
my most recent book, Modern Dating Sucks,

1145
00:59:38.740 --> 00:59:40.700
passive faith are the people who just think

1146
00:59:40.700 --> 00:59:43.580
that they are gonna know when it's their person,

1147
00:59:43.580 --> 00:59:45.060
that there's gonna be a lightning bolt from heaven,

1148
00:59:45.060 --> 00:59:45.980
there's gonna be a feeling,

1149
00:59:45.980 --> 00:59:46.900
it's just gonna be different

1150
00:59:46.900 --> 00:59:48.260
than it has been with anybody else,

1151
00:59:48.260 --> 00:59:49.780
and eventually it will be different

1152
00:59:49.780 --> 00:59:52.540
because you'll keep going forward.

1153
00:59:52.540 --> 00:59:53.380
You'll keep going forward,

1154
00:59:53.380 --> 00:59:55.500
you'll keep taking another step forward.

1155
00:59:55.500 --> 00:59:58.740
I will tell you, I've heard so many love stories,

1156
00:59:58.740 --> 01:00:00.140
thousands of love stories.

1157
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.300
And I've had a front row seat to almost 2000 love stories right now.

1158
01:00:03.300 --> 01:00:08.100
And I promise you in every love story, they have one thing in common.

1159
01:00:08.960 --> 01:00:15.960
They, the, the, the next day they kept going the next day, they kept going.

1160
01:00:16.700 --> 01:00:18.120
That's what they all have in common.

1161
01:00:19.100 --> 01:00:23.580
Some have some confirmations of words from God and some supernatural elements,

1162
01:00:23.580 --> 01:00:27.620
but a lot of them just have, you know what I woke up still curious

1163
01:00:27.620 --> 01:00:28.780
about them the next day.

1164
01:00:29.000 --> 01:00:31.280
I woke up still excited to see them the next day.

1165
01:00:31.420 --> 01:00:33.340
I woke up still wanting to know more about them.

1166
01:00:33.340 --> 01:00:36.160
The next day, there were some inconveniences.

1167
01:00:36.160 --> 01:00:38.520
There were some misunderstandings, but you know what?

1168
01:00:38.860 --> 01:00:41.120
I didn't allow that to be an obstacle.

1169
01:00:41.120 --> 01:00:43.660
I still want it to get to know them the next day.

1170
01:00:44.380 --> 01:00:45.880
That's what they all have in common.

1171
01:00:47.300 --> 01:00:49.380
So you can take that to the bank and cash it.

1172
01:00:49.700 --> 01:00:50.700
That's your love story.

1173
01:00:50.700 --> 01:00:54.780
We'll have that in common with everybody else's, the person you marry, this will

1174
01:00:54.780 --> 01:00:58.360
be what you have in common with all the other love stories you guys did.

1175
01:00:58.360 --> 01:01:04.160
You guys kept giving each other more room to grow and to learn about each other.

1176
01:01:04.520 --> 01:01:05.040
Okay.

1177
01:01:05.640 --> 01:01:05.960
All right.

1178
01:01:05.960 --> 01:01:10.500
So that's important because the one thing that you don't want to get into, and this

1179
01:01:10.500 --> 01:01:14.200
is the biggest problem with passive faith is most people that are operating

1180
01:01:14.200 --> 01:01:16.240
underneath that passive faith script.

1181
01:01:16.820 --> 01:01:21.280
They think that they're going to know when they see it.

1182
01:01:22.080 --> 01:01:24.720
That's when they're going to know they're going to know when they see it.

1183
01:01:25.000 --> 01:01:27.540
So it's the equivalent friends of going out shopping.

1184
01:01:27.540 --> 01:01:31.660
And I write about this in my book and I felt like God gave me this analogy.

1185
01:01:32.060 --> 01:01:35.860
When you go out shopping, you don't really know what you want or if you really want

1186
01:01:35.860 --> 01:01:39.740
anything and you're just roaming around aimlessly.

1187
01:01:42.220 --> 01:01:44.100
And you're just like, yeah, well, what are you looking for?

1188
01:01:44.100 --> 01:01:45.180
I don't know.

1189
01:01:45.220 --> 01:01:46.500
I'll know when I see it.

1190
01:01:46.780 --> 01:01:49.220
No, that's a really bad way to go about things.

1191
01:01:49.220 --> 01:01:50.220
And we don't want to do that.

1192
01:01:50.380 --> 01:01:50.860
Okay.

1193
01:01:51.100 --> 01:01:52.660
Cause one or two things are going to happen.

1194
01:01:53.020 --> 01:01:56.940
You're not going to get anything or you're going to get sold something you don't want.

1195
01:01:57.300 --> 01:01:59.780
So we don't want either of those outcomes.

1196
01:02:00.100 --> 01:02:00.540
All right.

1197
01:02:00.540 --> 01:02:00.900
All right.

1198
01:02:00.900 --> 01:02:01.420
You're up.

1199
01:02:02.780 --> 01:02:03.380
Hi, Jackie.

1200
01:02:03.380 --> 01:02:04.060
Hi everyone.

1201
01:02:04.060 --> 01:02:05.940
Really a pleasure to be on this journey with you.

1202
01:02:05.980 --> 01:02:07.380
I'm Ari from Orlando.

1203
01:02:07.380 --> 01:02:08.500
Ari short for Arianne.

1204
01:02:08.580 --> 01:02:09.820
I'm just easier to say Ari.

1205
01:02:10.380 --> 01:02:13.660
Um, so my question, I feel like you set my question up really well, actually.

1206
01:02:14.100 --> 01:02:17.540
Um, I had a, I had a hard time answering the last three pages of the

1207
01:02:17.540 --> 01:02:19.380
supernatural inventory worksheet.

1208
01:02:19.860 --> 01:02:21.940
Um, I haven't imagined my love story.

1209
01:02:21.940 --> 01:02:23.220
I don't like daydream about that.

1210
01:02:23.580 --> 01:02:25.100
So that I couldn't answer that question.

1211
01:02:25.620 --> 01:02:28.220
Um, I also haven't felt disappointed in God.

1212
01:02:28.220 --> 01:02:30.260
So I don't really know how to interpret my singleness.

1213
01:02:30.260 --> 01:02:32.060
And if you ask me how long I've been single, I couldn't, I

1214
01:02:32.060 --> 01:02:33.340
would like overthink the answer.

1215
01:02:33.340 --> 01:02:34.220
I couldn't give it to you.

1216
01:02:34.660 --> 01:02:36.820
I just like, that hasn't been part of my identity.

1217
01:02:37.580 --> 01:02:41.300
So I don't know if that's apathy or how would you interpret that?

1218
01:02:42.620 --> 01:02:48.700
I mean, I think that it could be a really good exercise for you to, um, once

1219
01:02:48.700 --> 01:02:51.020
again, not being controlling, okay.

1220
01:02:51.700 --> 01:02:56.740
Not having to have, you know, a specific thing, but beginning to sort of dream

1221
01:02:56.740 --> 01:03:02.700
about what being married to you looks like, just what, what's being married to

1222
01:03:02.700 --> 01:03:05.860
you look like, you know, what are your, what are your desires, what are your

1223
01:03:05.860 --> 01:03:11.180
dreams, what are your hopes, um, to be able to partner, like, you know, I have

1224
01:03:11.180 --> 01:03:16.060
a, I have a client right now who she likes to fly fish and, you know, she

1225
01:03:16.060 --> 01:03:19.900
just, she just, when she's dreaming about her love story, she's dreaming about

1226
01:03:19.900 --> 01:03:21.660
someone who not fly fishes.

1227
01:03:21.660 --> 01:03:22.940
This is where we get in trouble.

1228
01:03:24.060 --> 01:03:26.540
That's very controlling to say, well, they have to fly fish too.

1229
01:03:26.860 --> 01:03:29.820
That just, you guys, you don't want to do anything that makes

1230
01:03:29.820 --> 01:03:31.700
your pool smaller for no reason.

1231
01:03:32.780 --> 01:03:33.340
Okay.

1232
01:03:33.380 --> 01:03:37.780
Never, ever make your dating pool smaller for something like that.

1233
01:03:38.140 --> 01:03:42.020
But she dreams about being outdoorsy with her spouse.

1234
01:03:42.220 --> 01:03:45.860
She dreams about someone who loves nature the way she loves nature.

1235
01:03:45.860 --> 01:03:47.340
And that's a non-negotiable for her.

1236
01:03:47.460 --> 01:03:50.860
This person would wither and die in the house.

1237
01:03:52.660 --> 01:03:54.620
That is not just part of what she likes.

1238
01:03:54.620 --> 01:03:56.300
That's part of who she is.

1239
01:03:56.980 --> 01:03:58.980
And we're gonna talk about this when we talk about counterfeits.

1240
01:03:59.180 --> 01:04:03.660
Some of you have locked down who you are because other people

1241
01:04:03.660 --> 01:04:05.100
didn't understand it, didn't want it.

1242
01:04:05.100 --> 01:04:08.380
Maybe your origin family thought you were weird because you weren't like them.

1243
01:04:08.380 --> 01:04:09.740
You liked things that they didn't like.

1244
01:04:09.740 --> 01:04:13.620
There's all kinds of different things that cause us to be in a counterfeit.

1245
01:04:14.220 --> 01:04:17.460
And I'm going to tell you right now, one of the biggest ways that you're

1246
01:04:17.460 --> 01:04:20.860
going to attract the love of your life, your spirit mate, your partner,

1247
01:04:20.860 --> 01:04:26.660
your kingdom alliance is by being fully yourself, fly your freak flag

1248
01:04:26.660 --> 01:04:31.660
high is what I always say, whatever it is, however weird you are, your

1249
01:04:31.660 --> 01:04:35.940
humor, all the things that are genuine about you, it's important

1250
01:04:35.940 --> 01:04:36.940
that you are those things.

1251
01:04:36.940 --> 01:04:38.380
And so Ari, we're going to help you.

1252
01:04:39.020 --> 01:04:41.700
Cause some, somehow this got shut down.

1253
01:04:42.260 --> 01:04:43.740
There's no dreaming about it.

1254
01:04:43.740 --> 01:04:45.340
There's no thinking about it.

1255
01:04:46.180 --> 01:04:48.300
Not even when you were young, when you were a kid.

1256
01:04:48.780 --> 01:04:49.980
No, but I'm here.

1257
01:04:51.140 --> 01:04:54.260
Well, I'm not saying you don't want it, but I'm saying, you know, you're

1258
01:04:54.260 --> 01:05:00.020
not visualizing what it would be like to have a friend for the end of the world.

1259
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.960
which I think is important, I visualize that you guys, that's my thing. It's like,

1260
01:05:05.760 --> 01:05:10.560
this is the person that's going to be beside me no matter what goes down. We're going to be a team,

1261
01:05:10.560 --> 01:05:14.480
we're going to be an effective team and we're going to kick butts and take names later.

1262
01:05:14.480 --> 01:05:20.560
You know, that's how I imagine my love story and it is true. So, you know, I want you to do some

1263
01:05:20.560 --> 01:05:27.760
work around that. I want you to just visualize what it looks like to be a, you know, a table for

1264
01:05:27.760 --> 01:05:33.360
two instead of a table for one. And then I would like for you to report back to us. Okay. Thank

1265
01:05:33.360 --> 01:05:40.000
you, Jackie. Yeah. How old are you? I'm 38. 38. Never been in a serious relationship?

1266
01:05:41.520 --> 01:05:45.920
No, never been in a serious relationship. Okay. And are you from Orlando?

1267
01:05:47.040 --> 01:05:51.680
My family's from New York, but you know, New Yorkers migrate down. So I'm here in Orlando.

1268
01:05:52.400 --> 01:05:57.200
So you snowboarded hard. And early. Yeah. Yeah. And very early.

1269
01:05:58.880 --> 01:06:03.920
Okay. I love that. Okay. Well, I mean, where you're from could be part of some of this,

1270
01:06:03.920 --> 01:06:10.960
I mean, New York, you know it's not, you know, New York and, and not being, and, and, you know,

1271
01:06:10.960 --> 01:06:16.160
this, the, the relational aspects of New York are not a stereotype. You guys, I love New York. I

1272
01:06:16.160 --> 01:06:22.320
love that I would live there in a heartbeat, but it's not a stereotype. Okay. So what, when I see

1273
01:06:22.320 --> 01:06:26.000
your questionnaire, cause I haven't read through yours yet, cause we haven't had our coaching call,

1274
01:06:26.000 --> 01:06:32.480
I will be able to give you more feedback about this. Okay. We have, we have a few more minutes.

1275
01:06:32.480 --> 01:06:37.840
Who else wants to get in on this tonight? You guys don't be wallflowers. Vivian.

1276
01:06:37.840 --> 01:06:49.680
Hi everybody. I feel like I've been talking too much, so I went last maybe. But I wanted to say,

1277
01:06:49.680 --> 01:06:54.480
like, out of the things on the worksheet that stood out, that was kind of crazy to me was

1278
01:06:55.040 --> 01:07:02.960
on the last one where we were to ask someone for help or something. So I asked my landlord to help

1279
01:07:02.960 --> 01:07:10.960
me move a lot of large items in the garage. And he was like, usually guys, like I said,

1280
01:07:10.960 --> 01:07:15.760
I do everything myself. Cause it's like, I just, I could do it in two seconds and I don't want to

1281
01:07:15.760 --> 01:07:20.960
go through this, that, and I just have to do it. But the thing about it was like, when I asked him,

1282
01:07:20.960 --> 01:07:27.040
he was so kind and so sweet and he even offered to do more and just all this extra stuff that was

1283
01:07:27.920 --> 01:07:33.360
so nice and unfamiliar. And I don't know, like, I was so grateful, but I felt very,

1284
01:07:34.800 --> 01:07:42.880
I kind of got emotional. Like, why are you being so nice to me? Like, it just was not a very good

1285
01:07:42.880 --> 01:07:49.840
feeling, but it was a good feeling. Like I just, I could use that, but it was so weird. And anyway,

1286
01:07:49.840 --> 01:07:53.600
that was just something I wanted to share. Like, why was I feeling like that?

1287
01:07:54.400 --> 01:07:59.760
That is so good. You guys, how many of you did the assignment of just asking him? Remember that

1288
01:07:59.760 --> 01:08:07.440
assignment is just a rollover assignment. All of you ladies, especially just asking, you know,

1289
01:08:07.440 --> 01:08:15.920
asking or allowing people to help you receiving all very important stuff. Um, and so I love it

1290
01:08:15.920 --> 01:08:21.520
that you got emotional and, you know, so when you said like, why, why are you being so nice to me?

1291
01:08:21.520 --> 01:08:29.600
Did it feel, did you feel suspicious of it? Did you feel, um, did it feel, did it feel, um,

1292
01:08:29.600 --> 01:08:36.160
unsafe in any way? No, he's like an older gentleman, this white guy, probably like my

1293
01:08:36.160 --> 01:08:43.520
parents and maybe a little younger. And he's just like a true and true gentleman. He, he's just one

1294
01:08:43.520 --> 01:08:49.120
of those guys. Like, even when I moved into the house, he was shocked that I was driving a U-Haul

1295
01:08:49.120 --> 01:08:54.479
and my son was sitting next to me. I'm like, what, why are you shocked? Like, look, in my family,

1296
01:08:55.120 --> 01:08:59.600
women hold it down. That's what I was thinking. But for him, he was just stunned. Like,

1297
01:09:00.160 --> 01:09:08.240
why is this person bouncing out the U-Haul? So everything he does is such like, it's just

1298
01:09:08.240 --> 01:09:15.359
generous. And he's always like, are you good? Like just safety kind of vibes, nothing creepy at all.

1299
01:09:15.359 --> 01:09:20.960
Just, I mean, he has daughters my age and he's a married man. It's just the, it was just the

1300
01:09:20.960 --> 01:09:27.680
kindness was kind of overwhelming and just being in a new house, just me and my son is,

1301
01:09:27.680 --> 01:09:34.640
it was different too. So I'm just not used to that. No, I love this for you. And, and I know a bit about

1302
01:09:34.640 --> 01:09:41.120
Vivian's story and, you know, we've had our coaching call and, you know, it's very obvious to me that,

1303
01:09:41.120 --> 01:09:45.439
you know, God is using this man and there'll be others as well. Even men that are not your

1304
01:09:45.439 --> 01:09:52.399
spirit mate on the journey to your spirit mate, where he's using these men to rewrite the story

1305
01:09:52.399 --> 01:09:58.960
of men in your life, to rewrite what men do, how they show up. You know, this man doesn't

1306
01:09:58.960 --> 01:09:59.920
have anything to gain.

1307
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.920
by helping you. He's being a true gentleman. The divine masculine friends is a servant,

1308
01:10:05.920 --> 01:10:12.880
is a giver, is a nurturer. I know we think women are the nurturers, and yes, we are.

1309
01:10:12.880 --> 01:10:17.600
The feminine is nurturing as well, but the masculine is also nurturing, protective,

1310
01:10:17.600 --> 01:10:24.080
helpful, providing. And so we dumb guys down to a paycheck like, oh, they're supposed to provide.

1311
01:10:24.080 --> 01:10:28.800
You guys, men are created to do so much more than that, so much more than that. Please don't think

1312
01:10:28.800 --> 01:10:33.760
of men that way because some of you are boss babes. And guess what? The man you marry isn't

1313
01:10:33.760 --> 01:10:39.280
going to make as much money as you. He's not going to be as successful in business or in life that

1314
01:10:39.280 --> 01:10:44.160
way monetarily as you, but he has so much more that he brings to the table than just that.

1315
01:10:45.120 --> 01:10:49.200
Okay. So that's important because, and I'm saying that because some of you ladies are very, very,

1316
01:10:49.200 --> 01:10:54.400
very successful. I know you have had coaching calls with you. Now it doesn't mean that that's

1317
01:10:54.400 --> 01:10:59.280
true of your love story, but it might be. You're going to be looking for divine masculine in these

1318
01:10:59.280 --> 01:11:03.040
love stories. That's going to be the most important thing. So Vivian, I'm so glad that you're getting

1319
01:11:03.040 --> 01:11:08.720
that experience and thank you for doing your homework and continue to do it. I want you to

1320
01:11:08.720 --> 01:11:14.480
do it more, maybe not necessarily with just this man, but I have a feeling that God has men kind

1321
01:11:14.480 --> 01:11:23.120
of wind up in your day-to-day life that are going to help you and continue to reframe men just in

1322
01:11:23.120 --> 01:11:32.480
general for you. It's going to be good. It's going to be really good. Ah, I love it. You know,

1323
01:11:32.480 --> 01:11:38.000
fatherless daughter here and can tell you that God told me early on when I, you know, when I first

1324
01:11:38.000 --> 01:11:43.520
became a believer that I was going to have seven father figures in my life when I hadn't even had

1325
01:11:43.520 --> 01:11:51.280
one yet. And I was already in my twenties and he was true to his word. I've had seven significant

1326
01:11:51.280 --> 01:11:59.600
relationships with father level men that have promoted me and believed in me and helped me

1327
01:11:59.600 --> 01:12:03.680
and furthered me. And some of them are famous people that you guys would recognize famous

1328
01:12:03.680 --> 01:12:09.200
Christians that for whatever reason, just picked me out of the flock and was like, yep, this is

1329
01:12:09.200 --> 01:12:13.360
going to be my kind of spiritual daughter. I'm going to push her forward. You know, I'm going to

1330
01:12:13.360 --> 01:12:18.960
promote her. I'm going to help her. I'm going to, I'm going to show her affection in a fatherly way.

1331
01:12:18.960 --> 01:12:24.800
And, uh, I'm very thankful for that. Okay. Um, yes, Helen, you can read out wide. One of your

1332
01:12:24.800 --> 01:12:32.240
answers. Go ahead. Okay. I'll be quick. And part of it is so that I, I don't fall back into the

1333
01:12:32.240 --> 01:12:36.960
pattern of, um, partnering with lies, you know, but it was the one that said, um, name what

1334
01:12:36.960 --> 01:12:41.280
disappointment has taught you to believe. And if, even if you wish it weren't true, where have

1335
01:12:41.280 --> 01:12:45.920
has disappointment delayed or unanswered prayers changed the way you see God. And I wrote, I've

1336
01:12:45.920 --> 01:12:51.120
struggled with feeling unseen and favored and unheard overlooked punished for my wrongdoings

1337
01:12:51.120 --> 01:12:56.400
in my love life in life. I have come out and still coming out of agreement with these lives from the

1338
01:12:56.400 --> 01:13:02.400
pit of hell that intent harm and separation from God and his love and goodness in the past. I've

1339
01:13:02.400 --> 01:13:07.600
accused God and been hard of heart against him because I thought he was punishing me, passing

1340
01:13:07.600 --> 01:13:11.760
me over and overlooking me. I've come out of agreement also, and asked for his forgiveness

1341
01:13:11.760 --> 01:13:16.320
of this horrible lies from the pit of hell in the past. My disappointment delay and an

1342
01:13:16.320 --> 01:13:20.240
unsaid prayer has caused me to forget how faithful, loving, gracious, good, merciful,

1343
01:13:20.240 --> 01:13:25.120
protective, covering compassionate. My God has been and continues to be.

1344
01:13:27.040 --> 01:13:33.840
Ah, I love that. I love that. And that kind of, that, that really reiterates, um, some of what's

1345
01:13:33.840 --> 01:13:42.080
going on with, um, with Vivian, but I really, for all of you, one of my, one of my heart's desires

1346
01:13:42.080 --> 01:13:46.640
for all of you. And I believe the heart of God for all of you is that you would feel fathered

1347
01:13:46.640 --> 01:13:52.560
like never before in this season and this season of time, the next 90 days, you would just receive

1348
01:13:52.560 --> 01:13:59.040
so much evidence and confirmation that you are being cared for, that you're being loved,

1349
01:13:59.040 --> 01:14:04.240
that you're being, you know, led, that you're being promoted in life, that you're being

1350
01:14:04.240 --> 01:14:09.280
accelerated, um, protected so many different things. Okay. So we're going to head into next

1351
01:14:09.280 --> 01:14:15.760
week's, um, coaching. There's going to be stuff underneath your course, your content guide there

1352
01:14:15.760 --> 01:14:20.000
about our next week where we're going to build friends. We're not going to throw out divine

1353
01:14:20.000 --> 01:14:23.280
surrender. Once again, some of you are going to need to sign that permission slip every single

1354
01:14:23.280 --> 01:14:27.200
day, because that's where you are in life. You just got to keep giving it up, giving it away,

1355
01:14:27.200 --> 01:14:32.560
giving it to God, giving it to God. All right. But we're going to be catching those counterfeits.

1356
01:14:33.440 --> 01:14:38.000
Who do we become to be loved? Who do we think we need to become to be loved?

1357
01:14:38.800 --> 01:14:43.600
We saw Hannah said some of that, you know, where do I have to get to? What part of readiness do I

1358
01:14:43.600 --> 01:14:48.880
have to get to? But, you know, some of us become the performer. Some of us become the passive girl

1359
01:14:48.880 --> 01:14:54.240
guy, like cool girl guy. Like I don't want any things, whatever you want to give me the fixer,

1360
01:14:54.240 --> 01:14:59.840
the chaser, the shape shifter, the spiritualizer, whatever it is in your family that you had to be.

1361
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:07.280
come to receive love or to feel like you were belonged or accepted.

1362
01:15:07.280 --> 01:15:10.720
And then we just really want to talk about the counterfeits.

1363
01:15:10.720 --> 01:15:13.220
Remember, trauma doesn't just hurt us.

1364
01:15:13.220 --> 01:15:17.520
It created different versions of us, and it's not the trauma that's going to keep you from

1365
01:15:17.520 --> 01:15:20.080
living this big, abundant, beautiful life.

1366
01:15:20.080 --> 01:15:22.760
It is the lie that you believe because of the trauma.

1367
01:15:22.760 --> 01:15:24.400
So we're going to get down to that.

1368
01:15:24.400 --> 01:15:25.400
Don't worry.

1369
01:15:25.400 --> 01:15:27.160
The teaching and the worksheets will help you dig into it.

1370
01:15:27.160 --> 01:15:29.680
In the meantime, continue to do this homework.

1371
01:15:29.680 --> 01:15:31.720
Finish the worksheets if you haven't done the worksheets.

1372
01:15:31.720 --> 01:15:35.760
Show up in the Facebook page and share.

1373
01:15:35.760 --> 01:15:36.760
Share your insights.

1374
01:15:36.760 --> 01:15:38.400
Some of you didn't want to share here.

1375
01:15:38.400 --> 01:15:40.080
Share there.

1376
01:15:40.080 --> 01:15:42.480
Your breakthrough helps make breakthrough for other people.

1377
01:15:42.480 --> 01:15:43.480
Okay?

1378
01:15:43.480 --> 01:15:44.480
It creates breakthroughs for others.

1379
01:15:44.480 --> 01:15:45.480
So share there.

1380
01:15:45.480 --> 01:15:46.480
I'll be reading those.

1381
01:15:46.480 --> 01:15:48.240
I will be commenting back.

1382
01:15:48.240 --> 01:15:53.120
As you guys have aha moments, as you have dreams, there's not that many people in here,

1383
01:15:53.120 --> 01:15:54.640
so I'll even interpret your dreams.

1384
01:15:54.640 --> 01:15:55.640
Okay?

1385
01:15:55.640 --> 01:15:59.640
I do have the gift to interpret dreams, and I will interpret them if you write them down.

1386
01:16:00.600 --> 01:16:01.600
On the Facebook page.

1387
01:16:01.600 --> 01:16:03.720
Do not voice message them to me.

1388
01:16:03.720 --> 01:16:04.720
I don't want to hear them.

1389
01:16:04.720 --> 01:16:06.240
I want to see them.

1390
01:16:06.240 --> 01:16:10.440
So write them down, and I will take a look at them, just for y'all.

1391
01:16:10.440 --> 01:16:11.440
Okay?

1392
01:16:11.440 --> 01:16:15.600
When I tell you how many dreams people send me, I'm like, look, I don't know who you think

1393
01:16:15.600 --> 01:16:17.320
I am, but I am not.

1394
01:16:17.320 --> 01:16:20.720
I cannot be interpreting the dreams of thousands of people.

1395
01:16:20.720 --> 01:16:23.840
But for y'all, I will do it.

1396
01:16:23.840 --> 01:16:26.800
And it'll be a confirmation of some things that you already felt, and I'll teach you

1397
01:16:26.800 --> 01:16:28.560
how to kind of look into that too.

1398
01:16:28.560 --> 01:16:29.560
Keep a dream journal.

1399
01:16:29.560 --> 01:16:33.360
For those of you that are dreamers, or you're starting to have dreams, and friends, also

1400
01:16:33.360 --> 01:16:38.360
anything that seems supernatural, anything that just seems like a pattern of any kind

1401
01:16:38.360 --> 01:16:41.800
that keeps showing up while you're in this coaching, write it down.

1402
01:16:41.800 --> 01:16:42.800
Bring it in the group.

1403
01:16:42.800 --> 01:16:43.800
Post it.

1404
01:16:43.800 --> 01:16:47.000
A lot of patterns might start showing up right now.

1405
01:16:47.000 --> 01:16:49.240
God talks to us in patterns, right?

1406
01:16:49.240 --> 01:16:51.640
Not looking for the signs, not reading the tea leaves.

1407
01:16:51.640 --> 01:16:57.440
God talks to us in patterns, and I'm talking about positive patterns, not negative patterns.

1408
01:16:57.480 --> 01:17:02.040
I'm talking about, you know, reading something in the Bible and then going to church, and

1409
01:17:02.040 --> 01:17:05.200
that's the scripture that they're, you know, you're just randomly reading.

1410
01:17:05.200 --> 01:17:06.200
You just read a scripture.

1411
01:17:06.200 --> 01:17:07.200
You're like, oh.

1412
01:17:07.200 --> 01:17:11.240
Then you go to church that week, and that's the scripture that they're teaching on.

1413
01:17:11.240 --> 01:17:14.520
And then later on that week, you know, you have the verse of the day.

1414
01:17:14.520 --> 01:17:17.000
You've subscribed to that somewhere, and guess what?

1415
01:17:17.000 --> 01:17:18.640
That's the verse that pops up.

1416
01:17:18.640 --> 01:17:20.520
What's happening?

1417
01:17:20.520 --> 01:17:26.440
God's inviting you into taking a deeper look at whatever that is, and whatever that says,

1418
01:17:26.440 --> 01:17:27.440
right?

1419
01:17:27.440 --> 01:17:31.840
I'm not talking about you dating Brad and passing a street sign that says Brad, and

1420
01:17:31.840 --> 01:17:35.040
you all of a sudden thinking Brad is your husband, okay?

1421
01:17:35.040 --> 01:17:38.640
That's not the kind of signs I'm talking about.

1422
01:17:38.640 --> 01:17:43.280
I'm talking about things that are drawing you into deeper relationship with God, because

1423
01:17:43.280 --> 01:17:49.880
everything that you want in this life is on the other side of deeper trust and surrender

1424
01:17:49.880 --> 01:17:54.320
to God, because his plan for you is already good, and there are so many things that he's

1425
01:17:54.320 --> 01:18:00.280
already trying to get to you that perhaps you're just not seeing.

1426
01:18:00.280 --> 01:18:05.000
And my job is to help take off the blinders so you can see them.

1427
01:18:05.000 --> 01:18:07.600
All right, so Father God, we're so thankful.

1428
01:18:07.600 --> 01:18:11.680
As we go into counterfeits next week, I just pray that you begin to show us where we're

1429
01:18:11.680 --> 01:18:17.000
incongruent with our garden selves, where we're being people that we think other people

1430
01:18:17.000 --> 01:18:21.640
want us to be in order to earn or receive love, but that is not who you created us to

1431
01:18:21.640 --> 01:18:22.640
be.

1432
01:18:22.640 --> 01:18:28.240
We want to have full permission in ourselves to be exactly who you've created us to be

1433
01:18:28.240 --> 01:18:31.120
with no apologies.

1434
01:18:31.120 --> 01:18:36.400
Let that person start to reveal itself from the unconscious to the conscious, and anything

1435
01:18:36.400 --> 01:18:42.160
that we're doing that is perpetuating the counterfeit, I pray that you would show us

1436
01:18:42.160 --> 01:18:43.160
that as well.

1437
01:18:43.160 --> 01:18:47.600
Any behavior that is following a counterfeit identity, I pray that you would reveal and

1438
01:18:47.600 --> 01:18:48.840
heal that as well.

1439
01:18:48.840 --> 01:18:50.120
In Jesus' name, amen.

1440
01:18:50.120 --> 01:18:51.920
All right, friends.

1441
01:18:51.920 --> 01:18:53.880
I will see you in the Facebook page.

1442
01:18:53.880 --> 01:18:58.200
I'll see some of you other places that have different levels of coaching, but I will see

1443
01:18:58.200 --> 01:19:01.800
all of you here on Tuesday for our next class.

1444
01:19:01.800 --> 01:19:03.240
Watch the app for your homework.

1445
01:19:03.240 --> 01:19:04.240
I'll see you soon.

1446
01:19:04.240 --> 01:19:04.240