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All right, we're going to get started here.

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This is week two's coaching, and I'm going to set us up for the last week of inner work.

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So this is our second week of inner work, we'll have one more week, and I've kind of

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set that up here in our teaching.

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Remember, Mondays is more just me introducing the subject.

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We're going to start every Monday with just a little bit of recap of the last week and

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a little bit of questions and Q&A, we can't take too long on that, because we want to

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get you out of here in 60 minutes.

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All right, so then we're going to set up this subject, you guys already have some worksheets

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in your portal, so that you can dig deeper into this.

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And I'm so excited already, there are so many people that are getting breakthroughs in the

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area of control, you're seeing where you're controlling, you're seeing where that control

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is just sneaking in, you're also getting other messages, outside messages about control,

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and about letting go, about surrender.

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And I don't just love it when God confirms stuff, he just confirms that you're right

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where you should be, right where you should be all the time.

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And so that's so exciting to me.

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And a lot of you are, you know, it doesn't feel good necessarily to have this confirmed

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that, oh, hey, you know, I'm trying to control things, or I'm not surrendering, or I'm trying

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to make this happen my way.

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But it is important to note, because God has a plan, and it's better than your plan.

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That's the number one thing.

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But the tension that we're going to learn in this 12 weeks is not just to surrender

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everything to God and just go sit in a corner somewhere and wait for him to give it to you.

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That's not the takeaway, okay?

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That is not the takeaway.

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And in fact, in just a couple weeks, we're going to be full throttle, full speed ahead

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into dating, into the outer work and dating.

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All of that is our do.

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Right now, we're dealing with our who, we're dealing with God is God and we are not, we're

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dealing with his perfect and beautiful plan for us that we can't mess up.

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So if you thought you already messed it up, you didn't, because that's really not possible.

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You're not that powerful to mess up God's plan for you.

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You can delay it a little bit.

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You know, that's the other thing about the enemy.

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People are so enemy focused, depending on where you were discipled, where people taught

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you about Jesus and God in the spirit, then the spiritual, but the enemy also cannot mess

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that up.

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Now I was reading my Bible today and I was reading about not just how that, because we

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just entered into, for those of you that aren't aware of there being two new years

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every year, there is a Hebraic new year.

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There is a Hebraic calendar and Rosh Hashanah is the beginning of the year of that calendar.

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And it just happened over last weekend.

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And we are in the year 5787 and that will cross over and intersect with 2027 and that'll

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be great.

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But you know, there's a lot of meanings in that.

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I personally, as a matchmaker, believe that God is a God of times and seasons.

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I have seen that even today, friends.

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I have this guy who dropped in my DMs.

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He's a mutual friend of many of my friends.

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So many people that I know, know this guy, he's got a great reputation.

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He's a really good guy.

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He lives here in Austin, Texas, and we've been going back and forth, back and forth,

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back and forth.

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I had his sisters on a live with me once to talk about him on a live on my Instagram once,

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but I have never met him in person.

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His name is Luke.

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Today, I'm over at the venue.

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I'm teaching from our venue.

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We own a venue here in Austin, Texas.

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It's like a co-op space for Christians that are creatives.

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It has podcast studios.

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This is one of the studios that I'm in right now.

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And my daughter lives one street from here, my youngest daughter.

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And I called her earlier because she's a big meal prepper and she's always trying to

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get me to meal prep.

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You guys, I just am not vibing with that.

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But for whatever reason today, I was like, yeah, okay, babe, I'm going to meal prep because

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I'm really busy the next couple of weeks.

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So I'm going to do it.

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Tell me what we need to get.

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Will you go to the store with me when I come over to wheelhouse?

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Yes, mom, I'll go with you.

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So I came over, I went and picked her up and then she likes to drive when we're together.

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She drives my car.

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I'm like driving this Daisy.

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She's just driving me around.

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So she's driving me.

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And the plan was to go to my favorite grocery store, which is called sprouts.

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It's like an organic grocery store.

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And then right up from sprouts is Costco.

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Now this is not my Costco.

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I have a Costco by my house where I live in Cedar Park.

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And I always go to that Costco and a lot of times I just get stuff delivered from that

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Costco on Instacart.

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I don't even go to Costco because I freaking hate going to Costco.

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Okay.

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And so this is not my Costco.

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to see the trajectory of this.

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It's not my Costco, and I really, really

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wanted to go to Sprouts.

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And in order to get to both of those grocery stores,

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they're right next to each other,

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but it's on a one-way road.

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So you have to go to Sprouts first, and then get your stuff,

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and then cool out, and then you can go into Costco.

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But if you pass Sprouts, then you're just, you know,

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you're SOL.

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You've got to go all the way around eventually

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someday when you decide to go back that way

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and go back to Sprouts.

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So my daughter's driving, and she passes Sprouts.

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And I'm like, babe, I wanted to go to Sprouts.

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And she said, I thought we'd go to Costco first.

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I was like, that doesn't make any sense

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because it's a one-way road.

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And she's like, uh, sorry.

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So we pull into Costco.

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We go inside.

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And as soon as we get inside, my little plant mama,

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she doesn't have any kids yet, but she's got a lot of plants,

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and she loves plants.

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And she goes right, she takes a beeline right

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to the plant section of Costco.

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And she's looking through the plants.

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And who walks around the corner but Luke?

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And I hear Jackie Dorman.

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And I turn around, and I'm like, Luke.

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And he's like, wow, I thought that was you.

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And I was like, yeah, it is.

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And we met in person for the first time.

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Do you see all the things that had to go

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into that divine appointment?

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Do you see how I had to be out of control for that to happen?

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Because I wanted to go to Sprouts.

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I don't even like Costco.

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I could have said to my daughter, no, babe.

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I really need to go to Sprouts.

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Can you go ahead and go down the road and make the U-turn

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and go back up and go back around so we can go to Sprouts?

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If I'm only going to get to one grocery store today,

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it's going to be Sprouts.

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Well, guess what?

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I didn't get to Sprouts.

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I only got to one grocery store today, and it was Costco.

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And the only thing I buy from Costco is chicken.

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So it didn't make a lot of sense.

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You guys, God leading and guiding us

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and us losing control, it's not always

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going to make a lot of sense.

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It's not always going to be fun.

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You're not always going to know what's going on.

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But there's divine appointments out there for you.

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There's divine connections out there for you.

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I have been talking to this guy for at least a year,

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or maybe more.

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He was in my program a while back,

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still had never met in person, met in person today.

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And he said to me, he doesn't know

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what I'm teaching you guys here.

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I said, Luke, I said, I guess it's time to matchmake you.

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I said, I guess it's time to spotlight you.

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And he said, wow, he's like, that would be great.

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But I've really surrendered this to God.

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He said, I finally have surrendered it.

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He's like, I've tried and tried.

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I've done things my way.

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He's like, and I finally surrendered it to God.

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He's like, I'm open to you spotlighting me and everything.

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But he had gotten to a place where he literally

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knew that what he was doing was counterproductive.

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And then what did God do for him?

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He literally had him walk right into the matchmaker.

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Because when I tell you that he's cute, and he's kind,

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and he's talented, and he's smart, and he's well-known

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and has a great reputation, and he's 34 years old,

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and he's in Austin, Texas, and when

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I tell you that I have a bazillion girls in Austin that

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would love to meet him, I'm not kidding.

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But would it have happened had all of that gone on?

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Probably not, because I'm super busy.

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And these full-time ministry guys,

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they don't have money to spend.

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And they're not in the program.

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They're not in different things than they used to be.

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But the bottom line is that these kind of things

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only happen serendipitously.

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Honestly, they do.

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And when I say serendipitously, I

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mean supernaturally serendipitously.

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So it's not really a happy accident.

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It's more of a happy divine appointment.

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So just a little lesson in losing control.

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It's a little lesson of getting out of your own way

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and getting out of God's way.

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So who else has had some divine appointments

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this week as a result of not getting your own way?

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Anybody else?

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I saw a couple of people post things

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in the group talking about little breakthroughs,

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little breakthroughs with asking for help,

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not trying to do everything yourself,

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not trying to control everything yourself,

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and then getting help in the most unexpected ways.

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One of the reasons why we have a hard time asking for help

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is because we usually have asked the wrong people for help.

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We ask people who we think owe us something

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because they're related to us, or we've been friends

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with them for a long time.

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But then they won't do it, whether they're

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our cousins, or uncles, or moms, or dads,

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or even our grown children.

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And then they don't want to help.

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They give us attitude about it, and or they're

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not available to help, even though we've

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helped them a million times.

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And then we're just like, fine, I'll do it myself.

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We cut our nose off to spite our face.

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Instead of what one of you guys did,

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and I don't remember which ones, you're

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going to have to speak up.

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But when her family said no, or couldn't,

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or didn't want to do it, we asked them to do it.

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didn't want to, she felt she went back to God, who's the head of the human resource department,

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And they said, no, we're not going to do it.

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We're not going to do it.

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and she felt like he prompted her to ask someone else, a neighbor, someone who doesn't owe her

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We're not going to do it.

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We're not going to do it.

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We're not going to do it.

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We're not going to do it.

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anything, who doesn't have to help her. Right? And guess what she asked, and she got help. Who was

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that? Which one of you was that? Sorry, if I've been sounding far away, I just realized my husband

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left me a microphone on the, on the desk and I never picked it up. Who was it? Was one of you

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guys? Hello. Tell us who you are. Was it you, Diane? Was it you, Karen? Neither one of you?

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Might've been me. Yeah. Was it about my, my watch, my Apple watch?

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No, this was about moving something into your basement.

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Oh no, it wasn't me.

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Okay. But Karen, do you have a story?

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I do have a story.

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Okay, go ahead.

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Well, my last week, well, it was about my daughter. I'm trying to think of how it ended

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because I left, I was over at my, my daughter's house. I was bathing the kids. So I always take

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my watch off. And I left it there in the next morning. I, and I even, I think I wrote this

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like on the form that you sent us, um, was, you know, I texted her cause our relationship is a

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little, uh, um, there's some tension there that's not resolved yet, but we're working, you know,

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I'm working on it. I'm keeping the door open. And, um, and so I texted her the next morning.

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I'm like, Hey, can you run my, my watch over to my house? And I don't really, I don't remember

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if I have a story around that. Like, you know, just the fact that I asked her, I got, you know,

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like, she's like, no, I'm, um, what did she say? Oh, I left already. Cause I was going to meet her

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in Leander, um, where she drops her kids off to daycare and to school. And I thought, well,

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that's this, she's like, you can meet me there. And I'm like, it's the same distance from Leander

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to, to Round Rock, you know, to her house. So I was like, well, I'm, uh, you know, I can just do

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it later, but it turned out, it just turned out really beautiful because I could have sought,

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I could have felt, you know, bad for myself. What was me? She always turns me down and all of that.

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And I just surrendered it. And I'm like, Lord, you know, it's, it's yours. So, uh, long story

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short that night, I went to her house and, and I don't remember like something's missing, like

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the, the end of the story is missing. Um, but something good happened where we got to actually

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sit and she opened up and shared little parts of her life with me, which she hasn't done

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forever, like forever, but just the mirror. So what you're saying is, is that she wouldn't

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bring you the watch, but because she didn't bring you the watch, you had to go back to her house.

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And this is when she opened up to you. Yes, there it is. I love that. And by the way, my story that

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I was just telling of one of yours is Jane. I don't think that Jane is here yet. I don't know

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that I see her. Um, so that's beautiful. Do you guys see that? It didn't work out the way that

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Karen wanted to work out. And we're going to talk about counterfeits it tonight. This is how we're

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going to build on the control. Like who shows up when we don't get our way, who shows up when we're

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scared or disappointed, like what, what counterfeit version of us shows up in these

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situations. I bet you didn't know that you had multiple personalities, but you do

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each and every one of you have multiple personalities, some worse than others,

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some unaware of those other versions of ourselves, because trauma doesn't just hurt us. It creates

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different versions of us. And no, this is not new age psycho babble. This is not weirdness.

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It's not mental illness. You know, the human condition is very adaptable and it wants to

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survive. You know, part of the curse that we all fell into with original sin is that we want to

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survive. And in order to survive, you can become really creative in order to survive. And those

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are those other versions of us. Those are the versions that were created because of something

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that happened. And we'll talk about that in a second, because we need all of those versions

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to integrate, or at least we need to be aware of those versions because we don't want them

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swiping on dating apps for us. We don't want them showing up to dates. We don't want them

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choosing mates for us. A hundred percent. No. Um, we also don't want them living our lives,

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going to our jobs, picking out food for us because some of them are emotional eaters.

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We don't want that happening. We want to be very aware about when we're triggered and why we're

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triggered and what happens afterwards. Right. That's important. So we're going to go there

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in a second. Carly, you're up. Hey, Jackie. Hi, everyone. Um, I just wanted to share,

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um, so I was about to move.

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house due to a circumstance where the people that I live with, the lady was in a really

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serious car accident.

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And as a counterfeit, what I realized along the way, actually, even as I was just sitting

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here, it was a bit of a revelation, aha moment, that I've often, that it doesn't happen

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very often, but there was a part of me that the future of the unknown was so prevalent,

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I guess you could say, that part of me was like, okay, I think I need to move on.

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And the Lord stopped me over the weekend, and I was about to say yes to another house.

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And the Lord said, no, actually, I don't want you to do that.

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So I had another conversation with the people that I live with.

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And I was able to share that, you know, this is where my heart's at, realizing and stopping

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that like, oh, hang on a second, I've started to go, like, I've worked so hard to come out

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of being a runner or a freeze and then try and run, that everything in me was like, oh,

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oh no, something's not right.

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And it's challenging, but just because it's challenging doesn't mean that you give up.

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And so through that, I've found, like, I had to stop and go back to my peace, which that

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peace was, okay, I'm not supposed to leave, I'm supposed to stay.

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Stay where you are, don't move, and ride it through.

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And so yeah, it was like that, the both end, the less like the part that happened, and

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then I guess the lesson through it, or the recognition of like, oh, there's that runner

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that sometimes has occasionally come out before.

295
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Okay, that's really great.

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So Carly is talking about what's going to be your assignment for this week.

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She's obviously already done her homework heading into this week, which is great.

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She's talking about a counterfeit personality called the runner, which is just one of the

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options on those worksheets that you guys will have to dig in deeper.

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But what I love about what Carly just said is that what was Carly becoming because she

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couldn't control the situation?

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She couldn't control that this lady got into a car accident.

303
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What was she trying to do?

304
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She was trying to fix her problem, wasn't she?

305
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Carly was trying to fix her problem by doing something that was unnecessary, and that was

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move.

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She was scrambling around looking for something to fix the problem that she didn't even have.

308
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She didn't even have that problem.

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She didn't have to move.

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She wasn't being forced out.

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She didn't have to move.

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She was preempting a problem, and so many of us do that.

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We try to control things that don't need to be controlled.

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God told me at the beginning of this year, 2026, he said, Jackie, he said, I don't want

315
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you worrying this year.

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He said, if you can control it, and you need to control it because it's in your wheelhouse,

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it's your part to play, then control it.

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He said, but if it's my part to play, and you can't control it, give it to me because

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I am the queen of trying to problem solve problems that I don't have.

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I'm the queen of going ahead on the road and looking at the liability, being the person

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who is forecasting what trouble might come, and going ahead and putting in some sort of

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fail safe for that.

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I don't need to do that, and you don't need to do that either.

324
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You don't need to do that either, and so that can be part of how you control.

325
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You can call that being responsible, but responsibility is just a fancy word for fear.

326
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Oftentimes, it really is.

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Hopefully, you guys are seeing yourselves and how you control, even if it looks good

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like that, even if it looks responsible, and it looks like you're adulting, and you're

329
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grown up, and you're handling your business.

330
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No, you're handling business that maybe God wants to handle.

331
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Maybe God wants it to be handled differently than that, and that's the other thing.

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A lot of times when we're in that controlling place, we are also running plays from a playbook

333
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that's outdated.

334
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It's outdated.

335
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That might have worked in the past, and that might have been an okay decision back then,

336
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but it isn't the same thing now, and it doesn't need to be handled the same way.

337
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Does that make sense to anybody?

338
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It doesn't need to be handled the same way.

339
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For instance, Karen said in the past, she would just withdraw.

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Her daughter would disappoint her, and she would just withdraw.

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Maybe get quiet for a little while, maybe get colder for a little while, maybe feel

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super disappointed, like this is never going to work out, but she didn't this time, did

343
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she?

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She said, you know what?

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I can't control what my daughter does.

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She said no.

347
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I asked her.

348
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She said no.

349
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She said she didn't have time.

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I can control one thing, and that is my response, and so my response I'm going to give to God.

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I'm going to give my response to God, and what happened?

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Her daughter probably even unconsciously saw a change in her mom.

353
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She didn't see a mom who was upset or withdrawing or felt slighted.

354
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Mom came over.

355
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She was in a good mood.

356
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She came to get her watch.

357
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She came to get it herself, and then the daughter felt safe to open up.

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Do you see that?

359
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See how that works?

360
00:20:22.120 --> 00:20:25.600
My mom's husband, when she passed away, I guess you could call him my stepdad, my bonus

361
00:20:25.600 --> 00:20:26.600
dad if you want to.

362
00:20:27.120 --> 00:20:30.000
He didn't really raise me.

363
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Maybe for a couple years I was in the same house with them, but when my mom was alive,

364
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every time I would call to talk to her on the landline phone, back in the landline phone

365
00:20:40.560 --> 00:20:45.640
days, he would answer the phone and he would hand it straight to her.

366
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I'd get so upset about that.

367
00:20:47.000 --> 00:20:49.400
Why doesn't this man want to talk to me?

368
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He's kind of the only dad I've ever known, kind of, sort of, and why doesn't he want

369
00:20:54.240 --> 00:20:55.240
to talk to me?

370
00:20:55.440 --> 00:20:57.440
I don't understand why he doesn't want to talk to me.

371
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I would get so upset and I would try to control it.

372
00:21:00.640 --> 00:21:03.640
I'd try to control it through my mom by saying, I don't understand.

373
00:21:03.640 --> 00:21:04.640
Why doesn't he want to say hi?

374
00:21:04.640 --> 00:21:08.080
Why doesn't he shoot the breeze a little bit, you know, kind of thing.

375
00:21:08.080 --> 00:21:13.560
And then finally, God just said, hey, you need to let that go because he's intimidated

376
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by your conversion, because remember, I wasn't raised a Christian.

377
00:21:17.720 --> 00:21:19.120
So he's intimidated by your conversion.

378
00:21:19.120 --> 00:21:22.480
He doesn't want to be on the phone with you for too long because he feels like you're

379
00:21:22.480 --> 00:21:23.480
judging him.

380
00:21:23.720 --> 00:21:26.720
You know, even though I wasn't doing any of that stuff, this is the information that God's

381
00:21:26.720 --> 00:21:27.720
giving me.

382
00:21:27.720 --> 00:21:32.960
And so I was trying to control my communication with this guy and instead, I just gave it

383
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to God.

384
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And guess what happened?

385
00:21:35.320 --> 00:21:40.720
When I did that, he started communicating with me because he didn't feel like I was

386
00:21:40.720 --> 00:21:42.400
trying to orchestrate it or control it.

387
00:21:42.400 --> 00:21:47.600
He didn't feel like I was trying to, you know, possibly proselytize him in some way, which

388
00:21:47.600 --> 00:21:51.220
of course I wasn't, but you know, he felt like I was, I think.

389
00:21:51.220 --> 00:21:57.220
So I was just happy and excited about my faith and that, that was that.

390
00:21:57.220 --> 00:22:01.500
So you guys are so many different ways where we can try to control other people's thoughts

391
00:22:01.500 --> 00:22:02.500
of us.

392
00:22:02.500 --> 00:22:05.940
Anyone else try to control what someone else thinks of you like this, like I'm talking

393
00:22:05.940 --> 00:22:11.060
about with this guy, anyone else ever try to control what somebody else thinks of you?

394
00:22:11.060 --> 00:22:17.420
Anybody else can't stand it when you know someone doesn't like you or doesn't want to

395
00:22:17.420 --> 00:22:22.020
be around you or something, and you just got, you just got to win them over.

396
00:22:22.020 --> 00:22:25.180
You just got to control them, got to control the narrative, got to control what they think

397
00:22:25.180 --> 00:22:26.180
of you.

398
00:22:26.180 --> 00:22:27.180
Anybody else?

399
00:22:27.180 --> 00:22:30.980
Friends, there's going to be people that just don't like you and they don't even know why

400
00:22:30.980 --> 00:22:32.180
they don't like you.

401
00:22:32.180 --> 00:22:35.220
You're not going to know why they don't like you and you're never going to know, and you

402
00:22:35.220 --> 00:22:36.220
can't control it.

403
00:22:36.220 --> 00:22:40.540
You just got to L I G it, let it go.

404
00:22:40.540 --> 00:22:45.180
Gotta let it go.

405
00:22:45.180 --> 00:22:49.700
Has anyone ever, these are just things that Holy Spirit is just bringing to my mind right

406
00:22:49.700 --> 00:22:50.700
now.

407
00:22:50.700 --> 00:22:57.260
Has anyone ever been accused of something or misunderstood and you just could not rest

408
00:22:57.260 --> 00:23:00.740
until that person knew your side of it?

409
00:23:00.740 --> 00:23:03.700
You could not rest until people heard your side of it.

410
00:23:03.700 --> 00:23:05.380
You can't stand to be misunderstood.

411
00:23:05.380 --> 00:23:08.780
You can't stand to be accused of something that you haven't done.

412
00:23:08.780 --> 00:23:12.700
That's control.

413
00:23:12.700 --> 00:23:14.820
What other people believe about you is their business.

414
00:23:15.460 --> 00:23:17.820
If they're not seekers of truth and they don't want to seek out the truth, if they don't

415
00:23:17.820 --> 00:23:20.980
want to hear all sides of the story, that ain't your problem.

416
00:23:20.980 --> 00:23:26.860
Anyone ever been through a divorce where the friends chose your spouse and not you?

417
00:23:26.860 --> 00:23:28.580
They chose them.

418
00:23:28.580 --> 00:23:32.820
I had a bunch of that happen to me when I got divorced.

419
00:23:32.820 --> 00:23:37.500
Not only did that happen to me, when I started doing ministry, when I married David and I

420
00:23:37.500 --> 00:23:40.780
started doing ministry, because you guys, I was discipled by a church that didn't believe

421
00:23:40.780 --> 00:23:44.140
that women could be in ministry.

422
00:23:44.140 --> 00:23:46.580
How do you think that fit me?

423
00:23:46.580 --> 00:23:49.380
That wasn't a really good fit for me, was it?

424
00:23:49.380 --> 00:23:55.060
When I was away from that church, because the pastor went to prison, did I mention that?

425
00:23:55.060 --> 00:24:01.380
I wasn't married to that man who also believed that women should be seen and not heard.

426
00:24:01.380 --> 00:24:05.900
I'm married to my husband now and a whole different side of ministry, because David's

427
00:24:05.900 --> 00:24:12.460
been in vocational ministry for 27 years, my current husband.

428
00:24:12.460 --> 00:24:16.300
I post things on Facebook when Facebook first came out, which was what, when did Facebook

429
00:24:16.300 --> 00:24:17.300
come out?

430
00:24:17.300 --> 00:24:21.860
2007, 2008, and to us, non-college students.

431
00:24:21.860 --> 00:24:25.460
I would post spiritual things and stuff.

432
00:24:25.460 --> 00:24:33.420
Some people who have no dog in this race, they have no horse in this race, they have

433
00:24:33.420 --> 00:24:35.940
no dog in this fight, they have absolutely no reason.

434
00:24:35.940 --> 00:24:40.820
All they did was attend a church with me and my former husband, a church, by the way, that

435
00:24:40.820 --> 00:24:42.860
fell apart because the pastor went to prison.

436
00:24:42.860 --> 00:24:51.500
They had the nerve to post on one of my ministry posts just how I shouldn't be talking about

437
00:24:51.500 --> 00:24:59.140
anything because I'm divorced, and I shouldn't divorce my husband because I had an affair

438
00:24:59.140 --> 00:24:59.860
or something.

439
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.880
That's completely not true.

440
00:25:01.880 --> 00:25:04.300
I was just like, wait, what?

441
00:25:04.300 --> 00:25:07.760
You guys, I could have really, really, really tried

442
00:25:07.760 --> 00:25:11.040
to get that person back and control that narrative,

443
00:25:11.040 --> 00:25:15.840
but I didn't because it's fruitless.

444
00:25:15.840 --> 00:25:17.720
People can think whatever they want about you.

445
00:25:17.720 --> 00:25:20.520
So let me see the hands of people who've been misunderstood

446
00:25:20.520 --> 00:25:23.100
and you couldn't control that, but you did try.

447
00:25:23.100 --> 00:25:26.160
You did try to clear the air.

448
00:25:27.120 --> 00:25:29.600
You did try to speak your peace.

449
00:25:29.600 --> 00:25:32.240
You did try to get people to see your side of things.

450
00:25:38.800 --> 00:25:41.000
Okay, all right.

451
00:25:41.000 --> 00:25:43.040
Anybody else find any other unique ways

452
00:25:43.040 --> 00:25:46.640
that you try to control that aren't just the normal ways

453
00:25:46.640 --> 00:25:49.580
that we think of readily when we think of control?

454
00:25:52.080 --> 00:25:54.600
Anybody else need to drive everywhere you go?

455
00:25:54.600 --> 00:25:55.880
You don't want anyone to pick you up.

456
00:25:55.880 --> 00:25:56.760
You got to drive.

457
00:25:56.760 --> 00:25:58.400
You're the driver.

458
00:25:58.400 --> 00:26:00.040
You pick up your friends.

459
00:26:05.720 --> 00:26:07.920
If people aren't going at the time that you want to go

460
00:26:07.920 --> 00:26:09.400
and they're not going to go and do,

461
00:26:09.400 --> 00:26:10.960
and they're not going to park where you want to park,

462
00:26:10.960 --> 00:26:12.580
then you're not going to go at all.

463
00:26:12.580 --> 00:26:13.500
Anybody else?

464
00:26:20.900 --> 00:26:22.440
Can't be back by 8 p.m.?

465
00:26:22.440 --> 00:26:24.040
8 p.m. is my bedtime.

466
00:26:24.040 --> 00:26:25.780
I can't be out past my bedtime.

467
00:26:26.780 --> 00:26:28.940
This is my routine.

468
00:26:28.940 --> 00:26:31.100
I can't do that because this is my routine.

469
00:26:32.820 --> 00:26:35.140
And you can fill in the blank with whatever your routine is.

470
00:26:35.140 --> 00:26:37.140
No, I can't do that, that this is my routine.

471
00:26:37.140 --> 00:26:39.240
You guys, that's controlling behavior.

472
00:26:41.540 --> 00:26:42.740
It's good to have structure.

473
00:26:42.740 --> 00:26:44.020
It's good to have a routine.

474
00:26:44.020 --> 00:26:46.140
It's also good to be out of a routine.

475
00:26:46.860 --> 00:26:49.260
Anyone else picking up what I'm laying down right now?

476
00:26:53.580 --> 00:26:55.380
I have a question.

477
00:26:55.380 --> 00:26:56.820
Sure.

478
00:26:56.820 --> 00:26:58.580
I'm looking at your questions in the chat.

479
00:26:58.580 --> 00:26:59.620
Go ahead.

480
00:26:59.620 --> 00:27:05.220
I have the opposite issue of when I'm misunderstood,

481
00:27:05.220 --> 00:27:09.060
at least in the past, with drawing rather than

482
00:27:09.060 --> 00:27:10.620
with the actual person.

483
00:27:10.620 --> 00:27:12.580
I'm not sure if that's a good way to put it.

484
00:27:12.580 --> 00:27:14.460
I'm not sure if that's a good way to put it.

485
00:27:14.500 --> 00:27:17.300
Withdrawing rather than addressing it

486
00:27:17.300 --> 00:27:20.180
because I feel like they're not going to even care?

487
00:27:20.180 --> 00:27:21.020
Is that control?

488
00:27:21.020 --> 00:27:23.340
Is that?

489
00:27:23.340 --> 00:27:25.420
We'll probably get more into that today

490
00:27:25.420 --> 00:27:28.700
with the counterfeits.

491
00:27:28.700 --> 00:27:31.900
Yeah, we'll get more into that with the counterfeits.

492
00:27:31.900 --> 00:27:35.820
What I really, guys, want you to see before we leave control,

493
00:27:35.820 --> 00:27:37.940
before we leave that, because we're building, you guys.

494
00:27:37.940 --> 00:27:38.980
We're not getting rid of control.

495
00:27:38.980 --> 00:27:39.780
We're just building on it.

496
00:27:39.780 --> 00:27:41.340
We're not getting rid of supernatural surrender.

497
00:27:41.340 --> 00:27:42.500
We're just building on it.

498
00:27:42.540 --> 00:27:44.660
But I really want you to see the different ways

499
00:27:44.660 --> 00:27:47.300
that it looks because it doesn't have to look.

500
00:27:47.300 --> 00:27:49.860
All of us, if I said, think of the most controlling person

501
00:27:49.860 --> 00:27:51.980
you know, all of you could immediately think of that

502
00:27:51.980 --> 00:27:53.660
person.

503
00:27:53.660 --> 00:27:59.060
And it doesn't have to look like them, whatever that is.

504
00:27:59.060 --> 00:28:00.700
It doesn't have to look like that.

505
00:28:00.700 --> 00:28:03.380
It can look like a lot of different things.

506
00:28:03.380 --> 00:28:06.340
And same with surrender.

507
00:28:06.340 --> 00:28:08.140
Control, OK.

508
00:28:08.140 --> 00:28:11.900
But also, you can live a life that's not fully surrendered.

509
00:28:12.620 --> 00:28:14.820
You still want what you want when you want it

510
00:28:14.820 --> 00:28:15.860
and how you want it.

511
00:28:19.460 --> 00:28:21.380
I just was going back and forth with another one

512
00:28:21.380 --> 00:28:23.380
of my male clients today.

513
00:28:23.380 --> 00:28:28.060
And he doesn't think he's an avoidant attacher.

514
00:28:28.060 --> 00:28:31.340
But if you saw the laundry list of criteria

515
00:28:31.340 --> 00:28:36.660
he has for his future wife, I went as far

516
00:28:36.660 --> 00:28:39.420
as to send him this checklist.

517
00:28:39.420 --> 00:28:40.940
And I will give this to all of you

518
00:28:40.940 --> 00:28:44.380
when we get to attachment styles later of you

519
00:28:44.380 --> 00:28:46.660
might be an avoidant attacher if.

520
00:28:46.660 --> 00:28:48.700
And there's about 25 things on there.

521
00:28:48.700 --> 00:28:53.100
And they're spelled out real clear with examples.

522
00:28:53.100 --> 00:28:54.980
I sent him this checklist earlier today.

523
00:28:54.980 --> 00:28:58.340
And I said, can you take a look at this

524
00:28:58.340 --> 00:29:00.820
since you don't think that you have avoidant tendencies?

525
00:29:00.820 --> 00:29:01.620
We'll be polite.

526
00:29:01.620 --> 00:29:03.660
And we'll say tendencies.

527
00:29:03.660 --> 00:29:04.980
Can you take a look at this?

528
00:29:04.980 --> 00:29:09.060
And can you honestly check off the ones that apply to you?

529
00:29:09.060 --> 00:29:12.020
Any version of it applies to you.

530
00:29:12.020 --> 00:29:16.780
He sent me back two out of 25 that might apply.

531
00:29:16.780 --> 00:29:18.380
And so you know what I did?

532
00:29:18.380 --> 00:29:21.620
I took his list and all of his criteria

533
00:29:21.620 --> 00:29:23.980
and everything he wrote me about his list.

534
00:29:23.980 --> 00:29:25.340
I took it.

535
00:29:25.340 --> 00:29:27.260
And I took bits and pieces of it.

536
00:29:27.260 --> 00:29:30.380
And I put it next to the different ones

537
00:29:30.380 --> 00:29:31.420
on the list of 25.

538
00:29:31.580 --> 00:29:34.700
And I said, you want to take another look over here?

539
00:29:38.300 --> 00:29:40.980
Because this is what this looks like in real life.

540
00:29:44.180 --> 00:29:45.500
Right?

541
00:29:45.500 --> 00:29:46.580
So what's he trying to do?

542
00:29:46.580 --> 00:29:48.620
He's trying to control the outcome.

543
00:29:48.620 --> 00:29:53.300
This list is a wall to keep him safe.

544
00:29:53.300 --> 00:29:56.860
Anxious people, anxious-tendencied people,

545
00:29:56.860 --> 00:29:59.260
anxious people, anxious-tendencied people,

546
00:29:59.260 --> 00:30:01.340
anxious-tendencied people.

547
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.240
When it comes to relationship, they're trying to control,

548
00:30:02.240 --> 00:30:03.400
they're trying to control the narrative,

549
00:30:03.400 --> 00:30:06.520
what people think of them, how people feel about them,

550
00:30:06.520 --> 00:30:09.520
you know, whether they will be rejected or loved

551
00:30:09.520 --> 00:30:12.200
and avoidant people are trying to control

552
00:30:12.200 --> 00:30:13.440
not being controlled.

553
00:30:13.440 --> 00:30:15.320
They're trying to avoid being trapped.

554
00:30:15.320 --> 00:30:19.720
They're trying to avoid and control being in situations

555
00:30:19.720 --> 00:30:22.480
that make them feel uncomfortable emotionally,

556
00:30:22.480 --> 00:30:24.920
stretch them emotionally, all different types of things.

557
00:30:24.920 --> 00:30:28.220
So friends, we're all here together in this boat.

558
00:30:28.260 --> 00:30:30.740
And I hope that you guys have really taken the time

559
00:30:30.740 --> 00:30:33.340
to pray into this first week

560
00:30:33.340 --> 00:30:36.260
and letting God show you all the Jenga pieces

561
00:30:36.260 --> 00:30:39.660
that need to be pulled out so that we can build on it.

562
00:30:39.660 --> 00:30:41.180
Karen, we'll take you real quick right now

563
00:30:41.180 --> 00:30:43.140
and then we're gonna go ahead and go into week two,

564
00:30:43.140 --> 00:30:46.440
teaching, and then you guys will do the worksheets.

565
00:30:47.420 --> 00:30:48.260
You'll dig into this.

566
00:30:48.260 --> 00:30:49.660
You'll have a little bit more homework assignment.

567
00:30:49.660 --> 00:30:51.140
I'll tell you what it is in just a second.

568
00:30:51.140 --> 00:30:54.380
And then on Thursday, we'll really dig into your counterfeits

569
00:30:54.380 --> 00:30:55.540
and it's gonna be fun.

570
00:30:55.540 --> 00:30:56.660
All right, go ahead, Karen.

571
00:30:56.660 --> 00:30:59.980
Okay, so I feel like I've dealt

572
00:30:59.980 --> 00:31:01.740
with a lot of my control issues.

573
00:31:02.700 --> 00:31:06.100
With the Lord, I'm old enough to have experienced

574
00:31:06.100 --> 00:31:08.340
all of that, what it does.

575
00:31:09.580 --> 00:31:14.580
But can you control a desire to have a particular verdict?

576
00:31:18.580 --> 00:31:22.180
Even though I can't control the outcome,

577
00:31:22.180 --> 00:31:25.940
for instance, I think one of my biggest fears

578
00:31:25.980 --> 00:31:30.420
that came up was like, if this guy turns,

579
00:31:32.140 --> 00:31:35.340
or if it turns out that this guy is a total fraud,

580
00:31:35.340 --> 00:31:39.860
he shows up, he appears all great and all of that,

581
00:31:39.860 --> 00:31:44.860
I have this tendency to think that the verdict

582
00:31:46.900 --> 00:31:51.900
is I'm not lovable, is can you find some control in there?

583
00:31:52.740 --> 00:31:57.660
Because I'm concerned that there could be

584
00:31:57.660 --> 00:32:00.620
and that I can rule a person out

585
00:32:00.620 --> 00:32:03.500
because I'd have to face that verdict

586
00:32:03.500 --> 00:32:05.540
of me not being lovable.

587
00:32:06.660 --> 00:32:09.820
Are you trying to control not being controlling?

588
00:32:09.820 --> 00:32:10.660
Yes.

589
00:32:10.660 --> 00:32:12.460
Because I feel like that's what's happening.

590
00:32:12.460 --> 00:32:14.500
What you're talking, Karen, what you're talking about more

591
00:32:14.500 --> 00:32:17.500
is gonna be into what you do when you feel out of control,

592
00:32:17.500 --> 00:32:19.180
which is gonna be these counterfeits.

593
00:32:19.180 --> 00:32:20.820
And we're gonna head into there now.

594
00:32:20.820 --> 00:32:22.820
But don't control not being controlling.

595
00:32:23.820 --> 00:32:26.220
Exactly, exactly.

596
00:32:29.420 --> 00:32:34.420
You guys, all of us try to be responsible

597
00:32:36.620 --> 00:32:38.580
and we all try to have it together

598
00:32:38.580 --> 00:32:40.260
and we all try to control a lot of things

599
00:32:40.260 --> 00:32:41.500
and control is not always bad,

600
00:32:41.500 --> 00:32:43.780
responsibility is not always bad,

601
00:32:43.780 --> 00:32:45.900
but we don't want it to sabotage us.

602
00:32:45.900 --> 00:32:47.020
So let's talk about that.

603
00:32:47.020 --> 00:32:49.740
So week two is gonna be about catching the counterfeits.

604
00:32:49.740 --> 00:32:51.100
We all have them.

605
00:32:51.100 --> 00:32:52.340
And so here are a few questions

606
00:32:52.340 --> 00:32:54.100
to start out today's teaching.

607
00:32:54.100 --> 00:32:57.940
Who do you become to feel safe?

608
00:32:57.940 --> 00:33:01.140
Last week we were asking, what am I trying to control?

609
00:33:01.140 --> 00:33:03.220
Who am I trying to control?

610
00:33:03.220 --> 00:33:04.860
What does control look like in my life?

611
00:33:04.860 --> 00:33:06.100
And this week we're gonna ask,

612
00:33:06.100 --> 00:33:08.260
who do I become when I don't feel safe,

613
00:33:08.260 --> 00:33:10.580
when I can't control the outcome

614
00:33:10.580 --> 00:33:14.260
or when something that I really want

615
00:33:14.260 --> 00:33:16.100
or need feels threatened?

616
00:33:17.100 --> 00:33:18.540
What happens then?

617
00:33:18.540 --> 00:33:21.900
Okay, because this coming week on Thursday,

618
00:33:21.900 --> 00:33:25.700
we're gonna talk about the versions of us that we become.

619
00:33:25.700 --> 00:33:27.900
We're gonna dig into that.

620
00:33:27.900 --> 00:33:30.740
But the next week we're gonna talk about

621
00:33:30.740 --> 00:33:33.580
what that version of us is causing us to do.

622
00:33:33.580 --> 00:33:35.860
Remember, behavior follows identity.

623
00:33:36.860 --> 00:33:39.380
Heartwork 101, behavior follows identity.

624
00:33:39.380 --> 00:33:42.340
This is why New Year's resolutions don't work that well,

625
00:33:42.340 --> 00:33:43.300
because we're going in

626
00:33:43.300 --> 00:33:45.300
and we're trying to change a behavior

627
00:33:45.980 --> 00:33:48.260
and not an identity, right?

628
00:33:48.260 --> 00:33:51.020
And that behavior is very closely linked to identity.

629
00:33:51.020 --> 00:33:54.140
All right, so if we're gonna, these first three weeks,

630
00:33:54.140 --> 00:33:57.740
these first three weeks of our coaching together,

631
00:33:57.740 --> 00:33:59.780
if we were gonna give a word to each of them,

632
00:33:59.780 --> 00:34:02.820
the first word would be surrender control.

633
00:34:02.820 --> 00:34:05.300
The second would be find the counterfeit.

634
00:34:05.300 --> 00:34:07.980
And the third would be stop self-sabotaging.

635
00:34:09.100 --> 00:34:12.900
So control, counterfeit, self-sabotage.

636
00:34:12.900 --> 00:34:15.699
And so today we're gonna talk about counterfeit.

637
00:34:15.699 --> 00:34:18.219
This whole week's gonna be about our counterfeits, right?

638
00:34:18.219 --> 00:34:19.500
Trauma doesn't just hurt us,

639
00:34:19.500 --> 00:34:21.100
it creates different versions of us.

640
00:34:21.100 --> 00:34:22.940
Remember, I wrote that in my book, The Heartwork,

641
00:34:22.940 --> 00:34:24.780
for those of you that have taken heartwork.

642
00:34:24.780 --> 00:34:26.100
Trauma doesn't just hurt us,

643
00:34:26.100 --> 00:34:28.020
it creates different versions of us.

644
00:34:28.020 --> 00:34:30.620
This is something that God shared with me,

645
00:34:30.620 --> 00:34:32.179
because I used to say all the time,

646
00:34:32.179 --> 00:34:33.699
oh, that happened a long time ago,

647
00:34:33.699 --> 00:34:35.400
it doesn't bother me anymore.

648
00:34:36.540 --> 00:34:39.340
Oh, that happened a long time ago, I'm over that.

649
00:34:40.900 --> 00:34:42.540
I used to say that all the time.

650
00:34:43.860 --> 00:34:46.460
So when I became a believer,

651
00:34:46.460 --> 00:34:48.900
my life was not abundant in a lot of areas,

652
00:34:48.900 --> 00:34:51.300
in relationships, in finances,

653
00:34:51.300 --> 00:34:54.179
in my health, in my mental health, so many things.

654
00:34:54.179 --> 00:34:55.820
I think we do people a disservice when we say,

655
00:34:55.820 --> 00:34:58.080
oh, you met Jesus, everything's better now.

656
00:34:58.080 --> 00:34:59.300
No, not quite.

657
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:06.380
I had a lot of versions of me, because I had survived a lot of things.

658
00:35:06.380 --> 00:35:12.460
And this is when God said to me, He said, you know, you say that you're over that.

659
00:35:12.460 --> 00:35:15.340
Oh yeah, that happened, but I'm over that now.

660
00:35:15.340 --> 00:35:16.880
Or that was a long time ago.

661
00:35:16.880 --> 00:35:18.420
That doesn't bother me anymore.

662
00:35:18.420 --> 00:35:20.520
He said, but that's not the truth.

663
00:35:20.520 --> 00:35:26.300
The truth is not that, just because it's out of mind doesn't mean it's out of heart.

664
00:35:26.300 --> 00:35:34.380
Penny, I hope you don't mind me using you as an example, but Penny is a widow.

665
00:35:34.380 --> 00:35:37.420
She went through big T trauma.

666
00:35:37.420 --> 00:35:42.680
It's not something anyone could control and no one did it to her.

667
00:35:42.680 --> 00:35:44.260
It just happened.

668
00:35:44.260 --> 00:35:47.700
And so for those of you that are already scanning your hearts, trying to figure out, well, I

669
00:35:47.700 --> 00:35:48.900
had a great childhood.

670
00:35:48.900 --> 00:35:49.900
My family was great.

671
00:35:49.900 --> 00:35:52.820
This, that, the other, I've been a Christian for a really long time.

672
00:35:52.820 --> 00:35:55.580
Like Karen said, I've really unpacked a lot of stuff.

673
00:35:55.580 --> 00:36:02.380
All of us here without exception are operating in a counterfeit at one time or another and

674
00:36:02.380 --> 00:36:10.500
believing a lie about something in our lives because it's not the trauma that's going to

675
00:36:10.500 --> 00:36:12.220
keep you.

676
00:36:12.220 --> 00:36:13.620
It's not Penny losing her husband.

677
00:36:13.620 --> 00:36:20.220
That's going to keep her from having a big, beautiful life still.

678
00:36:20.220 --> 00:36:25.540
It's whatever lie she might believe because of the trauma.

679
00:36:25.540 --> 00:36:30.140
I only get one great love and I had it already and now it's gone.

680
00:36:30.140 --> 00:36:31.140
That was my love.

681
00:36:31.140 --> 00:36:32.140
That was my love story.

682
00:36:32.140 --> 00:36:33.140
I don't get another love story.

683
00:36:33.140 --> 00:36:36.460
You know, I'm too advanced in years.

684
00:36:36.460 --> 00:36:37.460
It's too late.

685
00:36:37.460 --> 00:36:38.460
This, that, the other.

686
00:36:38.460 --> 00:36:39.460
I live here.

687
00:36:39.460 --> 00:36:40.460
There's no Christian men.

688
00:36:40.460 --> 00:36:41.460
It doesn't matter what it is.

689
00:36:41.460 --> 00:36:44.340
And I'm not saying she believes any of that.

690
00:36:44.340 --> 00:36:50.660
I'm just giving an example that trauma doesn't just hurt us, it creates different versions

691
00:36:50.660 --> 00:36:51.660
of us.

692
00:36:51.660 --> 00:36:53.900
Those are the versions that we become to survive that trauma.

693
00:36:53.900 --> 00:36:57.460
And those versions of us believe a lot of things that are not true.

694
00:36:57.460 --> 00:36:58.460
Okay.

695
00:36:58.460 --> 00:36:59.460
All right.

696
00:36:59.460 --> 00:37:00.460
Okay.

697
00:37:00.460 --> 00:37:04.580
So we're going to go deeper into a little heart work, you know, and I know that a lot

698
00:37:04.580 --> 00:37:06.660
of you have forgiven people.

699
00:37:06.660 --> 00:37:09.260
All of you have been believers for probably a really long time.

700
00:37:09.260 --> 00:37:10.500
I, yes you are.

701
00:37:10.500 --> 00:37:14.020
Because I remember I asked you the other day to tell me how long and all of you were like

702
00:37:14.700 --> 00:37:15.700
for a long time.

703
00:37:15.700 --> 00:37:16.700
So you've prayed.

704
00:37:16.700 --> 00:37:18.300
I'm sure that you've been into therapy.

705
00:37:18.300 --> 00:37:19.860
A lot of you have.

706
00:37:19.860 --> 00:37:21.700
You could probably tell me your attachment style.

707
00:37:21.700 --> 00:37:29.780
You could probably give me a Ted talk on everything that you know about inner healing.

708
00:37:29.780 --> 00:37:31.020
Okay.

709
00:37:31.020 --> 00:37:33.660
But awareness is not transformation.

710
00:37:33.660 --> 00:37:35.340
And I had to learn that the hard way.

711
00:37:35.340 --> 00:37:36.860
I knew so much scripture.

712
00:37:36.860 --> 00:37:41.220
I knew all the right answers and yet my life still was not what I wanted it to be.

713
00:37:41.220 --> 00:37:42.220
Why?

714
00:37:42.220 --> 00:37:43.220
What's happening?

715
00:37:43.420 --> 00:37:44.420
You know what I believed?

716
00:37:44.420 --> 00:37:48.420
I believe the lie that I just wasn't ready yet.

717
00:37:48.420 --> 00:37:50.180
God just didn't think I was ready yet.

718
00:37:50.180 --> 00:37:55.140
I was still in the waiting room and someday, sometime God was going to give me the things

719
00:37:55.140 --> 00:37:56.140
that I was waiting for.

720
00:37:56.140 --> 00:38:02.340
The healing for my mental health, the breakthrough in my finances, the breakthrough in my relationships,

721
00:38:02.340 --> 00:38:04.920
the job, the dream, the whatever.

722
00:38:04.920 --> 00:38:09.620
That was the lie that I believed because I knew the scripture and I was in ministry and

723
00:38:09.620 --> 00:38:12.780
I was doing the Lord's work and the kingdom work and all the things.

724
00:38:12.780 --> 00:38:18.700
And so surely, you know, the only thing that's missing here is that God just isn't ready

725
00:38:18.700 --> 00:38:21.300
to give it to me yet.

726
00:38:21.300 --> 00:38:23.120
Okay.

727
00:38:23.120 --> 00:38:25.460
So awareness isn't always transformation.

728
00:38:25.460 --> 00:38:26.500
Okay.

729
00:38:26.500 --> 00:38:30.040
So who did I become because of what happened to me?

730
00:38:30.040 --> 00:38:34.180
And we don't have to have everyone's horror stories or trauma stories right now, but we

731
00:38:34.180 --> 00:38:38.700
need to understand for the purpose of this week and where God wants to take us.

732
00:38:38.780 --> 00:38:42.380
Guys, you're on an acceleration path, just so you know.

733
00:38:42.380 --> 00:38:46.180
The only reason that all of you are here is because God drew you here and he brought you

734
00:38:46.180 --> 00:38:47.940
here and it's a tipping point.

735
00:38:47.940 --> 00:38:49.100
It's a tipping point for you.

736
00:38:49.100 --> 00:38:52.620
Amber wrote on the Facebook page, she's like, I'm not really sure why I'm here, but God

737
00:38:52.620 --> 00:38:53.860
opened the door for me to be here.

738
00:38:53.860 --> 00:38:55.380
So here I am.

739
00:38:55.380 --> 00:39:00.940
You guys have to believe if you don't believe anything else that you're here to have a transformation

740
00:39:00.940 --> 00:39:04.180
and there will be a tipping point.

741
00:39:04.180 --> 00:39:08.060
Of all the things you've learned, of all the work you've done, there's going to be a tipping

742
00:39:08.420 --> 00:39:10.660
point during this 12 weeks.

743
00:39:10.660 --> 00:39:11.660
What does that mean?

744
00:39:11.660 --> 00:39:17.900
That means you're going to go from knowing and having awareness to having breakthrough

745
00:39:17.900 --> 00:39:25.060
and to having transformation that brings with it fruit of whatever it is.

746
00:39:25.060 --> 00:39:28.460
And for all of you, obviously it's your love life that you're here for.

747
00:39:28.460 --> 00:39:29.460
Okay.

748
00:39:29.460 --> 00:39:34.900
So painful experiences also can become formative experiences in our lives and they can teach

749
00:39:34.900 --> 00:39:41.340
us who we need to be and what we need to believe in order to keep ourselves safe.

750
00:39:41.340 --> 00:39:45.580
Do you guys know that every single person on this earth, because of the curse state

751
00:39:45.580 --> 00:39:52.900
that we've been in, our top number one priority is to be safe.

752
00:39:52.900 --> 00:39:58.500
It's not to love, fear is the opposite of love.

753
00:39:58.500 --> 00:39:59.980
It is to keep yourself safe.

754
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.680
Number one carnal instinct is to survive. Did you know that?

755
00:40:10.560 --> 00:40:18.160
It is. In the flesh. And that's why we have to be a new creature in Christ and we have to continue

756
00:40:18.160 --> 00:40:23.440
because new creature in Christ isn't the one and done thing. It's the thing that happens every

757
00:40:23.440 --> 00:40:29.040
single day. You choose to walk after the spirit so that you don't what? Fulfill the lust of the

758
00:40:29.040 --> 00:40:37.520
flesh. You know what the lust of the flesh is? Fear. Living in any element of fear. Hate comes

759
00:40:37.520 --> 00:40:42.400
from fear. Control comes from fear. All of it byproducts of fear. You guys get that?

760
00:40:44.880 --> 00:40:49.280
I want to simplify it because I just want to make it simple. We can get really complicated if we

761
00:40:49.280 --> 00:40:54.080
want to, but let's just make it simple. There's love and there's fear. You're living in one or

762
00:40:54.080 --> 00:40:58.720
the other in every moment of life. We want to live in love.

763
00:41:02.160 --> 00:41:05.840
We want to live in love and if you think this stops after you find your spirit mate and after

764
00:41:05.840 --> 00:41:10.640
you're securely in a marriage, no it doesn't. You're living in a world that wants to tear

765
00:41:10.640 --> 00:41:17.840
apart marriages and families. It eats them for breakfast. Marriage and family is public enemy

766
00:41:17.840 --> 00:41:23.760
number one to the kingdom of darkness if you believe in that kind of thing and you should

767
00:41:23.760 --> 00:41:30.160
because it's real, but it's also defeated. People rearm it every single day with their own fear and

768
00:41:30.160 --> 00:41:39.440
unhealed stuff. Case in point, I am an adult survivor of incest. Everyone in my family,

769
00:41:39.440 --> 00:41:45.440
all my cousins, everyone in our family was a victim of incest. Our family is fraught with incest.

770
00:41:46.400 --> 00:41:53.280
Okay. And so as an adult survivor of incest, I've always wanted to protect my children from incest.

771
00:41:55.360 --> 00:42:01.120
I got married to an amazing guy after I already had a child. I got married to an amazing guy,

772
00:42:01.120 --> 00:42:06.560
my husband currently, David, but for the first few years of our marriage, even though he was

773
00:42:06.560 --> 00:42:13.280
amazing, he didn't give me any reason to think these thoughts. I was constantly in fear of him

774
00:42:13.360 --> 00:42:23.120
being alone with my six-year-old daughter. Why? He's not a pedophile. And 20 years in,

775
00:42:23.120 --> 00:42:28.320
I can affirm to you, he's not a pedophile. But the thing is, is that I was afraid of that.

776
00:42:28.320 --> 00:42:31.760
Why? Because there was a counterfeit version of me that was over-functioning,

777
00:42:31.760 --> 00:42:35.680
trying to keep my daughter safe from ever experiencing what I experienced.

778
00:42:37.200 --> 00:42:41.520
So you see how that happens? I'm giving these examples because I want you guys to see

779
00:42:41.520 --> 00:42:45.600
that it's not necessarily intuitive. Sometimes it's counterintuitive.

780
00:42:45.600 --> 00:42:52.160
All right. So in order to stay safe after your trauma, whether it was little t,

781
00:42:52.160 --> 00:42:57.600
it doesn't have to be something huge that happened. Trauma affects everyone differently.

782
00:42:57.600 --> 00:43:01.680
We can talk about that in a second, but maybe you became more independent. Maybe you became

783
00:43:01.680 --> 00:43:07.120
more agreeable. Maybe you became more impressive. You became the show-off, the class clown.

784
00:43:08.080 --> 00:43:14.320
Maybe you became invisible, hyper-spiritual. Spiritualizing is something that keeps us safe.

785
00:43:15.200 --> 00:43:22.080
Some people become super-spiritualized. Maybe you learned to leave before anybody could leave you.

786
00:43:23.760 --> 00:43:27.920
The counterfeit isn't necessarily a fake version of you. This is what I want you to really take

787
00:43:27.920 --> 00:43:32.480
away from tonight. It's not a fake version of you. It's a protective version of you.

788
00:43:33.120 --> 00:43:36.400
It's a guardian version. It's a protective version of you, even though other people

789
00:43:36.400 --> 00:43:39.680
wouldn't really call it that because a lot of times we're self-sabotaging and we'll get into

790
00:43:39.680 --> 00:43:43.760
that next week. People wouldn't say that you're keeping yourself safe. They'd say that you're

791
00:43:43.760 --> 00:43:49.920
ruining your own life, right? But it is something born out of the need for protection.

792
00:43:49.920 --> 00:43:54.560
So at some point, that version of you may have actually helped you. That's another thing that's

793
00:43:54.560 --> 00:43:58.320
important for us to understand. That version of you may have been really necessary when it was

794
00:43:58.320 --> 00:44:07.760
created. Compartmentalizing what was happening may have been really necessary because you did

795
00:44:07.760 --> 00:44:12.240
not have the tools or the understanding to deal with what you were going through.

796
00:44:13.840 --> 00:44:21.040
What protected you at 12 years old is probably sabotaging you at 42 or 52 or 62. Everyone

797
00:44:21.600 --> 00:44:26.640
following me? Guys, this is one of my favorite things to teach. And the reason why is because

798
00:44:26.640 --> 00:44:30.320
I'm the first student of the heart work. If you didn't know this, the heart work was divinely

799
00:44:30.320 --> 00:44:37.200
downloaded to me from Holy Spirit, from God, because I was in danger of being institutionalized

800
00:44:37.200 --> 00:44:45.760
in the psychiatric hospital as a believer and as a minister in the church. Because I had gone

801
00:44:45.760 --> 00:44:49.440
through so much trauma. And then when my pastor got in trouble and went to prison,

802
00:44:49.440 --> 00:44:51.680
I had what they call a nervous breakdown.

803
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.400
That was over 20 years ago.

804
00:45:05.400 --> 00:45:09.160
So God gave me the heart work because people praying for me and people quoting scriptures

805
00:45:09.160 --> 00:45:16.200
over me or telling me to get in prayer lines was not working.

806
00:45:16.200 --> 00:45:20.520
And some of you have been through some bad stuff and some of you have been through stuff

807
00:45:20.520 --> 00:45:25.520
that really, really harmed you because you have a sense of an empathic heart, but you

808
00:45:25.520 --> 00:45:28.840
don't think of it because you see other people's stuff and you're like, well, I've not really

809
00:45:28.840 --> 00:45:32.160
been through much.

810
00:45:32.160 --> 00:45:37.760
Anything outside of your divine identity is trauma.

811
00:45:37.760 --> 00:45:42.160
Anything that's happened to you outside of God's divine plan for you before he spoke

812
00:45:42.160 --> 00:45:46.520
the foundations of the earth is trauma.

813
00:45:46.520 --> 00:45:48.060
Okay?

814
00:45:48.060 --> 00:45:52.520
Anything that wars against that, anything that's kept you from it, and we cannot judge

815
00:45:52.520 --> 00:46:00.040
how it has affected us just because it's not as bad as somebody else's trauma.

816
00:46:00.040 --> 00:46:01.040
Very important.

817
00:46:01.040 --> 00:46:02.040
Okay.

818
00:46:02.040 --> 00:46:06.120
I'm going to give you the formation frame framework right now, experience.

819
00:46:06.120 --> 00:46:09.800
You're experiencing something or maybe you're not experiencing something.

820
00:46:09.800 --> 00:46:14.080
Trauma can be the absence of something like the absence of a parent, a father, a mother

821
00:46:14.080 --> 00:46:15.480
who's emotionally available.

822
00:46:15.480 --> 00:46:18.800
She might've been there, but she couldn't connect with you.

823
00:46:18.800 --> 00:46:21.560
I don't remember who it was, but one of you has the same story as me.

824
00:46:21.600 --> 00:46:25.880
My mom's really great or she was really great with children, like babies, but as soon as

825
00:46:25.880 --> 00:46:30.960
you hit adolescence, she absolutely ghosted you.

826
00:46:30.960 --> 00:46:36.960
As soon as you hit adolescence, she wasn't able to connect any more, any longer at all.

827
00:46:36.960 --> 00:46:41.320
In fact, she became antagonistic.

828
00:46:41.320 --> 00:46:46.040
So whatever you experienced or what weren't able to experience because you didn't have

829
00:46:46.040 --> 00:46:49.560
access to it, you attached meaning to that.

830
00:46:49.560 --> 00:46:50.680
Meaning got attached to that.

831
00:46:50.680 --> 00:46:55.040
Even if you didn't think you attached meaning to it, you are a very complicated, fearfully

832
00:46:55.040 --> 00:47:00.720
and wonderfully made thing and you attach meaning to things and you attach meaning to

833
00:47:00.720 --> 00:47:01.720
that.

834
00:47:01.720 --> 00:47:06.740
And that meaning eventually matured into a belief system and that belief system matured

835
00:47:06.740 --> 00:47:11.000
into an identity and that identity has behavior attached to it.

836
00:47:11.000 --> 00:47:17.840
So we have experience, meaning, belief, identity, behavior, cool?

837
00:47:17.840 --> 00:47:25.800
So as you can see, friends, behavior is the very last thing in that process.

838
00:47:25.800 --> 00:47:30.280
And so if we want to get to the root of our behavior that's sabotaging us and keeping

839
00:47:30.280 --> 00:47:36.520
us back, we have to go all the way back to the identity, to the belief, to the meaning,

840
00:47:36.520 --> 00:47:40.360
to the experience, cool?

841
00:47:40.360 --> 00:47:43.320
And sometimes we may need to forgive people in the experience.

842
00:47:43.320 --> 00:47:45.920
We need to forgive ourselves in the experience.

843
00:47:46.000 --> 00:47:49.480
We need to allow God into the experience to tell us where he was, where the heck were

844
00:47:49.480 --> 00:47:53.480
you when this was going on?

845
00:47:53.480 --> 00:47:56.960
I remember when God invited me into that, I was a new believer, like three years in

846
00:47:56.960 --> 00:48:02.280
and he said, hey, do you want to know where I was when you were being abused as a child?

847
00:48:02.280 --> 00:48:06.360
I was highly abused, friends, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, sent to

848
00:48:06.360 --> 00:48:12.760
live in a girl's home when I was 13 years old, in an orphanage, in foster care.

849
00:48:12.760 --> 00:48:17.840
And I was like, yeah, look at me, yeah, I want to know.

850
00:48:17.840 --> 00:48:25.680
I didn't really understand the question, but when the answer was, I was right here, I got

851
00:48:25.680 --> 00:48:27.640
really mad.

852
00:48:27.640 --> 00:48:30.640
Just so you know, that made me really angry.

853
00:48:30.640 --> 00:48:36.080
And so some of you haven't processed the anger of that.

854
00:48:36.080 --> 00:48:40.280
And there are people here, because I've dug into your questionnaires, even if you haven't

855
00:48:40.280 --> 00:48:45.240
had your one-on-one session with me yet, all of the people with the more advanced one-on-one

856
00:48:45.240 --> 00:48:47.960
sessions have had their sessions.

857
00:48:47.960 --> 00:48:53.360
There are some of you here that are very disassociated from who you really are.

858
00:48:53.360 --> 00:48:54.800
You're very disassociated.

859
00:48:54.800 --> 00:48:58.960
You disassociated because of the family that you're coming from, because of the way your

860
00:48:58.960 --> 00:49:01.680
family does things, because of the things that have happened.

861
00:49:01.680 --> 00:49:07.160
In order to survive, you have clocked out.

862
00:49:07.160 --> 00:49:10.320
And just because you can go about your life and you can do things, does not mean you're

863
00:49:10.320 --> 00:49:12.320
not clocked out.

864
00:49:12.320 --> 00:49:16.000
And my job, with the help of Holy Spirit, is to clock you back in.

865
00:49:16.000 --> 00:49:20.440
And sometimes it's going to cause a little bit of pain.

866
00:49:20.440 --> 00:49:24.880
Think about being in a coma and then waking up.

867
00:49:24.880 --> 00:49:26.480
That's going to be for some of you for sure.

868
00:49:26.480 --> 00:49:27.480
Okay.

869
00:49:27.480 --> 00:49:28.480
All right.

870
00:49:28.480 --> 00:49:33.240
So here's an example of this experience, meaning belief, identity, behavior, dad leaves.

871
00:49:33.240 --> 00:49:38.600
And then the meaning that you attach to that is people I love leave.

872
00:49:38.600 --> 00:49:42.320
And then the belief that you attach to that is I can't depend on anyone.

873
00:49:42.320 --> 00:49:46.400
And then the identity that you attach that gets attached to that or gets formed by that

874
00:49:46.400 --> 00:49:48.120
is the lone wolf.

875
00:49:48.120 --> 00:49:50.200
And then the behavior is you take care of yourself.

876
00:49:50.200 --> 00:49:53.080
You're hypervigilant and protective and independent.

877
00:49:53.080 --> 00:49:56.720
Can you guys see it?

878
00:49:56.720 --> 00:49:58.840
It's pretty simple.

879
00:49:58.840 --> 00:49:59.840
Okay.

880
00:49:59.840 --> 00:50:00.840
All right.

881
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.480
suddenly you're what you're 48 years old asking God for a husband wife subconsciously still

882
00:50:00.840 --> 00:50:00.840


883
00:50:04.480 --> 00:50:13.920
communicating to God that you don't need anybody. Right. Okay. Um, here's another example. Love was

884
00:50:13.920 --> 00:50:18.320
inconsistent in your family. This is how the, the bigger one, that's a bigger T trauma. Like dad

885
00:50:18.320 --> 00:50:23.040
abandons the family, right? That happened to me at six months. Dad just leaves. And I never knew

886
00:50:23.040 --> 00:50:28.240
my dad, like he wasn't in my life. Okay. Uh, until now you guys, I got him back. I got him back. I

887
00:50:28.240 --> 00:50:34.000
don't know how I feel about that, but he's back. Okay. All right. So here's a little, a littler T

888
00:50:34.000 --> 00:50:41.200
trauma. Okay. The big T trauma was that here's a littler T trauma. Love was just inconsistent.

889
00:50:41.200 --> 00:50:44.720
Nobody's perfect. Your parents weren't perfect. People in your life weren't perfect. They tried

890
00:50:44.720 --> 00:50:50.320
to love you, but it was inconsistent. Okay. And so the meaning that you assigned to that is people

891
00:50:50.320 --> 00:50:56.000
can change without warning because it's inconsistent. And then the belief that comes

892
00:50:56.080 --> 00:51:03.200
from that is I need to make sure that I see it coming. I need to know what version of this person

893
00:51:03.200 --> 00:51:08.160
is going to show up now. And then the identity that comes from that is the detective.

894
00:51:12.000 --> 00:51:17.840
And then the behavior that comes as you analyze people's texts, their tone, their facial

895
00:51:17.840 --> 00:51:22.800
expressions, their social media, every single nuance change in behavior. Does anyone else do

896
00:51:22.800 --> 00:51:28.720
this? Is anyone else always like zoning in to see if, if someone's mad at you or they're upset at

897
00:51:28.720 --> 00:51:33.360
you or if they're, if they're withdrawing, it's like, Oh, Hey, you're not as happy today. Like,

898
00:51:34.000 --> 00:51:38.320
do you not want to be my friend anymore? Do you not want to, if they're your boyfriend, like,

899
00:51:38.320 --> 00:51:44.240
Oh, do you not love me anymore? Anybody, Dan, it could happen to you too. You could be like,

900
00:51:44.240 --> 00:51:52.960
Oh, just, you know, are you not into this anymore? Nobody. I don't believe it. Okay.

901
00:51:53.760 --> 00:51:57.280
So you guys will meet the counterfeits in your worksheets. We have the controller.

902
00:51:57.280 --> 00:52:01.600
I'll manage everything. So nothing can surprise me. We have the performer. If I'm impressive enough,

903
00:52:02.240 --> 00:52:06.080
I'm going to get chosen the people pleaser. If you're happy with me, you won't leave me

904
00:52:06.080 --> 00:52:11.440
the detective. If you figure, if I figure you out first, you can't blindside me, the prosecutor.

905
00:52:11.440 --> 00:52:15.440
If I find what's wrong with you first, I won't make another bad choice. The chaser. If I try

906
00:52:15.440 --> 00:52:19.680
harder, I can keep the connection. The runner. If I leave first, you can't hurt me. The fixer

907
00:52:19.680 --> 00:52:25.600
caretaker. If you need me, if I'm needed, then you'll keep me around the shape shifter. If I

908
00:52:25.600 --> 00:52:30.160
become what you want, you'll want me the cool guy, curl, cool girl. If I don't need anything,

909
00:52:30.160 --> 00:52:35.840
if I'm super chill, then I can't be disappointed. The lone wolf. I can only depend on myself.

910
00:52:35.840 --> 00:52:40.400
That's what keeps me safe. The achiever. If I'm exceptional enough, I'll finally be enough.

911
00:52:40.400 --> 00:52:44.720
The spiritualizer. If I can make spiritual sense of everything that I don't have to sit

912
00:52:44.720 --> 00:52:50.240
in uncertainty, the fantasizer, if reality isn't giving me the relationship I want,

913
00:52:50.240 --> 00:52:56.720
I can create one in my mind and the wall. You can know me, but only the parts that I've decided are

914
00:52:56.720 --> 00:53:03.120
safe for you to know me. Right. And a lot of you have different versions of these. Some of you have

915
00:53:03.120 --> 00:53:08.320
more than one of these it's morphed and it's hybrid together. Um, and this is where it gets

916
00:53:08.320 --> 00:53:11.680
interesting. Some of these counterfeits that you've been operating in, they get rewarded.

917
00:53:11.680 --> 00:53:17.920
You get rewarded with relationship. When you are in these, anyone else, a recovering people,

918
00:53:17.920 --> 00:53:22.960
pleaser, you have lots of people who just love to be around you because you're willing to do

919
00:53:22.960 --> 00:53:26.480
whatever that is they want. But what happens when you get some boundaries and you start saying,

920
00:53:26.480 --> 00:53:36.160
no, what happens to those same people? What happens? Are you still loved?

921
00:53:38.800 --> 00:53:43.280
You still love them. You still love when, you know, some of you have really controlling

922
00:53:43.280 --> 00:53:46.720
families. You're still loved when you tell your family, no, I don't want to do that.

923
00:53:47.360 --> 00:53:51.760
What happens if you go off script? Then what?

924
00:53:54.960 --> 00:54:01.280
Some of you have very controlling ex spouses. You get along really well with them

925
00:54:02.240 --> 00:54:09.040
until you don't do something that they want. You're super chill and passive because don't

926
00:54:09.040 --> 00:54:14.720
rock the boat. Right. Just so you know, your future husband or wife may not be cool with that.

927
00:54:17.200 --> 00:54:20.640
They may not be cool with you being married to someone who still controls you,

928
00:54:20.640 --> 00:54:28.880
even though they're not married to you. All right. So who's in your cast? Who is it?

929
00:54:28.960 --> 00:54:31.920
What cast of characters? You're going to do those worksheets. You're going to search,

930
00:54:31.920 --> 00:54:36.240
you're going to put down your top three. You're going to dig into who shows up the

931
00:54:36.240 --> 00:54:44.080
most often and why do they show up? What happens? The counterfeits usually get louder when the

932
00:54:44.080 --> 00:54:50.720
stakes get higher in our lives. So that's just a little, that's just a little nugget right there.

933
00:54:50.720 --> 00:54:55.600
Okay. All right. And you guys, every counterfeit has a payoff. That's why we keep them around.

934
00:54:55.600 --> 00:54:59.520
The controller gets certainty. The runner gets relief, right? Cause they get out of the situation.

935
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.720
gets validation. The caretaker feels useful. There's all reasons why we continue to do this,

936
00:55:06.720 --> 00:55:13.120
but these things very possibly could be keeping you from the things that you most want in life.

937
00:55:13.120 --> 00:55:19.120
So we have to identify them so that we can release them and we can look at the behavior

938
00:55:19.120 --> 00:55:26.080
that they are operating in so that we can shift that, right? We start with the, we start with

939
00:55:26.080 --> 00:55:30.720
the identity because we can't go right to behavior and we go back to belief and meaning

940
00:55:30.720 --> 00:55:35.120
and experience so that we can shift the behavior. And we'll talk about the behavior next week. Okay.

941
00:55:36.320 --> 00:55:43.120
All right. So I want you to take a look at not just what you're getting or as that version of

942
00:55:43.120 --> 00:55:50.720
yourself, but you know, what it's costing you to stay that version of yourself. Important.

943
00:55:50.720 --> 00:55:57.840
All right. And then I want you to take a look at, I don't think that you guys have this trigger

944
00:56:00.160 --> 00:56:03.120
worksheet. I don't think that I included that in your homework.

945
00:56:03.680 --> 00:56:08.320
So, um, we'll talk about that on Thursday. We'll talk about triggers. I think that will be

946
00:56:08.320 --> 00:56:13.280
important because that leads into self-sabotage. Um, what, what happens when your counterfeit

947
00:56:13.280 --> 00:56:19.920
gets activated, but your assignment between now and Thursday is to do the worksheets,

948
00:56:19.920 --> 00:56:24.400
figure out which are your primary counterfeits. And then you're going to do some work around your

949
00:56:24.400 --> 00:56:29.040
primary, primary counterfeit. You'll dig into that. And then I want you to catch

950
00:56:29.040 --> 00:56:32.960
your counterfeit in action. I want you to try to catch your counterfeit in action. Okay.

951
00:56:34.400 --> 00:56:39.360
See if you can catch it. And then when you do catch it, when you do catch yourself like people

952
00:56:39.360 --> 00:56:47.840
pleasing or posturing, or, you know, running away from avoiding conflict, Karen, you know, if, if,

953
00:56:47.840 --> 00:56:52.560
if you had been avoiding conflict, not that you did, but things happen friends on an everyday

954
00:56:52.560 --> 00:56:56.960
basis that can activate these counterfeits, especially your primary ones. And I want you

955
00:56:56.960 --> 00:57:04.800
to catch it. And I want you to ask yourself, what happened? What did I feel? What did I make it mean?

956
00:57:04.800 --> 00:57:09.440
What showed up that revealing for healing? When's the first time I ever felt this way?

957
00:57:09.440 --> 00:57:15.520
What belief have I assigned to it? Um, I'm going to put this, I'm going to put up this assignment.

958
00:57:15.840 --> 00:57:24.000
I'm going to put it up in the Facebook group. Okay. All right. So I want you to catch it.

959
00:57:24.800 --> 00:57:29.440
And then Thursday, I'm going to coach it. And then next Monday, we're going to interrupt it. Okay.

960
00:57:29.440 --> 00:57:32.240
We're going to interrupt the behavior that comes from it. Does that sound good?

961
00:57:33.920 --> 00:57:40.320
And remember you guys next week is our last, our last inner session before we go outer and we

962
00:57:40.320 --> 00:57:44.640
start having a lot of fun. So I know these are a little grueling, but they're super important

963
00:57:44.640 --> 00:57:49.040
because some of you guys, like I said, you're operating in a lot of disassociation

964
00:57:50.080 --> 00:57:53.200
because that is what's kept you safe. And that's what made your life work.

965
00:57:54.560 --> 00:57:59.360
But if you don't wake up in this 12 weeks, and I say this with all the love of God in my heart,

966
00:57:59.360 --> 00:58:05.040
if you do not address this in 12 weeks, you will address it in 12 months.

967
00:58:06.160 --> 00:58:09.680
You will address it in two years or in four years.

968
00:58:10.080 --> 00:58:13.920
And there might be a crash out that makes you address it. Okay.

969
00:58:16.400 --> 00:58:22.000
Seriously. So this isn't just about you getting married. I know that you're all here because you

970
00:58:22.000 --> 00:58:27.120
want this area of your life to be accelerated. And I believe it will be, but also there's

971
00:58:27.120 --> 00:58:32.080
other things that God is doing. He is doing other things here.

972
00:58:34.640 --> 00:58:38.240
Okay. Cause he wants you to have an abundant life in your health and in your life.

973
00:58:39.040 --> 00:58:42.480
In your health, in your wealth, in your relationships, in your family,

974
00:58:43.040 --> 00:58:50.000
in your love life, in your mind and all the things. Okay. All right. All right. We have time

975
00:58:50.000 --> 00:58:53.920
for a few questions. We'll just have like two or three minutes. Cause I want to just, this session

976
00:58:53.920 --> 00:58:58.960
is always going to last an hour. Okay. So let's go ahead and get the questions going. And then

977
00:58:58.960 --> 00:59:04.160
I'll let you guys go. Carly, you guys show up in the Facebook group as much as possible. Don't

978
00:59:04.160 --> 00:59:09.040
really post on the app as far as questions and comments post them in the Facebook group. That's

979
00:59:09.040 --> 00:59:12.640
where I can see them the best and I can answer them. Right. Carly, what do you got?

980
00:59:14.240 --> 00:59:20.160
I just, Oh, I posted in the app group a dream, but that wasn't my question. But my question is

981
00:59:20.160 --> 00:59:26.640
more of a practical one. I was just wondering if it's possible just because if you'd be able to

982
00:59:26.640 --> 00:59:32.640
send out the homework, like on a Saturday or like earlier in the week, just so that I have the,

983
00:59:32.640 --> 00:59:37.920
like, just as someone who works full time, like, I mean, we're all busy and I get it done, but

984
00:59:37.920 --> 00:59:42.960
I just feel like if there's a little bit more time to be able to sit and process it over my

985
00:59:42.960 --> 00:59:50.080
weekend, as opposed to my days are really full. I just want to say, but we really want, I mean,

986
00:59:50.080 --> 00:59:56.000
the way that this is set up is we don't want the homework to even be looked at until after this

987
00:59:56.000 --> 01:00:00.560
session. Okay. Because there's the coaching session.

988
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.600
happens first and then you do the worksheets. Okay. All right. Yeah, that makes sense. I was,

989
01:00:05.600 --> 01:00:09.360
yeah, I was just curious about it. Cause I was like, Oh no, got to get the homework done.

990
01:00:09.360 --> 01:00:12.960
They're really, really, they're, they're really easy though. They're really basic that the worst

991
01:00:12.960 --> 01:00:18.320
was that you guys, the worst part of this whole thing was the questionnaire. The questionnaire

992
01:00:18.320 --> 01:00:23.200
was the worst part, but when you see the profiles that I have built on each and every one of you,

993
01:00:23.200 --> 01:00:28.240
based on that questionnaire, uh, it was really important for me as a coach. Okay. So the worst

994
01:00:28.240 --> 01:00:34.000
part is over. These worksheets are really going to be for you to dig into more of what we talked

995
01:00:34.000 --> 01:00:38.560
about here. Um, but I hear what Carly is saying and if there's anything in the, I don't think

996
01:00:38.560 --> 01:00:43.840
there is anything in the next 10 weeks that's really super grueling, but we'll give you a heads

997
01:00:43.840 --> 01:00:48.640
up and more time to do it if it is. Okay. Cause I hear what you're saying and I want to honor that.

998
01:00:48.640 --> 01:00:52.640
You're welcome. Um, okay. Anybody else have anything,

999
01:00:56.880 --> 01:01:06.320
anything at all? I, I do. Well, I won't be here for like the next four Thursdays. So am I going

1000
01:01:06.320 --> 01:01:12.160
to be missing, you know, like, uh, I guess there's replays, but as far as interacting,

1001
01:01:12.160 --> 01:01:18.080
can I interact on the Facebook page? Absolutely. Ask your questions. You know, I know that there

1002
01:01:18.080 --> 01:01:22.240
are people that posted questions today and I didn't get to those, but everyone who posted

1003
01:01:22.240 --> 01:01:27.920
any questions before today, I already answered all those. I interpreted a dream. I must not have

1004
01:01:27.920 --> 01:01:33.520
interpreted Carly's dream, I guess. Um, I don't remember whose dream it was now. Um, but you know,

1005
01:01:33.520 --> 01:01:40.480
so yes, put them there. Um, Karen, uh, you can also just, you know, make a post and say, Hey,

1006
01:01:40.480 --> 01:01:44.960
Jackie, I would love for you to cover this live on Thursday. Um, when you're answering questions,

1007
01:01:44.960 --> 01:01:49.760
here's my question and I will do that. I will do that for you. Okay. Thank you. All right. Just

1008
01:01:49.760 --> 01:01:55.440
make sure you tag me in it so that I don't miss it for some reason. All right. Is anyone having

1009
01:01:55.440 --> 01:02:00.640
any type of breakthrough yet so far? You know, you feel like God's really highlighting some

1010
01:02:00.640 --> 01:02:05.280
things to you. If nothing else, you feel like your spirit is activated and you feel like,

1011
01:02:05.280 --> 01:02:12.560
you know, you really want to dig in because you want to live a life fully free. All right.

1012
01:02:12.560 --> 01:02:16.560
I'm seeing yeses. And some of you all probably just don't like being in a group environment,

1013
01:02:16.560 --> 01:02:21.280
being coached, but I hope that you guys become good friends. I hope you become alumni. This is

1014
01:02:21.280 --> 01:02:27.760
the first time in five years, six years that I have done this. And, um, I just know that those

1015
01:02:27.760 --> 01:02:31.520
people back then became really good friends. They were in each other's weddings. Some of them

1016
01:02:31.520 --> 01:02:36.080
match made each other. I mean, that literally happened to the last group that was like this

1017
01:02:36.080 --> 01:02:45.440
six years ago and it didn't have any men in it, but now we have Dan. So, um, uh, because it was

1018
01:02:45.440 --> 01:02:50.160
when I first started out in 2020, it was just for women. We didn't add men until October of 2020.

1019
01:02:50.160 --> 01:02:56.800
And then they had their own group. All right. So, um, awesome. Well, so glad that some of you

1020
01:02:56.800 --> 01:03:02.320
are here, but not here, not on camera. I would love for everyone to be on camera on Thursdays.

1021
01:03:02.960 --> 01:03:09.120
Um, I know that some of you, you know, you're coming straight from wherever, but part of when

1022
01:03:09.120 --> 01:03:14.000
we get to outer, which is one week from now. So we have one more week of inner than we get to outer.

1023
01:03:14.000 --> 01:03:18.800
It's going to all be about showing up. It's going to all be about being willing to be seen,

1024
01:03:18.800 --> 01:03:24.400
not being invisible, not being hidden. Some of you are hidden in plain sight. All right. Some of you

1025
01:03:24.400 --> 01:03:30.560
have a cat as your profile on Facebook. Great. That's awesome. Um, but we're going to change

1026
01:03:30.560 --> 01:03:35.760
that. In fact, Audra's here. Welcome Audra. So Audra is auditing this. She's going to be part

1027
01:03:35.760 --> 01:03:42.160
of your group. She is one of my, one of my only, I only have two other, um, private coaching clients

1028
01:03:42.160 --> 01:03:49.680
and Audra is one of those people. And she has been with me for a minute. Um, and she knows that,

1029
01:03:49.680 --> 01:03:58.080
uh, shy is a lie. Audra, you don't have your hat. Is that what you were looking for just now?

1030
01:03:58.640 --> 01:04:08.080
Yes. I Jackie, um, I don't know what spoke that over me, clarified, convicted me that shy is a

1031
01:04:08.080 --> 01:04:12.960
lie. Cause I was always hiding behind being shy. I'm just shy. I'm just shy. So I went to Etsy and

1032
01:04:12.960 --> 01:04:17.200
I had a hat made that said shy is a lie. And that's what, yeah, that's what I was looking for.

1033
01:04:17.200 --> 01:04:22.960
I'll wear it next time. She did. So if you have always thought, Oh yeah, I'm just shy. You know,

1034
01:04:22.960 --> 01:04:28.720
I'm just introverted. No, no. You've been created for connection. You've been created for

1035
01:04:28.720 --> 01:04:33.280
relationship. Yes. That's going to look different for you than other people, but you do not have to

1036
01:04:33.280 --> 01:04:39.440
hide. You are not invisible. Um, if you have limited bandwidth and capacity, uh, we want to

1037
01:04:39.440 --> 01:04:44.400
increase that bandwidth and capacity for relationship in this, in this coaching program,

1038
01:04:44.400 --> 01:04:49.280
because you're going to need it. You are going to need it to be in marriage and in family.

1039
01:04:49.280 --> 01:04:53.520
All right. All right. I bless all of you father. We thank you for tonight. We thank you for

1040
01:04:53.520 --> 01:04:58.480
everything that we've learned. We just pray now, God, that you help us to see clearly the things

1041
01:04:58.480 --> 01:04:59.840
that we have become.

1042
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.400
the people we've become, the counterfeits that are operating in our lives because of

1043
01:05:04.400 --> 01:05:08.240
trauma, because of hurt, because of pain, because of surviving, you have not created

1044
01:05:08.240 --> 01:05:09.240
us to survive.

1045
01:05:09.240 --> 01:05:13.400
You create us to thrive, Lord, and we just thank you, God, that now is the time when

1046
01:05:13.400 --> 01:05:15.880
we're going to catch the little foxes that are spoiling the vineyard.

1047
01:05:15.880 --> 01:05:20.040
We're going to catch these counterfeits in action, red-handed, and we're going to release

1048
01:05:20.040 --> 01:05:24.640
them to you so you can bring healing and wholeness to our fragmented parts, bringing us into

1049
01:05:24.640 --> 01:05:29.320
that beautiful place of wholeheartedness where we can receive and give love freely.

1050
01:05:29.320 --> 01:05:30.320
In Jesus' name, amen.

1051
01:05:30.320 --> 01:05:31.320
All right, friends, I'll see you soon.

1052
01:05:31.320 --> 01:05:31.320