WEBVTT

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love seats, whatever you want to call it.

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And I'm excited to dig in.

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So week one was all about finding those areas where we just really haven't surrendered.

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You know, we all have them, we're going to continue to have them for the rest of our

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lives.

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That's why it's really good to be very, very spiritually self-aware.

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Not just self-aware, but also spiritually aware, where God can at any point in time,

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just, you know, fix your little red wagon to let you know, hey, you know, the reason

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why A, B, C, D, E, F, G is not working out the way that you want it to is because you

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are, you know, holding it really tightly like you have a expected outcome that is not really

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the outcome that's happening or trying to happen.

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Maybe the outcome that's trying to happen would be even better than what it is that

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you're wanting to try to make happen for yourself.

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And it's really important that we allow God to show us where we are basically in the way.

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We're what's in the way.

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We're in our own way.

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We're in God's way.

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And so that supernatural surrender portion in week one, we're going to continue to revisit

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that through the whole 12 weeks, you know, continue to take a look at that permission

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slip, especially if you're someone who prides yourself on independence, prides yourself

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on, you know, being the captain of your soul, so to speak, you're going to want to take

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a look at that.

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And then week two, we just naturally segued into, okay.

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So when I'm not in control, when things are not going my way, when I'm in a situation

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where I don't feel comfortable or even safe, who do I become, you know, who do I become?

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And I was talking to one of you guys in a one on one today.

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And I was saying that we don't dislike these parts of ourselves that we were finding this

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week, because in a lot of ways that part of yourself may have been what saved you.

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It may have been what kept you safe.

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It may have been what got you through.

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And so we want to thank that part of ourselves, but we don't need it to show up and sabotage

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going forward, okay?

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Because oftentimes these counterfeits that we're talking about, they, yes, they do keep

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us safe, but they also keep us small.

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They keep us guarded.

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They keep us out of intimacy.

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They keep us out of depth.

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Does that make sense?

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They're very superficial, very surface a lot.

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And it's important that we're able to lay those things down so that we can get more

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in.

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You know, I'll never forget, I was watching videos, do you guys know when someone passes

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away, you dig through pictures, you dig through videos of them to make a montage of something

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that you can show at their celebration of life?

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Whether that's a picture board or in this case, a video montage.

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So I was digging through old family videos when my mom passed away.

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And remember, I wasn't very close to my mom until the end of her life, but I was digging

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through all of these home videos that she and her third husband had taken.

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This was not really when I lived at home.

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This was when they were raising my younger brother, who's 14 years younger than me.

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And I was finding all these videos, and I was tasked along with my husband to create

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this, this real, this montage of videos for her celebration of life.

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And as I'm watching these videos, because remember, I've known my mom, I've known my

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mom since she was, I think, I think she was 20 when I was born.

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And so then she wouldn't have married her third husband until I was like 12, 11, 12

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years old.

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So I was, you know, me and my older brother, we've known her since she was a teenager almost.

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And then, you know, knowing her, you know, getting reacquainted with her at the end

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of her life.

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But as I was watching this, these videos, all these different videos, I could see the

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counterfeit.

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I could see the counterfeit.

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I could see a part that she was playing in order to be accepted, in order to be loved.

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I could see it very clearly in these videos.

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I'm like, that's, that's not my mom's personality, like that's not what she's like.

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But it was kind of a put on because this is what this particular man that she was married

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to wanted.

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This is the kind of woman that he wanted.

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And so that is what she had become.

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And there's no shade on my part.

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There's no judgment because I did that in my first marriage.

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In my first marriage, the guy that I married that I met when I was 12 and ended up marrying

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him when I was 20 years old, I knew exactly what this guy wanted.

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And I was very codependent on him.

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I wanted him in my life.

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I felt safe with him.

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He was the person that had been around ever since I was a kid.

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And I was really willing to do anything to kind of win his love or win him over.

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And I don't think that happens.

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I wasn't saved.

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I hadn't had a conversion experience.

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I really wasn't in touch deeply with my own self at all.

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I'd never done any therapy.

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I'd never done any hard work.

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I don't think that I thought I was pretending.

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I wanna just let that hit for a second.

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I don't think that I knew that I was pretending.

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I think that I was just surviving.

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This is what I have to do to survive.

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This is who I have to be to survive.

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And so I will be that.

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Because there was not a future, in my opinion,

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that didn't include this young man.

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And this young man was very opinionated.

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He had been raised in a very religious family

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that thought women should be seen and not heard.

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How many of you think that I would really fit

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really well into such an environment?

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They were part of a denomination,

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where women were always the villains.

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Women were responsible for men's emotions.

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They were responsible for men's sexual sin.

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They were responsible for everything.

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Cover up, be more modest, be more this.

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Don't cut your hair, you jezebel.

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Just all kinds of crazy stuff.

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And I was like, no, I can fit in here.

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I can play this part if I need to.

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I even played the part of being interested in that religion

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and being whatever being saved meant to these people,

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even though I had never had an encounter

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and never had gotten to know Jesus at all.

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And so I was all of that.

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Fake it 'til you make it kind of things.

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Because of what reason, because I didn't want to be abandoned,

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I didn't want to be rejected.

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I wanted to be what they wanted me to be

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so that they would love me.

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And all of us have stories like that.

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And if we watch old videos of ourselves

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or maybe read old letters,

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does anyone come across something from your past?

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Something that you wrote?

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Something that you just, that a video or a card

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or a letter or an old blog or even an old post.

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You guys, Facebook is good for this.

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It will show us posts that we made back in 2007, 2008, 2009.

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Has anyone read anything that you supposedly wrote

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and you're like, who's that person?

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Not only do you not agree with it anymore,

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you're just kind of like, what?

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Was that me?

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Did I write that?

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Did I do that?

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Did I pick that hairstyle?

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Did I choose those clothes?

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Like, who is this person?

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Anybody else?

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Raise your hand.

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If you've seen things from your past,

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you're just kind of like,

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maybe even someone from your past that used to date

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or you were married to and you're like,

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"Did I choose that person?"

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No, actually a counterfeit if you probably chose that person.

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Yes, yes ma'am, yes sir.

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Okay, so we don't want these counterfeit

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swiping on the dating apps.

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We don't want them choosing anything for us

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to try to keep us safe.

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We don't want them in the way.

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We don't want them sabotaging and next week

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we're gonna get into the ways that they sabotage,

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but this week we're just gonna identify them.

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All right, so we're gonna start the shares.

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I saw Helen said that she had some aha moments.

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I've talked to some more of you

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that I had one-on-ones with this week

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and you guys have had some revealing for healings

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is what I call them.

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And so we'll let everyone have a chance,

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but let's go ahead and just talk about the homework assignment,

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kind of go through the worksheets here

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and ask ourselves,

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hey, what did we see in ourselves

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as we dug into this work?

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And who wants to go first?

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I'm pulling up the worksheets.

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Just raise your hand there.

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So make sure that

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and I'm gonna pull this up too.

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And we don't wanna just,

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and in this session this week,

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we don't wanna just identify them.

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We also want to dig into a little bit

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of where they come from.

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So that's important too.

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So if you know what yours is,

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and you guys, it doesn't have to be just that list

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of the performer, the detective, all that stuff,

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but some version of that,

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that was just to kind of prime the pump and get you started.

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You can call your counterfeit something completely different,

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but also if you know maybe where it started,

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that's also good information for this session.

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Okay, Helen, go ahead, tell us.

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First of all, I'm appreciating being a Gen X

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because I didn't go up with tech.

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And so most of you probably remember my space.

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I was never on it.

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for 10 years, and I got back just because of his whole dating thing, and I can live without it. Anyway,

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I grew up in a culture where you had to conform, or you basically ostracized, and I think a lot of my,

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I know a lot of my thinking patterns and behaviors are because of the pressure to conform to what

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a good girl was, and what a good Christian was, even if you're not a Christian, just to be accepted,

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you know, dating wasn't even allowed. I don't even know in my native language. I literally don't

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even know the word for dating or relationship. I don't. Oh, wow, it doesn't exist. The word,

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there's no word for it. It may. I don't know it. And I remember being at a church in San Diego,

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and they were asking me to translate the sermon from sohili to English, and I had to use Google,

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translate to look up stuff like relationship, and it's not, it's that, if it's there, I don't know it.

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And, and I had to tell the pastor, dude, listen, this isn't something that's,

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that's talked about. That was talked, maybe it's talked about now, but definitely not when I was

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growing up. And ironically, my sister got pregnant when she was barely 18, and my dad literally almost,

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he almost had the baby imported thing got, he, it wasn't aborted. She's alive today, and she's

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a nurse. So, so, yeah, so anyway, that pressure made me somebody that I, I was not, I'm not supposed

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to be. It's not my true, like true identity. And when I look back, even my journals, like when I

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came to the Lord, and I think about the stuff that I wrote in my journals, it's a completely

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different person that I am now with all the stuff that I, that now I know and I'm beginning to continue

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to know. I don't know if that makes sense, but no, it does. And I love what she's saying right now,

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can anyone else relate to this? Did you grow up in any kind of strong culture, whether it's ethnicity,

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or whether it's like a church culture, or some other kind of social culture, where you just were

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born into a lot of pre qualifications of what you need to be like. As a woman, you know, all of us

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that are Americans, you know, that are Gen X and older Gen X, like I'm younger Gen X, I'm almost

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a millennial. But I'm like on the cusp, but we're called exenials. But, you know, older Gen X would

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be closer to that baby boomer generation where women just didn't have a lot of privileges. And if

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you grew up in a different culture where women didn't have any privileges except to do what women

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did, then that shaped who you are. You know, I was just talking about marrying that boy. Well,

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I didn't marry that boy at 20 years old. And guess what? I married into his church culture. I wasn't

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raised in that denomination of religion. And it was very strict, very legalistic. And remember,

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I didn't even know Jesus. So just I'm just obeying rules for the sake of being married to this guy,

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not because I even understand them. But I'm saying that to say, just recently, I'm 51 years old now,

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just recently, I was looking back on my life, because I am very creative. I'm a very creative

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personality. I'm a very live and let live personality. I'm not a black and white, wrong and right

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personality. I live kind of in the shades of gray. And I realized that that those formative,

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that formative time, even though I wasn't raised in it from 20 to 32, that's I was married to him

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for 12 years, it really edited me. And I'm still dealing with some of those edits. And guess what?

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They're holding me back creatively, because even though I don't believe any of that stuff,

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it was ingrained in me. And it became part of my personality, I guess, is what I want to say.

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It became part of the voices in my head that caused me to do or not do something, to think

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something is the right thing to do, the right step to take. And the reason why we're unpacking

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this is because when you get out back in the dating streets, when you get back out here,

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it's really important that you're going to be able to trust yourself

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and trust that God is leading and guiding you and showing you what you need to see,

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and if you need to see it, because otherwise, this kind of stuff can really edit you. And I

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don't want you to be edited. I want to help you become the full picture of who you are.

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Now, can we do that in 12 weeks? No, but can we get really started on the road? Yes, we can.

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So, Helen, that's wonderful. I love that.

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Not only was Helen not taught that this was the thing that you should do dating,

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they didn't even discuss it. Like, it wasn't a thing. There wasn't even language for it.

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That's incredible. Okay. Anyone else? Just real quickly, but let's answer that question. Anyone

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else grow up in a strong family culture, social culture.

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You just, this is the way you were supposed to be.

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Okay, I'm just looking in the window since you guys aren't putting up your little yellow avatar hand and it looks like about half of you have hands up. Okay, Angie, what do you got for us.

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So I, I spend quite a bit of time when I get out of the military like learning to walk again and stuff. So I think I'm more of like the lone roof on there and but it's hard to know how to get back to the person you were before, because you're not that person anymore. So I was kind of confused.

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How you don't want me to get back to the person that you were before you guys. I want you to just get back to your real self like you know, I mean, we might not have even been our real self before.

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But Angie just brings up another strong culture, the military, the military very much changes people. In fact, you know, my former husband was a Marine and the whole purpose of the Marine Corps is to break you and remake you.

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That's what they want to do. They want to break you and they're not shy about it and they're not secret about it and they want to remake you into what they want you to be, which is a fighting machine.

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And so there's a lot of deprogramming that happens and then programming that happens. And so, Angie from the military and especially as a woman in the military. What branch.

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The Marines, the Marines, a woman Marine. First of all, those things don't even go together.

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Yeah. So, and so, yes, so a woman going into the Marines already, you have to be very cautious, very careful because you're surrounded by men and men that, you know, on a power trip, a lot of times.

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And, you know, so being cautious, being careful, protecting yourself, guarding yourself.

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Also understanding that there's a lot of people that probably don't even want you there don't even think you should be there. And then there's all of that to deal with.

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So, of course, you're the lone wolf because it's safer to stay to yourself than to be around people who could betray you or hurt you or, you know, whatever. So, but you're not how long have you been out for.

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Um, I got out of 2010 so quite a one time ago.

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Okay.

255
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All right. So, and then, but were you like, were you full time, were you deployed?

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I was full time and then I was disabled halfway through. So, and I was like the medical barracks the last year or so.

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And then I got out.

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Okay.

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All right. So, yeah, that's quite a different lifestyle than coming back to, you know, civilian life. And then once again, you know, I saw my ex husband really, really, really struggle with, you know,

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when he got out with bringing that, you know, coming out of the programming of what, you know, what his

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Like his persona was supposed to be. So there's there's things there. So yeah, definitely pray into that. So lone wolf. So when's the first time that you remember being the loner being the person that's off by themselves, the person that doesn't need anyone, what, what age.

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Um,

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I think it was kind of like in the military more because like there was like three girls and like 500 guys in my place, you know, so you kind of had to be

264
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And did you not did you not really click with those other girls?

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You did a little bit, but they weren't in the same.

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They weren't, they weren't doing the same job as me. So they were like, you didn't see them as often, but I did get together with them. Some of the girls.

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Okay, so you guys, when she says she sees herself in the lone wolf. It's the mindset of, you know, I don't want to need anyone, you know, and a lot of times we can be kind of pushed into that mindset or that that counterfeit by the fact that we don't have anyone.

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She's describing not having anyone. There's only just a handful of other women. And guess what, they're dispersed everywhere. So she doesn't even have really access to them. So it's, it's convenient to not need anyone. If you don't have anyone, right?

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Makes it easier.

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And so then you're not, you're not relying on anyone. You're not depending on anyone because there isn't anyone to rely or depend on to anyone else have the lone wolf.

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As one of your counterfeit. You guys, you can have more than one.

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And I want you to pay attention to where and once again, you can have a counterfeit. That's not on this list. You can tell us what it is. Give it, give it a name so that we know what it is. Okay. And then tell us when it shows up.

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Tell us when it shows up. You know, when when I'm in environments where I feel uncomfortable, which it's gotten a lot better as I've gotten older, but I was very bullied when I was in school. Is anyone else really bullied.

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Yes. Okay. Me too. And I mean, like,

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and and I was very funny as a young person but I became the class clown to try to win my peers

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so that they wouldn't bully me and so sometimes still when I get into environments where people

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are mean and I can tell you know I have that hyper vigilance because I have been very bullied

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growing up I can I can come into an environment and I can tell when there is a when there is a

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social architecture where there's people that are bullies you know of course that looks different

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on adult humans but you know than kids but I can tell when there are people like that and when

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that happens guess what I become the performer I start being really funny I start being you know

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self-deprecating so that no one want to come after me because they don't think that I think I'm

283
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better than them you know kind of thing so I got to watch for that so right now Angie in your life

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out of the military when does lone wolf show up or is that just your main personality right now

285
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I think it's probably more my main personality right now yeah okay you have any two a.m. friends

286
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people you can call it two o'clock in the morning to come help

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um if you had an emergency at two o'clock in the morning do you have someone that you could call

288
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that would come and help you probably not okay well that's the very first thing that we need

289
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we need to begin to open up let people know us so that we can have community

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because you guys good marriages happen within good community and strong community so we want

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to make sure that we're building community and not just love lives right Angie thank you for

292
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being honest about that that's wonderful what about you Karen um for me I feel like there was

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two that were at the top there was the performer and also the caretaker um so for the performer

294
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like I see it rooted back to uh where I didn't get accepted into the high school that my sister

295
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went to and I felt like I wasn't sore enough for that and then that I had a failed marriage so I

296
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found that I had to perform to prove myself that I was successful and um like even what's that look

297
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like tell us what it looks like for you to perform to prove that you're good enough so um for instance

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like love and acceptance like I felt like I had to prove myself to my dad and his

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life success was being a homeowner so I purchased a condo but I couldn't maintain it and ended up

300
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ended up going into foreclosure or even like uh having my children and raising them on my own

301
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and feeling uh having to prove that I can be like a superwoman and do that while going to school

302
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and working and um that's good does anyone else relate to that you know trying to impress a parent

303
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I have a really good friend who had a father who just never ever complimented him was never

304
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proud of him never congratulated him or affirmed him and he spent his whole life trying to get rich

305
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trying to be successful just so he could hear something good from his dad I see Carly's hands up

306
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Amy's hands up Catherine's hands up Gus Google had him put in the chat like where where that where

307
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that what she's saying you know performing so that other people specifically family members maybe

308
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parents um approve of you where that comes in okay keep going Karen and um this past Tuesday I went

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to um a women's gathering it was like the first time I've been to one of this and um like there was

310
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a discussion that we had and in my mind I was thinking okay let me find the right answer

311
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and it's like no let me just be genuine and authentic in how I answer and I think that's where

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also like the religious performance could come in so it's like don't give the right answer like be

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real about what you're gonna share I love that putting masks on especially in religion very big

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a lot of people do that they'll disassociate how are you doing I'm fine how are you you're not

315
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fine your whole life's falling apart you know but we feel really private we don't feel like we can

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share we don't feel like we can be real we feel like we're gonna be too much and people don't like

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needy people because people are so burnout their nervous systems are so fried people have a lot

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less tolerance for people who have problems than they used to back in the day all right so we don't

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want to be the problem friend we don't want to be people that you know other people avoid because

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you know we're going through something and they really don't have the bandwidth to talk to us about it

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so there's all of that stuff that causes that to happen but for those of you that are super

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I don't want you to lean into your spiritual gifts

323
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as a performer, you know?

324
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Like this is what brings me significance

325
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when I prophesy over people, when I interpret a dream,

326
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when I do this, when I do that, when I pray for people,

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this is what causes me to be valuable to other people.

328
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So this is gonna become my full identity.

329
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No, that is not who you are.

330
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That is just something that you do.

331
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Okay, Karen, do you have anything else?

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- And then as far as the caretaker,

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I think being raised like in a multi-generational family

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where it's like even culture wise,

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like my grandmother took care of me

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when I was younger, so when she got older

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to care of her, or babysitting like nephews,

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cousins when they're little,

339
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and then also having kids in my own.

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And then I saw this later in life

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where taking care of my grandkids or my parents

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as I got older and being to a point now where I feel like,

343
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you know, I'm exhausted or even in nursing,

344
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it's like you're caring for people.

345
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And just recently I was leaving my PT appointment

346
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and there is this woman who she only spoke Russian

347
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and she needed to go to her doctor's appointment.

348
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So she was asking me for the bus stop.

349
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And I was trying to explain it to her on Google,

350
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but instead I just walked her to the place.

351
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And I had to kind of catch myself.

352
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I'm like, am I being a caretaker in this?

353
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Or am I just like being a servant

354
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in kind of taking her to the place where I was going?

355
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'Cause it was on the way where my car was parked anyways.

356
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- Yeah, I mean, that's good.

357
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I mean, it's great to be helpful.

358
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And, you know, it's not what makes you valuable.

359
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Guys, I don't want you to get to a place

360
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where you don't do things that you're naturally gifted to do

361
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like the Ministry of Helps and different things

362
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because I just want you to reframe it to, yeah,

363
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that's something that I do, but it's not who I am

364
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and it's not what makes me valuable.

365
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What makes me valuable is that I'm a child of God.

366
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What makes me valuable is that Jesus died for me.

367
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What makes me valuable is my identity in Christ.

368
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Not in religion, not in giftedness, non-spirituality,

369
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not in Helps, that is not where my value lies.

370
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And this is going to be especially important

371
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for those of you that really lean into what you do

372
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for others regardless of what it is that brings you value.

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Some of you and Karen said this,

374
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so I want to make sure we don't forget to say this.

375
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Some of you have become the designated caretaker

376
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of mom and dad because you're the only single sibling

377
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in your family.

378
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So people haven't even told you

379
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that they've assigned this role to you,

380
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but in the back of everybody's minds.

381
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Mom and dad who are getting older, if they're still alive,

382
00:27:36.200 --> 00:27:38.400
your siblings in the back of their minds,

383
00:27:38.400 --> 00:27:43.280
they have already decided that you are going to be the person

384
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that is going to take one for the team.

385
00:27:45.040 --> 00:27:47.640
You're going to, if mom and dad become ill,

386
00:27:47.640 --> 00:27:50.160
if they need help, if they need assistance,

387
00:27:50.160 --> 00:27:51.400
you're the one that's going to go live with them

388
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or they're going to come and live with you, you know,

389
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because you are the one that doesn't have a husband.

390
00:27:56.560 --> 00:27:57.800
You're the one that doesn't have a wife.

391
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You're the one that doesn't have kids at the house still.

392
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And I want you all to, while loving your family,

393
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I want all of you to make sure during this 12 weeks

394
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that you're making it very clear to your family

395
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that that is not going to be your role

396
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and that you're more than willing to help,

397
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but that is not going to be your role

398
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and that you do want to be married still

399
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and that you are going to be married still.

400
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Because in my talks with some of you this week,

401
00:28:26.800 --> 00:28:29.560
some of you have expressed to me that your family

402
00:28:29.560 --> 00:28:33.840
does not want for you to find relationship.

403
00:28:33.840 --> 00:28:38.240
They want for you to continue to just be, you know,

404
00:28:38.240 --> 00:28:40.400
at their beck and call.

405
00:28:40.400 --> 00:28:42.160
They think that you shouldn't be worried

406
00:28:42.160 --> 00:28:43.280
about finding relationship.

407
00:28:43.280 --> 00:28:45.800
You're too old, you're too this, you're too that,

408
00:28:45.800 --> 00:28:49.720
that your role now is to be the caretaker.

409
00:28:49.720 --> 00:28:52.320
And I want to let you guys know that's a counterfeit

410
00:28:52.320 --> 00:28:53.640
and it's not true.

411
00:28:53.640 --> 00:28:57.280
Okay, Catherine, did you have your hand up?

412
00:28:57.280 --> 00:29:00.960
- Yeah, I just had, I feel like a couple of mine overlapped

413
00:29:00.960 --> 00:29:05.160
like the achiever and the performer and I'm an only child.

414
00:29:05.160 --> 00:29:09.640
So in my family, my parents are pretty independent.

415
00:29:09.640 --> 00:29:11.440
So I felt like I learned that from them,

416
00:29:11.440 --> 00:29:14.640
but then I was also like closest to them.

417
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And so like achieving things got attention

418
00:29:18.640 --> 00:29:22.720
and then people pleasing because if they were critical

419
00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:25.600
of somebody else, I wanted to like stay

420
00:29:25.600 --> 00:29:28.000
in their good graces and their affection.

421
00:29:28.000 --> 00:29:30.640
And then when I have been in friendships

422
00:29:30.640 --> 00:29:34.360
or dating relationships, I feel like I've been a shapeshifter.

423
00:29:34.360 --> 00:29:36.760
Like I think back to when I was even in junior high

424
00:29:36.760 --> 00:29:39.840
or high school, like what my friends were into.

425
00:29:39.840 --> 00:29:41.440
And then when I had a chronic illness,

426
00:29:41.440 --> 00:29:43.240
I was definitely the controller.

427
00:29:43.240 --> 00:29:45.840
So it's so interesting because most of my 30s,

428
00:29:45.840 --> 00:29:49.960
I had a chronic illness and I was hyper vigilant about stuff.

429
00:29:49.960 --> 00:29:52.360
And right now I'm in this season going on three years

430
00:29:52.360 --> 00:29:54.400
with the Lord has moved me to my favorite city

431
00:29:54.400 --> 00:29:57.320
and I don't have a roommate and I'm making new friends.

432
00:29:57.320 --> 00:29:59.680
So it's like, like for the last three years,

433
00:30:05.280 --> 00:30:13.200
let me just identify what I'm needing, you know? And then, and I'm, I'm trying very hard to avoid

434
00:30:13.200 --> 00:30:18.880
like getting into the lone wolf, because as an only child, I could definitely do that, you know?

435
00:30:18.880 --> 00:30:24.880
So trying to balance those things, but just being aware of like, what do I need today? What do I

436
00:30:24.880 --> 00:30:30.160
need this week, you know? I love what she's saying right now. What what city is your favorite city

437
00:30:30.160 --> 00:30:35.360
Catherine? Where are you? Charleston, South Carolina. Oh, I love Charleston. I've only been

438
00:30:35.360 --> 00:30:39.360
there once, but I loved it. It was during that freak ice storm that they had the beginning of the

439
00:30:39.360 --> 00:30:45.360
shear. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was there. I come to Charleston and just when they're gonna shut the

440
00:30:45.360 --> 00:30:49.920
whole city down with my story. I still got to see a lot of great things, and it was great. I love

441
00:30:49.920 --> 00:30:54.800
it. The history, I have good, I have, I have decent friends. They're not super, super close, but I

442
00:30:54.800 --> 00:31:00.560
have some friends that live there. Okay. So one of the things that I want to point out that Catherine

443
00:31:00.560 --> 00:31:04.400
was saying is that during different seasons of her life, she has been different counterfeits.

444
00:31:04.400 --> 00:31:10.720
And sometimes those counterfeits may still pop up, right? You may have one or two that you

445
00:31:10.720 --> 00:31:17.920
really operate in this season. And you guys, that the key is to noticing it. So all we're doing

446
00:31:17.920 --> 00:31:22.160
right now, and that's why I called it catch the counterfeit, I want you to catch it. And sometimes

447
00:31:22.160 --> 00:31:26.240
you're not going to catch it while you're doing it. You're going to catch it on the drive home.

448
00:31:26.240 --> 00:31:32.320
You're going to catch it when you see a video back of yourself, or you read something that you

449
00:31:32.320 --> 00:31:37.360
wrote, or you're going to catch it when someone is talking to you about something that you said

450
00:31:37.360 --> 00:31:41.680
that you would do for them. Like you're going to catch it later. And you're like, dang,

451
00:31:42.400 --> 00:31:48.400
I'm in the counterfeit right now. So I want to catch them, even if it's later and pretty soon,

452
00:31:48.400 --> 00:31:52.720
I want you to get to a place where you're going to catch it before you do it. So that's when we get

453
00:31:52.720 --> 00:31:56.800
into how we've been sabotaging ourselves, the things that we've been doing. We'll get into that

454
00:31:56.800 --> 00:32:02.640
more next week. But I love that Catherine said that she has to kind of relearn. What do I want?

455
00:32:02.640 --> 00:32:09.920
What do I like? Who am I? And some of you are sitting here and you think that you have this

456
00:32:09.920 --> 00:32:15.840
this idea of what it is that you want in relationship and a husband and a wife. You think that you have

457
00:32:15.840 --> 00:32:22.640
kind of a picture of what the future looks like, but it's based on a counterfeit. It's not based on

458
00:32:22.640 --> 00:32:30.000
what the real you would really want. And I asked one of you during coaching this week to answer

459
00:32:30.000 --> 00:32:35.200
the question, you know, if you weren't doing this, if you weren't pressured to do these things that

460
00:32:35.200 --> 00:32:40.000
you're doing right now for a job as a lifestyle, all these things, because there's a lot of family

461
00:32:40.000 --> 00:32:46.480
pressure on this student, what would you be doing? Do you even know? Do you even know what you would

462
00:32:46.480 --> 00:32:52.800
be doing if you weren't obligated to do XYZ? And some of you need to ask yourself that question,

463
00:32:52.800 --> 00:32:59.600
like Catherine's asking, what do I like? What do I want? If I didn't have to do what I'm doing

464
00:32:59.600 --> 00:33:05.600
now because of money obligations, because of family obligations, because of, you know, whatever

465
00:33:05.600 --> 00:33:14.240
the obligation, would I still be doing it? And if I, if the answer is no, then what would I be doing?

466
00:33:14.240 --> 00:33:20.240
So I want you guys to add that to your homework. Some of you feel obligated to do what you're

467
00:33:20.240 --> 00:33:25.760
doing simply because you went and got a degree in it, but you haven't really loved it in years.

468
00:33:25.760 --> 00:33:30.480
In fact, maybe you never loved it, but you spent $100,000 in student loans. And so here we are.

469
00:33:30.480 --> 00:33:39.680
You got to ask yourself, if I wasn't doing this because I paid so much money to get a piece of paper

470
00:33:39.680 --> 00:33:46.720
that says I'm allowed to do it, what would I be doing instead? Because I don't know if you got the

471
00:33:46.720 --> 00:33:53.520
memo on this, but we only get one life. There's only one life. Amy, what do you got?

472
00:33:54.000 --> 00:34:04.880
Well, I was reflecting, it's like, I think for me, I went to the cool girl thing to the not caring.

473
00:34:04.880 --> 00:34:10.400
Yeah. And even to the point where I would try to get people on my side, you know,

474
00:34:10.400 --> 00:34:14.480
if I really didn't care, then if somebody else would join my thoughts, we could really be

475
00:34:16.000 --> 00:34:25.040
together and bad and being back or whatever. Or just I went to the wall and just was like,

476
00:34:25.040 --> 00:34:29.120
you know, that's fine. You don't get to know me. I just took my ball and went home.

477
00:34:29.120 --> 00:34:37.760
And that was that. And that really got me absolutely nowhere, to be honest. I mean,

478
00:34:37.760 --> 00:34:43.520
because then I ended up with friends that really did not know me. And that was very unfulfilling.

479
00:34:43.520 --> 00:34:48.480
And I mean, you know, now it's not quite so bad, but I think I still find myself going

480
00:34:48.480 --> 00:34:53.920
to the cool girl thing, not necessarily recruiting other people to be in my cool space with me,

481
00:34:53.920 --> 00:34:57.280
but more just sort of like, I don't care. I mean, you could tell me, you know what,

482
00:34:57.280 --> 00:34:59.920
you're going to die today and I'd be like, fine, I don't care.

483
00:35:00.640 --> 00:35:04.320
Do you remember when you first started feeling that way?

484
00:35:04.320 --> 00:35:06.120
When you first started saying, I don't care.

485
00:35:06.120 --> 00:35:10.600
Yeah, I mean, like, you know, people who say they don't care.

486
00:35:10.600 --> 00:35:12.080
It's not true.

487
00:35:12.080 --> 00:35:13.680
That care the most.

488
00:35:13.680 --> 00:35:14.160
Yeah.

489
00:35:14.160 --> 00:35:17.600
Deep down inside of the people with the biggest hearts, the most

490
00:35:17.600 --> 00:35:20.640
compassion, they're the people that care the most.

491
00:35:20.640 --> 00:35:23.000
So usually we become the, I don't care.

492
00:35:23.000 --> 00:35:26.720
That doesn't bother me because, you know, we we've had a lot of hurt.

493
00:35:26.720 --> 00:35:32.840
So do you remember when you first ever said that?

494
00:35:32.840 --> 00:35:37.280
Or when you first what, what, what was the disappointment that caused you to say?

495
00:35:37.280 --> 00:35:39.040
I don't care about this.

496
00:35:39.040 --> 00:35:44.880
I think mostly when I was younger, it was frustration of not being heard

497
00:35:44.880 --> 00:35:46.760
and just kind of giving up.

498
00:35:46.760 --> 00:35:48.560
And so it was just easier not to care.

499
00:35:48.560 --> 00:35:50.680
Yeah.

500
00:35:50.680 --> 00:35:51.640
Yeah.

501
00:35:51.640 --> 00:35:54.320
It's easier not to care about something that can't change and won't change.

502
00:35:54.320 --> 00:35:54.800
Right.

503
00:35:54.800 --> 00:35:55.880
Exactly.

504
00:35:55.880 --> 00:35:56.320
Right.

505
00:35:56.800 --> 00:36:00.000
As soon as we lose hope that there's there's a possibility that something's

506
00:36:00.000 --> 00:36:04.000
going to change that someone's going to treat us differently or love us or hear us

507
00:36:04.000 --> 00:36:06.720
or, you know, we're going to hold on to that.

508
00:36:06.720 --> 00:36:10.560
But as soon as there's no hope, then we're just going to be like, yeah, I don't care.

509
00:36:10.560 --> 00:36:11.640
Yeah.

510
00:36:11.640 --> 00:36:16.000
And then you said you're also the runner where it's like, OK, well, I'm just

511
00:36:16.000 --> 00:36:17.400
going to I'm just going to leave then.

512
00:36:17.400 --> 00:36:20.000
Yeah, more.

513
00:36:20.000 --> 00:36:23.040
I mean, I don't necessarily have to leave, but I just go behind the wall

514
00:36:23.040 --> 00:36:25.120
and you just don't get to know me.

515
00:36:25.600 --> 00:36:27.840
OK, I mean, I can't I have ran.

516
00:36:27.840 --> 00:36:31.480
I mean, I say that because I have ran for sure.

517
00:36:31.480 --> 00:36:35.440
I mean, there have been times in my life when I have actually moved because I just

518
00:36:35.440 --> 00:36:37.120
thought I have to get out of here.

519
00:36:37.120 --> 00:36:38.120
I have to start over.

520
00:36:38.120 --> 00:36:39.840
Wow.

521
00:36:39.840 --> 00:36:42.040
And I've started over a couple of times.

522
00:36:42.040 --> 00:36:49.040
And now do you feel like you're in a place now where you have down roots and people

523
00:36:49.040 --> 00:36:51.000
know you are having people to know you?

524
00:36:51.000 --> 00:36:55.320
I do this last time that I moved, I said, this is going to be all for me.

525
00:36:55.320 --> 00:36:59.800
And I made my life what I wanted it to be, apart from my family, apart from, you know,

526
00:36:59.800 --> 00:37:04.040
I didn't know anybody when I moved to Louisville and I had a job.

527
00:37:04.040 --> 00:37:05.400
I didn't know anybody at work.

528
00:37:05.400 --> 00:37:06.360
I didn't know anybody.

529
00:37:06.360 --> 00:37:10.720
And I just like the first year I just crashed on my apartment.

530
00:37:10.720 --> 00:37:12.880
I met some people in my apartment complex.

531
00:37:12.880 --> 00:37:17.800
And then as time went on, I just started building my own life and my own career.

532
00:37:17.800 --> 00:37:22.360
I really kind of, you know, became really focused on work at that time.

533
00:37:23.280 --> 00:37:25.520
But that's when I kind of said, this is going to be my life.

534
00:37:25.520 --> 00:37:27.480
This is going to be for me.

535
00:37:27.480 --> 00:37:29.240
And that's going to be it.

536
00:37:29.240 --> 00:37:31.120
And I've pretty much stuck with that.

537
00:37:31.120 --> 00:37:35.080
OK, that's good.

538
00:37:35.080 --> 00:37:38.960
Well, you're going to know me because I'm going to be in Louisville before the

539
00:37:38.960 --> 00:37:42.920
end of this is over in November, obviously in a conference there.

540
00:37:42.920 --> 00:37:44.840
So well, that's exciting.

541
00:37:44.840 --> 00:37:46.360
Yeah, that'll be great.

542
00:37:46.360 --> 00:37:48.240
OK, so all right.

543
00:37:48.240 --> 00:37:51.880
So anyone else relating to what Amy's saying, where you've just been like, you

544
00:37:51.880 --> 00:37:52.360
know what?

545
00:37:53.120 --> 00:37:55.920
Yeah, you realize something wasn't going to work out?

546
00:37:55.920 --> 00:37:59.480
You know, you realize that someone wasn't ever going to love you or, you know,

547
00:37:59.480 --> 00:38:02.720
what whatever was going to happen, you're like, I don't care.

548
00:38:02.720 --> 00:38:06.640
I don't care anymore.

549
00:38:06.640 --> 00:38:08.680
Yeah.

550
00:38:08.680 --> 00:38:13.720
And also it doesn't say it on here, but I think that the cool girl and cool

551
00:38:13.720 --> 00:38:17.800
guy can also be people who, you know, just go with the flow.

552
00:38:19.960 --> 00:38:23.240
Just, you know, I talk about this in my book, actually, modern dating socks,

553
00:38:23.240 --> 00:38:25.960
just people who they never have their own opinion.

554
00:38:25.960 --> 00:38:29.720
They always just do whatever, you know, it could kind of be the people, please

555
00:38:29.720 --> 00:38:34.760
are on here, where it's just like, I'm just going to be easy to be with, very

556
00:38:34.760 --> 00:38:37.800
accommodating so that, you know, I'm not rejected.

557
00:38:37.800 --> 00:38:39.480
Right.

558
00:38:39.480 --> 00:38:40.680
OK.

559
00:38:40.680 --> 00:38:44.320
Anybody else feel like you go behind that wall?

560
00:38:44.320 --> 00:38:47.280
There's a self I should I'll put it up in the group.

561
00:38:47.280 --> 00:38:50.040
There's a self preservation technique worksheet that I use for

562
00:38:50.040 --> 00:38:53.840
hard work and has about 50 or 60 of them on there.

563
00:38:53.840 --> 00:39:01.200
And one of them is, you know, people who withdraw, you know, withdraw

564
00:39:01.200 --> 00:39:01.880
behind the wall.

565
00:39:01.880 --> 00:39:05.760
Yeah, anybody?

566
00:39:05.760 --> 00:39:13.080
And here's the problem with avoidant attaching, which is what Amy's describing.

567
00:39:13.640 --> 00:39:20.400
OK, people who pull away when things get too emotionally charged or they feel

568
00:39:20.400 --> 00:39:21.680
like, you know, they can't win.

569
00:39:21.680 --> 00:39:23.560
They pull away because they don't want to be rejected.

570
00:39:23.560 --> 00:39:24.400
They don't want to be hurt.

571
00:39:24.400 --> 00:39:28.400
Usually they're going to partner with someone who's a clawler.

572
00:39:28.400 --> 00:39:29.680
So we have the claw on the wall.

573
00:39:29.680 --> 00:39:37.320
Love me, love me, love me, love me, don't leave me and then wall, right?

574
00:39:37.320 --> 00:39:40.600
The claw on the wall, they somehow find each other.

575
00:39:41.080 --> 00:39:44.400
The anxious and the avoidant. So be careful of that, Amy, because you're

576
00:39:44.400 --> 00:39:47.200
leading a little avoidant with what you're talking about right now.

577
00:39:47.200 --> 00:39:51.520
OK, so we want to make sure that we're giving people a chance to know us

578
00:39:51.520 --> 00:39:53.800
and to love us and letting people in.

579
00:39:53.800 --> 00:39:57.320
So keep your eye on that counterfeit and when it comes out and if it comes out

580
00:39:57.320 --> 00:39:58.600
still, Carly, what do we got?

581
00:39:58.600 --> 00:40:08.600
[BLANK_AUDIO]

582
00:40:12.840 --> 00:40:14.200
it, but then I freeze.

583
00:40:14.200 --> 00:40:15.520
So I would freeze.

584
00:40:15.520 --> 00:40:23.080
So like there's an anxious part of me that then stops, freezes, and then flounders and

585
00:40:23.080 --> 00:40:25.720
tries to fix things.

586
00:40:25.720 --> 00:40:27.080
That's probably one of the biggest things.

587
00:40:27.080 --> 00:40:31.480
And that's something that I've learned how to deal, like how to recognize when that comes

588
00:40:31.480 --> 00:40:32.480
up.

589
00:40:32.480 --> 00:40:36.680
But then that also kind of goes with the overachiever.

590
00:40:36.680 --> 00:40:41.320
I'm trying really hard to do everything, you know, that I'll do it myself, like you

591
00:40:41.320 --> 00:40:46.040
don't have to do it for me, which again is something that I've become really aware of

592
00:40:46.040 --> 00:40:51.960
and even just like slowing down, accepting help, saying okay, like it's okay, like it

593
00:40:51.960 --> 00:40:54.520
doesn't have to be perfect.

594
00:40:54.520 --> 00:41:00.280
So just being aware and being aware of the triggers of when they do come, and like it's

595
00:41:00.280 --> 00:41:05.960
become a lot quicker, like, and, you know, not perfect in any of it, but, you know, realizing

596
00:41:05.960 --> 00:41:11.720
that that's definitely the part that the two main things that kind of came out that go

597
00:41:11.720 --> 00:41:18.760
together that I can realize, oh, that's something that I need to be slowing down in.

598
00:41:18.760 --> 00:41:19.760
Yeah.

599
00:41:19.760 --> 00:41:26.840
Yeah, you know, you guys with the fixer, you know, the underneath of that is being needed

600
00:41:26.840 --> 00:41:31.080
is being safer than being loved, right?

601
00:41:31.080 --> 00:41:35.280
And because we've all have people in our life where we, you know, we would say, if someone

602
00:41:35.280 --> 00:41:43.080
asks us about them, we would say, I know they love me, but we also know that they have not

603
00:41:43.080 --> 00:41:45.080
treated us well, that they've been abusive.

604
00:41:45.080 --> 00:41:50.800
Now we know that they love us to the best of their ability, you know, so it's safer when

605
00:41:50.800 --> 00:41:56.040
you're in relationship with someone who actually needs you, you have value to them.

606
00:41:56.040 --> 00:41:59.740
And because of that value, you know, you're going to get treated better because a lot

607
00:41:59.740 --> 00:42:04.320
of times in family, especially, you know, someone loves you, but they also haven't treated

608
00:42:04.320 --> 00:42:05.840
you well.

609
00:42:05.840 --> 00:42:15.840
And so it's when value when need is more important or more, you know, yeah, it's more important

610
00:42:15.840 --> 00:42:19.800
than love than the word love and what we ascribed to that.

611
00:42:19.800 --> 00:42:24.040
And then we were talking about overachieving it kind of sounded like the lone wolf too,

612
00:42:24.040 --> 00:42:26.640
where I'm just going to handle everything, I'm going to get it done, I'm going to handle

613
00:42:26.640 --> 00:42:34.400
it myself, you know, don't need help, don't need to depend on anyone kind of thing.

614
00:42:34.400 --> 00:42:36.800
Have you guys been hearing me this whole time?

615
00:42:36.800 --> 00:42:37.800
Good.

616
00:42:37.800 --> 00:42:38.800
Okay.

617
00:42:38.800 --> 00:42:41.440
Because I haven't been holding this, it's just been laying here.

618
00:42:41.440 --> 00:42:45.240
So and then underneath that is, you know, if I don't need you, then you can't disappoint

619
00:42:45.240 --> 00:42:46.800
me, right?

620
00:42:46.800 --> 00:42:50.360
And if I get everything done and I'm, you know, cross every T and dot every I, then

621
00:42:50.360 --> 00:42:53.080
I can't disappoint you.

622
00:42:53.080 --> 00:42:58.920
And then Carly had a dream and I know I interpreted it, but did I post it?

623
00:42:58.920 --> 00:42:59.920
Yes.

624
00:42:59.920 --> 00:43:00.920
You did.

625
00:43:00.920 --> 00:43:01.920
Okay.

626
00:43:01.920 --> 00:43:02.920
Yeah.

627
00:43:02.920 --> 00:43:03.920
You did.

628
00:43:03.920 --> 00:43:04.920
Okay.

629
00:43:04.920 --> 00:43:05.920
Thank you.

630
00:43:05.920 --> 00:43:06.920
Okay.

631
00:43:06.920 --> 00:43:07.920
Good, good, good.

632
00:43:07.920 --> 00:43:08.920
Okay.

633
00:43:08.920 --> 00:43:09.920
Okay.

634
00:43:09.920 --> 00:43:16.400
Carly said that she's getting better and better at recognizing this when, when it's in action.

635
00:43:16.400 --> 00:43:20.720
And that's really important, you guys, is starting to recognize it when it's in action.

636
00:43:20.720 --> 00:43:24.520
What's going to be really interesting is that when you get around different people and

637
00:43:24.520 --> 00:43:30.440
different dynamics, what other counterfeits might come up, you know, and some people have

638
00:43:30.440 --> 00:43:34.800
been operating, this needs to be said, I'm glad that I remembered this just now.

639
00:43:34.800 --> 00:43:38.980
Some people have been operating in counterfeit for so long that you actually aren't really

640
00:43:38.980 --> 00:43:41.200
sure who you are.

641
00:43:41.200 --> 00:43:47.860
You don't know what the real you you've been, you've been like in a performance for so long.

642
00:43:47.860 --> 00:43:52.040
And we call this not just disassociation.

643
00:43:52.040 --> 00:43:55.840
We call this, gosh, what's it called?

644
00:43:55.840 --> 00:43:58.600
If anyone knows the word.

645
00:43:58.600 --> 00:44:05.160
Tell me what you think it is.

646
00:44:05.160 --> 00:44:10.920
I'll think of it, but in psychology, there's a word for it where you are very, you know,

647
00:44:10.920 --> 00:44:15.880
kind of like outside watching yourself, you know, you're, you know, has anyone been in

648
00:44:15.880 --> 00:44:22.760
a situation where you just, you're like, I just, I feel like an imposter in my own life.

649
00:44:22.760 --> 00:44:26.800
I feel kind of like, I feel like I'm showing up fake all the time when I'm talking to people.

650
00:44:26.800 --> 00:44:31.560
I just don't, I don't, it's called depersonalization.

651
00:44:31.560 --> 00:44:37.560
When you don't really feel like you're being real and you don't really know who you are.

652
00:44:37.560 --> 00:44:41.000
So as anyone else ever experienced that, I've definitely experienced it.

653
00:44:41.000 --> 00:44:46.680
I think that it's part of healing from PTSD and different things.

654
00:44:46.680 --> 00:44:51.360
So some of you, like I said, have been operating in things for so long for survival that you're

655
00:44:51.360 --> 00:44:55.800
not really sure who you are underneath all those layers, but guess what, Holy Spirit's

656
00:44:55.800 --> 00:44:59.980
going to show you. Okay, Dan, what do you got? Dan, Dan, the guy is finally talking.

657
00:45:02.600 --> 00:45:09.320
- All right, I was trying to shut down this really fast,

658
00:45:09.320 --> 00:45:10.280
but you were saying.

659
00:45:10.280 --> 00:45:13.920
And now I'm losing my train of thought.

660
00:45:13.920 --> 00:45:14.920
Oh, okay, so.

661
00:45:14.920 --> 00:45:19.920
I guess I'm like a hybrid of sorts

662
00:45:19.920 --> 00:45:23.080
because the one that I said that held me back

663
00:45:23.080 --> 00:45:24.640
the most was like the wall,

664
00:45:24.640 --> 00:45:27.280
but the one that gets, it wasn't like the most attention

665
00:45:27.280 --> 00:45:30.000
and the most reward was like the performer.

666
00:45:30.000 --> 00:45:35.360
So it's one of those things like if you ever like grew up

667
00:45:35.360 --> 00:45:39.680
in like a church that's like legalistic and like judgmental

668
00:45:39.680 --> 00:45:41.720
and then you get like diagnosed with like learning

669
00:45:41.720 --> 00:45:45.840
disabilities, you know, where that's gonna go.

670
00:45:45.840 --> 00:45:47.400
And it's just a surprise anybody

671
00:45:47.400 --> 00:45:50.080
that like the person settles in and that kind of stuff.

672
00:45:50.080 --> 00:45:54.000
But anyways, one of the ways that I can like,

673
00:45:54.000 --> 00:45:56.120
in a way like get people off my back

674
00:45:56.120 --> 00:46:00.040
or to kind of like stem wrong that I'm not like junk

675
00:46:00.040 --> 00:46:03.800
or that I was like made in with laws and whatnot.

676
00:46:03.800 --> 00:46:08.480
So, you know, I had to be good at school

677
00:46:08.480 --> 00:46:11.280
and like just through, you know, confidence.

678
00:46:11.280 --> 00:46:15.360
And it took a lot to be talking about my past.

679
00:46:15.360 --> 00:46:19.520
It's a breakdown because the performer side of me,

680
00:46:19.520 --> 00:46:23.400
like I do very kind and thoughtful stuff.

681
00:46:23.400 --> 00:46:25.920
And I'm grateful that my like grandpa

682
00:46:25.920 --> 00:46:28.360
always taught me like you got to come correct

683
00:46:28.360 --> 00:46:30.080
with your motives.

684
00:46:30.080 --> 00:46:34.360
And that's like one of those things that like I always

685
00:46:34.360 --> 00:46:37.880
got to like check myself that like whatever,

686
00:46:37.880 --> 00:46:40.360
like good kind of thing I want to do for somebody

687
00:46:40.360 --> 00:46:42.720
better be for the right reason

688
00:46:42.720 --> 00:46:44.760
and not to try to like gain attention

689
00:46:44.760 --> 00:46:46.760
and then it's like a genuine thing, you know,

690
00:46:46.760 --> 00:46:49.800
sort of like that sort of deal.

691
00:46:49.800 --> 00:46:54.080
So it's just one of those things that I'll see it

692
00:46:54.080 --> 00:46:58.320
like manifesting something different parts of my life.

693
00:46:58.320 --> 00:47:01.840
And I, yeah, that's what I got.

694
00:47:01.840 --> 00:47:04.760
- Yeah, no, it's good, it's good.

695
00:47:04.760 --> 00:47:06.840
And, you know, and it's one thing too.

696
00:47:06.840 --> 00:47:10.520
I mean, it's also possible that you're just a kind person,

697
00:47:10.520 --> 00:47:12.600
you know, that you're just a kind person.

698
00:47:12.600 --> 00:47:15.320
You know, if in the past you feel like you have had,

699
00:47:15.320 --> 00:47:17.840
you know, an ulterior motive because, you know,

700
00:47:17.840 --> 00:47:21.960
you feel like this person, you know, needs to be won over

701
00:47:21.960 --> 00:47:24.560
somehow or you want to show them that, you know,

702
00:47:24.560 --> 00:47:26.240
that you're a kind person.

703
00:47:26.240 --> 00:47:28.080
But there are people that are just kind.

704
00:47:28.080 --> 00:47:29.240
They're just compassionate.

705
00:47:29.240 --> 00:47:31.840
They're just giving, they're just generous people.

706
00:47:31.840 --> 00:47:36.680
And that's great, you know, that's not a counterfeit.

707
00:47:36.680 --> 00:47:39.720
It can, it can lean into you guys gifts.

708
00:47:39.720 --> 00:47:41.200
I want you to write this down.

709
00:47:41.200 --> 00:47:46.200
Gifts overextended by trauma become weaknesses.

710
00:47:46.200 --> 00:47:49.800
So Dan's probably a very generous person by nature.

711
00:47:49.800 --> 00:47:52.040
It's probably a giver by nature.

712
00:47:52.040 --> 00:47:54.640
But then getting overextended by trauma,

713
00:47:54.640 --> 00:47:56.880
the trauma of needing to prove himself

714
00:47:56.880 --> 00:47:58.280
because of learning disabilities,

715
00:47:58.280 --> 00:48:01.120
the need to prove himself just in general,

716
00:48:01.120 --> 00:48:03.960
the need to, you know, possibly, you know,

717
00:48:03.960 --> 00:48:06.600
win people over in order to stay safe.

718
00:48:06.600 --> 00:48:08.560
That can overextend that gift

719
00:48:08.560 --> 00:48:10.240
and then that gift can become a weakness

720
00:48:10.240 --> 00:48:12.680
where he's doing it for the wrong reasons.

721
00:48:12.680 --> 00:48:15.760
But it doesn't mean that it's not a true gift of his.

722
00:48:15.760 --> 00:48:18.760
You guys get what I'm saying?

723
00:48:19.680 --> 00:48:21.480
All right, now there's a lot of you

724
00:48:21.480 --> 00:48:23.800
who are not volunteering any information

725
00:48:23.800 --> 00:48:26.200
about yourselves at all.

726
00:48:26.200 --> 00:48:29.000
Okay, so everyone to put in the chat right now,

727
00:48:29.000 --> 00:48:32.360
which counterfeit you feel like, you know,

728
00:48:32.360 --> 00:48:34.280
was highlighted to you.

729
00:48:34.280 --> 00:48:36.960
And we'll let Angie go here.

730
00:48:36.960 --> 00:48:38.520
I want you guys to start getting that up

731
00:48:38.520 --> 00:48:41.800
'cause we don't have a whole heck of a lot of time left.

732
00:48:41.800 --> 00:48:44.680
And I can just see a lot of you not going.

733
00:48:44.680 --> 00:48:49.440
Oh yeah, someone put depersonalization in the chat.

734
00:48:49.440 --> 00:48:50.960
Yep, that was the word I was looking for.

735
00:48:50.960 --> 00:48:52.200
It came to my brain.

736
00:48:52.200 --> 00:48:54.680
All right, Angie, go ahead and kick us off here

737
00:48:54.680 --> 00:48:57.120
while people are putting up theirs in the chat.

738
00:48:57.120 --> 00:48:58.040
Go ahead.

739
00:48:58.040 --> 00:49:02.400
- I wanted to ask a question about the wall

740
00:49:02.400 --> 00:49:07.120
because I do know I had that tendency before.

741
00:49:07.120 --> 00:49:11.480
But I thought I worked through that a lot

742
00:49:11.480 --> 00:49:13.800
and that I'm pretty open.

743
00:49:13.800 --> 00:49:18.800
And when people ask me, I don't mind sharing things

744
00:49:18.800 --> 00:49:23.800
and I feel like I could be a pretty open book for most things.

745
00:49:23.800 --> 00:49:29.760
But again, yesterday I was talking to some men at Starbucks.

746
00:49:29.760 --> 00:49:32.160
There's this really cute group of older men,

747
00:49:32.160 --> 00:49:35.880
local businessmen, and they come in all the time,

748
00:49:35.880 --> 00:49:37.720
all married, but I just like joking with them

749
00:49:37.720 --> 00:49:39.040
and chatting with them, small talk.

750
00:49:39.040 --> 00:49:42.600
And as I was leaving, chatted with them a bit

751
00:49:42.600 --> 00:49:44.480
and they started asking me some questions

752
00:49:44.480 --> 00:49:48.600
and I was answering and I thought it was a fine conversation.

753
00:49:48.600 --> 00:49:50.960
And he was like, why are you being so evasive?

754
00:49:50.960 --> 00:49:52.480
I'm like, what do you mean?

755
00:49:52.480 --> 00:49:54.160
I just answered all your questions

756
00:49:54.160 --> 00:49:57.080
and I told you like, I did this and what?

757
00:49:57.080 --> 00:50:00.080
And I had no idea that they were.

758
00:50:02.320 --> 00:50:04.800
Meanwhile, I'm like telling you things

759
00:50:04.800 --> 00:50:06.360
that I'd rarely ever talk about.

760
00:50:06.360 --> 00:50:09.000
So I'm like-- - Interesting.

761
00:50:09.000 --> 00:50:10.040
Yeah, yeah.

762
00:50:10.040 --> 00:50:13.480
- So just one person, just one person thought that about you?

763
00:50:13.480 --> 00:50:16.680
- No, I mean, I've been getting that as a pattern recently.

764
00:50:16.680 --> 00:50:21.120
I was dating up until actually before I started this program

765
00:50:21.120 --> 00:50:22.800
and then in my bouts of dating,

766
00:50:22.800 --> 00:50:24.600
I'll go through phases and take breaks.

767
00:50:24.600 --> 00:50:29.160
But I've gotten that kind of feedback

768
00:50:29.160 --> 00:50:34.160
that I'm hard to read or, again, just yesterday, evasive,

769
00:50:34.160 --> 00:50:35.400
another form of that.

770
00:50:35.400 --> 00:50:39.080
And I'm thinking, where are these people getting this from?

771
00:50:39.080 --> 00:50:42.120
I've gotten all kinds of different weird comments

772
00:50:42.120 --> 00:50:44.480
that I'm like, I'm just, I don't really,

773
00:50:44.480 --> 00:50:45.840
I'm not really thinking much right now.

774
00:50:45.840 --> 00:50:48.440
I'm just hanging here, hanging out, having fun.

775
00:50:48.440 --> 00:50:50.440
I'm really enjoying this conversation.

776
00:50:50.440 --> 00:50:52.640
- Yeah, no.

777
00:50:52.640 --> 00:50:54.120
So what Angie's talking about,

778
00:50:54.120 --> 00:50:55.520
I'm glad you brought this up Angie,

779
00:50:55.520 --> 00:50:58.800
is she is talking about a pattern.

780
00:50:59.640 --> 00:51:01.400
A pattern that other people are noticing.

781
00:51:01.400 --> 00:51:03.880
You guys, if it's a one off, which is why I asked her,

782
00:51:03.880 --> 00:51:05.800
if it's just this one person saying this to her,

783
00:51:05.800 --> 00:51:08.520
giving her this feedback, but she said, no, it's a pattern.

784
00:51:08.520 --> 00:51:10.760
People are using synonyms for the same word,

785
00:51:10.760 --> 00:51:12.760
that you're guarded, that you're evasive,

786
00:51:12.760 --> 00:51:16.280
that you seem hard to get to know,

787
00:51:16.280 --> 00:51:18.200
walled off kind of idea.

788
00:51:18.200 --> 00:51:20.720
So it's important that she pays attention to that,

789
00:51:20.720 --> 00:51:22.920
because if one person gives you feedback,

790
00:51:22.920 --> 00:51:25.200
especially if it's feedback that you've never,

791
00:51:25.200 --> 00:51:27.240
you've never described yourself as that,

792
00:51:27.240 --> 00:51:29.360
no one else has ever described you as that,

793
00:51:29.360 --> 00:51:31.840
it probably is their filter.

794
00:51:31.840 --> 00:51:33.440
It's their filter that's happening.

795
00:51:33.440 --> 00:51:36.000
I'm not saying don't take it and don't pray into it

796
00:51:36.000 --> 00:51:37.680
and ask God to show you.

797
00:51:37.680 --> 00:51:39.400
Anytime anyone says anything to me,

798
00:51:39.400 --> 00:51:42.040
I pray into it to see if there's anything there.

799
00:51:42.040 --> 00:51:45.280
But when more than one person says something very similar

800
00:51:45.280 --> 00:51:48.840
to you, that is when you need to understand that,

801
00:51:48.840 --> 00:51:51.560
regardless of whether it's true, 'cause I know Angie,

802
00:51:51.560 --> 00:51:54.240
and I definitely wouldn't describe her as that,

803
00:51:55.320 --> 00:51:59.680
but this is the way people are experiencing you.

804
00:51:59.680 --> 00:52:01.560
I've said this to quite a few of you,

805
00:52:01.560 --> 00:52:04.160
because you describe yourself in your questionnaires

806
00:52:04.160 --> 00:52:08.280
a certain way, but then I read through your questionnaires

807
00:52:08.280 --> 00:52:10.120
and I see a lot of contradictions

808
00:52:10.120 --> 00:52:12.600
to the way that you've described yourself.

809
00:52:12.600 --> 00:52:14.760
And then I have to ask the question,

810
00:52:14.760 --> 00:52:18.000
this is your ideal self, this is who you think you are,

811
00:52:18.000 --> 00:52:21.220
but your real self is how people experience you.

812
00:52:21.220 --> 00:52:25.000
And different people can experience you differently,

813
00:52:25.000 --> 00:52:26.920
for instance, I'm a girl and Angie's a girl,

814
00:52:26.920 --> 00:52:28.520
so I experience her one way,

815
00:52:28.520 --> 00:52:31.520
but men may be experiencing her a different way

816
00:52:31.520 --> 00:52:32.920
than I'm experiencing her.

817
00:52:32.920 --> 00:52:33.760
Makes sense?

818
00:52:33.760 --> 00:52:38.040
And so it's really important data that she's getting,

819
00:52:38.040 --> 00:52:39.880
important information, because all the people

820
00:52:39.880 --> 00:52:42.240
that have given her this feedback are all male.

821
00:52:42.240 --> 00:52:46.240
So this is how men are experiencing Angie.

822
00:52:46.240 --> 00:52:49.800
Okay, one thing I can tell you about men and Dan,

823
00:52:49.800 --> 00:52:53.480
you're just one guy,

824
00:52:53.480 --> 00:52:56.400
but this is data that I have picked up

825
00:52:56.400 --> 00:52:59.640
by coaching lots and lots and lots of men,

826
00:52:59.640 --> 00:53:04.640
is men are very sensitive to women's disapproval

827
00:53:04.640 --> 00:53:10.200
to their boredom and to their rejection,

828
00:53:10.200 --> 00:53:15.400
which means ladies, if you have resting bitch face,

829
00:53:15.400 --> 00:53:18.240
you better cure yourself of it now, okay?

830
00:53:19.280 --> 00:53:24.280
'Cause a man will take that personally every time.

831
00:53:24.280 --> 00:53:29.240
All right, so if you're a deep thinker

832
00:53:29.240 --> 00:53:33.120
and you gotta inform your face that you're not upset, okay?

833
00:53:33.120 --> 00:53:36.680
'Cause I could see this maybe being what Angie's running

834
00:53:36.680 --> 00:53:39.000
into because I know Angie and as a woman,

835
00:53:39.000 --> 00:53:42.120
I think she's warm, I think she's funny, different things,

836
00:53:42.120 --> 00:53:44.680
but I can see if she was in a situation

837
00:53:44.680 --> 00:53:46.880
where someone was saying something, she's a deep thinker,

838
00:53:46.880 --> 00:53:48.840
she's a contemplative personality,

839
00:53:48.840 --> 00:53:52.680
I could see someone thinking that she's disinterested,

840
00:53:52.680 --> 00:53:56.000
bored, walled off, shut down, something,

841
00:53:56.000 --> 00:53:58.960
just because her face is looking in the moment.

842
00:53:58.960 --> 00:54:04.000
And then you guys, and then men, once again,

843
00:54:04.000 --> 00:54:07.840
they're very sensitive to this because what do men

844
00:54:07.840 --> 00:54:09.240
intrinsically wanna do?

845
00:54:09.240 --> 00:54:12.720
They wanna impress you, they want to make you laugh,

846
00:54:12.720 --> 00:54:14.520
they want you to like them.

847
00:54:14.520 --> 00:54:17.280
You know, a lot of times men are the ones

848
00:54:17.280 --> 00:54:19.120
that are performing on the dates.

849
00:54:19.120 --> 00:54:21.920
They're wanting to impress the girl.

850
00:54:21.920 --> 00:54:26.000
And so if you're coming across as not someone

851
00:54:26.000 --> 00:54:30.080
who can be impressed, then for whatever reason,

852
00:54:30.080 --> 00:54:31.440
maybe you are really impressed,

853
00:54:31.440 --> 00:54:35.040
but you just don't know how to express

854
00:54:35.040 --> 00:54:37.000
what it is that you're feeling.

855
00:54:37.000 --> 00:54:39.040
It's important that you understand that

856
00:54:39.040 --> 00:54:41.360
this is a trigger for guys.

857
00:54:41.360 --> 00:54:42.680
- Yeah, then that's a good point.

858
00:54:42.680 --> 00:54:44.880
How do you express that?

859
00:54:44.880 --> 00:54:47.760
And then also, how do I show that

860
00:54:47.760 --> 00:54:50.480
without going into a counterfeit or being fake

861
00:54:50.480 --> 00:54:55.480
or overly enthusiastic more than I'm actually like, yeah.

862
00:54:55.480 --> 00:54:58.280
- I mean, when you're talking to someone, you know,

863
00:54:58.280 --> 00:55:00.040
and you know, they're talking

864
00:55:03.320 --> 00:55:07.400
just sprinkle the conversation with little ideas like, Oh, yeah, you know,

865
00:55:07.400 --> 00:55:10.240
I'm really a deep thinker, you know, I like to, you know, I'm really a

866
00:55:10.240 --> 00:55:14.520
contemplative personality or, you know, just like not making excuses for

867
00:55:14.520 --> 00:55:19.160
yourself, but actually inviting them to know you, inviting them to understand

868
00:55:19.160 --> 00:55:22.160
that your reactions are not personal towards them.

869
00:55:22.160 --> 00:55:29.440
You know, I gave, I was doing some coaching just recently, and I gave the

870
00:55:29.440 --> 00:55:36.800
person the advice of letting someone know that you're just slower when it

871
00:55:36.800 --> 00:55:41.960
comes to getting to know someone, you know, because people can take that as

872
00:55:41.960 --> 00:55:45.320
disinterest, they can take it as rejection. It's just like, No, I just, you

873
00:55:45.320 --> 00:55:50.560
know, I like to kind of take my time to get to know somebody. And telling

874
00:55:50.560 --> 00:55:53.480
someone that up front, that's important.

875
00:55:55.920 --> 00:56:00.240
Thanks. Yeah, I relate to, I think it was Catherine too, it took me a long

876
00:56:00.240 --> 00:56:04.440
time to find out what I wanted and what I needed. So it does take me a long

877
00:56:04.440 --> 00:56:10.320
time to warm up to someone because I'm recalibrating inside, like, do I

878
00:56:10.320 --> 00:56:15.560
really want this? Which, which side of me is showing up? Thankfully, I've been

879
00:56:15.560 --> 00:56:19.520
in your program long enough to have done a lot of work that when I was going

880
00:56:19.520 --> 00:56:22.920
through a lot of the counterfeits, I was like, Ooh, not so much anymore.

881
00:56:22.920 --> 00:56:28.520
Yes. That's good. You know, American women are, are programmed to just be so

882
00:56:28.520 --> 00:56:32.160
friendly and so polite. And this is how so many women get themselves in bad

883
00:56:32.160 --> 00:56:36.720
situations. Because, you know, you shouldn't be polite and friendly in the

884
00:56:36.720 --> 00:56:40.360
situation, but because we've been programmed and raised in a culture where

885
00:56:40.360 --> 00:56:46.040
we're supposed to always be just very easygoing and very accommodating and

886
00:56:46.040 --> 00:56:52.240
all the things. And I, you know, I just saw this video not that long ago of a

887
00:56:52.240 --> 00:56:56.560
girl telling her story of how her, remember Pokemon? Remember when there

888
00:56:56.560 --> 00:57:00.680
was all the Pokemon, like, you know, the app where you could go and actually

889
00:57:00.680 --> 00:57:05.440
like find the Pokemon, like collect, like the little Easter egg Pokemon,

890
00:57:05.440 --> 00:57:08.240
like you're living in a video game. Does anyone remember when that was a

891
00:57:08.240 --> 00:57:13.240
thing? Well, they were on their college campus and they were going to get a

892
00:57:13.240 --> 00:57:19.280
Pokemon. And they did. And it was pretty late at night. And a security

893
00:57:19.280 --> 00:57:23.960
guard was saying something to them about being on campus. And, you know,

894
00:57:23.960 --> 00:57:27.200
she just didn't feel right in her gut. And he was saying, Oh, you guys are

895
00:57:27.200 --> 00:57:30.800
getting Pokemon? Well, you know, there's one up past the gym. There's like one

896
00:57:30.800 --> 00:57:33.320
that a lot of people don't know about. Come on, I'll show you where it is. And

897
00:57:33.320 --> 00:57:37.280
she was just like, no, I passed her a few, you know, I've got to leave, you

898
00:57:37.280 --> 00:57:41.080
know, a lot of times, you know, people don't, especially women, they don't

899
00:57:41.080 --> 00:57:44.600
want to offend men. They want to be accommodating to men. They don't

900
00:57:44.600 --> 00:57:48.160
especially men in authority in some way. But, you know, her and her

901
00:57:48.160 --> 00:57:53.560
girlfriend did drive off and found out later that that person was not a

902
00:57:53.560 --> 00:57:59.200
security guard and that they had done a lot of bad things. So, so women, you

903
00:57:59.200 --> 00:58:04.080
know, they get themselves in trouble in situations where they are in a

904
00:58:04.080 --> 00:58:07.920
counterfeit of like, like Angie saying, should I be friendlier than I'm

905
00:58:07.920 --> 00:58:11.880
feeling? Should I feign interest when I'm not really that interested? No,

906
00:58:11.880 --> 00:58:16.080
of course not. But at the same time, if you already know that you're a kind

907
00:58:16.080 --> 00:58:21.680
of personality, that it's hard for you to get to know someone. It's, you

908
00:58:21.680 --> 00:58:26.440
know, you're not that gregarious at first. It's okay to, you know, let

909
00:58:26.440 --> 00:58:31.280
people know, hey, you know, just takes me a while to get to know people, you

910
00:58:31.280 --> 00:58:35.440
know, it's okay. Not everyone's an extrovert. And you know, a lot of

911
00:58:35.440 --> 00:58:40.880
extroversion can be one of these, one of these counterfeits. A lot of

912
00:58:40.880 --> 00:58:44.840
extroversion. I feel like I'm a counterfeit extrovert a lot. You know,

913
00:58:44.840 --> 00:58:48.920
people think I'm very extroverted. People are amazed when they find out

914
00:58:48.920 --> 00:58:56.360
that I'm not a true extrovert that I spend, you know, most days, you

915
00:58:56.360 --> 00:59:00.120
know, working, creating, writing, you know, in the cave, so to speak,

916
00:59:00.120 --> 00:59:04.640
not with people at all. And because true extroverts, people that truly

917
00:59:04.640 --> 00:59:09.080
derive energy from social interaction, which is what a true

918
00:59:09.080 --> 00:59:13.880
extrovert is, those people are very rare, just so you know, they're very

919
00:59:13.880 --> 00:59:16.960
rare. And you guys, I think that the other stereotypes that all of

920
00:59:16.960 --> 00:59:19.880
you have to push past because you live in the year 2026, is there's a

921
00:59:19.880 --> 00:59:23.640
lot of stereotypes about women and men out there that people

922
00:59:23.640 --> 00:59:27.800
unfortunately have in their minds before they even meet you. There's

923
00:59:27.800 --> 00:59:31.560
a lot of stereotypes about men about women about different cultures,

924
00:59:31.560 --> 00:59:35.800
different ethnicities. And so we're kind of pushing past all of

925
00:59:35.800 --> 00:59:38.520
that when we're getting to know someone, all the things that we

926
00:59:38.520 --> 00:59:41.600
think we already know about them as a man, as a woman, as this

927
00:59:41.600 --> 00:59:44.960
ethnicity, as a person that grew up in the church, as a person who

928
00:59:44.960 --> 00:59:47.160
came from this side of the country, do you know what I mean?

929
00:59:47.160 --> 00:59:52.600
Who can think of one that's geographic right now, some sort of

930
00:59:52.600 --> 00:59:55.600
counterfeit that could be put on people just because of a place

931
00:59:55.600 --> 00:59:58.880
that they were born. Let's just think of a few real real quick,

932
00:59:58.880 --> 01:00:00.040
Well, fun. Charlie would.

933
01:00:00.880 --> 01:00:04.320
No, I can't, you're muted.

934
01:00:04.320 --> 01:00:08.760
Sorry, I'm on my phone, being an Aussie, that's one

935
01:00:08.760 --> 01:00:12.600
geographically Australians are very different to Americans. I

936
01:00:12.600 --> 01:00:15.360
live in America, I've been here for seven years. And I think

937
01:00:15.360 --> 01:00:18.640
that that's a really big thing. Australians are very

938
01:00:18.640 --> 01:00:23.160
a spade to spade. I'm quite sarcastic, not your like, they're

939
01:00:23.160 --> 01:00:27.880
not going to be they're friendly and they're very open, but

940
01:00:27.920 --> 01:00:31.480
different to the American culture. So that's one that that I

941
01:00:31.480 --> 01:00:35.640
would definitely say, along with that would also like be when I

942
01:00:35.640 --> 01:00:38.960
lived in Africa as well, like the African culture, very

943
01:00:38.960 --> 01:00:43.280
different, where it's like, yes is yes. And you say yes. And

944
01:00:43.280 --> 01:00:47.040
that's the way you act. Even if you don't understand, no one

945
01:00:47.040 --> 01:00:50.880
asks questions. So yeah, that's what I would say.

946
01:00:50.880 --> 01:00:55.120
Yeah, no, for sure. And everyone's putting good ones up in the

947
01:00:55.120 --> 01:00:57.760
chat, you know, there's a lot of stereotypes about southern

948
01:00:57.760 --> 01:01:00.640
people that they're super friendly, and also that they're

949
01:01:00.640 --> 01:01:04.440
dumb. Just so you know, that's a stereotype to southern accent

950
01:01:04.440 --> 01:01:08.600
immediately, you know, people think that you're not as smart as

951
01:01:08.600 --> 01:01:11.480
you might be a New Yorker. What is the thing that we think

952
01:01:11.480 --> 01:01:16.880
about New Yorkers that they're what they're rude, right? That

953
01:01:16.880 --> 01:01:24.280
they are not empathetic, that they are hard that, you know,

954
01:01:24.280 --> 01:01:28.160
that they're mean, you know, that's what people think of

955
01:01:28.160 --> 01:01:33.240
New Yorkers, New Englanders, that they are snotty, snobby.

956
01:01:33.240 --> 01:01:39.840
Those are just some things that I can think of that

957
01:01:39.840 --> 01:01:44.280
Californians are fake, right? All the fake people, the

958
01:01:44.280 --> 01:01:49.360
plastic people all live out in California, right? And also

959
01:01:49.360 --> 01:01:52.120
that they're dumb. I think Californians, I also have that

960
01:01:52.120 --> 01:01:55.000
stereotype that they're dumb, you know, like the dumb surfers,

961
01:01:55.000 --> 01:01:59.680
the airheaded blondes, all the things. Yeah, southern versus

962
01:01:59.680 --> 01:02:04.160
Yankee. Okay, yeah, for sure. Okay, so you see that we already

963
01:02:04.160 --> 01:02:06.600
have to kind of push through all of those things. So people

964
01:02:06.600 --> 01:02:10.600
already have preconceived ideas of, you know, what people are

965
01:02:10.600 --> 01:02:13.920
like and what you might be like based on where you're from and

966
01:02:13.920 --> 01:02:17.720
what you look like. And so there's all different types of

967
01:02:17.720 --> 01:02:21.560
counterfeits that we're dealing with all the time. All right,

968
01:02:21.600 --> 01:02:26.000
let's look through the ones that people are putting up that they

969
01:02:26.000 --> 01:02:30.360
haven't spoke up yet. Marcy said the wall, the cool girl, the

970
01:02:30.360 --> 01:02:31.480
performer.

971
01:02:31.480 --> 01:02:40.400
Ari is also wall caretaker cool girl. And you guys see that

972
01:02:40.400 --> 01:02:43.600
there's a lot of counterfeits that are gender based, right? A

973
01:02:43.600 --> 01:02:47.320
lot of the women saying the same thing. People pleaser, some

974
01:02:47.320 --> 01:02:51.080
version of the wall, caregiver, detective summers, the

975
01:02:51.080 --> 01:02:54.760
detective summer, and I talked earlier today, you know, always

976
01:02:54.760 --> 01:02:58.920
trying to figure them out before they get her, right?

977
01:02:58.920 --> 01:03:05.120
Always trying to Kelly, what did you put up for yours? Where's

978
01:03:05.120 --> 01:03:05.840
Kelly's?

979
01:03:05.840 --> 01:03:15.400
meek is the wall. I didn't like, I didn't type anything in, but

980
01:03:15.560 --> 01:03:17.800
it's because like I had certain things I can write. So I'm like,

981
01:03:17.800 --> 01:03:21.200
some I see is now some is very former. And then one thing I

982
01:03:21.200 --> 01:03:24.120
thought was interesting, I would be certain things to certain

983
01:03:24.120 --> 01:03:28.640
people. Or so like I was not this to my family because I was

984
01:03:28.640 --> 01:03:32.080
kind of like, let's write them off. But but to my friends, I

985
01:03:32.080 --> 01:03:34.680
would totally be this. I don't know why my screen till I know

986
01:03:34.680 --> 01:03:37.040
my background is blurry, but my screen will blurry, but not

987
01:03:37.040 --> 01:03:41.480
less. And so that's kind of where I found interesting in doing

988
01:03:41.480 --> 01:03:43.280
this. And I felt like that was like way too much to put in a

989
01:03:43.280 --> 01:03:48.040
box. So I love that you guys see here what she's saying. So it's

990
01:03:48.040 --> 01:03:51.320
just like, okay, well, I can't say which counterfeit I am because

991
01:03:51.320 --> 01:03:55.120
it's dependent on who I'm with. And then and then we can really

992
01:03:55.120 --> 01:03:57.520
dig into that because if you feel like you show up as a

993
01:03:57.520 --> 01:04:00.080
counterfeit with a specific group of people, then you really

994
01:04:00.080 --> 01:04:02.840
need to ask yourself, why? Like, why am I like this with my

995
01:04:02.840 --> 01:04:05.560
friends? Why am I like this? Well, my family? Why am I like

996
01:04:05.560 --> 01:04:08.760
this with people in authority? Why am I you see? See what I

997
01:04:08.760 --> 01:04:13.440
mean? And it's and it's good. And a lot of times people would

998
01:04:13.440 --> 01:04:16.080
just dismiss the says, well, that's just my personality. No,

999
01:04:16.080 --> 01:04:21.120
it's not. It's not your personality. You know, I know

1000
01:04:21.120 --> 01:04:26.120
because this isn't going to bear fruit. Every single one of

1001
01:04:26.120 --> 01:04:29.960
these counterfeits is fear based. I have a different list here

1002
01:04:29.960 --> 01:04:33.120
than the one that I gave you. But the performer is, you know,

1003
01:04:33.120 --> 01:04:36.360
if you see the ordinary me, I might not be enough. It's just a

1004
01:04:36.360 --> 01:04:39.720
fear of not being enough. It's the fear of being rejected. If

1005
01:04:39.720 --> 01:04:43.080
you're not, you know, making people happy or entertaining or

1006
01:04:43.080 --> 01:04:46.840
achieving or whatever. The people pleaser is obviously the

1007
01:04:46.840 --> 01:04:49.880
fear of rejection. You know, I got a I need you to be happy

1008
01:04:49.880 --> 01:04:54.760
with me. The cool girl, cool guy that nothing bothers you one

1009
01:04:54.760 --> 01:04:59.720
is if I'm easy, you know, easy to get along with, then no one's

1010
01:05:14.800 --> 01:05:24.000
I got to control everything because I got up if I plan it. If I manage it. If I over function. If I get the answers. If I push for clarity, then I will feel safe.

1011
01:05:24.000 --> 01:05:27.700
The prosecutor. I need to prove that why you're wrong.

1012
01:05:28.800 --> 01:05:40.520
I know and said this one yet, but I'm surprised, you know, builds the case, collects the evidence. You know, this might be a little bit of you summer, a little bit of a prosecutor there to the detective in the prosecutor underneath that, you know,

1013
01:05:40.520 --> 01:05:55.100
If you're the problem that I don't have to feel vulnerable or examine my part and a lot of you may prosecute a situation and then you find them guilty and then you convict them and you discard them and then afterwards you feel bad about it.

1014
01:05:55.640 --> 01:06:13.760
Because you're like, Well, maybe I maybe it was me. Maybe I'm the villain and not them. And then we have the chaser. Once again, to be an admin fear, the runner, the fear of being trapped in golf, the loss of freedom, the fixer, the fear is being needed.

1015
01:06:15.280 --> 01:06:31.960
Is safer than being loved, you know, fear of not being needed, being able to be discarded. The shape shifter is the real me might not be chosen. So I need to become whatever people want me to be spiritualizer is spiritual certainty feels a lot safer than relational uncertainty for sure.

1016
01:06:31.960 --> 01:06:37.320
And the lone wolf is if I don't need you, then you can't you can't reject me.

1017
01:06:38.080 --> 01:06:51.080
If I don't need you, then you can't disappoint me. You can't reject me. You can't abandon me because I don't need you in the first place, right? So underneath that is the fear of being rejected abandoned or disappointed. So do you see how these are all fear based personalities?

1018
01:06:51.080 --> 01:06:59.600
So when we talk next week about how we sabotage ourselves when we're in this.

1019
01:07:00.600 --> 01:07:14.480
It feels good in the moment because we're keeping ourselves safe. It feels good in the moment to operate in a counterfeit because you're you're keeping yourself from experiencing the pain of rejection or whatever it is. But it's also costing you something.

1020
01:07:14.480 --> 01:07:27.920
It's costing you something in the long run. And so we're going to talk about that next week. Like, what's it costing us to show up as any of these counterfeits instead of being vulnerable instead of inviting people to see us good, bad and ugly.

1021
01:07:28.960 --> 01:07:41.160
Instead of allowing people to reject us if they need to. You guys, there's people that need to reject you. They need to get out of your boat, rock the boat, see who falls out and leave them there.

1022
01:07:41.160 --> 01:07:50.160
It's costing you if you're a people pleaser to keep people on your boat that don't belong there.

1023
01:07:52.560 --> 01:08:02.680
Because guess what? There's not room for the people that do belong there and have you ever been in a car with people that all want to go someplace that you don't want to go?

1024
01:08:02.680 --> 01:08:07.400
Yeah, it's like that.

1025
01:08:07.400 --> 01:08:20.080
You got to get stuff done and everybody else wants to do something else. They all have their own agendas because they're not going the same place as you and they're not going the same direction as you. And so God really wants you to tell them to get out.

1026
01:08:20.080 --> 01:08:31.600
So I'm not going to promise you that there's not going to be some pruning that happens in this situation. What's it costing you to stay at that job?

1027
01:08:31.600 --> 01:08:44.600
Was it costing you to do anything that you're doing in a counterfeit version of yourself? And so we're going to get more into that. Like, what is the cost of that?

1028
01:08:49.279 --> 01:08:55.520
Sorry, there's squirrels running on my roof, squirrels. It's nighttime. It's like, go to bed, squirrels. Okay.

1029
01:08:55.520 --> 01:09:03.520
Country life friends. What's it costing me to live as a counterfeit in the country? A lot.

1030
01:09:03.520 --> 01:09:12.399
I don't want chicken coops. I don't want a garden. I don't want two and a half acres of rattlesnakes and squirrels and I don't like it.

1031
01:09:12.880 --> 01:09:29.080
It's costing me a lot. Y'all. I'm a city girl. I don't belong here. I don't want to be here anymore. But I thought I wanted it. Everyone's like, move to the country. It's amazing in the country. It'll regulate your nervous system in the country. You want to be in the country. The country is better.

1032
01:09:29.080 --> 01:09:39.920
And it's not for me. And so really just giving yourself permission, regardless of what other people think is best for you or what they think that you should do doing what you want to do.

1033
01:09:40.840 --> 01:09:56.040
I'm giving you full permission in this 12 weeks to become a version of yourself that does not apologize for what you want anymore. We're all way too old in here, even the youngest of us to be living a counterfeit life based on someone else's expectations or someone else what they think.

1034
01:09:56.040 --> 01:09:57.560
Amen.

1035
01:09:57.560 --> 01:09:59.920
That includes your parents.

1036
01:10:02.960 --> 01:10:06.080
minor children. There are people in here that have children that are still

1037
01:10:06.080 --> 01:10:09.920
minors. Can I see their hands? They're still at

1038
01:10:09.920 --> 01:10:15.280
home. They're not 18 yet. Anybody? Does anyone have those? Vivian, are you the

1039
01:10:15.280 --> 01:10:20.480
only one? Angie? Angie doesn't. Vivian, do you? Yeah, Vivian does for sure.

1040
01:10:20.480 --> 01:10:25.840
Does no one else? Okay. Well, this is just for Vivian then. If your son has a strong

1041
01:10:25.840 --> 01:10:29.680
opinion about what you should or should not do in the season of your life when

1042
01:10:29.680 --> 01:10:33.280
you're dating and for mating and you're meeting people,

1043
01:10:33.280 --> 01:10:39.200
then he needs to understand that he does not have the executive vote.

1044
01:10:39.200 --> 01:10:44.080
As much as you love him, he does not have the executive vote. He does not have the

1045
01:10:44.080 --> 01:10:49.520
veto. You will take what he wants into consideration,

1046
01:10:49.520 --> 01:10:54.720
but you are a grown woman and you will do what you think and feel is right for

1047
01:10:54.720 --> 01:10:57.600
you. Okay. And then others of you, you have other

1048
01:10:57.600 --> 01:11:01.520
nosy people in your life. It may not be a kid, but it's somebody you have a best

1049
01:11:01.520 --> 01:11:04.240
friend. Raise your hand if you have people in

1050
01:11:04.240 --> 01:11:08.320
your life that really are skeptical of whether or not you will get married or

1051
01:11:08.320 --> 01:11:13.680
even should want to be married. Anyone, just even one person in your life

1052
01:11:13.680 --> 01:11:21.440
that just isn't on on board with that. That thinks, yeah, this might not happen

1053
01:11:21.440 --> 01:11:24.400
for you. They may even be trying to keep you from

1054
01:11:24.400 --> 01:11:29.840
being disappointed by saying things like this. And or they think that it's not

1055
01:11:29.840 --> 01:11:33.680
really something you should want. Some of us even maybe irresponsible for you to

1056
01:11:33.680 --> 01:11:38.720
want it at your age or whatever. Okay. More than half of you.

1057
01:11:38.720 --> 01:11:41.120
And for the rest of you, good.

1058
01:11:41.120 --> 01:11:49.280
You're running into something else. Okay. So did a couple of you raise your hand if

1059
01:11:49.280 --> 01:11:52.480
you didn't put anything up, Jeanette, did you put anything up? What is your

1060
01:11:52.480 --> 01:11:59.520
counterfeit? Yeah, I did. I put my counterfeit is

1061
01:11:59.520 --> 01:12:04.560
the people pleaser and like a version of the wall and maybe a little bit of the

1062
01:12:04.560 --> 01:12:09.120
cool girl. Who do you try to please the most?

1063
01:12:09.120 --> 01:12:16.480
What situation would bring out the people pleaser in you? Tell me a scenario.

1064
01:12:16.480 --> 01:12:21.680
I think probably when there's a lot of people that have a lot of opinions

1065
01:12:21.680 --> 01:12:27.760
and I'll just fade into the background and just be like, all right, I don't need to share my

1066
01:12:27.760 --> 01:12:33.600
opinion because I don't want to disappoint anybody or have them think differently about me.

1067
01:12:33.600 --> 01:12:40.160
I think it comes from like, I don't want to burden anyone with myself.

1068
01:12:40.160 --> 01:12:46.960
Oh, wow. That's a good one. Yeah. Anybody else? You don't want to be a burden?

1069
01:12:49.280 --> 01:12:56.560
Strong personalities, Jeanette, in your family? Yeah, lots of strong personalities for sure.

1070
01:12:56.560 --> 01:13:01.120
Yeah, definitely growing up as well. Like I have two older brothers and they fought all the time.

1071
01:13:01.120 --> 01:13:07.840
And so I was the like the peacemaker or the one that was like, well, I don't want to be

1072
01:13:07.840 --> 01:13:14.160
the one that disappoints my parents like they are. So I'll just be the obedient one and, you know,

1073
01:13:14.160 --> 01:13:24.800
just be the good girl and not stir up trouble. So yeah, no, that's good. It's good to know.

1074
01:13:24.800 --> 01:13:29.600
Okay, so that's when it comes out and that's where it comes from. She said, when it comes out,

1075
01:13:29.600 --> 01:13:33.840
she doesn't want to be in the midst of conflict. She doesn't want anyone arguing with her.

1076
01:13:33.840 --> 01:13:38.080
She doesn't want to create conflict by her opinion. She's willing to just go with the flow,

1077
01:13:38.080 --> 01:13:42.320
especially when there's strong personalities around and it comes from growing up in a family

1078
01:13:42.320 --> 01:13:45.680
where there was constant conflict with her siblings, not with her, but with each other.

1079
01:13:45.680 --> 01:13:53.040
Yeah. See that? It's good. Okay, I'm just going to start calling on some of you just so you know,

1080
01:13:53.040 --> 01:14:01.600
Amber, what do you got? I have like four of them all together, like

1081
01:14:01.600 --> 01:14:09.600
the performer, the achiever, the fixer and controller. I feel like they all kind of like

1082
01:14:09.600 --> 01:14:14.720
overlapped and went together to make something else, but I don't know what the name of it is yet.

1083
01:14:14.720 --> 01:14:20.240
What's the what's the what's the number one thing that one that you feel like you go into the most,

1084
01:14:20.240 --> 01:14:25.280
especially in relationship, like in in relationship, not just in life?

1085
01:14:25.280 --> 01:14:37.040
Probably like the controller because then I can make it better for everybody else.

1086
01:14:38.000 --> 01:14:43.760
Okay, make it better for everybody else than I'm like, huh, okay, it's good.

1087
01:14:43.760 --> 01:14:50.400
Yeah, so you're able to justify controlling because you know, you have a better way and you're

1088
01:14:50.400 --> 01:14:59.600
making it better for everybody. Yeah. Yeah. You'll tell me for this someday.

1089
01:15:07.000 --> 01:15:09.800
there to not be clarity.

1090
01:15:09.800 --> 01:15:12.560
We don't like there to not be organization.

1091
01:15:12.560 --> 01:15:14.560
We don't like it when things are open-ended.

1092
01:15:14.560 --> 01:15:20.120
We like things to be close-ended, done, you know, put that baby to bed, you know, kind

1093
01:15:20.120 --> 01:15:21.200
of thing.

1094
01:15:21.200 --> 01:15:24.960
So remember that, you know, romance will definitely not be like that.

1095
01:15:24.960 --> 01:15:30.140
It's going to give you all kinds of opportunities to wonder, you know, what's going to happen

1096
01:15:30.140 --> 01:15:33.340
next.

1097
01:15:33.340 --> 01:15:37.760
And the more that we push for clarity, friends, especially in those first few months, the

1098
01:15:37.760 --> 01:15:40.480
more that it can become overwhelming.

1099
01:15:40.480 --> 01:15:47.720
So sometimes we just have to let life surprise us a little bit, Amber, do you like surprises?

1100
01:15:47.720 --> 01:15:59.600
If they're good, Vivian, did you, you had your hand up, were you going to say something?

1101
01:15:59.600 --> 01:16:03.080
Oh, I didn't get a chance to put my counterfeit.

1102
01:16:03.080 --> 01:16:08.400
So I was going to say surprisingly, I just recently learned that I can be a people cleanser

1103
01:16:08.400 --> 01:16:12.920
only in certain circumstances when I really thought about it.

1104
01:16:12.920 --> 01:16:16.920
And then other times I can be more a runner.

1105
01:16:16.920 --> 01:16:23.080
And I definitely noticed that, like, I don't know why with friendships with females, anytime

1106
01:16:23.080 --> 01:16:29.160
they want to get too close, I don't know why that I kind of don't like that.

1107
01:16:29.160 --> 01:16:37.240
I have a lot of sisters, I'm in a sorority, like I'm okay socially, but when people, women

1108
01:16:37.240 --> 01:16:41.440
try to get too, too close, I don't know why I'm just kind of like, okay, let's kind of

1109
01:16:41.440 --> 01:16:44.800
relax our chill a little bit.

1110
01:16:44.800 --> 01:16:48.880
What do you mean by too close, like hug you, or you mean like too close, like get to know

1111
01:16:48.880 --> 01:16:49.880
you too much?

1112
01:16:49.880 --> 01:16:54.020
Yeah, get to know me too much, like too many questions, want to hang out, want to do more

1113
01:16:54.020 --> 01:16:58.640
and more and more and I don't know, my family.

1114
01:16:58.640 --> 01:17:03.040
Have you been betrayed by friends, girls?

1115
01:17:03.040 --> 01:17:04.040
Definitely.

1116
01:17:04.040 --> 01:17:05.040
Well, there's your trouble.

1117
01:17:05.040 --> 01:17:06.040
Yeah.

1118
01:17:06.040 --> 01:17:10.280
Don't have to dig too far to find that one.

1119
01:17:10.280 --> 01:17:11.280
That's true.

1120
01:17:11.280 --> 01:17:17.000
The hardcore betrayals that just took the rug from under me, yeah.

1121
01:17:17.000 --> 01:17:22.160
Yeah, I mean, you know, that'll happen and if you don't trust a certain, you know, if

1122
01:17:22.160 --> 01:17:27.360
you don't like she's saying, you know, if you have a hard time letting certain people

1123
01:17:27.360 --> 01:17:30.720
group near you, you have to ask yourself, you know, what am I afraid of and where does

1124
01:17:30.720 --> 01:17:33.720
it stem from, you know, kind of thing.

1125
01:17:33.720 --> 01:17:39.440
So I've had people in my program that have massive mommy wounds, people that joined my

1126
01:17:39.440 --> 01:17:46.040
last year single program and I carry like a very supernatural mothering, like I carry

1127
01:17:46.040 --> 01:17:48.760
that, like I'm not trying to be anyone's mother and a lot of these people are older

1128
01:17:48.760 --> 01:17:54.120
than me, you know, or my age and I'm obviously not old enough to be their mom, but the people

1129
01:17:54.120 --> 01:17:59.680
that have the biggest mother wounds, I can always tell who they are right away because

1130
01:17:59.680 --> 01:18:07.400
they're very distrustful and very skeptical and, you know, very, you know, off, you know,

1131
01:18:07.400 --> 01:18:11.800
just put off a lot of times by the things that you're saying because of that.

1132
01:18:11.800 --> 01:18:17.240
So you guys watch that, just watch if you feel like you're more guarded around certain

1133
01:18:17.240 --> 01:18:23.920
people, certain age groups, certain ethnicities, certain careers, you know, some people don't

1134
01:18:23.920 --> 01:18:30.280
like doctors, they don't like, you know, they're just all kinds of things that can show up.

1135
01:18:30.280 --> 01:18:33.460
So Vivian, we want to definitely make sure that we're doing the hard work around is

1136
01:18:33.460 --> 01:18:37.320
forgiving women are going to be a really important part of your future.

1137
01:18:37.320 --> 01:18:40.600
And I know and then a lot of times when you have a lot of siblings, especially who's got

1138
01:18:40.600 --> 01:18:44.600
a lot of sisters, she's got a mother, all the things, we feel like we don't really need

1139
01:18:44.600 --> 01:18:45.600
necessarily friends.

1140
01:18:45.600 --> 01:18:49.700
Does anyone else have like a lot of family and you're just like, yeah, you know, I really

1141
01:18:49.700 --> 01:18:53.460
need a lot of friends to have a lot of family, well, you do need friends, you do need community,

1142
01:18:53.460 --> 01:18:56.380
you do need people that are going to see you through a different perspective than your

1143
01:18:56.380 --> 01:18:57.380
family.

1144
01:18:57.380 --> 01:19:01.620
Your family sees you very specifically and family are the ones that will keep you in

1145
01:19:01.620 --> 01:19:03.420
counter fits the worst.

1146
01:19:03.420 --> 01:19:06.380
Let me talk about this for a second.

1147
01:19:06.380 --> 01:19:07.460
Your family, God love them.

1148
01:19:07.460 --> 01:19:09.260
They might be the greatest people in the world.

1149
01:19:09.260 --> 01:19:16.380
In fact, one of my longtime clients who unfortunately is still single, I just talked

1150
01:19:16.380 --> 01:19:17.380
to her this morning.

1151
01:19:17.380 --> 01:19:18.680
I feel like she just turned 43.

1152
01:19:18.680 --> 01:19:19.820
I feel like this is going to be it.

1153
01:19:19.820 --> 01:19:24.740
I feel like she's going to definitely, she's done a lot of work and I feel like she's going

1154
01:19:24.740 --> 01:19:30.020
to definitely get breakthrough this year, but she is one of the only children in her family

1155
01:19:30.020 --> 01:19:32.100
of the whole family.

1156
01:19:32.100 --> 01:19:36.940
Her mom was the only person that had children, the other uncles and aunts were not able to

1157
01:19:36.940 --> 01:19:37.940
have children.

1158
01:19:37.940 --> 01:19:43.340
They're the only kids, her and her twin brother, the only children in this family and they're

1159
01:19:43.340 --> 01:19:44.340
now grown.

1160
01:19:44.340 --> 01:19:50.460
They're 43 years old, but because of that, a lot of expectation has rested on them and

1161
01:19:50.460 --> 01:19:56.860
the family is very opinionated, they're very controlling in a lot of ways.

1162
01:19:56.860 --> 01:19:59.980
There's just a lot that has happened over the years.

1163
01:20:01.260 --> 01:20:05.260
When I was working with this client, she had a dream.

1164
01:20:05.260 --> 01:20:07.140
And it was during this kind of session,

1165
01:20:07.140 --> 01:20:08.780
this counterfeit session.

1166
01:20:08.780 --> 01:20:11.620
She had a dream and in the dream,

1167
01:20:11.620 --> 01:20:14.940
her family had one of those big economy vans in the 80s.

1168
01:20:14.940 --> 01:20:16.480
You know, those big eco vans.

1169
01:20:16.480 --> 01:20:18.980
You just took, you know, on trips and stuff.

1170
01:20:18.980 --> 01:20:21.980
And her whole family was in this van.

1171
01:20:21.980 --> 01:20:23.980
And she came up to the passenger window

1172
01:20:23.980 --> 01:20:25.480
and she was looking in in the dream

1173
01:20:25.480 --> 01:20:26.900
and like saying hi to everyone.

1174
01:20:26.900 --> 01:20:29.820
And she saw herself in this van.

1175
01:20:29.820 --> 01:20:33.540
In that back row, her and her brother

1176
01:20:33.540 --> 01:20:37.020
and her brother's wife were sitting back there in this van.

1177
01:20:37.020 --> 01:20:40.740
And she was like, hey, she, then she said to her family

1178
01:20:40.740 --> 01:20:42.060
that was in the van.

1179
01:20:42.060 --> 01:20:44.260
She said, hey, that's not me.

1180
01:20:44.260 --> 01:20:47.260
Like, hey, you got, you got a fake me in there.

1181
01:20:47.260 --> 01:20:48.340
You got an imposter in me.

1182
01:20:48.340 --> 01:20:49.780
That's not me in there.

1183
01:20:49.780 --> 01:20:52.340
And they all started laughing at her.

1184
01:20:52.340 --> 01:20:55.500
They all started laughing at her, including her fake her.

1185
01:20:55.500 --> 01:20:58.260
Like laughing like, oh, it's fine.

1186
01:20:58.260 --> 01:20:59.420
It doesn't matter.

1187
01:20:59.420 --> 01:21:02.180
It's okay, you know, blah, blah, blah.

1188
01:21:02.180 --> 01:21:04.460
So she opened the side door of this van

1189
01:21:04.460 --> 01:21:08.140
and she drug that imposter of her out of that van.

1190
01:21:08.140 --> 01:21:11.420
And she's not a violent person.

1191
01:21:11.420 --> 01:21:14.820
Like she's the exact opposite of a violent person.

1192
01:21:14.820 --> 01:21:17.140
But she drug that person out of the van.

1193
01:21:17.140 --> 01:21:19.180
And she was just like, hey, you're not me.

1194
01:21:19.180 --> 01:21:20.580
You know, you're not allowed to be here.

1195
01:21:20.580 --> 01:21:23.180
You know, you're not, you're not supposed to be, you know,

1196
01:21:23.180 --> 01:21:25.900
masquerading as me and my family kind of thing.

1197
01:21:25.900 --> 01:21:28.460
And this, this fake version of her was just laughing

1198
01:21:28.460 --> 01:21:29.940
and laughing and laughing in her face.

1199
01:21:29.940 --> 01:21:32.260
And then she woke up and she realized

1200
01:21:32.260 --> 01:21:36.500
that God was saying to her that she was not her real self

1201
01:21:36.500 --> 01:21:40.700
and her family and her family didn't mind.

1202
01:21:40.700 --> 01:21:45.260
They were okay with her being the person

1203
01:21:45.260 --> 01:21:46.580
that they wanted her to be,

1204
01:21:46.580 --> 01:21:48.500
even if it wasn't the real her.

1205
01:21:48.500 --> 01:21:52.900
And I'm sad to report that she began to put down

1206
01:21:52.900 --> 01:21:54.300
some boundaries, she began to say,

1207
01:21:54.300 --> 01:21:56.540
notice some things specifically like they wanted her

1208
01:21:56.540 --> 01:21:58.420
to go to the same church that they had gone to

1209
01:21:58.420 --> 01:21:59.460
for such a long time.

1210
01:21:59.460 --> 01:22:01.980
But that church was pretty toxic.

1211
01:22:01.980 --> 01:22:03.900
And she didn't want to go to church there anymore.

1212
01:22:03.900 --> 01:22:06.260
And so she stopped going to church.

1213
01:22:06.260 --> 01:22:08.540
And she had always been very, very, very close to her family.

1214
01:22:08.540 --> 01:22:10.820
This is a very close knit clan of people.

1215
01:22:10.820 --> 01:22:12.940
But when she started putting up boundaries

1216
01:22:12.940 --> 01:22:15.860
and doing things that the family didn't do,

1217
01:22:15.860 --> 01:22:16.700
guess what?

1218
01:22:16.700 --> 01:22:17.900
They started ostracizing her.

1219
01:22:17.900 --> 01:22:19.700
They started not including her in things.

1220
01:22:19.700 --> 01:22:21.860
They started not inviting her to come out to eat

1221
01:22:21.860 --> 01:22:23.020
after church on Sundays.

1222
01:22:23.020 --> 01:22:24.700
They started not calling her.

1223
01:22:24.700 --> 01:22:26.500
They started not inviting her over.

1224
01:22:26.500 --> 01:22:29.620
This was like punishment for her trying to break away

1225
01:22:29.620 --> 01:22:32.260
and do something different than what they expected

1226
01:22:32.260 --> 01:22:33.220
of her to do.

1227
01:22:33.220 --> 01:22:36.460
And because she was so afraid of losing their affection,

1228
01:22:36.460 --> 01:22:38.840
especially as a single person who didn't have a husband,

1229
01:22:38.840 --> 01:22:39.780
didn't have children,

1230
01:22:39.780 --> 01:22:42.180
and really only ever had her family,

1231
01:22:42.180 --> 01:22:44.900
she began to do again what they wanted her to do.

1232
01:22:44.900 --> 01:22:47.820
And she got stuck right back in that rut.

1233
01:22:47.820 --> 01:22:50.500
Now I know a lot of you are like,

1234
01:22:50.500 --> 01:22:51.660
yeah, it's not that bad,

1235
01:22:51.660 --> 01:22:54.220
but you might see yourself in some picture of that,

1236
01:22:54.220 --> 01:22:55.660
where there are people in your life

1237
01:22:55.660 --> 01:22:58.180
that really do expect you to show up in a way

1238
01:22:58.180 --> 01:23:01.100
that isn't really serving you or them,

1239
01:23:01.100 --> 01:23:04.100
and you don't wanna show up like that anymore.

1240
01:23:04.100 --> 01:23:05.700
And so I really wanna give you permission

1241
01:23:05.700 --> 01:23:08.540
during this 12 weeks to really talk to God

1242
01:23:08.540 --> 01:23:11.780
about what it would look like to not pull the bandaid off,

1243
01:23:11.780 --> 01:23:15.980
but to start stepping back from some of that obligation

1244
01:23:15.980 --> 01:23:17.540
and some of that counterfeit.

1245
01:23:17.540 --> 01:23:21.700
People don't like it when we become our real selves,

1246
01:23:21.700 --> 01:23:23.980
'cause oftentimes we stop doing for them

1247
01:23:23.980 --> 01:23:25.460
something that we should have never been doing

1248
01:23:25.460 --> 01:23:26.540
in the first place.

1249
01:23:26.540 --> 01:23:29.860
People don't like boundaries, y'all.

1250
01:23:29.860 --> 01:23:32.220
People don't really understand boundaries.

1251
01:23:32.220 --> 01:23:34.860
And but they are really their identity.

1252
01:23:34.860 --> 01:23:35.900
If you really think about it,

1253
01:23:35.900 --> 01:23:37.300
it's who you are and who you're not,

1254
01:23:37.300 --> 01:23:39.940
what you're willing to do, what you're not willing to do.

1255
01:23:39.940 --> 01:23:41.380
That is what boundaries really is.

1256
01:23:41.380 --> 01:23:44.420
It's those identity property lines in your life

1257
01:23:44.420 --> 01:23:45.900
that you're not gonna cross anymore

1258
01:23:45.900 --> 01:23:47.340
and you don't want anyone else to cross.

1259
01:23:47.340 --> 01:23:52.340
And so it's actually enabling healthy relationship.

1260
01:23:52.340 --> 01:23:55.140
It's really what it is.

1261
01:23:55.140 --> 01:23:55.980
Without boundaries,

1262
01:23:55.980 --> 01:23:58.220
we cannot have healthy relationship with each other.

1263
01:23:58.220 --> 01:24:01.060
So these are not the laws of disconnection.

1264
01:24:01.060 --> 01:24:05.220
They're the laws of connection or engagement really, honestly.

1265
01:24:05.220 --> 01:24:07.300
All right, so as we wrap up tonight,

1266
01:24:07.300 --> 01:24:08.620
I hope you guys learned some things.

1267
01:24:08.620 --> 01:24:10.660
I hope you saw yourself in some of the things

1268
01:24:10.660 --> 01:24:12.020
that are happening here.

1269
01:24:12.020 --> 01:24:14.340
I hope you see that God has called you into something

1270
01:24:14.340 --> 01:24:16.780
with this 12 weeks, that's really intense,

1271
01:24:16.780 --> 01:24:18.220
but it's also gonna be really good.

1272
01:24:18.220 --> 01:24:22.940
And if you even get one piece of transformation

1273
01:24:22.940 --> 01:24:25.420
from any of the 12 modules that we come through,

1274
01:24:25.420 --> 01:24:28.860
if you even get breakthrough in two or three of them,

1275
01:24:28.860 --> 01:24:30.060
you're gonna be a different person

1276
01:24:30.060 --> 01:24:32.300
at the end of this 12 weeks.

1277
01:24:32.300 --> 01:24:33.980
Something significant is gonna shift

1278
01:24:33.980 --> 01:24:36.940
because when we start thinking different about ourselves,

1279
01:24:36.940 --> 01:24:38.660
when we start believing different,

1280
01:24:38.660 --> 01:24:40.140
then we start acting different.

1281
01:24:40.140 --> 01:24:41.540
And when we start acting different,

1282
01:24:41.540 --> 01:24:45.220
we get a different result, okay?

1283
01:24:46.500 --> 01:24:48.020
And so it's gonna be great.

1284
01:24:48.020 --> 01:24:52.060
All right, Hannah, I wanted you to go before we.

1285
01:24:52.060 --> 01:24:57.420
Hannah, and I saw Ari's in the chat.

1286
01:24:57.420 --> 01:24:58.940
I saw Marcy's in the chat.

1287
01:24:58.940 --> 01:25:00.100
Secure items.

1288
01:25:03.700 --> 01:25:06.880
- Yeah, I know I have a, I'm sure I have a bunch,

1289
01:25:06.880 --> 01:25:09.840
but one that's kind of stood out to me is like,

1290
01:25:09.840 --> 01:25:12.240
I don't know, like I, when I was in therapy last week,

1291
01:25:12.240 --> 01:25:14.000
I was actually talking about it because I,

1292
01:25:14.000 --> 01:25:16.320
I definitely was like my family's social worker,

1293
01:25:16.320 --> 01:25:18.880
and then I oddly enough went into that field.

1294
01:25:18.880 --> 01:25:23.080
You know, and I didn't realize it until I was in my late 20s.

1295
01:25:23.080 --> 01:25:26.920
I was like, oh, you know, I had did a lot of self reflection.

1296
01:25:26.920 --> 01:25:30.320
So that's, I still work in the social work field.

1297
01:25:30.320 --> 01:25:31.640
I did step away from direct care,

1298
01:25:31.640 --> 01:25:32.680
which has been really good for me,

1299
01:25:32.680 --> 01:25:37.680
but my family has always had lots of like chaos and crises.

1300
01:25:37.680 --> 01:25:42.440
And I naturally am a very calm person.

1301
01:25:42.440 --> 01:25:46.960
And for whatever reason, I can handle those situations well.

1302
01:25:46.960 --> 01:25:49.920
It impacts me later, but yeah,

1303
01:25:49.920 --> 01:25:52.680
it's just been kind of a recurring theme.

1304
01:25:52.680 --> 01:25:56.120
And then I really related to visit Jeanette,

1305
01:25:56.120 --> 01:25:59.840
how you kind of like I did grow up in a chaotic family.

1306
01:25:59.840 --> 01:26:02.600
So I really like didn't want to burden my parents with more.

1307
01:26:02.600 --> 01:26:05.440
So I got used to like having no needs.

1308
01:26:05.440 --> 01:26:10.440
So and that's translated into adulthood to just kind of,

1309
01:26:10.440 --> 01:26:13.840
you know, not expressing my needs to others,

1310
01:26:13.840 --> 01:26:15.880
even though I have them or feeling like a burden.

1311
01:26:15.880 --> 01:26:17.120
So yeah.

1312
01:26:17.120 --> 01:26:18.240
- You guys, that's so good.

1313
01:26:18.240 --> 01:26:19.680
That's such a great revelation.

1314
01:26:19.680 --> 01:26:21.600
And you guys know where it comes from.

1315
01:26:21.600 --> 01:26:23.520
So let's start unpacking that, you know,

1316
01:26:23.520 --> 01:26:26.120
one of the ways that you're going to get out friends

1317
01:26:26.120 --> 01:26:28.680
of these root, these, these counterfeits

1318
01:26:28.680 --> 01:26:31.080
is you're going to actually start doing what's counterintuitive.

1319
01:26:31.080 --> 01:26:33.680
You're going to do the thing that you're afraid to do.

1320
01:26:33.680 --> 01:26:36.560
So you're going to start expressing needs, Jeanette, Hannah.

1321
01:26:36.560 --> 01:26:39.480
You're going to start being the squeaky wheel a little bit

1322
01:26:39.480 --> 01:26:43.160
in a way because we want the pendulum to swing the other way.

1323
01:26:43.160 --> 01:26:46.960
So you're not going to be easy going all the time

1324
01:26:46.960 --> 01:26:48.600
because everyone has needs.

1325
01:26:48.600 --> 01:26:50.680
And you're going to have to express those needs

1326
01:26:50.680 --> 01:26:54.000
if you expect to attract a healthy man

1327
01:26:54.000 --> 01:26:55.920
who cares about your needs.

1328
01:26:55.920 --> 01:26:57.760
So that's going to be important.

1329
01:26:57.760 --> 01:27:01.640
Okay, I wanted Sakura and Teodora.

1330
01:27:01.640 --> 01:27:03.560
If you guys can go, go ahead.

1331
01:27:03.560 --> 01:27:08.400
- So I put, I was a smiling general.

1332
01:27:08.400 --> 01:27:13.160
So it's three of them, I would say,

1333
01:27:13.160 --> 01:27:17.600
is the achiever, runner and shapeshifter.

1334
01:27:17.600 --> 01:27:21.000
Growing up, I was taught that you have to smile

1335
01:27:21.000 --> 01:27:22.920
in the midst of everything.

1336
01:27:22.920 --> 01:27:25.200
So that's why I smile all the time.

1337
01:27:25.200 --> 01:27:26.800
But I did learn throughout the years

1338
01:27:26.800 --> 01:27:29.480
that I have different smiles for different emotions.

1339
01:27:29.480 --> 01:27:34.480
So, yeah, that was interesting to learn.

1340
01:27:34.480 --> 01:27:39.280
But I would say my number one is probably the shapeshifter

1341
01:27:39.280 --> 01:27:42.300
because I don't like people to see the roomy.

1342
01:27:45.760 --> 01:27:48.840
- Yeah. - You know where that comes from?

1343
01:27:48.840 --> 01:27:51.680
- Probably because when I did,

1344
01:27:51.680 --> 01:27:54.720
let people see the roomy, they always left.

1345
01:27:54.720 --> 01:27:57.680
So it's also a bit in abandonment and rejection.

1346
01:27:57.680 --> 01:28:03.480
- Well, I can tell you that you are worth,

1347
01:28:03.480 --> 01:28:05.880
you know, seeing between the smiles.

1348
01:28:05.880 --> 01:28:08.000
You're still valuable in between the smiles

1349
01:28:08.000 --> 01:28:10.680
when you're not smiling, in between the smiles

1350
01:28:10.680 --> 01:28:14.200
and that there will be people that love the real you

1351
01:28:14.200 --> 01:28:15.600
and celebrate the real you.

1352
01:28:15.600 --> 01:28:17.520
Friends, the more real you become,

1353
01:28:17.520 --> 01:28:20.040
the more opportunity you have to surround yourself

1354
01:28:20.040 --> 01:28:22.880
with people who really like who you really are.

1355
01:28:22.880 --> 01:28:25.320
We don't have to be liked by everyone.

1356
01:28:25.320 --> 01:28:26.560
We really don't.

1357
01:28:26.560 --> 01:28:28.400
And you're gonna be even in families

1358
01:28:28.400 --> 01:28:31.000
that maybe they don't really love your personality that much

1359
01:28:31.000 --> 01:28:32.000
when you're the real you.

1360
01:28:32.000 --> 01:28:34.080
That's fine, they're still gonna love you.

1361
01:28:34.080 --> 01:28:37.520
You don't have to be BFFs, you know?

1362
01:28:37.520 --> 01:28:38.760
They don't have to be the person

1363
01:28:38.760 --> 01:28:41.000
that you would choose to go on a 10-hour road trip with.

1364
01:28:41.000 --> 01:28:42.520
It's all good.

1365
01:28:42.520 --> 01:28:45.080
- All right, and then let's see Teodora.

1366
01:28:45.080 --> 01:28:48.200
And then I saw some other people hiding in here.

1367
01:28:48.200 --> 01:28:50.720
Diane and Jane, we gotta make sure we get you guys.

1368
01:28:50.720 --> 01:28:53.480
Diane and Jane, Teodora, what do you got?

1369
01:28:53.480 --> 01:28:58.640
- So yeah, for me, my counterfeits were the people pleaser.

1370
01:28:58.640 --> 01:29:02.680
And I saw, I kinda knew because, you know,

1371
01:29:02.680 --> 01:29:06.280
Jackie, I think, you know, about this,

1372
01:29:06.280 --> 01:29:11.200
I grew up in an Italian-American family, immigrant family.

1373
01:29:11.200 --> 01:29:13.480
So that whole codependency,

1374
01:29:13.480 --> 01:29:16.400
putting everybody first and putting myself last, right?

1375
01:29:16.400 --> 01:29:19.840
So I became that people pleaser

1376
01:29:19.840 --> 01:29:23.760
and also trying to feel accepted and fitting in.

1377
01:29:23.760 --> 01:29:27.160
And then the other counterfeit was the detective

1378
01:29:27.160 --> 01:29:28.880
and the achiever, you know?

1379
01:29:28.880 --> 01:29:32.160
Because the detective is gathering information

1380
01:29:32.160 --> 01:29:34.720
and also protecting because I kinda need to know

1381
01:29:34.720 --> 01:29:36.240
what I'm stepping into.

1382
01:29:36.240 --> 01:29:41.040
Because I don't wanna step into problems or issues

1383
01:29:41.040 --> 01:29:42.800
because as an immigrant child,

1384
01:29:42.800 --> 01:29:44.880
I've already been through so much.

1385
01:29:44.880 --> 01:29:46.680
I've had to carry so much.

1386
01:29:46.680 --> 01:29:51.240
And I really wanna experience something different, right?

1387
01:29:51.240 --> 01:29:54.240
I wanna experience joy and happiness.

1388
01:29:54.240 --> 01:29:57.640
- Yeah, and some of the controllers there too,

1389
01:29:57.640 --> 01:30:00.480
because it's like, I wanna find out what's going on.

1390
01:30:07.040 --> 01:30:11.600
or not this is something that I want. I want all the details so that I can see it laid out

1391
01:30:11.600 --> 01:30:15.600
and decide whether or not this is something that I'm going to, you know, I'm going to do with my

1392
01:30:15.600 --> 01:30:20.320
life or get involved within my life or this person's going to be in my life. And there's just really

1393
01:30:20.320 --> 01:30:24.320
no way, friends, for you to know everything. You're not going to know anything, everything about

1394
01:30:24.320 --> 01:30:28.480
someone, no matter how many details you get, there's always going to be something that they do that

1395
01:30:28.480 --> 01:30:32.560
surprises you, that catches you off guard, that you didn't see coming. It's going to happen.

1396
01:30:32.560 --> 01:30:38.880
It's going to happen. So I just want to make sure that you guys are aware of that. But it makes

1397
01:30:38.880 --> 01:30:43.680
sense, right? And you see that she's not the people pleaser. I can attest that she's not the people

1398
01:30:43.680 --> 01:30:48.640
pleaser with men. She's the people pleaser with maybe her family with people that come from this

1399
01:30:48.640 --> 01:30:54.880
old world. But she's going to be more of, you know, show me, you know, what, what you've got

1400
01:30:55.760 --> 01:31:01.680
within the man category. So we don't have to be the same counterfeit with everybody. And we're

1401
01:31:01.680 --> 01:31:07.360
not going to be. So that's why it's important for you to understand, Hey, where does that come from?

1402
01:31:07.360 --> 01:31:11.520
So she knows she comes from an immigrant family, you know, you had to do these things, you had to

1403
01:31:11.520 --> 01:31:15.680
fall in line, you had to, you know, you had to make sure that you're respectful and that you did what

1404
01:31:15.680 --> 01:31:23.760
you were supposed to do. So, and anyone else can relate to Teodora saying, Hey, I've already been

1405
01:31:23.760 --> 01:31:30.800
through enough. So I'm really not, I'm not really, I'm not really signing up for a love story that

1406
01:31:30.800 --> 01:31:39.440
isn't easy. I'm not really wanting to sign up for a love story that has any significant obstacles

1407
01:31:39.440 --> 01:31:46.800
in it, like at the beginning, you know, or is something that isn't going to make my life better

1408
01:31:46.800 --> 01:31:55.600
apparently. Anyone just Vivian? No, Amy's got her hand up. Marcy's got her hand up. Okay, that's

1409
01:31:55.600 --> 01:32:01.360
good thing to know about yourself. Because I'd one thing I do know for sure is that in 2026,

1410
01:32:01.360 --> 01:32:06.240
people have a lot of baggage. Okay, they have a lot of baggage. And men, the majority of you are

1411
01:32:06.240 --> 01:32:12.240
women. So I'm going to say this and Dan, Dan is a guy that's, you know, he's in last year single,

1412
01:32:12.240 --> 01:32:16.400
he's doing his hard work, he's unpacking his stuff. But there's a lot of men because of just the

1413
01:32:16.400 --> 01:32:20.400
culture they've been raised in that they didn't know that they were supposed to do hard work

1414
01:32:20.400 --> 01:32:26.640
or show up for therapy or unpack their stuff. Okay, so we'll talk about this when we get to

1415
01:32:26.640 --> 01:32:30.400
non-negotiables. We'll talk about this more about men. Okay, Diane, you go.

1416
01:32:30.400 --> 01:32:36.960
So mind where the cool girl in the wall.

1417
01:32:38.320 --> 01:32:44.560
Yeah, I noticed I find myself

1418
01:32:44.560 --> 01:32:53.200
like, I don't know, preemptively rejecting rejection. I'll just tell myself automatically,

1419
01:32:53.200 --> 01:32:59.600
it doesn't matter. I don't care in advance of whatever. Yeah, if it doesn't work out, I don't

1420
01:32:59.600 --> 01:33:06.960
care. I don't have any, I don't have any eggs in this basket. And if, you know, if it doesn't

1421
01:33:06.960 --> 01:33:09.920
work out, then I'm not going to be disappointed. All right.

1422
01:33:09.920 --> 01:33:14.720
Because that's classic way to not get your hopes up. And if we don't get our hopes up, then,

1423
01:33:14.720 --> 01:33:18.480
you know, we can't be disappointed, which is not true. Because you're still disappointed,

1424
01:33:18.480 --> 01:33:25.440
because you really do care. Absolutely. Right. Okay, that's good. And just for the sake of time,

1425
01:33:25.440 --> 01:33:30.560
Jane, go ahead and go. And I think Marcy had her hand up and then we'll be done guys for tonight.

1426
01:33:30.560 --> 01:33:34.800
And then we're going to go into your new homework sheets. I'm going to get them up earlier because,

1427
01:33:34.800 --> 01:33:40.800
you know, our sister, Carly asked for them to be up earlier. So I'm going to get them up

1428
01:33:40.800 --> 01:33:45.440
earlier for you guys. But we're going to really, you guys, we're building here. So you're not not,

1429
01:33:45.440 --> 01:33:51.680
you're not not double negative paying attention to control to where you're not surrendered. You

1430
01:33:51.680 --> 01:33:55.360
know, things will continue to come up just because it didn't come up in the week that we talked about

1431
01:33:55.360 --> 01:33:59.440
it doesn't mean it's not going to come up. Okay. And these counterfeits, you're going to continue

1432
01:33:59.440 --> 01:34:03.760
to notice them more and more and more. I want you to be journaling. I want you to be writing things

1433
01:34:03.760 --> 01:34:09.200
down. I want you to be asking Holy Spirit to teach you, show you, heal, you, grow you. All right.

1434
01:34:09.200 --> 01:34:16.400
And so as we add on how we're sabotaging and how it's costing us, we should still be revisiting

1435
01:34:16.400 --> 01:34:24.240
all of this together. Okay, go ahead, Jane. And not exactly sure what this one is called,

1436
01:34:24.240 --> 01:34:30.000
but I noticed it coming up lately. I mean, just for the past few months, it's more,

1437
01:34:32.320 --> 01:34:37.600
I think it's more than, and part of it might be the fixer, but having to have answers and not have

1438
01:34:37.600 --> 01:34:43.280
needs, but not around everyone. I have friends I can have needs with, but, but just overall,

1439
01:34:43.280 --> 01:34:49.680
I noticed there's something there. I think it hit me a couple months ago. I just thought,

1440
01:34:49.680 --> 01:34:55.600
Oh, what all of a sudden it just came to mind like, I have no control over me coming to Jesus for

1441
01:34:55.600 --> 01:34:59.920
salvation. I'm totally dependent upon him. And I thought, Oh, when I die, I have no,

1442
01:35:05.160 --> 01:35:08.800
there's some things I try to I

1443
01:35:08.800 --> 01:35:15.840
Don't think I have to project or whatever like no needs or something like that to certain people

1444
01:35:15.840 --> 01:35:22.840
That's wrong where it got saying none of that none of that matters. You know, there's no righteousness on my own

1445
01:35:22.840 --> 01:35:29.040
So I love that don't you love what she's saying. She's saying that, you know, I have no control over this

1446
01:35:29.040 --> 01:35:33.200
I just have to trust him, but there's these other areas where I'm still trying to control

1447
01:35:33.200 --> 01:35:39.360
You know, instead of applying what I already know to be true and that is you know, I'm not in control

1448
01:35:39.360 --> 01:35:44.720
God is I'm I he is God and I am not so

1449
01:35:44.720 --> 01:35:50.360
So you guys we're gonna get a great balance between the part that we play and the part that God plays as we go on in

1450
01:35:50.360 --> 01:35:53.160
This 12 weeks, so that's gonna be a really powerful for a lot of you

1451
01:35:53.160 --> 01:35:56.200
And then Marcy did you have something you wanted to say before we sign off?

1452
01:35:56.920 --> 01:36:06.000
No, I just when I raised my hand hand my M zoom just raised my hand for me. Okay, but um, yeah

1453
01:36:06.000 --> 01:36:10.040
I don't have anything else to add other than you know, I do struggle

1454
01:36:10.040 --> 01:36:16.320
I do but didn't see it to be the wall and it's more when I'm in front of a large group of people

1455
01:36:16.320 --> 01:36:23.600
So, okay, so it's more in crowds or it's more in groups of people that you feel like you kind of wall off. Yes

1456
01:36:24.120 --> 01:36:29.080
Yeah, okay. All right. Well, let's dig into that father. God. I thank you for your sons and daughters

1457
01:36:29.080 --> 01:36:35.320
I thank you for your son and your daughters lord and that you have brought them here to show them things that are sabotaging

1458
01:36:35.320 --> 01:36:41.480
The good plans that you have for them the things that are in the way the things that may be in your way of giving them what it is

1459
01:36:41.480 --> 01:36:47.320
They're praying for and asking for I pray that you would show them lord as we go forward the part that they have to play

1460
01:36:47.320 --> 01:36:52.600
Which is minimal compared to the part that you have to play and that you're always faithful to play your part

1461
01:36:52.600 --> 01:36:56.280
God that they're not waiting on you that you're not holding out on them

1462
01:36:56.280 --> 01:37:05.640
They they're not sitting in some dusty waiting room just waiting until they're ready or perfect or fully prepared lord that you will forge them as they forge ahead

1463
01:37:05.640 --> 01:37:10.600
And so lord, we believe that we receive that and we're asking god for super natural

1464
01:37:10.600 --> 01:37:16.280
Confirmations of everything that we're learning here whether it's dreams whether it's daydreams nightdreams whether it's

1465
01:37:17.160 --> 01:37:20.200
Words and you know as we're reading in your word logos

1466
01:37:20.200 --> 01:37:24.440
Rama word god as we're hearing other people speak about you

1467
01:37:24.440 --> 01:37:26.680
Whether it's

1468
01:37:26.680 --> 01:37:33.960
Conversations that we're having with therapists and counselors or other groups that we may be in that you continue to highlight the things that you're showing us

1469
01:37:33.960 --> 01:37:38.120
And growing us in as we go forward together in jesus name amen

1470
01:37:38.120 --> 01:37:44.360
All right friends show up in the group show up in the group in the facebook group post get to know each other

1471
01:37:44.760 --> 01:37:48.200
This is a place of a real vulnerability and it is a safe place

1472
01:37:48.200 --> 01:37:52.920
And I really want to encourage you to do that because the more that you do that the more free that you're going to get

1473
01:37:52.920 --> 01:37:56.760
All right, this is kind of a test sort of in a way of vulnerability

1474
01:37:56.760 --> 01:38:01.960
And it's not me giving the test. I believe that god divinely chose all of you to be here

1475
01:38:01.960 --> 01:38:07.560
And I feel like the more that you are free to be me so to speak not me

1476
01:38:07.560 --> 01:38:13.240
But you like say i'm free to be me the more that you're doing that in group the more free you're going to become

1477
01:38:13.640 --> 01:38:15.640
Alright, I'll see you soon. Bye-bye.