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All right, friends, I was just looking for one of your homework assignments.

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It was just such a really great example of what we're talking about here.

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Is everyone here, me clearly?

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Because I don't have that little microphone tonight.

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Is it okay? All right.

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Does it sound like I'm in a cavern?

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No, I'm not sure.

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Because I am kind of in a cavern.

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Okay. All right. Just making sure.

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All right. So welcome to week three's live coaching.

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Can you believe it? We're already at week three. What the heck?

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Time just flies by when you're having so much fun.

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And I know that the inner work part of this coaching intensive is not the most fun.

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And some of you have even expressed, Hey, I feel like I'm revisiting old haunted places.

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You know, I feel like I'm just looking for stuff that I've already been healed from.

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But here's the truth about things we've been healed from.

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We've been healed, but healing is not linear.

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Healing comes in layers.

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And oftentimes healing will be tested.

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It will be tested out in real time in real relationships.

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And I've experienced this and so many of the people that I coach have experienced this where you thought you were really over something or healed from something until you were placed into a situation that tested that specific type of healing,

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like the fear of abandonment or rejection or, you know, whatever it might be.

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And people that are single oftentimes are not tested relationally to the place where we can see whether or not the foundation is going to hold.

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It just is the truth.

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Okay, whether you know it or not, you have a lot of, you have a lot of things built around you for the most part that aren't going to allow the real testing of that foundation to happen.

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And this is why I often say to my last year single program, if you're hurt in relationship, you'll be healed in relationship hurt and family, healed in family hurt and marriage, healed in marriage, meaning that the last portions of the healing, the last layers of the healing of whatever that trauma was is going to happen within relationship if you can stay long enough to make to let that happen.

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You've got to stay long enough to let that happen. You have to open the door wide enough to let that happen. And so it's really important that we talk about this and we think about this.

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And once again, it's not something that you can test out because it can't be tested until it's tested.

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And that's why it's so important to be part of a group like this because as you're being tested and you will be in these areas that you think you're healed.

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You have other people around that can call you out if you're, you know, being triggered or whatever your blind spots are or whatever's going on that's causing you to self sabotage.

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And that is what this week is all about. This week is all about self tap sabotage.

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We want to see as best we can, because once again, remember, it's you looking at it. And that's why coaching comes into play. And for those of you that are just in the intensive portion of this, you're only in the group coaching.

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That's where you each other come into play. And that's why it's so important to post in that group.

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That group is there for all of you to get peer feedback. Yeah, you're going to get coach feedback.

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As you can see, I'm going to really extensively reply to everything that you guys put down according to our 12 week framework.

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And according to the questionnaire that you filled out, even though some of you have not had a one on one with me yet, everyone in this whole group will have one one on one with me and then there are other people that have higher levels of private coaching.

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But everyone will have a one on one. And even if you haven't have that yet, I have your questionnaire. And so when you ask a question in the main Facebook page, I'm going to answer it based on what I know about you based on your questionnaire, what you've shared in this group and also what you're sharing in your question.

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And also the 12 week framework that I know where I'm taking you make sense.

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And so for those of you that have higher levels of coaching, take advantage of it.

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If you have higher levels of access, like Marco Polo, take advantage of it because if

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you don't, then you don't.

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And I talked about this at the beginning of in our orientation.

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I said, listen, I can't show up for you.

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The one thing that I can't do is show up for you, but I can tell you that I'm a very

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gifted coach in this area, I've helped almost 2000 people get out of their own way, get

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out of God's way and step into their love stories and counting, and counting.

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I have an entire inbox right now full of engagement announcements and wedding invitations and

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all different types of stuff.

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It's truly supernatural, the work that we do here.

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I can't take credit for the wisdom and the revelation that I have in this area, but

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I can tell you that it's real.

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There is a true tipping point available for you here and there isn't any reason why you

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should leave this 12 weeks, not completely different than you came in.

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So let's get to tonight's coaching because I have you for an hour and I want to make

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sure that I'm reinforcing the ideas that need to be known in order for you to do your worksheets

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and then show up on Thursday, ready to be coached or show up in the group, ready to

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be coached or show up on Marco Polo, ready to be coached.

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Every single one of us does a lot of things every single day.

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We have all kinds of behaviors and all of our behaviors, every single one of your behaviors.

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Even if it's a behavior that's on autopilot, like you get up and you brush your teeth,

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doesn't matter what it is, all of the action that you take in life, all the behaviors stem

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from a place of identity, all of them, every single thing that you do comes from something

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that you believe.

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Do you believe that?

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For instance, you believe that if you don't brush your teeth, that you're going to be

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a yolk mouth.

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Remember that?

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Does anyone remember that when we were kids, they call me yolk mouth.

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We're all old enough maybe except for Hannah to know what I'm talking about right now.

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It was an after school like special that they did for kids.

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Okay.

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So that's why you brush your teeth because somewhere somebody told you that in order

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to be a person of hygiene, in order to be someone who's clean, in order to be someone

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who doesn't have cavities or dental problems, in order to be someone that someone else wants

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to kiss someday, you have to brush your teeth.

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You got to floss your teeth.

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You might go even one step further.

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You might be a flosser.

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You're flossing in the morning.

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You're flossing after lunch.

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You're flossing.

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Anyone floss a lot?

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You're a flosser.

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You floss.

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You have great dental hygiene.

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You floss a lot.

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Okay.

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I floss sometimes usually once a day, but only usually because there's something stuck in

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my teeth and my husband's like, "Hey babe, you got some green stuff in your teeth and

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then I'll get one of those little flossers out and floss."

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Okay.

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So we do that behavior because we believe something and that belief has caused us to

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have a certain identity and that identity is then feeding into that behavior and hopefully

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we'll have that outcome.

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So look at it like this.

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We have the belief or the root, the identity, the behavior or the action and then the outcome

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or the fruit.

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This is why changing fruit, trying to fake it till you make it doesn't work.

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You can't just get ahold of fruit.

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All the fruit is, is that I'm unhealthy or I'm overweight or whatever.

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Okay.

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I'm just going to focus on that.

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I'm just going to focus on not being fat.

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I'm just going to focus on not being this or not being that.

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No, you can't.

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You have to step it all the way back and find out why do I have this fruit in my life?

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Oh, because I emotionally eat.

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I'm binging all the time on carbs and sweets.

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Okay.

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That's the action.

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That's the behavior.

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But what's the identity and then what's the belief or the fruit or the root?

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Make sense?

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How you can walk back.

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You can walk back every single fruit that you don't like in your life right now.

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Every single outcome that's going on in your life, whether it's your wealth, whether it's

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your health, whether it's your relationships, whether it's, you know, your self talk, whether

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it doesn't matter, whether it's your relationship with God as well, relationship with yourself,

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God, others, all the things that you don't like in your life, whether it's your relationship

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with your boss, whether it's just your job, just in general, whatever it is that you do

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not really love about your life and you wish was different.

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You can walk that fruit or that outcome back and you can find.

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Now does that mean that it's magically going to change just because you know? No, it doesn't mean

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that. We can't erase. We have to replace. And next week, we're going to talk about in real time,

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we're going to do an autopsy of all your relationships. You guys, we're about to get into the nitty

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gritty. You think these first three weeks, these first three weeks have just been building a

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foundation. They've just been getting us ready. Prime in the pump, getting ready to go. But starting

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next week, we're going to actually start putting this into real time. We're going to see how it's

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affected our relationships. Okay, if you haven't had a romantic relationship, then your friendships,

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then your other relationships outside of, you know, romance, whether it's your family, whether it's

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your children, whether it's your friends, whether it's community, we're going to do a relationship

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autopsy next week with this, with these first three weeks and see how you're showing up in real time.

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But I asked you to surrender control, supernatural surrender, then I asked you to take a look with

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Holy Spirit about how to catch the counterfeits. What are they catching them meaning? I want to

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see what they are. I want to get honest with myself and see how it is that I'm showing up when I

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am not in control, when things are not going my way, when I'm afraid, I'm in fear of some sort.

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And now we're looking at how is that sabotaging us? What is we looked at the root, the belief,

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the identity. Now we're looking at the behavior. And next week during the relationship autopsy,

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we're going to look at the outcome. Okay, because oftentimes the outcome will reinforce the original

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belief. Let me give you an example. My dad left when I was six months old, just abandoned the family.

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My mom was only 20 years old. She already had one child, my brother, who's only 18 months older

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than me that she had at 18. Now she was a married woman. She got married at 18, had my brother,

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and then 18 months later had me. And then when I was six months old, dad said, "Peace out." And he

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didn't come back. And so that thrust her into working two jobs is the 70s, you guys, the late 70s.

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So working two jobs, doing the thing, trying to make it happen, all the stuff. And so obviously,

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we were left with lots of questionable people, really sketched childhood, all kinds of crazy

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stuff ensued. And then in the 70s, a lot of women just, "Ah, I can't make it happen financially.

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Let me find a man." Back then, every woman's financial plan pretty much was a man. There were

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some feminists, but for the most part, women were still trying to find a man to help them with

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their money issues. Okay? And so a couple different marriages, three marriages before I was 10

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years old. And what happened? A belief system started in Little Jackie, a belief system of men

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are no good, men can't be trusted, men don't take care of their business, fathers abandon,

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all these things started happening. A belief system started forming inside of me,

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concerning the idea of father, men in general, but father specifically. Okay? And who else is a

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father? This is a father, right? And so I didn't know him at all yet. And so he doesn't come into

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the play. He doesn't come into play yet. All right? So that forms an identity of just fatherlessness.

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I was just a fatherless daughter, just out here trying to do my own thing, trying to make it,

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trying to make it happen, make it work. I had to grow up really fast because my mom was pretty much

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a wreck. And the men that she married were all no good, all abusive situations. And so out of that

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fatherless identity, they're started becoming very independent behavior. I can't trust anyone.

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No one's going to protect me. I'm going to have to protect myself. I'm going to have to make things

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happen for myself. And so the behavior that came out of that was all kinds of things.

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All kinds of bad behavior doesn't have to be one behavior friends. It can be like a splintering

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of behaviors. And so all types of rebellious behavior, independent behavior started coming out of that

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dishonest behavior, all different types of behaviors started stemming from that belief system.

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And eventually the fruit of that was that I didn't have good relationships either with men,

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that I didn't trust men, and that I didn't choose good men either. Do you see how all of that

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fully matured in my life? Now all of us have these, and you guys, it doesn't have to be as

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dramatic at that is that in fact, a lot of times the ones that are not dramatic are the ones that

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are sabotaging us the most. The real dramatic ones are really not that hard to see, are they?

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If we're going to do an inner healing session, that would be the first go to. And this is why I

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don't want you digging around looking for your big tea traumas because your big tea traumas are

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easy to spot. This is why I want you during this entire process to be leaning in with me here,

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but also leaning in with God and saying, Hey, you know, I do have a lot of stuff in my life that

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didn't go according to my plan that really isn't what I want and even isn't what I thought you promised

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me. So kind of what

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by something that was out of agreement with your kingdom caused me to start having an identity

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that was less than my kingdom identity and along with it the behaviors and the outcomes. Make sense

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for everyone? Okay. Do you know that this could have just been happened to you by culture as well?

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Yeah, I know we're always like, oh, you know, we're born into the curse. Yeah. Okay. But here's

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the thing. You're also born into a culture that has lots of beliefs that have been put upon you.

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And this is where that kind of little tea trauma comes into effect. Ever since you were a little

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child, depending on what decade you were born in 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s. We have 80s babies here too.

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Okay. 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, any 90s babies? 90s? Oh yeah, Angie. Angie, were you born in the 90s?

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Me Angie? No, 80s. Okay. 80s. I was like, wait, is your, are you as young as my kids? Okay.

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All right. So depending on what decade we were born in, there's just all kinds of stuff going on

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when we were kids. And this is one we're most formative, right? So there's all kinds of TV

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shows. There's all kinds of movies or stuff going on in your origin family and those relationships

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or stuff being talked about by your peers at school. There's all different things that are

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shaping who you are, even though that's not who you are, right? Whether you were popular,

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whether you're rejected, whether you were cool or not cool, depending on the decade.

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I mean, you know, knowing what we know now, we could all go back and be cool because we know

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how to do it. But back then, we didn't know how to do it. We didn't know what our peers wanted

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from us in that decade or in that generation or some of us did. Some of us were really just

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too cool for school. We knew, we knew how to be cool with other people. We had that,

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you know, foreknowledge of that. That's cool. But the bottom line is, is that regardless of whether

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you did it really well or you didn't do it well, it still formed these other counterfeit personalities.

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Okay. And I was looking for, I wanted to see, have a really good example of this in one of your

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homework assignments. Let me just find it real quick because it's really good. And hopefully,

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none of you, this is all posted publicly. So I wouldn't think that you guys would have any problem

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with it being used as an example. Okay. Okay. Is it Amber? Let me see. She's like, oh no. Is it me?

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Okay. Let's see.

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Here it is. Who is it?

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Shoot, guys. I had it.

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Okay. We're drawing it. I don't see it. All right. There was a really, really, really good one.

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Let me see if it's up a little higher here in my notes.

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Nope. All right. Anyway, hopefully you guys see this with all of the things that you are posting

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in the, in the group and also the homework that you're doing. Hopefully you're seeing that.

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And if you did the worksheets, they are available. They are up in the portal. If you did them,

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great. We're going to go over those on Thursday. All right. So last week, we caught the counterfeit.

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And the reason why we care is because identity doesn't stay in our heads. We play it out. Identity

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always produces behavior. So you can say, and here's, this is my, this is my, this is kind of my

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magnum opus of this teaching because you guys, this is hard work 101 for those of you that have

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been through last for single. This is just a different version or a different way to do

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hard work. But the bottom line is, is it really doesn't matter what you say. It matters what you do.

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You can say whatever you want. And it's not that I don't love declarations. I do love declarations.

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And I think that you should write them down. And I think,

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and you should declare them of yourself.

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But it doesn't mean they're going to change your life.

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It doesn't.

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Because if you're not getting to the root of the behavior

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that is in opposition of that declaration,

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then the declaration isn't going to magically make you go away.

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Bippity-boppity-boo.

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That's not going to happen.

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And I know this because I lived it.

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I lived it in my own life.

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Remember, I'm the hard work.

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I'm patient zero of the hard work.

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Don't ever forget that.

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I'm patient zero.

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So you can say something like, I'm worthy of a healthy love story.

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I'm worthy of a good man.

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I'm worthy of a good woman.

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You can say whatever you want to.

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But if underneath that declaration,

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you believe that you're not.

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If you believe that people eventually leave you,

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that people don't find you worthy, that people don't want to stay,

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I had some of the other day tell me that they believed.

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This is their true belief that people didn't want to deeply know them.

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This was based on their experience.

250
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It was based on a belief that they had.

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Nobody wants to know me.

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And the reason why was because they are a very highly emotional person.

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I even want to say that they could be considered emotionally high

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00:21:27.840 --> 00:21:31.160
maintenance, this person.

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And they felt like relationship with them was overwhelming for other people.

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And you know what?

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They're not wrong.

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But let me ask you a question.

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Can relationship with someone who is emotionally overwhelming?

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Because they haven't learned how to regulate their nervous system.

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And they're trying to regulate it through other people.

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They're trying to regulate it through things that aren't working.

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Is relationship like that, is it can it be overwhelming?

264
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And can people want to maybe kind of pull away because they're overwhelmed?

265
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But also deeply want to know you.

266
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Could it be both hands?

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They can.

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They might wish that they had the bandwidth to deeply know you.

269
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They might really, truly care about you.

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But because you're not taking care of your own mental health,

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because you are not doing the work that it takes to regulate yourself,

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you become this person that is too much.

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I can tell you from experience because I coach a lot of people.

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And I'm with a lot of people that the average person does not have high

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capacity for high drama.

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Does that mean you're never going to have drama?

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No.

278
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Does that mean that you're not allowed to be upset?

279
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No.

280
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It doesn't mean any of those things.

281
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It just means that she said that her truth was nobody wants to deeply know me.

282
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That was her belief.

283
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And guess what? Her behavior was pushing people away with her dysregulation.

284
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And then the outcome was people were pulling away because they were overwhelmed.

285
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And the outcome does what?

286
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It reinforces the initial belief, doesn't it?

287
00:23:38.720 --> 00:23:47.560
Nobody wants to get to know, no one wants to love me and my children for single parents.

288
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Nobody wants to love me and my children.

289
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OK.

290
00:23:52.280 --> 00:23:55.240
Let's talk about them kids for a minute.

291
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How you been parenting them?

292
00:23:56.680 --> 00:24:05.360
Seriously, I've had lots of single mom show up and be like, you know,

293
00:24:05.360 --> 00:24:10.200
no guys want to, you know, want to date me because I have kids.

294
00:24:10.200 --> 00:24:11.960
No, that's not why.

295
00:24:11.960 --> 00:24:15.040
Now, there are men out there that simply do not want to date a woman with kids.

296
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They don't care who you are.

297
00:24:16.040 --> 00:24:18.600
They're not going to give you a chance to get to know you and that's fine.

298
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They're not your person.

299
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We don't care about those people.

300
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What we care about is that there is someone out there who has no problem

301
00:24:26.240 --> 00:24:27.920
getting to know a mother with kids.

302
00:24:27.920 --> 00:24:32.360
Now, do they want to know a mother with bad kids, with kids that are not being taught

303
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or not being trained?

304
00:24:34.000 --> 00:24:37.960
Do they want to get involved with a woman who's got a crazy situation going on

305
00:24:37.960 --> 00:24:40.120
with her former husband because of lack of boundaries?

306
00:24:40.120 --> 00:24:41.960
No.

307
00:24:41.960 --> 00:24:46.600
But that's a whole different circus, isn't it?

308
00:24:46.600 --> 00:24:47.960
That's a whole different thing then.

309
00:24:47.960 --> 00:24:49.240
Nobody wants to get no one.

310
00:24:49.240 --> 00:24:52.080
No one's going to love me because I have children.

311
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That's not true.

312
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That's not the real problem here.

313
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The problem isn't the problem.

314
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OK.

315
00:25:03.320 --> 00:25:06.520
What I say I believe versus what I actually believe.

316
00:25:06.520 --> 00:25:08.920
Remember, if you want to know what you actually believe,

317
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watch your behavior, catch the counterfeit,

318
00:25:12.320 --> 00:25:14.160
and what the counterfeit does.

319
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Not just the counterfeit identity,

320
00:25:15.560 --> 00:25:19.600
but what it does if you want to know what you really believe.

321
00:25:19.600 --> 00:25:25.240
The right person won't require me to chase them.

322
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Here's what I say.

323
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Well, the right man's not going to require me to chase him.

324
00:25:28.760 --> 00:25:30.200
He's going to pursue me.

325
00:25:30.200 --> 00:25:33.200
But what you actually believe is,

326
00:25:33.200 --> 00:25:35.600
is that if you don't keep the connection going,

327
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you're going to lose it.

328
00:25:36.680 --> 00:25:40.800
You think that the right man is the person

329
00:25:40.800 --> 00:25:43.520
who is going to, you don't have to chase.

330
00:25:43.520 --> 00:25:48.000
And yet, every time you get into a relationship

331
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or a pseudo-relationship with someone,

332
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you get anxiously attached.

333
00:25:51.480 --> 00:25:54.560
You start obsessing, you start having limerence,

334
00:25:54.560 --> 00:25:58.320
you start thinking that if you're not perfect,

335
00:25:58.320 --> 00:25:59.640
if you don't do it all right,

336
00:25:59.640 --> 00:26:01.120
if you don't keep the connection going,

337
00:26:01.120 --> 00:26:02.480
if you don't keep the fire burning,

338
00:26:02.480 --> 00:26:03.840
then it's going to go out.

339
00:26:03.840 --> 00:26:06.400
That's what your behavior says.

340
00:26:06.400 --> 00:26:08.960
Your mouth says this, but your behavior says that.

341
00:26:08.960 --> 00:26:12.400
So what does a behavior look like

342
00:26:12.400 --> 00:26:14.440
for someone who's doing this?

343
00:26:14.440 --> 00:26:17.160
They're initiating, they're sending the text,

344
00:26:17.160 --> 00:26:19.600
they're over-explaining, they're checking in,

345
00:26:19.600 --> 00:26:21.800
they're monitoring with hyper-vigilance,

346
00:26:21.800 --> 00:26:25.360
any change in the person's demeanor towards them.

347
00:26:25.360 --> 00:26:26.400
Did I say something wrong?

348
00:26:26.400 --> 00:26:28.080
Are you upset with me?

349
00:26:28.080 --> 00:26:29.880
Things don't feel as exciting as they did before.

350
00:26:29.880 --> 00:26:31.560
Are you starting to not like me anymore?

351
00:26:31.560 --> 00:26:33.400
Just all the things.

352
00:26:33.400 --> 00:26:35.800
They make themselves more available.

353
00:26:35.800 --> 00:26:38.080
They settle for very low efforts

354
00:26:38.080 --> 00:26:40.520
on the part of the other person.

355
00:26:40.520 --> 00:26:42.600
They're constantly trying to connect,

356
00:26:42.600 --> 00:26:44.200
regardless of whether the other person

357
00:26:44.200 --> 00:26:45.640
is meeting them halfway.

358
00:26:45.640 --> 00:26:48.720
And this behavior tells us what they really believe.

359
00:26:48.720 --> 00:26:54.000
They really believe that no one is going to connect

360
00:26:54.000 --> 00:26:56.240
with them unless they do all the heavy lifting.

361
00:26:57.240 --> 00:27:00.320
They got to make it really easy for that person,

362
00:27:00.320 --> 00:27:03.160
otherwise that person's not going to do it.

363
00:27:03.160 --> 00:27:04.960
And then maybe not.

364
00:27:04.960 --> 00:27:06.360
Okay.

365
00:27:06.360 --> 00:27:07.200
All right.

366
00:27:07.200 --> 00:27:10.480
Everyone's clocking, right?

367
00:27:10.480 --> 00:27:14.000
As Justin Bieber would say, "Everyone's clocking."

368
00:27:14.000 --> 00:27:14.840
Are you clocking this?

369
00:27:14.840 --> 00:27:15.840
Yes, okay.

370
00:27:15.840 --> 00:27:21.360
My kids, I don't know what to say.

371
00:27:21.360 --> 00:27:23.520
I'm the mother of Gen Z.

372
00:27:23.520 --> 00:27:25.000
All right.

373
00:27:25.000 --> 00:27:28.520
So the root is what I really believe.

374
00:27:28.520 --> 00:27:30.080
It doesn't matter what I say.

375
00:27:30.080 --> 00:27:32.480
The root is what I really believe.

376
00:27:32.480 --> 00:27:36.960
The identity is who I become because I believe it.

377
00:27:36.960 --> 00:27:39.680
This is what I become because I believe it.

378
00:27:39.680 --> 00:27:42.000
I just talked about someone who is saying that,

379
00:27:42.000 --> 00:27:43.640
"Oh, I'm not going to chase a man."

380
00:27:43.640 --> 00:27:46.320
But because of their belief

381
00:27:46.320 --> 00:27:48.400
that connection originates with them,

382
00:27:48.400 --> 00:27:51.160
they're going to become an anxious, attached person.

383
00:27:51.160 --> 00:27:53.400
That's their identity, someone who's anxiously attached.

384
00:27:53.400 --> 00:27:55.320
And their behavior is going to be all the things

385
00:27:55.320 --> 00:27:57.320
that I already listed out to you.

386
00:27:57.320 --> 00:28:00.040
So the identity is who I become because I believe that.

387
00:28:00.040 --> 00:28:03.960
And the behavior is what that version of me does.

388
00:28:03.960 --> 00:28:05.880
And this is where it gets really important.

389
00:28:05.880 --> 00:28:07.480
You can have a lot of different people

390
00:28:07.480 --> 00:28:08.680
living inside of you.

391
00:28:08.680 --> 00:28:16.960
You can be really healthy in one area of your life.

392
00:28:16.960 --> 00:28:19.680
You can have healthy beliefs and healthy identity

393
00:28:19.680 --> 00:28:22.200
and healthy behavior and healthy outcomes.

394
00:28:22.200 --> 00:28:25.840
And in other areas, you can be tore up from the floor up.

395
00:28:25.840 --> 00:28:31.560
You might say, "Jackie, how does this happen?"

396
00:28:31.560 --> 00:28:32.840
Well, I'm glad you asked

397
00:28:32.840 --> 00:28:36.480
because you guys, we are multifaceted people.

398
00:28:36.480 --> 00:28:39.720
We don't just have one area of our lives.

399
00:28:39.720 --> 00:28:43.680
We don't just have one part of our heart.

400
00:28:43.680 --> 00:28:49.240
You have had all kinds of different experiences

401
00:28:49.240 --> 00:28:53.200
in all different areas of your heart and of your life.

402
00:28:53.200 --> 00:28:57.480
For instance, this is how nuanced it can be.

403
00:28:57.480 --> 00:28:58.560
This is why it's so important.

404
00:28:58.560 --> 00:28:59.800
This is how nuanced it can be.

405
00:28:59.800 --> 00:29:01.280
You can be really good.

406
00:29:01.280 --> 00:29:02.960
Like, let's take the area of relationships.

407
00:29:02.960 --> 00:29:04.040
So you would think, "Oh yeah, well,

408
00:29:04.040 --> 00:29:05.080
if I'm bad at relationships,

409
00:29:05.080 --> 00:29:06.200
I'm bad at all of them," right?

410
00:29:06.200 --> 00:29:07.680
No.

411
00:29:07.680 --> 00:29:10.720
You can be really, really good at friendship.

412
00:29:10.720 --> 00:29:12.000
You're a great friend.

413
00:29:12.000 --> 00:29:16.000
You believe in the power of friendship.

414
00:29:16.000 --> 00:29:18.440
You believe that you're a great friend.

415
00:29:18.440 --> 00:29:21.720
Your identity is that you are a great friend

416
00:29:21.720 --> 00:29:23.080
in whatever that means to you.

417
00:29:23.080 --> 00:29:25.880
And your behavior is the behavior of a great friend,

418
00:29:25.880 --> 00:29:29.120
not a giver, not a toxic giver, not a doormat.

419
00:29:29.120 --> 00:29:30.120
No, a great friend.

420
00:29:30.120 --> 00:29:32.760
And to me, a great friend is a reciprocal relationship.

421
00:29:32.760 --> 00:29:34.280
You know how to have boundaries.

422
00:29:34.280 --> 00:29:35.960
You know how to do friendship.

423
00:29:35.960 --> 00:29:37.200
It's beautiful.

424
00:29:37.200 --> 00:29:41.840
But your relationship or your mentality

425
00:29:41.840 --> 00:29:45.160
or your identity as a daughter, terrible.

426
00:29:45.160 --> 00:29:48.720
As a sister, total trash.

427
00:29:48.720 --> 00:29:54.880
As a employee or as a appear,

428
00:29:54.880 --> 00:29:56.120
like, you know, not a friend,

429
00:29:56.120 --> 00:29:59.960
but like an acquaintance, like a co-worker or romance.

430
00:30:08.840 --> 00:30:15.480
friend, because you weren't obviously wounded in friendship. You have good belief systems

431
00:30:15.480 --> 00:30:23.240
in friendship for whatever reason. But in some of these other areas, you don't. I used

432
00:30:23.240 --> 00:30:27.400
to know a woman. She was an incredible woman. She's no longer on the earth. She's in heaven.

433
00:30:27.400 --> 00:30:39.200
But she had a horrible time working. Every time she would go to work anywhere and she

434
00:30:39.200 --> 00:30:42.520
only had a couple of jobs in her life, like, you know, because she'd stay long periods

435
00:30:42.520 --> 00:30:52.200
of time, she was always convinced that there was someone at work that was out to get her.

436
00:30:52.200 --> 00:30:57.360
Now the context that I knew her in is she was my former mother-in-law, and she was

437
00:30:57.360 --> 00:31:01.400
an amazing mother-in-law. You know, with the whole big joke, mother-in-laws are terrible

438
00:31:01.400 --> 00:31:05.040
and all that stuff. No, she was an amazing mother-in-law. She loved me so well. She was

439
00:31:05.040 --> 00:31:11.040
so wonderful. She was an amazing mother to my former husband. She was the church organist.

440
00:31:11.040 --> 00:31:15.080
She was an amazing friend. She had lots of friends, all the things. But when it came to

441
00:31:15.080 --> 00:31:19.520
her employment for whatever reason, and it wasn't like, "Oh, you know, maybe she just

442
00:31:19.520 --> 00:31:24.880
really had a really terrible person that she worked with." No friends. This happened

443
00:31:24.880 --> 00:31:33.440
every time. That's what we call pattern, isn't it? Somewhere inside of her, there was

444
00:31:33.440 --> 00:31:39.880
a belief when it came to working somewhere that people were trying to sabotage her or

445
00:31:39.880 --> 00:31:45.000
they were out to get her for some reason. You know, it's even weirder about that? She

446
00:31:45.000 --> 00:31:50.800
passed that belief down to her daughter. Her daughter was probably a couple of years older

447
00:31:50.800 --> 00:31:56.820
than me. My former sister-in-law, every single place that she ever worked, she also had some

448
00:31:56.820 --> 00:32:07.560
sort of vendetta going on against her from a coworker. Just because you believe it doesn't

449
00:32:07.560 --> 00:32:17.520
make it true, but if you believe it, it kind of makes it true. It might not really relatively

450
00:32:17.520 --> 00:32:24.480
be true, but it makes it true to you. Then what happens? We have the identity of someone

451
00:32:24.480 --> 00:32:30.600
who is being targeted, and then we have the behavior of that person, and then the outcome

452
00:32:30.600 --> 00:32:38.760
of that. Does anyone seeing anything right now? Raise your hand if you're seeing anything

453
00:32:38.760 --> 00:32:44.240
about a situation yourself, maybe even someone that you know, you're starting to really catch

454
00:32:44.240 --> 00:33:05.920
hold of this process. I'm not trying to beat a dead horse. I get the most of you understand

455
00:33:05.920 --> 00:33:10.280
this process, but I just want to show it to you in other areas besides just relationships

456
00:33:10.280 --> 00:33:13.800
because I think it's important, but really honestly, we have relationship with all the

457
00:33:13.800 --> 00:33:16.800
things I'm going to talk about. You have a relationship with money, a relationship

458
00:33:16.800 --> 00:33:21.600
with work, you have a relationship with these things. Just quickly, let's just run through

459
00:33:21.600 --> 00:33:28.440
these. Money, I can say that I believe that there's always more where that came from.

460
00:33:28.440 --> 00:33:32.760
When it comes to money, I can say that I don't have a scarcity issue. I can say that I believe

461
00:33:32.760 --> 00:33:38.800
that there's always more, but the real belief is there might not be enough. Maybe came from

462
00:33:38.800 --> 00:33:43.600
a poor family where you had to wear hand-me-downs and there was never enough food for seconds

463
00:33:43.600 --> 00:33:51.000
on the table or whatever, but I say I believe there's always more. My real belief is there

464
00:33:51.000 --> 00:33:59.480
might not be enough and that creates an identity of scarcity and maybe even control. Then my

465
00:33:59.480 --> 00:34:04.560
behavior is what? All kinds of different things. I could obsessively check my checking account,

466
00:34:04.560 --> 00:34:09.679
making sure that it's not getting hacked or I can have difficulty spending money even

467
00:34:09.679 --> 00:34:19.239
if I really need to spend it. I can overspend money just to get back to that broke feeling

468
00:34:19.239 --> 00:34:23.280
that I grew up around. This is one thing that people don't understand. They're like, "Oh,

469
00:34:23.280 --> 00:34:27.679
if you have a scarcity mentality, then you would always just like hoard your money." No,

470
00:34:27.679 --> 00:34:33.679
that's not true. The counterfeit that can be created there is also someone who's irresponsible

471
00:34:33.679 --> 00:34:38.000
with money and has always broke because of their irresponsibility not because there's

472
00:34:38.000 --> 00:34:43.960
not enough money. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy of there isn't enough. Isn't that

473
00:34:43.960 --> 00:34:50.840
crazy? But it happens. It happens. You guys, when you all get into serious relationship,

474
00:34:50.840 --> 00:34:58.400
we really go over this very, very, very deeply in our Simbus class. Make sure you take Simbus

475
00:34:58.400 --> 00:35:00.000
because you want to know the fine.

476
00:35:04.680 --> 00:35:07.080
want to know what their belief is around money, trust me, you

477
00:35:07.080 --> 00:35:11.000
do. Okay. All right. So that can be, can anyone think of

478
00:35:11.000 --> 00:35:13.760
anything else that could become a behavior if you believe in

479
00:35:13.760 --> 00:35:16.880
scarcity, go ahead and put it in the chat, or you can unmute

480
00:35:16.880 --> 00:35:23.680
yourself to what else could be a counterfeit or a behavior of a

481
00:35:23.680 --> 00:35:35.920
counterfeit in in relationship with money. No one has another

482
00:35:35.920 --> 00:35:37.920
example. Karen, do you have an example? You have your hand

483
00:35:37.920 --> 00:35:45.520
up? No, I was going to say hoarding. I just didn't put my

484
00:35:45.520 --> 00:35:50.600
hand down. But I say hoarding. Yeah, I'm never going to have

485
00:35:50.600 --> 00:35:55.040
enough. So I'm going to keep everything I have. Right. I might

486
00:35:55.040 --> 00:36:00.040
need this later. Got to hold on to it. Anyone ever has anyone

487
00:36:00.040 --> 00:36:03.040
else? I don't even know why Holy Spirit is bringing this to my

488
00:36:03.040 --> 00:36:07.080
mind, but it might be important for someone. Has anybody else

489
00:36:07.080 --> 00:36:15.720
ever read the book the magic of tidying up? Marie Kondo. So

490
00:36:15.720 --> 00:36:21.480
it's she's a Japanese woman and the book is just about purging.

491
00:36:21.480 --> 00:36:24.480
It's about not holding on to things that you don't need. And

492
00:36:24.480 --> 00:36:29.400
it's very powerful. It's very, very, very powerful because, you

493
00:36:29.400 --> 00:36:32.560
know, we do hold on to a lot of things that we don't need. And

494
00:36:32.560 --> 00:36:38.520
it actually causes a lot of overwhelm and clutter in our

495
00:36:38.520 --> 00:36:44.600
hearts and in our lives without us knowing it. You know, in fact, I

496
00:36:44.600 --> 00:36:47.840
don't know that I believe this, but she's a very, very, very

497
00:36:47.840 --> 00:36:51.640
organized individual. But she says that people that are highly

498
00:36:51.640 --> 00:36:55.160
organized are just structured hoarders. I think that's why that

499
00:36:55.160 --> 00:36:59.280
reminded me of that. You just have found a way to organize all

500
00:36:59.280 --> 00:37:05.680
the stuff that you should have given away. Okay. All right, let's

501
00:37:05.680 --> 00:37:08.720
see. All right. So that was the money category. Okay, work.

502
00:37:08.720 --> 00:37:13.200
Who here who here has a job? Raise your hand if you work

503
00:37:13.200 --> 00:37:15.680
somewhere or you own your own company or whatever you got

504
00:37:15.680 --> 00:37:21.480
going on. Is anyone retired at all? Anyone retired? Don't really

505
00:37:21.480 --> 00:37:24.480
have to be anywhere or do anything unless you want to?

506
00:37:24.480 --> 00:37:32.720
Yeah. Okay. Well, congratulations. We're gonna we're

507
00:37:32.720 --> 00:37:35.240
gonna refire you. You're retired. We're gonna refire you

508
00:37:35.240 --> 00:37:39.320
now. Okay. Okay, let's see, like, fire you up. Okay, so we're

509
00:37:41.320 --> 00:37:45.920
this is the example that I have here. My worth you can say that

510
00:37:45.920 --> 00:37:50.080
your value isn't based on your achievements. You can say that

511
00:37:50.080 --> 00:37:53.640
you believe that you believe in your who and not your do. You can

512
00:37:53.640 --> 00:37:59.240
say that that but you also really believe underneath that

513
00:37:59.240 --> 00:38:02.120
because of this doggy dog world that we live in that you're

514
00:38:02.120 --> 00:38:07.880
most valuable when you're producing whatever that is. In

515
00:38:07.880 --> 00:38:11.560
fact, ladies, some of us. Thank you, Holy Spirit. Some of us

516
00:38:11.560 --> 00:38:15.280
don't even see our value in the eyes of a man or even as a

517
00:38:15.280 --> 00:38:21.760
woman because we're no longer producing children. That's

518
00:38:21.760 --> 00:38:24.680
definitely for someone I want you to take a hold of that. I just

519
00:38:24.680 --> 00:38:29.200
want to let you know that men do love women beyond their child

520
00:38:29.200 --> 00:38:34.040
bearing years. Men do marry women beyond their child bearing

521
00:38:34.040 --> 00:38:38.240
years. I know that there's all of this stuff out in the media

522
00:38:38.240 --> 00:38:41.640
that talks about, you know, how men just want young women and

523
00:38:41.640 --> 00:38:44.840
men that would be you at all ages would only want a young

524
00:38:44.840 --> 00:38:49.800
woman. First of all, most old men like older men don't want to

525
00:38:49.800 --> 00:38:53.400
have kids. They don't want to have new kids, new children. They

526
00:38:53.400 --> 00:38:56.600
have grown kids. Great. Now, I'm not saying that there aren't

527
00:38:56.600 --> 00:38:59.720
really rich men that want hypergamous women, you know, they

528
00:38:59.720 --> 00:39:02.600
want a trophy wife, someone young, because it's all about a

529
00:39:02.600 --> 00:39:05.480
trophy. Remember, it's all about conquest. It's all about,

530
00:39:05.480 --> 00:39:09.240
you know, his ego. But there are lots and lots and lots of men

531
00:39:09.240 --> 00:39:13.040
that are not like that that have matured past ego that in fact,

532
00:39:13.040 --> 00:39:17.160
I think the majority of men are like I'm talking about, but it's

533
00:39:17.160 --> 00:39:22.040
these other men that get all of the media attention. They get

534
00:39:22.040 --> 00:39:24.520
all the media attention. So it's important that you remember and

535
00:39:24.520 --> 00:39:29.000
understand that you are valuable beyond your ability to

536
00:39:29.000 --> 00:39:34.520
produce a child. Jackie, can I ask a question about that?

537
00:39:34.520 --> 00:39:39.080
X, because I was thinking about this. Everyone's always talking

538
00:39:39.080 --> 00:39:41.800
about your love language. And when we're going through everything,

539
00:39:41.800 --> 00:39:45.080
I was realizing that one of my major love languages is acts of

540
00:39:45.080 --> 00:39:50.680
service. And could you just speak to that? Like, that's like

541
00:39:50.680 --> 00:39:54.440
not really healthy to think about your love language too much

542
00:39:54.440 --> 00:39:58.040
because it can kind of get into get you into the do or is there

543
00:39:58.040 --> 00:40:00.000
feel like a balance that you come up with.

544
00:40:04.160 --> 00:40:08.800
language and utilizing that? Or is this something completely different from that?

545
00:40:08.800 --> 00:40:14.000
I mean, you know, there's there's all kinds of things that we do. And I'm not specifically

546
00:40:14.000 --> 00:40:19.440
talking about, you know, our do what I'm talking about here is the work that we do on earth,

547
00:40:19.440 --> 00:40:23.360
regardless of whether that work is what regardless of whether it's spiritual,

548
00:40:23.360 --> 00:40:29.680
regardless of whether it's social, regardless of whether it's financial, you know, you might

549
00:40:29.680 --> 00:40:35.040
say my worth is not based on achieving, but you also really believe that you're only

550
00:40:35.040 --> 00:40:42.400
valuable when you're producing. And the identity here would be performer be some, some, some level

551
00:40:42.400 --> 00:40:47.040
of performance. And I think that we all struggle with this in different ways. And so Mika, we'll

552
00:40:47.040 --> 00:40:51.200
talk about maybe this more on Thursday when we're coaching, but you know, you can be performing

553
00:40:51.200 --> 00:40:55.360
love towards people, not even really feeling it, but just performing it because you believe that

554
00:40:55.360 --> 00:40:59.040
that's what's valuable, like with love languages, by the way, I think there's a lot more love

555
00:40:59.040 --> 00:41:06.080
languages than just five. And so we, you know, ways that people feel loved and ways that you,

556
00:41:06.080 --> 00:41:11.040
you know, love. And so we can talk about that on Thursday when we get kind of into some of

557
00:41:11.040 --> 00:41:16.720
these counterfeit things. But the counterfeit that we're talking about right now and the behavior

558
00:41:16.720 --> 00:41:21.600
that comes from it is performer. And then the behavior would be just over functioning, friends,

559
00:41:21.600 --> 00:41:28.480
just over functioning, can't rest. You know, you might not admit that you need recognition,

560
00:41:28.480 --> 00:41:33.520
but you only feel valued when you are achieving something when you're, you know, being recognized

561
00:41:33.520 --> 00:41:40.160
for achievement. You feel guilty when you do nothing. My new mother-in-law is like this. The

562
00:41:40.160 --> 00:41:48.480
woman cannot sit down. She's 80 something years old. I'm like, Barb, sit down. You've earned it,

563
00:41:48.480 --> 00:41:53.600
honey. You don't have to be up doing stuff for people constantly. You know, you don't have to be

564
00:41:53.600 --> 00:41:59.760
working for the church and doing this and doing that. And this is just sit up. And there's also

565
00:41:59.760 --> 00:42:05.440
people that believe, here's another belief system that can be locked onto here. Okay,

566
00:42:05.440 --> 00:42:09.280
because this is my mother-in-law's belief system. This is the reason why she can't rest. She doesn't

567
00:42:09.280 --> 00:42:13.920
need to be recognized. She's not trying to achieve anything. Her belief system that's produced this

568
00:42:13.920 --> 00:42:17.760
performance counterfeit is, if I sit down, I'm going to die.

569
00:42:22.800 --> 00:42:30.960
You know, the story that I've heard her tell me 20,000 times, my grandma retired at 65

570
00:42:30.960 --> 00:42:38.960
and she sat down and she never got back up. She didn't die. She's never got back up.

571
00:42:38.960 --> 00:42:49.120
She's became disabled, couldn't get back up. You know, just was decrepit,

572
00:42:50.400 --> 00:42:54.720
just deteriorated. I'm never going to let that happen to me. You know, I'm just going to

573
00:42:54.720 --> 00:43:01.920
keep moving, keep on moving, don't stop. Keep swimming, right? This is what, this is what, so do you see how

574
00:43:01.920 --> 00:43:10.560
that's the root? That's the belief. The belief has created the same counterfeit as a performer,

575
00:43:10.560 --> 00:43:17.280
as someone who wants to achieve for recognition. It's the same counterfeit. The doer, the performer,

576
00:43:18.080 --> 00:43:23.200
the over-functioner, different root, same fruit.

577
00:43:23.200 --> 00:43:32.640
Okay. All the mother-in-laws are being used as examples here. I've never done that before,

578
00:43:32.640 --> 00:43:42.080
but here we are. Okay. I have friendship as one of the examples too. You know, I talked about how

579
00:43:42.080 --> 00:43:46.800
you can do with friendship. It's really good, but how about this? You say that you believe that

580
00:43:46.800 --> 00:43:52.240
friendships are reciprocal, which means you give and they take and they give and you take,

581
00:43:52.240 --> 00:43:59.600
reciprocal, right? All right. But your real belief is, is that if I don't do what they need me to do,

582
00:43:59.600 --> 00:44:06.800
or if they don't need me, then they also won't want me. In order to be my friend,

583
00:44:06.800 --> 00:44:13.520
in order for them to stay my friend, I have to be useful or needed. Okay. And then your identity

584
00:44:13.520 --> 00:44:24.960
becomes what? A fixer of some sort? A fixer or savior? A hero? Anyone else want to admit that

585
00:44:24.960 --> 00:44:30.000
you remember that song came out? I forget when it came out. I think it came out in like 1992.

586
00:44:30.000 --> 00:44:37.040
I've got friends in low places. Well, after I was saved and after I started doing my hard work,

587
00:44:37.040 --> 00:44:40.960
I heard that song on the radio. I think it's Billy Ray Cyrus or something like that.

588
00:44:41.920 --> 00:44:45.120
And for those of you that don't know, it's a country song just says, I've got friends in

589
00:44:45.120 --> 00:44:49.680
low places. Like I've got friends that are sketchy. I've got friends in low places where

590
00:44:49.680 --> 00:44:54.880
the whiskey flows and the beard chases are blues away. You know, like you got some high,

591
00:44:54.880 --> 00:45:06.880
successful friends. I got some low friends, right? And I heard that after I was

592
00:45:02.120 --> 00:45:06.240
all of my friends were in low places.

593
00:45:06.240 --> 00:45:10.760
They were all in crisis, they all had major problems.

594
00:45:10.760 --> 00:45:13.680
I didn't have one friend that had a stable life,

595
00:45:13.680 --> 00:45:14.800
not one of them.

596
00:45:14.800 --> 00:45:17.240
And I'm like, Jackie, why have you collected

597
00:45:17.240 --> 00:45:18.800
all these misfits?

598
00:45:18.800 --> 00:45:19.760
Why have you collected?

599
00:45:19.760 --> 00:45:21.880
Why are you surrounded by all these people

600
00:45:21.880 --> 00:45:23.720
who cannot reciprocate with you

601
00:45:23.720 --> 00:45:25.840
because they don't got a pot to pee in,

602
00:45:25.840 --> 00:45:27.080
just literally in life,

603
00:45:27.080 --> 00:45:28.240
whether it's physically, mentally,

604
00:45:28.240 --> 00:45:30.000
emotionally or spiritually.

605
00:45:30.000 --> 00:45:33.880
But here I am being the social worker of my friend group.

606
00:45:33.880 --> 00:45:35.560
Why have I done this?

607
00:45:35.560 --> 00:45:38.520
Because I believed this.

608
00:45:38.520 --> 00:45:41.280
No one's gonna wanna be friends with you, Jackie,

609
00:45:41.280 --> 00:45:43.280
unless you have something to give them.

610
00:45:43.280 --> 00:45:46.520
I just remembered something.

611
00:45:46.520 --> 00:45:48.520
So I was really bullied in school.

612
00:45:48.520 --> 00:45:50.200
I don't know if I said that already,

613
00:45:50.200 --> 00:45:51.720
but I was really bullied in school.

614
00:45:51.720 --> 00:45:54.520
And there were these girls that like,

615
00:45:54.520 --> 00:45:56.360
I think they liked me at first in middle school,

616
00:45:56.360 --> 00:45:58.440
but then they really started to become bullies.

617
00:45:58.440 --> 00:46:00.600
And I had this beautiful crystal,

618
00:46:00.600 --> 00:46:04.880
like expensive thing that was given to me from a relative.

619
00:46:04.880 --> 00:46:06.000
And it was really beautiful.

620
00:46:06.000 --> 00:46:07.160
I don't even remember what it was.

621
00:46:07.160 --> 00:46:09.320
It was a crystal animal of some sort.

622
00:46:09.320 --> 00:46:12.960
And that was really kind of entrend back then.

623
00:46:12.960 --> 00:46:15.360
And I remember bringing that to school,

624
00:46:15.360 --> 00:46:18.640
probably seventh grade and giving it to the queen bee

625
00:46:18.640 --> 00:46:20.120
of that little group of girls

626
00:46:20.120 --> 00:46:23.800
that were like so passively, aggressively mean to me.

627
00:46:23.800 --> 00:46:25.240
And being like, hey, you know,

628
00:46:25.240 --> 00:46:26.440
it was her birthday or something.

629
00:46:26.440 --> 00:46:28.320
And she didn't know I re-gifted it,

630
00:46:28.320 --> 00:46:31.680
but I gave her this very expensive, like entrend thing

631
00:46:31.680 --> 00:46:35.320
that I'm sure she could not bought for herself.

632
00:46:35.320 --> 00:46:39.120
And she was just like, oh, she's like, oh, thank you so much.

633
00:46:39.120 --> 00:46:41.160
You know, like on the surface.

634
00:46:41.160 --> 00:46:44.920
But later, and I can't even remember why,

635
00:46:44.920 --> 00:46:47.600
but later I was in gym class,

636
00:46:47.600 --> 00:46:49.640
and I was in gym with this girl.

637
00:46:49.640 --> 00:46:51.680
And you know, the girls, all their stuff

638
00:46:51.680 --> 00:46:54.320
was all over the locker room and all the girls, you know,

639
00:46:54.320 --> 00:46:56.600
everyone's stuff, their purses or backpacks,

640
00:46:56.600 --> 00:46:57.920
everything willy nilly.

641
00:46:57.920 --> 00:47:00.680
And I didn't dress for gym that day,

642
00:47:00.680 --> 00:47:02.120
so I wasn't participating.

643
00:47:02.120 --> 00:47:04.640
And I was sent back in the locker room to get my stuff

644
00:47:04.640 --> 00:47:05.480
and do whatever.

645
00:47:05.480 --> 00:47:07.200
So I went back in the locker room to get my stuff.

646
00:47:07.200 --> 00:47:11.800
And I just happened to see this girl stuff kind of strewn.

647
00:47:11.800 --> 00:47:14.360
And like her purse just opened kind of strewn,

648
00:47:14.360 --> 00:47:16.040
like stuff falling out of it.

649
00:47:16.040 --> 00:47:17.560
And what do you think?

650
00:47:17.560 --> 00:47:20.880
I saw, I saw that crystal thing that I gave her.

651
00:47:20.880 --> 00:47:22.120
She just thrown it in her purse,

652
00:47:22.120 --> 00:47:24.080
just left it there, it was all broken.

653
00:47:24.080 --> 00:47:26.640
Yeah.

654
00:47:26.640 --> 00:47:28.840
So.

655
00:47:28.840 --> 00:47:34.880
I can say that I believe that friendship's are reciprocal,

656
00:47:34.880 --> 00:47:37.320
but I also believe that if I'm not helping people,

657
00:47:37.320 --> 00:47:38.800
I'm not giving something to people,

658
00:47:38.800 --> 00:47:40.280
I'm not making myself useful,

659
00:47:40.280 --> 00:47:41.440
then they're not gonna need me,

660
00:47:41.440 --> 00:47:42.480
and they're not gonna want me,

661
00:47:42.480 --> 00:47:44.640
because my identity now is fixer.

662
00:47:44.640 --> 00:47:47.200
My identity now is martyr, whatever.

663
00:47:47.200 --> 00:47:49.040
And the behavior is you're always helping,

664
00:47:49.040 --> 00:47:50.160
you're always solving problems,

665
00:47:50.160 --> 00:47:51.600
you're always giving,

666
00:47:51.600 --> 00:47:53.520
you rarely ask for anything in return,

667
00:47:53.520 --> 00:47:54.920
you're just happy to be here.

668
00:47:54.920 --> 00:47:58.160
And then eventually, what's the outcome of that?

669
00:47:58.160 --> 00:48:01.360
You don't have real friends and nobody ever shows up for you.

670
00:48:01.360 --> 00:48:04.480
How can they?

671
00:48:04.480 --> 00:48:05.560
You've picked a bunch of friends

672
00:48:05.560 --> 00:48:07.800
don't really like you for you.

673
00:48:07.800 --> 00:48:09.840
They're only there because they want something from you.

674
00:48:09.840 --> 00:48:13.120
And as soon as you start, here's a good test.

675
00:48:13.120 --> 00:48:14.720
Stop fixing their problem,

676
00:48:14.720 --> 00:48:16.840
stop taking their 3 a.m. phone calls,

677
00:48:16.840 --> 00:48:18.640
see if they're your friends still.

678
00:48:19.600 --> 00:48:21.120
I promise you they won't be.

679
00:48:21.120 --> 00:48:23.720
Okay.

680
00:48:23.720 --> 00:48:26.120
And some of you are gonna have to do that.

681
00:48:26.120 --> 00:48:28.320
You have friends in your life right now,

682
00:48:28.320 --> 00:48:29.280
at least one of you,

683
00:48:29.280 --> 00:48:30.720
'cause I'm picking this up in the spirit,

684
00:48:30.720 --> 00:48:32.000
you have friends in your life,

685
00:48:32.000 --> 00:48:33.040
you have people in your life,

686
00:48:33.040 --> 00:48:33.960
they might not even be friends,

687
00:48:33.960 --> 00:48:35.520
they could be family, anybody,

688
00:48:35.520 --> 00:48:38.240
that are actually sabotaging your love story.

689
00:48:38.240 --> 00:48:39.040
They're holding you back

690
00:48:39.040 --> 00:48:42.040
because you are spending too much of your bandwidth

691
00:48:42.040 --> 00:48:43.960
on them

692
00:48:43.960 --> 00:48:46.880
and not enough bandwidth on you.

693
00:48:47.920 --> 00:48:49.840
And then on what you need to do

694
00:48:49.840 --> 00:48:51.680
in order to become the person

695
00:48:51.680 --> 00:48:52.680
that God is

696
00:48:52.680 --> 00:48:56.960
inviting you to be.

697
00:48:56.960 --> 00:49:03.040
Our identity, each and every one of your identities

698
00:49:03.040 --> 00:49:03.880
should be wife

699
00:49:03.880 --> 00:49:07.600
and each and every one of in your stand husband.

700
00:49:07.600 --> 00:49:09.200
That should look like something.

701
00:49:09.200 --> 00:49:10.200
There should be,

702
00:49:10.200 --> 00:49:11.480
there should be a belief,

703
00:49:11.480 --> 00:49:12.720
there should be an identity,

704
00:49:12.720 --> 00:49:15.000
there should behavior that follows it.

705
00:49:15.000 --> 00:49:16.360
You don't have to wait until you're married

706
00:49:16.360 --> 00:49:17.320
to have this identity.

707
00:49:17.320 --> 00:49:18.360
It's part of your identity.

708
00:49:18.360 --> 00:49:19.640
You've been hardwired with it

709
00:49:19.640 --> 00:49:20.520
from the very beginning.

710
00:49:20.520 --> 00:49:21.600
God made them male and female

711
00:49:21.600 --> 00:49:22.760
and he put them together.

712
00:49:22.760 --> 00:49:26.160
Proverbs 18, 22 said a man's looking for a wife.

713
00:49:26.160 --> 00:49:27.440
He didn't say he was looking for a woman,

714
00:49:27.440 --> 00:49:28.480
didn't say woman at all.

715
00:49:28.480 --> 00:49:29.320
It said wife.

716
00:49:29.320 --> 00:49:31.440
That's because wife is a thing.

717
00:49:31.440 --> 00:49:33.240
It's an identity.

718
00:49:33.240 --> 00:49:35.240
And there's behavior that follows it

719
00:49:35.240 --> 00:49:37.680
and there's outcome with it as well.

720
00:49:37.680 --> 00:49:39.160
When that behavior,

721
00:49:39.160 --> 00:49:40.280
you can start acting like a wife

722
00:49:40.280 --> 00:49:41.280
even before you are one.

723
00:49:41.280 --> 00:49:43.440
And I don't mean by mothering a man

724
00:49:43.440 --> 00:49:45.520
that you're talking to,

725
00:49:45.520 --> 00:49:46.640
trying to fix him.

726
00:49:46.640 --> 00:49:49.160
That's not what wives do, by the way.

727
00:49:49.160 --> 00:49:50.280
I mean, it is what we do,

728
00:49:50.280 --> 00:49:52.240
but it's not what we're supposed to be doing.

729
00:49:52.240 --> 00:49:53.080
All right.

730
00:49:53.080 --> 00:49:53.920
Okay.

731
00:49:53.920 --> 00:49:54.760
So we'll talk about that.

732
00:49:54.760 --> 00:49:55.600
All right.

733
00:49:55.600 --> 00:49:56.440
All right.

734
00:49:56.440 --> 00:49:57.320
So let's bring it all into love.

735
00:49:57.320 --> 00:49:59.520
We talk about some categories outside of that

736
00:50:03.440 --> 00:50:04.560
work and all the things.

737
00:50:04.560 --> 00:50:07.640
So let's bring it back down to love.

738
00:50:07.640 --> 00:50:10.760
I believe I'm worthy of love.

739
00:50:10.760 --> 00:50:11.600
Great.

740
00:50:11.600 --> 00:50:13.440
So what happens when someone doesn't choose you?

741
00:50:13.440 --> 00:50:15.480
What happens when you're swiping on the dating app

742
00:50:15.480 --> 00:50:16.960
and no one is swiping back?

743
00:50:16.960 --> 00:50:18.760
What happens when you go out on the date

744
00:50:18.760 --> 00:50:20.360
and the person says they don't want to see you again

745
00:50:20.360 --> 00:50:21.960
or they ghost you or never talking about?

746
00:50:21.960 --> 00:50:24.360
You immediately probably go to what's wrong with me.

747
00:50:26.640 --> 00:50:31.400
And that type of mindset may be proving to you

748
00:50:31.400 --> 00:50:33.840
that being chosen is being proving your worth.

749
00:50:33.840 --> 00:50:35.800
Instead of your mindset going to, well,

750
00:50:35.800 --> 00:50:39.440
I probably, you know, that probably wasn't the person for me.

751
00:50:39.440 --> 00:50:41.840
You know, well, I guess there isn't anyone on here

752
00:50:41.840 --> 00:50:43.080
that's gonna be a good match for me.

753
00:50:43.080 --> 00:50:44.560
That's why I'm not matching with anyone.

754
00:50:44.560 --> 00:50:46.760
Not something's wrong with me or what's wrong with me.

755
00:50:46.760 --> 00:50:49.420
It's a, you know, I guess God's protecting me

756
00:50:49.420 --> 00:50:51.040
and redirecting me.

757
00:50:51.040 --> 00:50:52.760
Guess I'm dodging a bullet here.

758
00:50:56.080 --> 00:51:00.320
Okay, you can say, "I believe that good men exist."

759
00:51:00.320 --> 00:51:02.480
Dan, you can say, "I believe good women exist."

760
00:51:02.480 --> 00:51:05.120
Great, wonderful.

761
00:51:05.120 --> 00:51:07.280
Will you recognize one when you see them?

762
00:51:07.280 --> 00:51:09.720
Will you?

763
00:51:09.720 --> 00:51:11.280
What happens when you meet one?

764
00:51:11.280 --> 00:51:14.000
What happens when you meet one?

765
00:51:14.000 --> 00:51:16.320
Are you immediately scanning for what's wrong with them?

766
00:51:16.320 --> 00:51:17.520
Ah, this is too good to be true.

767
00:51:17.520 --> 00:51:19.000
There's gotta be a catch.

768
00:51:19.000 --> 00:51:20.320
Why are they still single?

769
00:51:20.320 --> 00:51:22.520
Why aren't they telling me what's really going on?

770
00:51:22.520 --> 00:51:24.120
Why aren't they telling me on the first date,

771
00:51:24.120 --> 00:51:24.960
why they're divorced?

772
00:51:24.960 --> 00:51:26.720
Ah, you know, I'm sure it's their fault.

773
00:51:26.720 --> 00:51:28.160
They probably cheated.

774
00:51:28.160 --> 00:51:29.400
What? No.

775
00:51:29.400 --> 00:51:31.240
And you guys, I'm getting all these examples

776
00:51:31.240 --> 00:51:33.060
from just coaching calls that I have.

777
00:51:33.060 --> 00:51:37.280
These are not far-fetched things.

778
00:51:37.280 --> 00:51:40.000
These are things that all kinds of people do.

779
00:51:40.000 --> 00:51:42.600
They say that they believe good men and women exist,

780
00:51:42.600 --> 00:51:45.100
but you're guilty until you're proven innocent.

781
00:51:45.100 --> 00:51:49.240
You gotta prove to me that you're good.

782
00:51:49.240 --> 00:51:53.440
Instead of me just giving you the benefit of the doubt

783
00:51:53.440 --> 00:51:55.600
and you proving to me that you're not good.

784
00:51:55.600 --> 00:51:56.960
That's how it should work.

785
00:51:56.960 --> 00:52:00.320
There's a certain amount of trust that has to be given

786
00:52:00.320 --> 00:52:03.400
right at the very beginning of getting to know someone.

787
00:52:03.400 --> 00:52:06.480
There's a certain amount of trust that has to be given.

788
00:52:06.480 --> 00:52:07.560
What is that trust?

789
00:52:07.560 --> 00:52:10.680
That trust is that I believe that you're who you say you are.

790
00:52:10.680 --> 00:52:15.920
I believe that you're representing yourself as who you are.

791
00:52:15.920 --> 00:52:20.640
Now, if that proves to not be true,

792
00:52:20.640 --> 00:52:23.040
if you start seeing,

793
00:52:23.040 --> 00:52:25.000
and we'll talk about the 90-day framework later

794
00:52:25.000 --> 00:52:26.840
when we get into the dating portion of this,

795
00:52:26.840 --> 00:52:30.080
but if you start seeing holes in the story,

796
00:52:30.080 --> 00:52:31.780
I'm not asking you to play dumb.

797
00:52:31.780 --> 00:52:37.040
Dan, if you start seeing that,

798
00:52:37.040 --> 00:52:38.960
she's still talking to her ex,

799
00:52:38.960 --> 00:52:42.720
not the one she used to be married to,

800
00:52:42.720 --> 00:52:44.480
and not the one that she has kids with,

801
00:52:44.480 --> 00:52:45.480
but a different one.

802
00:52:45.480 --> 00:52:49.120
You know, we're not gonna ignore this stuff.

803
00:52:49.960 --> 00:52:52.040
We're not gonna do that,

804
00:52:52.040 --> 00:52:57.040
but we're not going to go in from the very beginning

805
00:52:57.040 --> 00:53:00.640
as the detective, for those of you that tested out as that,

806
00:53:00.640 --> 00:53:05.320
looking for where this person is not being who they say they are.

807
00:53:05.320 --> 00:53:06.640
We're not gonna do that.

808
00:53:06.640 --> 00:53:08.880
All right, you can say, "I want partnership."

809
00:53:08.880 --> 00:53:10.080
Great.

810
00:53:10.080 --> 00:53:11.320
All of you are here because you're saying,

811
00:53:11.320 --> 00:53:13.440
"I want partnership."

812
00:53:13.440 --> 00:53:17.360
But partnership requires you to let someone help you.

813
00:53:17.360 --> 00:53:19.480
So, when someone asks to help you,

814
00:53:19.480 --> 00:53:22.560
and I'm not talking about a romantic interest, but anyone,

815
00:53:22.560 --> 00:53:24.480
do you say things like, "Hey, can I help you?"

816
00:53:24.480 --> 00:53:27.840
"Oh, no, I'm good. I've got it. I'll handle it."

817
00:53:27.840 --> 00:53:33.440
Thanks, anyway.

818
00:53:33.440 --> 00:53:38.280
Some of you need to take people up on their help,

819
00:53:38.280 --> 00:53:39.600
even if you don't need it.

820
00:53:39.600 --> 00:53:41.120
Some people need to,

821
00:53:41.120 --> 00:53:43.560
some of you need to ask in order to break out of this,

822
00:53:43.560 --> 00:53:45.840
you're gonna need to ask,

823
00:53:45.840 --> 00:53:48.840
people do help you with things that you do not need help with,

824
00:53:48.840 --> 00:53:52.280
just so you can start getting used to asking for help.

825
00:53:52.280 --> 00:53:59.800
And here's a big one for some of you ladies.

826
00:53:59.800 --> 00:54:01.960
And Dan, I don't know you all enough to say this yet,

827
00:54:01.960 --> 00:54:03.720
but after a one-on-one, we'll see.

828
00:54:03.720 --> 00:54:08.160
Some of you ladies need to accept the help,

829
00:54:08.160 --> 00:54:11.080
even if the person is not going to do it the way you would do it,

830
00:54:11.080 --> 00:54:12.600
or as good as you would do it.

831
00:54:12.600 --> 00:54:20.320
I know you, you want to done your way.

832
00:54:20.320 --> 00:54:23.800
I have a husband like that.

833
00:54:23.800 --> 00:54:28.000
He is my 83-year-old mother-in-law

834
00:54:28.000 --> 00:54:30.040
and a 55-year-old man's body.

835
00:54:30.040 --> 00:54:35.920
He knows how to do hospital corners on the bed.

836
00:54:35.920 --> 00:54:37.160
And you know what I do?

837
00:54:37.160 --> 00:54:39.280
I say,

838
00:54:39.280 --> 00:54:42.440
you can do it all.

839
00:54:43.440 --> 00:54:44.840
I'm fine with that.

840
00:54:44.840 --> 00:54:47.600
I have no shame in my game

841
00:54:47.600 --> 00:54:51.120
to not be a woman who cleans the house ever.

842
00:54:51.120 --> 00:54:52.400
I never need to clean.

843
00:54:52.400 --> 00:54:54.240
You like to clean?

844
00:54:54.240 --> 00:54:56.240
Go for it, it's all yours.

845
00:54:56.240 --> 00:54:58.320
(laughs)

846
00:54:58.320 --> 00:55:00.020
[inhales]

847
00:55:03.600 --> 00:55:05.400
women are supposed to clean.

848
00:55:05.400 --> 00:55:07.400
Doesn't matter that the man cleans better than you.

849
00:55:07.400 --> 00:55:09.400
Doesn't matter that the man cooks better than you.

850
00:55:09.400 --> 00:55:10.300
You got to do it.

851
00:55:10.300 --> 00:55:15.400
Because that's what you're supposed to do.

852
00:55:15.400 --> 00:55:16.200
No, it's not.

853
00:55:16.200 --> 00:55:18.900
That's not the way the world works anymore.

854
00:55:18.900 --> 00:55:19.400
Okay.

855
00:55:19.400 --> 00:55:21.100
So what's behind this?

856
00:55:21.100 --> 00:55:25.000
Maybe underneath this not being able to receive help or not being able to receive help

857
00:55:25.000 --> 00:55:28.700
because you can't control how they're going to do it because you want to do it.

858
00:55:29.900 --> 00:55:33.000
Depending on people is dangerous, no one can do it as good as me.

859
00:55:33.000 --> 00:55:34.700
No one can do it as fast as me.

860
00:55:34.700 --> 00:55:38.600
If I don't do it, then it won't get done right or quick enough.

861
00:55:38.600 --> 00:55:42.000
And then what happens?

862
00:55:42.000 --> 00:55:44.800
We don't know how to build partnerships if we're practicing, not needing anyone.

863
00:55:44.800 --> 00:55:51.800
So all of you that deal with any type of any of these, you're going to have to start kind of doing the opposite.

864
00:55:51.800 --> 00:55:55.000
Even if it feels disingenuous, you have to do it.

865
00:55:55.000 --> 00:55:59.600
Just do the opposite of any of this stuff that we're talking about.

866
00:56:00.000 --> 00:56:03.000
The only way out is doing the opposite.

867
00:56:03.000 --> 00:56:03.500
Okay.

868
00:56:03.500 --> 00:56:08.400
I want to be known, you say you want to be known, but you really don't want to be known.

869
00:56:08.400 --> 00:56:10.000
And this is going to be true of a lot of you.

870
00:56:10.000 --> 00:56:14.900
You want to be known as your ideal self, but you don't want to be known as your real self.

871
00:56:14.900 --> 00:56:19.500
And you know how I know because you shape shift and you don't even know you do it.

872
00:56:19.500 --> 00:56:22.300
And you're not even willing to admit you do it, but you become agreeable.

873
00:56:22.300 --> 00:56:24.000
You don't express preferences.

874
00:56:24.200 --> 00:56:30.200
You don't disagree, you present the version of you that you believe whoever's in front of you wants you to be.

875
00:56:30.200 --> 00:56:36.100
And or you just hold back a lot.

876
00:56:36.100 --> 00:56:38.300
You hide.

877
00:56:38.300 --> 00:56:40.600
You don't put yourself out there.

878
00:56:40.600 --> 00:56:42.100
You want you say you want to be known.

879
00:56:42.100 --> 00:56:54.100
But you want to be known as someone who's capable, someone who's in control, someone, you know, how many of you would tell me that you have no problem.

880
00:56:54.100 --> 00:57:03.300
Showing up messy, messy in a bad place in need, unhinged.

881
00:57:03.300 --> 00:57:07.300
And don't raise your hand if that's your regular state.

882
00:57:07.300 --> 00:57:13.500
I'm talking about the people who pride themselves on having it all together.

883
00:57:13.500 --> 00:57:15.700
Never let them see you sweat.

884
00:57:15.900 --> 00:57:28.100
How many of you can really honestly tell me that you have no problem letting people see you a total mess?

885
00:57:28.100 --> 00:57:34.500
Not just outside, hair messed up, all the things, but just not with it all together.

886
00:57:38.700 --> 00:57:46.000
Audra, you lead at your church. Can you show up to your big huge mega church messy? Can you show up having a bad time?

887
00:57:46.000 --> 00:57:54.300
You know, not enough to carpet during service being like, I got to go get prayed for in the prayer line because I'm a hot mess, not the leader anymore.

888
00:57:54.300 --> 00:57:57.300
Now I'm just in need of prayer.

889
00:57:57.300 --> 00:58:07.600
Oh, I'm first in line for prayer anymore, but yeah, I used to be just, you know, I can't be up for prayer.

890
00:58:07.600 --> 00:58:09.560
I'm supposed to be a leader. I can't do that.

891
00:58:09.560 --> 00:58:14.100
People won't believe that I can lead well or lead them or mentor them.

892
00:58:14.100 --> 00:58:17.000
And now I'm like, I have a hang nail.

893
00:58:17.000 --> 00:58:19.600
I'm going to have somebody pray over it, you know, whatever it is.

894
00:58:19.600 --> 00:58:25.300
I'm like, I'm in, I'm in, but it took a long time and a lot of awareness.

895
00:58:25.300 --> 00:58:29.300
And Audra is the person who's wearing the hat shy as a lie.

896
00:58:29.300 --> 00:58:34.300
Remember, Audra is one of my clients and she's been working with me for a while.

897
00:58:34.300 --> 00:58:39.100
So that's why I'm kind of calling her out because I know she used to be like what I was saying.

898
00:58:39.100 --> 00:58:40.500
Oh, she's got her shy as a lie hat.

899
00:58:40.500 --> 00:58:41.200
Let's go.

900
00:58:41.200 --> 00:58:44.200
Let's go, girl, shy as a lie.

901
00:58:44.200 --> 00:58:44.700
Okay.

902
00:58:44.700 --> 00:58:49.600
And, you know, people are like only with close people.

903
00:58:49.600 --> 00:58:54.500
You know, some of you just put on a really great show, but behind closed doors.

904
00:58:54.500 --> 00:58:55.500
You were a wreck.

905
00:58:55.500 --> 00:59:01.800
You know, you're the wreck of the Hespera behind closed doors, but.

906
00:59:01.800 --> 00:59:08.500
And I'm not saying, listen, friends, I'm not saying that you should let everyone see you this way.

907
00:59:08.500 --> 00:59:12.000
And I'm not saying that you should look like you should be this way all the time.

908
00:59:12.000 --> 00:59:20.600
We're just talking about the counterfeit of I want to be known and yet do you.

909
00:59:20.600 --> 00:59:21.200
All right.

910
00:59:21.200 --> 00:59:22.900
So let's bring it back to the counterfeits.

911
00:59:22.900 --> 00:59:27.200
We have the performer, the people, please or the cool guy, cool girl, the controller, the prosecutor,

912
00:59:27.200 --> 00:59:31.500
the chaser, the runner, the fixer, the shape shifter, the spiritualizer, the lone wolf.

913
00:59:31.500 --> 00:59:33.700
My list doesn't have the wall on it for some reason.

914
00:59:33.700 --> 00:59:40.000
I don't know why, but all of these have beliefs and all of them have behaviors.

915
00:59:40.000 --> 00:59:41.000
Okay.

916
00:59:41.000 --> 00:59:42.100
Every single one of them.

917
00:59:42.100 --> 00:59:47.700
And the other crazy part about it is that those behaviors are going to look different on all of you.

918
00:59:47.700 --> 00:59:55.600
Even if you guys tested out with the same counterfeits, your behaviors, the way that that counterfeit plays out through you is not going to be the same.

919
00:59:55.600 --> 00:59:57.000
All right.

920
00:59:57.000 --> 00:59:59.880
So if you do your worksheets and you start thinking about...

921
01:00:05.700 --> 01:00:07.380
What's the behavior?

922
01:00:07.380 --> 01:00:10.100
How am I showing up in this world because of this stuff?

923
01:00:10.100 --> 01:00:13.180
And what has been the outcome?

924
01:00:13.180 --> 01:00:17.640
That's really what I want you to be doing as you're filling out these worksheets and

925
01:00:17.640 --> 01:00:21.160
what we're going to be coaching on when we get to Thursday together.

926
01:00:21.160 --> 01:00:25.640
And remember, there's opportunity to be coached in between Thursday in the group.

927
01:00:25.640 --> 01:00:30.620
And for those of you that have the other package, you guys know where you can be as well.

928
01:00:30.620 --> 01:00:32.660
All right.

929
01:00:32.660 --> 01:00:35.220
All right.

930
01:00:35.220 --> 01:00:39.060
All right.

931
01:00:39.060 --> 01:00:42.560
One more thing before we go, I know we're at time, so I want to let you guys go.

932
01:00:42.560 --> 01:00:45.320
I want to be, I know two coaching sessions a week is law.

933
01:00:45.320 --> 01:00:47.960
That's why it's called an intensive though.

934
01:00:47.960 --> 01:00:55.040
I really want to make sure that you understand that a lot of this can be unconscious.

935
01:00:55.040 --> 01:00:56.740
And that's where you need Holy Spirit to help you.

936
01:00:56.740 --> 01:00:58.840
I'm not asking you to grab a shovel.

937
01:00:58.840 --> 01:01:00.640
Callie, I answered your question today.

938
01:01:00.640 --> 01:01:02.520
I think Amber had a similar question.

939
01:01:02.520 --> 01:01:05.240
I don't want you digging around you guys looking for stuff.

940
01:01:05.240 --> 01:01:09.440
I want you to deal with the stuff that is coming up.

941
01:01:09.440 --> 01:01:10.440
It's coming up.

942
01:01:10.440 --> 01:01:14.300
You're seeing yourself in a new light in different ways.

943
01:01:14.300 --> 01:01:19.280
Because you might say to me, Jackie, I really believe I'm love, I'm, I'm loveable.

944
01:01:19.280 --> 01:01:24.480
I believe consciously you do, but unconsciously you might not because we're not only looking

945
01:01:24.480 --> 01:01:29.360
at your conscious theology about yourself, we're looking at your beliefs underneath that,

946
01:01:29.360 --> 01:01:34.680
you're unconscious, because so much of our behavior comes from our unconscious beliefs.

947
01:01:34.680 --> 01:01:38.240
This is why positive mental attitude and declarations don't work.

948
01:01:38.240 --> 01:01:42.160
Those are our conscious beliefs that we're trying to put out into the world, right?

949
01:01:42.160 --> 01:01:45.000
This is what we're trying to manifest, like the new ages.

950
01:01:45.000 --> 01:01:49.640
The problem is, is that you can't fake it to you, make it because you will be it and

951
01:01:49.640 --> 01:01:51.080
they will see it.

952
01:01:51.080 --> 01:01:52.080
That will happen.

953
01:01:52.080 --> 01:01:55.640
Whatever it is that you believe, you become and what you become, you attract.

954
01:01:55.640 --> 01:01:58.760
That is the law of attraction truly from the word of God.

955
01:01:58.760 --> 01:02:08.480
Proverbs 23, what you believe you become and what you become, you attract.

956
01:02:08.480 --> 01:02:10.840
That's the true law of attraction.

957
01:02:10.840 --> 01:02:12.760
That's the biblical law of attraction.

958
01:02:12.760 --> 01:02:16.120
So we're looking at your operating beliefs.

959
01:02:16.120 --> 01:02:17.960
This is what's going to be important in friends.

960
01:02:17.960 --> 01:02:23.480
A lot of you are not going to really see this until you get out into our dating section.

961
01:02:23.480 --> 01:02:26.200
You're going to start seeing it more and more.

962
01:02:26.200 --> 01:02:30.000
You're going to start all of this is going to be really important field work or really

963
01:02:30.000 --> 01:02:34.120
important foundation work because of the field work that we're going to do in a little

964
01:02:34.120 --> 01:02:35.120
while.

965
01:02:35.120 --> 01:02:40.560
And you're like, oh, I see, I didn't think I had one of these, but now I do.

966
01:02:40.560 --> 01:02:44.960
I thought that I unpacked all this, but now I see I haven't, because your operating beliefs

967
01:02:44.960 --> 01:02:48.560
are going to show up under pressure, even good pressure.

968
01:02:48.560 --> 01:02:50.120
It doesn't have to be a trauma or tragedy.

969
01:02:50.120 --> 01:02:51.600
It doesn't have to be ghosted.

970
01:02:51.600 --> 01:02:54.160
What if the person wants a second or third date?

971
01:02:54.160 --> 01:02:55.640
What if the person really likes you?

972
01:02:55.640 --> 01:02:58.160
You know, what if you get a promotion at work?

973
01:02:58.160 --> 01:03:00.640
What if something good happens?

974
01:03:00.640 --> 01:03:06.040
This stuff shows up under pressure, any kind of pressure, good or bad.

975
01:03:06.040 --> 01:03:15.680
So processed belief is what I say is true, but operating belief is what my behavior says

976
01:03:15.680 --> 01:03:20.760
I believe is true.

977
01:03:20.760 --> 01:03:22.720
And so I have another example here.

978
01:03:22.720 --> 01:03:27.200
God hasn't forgotten me is your, is your professed belief.

979
01:03:27.200 --> 01:03:35.960
Well, you know, God hasn't forgotten me, but your operating belief is I have to make this

980
01:03:35.960 --> 01:03:40.040
happen for myself because I'm running out of time.

981
01:03:40.040 --> 01:03:45.360
And those two things can co-ins exist and neither one of them are necessarily untrue,

982
01:03:45.360 --> 01:03:48.920
because we do have to partner with heaven.

983
01:03:48.920 --> 01:03:53.960
We are making something happen through the power that enables us to make it happen.

984
01:03:53.960 --> 01:04:01.320
Neither one of them are untrue, but we have to make sure that we genuinely understand

985
01:04:01.320 --> 01:04:04.440
how they go together and how they can coexist.

986
01:04:04.440 --> 01:04:11.520
All right, self-sabotage is usually self-protection, just so you guys know, it's usually self-protection.

987
01:04:11.520 --> 01:04:14.480
You're not trying to self-sabotage, you're not trying to sabotage at all, you're trying

988
01:04:14.480 --> 01:04:16.320
to protect yourself.

989
01:04:16.320 --> 01:04:19.600
So if you believe people leave, that's what makes you chase.

990
01:04:19.600 --> 01:04:24.200
If you believe people or hide, if you believe people leave, that's why you never get in

991
01:04:24.200 --> 01:04:26.640
a relationship or you chase the relationship.

992
01:04:26.640 --> 01:04:30.440
If you believe people control you, then that's why you run away.

993
01:04:30.440 --> 01:04:35.360
If you believe my needs are too much, that's why you people please because you want to

994
01:04:35.360 --> 01:04:38.640
make it worth it for the other person to be in a relationship with you.

995
01:04:38.640 --> 01:04:43.920
If you believe that nobody will take care of you, then you taking care of yourself and

996
01:04:43.920 --> 01:04:45.720
being controlling makes sense.

997
01:04:45.720 --> 01:04:50.400
If you believe I'm valuable only when I'm needed, then fixing other people, saving, rescuing

998
01:04:50.400 --> 01:04:52.160
other people makes sense.

999
01:04:52.160 --> 01:04:56.400
If I believe the real me won't be chosen, then of course being someone else and wearing

1000
01:04:56.400 --> 01:04:58.920
a mask also makes sense.

1001
01:04:58.920 --> 01:04:59.920
But I just wanted to do that.

1002
01:05:06.560 --> 01:05:14.920
Because when you reward these counterfeit identities, they get stronger.

1003
01:05:14.920 --> 01:05:20.080
The outcome is usually the self-fulfilling prophecy.

1004
01:05:20.080 --> 01:05:23.040
So it's not a reward, like, "Oh, something good happened."

1005
01:05:23.040 --> 01:05:27.080
Rewarding it with, "Yep, see, I told you.

1006
01:05:27.080 --> 01:05:30.160
People can't be trusted." "See, I told you.

1007
01:05:30.160 --> 01:05:31.160
I'm too much.

1008
01:05:31.160 --> 01:05:35.460
See, I told you, whatever, that's the reward.

1009
01:05:35.460 --> 01:05:39.080
That's the thing that continues to fuel the fire of this."

1010
01:05:39.080 --> 01:05:40.080
All right.

1011
01:05:40.080 --> 01:05:41.080
Okay, we're at time.

1012
01:05:41.080 --> 01:05:44.760
I'll just take any questions that you guys have really, really quickly because really

1013
01:05:44.760 --> 01:05:46.840
our coaching session will be on Thursday.

1014
01:05:46.840 --> 01:05:50.880
But if you have any questions about what you need to do next or what's going on or just

1015
01:05:50.880 --> 01:05:53.720
a quick comment or something, I can take that now.

1016
01:05:53.720 --> 01:06:01.480
Duchy, I just wanted to share a quick testimony of the counterfeit of the overachiever in

1017
01:06:01.480 --> 01:06:06.120
terms of, in a workplace environment, and I was going to share it really quickly before.

1018
01:06:06.120 --> 01:06:09.720
But my, my oversee, I was like, "You work too much.

1019
01:06:09.720 --> 01:06:16.200
You need to leave at four o'clock, like that high value in my culture, a battle of being

1020
01:06:16.200 --> 01:06:20.360
able to leave family, you know, and leaving on time."

1021
01:06:20.360 --> 01:06:22.440
And I went away and I was super offended.

1022
01:06:22.440 --> 01:06:26.200
I was like, "No, this is like, you know, it took me a really long time."

1023
01:06:26.200 --> 01:06:31.360
But even as you were speaking tonight, like, and just being able, like, I came to a place

1024
01:06:31.360 --> 01:06:34.520
and a healthy place, but it was like, "No, actually, this is so important."

1025
01:06:34.520 --> 01:06:38.400
I was able to see the counterfeit that like, "Oh, if I'm doing extra, if I'm doing all

1026
01:06:38.400 --> 01:06:42.520
these things and I'm really important," and that, you know, it's, it was just a lie that

1027
01:06:42.520 --> 01:06:45.160
I was feeding to myself for such a long time.

1028
01:06:45.160 --> 01:06:50.120
So I just wanted to share that as an encouragement of a positive of what the counterfeit on the

1029
01:06:50.120 --> 01:06:52.400
other side has looked like for me.

1030
01:06:52.400 --> 01:06:53.400
So.

1031
01:06:53.400 --> 01:06:54.400
I, you know, I love that.

1032
01:06:54.400 --> 01:06:58.160
And I just want to say this, I want to say that when you're asking God, you're surrendering

1033
01:06:58.160 --> 01:07:01.800
control to God as well, and you're saying, "Hey God, you know, teach me, show me, heal

1034
01:07:01.800 --> 01:07:07.040
me, grow me," and you have something going on like this that you refuse to see, you've

1035
01:07:07.040 --> 01:07:12.160
given God permission to teach you, show you, heal you, grow you, because I have had someone

1036
01:07:12.160 --> 01:07:17.400
on my staff that overworked, that over function, they were very valuable and also really good

1037
01:07:17.400 --> 01:07:23.520
at what they did, but God showed me many times in prayer that they were burning out, and

1038
01:07:23.520 --> 01:07:25.800
I had to force sabbatical them.

1039
01:07:25.800 --> 01:07:26.800
Yeah.

1040
01:07:26.800 --> 01:07:27.800
And guess what?

1041
01:07:27.800 --> 01:07:29.320
They didn't like it, and they were very offended.

1042
01:07:29.320 --> 01:07:30.320
Yeah.

1043
01:07:30.320 --> 01:07:31.320
Yeah.

1044
01:07:31.320 --> 01:07:34.840
And I ended up having to force sabbatical, and they were fine after the fact, but, you know,

1045
01:07:34.840 --> 01:07:39.760
when we give God permission to kind of intervene in the things that, you know, we're doing that

1046
01:07:39.760 --> 01:07:45.280
are sabotaging our lives, don't be surprised if something gets taken out of your control,

1047
01:07:45.280 --> 01:07:50.160
because you already said, "God, I give you control to do what you need to do in order

1048
01:07:50.160 --> 01:07:51.600
to stop me from doing this."

1049
01:07:51.600 --> 01:07:52.600
So it's good stuff.

1050
01:07:52.600 --> 01:07:53.600
Thank you.

1051
01:07:53.600 --> 01:07:54.600
Carly.

1052
01:07:54.600 --> 01:07:55.600
Angie, go ahead.

1053
01:07:55.600 --> 01:07:58.560
Just a quick question.

1054
01:07:58.560 --> 01:08:00.320
I was looking at the homework.

1055
01:08:00.320 --> 01:08:06.360
What are some examples of test someone's interest and build a case?

1056
01:08:06.360 --> 01:08:10.560
Building a case, building a case is when, you know, you begin to build a case against

1057
01:08:10.560 --> 01:08:15.240
someone, like, you know, you're suspicious of something, and, you know, or you think

1058
01:08:15.240 --> 01:08:18.840
that they're rejecting, you think that they have an attitude against you, and you start

1059
01:08:18.840 --> 01:08:21.399
building a case in your mind, "Well, you know what?

1060
01:08:21.399 --> 01:08:25.319
They were supposed to do this, but then they didn't show up, and then, you know, and then

1061
01:08:25.319 --> 01:08:26.760
they canceled the next week."

1062
01:08:26.760 --> 01:08:29.720
Or when we were together, you know, they were looking at their phone and they, you start

1063
01:08:29.720 --> 01:08:37.760
building a case, like a court case against them to try to prove the belief that you have

1064
01:08:37.760 --> 01:08:38.760
about what's happening.

1065
01:08:38.760 --> 01:08:42.800
Instead of just communicating and saying, "Hey, you seem a little distant.

1066
01:08:42.800 --> 01:08:43.800
Are you all right?"

1067
01:08:43.800 --> 01:08:44.800
Yeah.

1068
01:08:44.800 --> 01:08:45.800
What's test someone's interest?

1069
01:08:45.800 --> 01:08:46.800
How do you do that?

1070
01:08:46.800 --> 01:08:50.080
When you test whether or not they're really interested in you, like, when you play games

1071
01:08:50.080 --> 01:08:51.080
with them.

1072
01:08:51.080 --> 01:08:52.080
Likewise.

1073
01:08:52.080 --> 01:08:53.080
Sorry.

1074
01:08:53.080 --> 01:08:55.279
Angie is super literal.

1075
01:08:55.279 --> 01:09:01.920
When you would play a game, like see, like, I'm trying to think of something, it'd be different

1076
01:09:01.920 --> 01:09:06.240
based on all of your personality types, and if you don't understand that one, you probably

1077
01:09:06.240 --> 01:09:11.520
don't do it, okay, but so does everyone else understand what it means to test someone's

1078
01:09:11.520 --> 01:09:12.520
interest?

1079
01:09:12.520 --> 01:09:13.520
Like, kind of test them.

1080
01:09:13.520 --> 01:09:14.520
Okay.

1081
01:09:14.520 --> 01:09:15.520
A lot of people nodding yet.

1082
01:09:15.520 --> 01:09:16.520
So, Angie, it's just probably not something you do.

1083
01:09:16.520 --> 01:09:20.960
Like, for instance, when I was dating my first husband, I just call myself out.

1084
01:09:20.960 --> 01:09:21.960
I was very young.

1085
01:09:21.960 --> 01:09:27.279
You guys got married at 20, but when I was dating him, like, in my late teen years, this

1086
01:09:27.279 --> 01:09:33.800
is terrible, but I used to, like, pretend there was this guy.

1087
01:09:33.800 --> 01:09:38.720
It was the name of one of my brother's friends, but, you know, him and I, I mean, there was

1088
01:09:38.720 --> 01:09:45.960
nothing going on, but I would, like, pretend that this fictional person, like, liked me.

1089
01:09:45.960 --> 01:09:49.520
Because my boyfriend that later became my husband was long distance.

1090
01:09:49.520 --> 01:09:51.960
He was two and a half hours away when I was a teenager.

1091
01:09:51.960 --> 01:09:56.600
And so, I would pretend that this guy was, like, hitting on me or liked me, you know,

1092
01:09:56.600 --> 01:09:59.960
and stuff, just to see his reaction, kind of to test his interest at me.

1093
01:10:06.160 --> 01:10:11.120
forgetful. So I thought by making him jealous that would test whether or not he was interested

1094
01:10:11.120 --> 01:10:15.920
in me. If he was jealous he was still interested and if he didn't care he wasn't. Make sense?

1095
01:10:15.920 --> 01:10:24.880
This is not healthy behavior. I was a very bad anxious disorder-detacher. Okay, Helen, go ahead.

1096
01:10:27.280 --> 01:10:35.200
Does the ability or inability I guess I could say to maintain long-term friendships? Is that

1097
01:10:35.200 --> 01:10:41.760
our reflection of the romantic thing? Like do those two go together? I mean it depends. You know

1098
01:10:41.760 --> 01:10:47.120
friendships, they ebb and flow, you're really really blessed if you have some life for friends,

1099
01:10:47.120 --> 01:10:52.080
people that have just been with you through every season of your life and that's beautiful but if

1100
01:10:52.080 --> 01:10:55.680
that doesn't happen to you it doesn't mean you're not a good friend and it doesn't mean that you

1101
01:10:55.680 --> 01:11:02.320
don't have the capacity for long-term relationship. Now I want you to do an inventory when we do the

1102
01:11:02.320 --> 01:11:08.400
relationship inventory and if you have a bunch of friendships that ended because of bad patterns

1103
01:11:08.400 --> 01:11:16.080
then we got to look at that. Okay, where the hell can go? She likes others. Okay, yeah I have a tendency

1104
01:11:16.080 --> 01:11:19.760
to write people off when they do something I don't agree with which is really bad.

1105
01:11:23.600 --> 01:11:26.640
Just so you know your future husband's going to do things you don't agree with.

1106
01:11:26.640 --> 01:11:35.120
Yeah, hopefully they won't be anything serious but I mean if you guys have any of you think that

1107
01:11:35.120 --> 01:11:39.360
you're going to be married to someone that you always agree with and that UCI'd eye with or that

1108
01:11:39.360 --> 01:11:47.360
even has the same morals as you in some topic that comes to light, you're not. All right, Audra what

1109
01:11:47.360 --> 01:12:01.040
you got? Yeah, so on the counterfeit can you touch on the fantasizer? I recognize myself in the past

1110
01:12:01.040 --> 01:12:07.360
I would meet somebody and I would make up this whole fantasy relationship when we weren't in

1111
01:12:07.360 --> 01:12:16.000
relationship and I don't know if that was out of fear of approaching them or being I don't do it

1112
01:12:16.000 --> 01:12:22.960
as much anymore in fact I recognize when I go down that path and I break that off but I'm just curious

1113
01:12:22.960 --> 01:12:29.680
kind of where that's rooted. It's rooted usually in anxious attachments called limerants so when we

1114
01:12:29.680 --> 01:12:34.720
begin to fantasize obsess about someone think about someone outside of the context of what they

1115
01:12:34.720 --> 01:12:41.120
really are who they really are to us and and yeah it really is unhealthy and you guys mostly it's

1116
01:12:41.120 --> 01:12:47.200
unhealthy because it blocks real relationship because if all of your relationship capacity is

1117
01:12:47.200 --> 01:12:54.800
being used in this fantasy then you don't really have the desire to you know be in a real relationship

1118
01:12:54.800 --> 01:12:59.760
like it's kind of it's taking your hunger away from that this is why I'm not pro masturbation now

1119
01:12:59.760 --> 01:13:05.360
please do not get all guilty and full of shame if you masturbate and don't write me emails about

1120
01:13:05.360 --> 01:13:11.120
you know how legalistic it is for me to not be pro masturbation I'm not on team masturbation

1121
01:13:11.120 --> 01:13:16.800
because I feel like the sex drive is part of what causes you to get out there and meet people

1122
01:13:16.800 --> 01:13:24.000
and so if you are satiating it you're satisfying it yourself two things are happening

1123
01:13:24.000 --> 01:13:29.040
you're you know it's taking away some of the drive that will cause you to go and look for

1124
01:13:29.040 --> 01:13:36.720
relationship and be you know motivated for that especially men Dan because you know that's big

1125
01:13:36.720 --> 01:13:42.080
for you guys you know you're looking for a mate and then and women to you I mean women want to

1126
01:13:42.080 --> 01:13:48.320
have sex to you but men specifically porn and masturbation is the enemy's huge weapon against

1127
01:13:48.320 --> 01:13:54.480
you know men going out and looking for their mates it's a huge huge huge obstacle for that

1128
01:13:55.120 --> 01:13:59.920
because of all the shame that's attached to it and then of course just the self-gratifying

1129
01:13:59.920 --> 01:14:05.920
and then that's the second problem with it is that it kind of puts you um like on the throne

1130
01:14:05.920 --> 01:14:14.720
of of sex and you're you know your your sexual relationship with yourself and then of course

1131
01:14:14.720 --> 01:14:21.600
with someone else someday like your satisfaction it puts that as top priority right because if you're

1132
01:14:21.600 --> 01:14:26.880
used to self-satisfying then you're going to be in a relationship sexually with someone and

1133
01:14:26.880 --> 01:14:33.040
you know it's going to be about your satisfaction not really about the connection or the intimacy

1134
01:14:33.040 --> 01:14:40.080
does that make any sense to anybody so it's like we don't want to put sexual satisfaction

1135
01:14:40.080 --> 01:14:48.080
or self-satisfaction at the top of that pyramid we want to put closeness and intimacy and into

1136
01:14:48.080 --> 01:14:52.480
me see and you know that's what we want to put at the top of that pyramid regardless of whether or

1137
01:14:52.480 --> 01:14:58.400
not there's any type of sexual release or satisfaction because as you get older there might not be

1138
01:14:58.400 --> 01:14:59.760
all the time.

1139
01:15:04.400 --> 01:15:09.920
You know that is the hierarchy that you have in that area. I don't even know how we got on this topic

1140
01:15:09.920 --> 01:15:13.640
I got on this topic, but it's still good information Vivian go ahead

1141
01:15:13.640 --> 01:15:17.560
Yes, so as I'm like

1142
01:15:17.560 --> 01:15:22.020
diving into my my counterfeit I was just wondering cuz like the

1143
01:15:22.020 --> 01:15:29.400
prosecutor and it's detective are my main ones and like you said I feel like it's more I'm seeing it as it's

1144
01:15:30.320 --> 01:15:31.760
protection for me

1145
01:15:31.760 --> 01:15:36.860
So I'm starting to identify when I do that and for me. I feel like okay

1146
01:15:36.860 --> 01:15:44.600
Identify and what am I doing here because to me? I do want to continue to protect myself just because of past harms

1147
01:15:44.600 --> 01:15:52.280
The what do I do now that we're getting because you have the whole court system going on

1148
01:15:54.240 --> 01:15:59.360
Detective she got the prosecutor, you know, she got the judge. Okay, so this is what I want you to do

1149
01:15:59.360 --> 01:16:04.880
For right now, you're going to have to really pray into being God-defended instead of self-defended. I

1150
01:16:04.880 --> 01:16:08.840
Need you to retire all of those positions

1151
01:16:08.840 --> 01:16:15.960
Detective and prosecutor right now and I need you to trust that God's going to show you what you need to see and this is important

1152
01:16:15.960 --> 01:16:18.280
If you need to see it

1153
01:16:18.280 --> 01:16:21.000
what and if I

1154
01:16:21.640 --> 01:16:26.720
Say that because there's things about people that we're going to be in relationship with deep friendship

1155
01:16:26.720 --> 01:16:34.320
Deep romantic and then marriage with that they have stuff that you don't necessarily need to see because yeah

1156
01:16:34.320 --> 01:16:41.000
It will cause you if you are like the kind of person who's going to always be looking for red flags or be scared or

1157
01:16:41.000 --> 01:16:44.720
You know just always looking for the flaws or the problems or the things

1158
01:16:44.720 --> 01:16:49.280
It's going to cause you to cut and run before you can really see the person's character

1159
01:16:49.600 --> 01:16:53.520
You know before you can see their consistency and they're you know

1160
01:16:53.520 --> 01:17:00.800
The other things that are more important than whatever this thing is yes, this thing is existing, but it's not as important as this

1161
01:17:00.800 --> 01:17:06.240
Right I use this example often. I did not see

1162
01:17:06.240 --> 01:17:09.240
How at the time it's not true anymore

1163
01:17:09.240 --> 01:17:14.280
But I did not see at the time that I was falling in love and marrying my husband in eight months of meeting him

1164
01:17:14.280 --> 01:17:18.560
I did not see how toxic his former wife was

1165
01:17:19.360 --> 01:17:20.560
I

1166
01:17:20.560 --> 01:17:23.160
Did not see that had I seen that

1167
01:17:23.160 --> 01:17:30.600
It wouldn't have been good. I can't say that I wouldn't have married him, but I'm I actually might not have

1168
01:17:30.600 --> 01:17:34.800
Okay

1169
01:17:34.800 --> 01:17:39.120
Because my nervous system has low tolerance for drama I

1170
01:17:39.120 --> 01:17:45.160
Had already been through hell with that gasoline underwear on I wasn't signing up to be in another person's war

1171
01:17:45.640 --> 01:17:48.320
That I didn't enlist to be in

1172
01:17:48.320 --> 01:17:54.400
But the first two years of our marriage were really really difficult, but guess what I had the grace to be there and

1173
01:17:54.400 --> 01:17:58.320
Now we're really really good friends with his former wife and

1174
01:17:58.320 --> 01:18:02.840
Things have completely shifted. I mean we are 20 years in

1175
01:18:02.840 --> 01:18:09.160
But it was just really the first two years that were really the hardest time and had I known that going in had I seen that

1176
01:18:09.160 --> 01:18:14.280
Because I'm also a very prophetic person had I seen that had I discerned that

1177
01:18:15.400 --> 01:18:16.400
I

1178
01:18:16.400 --> 01:18:18.400
may have you know

1179
01:18:18.400 --> 01:18:20.400
not allowed myself to

1180
01:18:20.400 --> 01:18:23.920
Do this

1181
01:18:23.920 --> 01:18:27.480
Or may have taken me a lot lot lot longer to do it so

1182
01:18:27.480 --> 01:18:32.880
These are so you have the added protection Vivian of being here. This is why you're here

1183
01:18:32.880 --> 01:18:37.800
So your god defense system is not just you seeing what you need to see and when you need to see it

1184
01:18:37.800 --> 01:18:41.560
It's us. It's me. It's us seeing what we need to see and

1185
01:18:41.560 --> 01:18:44.800
telling you

1186
01:18:44.800 --> 01:18:51.120
Hey, you know what? I mean we did it the other day you Marco Poloed me and you explained a situation with a guy that you

1187
01:18:51.120 --> 01:18:53.120
Had been talking to and I was like now

1188
01:18:53.120 --> 01:18:58.440
Yeah, two thumbs down, right? Okay, so

1189
01:18:58.440 --> 01:19:04.560
You can trust that you are safe that you are protected that you are God defended now friends

1190
01:19:04.560 --> 01:19:10.720
I just want to say this if you just want to do whatever you want to do even though you know, it's not right

1191
01:19:10.720 --> 01:19:12.880
That's a whole different story

1192
01:19:12.880 --> 01:19:18.680
If you just because the chemistry is so intense and you just want to do what you want to do even though

1193
01:19:18.680 --> 01:19:20.680
You know, it's not right

1194
01:19:20.680 --> 01:19:23.960
And don't tell me they're not people that do that because I coach people

1195
01:19:23.960 --> 01:19:28.920
This is what I do and I know that they do it because I've coached them before they did it

1196
01:19:28.920 --> 01:19:30.920
And then also after they did it

1197
01:19:30.920 --> 01:19:34.080
Even though they knew they should

1198
01:19:34.080 --> 01:19:42.180
Guys I called someone at 2 a.m. In the morning and literally begged them not to get married the next day

1199
01:19:42.480 --> 01:19:44.880
And they did and they're divorced

1200
01:19:44.880 --> 01:19:48.080
I beg them

1201
01:19:48.080 --> 01:19:54.080
Somebody is going to see what you cannot see when you trust God in this process

1202
01:19:54.080 --> 01:19:59.720
And if you have a teachable spirit and you are not the person that just wants to have it your own way

1203
01:20:03.560 --> 01:20:05.200
then you're gonna be okay.

1204
01:20:05.200 --> 01:20:06.040
All right?

1205
01:20:06.040 --> 01:20:07.880
Everybody?

1206
01:20:07.880 --> 01:20:10.240
All right.

1207
01:20:10.240 --> 01:20:11.880
All right, are we, you guys, are we,

1208
01:20:11.880 --> 01:20:13.120
are we getting breakthrough?

1209
01:20:13.120 --> 01:20:15.340
Are we starting to see things and learn things?

1210
01:20:15.340 --> 01:20:18.540
Are we gonna be like the best positioned for love

1211
01:20:18.540 --> 01:20:21.720
of all people that ever lived on the earth?

1212
01:20:21.720 --> 01:20:24.360
Yes, a thousand percent.

1213
01:20:24.360 --> 01:20:26.520
And guess what?

1214
01:20:26.520 --> 01:20:30.080
What we make room for shows up.

1215
01:20:30.080 --> 01:20:31.360
All right, I love y'all.

1216
01:20:31.360 --> 01:20:32.320
I'll see you on Thursday.

1217
01:20:32.320 --> 01:20:34.020
Don't forget, show up in all your places.

1218
01:20:34.020 --> 01:20:34.860
I'll be there.

1219
01:20:34.860 --> 01:20:35.700
Bye.