WEBVTT

1
00:00:11.880 --> 00:00:17.360
a really great time because I've been having a great time. The book club has been such

2
00:00:17.360 --> 00:00:25.080
a fun, big joy for me since I published the book in June. You guys are the last and final

3
00:00:25.080 --> 00:00:32.600
book club of 2026. And you're graduating! You're graduating even though it's a book club and

4
00:00:32.600 --> 00:00:36.560
it should have just been kind of a fun thing. As you can see, it's been more of a course.

5
00:00:36.560 --> 00:00:40.280
Kind of sell them what they want, give them what they need, right? That's what we got

6
00:00:40.280 --> 00:00:47.360
to do to get you in here. And hopefully you feel like you have some really amazing tools

7
00:00:47.360 --> 00:00:54.120
in which to go farther faster. You know, today's the first day of Fall, you guys, and I purposely

8
00:00:54.120 --> 00:01:00.440
had this book club end. I actually had to delay it one week to make it end on the first day

9
00:01:00.440 --> 00:01:05.920
of Fall because I believe that God is a God of times and of seasons and my husband and

10
00:01:05.920 --> 00:01:10.160
I fell in love in the Fall. I actually posted a picture on Instagram today of us 20 years

11
00:01:10.160 --> 00:01:18.120
ago in the Fall. Go check it out. Lovebirds, David and Jackie 20 years ago in the Fall.

12
00:01:18.120 --> 00:01:22.480
But what's really significant about that is that we weren't in love in the summer. We

13
00:01:22.480 --> 00:01:26.160
weren't in love in the spring. He actually moved in next door to me in the springtime,

14
00:01:26.160 --> 00:01:31.000
so I was acquainted with him. But we fell in love in Fall. Our relationship actually

15
00:01:31.000 --> 00:01:37.980
started in the Fall and then, you know, the rest is history. But, you know, everything...

16
00:01:37.980 --> 00:01:42.280
There's no big romance brewing. You know, there's all kinds of people in your life right

17
00:01:42.280 --> 00:01:46.960
now that you probably could never imagine having a romance with or marrying or being

18
00:01:46.960 --> 00:01:55.840
in any kind of, you know, relationship with. But maybe they... Maybe you will be. Maybe

19
00:01:55.840 --> 00:02:00.000
you will be. Maybe there's something there that wasn't there before and that's not true

20
00:02:00.000 --> 00:02:06.160
of all of you. But for us, that was true. And so we fell in love in the Fall. And what

21
00:02:06.160 --> 00:02:10.639
I think is so special about that is that there was wasn't, you know, there wasn't anything

22
00:02:10.639 --> 00:02:16.120
happening in either one of our lives in this area before that. So that's how quick things

23
00:02:16.120 --> 00:02:20.620
can change. Do you believe things can change really fast? Because they really can. And

24
00:02:20.620 --> 00:02:24.080
I think that the most important thing is, and I said this to one of my one-on-one clients

25
00:02:24.080 --> 00:02:30.560
today, to me, it's not, you know, it's not about if it's going to happen. I believe it's

26
00:02:30.560 --> 00:02:36.440
going to happen. It's about when it does happen, will you be ready for it? Will you be able

27
00:02:36.440 --> 00:02:40.080
to sustain it? Will you be able to open your heart? Will you be able to let love in? Will

28
00:02:40.080 --> 00:02:45.320
you not be distracted by people who are not serious? That's what this book club has been

29
00:02:45.320 --> 00:02:51.880
all about. It's been about helping you to peel back the layers of what might be keeping

30
00:02:51.880 --> 00:02:58.400
you stuck, all the counterfeits, all the self-sabotage, but also about how to recognize someone

31
00:02:58.400 --> 00:03:04.160
who also has pulled back the layers. How do you recognize someone who also is not operating

32
00:03:04.160 --> 00:03:10.120
in counterfeits, who also isn't sabotaging, who ladies is masculine marriage, masculine

33
00:03:10.120 --> 00:03:15.760
mature and marriage-minded, gentlemen who is feminine, mature and marriage-minded? How

34
00:03:15.760 --> 00:03:19.440
do we do that? Well, that's what we've been doing. And hopefully, you feel a whole lot

35
00:03:19.440 --> 00:03:25.080
more confident in your ability to choose well. You're whole, a whole lot more confident in

36
00:03:25.080 --> 00:03:32.600
your ability to be discovered, ladies, to be findable. And gentlemen, what to do when

37
00:03:32.600 --> 00:03:37.960
you do find a lady that you want to get to know better and that you have an interest

38
00:03:37.960 --> 00:03:43.040
in. Hopefully, all of you have read through all of your homework, teach you how to flirt

39
00:03:43.040 --> 00:03:48.160
a little bit, teach you how to strike up a conversation in the wild, because a lot of

40
00:03:48.160 --> 00:03:53.120
people don't know how to do that anymore. Super awkward, folks. Don't know what to do

41
00:03:53.120 --> 00:03:58.800
in the wild. It used to be organic because that was the only place we had to meet anybody

42
00:03:58.800 --> 00:04:04.440
back in the day. When I was a kid, you met everyone at the mall. That's where you were.

43
00:04:04.440 --> 00:04:08.800
You met everyone at the movies. You met everyone at the roller skating rink. You met everybody

44
00:04:08.800 --> 00:04:14.720
at the mall. You met everybody at school. You met everybody at the football game. This

45
00:04:14.720 --> 00:04:20.360
is where you met people of the opposite sex. You met everybody at college, at a college

46
00:04:20.360 --> 00:04:25.280
party, at a party that you were invited to. These were places where you met people. You

47
00:04:25.280 --> 00:04:32.560
met people at work, at your job, whatever little job you had when you were in school.

48
00:04:32.560 --> 00:04:37.720
These are the places that you met people. Depending on what you did in your city, my

49
00:04:37.720 --> 00:04:43.120
cousin lived in a city where everyone would just go to this strip, this street, and drive

50
00:04:43.120 --> 00:04:49.040
their cars up and down the street at nighttime in a little town outside of Nashville, Tennessee.

51
00:04:49.040 --> 00:04:54.080
That's where all the young people congregated back when she was a teenager, and that is

52
00:04:54.080 --> 00:04:59.880
where she met her guy. Community is where you met people.

53
00:05:04.160 --> 00:05:10.720
Volleyball club it could have been anything back then it could be your local mall. That's your community that goes there

54
00:05:10.720 --> 00:05:12.720
You don't got strangers at your mall

55
00:05:12.720 --> 00:05:18.960
Back in the day back in the mall days the people that went to your mall were people that lived by that mall, right?

56
00:05:18.960 --> 00:05:22.720
That was still your community and so those days

57
00:05:22.720 --> 00:05:26.720
They're by gone for sure, but they don't have to be over

58
00:05:28.000 --> 00:05:31.600
They don't have to be over we can bring them back and so i'm working to bring them back

59
00:05:31.600 --> 00:05:35.680
And for those of you that are thinking of rolling over into last year's single

60
00:05:35.680 --> 00:05:39.920
Let me see how many people are not currently in last year's single just raise your little yellow avatar hand

61
00:05:39.920 --> 00:05:43.040
We don't really have that many people on here live tonight just 26 people

62
00:05:43.040 --> 00:05:45.040
Raise your hand

63
00:05:45.040 --> 00:05:50.960
You're going to find the link to take advantage of that 37 dollar offer in the resource tab

64
00:05:50.960 --> 00:05:55.120
Of the last year single app in your modern dating sucks group

65
00:05:55.440 --> 00:05:59.680
So there's a little word that says resources tap that it's in there. Okay

66
00:05:59.680 --> 00:06:05.680
Um, hopefully the five six of you that are not already in the program will go ahead and

67
00:06:05.680 --> 00:06:10.160
Take a chance step in there. It's never been a better time to join because

68
00:06:10.160 --> 00:06:17.360
Um, we are going to be releasing our new app and our app has community based match making opportunities

69
00:06:17.360 --> 00:06:23.920
Ladies for you, especially it has something called jackie's list. So if you ever wonder where all the great guys are they're on jackie's list

70
00:06:24.000 --> 00:06:28.720
That's where they are. Um, so um, hopefully guys will check that out

71
00:06:28.720 --> 00:06:33.280
All right, I want to dig in because we don't have that long. We're going to have a lot of q&a tonight

72
00:06:33.280 --> 00:06:36.880
I see a couple of people's hands are already up. Hopefully you're just have your hand up about

73
00:06:36.880 --> 00:06:39.280
rolling over

74
00:06:39.280 --> 00:06:45.040
When is the app coming out? It's in beta right now. So as soon as the bugs get worked out, then it will be releasing

75
00:06:45.040 --> 00:06:47.120
So hopefully sooner rather than later

76
00:06:47.120 --> 00:06:48.800
Um, we

77
00:06:48.800 --> 00:06:51.920
And for those of you that don't know what beta is beta isn't is testing

78
00:06:52.400 --> 00:06:56.480
That's what that means. It's it's testing. So it's technically done

79
00:06:56.480 --> 00:07:01.520
It's just in testing mode right now making sure that everybody everything works and

80
00:07:01.520 --> 00:07:08.640
All of the all the stuff. Um, I can answer I can answer questions and during our q&a tonight

81
00:07:08.640 --> 00:07:10.640
Because we're going to have an extensive q&a tonight

82
00:07:10.640 --> 00:07:15.680
Most of tonight's going to be a q&a for all of you that really wanted to ask questions didn't get a chance to

83
00:07:15.680 --> 00:07:18.240
only for review

84
00:07:18.240 --> 00:07:22.000
Use the opportunity to ask questions in the app or in the facebook group

85
00:07:22.640 --> 00:07:24.640
I

86
00:07:24.640 --> 00:07:29.840
Barely any of you asked any questions a couple of you guys posted your wins. I appreciate that. Love that

87
00:07:29.840 --> 00:07:36.240
But I think there were 60 something people signed up for this go around and

88
00:07:36.240 --> 00:07:38.960
the same for people

89
00:07:38.960 --> 00:07:42.080
Took advantage of their opportunity to ask

90
00:07:42.080 --> 00:07:47.200
Someone who has helped almost 2,000 people get married in the last six years questions

91
00:07:47.840 --> 00:07:52.080
So you have an opportunity tonight at the end to ask some questions. We're going to have to do them

92
00:07:52.080 --> 00:07:56.480
Kind of pop corn round because there might be a lot of people who want to get in on that. All right

93
00:07:56.480 --> 00:07:58.160
So let's make sure that

94
00:07:58.160 --> 00:08:04.960
We aren't telling 20 minutes of backstory for every question when we get to q&a and I will answer any questions about last year single

95
00:08:04.960 --> 00:08:06.000
All right

96
00:08:06.000 --> 00:08:14.240
Okay friends. So in this reading assignment, you saw that structure beats chaos every day right every day and twice on sundays

97
00:08:14.240 --> 00:08:20.400
We want to have structure and one of the things that we lost in our new dating age that none of us likes is structure

98
00:08:20.400 --> 00:08:26.320
We don't like the stating age that we're in and the reason why is because no one knows what they're supposed to do

99
00:08:26.320 --> 00:08:32.799
The rules have completely changed and also no new rules really were created

100
00:08:32.799 --> 00:08:34.640
now

101
00:08:34.640 --> 00:08:39.679
For those of you that are christians for those of you that are church going folks the church kind of tried to step in

102
00:08:40.400 --> 00:08:44.320
In the 90s and give its own rules and its own rules were don't date at all

103
00:08:44.320 --> 00:08:47.600
Just don't date

104
00:08:47.600 --> 00:08:50.160
And I feel like churches are holding true to that even though

105
00:08:50.160 --> 00:08:56.800
People say the purity movements over and people say that I dated I christ i kissed dating goodbye is over

106
00:08:56.800 --> 00:09:02.640
Even the author of that book says that that's over. Okay, but even though that all happened

107
00:09:02.640 --> 00:09:07.360
I feel like we have held on to the tenants of

108
00:09:07.920 --> 00:09:12.160
That mindset which is you shouldn't date you shouldn't want to date

109
00:09:12.160 --> 00:09:19.040
You should just meet your spouse and marry them and you will know who they are because God will send them. That's ridiculous

110
00:09:19.040 --> 00:09:21.680
Okay

111
00:09:21.680 --> 00:09:22.960
Now

112
00:09:22.960 --> 00:09:26.240
I'm going to say that but then i'm also going to say this because it can be both the end

113
00:09:26.240 --> 00:09:30.160
I have no doubt in my mind. In fact, my husband was saying this to me today

114
00:09:30.160 --> 00:09:36.080
Because you guys I had to get on bumble for something and i'm swiping through the men on bumble gentlemen

115
00:09:36.160 --> 00:09:38.880
This is no knock on you. I know there's a few of you in here

116
00:09:38.880 --> 00:09:41.520
But these guys

117
00:09:41.520 --> 00:09:43.440
Oh my gosh

118
00:09:43.440 --> 00:09:45.040
They just need some help

119
00:09:45.040 --> 00:09:50.480
Their pictures and just different things on there. I was just like oh, this is and this is bumble like, you know, this isn't some

120
00:09:50.480 --> 00:09:56.160
Podunk app so i'm swiping through and i'm looking for something

121
00:09:56.160 --> 00:09:57.920
um

122
00:09:57.920 --> 00:09:59.920
And i'm swiping through and

123
00:10:03.140 --> 00:10:04.400
when I was doing it.

124
00:10:04.400 --> 00:10:07.720
I was like, "Man, babe, I'm so glad that we're not single."

125
00:10:07.720 --> 00:10:10.260
'Cause I was swiping through, oh, I know,

126
00:10:10.260 --> 00:10:13.180
I was swiping through the guys that were like 50 and over.

127
00:10:13.180 --> 00:10:14.540
And I'm swiping through and I'm like,

128
00:10:14.540 --> 00:10:15.900
"I'm so glad we're not single."

129
00:10:15.900 --> 00:10:17.780
And it's not because there wasn't any guys

130
00:10:17.780 --> 00:10:19.620
that were decent looking or whatever,

131
00:10:19.620 --> 00:10:22.900
but I was seeing what their bios and the reason why,

132
00:10:22.900 --> 00:10:24.420
oh, I remember, the reason why I was on there

133
00:10:24.420 --> 00:10:27.220
is because I was trying to get an idea

134
00:10:27.220 --> 00:10:32.220
about how to do a profile for our new app.

135
00:10:32.220 --> 00:10:34.220
Like, it's not a dating app, you guys,

136
00:10:34.220 --> 00:10:35.580
and it's not gonna look like a dating app,

137
00:10:35.580 --> 00:10:38.080
so I don't wanna lead you astray by saying what I'm saying.

138
00:10:38.080 --> 00:10:41.060
I wanted to see how something was laid out.

139
00:10:41.060 --> 00:10:42.860
I just wanted to see a format of a layout.

140
00:10:42.860 --> 00:10:45.020
And so I was swiping through, looking at the layout,

141
00:10:45.020 --> 00:10:46.980
and a lot of those people hadn't even written bios

142
00:10:46.980 --> 00:10:48.740
about themselves, they hadn't even tried.

143
00:10:48.740 --> 00:10:52.140
They were already expressing low effort, ladies.

144
00:10:52.140 --> 00:10:53.980
I wanna tell all of you, men and women,

145
00:10:53.980 --> 00:10:56.580
if someone can't even fill out their profile

146
00:10:56.580 --> 00:11:00.620
on a dating app intentionally, this is a low effort person.

147
00:11:00.620 --> 00:11:03.060
This is a person who doesn't wanna be here already,

148
00:11:03.060 --> 00:11:06.220
and isn't going to, it isn't probably going

149
00:11:06.220 --> 00:11:08.100
to be a really great communicator to you

150
00:11:08.100 --> 00:11:11.500
because they already, and if their profile says something

151
00:11:11.500 --> 00:11:15.900
like just ask, no, no.

152
00:11:15.900 --> 00:11:19.020
You need to tell us why you're on here

153
00:11:19.020 --> 00:11:21.300
and who you are and what you're looking for.

154
00:11:21.300 --> 00:11:26.140
And if you can't even do that, come on, buy.

155
00:11:26.140 --> 00:11:29.260
Seriously, ladies or gentlemen, it doesn't matter who it is.

156
00:11:29.260 --> 00:11:32.900
If you expect us to just be looking at a picture book,

157
00:11:32.900 --> 00:11:34.060
this is not a picture book.

158
00:11:34.060 --> 00:11:36.420
We're not in preschool.

159
00:11:36.420 --> 00:11:41.060
We wanna know who you are, especially women do.

160
00:11:41.060 --> 00:11:43.260
Women, yeah, we look at the picture,

161
00:11:43.260 --> 00:11:45.500
but we want to see who this person is

162
00:11:45.500 --> 00:11:47.060
before we connect with them.

163
00:11:47.060 --> 00:11:49.180
So I was saying to my husband, "Man, ooh,

164
00:11:49.180 --> 00:11:50.580
"I'm glad we're not single."

165
00:11:50.580 --> 00:11:51.940
And he's like, "Yeah."

166
00:11:51.940 --> 00:11:53.140
And this is what I said to him.

167
00:11:53.140 --> 00:11:55.380
I said, "You'd be in big trouble."

168
00:11:55.380 --> 00:11:56.540
I said, "I would do fine."

169
00:11:56.540 --> 00:11:58.820
I said, "But you wouldn't be okay at all."

170
00:11:58.820 --> 00:12:01.580
'Cause he wouldn't.

171
00:12:01.580 --> 00:12:03.700
My husband has no game whatsoever.

172
00:12:03.700 --> 00:12:06.260
He would not be okay.

173
00:12:06.260 --> 00:12:09.900
And then that's when he said, and so this is both in.

174
00:12:09.900 --> 00:12:11.820
The church has said, "Hey, wait for your person,

175
00:12:11.820 --> 00:12:14.220
"and you'll know when they come and blah, blah, blah,

176
00:12:14.220 --> 00:12:16.420
"and why I don't ascribe to that,

177
00:12:16.420 --> 00:12:18.580
"and I do not believe that you should be doing that."

178
00:12:18.580 --> 00:12:22.340
My husband said, "It's very evident that God put you

179
00:12:22.340 --> 00:12:24.740
"where you were so that I can find you."

180
00:12:24.740 --> 00:12:26.020
And it was true.

181
00:12:26.020 --> 00:12:28.420
So both things can be true, you guys.

182
00:12:28.420 --> 00:12:29.940
Both things can be true.

183
00:12:29.940 --> 00:12:34.260
But it's also true that I could have rejected

184
00:12:34.260 --> 00:12:38.380
my husband's advances or affection or whatever,

185
00:12:38.380 --> 00:12:40.980
because I wasn't in the greatest place.

186
00:12:40.980 --> 00:12:43.220
I definitely could have rejected it.

187
00:12:43.220 --> 00:12:44.780
I wasn't in a mindset of it.

188
00:12:44.780 --> 00:12:46.940
I wasn't looking for it.

189
00:12:46.940 --> 00:12:49.940
It was a situation where I definitely was not healed.

190
00:12:49.940 --> 00:12:50.860
For those of you that are like,

191
00:12:50.860 --> 00:12:52.980
"Oh, I got a lot of healing to do before I can even think

192
00:12:52.980 --> 00:12:57.100
"about this, maybe not, maybe not, okay?"

193
00:12:57.100 --> 00:12:59.900
I'm not saying that you're not gonna have some obstacles

194
00:12:59.900 --> 00:13:03.220
to overcome so that you don't cut and run because you will.

195
00:13:03.220 --> 00:13:04.900
And I did, for sure.

196
00:13:04.900 --> 00:13:07.500
It wasn't an easy two years after we got married.

197
00:13:07.500 --> 00:13:08.820
We got married pretty quickly

198
00:13:08.820 --> 00:13:11.660
and the first two years were kind of hard.

199
00:13:11.660 --> 00:13:13.980
But all of that being said,

200
00:13:13.980 --> 00:13:15.900
there was a supernatural element to it.

201
00:13:15.900 --> 00:13:17.940
So I don't want you to think that there's not

202
00:13:17.940 --> 00:13:21.060
a supernatural element to this because there is.

203
00:13:21.060 --> 00:13:26.060
But I also know for a fact that you can dismiss people

204
00:13:26.060 --> 00:13:31.780
that cross your path divinely.

205
00:13:31.780 --> 00:13:33.060
Whether those are friendships,

206
00:13:33.060 --> 00:13:34.600
whether those are business partnerships,

207
00:13:34.600 --> 00:13:36.660
whether those are romantic connections,

208
00:13:36.660 --> 00:13:40.460
you can dismiss them because you're not relationship ready.

209
00:13:40.460 --> 00:13:41.300
You can.

210
00:13:41.300 --> 00:13:46.380
This whole idea of you can't miss what's meant for you

211
00:13:46.380 --> 00:13:48.580
is not true, okay?

212
00:13:48.580 --> 00:13:49.940
It's not true.

213
00:13:49.940 --> 00:13:52.580
Now, can you miss everything that's meant for you?

214
00:13:52.580 --> 00:13:53.780
Hopefully not.

215
00:13:53.780 --> 00:13:57.740
Hopefully you're not gonna walk around the mountain.

216
00:13:57.740 --> 00:13:58.580
I mean, okay.

217
00:13:58.580 --> 00:14:01.340
So if you wanna go ahead and go and dig in scripturally,

218
00:14:01.340 --> 00:14:03.260
for those of you, because I know the majority of you

219
00:14:03.260 --> 00:14:05.940
are Christians, that's why you join this.

220
00:14:05.940 --> 00:14:07.780
I do have people that joined from Instagram.

221
00:14:07.780 --> 00:14:09.340
So hang with us if you don't understand

222
00:14:09.340 --> 00:14:10.700
what we're talking about right now.

223
00:14:10.700 --> 00:14:13.260
I promise you will get to the nuts and bolts

224
00:14:13.260 --> 00:14:15.780
of the last few chapters of the book.

225
00:14:15.780 --> 00:14:18.900
But the children of Israel are a perfect example.

226
00:14:18.900 --> 00:14:22.380
The majority of them missed what was meant for them.

227
00:14:22.380 --> 00:14:24.140
Did they not?

228
00:14:24.140 --> 00:14:25.500
And how did they miss it?

229
00:14:25.500 --> 00:14:27.260
They missed it because of a blind spot.

230
00:14:27.260 --> 00:14:28.660
They missed it because of a mindset.

231
00:14:28.660 --> 00:14:30.980
They missed it because of an identity

232
00:14:30.980 --> 00:14:33.020
that they weren't allowing God to renew.

233
00:14:33.020 --> 00:14:36.860
And I know people don't like to hear that

234
00:14:36.860 --> 00:14:41.860
because people really want to believe that we're not,

235
00:14:41.860 --> 00:14:45.900
God's not gonna let us miss out.

236
00:14:45.900 --> 00:14:50.500
Now, God's gonna continue to give you opportunities to grow.

237
00:14:50.500 --> 00:14:53.060
He's gonna give you opportunities to stretch.

238
00:14:53.060 --> 00:14:55.260
He's gonna give you opportunities to learn

239
00:14:55.260 --> 00:14:57.940
and to become wiser and to become more healthy.

240
00:14:57.940 --> 00:15:00.500
He's gonna give you opportunities to do all that.

241
00:15:05.840 --> 00:15:14.400
Now, all of us in this virtual room, have we all missed out on blessings that God sent our way?

242
00:15:14.400 --> 00:15:20.240
A thousand percent we have. Does that mean the blessings are over? The blessing train has,

243
00:15:20.240 --> 00:15:22.880
you know, left the station. It's never coming back. No.

244
00:15:24.800 --> 00:15:29.360
The boats pulled into port and blew the horn and we didn't get on board and they

245
00:15:29.360 --> 00:15:35.360
sailed away and we, you know, we missed the boat. No. Yeah, we missed that boat, but trust

246
00:15:35.360 --> 00:15:42.320
me, there are boats pulling into your port every single day. Every single day, there's new boats

247
00:15:42.320 --> 00:15:48.080
pulling in. How do I know? The scripture tells us that God loves to give. He's a giver.

248
00:15:48.080 --> 00:15:54.080
And it's not just what he loves to do. It's who he is. He loves to give, give, give, give, give,

249
00:15:54.080 --> 00:15:59.920
give, give. Every good and perfect gift comes down from where? The father of lights. And so,

250
00:15:59.920 --> 00:16:06.080
God is going to continue to give you things, but sometimes those things are going to be disguised.

251
00:16:06.080 --> 00:16:10.880
They're not going to look like what you thought that you were wanting or what you thought you

252
00:16:10.880 --> 00:16:17.840
were signing up for, especially if your heart is still kind of in a corruptible place.

253
00:16:17.840 --> 00:16:23.280
Remember that scripture in Jeremiah where it says that the heart is deceitfully wicked and no one

254
00:16:23.280 --> 00:16:27.920
can know it. Yeah, that heart might lead you off a cliff a couple times, especially in the area of

255
00:16:27.920 --> 00:16:33.600
romance. But it's talking about the broken heart, just so you know, that scripture is specifically

256
00:16:33.600 --> 00:16:40.480
talking about a broken heart, an unredeemed heart. It's not talking about the new heart that you can

257
00:16:40.480 --> 00:16:48.560
receive through that conversion experience of accepting Christ, the finished work of the cross.

258
00:16:48.560 --> 00:16:53.200
It's not talking about that heart. But what I know to be true is that you have to continue to

259
00:16:53.200 --> 00:16:58.960
renew that heart by doing heart work. Because this world that we're living in, this culture that we

260
00:16:58.960 --> 00:17:04.160
live in, this era that you've been born into is constantly trying to bring out a counterfeit

261
00:17:04.160 --> 00:17:09.760
in you, isn't it? It's constantly trying to do that. It's constantly trying to tell you that,

262
00:17:09.760 --> 00:17:15.040
you know, you've been abandoned or forgotten. I had someone write in today and say that they feel like

263
00:17:15.040 --> 00:17:21.680
they're just a forgotten sheep. But our evidence tells us that that isn't possible. It says he

264
00:17:21.680 --> 00:17:27.359
leaves the 99 to go find the one. So it doesn't matter how we feel. All that matters is what is true.

265
00:17:27.359 --> 00:17:33.760
And that's what the children of Israel weren't able to really lean into. It didn't matter what

266
00:17:33.760 --> 00:17:39.040
was true. What mattered to them is how they felt in the moment. And so, yes, we do miss

267
00:17:39.040 --> 00:17:44.560
opportunities. We do miss out on some blessings. But the good news is that God is going to continue

268
00:17:44.560 --> 00:17:49.920
to give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give you opportunity to thrive and to win.

269
00:17:49.920 --> 00:17:58.560
And in this case, to be in love, to have a partnership doesn't mean it's going to be easy,

270
00:17:58.560 --> 00:18:04.400
but it doesn't have to be easy. It just has to be worth it. I've been saying that for probably a

271
00:18:04.400 --> 00:18:09.280
decade of time and I'm going to keep saying it because it's true. It's one of the main tenants of

272
00:18:09.280 --> 00:18:14.560
the heartwork. My book, The Heartwork, it doesn't have to be easy. It just has to be worth it. And it

273
00:18:14.560 --> 00:18:26.000
will be worth it. All right. So meeting in the wilds, learning what to do when you meet people,

274
00:18:26.000 --> 00:18:31.200
learning how to show interest. Would anyone just be honest and say, yeah, I'm like your husband. I

275
00:18:31.200 --> 00:18:35.360
don't really have a lot of game. I don't really know how to show interest. Ladies, you're like,

276
00:18:35.360 --> 00:18:43.600
I don't know how to drop the hanky. My level of showing interest in a man is looking away

277
00:18:43.600 --> 00:18:49.360
when he looks at me. And he's supposed to decipher that as, oh, yeah, she likes me. You're fine when

278
00:18:49.360 --> 00:18:53.200
you're around someone that you have an absolutely no romantic interest in it at all. You're just a

279
00:18:53.200 --> 00:18:59.280
completely normal person, but put someone around you that's kind of cute or you have any kind of

280
00:18:59.280 --> 00:19:04.160
intrigue with at all and you're going to become the most awkward weirdo that ever walked the earth.

281
00:19:04.880 --> 00:19:10.880
Anybody? And or you're just going to become like, just to like, you know, look totally like a mean

282
00:19:10.880 --> 00:19:15.520
person like, he's going to smile and you're going to be like, you're going to look away.

283
00:19:15.520 --> 00:19:21.680
Just so you know, that is the opposite of flirting. It's the opposite of flirting. Okay.

284
00:19:21.680 --> 00:19:28.960
Giving him a dirty look, stink eye, and then looking away is the opposite of flirting.

285
00:19:30.320 --> 00:19:35.680
So hopefully you read the very practical information that I wrote there. I was like, you know what?

286
00:19:35.680 --> 00:19:40.240
I could get into the nuances. And someday you guys, again, we do this in last year's single.

287
00:19:40.240 --> 00:19:45.280
We can have a flirting class. We can get into the nuances of flirting. But for the sake of the book,

288
00:19:45.280 --> 00:19:51.840
I just wanted to keep it super basic. What's going to work with everybody? Because here's what I know about

289
00:19:51.840 --> 00:19:59.520
men. If a woman that they are attracted to is paying attention to them, even if it's just

290
00:20:05.240 --> 00:20:11.440
right. If you are paying attention to them, if you are seeking them out for conversation,

291
00:20:11.440 --> 00:20:17.180
they are going to pick up on that. If they like you, if they don't make a move, then they

292
00:20:17.180 --> 00:20:24.240
probably don't. They probably don't. Even my super awkward husband who has no game, I

293
00:20:24.240 --> 00:20:31.920
had to be the person who made the first move, so to speak. I had to be that person. I had

294
00:20:31.920 --> 00:20:37.760
to flirt with him. And by flirting with him, that means making fun of him. Yes. That is

295
00:20:37.760 --> 00:20:44.600
what I did. I told him that he drives like a grandma because he was driving. Remember,

296
00:20:44.600 --> 00:20:50.000
we were neighbors. And now I'm kind of starting to vibe with him a little bit. I'm like,

297
00:20:50.000 --> 00:20:55.480
he's kind of cute. He's really nice. He's very sweet. He's very kind. He's very compassionate.

298
00:20:55.480 --> 00:20:59.160
He's so nice to my little daughter, you know, cause my little daughter and his little daughter

299
00:20:59.160 --> 00:21:09.000
were besties. And I was like, yeah, you know, hmm. I, yeah, I, you know, I kind of like him.

300
00:21:09.000 --> 00:21:13.640
And he pulled out before me, I ended up behind him at a traffic light right outside of our

301
00:21:13.640 --> 00:21:18.400
neighborhood. And this is, you know, texting had just become a thing. And I texted his

302
00:21:18.400 --> 00:21:25.380
phone and I said, you drive like a grandma. And I waited. We're at the light. I waited.

303
00:21:25.380 --> 00:21:29.960
I saw him look down. I saw him look up in the rear view mirror, like who's behind me. And

304
00:21:29.960 --> 00:21:43.960
it was, and I, hi, hello. And so, you know, so obviously he knew. And then he's like,

305
00:21:43.960 --> 00:21:48.960
I'm gonna go to the driving range. And, you know, the next time I saw him, he's like,

306
00:21:48.960 --> 00:21:53.080
I'm gonna go driving range cause he's a really good golfer. And you know, what do men want

307
00:21:53.080 --> 00:21:56.840
to do? They want to show off for you. They want to show you what they can do. And he's

308
00:21:56.840 --> 00:22:00.640
like, do you want to go to the driving range with me? And I was like, in my mind, I was

309
00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:06.440
like, no, but out loud, I was like, sure, ladies, sometimes you're gonna end up going

310
00:22:06.440 --> 00:22:11.680
somewhere. You don't want to go. All right. So that this man can show you what he can do.

311
00:22:11.680 --> 00:22:16.960
So I went to the driving range with him. And remember, we've known each other for months

312
00:22:16.960 --> 00:22:23.760
as neighbors, months, and have talked a lot cause our kids play together and even done

313
00:22:23.760 --> 00:22:28.600
a lot of like, you know, co-parenting type of things for each other, like pick kids up

314
00:22:28.600 --> 00:22:34.040
from school and summer and just did things for each other, right? And I go to the driving

315
00:22:34.040 --> 00:22:39.080
range with him. He's amazing. You know, I'm just like, I let him show me ladies. Let

316
00:22:39.080 --> 00:22:45.340
the guys show you. Um, guess what? My mom was a golf widow. My, my dad and my brother

317
00:22:45.340 --> 00:22:49.920
are practically pro golfers. I know how to golf. I have my own clubs. But I still let

318
00:22:49.920 --> 00:22:56.920
him show me how to swing the golf club. Right. Oh, is this how I do it? Okay. So I let him

319
00:22:56.920 --> 00:23:06.240
show me, I let him improve my form. And then when we were leaving, I promise you when we

320
00:23:06.240 --> 00:23:09.640
were leaving, even though he kind of helped me improve the form, he was so nervous. Now

321
00:23:09.640 --> 00:23:16.040
that I know him like in a romantic way, I know how he is. And, but I couldn't read him.

322
00:23:16.040 --> 00:23:20.960
He was so aloof, which is probably why I liked him because I had that whole anxious,

323
00:23:20.960 --> 00:23:25.800
avoidant dyad. And that's probably was sexy to me at some level like, Oh, he's aloof.

324
00:23:25.800 --> 00:23:30.000
You know, I can't tell if he really likes me or not. So I probably was vibing with that

325
00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:35.320
if I'm being honest. But as we're walking out to the car, he walks me over to my car.

326
00:23:35.320 --> 00:23:39.200
Once again, I'm just like, I don't know if this is ever going to happen again. I'm not

327
00:23:39.200 --> 00:23:45.240
even sure if this guy likes me. And I turn around and he's right there and he's like,

328
00:23:45.240 --> 00:23:50.360
can I give you a kiss? And I'm like, yes, yes, you can. And there we have it. Best kiss

329
00:23:50.360 --> 00:23:59.800
I ever had. Wonderful, amazing, incredible, really. And yes, that was great. I'm thinking

330
00:23:59.800 --> 00:24:04.360
about what happened next. What happened next is he left me on red for two days and didn't

331
00:24:04.360 --> 00:24:12.080
answer any of my text messages. And I was just like, what in the world just happened? And

332
00:24:12.080 --> 00:24:17.320
then I saw him and I did something that all of you need to do. I communicated and I communicated

333
00:24:17.320 --> 00:24:24.680
and said, Hey, what's up? And his, you know, it really was truly a very busy time at that

334
00:24:24.680 --> 00:24:28.840
he worked at a mega church and they were having like a big conference. And he's like, it's

335
00:24:28.840 --> 00:24:35.440
just the conference. You know, but he admitted that he was kind of freaking out because

336
00:24:35.440 --> 00:24:39.680
like he's got kids and he's divorced. And it's like, what does it look like to get into

337
00:24:39.680 --> 00:24:46.000
a relationship? But we communicated and we stayed connected and we stayed connected. And pretty

338
00:24:46.000 --> 00:24:50.080
soon after that, you know, we were girlfriend and boyfriend and the rest is history. Alright,

339
00:24:50.080 --> 00:24:57.040
so I made the first move. That's what that whole story was about. And friends, lady friends,

340
00:24:57.040 --> 00:24:59.220
You might have to make the first move.

341
00:25:04.360 --> 00:25:12.120
get, you know, they wouldn't get all upset if they had to show interest first. Raise your

342
00:25:12.120 --> 00:25:21.080
hand. Let's see it. And then the rest of you are going to have to explain yourself. Alright,

343
00:25:21.080 --> 00:25:26.240
get your hands up. If you are willing to drop the hanky, I don't mean the make mean the

344
00:25:26.240 --> 00:25:30.560
first move, like go and try to kiss some guy or, you know, do something crazy, like, you

345
00:25:30.560 --> 00:25:35.680
know, whatever. I don't know what you think I mean by that. But what I mean is you have

346
00:25:35.680 --> 00:25:43.720
to initiate interest in some way, the way that I did by teasing him by being playful,

347
00:25:43.720 --> 00:25:49.000
by being present. Alright, now there's some of you that are like, no, I wouldn't do that.

348
00:25:49.000 --> 00:25:53.640
So I'm going to call you out and I'm going to ask you why. Natalia, why wouldn't you

349
00:25:53.640 --> 00:26:03.680
do that? Okay, um, not that I wouldn't. I think I'm just thinking of a situation where

350
00:26:03.680 --> 00:26:08.640
I dropped the hanky a bunch of times and it wasn't for too many, or it was reciprocated

351
00:26:08.640 --> 00:26:12.800
but it was just a big signal. And so I felt like I was like putting myself out there

352
00:26:12.800 --> 00:26:19.200
consistently and the ended didn't work out and I was like super bummed. But I just think

353
00:26:19.200 --> 00:26:25.000
it's like, it's actually that situation should be good. Would you actually good? But I think

354
00:26:25.000 --> 00:26:31.400
it just might have a situation that didn't bring out the way I got of and it might not.

355
00:26:31.400 --> 00:26:34.880
And here's the thing. And she said something she didn't really say this, but this is what

356
00:26:34.880 --> 00:26:41.240
I thought of when she said what she said. Ladies, just because you initiate a, you know, initially

357
00:26:41.240 --> 00:26:49.760
once you're in some sort of, you know, some sort of product about initiation, once you're

358
00:26:49.760 --> 00:26:53.880
on a date or you hang out together because of your initiation, you drop the hanky, he

359
00:26:53.880 --> 00:26:59.480
picked it up. He's like, let's do this, whatever. Once that happens, the ball is a thousand

360
00:26:59.480 --> 00:27:06.160
percent in his court. Okay. It's a thousand percent in his court. After we went on that

361
00:27:06.160 --> 00:27:13.880
little golf date, I didn't hear from him. And then I ran into him in my front yard and

362
00:27:13.880 --> 00:27:17.940
I was just like, Hey, I haven't heard from you. And he was just like, yeah, you know,

363
00:27:17.940 --> 00:27:22.200
this is going on. I was like, well, just so you know, I don't appreciate that. I just

364
00:27:22.200 --> 00:27:29.600
want to let you know that I told him that I don't appreciate that. Don't kiss me and

365
00:27:29.600 --> 00:27:37.120
then disappear, bro. That ain't going to happen. And he apologized to me and his behavior immediately

366
00:27:37.120 --> 00:27:43.640
shifted. What I had to take into context is, is that this man had never dated anyone in

367
00:27:43.640 --> 00:27:49.800
his entire life since he was 15 years old. He had no game. He had no reps, meaning reps

368
00:27:49.800 --> 00:27:57.200
like he had been on dates. Nothing. He was married to someone he met when he was 15 years

369
00:27:57.200 --> 00:28:00.920
old. He got married to them, was married all of his life. And then his wife deconstructed

370
00:28:00.920 --> 00:28:05.560
her faith, left the church, left him because he was a pastor in the church. Happens all

371
00:28:05.560 --> 00:28:11.880
the time, y'all. And he actually admitted to me, he said, you know, I've, I've said to

372
00:28:11.880 --> 00:28:16.200
God, Hey, you know, I'd like to get married again, but I don't know the first step of

373
00:28:16.200 --> 00:28:20.920
how I would do this. Like I don't even know, absolutely don't even know what to do. So

374
00:28:20.920 --> 00:28:26.160
ladies, I want you to understand that just because men are men, because they're male,

375
00:28:26.160 --> 00:28:33.920
doesn't mean that they automatically have some degree in romance. They're not certified

376
00:28:33.920 --> 00:28:39.360
romantics just because they are a man. They were born a man, doesn't mean that they know

377
00:28:39.360 --> 00:28:42.360
how to date, doesn't mean that they know how to approach women, doesn't mean that they

378
00:28:42.360 --> 00:28:49.120
know any of this. If it's not been modeled for them by another man, if they haven't been

379
00:28:49.120 --> 00:28:53.560
in community where it's been taught, and you guys know, and, and my husband grew up in

380
00:28:53.560 --> 00:28:57.440
the church. I didn't grow up in the church, but he grew up in the church where once again,

381
00:28:57.440 --> 00:29:05.200
dating was not something that was talked about or taught about or encouraged. So I don't,

382
00:29:05.200 --> 00:29:09.800
I want, I don't want you just to think, well, you know, if he wanted to, he would maybe

383
00:29:09.800 --> 00:29:17.360
not. He might want to and absolutely not know how, but there will be signs. And the signs

384
00:29:17.360 --> 00:29:25.280
are awkward attempts at connection. Just because he's not smooth, just because he doesn't have

385
00:29:25.280 --> 00:29:32.060
game, just because he is an initiating and pursuing doesn't mean that he's not interested

386
00:29:32.060 --> 00:29:37.600
if he is showing other signs of interest. Like for instance, if you know him in the context

387
00:29:37.600 --> 00:29:43.520
of community and every time you walk in the building, he comes and seeks you out. He probably

388
00:29:43.520 --> 00:29:50.680
likes you. You're just going in the building, mind your own business. And you know, he sees

389
00:29:50.680 --> 00:29:57.560
you across the room and he starts making his way over to you to talk to you. You know,

390
00:29:57.560 --> 00:30:00.020
probably likes you.

391
00:30:03.100 --> 00:30:06.740
This is where you would say to someone who continues to seek out your presence

392
00:30:06.740 --> 00:30:09.540
at work, continues to seek out your presence in community.

393
00:30:09.540 --> 00:30:13.340
You would say to them, Hey, you know, we should do something sometime.

394
00:30:13.340 --> 00:30:18.660
And then how he reacts to that will tell you what you need to know next.

395
00:30:18.660 --> 00:30:22.020
If he says, yeah, that'd be great.

396
00:30:22.020 --> 00:30:25.180
You know, what would you want to do or where would you want to go?

397
00:30:25.180 --> 00:30:27.240
Or, you know, when would you want to go?

398
00:30:27.240 --> 00:30:29.500
If he starts to try to nail that down.

399
00:30:29.500 --> 00:30:32.740
If you exchange phone numbers, because maybe you've only been friends in community,

400
00:30:32.740 --> 00:30:34.100
but you don't have each other's phone numbers.

401
00:30:34.100 --> 00:30:39.780
If you exchange phone numbers and, you know, and then he never uses the phone

402
00:30:39.780 --> 00:30:42.980
number that you gave him, that's good information.

403
00:30:42.980 --> 00:30:48.040
That means that he's interested and intrigued by you and likes to flirt with you

404
00:30:48.040 --> 00:30:52.700
and likes the attention from you in community, but he's not ready to take it

405
00:30:52.700 --> 00:30:53.500
to the next level.

406
00:30:53.500 --> 00:30:58.060
I manage ready to take it to the next level when you're giving him all of the

407
00:30:58.060 --> 00:30:59.820
tools he needs to take to the next level.

408
00:30:59.820 --> 00:31:06.580
And he doesn't is someone who is still too immature or still too unconvinced

409
00:31:06.580 --> 00:31:08.340
about about relationship.

410
00:31:08.340 --> 00:31:09.060
Okay.

411
00:31:09.060 --> 00:31:11.220
And what do you do there?

412
00:31:11.220 --> 00:31:16.420
Have you ever been cooking a couple things at a different intervals?

413
00:31:16.420 --> 00:31:20.100
Like you're making a dinner and everything's different levels of being done.

414
00:31:20.100 --> 00:31:24.020
And you'll put something on the back burner just to simmer a little bit

415
00:31:24.020 --> 00:31:26.500
because it may be it needs a little more time.

416
00:31:27.460 --> 00:31:28.780
You just stick it on the back burner.

417
00:31:28.780 --> 00:31:30.700
You don't give it a lot of attention.

418
00:31:30.700 --> 00:31:32.740
Okay.

419
00:31:32.740 --> 00:31:34.460
But you also know that it's there.

420
00:31:34.460 --> 00:31:39.900
And if it starts to boil with sometimes it does, then you know, if something

421
00:31:39.900 --> 00:31:42.500
starts to happen with it, then something starts to happen with it.

422
00:31:42.500 --> 00:31:45.020
You don't have to do anything more.

423
00:31:45.020 --> 00:31:46.860
You already did everything that you could.

424
00:31:46.860 --> 00:31:52.260
You made your interest known, you dropped the hank, you let them know, hey,

425
00:31:52.260 --> 00:31:56.100
I would if you asked me to go do something, I would do it because I'm saying to you,

426
00:31:56.100 --> 00:31:57.740
we should do this.

427
00:31:57.740 --> 00:32:00.340
And then you just let it, you just let it simmer.

428
00:32:00.340 --> 00:32:01.140
Okay.

429
00:32:01.140 --> 00:32:01.860
All right.

430
00:32:01.860 --> 00:32:04.420
I don't know why I'm going so deep into that with this group.

431
00:32:04.420 --> 00:32:07.740
I guess there's probably some people in here that really need that because you

432
00:32:07.740 --> 00:32:10.060
just feel stuck, you feel stuck.

433
00:32:10.060 --> 00:32:16.300
And then once you meet someone that you really want to get to know better,

434
00:32:16.300 --> 00:32:20.340
all the other pots have kind of been taken off the stove.

435
00:32:20.340 --> 00:32:24.820
You just want to focus on this one pot because this one has the most promise

436
00:32:25.140 --> 00:32:28.620
and it's becoming more and more apparent that you have a lot in common.

437
00:32:28.620 --> 00:32:30.500
This is when you're going to use that 90 day map.

438
00:32:30.500 --> 00:32:35.220
To everyone feel really confident in the 90 day map.

439
00:32:35.220 --> 00:32:40.140
All right, let's go through it.

440
00:32:40.140 --> 00:32:44.020
All right, let's go through it, the 90 day map.

441
00:32:44.020 --> 00:32:45.100
All right.

442
00:32:45.100 --> 00:32:46.100
So.

443
00:32:51.100 --> 00:32:57.860
If we're going to, if we're going to break this down into three words,

444
00:32:57.860 --> 00:33:01.900
the first word of the first 30 days is curiosity.

445
00:33:01.900 --> 00:33:09.580
Curiosity is the first word.

446
00:33:09.580 --> 00:33:13.660
The first 30 days is just being curious about this person.

447
00:33:13.660 --> 00:33:16.060
You don't have to know anything very specific.

448
00:33:16.060 --> 00:33:19.340
Some people might not even get two or three dates in in the first 30 days,

449
00:33:19.340 --> 00:33:20.580
depending on your schedules.

450
00:33:21.580 --> 00:33:24.180
You know, it's possible that you might see each other every week.

451
00:33:24.180 --> 00:33:28.460
If you're in community together or you guys both have, you know,

452
00:33:28.460 --> 00:33:33.980
schedules that can mesh, but a lot of grown adults don't have a lot of time

453
00:33:33.980 --> 00:33:36.180
carved out for dating.

454
00:33:36.180 --> 00:33:41.340
And so you might not get more than three or four dates in in the first 30 days.

455
00:33:41.340 --> 00:33:44.780
So the first 30 days are about curiosity.

456
00:33:44.780 --> 00:33:48.340
The second 30 days are about consistency.

457
00:33:48.340 --> 00:33:49.780
Like, what are you looking for there?

458
00:33:50.460 --> 00:33:53.820
You're looking for consistency and you're also looking for compatibility.

459
00:33:53.820 --> 00:33:57.540
Is this person consistently looking?

460
00:33:57.540 --> 00:34:05.860
You know, are they, are they, you know, somebody who is showing up,

461
00:34:05.860 --> 00:34:07.220
is showing you that they're interested.

462
00:34:07.220 --> 00:34:08.139
Are you compatible?

463
00:34:08.139 --> 00:34:11.020
This is, we're going to start asking the harder questions to see if there's

464
00:34:11.020 --> 00:34:11.860
compatibility.

465
00:34:11.860 --> 00:34:14.980
This is where you're probably going to find most of your deal breakers.

466
00:34:14.980 --> 00:34:18.659
You might find some of the deal breakers and non-negotiables get violated

467
00:34:18.659 --> 00:34:19.659
in the first 30 days.

468
00:34:19.659 --> 00:34:22.139
And then it's just like, hey, thanks, but no thanks.

469
00:34:22.139 --> 00:34:24.300
It's been nice to get to know you, but we're not a match.

470
00:34:24.300 --> 00:34:28.500
In the second 30 days, you're going to see more of those things start to pop up.

471
00:34:28.500 --> 00:34:31.540
You're going to see where they're not consistent, where you're not compatible.

472
00:34:31.540 --> 00:34:33.179
That's what you're going to start seeing there.

473
00:34:33.179 --> 00:34:37.420
And then that third 90 days, if they make it third, the third 30 days,

474
00:34:37.420 --> 00:34:42.139
the 90 day mark, if you, they make it past the first 60 days into that last 30

475
00:34:42.139 --> 00:34:46.340
days, you're going to be looking for character specifically.

476
00:34:46.340 --> 00:34:47.580
Can I marry this person?

477
00:34:48.500 --> 00:34:50.020
Can I partner with this person?

478
00:34:50.020 --> 00:34:55.060
Does this person have what I need in a long term spouse?

479
00:34:55.060 --> 00:34:59.540
Are they the kind of person that I could be happy with?

480
00:35:26.000 --> 00:35:44.000
Okay, I'm sorry, 30 and 90 day. So sometime after the first 30 days, you're probably starting to talk about whether or not you're going to see other people, whether or not you're exclusive, whether or not you're officially dating only each other, whether you're boyfriend and girlfriend.

481
00:35:44.000 --> 00:36:02.000
I wouldn't rush to give it labels. A lot of people rush to give it labels. I wouldn't rush to give it a boyfriend girlfriend label if you listen up if you, ladies and gentlemen, if you are not sure that you would want to really be this person's exclusive person.

482
00:36:02.000 --> 00:36:17.000
If you don't know that yet. Don't try to get that label just to have certainty, just to have security. Because what security is there in having a label with someone that you're not sure about.

483
00:36:17.000 --> 00:36:31.000
And you don't ever have to be 100% sure. I mean, I've seen things come up in the first six months of relationship or even in engagement. Unfortunately, I've seen, I've seen things come up that end up being deal breakers.

484
00:36:31.000 --> 00:36:44.000
I'm not saying that it doesn't happen after 90 days. I'm just saying this. If you really want to structure, if you want to put back structure since that's what we lost into your first 90 days of getting to know someone who has real potential.

485
00:36:44.000 --> 00:36:48.000
This is a good way to go.

486
00:36:48.000 --> 00:36:50.000
Cool.

487
00:36:50.000 --> 00:36:57.000
And I'm going to let you ask questions about all this stuff in just a second. I just want to get through the rest of this real quick so that we can get into our question asking.

488
00:36:57.000 --> 00:37:01.000
And then I'll go over the LYS offer for those of you that were asking about that in the chat.

489
00:37:01.000 --> 00:37:12.000
All right, so the last part of your homework and the last part of the book is about not just you being the matchmaker for yourself, but also becoming the matchmaker for others.

490
00:37:12.000 --> 00:37:23.000
I really do believe that what you help make happen for others. God will make happen for you. And I have a fun little proof of that, if you'd like.

491
00:37:23.000 --> 00:37:36.000
It happens all the time, but this is just something that happened to happen just the other day. And so because of that, I thought it would be fun to put it up.

492
00:37:36.000 --> 00:37:42.000
Okay.

493
00:37:42.000 --> 00:37:55.000
Okay, so a while ago, I had two different women that both live here in Austin joined my group a couple years ago. They joined my group.

494
00:37:55.000 --> 00:38:07.000
My last single group. And one of them was a widow. And that widow just waiting for my phone to come up. It's just not coming up.

495
00:38:07.000 --> 00:38:15.000
That widow, you know, was ready for love again. Any of you widows or widowers in here, raise your hand if that's your story.

496
00:38:15.000 --> 00:38:24.000
See if I have any of those folks. We've had a lot of widows and widowers get remarried through our program.

497
00:38:24.000 --> 00:38:28.000
One.

498
00:38:28.000 --> 00:38:30.000
Margot.

499
00:38:30.000 --> 00:38:40.000
Okay, so anyway, so they were both kind of joined at the same time. They're not the same age group, you know, they're not peers at all in any way shape or form.

500
00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:45.000
The widow that joined my group was older, you know, she was already in her 60s.

501
00:38:45.000 --> 00:38:55.000
And, you know, a lot of people would be like, hey, you know, maybe, maybe this isn't, you know, maybe you shouldn't want this still, right?

502
00:38:55.000 --> 00:39:02.000
You know, you had a great love story, your person passed away, but maybe that, you know, that was your love story and that's it, right?

503
00:39:02.000 --> 00:39:07.000
But no, she wanted that and she came in and long story short.

504
00:39:07.000 --> 00:39:15.000
She got introduced by this younger woman that joined the same, to join the program at the same time as her.

505
00:39:15.000 --> 00:39:21.000
She got introduced to someone because they both live here in this city, but to someone else.

506
00:39:21.000 --> 00:39:24.000
And she ended up marrying him.

507
00:39:24.000 --> 00:39:29.000
And then I always say, what you help make happen for others, God makes happen for you.

508
00:39:29.000 --> 00:39:38.000
Someone else in our community turned around and introduced the woman that introduced her to her man to a man and now she's getting married in like 10 days.

509
00:39:38.000 --> 00:39:43.000
And my phone's not coming up, so I would show you pictures, but my phone ain't cooperating.

510
00:39:43.000 --> 00:39:45.000
My internet, my Wi-Fi is not cooperating.

511
00:39:45.000 --> 00:39:48.000
So that kind of stuff happens all the time.

512
00:39:48.000 --> 00:39:58.000
And so I want everyone to put in the chat right now someone that you know that's so worthy of love and you would love to see them find their love story.

513
00:39:58.000 --> 00:40:00.000
go ahead and just put their name up in the chat. None of us

514
00:40:03.520 --> 00:40:09.840
But I really feel like it's a supernatural exercise of who would you want to see

515
00:40:09.840 --> 00:40:19.920
find their love story? Try not to put yourself, okay? All right, we already know. We already know

516
00:40:19.920 --> 00:40:28.800
you. Try to get outside yourself a little bit. Some of you are putting each other, which is fun.

517
00:40:28.800 --> 00:40:40.960
Love that. All right. So if you can't think of anyone. All right, I want you, and you see at the end

518
00:40:40.960 --> 00:40:46.400
of the book, I have a place for this where you're not just taking that matchmaker's oath for yourself

519
00:40:46.400 --> 00:40:51.680
but also for other people, because the only way that we bring back the village is if we all work

520
00:40:51.680 --> 00:40:57.920
together. If we all work together, then there doesn't have to be any marriage-minded singles,

521
00:40:57.920 --> 00:41:03.680
because there's a plus billion people in the world, and not all of them, a lot of them are married,

522
00:41:03.680 --> 00:41:09.360
but not all the single ones, not all of them are marriage-minded. There's a growing number of people

523
00:41:09.360 --> 00:41:14.560
who have no interest whatsoever in being married, and it doesn't have anything to do with the dating

524
00:41:14.560 --> 00:41:17.760
atmosphere. They don't want to be married. They never want to be married. They still don't want

525
00:41:17.760 --> 00:41:22.160
to be married. They like being single. They don't want anyone telling them what to do. They don't

526
00:41:22.160 --> 00:41:26.160
want to share their lives with anyone. They want to be able to make their own decisions and do their

527
00:41:26.160 --> 00:41:31.520
own thing. All the people that are truly marriage-minded that are like, "Yeah, I've always wanted this

528
00:41:31.520 --> 00:41:36.640
ever since I was young," or, "Just recently, I've just really had the desire more than anything

529
00:41:36.640 --> 00:41:43.360
else to be married." That's a sign to me. To me, that's a sign. If you want to be married, it's a

530
00:41:43.360 --> 00:41:48.480
sign to me that you should be married, because it's a desire of your heart, and I believe that God

531
00:41:48.480 --> 00:41:55.840
puts the desires of our heart in our hearts. Don't just focus on yourself when you're out there,

532
00:41:56.160 --> 00:42:00.720
use these skills and these tools and these resources that you've learned here for the sake

533
00:42:00.720 --> 00:42:05.360
of others too, not just yourself. What does that mean? That means if you're on a date with someone

534
00:42:05.360 --> 00:42:10.560
who really is great, they're great, but from the very beginning, there's just something that is

535
00:42:10.560 --> 00:42:17.120
completely off between you and them. They already have expressed something that's a deal breaker

536
00:42:17.120 --> 00:42:22.880
for you, but it's not necessarily a deal breaker in general. For instance, it's a longer-distance

537
00:42:22.880 --> 00:42:28.000
relationship, and they can't relocate in either, can you? You can't, because you have a shared

538
00:42:28.000 --> 00:42:31.520
pairing agreement, because you're divorced. They can't, because they're taken care of in elderly.

539
00:42:31.520 --> 00:42:40.800
Parents, it doesn't matter. If you meet an impasse with someone who is great, but they're just not

540
00:42:40.800 --> 00:42:47.680
your person, then think about introducing them to someone else. Don't just be like, "Oh, hey, see,

541
00:42:48.480 --> 00:42:54.880
see, sorry, we're not a match." No, think about introducing them to the last year single program,

542
00:42:54.880 --> 00:42:59.200
think about introducing them to someone you've met here, someone that you know in your life,

543
00:42:59.200 --> 00:43:03.840
you know, pray about them, say, "Hey, you know, God, is there anyone that I should introduce this

544
00:43:03.840 --> 00:43:12.640
person to?" This is how you become a matchmaker. Now, I ain't saying you're going to match all

545
00:43:12.640 --> 00:43:19.760
kinds of people all the time, but if you meet someone who's amazing, and they may not want you

546
00:43:19.760 --> 00:43:23.680
to, they may be offended that you're like, "Yeah, you know, I don't want to date anymore,

547
00:43:23.680 --> 00:43:27.120
or I don't want to go on another date, but I'd love to introduce you to my friend Jenny."

548
00:43:27.120 --> 00:43:33.520
They might be like, "Yeah." And then that's on them, if they don't want that, right?

549
00:43:33.520 --> 00:43:40.640
And guys, this goes for you too. I can't tell you how many women have been set up by a man

550
00:43:40.640 --> 00:43:48.000
with another man. It happens. It's not just women playing matchmaker. Men make great matchmakers

551
00:43:48.000 --> 00:43:54.000
because they're a lot more just cerebral about it, like practical about it, like, "Oh, hey, this

552
00:43:54.000 --> 00:44:00.560
makes sense. Let me just do this." How many of you raise your hand before we get to the Q&A

553
00:44:00.560 --> 00:44:06.400
will say, "Hey, I will play matchmaker. God, you can use me to play matchmaker,

554
00:44:07.120 --> 00:44:11.920
not just for myself. All of you should be dating like a matchmaker when you leave here,

555
00:44:11.920 --> 00:44:16.080
but you're saying God can use me to play matchmaker for someone else too."

556
00:44:16.080 --> 00:44:28.560
Almost all of you? Almost all of you say yes to that? Okay. Lovely. All right, let's get the Q&A going.

557
00:44:34.960 --> 00:44:39.760
All right, remember, the questions are going to be short, brief, powerful so that more people can

558
00:44:39.760 --> 00:44:45.840
ask questions because we're already at 747. All right, so not a lot of backstory. Just cut

559
00:44:45.840 --> 00:44:50.240
right to the chase if you have a question. If you want to put your question in the chat,

560
00:44:50.240 --> 00:44:56.560
I can also look for that. Aside from dating apps, where do women go to meet single Christian men?

561
00:44:56.560 --> 00:44:59.560
and my church is small and there is no one there.

562
00:45:04.000 --> 00:45:12.040
on my Instagram the other day, because I put up a post about trying to remember what the

563
00:45:12.040 --> 00:45:17.280
post is. Let me look and see. If I had until the end of 2026 to fall in love, this is what

564
00:45:17.280 --> 00:45:24.320
I would do. So I put up this post on my Instagram. And in the, you know, obviously in the caption

565
00:45:24.320 --> 00:45:30.360
is where I say what I would do. And someone commented and said, that's great. I'm just

566
00:45:30.360 --> 00:45:36.560
having a really hard time meeting men. I don't know where they are. Okay, friends, men are

567
00:45:36.560 --> 00:45:44.660
everywhere. They are everywhere. You're overthinking this. There are men everywhere. My husband

568
00:45:44.660 --> 00:45:52.480
was a Christian. He was actually a leader in a church, but did I meet him at a church?

569
00:45:52.480 --> 00:45:57.360
Did I? You guys know my love story? Did I meet him at a church? This is a question. Answer

570
00:45:57.360 --> 00:46:07.160
it. Yes or no, nod your head. No, I met him in my neighborhood. I met him in my front

571
00:46:07.160 --> 00:46:15.120
yard actually, which is convenient, but I met him in my front yard. Men are everywhere.

572
00:46:15.120 --> 00:46:23.520
You cannot go in public and throw a rock and not hit a man. They are everywhere. And one

573
00:46:23.520 --> 00:46:26.840
of the first things that I do when I have a one on one client, because I'm tired of people

574
00:46:26.840 --> 00:46:31.520
saying there are no single men where I live. It's not true. And first of all, you don't

575
00:46:31.520 --> 00:46:37.240
have to marry someone from your county, especially if you live in a county that has 500 people,

576
00:46:37.240 --> 00:46:41.760
you know, think bigger, think to your city, you know, think to your township. But if you

577
00:46:41.760 --> 00:46:47.320
Google how many people are single in your city, whatever major city you're next to,

578
00:46:47.320 --> 00:46:54.760
I promise you, Christian single men under 40 over 40 under 50, whatever it is, the census

579
00:46:54.760 --> 00:46:59.520
has all that information. If you want to encourage yourself, if you want to build your hope,

580
00:46:59.520 --> 00:47:03.160
gentlemen, same thing for you guys, but ladies have a tendency to be a lot more negative

581
00:47:03.160 --> 00:47:09.720
about this than men, you will see that there are plenty because all you need is one. All

582
00:47:09.720 --> 00:47:15.120
you need is one for you. You don't need more than one for you. It doesn't matter if there's

583
00:47:15.120 --> 00:47:19.160
not millions of them because you don't need millions of them. You need one. I want you

584
00:47:19.160 --> 00:47:26.280
to all say that to yourself right now. I only need one for me, one that's for me. And was

585
00:47:26.280 --> 00:47:31.840
for Victoria is not going to be for Connie and the person that's for Carolyn's not going

586
00:47:31.840 --> 00:47:36.560
to be for Tarsha. It's not going to be the same person. It's not going to be the same

587
00:47:36.560 --> 00:47:43.760
kind of person. We're not in a competition with other women. You know, when you're on

588
00:47:43.760 --> 00:47:46.720
the dating app, you're not in a competition with other women, you're in a competition

589
00:47:46.720 --> 00:47:50.040
with the algorithm, gentlemen, you're in a competition with the algorithm as well because

590
00:47:50.040 --> 00:47:55.400
dating apps are created to keep you single. Remember, they are slot machines. So keep

591
00:47:55.400 --> 00:47:59.920
that in mind when you're on there. It's only going to show you people that it thinks are

592
00:47:59.920 --> 00:48:06.520
below average for you in your profile because it's rating you and your profile on purpose

593
00:48:06.520 --> 00:48:13.300
so that you will pay to see the better matches. So if you've ever gone on a dating app and

594
00:48:13.300 --> 00:48:17.960
got so discouraged because no one, you weren't interested in one person that you swipe that

595
00:48:17.960 --> 00:48:24.440
you were swiping through. Not one person is purposely showing people to you that you

596
00:48:24.440 --> 00:48:30.320
would not be interested in so that you will pay to see the premium or better matches.

597
00:48:30.320 --> 00:48:34.800
Do you understand that? And every once in a while, just to keep it interesting, it'll

598
00:48:34.800 --> 00:48:40.320
throw one person in there that you think is interesting based on what based on what you

599
00:48:40.320 --> 00:48:47.680
look like. That's right. It is assessing your asymmetry of your face. It's a computer. It's

600
00:48:47.680 --> 00:48:52.280
not a person. There's not people back there in the dating app saying, Oh, they're, they're

601
00:48:52.280 --> 00:48:58.640
cute. They're not cute. They're tall. No, it's a computer, but it is programmed to assess

602
00:48:58.640 --> 00:49:10.440
what you look like and keywords in your bio. It knows. It knows. And now with AI, it knows,

603
00:49:10.440 --> 00:49:16.320
it knows a lot. It knows a lot. And so do not be discouraged by the dating apps. If you're

604
00:49:16.320 --> 00:49:20.200
going to be on them, pick a couple that you're willing to pay the premium price for because

605
00:49:20.200 --> 00:49:28.960
you're going to need to do it if you're going to see the better matches. Okay. So to answer

606
00:49:28.960 --> 00:49:32.680
the question, they're everywhere, Connie. They're everywhere. You have to show up with

607
00:49:32.680 --> 00:49:37.560
a different mindset. Friends, you have to show up with a different mindset and you have

608
00:49:37.560 --> 00:49:43.480
to show up with resources and tools to meet people in the wild because they're everywhere.

609
00:49:43.480 --> 00:49:47.160
If you refuse to get on the dating apps, then you're going to have to get really good at

610
00:49:47.160 --> 00:49:51.640
networking and really good at building community and building your village and really good

611
00:49:51.640 --> 00:49:56.120
at meeting people in the wild. If you refuse the technology that's available to you, then

612
00:49:56.120 --> 00:49:57.680
you're going to have to get good at this.

613
00:49:57.680 --> 00:50:05.680
[BLANK_AUDIO]

614
00:50:06.640 --> 00:50:10.920
know where to meet men, and they're also people that don't try to go anywhere.

615
00:50:10.920 --> 00:50:12.200
They don't have any friends.

616
00:50:12.200 --> 00:50:14.040
They have very little community.

617
00:50:14.040 --> 00:50:17.800
The community that they have are all older people that are all married.

618
00:50:17.800 --> 00:50:19.200
Nobody knows any single people.

619
00:50:19.200 --> 00:50:23.520
If you only have friends that literally do not know another single person besides you,

620
00:50:23.520 --> 00:50:26.920
you are in the wrong friend group.

621
00:50:26.920 --> 00:50:29.400
You got to get some friends that know some single people.

622
00:50:29.400 --> 00:50:32.160
This is what building your village is all about.

623
00:50:32.160 --> 00:50:36.480
This is what your relationship advisory committee is all about.

624
00:50:36.480 --> 00:50:37.640
But not just that.

625
00:50:37.640 --> 00:50:40.240
You've got to get out.

626
00:50:40.240 --> 00:50:43.400
You've got to get out and about.

627
00:50:43.400 --> 00:50:49.240
Oh, but I'm just so exhausted from work, Jackie, then you're not ready to date.

628
00:50:49.240 --> 00:50:52.000
If you think there's an easy button for this, there's not an easy button for this.

629
00:50:52.000 --> 00:50:56.720
I promise you that you're going to have to prune some things off and get some capacity

630
00:50:56.720 --> 00:51:03.960
back because dating is exhausting.

631
00:51:03.960 --> 00:51:04.960
It is.

632
00:51:04.960 --> 00:51:10.440
And that's why the tools and resources I've given you should keep you from going out with

633
00:51:10.440 --> 00:51:12.120
exhausting people.

634
00:51:12.120 --> 00:51:17.640
You should be able to cut those people from the roster before you even get out with them.

635
00:51:17.640 --> 00:51:19.960
Okay.

636
00:51:19.960 --> 00:51:24.760
The people that you actually end up on a date with should be people, ladies that are masculine,

637
00:51:24.760 --> 00:51:29.120
immature and marriage minded, even if they're not going to marry you, they're going to have

638
00:51:29.120 --> 00:51:34.600
the criteria of someone that you could date before you even get out there.

639
00:51:34.600 --> 00:51:37.880
If someone tries to fix you up on a blind day because we're talking about playing matchmaker

640
00:51:37.880 --> 00:51:39.880
here, you need to ask them some questions.

641
00:51:39.880 --> 00:51:42.040
You don't just say yes.

642
00:51:42.040 --> 00:51:47.920
And the number one question you should ask them is what made you think of me like they

643
00:51:47.920 --> 00:51:52.760
know this other person and they know you and you need to ask them, why do you want to set

644
00:51:52.760 --> 00:51:53.760
me up with this person?

645
00:51:53.760 --> 00:51:58.280
What made you think of me for this setup?

646
00:51:58.280 --> 00:52:03.200
Make them tell you and you should be ready to tell people that too.

647
00:52:03.200 --> 00:52:06.320
And I put that in the matchmaking notes in the book for those of you that want to play

648
00:52:06.320 --> 00:52:14.520
matchmaker, you should be able to tell someone something meaningful about why you think they

649
00:52:14.520 --> 00:52:15.520
would be a good match.

650
00:52:15.520 --> 00:52:20.600
When I match make people, I tell them why I'm putting them together.

651
00:52:20.600 --> 00:52:26.660
You have this in common.

652
00:52:26.660 --> 00:52:31.560
This is something that both of you say that you would enjoy.

653
00:52:31.560 --> 00:52:35.240
These are your non-negotiables and these are your non-negotiables and they match and they

654
00:52:35.240 --> 00:52:36.240
match.

655
00:52:36.240 --> 00:52:40.680
This is, this is what I do when I do it.

656
00:52:40.680 --> 00:52:46.560
So the answer to the question is, is they are everywhere?

657
00:52:46.560 --> 00:52:52.720
There's not a scarcity of men, 48% of the 48% of the 8 plus billion people on this earth

658
00:52:52.720 --> 00:52:57.880
are men.

659
00:52:57.880 --> 00:53:01.480
And every single time you leave the house, ladies, you should have it in your mind that

660
00:53:01.480 --> 00:53:08.320
this is the day that you could literally run into your husband.

661
00:53:08.320 --> 00:53:10.080
You need to be open to that.

662
00:53:10.080 --> 00:53:19.640
You need to be aware of that, you need to use the tools that you have.

663
00:53:19.640 --> 00:53:24.240
If you see someone interesting in public, someone that you're interested in, someone

664
00:53:24.240 --> 00:53:31.720
that catches your eye, they don't have a wedding ring on, start up a conversation.

665
00:53:31.720 --> 00:53:37.560
You're like, oh, but that's so embarrassing, why?

666
00:53:37.560 --> 00:53:41.200
Why is it embarrassing?

667
00:53:41.200 --> 00:53:46.240
It's not.

668
00:53:46.240 --> 00:53:50.520
Sheree or is it Sherry?

669
00:53:50.520 --> 00:53:52.320
I just wanted to be French.

670
00:53:52.320 --> 00:53:54.560
Oh, go buy anything.

671
00:53:54.560 --> 00:53:55.560
Okay.

672
00:53:55.560 --> 00:53:57.440
What is it though?

673
00:53:57.440 --> 00:53:58.440
It's Sherry.

674
00:53:58.440 --> 00:54:01.560
Okay, go ahead.

675
00:54:01.560 --> 00:54:05.120
I've been divorced 15 years.

676
00:54:05.120 --> 00:54:06.120
Okay.

677
00:54:06.120 --> 00:54:08.720
I have not been on a date in a couple of years.

678
00:54:08.720 --> 00:54:11.720
I quit the dating apps when I started your programs.

679
00:54:11.720 --> 00:54:18.520
I'm in both last or single and this and I feel like I haven't had success on the apps

680
00:54:18.520 --> 00:54:23.320
and I would love to hear your input on that.

681
00:54:23.320 --> 00:54:28.840
I think that when we're over 50 and we're on the apps, I do think that we have to be

682
00:54:28.840 --> 00:54:33.520
more selective of the apps that we're on because there's a lot of scammers and for some

683
00:54:33.520 --> 00:54:36.320
reason, these scammers think that older women are desperate.

684
00:54:36.320 --> 00:54:42.000
I don't know why, but they do and so we have to be very careful and we have to be very

685
00:54:42.000 --> 00:54:44.280
mindful for sure.

686
00:54:44.280 --> 00:54:52.320
But there are so many women just like you that have met their mate on an app and so you

687
00:54:52.320 --> 00:54:57.600
have to remind yourself of that and you also have to be very like I said, you have to choose

688
00:54:57.600 --> 00:54:59.680
the app that you're going to use.

689
00:55:04.860 --> 00:55:07.360
And I know that people have met on the free versions of apps.

690
00:55:07.360 --> 00:55:08.000
That's great.

691
00:55:08.000 --> 00:55:11.240
But I'm telling you, if you really want to be intentional

692
00:55:11.240 --> 00:55:16.400
about matches that match your profile, the algorithm's not

693
00:55:16.400 --> 00:55:20.000
going to give them to you without you paying money.

694
00:55:20.000 --> 00:55:24.320
Would you recommend any one or two in particular?

695
00:55:24.320 --> 00:55:25.960
What have you tried?

696
00:55:25.960 --> 00:55:28.040
Oh, God, I've tried them all.

697
00:55:28.040 --> 00:55:31.960
OK, but have you tried them all strategically,

698
00:55:31.960 --> 00:55:34.360
or are you just willy-nilly on them?

699
00:55:34.360 --> 00:55:36.600
Well, not since I've been here with you.

700
00:55:36.600 --> 00:55:40.800
OK, so you're going to go back with a strategy.

701
00:55:40.800 --> 00:55:43.600
And let me ask you this, I like a hybrid, friends.

702
00:55:43.600 --> 00:55:44.800
If you're going to use a dating app,

703
00:55:44.800 --> 00:55:46.040
I still like you out in the wild.

704
00:55:46.040 --> 00:55:48.280
I still like you going and joining communities

705
00:55:48.280 --> 00:55:49.760
and making friends in person.

706
00:55:49.760 --> 00:55:51.000
I love all that.

707
00:55:51.000 --> 00:55:54.440
So are you doing that, Sherry, in your life?

708
00:55:54.440 --> 00:55:57.000
You meeting a new person?

709
00:55:57.000 --> 00:55:58.200
I do it as much as I can.

710
00:55:58.200 --> 00:56:01.520
I've been helping my daughter who married a Texan,

711
00:56:01.520 --> 00:56:06.280
and they sell corn dogs up in the Pacific Northwest.

712
00:56:06.280 --> 00:56:08.400
Now they're going back-- they're back in Texas now.

713
00:56:08.400 --> 00:56:10.680
And I've been helping in a lot of their events,

714
00:56:10.680 --> 00:56:14.760
but that has been not fruitful.

715
00:56:14.760 --> 00:56:17.680
And I go away on weekends quite a bit on my own.

716
00:56:17.680 --> 00:56:21.080
With my eyes wide open, I try.

717
00:56:21.080 --> 00:56:23.560
Just haven't had much luck.

718
00:56:23.560 --> 00:56:24.280
OK.

719
00:56:24.280 --> 00:56:27.960
Well, it's great to travel, friends,

720
00:56:27.960 --> 00:56:30.360
and you could meet someone on one of your travels.

721
00:56:30.360 --> 00:56:33.600
But it's really important that you--

722
00:56:33.600 --> 00:56:35.040
if you want to stay where you live,

723
00:56:35.040 --> 00:56:36.920
and you know that that's non-negotiable for you,

724
00:56:36.920 --> 00:56:37.920
you're going to live with you.

725
00:56:37.920 --> 00:56:39.000
No, no, I'm willing to move.

726
00:56:39.000 --> 00:56:39.920
I'm willing.

727
00:56:39.920 --> 00:56:41.240
OK.

728
00:56:41.240 --> 00:56:45.360
So but you've got to get involved in community.

729
00:56:45.360 --> 00:56:47.280
You've got to get out there and meet people.

730
00:56:47.280 --> 00:56:49.800
Do you have a church?

731
00:56:49.800 --> 00:56:52.160
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]

732
00:56:52.160 --> 00:56:53.840
I'm not crazy about it, but yeah.

733
00:56:53.840 --> 00:56:54.840
OK.

734
00:56:54.840 --> 00:56:56.280
It's all of old people.

735
00:56:56.280 --> 00:56:57.680
Didn't find a new one.

736
00:56:57.680 --> 00:56:58.840
I know.

737
00:56:58.840 --> 00:57:00.640
You don't have to stay there?

738
00:57:00.640 --> 00:57:01.640
I know.

739
00:57:01.640 --> 00:57:02.840
Yeah, find a new one.

740
00:57:02.840 --> 00:57:04.240
Do you have hobbies?

741
00:57:04.240 --> 00:57:06.160
Do you have things that you could get involved with

742
00:57:06.160 --> 00:57:09.520
that other people would be at?

743
00:57:09.520 --> 00:57:10.720
A few, yes.

744
00:57:10.720 --> 00:57:11.600
OK.

745
00:57:11.600 --> 00:57:15.200
So I personally-- remember, friends,

746
00:57:15.200 --> 00:57:17.520
you can't just-- it's not a situation.

747
00:57:17.520 --> 00:57:21.440
It's like someone telling you that a vitamin is going

748
00:57:21.440 --> 00:57:25.560
to fix something that's wrong with you.

749
00:57:25.560 --> 00:57:29.160
And there's scientific evidence that this vitamin is going

750
00:57:29.160 --> 00:57:31.840
to help you with whatever it is your problem is.

751
00:57:31.840 --> 00:57:33.720
And you take it for three or four days.

752
00:57:33.720 --> 00:57:34.880
You take it sporadically.

753
00:57:34.880 --> 00:57:36.560
You don't take it at the same time every day.

754
00:57:36.560 --> 00:57:38.240
You forget it like five days in a row,

755
00:57:38.240 --> 00:57:39.360
then you start taking it again.

756
00:57:39.360 --> 00:57:40.960
You're like, it's not working.

757
00:57:40.960 --> 00:57:45.080
That's what people do with dating apps, OK?

758
00:57:45.080 --> 00:57:48.080
Yeah, it's not working because you have to actually work it.

759
00:57:48.080 --> 00:57:50.400
I know you want it to be the magic bullet of happiness,

760
00:57:50.400 --> 00:57:51.680
but it's not.

761
00:57:51.680 --> 00:57:55.600
It is a tool, and you have to use it correctly.

762
00:57:55.600 --> 00:57:57.920
Do some people just get winter, winter, chicken, dinner?

763
00:57:57.920 --> 00:57:58.480
Sure.

764
00:57:58.480 --> 00:57:59.400
They get lucky.

765
00:57:59.400 --> 00:58:00.200
They get on.

766
00:58:00.200 --> 00:58:02.000
And these are the stories that we hear,

767
00:58:02.000 --> 00:58:03.120
and that's why we get so discouraged.

768
00:58:03.120 --> 00:58:06.760
But man, they weren't using their dating app at all.

769
00:58:06.760 --> 00:58:09.400
In fact, they forgot that they had a dating app,

770
00:58:09.400 --> 00:58:12.320
that they paid $5,000 for.

771
00:58:12.320 --> 00:58:15.120
And then it was the day before it was about to cancel.

772
00:58:15.120 --> 00:58:16.760
And they decided, oh, what the heck?

773
00:58:16.760 --> 00:58:19.360
I'll get on there and just swipe through all the profiles.

774
00:58:19.360 --> 00:58:21.240
And they met their husband.

775
00:58:21.240 --> 00:58:22.440
Stop.

776
00:58:22.440 --> 00:58:25.280
OK?

777
00:58:25.280 --> 00:58:26.040
Sure.

778
00:58:26.040 --> 00:58:27.000
It has happened.

779
00:58:27.000 --> 00:58:28.400
It happened to one of my students.

780
00:58:28.400 --> 00:58:30.440
But it doesn't happen to the majority of people.

781
00:58:30.440 --> 00:58:35.520
The majority of the people that meet someone quality on a dating

782
00:58:35.520 --> 00:58:38.440
app are people that are going in with their non-negotiables,

783
00:58:38.440 --> 00:58:40.800
and they're not afraid to say no.

784
00:58:40.800 --> 00:58:42.640
They're not afraid to offend someone.

785
00:58:42.640 --> 00:58:45.040
They're not afraid to say, hey, thanks for swiping on me.

786
00:58:45.040 --> 00:58:46.320
But we're not a match.

787
00:58:46.320 --> 00:58:48.240
They're not afraid to do that.

788
00:58:48.240 --> 00:58:50.680
They're not going to waste time on conversations that are going

789
00:58:50.680 --> 00:58:51.200
nowhere.

790
00:58:51.200 --> 00:58:53.840
It is not a communication app.

791
00:58:53.840 --> 00:58:55.240
It is a dating app.

792
00:58:55.240 --> 00:58:58.560
If the person does not want to get together with you in person,

793
00:58:58.560 --> 00:59:01.440
if they put that off, if they hem and ha,

794
00:59:01.440 --> 00:59:04.880
if they make excuses, goodbye.

795
00:59:04.880 --> 00:59:05.760
Goodbye.

796
00:59:05.760 --> 00:59:08.800
Unmatch them and move on.

797
00:59:08.800 --> 00:59:11.120
It's when we get onto these dating apps with scarcity

798
00:59:11.120 --> 00:59:13.240
and mentalities, oh, there's only one good one.

799
00:59:13.240 --> 00:59:14.440
And maybe this is the person.

800
00:59:14.440 --> 00:59:16.440
So I'm going to give them chance after chance.

801
00:59:16.440 --> 00:59:19.120
Gentlemen, there's a lot of ladies on there.

802
00:59:19.120 --> 00:59:24.400
If they, at any point in time, you try to make plans with them

803
00:59:24.400 --> 00:59:28.520
and they flake on you, or they stand you up,

804
00:59:28.520 --> 00:59:33.840
or they want you to take them someplace more expensive,

805
00:59:33.840 --> 00:59:34.880
done.

806
00:59:34.880 --> 00:59:36.760
OK?

807
00:59:36.760 --> 00:59:37.360
Done.

808
00:59:37.360 --> 00:59:40.120
This is what is happening to men on dating apps.

809
00:59:40.120 --> 00:59:42.280
Women have a lot of men swiping on them,

810
00:59:42.280 --> 00:59:43.960
so they're looking for the highest bidder.

811
00:59:43.960 --> 00:59:46.360
And that is disgusting.

812
00:59:46.360 --> 00:59:47.240
OK?

813
00:59:47.240 --> 00:59:49.760
And so hello.

814
00:59:49.760 --> 00:59:50.400
Hello.

815
00:59:50.400 --> 00:59:51.800
What would you do for a steak?

816
00:59:51.800 --> 00:59:52.320
Me?

817
00:59:52.320 --> 00:59:53.120
Nothing.

818
00:59:53.120 --> 00:59:53.800
Zero.

819
00:59:53.800 --> 00:59:54.960
That's what I would do.

820
00:59:54.960 --> 00:59:56.560
All right, so we just really have

821
00:59:56.560 --> 00:59:58.360
to be watching for all of these things.

822
00:59:58.360 --> 01:00:01.160
But friends, if you use the dating app,

823
01:00:04.080 --> 01:00:09.680
that they're not it, you're going to be okay. You're going to be okay because there is literally

824
01:00:09.680 --> 01:00:14.640
so many options on there and you're not going to burn out if you have a structure to it.

825
01:00:14.640 --> 01:00:20.400
You set aside a certain time of the day that you're going to swipe. You only swipe for that

826
01:00:20.400 --> 01:00:24.560
amount of time. You don't just be like, well, but wait, maybe they're just one swipe away. Anytime

827
01:00:24.560 --> 01:00:29.920
you start to get anxious with what you're doing and you feel like you somehow have to do with

828
01:00:29.920 --> 01:00:35.440
it right in order to make it work, then you're overextended. Your nervous system is overextended.

829
01:00:35.440 --> 01:00:40.800
Okay, if you're like, you're desperate. Don't that makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense.

830
01:00:40.800 --> 01:00:45.440
If you have a bad date, Sherry, you know, a bad in-person date and then you go home,

831
01:00:45.440 --> 01:00:49.840
you start swiping on the, no, it's not the right time to be on the dating app swiping if you have

832
01:00:49.840 --> 01:00:56.320
a bad date. Recalibrate and stick to your plan. If you swipe between this time and this time

833
01:00:56.880 --> 01:01:01.600
and you can tell the people that you match with say, hey, I'm not on here a lot. I get on here in

834
01:01:01.600 --> 01:01:07.360
the afternoons after work. This is what I'm here. You know, so if I don't answer you till then,

835
01:01:07.360 --> 01:01:11.360
it's not because I'm not going to answer you. It's just because that's when I'm on. That's when

836
01:01:11.360 --> 01:01:19.600
I'm online. I'm not online. I'm not online all day. Okay. And so you do that. You talk to someone.

837
01:01:19.600 --> 01:01:23.680
I don't think that you should have more than three exchanges with someone before you ask for

838
01:01:23.680 --> 01:01:28.960
the date if you want it. Okay. Hey, you know, we should get together. Hey, we should have a phone

839
01:01:28.960 --> 01:01:37.920
call. If they don't jump on that, I match them. You guys are listening to me, right? This is how

840
01:01:37.920 --> 01:01:46.560
you use dating apps successfully. And ladies, if you are on the right side of 50, because

841
01:01:46.560 --> 01:01:52.720
I'm over 50, if we're on the right side of 50, okay, I want you to know that there are a lot or,

842
01:01:52.720 --> 01:01:58.480
or if you're younger and you look like you're on the right side of 50, men that are scammers.

843
01:01:58.480 --> 01:02:01.920
And I don't even think they're not always men. They're like groups of people. These romance

844
01:02:01.920 --> 01:02:07.520
scammers are not just one person. You guys are there. They're like, they're big groups of people

845
01:02:07.520 --> 01:02:11.760
that are taking people for thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars. Okay.

846
01:02:11.760 --> 01:02:16.400
If it seems too good to be true, it's too, it's too good to be true. If they'll never show their

847
01:02:16.400 --> 01:02:19.680
face or hardly show their face, they don't want to get on a phone call with you or it feels like

848
01:02:19.680 --> 01:02:23.280
you're talking to several different people. If they don't want to get together in person,

849
01:02:23.280 --> 01:02:28.560
if they're stranded in the middle of the ocean on an oil barge, that's not the person. If they're

850
01:02:28.560 --> 01:02:33.760
traveling for work overseas, it's not the person. If they live in your town, but they're overseas

851
01:02:33.760 --> 01:02:39.040
for work and they'll be back in a couple of months, no. Okay. All right. See, when you get back,

852
01:02:39.040 --> 01:02:43.680
you know, let me know. We'll be there for coffee. Otherwise, don't talk to me.

853
01:02:44.560 --> 01:02:50.800
You know, if you can't see them, they don't exist. Do you understand? And even if you can see them

854
01:02:50.800 --> 01:02:54.560
and they seem like they're AI or they seem like they look different every time you see them,

855
01:02:54.560 --> 01:03:01.200
you got to see them in person, in person. Okay. And if anyone has any questions about long distance,

856
01:03:01.200 --> 01:03:04.800
I have a lot of opinions on long, long, long distance. Shifan, what do you got?

857
01:03:08.640 --> 01:03:18.400
Yes. Good evening. Two questions. I personally prefer people in my local area, not long distance.

858
01:03:18.400 --> 01:03:26.400
Would that be shortening my opportunity, so to speak? That's the first question.

859
01:03:26.400 --> 01:03:33.120
I mean, if you know that you don't have the bandwidth for long distance, then don't do it.

860
01:03:35.120 --> 01:03:39.120
That's it, friends. Listen, if you don't have the capacity for long distance,

861
01:03:39.120 --> 01:03:45.040
you don't have a reliable car, you don't have money, long distance is expensive. Okay. If you

862
01:03:45.040 --> 01:03:48.560
don't have the money to invest in it, if you don't have the time to invest in it, if you don't have

863
01:03:48.560 --> 01:03:53.360
the energy to invest in it, then don't invest in it because it's hard. Long distance is hard.

864
01:03:53.360 --> 01:04:02.800
Thank you. My second question is this. Now, normally, you know, I think I've mentioned

865
01:04:02.800 --> 01:04:11.360
several times that I am severely visually impaired. So normally, I don't bring that subject up with

866
01:04:11.360 --> 01:04:18.720
people. I'd rather them meet me first, see, you know, my character, see I'm pretty independent,

867
01:04:18.720 --> 01:04:27.840
because people have various views about people who are blind and that's media and everything else.

868
01:04:29.920 --> 01:04:39.360
So I wanted to ask you, especially on these dating apps, should I put the fact that I am a blind

869
01:04:39.360 --> 01:04:47.840
individual or just wait until we meet each other. And the reason why I'm asking that is just from my

870
01:04:47.840 --> 01:04:57.520
experience, not necessarily with dating, but just everyday life. If you kind of put that out front,

871
01:04:57.520 --> 01:04:59.760
than people kind of, you know.

872
01:05:02.440 --> 01:05:05.360
So, you know, I don't know if you can answer that question,

873
01:05:05.360 --> 01:05:06.880
but I'm just putting it after.

874
01:05:06.880 --> 01:05:08.840
- I mean, I wouldn't give that information

875
01:05:08.840 --> 01:05:10.540
to people that I don't know.

876
01:05:10.540 --> 01:05:13.000
I think that, I don't think that,

877
01:05:13.000 --> 01:05:14.440
I don't think that's your identity.

878
01:05:14.440 --> 01:05:16.280
Your identity is not a blind woman,

879
01:05:16.280 --> 01:05:18.120
and, you know, your identity is chiffon.

880
01:05:18.120 --> 01:05:20.760
So I think that you just be who you are.

881
01:05:20.760 --> 01:05:23.440
And, you know, I mean, you could show up on a date

882
01:05:23.440 --> 01:05:25.880
with someone, and, you know, there's a lot of things

883
01:05:25.880 --> 01:05:27.640
that people have going on inside of them,

884
01:05:27.640 --> 01:05:31.080
other disabilities that are not visible, you know?

885
01:05:31.080 --> 01:05:34.360
Like when I met my, you know, husband as my neighbor,

886
01:05:34.360 --> 01:05:36.440
he didn't know that I was having, you know,

887
01:05:36.440 --> 01:05:40.080
very severe mental health situations going on in my life.

888
01:05:40.080 --> 01:05:42.040
And I didn't tell them any of that

889
01:05:42.040 --> 01:05:43.800
until we started actually, you know,

890
01:05:43.800 --> 01:05:45.840
falling for each other and dating.

891
01:05:45.840 --> 01:05:47.160
But it's not stuff that he could see,

892
01:05:47.160 --> 01:05:49.600
but it was still something that was very life-controlling

893
01:05:49.600 --> 01:05:52.920
for me and had been life-controlling for many years.

894
01:05:52.920 --> 01:05:55.800
It's something that I almost lost my life over several times.

895
01:05:55.800 --> 01:05:57.960
And so I only felt like it was necessary

896
01:05:57.960 --> 01:05:59.440
to share that with him

897
01:05:59.440 --> 01:06:01.080
when it looked like the relationship

898
01:06:01.080 --> 01:06:02.720
was going to be getting serious.

899
01:06:02.720 --> 01:06:05.240
In your situation, obviously, when they meet you,

900
01:06:05.240 --> 01:06:06.880
they're gonna immediately know.

901
01:06:06.880 --> 01:06:09.960
But hopefully by that time that they've been intrigued enough

902
01:06:09.960 --> 01:06:11.920
and interested enough in getting to know you better,

903
01:06:11.920 --> 01:06:13.680
that it's not gonna be a big deal.

904
01:06:13.680 --> 01:06:15.840
'Cause once again, that's not who you are.

905
01:06:15.840 --> 01:06:17.980
It's just part of what you deal with.

906
01:06:17.980 --> 01:06:21.400
- Okay, cool. Thank you.

907
01:06:21.400 --> 01:06:22.240
- You're welcome.

908
01:06:22.240 --> 01:06:24.240
Victoria, and you guys, that goes for all of you

909
01:06:24.240 --> 01:06:26.080
that have something in your life

910
01:06:26.080 --> 01:06:28.160
that is just kind of on a need-to-know basis

911
01:06:28.160 --> 01:06:30.120
and if they don't need to know,

912
01:06:30.120 --> 01:06:32.520
then they don't need to know, right?

913
01:06:32.520 --> 01:06:34.440
Okay, Victoria, what do you got?

914
01:06:34.440 --> 01:06:37.440
- Hi, Jackie.

915
01:06:37.440 --> 01:06:39.680
I just wanted to ask you a question in regards to,

916
01:06:39.680 --> 01:06:42.040
I was just kind of similar

917
01:06:42.040 --> 01:06:43.760
'cause you just brought it up a little bit of disability.

918
01:06:43.760 --> 01:06:48.760
So I'm on the neurotypical scale a little bit.

919
01:06:48.760 --> 01:06:52.880
So sometimes I have, when I get pretty nervous,

920
01:06:52.880 --> 01:06:56.200
I end up having my speech epidemic comes out

921
01:06:56.200 --> 01:06:58.160
and then I just go a little bit.

922
01:06:58.160 --> 01:07:01.160
And I go, oh, I'm walking away.

923
01:07:01.160 --> 01:07:04.480
This fails and then I walk away, I get too nervous

924
01:07:04.480 --> 01:07:06.960
and I end up stuttering or can't pronouncing the words

925
01:07:06.960 --> 01:07:10.640
or I forget the words, especially if a guy of interest.

926
01:07:10.640 --> 01:07:13.480
And then sometimes, so, and then there's other times

927
01:07:13.480 --> 01:07:16.400
where I don't even notice the guy is flirting with me

928
01:07:16.400 --> 01:07:18.640
until I look back later going,

929
01:07:18.640 --> 01:07:21.160
oh wait, he was actually very interested in me.

930
01:07:21.160 --> 01:07:23.400
I didn't notice until now, like hours later.

931
01:07:23.400 --> 01:07:26.000
And then I feel like slightly embarrassed

932
01:07:26.000 --> 01:07:30.680
'cause I keep a calm, very calm demeanor face

933
01:07:30.680 --> 01:07:35.000
and takes more effort for me to express more of my face.

934
01:07:35.000 --> 01:07:37.400
Like, oh, I'm joyful, I'm interested,

935
01:07:37.400 --> 01:07:38.880
I'm really trying to pay attention

936
01:07:38.880 --> 01:07:42.080
and then I feel drained later from doing that.

937
01:07:42.080 --> 01:07:45.840
So I'm just wondering what your advice would be

938
01:07:45.840 --> 01:07:49.320
just to still be myself, but you know,

939
01:07:49.320 --> 01:07:54.080
not let be too nervous, I don't know if I can see.

940
01:07:54.080 --> 01:07:55.200
- Well, here's the thing.

941
01:07:55.200 --> 01:07:58.440
The thing is is that no matter what kind of nervous

942
01:07:58.440 --> 01:08:02.560
takes you have, all of you, gentlemen, you included,

943
01:08:02.560 --> 01:08:05.120
someone who is really vibing with you,

944
01:08:05.120 --> 01:08:07.040
who thinks you're cool, who wants to get to know you,

945
01:08:07.040 --> 01:08:09.400
they're just gonna find that endearing.

946
01:08:09.400 --> 01:08:11.640
They're just gonna find it endearing.

947
01:08:11.640 --> 01:08:13.560
I remember when my husband was my neighbor

948
01:08:13.560 --> 01:08:16.640
and he showed up, I was a broker during the day,

949
01:08:16.640 --> 01:08:18.840
but at night, I moonlighted at this pizza place

950
01:08:18.840 --> 01:08:21.200
that was near our house, it was like a bar, like a pub.

951
01:08:21.200 --> 01:08:24.920
And him and his best friend showed up at this pub,

952
01:08:24.920 --> 01:08:26.840
you know, pizza pub that I worked at

953
01:08:26.840 --> 01:08:28.560
and I was like surprised to see him there

954
01:08:28.560 --> 01:08:31.200
'cause like I said, he was just still my neighbor neighbor

955
01:08:31.200 --> 01:08:35.000
and they sat in my booth and I got so nervous

956
01:08:35.000 --> 01:08:37.040
that I was just over there and I was like,

957
01:08:37.040 --> 01:08:39.960
they sat in my section and I'm like talking to them

958
01:08:39.960 --> 01:08:41.479
and I didn't know his friend at all

959
01:08:41.479 --> 01:08:43.000
and I'm just yapping, right?

960
01:08:43.000 --> 01:08:44.920
I'm just becoming a yapper, just like,

961
01:08:44.920 --> 01:08:46.720
blah, blah, blah, blah, just yapping away

962
01:08:46.720 --> 01:08:49.160
and I had this tray of like dirty dishes

963
01:08:49.160 --> 01:08:51.920
and they serve popcorn and stuff at this place

964
01:08:51.920 --> 01:08:56.160
and half eaten like tray of popcorn and I'm yapping

965
01:08:56.160 --> 01:08:58.399
and I am so animated that I hit the tray

966
01:08:58.399 --> 01:09:01.960
and it goes flying and everything on at all the popcorn

967
01:09:01.960 --> 01:09:05.800
just rain down everywhere and I was just like

968
01:09:05.800 --> 01:09:08.279
and I just kept talking, like it didn't even happen

969
01:09:08.279 --> 01:09:10.560
and then my now husband was like,

970
01:09:10.560 --> 01:09:13.040
are you gonna clean that up?

971
01:09:16.319 --> 01:09:18.160
And it's so funny 'cause now that I know him,

972
01:09:18.160 --> 01:09:19.880
he's like a total clean freak

973
01:09:19.880 --> 01:09:21.880
so it probably bothered him a lot

974
01:09:21.880 --> 01:09:24.319
that I was just letting it just sit there.

975
01:09:24.319 --> 01:09:27.080
But you know what, Victoria, it didn't stop him

976
01:09:27.080 --> 01:09:29.240
from thinking I was cute.

977
01:09:29.240 --> 01:09:31.319
So if you have a little stutter,

978
01:09:31.319 --> 01:09:34.000
a little speech impediment, you say the wrong word,

979
01:09:34.000 --> 01:09:35.600
you know, you're the only person

980
01:09:35.600 --> 01:09:38.399
that that is going to get on the nerves of, you know?

981
01:09:38.399 --> 01:09:41.680
And from now on, since you don't really know

982
01:09:41.680 --> 01:09:44.760
until after the fact if someone is trying to talk to you,

983
01:09:44.760 --> 01:09:47.240
if a man is talking to you that it's unmarried,

984
01:09:47.240 --> 01:09:49.319
just assume he's talking to you for that reason,

985
01:09:49.319 --> 01:09:52.640
the worst that you can be is wrong and who cares?

986
01:09:52.640 --> 01:09:57.520
Just go ahead and assume that this man thinks I'm cute.

987
01:10:02.680 --> 01:10:05.840
You like me, you wanna marry me or whatever.

988
01:10:05.840 --> 01:10:07.640
You wanna kiss me, I forget what she says.

989
01:10:07.640 --> 01:10:09.140
Just adopt it.

990
01:10:09.140 --> 01:10:13.240
- Okay. - Okay.

991
01:10:13.240 --> 01:10:15.080
- Tell yourself, this man likes me.

992
01:10:15.080 --> 01:10:16.640
He's talking to me, he's seeking me out.

993
01:10:16.640 --> 01:10:17.840
He must like me.

994
01:10:17.840 --> 01:10:19.840
Okay, Julianne. - Thanks.

995
01:10:19.840 --> 01:10:20.840
- Yes.

996
01:10:20.840 --> 01:10:21.680
- Hi Jackie.

997
01:10:21.680 --> 01:10:26.120
- I have two cool questions that are related.

998
01:10:26.120 --> 01:10:29.240
The first one, there's that verse

999
01:10:29.240 --> 01:10:31.080
that says as far as it depends on you,

1000
01:10:31.080 --> 01:10:32.440
live at peace with everyone.

1001
01:10:32.440 --> 01:10:35.920
And so I spent the last eight years

1002
01:10:35.920 --> 01:10:37.760
trying to figure things out with my parents

1003
01:10:37.760 --> 01:10:39.960
and it's gotten to the place where they have initiated

1004
01:10:39.960 --> 01:10:40.800
no contact.

1005
01:10:40.800 --> 01:10:43.880
And so God gave me a replacement family.

1006
01:10:43.880 --> 01:10:45.760
I go on all the family vacations with them.

1007
01:10:45.760 --> 01:10:46.920
Like it's amazing.

1008
01:10:46.920 --> 01:10:48.040
God's taking care of me.

1009
01:10:48.040 --> 01:10:49.960
I have a lot of long-term relationships.

1010
01:10:49.960 --> 01:10:51.480
Like this is just my parents.

1011
01:10:51.480 --> 01:10:54.960
At what point do I bring that up?

1012
01:10:54.960 --> 01:10:58.120
Because people always ask about your parents and things.

1013
01:10:58.120 --> 01:11:00.200
I have a great relationship with my brother.

1014
01:11:00.200 --> 01:11:04.480
You know, I don't wanna lie.

1015
01:11:04.480 --> 01:11:06.200
- I don't think that it's anyone's business

1016
01:11:06.200 --> 01:11:08.680
unless it becomes more serious situation.

1017
01:11:08.680 --> 01:11:11.760
If you get to a place in a relationship

1018
01:11:11.760 --> 01:11:13.920
where it would be time to meet the family,

1019
01:11:13.920 --> 01:11:16.040
that's when you can talk about your relationship

1020
01:11:16.040 --> 01:11:17.200
with your family.

1021
01:11:17.200 --> 01:11:18.040
- Okay.

1022
01:11:18.040 --> 01:11:18.960
- You know, there's a lot of people

1023
01:11:18.960 --> 01:11:20.600
that are no contact with their parents,

1024
01:11:20.600 --> 01:11:22.840
with siblings, different members of the family.

1025
01:11:22.840 --> 01:11:25.720
Unfortunately, there's a lot of broken families out there.

1026
01:11:25.720 --> 01:11:27.000
It's not that weird.

1027
01:11:27.000 --> 01:11:28.920
I will tell you though,

1028
01:11:28.920 --> 01:11:31.240
and this would just not be the person for you,

1029
01:11:31.240 --> 01:11:33.480
but I do have clients, male clients,

1030
01:11:33.480 --> 01:11:36.280
that it is a non-negotiable if someone,

1031
01:11:36.280 --> 01:11:37.800
even if it's not their fault,

1032
01:11:37.800 --> 01:11:40.080
doesn't have a good relationship with their family.

1033
01:11:40.080 --> 01:11:42.280
So there are people that have that as a non-negotiable.

1034
01:11:42.280 --> 01:11:44.800
They just do not want that type of drama in their life.

1035
01:11:44.800 --> 01:11:46.720
They know that they're not the right person

1036
01:11:46.720 --> 01:11:49.840
and they don't have capacity to have compassion for that

1037
01:11:49.840 --> 01:11:52.120
because they have a really close-knit, great family.

1038
01:11:52.120 --> 01:11:54.160
And they want to be with someone

1039
01:11:54.160 --> 01:11:57.960
who also has come from a close-knit, great family.

1040
01:11:57.960 --> 01:12:00.320
And so guess what, that just won't be your person.

1041
01:12:00.320 --> 01:12:03.440
And you'll find that out in probably the second,

1042
01:12:03.440 --> 01:12:05.000
you know, the second 30 days

1043
01:12:05.000 --> 01:12:08.440
when you're starting to try to find compatibility.

1044
01:12:08.440 --> 01:12:11.200
You guys, I think that it's great for people to meet your people

1045
01:12:11.200 --> 01:12:13.440
as soon as possible, not necessarily your family,

1046
01:12:13.440 --> 01:12:15.040
but your friends.

1047
01:12:15.040 --> 01:12:17.440
You know, if you really like someone

1048
01:12:17.440 --> 01:12:19.640
and you're having a great time with them,

1049
01:12:19.640 --> 01:12:22.120
let your friends take a look at them, okay?

1050
01:12:22.120 --> 01:12:25.240
Invite them to something that your friends are going to be at.

1051
01:12:25.240 --> 01:12:26.880
You know, your friends know you're single,

1052
01:12:26.880 --> 01:12:28.320
your friends know you want to mingle.

1053
01:12:28.320 --> 01:12:30.320
They're not going to be surprised that you're on a date

1054
01:12:30.320 --> 01:12:32.440
with someone that you've dated three or four times

1055
01:12:32.440 --> 01:12:34.600
and just let them get around them.

1056
01:12:34.600 --> 01:12:39.600
I would not, however, invite them to your church, okay?

1057
01:12:39.600 --> 01:12:45.200
Because that's going to raise a lot of questions.

1058
01:12:45.200 --> 01:12:47.200
I think you should be a little further along

1059
01:12:47.200 --> 01:12:51.040
to invite them into that type of atmosphere with you

1060
01:12:51.040 --> 01:12:54.440
because if it doesn't work out,

1061
01:12:54.440 --> 01:12:56.680
I've seen this happen way too many times.

1062
01:12:56.680 --> 01:12:58.680
They don't have a church, you invite them to your church.

1063
01:12:58.680 --> 01:12:59.520
They like your church.

1064
01:12:59.520 --> 01:13:00.760
They start going to your church.

1065
01:13:00.760 --> 01:13:02.240
Then you guys don't work out.

1066
01:13:02.240 --> 01:13:05.480
Now they go to your church and they have made friends

1067
01:13:05.480 --> 01:13:07.960
with all your friends and you don't really want

1068
01:13:07.960 --> 01:13:10.360
to be around them because you're not going to be together

1069
01:13:10.360 --> 01:13:12.320
and maybe had a falling out or whatever.

1070
01:13:12.320 --> 01:13:14.280
And you're just like, wait a minute.

1071
01:13:14.280 --> 01:13:16.360
You like hijacked my church.

1072
01:13:16.360 --> 01:13:20.840
You like stole all my friends, okay?

1073
01:13:20.840 --> 01:13:21.920
So just be careful.

1074
01:13:21.920 --> 01:13:23.480
Just have wisdom in that.

1075
01:13:23.480 --> 01:13:25.160
You don't have to integrate them

1076
01:13:25.160 --> 01:13:26.560
into everything in your life.

1077
01:13:26.560 --> 01:13:29.040
But do introduce them to some of your friends

1078
01:13:29.040 --> 01:13:30.080
as quickly as you can.

1079
01:13:30.080 --> 01:13:32.120
I'd say within three or four dates,

1080
01:13:32.120 --> 01:13:33.480
let them meet your best friend

1081
01:13:33.480 --> 01:13:34.800
and your best friend's husband.

1082
01:13:34.800 --> 01:13:36.320
You know, just do the things.

1083
01:13:36.320 --> 01:13:37.840
Someone was asking about long distance.

1084
01:13:37.840 --> 01:13:40.280
I really want to talk about that Natalia.

1085
01:13:40.280 --> 01:13:42.720
My opinion about long distance is that it's really hard.

1086
01:13:42.720 --> 01:13:46.960
And if you do not have capacity for it, do not try it, okay?

1087
01:13:46.960 --> 01:13:49.280
I think that you need to really make sure

1088
01:13:49.280 --> 01:13:52.160
that you know who this person really is,

1089
01:13:52.160 --> 01:13:54.560
not who they're showing you that they are.

1090
01:13:54.560 --> 01:13:56.440
If you were to ask me as a matchmaker

1091
01:13:56.440 --> 01:13:58.720
and as someone who runs a movement for singles,

1092
01:13:58.720 --> 01:14:02.920
what is the number one danger out there right now

1093
01:14:02.920 --> 01:14:04.480
it's long distance relationship.

1094
01:14:04.480 --> 01:14:08.400
And the reason why is I've seen it happen

1095
01:14:08.400 --> 01:14:11.440
over and over and over and over and over again.

1096
01:14:11.440 --> 01:14:13.760
That the courtship is great.

1097
01:14:13.760 --> 01:14:15.720
You see each other very sporadically.

1098
01:14:15.720 --> 01:14:16.880
Everything seems fine.

1099
01:14:16.880 --> 01:14:18.000
Everyone loves each other.

1100
01:14:18.000 --> 01:14:20.720
The families, all the different things, blah, blah, blah.

1101
01:14:20.720 --> 01:14:22.800
Usually these relationships move pretty quickly

1102
01:14:22.800 --> 01:14:24.040
because of the long distance.

1103
01:14:24.040 --> 01:14:26.160
They never do life together at all in person

1104
01:14:26.160 --> 01:14:28.160
until right before the wedding, they get married

1105
01:14:28.160 --> 01:14:30.800
and then they're married to a completely different person

1106
01:14:30.800 --> 01:14:33.560
than the person that they thought that person was.

1107
01:14:33.560 --> 01:14:37.960
And not in a good way, okay?

1108
01:14:37.960 --> 01:14:41.360
And so I have a lot of rules,

1109
01:14:41.360 --> 01:14:43.800
boundaries I should say around long distance dating.

1110
01:14:43.800 --> 01:14:45.360
I do think that you have to ask

1111
01:14:45.360 --> 01:14:46.840
the harder questions faster

1112
01:14:46.840 --> 01:14:49.000
because no one's gonna invest all their time and money

1113
01:14:49.000 --> 01:14:51.560
and energy into getting to know someone

1114
01:14:51.560 --> 01:14:53.960
that they're gonna be incompatible with

1115
01:14:53.960 --> 01:14:56.040
because you can't go on local dates with the person

1116
01:14:56.040 --> 01:14:57.040
and find out about them.

1117
01:14:57.040 --> 01:14:59.400
So you almost have to give them an interrogation.

1118
01:15:07.040 --> 01:15:12.080
In the first couple conversations, like, "Hey, you know, if something worked out between us,

1119
01:15:12.080 --> 01:15:17.040
you know, would you be willing to move to Dallas, to Austin, to wherever you live?" And they're like,

1120
01:15:17.040 --> 01:15:22.880
"No, I can't move." It was really nice talking to you, but, you know, we're not a potential match at all.

1121
01:15:24.080 --> 01:15:30.880
If you cannot relook, do you know how many people? I know that are in long distance love affairs

1122
01:15:30.880 --> 01:15:36.000
with someone they can never be with because they cannot move because they have a shared parenting

1123
01:15:36.000 --> 01:15:41.120
agreement with their former spouse or divorce, whatever, whatever. And they are now praying that

1124
01:15:41.120 --> 01:15:46.960
some miracle happens that their former spouse lets them out of the shared parenting agreement,

1125
01:15:46.960 --> 01:15:50.960
that this happens, that that happens. I've even had people, unfortunately,

1126
01:15:51.600 --> 01:15:56.960
leave their kids with their former spouse so that they can move away and be with

1127
01:15:56.960 --> 01:16:02.320
the person that they've fallen in love with. And I'm not talking about men. I'm talking about women

1128
01:16:02.320 --> 01:16:10.880
leaving their children. Okay? So, you guys, do not get immeshed, and that is the word. Do not get

1129
01:16:10.880 --> 01:16:17.600
immeshed with someone that lives far away, that does not, you're non-negotiable, should be that

1130
01:16:17.600 --> 01:16:22.960
you can't relocate. And so, if it's long distance, you have to immediately ask about that. Okay?

1131
01:16:22.960 --> 01:16:32.240
Also, you need to, you need to get in person as soon as you can, as soon as you can. And ladies,

1132
01:16:32.240 --> 01:16:37.760
they need to come to you. Do not go to them. They need to come to you. They're a stranger from the

1133
01:16:37.760 --> 01:16:43.520
internet. They need to come to you. I don't care if they're just two hours away. I consider long

1134
01:16:43.520 --> 01:16:51.920
distance anything over four hour drive. Two hours is short distance. You know, if you can, if you can

1135
01:16:51.920 --> 01:16:57.520
drive there and back comfortably in the same day, it's not long, long distance. But it's enough

1136
01:16:57.520 --> 01:17:05.600
distance that they can kind of hide who they really are from you. Right? They can. And everyone

1137
01:17:05.600 --> 01:17:10.320
can hide their crazy for a little while. And so, it's important that you get together with them

1138
01:17:10.320 --> 01:17:15.040
and you get together with their people. If they don't have people, that's already a red flag.

1139
01:17:15.040 --> 01:17:18.800
Why don't they have any people? Why don't they have any friends? Why don't they have any community?

1140
01:17:18.800 --> 01:17:23.920
When you are visiting them eventually, you should insist on meeting their friends in their community.

1141
01:17:23.920 --> 01:17:28.720
And in context, like, hey, let me go to church with you. You need to see how other people act

1142
01:17:28.720 --> 01:17:34.480
around them. Are they really a member of this church? Have you guys ever entered a church that,

1143
01:17:34.480 --> 01:17:39.360
you know, you don't go to? People are kind of friendly, but they're not really friendly.

1144
01:17:39.360 --> 01:17:44.480
If you enter a church that you really go to, everyone says hi to you. Everyone acknowledges

1145
01:17:44.480 --> 01:17:48.160
you. So you're going to be seeing real quickly whether or not they really go to church there,

1146
01:17:48.160 --> 01:17:53.840
if you go to church with them, because everyone should know them. People should be coming up and

1147
01:17:53.840 --> 01:17:58.240
saying hi to them. You know, people should be acknowledging them. If it's a really big church,

1148
01:17:58.240 --> 01:18:02.720
they should still have people acknowledging them, calling them by name. That should happen. If it

1149
01:18:02.720 --> 01:18:07.120
doesn't, then guess what? They're not really a church goer. And if that's important to you,

1150
01:18:07.120 --> 01:18:10.240
and it's on your non-negotiable list, and these are things you should be watching for.

1151
01:18:10.240 --> 01:18:15.760
So I'd love to talk a lot more about long distance, because once again, I want to keep you safe,

1152
01:18:15.760 --> 01:18:20.000
and I do think that long distance relationships are viable. I think that it's a way that people

1153
01:18:20.000 --> 01:18:24.400
can meet and get married, but you just have to be very wise about it. Yes, Sania, what do you got?

1154
01:18:24.400 --> 01:18:33.440
So the more I hear you talk about just dating and the more I read your book, I think I mishandled

1155
01:18:33.440 --> 01:18:40.000
me dating this guy. I went on two dates, but I think I pressured him for him to say that he

1156
01:18:40.000 --> 01:18:45.760
doesn't have capacity, because it was only two dates. And I feel like maybe I made him think like,

1157
01:18:45.760 --> 01:18:50.800
I need to know if I'm going to marry you or not right now. Oh no, you fumbled him, you said yeah.

1158
01:18:50.800 --> 01:18:55.520
Yeah, because he's present. If I brought up an issue, he would address it. And then,

1159
01:18:55.520 --> 01:19:01.680
like I said, I wanted more connections. So he would text me more. But yeah, I do feel like I

1160
01:19:01.680 --> 01:19:07.600
pressured him a lot. So we ended it days. You're just watching, honey, you're just watching,

1161
01:19:07.600 --> 01:19:12.080
you're just curious, you're just watching, ladies, it's really important that you do not

1162
01:19:12.080 --> 01:19:17.440
try to train a man, what you're dating him on how to treat you. I need more texting,

1163
01:19:17.440 --> 01:19:20.640
I need more time, I need more phone calls and need more dates. No, just let them do what

1164
01:19:20.640 --> 01:19:26.080
naturally comes to them if you want to see who they really are. So can I circle back around?

1165
01:19:26.080 --> 01:19:33.440
We ended it. We said, no, but who ended it? We both did. First, he was like, okay, yes,

1166
01:19:33.440 --> 01:19:39.760
let's try it. Then I said, no, then he said, yes, then I said, no. I mean, you could circle back

1167
01:19:39.760 --> 01:19:43.920
around and say, Hey, I was in a dating class. And you could just be really honest, you could say

1168
01:19:43.920 --> 01:19:49.280
what you just said to me, I was in a dating class. And I think I did this all wrong. And you know,

1169
01:19:49.280 --> 01:19:53.040
and if you're not someone who's dated a lot, you can blame it on that. You can just say,

1170
01:19:53.040 --> 01:19:59.760
I don't know what I'm doing. But we did, you know, we did have some good connectivity. And I would like,

1171
01:20:04.320 --> 01:20:08.800
were, you could try and report in the group, because we want to know what

1172
01:20:08.800 --> 01:20:13.480
happens with that. You guys, you will have access to your replays in, in your,

1173
01:20:13.480 --> 01:20:17.000
in your app, you'll have access to these replays and all your materials for

1174
01:20:17.000 --> 01:20:22.280
another, I think 60 days, I believe. Um, so that's not going anywhere.

1175
01:20:22.280 --> 01:20:25.760
Okay. You send a report back to us because we want to know, Helena, what do

1176
01:20:25.760 --> 01:20:27.880
you got? Hey, girl, how are you?

1177
01:20:28.720 --> 01:20:34.360
Hi, sorry, I'm in a car trying to pick up some from the airport. Um, I'm not

1178
01:20:34.360 --> 01:20:39.440
driving. Um, I just had a few more questions, I guess, around long distance.

1179
01:20:39.440 --> 01:20:46.320
Um, strategy now, I probably just forgot my thought. Um, what was the question?

1180
01:20:46.320 --> 01:20:51.720
Mmm. Okay. So I'm trying to, because I do travel a lot, I'm trying a little bit

1181
01:20:51.720 --> 01:20:56.200
of a new strategy to change one of my online profile things to be in a

1182
01:20:56.200 --> 01:20:59.680
different place that I think there might be some quality men that have more of

1183
01:20:59.680 --> 01:21:03.560
the same type of values and a place that's accessible for either myself or

1184
01:21:03.560 --> 01:21:10.560
him to travel, um, to meet, like, I don't know, is that a good strategy?

1185
01:21:10.560 --> 01:21:15.840
I just feel like in my particular area, BC, a lot of the men are not in the

1186
01:21:15.840 --> 01:21:20.920
mindset of settling and committing. And so I'm trying to look in other regions

1187
01:21:20.920 --> 01:21:26.520
where maybe there's more mindset for, um, marriage and less, just a mindset of

1188
01:21:26.520 --> 01:21:27.240
playing around.

1189
01:21:27.240 --> 01:21:33.720
Yeah, I mean, you know, you guys, there's a lot of, there's a lot of tricks to the

1190
01:21:33.720 --> 01:21:38.880
apps, there's apps where, you know, you literally can, you know, find people that

1191
01:21:38.880 --> 01:21:42.400
are at the same, that are at the same restaurant as you.

1192
01:21:42.400 --> 01:21:47.400
There are tricks, you know, I could teach you guys those tricks on how you can get

1193
01:21:47.400 --> 01:21:51.680
on. And there's certain apps, there's three of them where you actually can find

1194
01:21:51.680 --> 01:21:56.760
people who are like, in proximity to you right now, you know, they're at the same

1195
01:21:56.760 --> 01:22:00.920
football game as you, they're at the same restaurant as you, you know, and then

1196
01:22:00.920 --> 01:22:03.720
you can see people in the wild, you know, you can meet people in the wild and

1197
01:22:03.720 --> 01:22:07.600
different things. There's lots of things you can do. When you're traveling, do I

1198
01:22:07.600 --> 01:22:12.840
think that you should set your, set your app to meet people locally, even though

1199
01:22:12.840 --> 01:22:14.400
you don't live there? Is that the question?

1200
01:22:15.200 --> 01:22:20.080
Yeah, like, because I do travel, if I set it to where I'm going a week or even

1201
01:22:20.080 --> 01:22:23.440
month in advance, then, yeah, then I'm meeting up with people going on dates.

1202
01:22:23.440 --> 01:22:29.480
I guess the question after that is, for the ones that are further long distance,

1203
01:22:29.480 --> 01:22:32.880
it's some of those questions. What are some more of those strategic questions?

1204
01:22:32.880 --> 01:22:35.280
Like you said, you've got to ask some of these bigger questions.

1205
01:22:35.280 --> 01:22:39.640
More. I think it's great to do what you're doing as long as you let them

1206
01:22:39.640 --> 01:22:42.200
know when they match with you that you don't live locally and that you're just

1207
01:22:42.200 --> 01:22:45.880
going to be visiting. So let them know, give them an out if they don't want to

1208
01:22:45.880 --> 01:22:48.880
start anything long distance because you are going to be long distance, you

1209
01:22:48.880 --> 01:22:51.880
know, even if you're local for the date, you're still going to be long distance.

1210
01:22:51.880 --> 01:22:55.040
So as long as you're being honest with them about that, I think that's fine.

1211
01:22:55.040 --> 01:22:59.240
Because I've had people get mad. I've had people say that people get mad if

1212
01:22:59.240 --> 01:23:02.320
they find out that, Oh, we had a really great time. What do you mean you don't

1213
01:23:02.320 --> 01:23:07.040
live here? You know, so, so yeah, be honest about that. But I think that once

1214
01:23:07.040 --> 01:23:10.560
you're honest about that, they're like, cool, I still want to meet you. I think

1215
01:23:10.560 --> 01:23:15.400
that, you know, you do ask those questions right away. So hey, you know, on

1216
01:23:15.400 --> 01:23:19.960
the date, obviously get on the date and find out if there's even any any kind

1217
01:23:19.960 --> 01:23:23.360
of interest in getting to know this person. But if you have a really great

1218
01:23:23.360 --> 01:23:27.600
date and then you're in town and you end up on two or three dates because it

1219
01:23:27.600 --> 01:23:31.280
was you're having such a good time with this person. And then you start asking

1220
01:23:31.280 --> 01:23:35.840
questions like, you know, are you open to long distance? Obviously you

1221
01:23:35.840 --> 01:23:41.800
entertained, you know, my my match. So you must be at some level. But you

1222
01:23:41.800 --> 01:23:46.400
know, do you want to continue to try to see if something can work out here?

1223
01:23:46.400 --> 01:23:50.200
You got to find that out. Got to kind of define you got to define the

1224
01:23:50.200 --> 01:23:54.440
intention, right? Maybe not the relationship, but the intention of the

1225
01:23:54.440 --> 01:23:55.960
relationship pretty quickly.

1226
01:23:55.960 --> 01:24:00.320
Yeah, okay. And at what point, like, if you're long distance, do you bring in

1227
01:24:00.320 --> 01:24:04.000
like other community members? I mean, ideally, I guess one person has to

1228
01:24:04.000 --> 01:24:08.160
relocate once you decide to be more serious, right? So then I think that

1229
01:24:08.160 --> 01:24:12.480
you should meet people in, you know, because you're going to be obviously

1230
01:24:12.480 --> 01:24:16.640
way more planned with these dates, like after the initial visit, you're

1231
01:24:16.640 --> 01:24:19.480
going to have to plan out when you're coming next when they're coming next.

1232
01:24:19.480 --> 01:24:23.640
I think immediately long distance people should meet people that know you

1233
01:24:23.640 --> 01:24:28.760
so they can bet them out to right. Okay. And then if it's further, I'm

1234
01:24:28.760 --> 01:24:32.080
talking to one person who's in the UK. So that's a longer distance. That's

1235
01:24:32.080 --> 01:24:36.800
not like we, you know, I said, you've got to come make a plan for us to meet

1236
01:24:36.800 --> 01:24:40.120
within the next few months. Otherwise, I don't want to continue like having

1237
01:24:40.120 --> 01:24:43.840
conversations. So he's looking into a schedule to see if it could work. But in

1238
01:24:43.840 --> 01:24:47.720
the meantime, there is like zoom calls we could have where we could be asking

1239
01:24:47.720 --> 01:24:51.600
more strategic questions. What types of things should we be asking? Like it's

1240
01:24:51.600 --> 01:24:54.960
personality, a big thing. I found out recently is a probably an extreme

1241
01:24:54.960 --> 01:24:58.520
introvert in a home body. And I'm kind of probably not that. So I really think

1242
01:24:58.520 --> 01:24:59.680
it's not going to be a match.

1243
01:25:03.400 --> 01:25:07.800
What I don't want anyone to do is get emotionally connected to someone.

1244
01:25:07.800 --> 01:25:10.280
That's long distance before you meet them in person.

1245
01:25:10.280 --> 01:25:14.520
And even after you meet them in person, I think it's really important to make sure

1246
01:25:14.520 --> 01:25:20.600
that you don't end up, you know, emotionally tied to each other in case

1247
01:25:20.600 --> 01:25:22.560
this doesn't, in case this can't work out.

1248
01:25:22.560 --> 01:25:25.680
And one of the tricks that a lot of people do when they actually start dating

1249
01:25:25.680 --> 01:25:29.440
someone long distance and they're dating like towards relationship towards marriage

1250
01:25:29.760 --> 01:25:34.680
is you utilize your village, your community to house this person when they come in town.

1251
01:25:34.680 --> 01:25:39.520
So you get the cops down, right, you start pulling plane points.

1252
01:25:39.520 --> 01:25:42.680
Once you guys listen, they come to you first, ladies.

1253
01:25:42.680 --> 01:25:46.480
But once you decide that you guys are really going to try to make this work

1254
01:25:46.480 --> 01:25:49.640
and try to make this happen and there's enough potential here to build on,

1255
01:25:49.640 --> 01:25:52.120
then you start pulling your resources.

1256
01:25:52.120 --> 01:25:56.560
Like, you know, you're using your frequent flyer points to help the flights happen.

1257
01:25:56.760 --> 01:26:00.480
You're utilizing your community to board them up when they come in town.

1258
01:26:00.480 --> 01:26:04.600
This is what you got to do in order to make this situation happen.

1259
01:26:04.600 --> 01:26:09.000
I don't think that it's smart to get involved in a long distance relationship

1260
01:26:09.000 --> 01:26:10.720
if you have no resources at all.

1261
01:26:10.720 --> 01:26:13.880
Because if you don't, then how are you going to do it?

1262
01:26:13.880 --> 01:26:15.360
Absolutely.

1263
01:26:15.360 --> 01:26:18.360
Yeah. And I like that idea of having the community be involved.

1264
01:26:18.360 --> 01:26:21.840
So I need to keep building my community in order to be ready for that.

1265
01:26:21.840 --> 01:26:23.680
Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

1266
01:26:23.680 --> 01:26:24.680
Thank you.

1267
01:26:24.680 --> 01:26:25.200
Thanks.

1268
01:26:25.200 --> 01:26:26.320
Nice to see you again.

1269
01:26:26.320 --> 01:26:27.480
Yes. Nice to see you.

1270
01:26:27.480 --> 01:26:28.320
OK.

1271
01:26:28.320 --> 01:26:29.680
Hold on.

1272
01:26:29.680 --> 01:26:30.640
I'm going to scroll.

1273
01:26:30.640 --> 01:26:33.760
Could you please describe the difference between marriage minded and marriage curious

1274
01:26:33.760 --> 01:26:36.480
and how to identify that in myself and in a man?

1275
01:26:36.480 --> 01:26:40.040
Marriage curious are people that think marriage sounds like a good thing.

1276
01:26:40.040 --> 01:26:42.200
They could be interested in getting married someday.

1277
01:26:42.200 --> 01:26:45.160
Marriage minded are people who have made room in their life

1278
01:26:45.160 --> 01:26:48.080
and that they are intentionally looking for their spouse.

1279
01:26:48.080 --> 01:26:54.040
They're not curious about marriage someday down the road.

1280
01:26:54.600 --> 01:26:55.800
You know, there was this guy.

1281
01:26:55.800 --> 01:26:59.680
I did a Instagram video about this.

1282
01:26:59.680 --> 01:27:03.760
You know, he said that he lives day to day, but he's 42 years old.

1283
01:27:03.760 --> 01:27:07.360
OK, that's not a marriage minded person.

1284
01:27:07.360 --> 01:27:08.920
That's a marriage curious person.

1285
01:27:08.920 --> 01:27:12.040
A marriage minded person is someone who has

1286
01:27:12.040 --> 01:27:17.440
been getting out of debt, who has, you know, been thinking about, you know,

1287
01:27:17.440 --> 01:27:20.960
what it's going to look like to cohabitate with someone where they're going to live.

1288
01:27:21.800 --> 01:27:25.880
You know, what kind of, you know, what if if they're in the childbearing years,

1289
01:27:25.880 --> 01:27:28.040
you know, what would it look like to marry a woman?

1290
01:27:28.040 --> 01:27:32.360
Especially if if you're getting married to a woman in her mid or late thirties,

1291
01:27:32.360 --> 01:27:34.840
you know, she's probably going to want to start having kids right away.

1292
01:27:34.840 --> 01:27:39.160
So, you know, can I afford to have a, you know, a woman?

1293
01:27:39.160 --> 01:27:42.920
That's my wife that stays at home and has a child.

1294
01:27:42.920 --> 01:27:47.200
You know, these are marriage minded people, people that have thought about this

1295
01:27:47.480 --> 01:27:52.080
and are making the necessary preparations to be married.

1296
01:27:52.080 --> 01:27:56.080
Marriage curious people are just like, yeah, you know, if it happens, it happens.

1297
01:27:56.080 --> 01:27:57.280
And it sounds like a good idea.

1298
01:27:57.280 --> 01:28:00.920
And if I meet the right one, then I definitely, you know, think about getting

1299
01:28:00.920 --> 01:28:02.080
married someday.

1300
01:28:02.080 --> 01:28:05.760
It's just like, you know, just out there somewhere.

1301
01:28:05.760 --> 01:28:11.200
And that's why it's not, it's not a good question to ask people if they believe

1302
01:28:11.200 --> 01:28:11.960
in marriage.

1303
01:28:11.960 --> 01:28:14.280
Oh, do you believe in marriage?

1304
01:28:14.280 --> 01:28:16.960
A lot of people believe in marriage.

1305
01:28:17.840 --> 01:28:19.120
Doesn't mean they want to get married.

1306
01:28:19.120 --> 01:28:22.720
It's kind of like asking people, do you believe in Jesus?

1307
01:28:22.720 --> 01:28:24.160
Well, yeah, I believe in Jesus.

1308
01:28:24.160 --> 01:28:24.520
Okay.

1309
01:28:24.520 --> 01:28:25.800
Well, do you follow him?

1310
01:28:25.800 --> 01:28:30.840
There's a big difference between those two things, right?

1311
01:28:30.840 --> 01:28:34.120
Yeah.

1312
01:28:34.120 --> 01:28:35.240
Okay.

1313
01:28:35.240 --> 01:28:37.000
So don't be asking people if they believe in marriage.

1314
01:28:37.000 --> 01:28:38.240
A lot of people believe in marriage.

1315
01:28:38.240 --> 01:28:39.880
They believe in marriage for somebody else.

1316
01:28:39.880 --> 01:28:40.680
All right.

1317
01:28:40.680 --> 01:28:42.800
I love that great assumption.

1318
01:28:42.800 --> 01:28:46.040
I thought adopting it gets you in trouble.

1319
01:28:46.040 --> 01:28:54.880
Um, um, uh, uh, Jackie, that, that was my note when you were talking about,

1320
01:28:54.880 --> 01:28:59.920
if a guy is talking to you, then you should say, you should just assume he's

1321
01:28:59.920 --> 01:29:00.560
interested.

1322
01:29:00.560 --> 01:29:02.680
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1323
01:29:02.680 --> 01:29:03.520
Yes.

1324
01:29:03.520 --> 01:29:04.680
Yes.

1325
01:29:04.680 --> 01:29:10.200
I mean, you have to, because if you're the kind of person, like, uh, like Victoria was

1326
01:29:10.200 --> 01:29:14.920
saying that just has a hard time picking up on the cues, just go ahead and decide if

1327
01:29:14.920 --> 01:29:18.680
any man seeks you out for conversation that's not married, don't be flirting with

1328
01:29:18.680 --> 01:29:24.400
someone's husband, he is interested in you and just act accordingly.

1329
01:29:24.400 --> 01:29:28.000
The worst thing can happen is you can, you know, you can drop the hankie.

1330
01:29:28.000 --> 01:29:33.160
And then he can just say, nah, you know, like, uh, I'm busy or, you know, most men

1331
01:29:33.160 --> 01:29:34.400
are not going to be offensive to you.

1332
01:29:34.400 --> 01:29:38.720
They're just kind of like, you know, hem and ha and kind of avoid.

1333
01:29:38.720 --> 01:29:41.800
And if they do that, then, you know, they're not interested.

1334
01:29:41.800 --> 01:29:43.960
They dislike attention.

1335
01:29:43.960 --> 01:29:46.480
Maybe, um, okay.

1336
01:29:46.480 --> 01:29:47.160
Let's see.

1337
01:29:47.160 --> 01:29:49.440
One vice on this.

1338
01:29:49.440 --> 01:29:51.480
So many people want advice on long distance.

1339
01:29:51.480 --> 01:29:51.720
Okay.

1340
01:29:51.720 --> 01:29:54.200
Hopefully I gave you guys a lot of advice on that.

1341
01:29:54.200 --> 01:29:57.480
Um, yes, two hours across the border.

1342
01:29:57.480 --> 01:30:00.040
You guys, if it's across the border, look, I have

1343
01:30:06.560 --> 01:30:15.360
all, but mostly America and Canada. All right. And it is rough. It is hard. The amount of

1344
01:30:15.360 --> 01:30:22.400
time that it takes, Canadians, Canada, Canada, I'm like, what's the name of this country?

1345
01:30:22.400 --> 01:30:33.840
Canada does not want to let its people go. It wants to keep all of them there. My husband

1346
01:30:33.840 --> 01:30:39.820
is in the other room. He's like, the name of the country is Egypt. They do not want to

1347
01:30:39.820 --> 01:30:46.360
let their people go. Okay. And so they make it very difficult, very difficult on you.

1348
01:30:46.360 --> 01:30:51.360
And America doesn't like Canada that much either, the government. So they're like, prove,

1349
01:30:51.360 --> 01:30:56.960
that you love each other. So I have a lot of international love stories, America, South

1350
01:30:56.960 --> 01:31:03.080
Africa, America and South Africa, America and India, America and Canada, America and the

1351
01:31:03.080 --> 01:31:11.200
UK, trying to think America and Brazil. And I think the hardest of all of them is America

1352
01:31:11.200 --> 01:31:25.640
and Canada. All right. How do you interview potential men without getting your heart involved?

1353
01:31:25.640 --> 01:31:29.280
If you're an anxious attacher, Jennifer, I don't know what your attachment style is,

1354
01:31:29.280 --> 01:31:33.200
but if you know that you fall quickly, you get really, you start getting limerence, which

1355
01:31:33.200 --> 01:31:38.840
means you start kind of fantasizing about what if they're the one? And if you know that you're

1356
01:31:38.840 --> 01:31:47.100
that kind of person, then you're really going to have to stay in a specific place until

1357
01:31:47.100 --> 01:31:53.960
there's, there's true, there's true proof of potential. You're going to have to, you

1358
01:31:53.960 --> 01:31:59.520
know, really just, you know, you're going to have to please yourself. I hate to say it,

1359
01:31:59.520 --> 01:32:03.440
but you're just really going to have to please yourself. No long conversations before you

1360
01:32:03.440 --> 01:32:07.480
meet with them, especially long distance. Oh, these are the people that fall in love with

1361
01:32:07.480 --> 01:32:12.400
some long distance fantasy. And then you meet up with them and, you know, you know, they're,

1362
01:32:12.400 --> 01:32:18.680
they got a 10 in their height, but it ain't five, 10. Okay. And so it's four or 10 or

1363
01:32:18.680 --> 01:32:24.120
something crazy. And so it's just a situation where you have to really make sure that you

1364
01:32:24.120 --> 01:32:29.640
are not falling in love with something that's really not true or real. And so if you know

1365
01:32:29.640 --> 01:32:33.840
that you're the kind of person that does that, then you're going to have to please yourself.

1366
01:32:33.840 --> 01:32:37.760
You're going to have to follow the rules. You're going to have to follow the structure. And

1367
01:32:37.760 --> 01:32:41.080
no one can make you do that. But if you're tired of getting the same outcome, then you're

1368
01:32:41.080 --> 01:32:48.200
going to have to change this. Okay. All right. Is anyone have questions about LYS? We're,

1369
01:32:48.200 --> 01:32:52.360
we're a little bit over time, but I want to answer any questions about LYS. Actually,

1370
01:32:52.360 --> 01:32:57.920
let me just give you synopsis of LYS. Currently, what LYS is, is it's a three phase program

1371
01:32:57.920 --> 01:33:01.600
designed to help marriage minded single step into their love story. The first phase is

1372
01:33:01.600 --> 01:33:07.920
interhealing is called heart work. It is a protocol that I created back in 2015. And

1373
01:33:07.920 --> 01:33:12.120
I've been using it to help people in their love lives for many, many, many years. And

1374
01:33:12.120 --> 01:33:16.520
it is super natural. Even if you've done any kind of therapy, any kind of counseling,

1375
01:33:16.520 --> 01:33:21.040
any kind of coaching or any kind of program that's designed to help singles before, I

1376
01:33:21.040 --> 01:33:25.960
promise you, it's very different than any of those things just in its results. Okay.

1377
01:33:25.960 --> 01:33:31.000
And so I didn't make it supernatural. It just is. And that is the first part of what

1378
01:33:31.000 --> 01:33:34.240
you do. So a lot of the work you've been doing here, you're going to just kind of jump right

1379
01:33:34.240 --> 01:33:40.360
over and start doing that, then you're going to go into phase two, which is the full dating

1380
01:33:40.360 --> 01:33:45.640
part of our program where from there on out, the last two phases, you're fully dating. We

1381
01:33:45.640 --> 01:33:50.400
have a seven day challenge. You're going to all while you're dating, be dealing with

1382
01:33:50.400 --> 01:33:54.680
your attachment styles, like the woman who just asked, Hey, how do I keep from falling

1383
01:33:54.680 --> 01:33:59.040
in love with the wrong person or getting my heart involved too soon attachment styles,

1384
01:33:59.040 --> 01:34:03.600
divine masculine, divine feminine. And in the new era of L Y S, which is coming out with

1385
01:34:03.600 --> 01:34:08.200
our new app, all of this is going to be condensed into 90 days. So it's all going to be a 12

1386
01:34:08.200 --> 01:34:12.400
week program. The first three to four weeks or more of the inner and the next couple weeks

1387
01:34:12.400 --> 01:34:17.920
or more of the outer and then the the last part of it is just all dating and all of it

1388
01:34:17.920 --> 01:34:22.760
all along besides the first three weeks is going to be all just really helping you to

1389
01:34:22.760 --> 01:34:28.400
find the dates to be on the dates to do them well and to make them match. And so I have

1390
01:34:28.400 --> 01:34:33.560
a streamline the entire process into what I know works for the 2000 ish people that we've

1391
01:34:33.560 --> 01:34:40.360
helped. And I'm putting that all into the new era of L Y S. And so if those of you in

1392
01:34:40.360 --> 01:34:44.840
here in the book club go into L Y S, a lot of you already in there, but those of you

1393
01:34:44.840 --> 01:34:48.160
that go into L Y S, you're going to go right into heart work and you're going to be in

1394
01:34:48.160 --> 01:34:53.680
there for a few weeks. And then you'll be right back into this framework where you'll

1395
01:34:53.680 --> 01:34:58.640
be using these tools, but the more tools alongside dating coaches. And then of course,

1396
01:34:58.640 --> 01:35:00.040
we have a lot of community based maps.

1397
01:35:02.920 --> 01:35:05.200
There's some exclusive apps out there

1398
01:35:05.200 --> 01:35:07.040
that you have to qualify for

1399
01:35:07.040 --> 01:35:09.040
and actually have to be invited to.

1400
01:35:09.040 --> 01:35:11.280
One of them is called Raya, R-A-Y-A,

1401
01:35:11.280 --> 01:35:13.760
and it's for like celebrity level, rich people,

1402
01:35:13.760 --> 01:35:15.560
famous people.

1403
01:35:15.560 --> 01:35:18.160
That's what I see L-Y-S as,

1404
01:35:18.160 --> 01:35:21.360
because the community based matchmaking opportunities

1405
01:35:21.360 --> 01:35:24.040
that happen there, they happen in an ecosystem

1406
01:35:24.040 --> 01:35:28.440
of an extra level of safety,

1407
01:35:28.440 --> 01:35:30.680
unlike public dating apps,

1408
01:35:30.680 --> 01:35:32.320
because the people that are there

1409
01:35:32.320 --> 01:35:36.600
are there by invitation or they're there by registration.

1410
01:35:36.600 --> 01:35:39.600
So it's not a situation where anybody can just get on

1411
01:35:39.600 --> 01:35:40.840
and be part of it.

1412
01:35:40.840 --> 01:35:42.480
They have to be part of our community,

1413
01:35:42.480 --> 01:35:45.360
and we vet our community out well, and guess what?

1414
01:35:45.360 --> 01:35:47.560
If someone complains about you in the community,

1415
01:35:47.560 --> 01:35:50.640
then we have a conversation about that with you,

1416
01:35:50.640 --> 01:35:52.840
and if more than one person complains about you

1417
01:35:52.840 --> 01:35:55.000
in the community, then we ask you to leave the community.

1418
01:35:55.000 --> 01:35:56.640
And so you're no longer part of that.

1419
01:35:56.640 --> 01:35:59.120
So there isn't any situation where there's people

1420
01:35:59.120 --> 01:36:01.320
in our platform, on our platform that are here

1421
01:36:01.320 --> 01:36:04.240
for the wrong reasons, doing the wrong things,

1422
01:36:04.240 --> 01:36:05.360
those people are removed.

1423
01:36:05.360 --> 01:36:07.880
And I'm happy to say that in the six years

1424
01:36:07.880 --> 01:36:10.760
that we have been doing the movement,

1425
01:36:10.760 --> 01:36:14.120
we have, we've probably had to remove less than 20 people.

1426
01:36:14.120 --> 01:36:16.920
So most people that come here really truly

1427
01:36:16.920 --> 01:36:18.480
are focused and marriage minded.

1428
01:36:18.480 --> 01:36:25.880
Yeah, if you've been in the program before

1429
01:36:25.880 --> 01:36:28.400
and you left for whatever reason, you had issues,

1430
01:36:28.400 --> 01:36:30.800
your finances, this, that, doesn't matter what it is,

1431
01:36:30.800 --> 01:36:32.440
you can come back and kind of pick up

1432
01:36:32.440 --> 01:36:33.920
right where you left off.

1433
01:36:33.920 --> 01:36:35.680
So you don't have to go back through the program.

1434
01:36:35.680 --> 01:36:39.880
And you can pick up at that $37 rollover price, regardless.

1435
01:36:39.880 --> 01:36:42.280
You can just let us know, email us, just say,

1436
01:36:42.280 --> 01:36:44.200
hey, I was in the program, I was in phase two,

1437
01:36:44.200 --> 01:36:46.400
pop you right back in there, okay?

1438
01:36:46.400 --> 01:36:49.360
Pop you right back in there.

1439
01:36:49.360 --> 01:36:54.200
And don't forget, we have the app in testing phase.

1440
01:36:54.200 --> 01:36:57.880
It literally is going to be anytime now.

1441
01:36:57.880 --> 01:36:59.440
And I'm very excited about that.

1442
01:36:59.440 --> 01:37:06.480
Okay, so the peanut gallery over here,

1443
01:37:06.480 --> 01:37:08.200
which is also David Dorman, my husband,

1444
01:37:08.200 --> 01:37:10.360
is saying, take the rollover offer,

1445
01:37:10.360 --> 01:37:12.560
just go ahead and go into the resource and do it.

1446
01:37:12.560 --> 01:37:14.000
So Carolyn, this would apply to you.

1447
01:37:14.000 --> 01:37:17.240
And then email us and say, hey,

1448
01:37:17.240 --> 01:37:22.240
I rejoined last year single, but I'm a former alumni

1449
01:37:22.400 --> 01:37:26.080
and I'd like to be put back in my phase, all right?

1450
01:37:26.080 --> 01:37:29.200
All right, all right, all right.

1451
01:37:29.200 --> 01:37:32.360
Well, friends, it has been a really amazing,

1452
01:37:32.360 --> 01:37:33.720
joyful time with you.

1453
01:37:33.720 --> 01:37:34.680
I want to pray over all of you.

1454
01:37:34.680 --> 01:37:36.600
Father, goddess, thank you for your sons and daughters.

1455
01:37:36.600 --> 01:37:40.520
And I know that this is a season of love for them.

1456
01:37:40.520 --> 01:37:42.720
As they're growing and their heart is enlarging

1457
01:37:42.720 --> 01:37:45.120
to be able to receive the love that you have for them.

1458
01:37:45.120 --> 01:37:47.160
And then as a byproduct of that love,

1459
01:37:47.160 --> 01:37:48.800
the relationships that you have for them,

1460
01:37:48.800 --> 01:37:49.960
the community you have for them,

1461
01:37:49.960 --> 01:37:51.640
the friendships that you have for them,

1462
01:37:51.640 --> 01:37:54.920
and the partner, the kingdom spouse that you have for them.

1463
01:37:54.920 --> 01:37:56.280
And so Lord, I pray that you would highlight

1464
01:37:56.280 --> 01:37:57.680
each and every one of them,

1465
01:37:57.680 --> 01:37:59.800
that heaven would put a spotlight on them

1466
01:37:59.800 --> 01:38:02.840
and their future husband or wife would cross their path.

1467
01:38:02.840 --> 01:38:05.320
I pray God over the six degrees of separation

1468
01:38:05.320 --> 01:38:07.560
and each and every person that's here,

1469
01:38:07.560 --> 01:38:09.600
that looks different for each and every one of them God.

1470
01:38:09.600 --> 01:38:12.320
But the people that they're connected to Lord,

1471
01:38:12.320 --> 01:38:14.600
that's treasure, that's priceless Lord.

1472
01:38:14.600 --> 01:38:17.200
And I pray that those connections would begin to grow,

1473
01:38:17.200 --> 01:38:19.120
that they would begin to have more and more people

1474
01:38:19.120 --> 01:38:20.000
that they're connected to.

1475
01:38:20.000 --> 01:38:24.040
And as their little sphere of influence expands,

1476
01:38:24.040 --> 01:38:27.800
that they see that the person that you have for them

1477
01:38:27.800 --> 01:38:30.920
has been in that ecosystem all along.

1478
01:38:30.920 --> 01:38:33.560
I pray that they would be able to see each other,

1479
01:38:33.560 --> 01:38:35.240
recognize each other,

1480
01:38:35.240 --> 01:38:36.880
and as they fall in love,

1481
01:38:36.880 --> 01:38:41.880
they would be able to strategize compatibility

1482
01:38:41.880 --> 01:38:44.320
towards kingdom endeavors Lord,

1483
01:38:44.320 --> 01:38:46.440
because you're not just putting them together for each other,

1484
01:38:46.440 --> 01:38:49.080
but you're putting them together for the assignment

1485
01:38:49.080 --> 01:38:51.800
that you have for lineage and legacy over their lives.

1486
01:38:51.800 --> 01:38:53.120
And so Lord, we thank you God,

1487
01:38:53.120 --> 01:38:55.400
that they see the bigger picture

1488
01:38:55.400 --> 01:38:56.800
when they meet these people

1489
01:38:56.800 --> 01:38:58.880
and that they're able to, just like David and I,

1490
01:38:58.880 --> 01:39:02.240
they're able to see just how your hand was at play

1491
01:39:02.240 --> 01:39:03.760
the entire time.

1492
01:39:03.760 --> 01:39:06.480
And so Lord, we thank you for all of these things

1493
01:39:06.480 --> 01:39:07.880
in Jesus name, Amen.

1494
01:39:07.880 --> 01:39:11.640
All right, y'all, thank you for coming.

1495
01:39:11.640 --> 01:39:14.360
Don't forget you have access to the replays for 60 days.

1496
01:39:14.360 --> 01:39:17.440
The rule of law for is good until October 1st.

1497
01:39:17.440 --> 01:39:18.920
And so if you're going to do it,

1498
01:39:18.920 --> 01:39:20.840
make sure that you do it before then,

1499
01:39:20.840 --> 01:39:21.840
and I'll see you soon.