WEBVTT

1
00:00:04.300 --> 00:00:07.200
of you and your family look just like your mom.

2
00:00:07.200 --> 00:00:08.300
Oh my goodness.

3
00:00:08.300 --> 00:00:12.320
- She love to hear that because a lot of people,

4
00:00:12.320 --> 00:00:13.800
I'm with my dad a lot in public.

5
00:00:13.800 --> 00:00:15.280
They're like, "Oh, you look alike."

6
00:00:15.280 --> 00:00:17.520
No, I'm just like my mom.

7
00:00:17.520 --> 00:00:18.720
- Yeah, you look just like your mom.

8
00:00:18.720 --> 00:00:19.920
I have to say you're a dad, ain't you?

9
00:00:19.920 --> 00:00:21.680
But you look just like your mom.

10
00:00:21.680 --> 00:00:22.520
Like just like--

11
00:00:22.520 --> 00:00:24.200
- I finally got one that was hers.

12
00:00:24.200 --> 00:00:26.280
My siblings look like my dad.

13
00:00:26.280 --> 00:00:27.680
- Ah, well good.

14
00:00:27.680 --> 00:00:29.400
That's why she's like, "Give her back."

15
00:00:29.400 --> 00:00:30.360
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

16
00:00:30.360 --> 00:00:32.560
Don't you be saying she looks like him?

17
00:00:32.560 --> 00:00:34.200
- I know.

18
00:00:34.200 --> 00:00:36.080
Oh, Crystal, it's so good to see you.

19
00:00:36.080 --> 00:00:37.540
It's been a while, right?

20
00:00:37.540 --> 00:00:40.960
- It sure has.

21
00:00:40.960 --> 00:00:43.880
I kind of, you know,

22
00:00:43.880 --> 00:00:47.160
I think the whole getting on the dating apps

23
00:00:47.160 --> 00:00:49.600
just made me freeze.

24
00:00:49.600 --> 00:00:52.840
So I would, you know, how would I say it kind of side listen

25
00:00:52.840 --> 00:00:57.240
plus to me, you're like the comedian of dating.

26
00:00:57.240 --> 00:00:59.720
Sometimes I'd just get on here to listen to you

27
00:00:59.720 --> 00:01:01.440
'cause you'd make me laugh.

28
00:01:01.440 --> 00:01:02.280
(laughs)

29
00:01:02.280 --> 00:01:03.400
- Oh, wow.

30
00:01:03.400 --> 00:01:04.360
- Yeah, you are.

31
00:01:04.360 --> 00:01:06.760
You are, Ebony, you've got such,

32
00:01:06.760 --> 00:01:08.640
you could do a comedy routine, I'm telling you.

33
00:01:08.640 --> 00:01:10.960
- Oh, oh wow, well, thank you.

34
00:01:10.960 --> 00:01:12.880
- If you haven't tried it,

35
00:01:12.880 --> 00:01:15.360
you gotta try it 'cause you are very funny.

36
00:01:15.360 --> 00:01:16.680
You are, girl.

37
00:01:16.680 --> 00:01:21.600
But I do, I have gotten on the apps,

38
00:01:21.600 --> 00:01:24.600
back on the dating apps and so here we go.

39
00:01:24.600 --> 00:01:27.160
- Well, here we go.

40
00:01:27.160 --> 00:01:28.000
- Here we go.

41
00:01:28.000 --> 00:01:28.840
- We love you too Laura.

42
00:01:28.840 --> 00:01:29.680
Here we go.

43
00:01:29.680 --> 00:01:30.520
We excited for you.

44
00:01:30.520 --> 00:01:32.040
Chris, I thought maybe you have went to phase three,

45
00:01:32.040 --> 00:01:34.760
but it's so good to see you, posting.

46
00:01:34.760 --> 00:01:38.800
- Girl, I was enjoying too much of your humor.

47
00:01:38.800 --> 00:01:41.040
Every time I'd get in, I would close the night off

48
00:01:41.040 --> 00:01:43.920
and I'd be like, that was so good and that was so funny.

49
00:01:43.920 --> 00:01:48.000
And we need to laugh 'cause dating is so cool.

50
00:01:48.000 --> 00:01:49.200
- We do need to laugh.

51
00:01:49.200 --> 00:01:50.840
- Yep.

52
00:01:50.840 --> 00:01:54.080
- Well, okay, ladies, I'm gonna get us rolling here.

53
00:01:55.240 --> 00:01:57.680
I'm really excited about us,

54
00:01:57.680 --> 00:01:59.960
what we're gonna discuss on tonight.

55
00:01:59.960 --> 00:02:01.000
I'll just go ahead and tell you.

56
00:02:01.000 --> 00:02:04.440
It's about wisdom, one of my favorite things.

57
00:02:04.440 --> 00:02:10.639
So anyway, I'm gonna go ahead and I'm gonna pray for us.

58
00:02:10.639 --> 00:02:14.400
Father God, I thank you for each one of us.

59
00:02:14.400 --> 00:02:15.800
I thank you for these ladies.

60
00:02:15.800 --> 00:02:17.240
I thank you for their journey.

61
00:02:17.240 --> 00:02:20.960
I thank you that they've decided to trust you one more time,

62
00:02:20.960 --> 00:02:23.880
even after setbacks and let down and shadows

63
00:02:23.880 --> 00:02:26.600
and things not beating up the way they thought they would meet up.

64
00:02:26.600 --> 00:02:29.000
They decided to trust you one more time.

65
00:02:29.000 --> 00:02:32.280
I think dating is the journey of the one more time, Lord God.

66
00:02:32.280 --> 00:02:33.920
If it had a name, put on it.

67
00:02:33.920 --> 00:02:36.280
It's the kind of faith that you do one more time

68
00:02:36.280 --> 00:02:38.400
and one more time and one more time.

69
00:02:38.400 --> 00:02:39.640
And so I thank you, Father God,

70
00:02:39.640 --> 00:02:40.960
that through their one more time,

71
00:02:40.960 --> 00:02:44.280
their yes to you yet again, you are training them to reign.

72
00:02:44.280 --> 00:02:46.120
They're not just reigning in their own life.

73
00:02:46.120 --> 00:02:48.880
They're gonna reign in everything that they put their hands to

74
00:02:48.880 --> 00:02:52.160
because walking with you, O God, partnering with you,

75
00:02:52.160 --> 00:02:55.280
knowing your ways, discovering life with you.

76
00:02:55.280 --> 00:02:57.840
Oh God, it cannot be replaced.

77
00:02:57.840 --> 00:03:00.280
And so God, thank you for this journey that they're on.

78
00:03:00.280 --> 00:03:02.640
I thank you, Lord God, that they need a husband.

79
00:03:02.640 --> 00:03:04.560
I thank you, Lord God, that you're gonna be the one

80
00:03:04.560 --> 00:03:06.280
that brings their love story to pass.

81
00:03:06.280 --> 00:03:08.360
I thank you that they couldn't do it on their own.

82
00:03:08.360 --> 00:03:10.320
I thank you that they can't find another way.

83
00:03:10.320 --> 00:03:13.000
I thank you that they feel like this is their only way.

84
00:03:13.000 --> 00:03:16.160
I thank you, Lord God, because when you become our only way,

85
00:03:16.160 --> 00:03:18.040
we have the way to always,

86
00:03:18.040 --> 00:03:20.600
for you are the source to all resources.

87
00:03:20.600 --> 00:03:22.600
And so we thank you tonight, Father God.

88
00:03:22.600 --> 00:03:24.280
We thank you for our positioning.

89
00:03:24.280 --> 00:03:27.160
I pray now that there be a transitioning of their hearts

90
00:03:27.160 --> 00:03:29.240
so they may posture in a place to know

91
00:03:29.240 --> 00:03:32.800
that they partner with the one who knows all who sees all,

92
00:03:32.800 --> 00:03:35.200
who makes all things beautiful in its time.

93
00:03:35.200 --> 00:03:38.280
And so, Father God, it's not about if it's gonna happen.

94
00:03:38.280 --> 00:03:40.320
It's only a matter of when it's gonna happen.

95
00:03:40.320 --> 00:03:43.000
When we weren't with you, it was about if it was gonna happen.

96
00:03:43.000 --> 00:03:44.840
But now that we partner with you,

97
00:03:44.840 --> 00:03:47.920
it's about when, not if, but when.

98
00:03:47.920 --> 00:03:50.880
So I thank you that you are the God of Abraham.

99
00:03:50.880 --> 00:03:53.480
You are the God of Isaac and you are the God of Jacob.

100
00:03:53.480 --> 00:03:54.640
What does that tell me?

101
00:03:54.640 --> 00:03:58.320
That you are the Lord God Almighty and you change now.

102
00:03:58.320 --> 00:04:00.760
It's not what you did, it's who you are.

103
00:04:00.760 --> 00:04:04.000
When I see the testimonies of you, I see who you are.

104
00:04:04.000 --> 00:04:05.600
I don't see what you did.

105
00:04:05.600 --> 00:04:07.080
And since that's who you are,

106
00:04:07.080 --> 00:04:08.520
since you are the one that said,

107
00:04:08.520 --> 00:04:11.360
get up from your kindred and go to a place that I will show you.

108
00:04:11.360 --> 00:04:12.800
Since you are the one that says,

109
00:04:12.800 --> 00:04:15.760
when that body was dead, you will produce a child.

110
00:04:15.760 --> 00:04:18.360
Since you are the one that says, I will give you more

111
00:04:18.360 --> 00:04:20.279
of descendants in the stars of the sky.

112
00:04:20.279 --> 00:04:24.480
Since you are that God, then you are still that God right now.

113
00:04:24.480 --> 00:04:27.080
You are the same God that had a cry down to the temple

114
00:04:27.080 --> 00:04:28.320
when she wanted a child.

115
00:04:28.320 --> 00:04:32.920
You are the same God that put a baby in Mary

116
00:04:32.920 --> 00:04:37.080
by the Holy Spirit and birth the King of Kings into the earth.

117
00:04:37.080 --> 00:04:38.720
You are that God.

118
00:04:38.720 --> 00:04:40.800
You've always been a miracle working God.

119
00:04:40.800 --> 00:04:42.800
You're the God that told the children of Israel

120
00:04:42.800 --> 00:04:46.000
to watch around the walls of Jericho and watch them fall.

121
00:04:46.000 --> 00:04:48.520
You are the God that told them to go into the lands

122
00:04:48.520 --> 00:04:50.080
when they thought they looked like grass

123
00:04:50.080 --> 00:04:51.360
hoppers in their own face.

124
00:04:51.360 --> 00:04:53.560
They went into the land and they took out giants

125
00:04:53.560 --> 00:04:55.360
because you fought the battle for them.

126
00:04:55.360 --> 00:04:58.160
You are the God who leads in victory through worship

127
00:04:58.160 --> 00:04:59.000
and praise.

128
00:05:02.100 --> 00:05:03.480
and confound the wise.

129
00:05:03.480 --> 00:05:05.440
And so I thank you now, God,

130
00:05:05.440 --> 00:05:08.800
that you're taking the foolish things to confound even us,

131
00:05:08.800 --> 00:05:11.480
that we may see that you are the God

132
00:05:11.480 --> 00:05:13.120
of the greatest love stories.

133
00:05:13.120 --> 00:05:16.160
In Jesus' name, amen.

134
00:05:16.160 --> 00:05:19.800
Amen, amen, amen.

135
00:05:19.800 --> 00:05:24.360
I am absolutely convinced that God is faithful

136
00:05:24.360 --> 00:05:26.920
and that he's a covenant-keeping God.

137
00:05:26.920 --> 00:05:29.960
We don't get what we get because God favored us

138
00:05:29.960 --> 00:05:33.160
we get what we get and we have what we got

139
00:05:33.160 --> 00:05:36.400
because we are in covenant with the one who says

140
00:05:36.400 --> 00:05:39.800
that all the blessings of God are yes and amen.

141
00:05:39.800 --> 00:05:42.000
We say amen in Christ Jesus.

142
00:05:42.000 --> 00:05:44.920
All of these blessings, all of these things are yes.

143
00:05:44.920 --> 00:05:46.360
All of the promises of God.

144
00:05:46.360 --> 00:05:47.200
That's what it is.

145
00:05:47.200 --> 00:05:50.040
All of the promises of God are yes in Christ Jesus

146
00:05:50.040 --> 00:05:51.560
and we say amen.

147
00:05:51.560 --> 00:05:54.200
The Bible says that God would do exceedingly abundantly

148
00:05:54.200 --> 00:05:56.960
above all that we could ask, think, or imagine

149
00:05:56.960 --> 00:05:59.680
because he is a covenant-keeping God.

150
00:05:59.680 --> 00:06:02.200
Because he's a covenant-keeping God.

151
00:06:02.200 --> 00:06:04.120
And see, when you find out that this thing

152
00:06:04.120 --> 00:06:07.160
is not based on who you are and what you do,

153
00:06:07.160 --> 00:06:09.920
that the Lamb of God was slain in the blood of Jesus

154
00:06:09.920 --> 00:06:11.000
is what covers you.

155
00:06:11.000 --> 00:06:13.080
Is he who knew no sin that became sin,

156
00:06:13.080 --> 00:06:15.520
that we may be the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus.

157
00:06:15.520 --> 00:06:17.240
And when we accept Christ Jesus,

158
00:06:17.240 --> 00:06:19.920
we come into covenant with a covenant-keeping God.

159
00:06:19.920 --> 00:06:22.880
And that's why we get what we get and we have what we have

160
00:06:22.880 --> 00:06:24.600
because he is faithful to the end.

161
00:06:24.600 --> 00:06:26.360
And if he said he will do it.

162
00:06:26.360 --> 00:06:28.680
The Bible says, "The grass within the flower faded,

163
00:06:28.680 --> 00:06:30.360
"but the Word of God didn't do it forever,

164
00:06:30.360 --> 00:06:32.760
"that he honest his Word above his own name."

165
00:06:32.760 --> 00:06:35.520
So if he said he's gonna do exceedingly abundantly above

166
00:06:35.520 --> 00:06:37.360
all that you could ask, think, or imagine,

167
00:06:37.360 --> 00:06:42.360
you can count it done because he is a covenant-keeping God.

168
00:06:42.360 --> 00:06:45.840
He is a God that keeps his Word.

169
00:06:45.840 --> 00:06:48.480
That's just who he is.

170
00:06:48.480 --> 00:06:52.760
And so, God, we're excited tonight to be in partnership

171
00:06:52.760 --> 00:06:54.880
with a God who keeps his Word.

172
00:06:54.880 --> 00:06:57.040
He's a covenant-keeping God

173
00:06:57.040 --> 00:07:00.240
that he honest his Word above his own name.

174
00:07:00.240 --> 00:07:01.640
Oh God, it's faithful.

175
00:07:01.640 --> 00:07:06.580
So, I hope you ladies feel like getting married now, huh?

176
00:07:06.580 --> 00:07:08.660
(laughs)

177
00:07:08.660 --> 00:07:13.200
Oh yes, praise you Jesus.

178
00:07:13.200 --> 00:07:16.840
And so, tonight we're excited.

179
00:07:16.840 --> 00:07:19.880
I'm excited, I'm ever excited.

180
00:07:19.880 --> 00:07:21.880
You know, they say when I think of the goodness

181
00:07:21.880 --> 00:07:24.600
of the Lord and all that is done for me.

182
00:07:24.600 --> 00:07:27.600
But when I think on God and who he is,

183
00:07:27.600 --> 00:07:31.480
I get excited 'cause if all of a sudden it's not,

184
00:07:31.480 --> 00:07:33.700
I hope he doesn't, he may do it.

185
00:07:33.700 --> 00:07:37.360
I'm the Lord, that God, I change not.

186
00:07:37.360 --> 00:07:39.480
I change not.

187
00:07:39.480 --> 00:07:40.800
I change not.

188
00:07:40.800 --> 00:07:44.140
Okay, all right, so tonight, tonight, tonight.

189
00:07:44.140 --> 00:07:47.080
That's right, receive it.

190
00:07:47.080 --> 00:07:48.280
It's all there for you.

191
00:07:48.280 --> 00:07:51.280
Yes, right, you receive it, receive it, receive it.

192
00:07:51.280 --> 00:07:52.680
God is good.

193
00:07:52.680 --> 00:07:56.040
We're gonna be talking about wisdom and I got my notes.

194
00:07:56.040 --> 00:08:01.040
And so wisdom overrules and that wisdom are boundaries

195
00:08:01.040 --> 00:08:02.840
in action.

196
00:08:02.840 --> 00:08:07.840
And so, one thing we like to do is congratulate you ladies.

197
00:08:07.840 --> 00:08:10.760
I am telling you, you must do this.

198
00:08:10.760 --> 00:08:13.360
For the way that you've been navigating situations,

199
00:08:13.360 --> 00:08:15.120
the way you've been navigating rejection,

200
00:08:15.120 --> 00:08:16.240
the way you've seen things.

201
00:08:16.240 --> 00:08:17.600
You think they're gonna go one way,

202
00:08:17.600 --> 00:08:18.920
then they go another way.

203
00:08:18.920 --> 00:08:21.120
I don't know what is about the two week mark

204
00:08:21.120 --> 00:08:22.360
when you get them to know somebody,

205
00:08:22.360 --> 00:08:24.800
but if it's gonna fall apart, it falls apart to two weeks.

206
00:08:24.800 --> 00:08:25.960
And then the next mark is,

207
00:08:25.960 --> 00:08:29.240
if it's gonna fall apart, it falls apart like two months.

208
00:08:29.240 --> 00:08:31.600
And it's like all these places.

209
00:08:31.600 --> 00:08:33.760
And you like, when you keep doing it over and over,

210
00:08:33.760 --> 00:08:34.720
you're just like, oh goodness,

211
00:08:34.720 --> 00:08:36.919
I just wanna make it past two weeks.

212
00:08:36.919 --> 00:08:39.840
Or oh goodness, I just wanna make it past this mark.

213
00:08:39.840 --> 00:08:42.400
But you know, you ladies are resilient.

214
00:08:42.400 --> 00:08:45.880
And you get back up and you keep moving

215
00:08:45.880 --> 00:08:49.400
and you choose to believe that there is greater,

216
00:08:49.400 --> 00:08:51.200
that there's something that awaits you,

217
00:08:51.200 --> 00:08:53.000
then bigger than what you're experiencing.

218
00:08:53.000 --> 00:08:53.840
That's the thing.

219
00:08:53.840 --> 00:08:56.320
You choose to believe that something that awaits you

220
00:08:56.320 --> 00:08:58.520
is bigger than what you're experiencing.

221
00:08:58.520 --> 00:09:01.440
And so love to get past two days.

222
00:09:01.440 --> 00:09:03.520
Come on, what's with the number two, Lord?

223
00:09:03.520 --> 00:09:05.360
Send our own to three.

224
00:09:05.360 --> 00:09:06.960
We need to get to three.

225
00:09:06.960 --> 00:09:08.840
Look, we believe in a guy that,

226
00:09:08.840 --> 00:09:09.680
what did I say?

227
00:09:09.680 --> 00:09:11.520
We grow from glory to glory and faith to faith.

228
00:09:11.520 --> 00:09:14.280
Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on up, Lord.

229
00:09:14.280 --> 00:09:16.600
She wanna do more than two days.

230
00:09:16.600 --> 00:09:19.520
And so we want her to do more than two days.

231
00:09:19.520 --> 00:09:23.040
And so we wanna talk about wisdom, wisdom, wisdom,

232
00:09:23.040 --> 00:09:26.720
wisdom and dating, you know.

233
00:09:26.720 --> 00:09:31.520
Oftentimes, well, let me put on my notes.

234
00:09:31.520 --> 00:09:33.320
I'm about to go too fast, okay.

235
00:09:33.320 --> 00:09:36.640
So now that I celebrate it, you ladies,

236
00:09:36.640 --> 00:09:39.600
I want you to think about, I say this often.

237
00:09:39.600 --> 00:09:42.560
The person I am today, I've been saying this

238
00:09:42.560 --> 00:09:44.800
for a few years now, it is still true.

239
00:09:44.800 --> 00:09:48.280
The woman I am today, I probably wouldn't have chosen

240
00:09:48.280 --> 00:09:52.560
this same man two months ago, it is true.

241
00:09:52.560 --> 00:09:57.560
And so this is an accelerated growing program.

242
00:09:57.560 --> 00:09:59.880
You grow really quickly.

243
00:10:05.040 --> 00:10:10.880
And so because there's this acceleration on the program, it's only acceleration

244
00:10:10.880 --> 00:10:14.000
in the other parts. You learn hard things really quickly,

245
00:10:14.000 --> 00:10:17.440
and you bounce back quickly. You bounce back really quickly.

246
00:10:17.440 --> 00:10:23.040
So I want you to think of some things, and you can post it in the chat.

247
00:10:23.040 --> 00:10:29.120
What is something that, let's see how we wrote this question,

248
00:10:29.120 --> 00:10:32.800
what is something you notice yourself responding to differently

249
00:10:32.800 --> 00:10:38.400
today than you would have a month ago, two weeks ago, six months ago, or a year ago.

250
00:10:38.400 --> 00:10:40.880
So if you can do a year ago, you can do a month ago.

251
00:10:40.880 --> 00:10:46.240
What is something that you notice that today you respond to differently

252
00:10:46.240 --> 00:10:51.840
than you did in the past?

253
00:10:57.600 --> 00:11:01.280
Okay, breakups, okay.

254
00:11:01.280 --> 00:11:05.600
I received godly wisdom without offense, that is good.

255
00:11:05.600 --> 00:11:08.960
My family co-dependent tendencies, that is really good.

256
00:11:08.960 --> 00:11:13.520
My emotions, come on, rejection, I feel the situations,

257
00:11:13.520 --> 00:11:17.840
feeling rejected and now I pause and say, is that true?

258
00:11:17.840 --> 00:11:21.600
Or what is true in this situation? That's really good.

259
00:11:21.600 --> 00:11:24.960
Not accepting excuses, come on.

260
00:11:24.960 --> 00:11:29.600
The word spirit mate, I can actually say it now, wow.

261
00:11:29.600 --> 00:11:32.880
The ending or someone not communicating when they said they would,

262
00:11:32.880 --> 00:11:36.320
it's not a rejected feeling. That's really good.

263
00:11:36.320 --> 00:11:40.080
I'm better able to laugh at myself and not take offense when others make

264
00:11:40.080 --> 00:11:44.080
me the target of their jokes. That's good.

265
00:11:44.080 --> 00:11:46.480
I have to shoot the dark back at them, Linda.

266
00:11:46.480 --> 00:11:54.000
For them to look like, oh, we're willing to try even if I'm rejected.

267
00:11:54.000 --> 00:11:57.200
Not be afraid to say what I want. These are all good.

268
00:11:57.200 --> 00:12:01.680
These are all really good. Come on ladies, you're talking about some growth here.

269
00:12:01.680 --> 00:12:08.640
This is what it's about. This is what it's all about.

270
00:12:08.640 --> 00:12:12.320
Circumstances can change, but the infrastructure that is built on the

271
00:12:12.320 --> 00:12:16.560
inside of you will determine what more you can house.

272
00:12:16.560 --> 00:12:20.640
It will determine how much more capacity you carry

273
00:12:20.640 --> 00:12:24.160
for the exceedingly abundant above all that you could

274
00:12:24.160 --> 00:12:28.000
extink or imagine. These lessons that we're learning

275
00:12:28.000 --> 00:12:31.600
from this process that we're in or any processes, whether you're in your

276
00:12:31.600 --> 00:12:34.880
job or with your family, they all kind of move all over,

277
00:12:34.880 --> 00:12:41.120
kind of will swim in the same pond. They build a really solid infrastructure.

278
00:12:41.120 --> 00:12:47.200
You want a good infrastructure. Speak up when I disagree with the man

279
00:12:47.200 --> 00:12:51.440
instead of bowing my opinions for fear of losing him.

280
00:12:51.440 --> 00:12:57.040
So good. That is really good. Yeah, I think these are all lessons to be learned.

281
00:12:57.040 --> 00:13:03.680
I can say I am in with all of you all on this.

282
00:13:03.680 --> 00:13:09.520
The prompt was, Beth, where have you noticed your self-responding

283
00:13:09.520 --> 00:13:13.760
differently than you would have six months ago or a year ago or it could be a

284
00:13:13.760 --> 00:13:16.640
week ago? What have you noticed your self-responding

285
00:13:16.640 --> 00:13:22.480
differently that you can see growth in your life?

286
00:13:22.480 --> 00:13:26.880
So while she asked that, I want to tie this back into some

287
00:13:26.880 --> 00:13:30.400
what Jackie talked about on Saturday and she said,

288
00:13:30.400 --> 00:13:35.120
basically, we have to release ourselves from

289
00:13:35.120 --> 00:13:43.440
shooting it as a ULD, shooting things in life. And so

290
00:13:43.440 --> 00:13:46.560
there's this idea that in life, especially when you get in a program,

291
00:13:46.560 --> 00:13:50.800
they train you on something, that you have to get everything right.

292
00:13:50.800 --> 00:13:54.000
And then you don't get it right and things fall apart. If you fear rejection

293
00:13:54.000 --> 00:13:57.280
or it didn't go a certain way, the first thing you start saying is, I should have

294
00:13:57.280 --> 00:14:00.560
known better. I should have done it like that.

295
00:14:00.560 --> 00:14:04.800
I shouldn't have said that. And so we'll start beating ourselves up

296
00:14:04.800 --> 00:14:07.440
about what we shouldn't have did, and how we should have did it,

297
00:14:07.440 --> 00:14:10.480
and the should have, and the should have, and the should have, and the should have,

298
00:14:10.480 --> 00:14:14.560
and it's never supposed to be that way.

299
00:14:14.560 --> 00:14:19.120
We're never, the reason why that doesn't work,

300
00:14:19.120 --> 00:14:22.800
because it was never supposed to be that way.

301
00:14:22.800 --> 00:14:27.120
How many of us, like Katherine just put in it, I do say I should have known better.

302
00:14:27.120 --> 00:14:28.960
How many of us say we should have known better?

303
00:14:28.960 --> 00:14:32.880
I don't know. If I had another hand, if I could get my leg, if I put my foot in there,

304
00:14:32.880 --> 00:14:38.960
I should have caught a queen. I should have known better than that, right?

305
00:14:38.960 --> 00:14:43.040
I should have, should have, should have, should have, and this pressure on us to be

306
00:14:43.040 --> 00:14:50.400
perfect, and it's not going to happen. And that's not how God ever intended to happen.

307
00:14:50.400 --> 00:14:56.080
And I know this because there's a scripture in the book of James that any man lack wisdom,

308
00:14:56.080 --> 00:14:59.840
let an axe of the Lord, and he will give it to him liberally.

309
00:15:02.820 --> 00:15:04.880
and he won't look at you and say,

310
00:15:04.880 --> 00:15:08.520
now you should know better, that's the scripture means.

311
00:15:08.520 --> 00:15:11.040
He's not gonna look at you and say that to you,

312
00:15:11.040 --> 00:15:12.480
but he's gonna give you wisdom

313
00:15:12.480 --> 00:15:14.020
and he's gonna give it to you liberally

314
00:15:14.020 --> 00:15:15.240
and without reproach.

315
00:15:15.240 --> 00:15:17.960
So if you lack it, if any man lack it,

316
00:15:17.960 --> 00:15:19.360
let him ask of the Lord,

317
00:15:19.360 --> 00:15:21.440
why would that be an intentional thing

318
00:15:21.440 --> 00:15:24.400
that he says if any man lack wisdom,

319
00:15:24.400 --> 00:15:25.840
let him ask of the Lord?

320
00:15:25.840 --> 00:15:27.240
Because in the book of Proverbs,

321
00:15:27.240 --> 00:15:29.280
we find that the Bible says that wisdom

322
00:15:29.280 --> 00:15:31.640
is the principle thing.

323
00:15:31.640 --> 00:15:34.400
And in all you're getting, getting understanding,

324
00:15:34.400 --> 00:15:36.900
but it says wisdom is the principle thing.

325
00:15:36.900 --> 00:15:40.360
And so how does the Lord intend for us

326
00:15:40.360 --> 00:15:42.540
to navigate life through wisdom?

327
00:15:42.540 --> 00:15:47.320
Sure, we're gonna be led by the Spirit and we are,

328
00:15:47.320 --> 00:15:49.080
but even when you're led by the Spirit,

329
00:15:49.080 --> 00:15:51.000
it should be rooted in wisdom.

330
00:15:51.000 --> 00:15:54.560
Wisdom is the foundation

331
00:15:54.560 --> 00:15:57.240
upon which everything is built.

332
00:15:57.240 --> 00:16:00.020
And so sometimes did I record?

333
00:16:00.020 --> 00:16:02.560
Yes.

334
00:16:02.560 --> 00:16:04.040
Oh, I did.

335
00:16:04.040 --> 00:16:04.880
Yes.

336
00:16:04.880 --> 00:16:07.400
Are y'all sure?

337
00:16:07.400 --> 00:16:11.600
See, I have nothin' her.

338
00:16:11.600 --> 00:16:15.840
Okay. It's on, I see it.

339
00:16:15.840 --> 00:16:19.160
Oh, I see it in random, like this random recording.

340
00:16:19.160 --> 00:16:20.720
So listen to this scripture.

341
00:16:20.720 --> 00:16:22.320
So we say we're led by the Spirit,

342
00:16:22.320 --> 00:16:23.520
wisdom is the principle thing.

343
00:16:23.520 --> 00:16:24.640
This is what the scripture says.

344
00:16:24.640 --> 00:16:26.320
Wisdom is the principle thing.

345
00:16:26.320 --> 00:16:28.360
Now, Proverbs 24 and 3 says,

346
00:16:28.360 --> 00:16:30.240
about wisdom a house is built

347
00:16:30.240 --> 00:16:32.800
and through understanding it is established.

348
00:16:32.800 --> 00:16:36.280
How many of you guys are building a house right now?

349
00:16:36.280 --> 00:16:37.400
That house is you?

350
00:16:37.400 --> 00:16:40.560
You're building a house right now.

351
00:16:40.560 --> 00:16:43.880
If you're building a marriage, you're building something.

352
00:16:43.880 --> 00:16:48.400
It says that wisdom has built her house

353
00:16:48.400 --> 00:16:50.960
and she has carved out her seven pillars.

354
00:16:50.960 --> 00:16:53.600
It says that, what's the other scripture I pulled up?

355
00:16:53.600 --> 00:16:55.920
That she is more precious than rubies.

356
00:16:55.920 --> 00:16:59.160
Nothing you desire can compare with her.

357
00:16:59.160 --> 00:17:02.200
Nothing you desire can compare with wisdom.

358
00:17:02.200 --> 00:17:07.400
It is something, not even the marriage you desire

359
00:17:07.400 --> 00:17:08.839
that can compare with wisdom,

360
00:17:08.839 --> 00:17:10.760
not even the children and the family you desire

361
00:17:10.760 --> 00:17:12.240
can compare with wisdom.

362
00:17:12.240 --> 00:17:15.240
There's nothing you desire that can compare with wisdom.

363
00:17:15.240 --> 00:17:17.839
Okay.

364
00:17:17.839 --> 00:17:20.079
There is another scripture about wisdom

365
00:17:20.079 --> 00:17:21.760
that I really, really like.

366
00:17:22.599 --> 00:17:23.440
Um.

367
00:17:23.440 --> 00:17:30.200
But anyway, I'll find it somewhere in my brain.

368
00:17:30.200 --> 00:17:32.600
It's like I know some parts of about I want to mess it up.

369
00:17:32.600 --> 00:17:35.920
So wisdom, wisdom is the principle thing.

370
00:17:35.920 --> 00:17:39.040
And so what happens is when we come into the program,

371
00:17:39.040 --> 00:17:41.480
we want to lean more toward wisdom

372
00:17:41.480 --> 00:17:43.680
than we do towards rules.

373
00:17:43.680 --> 00:17:47.120
Rules always lead you to perfection.

374
00:17:47.120 --> 00:17:48.960
It wants you to perform.

375
00:17:48.960 --> 00:17:51.200
Rules cause performance.

376
00:17:51.200 --> 00:17:54.400
Wisdom are guard rails that keep you.

377
00:17:54.400 --> 00:17:58.520
So that is the difference between wisdom and rules.

378
00:17:58.520 --> 00:18:00.040
Yeah, just a second.

379
00:18:00.040 --> 00:18:07.240
Wisdom are guard rails, guard rails, high tongue twister.

380
00:18:07.240 --> 00:18:11.840
And rules are causing you to perform.

381
00:18:11.840 --> 00:18:13.000
And that's why you feel like,

382
00:18:13.000 --> 00:18:14.160
just tell me what I need to do.

383
00:18:14.160 --> 00:18:15.000
Just tell me what I need to do.

384
00:18:15.000 --> 00:18:16.640
I'm just gonna do that.

385
00:18:16.640 --> 00:18:17.760
And just give me the rules.

386
00:18:17.760 --> 00:18:18.600
What are the rules?

387
00:18:18.600 --> 00:18:22.360
And you should know what wisdom is, what the guard rails are.

388
00:18:22.360 --> 00:18:24.600
That's why we try to word it for you in the form of,

389
00:18:24.600 --> 00:18:27.160
these are guard rails and these are not rules

390
00:18:27.160 --> 00:18:29.480
because the moment you don't get it right,

391
00:18:29.480 --> 00:18:32.400
you say, ah, I should've known better.

392
00:18:32.400 --> 00:18:34.000
I shouldn't have did that like that.

393
00:18:34.000 --> 00:18:36.480
I need to come up and meet this standard.

394
00:18:36.480 --> 00:18:37.800
And it's just not true.

395
00:18:37.800 --> 00:18:40.240
And it does not produce healthy communication

396
00:18:40.240 --> 00:18:42.440
between your, within yourself.

397
00:18:42.440 --> 00:18:45.640
That it hardly ever produces healthy communication.

398
00:18:45.640 --> 00:18:47.800
When you're trying to abide by rules.

399
00:18:47.800 --> 00:18:49.400
Rules hinder growth.

400
00:18:49.400 --> 00:18:52.360
You won't even explore with the Father

401
00:18:52.360 --> 00:18:54.080
when you operate under rules.

402
00:18:54.080 --> 00:18:59.440
And oftentimes we'll use rules as a way to protect us.

403
00:18:59.440 --> 00:19:02.600
So they operate a lot out of fear.

404
00:19:02.600 --> 00:19:04.920
And so you feel if I get everything just right,

405
00:19:04.920 --> 00:19:07.600
I'm gonna protect myself from being hurt.

406
00:19:07.600 --> 00:19:09.320
If I get everything just right,

407
00:19:09.320 --> 00:19:11.760
I'm gonna protect myself from wasting my time.

408
00:19:11.760 --> 00:19:14.040
I just need to get everything just right.

409
00:19:14.040 --> 00:19:15.760
And it's not true.

410
00:19:15.760 --> 00:19:17.600
This journey was designed

411
00:19:17.600 --> 00:19:19.880
in case you hadn't got the news from heaven.

412
00:19:19.880 --> 00:19:23.560
It was designed for you not to get it just right

413
00:19:23.560 --> 00:19:27.120
so that you can trust the God who knows all.

414
00:19:27.120 --> 00:19:28.880
And so oftentimes on this journey,

415
00:19:28.880 --> 00:19:32.840
we keep seeking certainty and you don't ever get it.

416
00:19:32.840 --> 00:19:35.800
You want it so you can stop going through the process

417
00:19:35.800 --> 00:19:37.680
so that you can stop being afraid

418
00:19:37.680 --> 00:19:39.120
so that you can protect your heart

419
00:19:39.120 --> 00:19:42.400
so that you can keep this fear you're trying to get back.

420
00:19:42.400 --> 00:19:45.680
If you get certainty, you don't have to think anymore.

421
00:19:45.680 --> 00:19:49.080
If the Lord says, he is the one, go.

422
00:19:49.080 --> 00:19:50.880
Trust me, you're gonna stop getting to know him,

423
00:19:50.880 --> 00:19:52.720
you're gonna play in your way and you're gonna take air back.

424
00:19:52.720 --> 00:19:53.640
You're gonna pick out your dress,

425
00:19:53.640 --> 00:19:54.480
you're gonna pick out your hair,

426
00:19:54.480 --> 00:19:55.520
you're gonna do this and this is this.

427
00:19:55.520 --> 00:19:57.240
And two months would have went back

428
00:19:57.240 --> 00:19:59.200
when you could have learned something about the man

429
00:20:07.200 --> 00:20:13.040
certainty we bypass the process and so we keep asking God and we think when I talk to the

430
00:20:13.040 --> 00:20:17.120
is he the one is he the one you see the one and you don't hear number crickets because he already

431
00:20:17.120 --> 00:20:22.720
know when he tell you that that's the one it's over with you through you probably ain't gonna

432
00:20:22.720 --> 00:20:28.560
pray that much no more you probably want to be seen out serious it is something about certainty that

433
00:20:28.560 --> 00:20:37.520
causes us to circumvent processes and this was designed for process because it one of the ways the

434
00:20:37.520 --> 00:20:48.560
Lord begins to drive things out of you it's through process in contrary to what you may think you

435
00:20:48.560 --> 00:20:55.760
are not perfect the way you are you don't even know who the suitor is for you you don't even know

436
00:20:55.760 --> 00:21:00.880
what weaknesses you're gonna have to help build him up in you don't even know the arms of the

437
00:21:00.880 --> 00:21:07.920
Moses is you will have to hold up in life and so the fact that you if you believe that there's

438
00:21:07.920 --> 00:21:14.400
nothing to be done in you it's pride because you don't have vision for the future you only see what's

439
00:21:14.400 --> 00:21:20.160
in front of you and so if you don't know what's five years ten years and you're not allowing for

440
00:21:20.160 --> 00:21:25.440
the Lord to process you how will you have the infrastructure to house the thing that is to come

441
00:21:25.440 --> 00:21:38.880
you're following me and so and so all of these things lead me to wisdom because oftentimes

442
00:21:38.880 --> 00:21:46.160
when I operate in rules I am wanting to circumvent the process I'm wanting to be perfect so I can

443
00:21:46.160 --> 00:21:51.840
shield me and protect me from anything possible that could hurt me do I think you're wrong or

444
00:21:51.840 --> 00:21:59.680
no am I accusing you no I am the same person you know these are things that we do one of the

445
00:21:59.680 --> 00:22:04.880
one of the highest one of the highest orders of us or one of the things that we protect out of

446
00:22:04.880 --> 00:22:10.560
all things is our sales it's innate in us to want to protect and guard our sales but when we walk

447
00:22:10.560 --> 00:22:16.800
a crazy requires a level of vulnerability and the vulnerability starts with him and oftentimes

448
00:22:16.800 --> 00:22:20.720
we find it hard to be vulnerable with other people because we're not vulnerable with him first

449
00:22:20.720 --> 00:22:34.960
so all right let me stay close all right wisdom is received wisdom is formed and wisdom shapes

450
00:22:34.960 --> 00:22:44.000
itself's in our life and actually wisdom grows within us as we journey so once you start tending

451
00:22:44.000 --> 00:22:50.880
to wisdom wisdom begins to tend to you once you take wisdom and apply it you actually attract

452
00:22:50.880 --> 00:22:59.360
more wisdom when you start walking with wisdom you keep growing in wisdom you make one wise decision

453
00:22:59.360 --> 00:23:07.520
you're more apt to make another wise decision when someone tells you hey this is wisdom and you say

454
00:23:07.520 --> 00:23:13.440
and you you can recognize it is wisdom one of the things is best for you to do if you feel like

455
00:23:13.440 --> 00:23:16.960
you lack wisdom is to actually use the wisdom that's been given to you

456
00:23:16.960 --> 00:23:26.240
and I tell people this all the time if your way worked what what are we doing

457
00:23:29.120 --> 00:23:35.600
why are you here so wisdom comes say something to you use like I'm now I do it my way

458
00:23:35.600 --> 00:23:44.960
and so wisdom is the thing that you are actually seeking after you're actually looking for wisdom

459
00:23:44.960 --> 00:23:51.280
to do this journey and to do it well it just oftentimes we want rules to protect our sales

460
00:23:53.200 --> 00:24:01.120
and the Lord knows if you have rules you don't grow you understand it's kind of like religion

461
00:24:01.120 --> 00:24:06.560
rules religion the spirit of religion usually has a lot of rules what you shouldn't do what you

462
00:24:06.560 --> 00:24:10.080
can't do what you want to do don't do don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't

463
00:24:10.080 --> 00:24:14.400
call you know you indeed nothing you've been sitting in church 20 years and you still don't have a

464
00:24:14.400 --> 00:24:27.120
hook it's true right okay so um in this program we call them principles these principles are

465
00:24:27.120 --> 00:24:33.600
established on wisdom and so a lot of times what you're here to say is or someone would say well I

466
00:24:33.600 --> 00:24:37.600
can't do that because in the program they say you can't do that I can't do that because in the

467
00:24:37.600 --> 00:24:45.600
program they say you can't do that and so or so we may say hey some of the boundaries are

468
00:24:45.600 --> 00:24:51.360
physical boundaries we may say they're spiritual boundaries and they're emotional boundaries

469
00:24:51.360 --> 00:24:55.200
well those boundaries are to guard your heart and those boundaries are based on wisdom

470
00:24:55.200 --> 00:24:59.760
and so where can I start with wisdom I can take these things that I

471
00:25:02.700 --> 00:25:04.380
and I can apply them to my life.

472
00:25:04.380 --> 00:25:07.220
Because what happens when you get wisdom

473
00:25:07.220 --> 00:25:08.860
and you reject it?

474
00:25:08.860 --> 00:25:09.900
What is that about?

475
00:25:09.900 --> 00:25:13.700
Like wisdom is coming at you, but you're like.

476
00:25:13.700 --> 00:25:21.180
And so that is the thing about wisdom multiplies itself.

477
00:25:21.180 --> 00:25:26.980
We said boundaries are wisdom in action.

478
00:25:26.980 --> 00:25:30.420
One of the things that grew me the most in life,

479
00:25:30.420 --> 00:25:31.600
well, I can't say the most.

480
00:25:31.600 --> 00:25:33.720
One of the things that had a big hand in growing me

481
00:25:33.720 --> 00:25:35.380
was one, this program.

482
00:25:35.380 --> 00:25:39.400
And I learned wisdom through this program

483
00:25:39.400 --> 00:25:41.680
more than any way I learned wisdom in my life

484
00:25:41.680 --> 00:25:45.920
because I broke every rule.

485
00:25:45.920 --> 00:25:51.080
Every rule, I broke them.

486
00:25:51.080 --> 00:25:53.280
You see, there were rules in my mind

487
00:25:53.280 --> 00:25:55.640
and I broke them all.

488
00:25:55.640 --> 00:25:59.280
I think rules were made to be broken, okay?

489
00:25:59.280 --> 00:26:02.360
But I broke all the rules.

490
00:26:02.360 --> 00:26:04.720
I thought that my way was the best way

491
00:26:04.720 --> 00:26:06.640
until everything broke me.

492
00:26:06.640 --> 00:26:11.320
And when they broke me, I started to listen to wisdom.

493
00:26:11.320 --> 00:26:13.040
And when I started to listen to wisdom,

494
00:26:13.040 --> 00:26:16.280
I started to grow, I started to,

495
00:26:16.280 --> 00:26:18.200
I started to take the healing that I had

496
00:26:18.200 --> 00:26:21.280
and apply it real and it strengthened me.

497
00:26:21.280 --> 00:26:24.520
And it literally turned me into

498
00:26:25.360 --> 00:26:28.360
a powerhouse.

499
00:26:28.360 --> 00:26:30.160
And every day I apply wisdom to my life,

500
00:26:30.160 --> 00:26:31.480
every day I listen to wisdom,

501
00:26:31.480 --> 00:26:32.840
every day I walk with the Lord,

502
00:26:32.840 --> 00:26:35.600
he strengthens me more and more.

503
00:26:35.600 --> 00:26:39.240
Because at some place, the Lord wants to train your eyes

504
00:26:39.240 --> 00:26:40.760
for the suitors.

505
00:26:40.760 --> 00:26:43.520
He wants to train, but this program has come to train

506
00:26:43.520 --> 00:26:47.320
your eyes to be able to select a husband.

507
00:26:47.320 --> 00:26:51.800
But you select a husband based on what's in you,

508
00:26:51.800 --> 00:26:53.200
not what's outside of you.

509
00:26:53.200 --> 00:26:55.240
And don't come in the list you make.

510
00:26:55.240 --> 00:26:58.640
You will pick your husband based on the inner workings

511
00:26:58.640 --> 00:26:59.560
of yourself.

512
00:26:59.560 --> 00:27:05.040
The inner workings of you is what choose a husband

513
00:27:05.040 --> 00:27:07.480
is what Jackie talks about in the hard work.

514
00:27:07.480 --> 00:27:10.800
When she talks about we see through the lenses of our heart.

515
00:27:10.800 --> 00:27:12.240
It's our perception.

516
00:27:12.240 --> 00:27:14.600
So it doesn't matter all your checkboxes in your head.

517
00:27:14.600 --> 00:27:16.720
It doesn't matter all these things you think.

518
00:27:16.720 --> 00:27:18.920
Your heart makes decisions for you.

519
00:27:18.920 --> 00:27:21.440
If your heart is fearful, you will make fearful decisions.

520
00:27:21.440 --> 00:27:24.240
If your heart is scarce, if you operate from scarcity

521
00:27:24.240 --> 00:27:27.720
in your heart, you will choose from a scarcity mindset.

522
00:27:27.720 --> 00:27:30.800
So you feel like, well, I should do this.

523
00:27:30.800 --> 00:27:32.000
I don't want to mess things up.

524
00:27:32.000 --> 00:27:32.840
I don't want this.

525
00:27:32.840 --> 00:27:33.680
I don't want that.

526
00:27:33.680 --> 00:27:34.520
I don't want to mess up.

527
00:27:34.520 --> 00:27:35.360
I don't want to say the wrong thing.

528
00:27:35.360 --> 00:27:36.200
I don't want to.

529
00:27:36.200 --> 00:27:37.040
I don't want to.

530
00:27:37.040 --> 00:27:37.880
I don't want to.

531
00:27:37.880 --> 00:27:40.640
But a free heart shows up in full freedom.

532
00:27:40.640 --> 00:27:47.400
And so our heart makes a lot of decisions.

533
00:27:47.400 --> 00:27:50.800
And so the Lord is training us as he trains our heart

534
00:27:50.800 --> 00:27:53.320
so that you can look at a suitor and say,

535
00:27:53.320 --> 00:27:55.360
like Adam did when he looked at the animals

536
00:27:55.360 --> 00:27:57.040
and he named them appropriately.

537
00:27:57.040 --> 00:28:00.280
Right?

538
00:28:00.280 --> 00:28:02.440
So let's see.

539
00:28:02.440 --> 00:28:05.640
Is this good?

540
00:28:05.640 --> 00:28:08.400
I hope so, yeah.

541
00:28:08.400 --> 00:28:09.920
I'm trying not to double repeat.

542
00:28:09.920 --> 00:28:14.000
So we want to put wisdom over rules.

543
00:28:14.000 --> 00:28:17.640
We want to put wisdom over rules.

544
00:28:18.720 --> 00:28:20.840
And whenever wisdom is coming your way,

545
00:28:20.840 --> 00:28:22.600
you want to receive wisdom.

546
00:28:22.600 --> 00:28:27.200
Don't draw back from wisdom.

547
00:28:27.200 --> 00:28:29.320
Try it for yourself.

548
00:28:29.320 --> 00:28:30.200
Try wisdom.

549
00:28:30.200 --> 00:28:32.320
If it fails, you then walk away.

550
00:28:32.320 --> 00:28:37.000
Now, one of the things that we believe is possible,

551
00:28:37.000 --> 00:28:39.440
or we may think that when we choose wisdom,

552
00:28:39.440 --> 00:28:41.720
it speeds up the process.

553
00:28:41.720 --> 00:28:42.740
Not necessary.

554
00:28:42.740 --> 00:28:45.560
Wisdom is kind of like God.

555
00:28:45.560 --> 00:28:47.360
They like to take the crop top method.

556
00:28:48.360 --> 00:28:51.560
It's like the slow walk you through the process.

557
00:28:51.560 --> 00:28:56.320
So I think one of the greatest temptations is this,

558
00:28:56.320 --> 00:28:59.160
especially when you're dating and you feel that,

559
00:28:59.160 --> 00:29:02.400
that attraction early on, and it's like, oh, this is it.

560
00:29:02.400 --> 00:29:03.560
You may be three days in,

561
00:29:03.560 --> 00:29:05.440
but I promise you could feel like you've been talking

562
00:29:05.440 --> 00:29:06.280
just for three weeks.

563
00:29:06.280 --> 00:29:07.960
You literally need somebody to tell you

564
00:29:07.960 --> 00:29:09.760
it's only been three days.

565
00:29:09.760 --> 00:29:11.760
You need somebody to count the days for you and say,

566
00:29:11.760 --> 00:29:14.040
hey, listen, it's just been 13 days.

567
00:29:15.960 --> 00:29:19.280
It's like 13, literally 13.

568
00:29:19.280 --> 00:29:21.000
That's just sobering you up.

569
00:29:21.000 --> 00:29:24.120
But like something in you should say, surely,

570
00:29:24.120 --> 00:29:27.360
I don't know a person 13 days.

571
00:29:27.360 --> 00:29:28.880
13 days.

572
00:29:28.880 --> 00:29:33.880
All right, so wisdom doesn't always shorten the process,

573
00:29:33.880 --> 00:29:38.840
but wisdom will guard your heart.

574
00:29:38.840 --> 00:29:43.920
Wisdom will be a protection like a bubble around you.

575
00:29:45.760 --> 00:29:49.480
But wisdom doesn't circumvent the process.

576
00:29:49.480 --> 00:29:52.240
And so when you get weary and wisdom,

577
00:29:52.240 --> 00:29:55.040
it's almost like being weary and well-doing.

578
00:29:55.040 --> 00:29:56.920
Don't become weary and well-doing.

579
00:29:56.920 --> 00:29:58.280
That's what the Lord says,

580
00:29:58.280 --> 00:30:00.040
that you will surely reap a harvest.

581
00:30:07.760 --> 00:30:12.320
wisdom is going to say pace and slow down

582
00:30:12.320 --> 00:30:19.920
wisdom is going to say no don't do that no it ain't time for that no going too far

583
00:30:19.920 --> 00:30:22.400
that's what wisdom is going to speak to you

584
00:30:22.400 --> 00:30:27.600
wisdom is not going to say well you never know god can do anything

585
00:30:29.360 --> 00:30:35.600
god can't do anything and god also told you to lean into the on hands of wisdom if

586
00:30:35.600 --> 00:30:40.160
you lack it ask me for it because he knows you need it he said you need it so much i'm

587
00:30:40.160 --> 00:30:44.400
gonna pour it out to you where you can't even overflow you i'm gonna pour our wisdom to you

588
00:30:44.400 --> 00:30:50.320
liberally the bible says that my people perish for their lack of knowledge you are perishing

589
00:30:50.320 --> 00:30:59.120
because you lack knowledge we suffer because we lack wisdom so you tell me what is it that

590
00:30:59.120 --> 00:31:03.200
the father has to do in three days that can't be done in three months

591
00:31:03.200 --> 00:31:09.280
what what is what sometimes you have to ask yourself well what really is the rush here

592
00:31:09.280 --> 00:31:20.240
if i'm going to marry you i'm going to marry you whether i marry you in three months or six months

593
00:31:20.240 --> 00:31:28.320
right i heard one minister say and i'm going to wrap up here but he says that

594
00:31:28.480 --> 00:31:33.120
that rushing or impatience is a spirit and it comes from the enemy

595
00:31:33.120 --> 00:31:38.960
rushing or impatience is a spirit and it comes from the enemy

596
00:31:38.960 --> 00:31:46.400
now i'm inclined to believe that more so for my own self because patience within itself is a fruit

597
00:31:46.400 --> 00:31:54.160
of the spirit and it can't be had just because i want to actually take the process for patience

598
00:31:54.160 --> 00:31:59.520
that lives on the inside of me from the jesus that's in me to work itself up and actually

599
00:31:59.520 --> 00:32:07.040
begin to have expression in my life and so oftentimes when we deal with the spirit of fear it's always

600
00:32:07.040 --> 00:32:11.680
a rush behind it it's not logical it doesn't make sense you start thinking of stuff that just don't

601
00:32:11.680 --> 00:32:16.560
make sense at all and you actually believe it and it's acting like it's happening right now

602
00:32:16.560 --> 00:32:19.600
have you ever had that pressure on you i gotta say it right now i gotta say it right now and i'm

603
00:32:19.600 --> 00:32:22.240
just gonna go ahead and say it i'm gonna get it over with i'm gonna say it i'm gonna say it i'm

604
00:32:22.240 --> 00:32:26.000
gonna say it and if you go to sleep and wake up the next day you don't even think about it the same

605
00:32:26.000 --> 00:32:33.520
way anymore but when you work all these intense feelings associated with it and sometimes what we

606
00:32:33.520 --> 00:32:38.320
do in the middle of those intense feelings we like to assign them too quickly so either we assign them

607
00:32:38.320 --> 00:32:45.280
to god this must be this this must be god this must be that and all that rushing rushing rushing

608
00:32:45.280 --> 00:32:50.480
rushing to come up with a decision or to look for certainty and none of it has to be

609
00:32:50.480 --> 00:32:59.200
and in dating a lot of things feel their way i'm gonna tell you i've been in a lot of

610
00:32:59.200 --> 00:33:07.200
i've been in relationships like in dating will and the feelings don't change y'all

611
00:33:09.680 --> 00:33:17.120
if they are always there but i choose differently every time i have to choose

612
00:33:17.120 --> 00:33:22.880
not to flip over what they call in love every time i have to choose that i'm not about to jump

613
00:33:22.880 --> 00:33:29.600
all into a pool without a life jacket on every time i choose it unless i just really don't like

614
00:33:29.600 --> 00:33:34.320
them they don't even make it that far but if i like them i have to choose to talk to myself

615
00:33:38.080 --> 00:33:45.120
and it's not going to be any different i choose wisdom i choose to let wisdom be a car real around

616
00:33:45.120 --> 00:33:52.800
my life and for goodness sake i preach it like water coming out of my mouth right

617
00:33:52.800 --> 00:34:05.120
surely surely surely surely i must also you know live by these things and i live by them not because

618
00:34:05.120 --> 00:34:10.639
they're rules because i know that they're true so that's it so we're worrying i think that

619
00:34:10.639 --> 00:34:16.560
wisdom does not always shorten the process but it actually helps you go through the process

620
00:34:16.560 --> 00:34:25.920
and not circumvent the process so in dating the way that wisdom ultimately serves you

621
00:34:25.920 --> 00:34:29.760
is that when things don't go the way you thought they should or you will hope they would

622
00:34:30.719 --> 00:34:37.760
wisdom and partnering with the lord say to you come what did we learn come rest your head come

623
00:34:37.760 --> 00:34:43.679
let me catch your tears let's look at where we did grow the lord doesn't show up with you shouldn't

624
00:34:43.679 --> 00:34:49.760
have did that you shouldn't know better no no every opportunity you get to go on a date every

625
00:34:49.760 --> 00:34:54.560
opportunity you get to have a conversation you have to look for the areas that you grew in

626
00:34:54.560 --> 00:34:59.920
and if you don't you come here and will champion you or you find community around you that

627
00:35:01.280 --> 00:35:06.320
When you come out of a dating situation,

628
00:35:06.320 --> 00:35:07.640
when you come out of something

629
00:35:07.640 --> 00:35:09.400
that didn't go the way you planned,

630
00:35:09.400 --> 00:35:12.040
you need people to champion you.

631
00:35:12.040 --> 00:35:13.560
How do they do that?

632
00:35:13.560 --> 00:35:16.320
And if it just has to be you, I want you to write down,

633
00:35:16.320 --> 00:35:18.440
what is something I learned?

634
00:35:18.440 --> 00:35:20.560
What does this experience provide for me?

635
00:35:20.560 --> 00:35:22.360
What was good about it?

636
00:35:22.360 --> 00:35:24.120
What do I need to hold on to?

637
00:35:24.120 --> 00:35:28.580
Okay, what did this teach me?

638
00:35:29.640 --> 00:35:32.000
These are real conversations that you have to have

639
00:35:32.000 --> 00:35:34.800
with yourself or have people around you.

640
00:35:34.800 --> 00:35:37.360
What I don't prefer is you can have them

641
00:35:37.360 --> 00:35:38.400
because people do it and be like,

642
00:35:38.400 --> 00:35:39.640
well, you dodged a bullet.

643
00:35:39.640 --> 00:35:40.480
What things?

644
00:35:40.480 --> 00:35:41.320
That helps a lot.

645
00:35:41.320 --> 00:35:47.360
I mean, okay, but how much does it really help

646
00:35:47.360 --> 00:35:48.360
to restore you?

647
00:35:48.360 --> 00:35:52.680
Right, I've never truly rejoiced that I dodged a bullet

648
00:35:52.680 --> 00:35:55.600
because I don't even know the fullness of it.

649
00:35:55.600 --> 00:35:57.280
But in order, and you can say,

650
00:35:57.280 --> 00:35:59.600
when you dodged a bullet, I hear you,

651
00:35:59.600 --> 00:36:01.640
but what about what I invested?

652
00:36:01.640 --> 00:36:03.560
What about my time that I've visited?

653
00:36:03.560 --> 00:36:05.520
What about the hope that I invested?

654
00:36:05.520 --> 00:36:08.000
You guys are on a faith walk.

655
00:36:08.000 --> 00:36:10.640
You may be dating for discovery,

656
00:36:10.640 --> 00:36:13.000
but every time you get back on an app,

657
00:36:13.000 --> 00:36:14.640
every time you hold a conversation,

658
00:36:14.640 --> 00:36:16.800
that's your faith in operation.

659
00:36:16.800 --> 00:36:19.600
That's your hope in operation.

660
00:36:19.600 --> 00:36:22.920
And so there are things that you invest in this process

661
00:36:22.920 --> 00:36:25.400
that you have to get a return on,

662
00:36:25.400 --> 00:36:29.080
and you get that return on them by looking at the situation

663
00:36:29.080 --> 00:36:32.880
that came before you and what you learn from it,

664
00:36:32.880 --> 00:36:36.160
how you grew from it, how did it sharpen you?

665
00:36:36.160 --> 00:36:39.000
That's your return on investment.

666
00:36:39.000 --> 00:36:40.560
And so you can get rid of the line,

667
00:36:40.560 --> 00:36:42.120
like, I don't wanna waste my time.

668
00:36:42.120 --> 00:36:45.000
You won't waste your time.

669
00:36:45.000 --> 00:36:48.080
You always get a return on your investment

670
00:36:48.080 --> 00:36:49.800
when you're partnering with the Lord

671
00:36:49.800 --> 00:36:51.360
and you going through this process

672
00:36:51.360 --> 00:36:54.000
because he's coming to shape you.

673
00:36:54.000 --> 00:36:56.240
He's coming to sharpen you.

674
00:36:56.240 --> 00:36:59.740
Surely, surely, surely you learned something.

675
00:36:59.740 --> 00:37:06.800
Surely, if I were to write a book about,

676
00:37:06.800 --> 00:37:11.000
in the case you guys don't know me, I've been divorced.

677
00:37:11.000 --> 00:37:13.840
If I was to write a book about my marriage,

678
00:37:13.840 --> 00:37:16.240
somebody would swear I was a victim.

679
00:37:16.240 --> 00:37:21.680
But surely, surely, I got a return on my investment.

680
00:37:22.600 --> 00:37:26.360
Surely, surely, I was also in the marriage.

681
00:37:26.360 --> 00:37:29.120
Surely, surely I chose that man.

682
00:37:29.120 --> 00:37:35.160
Surely, I had a part to play.

683
00:37:35.160 --> 00:37:41.080
Surely there's some victory I can take from it.

684
00:37:41.080 --> 00:37:44.160
And so I never looked back at it like I was a victim.

685
00:37:44.160 --> 00:37:46.400
I am a victor.

686
00:37:46.400 --> 00:37:49.520
I am a different woman because of that marriage.

687
00:37:49.520 --> 00:37:53.360
I entered into their marriage like most people do, selfish,

688
00:37:53.360 --> 00:37:54.840
a very conditional love.

689
00:37:54.840 --> 00:37:57.200
There were lots of things about me.

690
00:37:57.200 --> 00:37:59.520
And I'm victorious now because of it.

691
00:37:59.520 --> 00:38:02.000
Like there's always something to extract.

692
00:38:02.000 --> 00:38:04.880
If the Lord brought you to it and he brought you through it,

693
00:38:04.880 --> 00:38:05.880
you can extract.

694
00:38:05.880 --> 00:38:08.680
There is a return on your investment.

695
00:38:08.680 --> 00:38:11.120
And I want you to start looking for the return

696
00:38:11.120 --> 00:38:12.240
on your investment.

697
00:38:12.240 --> 00:38:14.960
If you invest in your time, if it was a conversation,

698
00:38:14.960 --> 00:38:17.680
if it was a text, get a return from it.

699
00:38:19.360 --> 00:38:21.120
Because it's there for you.

700
00:38:21.120 --> 00:38:25.560
And when you start, baby, taking your money out,

701
00:38:25.560 --> 00:38:27.240
when you start getting the money at the bank,

702
00:38:27.240 --> 00:38:29.600
when you start drawing from your investment,

703
00:38:29.600 --> 00:38:33.160
you're gonna start growing and growing.

704
00:38:33.160 --> 00:38:36.320
There are no sob stories to tell.

705
00:38:36.320 --> 00:38:38.920
What may be said for one day can be something

706
00:38:38.920 --> 00:38:40.920
you rejoice over the next day.

707
00:38:40.920 --> 00:38:43.640
We just gotta find out what we're gonna rejoice in.

708
00:38:43.640 --> 00:38:48.400
Because there is a return on your investment.

709
00:38:48.400 --> 00:38:51.480
And so wisdom does that for us.

710
00:38:51.480 --> 00:38:54.120
Wisdom sets us up for a return on our investment.

711
00:38:54.120 --> 00:39:02.800
Whenever you use your voice, whenever you say no,

712
00:39:02.800 --> 00:39:05.320
whenever you put yourself out there and you don't want to,

713
00:39:05.320 --> 00:39:09.320
whenever you look at your pictures and which they look

714
00:39:09.320 --> 00:39:11.400
different, but you still post them anyway,

715
00:39:11.400 --> 00:39:16.280
come on, surely there's a return on something like that.

716
00:39:18.280 --> 00:39:20.320
Whenever you say to yourself, I'm not gonna wait,

717
00:39:20.320 --> 00:39:21.480
I'm gonna do it now.

718
00:39:21.480 --> 00:39:26.720
So I hope you ladies enjoyed this.

719
00:39:26.720 --> 00:39:28.040
I'm gonna cut it off now,

720
00:39:28.040 --> 00:39:30.520
because there's a lot more other notes here.

721
00:39:30.520 --> 00:39:32.640
And I don't wanna bore you,

722
00:39:32.640 --> 00:39:34.780
but wisdom is your friend.

723
00:39:34.780 --> 00:39:39.160
Good, and wisdom is your friend and want you to use it.

724
00:39:39.160 --> 00:39:42.540
Use wisdom, use wisdom.

725
00:39:42.540 --> 00:39:46.720
Oh good, we're not bored, yay!

726
00:39:47.560 --> 00:39:49.560
(laughing)

727
00:39:49.560 --> 00:39:54.560
Oh, and so any questions, what do you ladies have tonight?

728
00:39:54.560 --> 00:39:57.140
(upbeat music)

729
00:39:57.140 --> 00:39:59.140
You

730
00:40:01.840 --> 00:40:14.880
Okay, yeah, thank you for sharing this, because I don't know what it is, but I just keep avoiding

731
00:40:14.880 --> 00:40:24.080
dealing with the breakup with Wade, which I know it's just making it just linger even longer.

732
00:40:29.440 --> 00:40:43.280
Yeah, I just don't like diving into, like, negative feelings or whatever, like,

733
00:40:43.280 --> 00:40:48.560
because I still haven't shed a tear. And, like, I was getting emotional this afternoon,

734
00:40:48.560 --> 00:40:51.360
but then I had to go run an errand. I'm like, "Oh, I don't have time for this right now."

735
00:40:51.360 --> 00:40:53.840
Yeah.

736
00:40:54.560 --> 00:41:07.520
So, um, yeah, and I mean, someone was like, I, because I know that, like, you told me to, like,

737
00:41:07.520 --> 00:41:12.560
to journal about, like, the things that I liked and the relationship and the things that I didn't.

738
00:41:12.560 --> 00:41:19.200
And, um, yeah, I still get to do that. So...

739
00:41:22.800 --> 00:41:29.040
Well, you know, Laura, um, there's this thing Kyle not wanting to sit in discomfort,

740
00:41:29.040 --> 00:41:37.200
and it doesn't feel good to sit in the discomfort of the things that have happened.

741
00:41:37.200 --> 00:41:48.800
But you get to sit in discomfort. Sitting in discomfort is hard.

742
00:41:49.760 --> 00:41:57.440
Thinking about what we lost, what we don't have, what we miss.

743
00:41:57.440 --> 00:42:05.120
You know, even after a breakup, ladies, I don't want you ladies to forget that you need to

744
00:42:05.120 --> 00:42:09.760
grieve what you thought would be. It's really important to grieve that.

745
00:42:09.760 --> 00:42:15.760
Grieve what you miss when you think about them. Now, I want you to think, now, if you've been

746
00:42:15.760 --> 00:42:22.320
talking to someone pretty long in Laura and, um, tell me his name again. I can't believe it slipped

747
00:42:22.320 --> 00:42:30.080
my mind. Wade. Wade had been getting to know each other for a while, and he was a wonderful guy,

748
00:42:30.080 --> 00:42:38.000
really wonderful guy. And so, you got to think about time is adding a week of getting text

749
00:42:38.000 --> 00:42:44.480
message, getting calls, having something to look forward to. You cannot move on without grieving that.

750
00:42:44.480 --> 00:42:52.720
You need to grieve it because it was a part, it had become a part of your daily life.

751
00:42:52.720 --> 00:42:57.920
You know, just the idea that having somebody look, you have something to look forward to.

752
00:42:57.920 --> 00:43:04.640
Somebody that wants to talk to you because they like you, not because they're your cousin or your

753
00:43:04.640 --> 00:43:11.760
brother or your co-worker. They like you. They like you like a man likes a woman, right?

754
00:43:13.120 --> 00:43:17.760
Yeah. And it makes you feel special, and it feels really good, and it gives you something to look

755
00:43:17.760 --> 00:43:27.120
forward to. And so, I understand, Laura, um, you know, my encouragement is to go ahead and grieve,

756
00:43:27.120 --> 00:43:32.960
but this ain't your time. Um, and this could be, is this a way you handle things in life?

757
00:43:32.960 --> 00:43:40.560
Yeah, a lot of times, yeah, I mean, for like, I think that's also why it took me so long to like,

758
00:43:40.560 --> 00:43:47.200
get over like the divorce is that like, I just wanted to stay angry for like so long and just

759
00:43:47.200 --> 00:43:54.880
blame everything on him, which like, eventually, like, I was like, I came to realize that, that,

760
00:43:54.880 --> 00:44:00.080
yeah, like, I was in the marriage too. So there were certain things that I was responsible for as well.

761
00:44:00.080 --> 00:44:07.920
Um, but, um, I was in a really good support group. And, um, one, um, of the facilitators,

762
00:44:07.920 --> 00:44:13.600
she said, just to, to come up to the line, to take responsibility of what like, I did or didn't do,

763
00:44:13.600 --> 00:44:21.280
but like, not for anything that he was responsible for. So that was really helpful. Yeah, that is

764
00:44:21.280 --> 00:44:29.680
helpful. What do you think will help you, um, now? What do you think will help you grieve this?

765
00:44:32.640 --> 00:44:36.560
I guess, like, also like, just journaling about like, the things that like,

766
00:44:36.560 --> 00:44:48.080
I'm angry about too, whatever. And, um, yeah, um, because I feel like he's like, avoiding me or

767
00:44:48.080 --> 00:44:52.960
whatever, which I mean, it is what it is like, um, because he hasn't come to like, a word or

768
00:44:52.960 --> 00:44:57.840
meeting, like, in a month, whatever. I mean, I don't know that for sure, but, um, I know he's

769
00:44:57.840 --> 00:44:59.840
really busy and whatever.

770
00:45:04.240 --> 00:45:11.600
Well because like even previously like we had said that like we would still like be friends like

771
00:45:11.600 --> 00:45:23.440
even like um or at least be cordial to each other and um to just not I don't know but maybe it's

772
00:45:23.440 --> 00:45:33.280
he just isn't ready to like to see me again or whatever who knows I don't know yeah okay

773
00:45:33.280 --> 00:45:38.320
so you feel it's are you saying that you feel angry because you feel like he's avoiding you

774
00:45:38.320 --> 00:45:42.880
because you haven't seen him at the rotary club because he usually would have been there within

775
00:45:42.880 --> 00:45:52.720
a month's time yeah and is the possibility to you that he could be hurting and it's hard to see you

776
00:45:52.720 --> 00:45:56.800
yeah yeah and so what do you think about it when you think it

777
00:45:56.800 --> 00:46:15.360
I mean one like like my initial thought was like just be a man just suck it up

778
00:46:17.680 --> 00:46:24.400
but then on the other hand I'm just like yeah I get it or whatever so um that um

779
00:46:24.400 --> 00:46:28.960
and now why is it so important to you that he comes to this meeting

780
00:46:28.960 --> 00:46:34.640
what does he have to suck up and be a man so that you can see him at the meeting what is that about

781
00:46:34.640 --> 00:46:42.960
I don't really know okay because I want to know maybe maybe if I say that you can hear

782
00:46:42.960 --> 00:46:48.720
them maybe not it sounds like you want to see him and so because he's not showing up you want him

783
00:46:48.720 --> 00:46:52.720
to suck up whatever he is going to be a man because it'll make you feel better if you saw him

784
00:46:52.720 --> 00:46:59.520
maybe is that possible

785
00:47:05.200 --> 00:47:14.400
yeah it might be yeah have you tried to call him no okay because so besides not coming to the

786
00:47:14.400 --> 00:47:25.200
rotary meeting this is how you've determined that he's avoiding yeah and so does avoidance feel like

787
00:47:25.200 --> 00:47:38.480
rejection to you yeah to a certain degree yeah okay

788
00:47:38.480 --> 00:47:46.960
and so do you do you feel like you may feel better about the situation if you saw him

789
00:47:47.520 --> 00:48:01.920
in your experience um possibly I mean even though like I like I've never really been like

790
00:48:01.920 --> 00:48:11.760
super vengeful like towards like people that I did in the past like um I usually don't like

791
00:48:11.760 --> 00:48:17.200
stay like in that close contact with people um but I have dated when it doesn't work out so

792
00:48:17.520 --> 00:48:24.000
I know this is like a different situation that like dating somebody from like a club that we both

793
00:48:24.000 --> 00:48:31.680
belong to so yeah do you feel guilty for breaking up with him like you do something wrong to him

794
00:48:31.680 --> 00:48:38.640
well I like I know that I made the right decision because I know that like

795
00:48:42.800 --> 00:48:49.120
being that like he verbally told me that he doesn't see the importance of attending worship in person

796
00:48:49.120 --> 00:48:57.840
that um that eventually like I would like resent him for like we're not going or whatever so I'm

797
00:48:57.840 --> 00:49:05.520
glad that like I found out now um before things like continue to move forward so yeah that's a good

798
00:49:05.520 --> 00:49:15.440
point but I want to ask you that question one more time do you feel like you hurt him by leaving

799
00:49:15.440 --> 00:49:26.400
him breaking up with him yeah I think so and so maybe if you saw him and he was closer towards you

800
00:49:26.400 --> 00:49:37.200
then that will mean that everything is okay yeah I guess he's just taking this time to like

801
00:49:37.200 --> 00:49:45.040
work through like his feelings or whatever yeah that's true so do you feel like if you saw him

802
00:49:45.040 --> 00:49:50.000
and saw that he was okay then you would be okay

803
00:49:52.720 --> 00:49:57.440
yeah I mean I was tempted to like because this other like member of our club like

804
00:49:57.440 --> 00:49:59.840
literally works like in the same office building

805
00:50:03.480 --> 00:50:06.840
about it when he was at the meeting on Monday. But I didn't.

806
00:50:06.840 --> 00:50:08.320
Yeah. Okay.

807
00:50:08.320 --> 00:50:11.760
So, Laura, do you think you want to reach out to him and give him a call and

808
00:50:11.760 --> 00:50:14.640
say, Hey, or shoot him a text and say, Hey, I'm just checking on you. He's been

809
00:50:14.640 --> 00:50:16.920
a month since we talked, but I want to just check on you.

810
00:50:16.920 --> 00:50:20.160
See how you're doing.

811
00:50:20.160 --> 00:50:23.120
I do consider you my friend.

812
00:50:23.120 --> 00:50:28.240
We've always been pleasant with each other. And I just want to check on you.

813
00:50:28.880 --> 00:50:33.520
And if he doesn't respond, it doesn't mean that he is angry with you.

814
00:50:33.520 --> 00:50:39.880
He is a human being. He could be very hurt by the things that happen.

815
00:50:39.880 --> 00:50:47.360
And him being hurt is not your, your responsibility to bear. He's responsible

816
00:50:47.360 --> 00:50:51.880
to the person who is a human being. He is a human being. He could be very hurt

817
00:50:51.880 --> 00:50:58.440
and him being hurt is not your, your responsibility to bear. He's responsible

818
00:50:58.440 --> 00:51:01.640
for his own emotions as you're responsible for your own emotion.

819
00:51:01.640 --> 00:51:06.280
And every person has to do what's best for them. He was not your husband.

820
00:51:06.280 --> 00:51:10.360
He was somebody you were getting to know. So neither one of you were tied in.

821
00:51:10.360 --> 00:51:14.920
You understand? Right. Yeah. Right.

822
00:51:18.360 --> 00:51:22.040
And so I just wonder, like, if I reach out that, like, he might get the wrong

823
00:51:22.040 --> 00:51:26.840
impression, I don't know. But I mean, I could clarify that or something too.

824
00:51:26.840 --> 00:51:31.560
I don't know. Well, if you say, hey, I'm just reaching out to check on you.

825
00:51:31.560 --> 00:51:34.520
I want to know how you're doing.

826
00:51:34.520 --> 00:51:39.560
We're very used to being around each other. So I want to check on you.

827
00:51:39.560 --> 00:51:44.040
I don't know how he could confuse that.

828
00:51:45.720 --> 00:51:54.760
And so he is an adult and he has good sense. And so he can't read what's not there.

829
00:51:54.760 --> 00:52:02.840
That's true. But that's if you want to do that, he's not an enemy of yours.

830
00:52:02.840 --> 00:52:11.560
And this will help you possibly, if he responds, not to be, you know,

831
00:52:11.560 --> 00:52:17.160
accusatory of him and to see him as a person. You don't have to send a text to see him as a person,

832
00:52:17.160 --> 00:52:22.360
but I am talking to your heart right now. And I want you just to see him as a person.

833
00:52:22.360 --> 00:52:28.520
And sometimes we see me and it's not being human. And we say, oh, suck it up and get over it.

834
00:52:28.520 --> 00:52:31.800
You say that, but that's a real, like, thing people say, right?

835
00:52:31.800 --> 00:52:41.240
Because we have dehumanized men. But men often can love and care more deeply than a woman.

836
00:52:41.880 --> 00:52:46.360
And so I just want you to know, Laura, that even if he's avoiding you,

837
00:52:46.360 --> 00:52:51.800
it's not because you're not an amazing woman, he's avoiding you because he's dealing with his own heart.

838
00:52:51.800 --> 00:52:54.920
And maybe he has to figure out how he's going to come back around again,

839
00:52:54.920 --> 00:53:00.520
because I want you to remember that he was the one that told you first that he had romantic feelings for you.

840
00:53:00.520 --> 00:53:05.080
As he should have romantic feelings for you, Laura, because you're a wonderful woman.

841
00:53:07.240 --> 00:53:12.040
And it just so happened in the process that you guys found out, or you found out that

842
00:53:12.040 --> 00:53:16.840
this wasn't going to be the best fit for you. And that's what people do when they're dating.

843
00:53:16.840 --> 00:53:24.120
And certainly you wouldn't have gone to an inclusive relationship with them,

844
00:53:24.120 --> 00:53:28.280
planning forward to not work out or move forward.

845
00:53:36.440 --> 00:53:39.720
Do you and then I'll wrap it up with this and take my other questions.

846
00:53:39.720 --> 00:53:45.320
But do you have any resentment toward God? Do you feel like deep down?

847
00:53:45.320 --> 00:53:48.680
Like, why do you let me get involved in this? You know, it wasn't going to work.

848
00:53:48.680 --> 00:53:53.480
I put myself out there. I never should have did it. Do we have any of those thoughts?

849
00:53:53.480 --> 00:54:03.000
Maybe a little or just like that I kick myself for like allowing the relationship to like

850
00:54:03.960 --> 00:54:06.760
go for like four and a half months without like clarifying that.

851
00:54:06.760 --> 00:54:13.080
But when I found out, like realized that, yeah, it wasn't going to be something that

852
00:54:13.080 --> 00:54:19.560
I would be able to to move forward with. So, but I mean,

853
00:54:19.560 --> 00:54:22.200
it's also a learning curve for me too. So yeah.

854
00:54:22.200 --> 00:54:27.320
Yeah. So let me ask you this. And of all the good dates you had,

855
00:54:27.320 --> 00:54:32.120
all the good time you had, something you hadn't had in years, even in your marriage,

856
00:54:32.120 --> 00:54:37.080
even after your marriage, you would dump all of that in the trash can.

857
00:54:37.080 --> 00:54:39.720
If you had a new earlier that he wasn't going to be,

858
00:54:39.720 --> 00:54:43.880
he's not interested in church. You're throw away all that restoration.

859
00:54:43.880 --> 00:54:48.520
All those comments about how beautiful you truly are that you hadn't heard in forever.

860
00:54:48.520 --> 00:54:56.760
Someone that respects you, honors you, doesn't push you to do things against your boundaries.

861
00:54:56.760 --> 00:54:59.960
Someone that sits and talks to you for hours, that leaves your phone,

862
00:55:03.520 --> 00:55:09.600
to you. Would you give all that up? If you had an honor, they too. Now,

863
00:55:09.600 --> 00:55:19.040
there's a return on your investment, Laura. And so be free to grieve because you got a return

864
00:55:19.040 --> 00:55:25.120
on your investment. And I often say this, ladies, the law will allow relationships to come into our

865
00:55:25.120 --> 00:55:31.280
life to bring restoration. And we can't bypass it because there are things enough that have been

866
00:55:31.280 --> 00:55:39.440
broken down and abandoned that the Lord needs to restore and build so that you can have eyes to

867
00:55:39.440 --> 00:55:45.120
see what a suitor looks like, what a husband looks like. And as long as they're broken down

868
00:55:45.120 --> 00:55:50.720
walls on the inside of you, they can only be restored by a lot of times community of the opposite sex.

869
00:55:50.720 --> 00:55:57.600
You don't even have the infrastructure within you to see well. And so he'll send a man along.

870
00:55:57.600 --> 00:56:09.440
There's a good man, just not your man to deposit goodness in you because men carry the ability to

871
00:56:09.440 --> 00:56:16.000
deposit goodness into women because women are receivers. And the same way a man came to take

872
00:56:16.000 --> 00:56:21.520
from you is an old came to deposit. Our kind of foolishness in you, God was in another man

873
00:56:21.520 --> 00:56:24.800
to deposit goodness in you. Free of charge.

874
00:56:24.800 --> 00:56:32.720
Yeah, that's part of the reason why like I was so like disappointed that it ended this way is

875
00:56:32.720 --> 00:56:37.600
because we did like have great conversation and enjoy spending time together from like the very

876
00:56:37.600 --> 00:56:43.760
first date back in like mid April. So even though like I was going to be really surprised like if

877
00:56:43.760 --> 00:56:50.240
he was the one and that he was like the first and only guy that I have dated like since my divorce

878
00:56:50.240 --> 00:56:55.920
a little over eight years ago. And technically since I got or since I dated like the X back in

879
00:56:55.920 --> 00:57:03.040
the like the early 90s. So yeah, so it's been a hot minute since like I dated anybody. So yeah.

880
00:57:03.040 --> 00:57:10.240
Yeah. And don't forget Laura, in all of your return on investment, you still had to give parts

881
00:57:10.240 --> 00:57:18.880
of yourself to get it. But yeah, but I am very grateful. And I told him to that like that I was

882
00:57:18.880 --> 00:57:25.040
very appreciative that that he was like a very sweet and gracious and generous man and very patient

883
00:57:25.040 --> 00:57:31.760
and kind. So yeah. And so good. And so the reason why I made that coming to you is it did cost you

884
00:57:31.760 --> 00:57:36.400
something. And that's why you have those thoughts like if I ever knew it would have been like this,

885
00:57:36.400 --> 00:57:41.920
I think I would have walked away because you feel the cost, you feel what you had to invest.

886
00:57:41.920 --> 00:57:52.240
But when we put things in perspective, you were kept very well by boundaries, right? And you're

887
00:57:52.240 --> 00:58:01.280
going to see, you're going to see a bounce back. But you don't have to skip over grieving wonderful

888
00:58:01.280 --> 00:58:09.120
things. And they don't feel good. I already know. But you don't have to.

889
00:58:09.120 --> 00:58:16.320
Okay. You can hold all good. Yeah, you can hold goodness in one hand and still grieve in the other

890
00:58:16.320 --> 00:58:22.320
hand. You can hold goodness in one hand and still shed tears because you wish it didn't end.

891
00:58:24.400 --> 00:58:31.440
This way or at all. And Laura, I still totally you can meet somebody the first time and not

892
00:58:31.440 --> 00:58:35.760
they anybody else and they'd be the person you mayor. So I disagree with you on that idea that

893
00:58:35.760 --> 00:58:41.520
you have that that's not possible. I believe it's completely possible. Okay.

894
00:58:41.520 --> 00:58:48.560
Yes. And it is my hope that the next man you get to know will be your husband.

895
00:58:50.800 --> 00:58:56.880
Okay. Yeah, I hope so too. Thank you. You're welcome. Catherine.

896
00:58:56.880 --> 00:59:07.440
I've been going through a tough week as you guys could see from the app.

897
00:59:07.440 --> 00:59:17.200
Yeah, I am definitely kicking myself for this today because I remember from the very beginning,

898
00:59:17.200 --> 00:59:24.400
bringing this up in this community and talking to you about it. Who is now my ex-boyfriend

899
00:59:24.400 --> 00:59:30.800
was the one with I was having the car problems and he kept having me go to him and

900
00:59:30.800 --> 00:59:38.400
the texting and I did. I was able to finally have the guts to tell him I need a phone call a week

901
00:59:38.400 --> 00:59:44.240
because I'm, you know, to really get to know him. But even with doing all that,

902
00:59:44.240 --> 00:59:52.720
he seemed reluctant. He seemed very holding back his heart. Literally the breakup ended up in,

903
00:59:52.720 --> 00:59:59.760
I mean, honestly, I could tell you I don't know why we were exclusive and boyfriend and girlfriend.

904
01:00:03.520 --> 01:00:05.480
I do not know why.

905
01:00:05.480 --> 01:00:09.120
To me, that feels like a discovery dating phase

906
01:00:09.120 --> 01:00:10.760
where you should be dating other people

907
01:00:10.760 --> 01:00:12.880
and getting to know people.

908
01:00:12.880 --> 01:00:17.880
So I do not, and I've never had a boyfriend in my life

909
01:00:17.880 --> 01:00:20.480
where he didn't have romantic feelings for me.

910
01:00:20.480 --> 01:00:23.480
So, and I gotta laugh with all of this.

911
01:00:23.480 --> 01:00:26.000
I'm the one on the autism spectrum.

912
01:00:26.000 --> 01:00:30.040
And I'm like, I don't understand any of that.

913
01:00:30.040 --> 01:00:35.000
And then yeah, with the holding back.

914
01:00:35.000 --> 01:00:37.880
So, right, he was saying he couldn't say he loves me.

915
01:00:37.880 --> 01:00:42.240
He deliberately was reading my texts last Wednesday,

916
01:00:42.240 --> 01:00:44.720
completely ignoring me.

917
01:00:44.720 --> 01:00:46.880
When I confronted him on it,

918
01:00:46.880 --> 01:00:51.880
he admitted he wasn't texting me and he said he was upset.

919
01:00:51.880 --> 01:00:55.920
And I was like, I didn't appreciate the silent treatment.

920
01:00:55.920 --> 01:00:57.840
I made the mistake of telling him

921
01:00:57.840 --> 01:01:00.680
that that kind of brought up stuff with my ex.

922
01:01:00.680 --> 01:01:04.960
But then I told him later on, whatever it was with him,

923
01:01:04.960 --> 01:01:07.960
I felt like I couldn't be myself around him,

924
01:01:07.960 --> 01:01:09.320
like just looking at him.

925
01:01:09.320 --> 01:01:11.760
Never mind my ex-husband, just looking at him.

926
01:01:11.760 --> 01:01:12.840
There was something about him.

927
01:01:12.840 --> 01:01:15.400
I felt like I was walking on eggshells with,

928
01:01:15.400 --> 01:01:17.200
just him directly.

929
01:01:17.200 --> 01:01:20.360
But I have this habit, I guess apparently,

930
01:01:20.360 --> 01:01:23.600
of kind of going back and playing the victim card

931
01:01:23.600 --> 01:01:26.200
of like, well, because I was divorced because.

932
01:01:26.200 --> 01:01:29.000
And yeah, it was really was one of those.

933
01:01:29.000 --> 01:01:32.320
I need to admit it's him.

934
01:01:32.320 --> 01:01:34.000
So finally, I did get the guts

935
01:01:34.000 --> 01:01:36.680
like after he broke up with me of admitting,

936
01:01:36.680 --> 01:01:39.960
no, the truth is, is I didn't like that.

937
01:01:39.960 --> 01:01:42.040
You were giving me the silent treatment.

938
01:01:42.040 --> 01:01:44.040
Like, and I was like trying to say it with the I statements.

939
01:01:44.040 --> 01:01:47.120
I felt it wasn't right that you were ignoring me.

940
01:01:47.120 --> 01:01:49.480
Like I was trying to say it like that.

941
01:01:49.480 --> 01:01:54.480
And, you know, I feel like the whole thing was right.

942
01:01:54.480 --> 01:01:58.000
He literally broke up with me over love,

943
01:01:58.000 --> 01:02:01.280
but then why were we exclusive?

944
01:02:01.280 --> 01:02:04.280
And the reason why I'm kicking myself over it

945
01:02:04.280 --> 01:02:09.280
is I remember at the beginning of this,

946
01:02:09.280 --> 01:02:12.080
God sang through you to me,

947
01:02:12.080 --> 01:02:14.880
don't take myself off the market for this man.

948
01:02:14.880 --> 01:02:16.600
And I'm like, I really shouldn't have taken myself

949
01:02:16.600 --> 01:02:17.760
off the market for this man.

950
01:02:17.760 --> 01:02:21.040
I should have been dating multiple men this summer

951
01:02:21.040 --> 01:02:26.040
instead of wasting my time just dating him and being exclusive.

952
01:02:26.040 --> 01:02:29.640
So if I could do it all over again,

953
01:02:29.640 --> 01:02:32.040
I would have dated multiple men in the summer

954
01:02:32.040 --> 01:02:33.040
and not just him.

955
01:02:33.040 --> 01:02:36.440
And the amount of times he had me going out to him

956
01:02:36.440 --> 01:02:39.480
two and a half hours away would not the greatest car.

957
01:02:39.480 --> 01:02:41.160
It was eight out of 10 dates.

958
01:02:41.160 --> 01:02:44.680
And the last date, because of all of this stuff

959
01:02:44.680 --> 01:02:49.040
and the silent treatment, I was crying most of the whole date.

960
01:02:49.040 --> 01:02:52.760
I was like trying not to, but, you know,

961
01:02:52.760 --> 01:02:54.920
that whole thing with the silent treatment.

962
01:02:54.920 --> 01:02:58.160
And apparently I wasn't over something with my ex

963
01:02:58.160 --> 01:03:00.840
with towards the end of my marriage

964
01:03:00.840 --> 01:03:02.960
of not answering my calls back then.

965
01:03:02.960 --> 01:03:04.280
I mean, that did come up with it.

966
01:03:04.280 --> 01:03:05.560
There was a legit flashback,

967
01:03:05.560 --> 01:03:08.120
but it really was mostly what this guy did.

968
01:03:08.120 --> 01:03:13.120
But there was a flashback of my ex not taking my phone calls,

969
01:03:14.520 --> 01:03:16.120
just texting me nasty things.

970
01:03:16.120 --> 01:03:20.000
And when you wrote F you C UNT on paintings back then.

971
01:03:20.000 --> 01:03:21.680
So I do see there was something like that

972
01:03:21.680 --> 01:03:24.560
buried deep down inside from my marriage breakup

973
01:03:24.560 --> 01:03:26.760
that God was revealing for healing.

974
01:03:26.760 --> 01:03:29.560
But at the same time, I learned,

975
01:03:29.560 --> 01:03:31.520
'cause I brought this up to my individual therapist

976
01:03:31.520 --> 01:03:33.720
and it's nice to bring this up to this now.

977
01:03:33.720 --> 01:03:37.640
I learned that this guy that was my boyfriend

978
01:03:37.640 --> 01:03:40.760
has an avoidant attachment.

979
01:03:40.760 --> 01:03:43.160
And I put that on my list now.

980
01:03:43.160 --> 01:03:47.120
I don't want a man that has avoidant attachment issues.

981
01:03:47.120 --> 01:03:48.440
It doesn't go with the fact

982
01:03:48.440 --> 01:03:50.720
that I have anxious attachment because of my divorce,

983
01:03:50.720 --> 01:03:53.080
but I also want to work on my anxious attachment

984
01:03:53.080 --> 01:03:55.640
and go from anxious attachment to secure.

985
01:03:55.640 --> 01:03:56.840
So that's something I want to work on

986
01:03:56.840 --> 01:04:00.080
with this community and my individual therapist.

987
01:04:00.080 --> 01:04:03.720
But I also don't want a guy that's avoidant attached ever again.

988
01:04:03.720 --> 01:04:06.680
So that's kind of what I went through.

989
01:04:06.680 --> 01:04:07.520
- Yeah.

990
01:04:07.520 --> 01:04:08.360
Okay.

991
01:04:08.360 --> 01:04:09.360
And I saw your post.

992
01:04:10.360 --> 01:04:11.200
Um.

993
01:04:11.200 --> 01:04:14.520
Um.

994
01:04:14.520 --> 01:04:20.440
Now, Catherine, he wasn't worthy of you.

995
01:04:20.440 --> 01:04:24.120
That's not to put him down and to lift you up,

996
01:04:24.120 --> 01:04:26.280
but I'm just telling you.

997
01:04:26.280 --> 01:04:29.120
I'm the natural response of a man

998
01:04:29.120 --> 01:04:30.880
when he's with a woman.

999
01:04:30.880 --> 01:04:33.960
He likes her, he's in service to give.

1000
01:04:33.960 --> 01:04:36.560
And I didn't see him giving much to you.

1001
01:04:36.560 --> 01:04:37.720
And that's not okay.

1002
01:04:38.720 --> 01:04:43.440
There was a lot of taking and not a lot of giving.

1003
01:04:43.440 --> 01:04:47.240
And so I know this is hard on your heart,

1004
01:04:47.240 --> 01:04:50.280
but it would have been harder on my heart

1005
01:04:50.280 --> 01:04:52.240
had you continued with someone

1006
01:04:52.240 --> 01:04:55.400
who's not willing to pour into you and to give to you.

1007
01:04:55.400 --> 01:04:58.320
It would have stripped you more

1008
01:04:58.320 --> 01:04:59.840
than you could ever imagine.

1009
01:05:03.080 --> 01:05:07.760
That's not going to build you up as a woman, and you don't deserve that.

1010
01:05:07.760 --> 01:05:14.200
And if I have to speak for you, I speak for you and say, he wasn't worthy of your goodness,

1011
01:05:14.200 --> 01:05:25.600
of your kindness, of your intentionality, of your thoughts for details, no, he wasn't.

1012
01:05:25.600 --> 01:05:30.880
And so you're going to get through this.

1013
01:05:30.880 --> 01:05:34.000
I'm glad that he's moved out of the way.

1014
01:05:34.000 --> 01:05:46.240
I'm sorry that your heart hasn't purred so much pain from it, but I just don't want to

1015
01:05:46.240 --> 01:05:53.760
see you pouring out your life again, especially with all the things that you go through.

1016
01:05:53.760 --> 01:05:56.760
It's just not another taker.

1017
01:05:56.760 --> 01:06:02.960
No, no, that's not going to work.

1018
01:06:02.960 --> 01:06:08.640
And I'm so glad you've recognized that even in all that you were doing, you know, he was

1019
01:06:08.640 --> 01:06:11.040
studied taking from you.

1020
01:06:11.040 --> 01:06:16.360
Yeah, how long have you been divorced?

1021
01:06:16.360 --> 01:06:27.420
Since March 17th of 26th, yeah, legally, it took that long while it also took me getting

1022
01:06:27.420 --> 01:06:35.120
money, which God gave me resources to get the money because I also was moving up state

1023
01:06:35.120 --> 01:06:36.120
New York.

1024
01:06:36.120 --> 01:06:37.120
Oh, this right.

1025
01:06:37.120 --> 01:06:45.440
So I joined the program July 17, 2025 because I wanted to start healing.

1026
01:06:45.440 --> 01:06:48.880
And I figured I was going to stay in the heart work while I was doing that.

1027
01:06:48.880 --> 01:06:55.520
And I actually took longer in the heart work than like beyond when the divorce was finalized.

1028
01:06:55.520 --> 01:06:59.800
But yeah, I mean, there is that to consider that.

1029
01:06:59.800 --> 01:07:01.440
So I want to say it was a bit.

1030
01:07:01.440 --> 01:07:02.440
It was a bit soon.

1031
01:07:02.440 --> 01:07:04.040
I was talking to him since that.

1032
01:07:04.040 --> 01:07:07.880
I mean, there is that after I hear that.

1033
01:07:07.880 --> 01:07:11.560
But I want to say to you, you know, you're caring you like you're like, well, I commit

1034
01:07:11.560 --> 01:07:14.720
this was a trigger from this and trigger from that.

1035
01:07:14.720 --> 01:07:20.560
But he also wasn't creating a safe environment for you.

1036
01:07:20.560 --> 01:07:23.600
You understand, like there are some things that are going to be bound to come up when

1037
01:07:23.600 --> 01:07:28.240
a person is taking that was unavoidable.

1038
01:07:28.240 --> 01:07:32.120
If he's showing up as an avoidant, there's some things we're just going to have to do

1039
01:07:32.120 --> 01:07:34.200
with your past relationship.

1040
01:07:34.200 --> 01:07:39.040
If you, if you operate more in an anxious attachment style and he operates in more than

1041
01:07:39.040 --> 01:07:44.360
an avoidant style, of course, you're going to feel insecure.

1042
01:07:44.360 --> 01:07:50.440
Of course, you're going to feel like stuff is going crazy all around you.

1043
01:07:50.440 --> 01:07:54.760
Of course, you're going to have feels it has nothing to do with your previous marriage.

1044
01:07:54.760 --> 01:08:00.520
You understand what I'm saying?

1045
01:08:00.520 --> 01:08:04.360
Even if you were a secure attachment, he was avoiding there was going to be some issues

1046
01:08:04.360 --> 01:08:07.800
and you were going to have to walk away as a secure attachment or you were going to get

1047
01:08:07.800 --> 01:08:13.960
sucked in and become anxious because he's avoiding you.

1048
01:08:13.960 --> 01:08:19.920
And so keep posting, keep keeping us up to date on your heart.

1049
01:08:19.920 --> 01:08:31.200
And the other thing I have to add is he was acting like he was going to make my birthday,

1050
01:08:31.200 --> 01:08:33.240
which is October 3rd, by the way.

1051
01:08:33.240 --> 01:08:35.680
So amazing that weekend.

1052
01:08:35.680 --> 01:08:42.000
And he decided because I was emotional and crying and clearly I can see as part of the

1053
01:08:42.000 --> 01:08:49.520
avoiding attachment, he can't handle a partner crying like that.

1054
01:08:49.520 --> 01:08:57.760
He decided to just break up with me instead of giving me what he promised for that.

1055
01:08:57.760 --> 01:09:00.680
So he looked all the way out.

1056
01:09:00.680 --> 01:09:01.680
Yeah.

1057
01:09:01.680 --> 01:09:02.920
I think he did too.

1058
01:09:02.920 --> 01:09:08.920
And then going by what my therapist was saying in between this from the silent treatment

1059
01:09:08.920 --> 01:09:16.200
to the breakup, when I was telling her about the facts of what he was doing.

1060
01:09:16.200 --> 01:09:20.359
And then we would talk about avoiding attachment star, she said, yeah, it sounds like he has

1061
01:09:20.359 --> 01:09:21.359
it.

1062
01:09:21.359 --> 01:09:22.359
And then I know myself.

1063
01:09:22.359 --> 01:09:26.000
I think I took the quiz on this and I saw, but I could see my own symptoms that I'm anxious

1064
01:09:26.000 --> 01:09:27.000
attached.

1065
01:09:27.000 --> 01:09:31.040
But at least they know what me, like the thing I know I can control is I want to work

1066
01:09:31.040 --> 01:09:33.800
towards being securely attached.

1067
01:09:33.800 --> 01:09:40.040
But at the same time, I recognize I don't want to be with someone who's avoiding attached

1068
01:09:40.040 --> 01:09:41.040
regardless.

1069
01:09:41.040 --> 01:09:43.200
That's not something I want.

1070
01:09:43.200 --> 01:09:44.200
Yeah.

1071
01:09:44.200 --> 01:09:48.600
And the more secure you are in your attachment style, anxious generally will attract and

1072
01:09:48.600 --> 01:09:50.760
avoid it, right?

1073
01:09:50.760 --> 01:10:00.000
But the more secure you are in the, also, you may, there, you ladies, there could be

1074
01:10:01.040 --> 01:10:02.580
"I'm this, I'm this, I'm this attachment.

1075
01:10:02.580 --> 01:10:03.760
I'm this attachment."

1076
01:10:03.760 --> 01:10:06.320
Well, you don't have to stay that attachment.

1077
01:10:06.320 --> 01:10:09.680
Meaning when you feel yourself leaning toward anxiousness,

1078
01:10:09.680 --> 01:10:11.360
you bend yourself the other way

1079
01:10:11.360 --> 01:10:13.280
because you have a new attachment style

1080
01:10:13.280 --> 01:10:15.180
and it calls the perfect love of Jesus

1081
01:10:15.180 --> 01:10:16.800
that lives only inside of you.

1082
01:10:16.800 --> 01:10:18.680
So you don't have to continue to give away

1083
01:10:18.680 --> 01:10:22.700
a broken way of love that you learn from your family.

1084
01:10:22.700 --> 01:10:27.400
Somebody taught you that, you didn't ask for it.

1085
01:10:27.400 --> 01:10:30.580
And so one of the things that Jesus told me one time

1086
01:10:30.580 --> 01:10:31.420
when I was running,

1087
01:10:31.420 --> 01:10:34.160
'cause like, you don't have to keep giving this out.

1088
01:10:34.160 --> 01:10:36.640
That's not your identity.

1089
01:10:36.640 --> 01:10:38.840
And I was like, "Oh, well, you're right."

1090
01:10:38.840 --> 01:10:40.480
He said, "You have a more perfected love

1091
01:10:40.480 --> 01:10:41.800
on the inside of you."

1092
01:10:41.800 --> 01:10:43.680
And so every time I would feel myself leaning

1093
01:10:43.680 --> 01:10:44.840
toward the anxiousness,

1094
01:10:44.840 --> 01:10:46.880
I would bend myself back the other way

1095
01:10:46.880 --> 01:10:49.880
and I did it so much until this,

1096
01:10:49.880 --> 01:10:54.240
the other way became my first response instead of anxiousness.

1097
01:10:54.240 --> 01:10:56.840
But one time I did date and avoid it.

1098
01:10:56.840 --> 01:11:00.320
And then I just starts like, "This feels weird."

1099
01:11:00.320 --> 01:11:03.760
And I felt myself constantly leaning more toward anxiousness,

1100
01:11:03.760 --> 01:11:04.760
more toward anxiousness.

1101
01:11:04.760 --> 01:11:07.440
And I was like, "Something's wrong."

1102
01:11:07.440 --> 01:11:10.840
And, you know, first you don't see these things,

1103
01:11:10.840 --> 01:11:13.240
but then over time it's like, "Oh, wow."

1104
01:11:13.240 --> 01:11:16.440
And even silent treatment is a really hard thing.

1105
01:11:16.440 --> 01:11:18.720
Silent treatment is a fear of heart.

1106
01:11:18.720 --> 01:11:22.520
But thank you for sharing, Katherine,

1107
01:11:22.520 --> 01:11:24.000
and we're here to support you.

1108
01:11:24.000 --> 01:11:26.680
- Here's the real part.

1109
01:11:26.680 --> 01:11:29.000
- Thank you all so much, too.

1110
01:11:29.000 --> 01:11:29.960
- You're welcome.

1111
01:11:29.960 --> 01:11:32.160
- Daniela.

1112
01:11:32.160 --> 01:11:38.200
- Hi, everybody, this is my first phase two call.

1113
01:11:38.200 --> 01:11:39.040
- Hi.

1114
01:11:39.040 --> 01:11:42.200
- I'm really excited to be here and I'm a little nervous,

1115
01:11:42.200 --> 01:11:44.920
but I'm mainly excited.

1116
01:11:44.920 --> 01:11:49.160
And I just did nine weeks of some real deep artwork.

1117
01:11:49.160 --> 01:11:51.720
I really dug in.

1118
01:11:51.720 --> 01:11:52.960
That was so beautiful.

1119
01:11:52.960 --> 01:11:54.080
It was such a good time.

1120
01:11:54.080 --> 01:11:59.080
And I really sensed the Lord released me to start dating again.

1121
01:11:59.080 --> 01:12:04.200
And here's what I'd love to ask my first question on.

1122
01:12:04.200 --> 01:12:07.200
I'm really nervous.

1123
01:12:07.200 --> 01:12:12.200
I haven't, I've dated, I've gone on 71st dates in eight years.

1124
01:12:12.200 --> 01:12:15.600
I've been engaged to my best guy friend.

1125
01:12:15.600 --> 01:12:17.480
He broke up with me right before the wedding.

1126
01:12:17.480 --> 01:12:18.680
That was a decade ago.

1127
01:12:18.680 --> 01:12:21.640
And so I've kind of been on a 10-year journey of healing

1128
01:12:21.640 --> 01:12:23.600
and then an eight-year journey of dating.

1129
01:12:23.600 --> 01:12:27.360
And I've mainly attracted emotionally unavailable men

1130
01:12:27.360 --> 01:12:29.240
and men who say they're Christians

1131
01:12:29.240 --> 01:12:31.720
and then act differently.

1132
01:12:31.720 --> 01:12:33.520
And they're not really what I've actually wanted.

1133
01:12:33.520 --> 01:12:36.800
And so I just dated a guy for about three months

1134
01:12:36.800 --> 01:12:40.360
and gave him a chance and I was almost too kind.

1135
01:12:40.360 --> 01:12:44.160
And I should have listened to my spirit

1136
01:12:44.160 --> 01:12:46.680
and kind of what I was seeing

1137
01:12:46.680 --> 01:12:48.240
but instead I kind of stayed a little longer.

1138
01:12:48.240 --> 01:12:50.400
Anyways, I ended that and realized I needed some help.

1139
01:12:50.400 --> 01:12:53.160
So I came here and I feel like I'm in a really,

1140
01:12:53.160 --> 01:12:54.480
really beautiful place.

1141
01:12:54.480 --> 01:12:57.680
And I have my hopes been restored.

1142
01:12:57.680 --> 01:13:00.600
I was just felt hopeless for about like a year.

1143
01:13:00.600 --> 01:13:02.840
After, I've never married, I've never had any kids

1144
01:13:02.840 --> 01:13:05.760
and I want both with all of my heart.

1145
01:13:05.760 --> 01:13:10.760
And so this guy from my church just asked me out this week

1146
01:13:10.760 --> 01:13:15.560
and he just got released by the Lord to date on Sunday

1147
01:13:15.560 --> 01:13:17.720
as I feel like I did.

1148
01:13:17.720 --> 01:13:22.360
And he has all of my six non-negotiables.

1149
01:13:22.360 --> 01:13:26.600
I narrowed down my 70 preference list to six non-negotiables.

1150
01:13:26.600 --> 01:13:28.160
Y'all know that was hard.

1151
01:13:28.160 --> 01:13:30.080
Okay, did that.

1152
01:13:30.080 --> 01:13:32.680
And I think this is my question.

1153
01:13:32.680 --> 01:13:34.840
So he's a good guy.

1154
01:13:34.840 --> 01:13:36.200
He's emotionally available.

1155
01:13:36.200 --> 01:13:37.360
He's spiritually mature.

1156
01:13:37.360 --> 01:13:38.200
He wants kids.

1157
01:13:38.200 --> 01:13:39.320
He's financially responsible

1158
01:13:39.320 --> 01:13:40.800
and he takes care of himself physically.

1159
01:13:40.800 --> 01:13:43.000
These are my six non-negotiables.

1160
01:13:43.000 --> 01:13:47.840
And here's where I'm really struggling

1161
01:13:47.840 --> 01:13:52.160
is he doesn't make a whole lot of money right now.

1162
01:13:52.160 --> 01:13:54.480
And I've been more attracted to men

1163
01:13:54.480 --> 01:13:56.840
who already come to the table.

1164
01:13:56.840 --> 01:14:00.760
Like I'm showing me what kind of wealth you already have,

1165
01:14:00.760 --> 01:14:04.240
not that you want to build it, but that you have and you are.

1166
01:14:04.240 --> 01:14:08.960
But I kind of was counseled to give him a chance

1167
01:14:08.960 --> 01:14:11.840
'cause he's such a good guy.

1168
01:14:11.840 --> 01:14:16.600
And he has actually liked me for some time

1169
01:14:16.600 --> 01:14:20.600
and he's not actually dated much.

1170
01:14:20.600 --> 01:14:22.200
He isn't dated at all.

1171
01:14:22.200 --> 01:14:26.360
He got married young and went through a really sad divorce

1172
01:14:26.360 --> 01:14:27.800
and is not dated at all.

1173
01:14:27.800 --> 01:14:31.080
And I'm the first one he's taking on a date this week.

1174
01:14:31.080 --> 01:14:33.280
And he just, this might be silly,

1175
01:14:33.280 --> 01:14:34.880
but I could use him help.

1176
01:14:34.880 --> 01:14:37.560
Like he seems so innocent.

1177
01:14:37.560 --> 01:14:42.760
Almost like, do you know what you're doing?

1178
01:14:42.760 --> 01:14:47.400
But also he's so mature and sweet and kind and pure.

1179
01:14:47.400 --> 01:14:51.680
I'm almost like taken back, like, uh-oh,

1180
01:14:51.680 --> 01:14:54.000
you might need to go date people, but I'm not his coach.

1181
01:14:54.000 --> 01:14:55.000
That's not my role, right?

1182
01:14:55.000 --> 01:14:57.800
My role is to just go on dates and I'm fine.

1183
01:14:57.800 --> 01:15:00.320
But I'm like, is that right?

1184
01:15:05.760 --> 01:15:13.200
unsure and insecure about like going out with a guy I normally wouldn't. But it must, it's

1185
01:15:13.200 --> 01:15:20.880
probably good. But I'm like, I now the guys, you the guys you've gone out with in the past,

1186
01:15:20.880 --> 01:15:25.160
you haven't married them, you're not married, right? No, not married and never married.

1187
01:15:25.160 --> 01:15:29.720
So here's the question again. So here's the question again. The guys you've gone out in

1188
01:15:29.720 --> 01:15:36.840
the past with you, not married, are you? No, no, no. So how is it going to be a problem

1189
01:15:36.840 --> 01:15:41.000
for you to date a type you never dated before? Because the type you dated never served you

1190
01:15:41.000 --> 01:15:46.920
with? I guess I'm just scared because I don't know. I'm scared. Let that sink in. Let this

1191
01:15:46.920 --> 01:15:52.120
sink in. Yeah, okay. So do I actually, maybe I have a shot here because it's, he's different.

1192
01:15:53.080 --> 01:15:57.720
Well, what it is, is not whether you have a shot or not, because that's not your concern right now.

1193
01:15:57.720 --> 01:16:04.200
But what is the issue is that you don't compare someone to something in the past,

1194
01:16:04.200 --> 01:16:11.560
you just met a new person and you have to see him as a person. Oh, wow. He's just, he's a person.

1195
01:16:11.560 --> 01:16:21.240
That's it. Just he's a new person. Just go out. He's not, he's not his money. He's not a future he

1196
01:16:21.240 --> 01:16:26.040
could give you or you could have with him. He's none of those things. He's a person.

1197
01:16:26.040 --> 01:16:34.840
That's good. Wow. I've been comparing already in my hide.

1198
01:16:34.840 --> 01:16:41.560
Well, that's, that's a part of the things that we learn to let shed off of us.

1199
01:16:41.560 --> 01:16:49.800
So the ideas or the concepts that we have about what somebody has to be, what they have to have,

1200
01:16:49.800 --> 01:16:54.920
that's not really heaven's measurement. And so when God made woman,

1201
01:16:54.920 --> 01:17:01.160
the Bible says he made her as a helper. That word is called esar, a life giving source to her

1202
01:17:01.160 --> 01:17:09.480
husband. It's the same word used for Holy Spirit, the helper. And so the equation that you have

1203
01:17:09.480 --> 01:17:14.120
that we adopted from the world system is somebody must have a certain amount of money to sit at a

1204
01:17:14.120 --> 01:17:19.720
table with me, but that's not heaven's way of doing things. No, it's not. And so when we partner

1205
01:17:19.720 --> 01:17:23.640
with the Lord, you'd be amazed at the things we consider that he does not consider.

1206
01:17:23.640 --> 01:17:32.840
And so he partners us very differently. He thinks about the reflection of a marriage being that of

1207
01:17:32.840 --> 01:17:41.320
the brad, us, the brad, Christ, right? And so right then when we have these other thoughts about how

1208
01:17:41.320 --> 01:17:46.520
we want to set things up and how a person must be, it, I really kind of sits our feet on a, on a

1209
01:17:46.520 --> 01:17:51.080
not so good track because we start to measure people and we don't see them as they are,

1210
01:17:51.080 --> 01:17:57.000
but we measure them by the things that we put in place. It's kind of like when Samuel went to a

1211
01:17:57.000 --> 01:18:02.840
not anoint one of Jesse's sons and he kept picking, he's like, "I surely this is the one. Surely,

1212
01:18:02.840 --> 01:18:07.320
surely this is the one." They say it was beautiful. He was there. Surely this is the one. He went

1213
01:18:07.320 --> 01:18:13.160
through seven of Jesse's sons and the Lord told him not one of those were the one. And he says,

1214
01:18:13.160 --> 01:18:18.600
"You, you judge by outer appearance, but either Lord judge the heart of me."

1215
01:18:18.600 --> 01:18:25.480
And so a lot of times we judge by our appearance, we judge by all these things, but the Lord judges

1216
01:18:25.480 --> 01:18:34.600
a man's heart to determine his ability to be prepared for a brad because money can be gained

1217
01:18:34.600 --> 01:18:40.440
and money will be lost. It goes both ways. And even if you marry someone who was financially

1218
01:18:40.440 --> 01:18:44.440
wonderful today, if you married them in a month, they had an accident and they could never make

1219
01:18:44.440 --> 01:18:51.720
money again. It never really mattered anyway. It didn't. But wow. So some of the things that

1220
01:18:51.720 --> 01:18:57.720
become now your non-negotiables are, are they committed to righteousness? Are they integral

1221
01:18:57.720 --> 01:19:03.160
through their care integrity? What does their carer to look like? Or do they have a teachable heart?

1222
01:19:03.720 --> 01:19:10.680
If I know that I'm an entrepreneur, I want to know, do they have any, do they have the ability to

1223
01:19:10.680 --> 01:19:17.800
make money? Not potential, but do they have active ideas that if their job, they didn't get to do

1224
01:19:17.800 --> 01:19:21.720
their job tomorrow, can I bank on them sitting at the computer and coming up with a way to bring

1225
01:19:21.720 --> 01:19:26.200
some income in? Or would this man go work at Wendy's? Whatever he has to do to take care of his family

1226
01:19:26.200 --> 01:19:30.680
because this man does what he has to do to take care of his family. See now, that right there,

1227
01:19:30.680 --> 01:19:34.760
that's a different kind of man. That man will go change a tie to take care of his family.

1228
01:19:34.760 --> 01:19:42.600
That man will say, I'll do whatever it takes. So is he a do whatever it takes me? Is he a worker? Is he

1229
01:19:42.600 --> 01:19:47.240
committed to the family, into building family? And what does building a family looks like?

1230
01:19:47.240 --> 01:19:53.800
And so right now, you don't have to explore all these things about this person because he's just a

1231
01:19:53.800 --> 01:19:59.800
person that you want to get to know as a person. Not what everybody thinks about him,

1232
01:20:03.040 --> 01:20:06.760
'Cause those things don't tell you about him.

1233
01:20:06.760 --> 01:20:09.280
You're gonna have to experience him to know him.

1234
01:20:09.280 --> 01:20:13.360
And so I think you should get really excited

1235
01:20:13.360 --> 01:20:14.920
to go on your date with him.

1236
01:20:14.920 --> 01:20:18.560
He did come with a really good, strong references.

1237
01:20:18.560 --> 01:20:19.560
- So good.

1238
01:20:19.560 --> 01:20:22.000
- They're nice, but I encourage you,

1239
01:20:22.000 --> 01:20:25.360
I encourage you not to fantasize over his references

1240
01:20:25.360 --> 01:20:28.560
and not to put yourself somewhere where you are not.

1241
01:20:28.560 --> 01:20:29.400
- Yeah.

1242
01:20:29.400 --> 01:20:32.520
This is where you are, you're gonna get to know him

1243
01:20:32.520 --> 01:20:36.600
and have no expectations but to show up as fully yourself

1244
01:20:36.600 --> 01:20:37.960
so that he can know you.

1245
01:20:37.960 --> 01:20:40.840
- Beautiful.

1246
01:20:40.840 --> 01:20:41.680
- Yeah.

1247
01:20:41.680 --> 01:20:44.080
- Yeah, thank you, thank you so much.

1248
01:20:44.080 --> 01:20:45.560
I'm so excited. - We're so excited.

1249
01:20:45.560 --> 01:20:47.200
Post about it, we wanna know.

1250
01:20:47.200 --> 01:20:48.560
- Okay, I'm gonna let y'all know.

1251
01:20:48.560 --> 01:20:49.400
It's gonna be a day.

1252
01:20:49.400 --> 01:20:50.380
(laughing)

1253
01:20:50.380 --> 01:20:52.400
- Daniela, what did you live?

1254
01:20:52.400 --> 01:20:54.400
- I've been since in Adi Ohio.

1255
01:20:54.400 --> 01:20:57.800
- Oh, you sound kinda Texas.

1256
01:20:57.800 --> 01:20:59.120
- Thank you.

1257
01:20:59.120 --> 01:21:00.120
(laughing)

1258
01:21:00.120 --> 01:21:03.800
- I get mistaken, I'm not at the average Ohio in,

1259
01:21:03.800 --> 01:21:06.080
but yeah, I've lived all over the world, so.

1260
01:21:06.080 --> 01:21:07.040
- Oh, okay.

1261
01:21:07.040 --> 01:21:08.440
- Yeah, I came back.

1262
01:21:08.440 --> 01:21:09.280
- Gotcha.

1263
01:21:09.280 --> 01:21:10.120
- Yeah.

1264
01:21:10.120 --> 01:21:11.880
- Good, okay, we're excited.

1265
01:21:11.880 --> 01:21:12.960
- Aw, thanks everyone.

1266
01:21:12.960 --> 01:21:15.040
It's so good to be here and see some of you

1267
01:21:15.040 --> 01:21:18.560
that I've seen on the prayer calls, so, this is cool.

1268
01:21:18.560 --> 01:21:20.840
Thank you so much, Abinee, I took a lot of notes.

1269
01:21:20.840 --> 01:21:23.160
- Good, you're welcome, we're excited.

1270
01:21:23.160 --> 01:21:26.760
Crystal, you changed your mind?

1271
01:21:26.760 --> 01:21:28.520
We got like eight minutes.

1272
01:21:28.520 --> 01:21:30.880
- Yeah, I didn't know where we were on time.

1273
01:21:30.880 --> 01:21:35.880
Okay, so I jumped back in, started the dating apps,

1274
01:21:35.880 --> 01:21:38.880
and I guess before when I started the dating apps,

1275
01:21:38.880 --> 01:21:41.720
I was, it was really kind of like,

1276
01:21:41.720 --> 01:21:44.240
almost like a point of desperation, like,

1277
01:21:44.240 --> 01:21:47.760
and also to kind of this goal of seven dates and,

1278
01:21:47.760 --> 01:21:49.800
and then I went on, I had that,

1279
01:21:49.800 --> 01:21:51.520
I think I told that experience with that guy

1280
01:21:51.520 --> 01:21:54.400
was just so nasty on that email.

1281
01:21:54.400 --> 01:21:57.960
And then, I went on one day and I was like,

1282
01:21:57.960 --> 01:22:00.160
oh gosh, I don't wanna do this.

1283
01:22:00.160 --> 01:22:04.040
And then, so I got back on, and this time,

1284
01:22:04.040 --> 01:22:07.160
it feels like just this deluge of attention.

1285
01:22:07.160 --> 01:22:10.960
Now, half of them, about 50% of them look like criminals,

1286
01:22:10.960 --> 01:22:14.040
and then there's the percent, you know, that are like,

1287
01:22:14.040 --> 01:22:16.000
no, I don't wanna see all your fish,

1288
01:22:16.000 --> 01:22:20.000
I don't wanna see your boat, I don't wanna see your chest.

1289
01:22:20.000 --> 01:22:23.520
I'm just like, this could be a comedy material

1290
01:22:23.520 --> 01:22:25.320
for you, Ebony, I'm telling you right now.

1291
01:22:25.320 --> 01:22:27.920
- I know, the chest pictures, they just,

1292
01:22:27.920 --> 01:22:29.960
oh, I do not like when me and taking pictures,

1293
01:22:29.960 --> 01:22:33.040
laying in the bed, oh, are you serious?

1294
01:22:33.040 --> 01:22:35.480
Like, bruh, I be wanna imagine just say,

1295
01:22:35.480 --> 01:22:38.200
take this foolishness after this site.

1296
01:22:38.200 --> 01:22:41.080
- Well, believe me, I've been tempted to say some things,

1297
01:22:41.080 --> 01:22:44.160
but you know again, not my responsibility,

1298
01:22:44.160 --> 01:22:45.520
I'm not here to coach them.

1299
01:22:45.520 --> 01:22:50.480
But I'm finding, like, I'm torn.

1300
01:22:50.480 --> 01:22:53.120
I'm actually at a place where it's like,

1301
01:22:53.120 --> 01:22:55.480
there's this desire to wanna be married,

1302
01:22:55.480 --> 01:22:58.440
but the process and the whole discovery dating thing,

1303
01:22:58.440 --> 01:23:03.440
like, I go deep quick, I can go deep in a sentence.

1304
01:23:03.440 --> 01:23:08.440
So it's like, how do I keep it fluffy?

1305
01:23:08.440 --> 01:23:12.720
Like, right off the bat, this guy responded to me

1306
01:23:12.720 --> 01:23:16.000
this evening, he goes, there was a lot of flattery,

1307
01:23:16.000 --> 01:23:21.000
and then it was, so tell me about your faith.

1308
01:23:21.440 --> 01:23:25.200
And I thought, oh, I could go really deep quick with you, buddy.

1309
01:23:25.200 --> 01:23:28.760
And, but now I'm like, how do I keep it light and airy?

1310
01:23:28.760 --> 01:23:33.760
And I don't, yeah, I don't,

1311
01:23:33.760 --> 01:23:37.480
I don't wanna do what I've done before in the past,

1312
01:23:37.480 --> 01:23:40.480
which is I can go deep, kinda pick it through,

1313
01:23:40.480 --> 01:23:43.440
almost like what you said about the rules

1314
01:23:43.440 --> 01:23:46.880
of self-protection, I'm like, okay, I know I don't wanna do that.

1315
01:23:46.880 --> 01:23:49.720
How do I navigate this new journey?

1316
01:23:49.720 --> 01:23:52.800
And then another part of me is like,

1317
01:23:52.800 --> 01:23:54.400
God, do I wanna be married?

1318
01:23:54.400 --> 01:23:58.960
So sometimes I feel a little schizophrenic, you know?

1319
01:23:58.960 --> 01:24:06.880
- Well, you know, you don't have to do online dating.

1320
01:24:06.880 --> 01:24:08.200
I know you know that.

1321
01:24:08.200 --> 01:24:11.240
- No, I didn't, well, you know,

1322
01:24:11.240 --> 01:24:16.240
'cause meeting men, where I haven't, you know,

1323
01:24:16.240 --> 01:24:17.840
I've gone to different circles.

1324
01:24:17.840 --> 01:24:21.240
I haven't met anybody, so I was like, okay,

1325
01:24:21.240 --> 01:24:25.200
we'll do this online dating thing again, but it's just,

1326
01:24:25.200 --> 01:24:27.280
again, all the sudden I'm getting a sea of people

1327
01:24:27.280 --> 01:24:30.200
and I'm like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.

1328
01:24:30.200 --> 01:24:33.440
And then some of them, I'm just like,

1329
01:24:33.440 --> 01:24:35.600
could you shave?

1330
01:24:35.600 --> 01:24:37.480
I mean, could you brush your teeth?

1331
01:24:37.480 --> 01:24:39.160
You know, I'm just like, really?

1332
01:24:39.160 --> 01:24:43.960
You know, do you expect the girl?

1333
01:24:43.960 --> 01:24:45.800
I mean, just some of it is just,

1334
01:24:45.800 --> 01:24:48.440
and then just trying to read through, like,

1335
01:24:48.440 --> 01:24:53.760
who's real and, you know, like,

1336
01:24:53.760 --> 01:24:55.080
I am a Jesus lover.

1337
01:24:55.080 --> 01:24:58.560
I, you know, one guy, I was getting,

1338
01:24:58.560 --> 01:25:00.040
how I responded back to him.

1339
01:25:04.000 --> 01:25:06.400
I don't like a smoker.

1340
01:25:06.400 --> 01:25:11.600
You know, like you have to look through everything.

1341
01:25:11.600 --> 01:25:14.100
I know they think that you're a cuter for tutoring.

1342
01:25:14.100 --> 01:25:16.500
And even the ones who don't brush their teeth.

1343
01:25:16.500 --> 01:25:21.700
Thank you, and they like you and they thank you pretty.

1344
01:25:21.700 --> 01:25:24.300
And so that's what I think you should think about them.

1345
01:25:24.300 --> 01:25:28.600
When you get an implicit, wow, I knew I look good,

1346
01:25:28.600 --> 01:25:30.200
but I didn't know I looked this good.

1347
01:25:30.200 --> 01:25:31.700
All the men want me.

1348
01:25:31.700 --> 01:25:35.400
All right, so 50% of them look like criminals.

1349
01:25:35.400 --> 01:25:38.600
So, you know, it's like, oh, what does that mean?

1350
01:25:38.600 --> 01:25:40.400
They know beauty when they see it.

1351
01:25:40.400 --> 01:25:41.600
Well, thank you.

1352
01:25:41.600 --> 01:25:42.600
Thank you.

1353
01:25:42.600 --> 01:25:43.400
Yeah.

1354
01:25:43.400 --> 01:25:45.200
And so that's how you process this.

1355
01:25:45.200 --> 01:25:50.000
So don't feel offended because they saw your profile and liked you.

1356
01:25:50.000 --> 01:25:52.000
Now, are they your type?

1357
01:25:52.000 --> 01:25:53.800
No, and that's okay.

1358
01:25:53.800 --> 01:25:57.100
But I don't want you to feel offended like this is what I'm attracting.

1359
01:25:57.100 --> 01:25:58.300
Well, they're human being.

1360
01:25:58.300 --> 01:25:59.600
They're looking for love.

1361
01:25:59.600 --> 01:26:01.100
They looking for some love.

1362
01:26:01.100 --> 01:26:02.500
They're looking for sex.

1363
01:26:02.500 --> 01:26:04.300
They look for some and they pick you.

1364
01:26:04.300 --> 01:26:05.900
I don't know.

1365
01:26:05.900 --> 01:26:11.700
That was their choice, but them choosing you is no reflection of who you are.

1366
01:26:11.700 --> 01:26:13.900
Yeah, right.

1367
01:26:13.900 --> 01:26:16.900
And so your standard reflects who you are.

1368
01:26:16.900 --> 01:26:17.900
And you have to remember that.

1369
01:26:17.900 --> 01:26:21.500
And I really do want you ladies to think that sometimes we'll get offended

1370
01:26:21.500 --> 01:26:26.000
by the men that click on us and be like, you'll take it like it's saying

1371
01:26:26.000 --> 01:26:31.400
something about you, but it should say to you, this man saw a pretty lady

1372
01:26:31.400 --> 01:26:33.600
and she looked so good.

1373
01:26:33.600 --> 01:26:37.800
He said, I'm going to go for it and he didn't mind getting shot down because

1374
01:26:37.800 --> 01:26:42.200
this was about to happen, but he saw a pretty lady.

1375
01:26:42.200 --> 01:26:45.900
And, you know, oftentimes when somebody tell me, oh, you're so pretty.

1376
01:26:45.900 --> 01:26:48.700
I will say thank you back, but it'll match you sometimes.

1377
01:26:48.700 --> 01:26:52.200
Then on the epium, if you say something back, so I can't say anything back.

1378
01:26:52.500 --> 01:26:58.400
And so I understand and I understand the bipolarism that you explain about.

1379
01:26:58.400 --> 01:27:00.300
Do I even want this?

1380
01:27:00.300 --> 01:27:02.300
You know, so that is understandable.

1381
01:27:02.300 --> 01:27:09.600
And also not Laura are, but the other Laura said that she agrees with you

1382
01:27:09.600 --> 01:27:10.100
on that.

1383
01:27:10.100 --> 01:27:11.400
She feels like that too.

1384
01:27:11.400 --> 01:27:15.200
Not that Laura Karen Karen agrees with you on that also.

1385
01:27:15.200 --> 01:27:20.400
And so what I want to say to you is take a break.

1386
01:27:21.200 --> 01:27:23.100
And when you feel like it, get back in there.

1387
01:27:23.100 --> 01:27:25.700
And if you don't feel like it, don't get back in there.

1388
01:27:25.700 --> 01:27:29.600
Well, a break always helps and it helps the algorithm too.

1389
01:27:29.600 --> 01:27:35.300
And so if you stay up for a little while and you come back, you'll get.

1390
01:27:35.300 --> 01:27:37.800
They'll push us your profile out more.

1391
01:27:37.800 --> 01:27:40.900
I got to say, I just got on.

1392
01:27:40.900 --> 01:27:42.500
I just got on two days ago.

1393
01:27:42.500 --> 01:27:48.000
That's why I was just like trying to weed through and, you know,

1394
01:27:48.000 --> 01:27:51.400
who's real who's not that that that that that that that that.

1395
01:27:51.400 --> 01:27:53.300
When you said who's real who are you talking about?

1396
01:27:53.300 --> 01:27:59.200
Like if they're a yeah, no more so like, you know, what you put on there.

1397
01:27:59.200 --> 01:28:01.300
Is this who you are?

1398
01:28:01.300 --> 01:28:06.600
You know, people say, oh, I'm a follower of Jesus or I'm.

1399
01:28:06.600 --> 01:28:12.400
I think somebody commented about that earlier, you know, like, you know,

1400
01:28:12.400 --> 01:28:15.200
you just, I don't know, you feel like you have to weed through.

1401
01:28:16.900 --> 01:28:19.600
Is it the presentation or who are you really?

1402
01:28:19.600 --> 01:28:25.200
I'm going to give you guys a good way to process your expectations

1403
01:28:25.200 --> 01:28:27.400
about a person who says they're a believer.

1404
01:28:27.400 --> 01:28:32.900
I want you to remember that believers come in all maturity levels.

1405
01:28:32.900 --> 01:28:38.700
So just because I'm a believer likes to have sex doesn't mean that

1406
01:28:38.700 --> 01:28:39.700
they're not a believer.

1407
01:28:39.700 --> 01:28:44.400
It means they're a child that has yet to mature and they don't understand

1408
01:28:44.400 --> 01:28:48.800
that in this kingdom, this is not how the father operates and somewhere

1409
01:28:48.800 --> 01:28:52.900
they've not been taught or discipled and they believe that they can follow

1410
01:28:52.900 --> 01:28:56.900
their flesh and still believe they have an allegiance into this kingdom.

1411
01:28:56.900 --> 01:28:58.700
But it doesn't work that way.

1412
01:28:58.700 --> 01:29:04.600
And so it is very helpful to break believers down into categories

1413
01:29:04.600 --> 01:29:09.400
in in a sense and recognize their lack of maturity and then recognize

1414
01:29:09.400 --> 01:29:12.900
that these are areas that you've grown in and this is not something

1415
01:29:12.900 --> 01:29:14.400
you indulge in as a believer.

1416
01:29:14.400 --> 01:29:18.600
Instead of believing that when you say you're a believer with to do APCD,

1417
01:29:18.600 --> 01:29:23.800
all of us on our journey in Christ have done things at different stages

1418
01:29:23.800 --> 01:29:25.100
that we don't do now.

1419
01:29:25.100 --> 01:29:29.400
And so there was a time when I was a believer, either a leader and I believe

1420
01:29:29.400 --> 01:29:32.900
that I could make out and run around the pond as long as I didn't fall in.

1421
01:29:32.900 --> 01:29:37.600
There was a time when I was a believer as a leader and I had sex.

1422
01:29:37.600 --> 01:29:39.800
That's a real part of my life.

1423
01:29:40.200 --> 01:29:43.000
I was still in charge of lifting my hands for worship.

1424
01:29:43.000 --> 01:29:44.600
I'm not saying that it's right.

1425
01:29:44.600 --> 01:29:48.000
But I'm telling you that was a part of the journey.

1426
01:29:48.000 --> 01:29:51.500
I even had one of my other friends, my believers like a father to me.

1427
01:29:51.500 --> 01:29:53.800
He's like, that's not right.

1428
01:29:53.800 --> 01:29:54.400
What you're doing?

1429
01:29:54.400 --> 01:29:56.600
Like God is not pleased with you.

1430
01:29:56.600 --> 01:29:59.800
Like all this heavy kissing, all this heavy touching.

1431
01:30:03.000 --> 01:30:04.400
I was immature.

1432
01:30:04.400 --> 01:30:07.400
I wasn't developed as a believer.

1433
01:30:07.400 --> 01:30:09.000
I didn't understand the word.

1434
01:30:09.000 --> 01:30:11.560
It hadn't taken root in my heart.

1435
01:30:11.560 --> 01:30:13.760
And so I found myself in those spaces

1436
01:30:13.760 --> 01:30:18.640
and giving way and bit bowing down to perversion, right?

1437
01:30:18.640 --> 01:30:22.040
And so now that I've grown into another place

1438
01:30:22.040 --> 01:30:23.680
and I understand better,

1439
01:30:23.680 --> 01:30:28.440
that's not who I am anymore.

1440
01:30:28.440 --> 01:30:31.080
And so I look at me and that I made date

1441
01:30:31.080 --> 01:30:33.200
and they may think it's okay.

1442
01:30:33.200 --> 01:30:37.520
And with my mind, I understand that they need to grow.

1443
01:30:37.520 --> 01:30:39.520
They haven't matured.

1444
01:30:39.520 --> 01:30:42.880
And so it is easier for me

1445
01:30:42.880 --> 01:30:47.080
when you process people in this way.

1446
01:30:47.080 --> 01:30:48.840
So you don't feel like I got a way through

1447
01:30:48.840 --> 01:30:49.920
every believer in finding out

1448
01:30:49.920 --> 01:30:51.480
they really who they say they are.

1449
01:30:51.480 --> 01:30:53.000
You don't have to do that.

1450
01:30:53.000 --> 01:30:56.560
Because whoever we are and wherever we are in Christ,

1451
01:30:56.560 --> 01:30:59.720
it's gonna show up if you fly high enough.

1452
01:30:59.720 --> 01:31:01.120
So what do I mean by that?

1453
01:31:01.120 --> 01:31:05.440
It's sad that when a crow attacks an ego

1454
01:31:05.440 --> 01:31:06.920
that it gets on the back of his head

1455
01:31:06.920 --> 01:31:09.840
and it keeps pecking, pecking, pecking, pecking, pecking

1456
01:31:09.840 --> 01:31:11.680
until it ultimately wins.

1457
01:31:11.680 --> 01:31:14.280
Well, the ego doesn't turn around and fight the crow.

1458
01:31:14.280 --> 01:31:15.920
It just flies higher

1459
01:31:15.920 --> 01:31:19.200
because there's an altitude in which the crow can't stay on

1460
01:31:19.200 --> 01:31:20.520
and it must fall out.

1461
01:31:20.520 --> 01:31:25.120
And so when we're dating, we hold to our standards.

1462
01:31:25.120 --> 01:31:26.800
We operate in wisdom

1463
01:31:26.800 --> 01:31:29.440
and we just keep flying higher and higher.

1464
01:31:29.440 --> 01:31:32.640
We don't be in the crow's wheel fall out.

1465
01:31:32.640 --> 01:31:35.000
So if you hold the dating loosely

1466
01:31:35.000 --> 01:31:37.960
and keep changing your altitude level,

1467
01:31:37.960 --> 01:31:39.680
the crow will fall out.

1468
01:31:39.680 --> 01:31:42.680
If you pace and take your time,

1469
01:31:42.680 --> 01:31:45.880
whoever someone is will show up

1470
01:31:45.880 --> 01:31:48.760
and you don't have to worry about it.

1471
01:31:48.760 --> 01:31:51.040
And so the only thing you must be concerned with now

1472
01:31:51.040 --> 01:31:54.200
is holding things loosely and join the journey

1473
01:31:54.200 --> 01:31:56.840
in leaving the certainty to God

1474
01:31:56.840 --> 01:32:01.440
and making sure that you operate within the guard rails

1475
01:32:01.440 --> 01:32:06.520
of wisdom because it's gonna cost you time

1476
01:32:06.520 --> 01:32:08.400
but it doesn't have to cost you everything

1477
01:32:08.400 --> 01:32:10.800
and you can make good of the time that you have.

1478
01:32:10.800 --> 01:32:15.160
You can make really good of the time that you have

1479
01:32:15.160 --> 01:32:17.360
while you're getting to know a person.

1480
01:32:17.360 --> 01:32:19.200
Don't let a moment be lost.

1481
01:32:19.200 --> 01:32:20.560
Laugh a lot.

1482
01:32:20.560 --> 01:32:21.640
Have fun.

1483
01:32:21.640 --> 01:32:24.400
'Cause guess what, next month he may not be there no more.

1484
01:32:24.400 --> 01:32:26.440
So go all in.

1485
01:32:26.440 --> 01:32:28.800
In two weeks you may find that we ain't going

1486
01:32:28.800 --> 01:32:30.800
no further, Joker.

1487
01:32:30.800 --> 01:32:31.880
Right.

1488
01:32:31.880 --> 01:32:34.120
So you understand why, Krista, I want you to relieve,

1489
01:32:34.120 --> 01:32:36.400
all your ladies, relieve yourself with this idea

1490
01:32:36.400 --> 01:32:37.400
that you have to do.

1491
01:32:37.400 --> 01:32:38.920
So I want you to do is pace yourself

1492
01:32:38.920 --> 01:32:40.960
and be observant and have,

1493
01:32:40.960 --> 01:32:43.160
and be you.

1494
01:32:43.160 --> 01:32:44.000
Be you.

1495
01:32:44.000 --> 01:32:47.360
- Thank you, Ebony.

1496
01:32:47.360 --> 01:32:48.360
And I'm serious.

1497
01:32:48.360 --> 01:32:51.160
I think you need to do a comedy routine

1498
01:32:51.160 --> 01:32:52.880
and you need to do it on dating apps.

1499
01:32:52.880 --> 01:32:55.000
It would just be so hysterical.

1500
01:32:55.000 --> 01:32:58.240
I think you pray about it.

1501
01:32:58.240 --> 01:32:59.400
I'm serious.

1502
01:32:59.400 --> 01:33:00.920
I think you need to pray about it.

1503
01:33:00.920 --> 01:33:02.200
- I need to pray about it.

1504
01:33:02.200 --> 01:33:03.720
- Yes.

1505
01:33:03.720 --> 01:33:06.760
- You need to take that safe of faith, sister.

1506
01:33:06.760 --> 01:33:10.080
- You know, some years ago,

1507
01:33:10.080 --> 01:33:11.480
I would have people come up to me and I said,

1508
01:33:11.480 --> 01:33:12.920
"Would you do a podcast with me?

1509
01:33:12.920 --> 01:33:14.000
"Would you do a podcast with me?

1510
01:33:14.000 --> 01:33:14.840
"Would you do a podcast?"

1511
01:33:14.840 --> 01:33:17.360
And I said, "God, I don't want to hear what I got to say."

1512
01:33:17.360 --> 01:33:18.720
And they would look at me and say,

1513
01:33:18.720 --> 01:33:20.480
"Are you crazy?

1514
01:33:20.480 --> 01:33:22.280
"You will be hilarious.

1515
01:33:22.280 --> 01:33:23.480
"You will be this.

1516
01:33:23.480 --> 01:33:24.560
"You will be that.

1517
01:33:24.560 --> 01:33:25.880
"Come do a podcast with me.

1518
01:33:25.880 --> 01:33:27.960
"Come do a podcast with me."

1519
01:33:27.960 --> 01:33:29.800
And so by you saying that,

1520
01:33:29.800 --> 01:33:31.160
I may not do a comedy one,

1521
01:33:31.160 --> 01:33:33.440
but I'm not gonna do the same thing I did

1522
01:33:33.440 --> 01:33:35.880
those years ago when many people,

1523
01:33:35.880 --> 01:33:38.840
interested enough, would beckon for me to come

1524
01:33:38.840 --> 01:33:41.480
and do podcasts with them.

1525
01:33:41.480 --> 01:33:45.040
And so I hear you, Crystal, and I receive it.

1526
01:33:45.040 --> 01:33:46.600
- Yeah, let me come do us in there,

1527
01:33:46.600 --> 01:33:49.040
but it won't be comedian. - Self up, sister.

1528
01:33:49.040 --> 01:33:50.040
- Say what now?

1529
01:33:50.040 --> 01:33:51.360
- I said, I'm gonna coach you a little,

1530
01:33:51.360 --> 01:33:52.800
open yourself up, sister,

1531
01:33:52.800 --> 01:33:56.580
because I just see you on a comedy platform.

1532
01:33:56.580 --> 01:33:59.040
Yeah.

1533
01:33:59.040 --> 01:34:02.920
- Well, I receive it.

1534
01:34:02.920 --> 01:34:07.840
Well, ladies, I hope that you've enjoyed tonight.

1535
01:34:07.840 --> 01:34:09.200
I think that we've learned a lot.

1536
01:34:09.200 --> 01:34:10.440
It's so good to see some of y'all

1537
01:34:10.440 --> 01:34:12.080
I haven't seen in a while.

1538
01:34:13.480 --> 01:34:16.440
Chariah and Edwards, even though you're there,

1539
01:34:16.440 --> 01:34:18.000
I haven't heard your voice in a while.

1540
01:34:18.000 --> 01:34:19.920
I've seen your picture, Sarah.

1541
01:34:19.920 --> 01:34:21.320
I hope that you're recovering well

1542
01:34:21.320 --> 01:34:23.760
and Amanda, so good to see you.

1543
01:34:23.760 --> 01:34:26.960
On Audrey and Roberta and Nancy and Shelley

1544
01:34:26.960 --> 01:34:28.120
and Chantelle and Chrissy.

1545
01:34:28.120 --> 01:34:29.560
You know, once I start calling one person,

1546
01:34:29.560 --> 01:34:30.680
I'm called everybody Lisa.

1547
01:34:30.680 --> 01:34:32.240
I saw your update and hey,

1548
01:34:32.240 --> 01:34:33.240
it's so good to see you.

1549
01:34:33.240 --> 01:34:35.400
Haley, you are so beautiful.

1550
01:34:35.400 --> 01:34:37.040
Do you make yourself look big?

1551
01:34:37.040 --> 01:34:39.920
Good to come on this camera, my lord.

1552
01:34:39.920 --> 01:34:42.680
You are a beautiful, beautiful woman.

1553
01:34:43.520 --> 01:34:45.360
Oh, you're welcome.

1554
01:34:45.360 --> 01:34:48.120
And so it has been a delight as always.

1555
01:34:48.120 --> 01:34:50.360
Stacy, is this your first time?

1556
01:34:50.360 --> 01:34:53.320
Stacy from Minnesota, did you tell me this was your first time?

1557
01:34:53.320 --> 01:34:56.440
- It is not my first time.

1558
01:34:56.440 --> 01:34:59.640
I've been here for a couple of weeks,

1559
01:35:02.440 --> 01:35:05.640
Oh, well, and I guess this time your face is in front of me

1560
01:35:05.640 --> 01:35:08.680
and not on the other page because I have to move it over.

1561
01:35:08.680 --> 01:35:14.320
Yes, I'm the one that messaged you in our last year single stuff

1562
01:35:14.320 --> 01:35:17.400
about the background checks.

1563
01:35:17.400 --> 01:35:21.280
Oh, for some reason, I was thinking--

1564
01:35:21.280 --> 01:35:24.720
maybe when else I kept thinking just while I was talking

1565
01:35:24.720 --> 01:35:27.600
about somebody who said they did background check,

1566
01:35:27.600 --> 01:35:29.040
whatever happened.

1567
01:35:29.040 --> 01:35:31.040
Oh, yeah, you said you had to do a background check

1568
01:35:31.040 --> 01:35:34.520
and because you feel like it was necessary to protect us

1569
01:35:34.520 --> 01:35:34.520
with it.

1570
01:35:34.520 --> 01:35:36.440
I've been times before meeting somebody

1571
01:35:36.440 --> 01:35:39.280
who will do a background check on them

1572
01:35:39.280 --> 01:35:43.440
just to kind of weed out like really naughty people,

1573
01:35:43.440 --> 01:35:46.480
kind of why waste my time.

1574
01:35:46.480 --> 01:35:49.880
Like, I'm talking big, bad, and ugly, but yes.

1575
01:35:49.880 --> 01:35:51.400
So I had mentioned it.

1576
01:35:51.400 --> 01:35:55.720
We have a couple of people, a small group

1577
01:35:55.720 --> 01:35:58.440
in the area that I live that are part of this program.

1578
01:35:58.440 --> 01:36:00.640
And I had mentioned it to one of the gals,

1579
01:36:00.640 --> 01:36:06.640
and she was like, oh, no, what you are doing is rude.

1580
01:36:06.640 --> 01:36:08.560
And I thought, well, I'm taking it to the group,

1581
01:36:08.560 --> 01:36:11.080
and I'm going to ask.

1582
01:36:11.080 --> 01:36:16.280
So I have a unique perspective about that though.

1583
01:36:16.280 --> 01:36:18.240
Do you want to know what it is?

1584
01:36:18.240 --> 01:36:19.360
Sure.

1585
01:36:19.360 --> 01:36:23.840
I first did Modern Dating Sucks with Jackie.

1586
01:36:23.840 --> 01:36:26.640
And one of the things, if you looked at the scripts

1587
01:36:26.640 --> 01:36:31.400
we say in our head, I forgot what the name of it was,

1588
01:36:31.400 --> 01:36:36.280
but it was basically that God will deliver our spirit

1589
01:36:36.280 --> 01:36:37.600
made to our door.

1590
01:36:37.600 --> 01:36:39.080
So we don't have to do any work.

1591
01:36:39.080 --> 01:36:42.440
We just kind of sit back and wait, right?

1592
01:36:42.440 --> 01:36:44.880
And that was one of the scripts that people run.

1593
01:36:44.880 --> 01:36:49.240
And I kind of view, like, well, with that,

1594
01:36:49.240 --> 01:36:51.880
I mean, we trust in God, and we know

1595
01:36:51.880 --> 01:36:53.320
that he's going to provide for us,

1596
01:36:53.320 --> 01:36:56.800
but we have to do our part, too, right?

1597
01:36:56.800 --> 01:37:02.240
So I equate that very much to a background check

1598
01:37:02.240 --> 01:37:06.120
is doing my part of the tools that are at my hands

1599
01:37:06.120 --> 01:37:12.760
and my fingertips to help weed out those

1600
01:37:12.760 --> 01:37:14.280
with really bad character.

1601
01:37:14.280 --> 01:37:16.480
I mean, is that so wrong?

1602
01:37:16.480 --> 01:37:17.680
Stay safe.

1603
01:37:17.680 --> 01:37:19.280
Yeah, I'll tell you.

1604
01:37:19.280 --> 01:37:20.720
I told you it was a protection,

1605
01:37:20.720 --> 01:37:24.640
making this as protection response, right?

1606
01:37:24.640 --> 01:37:27.120
Yep, you asked me to kind of dive into it

1607
01:37:27.120 --> 01:37:30.440
and see if it was a fear-based, if it was like,

1608
01:37:30.440 --> 01:37:33.680
if there was something that was driving that.

1609
01:37:33.680 --> 01:37:37.320
And I mean, I don't really think that it is.

1610
01:37:37.320 --> 01:37:38.920
No, Crystal.

1611
01:37:38.920 --> 01:37:41.160
Sorry, Crystal said you just gave her new tools.

1612
01:37:41.160 --> 01:37:43.440
She was going to sing you some names, but go ahead.

1613
01:37:43.440 --> 01:37:47.200
You don't know Crystal.

1614
01:37:47.200 --> 01:37:53.720
I just really kind of feel like I'm 52 years old, you know?

1615
01:37:53.720 --> 01:37:56.840
I don't have time to waste on people

1616
01:37:56.840 --> 01:37:59.080
that have really naughty stuff.

1617
01:37:59.080 --> 01:38:02.760
And I'm talking naughty stuff like offenses

1618
01:38:02.760 --> 01:38:06.400
against children or assaults or things like that.

1619
01:38:06.400 --> 01:38:09.080
I just want to move on to the next.

1620
01:38:09.080 --> 01:38:11.440
I realized that, you know, ladies,

1621
01:38:11.440 --> 01:38:14.400
you all can be definitely free to go.

1622
01:38:14.400 --> 01:38:19.920
I realized that, you know, where you know a person is--

1623
01:38:19.920 --> 01:38:24.040
what you do is you keep giving extreme examples.

1624
01:38:24.040 --> 01:38:26.000
One of the persons, the child offender,

1625
01:38:26.000 --> 01:38:27.840
when they're this, when they're this,

1626
01:38:27.840 --> 01:38:34.040
those are extreme examples of a person that you commit.

1627
01:38:34.040 --> 01:38:37.240
Those extreme examples for why your background is shaking people

1628
01:38:37.240 --> 01:38:41.640
because most people that you meet are not going to be like that.

1629
01:38:41.640 --> 01:38:45.840
But I know, but, states that at the end of the day,

1630
01:38:45.840 --> 01:38:49.360
the Lord uses dating as a tool to help you grow

1631
01:38:49.360 --> 01:38:53.800
and to help you trust him more and to become vulnerable.

1632
01:38:53.800 --> 01:38:57.840
And you need to stop it?

1633
01:38:57.840 --> 01:38:59.440
[LAUGHS]

1634
01:38:59.440 --> 01:39:00.840
Wait, I missed that last slide.

1635
01:39:00.840 --> 01:39:01.840
What did you just say?

1636
01:39:01.840 --> 01:39:03.680
You need to stop?

1637
01:39:03.680 --> 01:39:05.800
You need to stop that.

1638
01:39:05.800 --> 01:39:08.560
You need to stop that and take this journey.

1639
01:39:08.560 --> 01:39:10.240
I'm going to tell you something.

1640
01:39:10.240 --> 01:39:12.640
You ain't saying there's nothing new under the sun.

1641
01:39:12.640 --> 01:39:14.840
I used to background check people.

1642
01:39:14.840 --> 01:39:18.080
I have sat on dates with people and knew everything about them.

1643
01:39:18.080 --> 01:39:19.600
I knew their mother's name.

1644
01:39:19.600 --> 01:39:21.160
I knew their cousin's name.

1645
01:39:21.160 --> 01:39:22.440
I knew where they used to live.

1646
01:39:22.440 --> 01:39:23.560
I knew where they moved from.

1647
01:39:23.560 --> 01:39:27.880
And I used to have to make sure I didn't say things sitting with them.

1648
01:39:27.880 --> 01:39:29.640
But it's not right.

1649
01:39:29.640 --> 01:39:30.920
It's not-- I've done it.

1650
01:39:30.920 --> 01:39:33.040
I know what you're talking.

1651
01:39:33.040 --> 01:39:35.080
And I didn't even say because I want to protect myself.

1652
01:39:35.080 --> 01:39:37.240
I want to know who I was going out with.

1653
01:39:37.240 --> 01:39:41.640
But there is joy on the other side, Stacy.

1654
01:39:41.640 --> 01:39:44.280
And that joy is kind of walking with the Lord and trusting

1655
01:39:44.280 --> 01:39:47.880
him and getting to know people.

1656
01:39:47.880 --> 01:39:48.600
All right.

1657
01:39:48.600 --> 01:39:53.720
I will reluctantly agree to no longer a background check.

1658
01:39:53.720 --> 01:39:54.880
Are you serious?

1659
01:39:54.880 --> 01:39:56.120
I bet you better--

1660
01:39:56.120 --> 01:39:56.480
Yes, I am.

1661
01:39:56.480 --> 01:39:58.040
You're going to stop.

1662
01:39:58.040 --> 01:39:59.280
I'm going to go stop.

1663
01:40:11.040 --> 01:40:14.640
this is something that I say we're gonna go I always say the whole spirit tells me what

1664
01:40:14.640 --> 01:40:18.920
I know what I need to know when I need to know it I'm gonna give an example I was getting

1665
01:40:18.920 --> 01:40:23.160
to know this guy we had went out and he was like oh I'm not ready to leave let's go to

1666
01:40:23.160 --> 01:40:27.760
the moves I was like cool we went we had a good time I woke up the next morning and when

1667
01:40:27.760 --> 01:40:33.960
my eyes open the Lord says you don't even know him I said really this I just grabbed my

1668
01:40:33.960 --> 01:40:42.640
phone in Google Hill he had a murder charge yeah wow now I don't want to use this to push

1669
01:40:42.640 --> 01:40:49.880
you back that way but I'm trying to show you how how strategic the Holy Spirit is I never

1670
01:40:49.880 --> 01:40:56.160
got afraid of him I just called and asked him I was like hey I am I look I saw this about

1671
01:40:56.160 --> 01:41:02.320
you I looked it up I goop with it I was honest and I said can you tell me more about it I

1672
01:41:02.320 --> 01:41:05.640
didn't have any fear I didn't feel like I need to run I didn't feel like my life was

1673
01:41:05.640 --> 01:41:11.280
in danger and then he was like I don't like that you looked it up and found it out that

1674
01:41:11.280 --> 01:41:15.280
way but I will tell you what happened what I had already read you know the details of

1675
01:41:15.280 --> 01:41:20.120
what had happened and you know needless to say we stopped getting to know each other but

1676
01:41:20.120 --> 01:41:28.680
we weren't going far anyway but the Holy Spirit the Holy Spirit will say you don't know him

1677
01:41:28.680 --> 01:41:33.120
and he didn't say it out of fear huh the Holy Spirit intervened before you even knew the

1678
01:41:33.120 --> 01:41:39.280
info by it yeah I didn't even I just woke up I opened my eyes and the next morning I don't

1679
01:41:39.280 --> 01:41:44.000
know what I'm also thinking if I want to sleep in Holy Spirit say you don't even know him

1680
01:41:44.000 --> 01:41:49.880
and then I just googled his name and he came up but the Lord he really is our defender

1681
01:41:49.880 --> 01:41:55.000
he really does protect us and keep us and take care of us and one of the biggest things are

1682
01:41:55.000 --> 01:41:58.960
going to happen when you give that over is you're going to actually partner with the

1683
01:41:58.960 --> 01:42:03.320
Lord right now you're not partnering with the Lord there's something you change your mind

1684
01:42:03.320 --> 01:42:07.000
but I'm saying prior to changing your mind there was something in you that believe I

1685
01:42:07.000 --> 01:42:12.920
got to protect me and I got to take care of me and that's rooted in something and this

1686
01:42:12.920 --> 01:42:16.920
is an opportunity for you to walk with the Lord and take a journey with him and know that

1687
01:42:16.920 --> 01:42:21.400
he's going to do those things for you and if you've noticed something this off of course

1688
01:42:21.400 --> 01:42:25.160
operating with some we're not saying don't pay attention to wisdom but do you see what

1689
01:42:25.160 --> 01:42:29.280
I'm saying but I just gave you an example to let you know that the Lord the Holy Spirit

1690
01:42:29.280 --> 01:42:34.400
really the Lord really will tell you can I ask another kind of question to spin off

1691
01:42:34.400 --> 01:42:42.520
of that like in the modern dating sucks book club they had talked about different things

1692
01:42:42.520 --> 01:42:47.480
and in looking at part of somebody's character too is like their reputation in the community

1693
01:42:47.480 --> 01:42:51.960
right because somebody who has good fruits is going to have a good reputation in the community

1694
01:42:51.960 --> 01:42:59.400
so I again I will not background check anymore but what about kind of

1695
01:42:59.400 --> 01:43:08.920
asking people who I'm closer to if they know them if this is a you know good person what

1696
01:43:08.920 --> 01:43:13.640
kind of reputation that they have is that something that I should be doing or is that

1697
01:43:13.640 --> 01:43:20.840
pushing the limit to and I that's like not partnering with God I don't think it's something

1698
01:43:20.840 --> 01:43:24.600
the worry should is the strong word that you shouldn't be doing I think it's good when you

1699
01:43:24.600 --> 01:43:32.040
can date in community and somebody can vouch for persons character and the only you know I think

1700
01:43:32.040 --> 01:43:35.960
is wonderful you should ask you should that's the beautiful thing about dating community but I will

1701
01:43:35.960 --> 01:43:43.000
say this sometimes you have to hold that very loosely because inwardly you will say they check

1702
01:43:43.000 --> 01:43:49.720
your box based on what somebody said about them and you don't know them and that's where the issue

1703
01:43:49.720 --> 01:43:56.680
comes in it because you've already settled within yourself that there's something that somebody said

1704
01:43:56.680 --> 01:44:02.520
so the moment they'll go against what you define that thing that that person said about them is

1705
01:44:02.520 --> 01:44:08.200
you'll treat them as if they've done something to you you'll treat them as if they offended you

1706
01:44:08.200 --> 01:44:13.400
but you don't even know them you should be getting to know them but you've made a decision about

1707
01:44:13.400 --> 01:44:17.960
who they are based on what somebody else said so when they show up as them instead of you having

1708
01:44:17.960 --> 01:44:23.480
grace instead of you having mercy you treated as if it's offense or like they lied to you or they

1709
01:44:23.480 --> 01:44:30.280
betrayed you because in your heart you took what somebody else said and made it law and then that's

1710
01:44:30.280 --> 01:44:35.400
with that's a problem and so yeah should you inquire people who know them that's a wonderful

1711
01:44:35.400 --> 01:44:39.800
thing to do but should you hold it loosely and say thank you for letting me know that

1712
01:44:39.800 --> 01:44:45.720
and then get to know them for yourself not investing not be like okay I'm gonna see if they you are who

1713
01:44:45.720 --> 01:44:52.200
you say you are no hold that loosely and then take the pride journey of getting to know them okay

1714
01:44:52.200 --> 01:44:59.880
because that person usually doesn't know them romantically anyway wait said again oh

1715
01:45:03.180 --> 01:45:06.000
They don't know the attachment style that comes out of them.

1716
01:45:06.000 --> 01:45:08.220
They don't know how that person has learned love.

1717
01:45:08.220 --> 01:45:12.420
They don't know how this person shows up in relationship because they never been in a relationship with them.

1718
01:45:12.420 --> 01:45:14.780
It doesn't mean this person is going to show up in a bad way.

1719
01:45:14.780 --> 01:45:19.980
Even if they say he had a wife and his wife died and they were wonderful, he was so good.

1720
01:45:19.980 --> 01:45:22.400
They went inside that marriage.

1721
01:45:22.400 --> 01:45:23.840
Right.

1722
01:45:23.840 --> 01:45:24.340
Right.

1723
01:45:24.340 --> 01:45:27.780
And so you want to hold these things loose so you can get to know a person for yourself.

1724
01:45:27.780 --> 01:45:33.620
Not out of suspicion, out of his right to do.

1725
01:45:33.620 --> 01:45:34.620
Okay.

1726
01:45:34.620 --> 01:45:38.840
You know, it's a right thing to get to know a person for who they are.

1727
01:45:38.840 --> 01:45:39.860
Makes sense.

1728
01:45:39.860 --> 01:45:40.860
I love it.

1729
01:45:40.860 --> 01:45:41.860
All right, Stacey.

1730
01:45:41.860 --> 01:45:44.860
I'm so glad you stopped doing background checks.

1731
01:45:44.860 --> 01:45:46.020
Meet you.

1732
01:45:46.020 --> 01:45:47.460
All right, ladies.

1733
01:45:47.460 --> 01:45:48.460
You did.

1734
01:45:48.460 --> 01:45:50.460
How was the night?

1735
01:45:50.460 --> 01:45:51.460
I was so poor freedom.

1736
01:45:51.460 --> 01:45:52.460
Yeah.

1737
01:45:52.460 --> 01:45:53.460
It is free.

1738
01:45:53.460 --> 01:45:55.100
It is very, it is very free.

1739
01:45:55.100 --> 01:45:56.100
All right.

1740
01:45:56.100 --> 01:45:57.100
Good night.

1741
01:45:57.100 --> 01:45:58.100
Bye.

1742
01:45:58.100 --> 01:45:59.100
Thank you, Ebony.

1743
01:45:59.100 --> 01:46:00.100
Bye, Ebony.

1744
01:46:00.100 --> 01:46:01.100
Bye.

1745
01:46:01.100 --> 01:46:02.100
Bye, everybody.

1746
01:46:02.100 --> 01:46:03.100
Sweet dreams.