WEBVTT

1
00:00:08.400 --> 00:00:13.480
news is that we'll be referring back to this the entire time. So when we go into our outer

2
00:00:13.480 --> 00:00:17.600
work, so we've been doing our inner work, we're going to go into our outer work next.

3
00:00:17.600 --> 00:00:21.800
What does outer work look like? Outer work looks like, Hey, your insides looking pretty

4
00:00:21.800 --> 00:00:26.280
good. What does your outside look like? Is it reflecting the inside? Is it reflecting

5
00:00:26.280 --> 00:00:33.760
self care is reflecting that you are someone who is responsible, taking care of yourself.

6
00:00:33.760 --> 00:00:39.360
Outer work will involve an audit of different areas of your outer life, the life that other

7
00:00:39.360 --> 00:00:44.100
people see. And that will include your finances. That will include the way that you present

8
00:00:44.100 --> 00:00:49.760
yourself. Even before we get to the last modules, which are the dating modules, you're going

9
00:00:49.760 --> 00:00:54.240
to be preparing for that. For instance, I'm going to want to see your go to date outfits.

10
00:00:54.240 --> 00:00:59.680
Yeah, we're going to get really, we're going to get really involved with each other. All

11
00:00:59.680 --> 00:01:05.840
of you to save time for yourselves should have go to date outfits. You should, you should

12
00:01:05.840 --> 00:01:09.640
have, Hey, I know that I look really, really great in this. I feel great in this because

13
00:01:09.640 --> 00:01:14.400
when you're on a date, the last thing that you want to do is feel insecure or be fussing

14
00:01:14.400 --> 00:01:19.320
with yourself, fussing with a shirt that doesn't quite fit right or you ladies are like,

15
00:01:19.320 --> 00:01:25.200
is it too low cut? Is it not? I'm not sure. So your list kind of like, Hey, hi, you know,

16
00:01:25.200 --> 00:01:29.560
and all the different things, gentlemen, one gentleman, you know, not understanding whether

17
00:01:29.560 --> 00:01:34.400
or not is this, you know, is this flattering on me? Is this what a woman is looking for

18
00:01:34.400 --> 00:01:39.240
in a man? You know, every woman does like a sharp dress man. All right, I will say that

19
00:01:39.240 --> 00:01:43.160
doesn't mean you have to wear a three piece suit. So we're going to look at that like

20
00:01:43.160 --> 00:01:47.320
if it's a recreational date, what's your go to? If it's a lunch date, what's your go

21
00:01:47.320 --> 00:01:51.760
to? If it's a dinner date, like more casual, which you guys we shouldn't be going on any

22
00:01:51.760 --> 00:01:57.760
romantic expensive dates when we barely know the person, not a good idea. So let's leave

23
00:01:57.760 --> 00:02:02.240
that for later. So if it's a dinner date or an evening date, what's your go to? The weather

24
00:02:02.240 --> 00:02:09.160
is changing for a lot of you where a lot of you live. Is it winter yet? Audra. She lives

25
00:02:09.160 --> 00:02:15.560
way up in Washington is the snow flying yet it's already it's almost October. It's sweater

26
00:02:15.560 --> 00:02:21.360
weather, everybody. The weather weather. Okay, so what's your what do you what's your go

27
00:02:21.360 --> 00:02:27.300
to? Also, I'm going to be making suggestions. If you don't want them, you can opt out you

28
00:02:27.300 --> 00:02:33.360
can email us and say, Hey, you know, I'm I don't want these suggestions being made for

29
00:02:33.360 --> 00:02:38.400
those of you that have the more the one on one time, we can do it privately. But if you

30
00:02:38.400 --> 00:02:42.480
don't want me if you don't want suggestions being made in front of other people, my advice

31
00:02:42.480 --> 00:02:47.680
would be get over it. Okay. Because you're all here together, you're all in the same boat,

32
00:02:47.680 --> 00:02:51.320
you're all single ready to mingle and you want to put your best foot forward, but I will

33
00:02:51.320 --> 00:02:55.960
make suggestions on your colors. You know, what colors make you look like you're alive

34
00:02:55.960 --> 00:03:01.160
and what colors make you look like your dad or dying. Okay, colors are such a big thing.

35
00:03:01.160 --> 00:03:05.480
I never realized this before I used to make fun of my mother in law. I didn't make fun

36
00:03:05.480 --> 00:03:10.240
of her, but I will at least she didn't know I was making fun of her. How about that? Because

37
00:03:10.240 --> 00:03:14.800
she's from an older generation, but we would go shopping and I would just be looking at

38
00:03:14.800 --> 00:03:19.920
something and she'd be like, no, Jackie, that is not your color. You're a winter, you're

39
00:03:19.920 --> 00:03:25.200
a winter, you're a winter. I heard so often I'm a winter, you know, I'd pick up something

40
00:03:25.200 --> 00:03:30.880
or I'd wear something and she'd be like, not your best color, not your best color. She

41
00:03:30.880 --> 00:03:35.320
would always say this to me. And you know, I was like, okay, whatever, you know, you're

42
00:03:35.320 --> 00:03:41.440
from the Mary Kay generation, you know, they had the color swatches and all the different

43
00:03:41.440 --> 00:03:46.560
things. And I think it was color me beautiful or something, color my world or something that

44
00:03:46.560 --> 00:03:50.200
used to be really, really, really popular. Well, guess what? It's back. Does anybody

45
00:03:50.200 --> 00:03:57.000
remember glamour shots at them all? Or you could go in and my mom did that. And I remember

46
00:03:57.000 --> 00:04:00.880
they do your colors. They kind of did your colors there. And so that used to be a big

47
00:04:00.880 --> 00:04:04.880
thing. And guess what? That's coming back. And so we're even going to have someone come

48
00:04:04.880 --> 00:04:11.080
on who is a specialist in that, would everyone enjoy that? That won't be necessarily during

49
00:04:11.080 --> 00:04:14.920
one of these kind of coaching times, but it'll just be sort of a little bonus for people

50
00:04:14.920 --> 00:04:22.240
who want to find out virtually how in the world do I figure out my colors? Because it

51
00:04:22.240 --> 00:04:29.200
is worth doing. And you will feel more confident when you look more alive. And for those of

52
00:04:29.200 --> 00:04:34.360
you that are doing head shots or doing any kind of photos for your for your dating apps,

53
00:04:34.360 --> 00:04:39.960
this is imperative that you do those photos in your color family, because especially

54
00:04:39.960 --> 00:04:45.760
in photos, we look really washed out, drained, you know, exhausted. It makes you look more

55
00:04:45.760 --> 00:04:49.960
tired if you're not in your color family. You know, I like to wear black or wear black

56
00:04:49.960 --> 00:04:55.760
all the time. Who knew that black is not really my color or my non color, I guess?

57
00:04:55.760 --> 00:05:00.040
You know, I look better in a chocolate brown. I look better in a dark navy, you know,

58
00:05:05.400 --> 00:05:06.820
And that's what I do mostly.

59
00:05:06.820 --> 00:05:12.960
Um, my husband and I were on a trip and my husband's very organized and he

60
00:05:12.960 --> 00:05:18.240
unpacks me into the dressers in the, in the, anyone else used the dressers in the

61
00:05:18.240 --> 00:05:20.760
hotel room, you actually use the dressers and stuff.

62
00:05:20.760 --> 00:05:22.000
I don't do that.

63
00:05:22.000 --> 00:05:23.400
My husband does though.

64
00:05:23.400 --> 00:05:27.240
And he was unpacking me and he put all my stuff away in the drawers in this

65
00:05:27.240 --> 00:05:29.120
hotel that we were going to be in for like a week.

66
00:05:30.120 --> 00:05:31.760
And I just live off the suitcase.

67
00:05:31.760 --> 00:05:38.200
If it's me, but I came in the hotel room and my husband said, I put all your

68
00:05:38.200 --> 00:05:40.440
clothes away and I said, Oh, babe, thanks so much.

69
00:05:40.440 --> 00:05:43.200
And he opened the drawer and my husband is an amazing singer.

70
00:05:43.200 --> 00:05:48.200
And he opened the drawer and he said, Hello, darkness, my old friend.

71
00:05:48.200 --> 00:05:52.400
And then he closed it like the drawer was singing that because all of my clothes

72
00:05:52.400 --> 00:05:54.760
are black, they're all dark colored.

73
00:05:54.760 --> 00:05:56.440
So anyway, it was really funny.

74
00:05:57.080 --> 00:06:00.040
Anyway, just a little comedic relief to start us out.

75
00:06:00.040 --> 00:06:04.160
So that's some of the stuff that you have to look forward to in the outer work.

76
00:06:04.160 --> 00:06:08.240
And then of course, in the dating work, we're going to do all things dating.

77
00:06:08.240 --> 00:06:11.000
You're going to be on a little seven date challenge.

78
00:06:11.000 --> 00:06:13.280
It's going to start in the outer work.

79
00:06:13.280 --> 00:06:16.040
And then it's going to keep going through the rest of our time together.

80
00:06:16.040 --> 00:06:20.680
You guys, we are going almost up to Thanksgiving, almost up to the holidays

81
00:06:20.680 --> 00:06:21.680
together.

82
00:06:21.680 --> 00:06:23.440
And so it's going to be a good time.

83
00:06:23.440 --> 00:06:26.760
All right, I just want to let you guys know all that in case you were like,

84
00:06:26.760 --> 00:06:28.080
where is this going?

85
00:06:28.080 --> 00:06:29.680
That is where it's going.

86
00:06:29.680 --> 00:06:34.320
So I'm so proud of you guys, those of you that are posting, there's still so many of

87
00:06:34.320 --> 00:06:35.960
you that are anonymous in this group.

88
00:06:35.960 --> 00:06:38.960
You've not been posting in the group in the Facebook group.

89
00:06:38.960 --> 00:06:39.840
We don't know you.

90
00:06:39.840 --> 00:06:41.120
You're lurking in here.

91
00:06:41.120 --> 00:06:43.680
One of my main rules, no lurking.

92
00:06:43.680 --> 00:06:46.560
The same four of you are posting in the Facebook.

93
00:06:46.560 --> 00:06:50.360
Now, the people that are more of one on one package, I'm not worried about you

94
00:06:50.360 --> 00:06:55.640
because you have me, whether you like me or not, you're, you're with me in those

95
00:06:55.640 --> 00:06:58.320
one on one calls, you're with me in the Marco Polo, but the rest of you that are

96
00:06:58.320 --> 00:07:01.760
just in the intensive, that Facebook group is your lifeline.

97
00:07:01.760 --> 00:07:03.440
That is where I'm getting to know you.

98
00:07:03.440 --> 00:07:07.920
Yes, all of you will have one one on one call with me, which I will lay out what

99
00:07:07.920 --> 00:07:09.760
I saw in your questionnaire for you.

100
00:07:09.760 --> 00:07:13.960
And I will help you get out of your own way in that call.

101
00:07:13.960 --> 00:07:17.920
But in order to continue to follow up, you have to talk on these calls or you

102
00:07:17.920 --> 00:07:19.640
have to talk in the Facebook group.

103
00:07:19.640 --> 00:07:23.440
Otherwise, you're just in here as a spectator.

104
00:07:23.480 --> 00:07:26.320
And I really want to encourage you not to do that.

105
00:07:26.320 --> 00:07:30.360
And you might be like, well, you know, I'm not that good in groups.

106
00:07:30.360 --> 00:07:32.480
OK, I get it.

107
00:07:32.480 --> 00:07:36.200
But this is a time in your life where God wants you to come out of hiding.

108
00:07:36.200 --> 00:07:39.480
Audra has been with me for a minute.

109
00:07:39.480 --> 00:07:42.960
Otherwise, she would be probably just in here like a wallflower either.

110
00:07:42.960 --> 00:07:45.520
But she has really come out of her shell because shy is a lie.

111
00:07:45.520 --> 00:07:49.640
And some of you feel a little insecure.

112
00:07:49.640 --> 00:07:52.240
You feel a little afraid and we're only on week three.

113
00:07:52.240 --> 00:07:57.040
So I'm going to give you a pass, but by week five, six, seven, I expect

114
00:07:57.040 --> 00:07:58.720
everyone in here to be a yapper.

115
00:07:58.720 --> 00:08:02.680
OK, everyone in here has something to say, has something to share.

116
00:08:02.680 --> 00:08:04.480
Everyone's having breakthroughs.

117
00:08:04.480 --> 00:08:09.040
Nobody's sitting silently watching.

118
00:08:09.040 --> 00:08:14.960
OK, all right, if Dan can be in here with a whole room full of women, then

119
00:08:14.960 --> 00:08:18.320
certainly ladies, you can come out of your shell and share.

120
00:08:19.040 --> 00:08:21.840
There's only one boy in here.

121
00:08:21.840 --> 00:08:24.240
We're all going to be OK.

122
00:08:24.240 --> 00:08:25.640
All right.

123
00:08:25.640 --> 00:08:28.040
OK, all right.

124
00:08:28.040 --> 00:08:36.120
So let's talk about the behaviors that we have noticed that come from these

125
00:08:36.120 --> 00:08:36.679
counterfeits.

126
00:08:36.679 --> 00:08:40.559
I got a chance to speak in Austin last night at a women's networking event.

127
00:08:40.559 --> 00:08:45.040
And I talked about how your heart is your highest ROI.

128
00:08:45.560 --> 00:08:49.880
What you invest in your heart is going to be the best investment that you make

129
00:08:49.880 --> 00:08:50.680
in your life.

130
00:08:50.680 --> 00:08:54.600
And I talked about the trauma based identity.

131
00:08:54.600 --> 00:08:59.120
So the trauma that creates beliefs or lies that we're believing, that we're

132
00:08:59.120 --> 00:09:02.880
operating on, which create these alternate identities.

133
00:09:02.880 --> 00:09:08.160
And those identities have behaviors associated with them because behavior

134
00:09:08.160 --> 00:09:09.160
follows identity.

135
00:09:09.160 --> 00:09:13.640
And so they do things and those things have consequences.

136
00:09:14.280 --> 00:09:17.080
And so tonight we're really digging into what's the outcome?

137
00:09:17.080 --> 00:09:18.120
What are the consequences?

138
00:09:18.120 --> 00:09:18.800
What are the fruit?

139
00:09:18.800 --> 00:09:19.800
What are we noticing?

140
00:09:19.800 --> 00:09:25.400
Have we been noticing that we've lost a lot of friendships because as soon as

141
00:09:25.400 --> 00:09:29.200
someone is not doing what we think that they should be doing, we just kind of

142
00:09:29.200 --> 00:09:32.720
cut them off because we're like, Hey, you know what?

143
00:09:32.720 --> 00:09:36.720
Out of sight, out of mind, you don't want to be here.

144
00:09:36.720 --> 00:09:39.000
You're not here for my best day, my worst days.

145
00:09:39.000 --> 00:09:40.320
You can't be here for my best days.

146
00:09:40.320 --> 00:09:41.400
Like we don't give people.

147
00:09:41.400 --> 00:09:44.760
It's like more like one strike, you're out instead of three strikes, you're out.

148
00:09:44.760 --> 00:09:47.600
Are we noticing that?

149
00:09:47.600 --> 00:09:51.000
Are we noticing that we have a tendency to get offended really easily?

150
00:09:51.000 --> 00:09:54.000
Anyone, anyone get offended easily?

151
00:09:54.000 --> 00:09:56.080
Like you, you make it about yourself.

152
00:09:56.080 --> 00:09:59.560
You guys, this is a place to be very honest and truthful because we want

153
00:10:06.580 --> 00:10:10.580
you have a hard time getting back into any community because you find yourself being

154
00:10:10.580 --> 00:10:14.180
offended pretty easily by things that people are saying or doing there that have nothing

155
00:10:14.180 --> 00:10:18.860
to do with you. And no one has to admit to any of these things, but these are things.

156
00:10:18.860 --> 00:10:24.780
These are behavior patterns that we're looking for. Anyone's seen the behavior pattern of

157
00:10:24.780 --> 00:10:31.520
being a controller, controlling things, not being able to delegate things, not being able

158
00:10:31.520 --> 00:10:43.340
to let people help you, wanting certainty, needing certainty. Okay. All right. So this

159
00:10:43.340 --> 00:10:47.100
is where we're going to coach on tonight. Everyone, get your questions ready. I think

160
00:10:47.100 --> 00:10:50.900
that I answered all the questions that were in the Facebook group. I think that I saw

161
00:10:50.900 --> 00:10:57.060
them all and answered all of them or gave feedback on all of them. So let's talk about

162
00:10:57.060 --> 00:11:01.940
because remember, we're catching the counterfeit so that we can interrupt the self-sabotage,

163
00:11:01.940 --> 00:11:08.160
right? So we're starting to notice when we shift into these other identities because

164
00:11:08.160 --> 00:11:15.540
of stress, because of fear, and we want to catch them before they start the behaviors

165
00:11:15.540 --> 00:11:20.100
that give us the outcomes that we don't want. Before they go in the refrigerator and binge

166
00:11:20.100 --> 00:11:27.100
a bunch of food that we don't want to eat. And we fall off of our, our plan, our goals.

167
00:11:27.100 --> 00:11:34.660
Before they lay in bed because something happened at work and now they're going to self-punish

168
00:11:34.660 --> 00:11:39.500
by laying in bed and not going to the gym or not going, yeah, we self-punish ourselves

169
00:11:39.500 --> 00:11:43.940
because of what other people do. But that false identity, that victim identity will

170
00:11:43.940 --> 00:11:49.980
punish you. It's not going to punish the people. Just so you know, a victim identity, any form

171
00:11:49.980 --> 00:11:53.420
of it is always going to punish you with self-destructive behavior. Someone needs to hear

172
00:11:53.420 --> 00:11:58.500
that right now. It's always going to punish you with self-destructive behavior. It's

173
00:11:58.500 --> 00:12:03.180
always going to look at the porn. It's always going to eat the ding dongs in the fridge.

174
00:12:03.180 --> 00:12:06.500
It's always going to lay in the bed instead of going to the gym. It's always going to

175
00:12:06.500 --> 00:12:14.220
text the X. It's always going to self-sabotage you if you stay in any type of victim mindset.

176
00:12:14.220 --> 00:12:25.700
Okay? The only person that's going to continue to get victimized is you. So if you have some

177
00:12:25.700 --> 00:12:30.620
version of that and you're like, well, how would I know if I have it? If any of the behavior

178
00:12:30.620 --> 00:12:37.640
that I just described to you fits you, then you have a victim mentality. You have a victim

179
00:12:37.640 --> 00:12:45.460
mindset because you are hurting yourself because somewhere back somewhere in your life, someone

180
00:12:45.460 --> 00:12:55.740
hurt you and now you're continuing what they started. Okay? Let me get my chat up here because

181
00:12:55.740 --> 00:13:01.420
I don't see it and I have a feeling people are chatting in there. Chatting without me.

182
00:13:01.420 --> 00:13:10.780
Okay. All right. Theodore is like, I like control. I'm a micromanager. Body shape. Okay,

183
00:13:10.780 --> 00:13:14.460
back up there. Penny's saying, yes. Penny, we're so glad you're here. We were praying

184
00:13:14.460 --> 00:13:20.940
for you. Friends, I always tell you, you know, when you get involved in stuff like this,

185
00:13:20.940 --> 00:13:26.140
sometimes all hell will break loose. So watch out for that. But it's good. Oh, so I do want

186
00:13:26.140 --> 00:13:29.820
to go over a little bit of homework because there were some things that got posted that

187
00:13:29.820 --> 00:13:39.940
I think were really good. Who posted the disappearing ink? You posted your notebook. You were writing

188
00:13:39.940 --> 00:13:47.460
your identity stuff down. And then for whatever reason, part of it disappeared and you can't

189
00:13:47.460 --> 00:14:05.580
see it anymore. Is that person here? No. Isn't it you, Amber? Because like, I like control

190
00:14:05.580 --> 00:14:17.780
you guys, we all like control. True story in my first in my first, what's it called? In

191
00:14:17.780 --> 00:14:22.300
my first bride boot camp. That's what I called it at the beginning back in 2020. And it was

192
00:14:22.300 --> 00:14:28.140
only for women. We hadn't started the men's thing yet. In my first bride boot camp, all

193
00:14:28.140 --> 00:14:32.860
these women came in. It was an intensive like this. I hadn't done one of them before. So,

194
00:14:32.860 --> 00:14:37.580
you know, it was kind of like all no holds barred, right? And we were talking about control

195
00:14:37.580 --> 00:14:42.140
because the first module of hard work is also supernatural surrender. It's the same one as

196
00:14:42.140 --> 00:14:47.180
it's not the same one as this is this cohort. But for those of you that don't have done the

197
00:14:47.180 --> 00:14:52.140
hard work, you know what it is. Anyway, we're talking about this in this one woman like raises

198
00:14:52.140 --> 00:14:59.980
her hand and she's like, she's like, yeah, she's like, I just, I love

199
00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:12.400
to do it my way. And she's like, and that's why I like bondage. I like BDSM.

200
00:15:12.400 --> 00:15:20.240
You guys, you know that I was shook, right? Because I wasn't expecting for those of you that don't

201
00:15:20.240 --> 00:15:26.960
know that. That's like, you know, being tied up and, you know, different things like sexual stuff.

202
00:15:26.960 --> 00:15:32.800
And I appreciated her candor, but also I was taken off guard so much, but it made complete sense.

203
00:15:32.800 --> 00:15:38.720
Because like, she felt like she had to be in control all the time because of this counterfeit.

204
00:15:38.720 --> 00:15:44.000
And so in relationships, when it came to her sexuality, she liked to feel out of control and

205
00:15:44.000 --> 00:15:50.480
even put herself in positions of vulnerability, of fake vulnerability, right? Of contrived

206
00:15:50.480 --> 00:15:55.120
vulnerability. I'm happy to say that that woman got healed. She got delivered and she is happily

207
00:15:55.120 --> 00:16:00.320
married. She's happily married now. I haven't asked about their sex life because I don't want to know.

208
00:16:00.320 --> 00:16:06.640
But she got, she got saved and delivered. And I'm pretty sure that she's doing amazing. In fact,

209
00:16:06.640 --> 00:16:13.040
they just had a baby, a little baby girl not too long ago. So it just goes to show you that, you

210
00:16:13.040 --> 00:16:18.960
know, that controlling nature is really not our real nature. And people go to great length to try

211
00:16:18.960 --> 00:16:27.280
to feel out of control when they feel like they always have to be in control. You know what I mean?

212
00:16:27.280 --> 00:16:31.760
And so I don't know, that just popped into my head. So I thought I would share it, even though

213
00:16:31.760 --> 00:16:36.240
it's a little spicy, but I think we're all adults here and we can handle it. Okay.

214
00:16:36.240 --> 00:16:43.760
Amy says I've been feeling really unseen at work. Okay, this is beautiful and feeling like my

215
00:16:43.760 --> 00:16:49.520
coworkers just use me and want me to solve all their problems. Okay. So let's be fair here, Amy.

216
00:16:49.520 --> 00:16:54.240
I love that you're seeing this. I love that these feelings are coming to the surface.

217
00:16:54.240 --> 00:17:00.400
But in the past, have you been the go to person? Have you allowed yourself to be the person that

218
00:17:00.400 --> 00:17:06.000
everyone goes to to solve their problems? Like have you allowed yourself to be that?

219
00:17:08.160 --> 00:17:16.400
Yes, in some ways, yes. And it's something that I promised myself I would not do anymore.

220
00:17:16.400 --> 00:17:22.640
And I'm working with these two ladies. And when we get under stress, they get more

221
00:17:22.640 --> 00:17:30.160
micromanaging and more controlling. And I get more like, oh, don't let me. Yeah. And I end up,

222
00:17:30.160 --> 00:17:35.360
I end up just because they just tell me all their, they tell me everything, get me on the phone and

223
00:17:35.360 --> 00:17:39.840
they want to tell me all their problems, not just work problems. And I just want to be about work

224
00:17:39.840 --> 00:17:44.240
and talk about work and how can we be successful and solve our problems at work. And they want

225
00:17:44.240 --> 00:17:47.920
to tell me all their emotional stuff and all their things. And I put boundaries down on both

226
00:17:47.920 --> 00:17:55.520
of them. And this week has been better. But I was asking the Lord, you know, why did I feel like

227
00:17:55.520 --> 00:18:02.080
it was hard for me to put those boundaries down. And I felt very disrespected because I was leading a

228
00:18:02.080 --> 00:18:08.080
call and they were having a chat conversation while I was leading a call with a customer.

229
00:18:08.080 --> 00:18:12.480
And I was sharing my screen and they're sitting there pinging each other and everything. And we

230
00:18:12.480 --> 00:18:18.080
got off the phone and I said, ladies, I was sharing my screen with a customer and leading this call.

231
00:18:18.080 --> 00:18:26.240
And I said, you know, what could you have waited until we got off the call to have a talk about

232
00:18:26.240 --> 00:18:31.600
what it was about another customer or something like that. You know, and I just said, I would

233
00:18:31.600 --> 00:18:36.960
really appreciate if if I'm on, you know, one of the girls was in the meeting. I said, you were

234
00:18:36.960 --> 00:18:42.080
in the meeting with me. So you knew I couldn't chat. So you could have just chatted just with her,

235
00:18:42.080 --> 00:18:47.920
not with me. You didn't have to pull me into a group chat while I'm trying to do a presentation.

236
00:18:47.920 --> 00:18:53.760
And I just said, I would really appreciate if you would respect me if I'm on Do Not Disturb

237
00:18:53.760 --> 00:19:00.080
or if I am in a call or something, email me or wait until I'm done to please to reach out.

238
00:19:00.080 --> 00:19:06.880
Yeah, no, so just complete disrespect for sure. I said, I'm just asking for basic respect.

239
00:19:06.880 --> 00:19:11.600
I don't think that's a bad thing, you know. So when you're saying that you feel unseen at work,

240
00:19:11.600 --> 00:19:18.640
you're saying that your needs are unseen, that you need privacy, that you need attention to your

241
00:19:18.640 --> 00:19:23.840
work. That's what you mean by your needs being unseen? Well, I just feel like there's not any

242
00:19:23.840 --> 00:19:30.640
consideration for my needs or how I might, the fact that I'm heads down working on something,

243
00:19:30.640 --> 00:19:34.400
they don't care if they interrupt me or not. I can be on Do Not Disturb and I'm getting all these

244
00:19:34.400 --> 00:19:40.400
messages and phone calls despite the fact that I'm telling them I'm busy. And I feel like that's

245
00:19:40.400 --> 00:19:46.320
just really rude. I mean, and the company that I came before before was big and corporate and that

246
00:19:46.320 --> 00:19:50.800
was something that happened all the time and I ignored it, but we're small and I just don't,

247
00:19:50.800 --> 00:19:57.760
I don't want that kind of environment where I'm working. And so, I don't know, it just, but the,

248
00:19:57.760 --> 00:19:59.920
I get along better with men at work.

249
00:20:04.000 --> 00:20:08.280
these two have been hired, these two ladies, it has been

250
00:20:08.280 --> 00:20:15.440
terrible for me because of all the drama. Right. So you they

251
00:20:15.440 --> 00:20:17.840
were new. And of course, you want to be friends. So you

252
00:20:17.840 --> 00:20:21.160
probably had a bit a little bit little bit looser of boundaries

253
00:20:21.160 --> 00:20:25.200
with them at first. And unfortunately, that kind of trained

254
00:20:25.200 --> 00:20:28.200
them to what they're allowed to do what they can do. And now

255
00:20:28.200 --> 00:20:30.480
you're like, yeah, I don't like this anymore. You know, you

256
00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:33.160
know, and so, you know, it's okay for you just to have a

257
00:20:33.160 --> 00:20:38.320
non confrontational conversation about, hey, you know, I have

258
00:20:38.320 --> 00:20:41.440
deadlines, I have things to get done. And I feel like there's

259
00:20:41.440 --> 00:20:45.560
too much shenanigans happen in here. So let's leave the

260
00:20:45.560 --> 00:20:50.400
shinannies for lunchtime or after work or whenever, you know,

261
00:20:50.400 --> 00:20:53.840
you just, you know, non confrontational conversational.

262
00:20:53.960 --> 00:20:58.440
Now, can you control if they see you're a beige behind your back

263
00:20:58.440 --> 00:21:01.560
after that? Nope. Yeah, really can't. And they actually might

264
00:21:01.560 --> 00:21:03.640
because it sounds like they're not there to work. They're not

265
00:21:03.640 --> 00:21:06.920
there for a long time. They're there for a good time. Okay,

266
00:21:06.920 --> 00:21:09.360
doesn't sound like they care about their quotas or their

267
00:21:09.360 --> 00:21:13.640
customers. They're just there to goof off with each other. And

268
00:21:13.640 --> 00:21:16.880
so you're not going to be the third stooge anymore. You don't

269
00:21:16.880 --> 00:21:21.160
want to be there. But also I want to get to they want to you to

270
00:21:21.160 --> 00:21:23.560
solve all their problems. You don't just mean word problems,

271
00:21:23.560 --> 00:21:24.920
you mean their life problems.

272
00:21:24.920 --> 00:21:30.400
In some cases, yes. Yes. Okay. And I and I put the kibosh on that

273
00:21:30.400 --> 00:21:33.480
with one one girl because I've worked with her before. We were

274
00:21:33.480 --> 00:21:36.040
never really close friends or anything. But I've worked with

275
00:21:36.040 --> 00:21:41.360
her before. And she started getting me, you know, she started

276
00:21:41.360 --> 00:21:45.000
telling me a lot of stuff. And I was like, okay, you know, I

277
00:21:45.000 --> 00:21:48.280
mean, I've been share I've been sharing Jesus with her and

278
00:21:48.280 --> 00:21:51.520
positive things like outside of work and things like that. But

279
00:21:51.520 --> 00:21:53.960
at work, I finally one day said, we don't need to be having

280
00:21:53.960 --> 00:21:57.160
these kind of conversations at work. I said, you know, let's

281
00:21:57.160 --> 00:22:01.160
let's focus because I'm supposed to be mentoring her. And she

282
00:22:01.160 --> 00:22:04.120
wants to tell me everything, everything, everything, everything.

283
00:22:04.120 --> 00:22:08.040
Yeah. So she has no boundaries at all. So yeah, friends, if any

284
00:22:08.040 --> 00:22:10.560
of you have people in your life that just they don't have any

285
00:22:10.560 --> 00:22:13.080
boundaries, and you've tried to be kind in the past, and you've

286
00:22:13.080 --> 00:22:16.080
tried to be Christian towards them in the past. And you know,

287
00:22:16.080 --> 00:22:19.240
now things are out of control, like what Amy's describing, you

288
00:22:19.240 --> 00:22:22.160
know, it's going to be uncomfortable to institute boundaries

289
00:22:22.160 --> 00:22:26.760
with someone like that after you've let them kind of not have any

290
00:22:26.760 --> 00:22:30.240
with you. But you can do it. And it's going to have to be

291
00:22:30.240 --> 00:22:33.640
something that you just enforce every single day, just politely,

292
00:22:33.640 --> 00:22:37.360
kindly, hey, you know, I got to work on this. Hey, I'm sorry, I

293
00:22:37.360 --> 00:22:40.320
can't hear that right now, I got to work on this, I'm working on

294
00:22:40.320 --> 00:22:43.240
this, I'm in a meeting, you know, could you please, you know,

295
00:22:43.240 --> 00:22:45.520
keep your conversation to a minimum, you're just going to

296
00:22:45.520 --> 00:22:48.440
have to be that person, unfortunately. And if you're

297
00:22:48.440 --> 00:22:51.480
consistent with that, and not just have one of those days where

298
00:22:51.480 --> 00:22:54.200
you're like, yeah, I don't care, you know, come over, tell me

299
00:22:54.200 --> 00:22:58.080
all the tea, as long as you don't do that, and you continually

300
00:22:58.080 --> 00:23:02.360
just are, you know, very reinforcing of this, then

301
00:23:02.360 --> 00:23:04.840
eventually people will stop asking you that stuff and they'll

302
00:23:04.840 --> 00:23:09.040
stop, they'll stop talking to you about it. You know, but with

303
00:23:09.040 --> 00:23:14.920
that may come the feeling of rejection. So be be be be careful

304
00:23:14.920 --> 00:23:15.800
and be ready for that.

305
00:23:16.120 --> 00:23:19.480
That has happened today, that has happened today after all week

306
00:23:19.480 --> 00:23:23.080
of dealing with this and putting up boundaries. Today, I'm sitting

307
00:23:23.080 --> 00:23:25.840
here going, I don't think these girls like me anymore, and I

308
00:23:25.840 --> 00:23:31.040
don't really care. I'm like, what is wrong with me? I have to tell

309
00:23:31.040 --> 00:23:31.800
Jackie.

310
00:23:31.800 --> 00:23:40.200
When it was the first time in your life, you could go all the way

311
00:23:40.200 --> 00:23:44.160
back to grade school when you felt like you had to, you know,

312
00:23:44.160 --> 00:23:47.320
play by other people's rules or let other people do whatever

313
00:23:47.320 --> 00:23:49.680
they want, even if it made you feel uncomfortable, or you didn't

314
00:23:49.680 --> 00:23:51.960
like it in order to belong or be liked.

315
00:23:51.960 --> 00:23:55.920
I don't remember ever not feeling that way, to be honest.

316
00:23:55.920 --> 00:23:58.160
Okay, I can't say it was a pattern.

317
00:23:58.160 --> 00:24:01.480
And you're breaking it.

318
00:24:01.480 --> 00:24:03.800
You're breaking it. And I love that she's bringing this up

319
00:24:03.800 --> 00:24:07.680
because everyone needs to hear this. If you have a long time

320
00:24:07.680 --> 00:24:11.560
counterfeit, okay, that's played out in different ways, because

321
00:24:11.560 --> 00:24:14.120
it's played out in different ways in her life over the years

322
00:24:14.120 --> 00:24:17.360
probably at different jobs and different school and all the

323
00:24:17.360 --> 00:24:19.640
different things, maybe even in family. But here's the thing,

324
00:24:19.640 --> 00:24:24.040
when you decide to confront it, because it's making you miserable,

325
00:24:24.040 --> 00:24:27.000
you don't like it. You don't want it anymore. When you decide to

326
00:24:27.000 --> 00:24:30.320
confront it, you have to make sure that your pendulum doesn't

327
00:24:30.320 --> 00:24:35.040
swing all the way over here. Okay, Rome was a built in a day.

328
00:24:35.040 --> 00:24:38.480
All right, you didn't get this counterfeit personality overnight

329
00:24:38.480 --> 00:24:41.440
and you're not going to kick it to the curb overnight. So baby

330
00:24:41.440 --> 00:24:45.120
steps, don't rip the bandaid off. This isn't one of the areas

331
00:24:45.120 --> 00:24:47.160
that you don't want to rip the bandaid off. You want to

332
00:24:47.160 --> 00:24:51.400
recognize what you're doing. And the reason why is because

333
00:24:51.400 --> 00:24:55.000
underneath what Amy is doing, there's an authentic gift.

334
00:24:55.000 --> 00:25:00.000
She's not just doing this because she's afraid of

335
00:25:05.440 --> 00:25:12.400
part of Amy that truly is a helper. That's a counselor. That's a coach. That's, you know,

336
00:25:12.400 --> 00:25:17.200
to be there to support and help people to have breakthrough in some way, shape or form,

337
00:25:17.200 --> 00:25:22.160
to teach them, to mentor them. That's an authentic version of her that's probably always been there.

338
00:25:22.160 --> 00:25:27.760
But because it got overextended by trauma of, you know, in order to belong, in order to be loved,

339
00:25:27.760 --> 00:25:31.680
I have to make other people happy. I have to do what they want. I have to be their doormat. I have

340
00:25:31.680 --> 00:25:37.360
to be constantly on call for their problems and their issues to help them. Because it got overextended,

341
00:25:37.360 --> 00:25:44.560
it's now become a weakness that she's tired of. Her giver darned busted now. So she can't throw

342
00:25:44.560 --> 00:25:50.160
the baby out with the bath water though. Do you see that? The baby is the gift. She can't throw

343
00:25:50.160 --> 00:25:55.600
the baby out with the bath water. So all you do friends is you have to dial it back. You have

344
00:25:55.600 --> 00:26:02.320
to dial it back to, okay, here are my office hours. And here are not my office hours, right? You know,

345
00:26:02.320 --> 00:26:07.440
she can even put like a little sign up saying, you know, you know, when the sign is up, ladies,

346
00:26:07.440 --> 00:26:11.520
you know, I'm in full work mode because, and you can even blame it on yourself, you can say,

347
00:26:11.520 --> 00:26:17.040
because I love shenanigans and I am not going to get anything done if I allow myself to go there.

348
00:26:17.040 --> 00:26:21.680
But then you can have a little sign that turns around and says, okay, I'm ready to have fun.

349
00:26:22.880 --> 00:26:27.920
I'm ready to talk. You know, if the talk signs up, you know, if the hot lights on,

350
00:26:27.920 --> 00:26:34.000
come get the crispy creams. But if it's not, you know, so that's a good way at work too.

351
00:26:34.000 --> 00:26:38.400
And I know people that have done this. I know people that they didn't get any work done

352
00:26:38.400 --> 00:26:43.040
because they have some chatty Cathy that works with them that and they, and they let them do it.

353
00:26:43.040 --> 00:26:47.760
They didn't put down a boundary and now, oh, so now they just put up a little sign. You have

354
00:26:47.760 --> 00:26:54.320
a cube, are you in cube world? No, I'm in virtual world. So, no, they're not even in the same place

355
00:26:54.320 --> 00:27:03.040
as you. They're not even in person. No, ma'am, they are not. They are not. So they're having side

356
00:27:03.040 --> 00:27:10.400
conversations while you're talking to customers. Yeah, through messenger, through teams. And one

357
00:27:10.400 --> 00:27:14.800
girl goes, I'm on a team's call and the one girl goes, well, you know, she goes, if you have to share

358
00:27:14.800 --> 00:27:20.320
your screen, because I said, you know, I don't want customers to see everything because sometimes

359
00:27:20.320 --> 00:27:26.640
when you when I share because of the way Microsoft is connected through, you know, you know, and

360
00:27:26.640 --> 00:27:32.320
she said, well, just don't share screens that could pop up. I said, I'm on a Microsoft team's call,

361
00:27:32.320 --> 00:27:38.240
you're chatting on teams. I can't close teams out if I'm on a call with teams. Well, if you're

362
00:27:38.240 --> 00:27:42.080
virtual, just let them know, hey, you know what, when I'm working, I'm working and you'll know when

363
00:27:42.080 --> 00:27:46.640
I'm not because, you know, I'll pop into some of the shenanigans. But the other reason why this is

364
00:27:46.640 --> 00:27:51.440
kind of a loss for you is because you don't like it. You want respect, you want boundaries, but you

365
00:27:51.440 --> 00:27:58.400
also are isolated. You work at home. So you want, you want some social time, you want friends,

366
00:27:58.400 --> 00:28:02.960
and so you can find a happy balance there. But I love it that you're noticing this long time

367
00:28:02.960 --> 00:28:10.080
counterfeit that is really a gift. But now it's just been overextended by your unwillingness to

368
00:28:10.080 --> 00:28:13.520
confront or to have conflict or to make anyone upset at you.

369
00:28:13.520 --> 00:28:18.800
Yes, that's true. And, you know, I'm proud of myself because even though it was very hard and

370
00:28:18.800 --> 00:28:24.160
it's been, like you said, I'm watching that pendulum because I'm like, okay, I know I need to set this

371
00:28:24.160 --> 00:28:31.600
boundary. I don't want to be the friend at all costs anymore, you know, which I have done in the

372
00:28:31.600 --> 00:28:37.360
past with people a long time ago, really, I mean, I've had so much better friends for a long time.

373
00:28:37.360 --> 00:28:45.040
But at work, I don't, I used to feel very insecure and very, like I wasn't as good as

374
00:28:45.040 --> 00:28:48.880
everybody else. And I don't, I'm not, I'm not doing that to myself anymore.

375
00:28:48.880 --> 00:28:57.760
No, because I know, I don't know. Well, yeah, and my boss and I get along great.

376
00:28:57.760 --> 00:29:08.880
And he and I work together wonderfully. And I tell him everything. So, when I told him, you know,

377
00:29:08.880 --> 00:29:13.840
I don't say it the way I don't repeat gossip and things like that. But like today, I told him on

378
00:29:13.840 --> 00:29:18.800
a call, I'm like, I think these ladies are really struggling because we were new business, things

379
00:29:18.800 --> 00:29:24.960
are not streamlined and it's kind of chaotic. And the more chaotic it gets, the more they want

380
00:29:24.960 --> 00:29:30.400
to control everything. And, and, you know, get upset about the fact that this isn't this and this,

381
00:29:30.400 --> 00:29:35.280
this isn't the way they think everything should be. And I'm like, it's just not going to be that

382
00:29:35.280 --> 00:29:39.120
way, ladies. I mean, you're just going to have to either you're going to have to give that up. I mean,

383
00:29:39.120 --> 00:29:44.720
yeah, tell him tell him you can't be in control, baby. That's what you cannot be in control.

384
00:29:44.720 --> 00:29:49.040
Control. She's going to be teaching and training them that. All right. Well, this is a huge breakthrough

385
00:29:49.040 --> 00:29:54.880
for you. I love it. Just like I said, you know, don't try to do it all in one day. Who else?

386
00:29:55.040 --> 00:29:59.840
When you set a boundary, start to maybe backpedal or feel even feel a little guilty for setting the

387
00:30:07.640 --> 00:30:14.440
Okay, that little hand. All right, it's a lot of you. A lot of you feel guilty.

388
00:30:14.440 --> 00:30:29.980
And probably the closer the person is to you, the more guilty you feel, right, you know, whether it's your sister, your brother or a child of yours, like an adult child or a adolescent, you know, almost adult child.

389
00:30:29.980 --> 00:30:45.700
Or your mom, your dad, your, your former spouse, two of you said, I think, I think Carly, let me see, I need to see Carly and Dan are both saying, it felt like that at first.

390
00:30:45.700 --> 00:30:51.460
But the more that I did it, the better I got at it. And it's true. Yeah, it's true.

391
00:30:52.660 --> 00:31:09.540
I'm not going to give you a huge book to read you guys. So I don't want to do that. But Dr. Henry Cloud has a really good book about boundaries. Now, he has a book called boundaries, but that's not the one I'm talking about. This is why I don't want to give you a huge book to read.

392
00:31:09.540 --> 00:31:16.660
But it's one of his older works from years and years and years ago. It really helped me a lot in my 30s. It's called changes that heal.

393
00:31:17.140 --> 00:31:37.260
So if you really feel like you struggle, struggle, struggle in the area of boundaries, then you might want to read that because it talks about, you know, how that how it doesn't say attachment styles because this was way before attachment style theory ever came out because that book is really old. It probably was written in the 90s, but

394
00:31:38.500 --> 00:31:53.580
It's very good. Okay. All right. Yes, that book is awesome. Yes, Dan. I agree. A lot of people don't even know about it. They sleep in on that book because that book is because it is, it is very thick and it is a lot of case studies of his patients as a psychologist.

395
00:31:53.580 --> 00:32:03.540
So, but it is worth a read if you like to read or you might be able to find it on audio. Probably not, though, because it's really old. All right, Helen, you're up. Thank you for sharing Amy. What have we got, Helen?

396
00:32:04.660 --> 00:32:08.020
What behavior, what self sabotage have you located?

397
00:32:08.020 --> 00:32:16.660
Or maybe you hide your hand up just to say that you have a hard time keeping your boundaries. Okay, who else wants to share?

398
00:32:16.660 --> 00:32:27.780
Audra said something good. She said, when making a boundary, I always need to check my motivation. Audra, explain yourself.

399
00:32:27.780 --> 00:32:33.620
What do you mean by that? Oh, you thought you were going to get away with just posting it and not

400
00:32:34.580 --> 00:32:38.260
get away with that. I've participated.

401
00:32:38.260 --> 00:32:48.980
You know, a lot of times I, I don't, I'll just use an example. Somebody asked me to do something at church and I immediately and I said no.

402
00:32:48.980 --> 00:33:03.220
And I realized I said no because I was feeling insecure that that I wasn't capable of doing what they asked me to do. It was teaching a part of a class and I'm like, no.

403
00:33:03.220 --> 00:33:19.300
And it's, it kind of, it appeared to be a boundary, but really it was just, I was insecure about speaking in front of people and sharing something and I just, I didn't, I didn't think I could do it.

404
00:33:19.300 --> 00:33:24.500
But you ended up doing it. I ended up doing it.

405
00:33:25.540 --> 00:33:35.140
And it, and it was great. But I had to, I, I realized sometimes I'll say yes to things because of fear of man, right? I don't want to have, I don't want to be left out.

406
00:33:35.140 --> 00:33:50.260
I'm worried if I say no to something, they're not going to ask me to do it again. So I was, before I say yes or before I say no, I really have to, I really have to take a minute, which I think is what's wise for me and just.

407
00:33:51.300 --> 00:34:08.659
Really think about why I would say yes, why I would say no, what my motivation is. Is it something the Lord wants to take me through to grow me or is it, is it really a no because I just don't have time or is it a yes and I do it afraid, you know, I don't know.

408
00:34:08.659 --> 00:34:21.260
Yeah, no, it's really good. It's really good. And friends, you do have to ask yourself, you know, am I setting a boundary with my no? Am I saying it, you know, this is not who I am or what I want or what I need or what I can do?

409
00:34:21.260 --> 00:34:41.260
Because of my capacity, I don't have capacity for this or is it a wall? You know, is it a boundary or is it a wall? Is it, is it you blocking something off because you're afraid of it, like what Audra is saying because you feel insecure because, you know, it's, it's a challenge, it's challenging you.

410
00:34:41.260 --> 00:35:01.260
And so these are really good questions to ask yourself for sure, for sure. And then, and the other thing is, I want to say this about boundaries is that a lot of people, they get excited when they hear about the teachings on boundaries because they have a lot of, they've allowed themselves to have a lot of resources.

411
00:35:02.560 --> 00:35:06.160
And they feel like boundaries are a great and amazing excuse

412
00:35:06.160 --> 00:35:08.460
to now cut those relationships off.

413
00:35:08.460 --> 00:35:11.720
You know, especially younger people,

414
00:35:11.720 --> 00:35:13.480
I can't tell you how many people I've coached

415
00:35:13.480 --> 00:35:17.040
that are no contact with people

416
00:35:17.040 --> 00:35:20.120
that they've just been boundaryless with.

417
00:35:20.120 --> 00:35:21.640
So they haven't had boundaries.

418
00:35:21.640 --> 00:35:23.480
Things have kind of gotten out of control.

419
00:35:23.480 --> 00:35:25.880
And now they're just like, yeah, this is toxic.

420
00:35:25.880 --> 00:35:27.160
That's kind of the key word.

421
00:35:27.160 --> 00:35:29.200
And now I'm going no contact.

422
00:35:29.200 --> 00:35:30.560
No, that's not always the answer.

423
00:35:30.560 --> 00:35:34.160
Now, if it's abusive and it truly is something

424
00:35:34.160 --> 00:35:36.440
that's dangerous or unhealthy or unsafe,

425
00:35:36.440 --> 00:35:39.520
then no contact for a specific amount of time

426
00:35:39.520 --> 00:35:41.600
or maybe forever, if necessary,

427
00:35:41.600 --> 00:35:43.480
could be what you need to do.

428
00:35:43.480 --> 00:35:48.240
But you cannot fix your poor relationship skills

429
00:35:48.240 --> 00:35:51.340
with no contact.

430
00:35:51.340 --> 00:35:54.880
Because what happens then is that you go

431
00:35:54.880 --> 00:35:58.560
and you create toxic dynamics with new people

432
00:35:58.560 --> 00:36:02.880
because you're not learning the relationship skills

433
00:36:02.880 --> 00:36:06.560
that you need in order to be with people

434
00:36:06.560 --> 00:36:08.680
who are not completely healthy

435
00:36:08.680 --> 00:36:10.900
without letting them make you unhealthy.

436
00:36:10.900 --> 00:36:13.800
That's going to be necessary in life.

437
00:36:13.800 --> 00:36:15.560
And I say this often in the hard work,

438
00:36:15.560 --> 00:36:19.320
you can sit next to poison at the Thanksgiving dinner table

439
00:36:19.320 --> 00:36:20.880
without letting it poison you.

440
00:36:20.880 --> 00:36:23.560
Go ahead and try it.

441
00:36:23.560 --> 00:36:26.000
Put a bottle of Drano right on the seat next to you

442
00:36:26.000 --> 00:36:28.760
and see how poisoned you get by it.

443
00:36:28.760 --> 00:36:31.760
You ain't going to get poisoned by that Drano

444
00:36:31.760 --> 00:36:33.880
unless you pick it up and you drink it.

445
00:36:33.880 --> 00:36:38.160
And so learning how to be with unhealthy people

446
00:36:38.160 --> 00:36:43.160
in proximity to them without taking in their toxicity

447
00:36:43.160 --> 00:36:46.000
is very important skill to learn

448
00:36:46.000 --> 00:36:48.400
if you want to live in this world.

449
00:36:48.400 --> 00:36:50.880
So don't keep yourself immature in relationships

450
00:36:50.880 --> 00:36:53.320
by thinking that you can just, you know,

451
00:36:53.320 --> 00:36:55.160
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

452
00:36:55.160 --> 00:36:56.480
Just cut everybody off

453
00:36:56.480 --> 00:36:59.320
because unless you're going to go live on an island

454
00:36:59.320 --> 00:37:01.800
with yourself, you are always going to be in relationship

455
00:37:01.800 --> 00:37:04.160
with difficult people in one way or another.

456
00:37:04.160 --> 00:37:08.840
All right, Sakura, I just always want to call you Shakira

457
00:37:08.840 --> 00:37:11.680
like, you know, my hips don't lie.

458
00:37:11.680 --> 00:37:13.960
Yeah, I bet.

459
00:37:13.960 --> 00:37:17.120
You're like, yeah, you're like, you're like,

460
00:37:17.120 --> 00:37:19.800
the name actually fits cause my hips don't lie.

461
00:37:19.800 --> 00:37:21.600
But all right, okay, go ahead.

462
00:37:21.600 --> 00:37:26.240
So what showed up for me

463
00:37:26.240 --> 00:37:29.560
in this week, I would say is the runner.

464
00:37:29.560 --> 00:37:34.520
And I realized that I'm not cutting them off

465
00:37:34.520 --> 00:37:36.600
but I am withdrawing.

466
00:37:36.600 --> 00:37:41.040
So for example, something happened at my temp job

467
00:37:41.040 --> 00:37:43.400
and I only have like four more shifts

468
00:37:43.400 --> 00:37:48.400
but I withdraw drew or withdrew from my team members.

469
00:37:49.080 --> 00:37:51.120
Like, I don't interact with them

470
00:37:51.120 --> 00:37:53.120
because there was some drama

471
00:37:53.120 --> 00:37:55.760
and I got included in it apparently.

472
00:37:55.760 --> 00:37:58.880
And I was just in my own world, but I got included.

473
00:37:58.880 --> 00:38:03.800
So instead of talking to the person who posted something,

474
00:38:03.800 --> 00:38:06.080
I just was like, I'm almost done.

475
00:38:06.080 --> 00:38:09.280
I'm just going to sit here, but it's a crisis line.

476
00:38:09.280 --> 00:38:13.640
So I need to interact with them when people are on crisis

477
00:38:13.640 --> 00:38:14.920
but I just sit there.

478
00:38:14.920 --> 00:38:16.560
And if I have to find the answer,

479
00:38:16.560 --> 00:38:19.840
I'm using AI or calling the overnight person.

480
00:38:19.840 --> 00:38:21.280
- Oh my goodness. - Instead of going to my business.

481
00:38:21.280 --> 00:38:22.680
- Oh my goodness. - Yes.

482
00:38:22.680 --> 00:38:25.240
So that was one thing that I noticed

483
00:38:25.240 --> 00:38:28.960
and then my friend misunderstood me actually yesterday

484
00:38:28.960 --> 00:38:31.400
and I was about to cut off the relationship

485
00:38:31.400 --> 00:38:33.200
and I was like, you can't cut off.

486
00:38:33.200 --> 00:38:34.480
But I withdrew from her

487
00:38:34.480 --> 00:38:36.840
and I haven't talked to her for like two days.

488
00:38:36.840 --> 00:38:38.760
- Oh, okay, wait a second.

489
00:38:38.760 --> 00:38:40.320
Wait a second, hold on.

490
00:38:40.320 --> 00:38:44.960
Raise your hand if since we've been teaching this stuff

491
00:38:44.960 --> 00:38:47.440
the last three weeks, you feel like a little bit more drama

492
00:38:47.440 --> 00:38:51.120
than normal's been happening in your proximity.

493
00:38:51.120 --> 00:38:52.120
Raise your hand.

494
00:38:52.120 --> 00:38:56.960
'Cause I don't think this is the normal thing that's happening

495
00:38:56.960 --> 00:38:59.360
but it's like God's giving plenty of opportunity

496
00:38:59.360 --> 00:39:01.380
for you to kind of catch the counterfeits, right?

497
00:39:01.380 --> 00:39:02.800
Okay, I love this, all right.

498
00:39:02.800 --> 00:39:05.480
So, and then your friend and you got into it

499
00:39:05.480 --> 00:39:07.800
and you haven't talked to her.

500
00:39:07.800 --> 00:39:11.320
Now, stone walling, withdrawaling, going, you know,

501
00:39:11.320 --> 00:39:14.280
going silent, is this, this is your MO?

502
00:39:15.200 --> 00:39:16.200
This is what you do?

503
00:39:16.200 --> 00:39:21.840
- Yes, now, which I thought I did it too

504
00:39:21.840 --> 00:39:23.920
'cause I just normally cut them off

505
00:39:23.920 --> 00:39:27.680
but I thought I dealt with it but I did it, I guess.

506
00:39:27.680 --> 00:39:30.200
- Listen, you don't just cut people off.

507
00:39:30.200 --> 00:39:32.240
There's gotta be something big that happens

508
00:39:32.240 --> 00:39:34.120
to just cut someone off.

509
00:39:34.120 --> 00:39:36.720
I mean, it's gotta be big.

510
00:39:36.720 --> 00:39:40.680
It can't just be like, you gave me the stink eye

511
00:39:40.680 --> 00:39:42.920
but I can't be what it is.

512
00:39:42.920 --> 00:39:45.120
'Cause I promise you, when you're married,

513
00:39:45.120 --> 00:39:48.480
you're gonna get some stink eye, okay?

514
00:39:48.480 --> 00:39:50.640
You guys are gonna, here's the thing ladies,

515
00:39:50.640 --> 00:39:52.600
this is what I want you to know, Dan, plug your ears.

516
00:39:52.600 --> 00:39:55.040
Listen, all you ladies, all right?

517
00:39:55.040 --> 00:39:58.920
All men are annoying, all right?

518
00:39:58.920 --> 00:39:59.760
They are.

519
00:40:04.640 --> 00:40:12.400
you are. And then Dan, all ladies plug yours, all women are petty. All right. They are,

520
00:40:12.400 --> 00:40:18.240
they are going to get mad at you for dumb little stuff. All right. So be ready for it. All right,

521
00:40:18.240 --> 00:40:25.280
secure. Now listen, you can't be cutting people off. When's the first time that you did this?

522
00:40:25.280 --> 00:40:30.240
Tell us the first time that you can remember little Sakura being like, Nope, I'm not going

523
00:40:30.240 --> 00:40:33.760
to deal with this. I'm just going to go into my own little world somewhere.

524
00:40:33.760 --> 00:40:46.800
I think it happened later on in life because I think did you used to be a confronter?

525
00:40:46.800 --> 00:40:54.320
No. So I think what happened is because when my dad left and I have to quote because he doesn't

526
00:40:54.320 --> 00:41:04.800
like me saying that, but when he left, he's not here to say no. I know. But when he left,

527
00:41:04.800 --> 00:41:12.640
I think that it's because it hurt me so much. I think before people had the opportunity to leave

528
00:41:12.640 --> 00:41:19.280
me, maybe that's where it happened. Because now if I get too close to them and if I see any

529
00:41:19.280 --> 00:41:24.720
switch or anything, then I'm like, all right, I have to push you away.

530
00:41:24.720 --> 00:41:32.000
Right. So you're basically hyper vigilant about watching other people's behavior towards you.

531
00:41:32.000 --> 00:41:35.760
And if you think there is a shift, if you think that they're mad at you,

532
00:41:35.760 --> 00:41:41.280
if you think that they are going to confront you or get mad or like this coworker situation,

533
00:41:41.280 --> 00:41:45.280
like instead of having the drama, you're like, I'm just going to opt out because I'm leaving

534
00:41:45.280 --> 00:41:52.400
in four shifts. And I don't ever have to see you guys again. But your friend, you do have to see

535
00:41:52.400 --> 00:41:57.600
again. How long have you been friends for? I've met her last year, but I see her tomorrow because

536
00:41:57.600 --> 00:42:03.840
it's one of our mutual friends and birthday. So you've known her for a whole year. That doesn't

537
00:42:03.840 --> 00:42:12.560
deserve a conversation. You're just going to go ghost. What'd she do? What'd she do? We'll decide.

538
00:42:14.880 --> 00:42:25.600
Okay. So basically, we pray for our husbands. And I asked, instead of, I asked, can they say

539
00:42:25.600 --> 00:42:32.240
for me? Can you say I'm in preparation season when you pray? She took it wrong.

540
00:42:32.240 --> 00:42:41.280
And in the, in the group message, she said, if you're going to call someone out, call me out

541
00:42:41.280 --> 00:42:47.520
privately. So I was like, but I was talking about everybody. I just asked everybody. So I said

542
00:42:47.520 --> 00:42:54.080
her message and said, I think you misunderstood what I was saying. And then she did say that her

543
00:42:54.080 --> 00:43:00.000
cycle was coming and all that. And that's when I decided I'm going to take a step back away from her.

544
00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:05.440
Wait, she got offended because you said, are you in your preparation season?

545
00:43:06.880 --> 00:43:12.960
I want to be, I want to be, I want to be, I want them to pray for me and say I'm in preparation

546
00:43:12.960 --> 00:43:18.640
season because I feel like I'm in preparation season. Okay, what does that have to do with her?

547
00:43:18.640 --> 00:43:27.360
She got offended. Because she's not or you were saying she's not like you are and nobody else's.

548
00:43:27.360 --> 00:43:34.080
I just don't know where the offense is. I didn't ask. Oh, oh, all right. Now listen, everyone.

549
00:43:35.040 --> 00:43:41.920
You got to ask. All right. When there's a misunderstanding, we got to communicate.

550
00:43:41.920 --> 00:43:46.480
We got to communicate. It's important to communicate. So hopefully when you see her tomorrow,

551
00:43:46.480 --> 00:43:53.040
you'll be like, Hey, I didn't mean to offend you. Why did I offend you? All right. Hopefully her

552
00:43:53.040 --> 00:44:00.080
period is over now and we can have a conversation. Ladies, if you're in Perry Menopause, get on

553
00:44:00.080 --> 00:44:05.520
hormone replacement. You're welcome. Okay, very important, very important. If you want to be

554
00:44:05.520 --> 00:44:09.280
married to a man, you're going to have to get on hormone replacement for a lot of reasons,

555
00:44:09.280 --> 00:44:14.000
but balancing your hormones so that you don't get offended by every little tiny thing is going

556
00:44:14.000 --> 00:44:18.880
to be a really big piece of that. So we can talk about that when we go to the outer work.

557
00:44:18.880 --> 00:44:24.320
All right. So secure up. You are going to have a conversation because this is good practice.

558
00:44:24.320 --> 00:44:28.560
Regardless of whether you want to be best sister or friends with her anymore, you are going to

559
00:44:28.560 --> 00:44:32.800
have a conversation where you see her tomorrow because this is you practicing and not running

560
00:44:32.800 --> 00:44:37.760
or stonewalling. And it's going to be beautiful for you to use your words and communicate when

561
00:44:37.760 --> 00:44:44.400
there's a misunderstanding instead of just shutting down. Okay. See how God sets you up for some practice.

562
00:44:44.400 --> 00:44:48.560
You know what else you're going to do? You're going to go back to work. Are you still in your

563
00:44:48.560 --> 00:44:54.560
four days? Saturday starts my four days. All right. You are going to communicate with these folks.

564
00:44:55.440 --> 00:45:00.000
You're not gonna just talk to Chad CPT about your job.

565
00:45:05.000 --> 00:45:11.880
Because this is an opportunity for you to break out of patterns that do not serve you.

566
00:45:11.880 --> 00:45:17.720
I'm proud of you. I can't wait. Can we post it? It's going to be good. Okay.

567
00:45:17.720 --> 00:45:18.880
Carly, what do you got?

568
00:45:18.880 --> 00:45:21.960
Hi, Jackie. Hi, everyone.

569
00:45:21.960 --> 00:45:27.320
So I would say for me, the thing that has come up and the thing that's probably

570
00:45:27.320 --> 00:45:31.360
been the most over the last little while has been like the being and I don't know

571
00:45:31.360 --> 00:45:34.960
if it's on the actual sheet, but there's two components.

572
00:45:34.960 --> 00:45:38.920
So the two biggest ones that go hand in hand would be being misunderstood,

573
00:45:38.920 --> 00:45:45.720
which leads to overthinking, which has then in turn like the overthinking of like,

574
00:45:45.720 --> 00:45:49.520
oh, I shouldn't have said that or, you know, I've said this or I've said that or,

575
00:45:49.520 --> 00:45:52.680
you know, insert whatever it might be or whatever situation.

576
00:45:53.600 --> 00:45:57.360
And as a result of that, I've just become like, and I wrote it down.

577
00:45:57.360 --> 00:46:04.640
But just I was in a season prior to like, like, like a couple of months ago,

578
00:46:04.640 --> 00:46:09.280
where the season was extremely challenging for lots of different reasons.

579
00:46:09.280 --> 00:46:13.040
To the point where people actually, who I trust,

580
00:46:13.040 --> 00:46:19.840
called things out in me and were able to say, hey, this is actually who you are,

581
00:46:19.840 --> 00:46:24.160
like, but you like you need to you need to change this.

582
00:46:24.160 --> 00:46:30.880
So and from that, like the people that I trust, I've been able to like take those

583
00:46:30.880 --> 00:46:36.160
steps to the point where now like I can recognize, oh, there's anxiety that's

584
00:46:36.160 --> 00:46:40.600
rising up in me or I'm starting to overthink and like using strategies that are

585
00:46:40.600 --> 00:46:47.240
things like, you know, the overthinking often comes like, like it depending on the

586
00:46:47.240 --> 00:46:52.080
timeframe, but like, you know, you're going to bed or I'm like going, getting

587
00:46:52.080 --> 00:46:57.320
ready just to go to sleep and all of a sudden it's like, bam, you know, these

588
00:46:57.320 --> 00:46:59.320
thoughts just start coming into my mind.

589
00:46:59.320 --> 00:47:05.440
And so practicing things like telling my mind, you know, like, like it sounds

590
00:47:05.440 --> 00:47:11.040
ridiculous, but it's actually really like helpful in some senses of like saying

591
00:47:11.040 --> 00:47:16.800
mind, you need to like almost go into this little garage and close off and let

592
00:47:16.800 --> 00:47:20.080
God deal with everything that can't be dealt with in the evening.

593
00:47:20.080 --> 00:47:24.120
And if you if it if he doesn't do it overnight, then you can you can deal with

594
00:47:24.120 --> 00:47:25.080
it tomorrow morning.

595
00:47:25.080 --> 00:47:30.480
So like actually using physical tools that are helping me to be able to overcome.

596
00:47:30.480 --> 00:47:34.560
So kind of celebration, but also work in progress.

597
00:47:34.560 --> 00:47:36.800
Long winded answer or response.

598
00:47:36.800 --> 00:47:37.920
Okay.

599
00:47:37.920 --> 00:47:42.040
So what I'm hearing, Carly, is that you know what some of these counterfeits are,

600
00:47:42.040 --> 00:47:44.160
you know, the behavior that's attached to them.

601
00:47:44.520 --> 00:47:48.120
Yeah, you have known for some time, anything new coming up besides what you

602
00:47:48.120 --> 00:47:49.080
already know about?

603
00:47:49.080 --> 00:47:53.440
No, I think it's just those things that are coming up that I'm really working hard

604
00:47:53.440 --> 00:47:58.800
on like inside this group outside as well with people that I know and trust and

605
00:47:58.800 --> 00:48:03.160
being able to say, Hey, like to the point where like anxiety sometimes can come over

606
00:48:03.160 --> 00:48:08.400
me and then I go into like overthinking and fix it mode and learning how to

607
00:48:08.400 --> 00:48:12.640
actually say to people, Hey, this is actually, this is a physical response in my

608
00:48:12.640 --> 00:48:14.440
body that's happening right now.

609
00:48:14.440 --> 00:48:17.560
I it's not it has nothing to do with you.

610
00:48:17.560 --> 00:48:21.080
It's all like on me, but I need a minute.

611
00:48:21.080 --> 00:48:23.880
So really learning how to deal with those strategies.

612
00:48:23.880 --> 00:48:25.920
So really, yeah, learning how to.

613
00:48:25.920 --> 00:48:27.640
Yeah, that's good.

614
00:48:27.640 --> 00:48:32.720
Cause I feel like what you're describing could definitely lean into becoming an

615
00:48:32.720 --> 00:48:35.960
anxious attachment type of thing when you're with people.

616
00:48:35.960 --> 00:48:36.200
Yeah.

617
00:48:36.200 --> 00:48:36.560
Yeah.

618
00:48:36.560 --> 00:48:41.480
So overthinking every text, every conversation, you know, when someone doesn't

619
00:48:41.480 --> 00:48:44.320
want to continue to talk to you, wondering what you did wrong.

620
00:48:44.320 --> 00:48:45.560
And so, yeah, that's going to be good.

621
00:48:45.560 --> 00:48:51.400
And I would say that it's also in terms of like, like, I mean, I work in, you know,

622
00:48:51.400 --> 00:48:55.600
I work at Bethel, like, and so the significance piece and knowing like my

623
00:48:55.600 --> 00:49:01.920
personality as well is like significance in a sense of, you know, there's certain

624
00:49:01.920 --> 00:49:07.160
people who like everyone's opinion really matters, but knowing that like, Oh, that's

625
00:49:07.160 --> 00:49:12.960
something that I regard really highly of what you might say about me or which goes

626
00:49:12.960 --> 00:49:17.400
into fear of man as well, which is also like, I recognize those parts when it comes up.

627
00:49:17.400 --> 00:49:21.640
So yeah, it's good that you know that what triggers that more than other things.

628
00:49:21.640 --> 00:49:25.920
That's really good because that will probably lead you back.

629
00:49:25.920 --> 00:49:28.360
I'm sure you've already gone back to where it all began.

630
00:49:28.360 --> 00:49:31.600
Yes, you know, and so that's, that's good.

631
00:49:31.600 --> 00:49:35.360
So, um, all right, it sounds like you're on the right track and we'll be watching

632
00:49:35.360 --> 00:49:38.520
for that, Carly, as you were going forward into meeting and dating.

633
00:49:38.520 --> 00:49:38.960
Okay.

634
00:49:38.960 --> 00:49:40.040
Amen.

635
00:49:40.040 --> 00:49:43.120
Yeah, we like Carly don't overthink it, Carly.

636
00:49:43.120 --> 00:49:49.920
That's the message and then race or voice her back, but like, yeah, yeah.

637
00:49:49.920 --> 00:49:54.440
So friends, really, what Carly's talking about, like, this is, this is not, um,

638
00:49:54.440 --> 00:49:57.920
obviously, uh, something that's just for her.

639
00:49:57.920 --> 00:50:00.000
Um, but all of us.

640
00:50:16.000 --> 00:50:24.000
And so we all need to really understand and Carly's talking about this on how to regulate ourselves.

641
00:50:24.000 --> 00:50:31.000
When we get dysregulated. And unfortunately, we live in a world that is not.

642
00:50:31.000 --> 00:50:46.000
It's not the way we were meant to live, just as humans. You know, the way that God created us. We were made to live from a place of rest. We were born in a garden. Y'all. We were created for a garden. And so we were born to live in a place of.

643
00:50:46.000 --> 00:51:01.000
Of assisted or what was it called? Gosh, I heard a really good phrase the other day. He's going to fly out of my head. Not restful activity, but anyway, you know, everything that we do is from a place of rest.

644
00:51:01.000 --> 00:51:08.000
A place of knowing fully who we are and who we are and, you know, strong connection to our divinity and all the different things.

645
00:51:08.000 --> 00:51:22.000
So now we live in this rat race of a world where there's tons of competition. There's tons of scarcity. Really, it's an environment controlled by fear for the most part. And then we're pilgrims in it, right? Because we come from this, we come from this kingdom of love.

646
00:51:22.000 --> 00:51:35.000
But we're living, you know, in a world that is still very much underneath a curse of fear and darkness. And so, you know, this is why a lot of times people will tell you therapists will tell you to go touch grass.

647
00:51:35.000 --> 00:51:44.000
They'll tell you to go swim in the ocean. What are they telling you to do? They're telling you to energetically reset because your creation made from creation.

648
00:51:44.000 --> 00:51:56.000
So it's telling you to go and kind of get in touch with the simpler part of you and, you know, how you were created, which is to just be in that peaceful, restful type of place.

649
00:51:56.000 --> 00:52:14.000
And so we all have to learn how to live in this place. And I really want to encourage you, you know, if you're watching the news, if you're scrolling on social media, especially before bed, if you're following any kind of dating accounts that, you know, are all about, you know, people that are cheating or this

650
00:52:14.000 --> 00:52:25.000
and that or, you know, what's wrong with men, what's wrong with women, all the things, not for the purpose of educational purposes, but just for the purpose of just, you know, trashing and bashing.

651
00:52:25.000 --> 00:52:40.000
I really want to encourage you to just unfollow all that. You know, if there was ever a time in your life where you really want to blank slate clear the air about what it is that you want to be focusing on, it's now.

652
00:52:40.000 --> 00:52:54.000
And so that will be really, really good. And as far as regulating yourself before you get on these dates, people always say, "Man, I feel so anxious when I go on dates, you know, what the heck's going on?" Well, we live in an environment of anxiety.

653
00:52:54.000 --> 00:53:03.000
It doesn't really have anything to do. And other people will say, you know, I feel so burnout. I don't even really feel like dating. I don't even, you know, I don't even want to try anymore.

654
00:53:03.000 --> 00:53:12.000
And the reason why is because we're over our capacity in all the other areas. And so part of our outer work will be looking at our schedules, looking at our capacity.

655
00:53:12.000 --> 00:53:23.000
Do we even have room for this? Because relationships are going to take a lot. I was talking to a 44 year old woman that is one of my clients and she has never been married.

656
00:53:23.000 --> 00:53:33.000
She also is a virgin. She's 44 years old. Virgin never married. I'm not telling her business because she posts this on her social media regularly.

657
00:53:33.000 --> 00:53:45.000
But she just recently started talking to someone and she's like, man, she's like, they want to talk every day. So exhausting. You know, I don't want to talk to anyone every day.

658
00:53:45.000 --> 00:53:52.000
And I was like, what? Wait a second. Rewind the tape. What did you just say to me?

659
00:53:52.000 --> 00:54:02.000
I don't want to talk to anyone every single day. I was like, then you don't want to be married because you're going to talk to them every single day.

660
00:54:02.000 --> 00:54:09.000
They're going to live in your house. You know that, right? They're going to live in your house. In fact, they're going to live in your room.

661
00:54:09.000 --> 00:54:18.000
In your bed, in your closet, in your bathroom. They're going to be in your space. And she's like, yeah, she's like, I don't even know if I want that anymore.

662
00:54:18.000 --> 00:54:24.000
I was like, well, you better think about it. Because if you don't have the capacity, she's like, I'm just really working a lot.

663
00:54:24.000 --> 00:54:31.000
I was like, well, something is going to have to change in order for you to have what it is that you say that you want for the last two years.

664
00:54:31.000 --> 00:54:44.000
And that is you want so badly to be married. And yet you're so tired. You're so overcapacity. You're so burnout that you don't even want to talk to someone that you're attracted to every day.

665
00:54:44.000 --> 00:54:50.000
Something ain't added up. That math don't math. Okay. Vivian, you're up.

666
00:54:50.000 --> 00:54:58.000
Hey, Becky. Yeah. So on this whole notion of like just triggering nervous systems, I have this.

667
00:54:58.000 --> 00:55:00.000
I guess I don't want to be careful with things.

668
00:55:06.000 --> 00:55:12.720
and we kind of bonded during the time I was going through this custody situation with my ex-husband

669
00:55:12.720 --> 00:55:18.800
last year and I don't know something about her she's like an example of what I said about

670
00:55:18.800 --> 00:55:26.160
when women try to be able to close friends but she's just like she's been there for me during

671
00:55:26.160 --> 00:55:32.320
some difficult time she's so generous she's like overly generous she's like threw me a birthday

672
00:55:32.320 --> 00:55:37.280
party and invited all my friends she asked me what my friends phone numbers were and I was like

673
00:55:37.280 --> 00:55:42.800
that's kind of unusual but we were getting to know each other and I think because we went

674
00:55:42.800 --> 00:55:47.440
through that stuff together I was like well that sounds sweet and everyone was like wow who's this

675
00:55:47.440 --> 00:55:53.680
who's Emily she's so sweet and she threw a nice dinner for me and you know it was just kind of

676
00:55:53.680 --> 00:55:59.920
like very generous very it seems sincere but at the same time it was just kind of like triggering

677
00:55:59.920 --> 00:56:04.960
like I said like it it just made me I don't know not want to be too close to her and then

678
00:56:04.960 --> 00:56:12.000
and she's very successful woman but she's also very competitive like she went to a top school so

679
00:56:12.000 --> 00:56:17.760
every time she's talking about things it's like in a very competitive manner where I'm not so much

680
00:56:17.760 --> 00:56:23.600
like that per se like not out loud I just tried my best um but and you know the youth talk I don't

681
00:56:23.600 --> 00:56:28.880
know if you're keeping up with youth sports but it's actually ridiculous right now like the stuff

682
00:56:28.880 --> 00:56:34.480
that kids are doing and you're trying to keep up and I want my son to do things he enjoys but I'm

683
00:56:34.480 --> 00:56:39.360
definitely not doing to the level that other parents are doing with the personal trainers and

684
00:56:39.360 --> 00:56:47.120
then the traveling and so I don't know if it's just all the dynamics or if it's her and it but

685
00:56:47.120 --> 00:56:52.960
I'm just like since we're entering this coaching and we're talking about the community um I don't

686
00:56:52.960 --> 00:56:57.600
know what's going on I want to run away from her truly and I can't figure out why she's only been

687
00:56:57.600 --> 00:57:04.640
so nice to me but I just always try to avoid her now and I like since we moved over and one more

688
00:57:04.640 --> 00:57:10.160
thing Jackie you know how I move and my son goes to a new soccer team yeah she's on the same team

689
00:57:10.160 --> 00:57:16.640
she moved her son to the same team it's a very competitive team um like on purpose like you

690
00:57:16.640 --> 00:57:22.320
move first and she followed you or just just coincidentally I think it's coincidental um but I

691
00:57:22.320 --> 00:57:26.800
told her they're like when we were doing tryouts there were several teams and I told her yeah we're

692
00:57:26.800 --> 00:57:32.080
going with this one and she kept asking me which one am I going for so I'm like maybe she leaned

693
00:57:32.080 --> 00:57:38.800
towards the one I was but okay let me run away from that whole thing but I didn't well I I can't

694
00:57:38.800 --> 00:57:46.240
trust right now as your coach I can't trust your perspective because we already know that you are

695
00:57:46.240 --> 00:57:54.800
afraid of women right you know betrayal or you know you've had bad experiences so let's let's talk

696
00:57:54.800 --> 00:58:00.400
about this because we don't want that counterfeit version of you that has had the trauma and now

697
00:58:00.400 --> 00:58:06.560
has a belief about women and creates an identity where you don't have close female friends or you

698
00:58:06.560 --> 00:58:11.920
know you don't trust women and then the outcome of not having close female relationships because

699
00:58:11.920 --> 00:58:18.080
female relationships are really important in all women's lives so it sounds to me and this is one

700
00:58:18.080 --> 00:58:25.520
thing first of all I'd like to know do you know your Enneagram no okay well like what does that

701
00:58:25.520 --> 00:58:30.320
mean like what my type I don't know all those little it's well it's just it's just a personality

702
00:58:30.320 --> 00:58:35.200
test is any is everyone know there are Enneagrams in here anybody like I'm a logical thinker any

703
00:58:35.200 --> 00:58:41.040
time I think those personality test yeah like a logical thinker a critical thinker I like that

704
00:58:41.040 --> 00:58:48.640
finding yeah if I was gonna guess I would say that you're probably a five six on the Enneagram

705
00:58:49.440 --> 00:58:56.640
or possibly also a nine one you know that's probably and what you're describing without even

706
00:58:56.640 --> 00:59:03.520
knowing this woman what you're describing to me is a three and probably a three two okay so her

707
00:59:03.520 --> 00:59:09.120
planning that for you her you know being like oh she's new let me you know her birthday let me do

708
00:59:09.120 --> 00:59:16.000
this for her but the three is the achiever and what happens friends if we're around people who you

709
00:59:16.000 --> 00:59:20.720
know they're achieving that is where they're that's where their counterfeit lives sometimes our

710
00:59:20.720 --> 00:59:25.520
counterfeit can be warring with another person's counterfeit it doesn't mean they're a bad person

711
00:59:25.520 --> 00:59:29.360
it doesn't mean that they're up to no good it doesn't mean that they're doing anything

712
00:59:29.360 --> 00:59:35.680
but to you know try to harm us or hurt us in any way but for some reason their counterfeit

713
00:59:35.680 --> 00:59:42.160
triggers our counterfeit and that's what this sounds like is happening here to me okay it sounds

714
00:59:42.160 --> 00:59:49.280
like her counterfeit which is you know achieving and competing not that she's competing with you but

715
00:59:49.280 --> 00:59:54.800
people that are Enneagram threes which is the achiever like they don't feel any significance in

716
00:59:54.800 --> 01:00:00.000
life outside of their accomplishments and the thing is is that because of that

717
01:00:03.740 --> 01:00:07.040
should do this and you should try to be better at this. And I'm doing this and I'm getting

718
01:00:07.040 --> 01:00:12.600
better at this and I'm achieving and I'm succeeding. And it's not them necessarily trying to

719
01:00:12.600 --> 01:00:17.640
now some people, yes, they're trying to rub it in people's face and they're trying to say

720
01:00:17.640 --> 01:00:23.760
I'm better than you. But most of those people are just talking out of that, that place in

721
01:00:23.760 --> 01:00:27.240
their heart where that identity lives, right? Because out of the abundance of the heart

722
01:00:27.240 --> 01:00:33.360
the mouth speaks, right? And so being around her for someone like you could be exhausting.

723
01:00:33.360 --> 01:00:37.640
It could be like, you know, I feel like this woman's performing and I don't want to perform

724
01:00:37.640 --> 01:00:42.600
and here we are together. And so is she going to be your bestie? No, but is she someone

725
01:00:42.600 --> 01:00:48.880
who's dangerous necessarily to you? Probably not. You know, probably not. I don't, you

726
01:00:48.880 --> 01:00:52.320
haven't said anything that makes me feel like, you know, and she's out to sabotage you or

727
01:00:52.320 --> 01:00:58.280
hurt you in any way. And I think it's a really, really good opportunity for you to see that

728
01:00:58.280 --> 01:01:06.440
women can be not necessarily your cup of tea or your vibe and also not be, you know, any

729
01:01:06.440 --> 01:01:13.440
dangerous to you or anything to, you know, be hyper vigilant about, you know? Yeah, she

730
01:01:13.440 --> 01:01:19.760
doesn't feel dangerous at all. If anything, she's just extremely generous. And it's just

731
01:01:19.760 --> 01:01:26.120
sometimes it's too much in a way. And that's why I get a little. Do you feel like she

732
01:01:26.120 --> 01:01:32.600
is that she would be generous back? Yeah, sometimes I think like she should invite us

733
01:01:32.600 --> 01:01:38.880
over for like a dinner, like her husband likes to talk to the ex one cook. And they'll do

734
01:01:38.880 --> 01:01:43.800
this elaborate. They have this nice home. I don't, I'm not doing all of that. But then

735
01:01:43.800 --> 01:01:48.520
it's like, then it's my turn to invite them or at least that's what I'm thinking. Because

736
01:01:48.520 --> 01:01:54.960
you know, they did this really grand gesture. Is it possible that you're just having trouble

737
01:01:54.960 --> 01:02:03.160
receiving without reciprocating? Maybe, but it's a lot to receive. Like every, every game

738
01:02:03.160 --> 01:02:11.400
day, every weekend is a large invite for like a fun trip to something or like, it's a bunch

739
01:02:11.400 --> 01:02:17.860
of people, right? Not just you. Oh, usually it's just me and my son and her and her son

740
01:02:17.860 --> 01:02:25.420
and her girls, does your son and her son really like each other? They do. Yeah. Yeah.

741
01:02:25.420 --> 01:02:31.580
I mean, there are people like that. There are people that just they like to host. They

742
01:02:31.580 --> 01:02:38.080
like to entertain. They, you know, it's part of what makes them feel happy. And so, you

743
01:02:38.080 --> 01:02:44.620
know, if if you never felt like she was giving you any resentment vibe or, you know, never

744
01:02:44.620 --> 01:02:51.160
has said anything like even off-handed about, you know, you reciprocating, then I would

745
01:02:51.160 --> 01:02:58.880
just enjoy the favor. Yeah, no, she's actually really, really sweet. And it's just the negative

746
01:02:58.880 --> 01:03:05.440
part about her is that she's competitive. So when we are together, she's always complaining

747
01:03:05.440 --> 01:03:10.800
and it's, and I know it's because of her nature. Explain, explain that part. What's that sound

748
01:03:10.800 --> 01:03:16.140
like? So she's competitive, but we don't, we need, we need proof. Okay. Okay. The proof,

749
01:03:16.140 --> 01:03:20.100
okay. Let's say, for instance, so we're going to this new soccer team and then she's at the

750
01:03:20.100 --> 01:03:25.820
tryouts too. And it's a good soccer team. And then her son gets placed at a lower level

751
01:03:25.820 --> 01:03:31.640
than my son. So now she's so angry. She's like, she's paying all this money, not for her

752
01:03:31.640 --> 01:03:35.780
child to be on the lower team. And she's asking me, what did I do? Which pushed us out to

753
01:03:35.780 --> 01:03:40.520
me? I didn't do any of that. Like, you know, I'm like, he just, he just came to tryouts.

754
01:03:40.520 --> 01:03:45.060
And she's like, well, go, go talk to the coach. Can you go ask him like, what is he considering?

755
01:03:45.060 --> 01:03:49.000
Cause I tried to talk to him. He wouldn't say anything to me. And I'm like, what? I don't

756
01:03:49.000 --> 01:03:53.720
like, I'm just relaxing. Like, I'm not taking it to that level, but I do just so she can

757
01:03:53.720 --> 01:03:58.260
kind of calm down. And then I'm talking to the coach. And then we end up knowing someone.

758
01:03:58.260 --> 01:04:03.460
So we're having a good long conversation. Then when I get back to her, she's so angry.

759
01:04:03.460 --> 01:04:11.360
Like, how did he talk to me for that long? And not her. And she just did it. And so she

760
01:04:11.360 --> 01:04:15.240
was emailing the coach from the coach. Here's my question, though. Is that really directed

761
01:04:15.240 --> 01:04:20.280
at you? Or is it just directed at her not being able to get what she wants? Because

762
01:04:20.280 --> 01:04:25.600
it sounds, yeah, she just really wants, you know, her son to be an achiever like her.

763
01:04:25.600 --> 01:04:29.640
And she wants him to be his best and it'd be hard to have a mommy like that. So good

764
01:04:29.640 --> 01:04:35.860
luck to him. But at the same time, you know, it just sounds like, you know, she's just,

765
01:04:35.860 --> 01:04:39.620
you know, she's just kind of eliciting help from you like, Hey, ask them or do this or

766
01:04:39.620 --> 01:04:43.380
do that. It doesn't sound like she's competing with you or your son, not to me at least.

767
01:04:43.380 --> 01:04:48.580
No, I don't, I don't, I don't feel that vibe at all. It's just that it's like, I feel

768
01:04:48.580 --> 01:04:54.740
like she could just kind of relax and eventually from what she did, he got on the team. I don't

769
01:04:54.740 --> 01:04:59.220
know. She claimed she did nothing, but she told me that she was emailing. But I don't

770
01:05:04.080 --> 01:05:06.120
Like every time I hear a story,

771
01:05:06.120 --> 01:05:09.360
it's this competitive complaining, like,

772
01:05:09.360 --> 01:05:11.640
and for me, those kinds of vibes, like,

773
01:05:11.640 --> 01:05:13.680
it's kind of annoying, like, you know?

774
01:05:13.680 --> 01:05:14.880
But she's successful.

775
01:05:14.880 --> 01:05:17.520
Maybe that's how she got to where she is.

776
01:05:17.520 --> 01:05:19.920
I just don't wanna hear it all day.

777
01:05:19.920 --> 01:05:21.400
Like if I'm over at dinner,

778
01:05:21.400 --> 01:05:25.120
she's saying another story about something.

779
01:05:25.120 --> 01:05:27.000
- Yeah, listen, you're allowed to not like

780
01:05:27.000 --> 01:05:29.720
someone's personality, even if they're generous

781
01:05:29.720 --> 01:05:31.280
and nice and kind to you.

782
01:05:31.280 --> 01:05:33.400
If you don't like them, if you feel like,

783
01:05:33.400 --> 01:05:36.840
you know, the environment is poisonous to your,

784
01:05:36.840 --> 01:05:39.560
you know, to your heart in any way, shape, or form,

785
01:05:39.560 --> 01:05:40.520
you feel exhausted.

786
01:05:40.520 --> 01:05:42.280
And friends, this is for all of you.

787
01:05:42.280 --> 01:05:45.640
You know, we have different circles,

788
01:05:45.640 --> 01:05:47.280
and I don't know if I talked to Vivian about this.

789
01:05:47.280 --> 01:05:48.640
I talked to one of you about,

790
01:05:48.640 --> 01:05:51.840
we need to be careful of what we say when we say,

791
01:05:51.840 --> 01:05:53.360
that's my friend.

792
01:05:53.360 --> 01:05:55.560
Because you should have few friends.

793
01:05:55.560 --> 01:05:57.040
You have a lot of acquaintances,

794
01:05:57.040 --> 01:05:58.720
you have a lot of associates,

795
01:05:58.720 --> 01:06:01.280
but friends should be more of an inner circle situation.

796
01:06:01.280 --> 01:06:03.840
People shouldn't even get the label friend

797
01:06:03.840 --> 01:06:06.400
unless they're actually your friend, okay?

798
01:06:06.400 --> 01:06:08.920
And so it's important that, you know,

799
01:06:08.920 --> 01:06:11.520
that friendships are reciprocal relationships,

800
01:06:11.520 --> 01:06:13.360
and they're people that, you know,

801
01:06:13.360 --> 01:06:15.040
there's different levels of friendship,

802
01:06:15.040 --> 01:06:16.800
but if they're not truly a friend,

803
01:06:16.800 --> 01:06:18.320
if they're just someone that you met one time,

804
01:06:18.320 --> 01:06:19.360
they're not your friend.

805
01:06:19.360 --> 01:06:21.080
Extraverts have a hard time with this.

806
01:06:21.080 --> 01:06:22.880
They think everybody's their friend.

807
01:06:22.880 --> 01:06:24.680
Like, oh, they're my friend over here.

808
01:06:24.680 --> 01:06:25.520
Oh, you need that?

809
01:06:25.520 --> 01:06:26.400
Let me call my friend.

810
01:06:26.400 --> 01:06:27.240
Oh, who's your friend?

811
01:06:27.240 --> 01:06:29.720
Oh, yeah, I just met them in line at, you know,

812
01:06:29.720 --> 01:06:30.760
at the pigly wiggly.

813
01:06:30.760 --> 01:06:31.800
No, that's not your friend.

814
01:06:31.800 --> 01:06:33.240
You don't even know that person.

815
01:06:33.240 --> 01:06:34.560
You got their information.

816
01:06:34.560 --> 01:06:38.520
They're your contact now, but they're not your friend, right?

817
01:06:38.520 --> 01:06:40.800
And so we don't have to be friends,

818
01:06:40.800 --> 01:06:44.000
especially deeper friends with people.

819
01:06:44.000 --> 01:06:46.360
There are usually friendships that happen

820
01:06:46.360 --> 01:06:49.160
as a result of reasons and seasons,

821
01:06:49.160 --> 01:06:51.080
and then there are lifetime friends.

822
01:06:51.080 --> 01:06:52.920
And so in Vivian's case,

823
01:06:52.920 --> 01:06:56.880
this friendship happened because both of their sons

824
01:06:56.880 --> 01:06:58.360
are on a soccer team together.

825
01:06:58.360 --> 01:07:01.200
So there's a reason and it's very seasonal.

826
01:07:01.200 --> 01:07:03.560
They're not always going to be on the same soccer team.

827
01:07:03.560 --> 01:07:05.480
You know, is she going to seek this person out

828
01:07:05.480 --> 01:07:08.080
because she just enjoys her so much

829
01:07:08.080 --> 01:07:10.800
after their sons no longer play together on the soccer team?

830
01:07:10.800 --> 01:07:12.400
No, she's not.

831
01:07:12.400 --> 01:07:14.840
But you know, being friends with people in those seasons,

832
01:07:14.840 --> 01:07:17.160
being friends with them to whatever level

833
01:07:17.160 --> 01:07:19.280
you want to be friends with them, that's great.

834
01:07:19.280 --> 01:07:20.280
It's wonderful.

835
01:07:20.280 --> 01:07:21.800
But they don't have to be your favorite person.

836
01:07:21.800 --> 01:07:22.720
They don't have to be the person

837
01:07:22.720 --> 01:07:25.160
you want to go on a 20-hour road trip with.

838
01:07:25.160 --> 01:07:26.560
Okay, those are your life or friends.

839
01:07:26.560 --> 01:07:29.200
Those are the people you really, really deeply enjoy.

840
01:07:29.200 --> 01:07:31.520
So I wouldn't overthink it.

841
01:07:31.520 --> 01:07:33.640
And I also, once again,

842
01:07:33.640 --> 01:07:35.520
I don't think her complaining,

843
01:07:35.520 --> 01:07:38.040
her counterfeit of needing to be the best

844
01:07:38.040 --> 01:07:40.040
or having her son needing to be the best

845
01:07:40.040 --> 01:07:41.360
or need to be on the best team

846
01:07:41.360 --> 01:07:44.880
or, you know, needing to show off her house or her food

847
01:07:44.880 --> 01:07:46.320
'cause that could be what it is.

848
01:07:46.320 --> 01:07:49.720
And if that's the case, that's all on her.

849
01:07:49.720 --> 01:07:51.040
None of it's on you.

850
01:07:51.040 --> 01:07:54.080
Don't let her counterfeit bring out your counterfeit

851
01:07:54.080 --> 01:07:56.480
of like distrusting or disliking, you know,

852
01:07:56.480 --> 01:07:58.880
women with ulterior motives

853
01:07:58.880 --> 01:08:00.960
because that's all on her, right?

854
01:08:00.960 --> 01:08:01.780
It's all good.

855
01:08:01.780 --> 01:08:05.640
And you know what, you can politely decline.

856
01:08:05.640 --> 01:08:08.600
- Yeah, that's true.

857
01:08:08.600 --> 01:08:12.160
- Now it sounds like you may have to take one for the team

858
01:08:12.160 --> 01:08:14.320
literally every once in a while

859
01:08:14.320 --> 01:08:16.439
by not declining every offer

860
01:08:16.439 --> 01:08:19.439
so that, you know, your son, her son, can you be friends?

861
01:08:19.439 --> 01:08:21.439
So don't go every time she invites you,

862
01:08:21.439 --> 01:08:22.800
maybe go every third time.

863
01:08:23.640 --> 01:08:25.160
(laughs)

864
01:08:25.160 --> 01:08:26.000
- Yeah.

865
01:08:26.000 --> 01:08:28.080
And then just remember, this is all about hers,

866
01:08:28.080 --> 01:08:29.080
not about you.

867
01:08:29.080 --> 01:08:33.560
You guys, people have issues

868
01:08:33.560 --> 01:08:36.399
and they don't have great coaches.

869
01:08:36.399 --> 01:08:38.960
- Yeah, that's true.

870
01:08:38.960 --> 01:08:39.920
I think about that too.

871
01:08:39.920 --> 01:08:42.680
And I'm working on, is there something in me?

872
01:08:42.680 --> 01:08:44.120
Should I be more patient?

873
01:08:44.120 --> 01:08:47.520
And I don't know why I'm running away from her.

874
01:08:47.520 --> 01:08:48.359
I don't know.

875
01:08:48.359 --> 01:08:50.120
- I don't know, but can I call you out?

876
01:08:50.120 --> 01:08:51.120
Please.

877
01:08:51.120 --> 01:08:54.120
- Okay, I'm just gonna just a little call out, okay?

878
01:08:54.120 --> 01:08:54.960
- Yeah, go for it.

879
01:08:54.960 --> 01:08:55.960
- Love.

880
01:08:55.960 --> 01:08:59.319
It seems to me that you give men a lot more grace than women.

881
01:08:59.319 --> 01:09:02.240
- Yeah.

882
01:09:02.240 --> 01:09:04.479
- With their behavior defects.

883
01:09:04.479 --> 01:09:07.640
- Sadly, that's true.

884
01:09:07.640 --> 01:09:09.800
Although it's like very few

885
01:09:09.800 --> 01:09:11.960
and maybe that's even why too.

886
01:09:11.960 --> 01:09:14.080
- Yeah, just seems that way.

887
01:09:14.080 --> 01:09:16.120
I'm not saying it is that way, but you know,

888
01:09:16.120 --> 01:09:18.399
let's, you know, cut a girl a break.

889
01:09:18.399 --> 01:09:20.560
You don't gotta be your bestie though, for sure.

890
01:09:20.560 --> 01:09:21.920
You don't gotta be your bestie.

891
01:09:21.920 --> 01:09:24.399
You guys, you know, we're not gonna like everyone

892
01:09:24.399 --> 01:09:27.120
and we don't have to feel bad about it.

893
01:09:27.120 --> 01:09:29.279
You're not gonna like everyone for sure,

894
01:09:29.279 --> 01:09:33.160
but everyone's gonna have definite flaws for sure.

895
01:09:33.160 --> 01:09:35.240
So Vivian, okay.

896
01:09:35.240 --> 01:09:39.880
So, oh, Ari, Ari has her hand up.

897
01:09:39.880 --> 01:09:41.359
I wanted to do another little exercise,

898
01:09:41.359 --> 01:09:42.240
but I'm gonna get Ari

899
01:09:42.240 --> 01:09:44.560
and then we'll do another little exercise.

900
01:09:44.560 --> 01:09:45.880
Okay, what do you got?

901
01:09:45.880 --> 01:09:50.319
- Hey Jackie, possibly a little bit off topic,

902
01:09:50.319 --> 01:09:52.319
but it may, I think it may be relevant to some things

903
01:09:52.319 --> 01:09:55.280
that haven't been able to answer in previous worksheets.

904
01:09:55.280 --> 01:09:56.880
Anyway, a friend asked today

905
01:09:56.880 --> 01:09:59.000
if I've ever romantically loved someone

906
01:10:06.400 --> 01:10:11.600
trying to think through that, to me, the definition of that is it's a mutual love. Like you can't

907
01:10:11.600 --> 01:10:17.600
romantically love someone who doesn't love you back, right? That's just my thought process for it.

908
01:10:17.600 --> 01:10:21.360
But what, how would you define that? What's your take on what it is?

909
01:10:24.960 --> 01:10:30.320
To me, romantic love, I mean, reciprocated romantic love would be what you're describing.

910
01:10:30.320 --> 01:10:38.240
But to me, romantic love would be, you know, any type of feeling, you know, infatuation,

911
01:10:38.240 --> 01:10:45.840
you know, any feeling towards another person that is not platonic, you know, you want to be

912
01:10:45.840 --> 01:10:53.680
romantically sexually involved with them, whether that's, you know, you feel amorous towards them,

913
01:10:53.680 --> 01:11:00.000
but not in a platonic way. Like all of us have platonic loved people, right? You love people

914
01:11:00.000 --> 01:11:03.840
that you want to have no sexual contact with, right? Everyone raise your hand. Hopefully you've

915
01:11:03.840 --> 01:11:09.680
loved lots of people that you want nothing sexually to do with. Okay, even single people that could

916
01:11:09.680 --> 01:11:14.400
be viable, but you still just platonic love them nothing more. And then, you know, then there's

917
01:11:14.400 --> 01:11:20.480
people that you feel, you know, you feel different feelings towards, you know, you feel an infatuation

918
01:11:20.480 --> 01:11:25.600
towards them. You have romantic fantasy about them, not necessarily of having sex with them or

919
01:11:25.600 --> 01:11:31.360
anything sexual in general, but just of being romantically loved by them, of them wanting you

920
01:11:31.360 --> 01:11:37.520
or choosing you. So crushes, all of that, in my opinion, would be a romantic feeling.

921
01:11:37.520 --> 01:11:43.760
Okay. So have you ever, does it change your answer?

922
01:11:43.760 --> 01:11:50.400
Well, but in that case, I have, but like to me, it was one of the things, it has to be mutual.

923
01:11:50.480 --> 01:11:55.600
Or else it's not romantic love. And this friend was like, well, then maybe you're blocking

924
01:11:55.600 --> 01:11:59.680
those sort of relationships with that, that sort of definition of it.

925
01:11:59.680 --> 01:12:03.920
Well, let's dig a little deeper. Okay. So in your mind, it's like, well, you know,

926
01:12:03.920 --> 01:12:08.160
I'm not going to categorize it as that if they didn't reciprocate. Did they have the ability to

927
01:12:08.160 --> 01:12:16.000
reciprocate? Meaning did they know? Yes. And in some cases, it's been the other person toward me.

928
01:12:16.000 --> 01:12:20.960
And it was me, I was the new. Okay. That's fine. But we're only talking about your feelings towards

929
01:12:20.960 --> 01:12:26.080
others. So the people that you would have been interested in developing something that you would

930
01:12:26.080 --> 01:12:30.320
consider romantic, that you would have been open to it, did they all know?

931
01:12:30.320 --> 01:12:40.000
I would say yes. Okay. And they said no. They weren't used to a relationship. Yeah.

932
01:12:40.000 --> 01:12:44.880
Okay. They weren't looking for a relationship. So you had some kind of connection with them,

933
01:12:44.880 --> 01:12:51.360
but they didn't want anything serious. Right. Okay. All right. Well, that's fair. And you know,

934
01:12:51.360 --> 01:12:55.760
you guys, when we, so the very next thing that we're going to do is we're going to do a relationship

935
01:12:55.760 --> 01:13:02.720
autopsy. And that includes your deep friendships. So it's going to include all dynamics of intimate

936
01:13:02.720 --> 01:13:06.880
relationships. So for some of you to include family members, because that's all you have to go on,

937
01:13:06.880 --> 01:13:11.360
because you haven't had any deep friendships or romantic relationships for Ari, it would

938
01:13:11.360 --> 01:13:16.800
be deep friendships. It could be these near misses, the people that she had an amorous feeling for,

939
01:13:16.800 --> 01:13:20.720
but they didn't have it for her, someone that had it for her, but she didn't have it for them.

940
01:13:20.720 --> 01:13:25.200
What we're looking for is patterns. We're looking for what are these things have in common? What

941
01:13:25.200 --> 01:13:30.800
was the disconnect? Why didn't it go any further? For those of you that have nothing romantic to

942
01:13:30.800 --> 01:13:35.600
go on at all, you had no crushes and no one had any crushes on you. Is that anyone here, by the way?

943
01:13:37.520 --> 01:13:41.280
Absolutely zero crushes and no one has ever had a crush on you that you know of.

944
01:13:41.280 --> 01:13:47.840
Okay, good. That's nobody. All right. So, but you can also include friendships that

945
01:13:47.840 --> 01:13:51.520
have been good and also haven't been good.

946
01:13:51.520 --> 01:13:59.360
You know, because what are we looking for as we're looking for patterns of how you show up in

947
01:13:59.360 --> 01:14:12.240
relationship? Okay. Cool. Ari, how old are you? I'm 38. You're 38 or 30? 38. Okay. I couldn't

948
01:14:12.240 --> 01:14:18.320
tell what you said. All right. You're 38. All right. Perfect. Great age. Great age for love story.

949
01:14:18.320 --> 01:14:26.960
All right. All right. So, it's 818 right now. Anyone else have any wins to share, breakthroughs

950
01:14:26.960 --> 01:14:30.640
to share? Uh-huh. Moments to share.

951
01:14:30.640 --> 01:14:48.720
Jackie, I have a question. Go ahead, Katherine. Is the imposter syndrome? Is that like a self-sabotage

952
01:14:50.640 --> 01:14:56.400
personality? I don't know what to category. Do you feel like an imposter?

953
01:14:56.400 --> 01:14:59.840
Well, what's funny is, um, I'm in my first year.

954
01:15:05.020 --> 01:15:09.940
my background is in higher ed so I never had to do that.

955
01:15:09.940 --> 01:15:19.140
So it is like, like I don't know what I'm doing at them, like I don't know, like I'm

956
01:15:19.140 --> 01:15:23.460
just making connections with people but I'm like how do this, how does this translate

957
01:15:23.460 --> 01:15:31.040
over into like business, like I went to one today and I, the reason I'm tearing up is

958
01:15:31.040 --> 01:15:38.820
because I'm expending a lot of energy on, I have mold in my house right now and this

959
01:15:38.820 --> 01:15:47.780
like relates to my chronic illness that I sort of I elaborated on in my questionnaire.

960
01:15:47.780 --> 01:15:53.300
So I feel like I'm doing actually really well as far as controlling because I'm like checking

961
01:15:53.300 --> 01:15:57.620
in with the people, there's a little bit of anxiety but I'm like this, it's gonna, it's

962
01:15:57.620 --> 01:16:04.340
gonna get taken care of, I'm not like white knuckling everything but it's just interesting

963
01:16:04.340 --> 01:16:08.780
because today I was like I'm gonna show up to this, I'm not gonna get dressed up, I'm

964
01:16:08.780 --> 01:16:13.940
just like my goal today is just to show up and it's a group of Christian women in business

965
01:16:13.940 --> 01:16:21.140
and it was so funny because at the end, like I've only seen these women once a month for

966
01:16:21.140 --> 01:16:26.380
maybe a year and one of them, she came over to me and she gave me a hug and she's like

967
01:16:26.380 --> 01:16:30.980
how are you doing and I was like good and she's like are you lying to me and I was like

968
01:16:30.980 --> 01:16:40.180
a little bit and I was like wow she could, she could tell first of all but I like haven't

969
01:16:40.180 --> 01:16:49.060
quite connected the dots between like, I haven't raised my hand yet because I was like I don't

970
01:16:49.060 --> 01:16:54.660
even know what language to put on this but like the imposter of like I don't know what

971
01:16:54.660 --> 01:17:02.020
I'm supposed to be doing and my, my counterfeits have to do with like people pleasing and so

972
01:17:02.020 --> 01:17:06.500
it's like I'm showing up and I feel like I'm not myself because I don't know what I'm

973
01:17:06.500 --> 01:17:14.640
supposed to be doing in this, in this like new role as a business owner but then also because

974
01:17:14.640 --> 01:17:20.880
I own my own business like it's just me and the Lord there's no like rubric from your

975
01:17:20.880 --> 01:17:26.260
class or or you know thing from your boss of like you need to check off these things

976
01:17:26.260 --> 01:17:31.580
it's like just me and the Lord of like this is what, this is what we do to build a business

977
01:17:31.580 --> 01:17:39.820
so it's like there's nothing to, there's no instructions, yes you said it, you said it

978
01:17:39.820 --> 01:17:45.440
at the very beginning of your share you said I don't know what I'm doing and you know but

979
01:17:45.440 --> 01:17:52.000
that's not being an imposter, that's being a newbie, not being an imposter you're actually

980
01:17:52.000 --> 01:17:56.720
forming a new identity as a business owner, as a coach, as something that you've never

981
01:17:56.720 --> 01:18:02.960
done before and you know what you're allowed to not know what you're doing, you know you

982
01:18:02.960 --> 01:18:07.440
don't have to be in control, you don't have to have the blueprint, you don't have to have

983
01:18:07.440 --> 01:18:12.500
figured it all out, you don't have to show up as skilled, you know the most beautiful

984
01:18:12.500 --> 01:18:18.220
thing that you can do in this moment of your life is show up as a student, you know I know

985
01:18:18.220 --> 01:18:21.940
the other women that are there, you know they're there to network and some of them are probably

986
01:18:21.940 --> 01:18:30.940
there to show off, you know like Vivian's friend but you know but they're you know they're

987
01:18:30.940 --> 01:18:38.040
going to appreciate someone who shows up wanting to learn and that's really you know that's

988
01:18:38.040 --> 01:18:44.160
how I've gotten to where I am, you know I've been in many many many many rooms where I did

989
01:18:44.160 --> 01:18:48.880
not know anything that the people in the room met knew and that's why I know what I know

990
01:18:48.880 --> 01:18:54.840
now because I was teachable and so I think that that's beautiful and I think that what

991
01:18:54.840 --> 01:19:00.860
it's also exposing in this moment is that you you know you feel out of sorts or insecure

992
01:19:00.860 --> 01:19:06.680
when you don't have you know that when you don't know what you're doing and it's okay

993
01:19:06.680 --> 01:19:13.140
to not know what you're doing, okay so so that that could be a counterfeit of needing

994
01:19:13.140 --> 01:19:18.340
to have it together you said because of what I've done in the past because of my past life

995
01:19:18.340 --> 01:19:24.460
my past career I never had to do this stuff you know because I had all this together I

996
01:19:24.460 --> 01:19:29.500
didn't have to do this but God's taking you someplace new where you've never been before

997
01:19:29.500 --> 01:19:35.640
and isn't it a beautiful thing for sure yeah and also with what you're going through at

998
01:19:35.640 --> 01:19:41.620
home with your body you know that also can make you super sensitive you know with everything

999
01:19:41.620 --> 01:19:47.200
so just be really kind to yourself in the season gentle with yourself and you know I

1000
01:19:47.200 --> 01:19:52.560
love it that that lady said are you telling the truth because once again you it sounds

1001
01:19:52.560 --> 01:19:57.780
like you have a beautiful opportunity to be surrounded by seasoned women who want to

1002
01:19:57.780 --> 01:19:59.140
pour into you so let them

1003
01:20:02.280 --> 01:20:03.320
You don't have to be the coach right now.

1004
01:20:03.320 --> 01:20:04.360
You get to receive.

1005
01:20:04.360 --> 01:20:07.280
Yay.

1006
01:20:07.280 --> 01:20:10.240
Yay, that's good.

1007
01:20:10.240 --> 01:20:12.200
Has anyone, so let's talk about that.

1008
01:20:12.200 --> 01:20:14.200
Angie, go ahead and go, but then I want everyone

1009
01:20:14.200 --> 01:20:17.440
to get ready to tell me what you've received.

1010
01:20:17.440 --> 01:20:20.480
What have you been receiving?

1011
01:20:20.480 --> 01:20:22.320
'Cause remember that's part of what we're doing is

1012
01:20:22.320 --> 01:20:25.640
we're not controlling, we're letting God bring things.

1013
01:20:25.640 --> 01:20:27.840
We're receiving, we're getting good at receiving.

1014
01:20:27.840 --> 01:20:29.840
Okay, Angie, what's your share?

1015
01:20:29.840 --> 01:20:35.880
So I haven't really thought about this too much.

1016
01:20:35.880 --> 01:20:38.760
It might come out really messy, but--

1017
01:20:38.760 --> 01:20:39.960
I love messy.

1018
01:20:39.960 --> 01:20:40.960
Great.

1019
01:20:40.960 --> 01:20:43.200
'Cause I need help with this.

1020
01:20:43.200 --> 01:20:45.680
Last week, I don't remember when,

1021
01:20:45.680 --> 01:20:49.320
and I asked what does testing mean?

1022
01:20:49.320 --> 01:20:51.640
I didn't actually get to finish the homework.

1023
01:20:51.640 --> 01:20:52.480
Sorry.

1024
01:20:52.480 --> 01:20:57.240
Testing, does that come up as a counterfeit?

1025
01:20:57.240 --> 01:20:58.800
And I couldn't think of any examples.

1026
01:20:58.800 --> 01:20:59.720
I didn't know what that meant.

1027
01:20:59.720 --> 01:21:02.760
'Cause I was like, well, when you drop a hanky,

1028
01:21:02.760 --> 01:21:04.560
isn't that testing someone's interest?

1029
01:21:04.560 --> 01:21:07.080
But then you gave a completely different example

1030
01:21:07.080 --> 01:21:08.120
than I was thinking.

1031
01:21:08.120 --> 01:21:10.360
And it sounded like it was probably more of like

1032
01:21:10.360 --> 01:21:15.120
a in a not a innocent hanky kind of way.

1033
01:21:15.120 --> 01:21:17.800
And then so I was trying to think about that.

1034
01:21:17.800 --> 01:21:20.480
And something, I remembered something

1035
01:21:20.480 --> 01:21:22.440
where I guess I had blocked it out

1036
01:21:22.440 --> 01:21:25.720
'cause it was at the end of a relationship

1037
01:21:25.720 --> 01:21:27.680
and it was a terrible ending.

1038
01:21:27.680 --> 01:21:32.320
And something in me just blurted out asking him,

1039
01:21:32.320 --> 01:21:33.680
"Are you testing me?"

1040
01:21:33.680 --> 01:21:35.480
And he said, "Yeah."

1041
01:21:35.480 --> 01:21:37.720
And I don't even remember what he did.

1042
01:21:37.720 --> 01:21:40.200
I don't remember why I even asked that.

1043
01:21:40.200 --> 01:21:43.360
But I think that there's something now

1044
01:21:43.360 --> 01:21:45.680
when I meet people and it starts

1045
01:21:45.680 --> 01:21:49.920
to get a little bit more like getting to know them

1046
01:21:49.920 --> 01:21:51.680
and opening up invulnerability.

1047
01:21:54.040 --> 01:21:56.160
Or if they show that they're really interested,

1048
01:21:56.160 --> 01:22:01.160
I kind of like and get a little bit more of the,

1049
01:22:01.160 --> 01:22:02.640
maybe I'm not so interested.

1050
01:22:02.640 --> 01:22:04.440
I can't really see this going anywhere.

1051
01:22:04.440 --> 01:22:06.960
- Yeah, well, let's first of all,

1052
01:22:06.960 --> 01:22:10.960
I want you to ask yourself why him asking you that,

1053
01:22:10.960 --> 01:22:13.120
why that was traumatic for you?

1054
01:22:13.120 --> 01:22:15.240
You know, like him saying that to you,

1055
01:22:15.240 --> 01:22:17.200
why did that bother you?

1056
01:22:17.200 --> 01:22:20.240
Because it's coming up right now because it did.

1057
01:22:20.240 --> 01:22:22.720
It bothered you that he was testing you.

1058
01:22:22.720 --> 01:22:23.960
Why is he testing you?

1059
01:22:23.960 --> 01:22:26.120
And did you pass the test?

1060
01:22:26.120 --> 01:22:28.920
Obviously not because we're not with him, right?

1061
01:22:28.920 --> 01:22:30.440
Not that you needed to pass the test

1062
01:22:30.440 --> 01:22:31.840
and not that we need to be with him,

1063
01:22:31.840 --> 01:22:36.160
but it's a situation where I think what I'm really sensing,

1064
01:22:36.160 --> 01:22:38.360
Angie, is that you feel like,

1065
01:22:38.360 --> 01:22:42.240
and I used to feel like this, when I was younger,

1066
01:22:42.240 --> 01:22:45.360
I felt like everybody knew something that I didn't know.

1067
01:22:45.360 --> 01:22:48.360
I felt like I was behind in certain areas

1068
01:22:48.360 --> 01:22:51.560
because of my family, kind of where I was coming from.

1069
01:22:51.560 --> 01:22:53.840
And I felt like everybody kind of knew something

1070
01:22:53.840 --> 01:22:57.600
that I didn't know and that I was kind of trying to catch up.

1071
01:22:57.600 --> 01:22:59.920
And I feel like when it comes to this area of your life,

1072
01:22:59.920 --> 01:23:04.040
I feel like you feel like that at times where, you know,

1073
01:23:04.040 --> 01:23:07.600
it's just like, I should be further ahead by now.

1074
01:23:07.600 --> 01:23:11.520
I should be able to do this kind of thing.

1075
01:23:11.520 --> 01:23:16.000
Like, you know, whether it's a cultural disconnect

1076
01:23:16.000 --> 01:23:18.320
or a Christian disconnect or, you know,

1077
01:23:18.320 --> 01:23:21.160
just the way that you think because, like you said,

1078
01:23:21.160 --> 01:23:22.960
you read the question and you were like,

1079
01:23:22.960 --> 01:23:26.640
this means this to me, but obviously everybody else

1080
01:23:26.640 --> 01:23:29.240
knows that it means this thing, you know?

1081
01:23:29.240 --> 01:23:31.320
But it's okay if it means something different.

1082
01:23:31.320 --> 01:23:34.600
I think that God really just wants you to give you permission

1083
01:23:34.600 --> 01:23:38.880
to process the way that Angie processes things

1084
01:23:38.880 --> 01:23:40.360
and the way you look at things.

1085
01:23:40.360 --> 01:23:41.760
And I think he's trying to show you

1086
01:23:41.760 --> 01:23:45.160
that you have a unique perspective that's different

1087
01:23:45.160 --> 01:23:47.800
maybe then instead of feeling like,

1088
01:23:47.800 --> 01:23:49.320
is there something that everybody else knows

1089
01:23:49.320 --> 01:23:51.320
that I don't know thinking, yeah,

1090
01:23:51.320 --> 01:23:54.480
there's something that I know that's different,

1091
01:23:54.480 --> 01:23:57.960
but that's okay because it's not,

1092
01:23:57.960 --> 01:24:00.480
it's not the way that they're thinking is not better.

1093
01:24:00.480 --> 01:24:03.680
Does that make sense at all to what I'm saying right now?

1094
01:24:03.680 --> 01:24:05.240
- I do hear you on that.

1095
01:24:05.240 --> 01:24:08.240
I think the part that's bothering me about him testing me

1096
01:24:08.240 --> 01:24:11.880
is 'cause, I mean, I've been testing secure

1097
01:24:11.880 --> 01:24:13.920
in the attachment styles recently

1098
01:24:13.920 --> 01:24:16.160
because I just, I don't know.

1099
01:24:16.160 --> 01:24:17.000
I've been trying to--

1100
01:24:17.000 --> 01:24:18.480
- Wait, you said you tested a secure

1101
01:24:18.480 --> 01:24:20.240
or you've been testing them?

1102
01:24:20.240 --> 01:24:22.360
- No, I've been testing as secure

1103
01:24:22.360 --> 01:24:24.480
in the attachment tests recently.

1104
01:24:24.480 --> 01:24:26.400
- I got you, I'm talking about you, go ahead.

1105
01:24:26.400 --> 01:24:28.440
- You got me to secure it, thank you.

1106
01:24:28.440 --> 01:24:32.240
But I have tended avoidant previously.

1107
01:24:32.240 --> 01:24:36.080
So I feel like the testing, if I can remember correctly,

1108
01:24:36.080 --> 01:24:38.280
it was testing if I still loved him.

1109
01:24:38.280 --> 01:24:39.880
Again, this was towards the end.

1110
01:24:39.880 --> 01:24:44.880
And like, if I, yeah, just if I loved him or whatnot.

1111
01:24:44.880 --> 01:24:50.240
And I guess, I remember, I used to say or something like that.

1112
01:24:50.240 --> 01:24:54.080
I was like, well, my feelings don't change that much.

1113
01:24:54.080 --> 01:24:56.280
So like, I don't know.

1114
01:24:56.280 --> 01:25:00.280
I realized that people do need a lot of, and I do it.

1115
01:25:04.240 --> 01:25:14.160
So I guess that was the testing of whether I still cared for him. So now if I get any hints of

1116
01:25:14.160 --> 01:25:23.520
anyone like, Hey, are you interested or if they're texting too much or texting like past my bedtime

1117
01:25:23.520 --> 01:25:29.360
or too early in the morning, I'm like, Oh my gosh, this is feeling like pressure. And I feel like

1118
01:25:29.360 --> 01:25:34.960
I have to show up in a certain way. And then part of me kind of shuts down a little bit. And I'm like,

1119
01:25:34.960 --> 01:25:39.760
I don't think that this is going to work because they're a little bit too anxious or too needy or

1120
01:25:39.760 --> 01:25:51.440
something. But maybe they're actually being okay. Okay, so if you know, if that situation with

1121
01:25:51.440 --> 01:25:57.120
whoever that guy was, if it created inside of you, you know, someone who doesn't want to be tested,

1122
01:25:57.840 --> 01:26:03.120
and that is the kind of the counterfeit, because here's the thing, friends, love doesn't test us.

1123
01:26:03.120 --> 01:26:10.000
Okay. Now love wants clarity. That's fine. You know, I mean, there's there's people that, you know,

1124
01:26:10.000 --> 01:26:14.000
they want to know where you are, how you feel, you know, where you're at in the relationship.

1125
01:26:14.000 --> 01:26:19.920
There's nothing wrong with that. But you know, playing games with someone or testing them,

1126
01:26:19.920 --> 01:26:25.440
you know, that is not something that love does. And for all of you that have been told that God

1127
01:26:25.440 --> 01:26:31.520
is testing you, that is some scriptures in the Bible that have been taking wildly out of context.

1128
01:26:31.520 --> 01:26:37.040
Okay. God already knows our hearts. He doesn't have to test them. All right. The bottom line is,

1129
01:26:37.040 --> 01:26:43.840
is that love is not something that is playing games with you. God's not playing games with you.

1130
01:26:43.840 --> 01:26:48.160
And if people are playing games with you, then they're not mature. And so it sounds like this

1131
01:26:48.160 --> 01:26:56.880
man wanted some sort of grand gesture from Angie. And you know, maybe that's not something that,

1132
01:26:56.880 --> 01:27:01.600
you know, you were capable of doing at the time or wanted to do with him, or will ever want to do

1133
01:27:01.600 --> 01:27:06.880
with anyone, because maybe that's not the way you express your love. You know, I'm saying. So,

1134
01:27:06.880 --> 01:27:12.400
just know that if someone's doing something like that, then they're either not right for you,

1135
01:27:12.400 --> 01:27:18.400
or they're just not ready for mature relationship. But I do think Angie that, you know, you do see

1136
01:27:18.400 --> 01:27:23.600
things differently. You have a very literal way of looking at things. It's very creative too. It's

1137
01:27:23.600 --> 01:27:28.960
kind of left and right brain at the same time. It's very interesting. And I think that God has made

1138
01:27:28.960 --> 01:27:34.000
you fearfully and wonderfully. And I want to encourage you to, you know, when you looked at

1139
01:27:34.000 --> 01:27:39.440
that list and you saw that as dropping the hanky, whatever it means to you is what it means to you.

1140
01:27:39.440 --> 01:27:44.320
Like I'm giving you permission to define things the way you wanted to find them,

1141
01:27:44.320 --> 01:27:51.760
and in the way that fits into your schema. Okay, because that is how you are going to get breakthrough.

1142
01:27:51.760 --> 01:27:58.000
I guess I'm a little bit worried that if I'm not showing up and showing affection

1143
01:27:58.000 --> 01:28:04.320
enough, we're in the way that someone needs it, then I feel like, oh, that's, I mean, I know I

1144
01:28:04.320 --> 01:28:12.880
can't miss what's meant for me, but it still feels a little bit like, aww. Well, it's not true.

1145
01:28:12.880 --> 01:28:20.320
I am a black cat married to a golden retriever. Okay, seriously, that man will come and lick my

1146
01:28:20.320 --> 01:28:27.120
face and lay on top of me and just get that physical touch and that quality time regardless.

1147
01:28:27.840 --> 01:28:37.760
And I will secretly love every minute of it even though I'm like, you know, and 20 years in, it

1148
01:28:37.760 --> 01:28:42.720
ain't changed. And you know what, it works for both of us because he knows, he knows that I want

1149
01:28:42.720 --> 01:28:48.880
it even if I can't say it. And I also know that, you know, he's getting his little love tank filled

1150
01:28:48.880 --> 01:28:56.240
as well. So it's all good. The right people are going to see past whatever it is that you think

1151
01:28:56.240 --> 01:29:01.680
is the disqualifier for you and they're going to see you. So let's make it easier on them to see

1152
01:29:01.680 --> 01:29:06.640
you by being the most of our authentic self as we can without thinking that we need to be something

1153
01:29:06.640 --> 01:29:13.360
that we're not. Okay, good. Thank you. Has anyone been receiving raise your hand if you've been

1154
01:29:13.360 --> 01:29:17.760
receiving? We're about three minutes past, but I just want to see put in the chat real quick,

1155
01:29:17.760 --> 01:29:22.240
something that you received this week. Was it a compliment? Doesn't matter what it was, was it

1156
01:29:22.240 --> 01:29:27.840
help doing something? The Lord showing up and really stopping and listening to what the

1157
01:29:27.840 --> 01:29:32.160
nudge of the Holy Spirit is trying to invite you into. Okay, so you've been receiving the Lord

1158
01:29:32.160 --> 01:29:41.520
talking to you showing up for you, helping support, Amy is what else anybody else help from family?

1159
01:29:41.520 --> 01:29:50.480
Love that to you, Dora. Several people company to a food fast help with car from a cute gentleman.

1160
01:29:50.480 --> 01:29:57.040
All right, let's go. My neighborhood bought me fresh eggs from her chickens. Love that. Love that.

1161
01:29:57.040 --> 01:29:59.840
I need a neighbor with chickens allowing people

1162
01:30:05.600 --> 01:30:12.640
okay, to be messy in a moment. Yes, all good, good stuff, help when I was sick for the day.

1163
01:30:12.640 --> 01:30:16.240
These are great things, friends. Okay, while I'm excited about our next assignment,

1164
01:30:16.240 --> 01:30:20.720
we're going to take all the goodness of what we've learned and we're going to put it into an autopsy

1165
01:30:20.720 --> 01:30:25.360
or an audit so that we can take a look at it. So next week's going to be really fun,

1166
01:30:25.360 --> 01:30:30.320
lots of less teaching and just really a lot of coaching. Both calls will probably be coaching calls

1167
01:30:30.320 --> 01:30:35.120
where we're just going over that. So you guys will have that. I'll make sure that I have the team

1168
01:30:35.120 --> 01:30:39.440
put that up by, you know, probably by tomorrow. So you have time to do it. It's going to take a

1169
01:30:39.440 --> 01:30:44.640
little while to do it. So do it over the weekend. So we can just jump right into coaching and sharing

1170
01:30:44.640 --> 01:30:49.840
both. There's really nothing to teach about it. So on Monday and Thursday. And if it works better

1171
01:30:49.840 --> 01:30:54.240
for you guys to just have one coaching call next week, you're like Jackie, the two times a week

1172
01:30:54.240 --> 01:31:00.400
for this. As we go into these, these less teaching, like there's really not going to be a lot of

1173
01:31:00.400 --> 01:31:04.880
teaching anymore. It's going to be all kind of just coaching. So you guys let me know how you

1174
01:31:04.880 --> 01:31:11.200
feel about that. I want to be definitely just respectful of all of your time. And she's like,

1175
01:31:11.200 --> 01:31:17.360
I love it. Let's go. All right, sounds good friends. Those of you that haven't spoken yet at all,

1176
01:31:17.360 --> 01:31:20.640
I'm coming for you. I'll see you soon. Bye everyone.