WEBVTT

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Hey guys, how are we doing?

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Hope you are well.

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Hope life is treating you really, really well.

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I just wanted to jump on here and just say hey, give you a quick little update.

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It's been a little while since I've jumped on in the parenting space.

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I've been working hard on the new platform in the background over the last couple of

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weeks as well as moving my family.

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So I've been a little bit MIA.

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It's been very chaotic, very busy, probably one of the most chaotic and full on seasons

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of my life.

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So we are shifted now, we're in a different house and we're kind of finding a new rhythm

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and a new flow.

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So I just wanted to jump on and say hey and kind of just share a story actually as well

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with you from the other day.

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My wife and I went to a mall not far from where we're living now and we were walking

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through and went into one of the shops and Jackson saw something he really wanted, a

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toy that he really, really wanted.

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Usually when this happens he's able to kind of move on and accept that we can't get him

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every single thing he wants.

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For whatever reason he just could not let go emotionally.

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And so we said hey buddy, we can't get this for you right now, I'm really sorry.

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It's just not going to be able to happen for you and he just couldn't move on.

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And for I think probably at least an hour he was just really pressing the issue, he

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was crying, really like, it was one of those moments where we're in the mall and everyone's

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watching and kind of looking and it's a bit awkward because he's being very loud and making

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a bit of a scene.

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And so it was hard, it was hard for us and the temptation would obviously be let's just

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get him the toy and shut this down.

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But that would have been not the right path and it would have been not the right thing

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to do because it would have communicated to him that whenever he pushes and whenever he

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presses that we're just going to give in.

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And so I wanted to just share what happened with us and we tried some of the tools that

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we talk about in the Parenting Challenge that you'll find on the new platform.

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And at the end of the day what he really just needed for it was we just had to ride it out,

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we just had to ride the wave and it took a while.

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But what we weren't going to do is we weren't going to shut down his emotions either, but

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we weren't just going to give in.

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So we actually had to just ride the wave and say, hey buddy I'm really sorry but we

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can't get you every single toy that you asked for.

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And you see there's this thing, there's this notion of this idea that positive parenting

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or gentle parenting creates spoiled children.

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But I just wanted to clarify the difference between creating a spoiled child and creating

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a confident child.

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And there's a difference which is you create spoiled children by giving them everything

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they want, but you create confident children by giving them everything they need.

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So meeting their needs and being unashamed and over the top about meeting their needs

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such as affection and what are the love languages, go through the love languages, figure out

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what are their needs, physical touch, words of affirmation.

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Be over the top about meeting their needs.

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Don't be ashamed, don't hold back, you're not going to create a spoiled child by being

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over the top for meeting their needs.

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But there's a difference between giving them what they need and giving them everything

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they want.

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That's how you create a spoiled child.

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So to create a resilient child you actually have to not give them everything they want

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and you have to teach them that they have what it takes to go through challenging times.

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That was a really hard thing for Jackson.

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Obviously for us it's just a toy, get over it.

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But for him in that moment it was a really challenging thing.

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But if we gave him that toy we would have actually taught him that he doesn't have

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what it takes to get through that challenging moment.

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But in staying connected with him emotionally we taught him that he's not going to have

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to go through hard things alone.

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There's a difference between creating confident and resilient children and spoiled children.

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You can be over the top in meeting their needs and giving them what they need, but there's

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a big difference between giving them what they need and giving them everything they

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want.

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That's how you create spoiled kids.

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We rode the wave and it was hard and eventually we got through it and he recovered and he's

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fine and luckily we didn't end up teaching him anything that wouldn't have been healthy

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long term.

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We could have very easily done that, it was hard not to just go in and buy the toy just

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so we could move on and enjoy the rest of our day, but we ended up having to shift our

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plans and head home after that, but we recovered and that was the story.

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I just wanted to share that difference between creating a spoiled child and creating a confident

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resilient child.

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It's the difference between meeting needs and giving them everything they want.

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Hope this helps somebody out there.

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It's good to jump on here, it's been a little while, but we're going to get back into the

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flow of things.

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I'm excited, again, what's happening in the new platform.

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If you haven't seen it, you should definitely check it out.

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We've got the whole parenting challenge over there loaded up and ready to go.

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It's really comprehensive, it's very thorough, it was about nine months in the making that

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involved literally hundreds of hours of research and courses and books and it all went into

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a nine part series.

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If you haven't seen it, feel free to check it out, definitely worth your time.

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Bigger and better things to come guys, hope you're doing well and we'll catch you soon.

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Thanks.