If it's fire, it's got to look like fire, feel like fire, smell like fire or something.
Well, welcome to another Raising Home Fire Secret Place Training session.
Hope you really enjoy this session, and I hope that this results in you knowing God
in a deeper and more personal and more connected way.
Well, guys, welcome to another Secret Place Training session.
I'm really excited to share with you today about something that I've been practicing
in my prayer life for a number of years now that's been a huge strength for me.
It's caused my connection with God to grow, my experience of prayer to deepen, my experience
of knowing God to just go to whole new levels, and I pray that it does the same for you.
It's been a really amazing journey for me, actually.
What I really want to talk to you about today is the fact that God doesn't want to just
be in some of your life.
He wants to be in all of your life.
God doesn't want to just be in your triumphs.
He also wants to be in your trash and your tragedies.
God wants to be in every single aspect, attribute, avenue, every single part of who you are and
what you've done and what you will do.
God wants it all.
God paid for it all, and He wants it all.
He knew everything that you would think.
He knew everything that you would do.
He knew everything that you would accomplish.
He knew everything that you would fail at.
He knew everything well before any of it was ever done, and He chose you before the foundation
of the earth.
He counted you worthy of His own life before the foundation of the earth.
He wants all of it.
He doesn't just want your triumphs.
He also wants your trash and your tragedies.
God doesn't want to just celebrate your high points.
He wants to be with you and be invited into those moments that are your low points.
God wants it all.
What I want to talk to you about today is the practice of vulnerability in prayer.
The Bible, Jesus teaches in the Beatitudes, and it's actually Matthew 5 verse 8 if you
want to look it up.
He says this,
I don't know how many of you want to see God more and see God more clearly, but I do.
I want to share in a moment about an experience that I had that caused me to see God in such
a clearer way.
It was an amazing encounter that I had with God.
I'm going to share it in just a couple of moments.
Of course, the New Testament is written in Greek, but Jesus has borrowed this phrase
pure in heart.
There's another time in the Bible that it's mentioned, one other place.
It's in Psalm 73, I think it's in verse 1, where King David says this,
Truly God is good to Israel, to such as are pure in heart.
It's actually a phrase that King David used.
It's an amazing phrase.
Jesus borrowed it and says,
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
When I heard that term pure, and particularly pure in heart, but the word pure for me, I
realized I had a whole bunch of assumptions around what that word meant.
I first read that as those who have a morally clean and morally pure heart, who haven't
done anything to defile themselves, they're kind of clean inside, that those people shall
see God.
Now, I think there is definitely truth in that, and that's part of what the Scripture
means for sure.
I'm totally for that, but I don't think that's really the angle that the Hebrew mind is coming
from as much, or Jesus is coming from as much.
To show you where I think Jesus is coming from, I want to go back to the Hebrew language.
What I did is I went back to Psalm 73, verse 1, to the phrase that David put there, and
I looked into the Hebrew word pure.
The Hebrew word pure there is ba, and I won't get into the whole process of this.
That might be something we do in another session, but basically, in short, the Hebrew language
is very pictorial.
Before we had the modern Hebrew alphabet, they wrote in a different way, similar but
a different way, and it was more like hieroglyphics.
Every Hebrew letter is a picture, and every Hebrew word is kind of like a comic strip
that tells a story.
I won't get into all the details of that, but like I said, maybe we'll do that in a
later session or in another session.
This Hebrew word ba, which is translated pure, for pure in heart, it literally tells a story.
It's made up of two letters, bet and resh, and the first letter is of a man who is a
man of authority standing there, and then the second letter is a picture of a tent with
its door wide open, and there is a mess inside the tent.
There is so much mess.
It's not all tidy inside the tent now if you look at it, it actually if you look at the actual Hebrew word
It actually looks like this
And if you look at the original letters before the modern Hebrew alphabet
It really looks like this with the with the different accents and stuff that are used for this particular word pure. It's pretty amazing actually
and so this is the story that the word tells and
this I think is the
the
The angle that Jesus is coming from
More than the morally pure angle now, I think he's still coming hear me, right?
I think he's still coming from the morally pure angle as well
I think that's part of it, but this is kind of the thing that's underneath there the thing behind the thing
This is the deeper meaning of the word pure in the Hebrew mind is this
It's the picture of a man or of a person the tent represents a life
Someone who has opened up their life and
Shared their mess with someone who is in higher authority to them and invited them to come and help them clean up their mess
I said, hey, I'm in a mess. I want you to see it
Now Jesus is obviously the man of authority blessed of the pure in heart
Blessed of those who say hey, I'm opening my heart and I'm not holding anything back from you
My curtains are open. My door is open. I want you to see everything that's in there and I trust
That you will come in as a spirit of redemption. You will come in and you will restore me from the inside out god
I need help cleaning up my mess. I've made a mess
I've got stuff on the inside that needs cleaning up
There's things that i'm not proud of maybe even things that i'm totally ashamed of
And i'm not going to hide those things from you. I have a pure heart god
My tent door is open to you who can come and help me. I need help
God opposes the proud but he gives grace to the humble
So let's hold that there and now what I want to do is I want to break down the word vulnerability
We're talking about vulnerability and prayer and how powerful that is how powerful the practice of vulnerability is in your prayer life
The word vulnerability the english word
Vulnerability is made up of two words. The second word is ability. We all know what that means to be able ability
the first word is
the uh
The latin word volna, which is which means wounded and what the word really means. It means the ability to be wounded
When we become vulnerable when we are vulnerable to someone we open up our heart to that person
in a particular way where we're
Where they are able to either bless us or wound us and to be vulnerable requires that we trust
The person that we're being vulnerable to enough to know or to trust or to believe
That when we open up our heart in this way, yes, they could wound us if they want to
They could make it hard for us. They could rub salt in the wound. They could make it worse
They could cause the shame to go even deeper or they could come in
And they could come and help and be a blessing and be restoration
And be a breath of fresh air and be healing to us in our place of vulnerability
And this is what we do when we are
Before the lord in relationship with god. We have to go through this process
Where it's not just someone like matt lansdowne or some preacher or some person that has gone through this
Before you that says hey you can trust god
But you actually need to experience for yourself that god can be trusted and when you experience that
It changes something on the inside of you and it draws you into such a deeper place
In your relationship with god that it is amazing and I want to tell you my story
um
I was preaching stuff like this and I was teaching other people about how god can be trusted and about
How god is faithful and about how god is wonderful and we had moved up to fangire at the time
And we'd started bethel church. I've been through two years of
Ministry school and reading california at bethel church there and we'd come here
We'd started the church and we'd started an internship
And I was well on the track of yeah, really teaching this stuff to other people
Um, but I had a I had a moment where I realized I I thought I knew what I was talking about
In other words, I thought I had experienced
I thought I was living what I was talking about and I was to a degree
But there's a moment where god took me into a way deeper experience
Of what I had been preaching for years and here's what happened
We had this internship we had a bunch of interns and part of our our internship was um,
What was we would pray together? I think it was on a tuesday morning
And anyway over the weekend over the monday, I think what had happened and the details honestly are not
um
I can't remember them fully but I think i'd had an argument with my wife and I remember being really ashamed of the way
That I was that I had treated my wife in this particular argument or whatever it was that happened
And I got to the internship and I was like
um
feeling like, man, who am I to lead these amazing people? Who am I to lead these interns? Who am I
to lead them in prayer? Who am I to lead them in anything? I'm an idiot. I'm so ashamed of what
I've done. What a moron. And I was just beating myself up. I just felt so unqualified. I felt so
written off. I felt like low as. And got to the prayer meeting and I thought, you know, I've got
to lead. I've got to lead this prayer meeting. So I got everyone together and we started to pray.
And, you know, the interns are amazing and they just started praying. And I'm so thankful that we
had an amazing internship that year. And they didn't need me to carry them so much. They already
carried me. They just started praying. I remember leaning up against the wall and I remember saying,
God, I've got nothing to give. I've got nothing to offer to this prayer meeting. I don't even know
what I'm doing here. I might just pretend I'm sick and go home. And I remember I heard this
knock, knock, knock on my door and on the door of my heart. Not a physical knock, but I felt this
knocking on my heart. And I remember, I remember feeling the sense of, of God wants to come in.
And then I, as my eyes were closed, I had this vision and Jesus was standing in front of me.
And he had this big smile on his face and he was so proud and so excited to be with me. He just,
I could see how much he loved me. I could see just how delighted he was to be with me. And I,
I was not delighted to be with myself. So I was like, really Jesus? But his, his, his,
the look on his face was so convincing. I mean, he just obviously loved me and he would,
and he would give you the same look as he gave me. And, and I remember thinking, but you can't
see what's going on in my heart right now. You can't see that thing, what I'm ashamed of. And
now I know you're listening to this thinking, yes, he could. I mean, he was there when you had the
argument with your wife and where he knows everything you're ashamed of. He was there.
He saw it all. God sees everything. And I know that too. But for some reason, I felt like I had
the ability to hide this part of myself from God in that moment. And you have the ability to hide
those parts of yourself from God too. And that's the truth of the matter.
And I remember he was not, he wanted to come deeper. And I, and I said, I said, God, if I let
you in, my fear is that you'll lose that smile on your face. My fear is that, that you'll be,
you'll be ashamed of me because I'm ashamed of me. And I'm just assuming that when you see what I see,
when you know what I know, that you'll be ashamed of me too. And I don't, I don't, I don't know what
I'm going to do. I don't know how, how I will handle it. If when I let you into the space and
walk you around this memory inside my heart and invite you into this pain that's within me right
now that I'm ashamed of, invite you into this place of vulnerability, I'm afraid that you're
going to hurt me in that place. And that, that smile on your face is going to, is even just going
to come down a little bit. And, and I'm, I'm afraid that you're going to start to see me different.
You're going to lose who I am. And, and of course I didn't know this consciously, but when I look
back on it, this is what I was thinking is that I'm afraid that you, that you are going to see me
and, uh, and, and define me based on what I've done. And you're going to lose sight of,
of, of this delightful sun and this delightful map that you see in that smile on your face.
And so anyway, it was actually a really hard process and it was really difficult for me to
do this, but I, I, I against the wall in this prayer meeting, my eyes closed, I actually got
my hands on my chest and I imagined that there were two big open, two big door handles on my
chest. And I said, Jesus, I'm going to invite you in. And I, and I opened the doors of my heart,
the doors of my chest wide open. And I said, come on, I want to show you what I'm ashamed of.
And I walked him in and I took him in, this is in a vision, in my imagination. I brought him in my
imagination into the memory of the thing that I was ashamed of in terms of my argument with my
wife. And I just, I just stood and I was just there with him. He was just in that space with me.
And I looked at his face and, and I was so relieved and I was so empowered. And I was,
I felt so loved when I saw like his smile, his delight didn't change. He was acknowledging that
this was not a right thing that I'd done, but he looked at me and he said, thank you. I've been
longing to come into this place. Thank you so much for trusting me with this space within you,
with this memory, with this thing that you're ashamed of. Thank you for trusting me,
not just with your triumphs, but with your trash and with your tragedies as well. Thank you. I've
been longing to come into this place. And he came in and he started to walk me through this memory
of what I, of this experience and this, this, the shame, um, over the weekend.
And as he walked through it, he just, I felt light coming into my body. I felt light coming
into my spirit. I felt the darkness lift. I felt like physical light coming into me.
shoulders lifted off me, and Jesus started to dance around that memory within me, and
He started to clean it up.
The man of authority from outside the tent walked into the tent, only when the owner
of the tent had opened the door to the tent, and He came in.
The bar, the bed, and the rest, He came in, and He restored within me what I couldn't
restore on my own.
He cleaned up inside my heart what I couldn't clean up on my own.
So in opening up the doors of my heart in this way, I've experienced so much healing
internally.
I've experienced such a deeper experience of God's presence in my life, and I want
to encourage you to do the same.
So we're going to go into an activation now, and I'm excited for what God's going
to do in your life.
God bless you, and we'll see you in the activation.
Of course, this is something that's a really powerful thing to have as one of your practices
in prayer on a regular basis, but I want to lead you through something now, and this is
potentially going to bring up some trigger points.
It's not necessarily going to be really easy to begin with, so I just want to warn you
with that, but it's going to be really amazing for you to experience the goodness of God,
the beauty of God, and the presence of God, and the love of God in areas of your life
where you may not have experienced His beauty and presence yet.
I believe there's healing in this for you today.
So what I want you to do first of all is, again, you're going to need a pen, paper,
something to write down on, some quiet space, probably some space without lots of people
around.
What I want you to do is I want you just to think back, and some of you this is going
to be quite uncomfortable, but I want you to think back, and I want you to write down
some memories and some things that you've done in the past that you are in some way
ashamed of, maybe really, really ashamed of.
Maybe you haven't told anybody.
Maybe it's even too much for you to write them down, but I want you to either think
about or preferably write down some areas in your life that you are ashamed of.
Awesome, thanks for doing that, guys.
What I want you to do now is I want you to look through that list, and there might not
be too many things on that list, but I want you to look through that list, and I want
you to find something on that list that you are ready to invite Jesus into, that you're
ready to invite God into.
What I want you to do is I want you to take that thing, that moment in your life, that
thing that happened to you, whatever it is, for me it was my argument with my wife, and
I want you to just put some music on, if that helps you, find some space, and I want
you to do what I did.
I want you to imagine Jesus standing in front of you.
Now Jesus is with you.
This is not a vain imagination.
This is a real imagination.
You are seeing something and imagining something that is real.
I want you to imagine Jesus standing in front of you, and I want you to hear the knock on
your heart, and I want you just to take some time to open up your heart and to walk Jesus
through, to walk God through that memory that you're ashamed of internally.
I want you to invite Him through, walk Him through, show Him through that memory in as
much detail and as much feeling and in as much vibrancy as you can, and I want you just
to see and experience what Jesus does when you walk Him through that dark memory or that
shameful memory within you.
So go ahead and do that now.
Take as long as you need for that.
Awesome, well, thanks for doing that.
I hope you received some breakthrough in that.
If that wasn't as much as what you were expecting, then I just want to encourage you to keep
doing that until you feel and receive the fullness of God's healing in that area of
your life.
For me, in the particular instance that I brought up with you in the session, it was
really quick, but there have been other instances in my life where it's taken multiple times
of just inviting Jesus through, and it's been more of a slower journey of healing for me
on the inside.
And so you might need to keep doing that for a little bit, or it might be done, but what
I want you to do is I want you to make a plan of either finding something else on your list,
or if you feel like you haven't quite finished there with that particular shameful memory
that you're inviting Jesus into and being vulnerable before the Lord with, then I want
you to make a plan of...
of kind of booking another session with Jesus,
booking another session in your quiet time,
in your secret place or in just another time,
a moment in your life.
But I'd encourage you to put it in your calendar right now
as if you're putting in a counseling appointment
in your calendar, but just put it with Jesus
and then make sure you keep that appointment.
And I believe Jesus will counsel you,
he will come in and he will restore you from the inside out.
So God bless you and we'll see you next week.