WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:27.000 Hi guys, welcome to another episode, the final season 2 episode of Truth Talk with Wendy. 2 00:00:27.000 --> 00:00:30.000 Today I have clearly saved the best for last. 3 00:00:30.000 --> 00:00:35.000 I have my sibling brother with me. 4 00:00:35.000 --> 00:00:37.640 This is Brandon Smith. 5 00:00:37.640 --> 00:00:44.000 Some of y'all probably already know him and some of you may not, but we are very, very 6 00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:48.680 similar and we are very, very, very close. 7 00:00:48.680 --> 00:00:54.240 So I don't just consider him my brother, I consider him my very, very dear friend. 8 00:00:54.240 --> 00:01:00.800 And today I wanted to talk to everybody and give you guys a chance to hear from him because 9 00:01:00.800 --> 00:01:06.080 he has been the one that has been my constant from the very beginning. 10 00:01:06.080 --> 00:01:12.600 He was the first person I ever told about what happened to me growing up and he literally 11 00:01:12.600 --> 00:01:13.960 saved my life. 12 00:01:13.960 --> 00:01:19.800 And he has been through a lot, but he has walked me through a lot as well. 13 00:01:19.800 --> 00:01:25.840 So today we're going to turn the focus on to my brother because he has a story that 14 00:01:25.840 --> 00:01:32.200 I think is going to be very, very encouraging, but it's also going to be very enlightening 15 00:01:32.200 --> 00:01:39.720 because our stories are kind of intertwined and I know that the stuff that he's been through 16 00:01:39.720 --> 00:01:46.640 and had to deal with is what ends up getting a lot of men into trouble. 17 00:01:46.640 --> 00:01:52.880 And if you don't handle it in a godly way, it can definitely lead to you doing things 18 00:01:52.880 --> 00:01:54.920 like what happened to me. 19 00:01:54.920 --> 00:02:00.320 And so I think it is a warning and I think it is also just going to be a huge blessing 20 00:02:00.320 --> 00:02:07.040 to hear how God has used these things in his life and just used it to strengthen him in 21 00:02:07.040 --> 00:02:08.320 so many different ways. 22 00:02:08.320 --> 00:02:12.320 So welcome to my brother. 23 00:02:12.320 --> 00:02:13.320 Thank you. 24 00:02:13.320 --> 00:02:14.320 Great to be here. 25 00:02:14.320 --> 00:02:15.320 I know. 26 00:02:15.320 --> 00:02:16.320 I'm so excited. 27 00:02:17.000 --> 00:02:18.000 I know. 28 00:02:18.000 --> 00:02:19.000 I wish it was in person, but it's okay. 29 00:02:19.000 --> 00:02:20.000 It's okay. 30 00:02:20.000 --> 00:02:21.000 I'll get to see you soon enough. 31 00:02:21.000 --> 00:02:22.000 Next best thing. 32 00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:23.000 I know. 33 00:02:23.000 --> 00:02:24.000 Technology. 34 00:02:24.000 --> 00:02:25.000 You got to love it. 35 00:02:25.000 --> 00:02:31.480 I know, but I'll see you in less than four weeks because you have a child getting married. 36 00:02:31.480 --> 00:02:32.480 What is that about? 37 00:02:32.480 --> 00:02:33.480 I know, right? 38 00:02:33.480 --> 00:02:34.480 That's nuts. 39 00:02:34.480 --> 00:02:35.480 I'm still trying to figure it out. 40 00:02:35.480 --> 00:02:36.480 Oh my goodness. 41 00:02:36.480 --> 00:02:37.480 Yeah. 42 00:02:37.480 --> 00:02:38.480 I don't like it either. 43 00:02:38.480 --> 00:02:39.480 Who is this guy? 44 00:02:39.480 --> 00:02:40.480 I'm thinking he's going to take my daughter away from me. 45 00:02:40.480 --> 00:02:41.480 For the love. 46 00:02:41.480 --> 00:02:42.480 I know. 47 00:02:42.480 --> 00:02:43.480 I know. 48 00:02:43.480 --> 00:02:44.480 Exactly. 49 00:02:44.480 --> 00:02:45.480 Exactly. 50 00:02:45.640 --> 00:02:47.640 Well, he's, he will forever be cheeky for me. 51 00:02:47.640 --> 00:02:48.640 Yeah. 52 00:02:48.640 --> 00:02:49.640 I will never. 53 00:02:49.640 --> 00:02:52.680 I don't even, I don't even really think I remember his name when I think of him. 54 00:02:52.680 --> 00:02:53.680 He's not Blake. 55 00:02:53.680 --> 00:02:54.680 He's cheeky, you know? 56 00:02:54.680 --> 00:02:59.280 So it'd be the, we should explain why, because his last name is cheek. 57 00:02:59.280 --> 00:03:00.280 Exactly. 58 00:03:00.280 --> 00:03:01.280 Yes. 59 00:03:01.280 --> 00:03:02.280 There's no weirdness to that. 60 00:03:02.280 --> 00:03:06.560 It was like, I just could only remember cheeky and he just sort of became cheeky. 61 00:03:06.560 --> 00:03:14.200 So anyway, so, all right, well, um, so you and I have talked about this, like, I don't 62 00:03:14.200 --> 00:03:15.280 even know how much. 63 00:03:16.080 --> 00:03:21.360 So many times, but I think it would be good to start with like, uh, like I kind of, I 64 00:03:21.360 --> 00:03:28.000 guess the day that I realized, and you can back up from this, but I remember vividly, 65 00:03:28.000 --> 00:03:29.680 vividly being at church. 66 00:03:29.680 --> 00:03:34.520 I was at Tyler Metro and it was on a Wednesday night and never forget it. 67 00:03:34.520 --> 00:03:40.400 And I was, you know, I think we were eating some food and I got a call from you and it, 68 00:03:40.400 --> 00:03:45.200 you know, of course, any excuse to see you, like, I don't care what it is, but this, this 69 00:03:45.200 --> 00:03:46.840 was not one of those calls. 70 00:03:46.840 --> 00:03:51.800 It was, you know, you were in like, you're just your voice, your tone of voice, just 71 00:03:51.800 --> 00:03:55.920 your whole, uh, I mean, I could think about it and it's just like, you're like, I may 72 00:03:55.920 --> 00:03:57.880 need to come stay with you for a little bit. 73 00:03:57.880 --> 00:03:58.880 And I'm like, come on. 74 00:03:58.880 --> 00:04:01.000 And you're like, no, no, no, that's not what I mean. 75 00:04:01.000 --> 00:04:02.000 And I'm like, what? 76 00:04:02.000 --> 00:04:03.000 It's not for a party. 77 00:04:03.000 --> 00:04:04.000 Yeah. 78 00:04:04.000 --> 00:04:09.000 This is not for, um, yeah, this is not like I'm wanting to come, like I may have no choice. 79 00:04:09.000 --> 00:04:15.520 I need to come stay with you and, um, and just explain to the viewers, you know, what, 80 00:04:15.520 --> 00:04:19.519 what were you, what bomb were you dropping on me that day? 81 00:04:19.519 --> 00:04:25.920 Well, I had, there had already been several other bombs that had gone off, you know, before 82 00:04:25.920 --> 00:04:27.600 I dropped that bomb on you. 83 00:04:27.600 --> 00:04:36.800 But yeah, I basically, uh, got caught looking at porn, you know, um, by Kim, my wife, your 84 00:04:36.800 --> 00:04:50.960 sister-in-law, and, uh, was, uh, uh, a rough time, you know, she, she was adamant about 85 00:04:50.960 --> 00:04:59.960 leaving, um, indefinitely, you know, permanently, uh, and, uh, so I had no choice. 86 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:01.920 no idea what was going to happen. 87 00:05:02.480 --> 00:05:09.740 Uh, although I think on the surface, I was like, no way, I'm not letting her 88 00:05:09.760 --> 00:05:12.040 leave and we're going to work this out. 89 00:05:12.060 --> 00:05:20.860 But like in reality, it was much more like touch and go and you know, it 90 00:05:20.860 --> 00:05:23.280 could have gone either way at that point. 91 00:05:24.100 --> 00:05:28.960 So was that the first time, like the first time that she had caught you or 92 00:05:28.960 --> 00:05:34.640 was it the, like she had suspicions and then, Oh, now she knows first time 93 00:05:34.640 --> 00:05:38.440 she ever knew that I looked at porn. 94 00:05:38.600 --> 00:05:38.800 Yeah. 95 00:05:38.800 --> 00:05:39.240 So, okay. 96 00:05:39.240 --> 00:05:42.280 So that was, she, it was her initial reaction. 97 00:05:42.520 --> 00:05:42.960 Yeah. 98 00:05:43.160 --> 00:05:43.520 Okay. 99 00:05:43.560 --> 00:05:46.440 Um, yeah, we had had a fight earlier. 100 00:05:47.040 --> 00:05:56.000 Um, and, uh, you know, so I went to my, uh, bad place mentally and emotionally 101 00:05:56.680 --> 00:06:02.760 and turned to my crutch, you know, at the time, she just didn't know how 102 00:06:02.760 --> 00:06:05.560 bad it was at that point, right? 103 00:06:05.600 --> 00:06:09.200 Cause I think if she had known how bad it was at that point, it would have been 104 00:06:09.360 --> 00:06:13.360 over, um, cause I was addicted to it. 105 00:06:13.360 --> 00:06:21.000 It wasn't like I, I, you know, I just accidentally, you know, fell once and 106 00:06:21.000 --> 00:06:23.600 that was it and she was out, you know, or whatever. 107 00:06:24.200 --> 00:06:33.400 She, she, um, um, it, it like kind of hit the fan, you know, that this is 108 00:06:33.400 --> 00:06:39.000 something that I really need in my life at that time. 109 00:06:39.240 --> 00:06:39.640 Right. 110 00:06:40.400 --> 00:06:45.240 So in hindsight, it's good that she busted you. 111 00:06:45.440 --> 00:06:47.120 God thing for sure. 112 00:06:47.800 --> 00:06:53.480 It, it freaking flew, flew the, flew the blinds open and let the light 113 00:06:53.480 --> 00:06:57.360 in to, to the reality of the situation. 114 00:06:57.520 --> 00:06:57.800 Yeah. 115 00:06:57.800 --> 00:06:58.800 That's so great. 116 00:06:58.840 --> 00:06:59.160 Yeah. 117 00:06:59.480 --> 00:07:05.000 Um, painful, but you know, however many years later, devastating in so many ways, 118 00:07:05.040 --> 00:07:11.760 but you know, like, like surgery, you know, is painful and life changing, but. 119 00:07:12.320 --> 00:07:13.480 Life saving. 120 00:07:13.920 --> 00:07:14.280 Right. 121 00:07:14.320 --> 00:07:15.000 Absolutely. 122 00:07:15.000 --> 00:07:16.640 It was, it was a God thing. 123 00:07:17.480 --> 00:07:17.960 Yeah. 124 00:07:18.040 --> 00:07:25.480 And, and I, um, I, I remember so clearly that night, like not, I, I was in, of 125 00:07:25.480 --> 00:07:29.240 course, I'm in sister mode of, of course. 126 00:07:29.240 --> 00:07:29.520 Yes. 127 00:07:29.520 --> 00:07:30.520 Do I need to come get you? 128 00:07:30.520 --> 00:07:32.040 Or do you, are you just driving here? 129 00:07:32.040 --> 00:07:34.600 You know, like what, you know, that's, that's a long drive from, you 130 00:07:34.600 --> 00:07:38.000 know, Georgia to Texas, so it wasn't just like, you know, I could just 131 00:07:38.000 --> 00:07:40.400 like run and grab you and come home. 132 00:07:40.800 --> 00:07:47.960 But I knew based on your own, just how, how I heard it in your voice, you 133 00:07:47.960 --> 00:07:52.880 know, that this was not a normal phone call, but then I also had this whole 134 00:07:52.920 --> 00:08:01.480 other side of me that was like, okay, this guy has been like my rock, my, you 135 00:08:01.480 --> 00:08:07.160 know, like he's, he's the anti, um, pervert person, right? 136 00:08:07.160 --> 00:08:10.120 Like he is not that person to me, you know? 137 00:08:10.120 --> 00:08:16.480 And, and so that part was very difficult for me to, you know, kind of process. 138 00:08:16.480 --> 00:08:18.280 And then I was like, oh my gosh, okay. 139 00:08:18.280 --> 00:08:20.400 What, what is Kim thinking right now? 140 00:08:20.400 --> 00:08:24.680 So there was part of me that was like, okay, I'll hold him down, you know, and 141 00:08:24.680 --> 00:08:29.440 you choke him and then we'll just like make him think he's dead, but let's not 142 00:08:29.440 --> 00:08:32.360 kill him, I need him, you know, I need, I still need him. 143 00:08:32.360 --> 00:08:34.000 She's like, no, I'm killing him. 144 00:08:34.039 --> 00:08:34.280 Yeah. 145 00:08:34.280 --> 00:08:34.600 Right. 146 00:08:34.600 --> 00:08:35.240 Exactly. 147 00:08:35.240 --> 00:08:35.440 Yeah. 148 00:08:36.440 --> 00:08:36.919 Yeah. 149 00:08:37.039 --> 00:08:42.320 So there's so much that was going through my head too, but, um, I just knew that, 150 00:08:42.360 --> 00:08:49.280 you know, this was one of those major like crisis, like we, like we are gushing 151 00:08:49.280 --> 00:08:53.560 blood, we just need to wrap a tourniquet and then we can figure out how to fix the 152 00:08:53.560 --> 00:08:57.680 wound after we stopped the bleeding kind of situation. 153 00:08:57.680 --> 00:09:00.280 So what, what happened next? 154 00:09:01.840 --> 00:09:06.560 Uh, she went with, with the kids to her parents and, you know, 155 00:09:06.560 --> 00:09:08.120 and that was for how long? 156 00:09:09.080 --> 00:09:09.800 Oh my gosh. 157 00:09:09.800 --> 00:09:10.800 I don't even remember. 158 00:09:10.800 --> 00:09:13.840 I mean, it wasn't like weeks or months. 159 00:09:13.840 --> 00:09:21.360 I mean, it was, you know, probably a couple of days and, uh, you know, I 160 00:09:21.360 --> 00:09:30.960 remember, um, going to dinner, you know, just the two of us and me just pleading 161 00:09:30.960 --> 00:09:34.080 with her, you know, I want to get help. 162 00:09:34.080 --> 00:09:36.320 I want, I don't want to struggle with this. 163 00:09:36.840 --> 00:09:38.960 I want to get victory over this. 164 00:09:39.120 --> 00:09:47.120 And, and so she agreed, you know, if I would go to counseling with her and, 165 00:09:47.720 --> 00:09:53.760 you know, do some different things, you know, some, some prerequisites or, or, 166 00:09:53.760 --> 00:09:56.160 or whatever you want to call them stipulations. 167 00:09:56.760 --> 00:09:57.200 Yeah. 168 00:09:57.600 --> 00:09:58.600 List of demands. 169 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:12.560 hostage list so yeah and that put us on a journey as a as a couple you know with 170 00:10:12.560 --> 00:10:18.520 her helping me and and holding me accountable to start dealing with what I 171 00:10:18.520 --> 00:10:23.320 came to realize was an addiction and something that I've been dealing with 172 00:10:23.320 --> 00:10:31.760 one way or another since I was little yeah real little yeah like like really 173 00:10:31.760 --> 00:10:38.240 little yeah yeah so like how do you think it all got started what's 174 00:10:38.240 --> 00:10:44.400 interesting is it got started at our church yeah that's the best place to 175 00:10:44.400 --> 00:10:51.440 find porn nowadays I mean literally what in the world finding magazines in 176 00:10:51.440 --> 00:10:57.840 this dump behind the church so was that is that where dad put his stash or like 177 00:10:57.840 --> 00:11:01.480 where did that come from do you have any idea one of the deacons that got you 178 00:11:01.480 --> 00:11:10.640 know asked to clean out his office or something whatever yeah but crazy so you 179 00:11:10.640 --> 00:11:15.800 know and then obviously you know I may have been seven or eight or something at 180 00:11:15.800 --> 00:11:22.720 that point and then you know I mean it's not like porn was everywhere you know 181 00:11:22.720 --> 00:11:29.200 right in your seven or eight well images I literally I thought this day can can 182 00:11:29.200 --> 00:11:38.800 can if I want to pull multiple images up of that magazine that I saw at seven 183 00:11:38.840 --> 00:11:46.800 that was literally 40 years ago 40 plus yeah yeah I was giving you the benefit 184 00:11:46.800 --> 00:11:53.400 of 50 now I know but yeah so you know and then obviously mom and dad got 185 00:11:53.400 --> 00:12:03.800 divorced when I was 11 and going to moms and and our stepdads every other 186 00:12:03.800 --> 00:12:08.520 weekend and several weeks in the summer and you know over Christmas and all that 187 00:12:08.520 --> 00:12:15.800 and they had every you know movie channel known to man at the time you 188 00:12:15.800 --> 00:12:21.240 know and so I'm in middle school and they're just happy for me to be there 189 00:12:21.240 --> 00:12:28.120 with the other kids you know and so I would stay up all hours of the night you 190 00:12:28.120 --> 00:12:32.640 know basically every other weekend Friday Saturday night when which is when 191 00:12:32.640 --> 00:12:40.280 all the soft porn stuff is on those channels right and just like soaking it 192 00:12:40.280 --> 00:12:47.480 in in middle school you know so and how like so that was when you were what 11 193 00:12:47.480 --> 00:12:59.720 yeah 11 or 13 you know well yeah so then from there because we we didn't stay for 194 00:12:59.720 --> 00:13:04.280 that long right that we met well was that after we had moved back to yeah 195 00:13:04.280 --> 00:13:11.400 Dallas okay all right so then it just continued all through high school and 196 00:13:11.400 --> 00:13:16.720 yeah and college and I mean I remember you know times of going and you know 197 00:13:16.720 --> 00:13:25.200 sneaking buying magazines or videos or whatever you know you know when you're 198 00:13:25.200 --> 00:13:29.920 addicted to that stuff you know where everything is located right and how to 199 00:13:29.920 --> 00:13:37.560 how to get it and and all that and so and I would say the addiction really 200 00:13:37.560 --> 00:13:48.680 didn't start until the internet came out yeah so before that it was it wasn't as 201 00:13:48.680 --> 00:13:54.320 much an addiction as it was always kind of in the back of your mind oh there's 202 00:13:54.320 --> 00:14:01.600 that store you know right I know where they have those magazines or whatever or 203 00:14:01.600 --> 00:14:07.600 or maybe I was and it just wasn't as available and so I couldn't act out you 204 00:14:07.600 --> 00:14:13.600 know as much talk about you know the acting out process in the addiction 205 00:14:13.600 --> 00:14:20.920 cycle right because addiction is a cycle there is a cycle of addiction that you 206 00:14:20.920 --> 00:14:28.040 you are in whether you realize it or not but um so the acting out part it 207 00:14:28.040 --> 00:14:33.840 just probably those those were fewer and more far between before the internet 208 00:14:33.840 --> 00:14:41.800 right so the internet came out it was just like became a real problem yeah I 209 00:14:41.800 --> 00:14:48.120 bet so how did that like because you were doing you were you know writing 210 00:14:48.120 --> 00:14:54.440 songs and doing things and you know clearly walking with the Lord in in an 211 00:14:54.440 --> 00:15:01.880 aspect of your life right I mean that wasn't a new you know I mean it's not 212 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:02.220 Like you just got saved not many years ago. 213 00:15:02.220 --> 00:15:06.000 I mean, you, you obviously have had an ongoing walk with the Lord. 214 00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:09.360 So how, how did all of that affect you? 215 00:15:10.420 --> 00:15:19.220 Oh, I mean, it, it, it's, it's one of those things where, you know, you're, 216 00:15:19.220 --> 00:15:23.700 you're doing the wrong thing and you just feel like you can't help yourself 217 00:15:23.700 --> 00:15:28.700 and you can't get out of it and the despair that that's the whole point. 218 00:15:29.520 --> 00:15:37.000 Um, uh, the start of the addictive cycle is despair and despair 219 00:15:37.000 --> 00:15:40.220 can be lots of different things. 220 00:15:40.360 --> 00:15:47.940 It's despair is not necessarily what you think of despair in the way of like. 221 00:15:48.400 --> 00:15:52.980 Discouraged or depressed or whatever. 222 00:15:52.980 --> 00:15:56.140 Despair can be loneliness. 223 00:15:56.140 --> 00:15:57.920 Despair can be boredom. 224 00:15:57.920 --> 00:15:59.800 Despair can be guilt. 225 00:15:59.840 --> 00:16:04.160 Despair can be, you know, there's so many different things that would fall 226 00:16:04.160 --> 00:16:05.900 under the category of despair. 227 00:16:06.300 --> 00:16:06.680 Right. 228 00:16:07.040 --> 00:16:11.680 And then there's a trigger, right? 229 00:16:12.100 --> 00:16:18.720 So, so you get triggered from the despair, then there's the fantasy, right? 230 00:16:18.720 --> 00:16:22.120 So the trigger can be cleavage. 231 00:16:22.120 --> 00:16:26.440 The trigger can be, you know, a commercial, the trigger can be a 232 00:16:26.440 --> 00:16:30.760 magazine sitting on the rack as you go by, you know, and you're in this 233 00:16:30.760 --> 00:16:35.640 despair or whatever, and you have this trigger, so then there's the fantasy. 234 00:16:37.100 --> 00:16:39.600 And then there's the acting out, right? 235 00:16:40.400 --> 00:16:44.500 After the acting out, you're back to despair, right? 236 00:16:44.500 --> 00:16:49.520 The guilt of the acting out and you have the white knuckling, you know, 237 00:16:49.640 --> 00:16:56.240 a mindset of I'm not going to do this anymore and I'm going to white knuckle 238 00:16:56.240 --> 00:17:01.280 it until I get in that despair again. 239 00:17:01.280 --> 00:17:02.600 And then there's a trigger. 240 00:17:02.600 --> 00:17:09.680 And then, you know, so that was one of the things that helped me a lot, you 241 00:17:09.680 --> 00:17:13.980 know, was counseling, getting into counseling and understanding the addictive 242 00:17:13.980 --> 00:17:14.619 cycle. 243 00:17:15.339 --> 00:17:24.420 The problem is there's, uh, my personality in the way I think and the way I'm 244 00:17:24.420 --> 00:17:28.380 wired, I don't like to be controlled. 245 00:17:28.780 --> 00:17:36.860 Um, and the things that you have to do to set yourself up for success when you are 246 00:17:36.860 --> 00:17:46.180 trying to not be in the addictive cycle feels like shackles feels like, like the, 247 00:17:46.180 --> 00:17:52.340 the filters and the, and the, the box that you have to put yourself in and live in. 248 00:17:52.940 --> 00:17:59.340 Um, maybe I'm just not disciplined enough or, or something, but like, I've, I 249 00:17:59.340 --> 00:18:04.620 remember talking to the Lord and I'm like, Lord, I can't, I can't live like this. 250 00:18:04.820 --> 00:18:06.500 I don't feel free. 251 00:18:06.780 --> 00:18:09.980 There's nothing free about the way I'm living. 252 00:18:10.460 --> 00:18:12.900 I feel like I'm living in chains. 253 00:18:14.020 --> 00:18:21.660 I, yes, I get that the, the, the chains are chaining me away from the, you know, 254 00:18:22.940 --> 00:18:31.340 the danger of this, but it's also like killing my spirit and my joy and my, you 255 00:18:31.340 --> 00:18:32.820 know, freedom in Christ. 256 00:18:32.820 --> 00:18:36.980 And I'm like, there's gotta be a better way than this. 257 00:18:37.380 --> 00:18:37.740 Right. 258 00:18:37.940 --> 00:18:47.300 And, and I remember when the Lord started teaching me about joy in him, teaching me 259 00:18:47.300 --> 00:18:48.660 about, and here's the problem. 260 00:18:48.700 --> 00:18:54.500 Here's the, the big problem with a lot of Christianity and a lot of churches and 261 00:18:54.500 --> 00:18:59.380 teaching it's, it's the, it's don't do all this stuff, right. 262 00:18:59.420 --> 00:19:04.420 Or, or you shouldn't desire these things and this and that, but they don't tell you 263 00:19:04.420 --> 00:19:08.500 what you should desire, what they don't replace it with. 264 00:19:09.660 --> 00:19:15.460 And that's why David said, restore to me the joy of my salvation. 265 00:19:16.620 --> 00:19:24.100 So Jesus says, if you come to me, you know, if you are thirsty for me, I will satisfy 266 00:19:24.100 --> 00:19:28.780 you, I'm the spring of living water and you'll never, uh, thirst again. 267 00:19:29.180 --> 00:19:33.820 Um, what he didn't mean was you'll never be thirsty for me again. 268 00:19:34.300 --> 00:19:35.540 You'll never have a third. 269 00:19:35.580 --> 00:19:44.340 He said, you'll never have need to thirst for anything else, but me, I will satisfy 270 00:19:44.340 --> 00:19:45.260 you forever. 271 00:19:45.620 --> 00:19:54.340 And, and so when we just focus on what I don't, what I can't do, what I am not 272 00:19:54.340 --> 00:19:59.740 supposed to do, I, um, you know, what I'm not. 273 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:09.080 needing to do anymore right it's obviously there's there's a reason for 274 00:20:09.080 --> 00:20:16.560 for parameters and for guidelines and for boundaries and all those things but 275 00:20:16.560 --> 00:20:22.200 that can't be the if you stand around staring at the boundaries and and you're 276 00:20:22.200 --> 00:20:27.760 looking across what you can't do over there all the time you know you're not 277 00:20:27.760 --> 00:20:36.480 living you're just existing and you're it just was not for me and the kind of 278 00:20:36.480 --> 00:20:45.560 emotions that I have the kind of passion that I have I needed outlets I needed to 279 00:20:45.560 --> 00:20:53.200 feel and to experience and you know and porn does that for you know yeah it's 280 00:20:53.200 --> 00:20:59.280 literally I've studied it and it it literally is like a cocaine kind of 281 00:20:59.280 --> 00:21:06.280 experience what it does to like the frontal lobe of your mind and the 282 00:21:06.280 --> 00:21:13.240 endorphins and the stuff that it releases it's like a high of what it 283 00:21:13.240 --> 00:21:20.400 does and so the problem is is it's killing and killing your relationships 284 00:21:20.400 --> 00:21:31.480 and so I needed to I needed the Lord to show me the better way which is the the 285 00:21:31.480 --> 00:21:39.640 freedom in the joy of my salvation the satisfaction in Christ that he is better 286 00:21:39.640 --> 00:21:50.240 than porn you know do you feel like those shackles for using your terms do 287 00:21:50.240 --> 00:22:02.800 you feel like that holding back like is what made you pursue with such depth and 288 00:22:02.800 --> 00:22:09.920 passion to replace that and is that where you started really pursuing the 289 00:22:09.920 --> 00:22:15.600 Lord oh absolutely I mean it was the Lord pursuing me it was the Lord showing 290 00:22:15.600 --> 00:22:23.960 me okay yeah these things you have a bigger problem than looking at porn your 291 00:22:23.960 --> 00:22:30.240 bigger problem is you're not looking to me right and and so just not looking at 292 00:22:30.240 --> 00:22:36.200 porn is not gonna solve I mean there's there's you know Buddhists and Hindus 293 00:22:36.200 --> 00:22:42.600 and and all these people that are so you know pure in their way of living and not 294 00:22:42.600 --> 00:22:47.760 contaminating their minds and being at you know peace with the earth whatever 295 00:22:47.760 --> 00:22:53.720 and and you know so they would you know they're way more disciplined than most 296 00:22:53.720 --> 00:22:58.960 Christians and you know have conquered their you know selfish desires and you 297 00:22:58.960 --> 00:23:05.000 know all these things but they're not walking with Christ they're not walking 298 00:23:05.000 --> 00:23:10.880 in in the light they're in the darkness so the point is not to just not look at 299 00:23:10.880 --> 00:23:17.480 porn right the the point is to be satisfied in Christ and so the Lord is 300 00:23:17.480 --> 00:23:24.440 like okay yeah the triage the the we're gonna stop the bleeding and you know to 301 00:23:24.440 --> 00:23:28.880 your wife now knows and so she's gonna help you and you're gonna have some 302 00:23:28.880 --> 00:23:35.560 boundary I needed that time I needed the understanding the destruction of what 303 00:23:35.600 --> 00:23:41.000 this is doing right and obviously I knew it was wrong but everything and you know 304 00:23:41.000 --> 00:23:46.960 all the things that we say to ourselves is that it's not hurting anybody you 305 00:23:46.960 --> 00:23:53.920 know or whatever it's just between me and God and I know I'm sinning but it's 306 00:23:53.920 --> 00:23:59.560 not hurting anybody else or whatever so except we obviously know that that's 307 00:23:59.560 --> 00:24:04.960 it's not even that it was just hurting your wife and your family but the the 308 00:24:04.960 --> 00:24:09.520 poor girls that are in that industry are usually being trafficked and you 309 00:24:09.520 --> 00:24:14.320 know you got all kinds of issues going on in the wrong every part of it is 310 00:24:14.320 --> 00:24:19.640 wrong yeah yeah there's multiple people being wronged every time someone clicks 311 00:24:19.640 --> 00:24:25.240 that video and it doesn't matter whether this is can you know a couple that are 312 00:24:25.240 --> 00:24:30.960 you know married that are filming themselves the all of it is wrong right 313 00:24:30.960 --> 00:24:38.400 there's nothing godly or or or healthy or anything in any way shape or form I'm 314 00:24:38.400 --> 00:24:44.200 just telling you what you what yeah right use to justify it right what yeah 315 00:24:44.200 --> 00:24:49.840 right so so you know and just to clarify just to clarify Kim finding out like 316 00:24:49.840 --> 00:24:55.000 there was nobody in your life that cuz I know like I I didn't know did you have 317 00:24:55.000 --> 00:25:01.800 any guy friends that you had confided in or anybody else that would 318 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:05.520 You could talk to about it or is this just you were the only person on the planet that knew that? 319 00:25:06.560 --> 00:25:13.000 I'm pretty sure at that point. I was the only person that knew that okay, so that that that is like a whole nother level 320 00:25:14.000 --> 00:25:19.840 Accountability partners, you know kind of things came after that okay? Yeah, okay? 321 00:25:20.400 --> 00:25:24.400 Because I've had some on occasion. You know through my life 322 00:25:24.880 --> 00:25:29.240 That was the kids were real little I don't even think we had all for the kids at that time 323 00:25:29.240 --> 00:25:34.200 You know it was it was early 2000s. I'm pretty sure right so 20 324 00:25:34.840 --> 00:25:36.840 20 years ago 325 00:25:37.080 --> 00:25:41.820 But well it had to be after 2003 because we lived in Tyler 326 00:25:42.880 --> 00:25:48.200 We didn't move here till it till it's red. So yeah, maybe it was 2003 2004 327 00:25:49.520 --> 00:25:51.440 but 328 00:25:51.440 --> 00:25:56.640 so the that that time period of being in counseling 329 00:25:57.040 --> 00:25:59.360 You know Kim, and I would do counseling together 330 00:26:00.560 --> 00:26:03.800 then we also went to celebrate recovery, which is a 331 00:26:05.440 --> 00:26:10.640 It's kind of like a Christian AA, but it's for all you know addiction 332 00:26:10.640 --> 00:26:18.080 You know they have drug alcohol and you know sex addiction and what a lot of people don't know is that 333 00:26:19.240 --> 00:26:24.680 Addiction to porn is sex addiction level one. Oh wow okay? Yes 334 00:26:25.320 --> 00:26:27.320 Level four is 335 00:26:28.720 --> 00:26:30.720 violent sexual acts 336 00:26:31.040 --> 00:26:36.760 You know rape and and things like that so level two is 337 00:26:37.800 --> 00:26:39.800 You know I have to have 338 00:26:41.200 --> 00:26:43.200 You know sex all the time 339 00:26:44.480 --> 00:26:47.600 You know level three. I can't remember 340 00:26:48.200 --> 00:26:51.680 But it does go into like I think 341 00:26:51.680 --> 00:26:54.760 You know adultery kind of stuff and and 342 00:26:56.760 --> 00:27:00.880 What what people would still consider ethical issues of 343 00:27:01.760 --> 00:27:04.560 hurting people you know, but not necessarily 344 00:27:05.840 --> 00:27:08.080 violent criminal acts and 345 00:27:08.720 --> 00:27:11.120 Then level four is forcing 346 00:27:11.840 --> 00:27:16.480 You know yourself on people violently in criminal ways 347 00:27:16.520 --> 00:27:18.520 So 348 00:27:18.520 --> 00:27:23.720 Playing with fire. You know at level one doesn't does molestation have a level 349 00:27:24.480 --> 00:27:26.480 That's that's a level four that would be 350 00:27:27.200 --> 00:27:28.560 forcing yourself 351 00:27:28.560 --> 00:27:30.560 criminally on someone 352 00:27:31.000 --> 00:27:37.080 Doesn't have to necessarily be violence like I think of violence is yeah with a gun or like you know you're met in the back 353 00:27:37.080 --> 00:27:40.800 Alley, and somebody's holding the gun to your head or something like that, but that's not what you mean, okay? 354 00:27:40.800 --> 00:27:43.880 No, it would be criminal criminal whether it is 355 00:27:44.000 --> 00:27:48.720 Whether it's because the person's not a minor and can't be manipulated 356 00:27:49.280 --> 00:27:56.640 Into you know writing stuff with you you have to use violence to do it and can't protect themselves correct right and so 357 00:27:56.640 --> 00:28:02.400 Rape and molestation would be the same level okay, so just to be clear which is partly 358 00:28:03.080 --> 00:28:07.360 You know why I wanted you to tell the story on on this platform 359 00:28:07.360 --> 00:28:09.360 I wanted you to tell the story on this platform 360 00:28:09.960 --> 00:28:14.640 You know why I wanted you to tell the story on on this platform is because 361 00:28:16.080 --> 00:28:22.400 So many people you know they're like. Oh, I just don't know why you know this happened 362 00:28:22.400 --> 00:28:23.720 Or you know we just never believed 363 00:28:23.720 --> 00:28:28.960 He would do anything like that or whatever you know because whoever this person is that they're in denial about ie dad 364 00:28:29.360 --> 00:28:34.160 You know they just you know just made this mistake, and I'm like no no no no 365 00:28:34.160 --> 00:28:39.240 This has been building and building and building for a very long time. You don't just wake up one day 366 00:28:39.760 --> 00:28:40.560 and 367 00:28:40.560 --> 00:28:45.160 Rape somebody in an alley or molest your child you just it just is not how that happens 368 00:28:45.160 --> 00:28:50.560 So there's been a deep deep double life being led for many many years 369 00:28:50.680 --> 00:28:57.480 And we've gotten to this place through lack of accountability, and you know repentance and all that so anyway, okay? 370 00:28:57.480 --> 00:29:04.320 So yeah, it's it's kind of like the thing with violence right you typically don't start off by murdering 371 00:29:04.880 --> 00:29:08.560 Someone right typically start off by hurting 372 00:29:09.560 --> 00:29:12.200 Yourself or an animal 373 00:29:12.960 --> 00:29:18.720 Something you know less significant, and then it does something if you feel something when that 374 00:29:18.960 --> 00:29:25.560 Empowered or whatever and and so then you know you you you graduate or you? 375 00:29:26.080 --> 00:29:28.480 evolve you know to needing to 376 00:29:29.080 --> 00:29:36.520 You know it's not it's not it doesn't generate the same level of excitement power or whatever so you have to push the boundary further 377 00:29:36.520 --> 00:29:43.040 And then you push the back further right exactly and that is the same thing with sexual addiction 378 00:29:43.400 --> 00:29:48.160 right because and that's the same reason why porn is 379 00:29:49.480 --> 00:29:51.480 growing in its 380 00:29:52.600 --> 00:29:58.480 Crazy like depravity, and that's why why you're seeing more and more 381 00:29:59.160 --> 00:30:01.160 crazy 382 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:07.440 stuff just on network TV and it is because the, the, the, the boundary just 383 00:30:07.440 --> 00:30:14.820 keeps getting pushed and pushed and pushed and we're creating a society 384 00:30:15.140 --> 00:30:17.420 that is addicted to sex. 385 00:30:17.580 --> 00:30:25.500 Well, the, there's been a searing of the conscience, what used to be completely 386 00:30:25.860 --> 00:30:32.420 banned, like you, you could not even have a man and a woman actor sleeping 387 00:30:32.420 --> 00:30:34.840 in the same bed, fully clothed. 388 00:30:34.900 --> 00:30:37.780 Like that was an absolute no. 389 00:30:38.060 --> 00:30:42.940 And now you're hoping when you're flipping a channel at night, at seven 390 00:30:42.940 --> 00:30:47.060 at night, you don't accidentally run across nudity because your 391 00:30:47.060 --> 00:30:48.800 nine-year-old is on the couch. 392 00:30:48.820 --> 00:30:52.500 You know, it's, it's so, and that's exactly right. 393 00:30:52.500 --> 00:30:54.820 It's just pushing up the boundary. 394 00:30:54.840 --> 00:31:00.020 I mean, we were watching a show the other night and, and with, with my 395 00:31:00.020 --> 00:31:06.860 daughters and, and with one of my daughter's boyfriends, and it didn't 396 00:31:06.860 --> 00:31:11.620 say anything about, you know, cause it says TVMA or TV14 or whatever. 397 00:31:11.840 --> 00:31:15.380 It said TVMA, uh, language and violence. 398 00:31:16.340 --> 00:31:22.300 And it was, uh, uh, about, uh, is like based on a real life, you know, uh, 399 00:31:22.940 --> 00:31:28.760 Colt that we were watching it because it had spiritual and religious connotations 400 00:31:28.760 --> 00:31:34.020 about this Colt that, that got busted for something or whatever, and it had been 401 00:31:34.020 --> 00:31:41.380 recommended to us by some of our Christian friends, episode one, the wife 402 00:31:41.380 --> 00:31:46.780 takes her clothes off and gets in the shower with the husband and like full on 403 00:31:46.820 --> 00:31:51.140 breasts didn't say anything about it. 404 00:31:51.140 --> 00:31:52.940 And this nudity was nowhere. 405 00:31:53.300 --> 00:31:55.540 That's because it's not considered nudity. 406 00:31:55.540 --> 00:31:58.180 There's no, it's, it's not considered nudity anymore. 407 00:31:58.240 --> 00:31:58.780 You know what I mean? 408 00:31:58.820 --> 00:32:01.380 It's just, I don't, I don't know what a woman's breasts. 409 00:32:01.460 --> 00:32:01.620 Yeah. 410 00:32:01.620 --> 00:32:04.500 I mean, why would that be missing then? 411 00:32:04.740 --> 00:32:05.340 You know what I'm saying? 412 00:32:05.340 --> 00:32:06.380 That's what I was saying. 413 00:32:06.380 --> 00:32:10.580 I thought maybe like whoever rated it just missed that scene. 414 00:32:10.900 --> 00:32:12.260 There, there was nothing. 415 00:32:12.300 --> 00:32:13.980 Um, that was not a mistake. 416 00:32:14.060 --> 00:32:15.060 That was intentional. 417 00:32:15.100 --> 00:32:15.380 Yeah. 418 00:32:16.020 --> 00:32:20.340 Because again, like you said, you can recall images from seven years old. 419 00:32:20.660 --> 00:32:23.940 Those are things that guys can't unsee. 420 00:32:23.980 --> 00:32:29.180 And, and of course it would be in the spiritual section of, of the documentary 421 00:32:29.180 --> 00:32:33.940 because that's who the enemy's after is all, all of God's children who might be 422 00:32:33.940 --> 00:32:38.740 interested in watching something that has the word spiritual in it, you know, it's 423 00:32:38.740 --> 00:32:39.980 just crazy what's going on. 424 00:32:39.980 --> 00:32:41.180 But so, okay. 425 00:32:41.180 --> 00:32:47.820 So, so, so y'all are in celebrate recovery and y'all, y'all were, y'all 426 00:32:47.820 --> 00:32:50.620 stayed in that program for a while, didn't you? 427 00:32:50.860 --> 00:32:53.420 I would say probably around a year or so. 428 00:32:53.620 --> 00:32:53.940 Yeah. 429 00:32:53.980 --> 00:32:55.580 It wasn't just like a couple of weekends. 430 00:32:55.580 --> 00:32:56.700 Like y'all, no, no, no, no. 431 00:32:56.700 --> 00:32:57.780 This was every week. 432 00:32:57.780 --> 00:33:02.220 I actually ended up starting, you know, do it, leading some worship occasionally 433 00:33:02.300 --> 00:33:08.380 at it because it's like an actual like service kind of thing too. 434 00:33:08.380 --> 00:33:12.900 They have speakers and, you know, and do some song, you know, worship songs and 435 00:33:12.900 --> 00:33:13.540 stuff too. 436 00:33:13.540 --> 00:33:19.460 And they do like a group session and then break off into, uh, individual, you know, 437 00:33:19.460 --> 00:33:21.620 small groups based on your addiction. 438 00:33:21.620 --> 00:33:27.460 And obviously if you're a male, you know, sex addict, you know, addiction, uh, you're 439 00:33:27.460 --> 00:33:31.380 not with females with sex addict, you know, whatever. 440 00:33:31.700 --> 00:33:34.700 Um, and so, um, so yeah. 441 00:33:35.540 --> 00:33:41.300 And the spouses of people that had, you know, addictions would meet separately, you 442 00:33:41.300 --> 00:33:44.900 know, if they didn't have an addiction, you know, cause they encourage spouses to 443 00:33:44.900 --> 00:33:46.740 come and support and all that. 444 00:33:46.740 --> 00:33:52.580 And so they had babysitting, you know, childcare, you know, for the kids. 445 00:33:52.580 --> 00:33:59.740 So our whole family would, would come and, you know, obviously Kim never said, you 446 00:33:59.740 --> 00:34:04.660 know, we're, we're going cause your dad's a pervert and, you know, or anything like 447 00:34:04.660 --> 00:34:05.100 that. 448 00:34:05.140 --> 00:34:10.699 Um, so they had no clue what was going on, but, um, so yeah, we were there for, for a 449 00:34:10.699 --> 00:34:12.219 good, I would say year. 450 00:34:13.380 --> 00:34:18.940 So, so from there, where, where did this journey, where did it lead you? 451 00:34:19.620 --> 00:34:19.900 Yeah. 452 00:34:19.900 --> 00:34:23.780 I mean, that's, it was kind of towards the end of that, that I just kind of felt 453 00:34:23.780 --> 00:34:28.699 like, like, I mean, we can't be here forever. 454 00:34:28.739 --> 00:34:30.139 There's gotta be growth. 455 00:34:30.139 --> 00:34:37.420 There's gotta be, you know, um, God, what, what do you want from me? 456 00:34:37.420 --> 00:34:41.380 What is, what is my plan, your plan for me? 457 00:34:41.420 --> 00:34:52.540 And I don't, I don't feel like I am, I am growing while I'm like under all these 458 00:34:52.540 --> 00:35:00.020 restrictions and boundaries and, and, you know, needing to call. 459 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.480 my friend to get you know have him log in and get the password for whatever's 460 00:35:05.480 --> 00:35:11.040 because I need to go on this car buying app or whatever and that's not one of 461 00:35:11.040 --> 00:35:16.520 the approved sites or something and so right and and while that was necessary 462 00:35:16.520 --> 00:35:26.560 for a while you know it just Satan was actually using it to like you you start 463 00:35:26.560 --> 00:35:34.280 like going crazy and if the addiction is still there and you have these things 464 00:35:34.280 --> 00:35:41.040 like you become obsessed with these things okay there's got to be a way 465 00:35:41.040 --> 00:35:46.120 around this and you know what I mean you start trying to figure stuff out and we 466 00:35:46.120 --> 00:35:55.720 saw that with Josh Duggar in how he he created a whole secondary hard drive 467 00:35:55.720 --> 00:36:01.240 within his computer that safe eyes or whatever that program is didn't 468 00:36:01.240 --> 00:36:06.520 recognize and they found all kinds of child porn on that hard drive where it 469 00:36:06.520 --> 00:36:11.000 wasn't on the main hard drive which was being tracked by his wife and whoever 470 00:36:11.000 --> 00:36:18.600 else and that's that's what the that's what an addicted person will do right 471 00:36:18.600 --> 00:36:26.560 and obviously I it makes me so sad that he and so many others like dad have had 472 00:36:26.560 --> 00:36:33.600 issues being attracted to children and and and I just praise God that has never 473 00:36:33.600 --> 00:36:46.120 been anything I've struggled with and so but but my struggle was and so I just 474 00:36:46.120 --> 00:36:58.200 was like God you are supposed to be all satisfying you know God just started 475 00:36:58.200 --> 00:37:10.560 opening my eyes to to who he is and and what he does when you taste of him when 476 00:37:10.560 --> 00:37:18.800 you eat him and drink him like he says in John 6 that we have to do and and I 477 00:37:18.800 --> 00:37:24.640 just started praying God free me from this addiction yeah like like I don't 478 00:37:24.640 --> 00:37:30.960 want to be a sex addict the rest of my life addicted to porn and with all these 479 00:37:30.960 --> 00:37:36.760 restrictions and boundaries and guidelines and and things that if I'm 480 00:37:36.760 --> 00:37:42.840 gonna be an addict I need but then I just get consumed with trying to fill 481 00:37:42.840 --> 00:37:48.400 that addiction and I can't or I finally figure a way through or whatever until 482 00:37:48.400 --> 00:37:53.600 it gets caught or whatever and and we're just in this never-ending thing and I'm 483 00:37:53.600 --> 00:38:03.160 of no use to anyone right spiritually yeah and man I remember exactly where I 484 00:38:03.280 --> 00:38:12.240 was I wish I knew the date I don't know the date but I remember where I was when 485 00:38:12.240 --> 00:38:22.200 God freed me like literally it was a moment it was as an event it was it was 486 00:38:22.200 --> 00:38:41.520 okay yes now like literally overwhelmed with with brokenness with joy with 487 00:38:41.520 --> 00:38:50.800 seeing Jesus more than I'd ever seen him for who he really is like almost not 488 00:38:50.840 --> 00:39:00.480 being born again but almost but close yeah not not the new birth but all like 489 00:39:00.480 --> 00:39:11.400 like I was in a coma and he woke me up yeah from the coma and amazing I've 490 00:39:11.400 --> 00:39:17.200 never been the same since and and people have asked me so you've never looked at 491 00:39:17.200 --> 00:39:25.760 porn since then I'm like I have I and Satan tries to use it against me all the 492 00:39:25.760 --> 00:39:34.240 time but it's different it's there's there is a different way of living now 493 00:39:34.240 --> 00:39:42.360 then there was then I don't have any restrictions on my phone or my laptop or 494 00:39:42.360 --> 00:39:48.200 my accounts or whatever and maybe I should maybe it's a I don't know it's 495 00:39:48.200 --> 00:39:54.640 just a principle for me yeah I don't know I feel like it would be like giving 496 00:39:54.640 --> 00:40:01.960 in to to a lie to do that for 497 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:07.240 me. Um, and I'm not suggesting anyone who has, has restrictions on their devices or 498 00:40:07.240 --> 00:40:21.080 whatever are selling out or what? No, do what you need to do. And, and, um, but for me, 499 00:40:21.080 --> 00:40:29.920 Jesus continues to draw me to himself and, and show me he's enough. And, um, and when 500 00:40:29.920 --> 00:40:40.760 I do fall to that temptation, occasionally, um, there's immediate recognition of, of the 501 00:40:40.760 --> 00:40:49.440 failure and of the, the, why am I, why am I diving back in this dumpster? Um, you know, 502 00:40:49.440 --> 00:40:59.360 the old CS Lewis, um, analogy of, of we're, we're like, uh, children content on eating 503 00:40:59.360 --> 00:41:05.840 mud pies in the slums because we don't know what a holiday at the sea is like. We are 504 00:41:05.840 --> 00:41:11.880 far too easily pleased. It's not that our desires are too strong. It's that they're 505 00:41:11.880 --> 00:41:20.080 too weak. Um, we don't really know what is true satisfaction, um, when we, when we turn 506 00:41:20.080 --> 00:41:29.440 to those things. Um, and so the Lord is quick to, to bring me back and remind me, I feel 507 00:41:29.440 --> 00:41:37.440 like I struggle like a normal man now, right? Maybe, maybe that's a way to, to, I, I am 508 00:41:37.440 --> 00:41:45.200 no longer a sex addict, praise God. I am no longer addicted to porn or to, to sexual 509 00:41:45.200 --> 00:41:52.040 things before like triggers everywhere. Right. You know? Um, yeah, you'd have to live in 510 00:41:52.040 --> 00:41:58.680 it if you're not looking for them. They are there. Um, I re I remember I would literally 511 00:41:58.680 --> 00:42:06.600 go and pull a cosmopolitan magazine off of the public's, you know, magazine rack and 512 00:42:06.600 --> 00:42:13.680 try to, you know, see scantily clad people, you know, to try to feed that, you know, desire 513 00:42:13.680 --> 00:42:22.840 to see women or whatever. And, and obviously, uh, you know, seeing people in public in the 514 00:42:22.840 --> 00:42:28.000 summertime and bathing suits. And I mean, it was a struggle everywhere all the time. 515 00:42:28.000 --> 00:42:38.120 And I don't struggle like that anymore. Thank God. Um, I, I, I can see a, a sister in Christ 516 00:42:38.120 --> 00:42:49.040 and see them as my sister in Christ. I can see a lost person who, who, uh, doesn't necessarily 517 00:42:49.040 --> 00:42:55.200 have the modesty that I think they should have. And my heart goes out for them as opposed 518 00:42:55.200 --> 00:43:03.680 to lusting after that. I'm not saying I never lost, never struggle with lust. Uh, I'm saying 519 00:43:03.680 --> 00:43:10.280 for the most part, those triggers aren't there. I have to be, you know, uh, there's a much 520 00:43:10.280 --> 00:43:17.240 bigger process, you know, of struggling now or of being tempted now than it, than it was 521 00:43:17.240 --> 00:43:23.360 before. Well, and I think that we're always going to have that until, I mean, while there's 522 00:43:23.360 --> 00:43:26.880 sin on the earth. I mean, we live in a fallen world and there's, there's nothing, you know, 523 00:43:26.880 --> 00:43:31.880 anybody can do about that, obviously. Plus, like you've said, and we've talked about, 524 00:43:31.880 --> 00:43:38.720 it is becoming so much more acceptable that it is, you can't get away. Yeah. You can't, 525 00:43:38.720 --> 00:43:44.600 you, I mean, you just live in the world, not live as a, as a, as a, you know, Mennonite 526 00:43:44.600 --> 00:43:51.640 or a whatever Amish. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what they do or just, you know, 527 00:43:51.640 --> 00:43:56.480 throw a rock or something. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. Well, that's, that's great. So, so have 528 00:43:56.480 --> 00:44:03.120 you felt like that your, um, struggle has, have you been able to help other guys with 529 00:44:03.120 --> 00:44:09.680 it? Is there, I mean, are people, once you, you know, obviously started talking about 530 00:44:09.680 --> 00:44:16.400 it, are there, are you seeing that other guys are willing to talk about it to you? Yeah. 531 00:44:16.400 --> 00:44:21.440 I mean, there've been a few specific guys I've been able to walk with and encourage 532 00:44:21.440 --> 00:44:29.520 and, you know, help them kind of understand what's going on and the right way to look 533 00:44:29.520 --> 00:44:36.400 at it from the standpoint of the, of the battle and the warfare and that we're in. And obviously 534 00:44:36.400 --> 00:44:44.400 everybody has different strategies and, and different things ultimately, um, calling upon 535 00:44:44.400 --> 00:44:52.400 the name of the Lord is the, is the ultimate strategy, you know, whenever temptation, uh, 536 00:44:52.400 --> 00:44:57.760 there's, there's flea youthful lust. There's, you know, resist the devil and he will flee 537 00:44:57.760 --> 00:44:59.960 from you. There's all these things, you know, 538 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.920 There's every man's battle, you know, of your eye, bouncing your eyes, you know, 539 00:45:05.240 --> 00:45:08.120 don't, you know, let your bounce bounce. 540 00:45:09.480 --> 00:45:10.040 Okay. 541 00:45:10.280 --> 00:45:10.840 All right. 542 00:45:12.000 --> 00:45:15.200 And then a big pair of boobs just comes right in front of you. 543 00:45:15.200 --> 00:45:15.600 Okay. 544 00:45:15.600 --> 00:45:16.920 And you're paralyzed. 545 00:45:17.240 --> 00:45:17.560 Okay. 546 00:45:17.560 --> 00:45:17.840 Yeah. 547 00:45:18.280 --> 00:45:24.280 So ultimately, whether it's avoiding, right. 548 00:45:24.280 --> 00:45:24.640 Yeah. 549 00:45:24.640 --> 00:45:29.840 I mean, there's, there's obviously things you want to do or not do to set yourself 550 00:45:29.960 --> 00:45:36.840 for success, but in our current society, it's, it's almost impossible to get away 551 00:45:36.840 --> 00:45:37.640 from, right? 552 00:45:37.960 --> 00:45:46.800 Well, we are, um, extremely, uh, thankful that you have overcome the, um, the sex 553 00:45:46.800 --> 00:45:51.440 addiction and, um, thankful that you are willing to open up about it here. 554 00:45:51.480 --> 00:45:56.040 And, um, cause I know there are so many people that watch us that have been, you 555 00:45:56.040 --> 00:46:02.120 know, affected by people who did not stop and get help, um, they, they made it to 556 00:46:02.120 --> 00:46:08.120 level three and four and, um, and so, you know, and there's so much damage and, you 557 00:46:08.120 --> 00:46:13.600 know, and, and so thankfully that was, um, something that you recognized. 558 00:46:13.600 --> 00:46:19.080 And like you said, you know, the whole getting busted was God's way of rescuing 559 00:46:19.080 --> 00:46:21.920 you from that pit that you were in. 560 00:46:22.320 --> 00:46:22.680 Yes. 561 00:46:22.680 --> 00:46:26.960 So, um, I know that, that if there is anybody that is listening to this or 562 00:46:26.960 --> 00:46:31.920 struggling and they need any kind of resources, you can definitely email us 563 00:46:31.920 --> 00:46:36.800 and we will get you in touch with Brandon who can get you some direction in that. 564 00:46:36.800 --> 00:46:42.880 Because I know in just watching you, I've seen the change up close and personal, 565 00:46:42.920 --> 00:46:48.320 and I, and I know that you don't, you know, struggle like you did and, um, not 566 00:46:48.320 --> 00:46:52.280 that, no, you know, you're still a man, but not that, um, that doesn't have that 567 00:46:52.280 --> 00:46:53.480 hold on you anymore. 568 00:46:53.480 --> 00:46:55.480 So thankful for that. 569 00:46:55.520 --> 00:46:58.720 But, um, we are in freedom and victory. 570 00:46:58.720 --> 00:47:00.040 Yeah, absolutely. 571 00:47:00.040 --> 00:47:00.760 Much more. 572 00:47:01.280 --> 00:47:02.520 Yeah, absolutely. 573 00:47:02.880 --> 00:47:07.680 And, um, we are, um, thankful that everybody has tuned in this season and we 574 00:47:07.680 --> 00:47:09.000 are wrapping up here. 575 00:47:09.040 --> 00:47:13.240 Season two, we're going to take a little break and then we will be back for season 576 00:47:13.240 --> 00:47:16.480 three and we hope you join us there on the next episode of truth. 577 00:47:16.480 --> 00:47:17.200 Talk with Wendy. 578 00:47:18.320 --> 00:47:18.960 Bye.