this is the third operating mode. It's called connection mode. And this is again,
it's our most natural way of operating is to connect intimately or closely with
other people. And this is a huge, huge thing. When someone comes in and they
cannot connect with other people. And I'm not saying you have to connect with
everyone. I'm saying like just have some close connections with people. They will
have issues. Because we're not made to be alone. And to be isolated. So we're
wired for connection. And when that is not happening, creates a lot of
malfunctions. Basically all of them. Mental, emotional, physical, spiritual
malfunctions. So we want people in...
So okay. So I'm gonna get to that. I'm gonna get to that. I'm gonna answer that
question in a second. So the thing with this is that there are
actually three modes with this one. So if someone's not in connection mode, I call
it. Which means they're freely connecting with other people. Their heart is open.
There's no walls or barriers. They're able to connect with people the way they
were created to. To connect. When they're not in that, they're either going to be
in stagnant mode or conflict mode. So conflict mode is when you are... You
actually can create conflict with people in your life if you're not in connection
mode. If you're not in connection mode. Without realizing that's what you're
doing. And if you're... So you can be in relationships with people and
maybe you're not in conflict but it's just stagnant. There's not
life... There's no life giving going back and forth. There's no life being given or
shared or connection with them. It's just kind of blah. There's just... You're just
existing. And so I use this... Oh, so when you're... When someone's in connection mode,
there's nothing blocking their heart from freely and fully connecting with
people that they love. You know, significant people in their life. Your
forgiveness... You know, your forgiveness and grace is given freely. Unconditional
love is given freely. So when you're in a relationship with another person, it's
your natural response to forgive them and have grace. That's your natural response
to them when they let you down or do something. That's your most natural
response. And then, you know, your unconditional love because we're
constantly filled to overflowing with unconditional love by the Father, by God.
Every moment of every day. And so out of that, you then extend that to people. You
give them unconditional love because that's what you have. So that means
there's no conditions. You're 100% committed to that person regardless
of what they do or don't do. And there's no plan B. Now, I'm not talking about
abuse. I'm not talking about abusive relationships or something like that or
someone... You know, I know people that have gotten married to people and then
found out they had a mental illness and it went really bad. So I'm not talking
about that. I'm talking about just the natural abilities again and the way
that we're made to connect with people and to love. So I use this. You said
there's 3 modes? Yes. So connection mode. Oh, connection is one of the 3. Yeah.
When the heart is open, no judgments, no walls, forgiveness is flowing,
unconditional love. Stagnant mode is you're not in conflict but there's not
connecting. And there's like a lack of progress in the relationship and it's
just lifeless. And then conflict mode, literally what this is, is when your
love that you have to give is blocked. And so when you're in conflict mode,
you're harming yourself because you're made and born to love. So when the love
that you have, you're not giving it. And the life, because you hold the life force,
when you're not giving life and love to someone else, you harm yourself.
And you're also... So when you're blocking the love that you have to give,
you start to create discord and disharmony and division with the people around you.
Because you can't be in a relationship with someone when love's not flowing.
It doesn't work. It's like the...
why do you create conflict because you're always searching you're because humans are naturally
trying to connect in some way so they're trying to connect they're just maybe i think i think that
there's so many of those um yeah there's so i wrote down a few you know there are a few reasons
for this um you know lingering um unforgiveness from the past right you know if you're in a
been in a relationship with someone and you're you haven't forgiven and you have these lingering
things you may be constantly projecting that into the relationship instead of love totally
and so you even if you don't want to be in conflict with the person you're going to be
constantly creating conflict because you're not giving love and you're not being life-giving
you're actually you're giving i don't know what you're getting unforgiveness and judgment and
um heart wall this is helping me understand my brother and sister-in-law um another thing fear
fear of being known fear of being known and i see this a lot with men that come in and they
a lot of men have this belief that if someone really knows them they they they would be
disappointed yeah and they wouldn't really like what they see so um sorry so you said you can't
connect with love because you've blocked it for some reason so then you end up connecting through
conflicts connecting through conflicts oh i like that connecting through conflicts um this also
you're going to have you're going to be on the defense so you'll have defensiveness um and it
becomes a habit it becomes a habit of self-protection so to protect from getting hurt being
rejected being a disappointment to someone or whatever is going on but this is when i use this
i've used this a lot um when someone comes in with a marriage issue and i've seen a lot of people
um over the years doing this and this works phenomenally with marriage issues um and so i've
seen it with marriage issues i've also oh i've done i've used this i've also used this when someone
comes in with a issue with their child like a lot of mothers and fathers will come in and they're
having a problem with their teenager or with their kid and it works really well and um
the really great thing about this is that if one person if one spouse or one parent comes in and
they address their mode it changes the whole relationship or even the child if it's a child
and they have yes even if it's the child and they change it only takes one person because once one
person is in connection mode the other person will respond differently it's just how it works
because if if you're connecting your heart is open you're giving love forgiveness mercy
unconditional love the other person on the other end is going to feel safe number one they're going
to feel like oh they're not constantly critiquing what i'm doing you know it just it creates this
safe comfortable atmosphere and environment for them to be themselves and to just let down and
relax and um when someone can relax in a relationship and just be themselves that's
when you can start making progress it's when someone feels like they're never good enough
i'm never doing a good enough job i have you know um you know because whether you
what do you say what'd you say unless the other person's a narcissist then i'm guessing it wouldn't
unless the other person's a narcissist that's why i'm not talking about that i'm not talking about
narcissism mental illness no right you may not realize they're a narcissist you're just you're
meeting them you just think these are two normal people you know whether it's a couple or a parent
and their child or whatever but i'm guessing if you see the other the one party's changing
and this other one isn't then is that maybe a tip for okay wait we maybe got some other stuff going
on here because the other party should yes well and and so suzy i'm glad you brought that up
because i've been seeing this more and more with one either a spouse or a child that comes in and
is married to a narcissist or has a parent that that is one and it it is so destructive and what
makes it really hard is that it's subtle and so um it's hard to detect because usually narcissists
have some really great qualities about them very charming and they come across as very confident
and um it's very hard to detect and especially for for a child that and i i've i've seen like
older children like people in there usually when a kid is about 18 to 20 they'll start to realize it
and they've grown up with it and so they don't even know they don't know any different really
that's love to them it's love and it's a distortion of love and um it's so destructive because you
know if if they were beating them
it would be easier because it'd be obvious to be like oh that's abuse yeah
but with not the narcissistic person in a relationship you can't always tell
it's it's not obvious that it's a beautiful and they're generally in
denial if you try to fix it with them yeah yeah so it's almost like this
little toxic relationship yes allowed to coexist forever and ever yes so I've
actually worked with these relationship issues like I said I have several about
20 year olds that have parents and it's very difficult for them but what I do is
I actually I want them in connection mode because I want them to connect with
people in the the true relationship like it what it's supposed to really look
like and so so you're getting them in connection mode you're teaching them
coaching them on what it looks like what it is and what it's not and then even if
they change their mode their parent may not change their end but the kid will
will start to again respond differently to the parent they will be very they
will still give forgiveness and mercy so they're not holding they're not holding
anything against that person they're just like this is who they are I'm
accepting them but the the kid will start to develop more I'm just saying
the kid will change as well it'll they'll start to stand up for themselves
they'll start to recognize you know when someone's controlling them and what that
looks like and how do I respond to that because they you want to break that
pattern so they don't go into future relationships in conflict mode because
that's not going to help them yeah yeah you want that you want to set them up
for relationship success and for them that means getting them into connection
mode so they could they connect to the right people not people that were like
their parents yes that's right so did I answer your question that I said I would
get to in a second I think so when does it come up so yeah so I use this well
yeah it's usually when they come in and they're having a marriage problem yeah
yeah or they'll tell me you know I'm having a problem with my kid you know no
matter what I do we're just and you see this with a little like teenagers and
older kids like I had a it was really sad really nice Christian family woman
I had seen her personally and then her kid turned I don't know 16 or 17 and
just got very aggressive and violent and he would like hit well actually he never
hit her but he almost did like she was scared he would he would lose his temper
and he would get very he couldn't control himself and so she would have to
like lock go in her room and lock the door and so I don't know that that's an
example that that's an extreme example but but I I worked on her own connection
mode and the problem resolved itself yeah yeah and so I don't know I mean
whatever she changed in her it was not triggering him anymore to blow up yeah
so and it might have been something from the womb you don't know yeah yeah and he
did have some other things going on too but fixing her end was a huge piece
because they were no longer in conflict and so if they're no longer in conflict
she can support him and getting through what he's going through and yeah instead
of adding more stress to him and the household helping bring the healing mode
helping bring the healing mode yes well and the thing is you know things should
be having raised a son things shift as they grow and they develop and they
become adolescents and they come into adulthood and all of that they need
different things from their mom how she related to him when he was a child
worked for his connection needs but now he's needing connection with his mom in
a different way she wasn't in connection mode he wasn't able to get
what he needed from her so then he's resentful I mean his spirit is resentful
of her you know whoa Susie that's good you could do a session right now with
somebody yeah absolutely absolutely yeah so I always use this with relationship
issues and I mean relationship issues are one of the biggest issues in in life
yeah and and the
clearing of the relationship issues and the getting through them is some of the
best breakthrough that you can help somebody with. And I've also had people
that have had issues with their, I've had fathers and mothers that have had
issues with their children. Like one of my clients, her son had a drug
problem and you know it was just, she was in turmoil over it right? As you would be
and you know no matter what she did she kept trying to confront him and get him
help and he just wouldn't listen, you know, wouldn't have anything to do with
her really, didn't even want to hear anything from her. So did this whole
thing connection mode, she was not in connection mode, she was in conflict mode.
And so every time she would try to talk to them it turned into a big conflict.
Instead of it being, I want to help you, let's get help, it was. I'm sorry, are
you're checking, are you in connection mode with this person specifically when
you're saying, are you in connection mode? Or is this like in general and like...
Good question, good question. So I use this usually when someone comes in with
a specific relationship problem like I just mentioned. But I have had people
that are loners and they don't have connection with anyone. And so that's
another thing where you will discern that and maybe pick up on it. And that's
gonna be really important for them. Because like I said, they don't have to
connect with everyone. But if someone comes in and they have a heart wall,
that's another thing. If somebody has a heart wall. Well, you know, they've built
up barriers and walls around their heart that nobody comes in, you know, they're
not, they're just behind their wall. They're, they're gonna be causing a lot
of harm to themselves again. Yeah, so. Okay, so let's do how.
I think you did this with me also relative to singleness. I think you
tested that because we were talking about, you know, where's the new husband, right?
And wanting to make sure that I was in connection mode. I forgot about that. Yes,
see, a lot of times I just go by what I'm sensing. That's why I was trying to
organize it all. How can I share it? But you're right, Susie. Yes. Maybe kind of
goes along with the loner thing. Not that I'm a loner, but in maybe in that
category, right? In that category of romantic relationships. Maybe I was being
a loner and I didn't know it. Yes, yes. You don't realize you're not. You don't
realize what you really want. You don't know why though. Yeah, so it's a very spiritual or energetic thing.
It's a subconscious energetic thing. You're creating. You're giving off what you're available with. Yeah, yeah.
That's interesting because I have a lot of girlfriends that are single in their
late 30s and they don't know why. Yeah, so many. You know? Yeah. And they're great girls.
And I don't, I don't, every situation could be different, but I'm always like,
you know, what's going on behind the scenes? So they can be your practice. They can be your practice client.
Because, so I just, that reminds me, Susie, I just did this with a girl that
just a month ago that came in. She's in her 30s and she's had like a string of
bad relationships. And she's a believer. She's a darling Christian girl. She's
successful in her work and all that. And, you know, she's had just kind of a string
of yucky guys, you know? And so you want to go like, why? Why? Why are you not
attracting the people that match your value? Or are you like, for Susie, like,
are you subconsciously blocking people out without realizing it? Yeah. So that,
yes. Thank you. That needs to be added. And I'll say, Nicole, I mean, while I don't have any men knocking on my
door, as Holly and I went through this, because when I signed up for her for this year,
I was like, Holly, here's, here's my challenges. And one of them was, where's
the husband? And so I was like, can you help me with that? And, you know, we ended,
like, there were definitely things that were, that got uncovered and that we
dealt with. So I mean, it was, I don't, even though there's not someone knocking on my
door, it doesn't mean that it wasn't, it wasn't productive and necessary. And so
I think, Nicole, like, it could totally be helpful for these women to go through
the process, because there could be things that are standing in the way that
they don't, they don't realize are standing in the way. Right, right, right. That's cool. Well, my mother-in-law met her husband in Kalispell, so she just got remarried. I'll release that testimony on YouTube.
Woohoo! The testimony of Jesus through the prophecy. It's all over. It's right. It's true. Exactly. Yeah. She's gonna marry this summer. I love that.
She met him line dancing. No way. Yeah. There you go. Aw, that's so cute. Line dancing in Kalispell. That'll do it.
So the process for this is the same. You're muscle testing for someone. Are you in connection mode?
And if you get a no, you're asking what is blocking that? Because you're wired to connect
with people. So what's blocking you from connecting freely? Yeah. And then you go to
the mind map. And then you go to the map. So whatever comes up... Do you go to the map the
very beginning? Or are you like, we're going to just go in the emotion world where it's like
just the emotions and beliefs? No, I check the whole thing. You start at the beginning. Yeah.
I check the whole thing. But you start with healing mode. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense.
Yeah. This is so interesting. Or connection mode. So then whatever comes up, you release it. You're
clearing out the blockages. And then before they leave, you test are you in connection mode
to make sure. So you're clearing all their relationship blocks.