Hi y'all. I just had a moment in the shower and just wanted to share real
quick just about just kind of what I'm processing and where I'm at in this
journey. So a friend and I were talking yesterday about just some struggles
she's having with an adult daughter and just a realization that like she didn't
ever really pursue her daughter's heart. She was just very focused on just
performance and behavior and just stuff like that. Doing things right and she
said and I just missed my daughter's heart and and so it just got me
thinking like yeah you know I could say that for my parents too. Like I just I
grew up very much like you're praised and you're encouraged and you're
complimented if you're good at stuff you know. If you get good grades, if you you
know do well in sports. You know my dad's most proud of me when I'm you know
out on the volleyball court like or weightlifting or doing these things and
I it's like I've started to see that it's like I'm not able to perform so
much. Like you know keep a clean house or these kind of things that like it seems
to people in my life like that the praise and the encouragement and the
love lessens a bit you know. And so it was just like this realization for me
that like there's really not many people in my life who have like pursued my
heart. Yeah I'm like the type of person that kind of like wears my heart on my
sleeve. And I think it's just because I'm like do you see me? Does anybody see me?
Like um and so I you know I overshare and I do all these things because I'm
just like does anybody just see me? Like past all the performing and all the
things that I can do like am I still lovable you know? And I feel like the
message I have received most of my life is like no I'm not like unless I'm doing
all these things then I'm not. Like then nobody sees me you know. You know a child
has very similar personality to me like very boisterous and just outgoing and
loving and joyful and he's a lot sometimes. I feel like that was just the
message I was communicated so much was just you're just a lot. Um and you should
be different. And so you know I've lived a lot of my life being like you know be
like Christ. Imitate Christ. Like be like Jesus. Um and not that's bad it's like I
feel like yes we should want to emulate his character but I feel like so much of
it has been like my personality is very different than like I wouldn't consider
myself like meek and mild and you know very outgoing and and so it's like you
know maybe I'm conservative based off of the fact that I've just been growing up
in that environment but so I feel like I'm in a bit of an identity crisis and
all kinds of things right now. So um but I feel like that was just a really big
revelation to just to just accept that like nobody in my life has really been
willing to like
Pursue my heart and if nobody ever is willing, can God come into that and and be the one
and will that be enough, you know?
And so I feel like there's more I could say but that's just kind of where I'm at right
now, like desiring someone to really see me and love me, pursue me, for me.
So yeah.