life is interesting is it really windy where we live today but I feel like
there's lots of shifting going on for me I'm not exactly sure like what it is
exactly but I just some thoughts I've been having lately that I'm just like
you know about the world culture around us like us as kind of moving and
choosing like not to do the nine-to-five and have the big house and you know all
that stuff is kind of just I don't know
I don't know how to explain it like it just brought some things up where it's
just like so what do we want you know like and I just saw this quote from a
homeschool group that I follow on Instagram and it said you know I don't
think any of us will look back and and wish that we spent less time with our
kids and I feel like I find myself in this place of being like you know even
you know church and Christianity has taught us so much about being productive
and you know doing all things unto the Lord and and I know this is gonna again
I feel like all these things I say some heretical heretical but heretical or
but it's like you know work unto the Lord
on our life you know everything you're producing
it's best and that's you know you're not glorifying the Lord and if you know you're
sleeping in because you're tired like that's not unto the Lord you know I don't know if I'm making any sense but I just I need to go back and read the story of Mary and Martha because something just hit me the other day it was like here were these two and
Martha that was just frantically doing all these things you know and and the
other one was sitting with Jesus and and I feel like a lot of times that scripture
is like you know made it be like you know you just need to take the time to
sit before Jesus and be with Jesus and it just hit me the other day that I was
like you know what if it was so much more about like your worth is not found
in all of this stuff that was it Martha I may be getting a Martha's like your
worth is not found in all of this stuff that Martha's doing like it's just me
you know yes sitting with Jesus but it's like actually it says rest is not an
activity it's a it's just a lifestyle place of being it's being who we are
that created to be and so my husband doesn't work as much as he used to work
as far as like as many hours and we're trying to just spend more time together
as a family and we're actually trying to figure out like how can we have a
business we're honestly like noble our son is like a part of it and we're
doing this together and you know that it's not so much about
you know the productivity and the producing and all of that
and so I feel like I'm just still processing through like you know what
the stuff that was he said yesterday about time and everything you know I'm
just like you know our kids grow and they grow fast and it happens fast and
it's like but we've been so conditioned and taught that like
not saying we need to homeschool, everybody needs to homeschool, but it's like we're sending our kids away and then we're working and we're so
disconnected as a unit and I feel like I'm kind of bringing it back to the
point but just the whole like everything unto God and doing everything for God
and I and I feel like I've been so focused on like what does that look like
like I'm a mother I got to be doing this unto God and it's like my focus then is
pulled off of
My family, like, in a way it's like I feel like I've had to choose, like, serving God
or like being present and involved with my family or, you know, just that I have to be
doing all of these things outside of my family unit to glorify God and I know I'm not making a lot of sense but, you know, part of me is just like, what, you know, what changes need to happen in our life because of all of the
lies that I feel like I've been taught in the church, but, like, to be a good mom I have to, you know, look a certain way or do certain things or to be a good wife I have to
pick it up and make that as a breakfast. Like, Casey just talked so much about the control and expectations and I don't think a lot of us came to that place because we have controlling personalities, but that we came to that place because of these, like,
expectations that, like, if we don't look a certain way or we're not doing it this way then it's not glorifying God or serving our families right or, you know, that kind of thing. It's like, you know, I don't know. Maybe I should delete this.
But, you know, I feel like there's so much in me that I'm, like, I don't want these expectations anymore. Like, I want to just be with my family and, like, soak in the time that I have with them because it is, you know, it does move on, you know, like, my son will grow.
And it's like, I just, I want to savor the time instead of constantly being, like, I have to do all these things and I only have this short amount of time, if that makes sense, you know. And all of these other things matter and this, you know, just focusing on, I feel like, in a way, focusing on my family has been, like, you know,
made to be a bad thing almost. Like, because I'm not putting God above them, if that makes sense, you know. And it's like, and so for me, I'm just like, what does it look like to be married at Jesus' feet and not so focused on all of these things outside of that but also, like, doing things outside of just being with Jesus, you know.
So, yeah, obviously, I'm just like, if this makes any sense. But, you know, we're just in a really interesting place in life of being, like, how do we move forward in so many ways? Like, do we want our lives to look like as far as, like, how we spend our time and our money and what we do for work and, you know.
I'm talking to so many people that are feeling the same way of just, like, you spend all this time, like, focused on all these things and family hasn't been a part of it. And family's almost, like, demonized. Like, you know, don't put your family first, you know, because that wouldn't be what God wants. He's a jealous God and he wants all of you.
And I feel like there's always been this tension for me of being, like, how do I have these relationships in my life that I have that make God more important, you know. And it's like, what if serving these relationships in my life is a way that I love God and serve God and show my affection to him?
is loving and serving the people in my life, and that it's not so much about
doing things unto the Lord. Does that make sense? Because it's like, to me, that just
creates more like expectation and pressure to perform a certain way. So all that to say,
I'm still in there, like, not really, you know, understanding all of what's happening
in my life and soul and spirit and body and, you know, all of that.
But knowing that, like, I just, I don't want to do things the way we've been doing them.
And it's like, so then how do we function in this world when you don't subscribe to the
the system of, you know, working nine to five like everybody else, you know,
sending your kids to public school, if that's the thing, you know, like,
how do you live outside of that and still survive, you know, like, financially and like,
not be hopeless. So,
so yeah, this is kind of where I'm at. We're kind of where we're at. And just
be like, okay, guys, like, we know we don't want to leave had
and we want a genuine relationship with you. But it doesn't all look like that.
So, thoughts.
And is there more to that than just, oh, she's preoccupied by all these tasks,
and you see a sit here and be with me. You know, or is it just like, that's not what I expect of
you. I don't expect you to be busy and do all these things. And, you know, like, have your plate
so full and be so productive. And, you know, I don't expect that of you. I just want you to be,
you know. So that's where I am. Looking forward to tonight.