WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:08.600
Hello, I'm Alicia Waterman. I live in a rural town in East Texas with my husband

2
00:00:08.600 --> 00:00:13.880
of 11 years, Sean, who's a state trooper, and we had our miracle baby 19 months

3
00:00:13.880 --> 00:00:19.320
ago and his name is Henry. I left real estate when I became a mom, so I'm a

4
00:00:19.320 --> 00:00:27.400
stay-at-home mom. Let's see, I made notes so I wouldn't forget what to say. I met

5
00:00:27.400 --> 00:00:32.560
Ashley in college at Letourneau and Audra, her sister, invited me to the

6
00:00:32.560 --> 00:00:37.720
five-day intensive and I felt like it really opened my eyes to some things, so

7
00:00:37.720 --> 00:00:44.120
I wanted to be able to listen to videos multiple times and really absorb the

8
00:00:44.120 --> 00:00:49.680
information, especially when you're dealing with like lifelong patterns of

9
00:00:49.680 --> 00:00:54.480
thinking and whatever. It's good to be able to just take your time to really

10
00:00:54.480 --> 00:01:04.120
absorb it, so I joined the group and my word of the year for 2021 is abide, so

11
00:01:04.120 --> 00:01:10.080
God's really working on me and believing that I really am loved. I've already

12
00:01:10.080 --> 00:01:15.960
kind of posted a picture of a Bible journaling that I did for the first

13
00:01:15.960 --> 00:01:22.760
video, just really thinking about it and that's the way I kind of do my prayers

14
00:01:22.760 --> 00:01:31.080
sometimes is I'll write out a prayer and then I do a Bible page with it. So my

15
00:01:31.080 --> 00:01:36.920
struggle since childhood because I grew up in an abusive environment. There's my

16
00:01:36.920 --> 00:01:40.800
cat again. I've tried to do this video three times and I'm just gonna ignore

17
00:01:40.800 --> 00:01:50.160
the cat because he's ignorable. All my life I have felt in love because of that

18
00:01:50.160 --> 00:01:55.400
environment and I believe that subconsciously even though I've been

19
00:01:55.400 --> 00:02:02.280
exposed to God's love through my testimony. My testimony is I walked into

20
00:02:02.280 --> 00:02:06.000
a church for the first time in Washington State where you know there is

21
00:02:06.000 --> 00:02:12.040
no Bible Belt. It's very atheist and I felt his presence and I felt his love

22
00:02:12.040 --> 00:02:16.680
was there and I had never felt that before in my life. I had never felt his

23
00:02:16.680 --> 00:02:22.760
true love and then when I read the Bible I learned what true love was. So

24
00:02:22.760 --> 00:02:28.440
like it's there. I've been exposed to it. I still am exposed to his love. I still

25
00:02:28.440 --> 00:02:33.840
feel his blessings you know but subconsciously there's still something

26
00:02:33.840 --> 00:02:38.640
there and there's some kind of stronghold that this is probably my

27
00:02:38.640 --> 00:02:46.040
biggest thing of not entering into rest is believing that I'm really loved and

28
00:02:46.040 --> 00:02:59.200
so that is why I'm here. My pattern of life has been anxiety, worry, striving

29
00:02:59.200 --> 00:03:02.240
because of insecurities. When you know when you don't feel love you don't have

30
00:03:02.240 --> 00:03:10.480
confidence, you don't have self-worth, all those things so you know I'm always

31
00:03:10.480 --> 00:03:16.040
worn out because I'm always striving. Everything is two times harder when it's

32
00:03:16.040 --> 00:03:22.480
done and striving and for years you know I've been trying to learn to let go and

33
00:03:22.480 --> 00:03:28.400
let God and to be still which that's what that means is to let go and let God

34
00:03:28.400 --> 00:03:35.520
and all these things and it's like still it's better like progress not

35
00:03:35.520 --> 00:03:43.480
perfection but it's not I'm still not at rest even after doing the five day you

36
00:03:43.480 --> 00:03:53.200
know when I did it a few times I felt I really felt a difference but there's

37
00:03:53.200 --> 00:03:58.160
just so much it was like I feel like I would have to be doing it every five

38
00:03:58.200 --> 00:04:07.760
minutes sometimes so I'm not sure I feel like maybe it's going to be a process of

39
00:04:07.760 --> 00:04:12.520
figuring out when I'm in rest and when I'm not and I don't really know how it's

40
00:04:12.520 --> 00:04:16.839
gonna work. I'm different because I'm new and yet I've already done the five days

41
00:04:16.839 --> 00:04:25.520
so I have a little more expectation on what the material is but I'm looking

42
00:04:25.520 --> 00:04:37.560
forward to like I said just really let it soak in and not and not strive in

43
00:04:37.560 --> 00:04:42.640
doing the program. The five day I didn't feel like was I was striving it was like

44
00:04:42.640 --> 00:04:52.760
I was excited to see what Ashley had to say each day so yeah I just want to learn

45
00:04:52.760 --> 00:04:59.560
to do things in rest and not striving not

46
00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:10.640
secure. That's kind of seemed to all go together for me. So I guess that's all I have on my notes.

47
00:05:10.640 --> 00:05:19.960
So I look forward to, I'm going to be going through and seeing what some of your posts are

48
00:05:19.960 --> 00:05:26.360
and I thank Ashley for this group and putting this together and for her heart for people to

49
00:05:26.360 --> 00:05:27.520
learn how to rest.