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Okay, second attempt. I'm Audra Holdsworth. I'm Ashley's younger sister and I have

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two little girls who are five or almost five and six and a half. Been married for

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eight and a half years and have... it took me a while to start doing this.

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It's a little hard to, at least it was for me, to think that my older sister

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whom I love and I talk to and we share things, but to think that she

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could tell me something basically that I didn't already know that was this big

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because we grew up together, we learned, I mean we had Bible classes all

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through our schooling, homeschool, and it it was just a little bit hard for me to

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think that she would know something this dramatic without me, but surprise. So I

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had, when she originally told me about this, I was not ready and I knew I was

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not ready. I had gone to different counselors throughout the last, oh man,

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15 years or so and had Christian ones, or well, ones that were pastors, not really

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counselors, that didn't work, and ones that were completely secular, that

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didn't work, and ones that were combinations, which only one of those

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started actually really helping and making me realize what was going on and

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anyways, but I tried Celebrate Recovery, which was very good and helped me meet

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other people who have the same, similar issues, but again it was just, it was just

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talking. I didn't get a chance to do the step study because then COVID happened.

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Sorry, I'm being interrupted. Mom is on the phone. No, I'm on the phone. I'll be out in five minutes.

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Five minutes? Okay.

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Well, Kayla, I will be back in a minute, okay? I'll be back in a minute. I didn't

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know if this was gonna stay live. Apparently it is. Hi, Ashley. I thought maybe

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barricading myself in the bathroom would be the best way to do this, but it's not

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happening. Anyways, so, so all that and anyways, then COVID happened before

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we were gonna do the step study and so that kind of fell through and then when

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they came back and said they were gonna do step study again, I just felt, I didn't

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feel like God wanted me to do it, which is kind of weird. I just felt like he had

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something else for me, which I feel like I've been waiting for forever and ever

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and ever. You know, you feel like people tell you you just don't have enough

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belief and that's why you're not healed, but it's, it was never really explained

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to me the spiritual realm and everything. I think people just thought, you know, you

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automatically know what's going on. We grew up when we were little in a

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charismatic church and it just, you know, I don't know, certain things just, you

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think they're normal and you think they are the way it's supposed to be, like you

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must speak in tongues. Absolutely must and if you never do, it's, it just felt

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weird. It felt strange. I've always felt off on another level than everyone else

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who is able to, you know, speak in the spiritual realm and everything, but

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anyways, so then I started this and it was a huge, huge eye-opener. There have

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been so many passages that were so confusing growing up and, you know, the

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ones that didn't quite match up, people would always say, you know, it's, can't put

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God in a box, which you cannot and not everything completely matches up because

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we do not have the mind of God, but so many things are being put into the right

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perspective in the right place. I've actually been able to speak to God

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through my spirit, which I have, I mean, it was so rare. I didn't even know what I

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was doing before.

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And it's just absolutely amazing and freeing and this study has been

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really good for that. But anyways, that's about my introduction. I've been having

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fun getting to know all of y'all and I'll talk to y'all later. Bye!