It's me again. I actually am actually in the middle of a video, session 7, talking
about the Tree of Life versus the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, and
something actually says in there about Revelation, how in Revelation God
commends part of the Church of Thessalonia, sorry my notes are not right
here, but the Theodosia, thank you, Theodosia, about the people being
innocent in a way that they do not know Satan's little tricks or little deceits
or secrets, little secrets, and it just it struck me so hard because I have read
that verse, I have read that verse many times and I've also read the other verse
that says something to the effect of, you know, be innocent or what is it, innocent
as lambs but sly as serpents, I think, and it's always hard for me to distinguish
the difference between innocence and ignorance. Well, okay, to an extent that
it's hard to explain to for me without using like an actual dictionary because
I know they're different, however, I always viewed innocence as
innocent as ignorance or not experienced at all in anything and you don't and you
don't know things that you should know or if you don't know you're just
you're at risk of something happening to you, if that makes any sense, so I had
spent, I don't know when it was, late junior high, early high school where I
started making myself watch scary parts of movies or disturbing things, you know,
I would make myself keep my eyes open even though I didn't want to and because
I didn't want, I didn't want to be seen as weak and I did not want to be caught
off guard, I did not want to be seen as innocent, I honestly didn't want to be
seen as a woman at all and that has to go back, you know, to earlier issues and
some abuse but it really struck me because I've been doing this for years, I
mean, watching the most horrible things about real life and the things that
people do to other people and you know, a lot of this stuff I thought was
common knowledge and I wanted to know, I did not want to be in the dark, I didn't
want to be caught off guard anymore, I didn't want something to begin happening
to me and I didn't know what it was because I had no idea how this would end
up, I don't know if any of this makes sense, anyway, that verse really, really
hit me and that's, that was, that's major in my life about knowing things and
basically protecting myself and making
knowledge more of a, of a protection so that I know what's going on and I will
not be surprised and I will not be horrified every time something bad
happens because I know what happens in the world but we're not meant to live
that way and to know these things, we're not meant to be able to handle this
stuff, that's why it's called trauma. So,
hmm, just really digesting this and knowing that it's gonna change a lot of
stuff for me and in what I watch and listen to and think about and I know
it's gonna be a bit of a struggle because I will feel like I am not
protecting myself and that I am just left out in the open but I know that's
not true and we'll be
Speaking to myself about that later.