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It's me again. I actually am actually in the middle of a video, session 7, talking

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about the Tree of Life versus the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, and

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something actually says in there about Revelation, how in Revelation God

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commends part of the Church of Thessalonia, sorry my notes are not right

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here, but the Theodosia, thank you, Theodosia, about the people being

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innocent in a way that they do not know Satan's little tricks or little deceits

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or secrets, little secrets, and it just it struck me so hard because I have read

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that verse, I have read that verse many times and I've also read the other verse

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that says something to the effect of, you know, be innocent or what is it, innocent

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as lambs but sly as serpents, I think, and it's always hard for me to distinguish

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the difference between innocence and ignorance. Well, okay, to an extent that

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it's hard to explain to for me without using like an actual dictionary because

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I know they're different, however, I always viewed innocence as

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innocent as ignorance or not experienced at all in anything and you don't and you

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don't know things that you should know or if you don't know you're just

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you're at risk of something happening to you, if that makes any sense, so I had

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spent, I don't know when it was, late junior high, early high school where I

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started making myself watch scary parts of movies or disturbing things, you know,

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I would make myself keep my eyes open even though I didn't want to and because

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I didn't want, I didn't want to be seen as weak and I did not want to be caught

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off guard, I did not want to be seen as innocent, I honestly didn't want to be

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seen as a woman at all and that has to go back, you know, to earlier issues and

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some abuse but it really struck me because I've been doing this for years, I

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mean, watching the most horrible things about real life and the things that

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people do to other people and you know, a lot of this stuff I thought was

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common knowledge and I wanted to know, I did not want to be in the dark, I didn't

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want to be caught off guard anymore, I didn't want something to begin happening

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to me and I didn't know what it was because I had no idea how this would end

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up, I don't know if any of this makes sense, anyway, that verse really, really

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hit me and that's, that was, that's major in my life about knowing things and

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basically protecting myself and making

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knowledge more of a, of a protection so that I know what's going on and I will

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not be surprised and I will not be horrified every time something bad

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happens because I know what happens in the world but we're not meant to live

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that way and to know these things, we're not meant to be able to handle this

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stuff, that's why it's called trauma. So,

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hmm, just really digesting this and knowing that it's gonna change a lot of

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stuff for me and in what I watch and listen to and think about and I know

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it's gonna be a bit of a struggle because I will feel like I am not

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protecting myself and that I am just left out in the open but I know that's

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not true and we'll be

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Speaking to myself about that later.