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Okay.

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Hey Renata.

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Hi.

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Hey, good to see you.

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Oh, well that's kind of why I did it.

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I thought well that's cool so it's normally nine our time. Now it's nine y'all's time so everybody does it at nine o'clock.

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Nine right. Huh. Usually meet at nine. Yes, yeah Eastern Standard Time Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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I'm so glad you wrote the message for some reason I thought it was tomorrow in my head.

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Like it's on Wednesdays, like, I'm sorry. Well, also please forgive me this is a my first time doing a doing multiple doing a fireside chat for internationals only.

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I forgot this one. So I told Renata. I was like, I'm sorry, right before the meeting, I'll email the new zoom link so even the one that I have is temporary I'm going to have to make a, I'm going to have to make a new zoom link.

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I'm sorry, but I have a new zoom link.

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So, even the one that I have is temporary I'm going to have to make a permanent one, and then put it and I'll put it in the platform so I apologize everything's a little here and scare him while I'm switching over to the new platform.

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I'm going to be adding in a new meeting to the roster. So, that's fine.

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It gives us time to all meet because poor Renata would have to like just make a decision about whether or not she felt she could stay at till two in the morning on a school night, you know,

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how are y'all doing.

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Yeah.

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Y'all doing all right.

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I'm feeling a bit better. Yeah, I've been to work so it's like, yeah, but just, it's, it's the right time to be a part of this process I feel like so it's it's a good.

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I've been listening a lot to Kim Walker Smith going. Okay, there you go.

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Like, yeah, that's some setup. I'm like, No, come on. Yeah.

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Yeah, well that's great perfect timing that I'm glad that it that it is good timing I think it really is.

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It's good timing for everyone. And just because I just know from different people's stories. And it's just that everyone's in different situations and how they're feeling the, I don't know the urgent the sense of urgency or the sense of like, Oh, it's the

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right time. And so some people are just kind of I know I know that some people are just, they're not in new situations so much as the fact that they are in because I don't know if yours is in like a newly pressurized situation where it's like there's

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But I know for some people, it's just like, Okay, this, this is enough. Enough is enough. I have been doing this for how long and I just can't keep going. And that for me is what that's what happened to me I mean yeah I was in really extreme circumstances at the time

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and so yeah it was a it was a trigger but mainly it was just, I was just worn out, you know, I'd like I cannot keep going on fumes. So, however, everyone got here in their own unique circumstances, it's always exciting to watch everyone come at just the right

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time and see how God meets them, because if he invited them. He's like, then that within my invitation is my promise to you that you know that now's the time, and this is in is my promise to you that I'm going to carry you through with through this so anyway it's

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it's always, it's always exciting.

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In the invitation because there's always a promise of fulfillment within the invitation, as opposed to Oh well, you know God's throwing that out like a carrot. And when that'd be nice if that with the word always comes the, the, the ability for that to be fulfilled

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But anyway, so this is just a, say it's a, say it's a fireside chat I don't remember it no it's a rest group that's what this is mainly for sorry I had to remember, and the reason that I did that is because the rest group is a is a time where y'all can just

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know what y'all did you know during the during the discussion times it for the during the rest retreat is it gives y'all an opportunity to interact and I know that y'all happen to be friends but not everybody who will be doing the international group will

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be friends and so they won't always get a chance to do this.

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an opportunity to get to, I don't know, speak up, be able to just share and have a voice because

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there's healing that comes with that. There's an ability to articulate things that and get to

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discover things simply because you said it and you didn't know it and you didn't know you felt that

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way until you said it, you know, or you didn't know that this was the problem, you know, or that

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this is the solution until you said it. So the point of the rest groups are more for y'all to

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discuss things or, you know, obviously y'all can ask questions and whatever, but for y'all to share

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and then during the other times, you know, it's Q and A, of course, like I said, people can ask

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me questions as well, but I just wanted to let you explain all of that so that, you know, y'all

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have freedom to, you know, discuss what it is that, where it is that y'all are, you know, just

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on your journeys to catch us up on it. And y'all can just talk amongst yourselves if you want,

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or you can include me in it, but I just want you to, I feel bad if there's only two of you.

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I don't know if you'd like that or if you wish that there were more. You wish that there were more.

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So I'm here if you want me to be part of the discussion, but I just wanted to.

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We'd love for you to be part of the discussion. Okay.

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We live in different cities. Oh, I didn't know that.

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We are, we're good friends and we come from the same city, but then I moved away. So we actually

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don't meet often. Oh, well, that's cool. Okay. A lot of things I don't know. I don't know.

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I haven't talked to her since we started this. Oh, really? Oh, wow. Okay.

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It is actually, it's not like we're repeating something we talked about yesterday.

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Oh, okay. Okay. Well, this is perfect then. The Lord knows.

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Anyway, y'all are empowered and free and to just catch us up on where it is that y'all are,

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kind of like on your processing through things between you and the Lord, just where you just

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currently are on it. So anyway, so I'm just here if you need me or whatever, but here we go.

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So, so does anyone have anything that, would anyone like to start, you know, with how it is

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that, where it is they are, how they're feeling and about things. And then Renata, you had sent

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me some questions. And so if there's any of those questions that you'd like me to answer now,

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I can, otherwise I could just like type out some of those answers to some of those questions. I

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don't remember what they all were, but I can do that, you know, some other time as well. So just

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FYI, but you'll have to remind me what they are and which ones you want answered. And so.

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Yeah. Well, you can just start. You want me to start? Okay. Well, I just listened,

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finished listening to the teaching and always, I just watched the seventh video and it's always,

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and it was really interesting to hear again, like the rest shifting tools, because I think,

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I don't know, it's like, it was interesting what you said, Ashley, in it, because you said about

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something about, like it goes deeper layers and there's, you come around it and it's like the

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second time around, but it's like something deeper about it because I've gone through this

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and I, I could share quite a bit about what's going on of good things because I am feeling

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the love of God in a way that I haven't felt for 20 years, which is so amazing. It's,

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um, um, and it was choosing it. It was when I realized that I actually don't have to believe

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and I don't have to try and I don't have to change those three things, which is like,

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I don't even have to change or I don't have to believe. And oh my gosh, I'm trying so hard and

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it's not working. And then I realized I didn't have to do anything. And then I could just

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choose it. I could say that, okay, my new reality is that God loves me and I don't even believe it,

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but that's going to be my reality. And, um, and then the feelings started coming afterwards.

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I was starting to notice that he actually loved me. And, um, that is starting to have like a big

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impact on my life. And I could tell also that when I, uh, when the hard things occur,

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like I told you before Christmas, Ashley, and I told a little bit maybe to you on that,

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about some of the things I've said that happened to hard things in my life.

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and for instance with these people and the things that happened in church and I could just tell that

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I immediately felt God affirming me and that my heart was empty of bitterness

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and like I didn't go into before I could of course I would go to God after a while but

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there was more of a oh why did this happen oh I'm such a horrible person

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God why aren't you doing anything why hasn't why are you allowing this and really really tough

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things were happening and I my default thought was that I would like I wouldn't go into the

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old default I would hear God affirming me and telling me that he loved me and I would feel

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safe and protected like in a very new way and um and just like the feeling that I'm not holding

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anything against God even when really tough things where you easily ask questions why

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that that didn't happen has been like amazing like incredible and just like feeling free

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of resentment how it's God and like he's he's like all these horrible things can happen

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and I know he loves me and I don't even ask why like it was it was actually a little bit weird

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I'm like I'm not gonna ask why I don't have a need to ask why um so but what I realized though

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so there's like I have several stories of that and um uh but uh of the just but what I'm feeling

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is that I do still have resentment towards people which is interesting I was just like oh my gosh

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and it's not like a lot or I think I would have noticed it before but it's just like and with me

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with God it started that I started to empty my heart of the resentment like I was totally honest

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about how I felt how it's in but now I can still feel that there is still some kind of bitterness

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towards people and that I think I've been there for years and I think it came with my sickness

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and the hard things that happen in life and I don't know how to get rid rid of it the way I've

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been my heart has been emptied of bitterness towards God and also I feel like I'm hitting

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the some of the same problems and struggling to enter into rest but it feels like a new layer

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doesn't feel like three months ago it feels like was something you said on the video that oh my

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gosh I'm here again but then you're no I'm not here again I'm not here again but it feels the

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same but it's not the same but it's still hard and it's still painful and you still have to believe

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and choose and you still it's still like a real struggle and you still have to recklessly abandon

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and choose so so I think those things with that with the feeling bitterness that there's something

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in my heart that has happened over time where there is bitterness towards people and struggling

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to enter rest but it feels different than what I struggled with three months ago and also I think

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like that and one of the things like that I addressed to you actually was and Annette knows

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this about me like we've discussed theology many times and we have various views and we have grown

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and we have challenged each other and all everything in between and but I think and I

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think like the first time around that was one of the things remember that I had to surrender

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like I had to surrender the conservative Christianity I don't know I think I told

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you in one of our one-on-one talks and like to like to surrender the bible it kind of sounds

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weird but even you guys know what I mean it's like oh your view of the bible that's you said

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you're not actually giving up the bible but you give you're letting go of your view of the bible

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that like the things that have come in with the truth like lots of things that might not have

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come in so I think yeah maybe and then I felt like I told you in one of the teachings

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I had another roadblock which I wrote to you like suddenly there were things that I really struggled

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to take in and I'm like I don't know and it became like a big roadblock and I couldn't that's why I

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felt like I need to tell you because I can actually not pay attention to what's going on

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anymore because I can just think about is this right is this wrong can I swallow this I can't

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hard to put it on the shelf and I did and then but it just so that's one thing that I've been like

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I realize that this thing with theology has come up again and I thought I would mention it to you

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and also ask questions if you could clarify some of the things and I don't know if it's the same

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thing the second time around because I did surrender my view of the bible and the theology

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and like opened my up to take everything that was from the spirit so I already did surrender that

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and I felt like I was able to take in everything and if like you say if there's something I'm like

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I don't know about that like you said I put it on the shelf and then I see later on oh I think

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it is from God or I still don't know or maybe I'm not going to take that in for now but for some

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reason it became problem this time and I'm not really sure why so I think those three things

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were the main things done I think with theology the thing with bitterness towards people and

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coming entering rest the third the second time and struggling to enter rest yeah I don't know

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and after this this makes sense or or because you know I told you some of these things but not all

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of them yes it makes sense I was just thinking with the with the bitter the resentment is that

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um because now that's just a question in your question because when I went through like the

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whole like forgiveness thing with my ex it's like then I had to like choose you know it's like I was

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so mad every time but I was like I forgive you know I mean I was biting in my pillow I was so

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I choose to forgive and then finally it was like gone you know so I don't but but is this like

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because I'm like well that worked you know so I know I know that work it was like

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it was like I forgive I give it to God I forgive I give it like I don't know how many times a day

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there's nothing to forgive there's nothing to yeah so that's where I'm like how how does this

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is there an easier way to do that like with resentment like

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you just like give it like I'm kind of at yeah I don't know

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different yeah because there's resentment towards people that haven't done anything wrong

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it's like they haven't done anything wrong against me and the same but the thing that

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helped me with God was to be extremely honest with him a few times and almost yell and scream

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and be childish because I had to empty myself of all of it like I was I had to really and

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realize how mad I was at God that was the start of emptying my heart of resentment towards God

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but then this time maybe maybe I could do the same but there's no one that's done anything to me

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God had that I felt God had done something towards me I was it was very very personal

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but with people people haven't done anything towards me

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but it's it's just that I'm like kind of like a little bit suspicious or a little bit bitterness

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or see things in a little bit of a dark shade when it's not intended I don't know and it's

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not very it's not like very strong and it's not like people would notice and I usually catch

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myself and they're like that's not right so I'm not going to act according to it so I don't think

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people really notice but I can tell and then I'm like why do I always have to choose why do I feel

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this and not what I like I'm tired of this I'm tired of like having this kind of suspicion or

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or feeling some kind of bitterness towards because yeah yeah when and not start with clean

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sheets like of course I want everyone to meet me with because this is where I would love to hear

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what Ashley asked to say because I'm normally I would just go into like oh I'll find my five

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why's like well why do I feel that okay well because of this and then why because of this

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because what you know and then I'll find like the root cause and then I'll go and be like oh my gosh

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I'm gonna repent and go back like in you know on my mom's side and my dad's side like demons and

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blah blah blah and then I'm like well clearly we're not doing that so anymore which I still

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have to learn so I'm like I'd love to hear your take on it yeah me too well I'll try I'll see how

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helpful I can be

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It can be, um, but so sometimes the, the resentment towards other people can

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come, you know, just kind of like a general sense of resentment.

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Like you said, well, they, they haven't done anything to me.

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Okay.

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There's a few different scenarios.

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I mean, it could be that they actually.

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They act that you're resentful because of something they actually

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have done or haven't done.

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But in your mind, you're not counting that because you don't

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think you should feel that way.

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Logically you're like, oh, I know they did that, but that's no

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reason for me to be upset.

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But it doesn't mean that you're not upset because of that thing.

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You're trying to talk yourself out of like, well, I shouldn't be.

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So therefore that's not the real reason.

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Cause that's not logical, but your feelings are reflective of what you

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believe, not off of what you think.

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And so, so that's why subconsciously we can feel something and not know why

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because we're like, well, I know better than that, or, well, that's not true.

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Yeah.

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But you feel it because you actually do believe it's true.

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So that's a possibility.

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Um, the other possibility is that you're actually not resentful against that is

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that you're resentful against people because, uh, again, I'm just throwing

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out a variety of scenarios because I felt like it was kind of like a, a

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vague kind of sense of a resentment.

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So I'm kind of like throwing out possibilities that it could be.

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And so you see what resonates in your spirit between you and Lord

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and what the Lord highlights to you.

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But another thing can be that we can feel resentment against other people

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because we feel that God somehow.

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We can somehow feel that we're less than other people to God.

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Yeah.

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God loves me.

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Yeah.

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When I get together alone with the Lord, you know, he, you know, he loves me and

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he takes care of me and all of that stuff, but everybody else outranks me.

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I'm somehow always used to help them or I noticed that God comes in for them more

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than he does, you know, and meets them where they need more than he does me.

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So there's this subconscious resentment that why are they better than me?

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Why am I not enough?

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And it's, but really it's a resentment against the Lord because of what we

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believe, not because the people have done anything so we can have

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that subconscious resentment.

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I know that I felt that way towards people simply because I thought God

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loves them better and that he was using me constantly in their life to help

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their life by having the lifeblood sucked out of me towards them.

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And I was very resentful, but really I was resentful against the Lord.

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But when I saw the person, I was very resentful against the, against the

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person, and it took me a while to realize, wait a minute, I'm resentful

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against the Lord, or I'm resentful against so-and-so who's thinking that

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I should be such and such to this person.

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I should help this person.

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Then I'm really resentful against these people for making me

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feel like that or whatever.

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So that, that could be, that could be some of it.

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Same thing with the bitterness is this idea that there's things that we're

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believing about, about ourselves that aren't true, and we're somehow thinking

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that other people are getting away with it, that the Lord is allowing them to

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do it, but he's not allowing us to do it.

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Or he's giving them something he's not giving to us.

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In other words, that there's an unfairness.

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And so, and because we know we're not supposed to be mad at God,

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we're mad at other people.

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And we're not doing this consciously.

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It's all unconscious.

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Um, there's, and what that means is that we're simply stifling different

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aspects of ourselves and that pressure has to come out somewhere.

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So if we're feeling a particular way towards the Lord, and we know that we

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shouldn't, we're subconsciously stifling in that, but that pressure has to go

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somewhere, so it might shoot off over here towards other people or towards

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ourselves or I don't know, just whatever.

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So anyway, that could be that those are some possibilities.

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Any of that resonated at all of like something to think about?

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Yeah, I think it is the second.

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I think it is, uh, maybe if it's someone that for instance, has it very easy in

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life or like, you feel like they've been given a lot and things come very easy

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for them, especially if it's an area where I struggle or an area with which

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I struggle to conquer or something.

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Yeah.

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So then, but I never thought that it actually is for something.

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So maybe it, and that's going to be kind of an enemy too, like either

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envy towards the person or like, why does it come so easy for them or why?

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Um, but I've never thought of it as resentment towards God, but maybe it is.

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So anyway, something for you to explore, um, you know, between you and the Lord

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and asking about, there was something else that came to mind.

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Um, some other point I was going to make about the, about the resentment of a,

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like some other possibility, but it, um, it's escapes me at the moment.

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Um, but yeah, and then I think you were asking how to deal with it.

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Is that right?

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Instead of having to go like through your ancestors and all that good.

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Steph go through. So all of those obviously are like what we talked about in the three realms,

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you know, those are great tools and they work. The thing is, we're not limited by those tools

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and we don't need those tools in order to be free. But if we can't grab a hold of the freedom,

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I was going to say shifting into the freedom, but if we can't grab a hold easily of the freedom

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that God says that we're in, sometimes using a tool kind of gives our soul something to help us

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leverage and be able to kind of make that journey towards the freedom. Because if God's just saying,

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Hey, no, no, no, you're free. And you're like, okay, I get that Lord, but I can't quite make

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that leap. We can use tools to kind of help walk our through ourself through. Because in a way,

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well, there's a bigger subject, but it's, it's giving, it's isolating your intention

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and directing it towards something like, okay, Satan, I'm not going to let you have,

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have any foothold or any stronghold in this area of my life. And I'm going to call it out.

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And one of the, really what it is that you're doing is it's not that Satan needs all of that,

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or the, you know, the evil forces need all of that information and all of that, whatever,

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because in the Bible, we don't see Jesus going through his generational line.

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We don't see Jesus, you know, doing all of this stuff. In fact, usually at least as far as what's

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recorded when he cast out demons, it doesn't say that he usually called them by name. You know,

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sometimes he did, and sometimes he just said, go out. So in other words, all this specificity

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isn't required, but sometimes it is there. So kind of what's the difference. And I don't,

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I don't know for sure, but I do believe that, and this is how, this is how I practice or exercise

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my relationship with the Lord. And it's worked is, is I use these tools to kind of help me direct

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my intentionality. So what am I trying to get myself to do? What, what where do I want to do

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to direct the authority of my soul to tell, to tell, you know, Hey, look, Satan, I'm not going

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to allow this anymore, or I'm going to choose to come into alignment with the spirit. I'm going to,

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whatever. That's why declarations work. I declare this, I declare this, I declare this. It's not

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that the words are magical and it's not that we have to say them in order to be free. We don't

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have to say them in our head. We don't have to say them out loud. How do we know that? Because

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you know, some people are born without a tongue and they can't talk. And so God wouldn't limit

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them to not being saved because they can't confess Jesus with their mouth. And because

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they can't declare with their mouth, you know, Hey, you know, demon, I'm going to call you by

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name and cast you out. Those things just help and support to help anchor our, give an anchor

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to our soul or something definitive for our soul, for us to decide, this is what it is that I am

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doing. I am doing this thing right here. And it's almost like it creates this pressure for our

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intention of this is what I'm choosing. And I'm directing it towards that so that that thing

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finally knows it's getting a commandment. And that's why, what I believe, and I could be wrong,

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but a possibility of why you kept saying, you know, I choose to forgive, I choose to forgive,

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I choose to forgive. And it wouldn't, didn't work, didn't work, didn't work, didn't work.

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And then it worked is because eventually what we do when we declare things is we're kind of

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trying to convince ourselves, or we're trying to, and that's what ends up taking a long time

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is if we're trying to convince ourselves, we're trying to get ourselves to the point where we

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actually finally do make the choice. But when we make the choice, that soul has declared its

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intention and directed it towards something. And all of creation is, was created to respond to

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his soul's intention. So while we're trying to do is to get our soul to make a, a flat out decision

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in its authority in Christ. And so as opposed to, well, I wish this was true, or I know that I'm

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supposed to believe that this is true, or I know that, that God said, this is true. None of those

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things work. We actually have to know we have the authority speak in that authority. And that's the

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only thing that creation or Satan or anything else will actually recognize is if we really are

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standing in our authority, not in the authority that we, we believe that God says that we had,

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or we know we're supposed to believe that God says that we have, that won't work. We actually do have

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to claim that we have that, choose that we have that and talk like we have that not, and without,

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and it can't be wishful thinking. If it's wishful thinking, if we're like, okay, well, I'll do

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everything and hopefully it'll work. It won't work because we're hoping that something's true,

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but we haven't claimed.

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that that actually is true. So we don't really believe it. We're just hoping to use words by

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magic and hoping that just simply because God said, it's true that it's going to happen without

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me having to be involved. Okay. Well, I'll throw out the words. And since God says that I have the

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authority, then I guess that it'll happen. If I just speak the words, no, it'll happen when you

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direct that foot, when you actually claim the authority and direct it. So anyway, that's the

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thing about like resent what I was going to say about like resentment or bitterness or anything

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is that, you know, in order to kind of bypass a lot of these tools, if God gives us the opportunity,

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because sometimes it's like, you know what, as part of the process, you know, you need to,

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you need to learn some things or you're just not there yet. You want to bridge that gap,

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but, but you just don't know child that you really can't bridge that gap yet. So we're

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going to use some tools along the way, because there's nothing wrong with tool. I use them.

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Sorry, they're working on the apartment upstairs. And so they're making some weird noises.

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But anyway, we, we can bypass all of that stuff by believing in other words, by choosing that

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what God says about himself and about us really is true. And as soon as we choose that it's true,

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I mean, like really truly deep down, not choose that we wish that we believed it.

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No. Okay. That is actually my reality. I'm putting skin in the game where I'm going to

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risk disappointment. If this doesn't work, like I put all my, everything on the line,

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put my emotions on the line and whatever I choose that this is true. And then I actually act on it

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so that in you're risking something, because what if you act on it and then you have to bear the

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consequences of the fact that it's actually not true. That's what we're risking. So we have to

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choose. No. Yeah. But did God say, yes, he did. Okay. Then I'm going to act on it. I'm going to

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put my money where my mouth is kind of a thing. But that helps us get over like the resentment

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and the bitterness towards other people, you know, in order to forgive them is choosing that

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we are who God says that we are. Oh, that's what the second point that I was going to make Renata

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is that you said, well, I do believe that God, you know, loves me. And so now I don't believe

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I have resentment towards the Lord. I believe I have resentment towards people, but I think that

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what, but what's happened is we just believe God to a particular extent. So therefore we're like,

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okay, I've believed in the fact that God loves me to a particular extent. And we're just so excited

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about that particular extent because it's a lot more than we believed before, but God's like child.

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I am so much more than that. I am so much more love than that. I love you so much more than that.

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I am so much more freedom than that, et cetera. And so that, so what it is you're experiencing

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sounds like is that you're experiencing. That love from the Lord and really truly believing

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it. But the fact that you still have resentment and bitterness towards other people shows

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the extent to which you're still not believing that God loves you.

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And that's not to our condemnation or shame or anything, because all that God's just pointing

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out is, Hey, can you imagine your life could even be that much better than it already is.

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That, you know, you're in this resentment and this bitterness and this, and, uh, this,

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this enslavement or this bondage or this oppression, and it's not feeling good.

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You don't have to live like that. So in other words, it's always like, Hey child,

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it's even better than that. It's even better than that. And so it's always an invitation

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into more love and freedom, as opposed to condemnation for being here. Why on earth

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are you here? And you shouldn't be like that. You shouldn't feel that way. God's like,

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no, I'm pointing it out. So you can let it go and be more freedom. Wouldn't you like that? It's

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always, it's always an invitation to goodness, not a condemnation for being here because God

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shame us into repentance. He, and he, he, you know, it says that the kindness of God

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leads to our repentance. It's like, God's always, God's always drawing us,

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shoving us out of where it is that we are. He's always drawing us towards himself.

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So anyway, it's just, it's just more layers coming up. And some of it is probably the fact

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that you're probably feeling some things at a particular depth that you never had before. It's

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almost like you're realizing things you hadn't realized before. And it's because certain things

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have come off because you've dealt with them. So now this other stuff that was always there

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now become, you become aware of evidence. So now God's like, yeah, see now, see, you were

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in bondage to this degree and you didn't even know it. So now that you know it now you can let it go.

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So, but if we're, if we, if that doesn't come to the surface, then we can't let it go.

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And that's again, yet another point I wanted to make kind of like how I've talked about crying

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before how, when we cry, it's actually releasing things so that they can come.

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up and out and we need, or, and then also how in the last rest intensive, we ended up talking a

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lot about negative emotions. It's so important to fully feel our feelings because the feelings need

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to come up and out. If we're feeling them, it means they're there. So now what we don't want

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to do is we don't want to feed our feelings. We don't want the feelings to come up and it's like

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feed on him, all of these negative feelings of anger or stress or anxiety or resentment or

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bitterness, or I don't know, whatever else comes up. We don't want to feed it, but we have to

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allow ourselves to fully feel it in order to, and present it before the Lord, not hide. Because if

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we hide from the Lord, or if we hide from ourselves and not admit that that's what it is that we

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really feel, then it won't be dealt with. And all we do is we step it back down and keep it.

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And if we keep it, we continue to be enslaved to it. So you have to let those feelings fully come

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up and out before the Lord. So that sleep. So, because otherwise, if we feel something,

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it means it's always been there. It's not new. It's always been there. It's trying to come out.

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So we want to let it come out and then we'll get more freedom as opposed to feeling something and

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things angry, or I shouldn't be afraid, or I shouldn't be whatever. And then we try to cycle

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it down again, because we think I shouldn't be feeling that way. You're feeling there's nothing

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wrong with your feelings. Your feelings aren't simple. They're simply a thermometer telling you

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what it is you actually believe about something. So if you allow those feelings to come up, there's

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no, there's no sin and feeling those feelings. They're actually indicative of some belief you

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have about God or something that he said. In other words, something that you're not believing

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about him or whatever anyway. So you just let those things come up and out there. It's important

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again, to remember that we rule ourselves. We're not subject to or victim to our feelings.

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Our feelings are indicating something to us that we already believe. And we get to govern that

388
00:37:11.840 --> 00:37:16.880
we get to choose what we're going to do with those feelings. Not kind of like, oh my word,

389
00:37:17.120 --> 00:37:22.080
this thing came up and now I feel this way. And this is awful. And I just have to sit in this,

390
00:37:22.080 --> 00:37:26.880
that we're not, we're not a victim to it. It's simply letting us know something about ourselves,

391
00:37:26.880 --> 00:37:32.080
but we still need to remember, who does God say that we are? He says that we're Kings. Therefore,

392
00:37:32.080 --> 00:37:38.080
we're still, we still rule ourselves. We still govern. We're still in control anyway. So does

393
00:37:38.080 --> 00:37:46.640
that help? That's very helpful. I think it is resentment towards God. I don't think it actually

394
00:37:46.640 --> 00:37:54.400
is against people. Like you're saying, it's like a deeper layer. Yeah. Usually any issue that we're

395
00:37:54.400 --> 00:38:00.080
having always goes back to, well, let me rephrase every single issue that we have always goes back

396
00:38:00.080 --> 00:38:05.840
to God. Oh, this goes back to some issue. Yeah. Bummer. I thought I didn't have any resentment.

397
00:38:05.920 --> 00:38:18.320
I know, I know. But that's the wonderful thing because remember that it just is an indication

398
00:38:18.320 --> 00:38:24.320
that there's that much more of God to be had that you don't yet have. In other words, there's that

399
00:38:24.320 --> 00:38:30.320
much more to get to go into. And what you're being given by God is an invitation to go there. He's

400
00:38:30.320 --> 00:38:38.720
offering it as opposed to, oh, apparently there's more of God. And, you know, that's just, just not

401
00:38:38.720 --> 00:38:44.000
me. Not yet. I don't get to have it. It's out there. No, no, no. If it's being highlighted to

402
00:38:44.000 --> 00:38:51.360
you, it means it's God's invitation for you to have that new and deeper part of himself. So again,

403
00:38:51.360 --> 00:38:58.320
with everything, with the Lord struggles, trials, pain, everything is always an invitation into

404
00:38:58.320 --> 00:39:04.880
love and freedom. It's not shame or condemnation or punishment for doing something. It's always an

405
00:39:04.880 --> 00:39:10.880
invitation to more love and freedom. See, it's just totally changes our perspective on struggle

406
00:39:10.880 --> 00:39:17.840
on trials and tribulations. God's just highlighting you were in this bondage, whether or not you're

407
00:39:17.840 --> 00:39:22.880
feeling this bad. It's just that you're feeling this bag has it's come to the surface and I've

408
00:39:22.880 --> 00:39:28.560
done that so that you can let it go and be in freedom. So you can choose to just stop feeling

409
00:39:28.560 --> 00:39:33.920
that way anymore and step it down, but you're still in the, in the bondage. So you can choose

410
00:39:33.920 --> 00:39:37.600
now that you're feeling all this way, you can choose to let it go so that you're finally in

411
00:39:37.600 --> 00:39:42.400
freedom because you're still, because otherwise you're still in that bondage, whether or not you

412
00:39:42.400 --> 00:39:48.880
feel it. And God always wants us to experience and live in more freedom. We can't rule something

413
00:39:48.880 --> 00:39:58.240
that we aren't free in. Yeah. Anyway, that's helpful. And so is the resentment and bitterness.

414
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.760
and then you asked about something else.

415
00:40:02.760 --> 00:40:03.600
What was the other question?

416
00:40:03.600 --> 00:40:07.120
It was just like, I feel I struggle to get into rest,

417
00:40:07.120 --> 00:40:08.720
but it doesn't feel like the struggles

418
00:40:08.720 --> 00:40:10.000
I had three months ago.

419
00:40:11.120 --> 00:40:12.960
Yeah, and so what do you mean?

420
00:40:12.960 --> 00:40:14.520
What is it like now?

421
00:40:14.520 --> 00:40:18.480
Now, it's more like I don't,

422
00:40:22.040 --> 00:40:27.040
I think it's, I don't know,

423
00:40:27.800 --> 00:40:30.000
I don't know, it's kind of hard to explain.

424
00:40:31.160 --> 00:40:36.160
I think sometimes, I think it is a little bit doubt

425
00:40:38.480 --> 00:40:42.280
that sometimes that it's gonna work,

426
00:40:42.280 --> 00:40:46.980
or then it's hard to stop and actually do the exercises.

427
00:40:53.240 --> 00:40:56.240
I think it's, I hope that it's just gonna happen by itself

428
00:40:56.240 --> 00:40:57.640
and then it doesn't.

429
00:40:57.640 --> 00:41:01.560
Yeah, that's a great, very insightful way to answer that.

430
00:41:01.560 --> 00:41:05.640
No, honestly, and yet you're in the ground floor,

431
00:41:05.640 --> 00:41:07.960
so beware of this before you get there.

432
00:41:09.120 --> 00:41:10.480
So you don't get discouraged

433
00:41:10.480 --> 00:41:11.720
because of what's happened to Renata,

434
00:41:11.720 --> 00:41:12.920
she's gotten discouraged.

435
00:41:12.920 --> 00:41:15.200
So no need to get discouraged.

436
00:41:15.200 --> 00:41:16.680
This happens to me too,

437
00:41:16.680 --> 00:41:18.880
and this is why I tell people over and over and over again,

438
00:41:18.880 --> 00:41:20.640
and this is why I give people lifetime access

439
00:41:20.640 --> 00:41:21.680
to the teachings.

440
00:41:21.680 --> 00:41:26.680
It is the same application regardless of the depth,

441
00:41:26.760 --> 00:41:28.400
regardless of the depth of rest.

442
00:41:28.400 --> 00:41:31.360
So in other words, people, and I'm just gonna use,

443
00:41:31.360 --> 00:41:33.320
like Renata, for example,

444
00:41:33.320 --> 00:41:35.800
going through the rest intensive and the rest lifestyle

445
00:41:35.800 --> 00:41:36.800
and now another rest intensive.

446
00:41:36.800 --> 00:41:40.280
So every time it's like moving into rest at a deeper level,

447
00:41:40.280 --> 00:41:41.560
but you have to still now,

448
00:41:41.560 --> 00:41:43.920
and now you're at a deeper level,

449
00:41:43.920 --> 00:41:47.400
but now you're encountering new degrees

450
00:41:47.400 --> 00:41:49.600
and new thresholds to have to cross

451
00:41:49.600 --> 00:41:50.960
and kind of like different situations,

452
00:41:50.960 --> 00:41:52.040
and it hurts a little different

453
00:41:52.040 --> 00:41:53.320
and all of that kind of thing,

454
00:41:53.320 --> 00:41:55.360
but you still have to apply the same principles

455
00:41:55.360 --> 00:41:56.560
at this lower level.

456
00:41:56.560 --> 00:41:58.680
You still, and then, so she's going through it again

457
00:41:58.680 --> 00:42:01.720
so that she can apply the same principles now

458
00:42:01.720 --> 00:42:04.800
to new deeper levels that have been exposed.

459
00:42:04.800 --> 00:42:07.520
So the nice thing is that,

460
00:42:07.520 --> 00:42:09.960
again, back to my point that I made the other day

461
00:42:09.960 --> 00:42:11.600
on Saturday or Sunday,

462
00:42:11.600 --> 00:42:15.440
that in God, in the kingdom of God, everything is simple.

463
00:42:15.440 --> 00:42:19.280
It's just, it's the same answer to all the questions.

464
00:42:19.280 --> 00:42:22.720
And so it's just that we keep what we're used to

465
00:42:22.720 --> 00:42:26.000
having been taught by the kingdom of the world,

466
00:42:26.000 --> 00:42:28.440
that every little nuanced situation

467
00:42:28.440 --> 00:42:32.240
has a different special, unique answer just for it.

468
00:42:32.240 --> 00:42:37.240
Like every difficult question has a special, unique answer,

469
00:42:37.880 --> 00:42:41.200
meaning that the problems and the solutions

470
00:42:41.200 --> 00:42:44.080
to those problems are always very complex.

471
00:42:44.080 --> 00:42:46.720
So there's this huge, very complicated system

472
00:42:46.720 --> 00:42:48.760
that we all have to learn and memorize

473
00:42:49.240 --> 00:42:50.200
and whatever.

474
00:42:50.200 --> 00:42:52.360
And we expect the kingdom of God to work like that,

475
00:42:52.360 --> 00:42:53.200
and it doesn't.

476
00:42:53.200 --> 00:42:54.960
The kingdom of God is just like, nope,

477
00:42:54.960 --> 00:42:56.040
same answer every time.

478
00:42:56.040 --> 00:42:57.840
Do you, what have I said?

479
00:42:57.840 --> 00:43:00.960
And to like, who is God?

480
00:43:00.960 --> 00:43:02.400
And then what to,

481
00:43:03.360 --> 00:43:05.640
and then to what degree is he is that?

482
00:43:05.640 --> 00:43:06.480
Is he that?

483
00:43:06.480 --> 00:43:08.840
And then who did he say that we are?

484
00:43:08.840 --> 00:43:11.360
And then to what degree does he say that we're that?

485
00:43:11.360 --> 00:43:14.480
It's everything always comes back to,

486
00:43:14.480 --> 00:43:17.000
he loves us and we're united with him.

487
00:43:17.000 --> 00:43:19.800
And every answer honestly stems from that.

488
00:43:19.800 --> 00:43:22.320
We just keep making it more complicated

489
00:43:22.320 --> 00:43:26.840
because we've been taught to logically problem solve

490
00:43:26.840 --> 00:43:29.440
through complexity.

491
00:43:30.320 --> 00:43:32.360
And so it's a lot.

492
00:43:32.360 --> 00:43:34.640
Anyway, so if we just,

493
00:43:34.640 --> 00:43:37.120
if it frees us up a lot to realize,

494
00:43:37.120 --> 00:43:39.480
oh my goodness, the kingdom of God is very, very simple.

495
00:43:39.480 --> 00:43:41.320
You just apply the same principles

496
00:43:41.320 --> 00:43:44.120
to the variety of millions and billions

497
00:43:44.120 --> 00:43:46.200
of situations here on earth.

498
00:43:46.200 --> 00:43:49.600
And you have very simple solutions to all of them

499
00:43:49.600 --> 00:43:52.200
because the solutions are that powerful.

500
00:43:52.200 --> 00:43:55.320
They're powerful to cover not only the plethora

501
00:43:55.320 --> 00:44:00.160
of circumstances, but the variety of degrees.

502
00:44:00.160 --> 00:44:01.760
Some of them are very easy

503
00:44:01.760 --> 00:44:04.360
and then some of them are extremely difficult

504
00:44:04.360 --> 00:44:08.280
and painful, gut-wrenching and soul-dividing or whatever,

505
00:44:08.280 --> 00:44:09.360
however you would have phrased that.

506
00:44:09.360 --> 00:44:10.800
I don't mean like literal soul-dividing,

507
00:44:10.800 --> 00:44:14.800
but just challenging, just heart-rending.

508
00:44:14.800 --> 00:44:17.640
But those solutions from the principles

509
00:44:17.640 --> 00:44:20.040
of the kingdom of God apply in all of them.

510
00:44:20.040 --> 00:44:24.240
So anyway, that's my point in to address

511
00:44:24.240 --> 00:44:27.080
what it is you were talking about, about the rest,

512
00:44:29.680 --> 00:44:33.240
about how to shift into like in rest

513
00:44:33.240 --> 00:44:35.880
and that this time it seems like different or harder.

514
00:44:35.880 --> 00:44:39.440
We can think that, okay, well now I've got this thing down.

515
00:44:39.440 --> 00:44:40.920
That was foundational.

516
00:44:40.920 --> 00:44:44.000
Now I need something different in order to keep going.

517
00:44:44.040 --> 00:44:47.720
And what's hard is sometimes is we find it challenging

518
00:44:47.720 --> 00:44:49.480
to apply the same simple principles

519
00:44:49.480 --> 00:44:50.880
to these deeper things too.

520
00:44:50.880 --> 00:44:51.800
Why?

521
00:44:51.800 --> 00:44:55.560
Because facing these things is just as hard

522
00:44:55.560 --> 00:44:57.200
as facing these were.

523
00:44:57.200 --> 00:45:00.200
And we keep thinking, oh, well, this was the hard.

524
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:08.240
part. So I just expect it to be easier now. Speaking it is, and here's what, here's the

525
00:45:08.240 --> 00:45:13.040
element in which it's, it's easier. The longer that you have this history with the Lord, where

526
00:45:13.040 --> 00:45:19.520
you continue to step out in faith and he continues to be faithful, the easier it is to step out in

527
00:45:19.520 --> 00:45:26.080
faith. Because you, because you're more and more sure that every single time you step out into the

528
00:45:26.080 --> 00:45:32.000
unknown, he's always going to, you're always going to be, God is always going to reveal an

529
00:45:32.000 --> 00:45:38.320
aspect of himself. He's always going to be there, but no matter how old we get, we always have to

530
00:45:38.320 --> 00:45:44.160
still step out into the unknown. It's never eventually known. It's still always unknown.

531
00:45:45.280 --> 00:45:51.280
But so that part is always just as hard. The letting go of the, of the other thing is always

532
00:45:51.280 --> 00:45:58.960
just as hard. The thing that's easy, it becomes easier is it becomes easier in a manner of

533
00:45:58.960 --> 00:46:05.680
speaking to let this go, because you counter it with this. I know for sure that if I step out in

534
00:46:05.680 --> 00:46:11.200
faith in this new area with the Lord, that he is going to be faithful as he always was in all these

535
00:46:11.200 --> 00:46:16.720
other times. So it's easier to have faith, but you still have to let the thing go. And that's what we

536
00:46:16.720 --> 00:46:23.440
find so hard. We don't want to let this go so that we always have to do. And that's always hard,

537
00:46:24.240 --> 00:46:31.920
but the faith part becomes easier because we built history with God or he's built history with us.

538
00:46:31.920 --> 00:46:36.320
He was always there when we stepped out and before we're like, I really don't know if he's going to

539
00:46:36.320 --> 00:46:40.160
be there. And the longer that we do it and the more that we do it, and the more we find he's

540
00:46:40.160 --> 00:46:45.520
always there, the easier it is to continue to, as time goes on to step out into the unknown and to

541
00:46:45.520 --> 00:46:55.440
risk. So that's how it's a, it's a, it's, it's both. It's always just as hard and painful to, to die, to let

542
00:46:55.440 --> 00:47:01.680
that thing go, but it does become easier to trust him as we develop, as God develops a track record

543
00:47:01.680 --> 00:47:11.280
with us of always coming through. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, so Annette, that's you.

544
00:47:11.680 --> 00:47:17.840
Oh, wow. Um, I I'll have to go back and like, I haven't seen all of the videos yet, so I'm going

545
00:47:17.840 --> 00:47:22.160
to do that from now until like next time, but then I just go on the platform and just,

546
00:47:22.160 --> 00:47:28.080
do I click on the Zoom on the same way or no? No, the Zoom is gone. You just, I've replaced

547
00:47:28.080 --> 00:47:33.840
them all with the actual videos. Oh, okay. Videos that, not the recording of us all together,

548
00:47:33.840 --> 00:47:37.920
but the actual recording of the teachings. Yeah. Those are all on there.

549
00:47:38.080 --> 00:47:43.040
And below it, I've, I put all of the things because Karen asked for me to include the chat.

550
00:47:43.040 --> 00:47:49.280
I did include my chat and notes in there underneath each video. Yeah.

551
00:47:49.840 --> 00:47:54.240
Thanks. So generous of you though, to give us like an access.

552
00:47:55.200 --> 00:47:58.240
You're welcome. I hope it's, I hope it's useful to everyone.

553
00:47:58.240 --> 00:48:03.120
Oh yeah, for sure. I think, I mean, there's just so many things to unpack.

554
00:48:03.120 --> 00:48:08.880
Oh yeah, for sure. I think, I mean, there's just so many things to unpack and there's so many things

555
00:48:08.880 --> 00:48:14.560
that I have to, I think part of me is just thinking, wow, I have a really far, like I'm,

556
00:48:15.520 --> 00:48:22.400
I have a long way to go. Uh, it's what, like to, to understand, but I think some of the things I'm

557
00:48:22.400 --> 00:48:28.640
sitting with right now is, so what I mean with that is, um, I don't know if, um, I, I mentioned

558
00:48:28.640 --> 00:48:35.840
in one of like the, the chats, I think, um, on the rest, um, intensive, but one of my friends

559
00:48:35.840 --> 00:48:42.000
in the States just, um, she was supposed to have a baby shower. Uh, we're all supposed to be there

560
00:48:42.000 --> 00:48:46.400
this week, like this weekend. And then they canceled it and they couldn't find a heartbeat.

561
00:48:46.400 --> 00:48:50.960
And she actually, yeah, she gave birth and it was stillborn and they were like praying

562
00:48:50.960 --> 00:48:56.080
resurrection life over him and everything for like over a day. It was like, um, but,

563
00:48:56.080 --> 00:49:00.720
but then I see like the level of faith, like, I, I just like what you've been teaching and they're

564
00:49:00.720 --> 00:49:05.440
just like, oh, but God is still good. Like in all of it. And I was like, man, like, I'm like,

565
00:49:05.440 --> 00:49:11.120
you're such a true daughter. Like, I, I don't know how you do that, you know? So in it's in

566
00:49:11.120 --> 00:49:19.600
that context, I'm like, I'm so far away from like being there. Um, and, um, so, so I'd love to like,

567
00:49:19.600 --> 00:49:26.320
yeah. Um, but, but I think like once you're like really at rest and understand who you are and

568
00:49:26.320 --> 00:49:32.400
everything, it's, it's like, it's, there's something that I don't, um, yeah, that I have

569
00:49:32.400 --> 00:49:38.240
still to understand. Cause I think like Renata knows with me as well is that I feel like, um,

570
00:49:40.080 --> 00:49:48.080
I'm, how do I say that? Well, I, I think I've narrowed it down to feeling like I,

571
00:49:48.080 --> 00:49:54.880
I feel like God is withholding from me. Um, and so I need to understand like, how, how do I like

572
00:49:54.880 --> 00:49:59.920
really let that go? And then at the same time, as you let things go, like, how do you

573
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.160
you let things go at the same time as you can hold like prophetic words or promises

574
00:50:05.160 --> 00:50:11.480
or, you know, cause I feel like that's kind of like my, I, I loved how you said, oh, it's

575
00:50:11.480 --> 00:50:17.520
not our destiny to like, um, have a business or get married or, you know, like all of these

576
00:50:17.520 --> 00:50:18.520
things.

577
00:50:18.520 --> 00:50:21.280
Cause obviously those are definitely things that I want, you know?

578
00:50:21.280 --> 00:50:32.280
And then I think in that, um, kind of, um, super short, like testimony, I've like, we're

579
00:50:32.280 --> 00:50:33.280
doing it.

580
00:50:33.280 --> 00:50:35.480
I've been like friends for many, many years.

581
00:50:35.480 --> 00:50:41.520
And she prayed for me, she prayed for me for like 17 years.

582
00:50:41.520 --> 00:50:47.720
Um, and, um, I feel like I, it looked like from the outside, I had it all together a

583
00:50:47.720 --> 00:50:51.360
great job, you know, and I was engaged to be married, all of these things.

584
00:50:51.360 --> 00:50:52.440
And then everything crumbled.

585
00:50:52.440 --> 00:50:58.320
I called off the wedding, um, my thing to God before that, because I was, I was always

586
00:50:58.320 --> 00:50:59.320
speaking to God.

587
00:50:59.320 --> 00:51:02.720
But I remember I was at that time I was smoking, I was standing outside and I was smoking and

588
00:51:02.720 --> 00:51:06.880
I was thinking, or I was saying, God, if this doesn't work out, I'll become a Christian,

589
00:51:06.880 --> 00:51:07.880
I swear.

590
00:51:07.880 --> 00:51:10.520
And, um, it doesn't work out.

591
00:51:10.520 --> 00:51:16.440
So I'm like, well, I guess, you know, and, and then it's just like, it was like this

592
00:51:16.440 --> 00:51:21.040
whole new world opened up because I remember another time I'd been thinking like, oh, well,

593
00:51:21.040 --> 00:51:24.240
if I want to be a leader, I probably have to be a Christian or something.

594
00:51:24.240 --> 00:51:29.680
And then when I was like, oh my gosh, there's this whole world I didn't even know existed.

595
00:51:29.680 --> 00:51:34.760
What is going on, you know, in this crazy world, um, of people.

596
00:51:34.760 --> 00:51:40.240
And then, and then it's been like a crazy journey of like, I've, I've gotten to meet

597
00:51:40.240 --> 00:51:42.040
a lot of people like that.

598
00:51:42.040 --> 00:51:44.840
I shouldn't like Renata knows this too, like people I shouldn't meet.

599
00:51:44.840 --> 00:51:49.160
So I know, so it's so strange to me that I feel like God is withholding because other

600
00:51:49.160 --> 00:51:54.120
people would probably be like, but oh my gosh, you're like friends with Heidi's daughter

601
00:51:54.120 --> 00:51:58.560
and you've been to Mozambique and been like filming her and like all of these things.

602
00:51:58.560 --> 00:52:02.800
And you end up in like the staff meeting at Bethel and like sit and pray with Bill and

603
00:52:02.800 --> 00:52:07.800
them and, and you like meet these, um, all of a sudden you're stumbling into like this

604
00:52:07.800 --> 00:52:12.040
whole thing and like Hollywood and you're meeting all these directors and it's like,

605
00:52:12.040 --> 00:52:13.040
it's like crazy.

606
00:52:13.040 --> 00:52:17.320
But to me, I'm just like, yeah, but I'm still here not doing anything.

607
00:52:17.320 --> 00:52:20.160
You know, like I have no idea, like why am I meeting these people?

608
00:52:20.160 --> 00:52:21.160
Like what am I doing?

609
00:52:21.160 --> 00:52:22.160
You know?

610
00:52:22.160 --> 00:52:26.640
And it's like, and I gave it all up and I did all this and I'm still not married and

611
00:52:26.640 --> 00:52:29.520
I'm still like not happy with what I'm doing for, you know?

612
00:52:29.520 --> 00:52:34.160
So I'm generally just like discontent, you know?

613
00:52:34.160 --> 00:52:38.200
And then I beat myself up about it cause I get really super frustrated cause I should

614
00:52:38.200 --> 00:52:43.960
be thankful for what, you know, and, and, and I mean, and, and God has really been faithful

615
00:52:43.960 --> 00:52:49.160
and, and I'm like, and given me like peace that passes all understanding.

616
00:52:49.160 --> 00:52:54.200
And it's like, I've had some crazy things happen in my life, you know, like, and, and

617
00:52:54.200 --> 00:52:59.240
now I just lost my dad like last, like this, um, like a little over half a year ago.

618
00:52:59.240 --> 00:53:05.040
And um, so, so it's, I mean, he's really been there in like all of these things, but it's

619
00:53:05.040 --> 00:53:07.240
like all this drama attached to it.

620
00:53:07.280 --> 00:53:11.520
And so I think where I am now is like, oh, why am I there?

621
00:53:11.520 --> 00:53:15.080
And how, like, why do I feel like he's withholding?

622
00:53:15.080 --> 00:53:18.240
Um, and then, okay.

623
00:53:18.240 --> 00:53:21.800
And then honestly, part of me is like, oh, then I just want to be able to release it

624
00:53:21.800 --> 00:53:22.800
cause then I can have it all.

625
00:53:22.800 --> 00:53:29.720
And then I'm like, well, and then if I don't get it, you know, cause then it's been like

626
00:53:29.720 --> 00:53:35.600
that kind of like disappointment cause I think I've put a, I've thought it was going

627
00:53:35.600 --> 00:53:40.000
to look at some way just because of prophetic words or whatever, you know what I mean?

628
00:53:40.000 --> 00:53:45.200
Or like how God speaks, obviously I know he like builds character and he does all of these

629
00:53:45.200 --> 00:53:46.200
things.

630
00:53:46.200 --> 00:53:52.120
And, and even now it's like, I feel like the way he talks to me, he can't speak clearly

631
00:53:52.120 --> 00:53:53.640
cause I would just run.

632
00:53:53.640 --> 00:53:56.160
So he'll like give me a sense of something.

633
00:53:56.160 --> 00:54:01.600
So I'm like, ah, I feel like, so now I just changed jobs, you know, in the middle of like

634
00:54:01.600 --> 00:54:04.920
this grieving process, which probably wasn't the smartest thing to do.

635
00:54:05.240 --> 00:54:11.040
But I have full piece, even though I'm freaking out, cause I'm like, can't really don't understand

636
00:54:11.040 --> 00:54:15.320
how to do this job or why I'm even there.

637
00:54:15.320 --> 00:54:18.960
But I feel like it's, it's a step towards something else.

638
00:54:18.960 --> 00:54:25.800
And so I'm here like trying to, how do I just like let it go, be at rest and just like float

639
00:54:25.800 --> 00:54:28.720
along on, you know what I mean?

640
00:54:28.720 --> 00:54:33.280
And so how do I, I don't know if this makes sense, but I think at the core, I'm like,

641
00:54:33.280 --> 00:54:37.880
I would love to just be like, God, I trust you with everything.

642
00:54:37.880 --> 00:54:41.640
And like what you say, like with the authority and, and part of me does.

643
00:54:41.640 --> 00:54:45.240
And then part of me, I think it's just like wishful thinking, or I feel like it's been

644
00:54:45.240 --> 00:54:47.120
like wishful thing thinking.

645
00:54:47.120 --> 00:54:49.880
And I'm like, why hasn't more things happened?

646
00:54:49.880 --> 00:54:52.360
Or why am I looking at things the wrong way?

647
00:54:52.360 --> 00:54:58.480
Or so, yeah, I guess, how do you let it go and live in rest and then hold on to promises

648
00:54:58.480 --> 00:54:59.960
at the same time?

649
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.080
out, giving it up to get those promises. If that makes sense.

650
00:55:04.640 --> 00:55:10.720
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. So many things I was thinking of so many things. I wish I had a

651
00:55:10.720 --> 00:55:17.360
notepad. I could just like, Oh, you know, so, you know, but I, what I do is I just kind of leave

652
00:55:17.360 --> 00:55:20.720
these things to Lord of like, okay, Lord, just bring to my remembrance. Anything that needs to

653
00:55:20.720 --> 00:55:32.960
be. One thing is, please note that you are very entrusted by God. That's why, you know,

654
00:55:32.960 --> 00:55:39.920
all those people, not any, not just anyone is allowed by God to have access to those people,

655
00:55:39.920 --> 00:55:45.040
because when you're with those people, you bring in a particular aspect of his presence,

656
00:55:45.040 --> 00:55:52.720
particular aspect of his spirit, and you are around theirs. And so that's a trust issue,

657
00:55:52.720 --> 00:55:58.320
you know, with you and the Lord, meaning like a good thing, a good trust. So there's that you're,

658
00:55:58.320 --> 00:56:04.720
you're entrusted by him with them, you know, because he, he does just like he loves and

659
00:56:04.720 --> 00:56:10.160
honors you, you know, he loves and honors them as well. And so he's allowing you all of that.

660
00:56:10.640 --> 00:56:16.640
And the, the other thing is that, you know, you're saying, well, you know, I know I should,

661
00:56:19.040 --> 00:56:21.600
I don't remember the word you use, but basically, you know, that I should be,

662
00:56:22.560 --> 00:56:27.680
I should be grateful. I shouldn't feel like God is withholding something from me. And yet I still

663
00:56:27.680 --> 00:56:37.040
do. And that's because we intrinsically don't believe that God really, that we really are

664
00:56:37.040 --> 00:56:47.280
something of value, that we really are something that God loves that he treasures that he something

665
00:56:47.280 --> 00:56:55.840
that's very important that he cherishes, like I said, that he loves, etc. And, and therefore,

666
00:56:55.840 --> 00:57:01.760
we're always feeling really bad about ourselves. And so therefore, that's why we have this feeling

667
00:57:01.760 --> 00:57:07.760
that God is always withholding something from us is this sense of like, I should be grateful for

668
00:57:07.760 --> 00:57:15.120
what I have, but same time, I feel like, God, why aren't you giving me all of these other things?

669
00:57:15.760 --> 00:57:21.440
You must not love me. Or, you know, if you love me Lord, because of course you're not a liar and

670
00:57:21.440 --> 00:57:25.600
you say that you love me and you're always good and you always do the right thing. It must therefore

671
00:57:25.600 --> 00:57:32.480
be me. Hence, you know, I'm not good enough. So God's just loving me because while he just has to,

672
00:57:33.200 --> 00:57:38.160
or, you know, he just made himself or he's trying not to look at me and just like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

673
00:57:38.160 --> 00:57:41.920
That one. Yeah. I'll give her a lot. I'll give her a lot of love or whatever, but I don't want to have

674
00:57:41.920 --> 00:57:46.720
to look with, look at her, deal with her, you know, interact with her or whatever. And so that is where

675
00:57:46.720 --> 00:57:54.480
this feeling comes of like, God's God's actually not good, or he's not good to me. That feeling

676
00:57:54.480 --> 00:58:00.400
of withholding. I want something, God, why won't you love me? Because that's what all of those

677
00:58:00.400 --> 00:58:05.440
things mean to us. If I'm married or if I may get to be a singer, if I get to be an actor, if I get,

678
00:58:05.440 --> 00:58:10.000
I'm going to make and step up, or if I get to travel or if I get to whatever, if I get to do

679
00:58:10.000 --> 00:58:14.640
these things that I really want to do, or get to have these things I really want to have that shows

680
00:58:14.640 --> 00:58:19.840
God's favor. And so, since I don't have those things that apparently does it. So this is our

681
00:58:19.840 --> 00:58:25.280
formula, you know, in our mind. So, um, and I had the same thing as you heard from my testimony that

682
00:58:25.280 --> 00:58:31.920
I, the way that I came crashing down was, uh, I had this list of things that I wanted and God was

683
00:58:31.920 --> 00:58:37.360
withholding them is what I thought. Uh, I wanted to get married when I have children, wanted to

684
00:58:37.360 --> 00:58:43.360
have a house when I have minivan went into go, wanted to do all the things that I watched other

685
00:58:43.360 --> 00:58:50.480
churchy women do in the, in the, in the Southern culture that I grew up in while they had potlucks

686
00:58:50.480 --> 00:58:55.280
and they did this and they had, you know, small group night and they had this and they interacted

687
00:58:55.280 --> 00:58:58.560
with each other like this. And there was predictability and there was safety and everybody's

688
00:58:58.560 --> 00:59:02.160
nice. And there's these rules of society. And if you learn the rules, well, then you all just kind

689
00:59:02.160 --> 00:59:06.480
of like flow along and, and then you get to be a housewife and then you're getting, you're

690
00:59:06.480 --> 00:59:11.280
recognized by, you know, by being a housewife. And then during mother's day, you get to, you know,

691
00:59:11.280 --> 00:59:15.600
your kids like make stuff for you during Sunday school. I mean, stuff that other people just kind

692
00:59:15.600 --> 00:59:22.000
of live. I dreamed about, and I would hold all of these things before the Lord. And since I wasn't

693
00:59:22.000 --> 00:59:27.280
seeing any of them come to pass, except in everybody else's life, but mine, then it must be,

694
00:59:27.280 --> 00:59:33.760
I'm the problem. And so I felt God was withholding me from me. And so it's kind of like, which comes

695
00:59:33.760 --> 00:59:39.040
first, the chicken or the egg, but I feel that he's withholding from me because, because he doesn't

696
00:59:39.040 --> 00:59:43.680
love me, you know, but then also, well, it's because he doesn't love me, but he's withholding,

697
00:59:43.680 --> 00:59:50.320
you know, it's like, you know, I'm not really sure which belief I had first, but, but anyway,

698
00:59:50.320 --> 00:59:54.320
so I, I definitely, you know, can definitely understand, definitely can relate in my own

699
00:59:54.320 --> 00:59:59.200
unique way, my relationship with the Lord, but that's why we can feel that, you know,

700
00:59:59.200 --> 01:00:00.000
that kind of withholding.

701
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.640
holding. So my point is that if we do what, you know, we're not,

702
01:00:04.640 --> 01:00:06.840
it was talking about at the beginning, she said, I didn't,

703
01:00:07.400 --> 01:00:10.920
I didn't know it could be this easy. I didn't know. All I had

704
01:00:10.920 --> 01:00:14.160
to do was choose. I thought I had to try. I thought I had to

705
01:00:14.160 --> 01:00:17.560
change. I thought I had to be the one to do something. And all

706
01:00:17.560 --> 01:00:21.840
I had to do was just to allow it to be. So in other words, to

707
01:00:21.840 --> 01:00:27.560
intentionally, intentionally allow and risk, you know, you

708
01:00:27.560 --> 01:00:31.680
know, emotionally risk myself on something God said that it

709
01:00:31.680 --> 01:00:34.920
actually that I chose that it's reality, then it finally became

710
01:00:34.920 --> 01:00:37.720
reality. She said, then she finally felt God love her. And

711
01:00:37.720 --> 01:00:40.960
that's how it happens. So we finally experienced the things

712
01:00:40.960 --> 01:00:44.600
after we choose that this is who God says that he is, we finally

713
01:00:44.600 --> 01:00:48.040
get to experience him as that he says that he loves me, so I'm

714
01:00:48.040 --> 01:00:51.000
going to choose it, then we finally get to experience God's

715
01:00:51.000 --> 01:00:54.160
love, not just feel it. But like, you'll start seeing it

716
01:00:54.560 --> 01:00:58.200
everywhere, or I choose that God is good. And then finally, you

717
01:00:58.200 --> 01:01:01.160
start seeing his goodness everywhere, including in the

718
01:01:01.160 --> 01:01:05.000
things that you used to not call those things, God's goodness

719
01:01:05.000 --> 01:01:10.400
used to call those things, him withholding, or, you know, or, I

720
01:01:10.400 --> 01:01:13.880
don't know, punishment, sometimes or whatever, we

721
01:01:13.880 --> 01:01:18.400
suddenly start seeing actually who God really is, who it is

722
01:01:18.400 --> 01:01:21.520
that we've chosen that he says that he is, we start seeing it

723
01:01:21.520 --> 01:01:25.400
actually manifest. So anyway, that's how we can actually deal

724
01:01:25.400 --> 01:01:28.920
with it at a root level. And then you were talking about,

725
01:01:31.320 --> 01:01:37.240
about like, just about how to how to let those things go. And

726
01:01:37.280 --> 01:01:40.920
that it's, like I said, the answer is really always the same

727
01:01:40.920 --> 01:01:44.080
answer. So he's that we choose that God is who he says that he

728
01:01:44.080 --> 01:01:47.560
is to the degree he says he's that. So if he says he's love,

729
01:01:48.320 --> 01:01:50.760
then we can say, Oh, yeah, yeah, I believe he's love. Yeah. But

730
01:01:50.760 --> 01:01:54.280
if we believe he's love, and God says, No, I'm love, we need

731
01:01:54.280 --> 01:01:57.080
to believe him to the degree he says that. We also need to

732
01:01:57.080 --> 01:02:00.040
believe that what he says about us is true. And it's wild, if

733
01:02:00.040 --> 01:02:03.000
we get back to those basic things, and we choose those

734
01:02:03.000 --> 01:02:05.560
things about him, you choose that what he says is true,

735
01:02:05.560 --> 01:02:10.080
really is true, we get to experience it. So anyway, I'm

736
01:02:10.080 --> 01:02:13.040
touching on multiple things as they come to mind. But the last

737
01:02:13.040 --> 01:02:18.040
thing is, and it's the probably most important point to make is

738
01:02:18.080 --> 01:02:22.280
that you were talking about, what do we do about like

739
01:02:22.280 --> 01:02:25.680
promises, you know, promises that he's made prophecies that

740
01:02:25.680 --> 01:02:28.680
he's, that people have spoken over us that people felt, you

741
01:02:28.680 --> 01:02:31.600
know, that they heard from him, and, and, you know, probably

742
01:02:31.600 --> 01:02:33.680
really did hear from him, you know, I'm not disregarding him

743
01:02:33.680 --> 01:02:36.040
at all. But point is, it's like, you know, there's these things

744
01:02:36.040 --> 01:02:42.360
that he said. And, and, but what God showed me, because I had the

745
01:02:42.360 --> 01:02:47.360
same thing, I had things that a promise that God had made to me,

746
01:02:48.320 --> 01:02:52.960
that at least, you know, that I believe that he had, and he, and

747
01:02:53.000 --> 01:02:58.680
but it wasn't being fulfilled. And it's one of those things

748
01:02:58.680 --> 01:03:03.400
where in order, the promise was that it would be fulfilled

749
01:03:03.400 --> 01:03:05.800
during my lifetime, and it wasn't happening. And that's

750
01:03:05.800 --> 01:03:09.160
what was so weird. So it's not like, what God promised Abraham

751
01:03:09.160 --> 01:03:11.560
or whatever, oh, I will make a view of many nations, whatever.

752
01:03:11.560 --> 01:03:14.880
And it says, you know, in the Hall of Fame, or sorry, Hall of

753
01:03:14.880 --> 01:03:18.480
Faith, it mentions, you know, in Hebrews 11, that all these

754
01:03:18.480 --> 01:03:21.120
people had all this faith, and at the end, they never got to

755
01:03:21.120 --> 01:03:25.240
see the fulfillment of the promises. And we're always like,

756
01:03:25.240 --> 01:03:28.080
Lord, you know, I really do want to be someone special who

757
01:03:28.080 --> 01:03:32.240
believes you, but I really would like to experience the promises

758
01:03:32.240 --> 01:03:34.200
in my lifetime. Anyway,

759
01:03:35.040 --> 01:03:35.960
the land of the living.

760
01:03:36.000 --> 01:03:40.320
Yeah, I know. So I told him, I was like, Lord, you know, what

761
01:03:40.320 --> 01:03:43.600
do I do with this promise? You know, because I knew that I was

762
01:03:43.600 --> 01:03:47.040
hurting so bad, because this promise wasn't being fulfilled.

763
01:03:47.640 --> 01:03:50.520
And I'm telling you what, I was hurting so bad, I'd had

764
01:03:50.520 --> 01:03:56.000
something, some things happen, and my heart was hurt so much.

765
01:03:56.320 --> 01:03:59.240
And I didn't know what to do with all the hurt. And I thought,

766
01:03:59.240 --> 01:04:03.480
yeah, you do, Ashley, you're, you need to let it go, you need

767
01:04:03.480 --> 01:04:07.080
to be the all of this pain is indicative of certain things

768
01:04:07.080 --> 01:04:10.360
that you're believing or not believing about God. And you've

769
01:04:10.360 --> 01:04:14.640
got to let all of that animosity between you and God or

770
01:04:14.640 --> 01:04:18.720
that, that doubt and that fear and that all of that you've got

771
01:04:18.720 --> 01:04:24.800
to let that go. And I am so so I started letting everything go

772
01:04:24.800 --> 01:04:28.240
and and I just lay down and so I could just concentrate between

773
01:04:28.240 --> 01:04:31.760
me and the Lord no distractions. And then I asked the whole and

774
01:04:31.760 --> 01:04:35.200
then the Lord just guided me by spirit about what to let go

775
01:04:35.480 --> 01:04:38.120
about how I was feeling about different things, you know, so I

776
01:04:38.120 --> 01:04:41.960
had this situation, you know, and then God was just walking me

777
01:04:41.960 --> 01:04:45.640
through it. And it wasn't like a thing that happened. It's just

778
01:04:45.640 --> 01:04:48.120
like this whole encompassing thing that lasted like two years

779
01:04:48.120 --> 01:04:51.560
or something. And so God was having me like, let different

780
01:04:51.560 --> 01:04:54.040
things go that came to mind, and he would bring him something

781
01:04:54.040 --> 01:04:58.000
else to mind. And I saw I'd let that go. I couldn't. And by this

782
01:04:58.000 --> 01:04:59.880
time, I knew how to let something go.

783
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.640
I knew the difference between saying, between wanting to let something go and actually truly

784
01:05:06.640 --> 01:05:08.160
letting the thing go.

785
01:05:08.160 --> 01:05:10.720
Like I could no longer hold on to it anymore.

786
01:05:10.720 --> 01:05:14.840
I can no longer pick it up because I put it on the altar and now it's dead.

787
01:05:14.840 --> 01:05:15.840
Kind of a thing.

788
01:05:15.840 --> 01:05:17.400
There's no, there's no resurrecting.

789
01:05:17.400 --> 01:05:19.000
Only God can resurrect it at this point.

790
01:05:19.000 --> 01:05:21.080
You know, there's no taking it back and taking it home.

791
01:05:21.080 --> 01:05:23.280
I've let it go to that extent.

792
01:05:23.280 --> 01:05:27.640
So anyway, so I did all of that until I get to a particular point where I said, wait just

793
01:05:27.640 --> 01:05:28.720
a second, God.

794
01:05:28.720 --> 01:05:36.200
We've gotten down to everything except the fact that you said, you gave me this promise.

795
01:05:36.200 --> 01:05:38.440
You promised this.

796
01:05:38.440 --> 01:05:44.000
So I'm assuming Lord that that, that the promise I'm not supposed to let go of.

797
01:05:44.000 --> 01:05:46.000
And he said, no, that's not true.

798
01:05:46.000 --> 01:05:49.000
I was like, that doesn't make any sense, Lord.

799
01:05:49.000 --> 01:05:54.760
I thought you said that the promise needs to be held on to and he said, no, actually

800
01:05:54.760 --> 01:06:02.960
I, the maker of the promise, the one whose character expressed itself and verbalized

801
01:06:02.960 --> 01:06:05.720
itself as a promise.

802
01:06:05.720 --> 01:06:07.640
That is who you hold on to.

803
01:06:07.640 --> 01:06:09.600
You don't have faith in the promise.

804
01:06:09.600 --> 01:06:14.760
You have faith in the one that made the promise, let the promise go.

805
01:06:14.760 --> 01:06:21.240
It was like, that doesn't make any sense, but I'm like, I risked it and it was hard

806
01:06:21.240 --> 01:06:24.280
because I was a heart desire of mine.

807
01:06:24.280 --> 01:06:25.760
And I actually let the promise go.

808
01:06:25.760 --> 01:06:30.720
I'd been holding onto that promise for two years and I let it go.

809
01:06:30.720 --> 01:06:34.120
And there was a tremendous amount of freedom in there.

810
01:06:34.120 --> 01:06:38.440
And I'm telling you what God began to move in that area of my life.

811
01:06:38.440 --> 01:06:44.320
Once I let that thing go and the thing that God, and that it's hard to describe it.

812
01:06:44.320 --> 01:06:50.840
That thing that he promised isn't at least in the way that I understood the promise is

813
01:06:50.840 --> 01:06:53.400
not what happened.

814
01:06:53.400 --> 01:07:01.720
So and, and, but what I did it, but that aspect in that area of my, in that area of my life,

815
01:07:01.720 --> 01:07:06.160
things finally began to move because I finally let that thing go.

816
01:07:06.160 --> 01:07:08.240
And so what I did is I just hold onto the Lord.

817
01:07:08.240 --> 01:07:12.480
I'm like, Lord, so basically it's got, think of it kind of like this promises, prophecies

818
01:07:12.480 --> 01:07:17.440
or whatever God is saying, child, I'm trying to communicate something to you.

819
01:07:17.440 --> 01:07:20.440
And, and so I speak Greek and you speak English.

820
01:07:21.040 --> 01:07:22.680
Or let's think of it like this.

821
01:07:22.680 --> 01:07:27.120
Think of it as if we're a child and I'm not trying to make us feel immature in this conversation.

822
01:07:27.120 --> 01:07:32.320
It's just that this'll help us give it, have a, make a good picture of it.

823
01:07:32.320 --> 01:07:38.120
So say for instance, that, that you want to reward a child and you want to let them know

824
01:07:38.120 --> 01:07:39.760
how much you love them.

825
01:07:39.760 --> 01:07:46.600
Well, you're not going to get them a like, say if they're, if they're five, you know,

826
01:07:47.160 --> 01:07:55.440
you're not going to give them, I don't know, a Porsche, a Porsche, you're not going to

827
01:07:55.440 --> 01:07:59.960
give them a Porsche or anything because they can't.

828
01:07:59.960 --> 01:08:04.120
And I was trying to think of some other example, even besides this, because they can't value

829
01:08:04.120 --> 01:08:05.120
it.

830
01:08:05.120 --> 01:08:08.520
They they're, they're like, well, I don't care.

831
01:08:08.520 --> 01:08:13.640
Say for instance, if there are three and you give them a car, they don't, they don't understand

832
01:08:13.640 --> 01:08:14.640
it.

833
01:08:14.640 --> 01:08:16.319
They can't, they can't do anything with that.

834
01:08:17.040 --> 01:08:20.479
But if you give them ice cream, now that they got, they're like, oh my word, this is so

835
01:08:20.479 --> 01:08:21.479
cool.

836
01:08:21.479 --> 01:08:22.479
Daddy loves me.

837
01:08:22.479 --> 01:08:23.479
You know?

838
01:08:23.479 --> 01:08:25.200
So basically it's like speaking their language.

839
01:08:25.200 --> 01:08:28.760
It's giving them something in their value system.

840
01:08:28.760 --> 01:08:30.319
And so that's what the Lord does with us.

841
01:08:30.319 --> 01:08:32.600
He's like, child, I know what's important to you.

842
01:08:32.600 --> 01:08:38.680
I am trying to communicate something of myself and how I think about you, how I feel about

843
01:08:38.680 --> 01:08:39.680
you.

844
01:08:39.680 --> 01:08:41.720
So let me give you this.

845
01:08:41.720 --> 01:08:47.800
But the thing is that God said, the whole point is to communicate something about myself

846
01:08:47.800 --> 01:08:48.800
to you.

847
01:08:48.800 --> 01:08:50.840
And I'm using this as a form of communication.

848
01:08:50.840 --> 01:08:54.439
So don't grab ahold of the communication is that that was the important thing.

849
01:08:54.439 --> 01:08:58.640
The whole point of this was to express something about who I am.

850
01:08:58.640 --> 01:09:00.200
So you'd finally get it.

851
01:09:00.200 --> 01:09:03.800
Because if I gave you a Porsche, you wouldn't understand it, but have you give you ice cream,

852
01:09:03.800 --> 01:09:06.279
you now understand, oh, I love you.

853
01:09:06.279 --> 01:09:11.080
So we're supposed to hold on to what it is that God is saying in the promise, not the

854
01:09:11.080 --> 01:09:12.560
promise itself.

855
01:09:12.560 --> 01:09:16.880
So what we have a tendency to do is we see that is, is God gives us the promise and we're

856
01:09:16.880 --> 01:09:18.560
like, oh, this is so exciting.

857
01:09:18.560 --> 01:09:22.240
And now we've taken our eyes off the Lord and like, this is wonderful.

858
01:09:22.240 --> 01:09:24.359
Why haven't you made it happen yet?

859
01:09:24.359 --> 01:09:28.960
And so now what we do is we take this beautiful gift that God meant to communicate us to a

860
01:09:28.960 --> 01:09:33.000
something wonderful about himself so that we would keep looking at him like, oh, my

861
01:09:33.000 --> 01:09:34.880
goodness, Lord, you're this good.

862
01:09:34.880 --> 01:09:37.000
You've loved me this much.

863
01:09:37.000 --> 01:09:41.960
You see how this is now always looking at God and focusing on that as opposed to, oh,

864
01:09:41.960 --> 01:09:42.960
this is wonderful.

865
01:09:42.960 --> 01:09:43.960
I love it.

866
01:09:43.960 --> 01:09:47.680
You know, where are we taking our eyes off the Lord?

867
01:09:47.680 --> 01:09:51.859
And because like I said, he wants us to understand something about himself, but what we have

868
01:09:51.859 --> 01:10:00.080
a tendency to do is to grab a promise or a prophecy about our future or whatever, or current.

869
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:07.920
And then we use it to attack God, to attack his character, God, why aren't you good enough

870
01:10:07.920 --> 01:10:09.520
to have made it happen yet?

871
01:10:09.520 --> 01:10:12.420
It's been 10 years, there's been 20 years.

872
01:10:12.420 --> 01:10:18.720
We now use it as our means of accusing him instead of, instead of the way that he meant

873
01:10:18.720 --> 01:10:23.040
it, which was to keep our, which was to reveal something about himself.

874
01:10:23.040 --> 01:10:28.920
We now use it in accusation against him that he's not giving us something of himself.

875
01:10:28.920 --> 01:10:34.000
So anyway, that's the, that's the thing about like promises and, and in prophecies, it's

876
01:10:34.000 --> 01:10:39.200
kind of like, we just always keep our hands open in a river.

877
01:10:39.200 --> 01:10:43.480
And if you like think of the river, like is in like the river of the, like the spirit

878
01:10:43.480 --> 01:10:47.320
or whatever, and you just kind of keep your hands in the water, could you get to experience

879
01:10:47.320 --> 01:10:49.220
so much of the river that way?

880
01:10:49.220 --> 01:10:54.880
Because more water keeps coming down downstream, you know, and flowing in and around your fingers

881
01:10:54.880 --> 01:10:56.600
and over your hands and whatever.

882
01:10:56.600 --> 01:10:59.520
And then more water comes and then more water comes.

883
01:10:59.520 --> 01:11:04.400
You get to experience all of this because you're no longer, you're, you're not in control

884
01:11:04.400 --> 01:11:07.840
and you're not trying to grab a hold of or claim any of it.

885
01:11:07.840 --> 01:11:09.640
Now you get to experience all of it.

886
01:11:09.640 --> 01:11:14.560
But as soon as you start doing this, all of the water now comes out of your hands.

887
01:11:14.560 --> 01:11:17.200
You know, if you do this and try to lift it up out of the water, cause you're like, oh,

888
01:11:17.200 --> 01:11:21.040
I want to make sure that I don't lose this part because I really like this.

889
01:11:21.040 --> 01:11:26.960
I like the circumstances scenario situation that I'm in, or this person that's in my life

890
01:11:26.960 --> 01:11:27.960
or this, whatever.

891
01:11:27.960 --> 01:11:33.800
And as soon as we do that, we start killing it because life in order for spirit to continue

892
01:11:33.800 --> 01:11:36.480
to be spirit, his spirit has life in it.

893
01:11:36.480 --> 01:11:38.360
It has to continue to move.

894
01:11:38.360 --> 01:11:43.200
So as soon as we get something from the Lord and get it to stop moving, it dies.

895
01:11:43.200 --> 01:11:47.760
But anyway, so that's the same thing with like a promise or a prophecy.

896
01:11:47.760 --> 01:11:51.560
If we start, if we, if we start to claim it and grab a hold of it, instead of allowing

897
01:11:51.560 --> 01:11:57.760
ourselves to just experience whatever it is, the movement of God in fulfilling and making

898
01:11:57.760 --> 01:12:02.280
the promise, taking us through the journey towards the promise, fulfilling the promise,

899
01:12:02.280 --> 01:12:03.280
whatever.

900
01:12:03.280 --> 01:12:04.940
If we start doing this, we kill it.

901
01:12:04.940 --> 01:12:09.200
We stop it coming, or we even flat out stop it happening.

902
01:12:09.200 --> 01:12:14.720
We actually create a, we, we, there's a spiritual death that occurs.

903
01:12:14.720 --> 01:12:17.120
So anyway, does that help?

904
01:12:17.480 --> 01:12:18.480
Yeah, no.

905
01:12:18.480 --> 01:12:19.480
Yeah.

906
01:12:19.480 --> 01:12:20.480
It makes sense.

907
01:12:20.480 --> 01:12:23.400
It's just, I feel like I've laid down so many of the things that I'm like, oh, I don't even

908
01:12:23.400 --> 01:12:25.080
know what my dream is anymore.

909
01:12:25.080 --> 01:12:26.080
You know what I mean?

910
01:12:26.080 --> 01:12:28.120
It's kind of like that purpose depression kind of a thing.

911
01:12:28.120 --> 01:12:32.160
Like, you know, I don't know if you're aware, like, do you know Terri Savelle Floyd here

912
01:12:32.160 --> 01:12:33.160
from Texas?

913
01:12:33.160 --> 01:12:34.160
Do you know?

914
01:12:34.160 --> 01:12:35.160
Okay.

915
01:12:35.160 --> 01:12:36.160
I call her Barbie.

916
01:12:36.160 --> 01:12:37.640
She's great though.

917
01:12:37.640 --> 01:12:38.640
She's a preacher.

918
01:12:38.640 --> 01:12:43.280
I think she's like Kenneth Copeland and like that kind of thing.

919
01:12:43.280 --> 01:12:44.280
I think so.

920
01:12:44.280 --> 01:12:51.280
So that's where I was like, I'm like, okay, but that, cause that's kind of like, well,

921
01:12:51.280 --> 01:12:52.280
that's for another time.

922
01:12:52.280 --> 01:12:55.800
Cause now that you're paying, I'm like, oh, that's probably more on like maybe a soul

923
01:12:55.800 --> 01:12:56.800
level, you know?

924
01:12:56.800 --> 01:13:02.840
But cause I feel like they're like doing their vision lists and then it's like, okay, sewing

925
01:13:02.840 --> 01:13:07.640
into the promise and grabbing hold of like a Bible verse that works toward it.

926
01:13:07.640 --> 01:13:14.200
And then you see like all of these things come to pass, you know, which I'm like, okay,

927
01:13:15.120 --> 01:13:22.240
which can probably happen, you know, but maybe that's on like a soul, soul realm then maybe.

928
01:13:22.240 --> 01:13:24.360
I don't want to make a judgment call about this.

929
01:13:24.360 --> 01:13:28.480
So I'm just going to point out to a principle that could be going on.

930
01:13:28.480 --> 01:13:34.160
So there's a way to do what you're talking about in absolute spiritual oneness with the

931
01:13:34.160 --> 01:13:40.320
Lord and, and all of that, but the other danger in that, or at least in immature people, grabbing

932
01:13:40.320 --> 01:13:43.620
a hold of what maybe these preachers are not actually saying.

933
01:13:43.620 --> 01:13:46.340
So I have no idea what's going on.

934
01:13:46.340 --> 01:13:49.140
So that's my point is like, I'm just hearing something and I'm like, okay, well, there's

935
01:13:49.140 --> 01:13:50.460
two different ways that can work.

936
01:13:50.460 --> 01:13:54.580
It can be actually godly and spiritual, but then it can also be used kind of like the

937
01:13:54.580 --> 01:14:01.060
spirit, like a, like a Christian law of attraction where it's actually working really, really,

938
01:14:01.060 --> 01:14:03.280
really hard for something.

939
01:14:03.280 --> 01:14:07.100
So in other words, you're sweating for something, but you're trying, but you're using all of

940
01:14:07.100 --> 01:14:11.820
the godly, godly things you're using the Bible, you're using a verse, you're, you're claiming

941
01:14:11.820 --> 01:14:13.820
it and holding it before God.

942
01:14:13.820 --> 01:14:20.620
And then it's demanding it of him as opposed to allowing it and then saying, God, I'm trying

943
01:14:20.620 --> 01:14:28.260
to get a transaction from you formula, but I'm calling it, believing you, I'm calling

944
01:14:28.260 --> 01:14:35.180
it, having faith in what you said, I'm calling it, uh, believing your word, but really if

945
01:14:35.180 --> 01:14:41.620
we keep, if we keep, if there's a desperateness in it and it means that we doubt that it's

946
01:14:41.620 --> 01:14:42.620
going to come.

947
01:14:42.620 --> 01:14:44.140
That's why we're desperate.

948
01:14:44.140 --> 01:14:47.100
Or we can, we're sweating for it.

949
01:14:47.100 --> 01:14:49.060
We're striving for it.

950
01:14:49.060 --> 01:14:52.800
That's the problem is the source from which it's being done.

951
01:14:52.800 --> 01:14:55.580
So that's why I'm like, I can't make a judgment call about this.

952
01:14:55.580 --> 01:14:59.780
I really don't know, but, but so what you're

953
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.440
talking about is you're simply talking about tools.

954
01:15:02.920 --> 01:15:08.200
So it simply depends on how they're teaching that, how you use the tool.

955
01:15:08.200 --> 01:15:10.240
That's the problem is how are we using tools?

956
01:15:10.240 --> 01:15:14.960
Do we use them in faith in the Lord, believing that, you know, he's doing it

957
01:15:15.400 --> 01:15:21.080
or, and those tools just partnering with this, or do we think that we're

958
01:15:21.080 --> 01:15:22.640
powerless without the tool?

959
01:15:22.800 --> 01:15:23.720
That's the problem.

960
01:15:23.720 --> 01:15:27.240
So it's all about the how, as opposed to so much, what we're doing, kind of like

961
01:15:27.240 --> 01:15:29.400
watching TV or watching the internet.

962
01:15:29.680 --> 01:15:33.120
There's nothing wrong with the TV or the internet, kind of like those tools,

963
01:15:33.120 --> 01:15:34.440
nothing wrong with any of them.

964
01:15:34.880 --> 01:15:36.280
How are we using them?

965
01:15:36.400 --> 01:15:40.040
That's the problem anyway, which is another reason why it's really hard to

966
01:15:40.040 --> 01:15:44.640
judge people because it, because we, we, you have to be able to see their heart.

967
01:15:44.640 --> 01:15:46.080
You have to be able to see the spirit.

968
01:15:48.080 --> 01:15:50.760
I think they're definitely doing it from, from the right place.

969
01:15:50.760 --> 01:15:55.400
And like all of that things, it's just, to me, I'm like, wow, like, yeah.

970
01:15:56.280 --> 01:15:57.520
It just amazes me.

971
01:15:57.520 --> 01:16:01.440
But I think I've, I've just, God's let me see so, so many people that have

972
01:16:01.440 --> 01:16:02.960
done so many great things.

973
01:16:02.960 --> 01:16:07.440
And I'm like, oh, at this point, the last thing he told me was like, I'm

974
01:16:07.440 --> 01:16:09.160
not asking you to give up the dream.

975
01:16:09.200 --> 01:16:10.760
I'm just asking you to surrender it.

976
01:16:10.760 --> 01:16:13.400
So that's where I'm like, okay, well, I'm surrendering it.

977
01:16:13.440 --> 01:16:16.840
Um, I'm trying, I'm trying, I think this is what this is.

978
01:16:16.840 --> 01:16:20.240
I'm trying to surrender or something, but, but then in that midst, I'm like,

979
01:16:21.240 --> 01:16:25.520
yeah, I think it's the, the feeling of wanting to have like a really fulfilled

980
01:16:25.520 --> 01:16:31.000
life where it's like, oh, it doesn't have to look a certain way necessarily.

981
01:16:31.160 --> 01:16:33.680
Um, but, um, yeah.

982
01:16:34.440 --> 01:16:40.800
And you will, and we get a fulfilled life through choosing God over lifestyle

983
01:16:41.200 --> 01:16:45.680
and choosing God and his character and that he reveal and manifest

984
01:16:45.680 --> 01:16:47.760
that character into our life.

985
01:16:47.920 --> 01:16:51.240
So it's God's character that creates our life.

986
01:16:51.600 --> 01:16:55.840
And we saw what happened with Jesus when that, when he did that, we saw how hard

987
01:16:55.840 --> 01:16:58.560
his life was and that eventually he suffered and died.

988
01:16:59.280 --> 01:17:02.920
So we, we saw that, but the thing is that through the whole

989
01:17:02.920 --> 01:17:05.000
thing, God was expressing his love.

990
01:17:05.000 --> 01:17:09.720
So in other words, we're choosing God, not how, not how his character.

991
01:17:10.160 --> 01:17:11.080
Manifests.

992
01:17:11.520 --> 01:17:11.720
Yeah.

993
01:17:11.760 --> 01:17:14.440
We're choosing his character, not the manifestation.

994
01:17:14.880 --> 01:17:19.320
And, um, and so, and we continue to, and we just continue to make that choice.

995
01:17:19.320 --> 01:17:24.600
And when we do that, we actually, we actually become fulfilled

996
01:17:25.080 --> 01:17:26.120
because here's the thing.

997
01:17:26.120 --> 01:17:28.760
We can't enjoy something that we need.

998
01:17:29.200 --> 01:17:33.440
So if we really need it in our life, if we really need our life to be fleshed

999
01:17:33.440 --> 01:17:37.920
out by particular milestones or whatever, it actually can't

1000
01:17:37.920 --> 01:17:39.960
fulfill us because we need it.

1001
01:17:39.960 --> 01:17:41.920
So we're not free to enjoy it.

1002
01:17:42.280 --> 01:17:46.440
And so it's really an oxymoron that God will give us things

1003
01:17:46.440 --> 01:17:47.560
when we no longer need it.

1004
01:17:48.000 --> 01:17:51.040
God had, God had me get married when I no longer needed to be.

1005
01:17:51.400 --> 01:17:52.160
I was hurt.

1006
01:17:52.160 --> 01:17:55.760
I was finally perfectly fine to not be married in bed.

1007
01:17:55.760 --> 01:17:59.720
I was having so much fun and I was like, this is amazing.

1008
01:17:59.720 --> 01:18:00.360
This is great.

1009
01:18:00.360 --> 01:18:01.840
I'm so glad I'm finally here.

1010
01:18:02.120 --> 01:18:05.680
And then God brought my husband because he's like, now you no longer need it.

1011
01:18:06.120 --> 01:18:11.040
Um, but there were other times where I thought I didn't need it until I got,

1012
01:18:11.040 --> 01:18:13.920
until I would go to a wedding or I'd go to a baby shower or whatever.

1013
01:18:13.920 --> 01:18:16.880
And that old resentment towards the Lord would come up and

1014
01:18:16.880 --> 01:18:18.440
God's like, you still need it.

1015
01:18:18.880 --> 01:18:21.720
So finally, when I really no longer needed it because I got my

1016
01:18:21.720 --> 01:18:24.880
fulfillment in the Lord, everything else was just bonus.

1017
01:18:24.920 --> 01:18:26.080
Everything else was extra.

1018
01:18:26.080 --> 01:18:29.400
And now God's like, okay, now I can entrust you with living

1019
01:18:29.400 --> 01:18:30.960
your life in a totally different way.

1020
01:18:30.960 --> 01:18:34.120
So I ended up living the opposite of what it is that I'd asked him for.

1021
01:18:34.440 --> 01:18:39.360
I ended up living on the road with hardly anything, you know, just living by faith.

1022
01:18:39.680 --> 01:18:44.320
And, uh, you know, not having a house, not having a family, not having whatever.

1023
01:18:44.760 --> 01:18:48.600
And I was living the exact opposite of anything that I'd ever wanted.

1024
01:18:48.600 --> 01:18:53.760
And, but yet I was living out the true desire that God had placed in

1025
01:18:53.760 --> 01:18:56.640
my heart and I was fulfilled by him.

1026
01:18:57.040 --> 01:18:58.840
And so I was like, this is amazing.

1027
01:18:59.280 --> 01:19:03.200
And then since then, God brought my husband and God brought whatever.

1028
01:19:03.200 --> 01:19:08.640
So we'll get that fulfillment by finally letting go of all of the

1029
01:19:08.640 --> 01:19:11.840
stuff that we're currently using to.

1030
01:19:12.680 --> 01:19:16.080
To kind of like provide for our soul in particular areas.

1031
01:19:16.080 --> 01:19:23.560
If we choose to allow God to prove, um, and, and move into prove himself and

1032
01:19:23.560 --> 01:19:29.720
move into those places in our soul, um, to fulfill them, um, if we do that,

1033
01:19:29.920 --> 01:19:32.680
then he really does, he really does fulfill them.

1034
01:19:32.680 --> 01:19:33.520
We're really fine.

1035
01:19:33.800 --> 01:19:36.400
And then he's like, okay, now that you no longer need these things,

1036
01:19:36.840 --> 01:19:39.760
Hey, let's create, let, let me show you what kind of a life that I wanted

1037
01:19:39.760 --> 01:19:41.960
to make out of my character in you.

1038
01:19:42.320 --> 01:19:46.160
And, um, so anyway, but it's that taking the journey there.

1039
01:19:46.160 --> 01:19:47.120
It all sounds in theory.

1040
01:19:47.120 --> 01:19:47.760
It all sounds great.

1041
01:19:47.840 --> 01:19:48.320
Oh yeah.

1042
01:19:48.320 --> 01:19:48.520
Yeah.

1043
01:19:48.520 --> 01:19:52.320
I wish I'll do that, but we actually do have to take those

1044
01:19:52.320 --> 01:19:53.840
hearts desires before the Lord.

1045
01:19:53.920 --> 01:19:56.240
And we finally have to let things go.

1046
01:19:56.280 --> 01:19:59.840
And that's hard because it is a death because what we have to choose is that.

1047
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.320
is finally safe when we haven't wanted to believe, when we haven't been able to believe he was safe

1048
01:20:04.320 --> 01:20:08.560
to this point, or that he's loved, and we haven't been able to believe to this point that he was

1049
01:20:08.560 --> 01:20:13.840
loved. In other words, we finally have to be vulnerable. It's more than just a, it's more

1050
01:20:13.840 --> 01:20:19.200
than just a choice in a manner of speaking. That choice has to come with, is the only way to choose

1051
01:20:19.200 --> 01:20:24.000
is if we're vulnerable. That's the only way in which we can make a choice. It's the only state

1052
01:20:24.000 --> 01:20:29.120
of being in which we can be to make a choice is vulnerability. We can't make a choice and be

1053
01:20:29.120 --> 01:20:35.200
protected. We have to make a choice and there with, without any protection whatsoever. And it

1054
01:20:35.200 --> 01:20:40.800
puts us in a place to experience, for God to basically prove to us through experience that

1055
01:20:40.800 --> 01:20:47.040
he really does, that he really is safe. Because there was nothing that we, that would prevent him

1056
01:20:47.040 --> 01:20:54.800
from taking us out. Yeah. I think that's my, I think that's my like little issue, like that I

1057
01:20:54.800 --> 01:21:02.960
have to grab a hold onto and fully understand. Because I'm like, I think Jim Carrey said,

1058
01:21:02.960 --> 01:21:06.960
I wish everybody could be like rich and famous because then they'd understand that's not where

1059
01:21:06.960 --> 01:21:12.880
it's at. Like, that's not what you want. And I think I'm there like, that's like, I know that,

1060
01:21:12.880 --> 01:21:18.160
but I'm like, oh, I think Renata told me, oh, but what if, because I'm like, well, there has to be

1061
01:21:18.160 --> 01:21:21.840
like a purpose. She's like, well, what, you know, your purpose is just to be here and be loved by

1062
01:21:21.840 --> 01:21:27.280
God. I'm like, that is so boring. You know, like my life has to be like something more than just

1063
01:21:27.280 --> 01:21:32.880
like me. Like I can't just be created for, for like him to like, love me. Like, I mean, that's

1064
01:21:32.880 --> 01:21:38.640
just like, wow, that's exciting. Yeah. That sounds really bad, but you know what I mean? Like, I'm

1065
01:21:38.640 --> 01:21:44.400
just like, it has to like, it can look so great and look without comparing like that, but I'm

1066
01:21:44.400 --> 01:21:50.960
like, oh, wow. I love seeing people creating these movements and, you know, like having all these

1067
01:21:50.960 --> 01:21:58.320
things with, with, uh, helping other people, you know, where their passion becomes unlocking

1068
01:21:58.320 --> 01:22:04.000
somebody else's destiny too. And it's just like this, this explosion of just like, I'm like, oh,

1069
01:22:04.000 --> 01:22:10.560
that's so exciting. Like I would love for something like that to happen, you know? And it's like, oh.

1070
01:22:11.920 --> 01:22:18.800
Yeah. So in, in, in order to get there, we have to give at the, the, the kind of like the fruit

1071
01:22:19.600 --> 01:22:26.320
or how it ends up looking like, and we have to give it up. And then we, then we basically like

1072
01:22:26.320 --> 01:22:32.960
shifts us into operating from our spirit. And then it's from our spirit that this flood of

1073
01:22:32.960 --> 01:22:41.040
creativity and this flood of life and fire and passion that, that we've never prior to this,

1074
01:22:41.040 --> 01:22:46.480
we've literally never accessed or experienced. That is the place from which this whole other

1075
01:22:46.480 --> 01:22:50.880
thing that this, that this part of life was being, that life was being like taken up with

1076
01:22:50.880 --> 01:22:54.560
this other thing, this other solace thing. Once it's let go, I haven't moved out of the way.

1077
01:22:54.560 --> 01:23:00.400
Finally, this thing comes in and completely fills it, blows it out of the water and expands. But

1078
01:23:00.400 --> 01:23:05.280
what we're having to do is we're having to risk that if we let this go, that there's going to be

1079
01:23:05.280 --> 01:23:09.920
a life fulfillment or a life purpose, and that we're actually going to fill it and all of that.

1080
01:23:09.920 --> 01:23:16.400
Cause right now it feels that no, my only solace is that I'd be able to fill it. If I hold on to

1081
01:23:16.560 --> 01:23:22.400
this and what we're having to risk is that it'll come if we let this go and we no longer can pick

1082
01:23:22.400 --> 01:23:26.800
it back up. Because there's one thing if like we put it down and we're like, Oh, well I could just

1083
01:23:26.800 --> 01:23:34.400
grab it later. But God's like, no, burn the bridge, risk yourself on me that much that if I say

1084
01:23:34.400 --> 01:23:40.800
you'll be fulfilled, that you really will be, but you have to let go of ever getting this again.

1085
01:23:41.760 --> 01:23:49.360
And, and because he's, that's why faith is talked so much about in the Bible. And that's why I have

1086
01:23:49.360 --> 01:23:55.600
the rest intensive is because it's this hard. It all sounds good in theory, but how do we do the

1087
01:23:55.600 --> 01:24:02.800
dadgum thing? That's what we do. That's Christian cursing in Texas. It's not really, it's not really

1088
01:24:02.800 --> 01:24:08.000
cursing, but we always joke about it. Anyway, it's like that. It's like, how do you do it?

1089
01:24:08.160 --> 01:24:13.760
And that's why God has to talk about faith. It's to the extent that he does because it's

1090
01:24:13.760 --> 01:24:20.800
that hard. If there's everything in us that, that has built to strive to survive and struggle

1091
01:24:20.800 --> 01:24:27.840
against that, because this feels like death. And so we're the survival is ingrained in a human at

1092
01:24:27.840 --> 01:24:34.080
a very deep level. And we're going to do everything that we can to, to, to keep ourselves together

1093
01:24:34.080 --> 01:24:40.560
and to avoid this. And God says, yeah, but this is where I will prove that, that you're always

1094
01:24:40.560 --> 01:24:47.360
resurrected in spirit and you'll never die again. Like you have whatever, whatever you die to,

1095
01:24:47.360 --> 01:24:52.720
and you give and you surrender to the Lord, you won't ever have to do it again. So people talk

1096
01:24:52.720 --> 01:24:56.880
about, about the fact of, Oh, you might keep having to surrender it. That's not true. You

1097
01:24:56.880 --> 01:24:59.760
keep having to either surrender to deeper and deeper.

1098
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.400
levels, like, oh, well, you'd surrender this much, or you never surrendered it at all.

1099
01:25:04.960 --> 01:25:08.400
And you just thought that you did, and you hoped you did, and you believed that you should.

1100
01:25:09.200 --> 01:25:15.120
So the good thing is, so the reason that I say that is we can know that if we truly surrendered

1101
01:25:15.120 --> 01:25:21.120
something to the Lord, that is the flesh that really did die, was resurrected and replaced

1102
01:25:21.120 --> 01:25:26.720
his spirit and spirit can never die. That's a principle. Spirit can never die. So it's an

1103
01:25:26.720 --> 01:25:31.360
aspect of you that is being transfigured. Kind of like Jesus's body was transfigured. It was

1104
01:25:31.360 --> 01:25:35.360
the same body he died in, but it was now spirit, can move through walls, was no longer governed

1105
01:25:35.360 --> 01:25:41.200
by science, but could operate within science. It could eat, it could walk, but he didn't have to

1106
01:25:41.200 --> 01:25:47.280
if he didn't want to. So it's different aspects of yourself that are being transformed into spirit.

1107
01:25:47.280 --> 01:25:52.560
And God promises that when something dies in him and is resurrected, it has to die in him.

1108
01:25:52.560 --> 01:25:57.920
It doesn't die in him. It's dead. If it dies in him, he promises that it always, always,

1109
01:25:57.920 --> 01:26:03.680
always without exception will be resurrected and that it will be resurrected. This time is spirit.

1110
01:26:03.680 --> 01:26:08.080
And that, that spirit, that aspect of spirit, that aspect of you literally will never have to

1111
01:26:08.080 --> 01:26:14.000
be presented to the Lord to die again, ever. It's finally done. So you don't have to like,

1112
01:26:14.560 --> 01:26:18.320
try to, you know, go, that's why we don't go around the mountain over and over and over again

1113
01:26:18.320 --> 01:26:22.880
to like, we surrender the same thing. We've already done it. We're just either doing it at

1114
01:26:22.880 --> 01:26:27.680
deeper measures or you can think of it as going up higher around the mountain, you know, whichever

1115
01:26:27.680 --> 01:26:32.160
direction you want to think of it as going deeper into the issue or you're getting closer and closer

1116
01:26:32.160 --> 01:26:39.040
to the Lord. So anyway, before we go, is that helpful? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I still have

1117
01:26:39.040 --> 01:26:50.800
to grasp it, but I, yeah. Yeah. I will, I will get it. You're great. You're fine. I'm just,

1118
01:26:50.800 --> 01:26:57.280
just let me just kind of like, yeah, like it makes sense, but I'm like, I want it. Now,

1119
01:26:57.280 --> 01:27:04.080
how do I do it? Oh, I know. I know exactly. And that's kind of like, that's the thing where

1120
01:27:04.080 --> 01:27:08.560
you allow all of these things. Remember we're all with each other for six weeks. Allow these things

1121
01:27:08.560 --> 01:27:13.280
to just these questions and these struggles before the Lord to come up. Remember what God

1122
01:27:13.280 --> 01:27:18.000
called Israel. God can name his son in as firstborn son, anything he wanted. And he said,

1123
01:27:18.000 --> 01:27:22.560
I will call you Israel, which means he, who struggles with God, God finds struggling with

1124
01:27:22.560 --> 01:27:28.720
him to be a mark of intimacy with him. Yes. He's like, instead of turning your back on me,

1125
01:27:28.720 --> 01:27:32.800
you're wrestling it out with me in order to dad gun fight for the relationship.

1126
01:27:33.440 --> 01:27:38.720
So God loves the struggle. He loves the, the facing it off with him and saying, okay, God,

1127
01:27:38.720 --> 01:27:43.520
you know, help me with this. But God eventually says, you need to release, you need to let go,

1128
01:27:43.520 --> 01:27:48.880
you can struggle with me, but you eventually have to surrender to me, you know, in the fight.

1129
01:27:48.880 --> 01:27:52.880
And so anyway, you know, you just do that, continue to bring that before the Lord,

1130
01:27:52.880 --> 01:28:00.240
because logic won't convince you or change you into rest, experiencing and meeting with your

1131
01:28:00.240 --> 01:28:07.120
God will make him a choice. Okay, God, between you and me, this is what I choose. And, and so

1132
01:28:07.120 --> 01:28:11.440
anyway, you just kind of go through that process with him. And then eventually though, you will

1133
01:28:11.440 --> 01:28:15.680
just have to kind of make, make the decision of what it is that you're going to choose.

1134
01:28:15.680 --> 01:28:20.160
But remember what you choose is not a belief system. What you're choosing is God himself

1135
01:28:20.160 --> 01:28:25.440
and what he said about him. What did he tell you that he is? And then you choose that thing,

1136
01:28:25.440 --> 01:28:29.680
not, well, what are these concepts that Ashley's talking about? Let's see whether or not I believe

1137
01:28:29.680 --> 01:28:33.120
them. That's not what you're fighting for. You're like, God, what are you revealing in my spirit

1138
01:28:33.120 --> 01:28:37.760
about you that these things actually saying is just bringing up conversation with you.

1139
01:28:37.760 --> 01:28:42.320
What are you saying, Lord? And then that is what I'm going to choose about you because it's his

1140
01:28:42.880 --> 01:28:50.640
presence and his character that will take down the walls within us. And that will transform us.

1141
01:28:50.640 --> 01:28:54.960
And so that's how you just kind of go on this process. And remember, don't fight the journey.

1142
01:28:54.960 --> 01:28:59.520
The more that you fight is that resistance and the longer that it's going to take to go through.

1143
01:28:59.600 --> 01:29:06.400
Because you can only finally win when you stop the resistance. So just allow yourself to go

1144
01:29:06.400 --> 01:29:10.960
through the journey, the way that it is instead of judging how you're doing the journey. Yeah.

1145
01:29:10.960 --> 01:29:15.280
Is that will take it longer to go through the more it's kind of like, okay, just let myself be that.

1146
01:29:15.280 --> 01:29:21.760
I'm a little angry at God right now, or I'm resentful, or I'm afraid. Allow yourself to go

1147
01:29:21.760 --> 01:29:27.440
through all of that. So it can come up and out and everything will move a lot faster. The more that

1148
01:29:27.440 --> 01:29:33.920
you feel and the more that you face, the faster you will shift. So anyway, in fact, I I've got

1149
01:29:35.920 --> 01:29:43.440
some testimonies from a lady who did one of the rest intensives that shifted probably the fastest

1150
01:29:43.440 --> 01:29:47.200
that anyone has ever shifted in the rest intensive because she was that desperate.

1151
01:29:47.200 --> 01:29:52.960
She was willing to face all of her feelings and feel everything fully and wrestle it out with God.

1152
01:29:52.960 --> 01:29:58.640
And she had major shifts within two weeks, like lifetime transformation in two weeks.

1153
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.200
than that, but I just, you know, mentioned two weeks to be a little conservative.

1154
01:30:03.560 --> 01:30:08.240
I mean, I received that for myself.

1155
01:30:10.800 --> 01:30:13.840
Well, we've gone a bit every time, but I wanted to make sure that we

1156
01:30:17.160 --> 01:30:20.600
kind of flush all this out, but it's good to get to see y'all.

1157
01:30:20.640 --> 01:30:24.200
And are you, how are you doing with the moving?

1158
01:30:24.240 --> 01:30:25.360
Are you on track?

1159
01:30:25.840 --> 01:30:26.320
Thanks.

1160
01:30:26.360 --> 01:30:26.920
Uh, yeah.

1161
01:30:26.960 --> 01:30:27.960
Moving tomorrow.

1162
01:30:28.000 --> 01:30:29.480
So I'm still packing.

1163
01:30:30.080 --> 01:30:34.800
Um, and, uh, we're my, I finally undecorated the tree.

1164
01:30:36.960 --> 01:30:39.040
My husband's got to take out the Christmas tree.

1165
01:30:39.040 --> 01:30:41.400
And then actually right now I'm going to go down to his office

1166
01:30:41.400 --> 01:30:42.880
and help him pack up his office.

1167
01:30:42.920 --> 01:30:44.240
So yeah.

1168
01:30:44.600 --> 01:30:46.640
Tomorrow's the day, but thanks for asking.

1169
01:30:46.640 --> 01:30:47.360
It's very sweet.

1170
01:30:47.360 --> 01:30:51.000
The packing is going well and yeah, just keep going at it.

1171
01:30:51.960 --> 01:30:53.560
Are you recording this recording?

1172
01:30:53.560 --> 01:30:55.480
Will it be put on this side or?

1173
01:30:55.960 --> 01:30:56.280
Okay.

1174
01:30:56.280 --> 01:30:57.520
So not on the old side.

1175
01:30:58.720 --> 01:30:59.640
The old side.

1176
01:30:59.640 --> 01:30:59.960
Oh yeah.

1177
01:30:59.960 --> 01:31:01.200
Not in the Facebook group.

1178
01:31:01.240 --> 01:31:01.480
Yeah.

1179
01:31:01.480 --> 01:31:02.320
In the platform.

1180
01:31:02.760 --> 01:31:06.560
But this is not the same as enter his dot rest.

1181
01:31:07.040 --> 01:31:09.720
Is it the same, like the platform we used before?

1182
01:31:10.160 --> 01:31:13.840
Just, uh, yeah, no, it won't be in that one.

1183
01:31:14.080 --> 01:31:14.480
Oh, okay.

1184
01:31:14.480 --> 01:31:14.760
Yeah.

1185
01:31:14.800 --> 01:31:15.840
It's okay.

1186
01:31:15.840 --> 01:31:20.120
So it is still enter his dot rest, but it's members dot enter his dot rest.

1187
01:31:20.120 --> 01:31:23.520
So it's, that's the platform in which you're seeing, you were

1188
01:31:23.520 --> 01:31:24.880
able to watch all the videos.

1189
01:31:25.320 --> 01:31:27.160
That's where all the recordings are going to be.

1190
01:31:27.160 --> 01:31:30.640
I'm going to upload these and then have it as like one of those little things,

1191
01:31:30.640 --> 01:31:33.760
you know, that'll say like the rest retreat, only this will probably say

1192
01:31:33.760 --> 01:31:38.280
something like fireside chats or international fireside chats or whatever.

1193
01:31:38.840 --> 01:31:41.280
We're going to get to see y'all's recordings, just like y'all

1194
01:31:41.280 --> 01:31:42.680
are going to get to see theirs.

1195
01:31:43.000 --> 01:31:43.240
Yeah.

1196
01:31:44.080 --> 01:31:47.840
Because y'all, because remember y'all would be in the rest group with them.

1197
01:31:47.840 --> 01:31:49.680
If y'all were on the same time zone.

1198
01:31:49.680 --> 01:31:53.880
So it allows y'all to get to keep up with each other so that you get encouraged by,

1199
01:31:53.880 --> 01:31:55.760
okay, other people are going through this too.

1200
01:31:56.200 --> 01:31:58.960
And a lot of people get to be encouraged on their journey because they're

1201
01:31:58.960 --> 01:32:02.560
struggling when they hear the questions that y'all ask and like vice versa.

1202
01:32:02.560 --> 01:32:04.600
So everybody gets to see everything.

1203
01:32:04.600 --> 01:32:05.520
So, yeah.

1204
01:32:07.680 --> 01:32:11.200
Thank you for going over time in the midst of your life.

1205
01:32:11.600 --> 01:32:12.160
Oh, no.

1206
01:32:12.960 --> 01:32:13.400
Yeah.

1207
01:32:13.760 --> 01:32:14.760
Yeah, no, you're welcome.

1208
01:32:14.760 --> 01:32:18.080
I just mentioned that it was over time so that y'all would know I was aware of it.

1209
01:32:18.080 --> 01:32:23.040
And I was trying to answer questions that be, um, that be, uh, uh, that

1210
01:32:23.040 --> 01:32:24.640
be honoring of y'all's time.

1211
01:32:24.640 --> 01:32:26.040
Cause I know that y'all need to go to bed.

1212
01:32:28.200 --> 01:32:28.840
All right.

1213
01:32:28.880 --> 01:32:30.400
Well, I will see y'all next time.

1214
01:32:30.760 --> 01:32:31.760
See you next time.

1215
01:32:33.080 --> 01:32:34.200
Good luck tomorrow.

1216
01:32:34.440 --> 01:32:35.160
Thank you.

1217
01:32:35.200 --> 01:32:36.040
Drive safe.

1218
01:32:36.560 --> 01:32:37.160
We'll do.

1219
01:32:37.400 --> 01:32:37.880
Yeah.

1220
01:32:38.440 --> 01:32:38.800
Bye.