Okay.
Hey Renata.
Hi.
Hey, good to see you.
Oh, well that's kind of why I did it.
I thought well that's cool so it's normally nine our time. Now it's nine y'all's time so everybody does it at nine o'clock.
Nine right. Huh. Usually meet at nine. Yes, yeah Eastern Standard Time Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm so glad you wrote the message for some reason I thought it was tomorrow in my head.
Like it's on Wednesdays, like, I'm sorry. Well, also please forgive me this is a my first time doing a doing multiple doing a fireside chat for internationals only.
I forgot this one. So I told Renata. I was like, I'm sorry, right before the meeting, I'll email the new zoom link so even the one that I have is temporary I'm going to have to make a, I'm going to have to make a new zoom link.
I'm sorry, but I have a new zoom link.
So, even the one that I have is temporary I'm going to have to make a permanent one, and then put it and I'll put it in the platform so I apologize everything's a little here and scare him while I'm switching over to the new platform.
I'm going to be adding in a new meeting to the roster. So, that's fine.
It gives us time to all meet because poor Renata would have to like just make a decision about whether or not she felt she could stay at till two in the morning on a school night, you know,
how are y'all doing.
Yeah.
Y'all doing all right.
I'm feeling a bit better. Yeah, I've been to work so it's like, yeah, but just, it's, it's the right time to be a part of this process I feel like so it's it's a good.
I've been listening a lot to Kim Walker Smith going. Okay, there you go.
Like, yeah, that's some setup. I'm like, No, come on. Yeah.
Yeah, well that's great perfect timing that I'm glad that it that it is good timing I think it really is.
It's good timing for everyone. And just because I just know from different people's stories. And it's just that everyone's in different situations and how they're feeling the, I don't know the urgent the sense of urgency or the sense of like, Oh, it's the
right time. And so some people are just kind of I know I know that some people are just, they're not in new situations so much as the fact that they are in because I don't know if yours is in like a newly pressurized situation where it's like there's
But I know for some people, it's just like, Okay, this, this is enough. Enough is enough. I have been doing this for how long and I just can't keep going. And that for me is what that's what happened to me I mean yeah I was in really extreme circumstances at the time
and so yeah it was a it was a trigger but mainly it was just, I was just worn out, you know, I'd like I cannot keep going on fumes. So, however, everyone got here in their own unique circumstances, it's always exciting to watch everyone come at just the right
time and see how God meets them, because if he invited them. He's like, then that within my invitation is my promise to you that you know that now's the time, and this is in is my promise to you that I'm going to carry you through with through this so anyway it's
it's always, it's always exciting.
In the invitation because there's always a promise of fulfillment within the invitation, as opposed to Oh well, you know God's throwing that out like a carrot. And when that'd be nice if that with the word always comes the, the, the ability for that to be fulfilled
But anyway, so this is just a, say it's a, say it's a fireside chat I don't remember it no it's a rest group that's what this is mainly for sorry I had to remember, and the reason that I did that is because the rest group is a is a time where y'all can just
know what y'all did you know during the during the discussion times it for the during the rest retreat is it gives y'all an opportunity to interact and I know that y'all happen to be friends but not everybody who will be doing the international group will
be friends and so they won't always get a chance to do this.
an opportunity to get to, I don't know, speak up, be able to just share and have a voice because
there's healing that comes with that. There's an ability to articulate things that and get to
discover things simply because you said it and you didn't know it and you didn't know you felt that
way until you said it, you know, or you didn't know that this was the problem, you know, or that
this is the solution until you said it. So the point of the rest groups are more for y'all to
discuss things or, you know, obviously y'all can ask questions and whatever, but for y'all to share
and then during the other times, you know, it's Q and A, of course, like I said, people can ask
me questions as well, but I just wanted to let you explain all of that so that, you know, y'all
have freedom to, you know, discuss what it is that, where it is that y'all are, you know, just
on your journeys to catch us up on it. And y'all can just talk amongst yourselves if you want,
or you can include me in it, but I just want you to, I feel bad if there's only two of you.
I don't know if you'd like that or if you wish that there were more. You wish that there were more.
So I'm here if you want me to be part of the discussion, but I just wanted to.
We'd love for you to be part of the discussion. Okay.
We live in different cities. Oh, I didn't know that.
We are, we're good friends and we come from the same city, but then I moved away. So we actually
don't meet often. Oh, well, that's cool. Okay. A lot of things I don't know. I don't know.
I haven't talked to her since we started this. Oh, really? Oh, wow. Okay.
It is actually, it's not like we're repeating something we talked about yesterday.
Oh, okay. Okay. Well, this is perfect then. The Lord knows.
Anyway, y'all are empowered and free and to just catch us up on where it is that y'all are,
kind of like on your processing through things between you and the Lord, just where you just
currently are on it. So anyway, so I'm just here if you need me or whatever, but here we go.
So, so does anyone have anything that, would anyone like to start, you know, with how it is
that, where it is they are, how they're feeling and about things. And then Renata, you had sent
me some questions. And so if there's any of those questions that you'd like me to answer now,
I can, otherwise I could just like type out some of those answers to some of those questions. I
don't remember what they all were, but I can do that, you know, some other time as well. So just
FYI, but you'll have to remind me what they are and which ones you want answered. And so.
Yeah. Well, you can just start. You want me to start? Okay. Well, I just listened,
finished listening to the teaching and always, I just watched the seventh video and it's always,
and it was really interesting to hear again, like the rest shifting tools, because I think,
I don't know, it's like, it was interesting what you said, Ashley, in it, because you said about
something about, like it goes deeper layers and there's, you come around it and it's like the
second time around, but it's like something deeper about it because I've gone through this
and I, I could share quite a bit about what's going on of good things because I am feeling
the love of God in a way that I haven't felt for 20 years, which is so amazing. It's,
um, um, and it was choosing it. It was when I realized that I actually don't have to believe
and I don't have to try and I don't have to change those three things, which is like,
I don't even have to change or I don't have to believe. And oh my gosh, I'm trying so hard and
it's not working. And then I realized I didn't have to do anything. And then I could just
choose it. I could say that, okay, my new reality is that God loves me and I don't even believe it,
but that's going to be my reality. And, um, and then the feelings started coming afterwards.
I was starting to notice that he actually loved me. And, um, that is starting to have like a big
impact on my life. And I could tell also that when I, uh, when the hard things occur,
like I told you before Christmas, Ashley, and I told a little bit maybe to you on that,
about some of the things I've said that happened to hard things in my life.
and for instance with these people and the things that happened in church and I could just tell that
I immediately felt God affirming me and that my heart was empty of bitterness
and like I didn't go into before I could of course I would go to God after a while but
there was more of a oh why did this happen oh I'm such a horrible person
God why aren't you doing anything why hasn't why are you allowing this and really really tough
things were happening and I my default thought was that I would like I wouldn't go into the
old default I would hear God affirming me and telling me that he loved me and I would feel
safe and protected like in a very new way and um and just like the feeling that I'm not holding
anything against God even when really tough things where you easily ask questions why
that that didn't happen has been like amazing like incredible and just like feeling free
of resentment how it's God and like he's he's like all these horrible things can happen
and I know he loves me and I don't even ask why like it was it was actually a little bit weird
I'm like I'm not gonna ask why I don't have a need to ask why um so but what I realized though
so there's like I have several stories of that and um uh but uh of the just but what I'm feeling
is that I do still have resentment towards people which is interesting I was just like oh my gosh
and it's not like a lot or I think I would have noticed it before but it's just like and with me
with God it started that I started to empty my heart of the resentment like I was totally honest
about how I felt how it's in but now I can still feel that there is still some kind of bitterness
towards people and that I think I've been there for years and I think it came with my sickness
and the hard things that happen in life and I don't know how to get rid rid of it the way I've
been my heart has been emptied of bitterness towards God and also I feel like I'm hitting
the some of the same problems and struggling to enter into rest but it feels like a new layer
doesn't feel like three months ago it feels like was something you said on the video that oh my
gosh I'm here again but then you're no I'm not here again I'm not here again but it feels the
same but it's not the same but it's still hard and it's still painful and you still have to believe
and choose and you still it's still like a real struggle and you still have to recklessly abandon
and choose so so I think those things with that with the feeling bitterness that there's something
in my heart that has happened over time where there is bitterness towards people and struggling
to enter rest but it feels different than what I struggled with three months ago and also I think
like that and one of the things like that I addressed to you actually was and Annette knows
this about me like we've discussed theology many times and we have various views and we have grown
and we have challenged each other and all everything in between and but I think and I
think like the first time around that was one of the things remember that I had to surrender
like I had to surrender the conservative Christianity I don't know I think I told
you in one of our one-on-one talks and like to like to surrender the bible it kind of sounds
weird but even you guys know what I mean it's like oh your view of the bible that's you said
you're not actually giving up the bible but you give you're letting go of your view of the bible
that like the things that have come in with the truth like lots of things that might not have
come in so I think yeah maybe and then I felt like I told you in one of the teachings
I had another roadblock which I wrote to you like suddenly there were things that I really struggled
to take in and I'm like I don't know and it became like a big roadblock and I couldn't that's why I
felt like I need to tell you because I can actually not pay attention to what's going on
anymore because I can just think about is this right is this wrong can I swallow this I can't
hard to put it on the shelf and I did and then but it just so that's one thing that I've been like
I realize that this thing with theology has come up again and I thought I would mention it to you
and also ask questions if you could clarify some of the things and I don't know if it's the same
thing the second time around because I did surrender my view of the bible and the theology
and like opened my up to take everything that was from the spirit so I already did surrender that
and I felt like I was able to take in everything and if like you say if there's something I'm like
I don't know about that like you said I put it on the shelf and then I see later on oh I think
it is from God or I still don't know or maybe I'm not going to take that in for now but for some
reason it became problem this time and I'm not really sure why so I think those three things
were the main things done I think with theology the thing with bitterness towards people and
coming entering rest the third the second time and struggling to enter rest yeah I don't know
and after this this makes sense or or because you know I told you some of these things but not all
of them yes it makes sense I was just thinking with the with the bitter the resentment is that
um because now that's just a question in your question because when I went through like the
whole like forgiveness thing with my ex it's like then I had to like choose you know it's like I was
so mad every time but I was like I forgive you know I mean I was biting in my pillow I was so
I choose to forgive and then finally it was like gone you know so I don't but but is this like
because I'm like well that worked you know so I know I know that work it was like
it was like I forgive I give it to God I forgive I give it like I don't know how many times a day
there's nothing to forgive there's nothing to yeah so that's where I'm like how how does this
is there an easier way to do that like with resentment like
you just like give it like I'm kind of at yeah I don't know
different yeah because there's resentment towards people that haven't done anything wrong
it's like they haven't done anything wrong against me and the same but the thing that
helped me with God was to be extremely honest with him a few times and almost yell and scream
and be childish because I had to empty myself of all of it like I was I had to really and
realize how mad I was at God that was the start of emptying my heart of resentment towards God
but then this time maybe maybe I could do the same but there's no one that's done anything to me
God had that I felt God had done something towards me I was it was very very personal
but with people people haven't done anything towards me
but it's it's just that I'm like kind of like a little bit suspicious or a little bit bitterness
or see things in a little bit of a dark shade when it's not intended I don't know and it's
not very it's not like very strong and it's not like people would notice and I usually catch
myself and they're like that's not right so I'm not going to act according to it so I don't think
people really notice but I can tell and then I'm like why do I always have to choose why do I feel
this and not what I like I'm tired of this I'm tired of like having this kind of suspicion or
or feeling some kind of bitterness towards because yeah yeah when and not start with clean
sheets like of course I want everyone to meet me with because this is where I would love to hear
what Ashley asked to say because I'm normally I would just go into like oh I'll find my five
why's like well why do I feel that okay well because of this and then why because of this
because what you know and then I'll find like the root cause and then I'll go and be like oh my gosh
I'm gonna repent and go back like in you know on my mom's side and my dad's side like demons and
blah blah blah and then I'm like well clearly we're not doing that so anymore which I still
have to learn so I'm like I'd love to hear your take on it yeah me too well I'll try I'll see how
helpful I can be
It can be, um, but so sometimes the, the resentment towards other people can
come, you know, just kind of like a general sense of resentment.
Like you said, well, they, they haven't done anything to me.
Okay.
There's a few different scenarios.
I mean, it could be that they actually.
They act that you're resentful because of something they actually
have done or haven't done.
But in your mind, you're not counting that because you don't
think you should feel that way.
Logically you're like, oh, I know they did that, but that's no
reason for me to be upset.
But it doesn't mean that you're not upset because of that thing.
You're trying to talk yourself out of like, well, I shouldn't be.
So therefore that's not the real reason.
Cause that's not logical, but your feelings are reflective of what you
believe, not off of what you think.
And so, so that's why subconsciously we can feel something and not know why
because we're like, well, I know better than that, or, well, that's not true.
Yeah.
But you feel it because you actually do believe it's true.
So that's a possibility.
Um, the other possibility is that you're actually not resentful against that is
that you're resentful against people because, uh, again, I'm just throwing
out a variety of scenarios because I felt like it was kind of like a, a
vague kind of sense of a resentment.
So I'm kind of like throwing out possibilities that it could be.
And so you see what resonates in your spirit between you and Lord
and what the Lord highlights to you.
But another thing can be that we can feel resentment against other people
because we feel that God somehow.
We can somehow feel that we're less than other people to God.
Yeah.
God loves me.
Yeah.
When I get together alone with the Lord, you know, he, you know, he loves me and
he takes care of me and all of that stuff, but everybody else outranks me.
I'm somehow always used to help them or I noticed that God comes in for them more
than he does, you know, and meets them where they need more than he does me.
So there's this subconscious resentment that why are they better than me?
Why am I not enough?
And it's, but really it's a resentment against the Lord because of what we
believe, not because the people have done anything so we can have
that subconscious resentment.
I know that I felt that way towards people simply because I thought God
loves them better and that he was using me constantly in their life to help
their life by having the lifeblood sucked out of me towards them.
And I was very resentful, but really I was resentful against the Lord.
But when I saw the person, I was very resentful against the, against the
person, and it took me a while to realize, wait a minute, I'm resentful
against the Lord, or I'm resentful against so-and-so who's thinking that
I should be such and such to this person.
I should help this person.
Then I'm really resentful against these people for making me
feel like that or whatever.
So that, that could be, that could be some of it.
Same thing with the bitterness is this idea that there's things that we're
believing about, about ourselves that aren't true, and we're somehow thinking
that other people are getting away with it, that the Lord is allowing them to
do it, but he's not allowing us to do it.
Or he's giving them something he's not giving to us.
In other words, that there's an unfairness.
And so, and because we know we're not supposed to be mad at God,
we're mad at other people.
And we're not doing this consciously.
It's all unconscious.
Um, there's, and what that means is that we're simply stifling different
aspects of ourselves and that pressure has to come out somewhere.
So if we're feeling a particular way towards the Lord, and we know that we
shouldn't, we're subconsciously stifling in that, but that pressure has to go
somewhere, so it might shoot off over here towards other people or towards
ourselves or I don't know, just whatever.
So anyway, that could be that those are some possibilities.
Any of that resonated at all of like something to think about?
Yeah, I think it is the second.
I think it is, uh, maybe if it's someone that for instance, has it very easy in
life or like, you feel like they've been given a lot and things come very easy
for them, especially if it's an area where I struggle or an area with which
I struggle to conquer or something.
Yeah.
So then, but I never thought that it actually is for something.
So maybe it, and that's going to be kind of an enemy too, like either
envy towards the person or like, why does it come so easy for them or why?
Um, but I've never thought of it as resentment towards God, but maybe it is.
So anyway, something for you to explore, um, you know, between you and the Lord
and asking about, there was something else that came to mind.
Um, some other point I was going to make about the, about the resentment of a,
like some other possibility, but it, um, it's escapes me at the moment.
Um, but yeah, and then I think you were asking how to deal with it.
Is that right?
Instead of having to go like through your ancestors and all that good.
Steph go through. So all of those obviously are like what we talked about in the three realms,
you know, those are great tools and they work. The thing is, we're not limited by those tools
and we don't need those tools in order to be free. But if we can't grab a hold of the freedom,
I was going to say shifting into the freedom, but if we can't grab a hold easily of the freedom
that God says that we're in, sometimes using a tool kind of gives our soul something to help us
leverage and be able to kind of make that journey towards the freedom. Because if God's just saying,
Hey, no, no, no, you're free. And you're like, okay, I get that Lord, but I can't quite make
that leap. We can use tools to kind of help walk our through ourself through. Because in a way,
well, there's a bigger subject, but it's, it's giving, it's isolating your intention
and directing it towards something like, okay, Satan, I'm not going to let you have,
have any foothold or any stronghold in this area of my life. And I'm going to call it out.
And one of the, really what it is that you're doing is it's not that Satan needs all of that,
or the, you know, the evil forces need all of that information and all of that, whatever,
because in the Bible, we don't see Jesus going through his generational line.
We don't see Jesus, you know, doing all of this stuff. In fact, usually at least as far as what's
recorded when he cast out demons, it doesn't say that he usually called them by name. You know,
sometimes he did, and sometimes he just said, go out. So in other words, all this specificity
isn't required, but sometimes it is there. So kind of what's the difference. And I don't,
I don't know for sure, but I do believe that, and this is how, this is how I practice or exercise
my relationship with the Lord. And it's worked is, is I use these tools to kind of help me direct
my intentionality. So what am I trying to get myself to do? What, what where do I want to do
to direct the authority of my soul to tell, to tell, you know, Hey, look, Satan, I'm not going
to allow this anymore, or I'm going to choose to come into alignment with the spirit. I'm going to,
whatever. That's why declarations work. I declare this, I declare this, I declare this. It's not
that the words are magical and it's not that we have to say them in order to be free. We don't
have to say them in our head. We don't have to say them out loud. How do we know that? Because
you know, some people are born without a tongue and they can't talk. And so God wouldn't limit
them to not being saved because they can't confess Jesus with their mouth. And because
they can't declare with their mouth, you know, Hey, you know, demon, I'm going to call you by
name and cast you out. Those things just help and support to help anchor our, give an anchor
to our soul or something definitive for our soul, for us to decide, this is what it is that I am
doing. I am doing this thing right here. And it's almost like it creates this pressure for our
intention of this is what I'm choosing. And I'm directing it towards that so that that thing
finally knows it's getting a commandment. And that's why, what I believe, and I could be wrong,
but a possibility of why you kept saying, you know, I choose to forgive, I choose to forgive,
I choose to forgive. And it wouldn't, didn't work, didn't work, didn't work, didn't work.
And then it worked is because eventually what we do when we declare things is we're kind of
trying to convince ourselves, or we're trying to, and that's what ends up taking a long time
is if we're trying to convince ourselves, we're trying to get ourselves to the point where we
actually finally do make the choice. But when we make the choice, that soul has declared its
intention and directed it towards something. And all of creation is, was created to respond to
his soul's intention. So while we're trying to do is to get our soul to make a, a flat out decision
in its authority in Christ. And so as opposed to, well, I wish this was true, or I know that I'm
supposed to believe that this is true, or I know that, that God said, this is true. None of those
things work. We actually have to know we have the authority speak in that authority. And that's the
only thing that creation or Satan or anything else will actually recognize is if we really are
standing in our authority, not in the authority that we, we believe that God says that we had,
or we know we're supposed to believe that God says that we have, that won't work. We actually do have
to claim that we have that, choose that we have that and talk like we have that not, and without,
and it can't be wishful thinking. If it's wishful thinking, if we're like, okay, well, I'll do
everything and hopefully it'll work. It won't work because we're hoping that something's true,
but we haven't claimed.
that that actually is true. So we don't really believe it. We're just hoping to use words by
magic and hoping that just simply because God said, it's true that it's going to happen without
me having to be involved. Okay. Well, I'll throw out the words. And since God says that I have the
authority, then I guess that it'll happen. If I just speak the words, no, it'll happen when you
direct that foot, when you actually claim the authority and direct it. So anyway, that's the
thing about like resent what I was going to say about like resentment or bitterness or anything
is that, you know, in order to kind of bypass a lot of these tools, if God gives us the opportunity,
because sometimes it's like, you know what, as part of the process, you know, you need to,
you need to learn some things or you're just not there yet. You want to bridge that gap,
but, but you just don't know child that you really can't bridge that gap yet. So we're
going to use some tools along the way, because there's nothing wrong with tool. I use them.
Sorry, they're working on the apartment upstairs. And so they're making some weird noises.
But anyway, we, we can bypass all of that stuff by believing in other words, by choosing that
what God says about himself and about us really is true. And as soon as we choose that it's true,
I mean, like really truly deep down, not choose that we wish that we believed it.
No. Okay. That is actually my reality. I'm putting skin in the game where I'm going to
risk disappointment. If this doesn't work, like I put all my, everything on the line,
put my emotions on the line and whatever I choose that this is true. And then I actually act on it
so that in you're risking something, because what if you act on it and then you have to bear the
consequences of the fact that it's actually not true. That's what we're risking. So we have to
choose. No. Yeah. But did God say, yes, he did. Okay. Then I'm going to act on it. I'm going to
put my money where my mouth is kind of a thing. But that helps us get over like the resentment
and the bitterness towards other people, you know, in order to forgive them is choosing that
we are who God says that we are. Oh, that's what the second point that I was going to make Renata
is that you said, well, I do believe that God, you know, loves me. And so now I don't believe
I have resentment towards the Lord. I believe I have resentment towards people, but I think that
what, but what's happened is we just believe God to a particular extent. So therefore we're like,
okay, I've believed in the fact that God loves me to a particular extent. And we're just so excited
about that particular extent because it's a lot more than we believed before, but God's like child.
I am so much more than that. I am so much more love than that. I love you so much more than that.
I am so much more freedom than that, et cetera. And so that, so what it is you're experiencing
sounds like is that you're experiencing. That love from the Lord and really truly believing
it. But the fact that you still have resentment and bitterness towards other people shows
the extent to which you're still not believing that God loves you.
And that's not to our condemnation or shame or anything, because all that God's just pointing
out is, Hey, can you imagine your life could even be that much better than it already is.
That, you know, you're in this resentment and this bitterness and this, and, uh, this,
this enslavement or this bondage or this oppression, and it's not feeling good.
You don't have to live like that. So in other words, it's always like, Hey child,
it's even better than that. It's even better than that. And so it's always an invitation
into more love and freedom, as opposed to condemnation for being here. Why on earth
are you here? And you shouldn't be like that. You shouldn't feel that way. God's like,
no, I'm pointing it out. So you can let it go and be more freedom. Wouldn't you like that? It's
always, it's always an invitation to goodness, not a condemnation for being here because God
shame us into repentance. He, and he, he, you know, it says that the kindness of God
leads to our repentance. It's like, God's always, God's always drawing us,
shoving us out of where it is that we are. He's always drawing us towards himself.
So anyway, it's just, it's just more layers coming up. And some of it is probably the fact
that you're probably feeling some things at a particular depth that you never had before. It's
almost like you're realizing things you hadn't realized before. And it's because certain things
have come off because you've dealt with them. So now this other stuff that was always there
now become, you become aware of evidence. So now God's like, yeah, see now, see, you were
in bondage to this degree and you didn't even know it. So now that you know it now you can let it go.
So, but if we're, if we, if that doesn't come to the surface, then we can't let it go.
And that's again, yet another point I wanted to make kind of like how I've talked about crying
before how, when we cry, it's actually releasing things so that they can come.
up and out and we need, or, and then also how in the last rest intensive, we ended up talking a
lot about negative emotions. It's so important to fully feel our feelings because the feelings need
to come up and out. If we're feeling them, it means they're there. So now what we don't want
to do is we don't want to feed our feelings. We don't want the feelings to come up and it's like
feed on him, all of these negative feelings of anger or stress or anxiety or resentment or
bitterness, or I don't know, whatever else comes up. We don't want to feed it, but we have to
allow ourselves to fully feel it in order to, and present it before the Lord, not hide. Because if
we hide from the Lord, or if we hide from ourselves and not admit that that's what it is that we
really feel, then it won't be dealt with. And all we do is we step it back down and keep it.
And if we keep it, we continue to be enslaved to it. So you have to let those feelings fully come
up and out before the Lord. So that sleep. So, because otherwise, if we feel something,
it means it's always been there. It's not new. It's always been there. It's trying to come out.
So we want to let it come out and then we'll get more freedom as opposed to feeling something and
things angry, or I shouldn't be afraid, or I shouldn't be whatever. And then we try to cycle
it down again, because we think I shouldn't be feeling that way. You're feeling there's nothing
wrong with your feelings. Your feelings aren't simple. They're simply a thermometer telling you
what it is you actually believe about something. So if you allow those feelings to come up, there's
no, there's no sin and feeling those feelings. They're actually indicative of some belief you
have about God or something that he said. In other words, something that you're not believing
about him or whatever anyway. So you just let those things come up and out there. It's important
again, to remember that we rule ourselves. We're not subject to or victim to our feelings.
Our feelings are indicating something to us that we already believe. And we get to govern that
we get to choose what we're going to do with those feelings. Not kind of like, oh my word,
this thing came up and now I feel this way. And this is awful. And I just have to sit in this,
that we're not, we're not a victim to it. It's simply letting us know something about ourselves,
but we still need to remember, who does God say that we are? He says that we're Kings. Therefore,
we're still, we still rule ourselves. We still govern. We're still in control anyway. So does
that help? That's very helpful. I think it is resentment towards God. I don't think it actually
is against people. Like you're saying, it's like a deeper layer. Yeah. Usually any issue that we're
having always goes back to, well, let me rephrase every single issue that we have always goes back
to God. Oh, this goes back to some issue. Yeah. Bummer. I thought I didn't have any resentment.
I know, I know. But that's the wonderful thing because remember that it just is an indication
that there's that much more of God to be had that you don't yet have. In other words, there's that
much more to get to go into. And what you're being given by God is an invitation to go there. He's
offering it as opposed to, oh, apparently there's more of God. And, you know, that's just, just not
me. Not yet. I don't get to have it. It's out there. No, no, no. If it's being highlighted to
you, it means it's God's invitation for you to have that new and deeper part of himself. So again,
with everything, with the Lord struggles, trials, pain, everything is always an invitation into
love and freedom. It's not shame or condemnation or punishment for doing something. It's always an
invitation to more love and freedom. See, it's just totally changes our perspective on struggle
on trials and tribulations. God's just highlighting you were in this bondage, whether or not you're
feeling this bad. It's just that you're feeling this bag has it's come to the surface and I've
done that so that you can let it go and be in freedom. So you can choose to just stop feeling
that way anymore and step it down, but you're still in the, in the bondage. So you can choose
now that you're feeling all this way, you can choose to let it go so that you're finally in
freedom because you're still, because otherwise you're still in that bondage, whether or not you
feel it. And God always wants us to experience and live in more freedom. We can't rule something
that we aren't free in. Yeah. Anyway, that's helpful. And so is the resentment and bitterness.
and then you asked about something else.
What was the other question?
It was just like, I feel I struggle to get into rest,
but it doesn't feel like the struggles
I had three months ago.
Yeah, and so what do you mean?
What is it like now?
Now, it's more like I don't,
I think it's, I don't know,
I don't know, it's kind of hard to explain.
I think sometimes, I think it is a little bit doubt
that sometimes that it's gonna work,
or then it's hard to stop and actually do the exercises.
I think it's, I hope that it's just gonna happen by itself
and then it doesn't.
Yeah, that's a great, very insightful way to answer that.
No, honestly, and yet you're in the ground floor,
so beware of this before you get there.
So you don't get discouraged
because of what's happened to Renata,
she's gotten discouraged.
So no need to get discouraged.
This happens to me too,
and this is why I tell people over and over and over again,
and this is why I give people lifetime access
to the teachings.
It is the same application regardless of the depth,
regardless of the depth of rest.
So in other words, people, and I'm just gonna use,
like Renata, for example,
going through the rest intensive and the rest lifestyle
and now another rest intensive.
So every time it's like moving into rest at a deeper level,
but you have to still now,
and now you're at a deeper level,
but now you're encountering new degrees
and new thresholds to have to cross
and kind of like different situations,
and it hurts a little different
and all of that kind of thing,
but you still have to apply the same principles
at this lower level.
You still, and then, so she's going through it again
so that she can apply the same principles now
to new deeper levels that have been exposed.
So the nice thing is that,
again, back to my point that I made the other day
on Saturday or Sunday,
that in God, in the kingdom of God, everything is simple.
It's just, it's the same answer to all the questions.
And so it's just that we keep what we're used to
having been taught by the kingdom of the world,
that every little nuanced situation
has a different special, unique answer just for it.
Like every difficult question has a special, unique answer,
meaning that the problems and the solutions
to those problems are always very complex.
So there's this huge, very complicated system
that we all have to learn and memorize
and whatever.
And we expect the kingdom of God to work like that,
and it doesn't.
The kingdom of God is just like, nope,
same answer every time.
Do you, what have I said?
And to like, who is God?
And then what to,
and then to what degree is he is that?
Is he that?
And then who did he say that we are?
And then to what degree does he say that we're that?
It's everything always comes back to,
he loves us and we're united with him.
And every answer honestly stems from that.
We just keep making it more complicated
because we've been taught to logically problem solve
through complexity.
And so it's a lot.
Anyway, so if we just,
if it frees us up a lot to realize,
oh my goodness, the kingdom of God is very, very simple.
You just apply the same principles
to the variety of millions and billions
of situations here on earth.
And you have very simple solutions to all of them
because the solutions are that powerful.
They're powerful to cover not only the plethora
of circumstances, but the variety of degrees.
Some of them are very easy
and then some of them are extremely difficult
and painful, gut-wrenching and soul-dividing or whatever,
however you would have phrased that.
I don't mean like literal soul-dividing,
but just challenging, just heart-rending.
But those solutions from the principles
of the kingdom of God apply in all of them.
So anyway, that's my point in to address
what it is you were talking about, about the rest,
about how to shift into like in rest
and that this time it seems like different or harder.
We can think that, okay, well now I've got this thing down.
That was foundational.
Now I need something different in order to keep going.
And what's hard is sometimes is we find it challenging
to apply the same simple principles
to these deeper things too.
Why?
Because facing these things is just as hard
as facing these were.
And we keep thinking, oh, well, this was the hard.
part. So I just expect it to be easier now. Speaking it is, and here's what, here's the
element in which it's, it's easier. The longer that you have this history with the Lord, where
you continue to step out in faith and he continues to be faithful, the easier it is to step out in
faith. Because you, because you're more and more sure that every single time you step out into the
unknown, he's always going to, you're always going to be, God is always going to reveal an
aspect of himself. He's always going to be there, but no matter how old we get, we always have to
still step out into the unknown. It's never eventually known. It's still always unknown.
But so that part is always just as hard. The letting go of the, of the other thing is always
just as hard. The thing that's easy, it becomes easier is it becomes easier in a manner of
speaking to let this go, because you counter it with this. I know for sure that if I step out in
faith in this new area with the Lord, that he is going to be faithful as he always was in all these
other times. So it's easier to have faith, but you still have to let the thing go. And that's what we
find so hard. We don't want to let this go so that we always have to do. And that's always hard,
but the faith part becomes easier because we built history with God or he's built history with us.
He was always there when we stepped out and before we're like, I really don't know if he's going to
be there. And the longer that we do it and the more that we do it, and the more we find he's
always there, the easier it is to continue to, as time goes on to step out into the unknown and to
risk. So that's how it's a, it's a, it's, it's both. It's always just as hard and painful to, to die, to let
that thing go, but it does become easier to trust him as we develop, as God develops a track record
with us of always coming through. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, so Annette, that's you.
Oh, wow. Um, I I'll have to go back and like, I haven't seen all of the videos yet, so I'm going
to do that from now until like next time, but then I just go on the platform and just,
do I click on the Zoom on the same way or no? No, the Zoom is gone. You just, I've replaced
them all with the actual videos. Oh, okay. Videos that, not the recording of us all together,
but the actual recording of the teachings. Yeah. Those are all on there.
And below it, I've, I put all of the things because Karen asked for me to include the chat.
I did include my chat and notes in there underneath each video. Yeah.
Thanks. So generous of you though, to give us like an access.
You're welcome. I hope it's, I hope it's useful to everyone.
Oh yeah, for sure. I think, I mean, there's just so many things to unpack.
Oh yeah, for sure. I think, I mean, there's just so many things to unpack and there's so many things
that I have to, I think part of me is just thinking, wow, I have a really far, like I'm,
I have a long way to go. Uh, it's what, like to, to understand, but I think some of the things I'm
sitting with right now is, so what I mean with that is, um, I don't know if, um, I, I mentioned
in one of like the, the chats, I think, um, on the rest, um, intensive, but one of my friends
in the States just, um, she was supposed to have a baby shower. Uh, we're all supposed to be there
this week, like this weekend. And then they canceled it and they couldn't find a heartbeat.
And she actually, yeah, she gave birth and it was stillborn and they were like praying
resurrection life over him and everything for like over a day. It was like, um, but,
but then I see like the level of faith, like, I, I just like what you've been teaching and they're
just like, oh, but God is still good. Like in all of it. And I was like, man, like, I'm like,
you're such a true daughter. Like, I, I don't know how you do that, you know? So in it's in
that context, I'm like, I'm so far away from like being there. Um, and, um, so, so I'd love to like,
yeah. Um, but, but I think like once you're like really at rest and understand who you are and
everything, it's, it's like, it's, there's something that I don't, um, yeah, that I have
still to understand. Cause I think like Renata knows with me as well is that I feel like, um,
I'm, how do I say that? Well, I, I think I've narrowed it down to feeling like I,
I feel like God is withholding from me. Um, and so I need to understand like, how, how do I like
really let that go? And then at the same time, as you let things go, like, how do you
you let things go at the same time as you can hold like prophetic words or promises
or, you know, cause I feel like that's kind of like my, I, I loved how you said, oh, it's
not our destiny to like, um, have a business or get married or, you know, like all of these
things.
Cause obviously those are definitely things that I want, you know?
And then I think in that, um, kind of, um, super short, like testimony, I've like, we're
doing it.
I've been like friends for many, many years.
And she prayed for me, she prayed for me for like 17 years.
Um, and, um, I feel like I, it looked like from the outside, I had it all together a
great job, you know, and I was engaged to be married, all of these things.
And then everything crumbled.
I called off the wedding, um, my thing to God before that, because I was, I was always
speaking to God.
But I remember I was at that time I was smoking, I was standing outside and I was smoking and
I was thinking, or I was saying, God, if this doesn't work out, I'll become a Christian,
I swear.
And, um, it doesn't work out.
So I'm like, well, I guess, you know, and, and then it's just like, it was like this
whole new world opened up because I remember another time I'd been thinking like, oh, well,
if I want to be a leader, I probably have to be a Christian or something.
And then when I was like, oh my gosh, there's this whole world I didn't even know existed.
What is going on, you know, in this crazy world, um, of people.
And then, and then it's been like a crazy journey of like, I've, I've gotten to meet
a lot of people like that.
I shouldn't like Renata knows this too, like people I shouldn't meet.
So I know, so it's so strange to me that I feel like God is withholding because other
people would probably be like, but oh my gosh, you're like friends with Heidi's daughter
and you've been to Mozambique and been like filming her and like all of these things.
And you end up in like the staff meeting at Bethel and like sit and pray with Bill and
them and, and you like meet these, um, all of a sudden you're stumbling into like this
whole thing and like Hollywood and you're meeting all these directors and it's like,
it's like crazy.
But to me, I'm just like, yeah, but I'm still here not doing anything.
You know, like I have no idea, like why am I meeting these people?
Like what am I doing?
You know?
And it's like, and I gave it all up and I did all this and I'm still not married and
I'm still like not happy with what I'm doing for, you know?
So I'm generally just like discontent, you know?
And then I beat myself up about it cause I get really super frustrated cause I should
be thankful for what, you know, and, and, and I mean, and, and God has really been faithful
and, and I'm like, and given me like peace that passes all understanding.
And it's like, I've had some crazy things happen in my life, you know, like, and, and
now I just lost my dad like last, like this, um, like a little over half a year ago.
And um, so, so it's, I mean, he's really been there in like all of these things, but it's
like all this drama attached to it.
And so I think where I am now is like, oh, why am I there?
And how, like, why do I feel like he's withholding?
Um, and then, okay.
And then honestly, part of me is like, oh, then I just want to be able to release it
cause then I can have it all.
And then I'm like, well, and then if I don't get it, you know, cause then it's been like
that kind of like disappointment cause I think I've put a, I've thought it was going
to look at some way just because of prophetic words or whatever, you know what I mean?
Or like how God speaks, obviously I know he like builds character and he does all of these
things.
And, and even now it's like, I feel like the way he talks to me, he can't speak clearly
cause I would just run.
So he'll like give me a sense of something.
So I'm like, ah, I feel like, so now I just changed jobs, you know, in the middle of like
this grieving process, which probably wasn't the smartest thing to do.
But I have full piece, even though I'm freaking out, cause I'm like, can't really don't understand
how to do this job or why I'm even there.
But I feel like it's, it's a step towards something else.
And so I'm here like trying to, how do I just like let it go, be at rest and just like float
along on, you know what I mean?
And so how do I, I don't know if this makes sense, but I think at the core, I'm like,
I would love to just be like, God, I trust you with everything.
And like what you say, like with the authority and, and part of me does.
And then part of me, I think it's just like wishful thinking, or I feel like it's been
like wishful thing thinking.
And I'm like, why hasn't more things happened?
Or why am I looking at things the wrong way?
Or so, yeah, I guess, how do you let it go and live in rest and then hold on to promises
at the same time?
out, giving it up to get those promises. If that makes sense.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. So many things I was thinking of so many things. I wish I had a
notepad. I could just like, Oh, you know, so, you know, but I, what I do is I just kind of leave
these things to Lord of like, okay, Lord, just bring to my remembrance. Anything that needs to
be. One thing is, please note that you are very entrusted by God. That's why, you know,
all those people, not any, not just anyone is allowed by God to have access to those people,
because when you're with those people, you bring in a particular aspect of his presence,
particular aspect of his spirit, and you are around theirs. And so that's a trust issue,
you know, with you and the Lord, meaning like a good thing, a good trust. So there's that you're,
you're entrusted by him with them, you know, because he, he does just like he loves and
honors you, you know, he loves and honors them as well. And so he's allowing you all of that.
And the, the other thing is that, you know, you're saying, well, you know, I know I should,
I don't remember the word you use, but basically, you know, that I should be,
I should be grateful. I shouldn't feel like God is withholding something from me. And yet I still
do. And that's because we intrinsically don't believe that God really, that we really are
something of value, that we really are something that God loves that he treasures that he something
that's very important that he cherishes, like I said, that he loves, etc. And, and therefore,
we're always feeling really bad about ourselves. And so therefore, that's why we have this feeling
that God is always withholding something from us is this sense of like, I should be grateful for
what I have, but same time, I feel like, God, why aren't you giving me all of these other things?
You must not love me. Or, you know, if you love me Lord, because of course you're not a liar and
you say that you love me and you're always good and you always do the right thing. It must therefore
be me. Hence, you know, I'm not good enough. So God's just loving me because while he just has to,
or, you know, he just made himself or he's trying not to look at me and just like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That one. Yeah. I'll give her a lot. I'll give her a lot of love or whatever, but I don't want to have
to look with, look at her, deal with her, you know, interact with her or whatever. And so that is where
this feeling comes of like, God's God's actually not good, or he's not good to me. That feeling
of withholding. I want something, God, why won't you love me? Because that's what all of those
things mean to us. If I'm married or if I may get to be a singer, if I get to be an actor, if I get,
I'm going to make and step up, or if I get to travel or if I get to whatever, if I get to do
these things that I really want to do, or get to have these things I really want to have that shows
God's favor. And so, since I don't have those things that apparently does it. So this is our
formula, you know, in our mind. So, um, and I had the same thing as you heard from my testimony that
I, the way that I came crashing down was, uh, I had this list of things that I wanted and God was
withholding them is what I thought. Uh, I wanted to get married when I have children, wanted to
have a house when I have minivan went into go, wanted to do all the things that I watched other
churchy women do in the, in the, in the Southern culture that I grew up in while they had potlucks
and they did this and they had, you know, small group night and they had this and they interacted
with each other like this. And there was predictability and there was safety and everybody's
nice. And there's these rules of society. And if you learn the rules, well, then you all just kind
of like flow along and, and then you get to be a housewife and then you're getting, you're
recognized by, you know, by being a housewife. And then during mother's day, you get to, you know,
your kids like make stuff for you during Sunday school. I mean, stuff that other people just kind
of live. I dreamed about, and I would hold all of these things before the Lord. And since I wasn't
seeing any of them come to pass, except in everybody else's life, but mine, then it must be,
I'm the problem. And so I felt God was withholding me from me. And so it's kind of like, which comes
first, the chicken or the egg, but I feel that he's withholding from me because, because he doesn't
love me, you know, but then also, well, it's because he doesn't love me, but he's withholding,
you know, it's like, you know, I'm not really sure which belief I had first, but, but anyway,
so I, I definitely, you know, can definitely understand, definitely can relate in my own
unique way, my relationship with the Lord, but that's why we can feel that, you know,
that kind of withholding.
holding. So my point is that if we do what, you know, we're not,
it was talking about at the beginning, she said, I didn't,
I didn't know it could be this easy. I didn't know. All I had
to do was choose. I thought I had to try. I thought I had to
change. I thought I had to be the one to do something. And all
I had to do was just to allow it to be. So in other words, to
intentionally, intentionally allow and risk, you know, you
know, emotionally risk myself on something God said that it
actually that I chose that it's reality, then it finally became
reality. She said, then she finally felt God love her. And
that's how it happens. So we finally experienced the things
after we choose that this is who God says that he is, we finally
get to experience him as that he says that he loves me, so I'm
going to choose it, then we finally get to experience God's
love, not just feel it. But like, you'll start seeing it
everywhere, or I choose that God is good. And then finally, you
start seeing his goodness everywhere, including in the
things that you used to not call those things, God's goodness
used to call those things, him withholding, or, you know, or, I
don't know, punishment, sometimes or whatever, we
suddenly start seeing actually who God really is, who it is
that we've chosen that he says that he is, we start seeing it
actually manifest. So anyway, that's how we can actually deal
with it at a root level. And then you were talking about,
about like, just about how to how to let those things go. And
that it's, like I said, the answer is really always the same
answer. So he's that we choose that God is who he says that he
is to the degree he says he's that. So if he says he's love,
then we can say, Oh, yeah, yeah, I believe he's love. Yeah. But
if we believe he's love, and God says, No, I'm love, we need
to believe him to the degree he says that. We also need to
believe that what he says about us is true. And it's wild, if
we get back to those basic things, and we choose those
things about him, you choose that what he says is true,
really is true, we get to experience it. So anyway, I'm
touching on multiple things as they come to mind. But the last
thing is, and it's the probably most important point to make is
that you were talking about, what do we do about like
promises, you know, promises that he's made prophecies that
he's, that people have spoken over us that people felt, you
know, that they heard from him, and, and, you know, probably
really did hear from him, you know, I'm not disregarding him
at all. But point is, it's like, you know, there's these things
that he said. And, and, but what God showed me, because I had the
same thing, I had things that a promise that God had made to me,
that at least, you know, that I believe that he had, and he, and
but it wasn't being fulfilled. And it's one of those things
where in order, the promise was that it would be fulfilled
during my lifetime, and it wasn't happening. And that's
what was so weird. So it's not like, what God promised Abraham
or whatever, oh, I will make a view of many nations, whatever.
And it says, you know, in the Hall of Fame, or sorry, Hall of
Faith, it mentions, you know, in Hebrews 11, that all these
people had all this faith, and at the end, they never got to
see the fulfillment of the promises. And we're always like,
Lord, you know, I really do want to be someone special who
believes you, but I really would like to experience the promises
in my lifetime. Anyway,
the land of the living.
Yeah, I know. So I told him, I was like, Lord, you know, what
do I do with this promise? You know, because I knew that I was
hurting so bad, because this promise wasn't being fulfilled.
And I'm telling you what, I was hurting so bad, I'd had
something, some things happen, and my heart was hurt so much.
And I didn't know what to do with all the hurt. And I thought,
yeah, you do, Ashley, you're, you need to let it go, you need
to be the all of this pain is indicative of certain things
that you're believing or not believing about God. And you've
got to let all of that animosity between you and God or
that, that doubt and that fear and that all of that you've got
to let that go. And I am so so I started letting everything go
and and I just lay down and so I could just concentrate between
me and the Lord no distractions. And then I asked the whole and
then the Lord just guided me by spirit about what to let go
about how I was feeling about different things, you know, so I
had this situation, you know, and then God was just walking me
through it. And it wasn't like a thing that happened. It's just
like this whole encompassing thing that lasted like two years
or something. And so God was having me like, let different
things go that came to mind, and he would bring him something
else to mind. And I saw I'd let that go. I couldn't. And by this
time, I knew how to let something go.
I knew the difference between saying, between wanting to let something go and actually truly
letting the thing go.
Like I could no longer hold on to it anymore.
I can no longer pick it up because I put it on the altar and now it's dead.
Kind of a thing.
There's no, there's no resurrecting.
Only God can resurrect it at this point.
You know, there's no taking it back and taking it home.
I've let it go to that extent.
So anyway, so I did all of that until I get to a particular point where I said, wait just
a second, God.
We've gotten down to everything except the fact that you said, you gave me this promise.
You promised this.
So I'm assuming Lord that that, that the promise I'm not supposed to let go of.
And he said, no, that's not true.
I was like, that doesn't make any sense, Lord.
I thought you said that the promise needs to be held on to and he said, no, actually
I, the maker of the promise, the one whose character expressed itself and verbalized
itself as a promise.
That is who you hold on to.
You don't have faith in the promise.
You have faith in the one that made the promise, let the promise go.
It was like, that doesn't make any sense, but I'm like, I risked it and it was hard
because I was a heart desire of mine.
And I actually let the promise go.
I'd been holding onto that promise for two years and I let it go.
And there was a tremendous amount of freedom in there.
And I'm telling you what God began to move in that area of my life.
Once I let that thing go and the thing that God, and that it's hard to describe it.
That thing that he promised isn't at least in the way that I understood the promise is
not what happened.
So and, and, but what I did it, but that aspect in that area of my, in that area of my life,
things finally began to move because I finally let that thing go.
And so what I did is I just hold onto the Lord.
I'm like, Lord, so basically it's got, think of it kind of like this promises, prophecies
or whatever God is saying, child, I'm trying to communicate something to you.
And, and so I speak Greek and you speak English.
Or let's think of it like this.
Think of it as if we're a child and I'm not trying to make us feel immature in this conversation.
It's just that this'll help us give it, have a, make a good picture of it.
So say for instance, that, that you want to reward a child and you want to let them know
how much you love them.
Well, you're not going to get them a like, say if they're, if they're five, you know,
you're not going to give them, I don't know, a Porsche, a Porsche, you're not going to
give them a Porsche or anything because they can't.
And I was trying to think of some other example, even besides this, because they can't value
it.
They they're, they're like, well, I don't care.
Say for instance, if there are three and you give them a car, they don't, they don't understand
it.
They can't, they can't do anything with that.
But if you give them ice cream, now that they got, they're like, oh my word, this is so
cool.
Daddy loves me.
You know?
So basically it's like speaking their language.
It's giving them something in their value system.
And so that's what the Lord does with us.
He's like, child, I know what's important to you.
I am trying to communicate something of myself and how I think about you, how I feel about
you.
So let me give you this.
But the thing is that God said, the whole point is to communicate something about myself
to you.
And I'm using this as a form of communication.
So don't grab ahold of the communication is that that was the important thing.
The whole point of this was to express something about who I am.
So you'd finally get it.
Because if I gave you a Porsche, you wouldn't understand it, but have you give you ice cream,
you now understand, oh, I love you.
So we're supposed to hold on to what it is that God is saying in the promise, not the
promise itself.
So what we have a tendency to do is we see that is, is God gives us the promise and we're
like, oh, this is so exciting.
And now we've taken our eyes off the Lord and like, this is wonderful.
Why haven't you made it happen yet?
And so now what we do is we take this beautiful gift that God meant to communicate us to a
something wonderful about himself so that we would keep looking at him like, oh, my
goodness, Lord, you're this good.
You've loved me this much.
You see how this is now always looking at God and focusing on that as opposed to, oh,
this is wonderful.
I love it.
You know, where are we taking our eyes off the Lord?
And because like I said, he wants us to understand something about himself, but what we have
a tendency to do is to grab a promise or a prophecy about our future or whatever, or current.
And then we use it to attack God, to attack his character, God, why aren't you good enough
to have made it happen yet?
It's been 10 years, there's been 20 years.
We now use it as our means of accusing him instead of, instead of the way that he meant
it, which was to keep our, which was to reveal something about himself.
We now use it in accusation against him that he's not giving us something of himself.
So anyway, that's the, that's the thing about like promises and, and in prophecies, it's
kind of like, we just always keep our hands open in a river.
And if you like think of the river, like is in like the river of the, like the spirit
or whatever, and you just kind of keep your hands in the water, could you get to experience
so much of the river that way?
Because more water keeps coming down downstream, you know, and flowing in and around your fingers
and over your hands and whatever.
And then more water comes and then more water comes.
You get to experience all of this because you're no longer, you're, you're not in control
and you're not trying to grab a hold of or claim any of it.
Now you get to experience all of it.
But as soon as you start doing this, all of the water now comes out of your hands.
You know, if you do this and try to lift it up out of the water, cause you're like, oh,
I want to make sure that I don't lose this part because I really like this.
I like the circumstances scenario situation that I'm in, or this person that's in my life
or this, whatever.
And as soon as we do that, we start killing it because life in order for spirit to continue
to be spirit, his spirit has life in it.
It has to continue to move.
So as soon as we get something from the Lord and get it to stop moving, it dies.
But anyway, so that's the same thing with like a promise or a prophecy.
If we start, if we, if we start to claim it and grab a hold of it, instead of allowing
ourselves to just experience whatever it is, the movement of God in fulfilling and making
the promise, taking us through the journey towards the promise, fulfilling the promise,
whatever.
If we start doing this, we kill it.
We stop it coming, or we even flat out stop it happening.
We actually create a, we, we, there's a spiritual death that occurs.
So anyway, does that help?
Yeah, no.
Yeah.
It makes sense.
It's just, I feel like I've laid down so many of the things that I'm like, oh, I don't even
know what my dream is anymore.
You know what I mean?
It's kind of like that purpose depression kind of a thing.
Like, you know, I don't know if you're aware, like, do you know Terri Savelle Floyd here
from Texas?
Do you know?
Okay.
I call her Barbie.
She's great though.
She's a preacher.
I think she's like Kenneth Copeland and like that kind of thing.
I think so.
So that's where I was like, I'm like, okay, but that, cause that's kind of like, well,
that's for another time.
Cause now that you're paying, I'm like, oh, that's probably more on like maybe a soul
level, you know?
But cause I feel like they're like doing their vision lists and then it's like, okay, sewing
into the promise and grabbing hold of like a Bible verse that works toward it.
And then you see like all of these things come to pass, you know, which I'm like, okay,
which can probably happen, you know, but maybe that's on like a soul, soul realm then maybe.
I don't want to make a judgment call about this.
So I'm just going to point out to a principle that could be going on.
So there's a way to do what you're talking about in absolute spiritual oneness with the
Lord and, and all of that, but the other danger in that, or at least in immature people, grabbing
a hold of what maybe these preachers are not actually saying.
So I have no idea what's going on.
So that's my point is like, I'm just hearing something and I'm like, okay, well, there's
two different ways that can work.
It can be actually godly and spiritual, but then it can also be used kind of like the
spirit, like a, like a Christian law of attraction where it's actually working really, really,
really hard for something.
So in other words, you're sweating for something, but you're trying, but you're using all of
the godly, godly things you're using the Bible, you're using a verse, you're, you're claiming
it and holding it before God.
And then it's demanding it of him as opposed to allowing it and then saying, God, I'm trying
to get a transaction from you formula, but I'm calling it, believing you, I'm calling
it, having faith in what you said, I'm calling it, uh, believing your word, but really if
we keep, if we keep, if there's a desperateness in it and it means that we doubt that it's
going to come.
That's why we're desperate.
Or we can, we're sweating for it.
We're striving for it.
That's the problem is the source from which it's being done.
So that's why I'm like, I can't make a judgment call about this.
I really don't know, but, but so what you're
talking about is you're simply talking about tools.
So it simply depends on how they're teaching that, how you use the tool.
That's the problem is how are we using tools?
Do we use them in faith in the Lord, believing that, you know, he's doing it
or, and those tools just partnering with this, or do we think that we're
powerless without the tool?
That's the problem.
So it's all about the how, as opposed to so much, what we're doing, kind of like
watching TV or watching the internet.
There's nothing wrong with the TV or the internet, kind of like those tools,
nothing wrong with any of them.
How are we using them?
That's the problem anyway, which is another reason why it's really hard to
judge people because it, because we, we, you have to be able to see their heart.
You have to be able to see the spirit.
I think they're definitely doing it from, from the right place.
And like all of that things, it's just, to me, I'm like, wow, like, yeah.
It just amazes me.
But I think I've, I've just, God's let me see so, so many people that have
done so many great things.
And I'm like, oh, at this point, the last thing he told me was like, I'm
not asking you to give up the dream.
I'm just asking you to surrender it.
So that's where I'm like, okay, well, I'm surrendering it.
Um, I'm trying, I'm trying, I think this is what this is.
I'm trying to surrender or something, but, but then in that midst, I'm like,
yeah, I think it's the, the feeling of wanting to have like a really fulfilled
life where it's like, oh, it doesn't have to look a certain way necessarily.
Um, but, um, yeah.
And you will, and we get a fulfilled life through choosing God over lifestyle
and choosing God and his character and that he reveal and manifest
that character into our life.
So it's God's character that creates our life.
And we saw what happened with Jesus when that, when he did that, we saw how hard
his life was and that eventually he suffered and died.
So we, we saw that, but the thing is that through the whole
thing, God was expressing his love.
So in other words, we're choosing God, not how, not how his character.
Manifests.
Yeah.
We're choosing his character, not the manifestation.
And, um, and so, and we continue to, and we just continue to make that choice.
And when we do that, we actually, we actually become fulfilled
because here's the thing.
We can't enjoy something that we need.
So if we really need it in our life, if we really need our life to be fleshed
out by particular milestones or whatever, it actually can't
fulfill us because we need it.
So we're not free to enjoy it.
And so it's really an oxymoron that God will give us things
when we no longer need it.
God had, God had me get married when I no longer needed to be.
I was hurt.
I was finally perfectly fine to not be married in bed.
I was having so much fun and I was like, this is amazing.
This is great.
I'm so glad I'm finally here.
And then God brought my husband because he's like, now you no longer need it.
Um, but there were other times where I thought I didn't need it until I got,
until I would go to a wedding or I'd go to a baby shower or whatever.
And that old resentment towards the Lord would come up and
God's like, you still need it.
So finally, when I really no longer needed it because I got my
fulfillment in the Lord, everything else was just bonus.
Everything else was extra.
And now God's like, okay, now I can entrust you with living
your life in a totally different way.
So I ended up living the opposite of what it is that I'd asked him for.
I ended up living on the road with hardly anything, you know, just living by faith.
And, uh, you know, not having a house, not having a family, not having whatever.
And I was living the exact opposite of anything that I'd ever wanted.
And, but yet I was living out the true desire that God had placed in
my heart and I was fulfilled by him.
And so I was like, this is amazing.
And then since then, God brought my husband and God brought whatever.
So we'll get that fulfillment by finally letting go of all of the
stuff that we're currently using to.
To kind of like provide for our soul in particular areas.
If we choose to allow God to prove, um, and, and move into prove himself and
move into those places in our soul, um, to fulfill them, um, if we do that,
then he really does, he really does fulfill them.
We're really fine.
And then he's like, okay, now that you no longer need these things,
Hey, let's create, let, let me show you what kind of a life that I wanted
to make out of my character in you.
And, um, so anyway, but it's that taking the journey there.
It all sounds in theory.
It all sounds great.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
I wish I'll do that, but we actually do have to take those
hearts desires before the Lord.
And we finally have to let things go.
And that's hard because it is a death because what we have to choose is that.
is finally safe when we haven't wanted to believe, when we haven't been able to believe he was safe
to this point, or that he's loved, and we haven't been able to believe to this point that he was
loved. In other words, we finally have to be vulnerable. It's more than just a, it's more
than just a choice in a manner of speaking. That choice has to come with, is the only way to choose
is if we're vulnerable. That's the only way in which we can make a choice. It's the only state
of being in which we can be to make a choice is vulnerability. We can't make a choice and be
protected. We have to make a choice and there with, without any protection whatsoever. And it
puts us in a place to experience, for God to basically prove to us through experience that
he really does, that he really is safe. Because there was nothing that we, that would prevent him
from taking us out. Yeah. I think that's my, I think that's my like little issue, like that I
have to grab a hold onto and fully understand. Because I'm like, I think Jim Carrey said,
I wish everybody could be like rich and famous because then they'd understand that's not where
it's at. Like, that's not what you want. And I think I'm there like, that's like, I know that,
but I'm like, oh, I think Renata told me, oh, but what if, because I'm like, well, there has to be
like a purpose. She's like, well, what, you know, your purpose is just to be here and be loved by
God. I'm like, that is so boring. You know, like my life has to be like something more than just
like me. Like I can't just be created for, for like him to like, love me. Like, I mean, that's
just like, wow, that's exciting. Yeah. That sounds really bad, but you know what I mean? Like, I'm
just like, it has to like, it can look so great and look without comparing like that, but I'm
like, oh, wow. I love seeing people creating these movements and, you know, like having all these
things with, with, uh, helping other people, you know, where their passion becomes unlocking
somebody else's destiny too. And it's just like this, this explosion of just like, I'm like, oh,
that's so exciting. Like I would love for something like that to happen, you know? And it's like, oh.
Yeah. So in, in, in order to get there, we have to give at the, the, the kind of like the fruit
or how it ends up looking like, and we have to give it up. And then we, then we basically like
shifts us into operating from our spirit. And then it's from our spirit that this flood of
creativity and this flood of life and fire and passion that, that we've never prior to this,
we've literally never accessed or experienced. That is the place from which this whole other
thing that this, that this part of life was being, that life was being like taken up with
this other thing, this other solace thing. Once it's let go, I haven't moved out of the way.
Finally, this thing comes in and completely fills it, blows it out of the water and expands. But
what we're having to do is we're having to risk that if we let this go, that there's going to be
a life fulfillment or a life purpose, and that we're actually going to fill it and all of that.
Cause right now it feels that no, my only solace is that I'd be able to fill it. If I hold on to
this and what we're having to risk is that it'll come if we let this go and we no longer can pick
it back up. Because there's one thing if like we put it down and we're like, Oh, well I could just
grab it later. But God's like, no, burn the bridge, risk yourself on me that much that if I say
you'll be fulfilled, that you really will be, but you have to let go of ever getting this again.
And, and because he's, that's why faith is talked so much about in the Bible. And that's why I have
the rest intensive is because it's this hard. It all sounds good in theory, but how do we do the
dadgum thing? That's what we do. That's Christian cursing in Texas. It's not really, it's not really
cursing, but we always joke about it. Anyway, it's like that. It's like, how do you do it?
And that's why God has to talk about faith. It's to the extent that he does because it's
that hard. If there's everything in us that, that has built to strive to survive and struggle
against that, because this feels like death. And so we're the survival is ingrained in a human at
a very deep level. And we're going to do everything that we can to, to, to keep ourselves together
and to avoid this. And God says, yeah, but this is where I will prove that, that you're always
resurrected in spirit and you'll never die again. Like you have whatever, whatever you die to,
and you give and you surrender to the Lord, you won't ever have to do it again. So people talk
about, about the fact of, Oh, you might keep having to surrender it. That's not true. You
keep having to either surrender to deeper and deeper.
levels, like, oh, well, you'd surrender this much, or you never surrendered it at all.
And you just thought that you did, and you hoped you did, and you believed that you should.
So the good thing is, so the reason that I say that is we can know that if we truly surrendered
something to the Lord, that is the flesh that really did die, was resurrected and replaced
his spirit and spirit can never die. That's a principle. Spirit can never die. So it's an
aspect of you that is being transfigured. Kind of like Jesus's body was transfigured. It was
the same body he died in, but it was now spirit, can move through walls, was no longer governed
by science, but could operate within science. It could eat, it could walk, but he didn't have to
if he didn't want to. So it's different aspects of yourself that are being transformed into spirit.
And God promises that when something dies in him and is resurrected, it has to die in him.
It doesn't die in him. It's dead. If it dies in him, he promises that it always, always,
always without exception will be resurrected and that it will be resurrected. This time is spirit.
And that, that spirit, that aspect of spirit, that aspect of you literally will never have to
be presented to the Lord to die again, ever. It's finally done. So you don't have to like,
try to, you know, go, that's why we don't go around the mountain over and over and over again
to like, we surrender the same thing. We've already done it. We're just either doing it at
deeper measures or you can think of it as going up higher around the mountain, you know, whichever
direction you want to think of it as going deeper into the issue or you're getting closer and closer
to the Lord. So anyway, before we go, is that helpful? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I still have
to grasp it, but I, yeah. Yeah. I will, I will get it. You're great. You're fine. I'm just,
just let me just kind of like, yeah, like it makes sense, but I'm like, I want it. Now,
how do I do it? Oh, I know. I know exactly. And that's kind of like, that's the thing where
you allow all of these things. Remember we're all with each other for six weeks. Allow these things
to just these questions and these struggles before the Lord to come up. Remember what God
called Israel. God can name his son in as firstborn son, anything he wanted. And he said,
I will call you Israel, which means he, who struggles with God, God finds struggling with
him to be a mark of intimacy with him. Yes. He's like, instead of turning your back on me,
you're wrestling it out with me in order to dad gun fight for the relationship.
So God loves the struggle. He loves the, the facing it off with him and saying, okay, God,
you know, help me with this. But God eventually says, you need to release, you need to let go,
you can struggle with me, but you eventually have to surrender to me, you know, in the fight.
And so anyway, you know, you just do that, continue to bring that before the Lord,
because logic won't convince you or change you into rest, experiencing and meeting with your
God will make him a choice. Okay, God, between you and me, this is what I choose. And, and so
anyway, you just kind of go through that process with him. And then eventually though, you will
just have to kind of make, make the decision of what it is that you're going to choose.
But remember what you choose is not a belief system. What you're choosing is God himself
and what he said about him. What did he tell you that he is? And then you choose that thing,
not, well, what are these concepts that Ashley's talking about? Let's see whether or not I believe
them. That's not what you're fighting for. You're like, God, what are you revealing in my spirit
about you that these things actually saying is just bringing up conversation with you.
What are you saying, Lord? And then that is what I'm going to choose about you because it's his
presence and his character that will take down the walls within us. And that will transform us.
And so that's how you just kind of go on this process. And remember, don't fight the journey.
The more that you fight is that resistance and the longer that it's going to take to go through.
Because you can only finally win when you stop the resistance. So just allow yourself to go
through the journey, the way that it is instead of judging how you're doing the journey. Yeah.
Is that will take it longer to go through the more it's kind of like, okay, just let myself be that.
I'm a little angry at God right now, or I'm resentful, or I'm afraid. Allow yourself to go
through all of that. So it can come up and out and everything will move a lot faster. The more that
you feel and the more that you face, the faster you will shift. So anyway, in fact, I I've got
some testimonies from a lady who did one of the rest intensives that shifted probably the fastest
that anyone has ever shifted in the rest intensive because she was that desperate.
She was willing to face all of her feelings and feel everything fully and wrestle it out with God.
And she had major shifts within two weeks, like lifetime transformation in two weeks.
than that, but I just, you know, mentioned two weeks to be a little conservative.
I mean, I received that for myself.
Well, we've gone a bit every time, but I wanted to make sure that we
kind of flush all this out, but it's good to get to see y'all.
And are you, how are you doing with the moving?
Are you on track?
Thanks.
Uh, yeah.
Moving tomorrow.
So I'm still packing.
Um, and, uh, we're my, I finally undecorated the tree.
My husband's got to take out the Christmas tree.
And then actually right now I'm going to go down to his office
and help him pack up his office.
So yeah.
Tomorrow's the day, but thanks for asking.
It's very sweet.
The packing is going well and yeah, just keep going at it.
Are you recording this recording?
Will it be put on this side or?
Okay.
So not on the old side.
The old side.
Oh yeah.
Not in the Facebook group.
Yeah.
In the platform.
But this is not the same as enter his dot rest.
Is it the same, like the platform we used before?
Just, uh, yeah, no, it won't be in that one.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
It's okay.
So it is still enter his dot rest, but it's members dot enter his dot rest.
So it's, that's the platform in which you're seeing, you were
able to watch all the videos.
That's where all the recordings are going to be.
I'm going to upload these and then have it as like one of those little things,
you know, that'll say like the rest retreat, only this will probably say
something like fireside chats or international fireside chats or whatever.
We're going to get to see y'all's recordings, just like y'all
are going to get to see theirs.
Yeah.
Because y'all, because remember y'all would be in the rest group with them.
If y'all were on the same time zone.
So it allows y'all to get to keep up with each other so that you get encouraged by,
okay, other people are going through this too.
And a lot of people get to be encouraged on their journey because they're
struggling when they hear the questions that y'all ask and like vice versa.
So everybody gets to see everything.
So, yeah.
Thank you for going over time in the midst of your life.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, you're welcome.
I just mentioned that it was over time so that y'all would know I was aware of it.
And I was trying to answer questions that be, um, that be, uh, uh, that
be honoring of y'all's time.
Cause I know that y'all need to go to bed.
All right.
Well, I will see y'all next time.
See you next time.
Good luck tomorrow.
Thank you.
Drive safe.
We'll do.
Yeah.
Bye.