Okay, all right, so first of all, does anyone have any questions?
If you don't have anything at this moment, I've got some questions that have come in
and I can start with those.
Does anyone have anything off the top of their head that they know of?
They're pretty good.
Okay, all right, so I'll start with these other questions then.
And in the meantime, I'm just going to mute everyone because it helps on the recording
for it to not feedback on the recording.
Otherwise I don't care if anyone's muted or not, but I noticed two years ago when I started
doing the rest intensive that the recording sounded really bad and I thought, why?
And then I realized it's because people have me on their speaker and I have them on my
speaker that the computer or zoom doesn't know who's the active speaker.
And so it'll kind of like muffle the recording and then it's hard to hear people later when
you rewatch it.
Okay, so, um, let's see, here is the first question.
Oops.
Okay, uh, all right.
So this is an interesting one.
I've never gotten this before, and then I've gotten it twice in one week or at twice within
like, I don't know, like 48 hours of each other once from someone I don't know on Facebook
and then, um, that just, I don't know, follows me and then asked me this question.
And then once from, um, a member of the rest intensive, they asked, I think I've, uh, let's
see here, um, wondering, uh, saying that the, that the teaching, um, some of the stuff they're
hearing in the teaching sounds Gnostic to them.
And so they were, so they were wanting to, some clarification, they said it probably
is, uh, let's see, I think it's because in other words, I think it sounds like this sounds
like Gnosticism because it's so focused on the spirit and that the spiritual is seemingly
quote better than the soul and body, for instance, the teaching about 30, 60 and a hundred fold.
And what I've learned is a holistic view that the spiritual stuff is not more important
than the body.
And to not believe the Gnostic thought that makes the spiritual better and holier than
the physical material and earthly needs.
So, uh, Gnosticism, it can be a bit confusing because sometimes.
It can be a, um, I don't know.
It depends on who you talk to is what they think that it means, what it means to them.
And not all Gnostics believe the same.
Um, and, but the general, I like some Gnostics don't even believe that Jesus was the son
of God and they don't believe in some Gnostics don't believe that he died on the cross.
So I mean, but then other Gnostics do.
And so anyway, it's, it's, it's a bit of a, it's a bit of a muddy, um, uh, what do you,
what would you call it?
A bit of a muddy word as far as like multiple people with multiple, very drastic and contrary
beliefs will use this word.
So anyway, from what it is that she's understood the word to mean, she says that this sounds
like it.
I don't know how to kind of explain.
So this is absolutely not Gnosticism.
So Gnosticism is actually the idea of kind of like a, what do they call it?
Uh, uh, it's kind of like dualism or a dualistic divinity or something like that.
In other words, multiple gods, or at least, or not multiple gods, sorry, where, um, where
the, uh, the body and the spirit, from what I understand the body and the soul, and then
the, and then the spirit are very, very separate and that the spirit is better and that creation
and the body and soul are evil.
And that the way that they were created, that the body and soul and the rest of their creation
was created was by an error.
Um, now, yes, I'm sure that some people who say who put, who, um, I'm sure that not everyone
would define Gnosticism in that way, but if you look it up on like, say Britannica or
some place that's, that's considered to be a very old, original, solid, uh, academic
definition.
In other words, it's been researched traditionally.
This is what it's, what is, um, if they had to narrow down from their research, what it
is that people believe that it means, this is what they say that it, that it is, whoop,
something's going on downstairs underneath me.
That's odd.
Um, and, uh, anyway, it's that, uh, that, so that's not what we're talking about.
We God created the soul and the body and created the rest of creation, obviously very much
on purpose and the soul and the body are a good thing.
God does not, they're not evil and God doesn't even mean to eradicate it.
So a lot of times people think that.
You know, even if they're not Gnostics, you know, they're just, they're Christians, their Gnosticism was a heresy, by the way, that developed sometime, I think, in the second century.
But, but the soul and the body and creation were created as good things. Remember that they were created before Adam ever fell.
I mean, you know, that's how Adam was even around to be able to fall is because he actually existed as a soul and as the body as well as the spirit.
And God intended for those things to always be good. They were created in his goodness and in his holiness.
But then, obviously, when they fell, then they were now subject to corruption. They were subject to death, which is why God said that he didn't want them to eat from the tree of life, because if they ate from the tree of life in that state,
then it meant that they would live eternally separated, because eating from the tree of life meant that they could have life eternal.
And he was like, I don't want them to be able to have eternal life separated from me.
Anyway, but what God wants to do when this was proven by Jesus's experience, in other words, by what Jesus did is Jesus overcame by actually overcoming the flesh, overcoming his soul and his body and aligning them back into agreement with what God says.
So, in other words, the soul and the body had been trying to, you know, protect and provide for themselves. He required of them to come back and required of himself to come back into submission of the Lord and to come back into alignment with the spirit in order to believe what God says about himself and about them.
And then by doing so, it transforms flesh from corrupted into eternal, because it transfers it from flesh that's subjected to death to actually being able to be transformed into spirit.
And that's why when Jesus rose from the dead, he was still the same body that he died in, but now he had eternal life. And also I mean like his body did his body was eternal and his body wasn't wasn't subject like his literal fleshly body was not no longer subject to corruption.
He could walk through walls, but he could also eat and he can walk if he chose to, he could use the door if he chose to, he could chose to operate according to the laws of physics, or choose to, to, you know, completely disregard them.
So, anyway, the it's so as far as like the spirit being better in a manner of speaking, very generally, it is.
There's nothing wrong with spirit soul or body. When God created it. Hey Rita.
body as God created it, but the soul and body became corrupted to, to death.
And then it became it says that our spirits died. In other words, there was like this, there's the separation that Jesus had to restore by his death.
And so in that aspect, you know the spirit is better and the fact that it's, it's in agreement with the Lord, but it's not like, it's not that the spirit is good, and the soul and the body are bad.
God only creates good things but the soul and the body currently are bearing the consequences of the wages of sin. In other words, death. And so what we're doing is we are following Jesus's example by overcoming the flesh, which means that simply we are choosing
to no longer not believe God in our soul and our body we're choosing to believe God and come into alignment, and then it will simply transform our soul and our body, it won't eradicate them, and it won't obliterate them and then it'll be completely replaced
that's like totally different.
I mean God does use words like, oh, it'll be replaced and it'll be changed and stuff like that but it uses the same. It uses the same. It talks about the earth doing the same thing that the earth will change but how does it word it, it'll change as if it's like
changing a garment. Remember, and so and we saw that by Jesus, by Jesus's example, that when the soul and the body change. In other words, when it goes through that transfiguration process.
It's simply changing from flesh to spirit. It's not being obliterated. And then, I don't know replaced so that you now look like a totally different person.
You know Jesus still looked the way that he did before, but there were certain elements about him that looked different and the fact that it was whatever aspect of him that was subject to corruption.
Transfigured into spirit.
And then, and so in that aspect, it looked, I don't know, it looked
different, kind of like, think of like, well, somebody who's been in the
presence of the Lord or something like that, there's, there's an aspect of
being different, but at the same time, we know that it was the same body he died
in because he's, he pointed to his body and said, Hey, look, here are the wounds.
It, he used his body to prove that it was him and not someone else.
Because they knew that Jesus would have those things.
And he said, I'm not a ghost look in order to prove to you.
I'm not, I will eat.
In other words, I will prove that this is a real body and that this is me.
And look at the wounds in my hands and the wounds in my side.
So we know that Jesus, who's always our example, who always goes first and
therefore we're supposed to follow whatever he does, he was showing us, Hey,
look, it's going to transfigure and transform your soul and your body, but
you're not going to obliterate him as if they're evil, and then you're
just going to get something else.
It's just going to be transformed.
So anyway hopefully that's hopefully that's helped clear, clarify some of that.
And, and, oh yeah.
And then also, you know, talking about like the spirit is the spiritual
better and holier than the physical maternal and earthly needs.
It's, I don't know, it's different, it's spiritual and things.
And while there's nothing wrong, and it's very important to understand there's
nothing wrong with the physical, the PR and I don't, from, from what we can
understand from scripture, remember that the new millennium is going to exist on
earth, we're still going to be here.
It's not bad.
Jesus came and he's going to come again.
So there's nothing wrong with this earth, except the fact that it, because of Adam
sin, it's now subject to corruption.
And that's what has to be overcome.
Let's have, let's transform it so that it no longer is subject to death and that it
has, that it has eternal life, that it's more in alignment with the Lord, et cetera.
So in that aspect, there's a, the spiritual is better, but it's only because
it's currently that the earth and the physical is currently being, it is
currently being subjected to frustration.
It's being weighed down.
It's being oppressed.
But when it's in its free state, it's perfectly fine.
So, um, anyway, uh, and the only thing that can transform and transfigure
creation, including our soul or our body, you know, the rest of the earth is the
only thing is, um, the spirit and presence of God.
So in that aspect, if you think of like, like they're asking, you know, well,
you're saying the spirit is better.
Well, in a manner of speaking, it is.
And the fact that it's this it's in the spirit where all of the power is and it
comes in and it transforms the physical, the physical does not have the power to
transform or give life to the spirit.
It's this direction.
So, um, but again, it's, there's nothing wrong with the physical is just
currently subjected to frustration.
So, uh, the next question is, um, that, uh, let's see here.
Um, okay.
Uh, she said that I said, union is more important than God's issues with your sin.
Okay.
So remember what, why I said it like that, the sin is very important to God, but
here's why it's because sin creates separation.
That's the point.
It's not that sin by itself is an issue.
God said, no, no, no.
The point, the reason that sin exists, the whole thing that causes it to be an
existence and be a problem is the fact that it creates separation.
And that's the thing that's important to the Lord is just like, okay, since sin
creates separation, sin is an issue.
If sin didn't cause separation, it wouldn't be sin.
It wouldn't exist as a thing, you know?
So anyway, that's with the whole point that I was trying to make is it's not
this whole thing of like, God just wants us to be good because he's got a standard.
He's got a list of rules that he just kind of came up with out of his head.
And he decided that he's going to force them on us.
And then anything that we don't do, he's going to call it sin.
Why?
Just for the heck of it.
He's got all these lists of dues and all these lists of don'ts.
And when we do the don'ts, he's going to call that sin.
You know why?
Because he was bored and it stopped the case.
He said, sin is an issue because sin creates separation.
And he said, I don't want the separation.
So therefore don't do this.
That's why this is even a thing.
So basically think of the definition of sin.
The very essence of sin itself is something that creates separation from the Lord.
That sin does not exist except for the fact that it creates separation.
If it didn't create separation, sin wouldn't even exist as a thing.
So anyway, so it says I can't.
Okay, so she said, I had totally had a revelation of what union with God is, and I totally believe that. I just can't seem to fully understand it, though, since so much in the New Testament is about repenting.
And what Peter says to the people that gather after the resurrection is, repent. They don't even use the word union. Peter doesn't talk about union and separation, but for everyone to repent. Does this mean that for the first step?
Does this mean that this is the first step to repent and then to come into the kingdom of God in union with Christ? Okay, so what we're doing, remember, with repent is repent is not making a payment for sin.
And then we can have union with God. That's not what repentance is, because remember, it says that God repents.
It says that twice in the Bible that God repented. God doesn't sin, so God can't be making payment for some sin that he's done. Repent simply means I was facing this direction, and now I'm facing this direction.
I was doing this, and now I'm doing this. That's all that repent means. Repent means a turning away. Repent doesn't even mean turning away from sin.
Repent means to simply turn away. And that's why it says that God repented. You know, when Moses talked to him, and then also when Jonah, when the city of Nineveh repented, it says that God repented.
In other words, what it is that he was going to do, he decided, I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm not going to condemn you. I'm not going to punish you because you've repented. So I, too, am going to repent of what I was going to do. I was going to do this, and now I'm going to do this.
So that's all it is. It's a turning. So when God is talking about us repenting, he's like, you're facing this direction. You're doing this. You're approaching it this way.
You're in unbelief against me, because remember, that's what sin is. Sin is not doing something. Sin is unbelief. And then we do things because we don't believe.
And that's what Jesus had to explain to the Pharisees, because the Pharisees thought it's all about what I do. And Jesus says, no, because even if you have anger in your heart, you've already murdered him.
So he was saying, no, the sin is in the heart. The sin is what the action stems from. The sin is not the action itself. So anyway, so we're in unbelief, and God says, in order to be with me, in order to have union with me, just turn the other way.
In other words, instead of choosing unbelief, choose belief. Instead of choosing separation, choose union. And that's it. But somehow we've made it. We've focused so much, and it's been focused on us so much, about like this thing of like all of these do's and don'ts that we have to remember and memorize, and all the bad things we need to be aware of to avoid, and all of the good things that we need to be looking for, making sure we don't miss.
And that's really not the focus. Those things will naturally happen if we choose, instead of unbelief, we choose belief. Instead of separation from God and fear of God, we choose union, and we choose belief, and we choose faith, and we choose that God is safe.
So that's what the repentance is. So the repentance is turning from separation to union. That's what repentance is. It's turning from unbelief to belief.
And if you want to word it like this for ourselves, you know, as we're like, dare stepping our way through it, from sin into obedience, you know. But unfortunately, those words kind of conjure up all kinds of ideas in our mind of master and servant relationship.
God says, no, in those days, he says this in Hosea, he said, in those days, you will no longer call me my, you will call me my husband, you will no longer call me my master.
He says it's our relationship with him under the new cabinet has changed from obedience to a natural tendency to act like him, because we are of him, we're connected with him, we have relationship with him, you know, as a father and as a son.
Let's see the next one. Thank you.
My father in law take care of me.
Thank you.
Um, right.
Um, see what's the next one.
Um, uh, okay, so the next one was love being the thing everything in God's character is subjected to.
And one example is that the Bible talks a lot more about holiness than love the creatures crying out holy holy holy when they behold the side of the Lord so I can't find this meaning like that.
that everything in God's character is subject to love.
I can't find this in the Bible.
And I do believe like you're saying
that things from God don't all have to be in the Bible
but still I would think it wouldn't be contrary to it.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
No, nothing that God would reveal to us
that God would reveal to us
to expand our understanding of him
would be contrary to scripture
because God does not contradict himself.
So these things though, him being holy
and that being literally the only thing in the Bible
by the way, the only time in the Bible
that there are three words used together,
holy, holy, holy,
is the only time in the Bible
that three words are used together.
There's other times like barely, barely, or whatever.
But that's just two words.
The only time that one word is repeated three times
is the holy, holy, holy.
So it shows its tremendous significance
especially because three is an important number to the Lord.
But so this is not contrary to,
this is not saying that other aspects of God's character
are not important or even of less importance.
Think of it kind of like this.
It's like trying to understand the Trinity.
You know how they're three, but they're one,
but they're three, but they're one, you know.
Think of it kind of like this.
The various aspects of God are,
they are so perfectly connected
and dependent on each other sort of.
It's like it's just, they're perfectly,
they're in perfect relationship with one another.
So what I mean when I'm saying that love is the very thing,
is the thing that everything in God's character
is subject to,
it means that every aspect of God's character
is done because of and through his love,
his wrath, his holiness, everything.
Because it says God is love.
So think of it, holy is an adjective, but love is a noun.
God, it says God is love.
So God is actually love itself.
And every other aspect of his character
is always because of and through the fact that he is love.
And that just emanates from him.
He can't help it.
So everything is done with that, what's that word?
I can't think of a positive word.
I can only think of the negative word that,
you know, it's tainted, meaning like it's affected.
Everything is affected by the fact that he is love.
So you think about the fact,
I know it's very challenging for us,
but you think about the fact of everything
it talks about in the Old Testament,
where God told the Israelites to go
and wipe out men, women, and children.
I mean, can you imagine?
I mean, we kind of read through that
and we can kind of think, okay, well, you know,
these are, it's hard enough for us to imagine God saying,
go in and just wipe out all of the men,
but oh my goodness, can you imagine these Israelite men
going through and,
because remember to kill people back then,
you didn't throw a bomb in,
they didn't have that kind of technology.
You couldn't remove yourself
from the person you were killing.
It had to be done by hand.
So imagine as a grown man, literally killing women,
children, like little girls and little boys and babies.
You have to do it by hand.
And God said to, this is the God we follow, right?
And again, just like I said, God does not contradict himself.
God is still love.
All of that is hard as it is for us to understand.
All of that was done through the fact that he is love.
Now, I don't mean, understand that there's,
that he uses other words to express
some of his ways of expressing his character.
Like he uses the word wrath or, you know,
or whatever he uses, you know, strength and might
and coming against and wiping out and all of that.
But understand that it's,
that his love is not something that he,
and this is the point that I'm trying to make.
His love is not something he puts to the side
in order to exact his wrath or, you know,
exact other things that he's trying to do,
coming against or giving instructions to people to,
you know, to wipe out, you know,
a whole and all of the Canaanites or whatever.
Love isn't put aside.
He being love.
says, okay, me being love, these are the things that are important to do,
you know, or important to have done. And they're not done squelching my love or trying to ignore
my love or putting it aside for a little bit so I can get something done. It's all other aspects
are of his character and that his decisions are influenced by his love.
Yeah, there's so many other ways I could express that. But anyway,
so that's how I would answer that. Two more real quick. These, I think, are shorter.
The context of the tree of life. I didn't catch what you said about us were being supposed to
live by it. I just never heard that taught before. Okay. So think of it kind of like this
is we know that we're not supposed to live according to the tree of knowledge of good and
evil. Really what was going on there. Remember what I said about Roman seven, that is a holy
tree. The tree of the knowledge of good and evil is like, is the law that there's nothing wrong
with the law. It says in Roman seven, that the law is holy. There's nothing wrong with a lot.
It doesn't even say the law is good. It says the law is holy. I mean, that's a really serious thing.
So the tree of the knowledge of good and evil was a holy tree. So why was it a problem to eat from
it? Because God, we never were told that it wasn't supposed to touch it. She said that,
but it was never recorded that God said that. So obviously a lot of preachers say, oh, well,
my goodness, you know what? She was taking what God said out of context. And she was saying
something that God didn't say. All we know is it's not recorded. So it's not recorded anywhere
that God really did say to not touch it. So all that we do know, all that we did hear God say
that is recorded in scripture is him telling Adam and Eve, do not eat of the tree of the knowledge
of good and evil. And remember why that's important is you are taking food and in order to use it as
fuel. That's why we eat. You're using it as a source of energy on which you're depending
and on which you can, that can kind of fuel you and kind of be your source of life in order to
do something. That's the problem is we're relying on something outside of God in order to be
sustained. Um, so it's not necessarily like, oh, so, so how would I wear this? The reason I compare
it to the eating from the tree of the good knowledge of good and evil versus the tree of
life. Fascinatingly, you remember, we don't even hear that the tree of life even exists
until after the fall. So it's not even like, geez, God said, you can only eat from the tree of life
or eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. And don't eat from the tree of the knowledge
of good and evil. These are the only two choices of food. Don't do this one only do this one. He
didn't say that it was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil versus every other tree in the
garden. The reason that I compare it to the tree of life is because we're eating from that,
which allows us to live eternally. In other words, to have eternal union with the Lord.
So, um, uh, anyway, that's why I, that's why I compare it. It's not that God said,
you know, it's important for you to eat. Like it's not that he told Adam and Eve, Hey,
you need to be eating from the tree of life. You didn't tell them that. In fact, as far as we know,
they ate from the tree of life before they ate, um, from the tree of the knowledge of good and
evil. The problem was, I mean, why not? I mean, am I going to split all those trees there?
Surely they would have eaten from the tree of the life at some point, right? But the reason that
they couldn't eat afterwards is because they would keep whatever it is that they got from the tree of
the knowledge of good and evil, and God wanted them to be able to be redeemed from that. So
anyway, the whole reason why I compare the two is just to kind of have is, is to understand that
when you're eating from the tree of life, it's symbolized. And the fact that it's eternal life,
what is the only way we can get eternal life through Jesus, through eating his flesh and
drinking his blood. Remember that's how he words as taking the symbol of communion is that we're
literally trying to partake of Christ himself. Remember because of how he phrased it, people got
offended. They were like, well, oh my goodness, we're supposed to eat his flesh and drink his
blood. And it says in the Bible that when Jesus said that disciples left him, some disciples left
him. Then he turned to the other disciples and he asked her, are you going to leave me too? And they
said, where else would we go? So you teacher are the only one that has truth. So anyway, God, that's
why I use the tree of life because the whole point of the, of the difference between the true trees
is not that one was holy, the tree of life, and then one was evil. It wasn't. Roman seven says
that the law is holy. The problem is don't eat of it. But we do know that we are supposed to eat
of the body of Christ that
gives us eternal life. So anyway, that's why I compare the two. The last one, the context of
the Israelites rejecting the relationship with God and deciding to live according to the law of good
and evil. I didn't catch where they rejected the relationship. Okay, so they rejected in Exodus,
and I don't remember where that is in Exodus, but where they go, I don't remember which chapter,
but they go to Mount Sinai and then God wants to make a covenant with them. Remember, he tells
Moses, hey, in fact, this is after the Ten Commandments. This is after they have made the
golden calf. This is after all of that. He tells Moses, hey, tell the Israelites to cleanse
themselves, and I think he said for three days. It was three or seven, and I think it was for three.
Anyway, he said, cleanse themselves, and they can't do these things. They need to do these
things, and they can't, and they need to abstain from these things, and then have them come up,
and then when they went up to the mountain, it went to the mountain. They were hearing thunder,
and it scared some of them because I'm trying to remember. I thought that it said that some
heard thunder. Some heard a voice. Some heard rumblings or something like that. Anyway, it
scared them, and so they said, no, no, no. Moses, you go and hear from God. We're too scared,
and you hear from God what he wants us to do, and then tell us what to do, and we'll do it,
so that's where they rejected it because God was wanting to meet them directly,
and it says that the Israelites got scared and said, no, Moses, you go, and then you tell us,
so they said, Lord, we only want to interact with you through a mediary. That's rejecting
the relationship and choosing rules instead. They did the same thing that Adam and Eve did.
They chose, give me the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, Lord, and tell me what to follow.
Tell me what to obey, and I'll do it, so anyway, okay, so that's answering those five questions,
I guess. Is that five? Yeah, it's five, so after listening to all of that, has anyone
come up with any other questions, or did my answers bring up anything? Does anyone have
anything? Were those on the chat, all those questions, or were they? No, someone just
sent them to me, so the rest retreat while we were going through the rest retreat. Okay, yeah,
so I said, I'll answer these on the fireside chat since I don't answer questions in between
the chats. We meet three times a week, you know, including the rest group, so people can
can, like, write them places and whatever, and then just remind me during the rest,
during the fireside chats or a rest group, and then that's where I can answer them so that
everybody gets the benefit of the answer, so yeah, so yeah, so no, you didn't miss something.
You're probably looking through the chat going, where are these questions? Yeah, okay,
so I know that was a lot, but I had, like, several questions. I had five questions,
and so that gave me the opportunity to get those answered, so does anyone have anything?
It doesn't have to be, you know, about, like, the, you know, the teaching, you know, what was,
like, oh, well, you said this, you know, nuance about the theology. I mean, it's just about, like,
applying some of these tools or what it is that you're experiencing, like, and trying to get
close to the Lord. Are you frustrated because it's not working, you know? Are you, you know,
are you feeling close to him? Are you not feeling close to him? Are you getting frustrated? Are you
being triggered? Have you been able to see the goodness of the Lord in a new way that
you just hadn't noticed before?
I've been struggling. I was, like, so trying the other day, but I guess I was struggling with just,
like, say a spouse, okay? They are, you know, triggering you, and I was, like, I did so good
the time before, but this time I was just, like, all in my emotions and feelings, and I just wanted
to be there, you know? I just wanted to be there, and I was, like, okay, I could listen to some
praising. Nope, don't want to really do that. I just needed to, I just wanted to be, just, like,
be left alone, and it's because I didn't even choose Jesus. I was, like, thinking, I was, like,
I just, I don't know, and I think that sometimes I get stuck, like, you know, sometimes it's just,
like, I'll just go through my own little self, whatever, I don't know, self-soothing, but it
really doesn't soothe, you know what I mean? No, it's very insightful. That's what it is,
yeah, self-soothing. Go ahead.
And, but then it's like, I'll, I'll get, you know, stuck there.
I'm like, okay, I know I need to like get out of this.
Cause it was just like, oh, we'll just do this for a day.
You know?
Um, but I just don't, I don't want to go there, but I feel the right to like,
since it was like, I know it's good to express your emotions, but it's just
like, if you're getting, you're tired, like I'm legitimately tired of dealing
with the same thing with the same person.
You know what I'm saying?
So it's like, what do you do?
It's like, I'm just like, okay, Laura, I know I need to choose you, but like
right now I'm all in my feelings and I just really want to be left alone and
self-soothe, you know, like that's the real truth about it, you know?
So, yeah.
Um, uh, could you give me, now you don't have to like, tell me like
what exactly is triggering you, but could you give me context about like,
when you say that you just want to be in your emotions, meaning like you just
like, say for instance, you're mad, are you saying I just want to feel mad and
then feed on it, or are you saying that you're actually like deciding, okay,
you know what, I'm going to be emotional to my spouse and I'm just going to,
I'm just going to give into it and I'm going to have at it and I'm going to
express it like, so what, like what, what are you talking about exactly?
It's more like, um, like I expressed myself.
In fact, we expressed myself during marriage counseling.
It was all good.
I mean, like formatted, you know what I'm saying?
But even still after that, I don't know, I guess maybe I just felt, um, it
wasn't like I was, I was upset and maybe angry, but I didn't express it.
Like, I think when I get upset with people, I tend to just be more introverted.
Like, I don't want to talk to nobody.
I don't want, I'm good.
Just leave me alone.
I'm going to be in my own little, um, entertainment space and I'm
going to self-soothe and hopefully when I wake up, I'll feel better.
Yeah, it'll be just like that, but it doesn't usually work that way.
No, you're right.
Yeah.
Okay.
So that's helpful.
So part of it is, um, we try to, um, uh, we try to avoid things
in a, in as weird as it sounds.
Okay.
So there's a few different things that can be going on.
And so I'm going to mention to you some of them, and then you can just decide
what it is that seems to resonate with you're like, oh, that, that sounds about.
Right.
That sounds like what I feel.
There can be an avoidance.
I know that, that usually, and I know that you just mentioned going
to sleep, like for the night, but what I used to do is when I used to feel
really bad about things or really struggle with something, in fact, I
still have this, um, this tendency to want to do this, um, and I just
don't give into it like I used to.
So it didn't come to mind as much, but I used to just take a
nap because I was trying to escape.
So, and here's the problem with escaping is it doesn't actually get dealt with.
So the really good thing is that to know is that it's important for us to fully
feel the emotions as opposed to what, I don't know if you grew up like this.
I grew up feeling like I wasn't allowed to feel.
And so I would just stifle the emotions.
And I thought that if I stifled the emotions, then it changed my belief.
Then it changed me from not believing God and not having faith and not being
good and, you know, and sinning to not sinning because I just
didn't allow myself to feel it.
And so I thought if I didn't feel it, then I didn't believe it, or, you know,
I wasn't struggling with unbelief and it's just not true.
I was just stuffing it.
And then it means that when we stuff it and we don't allow ourselves to fully
face what it is, we really think what it is, we really believe what it, what
really is bothering us, then it can manifest.
Not only will it just stay, but it'll, it'll, it'll stay as poison and it will
eventually manifest into worse things.
And it can sometimes eventually over time manifest into physical, um, into
physical diseases and issues and problems and whatever.
Um, but even if we're not talking about that far, you're not, you're under.
The enslavement of whatever it is that you don't let go and let, and, and allow
to come out, so the good thing is that we can now know, all right, well, and again,
I don't know how all y'all grew up.
I grew up hearing that you're supposed to not feel that me interpreting what people
were telling me as you're not supposed to feel.
So I just, and if you don't feel, well, then you're not sending it.
So I would like stop myself from feeling, but then it just
makes you sicker, so to speak.
So the good thing is I found out, oh no, I'm actually supposed to feel that's
how I'm going to get healed, you know, for with the Lord, but the problem
with that is you have to feel, and it feels.
pull. There's a reason why we don't want to feel that way. So one of the good things is, you know,
like you're saying, you just kind of want to be in the emotion of it. You're just leave me alone.
I just want to feel it out. So that's healthy. As long as we're letting it come up and out and
we're facing it, not feeding it. If we're feeding on it and we're like justifying that, you know,
how we reacted, how we feel, what they've done, the fact that we don't deserve that.
Well, that's feeding on it. And again, that's, that's not just stifling it,
it's actually making it bigger because we're feeding it. So it's important to distinguish
when we're feeling our feelings, how to distinguish between whether we are letting it
ourself, letting it come up and fully feel and fully facing it before the Lord so that it can
come up and out versus I'm feeling it and I'm feeding on it. So, but it is good to feel it,
not stifle it, but we just have to focus on, on the fact that we don't need to be feeding it.
And one of the things that we need to do is, and so this is what I was thinking of also,
when you were talking, there was a time where I was very, very, very, very, very, very, very upset
at God. I mean, very upset at God. And this is somebody who was, again, didn't allow themselves
to feel anything. I finally got to the point where I couldn't handle it anymore. It was like
my emotions had been completely stuffed up to the point where I had no room left in me
and everything was just, it was just on the surface and everything was coming out.
And I was just really upset at God. I remember right where I was standing in my bedroom,
probably like, I don't know, 14 years ago when I told it, when I was just talking to the Lord,
I think I said something like, you know, well, Lord, I'm really mad at you. And he's,
and he said, Ashley, he said, that is okay. He said, you and I can, we can work through that.
So that I can work through that with you. That is just fine. And he wasn't saying it was okay
that I was mad at him, but he was just saying, you know, I accept the fact that you were mad
at me. He said, that is fine. He said, he said, we can do that together. We can walk through that
together. We can struggle through that together. You can wrestle that out with me together.
He said, but don't shut me out. And that's the phrase he used. He said, but don't shut me out
again. Don't separate yourself. Don't turn your back on me and try and turn away from me and try
to deal with it on your own in considering me to be the enemy. He's like, you can struggle with it,
but struggle with me. And remember that. And so whenever, whenever you are struggling with
anything with someone else, with the Lord, you know, whatever, because whenever we're struggling
with something with someone else deep down, it's because there's a root unbelief between us and
the Lord in which we don't feel safe. In other words, he's not our security in a way that we're
trying to get our security elsewhere. And so anyway, it, everything ultimately comes back to
the fact that we have to struggle through how we feel, you know, ultimately with the Lord.
Um, and, uh, and so remember that God so treasures relationship with us that when he gave Israel
their name, remember he gave the covenant to Abraham and it wasn't until three generations
later, which in their, in their time was a long time later, you know, and it wasn't just like,
Oh, our normal, like 20 or 40 years, it was a long time later because they all lived very long
that he gave them, um, he gave Jacob the name Israel. And that's finally when he named his,
God named his firstborn son. He could have named it anything. Cause you know, that God,
um, considers names to be very important. I mean, my goodness, you know, like I said in,
in the, um, in the, uh, in the teaching, you know, he changed Abraham's and Sarah's name
from Abram and Sarah to Abraham and Sarah. And that was a big deal. I mean, period,
let alone the fact of how old they were when they changed their names.
And so names are very important. So God changed Jacob's name to Israel, meaning that every single
time that someone declared that name, they were speaking and affirming that thing over the person
over and over. And Israel means he, who struggles with God. So God finds struggle with him to be a
place of intimacy with him in that while. So it's not that God loves us being mad.
It's not that the, that our anger isn't rooted in sin. It doesn't mean that what it means is
God is more focused on the union.
then he is on, you know, in a staying with him is struggling with him, then he is about what it is
that we did, so to speak, he's like, first of all, he's like, that's important. But first of all,
in order to actually deal with it, he said, choose me, you know, let's, let's stick together
on this, wrestle this out face to face, Jacob wrestled with God and one, and the angel blessed
him. That weird, it's really not what any of us would have expected. That's not the outcome. I
expect every time I read the story, I'm like, surely there's a different outcome. So I always
think it's just so odd. But since he wrestled with God, you know, the angel said, you know,
I'll name you Israel, because you have wrestled with God in one. So anyway, my point is that God
considers struggle to be a place of intimacy with him, that we're choosing to fight dadgum hard for
that relationship. And he loves that he's like, in the midst of your struggle, that you're having
with me, you're choosing me. So you're choosing me, even though you're you're struggling with,
with feeling safe with me, with believing me, you choose me through that, you know, through that,
through the fact that you're having a hard time with me. You know, you still choose me anyway,
it's like, it's like, you know, you choosing your husband, even though, you know, you know, even in
the middle of the two of y'all arguing and being very mad at each other, you're still there's still
an element in which you, you have to continue to choose him anyway, as opposed to, you know,
turning your back on him or whatever, and, and divorce him. Okay, well, that's that, you know,
and so God loves that. So anyway, those things will help if, when you're struggling, when you're
mad or whatever, if you do it with God, as opposed to, and, and, and trust and choosing that you're
safe, struggling with him, as opposed to no, I'm mad. And God is probably just going to make me
feel worse by telling me I shouldn't be mad. So I'm just going to, so let, to let myself be mad.
I'm going to ignore God for a while. So I can be mad. No, be mad with God, go to God and be mad.
Let him work through. God is big enough to handle you and your emotions, but he, that's what he
wants to do. He's like, when you're struggling come to me, as opposed to what we thought of it
and do that there, process that there, let me process that with you there. Let my love, you
know, break down your walls there, but I can't do that. If you separate yourself from me, you're
like, no, I'm going to shut God out because he won't let me be mad or he'll condemn me for being
mad or he'll correct me and he'll get all onto me. And I already feel bad and I've already been,
you know, attacked and told whatever by my spouse or by my friend or whatever. And I already feel
bad and I don't want God to now be telling me more things I need to do and how I'm wrong right now.
We need to trust him more than that. And the only way that he can prove to us that he really is
trustworthy is when we put ourselves there. Not, okay, God, you're going to have to prove it to me.
And then when you do, then I'll come. I was like, no, no, no. You've got to choose me first.
And then I'll prove it to you when you're there. And you'll experience me that I accept you where
you are. And it will no longer simply be something you've always heard that I accept you where you
are. You will now know by experience, you will know between you and me that I always accept you
where you are. So anyway, okay. Is that helpful?
Rita. Yeah. Thank you.
Right. What time is it? Well, we had just a few more minutes. Does anyone have anything?
The last little bit. I came with five questions, though. I'm good.
I found myself Monday. I mean, well, I've still been trying to practice.
But, you know, I mean, I can, I can know the way to close your eyes. I know.
No.
It's a bit muffled I can just barely make it out so I wasn't, I wasn't missing anything
but yeah.
Okay.
There we go.
That's better.
On a blanket.
Oh yeah, that's much better.
Yeah.
Oh good.
Okay.
Thank you.
Yeah, I was gonna say maybe the microphone was in the blanket but yeah.
Okay, because I have to have the headset on again so having to do that but okay let me
know if it gets if you can hear me okay, but I've been doing the practicing, you know,
with God by him to come in.
And you know I feel like it's not as much as the first as the first one we did it in
the intensive you know I really felt the pain and, and I want to go back to that first one
maybe kind of.
I did go back to it once actually I think Sunday night, but just keep practicing it
because, you know, that's really what we're doing is practicing right, you know, so I
feel like you know it's been good I maybe I could say I've felt a little, a little,
a little like, I don't know maybe a little more connected because I'm making an initiative
to be connected, you know, and going back to those exercises, some of bringing myself
back to identity, because I wrote something down during intensive there and I just kind
of go to those words when I get when I get triggered now or, you know, it's just I think
I wrote down something like, I mean, you know, we're connected we're all the Trinity
we're all one.
I'm seated with you in heavenly places therefore I'm always about my father's business, and
it kind of centers me a little bit.
However Monday, I was with my husband, and something little he did I just let it trigger
me.
And it was so minute really but I got in this group where I couldn't, I was like having
a hard time getting out of it focusing on the little bit of a negative thing which really
wasn't even a big deal but, man, it was like, it took me a while to get out of that loop.
And I'm not even sure how I did it.
But I think I did practice I started finally saying something, you know, with one of these
exercises I don't remember which one but you know the choosing and the stop and, and,
but wow.
You know, it just, you know, sometimes, because if we don't like you said we can just get
in that downward spiral, you know, can you can you hear me okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
But I will say this, something I've been practicing for a while now, a couple other people I have
done a little mentoring with each on that is putting stuffing, putting stuff in your
feelings that's so important.
In fact, a couple people that talk about, you should acknowledge them even if we know
it's not from the spirit we know it's from the soul, but like you said because they can
make you sick but but it's like embrace them, because they're your feelings, embrace them
and I like to think about embracing them with the Lord.
Yeah, knowledge them I even write them down.
I'm having negative, and I get in a negative, I write them down.
And then, you know, recognize they feel they're your feelings, they feel very personal, you
can recognize you'd like to see that change.
But also then just for now, let it go to the Lord, just for now.
And then, I mean, if you need to forgive me to forgive someone or something, you can do
that.
You can let it go.
And it just does something when you Yeah, that's been real helpful to me.
I've been practicing that for a while.
Good.
Yeah.
Um, yeah, talking about those embracing the feelings, it's important because there's nothing
wrong with our feelings.
In fact, it's not a sin to be feeling.
So if we're feeling angry, that's not a sin.
Now, what it's indicating is it's it's the all it is, is that the thermometer it's telling
us something.
So it's almost like shooting the messenger what why it didn't do anything.
It's just telling you about it, right?
So there's nothing wrong with the feeling so we shouldn't feel bad that we're feeling
bad.
I know it didn't feel good.
But you know, we don't we don't need to feel bad is that the feelings are a problem.
It's important for us to just
Like you said, you can think of it like embracing it because really what it is that you're doing,
you know, when you think about like embracing the feelings is you are, you are being for you,
what I just described that God says he wants to be for us, unconditional acceptance of us,
where it is that we are, our body and our soul, including the feelings and belief, fear, all of
that stuff needs to know that it's safe with us. That's the only way that it's going to feel safe
enough to change. The reason that we feel the feelings that we do is because we're, we're
afraid. We think that we're abandoned and alone and that our spirit's not there, or it can't be
trusted or, you know, that God's not going to look out for us and God's not who he says he is.
So what we need and it's going to keep acting like that until we accept it exactly where it is
without requiring it to change. So I think that I mentioned that in the teaching as well.
I don't remember how far I got into it, but about like losing weight, if it's same thing,
the, if, if you're struggling to lose weight, the way to finally do it, like you can be exercising
and eating all the right things and all of that, and just not be losing weight, but it will fall
off. When you finally accept your body, the way that it is without ever requiring it to change.
And I mean, like you basically have to emotionally, not, not mentally, but emotionally
give up ever being different than what your body looks like right now. And I know that that's hard,
but that's how your body finally feels safe is because it's safe with you right now. So it's
like, okay, well, if I'm safe right now, well then surely, you know, if I change, I'll still
be safe. It's not wanting to change because it's staying where it is because it thinks that that's
its highest chance of survival and protecting itself. So we have to allow it to be safe there
in order for it to be courageous enough and invent to, to be adventurous and try something else.
And, um, so that's how I've lost weight and kept it off. And that's how, um, cause I've really
struggled with my weight over the years. And then, um, there's somebody else in the rest intensive
that has done the same thing, lost 31 pounds while she was pregnant and she couldn't lose it before.
And while she was pregnant, she lost, I mean, how do you lose, you know, instead of gain during
your pregnancy? I don't know. But anyway, she said, actually it happened when I finally accepted
myself when I finally loved myself. And, and I was a safe place for me. I was safe for my body
and my soul to be what they were and to love it unconditionally. So it's the same thing with the
feelings is that you will feel safer to change too. Uh, cause that's why we get mad. That's why
we get angry and all of that is, is we were afraid of something. So if we can be the safe place that
we wish that our parents were, or that we wish that God was or whatever, we can be that safe
place for us. I don't mean as opposed to God, but like teaching ourselves, you know, to be to
ourselves, like God is to us, you know, then we'll finally start our, well, our feelings and, um, and
our bodies will start changing because we no longer re we no longer accept it. Conditionally
we accept it unconditionally. So anyway, truly huge, huge difference that, um, that it can begin
to make. So I'm glad you brought that up, Karen. Thank you. All right. So I will, we'll go ahead
and, um, go for the night and it was good to get to see everybody and I will see you all on Sunday
night for the next fireside chat. And so I won't send out these reminders anymore. So I recommend
that you, um, put them all in your phone. That's what I always do at the beginning of a rest
intensive is I always put them in my, um, in my phone and I just say, Hey, this occurs for like
six weeks till X date or whatever. And, um, and then I just set up like a reminder and all of
that good stuff. So that, that helps me. But anyway, and I, and I'm the one who hosts the call
and I do this all the time and I still have to, so anyway, but, um, I'll look forward to seeing
you all on Sunday. If y'all think of questions, you know, as you go through, as you go through
the week, then just remember to write them down or, or post them, you know, even in the discussion
group or whatever. And, um, and then I can get, and then remind me of those during the first
chat. And then we can talk about them then. So I have a question. Um, so we're not doing Sunday.
at 10am anymore. But like for everybody to be in it or, or is
that just that one week?
Oh, yeah, that was just that one weekend. That was the rest
retreat, you know, where we were doing all of the teachings on
Saturday, and then on Sunday. And so that was just the first
weekend. So from now till the end of the program, it's Sunday,
Tuesday, and Thursday nights, and eight to two nine Central
Standard Time. Y'all are all okay. Yeah.
All right. All right. Okay, well, I will see y'all on
Sunday, then. Okay.
Good to see you guys.
You too.
Okay, blessing.