hello ladies I know I don't normally come live in this group but I had
something to share and I started typing out in a post and I was just like no
this just doesn't convey the magnitude of how big this is I have to go live and
share this so maybe you saw last week I had put in a post that I was really just
struggling and the journey has been hard it's been hard but I'm starting to have
more and more breakthrough and seeing that all it's all worth it it's all
worth it if you continue just choosing him I promise you it will be worth it
and I could share for hours about the way I've seen his goodness to me in the
last couple weeks but I just want to share one thing with you that it was
really unexpected I mean like it's all unexpected but this is not something
that I've been specifically asking for praying about or anything or taking to
him or anything like that so for him to bless me in this way just was beyond
words just blew my mind he's just been so gracious in confirming to me that I'm
on the right path and I'm I'm I'm journeying with him I'm not just you
know this isn't all in my head and so last night I attended an event at church
as myself like fully myself and y'all are probably like this chick is nuts
okay so I have I used to have really bad social anxiety to the point to where I
would like not go places or like I would tell my parents I was going
somewhere and then on the way there I would talk myself out of it but instead
of just turning around and going home I would like go sit somewhere else and
pretend that that's really that I did go do the thing right but my anxiety got so
bad that I couldn't and so I would like just go hide out like that's been the
majority of my life is just hiding out not being comfortable around other
people in middle school we so going to church was not an option in my family
you don't get the choice you go and so we were there you know as the saying
goes anytime the doors were open we were there but on Wednesday nights is
when they had kids church and I'm telling you out of my whole middle
school year right 6 7th and 8th grade out of three years I maybe actually
attended maybe five times maybe it was more than that but it felt like five
times like I rarely went but it's not because I wasn't at church because my
parents took me I was at church but you know where I was hiding out in the
bathroom that's right we were in a large church there were multiple buildings so
I would like sneak out to the building next door and hide in the bathroom until
it was over the entire middle school career okay three years I spent hiding
in a church bathroom because I was so had so much anxiety about being around
these people that I didn't know right like I didn't even give it the chance to
get to know them to make it more fun I just hid so I was thinking about this
last night and I it didn't even the full effect of it did not even process
with me like until today how far I have come on this
journey but even as an adult now I I serve at church and there are still
times just within the past year because I'm at a new church I've been at a new
church for about a year and a half and started serving I don't know like end of
last year maybe so oh so maybe it's close to a year now I think about anyway
um there is still been times just within the last year that I've been
uncomfortable going into church it's like walking into you do you remember
walking into the high school lunchroom or middle school lunchroom or whatever
like you're desperately scanning and searching where are my friends who am I
gonna sit with that's what it felt like if y'all can remember that tell me I'm
not alone here that's how it felt to me and just like I said even still within
the last year just being in a new church being in a new place meeting new people
I was having that anxiety again and even though I was serving on the production
team and I had a certain place I had to be right it's not like I was going in
and searching for a place to sit and I don't know anybody no I had a
particular place that I had to be but even just but that same feeling was
still coming up for me when I would walk in I would have that anxiety of like oh
who's here you know who's looking at me where are they did it uh my mind would
just be going I went to this event last night y'all I had zero anxiety I was
actually excited to go like that alone is crazy because I usually talk myself
out of going to things like this where there's no structure and I don't have a
function right it was we were going it was appreciation night for the
volunteers so I literally had nothing to do and I was excited to go I went I took
pictures that the thought never came in my mind oh what are people gonna think
about me like I can't express to you how huge that is that there was no
self-consciousness like I was just me just being like Ashley talks about in
her video that she did about friendship attracting friends like if you're you're
being you you're in your identity you're abiding in a spirit and you're in your
identity and who God says you are you are one with Christ and if you just be
that person then people are attracted to you people notice something's different
about you y'all and that without even thinking about it that's exactly what
happened last night I'm just blunt like it's everything I can do to not like I'm
really holding back tears here I get I'm getting super emotional about it like
it's huge that's so huge how many people would be free if they would just let go
of that self-consciousness right so like millions of people have social
anxiety I'm just still I'm still and thinking about it blown away and all the
things I did last night without even thinking about it without hesitation it
wasn't a calculated like oh I'm gonna go do this and like push past the hard no
there was no heart like you never even enter in my mind I just got it like I
was just going around talking to people I introduced myself to people I was
having come starting conversations not just having conversations with people
but actually starting them and if any of y'all knew me you would be like whoa I
participated in the activities I went up on stage and did a game and won a prize
like what I am I'm so introverted it's ridiculous okay not just introversion
aside the anxiety that I would normally have in those situations there is no way
you would have gotten me up on stage in front of anybody like I can't even I
just can't even tell you I can't tell you how huge this is um I actually I
text my mom afterwards and I was telling her
that I had won a prize or whatever and she was like how did you do that and I
told her you know I had to go up on what I had to do and I'm like going up on
stage in front of everybody and I was actually up there running around without
my shoes on like you're in church you're not in your living room you're in church
and she she about fell out on the floor she cannot believe it
so I hope this speaks to you I hope you like even if you don't get social
anxiety I hope just like you can see how excited I am and what a big deal this is
like like I said that's not even something that I've been taking to him
and asking for help with like this is just a byproduct of me moving into who I
am like I'm I'm starting to see myself as a completely different person and
it's a wild even my husband was like I cannot believe you just did that he was
with me and I came back and sat back down I didn't even know there was a
prize I didn't know I was getting anything like they just asked for
volunteers and I went it was bananas so anyway I just I really I hope that's
encouraging to you if you're like in a hard time right now and you're struggling
just keep choosing him just keep choosing him and I'm telling you it's so
worth it and you're gonna have blessing beyond what you asked for any what you
can even imagine like obviously when I sit here and I logically think about yes
that would be a byproduct of being in your identity yes that makes sense to me
but like well I was going through all this and never occurred to me that that
would happen so I love you ladies thank you for watching if anybody wants to
talk or has questions or whatever you can let me know and I would be happy to
talk to anybody and I'm used to doing videos my group so I'm like going
through all these things in my head and I'm like wait no I don't have to say
that this isn't my group but I do mean it if anybody ever wants to talk I know
I haven't been super super active in the group I typically am NOT to where I can
do the Thursday night calls so y'all are probably like I don't even know who this
girl is but know that I'm I am looking through the group I am reading the post
I'm watching your videos and praying for all of you and I love you and we are
doing this together okay so if you ever need anything feel free to reach out to
me I'm here I would love to do anything I can to to help you but I really just
hope that this is so encouraging to you that God can do so much more than we
imagine right there there's nothing that our God can't do all right I'm gonna go
before I start crying blessings