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hello ladies I know I don't normally come live in this group but I had

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something to share and I started typing out in a post and I was just like no

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this just doesn't convey the magnitude of how big this is I have to go live and

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share this so maybe you saw last week I had put in a post that I was really just

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struggling and the journey has been hard it's been hard but I'm starting to have

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more and more breakthrough and seeing that all it's all worth it it's all

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worth it if you continue just choosing him I promise you it will be worth it

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and I could share for hours about the way I've seen his goodness to me in the

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last couple weeks but I just want to share one thing with you that it was

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really unexpected I mean like it's all unexpected but this is not something

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that I've been specifically asking for praying about or anything or taking to

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him or anything like that so for him to bless me in this way just was beyond

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words just blew my mind he's just been so gracious in confirming to me that I'm

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on the right path and I'm I'm I'm journeying with him I'm not just you

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know this isn't all in my head and so last night I attended an event at church

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as myself like fully myself and y'all are probably like this chick is nuts

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okay so I have I used to have really bad social anxiety to the point to where I

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would like not go places or like I would tell my parents I was going

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somewhere and then on the way there I would talk myself out of it but instead

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of just turning around and going home I would like go sit somewhere else and

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pretend that that's really that I did go do the thing right but my anxiety got so

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bad that I couldn't and so I would like just go hide out like that's been the

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majority of my life is just hiding out not being comfortable around other

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people in middle school we so going to church was not an option in my family

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you don't get the choice you go and so we were there you know as the saying

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goes anytime the doors were open we were there but on Wednesday nights is

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when they had kids church and I'm telling you out of my whole middle

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school year right 6 7th and 8th grade out of three years I maybe actually

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attended maybe five times maybe it was more than that but it felt like five

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times like I rarely went but it's not because I wasn't at church because my

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parents took me I was at church but you know where I was hiding out in the

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bathroom that's right we were in a large church there were multiple buildings so

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I would like sneak out to the building next door and hide in the bathroom until

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it was over the entire middle school career okay three years I spent hiding

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in a church bathroom because I was so had so much anxiety about being around

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these people that I didn't know right like I didn't even give it the chance to

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get to know them to make it more fun I just hid so I was thinking about this

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last night and I it didn't even the full effect of it did not even process

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with me like until today how far I have come on this

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journey but even as an adult now I I serve at church and there are still

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times just within the past year because I'm at a new church I've been at a new

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church for about a year and a half and started serving I don't know like end of

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last year maybe so oh so maybe it's close to a year now I think about anyway

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um there is still been times just within the last year that I've been

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uncomfortable going into church it's like walking into you do you remember

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walking into the high school lunchroom or middle school lunchroom or whatever

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like you're desperately scanning and searching where are my friends who am I

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gonna sit with that's what it felt like if y'all can remember that tell me I'm

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not alone here that's how it felt to me and just like I said even still within

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the last year just being in a new church being in a new place meeting new people

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I was having that anxiety again and even though I was serving on the production

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team and I had a certain place I had to be right it's not like I was going in

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and searching for a place to sit and I don't know anybody no I had a

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particular place that I had to be but even just but that same feeling was

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still coming up for me when I would walk in I would have that anxiety of like oh

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who's here you know who's looking at me where are they did it uh my mind would

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just be going I went to this event last night y'all I had zero anxiety I was

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actually excited to go like that alone is crazy because I usually talk myself

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out of going to things like this where there's no structure and I don't have a

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function right it was we were going it was appreciation night for the

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volunteers so I literally had nothing to do and I was excited to go I went I took

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pictures that the thought never came in my mind oh what are people gonna think

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about me like I can't express to you how huge that is that there was no

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self-consciousness like I was just me just being like Ashley talks about in

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her video that she did about friendship attracting friends like if you're you're

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being you you're in your identity you're abiding in a spirit and you're in your

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identity and who God says you are you are one with Christ and if you just be

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that person then people are attracted to you people notice something's different

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about you y'all and that without even thinking about it that's exactly what

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happened last night I'm just blunt like it's everything I can do to not like I'm

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really holding back tears here I get I'm getting super emotional about it like

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it's huge that's so huge how many people would be free if they would just let go

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of that self-consciousness right so like millions of people have social

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anxiety I'm just still I'm still and thinking about it blown away and all the

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things I did last night without even thinking about it without hesitation it

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wasn't a calculated like oh I'm gonna go do this and like push past the hard no

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there was no heart like you never even enter in my mind I just got it like I

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was just going around talking to people I introduced myself to people I was

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having come starting conversations not just having conversations with people

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but actually starting them and if any of y'all knew me you would be like whoa I

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participated in the activities I went up on stage and did a game and won a prize

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like what I am I'm so introverted it's ridiculous okay not just introversion

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aside the anxiety that I would normally have in those situations there is no way

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you would have gotten me up on stage in front of anybody like I can't even I

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just can't even tell you I can't tell you how huge this is um I actually I

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text my mom afterwards and I was telling her

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that I had won a prize or whatever and she was like how did you do that and I

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told her you know I had to go up on what I had to do and I'm like going up on

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stage in front of everybody and I was actually up there running around without

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my shoes on like you're in church you're not in your living room you're in church

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and she she about fell out on the floor she cannot believe it

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so I hope this speaks to you I hope you like even if you don't get social

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anxiety I hope just like you can see how excited I am and what a big deal this is

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like like I said that's not even something that I've been taking to him

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and asking for help with like this is just a byproduct of me moving into who I

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am like I'm I'm starting to see myself as a completely different person and

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it's a wild even my husband was like I cannot believe you just did that he was

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with me and I came back and sat back down I didn't even know there was a

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prize I didn't know I was getting anything like they just asked for

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volunteers and I went it was bananas so anyway I just I really I hope that's

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encouraging to you if you're like in a hard time right now and you're struggling

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just keep choosing him just keep choosing him and I'm telling you it's so

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worth it and you're gonna have blessing beyond what you asked for any what you

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can even imagine like obviously when I sit here and I logically think about yes

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that would be a byproduct of being in your identity yes that makes sense to me

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but like well I was going through all this and never occurred to me that that

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would happen so I love you ladies thank you for watching if anybody wants to

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talk or has questions or whatever you can let me know and I would be happy to

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talk to anybody and I'm used to doing videos my group so I'm like going

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through all these things in my head and I'm like wait no I don't have to say

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that this isn't my group but I do mean it if anybody ever wants to talk I know

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I haven't been super super active in the group I typically am NOT to where I can

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do the Thursday night calls so y'all are probably like I don't even know who this

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girl is but know that I'm I am looking through the group I am reading the post

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I'm watching your videos and praying for all of you and I love you and we are

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doing this together okay so if you ever need anything feel free to reach out to

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me I'm here I would love to do anything I can to to help you but I really just

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hope that this is so encouraging to you that God can do so much more than we

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imagine right there there's nothing that our God can't do all right I'm gonna go

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before I start crying blessings