Hey everyone! Sorry for the swinging. I'm on one of those couch swings at the lodge.
Hopefully you can hear me okay. I've been struggling with allergies the past
couple of weeks and so those of you who are here for the conference, you heard
this all weekend. Anyway, I wanted to jump on here really quick to talk about a
topic that we were not able to get to in the conference, but I had hoped to see
if I could fit it in and it just didn't happen. But what that means is that you
get a special video. So here we are. And that is about how to process grief in
rest. That is something that the Lord has and began to talk to me about and
helped me process through in my own life. And letting go of a living being, you
know, with my little dog. And speaking of her, there she is. Yeah! So
Dawsa is gonna go to a new home. The Lord told me that it was time for her to go
on and get to bless somebody else. Yeah! Yeah! Get to bless somebody else and have
them love on her. Give her an opportunity to be loved on by others.
And she's been my companion for nine years. And I know baby, I know. And she was
at, you know, rescue. And had been, had apparently come through some abuse. You
want to go down? Okay. There you go. There you go little one. Get in your bed. Sweet pig. And she had had some trauma in her
life. You know, gone through an abusive home. And so when I got her, she wasn't
very socialized with animals or people. And so I prayed over her a lot. Spoke
over her a lot. Spoke life. I don't remember. I think I'd had her one or two
years before I began to realize, wait a minute. Instead of being frustrated with
her, I need to speak always positive things over her. So I began to do that.
And she began to change. She began to heal. She began to change. It was wild to
watch. So I have actually been able to find, God has given me, a new home for her.
It just came up yesterday. Sort of kind of the day before yesterday.
Immediately after the conference, while I was having dinner, someone heard about
her and heard that I was planning to, that I was needing to send her to a new
home. Because the Lord had said that it was time for me to move in new seasons
with him. And step out into new things. And that he had wonderful things for her.
And that anyway, it was just, it was just time to, for me to learn to let go. So
obviously after nine years of investing in her and in speaking over her life to
heal her, so that I could watch over her, you know, physically heal and
internally heal from traumas. And I've watched her gain new life. And I've
watched her, I've watched her learn to, excuse me, learn to trust and to be able
to receive love. There's a lot of me invested in her. And then there's a lot
of memories invested in her. And then her in my life as well, you know, she's
healed me. The Lord has used her to teach me some amazing spiritual lessons. And
he has used her in my life to heal me. To bring me a tremendous amount of comfort
in years where I spent feeling very rejected, very alone, very isolated. And
he gave me a companion. So I've had her, like I said, for nine years. And so when
he told me it was time for me to, for her to move on, that was very
because I just assumed that she would finish out her life with me. So the
thought of giving her to another home especially after she has and try to
get through this really quickly so I don't I don't cry but especially since I
had spoken so much life over her and she has separation anxiety. She does not
have it as severe as she used to but she still has it. This fear that every time I
leave that I'm not coming back and I've always told her you know you know
whenever I come back it's the baby you know I always come back and and I'm
always here for you and and we're always gonna be together and things like that
because I thought that that was true and so I was speaking all of that over her.
Well this time one of the things that's very difficult for me to process it with
the Lord that he's probably taking me through right now is the fact that when
I do send her to her new home sometime within the next week week and a half
that and that this time I I won't be coming back. Now I'm hope she is gonna go
to some friends of mine so I will get to see her again so I'm very grateful for
that. So not expect yes I am gonna come back but um but anyway that is something
that the Lord is just gonna have to take me through but I I'm telling you what
there's just been such a gift what the Lord has given me in the people that
have are taking her. They are used to watching they adopt special needs dogs
and so she's not special needs but she's a senior and so she's got health issues
and everything so they are and they're going to excuse me they she's gonna be
their tenth dog so they used to have 28 they are now down to nine. These are
amazing people they're very sweet you'd never know that they watch after special
needs dogs they're doing all kinds of other things. They have a they have a
health store you know and anyway they they're down down to nine and also will
add to their family and be number ten. So they're friends of mine I will get to
see her again but anyway the Lord just couldn't have given me a it's just the
most perfect situation. I'm extremely grateful they because they believe like
I do and for those of you who were here at the conference they were Joe and
Adrienne and they are anyway so they're they're gonna they're gonna take her and
they believe like I do in speaking life over a being that speaking inner healing
over being and speaking physical healing over being. She also is very good at
knowing how to bring dogs back to health and she's got some special diets and
some special things that she does with all of her dogs. She did some of her
dogs are blind you know their dogs there's Joe and Adrienne and some of
their dogs are blind and some of them I don't know there's all kinds of issues
with different ones of them and they just have a heart they just have a heart
for animals and just taking God's creatures and look out after them. So I'm
very very grateful that they opened their hearts to DASA. It's been I wish I
could tell you this story of how amazing and just perfect that God
lined everything up. It was a better gift to me than I had asked for from the Lord.
It was in absolute abundance that she would go to this home because I believe
that with them she will get to actually live several years longer and she'll be
with all these other dogs that I think that she'll finally be able to play with
which was a really big dream of mine that she'd be able to enjoy other dogs
and have fun with them. So the Lord is loving on me and on DASA by giving
her such a good home so I'm very grateful for that. But it was through
that actually that the Lord began to talk to me about grief because I'm very
familiar with grief related to loss of dreams, loss of things like that, but I'm
not very familiar with it related to loved ones. I have lost three of my
grandparents and that obviously was very hard but and then now
my little dog and which is you know kind of like in a way it's kind of like
my tile that she's
you know, shouldn't have anybody else to look out for.
I'm responsible, I'm looking out for her,
I take her everywhere, she's always with me,
you know, we're always together.
And so this living being, you know,
that's been with you 24-7 for,
well not, you know, while I was working,
but you know, all through the time for nine years
and now you're gonna be gone.
There's a grieving that goes on.
So it's not the same as a human being.
My point is that it was through this personal,
it was through this experience
that God began to talk to me specifically
about how to grieve and rest
and grieve from a place of rest.
Because when I lost my grandparents,
I did not know yet about rest.
And so I went through it from different perspectives
and from a different place.
And thankfully they were all healthy,
but, oh sorry, I just placed three of my grandparents.
I'm sorry, I don't know why I said three.
The number just came out.
Lost two of my grandparents,
the other two were still alive.
I think, I don't know who I was thinking of,
that number just popped out of my mouth.
But no, it was of the last two grandparents.
But anyway, so this is a grief that I've gone through
after I've learned about rest.
And in it, I was just feeling so much pain
and saw that, okay, this type of pain,
it's more than just a loss.
There's something here that doesn't feel right.
And so while I was going through this,
God began to kind of explain to me some things about grief
and then had me walk it out,
had me walk out actually shifting into rest
in the middle of my grief.
And then he also has begun over the past few weeks
to explain other things to me about grief
and the loss of a loved one.
And so I wanted to share this with you.
I have been, it's been interesting
since this thing with DASA,
I have now come in contact with three people,
like very close contact that have lost people very recently.
And anyway, so I thought that maybe the things
that I have learned would help you.
There was somebody even that I was counseling
at this Interest Rest Conference
that had lost a spouse in the past six months.
And I was walking them through that.
And I thought, oh my word, Lord,
the preparation that you gave me to be able to,
to be able to get an understanding of the principle
of grief, not comparing an animal to a human
or anything like that.
Talking about how God was talking to me
about the principle of it.
Anyway, so when we're grieving,
there's grief is just, is very normal, obviously.
But there is an element of a type of sadness
and a type of pain that we can actually be
without that the Lord was highlighting to me
as I was grieving my dog,
I was trying to discern what aspects of this
that I was feeling that were good
and then which ones weren't.
And so some of the things that he began to talk to me about
were, you know, as far as the good things go,
that there is a,
there is a,
it's like a connection that we,
in this flood that we feel inside of the special memories
that we have with the person and the special things.
And it just comes in a bit of a flood
and it comes in a bit of overwhelm.
And we can,
and therefore we can,
it comes across, it comes as grief
and it comes as tears.
But there is, and so things like that,
you know, that's good,
where there is a release of some,
of things that have been enjoyed about someone
that need to come,
that need to just kind of come up and out.
Not a release as in giving them up,
but a release as in kind of like giving way to them.
It's a, as odd as it is,
it's almost like a,
an aspect maybe of enjoyment,
of,
things because you know we store memories in the body and those memories
can come flooding even if we can't articulate the exact memories just the
just the place of where those memories are and they're coming up and out and
and it can just be very overwhelming. So a release is in not a there is an
aspect of letting go but it's in letting go of the ownership of the
memory so that you can finally enjoy it and by not holding on to it and and
holding it down deep but that it becomes like a bit more like the river where it
comes up and out and then we give it a bit of release and freedom all of those
wonderful beautiful memories and it's like keeping those those hands in the
river you know how we talked about the hands keeping open hands in the river of
the spirit it's like keeping open hands in a river like that you get to
experience experience that you know the memories and enjoy them without holding
on to them because when we hold on to things it actually ends up bringing pain
and it actually ends up stifling things and bringing death so it's very
important that even with our memories we allow them to we allow them to be free
as opposed to holding them stamping them down oh we can't forget replaying
them over and over and over and over and over and things like that it's because
we will be able to enjoy the the we'll be able to receive the benefit of the
memories more oh good I'm so glad Susan and we'll be able to enjoy the memories
more we'll be able to enjoy the person more in that which we're going to be
talking about just in just a second how we can actually receive more of a person
in the Lord after they die then but then while they lived but then then the other
thing about the about about some of the the aspects of the pain that we can
learn to let go of is is there is an aspect of of loss and lack that we
understand is actually and that where we can have accusation against God of you
know God you you you took them or you allowed it and and it's something in us
even though logically we can walk ourselves through why whatever situation
of the loved one that were that that we've lost why it's best that they left
maybe they were maybe they had cancer and they were really really really
suffering or maybe it was their age and they were very very uncomfortable and in
a lot of pain or I don't know whatever it is sometimes in certain situations we
can kind of talk ourselves through the fact that like well you know this is
best well and so all of that's good but there's still an element of the grief
that that where it's triggering something within us that we believe that
what it is that we're experiencing in other words what has happened that what
has happened is wrong that it shouldn't be that they they that they shouldn't be
gone that the situation shouldn't be what it is and of course we can hear
that that phrase that shouldn't be that's giving us pain that oh I wish
they were here I will oh you know oh if only and and whatever there's something
within us that knows that death shouldn't and and and removal at the
time of death you know in other words you don't get to see them anymore
there's something about that that feels very very wrong to us and I want us to
know that that is actually true that is a true it's a true thing that we're
feeling out of our spirit it's something that we do know it is wrong in other
words it's not the natural way of things however what we have done so so
thankfully let me let me back up real quick and read and I'm kind of close
that a little bit bring us a bit of relief and comfort is we're right there
shouldn't be that aspect of loss and lack at the at the end of death and we
shouldn't have that but Jesus died removing this sting of death meaning
there's always life after death always life after death after every form of
death that is it that happens in Christ there is always life always
So that aspect in which the manifestation looks to us
like loss and lack, like I used to see them, now I can't,
that aspect, yeah, God didn't design us to die, yeah,
correct.
That aspect is actually of a, sorry,
I lost my train of thought.
But anyway, that we shouldn't have that,
that God did die for us, and there any died,
any conquered death, so there's no lack after death,
there's actually life.
So the fact that we're sensing from the other,
this is where I left off, the fact
that we're sensing from the manifestation
that there's loss and lack, something rises up within us
like that is wrong, and that is true.
However, we remember that in the spirit,
God says, regardless of what creation
looks like in the manifestation, remember what my word says.
Because remember, we always choose this word
over the manifestation.
And God says, receive my word, that whatever it is that I say
is true, and I have said that they have eternal life.
People that pass away in the Lord have eternal life.
And so that is something that's true,
that's coming up within us.
But what we unfortunately can do that
causes a tremendous amount of pain
is to take that true understanding of what
the situation is, and we end up turning it against God
unintentionally and subconsciously,
but we turn it against God, and we accuse him.
It shouldn't be like this.
Your character says otherwise, so fix it,
and why is it like this, and whatever.
Even if we understand that they passed away from cancer,
Lord, why did they have cancer?
Why, of all the ways for them to die, did they die of cancer?
We could have all kinds of accusations,
and that creates a tremendous amount of pain.
Remember what that pain is revealing.
There's that pain is revealing a warring within us,
where we know and trust the Lord in our spirit,
but then our soul is in antagonism against it,
and it's at war against it, and like, no, this isn't right,
and no, that's not true.
And the spirit says, yes, it is, and believe it and receive it,
and the soul's like, no.
That warring and that struggle
causes a tremendous amount of pain.
Remember Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane
and how the extent of the amount of stress and pain
that he went through when his spirit
and his flesh were warring.
Now, remember, he always chose his spirit,
but there was a struggle in which it was a process
in which he was overcoming his soul
and choosing in his soul to submit it to the spirit,
but so that's where all of that pain comes in,
the fact that you know what is true,
and then the soul is fighting it a bit.
The spirit knows, so you already know the truth.
You're already standing in the truth.
There's an aspect in which the flesh is like,
you know, the manifestation doesn't seem to back it up,
and there's that frustration.
Then, so anyway, there is that,
and there was one more thing that I wanted to talk about
before I get to the end.
I'm trying to think of what it was
before I mentioned the last thing.
I don't know. If I think about it, I'll say something,
but one of the last things that I wanted to mention
is the fact that, oh, that's what it was,
so in that warring, what do we do with the warring?
We're in a place of judgment, right?
We're saying it shouldn't be like this,
and it should be different.
Do we hear that phrase that we talk about
in the practical shifting tools?
We need to get to the place where we release judgment.
We release our judgment of the situation,
and we stop holding, we stop taking ownership.
We release our ownership of what is going on
and stop holding God,
and choose to stop holding God accountable
to reconcile the situation before we believe Him,
before we believe His word,
and it's more than just believe His word,
like, oh, well, I know.
what God says, I know about what God says, where they're going, and the fact that for me, even
though Doss is not passing away, she's moving on to another home. In other words, just this loss
somewhere. We can all tell ourselves all of the things that we were supposed to believe,
but internally we have to actually choose. We have to choose to release judgment
and stop thinking that and stop requiring that the situation should be different than what it is.
Stop holding God accountable to reconcile the fact for us that they shouldn't have died,
they shouldn't be gone, they should still be here.
Even if someone, like I said, has passed away because of a really serious illness,
well then we have a tendency to go all the way back and say, well God,
thank you for in your mercy taking them in their serious illness so they wouldn't hurt anymore,
but there's an accusation in us of like, God, why on earth did they have to have that sickness? Why
on earth did they have to have that illness? And of all ways for them to die, why did it have to
be that one? We have a tendency to pick something or the aspect of, you know, God, if I'd only had
one more day with them, if I'd only had one more opportunity to reconcile this, that, or the other
memory that we have in our mind. Those types of accusations are things that we grieve. All of
these regrets and worries and whatever that we bring up, it's very important that all of those
things we release judgment. We stop judging them, stop saying that they should be something
different. The fact that I wish that I had told them this before they passed away, I wish that
we'd reconciled this, or I wish that they had said this to me. All of those things we have to
let go of, and by the letting go, we're not saying that they're not valuable. We're saying
that we're holding on to this thing, and we have to choose, and we have to stop being in judgment
that it should be different than simply just what it is, and we just choose to let it go.
Just open our hands is all it is. We don't have to do anything. We just have to stop
doing something, and because those are actually, the pain in there is the accusation against the
Lord that something's not right, and it needs to be righted, and we're accusing Him of not fixing it.
We're accusing Him of the fact that it doesn't reconcile with what He's declared His character
to be, and we need the manifestation. We're requiring that the manifestation match His
character, who we're declaring His character to be, and so we're saying, well, then the fact,
Lord, that you're allowing it to be this way, when your character isn't that way,
is actually reflecting of your character that you're not that way, and whatever. We have all
of these accusations against the Lord, and we just have to let go of ownership of that.
We have to let go of the ownership. We have to release it, and not believe that it should be
different than what it is. That will immediately shift us into rest. We're not saying it's okay
that they died. We're not saying it's okay. We're not saying that it's right.
We're not releasing judgment at all, is the point. We're stopping holding God accountable to it.
Then, once we have shifted into rest, we all remember, once we've shifted into rest,
and we've released judgment first, meaning like, let it go, then we shift into the Spirit.
Then we remember who it is that we are. We stop accusing God of being afraid,
and we choose Him instead, and now from that place, now that we're shifted into
remembering that we are Spirit, and that we are the new man, the new man sees things according
to the eyes of the Father, and now we can view the situation more accurately. We can view the
situation from the eyes of the Father, and be able to see God's character actually manifested,
in the situation, in love, and goodness, and righteousness, and holiness, and care, and
tenderness, and fondness, and anything else that you find when you're in the heart of the Father,
looking back through His eyes, through His desires, back on the situation. From that place,
now you're in a place of, when now you're seated on Christ's throne with Him,
and that throne is the throne of
righteous judgment. Now you're in the position as a righteous judge
looking at things through the eyes of the Father, you can make a righteous judgment of the situation
because you're seeing it through the eyes of righteousness. You're seeing it through through the eyes of the Lord and
and that's when you can look at the situation and discern
was this right, was this wrong, was this reflective of the character of the Lord or not?
But we can't make that judgment
until we let go of the judgment first, we let go of the ownership of that judgment first, then we shift into the place.
Now we have
what's the word for that? It's not that we've earned the place of judgment
but of having given it up first, but it's that we have
we've proven that we're trustworthy
to be a righteous judge. If we release our
requirement that we be the judge, if we release that first, we've proven to the Lord so to speak
that we actually are worthy to be a righteous judge. Yes, go laboring.
Excuse me, go laboring. And the last thing that I want to say is
that the more that we release about something,
someone, the more that we release judgment, meaning that's what I mean about releasing someone,
the more that we release judgment about the situation and
start letting and shift into the Father, shift into the heart of the Father about the situation.
It's what I had to do with my dog. I had to shift into the heart of the Father about the situation and when we do that
we actually have an opportunity
because we're letting go of the things that are keeping us enslaved,
that are weighing us down.
Those things, remember, everything that we're holding, whenever we're holding on to things, we're resisting.
We're resisting something that God wants to give us. Every time we're in resistance,
there's something God's wanting to give us and we're resisting it, right?
That's what resistance is. It's pushing away and keeping at bay the fact that God is sending something.
So when you're releasing your resistance, what is it that you're receiving?
You're actually receiving more of that person
after they've died
than you had of them
while they were on earth.
There's a special connection that you have had to them on earth,
but you have something
more of them
after they've died and this is a principle that we see in Scripture
with Jesus and the fact that he kept telling him,
I have to die and he also kept telling him later, I have to go away.
I have to go back to heaven,
because you'll have more of me because if I don't leave, the Comforter can't come.
Well, the Comforter is the Holy Spirit. That's an extension of Jesus because he's the Holy Trinity, right?
It's another part of the Trinity.
But also when Jesus died and rose again, how did he come back?
He came back as a spirit being.
His body, well, he's our spirit being, he came back as a spiritually transformed body,
which is more than what the disciples had of him earlier.
Remember that he could appear to people on the walk to Emmaus and
then he could disappear from the table and then appear somewhere else.
People could, even in a physical sense,
experience and have more of him than they could
before he died.
So it's the principle that when someone has died,
they have cast off an aspect of the flesh that we interacted with that limited our ability to interact,
limited our ability to connect.
We can connect more in the spirit and in the metaphysical
than we can in the physical. Now when all of our bodies are transformed,
then we're going to even be able to enjoy that to a
deeper level.
But I wanted to point that out. God desires to give us more of the people that are,
you know, our beings that are passing
on.
on, he wants to give us more and allow us to experience more of them after than we
could when they were here because the things of their flesh that were so
limiting have now been broken off. They've now been freed of them and so
there's an aspect about them that's been transformed that you can get to choose
to take part in and be connected with. It's very interesting how that works but
you can have more of somebody after they've died than before. And then, you
know, because they're still living. Christ proved that. You know, he died and rose
again and meaning that we too, you know, are risen again. Yes, God is so good. So
it's very, very precious that God allows all of this, that he allows that
connection. The other thing that I did want to talk about related to connection
is the more that you let go, you know, it feels, it hurts. By letting go, I'm
talking about the no judgment, the releasing ownership. That's what we're
doing. We're releasing ownership. That's the letting go. We're not saying, okay,
it's okay for him to be gone now. It's, you know, I'm actually allowing,
I'm allowing something to be removed from my life because I finally released
my stranglehold. No, no, no. We're not doing that. We're releasing ownership of
it so that we can fully enjoy it more out here. We can fully enjoy it, meaning
like fully enjoy it more with hands open than we can with hands closed. This
brings death. This is life. Constant movement, which is spirit. But the other
thing is, once we choose that God is good and God is loving to the
extent that he says that he is, instead of holding him accountable
to the manifestation that we're seeing and what it is that we're
experiencing and what feels like a loss or a lack or whatever, if we choose him
instead, I promise you, what ends up happening is there are some connections,
especially that are made in the soul, that need to be, that create a
tremendous amount of pain when that person is no longer there. It's like
these, like our connections are, it's like, I don't know, kind of
think of it like the connections have been severed and they're just live on
the edges and they're raw because they're used to being attached to the
other person. Now they're just alive and raw and it just
really, really hurts. Well, the neat thing about releasing judgment, releasing that
pain, in other words, releasing the struggle that it shouldn't be this
way and it should be different, what ends up happening is when we
let go, let go of our accusation against God and choose him and his
character and his word and what it is that he says, immediately, as
y'all all know this from practice, from personal experience, immediately you
shift into rest. I did this, by the way, in a moment with DASA
because I thought, yep, put my money where my mouth is.
God wants me to shift into rest in various areas and now he's
teaching me how to shift into resting, even going through grief. So here we go,
right in the middle of it, my eyes were so red and so swollen that they were
shedding because I've been crying for 24 hours and because I just
basically set aside 24 hours for grieving. Anyway, I shifted
into rest in a moment when I let go of the fact that it shouldn't be
like that. I just let it go and as soon as I did, I shifted into rest. It was
amazing and I could finally enjoy the time that I have, me
personally, because I still have her. I can enjoy the time that I have left with
her, but if the person is already gone, it's still the same
thing in the fact that those raw connectors that are just now cut
off, they now go away. They now heal and you feel more
whole because those connectors actually are removed from you completely.
So it's not just kind of like, oh well, you just have this edge, this connector
that's still floating out there, but then you know it kind of...
It kind of gets a, what would you call it, like a salve or ointment or balm on the end
of it, you know, to kind of close it off, you know, so it'll stop hurting.
No, no, no, the connector is removed.
That's very important because God ensures, always wants to ensure that we stay whole,
that we feel whole.
And if we have all these connectors out there, raw or not, there's nothing that they're hanging
onto and it will feel, I'm talking about how all this feels in spirit with me, with Doss,
it feels like there are all of these connections.
And anyway, so that's why I'm using that.
And also when I have forgiven people in the spirit, I've seen connections between me and
them like, like, like cords or whatever.
So there's like soul ties and things like that.
Anyway, so that's why I'm using this, this picture is in the spirit.
This is how sometimes people see it.
Anyway, the connector itself is just removed because that connector isn't needed anymore
because now you can experience the person so much more than simply just the way in which
you had been connected in the limited way.
It's just these connections.
Now their spirit, and since you're a spirit, and they've been spirit before, but what I
mean is that now that the limitations of their flesh have been broken off and you now get
to experience more of them, you don't need the connectors.
You now get to experience so much more of who it is that they are within the body of
Christ, as well as the fact that they have joined, you know, the cloud of witnesses.
And they do still have duties and responsibilities related to the body of Christ.
They're just doing it from the spirit realm.
And they just don't have this fleshly, earthly limitations anymore.
Anyway, so you'll notice that those connectors end up healing.
And so the connections that we've had with these things, we're no longer attached to
them.
Again, freedom.
We have freedom now to enjoy someone.
We have freedom to enjoy the memories more than the memories, freedom to enjoy them still
because they are still in existence.
They are still alive.
And we have an opportunity to, and having released that resistance, we have an opportunity
to release, in having released that resistance, we have an opportunity now to receive more
of who that person is.
Anyway, it's just very fascinating how all of these things work.
But we have to let go.
We have to let go of that accusation in order to receive more of that person.
We're hurting because we're feeling a loss.
But what we don't understand is that giving up that accusation actually allows us to finally
receive more of them, which brings comfort.
Because it's not just a comfort at that moment.
We actually get to, and in a way, it's like we don't even need to be comforted.
Because why be comforted of the loss of something that you no longer feel the loss of?
Because you have it.
And you now have more of it and more of them than you did before.
I hope this doesn't sound as esoterical, extremely esoterical.
I tried to articulate it as best as I could.
But I haven't had much practice articulating it.
It's just some things that the Lord has begun to teach me.
And so I've begun to walk different people through this, this path of grief.
I knew someone whose mother passed away a few days before the conference.
A gentleman whose wife passed away six months ago.
And then obviously, you know, Susan's grandfather passed away.
Was that two, three days ago?
And anyway, so all of a sudden, I'm just kind of surrounded by all of this.
And I didn't know I was going to when I went through my own grief.
And again, we're not comparing the intensity and the type of grief that it is.
You know, losing a wife versus losing, you know, a dog, you know, a grandfather or a mother.
We're not comparing them.
We're talking about the principle of grief.
And then we're just specific.
We're just specifying about the loss of an actual loved one versus like the loss of a...
of a dream or the dying of something that we wanted,
you know, that kind of thing.
Because there's that kind of grief too,
that I'm very familiar with.
But it was the things about living beings
that I had yet to learn about how to process grief and rest.
So yeah, yeah, God prepared me.
So I had no idea, I had no idea.
But I was able to heal very fast, very fast.
And I still have opportunities to shift into rest
when all of the sudden the realization hits me.
So it'll just teach me a new measure.
But the major threshold, the Lord already took me through.
And I'm very grateful for that.
Because He already dealt with the accusation.
He dealt with just, and I'm just telling you all this
in case it's helpful for y'all.
First, He had to take me through her health
and what I wanted to do about that.
Because she's not, she's got some health issues.
And He had to process, help me process through this,
these terrible accusations that I had against God and myself
about what to do when a dog gets old
and there are medical ways to keep them alive longer.
How long do you keep delaying death?
How long do you keep doing it?
How long do you find new solutions?
And how much do you continue to pay for?
And where is that?
If it's a living being,
I didn't understand how I couldn't, how I could not pay.
How I could not fix the problem for her
to make sure that she stayed around longer.
So the Lord had to process me through that.
And then He took me through letting her actually go
and sending her onto a new home
when I thought that I would have her until she passed away.
And then it's this idea of,
that when she does pass away, she'll belong,
she'll be with someone else.
And then also just the thought of,
Lord, it feels like abandon.
And when that's something that I've always promised her,
I would never do.
So Lord, I don't understand.
Can you reconcile these things for me?
So that is what He's doing right now,
is reconciling that part.
And I'm very grateful that the people that are taking her
have very generously given me time
to already have the home for her.
And I'm gonna get to go see it.
I'm gonna get to go see where she is
and where she's gonna be because she's with friends.
That means I'm gonna get to see her again.
I'm so grateful for that.
The Lord has provided her with a home
that knows, that spends a lot of time actually,
that has all kinds of, at least has a machine
and all kinds of other health remedies
to actually help Dassa live several more years,
not just the one or two that the vet told me
about last October, but several more years.
And I'm grateful for that.
And they can speak life over her,
life over her internally as well as physically.
And anyway, and then they very graciously,
they very graciously allowed me
because I was offered to stay,
the owner, Linda, very kind,
and said, Ashley, why don't you,
you're welcome to just stay here for a little bit,
for a bit longer until we have the next conference
in a couple of weeks.
And well, I didn't know, but what that was doing,
it was giving me time to be here
because the people that are gonna take her
are here in Missouri.
And so because I'm not leaving,
then I get to, and I'm here for a bit,
I get to have time with Dassa
and get to process letting her go.
While already knowing where she's going,
so all of that's taken care of,
but while that getting to enjoy her a bit longer
instead of just having to say a sudden goodbye.
So I'm very grateful for all of that preparation.
And God has blessed me abundantly through that,
and I'm grateful.
But even in all of that, I still get those waves.
And the major threshold of the grief is over.
Those major accusations, I worked through.
There's now this accusation, though,
I'm just being real with y'all so that y'all can hopefully
gain some encouragement through all of this
and understanding that when I talk about things,
I don't want it to sound like, oh,
everything's just easy for me.
And I just know these things are,
I want you to know these things are lived out.
And they're lived out continually,
and God just continually moves us into greater measures
and helps us release more and more.
So I will, excuse me, so now I am processing with the Lord
and having him help me reconcile the fact
that it feels like I'm in a position
where I have told her that I won't ever leave her
and that I always come back and that we'll always be together.
Those are things that I've always told her.
And so now I'm actually, it feels
like I'm going back on my word.
But, forgive all of the tears, but the Lord
is going to explain that to me.
And he's going to help me heal and reconcile that as well.
And I'm looking forward to that.
All of these things, by the way, the reconciliation
of all of these things, and I want
you to know this in case you're looking for words
to articulate from the Lord, that an explanation,
when you shift into rest, and this
is what I mean about reconciling,
something that doesn't feel right,
that is the fact that, like including her health,
the Lord had just relieved me.
And he said, Ashley, relieved me meaning like released me.
That's the word I was looking for.
Released me, and he said, Ashley,
he said, you don't need to be looking for health solutions
for DASA.
Allow her to, allow me to just walk her through a natural,
just take her when I say that it's time.
And of course, this is before.
I was planning on the Lord showing me
that it was time for her to move on to another home.
God was having me deal with this other first, the health.
So understand that when I received peace about it
and he reconciled it for me, I shifted into rest,
and that's all I needed.
He didn't give me an explanation of, OK, well, Ashley,
logically, this is why it's OK.
This is why it's OK that when a dog gets this age
and the bills are like this and the situation's like this,
he didn't explain that to me.
All he did is I shifted into rest,
and I chose him over everything.
I chose him over DASA, him over my desires,
him over everything, and everything in me went still.
And it was all OK.
And in that place of quietness, I
could hear what God wanted me to do and what was OK to do.
He's like, Ashley, this is OK.
This is all right.
So it's going to be the same thing for this other
that I'm battling.
Like, God, I don't understand.
I don't understand.
My heart hurts that I've made her promises,
that now it looks like I am going to actually trying
to heal her from people who did this to her and saying,
I'm never going to do that to her.
And it looks like I'm going to do it to her, right?
I believe that God, I don't know if God
is going to articulate that for me in words
that I can explain to y'all.
Hopefully, he will, so that we can all benefit
from maybe some articulation.
But what I'm fully prepared for possibly happening
is that I just don't know.
just finally shifting to rest.
I'm shifting to rest more and more
about that, about this issue,
about the fact that I've always told her
I'm not ever gonna leave her
and that I'm always coming back,
but then this time I really,
it's like her worst fear
and then I'm making it happen
is what it feels like to me.
That right there, I am fully prepared
that God may just fully,
after I choose to fully shift into rest
because I'm choosing it more and more.
It's hard, as we all know.
It's hard for me, too.
So I don't just tell her,
yeah, y'all just shift into rest, that's easy.
I'm fully aware of the fact that,
okay, well, I've shifted a little bit more
into rest today, but I haven't gone all the way
in this one area.
I'm fully aware that I've got more to go in it
and when I shift into rest in this area,
I don't know that I'm going to have,
be able to say that God has articulated
and explained to me how it's okay.
I just know that in that place of rest,
everything's still.
We know all things,
even if her soul doesn't know how to articulate it,
we know it's right.
We know it's okay in this situation
and that's all we need to know
as opposed to, oh, well,
being able to explain to someone else
why it's okay that, or how God worked it out.
If we need to shift into rest,
we abide in Him and we rest in Him.
As soon as we rest in Him, it's all okay.
Whatever He decides to do is okay
and we don't have accusation anymore against Him.
We're not battling.
We don't have to know.
We don't have to have an explanation of why, right?
So for any of you who are battling some struggles
like that, maybe if you,
and I know I keep going back to this example
because it's a very hard one for us.
If someone passes away from cancer,
Lord, why did they have to pass away like that?
Why did they have to pass away young or whatnot?
There, we may not,
when we go to the Lord, we may not get an art,
a way, we may not get an answer that we can articulate
of, oh, apparently this is why,
but in Him is that peace that we,
that we should, when we shift into rest,
we have that stillness and just that knowing that,
that it actually is okay.