I am having some technical difficulties tonight, so I apologize for taking me a while to get
on.
In fact, I'm still having my husband help me a bit, and so my computer's in the shop.
My other computer won't recognize the camera, so I'm going back to my iPhone.
I'm still having some issues with that, so we are getting it worked out.
All right, so how is everyone doing?
Pretty good?
Good.
All right, so we just got back from a, you know, that training that we're doing for the
next three days.
Well, the next three days were today, and then tomorrow, and then Saturday, and then
my husband used to work with this ministry, and he was out there catching people as they
were kind of falling out in the spirit, and so I had to go out there for the whole church
and say, hey sweetie, just FYI, just to remember what time it is.
It was really sweet, because it ended up, oh, it's right here, oh, you want to take
that off first, yeah, and then pop that on, sorry, I'm showing how to use this, so pop
that on, and then pop that on, and then you screw it, yeah, a little thing, so like, like
I was saying, third time's the charm.
And to use my iPhone, they had to find tape to do this one thing, I'm serious, I don't
know what this, what this is, it's just exercise in rest, thank y'all so much, I appreciate
it, thanks mom, all right, thanks sweetheart, we are here, okay, so let's see if I can get
this tighter, so it'll hold the phone, anyway, so then it was really cute, because they misunderstood
what my husband was trying to tell them, he was trying to tell them, hey look guys, I'm
very sorry, I'm not available, thanks sweetie, I'm not available to, to, you know, continue
catching people, my wife has a ministry call she's got to jump on, and they misunderstood,
and they just thought that he was telling them, hey look, Ashley needs to be heard and
prayed for, because she's got to leave, shouldn't have it, you know, she's not going to be here
for the time for her people to come up, because they were doing it in like sections of the
church, and so I felt really bad, so all of a sudden guys said, oh, oh my gosh, yeah,
bring her up really fast, and I was like, well, that's not really why I was telling
you that, I was telling you that I am not available to help anymore, and they're like,
okay, Ashley, come on, so they, it was really quick, they, I got to be prayed for just really
quick, and then we rushed out the door, and anyway, so here we are, so I'm hoping that
our internet is really good, my sweet mother-in-law has been working really hard to make sure that the,
that while we're here at her house for a week and a half, we're going to be having several of
these sessions while I'm here, and she's worked really hard to make sure that the internet is fast
enough, so all right, I do not know why I've been having such technical difficulties with
the past few weeks during this program, so I'm very sorry, I'm not used to this, I'm used to
laying a little more on top of things, but all right, so enough with all of the logistics,
so tonight, you know, fireside chat, just Q&A, no one sent me any questions, I haven't seen
any pop up in the, in the, in the discussion stream, I've really been enjoying all of the
journey shares, but does anyone have any questions, anything that's come up, anything
that y'all been kind of like mulling over between you and the Lord, stuff that's been,
I don't know, feels kind of like a, like an obstacle, and something that you're kind of
like running into, and you're learning how to like push past, anyone have anything?
I just want to thank you for the,
That video on grief. Oh my gosh, that's so much.
I cried because I also had a dog that I had to, you know, find a home for so it just, but you know what it was so good about it is that it, it doesn't really just talk about the grief it just talks about letting go.
And you did talk about, about how God will help you reconcile.
When you have to let things go, not let's say let it go for good but let it go like just lay it down like just give it all because eventually that's what we'll have to do it.
And that was so good and I'm going through that because my, my, my son's turning 18 next week.
And so I only have one and so I'm going a little bit through that process of having to let go and nobody really tells you how hard that is, you know, you know, when you get that that a that.
Anyway, all of it was just so good.
So, so good. Yeah. Oh good. I'm glad that that.
Sure, you're welcome. I'm really glad that that was helpful because you're right that it's the context was grief of a loss of like a, like a being, you know, whether it be a dog or a person or whatever, but you're right, the bigger point was the fact that
when anything dies when anything will we're surrendering anything to the Lord, giving a dream that we had, it could be a promise that he gave to us, it could be you know something that we want it could be.
Something that we've used in our past, whether it be like a wound that that we hold on to or something that we wanted a sense of belonging a sense of acceptance, a sense of whatever it is that we're being asked to lay down.
Yes, there's a loss is what is.
How do I describe it. What I mean is that it gives us a sense of loss, because it's that sense of death, because remember what I talked about where it's like that.
You've got the resistance, the release, which is going through that veil which is going through death, you know, but remember it's not true death because death is means that there's lack on the other side.
So, we know from the Lord that he's conquered death. So when we go through that thing there's not when we go through that veil now, there is no luck on the other side there's just releasing the rest.
But the point is, we still have to go through that veil so it, you know, historically we we feel and we sense as if there's going to be lack on the other side is if I have.
And now I don't. In other words, loss.
And, and that is where the grief comes in, is this is this sense of in this struggle that we have a wreck of asking the Lord and desiring of the Lord to reconcile this sense of, of having something, and then feeling like we're losing something.
And yet he says there is no such thing as lack. In other words, loss, but we're going, that doesn't make any sense Lord because I had. And now I won't have. I had the dog and now I won't I had the person and now I won't you know I had this secure had this anchor for my security.
And now I won't. So, it's hard for us to struggle with the Lord to reconcile the fact that God says it's actually not lost it's actually not lack, because you're going to everything in me tells me where that it really is.
So, so you're right I'm really glad that that was helpful to and that you caught that you were so insightful is to understand that, that the larger context of the fact that it really is about the letting go and the fact that we do grieve all of that.
Well, I want to say we always but there is an aspect of grief in in that shift and what do we do with that especially with certain things there's a tremendous amount of feeling that comes with it not a little bit but a tremendous amount. So, anyway, I'm glad that that was good.
Does anyone have anything else.
I was really I know she's not on the call tonight, but I was really enjoying
I wanted to point out something that Renata was saying in her journey share I don't know if y'all got to listen to that but I loved how she was jumping on before she did her next live, talking about the struggle she was having before she did her next life
because she was like hey I feel that Lord wants me to do five. And so I've done such and such in like she walked us through her whole emotional process of what it was.
requiring of her to have faith in the Lord.
She's like, okay, you know, you do it once
and oh my gosh, you get this great response.
You're like, okay, that gives me encouragement.
Everybody liked it.
People weren't mean, you know, get 500 views
or whatever it was, it was a lot.
In the end, she's like, yeah,
but what about the next time I do it?
The next time is like the novelty of it
gonna be worn off.
And am I now finally going to experience the rejection
that I've been afraid of this whole time?
And then, but how she jumped on,
because I think by then, I think this,
I think today's with her like third or fourth time
to go live and be talking in Norwegian,
which is why I couldn't watch the lives
because I start watching and thinking,
because the translation of the title of her line
is in English.
So I'm like, oh, maybe she's talking in English.
And then I get on there and I'm like,
I can't understand anything.
I'm like, okay, so it's Norwegian.
So apparently though, she's talking about,
especially today, she said she was talking about
and being transparent about the journey
that she's been going through the past six months,
which has been a very,
which is a very vulnerable story to tell, for her to tell.
And anyway, I just love that before she even did that,
she did a journey share with all of us
talking about how much faith
she was having to have in the Lord,
that God, when I step out there, will you protect me?
Will you be there?
Will you, you know, are you safe?
Am I safe with you?
So anyway, that I was just really, really encouraged by.
I always get encouraged by and strengthened in my own faith
in watching other people's journey shares.
So I appreciated her utilizing the journey share
in the moment, as opposed to an after the fact,
because that's always fun as well.
But I, you know, the ones in the moment
are especially raw and real.
And there's an aspect,
because it's not hindsight, it's 2020,
the aspect of sharing in that raw moment
that is especially vulnerable
to offer of yourself to others.
So anyway, I was very touched by it.
But anyway, doesn't even have anything.
Yes, hi, everybody.
Hey, Karen.
Sorry, I was a few minutes late.
Oh, I was too.
And I'd leave to think, it's my party.
And I was late.
That's okay.
We're all forgiven, right?
That's right.
That sounded amazing.
Yeah, so, well, two things.
I did listen to her.
Is it, how do you say her name, Renata?
Renata, yeah.
Yeah, that was good.
I just listened to it just a little while ago.
That was good.
It was very vulnerable and like you said,
just kind of raw and, you know,
her sharing how she felt and yeah, I enjoyed that.
That was, like you said,
it was right in the moment of feeling those feelings.
So yeah, that was good.
And also that grief,
the grief thing you shared was extremely helpful to me too.
It was, it was just,
and you know, I think I listened to that once before.
Looking back at it, I think I listened to it way back.
I don't remember listening to a whole lot of stuff,
but I think I did listen to that.
Yeah, so-
It was just a few days after the conference ended.
Okay.
After we had seen each other in person.
So it was just a few days after, yeah.
Okay.
Well, it was extremely helpful.
And because as you guys kind of know,
but I'm in the process of kind of letting go of my marriage.
And so Ken and I, you know, we talked Saturday,
but, hi Rita.
Hi Rita.
Hey.
And we haven't talked since Saturday.
We haven't even, neither one of us has contacted each other.
So, which I think is kind of a good thing
because I've really, between this and I'm also doing some,
I'm also doing a little more of the Oaks Rising.
I got to do a session yesterday and it was extremely,
it was really good.
And, but I realized this week that I really think
I do need to just lay that all down,
lay the whole marriage down, the whole relationship down.
And one thing they're talking about in Oaks Rising
is kingdom communication.
And they also have three, they have three classes a week.
I can join into that too.
Oh, wow.
And I just started that this week.
So I'm also doing, I did two with them
and three with you all.
So I've had five classes or no, well, yeah.
Five plus I had a private session too with Steve.
So that's six.
So I've had six sessions.
So I've had a power, power, power.
that kind of week. But I felt like yesterday at the end of my
session, too, I saw my face that some joy returned. So, and I said
it, I said something to Steve, the guy that the, the guy I'm
doing sessions with, he's the founder of Oaks Rising, he said,
Yeah, you can see it on your face. And I had just seen it
before he said that. So, so even though I'm, thank you. So even
though I'm letting go, and it's been, you know, and, you know,
and take it granted, I griefed this marriage last year, I kind
of grieved, because we we split up last year and divorced you
guys. We divorced and then got back together.
Oh, oh, I didn't know that.
Oh, you didn't even know that. I thought you were separate and
that you'd filed but I didn't know what had gone through.
It had gone through.
Oh, yes.
Okay, so I didn't know if you knew that or not. Yes. So then
we got back together in the fall. And so now so anyway, so
this has really been a roller coaster. Yeah, you guys and it's
it's not been easy at all. However, I'm realizing that it's
just time for is what out of this all. So yeah, after six
sessions, and I'm realizing, I just need to work on me. And,
you know, and I really do. And I like how one girl I heard
another girl say yesterday, too. She said, Well, I used to get in
my, the Lord showed me I would get in my husband's camp. But
then he kind of showed me when I got my husband's camp, who was
taking care of my camp.
So I like to actually put that, that cute. Yeah. But anyway, but
I've just got to, you know, God's got my husband, Ken,
God's got Ken. And so I don't know, I really don't know what's
going to happen. And I really had, I really had faith that it
was going to maybe work out, you know, this, this second time
around, I had, and then my spiritual mom, and, you know,
she'd say, Well, I really think you two love each other, I
really think it's going to work out. And then my mentor would
say, it would, you know, it would be God's best that it
works out, you know, and, and, and I know this, I know, for one
thing, he's God's use this to bring out a lot of things in me
that needed healed. You know, and it's funny, my mentor prayed
when we first got together, before we even got together, and
she said, Well, I think it's going to be healing for both of
you. So I took that in a, you know, this sense, but who knows
how God, you know, who knows? So I'm really you guys for to be
the real vulnerable with you coming to, yeah, yeah, coming to
a place in just these last couple of days of, I have no
idea what's going to happen. And I don't, I really don't. And so
it's been kind of a tough week. Um, but a good week in another
sense, because there's also hope, and I'm seeing, you know,
some fruit of, you know, it kind of felt like I told Steve
yesterday, like, boy, it feels like I've been at this healing
journey for so long, you know, and, you know, it kind of like,
you know, what, um, you know, where's, where's the fruit, you
know, where's the fruit, sometimes it's what I felt like
this week. Um, um, but it's the journey, it's the relationship
with the Lord, it's not the outward fruit, it's the, you
know, like you, like you teach, and then we're learning, you
know, it's more about the relationship than the outward
fruit. So he's more concerned about that than anything. But
but I am kind of to a place where I just know, I've got to,
I've got to work on me and, and my relationship with the Lord
and, and, and, you know, that I just, believe it or not, I just
took my Christmas tree down a while ago. I usually leave it
up till the beginning of February, if I put it up, I, you
know, I buy a really nice tree that comes from Canada, and
they're beautiful. And I leave it up as long as I can. So my
girlfriend came over. Actually, the girl. Do you like that? Oh,
I love that. I love trees. So yeah. Yeah. So some people leave
it all year round. I love it. You know what, in my corner of
my living room, I had a little tree, I don't know, three foot
or something on a nice table. And I liked it so well, I had
always wanted a peacock tree, they'll tell you this real
quick. And I put real peacocks, someone gave me some peacocks,
and then I bought all this peacock stuff. And I decided I
liked it so much. I called it my family tree. And anybody that
came over, I had extra ornaments, and everybody had to
put one on.
and I left it up for about three years you guys. Oh yeah and I just loved it. It was my
and everybody got to put a little ornament on it and I had joy and I had peacocks and peacocks.
I may do another one. I may do another one. Yeah so it was just called my family tree
even though I don't have a lot of my own family. I have my friends that are my family and
my family tree may go back up. Yeah who knows but so I just took so my girl that I mentor
came over to do some work and anyway ended up having more real estate stuff today than I
really kind of was out of the blue and I don't know if it'll bear much fruit but
but I took a couple of days or yesterday was just kind of for me. I didn't I didn't I just
didn't have much on my schedule and I was hoping to have a little more time today
but anyway but I just took my tree down which was a little it was it was it was okay but you
know Ken and I put it up and we have a bunch of ornaments that we got together for us and
so it's just I'm in that process too of letting go and you know the outcome's in God's hands and I
you know I'm I'm even feeling a little more now that I don't think it's going to work out
I just kind of have a feeling that they may not and I really had faith for it the other way
until this week so so it's kind of a hard
kind of a hard place but uh you know yeah God's with me. Yeah yeah and you're right yeah God
God's with you and the more that we and sometimes the reason why and I don't know what's going to
happen in your situation you know I just don't know but the thing is that sometimes we can feel
that something's going to work out because we're the ones who are clinging so hard to it we're the
ones who are clinging hard to the outcome so what we have to do is when we're finally let go of the
outcome and put it in God's hands we finally are like oh my word in order to actually let it go
it means that we finally have to get to the point of like okay God you finally get to own it and
control it and do whatever you want and so now all of a sudden it's like oh my word it's a
legitimate possibility because Lord I'm finally letting go of the control of determining the
outcome even though we knew that we couldn't control it there's like this there's this
internal emotional sense that we could and so we grabbed a hold of it so um so anyway my my point
is just to give you just to give you encouragement that I don't know what the Lord has but sometimes
that's why we feel the way that you're feeling of like well I had hope and now it really looks
like it's not going to happen well actually it's simply the fact that we really we've really given
it over to God and it's no longer in our hands and that difference of the feeling makes you feel
like oh maybe God's actually saying no when really it's just that we're used to feeling the other
and so now that that's blank now it's like okay it really is a total release so in other words
the Lord might still do something I have no idea but it's a lot easier for God to do something now
because you're not controlling it so it's like okay now I can control it now I can do something
with it now I can move it because you've allowed you've put yourself into my hands and Ken into my
hands to to um and be to be malleable in my hands so but it's so hard to get to that place it's the
safest place to be in and the most and and where God's will is finally going to be done whatever
that is because that's what we always want but it's really really really really really really
really hard to get to the point that you're that you're at which is like finally the letting it go
but my point is that the letting it go doesn't mean it's going to go away it just means that
you know we're no longer going to control the outcome we're actually giving it to God to do
the outcome so I'm excited for y'all to see what it is that God has for you because regardless
you know if God has y'all stay you know together and he helps and he restores all of that or he's
like you know I actually am doing stuff in your life where you're going to receive healing in a
different direction you know I don't know but whatever it is it's always going to be towards
more love and freedom because of how valuable y'all are to him so that's wonderful you know I
hope and pray that y'all go through as little pain and as less rockiness from this point on
you know as possible because that's what happens as soon as we release everything to the Lord
it feels less rocky it doesn't mean that it's not doesn't still hurt that that up and down
stop because you finally died to it so anyway so
really, you know, very honored that we get to walk through with you during this time. And that
you, I know you've got, you're surrounded by lots of people. I know you, you've got lots of friends,
you've got lots of connections, you know, you've got people in mentoring you, you've got people
you mentor, you've got friends, you know, the Ordways, all kinds of stuff. But I feel honored
that we get to, to be with you during this time. And I know that our faith is going to grow
because of the courage that you're taking in like the links that you're willing to go
in your own life to let something go to the Lord. I have not been asked to do what you're doing and
what you're being courageous to do. And so anyway, and I don't know if you remember, but there was a
testimony also with someone else. Now she happened to have been abused by her husband. She was in
the conference. I don't know if you remember, and she gave her testimony at the very end.
And she said that she'd been abused by her husband. She had divorced him many years ago,
whatever. And after she'd gone to the conference during the testimony time, she said,
I finally forgave my abuser. She said, I called him yesterday, you know, because the conference
went on like three and a half days. And so by the end of the third day, she called him and she forgave
him. And she hadn't talked to him in a while. And she, she said, I was finally able to forgive him.
And it was a good thing because just about, I think it was a year or two ago, maybe it was last
year you died. And she would have had, she would have had the grief of, you know, have carried that.
So my point is like the, the power of what you and what she did of like letting things go to the Lord
is a level to which I haven't, I haven't been in those situations and had to do that. I haven't
had to have, I've had to have the courage of my own situation, but I just still can't comprehend,
you know, the level of, like I said, of courage and risking yourself emotionally on the Lord
in the situation that you're finding yourself in. And so I commend you for that. I'm encouraged by
it. I'm encouraged by my own faith because of it. And, and I'm, I'm really sorry that you're
having to go through this, but thank you again for sharing with us, you know, the, the courage
that you're making to choose that God is safe, that he's safe with this part of your heart,
he's safe with your marriage, you know, he's safe with Ken.
Thank you, Ashley. Yeah. I appreciate that. Yeah.
You're welcome. All my words seem to fall short, but I'm doing the best I can to express the fact
that I'm like really, really grateful for you. Thank you. Thank you. And I did, I did yesterday
and felt, like I said, I felt some, I felt hope and, and some joy back. So today I was a little
tired. I woke up early and, but yeah, I, and, and you all have been, you know, part of this,
part of this journey to help, to help me with, with, you know, the, the tools and,
and, and, you know, to have the courage as this has been part of the journey that's helped me
have the courage, I think, to, to see, to see a way, you know, to see, I just got kind of emotional.
You know, to see that there's a way, a way to, to face all these things and myself
and face them with the Lord. Because I also, I really saw where I had been trying to control
things a lot and, you know, and a lot of things have come out, you know, that I've, and,
and, you know, that really probably been codependent and that, that all came out just,
just in writing and, and, you know, so, so yeah, it's a lot, but you all have helped me with,
to have the courage. Yeah. Well, we're all glad to support you and we fully acknowledge
and honor the fact that you're the one who had to make that choice when you did it.
Yeah. Oh, there's something else I was going to say when you were talking. I was like, oh,
I need to mention this, but I don't remember what it was, but anyway.
Um, does the, oh yeah. And I also haven't gotten to watch your journey shared, Karen. It came in
while I was at, in the meeting and I didn't have a chance to get to watch it yet. So I'm very
excited to get to watch it after this, find out what you had to say. Thank you. I watched
because it was like posted, like, I don't know, 10 hours ago or something, but,
but yours, I hadn't gotten to watch because it came in while I was in session. So.
one have anything for us, and have y'all gotten a chance to
watch, have any of y'all gotten a chance to watch the
international rest group that we did on Tuesday? Did we do
that? We had fun. Three of us had fun. I don't remember what
we talked about. We were very lively. We talked about a
variety of things and, and just brought up some stuff that just
hasn't come up yet. And that, you know, I think that they
found helpful. And so it was just to think of it kind of
like, I sometimes use, like questions that people bring up
or journey shares that of what it is that people that they're
going through, in order to prompt me to, like start to
teach certain things that I think people find helpful, like
how to, oh, that's one of the things that we talked about.
That's right. They were talking about like losing weight. And
what else was with the losing weight, there was something else
I was connecting to it. Oh, that's what it was. I was
talking about like, and then Rita's heard me talk about this
and about choosing yourself. And the importance of that, you
know, choosing that who it is that the Lord says that you are
and delighting in that. And then that begins to heal and fix so
many different areas of our lives, including, like how to
carry that over into like losing weight. And, and I was, I gave
them a recommendation to focus on and so recommend this to
everyone, I think I may have been touched on this just a
little bit in our last rest, rest group recommended, you
know, focus more on not what we're wanting to escape out
what we're wanting to let go of, but more on what on what we're
being drawn to know what more focused on the positive than the
negative. And, and the positive would be like, who does God say
that he is, and believing that he and choosing that he is that
to the degree he says he is those things, you know, how much
love does he say that he is how much goodness, etc. And then who
does he say that you are? And then to what degree does he say
that you're that and choosing that you're that and focusing,
focusing them, you know, all day, every day, the different
aspects of your life of your day that you're going through on him
being that good and that loving and you being that valuable to
be delighted in, and enjoying yourself and focusing more on
the things that bring you life than trying to necessarily face
and overcome things. So, oh, I'm sorry, Rita. So she's saying
that she's struggling with her internet and she couldn't see
and now she can't hear so everybody else can hear me.
Okay. Okay. Maybe you can watch the recording if you're still
struggling. But so anyway, that I recommend that y'all go back
y'all go and watch that if y'all have time for when you get to
hear updates on them how they're doing and then the then
you know, some perhaps the stuff that the Lord found timely for
me to talk to them about in their season might be timely for
y'all as well because it's typically, typically all
correlates at the same time because y'all are all in the
same program. So God's usually doing similar things and
everyone which is why he wanted all of these people specifically
to be in this program during this time. So anyway, um, yeah,
I was trying to think do I have any other questions or anything
that people have been in but I just don't so when have any
questions or any updates or how is it going in your, in your
intimacy and your your growth with the Lord, you're feeling a
connection with him. I noticed a huge difference between last
week and this week with y'all. So that's exciting. Just FYI, by
the way, you might go through, you're going to go through some
more difficult time to go through some more of like, it
looks seriously, you know, I don't believe you program.
Because you continually have to face stuff and then you have to
learn to let that go. And that's why I get this program six weeks.
Rita can attest that the reason I have it for six weeks is
because you have to allow time for life to come up. And she
will tell you it comes up. Very unfortunately, I've been doing
I've been living like this for a few years. I don't know, 10
years now. It was coming up today. When I was in the
and the healing training.
And I was like, oh my word, Lord,
there's some more stuff I have to let go.
So, and I did tell him that I was struggling,
that it was an area of my life
that I was struggling to let go.
So that's another, that's a very important part
of the journey is to be honest with the Lord
that will help you let things go faster.
If you're honest with yourself and the Lord
about where you are on that process of like,
and I told him, it's like, Lord,
I'm not willing to let this go,
but I'm willing to be willing to.
And so that's where I am.
So I'm asking that you take me
from being willing to willing to,
to actually willing to,
and finally being able to let that go.
Because I kept trying to do it,
and I was like, Ashley, you know that you can't push this.
So just be honest with the Lord,
and then he can finally do something with it,
and you'll finally be willing to let it go
if you're honest that you're not willing to let it go yet.
And so, so we're just walking through that.
So I fully expect this thing to get worked up,
but it's important for us to be honest.
We're not to bully our self through the process
because it actually won't work.
So, cause it has to be genuine.
It has to be sincere.
And if we're not there yet, we need to be honest.
It's not gonna fix it just bullying it through.
That's not, it's not real.
And all it's doing is stepping it down
and lying to ourselves,
telling ourselves that we fixed a problem.
And then the PTSD will come back up as another trigger.
So just, let's just get through this thing faster
and just be honest about where we are.
So anyway, so first up, we'll come back up.
What you, I did for two nights, I've done the,
I found finding the rest.
I found it on YouTube.
That when I found it.
So I played it and you know what?
The first night it wasn't that much,
but I found that when I was in that state,
the Lord kept speaking to me
through the whole time that I was, you know,
just like you said.
And then the last night,
yes, last night was so beautiful.
It wasn't, I didn't even realize,
I looked at the time, it was 8.30
and it didn't even seem that it was an hour and a half.
I know.
It was like an hour and a half later.
And I was like, whoa.
And then I had just to, just to snippet,
but it was just so beautiful that I had,
I had told the Lord, you know, I choose you, you know,
don't do some of the exercises that you had given us.
And what he told me, it was very simple, but so powerful.
He told me, receive my love.
And when he said that, I was so overwhelmed with it
that I was just crying and crying and crying
that I, I don't know that I could receive it
because I was just so, just by the words that he gave me
that I thought later, I don't know, Lord,
did I really sit there and receive your love?
Cause I was just so overwhelmed by his words last night.
And so, and then it happened though,
after I said, I choose you, you know,
it's a sin that I said, God, you know,
I choose you no matter what, you know, I choose you.
It just, that's it.
No other, like you said, no other conditions,
just choose him.
Yeah.
And I, I didn't even pray it.
I just said it like that.
And then, and then just like that, you know,
it's just so beautiful.
I wanted to share that.
I was going to share it in a journey share,
but I just thought I'd share it.
I'm so glad that you did.
That's great.
You can still share in the journey share, that's great.
But your talking reminded me to,
to just make sure that you all know that,
and I think maybe I touched on this, I don't remember.
I happened to have a private consultation
with somebody the other day,
somebody not in the rest of tents.
It was just somebody that, you know,
I think had heard me on an interview or something.
And so I was walking them through some basics, you know,
and just like hitting all kinds of highlights.
And one of the things that I, that the Lord just, you know,
prompted me to say was to say, hey, by the way,
when you choose God, what it is that you're,
that you have to do is you have to choose them
without conditions.
And, and here's the thing,
you're having to choose to receive
whatever aspect of himself that he decides to show up as,
before you know what that thing is going to be.
So you're choosing an unknown.
You're not, it's not conditional as in a like, okay, God,
tell me what it is that you are,
or give me a revelation,
or give me a word and tell me like who you are
or a way to describe you.
And so that I can,
and we think of that as though I can like
anchor myself to that.
So I can give myself an idea of like, okay,
what it is that I'm.
receiving. And, and God, when he's teaching us how to have
faith, he'll do that. But when he's when we've matured in him
more, and he's like, okay, then he's like, okay, in order for me
to take you into the unknown in order for me to take you past
the boundaries that you've been limited by this bar, I have to
rebuild reveal an aspect of myself that you don't even know
to ask for. So what I require first before I entrust you with
a piece and parcel of myself, because that's what it is that
he gives us he doesn't give us knowledge about him. He doesn't
give us a new truth that we just hadn't known before. He literally
gives us piece and parcel of himself. And so in order for us
to be entrusted with that, he requires of us that we choose to
receive him first. And we don't know what it is that we're
choosing. But we choose to receive it fully into ourselves
very vulnerably. And it's not until it comes into us that we
receive the knowledge of what it is that we've got. And that's
that's scary. I mean, that's very vulnerable, because you're
taking something into yourself to be affected by it at a very
root level of our existence. And we don't even know what it is
when we chose it, because once it's there, there's no going
back. So it's very scary. So that's what it is that we're
choosing. And so so don't. So just that everyone's prepared.
When you're choosing God, it's that level of, of a reckless
abandonment into the unknown, you're many times you got,
you're not going to know what it is you're taking, you're
receiving it, there's an a general aspect that sometimes
you might have an idea of goodness or love or whatever. But
in order to actually receive it, you can't actually fully know
the degree of what that goodness is, or what that love is, you
just know the word good, or you know, the word love. But when
you in order to actually receive it, in order to actually receive
something new, it's an unknown, and you don't know what that is
when you actually get it. So just FYI, so everyone's
prepared. And everyone kind of like understands what it is that
you can expect to be feeling in the process. There's this risk,
because I really don't know what it is fully. And I'm taking that
thing into me, not knowing what it is, anyway. But that's where
that remember that it's when when God comes in, that's what
transforms us, that's what changes us irrevocably, you
know, and is is God himself again, it's, we're not talking
about learning something new about God. No, this is actually
receiving peace and parcel of himself to the point where it's
what God says actually causes us to change and to transform,
and to come more into alignment of revealing who it is that our
spirit already is. So anyway, I'm very, very excited for you,
Diana, that is wonderful. Yes, isn't it fascinating how when
we, when we go down, basically, you know, into that beta state,
how much easier it is to practice receiving because we
we lowered our, what do they call that we've lowered our, our
inhibition or inhibition. In other words, our inhibition is
our inhibitions. Yeah, is we and then resistance, right? Yeah,
we've lowered the resistance. Yes. We've lowered the
resistance, the obstacles or whatever. And so therefore, we're
more suggestible. Therefore, it's easier for us to receive
from the Lord. So anyway, yeah, because we don't have all of
those what ifs of our past experiences that we keep
throwing at him, and either an accusation or keep using them to
put as a wedge, you know, between us and him of why we're
afraid, why do we don't want to accept why we don't want to be
vulnerable, why we don't find them safe. We're a little more
open, you know. Anyway, that's so great. So that's why I teach
that tool is again, simply, it's not that every time we had
talked to God, we have to go down a beta state, you can
absolutely do it. And, you know, in an A or B waves and
all of that, you know, an alpha or beta or whatever. It's that
if you it's kind of like all of those other restful rest
shifting tools I talked about, the whole point is to get you to
know your certain aspects of yourself so that later when you
become more aware of them, you can more intentionally go
directly to the source in you tell it to shift, tell yourself
what you want of it to do and then start doing it and you
didn't even need a tool. Why? Because you're very familiar
with that part of yourself now. And so very familiar with
hearing God and, and stopping the resisting of him and finding
the resistance and then pushing it out and letting it go and
whatever without using a tool going into theta and whatever.
But that's why I teach the whole theta thing is that it helps us
because
I'm familiar with letting go of the resistance
to hearing the Lord,
and we can hear him usually more clearly, certainly.
So good, I'm glad that that's been good,
and I'm glad that you found that thing on YouTube.
I still, I need to create that playlist.
I didn't get a chance the other day
because I was working on making sure
that those other recordings were uploaded
and at the rest groups,
but I need to add the grief one.
I found that and had to upload it.
But yes, I need to do the whole playlist thing.
So can you hear us good now, Rita?
Sure, internet cooperating, good, good.
Well, you seem to be coming through clear
and not being, you're not freezing.
So anyway, our reception of you is great.
All right, what time is it?
So anything else in the last 12 minutes or so?
Tammy, are you doing good?
Doing good, good.
You're always at the Brooklyn Bridge
or the San Francisco Bridge, Golden Gate,
whatever that is.
You're always traveling.
I'm just kidding, you're good.
I'm glad you're good.
Okay, I can't think of anything on my own.
But I had some, oh, I have some things, just a sec.
Let's see.
So if someone has something that they think of,
jump in, otherwise I wrote down some things
while we were going through my training today.
I was like, oh, guys, some of that stuff
is just really poignant.
I wrote down several things.
It's of course, it was about,
it's about a variety of healing,
it's about physical healing, inner healing,
spiritual healing, and deliverance.
And so I wrote some things.
Oh, okay, so one of the fascinating things that she,
you remember how I was talking the other day
about the importance of journey shares
and stuff like that?
And I said, for instance, I said,
there's the Bible verse, confess your sins to one another.
Well, if you continue the verse,
it says, remember, it depends on your translation
as to how it's translated.
But one of the translations is confess your sins
to one another that you may be healed.
I think that that's really fascinating,
the importance of, because we're holding on to these things.
And I was like, if you just let it go,
then you shift into freedom.
Oh, Karen, that's what it was that I was gonna say.
Because I said, while you were talking,
there was something I had thought of.
That was one of the other things I was gonna say is,
because you were just like,
no, I feel like the Lord wants to work on me and Him
right now and all of that.
But how hard it is to let go of things.
And the letting go is simply choosing freedom.
It's not even, and the freedom is not that we're enslaved
by someone else or marriage or whatever it is
that we're trying to be, or that we're actually letting go.
It's not that, it's that there's some,
it's our attachment to it, our dependence on it,
that is actually weighing us down.
So we can't enjoy the thing itself because we need it
or we're dependent on it or whatever.
And so what you're choosing,
when as hard as it is to actually let something go,
and then Diana, you've been talking about your own process
of going through grief and your own ways,
in your particular circumstances,
what we're doing is the letting go
is actually simply choosing freedom
because that's what God always wants us to do.
He's not like, okay, now stop this thing.
It's bad for you and to stop doing the bad thing.
God's focus is more on the positive.
He's like, you're like, choose freedom
as opposed to stop choosing bad.
He's like, no, no, no, choose freedom.
Just choose freedom.
Remember it's he himself who always says,
focus on what's whatever's good, what's whatever's pure,
what's whatever's lovely, you know, flippy and sport.
He says, always focus on the good things.
And so our father himself is wanting us to choose,
hey, let go because what I want you to do
is to choose freedom.
In the process of choosing freedom,
freedom. In order to choose the freedom, you let go of this when you're choosing it. So
anyway, so it's always moving towards more love, more freedom. That's what all of our
trials and struggles are. And I don't remember, I think that maybe that I've mentioned this
to y'all and that whenever we go through hardships, whenever we go through trials and struggles,
it is always because God is inviting us into more love and freedom. He's just like, Hey,
look, you've already been in, you've been enslaved to this thing by your dependence
on it, whether or not you feel bad about it. And so you just like, Hey, you're just being
brought to the surface right now. And whatever triggers, you know, that y'all are individually
going through, you know, my, my, myself as well. Like get the pain is simply showing
you the end. The pain is simply showing you something that you're enslaved to, but you're
slave to it. Meaning you're, you are negatively affected by whether or not you're aware of
it. So I'm just, so you are now at a point of being triggered and now aware of it simply
so that you can choose to now live in more love and for more freedom than you've been.
But it's not, it's not, it's not this whole thing of like, Oh, well, look, I'm going to
bring something up so that you can see how bad it is and that you just need to stop it.
It's just like, no, this is all there. And it's always there, whether or not you feel
it, whether or not you feel the pain, whether or not you feel the struggle, whether or not
you feel the strife and the sweat, but now that you feel it, it's simply the feeling.
It is simply my invitation to you. It's not condemnation. It's not judgment. It is my
invitation to you to actually live in more love and freedom than you're currently living
in. So anyway, but also think of this when you're praying with the Lord,
ask yourself to God, what would you like Jesus to do for you?
So I noticed that my, I was just very touched by the wording of that question.
What would you like Jesus to do for you today? And it's not a victim mentality of like,
Oh, you know, Oh, I'm nothing. And Jesus come and do everything for me because I'm,
I'm a baby who can't feed himself. It's more like, I'm a son where he says,
he's already given me everything. And I just want him to continually show me
what it is that he already has placed in me. What did he, what it is that I already have.
And I just want to ask him, Lord, can you, can you very gently, that's what David did. David asked,
will you, will you work with me gently, Lord? Will you teach me, but Lord, will you be gentle
with me? He says that in the psalm. And so I've prayed that many times, Lord,
will you please be gentle because I'm just very, very sensitive right now or whatever.
Anyway, so we just go to the Lord and just ask him, Lord, can you gently father me?
Can you mature me in this area? So what would you like to ask Jesus to do for you today? And
wording it like that between us and the Lord kind of helps us
change our mentality from God wanting something out of a psalm word. So we've got to be the
God's strengthening us. It begins to kind of teach us actually as, as, as much as God wants us to
mature and to grow and whatever, he's the one who wants to do all the work because throughout
the Bible, whenever he made a covenant with anybody, he always put them to sleep,
including his own son, Jesus, who was God himself. So Adam, he put to sleep when he create,
when God created Eve and made a covenant between Adam and Eve, he put Adam to sleep.
When God made a covenant with Abraham, he made a covenant. It says in Hebrews 11,
it made covenant with himself and that Abraham was a third party beneficiary. He put, so Abraham set
the altar up and killed the animals and sacrificed them. And then it says that God put Abraham to
sleep and then God may come in. It says, and then it mentions in a, and it says that God passed,
you know, as fire, you know, between the animals and all of that. And it mentioned in Hebrews six,
what was going on in Hebrews six, it mentioned that, Hey, by the way, back in Genesis, that was
God making covenant with himself. Why? Because Abraham was asleep anyway. And then Jesus,
when Jesus died on the cross, that is, it was after his death.
In other words, it was at his death. It was while Jesus was
asleep, that his side was opened, symbolizing just like Adam, with his side being opened and he was
created, that when that Jesus' side was pierced as a symbol of the fact that his bride was being
created from his body, from his side, and then of course we know that we were reunited with Christ.
So even when God made, that God gifted, we were God's gift to himself. Just remember Jesus is God.
So when the father gifted his son a bride, he gifted him with us. We were God's gift to himself
and he put himself asleep in order, and then made covenant with himself in order to give us himself.
So even God himself, that aspect of him that received us was put to sleep. In other words,
death. So the thing is, remember that when God is doing any healing in you, when you are trying to
grow in your faith, when you're trying to grow in intimacy with him, you do none of the work.
He does all of the work. In order for you to grow in intimacy with him, in order for you to get
closer to him, you have to stop working and you have to let it go, and you have to simply receive
more of him. In other words, you have to stop the resistance. If you stop the resistance,
in other words, stop the resistance. Don't stop the resistance and do something else.
No, just stop. You're doing all the hard work now. God's like, not doing the hard work. Just stop
working. And then you'll do it. Because remember, it's like the balloon. The balloon, when it grabs
a hold of that weight, you know, it's something outside of itself. It's that unbelief that it's
grabbed a hold of and it's way down, pulled down into the water. And all it has to do is let go of
that unbelief. And then the balloon, just being the balloon, natural self, doesn't have to swim
to the top. It doesn't let go of the weight and then swim up to the top. It doesn't have to
now do anything. As soon as it lets go, it floats to the top effortlessly without even trying. It's
its natural self. So that is what God wants us to do. So any of this that we're doing, as hard as it
is, all of the pain, all the struggle, all of the suffering that you might be going through right now
and wanting to get closer to him, to be intimate with him, to let him go, understand what the
struggle is. The struggle cannot be sweat and strife and hard work and God, I'm trying, I promise,
and then oh, you know, fighting yourself. The point is to, you're not the enemy that you need to fight.
The thing is, you're already working hard. Stop working. Just stop what you're doing. Stop what
you're doing internally. Stop what you're doing spiritually. Just stop what you're doing,
right? And then you'll naturally do it because you'll just naturally see that everything,
including faith in God, is a gift from God. We have to receive everything from God
while we're completely at rest and then that will do it.
Okay, so this is, well, I was going to say this is fascinating, but this might be kind of like
throwing something in the middle here, but
I don't know, that might be a little out of context. I might have to create context.
But I knew that I had written some specific stuff down that I thought,
particularly for y'all, y'all might find very encouraging because I did,
but I'm not finding it.
Oh, well, some of this stuff is just so out of context because I'm just like throwing
lobbying stuff at y'all. What time is it? Oh, it's 10.01, okay, so it's time anyway. So I'll
throw you that. I'll just lob this one out there. I just thought it was fascinating.
This was just something, this wasn't something that they taught. This was something that came
to me while they were teaching because, and I realized that, I don't know if any of y'all
struggle with the importance of things. I don't know if material things or opportunities,
in other words, I don't know if any of you struggle with like a poverty mentality,
like, oh my goodness, what if I don't have this? You're just holding on to an opportunity or a
relationship or a, in our relationship, it could be like a friend or I don't know, your parents
or I don't know, something, or it could be your material possessions or whatever. I don't know
if y'all struggle with change. Oh, I have? No, I'm not going to have, kind of a thing.
So I just wanted to give y'all some encouragement because I've been
thinking, I've been wondering how did I transition from being
someone that used to save every time a little scrap of paper to
selling 90 to 95% of everything I own? How did I do that? And I
had a I had a like a two and I had a two bedroom two bath home
and I had nice things. I mean, you'd have thought that I was
married. And I had a fully stocked kitchen I was fully set
up. And I don't know, I think my home was about at least 1200
square feet, if not 1400. And I was single, I live by myself,
you know. And, and I just sold it. And I was like, how did I
go from, from from having such a poverty mentality to just
selling everything and just getting on the road and having
nothing but my little car and my dog. And I realized it changed
when I suddenly believed in God's abundance. When I
believed that I can get from God, whatever it is that I
needed when I needed it, not because I got it from him. But
because it was always there, he would always supply it whenever
I needed something. I sometimes didn't even have to ask for it,
he would just provide it, he would just put it in my path,
or he would have someone give it to me. Or I would think that
I'd be in a situation where I needed it. And I found I didn't
even need it. You know, in that was how he provided for me. So
whenever I felt so when I finally realized that that is
who my God was, because my point in bringing this up is like
was another aspect of his character, another way in which
he interacted with me. God is good, God is holy, God is, you
know, he's safe, he's protector, he's provider, and he's provider
and abundance. And when I began to choose that that is what he
was, and that I wasn't in lack, and I didn't need to provide for
myself, but that I could rely on him to provide for me, I no
longer needed the things because as soon as I, because we have a
tendency to kind of collect things around us thinking like,
okay, well, I use this thing in my kitchen once a year, or what
if someone comes over, and they need this, or whatever it that
used to be my logic of why I had the things that I had was I was
always trying to project into the future of a potential need
and make sure I provided it now, in case of a maybe, or a once
every now and then such and such happens. And as soon as I
realized that, and I began to live choosing that live off of
God's character of abundance, where he's like, Hey, look,
actually, I provide for you. I give you all of this. I give you
whatever you need when you need it. I'm like, well, then why am
I keeping it? If God will provide for me during the need,
and I can be without it in all the rest of the time where I
don't need it. Why am I holding on to it again? I'd much rather
live where it just pops into my life right when I need it. And
then I don't want it, you know, and then I use it. And then I
give it to someone else, you know, once I no longer need it,
you know, to do me in the next year when I don't have to lug
this thing around, because I don't need it during this time.
You know, I am telling you what made a shocking difference in my
life. And I've lived like this for a while now to the point
where it's and it's become so natural, my religious reward,
that I've kind of forgotten how I got here. So the Lord just
kind of started giving me some words today to be able to
explain again to other people and articulate to other people
how it is that I got there. And I've known and I began to
notice it more recently when I've been around people who
don't view life like that. And they kept using logic with me
of like, well, actually, you know, I need to be keeping this
because, you know, someday I might, da da da da da, and
someday I might, da da da, I'm like, Oh, my word. I'm now
remembering how many things I used to keep in my life.
Because of, I was protecting myself against what ifs. And I
was protecting myself against the once in a once a year, when
it made my life, when it gave me like some cool little like
thrill, or it gave me whatever to have it around. And I'm like,
yeah, but then it's a burden the rest of the year. This makes no
sense, especially if my God provides for me when I need it.
And that's when it pops into my life. I'm like, that is so much
worth it. Anyway, for for I'm just throwing that in for
whenever help that it might be. So that's totally random. But it
was something that popped into my head this evening. So, okay,
well, I will let you all go. It's good to see you all. And
again, I'm going to jump on and watch Karen's journey share very
excited. And I will see you all on Sunday night then. And let
You know if y'all need anything in the meantime y'all write a question or whatever, and so that we will have some questions on that will jump on with on as far as I chat on Sunday and I'll see y'all.
bye.
Thank you.
Everyone.
bye.