WEBVTT

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I am having some technical difficulties tonight, so I apologize for taking me a while to get

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on.

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In fact, I'm still having my husband help me a bit, and so my computer's in the shop.

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My other computer won't recognize the camera, so I'm going back to my iPhone.

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I'm still having some issues with that, so we are getting it worked out.

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All right, so how is everyone doing?

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Pretty good?

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Good.

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All right, so we just got back from a, you know, that training that we're doing for the

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next three days.

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Well, the next three days were today, and then tomorrow, and then Saturday, and then

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my husband used to work with this ministry, and he was out there catching people as they

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were kind of falling out in the spirit, and so I had to go out there for the whole church

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and say, hey sweetie, just FYI, just to remember what time it is.

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It was really sweet, because it ended up, oh, it's right here, oh, you want to take

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that off first, yeah, and then pop that on, sorry, I'm showing how to use this, so pop

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that on, and then pop that on, and then you screw it, yeah, a little thing, so like, like

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I was saying, third time's the charm.

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And to use my iPhone, they had to find tape to do this one thing, I'm serious, I don't

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know what this, what this is, it's just exercise in rest, thank y'all so much, I appreciate

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it, thanks mom, all right, thanks sweetheart, we are here, okay, so let's see if I can get

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this tighter, so it'll hold the phone, anyway, so then it was really cute, because they misunderstood

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what my husband was trying to tell them, he was trying to tell them, hey look guys, I'm

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very sorry, I'm not available, thanks sweetie, I'm not available to, to, you know, continue

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catching people, my wife has a ministry call she's got to jump on, and they misunderstood,

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and they just thought that he was telling them, hey look, Ashley needs to be heard and

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prayed for, because she's got to leave, shouldn't have it, you know, she's not going to be here

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for the time for her people to come up, because they were doing it in like sections of the

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church, and so I felt really bad, so all of a sudden guys said, oh, oh my gosh, yeah,

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bring her up really fast, and I was like, well, that's not really why I was telling

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you that, I was telling you that I am not available to help anymore, and they're like,

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okay, Ashley, come on, so they, it was really quick, they, I got to be prayed for just really

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quick, and then we rushed out the door, and anyway, so here we are, so I'm hoping that

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our internet is really good, my sweet mother-in-law has been working really hard to make sure that the,

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that while we're here at her house for a week and a half, we're going to be having several of

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these sessions while I'm here, and she's worked really hard to make sure that the internet is fast

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enough, so all right, I do not know why I've been having such technical difficulties with

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the past few weeks during this program, so I'm very sorry, I'm not used to this, I'm used to

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laying a little more on top of things, but all right, so enough with all of the logistics,

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so tonight, you know, fireside chat, just Q&A, no one sent me any questions, I haven't seen

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any pop up in the, in the, in the discussion stream, I've really been enjoying all of the

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journey shares, but does anyone have any questions, anything that's come up, anything

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that y'all been kind of like mulling over between you and the Lord, stuff that's been,

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I don't know, feels kind of like a, like an obstacle, and something that you're kind of

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like running into, and you're learning how to like push past, anyone have anything?

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I just want to thank you for the,

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That video on grief. Oh my gosh, that's so much.

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I cried because I also had a dog that I had to, you know, find a home for so it just, but you know what it was so good about it is that it, it doesn't really just talk about the grief it just talks about letting go.

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And you did talk about, about how God will help you reconcile.

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When you have to let things go, not let's say let it go for good but let it go like just lay it down like just give it all because eventually that's what we'll have to do it.

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And that was so good and I'm going through that because my, my, my son's turning 18 next week.

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And so I only have one and so I'm going a little bit through that process of having to let go and nobody really tells you how hard that is, you know, you know, when you get that that a that.

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Anyway, all of it was just so good.

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So, so good. Yeah. Oh good. I'm glad that that.

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Sure, you're welcome. I'm really glad that that was helpful because you're right that it's the context was grief of a loss of like a, like a being, you know, whether it be a dog or a person or whatever, but you're right, the bigger point was the fact that

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when anything dies when anything will we're surrendering anything to the Lord, giving a dream that we had, it could be a promise that he gave to us, it could be you know something that we want it could be.

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Something that we've used in our past, whether it be like a wound that that we hold on to or something that we wanted a sense of belonging a sense of acceptance, a sense of whatever it is that we're being asked to lay down.

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Yes, there's a loss is what is.

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How do I describe it. What I mean is that it gives us a sense of loss, because it's that sense of death, because remember what I talked about where it's like that.

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You've got the resistance, the release, which is going through that veil which is going through death, you know, but remember it's not true death because death is means that there's lack on the other side.

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So, we know from the Lord that he's conquered death. So when we go through that thing there's not when we go through that veil now, there is no luck on the other side there's just releasing the rest.

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But the point is, we still have to go through that veil so it, you know, historically we we feel and we sense as if there's going to be lack on the other side is if I have.

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And now I don't. In other words, loss.

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And, and that is where the grief comes in, is this is this sense of in this struggle that we have a wreck of asking the Lord and desiring of the Lord to reconcile this sense of, of having something, and then feeling like we're losing something.

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And yet he says there is no such thing as lack. In other words, loss, but we're going, that doesn't make any sense Lord because I had. And now I won't have. I had the dog and now I won't I had the person and now I won't you know I had this secure had this anchor for my security.

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And now I won't. So, it's hard for us to struggle with the Lord to reconcile the fact that God says it's actually not lost it's actually not lack, because you're going to everything in me tells me where that it really is.

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So, so you're right I'm really glad that that was helpful to and that you caught that you were so insightful is to understand that, that the larger context of the fact that it really is about the letting go and the fact that we do grieve all of that.

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Well, I want to say we always but there is an aspect of grief in in that shift and what do we do with that especially with certain things there's a tremendous amount of feeling that comes with it not a little bit but a tremendous amount. So, anyway, I'm glad that that was good.

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Does anyone have anything else.

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I was really I know she's not on the call tonight, but I was really enjoying

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I wanted to point out something that Renata was saying in her journey share I don't know if y'all got to listen to that but I loved how she was jumping on before she did her next live, talking about the struggle she was having before she did her next life

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because she was like hey I feel that Lord wants me to do five. And so I've done such and such in like she walked us through her whole emotional process of what it was.

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requiring of her to have faith in the Lord.

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She's like, okay, you know, you do it once

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and oh my gosh, you get this great response.

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You're like, okay, that gives me encouragement.

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Everybody liked it.

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People weren't mean, you know, get 500 views

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or whatever it was, it was a lot.

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In the end, she's like, yeah,

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but what about the next time I do it?

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The next time is like the novelty of it

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gonna be worn off.

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And am I now finally going to experience the rejection

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that I've been afraid of this whole time?

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And then, but how she jumped on,

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because I think by then, I think this,

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I think today's with her like third or fourth time

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to go live and be talking in Norwegian,

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which is why I couldn't watch the lives

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because I start watching and thinking,

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because the translation of the title of her line

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is in English.

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So I'm like, oh, maybe she's talking in English.

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And then I get on there and I'm like,

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I can't understand anything.

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I'm like, okay, so it's Norwegian.

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So apparently though, she's talking about,

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especially today, she said she was talking about

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and being transparent about the journey

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that she's been going through the past six months,

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which has been a very,

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which is a very vulnerable story to tell, for her to tell.

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And anyway, I just love that before she even did that,

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she did a journey share with all of us

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talking about how much faith

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she was having to have in the Lord,

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that God, when I step out there, will you protect me?

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Will you be there?

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Will you, you know, are you safe?

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Am I safe with you?

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So anyway, that I was just really, really encouraged by.

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I always get encouraged by and strengthened in my own faith

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in watching other people's journey shares.

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So I appreciated her utilizing the journey share

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in the moment, as opposed to an after the fact,

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because that's always fun as well.

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But I, you know, the ones in the moment

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are especially raw and real.

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And there's an aspect,

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because it's not hindsight, it's 2020,

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the aspect of sharing in that raw moment

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that is especially vulnerable

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to offer of yourself to others.

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So anyway, I was very touched by it.

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But anyway, doesn't even have anything.

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Yes, hi, everybody.

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Hey, Karen.

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Sorry, I was a few minutes late.

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Oh, I was too.

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And I'd leave to think, it's my party.

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And I was late.

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That's okay.

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We're all forgiven, right?

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That's right.

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That sounded amazing.

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Yeah, so, well, two things.

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I did listen to her.

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Is it, how do you say her name, Renata?

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Renata, yeah.

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Yeah, that was good.

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I just listened to it just a little while ago.

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That was good.

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It was very vulnerable and like you said,

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just kind of raw and, you know,

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her sharing how she felt and yeah, I enjoyed that.

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That was, like you said,

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it was right in the moment of feeling those feelings.

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So yeah, that was good.

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And also that grief,

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the grief thing you shared was extremely helpful to me too.

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It was, it was just,

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and you know, I think I listened to that once before.

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Looking back at it, I think I listened to it way back.

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I don't remember listening to a whole lot of stuff,

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but I think I did listen to that.

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Yeah, so-

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It was just a few days after the conference ended.

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Okay.

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After we had seen each other in person.

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So it was just a few days after, yeah.

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Okay.

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Well, it was extremely helpful.

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And because as you guys kind of know,

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but I'm in the process of kind of letting go of my marriage.

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And so Ken and I, you know, we talked Saturday,

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but, hi Rita.

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Hi Rita.

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Hey.

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And we haven't talked since Saturday.

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We haven't even, neither one of us has contacted each other.

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So, which I think is kind of a good thing

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because I've really, between this and I'm also doing some,

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I'm also doing a little more of the Oaks Rising.

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I got to do a session yesterday and it was extremely,

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it was really good.

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And, but I realized this week that I really think

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I do need to just lay that all down,

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lay the whole marriage down, the whole relationship down.

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And one thing they're talking about in Oaks Rising

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is kingdom communication.

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And they also have three, they have three classes a week.

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I can join into that too.

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Oh, wow.

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And I just started that this week.

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So I'm also doing, I did two with them

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and three with you all.

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So I've had five classes or no, well, yeah.

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Five plus I had a private session too with Steve.

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So that's six.

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So I've had six sessions.

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So I've had a power, power, power.

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that kind of week. But I felt like yesterday at the end of my

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session, too, I saw my face that some joy returned. So, and I said

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it, I said something to Steve, the guy that the, the guy I'm

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doing sessions with, he's the founder of Oaks Rising, he said,

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Yeah, you can see it on your face. And I had just seen it

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before he said that. So, so even though I'm, thank you. So even

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though I'm letting go, and it's been, you know, and, you know,

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and take it granted, I griefed this marriage last year, I kind

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of grieved, because we we split up last year and divorced you

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guys. We divorced and then got back together.

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Oh, oh, I didn't know that.

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Oh, you didn't even know that. I thought you were separate and

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that you'd filed but I didn't know what had gone through.

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It had gone through.

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Oh, yes.

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Okay, so I didn't know if you knew that or not. Yes. So then

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we got back together in the fall. And so now so anyway, so

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this has really been a roller coaster. Yeah, you guys and it's

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it's not been easy at all. However, I'm realizing that it's

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just time for is what out of this all. So yeah, after six

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sessions, and I'm realizing, I just need to work on me. And,

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you know, and I really do. And I like how one girl I heard

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another girl say yesterday, too. She said, Well, I used to get in

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my, the Lord showed me I would get in my husband's camp. But

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then he kind of showed me when I got my husband's camp, who was

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taking care of my camp.

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So I like to actually put that, that cute. Yeah. But anyway, but

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I've just got to, you know, God's got my husband, Ken,

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God's got Ken. And so I don't know, I really don't know what's

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going to happen. And I really had, I really had faith that it

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was going to maybe work out, you know, this, this second time

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around, I had, and then my spiritual mom, and, you know,

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she'd say, Well, I really think you two love each other, I

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really think it's going to work out. And then my mentor would

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say, it would, you know, it would be God's best that it

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works out, you know, and, and, and I know this, I know, for one

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thing, he's God's use this to bring out a lot of things in me

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that needed healed. You know, and it's funny, my mentor prayed

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when we first got together, before we even got together, and

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she said, Well, I think it's going to be healing for both of

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you. So I took that in a, you know, this sense, but who knows

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how God, you know, who knows? So I'm really you guys for to be

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the real vulnerable with you coming to, yeah, yeah, coming to

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a place in just these last couple of days of, I have no

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idea what's going to happen. And I don't, I really don't. And so

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it's been kind of a tough week. Um, but a good week in another

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sense, because there's also hope, and I'm seeing, you know,

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some fruit of, you know, it kind of felt like I told Steve

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yesterday, like, boy, it feels like I've been at this healing

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journey for so long, you know, and, you know, it kind of like,

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you know, what, um, you know, where's, where's the fruit, you

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know, where's the fruit, sometimes it's what I felt like

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this week. Um, um, but it's the journey, it's the relationship

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with the Lord, it's not the outward fruit, it's the, you

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know, like you, like you teach, and then we're learning, you

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know, it's more about the relationship than the outward

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fruit. So he's more concerned about that than anything. But

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but I am kind of to a place where I just know, I've got to,

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I've got to work on me and, and my relationship with the Lord

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and, and, and, you know, that I just, believe it or not, I just

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took my Christmas tree down a while ago. I usually leave it

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up till the beginning of February, if I put it up, I, you

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know, I buy a really nice tree that comes from Canada, and

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they're beautiful. And I leave it up as long as I can. So my

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girlfriend came over. Actually, the girl. Do you like that? Oh,

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I love that. I love trees. So yeah. Yeah. So some people leave

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it all year round. I love it. You know what, in my corner of

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my living room, I had a little tree, I don't know, three foot

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or something on a nice table. And I liked it so well, I had

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always wanted a peacock tree, they'll tell you this real

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quick. And I put real peacocks, someone gave me some peacocks,

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and then I bought all this peacock stuff. And I decided I

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liked it so much. I called it my family tree. And anybody that

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came over, I had extra ornaments, and everybody had to

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put one on.

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and I left it up for about three years you guys. Oh yeah and I just loved it. It was my

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and everybody got to put a little ornament on it and I had joy and I had peacocks and peacocks.

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I may do another one. I may do another one. Yeah so it was just called my family tree

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even though I don't have a lot of my own family. I have my friends that are my family and

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my family tree may go back up. Yeah who knows but so I just took so my girl that I mentor

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came over to do some work and anyway ended up having more real estate stuff today than I

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really kind of was out of the blue and I don't know if it'll bear much fruit but

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but I took a couple of days or yesterday was just kind of for me. I didn't I didn't I just

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didn't have much on my schedule and I was hoping to have a little more time today

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but anyway but I just took my tree down which was a little it was it was it was okay but you

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know Ken and I put it up and we have a bunch of ornaments that we got together for us and

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so it's just I'm in that process too of letting go and you know the outcome's in God's hands and I

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you know I'm I'm even feeling a little more now that I don't think it's going to work out

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I just kind of have a feeling that they may not and I really had faith for it the other way

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until this week so so it's kind of a hard

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kind of a hard place but uh you know yeah God's with me. Yeah yeah and you're right yeah God

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God's with you and the more that we and sometimes the reason why and I don't know what's going to

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happen in your situation you know I just don't know but the thing is that sometimes we can feel

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that something's going to work out because we're the ones who are clinging so hard to it we're the

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ones who are clinging hard to the outcome so what we have to do is when we're finally let go of the

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outcome and put it in God's hands we finally are like oh my word in order to actually let it go

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it means that we finally have to get to the point of like okay God you finally get to own it and

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control it and do whatever you want and so now all of a sudden it's like oh my word it's a

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legitimate possibility because Lord I'm finally letting go of the control of determining the

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outcome even though we knew that we couldn't control it there's like this there's this

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internal emotional sense that we could and so we grabbed a hold of it so um so anyway my my point

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is just to give you just to give you encouragement that I don't know what the Lord has but sometimes

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that's why we feel the way that you're feeling of like well I had hope and now it really looks

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like it's not going to happen well actually it's simply the fact that we really we've really given

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it over to God and it's no longer in our hands and that difference of the feeling makes you feel

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like oh maybe God's actually saying no when really it's just that we're used to feeling the other

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and so now that that's blank now it's like okay it really is a total release so in other words

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the Lord might still do something I have no idea but it's a lot easier for God to do something now

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because you're not controlling it so it's like okay now I can control it now I can do something

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with it now I can move it because you've allowed you've put yourself into my hands and Ken into my

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hands to to um and be to be malleable in my hands so but it's so hard to get to that place it's the

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safest place to be in and the most and and where God's will is finally going to be done whatever

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that is because that's what we always want but it's really really really really really really

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really hard to get to the point that you're that you're at which is like finally the letting it go

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but my point is that the letting it go doesn't mean it's going to go away it just means that

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you know we're no longer going to control the outcome we're actually giving it to God to do

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the outcome so I'm excited for y'all to see what it is that God has for you because regardless

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you know if God has y'all stay you know together and he helps and he restores all of that or he's

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like you know I actually am doing stuff in your life where you're going to receive healing in a

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different direction you know I don't know but whatever it is it's always going to be towards

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more love and freedom because of how valuable y'all are to him so that's wonderful you know I

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hope and pray that y'all go through as little pain and as less rockiness from this point on

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you know as possible because that's what happens as soon as we release everything to the Lord

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it feels less rocky it doesn't mean that it's not doesn't still hurt that that up and down

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stop because you finally died to it so anyway so

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really, you know, very honored that we get to walk through with you during this time. And that

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you, I know you've got, you're surrounded by lots of people. I know you, you've got lots of friends,

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you've got lots of connections, you know, you've got people in mentoring you, you've got people

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you mentor, you've got friends, you know, the Ordways, all kinds of stuff. But I feel honored

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that we get to, to be with you during this time. And I know that our faith is going to grow

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because of the courage that you're taking in like the links that you're willing to go

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in your own life to let something go to the Lord. I have not been asked to do what you're doing and

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what you're being courageous to do. And so anyway, and I don't know if you remember, but there was a

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testimony also with someone else. Now she happened to have been abused by her husband. She was in

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the conference. I don't know if you remember, and she gave her testimony at the very end.

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And she said that she'd been abused by her husband. She had divorced him many years ago,

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whatever. And after she'd gone to the conference during the testimony time, she said,

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I finally forgave my abuser. She said, I called him yesterday, you know, because the conference

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went on like three and a half days. And so by the end of the third day, she called him and she forgave

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him. And she hadn't talked to him in a while. And she, she said, I was finally able to forgive him.

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And it was a good thing because just about, I think it was a year or two ago, maybe it was last

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year you died. And she would have had, she would have had the grief of, you know, have carried that.

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So my point is like the, the power of what you and what she did of like letting things go to the Lord

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is a level to which I haven't, I haven't been in those situations and had to do that. I haven't

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had to have, I've had to have the courage of my own situation, but I just still can't comprehend,

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you know, the level of, like I said, of courage and risking yourself emotionally on the Lord

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in the situation that you're finding yourself in. And so I commend you for that. I'm encouraged by

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it. I'm encouraged by my own faith because of it. And, and I'm, I'm really sorry that you're

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having to go through this, but thank you again for sharing with us, you know, the, the courage

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that you're making to choose that God is safe, that he's safe with this part of your heart,

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he's safe with your marriage, you know, he's safe with Ken.

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Thank you, Ashley. Yeah. I appreciate that. Yeah.

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You're welcome. All my words seem to fall short, but I'm doing the best I can to express the fact

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that I'm like really, really grateful for you. Thank you. Thank you. And I did, I did yesterday

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and felt, like I said, I felt some, I felt hope and, and some joy back. So today I was a little

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tired. I woke up early and, but yeah, I, and, and you all have been, you know, part of this,

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part of this journey to help, to help me with, with, you know, the, the tools and,

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and, and, you know, to have the courage as this has been part of the journey that's helped me

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have the courage, I think, to, to see, to see a way, you know, to see, I just got kind of emotional.

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You know, to see that there's a way, a way to, to face all these things and myself

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and face them with the Lord. Because I also, I really saw where I had been trying to control

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things a lot and, you know, and a lot of things have come out, you know, that I've, and,

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and, you know, that really probably been codependent and that, that all came out just,

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just in writing and, and, you know, so, so yeah, it's a lot, but you all have helped me with,

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to have the courage. Yeah. Well, we're all glad to support you and we fully acknowledge

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and honor the fact that you're the one who had to make that choice when you did it.

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Yeah. Oh, there's something else I was going to say when you were talking. I was like, oh,

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I need to mention this, but I don't remember what it was, but anyway.

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Um, does the, oh yeah. And I also haven't gotten to watch your journey shared, Karen. It came in

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while I was at, in the meeting and I didn't have a chance to get to watch it yet. So I'm very

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excited to get to watch it after this, find out what you had to say. Thank you. I watched

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because it was like posted, like, I don't know, 10 hours ago or something, but,

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but yours, I hadn't gotten to watch because it came in while I was in session. So.

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one have anything for us, and have y'all gotten a chance to

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watch, have any of y'all gotten a chance to watch the

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international rest group that we did on Tuesday? Did we do

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that? We had fun. Three of us had fun. I don't remember what

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we talked about. We were very lively. We talked about a

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variety of things and, and just brought up some stuff that just

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hasn't come up yet. And that, you know, I think that they

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found helpful. And so it was just to think of it kind of

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like, I sometimes use, like questions that people bring up

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or journey shares that of what it is that people that they're

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going through, in order to prompt me to, like start to

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teach certain things that I think people find helpful, like

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how to, oh, that's one of the things that we talked about.

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That's right. They were talking about like losing weight. And

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what else was with the losing weight, there was something else

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I was connecting to it. Oh, that's what it was. I was

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talking about like, and then Rita's heard me talk about this

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and about choosing yourself. And the importance of that, you

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know, choosing that who it is that the Lord says that you are

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and delighting in that. And then that begins to heal and fix so

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many different areas of our lives, including, like how to

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carry that over into like losing weight. And, and I was, I gave

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them a recommendation to focus on and so recommend this to

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everyone, I think I may have been touched on this just a

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little bit in our last rest, rest group recommended, you

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know, focus more on not what we're wanting to escape out

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what we're wanting to let go of, but more on what on what we're

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being drawn to know what more focused on the positive than the

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negative. And, and the positive would be like, who does God say

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that he is, and believing that he and choosing that he is that

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to the degree he says he is those things, you know, how much

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love does he say that he is how much goodness, etc. And then who

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does he say that you are? And then to what degree does he say

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that you're that and choosing that you're that and focusing,

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focusing them, you know, all day, every day, the different

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aspects of your life of your day that you're going through on him

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being that good and that loving and you being that valuable to

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be delighted in, and enjoying yourself and focusing more on

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the things that bring you life than trying to necessarily face

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and overcome things. So, oh, I'm sorry, Rita. So she's saying

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that she's struggling with her internet and she couldn't see

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and now she can't hear so everybody else can hear me.

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Okay. Okay. Maybe you can watch the recording if you're still

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struggling. But so anyway, that I recommend that y'all go back

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y'all go and watch that if y'all have time for when you get to

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hear updates on them how they're doing and then the then

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you know, some perhaps the stuff that the Lord found timely for

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me to talk to them about in their season might be timely for

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y'all as well because it's typically, typically all

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correlates at the same time because y'all are all in the

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same program. So God's usually doing similar things and

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everyone which is why he wanted all of these people specifically

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to be in this program during this time. So anyway, um, yeah,

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I was trying to think do I have any other questions or anything

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that people have been in but I just don't so when have any

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questions or any updates or how is it going in your, in your

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intimacy and your your growth with the Lord, you're feeling a

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connection with him. I noticed a huge difference between last

424
00:34:07.960 --> 00:34:13.159
week and this week with y'all. So that's exciting. Just FYI, by

425
00:34:13.159 --> 00:34:16.679
the way, you might go through, you're going to go through some

426
00:34:16.679 --> 00:34:20.480
more difficult time to go through some more of like, it

427
00:34:20.480 --> 00:34:23.800
looks seriously, you know, I don't believe you program.

428
00:34:27.800 --> 00:34:31.280
Because you continually have to face stuff and then you have to

429
00:34:31.280 --> 00:34:34.560
learn to let that go. And that's why I get this program six weeks.

430
00:34:35.000 --> 00:34:40.480
Rita can attest that the reason I have it for six weeks is

431
00:34:40.480 --> 00:34:45.520
because you have to allow time for life to come up. And she

432
00:34:45.520 --> 00:34:51.600
will tell you it comes up. Very unfortunately, I've been doing

433
00:34:51.600 --> 00:34:54.560
I've been living like this for a few years. I don't know, 10

434
00:34:54.560 --> 00:34:59.960
years now. It was coming up today. When I was in the

435
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:01.120
and the healing training.

436
00:35:01.120 --> 00:35:02.840
And I was like, oh my word, Lord,

437
00:35:02.840 --> 00:35:05.640
there's some more stuff I have to let go.

438
00:35:05.640 --> 00:35:07.680
So, and I did tell him that I was struggling,

439
00:35:07.680 --> 00:35:09.600
that it was an area of my life

440
00:35:09.600 --> 00:35:11.840
that I was struggling to let go.

441
00:35:11.840 --> 00:35:13.680
So that's another, that's a very important part

442
00:35:13.680 --> 00:35:15.840
of the journey is to be honest with the Lord

443
00:35:15.840 --> 00:35:19.120
that will help you let things go faster.

444
00:35:19.120 --> 00:35:21.560
If you're honest with yourself and the Lord

445
00:35:21.560 --> 00:35:24.280
about where you are on that process of like,

446
00:35:24.280 --> 00:35:25.760
and I told him, it's like, Lord,

447
00:35:25.760 --> 00:35:27.840
I'm not willing to let this go,

448
00:35:27.880 --> 00:35:30.240
but I'm willing to be willing to.

449
00:35:30.240 --> 00:35:31.680
And so that's where I am.

450
00:35:31.680 --> 00:35:33.400
So I'm asking that you take me

451
00:35:33.400 --> 00:35:35.560
from being willing to willing to,

452
00:35:35.560 --> 00:35:37.400
to actually willing to,

453
00:35:37.400 --> 00:35:39.080
and finally being able to let that go.

454
00:35:39.080 --> 00:35:40.840
Because I kept trying to do it,

455
00:35:40.840 --> 00:35:43.960
and I was like, Ashley, you know that you can't push this.

456
00:35:43.960 --> 00:35:45.640
So just be honest with the Lord,

457
00:35:45.640 --> 00:35:47.600
and then he can finally do something with it,

458
00:35:47.600 --> 00:35:51.400
and you'll finally be willing to let it go

459
00:35:51.400 --> 00:35:54.600
if you're honest that you're not willing to let it go yet.

460
00:35:54.600 --> 00:35:56.520
And so, so we're just walking through that.

461
00:35:56.520 --> 00:35:59.600
So I fully expect this thing to get worked up,

462
00:35:59.600 --> 00:36:01.720
but it's important for us to be honest.

463
00:36:01.720 --> 00:36:05.440
We're not to bully our self through the process

464
00:36:05.440 --> 00:36:07.520
because it actually won't work.

465
00:36:08.400 --> 00:36:10.480
So, cause it has to be genuine.

466
00:36:10.480 --> 00:36:12.800
It has to be sincere.

467
00:36:13.920 --> 00:36:17.560
And if we're not there yet, we need to be honest.

468
00:36:17.560 --> 00:36:19.720
It's not gonna fix it just bullying it through.

469
00:36:19.720 --> 00:36:21.680
That's not, it's not real.

470
00:36:21.680 --> 00:36:23.920
And all it's doing is stepping it down

471
00:36:23.920 --> 00:36:24.880
and lying to ourselves,

472
00:36:24.880 --> 00:36:27.760
telling ourselves that we fixed a problem.

473
00:36:27.760 --> 00:36:31.240
And then the PTSD will come back up as another trigger.

474
00:36:31.240 --> 00:36:34.400
So just, let's just get through this thing faster

475
00:36:34.400 --> 00:36:36.480
and just be honest about where we are.

476
00:36:36.480 --> 00:36:40.240
So anyway, so first up, we'll come back up.

477
00:36:40.240 --> 00:36:44.120
What you, I did for two nights, I've done the,

478
00:36:45.560 --> 00:36:47.360
I found finding the rest.

479
00:36:47.360 --> 00:36:49.880
I found it on YouTube.

480
00:36:49.880 --> 00:36:50.720
That when I found it.

481
00:36:50.720 --> 00:36:52.960
So I played it and you know what?

482
00:36:52.960 --> 00:36:54.480
The first night it wasn't that much,

483
00:36:55.080 --> 00:36:59.080
but I found that when I was in that state,

484
00:37:00.240 --> 00:37:02.640
the Lord kept speaking to me

485
00:37:02.640 --> 00:37:05.920
through the whole time that I was, you know,

486
00:37:05.920 --> 00:37:06.760
just like you said.

487
00:37:06.760 --> 00:37:08.600
And then the last night,

488
00:37:10.000 --> 00:37:12.840
yes, last night was so beautiful.

489
00:37:12.840 --> 00:37:14.640
It wasn't, I didn't even realize,

490
00:37:14.640 --> 00:37:16.960
I looked at the time, it was 8.30

491
00:37:16.960 --> 00:37:20.520
and it didn't even seem that it was an hour and a half.

492
00:37:20.520 --> 00:37:21.360
I know.

493
00:37:21.360 --> 00:37:23.280
It was like an hour and a half later.

494
00:37:23.320 --> 00:37:24.880
And I was like, whoa.

495
00:37:24.880 --> 00:37:28.320
And then I had just to, just to snippet,

496
00:37:28.320 --> 00:37:32.280
but it was just so beautiful that I had,

497
00:37:32.280 --> 00:37:34.960
I had told the Lord, you know, I choose you, you know,

498
00:37:34.960 --> 00:37:38.520
don't do some of the exercises that you had given us.

499
00:37:38.520 --> 00:37:43.520
And what he told me, it was very simple, but so powerful.

500
00:37:43.720 --> 00:37:45.480
He told me, receive my love.

501
00:37:46.320 --> 00:37:50.360
And when he said that, I was so overwhelmed with it

502
00:37:50.360 --> 00:37:52.200
that I was just crying and crying and crying

503
00:37:52.280 --> 00:37:54.320
that I, I don't know that I could receive it

504
00:37:54.320 --> 00:37:58.600
because I was just so, just by the words that he gave me

505
00:37:58.600 --> 00:38:01.000
that I thought later, I don't know, Lord,

506
00:38:01.000 --> 00:38:03.000
did I really sit there and receive your love?

507
00:38:03.000 --> 00:38:07.680
Cause I was just so overwhelmed by his words last night.

508
00:38:07.680 --> 00:38:12.080
And so, and then it happened though,

509
00:38:12.080 --> 00:38:15.160
after I said, I choose you, you know,

510
00:38:15.160 --> 00:38:17.920
it's a sin that I said, God, you know,

511
00:38:17.920 --> 00:38:21.000
I choose you no matter what, you know, I choose you.

512
00:38:21.000 --> 00:38:22.400
It just, that's it.

513
00:38:22.400 --> 00:38:25.040
No other, like you said, no other conditions,

514
00:38:25.040 --> 00:38:26.640
just choose him.

515
00:38:26.640 --> 00:38:27.840
Yeah.

516
00:38:27.840 --> 00:38:30.000
And I, I didn't even pray it.

517
00:38:30.000 --> 00:38:31.200
I just said it like that.

518
00:38:31.200 --> 00:38:33.800
And then, and then just like that, you know,

519
00:38:33.800 --> 00:38:35.640
it's just so beautiful.

520
00:38:35.640 --> 00:38:36.640
I wanted to share that.

521
00:38:36.640 --> 00:38:38.200
I was going to share it in a journey share,

522
00:38:38.200 --> 00:38:39.800
but I just thought I'd share it.

523
00:38:41.000 --> 00:38:42.160
I'm so glad that you did.

524
00:38:42.160 --> 00:38:43.000
That's great.

525
00:38:43.000 --> 00:38:45.480
You can still share in the journey share, that's great.

526
00:38:45.480 --> 00:38:50.480
But your talking reminded me to,

527
00:38:50.480 --> 00:38:55.040
to just make sure that you all know that,

528
00:38:55.040 --> 00:38:57.360
and I think maybe I touched on this, I don't remember.

529
00:38:57.360 --> 00:38:58.920
I happened to have a private consultation

530
00:38:58.920 --> 00:38:59.960
with somebody the other day,

531
00:38:59.960 --> 00:39:01.200
somebody not in the rest of tents.

532
00:39:01.200 --> 00:39:02.720
It was just somebody that, you know,

533
00:39:02.720 --> 00:39:05.120
I think had heard me on an interview or something.

534
00:39:05.120 --> 00:39:08.320
And so I was walking them through some basics, you know,

535
00:39:08.320 --> 00:39:10.240
and just like hitting all kinds of highlights.

536
00:39:10.240 --> 00:39:12.560
And one of the things that I, that the Lord just, you know,

537
00:39:12.560 --> 00:39:15.560
prompted me to say was to say, hey, by the way,

538
00:39:15.560 --> 00:39:18.600
when you choose God, what it is that you're,

539
00:39:18.600 --> 00:39:20.480
that you have to do is you have to choose them

540
00:39:20.480 --> 00:39:21.800
without conditions.

541
00:39:21.800 --> 00:39:23.880
And, and here's the thing,

542
00:39:23.880 --> 00:39:27.240
you're having to choose to receive

543
00:39:27.240 --> 00:39:32.240
whatever aspect of himself that he decides to show up as,

544
00:39:33.160 --> 00:39:36.400
before you know what that thing is going to be.

545
00:39:36.400 --> 00:39:38.560
So you're choosing an unknown.

546
00:39:38.560 --> 00:39:42.440
You're not, it's not conditional as in a like, okay, God,

547
00:39:42.440 --> 00:39:45.160
tell me what it is that you are,

548
00:39:45.160 --> 00:39:47.320
or give me a revelation,

549
00:39:47.320 --> 00:39:51.000
or give me a word and tell me like who you are

550
00:39:51.000 --> 00:39:53.120
or a way to describe you.

551
00:39:53.120 --> 00:39:54.080
And so that I can,

552
00:39:54.080 --> 00:39:56.440
and we think of that as though I can like

553
00:39:56.440 --> 00:39:57.760
anchor myself to that.

554
00:39:57.760 --> 00:39:59.400
So I can give myself an idea of like, okay,

555
00:39:59.400 --> 00:40:00.400
what it is that I'm.

556
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.500
receiving. And, and God, when he's teaching us how to have

557
00:40:04.500 --> 00:40:08.400
faith, he'll do that. But when he's when we've matured in him

558
00:40:08.400 --> 00:40:12.500
more, and he's like, okay, then he's like, okay, in order for me

559
00:40:12.500 --> 00:40:15.820
to take you into the unknown in order for me to take you past

560
00:40:15.820 --> 00:40:20.380
the boundaries that you've been limited by this bar, I have to

561
00:40:20.380 --> 00:40:23.420
rebuild reveal an aspect of myself that you don't even know

562
00:40:23.420 --> 00:40:28.820
to ask for. So what I require first before I entrust you with

563
00:40:28.880 --> 00:40:31.940
a piece and parcel of myself, because that's what it is that

564
00:40:31.940 --> 00:40:35.000
he gives us he doesn't give us knowledge about him. He doesn't

565
00:40:35.000 --> 00:40:38.580
give us a new truth that we just hadn't known before. He literally

566
00:40:38.580 --> 00:40:41.680
gives us piece and parcel of himself. And so in order for us

567
00:40:41.680 --> 00:40:45.820
to be entrusted with that, he requires of us that we choose to

568
00:40:45.820 --> 00:40:49.460
receive him first. And we don't know what it is that we're

569
00:40:49.460 --> 00:40:52.860
choosing. But we choose to receive it fully into ourselves

570
00:40:52.860 --> 00:40:57.260
very vulnerably. And it's not until it comes into us that we

571
00:40:57.260 --> 00:41:00.380
receive the knowledge of what it is that we've got. And that's

572
00:41:00.460 --> 00:41:02.620
that's scary. I mean, that's very vulnerable, because you're

573
00:41:02.620 --> 00:41:07.420
taking something into yourself to be affected by it at a very

574
00:41:07.420 --> 00:41:12.100
root level of our existence. And we don't even know what it is

575
00:41:12.140 --> 00:41:14.500
when we chose it, because once it's there, there's no going

576
00:41:14.500 --> 00:41:18.580
back. So it's very scary. So that's what it is that we're

577
00:41:18.580 --> 00:41:23.540
choosing. And so so don't. So just that everyone's prepared.

578
00:41:24.340 --> 00:41:30.460
When you're choosing God, it's that level of, of a reckless

579
00:41:30.460 --> 00:41:35.180
abandonment into the unknown, you're many times you got,

580
00:41:35.260 --> 00:41:37.780
you're not going to know what it is you're taking, you're

581
00:41:37.780 --> 00:41:40.460
receiving it, there's an a general aspect that sometimes

582
00:41:40.460 --> 00:41:43.380
you might have an idea of goodness or love or whatever. But

583
00:41:43.380 --> 00:41:46.740
in order to actually receive it, you can't actually fully know

584
00:41:46.740 --> 00:41:51.020
the degree of what that goodness is, or what that love is, you

585
00:41:51.020 --> 00:41:53.860
just know the word good, or you know, the word love. But when

586
00:41:53.860 --> 00:41:57.340
you in order to actually receive it, in order to actually receive

587
00:41:57.340 --> 00:42:01.660
something new, it's an unknown, and you don't know what that is

588
00:42:01.660 --> 00:42:04.180
when you actually get it. So just FYI, so everyone's

589
00:42:04.180 --> 00:42:08.740
prepared. And everyone kind of like understands what it is that

590
00:42:08.740 --> 00:42:12.380
you can expect to be feeling in the process. There's this risk,

591
00:42:12.420 --> 00:42:17.140
because I really don't know what it is fully. And I'm taking that

592
00:42:17.140 --> 00:42:22.860
thing into me, not knowing what it is, anyway. But that's where

593
00:42:22.900 --> 00:42:27.340
that remember that it's when when God comes in, that's what

594
00:42:27.340 --> 00:42:31.180
transforms us, that's what changes us irrevocably, you

595
00:42:31.180 --> 00:42:36.300
know, and is is God himself again, it's, we're not talking

596
00:42:36.300 --> 00:42:39.220
about learning something new about God. No, this is actually

597
00:42:39.220 --> 00:42:43.020
receiving peace and parcel of himself to the point where it's

598
00:42:43.020 --> 00:42:47.820
what God says actually causes us to change and to transform,

599
00:42:48.180 --> 00:42:53.180
and to come more into alignment of revealing who it is that our

600
00:42:53.180 --> 00:42:58.820
spirit already is. So anyway, I'm very, very excited for you,

601
00:42:58.820 --> 00:43:03.140
Diana, that is wonderful. Yes, isn't it fascinating how when

602
00:43:03.140 --> 00:43:06.860
we, when we go down, basically, you know, into that beta state,

603
00:43:06.860 --> 00:43:11.860
how much easier it is to practice receiving because we

604
00:43:11.900 --> 00:43:15.460
we lowered our, what do they call that we've lowered our, our

605
00:43:15.940 --> 00:43:20.540
inhibition or inhibition. In other words, our inhibition is

606
00:43:20.540 --> 00:43:25.660
our inhibitions. Yeah, is we and then resistance, right? Yeah,

607
00:43:25.660 --> 00:43:28.380
we've lowered the resistance. Yes. We've lowered the

608
00:43:28.380 --> 00:43:31.500
resistance, the obstacles or whatever. And so therefore, we're

609
00:43:31.500 --> 00:43:35.940
more suggestible. Therefore, it's easier for us to receive

610
00:43:35.940 --> 00:43:41.180
from the Lord. So anyway, yeah, because we don't have all of

611
00:43:41.180 --> 00:43:44.820
those what ifs of our past experiences that we keep

612
00:43:44.820 --> 00:43:49.820
throwing at him, and either an accusation or keep using them to

613
00:43:49.820 --> 00:43:53.780
put as a wedge, you know, between us and him of why we're

614
00:43:53.780 --> 00:43:56.620
afraid, why do we don't want to accept why we don't want to be

615
00:43:56.620 --> 00:44:00.060
vulnerable, why we don't find them safe. We're a little more

616
00:44:00.060 --> 00:44:04.420
open, you know. Anyway, that's so great. So that's why I teach

617
00:44:04.420 --> 00:44:07.540
that tool is again, simply, it's not that every time we had

618
00:44:07.540 --> 00:44:09.780
talked to God, we have to go down a beta state, you can

619
00:44:09.780 --> 00:44:14.660
absolutely do it. And, you know, in an A or B waves and

620
00:44:14.660 --> 00:44:18.540
all of that, you know, an alpha or beta or whatever. It's that

621
00:44:18.540 --> 00:44:21.180
if you it's kind of like all of those other restful rest

622
00:44:21.180 --> 00:44:24.420
shifting tools I talked about, the whole point is to get you to

623
00:44:24.420 --> 00:44:27.700
know your certain aspects of yourself so that later when you

624
00:44:27.700 --> 00:44:31.420
become more aware of them, you can more intentionally go

625
00:44:31.420 --> 00:44:35.940
directly to the source in you tell it to shift, tell yourself

626
00:44:35.940 --> 00:44:38.220
what you want of it to do and then start doing it and you

627
00:44:38.220 --> 00:44:40.580
didn't even need a tool. Why? Because you're very familiar

628
00:44:40.580 --> 00:44:44.460
with that part of yourself now. And so very familiar with

629
00:44:44.580 --> 00:44:49.140
hearing God and, and stopping the resisting of him and finding

630
00:44:49.140 --> 00:44:51.980
the resistance and then pushing it out and letting it go and

631
00:44:51.980 --> 00:44:55.020
whatever without using a tool going into theta and whatever.

632
00:44:55.300 --> 00:44:59.340
But that's why I teach the whole theta thing is that it helps us

633
00:44:59.780 --> 00:45:00.100
because

634
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.480
I'm familiar with letting go of the resistance

635
00:45:03.480 --> 00:45:04.320
to hearing the Lord,

636
00:45:04.320 --> 00:45:07.200
and we can hear him usually more clearly, certainly.

637
00:45:07.200 --> 00:45:08.880
So good, I'm glad that that's been good,

638
00:45:08.880 --> 00:45:12.200
and I'm glad that you found that thing on YouTube.

639
00:45:12.200 --> 00:45:14.360
I still, I need to create that playlist.

640
00:45:14.360 --> 00:45:15.640
I didn't get a chance the other day

641
00:45:15.640 --> 00:45:16.880
because I was working on making sure

642
00:45:16.880 --> 00:45:19.080
that those other recordings were uploaded

643
00:45:19.080 --> 00:45:22.240
and at the rest groups,

644
00:45:22.240 --> 00:45:26.300
but I need to add the grief one.

645
00:45:26.300 --> 00:45:27.880
I found that and had to upload it.

646
00:45:28.820 --> 00:45:31.220
But yes, I need to do the whole playlist thing.

647
00:45:32.340 --> 00:45:34.620
So can you hear us good now, Rita?

648
00:45:34.620 --> 00:45:37.700
Sure, internet cooperating, good, good.

649
00:45:37.700 --> 00:45:39.380
Well, you seem to be coming through clear

650
00:45:39.380 --> 00:45:41.580
and not being, you're not freezing.

651
00:45:41.580 --> 00:45:45.660
So anyway, our reception of you is great.

652
00:45:48.700 --> 00:45:51.140
All right, what time is it?

653
00:45:51.140 --> 00:45:56.060
So anything else in the last 12 minutes or so?

654
00:45:58.880 --> 00:46:01.660
Tammy, are you doing good?

655
00:46:03.780 --> 00:46:05.780
Doing good, good.

656
00:46:05.780 --> 00:46:07.500
You're always at the Brooklyn Bridge

657
00:46:07.500 --> 00:46:11.060
or the San Francisco Bridge, Golden Gate,

658
00:46:11.060 --> 00:46:11.900
whatever that is.

659
00:46:11.900 --> 00:46:15.180
You're always traveling.

660
00:46:15.180 --> 00:46:17.420
I'm just kidding, you're good.

661
00:46:17.420 --> 00:46:18.580
I'm glad you're good.

662
00:46:18.580 --> 00:46:22.160
Okay, I can't think of anything on my own.

663
00:46:34.480 --> 00:46:37.080
But I had some, oh, I have some things, just a sec.

664
00:46:39.200 --> 00:46:40.040
Let's see.

665
00:46:40.960 --> 00:46:43.440
So if someone has something that they think of,

666
00:46:43.440 --> 00:46:46.360
jump in, otherwise I wrote down some things

667
00:46:46.360 --> 00:46:49.920
while we were going through my training today.

668
00:46:50.820 --> 00:46:52.580
I was like, oh, guys, some of that stuff

669
00:46:52.580 --> 00:46:55.320
is just really poignant.

670
00:47:05.300 --> 00:47:06.700
I wrote down several things.

671
00:47:08.260 --> 00:47:09.580
It's of course, it was about,

672
00:47:09.580 --> 00:47:11.420
it's about a variety of healing,

673
00:47:11.440 --> 00:47:16.440
it's about physical healing, inner healing,

674
00:47:16.880 --> 00:47:19.080
spiritual healing, and deliverance.

675
00:47:19.080 --> 00:47:24.080
And so I wrote some things.

676
00:47:24.440 --> 00:47:28.480
Oh, okay, so one of the fascinating things that she,

677
00:47:28.480 --> 00:47:30.260
you remember how I was talking the other day

678
00:47:30.260 --> 00:47:31.920
about the importance of journey shares

679
00:47:31.920 --> 00:47:32.760
and stuff like that?

680
00:47:32.760 --> 00:47:34.160
And I said, for instance, I said,

681
00:47:34.160 --> 00:47:39.160
there's the Bible verse, confess your sins to one another.

682
00:47:39.320 --> 00:47:40.820
Well, if you continue the verse,

683
00:47:41.200 --> 00:47:43.240
it says, remember, it depends on your translation

684
00:47:43.240 --> 00:47:44.520
as to how it's translated.

685
00:47:44.520 --> 00:47:46.880
But one of the translations is confess your sins

686
00:47:46.880 --> 00:47:49.380
to one another that you may be healed.

687
00:47:50.360 --> 00:47:52.320
I think that that's really fascinating,

688
00:47:52.320 --> 00:47:57.320
the importance of, because we're holding on to these things.

689
00:47:57.360 --> 00:47:59.920
And I was like, if you just let it go,

690
00:47:59.920 --> 00:48:02.020
then you shift into freedom.

691
00:48:02.020 --> 00:48:04.120
Oh, Karen, that's what it was that I was gonna say.

692
00:48:04.120 --> 00:48:05.800
Because I said, while you were talking,

693
00:48:05.800 --> 00:48:07.240
there was something I had thought of.

694
00:48:07.240 --> 00:48:10.160
That was one of the other things I was gonna say is,

695
00:48:10.220 --> 00:48:11.060
because you were just like,

696
00:48:11.060 --> 00:48:16.060
no, I feel like the Lord wants to work on me and Him

697
00:48:16.380 --> 00:48:17.680
right now and all of that.

698
00:48:19.740 --> 00:48:24.060
But how hard it is to let go of things.

699
00:48:24.060 --> 00:48:29.060
And the letting go is simply choosing freedom.

700
00:48:29.060 --> 00:48:32.540
It's not even, and the freedom is not that we're enslaved

701
00:48:32.540 --> 00:48:37.540
by someone else or marriage or whatever it is

702
00:48:38.120 --> 00:48:41.880
that we're trying to be, or that we're actually letting go.

703
00:48:41.880 --> 00:48:45.200
It's not that, it's that there's some,

704
00:48:45.200 --> 00:48:50.200
it's our attachment to it, our dependence on it,

705
00:48:50.480 --> 00:48:53.100
that is actually weighing us down.

706
00:48:53.100 --> 00:48:58.080
So we can't enjoy the thing itself because we need it

707
00:48:58.080 --> 00:49:01.040
or we're dependent on it or whatever.

708
00:49:01.040 --> 00:49:03.480
And so what you're choosing,

709
00:49:03.480 --> 00:49:06.560
when as hard as it is to actually let something go,

710
00:49:06.580 --> 00:49:08.980
and then Diana, you've been talking about your own process

711
00:49:08.980 --> 00:49:11.220
of going through grief and your own ways,

712
00:49:12.100 --> 00:49:14.660
in your particular circumstances,

713
00:49:14.660 --> 00:49:17.460
what we're doing is the letting go

714
00:49:17.460 --> 00:49:19.740
is actually simply choosing freedom

715
00:49:19.740 --> 00:49:21.820
because that's what God always wants us to do.

716
00:49:21.820 --> 00:49:24.160
He's not like, okay, now stop this thing.

717
00:49:25.420 --> 00:49:28.540
It's bad for you and to stop doing the bad thing.

718
00:49:28.540 --> 00:49:30.780
God's focus is more on the positive.

719
00:49:30.780 --> 00:49:33.540
He's like, you're like, choose freedom

720
00:49:33.560 --> 00:49:36.560
as opposed to stop choosing bad.

721
00:49:36.560 --> 00:49:38.480
He's like, no, no, no, choose freedom.

722
00:49:38.480 --> 00:49:39.440
Just choose freedom.

723
00:49:39.440 --> 00:49:41.640
Remember it's he himself who always says,

724
00:49:41.640 --> 00:49:44.200
focus on what's whatever's good, what's whatever's pure,

725
00:49:44.200 --> 00:49:46.900
what's whatever's lovely, you know, flippy and sport.

726
00:49:47.840 --> 00:49:50.120
He says, always focus on the good things.

727
00:49:50.120 --> 00:49:53.600
And so our father himself is wanting us to choose,

728
00:49:53.600 --> 00:49:57.200
hey, let go because what I want you to do

729
00:49:57.200 --> 00:49:58.520
is to choose freedom.

730
00:49:58.520 --> 00:50:00.280
In the process of choosing freedom,

731
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.360
freedom. In order to choose the freedom, you let go of this when you're choosing it. So

732
00:50:06.360 --> 00:50:13.040
anyway, so it's always moving towards more love, more freedom. That's what all of our

733
00:50:13.040 --> 00:50:18.040
trials and struggles are. And I don't remember, I think that maybe that I've mentioned this

734
00:50:18.040 --> 00:50:24.040
to y'all and that whenever we go through hardships, whenever we go through trials and struggles,

735
00:50:24.040 --> 00:50:29.960
it is always because God is inviting us into more love and freedom. He's just like, Hey,

736
00:50:29.960 --> 00:50:33.760
look, you've already been in, you've been enslaved to this thing by your dependence

737
00:50:33.760 --> 00:50:39.160
on it, whether or not you feel bad about it. And so you just like, Hey, you're just being

738
00:50:39.160 --> 00:50:42.960
brought to the surface right now. And whatever triggers, you know, that y'all are individually

739
00:50:42.960 --> 00:50:49.560
going through, you know, my, my, myself as well. Like get the pain is simply showing

740
00:50:49.560 --> 00:50:56.600
you the end. The pain is simply showing you something that you're enslaved to, but you're

741
00:50:56.680 --> 00:51:02.040
slave to it. Meaning you're, you are negatively affected by whether or not you're aware of

742
00:51:02.040 --> 00:51:08.120
it. So I'm just, so you are now at a point of being triggered and now aware of it simply

743
00:51:08.120 --> 00:51:13.800
so that you can choose to now live in more love and for more freedom than you've been.

744
00:51:14.440 --> 00:51:20.680
But it's not, it's not, it's not this whole thing of like, Oh, well, look, I'm going to

745
00:51:20.680 --> 00:51:25.080
bring something up so that you can see how bad it is and that you just need to stop it.

746
00:51:25.160 --> 00:51:29.720
It's just like, no, this is all there. And it's always there, whether or not you feel

747
00:51:29.720 --> 00:51:33.320
it, whether or not you feel the pain, whether or not you feel the struggle, whether or not

748
00:51:33.320 --> 00:51:38.840
you feel the strife and the sweat, but now that you feel it, it's simply the feeling.

749
00:51:38.840 --> 00:51:44.040
It is simply my invitation to you. It's not condemnation. It's not judgment. It is my

750
00:51:44.040 --> 00:51:48.920
invitation to you to actually live in more love and freedom than you're currently living

751
00:51:49.000 --> 00:52:02.280
in. So anyway, but also think of this when you're praying with the Lord,

752
00:52:04.840 --> 00:52:11.400
ask yourself to God, what would you like Jesus to do for you?

753
00:52:13.400 --> 00:52:18.360
So I noticed that my, I was just very touched by the wording of that question.

754
00:52:18.360 --> 00:52:26.280
What would you like Jesus to do for you today? And it's not a victim mentality of like,

755
00:52:26.280 --> 00:52:33.800
Oh, you know, Oh, I'm nothing. And Jesus come and do everything for me because I'm,

756
00:52:33.800 --> 00:52:40.200
I'm a baby who can't feed himself. It's more like, I'm a son where he says,

757
00:52:40.200 --> 00:52:45.960
he's already given me everything. And I just want him to continually show me

758
00:52:45.960 --> 00:52:50.600
what it is that he already has placed in me. What did he, what it is that I already have.

759
00:52:51.640 --> 00:52:58.040
And I just want to ask him, Lord, can you, can you very gently, that's what David did. David asked,

760
00:52:58.040 --> 00:53:04.600
will you, will you work with me gently, Lord? Will you teach me, but Lord, will you be gentle

761
00:53:04.600 --> 00:53:08.040
with me? He says that in the psalm. And so I've prayed that many times, Lord,

762
00:53:08.040 --> 00:53:12.200
will you please be gentle because I'm just very, very sensitive right now or whatever.

763
00:53:12.840 --> 00:53:17.080
Anyway, so we just go to the Lord and just ask him, Lord, can you gently father me?

764
00:53:17.720 --> 00:53:23.960
Can you mature me in this area? So what would you like to ask Jesus to do for you today? And

765
00:53:25.960 --> 00:53:28.920
wording it like that between us and the Lord kind of helps us

766
00:53:30.920 --> 00:53:35.560
change our mentality from God wanting something out of a psalm word. So we've got to be the

767
00:53:36.520 --> 00:53:44.920
God's strengthening us. It begins to kind of teach us actually as, as, as much as God wants us to

768
00:53:44.920 --> 00:53:52.520
mature and to grow and whatever, he's the one who wants to do all the work because throughout

769
00:53:52.520 --> 00:53:59.160
the Bible, whenever he made a covenant with anybody, he always put them to sleep,

770
00:53:59.800 --> 00:54:06.200
including his own son, Jesus, who was God himself. So Adam, he put to sleep when he create,

771
00:54:06.200 --> 00:54:12.760
when God created Eve and made a covenant between Adam and Eve, he put Adam to sleep.

772
00:54:12.760 --> 00:54:18.600
When God made a covenant with Abraham, he made a covenant. It says in Hebrews 11,

773
00:54:18.600 --> 00:54:24.760
it made covenant with himself and that Abraham was a third party beneficiary. He put, so Abraham set

774
00:54:24.760 --> 00:54:29.720
the altar up and killed the animals and sacrificed them. And then it says that God put Abraham to

775
00:54:29.720 --> 00:54:36.120
sleep and then God may come in. It says, and then it mentions in a, and it says that God passed,

776
00:54:36.120 --> 00:54:40.840
you know, as fire, you know, between the animals and all of that. And it mentioned in Hebrews six,

777
00:54:40.840 --> 00:54:46.200
what was going on in Hebrews six, it mentioned that, Hey, by the way, back in Genesis, that was

778
00:54:46.200 --> 00:54:52.440
God making covenant with himself. Why? Because Abraham was asleep anyway. And then Jesus,

779
00:54:52.440 --> 00:54:56.440
when Jesus died on the cross, that is, it was after his death.

780
00:54:57.000 --> 00:54:59.880
In other words, it was at his death. It was while Jesus was

781
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:07.040
asleep, that his side was opened, symbolizing just like Adam, with his side being opened and he was

782
00:55:07.040 --> 00:55:12.080
created, that when that Jesus' side was pierced as a symbol of the fact that his bride was being

783
00:55:12.080 --> 00:55:17.680
created from his body, from his side, and then of course we know that we were reunited with Christ.

784
00:55:17.680 --> 00:55:26.080
So even when God made, that God gifted, we were God's gift to himself. Just remember Jesus is God.

785
00:55:26.800 --> 00:55:35.360
So when the father gifted his son a bride, he gifted him with us. We were God's gift to himself

786
00:55:35.360 --> 00:55:42.960
and he put himself asleep in order, and then made covenant with himself in order to give us himself.

787
00:55:42.960 --> 00:55:49.520
So even God himself, that aspect of him that received us was put to sleep. In other words,

788
00:55:49.600 --> 00:55:57.360
death. So the thing is, remember that when God is doing any healing in you, when you are trying to

789
00:55:57.360 --> 00:56:04.720
grow in your faith, when you're trying to grow in intimacy with him, you do none of the work.

790
00:56:04.720 --> 00:56:09.840
He does all of the work. In order for you to grow in intimacy with him, in order for you to get

791
00:56:09.840 --> 00:56:15.840
closer to him, you have to stop working and you have to let it go, and you have to simply receive

792
00:56:15.840 --> 00:56:21.040
more of him. In other words, you have to stop the resistance. If you stop the resistance,

793
00:56:21.040 --> 00:56:24.960
in other words, stop the resistance. Don't stop the resistance and do something else.

794
00:56:24.960 --> 00:56:31.920
No, just stop. You're doing all the hard work now. God's like, not doing the hard work. Just stop

795
00:56:31.920 --> 00:56:37.840
working. And then you'll do it. Because remember, it's like the balloon. The balloon, when it grabs

796
00:56:37.840 --> 00:56:42.560
a hold of that weight, you know, it's something outside of itself. It's that unbelief that it's

797
00:56:42.560 --> 00:56:47.840
grabbed a hold of and it's way down, pulled down into the water. And all it has to do is let go of

798
00:56:47.840 --> 00:56:53.920
that unbelief. And then the balloon, just being the balloon, natural self, doesn't have to swim

799
00:56:53.920 --> 00:56:59.520
to the top. It doesn't let go of the weight and then swim up to the top. It doesn't have to

800
00:56:59.520 --> 00:57:05.600
now do anything. As soon as it lets go, it floats to the top effortlessly without even trying. It's

801
00:57:05.600 --> 00:57:12.240
its natural self. So that is what God wants us to do. So any of this that we're doing, as hard as it

802
00:57:12.240 --> 00:57:17.680
is, all of the pain, all the struggle, all of the suffering that you might be going through right now

803
00:57:17.680 --> 00:57:22.160
and wanting to get closer to him, to be intimate with him, to let him go, understand what the

804
00:57:22.160 --> 00:57:30.000
struggle is. The struggle cannot be sweat and strife and hard work and God, I'm trying, I promise,

805
00:57:30.000 --> 00:57:36.160
and then oh, you know, fighting yourself. The point is to, you're not the enemy that you need to fight.

806
00:57:37.040 --> 00:57:44.000
The thing is, you're already working hard. Stop working. Just stop what you're doing. Stop what

807
00:57:44.000 --> 00:57:47.120
you're doing internally. Stop what you're doing spiritually. Just stop what you're doing,

808
00:57:47.920 --> 00:57:52.080
right? And then you'll naturally do it because you'll just naturally see that everything,

809
00:57:52.080 --> 00:57:58.800
including faith in God, is a gift from God. We have to receive everything from God

810
00:57:59.680 --> 00:58:02.080
while we're completely at rest and then that will do it.

811
00:58:06.880 --> 00:58:12.880
Okay, so this is, well, I was going to say this is fascinating, but this might be kind of like

812
00:58:15.120 --> 00:58:18.160
throwing something in the middle here, but

813
00:58:20.720 --> 00:58:24.160
I don't know, that might be a little out of context. I might have to create context.

814
00:58:24.160 --> 00:58:30.880
But I knew that I had written some specific stuff down that I thought,

815
00:58:31.440 --> 00:58:37.280
particularly for y'all, y'all might find very encouraging because I did,

816
00:58:40.240 --> 00:58:41.520
but I'm not finding it.

817
00:58:46.000 --> 00:58:53.760
Oh, well, some of this stuff is just so out of context because I'm just like throwing

818
00:58:54.080 --> 00:58:58.160
lobbying stuff at y'all. What time is it? Oh, it's 10.01, okay, so it's time anyway. So I'll

819
00:58:58.160 --> 00:59:02.480
throw you that. I'll just lob this one out there. I just thought it was fascinating.

820
00:59:03.120 --> 00:59:06.720
This was just something, this wasn't something that they taught. This was something that came

821
00:59:06.720 --> 00:59:13.600
to me while they were teaching because, and I realized that, I don't know if any of y'all

822
00:59:13.600 --> 00:59:22.720
struggle with the importance of things. I don't know if material things or opportunities,

823
00:59:23.760 --> 00:59:28.640
in other words, I don't know if any of you struggle with like a poverty mentality,

824
00:59:28.640 --> 00:59:37.360
like, oh my goodness, what if I don't have this? You're just holding on to an opportunity or a

825
00:59:37.360 --> 00:59:42.880
relationship or a, in our relationship, it could be like a friend or I don't know, your parents

826
00:59:42.880 --> 00:59:48.240
or I don't know, something, or it could be your material possessions or whatever. I don't know

827
00:59:48.320 --> 00:59:55.360
if y'all struggle with change. Oh, I have? No, I'm not going to have, kind of a thing.

828
00:59:57.040 --> 00:59:59.840
So I just wanted to give y'all some encouragement because I've been

829
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.300
thinking, I've been wondering how did I transition from being

830
01:00:03.300 --> 01:00:06.720
someone that used to save every time a little scrap of paper to

831
01:00:06.740 --> 01:00:12.080
selling 90 to 95% of everything I own? How did I do that? And I

832
01:00:12.080 --> 01:00:17.400
had a I had a like a two and I had a two bedroom two bath home

833
01:00:17.600 --> 01:00:20.800
and I had nice things. I mean, you'd have thought that I was

834
01:00:20.800 --> 01:00:26.240
married. And I had a fully stocked kitchen I was fully set

835
01:00:26.240 --> 01:00:30.600
up. And I don't know, I think my home was about at least 1200

836
01:00:30.600 --> 01:00:33.800
square feet, if not 1400. And I was single, I live by myself,

837
01:00:34.360 --> 01:00:39.800
you know. And, and I just sold it. And I was like, how did I

838
01:00:40.120 --> 01:00:44.360
go from, from from having such a poverty mentality to just

839
01:00:44.360 --> 01:00:46.520
selling everything and just getting on the road and having

840
01:00:46.520 --> 01:00:50.640
nothing but my little car and my dog. And I realized it changed

841
01:00:50.640 --> 01:00:54.040
when I suddenly believed in God's abundance. When I

842
01:00:54.040 --> 01:00:56.960
believed that I can get from God, whatever it is that I

843
01:00:56.960 --> 01:01:00.680
needed when I needed it, not because I got it from him. But

844
01:01:00.680 --> 01:01:03.120
because it was always there, he would always supply it whenever

845
01:01:03.120 --> 01:01:06.400
I needed something. I sometimes didn't even have to ask for it,

846
01:01:06.440 --> 01:01:08.600
he would just provide it, he would just put it in my path,

847
01:01:08.600 --> 01:01:13.000
or he would have someone give it to me. Or I would think that

848
01:01:13.000 --> 01:01:15.120
I'd be in a situation where I needed it. And I found I didn't

849
01:01:15.120 --> 01:01:18.960
even need it. You know, in that was how he provided for me. So

850
01:01:18.960 --> 01:01:23.520
whenever I felt so when I finally realized that that is

851
01:01:23.520 --> 01:01:26.560
who my God was, because my point in bringing this up is like

852
01:01:26.560 --> 01:01:29.160
was another aspect of his character, another way in which

853
01:01:29.160 --> 01:01:34.680
he interacted with me. God is good, God is holy, God is, you

854
01:01:34.680 --> 01:01:38.920
know, he's safe, he's protector, he's provider, and he's provider

855
01:01:38.920 --> 01:01:44.400
and abundance. And when I began to choose that that is what he

856
01:01:44.400 --> 01:01:47.520
was, and that I wasn't in lack, and I didn't need to provide for

857
01:01:47.520 --> 01:01:50.880
myself, but that I could rely on him to provide for me, I no

858
01:01:50.880 --> 01:01:56.680
longer needed the things because as soon as I, because we have a

859
01:01:56.680 --> 01:02:00.240
tendency to kind of collect things around us thinking like,

860
01:02:00.240 --> 01:02:06.120
okay, well, I use this thing in my kitchen once a year, or what

861
01:02:06.120 --> 01:02:11.400
if someone comes over, and they need this, or whatever it that

862
01:02:11.400 --> 01:02:16.440
used to be my logic of why I had the things that I had was I was

863
01:02:16.440 --> 01:02:21.360
always trying to project into the future of a potential need

864
01:02:21.360 --> 01:02:27.840
and make sure I provided it now, in case of a maybe, or a once

865
01:02:27.840 --> 01:02:32.640
every now and then such and such happens. And as soon as I

866
01:02:32.640 --> 01:02:37.160
realized that, and I began to live choosing that live off of

867
01:02:37.160 --> 01:02:39.680
God's character of abundance, where he's like, Hey, look,

868
01:02:39.680 --> 01:02:43.480
actually, I provide for you. I give you all of this. I give you

869
01:02:43.480 --> 01:02:46.760
whatever you need when you need it. I'm like, well, then why am

870
01:02:46.760 --> 01:02:51.080
I keeping it? If God will provide for me during the need,

871
01:02:51.120 --> 01:02:54.160
and I can be without it in all the rest of the time where I

872
01:02:54.160 --> 01:02:58.560
don't need it. Why am I holding on to it again? I'd much rather

873
01:02:58.560 --> 01:03:02.960
live where it just pops into my life right when I need it. And

874
01:03:02.960 --> 01:03:06.400
then I don't want it, you know, and then I use it. And then I

875
01:03:06.400 --> 01:03:09.120
give it to someone else, you know, once I no longer need it,

876
01:03:09.120 --> 01:03:12.840
you know, to do me in the next year when I don't have to lug

877
01:03:12.840 --> 01:03:15.480
this thing around, because I don't need it during this time.

878
01:03:15.520 --> 01:03:20.440
You know, I am telling you what made a shocking difference in my

879
01:03:20.440 --> 01:03:23.200
life. And I've lived like this for a while now to the point

880
01:03:23.200 --> 01:03:25.960
where it's and it's become so natural, my religious reward,

881
01:03:26.280 --> 01:03:31.440
that I've kind of forgotten how I got here. So the Lord just

882
01:03:31.440 --> 01:03:33.400
kind of started giving me some words today to be able to

883
01:03:33.400 --> 01:03:35.760
explain again to other people and articulate to other people

884
01:03:35.760 --> 01:03:38.600
how it is that I got there. And I've known and I began to

885
01:03:38.600 --> 01:03:42.280
notice it more recently when I've been around people who

886
01:03:42.760 --> 01:03:46.560
don't view life like that. And they kept using logic with me

887
01:03:46.560 --> 01:03:48.760
of like, well, actually, you know, I need to be keeping this

888
01:03:48.760 --> 01:03:52.680
because, you know, someday I might, da da da da da, and

889
01:03:52.680 --> 01:03:56.400
someday I might, da da da, I'm like, Oh, my word. I'm now

890
01:03:56.400 --> 01:03:59.360
remembering how many things I used to keep in my life.

891
01:03:59.960 --> 01:04:05.320
Because of, I was protecting myself against what ifs. And I

892
01:04:05.320 --> 01:04:09.440
was protecting myself against the once in a once a year, when

893
01:04:09.480 --> 01:04:13.640
it made my life, when it gave me like some cool little like

894
01:04:13.640 --> 01:04:18.000
thrill, or it gave me whatever to have it around. And I'm like,

895
01:04:18.240 --> 01:04:23.920
yeah, but then it's a burden the rest of the year. This makes no

896
01:04:23.920 --> 01:04:27.640
sense, especially if my God provides for me when I need it.

897
01:04:27.920 --> 01:04:30.480
And that's when it pops into my life. I'm like, that is so much

898
01:04:30.480 --> 01:04:35.160
worth it. Anyway, for for I'm just throwing that in for

899
01:04:35.160 --> 01:04:38.600
whenever help that it might be. So that's totally random. But it

900
01:04:38.600 --> 01:04:43.680
was something that popped into my head this evening. So, okay,

901
01:04:43.720 --> 01:04:49.520
well, I will let you all go. It's good to see you all. And

902
01:04:50.120 --> 01:04:53.600
again, I'm going to jump on and watch Karen's journey share very

903
01:04:53.600 --> 01:05:00.040
excited. And I will see you all on Sunday night then. And let

904
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:12.840
You know if y'all need anything in the meantime y'all write a question or whatever, and so that we will have some questions on that will jump on with on as far as I chat on Sunday and I'll see y'all.

905
01:05:13.680 --> 01:05:14.200
bye.

906
01:05:14.600 --> 01:05:15.240
Thank you.

907
01:05:17.920 --> 01:05:18.600
Everyone.

908
01:05:19.440 --> 01:05:20.120
bye.