I'm going to go ahead and turn it back on.
Hey there.
Hey.
How are you?
I'm good.
I finally made it.
How about you?
I'm excited I made it because I was so worried.
I was trying so hard not to be late.
I'm not.
Yay.
Yay me.
That was the boat I was in.
Abby came in while I was in the shower.
Mom, you have 20 minutes.
I know.
That's so cute.
We look fresh.
Yeah.
The family effort for me to get here.
That's so sweet.
I'm so excited.
How about you?
I made it.
I've been busy.
Painting the pumpkin orange wall.
Oh my goodness, yes.
Nothing will cover it either.
Really?
The purple finally covered.
The gray didn't want to cover.
It was a glossy orange.
I'm so excited.
It will be another shiplap wall.
I'm sorry.
It will look good when it's done.
I was going to say.
It will be nice.
This will be more effort.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
It will be the nicest apartment garage ever.
I'm so excited.
Are you still at your friend's house?
No, I'm at my parent's house.
I'm in the room I always stay in.
It was my old room.
I'm in my old room at my parent's house.
I'm staying at my friend's house, yes.
Currently, I'm not there.
I'm in the garage.
I'm selling my stuff there as well.
They live about an hour and a half from where my friend and I live.
My parents live only about half an hour from where her parents live.
I'm doing the garage sale the next couple of days.
I went today so we could organize everything.
We're going to start the garage sale at seven o'clock tomorrow morning.
I'm going to get there around six.
Then we're going to do the garage sale.
We didn't know when we were going to do it.
We were going to see how busy it got.
Then we're going to do it.
We're going to do it Friday and Saturday.
Then whatever is left over,
we're going to donate.
We're going to donate.
What we're going to do,
unless it's something really nice,
I think there are a few of the things that are nice
that I'm going to put a price on.
Everything else,
I'm going to put a price on.
We're going to make an offer.
Just go with that.
What we originally were going to do,
we were going to have groups.
All of this stuff is $3.
All of this stuff here is $5.
Then we decided,
even that was too much work.
I'm going to make an offer.
We're going to do what they want.
We're going to look at everything,
and figure it out.
Have them make an offer.
Love to have them.
Love to shop at them.
Love to have them?
To try a yard sale?
To put one together.
By the time we're done with something,
and pass it through all the girls,
we have friends,
with four trash bags of clothes,
for another little girl.
We pass them on down through.
Emma and twins under her.
We pass them on down through.
Good.
That makes it easier for you and you get lots of use out of all of them. I'm sorry. Someone's trying to do the zoom. So I'm just, they, they must be asking you how to get in. So
Sorry.
Oh, that's fine.
But yeah, that's I noticed that when you when you posted something the other day. I was like, oh my word. She went through all for the girls. That's amazing.
Yes, which it's getting easier Abby's actually outgrown me so she has. Yeah, I'm in between Chloe and Abby. We have our little collection and then
Passing down through
Yeah, good.
Hey, Natalie.
Hey, so this is like I saw when I was trying to get on and password and
I know
For though I had to sign into my zoom
I thought it was good.
Your password for the zoom like
Okay, I would, I was gonna say if ever it asks, if ever it says it requires a password. Well then all we have to do is we just you just like bypass it and I don't remember what you have to do like cancel or you like cross it out or something so
Apparently, I just had to relog in
Yeah.
Okay, well, how have you been
Catching up with stuff. So how are you
I'm good. I was just thinking here. I'm like, I feel so tired, all of a sudden, because I'm like finally kind of city. I mean, haven't done anything really the day I went to the pool.
But I think just now that I'm like sitting in front of the sun. I'm like, I'm really tired, all of a sudden
What you're you're shiny. Is that aloe
Yeah, well, they're hydro gels. I don't know if you can see him very good.
I got off of a self care zoom. And so we were all hydrogel and we had someone do a mindfulness thing. And then there's other different speakers. And so I was like,
How nice
You know, that's nice.
But yeah, they're really nice. They like help with just puffiness and just
Relaxing and
So I was like,
Yeah, man. I've never used him but but as soon as you said the hydro gel things. I was like, I've heard of those
Yeah, one of the companies. I'm with it. That's where they made them and they're like all natural and stuff. And they're really good. So when they have like I'm gonna go grab mine. I haven't used them in a while.
Yeah, well, that's great. Yeah, I've never used him. I've used tea bags.
And another thing that I've used is juniper because I do is I use essential oils and so the juniper and I've never been told that it's like the best thing in the world, but
I okay very cool secret that nobody told me about essential oil. So it's very weird.
Personal information, but my I have I had struggled in the past with as very severe. Well, I don't say severe if some people get much, much worse. But with rosacea my nose, my cheeks, you know, the typical places, you know, my chin, the nose cheek and
And and so as a result, over the years of dealing with that and dealing with that dealing with acne for years it my poor face was so inflamed.
And there was just so much inflammation is so much water retention that my nose. I'm not kidding. My nose was and probably I think my nose is two thirds of the size that it used to be. It was a whole third bigger than this.
But, but, you know, as a result of inflammation from all the rosacea over the years, but it was just, it was chronic swelling.
Where water where it starts retaining water and I discovered that when one time water started coming out of the side of my nose right here like out of the skin water.
Not I was, I thought, oh, it's clear is that plasma what on earth is that that was water, you could tell by the by the texture and everything that was definitely water.
And so I thought, oh my word. Why is there water in the skin in my nose and also and I thought, oh my word swelling.
Oh my goodness. So do you mean that I could because I had noticed my nose getting bigger over the years and I knew it was a result of all of the like skin damage, but I didn't know how to reverse it.
So I started looking at essential oils to find out what reduces water retention juniper. So I started putting lots of juniper oil on my nose and it has gotten down to a two thirds of the size that it used to be.
Like, yes. So I told my I told my essential oil friends, my were the ones that sell that sell like Young Living or doTERRA or whatever.
And I was like, okay, y'all need to know this. This is very important.
Yeah, but yeah, I have to ask you, what do you use for your skin because your skin is gorgeous. And you said you had acne and stuff. So what took your stuff away foundation is a wonderful thing.
Makeup is wonderful. But no, seriously, I have reduced a tremendous amount of rosacea and acne. So the very most important thing was a gut cleansing that I did.
Did through young living. That's what got me started on young living is and I did their whole gut like cleansing regimen and I was so extreme that while some people can can start seeing results within a like maybe like two or three months. I didn't see results for
At least 12 but I didn't finish for a total of 18 months.
And so mine was very, very extreme. And that is where all of the rosacea hormonal acne, all of that comes up. It comes from the gut and comes from an imbalance of bacteria in the gut. So I had to deal with that first.
All of this thing. I was just on the self care thing. There was a woman, the holistic nutritionist person.
She just talked all about the microbiome and gut health and we're talking about pre and probiotics. And I was like, I was learning so much. I thought was so cool. Yes, it is major and it's it's shocking the amount of
Of health issues. I think they said that either all or like 95% or something like that of health issues start in the gut.
Mm hmm. It's just shocking. So anyway, I have noticed a huge difference in me a huge difference in my digestion huge difference in my skin all over, not just that just all over. And anyway, so that that
Got me that helped clear up a lot of it. And then I've just I put a lot of lavender oil.
Frankincense because frankincense repairs so frankincense
I've done the juniper to reduce inflammation like literally all over my face, but especially my nose, but obviously with the rosacea everywhere it was it was all over this my chin was very inflamed and so
With like it was very puffy and so it I that soon as you out. I got a more defined jawline as a result. And what else have I used frankincense. There was something else that was really big that I used and I used a lot of and but I can't think of what it was.
You get more
The frankincense for a while and mix it in with my night cream and then I read
I haven't bought more in a while.
Yeah, it's really good. Oh, what was the other one that was a huge difference for my rosacea was and something I'd heard hello christened. It was the human christened that no, no, no, it wasn't. It was
Cypress Cypress that was it made a big difference. Cypress as well. But I didn't start using that until recently, that means a huge difference. It reduces like blood vessels and all of that. Yeah. And I think it even tightens pores. Anyway, those big ones.
Hey, Amy, you're going for a walk.
Okay, I am. I had to take my dog and I just remembered. Sorry, I'm late.
No, you're fine. You're fine. We're all just talking right now. I didn't even got to any questions or anything, but the good, good segue. Does anyone have any questions or anything they wanted to talk about tonight or any comments they wanted to make
And
Know you
I feel like I have questions and then I should have wrote them down, but I think, well, you saw my takeaway video
Yes, it was so good.
Like thinking so much and also just
Like I feel like I just need to make my decisions that I I don't know if you saw my other comments that I made while I was watching the video that you did on how to make decisions and arrest.
And I think that's where I'm at. I'm like, so afraid to leave security and comfortable and normalcy.
And so to like change to something different. And I've always been that person to
Which I liked how you why you said that because I was always like, I want to make the right decision or the best decision or what God things that you know and you're I liked how you said it's not really like what you decision you make people like overthink that I think it's more how you make it and so
I'm like, yeah, I feel like I know what I'm supposed to do. And then I'm like, I have resistance, though.
Yeah, I don't know how to just do it.
Well, one of the encouraging things to remember in situations like that is, and I think I don't remember if I mentioned this in the video or not.
Is the fact. Yeah, I don't think I did. But I mentioned it in one of them is the fact that, you know, there were all of those trees in the garden and there was only one that was that was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
The knowledge of good and evil, but we could eat from anything in the garden, except that one. So in other words, the options of the the good options.
Are way outnumber the one that requires our own efforts. And so anyway, if the Lord does that. And if the Lord creates the variety that he does.
Where there's all of these animals that do the opposite things from each other, human beings that do opposite things from each
other and that look very opposite that act very opposite and all of those
things are good and our God created all those things then even decisions that we
would think of would be opposite of each other doesn't it doesn't make one of
them wrong and one of them right because our God is so much bigger than that it's
so much variety and so what God wants us to stay what God doesn't want us to do
is more operate outside of relationship because he wants us to operate within
relationships so it's more of that as opposed to the actual decision that we
make now yes there are certain decisions that we make that if we don't make them
in wisdom and if we don't make them in in maturity of our relationship with him
then they can actually hurt us and he wants to keep us from things that will
hurt us so that's why sometimes we ask the Lord for something he's like okay
well I'll give you that but we can't give that to you right now because you'll
hurt yourself so it's always for good reasons but it's not at this denial of
yeah but that's a bad thing well no it's not a bad thing but he doesn't want us
to do it out of relationship with outside of relationship with him and and
also if it's even if it is something that he's like oh no yeah we can
absolutely do that if you want to be a millionaire you can be a millionaire but
you need to be fathered into how to how to handle and govern millions because
currently your view of money cannot handle being a millionaire or currently
your poverty mentality or currently your view of yourself because money and that
where I'm just using money as an example will and it exaggerates and and
dramatizes whatever problems that we have so whatever problems that we have
it makes them look that much bigger when we when we add money to the
equation so God's like yeah we think that you want this but yet but it's
actually gonna harm you because right now all of the self-destruction that
you're doing to yourself and I'm not talking about you I'm just using this as
an example of like making a decision of like something we could ask God for and
why he wouldn't give it to us right now because it falls in I know it seems like
a bunny trail but it is you know in line with me you know making decisions because
sometimes we wonder well Lord you know it's one of those things that that's
what the Lord's doing in the background when we think oh well I'm not supposed
to make that decision and God's like no this is a good thing but just FYI it's
going to be a process and it's going to be a journey because you can't just jump
them right into it without destroying yourself and so and hopefully hopefully
that makes sense and it didn't sound like too much of a and hopefully that
made sense of how I was trying to connect it but yeah the as far as like
actually just making a decision from and where yes it is hard where we're just
like oh my word there's so much risk and I know what I'm doing and I understand
that this is where my piece is that that oh my word I still have to do it yeah
that's where it is that we are trusting in his character that and that's where
piece is that it's proving that our faith is to the extent that we believe
that that's who he is that he not can do it but that he will do it because it we
can't we can't we believe God can do everything I mean any one of us can name
things and we all will say that we believe God can do it none of us
question that God can do miracles and whatever what we question is that he
will so our peace follows where it is that we believe he will come through so
if we don't believe he will come through to a certain extent yet we just need to
find where it is that we do believe he will come through in other words where
our piece is that and then go with that decision and so if our piece is at a
place that makes us normally in normal circumstances feel very uncomfortable
but we have our peace there in our spirit not in our soul because the in
our spirit we have peace there it means that we have faith that I know that my
God will come through in that way my spirit knows that my soul does not
understand how that's possible but my spirit knows and that's why I have peace
when I wouldn't have expected to find peace here so if if you have peace there
then it means that you know God that that is that you're declaring that
that's who God is and God loves to step out and prove that he is who we
declared him to be so does that help yeah and when you talk about soul and
spirit so can you tell me like your definition of the difference between the
two because I was listening to another thing today and they kept referring to
their soul meaning and there's there which was their spirit like that was the
word they're using for spirit so then I hear a difference for you so I'd love to
know that way I like understand it even better to like once yes okay so there
there's a more in-depth one that
That you'll you'll come to later, but I'll give you. So just FYI, so I'll give you the information, but just FYI, if this doesn't answer all of the questions.
There's much more in depth stuff that should fill in gaps, but you're always welcome to ask me questions on here. I was just letting you know
To not get discouraged. If I'm like, don't answer like everything that you had thought that you needed. I'm like, oh, trust me, there's plenty to come.
But, but so there's our spirit was taken. Oh, sorry. What, how far and how many which sessions are you up to, that'll help me know what
Finished the how to make decisions and rest. So maybe that was four or five
Okay. Okay. So you've already gone through the one with God.
Yeah. Okay. So you remember in the one with God, we were take we were like Eve taken out of Adam, we were
We were taken out of God and therefore we're of the essence of God and all that. Well, that was our spirit.
The God is uncreated and therefore our spirits are uncreated because it was taken out of him.
So just like Eve was was made from Adam's rib. She was at his very DNA where Adam looked at her and he said, you are flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone. He said, you are me separated
So it was the same thing, you know, in other words, taken out of me and all that. So it's the same thing for us of spirit was not created. So our spirits were uncreated.
However, our soul and our body are created. So that's one of the differences between the spirit and the soul. The spirit always agrees with God.
It always believes God. It is of the new nature. It is the new man. It's never sinned. It's never not agreed with him obeyed him followed him been one with him. It's never
It's never been separated, but our soul, our soul has so our soul understand and is what can make the decision to offer to feel that it's not being protected and provided for
And it's afraid of the spirit of its own spirit and it's afraid of God and it's afraid for everything that they stand for, because it believes it's on its own.
And and this in spirit, its own spirit and God are not coming to help. So it's on its own. It has to do something. It has to provide for and protect itself, which is choosing to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
And it doesn't mean that God that it doesn't change God's love for us. It doesn't change anything about our spirit either. By the way, we are spirit. We're not soul.
We're spirit. We have a soul and we're in a body. So they're all unified, but we are spirit. So it doesn't mad. So even if our soul chooses to operate separate from the Lord and like, oh my word, I bet he's not going to come help me.
I'm abandoned to do this on my own. I'm abandoned to figure it out on my own. I've got to make the right decision.
Because or else there's going to be these consequences of separation or, you know, separation relationship or disapproval or whatever.
Soul thinks is is confused because it thinks everything's on it. However, the spirit is who we are. We're not soul. We have a soul, but we are spirit. So God's never displeased with us because our identity is in is in is in spirit so
It does that answer some of the questions of the distinction between the two that because then I'm so I was reading and James five like I've been reading through that James this month and or this week and
The end or James chapter five. It really made like an impression on me because I feel like God is trying to teach me more and more about faith and then
It talks about the power of prayer and then saying, what does it say that
I think sorry, I was trying to find it.
I'm basically talking about like if you if anyone is sick or
If you are praying for these things. And it says, and then this made stood out to me to prayer offered in faith.
Will he'll he'll the sick and Lord, thank you. Well, and so then I was like, do some and then someone asked, and because I posted that in a group that we're all reading it. So then she asked, well, why
I think her mom or someone had died, who like it was told that she like they had all been praying and the doctor said, wow, she's a miracle like she's healed and then in 24 hours she died.
And so like her question was like
It felt like we had this faith. We've been praying over her. We were told she was well and now she passed away like how
Why does that happen, or like what and then so then my when you're saying that I was like, well, is it because
Where we might be praying, but we're almost like not believing fully because our souls likes taking over because of maybe fear doubt and things like that, where if we were completely
Praying and believing in the Spirit with that faith that he's mentioning in Chapter five, would we be able to, you know, pray over someone and they become healed because of that.
You know, you have 100% faith in that because you're praying God's going to make this person
better or, you know, or I was just curious to like what you're like, how you would respond
to that.
Yeah.
So, um, the, um, trying to think of how to, how to start, um, yes.
So our, it's that we need to believe that God is who he says that he is and that he's
as loving as he's declared that he is.
And so therefore God would, would heal.
Now here's the interesting God would provide our healing.
So the interesting thing about healing is that healing is never declared in the Bible
as a, um, as a way by which he teaches us a lesson.
And it says that God doesn't desire anyone there.
I don't remember how it phrased it, but based, but it was, I wish I could remember the exact
phrase that it uses.
But basically that, that sickness is not of God and God wants everyone to be healed.
So, and then he also tells us to be the ones to heal.
We can heal, including non-Christians, non-Christians can heal as well because God has given that
authority and that power to, to humanity.
So it's not faith that God, we can pray and ask God, ask for, um, in faith that God, will
you please heal them?
But what he's trying to do with us is he's trying to raise that to maturity.
So he says, no, you heal.
I've told you to heal.
I gave you a command to heal.
If we look throughout the Bible, he commands the disciples to heal.
He said, go and heal him.
He didn't say, go and ask the Holy Spirit about it.
Go and, you know, ask me about it.
Ask me to do this for you.
He says, no, you go do it.
And, um, and even the non-believers, just like in Deuteronomy, how it talked about even
the non-believers were able to, um, receive land from the Lord and the Lord wouldn't even
allow the Israelites to touch it.
It's just like, Hey, look, you can touch other things.
I've given you other things.
You're not allowed to touch that one.
And they, they, um, because I've given it to them, given it to the non-believers.
Well, the same thing, you know, for this is it's, it's all of our inheritance as sons
of God.
It's just that some people, the Christians believe that we are sons of God and the
non-believers don't yet.
Um, but it's still a power and authority that, um, he has given us, um, as sons of
God.
Um, so, um, you know, those who understand that, that we are that, but I don't mean to
make the whole subject really hairy by mentioning that, but I just wanted to say
that God tells us to heal.
And so, yes, it is faith, but faith is a factor.
Absolutely.
But faith is, is faith in the fact that God is who he says that he is, that he has to,
that we are who he says that we are.
And then we have the power and the authority to declare someone to be healed and
expect it to, it to respond to a son of God because it's, it's creation responding to a
son of God.
It is a body listening to a son of God.
Tell it, Hey, look, you need, you need to not in a mean way, but you know, just in
declaration, Hey, look, this is what I expect of you.
This is what I need you to do.
You know, this is who you are.
You are healed in the spirit.
So therefore I need you to manifest healing in the body.
And the body's like, Oh, really?
Okay.
Well, I thought we had different instruction because the body receives, it receives
instruction from the soul.
And if the soul is not agreeing with the spirit that it's healed, then the soul
thing, I'm not healed.
And then the body will manifest that unhealing.
It will manifest sickness, whatever.
But so that's what we're talking about.
You know, in healing, we're talking about manifesting the truth of who it is that we
are in spirit down into the visible physical realm, including healing.
Um, and, and that's what healing is.
It is manifesting into the visible realm.
What is already true about that person in the realm.
And that comes from faith, believing that what God said about us is actually true.
That we are who he says that we are, that we are already healed, that that
person in spirit is already healed.
And we, as a son of God are telling the body, Hey, look, you've been receiving
instruction from their soul that you're sick.
And I'm overriding that.
And I'm telling you, no, you're not sick and that you will heal that.
That's the idea.
It there's, there's more that we could say about all of that because we've
learned, we've, we've have a lot of unlearning to do.
I've had a whole lot of unlearning to do related to healing of things that we,
that I grew up believing grew up believing, you know, that God used it to teach me a
lesson, you know, that, Oh, well, we just can't help these things.
And it's just part of being alive.
And no, no, absolutely not.
It is, it is of the devil through and through, and therefore it has,
it has no place in us.
So.
So the praying over people to be healed is something we definitely should do, but it
also would take like that person believing they can be healed and telling them so, or
like how would you?
Someone else's faith is enough.
Jesus was healing, like for instance, when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, or he
raised Jairus's daughter from the dead, they're dead.
There's no faith on their part.
He also will heal believers, he'll heal unbelievers.
In fact, the peoples whose faith that he commended the most in the New Testament were the unbelievers.
It was the Syphoenician woman and the Centurion.
And he commended them for their faith because they were declaring his character.
They said, oh, you know, like the Centurion, for example, Jesus said, okay, well, I'll
go with you and I'll heal your armor boy or something like that.
And the Centurion said, no, no, no, you don't need to come.
He said, I am a Centurion.
I know what authority is and I know that you carry it and all you have to do is declare
that he's healed and he'll be healed.
And Jesus turned to the Jews and he was like, I haven't seen faith like this in all of Israel.
And then so he told the Centurion, hey, that yes, according to your faith, so be it.
In other words, he was saying, hey, look, you have declared something about me and my
character and what I would do in the power and the authority that I have.
And as such, you're right, that is who I am.
And therefore I will operate according to who you've declared me to be.
So we can pray for other people and well, sorry, that was a little bit of a side note,
but back to what you were saying is yes, we don't have to be, they don't have to be believers.
An unbeliever can pray for another unbeliever and they can be healed.
And God heals unbelievers, God heals believers, and God also heals people that did not have
faith.
Some of the people were dead.
Other people were, they just didn't have faith, but maybe other people had faith for them.
That kind of a thing.
So, and then there were even times where people touched Jesus and Jesus wasn't having faith
specifically for them.
They were the ones who had the faith.
Or he commended the woman who touched the hem of his garment and commended her for her
faith.
And, but Jesus didn't even know.
He said, I felt power come out, go out of me.
He said, who touched me?
He didn't even know who touched him.
So it, so it, it can be the person who's being prayed for.
It can be the person who's doing the praying.
It doesn't have to, the other person doesn't have to agree.
Now the thing is that with healing though, when the person is healed, they can continue
to choose to do and believe according to the old mindset, which will cause the body
to again, manifest that sickness again, because that's why they got it in the first place.
And they didn't change.
They didn't change their belief.
They're still in that old belief and that old mindset.
So the body gets back that old instruction.
And so it, they can fall back into sickness.
I've watched it happen.
There was, there was a lady that I was working with and, and I was praying over her and she
was, and she was getting well, she was getting well and she had been well in years and she'd
had lots of people pray for and whatever.
And I was speaking to her spirit and God was teaching me, you know, how to, is taking me
through a training, teaching me how to, how to, how faith, sorry, how he had commanded
me to heal and how all of that worked and all of that.
So I was, I was applying all of that and went in my, in visiting with her and she was healing
and she did this twice.
She would heal and then she'd revert old habits of unbelief and work.
And according to the knowledge of good and evil, and she would revert.
And then I, and then I would, and I pray over her again.
And I, and when I say I would pray, I wouldn't pray.
I would declare things over her.
It was like taught, telling her body that it's healed and whatever.
And I was doing this remotely.
I was not in person and she healed and she would heal again.
And then a few weeks later, she began to revert because she would go back to those old mindsets.
And so her body is getting that old information.
We're alone and we have to fight for ourselves as opposed to, as opposed to, oh, we can now
rest in who it is that God says that we are.
She still fought those old beliefs that she was who she thought she was this whole, you
know?
So anyway, she kept reverting.
So I watched her do that twice.
So anyway.
Yeah.
So any of us really could go and pray over people and if we, you know, like you said,
we're declaring that over them, but then them consistently like doing the things and believing
the things that they are going to be well.
Yeah.
Right.
Like not going back into maybe old habits or things like that, that got them sick in
the first place.
Yeah.
And, oh, and what, what we're doing is we're commanding and we're declaring that they are
who they are, that they were telling their body who they already are in spirit.
So we're not.
So in other words, one of the interesting things about healing is to not say is not
saying, you know, oh, you know, um, may you be healed and, and in other words, talking
to the person and talking to the body as if it's not already, and it's going to gain it.
The thing is, no, we declare that we declare what already is, what already is in spirit.
So we declare that they are healed and that's what it is that we speak.
We don't speak, oh, you know, get healed and heal yourself and do all of this stuff because
that's, that is acknowledging lack.
Remember kind of like talking to the broken person again, it's acknowledging some lack
and we don't want to do that because there is no lack.
So what we're doing to the body is we're telling it, no, this is who the spirit, who you are
in spirit.
You now need to manifest that.
We're not saying body, you're not there yet and you need to work on it.
No, we say, no, no, no, this is who you are.
This is who you are.
And body's like, oh, okay.
And it starts to rise just like a person does.
The body will start to do the same thing and it'll start to manifest the healing because
it already is healed as a person, as a being, as a spirit, soul, and body.
It already is healed because we are spirit.
We're in a body, but we are spirit.
So therefore we already are healed.
The body's just not manifesting the fact that we already are.
It's acting contrary to its nature.
And so we declare with the body, no, you've got wrong instruction.
You think you're someone different than you are.
This is who you are.
And you just, and, um, so that's when I say that we're, when I say we command, we're commanding
sickness to go, but we're telling the body who it is so it can begin to heal itself.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
You actually brought up praying for someone to be healed it.
We're not asking and petitioning and pleading and begging.
We're entire.
We're Kings.
We're, we're, we're not, we don't need to ask for anything.
We don't even have to ask God if, if can we heal this person?
God said he wants everyone to be healed.
He said, he just sent the disciples out and he's like, oh, heal him though.
And he did that a couple of different times in the Bible.
He did that once when he sent the disciples out and he might've, and he did it, I think
one other time.
So anyway, no, that not actually really makes good sense to me because I was like that brought
up when a time when I was told I had the flu and it was my nephew's first birthday
and everyone was going to be going to my brother's and I didn't want to miss it.
So I like got all the different natural supplements I can think that in double up, I made sure
I slept and I kept telling myself, I remember I'm like, I'm going to go down there, but
if I need to quarantine myself, I will.
And I drove in the whole three hour drive.
I was like, I'm getting bad.
Like, I just kept saying things and I was like, thank you Lord for healing my body.
And I think I broke a sweat that night and like by the next day I was like, and then
I was fine.
The next day I just had a little tingle in my throat.
And so that makes me, that's like the, that popped up.
I was like, that would have been a time then I guess I was like, that was maybe, maybe
not realizing that that's what I was doing, but yeah, no, that's great.
I mean, because you're, you know, if deep down, if we, if what we always call this place,
we always call it the deep down place, deep down.
We know, we know the answer and we know who we are.
We we've gotten to the point where we don't trust it.
And so you trusted it.
You're just like, I've never heard this, but I don't know if you'd ever heard this before,
but I'm making this up.
I never heard this before.
No one's telling me that everyone's telling something different, but this is what I'm
going to do.
And I know I just, I, you chose your reality and you chose it based off of what you read
in the Bible and who it is that you, that, that you know, that the, your spirit inside
that knew the truth and that it was, and so you were doing what is called what the Bible
refers to as working out our salvation, taking something that's deep within and working it
out so that it actually manifests.
So the working out of our salvation is the manifesting of things from spirit manifesting
our, our, our salvation, our salvation from our spirit into our soul and into our body.
That's what the working out of our salvation is.
It's, it's making the truth of who it is that we are manifest in, in, on all of the layers.
Yeah.
Okay.
So that's impressive.
That's really impressive.
I can't say that I've done that.
I don't.
Yeah.
I'm like, Ooh, that's biotic time.
So I just need to act in that.
That gives me a good idea.
Of knowing, like, that's what it's like, you know, that's really what was happening. So, so I didn't take over the call. So if you guys have other questions, I will
Know.
Great. That's great. Hey, Carrie. Hey, Holly. How are y'all
Hey.
Hey, sorry. I'm so late.
I'm doing good.
No, you're
Finally,
Yeah. How are you feeling
Ah, not the best.
But yeah, it's been a really rough past week.
Just honestly, it has been not very good. I mean, not only physically, but just everything. I don't, I still don't think I'm recovered from the whole house thing.
I know.
So, yeah.
Just real. I'm still struggling
Yeah, I know. I know it is. It's a journey because we're told to believe that God is who he says he is not told by me or told by
Other people but told by God to believe that he is who he says that he is and that his he is as loving and as good as he declares that he is
But where you look at our situation and we're like, Lord, I'm not seeing it manifest in the way that I would think that your love to that extent would look like on earth.
And so it forces us to. And so there's this this journey of trusting and believing that if God says to these that good news that is that that that good and that loving that we still trust that regardless of whether it does or doesn't manifest in the way that we thought that that love and that good and that goodness would manifest
So yeah, it's the whole thing about promises is the fact that God says, I want you to
I want you to hang your hat and your entire life on the fact that I am as good to you is what I'm declaring to you that I am by giving you this promise.
And not focus on the manifest exact manifestation of the promise because there's so many particulars about it that we that he usually, you know, leaves out and
Love will then
And then it will he will eventually see see the promise. Of course, you know, many people like Abraham, Isaac, you know, all of them. They didn't see they didn't see the results of the promise that they got to live in the results of
Their faith that in the promise. So they get to believe to live in a lot of those results. I mean, the, the blessings that God poured out on Abraham were amazing.
And because it was counted to Abraham that what his faith was counted to him as righteousness and he and he got to have that click connection and closeness with the Lord and began and was able to receive
The benefits of that love and that goodness from God, the extent of that love and that goodness from God with that that was embodied in an X.
And how would you say expressed by the bigness of the promise, even though he got so we got to live and all the benefits of that on on on earth.
And the fact that he had faith in that God was that good, even though he didn't get to actually see the results of the promise manifest in his lifetime, but he did get to reap the rewards of having the faith of that promise. So, which was bigger than actually seeing the promise because because it was
With that, it was
Because he reaped the rewards of having of having faith in a God that would manifest himself in that much love and that much goodness. That's what I'm trying to say.
Didn't get this exact manifestation
Everything else.
I wish I hope that I explained that well.
In
Yeah, but yeah, I know. I know it's hard. There's
Then they're very, very old, very old promise like many, many years and I haven't seen them.
And to fruition yet, but I'm just like, yeah, but the Lord has and I've gone through this with it. I mean, like major rounds major with them and
But
That I still have. I still have my own promises that that I, I cry out to the Lord for
That thing does haunt me ever since.
Every morning when I wake up in the morning, there is always been that chirpy crack that is
That I looked all night and did not go to sleep in the middle of the night.
I'm maybe even
Literally cry, you know, to Lord for and these are all the old promises. So anyway, I do understand. I do understand. So I'm sorry.
For like, you know,
Kind of
Well, I'll look forward to and rejoice seeing it manifest one day.
Your house.
Well, Holly. How have you been, have you been you've been busy. I've you been okay. How's your mom. I'm so sorry.
Let me shut my bedroom door.
945 year and my two year old keeps sneaking out and like you
Sure.
I thought, once he hears my voice. Yeah, you know, and he's one of those that like knows he's cute. Yeah, no. So, thanks for asking about my mom. So my mom is she's not doing well, but we
Went to like an after hours clinic with her surgeon last night and my dad and I really were able to advocate for her and he moved her
Surgery to next week. So he's he saw how bad she's doing and said he would his surgery days Thursday. So he said he would have done it today. But of course, there's no time for pre op and
That kind of thing. So he moved it to next Thursday. And I think that really helped her. I think she thought she was just going to have to suffer another like month and a half. So what it is, is she has
She needs a hysterectomy. And so it's all
It's just really uncomfortable and painful for her right now. And my mom is just like super sweet and tender, but she's not like a sturdy, you know,
She's just like lovely and small boned, but not the one that you're like, she's a fighter. She'll put you pull through like nobody's gonna say that in her funeral, which is going to be in another 15 to 20 years, but my dad is really nervous for her and stuff because she's just in so much pain. She's just kind of wilting down
Like the laws of the kingdom, the laws of nature, like serving the sons of God and our authority and dominion and and
Stuff like that. So that teaching of yours, Ashley has really served me well over the last few weeks because things have just, I told you all about the second business that we're opening up and that is like at us.
And it's a
I'm sorry, Matt brain. I guess I need to drink more water or something, but I'm low on like functioning brain cells at this point, but it's a seasonal thing. It's a seasonal thing. It's a seasonal thing.
And then the stuff with my mom and and the thing is, is that I, I felt this stuff with my mom coming. So when I would pray or intercede, I felt like something was
Starting to come against one of my parents and that it was like serious. It was health wise that they could that one of them could pass away. And so I have been
Interceding on like just sort of what I knew in the spirit since then, but, um, but I didn't really know anything in the spirit. And so then my mom's condition got a whole lot worse. Really, really fast and
I just felt like I had to step in and really advocate for her and
All this like coven nonsense with the schools and stuff. I have felt like the Lord leading me to homeschool
And then we're also buying land and building a house, which is something I swore I would never do with my husband, who is a perfectionist. I'm like, no, no, I don't want to do any projects with you hang pictures. He's so wonderful. He's so
Glad we're married. Like, I was always like, we will buy whatever house you like and live in it. Your standards are so high as long as I can paint it the colors that I want. I don't give a darn, you know, and but
I really low Lord started to work in my heart and I went to him and I was like, I keep doing the Holy Spirit. Tell us to build
And he was like, Oh, good. I wondered how long it was going to take you to hear that. And I was like,
I held out for six more weeks. No, I'm just kidding. So anyway, we're like in the middle of that and it's exactly what I thought it was going to be and
And it's just like, I'm like, Ooh, I love it.
Let's do it.
And he's like, I don't like the side of this yard,
this corner here, I don't like this.
And I'm like, well, then flatten it and plant something new.
Like, what is the problem?
But it's, it is anyway, it has been a whole thing.
And so this on top of my mom's stuff,
which has been very concerning.
So two weeks ago,
my six year old learned to ride his bike
without training wheels.
And I don't know if any of you have redheaded children,
but it's a thing.
And he like complained,
he was on his bike complaining the whole time.
He's trying, I like got it all in home video.
And I'm like, I need to delete this
because it's like one of those home videos
you like don't want to relive.
But it was like, why aren't you helping me?
Get away from me.
I need more space.
Don't touch my bike.
Why aren't you holding onto me?
Like, it was like the whole thing.
And I mean, we've been at it for a month,
but he'll only try for like 10 minutes at a time
before he gets so frustrated, he just quits.
And he's always been one of those kids
who's a little bit of a late bloomer,
but once he gets it, it's a solid skill,
but he's like the last one of his friend group to get it.
So I just told him, I explained, he's super smart.
So I explained to him what muscle memory was.
I was like, if you want to learn how to ride this bike,
you're gonna have to do it long enough for your brain
to figure out what to tell your muscles to do.
And then he was like, oh, okay, I'll do it.
So the first time he tried for longer than 10 minutes,
he really got it going.
But while I'm the one, you know, with my phone,
holding onto a seat, like helping him do it.
And I felt like the Lord started to talk to me and say,
this is, I want you to see this right now
because this is the level of authority and dominion
that you have in the spirit.
You know how to ride a bike.
You could ride a bike down a mountain.
You could do BMX trick bikes or, you know,
whatever those guys do on their bikes.
Anyway, like you could do that in the spirit,
but you're the kid riding the bike, like, hold on to me.
No, I got it.
Leave me alone.
Give me that, you know?
And the whole time he's doing it,
it's like all this negative self-talk, which kills me.
And he's just like, I can't do it.
I can't do it.
It's too hard.
My bike's too heavy.
You know, when you love your children so much,
you look at their personalities and you're like,
do you want to have a nice life?
You shut your mouth.
Cause you ruin, you just like,
your self-talk is like insane right now,
but he's six and like, okay, okay.
So anyway, but I felt like the Lord was like,
you know that you're not really holding his bike.
You're not balancing it for it.
He's doing everything on his own.
You know, he knows how to ride a bike.
If you let go, he wouldn't even notice he's doing it.
And the whole time he's like, I can't do it.
I'm going to fall.
You know?
And you're, I'm like, you're doing it, Will.
You're doing it.
Oh my gosh, look at you.
What a great push off.
Look at you.
You know, and he's like, stop talking to me.
Okay.
We're a dramatic family.
You should see us in the neighborhood.
But I felt like it's a, it is a thing.
So, but I felt like the Lord was like, this is,
I want you to remember this picture
because when you feel like you don't know what to do,
I'm the one standing behind you going, you're doing it.
You're riding a bike.
And if you were confident in it,
you'd be going three times as fast
and spinning around and doing whatever.
And so in that 15 minute span that he got his confidence,
he is zooming up and down the sidewalk,
telling his little brother, get out of my way, I'm coming.
He's like, you know, don't, you know, the whole deal.
And he's just like full of confidence.
And I just still felt the spirit of the Lord like,
this is the same kid as 15 minutes ago,
except now he believes that he can do it.
But the whole time you're standing behind him,
knowing that this is what's coming.
And this is how I want you to see yourself.
I want you to, in whatever skillset, you're like,
oh no, I'm not the girl for this.
I can't do this.
Yes, you can.
And you're already doing it.
You're already riding the bike.
You're already doing it.
It's okay.
So then all this stuff with my mom
and the business and the house.
And I just keep hearing the Lord say,
tell the circumstance what you want it to do.
Tell this what you want it to do.
And then there was this plant dying in the backyard.
And I thought, and the Lord was like,
tell the plant to live.
And I was like, well, probably a plant.
But then I was like, no, I need to practice.
No, but I-
You need to practice.
Absolutely.
And I'm like, I don't even like that thing.
Yeah.
You're like, I don't even like that thing anyway.
Oh wait, no.
This is a skillset I'm trying to learn.
Sorry, God.
Okay, so all this stuff,
I just felt like the Lord was like,
take dominion, you need to take dominion. And I'm like, and so I
just kept telling myself, like, I'm the kid on the back, I'm the
kid on the back, I can do I am doing it. I am doing it. I am
taking dominion. I am walking in authority. And I think I'm, I'm
anyway, but with my mom's stuff, it was like, it was insane
opposition. I had I like, I kind of, I mean, keep this under your
hats. But I basically illegally got her doctor to copy all of
her transcripts so I could give them to another doctor and get
her out of that doctor's office. And like down the street to
another doctor, but it was just like this whole thing. And I had
to go toe to toe with this woman. And like, you know, use
my tough voice and be disrespectful and be like, give
it now go make the copies do it now. And she was really rough on
my mom and not understanding like how weak my mom is like
sleeping all day long, right now. And she was like, well, I
really want you to keep your you know, your appointment and
then my mom's like, okay, I will because she's so sweet. And I'm
like in the background like, Oh, no, you're not gonna count, you
know. So anyway, it's just been like that. So I had to go toe to
toe with this doctor in front of my children, which was
unpleasant. And I'm very proud of myself because I didn't swear
out loud. I'm just kidding. But it was just like a rut. It's
just been a rough thing. And, and because it's my mom's health
and her life, I feel like what if I force her way into a
surgery? Or what if I force this or force that, and it's not
dominion, and now I'm just forcing things. And so I've had
this like, huge internal struggle, because I'm strong
willed and strong natured anyway. And so it's like, I only
want to do what you're telling me to do, Lord, and this is my
mom's health. And you know how you like have people come to
church and they like stand up and testify, and whatever. And
they're like, well, if my brother wouldn't have died, then
I never would have learned. Okay, that is always total
bullcrap to me. Like, I'm like, Oh, good. So your brother's
dead. But the Lord taught you something. Good job, Jesus. Like
I can't I like my spirit is just like never settled in that kind
of a thing. And so here I am. And I have girlfriends that
I've been in ministry with like young moms who are dead from
cancer that believed God for it. Like I have looked at this
stuff in the face before, and, and really wrestled with like
healing and the will of God and your dominion and what you
decided and like the wounds that you get in your soul and how
they destroy your body and how much reverse can you really do
to that? And like, and there's this doubt, you know, like go
through the gamut of like, not and and yeah, trying to find a
formula for heat for healing and knowing that it's not a formula
for healing. And I know I'm rambling and I'll stop but it's
like all this stuff, but now it's my mom, right? And I'm like,
crying every day. Like, I don't want to force this. I don't want
to do this. I don't want to do that. It's her life. She has the
ultimate authority. She has the ultimate dominion. But I really
feel like you have led me into advocate for her and to stand up
for her and push her in a direction. And my dad's like, go
girl go because he it's all real, you know, delicate female
stuff. And my dad is wonderful and tenderhearted, but macho and
like not going to talk to anybody about his wife's. And
like, it's not happening. Right. So it's just like this whole
weird. Okay. And so I'm just trying to like fight through
that. And then there's, and it's in the middle of COVID. So you
like you can't get into a doctor's office. You can't get
out on a surgeon's list. You can't do any of that. Like, you
know, you really have to like push, push, push and, and just
trying to be led by my piece and just like, I don't know, I don't
know. So I'm just like, filtering all of that and, and
not trying to work or push but listen and take dominion. But I
don't know. It's just hopefully you can just hear what I'm
saying. Like I'm trying to discern where the spirit is
going, and where he's going strongly and swiftly and not mix
it up with my personality that would, especially because it's
my mom, who would just bulldoze down things to get her what she
needed. And so yeah, it's just like the middle of that and
yeah, that out and walking it through and seeing some things
manifest really quickly and not seeing others and
mm hmm. Yeah, well, it sounds like you're doing a wonderful
job. I mean, that's what I mean to use very old mindset phrase.
Because you're God fathers us into these things, right? So our
spirit knows how to do it.
but our soul then has to actually do it.
You know, our soul then has to manifest and sort of like,
so how do I do this again?
You know, it, cause it's never done it.
So our spirit has done it.
Our soul has not done it.
So before we're like, I don't know what I'm doing.
Like, how do you, how do you actually do this?
And how do you, and the Lord knows that.
He knows that we've never done it before
and he has grace for us.
So it's not like, oh my word, I messed up.
And God's like, no, you're, you're,
you're trying to figure it out.
You're like a child who's,
who's, who's kind of like playing around with this situation
and not, not meaning to be,
I'm not being disrespectful about it.
Any collisions that we're in.
I'm just saying, you know, we're, we're just,
we're not trying to play.
We're trying to do the right thing.
And so we're like, we're, we're, we're testing.
Well, is it, is it kind of like this?
Okay, maybe not.
What, what about this?
As opposed to just sitting back and being fearful
and then nothing's happening.
No, we're, we're trying,
and God provides us this safe environment in which to do it.
God is still sovereign, meaning like he's going to,
he's going to be the one to provide us a safe environment
in which to do things without us like messing things up
because we are, we're in the will of the father.
You know, we're in, if, you know,
it's important for us to not operate according, you know,
trying to do everything on our own,
but rather, you know,
trying to do everything in, in relationship with the Lord.
And, and when we are, he knows our heart.
He knows that we're trying to sense his heart
and that we're trying to operate according to his will
and where his decision and my decision
are coexisting and collaborating.
And, and it's not going to be, it's a dance.
It's not a, we're not walking a straight line.
We're dancing and we're trying to figure it out.
And he's providing us a safe environment in which to learn
without totally destroying ourselves and others.
Yeah.
And I think that's where I've really had to struggle
with him the last week about like trust issues
because I can list on my hands,
the people that trusted God for healing and are dead.
Right.
And, and then you hear like their husbands,
or, you know, you hear people say like,
but we never would have learned this
if they wouldn't have died.
And I'm like going to the Lord,
like, I don't want to learn anything from my mom dying.
And if this turns out to be like,
but Holly on the other side of this,
I have a big revelation for you.
I'm going to be so, I mean, just in my soul,
like spilling this out to him,
I'm going to be so mad at you if you take my mom.
And I don't even,
I actually don't even believe that take my mom,
like take somebody's life.
That's not what I, that's not how I think he works.
I'm going to be so mad if this is for me to learn
some massive revelation,
but my mom dies in the middle of it.
No, I will not have it.
I want her to live in full health
and I want the full revelation
and I want peace for everyone.
And I want everything paid for.
It's like, no, I come with a full Christmas list here
and I will not back off of it.
But I'm nervous that in my soul,
you know what I'm saying?
I'm scared that what I have seen manifest
in other people's lives,
that I feel like, not judgment,
but you look at their lives and their circumstance
and you think, I wonder if that one thing
would have been tweaked,
if it would have been like the source of life
that they needed to bring that aliveness
or the hue, you know what I'm saying?
And do you know, are you guys nodding?
Like, do you know what I'm saying?
Like you look, okay, okay, thank you, I'm sorry.
Not in judgment, but just in,
because I want the deep things of God.
So I like look at everything and try to discern it.
And, but then when it's like, you know,
it's your loved ones, I'm like, listen here,
I will not be the story.
Yeah.
But I also didn't think that they would be the story
and I didn't think that they would be the story.
And I don't know that I trust you enough, God,
to think that I can learn
and have the benefit of my mom living a long time
or this happening or that happening.
Like it feels like,
it feels like there has to be tragedy and suffering
for any kind of big revelation.
And then you hear that a lot in growing up in churches
where it's like,
I'm trying to think, but you know,
you hear like these big pastors come and they say this stuff
and even though that never sat well with me
and I don't believe it,
now that I'm like looking down the barrel of it,
I'm like, this got into me.
And now I have to deal with this fear that
to have a lot of God,
you have to give up everything you really love.
And then I'm like, well, I don't wanna do that.
But I want a lot of God.
I want both.
Shoot, I don't know anybody that has that.
You know, so.
And maybe I do, and I can't think of them right now, but, so anyway, those are the depths
of my soul.
And I'm sorry that I just threw them all at you.
That's all good.
Yeah.
And you're right.
Um, we don't have to learn, God does not mature us through pain.
Yeah.
God uses pain.
I don't know anybody that says that, except for people that walk in, in the amount of
grace and that pursue grace and rest the way that we do.
Like nobody else said that.
And everybody has proof positive for how God matures in pain and that's how they all comfort
one another.
Well, you're going to, you're going to see whatever you look for and also they are applying,
they are appealing to laws that do exist.
So for one thing, God is a very good God and he says that he works everything out for the
good of those who love him.
So there's all kinds of things that we learn as a result of quote unquote bad things that
happen.
You know, in other words, things that happened that were like, well, you know, I really wish
that it hadn't happened, you know, somebody's death or, or, or something else.
And, uh, and so obviously God in his graciousness is going to say, well, guess, but guess what?
I'm going to use this, but he doesn't create bad situations in order for us to go through
pain so that we will learn.
In fact, um, in fact, what there is, there's a time where, um, uh, that, that is a last
ditch last ditch effort.
Um, when a, like say for instance, if someone has, has, uh, hurt someone or done something
or whatever, and someone confronts them about it and they, they don't, they, uh, don't repent,
then they're supposed to bring another witness and they still don't repent, then they're
supposed to bring another witness, still don't repent.
And then they bring the elders or the whole church.
And if they still don't repent, then God says, turn them over to Satan just for the salvation
of their soul.
But why?
Because he's like, okay, look, I, the kindness of God leads to repentance.
In other words, in repentance is just a turning and a repentance and repentance is, is maturity
because we used to do it this way.
And now God's telling me to do it this way.
So I'm going to do it this way.
It's not that we were doing evil and now God's telling us to do good.
It's like, no, God even tells us to repent when he pulls in, when he brings us from one
season into another, he says, repent of the old season and move into that.
I walked into the new season that I'm walking into you now repent from that one in order
to move into this one.
God does not move us into bad things and tells us to repent of something wrong.
The repent is simply it's changed.
So in other words, it's a, it's a leaving of one thing and moving into another.
So that's what I mean by repentance is, is the kindness of God that leads to repentance
is the kindness of God that leads to the maturation of sons, not the pain.
But if a person's refusing their good father, who has come to them at least three times,
at least the single person in a one, two to three witnesses, and then the whole church
at least three times, then, and if they still won't accept it, then God's like, okay, fine.
If they won't accept my kindness, maybe they'll, maybe they will be pushed towards me by the
amount of pain that they'll experience if they don't have me because the cut, my kindness
didn't draw them.
Let's see if escape from pain will finally draw them to me, but it's always, it's always
been kindness.
The whole point is God does not use, does, does not use pain and suffering and sickness
in order to teach us lessons.
It's the devil and, and, and, and we don't have to, we don't have to agree with it.
We are already healed and we just have to manifest it.
We just have to learn in what areas that we're not believing that he is, or that he's as
good as he says that he is, or that we're are who he says that he is, that we have the
power and the authority that we are already healed because we all doubt that we're already
healed.
I've got it.
We've all got illnesses, but the reason why we continue to do is we don't believe that
we're healed in those areas.
And so, and so we're, our bodies are manifesting what we're telling it and whether we're aware
of it or not.
And so God is just constantly moving us into, into a place where we can learn it.
But you're right.
It's, it's, um, I grew, I believed most of my life that, uh, that as that, that the only
way that I could please God was to miss to spiritually mature.
And the only way that I could spiritually mature was through pain.
So I looked for the hardest path in life and all my life.
So I thought the harder that life is, the closer to God, you know, they say the higher
the hair, the closer to God.
Yeah.
And it's, it's not true.
So I love how you recognize that in your own spirit and you're just like, no.
and you just refused it, you're like, no, absolutely not.
And choosing to take that, like you said, that dominion,
where you're like, no, Lord, or no circumstance
or whatever, that's not how it's going to be.
I'm declaring that this is how it's going to be.
But what it is that I encourage you in
is to trust in the Lord's character,
not in, because everything else can disappoint
and everything else can frustrate.
And like the doctors aren't working with me
and the surgeons aren't working with me and whatever,
but if we trust in the Lord,
it makes the path a lot smoother
and the journey towards that healing
and towards all of that just a lot easier
because it's his character that we're trusting in.
And as far as the trust, because you're saying like,
I don't know if I can trust the Lord in that,
because yeah, we've seen all these other people, Lord.
So what we're doing is that's accusation
against God's character.
And that's what unbelief is.
It's accusation against God's character of like,
well, Lord, I'm not seeing it
or I haven't seen it in other people or whatever.
And God's like, no, no, no,
I'm telling you that this is who I am.
Will you believe that I am who I am
regardless of what the wind and the waves are saying?
Because everything is telling you the opposite.
Will you trust and believe me
regardless of the fact that other people
that you thought were stronger in the faith
or if anybody would have been able to pray for healing
would be them.
And if anybody would have been healed by their own faith,
it would be them.
And in not seeing that manifest,
that's the wind and the waves telling us as proof,
it's not gonna work because we're taught our whole lives
look at that as proof of what God is.
And God's like, no, no, no,
we're supposed to ignore it
and understand that, no, if God says it,
then it's true and then to trust that.
And there was one more thing I wanted to say
that as far as trusting,
yes, it's hard when we're like, I just don't trust.
So what we do is we choose that reality.
We choose that that's our reality
as opposed to because we don't believe it.
So remember-
What do you mean I just don't trust?
Oh, I don't know what I said.
What did I say?
It's hard when we say, I just don't trust.
Oh, yes.
Say that.
Yeah, well, you were saying that you're like,
well, Lord, I don't know if I trust you to do this.
You're saying that your soul was struggling saying,
Lord, I don't know if I trust you.
Did I hear right when you said that?
Yes, I don't have a problem trusting God
or like trusting people.
I don't have like trust issues,
but I think in this kind of a thing-
That's what I'm talking about.
This can go very wrong.
And it feels like it's heavy on me to do it.
Like what if I make a mistake,
then my mistake is gonna be my mom's life, right?
Like she's not gonna heal from this type of a thing.
And like, I think it's more of that
in which turn I would turn around and be like,
why did you give a kid learning to ride a bike
this kind of responsibility?
So yeah, I think it's a mix of like the old ideas
and the unbelief and the distrust and stuff like that.
Yeah.
Yeah, correct.
So I was just referring to what you had said
about something about, which we all do,
Lord, I don't know.
I was telling, I was thinking that the other day
with the Lord.
I was like, oh Lord, I didn't use that word,
but basically that's what I was saying.
I don't remember what word I used.
I don't know if I use the word believe with him,
like Lord, I don't know that I believe
that you'd do that for me.
I don't remember if that, but basically, trust.
And I was telling the Lord that myself.
And just a few, like two, three days ago,
and about something very specific.
And that the thing is that I realized,
I reminded myself, I asked you,
you've got to choose your reality.
So instead of waiting to see proof,
and then from that, then believing,
and then, okay, now that I believe,
now I'm going to actually choose that it's my reality.
I'm going to step out into it.
We have to go the opposite.
We choose it.
They choose that it's our reality,
and we step out into it because we choose
that that's the world that we live in.
Then once we choose it and we step out into it,
eventually, effortlessly, we come to believe it.
And once we come to believe it,
and now we're walking in it,
we begin to see, we begin to see proof.
So we go backwards.
So anyway, I was just encouraging you in whatever way,
because I do this as well.
In whatever way that we don't trust God
to the extent that we want to,
or believe God to the extent that we want to,
and we're battling that doubt and that fear,
and that, oh my goodness, what if,
and I haven't seen this before,
and I know that you can, but I don't know that you will.
all of that, we choose that it's our reality instead of worrying that, well, I don't believe,
how do I believe more?
I mean, how on earth do we drum up more belief?
So we just choose that it's our reality and we step out into it and the belief will come,
the trust will come, the whatever, as opposed to trying to generate this thing that we don't
know how to generate.
We don't know.
I don't know about you.
I don't know how to generate trust.
I don't know how to generate belief, but I know how to choose that something's my reality.
Yeah.
I think that's good because I think sometimes in like word of faith circles or whatever
you really hear, like you have to, you have to have faith and without doubt, you know,
like period, there is no room for doubt.
And if it didn't turn out the way you thought it was going to be, then there was unbelief.
There was doubt in that, you know, and you like go through it and you're like, oh geez.
I'm not even sure dinner is going to turn out well every night.
I know.
There's a lot of, there's a lot of condemnation in word of faith churches.
Yeah.
Like the church I go to is word of faith, but mine's very unusual in the fact that they're,
that they preach the exact opposite, no condemnation and no shame.
And they deal with that first before the faith.
Yeah.
That's more important.
They're like, uh, no, you are a new creature.
You are a new man.
You are spirit.
And then, and that's why I go to that church is I'm like, oh, you believe like I do.
But then they, they're very, very, uh, so they're very atypical word of faith in the
fact that they deal with the, the no shame and condemnation first.
And then the faith afterwards so that it's not like we are set in any condemnation if
well, you know, that person died because you only had 99% faith and not a hundred.
No.
But says, if you have the, if you have the faith of a mustard seed, you can move a mountain.
So it's, it's not the amount of faith.
And that's another thing that my, uh, that the pastor that I get to preaches, he's like,
it's not the amount of faith that, that helps someone.
The amount of faith can be small.
The amount of faith that it matters matters not basically it was kind of like, uh, I don't
remember the phrase he uses, but basically kind of like the quality of faith.
Are you believing that God's that God is who he says that he is and that we are who he
says that we are.
There we go.
All right.
So now that we've got that figured out, you know, that would, now that we know that, that
that's all that we need to know and operating from that.
So anyway, my point in saying all of that is, um, uh, that yeah, we shouldn't, there's,
there's no need for us to feel like there's this weight on us that if something happens
that I didn't have enough faith, I didn't do it right.
Um, case in point, um, that, uh, the lady that I was talking about, which I don't know
if you were on at the point I was talking about that lady that I was, I was, I was working
with and I was declaring healing over her and she, and then, uh, and then after several
weeks she'd go back and then all of that.
So, um, I, I, one of the things that I had to battle was condemnation and shame thinking,
what have I done?
Because all that's required is my faith, not even hers.
I'm like, why was she not fully healed?
Why was she revert and all of this, you know, have I not done enough?
Have I, if I not learned enough and whatever.
And finally I just had to realize, okay, you know, I am, I'm, I'm learning and I am growing
in my faith.
I'm growing in my belief.
I'm trying to understand what belief is and what faith is and, um, and where it is that
I'm not believing where I thought that I was, et cetera.
And it's not, and I'm not in any condemnation or responsibility and their blood is not my
hand on my hands, you know, and, um, anyway, but so I just, just FYI, you know, I, I understand
that, that, that feeling in that situation where you're just kind of like, what have
I done?
And this lady's situation is bad.
It's really bad.
So when she suffers, it's awful.
Some of it is very, is a like demonic manifestations on her body, awful.
And so, I mean, talk about like feeling like, oh my goodness, uh, sending light.
Not that I've sent her back because I didn't have enough faith.
So therefore I couldn't do X, Y, and Z.
It's not something that I'm doing.
I'm just learning how to have, how to believe and have faith so that that body hears me
as a son of God and manifest and, and, and obeys accordingly.
But the first thing that we have to deal with is no condemnation or shame.
We're just learning and, and residing in the father's heart, hearing his, hearing his
heart and flowing along with him.
Okay, Lord, what do, how do, how do I declare this now?
How decision do I make with this doctor?
And it's all about.
the relationship with him and, um, and not about condemnation.
And I, and I tell you that story to let you know,
I'm fully aware of the seriousness of being in that situation where you feel
like that. And so I don't say it.
So I just wanted to say that I don't say the things that I'm saying,
taking that lightly because I am, you know, I'm very sorry. So I understand.
I appreciate it. Yeah. Thank you.
Yeah.
Well, wow. We've gone, we've gone way over time, which isn't a problem.
There's no, there's no overtime.
I just don't know what y'all have, um, this evening. Um,
did y'all have anything else before, before we get off?
Hello. Good. It's good to get to see y'all.
I haven't seen at least some of you in a few weeks. So that was good.
That's really good. And trying to think if I have anything,
uh, I think I'll be leaving on my, uh, uh,
travels in after July the 18th.
And then, uh, and just for a short stint,
and then I'll come back in August and here and just for a conference.
And then I'll head out on a really big trip. So hopefully I'll get to,
hopefully I get to finally get to meet y'all. I don't know when,
I don't know how long it was just going to take traveling around anyway.
And it all depends.
What is your trip? I did not,
I didn't catch up with the zoom meeting from a couple of weeks ago. Okay.
So just point me your trip and I will go back and watch it.
Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. I, I haven't uploaded it yet. It's part of the problem.
Oh, that's fine.
Apparently way behind on all of these uploads. Um, so, uh,
because last week I was at last week or the week before last,
it was a week before last. Okay. So week before last,
I got on the zoom call and I told everybody, okay, everybody,
just to let y'all know, the Lord has, has told me to, uh, uh,
sell 90,
95% of my things and go driving around the United States traveling.
So no apartment, nothing, me and my car,
my little dog and traveling and traveling around and seeing family and friends
and in clients and just living in relationship with the Lord. Uh, and, uh,
yeah, so that's what he has me, had me do gave me a dream to confirm that.
And so that was really quick, which the dream is really quick,
so I can just say it. I was, he, he, uh, I say it was a dream.
It was a dream slash vision. I'm not really sure what it was. Anyway, there,
I saw this at, I, first of all,
I thought that that's what he was telling you to do. But I said, Lord,
would you please confirm it to me that you're telling me to travel?
Cause that's a very serious thing. Do you want me to do this? And, um,
so he, two nights later, he gave me this vision slash dream.
Not really sure what it was. Um, where I was,
I was on an Atlas and I was standing on the map that I was standing on the state
of Texas. And God was walking from the state of Texas towards, uh,
across the Southern United States, towards Florida.
And he turned back and looked at me and he gestured to me and he said,
you want to come with me? And I jolted awake.
I was so excited. I was like, that was the confirmation.
Yeah. So that was really neat. So yes. So last,
last Thursday I was like, okay guys, within a few hours of making, uh, uh,
getting off the Q and a,
I am cleaning the apartment and I'm literally moving out within hours. So, um,
I I'm out and I will start traveling some, like I said, uh,
right after July the 18th,
I had like lots of like family birthdays and stuff and then, um,
just do really short trip. I think Houston, Louisiana, Arkansas, back to Dallas.
And in a month I've got, uh, in August 20th through the 22nd,
I have a conference. And then after that I don't have anything.
And so I'm just going to start, start traveling. So,
and just go wherever the Lord says to go next. So I haven't,
I have an arc,
but I have a couple of conferences that in various States that I might end up
going to in like, in like, um,
it may not go in a perfect smooth circle. So anyway,
I'm hoping to get by and see as many of y'all as,
as I can when I happen to be in y'all's area. So anyway,
where do you guys live? Are you guys in Texas?
I'm in West Virginia.
Pennsylvania close to where Cheryl is. Uh, Cheryl Flair.
Okay. And Priscilla, I think,
are those the only ones of us that live in Pennsylvania? I think so. Yeah.
Yeah. You're in Pennsylvania, Pennsylvania.
What was that? Where? Uh, in Lancaster,
like in South central Pennsylvania, I think. Okay.
We almost moved there when we moved to North Carolina,
that was the other place that Eric looked at a job.
You have cousins there and stuff. So that's, you need to have like.
Girls trip. We'll just all travel and we like meet in the middle. It'd be fun.
That's right.
You'd like
Yeah.
So anyway,
Please so that you'll have that. And so sorry about that. But yeah, so I am. Oh my word y'all. Oh my goodness. Have y'all ever tried to sell 90 to 95% of a fully furnished home.
Where you've had to to fully furnished bedrooms, your master and your guests and two full baths in a full kitchen. So I am the most married
A most married established home person. I've been unmarried person that you have ever met. Trust me.
Everything like I started having I started getting China. I mean, like I've in it. It's also all of my furniture already sold everything
Well, almost. I have a garage sale tomorrow and the next day to sell the last of anything that doesn't sell and donating, but I've sold. I've already sold probably seven
I don't know at least 60% 70% of everything I own and then last bit is going to be in the garage sale and anything that it doesn't sell there's is a
Is a donating I now only have maybe a third to a quarter of the clothes that I used to have on and for somebody who's an English major I have reduced I have sold 90% of my books.
It's that major the things that you do when your relationship with God changes based on your identity. It's no longer in the things anymore. I'm like,
So like, here we go.
Okay, what is your mom saying about this.
They're very sweet. They're very sweet about it. They're very supportive. But yeah, it's been very hard.
It's been
Yeah, which they let me know that it's been very hard for them, but I've appreciated the fact that they've been very, very supportive. So they're just
At least you're not like 21 and doing it, you know, where they're like, oh, great.
Here we
Call one day and have to go rescue her.
Yes.
Yeah, so it's difficult for them that and they've been very sweet and they've just been very supportive of it. So
But as a mom of four girls. I told Dan. Oh, I'm kind of worried about her and Dan's like, seriously, she's a grown woman.
I know my friends are all worried about me. I've got a friend. She's like, Ashley, do you have someone to call. Yes, I've got lots of people.
And if that's the one who invited me to go kind of like with with Peter, where you walk out on the water. All the provision is in the word come
All the provisions. They are all of the safety, all of that. And God is always prompt to my heart whenever something's not safe or, you know, whatever. And so I'm not worried because
Because I've got this spirit with me. And so spirit just tells me what to do. And it was his invitation. So, so you can understand. I mean, you know, by all the questions that y'all asked
That's why I was like, well, this is a serious thing. I really would like to know from you that this isn't just something that's coming up out of me.
That my, my soul that you don't approve of or something like Lord. And so I asked him, it was really sweet. I asked him, Lord, I want you as my lover. If this is you to invite me
I said, that would be very important. Would you please invite me like a man with 12 to a woman. Would you invite me to go on this adventure with you. And then I got that there's like, okay, he invited me. So with, with the word come comes all the provision. So, yeah.
Okay, except Peter said to Jesus, Lord bid me come to you and said, Jesus said come, which is my whole theory about why he sank. I'm like, I don't tell Jesus what to do.
That's hilarious. So I did. You're right. I hadn't thought about that. In fact, that I told I asked God is like God, you know, would you if that's you, would you tell me to come in many
I'm not going to think
I know that my soul, though, is going to be try the poor little soul. It's going to be dry. So y'all be with me on this journey will still have been zoom calls while we good. But anyway,
It's going to be different because I had a routine down and I had, you know, like, you know, I did on my client call and I had a routine down.
And I had, you know, like, you know, I did on my client calls and I did this and I did that. And I got on here, you know, there's a nice and I just
In all of a sudden, it's just kind of like
I don't know. It's like, okay, how how just so doing this while on the road. This is going to be a little different. And it's going to be good. And I'm excited, but it's, it's, um, anyway, it's just
It's going to be good. And I'm excited, but it's, it's, um, anyway, it's just
Just different. But yeah.
I mean, I'm excited.
It's going well.
I've had a lot of affirmation from the Lord, so yeah.
I'm so glad.
Thank you, yeah.
Go ahead.
Oh, sorry, you said something there,
maybe it was that week or the following week
about our houses and about how they kind of
reflect our values and reflect us.
I looked around and went, oh, heck no.
So I've done so much painting and reclaiming my house,
this week, it's like, yeah.
Cause we were trying to finish things up.
I just kind of held off on all the decorating,
held off on everything.
It's like, oh, I'll be practical.
I won't have to take all this down.
But you said that, I'm like, oh my gosh,
I might have to give a swab.
So yeah, I've been painting all week.
That's wonderful.
But here's one of the things that our lives do reflect.
I'm so excited to hear about the paint.
That is the most affordable way
to completely change a home is painting.
But the thing about like stuff like that
is sometimes we don't believe that we,
cause I've done that whole thing before
where it's not practical.
I was in apartments and I'm like,
it's not practical for me to paint.
I got to the point where I'm like, no, this is my home.
To the point where I would paint,
I would have it painted before I moved in
and I would pay to have it painted before I moved out.
Because you always have to change it back
to the original color when you leave.
And I realized, no, I needed to know that,
I don't mean this in a selfish way
or a prideful way or anything.
I'm talking about who I am in Christ.
I realized, no, no, no, this needs to reflect who I am
and it needs to reflect my value and I'm worth this.
I don't need to think that, oh, I need to be practical.
I don't need to be irresponsible.
It's irresponsible to do this, to do that,
I'm like, mm-mm, no, it needs to reflect me.
I need to take my house.
I need to take dominion, not in an abusive way,
but take dominion as in, no, this is, tell my home,
this is who you are.
You reflect me and this is what we will do.
This is what we look like.
And then a whole house, even animists,
animists who believe that inanimate objects have souls,
understand this, they sense the creation settling down
when a son of God presents himself.
Even a non-believer who doesn't know that they're,
that they are who God says that they are,
creation will respond to them.
So Christians didn't believe that.
So the Buddhists and the Hindus and whatever,
they're the ones who figured out,
wait a minute, things are responding to me.
So they started coming up with all of these things
about like explanations of like energy and animism.
Oh, these things must have souls and do that
because they would change in the presence of a human being
who presented themselves.
And even though they don't fully understand why,
creation will still respond in a limited measure
to another human being, even if that human being
doesn't fully understand who it is they are.
It depends on the power and the authority
that they do believe that they have, that they operate in.
They also don't have life coming from it
because they don't have a life source.
But anyway, so my point was that,
yes, sometimes we can just think that
in a way that it reflects who we are,
it sometimes reflects the value
that we believe that we have
or the value that we believe that we don't.
And so anyway, it was stuff like that
that I was saying that it reflects us.
It doesn't reflect who we are,
it reflects what we believe,
reflects who we believe that we are.
So I'm excited.
I told the girls about that.
Oh, it was funny because I said, this is not me.
I'm not a slob.
And they're like, you have four kids.
I said, yeah, you're the slobs.
So they're helping now, but yeah.
That's exciting.
So good.
Good.
Well, is there anything else before we go off?
Everybody good?
Oh, I guess one more thing I'll mention
is just a little side note to bringing up the house
as what we were talking about last time.
I'm hoping to do,
apparently everybody that I'm talking to
is like doing something with their house,
like they're selling or they're getting rid of things
or they're moving into a new one or whatever.
And so I was going to do,
even before I found all of that out,
it was just on my heart to do a teaching
on how our things,
like what you're talking about, Steph,
how our things in our house reflect
what it is that we believe about ourselves
and how to then take dominion over our house in rest.
And so with like, in relationship to things,
because our interactions with things reveal to us,
so much about ourselves.
So anyway, that'll be coming up at some point.
So, well.
Oh, wish me and God's many good blessings.
The next couple of days. I am I y'all have no idea. I'm sitting here on my bed so filthy because I just came back from several hours working on
On setting up the garage sale. And so I'm going to go back. I was telling stuff this I'm going to go back probably about like six 630 tomorrow morning.
I'm helping my the cup my you remember I was staying in my best friend's apartment garage.
Yeah garage apartment. I always say that backwards garage apartment and then
As as she as they told me is I told them that God was calling me to travel. They said, well, actually, my parents have just said that they would like that they're ready to move into
To completely leave their home and sell as much of their stuff as they can and permanently.
Move into the garage apartment. So the Lord was just telling all of us all of this at the same time. So that's wonderful. So I've helped them for a couple of days move out of their home.
And oh, coolest thing. Carrie, you would love this. She had a she shed it. It was like this quilt shop. It was like a quilt makers dream place. It was amazing. I mean, like an entire wall.
Actually, like more than a whole wall and like nothing but fabric like all categorized by color. I know it was like walking into Hobby Lobby. It was it and then like a huge to like huge place to like cut everything and like this little this little place to do or to do to. So, and then this huge
A shelf on one side where she had a whole bunch of stuff set up and then huge shelf above her with all of her like quilting books and magazines.
I mean, seriously, it was like a quilt makers dream. So I went through and helped her like literally like organize and pack and clean all of that move all of that out. And then we worked on the garage as well. So we did that for a couple of days last week.
So tomorrow and the next day I'm helping them with their garage sale and then I'm selling my stuff as well. So it's going to be my best friend's dad who's 70
And then my best friend's son, Nathan. He's my buddy. He's the one who had a tiny 10 the catfish that needed me to poke. So Nathan, my buddy and myself.
So for two days. So the Lord have mercy on us all.
So it'll go really good.
We got it all set up. So tomorrow and the next day will hopefully be easier, but we're basically just asking everybody. Hey, what, what will you offer me for all of it for whatever it is that they've collected them they want
And then if it's in them will work on something that's that's reasonable. So anyway, so it is a lot easier than price tagging everything. I didn't know if y'all ever did did
And garage sales in the 90s, but you price tag everything else sticker everything you need that you need that a heartache.
So I will let y'all go. It's good to see all of you.
It's good to see you, Ashley. I'm excited for you. What kind of a car, you're going to be driving across the country.
I have a Mazda Miata MX five. It's a little two seater.
Sister you
Put your toiletries.
Oh yeah, so I have a matchbox of a trunk, but I have gotten extremely efficient at packing that thing.
Yes.
And yeah, and so like it is so small. It doesn't have a glove compartment. It is that tiny.
So it's me and then my little dog will be in the passenger seat in my little matchbox of a truck. So you understand why I had to sell 95%
Oh my gosh, yeah. And your clothes because it's not like you could take 10 outfits with you.
Yeah. Well, actually, surprisingly, I have a lot of things that are kind of like this, you know,
Really soft and flimsy and so I can I can pack them up pretty tight so I can. Oh, and another thing I ran. I did the whole
And I read a book that talked about like folding things really neatly and tightly and all of that and stuff. And so I did that like three years ago.
So that's how I've been folding my stuff ever since. And so it it's I'm very conducive to traveling very compactly so I can actually take quite a lot of clothes with me.
Yeah, so, but I'm only taking one winter jacket.
My poor little trunk can only handle one winter jacket. But yeah, so yeah, but it'll be fun. It'll be fun. So yeah candy apple red and Mazda Miata MX five can't miss me on the highway.
That's fabulous. Oh my gosh, you're gonna have a great time.
I know I'm excited.
You may want to rethink West Virginia because you'll fall in a pothole and we'll never see you again.
Roads are bad.
Yeah, they're real bad like I went and the guy said, Did you not notice your car riding rough. I said, Did you not notice the roads that I drive on like I had a busted belt my tie.
or something at 14 weights on it.
So I had to get new tires.
And he's like, how did you not notice drive out to my house?
And you'll, you'll figure it out.
You have to get your, your, an axle realigned every now and then.
Uh, you just learn, you don't stay in your lane when you're on some of our
back roads, you like kind of weave and yeah, you drive on what's left.
Yes.
Yeah.
Not on the right or the left.
Just what's left.
This stuff, do you guys have like a democratic mayor or, I mean, governor
and stuff like that?
Are you a democratic state?
I think we do.
Yeah, it might be.
I honestly couldn't tell you.
So, I mean, I know who he is, but I don't really follow him much, which the
whole mask deal and COVID and everything.
We get our daily dose of making fun of big Jim.
So you just kind of ride along with it.
Is that your governor?
Big Jim?
Oh my gosh.
Is he good?
He's a genius.
Yeah.
Our North Carolina governor is like a complete, like everybody
else, God bless governor Cooper.
Yeah.
Well, governor Abbott is currently known, I think beyond the United States
because Texas is one of the first to start reopening.
And so Trump invited him up to the White House to talk about
the plan and all of that stuff.
Well, now Texas is having a spike, which they knew was going to happen.
But what was happening was that if they look at all of the numbers, they say
that if they look at all the numbers and all of the trends, it came from the bars.
And what was the other place?
And in other words, all of the places that make a business
off of tightly packed nightclubs.
And one other one, tightly packing people in, oh, protests.
They said, if you track the people who kind of contacted, who have contracted
COVID, it's the people in protest and the bars.
So they had to shut down the bars again.
And so anyway, so, so it's not, huh?
Up here, they're saying it's from the churches.
So, yeah.
And so now it's mandatory in West Virginia, we wear a mask if we go into a
building, which I'm going tomorrow with my father-in-law, we do the good cop, bad
cop thing for our building permits in the flood zone and stuff.
Finally got our FEMA letter.
So we're going tomorrow to Lord willing, pick up our building permits,
finally finish my house.
But I'm like, Hey, you got to wear a mask.
And he's kind of, so I'll see how this goes.
He hasn't worn one this whole time.
Yeah, but it's just different.
Yeah.
You have mandatory masks too.
I've been kind of surprised.
Like when governor Abbott shut down the bars and stuff like that.
I don't know.
I was surprised by that.
I'm a fan of governor.
He shut down the bars because he reopened them.
Cause he's like, okay, everybody, you've got all these rules to follow, but the
bars were full refused to follow the rules.
And so the problem is that he then had to shut down a lot of stuff, or I say all
not all, maybe some of the bars did, but not the others.
And so what I've heard is that the people who were following the
restrictions were like, Hey, you can open, but you need to like not max out your
occupancy and you have to do this.
And you have to do that.
You follow the regulations.
So he said there were, there were people that were following regulations and those
who weren't were causing all the problems.
And then, but then it, but then you can't like just shut down those people.
It was like, you have to shut down all of them.
And so there were, it was frustrating because they're like, well, there's some
people that are following the rule, but they get hand slapped because of
other people who weren't following him.
So that's anyway, that's what's being said of what, of what happened.
But anyway, so they're trying to reopen things.
But they're, they're having to be careful about how they do that.
But anyway, my point mentioning all of that is now that they've had this spike,
there are some states that I'm having to keep track of that are not accepting
Texans and that are, that are accepting Texans.
But once you cross the border, you have to quarantine yourself for 14 days.
And it's like, like, no, but here's my thought is that if I flew in, they'd know
who I am, but if I just drive through, they don't know I'm there to stop off at
all of the racetracks and QTs or, you know, convenience stores along the way,
go to the bathroom, get my food, go through the drive-throughs, that kind of
thing, no one will be the wiser.
But yes, I don't plan.
I plan to currently avoid New York, Connecticut, New Jersey.
Those are the people that don't like me right now.
Oh my gosh.
I don't know what people are thinking, like, how do you get Americans to obey anything,
let alone Texans?
Like...
I know.
It's not happening.
Yeah.
Too red-blooded for that.
It's not working.
I know.
It's funny.
Okay.
Well, it's good to know.
How are you?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Who?
Me or Carrie?
I was gonna ask Carrie how she was.
What's going on inside your house?
Oh, it has been such a mess, oh my word.
It's still...
I mean, the house we were looking to buy is under contract now, currently, with another
buyer.
And I just honestly, like, I never thought, I didn't think it was going to affect me this
much.
And I feel like...
I feel like my whole month has been wasted because I don't know how to go on.
So I just take one day at a time.
Yeah.
I feel like a very pathetic Christian right now.
No!
Oh my God.
I just, like, it's like, how can a house, like, literally ruin your life?
But it's not.
I guess it's not the house.
It's...
I don't know what.
Yeah.
I don't know what it is.
But no, like, literally, like, I can't...
Like, it's affecting me physically.
Like, I can't even be ready for the baby.
Because I, like...
That was our house.
That was where I was going to have the baby.
And we're, like, a month out.
And I, like, I don't want to do anything.
I don't want to nest to, like, nothing.
And I'm, like...
I don't know what my problem is.
Yeah.
But, yeah.
I don't know.
I have not been having good days.
Today was actually a good day.
But up until then, it has not been a good day.
It's been a real battle.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
So...
I know.
And...
Yeah.
Okay.
Good.
I know.
Good.
I know.
Because you're right.
It's not...
It's not ever the house.
It's not ever the thing.
It's, like, God...
It's what it meant.
Like, God does these things.
God loves me this much.
He...
I would be this safe.
This house would provide me safety.
It would provide me comfort.
It would provide me dreams.
It would provide me the ideas.
That it would...
It would help...
It would help me to see the person that I've always wanted to be and that I believe that
I was, the mom that I could be, the wife that I could find, how I could establish it, you
know?
You know?
And, Lord, you were gonna help me do this.
Why are you setting me up for failure?
Yeah.
It's all in what it...
It's all in what it means because of what we believe about ourselves or what we believe
about God.
And so, it's just...
Have grace for yourself to understand that it's great.
So, one of the things that I recommend is to...
How would I word this?
To release the fact that you feel so bad about feeling bad.
So, that's the first thing to release.
It's not...
Don't worry about the fact that you feel bad.
Focus on relieving yourself of an understanding you're not under any shame or condemnation
for feeling bad.
That's the first thing.
Because otherwise, it's adding weight upon weight.
And so, deal with that.
That's all that I would suggest right now that you deal with.
There's no shame.
There's no condemnation for feeling bad.
And once you realize that there's no shame, that you're not sending in any shame or condemnation,
it puts you in a better place to be able to interact with God, ask Him questions, ask
Him, okay, Lord, why?
You know?
Can you...
I don't know what you're gonna answer me, but can you meet me here?
Can you tell me something?
You know, even if you can't tell me why it happened, even, you know, tell me something,
you know, interact with me because I'm feeling abandoned, I'm feeling alone, and I'm feeling
you did it.
I walked out where you told me you were gonna be, and you weren't there.
I went to the tree.
You called me to the tree.
I went to the tree to meet you, and I stood there all night, and you didn't come.
And it puts you in a better position to be able to talk to Him.
If you understand that you can come to Him with no shame and condemnation.
Jacob wrestled with God all night, and God gave an entire nation out of it, from that
place, out of endearment, so it's okay to be where you are.
Yeah.
It was, it was really interesting.
I mean, I've never, like, I've never experienced anything like this, as far as, like, the whole
spiritual side of it, and it was, like, the week it went under contract, I think it was.
I had asked the Lord, I was going to bed, and I had just asked the Lord, I said, look,
I can't handle the unknown.
I can't handle all these going back and forth between will we get it, will we not, are they
gonna accept it or not, for all this stuff, and I said, like, will you just show me
in the spirit, like what's going to happen or what the outcome will be.
I said, just, if you like, if you can just show me that I'm going to know what
happened and that night I dreamt that we got the house and they came back to us
after the contract failed and gave it to us for the price that we had originally
offered them in cash.
And then that week it went under contract.
So I'm like, okay, what am I going to do?
Like, how do you move on after you feel like you literally have, like, I told
you, it's going to be your house.
Then it's like, well, no, maybe I should just like devalue the dream and then
I'll be fine.
You know what I mean?
It's like, if you just talk down the dream and talk down everything, then,
then you're fine.
You're like, oh, well, you know, it was just a popcorn dream or something, you
know, and I never like, and then all of a sudden it's still, yeah, it's still
under contract.
And I'm like, yeah, I mean the contract can fall through and we can still move.
I have no idea.
And so I feel so stuck because I feel like, well, how do I hold onto the
promise, but still release it and let it go and try not to like be a psycho
control freak.
You know what I mean?
It's just been really, it's been quite the journey.
You hold on to the person who made the promise because the whole point of the
promise is to reveal what he can and will, how he will, how he can try to
figure out how to say this.
Sorry.
There's a lot of things going on in my head, how he desires to manifest himself
to you.
And I don't mean like in, like in the house, but he desires, she's like, okay,
she thinks that house is really big.
I'm trying to tell her, I will manifest myself to her that big.
That big.
And she can trust me for that big and for that much love.
And so if he made that promise, we let go of the results of the promise, but we
always hold our, um, meaning that, uh, so it's not that we're, that we're not
believing that it's going to happen.
It's that we're focusing on the whole point of the promise anyway, which really
is that God's saying he's going to come through the promise.
Isn't the house, the promises.
This is what I will do for you.
This is how I will manifest.
This is how I will operate in your life.
And this is how I will operate with you in your life in this situation.
So you focus on the one who made the promise, not on the, um, and you hold
to that and not to the actual manifestation of the promise.
So it doesn't mean that the actual manifestation won't happen.
It's like, what do I hang on to?
And what do I let go?
We let go of our, of this idea that we have this right.
And this stranglehold in which we're now holding God obligated to like, almost
like we're claiming and in ownership, something that God has, has promised.
And we're now, and we've now used it as a way to turn against him.
It's like to hold accusation against him when God's like, no, no, no.
Hold on to me and watch me do this for you.
So we have to let go of that in order to be over here with him, as opposed to being
over here and then he's talking to us when we're over here, we have to guess to
be hold it, hold it again and go in that journey.
So.
Uh, so anyway, as far as like how to let go, you're not letting go of like the
fact that it's going to happen, but your, but your trust in faith is one who made
the promise, not in the manifestation because the benefit anyway, because the
manifestation and the visible is too flimsy a thing.
It cannot support the power and the authority that a son of God carries.
Um, it can't support the weight of everything.
It is that God is that God is doing.
And so that's one of the reasons why he doesn't want us to latch onto it.
It's, it's a thing that's supposed to serve us.
And when we focus on it and kind of like act like a mother hen with a chick or a,
you know, with a, or with a dragon with an egg or something like that, then we're
serving it.
And so like, no, no, no.
Let me give this to you where you're not in subject or you're not subject to it.
It is subject to you.
So he's trying to move us into more and more freedom.
But anyway, you can ask God about all of that.
Like I said, just release the shame and condemnation of feeling bad for doing
that.
And then allow yourself to be in that place, wrestle with God.
And, and, um, and he delights in the fact that you don't abandon him when you're,
when you don't understand and you have accusation and that you bring it to him,
you know, and then let him kind of work through that with you.
So, but there's no shame or condemnation in being where you are and struggling.
Jesus struggled in the garden.
He sweat.
He struggled so bad that he sweated drops of blood.
which is physically possible.
I read about it once how that happens.
You're under so much stress that literally the capillaries in
your skin break and you sweat blood.
He struggled, Jesus Christ struggled that much in the Garden of Gethsemane.
If our Jesus can do it and not sin,
and if Jacob could wrestle with God and the angel blessed him,
God just doesn't want us to abandon him in the struggle.
He wants to rescue you in it.
All right. I will let y'all go.
Good to see y'all.
Good to see you.
Bye.
See you.