Hey, hi, how are you doing?
I'm doing all right.
Oh, the Christmas tree.
I know.
I'm at my mother-in-law's house, and she kept it up so that,
so that when we all got together, since we didn't celebrate Christmas
this year together because we were with my folks,
she kept it up so that we could all have a special kind of like
Christmas atmosphere when we were all together this time.
So in February, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
So in fact, we actually helped her put it up at Thanksgiving.
Oh my gosh.
So what she did, she was very clever.
She put all kinds of decorations on it,
which you probably can't see very well for like my husband's 50th
birthday that's coming up.
So we were all able to celebrate as a family.
So that was fun.
Oh, how sweet.
Yeah, that was fun.
So anyway, I realized that right before I jumped on, I was like,
Oh, the Christmas tree will be in the back.
Yeah.
It's also I'm here in Florida.
So there's like, like lake back there.
Well, I think it's the lake.
I don't know. It's like the pond really. It's a small bit.
It's really nice to have all of these backyards lead up to it.
In fact, Ed and I are very fortunate. Both of our parents live on water.
So it's kind of nice.
Wow.
It looks great.
Yes.
It's very pretty today.
You know, we're down in Florida. So it's very summery.
I don't know what the temperature is.
I definitely don't know what it is.
I think it's.
It was in the seventies.
That's right.
So obviously it's Valentine's day.
Yeah.
You know, and after our time together, so that's going to be really fun.
Yeah.
So anyway, and I'm going to.
Okay.
That would have been very loud if I'd actually.
Yeah.
How are y'all doing?
I'm very, very busy.
I'm like, I'm sorry,
I'm going to have to keep moving because I have to be outside because
I'm at a birthday party.
And so it's too loud inside, but it was too cold to sit down. So.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
Yeah, no, it's been a very busy day.
At this new job.
Yeah.
I.
I attended a seminar today.
Yeah. So it was like a full day, but you know how it is.
Some people are like,
They're trying to be at this.
And then people are.
Jumping in on the zoom and asking things, but.
It's been good.
Yeah.
And we had a Valentine love hearts giveaway.
So, yeah.
I was excited to see, I don't know if you saw my comments.
I was excited to see that you had this.
You just chosen. Okay. All right.
Then I'm going, if God says that I'm worth it,
then I'm going to act like it. And what are some things that.
You know, I've done.
I've done.
You know, a very.
Joy-filled expression of me to enter earth.
You know, and to actually.
Actually be positive things that I do to create the life that I
experienced.
And you chose to do it.
I thought it was great.
Yeah.
Because.
Yeah.
You know,
I think it's important to do stuff like that.
And in theory, it all sounds nice,
but we haven't been giving ourself permission that.
For so long.
That so often.
Quite honestly, most people don't do.
Don't follow through with it.
I'll tell him, Hey, look, do this and do that.
I think people forget that it's a mentorship program.
Like a church service, like.
Oh, that sounded great. But I'm like, no, no, no, no.
You don't have to.
You don't have to be a mentor.
Do something.
A coach for you to actually do.
Do something.
Do it.
Why?
Because it works.
Yeah.
It's not just for yourself.
Everybody has their own hobbies.
They have enough hobbies without having to join a breast cancer program to add another
one.
I'm like, no, no, no.
This is for it to work.
This is for it to help you get the change in your life that you want.
And so do it because if you want a result out of it, you tell me the result that you
want.
This is the thing that'll help you.
Yeah.
I do.
I really do.
I was excited to hear about the room.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
It's not finished yet, but I've been talking about it for months.
So I'm like, Nope, it's getting done day by day.
So for you, it is, I've noticed.
I've noticed.
That's a thing for me.
Renata knows this too.
It's like, I think it generally goes back to not, not being satisfied.
And then it's the weight.
And then if I'm chaotic, I don't know how you both are, but if things are chaotic around
me, you can tell by coming into my house because it does not look good.
It's like so messy everywhere.
And so I know when I start cleaning, I'm like, okay, I'm actually doing more than just cleaning.
Yeah.
It's the same with like, yeah.
No, go ahead.
Sorry.
No, no.
I was going to say, it's the same when I lost weight.
I saw that that was like, oh, I started to get like traumatized, like feelings coming
up.
And then I was like, oh, then just God showed me, oh, but it's because you used it as protection,
you know?
So when, when you lose the protection, the physical protection, the feelings have nowhere
to hide.
So you have to deal with them or you can eat again and gain weight.
So yeah.
Recurring themes of my life.
Yeah.
And yeah, speaking of all of that, there was something I was going to mention about you
when you talked about, you said, well, you expected that when you went through the grief
of losing your father, that you expected to lose weight because you said that's what happened
last time you were in a very intense, stressful situation.
And I don't know for sure because you know, everyone, everyone's different, but what popped,
what occurred to me and as a possibility, and then of course you ping this off of your
own spirit to determine whether or not this is true for you, but it's possible is that
back then there was an aspect of your self esteem that was hit.
And a lot of times what we do as women is instead of choosing self comfort, we turn
against ourselves.
I mean, both is turning against ourselves, eating too much or not enough, but the not
enough as a result of not feeling good about ourselves.
So we, I mean, so we subconsciously try to make ourselves better in the way that we psychologically
see it.
And so we don't eat because we don't think that as that we're not, we think that there's
something wrong with us as we are against subconsciously, or we at least use our bodies
as like the thing that we blame.
And then, and then you reduce it while with the grief, there wasn't anything personally
back to you that you were affected by.
And so it was just so, but you needed the comfort.
So then we end up eating now, it could be, I could be completely wrong, but that is one
of the reasons that is something that at least some people in your situation, why it would
have been different, the different responses in each situation.
And I know for myself, that's how it's been for me sometimes is that it's based off of
our, am I trying to comfort or am I trying to fix?
And I'm not even trying to do it.
I'm not trying to gain weight, I'm not trying to lose weight, but it, it's the consciously
what's going on.
Am I a problem that I'm trying to fix, like in my own mind, or am I, you know, my emotions
or am, you know, or am I just trying to, everything's going on chaotic around me.
So I'm trying to gain some form of control and I can control what I eat.
In other words, I'm going to eat more if, if everything's being taken from me, how can
I get, so especially in a loss, something's taken, how can I, how can I, what can I grab
and bring towards me again?
Anyway, everybody's different.
No, it makes total sense.
Yeah.
So I just, I didn't, I think that makes total sense because yeah, both how can I get with
grief and then also being in a chaotic, like new job.
So I do, I said on my thing that you both saw where I'm like, okay, I'm trying to like
adapt.
Like, how is this how I do it?
Do I speak to my body?
Do I, but I don't know if I'm at the level of faith because right now I don't feel like
I'm, I don't right now.
not losing weight, you know. So I still feel like, oh, I need to be mindful. I got,
what's a win though? I got joyful about, how can I say this? I've had this eating program before
and I looked at it and it was mainly like pescatarian. Anyways, I looked at it and I
became joyful thinking, oh, I can actually do this and it won't be stressful. Like I'm motivated.
But that's still like living on the second level. So I'm trying to do both. I'm trying to both
be like, oh, maybe I can do that until I get my faith level up to, you know, the spirit where I
can actually, cause I try to speak, like I speak in authority, but with kindness, but I don't know
if I have the level of faith for, I don't know how that's supposed to work, that the weight
magically drops, you know, like in one of, we've heard in like meetings, you know, where people
come in with gray hair and walk out with brown hair and they lose 10 pounds, you know, in the
meeting. I don't, I don't know what it looks like when you like align with the spirit, but.
Yeah. No, I think that what you're doing is great. It's perfect because that, and that's what I try
to encourage people in is so often we think, oh my goodness, you know, I don't want to be here.
I want to be here. So they try to figure out, well, how do I be all in here? But the point is
that they're not at the level. Like you've realized you're not to the point where you can do that.
There's, you can do it more than you could yesterday. So that's where, that's where we're
supposed to live is what level of, to what degree can you agree with God and agree with him to that
degree, choose to that degree. In other words, have faith in him to that degree. And then the
rest of it, except as a good gift from a kind father who loves you, who allows you to use this
tool with this, this diet, this motivation, this whatever, because God's gifts are not bad.
And it's just, in fact, God's Jesus himself still used the tools. He still ate and he still did
whatever that the difference was he had learned that he did. He wasn't subject to them. So God
isn't going to get us to the point where we, I mean, I could be wrong, but he talks, even he
talks for instance, about the marriage, separate the land, you know, my goodness. So apparently
food is great and food is very important, but he wants us to learn how to enjoy it without relying
on it. So the whole thing is that it's not like, like even using the tool, like a diet is bad.
It's just my science and the way that I created the body to work and respond to food or whatever.
I'm the one who created it to work like that. And I don't create bad things. So,
so, so in other words, don't villainize. So that's one of the big things is don't villainize
whatever it is that you're doing. So have faith and choose God to the degree that you believe
that you can. And the rest of it, you're like, okay, God, I can only believe you to this degree
right now, but it's more, more than I used to. And the part that I'm going to be doing
that is feels like the old stuff I used to do. You're now going to be doing it from a different
source. So what I recommend is you do rest tool, rest shifting tool, number five, remember, which
is the number four is choose. In other words, have faith and go where your spirit finds peace.
In other words, that's the, that is having faith on something and acting on it. But then what about
the rest of it? What about the rest of the degree to which you can't shift into rest? You know,
you can, it allows you to rest it to shift into rest a bit more, but what about the rest of it?
Well, the rest of it go again to the next one, which is declare what God said is true. Since
you can't choose it and you can't have faith in it, you did it to whatever degree you could.
Now, how do you get the rest of it? You declare that what God said about himself and about you is
true and then go where your soul finds peace. But the way that this is different is that meaning
like than you've done in the past is that you act instead of using this tool because God's not
helping you in that area. So you have to do it yourself. That's how we've done it in the past.
Instead, we change our perspective of like, okay, God, I'm going to get a bit closer to
eventually being able to choose and have faith in this area. So my meat, my middle step is taking
this tool and choosing to receive it as your gift that you gave to me, as opposed to I'm doing it
because you're not doing anything instead. No, God is being who he says that he is. And that's
where he gave this to me. He gave me this tool to love on me, to help me, to give me a means by
that I could grab and protect.
myself. So receive it as him giving it to you, receive it as
him being good. So basically, my point is, think about like, for
instance, if we're talking about like the goodness of God, okay,
well, God, I can believe that you're good to this degree. So
I'm going to believe it, I'm going to choose it, I'm going to
act on it. But God, I'm struggling to believe that
you're good to this degree. So what do I do about the extra
bit, that extra bit, you're like, okay, God, instead of me
turning to a diet, to fix myself, because these are all
the things that I use myself, you know, to fix myself, you
know, because you're not helping me, because you're not being
good and helping me, I'm going to choose this instead of that,
Lord, I'm choosing that you are giving me this diet to do and
allowing my body to respond to it. Because you're who I'm
asking you to be, I'm asking you to be good, I'm asking you to
help me. And so you came in. So you actually received it as him
answering your prayer, instead of choosing it, because he's not
answering your prayer. Totally different. Totally different.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's so good. How are you doing? And yeah, yeah, thanks.
Yeah. I, I'm interested to hear how you're doing in that too,
Renata, because you mentioned that the last time.
This is so good, Annette and Ashley, I have been dying to
come out, come up tonight to and this is like, I wanted to share
some things. But this is one of the things that I wanted to
share is that I'm struggling so much with weight. So Annette,
you're bringing it up. It's so great. And my perspective is,
and I'm, I'm putting on weight. And Annette is really good with
lots of things in this, but I haven't worked out for half a
year. Like, not even once. I've gone for several walks, several
times a week, but I haven't worked out. And with me, the
issue is that I for 14 years have lost weight, and gained it
and then kept it off. And like, and I've used like, Annette and
I have talked about it. It's been different kind of diet,
it's been different kind of workout. And I've always been
really motivated and disciplined. Annette knows this,
like I go by myself, and then I've held it up for a while,
and then something happened. And I gained and then disciplined
and do the whole old thing again, and again. And what
happened is that one of the things that are great is that
I'm doing better, like my life is in a much better place than
it has been for years. But also, I've been in so much pain,
physically and mentally for so many years, that now that I'm
doing better, it's like I can't handle pain and disciplining
myself and, and going into different regimes of things
anymore. And I think it's because I've been disciplining
myself so much on a mental level, like for my emotions and
my mental health, and physically with weight and other things in
my life to actually just survive in my life. And now that I'm
doing better, I just want to do good. I can't force my body to
do anything. I just want, I just want to be in rest and have
peace. And I want to eat what I want to eat. If I don't want to
work out, I don't want to work out. I just want to and I'm just
want to enjoy actually being horrible. And the bad thing
though, is that...
Sign me up for that.
I'm not working out. I'm not telling myself that I love my
body. But and that the thing that you said about accepting my
body, even if it doesn't lose weight, but I don't think like
and I said that my level of faith is actually at that
point. So it's not working.
Bummer, huh?
The old mode of disciplining myself, but also it's like I'm
learning about living in rest. And I want to do it differently.
I want to do it in a new way, something that I don't have to
go up and down for the next 20 years of my life. And like
weight being an issue for another 14 years of my life. I'm
like, I want to live and rest and I want to eat to do that
healthy and I want to want to exercise. But now I just can't
seem to discipline myself in anything with weight and what
happens? I gain and then I start panicking and stressing out
about it. But I don't have the level of discipline that I
actually believe that I can go through a hard diet or workout
program. Again, and at the same time, I don't know if I believe
in it, in the things that you've taught us, actually, that you
can actually live and rest in this area. So you guys are
talking about this, it's just like, it's so good, because it's
exactly what has been on my mind that I one of the things that I
really wanted to get help and share tonight, because I feel
really good.
At least it helped me when you actually said that all you can
use
the tool when you don't have the faith for it yet. You know what I mean? Like, as you know, Renata,
I've been a tiny bit frustrated at my life for the last years, but now I'm getting words to it
because I'm like, oh, I get why. It's because my spirit knows I'm supposed to live on the third
level, and I get frustrated because I know I'm living on level one and two, but I want to live
from level three, but I don't know how to access it. So that's what you're saying now. It's like,
oh, but I want this. I just want to be there and speak, and it drops, you know?
One day, it's going to happen. Yes. Well, you remember what Paul says. He says,
I do what I don't want to do, you know, what I do want to do. I don't remember how he would say,
you know, what do I do? I don't do what I, you know, don't do. I wish I would, whatever,
you know, and he just, like, it's just battling with himself. It's because, you know, we're both
spirit and soul, and so we just have this, there's this, there's this struggle between the two,
and even Jesus struggled, and that he just always let the spirit win because he learned things by
the things that he, he learned obedience by the things that he suffered. The suffering that God
himself doesn't suffer, so when he was in a physical form, why did he suffer? He suffered
because there was opposition between the soul and the spirit. It says that the spirit wars,
or the soul wars against the spirit, and, and spirit wars against the flesh. So anyway, that's
all very, you know, normal human experience, but that's what it is that we're doing, is that's what
the overcoming is, and that's what Jesus did. It's, it's actually overcoming our, our, our,
our temptation to choose to protect and provide for ourself, you know, and to not believe God,
you know, etc. And you know what you were talking about, Renata, about the, about having a hard time
once you've learned, you know, about rest, and, and how much easier that life can be.
What we have a tendency to do, and it's fascinating that you're bringing this up,
because a lot of people don't, again, have this insight to realize that they eventually get to
this point. So, and that is that, that we, we get to the point where we're, where we've,
we realize that there's this other way to live, but we don't know how to, how to experience and
go through pain in a different way. Like, because we're just so used to going through it, in the
unrest, how do you go through it in rest? We're only used to dealing with it from a particular
perspective. So we think that, we're thinking, I don't want to go back. So there's a measure in
which we're, where you're actually traumatized from your experience with pain, with your,
your experience with discipline, your experience, you know, with a, with a, with struggle,
and, and all of that, because there's nothing wrong with discipline, and discipline is a godly
thing, and it can be gone through in rest. But a lot of times what we've done is, if we have,
is if we have approached discipline with sweat, you know, and effort, then we're afraid of
discipline. And discipline isn't wrong, it's just that we've approached it from the hard,
from the hard direction, and we can actually approach it in rest. We can approach it where
we're not, see, a lot of times with discipline, we're approaching ourselves as this enemy we're
trying to fight and conquer. Like, okay, look, get with the program, you know, I don't know what's
wrong with you, but we can, you know, you're acting in a way that mentally I do not agree with,
and, and you're fighting yourself, as opposed to choosing something for yourself.
So it's kind of view, so what we've done in the past with, with discipline, like say,
for instance, discipline to exercise, or discipline to only eat particular things,
or whatever, or do not eat particular things, is thinking of ourselves as wanting to do something
really, really bad, or not wanting to do something like exercise really, really, really bad,
and we're just gonna make ourselves do it. You know, that is approaching it from a perspective
that we're an enemy, that we're having to fight that, as opposed to thinking, no,
this is something I am choosing for me, because this is something that I want in my life.
So instead of viewing, instead of viewing life from this perspective of, of a victim.
of like I have to respond as if our lives are created by how we have to be
flexible to respond to what happens to us, what comes at us. Okay, I'm in this
situation, now I have to do, now it's, now this thing that's happening is making me
do something I really don't want to do, but now I have to do it because this
thing happened to me or whatever, including ourselves. You know, I've now
found myself in this situation, I'm now weighing something I don't want to weigh,
or I'm now doing, you know, whatever, you know, and, and, or my body is now has
this, this sickness or this whatever, and I don't like it, now I'm being made to, I
have to, whatever. That is a, that, you're right, that makes, that is a lot harder of
a motivation and approach to discipline versus choosing, you know, what kind of a
life do I want to create for myself? Is that what I have? No. Okay, well then
create it, and then how can I, how do I create the type of life that I want for
me? Well, I exercise, you know, I eat these things, and I don't eat these things, and
I whatever, because what you're doing, you're deciding on the offensive, in
other words, creatively, you're co-creating with God, this is what I want
to do, in other words, this is what I want to create, this is how I want to move
forward, this is what I want to bring into the earth and make out of my life,
as opposed to thinking that our life is going to happen because of how hard we
fight all the things that are coming against it. This is exhausting. So if we
change our approach to discipline, if we change our approach to the exercise, our
approach to the diet, our approach to what we used to find to be so hard, if we
approach it now from rest, then we end up doing the things that we need to do
because they're good things that enable us to co-create with the Lord in a
very positive way and bring new things of the Spirit of Heaven into the earth.
That's a lot, it makes it a lot easier and more fun to live life and to get up
in the morning to do all these things that originally we didn't want to do,
than to do it from, you know, from the way that we used to do it. It's like, oh, I
have to, it's a perspective.
Can I ask a question?
No.
What about if you, because when I had to lose lost before, I had to live on such
an element that it's not, that you're almost a little bit starving or you're
under so much pressure. Could it be that it is like your body's fighting against
yourself? That's why I think I started to get into it again. But I probably was
approaching discipline from maybe like the wrong place, just like you're
explaining right now. And I'm thinking like, because in my mind, I'm like, if
I'm going to lose like I've done before, I have to have this extreme, limited
lifestyle with eating so little. And that's what I'm dreading. And now that
I'm actually doing better, I just don't believe in it enough to want to go back
there. But that's my only solution in my mind, because that's how I lost in the
past.
But I have a comment there, because that's, it's kind of like we're in this
grief with mentorship. So I have a health coach, you know, where they gave
me this is the exercise. And they're like, What do you want? I like I hate
working out the least minimum, like give me the least I have to do. That's what I
want to do. So they gave me that. So that's why I'm like, Oh, I can build on
this, I actually feel like, you know, I'm succeeding. And they give you food to
eat based on calories depends on how much I mean, there's a billion different
ways. So you'll have to ask God, like, what's the right thing for you? This
worked for me, it's still counting calories. A lot of people are like, if
you just eat wholesome food, then you'll use we're different. So but but they go
by, but regardless of what you choose, I think you will be led to some sort of
like 8020 where you like, you know, 80%, you have to watch, you know, because we
have to and everything in life. But it's also enjoying and making room to go
with parties and have cake and you know, like and you can still lose weight while
enjoying life and eating a lot of good food and not starving yourself.
Yeah, yeah. And, and that remember that one of the ladies in the rest
intensives gone through and she was just struggling to lose weight. I mean, she
was trying everything. And she was, you know, exercise really, really, really
hard and she had reduced her her calorie count.
really, really small and, and only eating new things and not eating new things and
all this stuff, and she was exhausted with the amount of work and other words,
effort she was putting into it, mental, emotional, physical, whatever, into all
of this, and she's like, actually, even like that, she had it, she had a
nutritionist and she said, actually, even my nutritionist is surprised that I'm
just not that I'm holding onto it and I'm not losing it and she didn't know why.
And I suggested, well, and I think that you could be, you know, give, give
this testimony before or not.
She said, and I was in so she was asking me, do you, how do you, you know, how can
I do this and rest?
Because this is just a part of my life.
It's just not fun, but I'm putting forth a lot of exertion and, and, and I said,
well, I said, it's important to, to love yourself, to love your body.
I said, that's how I started gaining control over my weight is when I owned,
not just when I owned my own body, but I, when I say own my own body, I mean, like
I owned it by and delighted in it, like this is mine and I like it and I choose,
I choose it.
I, it wasn't thrust on me.
I choose it, you know?
And, and then, and I accepted it as it was without requiring it to be different
ever without requiring to ever lose weight and for it to ever look any different than
it did.
And we can tell our bodies that as much as we want, but our bodies know whether or
not we believe it.
It knows whether or not we are really accepting it because that's an emotional,
um, kind of like a spiritual energy that it's receiving from it.
And that's what it's taking its instruction from, not what words we say.
So, because our word, unless our words actually are backing up what it is that we
really believe, but if our words are saying one thing, but really how we feel is
totally different.
Well, then, you know, what we believe is really different.
Well, then our bodies know which message to be taking.
Um, so anyway, when I did that, then, and then she did the same thing when she did
that.
And when I did that, that our body started dropping weight with more food, less
exercise, because our bodies, basically it's like our bodies are following what it
is that we do.
And then, and I was telling a group that my goodness, it was probably back, uh,
about two years ago, I was telling them this on a fireside chat.
Um, and, uh, I mean, cause I've talked to people a lot about this, but I just
happened to come across this fireside chat the other day.
Um, and, uh, and in it, I was explaining, you know, our bodies hold our bodies, hold
on to things like we do our bodies, follow our beliefs.
So in our beliefs, if we're holding on to things, our bodies are holding on to things
because that's the instruction that we're giving it is that we think that we're in
lack.
We have this poverty mentality about life in general.
And so our body is doing the same thing.
It's trying to conserve.
It's trying to get, it's trying to hold on to.
And so the more that we just receive ourselves exactly as we are, and we don't feel
threatened by life, we don't feel threatened by God.
We don't, we especially don't feel threatened by ourselves, you know, and, and
stop trying to disassociate from ourselves.
Then the more there are bodies like, Oh, okay.
So you really are serious that I really don't ever have to change.
You really are.
I can just stay like me, you know, for the rest of our lives.
And you really finally you're accepting that and you like it because if we accept
it and, and we don't like it, it means we're giving up.
And that won't change anything because our body still thinks it's not good enough for
us.
So if we actually choose ourselves without requiring anything more of ourselves than
just, then just to who it is that we currently are and how we're currently
expressing ourselves.
If we do that, then our bodies will finally feel safe enough to come into alignment
with, with the truth of who it is that God says that we are, because we're letting it
be okay where it is.
So anyway, once you do that, well, then your body starts dropping weight without
needing as much exercise and without needing as, as much reduced calorie count
because your body isn't holding.
So if you're doing a lot of that exercise and you're doing a lot of reducing
calories and your body's still holding on to things, it's an emotional issue.
It's a, it's a, it's an emotional issue.
It's a spiritual issue.
Your body is in conservation survival mode against you because you are battling it
and fighting it as an enemy by exercising.
You're fighting it as an enemy by refusing to feed it.
But that's how it's taking it.
When you're not working out and you're eating more than you should, like not,
no, I'm just like, it's, I think it's.
just so interesting to hear because I've been doing exactly like the opposite, like I've been
not accepting, but I've been telling my body like drop this, like I respect you, I do this,
but I haven't been feeling it. And I think when I've been doing the discipline thing
and I've started to lose weight, I've actually started to accept it, but I haven't known that
I've done it. So then it's dropped more, but now that I have been going through grief and stress
and going up, then I start like punishing it subconsciously. I'm just like, I'm not happy
with you. So even now, if I'm trying to eat right or if I'm trying to work out, then I can't because
it still keeps gaining. And I think it's because of what Ashley is saying, like it knows that I
don't like it, you know? But how do you start liking it? And what about now I eat too much
and I don't exercise? Like, can you just continue that, but just tell yourself that you choose to
love yourself and that, but doesn't it have to do with something? I have a suggestion.
I have a suggestion. And then Ashley, you can say if it's a good suggestion or not,
but I think we should hold each other accountable because we're friends.
So, and by that, I mean, like, I mean, it's still going to be the loss of physics until
we have the faith level to live from spirit and you can command your body to drop weight.
If you don't, if you're not at that level, I'm not at that level. And I don't work out and I just
continue to eat. I'm going to lose, I'm going to gain weight. Like, I mean, that's just too much
calories. I mean, it's just a lot, but what I would like for both of us is to find joy in the
discipline and to like, look at like to what I want to do is I want to try to find, so this is
why, because I'm like, maybe you want to do the same. And if you do, we can hold each other
accountable. So that's why I'm saying it. I think I need to practice to look at myself in the mirror
and actually speak kindly to my body. And, and actually like when I wanted to forgive before,
and if, even if I didn't believe it, I was like, I forgive, I forgive. So I have to look at myself
and actually start telling my body. I like it until I believe it, you know, like until I actually
believe it. That's good. Cause that's the same as like getting up in the morning and swimming or
whatever. I'm going to have to do that until I believe it. And then I'm going to have to like,
Oh, but in the meantime, and then I have to practice being on the spirit level, but
also knowing that, Oh, actually I have to do some work here, but I can do the work from rest,
knowing that God has given me these tools. And so that's where I need to like, hold myself
accountable. Am I good at like remembering that? So I'm not trying to do it by myself,
but remembering like, Oh, I can actually ask God to help me. I can ask Holy spirit to help me
like, Oh, this is a difficult day or like, Oh, help me get to the gym or, you know? So we still
do it, but from a place of rest and from like a place of learning how to love our bodies.
Do what? So we still do what? Like, like you go on your soul fight and rest. Like I would
so in something like a diet or a workout that I actually can believe in, even if it's very small,
or what do you mean? I think so for me, I know. Cause I've tried so many things. So now I know
for me, my body likes better if I eat more pescatarian and I have like, I have like a
food thing. So I want to continue doing that. And I want to continue going back to the exercise
because I haven't been doing it for a while and going on my steps. But in addition to that,
I want to tell my body, I love it. And then I want to remind myself that I'm doing this from rest
and I'm not doing it from works. So what I've done this past week is cause I've kind of like,
like you I've been wanting this. Oh, it's great. I can just like live from the spirit. I can just
tell my body to drop this weight and it's magically going to happen. And finally I'm free.
Never. And I never have to think about worrying about food again, and I can just eat whatever,
and I will never have a problem with food. And hopefully I will never have a problem with food,
but that's not where I'm at right now. So obviously then I've been gaining weight because
I've just been doing whatever I want. At the same time, I've been declaring to my body in kindness
to drop the weight at the same time as I've been emotionally not liking it and actually being mad
at it for gaining weight and continue to doing that. So I'm really glad we had this talk. I don't
know. It's like, but I don't know if it makes, is it something, but I guess, yeah.
I don't know how does it sound to I don't know if it makes sense in my head, but I don't know if it makes sense in your head.
or yeah or what Ashley things.
Oh me.
Yes, I think that's great I think it's super reminds that you, there was something that you mentioned just now reminded me as.
And my sister on a fire on one of these fireside chats and again if I can say this because it's public information because y'all have access to the fireside chat so even the past one, I would say the squirrel.
Building and that she mentioned in a fireside chat she said, you know, and of course she wasn't talking about losing weight, though she was talking about but it's the same subject she was talking about.
Well, I think what you're talking about wait, maybe she was talking about wait anyway she was talking about way or she was talking about some of their aspects.
Of the physical healing that she was needing and she said, you know i've been realizing that I have been talking to my body and viewing it as if it was its fault.
it's like that's a really good way to phrase it is instead of like you know over the enemy or whatever, sometimes we have a difficult time connecting with that, but when she said it phrased it like that i'm like that kind of really drove at home.
she's like i've been viewing it and talking to it as if it was its fault and like if it was a child or whatever, and so.
Anyway, that was just something that I was reminded of when you were talking, but no, I think that that's great and and so one of the things that you can do and we're not a disconnects with something else that you had said.
And about the about the discipline and all of that and just basically the trauma.
Of hey i've been there before, and I want to go back and so, therefore, I wanted to have nothing whatsoever to do with exercise or nothing whatsoever to do with diet, because it's kind of like all or nothing.
You know you're probably like me, you know my pendulum seems to swing all to the to all the experience i'm either this way or i'm way over here, you know and God wants to bring me to balance, you know.
That just interestingly, just as a fascinating picture for golf and times when we have a tendency to do this and God teaches us something and we swing way over here.
be okay with yourself and understand that you'll probably swing back this way.
And then you'll swing back this way, but you notice that you're slowly getting to Center so anyway, so just understand if y'all are like me, which it sounds like y'all are.
You know you're very willing to go to extreme just under just just recognize where it is that you are on the journey and that and and.
and understand that God is okay with you, while you're slowly because, even though yeah you're more extreme than you should be you're not doing this anymore.
So you're you are you're you're getting there, you know you're in a process, so anyway, going back to.
What you're talking about about this like this terror of going back to the plan and dieting and and and exercise, one of the ways that you can begin to get over that is choose something that you that.
That you can connect with.
Being able to enjoy and to be giving yourself because you know, I was talking about the fact that hey it's important to just switch our approach to discipline.
Instead of like oh it's something I have to do with something that's being forced on me, and now I have to respond to this thing I didn't even want to happen, you know to me.
Instead of that if you're wanting to now approach things from the perspective of what do I want to create.
In my life, what do I want to create me and the Lord together, what do we want to create our life to be.
In order to start kind of transitioning into that perspective start small start with okay like maybe like running.
Getting on the treadmill and running like four miles, maybe you used to do that and i'm just making something up like say, for instance, but that's what you used to do, and it used to take you like half an hour, an hour or whatever.
To run this one mile at you know, four and a half miles an hour or whatever and you're just like you know what so don't think that you have to go from from nothing.
To that because why because you're traumatized by that, so it might be too much faith for you right now might be too much where you just like Lord I can't do that.
And be in rest I can't believe you to that extent yet okay so start instead of being nothing start doing something that will actually enable you to.
To choose it because you are creating your life, as opposed to approaching it from the perspective of you have to, for instance, if you enjoy walking make your.
Do make yourself do that every day, but, but a distance that pushes you, but that you enjoy so or get on the treadmill you could even if you wanted to do that, but just do it for 15 minutes or just do it in front of the.
television or do it, I don't know, do something that makes you think that makes you that makes
it easier for you to connect with. I am doing this because I choose. I am doing this because
I am trying to create a positive, bigger, broader, bolder, richer life for myself because I want it.
And this is how this is the modality that I'm going to choose in order to do it in.
And so you choose an exercise that enables you to enjoy you. I don't know, dancing or playing
volleyball or something that is easier for you, more easy for you to connect with fun
as opposed to something else. And then only do it for a certain length of time and you don't
have to do it for the hour that you used to do it for. Just do it for 15 minutes or do it for 30
or run for 15 minutes if you used to run for an hour and then walk for the next 15 and do it all
in front of the television. You know, in other words, don't make everything, don't make it all
so hard. So that'll help you get over the trauma that exercise is bad and or exercise is always
the thing that you don't want to do. Exercise is where you're hard on yourself, where you have to
hate yourself, where you have to hate how you feel, you have to dread the experience. So start,
so it's the same thing like what I was talking to Annette about earlier about like
choose to what degree that you can and then declare the rest. So that's what you're doing
here. Do what it is that you can do that enables you to believe God, that enables you to say God
says that you were to be delighted in. What do you need to do in order to actually act on
on believing him that you were to be delighted in, that you were good, that you're enjoyable,
that to enjoy yourself, not just the fact that you're enjoyable. No, no, no. God says
enjoy yourself. Don't believe that you're enjoyable. Enjoy it. Don't believe that you're
supposed to love yourself and believe that you're good. No, no, no. Love you. Actually do the thing.
So what would help you actually act on it? What would help you enjoy you?
What would help you love on yourself? What would help you do that? And then just start
doing what you can to actually obey him. That's what I did when I chose the Lord about loving.
Oh, no, sorry, not loving. Okay, let me use a different example where it says that God
accepted me no matter what, even when I sinned and how I kept using apology as a means by which
I would pay God to reconnect with him. So say, for instance, I felt like God would separate
himself from me and not talk to me if I sinned. And so I was trying to get over that. And I was
like, okay, God, I can't seem to apologize to you without considering it a payment that I'm making
to you. So Lord, the only way that I can get myself to finally believe you is if I don't
apologize. So God, I caught myself in the middle of sinning. Okay, so I'm not going to let myself
apologize to the Lord. I'm going to ask him for something. And I would just basically, I was in
those moments, I was asking God, God, would you please take care of me in this area that I thought
that I had to like cover and protect? And like, I had to apologize and I had to make sure you were
okay. And I had to make sure I wasn't in sin and your presence and all this other stuff, you know,
can you just take care of that for a second? Because I can't take care of that and try to
believe you. I've tried that Lord and all I end up doing is this and not obeying you. Because you
called me in order to obey you. You said that obeying is basically believing. And God, I can't
obey you because I can't find myself, I can't believe you and do this too. So God, I'm going to
abandon this so that I can finally obey you by believing you. So do that kind of a thing. Think,
okay, well, what do I need to do in order to finally obey God? If he says that I'm good,
that I'm, that I'm lovable, and that I'm to be delighted in by actually loving myself,
enjoying myself and delighting in myself. What do I need to do to finally obey God by doing those
things by loving on me by delighting in me by enjoying my own company? What do I need to do?
So you're doing it because those that that's like actions that you're taking in order to finally
obey God. You're trying to think of it this way. You're trying to obey God by doing all those
other things. And it's not working. You don't feel like you're in obedience. You feel like by doing
all those things, you keep failing. That's how we feel. We can like, I'm doing things to obey you,
but I don't feel like I'm obeying you. Then abandon them. It's just like, okay, what did
you say to do? You said to believe. Okay, what do I have to do that will finally help me believe?
So, so I did the drastic things like that and to start breaking off those old mindsets
of, you know, that I would be trauma that I was traumatized by, like, by all of these
other things I kept trying to do.
Is that making sense?
It makes a lot of sense.
Okay.
It's really good.
The only thing is that I, I find comfort in eating that so you're like, what do you want
to do?
Well, I want to eat.
That's how I feel good.
I don't know.
Maybe it is.
I don't know why, because I haven't, I think I also like Annette sometimes eat my emotions
or find some sort of comfort in it.
But it's like when you're talking now, I'm like, it makes a sense.
And then you're saying the thing about delighting and I'm like, well, I delighted foods and
eating things that I shouldn't do.
And, and then I'm like, but I can't do that.
Yes.
Okay.
Very good point.
Okay.
So a couple of things.
First of all, you said it, man, I wish I could remember how you phrased it, but basically
you were saying, you know, that you were, uh, you know, delight in myself while I delight
in food.
Exactly.
We are a couple of things.
One, we need to be delighting in ourselves, not food, which I know that I know that that's
what you meant, but I think it was a bit of a Freudian slip because we do that we're instead
of delighting in ourselves, we're delighting in food.
We don't need to do that.
We're trying to give ourselves comfort.
But so here's what the problem with it, we're disassociating from ourselves.
And so that's part of a problem we need to, we need to actually associate with ourselves
instead of disassociate.
But here's the other thing.
Sometimes we eat, um, in order to get comfort.
So what I would suggest is, and I've done this myself, if there's, if there's something
that I have a tendency to do, um, when some kind of an addiction, like for instance, eating,
you know, or whatever, when, um, in order, in order to make myself feel comforted or
to feel better, I give, I give myself a specific thing to do that I enjoy that I do when I
want to do the other thing.
Like, say for instance, if I want to eat, I think of some other things that I really,
really enjoy doing, especially one that I don't let myself do because I really, really
enjoy it.
I don't know what it would be reading a book, probably like reading some fiction book or
sitting down and watching a 30 minute show.
I don't know, but I let my, I pick something that I, that I let myself do, um, when I want,
when I'm being tempted to do the other.
So, so it gives you a way in which you're able to delight, to give yourself some kind
of a, of a way in which you are expressing life that God has given you to like basically
something that you recognize that you absolutely delight in that makes you feel so excited
and so happy, but it's not self-destructive like eating is so, and it's like something
like reading and it will be, and you give yourself a time limit, like something like
something very harmless, like 15 minutes, you know, you're not sitting down for five
hours when you should be working, you know, it's just for like 15 minutes and, and whatever.
And it has to be something that you really, really, really like, because it has to overpower
the food.
It has to be something because you're replacing it.
Otherwise you're going to have no desire to replace this thing with, you know, to replace
food with this thing, because food is still so much more interesting.
It has to be something that you really, really, really, really like and really enjoy.
And I don't know if it's like watching 15 minutes of your favorite show that you literally
do not let yourself watch unless you want to eat or read the book, or could be like
scrolling through Facebook because maybe you just really enjoy that or it's perusing
things on Pinterest.
I have no idea, but, but pick something.
So what you're doing, and here's the important thing, you're not trading one addiction for
another because that, that just won't help this situation.
What you're doing is you are having to pick something that lets you feel like you, that
lets you kind of like, you remember how I talked about, uh, where whenever we do certain
things, something within our, our spirit just lights up and it's almost like we, we, we've
got like a Christmas tree inside of us and it's like shining out through our pores.
That's what it leads.
It feels like to me when I'm doing my absolute favorite thing, you know, and, and so that's
what lets you know that there's an aspect of a deep aspect of who it is you are, that
you're expressing.
Like it's a deep aspect, in other words, of your spirit, not just something that's kind
of nice.
No, it's a, if there's some way in which you are connecting with a deep part of yourself,
I'm talking about picking something like that up because then what you're trading the food
for is you're trading it for actually expressing.
and delighting in and focusing and putting attention on something that really is you
being more of you into the world. And so you're, so that keeps you from trading in
trading one addiction for another, like, well, instead of eating all, I don't know what you do.
I don't know. Binge watch stranger things. I'm making something up. It be something that makes
you feel, I don't know, like, I don't know that I think it just makes you feel very uniquely like
you almost like when you're doing it and you feel the pleasure of God. You feel, I don't know,
they're like life fires up within you. For me, it's sewing. I love it. Like sewing clothes.
And I know that that sounds really weird. It's surprising even to me. But I tell you,
I light up inside and I even find it odd that I have noticed that I feel a different way when
I'm sewing clothes than I do, or even just looking through books that inspire me to sew clothes.
I just get so excited in a totally different way than when I'm reading a book, totally different
way than when I'm cooking and baking because I enjoy all those things too. I'm telling you what,
it is very unique. I feel like I'm connecting with a core aspect of me. And that's what I'm
saying. It's important to begin to switch to an addiction of trying to comfort oneself
to actually delighting in you expressing you because that other is giving to you so that you
don't have to do anything. And what we need to be getting our life from instead is allow is
accessing the spirit of God within us and letting it flow out. So find those things that let you
connect to that light within you that you're now pulling out and you're getting more life from
instead of I don't want to have to do anything and I want it to feed me. That's eating from the tree
of knowledge that's using something that is corrupted as a fake counterfeit source of fuel
or energy instead of using God's spirit flowing out of us as our source of more energy. Does that
make sense? It's so good. And it's good to like create instead something that where you create
instead of just being like sewing instead of yeah. Oh my goodness. I could speak about this for hours
and listen to you guys talk. I'm gonna head back into the party. Okay. And I want you to be able
to go on your Valentine's walk with your family. But it was so great to see you guys and I can't
wait for next week and yeah. So let's keep each other accountable and let's talk. Let's do it.
All right. Thanks guys. Thank you so much. It was amazing. All right. You're welcome.
Happy Valentine's Day.