I am sorry that it looks like, I don't know why, but I'm going to go ahead and turn off
I don't know why the waiting room is enabled. I don't know if it is an update for Zoom and it's forcing it now. I'm so sorry.
Glad that I'm apparently being notified when everybody's in there. Hey Linda, how are you? You just had a really big week or two weeks in Florida.
I'm sorry, you're on mute. I put everybody on mute automatically so just unmute yourself.
Okay. Yes, I went to Florida. It was amazing. I saw God do things so many times that was so incredible. It was just awesome.
That's exciting. Good. Well, I don't know if you know, but I used to go to school in Pensacola, Florida.
So I don't remember if you were there. I know that y'all were headed there, but you may have gotten all of your rooms may have been in a different city, right?
Y'all ended up getting someplace different because you got a refund.
We were supposed to be in Pensacola the day after the hurricane hit.
And so I had 24 hours to move 34 people and all their accommodations to Panama City Beach.
That's right. Panama City. That's right. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, I used to go to school in Pensacola.
They have beautiful white beaches, but from all the pictures, it looks like y'all had an absolutely optimal time and that the Lord just moved in amazing ways, which is always, of course, what makes everything like that so special.
So I'm glad that y'all had a good time. It's so nice to see you again, everyone.
I met Linda actually in person a few weeks ago because she and her family have a have a resort RV and park.
I didn't know. Ranch. That's what I thought.
You know, in conference center with all of these different and really, really unique amenities on it.
And so my friends and I stayed there for almost two weeks.
And so I got to know Linda a little bit and really, really incredible place. Fascinating story how they got that place from the Lord.
And and just the ministry that has been on their hearts to to use that land to facilitate.
So anyway, I got to meet her there. And so she's asked me what it is that I do.
And I was asking her about her walk with the Lord. So anyway, she she decided to join our community.
And I told her that she would love all of y'all. So it is so good to see some of y'all that I haven't seen in a while.
I'm glad that y'all are doing good. And I have sent some Marco Polo to some of y'all because I'm looking forward to today because I'm looking forward to hearing some updates about how y'all are doing.
But do y'all any of y'all have any anything that y'all want to. Oops, sorry.
I hit the wrong button. Anything that y'all want to start out with any questions that y'all have anything that the Lord has been working on in your lives on this this past week since last time we visited.
Well, I can start.
Yeah, I'm kind of in a really weird place tonight, honestly.
I've been watching the vow.
And it is hard.
It's really hard. It's like, you know, when you see like a bad accident and you can't help but look at it.
You know, you want to look away.
And I feel like
I'm on episode six now.
And I've been chatting with my friend Sarah who's in it.
And, which has been nice to kind of unpack some of it with her but.
it's hard it's really hard now is is the vow an actual
cult or is it a documentary or is that the name of the documentary
it's the name of the documentary about nexium
nexium okay so i mean i couldn't remember if that was the name of the
cult or if it was the name of the documentary okay
so and you said that it's been um difficult
yeah how do you go ahead i'm just gonna ask you to
explain so it sounds like you are um i feel like i i feel like i need to
watch it and my friend who is also in the group
that i was in is watching it too and she's
just blown away by the similarities and um it's just bringing back a lot of
memories and it's it's just been hard but i i feel like i need to just get
through it and
i'm just i don't know like i can't explain this struggle but there's
there's a struggle um and i don't know how to explain it but
it's just this is just kind of where i'm at right now i don't know
what i'm looking for i don't know how to explain it i'm just
processing it now before i uh jump into that would you like to um
because it's your information and i believe that i'm the only one that
you've shared this with so would you um you know fill uh
fill everyone else into the amount and the degree that you feel comfortable
doing so so that they'll understand what it is you're asking sure um
so i was in a a cult group by accident um
i left a few years ago and i was in it for a couple years
and i just with the vow like i met a girl named sarah who was
in another cult and it was another personal development cult
and i didn't realize like i was a christian but i didn't realize
that they weren't real christians who were leading the group
and i thought what they were teaching was from the bible
it seemed so close to the truth but it was like
the enemy coming disguised as an angel of light
and i couldn't see the disguise um many people can't in a cult you just
don't understand because the mind control and the indoctrination is so
strong and so there have been people who have
woken up and gotten out and there are people that i was really
close with who are still in it that i can't speak to anymore because i'm out
and i'm you know like i left which makes me a bad person
and according to them according to the leader who i was very close with
and i struggle i think still because of those friendships that i don't have
which is fine like it's most of the time i'm okay with it
and sometimes like i'm watching this documentary
on the cult that my friend sarah was in and it's become really popular in the
news it's called nexium it's spelled n x
i v m and um you know it's been it's just
i know i i know watching it is helpful because it helps me
understand more about what's gone on and more about what's going on in the world
and i'm glad that my friend has spoken out because
she was actually branded in her group and so
she's spoken out and so have a lot of other people from the group and it's
been amazing to watch her i'm not strong enough to speak out yet
i'm just not um i feel like spiritually i've gotten a lot stronger but i'm not
in a place where i'm able to actually um like it came to my city a couple weeks
ago again because they recruit people they go to cities and recruit people so
they came to my city a couple weeks ago and that was a trigger for me
i still get triggered because i went through a lot of abuse when i was in it
and so i still i went to like three counselors when i got out
because i had gone through so much abuse and
um you know psychological abuse too with the mind control and everything so i'm
watching this documentary now and it is wonderful in some ways because it's
eye-opening and it's helping me see just like from another perspective
what happens in other groups and it's also just it brings up a lot of
emotion in me because it was only
I mean it hasn't been that long since I've really been out and sometimes like I still have friends that are
have one foot in one foot out so it's I think I'm just struggling because I'm navigating it all
I'm triggered from them coming a couple weeks ago I'm triggered from watching this documentary
and like I said it's so helpful but it's also
hard and I and spiritually like I can't figure out what's going on inside of me I don't know what
God's trying to tell me I don't know what I'm supposed to
I just don't know just a whole lot of stuff
Yeah yeah that makes sense I appreciate you and sharing with everyone whatever you felt
comfortable with I didn't feel comfortable being the one to say something it's like I don't know
how much he wants to share about it but I guess it's very sensitive and sensitive thing so yeah
God can use triggers obviously and there are things that for instance when I was at Linda's
Linda Ordway's conference the conference that she was hosting at her place there were various
triggers that were coming up for me and my friends I mean it was just it was constant
and but those things were good there are things that none of us were looking for we weren't
seeking them and that they were just coming up and so it gave it triggers provide an opportunity
for something to come to something to be exposed something that would otherwise be hidden and the
Lord to for us to be able to present it to the Lord for him to be able to deal with it and help
us help us process it and so they're they're not so it provides this tremendous opportunity
now that that being said I'm not I don't know what it is that you shouldn't shouldn't do
should or shouldn't do in this particular situation you just need to follow and follow
the spirit and and if the Lord is is telling you that you need to watch this because he said
you know I have healing for you here I have some things that I want to reveal to you here I am with
you here you're you're no longer you're no longer under threat you are watching this with me is a
safe place or whatever he may he may very well tell you to do that I'm just mentioning another
and trying I'm going to mention a different perspective that you can take to get a broader
context in that of how to view the situation that you can then present to the Lord and and so it
doesn't have to be necessarily in either or it can be kind of like okay Lord here is instead of
viewing it this way or you know or only viewing it this way is there at is there just actually
um a way that I can that I can proceed forward with you in my healing that kind of unders that
kind of incorporates an understanding that Lord you operate in both ways so um so it kind of makes
the Lord our understanding of him bigger broader etc um and uh and again you know this being a
rest intensive we talked about every how to approach everything from a place of rest
and one of the interesting um things is that while uh we can we can we can intentionally put
ourselves in places in which we can be um be triggered exposed to things that are at their
heart or whatever it can it can um be in in very great precious um efforts of us to get healing
but here's the here's the thing that I and here's the whole point that I wanted to point out
nothing wrong with that the Lord absolutely uses that here's just again a way to kind of flesh it
out and kind of like make a little bigger is that it's actually the thing that the Lord of
built us about rest is that us striving for our own healing us putting intentionally putting
ourselves in particular situations um can um it is not actually required for our healing
the Lord can use it and the Lord might actually say hey look for you for where your soul is
this is actually um a really good path for you it is a tool that you can use to leverage your soul
in order to it can it can give you a something that we can relate to that we can grab a hold of
that we can actually sink our fingers into in order to pull ourselves forward because we haven't
been able to do it otherwise so it's actually I'm not negating it in any way I'm not um uh saying
that uh it isn't helpful I'm broadening our understanding of it so that um so that we can
actually uh heal and heal from trauma factor
And that is the fact that in shifting into rest, there's this understanding, this beautiful
understanding that the more that we expose ourselves to the light, the more that it chases
out the darkness and pushes out the darkness without us having to focus on the darkness
and fight it.
The more that we focus on the darkness and fight it, the more attention that we place
to the negative that we're trying to come away from, the more we feed it.
We're feeding the enemy we're trying to escape from.
So we're strengthening the enemy that we're trying to escape from.
It can absolutely be a tool that we can use to leverage.
I'm just saying that.
I'm just trying to, again, I know I keep repeating this because I'm trying to make sure that
I don't ever come across as devaluing one thing.
I use it.
I absolutely do.
I intentionally put myself in certain situations, but that's if I feel like I absolutely need
to because the other isn't working.
I can't seem to grab a hold and grasp the concept of shifting into rest without using
a tool.
But there is an element in which that it's very important for us to understand regardless
of what tool that we're using in order to allow ourselves to be triggered and for certain
things to be exposed in hopes that we're going to understand ourselves better.
We can understand our situation.
We feel that by understanding our situation and by understanding ourselves, we can have
compassion for ourselves.
We can gain compassion and understanding for who it is and forgiveness for who it is that
did these things to us, et cetera, by getting a clear understanding and concept of what
it is that is going on.
I was talking to some friends about this actually just yesterday.
There's this comfort that we have in doing tests, et cetera, like the Enneagram, I believe
is what it's called, or the DISC, or the Myers-Briggs, or whatever.
Personality tests that help us really, truly understand ourselves and others, and there's
just something very comforting in that in finding a way by which we can define, categorize,
and feel ourselves or other people, and that very often helps us to move forward.
But an alternative is that can be used in conjunction with what we're doing, or it can
be used completely on its own and completely ignore the tool because the Lord's that good
and he gives us that opportunity.
Shifting into rest by making the light so much brighter and by focusing only on his
truth, his goodness, his love, believing that he is who he says that he is, we are who he
says that we are, that he is, that his character is as big to the degree that he says that
he is, and we focus completely on that, it will chase out the darkness without us even
having to focus on the darkness, without us having to understand it, having to understand
the trauma, et cetera.
There's two different ways that that can sometimes happen.
Sometimes it happens where it'll, meaning it'll naturally go away without us focusing
on it.
Even if we're mad at God, because we're like, where were you?
You abandoned me in that type of an environment.
I'm not saying that that's what happened to you, but that's what's happened to me in situations
that I've been in, where I felt abused by other people or situations or whatever, like,
Lord, where were you?
And there's an anger that comes from that, that I've held on to for years before I would
end up letting it go.
And eventually what happened is I wouldn't let it go, Lord kept saying, Ashley, let it
go.
You remember in rest, that's what we was talking about, it's all about releasing, it's all
about letting it go.
It's very effortless.
And the Lord just kept saying, Ashley, let it go, and I'm like, no, Lord, I know what
you want me to do, and I just can't let it go, because it's too valuable to let go.
And I'm calling you to account for what it is that you did to me, for what it is, how
it is that you abandoned me or whatever.
So what can happen is one of two things.
Either it can just go on for so long that we just wear ourselves out, and eventually
we just don't care anymore, and we finally will let go.
Or we can cut the time of healing short and choose to let it go.
And then choose to just abandon ourselves and fall on his mercy, fall on who it is that
he declares that he is, and choose that he's that good, even though we don't believe that
he's that good.
Because it's all about choosing, and as opposed to just effortless, the word, and just feeling
like somehow we fall into belief.
Hopefully that makes sense.
But my point is just that what you're going through is extremely understandable.
All of those.
It's very normal that you go through all those triggers. I'll be honest. I, I, um, I mean,
unless the Lord just told me to, I do not see myself being able to watch something like the
bell and I haven't been in the course that I can't, I can't, I just, I just can't handle
that kind of exposure to, to that kind of, um, uh, to that kind of spiritual evil.
Um, and so I can't, I can't imagine, I mean, just even thinking about it makes me a little
nauseated. Um, but I can't even imagine being in it, in something like that. Not that you are
in that one, but being in one and then watching it. I'm triggered and I've never been in one.
So, because, because that evil is so bad. Um, and, uh, because of course, you know,
manipulation and, um, is as the scent of witchcraft because it's taking a person's
power and it's using it against them. Um, so, uh, anyway, um, just know that there are,
there's opportunities and hope that when you are being triggered, it's an, it exposes something
that you don't have to fully understand in order to present to the Lord and say, okay,
Lord, I'm watching all this. I'm being triggered. I really don't know why, but I'm choosing to, um,
I'm choosing to trust that you are who you say that you are and that, um, that you're just going
to take care of all of this for me. And I'm choosing to let it go. I don't know what it is
I'm letting go of Lord. Um, but I'm telling my body and my soul to stop whatever it is doing,
whatever all this triggers that's coming up, that's manifesting as stress, manifesting as
anxiety, et cetera. And I'm telling it as a King, as my spirit to let it go, that I'm here to
protect and provide for it and to just release it. And then it, and then it can stop. If you can't,
um, if you can't get it to stop just commanding it, then, um, then my, the, the, the thing that
I go to next is I just tell myself what it is that I'm going to choose. It's real based off of what
it is that, um, that the Lord has said. And, and it's a, and you, it's not a one and done thing.
It's a continual thing. And I have done it continually and I can, um, and I can vouch
experientially in multiple areas of my life where triggers and traumas have dissipated without me
focusing on them. I just continually chose to release, not knowing what it was I was releasing.
I'm just telling it, Hey, whatever it is you're doing, stop. And my body and my soul would stop.
And then I would tell the Lord, okay, Lord, I'm choosing that. You say that there's nothing that
I'm being threatened by you. You declare that I'm not in a place of lack. You declare that I'm
provided for, that I'm protected, that you love me and that you like me. And then I choose that
that's true. And then, and then I go about my day and I, cause I think, okay, if I choose that
that's true, what would I do now? How would I act? How would I proceed? And I do it. And that's faith
because I've got nothing around me to back me up. Nothing around me to tell me that what I'm doing
is actually valid and true. And that I actually am safe that he says that I am. And so therefore I
choose it. So, um, uh, does anything that I'm saying, um, uh, land and resonate with, with your
question and what it is that you are, um, uh, with, uh, with the turmoil and the unrest that you're
feeling because it, it is aggravating. Um, and it is, there can be a sense of hopelessness
and frustration that you have gone so long and you're still triggered. You're triggered by
watching somebody else's cult. You're triggered by listening to other people talk about it.
You're, you're triggered by the fact that someone is, that they're coming down the road and you
haven't, you're not even seeing them, you know? And so all of those things are very understandable.
And so many years later is, is frustrating and can make us feel hopeless because remember it
says that hope deferred makes the heart sick. So everything that you're going through is extremely
understandable. Um, and so I wanted to make sure that what it is that I'm saying is finding a home
and what, um, and where exactly you're feeling your unrest. Cause I can talk about it from a
different direction if that's not, um, if that's, uh, uh, not where your unrest is. Does that make
sense? Yeah, no, I appreciate everything you're saying and I totally hear you. And I think,
I think part of the, part of the problem for me, if I'm gut level honest is I watched, I watched
the vow. I know they're down the street and it was awful and horrible and abusive and manipulative
and all of those things. And then it was also wonderful and filled with love and.
filled with like people who I was so close to.
And so I think sometimes I actually miss it.
And I can't speak out about it because I miss it still.
I still, I'm triggered because it was,
there was wonderful aspects to it
as much as there was such damage and trauma.
It's like I've said to you before,
how can something be one of the most amazing things
you've ever experienced and one of the worst things
you've ever experienced at the same time?
And so, yeah.
Well, it's the same reason why people
that have engagements with the spiritual realm
that are evil, demonic engagements,
like say they're in yoga or they're in Reiki
or whatever that's called,
or all kinds of other new age things.
It's why it can, unless they just encounter
some real demonic thing that scares them,
it's actually very addictive.
And it's because we were created to engage
with the heavenly realm,
meaning that we are spirit and God is spirit
and there are angels, et cetera.
And it is, there's an element of it that is,
it's the counter of the, and the counterfeit of the truth.
And we're drawn to it because there's an element of us
that it's actually speaking to,
but it's the counterfeit version of it.
So note that the things that you thought
were just so wonderful,
it's because God created something out there
to fill that need.
You were meant to be drawn to it.
But the way that it is being expressed
is in the counterfeit version.
And we need to avoid the counterfeit version
because in it is all these other,
these ties and entanglements and this big, huge web
that will draw us away from the Lord.
So there is a good, perfect and true version.
And that's what it is that we need to speak.
And I think that one of the reasons,
okay, so we think about,
we think it like, say for instance,
what you experienced and maybe the sense of community,
unity, support, whatever, niceness,
whatever in the cult and in the community,
that there's an element of that
in which the body of Christ is meant to operate.
Unfortunately, we don't see it in churches usually.
In a lot of, in most churches,
they're so focused on religion and on legalism
that we actually feel oppressed and stifled
and scared to expose ourselves to each other.
And so there's a lack of unity and community,
but that's not reflective of the true body of Christ.
So I'm not trying to speak badly of the church.
I'm just saying, I'm pointing that out
as why something like a cult could look so wonderful
where we're wondering like, well, where else would I go?
Because you wouldn't be drawn to it
if you found it elsewhere,
but you're not being able to find it elsewhere
makes you miss that.
So know that it's real and that it is out there,
but that that has horrible spiritual
evil attachments to it that will draw to something,
draw to something extremely wicked,
which is evil and Satan,
because remember it says that Satan disguises himself
as an angel of light.
Why is he able to do that?
Well, because he's Lucifer.
He was the angel of light.
So he knows very well.
Who the Lord is and the principles by which
the Lord created everything to operate.
And he takes that and he twists it.
So don't get,
don't feel bad about that part of yourself
that's like drawn to those things.
Recognize it for the fact that it is,
it is beautiful things of the Lord
that he put in you to be attracted to the truth.
But something that's brainwashing,
something that is controlling of other people
and desirous to steal for lack of better phrase,
that's not exactly what's going on,
but let's just word it that way.
Steal someone's power and authority and just be abusive.
There's nothing but death that can come through that.
So something that looks like light,
we're meant to be attracted to the light,
but if it looks like light
that isn't actually have the fruit,
it can bring nothing but death.
So don't feel condemned or frustrated or embarrassed
or aggravated or hopeless because,
oh my goodness, I'm so attracted to this thing.
Where else will I find it?
You will find it because you were created to, you were created to desire it, to be drawn to it,
and you were created that way because God intends to fulfill it. God does not tease,
and he does not give you a desire for something that he does not intend to fulfill. And let me go
a step further based on everything that we've talked about and the fact that we're seated in
heavenly places. We're already united with Christ. God does not ever give us a desire for something
that he has not already fulfilled, that he has not already given us, because we already have
all things in Christ. He teaches us how to walk into them and matures us into how to engage with
it, how to operate in it, et cetera. But know that you have it, and so it's just having been
exposed to the possibility now, and then ask the Lord, okay, Lord, where do you fulfill,
where do I look to see how you've actually already fulfilled that in me or fulfilled that in my life,
and where can I go to see it manifested? What group of people, what community, et cetera,
what body of Christ, what sense of God can I be connected with where I will experience the truth
that totally supersedes the light of the counterfeit that I saw? So, and that's what
that is. But it is frustrating when, and we can miss that thing if we aren't finding it elsewhere,
but I promise you, you're given it because it's found elsewhere. But you don't have to worry that
you're out without it for the rest of your life. And that's, I think, what's hard because I do,
because even though I have great friends, and I have a great husband, and all of those things
are wonderful, it's not the same. It's not the same level of, I'm still connected with my friends,
but it's just all in one place sharing this common, even all my friends who are Christians,
we're all sharing the commonality of loving God and wanting to share more of him with others,
and all of those things are the same. But for some reason, in that kind of secluded situation,
where it's just you in a group of like 50 or 80 other people, and you're all just so bonded and
so close. It's like being like at summer camp all the time, like a Christian summer camp,
where it's just so wonderful, you don't want to leave. And that's what I feel like,
and I want to find that again, but I'm going to work every day, and I'm not feeling it.
Yeah, I just want that again. And I want it to be real. I don't want it to be like counterfeit
again, like it was. But yeah, you know, I just I do, I miss that. And I, when you say that it
totally makes sense. Yeah. And I know that ultimately, even more than what you experienced
in the cult, is what God intends for us to experience as the body of Christ. And then
beyond that, is what God intends for you to experience in your unity and your communion
and your intimacy with him. So you have it. So what it is that you've experienced,
heighten that, you know, exponentially. So there's a level of that, that you will find on earth,
that is even more beautiful than what it felt like in the cults, because again,
the cult, you know, can lead to nothing but death. So that light and that good and that beautiful
and whatever, it actually, it's just kind of like, kind of like the difference between
how to express it. Well, doing that is like, like feeling like joy in the Lord,
versus taking a drug in order to feel good. A cult gives us the semblance of Oh my goodness,
you know, this is what it feels like, you know, to feel good. And yeah, but the way that it's done
is, is what the Bible refers to as remember, and we've talked about this multiple times,
is coming in is where you're not coming in by the gate, but where you're coming in as a thief and
as a robber. And so it's trying to get access to the same benefits, but not going through the right
way, Jesus will eventually say, you know, as they depart from me, I never knew you, you can say that
you cast out demons by name, you can say that you did all this, you can say you did it in the name
of Christianity, you can say that you helped all of these people, you can say that, you know,
that everybody was loving and kind and helpful and supportive of each other. He's like, depart
from me, I never knew you, it can lead to nothing but death. And it was coming in, it's us coming
in as a thief and as a robber. So God has, instead of having to take a drug in order to feel a
particular way, God's like, no, no, no, I intend for
that to actually be done in a very life-giving way.
And the life-giving way supersedes
how the drug makes us feel.
And then our intimacy with God,
which this is meant to only be a type and a shadow of.
Can we only, can we imagine
that this was only meant to be a type and a shadow?
It's a shadow.
It's not even a 2D version.
It doesn't even have color.
It's fuzzy on the edges.
And it's, like I said, it doesn't even have any flesh.
Well, the intimacy that this type and shadow
is meant to express with the Lord
is exponentially greater than that.
And that's not something that God said,
hey, you know what, you know,
some people get that, but not everybody does.
No, God says, it is your right,
and it is your inheritance,
and I've already given it to you.
It's not something that you hope that one day you'll get to.
God says, no, you can have it, and you can have it now.
And so what you can ask the Lord
is take all of these things to the Lord.
And remember, okay, I'm spirit.
I am seated in heavenly places.
I am one with Christ.
I was taken out of Christ.
I've been reinserted back into Christ.
I'm one with him.
You know, he is me, I am him.
And from that place, say, okay, Lord,
I have been exposed to something,
and I now know that you say that because I'm in Christ,
I already have it.
It's not something that will come.
I already have it.
What I'm asking you to do is to reveal to me
how it is that I can step into that.
What is the real thing
that the counterfeit was trying to imitate?
And then can you give that to me with you and me?
And then can you show me,
can you give me a community and a group of people
with whom I can have it in the healthy, godly way
that you intended it?
Because Lord, I'm not seeing it.
I've never seen anything like it at the counterfeit.
And God is so jealous of you,
and he delights in giving you the real thing
as opposed to, well, I know,
I just don't want you to do any drugs,
but I'm not gonna give you the real thing.
No, no, God's not just gonna say,
hey, look, just be in a place of lack.
I don't want you to feel joy,
and I just want you to be okay not feeling it.
No, no, no, no, no.
God has a particular way
in which he needs to fulfill it for you.
And so I recommend come to him again
from that place of breath
that just give up this sense of entitlement
and ownership that all of this has to happen,
and just release it and be like,
okay, Lord, I'm gonna trust in your character.
I'm gonna trust in who it is in your person,
in your being, and who it is that you say that you are.
You give good gifts to me.
The only reason why I want this
is because you created me to want it,
and you don't create me to want something
that not only do you intend to give,
but that you have already given.
I think I said it right.
You always give me something.
You always give me a desire for something
that you have already given to me,
given me the fulfillment of.
You don't give me a desire of something
that you haven't given me the fulfillment of already,
not just the promise of, but the fulfillment of already.
And then our journey with him is learning to walk that out,
because according to Romans 8,
that's our purpose, is manifesting
who it is that we are in the spirit
down into our soul, down into our body.
We already have it.
So we walk out our salvation, it says.
We take what it is that we already have,
and, okay, Lord, how can we see that,
express that, and experience that
in our soul and on our body?
The cult gave you a glimpse into it,
and it was the counterfeit version, and it was the death.
But anyway, know that you've already been given that.
Just go to him from a place of rest,
like, God, just show it to me,
because I'm trusting and believing
that you intend to fulfill it.
That's the place of rest,
where we go to him expectant,
because he said that it's his character to do so.
Even if you don't believe it,
come to him choosing that if he says it,
then it's going to be fulfilled,
and just be expectant that it will happen.
That is coming to the Lord with our desires
from a place of rest, releasing our ownership of it.
Yeah.
I guess I'm like, and I love everything you're saying,
and I guess I'm curious, like, first of all,
that's why I left, because I knew,
once I realized it was counterfeit,
once I woke up, I was.
It's like, I can't do this anymore.
And thank goodness I woke up
and I had some little angels in my life
who helped me wake up.
But how do you be okay with it or reconcile it
in your spirit when it's not actually happening now?
Like, you know, it might be happening
in like 10 years or 20 years.
I might already have it,
but God in his timeline for my life
may not bring it back into my life for a while.
I don't know.
Or can I just access it?
Or like, what if I'm living my life every day,
going to work and not feeling it
or going and hanging out with people in my life
and not feeling it?
Like, how do I manifest it somehow into my life?
Or is it just there and I'm not seeing it?
Like, I guess I just don't understand.
Okay, so again, I know this isn't what we wanna hear,
but coming at things from a place of rest
is this idea that we have to release our ownership of it,
that we are, that we're,
it's gonna sound like some very strange words to use
because I don't think that they exactly express
what I'm trying to say, but we'll just use them.
And that is to release our sense of entitlement to them,
at least an ownership that with the Lord,
I have to have this.
I'm entitled to this.
I wanna feel this.
I wanna see it manifested.
If I don't, there's a problem.
Then that is, we don't realize it,
but that is the very thing that's blocking it
coming into our lives,
is the fact that we are,
we have this sense of entitlement to it
and that we are anxious for it.
Anxious or not anxious for it, we are, what's the word?
We are, well, we're striving for it internally.
We are, we're pursuing it.
There's a desperation
because we're meant to rely on the Lord
and rely on his word, even before we see it manifested.
So we just release ourselves into his hands.
We just release our sense of ownership and entitlement
that we have to have this thing manifested,
that we have to have this thing, et cetera.
That's the thing that I was saying
that we have to let go of.
We have to let go of that requirement,
holding God accountable to doing something.
It's different than holding God accountable
to his words like, Lord, this is what you said,
and so therefore I believe it.
It's very different.
When we're holding God accountable,
it's like we're calling him to account,
like we're his judge and we're saying,
hey, Lord, you promised this to me
and why isn't it here, et cetera.
Those are actually the very things
that desperation and that desperate desire
is actually the thing that's hindering us
from seeing things manifest into reality
because we're the ones who bring it in
and we're actually resisting the manifestation
because we're desperate for it.
Because, and here's why,
remember eating from the tree of the knowledge
of good and evil versus the tree of life.
We believe we're in a place of lack and we need something.
We need protection.
We need provision.
We need comfort and this is how I'm going to get it.
This is how I can provide it for myself
and Lord, I need you to help me do it.
I need you to help me provide this for myself
and that's the problem.
So we take promises that God has given us
and then we try to get them
according to the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
Like, okay, this is a beautiful, wonderful thing
that God promises us.
That's gonna provide for my sense of lack.
That's gonna provide for my,
that's gonna provide for me.
That's going to protect me.
That's how I'm gonna feel better.
And, sorry, just a second.
I can take Ashley.
There we go.
Sorry, we were getting some feedback.
So anyway, that's the thing.
So as far as how to actually,
to answer your question,
how to actually like have it manifest
is we release our sense of ownership that it has to
and we release ourselves to God and say,
God, this thing, this promise that you've given me,
I understand that you say that is my inheritance
that I have seen in this cult,
that I know that you have a real version of it.
I am waiting for that,
but we have to understand that isn't our provision.
That isn't, we're not in a place of lack required
where who it is that we are needs that
in order to calm down.
We actually get that.
that straight from the Lord. Once we choose that we get it straight from the Lord, the
Lord's like, okay, good, then you don't need this. Now I can give it to you. And then it
can manifest. And then God, and what it is that we're looking to him to provide for us,
he'll then he'll then provide it for us straight from him, through the community, through that
sense of unity through that, whatever. But it's no longer an idol, that we believe that
God has given to us to provide something for us. God is our provision, not the tool through
which he provides. Our money is not our money does not provide for us. God provides for
us. And the tool is sent and the way through which sometimes he provides for us this money.
Sometimes he does it through friends gifts. Sometimes he does it just simply because like
what I told you all the other day, and for food, you never like okay, Lord, I really
need food. So I need you to give me money for food, or I need you to have somebody give
me a gift of food or whatever. And God's like, No, I'm just going to make you not hungry.
That's my provision for you. Your body's not going to need it. I'm going to provide you
with the zinc, I'm going to provide you with whatever straight from the living word, you
don't even need food. So because he desires to get to be our protection, our provision.
And sometimes it's your food. Sometimes it's your money to get the food. Sometimes it's
by not being hungry and by providing for our body directly. But regardless, and the Lord
wants us to make sure that we don't make an idol of the means through which he is being
our provision. Does that make sense? So that's the very thing that is actually hindering
us from that getting from something manifesting into reality is the fact that is if we feel
like well, Lord, where do I look for it? How do I manifest it? How do I whatever there's
it? There's that. Anyway, does that make sense? I'm trying to be thorough on my answer. But
is that making sense? Yeah, totally. Yeah, thank you. Um, yeah. Yeah, all I have a few
more questions, but I might polo you them so that we can move on to someone else who
might have something to ask about. So but I appreciate all your wisdom. Thank you. Sure,
you're welcome. I know that some of them are just like the fun answer to hear. But I promise
you, I promise you that is the answer. And I know from experience, as soon as we release,
we release and then all of a sudden God can move. Our desire for him to move is actually
the very thing that's keeping him from being able to do so. We're that powerful, because
he's given us that power and the authority to partner with him and to come into agreement.
And so when we desire something so much that we're holding him accountable to it, we're
actually not in agreement with him when we're in opposition. If we don't know it, we think
we're holding him accountable to his word. But our desire is showing that we're not so
when we finally release, and we finally just submit to our relationship with him, that
is coming into agreement. And all of a sudden, that is when we start finding and finding
what it is that we desire, which God always intended to fulfill. It's just a very unexpected
way of it coming into our life. And it's interesting, because like, how do you know if you're accusing
God or you're holding him accountable to his word? Like, how do you know? You know what
I mean? Yes, it is a it is a short short answer is it is an attitude of the heart.
If we believe that we're that we're in a place of lack, and that we're unprotected and unprovided
for and Lord, if you don't do this, if you don't do whatever, well, then there's an issue,
then we're holding accusation against God. But if if it's just like, Oh, Lord, you said
you wanted to do that. I'm in full agreement. But if you choose to do it, if you choose
to manifest it, like x, y, and z or not, I still am in agreement. I still and I still
choose you. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego told and told the king, they said, you know,
they said, our God will save us from the fire. And even if he doesn't, we still not bow down
to the statue. That is an agreement with God. That is in total submission, that holding
God accountable to his word, and allowing him to manifest it however he desires. God's
provision and protection is not the manifestation. It's his character. It's the it's the it's
the environment in which we are existing is our protection or provision. And I still I
still need to I still haven't done that live. I need to do that live about protection and
provision being a substance in which we are existing. It's not a thing that we're given.
It's an environment in which we exist, and we've never existed outside of it.
Our problem is we think that we do, and so it manifests in our life as if we're not protected
or provided for it, because we don't believe it.
We're not in agreement with it, but in reality, as sons of God, we are always in an environment
of protection and provision.
It's not something we're given, if that makes sense.
Yeah, all amazing points, so thank you, and yeah, I'll shoot you a polo with a few extended
questions, because this brought up a lot of interesting things, so thank you.
Sure.
Well, we have a few minutes left.
We are welcome to go a little bit longer.
I can go probably about 15 minutes over, if y'all have any questions, and anybody who
needs to jump on, jump off early, and you know, is welcome to.
I'm wondering if I've missed anything in the chat that somebody had a question about, and
it doesn't look like any questions, so I will look forward to reading those when we get
done here.
Did anyone have a question before we jump off?
It's good to see everybody's faces.
Hey, Holly, how you doing?
Hey, good, good.
It's so good to see everybody.
It has been like two months since I've been on, and I have missed y'all very much, and
I was actually listening to your polo, and I was like, wait, what day is today?
And I was like, it's Thursday, and it was just a clock, and I was like, it's 9 o'clock,
oh my gosh!
Like, it was just perfect timing, so I was really glad to be able to jump on.
I'm glad, I'm glad.
But I do have a quick question.
Yay!
My question is, I have a friend who, I don't know if I've mentioned, I think I've mentioned
her to you, Ashley, I don't know if I've mentioned her in the group, but I have a friend that
lost her husband, she's in her mid-30s, and lost her husband on New Year's Day, and has
three little kids, and she's a really good friend from college.
You, Ashley, is Katie Zappazotti?
Yeah, I know her, yeah.
Yeah, Toni just got an award posthumously, which was really special.
Oh, you're muted, Holly.
There you go.
Sorry, I don't know how I did that.
I was wanting to really minister to her about some stuff, I've, of course, prayed for her
a lot and communicate with her a lot, but right now, and I'm just believing that she
will come out of this through a spirit of grief there, versus just her being in grief
and grieving Toni's death, and I am bumping up against a lot of resentment, and I'm not
totally sure what all the words are for it, and I also do not want to be judgmental at
all for where she's at, and what phase of grief she's going through, and that kind of
everything, but she is really having a hard time that everybody else's life is still put
together, and hers is not, and so, for instance, we'll be on the phone, and I'll be like,
okay, girl, I gotta make dinner, and I'll talk to you later, because we talk often,
and she'll be like, yeah, great, have fun making dinner for your whole family, like
me, and my husband is still alive, and I'm like, I get it, I get it, I would probably
feel the same way in many instances, but it's such a spirit of grief, and she's such a close
friend, and I'm just struggling about how to speak to her spirit, and call her spirit
sort of out of that, and have a visit with her, but still be a really safe place for
her to have a terrible day, and a terrible attitude with, because I'm fine with that,
because we're close friends, but if you just have any advice about how to, obviously, I'm
praying and interceding for her as well, but how to speak to her spirit, and call her spirit
so that I really am an encouragement to her when we talk, and it's not just what it is
right now, it doesn't feel like I'm doing any kingdom good for her.
Yeah, yeah.
And there's multiple things that you can do. And let me get off of this and your piece just that
Okay, can you hear me okay
Yeah, can you hear me okay okay good right because this is my air pod was dying and my air pod, because the other one died completely like I'm gonna have to
So I have one air pod
But anyway, I need to just switch really quick for a time. And
So there's different things that you can do
You can there's there's the thing that of you talking directly whenever you're talking directly to her and interacting with her
There's that aspect and then there's also the aspect which I can talk about again
And there's also the aspect of what to do when you're not talking to her directly and you can still talk to her spirit
Even when you're not speaking with her and you can talk to her spirit
I thought you can talk to her body. We can we can do all of that stuff. Um, and
So if you're not with her because you're not with her more often than you are
Talking to her, you know, you can just you can just talk to talk
you know cheers to her spirit and declare declare as
remember who it is that you are because again that the point of all of this is for is
And the power where all of this comes in is when we understand and remember our identity I
Am in Christ. I'm one with Christ. I have and I am Christ, you know, he is me
It says all of this in the Bible and says that we are
You know that we have that power and the authority and then to speak from that position
Speaking to her spirit declaring the things over her spirit that God says about us that God says about Christ that God says
You know
all of those things that he says are true and we can just declare those things anything that kind of comes into your spirit as
a spirit, you know what these things are true about Katie and
and we and and
And etc and just talking about that then you can talk to her soul
Especially but you could talk to her body as well and then just talk about you know
And just and be the king that she's not recognizing
She is for herself because her soul. Hey, Jonathan. Good to see you, bud
That because her because she's the king over her own soul and body and
But she doesn't recognize it right now and so her soul is in terror
It thinks it has to provide for and protect itself
And so you at being one with her spirit if she isn't recognized her her
Recognizing her own kingship you can come in and talk to her soul so that her soul can for lack of a better phrase
I don't want to say wake up, but it will have a king to respond to
Because there's an element now you don't have the exact same authority
So to speak that that gets a little fuzzy, but let's just say for simplicity sake
You don't have the exact same authority as she does as a king over her soul
But you have enough being one the one spirit with her spirit you have enough
you have enough authority as
As a son of God to be able to speak to an aspect of creation and for it to respond to you
Because it just wants to know that it's safe
So you tell it that it's safe and you tell it that it can
You declare truth over it and you be you be
The safe you in your spirit in recognition and acknowledgement of what's going on and who you are in the spirit knew it is and
You are spirit is
You be the safe place that her soul is looking for peace from
So and and then it can then it can begin to start breaking shackles from off of her soul
So that she can be can stop being in such resistance to her own spirit
And and to her to be on her own kingship over her soul. So that's how you can do it
When you are remote meaning like you're not even talking to her over the phone or anything
I I've done that multiple times. I've done that in in in declaring healing over someone
Whether it be physical healing or emotional healing or whatever and I'm telling you what it works
It works when doctors haven't worked. It works when years of
You know, you know, whatever inner healing, you know hasn't worked it really does work
And then as far as like talking to her directly and interacting with her directly
Just
Talking to who it is that she is
Not the broken person that she's that she's expressing the broken person that she thinks that she is
It doesn't mean
Just it doesn't mean devaluing or disregarding or ignoring what it is that she's saying because then
someone doesn't feel heard, and not, what's the word?
Not discrediting, but not, like say for instance,
you said, oh, well, I'm just like this,
and I'm just like that, what I'm not saying
is to say, no, you're not like that,
and you're not like that, and you are like this,
and you are like that, because the problem with that
is in order to say what you're not,
you have to acknowledge it,
because you're saying, no, you're not that,
so it's acknowledging it, and so it's the thing
that I was talking to Alana about earlier,
it's feeding the very enemy that we're trying
to escape from, because he's been seen,
so I'm not saying that it's bad to say those things,
because sometimes, like I was telling Alana,
it is a leverage for our soul, and so it can be helpful,
but there's an element in which it actually makes
it a lot harder to overcome trauma,
so as much as possible, I try, whenever I can,
to talk to someone's spirit, and to just declare over them
who it is that they are, and by that,
I'm trying to think about how to explain it,
I just see them in the spirit, and I see who it is
that they are, and then I just talk to them,
I just talk to them like that, I talk to them
how I'm seeing them, so what I have to do
is I have to put on my own oxygen mask,
I have to see them like that, I have to see who it is
that I am, who God declares me to be,
and know that God declares them to be like that,
and then that's how I see them, and when I see them
like that, it's very effortless to talk to that person,
as opposed to seeing them the way that they say
that they are, and then trying to remember
who it is that God says that they are,
that it's very difficult, and it doesn't work,
I have to put on my own oxygen mask,
I have to do all the quote-unquote work,
I have to put myself in that position,
and then it's very effortless to know what to say
in this situation, it's very effortless to interact
with that person when they're hurting,
and when they're saying things, you naturally know
what to say to comfort them, you naturally know
how to speak life into them, because you're not
trying to pump them up and motivate them,
and oh, you're like this, and you're like that,
and you're not like this, and you're not like that,
it's not, I just, I don't know, I just find myself
like telling someone, oh my, you know,
I so much appreciate the fact that you're like,
that you do such and such, and oh my goodness,
that insight is extraordinary, and I don't even have to,
I'm not trying to give them motivational speeches,
I'm just, I effortlessly know what to say,
I'm seeing them like that, kind of like a man
who's trying to present himself as a woman,
but I know he's a man, so I just talk to him like a man,
I don't even have to think about it, you know,
he can try to think he's a woman, and try to talk to me
like a woman all he wants, but I know he's a man,
and so I just talk to him like that, I don't have to try,
is that helpful, does that make sense?
Mm-hmm, yeah.
Right, well, it was good to see everybody, I guess,
I will let everyone go, I am in Mountain Standard Time,
actually now, so it was seven o'clock for me,
so now it's eight, so I'll be in Central Time tomorrow,
going back to Texas, and I think I'm going
across Southern United States to East Texas.
You're coming back to Texas?
Yeah, yeah, I am, just for a week.
Cool.
Yeah.
Well, we'll have to get together.
Yeah, I'd enjoy that, we could do that.
If you have time, let me know.
That's right, hey, Jonathan, maybe I can come see you.
Yeah, you can.
All about your school, and your horseback riding.
And the place he comes for you.
That's right, and your drums, oh my word,
you're so good on those drums.
I'm not good on the drums.
Awesome.
Well, safe travels, and we'll see you next time,
or later when you're here, we'll see ya.
Sounds good, good to see all of y'all.
You too, bye.
Bye.
Good night, guys.