WEBVTT

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I am sorry that it looks like, I don't know why, but I'm going to go ahead and turn off

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I don't know why the waiting room is enabled. I don't know if it is an update for Zoom and it's forcing it now. I'm so sorry.

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Glad that I'm apparently being notified when everybody's in there. Hey Linda, how are you? You just had a really big week or two weeks in Florida.

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I'm sorry, you're on mute. I put everybody on mute automatically so just unmute yourself.

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Okay. Yes, I went to Florida. It was amazing. I saw God do things so many times that was so incredible. It was just awesome.

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That's exciting. Good. Well, I don't know if you know, but I used to go to school in Pensacola, Florida.

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So I don't remember if you were there. I know that y'all were headed there, but you may have gotten all of your rooms may have been in a different city, right?

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Y'all ended up getting someplace different because you got a refund.

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We were supposed to be in Pensacola the day after the hurricane hit.

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And so I had 24 hours to move 34 people and all their accommodations to Panama City Beach.

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That's right. Panama City. That's right. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, I used to go to school in Pensacola.

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They have beautiful white beaches, but from all the pictures, it looks like y'all had an absolutely optimal time and that the Lord just moved in amazing ways, which is always, of course, what makes everything like that so special.

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So I'm glad that y'all had a good time. It's so nice to see you again, everyone.

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I met Linda actually in person a few weeks ago because she and her family have a have a resort RV and park.

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I didn't know. Ranch. That's what I thought.

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You know, in conference center with all of these different and really, really unique amenities on it.

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And so my friends and I stayed there for almost two weeks.

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And so I got to know Linda a little bit and really, really incredible place. Fascinating story how they got that place from the Lord.

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And and just the ministry that has been on their hearts to to use that land to facilitate.

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So anyway, I got to meet her there. And so she's asked me what it is that I do.

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And I was asking her about her walk with the Lord. So anyway, she she decided to join our community.

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And I told her that she would love all of y'all. So it is so good to see some of y'all that I haven't seen in a while.

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I'm glad that y'all are doing good. And I have sent some Marco Polo to some of y'all because I'm looking forward to today because I'm looking forward to hearing some updates about how y'all are doing.

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But do y'all any of y'all have any anything that y'all want to. Oops, sorry.

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I hit the wrong button. Anything that y'all want to start out with any questions that y'all have anything that the Lord has been working on in your lives on this this past week since last time we visited.

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Well, I can start.

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Yeah, I'm kind of in a really weird place tonight, honestly.

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I've been watching the vow.

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And it is hard.

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It's really hard. It's like, you know, when you see like a bad accident and you can't help but look at it.

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You know, you want to look away.

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And I feel like

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I'm on episode six now.

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And I've been chatting with my friend Sarah who's in it.

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And, which has been nice to kind of unpack some of it with her but.

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it's hard it's really hard now is is the vow an actual

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cult or is it a documentary or is that the name of the documentary

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it's the name of the documentary about nexium

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nexium okay so i mean i couldn't remember if that was the name of the

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cult or if it was the name of the documentary okay

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so and you said that it's been um difficult

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yeah how do you go ahead i'm just gonna ask you to

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explain so it sounds like you are um i feel like i i feel like i need to

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watch it and my friend who is also in the group

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that i was in is watching it too and she's

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just blown away by the similarities and um it's just bringing back a lot of

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memories and it's it's just been hard but i i feel like i need to just get

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through it and

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i'm just i don't know like i can't explain this struggle but there's

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there's a struggle um and i don't know how to explain it but

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it's just this is just kind of where i'm at right now i don't know

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what i'm looking for i don't know how to explain it i'm just

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processing it now before i uh jump into that would you like to um

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because it's your information and i believe that i'm the only one that

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you've shared this with so would you um you know fill uh

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fill everyone else into the amount and the degree that you feel comfortable

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doing so so that they'll understand what it is you're asking sure um

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so i was in a a cult group by accident um

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i left a few years ago and i was in it for a couple years

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and i just with the vow like i met a girl named sarah who was

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in another cult and it was another personal development cult

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and i didn't realize like i was a christian but i didn't realize

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that they weren't real christians who were leading the group

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and i thought what they were teaching was from the bible

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it seemed so close to the truth but it was like

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the enemy coming disguised as an angel of light

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and i couldn't see the disguise um many people can't in a cult you just

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don't understand because the mind control and the indoctrination is so

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strong and so there have been people who have

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woken up and gotten out and there are people that i was really

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close with who are still in it that i can't speak to anymore because i'm out

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and i'm you know like i left which makes me a bad person

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and according to them according to the leader who i was very close with

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and i struggle i think still because of those friendships that i don't have

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which is fine like it's most of the time i'm okay with it

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and sometimes like i'm watching this documentary

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on the cult that my friend sarah was in and it's become really popular in the

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news it's called nexium it's spelled n x

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i v m and um you know it's been it's just

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i know i i know watching it is helpful because it helps me

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understand more about what's gone on and more about what's going on in the world

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and i'm glad that my friend has spoken out because

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she was actually branded in her group and so

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she's spoken out and so have a lot of other people from the group and it's

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been amazing to watch her i'm not strong enough to speak out yet

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i'm just not um i feel like spiritually i've gotten a lot stronger but i'm not

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in a place where i'm able to actually um like it came to my city a couple weeks

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ago again because they recruit people they go to cities and recruit people so

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they came to my city a couple weeks ago and that was a trigger for me

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i still get triggered because i went through a lot of abuse when i was in it

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and so i still i went to like three counselors when i got out

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because i had gone through so much abuse and

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um you know psychological abuse too with the mind control and everything so i'm

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watching this documentary now and it is wonderful in some ways because it's

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eye-opening and it's helping me see just like from another perspective

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what happens in other groups and it's also just it brings up a lot of

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emotion in me because it was only

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I mean it hasn't been that long since I've really been out and sometimes like I still have friends that are

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have one foot in one foot out so it's I think I'm just struggling because I'm navigating it all

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I'm triggered from them coming a couple weeks ago I'm triggered from watching this documentary

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and like I said it's so helpful but it's also

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hard and I and spiritually like I can't figure out what's going on inside of me I don't know what

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God's trying to tell me I don't know what I'm supposed to

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I just don't know just a whole lot of stuff

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Yeah yeah that makes sense I appreciate you and sharing with everyone whatever you felt

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comfortable with I didn't feel comfortable being the one to say something it's like I don't know

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how much he wants to share about it but I guess it's very sensitive and sensitive thing so yeah

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God can use triggers obviously and there are things that for instance when I was at Linda's

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Linda Ordway's conference the conference that she was hosting at her place there were various

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triggers that were coming up for me and my friends I mean it was just it was constant

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and but those things were good there are things that none of us were looking for we weren't

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seeking them and that they were just coming up and so it gave it triggers provide an opportunity

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for something to come to something to be exposed something that would otherwise be hidden and the

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Lord to for us to be able to present it to the Lord for him to be able to deal with it and help

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us help us process it and so they're they're not so it provides this tremendous opportunity

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now that that being said I'm not I don't know what it is that you shouldn't shouldn't do

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should or shouldn't do in this particular situation you just need to follow and follow

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the spirit and and if the Lord is is telling you that you need to watch this because he said

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you know I have healing for you here I have some things that I want to reveal to you here I am with

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you here you're you're no longer you're no longer under threat you are watching this with me is a

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safe place or whatever he may he may very well tell you to do that I'm just mentioning another

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and trying I'm going to mention a different perspective that you can take to get a broader

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context in that of how to view the situation that you can then present to the Lord and and so it

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doesn't have to be necessarily in either or it can be kind of like okay Lord here is instead of

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viewing it this way or you know or only viewing it this way is there at is there just actually

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um a way that I can that I can proceed forward with you in my healing that kind of unders that

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kind of incorporates an understanding that Lord you operate in both ways so um so it kind of makes

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the Lord our understanding of him bigger broader etc um and uh and again you know this being a

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rest intensive we talked about every how to approach everything from a place of rest

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and one of the interesting um things is that while uh we can we can we can intentionally put

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ourselves in places in which we can be um be triggered exposed to things that are at their

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heart or whatever it can it can um be in in very great precious um efforts of us to get healing

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but here's the here's the thing that I and here's the whole point that I wanted to point out

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nothing wrong with that the Lord absolutely uses that here's just again a way to kind of flesh it

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out and kind of like make a little bigger is that it's actually the thing that the Lord of

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built us about rest is that us striving for our own healing us putting intentionally putting

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ourselves in particular situations um can um it is not actually required for our healing

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the Lord can use it and the Lord might actually say hey look for you for where your soul is

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this is actually um a really good path for you it is a tool that you can use to leverage your soul

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in order to it can it can give you a something that we can relate to that we can grab a hold of

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that we can actually sink our fingers into in order to pull ourselves forward because we haven't

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been able to do it otherwise so it's actually I'm not negating it in any way I'm not um uh saying

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that uh it isn't helpful I'm broadening our understanding of it so that um so that we can

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actually uh heal and heal from trauma factor

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And that is the fact that in shifting into rest, there's this understanding, this beautiful

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understanding that the more that we expose ourselves to the light, the more that it chases

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out the darkness and pushes out the darkness without us having to focus on the darkness

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and fight it.

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The more that we focus on the darkness and fight it, the more attention that we place

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to the negative that we're trying to come away from, the more we feed it.

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We're feeding the enemy we're trying to escape from.

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So we're strengthening the enemy that we're trying to escape from.

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It can absolutely be a tool that we can use to leverage.

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I'm just saying that.

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I'm just trying to, again, I know I keep repeating this because I'm trying to make sure that

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I don't ever come across as devaluing one thing.

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I use it.

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I absolutely do.

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I intentionally put myself in certain situations, but that's if I feel like I absolutely need

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to because the other isn't working.

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I can't seem to grab a hold and grasp the concept of shifting into rest without using

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a tool.

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But there is an element in which that it's very important for us to understand regardless

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of what tool that we're using in order to allow ourselves to be triggered and for certain

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things to be exposed in hopes that we're going to understand ourselves better.

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We can understand our situation.

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We feel that by understanding our situation and by understanding ourselves, we can have

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compassion for ourselves.

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We can gain compassion and understanding for who it is and forgiveness for who it is that

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did these things to us, et cetera, by getting a clear understanding and concept of what

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it is that is going on.

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I was talking to some friends about this actually just yesterday.

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There's this comfort that we have in doing tests, et cetera, like the Enneagram, I believe

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is what it's called, or the DISC, or the Myers-Briggs, or whatever.

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Personality tests that help us really, truly understand ourselves and others, and there's

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just something very comforting in that in finding a way by which we can define, categorize,

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and feel ourselves or other people, and that very often helps us to move forward.

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But an alternative is that can be used in conjunction with what we're doing, or it can

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be used completely on its own and completely ignore the tool because the Lord's that good

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and he gives us that opportunity.

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Shifting into rest by making the light so much brighter and by focusing only on his

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truth, his goodness, his love, believing that he is who he says that he is, we are who he

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says that we are, that he is, that his character is as big to the degree that he says that

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he is, and we focus completely on that, it will chase out the darkness without us even

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having to focus on the darkness, without us having to understand it, having to understand

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the trauma, et cetera.

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There's two different ways that that can sometimes happen.

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Sometimes it happens where it'll, meaning it'll naturally go away without us focusing

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on it.

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Even if we're mad at God, because we're like, where were you?

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You abandoned me in that type of an environment.

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I'm not saying that that's what happened to you, but that's what's happened to me in situations

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that I've been in, where I felt abused by other people or situations or whatever, like,

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Lord, where were you?

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And there's an anger that comes from that, that I've held on to for years before I would

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end up letting it go.

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And eventually what happened is I wouldn't let it go, Lord kept saying, Ashley, let it

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go.

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You remember in rest, that's what we was talking about, it's all about releasing, it's all

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about letting it go.

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It's very effortless.

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And the Lord just kept saying, Ashley, let it go, and I'm like, no, Lord, I know what

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you want me to do, and I just can't let it go, because it's too valuable to let go.

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And I'm calling you to account for what it is that you did to me, for what it is, how

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it is that you abandoned me or whatever.

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So what can happen is one of two things.

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Either it can just go on for so long that we just wear ourselves out, and eventually

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we just don't care anymore, and we finally will let go.

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Or we can cut the time of healing short and choose to let it go.

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And then choose to just abandon ourselves and fall on his mercy, fall on who it is that

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he declares that he is, and choose that he's that good, even though we don't believe that

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he's that good.

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Because it's all about choosing, and as opposed to just effortless, the word, and just feeling

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like somehow we fall into belief.

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Hopefully that makes sense.

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But my point is just that what you're going through is extremely understandable.

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All of those.

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It's very normal that you go through all those triggers. I'll be honest. I, I, um, I mean,

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unless the Lord just told me to, I do not see myself being able to watch something like the

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bell and I haven't been in the course that I can't, I can't, I just, I just can't handle

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that kind of exposure to, to that kind of, um, uh, to that kind of spiritual evil.

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Um, and so I can't, I can't imagine, I mean, just even thinking about it makes me a little

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nauseated. Um, but I can't even imagine being in it, in something like that. Not that you are

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in that one, but being in one and then watching it. I'm triggered and I've never been in one.

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So, because, because that evil is so bad. Um, and, uh, because of course, you know,

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manipulation and, um, is as the scent of witchcraft because it's taking a person's

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power and it's using it against them. Um, so, uh, anyway, um, just know that there are,

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there's opportunities and hope that when you are being triggered, it's an, it exposes something

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that you don't have to fully understand in order to present to the Lord and say, okay,

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Lord, I'm watching all this. I'm being triggered. I really don't know why, but I'm choosing to, um,

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I'm choosing to trust that you are who you say that you are and that, um, that you're just going

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to take care of all of this for me. And I'm choosing to let it go. I don't know what it is

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I'm letting go of Lord. Um, but I'm telling my body and my soul to stop whatever it is doing,

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whatever all this triggers that's coming up, that's manifesting as stress, manifesting as

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anxiety, et cetera. And I'm telling it as a King, as my spirit to let it go, that I'm here to

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protect and provide for it and to just release it. And then it, and then it can stop. If you can't,

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um, if you can't get it to stop just commanding it, then, um, then my, the, the, the thing that

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I go to next is I just tell myself what it is that I'm going to choose. It's real based off of what

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it is that, um, that the Lord has said. And, and it's a, and you, it's not a one and done thing.

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It's a continual thing. And I have done it continually and I can, um, and I can vouch

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experientially in multiple areas of my life where triggers and traumas have dissipated without me

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focusing on them. I just continually chose to release, not knowing what it was I was releasing.

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I'm just telling it, Hey, whatever it is you're doing, stop. And my body and my soul would stop.

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And then I would tell the Lord, okay, Lord, I'm choosing that. You say that there's nothing that

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I'm being threatened by you. You declare that I'm not in a place of lack. You declare that I'm

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provided for, that I'm protected, that you love me and that you like me. And then I choose that

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that's true. And then, and then I go about my day and I, cause I think, okay, if I choose that

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that's true, what would I do now? How would I act? How would I proceed? And I do it. And that's faith

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because I've got nothing around me to back me up. Nothing around me to tell me that what I'm doing

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is actually valid and true. And that I actually am safe that he says that I am. And so therefore I

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choose it. So, um, uh, does anything that I'm saying, um, uh, land and resonate with, with your

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question and what it is that you are, um, uh, with, uh, with the turmoil and the unrest that you're

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feeling because it, it is aggravating. Um, and it is, there can be a sense of hopelessness

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and frustration that you have gone so long and you're still triggered. You're triggered by

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watching somebody else's cult. You're triggered by listening to other people talk about it.

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You're, you're triggered by the fact that someone is, that they're coming down the road and you

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haven't, you're not even seeing them, you know? And so all of those things are very understandable.

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And so many years later is, is frustrating and can make us feel hopeless because remember it

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says that hope deferred makes the heart sick. So everything that you're going through is extremely

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understandable. Um, and so I wanted to make sure that what it is that I'm saying is finding a home

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and what, um, and where exactly you're feeling your unrest. Cause I can talk about it from a

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different direction if that's not, um, if that's, uh, uh, not where your unrest is. Does that make

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sense? Yeah, no, I appreciate everything you're saying and I totally hear you. And I think,

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I think part of the, part of the problem for me, if I'm gut level honest is I watched, I watched

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the vow. I know they're down the street and it was awful and horrible and abusive and manipulative

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and all of those things. And then it was also wonderful and filled with love and.

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filled with like people who I was so close to.

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And so I think sometimes I actually miss it.

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And I can't speak out about it because I miss it still.

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I still, I'm triggered because it was,

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there was wonderful aspects to it

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as much as there was such damage and trauma.

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It's like I've said to you before,

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how can something be one of the most amazing things

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you've ever experienced and one of the worst things

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you've ever experienced at the same time?

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And so, yeah.

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Well, it's the same reason why people

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that have engagements with the spiritual realm

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that are evil, demonic engagements,

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like say they're in yoga or they're in Reiki

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or whatever that's called,

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or all kinds of other new age things.

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It's why it can, unless they just encounter

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some real demonic thing that scares them,

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it's actually very addictive.

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And it's because we were created to engage

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with the heavenly realm,

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meaning that we are spirit and God is spirit

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and there are angels, et cetera.

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And it is, there's an element of it that is,

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it's the counter of the, and the counterfeit of the truth.

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And we're drawn to it because there's an element of us

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that it's actually speaking to,

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but it's the counterfeit version of it.

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So note that the things that you thought

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were just so wonderful,

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it's because God created something out there

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to fill that need.

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You were meant to be drawn to it.

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But the way that it is being expressed

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is in the counterfeit version.

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And we need to avoid the counterfeit version

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because in it is all these other,

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these ties and entanglements and this big, huge web

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that will draw us away from the Lord.

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So there is a good, perfect and true version.

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And that's what it is that we need to speak.

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And I think that one of the reasons,

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okay, so we think about,

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we think it like, say for instance,

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what you experienced and maybe the sense of community,

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unity, support, whatever, niceness,

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whatever in the cult and in the community,

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that there's an element of that

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in which the body of Christ is meant to operate.

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Unfortunately, we don't see it in churches usually.

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In a lot of, in most churches,

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they're so focused on religion and on legalism

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that we actually feel oppressed and stifled

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and scared to expose ourselves to each other.

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And so there's a lack of unity and community,

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but that's not reflective of the true body of Christ.

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So I'm not trying to speak badly of the church.

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I'm just saying, I'm pointing that out

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as why something like a cult could look so wonderful

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where we're wondering like, well, where else would I go?

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Because you wouldn't be drawn to it

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if you found it elsewhere,

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but you're not being able to find it elsewhere

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makes you miss that.

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So know that it's real and that it is out there,

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but that that has horrible spiritual

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evil attachments to it that will draw to something,

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draw to something extremely wicked,

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which is evil and Satan,

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because remember it says that Satan disguises himself

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as an angel of light.

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Why is he able to do that?

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Well, because he's Lucifer.

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He was the angel of light.

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So he knows very well.

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Who the Lord is and the principles by which

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the Lord created everything to operate.

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And he takes that and he twists it.

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So don't get,

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don't feel bad about that part of yourself

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that's like drawn to those things.

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Recognize it for the fact that it is,

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it is beautiful things of the Lord

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that he put in you to be attracted to the truth.

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But something that's brainwashing,

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something that is controlling of other people

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and desirous to steal for lack of better phrase,

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that's not exactly what's going on,

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but let's just word it that way.

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Steal someone's power and authority and just be abusive.

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There's nothing but death that can come through that.

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So something that looks like light,

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we're meant to be attracted to the light,

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but if it looks like light

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that isn't actually have the fruit,

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it can bring nothing but death.

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So don't feel condemned or frustrated or embarrassed

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or aggravated or hopeless because,

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oh my goodness, I'm so attracted to this thing.

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Where else will I find it?

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You will find it because you were created to, you were created to desire it, to be drawn to it,

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and you were created that way because God intends to fulfill it. God does not tease,

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and he does not give you a desire for something that he does not intend to fulfill. And let me go

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a step further based on everything that we've talked about and the fact that we're seated in

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heavenly places. We're already united with Christ. God does not ever give us a desire for something

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that he has not already fulfilled, that he has not already given us, because we already have

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all things in Christ. He teaches us how to walk into them and matures us into how to engage with

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it, how to operate in it, et cetera. But know that you have it, and so it's just having been

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exposed to the possibility now, and then ask the Lord, okay, Lord, where do you fulfill,

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where do I look to see how you've actually already fulfilled that in me or fulfilled that in my life,

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and where can I go to see it manifested? What group of people, what community, et cetera,

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what body of Christ, what sense of God can I be connected with where I will experience the truth

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that totally supersedes the light of the counterfeit that I saw? So, and that's what

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that is. But it is frustrating when, and we can miss that thing if we aren't finding it elsewhere,

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but I promise you, you're given it because it's found elsewhere. But you don't have to worry that

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you're out without it for the rest of your life. And that's, I think, what's hard because I do,

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because even though I have great friends, and I have a great husband, and all of those things

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are wonderful, it's not the same. It's not the same level of, I'm still connected with my friends,

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but it's just all in one place sharing this common, even all my friends who are Christians,

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we're all sharing the commonality of loving God and wanting to share more of him with others,

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and all of those things are the same. But for some reason, in that kind of secluded situation,

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where it's just you in a group of like 50 or 80 other people, and you're all just so bonded and

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so close. It's like being like at summer camp all the time, like a Christian summer camp,

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where it's just so wonderful, you don't want to leave. And that's what I feel like,

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and I want to find that again, but I'm going to work every day, and I'm not feeling it.

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Yeah, I just want that again. And I want it to be real. I don't want it to be like counterfeit

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again, like it was. But yeah, you know, I just I do, I miss that. And I, when you say that it

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totally makes sense. Yeah. And I know that ultimately, even more than what you experienced

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in the cult, is what God intends for us to experience as the body of Christ. And then

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beyond that, is what God intends for you to experience in your unity and your communion

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and your intimacy with him. So you have it. So what it is that you've experienced,

399
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heighten that, you know, exponentially. So there's a level of that, that you will find on earth,

400
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that is even more beautiful than what it felt like in the cults, because again,

401
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the cult, you know, can lead to nothing but death. So that light and that good and that beautiful

402
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and whatever, it actually, it's just kind of like, kind of like the difference between

403
00:33:51.760 --> 00:33:57.600
how to express it. Well, doing that is like, like feeling like joy in the Lord,

404
00:33:57.600 --> 00:34:04.720
versus taking a drug in order to feel good. A cult gives us the semblance of Oh my goodness,

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you know, this is what it feels like, you know, to feel good. And yeah, but the way that it's done

406
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is, is what the Bible refers to as remember, and we've talked about this multiple times,

407
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is coming in is where you're not coming in by the gate, but where you're coming in as a thief and

408
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as a robber. And so it's trying to get access to the same benefits, but not going through the right

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way, Jesus will eventually say, you know, as they depart from me, I never knew you, you can say that

410
00:34:31.199 --> 00:34:34.639
you cast out demons by name, you can say that you did all this, you can say you did it in the name

411
00:34:34.639 --> 00:34:38.480
of Christianity, you can say that you helped all of these people, you can say that, you know,

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that everybody was loving and kind and helpful and supportive of each other. He's like, depart

413
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from me, I never knew you, it can lead to nothing but death. And it was coming in, it's us coming

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in as a thief and as a robber. So God has, instead of having to take a drug in order to feel a

415
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particular way, God's like, no, no, no, I intend for

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that to actually be done in a very life-giving way.

417
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And the life-giving way supersedes

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how the drug makes us feel.

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And then our intimacy with God,

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which this is meant to only be a type and a shadow of.

421
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Can we only, can we imagine

422
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that this was only meant to be a type and a shadow?

423
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It's a shadow.

424
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It's not even a 2D version.

425
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It doesn't even have color.

426
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It's fuzzy on the edges.

427
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And it's, like I said, it doesn't even have any flesh.

428
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Well, the intimacy that this type and shadow

429
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is meant to express with the Lord

430
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is exponentially greater than that.

431
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And that's not something that God said,

432
00:35:45.600 --> 00:35:47.960
hey, you know what, you know,

433
00:35:47.960 --> 00:35:50.440
some people get that, but not everybody does.

434
00:35:50.440 --> 00:35:53.120
No, God says, it is your right,

435
00:35:53.120 --> 00:35:54.600
and it is your inheritance,

436
00:35:54.600 --> 00:35:56.520
and I've already given it to you.

437
00:35:56.560 --> 00:36:00.320
It's not something that you hope that one day you'll get to.

438
00:36:00.320 --> 00:36:03.960
God says, no, you can have it, and you can have it now.

439
00:36:03.960 --> 00:36:05.560
And so what you can ask the Lord

440
00:36:05.560 --> 00:36:07.640
is take all of these things to the Lord.

441
00:36:07.640 --> 00:36:11.120
And remember, okay, I'm spirit.

442
00:36:11.120 --> 00:36:13.200
I am seated in heavenly places.

443
00:36:13.200 --> 00:36:14.400
I am one with Christ.

444
00:36:14.400 --> 00:36:15.680
I was taken out of Christ.

445
00:36:15.680 --> 00:36:17.680
I've been reinserted back into Christ.

446
00:36:17.680 --> 00:36:18.720
I'm one with him.

447
00:36:19.840 --> 00:36:22.280
You know, he is me, I am him.

448
00:36:22.280 --> 00:36:24.720
And from that place, say, okay, Lord,

449
00:36:24.760 --> 00:36:27.480
I have been exposed to something,

450
00:36:27.480 --> 00:36:32.480
and I now know that you say that because I'm in Christ,

451
00:36:33.640 --> 00:36:35.480
I already have it.

452
00:36:35.480 --> 00:36:37.240
It's not something that will come.

453
00:36:37.240 --> 00:36:38.120
I already have it.

454
00:36:38.120 --> 00:36:41.800
What I'm asking you to do is to reveal to me

455
00:36:41.800 --> 00:36:43.880
how it is that I can step into that.

456
00:36:43.880 --> 00:36:46.200
What is the real thing

457
00:36:46.200 --> 00:36:49.720
that the counterfeit was trying to imitate?

458
00:36:49.720 --> 00:36:54.040
And then can you give that to me with you and me?

459
00:36:54.080 --> 00:36:55.520
And then can you show me,

460
00:36:55.520 --> 00:36:58.360
can you give me a community and a group of people

461
00:36:58.360 --> 00:37:01.240
with whom I can have it in the healthy, godly way

462
00:37:01.240 --> 00:37:02.560
that you intended it?

463
00:37:02.560 --> 00:37:04.880
Because Lord, I'm not seeing it.

464
00:37:04.880 --> 00:37:07.440
I've never seen anything like it at the counterfeit.

465
00:37:07.440 --> 00:37:09.560
And God is so jealous of you,

466
00:37:09.560 --> 00:37:14.560
and he delights in giving you the real thing

467
00:37:14.880 --> 00:37:16.160
as opposed to, well, I know,

468
00:37:16.160 --> 00:37:18.600
I just don't want you to do any drugs,

469
00:37:18.600 --> 00:37:20.640
but I'm not gonna give you the real thing.

470
00:37:20.640 --> 00:37:23.320
No, no, God's not just gonna say,

471
00:37:23.320 --> 00:37:25.920
hey, look, just be in a place of lack.

472
00:37:26.880 --> 00:37:28.680
I don't want you to feel joy,

473
00:37:28.680 --> 00:37:31.160
and I just want you to be okay not feeling it.

474
00:37:31.160 --> 00:37:32.520
No, no, no, no, no.

475
00:37:32.520 --> 00:37:34.840
God has a particular way

476
00:37:34.840 --> 00:37:36.880
in which he needs to fulfill it for you.

477
00:37:36.880 --> 00:37:39.280
And so I recommend come to him again

478
00:37:39.280 --> 00:37:40.840
from that place of breath

479
00:37:40.840 --> 00:37:44.640
that just give up this sense of entitlement

480
00:37:44.640 --> 00:37:47.000
and ownership that all of this has to happen,

481
00:37:48.240 --> 00:37:49.880
and just release it and be like,

482
00:37:49.880 --> 00:37:52.080
okay, Lord, I'm gonna trust in your character.

483
00:37:52.080 --> 00:37:55.800
I'm gonna trust in who it is in your person,

484
00:37:55.800 --> 00:37:58.560
in your being, and who it is that you say that you are.

485
00:37:58.560 --> 00:38:00.480
You give good gifts to me.

486
00:38:00.480 --> 00:38:02.000
The only reason why I want this

487
00:38:02.000 --> 00:38:04.040
is because you created me to want it,

488
00:38:04.040 --> 00:38:08.160
and you don't create me to want something

489
00:38:08.160 --> 00:38:10.640
that not only do you intend to give,

490
00:38:10.640 --> 00:38:13.960
but that you have already given.

491
00:38:13.960 --> 00:38:15.000
I think I said it right.

492
00:38:15.000 --> 00:38:18.040
You always give me something.

493
00:38:18.040 --> 00:38:21.680
You always give me a desire for something

494
00:38:22.280 --> 00:38:24.160
that you have already given to me,

495
00:38:24.160 --> 00:38:25.680
given me the fulfillment of.

496
00:38:25.680 --> 00:38:27.600
You don't give me a desire of something

497
00:38:27.600 --> 00:38:31.960
that you haven't given me the fulfillment of already,

498
00:38:31.960 --> 00:38:35.200
not just the promise of, but the fulfillment of already.

499
00:38:36.040 --> 00:38:41.040
And then our journey with him is learning to walk that out,

500
00:38:41.240 --> 00:38:43.040
because according to Romans 8,

501
00:38:43.040 --> 00:38:45.680
that's our purpose, is manifesting

502
00:38:45.680 --> 00:38:47.160
who it is that we are in the spirit

503
00:38:47.160 --> 00:38:49.520
down into our soul, down into our body.

504
00:38:49.520 --> 00:38:50.520
We already have it.

505
00:38:50.520 --> 00:38:53.840
So we walk out our salvation, it says.

506
00:38:53.840 --> 00:38:57.200
We take what it is that we already have,

507
00:38:57.200 --> 00:38:59.000
and, okay, Lord, how can we see that,

508
00:38:59.000 --> 00:39:01.200
express that, and experience that

509
00:39:01.200 --> 00:39:03.160
in our soul and on our body?

510
00:39:03.160 --> 00:39:06.320
The cult gave you a glimpse into it,

511
00:39:06.320 --> 00:39:08.880
and it was the counterfeit version, and it was the death.

512
00:39:08.880 --> 00:39:12.280
But anyway, know that you've already been given that.

513
00:39:12.280 --> 00:39:13.640
Just go to him from a place of rest,

514
00:39:13.640 --> 00:39:15.240
like, God, just show it to me,

515
00:39:15.240 --> 00:39:18.800
because I'm trusting and believing

516
00:39:18.800 --> 00:39:21.000
that you intend to fulfill it.

517
00:39:21.000 --> 00:39:23.240
That's the place of rest,

518
00:39:23.240 --> 00:39:27.120
where we go to him expectant,

519
00:39:27.120 --> 00:39:30.200
because he said that it's his character to do so.

520
00:39:30.200 --> 00:39:32.160
Even if you don't believe it,

521
00:39:32.160 --> 00:39:35.280
come to him choosing that if he says it,

522
00:39:35.280 --> 00:39:37.160
then it's going to be fulfilled,

523
00:39:37.160 --> 00:39:40.080
and just be expectant that it will happen.

524
00:39:40.080 --> 00:39:44.080
That is coming to the Lord with our desires

525
00:39:44.080 --> 00:39:48.000
from a place of rest, releasing our ownership of it.

526
00:39:48.160 --> 00:39:49.480
Yeah.

527
00:39:49.480 --> 00:39:51.680
I guess I'm like, and I love everything you're saying,

528
00:39:51.680 --> 00:39:54.040
and I guess I'm curious, like, first of all,

529
00:39:54.040 --> 00:39:55.960
that's why I left, because I knew,

530
00:39:55.960 --> 00:39:58.160
once I realized it was counterfeit,

531
00:39:58.160 --> 00:40:00.120
once I woke up, I was.

532
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.960
It's like, I can't do this anymore.

533
00:40:01.960 --> 00:40:03.520
And thank goodness I woke up

534
00:40:03.520 --> 00:40:05.200
and I had some little angels in my life

535
00:40:05.200 --> 00:40:06.680
who helped me wake up.

536
00:40:06.680 --> 00:40:11.640
But how do you be okay with it or reconcile it

537
00:40:11.640 --> 00:40:15.720
in your spirit when it's not actually happening now?

538
00:40:15.720 --> 00:40:18.840
Like, you know, it might be happening

539
00:40:18.840 --> 00:40:20.500
in like 10 years or 20 years.

540
00:40:20.500 --> 00:40:21.500
I might already have it,

541
00:40:21.500 --> 00:40:24.320
but God in his timeline for my life

542
00:40:24.320 --> 00:40:26.400
may not bring it back into my life for a while.

543
00:40:26.400 --> 00:40:27.240
I don't know.

544
00:40:27.240 --> 00:40:28.440
Or can I just access it?

545
00:40:28.440 --> 00:40:31.200
Or like, what if I'm living my life every day,

546
00:40:31.200 --> 00:40:35.000
going to work and not feeling it

547
00:40:35.000 --> 00:40:37.120
or going and hanging out with people in my life

548
00:40:37.120 --> 00:40:38.200
and not feeling it?

549
00:40:38.200 --> 00:40:42.280
Like, how do I manifest it somehow into my life?

550
00:40:42.280 --> 00:40:44.680
Or is it just there and I'm not seeing it?

551
00:40:44.680 --> 00:40:47.120
Like, I guess I just don't understand.

552
00:40:48.720 --> 00:40:53.720
Okay, so again, I know this isn't what we wanna hear,

553
00:40:53.920 --> 00:40:58.040
but coming at things from a place of rest

554
00:40:58.640 --> 00:41:00.840
is this idea that we have to release our ownership of it,

555
00:41:00.840 --> 00:41:02.860
that we are, that we're,

556
00:41:04.920 --> 00:41:07.680
it's gonna sound like some very strange words to use

557
00:41:07.680 --> 00:41:10.960
because I don't think that they exactly express

558
00:41:10.960 --> 00:41:15.080
what I'm trying to say, but we'll just use them.

559
00:41:15.080 --> 00:41:18.320
And that is to release our sense of entitlement to them,

560
00:41:18.320 --> 00:41:20.080
at least an ownership that with the Lord,

561
00:41:20.080 --> 00:41:21.240
I have to have this.

562
00:41:21.240 --> 00:41:22.520
I'm entitled to this.

563
00:41:22.520 --> 00:41:23.360
I wanna feel this.

564
00:41:23.360 --> 00:41:25.800
I wanna see it manifested.

565
00:41:25.800 --> 00:41:27.320
If I don't, there's a problem.

566
00:41:29.200 --> 00:41:33.960
Then that is, we don't realize it,

567
00:41:33.960 --> 00:41:36.640
but that is the very thing that's blocking it

568
00:41:36.640 --> 00:41:38.000
coming into our lives,

569
00:41:38.000 --> 00:41:39.760
is the fact that we are,

570
00:41:39.760 --> 00:41:42.000
we have this sense of entitlement to it

571
00:41:42.000 --> 00:41:45.520
and that we are anxious for it.

572
00:41:45.520 --> 00:41:49.880
Anxious or not anxious for it, we are, what's the word?

573
00:41:49.880 --> 00:41:54.880
We are, well, we're striving for it internally.

574
00:41:55.560 --> 00:41:58.280
We are, we're pursuing it.

575
00:41:58.280 --> 00:41:59.560
There's a desperation

576
00:42:00.720 --> 00:42:03.520
because we're meant to rely on the Lord

577
00:42:03.520 --> 00:42:07.600
and rely on his word, even before we see it manifested.

578
00:42:07.600 --> 00:42:10.960
So we just release ourselves into his hands.

579
00:42:10.960 --> 00:42:14.520
We just release our sense of ownership and entitlement

580
00:42:14.520 --> 00:42:16.000
that we have to have this thing manifested,

581
00:42:16.000 --> 00:42:18.520
that we have to have this thing, et cetera.

582
00:42:18.520 --> 00:42:19.960
That's the thing that I was saying

583
00:42:19.960 --> 00:42:20.960
that we have to let go of.

584
00:42:20.960 --> 00:42:24.520
We have to let go of that requirement,

585
00:42:25.160 --> 00:42:28.640
holding God accountable to doing something.

586
00:42:30.560 --> 00:42:32.160
It's different than holding God accountable

587
00:42:32.160 --> 00:42:34.160
to his words like, Lord, this is what you said,

588
00:42:34.160 --> 00:42:35.600
and so therefore I believe it.

589
00:42:35.600 --> 00:42:36.600
It's very different.

590
00:42:36.600 --> 00:42:37.880
When we're holding God accountable,

591
00:42:37.880 --> 00:42:39.760
it's like we're calling him to account,

592
00:42:39.760 --> 00:42:42.680
like we're his judge and we're saying,

593
00:42:42.680 --> 00:42:44.480
hey, Lord, you promised this to me

594
00:42:44.480 --> 00:42:46.480
and why isn't it here, et cetera.

595
00:42:46.480 --> 00:42:48.240
Those are actually the very things

596
00:42:48.240 --> 00:42:53.240
that desperation and that desperate desire

597
00:42:53.840 --> 00:42:56.160
is actually the thing that's hindering us

598
00:42:57.240 --> 00:43:01.680
from seeing things manifest into reality

599
00:43:02.720 --> 00:43:05.360
because we're the ones who bring it in

600
00:43:05.360 --> 00:43:09.600
and we're actually resisting the manifestation

601
00:43:09.600 --> 00:43:13.920
because we're desperate for it.

602
00:43:13.920 --> 00:43:15.120
Because, and here's why,

603
00:43:15.120 --> 00:43:16.560
remember eating from the tree of the knowledge

604
00:43:16.560 --> 00:43:18.440
of good and evil versus the tree of life.

605
00:43:18.440 --> 00:43:22.640
We believe we're in a place of lack and we need something.

606
00:43:22.680 --> 00:43:24.320
We need protection.

607
00:43:24.320 --> 00:43:25.720
We need provision.

608
00:43:25.720 --> 00:43:28.560
We need comfort and this is how I'm going to get it.

609
00:43:28.560 --> 00:43:31.520
This is how I can provide it for myself

610
00:43:31.520 --> 00:43:34.440
and Lord, I need you to help me do it.

611
00:43:34.440 --> 00:43:37.320
I need you to help me provide this for myself

612
00:43:37.320 --> 00:43:38.920
and that's the problem.

613
00:43:38.920 --> 00:43:43.920
So we take promises that God has given us

614
00:43:44.880 --> 00:43:47.880
and then we try to get them

615
00:43:47.880 --> 00:43:50.240
according to the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

616
00:43:50.280 --> 00:43:53.320
Like, okay, this is a beautiful, wonderful thing

617
00:43:53.320 --> 00:43:54.840
that God promises us.

618
00:43:54.840 --> 00:43:57.480
That's gonna provide for my sense of lack.

619
00:43:57.480 --> 00:43:59.000
That's gonna provide for my,

620
00:44:00.040 --> 00:44:01.120
that's gonna provide for me.

621
00:44:01.120 --> 00:44:02.160
That's going to protect me.

622
00:44:02.160 --> 00:44:03.920
That's how I'm gonna feel better.

623
00:44:03.920 --> 00:44:07.400
And, sorry, just a second.

624
00:44:12.600 --> 00:44:14.440
I can take Ashley.

625
00:44:14.440 --> 00:44:15.280
There we go.

626
00:44:15.280 --> 00:44:17.520
Sorry, we were getting some feedback.

627
00:44:18.480 --> 00:44:21.360
So anyway, that's the thing.

628
00:44:21.360 --> 00:44:23.520
So as far as how to actually,

629
00:44:23.520 --> 00:44:24.360
to answer your question,

630
00:44:24.360 --> 00:44:26.880
how to actually like have it manifest

631
00:44:26.880 --> 00:44:31.040
is we release our sense of ownership that it has to

632
00:44:31.040 --> 00:44:33.080
and we release ourselves to God and say,

633
00:44:33.080 --> 00:44:36.960
God, this thing, this promise that you've given me,

634
00:44:36.960 --> 00:44:40.160
I understand that you say that is my inheritance

635
00:44:40.160 --> 00:44:41.600
that I have seen in this cult,

636
00:44:41.600 --> 00:44:44.000
that I know that you have a real version of it.

637
00:44:44.000 --> 00:44:45.360
I am waiting for that,

638
00:44:45.640 --> 00:44:49.120
but we have to understand that isn't our provision.

639
00:44:49.120 --> 00:44:52.840
That isn't, we're not in a place of lack required

640
00:44:52.840 --> 00:44:56.800
where who it is that we are needs that

641
00:44:56.800 --> 00:44:58.400
in order to calm down.

642
00:44:58.400 --> 00:45:00.080
We actually get that.

643
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.720
that straight from the Lord. Once we choose that we get it straight from the Lord, the

644
00:45:05.720 --> 00:45:10.680
Lord's like, okay, good, then you don't need this. Now I can give it to you. And then it

645
00:45:10.680 --> 00:45:16.920
can manifest. And then God, and what it is that we're looking to him to provide for us,

646
00:45:16.920 --> 00:45:24.320
he'll then he'll then provide it for us straight from him, through the community, through that

647
00:45:24.320 --> 00:45:30.000
sense of unity through that, whatever. But it's no longer an idol, that we believe that

648
00:45:30.000 --> 00:45:36.440
God has given to us to provide something for us. God is our provision, not the tool through

649
00:45:36.440 --> 00:45:42.440
which he provides. Our money is not our money does not provide for us. God provides for

650
00:45:42.440 --> 00:45:48.480
us. And the tool is sent and the way through which sometimes he provides for us this money.

651
00:45:48.480 --> 00:45:52.840
Sometimes he does it through friends gifts. Sometimes he does it just simply because like

652
00:45:52.840 --> 00:45:58.880
what I told you all the other day, and for food, you never like okay, Lord, I really

653
00:45:58.880 --> 00:46:02.720
need food. So I need you to give me money for food, or I need you to have somebody give

654
00:46:02.720 --> 00:46:08.320
me a gift of food or whatever. And God's like, No, I'm just going to make you not hungry.

655
00:46:08.320 --> 00:46:12.640
That's my provision for you. Your body's not going to need it. I'm going to provide you

656
00:46:12.640 --> 00:46:16.040
with the zinc, I'm going to provide you with whatever straight from the living word, you

657
00:46:16.040 --> 00:46:22.360
don't even need food. So because he desires to get to be our protection, our provision.

658
00:46:22.360 --> 00:46:26.600
And sometimes it's your food. Sometimes it's your money to get the food. Sometimes it's

659
00:46:26.600 --> 00:46:32.120
by not being hungry and by providing for our body directly. But regardless, and the Lord

660
00:46:32.120 --> 00:46:39.640
wants us to make sure that we don't make an idol of the means through which he is being

661
00:46:39.640 --> 00:46:45.800
our provision. Does that make sense? So that's the very thing that is actually hindering

662
00:46:45.800 --> 00:46:53.360
us from that getting from something manifesting into reality is the fact that is if we feel

663
00:46:53.360 --> 00:46:58.880
like well, Lord, where do I look for it? How do I manifest it? How do I whatever there's

664
00:46:58.880 --> 00:47:05.480
it? There's that. Anyway, does that make sense? I'm trying to be thorough on my answer. But

665
00:47:05.480 --> 00:47:15.200
is that making sense? Yeah, totally. Yeah, thank you. Um, yeah. Yeah, all I have a few

666
00:47:15.200 --> 00:47:19.640
more questions, but I might polo you them so that we can move on to someone else who

667
00:47:19.640 --> 00:47:26.320
might have something to ask about. So but I appreciate all your wisdom. Thank you. Sure,

668
00:47:26.320 --> 00:47:30.840
you're welcome. I know that some of them are just like the fun answer to hear. But I promise

669
00:47:30.840 --> 00:47:36.840
you, I promise you that is the answer. And I know from experience, as soon as we release,

670
00:47:36.840 --> 00:47:42.560
we release and then all of a sudden God can move. Our desire for him to move is actually

671
00:47:43.120 --> 00:47:48.000
the very thing that's keeping him from being able to do so. We're that powerful, because

672
00:47:48.000 --> 00:47:52.400
he's given us that power and the authority to partner with him and to come into agreement.

673
00:47:52.400 --> 00:47:57.160
And so when we desire something so much that we're holding him accountable to it, we're

674
00:47:57.160 --> 00:48:01.400
actually not in agreement with him when we're in opposition. If we don't know it, we think

675
00:48:01.400 --> 00:48:05.360
we're holding him accountable to his word. But our desire is showing that we're not so

676
00:48:05.360 --> 00:48:10.680
when we finally release, and we finally just submit to our relationship with him, that

677
00:48:10.680 --> 00:48:15.600
is coming into agreement. And all of a sudden, that is when we start finding and finding

678
00:48:15.600 --> 00:48:23.520
what it is that we desire, which God always intended to fulfill. It's just a very unexpected

679
00:48:23.520 --> 00:48:30.200
way of it coming into our life. And it's interesting, because like, how do you know if you're accusing

680
00:48:30.200 --> 00:48:35.320
God or you're holding him accountable to his word? Like, how do you know? You know what

681
00:48:35.320 --> 00:48:44.440
I mean? Yes, it is a it is a short short answer is it is an attitude of the heart.

682
00:48:44.440 --> 00:48:49.640
If we believe that we're that we're in a place of lack, and that we're unprotected and unprovided

683
00:48:49.640 --> 00:48:56.040
for and Lord, if you don't do this, if you don't do whatever, well, then there's an issue,

684
00:48:56.040 --> 00:49:01.400
then we're holding accusation against God. But if if it's just like, Oh, Lord, you said

685
00:49:01.400 --> 00:49:06.720
you wanted to do that. I'm in full agreement. But if you choose to do it, if you choose

686
00:49:06.720 --> 00:49:12.360
to manifest it, like x, y, and z or not, I still am in agreement. I still and I still

687
00:49:12.360 --> 00:49:18.680
choose you. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego told and told the king, they said, you know,

688
00:49:18.680 --> 00:49:25.440
they said, our God will save us from the fire. And even if he doesn't, we still not bow down

689
00:49:25.440 --> 00:49:31.680
to the statue. That is an agreement with God. That is in total submission, that holding

690
00:49:31.680 --> 00:49:37.880
God accountable to his word, and allowing him to manifest it however he desires. God's

691
00:49:37.880 --> 00:49:44.040
provision and protection is not the manifestation. It's his character. It's the it's the it's

692
00:49:44.040 --> 00:49:49.960
the environment in which we are existing is our protection or provision. And I still I

693
00:49:49.960 --> 00:49:53.400
still need to I still haven't done that live. I need to do that live about protection and

694
00:49:53.400 --> 00:49:59.640
provision being a substance in which we are existing. It's not a thing that we're given.

695
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.400
It's an environment in which we exist, and we've never existed outside of it.

696
00:50:06.400 --> 00:50:12.000
Our problem is we think that we do, and so it manifests in our life as if we're not protected

697
00:50:12.000 --> 00:50:14.360
or provided for it, because we don't believe it.

698
00:50:14.360 --> 00:50:22.000
We're not in agreement with it, but in reality, as sons of God, we are always in an environment

699
00:50:22.000 --> 00:50:23.480
of protection and provision.

700
00:50:23.480 --> 00:50:27.760
It's not something we're given, if that makes sense.

701
00:50:27.760 --> 00:50:33.640
Yeah, all amazing points, so thank you, and yeah, I'll shoot you a polo with a few extended

702
00:50:33.640 --> 00:50:38.640
questions, because this brought up a lot of interesting things, so thank you.

703
00:50:38.640 --> 00:50:39.640
Sure.

704
00:50:39.640 --> 00:50:41.840
Well, we have a few minutes left.

705
00:50:41.840 --> 00:50:44.720
We are welcome to go a little bit longer.

706
00:50:44.720 --> 00:50:48.400
I can go probably about 15 minutes over, if y'all have any questions, and anybody who

707
00:50:48.400 --> 00:50:54.440
needs to jump on, jump off early, and you know, is welcome to.

708
00:50:54.520 --> 00:51:02.280
I'm wondering if I've missed anything in the chat that somebody had a question about, and

709
00:51:02.280 --> 00:51:06.520
it doesn't look like any questions, so I will look forward to reading those when we get

710
00:51:06.520 --> 00:51:07.520
done here.

711
00:51:07.520 --> 00:51:13.480
Did anyone have a question before we jump off?

712
00:51:21.480 --> 00:51:23.480
It's good to see everybody's faces.

713
00:51:23.520 --> 00:51:25.520
Hey, Holly, how you doing?

714
00:51:25.520 --> 00:51:28.520
Hey, good, good.

715
00:51:28.520 --> 00:51:32.520
It's so good to see everybody.

716
00:51:32.520 --> 00:51:38.520
It has been like two months since I've been on, and I have missed y'all very much, and

717
00:51:38.520 --> 00:51:42.520
I was actually listening to your polo, and I was like, wait, what day is today?

718
00:51:42.520 --> 00:51:45.520
And I was like, it's Thursday, and it was just a clock, and I was like, it's 9 o'clock,

719
00:51:45.520 --> 00:51:46.520
oh my gosh!

720
00:51:46.520 --> 00:51:52.520
Like, it was just perfect timing, so I was really glad to be able to jump on.

721
00:51:52.560 --> 00:51:53.560
I'm glad, I'm glad.

722
00:51:53.560 --> 00:51:56.560
But I do have a quick question.

723
00:51:56.560 --> 00:51:59.560
Yay!

724
00:51:59.560 --> 00:52:04.560
My question is, I have a friend who, I don't know if I've mentioned, I think I've mentioned

725
00:52:04.560 --> 00:52:07.560
her to you, Ashley, I don't know if I've mentioned her in the group, but I have a friend that

726
00:52:07.560 --> 00:52:13.560
lost her husband, she's in her mid-30s, and lost her husband on New Year's Day, and has

727
00:52:13.560 --> 00:52:19.560
three little kids, and she's a really good friend from college.

728
00:52:19.600 --> 00:52:22.600
You, Ashley, is Katie Zappazotti?

729
00:52:22.600 --> 00:52:25.600
Yeah, I know her, yeah.

730
00:52:25.600 --> 00:52:31.600
Yeah, Toni just got an award posthumously, which was really special.

731
00:52:36.600 --> 00:52:39.600
Oh, you're muted, Holly.

732
00:52:43.600 --> 00:52:44.600
There you go.

733
00:52:44.600 --> 00:52:46.600
Sorry, I don't know how I did that.

734
00:52:46.640 --> 00:52:55.640
I was wanting to really minister to her about some stuff, I've, of course, prayed for her

735
00:52:55.640 --> 00:53:01.640
a lot and communicate with her a lot, but right now, and I'm just believing that she

736
00:53:01.640 --> 00:53:08.640
will come out of this through a spirit of grief there, versus just her being in grief

737
00:53:08.680 --> 00:53:22.680
and grieving Toni's death, and I am bumping up against a lot of resentment, and I'm not

738
00:53:22.680 --> 00:53:28.680
totally sure what all the words are for it, and I also do not want to be judgmental at

739
00:53:28.680 --> 00:53:34.680
all for where she's at, and what phase of grief she's going through, and that kind of

740
00:53:34.720 --> 00:53:40.720
everything, but she is really having a hard time that everybody else's life is still put

741
00:53:40.720 --> 00:53:47.720
together, and hers is not, and so, for instance, we'll be on the phone, and I'll be like,

742
00:53:47.720 --> 00:53:51.720
okay, girl, I gotta make dinner, and I'll talk to you later, because we talk often,

743
00:53:51.720 --> 00:53:56.720
and she'll be like, yeah, great, have fun making dinner for your whole family, like

744
00:53:56.720 --> 00:54:02.720
me, and my husband is still alive, and I'm like, I get it, I get it, I would probably

745
00:54:02.760 --> 00:54:09.760
feel the same way in many instances, but it's such a spirit of grief, and she's such a close

746
00:54:09.760 --> 00:54:17.760
friend, and I'm just struggling about how to speak to her spirit, and call her spirit

747
00:54:17.760 --> 00:54:22.760
sort of out of that, and have a visit with her, but still be a really safe place for

748
00:54:22.760 --> 00:54:29.760
her to have a terrible day, and a terrible attitude with, because I'm fine with that,

749
00:54:29.800 --> 00:54:37.800
because we're close friends, but if you just have any advice about how to, obviously, I'm

750
00:54:37.800 --> 00:54:42.800
praying and interceding for her as well, but how to speak to her spirit, and call her spirit

751
00:54:42.800 --> 00:54:50.800
so that I really am an encouragement to her when we talk, and it's not just what it is

752
00:54:50.800 --> 00:54:57.800
right now, it doesn't feel like I'm doing any kingdom good for her.

753
00:54:57.800 --> 00:54:59.840
Yeah, yeah.

754
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.840
And there's multiple things that you can do. And let me get off of this and your piece just that

755
00:55:14.200 --> 00:55:16.000
Okay, can you hear me okay

756
00:55:18.200 --> 00:55:27.840
Yeah, can you hear me okay okay good right because this is my air pod was dying and my air pod, because the other one died completely like I'm gonna have to

757
00:55:28.840 --> 00:55:30.840
So I have one air pod

758
00:55:31.040 --> 00:55:34.000
But anyway, I need to just switch really quick for a time. And

759
00:55:35.120 --> 00:55:37.120
So there's different things that you can do

760
00:55:37.280 --> 00:55:44.240
You can there's there's the thing that of you talking directly whenever you're talking directly to her and interacting with her

761
00:55:44.240 --> 00:55:48.520
There's that aspect and then there's also the aspect which I can talk about again

762
00:55:48.880 --> 00:55:54.400
And there's also the aspect of what to do when you're not talking to her directly and you can still talk to her spirit

763
00:55:54.480 --> 00:55:57.680
Even when you're not speaking with her and you can talk to her spirit

764
00:55:57.680 --> 00:56:02.360
I thought you can talk to her body. We can we can do all of that stuff. Um, and

765
00:56:03.240 --> 00:56:07.840
So if you're not with her because you're not with her more often than you are

766
00:56:08.440 --> 00:56:12.800
Talking to her, you know, you can just you can just talk to talk

767
00:56:12.800 --> 00:56:16.160
you know cheers to her spirit and declare declare as

768
00:56:16.760 --> 00:56:21.040
remember who it is that you are because again that the point of all of this is for is

769
00:56:21.400 --> 00:56:26.880
And the power where all of this comes in is when we understand and remember our identity I

770
00:56:27.400 --> 00:56:33.200
Am in Christ. I'm one with Christ. I have and I am Christ, you know, he is me

771
00:56:33.200 --> 00:56:35.560
It says all of this in the Bible and says that we are

772
00:56:35.880 --> 00:56:40.080
You know that we have that power and the authority and then to speak from that position

773
00:56:40.440 --> 00:56:47.800
Speaking to her spirit declaring the things over her spirit that God says about us that God says about Christ that God says

774
00:56:48.080 --> 00:56:49.240
You know

775
00:56:49.240 --> 00:56:55.280
all of those things that he says are true and we can just declare those things anything that kind of comes into your spirit as

776
00:56:55.280 --> 00:56:59.000
a spirit, you know what these things are true about Katie and

777
00:56:59.920 --> 00:57:01.920
and we and and

778
00:57:02.560 --> 00:57:05.840
And etc and just talking about that then you can talk to her soul

779
00:57:06.600 --> 00:57:10.960
Especially but you could talk to her body as well and then just talk about you know

780
00:57:10.960 --> 00:57:15.880
And just and be the king that she's not recognizing

781
00:57:15.880 --> 00:57:20.800
She is for herself because her soul. Hey, Jonathan. Good to see you, bud

782
00:57:23.280 --> 00:57:27.640
That because her because she's the king over her own soul and body and

783
00:57:30.360 --> 00:57:35.520
But she doesn't recognize it right now and so her soul is in terror

784
00:57:35.520 --> 00:57:37.960
It thinks it has to provide for and protect itself

785
00:57:37.960 --> 00:57:43.360
And so you at being one with her spirit if she isn't recognized her her

786
00:57:43.960 --> 00:57:50.880
Recognizing her own kingship you can come in and talk to her soul so that her soul can for lack of a better phrase

787
00:57:51.480 --> 00:57:57.080
I don't want to say wake up, but it will have a king to respond to

788
00:57:57.520 --> 00:58:01.640
Because there's an element now you don't have the exact same authority

789
00:58:01.640 --> 00:58:05.880
So to speak that that gets a little fuzzy, but let's just say for simplicity sake

790
00:58:05.880 --> 00:58:10.160
You don't have the exact same authority as she does as a king over her soul

791
00:58:10.160 --> 00:58:15.400
But you have enough being one the one spirit with her spirit you have enough

792
00:58:15.800 --> 00:58:17.800
you have enough authority as

793
00:58:17.880 --> 00:58:23.480
As a son of God to be able to speak to an aspect of creation and for it to respond to you

794
00:58:23.600 --> 00:58:25.720
Because it just wants to know that it's safe

795
00:58:25.920 --> 00:58:28.800
So you tell it that it's safe and you tell it that it can

796
00:58:29.120 --> 00:58:32.440
You declare truth over it and you be you be

797
00:58:32.800 --> 00:58:40.040
The safe you in your spirit in recognition and acknowledgement of what's going on and who you are in the spirit knew it is and

798
00:58:40.040 --> 00:58:41.760
You are spirit is

799
00:58:41.760 --> 00:58:46.440
You be the safe place that her soul is looking for peace from

800
00:58:47.560 --> 00:58:54.600
So and and then it can then it can begin to start breaking shackles from off of her soul

801
00:58:55.360 --> 00:59:01.680
So that she can be can stop being in such resistance to her own spirit

802
00:59:02.440 --> 00:59:08.040
And and to her to be on her own kingship over her soul. So that's how you can do it

803
00:59:08.960 --> 00:59:13.040
When you are remote meaning like you're not even talking to her over the phone or anything

804
00:59:13.640 --> 00:59:19.400
I I've done that multiple times. I've done that in in in declaring healing over someone

805
00:59:19.800 --> 00:59:25.680
Whether it be physical healing or emotional healing or whatever and I'm telling you what it works

806
00:59:25.680 --> 00:59:30.000
It works when doctors haven't worked. It works when years of

807
00:59:31.000 --> 00:59:35.720
You know, you know, whatever inner healing, you know hasn't worked it really does work

808
00:59:36.280 --> 00:59:40.160
And then as far as like talking to her directly and interacting with her directly

809
00:59:42.240 --> 00:59:43.440
Just

810
00:59:43.440 --> 00:59:45.440
Talking to who it is that she is

811
00:59:45.640 --> 00:59:51.760
Not the broken person that she's that she's expressing the broken person that she thinks that she is

812
00:59:52.400 --> 00:59:54.400
It doesn't mean

813
00:59:54.400 --> 00:59:59.960
Just it doesn't mean devaluing or disregarding or ignoring what it is that she's saying because then

814
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.040
someone doesn't feel heard, and not, what's the word?

815
01:00:04.040 --> 01:00:07.960
Not discrediting, but not, like say for instance,

816
01:00:07.960 --> 01:00:11.080
you said, oh, well, I'm just like this,

817
01:00:11.080 --> 01:00:14.480
and I'm just like that, what I'm not saying

818
01:00:14.480 --> 01:00:16.680
is to say, no, you're not like that,

819
01:00:16.680 --> 01:00:19.240
and you're not like that, and you are like this,

820
01:00:19.240 --> 01:00:22.040
and you are like that, because the problem with that

821
01:00:22.040 --> 01:00:24.040
is in order to say what you're not,

822
01:00:24.040 --> 01:00:26.320
you have to acknowledge it,

823
01:00:26.320 --> 01:00:28.240
because you're saying, no, you're not that,

824
01:00:28.240 --> 01:00:30.460
so it's acknowledging it, and so it's the thing

825
01:00:30.460 --> 01:00:32.720
that I was talking to Alana about earlier,

826
01:00:32.720 --> 01:00:36.240
it's feeding the very enemy that we're trying

827
01:00:36.240 --> 01:00:39.280
to escape from, because he's been seen,

828
01:00:39.280 --> 01:00:44.280
so I'm not saying that it's bad to say those things,

829
01:00:44.520 --> 01:00:46.820
because sometimes, like I was telling Alana,

830
01:00:46.820 --> 01:00:50.360
it is a leverage for our soul, and so it can be helpful,

831
01:00:50.360 --> 01:00:52.760
but there's an element in which it actually makes

832
01:00:52.760 --> 01:00:55.680
it a lot harder to overcome trauma,

833
01:00:55.680 --> 01:00:59.600
so as much as possible, I try, whenever I can,

834
01:00:59.600 --> 01:01:03.360
to talk to someone's spirit, and to just declare over them

835
01:01:03.360 --> 01:01:07.560
who it is that they are, and by that,

836
01:01:07.560 --> 01:01:09.880
I'm trying to think about how to explain it,

837
01:01:09.880 --> 01:01:12.240
I just see them in the spirit, and I see who it is

838
01:01:12.240 --> 01:01:17.240
that they are, and then I just talk to them,

839
01:01:19.240 --> 01:01:21.360
I just talk to them like that, I talk to them

840
01:01:21.360 --> 01:01:24.160
how I'm seeing them, so what I have to do

841
01:01:24.200 --> 01:01:27.200
is I have to put on my own oxygen mask,

842
01:01:27.200 --> 01:01:30.640
I have to see them like that, I have to see who it is

843
01:01:30.640 --> 01:01:33.600
that I am, who God declares me to be,

844
01:01:33.600 --> 01:01:36.080
and know that God declares them to be like that,

845
01:01:36.080 --> 01:01:38.600
and then that's how I see them, and when I see them

846
01:01:38.600 --> 01:01:42.280
like that, it's very effortless to talk to that person,

847
01:01:42.280 --> 01:01:45.520
as opposed to seeing them the way that they say

848
01:01:45.520 --> 01:01:47.480
that they are, and then trying to remember

849
01:01:47.480 --> 01:01:49.160
who it is that God says that they are,

850
01:01:49.160 --> 01:01:51.600
that it's very difficult, and it doesn't work,

851
01:01:51.600 --> 01:01:53.840
I have to put on my own oxygen mask,

852
01:01:54.520 --> 01:01:55.760
I have to do all the quote-unquote work,

853
01:01:55.760 --> 01:01:57.480
I have to put myself in that position,

854
01:01:57.480 --> 01:01:59.240
and then it's very effortless to know what to say

855
01:01:59.240 --> 01:02:02.680
in this situation, it's very effortless to interact

856
01:02:02.680 --> 01:02:05.320
with that person when they're hurting,

857
01:02:05.320 --> 01:02:08.080
and when they're saying things, you naturally know

858
01:02:08.080 --> 01:02:11.680
what to say to comfort them, you naturally know

859
01:02:11.680 --> 01:02:16.680
how to speak life into them, because you're not

860
01:02:17.320 --> 01:02:19.320
trying to pump them up and motivate them,

861
01:02:19.320 --> 01:02:21.680
and oh, you're like this, and you're like that,

862
01:02:21.720 --> 01:02:23.960
and you're not like this, and you're not like that,

863
01:02:23.960 --> 01:02:27.640
it's not, I just, I don't know, I just find myself

864
01:02:27.640 --> 01:02:30.640
like telling someone, oh my, you know,

865
01:02:30.640 --> 01:02:33.280
I so much appreciate the fact that you're like,

866
01:02:33.280 --> 01:02:35.680
that you do such and such, and oh my goodness,

867
01:02:35.680 --> 01:02:40.680
that insight is extraordinary, and I don't even have to,

868
01:02:41.320 --> 01:02:46.320
I'm not trying to give them motivational speeches,

869
01:02:47.080 --> 01:02:51.320
I'm just, I effortlessly know what to say,

870
01:02:52.120 --> 01:02:55.960
I'm seeing them like that, kind of like a man

871
01:02:55.960 --> 01:02:58.360
who's trying to present himself as a woman,

872
01:02:58.360 --> 01:03:01.880
but I know he's a man, so I just talk to him like a man,

873
01:03:01.880 --> 01:03:04.320
I don't even have to think about it, you know,

874
01:03:04.320 --> 01:03:07.280
he can try to think he's a woman, and try to talk to me

875
01:03:07.280 --> 01:03:09.720
like a woman all he wants, but I know he's a man,

876
01:03:09.720 --> 01:03:13.520
and so I just talk to him like that, I don't have to try,

877
01:03:14.360 --> 01:03:17.400
is that helpful, does that make sense?

878
01:03:18.400 --> 01:03:19.240
Mm-hmm, yeah.

879
01:03:23.760 --> 01:03:28.040
Right, well, it was good to see everybody, I guess,

880
01:03:29.120 --> 01:03:33.600
I will let everyone go, I am in Mountain Standard Time,

881
01:03:33.600 --> 01:03:36.040
actually now, so it was seven o'clock for me,

882
01:03:36.040 --> 01:03:39.120
so now it's eight, so I'll be in Central Time tomorrow,

883
01:03:39.120 --> 01:03:43.080
going back to Texas, and I think I'm going

884
01:03:43.080 --> 01:03:46.760
across Southern United States to East Texas.

885
01:03:46.800 --> 01:03:48.800
You're coming back to Texas?

886
01:03:48.800 --> 01:03:51.480
Yeah, yeah, I am, just for a week.

887
01:03:51.480 --> 01:03:52.600
Cool.

888
01:03:52.600 --> 01:03:53.600
Yeah.

889
01:03:53.600 --> 01:03:55.440
Well, we'll have to get together.

890
01:03:55.440 --> 01:03:59.000
Yeah, I'd enjoy that, we could do that.

891
01:03:59.000 --> 01:04:01.200
If you have time, let me know.

892
01:04:01.200 --> 01:04:05.000
That's right, hey, Jonathan, maybe I can come see you.

893
01:04:05.000 --> 01:04:06.320
Yeah, you can.

894
01:04:07.640 --> 01:04:10.720
All about your school, and your horseback riding.

895
01:04:13.520 --> 01:04:15.960
And the place he comes for you.

896
01:04:15.960 --> 01:04:17.920
That's right, and your drums, oh my word,

897
01:04:17.920 --> 01:04:20.040
you're so good on those drums.

898
01:04:20.040 --> 01:04:21.360
I'm not good on the drums.

899
01:04:23.360 --> 01:04:24.480
Awesome.

900
01:04:24.480 --> 01:04:27.000
Well, safe travels, and we'll see you next time,

901
01:04:27.000 --> 01:04:29.640
or later when you're here, we'll see ya.

902
01:04:29.640 --> 01:04:32.720
Sounds good, good to see all of y'all.

903
01:04:32.720 --> 01:04:34.200
You too, bye.

904
01:04:34.200 --> 01:04:35.040
Bye.

905
01:04:36.320 --> 01:04:37.320
Good night, guys.