Thank you.
Hey, Alana.
Long time to talk.
My goodness, I completely forgot that I had not posted a post two hours ago, and that we were meeting I've just been planning, you know, all week oh obviously we're meeting.
I forgot to that I usually have a bit of a routine to make sure everybody remembers.
But anyway, so, hey.
I was about to jump on and awesome I thought, oh my word, forgot to remind everybody the link it's always the same link, but forgot to remind everybody of it so y'all are impressive, y'all know the routine, but unless I stay at say otherwise.
We meet.
Excuse me, so sorry for that.
For the congestion. I have been allergies hit me on.
I think Sunday night, something like that. So, anyway, so been doing my eucalyptus oil.
So I don't know if y'all use this this has helped me amazingly. And I've never been told to use it this way. So, use it your own risk.
I used to have sinus infections, every time I would get anything related to sinus, sinuses, and I mean like it did not matter how many, if I stayed, you know, on target with all of my decongestants, you know, every four hours or whatever I would just get
sinus infections and I and I didn't know why so I started doing the eucalyptus, and, and all I do is I sniff it. That's all I do. I do one large sniff in each nostril again use it your own risk because I've never been told that that's okay.
But I do. And so, you know, because you can put I think that you can you know put this on your skin and stuff but so I just inhale it and all I know is I have not had a sinus infection in three years.
So, I know it works.
You know, should come with the doctor with the disclaimer, you know, don't, don't try this at home or ask your physician.
Or ask arrest Cheryl Flair or Carrie Byler or Cheryl's last name.
I'm forgetting your last name.
It starts with an S. Why can't I remember her last name, I've gone blank. I know her.
I know her well. But anyway, so ask any of them and they'll tell you whether or not it's okay.
So does anyone what time is it a staff.
Let's see. Yeah. Does anyone have a.
Hey, does anyone have a question to start us off with tonight. Next week, I will tell you this next week we're not going to be doing a conference.
Hey, I mean not be doing a conference you're not going to be doing a first night caucus well it'll be first night of the conference but.
I have a really vain sounding question does my picture look like really weird to you guys.
No, you're slightly off center but no there's no.
My zoom, it worked great for Bailey for speech, but on my end, it looks like one of grainy old TVs, and this is what the tablet pointed straight at me and you see my TV behind me.
So I have it.
It's really weird.
No.
I used to have lights on for once, my husband's not home so yeah I noticed my camera because I can't stand to look at that. Oh yeah.
In the daylight or, well, and the light. Yeah, you look great.
Um, let's see. So, um, I haven't watched it yet, but there is, I saw it today on YouTube. It tells you how to make yourself show up right on zoom that I don't know. I didn't watch it. So I don't know how to do it, but it says how to make your picture look real nice when you're on zoom. So I'm going to go back and watch that.
Oh, good. Yeah. Yeah. Um, Diane is leading a mentor, a coach mentoring group. And so she and I were talking about that, um, earlier. And, uh, so yeah, so she's going to be on zoom and she'll need to know about how to do that.
I've watched some of those things. Hey, I've watched some of those things and yeah, it's helpful. So like I have this light in, um, in front of me. I mean, even though it's not like the best lighting, trust me with my, with all of my makeup,
like slowly coming off throughout the day with all of the, the watery eyes.
Hey, sweetheart.
And, uh, this lighting is really good for me tonight.
Let's, let's keep it this way.
So I noticed that right before I got on the call, I was like, Oh my goodness, my makeup is like slowly come off. I'll say that.
I have a question if we want to.
I was about to ask. Yeah, I figured, I figured.
I don't have to go first though if someone else wants to, I just thought I'd hop in with something. Go for it. If someone else has something they can, they can ask it later. So you hopped on first.
Um, I just know I usually ask questions on these calls. I don't want to take up all the space. They're very, they're very useful. Everyone gets a lot of use out of them.
That's good. That's good. Um, so at church on Sunday and in my like small group village.
We're talking about the fruits of the spirit and the fruit of the spirit this week was gentleness.
And I don't know if you've experienced this of me but I'm very like cut to the chase, you know, pointed out cut and dry shoot straight from the hip that's kind of who I am.
Not that it has to be who I continue to be, but it's just kind of who I am.
And I don't know I was like praying about it I'm like Lord is this something you want to change in me like am I to point. Am I should I be a little more of a wave than a point, is it.
Do I come across as not gentle or not really giving off his spirit, because I present myself in a way that's like I just like cutting to the chase and kind of like going deep into something pretty quickly like I don't really.
I can do niceties and all that but it's just not my preference I'd more like, hey, how's it going, how's it really going what's going on in your life like let's just go deep right away right and the people I surround myself with are great they love
that and they get it. And I guess I'm looking at like, am I gentle enough, is there something I should be changing about myself so that I'm more gentle and more shining God's light because I don't really know that I am.
I don't know what the experience other people have of me and I wouldn't want to be in a position where I'm so cut and dry that people are not seeing God at all through me you know what I mean.
Is this making sense.
Mm hmm. Yeah.
And for one thing gentleness is very different than what your, you know what you're describing your concern is that oh well I'm doing this but I'm not doing this so am I not being gentle it's gentleness is very different and for another.
And you, I, in my interactions with you and I would imagine, unless you have like really close connections with different people in this group like for instance you know maybe Susan and some others that you're connected with before you joined.
I might be the one that you've connected with the most often, and I can tell you that having seen you, you know, in times where you're really struggling and you're really wondering, and times where you are you know feeling much more energized much more hopeful much more happy.
You're, you're, you're fine in all of them, you're, you're the, there's not anything that's rough or, or, or to direct or or anything like that, the invite by to direct I'm talking about like emotionally to direct for for someone else.
Now the other thing is you're talking about the fact that all of the people that you surround yourself with are are okay with it. Well, that's because those are the people that are attracted to you.
And then there are people that maybe you know I don't know but maybe if you've ever felt rejected.
by people before you're like, well, I want to be their friend.
Why don't they want to be friends with me?
Maybe they, they couldn't handle that.
They don't want that.
And just because either it's their personality or they have an insecurity.
Um, like, because you're asking, you were making yourself vulnerable and you're
asking if someone wants to be vulnerable with you as well, and if they don't have
the security where they want to do that, well, then they're, then they're going
to try to find friendship elsewhere.
It doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you.
It just means that the way you want to live life and how it is that you express
your, that, um, how your spirit is expressed into the earth, uh, just
doesn't jive or resonate with, with perhaps, um, the way that their spirit
is interacting in the, in the earth or how they understand it to be, or what
their, what their current woundings are, you know, so, um, so I just
wanted to encourage you in that.
Um, I, I, my interactions with you, um, uh, that I would imagine that you're
always very, uh, very, you know, kind, very thoughtful towards others, meaning
like you always have been whenever I've talked to you and whenever you talked
about other people in your interactions with them, I've gotten the impression
that you're always like that.
And so, uh, so just want to encourage you in that.
And then a gentleness is like a gentleness of spirit.
It's a fruit of the spirit, meaning that's who it is that you actually
are, not something that you do.
So if you're wanting, if we're wanting certain aspects of the fruits of the
spirit to express themselves more strongly, all we're, all we need to do
is we already are everything we've ever wanted to be, but our soul, you know,
in our spirit, but our soul needs to learn it.
And the only reason that our soul isn't expressing that right now, if, if it's
not in particular areas is the level to which we're resisting God, where we have
some accusation against him, something about him that we don't believe, um, or
whatever.
And the more that we come in, the more that we release our resistance, the more
that we come into agreement with it, with the fact that he is, we says that he is
to the degree that he says that he is that in all of these different aspects of
our lives to the absolute nth degree.
And all of those that will allow who it is that we are in spirit, including all
the fruits of the spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, you know, kindness,
gentleness, all that to actually come through.
Um, so the, so it's, so as far as, you know, what, how it is that you already,
how it is that you come across, that's my two cents worth for my interactions
with you over the past several months.
And then as far as like, okay, well, if I'm wanting to express more gentleness
or more of anything, how do I do that?
You already are it.
And the, the, so the answer to it is the same as the, our answers to all of our
other questions is releasing more, releasing more and more of our resistance
and coming into more and more agreement with the fact that God is who he says
that he is, the more that we do that.
Without even trying to address stillness without even trying to address
patience, without trying to specifically address anything, just believing that
he is who he says that he is will naturally start acting like we believe it.
And so outcomes, this love that in the situation where normally we would be
triggered or, you know, out would come patients or gentleness, where normally
we would have reacted very different.
And then when we find that, when we find where we responded, maybe with more
gentleness, more love or whatever, we'll, we'll realize, well, wait a minute.
Apparently when I used to interact in this situation in a different way,
and I used to be triggered, I must have been, I must have, I must've been
reacting that way out of a wounding.
So many people that are very direct.
I'm not saying this about you.
I'm just throwing it out there so that people can just have it to chew on some
people, and this might be true of you in certain aspects of your life.
Like maybe with your husband, like someone you feel very, very comfortable
with, there might be a side of you that's so direct that I just haven't seen or
haven't seen much of or something.
And so I'll just mention this, that sometimes if we are really, really,
really extreme in a particular area, that it's good in balance, but we're extreme
in it, whenever we're go to an extreme one end or the opposite end, it's because
of a wounding and we're using it as a coping mechanism, it's not who it is that
we are, it's something that we have, that it's a habit that we've developed of
interacting with our world in a particular way from such a young age or for so long
that we think it's who it is that we are.
Sometimes we can even develop ideas of who it is we think that we are when we're
going through a healing process.
And I.
Can't believe I'm, I thought of this, but I thought of this just now.
And so I'm going to mention it that when we're going through a major healing
process, um, okay, this is a perfect example.
I've actually watched this in somebody else's life.
They were, and they were trying to learn to speak up for themselves because they
were allowing themselves to be a doormat their whole life.
So they're trying to learn to speak for themselves and speak up.
And what they ended up doing is going from this extreme to this one.
They got entirely to the direct isn't the right word, but I'm just going to use that
word to, to direct, to, to, um, forceful in what they refer to as their boundaries
of respecting themselves, that it would actually, they bypassed, they bypassed
their, what it is that they should have been aiming for, and they went
too far the other direction.
So sometimes in our healing process, we'll actually bypass the healthy, the
healthy boundary and the healthy and the healthy balance, and we'll swing to the
other end, and then we begin to learn, okay, that's, I've now swung too far to
the other end, and then the Lord will kind of bring us back to balance.
So some, so if ever we find ourselves in really major extremes, it's an evidence
of some wounding that we have and how we're learning to respond to it.
We've been responding to it like this for so long.
Now I've learned that that's not healthy.
So I now respond to the same wounding over here, but the, but in, from this
direction, the problem with that is that the wound isn't being healed in either
instance, and so it, we, when we finally heal, we naturally come back to a balance.
We naturally find the balance.
Uh, but in the process of healing, sometimes we, uh, we're, we're not,
we're not healed yet, and we just learn to interact with the wound and cope with
the wound from the opposite spectrum.
So that was just something that I'm throwing in there because I thought of it
as I, as I began to talk about how we would, how we would change, um, especially
if there's something that we're worried about, about ourselves, like, well, am I
too much one thing as opposed to another?
It, sometimes, you know, as we, as we, um, submit ourselves more and more to the
Lord and we find ourselves changing, we'll think, well, wait a minute.
I thought that I was always that thing.
And then when we realized, oh, that thing I thought was me was actually
wound or it was actually a coping mechanism.
And then there are other things that we find out.
No, that really is me.
And there's nothing wrong with it.
And I keep being tempted to question myself that something's wrong with me,
no matter what it is that I am, it's always wrong, you know, and then we
have to find out and heal and realize, no, I'm just fine.
There's I'm, I'm at a balance.
There's, I'm not extreme and I'm just being made to question myself.
So anyway, that's a whole bunch of thoughts.
No, that's good.
I think, I think it's just, I mean, your experience of me is pretty much the
experience you've seen me kind of like all facets pretty much.
And so I just find that I remember seeing that really strong direct
side of you only one time and you've been through a lot of really serious
things I've only seen it one time.
And how, what was your experience when you saw it that one time?
Was it like, oh my gosh, like this is harsh or was it anything like that?
Well, understand it was, but it's because you were hurting really, really bad.
And there was, there was everybody in this group has talked
to me from a place of fear.
I've heard fear in every single person in, in, in this group.
And so I'm very familiar with it and that's perfectly fine.
I provide, I try to provide a safe place for people to be afraid because I want
people to provide me a safe place and I'm afraid there's nothing wrong with it.
And so what I was hearing was I was hearing fear.
So therefore I can't take that kind of thing and think, oh my goodness.
You know, I can't believe I know what's going on.
I know that you're, that you're somewhere and you're trying to figure out, okay.
I'm not where I, where I should be.
I'm not, I shouldn't feel like this, but what else is there?
It's this like a backed into a corner feeling.
And so, so the fastest way to help someone in a situation like that is to
make them feel safe where they are, not to demand that they change before they
can interact with you or they can, um, or, uh, to, to change before you'll
provide safety, providing them safety where they are makes them feel okay.
They really are serious.
So now that I'm safe to be where it is that I am, I'm safe to be in my fear.
I'm safe to be in my pain.
Now I want to change.
I thought I now feel safe enough to step into the unknown because the reason I
stayed where I am is because I thought I don't feel safe and this is the
most security I can find.
So if I can get security here, I now am willing to risk because this is actually
a very painful place to stay.
I'm now willing to risk the fact that I might feel safe.
If I stepped into the unknown, people aren't going to trust the unknown
unless I make them feel safe.
where they are. So that was my experience. It was, it's just
very normal.
No, it's good. And I guess when you were talking, like, what
came up for me was, how am I creating a safe space for
people? Like, am I creating a safe space when I'm like, you
know, direct about something when I call it as I see it. And
when it's something that it's like a righteous, maybe not a
righteous anger, but kind of pointing it out in a not a
self-righteous, like, mean way, but kind of a notice and notice
that this is happening. I feel like it comes up a lot in the
students I teach, you know, the grade five students, if they,
you know, like today, a student was upset because somebody else
went in line in front of her when the other person was
supposed to be in line in front of her. But I asked her to go
and get another student from another class. And the girl was
like, she tends to be like that a lot. Well, she went in front.
Right. And I'm like, you know, you're, you're very concerned
about what she's doing. You know, you're, what about what
you're doing right now? Like, are you concerned about, you
know, and so I pointed out in a way that I don't want to be
harsh, but I'm also kind of like, I'm the teacher, and I'm
trying to teach you things. And I want to do it in a way that's
gentle. Yeah. And I, I know, I could probably use a softer
tone, but I'm not really a sing songy kind of kindergarten
teacher tone. That's just not me. And so I don't use it with
my daughter. I don't use it with like, it's just not my tone. So
yeah, and then I wonder, am I to create a safe space for people
for my child for kids I teach? Am I supposed to be a little
more sing songy? It's not gonna help people receive it better
and feel safer. I don't know.
Yeah, this is really, really good question. And then I see
your hand, Diane, I'll get right to you. And I wanted to let you
know, I could see it. And the, okay, it's a really good
question. Because, you know, so often people ask this question,
like, and that, actually, how do we talk to someone in the
spirit? Or actually, how do we provide a safe place? So great
example. So in something like that, providing a safe place for
someone is understanding, okay, if they're acting a particular
way, if they're talking in a particular way, the issue isn't
what's happening, the issue is what is is what they think it's
saying about them. And, and so they're feeling scared. The
issue isn't about the fact that someone cut in front of them in
line, the fact is, they feel that they're not important. And
they're making this deal, this thing here has been happening at
home, it's been happening in school, all of these things are
happening, and they're building up this idea in their mind of
wait a minute, if things don't happen, if things happen a
particular way, it means I'm not important. And so they're
fighting for significance or whatever. So in other words, if
some if something's being blown out of proportion, it always
means that someone is is afraid that someone's insecure that
someone is is in incorrectly interpret it putting a meaning
on a situation about themselves. So, so what I do in situations
like that is in is I believe that kids and you see this even
with like, really little kids. I mean, have you have we watched
really little kids just share and help each other. And you
know, when they run a race when they're like four, or three or
four, and they all run a race, they don't a lot of kids don't
even have a concept of competition and beating each
other. If they find that someone else has fallen down, or or
whatever, then they'll run back. Or if they figure out they just
I will, my friends running back there, and they don't run as
fast as me, and I want to run with my friend. And so they
backup to run with their friend. I mean, they're not thinking so
in other words, these it's, it's innate in us, we're created of
the essence of God. It's it's innate within us to, to give
each other grace and to not allow those things to bother us.
So the fact that we're acting counter to our nature counter to
the way that God created us and thinking, wait a minute, so and
so shouldn't have gone in front of me. And yes, there's an
aspect of God's character that's coming into play and the fact
that they're believing in order. So something like that I do, I
handle one of two ways usually, with children and with a or even
with adults, I do this as well. And the I address it sometimes
it from a perspective of figuring out, okay, they're
afraid right now they're or they don't feel significant. So I
need to let them know in how I'm talking to them. Maybe not even
what I say, like, I don't need to say that, oh, you're
important. And whatever. I don't I don't usually direct it like
that. But also something else that helps them understand and
receive as a
feeling that they're important. And so, because right now they're getting this feeling of
unimportance and insignificant. So I'll give them a different feeling of importance. So I'm,
I'm filling up the thing that prompted the fear that the issue isn't the thing that happened.
They could care less about the thing that happened. It's what they think that that
thing means and they're feeling something. So I changed the feeling. I changed the,
by trying to change the belief. I can't change their feelings, but I can try to
get them, give them an opportunity to choose to believe differently, which will change their
feeling. And then, so I do that and sorry, there was one other thing I was going to say that I do
when I'm talking to them about that. I make him, I changed their, their feeling of shoot,
that other one was really important. Man, what was it? Give me, give me just a second.
Surely it'll come back.
Oh darn, man, that escapes me. If I think of it, I will let you know. But anyway,
basically I don't talk about, I always address the actual, the, the person themselves and the
fact that that's the, that's the issue and change the feeling and change their, their beliefs.
Because it's not about the behavior, what it is that they've chosen or not chosen, because what
they can, what people can receive in what we're saying is the truth. And we're trying to correct
their truth about what it is that they believe is like, Oh no, no, no. You know, instead of,
instead of seeing her is standing in front of you, you know, are, are you thinking about yourself?
What we're trying to say is we're trying to say, no, no, no, you are better than you think that
you are. But what that's doing is it's talking to the broken person and trying to push them up.
Then they're always going to need someone on the outside to push them up. So what I do is I make
them feel safe. In other words, I talk to who it is that they are up here and then they can,
and then they can choose to respond and choose to rise. And so instead, if I talk to this person,
if I talk about like trying to correct how they're thinking, like, well, you've been thinking this way,
but maybe you should think this way because we're in such a broken and wounded state,
especially in that moment, but at any moment that we're such a wounded state,
we receive it as self-condemnation. So we actually end up receiving the very opposite
message that we're trying to convey to someone we're trying to convey it. Look, you know,
this is no big deal. You're, you're, you're, you're more than this. You're more important,
but what they hear is, you know you know, I'm trying to get justice here. And instead I'm being
told, well, wait a minute. I shouldn't be allowing the person to, I mean, I shouldn't be thinking
how it is that I'm feeling is wrong. What it is I'm thinking it's wrong. Now I'm not saying that
you're not accurate in what you're telling them. I'm saying they can't, they're seeing through the
wrong filter. So anything that you say like that, it will go through that filter and that's how it
will be received. So I've learned that in talking to people because I was speaking so directly and
so much truth that they were hearing me wrong. So I'm like, oh, but that's not what I'm saying.
Why are they twisting my words? And so I had to learn to talk and, and not say what it is that I
thought would help them because not speak what I thought was the truth because they couldn't hear
it anyway. So I had to, I had to make them feel safe where it is that they were, and then they
would naturally change. Sorry. I think that that felt a little convoluted in how I explained that.
And I really wish I could think of that other thing that, that I, it just escapes me.
It is. And I think the one thing hanging, and I know there are other questions, but just like maybe
for later is like, how do you speak to them in a way that will allow them to rise? Because I think
my go-to in my mind right now, which probably isn't correct is I'd be like, how does that make
you feel? And she'd probably be like, you know, sad. And I'd be like, oh, sweetie, you know, or,
or whatever she says, like, I'd probably go into like my questioning mode, which I know is probably
not correct. So. I thought of the other one. Okay. Okay. Good. It was when you explained it,
I was like, oh, I know how to answer that. And then I was like, oh, that's the other thing I
was going to say is, is as weird as it sounds. Think of the good in what it is that they're
trying to do and affirm it that, you know, you know, so-and-so I don't know her name. I'll just
call her Lisa, you know, Lisa one of the things that I've noticed about you, you know, that I
really enjoyed and I'm just making something up, you know, you would know her better than me,
but you know, you think about who it is that she actually is and what it is that you've watched
in her life. Is this something that I could see telling her is, you know, Lisa is something that
I've, that I really appreciate. And I want you to make sure that you value about your I don't know
that I would say that value about yourself, but one of the things that I enjoy about you and that
it's really, really good is the fact that you, that justice and order are very.
important to you, that you like things to you like, you like to
make sure that right is always being done and that people are
always being treated fairly. And, and that is a really,
really good thing. And I try not to make too big of a deal about
it in the moment is in like, making this grandiose speech.
I'm not trying to make a grandiose speech. I'm trying to
talk. I see them as Christ sees them. I'm seeing this Christ
sees them and I talked to that person and I like pour out in
my spirit, not my words and not like saying a lot. But in my
spirit, while I'm talking to them, I truly have to believe
what it is that I'm saying. So I have to put on my own oxygen
mask. First, I have to believe it. And then speak out of what
it is that I believe in like, this is such a good thing that
you believe in order and in an injustice and that that it's
easy for you to recognize those are really good qualities. And
most people, you know, can't see the things that you see. So I
appreciate you pointing that out to me, due to this, you know,
for today or for this situation, you know, you know, let's do
this other thing, or you could then go into the making her
feel safe. But those are the other thing. That's the other
thing that I do. I not only try to address them emotionally,
meaning like, yeah, change their belief, not on logic, but
you know, hitting their emotions in the end, fill the void of
what it is they're believing about themselves. And in the end,
I try to affirm what it is that they've done that try to affirm
the good that they're acting in, but that they've done it in the
wrong way. They they've done it. They've done it in an
inappropriate time not having grace for someone else. But
still the fact that they get that right, righteousness,
justice and order are important. Those are all godly traits. And
so I call those out and I affirm them in that even though it
sounds very backwards, it sounds like wait a minute, aren't we
affirming what it is that they're just doing? And you end
up not doing that, because you're not allowing it to
continue. You know, it's like, No, you know, that's not how how
we're gonna handle the situation. You know, we're gonna
handle a different way. I don't know your how you'd say it. But
you don't say well, you are absolutely right. She shouldn't
have done that to you. And you're not affirming her
feeling and her attitude. You're affirming the godly trait that
it's coming out of. So does that make sense? So how to do this is
not something that we logically learn, so to speak, we have to
learn to see our world differently. We have to put on
that own oxygen mask first. And when we start seeing the world
like that, we start seeing good in people, you know, and good in
ourselves. And, you know, the godly traits as opposed to
always being self condemning of ourselves and condemning of
other people by their actions. We have to see things
differently. When we see it differently, it's easy for those
things to come to mind, because I'm not making them up. I really
do believe it. I'm looking at someone, I'm seeing them as
Christ sees them, and I'm affirming the beautiful,
wonderful things that I see as opposed to constantly correcting
their behavior or their thoughts or their feelings. I'm not
correcting them. I'm affirming the good, affirming the good and
then directing what wasn't. Directing the bad, directing the
acting out, directing the screaming, redirecting the
whatever, what was going on.
You're kind of like looking for the thing, the deeper thing, and
that's what makes them feel safe. And then after they feel
safe, then you can kind of correct the behavior. Is that
the idea?
Um, I would say that the whole making them feel safe is
affirming who it is that they are. You know, that they are
important, that they are safe, they are secure in that moment,
that you value them, that I don't know, whatever the
situation might be. It usually comes down to value, security,
love, that you love them, that they are loved, you know,
whatever. And then the whole, excuse me, addressing the good
in what it is that they have just exercised in a wrong way.
But, but yeah, and then you can't then after that, after
that, you can, you know, direct the behavior because it is
important that kids behavior is corrected, especially if it's
getting towards violence, or, or in or, or lack of safety for
them, you know, safety
for themselves and someone else,
then that behavior just has to be dealt with ASAP.
You don't explain something to a child
who's just run out in the middle of the street
about how they should be obeying you
and that they're good and that they're loved,
get them out of the street.
So there are certain things,
but I'm just saying that if you have some time,
and sometimes it can just take all of like 15 seconds
to go through the other two things that I mentioned
and then correct the behavior,
but by then you've laid this ground for them
to feel safe to correct their behavior
because they now realize that you've addressed the fact
that they, not their behavior is what's important to you.
But if you address the behavior first,
they think it's just what I do.
And anything after that is like, she didn't mean it.
Yeah, so basically something like in a nutshell,
because I think I'm in a soul realm at the moment
because I'm looking at it as like a formula,
so I can like get ahold of it,
but it's kind of like,
you know what I've noticed about you
is that you are such a believer in justice.
And I think that's so wonderful about you.
Like those are the first two things
is like affirming the deeper thing, the Christ-like thing.
And then, you're wonderful.
And I love seeing that in you.
And what's a better way for you to approach it
than she stood in line in front of me,
or something, right?
Like, I don't know.
I think I'm like,
I know it's supposed to come out of the Holy Spirit,
but I think in those situations at the moment where I'm at
is like, you almost need a bit of a formula to use
so that when my daughter is in that moment,
I can be like, sweetie, I totally recognize that you are,
you know, you're such a believer in having fun,
but you're wrestling too hard and it's hurting mommy,
you know, or the kids at school.
And so it's like,
yeah, I think I'm just in that formula phase.
Yeah, well, you know, it's something that you can just,
that you just kind of,
so don't worry if you can't,
I was talking to someone else about this today.
Don't worry if you can't fully understand.
Okay, so how does this look?
Just allow it.
Remember that there's aspects of yourself
that your spirit already knows all of this, you know?
So there's aspects of yourself that, you know,
we're taking this in and are processing it
without you having to logically be able
to figure it out right now.
Like, well, how would I have done that different?
I mean, it's one of those things I had to learn
and the way that I learned it wasn't figuring it out.
It was changing what it is that I believed
about who God was and how he saw me.
And once I truly believed it, not thought it,
not had all the right words,
but actually truly believed it,
then, you know,
then I began to see everybody else like that too.
But I had to see it in me first
before I could see it in others.
And then, so as that shifts and as that changes,
you'll just naturally talk out of that place.
You'll just naturally know what to say.
And what you would say in that situation
is gonna be different than what I would say
in that situation because it's coming out of our spirits
and we're all unique and whatever.
So it's not a formula.
So in other words,
don't worry that you can't understand it.
There's an aspect in which you already know all of this.
You already understand it.
It's, but it hasn't, it might take a while to percolate
and then to come to your knowledge,
but you'll find yourself acting like it
and saying something.
And then you'll walk away and think,
oh my word, so that's how it works.
And it just came out.
Yeah.
It just came out.
Beautiful.
Okay, thank you very much.
I know I took up quite a bit of time.
I apologize.
It was good.
And Diane, are you still on?
Do you have a question
or did I already answer it somewhere?
Well, I figured it out myself.
So I, that's why I took my hand down.
You know, go ahead and take care of Steph.
Okay.
I just wanted to make sure, are you sure?
Yep.
Thank you.
Okay.
You're welcome.
Yes, Steph.
Hey Audra.
Hey Carrie.
Yeah, go for it Steph.
I was just saying, I always like to get a hug.
You turned off.
No, actually this was just for Alana.
That's actually what I was thinking about
when you were worried about being too direct
or anything like that.
Long story short, last year,
oh my goodness, it's been over a year now.
We switched churches from the church that I grew up in
to the church that my sister attends,
which is more local for us,
but there are a lot of factors.
to it. And we had been used to people, Christians, it just kind
of minded their business, you would say that's how you're
doing. And you get the pat on the head. Well, glad all is
well. They didn't want to get their hands dirty, in some ways.
So the first night we went to I don't know if you've heard of
the Iwana program. It stands for approved workmen are not
ashamed. It's the youth program. Well, the first night we went,
Emma was very backward, very clingy. And her teacher was a
very direct person. She came up, she says, No, it's time for
class. And she picked her up off of me and walked away. And I
went, no one's ever done that to me. No one's ever done that with
my kids. And just going to find out that Shelly. So when our
older daughter was having a lot of health problems lately, I got
a text message that said, Okay, what do you need? And how can I
help you? And I mean, literally one of those roll their sleeves
up and jump in kind of people. And there's a lot of people
that's why Dan's not home right now. His friends of ours are
moving and they have a hundred and some year old piano with
cast iron. I mean, it's huge. So Dan and how many other guys from
church are moving this piano from one county to the next. He
showed up at seven something. I haven't seen him since 430 this
morning. But they're just the kind of people that when they
say how are you doing? I would come in. They had they would
serve the kids dinner every Wednesday night before they did
class the low income county. So they made sure all the kids
were fed. And I slipped in the kitchen after all the girls in
the class leftovers, because I had gotten them already and I
hadn't eaten. And the one guy said, you're an adult and he
just starts slapping all this extra food. But they're the kind
of people that they're Are you okay? Fine. No, you're not. How
can I help? So there's definitely a way that God can
use the kind of Christians that just literally just roll your
sleeves up and just get involved. Because never having
had that before. And then going into that, I'm going, Oh, wow,
it's okay to not be okay. And I mean, that was never an option
before. Dan worked pipeline for seven or eight years. He went on
the road when Bailey was a baby. So I lived as a single mom with
three kids. And he was still pipelining when we had Emma. So
I was single mom with four kids for a while. And I'd show up
just barely squeaking in time for Sunday school. And instead
of once in a while, there was a couple ladies and I won't
disregard that, though. Hey, let me help you with baby. Let me
help with this. For most part, it's like, too bad Dan's not
home. It's like, yeah, too bad. He's not. And that's all I can
think. And I mean, even being a Christian dealing with other
Christians. So we definitely need the people that are How are
you? Are you really okay? There's definitely a way that
God can and does and will use that. So just don't ever think
that you're too much because I mean, God really, really uses
that.
I really appreciate that. Thank you for sharing that. Because I
do sometimes that way. So just to know that God can use that
part of me that's like direct and like, yeah, I will do that.
How are you doing? They'll be like, fine. I'm like, No, no,
you're not. Do you want to tell me what's really going on? And
that's just how I am. So that's good to know that that is okay.
Because I'm
and I don't have any, any bitterness or any hard feelings.
It was just one of those as far as the people I grew, I mean, I
literally grew up in this church. So we moved to this, the
one we're at now. And it's like, Oh, my goodness, I've never been
treated like this. I've I went to that church for 20 some years.
And that's like, I've never been treated like this before. So
that's why when Matt caught us on the porch, Sunday's like, Hey,
feel like moving a piano fans like, yeah, sure. Okay. So it's
just random stuff like that, that people are willing to just
jump right in. I mean, that's actually being the body, taking
care of each other. So definitely needed.
Awesome. Thank you.
Thanks for bringing that up, Steph. Welcome. That's perfect.
Diane, did you have a think of something?
I think I gave myself the wrong answer.
Man, you're good. I mean, this is what happens when you have
coaches in your group. They they answer their own questions.
I'll let you know, I turn back quite some pretty self. And it
seems like it's more personable if you're actually talking to
somebody. So
you're always lovely.
Well, my question was that, since I'm new to this format,
and the question and answer program with everyone, I wasn't
quite sure I thought now when someone asks a question, like
Ilana did,
Is it Ashley just answers it and we all listen,
and then what's the next question?
Or do we, you know, interact with one another
as to what comes up in our hearts to share or something?
And I kind of came to the conclusion,
nah, you better keep your mouth shut, Diane.
You're not supposed to have an opinion here.
You're supposed to just ask your question,
get your answer and, you know,
glean from listening to everything else.
And so I, which is okay, you know,
if that's the way it is, then that's the way it is,
you know, and I decided that's the way it was.
And then when Steph started sharing
and Alana said, thank you, I thought,
well, I guess maybe I can say something.
So I guess my question is, how does this work?
And as far as what I wanted to say
was the thought that came to me,
and I mean, I don't know you from Adam,
but as you were asking your question,
my thought was you're humble enough.
You're asking for correction.
You want truth and you want to, you know,
go forward in love.
So my thought is with that kind of humility and heart,
you'll know if you're wrong, you know,
because God's not going to keep it a secret.
You're asking him, you know, do I need some help here?
He's not going to condemn you.
He's going to show you and he'll show you how, you know,
and he'll conviction and transformation
from his grace would come.
I mean, that was the thought that came to me, you know,
that I think we need to be willing to self-examine
and go, gee, ask that question like you did.
But then when, if you don't hear God showing you
and telling you and you don't get a conviction
in your heart, I would say, you know, you're all right.
And there's different folks,
different strokes for different folks.
You know, some people really need you
to be right to the point with them.
And they don't even hear anything
if it takes you a long time to be real sweet, you know,
because they want the answer.
They want the correction.
So, I mean, there's people that need that.
And then there's people that don't,
but there's so many people and we're all different
and God made us all different that he brings us,
I think, you know, to the right person at the right time.
And I think you're doing great.
You know, I don't know you that well,
but my impression was I wouldn't worry about that at all.
Well, thank you.
That means a lot because you're right.
Like, I just want the Holy Spirit to work through me
in the best way possible.
And I don't want to be doing anything that is
like blocking that or eliminating it in any way, you know?
Yeah.
I appreciate that.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
And everyone, Diane, you know, just so that y'all know,
she has just moved to Houston a month ago
and has been without power and water
during the snow apocalypse.
So anyway, but she's joined a really sweet church
that I've really looked out for and took care of her.
And interestingly, I happen to know the pastor of the church.
So I was messaging her and I said,
hey, by the way, a friend of mine just moved down
to Houston specifically to go to your church.
Her name is Diane.
And she's like, oh yeah, I know Diane.
So that was really sweet and really fun.
It's a small world.
But anyway, so the Lord's just really been taking care
of her.
And so she's in a new place, in a new city
and survived one of the hardest things it's been through.
So she's a seasoned veteran of the church
and of that city.
So that'll bring a community together like nothing will.
Does anyone have, hey Carrie, does anyone have any other,
what time is it?
Any other questions?
Oh yeah, we've got a few minutes.
Any other questions before we jump off?
Hey, if no one else has anything, I might have a question.
Go for it, you're next in line.
This may be very multifaceted.
So I'm sorry if we don't have time,
like it's totally fine if you don't have time
to go into it all.
But okay, so how do I even begin?
So basically I was reading the other day
and this has been leading up for many weeks,
but where Jesus said that he didn't come to the church
that he didn't come to abolish the law,
but to build off the law.
And how his intentions wasn't to put away with the law,
but to build off of it or whatever.
And I am just really struggling with,
like, what does that even mean?
Because what, like, I feel like I was living the law.
for so long and now like the life and the spirit I almost feel like it can't reconcile like how in
the world do those two actually work and and there was a situation too with the one of our parents
like you know we we aren't conservative anymore and that's like a huge deal you know and so
every now and then we have these weird conversations where they're like oh you know like
they can't they uh they feel you know like they are basically like lowering their standards by
being in relationship with us and yada yada yada which i'm like how is that even a thing
but i can like how do you i'm trying to see their point and like is there even validity to what
they're saying i have no idea and so basically i'm just very confused does that make sense at all
yes very good question roman 7 there's no scripture okay so in roman 7 i don't remember
which verse it well starting in verse 1 but going through what is it i think maybe it's
particularly verse 12 that i'm thinking of invert in chapter 7 but i recommend reading all of it
um it talks about the fact that the law is holy so the law is not bad um so their tree of knowledge
the tree of the knowledge of good and evil is not a bad tree uh that the problem is if we believe
that it is if we operate out of it believing it's our source that's the problem but god as it
mentions as paul mentions in roman 7 does not create bad things and and he created the that
the law is created by the lord and it is holy so um that's why jesus didn't come to abolish it
it had been it had been in existence before or you know the knowledge of good and evil itself
had been in existence um when adam and eve were perfect before they sent so their problem
was actually choosing to use it as as their source uh when there were all when god wanted him to them
to rely on operating out of his character as their source but it's the same reason why when
we talk about you know um 30 60 and 100 fold there's nothing wrong with using tools the tools
are all laws remember uh the the 60 fold um knowledge of spiritual laws and then the 30 fold
knowledge of earthly laws and they're all they're all laws and there's nothing wrong with them god
actually created them which is why they exist but um they don't uh they're good things they're
meant for us to be able to use but understanding because god ate you know even jesus ate even after
he um rose from the dead and um had his spiritual body he ate there's nothing wrong and even before
he died jesus never sinned and yet he used tools he ate he slept in other words it looks like he
was subject to and limited by his environment and same thing with like using actual whether
we're talking physical tools as a carpenter or the fact that he did follow jewish law
um all of those things it says that in all of those things he didn't he didn't sin the problem
is that that the law what happens where it's bad is and it mentions this in romans 7 that the law
when we come in contact with it meaning like we try to we try to use it as our as our source by
which we can please god do the quote-unquote right thing or whatever is by following the law
as opposed to acting out of god's character because that's the essence of our own dna
then it what it does it says in romans 7 is that it it creates death in us so our something in us
when it got our flesh when it comes in contact with the law dies it there's something within
us that dies the law itself and again it i mean you know we know romans um is is noted as paul's
book that he walks through as if it was um uh as if it was like as he was as if he was a lawyer
because he was a trained lawyer um so to speak and the fact that he was with his training and
therefore he he worked he walked things out so very thoroughly so he really belabors the point
in romans 7 comes at it from multiple angles and he says does this mean that the law is sin if it
creates sin within me and if it creates death within me is the law itself sin and he says
absolutely not but when we come in contact with it meaning that we're trying to operate
out of it thinking it's a source not not um not following it
but thinking we have to follow it in order and use and following it in order to get somewhere.
He said that creates death within us, but it's something within us that the law finds
that creates death. It's not the law itself. So that's why Jesus didn't come to abolish the law
because the law is a holy thing. It was a good thing. His father created it and it was meant for
us to continue to use, not to be subject to, but to use. Use tools, all that good stuff.
But it says that he didn't come to abolish the law, but to, I don't remember what the phrase
was. Was it, he didn't say pay the law. Does anyone remember? Can anyone look at us and remind
me? I can't think of why I can't think of that, the rest of that phrase. I didn't come to abolish
the law, but to fulfill it. There we go. Came to fulfill it. And so because the law required,
in fact, it says that we didn't, that sin wasn't even in existence until the law was.
In other words, there was no sin within me until the law came into, until it came in,
I came into proximity with the law and then it revealed sin within me. And that's what,
what creates death. Again, Romans seven goes through, through this and it talks about that.
Said that I didn't know that there was an issue until I was, I was compared with the law and then
I found the issue. It also mentions elsewhere in Romans seven that, sorry, not Romans seven,
elsewhere in Romans that, that, oh, what is it? That people's conscience doesn't,
or they're not subbed. Oh, what is that? Oh man. I can't remember the exact phrasing,
but something along the lines of that man's conscience condemns him and he's not aware of it
until he's exposed to the law. So if he doesn't know it, it's not, he's not condemned by it,
but when he knows it, he's condemned. And, and then he goes on to talk about the fact that even
if he's never heard it, it's easy for him to see in nature and he should know. And all people,
it says, Paul says, you know, are exposed to the law through nature because you can see,
he says that you can see it there. So anyway, it says you can, I don't remember how it phrases all
that. Wow. I can't believe I used to know all that stuff, like, and could repeat it verbatim.
I guess it's been a while since I repeated it verbatim that I don't remember. But anyway, so
he came to, Jesus came to fulfill it. He didn't come to, which is the opposite of what he did
with death. Remember that what he did with death was he conquered death and he removed it's sting,
but the law he fulfilled. There's nothing wrong with the law. It's not sin, it's holy.
So, so there are answers that questions, does that help you answer the question about your
parents or how would you like to, based on that? I mean, I feel like this is kind of like one of
those things, like it's just a subject that I'm exploring and I don't think there's any, like,
you know, I'm okay with it taking time. And I know like the whole parents thing is kind of whatever,
like, I don't, it doesn't bother me because we have a good relationship. It's just every now
and then they have these weird things and I'm like, okay, like that was really weird. And we
have a great relationship and we're, I mean, we talked about it and they accept us and love us.
It's just like, it always brings up a question like, oh, you know, am I actually defying the
Lord by not wearing skirts and wearing a head covering and like, you know, cutting my hair
short and all these things, you know? And I mean, it's just a personal journey, I think too, that I
want, but yeah, it gives me a starting point to kind of, you know. Yeah. If they're living by the
law, meaning like they have particular standards by which they're living is what I'm referring to,
regardless of what they define the law to be. If people are living by certain standards that
will call the law in their own lives, then it means that they condemn themselves by the very
thing that they think will bring God, will cause God to bring, will make God more pleased with them.
So they're trying, people try to, we all try to use the law to make God pleased with us, but that
means that if we don't do it just right, we're actually condemned by it. So we put ourselves in
our very bad position by being condemned by the very thing that we try to grab a hold of to save
us. So it's this, so when they're being, when they're seeing y'all, what they're seeing is
they're seeing that y'all are crossing this threshold past this standard that they have defined
and so it can look like to them.
looks like y'all are, y'all are condemned. I don't mean that y'all are going to hell that they,
that they think in their mind that y'all are going to hell. I just mean that they just think,
Hey, look, that you're not doing the right thing. Um, you need to repent you're in sin or whatever.
That's what happens with the law is that either you or someone else is always under condemnation
based on how they relate to the law. And God says in Christ, there is therefore no,
no condemnation. Even if someone, you know, is tatted up and smokes, you know,
I was going to say smokes, heroin, smokes, marijuana, shoots up heroin, whatever,
you know, even if they kill someone, God says that there is therefore no, no condemnation.
It doesn't mean that we don't do that. We, that our flesh doesn't sin. Our spirits don't
our seed of our identity does not. That's why we're able to say that the new man does not sin,
but our flesh, you know, the aspect of ourselves that we're trying to get into
alignment with who it is that we truly are that thing that we're trying to overcome,
that even Jesus had to overcome himself. You know, that thing can sin. Jesus may always
made the choice that his flesh never actually sinned as he was bringing it into alignment.
Ours, you know, unfortunately it does because we have made those choices. But anyway, so that's
the thing about with the struggle with it. You know, the parents is that's, that's the
condemnation of the law is either you or someone else that you're looking at is always under
condemnation in, in your own mind. And it's an, it's your own imprisonment. And so it's something
that someone who lives in freedom doesn't have to feel threatened by, which, you know, I was just
explaining it from their side. You can also think of it. It's not exactly, it is kind of sort of,
it's the similar to the you remember Paul talks about the weaker brother, for instance,
says that the weaker brother might, you know, can't eat meat offered to idols, but the, but
the brother who understands that in, in Christ, everything is permissible, but not everything's
edifying. He believes that he can eat meat offered to idols, but Paul talks about if you're in the
presence of a weaker brother, someone who would, who believes that there's condemnation, if you
don't do particular things and it causes them to stumble and it causes it, it would cause them to
violate their own conscience by being exposed to, or tempt them to not follow their own conscience.
He said, that's an issue because they're caught by their own conscience. He says we're condemned.
And so anyway, if our conscience understands that we're free, then we don't have the content
that we don't have that condemnation. But if our conscience doesn't believe that it's enslaved,
then we are enslaved because, because whatever it is that we declared, that is how our world
is framed up. Whatever it is that we've chosen to believe is the standard, whatever standard we hold
ourselves to is the standard God holds us to. Because he's like, Hey, I'm giving you permission
to hold yourself to this standard because this is the standard I hold you to. And we're like, no, God,
I believe you hold me to this standard. This is who I declare you to be. So that is how God shows
up in their lives. He shows up in their lives according to who it is that they declare him to be.
But he always, always pulling us into, Hey, wouldn't you like to understand that I am greater love and
greater freedom and that you can step into greater love and greater freedom. No Lord. I don't. Okay.
Then this is where I'm going to meet you. I'm going to meet you according to your own law,
whatever you do, whatever your own law believes it's how I'm going to interact with you. If you
do or do, do or don't do certain things, that is how I'm going to interact with you. That's why they
get their, their beliefs affirmed. They're like, Oh, it proves itself in life. It absolutely does
because God's going to manifest according to who it is that they've declared to be,
but he gives us permission to believe he's more. But anyway, so that's very helpful. Yes. But yeah,
that answers my question. Okay. Good. You're in your car. Did you have to escape? Yes. I was
actually out with Cheryl tonight, Cheryl flair, and we were doing some work and now I'm just
returning and I'm in my parking lot, but I need to go in soon. You cut your hair so long. Yeah.
I was, I tell people that I was either involuntarily going to go bald from postpartum
hair loss or I was going to get a cut. So yes, it was a huge, a very drastic change for me.
Majorly. My hair has never been this short in my whole entire life ever. So
very cute. I was wondering where this whole short thing.
short hair thing came up came from, I was like, well, my goodness of her hair sort how long it's in her family's. Oh, my word.
Now you've got it.
No, it's
Short
Well, good. All right. So, and so is that helpful.
Yes, very helpful. Thank you.
You're welcome.
Okay, everyone. Well, if no one has anything pressing that we need to answer, we can, we can all go. I'm trying to see if I missed anything.
Nope, I don't think so. All right. Well, it's good to see y'all just making sure everybody's okay right there's nothing pressing that we needed to answer before we go.
Good. Okay. And for those of you coming to the conference. I'll see you on Thursday for this. If you're not coming. We won't have the
Excuse me, we will not have the
The weekly call, but this is a really big announcement. I am trying to get live stream. I think I'm going to be able to do it. So, but so far I don't have it 100%
So we can
That's what I'm trying
I think we can, but the person that I need to help me with the camera and has said that he thinks that he can do it, but he needs more details for me so he can work out child care. So we're going to see
Because see, this is yours. They've got two major cameras. They're very, very expensive nice cameras that two different angles in the in the in the
In the, not the sanctuary, but in the in the conference room and it looks like a sanctuary and then and then there's the screen and then there's the soundboard and there's all that stuff that needs to be coordinated
And so there's there's the guy who might be available. So he and I are trying to talk and see if we can get that done. So I didn't want to say anything until it was for sure, but it's close enough now that I can let y'all know that I think so. But, you know,
You know, I'm not promising.
We'll just pray.
That's right. That's right.
There I would be there, except this whole border thing.
I know.
Next time, next time.
Yeah, so hopefully this I'm expecting this to work out. But remember, I didn't declare that it was going to be so, but
Well, maybe you should
This is true.
It will be so it will be
Right. Yeah, I believe it will. I believe I just told her. Okay, God, I, you know, whatever you want to do. So I think it will. So anyway, okay. Well, I will see y'all and in two weeks from now. Some of you are going to see next week in person, maybe the rest of you will be on the live stream and I'll talk to you later.
Thank you. Bye.