Hey, everybody.
All right, so to get started, I wanted to, instead of starting out with a question, particularly,
I wanted to give someone the opportunity to give us, to let us know about, you know, where
it is that they are right now on their journey, how things are going, and just, I don't know,
just give somebody an opportunity to share and maybe that'll kind of like start some
discussion or whatever.
So I kind of want to do something a little different tonight, at least than starting
out.
Does anyone have something that they want to share about, you know, where it is that
they are?
You don't have to have any answers, but just kind of wanted to hear, you know, just, I
don't know, just kind of where everybody is on the journey.
Does anybody feel like sharing and being heard, getting to vocalize it?
No one has to.
I will.
Go ahead, Chris.
Yeah.
I didn't put in the journey sharing because I didn't exactly know what to say, but looking
back on last week, I can see where I wasn't in rest, you know, a sign I was complaining.
Oh, fascinating.
That's not something that I've let people know to watch for.
I mean, like as a sign of when they're not in rest.
That's amazing.
You saw it yourself.
It was at work, different work situations that we have new management, upper high management,
and they're really juggling things around and it's affecting the team that I work for.
So you know, I've been at one point in our meeting, we were all kind of complaining.
And then this week they were, you know, going with the flow and I was complaining.
And then I realized, no, I'm not in rest.
I need to, like you talked to me at our last transformation session, just ride the waves
and go with the Lord.
And just before this meeting, I listened to session five.
And I'm still kind of, wow, it's a lot, isn't it?
It's a lot.
It's a very, very, very packed in session.
Yeah.
I should probably split it out.
Yeah.
No, no, that was just really good.
But do you think because I think I've known some of these things, do you think that, you
know, like our spirit has known these things, and then when we hear them, we just kind of
go, wow, and, you know, like, you're talking about our maturity, that it's, it's really
based on how much we believe the word and what God has said about himself and about
us.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
So I'm thinking that, you know, when we hear truth, like that hits our spirit, our spirit
has already known it.
Correct.
Yeah.
And so then it, it really starts making sense.
We have these aha moments.
And yeah, it's yeah, not anything major, but just yeah, complaining has got to go out the
window.
Negative speaking has got to go out the window.
That's funny.
Well, you know, sometimes that happens as we subconsciously try to balance an environment.
So if everybody else is complaining, well, then unless we have a tendency to just like
to complain, we have a tendency to some, at least a lot of people do this.
They try to balance this, balance the emotional environment by doing the opposite.
So basically kind of like, they feel it's unbalanced and they're always trying to provide
for the need that they're seeing as weird as that might sound.
And, um, and so there, you know, if you're, you're trying to be up while everybody else
is complaining, then when everybody else is going with the flow, it kind of just like
all of a sudden, all of your issues with it start coming up to the surface.
And then you start talking about it.
And sometimes it's under the guise of like, of trying to create balance by bringing realism
into, into, um, uh, into this situation.
In other words, okay, well, everybody, y'all do understand it's like this bad, right?
I mean, and maybe that wasn't your particular situation, but I know that sometimes when
people complain, or at least when I complain, I've noticed that it's usually when everybody
else is up as weird as that sounds.
And my, my, my roommate in college is the one who alerted me to it because she said
that she does that.
She has a tendency to try to balance out the emotionally, the situation.
And all of a sudden I thought, oh my word.
That explains so much about myself.
So anyway, that could be just like, you know what that was,
or it could have just been where it is that, you know,
that you would have been like that and felt like that
and all those situations would have,
all of those feelings could have come to your notice
based off of maybe like other things
that you were going through.
But I just kind of wanted to mention that sometimes
that can be a prompting for us
is what emotionally is going on
in the environment that we're in.
But like I said, you know, kudos to you to figure it out
that complaining is a manifestation
of the fact that we're in unrest.
But, and yes, you're absolutely right
that what it is that we already know all of these things.
And the way that I describe it sometimes
is I don't teach somebody something,
like people aren't here to learn something,
they're here to unlearn things.
In other words, to remove all of the things
that had shrouded what it is that we actually already know,
because it's in our DNA,
it's what God already created us from the bottom up
with knowing and being exposed to.
And it's just the truth itself is in our very DNA.
And so anyway, we just haven't had access to it
because we've been hiding it
or protecting ourselves or whatever.
And so that's why when we hear it, it sounds familiar.
It sounds like, wait a minute,
there's something in my spirit
that feels like I've always believed that,
and that I've always known it.
Even if your mind hasn't, or your soul hasn't,
that your spirit has, because we're all from the same father.
So, and it's very different than,
oh, well, that sounds logical, or that's really cool,
or that's very motivational or inspirational.
It's totally different.
It's what you described.
It's just this feeling deep down inside of yourself
that somehow connected to who you are and your existence.
And that kind of rises within you and comes to life.
And you're like, I feel like I've always known this,
but I've never known I've known it.
And so now that I hear it articulated for my soul
or for my mind to understand, my spirit is coming alive.
And I'm like, oh my word.
It's like light is shined on something
as opposed to I gained something.
So people aren't here to gain something.
We're actually here to just, to, for, to be prompted
for things that within us to just be prompted
to come to the surface.
So that's wonderful.
I'm very excited for you.
And it's, and one of the exciting things about it
is it teaches, it kind of encourages people
to own this more and more,
because they realize by feeling that way
that they already own it,
that this isn't something that Ashley talks about.
And isn't this an interesting concept?
And do I want to live life this way?
You know, I have like my pick of the litter.
It's like, it's no, you feel like, no,
this is actually already who it is that I am.
And I get to own it.
There's an aspect of it feels like it kind of can give you
a bit more of a, not just, not just permission,
but faith that that is my message from my father to me.
And there's just, there's just something about it.
It gives it, that encourages us and strengthens our faith
to have faith in the Lord more,
to uncover more truth, et cetera.
It's when we realize it doesn't belong to someone else.
It belongs to us already.
And we're just trying,
we're just going through this process of discovering
what is already true, what we already know, et cetera.
So I'm so excited for you.
That's great.
And just for everybody to know in the future,
something like that is great to talk about, you know,
in your journey sharing, just something like that,
just, hey, this is something that I've discovered
along the way is, you know, it doesn't have to be about,
oh, well, I was in unrest.
And so this is how I shifted out of it,
or I found, or the Lord did this, you know,
or I don't know, I shifted out of it.
And then the Lord presented himself like this,
and it was amazing, et cetera.
Because we want to hear not just about the struggles,
we also want to hear about all the victories,
because the victories are what encourage
and help everybody else the most.
Struggles help everybody help the person articulate
to themselves what's going on,
only for the purpose of helping them progress
and move out of it.
And then they're also helpful for everybody else
to realize, oh, okay, so I'm not alone.
I'm not the only one who feels this way
or struggles with that.
And then the victories are more encouraging than anything.
Again, because they focus on the,
they focus on where it is that we're that,
where it is that we want to go,
and whatever we focus on, we feed.
So we always want to focus on this more than on this,
because if we focus on this,
it makes this feel more.
painful, more awful, more terrible, et cetera. And then part of these victories is what it is
and when we're taking this journey, like what Chris was talking about that we discover along
the way, it's like, oh my word, there's this, God gave me this amazing revelation, um, about,
and, and, um, and he, he met me in this way. He touched me in this way. I feel that I'm much more
connected to the Lord at a root, you know, cellular level than I even realized. And so,
and it gives you encouragement, et cetera. So that's perfect. So thanks, Chris. I appreciate
that. Uh, does anyone have anything else? Um, now you can either share something about what's been
going on, um, for you this week or, um, or it could be that you have a question. So does anyone,
does anyone have anything that they wanted to jump in with?
It's a little bit of a share, but probably more of a question.
I like Chris have not been able to get on my, in doing a journey share. Um, and part of it is like,
I'm like, how do I even articulate? Cause I feel like there's a lot of things happening and like,
but I feel I was trying to focus in before our call on like, what is the big question?
And I think where I keep getting stuck is around the idea, the concept of choosing me.
Oh, you've been talking about choosing you in the context of, you know, relationships, boundaries.
And I'm just, I'm just discovering about myself that like that opened up a whole new world to
me, but also made me very aware of, you know, habits that I formed over the years when it came
to how I relate to people and feeling such a sense of responsibility that even if someone
is volatile towards me, I feel this responsibility to hold things together because well, like I have
to be Jesus to them. Yeah. To diffuse the situation. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm trying to figure
out like, or we just would love some clarity or some insight on like, what does that look like
when we feel like there has to be some boundaries that are formed? Okay. So I would say a big
boundary is like withdrawing myself from a relationship or not being as available or
not being as accessible in a relationship. Um, that's like, I'm just real, that's like really
hard for me. And I think it's because I keep getting stuck on this concept of, well, if I
withdraw myself, then there's like no hope for healing or restoration or my actions can be taken
the wrong way. And then, you know, I don't feel like I'm acting Christ-like there's just a lot
of layers that I'm, I'm peeling that, you know, it's like I pull off one layer and kind of get
past it like, Oh no, but we can do, we can still choose me. And then I'm like, no, what about this?
Yeah. Yeah. That's a good question. Okay. So for, as far as choose me, um, the I that's just a
phrase that I've been using as one of the many ways that we could phrase it because I keep trying
new phrases to see what, what, what clicks with people, like what actually helps them understand
what it is that I'm saying? Because sometimes if we talk to theoretical people are like, yeah,
but I, yeah, but what honor does that mean, et cetera. So maybe I just need to try a, um, explain
it in a bit of a different way. So when I'm talking about choosing me, I'm not talking about choosing
us to, as opposed to someone else. So for instance, if you're in the middle of a conversation or a
situation between you and another person, and in your wonder in these, these, this person, you feel
emotionally obligated to this person based on either how they're acting or how you've typically
acted in the, in the, in the historically and say, for instance, that they just, let's just say that
they're obligating you to something, whether or not they're doing it, or you just feeling it,
there's an obligation created by one or both parties. So, you know, some, our tendency is to
think, okay, I need to sacrifice myself for the other person. So what does the other person mean
need? And therefore I should just, um, I should not, I should just sacrifice myself for what it
is that I want. And then we're, we call that choosing them. But so when I say, well, we need
to choose us, I'm not exactly talking about it in the same way that we keep thinking of as when we're
in a situation like that, we're used to choosing them. Okay. But now I'm supposed to choose me.
Well, how does that work in that dynamic? I'm actually not really referring to it in the way
that we're typically using it in a, in a two person. And like, I'm just, I'm using as an example,
a two person interaction when I'm saying choosing myself, I mean, kind of like owning myself to
myself, basically kind of getting a sense of self as opposed to allowing myself to be a.
absorbed into the situation or, you know, or being completely dismissed.
In order to try to handle a situation.
That's what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about, don't allow yourself to get disappeared or absorbed into, I
don't know their emotions or the situation or your decision or whatever is almost
like kind of like gather yourself and choose yourself as basically being
significant and valuable to the degree that God says that you are, then once you
do that and you realize, okay, who am I?
It's like gaining, choosing your significance and your value.
That's really what I mean.
I'm not talking about choosing yourself as opposed to choosing someone else as if
your needs are more important than their needs and like, oh, well, only one of you
can be chosen in this situation to choose you.
What I'm trying to say is that you're actually choosing that you have the
significance and the value that God has put on you and you, and you give yourself
that weight, that weight of significance.
Then once you do that, which in a manner of speaking is completely.
Um, uh, completely, what's the word?
Separated from or, and irrelevant to the situation you're in.
So it can seem like, yeah, but that's not helping me.
Um, in the minute, in the moment, it can feel like, yeah, but that's not
helping me make my decision right now.
But what I'm saying is that's important to get to the point where you have enough
clarity and, and being able to see it through the eyes of God to now be in
the situation and make the decision.
You can't really, you, you can't make a very clear and, uh, and righteous
decision before having a sense of your own self, like worth to the Lord first.
So you have to get that first because basically the, the thing is, is you have
to, you have to give yourself enough weight and significance that you're
actually present in the situation, basically present, um, in, um, uh, you
know, in like where you've got two people there, because if you don't consider
yourself as having enough weight and significance, then you're not present.
And you know, you'll be absorbed and there's no bound.
You'll be absorbed into the emotional issue, into the obligation.
You won't, you won't give yourself enough, um, uh, not credit, but, uh,
won't give yourself enough, uh, I don't know, I'm just, uh, weight to the
discussion, you'll completely disregard yourself and then you won't be able to
make an appropriate decision.
If one of the two parties is being completely ignored.
That's what I'm trying to say.
If we have a tendency to think, okay, well, in order to not be selfish, we
go into default mode of ignoring us.
And that isn't, um, that isn't the way that Christ says that we should not be
selfish.
We actually have to be present in order to not to self, so to speak, meaning
like, you know, if, if you're like, uh, uh, you know, if you're trying to like
help someone else and see them as Christ interact with them as Christ, et cetera,
you, it's kind of the same thing of like, we have to mature our will in order to
be able to submit it to the Lord is the same kind of a thing we have to be
present in the situation.
Um, so that's what I mean when I say choose ourself, then after we choose
ourself, now we can, that we can, so to speak, have, have, um, have another part
of the, have one of the parties have enough weight where now you can handle
the environment.
You, now you can make the decision.
Now you can know where the boundaries are and whether or not you should submit to
the obligation and whatever, but you can't do that if you haven't claimed
yourself.
And so you start ignoring yourself.
Um, in order to quote unquote, not be selfish.
Well, that's like us saying, well, I'm not going to want is the same principle
as saying I'm not going to want, because that means submitting my will.
And it's like, no, you can't submit a will you don't have.
So in order to make a righteous decision between you and another person and, and
making the appropriate God honoring boundaries, not just for you, but for
them, um, like, should you do something that you don't really feel like doing
just because somebody else needs it?
Well, I don't know.
You can't, but you can't make that decision if you're not present in the
conversation, if you're, if you're not being considered, if you don't have that
value in that way.
So that's what I'm talking about.
The choosing, the choosing is before we even get to this, to that type of a
situation, it's not choosing you over somebody else.
So I'm sure that I very thoroughly approached that, but did that make sense?
Yeah, it gave me a lot to, to think on, but it was helpful to have that clarity
too, of like what, what you meant.
Cause I think maybe that's part of what I was getting stuck to is even just how
I interpreted it at first.
So, yeah.
Yeah.
I knew that it was kind of an interesting way to phrase it, but I've always, I've
found that when I phrase things in sometimes very unexpected ways.
Finally, it helps people get it.
So I tried that one.
I was like, maybe if like choosing yourself,
maybe that would make sense.
But it may not make sense
because it may sound like that's selfish.
And I'm like, well, I don't mean it in that way.
This is like before you ever get to a situation
in which you're discussing, you know,
should it be what I want
or what the other person wants, et cetera.
But it felt like, no, I could be wrong.
It felt like there was more to your question than just that.
Was there something,
and I'm trying to remember what came to mind
when you were talking,
was there anything or did that really?
I think that was helpful.
I think I just,
I found that I tend to disregard myself
in the name of, you know, Jesus, honestly.
Yeah.
You would have said it.
And I, you know,
I realized that maybe I was attributing
something to his character
that he actually wasn't requiring of me
in certain situations.
And so when you said, you know,
when you were talking your last couple of weeks
about choosing you,
I thought it was helpful
in that it kind of broke my mindset
out of this Christianese mold
of kind of what we think about in relationships,
which is a lot of self-denial.
And, you know, we call it humility,
but I think our interpretation is a lot of false humility
when it comes to these types of situations.
So I'm having to unlearn a lot of things
that have just kind of been a natural response
or reflex for me in relationships.
And so it was helpful
that it was the way that you phrased it.
I think it had me thinking
in terms I haven't thought of before.
Yeah.
And yeah.
And then, oh, and I remember when you were talking
something else that came to mind.
It was about like how to determine boundaries.
And one of the interesting thing about boundaries
is we can make them without the other person
knowing we are making them.
So without telling the other person, no,
and without just like making it about us and them,
it can sometimes be where I'm trying to think,
how to get an example to give.
Like I've had people that just like, I don't know,
like say for instance,
people that wanted to be really close friends with me
or that wanted a lot of stuff from me or something.
I've actually had a lot of issues with that
when I was younger, a lot younger.
And just, and it was because I was nice to them
and most people weren't nice to them.
And so, oh my word.
And I, in fact, I talked to my cousin about it
because he and I went to the same college
and I'm like, oh my word,
why is so-and-so just kind of like cling to me?
And he said, Ashley, because have you noticed
you're the only person that's nice to them?
I'm like, well, I'm not supposed to be mean.
What else am I supposed to do?
Well, since then I've figured out how to create boundaries
without being no, and without being, I don't know.
I just find my, I find that I can make myself very pleasant
and just unavailable as opposed to them realizing
what it is that I'm doing.
Of like, no, I don't want to.
You know, them inviting me to something.
You know, I understand that that's really nice,
but no, I don't want to.
There's other ways of like not having to go
without saying no, you know, et cetera.
So that's one example of how I've handled
certain situations that didn't pertain
to like going to dinner or something
that was an exact event.
But I just kind of found that it was,
I just kind of began to practice making boundaries
without having to let them know I was making boundaries.
So I don't know.
Anyway, that's not really, doesn't really give you much,
but it was just something that I thought of
that I don't know, maybe helpful for other people
is that you can make boundaries
without it creating relationship issues
where they feel rejected.
Because you're doing it for you, not in rejection of them.
And so you just, that's how you make the decisions.
And that's how you enforce the boundaries
is by doing something positive for yourself
as opposed to doing something negative to someone else.
And that also helped me be healthier in making boundaries
is that I'm always choosing the positive
instead of an acting on a positive
instead of acting on a negative.
That also helps my relationships with those other people.
And I always tried to like honor
and build up the other people
when I was creating this boundary
that they didn't know I was creating.
So anyway, for whatever that's worth, but that was.
That's good. Thank you.
Sure.
Does anyone have anything else?
I have a question that's maybe related to what Lindsey was just asking,
maybe an option of that,
which is, you just talked about how choosing to yourself,
as in when you're setting the boundary,
you're more making it less about a person,
or denying them or rejecting them in any way,
and more about what you're choosing for yourself.
But what happens when you have a super hard time choosing yourself in the sense
that how do we handle rightly and rest,
and from the Lord's perspective,
the fact that we're going to disappoint people and that feeling of guilt,
and people-pleasing or whatever when you're
trying to come into a place where you're choosing your own value,
and not just the codependency or the people-pleasing of making sure that
everyone around you is happily taken care of and not all you've known.
Yeah. I'm glad that you're bringing it up
because it was something else that came to mind while I was
talking with Lindsey that I just didn't mention
because I'll just answer what needs to be answered and then move on.
But one of the things is that,
remember that we're not responsible for the outcome,
meaning we're not responsible for other people.
The reason why we're people-pleasing is
because we believe we're responsible for their response.
We believe that either we're responsible to God or there's
another interesting aspect in the fact that we don't believe that we're not getting
our sense of connection because we have a deeply rooted need for connection.
If we're not getting that from God because we don't find him safe,
then we're going to try to find that connection with other people.
That's another reason why we have a tendency to people-please,
is we're trying to avoid a loss of emotional connection.
We're trying to avoid physical or emotional abandonment.
That just highlights for us,
okay, so either I believe that God is holding me
accountable and is going to consider me bad and not being like Jesus or whatever else,
unless they respond in this particular way, which is not true.
All that we're responsible to the Lord for is to be like him.
Just to be like him,
he doesn't hold us accountable for getting particular results.
Those results will come from his spirit when we're just acting like him.
We focus on the acting like him,
we focus on meaning like,
we focus on looking at him and being like him,
not acting like him as in fake it till you make it.
We're learning from our father,
we're being fathered into how to look like him,
and how to operate according to his character,
and he says he's love,
and he says to love others.
We know how the world tells us to love others,
and what results we should expect.
But God loves others in a very interesting,
unique way, and he can get sometimes the opposite result.
He loved Jesus and look what happened to him.
I know I keep going back to that example as a picture.
If that's love and God wants us to be like him,
then apparently the world can't teach us really how to love.
Anyway, we're just focused on that.
Then that means that God is responsible for the outcome,
is in other people will have
a free will decision about how they choose to respond to us.
God, so say for instance,
one of the things that we could be concerned about is,
okay, well, I'm not responsible for their response.
If they get mad and it makes them upset,
okay, well, God doesn't hold me responsible for that,
as long as he just holds me
responsible for looking and acting like him.
But then there's another aspect of like,
yeah, but God, I don't want to have to bear
the consequences of potential emotional or
physical abandonment because of their response.
Now we're thinking like, oh my goodness,
so not only could they be mad and yeah,
I deal with that whole thing about God not holding me
accountable for that and not considering me guilty or whatever.
But now there's that other aspect of God,
I don't want to have to deal with
the consequences of physical or emotional abandon.
In other words, the consequences in my life about how I could be
affected by their choice.
That again is obviously where we have to choose, all right,
well, Lord, where am I going to get my sense of connection from, etc.
We have to understand that, okay,
if God says he's protector and provider,
then he's protector and provider.
If he wants to take care of
the outcomes of that, then he has to be a protector and provider.
come. Part of the outcome is there is how their response affects us. God takes care of that too.
So we're putting ourselves in a position that calls that where what's, what's the word? It's
not calling him to, um, to show up, but basically putting, putting ourselves in a situation in
obedience that basically prompts the Lord, according to the principles that he said are
in his character to show up. In other words, okay, I'm in a position where I need to be
protected and provided for, and you told me to not provide for and protect myself.
So if you're responsible for the outcome and part of the outcome is their emotional and physical
abandonment, God, if you're responsible for the outcome, it means that you're going to take part,
take care of that as well. You're going to show up as provider and protector and good and love
and everything else that is that you say that you are. So when he says that he's responsible
for the outcome, it doesn't just mean that like our business or anything else that he's going to
cause something to be successful, or he's going to cause something to actually meet a particular end.
It also means that he's going to show up in our lives as he says that he is provider protector,
good, righteous, love, whatever. That's also part of the taking care of the outcome,
being responsible for the outcome is he's responsible for the consequences.
And I've told him this multiple times when I've been in situations that have been very trying,
where literally I was, it wasn't even like, oh my goodness, Lord, if I do this,
then I'm going to bear consequences. No, it had already happened. And I'm now bearing
the consequences. And I told him, I was like, okay, Lord, I obeyed you and did that.
I told my boss that I, you know, did such and such in situation because I asked you when you
told me to now I'm now I am experiencing the consequences. So Lord, if I obeyed you,
then these are your consequences to deal with. Meaning like he holds himself responsible for
the consequences. And he doesn't want me to take on the consequences is some, um,
some validation for con for self-condemnation. And he also doesn't want me to try to fix it
or self-protect or self, whatever he's like, you obeyed me. And therefore it is now up to me to
protect you and provide for you in the aftermath of you obeying me. So that's also part of the
outcome that he's that he holds himself responsible for is the aftermath of how it affects us. So if
that's helpful. So did that answer? Yes. Yes. That was really good. Thank you so much. You're
welcome. Does anyone have anything else? Something that, um, uh, Casey mentioned in her and I was
waiting to see if she'd pop on before I said this, cause I wanted to, um, uh, cause I want
to talk about it while, while she was on here, but I haven't gotten to finish her journey share yet,
but, uh, uh, cause I just found it right before we got on, but I watched, like, I was only able
to watch like a minute and a half, but I was very, um, it's very touched and very encouraged by what
it is that she's been experiencing of the Lord since choosing that he, it since choosing to
release everything to him. She said, I just choked. She said the, she said, as I've done that,
she said, God has lined everything up. And I was like, exactly. That's exactly what happens.
It's wild. Um, and especially, and this happens all the time, but especially in the beginning
where it's like he, because he wants to encourage us. So we start, we start stepping out in it
and then he just, and then boom, we start seeing him like, we've like, we've never seen him operate
before. Like, Oh my word, everything's so smooth. Everything's so clear. Everything's whatever. And
he's like, exactly. I want to prove my faithfulness. You've stepped out and I want to
encourage you. And then there was time goes on. It's not that he doesn't still do it, but it's
that other stuff starts coming up where everything doesn't seem as smooth. And he's like, but do you
remember who I am, who I am is defined by what I say, not by what happens. So still choose that I
am who I say in, in, in, and don't be thrown off by things that don't seem so smooth all of the
time anymore. But, um, but that's only because he's wanting us to, um, and I don't mean in any
way that he's like causes his pain or whatever. I just mean that he, um, that life just starts
coming up and he wants us to know that even as the road isn't so smooth anymore, he's like, yes,
but remember you're still not threatened that it's easier to believe.
that you're not threatened when everything's smooth than when everything's not smooth. So
it can be smooth or not smooth. And my, and the journey that I have you on is to realize
and to understand and to choose that no matter the experience that you are physically going through,
you are not threatened and your situation has never changed. So even though we're going through
a different physical experience, your yeah, physical experience, your situation with the
Lord has not changed. So anyway, I was so excited because she was talking about like everything
lined up. I'm like, I know even when the road isn't so smooth, everything still lines up.
It's wild. So I went through all kinds of very difficult situations.
Um, just case in point when I was overseas and I remember I was in Croatia and I had some, uh,
I was having some severe financial issues, et cetera. And there are so many, oh my word,
so many stories I could tell you, even that happened in a short period of time, but I'll
just mention this. One example is I was on my birthday and I was, um, and I felt that the Lord
just wanted me to step out in some certain things. And, um, in part of it, but part of the stepping
out in faith was to buy something that I saw because it was very much like something that
I felt that he was calling me to start walking in, et cetera. And so, uh, but I, I, um, so I went
in and, and thought about it a really long time and looked at it and talked to the owner. It talked
to the, to the sales clerk about it, et cetera. And finally I decided, you know what, I just don't
know that I can do that. I just don't know that I can do that. And, um, and so I, and I felt that
the Lord told me to do it, but man alive, that was a stretch of faith. I was like, God, am I sure
that I heard you about that? Cause I really don't know that would literally be spending all of my
money. And I am in a foreign country about to need money to buy a ferry ticket to go across to Italy,
where I promised a church that I would be there at such and such a time to speak. And fascinatingly,
I ended up going and getting into Italy like three days after the country opened from COVID
or something. It was wild. But anyway, so in other words, I had this like obligation, right?
I'm like, God, you know, that would be spending all my money, but I believe that you're telling
me as I'm walking out of the store to buy it as thing, this is no little deal for anyone. God. And
I told the Lord, as I walked out, I'm like, God, I don't think I have the faith for this. I don't
think I have the faith to enough strong enough to know that that's you to be able to do that kind of
action. I have another thing for this one. I'm just not so sure. So I walk out feeling guilty
and heavy and all of this stuff. And I don't remember how far I walked. I think I went and
I got a little bit of ice cream or something, and I'm still walking again. Like I said, it's my
birthday. My best friend, uh, tries to call me a Mr. Call. And then she messages me, Hey, I sent you
a, uh, some birthday money, you know, because you're overseas. And so I thought maybe you
could use some money and buy yourself something over there that you'd find fun.
And so I looked down and it was for the exact amount of that big thing that I had just walked
out of the store, uh, you know, and didn't buy about like, I don't know, 10, 15 minutes earlier.
I'm like, got it, God. And I turned around and got it. So, um, so anyway, the thing is that's
just, that's one example of like, you know, things don't always look so smooth. I was in a very dire
financial situation and was after that too, just to take the birthday money that she gave me and
spend it on that other thing was still an act of faith because even though, you know, everything
seemed to have lined up just right, you know, it was this exact amount of money of this other thing.
And it was like, it was like a couple hundred dollars. So, I mean, it was like no little,
no little deal. And I was like, Lord, this does not seem, you know, like practical or anything,
but I was like, yeah, but what am I doing? I'm not here to live a practical life. I'm here to
learn who my God is. And I'm here to live in relationship with him. So, um, anyway, and then,
so even that was an act of faith because I have all of these other obligations. I have food. I
need to buy for the next few days. I have a ferry ticket I need to get. And then when I get over
there, then I need to pay for a hotel. I don't even have money to pay for a hotel once I get to
Italy, you know, so I, you know, and, um, in fact, I think I landed with no money for a hotel.
I think that I barely had enough money to get on the ferry and just got a little bit of food
at a little convenience store before I got on. I didn't even have money for one night at a hotel.
Anyway, the Lord ended up taking care of that too. So anyway, this is quite a journey, but so
there, and that was, that was a short little timeframe of the three months that I was.
overseas where I was just doing this all the time. And so my point in making that is sure,
nothing looks smooth in there. And so can you imagine, you know, your emotions going up and
down? So that's one of the things though, is that I have to temper my emotions. I don't mean like
not feel something. I mean like, okay, my emotions are coming up. It means what am I believing or
what am I out of agreement with, with the Lord? And I choose something different. Like I have to
legitimately choose that my world operates very differently from what I'm tempted to believe.
That's, that's a good way to phrase that. I am having to choose that my world operates
according to very different principles than what I'm being tempted to believe. That's what I mean
when I keep talking about choose your reality. You are literally choosing that it, that is how
the world works, period. And so simply off of the fact that God said, not because you have any
evidence of it. And I've lived like that before. Remember, so that's another, remember, that's
another thing. Remember that you should always have grace for yourself. And that when you start
stepping out in faith and new things with the Lord, and like, you feel like you're stumbling
and falling and you're not really sure that you're doing it right. Remember, you've never done this
before and God knows that. So, um, but anyway, so my point in telling you that one little, that
one little capsule of the story out of like this, like all of these, like a jillion stories I could
tell you is to show you is to try to explain, you know, when the road doesn't look, when everything
doesn't look lined up, it still lines up because God is the same and will continue to prove that
he's the same, regardless of what your situation is telling you can look like, oh my goodness,
I have enough money. Oh my word. I hardly have any, oh my goodness. I'm in the hole.
You know, it, I mean, and, but God doesn't change who he is, how much he's loving you and whether
or not you're being protected. You could be down here and, you know, it could be like, oh my word,
I've got so much abundance, you know, look at all the money or look at the hotel room or look at
the whatever, or the there's that. I don't have any, I don't have anything. Is God any different
in how he's interacting with me? Absolutely not. Because he is who he is regardless of my
situation. And that, you know, as one is what I always use that story in Venice to talk about is
you have to make the decision completely regardless of what, of what your circumstance
is saying. And so often the, and everything will change, like literally everything will change
between you and the Lord. When you're in those, when you're in those very difficult situations
and you can out and you can accuse God horribly, and you're struggling so hard because you probably
are, you know, you're accusing God and God's like, I want you to now make a different choice.
Will you now stop accusing me? And will you actually choose that I am who I say that I am
when it looks like it is being out now proven that you didn't hear me right.
Out now proven that I'm not who I say that I am. What do you choose? Do you choose the proof
or do you choose what I said? So anyway, um, so there's all of that. Uh, does anyone have
anything else they wanted to bring up? Like anything that's been going on this week,
you wanted to kind of like, uh, like walk us through about like, um, I don't know,
victories or, or struggles or, or questions. Anyone have anything?
And then y'all know to make sure to get all of y'all's, uh, transformation sessions in before
the November the 19th. So, so I think that there are still some, um, of y'all who have, um, some
to like schedule, but I think not all of them are scheduled. So if y'all want, y'all don't have
to take advantage of them, but I'm, you know, they're there if y'all would like to.
So, oh, and, um, while everyone's thinking my, um, my husband, I was very excited. He wasn't
able to join me tonight, but he said, he told me today, um, he said, you know, I said, I, he said,
I think I have the beginnings of a prophetic word for everybody. It was like, excellent.
That is his wheelhouse. It's wonderful. So I'm sure that he'll come on soon and share about that.
And, um, he is prepping for, um, uh, the, his personal ministry time with those of you who,
uh, joined before October 1st and got some personal ministry time with him. So he's prepping for that.
So, okay. Has anyone thought of anything?
So I'll share a little bit.
It is very difficult to know how to articulate you guys are right.
Yeah.
He's been doing in us.
And the way that we're shifting, I know, Nick can attest to it too but I know I can speak for myself, like the choosing that we did the first couple weeks.
We were really really hard on this.
That harder. And we just kept like pressing it and choosing and listening to all the teachings and, you know, whether or not we felt it or, or it made sense like this further you know understanding okay this is, this is really what it is.
This is really what it takes it's not, there's not something different or something I'm missing or something, you know, harder or greater or more complex or whatever this is exactly the things kept getting harder and harder I mean, to the, to the point
where it's like the hardest that we've definitely that we've been through in our marriage, marriage, and that I've been through personally in a long time even as a single mom and a really bad abusive situation with my girl's dad and all the stuff well here we are this week.
And it went from like everything we've been going through the bad to worse to worse to like, like, as far as it could possibly go with me feeling like I can still hang on to, like, my.
What would you call it like cope, you know, cope with life kind of kind of feeling. And yet like all while I'm still choosing him and choosing to believe him in this, and then it's like he's taken this, this huge blockage this huge, like belief system that has kept me, you know, through all these conversations
with y'all I've been listening to how do we process me, how do I, how do I let my soul feel the depth of trauma and pain that I've been stuffing down for so long, I mean, and even as a believer who hears from him regularly and no season.
I don't know how to process well. The past few days.
The worst part is that I felt like I can no longer keep this stuff down. I can, and that is the scariest part of all of it is that how does what when this is being triggered and these traumas of what this, you know, this particular person has done to me and my
and now he's actually filed in court that I'm mental, so it actually he's he's trying to say that I'm, I'm mental and unfit to be with my children and take and hide my children and keep them from me so it's like it's triggering everything that I've worked so hard to protect myself from feeling.
And here's the cool part is that the Lord has just been like coming in.
Like, never before I mean I see I see pictures of Jesus, you know, and I've and I've used that where I bring him into the scene but after my transformation session with y'all if you, you know, a few nights back, it was like, like, things broke loose like this
dam broke loose and it's like how am I gonna like, aside from having the assuredness that he brought through that session, how would I that very night deal with the level of trauma and things that were coming up in my soul like there.
I don't know, like he knew that I needed that to be able to get through. And then further he's showing me like the safety of who he is in a way I've never experienced before to the point where I actually got to the place, I think it was yesterday or the night
before that, you know, I'm seeing this vision of him and he's like cradle, cradling me and I'm crying, he gives me, you know, verse after verse lately to comfort me and songs because I'm musician songs are a huge part of how I worship and.
And so he gave me this particular song about being safe in his arms and I'm just bawling and I'm seeing myself in his arms and I'm listening to the song and like something broke that I can hardly explain where I literally was like, oh my goodness like I have been terrorized
for all this time but all of a sudden I knew that I was safe with him. And the very darkest of whatever could possibly come, whatever I would face and that I felt like I could do this if I could just feel this safety.
Now from now on, I could do, I could do this all over again for however long it would last, and I could actually be okay, because of that level of safety and knowing that one.
that good because I just didn't know how, if he was really good, even though I wanted to say it
and believe it and I've seen him move and I've seen him move and I've seen him move, there's
something like this level of pain and trauma. I didn't know if he was really that good and I just
really didn't think I was good. I actually believed so bad that I was so bad that I could actually be
like, not just far from him, but I could be like somehow just innately flawed to the point where
he wouldn't even really know me in the end. You know what I mean? There was some kind of
something wrong with me that would make it so that he could actually spit me out or cast me
away from his presence and that terrified me to look inside me because what if that was true?
So when I knew that he showed me he's safe and he's that good and he's that safe to hold me in
the worst of storms and then I'm not bad, which is like, oh my gosh, I'm stunned, like I can't
go away from that. The circumstance is not better. My nervous system is still responding, very
triggered and I'm having to do calming techniques and all these things. And yet I felt like I,
again, could do this for however long now that I know this, now that I know that I know this,
I can go through whatever it looks like from here on out. And that's a huge shift from feeling like
I can't even face this stuff to like, I can go through whatever and for however long. And then
just the sense and the saying, like, oh my goodness, it's good news. Like the gospel is
finally good news. Like I have never been able to say the gospel is good news and now I can say
good news. Like I can't even hardly believe this is happening. So I just wanted to share that.
Yeah, that's how good he is. And that's how, for me, that's like the shift is so deep where it's
like, this is, this is not, I'm continually choosing him as that, as who he really is,
as in now I can see who he really is in the depth of the pain that has kept me on lockdown and
locked up inside for decades. So yeah, that is huge. And then you're like, I'll share. I'm like,
why is it taking this long for us to hear this? I'm so excited for you. That's huge. I've,
everyone, I've worked with Liberty for two years. This is a really big deal. Yay. I'm so excited
for you. So that's huge. Cause there's nothing like that, like that comfort and just that,
that assurance and that solidity and just being anchored in, in, in him just like, okay, so who
is he? Okay. I am in him. I'm secure in him. This is his response to me. This is how he holds me.
This is how his arms around me. You said you were listening to a song. Were you listening
to Meredith Andrews song? I do love her. And this case, it was actually a song. I,
I used to listen to plum in college 20 years ago almost. And she had music back then she's
continued to make, but he brought the song safe in your arms by plum was the one in that case.
But it's just funny how it's like every verse. And then the song shows up or the verse shows
up in the next song that he tells me to listen to. And it's like, he's like literally carrying
us through this. That's really cool. I'm going to have to listen to the song. Well, thanks.
So in my sharing, which I haven't been able to do the journey sharing because of everything we've
been facing, but I've been so badly wanting to, and just, I value that so much, just that,
that community and that vulnerability and the sharing. And so when I do share, I want to be
able to just like list the songs that he's been carrying me through this season, because it's
like almost like the rest intensive playlist for me. I mean, it's like, you know, I have this
playlist that, that he had me started on before we all started meeting. And now it's almost like
it's, it's, it's own life track, you know? Yeah. Rest intensive. So that's great.
Well, reminds me of that. When I, I was asked about Meredith Andrews, because her song in,
in your arms was one that carried me through when I was in very, very deep depression. So
I mean like that, that whole time period that I told y'all about that was like
severe clinical depression. Yeah. That was that time. So she, there were three songs of hers that
I had on repeat all day long, essentially. And so anyway, and that was one of them. So in your arms
and it just brought me such, I don't know, just kind of like, I just kind of used it as an anchor
because I needed something that kind of helped get well, like I said, give me an anchor for the fact
that he was safe because I was struggling to believe it. And I so badly wanted that safety,
you know, that connection, et cetera. So I would just listen to that song, you know,
that you were listening, like you were listening to your song, just listen to that song to just
kind of like, give me an anchor if I couldn't, almost like a.
As weird as it sounds like a replacement for my, for my faith, because I didn't have the
faith to believe it.
So I grabbed ahold of this and the Lord just really helped carry me through a lot just
from listening to that song, because it would like be my way to kind of connect with them
and like try to choose them to the degree that I could, which was very small compared
to what it is that I, you know, that I learned later that I needed to do, but still, it was,
it was the thing that kind of kept me, helped me tread water when I was, when I was so bad.
So that is really cool.
So my point in saying that is, oh, I can relate.
I remember how that feels.
So happy for y'all.
Right.
Thank you so much.
So I guess my question to go along with that would be when we're going through pain or
these realizations that are, you know, deep, especially when it comes to processing pain
or things in our soul, or even lies that we believed that, you know, there's grief around
the fact that I even believed this for so long and that I've tormented myself with all
of this, you know, self-hatred and punishment and condemnation and all these things and
shame when he always saw me, all of me and knew me and, and loved me and, you know, on
this level.
So there's some grief there too, but just in terms of facing whatever it is, like knowing
that you don't know what's going to come next, like you don't know the storm or you don't
know the next thing or what it's going to look like to even fully process the pain,
I guess, what is like the anchor in that when you finally know he's safe and you can walk
through anything with him, but like, what is, what is he, what's his viewpoint that
I guess I'm, I'm, I'm wanting to understand better.
What is his view?
Does he want me to brace myself for impact because there could be harder and worse stuff
in a sense, like not place myself for impact, but like not be too relieved because there
could be more really painful, hard stuff coming.
Or is it like when he's that good and that safe in that place that I can just access
that place, no matter how scary and hard it gets again with the trauma.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
That one, uh, you can remember it kind of like, uh, drunk people in, in a car crash
end up being the ones to survive usually because they're loose.
You don't want to brace for impact that create that, that, um, causes you to break because
so that creates more resistance and the more resistance, the less resilient we are as weird
as that sounds.
So it's a horrible example to like compare it to, but at least we'll all remember it.
And so, yeah.
So is remember it's the fact that God is good and that he's protector and provider that
creates your sense of safety, not your sense of self-protection is in, I need to brace
myself for impact or I need to, you know, whatever, because a lot of times we're, we're
just thinking, Oh, I, you know, I just don't want to let my guard down.
Well, there's a difference between, um, uh, being aware that things can happen versus,
um, versus actually like preparing to defend yourself, so to speak.
And by that, I mean, like emotionally or, or spiritually or something like that.
So yeah, it, so just rely on the Lord being as good as he's revealed himself to be that.
In other words, that you've just come into an understanding of, and then, yeah, it doesn't
mean that everything from here on out is going to be smooth.
It just means that you're kind of like in a high point where it's like the dust is cleared.
You know, the fog has cleared and you're realizing what's really going on.
And that can take you through.
You can just need to continue to remember that as you go through the next step, that's
not always so smooth, um, it, because it's like, like I said, it's like the fog clears
and that, and you finally see, Oh, regardless of what's going on here, that is what actually
is the truth.
That's a higher reality that supersedes this reality.
And so, um, but, and so you, what's carrying you through is the fact that that is the re his,
the, the actual reality.
He is that good, regardless of, of whether this is smooth or not.
So, but it doesn't mean that, okay, well, it's good now I'm in the eye of the storm
and now I'm about to go through the storm again.
And I'm not, I'm not protected.
No, I mean, you still are.
It's just that, um, that the fog just kind of cleared for a bit.
The eye of the storm came through, you know, you're in the middle of the eye of the hurricane.
All of a sudden it's like, everything's quiet.
I'm like, Oh, this is nice.
It doesn't mean that the storm's over.
And it just, it's just that God wants you to know, look, this is what's really going
on.
Give yourself a bit of relief.
You know, it's like, okay, and then, and I'm not saying that that's where you're going,
you know, that, Oh my goodness, it just, you're in the middle, you're in the eye of the storm
and it just gets harder from here.
That's not what I mean.
I'm just saying that I'm answering your question as to what about the future?
The fact that we don't know it and it's unpredictable.
So am I supposed to be, am I supposed to be, like you said, bracing for an impact that may,
just because it may come. And it's like, no, you just always choose that, that what it is that
you have seen when everything was more clear is always the truth and just choose that as the
higher truth. Now, as far as like things on earth that God wants you to do, sometimes he wants you
to actually take certain actions that we would see as like preparation, like, oh, I'm going to
prepare for this, I'm going to prepare for that, just in case this, and just in case that,
but remember that's based on the Lord's guidance and, and you can do it because maybe even it's
worldly wisdom, but remember, it's not what we do. It's why we're doing it. We don't do it to
rely on it as it's, it's as if it is our protection. It's our savior. We rely on God to protect us,
not all the things that we're doing, putting in place or preparing in preparation for,
does that make sense? So anyway, so when I say that you, that you don't want to brace for impact,
I don't mean that we don't prepare sometimes in physical ways for the potential of something
coming. You know, God talks in scripture about that as well. It talks about, you know,
um, what is it like preparing for the winter and preparing for things that are coming,
et cetera, and that that's just that that's wisdom, but he shows us in the new Testament.
Yeah, but you don't rely on that back in the old Testament. You used to have to rely on it,
but in the new Testament, you still live in that world, but it doesn't mean that you rely on that
as if you were abandoned alone. And it's what it is that you're doing. That's keeping you safe
now choose that. I'm keeping your seat, keeping you safe. And now just do these things. It's just
you're allowing an aspect of creation to be, to partner with you in the process,
but it's God who's creating the outcome. Now, not all your preparation.
So you can still have joy, you know, you can solve joy, right? Like that's part of where
I'm doing with, with that. It's like, I want, I think he wants me to enjoy life and not be heavy
all the time, you know, or laugh, hang out with my kids and husband, like these, these things.
I mean, that's, that's it's, it sounds just like the normal everyday stuff, but you can get in a
place where I got to where it's, it just feels like there's nothing, but pure torture and
heaviness, you know? And so it's like, well, even as I go through these emotions, now that I'm
choosing him as my safe place, can it be a little bit more enjoyable, even if it's painful,
even if it's painful, what do you mean? Yeah. Even if it's pain, I mean, even if it has to be
painful as in like, we're still processing pain or there's still things and triggers and stuff
like that, but can it be more enjoyable than this lonely road I've been on where I've had him at a,
you know, like at arm's length, you know? Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. You definitely want to,
because the, all of the fruits of the spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
and all of those, those are fruits of the spirit is in like that. And that's who it is that you
are. And I understand it's fruits of the spirit with a capital S, but that is the fruits of the
spirit is, you know, that is, um, those are the characteristics of God. And so therefore those
are our characteristics. And that means that that's who we are. And we don't stop being us
when we're in pain. We're still all those other things too. So, um, you know, we still have peace.
We still have joy. We still have whatever, while there's the pain, because remember what the pain
is. The pain is the, um, is the fighting of where, where flesh is warring against spirit.
That's where that pain is. But you, but spirit doesn't stop being spirit. Spirit is still
peace, love, joy, et cetera. The pain is the unnaturalness of, of ourselves
warring against what's natural, which is peace, love, joy, whatever. And then this pain is just,
is where that was, where the soul is just struggling to believe that God is who he says
that he is, et cetera. You have some other aspect of flesh of in creation coming against
whatever, and trying to attack that is tack and declare and try to try to present evidence that
God isn't who he says that he is. And that, that flood, that clash of flesh and spirit
is where we get pain and struggle, which again is why Jesus experienced it. Even though he didn't
sin, he experienced, um, stress and pain and struggle, and yet he never sent. So it's just
warring of flesh and the spirit because of the world that we live in our soul and our body
are going the way of the world, because that's where it is that it was born into. It was part,
it's literally as part of creation is our souls and our bodies were created.
Um, and our spirits were born of God, but our soul and body were created. And so, you know,
they struggle with the spirit and then the other aspects of creation as well,
you know, have just been believing that.
at where it's abandoned and alone has to provide for itself.
And so it's in chaos too.
And so any of that flesh, any of that creation is at war with the spirit
until the spirit presents itself.
The sons of God manifest themselves as the king, as their it's
king that it's been waiting for.
And we have to present ourselves.
We have to know who it is that we are and present ourselves to, to that,
knowing that we're not threatened.
Only then can we protect and provide for creation and give
it what it is that it needs.
If we feel threatened, we're not standing in our kingly position.
So that's why the creation is waiting for the manifestation of the sons of God.
It's waiting for the sons of God to, to realize who it is that they are so
that they no longer feel threatened.
And then they finally have the strength to be in the leadership, to be able to
lovingly out of their character, which is born of God and shares his character
lovingly provide for and protect our kingdom, the way that God does for him.
But in the meantime, there's that, there's that war and that's where all that pain
is, but we don't start, stop being ourselves.
In fact, it's very important, no matter the pain to not be, to not identify
ourselves with the pain and by the pain.
And, um, that's one of the things that's very hard.
For when I'm choosing to shift into rest, et cetera, this is just something I've
been thinking, uh, I was, um, thinking about mentioning lately is that one of
the, the, some of the people that I end up, especially if I, um, how do I read
this when I used to do clarity calls, et cetera, you know, before I would invite
someone into the rest intensive, I wouldn't allow anyone in that had
identified themselves as, uh, in their pain.
Like that is who they were because then they couldn't, then it felt like
then they couldn't give up.
There's then it felt like they were giving up their sense of
self to a very, very deep degree.
They didn't want to give up their pain in order to choose the Lord because
their identity now was their pain.
They, and they, I'm a victim.
I've gone through this horrible thing.
Other people, you know, this is, this is, this is what gets me attention.
I know people like that actually very close to some people like that, that
identify so much in their pain, that when they were point blank, given an
invitation to get freedom, they said, no, I was shocked.
Why would you choose to stay there?
That was their, they, it was beyond a sense of safety.
They now identified as their pain.
That's who they wanted to be.
It's weird as it sounds.
So anyway so we never want to identify in as our pain of like, Oh my goodness.
I'm going through so much struggle and whatever.
It's like, no, no, I am peace, love, joy, et cetera.
I'm not my pain.
I'm just experiencing pain, but that's not me.
That's not my identity.
It's not my sense of self.
I am who God says that I am.
I'm experiencing pain.
There's this, there's this, uh, what's the word?
There's this opposition that I'm experiencing.
So just remember that your pain is as deep as it is.
It's an opposition you're experiencing.
It's not you.
Yeah, that's really good.
And that makes sense too, with, because with that last vision, um, that I have
with Jesus the day before yesterday, I was a little girl and he, you know, there
were some different things he was protecting me from and he was standing.
Next to me, but I could only see his back because he was dealing with who was out
here and what was out here and he would not let me see that.
And then finally, when that was done and he did bring me over, like next to him, we
sat in front of a mirror and he was saying, it's all about identity now.
Like he had me putting on these glasses and doing these different things in the
mirror, and he said, this is about identity.
So it's like, yeah, I think that even in the midst of the pain, you're right.
The identity is so key.
And that's where, what I feel like it's going to be a re like an unlearning and a
relearning, um, with him now in the season.
So to not identify with the trauma.
So, yeah.
I'm so very excited for you.
Yeah.
So I just wanted to mention that as an encouragement that you don't have to grab
ahold of the pain and be identified it in any way, or feel like on my word, I want
to keep away from this because it's an ugly part of myself.
I don't, I wish it wasn't true.
That's not you.
It's you remember your spirit.
And so it's just that you're, you're opposition to who it is that you naturally
are.
So I just get, in order to make a point, I gave an extreme example of other people.
I know you've actually identified as their pain now and as a victim.
So it's different than your situation, but the principle of it, I thought might be
helpful.
because there are ways in which we feel that we've hurt so badly that we're afraid to look
at that part of ourselves because we think it's us or, um, or we think that we're in
so much pain that the proper and as weird as it sounds that the proper and appropriate
way to interact with it or, or to handle ourselves is to, uh, focus on it and to just be heavy
all the time and that it's not responsible and adults to be happy and to be joyful when
you're going through something hard or when your children are going through something
hard and you wish you could be there for them.
Part of what we do is we end up trying to carry it for them, even though when they're
not with us or whatever, and, and that's, and that's just not something that you can
in a manner of speaking that you can actually do, but it makes us feel like, um, I don't
know that we're, that we're supposed to, we feel that we're supposed to, et cetera,
that we can't be happy.
We'll feel guilty, et cetera.
You know, the whole thing that people talk about with mom guilt and it's not even, and
we're not in that is you've been used in situations that are not as extreme as yours.
That's in a situation where a lot of times mom is going out for the night with her girlfriends
and she's left the kids at home for one night and she experiences mom guilt there.
You know, some of them, sure.
They probably cried as she walked out the door, but other than that, you know, yeah,
they're just, they're just fine, but she experiences mom guilt.
There's something that makes us feel like we can't, you know, be happy or joyful when
there's a difficult situation, especially for someone that we love, but we have to choose
that we're not trying to be selfish and extravagant and do some other new agey thing called self-care.
What we're just trying to do is we're trying to choose no, who am I?
And I need to operate like that.
I can operate like that in the pain and I can operate like that by kind of like giving
myself a break for a bit, but I am love, joy, peace, et cetera.
And I have to be those things in order to give them in order to be able to give them
to the rest of creation, give them to my family, get into my relationships or business or whatever.
Well we are past time and I'm bound to determine we were not going to do that this time.
Not that I care, but you know, I, I wanted to be conscientious for y'all, especially
now that it's an entire hour later than we're used to.
So, um, well, I say that, I mean, at least on the clock, I suppose it's, it's actually
our normal time, but, um, so I will, um, let everybody go.
I hope we all get a good night's sleep and thoroughly enjoy the fact that you can get
up an hour later.
That's how I'm going to make it feel tomorrow.
So anyway, it's good to see all of y'all and feel free to reach out, um, for anything.
And then, um, if y'all have, uh, any transformation sessions to set up, um, make sure that you
have those done, um, before November the 19th.
And then I've been talking to Ed about us getting the schedule up for, uh, he talked
to me, he talked to me actually about the fact that he needs to get a schedule up for
the, uh, personal train of the personal ministry times.
And, um, I guess that's it.
So in any of y'all who, um, who have not been, um, doing like any of your journey shares,
if then I never want to make any money for guilty for not doing something because you're
fully adults that are in this program of your own free.
Well, just wanted to remind everyone and invite everyone to do it.
If you would, if, um, if you feel up to being able to share, it really will help you in
your journey just to be able to articulate and mentioned, mentioned some victories, mentioned
amazing things that you've seen, um, and experienced of the Lord in this journey, or, you know,
the fact that you're struggling with something, um, and, uh, see, I don't know.
I don't know why there seems to be something that I was going to say, but maybe I've already
said it about the fact that Ed has, um, a word that's brewing for y'all.
So anyway.
All right.
Well, it's good to see y'all.
Hope y'all have a good night.