Okay.
Hello.
Hi.
How's it going tonight?
I'm going.
Meeting from in here. Yeah.
All right.
Yeah.
A little bit of a.
A little bit of a rough time, but.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Yeah.
Tonight is.
Are we the only ones on so far?
Yes.
Okay.
I'm good.
I am. Hey, Diana.
Oh, and you're standing.
Let's see.
Where is it? Here we go.
Yeah. So.
Ed and I just got in.
I guess we just got into town a couple of hours ago and they saw a
stop by Walmart to get some stuff.
And so we were like, okay,
we're going to get some stuff and we're going to get some food.
And we're going to get prep for our apartment that we're moving out
of.
You know,
I don't know in a couple of days.
So, so anyway, we.
We got home and was able to, you know, make the.
Frozen pizza.
Yep.
And real quick.
So we made sure that we've made it here in plenty of time to be able
to move out of our apartment.
And we're in back in South Carolina.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, because we, we, we packed our, our place,
but we now have to like pack it into a moving van.
And then move it to.
So it's a little confusing to everybody.
I know everybody keeps thinking we've already moved. I'm like, well,
You know, we, we took a.
Two and a half week hiatus in Florida to spend time with family and
friends.
And then we moved out of our apartment.
And I was like, well,
I guess I'll just have to move out of my apartment and move in with
family. So.
Because he had family that was coming through Florida to kind of do
a little get together. So fitting me.
All right.
Okay.
I hope everybody's good.
I am going to.
Oh,
Let's see.
Everyone on mute.
There we go. Just so that it,
it's easier to hear.
Okay.
All right.
So does anyone have anything?
How is everybody doing?
Good.
I had an event yesterday.
I had, and I, I.
It was a major.
Thing.
I went to my brother's cause it was his birthday.
And I went to drop off a cake.
And I was walking down this.
Steep stairs.
Must be like, maybe.
This is a long staircase.
Steep stairs.
And there's not very much lighting.
So my niece was walking in front of me. I was walking behind her.
And I guess I must've missed a step.
Okay.
So I grabbed hold of the wall.
And I fall forward.
From the top to the bottom.
So I grab the wall and I grab a frame.
And it's a glass frame.
So it.
Falls.
Cracks everywhere.
Me and her bubble tumbling all the way to the bottom.
Okay.
It was very.
And then.
So I get up, right.
And I get up and up laughing.
And I'm like, oh my God.
It's just not normal for me.
You know, and my, my, my sister-in-law's.
And she was like, oh my God, she's so traumatized.
Cause she was at the top of the stairs and my brother.
Are you okay?
And I just couldn't stop laughing.
Okay.
So I get up.
And my jeans are.
Has a tear about this big.
And in it.
Is a piece of glass this big.
It was a huge piece of glass.
Real.
It was like a pointed edge.
So I take it out of my jeans.
No.
Cuts.
No.
It was miraculous. I took it out and I was like, oh my God.
I mean, I take this.
Okay, so I get up and this traumatic thing and I get up and this morning, all I have
is my leg is like sore.
Yeah.
But I mean, that's how we were all amazed stuff amazing.
And what was weird that I was not traumatized or something like that.
Yeah, that would have happened to me.
That was like a fear that I had way back when that I would fall down down the stairs.
And I have stairs where I live, I have two flights of stairs, I go every day, every day.
So it's not like I'm not used to, you know, but it was just and I was gonna keep the jeans
because I said, nobody was gonna believe this.
And I wanted to almost keep the piece of glass.
Yeah.
Nobody and I was telling my mom and she goes, and I was like, no scratches.
And I was covered in glass.
Yeah.
Even when I was laying there, I was covered in glass.
Just wonderful.
I mean, protection.
It's just amazing.
I mean, wow, God is good.
I think about it.
It's just like, Lord, you know, what could have happened?
Yeah, yeah, that's wonderful.
And that before you even knew it, you were laughing.
You were just, you know, I just gave you, you know, security and peace, even though
you didn't know what to have security and peace in, you know, wonderful.
Can I say something to that?
Yeah.
That's so cool, Diana.
But I have to tell you, I listened to a ministry this morning.
And I listened to once in a while, while I'm getting ready on Sunday, and it's glory
of Zion in Texas.
And a lady said a similar thing.
She fell down some ladder, and she started laughing.
And she fell hard and should have been hurt.
And she wasn't hurt at all.
Yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
It was just like, you know, wow.
That is so great.
So good.
Yeah.
That's so cool.
Thanks for sharing.
That's exciting.
Thank you.
It's neat.
You know, it's, it's needed.
It reminds us, you know, okay, you know, God can take care of anything, any moment.
It's all good.
It's all okay.
You know, he really is.
He says that he is.
So that's wonderful.
Very cool.
Oh, what else has been going on?
There you go.
I like that.
Limitless living.
Love that.
I love that phrasing.
So have y'all been able to watch any of the, any of the, the two teachings that I uploaded
recently, or maybe like the rest group from Tuesday, or I don't know, maybe a fireside
chat that y'all missed.
It's all that, all that good, all that self-explanatory, no questions about anything or anything that
y'all have been running into about, I don't know, any challenges about the shifting of
duress or how's it going with them with, you know, delighting in yourself.
Are you able to grab a hold of what that actually about actually practically walking that out
and, you know, I don't know.
I don't know.
Yeah, I'll just jump in.
And I've been having a little bit of trouble just kind of delighting in myself, I guess.
And, and, and then, you know, I was off the platform for a few days.
I don't know exactly.
Did you reset it or something?
You said you were working on it the other day or something, because now I have to, every
time I go in now, I have to also log in.
And I didn't have, it used to be, I just, it kept me signed in on my phone.
So I don't, I don't know what happened.
But anyway, I'm on there now.
Thank you.
Thank you for having me.
Yes.
Sorry if there was trouble.
Yeah.
I don't know what happened.
But anyway, so I haven't got to watch anything, but, but yeah, if you have any tips for me,
I'm just been having been a little bit down.
And I'm not sure why exactly.
So, and I've got to sleep a little earlier that victory I had, but I've been waking up
again a lot during the night for the last few nights.
Yeah.
So, so if you have any tips for me, I'll just listen.
Right.
Well, one of the things just going back, starting at the last thing and then going and going
backward.
And hey, Rita, by the way.
Hey.
um is that if you wake up it you know don't get frustrated or get onto yourself or get or feel
I don't know um I know that it sounds like a really weird word to use and that we wouldn't
naturally think of this that we are in this when we wake up but even like some aspect of shame
or you know in other words frustration with oneself just you know why on earth am I doing
this you know or why on earth is my body doing this I'm giving it everything that it needs in
order to be able to not just fall asleep but to stay asleep etc and so it's important to not
consider yourself as an enemy and to just kind of just be okay with the fact that you are that you
that you woke up you will be able to go back to sleep faster because you won't be in a state of
frustration and it's and then it gives us it gives you an opportunity to obey the lord in faith
by again just just doing some similar stuff to what you did when you were trying to go to sleep
is then okay I am perfectly loved everything's okay like there's nothing that you need to
accomplish there's no problem that you need to be solving right then it's just kind of you just
delight in kind of like delighting in the present delighting in who it is that you are
and the fact that you're loved and the fact that you are unconditionally accepted and it will have
to be a choice because it's not something that you're going to naturally feel or that you're
going to naturally come to a logical conclusion of because everything's going to feel like the
opposite for one thing that we've developed that habit and for another you know we've kind of been
educated in that direction but remember that faith in the lord of faith and who he says that
he is and who he says that we are actually is an intentional willful decision that that is true
and an intentional decision that that is reality and so what you do is in those moments you choose
that that is more important to you as weird as this sounds that is more important to you than
getting to sleep because a lot of times we that's why we get frustrated is this again as hard as it
sounds we're idolizing um the idolizing the sleep and what it is that we think that it'll get us
because we're like well i don't want to be tired in the morning or i want to have good health or i
want to have whatever and this is getting in the way and my body's the one that's doing it and
therefore i need to whip it into shape and i just and it's not listening to me and there's all this
subconscious stuff that's going on that um that we want to that we want to get rid of so what we
do is we instead of choosing that as our highest value and fixing this and identifying this as a
problem that needs to be fixed if we choose the lord instead and we're like okay well you know
just allow it to be whatever it is and i just love myself for you know and i love my body and it's all
okay it's just operating out of fear that it feels that and it feels that it is having to
succumb to whatever pressures that environmental pressures that it's feeling whatever hormonal
imbalance that it ran into or whatever i don't know whatever like caused it to jerk awake to
try to protect me or try to i don't know you know whatever sleep cycle it thinks that it's trying to
follow you know and we just stop considering it the enemy and so we we start breaking down a lot
of this subconscious resistance that we have and then we choose that god and the fact that he loves
us and the fact that everything is okay um and the fact that he he provides for us and he he protects
us we're safe um you know we're unconditionally loved we're unconditionally accepted in other
words that our world is that he is ensuring that we're currently in the palm of his hand and
everything is okay and he's going to work everything out even though we don't know how he's going to
work it out we don't know when it's going to happen we don't know if that's necessarily the
choice the path that we would choose in working that thing out but we just kind of give it give
it to god so you just don't try to solve anything you don't try to fix anything and you don't get
mad at yourself you don't get mad at your body and then and then you choose that that god is
more important you just you give yourself a sense of like of um uh by choosing that god is all loving
towards you and all accepting of you where it is that you are then you're kind of putting yourself
it will begin to put yourself in a state of like non-resistance which which your body is more which
then causes your body more likely to i'm sorry i'm trying to let tammy back in um uh to be more at
be more at rest not just like mentally and emotionally and spiritually and all that but
also physically and so um anyway does that does that help it sounds very weird and very counterintuitive
i'm sure there's all kinds of practical things that you know
can say and talk about, but, you know, those are like sleep clinics and stuff that, and technically
I can even give you some of those, but, um, but that from a place of rest is how I would
recommend dealing with it. That's what I have to do. And I wake up, you know, in the middle
of the night. So is that helpful? It is. Thank you. You're welcome. Um, as far as some practical
things, which, you know, I don't always speak to, but as far as some practical things, some
of the things are kind of, um, I would recommend doing what I'm talking about first. Um, some of
the things that, that people, uh, have, uh, that sleep clinics sometimes depending on sleep clinic,
but they, they would, that they recommend is always making sure that you, uh, go don't go
to bed until you're very, very sleepy so that your body doesn't associate bedtime with insomnia or
sorry, not in bedtime, your bedroom with insomnia. And then you always, no matter when you go to bed,
always, always, always, always, always, always force yourself to get up at the same time and
don't allow yourself to take a nap and stuff like that gets your body back on a cycle of
understanding. Okay. We sleep from this time to this time. And so those are some practical things,
but it has nothing whatsoever to do with rest with at least relying on the Lord for it. So
the first part there, don't go to bed until you're sleepy. Yes. Very, very sleepy. Like you're like,
okay, I'm seriously ready to fall asleep. Yeah. Because, and then, and then also people say,
sometimes I don't know if you'll want to necessarily do this again. I would recommend
doing the, doing the stuff and rest first. Um, but you could do them. You could do them in tandem.
Absolutely. But the other thing that is suggested is that when you wake up,
unless you're ready to turn around and go right back to sleep, they recommend you leave the room
and you do something that you want to do. You do something that makes you happy.
You watch a show, which I don't know about that because it's stimulating, but, um, but, you know,
you read a book or you draw or you paint or something so that again, your body does not
associate insomnia with the bedroom. So, and so that it, Oh, it knows kind of like a child going
through a bedtime routine, you know, how you get a child always ready for bed with a bedtime
routine. So they always understand, okay, this is what we're about to do. So their body finally
goes to sleep by the time you put them in bed. Um, so we do the same thing with ourselves that
our body always associates that sleep with the bedroom anyway, but that has nothing whatsoever
to do with rest, but there you go. And then you had asked another question, um, talking about,
Oh, that you feel sad and you don't know, and you don't know why. Um, I, um, so I really,
it's the same answer as what I gave you about sleep is that don't get upset at yourself for
feeling sad and think, you know, I shouldn't feel sad. I should be feeling something else.
Remember that rush shifting tool of like no judgment. So first of all, stop thinking it
shouldn't be like this and it should be different. You know, I shouldn't feel sad. I should feel
something else or whatever, and just stop judging it. Just like, okay, this is, this is what it is
right now. You're not agreeing with it. You're not saying it's okay. You're not saying you want
to stay here. You're not feeding it, but you're stopping the fighting of it. You're stopping
judging it and saying, well, it shouldn't be like this. You know, you just kind of like, okay, well,
this is just accept yourself being sad and just know that for whatever reason that you're just
sad right now and allow your, your soul in a manner of speaking to have it say that it's
that that aspect of you is important and needs to be heard. It doesn't mean that you're,
that you're going to make a decision, you know, the, in the way that it wants you to make the
decision, because again, you're the adults and you've decided you, you know, what it is that you
need to do, but you still honor and acknowledge that part of yourself. And then you're, you're
less likely to, to stay there. So that's one thing is just love and accept the fact. Okay. Well,
you know, I mean, you don't love the fact that you're, that you are, you're sad. You just love
that part of you. You just love the fact that, oh, well, I love myself anyway, but I'm just
fine. Not love myself, despite love myself with like, even while I'm sad in this aspect of me,
that is, has a tendency to be sad because of whatever it's triggered by or whatever.
I love that part of me. Didn't mean that you agree with it. Does it mean that you want to
still do it? It just means that you love that part of you that ends up sadly, sometimes being
sad, but it doesn't make that aspect of you wrong or something to be rejected or something to not
be loved because, or while it's sad, it has, it's completely irrelevant to whether or not you love
that part of you. Right. And so you just love and accept yourself.
Holy while you're sad.
And again, that'll help you let go of the sadness faster.
And then the other thing is, uh, to, to do just what I was talking
about with the, with the sleep thing is to choose that God, that you
were fully loved and fully accepted.
And it is, again, I keep repeating it.
It is a choice and then it's amazing how much sadness will lift just by the fact
that we're secure and we're in a state of provision and protection because
we are, you know, encompassed by and sustained by and abiding in that,
which sustains everything in that, which supplies everything, whatever.
So, and you don't have to know why you're sad, but sadness, just like
anything else, you can go through the rush shifting tools and drop things
like no shame and no condemnation and tell yourself to stop and then, you
know, no judgment and, and then choose and go with your spirit finds peace
or declare and go where your soul finds peace, you know, et cetera.
So the rest of team tools are for any aspects of ourselves that just don't
feel like they're in alignment with, um, uh, with the Lord meaning like,
you know, it could be fear.
It could be anger, could be sadness, could be frustration,
could be confusion, could be whatever.
And I mean, like a disturbed confusion.
I don't mean like general confusion, like, okay, well, I'm
trying to figure something out.
I mean, like, you're really bothered by the fact that you're confused.
Things feel chaotic, anything that feels negative or that internally feels
heavy and you would be, you know, I don't, I don't know why I know this
about you, but it's just kind of like this intuitive thing that I know from
having pulled all kinds of things together about you over the years,
past couple of years is I know that you're very familiar with this.
You're very familiar with knowing, okay.
You know, that aspect of you that would feel heavy during that time.
So that thing right there, that is a sign of being in unrest versus
that other aspect of you that you've come to recognize that, Oh, that's life
in me, that right there, that spirit versus that that's flesh, you know?
So that's, that's what I would recommend.
There are very basic things that so often to people can feel irrelevant to the
actual thing that we're trying to deal with.
Like if someone's saying, Oh, I'm sad.
Well, they're not like they're, they don't usually come to people and get
the answer that, Oh, you're, you need to choose that God loves you.
You need to choose it.
You loves you unconditionally that there's nothing wrong with you, but
he's not upset at you being sad.
You know, that you can come to him and like what we've been talking about,
you know, with some of the stuff, like for instance, that Tammy's been
brought up, but that Tammy's brought up with some of the stuff that she's
going through is we can, what to do with our negative emotions, you know?
We, we experientially have, how would you explain that?
We, we discover that God really is who he says that he is by experiencing it.
So take the advantage of those opportunities of like, when you feel a
particular way that you just don't like, and let's all be honest, none of us like
being with ourselves when we're feeling mad or sad or whatever, there's something
about it, just like, I just don't like being with me right now, but take
that and be that with God.
So you don't have to be alone in it.
Just take it and just be with him instead of not wanting to be with him.
Cause we're afraid he's going to correct it or to get onto us or to judge it or to
punish us or to do where there's something that in the middle of all of our negative
emotions, okay, now that's telling me I got to do something on top of it.
And then we just don't have, we're just saying, I just don't have the energy or
just allow yourself to be able to trust you and your emotions and feeling like
that in God's presence.
And trust God with that.
And then see what his love, his unconditional love has been his
unconditional, um, acceptance of you will make you feel as opposed to, well,
how do I stop feeling sad?
Well, why don't you, we take it before the Lord and see what being in his
presence while we're sad, what it ends up, what ends up happening to us, let
experiencing the being of God himself, you know, changes and affect us.
You know, as opposed to us trying to apply some kind of psychology outside
of God, which is what all the non-believers have at their disposal.
And we have something else.
So anyway, those are my thoughts.
Well, does that make sense?
Is that helpful?
Yes.
Yeah.
I think that is helpful.
Thank you.
Sometimes I think I, well, I'm, I think I just try to be busy then.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Um, one of the issues with that is it means that you, that we try to escape
ourselves, we're like, I don't like this feeling, so I'm just going to ignore it,
but then it doesn't get dealt with.
And there's aspects of yourself.
selves that subconsciously will feel rejected and that you're not enough for you and that
those are aspects of yourself that won't feel safe with you. And then you won't trust yourself
because you're like, well, there's this part of me that just gets upset.
There's this part of me that gets sad and I don't know how to control it, you know,
but it's hard to be the parent for yourself and to be the safe place for the rest of you to feel sad.
You know, so that's your spirit wanting to provide a safe place for your soul and body to navigate
the fear to navigate on my word, what's going to happen if we do trust the Lord and I don't know,
you know, and, um, and that's the thing that you're trying to overcome. You're trying to
overcome all of the beliefs that you've had, that you're not okay. If you're sad, you're not okay.
If you're afraid or whatever. So, and then that's Amy. So those are just some ideas.
So thank you, Ashley. You're welcome. Does anyone have anything else?
Am I going to have to submit questions every week and pretend that they're from one of you.
I got some questions this week. I'm like planning. It made me laugh, but I have to do that all the
time. And it gets, you know, it's crack set, but I always make myself laugh. You know, I'll be the
only one that gets, you know, I'll be the only one that gets, you know, I'll be the only one that
I always make myself laugh. You know, I'll be the only one laughing hysterically. I feel like
you made yourself laugh again. I'm like, I did. I did. He's not laughing. Sometimes he smiles
sometimes whatever, but I'm over there hysterically laughing because I made myself laugh.
I told him, I said, I'm very wholesome. I'm very wholesome. You're very wholesome.
It's very innocent. So
anything with like, I don't know if y'all have y'all been able to watch any of those extra ones
I've put up and trying to remember what they were. Oh, choosing yourself. And you know, and
Oh no, it wasn't choosing yourself. It was a, how to be enough for yourself. And then, uh,
in the losing weight, those two things, those are hard for me. I really do. I don't know why
I'm very hard on myself. I found it very hard when you were saying those words that
we are enough and just to accept yourself where you're at and, you know, just why is it so hard
for us? Like, you know, why is it so hard to, like, I was just crying, just listening to your
words. Cause it was just very hard to hear that Bible says that we know it, but I mean,
there's always some form of insecurity somewhere, you know? So yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. And it's an, it's evidence of like, like I was mentioning earlier,
you know, self-rejection of like, I'm this thing that always has to be, um, fought and I'm always
this thing that has to be, um, uh, that has to be kind of whipped into shape or, and here's a really
big one, um, that has to be, um, restrained that I, in my natural state and very destructive to
myself and other people, and I'm not, I'm not safe. Um, and, and, uh, so there's just, just me
in my natural state. I'm just not enough. I'm always too much. I, or I feel like I'm too much
or feel I'm not enough, you know, and it depends on the day and the moment as to which one we're
feeling, but we feel both. And, um, so yeah, it just, it's just evidence of, uh, when you talked
about the fact that, oh, they were hard to listen to it's evidence of, um, that resistance, you know,
that I talk about, uh, the fact and, and understand that that resistance, and I'm just going to bring
this full circle again from the rest, uh, retreat where I was talking about this, you know,
resistance is the thing that is, what it is that we're resisting as we're resisting that we're
resisting the truth that God has spoken. We're resisting himself. We're resisting the gift that
he gave us the gifts, you know, our inheritance that he gave us. And we're just like, yeah,
but it can't be, it can't be that good. I can't be that good. I can't be that. Okay.
I can't that be that enough and, and, um, it's just really hard for us to accept.
And it was for me.
And so what I had to do, and this is why I talk so much, uh, to people about
faith and just really, really try to drive it home is because that's the
only thing that finally worked for me.
You know, all of this stuff that I talk about, these were not feelings
that suddenly came over me and then God showed up in my room and there
was like the blazing light and all my word now I know, and now I've got to
tell everybody they were things that no matter what I, or God did, I wasn't
convinced and I noticed that my life seemed to be, um, just not making
progress and didn't seem to be a meaning.
Like it didn't seem to be lining up with what the Bible said I should expect.
So the only thing that I hadn't tried, cause I read the Bible from cover to
cover to figure out what formula that I wasn't following that I'd somehow
missed that I needed to, you know, plug in, in order to get particular results
in order to get the inheritance that God said that I should be experiencing
all this great stuff, that being a Christian should be fun, that being a
Christian should be freeing and that I should be more free and have more fun
and more joy and be more at rest and less afraid and less insecure than all
the other non-believers, but they seem to be happier than me.
I'm like, okay, this doesn't make any sense.
And a lot of other Christians who didn't seem to be pursuing God as
hard as me were happier than me.
I'm like, none of this makes sense.
And so, but they were accepting things about God, at least some of them were,
maybe not all of them, but you know, we're accepting things about God and
what he said about them, whether or not subconsciously, at least subconsciously
they were just like the non-believers often do.
Um, and they were accepting things that God said to actually be true.
And I wasn't, and I kept thinking it, I kept making it too hard.
So finally, the only thing that worked that finally, that finally just broke
everything where I finally crossed the threshold and all of a sudden my life
became different was when I finally chose that it was actually all true.
And I didn't feel it.
I didn't feel that I deserved it.
I, I didn't feel that I was enough.
I just, there there's no other phrasing that I can think of other than just
to say, I chose that it was true and it felt like I was making it up.
And that's what I always try to kind of make sure everybody understands.
It really will feel like you are making it up out of your head.
And therefore, and we're not used to following anything that we make up out
of our head, at least since we were really young, because that was educated
out of us and quite honestly, it was punished out of us as well.
Don't make things up don't whatever, you know, and, and so it, it feels very
counter to what we have been relying on as, um, as a safe or responsible way to
live and, but none of the other stuff that everybody educated me on of like
the good way to live was working.
It, I knew that I could do it and get the world's success, but I wasn't
getting the success that God promised.
And I thought, well, if that's what I want, then, you know, what, how, how
can I get that because I knew that this couldn't get that, um, so anyway,
I just, I knew it could get me what the world wanted and I was like, well, I
don't want that because God's not in that, um, that's just pushing for fame
and success and relationship and comfort and, and many by, I don't know, by
myself, by working hard, by, I don't know, just following the, the, the, um,
although the formula of the kingdom of the world, I thought that that doesn't
give me peace, love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, you know, didn't
give me intimacy with God.
And those are the things that I decided that I wanted.
So, and, and experiencing God loving me, not just telling myself,
but actually experiencing it.
There was something in me that knew I was supposed to be able to experience it.
I was, it wasn't supposed to be something I had to continue to convince myself
of every day in the, in the face of, of, you know, contrary information and proof.
And I was like, something is wrong.
And, um, and all, all I had in it, in my life, at least to me were people
who were pushing this other, even the Christians and I'm like,
people, this is not going to work.
So finally, I just lay there in bed one day, in fact, in the very apartment
that my husband and I are about to move back into in Texas, I was laying
in that, in that apartment in bed.
And I was like, well, what is the, is there anything I haven't tried?
And of course it sounds nice.
Now, at the time I was adding the depths of despair.
I was bitter.
I was, I had no money.
I was having a trust alert for food.
And, um, I had, um, the most important relationships in the
world to me were, were messed up.
And, um, uh, anyway, and then none of my businesses were working or
had for the past several months.
And, um, and no one knew how bad things were for me.
And then I didn't even feel that God loved me and I never had.
And so here I am, you know?
So in the face of that, I thought, what have I not tried?
And I thought there's nothing I haven't tried.
And I don't got that.
There's nothing I haven't tried.
I thought, well, I haven't just decided that it's true.
I haven't decided yet that he loved me or that I really was enough.
And that I really was as amazing as he said that I am.
And that he really does think about me in the way that the Bible says and like
say song of Solomon or whatever.
And I just finally had to make a decision.
So, um, and I basically took ownership of, of my own faith.
I took ownership of what I was going to believe instead of
waiting for it to descend upon me.
Um, and, and therefore it wasn't, that would make it not my
responsibility in someone else's, but I had to finally take up responsibility
and just like, okay, what am I going to believe?
And that's when everything changed, but I had to make the determination.
And yeah, it does feel risky because it feels like, well, what if I
am living in complete deceit?
And I don't even have somebody else to blame for it.
I'm the one who decided it.
I mean, like you're taking on full ownership and responsibility of making a choice.
And that means that you're taking on responsibility for whatever happens as
a result of having made that choice.
What if I would discover by stepping out kind of like, as if you suddenly
believe that, oh, or are told that there's no gravity.
You know, and you like stay and they tell you to step off a roof.
You're like, well, you know, if God tells you to step off a roof and you're like,
you know, you know, I didn't know what you had been doing.
Wasn't working.
Right.
But you're willing to take that risk because it hasn't been working.
And that's how I see it too.
You know, everything that I've tried hasn't worked.
And so, yeah, God has to honor that part.
Yeah.
Yeah, because the honors, the fact that you, that you're actually not stepping
out on something that you wish were true, but you're stepping out on something that
he said, and you were believing it in the only way that you can figure out how,
because think about it, you've, you've already been trying to believe this, but
everything that you tried to, to step out on or believe about it, wasn't working.
So you now have to try this new one.
But yours, it's still what he said that you're stepping out on.
And that is amazing how God will honor that.
Even when sometimes, and that's not the case with this, but with other things in
which it's actually not true that, and you're stepping out on something that's
actually not him, if you are actually choosing it not to protect yourself, but
simply because you think that's him, there is a way in which he will add, he
will give you a protection in stepping out in that thing.
That's actually not him.
And he'll educate you that it's not him because the B simply because he honors
the fact that you're choosing it because you thought that was him.
Cause you thought that that was his character.
You thought that that's where he was.
And, uh, and so he'll, he'll show you that, well, you know, that's
actually not what I look like.
And that's not what I would do, but, um, so I'll he'll, and then you'll
gently guide you to the other thing.
But the, and so there are sometimes even certain consequences of making that
choice that we end up experiencing it.
However, in my experience, what God has always done is he's always given
me protection to make those mistakes.
So kind of like, uh, kind of like what we do with children, where children, a
child does not have to bear the full consequences of the choices that they
make while they're in their parents' home, because they, I mean, and this is
the example that I always give to this.
If, if a child, you know, falls out of a tree, you know, and breaks his arm.
Well, that's a really cheap lesson of what it's like.
If you're trying to like push the boundaries, because why, if you break
your arm, well, then your parents are the ones who take you to the doctor.
Your parents are the ones who, you know, who listened to the doctor and figure
out what you're supposed to do, and then go and get the medicine and figure out
the insurance and pay for all of the bills and sure the kid has some.
inconvenience, you know, they don't get to play, you know,
don't get to play baseball for the next few weeks, and they
have to keep their arm out of the shower, you know, while
they're taking a shower, and they have to do all this
inconvenience stuff. But instead, there's a measure of
the consequences that they have to bear, but it is nothing
compared to the full consequences of their actions,
their parents are carrying a huge load of it, God does the
same thing for us. So even when we do things, while we're
learning, God will God provides a protected environment to make
mistakes. Total side notes, throwing this in for free, and
that, that that's what leaders are supposed to do. When people
are leading in a company, and you're a manager of a group of
people, or you're a manager of like, you know, your children
or your bed, I don't know, the classroom or whatever. But I
particularly experienced this in work. That's what a leader is a
leader doesn't get to make all the micromanaging decisions and
tell everybody what to do. The manager provides a safe
environment for the people underneath them to make
mistakes. And the leader is the one who bears the consequences.
But that's perfect. So moving on. But anyway, was that helpful?
Okay, good, good. But that's why it fun. We find it hard. And
it's not going to be natural. We won't see evidence that we're
enough. You know, because there's a reason why we believe
what we do. We don't believe what we do just, I don't know,
just because we feel like it. There's reasons. It's because
there's been all this proof. And there's been no proof or not
enough proof of what God said, in our in our minds and our
experience, and we don't feel it. So, you know, and so God
says, Yeah, exactly. That's not faith. Faith is where neither of
those exist. And I tell you to Jesus anyway, because I think
so. So but even though you feel like it'll make you're making it
up. You're always choosing what God has said first, not what you
wish were true. You know, so that's very different than say
that like a law of attraction or whatever that decides to make
up what they want to be reality. And then they push forth, but
they're the originator. And so when you have faith, you're not
the originator. It's something that God said first, you're
responding to word. And that's what your faith is. They might
fail. That's fine. That's hard. And thanks for bringing that up.
I'm glad you did.
Yeah. So someone wrote and then Oh, good. So you haven't gotten
to listen to this. So yeah, just if they're helpful, they're
helpful. I think Annette said that she had something but I
don't think that if she verbalized it in her journey
share forgot she said she was going to bring it up during our
rest group. So how has this the how has the rest intensive been
for y'all as far as like, are y'all actually experiencing you
know, this actually what rest means what your life can look
like, you know, by shifting into rest in various areas and
various degrees, because remember, this is a lifestyle,
it's not a one and done thing like, Oh, we're just trying to
get to rest. Finally, we do it. And then everything's like
hanky dory. But this is this is something that we live every day
because this is what Jesus led for 33 years. He and he
continually chose the rest. In other words, he continually
chose to trust his father. And that is how he overcame and
that's how when he was a when he died and rose again, his body
was now transfigured into spirit and from the flesh into the
spirit. And so now that spirit, that spirit body that can still
eat, they can still walk through walls, you know, or that could
still eat whatever can now walk through walls. And so it could
choose when it wanted to obey the laws of the physical laws
and when it didn't. And so that body is what exists today, it
ascended, you know, which again, it's not something that a
fleshly body could do, but it is something that a spiritual body
can do. And so that's what we're doing is this is the lifestyle
of overcoming of actually taking the victory that God won,
because remember, there's nothing that we're having to
win. We're simply applying the victory that he already had.
We're choosing to believe it in various areas in various
degrees until until the the rest of creation, including our own
soul and body comes into full agreement and then reflects the
spirit.
and then transforms because remember any part of our flesh that comes into agreement with God
transforms into spirit and spirit can never die. So we're continually overcoming that.
So that's what we're doing. So this is just, this is a lifestyle, you know, and it does get,
and there's certain way in which it does get easier. Just FYI, just as an encouragement
to everyone, it does get easier because what you're doing is you're, you and the Lord are
building up an experience, a repertoire, a portfolio of faithfulness, where he's faithful,
where you will come to new degrees and new areas in which he's going to call you to have faith in
him about something. And it'll be new. Do you go, oh my word, I've never had to have faith in him
in this area, or I have in this area, but just not to this degree. But what you'll remember is
what is our history together? Our history is that he has always proven himself on the other side.
Always. Now it's always different than I could have imagined. And in many cases, it's something
that I can't ever imagine, but he always shows that some way, you know, so there's a way in
which you'll just learn to trust. Well, I don't know what it's going to be like, but he's going
to be there. I'm always going to see something about him. He's always going to show up. He's
always going to carry the day. He's always going to catch me. So he's going to whatever. So in that
aspect, it gets easier. In another aspect, it continues to stay just as hard. And I know that
that sounds really weird, but here's why. It's always still a risk. There's a reason why we're
not choosing it. It's because it's an unknown and it's a risk. It's we have to let go of this,
and we've been relying on this. And now we can't hold onto this while choosing this too. It's not,
okay, well, I'm going to keep one foot here just in case this doesn't work out. That's not possible.
You have to completely let go of this, burn the bridges, so to speak, where you've got no
opportunity to catch yourself. You're completely relying on God and God alone to catch you.
There's no plan B, none. That's the thing with faith. If there's a plan B,
if there's a plan B and what it is that you're doing, it's not actually faith. So you might as
well just not even worry about trying. If you've got yourself a plan B, okay, well, God doesn't
come through that, then it's not faith. There can be no plan B. So in that aspect, it's always just
is hard. But there are certain areas of our, because we're just still having to trust God
really is that good. Think of the Israelites. The Israelites, we watched this and we all judged it
of them going through the wilderness and like, oh my word, three days ago, God did this amazing
miracle because they were complaining and they thought they were going to die. And then they
saw this amazing thing. If I just had one of the miracles in my life, well, I would believe God for
forever. And they've only believed God for three days and now they don't believe him anymore. And
then now they're complaining again. We all judge it, but that's what we do. That's what we do with
her is it's like every time something happens, it's like every time we would come into a new
situation, especially a very difficult one, if it just requires a little bit of faith,
it's easier. But if it's something that is very important to us and that we're really,
really holding on to, or we thought God gave us, or we've got a whole doctrine built around
or whatever, and God's not telling us to have faith in something and to let this go,
you know, in those situations, it is the weirdest thing. It's like, God's never come through for me
before. I don't know what he expects me now. You know, it's like, we've got amnesia.
You know, I've experienced the same thing. I've been in those situations thinking,
this is crazy. I know I saw God do amazing things, even just yesterday. And right now they're just
not good enough to help me have faith in this new situation. I will lay there thinking, this is
weird. This is just like the Israelites. You know, I'm like talking myself through all this and I'm
still not making the choice. And I'm like, I know full well what I'm doing. Logic and psychologically
walking yourself through it won't fix it. It will not help you actually do it. You will not logically
walk yourself to a conclusion other than the fact of something like, well, I've tried everything else
and it didn't work. So how badly do I want that? You know, other than that, you know, it's there
because logic doesn't work when there's no evidence to back it up, you know, and that's what faith is.
Faith is, you know, is the evidence of things not seen. So.
Oh, you know, there's, in other words, no evidence.
So anyway, don't know how it got off on all of that, but there you go.
So, yeah, did you have a question, Rita?
Yes, finally.
I was going to say Tammy got excited because she had a party over there.
I'm like, I know, I'm like, I already get all the answers
when everybody says something, I'm like, OK, I need to do that.
But I really feel I guess I am
been avoiding because I'm like, I don't want to cry anymore.
I mean, I know, like, God is safe, but I don't want to.
I guess keep walking into that.
Into what?
Like feeling.
I guess I'm feeling that he's not safe.
No, like I don't want to cry anymore.
Yeah, I just don't want to.
Yeah. Well, part of it is
that we we get comfortable, even even when we're talking
about something like rest, you know, it's similar to what
we've been living our life this whole time, which is up to this point,
which is, you know, I want more of God.
And I but I don't want to do what is actually going to require of me.
So therefore, I'll just be content with what I've gained this far
because it's comfortable, because it won't require the stretching.
It won't require the crying.
It won't require the the actually having to to trust God
in a risky, unknown way again.
And so, no, that's very normal.
That's it.
So the thing is, we just we just have to choose what is it that we really want.
And so remember, again, you're not gaining anything more of God.
You already have it now.
God's just like, hey, look, you can stay right where you are.
You know what it is.
And and I will love you just the same.
I'll talk to you just the same.
You know, everything's great.
You know, you have everything of me, but you don't.
But you're you're limited in what you get to experience in your soul and your body.
You're getting to experience all these things in your spirit,
but you're limited in what you're getting to experience in your soul
and your body based off of what you're you're receiving of me
and no longer resist.
And so you get that.
But anything that you're still resisting, you don't get to experience.
So you still have it
and you're getting to experience it in your spirit.
But if you want to experience more of it,
then you have to do the hard thing of like facing it or trusting God
and trusting, you know, like going to when I say trust God.
I'm talking about like going to that place where and you remember us
talking about this, like especially back in October where you go.
And I mentioned it again in the rest and the rest retreat
where you come to kind of like this edge with the Lord.
And you're like, OK, now, if I go anymore, I'm definitely
don't believe that I'm safe.
And then we have to intentionally fall into that place of unsafety.
It's almost like we come to the edge of a cliff or come to the edge of a fire
and we intentionally throw ourselves in.
It's that counter.
Is that contradictory to our tendency
to do whatever we have to do to survive?
It's that hard.
But it's the one area that God wants us to cast ourselves in.
Is anything is on anything that he says
gave us that survival mode for a reason
so that we would protect ourselves against anything that's not him.
But he said he wants us to cast ourselves on him
because he'll actually be there.
We're so used to.
We're so scared of not casting ourselves into that place
because we're used to nothing being there.
But God said, I'm the exception.
I'm there and all of our experience
proves in every other area of life, that's not God.
Every other area has proved that it's not true.
But God is actually true.
Meaning like like we followers, if we if we fallen into or,
you know, any other area and we rest ourselves in any other area in life,
you know, we found out that it actually that we actually couldn't count on it.
And God's like, yeah, but I'm different.
And so it's very understandable that you don't want to do that
because your experience is that that's not safe, that you won't be caught,
that you that you won't be upheld.
But God is saying, I'm different.
And so you so experience that I'm actually different.
I'll tell you that.
But you.
actually have to trust me and experience the experience that before you'll
actually see the evidence that it's true, you're falling into it and
experiencing it means like you're, it means that you're accepting God's word.
You're receiving God's word.
And it's you receiving God's word that creates the evidence.
In other words, you'll actually start seeing it in your life.
We'll start experiencing in your life that what God said actually is true,
but you don't get that until you've chosen it first without seeing it and
you risk everything.
So that's totally up to you.
You know, what do you want to receive more of the Lord?
And, um, and then because that's what it is you're receiving, but you're not
receiving more of him, you're receiving more experience of him.
You're finally getting to experience what you wish, what it is you already
have, you're getting to learn what it is you already have.
And then you get to experience it.
You get to be taught by the Lord, how to use it, how your life gets
changed as a result of it.
So that's what you're gaining is the experience.
So I find that freeing because I'm not work because that, that takes
the work out of everything.
I'm not working for it to earn or gain more.
I already have it.
All that I'm doing is I'm choosing to shift out of, of, um, my agreement that
I'm enslaved to and choose more love and freedom, but it's, it's risky.
You know, that's why it doesn't feel good.
And that's why it's scary.
But what I gained is always, always, always without exception, without
exception, 100% guaranteed, always more love and freedom, but yeah, going
through that veil is very hard.
So, um, so anyway, just, just, I would just recommend walk your walk through
that with God and determine what you want, because if you stay where you
are, just as you are, that's fine.
Because God says you still have him.
You're not going to gain anymore, but is there something of him that you
want to get to experience some way in which you want your life to be impacted?
There's something in your spirit that, you know, in your soul that yearns for
something that you know is there and that you decide that you want bad enough in
order to do what you have to do, which is all good things, it's risking it on someone
who promises that he's, he always comes through.
Do you, do you want to do that or not?
It's really up to you, but.
Under, but you'll, what'll help you is if you feel free to not make that decision
for you to stay where you are, you're completely free and you're completely
loved and completely, you're completely fine to stay where you are, you know, you
have God, so you just decide, is there, do you want to experience more of what you
already have so that it becomes more of your life, um, you know, and whatever.
And that's, that's each of our choice.
We're not talking about, we're not talking about Christianity here.
We're not talking about whether or not you're a son of God, we're talking about
what your life is like as a son of God on earth, you know?
Um, and so that's what that is.
Not in choosing, but we're not choosing between, do you want to become a Christian?
You're already there.
You already got it.
So, but do you want more?
So there's no pressure.
It just, it's, it's, it's all, it's all a, an exciting choice that
you are given of what do you want?
Do you want more, but there's no pressure to no pressure, even from God.
There's just a yearning and desire from him that you're feeling the pull of.
But there's no pressure because you can't get any more from him.
And then you've already given you, you know, so anyway, is that helpful?
Okay.
Good.
Yeah.
Cause it's important when we're in those situations again, that we feel scared
about to remember, um, that.
It turned to just remember that there's nothing to, to fear that God's not
looking over us going, Hey, look, you're bad or why won't you, or this is not
it just, there really isn't.
We're we're not, God isn't shaming us out of where we are.
He's just draws us.
He's like, Hey, I've already given you everything.
And I wouldn't do that if I thought you were bad, you know?
So I'm definitely not going to shame you for being the
perfection that I've created you to be.
So all that there is left is to draw you to experience more of it.
So it's all supposed.
be a draw. And we're not supposed to receive that draw as pressure. We're supposed to receive
that draw in a response of, yes, I want that. So it's a, it's a, it's a pull that we get to
choose to respond to, but it's not a push from behind that we're having to resist. So, yeah.
So anyway, there's, there's no, there's no pressure. And often we find that it is easier.
Often we find what it is we truly want and what is, and what we want bad enough
and what our greatest value is when the pressure is finally off.
So one of the things that we naturally do is we resist that, which we want, if we feel there's
pressure involved, you know, like think about, for instance, like if, if your parents or a
Sunday school teacher or a, I don't know, and a regular academic teacher was pushing you towards
something when you wanted it, but then you started getting all the pressure. There's parts of you
that suddenly didn't want it anymore. And think about that's why so often people don't do what
they love to do as a hobby. They don't want to do it as a business because they think that the
joy will be taken out of it. Why? Because now pressure's added. So a lot of times people that
paint don't want to paint on commission. Don't want to, some of them don't even want to sell it.
You know, it, it just depends. Or say for instance, like they love playing the piano, but they don't
want to do it in public. Why? Because they feel that there's pressure. You know, sometimes a lot
of football players do that. A lot of football players, if they're not careful, can stop loving
the game because now that they have added pressure of being in the NFL with all these millions and
all these people watching and they got to keep up this lifestyle that they now have gotten their
wives or their kids are accustomed to all of the sudden, you know, they can, it can kill the joy
and the same thing with the Lord. You know, if we think that there's pressure, we're going to
naturally resist that, which we want. So we have to understand this is your choice. God's not making
us do anything. It's just that it's that good. And do we really want something that good?
Or do we just think that it's not that good? And we'd rather keep what we have, you know,
totally up to each one of us. So anyway, all right. So, okay, well, it is time. So I will let everyone
go. I'm looking forward to seeing y'all's journey shares this week. If y'all haven't jumped on and
see Renata and Annette, that's a really good. And I just got to watch them right before this.
So I need to go in and, and do a comment on them. So, but anyway, it's good to see y'all and I will
see y'all Tuesday night. Bye. Thanks. I'm choosing God is good. Yes. Great. I hope you sleep well.
Thank you. And he loves me unconditionally. Yes. No matter what you need to remember that too.
Thank you. Bye.