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I'm going to go ahead and get started.

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It's long. Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I don't think I ever go short again.

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Oh really.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, I am.

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Yeah.

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I think that at some point,

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the shortest stuff I've ever had was I think here,

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and that was when it was permed. So, you know,

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that means it's long.

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Cause then permed like really tight.

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Brings it about right here.

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And, but the point is that it would just,

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it was just worn in style here. So it felt.

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Weird.

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Okay. Sorry. She's.

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Diana was just messaging us.

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Yeah.

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And then,

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and then I was talking to Ed about a particular style that I found is

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that, Hey, well, you know,

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When we'll be older, you know, and have kids and stuff, you know,

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what do you think about, about this style? And he was like, no,

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don't ever get your hair.

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You don't don't ever do.

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And I was like, well, you know,

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I'm not doing that now.

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But I went later. He's like, no.

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Why, why, why, why would you do that?

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Guys just like long hair.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah. And I don't remember who we were with.

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We were with some people.

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Recently.

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And they were talking about hair.

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And his wife's long hair. And he was like, I know.

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You should never cut your hair.

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And I was like, see.

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So anyway.

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So it'll probably be log for a while, which I'm happy with.

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Cause I prefer.

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Long hair in that I got it cut a little too short last October.

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So I got my hair done a couple of.

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Yesterday.

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Was it no day before yesterday? I got it.

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I got it.

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And then day before yesterday, cut and colored.

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About back to get more of my normal.

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Colors.

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Feeling a bit more like myself.

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Oh,

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Hey, Tammy.

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In the dark.

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I'm driving in the car.

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Late night snack run to Brahms.

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Get some ice cream and some Moscato.

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That sounds fun.

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That sounds fun.

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Over the ice cream.

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No.

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Talking to his friend.

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He was like, if I ate that at the same time,

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it I'd be in the bathroom.

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I don't know.

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Your stomach can handle, you know,

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I don't know.

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Women's.

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Maybe not.

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I was going to say,

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I think that women's can handle more rich things,

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but that may not women's stomachs, but that may not be true.

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Maybe.

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I don't know.

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I know that mine can handle more rich things than Ed's can. So anyway.

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Yeah.

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So I was just wondering if maybe it was the same.

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Yes, I can. It's good.

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I was just wondering if it was a full spectrum of God's creation.

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Okay.

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That's right.

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Oh, okay. So it was related to lactose.

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I thought it was just a richness.

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Oh, okay.

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Yeah.

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Well, so how is everyone doing?

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Any updates or questions or anything?

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I will let you go first.

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I think she was her being the other.

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Yeah.

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I do have a question.

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Is it possible that since I'm not getting like.

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Really.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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And I know he gets to present himself, however you want.

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But.

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Are you wondering if something's wrong?

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Yeah.

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I mean, I still experience him.

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I guess definitely in nature and stuff like that. I enjoy.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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When I'm sitting down and intentional and just trying to.

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Connect that way.

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I still don't get it.

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Yeah.

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Okay, so let me, I'm trying to think about where I could, where I could start.

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So one of the things is that God interacts with each of us differently.

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So, and, and, you know, this, I'm just, you know, reminding you of it in this

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context, like for instance, some people see in the spirit and I, but then even the

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people that see in the spirit all see differently.

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So some people like see, see angels and, and, and fallen angels, and then, and

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then they'll see like the angels, like pouring oil over somebody's head.

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And like, they can, they can see this whole spectrum of, of stuff in the spirit.

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And then there are others who see in the spirit and are just like,

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like, like for instance, my husband, the way that Ed sees is he's just kind of

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like, he's looking off and he starts seeing stuff and he's trying to figure

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out what he's seeing because sometimes he it's, it's, it's more like a

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knowing really than a seeing.

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And, but the knowing is so strong that it's, he feels as if he's seeing it.

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And so he'll word it like that.

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He's like, what I see is da, da, da, da, da.

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And a lot of times he seems like picture, he sees pictures or he'll see, Hey, I

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see that you have something over there on your right shoulder that's like, got

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a, got a whole, you know, cause like the person's talking about something that's

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got a hold of them or whatever.

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And I was like, yeah, it's right here.

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Or he'll, and he can sense it in the end.

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He refers to it as, as seeing because it's that strong.

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It's as if he can actually see it.

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And, and, but then me on the other hand, I don't usually, I haven't

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historically seen like that.

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My interactions with the Lord are things like, well, I'm not trying to confuse

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things when I'm talking about like all these other things that people see.

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I am trying to relate that to the Lord.

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So just bear with me just a second.

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One of the things, ways in which that I say that I'll, I'll see something

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is I just know things about people.

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Like I'll meet them, especially if I meet them.

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Sometimes if I shake their hand, if I, whatever it's like, I suddenly know

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things, I don't know things about everybody that I meet, but I get a sense

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of things, sometimes I know things from their, from their past, but it's, but

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it's usually something about like things that they're struggling with.

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Sometimes I don't know how to articulate it, but sometimes I can tell, oh, they're

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struggling with this or they are, they're battling, they're battling this, or they

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have very low self-esteem or whatever.

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And I can know it by seeing them across the room, not everyone, but enough

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where it's very normal for me.

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It's very common.

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And it's what is one of the ways in which I operate in a way that I hope is very

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helpful and has proven to be very fruitful in the rest intensive, but I can start

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knowing things about things, areas in which people are struggling and begin to

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talk to those areas and people don't even know that I know anything.

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And they don't even know that I know that they're struggling in this

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particular area that I can see it.

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And that's how I refer to it.

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So anyway, my point is comparing that to our interaction with the Lord.

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We all have different, see, that is a form of, of, of a, in a way of his

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communicating with us and it's all different and we can't say that, oh, well,

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because I don't see angels and, and, and, you know, them pouring oil over so-and-so

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over there, and then I see them battling this fallen angel over here doesn't mean

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that I'm not, uh, that God doesn't love me or that he's not connecting with me or

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that I can't have any like, um, that he wouldn't reveal things to me just because

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it's not taking a particular form that, uh, that affects my spiritual sense.

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So, you know, you've got the five senses of like, you know, you sigh and touch

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and hearing and smell and all of that.

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Well, we have those in the spirit as well, which is how we're able to say,

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I see this or I feel this or whatever.

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We don't always necessarily feel it in our body, but we feel it in the spirit

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or we see it in the spirit or we, or we touch it or we taste it or whatever.

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And we're, it's all in the spirit.

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So God will interact with those five senses of ours in the spirit in a way

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for a, in a way for, in which he can communicate with us, but he doesn't

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do it the same way with everyone.

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So some people feel in some people, some people smell some people, whatever.

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So if you have a really neat experience in which you felt God in a very strong

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way, all my goodness, she felt his presence and whatever, there are people

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who feel his presence a lot more than I do a lot more.

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Oh my word.

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And so I always wanted to be able to.

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So my point is to create all of that context, to be able to say that you

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are experiencing him and can experience more of him, but it's in a particular

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way that he's chosen, and if you're looking for it in this particular way,

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but he's revealing himself in this way, and you don't know to think

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of this as feeling him, you're looking for.

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him here or experiencing him here because you've had a particular type of experience in which

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it really, it was very obvious to you, oh I can, this is what I was wanting, this is what I was

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hoping for or whatever, but a lot of times God will give us those really neat experiences to

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let us know, hey look, I have heard you, I really am there, I really am faithful, I really do exist,

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you really do matter to me or whatever, but then he tries to draw our attention to

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another way in which he wants to communicate with us that is not so obvious to you.

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It doesn't just slap you in the face and be like, oh yeah, I know that, it's more like a

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getting to know a particular type of interaction between you and God and then when your eyes become

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open to it, in other words, you become aware of it, that's what I mean, you become aware of it in

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whatever way that it's being presented to you in like one of those senses, like would it be a

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feeling, would it be a knowing, would it be a seeing, whatever God intends for that to be,

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when it becomes obvious to you or when you finally understand it, then you're like, oh,

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now you know a bit more of what to watch for, but right now it's like, God, where are you?

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So he is talking to you, he is communicating with you, he is touching you, he is presenting himself

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in a way, he's expressing himself in a way that you can interact with and you can experience, but for

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you, you're wondering where is that and so it may not be in the form that a lot of

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other people discuss, oh, well, I saw this angel and I saw Jesus and Jesus came and he did this

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and he was standing at the foot of my bed and he did this and he touched me and then my arm felt

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really hot and or he gave me these amazing and he gives me these amazing dreams

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every night and he takes me to heaven and he does this and he does that, you may not have experiences

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that match other people's stories because you're hearing other, because if you're like me, you hear

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other people's stories and you're looking in your own life and you're going, I don't have any of that,

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I've never experienced that or that or that, so something's wrong with me and it's not, it just

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means that that is how God is presenting it to them and they got it. Some of it we all look

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at and we're going, oh my word, that's so obvious, of course the Lord, you know, of course they would get it,

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but other things, if we really do think about some of their stories, I mean like really

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think about it, especially if they articulate it in a particular way, you would be like, well how did

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they know that was God or how would I know to recognize that, you know, and know that that was God

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and but they figured it out, kind of like when you, how you had to learn that, what it felt like for God

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to talk to you, oh that's my spirit talking, that's God versus, oh that wasn't God, you know, if you're

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asking him a question, Lord should I take this job, should I not take this job or whatever,

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and you're waiting for God to speak, you had to learn that that was him, that when you hear it

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in a particular way, oh that's God, that's the spirit, that's whatever, versus you disregarding

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it and thinking, oh no, that was probably me or that was probably Satan or that was probably the voice of

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an old voice of my mom or my dad talking, you know, in my head or whatever, you had to learn to recognize

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it. It's the same way when we want to experience God in other ways, like experiencing him similar to

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like what you were talking about, that you had experienced when you first asked the Lord, you know,

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to come to you and ask Jesus to reveal himself and you had this great experience, he'll usually, when

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we first ask him about things, a lot of times he'll present himself in this amazing way to let us know,

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hey you're on the right track, you're in the right direction, I really am hearing you, in order to

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give us encouragement, but it may not be the way that he always presents himself. So I have all, I've

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had some really neat experiences with the Lord, but I haven't, I don't continue, I have learned to not

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continue to pursue that same form, like okay well when's the next time he's going to show up

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like that, when's the next time or whatever, because then I get discouraged and disappointed and then I

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start using those really neat experiences and accusation against God, God why aren't you doing

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it anymore, have you stopped loving me, have you stopped thinking, you know, have I done something

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wrong, have I turned it off, have I, you know, whatever, and he's just like, no I just, I am, look for me,

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you know, and so I just ask, so I choose, so what I've noticed is I see God more because I

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rec, I more easily recognize him when he shows up.

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If I'm looking for him, not a particular type of experience with him.

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Where I'm just like, okay, it's almost like I'm more open.

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Okay.

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It's more like I'm more open to.

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And how would you phrase that?

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That I can because I am not in resistance by looking for something specific.

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Like resistance to a particular type of experience or a particular way that

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God could be revealing it to me.

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And self to me because I'm not resisting it because I'm looking for

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something else.

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Then, and I'm in fact,

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because I'm just looking for God and I'm just open because I'm open.

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Then I'm more than the Lord can more easily.

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Reveal to me how he's talking to me, how he's showing up.

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So I can actually feel a connection with him.

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Through a particular type of experience.

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Because I'm not looking for the experience.

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I'm just looking for him and I'm just wondering, okay,

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where's he showing up?

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Then I end up.

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I end up.

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So my particular relationship with the Lord.

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Is not built off of experiences with him.

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The majority of my relationship with the Lord is built off of.

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Faith.

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That then allowed me to, you know,

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belief that something was true when I wasn't used to experiencing it or

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seeing it or whatever.

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And then.

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Understanding how, and then just.

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See.

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How would you phrase that? Like, then I would begin to.

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More readily feel connection with God.

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Through particular situations that would happen.

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So, you know,

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one of the things that I talk to a lot of people about.

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On the rest intensive is to look for the Lord like that.

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Because people that can see in the spirit as a lot of.

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People that can see in the spirit, you know,

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like angels and demons and they can do all of that stuff.

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And I'm just using that as an example.

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I'm just using that as an example,

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because I think it's really important to understand that.

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Those experiences are not usual.

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In other words, it's the minority,

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but because they're cool and flashy experiences.

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A lot of times.

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Those are people that end up speaking about it.

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You know,

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when they feel like liquid honey pouring over them and they feel

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absolute, you know, love and protection and whatever from the Lord.

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When, when, from my experience, anyway,

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the majority of the Christians that I've run into.

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Have had to have their faith.

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Have had to have their relationship with the Lord.

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And their experiences.

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So much on faith.

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So much on faith.

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In fact, there is a particular teacher.

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I won't mention their name.

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It is possible that you've heard of them, I'm not sure.

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If you haven't,

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they're like really close friends with somebody else that I know 100%

301
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for sure that you, that, you know, their name of,

302
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and they all kind of run in the same circles.

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And this person was told how to, is one of the people I'm talking about.

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Amazing experiences with the Lord ever since they were little,

305
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like a tiny child. So they know no different.

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And then one of their mentors in the faith,

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who's much beyond that person and what they see and everything,

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even they knew to tell them, Hey, look,

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You've got to exercise your faith because your relationship with the Lord

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has been built off of all these experiences that you've had.

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Because for you, it's just so obvious.

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You see these things in the spirit.

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You can do all kinds of things in the spirit,

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but you don't know how to have faith in your God.

315
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When you don't feel it.

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And that's the majority of the, of the strength and the exercise that people

317
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like you and I.

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You know, usually have to have our relationship with the Lord built on.

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So anyway, I just want to let you know.

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You're normal.

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That, that what you're, what you're going through.

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Isn't, isn't abnormal.

323
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It's normal.

324
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It's normal.

325
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It's normal.

326
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It's normal.

327
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It's normal.

328
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It's normal.

329
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It's normal.

330
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It's normal.

331
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It's normal.

332
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It's normal.

333
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It's normal.

334
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It's normal.

335
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It's normal.

336
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It's normal.

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If that's what you have to overcome, that that struggle is what you have to overcome by faith

338
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and just choose, hey God, I choose you over this. And then to look for, okay God, how are you

339
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expressing yourself to me? And here's the really cool thing. The more that you do that, the more

340
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sensitive that you will be to seeing and experiencing God. Because right now, if it's

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unfamiliar to you and your unique way in which you and God connect. And by connect, I don't just

342
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mean he's talking to you. I mean you feel a connection. It's something in which you base your,

343
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I don't know, your connection with God is you know him like a being. You feel him as a being.

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Not like this concept that you're supposed to believe in and then this arbitrary idea of a

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father out there who like tells you what to do. But like you really feel a connection with the

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being. You'll become much more sensitive to certain to the way that God is choosing to

347
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connect with you. And that connection will be the way through which you will feel him. You will feel

348
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loved. You will feel protected as opposed to you know some kind of an experience of like, oh my

349
00:21:15.280 --> 00:21:20.080
word, he came and it was just so obvious. And then I just felt like this liquid you know love or I felt

350
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like this cocoon or whatever. You will feel loved. You will feel protected. But it'll just kind of

351
00:21:26.480 --> 00:21:32.320
take on a bit of a different. It will just be in your own, in yours and God's own unique way. So

352
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there's nothing wrong with you. But so yours is a very normal experience. Is that sometimes you see

353
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and sometimes you don't. Also just one more thing I'm going to mention. Some of the, I'm not sure

354
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who you listen to and what kind of teachers you follow. But just FYI, I've been in different

355
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circles. And some of these circles are want so badly to have the experiences that their teachers

356
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have. That they take things that at least from my, from my what I believe and having been in those

357
00:22:05.120 --> 00:22:11.520
circles. Some of what they think that they're experiencing really isn't God. I'm not saying

358
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it's demons. I'm saying it's the air conditioner that blew by and gave them goosebumps. Not an

359
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angel that they felt. And trust me there it's hard to describe. It's like, like I was telling you

360
00:22:25.280 --> 00:22:30.640
earlier that there are certain things that I can know when I interact with people. I can start

361
00:22:30.640 --> 00:22:36.400
telling which ones are genuine and which ones aren't. And I don't know fully you know who is

362
00:22:36.400 --> 00:22:40.560
sometimes. There's actually for me a lot of questions like I don't know about them. And you

363
00:22:40.560 --> 00:22:44.640
know my husband and I'll talk. I'm not really sure. But then there are others that's kind of like,

364
00:22:45.840 --> 00:22:52.320
no, no, no, no. That's just not real. But they want so badly for it to be true. So my whole

365
00:22:52.320 --> 00:22:56.240
point is these people all get together in a room. And all get together to listen to a teacher. And

366
00:22:56.240 --> 00:23:02.320
they all talk at these conferences about their experiences. And quite honestly some of it isn't

367
00:23:02.320 --> 00:23:08.880
genuine. Some of it isn't, isn't the Lord. But they all want so badly for it to be true. So my point

368
00:23:08.880 --> 00:23:13.840
is it can make it feel when you're in in groups like that. Or when you listen to teachers like

369
00:23:13.840 --> 00:23:20.240
that. That they all have something that you're missing out on. And what you have to do is you

370
00:23:20.240 --> 00:23:26.560
have to choose. No, I'm choosing God not to experience him. And a lot of those people are

371
00:23:26.560 --> 00:23:31.920
chasing an experience. And then it'll also. And I wasn't even necessarily talking about charismatics.

372
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But within the charismatic realm you know which is totally different from the group of people I

373
00:23:35.440 --> 00:23:41.520
was talking about. But in the charismatic realm there's also people that chase experience for the

374
00:23:41.520 --> 00:23:47.040
sake of experience. And we can all talk about the fact that we don't want to be like that.

375
00:23:47.040 --> 00:23:52.160
But quite honestly if we don't feel loved we have we really struggle with the Lord to believe that

376
00:23:52.160 --> 00:23:59.360
we are. And so let's you know just I'll be honest about that. So the thing is we do want experiences.

377
00:23:59.360 --> 00:24:04.880
But that's why I talk about faith as much as I do in the rest intensive. Is that as much as we've

378
00:24:04.880 --> 00:24:10.800
chased experiences it hasn't gotten us anywhere. It'll either keep us immature because that's all

379
00:24:10.800 --> 00:24:16.080
God will give us is experiences. Because we refuse to pursue him for anything else. Or in his

380
00:24:16.080 --> 00:24:22.800
graciousness we don't experience the experiences which forces us then in our absolute desperation

381
00:24:22.800 --> 00:24:29.680
to connect as a child with our father that we were born to need. He will in his graciousness

382
00:24:29.680 --> 00:24:39.920
allow us to that he will reveal that hey you need to choose me by faith. And then when you

383
00:24:39.920 --> 00:24:46.240
choose me I will actually give you more of me because you chose me without me proving myself

384
00:24:46.240 --> 00:24:52.320
to you first. Without me giving you an experience or whatever. You will actually get more of God

385
00:24:52.320 --> 00:24:59.040
that way. I know it's hard because then it's like all faith on the front end.

386
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.440
with no, sometimes no experience,

387
00:25:02.440 --> 00:25:05.220
but the cool thing is you do get more of God

388
00:25:05.220 --> 00:25:09.360
because he feels that he can entrust himself with you

389
00:25:09.360 --> 00:25:13.160
and to you, and so he'll actually give you himself.

390
00:25:13.160 --> 00:25:15.640
So, which is actually himself,

391
00:25:15.640 --> 00:25:20.640
not a particular feeling.

392
00:25:23.680 --> 00:25:26.600
Sorry, I don't know why I'm all of a sudden

393
00:25:26.600 --> 00:25:28.280
getting all of these messages,

394
00:25:28.280 --> 00:25:32.240
but anyway, so does that help?

395
00:25:33.280 --> 00:25:37.640
Yeah, yeah, I just, I guess I wanna,

396
00:25:37.640 --> 00:25:42.640
I guess feel him more, but I feel like I am choosing him,

397
00:25:43.280 --> 00:25:46.880
but yeah, no, I understand.

398
00:25:47.880 --> 00:25:51.320
Yeah, so, and you can obviously hold that before the Lord.

399
00:25:51.320 --> 00:25:54.840
There's nothing wrong with you wanting things.

400
00:25:54.840 --> 00:25:57.660
I was just trying to make you, encourage you

401
00:25:57.660 --> 00:25:59.500
so that you know it was normal,

402
00:25:59.500 --> 00:26:01.500
so that you know your experience

403
00:26:01.500 --> 00:26:05.100
is the normal human experience.

404
00:26:05.100 --> 00:26:07.660
Sure, God gives, just like for instance,

405
00:26:07.660 --> 00:26:09.740
God gives the prophecy to some,

406
00:26:09.740 --> 00:26:11.940
and teachers to some, and evangelists to some.

407
00:26:11.940 --> 00:26:13.900
He gives the gifts of the spirit to,

408
00:26:13.900 --> 00:26:17.100
or the, not the gifts of the spirit,

409
00:26:17.100 --> 00:26:21.840
but like the, he gives gifts and roles of the offices

410
00:26:21.840 --> 00:26:23.420
to various people.

411
00:26:23.420 --> 00:26:25.940
He just doesn't interact with us all the same way,

412
00:26:25.940 --> 00:26:29.860
and what it is that you are wanting,

413
00:26:29.860 --> 00:26:34.500
but not feeling like you're getting is normal.

414
00:26:34.500 --> 00:26:36.620
So therefore, if that's normal,

415
00:26:36.620 --> 00:26:39.540
and God says he wants to connect with us,

416
00:26:39.540 --> 00:26:41.780
but we're not feeling the connection,

417
00:26:41.780 --> 00:26:43.420
and we're not getting the experience

418
00:26:43.420 --> 00:26:46.000
that other people have connected with God about,

419
00:26:46.000 --> 00:26:50.560
there must be something that we just haven't seen yet.

420
00:26:50.560 --> 00:26:53.860
We haven't been, that God, you know,

421
00:26:53.860 --> 00:26:57.480
is willing to, and open to, you know, revealing to us.

422
00:26:59.140 --> 00:27:04.140
And so it doesn't mean that God's denying you something,

423
00:27:04.700 --> 00:27:09.620
but it just means that there's something that you can,

424
00:27:09.620 --> 00:27:11.060
I don't know that there's,

425
00:27:11.060 --> 00:27:14.500
that there is something out there for you to have,

426
00:27:14.500 --> 00:27:17.260
and, but the important thing is

427
00:27:17.260 --> 00:27:21.340
to not want something to such a point

428
00:27:21.380 --> 00:27:24.860
where there's actual resentment or accusation

429
00:27:24.860 --> 00:27:27.740
in our hearts building up to the Lord

430
00:27:27.740 --> 00:27:30.580
because we don't have a particular thing.

431
00:27:30.580 --> 00:27:33.060
Then that's creating resistance

432
00:27:33.060 --> 00:27:36.940
to actually experiencing in where he is revealing himself.

433
00:27:36.940 --> 00:27:39.360
Because I promise you he's revealing himself

434
00:27:39.360 --> 00:27:41.760
because he wants you to know him

435
00:27:41.760 --> 00:27:44.900
a gazillion times more than you want to.

436
00:27:44.900 --> 00:27:47.220
So he's made a way, and he's always doing it.

437
00:27:47.220 --> 00:27:49.980
My goodness, if he's united himself with you,

438
00:27:49.980 --> 00:27:51.780
and then so much of our lives,

439
00:27:51.780 --> 00:27:54.980
we actually don't even operate as if we're united,

440
00:27:54.980 --> 00:27:57.460
even though we are, I mean, if he,

441
00:27:57.460 --> 00:28:01.320
then it means that he's wanting it so much more than we are

442
00:28:01.320 --> 00:28:05.140
because he makes it happen while we're at rest.

443
00:28:05.140 --> 00:28:07.220
In other words, where we weren't even part,

444
00:28:07.220 --> 00:28:09.860
we weren't even the second party of the covenant,

445
00:28:09.860 --> 00:28:11.660
we just benefited from it.

446
00:28:11.660 --> 00:28:15.560
So he wants it more than you do.

447
00:28:15.560 --> 00:28:17.580
It's not that you're asking him for something

448
00:28:17.580 --> 00:28:19.580
that you hope he's gonna grant.

449
00:28:20.140 --> 00:28:22.220
He's actually literally already doing it.

450
00:28:22.220 --> 00:28:27.220
So if you choose that God is so good to you

451
00:28:27.540 --> 00:28:30.980
and loves you so much that it's there and it's open,

452
00:28:30.980 --> 00:28:34.620
then there's nothing but excitement, adventure,

453
00:28:34.620 --> 00:28:38.880
and anticipation that builds up of, okay, well, where is it?

454
00:28:38.880 --> 00:28:40.940
There's expectation.

455
00:28:40.940 --> 00:28:42.940
But then it's an adventure in the fact that,

456
00:28:42.940 --> 00:28:45.380
okay, well, how is it gonna happen?

457
00:28:45.380 --> 00:28:47.060
How's it gonna manifest?

458
00:28:47.060 --> 00:28:51.380
Just whatever, as opposed to, oh, it hasn't happened yet.

459
00:28:51.380 --> 00:28:54.540
And it happens to other people and it hasn't happened to me.

460
00:28:54.540 --> 00:28:56.540
There are things that I'm holding before the Lord

461
00:28:56.540 --> 00:28:58.840
and that I've been holding before the Lord for a while.

462
00:28:58.840 --> 00:29:01.460
In fact, there's even something that he told me.

463
00:29:01.460 --> 00:29:04.020
I told him, Lord, I really wanna know,

464
00:29:04.020 --> 00:29:06.780
I think I may have mentioned this story at one point.

465
00:29:06.780 --> 00:29:09.580
I told him, I really want to be able to see angels, Lord.

466
00:29:09.580 --> 00:29:13.380
Other people see angels and they see the spirit realm,

467
00:29:13.380 --> 00:29:16.220
not just angels, but just the spirit realm.

468
00:29:16.220 --> 00:29:18.180
I wanna be able to see that, Lord.

469
00:29:18.180 --> 00:29:20.860
And I just told him, I said, Lord,

470
00:29:20.860 --> 00:29:23.440
that is truly something that I really desire.

471
00:29:23.440 --> 00:29:24.540
Well, a few days later,

472
00:29:24.540 --> 00:29:29.540
some man that I had never met before was praying over me.

473
00:29:29.700 --> 00:29:31.900
He knew nothing about me except my name

474
00:29:31.900 --> 00:29:33.140
because that was very purposeful.

475
00:29:33.140 --> 00:29:35.540
I was in like a prophetic at a table

476
00:29:35.540 --> 00:29:40.540
where three people were seeking the Lord to ask him,

477
00:29:42.100 --> 00:29:44.780
for some words of encouragement for me.

478
00:29:45.780 --> 00:29:47.220
I'd never seen these people before.

479
00:29:47.220 --> 00:29:49.940
I sat down, they said, we wanna know your name,

480
00:29:49.940 --> 00:29:51.540
but we don't want anything else.

481
00:29:51.540 --> 00:29:53.820
We don't even want you to give us feedback

482
00:29:53.820 --> 00:29:56.860
or a nod or an affirmation or anything about,

483
00:29:56.860 --> 00:29:58.940
in response to anything that we say.

484
00:29:58.940 --> 00:30:00.300
We're just gonna tell you.

485
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.040
What we hear, you can record it, but we don't want any feedback from you about,

486
00:30:05.060 --> 00:30:08.060
about how on the money or not on the money.

487
00:30:08.060 --> 00:30:10.320
Any of these words are, we just want you to receive them.

488
00:30:10.320 --> 00:30:10.920
It's like, okay.

489
00:30:11.240 --> 00:30:15.760
And one of the guys said, you said the Lord says, cause they were mentioning

490
00:30:15.760 --> 00:30:17.960
different words and whatever, while they were seeking the Lord.

491
00:30:17.960 --> 00:30:21.560
And then finally this one guy, you know, picked up his head and he said, you

492
00:30:21.560 --> 00:30:24.720
know, from praying and talking to the Lord and you said, the Lord says that

493
00:30:24.720 --> 00:30:28.840
you've asked to see angels and the Lord says, you're going to, it's like, I

494
00:30:29.800 --> 00:30:31.000
That was two years ago.

495
00:30:32.680 --> 00:30:33.600
It still has it.

496
00:30:33.600 --> 00:30:40.040
So, so the thing is, I'm like, okay, I had a, I get, I put in a petition few

497
00:30:40.040 --> 00:30:42.720
days later from a complete stranger.

498
00:30:43.280 --> 00:30:45.200
He affirmed that I was going to.

499
00:30:45.680 --> 00:30:47.280
I'm like, okay, Lord, when will it be?

500
00:30:47.640 --> 00:30:52.920
So, um, so it's, but I, and I, and I've told him about it many times, okay,

501
00:30:52.920 --> 00:30:57.240
Lord, I mean, I'm anticipating it and I'm excited, but I can't hold it in

502
00:30:57.240 --> 00:30:59.160
accusation of Lord, why not yet?

503
00:30:59.800 --> 00:31:01.960
You even promised this to me.

504
00:31:02.480 --> 00:31:07.840
It's more like, okay, Lord, because I choose that he's, I choose that what it

505
00:31:07.840 --> 00:31:11.840
is that I live in is a life and an experience in which my God is good.

506
00:31:12.200 --> 00:31:15.520
And I have been chosen, meaning like I'm a, I'm a chosen child.

507
00:31:15.520 --> 00:31:18.560
I don't mean like chosen, like Calvinistic view of like, well, God

508
00:31:18.560 --> 00:31:21.040
chooses some people for heaven and he chooses some people for hell.

509
00:31:21.040 --> 00:31:21.840
I don't mean that.

510
00:31:22.120 --> 00:31:25.600
I just mean he created me and he chose me to be a son.

511
00:31:25.600 --> 00:31:29.280
I was like purposefully thought of purposefully created

512
00:31:29.280 --> 00:31:30.680
before the creation of the world.

513
00:31:31.120 --> 00:31:34.920
It's like, well, and so I just choose that my God is always good.

514
00:31:35.160 --> 00:31:36.480
He's always love.

515
00:31:36.680 --> 00:31:38.160
It's always positive.

516
00:31:38.480 --> 00:31:39.960
It's always forward moving.

517
00:31:40.160 --> 00:31:41.840
It's always, it's always bigger.

518
00:31:41.840 --> 00:31:43.080
It's always more freedom.

519
00:31:43.600 --> 00:31:50.000
And then I'm just learning to actually see and experience what that

520
00:31:50.000 --> 00:31:51.920
actually looks like in reality.

521
00:31:52.320 --> 00:31:56.200
As opposed to deciding that I know what openness looks like.

522
00:31:56.560 --> 00:31:59.080
And so I'm wondering why God hasn't done it yet.

523
00:31:59.520 --> 00:32:03.680
If God says that all these things are true, I'm like, okay, so how is that?

524
00:32:04.160 --> 00:32:05.360
So where is that?

525
00:32:06.360 --> 00:32:09.520
And I'm the same thing with like these promises that, you know, that he's given

526
00:32:09.520 --> 00:32:12.400
us of like how we can experience him, et cetera.

527
00:32:12.400 --> 00:32:15.680
So anyway, I don't, I can't hold these accusations against him of like,

528
00:32:16.160 --> 00:32:18.360
God, why am I not feeling this way?

529
00:32:18.600 --> 00:32:25.560
Like for instance, I don't, I don't, I haven't felt like felt in like a, like

530
00:32:25.560 --> 00:32:31.200
a really overwhelming, uh, the overwhelming love of God for, um, like

531
00:32:31.200 --> 00:32:35.880
in a major way, I haven't felt it probably since, I don't know, the early

532
00:32:35.880 --> 00:32:43.120
part of 2021, and yet I know that he loves me because I have a particular

533
00:32:43.120 --> 00:32:46.640
type of connection with him because of how he's chosen to reveal himself.

534
00:32:47.160 --> 00:32:50.680
He chose to reveal himself to me in a very unique way where I feel the

535
00:32:50.680 --> 00:32:54.320
connection, I, I sense, I don't know.

536
00:32:54.320 --> 00:32:57.360
I just, I sense his, his, um, his goodness.

537
00:32:57.360 --> 00:33:00.320
I sense his love, but it's because I'm looking for him.

538
00:33:00.640 --> 00:33:04.600
And when I'm looking for him, he'll show me where he is because I

539
00:33:04.600 --> 00:33:06.800
don't know how to ask for an unknown.

540
00:33:06.880 --> 00:33:08.400
I didn't know how to ask for something.

541
00:33:08.400 --> 00:33:09.440
I've never seen.

542
00:33:10.280 --> 00:33:15.520
I'm not, I, if I've never seen his love and how big it is and what it really

543
00:33:15.520 --> 00:33:19.560
truly looks like, I don't know how to ask for it if I've never seen it.

544
00:33:19.560 --> 00:33:21.120
So I just like, okay, I'm just open.

545
00:33:21.120 --> 00:33:21.480
What is it?

546
00:33:21.480 --> 00:33:22.520
What does your love look like?

547
00:33:22.520 --> 00:33:23.280
You say it's love.

548
00:33:23.280 --> 00:33:23.880
What is it?

549
00:33:23.880 --> 00:33:24.360
It's love.

550
00:33:24.360 --> 00:33:25.360
What is that thing?

551
00:33:26.240 --> 00:33:30.520
And so anyway, the more that I do that, the more that he reveals it.

552
00:33:30.640 --> 00:33:34.520
And then that's where I feel my connection, where I don't doubt so much.

553
00:33:34.840 --> 00:33:38.040
I'm not saying I don't ever, I'm just saying very generally, because I know

554
00:33:38.040 --> 00:33:40.880
what I, how I used to live life and just never believed that I was just

555
00:33:40.880 --> 00:33:44.040
loved by the Lord, except for like very unique mountaintop moments.

556
00:33:44.640 --> 00:33:46.600
And now it's the opposite.

557
00:33:46.640 --> 00:33:50.880
It's, I usually feel loved by the Lord and I very rarely don't.

558
00:33:51.600 --> 00:33:54.120
And it's not because I feel anything.

559
00:33:54.120 --> 00:33:58.880
I don't feel his is like presence and like liquid honey and whatever.

560
00:33:58.880 --> 00:34:02.960
It's that whatever unique connection that he built with me, where I knew to,

561
00:34:03.160 --> 00:34:05.440
where he revealed, Hey, Ashley, I talked to you like this.

562
00:34:05.880 --> 00:34:07.400
That's how I always feel.

563
00:34:07.400 --> 00:34:08.040
It's there.

564
00:34:08.880 --> 00:34:11.920
I wish I don't even know how to describe it better than that.

565
00:34:11.920 --> 00:34:14.800
Cause quite honestly, I've never articulated this to anybody before.

566
00:34:15.280 --> 00:34:22.760
Um, but, uh, but so just look for, just, just seek him, look for him, push,

567
00:34:23.080 --> 00:34:26.679
uh, not push, um, no ask him.

568
00:34:27.400 --> 00:34:34.719
And then, and then just, uh, just kind of like wait with expectation, anticipation,

569
00:34:35.120 --> 00:34:39.400
expect it, you know, be looking for it and know that it's there and that you're

570
00:34:39.400 --> 00:34:45.159
just waiting to see it and expect to see it every, at least, you know, every day.

571
00:34:45.719 --> 00:34:48.400
And then, and then you'll get to the point where you'll expect to see it

572
00:34:48.760 --> 00:34:51.440
multiple times throughout the day and it'll get, and then you'll get to the

573
00:34:51.440 --> 00:34:54.760
point where you expect to see it all the time, like all the time, all day long,

574
00:34:55.320 --> 00:34:59.160
whatever, but the Lord's going to have to reveal to you what that actually looks

575
00:34:59.160 --> 00:35:00.000
like for me.

576
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.960
Yeah, I've, I've learned to just, um, see him, see his love and how people

577
00:35:05.320 --> 00:35:09.640
interact with me, how people respond to me, the fact that, um, I don't know

578
00:35:09.640 --> 00:35:14.480
why called and immediately I got the, the, uh, the call rep without having

579
00:35:14.480 --> 00:35:17.900
to wait longer than like 30 seconds.

580
00:35:17.900 --> 00:35:19.000
I'm like, Oh my word.

581
00:35:19.000 --> 00:35:20.320
That was really sweet of you, Laura.

582
00:35:20.320 --> 00:35:21.320
You know, that's so cool.

583
00:35:21.720 --> 00:35:27.520
I see the Lord in those kinds of things that he's just always, I don't know.

584
00:35:27.600 --> 00:35:30.480
It's not that he always makes everything just like easy, but he's

585
00:35:30.480 --> 00:35:32.720
like, he actually, I'm for you.

586
00:35:33.200 --> 00:35:34.800
So let's live life together.

587
00:35:34.800 --> 00:35:38.320
Not me making life easy for you.

588
00:35:38.320 --> 00:35:40.080
Like just moving things out of the way.

589
00:35:40.400 --> 00:35:42.520
It's like, let's live life together.

590
00:35:42.520 --> 00:35:45.640
And when I've lived life together, I feel.

591
00:35:46.040 --> 00:35:50.160
I always, I, I, I see more of God in everything.

592
00:35:50.160 --> 00:35:54.080
And that's what makes me feel like I'm always experiencing him.

593
00:35:54.600 --> 00:35:57.920
Guess that's really what, you know, what I'm trying to say.

594
00:35:58.120 --> 00:35:59.720
I felt like I'm always experiencing him.

595
00:35:59.720 --> 00:36:04.520
I don't really stop and try to get moments of like spending time

596
00:36:04.520 --> 00:36:06.120
with looking for Jesus to come.

597
00:36:06.120 --> 00:36:09.640
I feel like I'm always experiencing God because I'm living life with him every day.

598
00:36:09.960 --> 00:36:12.960
I'm walking from the bathroom to the kitchen with them and I'm doing dishes,

599
00:36:13.400 --> 00:36:17.920
you know, with him, with him, with me, and then loading the dishwasher with him,

600
00:36:17.920 --> 00:36:21.840
with me it's, and I don't feel an obligation to the Lord of like, Oh, I

601
00:36:21.840 --> 00:36:23.360
need to talk to him or whatever.

602
00:36:23.400 --> 00:36:28.240
It's just, I have to just allow him to live life with me.

603
00:36:28.760 --> 00:36:34.160
And then I feel like I'm getting the experience of him all of the time.

604
00:36:34.680 --> 00:36:38.960
Um, anyway, sorry, it took me a while to kind of like unpack all of that,

605
00:36:38.960 --> 00:36:43.360
but, um, because other I'm trying as much as I can to kind of articulate

606
00:36:43.360 --> 00:36:47.280
it, cause I know that otherwise it can just sound vague because I don't

607
00:36:47.280 --> 00:36:49.080
know what to tell you to look for.

608
00:36:49.120 --> 00:36:51.000
Like, Oh, we'll look for this feeling.

609
00:36:51.040 --> 00:36:53.640
You know, when you do this, when you walk to the kitchen, you know,

610
00:36:53.640 --> 00:36:57.320
then this will happen right here in this left ventricle of your heart.

611
00:36:57.640 --> 00:36:59.000
And I'm not trying to be funny about that.

612
00:36:59.000 --> 00:37:04.320
I'm just saying like that specific, like steps and specific, you know, that

613
00:37:04.320 --> 00:37:09.160
specificity, I don't have, it's, it's, um, it's going to be unique with you

614
00:37:09.160 --> 00:37:15.640
and the Lord, but I can tell you that if you open yourself up, um, to, to him.

615
00:37:16.320 --> 00:37:24.600
Of like, and, and, um, and just anticipate him revealing who he is and you watch

616
00:37:24.600 --> 00:37:29.440
for it, then he'll show you what was him.

617
00:37:30.520 --> 00:37:34.840
Um, and, uh, and it sounds, you know, you've already been doing it.

618
00:37:34.840 --> 00:37:37.960
You said that you would do different things at work and be like, Oh,

619
00:37:38.040 --> 00:37:39.440
Oh, that was really sweet of you, Laura.

620
00:37:39.440 --> 00:37:41.080
Thank you for helping me with that and whatever.

621
00:37:41.720 --> 00:37:44.520
And, um, uh, but anyway.

622
00:37:45.120 --> 00:37:47.560
So that's, that's what I would do.

623
00:37:47.720 --> 00:37:50.640
Um, you, and then there's nothing wrong with you.

624
00:37:50.640 --> 00:37:52.440
Ask him, you tell him what's on your heart.

625
00:37:52.440 --> 00:37:53.720
You tell him what's important to you.

626
00:37:53.720 --> 00:37:56.440
Like for me, me with the angels, I told him that was important to me.

627
00:37:56.760 --> 00:37:57.880
I was very serious about it.

628
00:37:58.160 --> 00:38:01.640
I wasn't desperate and I, and I couldn't.

629
00:38:02.040 --> 00:38:05.840
Demanded of him, even emotionally demanded of him, Lord, I really want this.

630
00:38:05.840 --> 00:38:06.640
I don't beg.

631
00:38:07.440 --> 00:38:11.120
There's no reason for me as the child, who's been given everything to beg my

632
00:38:11.120 --> 00:38:13.840
father for the things that he told me to ask for.

633
00:38:14.080 --> 00:38:15.320
There's no need to beg.

634
00:38:15.720 --> 00:38:19.080
So also beg means that you expect to not get it.

635
00:38:20.000 --> 00:38:21.680
Yeah, I had full expectations.

636
00:38:21.680 --> 00:38:28.720
So, but it's important to open up your heart, vulnerably, to allow yourself to

637
00:38:28.720 --> 00:38:35.320
be vulnerable enough to risk disappointment, but you're choosing him over your

638
00:38:35.320 --> 00:38:41.600
disappointment because you were sacrificing your disappointment in order to have it

639
00:38:41.600 --> 00:38:43.280
for the chance to get to have him.

640
00:38:43.440 --> 00:38:45.280
He loves that, you know?

641
00:38:45.360 --> 00:38:49.840
Um, so anyway, is, uh, does that, does that make sense?

642
00:38:49.840 --> 00:38:54.600
Asking him for it, not being desperate, not thinking like, oh, expecting, like

643
00:38:54.600 --> 00:38:59.960
he's not going to answer, um, but, but really truly revealing to you, to him,

644
00:38:59.960 --> 00:39:03.760
what's on your heart, but at the end of the day, always saying, you know, God,

645
00:39:03.760 --> 00:39:08.560
really, I'm, I choose you even if you never give me this experience and I won't

646
00:39:08.880 --> 00:39:10.440
not have this experience.

647
00:39:10.480 --> 00:39:15.320
I won't take not having this experience and holding it against you.

648
00:39:15.840 --> 00:39:18.760
If you never do it, I won't, I won't think that you're not good.

649
00:39:19.520 --> 00:39:22.640
I won't feel not loved by you.

650
00:39:24.240 --> 00:39:25.000
That's a big one.

651
00:39:25.840 --> 00:39:26.800
You know, stuff like that.

652
00:39:28.680 --> 00:39:31.160
Oh, you reminded me in it.

653
00:39:31.480 --> 00:39:35.840
And I, you know, like you, I think I just easily forget, especially if I don't

654
00:39:35.880 --> 00:39:41.160
write it down, but you reminding me about my work experience, but even today I was

655
00:39:41.160 --> 00:39:46.320
like, you know, made plans with a friend to go on a trip and I didn't even, you

656
00:39:46.320 --> 00:39:49.520
know, I was like, you know, it's, it's going to work out, we're going to figure

657
00:39:49.520 --> 00:39:53.640
it out and then come to find out, we planned it on another, a day that I'm

658
00:39:53.640 --> 00:39:54.880
already going to have another day off.

659
00:39:54.880 --> 00:39:56.120
I was like, oh, thank you, Lord.

660
00:39:56.120 --> 00:39:59.400
Like, you know, I'm like, there's just little things that I'm.

661
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.960
um just forget that yeah he is for me and everything and um yeah one of the ways that

662
00:40:06.960 --> 00:40:12.880
i view stuff like that by the way that i noticed helped was that if i didn't view it as this gift

663
00:40:12.880 --> 00:40:21.040
i viewed it as god helping me or orchestrate my life yeah not like oh lord you really didn't have

664
00:40:21.040 --> 00:40:26.800
to do that i can't believe you would like go out of your way if i viewed it like that that was this

665
00:40:26.800 --> 00:40:37.520
poverty mentality of always of expecting that the norm was that god um isn't is that god wants my

666
00:40:37.520 --> 00:40:44.800
life to be hard but every now and then he'll throw me a bone that was revealing to me that i don't

667
00:40:44.800 --> 00:40:51.440
expect that god is seeing me the issue honestly isn't whether or not god does stuff like that

668
00:40:51.440 --> 00:40:57.280
of what you're talking about it's what how we respond to that that reveals to us are reviewing

669
00:40:57.280 --> 00:41:04.240
god from the perspective of of expectation like well of course god does things like that he doesn't

670
00:41:04.240 --> 00:41:08.640
always make it work out this way but he always does stuff like this why because this is his heart

671
00:41:08.640 --> 00:41:13.120
towards me what this has expressed to me is his heart towards me he does it all the time but and

672
00:41:13.120 --> 00:41:18.320
this is just how i chose to show it last time it didn't in fact last time there were all kinds of

673
00:41:18.320 --> 00:41:23.120
like schedule complications and contradictions and whatever but it didn't mean he didn't love me

674
00:41:24.080 --> 00:41:29.280
because it's not it and so anyway that was important for me so when i viewed stuff like

675
00:41:29.280 --> 00:41:34.320
that it was just kind of like oh thank you lord that that surveyed that easy and i saw it more

676
00:41:34.320 --> 00:41:39.600
like he's helping me live he's living life with me and he's like this is how he chose to do it

677
00:41:39.600 --> 00:41:46.080
he's like hey let's move everything out of our way you know out of our way not my way out of our way

678
00:41:46.800 --> 00:41:50.560
yeah let's do that out of let's just move that out of our way so that we can go on the trip

679
00:41:50.560 --> 00:42:00.480
rita so we can do this yes yeah yeah yeah yeah well that's great i'm so excited that you see

680
00:42:00.480 --> 00:42:04.320
you saw it you already were looking oh that's nice lord thank you for working all that out

681
00:42:04.320 --> 00:42:12.240
so that's great yeah yeah anyway so anyway i hope that was helpful i know it wasn't like very

682
00:42:12.240 --> 00:42:19.600
specific you know answer of like oh do this or do that um but if i think of something you know

683
00:42:19.600 --> 00:42:25.200
some other time you know i'll i'll mention it but um right now that's you know obviously just

684
00:42:25.200 --> 00:42:30.320
that would be that's the answer and that's what i would just come to is just letting it

685
00:42:31.200 --> 00:42:40.720
letting any of that angst and frustration go so that what it is that i want can finally happen

686
00:42:41.520 --> 00:42:46.720
because while i'm having the angst and the frustration the real thing that i'm looking for

687
00:42:47.520 --> 00:42:52.720
and the way that god is already giving it to me is something i can't receive yet

688
00:42:53.760 --> 00:43:00.880
because i'm refusing to and because i'm i'm like i've got accusation against him that accusation

689
00:43:00.880 --> 00:43:05.760
is like thrusting something against god when he's trying to and and therefore it's it's resisting

690
00:43:06.480 --> 00:43:10.160
me being able to effortlessly really receive the thing that he's already offered

691
00:43:10.720 --> 00:43:17.200
um and so i just know that if i kind of quote unquote get out of my own way get out of the way

692
00:43:17.200 --> 00:43:24.720
then it'll all naturally happen but i can't but i just have to wait for god to reveal to me

693
00:43:25.360 --> 00:43:30.560
where it is because i don't know how to look for it and i don't know how to ask for it i don't know

694
00:43:30.560 --> 00:43:35.680
how to ask for something that i don't understand or don't have words for all he says is hey it's

695
00:43:35.760 --> 00:43:44.800
big and it's good and it's i'm protector and i'm provider and so anyway but yeah so that's what i

696
00:43:44.800 --> 00:43:51.920
just i keep doing so i just release any of the resistance that i have and i just i just tell god

697
00:43:51.920 --> 00:43:56.320
okay god i choose you instead of all those other things instead of even experiencing you

698
00:43:57.040 --> 00:44:01.760
and in addition to that just like jesus did in the garden of gethsemane this is what i would like

699
00:44:02.720 --> 00:44:08.640
you know it's not what i'm holding against you it's just something that i'm i'm just you know

700
00:44:08.640 --> 00:44:13.120
making you aware of hey which he already knows but you know i'm presenting this to you lord

701
00:44:13.120 --> 00:44:21.440
and i'm vulnerably exposing my heart telling you i really want this and and um anyway so yeah

702
00:44:21.440 --> 00:44:23.440
yeah so yeah

703
00:44:26.000 --> 00:44:28.720
so thank you yeah you're welcome

704
00:44:30.400 --> 00:44:40.000
okay well tammy there she is you're home are you hey oh you're muted sorry

705
00:44:40.960 --> 00:44:50.080
sorry you got your ice cream and your your moscato i do i haven't cracked it out

706
00:44:52.080 --> 00:44:54.480
that's our after group three oh okay

707
00:44:56.960 --> 00:44:59.760
um so yeah yeah i was listening that was

708
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.720
Perfect, I think my last journey share was very similar

709
00:45:04.720 --> 00:45:08.640
to what Ruth's question was, so that's great.

710
00:45:08.640 --> 00:45:09.480
Perfect.

711
00:45:10.800 --> 00:45:12.820
Yeah, I guess I have a small question.

712
00:45:12.820 --> 00:45:17.820
I listened to the choose yourself video that you put up.

713
00:45:17.920 --> 00:45:19.640
It was really good.

714
00:45:19.640 --> 00:45:24.640
And I know like it was like, you can't choose,

715
00:45:26.280 --> 00:45:29.760
you like can't give yourself to others, so to speak, right?

716
00:45:29.760 --> 00:45:31.520
Until you choose yourself.

717
00:45:31.520 --> 00:45:34.480
So I guess my question was, and I think I have,

718
00:45:34.480 --> 00:45:36.600
I've made some massive changes in my life,

719
00:45:36.600 --> 00:45:40.440
but how do you know that you chose yourself?

720
00:45:40.440 --> 00:45:43.400
Like what does that, like what's an example maybe

721
00:45:43.400 --> 00:45:46.040
of that to help solidify that?

722
00:45:46.040 --> 00:45:47.440
So when I mean choose yourself,

723
00:45:47.440 --> 00:45:49.920
I'm not talking about like any kind of a selfish way.

724
00:45:49.920 --> 00:45:54.920
I'm talking about basically owning yourself,

725
00:45:56.160 --> 00:45:58.860
owning, taking responsibility for yourself.

726
00:45:58.860 --> 00:46:00.920
And by that, I don't mean like, okay,

727
00:46:00.920 --> 00:46:03.060
if you've done something wrong,

728
00:46:03.060 --> 00:46:04.500
well, then you own that to it.

729
00:46:04.500 --> 00:46:07.540
I'm not talking about that kind of responsibility.

730
00:46:07.540 --> 00:46:08.380
I'm talking about,

731
00:46:08.380 --> 00:46:09.820
because that's usually when people talk about

732
00:46:09.820 --> 00:46:12.700
like own yourself, sometimes we're talking about

733
00:46:12.700 --> 00:46:16.180
like making sure you take appropriate blame,

734
00:46:16.180 --> 00:46:17.460
instead of blaming somebody else.

735
00:46:17.460 --> 00:46:19.100
That's not what I'm talking about.

736
00:46:19.100 --> 00:46:23.300
I'm talking about, understand that you are the one

737
00:46:23.300 --> 00:46:28.100
who has a right to you and make your own,

738
00:46:28.100 --> 00:46:31.660
be powerful enough, understand that you are given

739
00:46:31.660 --> 00:46:35.220
the power by God to make your own decisions.

740
00:46:35.220 --> 00:46:39.780
You are not obligated to him or anyone else.

741
00:46:39.780 --> 00:46:42.900
And by obligated to him, in a way you are obligated to him

742
00:46:42.900 --> 00:46:47.620
because you have, you know, you're, he's,

743
00:46:47.620 --> 00:46:48.460
that's what we've done.

744
00:46:48.460 --> 00:46:50.980
We've submitted our will to him.

745
00:46:50.980 --> 00:46:55.140
But that's not really the obligation I'm referring to.

746
00:46:55.140 --> 00:46:57.220
I'm talking about like, you're not obligated

747
00:46:57.220 --> 00:47:02.220
as in like, you're being made to.

748
00:47:02.580 --> 00:47:06.300
Understand that in a manner of speaking,

749
00:47:06.300 --> 00:47:09.140
you're under no more obligation.

750
00:47:09.140 --> 00:47:11.060
And I phrased it like this, no shame,

751
00:47:11.060 --> 00:47:13.540
no condemnation, no obligation.

752
00:47:13.540 --> 00:47:17.660
Meaning that what we have historically done

753
00:47:17.660 --> 00:47:20.420
because we thought we were obligated to act like this,

754
00:47:20.420 --> 00:47:22.380
we were obligated to obey God.

755
00:47:22.380 --> 00:47:24.500
We were obligated to love God.

756
00:47:24.500 --> 00:47:26.860
We're not obligated for any of those things

757
00:47:27.540 --> 00:47:29.900
because we don't owe God anything.

758
00:47:29.900 --> 00:47:31.420
And in the fact that we don't,

759
00:47:31.420 --> 00:47:33.780
we can't pay God for something.

760
00:47:33.780 --> 00:47:35.980
He made all of the payment for us,

761
00:47:35.980 --> 00:47:40.620
all of this stuff that we owed, he paid for.

762
00:47:40.620 --> 00:47:45.620
So, but what we have done though is we have submit,

763
00:47:46.380 --> 00:47:49.500
because he did that, we chose,

764
00:47:49.500 --> 00:47:50.780
when we chose him as our savior,

765
00:47:50.780 --> 00:47:54.260
we chose to submit ourselves completely to him,

766
00:47:54.260 --> 00:47:59.060
to allow ourselves to be completely unified with him

767
00:47:59.060 --> 00:48:04.060
and therefore to live as a complete sacrifice to him.

768
00:48:06.300 --> 00:48:09.660
But understand that that was an intentional choice

769
00:48:09.660 --> 00:48:11.060
that we made.

770
00:48:11.060 --> 00:48:13.500
It's not an obligation of like, oh, I wear it,

771
00:48:13.500 --> 00:48:14.500
now I have to.

772
00:48:14.500 --> 00:48:19.500
Remember that obligation is meaning that

773
00:48:20.020 --> 00:48:24.740
we have a payment that we owe.

774
00:48:24.740 --> 00:48:27.140
We don't have a payment that we owe.

775
00:48:27.140 --> 00:48:30.100
What God is talking about when he talks about obeying him,

776
00:48:30.100 --> 00:48:31.500
loving him, whatever,

777
00:48:31.500 --> 00:48:35.820
is he saying that is who now you naturally are.

778
00:48:35.820 --> 00:48:38.140
You naturally will love God.

779
00:48:38.140 --> 00:48:40.540
You naturally love like God.

780
00:48:40.540 --> 00:48:43.140
You naturally love other people

781
00:48:43.140 --> 00:48:46.700
with the love of God himself, which is self-sacrificing,

782
00:48:46.740 --> 00:48:50.420
which is dying to self, dying for other people, et cetera.

783
00:48:50.420 --> 00:48:51.820
Dying, not just like physically,

784
00:48:51.820 --> 00:48:56.380
but just like unselfishly, et cetera.

785
00:48:56.380 --> 00:49:01.380
And anyway, so when I'm talking about owning yourself,

786
00:49:02.820 --> 00:49:06.540
understand that God paid for you

787
00:49:06.540 --> 00:49:10.620
to no longer be enslaved and to be free.

788
00:49:10.620 --> 00:49:14.100
So therefore he, one of the things that he paid for

789
00:49:14.100 --> 00:49:17.540
is the right for you to have your own free,

790
00:49:17.540 --> 00:49:20.100
for you to be able to operate out of your own free will

791
00:49:20.100 --> 00:49:21.180
again.

792
00:49:21.180 --> 00:49:23.620
And God considers that very sacred.

793
00:49:23.620 --> 00:49:27.060
What he does is he tells us where we should guide,

794
00:49:27.060 --> 00:49:29.020
what he does is he tries to guide us

795
00:49:29.020 --> 00:49:31.740
as to what we should choose with our free will,

796
00:49:31.740 --> 00:49:34.020
but he doesn't make us.

797
00:49:34.020 --> 00:49:37.740
He says, it's your free will to choose,

798
00:49:37.740 --> 00:49:40.860
but you can't, I'm trying to think

799
00:49:40.860 --> 00:49:42.860
if I have a teaching on this somewhere.

800
00:49:44.700 --> 00:49:47.940
Rita remembers that we talked a lot about this the last,

801
00:49:47.940 --> 00:49:50.060
about like maturing our will and all of that

802
00:49:50.060 --> 00:49:51.820
at the last rest intensive,

803
00:49:51.820 --> 00:49:54.700
but I'm trying to remember if I did it in a fireside chat

804
00:49:54.700 --> 00:49:59.700
or if I did it in like a separate teaching, I don't remember.

805
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.680
I don't remember. Oh, no. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe I just did it in the choosing. Okay. So I did

806
00:50:05.680 --> 00:50:13.120
think I mentioned it in the choosing yourself or be or whatever I called that. And wait a minute.

807
00:50:13.120 --> 00:50:18.800
Okay. Are you talking about the choosing yourself? Or are you talking about the one that I said being

808
00:50:18.800 --> 00:50:25.600
enough for yourself? I watched the same day, but I think I'm talking about the choose yourself

809
00:50:25.600 --> 00:50:31.200
because it was like, you have to choose yourself before you before you like you're trying to give

810
00:50:31.200 --> 00:50:37.760
your way yourself a way to help others and all of that. Okay, was I? Yeah. So I had my hair up.

811
00:50:37.760 --> 00:50:45.040
What did I was I wearing blue and I was in a I was in an office behind me with bookshelves

812
00:50:45.040 --> 00:50:50.240
behind me. The reason I'm wondering is if I haven't posted that I can post that for you.

813
00:50:50.240 --> 00:50:54.240
But what I wonder if I've already posted that anyway, in there, I talked about maturing our

814
00:50:54.240 --> 00:51:00.640
free will do I do I mentioned that in whatever you're talking about? maturing our will? I don't

815
00:51:00.640 --> 00:51:06.640
remember that terminology. Okay, I'll have to look and see because if not, well, then maybe I can I

816
00:51:06.640 --> 00:51:12.000
can post that for you. I can I can post that for you. Anyway, I didn't my point was I was trying to

817
00:51:12.000 --> 00:51:16.640
I was trying to I was then going to try to explain that, hey, and make a connection with something

818
00:51:16.640 --> 00:51:21.440
you'd already heard me say. But point is, that if you hadn't heard me say that, then I need to

819
00:51:21.440 --> 00:51:29.520
explain. So the thing is that you can't get in this goes, this is kind of the foundation on which

820
00:51:29.520 --> 00:51:35.040
we, we can choose what I'm talking about, about choosing ourselves before we can give ourselves

821
00:51:35.040 --> 00:51:42.160
to other people or make ourselves available, is remember that if for instance, even to God,

822
00:51:42.160 --> 00:51:48.880
we can't choose him, unless we own ourselves to give, I'm sorry, not choose him, we cannot give

823
00:51:48.880 --> 00:51:54.640
ourselves to him unless we own ourselves to give him. If you don't own yourself, you can't give

824
00:51:54.640 --> 00:52:02.880
yourself. If you're owned by if you're enslaved to sin, you couldn't give yourself to God. That is why

825
00:52:02.880 --> 00:52:08.240
he had to pay for us. That's why he had to buy us. Because we were so enslaved, we couldn't buy

826
00:52:08.240 --> 00:52:14.240
ourselves out of that slavery. We will no longer had a free will. So what he did is he saved us

827
00:52:14.240 --> 00:52:21.120
out of that slavery. And now out of our free will, we could choose them. And it's now out of that free

828
00:52:21.120 --> 00:52:28.000
will that even though we've given we submitted our will to God, we have a free will in which we can

829
00:52:28.000 --> 00:52:33.840
that in which we operate as a son of God. Okay, well, who am I, I'm now saved, I'm now free,

830
00:52:33.840 --> 00:52:41.040
I'm unified with the Lord. But who am I, what is that DNA of God that he put in me, that his love

831
00:52:41.040 --> 00:52:47.520
that he put in me so that I can love like he loves, I can sacrifice myself like Jesus did,

832
00:52:47.520 --> 00:52:53.680
I can, you know, I can protect my kingdom the way that he protects his or provide for it or whatever.

833
00:52:54.480 --> 00:53:01.360
So you have to have a will. In other words, you have to in order to submit it to the Lord,

834
00:53:01.360 --> 00:53:09.040
you have to have you have to mature your will. In other words, actually own yourself, own

835
00:53:09.040 --> 00:53:13.120
understand that you have a right to make your own decisions and to whether choose whether or not you

836
00:53:13.120 --> 00:53:18.640
want to obey God, you're not obligated. You don't have to if you don't want to. So what do you want

837
00:53:18.640 --> 00:53:23.920
to do? God's not worried, because he knows that if at least you know, you get out of your own way,

838
00:53:23.920 --> 00:53:30.080
who it is that you naturally are always God, always chooses God, you know, always obeys God,

839
00:53:30.080 --> 00:53:35.040
he's not worried. You know, he just keeps guiding you about how you're getting in your own way of

840
00:53:35.040 --> 00:53:39.520
what it is you really want what you need to let go of so that you can just naturally let who you

841
00:53:39.520 --> 00:53:48.080
naturally are out. But the thing is, it's still you that's choosing him. Because yes, he created

842
00:53:48.080 --> 00:53:54.240
you out of his, you know, his DNA. So speaking the fact that, you know, that was his spirit is born

843
00:53:54.240 --> 00:53:59.200
of spirit, you know, so you have you have his DNA, you know, you love like him and all that you have

844
00:53:59.200 --> 00:54:07.040
his characteristics, but you get to choose as to expressing, you know, choose, okay, now I want to

845
00:54:07.040 --> 00:54:10.880
express this love. Now I want to express this protection. Now I want to express it right,

846
00:54:10.880 --> 00:54:16.400
that's your free will. So that's what I'm talking about. Understand that you are a powerful

847
00:54:17.520 --> 00:54:23.760
being that can make its own choices. I'm not talking about powerful apart from God or anything

848
00:54:23.760 --> 00:54:29.920
like that. I'm talking about you being unified in Christ, operating from oneness in Christ,

849
00:54:29.920 --> 00:54:37.680
he has power therefore you being in him are accessing that same power and together

850
00:54:37.680 --> 00:54:44.560
with his heart, same heart, same will, same mind, you're expressing love, you're expressing, you

851
00:54:44.560 --> 00:54:51.520
know, protection, you're expressing provision. But anyway, you get to choose whether you

852
00:54:51.520 --> 00:54:56.720
operate out of that union or whether you try to operate out as if you were separated from it.

853
00:54:58.160 --> 00:54:59.920
Understand you are

854
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.720
are powerful enough, meaning like powerful in Christ,

855
00:55:03.720 --> 00:55:06.240
and God gave you a free will,

856
00:55:06.240 --> 00:55:09.440
that you are responsible for you,

857
00:55:09.440 --> 00:55:11.800
meaning like you need that you are powerful enough,

858
00:55:11.800 --> 00:55:13.720
you are making your own decisions.

859
00:55:13.720 --> 00:55:15.820
No one is making you do anything.

860
00:55:16.800 --> 00:55:17.900
So that's what I mean.

861
00:55:17.900 --> 00:55:21.520
You have to realize, I need to own me.

862
00:55:21.520 --> 00:55:25.200
I get to decide, do I choose God or not?

863
00:55:25.200 --> 00:55:29.520
Do I do this for so-and-so or not?

864
00:55:29.560 --> 00:55:32.720
That if you don't own yourself,

865
00:55:32.720 --> 00:55:34.920
well, then you feel that if so-and-so says something,

866
00:55:34.920 --> 00:55:38.280
you have to do it, because God said so.

867
00:55:38.280 --> 00:55:40.720
That is someone who doesn't understand

868
00:55:40.720 --> 00:55:42.040
that they really do own themselves,

869
00:55:42.040 --> 00:55:45.440
that God bought them the right to themselves.

870
00:55:46.520 --> 00:55:49.120
And again, I'm not talking about any kind of power

871
00:55:49.120 --> 00:55:50.880
that we have outside of Christ.

872
00:55:50.880 --> 00:55:54.480
All of it, you know, that's what like the new agers believe.

873
00:55:54.480 --> 00:55:56.760
They go, oh, we're real powerful beings.

874
00:55:56.760 --> 00:55:58.320
That's not what I'm talking about.

875
00:55:58.320 --> 00:56:00.560
Any power that I'm talking about, you know,

876
00:56:00.560 --> 00:56:02.800
it's all one in Christ, you know.

877
00:56:02.800 --> 00:56:06.520
But God's just like, hey, I gave you the power

878
00:56:06.520 --> 00:56:08.360
to make your own decisions.

879
00:56:08.360 --> 00:56:09.560
That is power.

880
00:56:09.560 --> 00:56:13.880
The ability and the right to make your own decision

881
00:56:13.880 --> 00:56:16.440
and to choose this or to choose that, that's power.

882
00:56:17.320 --> 00:56:21.200
It's not a gun and it doesn't explode the universe,

883
00:56:21.200 --> 00:56:22.920
but it is power.

884
00:56:22.920 --> 00:56:25.320
Choosing this or choosing that, it's strength.

885
00:56:25.320 --> 00:56:30.320
You know, it's power to be able to determine your own future,

886
00:56:31.600 --> 00:56:34.080
meaning like, which you mean,

887
00:56:34.080 --> 00:56:35.200
am I going to make this choice

888
00:56:35.200 --> 00:56:36.960
or am I going to make this one?

889
00:56:36.960 --> 00:56:38.000
And yes, I'm going to make this one.

890
00:56:38.000 --> 00:56:39.200
So boom, here I go.

891
00:56:39.200 --> 00:56:41.200
That's power right there, you know.

892
00:56:41.200 --> 00:56:43.000
So that's why we always want to ask the Lord,

893
00:56:43.000 --> 00:56:45.480
okay, how do I do this in your character

894
00:56:45.480 --> 00:56:47.320
so that I only do what you do?

895
00:56:47.320 --> 00:56:49.480
I only do what I see the Father doing.

896
00:56:49.480 --> 00:56:50.320
Why?

897
00:56:50.320 --> 00:56:51.680
Because I choose to only operate

898
00:56:51.680 --> 00:56:54.480
within unification with Christ.

899
00:56:54.480 --> 00:56:56.400
Not outside of him, doing my own thing,

900
00:56:56.400 --> 00:56:57.920
just trying to please you.

901
00:56:57.920 --> 00:56:59.880
God's like, that's still separation.

902
00:56:59.880 --> 00:57:01.520
I want everything in union.

903
00:57:01.520 --> 00:57:02.440
So that's what I mean.

904
00:57:02.440 --> 00:57:05.600
It's this ownership of your right

905
00:57:05.600 --> 00:57:09.280
and responsibility to make your own decision.

906
00:57:09.280 --> 00:57:13.480
You're not obligated to whatever your mom wishes you would be

907
00:57:13.480 --> 00:57:15.480
or whatever your husband wants you to do

908
00:57:15.480 --> 00:57:16.920
or wishes you would be.

909
00:57:16.920 --> 00:57:19.720
You have the right to make your own decision.

910
00:57:19.720 --> 00:57:22.400
Now, and I'm just putting this in context.

911
00:57:22.400 --> 00:57:24.640
Say for instance, you know, your husband.

912
00:57:24.640 --> 00:57:28.560
God calls that wise to submit to their husbands, right?

913
00:57:28.560 --> 00:57:31.720
But you get to choose whether or not you're going to submit.

914
00:57:31.720 --> 00:57:33.920
God gave you guidance of like,

915
00:57:33.920 --> 00:57:37.000
hey, this is what I am guiding you.

916
00:57:37.000 --> 00:57:40.160
And what I'm telling you spiritually is

917
00:57:40.160 --> 00:57:43.560
I have provided as a means by which you can be protected,

918
00:57:43.560 --> 00:57:44.960
that you can take advantage of,

919
00:57:44.960 --> 00:57:46.440
not at advantage of in a negative way,

920
00:57:46.440 --> 00:57:47.560
but advantage of as in like,

921
00:57:47.560 --> 00:57:49.120
hey, you've got this great opportunity

922
00:57:49.120 --> 00:57:51.160
that you can take advantage of.

923
00:57:51.200 --> 00:57:53.000
He's like, I provided this for you.

924
00:57:53.000 --> 00:57:57.800
And this is the place that I have provided for you

925
00:57:57.800 --> 00:57:59.400
under my protection,

926
00:57:59.400 --> 00:58:02.600
is as submitting to your husband and all of that.

927
00:58:02.600 --> 00:58:05.800
But you get to choose as to whether or not you do that.

928
00:58:05.800 --> 00:58:07.040
That's what I'm saying,

929
00:58:07.040 --> 00:58:10.640
is take all of your actions of obedience to the Lord

930
00:58:10.640 --> 00:58:13.920
as you deciding that that's what you want to do,

931
00:58:15.160 --> 00:58:18.960
as opposed to feeling like you're a victim to have to do it.

932
00:58:18.960 --> 00:58:20.720
So think about it.

933
00:58:21.280 --> 00:58:23.440
Either way you can submit yourself to your husband,

934
00:58:23.440 --> 00:58:25.280
but one way is in a powerful way

935
00:58:25.280 --> 00:58:27.720
because you realize that you had a choice.

936
00:58:27.720 --> 00:58:29.800
The other one is in a very weak way

937
00:58:29.800 --> 00:58:32.080
because you didn't realize you had a choice.

938
00:58:32.080 --> 00:58:33.760
Either one, you did it,

939
00:58:33.760 --> 00:58:36.000
but one is powerful knowing who they are

940
00:58:36.000 --> 00:58:38.080
and the other one isn't.

941
00:58:38.080 --> 00:58:39.520
And it feels like they're a victim to life

942
00:58:39.520 --> 00:58:41.040
and a victim to a circumstance.

943
00:58:41.040 --> 00:58:42.280
So that's what I'm saying.

944
00:58:42.280 --> 00:58:46.480
Same thing like with, I don't know, your friends

945
00:58:46.480 --> 00:58:50.080
or like, I don't know, children in your life,

946
00:58:50.440 --> 00:58:52.280
your nieces and nephews or people you teach

947
00:58:52.280 --> 00:58:54.040
or kids you teach in Sunday school

948
00:58:54.040 --> 00:58:56.160
or your parents or whatever,

949
00:58:56.160 --> 00:58:58.440
is when I'm talking about like giving yourself

950
00:58:58.440 --> 00:59:00.520
to other people you can't give yourself

951
00:59:00.520 --> 00:59:02.440
unless you own yourself.

952
00:59:02.440 --> 00:59:06.080
Otherwise, you're not really giving you,

953
00:59:06.080 --> 00:59:08.840
you're simply a mirror to them of what it is

954
00:59:08.840 --> 00:59:11.920
and you're giving them what it is that they have ordered

955
00:59:11.920 --> 00:59:13.360
as if they're ordering a hamburger

956
00:59:13.360 --> 00:59:16.840
of what it is they want to have in their life.

957
00:59:16.840 --> 00:59:20.040
And you figure out how you can be that hamburger

958
00:59:20.880 --> 00:59:24.120
and that exact flavor that they ordered so they can have it.

959
00:59:24.120 --> 00:59:26.520
That's not owning you as opposed to,

960
00:59:26.520 --> 00:59:29.120
okay, no, they have a particular need.

961
00:59:29.120 --> 00:59:33.560
God put me in their life because I am what they need.

962
00:59:33.560 --> 00:59:36.520
But if you aren't allowing yourself to be you,

963
00:59:36.520 --> 00:59:38.680
you aren't giving them what God intended

964
00:59:38.680 --> 00:59:40.440
to fulfill their need.

965
00:59:40.440 --> 00:59:43.520
They can't tell you what they need.

966
00:59:43.520 --> 00:59:47.360
Only you are God's answer of what they need.

967
00:59:48.440 --> 00:59:49.320
He gave them you.

968
00:59:49.320 --> 00:59:50.760
He didn't put Rita in their life,

969
00:59:50.760 --> 00:59:51.600
He put you.

970
00:59:52.960 --> 00:59:54.760
Because they didn't need Rita's spirit,

971
00:59:54.760 --> 00:59:56.240
Rita with God's spirit.

972
00:59:56.240 --> 00:59:58.040
They needed yours.

973
00:59:58.040 --> 00:59:59.920
Didn't need mine, they needed yours.

974
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:11.000
So that's what I'm saying, but if you don't give yourself access to you and who God made you to be and own yourself, understand, wait a minute, I have a decision about whether or not I make I do this.

975
01:00:11.000 --> 01:00:28.000
You know, who am I with the Lord, who am I versus who do they wish that I was, who am I that that you can give the other you can't, you can't give you because you're not you're not even accessing you to give you.

976
01:00:28.000 --> 01:00:35.000
So you don't even have you to give you're not even accessing yourself. That's what that's what I'm saying.

977
01:00:35.000 --> 01:00:42.000
Does that make a little more sense. Yeah, that's, it's really powerful to I appreciate that.

978
01:00:42.000 --> 01:00:54.000
Because I think a lot of times, like, I think I can come off like, I don't know, my husband I we talked about like, who do we think we are as individuals versus how do other people experience us.

979
01:00:54.000 --> 01:01:13.000
And, like, just like in work, you know, like, well, I think I'm just starting to realize like, okay, it's more of a mixture of both like you don't we have blind spots and we don't see ourselves fully but I do think that I have a capacity sometimes

980
01:01:13.000 --> 01:01:30.000
to try to be what somebody else wants me to be, instead of just being like owning like no this is who I am like, I want to operate in God's level like my personality like I don't need to temper it down to make someone feel more like you don't even mean like, Oh, I'm

981
01:01:30.000 --> 01:01:47.000
extra or I'm to this or I'm not enough this like, I think it's like I have had a time where I just like kind of beat myself up just because I'm trying to fit into other people's expectations of who I am or how I should express myself being.

982
01:01:47.000 --> 01:02:07.000
I know there are norms to certain things right obviously but you know like but you know what I'm saying it's like just feeling like you're too much or not enough of something and I think this is a good time of just being like no this is who I am this is what God made me and just walking into another level of that, you know, so yeah.

983
01:02:07.000 --> 01:02:20.000
And if it's ever one of those other circumstances that you were alluding to have like well you know there's other norms and whatever stuff like that remember that you still need to make the choice that you're going to do it, as opposed to, Oh, I have to.

984
01:02:21.000 --> 01:02:38.000
This is expected. Do it from a power you can still do the same thing, you can still Okay, I am going to temper, whatever, but make it a choice that you are making of like hey this is who I am, but I'm just going to express it a bit differently because they have a hard time understanding

985
01:02:38.000 --> 01:02:57.000
that I'm doing this, this, this scares them or this they just wouldn't understand or this this whatever. And so you're doing it because you're making a powerful decision to help them, because they can't relate to this other aspect of you, but make it a powerful choice

986
01:02:58.000 --> 01:03:01.000
this is what I'm going to do. I don't have to.

987
01:03:01.000 --> 01:03:25.000
But this is what I'm going to choose for them. That's another way and that expresses you, your ability to give yourself, because you own yourself, you made the decision, not you felt like you had to see just like, Okay, well I'm being made to get this victim mentality, where you end up expressing

988
01:03:25.000 --> 01:03:28.000
yourself in this way.

989
01:03:28.000 --> 01:03:41.000
But you did it from a victim mentality as opposed to, oh, they're not hearing me or understanding me here. So therefore, I'm going to, you know what, I could, I could do this but I'm going to, I'm going to help them out.

990
01:03:41.000 --> 01:04:03.000
I'm being made to express myself like down here, but you're powerfully choosing that as opposed to, oh my word I'm being made to, I'm being made to squish. I'm being made to, in other words, doing it from a powerful position is not self stifling, doing it from a victim mentality is self stifling.

991
01:04:04.000 --> 01:04:26.000
And that's what so many people, especially, um, you know, movies and whatever, you know, they all talk about, oh, don't, don't stifle yourself and you just be free and you just be you and I kind of watch it and I'm going, no, you're being an aspect of you that is inappropriate in this situation.

992
01:04:26.000 --> 01:04:41.000
Just because you like to talk loud does not mean that in the middle of a concert, or in a, or in the middle of a funeral, you need to be yourself. It's not appropriate to express yourself like that.

993
01:04:41.000 --> 01:05:00.000
You're not stifling. If you just and I'm just using loudness as an example I don't know what aspects of your personality you're talking about I'm just you talking I was just thinking what's a really obvious when I could talk, I could I would talk about people's volume, you know, you know, and then they can they can choose, oh you know what, this is who I am and therefore because

994
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:07.760
you powerfully know who I am, I can powerfully not be that. If you can't help but be this,

995
01:05:08.560 --> 01:05:15.280
you still haven't owned you because you can't control you. You don't, you haven't dominated

996
01:05:15.280 --> 01:05:22.960
yourself. You don't rule you yet. You're victim to you. But if you really do own yourself,

997
01:05:22.960 --> 01:05:30.320
you get to choose and control your expression and whatever. So that just kind of give further

998
01:05:30.320 --> 01:05:34.400
context. But what I'm talking about, like owning oneself and like being one's true self,

999
01:05:34.400 --> 01:05:39.840
being one's true self just means like owning one's right to oneself and then making powerful

1000
01:05:39.840 --> 01:05:44.480
decisions from that place. It doesn't mean you always act the same way all the time, you know,

1001
01:05:45.360 --> 01:05:51.680
if that's helpful. Thank you. Yes, very much. You're welcome. All right. Well,

1002
01:05:52.240 --> 01:05:57.280
oh, sorry, Rita, did you have? I just kind of wanted to ask. So the victim mentality would

1003
01:05:57.280 --> 01:06:03.920
be out of like guilt or shame or obligation or manipulation. So if you have any of those like

1004
01:06:03.920 --> 01:06:11.680
negative kind of feelings and you do it out of that instead of powerfully choosing that other

1005
01:06:11.760 --> 01:06:17.360
feelings of the victim. Correct. For instance, I have things that I used to do with certain people

1006
01:06:17.360 --> 01:06:22.160
in my life out of obligation and victim mentality, like again, because it was based off of guilt,

1007
01:06:22.160 --> 01:06:26.320
manipulation. And oh, my word, they want me to do this, even if even if they're manipulated,

1008
01:06:27.360 --> 01:06:31.040
they're trying to get they're trying to get a specific response out of me. So they manipulate

1009
01:06:31.040 --> 01:06:35.840
things. It's how they word things. And they make me feel really bad. And I'm like, oh, my word.

1010
01:06:35.840 --> 01:06:40.880
And so and but if you do it from this feeling, oh, my word, they're making me do this. And

1011
01:06:40.880 --> 01:06:47.760
I really don't want to do this, but I have to or whatever. That is from a victim mentality. And

1012
01:06:47.760 --> 01:06:54.400
that's that's not owning oneself. But if you really OK, they really just can't seem to handle

1013
01:06:54.400 --> 01:07:00.560
this aspect of me or they can't handle the truth. They can't handle the truth of

1014
01:07:01.280 --> 01:07:08.160
theirs in my relationship. They want more from our relationship than they're willing to healthily be

1015
01:07:08.160 --> 01:07:15.120
responsible for. So therefore, I can't give them that aspect of my relationship so I can just be

1016
01:07:15.120 --> 01:07:23.680
surface level with them. So it looks to them like I am giving into their manipulation, but because I

1017
01:07:23.680 --> 01:07:30.720
know what's going on, I'm like, no, but I've realized, you know, no, you know, I don't have

1018
01:07:30.720 --> 01:07:36.720
to do anything and whatever, but they can't seem to handle a different type of relationship with me.

1019
01:07:36.720 --> 01:07:44.480
So I can choose to do this other and then just let the chips fall where they may or I can choose,

1020
01:07:44.480 --> 01:07:50.720
OK, this is just evidence of where it is that they are right now. So I will meet them there.

1021
01:07:52.480 --> 01:07:59.040
And trust me, they may not know it immediately, but they will eventually they will sense the fact

1022
01:07:59.040 --> 01:08:05.520
that you are powerfully making the choice to do that and they will know they're not manipulating

1023
01:08:05.520 --> 01:08:12.000
you, even though you can be meeting all of the things that they're trying to do to manipulate you.

1024
01:08:13.360 --> 01:08:18.479
They can figure out you're doing it on purpose and that they're not manipulating you,

1025
01:08:18.479 --> 01:08:24.080
that those are intentional choices that you're making and they don't own you, you do. Anyway.

1026
01:08:26.640 --> 01:08:30.240
Yeah, that was a good way of expressing it. So anything that you do, so those are things you

1027
01:08:30.240 --> 01:08:32.960
can look for anything that you're doing out of guilt, manipulation, whatever,

1028
01:08:33.680 --> 01:08:42.479
or obligation, all those are a sense that those are signs to you that you're stifling yourself

1029
01:08:42.479 --> 01:08:48.319
and you're doing things out of victim mentality as opposed to realizing you're not under any

1030
01:08:48.319 --> 01:08:57.520
obligation to be shamed or guilt or obligated or or manipulated. And you don't you don't have to.

1031
01:08:58.479 --> 01:09:05.359
And that you're going to choose that this is what you want to do. Yeah.

1032
01:09:08.399 --> 01:09:12.640
There's a bit more that I could say about that, but I don't really can't really figure out how

1033
01:09:12.640 --> 01:09:19.439
to word it right now. But anyway, all right, well, I will let y'all go. It's a good discussion.

1034
01:09:19.439 --> 01:09:25.520
I hope it was helpful. Okay, well, I will see y'all on Tuesday then for the rest.

1035
01:09:25.520 --> 01:09:32.240
Great. Yes. Bye. Bye. Thank you.