WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:18.000
Hi.

2
00:00:18.000 --> 00:00:21.000
Hello ladies.

3
00:00:21.000 --> 00:00:23.000
Guys for being late.

4
00:00:23.000 --> 00:00:29.000
Oh no, we were just wondering if we were in the right group. No, y'all are. So,

5
00:00:29.000 --> 00:00:35.000
let me see here. I say that either that or we're all in the wrong one.

6
00:00:35.000 --> 00:00:40.000
I say that it works good. I'm trying to make sure that my end.

7
00:00:40.000 --> 00:00:42.000
I think it's the right group.

8
00:00:42.000 --> 00:00:46.000
There we go. It's not connected. That's what the issue is.

9
00:00:46.000 --> 00:00:58.000
So, um, I'm very excited. My husband was so sweet late last night. We haven't been able to get internet in our apartment.

10
00:00:59.000 --> 00:01:01.000
Well, you have a place to stay.

11
00:01:01.000 --> 00:01:17.000
So, so you know in our new place. And so late last night he's researching and then like an hour before the place was going to close he found a place that supposedly was going to be might give us a really good option.

12
00:01:17.000 --> 00:01:28.000
And so an hour before I closed he went worked out a deal gotten absolutely amazing deal and got us up and running.

13
00:01:28.000 --> 00:01:42.000
All on the new internet and that's what I told him it's like, you know what it is he's like okay so what is it that you're looking for I'm like, above all, I have to be able to have to bid zoom calls you know good streaming it's got to be that strong.

14
00:01:43.000 --> 00:01:56.000
Anyway, and I don't know what the issue is with my phone I was trying to get my phone to hook up to maybe hopefully though I can get my AirPods connected.

15
00:01:56.000 --> 00:02:05.000
So, I don't want them to connect. I love your hair I've never seen it down before. Oh, like in real life.

16
00:02:05.000 --> 00:02:11.000
That's a story. So, if I went to your hairdressers again.

17
00:02:11.000 --> 00:02:17.000
I forgot my hairdresser. You went to the hairdressers didn't you say that last. Yes, I did.

18
00:02:17.000 --> 00:02:23.000
Yeah, I did it on Friday. Yeah, looks nice.

19
00:02:23.000 --> 00:02:30.000
And that's weird. Thank you. It's, it's saying it's connected but it's not coming through the headphones.

20
00:02:30.000 --> 00:02:34.000
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

21
00:02:34.000 --> 00:02:40.000
Yeah, so I got sorry for all of the, all of the delay, I.

22
00:02:40.000 --> 00:02:51.000
So I got it done Friday because of course we've moved back to Dallas, and that is where my original hairdresser was, and y'all know you don't mess with a woman in her hairdresser.

23
00:02:51.000 --> 00:03:02.000
My husband learned this and we were just friends and he just met me and we were, we were there were like several of us all traveling together with a friend of ours who's ministry.

24
00:03:02.000 --> 00:03:05.000
And I told I told Ed.

25
00:03:05.000 --> 00:03:17.000
We were in Colorado. And I told him I said well I need to hurry and get back to Dallas, and he's like, why, what, what's the hurry. It's like, well I have a hair appointment.

26
00:03:18.000 --> 00:03:26.000
You're going to drive 14 hours straight to a hair appointment, it's like, absolutely.

27
00:03:27.000 --> 00:03:32.000
And so, we were dating.

28
00:03:32.000 --> 00:03:38.000
Never once questioned the effort or expense.

29
00:03:38.000 --> 00:03:42.000
Good theory and vital.

30
00:03:43.000 --> 00:03:55.000
One of the most important things it's like you know I don't get my nails done anymore very sadly so don't look at them too closely but that this is not one of my priorities, I love pretty nails but I don't like all of the maintenance of having to like

31
00:03:55.000 --> 00:04:06.000
go to a place and sit there for however long, because you have to do it so often. Yes, it's different for hair I can actually get my hair cut and colored every three months.

32
00:04:07.000 --> 00:04:17.000
Okay, that's that's better than most women have it I think I think most women, at least as far as I've been aware, they have to do it at least twice as often as that.

33
00:04:17.000 --> 00:04:22.000
So I said hey, you know what, you've got a good one.

34
00:04:22.000 --> 00:04:28.000
Yeah, this is not so bad. That's right. You've got a good dude.

35
00:04:29.000 --> 00:04:36.000
I know so the poor guy, he, you know, we get married and he's already like mentally budgeted how much.

36
00:04:36.000 --> 00:04:40.000
Okay, hair, you know, every month.

37
00:04:40.000 --> 00:04:51.000
Like, emotionally, he had to like be prepared. Okay, this isn't a question. I'm coming into this with eyes wide open.

38
00:04:52.000 --> 00:04:54.000
This is what if for funny things.

39
00:04:54.000 --> 00:05:00.000
So, but anyway, so anyway point is, I'm making fun of myself but the point is that.

40
00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:11.000
And that's why I've been wearing it up is because when I was getting it done in, I was getting it done in South Carolina, I was trying to explain to the guy my hairdresser sent him all of the formula that he used.

41
00:05:11.000 --> 00:05:18.000
Hey, you know, I use these three colors, but the guy kind of did it a bit different. And, and it didn't.

42
00:05:19.000 --> 00:05:32.000
Anyway, the thing is that not only was the color not what I wanted, but more importantly the color I could have lived with, you know, it was, it was what y'all been saying it was darker than this didn't have as many highlights, which was perfectly fine.

43
00:05:32.000 --> 00:05:41.000
But the issue was that because it didn't have as many highlights, it wasn't as as textured, so it wouldn't hold a style.

44
00:05:41.000 --> 00:05:48.000
It was just flat, and it would fall because it was slick. So, if I couldn't style it, I would just throw it up.

45
00:05:48.000 --> 00:06:01.000
So yeah, before then, I like, I don't know the majority of the time, I always wear my hair down so that's why you see me and all of the pictures know whatever that I post with my hair down because that's normal.

46
00:06:02.000 --> 00:06:19.000
My hair up so often and basically every day. That's not normal for me so I was telling people in the fireside chat a few days ago I said, I feel like me.

47
00:06:19.000 --> 00:06:28.000
Anyway, I feel like I get it. Yeah. Anyway, I digress.

48
00:06:28.000 --> 00:06:34.000
One thing about your the sound, when you put on the plugs, it's worse.

49
00:06:34.000 --> 00:06:38.000
Oh, really. Yeah.

50
00:06:38.000 --> 00:06:41.000
I think it's better before you put them on.

51
00:06:41.000 --> 00:06:46.000
Okay.

52
00:06:46.000 --> 00:06:54.000
Okay, can you hear me, much better. Okay, so it's possible that these are just old.

53
00:06:55.000 --> 00:07:06.000
I said that these are two years old, and maybe and I keep thinking that it's like a computer, and that I've got money going on here, and that it's like a computer and that'll last really long.

54
00:07:06.000 --> 00:07:18.000
And even though these are great, you know these AirPods Pro I got them when they came out because my friend said that that if since I needed new ones he recommended the noise canceling.

55
00:07:19.000 --> 00:07:32.000
Because I immediately got on the airplane, and had all of these little bitty five little kids from Pakistan around me and I was able to sleep through it on the overslept flight so these, these, I love these things.

56
00:07:32.000 --> 00:07:33.000
Yeah.

57
00:07:33.000 --> 00:07:38.000
Anyway, I have the noise canceling ones to they're so good.

58
00:07:39.000 --> 00:07:44.000
Oh, no, that's just a bonus. Oh my word it makes a huge difference.

59
00:07:44.000 --> 00:07:58.000
Point is, I don't realize how old they are and I think that they're that, that I just need to get some nuance Karen mentioned that the other day she said you don't sound really good and I don't remember how, how she phrased it.

60
00:07:58.000 --> 00:08:10.000
I went back and I watched the recording and I thought that is wild kids used to people could hear me better. Yeah, it's actually a lot better without it. Yeah, and so now it's worse.

61
00:08:10.000 --> 00:08:14.000
Yeah.

62
00:08:14.000 --> 00:08:19.000
Okay. So anyway, and how are y'all doing.

63
00:08:19.000 --> 00:08:21.000
Good. Are you home Renata.

64
00:08:21.000 --> 00:08:24.000
Yes, I am.

65
00:08:24.000 --> 00:08:26.000
I hope to see you.

66
00:08:26.000 --> 00:08:30.000
You sound like I recognize your background.

67
00:08:30.000 --> 00:08:32.000
Growing up.

68
00:08:32.000 --> 00:08:38.000
Like my old folks home.

69
00:08:38.000 --> 00:08:41.000
Yeah, I'm home.

70
00:08:41.000 --> 00:08:48.000
And like I shared in the journey share it's. Well, I guess I can start.

71
00:08:48.000 --> 00:08:56.000
It's really good and really challenging to come home. And I think

72
00:08:56.000 --> 00:09:00.000
it's like,

73
00:09:01.000 --> 00:09:19.000
like I have a very close family, but we definitely do also do have issues with each other and there's like somehow, it seems to come up things all the times in my emotions and things that I find hard.

74
00:09:19.000 --> 00:09:24.000
And

75
00:09:24.000 --> 00:09:37.000
so, I don't even know like so. So I just feel like I'm being like really triggered coming home, and just

76
00:09:37.000 --> 00:09:41.000
one of the issues is.

77
00:09:41.000 --> 00:09:48.000
It's like it's got everything. It's like I live with my family so it's like anything from things.

78
00:09:48.000 --> 00:09:52.000
Now, suddenly I don't even know what to say.

79
00:09:52.000 --> 00:09:55.000
What has been.

80
00:09:55.000 --> 00:09:59.000
I feel like I'm.

81
00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:10.400
in and out of rest and coming home it feels like there are some heavy things that are that I'm like

82
00:10:10.400 --> 00:10:17.920
they're like I don't know I'm I'm constantly going out of rest and need to and I don't know

83
00:10:17.920 --> 00:10:25.280
like I don't even know I don't even know how to explain what's going on it's just um is it with

84
00:10:25.280 --> 00:10:33.120
everyone or is it like with your mom or like with your sister or the kids or it's uh it's got for

85
00:10:33.120 --> 00:10:46.800
instance it's um it's uh my mom some challenging feelings that I have towards her that uh I like

86
00:10:46.800 --> 00:10:54.320
she always wants more than I can give her and I never can give enough and that makes me feel

87
00:10:54.320 --> 00:11:02.240
resentment towards her uh because I know that no matter what I give it's never enough and also

88
00:11:02.240 --> 00:11:10.880
with the older she gets she becomes more not like a baby but she is like 80 years now so she's like

89
00:11:10.880 --> 00:11:20.240
old so she's um like she's taking less she's getting more scared of life she's taking less

90
00:11:20.240 --> 00:11:26.880
chances in life she's becoming more negative or more like like all the things that can happen to

91
00:11:26.880 --> 00:11:35.680
old people and it makes me very impatient and very unloving but today I realized like and I realized

92
00:11:35.680 --> 00:11:42.080
that and then with my sister we are very close but we are also very different and she has a very

93
00:11:42.080 --> 00:11:50.640
different parenting style than me so I think live in the same house with her uh when we're not just

94
00:11:50.640 --> 00:11:58.240
her and I or her and my brother-in-law doing fun things together or talking it's like these issues

95
00:11:58.240 --> 00:12:05.760
come up all the time that I kind of and if I find it hard to live in sometimes that we maybe disagree

96
00:12:05.760 --> 00:12:11.440
some how on parenting style but I also can feel that sometimes it's my own issue it's my own

97
00:12:11.520 --> 00:12:19.840
judgment it's not just her it's me it's me being in judgment towards her or my mom or like I resent

98
00:12:19.840 --> 00:12:26.000
my mom because she's getting older or like she wants more of me than I can give and then like

99
00:12:26.000 --> 00:12:30.880
I can judge my sister for her parenting style but if I ask her what she's actually doing she has

100
00:12:30.880 --> 00:12:41.120
reasons why she's doing what she's doing so um and then it's my nephew that decided a year ago that

101
00:12:41.120 --> 00:12:46.800
he didn't want to follow Jesus like I mentioned that before which is kind of like makes him in a

102
00:12:46.800 --> 00:12:54.640
bit of rebellion sometimes towards us because we're Christians and also against God so that comes up

103
00:12:54.640 --> 00:13:00.880
every now and then and I think also my relationship with my nephews and niece are changing because

104
00:13:00.880 --> 00:13:05.760
some of them becoming teenagers and they don't need me the same way and they used to love me

105
00:13:05.760 --> 00:13:12.640
and follow me and want to be and dote on me all the time and now like I'm like please be with me

106
00:13:12.640 --> 00:13:21.760
so it's like a little bit of a things are changing and I feel rejected by them and so but but a lot

107
00:13:21.760 --> 00:13:29.360
of these things that come up are my stuff it's not necessarily them but it's like the last few

108
00:13:29.360 --> 00:13:33.680
times I've been home and I think it escalates because I live with them it's not like oh I live

109
00:13:33.680 --> 00:13:38.960
next door or a mile away and I visit them and we have fun it's like when I come home for a week or

110
00:13:38.960 --> 00:13:45.680
two I live with them so it becomes very very intense like my mom lives there and my sister

111
00:13:45.680 --> 00:13:52.480
and my brother-in-law and all the kids so so but I also think it actually something that God is

112
00:13:52.480 --> 00:13:59.440
bringing up for me to allow me to look at it and to want me to go into rest but right now it just

113
00:13:59.440 --> 00:14:04.560
feels like oh gosh there's so many emotions and I don't know what's my stuff and what's their stuff

114
00:14:04.560 --> 00:14:14.720
but I can tell that I do judge them and feel resentment and rejected and there's like always

115
00:14:14.720 --> 00:14:21.680
all these things coming up and it makes me just today I was like I'm exhausted like oh I just

116
00:14:22.800 --> 00:14:27.840
I feel actually that there and Annette there's so many areas in my life that I need rest

117
00:14:28.480 --> 00:14:35.040
and there's always something coming up it's like with a friend says something that throws me off

118
00:14:35.040 --> 00:14:39.600
and I feel like what's wrong with me why do I react so much why do I have so many emotions

119
00:14:39.600 --> 00:14:43.680
and then I'm like so I try to avoid my emotions and that doesn't work so then I'm like no I have

120
00:14:43.680 --> 00:14:50.320
to walk through this and face my emotions but I kind of don't feel comfortable with myself having

121
00:14:50.320 --> 00:14:56.000
so many emotions I'm like why do I react to everything is it because I joined has it always

122
00:14:56.000 --> 00:14:59.840
has it always been there or is it coming up now more because of

123
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:03.580
the rest intensive, I'm like, I feel like I'm reacting more than

124
00:15:03.580 --> 00:15:09.660
I did before. And I, I'm just like, I see more and more areas

125
00:15:09.660 --> 00:15:13.220
where I need rest. And also, I think like I've told you guys

126
00:15:13.220 --> 00:15:16.740
before, and that you know, and as well is that I have been in

127
00:15:17.340 --> 00:15:21.420
unrest, I've been in like, I have experienced peace and rest

128
00:15:21.420 --> 00:15:24.720
a lot of times before, but a lot of my life has been 20 years of

129
00:15:24.740 --> 00:15:28.900
stress. And now and what I felt God tell me was like, I'm going

130
00:15:28.900 --> 00:15:32.260
to give you back all the devil stole from you those 20 years.

131
00:15:32.780 --> 00:15:36.140
And now I'm realizing more and more each month, how many things

132
00:15:36.140 --> 00:15:39.220
he stole from me. And when he said that I'm going to give you

133
00:15:39.220 --> 00:15:43.640
back what the devil stole from you. I was like, Oh, okay, I

134
00:15:43.640 --> 00:15:47.060
didn't really know that there. Okay, I guess that's a couple of

135
00:15:47.060 --> 00:15:52.900
things. And I'm like, it's 500 things. And I don't know where

136
00:15:52.900 --> 00:15:57.900
to begin. It's like, it's like family, it's weight, it's

137
00:15:57.900 --> 00:16:02.540
relationships, it's work, it's coming into singing again. And

138
00:16:02.540 --> 00:16:07.540
like feeling all kinds of things coming up with a singing things

139
00:16:07.540 --> 00:16:11.380
that I'm not good enough, or not valued enough, or that I don't

140
00:16:11.380 --> 00:16:16.540
give it enough place, or I get too much place. It's like, I

141
00:16:16.540 --> 00:16:22.820
don't know what's going on. I guess I don't. I don't know, I

142
00:16:22.820 --> 00:16:28.540
feel. But at the same time, there are victories, like I do

143
00:16:28.660 --> 00:16:32.380
can tell that in some areas, things happen that are hard. And

144
00:16:32.380 --> 00:16:35.300
I can tell that I'm completely in rest, and I wouldn't be

145
00:16:35.300 --> 00:16:39.260
before. Or with my mom today, I know that things can come up

146
00:16:39.260 --> 00:16:44.060
between us because she can be very clingy. So I'm like, I

147
00:16:44.100 --> 00:16:49.580
before I went into her house, I I was like, I just choose to

148
00:16:49.580 --> 00:16:52.860
believe what God says about her is true. And what God says about

149
00:16:52.860 --> 00:16:59.860
me is true. And I'm just gonna embrace it. And her and just

150
00:16:59.860 --> 00:17:04.619
like, yeah. So I do feel like I am moving through things in

151
00:17:04.619 --> 00:17:08.579
rest, too. So it's not all chaotic and frustration, but

152
00:17:08.579 --> 00:17:10.300
also a lot of the frustration.

153
00:17:14.020 --> 00:17:18.380
So all of this is very normal. And you're talking about you're

154
00:17:18.380 --> 00:17:22.140
like, well, was this all there before? Yeah, it was. But the

155
00:17:22.140 --> 00:17:25.540
difference is that because you've started to make changes,

156
00:17:25.579 --> 00:17:28.620
and you've started to shift. Remember what I talked about the

157
00:17:28.620 --> 00:17:31.620
fact that we shift more than we're consciously aware of, or

158
00:17:31.620 --> 00:17:35.580
that we consciously give ourselves instruction to do. So

159
00:17:35.660 --> 00:17:38.980
you do. So remember where I say that, hey, you don't have to,

160
00:17:39.020 --> 00:17:41.780
you don't have to try to understand everything, your soul

161
00:17:41.780 --> 00:17:44.660
and your body and even your spirit will get the instruction.

162
00:17:44.660 --> 00:17:48.380
And they as long as they know from your intention, that, hey,

163
00:17:48.380 --> 00:17:50.820
this is what you have desired. And this is what you have

164
00:17:50.820 --> 00:17:54.580
chosen. This is what you believe about the Lord, they will begin

165
00:17:54.580 --> 00:17:59.660
to shift without you, without you micromanaging the the

166
00:17:59.660 --> 00:18:03.980
shifting. And so you've changed. And so therefore, that changed

167
00:18:03.980 --> 00:18:07.460
you, you know, that that that asked those aspects of you that

168
00:18:07.460 --> 00:18:10.220
are now aligning in different ways, in other words, coming

169
00:18:10.220 --> 00:18:12.860
into more alignment with the truth of the Father, are now

170
00:18:12.860 --> 00:18:17.180
coming into those old situations. And so it they're

171
00:18:17.220 --> 00:18:20.860
they're not as compatible. In those old situations, the reason

172
00:18:20.860 --> 00:18:24.860
why it was easier before is even though you didn't like it, it

173
00:18:24.860 --> 00:18:28.020
was familiar. And there are particular things, especially

174
00:18:28.060 --> 00:18:30.740
the you know, just speaking about families, their particular

175
00:18:30.740 --> 00:18:35.820
ways in which they've all learned to interact. And that is

176
00:18:35.820 --> 00:18:39.020
why dysfunctional family continues to operate the way that

177
00:18:39.020 --> 00:18:43.220
it does, is because you all learn to adapt to the

178
00:18:43.220 --> 00:18:47.460
dysfunction, the dysfunction becomes the normal, you all

179
00:18:47.460 --> 00:18:50.500
learn, okay, if this is the standard, you all suddenly

180
00:18:50.540 --> 00:18:53.660
adjust to that new standard. But that standard doesn't mean that

181
00:18:53.660 --> 00:18:56.740
it's just because it's a standard just because it's, it's

182
00:18:56.740 --> 00:19:02.740
mutually accepted does not mean that it's healthy. So if you

183
00:19:02.740 --> 00:19:06.260
have changed, and now you're no longer operating like that it

184
00:19:06.260 --> 00:19:11.060
feels even more in an alignment than it did before. So anyway,

185
00:19:11.060 --> 00:19:14.220
point is, it's very normal. Now the thing is that just because

186
00:19:14.220 --> 00:19:17.860
you're not in alignment with the same truths or the same, the

187
00:19:17.860 --> 00:19:22.780
same, the same dysfunctionality, you know, operations that your

188
00:19:22.780 --> 00:19:26.380
family has always operated in doesn't mean that you can't

189
00:19:26.580 --> 00:19:29.340
interact with them, or that interacting with them has to be

190
00:19:29.340 --> 00:19:33.180
so hard. There's things that yes, they're disappointing or

191
00:19:33.180 --> 00:19:35.140
frustrating, because you're like, you know what, I really

192
00:19:35.140 --> 00:19:38.020
wish we could have a relationship like this. Why does

193
00:19:38.020 --> 00:19:40.740
it have to be like this? But that's the thing about

194
00:19:40.740 --> 00:19:44.140
relationships. It's a two way street. So you can only have a

195
00:19:44.140 --> 00:19:46.700
relationship with someone a healthy relationship with

196
00:19:46.700 --> 00:19:51.140
someone where the two of you have chosen to meet. So they're

197
00:19:51.140 --> 00:19:55.100
only willing to give you know this much towards you. Well,

198
00:19:55.100 --> 00:19:58.180
then that's all of you that you have had that that's all of

199
00:19:58.180 --> 00:19:59.980
themselves that they're giving you access to.

200
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:02.000
You might want this much of them.

201
00:20:02.000 --> 00:20:04.480
You might want to go, you know, all the way back here, but they're just

202
00:20:04.480 --> 00:20:06.420
not willing to let you in that much.

203
00:20:06.700 --> 00:20:09.740
They're not willing to interact with you that much or vice versa.

204
00:20:09.740 --> 00:20:13.200
You have to meet where there's common ground, where there's a common

205
00:20:13.200 --> 00:20:17.000
agreement that yes, this is how much I'm willing to give, and then you just

206
00:20:17.000 --> 00:20:20.000
meet them there and like, okay, well, that's all that I can have of them or

207
00:20:20.000 --> 00:20:22.880
vice versa, they might want more of you.

208
00:20:23.840 --> 00:20:26.240
But you're not willing to give it, you know?

209
00:20:26.440 --> 00:20:27.480
And so that's fine.

210
00:20:27.480 --> 00:20:30.560
So you just have to kind of like adjust to adjust to that.

211
00:20:30.560 --> 00:20:36.560
So my point is that you just, what helps me when it's with family or

212
00:20:36.560 --> 00:20:42.120
friends or whatever, is if I just, if I stop wishing that it were different,

213
00:20:42.320 --> 00:20:43.800
I can talk to the Lord about it.

214
00:20:43.880 --> 00:20:47.040
I can talk to the fact of, Hey Lord, would you please redeem this?

215
00:20:47.400 --> 00:20:49.760
Would you please create greater intimacy?

216
00:20:49.760 --> 00:20:52.760
Would you please, you know, in my relationship with so-and-so or whatever.

217
00:20:53.480 --> 00:20:55.200
But you can do that.

218
00:20:55.200 --> 00:20:56.640
I don't mean give up or whatever.

219
00:20:56.960 --> 00:21:04.080
But if I accept that, oh, this is where so-and-so is even say, for instance, if

220
00:21:04.080 --> 00:21:08.480
it's a parent or if it's a grandparent, or if, in other words, it's somebody

221
00:21:08.480 --> 00:21:11.240
older than you, or say an older sibling, it's somebody older than you.

222
00:21:11.240 --> 00:21:12.320
And you're thinking, wait a minute.

223
00:21:13.240 --> 00:21:15.040
You know, that's very unhealthy.

224
00:21:15.040 --> 00:21:16.920
You should quote unquote, no better.

225
00:21:17.120 --> 00:21:22.000
Why on earth do I feel like the parent in this situation or the grandparent

226
00:21:22.000 --> 00:21:26.080
in this situation, or, you know, whatever it is, why do the roles feel reversed?

227
00:21:26.080 --> 00:21:27.840
And we can start resenting that.

228
00:21:28.240 --> 00:21:31.040
But if we just kind of accept the fact that, well, that's

229
00:21:31.040 --> 00:21:32.720
just how much they know.

230
00:21:32.960 --> 00:21:34.960
That's emotionally where they've grown to.

231
00:21:35.280 --> 00:21:38.280
That's what, you know, we're all on our own generations with the Lord.

232
00:21:38.280 --> 00:21:39.600
They have to have grace with me.

233
00:21:40.400 --> 00:21:42.960
So I just accept the fact that this is where they are.

234
00:21:43.560 --> 00:21:45.920
They struggle in these areas of their life.

235
00:21:46.880 --> 00:21:51.280
And therefore, if I want to continue to be in relationship with them, then I

236
00:21:51.280 --> 00:21:53.240
just need to accept that that's how they are.

237
00:21:53.240 --> 00:21:57.280
So because that's how they are, what do I want to do?

238
00:21:57.800 --> 00:21:58.920
How do I want to respond?

239
00:21:59.120 --> 00:22:01.640
How much of that do I want to affect my life?

240
00:22:03.080 --> 00:22:05.440
Um, and then just make our adjustments accordingly.

241
00:22:05.440 --> 00:22:07.560
And then you can make boundaries for yourself.

242
00:22:07.560 --> 00:22:09.440
You can make boundaries for yourself emotionally.

243
00:22:09.440 --> 00:22:11.000
You can make boundaries for yourself.

244
00:22:11.040 --> 00:22:13.960
You can do like physical things that help that as well.

245
00:22:13.960 --> 00:22:17.360
Like say, for instance, when you go visit, have certain boundaries for

246
00:22:17.360 --> 00:22:22.120
yourself of like, don't spend all day with them, like get out of the house

247
00:22:22.160 --> 00:22:24.560
a little bit by yourself or whatever.

248
00:22:24.920 --> 00:22:26.080
They may not like it.

249
00:22:26.120 --> 00:22:28.440
Your mom may want to go your mom or whatever.

250
00:22:28.640 --> 00:22:32.760
And the answer is just, no, you don't have to say the word now, but

251
00:22:32.760 --> 00:22:36.640
there's other ways of saying, no, there's other ways of not letting it

252
00:22:36.640 --> 00:22:41.480
happen without being out now, you know, whatever, it depends on the

253
00:22:41.480 --> 00:22:47.480
situation as to how confrontational that it can be, how honest that you can

254
00:22:47.480 --> 00:22:50.360
be with them, that you're telling them.

255
00:22:51.360 --> 00:22:55.480
Some people, at least certain people in my life can't hear that.

256
00:22:56.000 --> 00:23:00.000
So I have to be very diplomatic in how I lay my boundaries.

257
00:23:00.400 --> 00:23:06.600
Other people can handle more honest or not honest, but I mean, it's more

258
00:23:06.600 --> 00:23:13.640
forthright, more, more, less, more transparent, um, communication.

259
00:23:14.000 --> 00:23:16.800
And I can tell them, Hey, no, you know, I really appreciate, I really

260
00:23:16.800 --> 00:23:20.200
need some time by myself or I knew whatever some people just can't

261
00:23:20.200 --> 00:23:23.440
hear that, so I'm, I diplomatically phrase it different and there are

262
00:23:23.440 --> 00:23:26.600
others I can, I don't have to be diplomatic and I can, I, you know,

263
00:23:26.600 --> 00:23:31.400
I'm always kind, but I mean, meaning like I always try to be, but I'm just,

264
00:23:31.440 --> 00:23:34.800
you know, let him, you know, be more honest about it.

265
00:23:35.080 --> 00:23:36.080
Uh, not honest.

266
00:23:36.080 --> 00:23:38.360
It's not that I'm being dishonest in the other, what I mean is more

267
00:23:38.360 --> 00:23:42.000
transparent, that's the word I'm looking for more, uh, less, less,

268
00:23:42.000 --> 00:23:44.520
um, less straightforward on the bush.

269
00:23:44.600 --> 00:23:45.040
Thank you.

270
00:23:45.040 --> 00:23:46.040
Very straightforward.

271
00:23:46.240 --> 00:23:47.320
Let's beat around the bush.

272
00:23:47.880 --> 00:23:53.960
Um, so my point is that, remember, uh, that there are ways of, um, being

273
00:23:53.960 --> 00:23:57.480
who it is that you are, which a lot of what we've been talking about the

274
00:23:57.480 --> 00:23:59.640
past couple of weeks is owning oneself.

275
00:24:00.720 --> 00:24:06.480
And, and yet interacting with other people that you're easily triggered by,

276
00:24:06.760 --> 00:24:13.600
because one of the things that triggers us honestly, isn't so much the thing

277
00:24:13.600 --> 00:24:17.880
itself, it's feeling obligated to respond to it.

278
00:24:18.680 --> 00:24:24.600
We really resent what we feel that their actions require of us.

279
00:24:24.920 --> 00:24:26.200
We're like, I really don't want to do that.

280
00:24:26.720 --> 00:24:28.840
I really don't want to be in that kind of situation.

281
00:24:28.880 --> 00:24:30.480
I really don't want to have to confront this.

282
00:24:30.480 --> 00:24:31.560
I really don't want to, whatever.

283
00:24:31.560 --> 00:24:34.680
Why are you putting me in a situation where I have to do this?

284
00:24:36.680 --> 00:24:42.560
So if you kind of accept situations as they are situations, as they are people,

285
00:24:42.800 --> 00:24:46.760
as they are, and just understand, well, that's how they parent, or that's how my

286
00:24:46.760 --> 00:24:53.000
mom is, or that's how, whatever, if you accept it, it's, it's honestly a lot

287
00:24:53.040 --> 00:24:57.280
easier because you realize that that is just who they are.

288
00:24:57.280 --> 00:25:00.040
And so now it frees you.

289
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:06.920
In other words, you can disc, uh, you don't have to be, um, tied to them in that way anymore.

290
00:25:06.920 --> 00:25:13.600
You can kind of disconnect yourself from, um, how, how to, how to put that it, you can

291
00:25:13.600 --> 00:25:18.600
just kind of, it frees yourself to be yourself and make your own choices.

292
00:25:18.600 --> 00:25:23.320
They, and nobody else can obligate you to anything you get to choose.

293
00:25:23.320 --> 00:25:24.320
Okay.

294
00:25:24.320 --> 00:25:26.400
They made their choice and they're acting like that.

295
00:25:26.400 --> 00:25:28.200
I get to make my choice.

296
00:25:28.200 --> 00:25:30.880
What do I want in my life and how do I want to respond?

297
00:25:30.880 --> 00:25:37.720
And you do it from a, from a, um, um, I was talking to, uh, them about this, um, on what

298
00:25:37.720 --> 00:25:38.720
is today's Tuesday.

299
00:25:38.720 --> 00:25:42.440
I was talking to them about this on the fireside chat on Sunday as well.

300
00:25:42.440 --> 00:25:50.080
You make a, uh, a decision from a place of owning your own self realizing, okay, I'm

301
00:25:50.080 --> 00:25:55.180
not, no one's obligating me to anything just because they act like that doesn't mean that,

302
00:25:55.180 --> 00:25:59.460
you know, doesn't obligate me to a particular type of response.

303
00:25:59.460 --> 00:26:02.820
I can choose very powerfully.

304
00:26:02.820 --> 00:26:06.860
That's the thing that whatever I was looking for, I can very powerfully make my choice

305
00:26:06.860 --> 00:26:08.780
of what do I want to do?

306
00:26:08.780 --> 00:26:10.480
How do I want to live?

307
00:26:10.480 --> 00:26:17.780
How do I want to respond as opposed to thinking that our responses are being forced on us

308
00:26:17.780 --> 00:26:22.220
by someone else's choice, then yeah, we do become resentful.

309
00:26:22.220 --> 00:26:28.660
Um, so I recommend that you go back and watch near the end of the fireside chat that I did

310
00:26:28.660 --> 00:26:33.540
on Monday because I finally got internet, I w I started posting everything.

311
00:26:33.540 --> 00:26:35.940
So I think that all the fireside chats are up.

312
00:26:35.940 --> 00:26:41.820
I'm, I'm trying to get the last two rest groups, um, from last week, uh, but the, all the fireside

313
00:26:41.820 --> 00:26:43.580
chats are up now.

314
00:26:43.580 --> 00:26:48.620
And as I recommend that you go and watch the last part of Sundays, because I talk about

315
00:26:48.620 --> 00:26:49.620
that.

316
00:26:49.620 --> 00:26:55.100
Um, and, uh, because, uh, Tammy was asking a question about, so asking me to more clearly

317
00:26:55.100 --> 00:27:00.980
define what I meant by interacting with other people from a place of owning oneself.

318
00:27:00.980 --> 00:27:04.780
And so I went into greater depth of like, okay, this is what I mean.

319
00:27:04.780 --> 00:27:08.380
And I used examples, you know, like for instance, what we're talking about.

320
00:27:08.380 --> 00:27:13.260
So, um, anyway, is any of that helpful to resonate?

321
00:27:13.260 --> 00:27:16.820
I think you'll understand a bit more also when you go back and watch that last half

322
00:27:16.820 --> 00:27:22.660
of Sundays, um, because I talk about what I mean by owning yourself, but still being

323
00:27:22.660 --> 00:27:23.660
kind.

324
00:27:23.660 --> 00:27:24.660
Okay.

325
00:27:24.660 --> 00:27:25.660
Let me just very quickly say this.

326
00:27:25.660 --> 00:27:31.500
One of the examples that I gave is okay for you can, you can, uh, say Prince, for instance,

327
00:27:31.500 --> 00:27:37.580
someone's trying to manipulate you or someone is, is talking to you in a specific way.

328
00:27:37.580 --> 00:27:42.540
And you're like, I really, before you would have been like, miss, you know, miss people,

329
00:27:42.540 --> 00:27:43.540
please.

330
00:27:43.540 --> 00:27:45.300
And respond in a particular way.

331
00:27:45.300 --> 00:27:49.300
And now you resent it going, you know, I really don't like the fact that they talking

332
00:27:49.300 --> 00:27:52.500
to me like that requires that I have to respond like this.

333
00:27:52.500 --> 00:27:55.900
You know, I really don't want to, you know, that's not really me being honest.

334
00:27:55.900 --> 00:28:00.460
And I feel like I'm forced to, because they just can't handle anything else.

335
00:28:00.460 --> 00:28:05.980
That is a very victim, um, sourced response.

336
00:28:05.980 --> 00:28:13.500
It's feeling it, you're responding out of guilt, shame, victimization, obligation, you

337
00:28:13.500 --> 00:28:15.220
know, manipulation.

338
00:28:16.140 --> 00:28:22.980
So your reason for, in other words, your source or your fuel for responding, isn't a healthy

339
00:28:22.980 --> 00:28:23.980
one.

340
00:28:23.980 --> 00:28:28.300
But what you can do instead is you have to own yourself and remember, okay, I'm not obligated

341
00:28:28.300 --> 00:28:29.300
to anybody.

342
00:28:29.300 --> 00:28:33.860
I'm not obligated to respond any particular way, you know, who am I as a son of God?

343
00:28:33.860 --> 00:28:35.300
You know, am I okay with the Lord?

344
00:28:35.300 --> 00:28:36.980
Are we, are he and I okay?

345
00:28:36.980 --> 00:28:41.540
In other words, does he value me because of what I do, or just simply because of who I

346
00:28:41.540 --> 00:28:42.780
am, no matter what I do.

347
00:28:42.780 --> 00:28:46.580
Oh, he values me no matter what I do, just because of who I am.

348
00:28:46.580 --> 00:28:49.060
And he's perfectly pleased with me right now.

349
00:28:49.060 --> 00:28:50.340
He loves me.

350
00:28:50.340 --> 00:28:54.660
You know, even if I'm in the middle of sinning, he's perfectly pleased with me.

351
00:28:54.660 --> 00:28:58.580
Doesn't mean he approves of the sin, but me and who I am, my identity, he loves me.

352
00:28:58.580 --> 00:28:59.580
So there's no problem.

353
00:28:59.580 --> 00:29:00.580
He and I are just fine.

354
00:29:00.580 --> 00:29:03.860
So there's nothing that I can do in responding to this person.

355
00:29:03.860 --> 00:29:07.900
That's going to make him happier with me the way he is than what he is right now.

356
00:29:07.900 --> 00:29:11.100
That immediately diffuses all the pressure.

357
00:29:11.100 --> 00:29:16.620
And then you also start to, as I refer to it, own yourself, you're like, okay, I'm in

358
00:29:16.620 --> 00:29:18.700
charge of me.

359
00:29:18.700 --> 00:29:20.860
This person doesn't own me.

360
00:29:20.860 --> 00:29:24.660
And God isn't more or less pleased with me based on my response.

361
00:29:24.660 --> 00:29:30.220
He's trying to mature me to respond according to his love, his heart, his will, and his

362
00:29:30.220 --> 00:29:37.260
character, but I'm not earning more of him by particular response or getting less of

363
00:29:37.620 --> 00:29:38.620
him than I already have.

364
00:29:38.620 --> 00:29:43.380
In other words, having him subtracted from me by making a different response, that's

365
00:29:43.380 --> 00:29:44.460
not going to happen.

366
00:29:44.460 --> 00:29:48.380
So immediately, like I said, it diffuses the pressure of the situation.

367
00:29:48.380 --> 00:29:49.980
So that that's what I mean.

368
00:29:49.980 --> 00:29:50.980
You just kind of own yourself.

369
00:29:50.980 --> 00:29:53.100
You're like, oh, I have value.

370
00:29:53.100 --> 00:29:54.380
I'm significant.

371
00:29:54.380 --> 00:29:55.380
I'm important.

372
00:29:55.380 --> 00:29:59.500
No less than so-and-so this person is trying to manipulate me or whatever.

373
00:29:59.500 --> 00:29:59.940
So.

374
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:08.180
From that powerful position, because you're in Christ and you have the power to execute

375
00:30:08.180 --> 00:30:10.500
your own free will.

376
00:30:10.500 --> 00:30:15.000
What do you decide that the Lord wants to guide us and mature us and always making the

377
00:30:15.000 --> 00:30:17.440
decisions that reflect his character.

378
00:30:17.440 --> 00:30:22.140
But my point is you get to decide whether or not you're going to do that.

379
00:30:22.140 --> 00:30:23.340
Are you going to do that?

380
00:30:23.340 --> 00:30:24.860
Or are you going to make a different choice?

381
00:30:24.860 --> 00:30:30.700
You get to choose, are you going to quote unquote obey God or are you not?

382
00:30:30.700 --> 00:30:37.460
That's a very powerful position, the position to determine what it is that you want to do

383
00:30:37.460 --> 00:30:39.100
and to do it.

384
00:30:39.100 --> 00:30:44.380
God always guides us to do what he's, you know, to operate according to his character,

385
00:30:44.380 --> 00:30:47.060
but you get to choose as to whether or not you do it.

386
00:30:47.060 --> 00:30:48.060
Do I want to obey?

387
00:30:48.060 --> 00:30:49.140
Do I not want to obey or whatever?

388
00:30:49.140 --> 00:30:54.060
So from that powerful position of owning your own choice, how do you want to respond to

389
00:30:54.060 --> 00:30:55.660
this person?

390
00:30:55.660 --> 00:31:00.740
You might respond the exact same way as you did when you were people-pleasing, but this

391
00:31:00.740 --> 00:31:05.020
time you're doing it from a powerful position, knowing you don't have to.

392
00:31:05.020 --> 00:31:09.660
And maybe the reason why you respond in the same way that you used to out of a bad or

393
00:31:09.660 --> 00:31:17.500
a negative source, you know, victimization or whatever, guilt, even that, sorry, I don't

394
00:31:17.500 --> 00:31:22.380
remember how I started that sentence, but basically even though you might respond in

395
00:31:22.380 --> 00:31:26.580
the exact same way, you're now doing it from a, from a more powerful position.

396
00:31:26.580 --> 00:31:30.300
But here, Oh, this is what I'm saying, but the reason why you might actually end up saying

397
00:31:30.300 --> 00:31:34.980
the same thing is because you may, that you always used to, but when you were doing it

398
00:31:34.980 --> 00:31:41.260
from a bad point of view, a bad perspective, negative, a weak perspective is because you

399
00:31:41.260 --> 00:31:49.780
realize that's all they can handle, but you know that you don't have to, that you get

400
00:31:49.780 --> 00:31:52.740
to choose powerfully how you respond.

401
00:31:52.740 --> 00:31:57.220
And so you can make a decision, okay, what can this person handle?

402
00:31:57.220 --> 00:32:00.860
And what, where are the, where is our relationship right now?

403
00:32:00.860 --> 00:32:04.580
Can our relationship handle confrontation or not?

404
00:32:04.580 --> 00:32:11.260
And if it can, what level of confrontation can it handle?

405
00:32:11.260 --> 00:32:17.340
You know, and if, remember that you only, that, that the degree of confrontation that,

406
00:32:17.340 --> 00:32:24.320
and conflict that a relationship can bear is indicative of its intimacy.

407
00:32:24.320 --> 00:32:32.640
So the more conflict and, and, and confrontation that a relationship can handle, the more intimate

408
00:32:32.640 --> 00:32:35.100
and strong it is.

409
00:32:35.100 --> 00:32:38.780
So certain people may not be able to handle it.

410
00:32:38.780 --> 00:32:47.260
And if so, don't give them more of your relationship with you in intimacy, then they can

411
00:32:47.260 --> 00:32:49.740
handle of conflict.

412
00:32:49.740 --> 00:32:51.340
Does that make sense?

413
00:32:51.340 --> 00:32:52.940
Because they can't bear the weight of it.

414
00:32:52.940 --> 00:32:59.380
They can't bear the responsibility of the preciousness of your relationship, of relationship

415
00:32:59.380 --> 00:33:00.380
with you.

416
00:33:00.380 --> 00:33:03.900
And I'm not speaking negatively about other people, because think of that you, you have

417
00:33:03.900 --> 00:33:06.980
certain people in your life that really want to be friends with you.

418
00:33:06.980 --> 00:33:10.860
And you're like, I really don't want to be friends with them, right?

419
00:33:10.860 --> 00:33:16.220
Other people have the same thing with us, or it could just be, they really, really want

420
00:33:16.220 --> 00:33:23.700
a deeper intimacy of relationship with us, but they, they don't know how to do that.

421
00:33:23.700 --> 00:33:29.700
They're not willing to make this sacrifice on their end to get to have you.

422
00:33:29.700 --> 00:33:31.060
So and that's their choice.

423
00:33:31.060 --> 00:33:34.980
I have friends like that, that really want to be friends with me, and I really want to

424
00:33:34.980 --> 00:33:39.400
be friends with them, but they can't handle the responsibility of it.

425
00:33:39.400 --> 00:33:41.260
They just want everything to go their way.

426
00:33:41.260 --> 00:33:46.900
I'm like, okay, so they can't bear the weight of the treasure of the relationship.

427
00:33:46.900 --> 00:33:51.140
So anyway, and then you make decisions based on, uh, in your interactions with someone

428
00:33:51.140 --> 00:33:56.300
else based on that, but you do it now from a powerful place, understanding I get to choose

429
00:33:56.300 --> 00:33:57.380
how I respond.

430
00:33:57.380 --> 00:34:02.460
I'm not being made to so, and let the chips fall where they may.

431
00:34:02.460 --> 00:34:06.420
I understand you may mean, oh my goodness, because I ended up saying this or because

432
00:34:06.420 --> 00:34:11.620
I ended up telling mom, no, I'm, I'm going to spend some time by myself, you know, very

433
00:34:11.620 --> 00:34:14.260
kind and as diplomatic as you make it.

434
00:34:14.260 --> 00:34:19.260
The point is though, you are saying it and I don't know how she's going to handle that.

435
00:34:19.260 --> 00:34:21.940
So the thing is, it's like, oh my word, but what if she does this?

436
00:34:21.940 --> 00:34:24.620
And then I have to bear the consequences and repercussions.

437
00:34:24.620 --> 00:34:28.860
No, it just means that you don't get to have the type of relationship with her that you

438
00:34:28.860 --> 00:34:33.060
want, but that was her choice, not yours.

439
00:34:33.860 --> 00:34:38.139
So you choose what you're willing to offer and she chooses how she's willing to respond.

440
00:34:38.139 --> 00:34:41.860
And then she chooses what she's willing to offer and you choose how, what you're willing,

441
00:34:41.860 --> 00:34:43.820
how you're willing to respond.

442
00:34:43.820 --> 00:34:48.380
So anyway, does any of that help?

443
00:34:48.380 --> 00:34:50.980
Yes, uh, it does.

444
00:34:50.980 --> 00:34:58.980
I think, uh, what hit me the most of what you're saying is that I take a lot of responsibility

445
00:34:58.980 --> 00:34:59.980
and to the.

446
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:07.120
relationships. Yeah, you take a very, you take all the responsibility of the relationship.

447
00:35:08.960 --> 00:35:14.560
It's just so heavy. And I have a very good relationship with everyone in my family.

448
00:35:17.600 --> 00:35:22.960
So that's why it's like, why do I, there's actually shouldn't be that much reason to

449
00:35:22.960 --> 00:35:33.040
struggle. Have you had a good relationship with everyone because you're controlling it all? And

450
00:35:33.040 --> 00:35:37.840
I don't mean bad control. I don't mean, I don't mean like manipulation. I mean, because you're

451
00:35:37.840 --> 00:35:43.520
the one who's doing all the work to make it always stay good. With some of them. I think I

452
00:35:43.520 --> 00:35:49.200
do. I think with the kids, when they are getting older and things are changing because I don't

453
00:35:49.200 --> 00:35:56.960
want to lose it. I think I am very much on the offering end. Like, and what you wrote to me on

454
00:35:56.960 --> 00:36:03.520
my last journey share, the one that I typed, go home and enjoy yourself. And then just see who's

455
00:36:03.520 --> 00:36:08.080
going to be around you kind of. And that really helped me because that's exactly what I'm not

456
00:36:08.080 --> 00:36:13.280
doing. I'm trying to find out how can I serve these little kids and teenagers so that they

457
00:36:13.280 --> 00:36:18.240
will not reject me and I can still be as close to them as they were when they were little,

458
00:36:18.320 --> 00:36:24.240
you know, and how can I, can I drive you? Can I buy you food? Can I like, okay, you, you're there.

459
00:36:24.240 --> 00:36:29.840
Okay. Let's, is this a good time instead of just like be home and like, I'm here. No one

460
00:36:29.840 --> 00:36:34.400
want to hang out with me. Then I'm just going to hang out by myself or go somewhere else.

461
00:36:34.960 --> 00:36:42.240
Like, and I think I need to learn to do that in my family more enjoy myself. And maybe at this point,

462
00:36:42.240 --> 00:36:47.840
the two youngest one are, are coming to me quite a bit. So maybe I just need to let go

463
00:36:47.840 --> 00:36:53.200
of the two oldest for now. And just like, enjoy the two little ones because they want to be with

464
00:36:53.200 --> 00:37:00.960
me and not, and not try to cater to the oldest ones. So I don't feel rejected. Yeah. Like enjoy

465
00:37:01.680 --> 00:37:07.040
those that it's not about you. It's just about growing up. That's what I was going to say.

466
00:37:08.000 --> 00:37:15.520
They're just growing up as much as it hurts. We just aren't cool to teenagers for a while.

467
00:37:16.080 --> 00:37:21.280
I had this with some of my friends and kids because my nieces and nephews are in high school

468
00:37:21.280 --> 00:37:27.200
yet. But when all of my friends, kids thought I had hung the moon growing up, I mean, for years,

469
00:37:27.200 --> 00:37:32.880
they thought I was just so cool. And then they got into high school and it's like,

470
00:37:33.760 --> 00:37:39.280
they weren't just, it's not like they didn't just have time for me in my world. They were flat out

471
00:37:39.280 --> 00:37:44.800
rude to me. And I'm going, dude, it's like, absolutely not. Anyway. So they both start.

472
00:37:44.800 --> 00:37:50.560
So two of them specifically started doing that. But as soon as the oldest and I do me as soon,

473
00:37:51.440 --> 00:37:58.080
I mean, like literally graduation day, as soon as he graduated, he changed towards me.

474
00:37:58.640 --> 00:38:04.400
And all of a sudden I was great in his world again. And now the second one just started

475
00:38:04.400 --> 00:38:10.720
doing that. He just graduated. And all of a sudden I'm cool again. And they both want to hang around

476
00:38:10.720 --> 00:38:14.320
me. And I don't know if it's because like they see the world differently because they're adults.

477
00:38:14.320 --> 00:38:19.440
I don't know. But my point is that when we're in high school, there are certain things that we just,

478
00:38:19.440 --> 00:38:24.320
we're just, we're trying to figure out who we are. We don't feel comfortable around other people,

479
00:38:24.320 --> 00:38:28.560
even other people like family, like aunts and uncles that we're supposed to feel safe with.

480
00:38:28.560 --> 00:38:33.840
We just don't feel comfortable with ourselves, let alone with ourselves with someone else.

481
00:38:34.560 --> 00:38:40.160
And so it's, it's a, so anyway, point is I don't think it has anything to do with you. I think

482
00:38:40.160 --> 00:38:46.000
it's them and their struggle and their awkwardness that we all went through are just like trying to

483
00:38:46.000 --> 00:38:50.480
figure themselves out and figure out life and finding certain things cool and certain things

484
00:38:50.480 --> 00:38:56.160
not. And then they just feel awkward or they feel insecure. And then a lot of times in people's

485
00:38:56.160 --> 00:39:05.920
insecurity, they're flat out mean to other people. And I think that's what I do. I take

486
00:39:05.920 --> 00:39:11.600
responsibility for my mom's feelings and for my nephew's feelings and my sister and brother-in-law

487
00:39:11.600 --> 00:39:24.480
and reacting to things. And instead of kind of just let, just accept my mom and like

488
00:39:24.480 --> 00:39:28.080
accept them the way they are and where they at. I managed to do it at times.

489
00:39:28.800 --> 00:39:37.920
So it's not like I feel, but yeah, to a greater measure, let go and not feel

490
00:39:37.920 --> 00:39:44.400
the responsibility. That's not mine. I think. Yeah. So think of it part of, so exchange it

491
00:39:44.400 --> 00:39:48.000
for something. Cause we're all, we're all like, okay, yeah, that's what we should do. But I

492
00:39:48.000 --> 00:39:51.840
didn't know about you, but for me sometimes that feels like lack. It feels like, yeah,

493
00:39:51.840 --> 00:39:58.160
but I, I want these people. They're special to me and now I'm not going to have, but what helped,

494
00:39:58.160 --> 00:39:59.760
what has helped me?

495
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.240
Is if I, and, and I have talked a lot about this is if I choose myself instead,

496
00:40:05.240 --> 00:40:08.960
in other words, like you were talking about, enjoy yourself, have fun.

497
00:40:08.960 --> 00:40:10.000
Like, what do you want to do?

498
00:40:10.420 --> 00:40:14.500
Because if you're like me, you can, you're, which I'm sure that you are

499
00:40:14.500 --> 00:40:16.400
because you you're very independent.

500
00:40:16.400 --> 00:40:18.360
So you can entertain yourself.

501
00:40:18.700 --> 00:40:21.180
You've got all kinds of things you're interested in and all kinds of

502
00:40:21.180 --> 00:40:22.860
things you can always be busy doing.

503
00:40:23.380 --> 00:40:26.520
And so enjoy you enjoy your life.

504
00:40:26.520 --> 00:40:30.360
So it's almost like you want someone to meaning like, we're all like this.

505
00:40:30.660 --> 00:40:32.160
We want someone to enjoy.

506
00:40:32.440 --> 00:40:34.220
We want someone to love on.

507
00:40:34.360 --> 00:40:39.920
We want someone to be there that accepts us fully and unconditionally as we are.

508
00:40:40.340 --> 00:40:45.180
Be that for yourself, choose you, enjoy you.

509
00:40:45.340 --> 00:40:48.880
If someone else comes along and they want, they, you know, they want to

510
00:40:48.880 --> 00:40:52.680
offer something of themselves or they want or need you, Hey, that's great.

511
00:40:52.680 --> 00:40:55.460
And that's bonus, you know, that's bonus and that's icing on the cake.

512
00:40:55.960 --> 00:40:59.720
But, but choose and enjoy yourself.

513
00:41:00.160 --> 00:41:05.000
And that's what you can replace it with, with it in case you ever find

514
00:41:05.000 --> 00:41:07.360
yourself in a situation, like say, for instance, you're trying to connect

515
00:41:07.360 --> 00:41:10.760
with the kids and they're not, and I'm just using that example and there

516
00:41:10.760 --> 00:41:15.240
there's no connection that can feel like an emptiness can feel like, oh, I

517
00:41:15.240 --> 00:41:16.380
wanted to spend time with them.

518
00:41:16.380 --> 00:41:22.040
I wanted to whatever, and you can replace that with, you know, with a, with yourself.

519
00:41:22.040 --> 00:41:22.280
Okay.

520
00:41:22.280 --> 00:41:23.360
Well, what do I want to do?

521
00:41:23.400 --> 00:41:24.180
What sounds fun?

522
00:41:24.760 --> 00:41:30.640
Um, it felt, I noticed that there was less burden for me when I did that, as

523
00:41:30.640 --> 00:41:35.400
opposed to always adjusting myself to always, to make sure that I was always

524
00:41:35.400 --> 00:41:40.320
available, if someone should need or want something or want to spend time with me.

525
00:41:40.780 --> 00:41:48.120
I just assumed that everyone was busy and I just, and I just created my own.

526
00:41:48.160 --> 00:41:50.700
Um, uh, I just kind of did my own thing.

527
00:41:50.760 --> 00:41:51.440
What do I want me to do?

528
00:41:51.800 --> 00:41:53.460
When do I want to do it or whatever?

529
00:41:53.740 --> 00:41:59.480
So as opposed to making myself available, also people treat you better and respect

530
00:41:59.480 --> 00:42:04.620
you more if they subconsciously sense that you don't need them and that you're

531
00:42:04.620 --> 00:42:09.020
not always emotionally or physically making yourself available to their timing.

532
00:42:09.700 --> 00:42:11.180
Then they will begin to adjust.

533
00:42:11.180 --> 00:42:15.420
If they want to be around you, they will begin to adjust their schedule and

534
00:42:15.420 --> 00:42:19.060
their emotional availability to be able to connect with you.

535
00:42:19.660 --> 00:42:23.820
So anyway, so just to give you, um, give you encouragement that,

536
00:42:24.060 --> 00:42:26.140
that you're, you're worth it Renata.

537
00:42:27.020 --> 00:42:30.060
And I know that they would want that all of those people love

538
00:42:30.140 --> 00:42:31.780
and want to spend time with you.

539
00:42:32.260 --> 00:42:36.420
And, um, so, so I believe that you're one of those people that

540
00:42:36.420 --> 00:42:38.140
didn't have to worry about.

541
00:42:38.140 --> 00:42:38.380
Yeah.

542
00:42:38.380 --> 00:42:42.540
But what's going to happen on the other side, it might take a minute for everyone

543
00:42:42.540 --> 00:42:47.180
to kind of adjust because they're not used to it, but they'll eventually get used to,

544
00:42:47.220 --> 00:42:52.460
Oh, well, I like Renata or I like, you know, my sister Renata or whatever.

545
00:42:52.460 --> 00:42:55.380
So what do I need to do to be around?

546
00:42:55.380 --> 00:42:57.020
Or what do I need to do to give to her?

547
00:42:57.020 --> 00:42:58.500
What do I need to do to connect?

548
00:42:58.940 --> 00:43:02.980
And, um, and in the meantime, you give that to yourself, you be to yourself,

549
00:43:02.980 --> 00:43:07.740
what you want, have always wanted someone to be for you and to you.

550
00:43:10.500 --> 00:43:11.420
I hope that's helpful.

551
00:43:12.820 --> 00:43:13.260
Sure.

552
00:43:13.260 --> 00:43:16.540
And thanks for sharing all of that with us on this and on the journey.

553
00:43:18.180 --> 00:43:19.540
So how are you in that?

554
00:43:21.060 --> 00:43:25.620
Um, yeah, I, I'm, I feel like I'm kind of like where I was before.

555
00:43:25.620 --> 00:43:27.220
I feel like I'm, I'm good.

556
00:43:27.220 --> 00:43:28.220
I'm super tired.

557
00:43:28.260 --> 00:43:32.660
I've been, uh, out watching the Northern lights the past two days.

558
00:43:33.260 --> 00:43:43.620
Um, but yeah, it's, um, I'm in this weird spot, uh, where I feel like I've been for

559
00:43:44.220 --> 00:43:44.700
a while.

560
00:43:44.700 --> 00:43:50.740
So, um, like I said, I feel super at rest.

561
00:43:50.820 --> 00:44:01.540
I think, um, I've been able to like, uh, like the past year, like the few, the

562
00:44:01.540 --> 00:44:08.940
past few years or something, I feel like I've gotten a hold of rest in many areas,

563
00:44:08.940 --> 00:44:12.820
especially like kind of when it came to my dad and stuff like that, cause I had

564
00:44:12.820 --> 00:44:19.260
to, cause I went from being codependent to trying to serve, to like doing all of

565
00:44:19.260 --> 00:44:19.740
these things.

566
00:44:19.740 --> 00:44:26.420
So I had a level of rest and, um, you know, when you feel like you're on esteem

567
00:44:26.460 --> 00:44:31.020
or something, so, so where I am right now, I'm still in this job and I'm trying to

568
00:44:31.020 --> 00:44:35.780
have, like, so at some level I have rest, even though things are being thrown my

569
00:44:35.780 --> 00:44:37.900
way left and right, like left, right.

570
00:44:37.900 --> 00:44:38.500
And center.

571
00:44:38.500 --> 00:44:41.620
And it's like, I don't even have a job description.

572
00:44:41.620 --> 00:44:43.580
So I don't even know what I'm supposed to do.

573
00:44:43.580 --> 00:44:45.660
You know, like it's super chaotic.

574
00:44:46.100 --> 00:44:50.340
I was even talking to, so honestly, I wanted to quit like after the first week

575
00:44:50.340 --> 00:44:51.780
I'm like, what am I even doing here?

576
00:44:51.780 --> 00:44:52.940
Like, this is insane.

577
00:44:52.980 --> 00:44:58.780
Um, I know God brought me here, so that's why I'm, I'm at peace, you know?

578
00:44:58.780 --> 00:44:59.820
Cause I'm just like, well.

579
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.000
I brought me here, I have zero clue why,

580
00:45:02.000 --> 00:45:03.120
but I'm here for something,

581
00:45:03.120 --> 00:45:04.520
probably to set up the structure

582
00:45:04.520 --> 00:45:06.520
and like help with something.

583
00:45:06.520 --> 00:45:11.520
But so in those sense, I'm at rest and I'm like,

584
00:45:12.440 --> 00:45:15.240
okay, Jesus help, I have no idea how to do this task.

585
00:45:15.240 --> 00:45:16.080
And then he does.

586
00:45:16.080 --> 00:45:17.360
And they're like super, you know,

587
00:45:17.360 --> 00:45:19.640
like he pulls up and he helps me out.

588
00:45:19.640 --> 00:45:23.640
And one of them was writing an article

589
00:45:23.640 --> 00:45:27.360
and finding all these pictures and it all worked out.

590
00:45:27.360 --> 00:45:28.440
And, you know, they loved it.

591
00:45:28.480 --> 00:45:29.800
And I'm like, that's great.

592
00:45:32.600 --> 00:45:34.520
But at the same time, I'm just like,

593
00:45:34.520 --> 00:45:39.520
oh, I see there's another job posting from my former boss.

594
00:45:40.440 --> 00:45:42.520
And I'm like, ooh, should I just contact her

595
00:45:42.520 --> 00:45:46.680
and be like, hey, so I see you have a position now.

596
00:45:48.120 --> 00:45:49.720
I wanna co-work for you.

597
00:45:49.720 --> 00:45:53.120
But that's like in, it's kind of like in city hall.

598
00:45:53.120 --> 00:45:53.960
You know what I mean?

599
00:45:53.960 --> 00:45:58.640
So it's like deep down, I know that's not my calling.

600
00:45:58.640 --> 00:46:02.320
It's just, it would just be more convenient.

601
00:46:02.320 --> 00:46:04.520
You know, it would be like, oh great.

602
00:46:04.520 --> 00:46:06.000
Then I can walk to work.

603
00:46:06.000 --> 00:46:07.280
I can do these things.

604
00:46:07.280 --> 00:46:12.280
And so I think, I think I'm, yeah, I don't know where I am.

605
00:46:17.440 --> 00:46:21.160
I feel, yeah, cause I feel at rest.

606
00:46:21.160 --> 00:46:23.520
Went to the gym today for the first time.

607
00:46:24.120 --> 00:46:24.960
I've been going on my walks.

608
00:46:24.960 --> 00:46:27.160
I've been cleaning out my closet.

609
00:46:27.160 --> 00:46:28.440
I'm not done with all of it,

610
00:46:28.440 --> 00:46:30.440
but I'm like moving in the right direction.

611
00:46:30.440 --> 00:46:33.640
So in a lot of the areas, I feel like that's good.

612
00:46:34.720 --> 00:46:39.720
I mentioned to you guys before the potential court thing

613
00:46:39.880 --> 00:46:42.160
that's coming up with the entrapment.

614
00:46:42.160 --> 00:46:44.720
And like, I feel like I've been able to just like,

615
00:46:44.720 --> 00:46:48.760
let that go in the sense that I don't think about it a lot.

616
00:46:48.760 --> 00:46:52.560
And I was able to talk to my mom and sister about it.

617
00:46:52.600 --> 00:46:55.520
And it just went a lot better than anticipated

618
00:46:55.520 --> 00:46:58.040
because my mom holds a lot of bitterness

619
00:46:59.120 --> 00:47:01.400
towards this woman, obviously.

620
00:47:03.680 --> 00:47:08.120
So I feel like all of those things are good.

621
00:47:08.120 --> 00:47:11.360
I think I've, I'm quite good at thinking,

622
00:47:11.360 --> 00:47:12.880
not my circus, not my monkey.

623
00:47:12.880 --> 00:47:15.000
Like, and what can I do stuff with?

624
00:47:15.000 --> 00:47:16.240
And what can I not?

625
00:47:16.240 --> 00:47:21.240
And I think I, even going for a walk,

626
00:47:22.680 --> 00:47:24.160
with one of my neighbors,

627
00:47:24.160 --> 00:47:27.600
and there's this marital drama with some of them.

628
00:47:27.600 --> 00:47:29.640
And she's like thinking about it constantly.

629
00:47:29.640 --> 00:47:30.560
And I'm just like,

630
00:47:30.560 --> 00:47:32.400
sometimes I just feel like a bad person.

631
00:47:32.400 --> 00:47:34.520
Cause I'm like, honestly, I'm like,

632
00:47:34.520 --> 00:47:35.840
not my circus, not my monkey.

633
00:47:35.840 --> 00:47:38.560
Like I can talk to them, but like, this is not my,

634
00:47:38.560 --> 00:47:40.640
like, I am not losing sleep over this.

635
00:47:40.640 --> 00:47:44.080
I am not like, this is not my life, you know?

636
00:47:44.080 --> 00:47:48.760
And so I feel like in a lot of those senses, I'm doing good.

637
00:47:48.760 --> 00:47:51.040
But at the same time,

638
00:47:51.080 --> 00:47:53.840
I'm still frustrated in the sense of like,

639
00:47:55.520 --> 00:47:58.520
cause I'm in that 100 X kind of group.

640
00:47:58.520 --> 00:48:01.600
Then I, Pedro is doing another challenge now

641
00:48:01.600 --> 00:48:04.240
about like your field of favor.

642
00:48:04.240 --> 00:48:06.480
And it just frustrates me when I listen to it.

643
00:48:06.480 --> 00:48:08.880
Cause I'm like, I've been listening to this for years.

644
00:48:08.880 --> 00:48:12.920
You know, like, who's your who and like your who,

645
00:48:12.920 --> 00:48:15.080
and your what, and your how, you know?

646
00:48:15.080 --> 00:48:17.600
And I'm like, I don't know.

647
00:48:17.600 --> 00:48:19.040
I don't know what I'm called.

648
00:48:19.040 --> 00:48:20.960
I have no idea, you know?

649
00:48:21.760 --> 00:48:22.800
I just like wonder like,

650
00:48:22.800 --> 00:48:24.800
oh, I felt like God told me to do this.

651
00:48:24.800 --> 00:48:26.800
And so I do this and I just,

652
00:48:26.800 --> 00:48:30.200
I feel like I wander aimlessly around.

653
00:48:31.320 --> 00:48:34.520
And that frustrates me where I can't see,

654
00:48:34.520 --> 00:48:36.560
oh, I'm in this job for this,

655
00:48:36.560 --> 00:48:38.520
and I'm learning this for that.

656
00:48:38.520 --> 00:48:40.120
Or, you know, like,

657
00:48:40.120 --> 00:48:45.000
I have a clear goal or vision of who I'm,

658
00:48:45.000 --> 00:48:46.240
like, who's my world?

659
00:48:46.240 --> 00:48:48.560
Like, who am I here to serve, you know?

660
00:48:48.560 --> 00:48:50.160
So that frustrates me.

661
00:48:50.160 --> 00:48:54.760
And I think the main navigation where I'm like,

662
00:48:54.760 --> 00:48:57.200
oh, well, I know, even though I feel at rest,

663
00:48:57.200 --> 00:48:58.880
I know I'm not okay,

664
00:48:58.880 --> 00:49:01.760
is because I keep putting on weight, you know?

665
00:49:01.760 --> 00:49:03.600
So I keep, and then I realize I'm like,

666
00:49:03.600 --> 00:49:08.040
oh, I keep making bad decisions on what I eat.

667
00:49:08.040 --> 00:49:13.040
So I'm like, that is my kind of, has always been,

668
00:49:13.040 --> 00:49:15.000
it's like self-medication.

669
00:49:15.000 --> 00:49:16.880
It's like, you think it's love,

670
00:49:16.880 --> 00:49:19.040
but it's actually harmful.

671
00:49:20.800 --> 00:49:24.560
So even today, I was like, why do I self-sabotage?

672
00:49:24.560 --> 00:49:26.560
Like, what is the deal, you know?

673
00:49:26.560 --> 00:49:29.320
And it's like, why do I wanna,

674
00:49:29.320 --> 00:49:31.720
so part of it, I feel like it's self-sabotage

675
00:49:31.720 --> 00:49:34.240
and hurting myself, but then also I know,

676
00:49:34.240 --> 00:49:38.520
oh, I think it's probably has to do

677
00:49:38.520 --> 00:49:39.560
with all of these things,

678
00:49:39.560 --> 00:49:43.080
like not knowing who I'm supposed to serve

679
00:49:43.080 --> 00:49:45.840
and this chaotic things at work.

680
00:49:45.840 --> 00:49:49.160
And then this potential court case, all of that,

681
00:49:49.200 --> 00:49:52.280
like the thing not being resolved

682
00:49:52.280 --> 00:49:54.720
in the whole like grief thing.

683
00:49:54.720 --> 00:49:59.720
And so even though I feel at rest, it kind of.

684
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.000
out place where I'm like, Oh, but you're not fine, because then you would be acting differently.

685
00:50:06.000 --> 00:50:10.240
You know what I mean? So if it wasn't for that, I'd probably be like, Oh, my gosh, well,

686
00:50:10.240 --> 00:50:17.740
I'm in a good place. And I'll just like, see what happens and throttle along. But yeah,

687
00:50:17.740 --> 00:50:22.120
but I can't pinpoint it. So I think one of the things I was well, one of the things I'm

688
00:50:22.120 --> 00:50:28.120
also doing is I started watching The Chosen, instead of that weird White Lotus program

689
00:50:28.120 --> 00:50:32.200
that everyone is like, Oh, my gosh, I have to watch it. I'm like, I'm like, this makes

690
00:50:32.200 --> 00:50:36.680
me feel like I've been eating junk food for like a week. I'm like, No, I'm not watching

691
00:50:36.680 --> 00:50:44.960
it. It's horrible. My husband and I saw the trailer and we're like, Oh, I don't understand

692
00:50:44.960 --> 00:50:53.200
what was supposed to be. I know. No. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. I'm like, it's like it's

693
00:50:53.200 --> 00:50:59.440
like, dark humor, satire, kind of mocking society. I don't know. It was just really

694
00:50:59.440 --> 00:51:04.600
bad. Okay. Yeah. I'm like, Why am I watching this? I'm like, No. So I started watching

695
00:51:04.600 --> 00:51:13.160
The Chosen. And then I'm like, Hmm, I Yeah, it's going it's going back to what I know.

696
00:51:13.160 --> 00:51:18.320
It's like, Oh, I need to like go into kind of like meditation and worship and just spend

697
00:51:18.320 --> 00:51:23.480
more time with God. But then, even though I know, that's what I'm, you know, to do.

698
00:51:23.480 --> 00:51:33.040
I just, for some reason, don't. So yeah, yeah. So that's where that's what? Yeah, so that's

699
00:51:33.040 --> 00:51:43.960
where I'm at. Well, um, the did you hear you know, in the Facebook group, that there is,

700
00:51:43.960 --> 00:51:50.920
you know, when y'all did the the rest now, you know, before we did the rest program started?

701
00:51:50.920 --> 00:51:56.600
Did you watch all of those? Like, did you even watch the business ones? No. Okay, so

702
00:51:56.600 --> 00:52:02.320
I recommend going in watching, watching the business ones, like for instance, like how

703
00:52:02.320 --> 00:52:08.560
to start a business and rest how to operate a business and rest how to how to make goals

704
00:52:08.560 --> 00:52:13.960
in business and rest. It's because especially the goals one was something that I thought

705
00:52:13.960 --> 00:52:23.800
about when you were talking. And because it talks in there, I talk about, you get a goal

706
00:52:23.800 --> 00:52:29.200
that the whole point of the goal isn't to reach it. The whole goal is to give you a

707
00:52:29.200 --> 00:52:34.160
direction. Because otherwise, you don't know which way to turn it. You're just like, yeah,

708
00:52:34.160 --> 00:52:36.880
like what you said, I'm just wondering about aimlessly, you know, it's like, where on earth

709
00:52:36.920 --> 00:52:42.760
am I going? You pick a goal. And then between you and the Lord, you know, and you're like,

710
00:52:42.760 --> 00:52:49.660
okay, Lord, I think that this might be what you're saying. You know, you can't hear God

711
00:52:49.660 --> 00:52:55.320
definitively say this, you know, whatever. And even if you hear him say this, hold it

712
00:52:55.320 --> 00:53:00.480
lightly and just be like, Okay, I don't fully know, though, what the full picture looks

713
00:53:00.480 --> 00:53:06.240
like. I just know what he told me. And that could take a variety of forms. Yeah, it even

714
00:53:06.600 --> 00:53:09.920
can take a form in which I've never even seen it happen before, you know, so you just hold

715
00:53:09.920 --> 00:53:15.280
it lightly. And then it gives you a direction to start heading towards. Because again, the

716
00:53:15.280 --> 00:53:20.400
whole point isn't about reaching a destination. The whole point is the actual journeying with

717
00:53:20.400 --> 00:53:25.680
the Lord. Yeah, not in the getting there. And that's not just spiritually, it's also

718
00:53:25.680 --> 00:53:30.880
in physical things about like, business or a book, or you know, or whatever it is that

719
00:53:30.880 --> 00:53:37.280
someone's trying to accomplish. It's actually just, it's actually taking the journey with

720
00:53:37.280 --> 00:53:41.440
them that just developing relation and the point of the journey is the development of

721
00:53:41.440 --> 00:53:47.520
relationship with them. It's not to accomplish something. Yeah, it did develop the relationship.

722
00:53:47.520 --> 00:53:51.040
So anyway, just gives you the goal gives you a direction, you start heading off in that

723
00:53:51.040 --> 00:53:56.240
direction. And then what happens is, like, say, for instance, the law of attraction keeps

724
00:53:56.240 --> 00:54:02.320
thinking no, it teaches, hey, you get a goal. And you hold on to that, no matter what you keep,

725
00:54:03.440 --> 00:54:09.120
you know, you know, spouting, you know, and declaring your affirmations, you keep doing

726
00:54:09.120 --> 00:54:14.160
this. And no matter what, don't let yourself be knocked off the track. But what that as

727
00:54:14.160 --> 00:54:20.720
Christians, what we have to realize is the Holy Spirit, we need to be flexible to the Holy Spirit

728
00:54:20.720 --> 00:54:26.640
moving us. So that means we have to be flexible to be moved from the track. So what you do is

729
00:54:26.640 --> 00:54:30.800
you just get a goal, and you start heading that in direction and then allow yourself

730
00:54:30.800 --> 00:54:35.040
to be moved around by the Holy Spirit. And you start doing this, you start doing this,

731
00:54:35.040 --> 00:54:41.520
you start doing this. And when eventually you'll get to someplace you didn't even know to look for,

732
00:54:42.160 --> 00:54:48.080
you didn't even know we were heading that way. You know, but the point of the goal is to just

733
00:54:48.080 --> 00:54:55.120
give you a direction to start because God can't steer a parked car. So, so that the hopefulness

734
00:54:55.120 --> 00:54:59.360
in it, because that's what I'm hearing probably is in a lot of the thing of like, you're like,

735
00:54:59.360 --> 00:54:59.920
well, I keep

736
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:01.800
eating and I keep doing this and I keep doing that.

737
00:55:01.800 --> 00:55:04.240
So all of this stuff is like indicative to me.

738
00:55:04.500 --> 00:55:09.640
There's still something wrong, but I kept hearing in that is, is

739
00:55:09.640 --> 00:55:13.320
hopelessness of like, hope deferred.

740
00:55:13.980 --> 00:55:14.240
Yeah.

741
00:55:14.240 --> 00:55:16.760
A lot of years of disappointment, you know?

742
00:55:17.020 --> 00:55:18.360
And so it's like, why try?

743
00:55:19.040 --> 00:55:21.560
Wait, there's something in us that is really hard to

744
00:55:21.560 --> 00:55:23.180
squelch the human spirit.

745
00:55:23.180 --> 00:55:26.000
So there is a light in you that is like, no, I'm, I'm going to

746
00:55:26.000 --> 00:55:29.200
endure and I'm hopeful I can keep going, but there's an aspect

747
00:55:29.640 --> 00:55:32.200
that just gets, that just feels like hope deferred.

748
00:55:32.200 --> 00:55:33.840
And it's just like, I am so disappointed.

749
00:55:33.840 --> 00:55:35.160
I'm honestly tired of trying.

750
00:55:35.160 --> 00:55:39.760
And I don't expect there to be a positive result of all of my, my

751
00:55:39.760 --> 00:55:45.120
hopes, my efforts, my direction, my planning, my learning, something

752
00:55:45.120 --> 00:55:49.360
new, my taking on a, on an, what I would have normally thought

753
00:55:49.360 --> 00:55:50.960
to be an exciting challenge.

754
00:55:51.560 --> 00:55:56.440
I expect now that it's all going to, that it, that, that

755
00:55:56.440 --> 00:55:58.280
it's all going to be wasted.

756
00:55:59.040 --> 00:56:03.240
And so therefore why try, why not just eat, drink and be

757
00:56:03.240 --> 00:56:04.680
merry for tomorrow we die.

758
00:56:05.480 --> 00:56:07.920
Why not just be happy now?

759
00:56:08.560 --> 00:56:11.240
Because there's nothing to look forward to later.

760
00:56:11.800 --> 00:56:16.800
And so that those from this belief, my God, it's ultimately

761
00:56:16.800 --> 00:56:18.360
rooted in my God's not good.

762
00:56:18.800 --> 00:56:22.680
It doesn't mean that if you don't get the thing that God is, it really isn't good.

763
00:56:22.920 --> 00:56:26.120
I just mean that we're the, and that only if he's good, will

764
00:56:26.440 --> 00:56:28.400
let you get to that place.

765
00:56:28.760 --> 00:56:32.080
I'm just talking about just in general, this feeling of hopelessness,

766
00:56:32.080 --> 00:56:37.720
dejectedness, disappointment is rooted in us, not believing positive things

767
00:56:37.720 --> 00:56:42.600
about God, because if we did, then we wouldn't be weighed down with such

768
00:56:42.600 --> 00:56:44.160
hopelessness and disappointment.

769
00:56:44.160 --> 00:56:47.560
Because if God doesn't give us this, he's going to give us something better.

770
00:56:48.200 --> 00:56:51.480
We all tell each other that, but we don't actually believe it.

771
00:56:51.480 --> 00:56:51.760
Why?

772
00:56:51.760 --> 00:56:54.000
Because it's, we don't actually believe it about God.

773
00:56:54.400 --> 00:56:58.800
We don't actually believe he really is so good that no matter what he gives us,

774
00:56:58.800 --> 00:57:02.440
it's always going to be better than what it is that we thought that we

775
00:57:02.440 --> 00:57:03.880
wanted, that we're asking him for.

776
00:57:04.120 --> 00:57:07.840
So anyway, so that's what all of this, you know, I was just hearing.

777
00:57:08.960 --> 00:57:13.040
Point is that if you have a goal, but the Lord that you start working

778
00:57:13.040 --> 00:57:19.520
towards, and by that, your goal doesn't even, it didn't even have to be defined

779
00:57:19.520 --> 00:57:24.720
yet, it could, your goal could be like, I don't know, just starting to like

780
00:57:24.720 --> 00:57:31.440
discover and, and, and, and like learn something new, um, in an area that you

781
00:57:31.440 --> 00:57:33.600
think you might be interested in.

782
00:57:34.320 --> 00:57:39.320
And your hope is, well, eventually I, I, I am going to find the

783
00:57:39.320 --> 00:57:40.720
thing that I'm interested in.

784
00:57:40.720 --> 00:57:43.800
So right now, so in other words, there's everything to look forward

785
00:57:43.800 --> 00:57:46.480
to, I actually will accomplish it.

786
00:57:47.120 --> 00:57:53.520
So right now I'm just doing step one of where I will, uh, step one in this

787
00:57:53.520 --> 00:57:58.040
journey of eventually figuring it out or eventually discovering it or whatever,

788
00:57:58.320 --> 00:58:01.520
as opposed to thinking, oh, well, why try?

789
00:58:02.800 --> 00:58:05.560
I, I won't eventually find it.

790
00:58:05.560 --> 00:58:07.320
I won't eventually figure it out or whatever.

791
00:58:07.600 --> 00:58:15.200
So again, getting a goal will help give you a, will help give you a hope and

792
00:58:15.200 --> 00:58:19.160
something to work towards because it's positive because you will

793
00:58:19.160 --> 00:58:21.040
get to start working towards it.

794
00:58:21.280 --> 00:58:23.040
It doesn't mean you'll get there.

795
00:58:23.320 --> 00:58:25.840
It does mean you will make progress.

796
00:58:26.000 --> 00:58:29.560
You will move forward as opposed to staying stagnant.

797
00:58:30.000 --> 00:58:34.680
So, but what you don't want to do is you don't want to decide.

798
00:58:34.880 --> 00:58:37.080
This is the only way it should happen.

799
00:58:37.440 --> 00:58:40.320
And this is the only way Lord that I'm going to be happy.

800
00:58:40.800 --> 00:58:45.160
I'm holding you accountable to it, executing exactly like this.

801
00:58:46.040 --> 00:58:47.240
That's what we don't want to do.

802
00:58:47.240 --> 00:58:51.840
We don't want to be rigid with it because then we can't be

803
00:58:51.840 --> 00:58:53.160
flexible to the Holy spirit.

804
00:58:53.520 --> 00:58:57.720
But there's nothing wrong with having a goal with between you and the Lord

805
00:58:57.720 --> 00:58:59.280
and then heading out in that direction.

806
00:58:59.360 --> 00:59:02.200
And then you're just, again, the whole point is journeying with them.

807
00:59:02.480 --> 00:59:05.720
So while you're, while you're taking these steps, while you're learning,

808
00:59:05.720 --> 00:59:09.080
while you're researching, while you're practicing new things, while you're,

809
00:59:09.240 --> 00:59:13.480
while you're daydreaming and planning, that's what I did with my business is I

810
00:59:13.480 --> 00:59:17.640
just started looking at what are all kinds of things that other people are doing?

811
00:59:18.640 --> 00:59:19.080
You know?

812
00:59:19.120 --> 00:59:23.240
I mean, and, uh, and then I would think about, okay, when am I happiest?

813
00:59:23.880 --> 00:59:26.440
Well, I'm happiest when I work on Excel spreadsheets, because

814
00:59:26.440 --> 00:59:27.440
that's what it was for a while.

815
00:59:27.720 --> 00:59:28.480
I love that.

816
00:59:28.480 --> 00:59:29.360
I absolutely love that.

817
00:59:29.640 --> 00:59:29.880
Okay.

818
00:59:29.880 --> 00:59:31.600
Well, do I want to make a business out of that?

819
00:59:31.600 --> 00:59:32.760
What are the things that I could do?

820
00:59:32.760 --> 00:59:35.840
Well, what do other people do, you know, with the spreadsheets and how do

821
00:59:35.840 --> 00:59:37.240
they make their businesses out of it?

822
00:59:37.560 --> 00:59:40.240
And you could tell that that's just part of my journey because

823
00:59:40.240 --> 00:59:41.320
did I end up doing that?

824
00:59:41.320 --> 00:59:44.480
No, but it was, it was part of it.

825
00:59:44.640 --> 00:59:46.440
I'm like, bless you for loving Excel.

826
00:59:48.480 --> 00:59:48.920
Love it.

827
00:59:48.920 --> 00:59:50.680
It's not even funny how much I love it.

828
00:59:50.680 --> 00:59:58.840
It's ridiculous, but what it did is it got my, my creative juices flowing to the

829
00:59:58.840 --> 00:59:59.960
point where eventually.

830
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.920
I could see other aspects of myself and other things that I liked to not just

831
01:00:04.920 --> 01:00:08.520
Excel, because that was just one of the rabbit trails that I went on, but I

832
01:00:08.520 --> 01:00:10.680
would sit there and I would plan.

833
01:00:10.680 --> 01:00:13.040
And I would, so here's the thing.

834
01:00:13.440 --> 01:00:17.360
A lot of times also, we feel like we don't have enough.

835
01:00:17.360 --> 01:00:20.160
It kind of like comes full circle to what Renata, we were

836
01:00:20.160 --> 01:00:21.200
talking about with Renata.

837
01:00:22.640 --> 01:00:28.800
Um, is that, uh, we can feel like we don't own our own lives.

838
01:00:30.040 --> 01:00:31.680
And yes, God owns our lives.

839
01:00:31.680 --> 01:00:33.400
We are submitted to him and all of that.

840
01:00:33.400 --> 01:00:37.840
But what I mean is we feel that we don't, that our opinion doesn't weigh enough

841
01:00:38.680 --> 01:00:42.480
that, uh, that we're not going to get to do what we want anyway.

842
01:00:43.040 --> 01:00:44.480
And it's just whatever God wants.

843
01:00:46.440 --> 01:00:51.280
We're not considered enough in the equation and that the desires of our

844
01:00:51.280 --> 01:00:54.000
heart are just kind of like, Oh, would that be nice?

845
01:00:55.240 --> 01:00:58.040
And they're not to be taken seriously.

846
01:00:58.360 --> 01:01:00.280
Well, that's very dejecting.

847
01:01:00.320 --> 01:01:01.960
That's very disheartening.

848
01:01:02.720 --> 01:01:05.440
And, um, and it's very self-sabotaging.

849
01:01:05.960 --> 01:01:12.160
So if we planning became so much more fun to me, when I realized that it

850
01:01:12.160 --> 01:01:17.800
mattered, when I realized that it was part of my contribution of God and I

851
01:01:17.800 --> 01:01:24.160
together, eventually moving me, moving the two of us to actually start in

852
01:01:24.160 --> 01:01:28.240
what we were going to eventually do, you know, in life business or whatever.

853
01:01:28.600 --> 01:01:35.120
So if I felt like what I wanted really in, in me planning and creatively

854
01:01:35.120 --> 01:01:41.280
discovering and thinking and dreaming really wasn't going to go anywhere, it

855
01:01:41.280 --> 01:01:47.760
really wasn't going to be valued in the discussion with the Lord, then why do it?

856
01:01:49.040 --> 01:01:53.600
Why not just say so that would, that really just relegated me to just, well,

857
01:01:53.600 --> 01:01:54.280
I'm just waiting.

858
01:01:55.040 --> 01:01:55.920
I'm just waiting on God.

859
01:01:55.920 --> 01:01:58.360
Just tell me it's very disheartening.

860
01:01:58.960 --> 01:02:01.680
So anyway, does, does any of that resonate and help?

861
01:02:02.080 --> 01:02:03.160
Oh, yeah, for sure.

862
01:02:03.200 --> 01:02:03.440
Yeah.

863
01:02:03.440 --> 01:02:08.240
Cause I think that's, I think I had a clear goal before and then, you know,

864
01:02:09.120 --> 01:02:18.800
hope deferred and then, um, I think I'm at where I've kind of lost the dream.

865
01:02:18.800 --> 01:02:20.480
Like, like I don't have the direction.

866
01:02:20.480 --> 01:02:23.480
So part of me is just like, well, God, just tell me, cause you know, and I'm

867
01:02:23.480 --> 01:02:25.520
happiest, so I'm like, just tell me.

868
01:02:25.520 --> 01:02:31.320
But I think this is actually it that it's because I know he told me leave

869
01:02:31.320 --> 01:02:35.000
and he put me where I am and I feel like it's a temporary thing about it.

870
01:02:35.000 --> 01:02:39.280
But I think my fear is, oh my goodness, if I don't, so it's double-sided.

871
01:02:39.320 --> 01:02:41.840
One side of me just wants to be like, just let it go.

872
01:02:41.840 --> 01:02:43.600
Like he told you he's going to do it.

873
01:02:43.600 --> 01:02:44.400
Like, it's fine.

874
01:02:44.440 --> 01:02:47.160
Just relax and just do the best job you can now.

875
01:02:47.520 --> 01:02:52.400
But I think on the other side, I'm terrified that, oh, well, if I don't do

876
01:02:52.440 --> 01:02:54.960
anything, then next year is going to look exactly the same.

877
01:02:54.960 --> 01:02:56.480
Cause I didn't leave me here.

878
01:02:56.480 --> 01:02:58.480
I'm going to be punished for doing good.

879
01:02:58.960 --> 01:02:59.400
Yeah.

880
01:02:59.440 --> 01:03:03.400
And then, and then I feel like that's kind of like with the weight as well.

881
01:03:03.400 --> 01:03:06.680
It's like, oh, well, I want to believe that, you know, like I

882
01:03:06.680 --> 01:03:08.240
can be completely free in this.

883
01:03:08.240 --> 01:03:11.360
And then on the other side, it's like, well, if I don't put work

884
01:03:11.400 --> 01:03:16.080
into it, then I'm just going to keep gaining weight, you know what I mean?

885
01:03:16.080 --> 01:03:22.040
So, um, yeah, so, so it's that kind of like figuring out what do you do?

886
01:03:22.160 --> 01:03:27.880
Like, but I definitely think it has to do with me exploring and God wanting

887
01:03:27.880 --> 01:03:34.440
me to kind of find maybe a new dream or yeah, all, all I know is obviously

888
01:03:34.440 --> 01:03:38.800
I'd love to work with people and be able to work from wherever and for it to

889
01:03:38.800 --> 01:03:44.480
have a positive impact in some ways, you know, like that it's not just about

890
01:03:44.480 --> 01:03:47.760
me being able to traveling around and doing whatever, you know what I mean?

891
01:03:47.760 --> 01:03:53.480
Like it has to, yeah, it doesn't have to, it would be nice if it was like

892
01:03:53.520 --> 01:03:59.360
helpful or joy, like bringing joy or life or freedom or something to people, you

893
01:03:59.360 --> 01:04:04.480
know, um, but yeah, so, so it's really, but I do think it's, it's about that.

894
01:04:04.520 --> 01:04:07.280
Like hope deferred and, um, yeah.

895
01:04:07.600 --> 01:04:13.280
So part of it, what I was kind of sensing is take and coming full circle

896
01:04:13.280 --> 01:04:16.320
again to the beginning of our conversation, you know, with like what

897
01:04:16.360 --> 01:04:18.360
we were talking about with Fernanda is.

898
01:04:19.680 --> 01:04:25.000
You have permission to, to seek your own happiness.

899
01:04:25.760 --> 01:04:28.400
I mean, apart from God, we're not talking about, we're not talking

900
01:04:28.400 --> 01:04:34.280
about going off doing our own thing, but, but to own your own happiness,

901
01:04:34.360 --> 01:04:36.640
unresponsibility for your happiness.

902
01:04:36.640 --> 01:04:39.520
So in other words, you get to, you get to pursue it.

903
01:04:40.000 --> 01:04:42.800
What makes you happy and go try to find it.

904
01:04:43.280 --> 01:04:45.840
Now you're doing it though with the Lord.

905
01:04:46.840 --> 01:04:48.880
And so you're doing it.

906
01:04:49.160 --> 01:04:54.240
And, and that's why I talked so much about the importance of those foundations of

907
01:04:54.520 --> 01:04:58.520
choosing that you are loved by God unconditionally accepted by God

908
01:04:58.520 --> 01:04:59.960
unconditionally, that.

909
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.220
you are, um, and that you're unified with the Lord, because that grounds you in, again,

910
01:05:06.220 --> 01:05:15.660
in union with him, as opposed to operating, um, uh, uh, what do you call it? Um, operating

911
01:05:15.660 --> 01:05:21.380
so separately, you know, operating like, Oh, I'm just trying to find what I want to do

912
01:05:21.380 --> 01:05:30.300
all by myself. And, um, so anyway, uh, and that will help as well. If you realize that

913
01:05:30.300 --> 01:05:40.500
again, what you want and what you discover about yourself is actually an important contribution

914
01:05:40.500 --> 01:05:47.220
to the discussion about what does God want you to do? Because it's really what do, what

915
01:05:47.220 --> 01:05:52.500
do you and God want to do together? That is really the question that's being answered.

916
01:05:52.500 --> 01:05:57.940
Understand again, like I've talked about before, the older that we get in the Lord, in other

917
01:05:57.940 --> 01:06:01.860
words, the more mature, the more that we look and act like him, the greater weight that

918
01:06:01.860 --> 01:06:06.100
our opinion matters in the discussion. And the less that we look like him, the lower

919
01:06:06.100 --> 01:06:13.500
our opinion matters, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't matter because God is trying to

920
01:06:13.500 --> 01:06:23.540
educate us and mature us as to how to form our opinion, form our hearts, desires, you

921
01:06:23.540 --> 01:06:28.340
know? So it's not like, Hey, I'm teaching you how to disregard them. He's teaching us

922
01:06:28.340 --> 01:06:34.700
how to mature them. So how do you do that? He gives us practice. So he intended you to

923
01:06:34.700 --> 01:06:39.540
seek your own happiness. He intended you to discover what is it about me that makes me

924
01:06:39.540 --> 01:06:45.660
feel most alive? How did God make me? Yeah. What do I like most about me? And how can

925
01:06:45.660 --> 01:06:53.380
I express that? So in any way, if you feel more like you have control and ownership of

926
01:06:53.380 --> 01:07:00.940
the process of what you discover, and then it's more exciting to go on the effort of,

927
01:07:00.940 --> 01:07:07.220
of make, of trying to discover it as opposed to thinking that there's no point in the effort

928
01:07:07.340 --> 01:07:12.900
because it's all what God is just going to tell me anyway. But part of God telling you

929
01:07:12.980 --> 01:07:17.940
your, your discovery process is part of the journey of God telling you that's part of

930
01:07:17.940 --> 01:07:25.460
how he will tell you is give him, give the spirit something to respond to. In other words,

931
01:07:25.460 --> 01:07:29.700
you know, give, okay, well, Lord, what about this? Okay. So that's really not me. Okay.

932
01:07:29.700 --> 01:07:34.460
Well, you know, well, what about this one, Lord, you know, give this, bring something

933
01:07:34.460 --> 01:07:40.180
to the discussion, you know, God, because God's like, I like engagement. I love action.

934
01:07:40.180 --> 01:07:48.340
So don't just sit and, and just wait for me to, to, to do everything. Yes, he does create

935
01:07:48.340 --> 01:07:52.860
all of the outcomes. Yes, he does. He is responsible for all of the, you know, all the energy and

936
01:07:52.860 --> 01:08:00.500
all of the source, but there's still, but we get the, we get the fun and lack of responsibility

937
01:08:00.500 --> 01:08:06.340
of just contributing of just, of just, okay, what about this one? Okay. What about this?

938
01:08:06.340 --> 01:08:12.180
It's all of the fun without the weight and the burden of responsibility, the outcome.

939
01:08:12.180 --> 01:08:19.220
So because he is going to guide us in what our contribution and how, and how our contribution

940
01:08:19.220 --> 01:08:26.260
reflects or doesn't reflect his character in us or whatever. So it is, it's a very integral

941
01:08:26.420 --> 01:08:34.979
part that, you know, so often we is missing in our conversations with the Lord is what's

942
01:08:34.979 --> 01:08:40.260
our contribution to the conversation. And the contribution isn't, Oh, what are all of the bad

943
01:08:40.260 --> 01:08:44.580
things that we need to get rid of? You know, and how, how are we all disobedient? We need to learn

944
01:08:44.580 --> 01:08:50.420
how to be obedient. It's the fun things. Cause like, I'm doing all the hard work so that y'all

945
01:08:50.420 --> 01:08:58.340
can have all the fun of dreaming and of whatever, but rely on me for the outcome.

946
01:08:58.340 --> 01:09:04.740
So don't try to go do it yourself, but you know, dream and submit things to me and let's talk about

947
01:09:04.740 --> 01:09:11.060
it. It's that we just have to risk and choose that he really is safe with all those streams,

948
01:09:11.060 --> 01:09:15.939
that he doesn't condemn us for those streams that he doesn't judge us for them. Just cause God says,

949
01:09:15.939 --> 01:09:21.220
no, we're not really going to do that. Doesn't mean that we're bad for having dreamed it or bad.

950
01:09:21.939 --> 01:09:26.340
Wanted it cause just like, yeah, but that didn't reflect me, you know? Cause remember before the

951
01:09:26.340 --> 01:09:30.340
tree of the knowledge of good and before Eve ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil,

952
01:09:30.340 --> 01:09:35.540
she just operated from the Lord's character through what in that sense, there is no good

953
01:09:35.540 --> 01:09:42.100
and evil. There's just God's character. And so that's all, you know, is God's character.

954
01:09:42.100 --> 01:09:46.180
That's all you're going to do. You're never going to be outside of his character, which

955
01:09:46.180 --> 01:09:50.660
is quote unquote evil. You know, you're never going to be that if that's all, you know,

956
01:09:50.660 --> 01:09:55.060
and that was Eve. She was perfect. And Adam was perfect before they said why? Because they knew

957
01:09:55.060 --> 01:09:59.860
nothing but how to operate according to God's character. So anyway, so anyway.

958
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.360
that helpful. Yeah, yeah, it's definitely very helpful. It's, I

959
01:10:05.360 --> 01:10:08.480
feel like that's where we're at, where I'm like, what am I

960
01:10:08.480 --> 01:10:11.480
supposed to do? And he's like, well, tell me like, what do you

961
01:10:11.480 --> 01:10:13.960
want? Like dream like do it. And then I'm just like sitting

962
01:10:13.960 --> 01:10:17.520
there being frustrated, but he's actually inviting me to go

963
01:10:17.520 --> 01:10:25.360
explore. I was reminded of like, what's it called? Runaway bride.

964
01:10:25.680 --> 01:10:28.080
I don't know if you've seen it with Julia Roberts, when she

965
01:10:28.080 --> 01:10:31.640
like likes whatever eggs with whatever guy she's with. And

966
01:10:31.920 --> 01:10:34.600
Richard Gere's like, you don't even know what eggs you like,

967
01:10:34.720 --> 01:10:40.120
and she has to go figure out. So like, oh, yeah, I need to go

968
01:10:40.120 --> 01:10:43.560
figure out what kind of eggs I like. I do know. But you know,

969
01:10:44.840 --> 01:10:49.280
yeah, all the kind of eggs I like. But I figure out what I

970
01:10:49.280 --> 01:10:51.840
like doing and what I was. Yeah.

971
01:10:52.960 --> 01:10:57.080
Well, good. Super helpful. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome.

972
01:10:57.080 --> 01:11:01.560
So just enjoy it. And know that it's not a burden. It's not your

973
01:11:01.560 --> 01:11:04.800
responsibility to figure it out. It's all the fun of the

974
01:11:04.800 --> 01:11:08.600
exploration, as opposed to finding the exploration

975
01:11:08.600 --> 01:11:11.520
burdensome, because we think that we're responsible for the

976
01:11:11.520 --> 01:11:16.120
outcome. Yeah, it's just, it's just all of the fun of being on

977
01:11:16.120 --> 01:11:19.160
the discovery process. Yeah, it's all the fun without the

978
01:11:19.160 --> 01:11:21.520
burden and the weight and the responsibility. Yeah.

979
01:11:22.120 --> 01:11:22.640
Okay.

980
01:11:25.320 --> 01:11:28.680
You're welcome. So I recommend going back and watching some of

981
01:11:28.680 --> 01:11:31.480
those, you might find them helpful. Because you might hear

982
01:11:31.480 --> 01:11:35.480
some things in there that maybe because it's been two, almost

983
01:11:35.480 --> 01:11:38.520
three years since I made this video. But I'm assuming that in

984
01:11:38.520 --> 01:11:40.880
there, well, in fact, I know that there is there's a lot of

985
01:11:40.880 --> 01:11:46.040
things, you know, that was about my big, how I, you know, took my

986
01:11:46.040 --> 01:11:50.040
journey. Yeah, there might be things that specifically might

987
01:11:50.040 --> 01:11:54.040
help you in your situation. You know, amazing. All right.

988
01:11:54.520 --> 01:11:58.920
You're welcome. Okay. Oh, and one more thing, huh?

989
01:12:00.480 --> 01:12:02.200
No, I just like good to see you. Yeah.

990
01:12:02.720 --> 01:12:06.280
Good to see y'all too. And one more thing there is or two more

991
01:12:06.280 --> 01:12:10.080
things. One, there is something I added in the supportive

992
01:12:10.080 --> 01:12:12.960
teachings, you know, the rest, retreat and supportive

993
01:12:12.960 --> 01:12:15.920
teachings tab, I added one called the ultimate choice,

994
01:12:15.920 --> 01:12:19.840
Tammy was asking me some questions about it. And so I

995
01:12:19.840 --> 01:12:23.160
added, I said, Oh, well, I think it would be helpful. But I think

996
01:12:23.160 --> 01:12:26.120
she was, or maybe it was someone else. And then Tammy just

997
01:12:26.120 --> 01:12:29.360
commented on it. I don't remember. But thing is that, and

998
01:12:29.920 --> 01:12:34.240
I added that it's an article, I just an article, a real written

999
01:12:34.280 --> 01:12:38.840
written up thing. And so there's that. And then I will try to get

1000
01:12:38.840 --> 01:12:42.480
the last rest groups up. For whatever reason I was having, I

1001
01:12:42.480 --> 01:12:45.520
was trying to post them and they were just and they were stopping

1002
01:12:45.520 --> 01:12:47.680
midway and just spinning and they wouldn't, they wouldn't

1003
01:12:47.680 --> 01:12:51.280
post. So I'm trying to work on that. And then Oh, yeah. And

1004
01:12:51.280 --> 01:12:54.800
then of course, y'all have transformation sessions. And I'm

1005
01:12:54.800 --> 01:12:58.640
going to do and so I'm going to open the calendar for y'all to

1006
01:12:58.640 --> 01:13:03.480
start scheduling those. So I'll mention it in the Facebook chat

1007
01:13:03.680 --> 01:13:07.480
group about like where it is that you can go to click and

1008
01:13:07.480 --> 01:13:14.560
find what what time is best for y'all. So anyway. Okay, well,

1009
01:13:14.560 --> 01:13:15.640
good to see y'all.

1010
01:13:18.960 --> 01:13:22.360
Or whatever. All right, you're welcome. Bye.