Oh, oh, hi. Hey, how are you doing? Oh, I'm so cold. I've been out walking and I'm like,
well, I feel embarrassed. I'm cold too. And I'm sure that I,
my area of the world is much warmer than yours. Yeah. Oh, it's been really, really cold. It's
crazy. Oh, I'm sure. I don't know what ours is now. Um, maybe it's in the, maybe it's
in the sixties. I don't know. It may not be that cold, but it's, uh, it's overcast and
wind is blowing, which obviously makes it feel cooler. So, and for whatever reason,
I I'm probably just going to need to exercise more. I don't, maybe my blood's not flowing.
It's really, I am telling you what I'm having. My, my, my husband's and my body temperature
is vastly different, which I understand is very normal, but I'm going, I can't live like this.
We're going to have to agree on a temperature to keep the house set. Cause I'm like,
I'm like having to spend my time outside in the sun trying to get warm, you know?
What are we going to do? Well, no, and he's not doing anything. It's too cold. It's just that to
me, it feels cold. And I'm going, okay, actually, you're just going to have to exercise or something
because this isn't normal anyway. So, yeah. So, uh, what had happened was I was on here
and I'm waiting and no one gets on. So I'm like, I wonder if they got on the other meeting. So I
jumped on the other meeting and that's why it said meeting in progress when y'all jumped on
is because by then I switched over to the other one thinking maybe they're on the other one.
All right. Yeah. I was just like wondering what was up, but now I get it. Yeah. Yes.
So how's it going? It's our last rest group for this program. Y'all doing good. Oh my gosh,
that's crazy. Yeah. We booked a, we booked a trip to Spain today. So we're going in two
weeks for like a long, well, five, two of y'all. Yeah. Oh, cool. That's wonderful.
And Renata used the rest, the rest tool when deciding where we should go.
Cause we're like, I want to hear about it.
Yay. I want to hear about that. Like, what do you mean that I did?
You did like a rest thing. Like you laid down, you just let it come to you. Like where we're
going to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it was really interesting because I'm,
I'm both Annette and I are major travelers. We've been to, I've been to 30 something countries
used to have like big travels every year, but then Corona hit and I haven't traveled abroad for
three and a half years. So it's kind of like, for me, it's a big thing. It's like going on the
horse again. So it's actually like a big thing. You haven't been abroad? No, I was in Taiwan in
2019. What? Over three years ago. Oh my gosh. It's like something died in me these years with
Corona that I just stopped traveling, stopped dreaming about traveling. And now then I felt
like now it's time to get back on the horse again. We've been talking about finding something
you like and that you enjoy and traveling has been such a big part of my life. So I thought,
well, I kind of, people have said, Oh, you can come on a missions trip. And I'm kind of like,
I don't want to go on a missions trip. If I want to go, I want to drink wine and have fun and chill
and not be bored. I don't want to serve. I want to be served.
Because I usually, when I book travels, I usually stress a lot because it's a lot about,
Oh, the planes are going to be taken and the prices are changing and you need to,
there's like a lot of like stress around it. But this time I really just relaxed through it all.
And it was just like, whatever happens. New record, new way of doing it.
Yeah. I enjoyed it more. And I wasn't so stressed about getting the best place or getting the
cheapest tickets or the best deals. I was kind of like, if it's going to happen, it's going to
happen. And then letting God take care of places in Spain. And I was just like, then this one place
came up in my mind and I thought, all right, let's go with that. So we're about a relaxing experience.
Oh, I'm so glad to hear that. That's wonderful.
Yeah, when I when I went to Croatia, I was I was in Turkey. And I needed to. And I needed to leave
within like, what was it? See, so I was driving with my friends from Izmir, which is my hometown
where I grew up, driving, we were driving up the coast to Istanbul, and then we were going to stay
trying to remember. So we were driving up, and then we were going to stay the night and then
the next day they were going to leave, they were going to fly out. And, and so I needed to find
unless I was going to pay for an additional night at the hotel. I was like, well, then I need to pick
where I'm going to go. And so and I just kept delaying it because I'm like, well, I don't know
where and, and it wasn't so much that I didn't know where I wanted to go. It was that I was
also waiting for COVID was locked, we had locked down a lot of countries. So I wanted to eventually
go to Italy, I had committed to going to Italy, Italy to speak to minister, but Italy wasn't open
yet. So I'm like, so where am I going to go? What what place will take me, you know, in the middle
of COVID? You know, what place will take me, you know, and, and anyway, you know, with all of the
passport stuff, and whatever. And finally, and all of the restrictions of like, well, do you have
the vaccine? Do you not have the vaccine and all of that stuff? And so I finally a friend of mine
mentioned Croatia, and I'm like, what's Croatia? Is where does it sound? I know, I'd always heard
it. I know, I'd heard it, you know, and learned about it in like, geography class. But other than
that, I didn't know anything about Croatia, you know, and I didn't know Game of Thrones was like
film there because I didn't watch Game of Thrones. I knew nothing. And I was like, I don't know what
Croatia is, you know? So and then my friend was telling me about it. They're like, Oh, yeah, I've
always wanted to go to Dubrovnik and Croatia and whatever. And I'm like, really? Is that great? So
let me look it up. And let me look at bed and breakfast or not bed and breakfast. Let me look
at Airbnbs there and whatever. So like, literally the day before I need to literally fly out of the
country. I'm googling where to go. And I decide on you know what, this looks like a cute little
Airbnb in Dubrovnik, Croatia, which I've never heard of either the city or the, you know, or
know anything about the country. And okay, that's where I'll go. So I booked my ticket and 24 hours
later, or maybe it was less than 24 hours later, I was flying into the country. This is interesting.
So you know, again, just all in rest, like, okay, Lauren, where do I go now? And then he puts me in
Croatia. And I loved it. I had a time. Yeah, and I was I, I, I launched my website in Croatia.
And I saw in the spirit for the first time when I was in Croatia. And God just gave me a really
special time between he and I for those two weeks, I was able to stop for a while because
we've been traveling solidly for like six weeks. And anyway, it was so very special. Some of the
wildest stories that I have happened in Croatia, like wild, like faith stories between me and the
Lord. And but it's all because like what you're saying, you just like, okay, how, what does
traveling with the Lord in rest look like, you know, when it's not stressful when it's not like,
Oh, my goodness, I'm gonna miss out. And I just like, just hold it all very loosely and let the
Father give me what gifts he wants. And I don't know the gifts that are out there to even ask for
them. So now you just kind of like you're, you participate, but you allow the Lord to bring you
what he wants. And then you just discover while you're experiencing it, how good of a gift it
really is, and what all is included in that gift, you know, and what all of God you discover. And so
I'm excited for you, you're writing your, because you say that this is so much a part of your life,
and you haven't done it for so long. And now you're doing it in Russia, you're writing a new record
of how you're choosing to live and experience a certain aspect of your life. So you're
reestablishing, no, this is how it's going to be, you know, so, and this is who my God is.
And, and I'm stepping out in action on the faith that I'm choosing is actually true of who God is,
and my safety in him. And the fact that he is providing for me, and he's gonna, he's gonna
work things out. And even if everything goes to pieces, I just follow him, like from the world's
perspective, like, oh, my word, this didn't work out. And I'm like, where we miss this.
It's not as chaotic, and as missing out as we think that it is. It's just like, oh, no,
I'm just being redirected. So it's like, okay, Lord, if that doesn't work out,
what are you going to provide for me instead? You know, it no longer, it no longer has to only work
a specific way, in order for God to be.
showing himself to be good. I mean, you know, you're just, you're just allowing yourself to
your the traveling is simply allowing yourself to take a journey with him, like spiritually with
him. Okay, Lord, what are we learning today? What are we doing today? And how are things flowing as
opposed to this is what I want to happen. And this is how it's going to be. And so God, if you love
me, you're going to help make it happen. You know, like I said, total writing a new record. So that
is wonderful. I'm so excited. The two of y'all are doing it together. Yeah. Good. I'm excited.
I didn't know it had been so long since you had been traveling. No, it's like first time with you.
You've been traveling quite a bit after Corona. But I've just been to Oslo, like the capital city.
Like I've been a lot to Oslo taking planes, but not abroad. So I kind of felt like I lost the
desire, I lost the joy and desire in it. And I don't know, I even this time, it's kind of like,
I need to get into it again. Like, like I said, get get onto the horse. It feels like I fell off
the horse, and I don't care anymore about traveling. It's just like, well, 20 years of my life.
Now, not anymore. But that I think it's not that I don't enjoy it. It's just that
I kind of fell asleep when it came to traveling. So you just like lost all the desires.
And the Spanish, they do Easter, like, I hope they do it where we're going as well. But they
have these huge caskets of like, it's like, carrying Jesus. They're like, I know.
Zorro, what's his name? The actor, Antonio Banderas. He is what he he's a part of this,
like every year, I guess. And there's like, probably, depending on how big they are,
I think they said between like 20 and 50 men, like carrying this thing on their shoulders.
And they have it's like, it's massive. It's kind of weird. Their outfits, they kind of look like
Ku Klux Klan. Yeah, it's crazy. But I don't know what this is like. Yeah, no, they do like
different colors. It's like, it's like white. And it's Yeah, I mean, we're joking about it,
because I went with I went for a wedding. So we had an African American that was with us. And so
he was joking about it. He's like, Oh, no, they're coming. And we're like, Oh, my goodness. Like,
obviously, it's not about that at all. So yeah, I but I had to like explain on my social media
because people are like, Where are you? What are you celebrating? It's not okay. And I'm like,
Oh, my goodness. I'm in Spain. It's not this like, yeah, it's probably something Catholic,
right? Where you're like, now see the face or it's dead or it's death or something that they're
doing. Yeah, and they do different colors. And yeah, I remember I read about it, but I forgot.
So I'll have to like look it up. But it was just like massive music. And I'm like, Well, I've never
seen I've never seen this before. You know, in Spain, is that where they do like for Easter?
Is that where they do like the colors on the sidewalk and stuff like go to pictures? Or is
that some other country that does it? I think they do it for Easter could be wrong. I don't know.
Maybe they it's a it's a Latino meaning like, you know, you know, some country that speaks Spanish,
that may not be Spain. Maybe it was maybe it's in Latin America, where they do do something. But
I remember thinking, oh, that's so interesting that they celebrate Easter with like this,
all of this stuff on the sidewalk. So I was wondering if it was if it was Spain, but they
may not. Well, so now you say that they're doing this, are they doing it the town that y'all are
going to? Or they can? I haven't, I haven't checked, but I just thought of it. I'm like,
so I'm gonna have to check it out to see if they have. It'd be fun for you to see that we're not.
Yeah. And before I think about before I forget about it, you had asked in a
in one of your journey shares for me to post that thing that I referenced about healing your
your soul and embody through your spirit. So I just got I just got that posted. So
I think I listened to that twice. And I was like in the first time I thought thought about it. And
then a second time I was like, oh, shoots, I forgot to ask him about that. I'm like,
I'll just do it in the journey share. So I like, yeah, yeah. So it's just this little
write up. It's very short, but it's just basically gets you an idea about like how
like get it's an example of a prayer. It's kind of what I've prayed, you know, to I say pray.
I mean, so I'm not talking to God, but like, it's this thing that is this instruction to my
soul, to my body, to to my spirit. So it just kind of helps people get an idea about what it
was I was referring to. So before I forgot about it, just wanted to make sure you knew it was there.
So thank you.
Yeah. So, are y'all doing what can y'all update me on or do y'all have questions or what are things going.
It's going good. I haven't signed up for the sessions yet so but I wrote you a messenger about that so maybe we can look into that for like next week or something I don't know when it was, I couldn't find the sessions.
I couldn't find the link, but we can do that after like on messenger or something, but, um, um, yeah I don't know do you want to, do you have anything you want to share or not or do you want you want to, you can start.
I mean I don't I'm just like I'm currently it's I mean it's the same thing that I'm like that I've been doing. I've been to I feel like I've been doing better like I've been walking every day I started working out.
I cleaned my room, it's fine, like I have one closet left but it's like I can walk on the floor, like it's fine I can finally have my curtains up.
And I like booked so many appointments so I feel very accomplished.
Yeah, so so a lot of good things are happening I'm very excited about the Spain trip and it's.
But yeah, I, I've reached out to a my former boss because she has posted a position but it's like with City Hall, and she was like, she said she had encouraged somebody else to apply but that she was looking to maybe hire two people if she had good
I would very much like to see your application so I've been talking to Renata about that like I'm going to.
So I'm going to do that and I'm going to try to do.
I think I've been doing this and rest, the other times where I've just been like, I'm just going to apply and I've asked God like, hey, if I'm not going to have this like don't let me come to the interview like I just don't want to be a part of a process
and take up all this time, if I'm not meant to do that.
So it'll be interesting to see but I'm.
I think I'm peaceful in that sense, and I, and I feel quite confident that I'll find the rest there but it's like but I, I think what I'm questioning is, am I being disobedient you know because I know God was telling me to leave my other job and come
up where I am right now.
And I'm able to kind of like be at peace, even though it's extremely chaotic, but I'm just, I'm finding myself questioning like, why am I here like it's okay if I'm here for a purpose but like life's too short to kind of be in a job you don't enjoy
I feel like it's just taking up so much of my time so I think that's what I've been thinking about.
And what I will probably take up and like the transformation session I was telling Renata I'm like oh there's like the three things that's always there it's like, it's the weight, it's like being single and it's what am I going to do with my life it's like always
those three things, but.
And I feel like there's a root thing so there's like with the weight I'm like, I thought I had overcome something and figure it out a root system and like broken some soul ties or did this things and you know like I.
And then I'm like, Oh, clearly not because here I am again you know, and then that's what kind of what I feel with work as well I'm like, Oh, well, I didn't enjoy my first job, I didn't enjoy the job I had before.
I didn't enjoy this job so I'm like there's this like discontent that I think we're not and I've been talking about like genuinely where I just I'm just discontent and I'm like I can't.
So I don't know if it'll matter if I change jobs, again, you know what I mean, or, like, I think we're not I had mentioned like all. I don't want another weight like a year being on on weight, you know if some like, I don't know if I'm discontent because
I'm genuinely not where I'm supposed to be, or if it is, you know what I mean some. I'm kind of like, so I guess so it's a weird place where I'm like, I'm at rest but I'm not I can I can see there's some root things and then run out and I started
talking, and I'm like, Oh, body spirits body soul spirit like, um, do you use spirit tools for this because you don't have faith enough for like being in the know to use the tools for the soul because you don't have enough faith for the spirit so clearly there's
a lot of like bricks and brackets where I'm like, I don't really see the full picture.
You can probably tell by how
So I don't know if this is making any sense, but maybe Renata can translate for me if not.
Yeah, you were saying, for instance, before you used to cut ties and you would realize, like,
cut soul ties, and then you thought after you learned this teaching, you thought that, okay,
but when you're in the spirit, you don't have to cut soul ties. So do you do it if you just don't
have enough faith to live by the spirit in relationships? Like, or kind of things that
we learned that doing things in the soul will cause death, but you can do the same things in
the spirit and will cause life. And just like, no, but do we still have to keep doing the things
that we did from the soul perspective, but just now as sons and daughters of God, that you just
do it with another kind of authority and another kind of, it will bring more life than it did when
you were just operating out of the soul. So that's one of the things we discussed today.
We were just, it's a great answer Renata, exactly. Is that there's nothing wrong with,
and this is something that I've noticed that people have taken what I'm saying to sound as if,
as if, well, we all want, we all want like to live in the spirit all the time and have ultimate
faith and whatever. So we're so used to condemning ourselves for anything that we think of as
not that, you know, or less than, or, oh, see, I'm not good enough or, and, and I don't. And,
and so it's always kind of really shocked me. I mean, it shouldn't shock me, but it does. Cause
I, I thought the same thing, but it always, it always, I think it kind of bothers me that it
affects people at like, that they feel condemned, like, oh shoot. Well, if I'm not doing this,
well, I'm using a tool and a tool isn't good enough. And is it, that's a problem. I mean,
no, no, no. This is a good thing. It's like, Hey, you now approach the same tools that we used to
use, but now from a place of hope now from a place of who it is that we are, as opposed to
I'm not, I'm not good enough. And therefore I always need help and whatever it's like, no,
I'm a King and I can use this to help me, uh, to help me on my life learning process of being
taught by tutors and governors, you know, like in the spirit or whatever. So we, I,
I recommend that we always take it. We just, we do some of the same things. We're just approaching
them more from a hope-filled faith-filled perspective as opposed to the feeling like,
oh, I'm not doing everything I should. I now need to work hard enough harder. And we approach the
tool like that. Then it's, then it's a bit more of a battle. Like, oh my word, I got to fight for
spiritual warfare. I got to fight for this. And I got to do the hard work of cutting soul ties.
And I got to do the hard work of this. It's more from, oh no, I can effortlessly cut a soul tie
because of the authority that I have in Christ. I choose that. I have that authority. And from
that authority, I'm declaring that it's a more effortless from rest way of using the tool.
And there's nothing wrong with tools. Jesus used tools. Jesus was here on earth. He used tools. He
used literal tools, you know, and carpentry and all of that. There's nothing wrong with the way
that God created the principles of the kingdom of the principles of how the, of how the world,
how the spirit realm works and, and, and stuff. And, and there's nothing wrong with unit. Think
of it. Think of also like using the name of Jesus, you know, in order to tell a, to tell a demon that
he no longer has any right to you. Hey, look, I declare, you know, I command you in the authority
of the name of Jesus Christ to leave or whatever. Well, you know, do we want to call that a tool?
I mean, like there's nothing wrong with that. That's a great thing. So in other words,
it's, I just encourage you to, to not receive it as like condemnation, but really from a person
from a very like, Oh my word, I'm not doing good enough. I'm having to use a tool. No,
it's like, that is a good gift from a good father. He's like, I only create good things.
And I love the fact that you appreciate and want to utilize something that I created and gave to
you as a gift and you call it as opposed to us thinking, Oh, it's less than, and God's just like,
um, enduring me while I, while I'm little enough to use it, have to use that. I was like,
I don't know. It's a great thing. Take advantage of it. I think it's fine. You know,
he just wants us to know we're not subject to it. He's like, I want you to eventually be strong
enough or no one, uh, not know enough, but like, uh, know who it is that you are enough that
eventually when you become a, when you become, you know, you're a Prince, like you're, you're
only five years old, you know, eventually when you're 35, you'll have so much strength because
all of the experience and the practice that you put in that you no longer need the things that
you used to. But there's nothing wrong with utilizing the things that you need to teach
you that. Jesus even learned things. Jesus wasn't born into it. He learned it. I mean,
he was born into who he was, but he even learned things. He even learned obedience. Jesus Christ
had to learn obedience, it says in scripture. So in other words, there's this process of growing
and maturing. And so there's nothing wrong with this, using all of these things that God gave us
to help us along the way, because he loved us. He's not like, okay, fine, if y'all aren't going
to do it, well, then I'm just going to have to endure you doing this thing I really don't want
you to do because I want you to be doing this instead. No, it's all the using the tools is part
of the process. So it's all good. Yeah. Is that helpful at all? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because I have because I'm just thinking, oh, because before this is what I would do as well,
where I'm like, um, there's definitely some root issue going on here, you know, like there's
something because it's the same thing that keeps coming back and back and back. So I'm like
interested to finding that and kind of kick it to the curb. I'm kind of Yeah.
Um, another thing that might be helpful, this has come up recently, to me, in fact,
I may have even been thinking about yesterday or the day before is that when we're in seed
in things that where we feel frustrated with ourselves, because we're like, I'm sorry, Lord,
I'm discontent. I feel like it shouldn't be this way. And that I'm always behind. And everybody
else has figured it out. But there it is that they're going to do that they're gonna, I don't
know, or how it is that they're going to do x, y, and z, and they're getting success, but whenever
they want to, but whenever I think about doing it in that way, or whatever, I there's just something
in me that resists and, and Lord, you know, what on earth is going on? And why am I just not
satisfied? Why am I not content and all of that. And one of the things that I realized is, is like,
you know, God, sometimes, sometimes we're just content, because God's just like, that's not what
I have for you. But it doesn't, but he hasn't revealed to you what he has for you yet. And so
it doesn't mean that you're missing something, because you're not there yet. So you're not off
the track. Yeah, now, it's in it, we think that because we're not at a specific place that we're
that we're like, we're not in God's will that we haven't. I don't know that we're not finally
doing what we were meant to do, or whatever. And really that we and then we condemn ourselves for
it, like, Oh, my goodness, you know, I shouldn't feel discontent or whatever. And it's a lot easier.
Like that, feel like feeling frustrated because of the because of the discontent
is resistance. And then it's going to take longer to go through it. And longer to realize or to get
clarity from the Lord about what it is that he does have for you, or what it is meaning life,
and he wants to eventually move you into, because he uses all of this, he uses the discontent,
which we think of as sin. But we don't mean to I don't mean discontent. And what it is,
is, I don't think that everything that we're dealing with is a discontent of, this is basically
what I'm trying to say, that I don't believe that everything in you that feels that you're
labeling as discontent, is actually sinful discontent. Now, sure, we put a negative spin
on it. And we think, oh, and we start accusing God because of it. Well, that's discontent, whatever.
But what is that coming from might simply be because your spirit is aware that there's some,
there's more coming. Yeah. And it's getting you ready. So think, for instance, about a body
going through the process of childbirth, is when it's in that transition phase, there is a lot of
stretching, there is a lot of pain, there's a lot of pressure, there's a lot of all kinds of stuff.
And we keep thinking, oh, my word, something and it because it feels like not that I've ever had
a baby, but I mean, you know, just that idea feels like there's something wrong. I know what
I'm like, when I'm normal, and I'm not meaning like when I'm not pregnant. And then, and then,
you know, there's going to be a baby on the other side of this, but the middle ground and how I'm
getting there is just all wrong. It shouldn't be like this. And it's not supposed it's like,
no, no, no, this is this is it means that everything's going right. This is what's
supposed to happen. So anyway, my point is that I would recommend that you think about, and you
just you just, you just release the fact that you are are release the
cern and the condemnation and the frustration that you are discontent is if you feel like
you're I mean if you're feeling like I shouldn't be this way you know I should be grateful I should
be content I should be whatever and assuming that what it is that's going on on inside of you
is indicative of some sin against God and really it could just simply be your spirit
no is getting ready for the more and right now it's in that transition time and so everything
feels off and therefore we're calling it sin we're calling it this is wrong and it shouldn't
be this way and then we get on to ourselves instead of just releasing into it and just like
okay you know God has me in the transition canal you know to move me into the new thing so right
now I'm feeling all the pressure and I'm going towards an unknown and it's all in the blackness
and then there's pushing and then there's contractions and there's this and there's
pain and there's stretching and there's all of this and to just relax into it and know that
no this is actually allowing the thing to birth as opposed to thinking it's wrong and you keep
trying to squelch it or stop it yeah does that make sense and you receive a lot more of yourself
and as being okay and not getting onto yourself it's feeling like there's something wrong with
me that I need to fix or I'm not hearing God clearly to be able to step into what he wants
me to do and and that's why I'm just content or I'm just not grateful enough or you know God why
do you have me here and why can't I just be where it is that like I was meant to be and God's like
that's what you're doing you know so anyway I think that a lot that you'll get a lot more rest
and you'll you know also you'll go through the transition not only smoother but faster
because you're not resisting it so it's almost like you know having negative emotions as well
I've been talking to multiple people about this and it was a big topic ever not I will tell you
last rest intensive talking about negative emotions and what do we do with them so it's
kind of similar to the same principle as what I've talked about that like we just the more that
we accept who it is that or accept the fact that we're mad or we accept the fact that we're angry
or we just or you know accept the fact that we're afraid we're just like okay this is this is what
I'm feeling right now as opposed to oh my word I'm feeling this and I shouldn't be feeling this
and whatever no just accept yourself knowing okay I am just mad right now or I am just afraid or I
am just whatever if you then it will shockingly dissipate the intensity of it and I think it'll
do the same thing you know for for you with this that with this discontent is just accept yourself
as going through this transition and know that something's not wrong not only is God not doing
something wrong to you you know but really that you aren't wrong that there's not something wrong
with you inside where God keeps trying to get your attention and you're just like I'm sorry
Lord I'm trying so hard to hear you and I just can't you know and then getting on to yourself
thinking that you're not doing your part just to just say okay this is this is just where I am I'm
just going through the birth canal and going through the transition God is birthing something
through me God's bringing something out of me or I am being birthed whatever it is
and this is the natural part of the process and know that this is supposed to happen you know
and then it feels makes everything makes you kind of like realize okay all of this that's happening
is actually right you know and it's actually answering my prayer anyway is maybe that
perspective a little more helpful and relieving or yeah yeah yeah it's it's um it's definitely
helpful I think it's also on the part of like hearing him or not like not wanting to be
disobedient you know like because I'm like oh I don't know if I should be here or I don't know
if me reaching out to my boss just asking her um is also because I I kind of knew I was being
disobedient when I asked my my another one of my bosses when I was um um when I was giving my
resignation I asked them for a time off for a year um to be able to explore this other position and
and they declined me obviously because it was like a permanent position and I knew and I was
kind of happy when they did decline me but I also knew I was like I'm sorry God like I know that was
disobedient like that was me grasping for a lifeline because I was just like scared of
jumping ship you know but you asked me to jump ship and I was like yeah but I need my bleed you know
before I jump in. And he's like, No, you really don't. And so I
knew and like two weeks into the job, I was like, Oh, I wish I
had that I would have gone back so fast. Like, I just like I do
not want to be here. But so I can see kind of part of me can
see why I'm there and that I'm helping kind of bring peace and
order and communication and getting people to understand
each other. And then part of me is just like, this is not what
I Yeah, yeah, I just I don't know. Well, either of the jobs
are what I feel like on the inside of me is what God is
calling me to do, which I'm not quite clear on. But I know it
looks like me having more freedom and being more creative.
You know, like neither of these two jobs are like, Oh, these
will, in my logical mind, take me one step further. You know
what I mean? But I know, God has placed me here. But I don't
know for how long because I already had a sense of, it's
going to be short. But with me, like I always think I'm like,
Oh, it's probably because I'm gonna meet somebody and move to
the States. That's what's gonna happen. Or it's like, Oh, I'm
finally gonna like, have a brilliant idea. And I'm gonna,
you know, be or I'm gonna get an opportunity, which I had the
last time of like, getting a severance package, and then I
can just leave and then I can do whatever. And I'm going to be
challenged to do that again, kind of like Renata and I've
been talking about before. And this company that I just
started in is up for sale. So I don't know, like anything can
happen. But then I don't really know why I'm gravitating
towards. I don't know if it's like seeking comfort, or if
it's just like, I think what I what I'm talking, when I've
talked to Renata, it's like, Oh, it'll just be more
convenient if I'm there, like, I'll have more time to myself to
do other creative things. But I don't know if it'll make me die
slowly, because it's like City Hall. And it's like, you know,
all that, you know what I mean? It's like very rigid. And it's
like, so part of where I am right now, where it's like,
super chaotic, and no structure, and just like a nightmare, part
of it is giving me energy, because I'm like, Oh, my gosh,
there's so many things to do here. And then part of me is
like, Oh, just get me out. But you probably can relate to your
other job before. Yeah.
Well, when I was talking about, you know, accepting things, you
know, kind of the way that they are, I didn't mean about like
your actual physical situation, like, Oh, well, I can see what
God might be doing here, you know, because I'm like helping
this other company, what I mean, is all of the pain that's
happening in you, all of the feeling like everything's not
quite aligning. It's like, yeah, but I meant for more, or this
doesn't feel quite aligned, or this whatever there are, that's
actually expected normal parts of life, like where it's the
normal part of the process, where God's like, yeah, that's
that's what we're doing right now is, in other words, all of
that stuff is subconsciously, you sensing subconsciously
certain aspects of you adjusting, as opposed to thinking,
Oh, my goodness, this feels wrong. And therefore, it must be
wrong. No, it's just, it's just, it's actually everything in you
that's adjusting, that needs to adjust for God to answer your
prayer. That's what I was talking about. Yeah.
Yeah. And I know, I feel like Renata has been calling that out
in me and, and Anita, another one of our mutual friends, like
they were like, Oh, but I see what God's doing. Like, he's
definitely, you know, like, he's using this to like, do this, or
I can definitely see you're on this way. I can't see it
myself. You know, but it's Yeah. Yeah. Um, so it's a, in other
words, my point is, it's okay to not be okay. That's part of the
process. Yeah, it's the part where you're not okay. That's
the okay part. It's like, as opposed to Lord, I don't like
this. That's just like, yeah, but if you relax into it, then,
you know, won't be so it'll, then it then what it is that is
meant to happen be cut through this will finally be able to
happen because you're not like resisting it or thinking I don't
like this, I went out of this. I don't want it. I don't want to
feel disaligned anymore. I won't whatever. Anyway, I think that
it'll go the time will go faster. In fact, what God has
done with me. He's done it for me before. Yeah. Yeah. Well,
when I've been in, I've been in multiple situations,
specifically, I was thinking of some job situations that I've
been in multiple times, multiple jobs, where I was like, Lord,
get me out of here as fast as possible, because I
cannot handle anymore, you know, and I, and, and it wasn't until I stopped resisting where
it is that I was, and that I was meant for more, and I wasn't being allowed into it,
you know, and all that stuff.
It wasn't until I received where it is that I was, and how everything currently was like,
okay, well, it's accepted the way that it is right here.
It wasn't until I did that, that God moved me.
Yeah.
So God wouldn't move me until I, until I just, I stopped fighting him so much, or I stopped
resisting the process that was going on in me, then the Lord.
So in other words, it really speeds up the process to the point where when God would
move me, I, by that time I didn't want to move because I'd been able to see and receive
so much of God where it is that I will in the current situation that I was in that I'm
like, well, no, no, no, I don't want to let go of this.
This is great.
You know, I now have all of this is the Lord and God has given me this and whatever, you
know?
So anyway, and then God's like, yeah, but now it's time.
Yeah.
Oh man.
I've, I've had that happen before, but then I was still ready to leave, but I'm like,
he taught me some things.
And then I was like, oh Jesus help.
I'm going to need so much help to be able to be there.
And then he did, he changed something on the inside of me where I was okay to be there
because I could see a purpose with it.
But then when he moved me within three weeks, I was like, thanks.
Yep.
I'm out.
Like, that's good.
But where I was moved to was a lot better, but I still wasn't happy.
So that's where I'm like, okay, it's probably a process, but it's, it's like the, it's the
root thing.
So, but it'll, it'll be good.
It'll, it'll ha yeah, I think for the, but it's really helpful to get all these perspectives
and like yeah, a lean into just the, the being and, and, and trusting the process and, and
I can see it's definitely, you know, things are happening.
Like one of my former colleagues contacted me with some social media things that I thought
was fun, you know?
And he's like, oh, can you help with this?
Well, like, you know, so it's like creative stuff, which is good.
And I was painting the other day and you know, that was life giving and I'm like, oh yeah.
So, so things are happening.
Things are like, as I'm starting to find things to enjoy, like things are happening and then
these perspectives are very valuable and, and yeah, I'm excited to get to the bottom
of it when we have our little transformation thing.
Yeah.
Well, good.
Well, I look forward to it.
Yeah.
Well, and yeah.
So anyway, we'll talk about it off on the, on the, on through messenger, but Renata,
how are you?
Oh, you just hear you guys talk.
I thought I can update a little bit.
I think maybe some of it is similar and some it's not.
So I thought I'd just share a bit.
I think I've been also like come to starting to sing again.
That's also like COVID, I moved to Bergen.
I don't have musicians that know me.
So for three years, I haven't been singing other than leading worship a little bit.
So now moving into singing again, and also I, there's just coming up so many emotions
and also with just like when you don't want anything or you don't like just being in resistance
in relationship, like weird things, like we have this women's gathering and I just like
I'm on edge with everyone and I don't want them to come and I don't know.
I don't know.
There's nothing wrong with them.
Or with singing there comes up like, oh, I feel bad about not being, I do, I do, I do
lead a couple of the songs, but a lot of the songs, I am the backup singer.
And just comes up a lot of like bad emotions.
And that makes me feel like I'm five years old.
I'm like, I have this women's gathering in my house and I just feeling resistant.
I just want everyone to leave.
And I feel I'm really childish.
I don't want to be a backup singer.
Like I want to be the lead singer just like, and I don't know.
And I get really, really frustrated with myself because it's like being five years old.
And I'm like, of course, well, I am already leading a couple of songs.
I'm singing solo on two of the songs and they don't know me.
It's my first time performing here.
Like this is what I said yes to.
They're totally inviting me in.
So then, but then I was thinking and I was.
really frustrated with myself. But then I just felt God said to
me, it's longing. It's like you're just great word. And
first, and then it didn't make sense, really, because I'm just
being childish. And I don't understand why I'm so upset
about things that aren't wrong. But then that thought of just
like, you're just longing for something more or just like, you
just have like, it's not like, I don't know, it just brought some
kind of peace to me that it's like something deep in me that
longs for something. And I don't know, singing again, and this
group with women. And I don't know, there's something there
that, yeah, but that's, I think that's frustrating that I feel
like I'm being a five year old all the time. And I'm having so
many weird reactions. I don't sometimes even recognize
myself. So but I don't know, there's something there about
there's like something deeper that I long for. And then I
think that the other thing is with work that I relate to a lot
of the things that Annette shares, in a way that I, I have
had so many challenges at work, and in a way, I just want to run
away. But and I felt I spent some time with God, and I didn't
feel him tell me to stay another year and a half. The time I need
to decide if I'm going to stay next August until June, like
another school year. But then I just felt like, just like a
piece about not doing anything. So I kind of took it as okay,
I'm, if nothing happens, I'm going to stay another year. And
I think maybe it is that, so I'm trying, but I don't want to, I
go back and forth in embracing it, like, okay, there are all
these things that I've overcome. And I see that there are
spiritual battles, and I and we're praying into things, and I
see God using me. And also, I like, you know, actually, I have
been overcoming quite a bit in the classroom. But there's all
but there's like quite a ways to go. And I can feel like the
spiritual darkness come against me when I come to school, that
there are things there that are definitely not in alignment. And
it goes up and think to the leadership, I think, but all
just things that I'm not sure about that you just sense, and
that come up in prayer. But I don't know. But I it's hard for
me to fully embrace it. And I think it is because it's so hard
some of sometimes that I just want out. So there, I guess
that's challenging, that I have, I think I have decided to stay
not to try to look for another job. But then the thought of me
being there for a year and a half and another period of
waiting is so challenging that, oh, there I am, again, looking
at jobs, or am I really gonna stay another year and a half in
this much challenges. So I think that's it. And then another
thing was like, I think with the discipline that's come up with
that, which goes back to wait, but it also comes back to
singing, for instance, in two days, we're going to have a big
concert at the cathedral. And I don't even know the lyrics yet.
And it's weird for being me because I'm usually very
structured. But there's it's like something in me cannot
discipline myself to do anything. So I don't know. And I
feel like that with weight, I cannot start working out. It's
just like, I just can't do it. I feel like allergic to
discipline. And like reading lyrics, it's like it takes a lot
of effort, you have to be really focused, you need to memorize,
you need to spend time, you need to have energy to go into
it. And it's like how before, like if you're having a concert,
or you're doing things you have to memorize, it takes hours. And
now I'm like, I can't be bothered. And I'm like, so you
rather want to make a fool of yourself in the cathedral in two
days. But I can't, I can't seem to discipline myself to do
anything. And I'm like, I want so I want to live in rest with
my weight. But that doesn't mean that I can eat anything and not
work out. But I just can't get myself to be disciplined. And I
think, so I think the things that so I guess I'm talking
about three things. It's like, like the emotions of being five
years old all the time. And it's the like not struggling to
embrace my work. And it's like the discipline with weight and
singing or anything like I need discipline for that I think is
like throwing me off. Yeah. So I recognize like some of the
things is overlapping what Annette talked about, and some
of it is like
I feel like my, there are a lot of good things happening. And it
is like, like, for instance, I am noticing that I am walking
and rest more. But these are the things I think, yeah.
Yeah. Well, one of the things that came to mind, you know,
especially when you're talking about, you know, like, like, I'm
five years old, is to like, what I was telling Annette, now, I
feel like, you know, it's kind of been a theme recently, is
that just allow yourself to feel that way. Meaning like,
accept yourself fully in that place. So like, okay, so I feel
like I would, you know, at five years old, and that's just,
that's me, right? That's, that's, like, accept that about
yourself. Okay, that's me. That's where I am. That is where
I am in life. It's how far emotionally that I am in that
particular area. And there's reasons. So it doesn't excuse
it. It doesn't mean that you're gonna be there for forever.
You're not saying that it's okay. But you're fully loving
and accepting yourself and stopping resisting it. You're
stopping resisting that that's who you are, and that that's
what you're dealing with. You know, I don't mean who you are
as in your identity. I just mean, like, that's just how
that's just, it's a, it's a description of where it is that
you currently are on your journey, and just allow it to be
that way. And it will shockingly dissipate the, the, the
intensity with which you're feeling it, and will also drop
your resistance to growing out of it. Because the reason that
you're feeling that way, is you're in protection mode.
That's what that whole thing is, if that's stifling yourself
emotionally to like, feeling five or whatever, there's,
there's certain things in you, you know, that, that feel that
are being threatened. So you're going into self protection mode.
So what you want to do in order to feel in order to release the
desire and release that, that, that, that fear that you're that
you're in that in which you're trying to what we say in
America, circle the wagons, you know, those pioneer wagons, you
know, that used to protect themselves when the Indians
would circle, you know, in order to protect themselves, and, and
give themselves more of a fighting chance. So anyway, it's
like you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're creating
a wall around yourself. And so what do you do in order to make
yourself feel safe enough to not need the wall, which will allow
you to grow because you can't grow outside the wall, the wall
is creating boundaries, like you're creating a limitation. So
how do you begin to grow? How do you begin to like trust, trust
God with your protection and all of that? How do you bring down
that wall? Is you stop resisting it. And you allow yourself to be
whatever it is that you are, and whatever it is that you're
feeling in the moment, and you fully love and accepting
yourself, instead of talking to yourself, like, like what we also
want to do to children say, Hey, look, you need to stop that. And
you need to be better, you know, better, you need to do something
different. Well, that didn't encourage any of us to, to
actually feel safe enough to voluntarily make the choice that
yeah, the way I'm living life is not how I want to live. I want to
live with more freedom. It we just feel, you know, gotten on
to and corrected and that we're not good enough. And okay, I'm
going to work, I'm going to have to, I want to work really hard
to earn being told that I'm good enough. And so we don't ever want
to have that type of relationship with ourselves, of
like us never being good enough for ourselves. And then all
that's required of us in order to get out of that to be
accepted by ourselves is to work harder. And so that's what
we're trying to avoid. So just fully love and accept yourself
the way that you are without requiring yourself to be
anything different and to, to stop being mad, or to stop being
afraid. Just let yourself be afraid in your own presence.
It's like allowing a child to feel all of its emotions in the
presence of a parent, as opposed to the parent saying, Hey, look,
I don't want to deal with that. That's not appropriate. If you
come to me feeling like that, I'm going to just correct you
and get onto you or send you away from me. And so we don't
want to do that with him, because that's not healthy. We
don't want to do that with ourselves, because then we just
don't feel safe. So you'll notice that it'll sound very,
it's very counter, you think that, oh, I'm giving in to
myself. And therefore, I'm going to feel it even more that you do
the opposite way. And I'm telling you what, it'll happen
in a moment is as soon as you accept yourself, you're like,
okay, I'm scared. Or I just flat out don't want to. I don't want
to read the lyrics. I don't want to have to do that tonight. I
and you accept the fact that you don't want to, okay, I don't
want to. It doesn't mean that you're going to make the
decision to follow through on not doing it. It means that you
you're not giving power.
for your decisions to dictate your actions.
I mean, your emotions,
you're not giving power to your emotions
to dictate your actions.
You're just accepting your emotions
and not resisting them anymore.
Oh, it's okay.
This is who I am, or not who I am,
but this is just how I feel right now.
It's like, I feel mad or I don't want to do the lyrics.
And accept that about yourself.
And it's different than the way that you're telling me,
because you're telling me,
oh, Ashley, I don't want to do the lyrics and whatever.
But when you're telling me,
there's an aspect of you that's like,
yeah, but I know I shouldn't be like that.
And this is not,
so there's some resistance that's still there
to you not wanting it.
Does that make sense?
You don't want to not want it.
And you're fighting the fact that this is how I feel
because you feel bad.
You feel like, oh, I'm sinning.
This is wrong.
I shouldn't do this.
So being honest about it is not the same thing
as accepting it about yourself.
Accepting it.
Does that make sense?
So you're being honest,
but you're not allowing yourself to be okay
with you not wanting it.
That's what I'm saying.
You have to allow yourself to be okay
with the fact that you do not want it.
And so that emotionally, you can just,
emotionally, you can be safe with yourself to not want it.
Without you fighting it and correcting yourself
I just don't want it.
And here's the thing.
When you accept that,
then suddenly your soul stops thinking
that it has to protect itself from your discipline.
That it has to protect itself
from your decision to do it anyway.
It'll stop resisting you.
And so what you'll find is that as soon as you,
as soon as you accept the fact that you just don't want to,
you're like, okay.
Then that's just where I am right now.
I just don't want to.
Oh, okay.
Well, so what am I going to do then?
Well, the thing's going to come up
and I'm okay with the fact that I don't want to,
but what am I going to choose to do?
So basically what you've done
is you've chosen to own yourself in that moment.
You fully accept yourself for how it is that you feel.
You love yourself anyway.
And you're like, I don't require you to feel any different.
You feel that way if you want to.
Just not want to, that's fine.
But what do I, as a ruling king,
what do I choose to do with my life?
Well, what it is, what do I want?
How do I want to move forward?
What do I want to be part of my life?
Well, I want to be able to sing well in this thing
and I want to be able to do well.
And so therefore I'm going to do that
because I choose to do that
as opposed to I'm resisting having to do it.
It's lurking and it's coming and I don't,
and I'm in rebellion protecting myself against it
because it's making me do things
and it's making me learn the lyrics
and it's making me spend time to do what I don't want to.
That's what you're doing.
You're protecting yourself against something
that you think you're being made to do.
So you turn the tables on it and you decide,
no, that's what I want to do.
No one's making me.
The event's not making me.
The leader's not making me.
The situation's not making me.
No, this is, I choose to be in this situation.
I choose to follow through.
I choose to give this to me because this is how I choose.
I choose that situation for my life.
I choose singing in the cathedral,
knowing my lyrics because that's what I want for me,
not because I'm trying to fulfill an obligation
for someone else or, you know,
just picking myself up on my own bootstraps
and whipping myself and just like, nope,
you're just going to do it
because I'm going to make you.
I choose, what do I want for me?
So you're still do the same actions,
but you're now doing it
from a completely different perspective.
You turn the tables on it and now you own the situation.
It's no longer owning you.
Any of this making sense?
I know I'm talking a lot.
It does, but can it also be,
I don't want to be in this women group,
so I don't want to be there.
So is it, what is it?
Is it a Bible study?
Is it a, what is the, did you lead it?
What are you?
No, I host it.
It's at my house quite often.
Yeah.
But I'm just in resistance towers to women.
And I-
To women in general or to these women?
To these women.
Okay.
Women in general will be fine.
I have issues with that too.
I was just trying to clarify,
so how big is this problem?
Is it like women?
No, I think it is,
but I think it is that I'm,
I just-
I don't know why I'm so critical against them.
Maybe because they're different.
They're a lot more different for me
than most of my friends.
And I just have very little patience with them
and I'm very critical.
And I don't want to be at that women's group
and I don't want to host it,
but then it's very convenient to host it
because I live in the middle of the center.
So it's very easy for people to come.
We're one of the few people
that actually has a big apartment in town
since it's like a very big city or like in Norway scale.
So-
Your roommates in on it?
Like y'all decided together to host it?
Yeah.
She wants to and she loves it and she loves the women.
She loves everything that's going on
and everyone wants it to be at our house
because it's so convenient and I just don't want to.
I just-
So you don't even want to go
even if it's at somebody else's house?
No.
Yeah.
But then I don't know if that's like
the devil is trying to hold me away from it
because it is a good thing.
It's like a gathering of women in the church.
It's a good thing coming together, share lives, pray.
It's very healthy and it brings the women closer.
I don't know, but I just don't want to be there
and I don't want to-
Well, there's-
I don't know.
There's lots of good things in the world
and they're not all for us to be a part of.
We can't be a part of everything good.
There's too much good in the world
for us to be able to do all of it.
So you can free yourself just like,
just because it's good doesn't obligate us to it.
So you're free.
So now that you're free, you know, you just,
what I, here's what I would recommend
because you're wanting to hear from the Lord.
Lord, do you want me to be part of this group or not?
Or have you already, or do you already know?
No.
Is this a question or do you know?
You don't know.
Okay.
So here's one of the things that I would suggest to do
to be able to hear from the Lord a little more clearly
and be able to not be in resistance to hearing him,
because in other words,
to remove the resistance to hearing him on this subject,
because if we, if our emotions can create resistance
to being able to hear God,
so how do we remove the emotional part?
So it's more, we can become,
we can more clearly hear what the Lord wants us to do is,
and I walked somebody else through this yesterday,
I think maybe the whole idea of,
now we weren't talking about their enemies,
but I said, it's the same principle
as praying for your enemies,
is that what it does is it changes our hearts
towards someone if we pray for them.
And by that, I don't mean just conceptually like,
oh yeah, Lord, you know, I know you love them
because you know what?
You love the world.
And so, and you bless the world.
So like you bless everybody and like you love everybody,
do that for these people.
That's too conceptual, it's not specific,
and it's not intentional.
So what you wanna do is you wanna give your spirit,
your spirit's blessing, a blessing from your spirit
over these people like petitioning for
and interceding for them before the throne
and asking God specifically to pour out blessing
and to help so-and-so, you know,
to reveal your love, Lord, to so-and-so or to whatever.
Also, you know what I'm talking about,
about talking to souls and bodies and spirits,
I always, I recommend doing that to other people as well,
is shifting into your spirit,
because you can only do this from your spirit,
can't do it from your soul.
That shift into your spirit,
remember who it is that you are,
and then from your spirit, in other words,
your union with the Lord,
from that place of union in Christ,
is ask the Lord to reveal to you who they are
and then pray into that.
And I don't mean specifically like,
oh, well, you know, they're a great leader
or they're a great teacher
or God has this for their future.
I don't mean specifics like that.
I mean, just like they're perfect.
God loves them unconditionally.
They're just amazing.
And ask to see them the way that God sees them
and talk to their soul and speak blessing over them
from the authority of being united with Christ,
because from that place you are in,
being in union with Christ,
you are in the place from whom you're,
if you're asking for blessings from God to them,
those blessings have to come from somewhere.
They literally, not figuratively,
they literally come from inside Christ to that person.
And if you were inside Christ,
you're literally in the place
from which the blessing is being sent.
So from the place where you're asking God
to send out a blessing,
your spirit has authority to speak the blessing
from where you are in Christ to that soul.
And so that's what you pray for.
And you ask the Lord for that.
And I don't mean that saying specific things
like Lord, give them.
lots of money and do that because you haven't asked,
you know, I'm talking about general blessings over people
that we know from the Lord, we are allowed to pray.
We're allowed to speak over them, you know,
just like Lord, you know,
build to them that you love them and, you know,
we do this and do that and we,
and Lord greatly bless them and remove obstacles,
you know, from, you know,
that are currently in their way,
that are keeping them from hearing you.
And so basically,
and I would recommend doing that from now
until the next time that y'all meet,
and you will notice that your heart will change.
And I don't mean it will change to the point where
you now want to be part of the group.
You probably will,
but that's not the purpose of what I'm talking about
with this, I'm talking about do that.
And now you've removed your emotional resistance
that really doesn't want to do this.
I mean, meaning like do the Bible study or whatever it is,
this women's group.
And so now that you no longer have
that emotional resistance,
now you can more clearly hear from the Lord,
whether or not these women are who he wants you
to be investing in right now,
or does he have other people he wants you
to be spending your time and investment in?
So, and in the meantime, if he says,
hey, you know, not I'm revealing to you,
this isn't the group, it's a different group.
And in the meantime, you will have left having blessed them.
You will have left instead of just,
instead of kind of like emotionally or spiritually,
like kind of like fighting them or whatever,
you've given them what it is that you had.
And God says, now everything else that you have,
I'm calling you to pour into other people and knock them.
So God could just reveal to you that, hey, yeah,
I'm gonna give you my heart for them.
Or he could be like, you know,
thank you for being Jesus to them.
Thank you for being who it is that I am to them
in their lives, but I'm calling you,
but I have other people to pour into them right now
in their time in their lives,
and I'm calling you into other people.
So I think that that will help.
This honestly does not have to take a long time.
I didn't know about you, but I'm not one of those
intercessors that like loves just praying,
spending lots of time praying for other people
and praying for so-and-so and praying for Aunt Susie
and writing down this and going through this list.
I've always been amazed at people that do that.
I'm like, how long did you do that?
I just, I just not have been,
that's just not been given to me.
So I can grow in that.
So my point is it doesn't,
something that I've learned about praying period,
let alone praying for people,
is it's not the amount of time,
it's the seriousness and the intentionality.
So when you do it, be all in.
No distractions, no thinking about anything else.
You can even set a timer.
Just like, okay, I'm gonna,
I don't have to worry about this going too long.
I've got a timer that's gonna alert me,
and Lord, I am praying for this person.
And I'm thinking about nothing but you and your heart
for this person, and I'm asking you for this.
So pray from what you're feeling in your spirit
that God is telling you to pray.
You don't just pray whatever.
Pray whatever God's leading you in your spirit
to pray over them.
Just do it very intentionally.
And then just, I would recommend,
it's probably not like 40 people.
It's probably, you know, like 10 or something like that.
Just go through each of them individually
is what I would recommend.
And then just pray a blessing over them.
I mean, my goodness, it could take five minutes or less.
It was very short, but it'll be very powerful.
And I think that that might help.
Yeah, I think that, I think that sounds good.
I think, and especially with some of them
that I feel more in resistance to than others,
because I am actually thinking or believing,
I have a sense that this women's group
is something God is doing in the church.
It's a good thing.
So I, and I think it's more, maybe it's more like,
I think actually it might be that God wants me there
and maybe even wants me to have an important role in it.
But on the way, I come across hindrances.
That is more, it's more of an attack
than actually God leading me away from it, I think.
But I'm also having a thought when you were talking,
could it also be that you feel unprovided for
or unprotected?
Oh yeah, absolutely.
That it's like, if it's like, for instance,
if it's someone that doesn't have a natural sense
of boundaries that just, for instance,
go on and on talking and talking
and can't really see herself.
Yeah.
Can the resistance come from,
I actually with this person don't feel protected
or provided for, or I'm not seen.
So then I become very critical against the way she is
because she doesn't see herself.
Right.
several of those in the same group that actually you don't feel protected or provided for?
Yeah. Oh yeah. No, absolutely. Yeah. Very insightful. That's exactly what can happen.
You know, where you feel like, I don't know, you can feel it for different reasons. You
can feel like, well, why are, you know, we're all letting them get away with it, but I don't
let myself do that. And, you know, so I'm still limited while everybody else can just
have a free for all. And we have to sit there and listen to it. No one's going to say anything.
And then you feel a bit of victim to someone else's lack of respect for other people's
time is what it can feel like, you know? So that's when you again, choose, okay, I'm not
a victim or God and I okay. Yeah. God and I are fine. I'm secure in him. He protects
me just like I can just, so therefore he protects my time. I don't have to protect it. He is.
So he's fully aware that I am sitting here in this and that they are going on and on
and on. Now, someone is the leader of the group. They can learn between them and the
Lord, how to put down those boundaries and kind of manage that a bit better. But if you're
not one of those leaders, well, then it's just, if then you're just kind of sitting
there feeling victim to, like I said, they're disrespective everybody else's time. So then
then you choose, okay, I'm not a victim. I'm not a victim to what some, somebody else's
decisions and, and being forced to have to respond or to react to something that somebody
else decides that how somebody else decides they want to live life. I need to regain ownership
of my life and understand. I do have ownership of my life and now they can do whatever. So
that's why I will just, I will just sit here while they talk, you know, and they can, you
know, they can just take a long time if at once. And I, you know, you may not enjoy it
and all of that, that's fine, but whatever it is, but what I always try to do is I always
try to regain freedom for myself as opposed to feeling like I'm not free and it's being
taken away and I'm a victim and I'm being chained to this situation or this, whatever.
And so just regain that between you and the Lord, because all the whole rest intensive,
the whole, the whole message, the entire message is the gospel of Christ that he bought our
freedom, you know, and it says, and it says it was for freedom that Christ has set us
free. That's the purpose. And that's the reason. So God says, you know, reclaim that freedom.
You know, I bought that for you. So choose it. So, and you can do that while other people do
whatever it is that they want, that doesn't tie you emotionally to it. So anyway, does that help
as well? So, yeah, that was, that was so good. Yeah. Well, yeah. I'm glad you could relate to
it too. Yeah. We all can. We just hope that other people can't relate to it.
I don't know. Yeah. I might be one of them. I sure can. I don't usually do it outside of the
rest intensive, but, but I, I can, you know, I, I can, especially in the rest and tend to just start
and then just keep going there. All right. Well, it's good to see y'all and I'm so sad. This was
our last time. I know. Well, I mean, I know it's at two in the morning. If either of y'all want to
make it for either Tuesday or Thursday, that would be great. And I'm sorry that we didn't,
we're not with my, with my moving and my schedule was not able to coordinate a time for us to all
get together, like an additional time on a Saturday or anything like I was hoping to,
but, but anyway, I hope that it's been helpful to also watch all of the recordings of the others
so that y'all could keep up with everyone else and all that. All of them are updated. I think,
except Sundays. I don't, I don't think I have Sundays up yet, so I need to get that hopefully
done today, but anyway. All right. Well, it's good to see y'all and, and so if y'all, and then I'll,
Annette, I'll connect with you on a Facebook messenger. Yeah, cool. Okay. Y'all have a good
night. Yeah, you too. Have a good day. Bye. Bye.