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Oh, oh, hi. Hey, how are you doing? Oh, I'm so cold. I've been out walking and I'm like,

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well, I feel embarrassed. I'm cold too. And I'm sure that I,

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my area of the world is much warmer than yours. Yeah. Oh, it's been really, really cold. It's

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crazy. Oh, I'm sure. I don't know what ours is now. Um, maybe it's in the, maybe it's

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in the sixties. I don't know. It may not be that cold, but it's, uh, it's overcast and

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wind is blowing, which obviously makes it feel cooler. So, and for whatever reason,

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I I'm probably just going to need to exercise more. I don't, maybe my blood's not flowing.

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It's really, I am telling you what I'm having. My, my, my husband's and my body temperature

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is vastly different, which I understand is very normal, but I'm going, I can't live like this.

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We're going to have to agree on a temperature to keep the house set. Cause I'm like,

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I'm like having to spend my time outside in the sun trying to get warm, you know?

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What are we going to do? Well, no, and he's not doing anything. It's too cold. It's just that to

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me, it feels cold. And I'm going, okay, actually, you're just going to have to exercise or something

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because this isn't normal anyway. So, yeah. So, uh, what had happened was I was on here

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and I'm waiting and no one gets on. So I'm like, I wonder if they got on the other meeting. So I

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jumped on the other meeting and that's why it said meeting in progress when y'all jumped on

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is because by then I switched over to the other one thinking maybe they're on the other one.

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All right. Yeah. I was just like wondering what was up, but now I get it. Yeah. Yes.

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So how's it going? It's our last rest group for this program. Y'all doing good. Oh my gosh,

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that's crazy. Yeah. We booked a, we booked a trip to Spain today. So we're going in two

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weeks for like a long, well, five, two of y'all. Yeah. Oh, cool. That's wonderful.

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And Renata used the rest, the rest tool when deciding where we should go.

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Cause we're like, I want to hear about it.

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Yay. I want to hear about that. Like, what do you mean that I did?

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You did like a rest thing. Like you laid down, you just let it come to you. Like where we're

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going to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it was really interesting because I'm,

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I'm both Annette and I are major travelers. We've been to, I've been to 30 something countries

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used to have like big travels every year, but then Corona hit and I haven't traveled abroad for

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three and a half years. So it's kind of like, for me, it's a big thing. It's like going on the

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horse again. So it's actually like a big thing. You haven't been abroad? No, I was in Taiwan in

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2019. What? Over three years ago. Oh my gosh. It's like something died in me these years with

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Corona that I just stopped traveling, stopped dreaming about traveling. And now then I felt

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like now it's time to get back on the horse again. We've been talking about finding something

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you like and that you enjoy and traveling has been such a big part of my life. So I thought,

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well, I kind of, people have said, Oh, you can come on a missions trip. And I'm kind of like,

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I don't want to go on a missions trip. If I want to go, I want to drink wine and have fun and chill

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and not be bored. I don't want to serve. I want to be served.

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Because I usually, when I book travels, I usually stress a lot because it's a lot about,

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Oh, the planes are going to be taken and the prices are changing and you need to,

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there's like a lot of like stress around it. But this time I really just relaxed through it all.

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And it was just like, whatever happens. New record, new way of doing it.

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Yeah. I enjoyed it more. And I wasn't so stressed about getting the best place or getting the

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cheapest tickets or the best deals. I was kind of like, if it's going to happen, it's going to

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happen. And then letting God take care of places in Spain. And I was just like, then this one place

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came up in my mind and I thought, all right, let's go with that. So we're about a relaxing experience.

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Oh, I'm so glad to hear that. That's wonderful.

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Yeah, when I when I went to Croatia, I was I was in Turkey. And I needed to. And I needed to leave

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within like, what was it? See, so I was driving with my friends from Izmir, which is my hometown

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where I grew up, driving, we were driving up the coast to Istanbul, and then we were going to stay

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trying to remember. So we were driving up, and then we were going to stay the night and then

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the next day they were going to leave, they were going to fly out. And, and so I needed to find

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unless I was going to pay for an additional night at the hotel. I was like, well, then I need to pick

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where I'm going to go. And so and I just kept delaying it because I'm like, well, I don't know

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where and, and it wasn't so much that I didn't know where I wanted to go. It was that I was

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also waiting for COVID was locked, we had locked down a lot of countries. So I wanted to eventually

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go to Italy, I had committed to going to Italy, Italy to speak to minister, but Italy wasn't open

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yet. So I'm like, so where am I going to go? What what place will take me, you know, in the middle

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of COVID? You know, what place will take me, you know, and, and anyway, you know, with all of the

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passport stuff, and whatever. And finally, and all of the restrictions of like, well, do you have

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the vaccine? Do you not have the vaccine and all of that stuff? And so I finally a friend of mine

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mentioned Croatia, and I'm like, what's Croatia? Is where does it sound? I know, I'd always heard

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it. I know, I'd heard it, you know, and learned about it in like, geography class. But other than

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that, I didn't know anything about Croatia, you know, and I didn't know Game of Thrones was like

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film there because I didn't watch Game of Thrones. I knew nothing. And I was like, I don't know what

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Croatia is, you know? So and then my friend was telling me about it. They're like, Oh, yeah, I've

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always wanted to go to Dubrovnik and Croatia and whatever. And I'm like, really? Is that great? So

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let me look it up. And let me look at bed and breakfast or not bed and breakfast. Let me look

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at Airbnbs there and whatever. So like, literally the day before I need to literally fly out of the

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country. I'm googling where to go. And I decide on you know what, this looks like a cute little

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Airbnb in Dubrovnik, Croatia, which I've never heard of either the city or the, you know, or

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know anything about the country. And okay, that's where I'll go. So I booked my ticket and 24 hours

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later, or maybe it was less than 24 hours later, I was flying into the country. This is interesting.

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So you know, again, just all in rest, like, okay, Lauren, where do I go now? And then he puts me in

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Croatia. And I loved it. I had a time. Yeah, and I was I, I, I launched my website in Croatia.

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And I saw in the spirit for the first time when I was in Croatia. And God just gave me a really

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special time between he and I for those two weeks, I was able to stop for a while because

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we've been traveling solidly for like six weeks. And anyway, it was so very special. Some of the

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wildest stories that I have happened in Croatia, like wild, like faith stories between me and the

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Lord. And but it's all because like what you're saying, you just like, okay, how, what does

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traveling with the Lord in rest look like, you know, when it's not stressful when it's not like,

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Oh, my goodness, I'm gonna miss out. And I just like, just hold it all very loosely and let the

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Father give me what gifts he wants. And I don't know the gifts that are out there to even ask for

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them. So now you just kind of like you're, you participate, but you allow the Lord to bring you

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what he wants. And then you just discover while you're experiencing it, how good of a gift it

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really is, and what all is included in that gift, you know, and what all of God you discover. And so

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I'm excited for you, you're writing your, because you say that this is so much a part of your life,

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and you haven't done it for so long. And now you're doing it in Russia, you're writing a new record

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of how you're choosing to live and experience a certain aspect of your life. So you're

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reestablishing, no, this is how it's going to be, you know, so, and this is who my God is.

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And, and I'm stepping out in action on the faith that I'm choosing is actually true of who God is,

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and my safety in him. And the fact that he is providing for me, and he's gonna, he's gonna

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work things out. And even if everything goes to pieces, I just follow him, like from the world's

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perspective, like, oh, my word, this didn't work out. And I'm like, where we miss this.

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It's not as chaotic, and as missing out as we think that it is. It's just like, oh, no,

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I'm just being redirected. So it's like, okay, Lord, if that doesn't work out,

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what are you going to provide for me instead? You know, it no longer, it no longer has to only work

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a specific way, in order for God to be.

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showing himself to be good. I mean, you know, you're just, you're just allowing yourself to

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your the traveling is simply allowing yourself to take a journey with him, like spiritually with

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him. Okay, Lord, what are we learning today? What are we doing today? And how are things flowing as

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opposed to this is what I want to happen. And this is how it's going to be. And so God, if you love

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me, you're going to help make it happen. You know, like I said, total writing a new record. So that

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is wonderful. I'm so excited. The two of y'all are doing it together. Yeah. Good. I'm excited.

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I didn't know it had been so long since you had been traveling. No, it's like first time with you.

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You've been traveling quite a bit after Corona. But I've just been to Oslo, like the capital city.

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Like I've been a lot to Oslo taking planes, but not abroad. So I kind of felt like I lost the

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desire, I lost the joy and desire in it. And I don't know, I even this time, it's kind of like,

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I need to get into it again. Like, like I said, get get onto the horse. It feels like I fell off

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the horse, and I don't care anymore about traveling. It's just like, well, 20 years of my life.

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Now, not anymore. But that I think it's not that I don't enjoy it. It's just that

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I kind of fell asleep when it came to traveling. So you just like lost all the desires.

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And the Spanish, they do Easter, like, I hope they do it where we're going as well. But they

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have these huge caskets of like, it's like, carrying Jesus. They're like, I know.

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Zorro, what's his name? The actor, Antonio Banderas. He is what he he's a part of this,

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like every year, I guess. And there's like, probably, depending on how big they are,

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I think they said between like 20 and 50 men, like carrying this thing on their shoulders.

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And they have it's like, it's massive. It's kind of weird. Their outfits, they kind of look like

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Ku Klux Klan. Yeah, it's crazy. But I don't know what this is like. Yeah, no, they do like

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different colors. It's like, it's like white. And it's Yeah, I mean, we're joking about it,

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because I went with I went for a wedding. So we had an African American that was with us. And so

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he was joking about it. He's like, Oh, no, they're coming. And we're like, Oh, my goodness. Like,

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obviously, it's not about that at all. So yeah, I but I had to like explain on my social media

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because people are like, Where are you? What are you celebrating? It's not okay. And I'm like,

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Oh, my goodness. I'm in Spain. It's not this like, yeah, it's probably something Catholic,

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right? Where you're like, now see the face or it's dead or it's death or something that they're

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doing. Yeah, and they do different colors. And yeah, I remember I read about it, but I forgot.

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So I'll have to like look it up. But it was just like massive music. And I'm like, Well, I've never

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seen I've never seen this before. You know, in Spain, is that where they do like for Easter?

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Is that where they do like the colors on the sidewalk and stuff like go to pictures? Or is

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that some other country that does it? I think they do it for Easter could be wrong. I don't know.

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Maybe they it's a it's a Latino meaning like, you know, you know, some country that speaks Spanish,

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that may not be Spain. Maybe it was maybe it's in Latin America, where they do do something. But

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I remember thinking, oh, that's so interesting that they celebrate Easter with like this,

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all of this stuff on the sidewalk. So I was wondering if it was if it was Spain, but they

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may not. Well, so now you say that they're doing this, are they doing it the town that y'all are

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going to? Or they can? I haven't, I haven't checked, but I just thought of it. I'm like,

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so I'm gonna have to check it out to see if they have. It'd be fun for you to see that we're not.

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Yeah. And before I think about before I forget about it, you had asked in a

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in one of your journey shares for me to post that thing that I referenced about healing your

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your soul and embody through your spirit. So I just got I just got that posted. So

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I think I listened to that twice. And I was like in the first time I thought thought about it. And

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then a second time I was like, oh, shoots, I forgot to ask him about that. I'm like,

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I'll just do it in the journey share. So I like, yeah, yeah. So it's just this little

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write up. It's very short, but it's just basically gets you an idea about like how

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like get it's an example of a prayer. It's kind of what I've prayed, you know, to I say pray.

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I mean, so I'm not talking to God, but like, it's this thing that is this instruction to my

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soul, to my body, to to my spirit. So it just kind of helps people get an idea about what it

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was I was referring to. So before I forgot about it, just wanted to make sure you knew it was there.

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So thank you.

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Yeah. So, are y'all doing what can y'all update me on or do y'all have questions or what are things going.

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It's going good. I haven't signed up for the sessions yet so but I wrote you a messenger about that so maybe we can look into that for like next week or something I don't know when it was, I couldn't find the sessions.

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I couldn't find the link, but we can do that after like on messenger or something, but, um, um, yeah I don't know do you want to, do you have anything you want to share or not or do you want you want to, you can start.

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I mean I don't I'm just like I'm currently it's I mean it's the same thing that I'm like that I've been doing. I've been to I feel like I've been doing better like I've been walking every day I started working out.

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I cleaned my room, it's fine, like I have one closet left but it's like I can walk on the floor, like it's fine I can finally have my curtains up.

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And I like booked so many appointments so I feel very accomplished.

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Yeah, so so a lot of good things are happening I'm very excited about the Spain trip and it's.

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But yeah, I, I've reached out to a my former boss because she has posted a position but it's like with City Hall, and she was like, she said she had encouraged somebody else to apply but that she was looking to maybe hire two people if she had good

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I would very much like to see your application so I've been talking to Renata about that like I'm going to.

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So I'm going to do that and I'm going to try to do.

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I think I've been doing this and rest, the other times where I've just been like, I'm just going to apply and I've asked God like, hey, if I'm not going to have this like don't let me come to the interview like I just don't want to be a part of a process

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and take up all this time, if I'm not meant to do that.

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So it'll be interesting to see but I'm.

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I think I'm peaceful in that sense, and I, and I feel quite confident that I'll find the rest there but it's like but I, I think what I'm questioning is, am I being disobedient you know because I know God was telling me to leave my other job and come

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up where I am right now.

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And I'm able to kind of like be at peace, even though it's extremely chaotic, but I'm just, I'm finding myself questioning like, why am I here like it's okay if I'm here for a purpose but like life's too short to kind of be in a job you don't enjoy

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I feel like it's just taking up so much of my time so I think that's what I've been thinking about.

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And what I will probably take up and like the transformation session I was telling Renata I'm like oh there's like the three things that's always there it's like, it's the weight, it's like being single and it's what am I going to do with my life it's like always

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those three things, but.

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And I feel like there's a root thing so there's like with the weight I'm like, I thought I had overcome something and figure it out a root system and like broken some soul ties or did this things and you know like I.

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And then I'm like, Oh, clearly not because here I am again you know, and then that's what kind of what I feel with work as well I'm like, Oh, well, I didn't enjoy my first job, I didn't enjoy the job I had before.

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I didn't enjoy this job so I'm like there's this like discontent that I think we're not and I've been talking about like genuinely where I just I'm just discontent and I'm like I can't.

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So I don't know if it'll matter if I change jobs, again, you know what I mean, or, like, I think we're not I had mentioned like all. I don't want another weight like a year being on on weight, you know if some like, I don't know if I'm discontent because

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I'm genuinely not where I'm supposed to be, or if it is, you know what I mean some. I'm kind of like, so I guess so it's a weird place where I'm like, I'm at rest but I'm not I can I can see there's some root things and then run out and I started

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talking, and I'm like, Oh, body spirits body soul spirit like, um, do you use spirit tools for this because you don't have faith enough for like being in the know to use the tools for the soul because you don't have enough faith for the spirit so clearly there's

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a lot of like bricks and brackets where I'm like, I don't really see the full picture.

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You can probably tell by how

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So I don't know if this is making any sense, but maybe Renata can translate for me if not.

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Yeah, you were saying, for instance, before you used to cut ties and you would realize, like,

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cut soul ties, and then you thought after you learned this teaching, you thought that, okay,

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but when you're in the spirit, you don't have to cut soul ties. So do you do it if you just don't

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have enough faith to live by the spirit in relationships? Like, or kind of things that

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we learned that doing things in the soul will cause death, but you can do the same things in

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the spirit and will cause life. And just like, no, but do we still have to keep doing the things

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that we did from the soul perspective, but just now as sons and daughters of God, that you just

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do it with another kind of authority and another kind of, it will bring more life than it did when

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you were just operating out of the soul. So that's one of the things we discussed today.

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We were just, it's a great answer Renata, exactly. Is that there's nothing wrong with,

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and this is something that I've noticed that people have taken what I'm saying to sound as if,

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as if, well, we all want, we all want like to live in the spirit all the time and have ultimate

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faith and whatever. So we're so used to condemning ourselves for anything that we think of as

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not that, you know, or less than, or, oh, see, I'm not good enough or, and, and I don't. And,

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and so it's always kind of really shocked me. I mean, it shouldn't shock me, but it does. Cause

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I, I thought the same thing, but it always, it always, I think it kind of bothers me that it

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affects people at like, that they feel condemned, like, oh shoot. Well, if I'm not doing this,

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well, I'm using a tool and a tool isn't good enough. And is it, that's a problem. I mean,

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no, no, no. This is a good thing. It's like, Hey, you now approach the same tools that we used to

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use, but now from a place of hope now from a place of who it is that we are, as opposed to

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I'm not, I'm not good enough. And therefore I always need help and whatever it's like, no,

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I'm a King and I can use this to help me, uh, to help me on my life learning process of being

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taught by tutors and governors, you know, like in the spirit or whatever. So we, I,

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I recommend that we always take it. We just, we do some of the same things. We're just approaching

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them more from a hope-filled faith-filled perspective as opposed to the feeling like,

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oh, I'm not doing everything I should. I now need to work hard enough harder. And we approach the

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tool like that. Then it's, then it's a bit more of a battle. Like, oh my word, I got to fight for

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spiritual warfare. I got to fight for this. And I got to do the hard work of cutting soul ties.

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And I got to do the hard work of this. It's more from, oh no, I can effortlessly cut a soul tie

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because of the authority that I have in Christ. I choose that. I have that authority. And from

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that authority, I'm declaring that it's a more effortless from rest way of using the tool.

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And there's nothing wrong with tools. Jesus used tools. Jesus was here on earth. He used tools. He

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used literal tools, you know, and carpentry and all of that. There's nothing wrong with the way

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that God created the principles of the kingdom of the principles of how the, of how the world,

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how the spirit realm works and, and, and stuff. And, and there's nothing wrong with unit. Think

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of it. Think of also like using the name of Jesus, you know, in order to tell a, to tell a demon that

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he no longer has any right to you. Hey, look, I declare, you know, I command you in the authority

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of the name of Jesus Christ to leave or whatever. Well, you know, do we want to call that a tool?

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I mean, like there's nothing wrong with that. That's a great thing. So in other words,

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it's, I just encourage you to, to not receive it as like condemnation, but really from a person

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from a very like, Oh my word, I'm not doing good enough. I'm having to use a tool. No,

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it's like, that is a good gift from a good father. He's like, I only create good things.

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And I love the fact that you appreciate and want to utilize something that I created and gave to

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you as a gift and you call it as opposed to us thinking, Oh, it's less than, and God's just like,

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um, enduring me while I, while I'm little enough to use it, have to use that. I was like,

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I don't know. It's a great thing. Take advantage of it. I think it's fine. You know,

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he just wants us to know we're not subject to it. He's like, I want you to eventually be strong

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enough or no one, uh, not know enough, but like, uh, know who it is that you are enough that

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eventually when you become a, when you become, you know, you're a Prince, like you're, you're

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only five years old, you know, eventually when you're 35, you'll have so much strength because

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all of the experience and the practice that you put in that you no longer need the things that

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you used to. But there's nothing wrong with utilizing the things that you need to teach

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you that. Jesus even learned things. Jesus wasn't born into it. He learned it. I mean,

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he was born into who he was, but he even learned things. He even learned obedience. Jesus Christ

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had to learn obedience, it says in scripture. So in other words, there's this process of growing

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and maturing. And so there's nothing wrong with this, using all of these things that God gave us

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to help us along the way, because he loved us. He's not like, okay, fine, if y'all aren't going

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to do it, well, then I'm just going to have to endure you doing this thing I really don't want

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you to do because I want you to be doing this instead. No, it's all the using the tools is part

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of the process. So it's all good. Yeah. Is that helpful at all? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Because I have because I'm just thinking, oh, because before this is what I would do as well,

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where I'm like, um, there's definitely some root issue going on here, you know, like there's

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something because it's the same thing that keeps coming back and back and back. So I'm like

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interested to finding that and kind of kick it to the curb. I'm kind of Yeah.

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Um, another thing that might be helpful, this has come up recently, to me, in fact,

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I may have even been thinking about yesterday or the day before is that when we're in seed

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in things that where we feel frustrated with ourselves, because we're like, I'm sorry, Lord,

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I'm discontent. I feel like it shouldn't be this way. And that I'm always behind. And everybody

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else has figured it out. But there it is that they're going to do that they're gonna, I don't

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know, or how it is that they're going to do x, y, and z, and they're getting success, but whenever

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they want to, but whenever I think about doing it in that way, or whatever, I there's just something

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in me that resists and, and Lord, you know, what on earth is going on? And why am I just not

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satisfied? Why am I not content and all of that. And one of the things that I realized is, is like,

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you know, God, sometimes, sometimes we're just content, because God's just like, that's not what

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I have for you. But it doesn't, but he hasn't revealed to you what he has for you yet. And so

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it doesn't mean that you're missing something, because you're not there yet. So you're not off

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the track. Yeah, now, it's in it, we think that because we're not at a specific place that we're

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that we're like, we're not in God's will that we haven't. I don't know that we're not finally

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doing what we were meant to do, or whatever. And really that we and then we condemn ourselves for

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it, like, Oh, my goodness, you know, I shouldn't feel discontent or whatever. And it's a lot easier.

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Like that, feel like feeling frustrated because of the because of the discontent

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is resistance. And then it's going to take longer to go through it. And longer to realize or to get

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clarity from the Lord about what it is that he does have for you, or what it is meaning life,

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and he wants to eventually move you into, because he uses all of this, he uses the discontent,

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which we think of as sin. But we don't mean to I don't mean discontent. And what it is,

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is, I don't think that everything that we're dealing with is a discontent of, this is basically

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what I'm trying to say, that I don't believe that everything in you that feels that you're

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labeling as discontent, is actually sinful discontent. Now, sure, we put a negative spin

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on it. And we think, oh, and we start accusing God because of it. Well, that's discontent, whatever.

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But what is that coming from might simply be because your spirit is aware that there's some,

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there's more coming. Yeah. And it's getting you ready. So think, for instance, about a body

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going through the process of childbirth, is when it's in that transition phase, there is a lot of

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stretching, there is a lot of pain, there's a lot of pressure, there's a lot of all kinds of stuff.

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And we keep thinking, oh, my word, something and it because it feels like not that I've ever had

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a baby, but I mean, you know, just that idea feels like there's something wrong. I know what

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I'm like, when I'm normal, and I'm not meaning like when I'm not pregnant. And then, and then,

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you know, there's going to be a baby on the other side of this, but the middle ground and how I'm

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getting there is just all wrong. It shouldn't be like this. And it's not supposed it's like,

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no, no, no, this is this is it means that everything's going right. This is what's

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supposed to happen. So anyway, my point is that I would recommend that you think about, and you

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just you just, you just release the fact that you are are release the

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cern and the condemnation and the frustration that you are discontent is if you feel like

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you're I mean if you're feeling like I shouldn't be this way you know I should be grateful I should

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be content I should be whatever and assuming that what it is that's going on on inside of you

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is indicative of some sin against God and really it could just simply be your spirit

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no is getting ready for the more and right now it's in that transition time and so everything

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feels off and therefore we're calling it sin we're calling it this is wrong and it shouldn't

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be this way and then we get on to ourselves instead of just releasing into it and just like

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okay you know God has me in the transition canal you know to move me into the new thing so right

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now I'm feeling all the pressure and I'm going towards an unknown and it's all in the blackness

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and then there's pushing and then there's contractions and there's this and there's

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pain and there's stretching and there's all of this and to just relax into it and know that

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no this is actually allowing the thing to birth as opposed to thinking it's wrong and you keep

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trying to squelch it or stop it yeah does that make sense and you receive a lot more of yourself

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and as being okay and not getting onto yourself it's feeling like there's something wrong with

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me that I need to fix or I'm not hearing God clearly to be able to step into what he wants

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me to do and and that's why I'm just content or I'm just not grateful enough or you know God why

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do you have me here and why can't I just be where it is that like I was meant to be and God's like

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that's what you're doing you know so anyway I think that a lot that you'll get a lot more rest

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and you'll you know also you'll go through the transition not only smoother but faster

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because you're not resisting it so it's almost like you know having negative emotions as well

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I've been talking to multiple people about this and it was a big topic ever not I will tell you

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last rest intensive talking about negative emotions and what do we do with them so it's

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kind of similar to the same principle as what I've talked about that like we just the more that

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we accept who it is that or accept the fact that we're mad or we accept the fact that we're angry

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or we just or you know accept the fact that we're afraid we're just like okay this is this is what

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I'm feeling right now as opposed to oh my word I'm feeling this and I shouldn't be feeling this

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and whatever no just accept yourself knowing okay I am just mad right now or I am just afraid or I

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am just whatever if you then it will shockingly dissipate the intensity of it and I think it'll

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do the same thing you know for for you with this that with this discontent is just accept yourself

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as going through this transition and know that something's not wrong not only is God not doing

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something wrong to you you know but really that you aren't wrong that there's not something wrong

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with you inside where God keeps trying to get your attention and you're just like I'm sorry

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Lord I'm trying so hard to hear you and I just can't you know and then getting on to yourself

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thinking that you're not doing your part just to just say okay this is this is just where I am I'm

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just going through the birth canal and going through the transition God is birthing something

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through me God's bringing something out of me or I am being birthed whatever it is

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and this is the natural part of the process and know that this is supposed to happen you know

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and then it feels makes everything makes you kind of like realize okay all of this that's happening

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is actually right you know and it's actually answering my prayer anyway is maybe that

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perspective a little more helpful and relieving or yeah yeah yeah it's it's um it's definitely

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helpful I think it's also on the part of like hearing him or not like not wanting to be

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disobedient you know like because I'm like oh I don't know if I should be here or I don't know

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if me reaching out to my boss just asking her um is also because I I kind of knew I was being

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disobedient when I asked my my another one of my bosses when I was um um when I was giving my

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resignation I asked them for a time off for a year um to be able to explore this other position and

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and they declined me obviously because it was like a permanent position and I knew and I was

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kind of happy when they did decline me but I also knew I was like I'm sorry God like I know that was

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disobedient like that was me grasping for a lifeline because I was just like scared of

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jumping ship you know but you asked me to jump ship and I was like yeah but I need my bleed you know

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before I jump in. And he's like, No, you really don't. And so I

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knew and like two weeks into the job, I was like, Oh, I wish I

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had that I would have gone back so fast. Like, I just like I do

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not want to be here. But so I can see kind of part of me can

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see why I'm there and that I'm helping kind of bring peace and

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order and communication and getting people to understand

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each other. And then part of me is just like, this is not what

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I Yeah, yeah, I just I don't know. Well, either of the jobs

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are what I feel like on the inside of me is what God is

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calling me to do, which I'm not quite clear on. But I know it

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looks like me having more freedom and being more creative.

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You know, like neither of these two jobs are like, Oh, these

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will, in my logical mind, take me one step further. You know

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what I mean? But I know, God has placed me here. But I don't

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know for how long because I already had a sense of, it's

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going to be short. But with me, like I always think I'm like,

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Oh, it's probably because I'm gonna meet somebody and move to

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the States. That's what's gonna happen. Or it's like, Oh, I'm

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finally gonna like, have a brilliant idea. And I'm gonna,

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you know, be or I'm gonna get an opportunity, which I had the

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last time of like, getting a severance package, and then I

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can just leave and then I can do whatever. And I'm going to be

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challenged to do that again, kind of like Renata and I've

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been talking about before. And this company that I just

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started in is up for sale. So I don't know, like anything can

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happen. But then I don't really know why I'm gravitating

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towards. I don't know if it's like seeking comfort, or if

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it's just like, I think what I what I'm talking, when I've

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talked to Renata, it's like, Oh, it'll just be more

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convenient if I'm there, like, I'll have more time to myself to

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00:36:57.680 --> 00:37:03.280
do other creative things. But I don't know if it'll make me die

359
00:37:03.280 --> 00:37:06.920
slowly, because it's like City Hall. And it's like, you know,

360
00:37:06.920 --> 00:37:09.840
all that, you know what I mean? It's like very rigid. And it's

361
00:37:09.840 --> 00:37:13.560
like, so part of where I am right now, where it's like,

362
00:37:13.560 --> 00:37:17.160
super chaotic, and no structure, and just like a nightmare, part

363
00:37:17.160 --> 00:37:20.480
of it is giving me energy, because I'm like, Oh, my gosh,

364
00:37:20.480 --> 00:37:23.200
there's so many things to do here. And then part of me is

365
00:37:23.200 --> 00:37:28.480
like, Oh, just get me out. But you probably can relate to your

366
00:37:28.480 --> 00:37:31.120
other job before. Yeah.

367
00:37:32.000 --> 00:37:34.800
Well, when I was talking about, you know, accepting things, you

368
00:37:34.800 --> 00:37:38.920
know, kind of the way that they are, I didn't mean about like

369
00:37:38.920 --> 00:37:41.880
your actual physical situation, like, Oh, well, I can see what

370
00:37:41.880 --> 00:37:44.400
God might be doing here, you know, because I'm like helping

371
00:37:44.600 --> 00:37:47.960
this other company, what I mean, is all of the pain that's

372
00:37:47.960 --> 00:37:51.720
happening in you, all of the feeling like everything's not

373
00:37:51.720 --> 00:37:55.520
quite aligning. It's like, yeah, but I meant for more, or this

374
00:37:55.520 --> 00:37:59.080
doesn't feel quite aligned, or this whatever there are, that's

375
00:37:59.080 --> 00:38:04.720
actually expected normal parts of life, like where it's the

376
00:38:04.720 --> 00:38:07.920
normal part of the process, where God's like, yeah, that's

377
00:38:07.960 --> 00:38:10.800
that's what we're doing right now is, in other words, all of

378
00:38:10.800 --> 00:38:15.120
that stuff is subconsciously, you sensing subconsciously

379
00:38:15.120 --> 00:38:18.080
certain aspects of you adjusting, as opposed to thinking,

380
00:38:18.120 --> 00:38:22.720
Oh, my goodness, this feels wrong. And therefore, it must be

381
00:38:22.720 --> 00:38:27.000
wrong. No, it's just, it's just, it's actually everything in you

382
00:38:27.000 --> 00:38:32.320
that's adjusting, that needs to adjust for God to answer your

383
00:38:32.320 --> 00:38:33.760
prayer. That's what I was talking about. Yeah.

384
00:38:34.120 --> 00:38:37.760
Yeah. And I know, I feel like Renata has been calling that out

385
00:38:37.760 --> 00:38:41.440
in me and, and Anita, another one of our mutual friends, like

386
00:38:41.440 --> 00:38:43.680
they were like, Oh, but I see what God's doing. Like, he's

387
00:38:43.680 --> 00:38:46.920
definitely, you know, like, he's using this to like, do this, or

388
00:38:47.280 --> 00:38:50.000
I can definitely see you're on this way. I can't see it

389
00:38:50.000 --> 00:38:58.320
myself. You know, but it's Yeah. Yeah. Um, so it's a, in other

390
00:38:58.320 --> 00:39:01.120
words, my point is, it's okay to not be okay. That's part of the

391
00:39:01.120 --> 00:39:03.960
process. Yeah, it's the part where you're not okay. That's

392
00:39:03.960 --> 00:39:08.080
the okay part. It's like, as opposed to Lord, I don't like

393
00:39:08.080 --> 00:39:11.880
this. That's just like, yeah, but if you relax into it, then,

394
00:39:12.200 --> 00:39:18.000
you know, won't be so it'll, then it then what it is that is

395
00:39:18.000 --> 00:39:22.480
meant to happen be cut through this will finally be able to

396
00:39:22.480 --> 00:39:25.920
happen because you're not like resisting it or thinking I don't

397
00:39:25.920 --> 00:39:29.080
like this, I went out of this. I don't want it. I don't want to

398
00:39:29.080 --> 00:39:33.160
feel disaligned anymore. I won't whatever. Anyway, I think that

399
00:39:33.200 --> 00:39:37.040
it'll go the time will go faster. In fact, what God has

400
00:39:37.040 --> 00:39:42.600
done with me. He's done it for me before. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

401
00:39:42.600 --> 00:39:46.400
when I've been in, I've been in multiple situations,

402
00:39:46.560 --> 00:39:50.480
specifically, I was thinking of some job situations that I've

403
00:39:50.480 --> 00:39:55.520
been in multiple times, multiple jobs, where I was like, Lord,

404
00:39:55.520 --> 00:39:59.720
get me out of here as fast as possible, because I

405
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:11.840
cannot handle anymore, you know, and I, and, and it wasn't until I stopped resisting where

406
00:40:11.840 --> 00:40:17.880
it is that I was, and that I was meant for more, and I wasn't being allowed into it,

407
00:40:17.880 --> 00:40:19.200
you know, and all that stuff.

408
00:40:19.200 --> 00:40:26.720
It wasn't until I received where it is that I was, and how everything currently was like,

409
00:40:26.720 --> 00:40:30.000
okay, well, it's accepted the way that it is right here.

410
00:40:30.000 --> 00:40:34.400
It wasn't until I did that, that God moved me.

411
00:40:34.400 --> 00:40:35.400
Yeah.

412
00:40:35.400 --> 00:40:40.640
So God wouldn't move me until I, until I just, I stopped fighting him so much, or I stopped

413
00:40:40.640 --> 00:40:44.880
resisting the process that was going on in me, then the Lord.

414
00:40:44.880 --> 00:40:49.300
So in other words, it really speeds up the process to the point where when God would

415
00:40:49.300 --> 00:40:54.760
move me, I, by that time I didn't want to move because I'd been able to see and receive

416
00:40:54.760 --> 00:41:00.280
so much of God where it is that I will in the current situation that I was in that I'm

417
00:41:00.280 --> 00:41:02.200
like, well, no, no, no, I don't want to let go of this.

418
00:41:02.200 --> 00:41:03.400
This is great.

419
00:41:03.400 --> 00:41:07.960
You know, I now have all of this is the Lord and God has given me this and whatever, you

420
00:41:07.960 --> 00:41:08.960
know?

421
00:41:08.960 --> 00:41:11.960
So anyway, and then God's like, yeah, but now it's time.

422
00:41:11.960 --> 00:41:12.960
Yeah.

423
00:41:12.960 --> 00:41:13.960
Oh man.

424
00:41:13.960 --> 00:41:19.000
I've, I've had that happen before, but then I was still ready to leave, but I'm like,

425
00:41:19.000 --> 00:41:20.500
he taught me some things.

426
00:41:20.500 --> 00:41:22.820
And then I was like, oh Jesus help.

427
00:41:22.820 --> 00:41:25.340
I'm going to need so much help to be able to be there.

428
00:41:25.340 --> 00:41:29.660
And then he did, he changed something on the inside of me where I was okay to be there

429
00:41:29.660 --> 00:41:32.520
because I could see a purpose with it.

430
00:41:32.520 --> 00:41:35.260
But then when he moved me within three weeks, I was like, thanks.

431
00:41:35.260 --> 00:41:36.260
Yep.

432
00:41:36.260 --> 00:41:37.260
I'm out.

433
00:41:37.260 --> 00:41:38.260
Like, that's good.

434
00:41:38.260 --> 00:41:43.100
But where I was moved to was a lot better, but I still wasn't happy.

435
00:41:43.100 --> 00:41:47.620
So that's where I'm like, okay, it's probably a process, but it's, it's like the, it's the

436
00:41:47.620 --> 00:41:48.620
root thing.

437
00:41:48.620 --> 00:41:51.900
So, but it'll, it'll be good.

438
00:41:51.900 --> 00:41:58.580
It'll, it'll ha yeah, I think for the, but it's really helpful to get all these perspectives

439
00:41:58.580 --> 00:42:07.540
and like yeah, a lean into just the, the being and, and, and trusting the process and, and

440
00:42:07.540 --> 00:42:09.900
I can see it's definitely, you know, things are happening.

441
00:42:09.900 --> 00:42:14.580
Like one of my former colleagues contacted me with some social media things that I thought

442
00:42:14.580 --> 00:42:15.580
was fun, you know?

443
00:42:15.580 --> 00:42:17.460
And he's like, oh, can you help with this?

444
00:42:17.460 --> 00:42:20.500
Well, like, you know, so it's like creative stuff, which is good.

445
00:42:20.500 --> 00:42:27.740
And I was painting the other day and you know, that was life giving and I'm like, oh yeah.

446
00:42:27.740 --> 00:42:29.220
So, so things are happening.

447
00:42:29.220 --> 00:42:35.020
Things are like, as I'm starting to find things to enjoy, like things are happening and then

448
00:42:35.020 --> 00:42:43.460
these perspectives are very valuable and, and yeah, I'm excited to get to the bottom

449
00:42:43.460 --> 00:42:46.700
of it when we have our little transformation thing.

450
00:42:46.700 --> 00:42:47.700
Yeah.

451
00:42:47.700 --> 00:42:48.700
Yeah.

452
00:42:48.700 --> 00:42:49.700
Well, good.

453
00:42:49.700 --> 00:42:50.700
Well, I look forward to it.

454
00:42:50.700 --> 00:42:51.700
Yeah.

455
00:42:51.700 --> 00:42:52.700
Well, and yeah.

456
00:42:52.700 --> 00:43:01.100
So anyway, we'll talk about it off on the, on the, on through messenger, but Renata,

457
00:43:01.100 --> 00:43:02.100
how are you?

458
00:43:02.100 --> 00:43:06.300
Oh, you just hear you guys talk.

459
00:43:06.300 --> 00:43:08.860
I thought I can update a little bit.

460
00:43:08.860 --> 00:43:13.380
I think maybe some of it is similar and some it's not.

461
00:43:14.300 --> 00:43:16.100
So I thought I'd just share a bit.

462
00:43:16.100 --> 00:43:20.460
I think I've been also like come to starting to sing again.

463
00:43:20.460 --> 00:43:24.060
That's also like COVID, I moved to Bergen.

464
00:43:24.060 --> 00:43:26.420
I don't have musicians that know me.

465
00:43:26.420 --> 00:43:31.260
So for three years, I haven't been singing other than leading worship a little bit.

466
00:43:31.260 --> 00:43:39.780
So now moving into singing again, and also I, there's just coming up so many emotions

467
00:43:39.900 --> 00:43:47.100
and also with just like when you don't want anything or you don't like just being in resistance

468
00:43:47.100 --> 00:43:52.100
in relationship, like weird things, like we have this women's gathering and I just like

469
00:43:52.100 --> 00:43:55.620
I'm on edge with everyone and I don't want them to come and I don't know.

470
00:43:55.620 --> 00:43:56.620
I don't know.

471
00:43:56.620 --> 00:43:57.620
There's nothing wrong with them.

472
00:43:57.620 --> 00:44:05.380
Or with singing there comes up like, oh, I feel bad about not being, I do, I do, I do

473
00:44:05.380 --> 00:44:13.060
lead a couple of the songs, but a lot of the songs, I am the backup singer.

474
00:44:13.060 --> 00:44:16.740
And just comes up a lot of like bad emotions.

475
00:44:16.740 --> 00:44:20.060
And that makes me feel like I'm five years old.

476
00:44:20.060 --> 00:44:24.220
I'm like, I have this women's gathering in my house and I just feeling resistant.

477
00:44:24.220 --> 00:44:26.020
I just want everyone to leave.

478
00:44:26.020 --> 00:44:27.580
And I feel I'm really childish.

479
00:44:27.580 --> 00:44:29.180
I don't want to be a backup singer.

480
00:44:29.180 --> 00:44:34.500
Like I want to be the lead singer just like, and I don't know.

481
00:44:34.620 --> 00:44:40.300
And I get really, really frustrated with myself because it's like being five years old.

482
00:44:40.300 --> 00:44:44.260
And I'm like, of course, well, I am already leading a couple of songs.

483
00:44:44.260 --> 00:44:49.060
I'm singing solo on two of the songs and they don't know me.

484
00:44:49.060 --> 00:44:52.420
It's my first time performing here.

485
00:44:52.420 --> 00:44:54.220
Like this is what I said yes to.

486
00:44:54.220 --> 00:44:56.660
They're totally inviting me in.

487
00:44:56.660 --> 00:44:59.940
So then, but then I was thinking and I was.

488
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.440
really frustrated with myself. But then I just felt God said to

489
00:45:04.440 --> 00:45:11.080
me, it's longing. It's like you're just great word. And

490
00:45:11.120 --> 00:45:14.240
first, and then it didn't make sense, really, because I'm just

491
00:45:14.240 --> 00:45:17.200
being childish. And I don't understand why I'm so upset

492
00:45:17.200 --> 00:45:21.800
about things that aren't wrong. But then that thought of just

493
00:45:21.800 --> 00:45:24.840
like, you're just longing for something more or just like, you

494
00:45:24.840 --> 00:45:28.920
just have like, it's not like, I don't know, it just brought some

495
00:45:28.920 --> 00:45:33.840
kind of peace to me that it's like something deep in me that

496
00:45:33.840 --> 00:45:38.040
longs for something. And I don't know, singing again, and this

497
00:45:38.040 --> 00:45:42.280
group with women. And I don't know, there's something there

498
00:45:42.280 --> 00:45:45.880
that, yeah, but that's, I think that's frustrating that I feel

499
00:45:45.880 --> 00:45:49.680
like I'm being a five year old all the time. And I'm having so

500
00:45:49.680 --> 00:45:53.320
many weird reactions. I don't sometimes even recognize

501
00:45:53.320 --> 00:45:58.400
myself. So but I don't know, there's something there about

502
00:45:58.760 --> 00:46:04.120
there's like something deeper that I long for. And then I

503
00:46:04.120 --> 00:46:07.920
think that the other thing is with work that I relate to a lot

504
00:46:07.920 --> 00:46:12.720
of the things that Annette shares, in a way that I, I have

505
00:46:12.720 --> 00:46:15.680
had so many challenges at work, and in a way, I just want to run

506
00:46:15.680 --> 00:46:21.080
away. But and I felt I spent some time with God, and I didn't

507
00:46:21.080 --> 00:46:25.280
feel him tell me to stay another year and a half. The time I need

508
00:46:25.280 --> 00:46:28.920
to decide if I'm going to stay next August until June, like

509
00:46:28.920 --> 00:46:34.160
another school year. But then I just felt like, just like a

510
00:46:34.160 --> 00:46:38.440
piece about not doing anything. So I kind of took it as okay,

511
00:46:38.440 --> 00:46:42.280
I'm, if nothing happens, I'm going to stay another year. And

512
00:46:42.280 --> 00:46:47.480
I think maybe it is that, so I'm trying, but I don't want to, I

513
00:46:47.480 --> 00:46:51.720
go back and forth in embracing it, like, okay, there are all

514
00:46:51.720 --> 00:46:53.920
these things that I've overcome. And I see that there are

515
00:46:53.920 --> 00:46:56.680
spiritual battles, and I and we're praying into things, and I

516
00:46:56.680 --> 00:47:00.840
see God using me. And also, I like, you know, actually, I have

517
00:47:00.840 --> 00:47:04.600
been overcoming quite a bit in the classroom. But there's all

518
00:47:04.600 --> 00:47:08.400
but there's like quite a ways to go. And I can feel like the

519
00:47:08.400 --> 00:47:11.320
spiritual darkness come against me when I come to school, that

520
00:47:11.320 --> 00:47:14.960
there are things there that are definitely not in alignment. And

521
00:47:14.960 --> 00:47:19.080
it goes up and think to the leadership, I think, but all

522
00:47:19.080 --> 00:47:21.800
just things that I'm not sure about that you just sense, and

523
00:47:21.800 --> 00:47:26.880
that come up in prayer. But I don't know. But I it's hard for

524
00:47:26.880 --> 00:47:32.480
me to fully embrace it. And I think it is because it's so hard

525
00:47:32.880 --> 00:47:42.120
some of sometimes that I just want out. So there, I guess

526
00:47:42.160 --> 00:47:48.040
that's challenging, that I have, I think I have decided to stay

527
00:47:48.040 --> 00:47:51.760
not to try to look for another job. But then the thought of me

528
00:47:51.760 --> 00:47:54.920
being there for a year and a half and another period of

529
00:47:54.920 --> 00:47:59.600
waiting is so challenging that, oh, there I am, again, looking

530
00:47:59.600 --> 00:48:05.480
at jobs, or am I really gonna stay another year and a half in

531
00:48:05.760 --> 00:48:09.960
this much challenges. So I think that's it. And then another

532
00:48:10.520 --> 00:48:13.640
thing was like, I think with the discipline that's come up with

533
00:48:13.640 --> 00:48:17.080
that, which goes back to wait, but it also comes back to

534
00:48:17.200 --> 00:48:20.480
singing, for instance, in two days, we're going to have a big

535
00:48:20.480 --> 00:48:24.600
concert at the cathedral. And I don't even know the lyrics yet.

536
00:48:24.720 --> 00:48:27.680
And it's weird for being me because I'm usually very

537
00:48:27.680 --> 00:48:31.240
structured. But there's it's like something in me cannot

538
00:48:31.280 --> 00:48:36.000
discipline myself to do anything. So I don't know. And I

539
00:48:36.000 --> 00:48:39.760
feel like that with weight, I cannot start working out. It's

540
00:48:39.760 --> 00:48:43.720
just like, I just can't do it. I feel like allergic to

541
00:48:43.720 --> 00:48:47.400
discipline. And like reading lyrics, it's like it takes a lot

542
00:48:47.400 --> 00:48:50.320
of effort, you have to be really focused, you need to memorize,

543
00:48:50.320 --> 00:48:53.120
you need to spend time, you need to have energy to go into

544
00:48:53.120 --> 00:48:56.680
it. And it's like how before, like if you're having a concert,

545
00:48:56.680 --> 00:49:00.600
or you're doing things you have to memorize, it takes hours. And

546
00:49:00.600 --> 00:49:04.080
now I'm like, I can't be bothered. And I'm like, so you

547
00:49:04.080 --> 00:49:07.920
rather want to make a fool of yourself in the cathedral in two

548
00:49:07.920 --> 00:49:15.200
days. But I can't, I can't seem to discipline myself to do

549
00:49:15.200 --> 00:49:19.280
anything. And I'm like, I want so I want to live in rest with

550
00:49:19.520 --> 00:49:23.680
my weight. But that doesn't mean that I can eat anything and not

551
00:49:23.680 --> 00:49:28.400
work out. But I just can't get myself to be disciplined. And I

552
00:49:28.400 --> 00:49:33.400
think, so I think the things that so I guess I'm talking

553
00:49:33.400 --> 00:49:36.560
about three things. It's like, like the emotions of being five

554
00:49:36.560 --> 00:49:40.400
years old all the time. And it's the like not struggling to

555
00:49:40.400 --> 00:49:43.960
embrace my work. And it's like the discipline with weight and

556
00:49:43.960 --> 00:49:48.480
singing or anything like I need discipline for that I think is

557
00:49:48.480 --> 00:49:55.960
like throwing me off. Yeah. So I recognize like some of the

558
00:49:55.960 --> 00:49:59.200
things is overlapping what Annette talked about, and some

559
00:49:59.200 --> 00:49:59.960
of it is like

560
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.480
I feel like my, there are a lot of good things happening. And it

561
00:50:04.480 --> 00:50:07.840
is like, like, for instance, I am noticing that I am walking

562
00:50:07.840 --> 00:50:12.680
and rest more. But these are the things I think, yeah.

563
00:50:13.400 --> 00:50:16.640
Yeah. Well, one of the things that came to mind, you know,

564
00:50:16.640 --> 00:50:18.800
especially when you're talking about, you know, like, like, I'm

565
00:50:18.800 --> 00:50:22.720
five years old, is to like, what I was telling Annette, now, I

566
00:50:22.720 --> 00:50:25.840
feel like, you know, it's kind of been a theme recently, is

567
00:50:25.840 --> 00:50:29.520
that just allow yourself to feel that way. Meaning like,

568
00:50:29.680 --> 00:50:35.040
accept yourself fully in that place. So like, okay, so I feel

569
00:50:35.080 --> 00:50:38.000
like I would, you know, at five years old, and that's just,

570
00:50:38.040 --> 00:50:43.400
that's me, right? That's, that's, like, accept that about

571
00:50:43.400 --> 00:50:47.720
yourself. Okay, that's me. That's where I am. That is where

572
00:50:47.720 --> 00:50:52.280
I am in life. It's how far emotionally that I am in that

573
00:50:52.280 --> 00:50:57.040
particular area. And there's reasons. So it doesn't excuse

574
00:50:57.040 --> 00:50:59.440
it. It doesn't mean that you're gonna be there for forever.

575
00:50:59.480 --> 00:51:02.440
You're not saying that it's okay. But you're fully loving

576
00:51:02.440 --> 00:51:05.560
and accepting yourself and stopping resisting it. You're

577
00:51:05.560 --> 00:51:07.800
stopping resisting that that's who you are, and that that's

578
00:51:07.800 --> 00:51:10.880
what you're dealing with. You know, I don't mean who you are

579
00:51:10.880 --> 00:51:13.960
as in your identity. I just mean, like, that's just how

580
00:51:14.000 --> 00:51:17.760
that's just, it's a, it's a description of where it is that

581
00:51:17.760 --> 00:51:20.200
you currently are on your journey, and just allow it to be

582
00:51:20.200 --> 00:51:25.760
that way. And it will shockingly dissipate the, the, the

583
00:51:25.800 --> 00:51:30.000
intensity with which you're feeling it, and will also drop

584
00:51:30.040 --> 00:51:34.920
your resistance to growing out of it. Because the reason that

585
00:51:34.920 --> 00:51:38.000
you're feeling that way, is you're in protection mode.

586
00:51:38.240 --> 00:51:41.280
That's what that whole thing is, if that's stifling yourself

587
00:51:41.280 --> 00:51:44.320
emotionally to like, feeling five or whatever, there's,

588
00:51:44.320 --> 00:51:49.160
there's certain things in you, you know, that, that feel that

589
00:51:49.440 --> 00:51:52.840
are being threatened. So you're going into self protection mode.

590
00:51:53.200 --> 00:51:57.200
So what you want to do in order to feel in order to release the

591
00:51:57.200 --> 00:52:03.720
desire and release that, that, that, that fear that you're that

592
00:52:03.720 --> 00:52:06.640
you're in that in which you're trying to what we say in

593
00:52:06.640 --> 00:52:09.560
America, circle the wagons, you know, those pioneer wagons, you

594
00:52:09.560 --> 00:52:11.360
know, that used to protect themselves when the Indians

595
00:52:11.600 --> 00:52:16.240
would circle, you know, in order to protect themselves, and, and

596
00:52:16.280 --> 00:52:18.960
give themselves more of a fighting chance. So anyway, it's

597
00:52:18.960 --> 00:52:22.800
like you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're creating

598
00:52:22.800 --> 00:52:26.640
a wall around yourself. And so what do you do in order to make

599
00:52:26.640 --> 00:52:30.880
yourself feel safe enough to not need the wall, which will allow

600
00:52:30.880 --> 00:52:33.120
you to grow because you can't grow outside the wall, the wall

601
00:52:33.120 --> 00:52:36.440
is creating boundaries, like you're creating a limitation. So

602
00:52:36.440 --> 00:52:40.040
how do you begin to grow? How do you begin to like trust, trust

603
00:52:40.040 --> 00:52:43.000
God with your protection and all of that? How do you bring down

604
00:52:43.000 --> 00:52:47.160
that wall? Is you stop resisting it. And you allow yourself to be

605
00:52:47.200 --> 00:52:50.160
whatever it is that you are, and whatever it is that you're

606
00:52:50.160 --> 00:52:52.560
feeling in the moment, and you fully love and accepting

607
00:52:52.560 --> 00:52:55.400
yourself, instead of talking to yourself, like, like what we also

608
00:52:55.400 --> 00:52:58.480
want to do to children say, Hey, look, you need to stop that. And

609
00:52:58.480 --> 00:53:01.160
you need to be better, you know, better, you need to do something

610
00:53:01.160 --> 00:53:05.360
different. Well, that didn't encourage any of us to, to

611
00:53:05.360 --> 00:53:09.680
actually feel safe enough to voluntarily make the choice that

612
00:53:09.680 --> 00:53:12.680
yeah, the way I'm living life is not how I want to live. I want to

613
00:53:12.680 --> 00:53:16.920
live with more freedom. It we just feel, you know, gotten on

614
00:53:16.920 --> 00:53:20.880
to and corrected and that we're not good enough. And okay, I'm

615
00:53:20.880 --> 00:53:24.200
going to work, I'm going to have to, I want to work really hard

616
00:53:24.200 --> 00:53:28.840
to earn being told that I'm good enough. And so we don't ever want

617
00:53:28.840 --> 00:53:31.840
to have that type of relationship with ourselves, of

618
00:53:31.840 --> 00:53:35.360
like us never being good enough for ourselves. And then all

619
00:53:35.360 --> 00:53:38.600
that's required of us in order to get out of that to be

620
00:53:38.600 --> 00:53:42.720
accepted by ourselves is to work harder. And so that's what

621
00:53:42.720 --> 00:53:46.120
we're trying to avoid. So just fully love and accept yourself

622
00:53:46.120 --> 00:53:48.600
the way that you are without requiring yourself to be

623
00:53:48.600 --> 00:53:52.920
anything different and to, to stop being mad, or to stop being

624
00:53:52.920 --> 00:53:57.520
afraid. Just let yourself be afraid in your own presence.

625
00:53:58.480 --> 00:54:02.280
It's like allowing a child to feel all of its emotions in the

626
00:54:02.280 --> 00:54:05.240
presence of a parent, as opposed to the parent saying, Hey, look,

627
00:54:05.280 --> 00:54:08.480
I don't want to deal with that. That's not appropriate. If you

628
00:54:08.480 --> 00:54:11.920
come to me feeling like that, I'm going to just correct you

629
00:54:11.920 --> 00:54:15.520
and get onto you or send you away from me. And so we don't

630
00:54:15.520 --> 00:54:17.520
want to do that with him, because that's not healthy. We

631
00:54:17.520 --> 00:54:19.480
don't want to do that with ourselves, because then we just

632
00:54:19.480 --> 00:54:22.720
don't feel safe. So you'll notice that it'll sound very,

633
00:54:22.720 --> 00:54:26.280
it's very counter, you think that, oh, I'm giving in to

634
00:54:26.280 --> 00:54:30.680
myself. And therefore, I'm going to feel it even more that you do

635
00:54:30.680 --> 00:54:33.960
the opposite way. And I'm telling you what, it'll happen

636
00:54:33.960 --> 00:54:36.760
in a moment is as soon as you accept yourself, you're like,

637
00:54:36.760 --> 00:54:42.400
okay, I'm scared. Or I just flat out don't want to. I don't want

638
00:54:42.400 --> 00:54:46.080
to read the lyrics. I don't want to have to do that tonight. I

639
00:54:46.320 --> 00:54:50.440
and you accept the fact that you don't want to, okay, I don't

640
00:54:50.440 --> 00:54:53.280
want to. It doesn't mean that you're going to make the

641
00:54:53.280 --> 00:54:58.200
decision to follow through on not doing it. It means that you

642
00:54:58.520 --> 00:55:00.040
you're not giving power.

643
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.800
for your decisions to dictate your actions.

644
00:55:04.800 --> 00:55:05.960
I mean, your emotions,

645
00:55:05.960 --> 00:55:07.480
you're not giving power to your emotions

646
00:55:07.480 --> 00:55:09.200
to dictate your actions.

647
00:55:09.200 --> 00:55:11.240
You're just accepting your emotions

648
00:55:11.240 --> 00:55:12.840
and not resisting them anymore.

649
00:55:12.840 --> 00:55:13.900
Oh, it's okay.

650
00:55:13.900 --> 00:55:16.080
This is who I am, or not who I am,

651
00:55:16.080 --> 00:55:17.640
but this is just how I feel right now.

652
00:55:17.640 --> 00:55:21.320
It's like, I feel mad or I don't want to do the lyrics.

653
00:55:21.320 --> 00:55:23.520
And accept that about yourself.

654
00:55:23.520 --> 00:55:26.200
And it's different than the way that you're telling me,

655
00:55:26.200 --> 00:55:27.680
because you're telling me,

656
00:55:27.680 --> 00:55:30.480
oh, Ashley, I don't want to do the lyrics and whatever.

657
00:55:30.480 --> 00:55:31.980
But when you're telling me,

658
00:55:31.980 --> 00:55:34.000
there's an aspect of you that's like,

659
00:55:34.000 --> 00:55:37.280
yeah, but I know I shouldn't be like that.

660
00:55:37.280 --> 00:55:38.920
And this is not,

661
00:55:38.920 --> 00:55:41.160
so there's some resistance that's still there

662
00:55:41.160 --> 00:55:43.200
to you not wanting it.

663
00:55:43.200 --> 00:55:44.400
Does that make sense?

664
00:55:44.400 --> 00:55:46.720
You don't want to not want it.

665
00:55:46.720 --> 00:55:49.600
And you're fighting the fact that this is how I feel

666
00:55:49.600 --> 00:55:50.720
because you feel bad.

667
00:55:50.720 --> 00:55:52.360
You feel like, oh, I'm sinning.

668
00:55:52.360 --> 00:55:53.280
This is wrong.

669
00:55:53.280 --> 00:55:55.080
I shouldn't do this.

670
00:55:55.080 --> 00:55:58.120
So being honest about it is not the same thing

671
00:55:58.120 --> 00:55:59.600
as accepting it about yourself.

672
00:55:59.600 --> 00:56:00.440
Accepting it.

673
00:56:00.440 --> 00:56:01.440
Does that make sense?

674
00:56:01.440 --> 00:56:02.880
So you're being honest,

675
00:56:02.880 --> 00:56:05.920
but you're not allowing yourself to be okay

676
00:56:05.920 --> 00:56:07.640
with you not wanting it.

677
00:56:07.640 --> 00:56:08.960
That's what I'm saying.

678
00:56:08.960 --> 00:56:11.260
You have to allow yourself to be okay

679
00:56:11.260 --> 00:56:13.260
with the fact that you do not want it.

680
00:56:15.320 --> 00:56:19.480
And so that emotionally, you can just,

681
00:56:19.480 --> 00:56:22.560
emotionally, you can be safe with yourself to not want it.

682
00:56:22.560 --> 00:56:24.800
Without you fighting it and correcting yourself

683
00:56:25.320 --> 00:56:26.880
I just don't want it.

684
00:56:26.880 --> 00:56:28.520
And here's the thing.

685
00:56:28.520 --> 00:56:30.160
When you accept that,

686
00:56:30.160 --> 00:56:33.040
then suddenly your soul stops thinking

687
00:56:33.040 --> 00:56:38.040
that it has to protect itself from your discipline.

688
00:56:39.360 --> 00:56:41.040
That it has to protect itself

689
00:56:41.040 --> 00:56:43.120
from your decision to do it anyway.

690
00:56:43.960 --> 00:56:46.880
It'll stop resisting you.

691
00:56:46.880 --> 00:56:49.880
And so what you'll find is that as soon as you,

692
00:56:49.880 --> 00:56:52.760
as soon as you accept the fact that you just don't want to,

693
00:56:52.760 --> 00:56:54.080
you're like, okay.

694
00:56:54.080 --> 00:56:56.320
Then that's just where I am right now.

695
00:56:56.320 --> 00:56:57.720
I just don't want to.

696
00:56:57.720 --> 00:56:58.560
Oh, okay.

697
00:56:58.560 --> 00:57:01.440
Well, so what am I going to do then?

698
00:57:01.440 --> 00:57:04.800
Well, the thing's going to come up

699
00:57:04.800 --> 00:57:07.480
and I'm okay with the fact that I don't want to,

700
00:57:07.480 --> 00:57:09.800
but what am I going to choose to do?

701
00:57:09.800 --> 00:57:11.120
So basically what you've done

702
00:57:11.120 --> 00:57:14.120
is you've chosen to own yourself in that moment.

703
00:57:14.120 --> 00:57:18.120
You fully accept yourself for how it is that you feel.

704
00:57:18.120 --> 00:57:19.280
You love yourself anyway.

705
00:57:19.280 --> 00:57:21.640
And you're like, I don't require you to feel any different.

706
00:57:21.640 --> 00:57:23.040
You feel that way if you want to.

707
00:57:23.040 --> 00:57:24.680
Just not want to, that's fine.

708
00:57:24.680 --> 00:57:27.200
But what do I, as a ruling king,

709
00:57:27.200 --> 00:57:28.720
what do I choose to do with my life?

710
00:57:28.720 --> 00:57:31.240
Well, what it is, what do I want?

711
00:57:31.240 --> 00:57:32.520
How do I want to move forward?

712
00:57:32.520 --> 00:57:34.120
What do I want to be part of my life?

713
00:57:34.120 --> 00:57:37.640
Well, I want to be able to sing well in this thing

714
00:57:37.640 --> 00:57:39.680
and I want to be able to do well.

715
00:57:39.680 --> 00:57:41.080
And so therefore I'm going to do that

716
00:57:41.080 --> 00:57:42.520
because I choose to do that

717
00:57:42.520 --> 00:57:46.880
as opposed to I'm resisting having to do it.

718
00:57:46.880 --> 00:57:49.640
It's lurking and it's coming and I don't,

719
00:57:49.640 --> 00:57:52.320
and I'm in rebellion protecting myself against it

720
00:57:52.320 --> 00:57:53.880
because it's making me do things

721
00:57:53.880 --> 00:57:55.680
and it's making me learn the lyrics

722
00:57:55.680 --> 00:57:58.680
and it's making me spend time to do what I don't want to.

723
00:57:58.680 --> 00:58:00.120
That's what you're doing.

724
00:58:00.120 --> 00:58:02.120
You're protecting yourself against something

725
00:58:02.120 --> 00:58:05.240
that you think you're being made to do.

726
00:58:05.240 --> 00:58:08.480
So you turn the tables on it and you decide,

727
00:58:08.480 --> 00:58:10.240
no, that's what I want to do.

728
00:58:10.240 --> 00:58:11.640
No one's making me.

729
00:58:11.640 --> 00:58:13.280
The event's not making me.

730
00:58:13.280 --> 00:58:14.600
The leader's not making me.

731
00:58:14.600 --> 00:58:17.160
The situation's not making me.

732
00:58:17.160 --> 00:58:20.320
No, this is, I choose to be in this situation.

733
00:58:20.320 --> 00:58:21.920
I choose to follow through.

734
00:58:22.520 --> 00:58:26.080
I choose to give this to me because this is how I choose.

735
00:58:26.080 --> 00:58:28.960
I choose that situation for my life.

736
00:58:28.960 --> 00:58:30.960
I choose singing in the cathedral,

737
00:58:30.960 --> 00:58:35.680
knowing my lyrics because that's what I want for me,

738
00:58:35.680 --> 00:58:37.600
not because I'm trying to fulfill an obligation

739
00:58:37.600 --> 00:58:41.440
for someone else or, you know,

740
00:58:41.440 --> 00:58:43.840
just picking myself up on my own bootstraps

741
00:58:43.840 --> 00:58:45.760
and whipping myself and just like, nope,

742
00:58:45.760 --> 00:58:46.600
you're just going to do it

743
00:58:46.600 --> 00:58:49.080
because I'm going to make you.

744
00:58:49.080 --> 00:58:51.960
I choose, what do I want for me?

745
00:58:51.960 --> 00:58:53.960
So you're still do the same actions,

746
00:58:53.960 --> 00:58:54.920
but you're now doing it

747
00:58:54.920 --> 00:58:56.480
from a completely different perspective.

748
00:58:56.480 --> 00:59:00.040
You turn the tables on it and now you own the situation.

749
00:59:00.040 --> 00:59:01.640
It's no longer owning you.

750
00:59:02.680 --> 00:59:03.800
Any of this making sense?

751
00:59:03.800 --> 00:59:05.000
I know I'm talking a lot.

752
00:59:08.120 --> 00:59:10.600
It does, but can it also be,

753
00:59:10.600 --> 00:59:12.440
I don't want to be in this women group,

754
00:59:12.440 --> 00:59:13.840
so I don't want to be there.

755
00:59:16.320 --> 00:59:18.120
So is it, what is it?

756
00:59:18.120 --> 00:59:19.680
Is it a Bible study?

757
00:59:19.680 --> 00:59:23.520
Is it a, what is the, did you lead it?

758
00:59:23.520 --> 00:59:24.360
What are you?

759
00:59:24.360 --> 00:59:26.160
No, I host it.

760
00:59:26.160 --> 00:59:29.280
It's at my house quite often.

761
00:59:29.280 --> 00:59:30.320
Yeah.

762
00:59:30.320 --> 00:59:32.720
But I'm just in resistance towers to women.

763
00:59:32.720 --> 00:59:33.840
And I-

764
00:59:33.840 --> 00:59:38.200
To women in general or to these women?

765
00:59:38.200 --> 00:59:40.160
To these women.

766
00:59:40.160 --> 00:59:41.000
Okay.

767
00:59:41.000 --> 00:59:42.320
Women in general will be fine.

768
00:59:43.160 --> 00:59:45.040
I have issues with that too.

769
00:59:45.920 --> 00:59:47.680
I was just trying to clarify,

770
00:59:48.280 --> 00:59:49.720
so how big is this problem?

771
00:59:50.640 --> 00:59:51.840
Is it like women?

772
00:59:51.840 --> 00:59:55.120
No, I think it is,

773
00:59:55.120 --> 00:59:56.600
but I think it is that I'm,

774
00:59:59.600 --> 01:00:00.440
I just-

775
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.540
I don't know why I'm so critical against them.

776
01:00:03.540 --> 01:00:04.780
Maybe because they're different.

777
01:00:04.780 --> 01:00:06.580
They're a lot more different for me

778
01:00:06.580 --> 01:00:09.100
than most of my friends.

779
01:00:09.100 --> 01:00:12.220
And I just have very little patience with them

780
01:00:12.220 --> 01:00:14.220
and I'm very critical.

781
01:00:14.220 --> 01:00:16.340
And I don't want to be at that women's group

782
01:00:16.340 --> 01:00:17.580
and I don't want to host it,

783
01:00:17.580 --> 01:00:19.660
but then it's very convenient to host it

784
01:00:19.660 --> 01:00:22.460
because I live in the middle of the center.

785
01:00:22.460 --> 01:00:24.740
So it's very easy for people to come.

786
01:00:24.740 --> 01:00:25.740
We're one of the few people

787
01:00:25.740 --> 01:00:28.180
that actually has a big apartment in town

788
01:00:28.200 --> 01:00:32.640
since it's like a very big city or like in Norway scale.

789
01:00:32.640 --> 01:00:33.480
So-

790
01:00:33.480 --> 01:00:34.680
Your roommates in on it?

791
01:00:34.680 --> 01:00:37.320
Like y'all decided together to host it?

792
01:00:37.320 --> 01:00:38.160
Yeah.

793
01:00:38.160 --> 01:00:41.300
She wants to and she loves it and she loves the women.

794
01:00:41.300 --> 01:00:43.200
She loves everything that's going on

795
01:00:43.200 --> 01:00:45.040
and everyone wants it to be at our house

796
01:00:45.040 --> 01:00:48.660
because it's so convenient and I just don't want to.

797
01:00:49.520 --> 01:00:50.360
I just-

798
01:00:50.360 --> 01:00:51.300
So you don't even want to go

799
01:00:51.300 --> 01:00:53.280
even if it's at somebody else's house?

800
01:00:53.280 --> 01:00:54.120
No.

801
01:00:54.120 --> 01:00:54.940
Yeah.

802
01:00:54.940 --> 01:00:55.780
But then I don't know if that's like

803
01:00:55.780 --> 01:00:57.600
the devil is trying to hold me away from it

804
01:00:57.620 --> 01:00:58.820
because it is a good thing.

805
01:00:58.820 --> 01:01:01.340
It's like a gathering of women in the church.

806
01:01:01.340 --> 01:01:04.840
It's a good thing coming together, share lives, pray.

807
01:01:04.840 --> 01:01:08.260
It's very healthy and it brings the women closer.

808
01:01:08.260 --> 01:01:11.020
I don't know, but I just don't want to be there

809
01:01:11.020 --> 01:01:11.860
and I don't want to-

810
01:01:11.860 --> 01:01:13.780
Well, there's-

811
01:01:13.780 --> 01:01:14.620
I don't know.

812
01:01:14.620 --> 01:01:16.420
There's lots of good things in the world

813
01:01:16.420 --> 01:01:18.940
and they're not all for us to be a part of.

814
01:01:18.940 --> 01:01:20.700
We can't be a part of everything good.

815
01:01:20.700 --> 01:01:23.020
There's too much good in the world

816
01:01:23.020 --> 01:01:24.820
for us to be able to do all of it.

817
01:01:24.820 --> 01:01:27.880
So you can free yourself just like,

818
01:01:27.880 --> 01:01:30.400
just because it's good doesn't obligate us to it.

819
01:01:30.400 --> 01:01:32.080
So you're free.

820
01:01:32.080 --> 01:01:34.920
So now that you're free, you know, you just,

821
01:01:34.920 --> 01:01:36.520
what I, here's what I would recommend

822
01:01:36.520 --> 01:01:38.640
because you're wanting to hear from the Lord.

823
01:01:38.640 --> 01:01:41.120
Lord, do you want me to be part of this group or not?

824
01:01:41.120 --> 01:01:43.600
Or have you already, or do you already know?

825
01:01:43.600 --> 01:01:44.440
No.

826
01:01:44.440 --> 01:01:45.280
Is this a question or do you know?

827
01:01:45.280 --> 01:01:46.400
You don't know.

828
01:01:46.400 --> 01:01:47.220
Okay.

829
01:01:47.220 --> 01:01:50.740
So here's one of the things that I would suggest to do

830
01:01:50.740 --> 01:01:54.000
to be able to hear from the Lord a little more clearly

831
01:01:54.000 --> 01:01:59.000
and be able to not be in resistance to hearing him,

832
01:01:59.420 --> 01:02:00.740
because in other words,

833
01:02:00.740 --> 01:02:04.660
to remove the resistance to hearing him on this subject,

834
01:02:04.660 --> 01:02:09.380
because if we, if our emotions can create resistance

835
01:02:09.380 --> 01:02:10.460
to being able to hear God,

836
01:02:10.460 --> 01:02:12.220
so how do we remove the emotional part?

837
01:02:12.220 --> 01:02:14.860
So it's more, we can become,

838
01:02:14.860 --> 01:02:18.180
we can more clearly hear what the Lord wants us to do is,

839
01:02:18.180 --> 01:02:21.620
and I walked somebody else through this yesterday,

840
01:02:21.620 --> 01:02:24.440
I think maybe the whole idea of,

841
01:02:24.440 --> 01:02:26.320
now we weren't talking about their enemies,

842
01:02:26.320 --> 01:02:28.080
but I said, it's the same principle

843
01:02:28.080 --> 01:02:29.680
as praying for your enemies,

844
01:02:29.680 --> 01:02:32.520
is that what it does is it changes our hearts

845
01:02:32.520 --> 01:02:35.760
towards someone if we pray for them.

846
01:02:35.760 --> 01:02:38.640
And by that, I don't mean just conceptually like,

847
01:02:38.640 --> 01:02:41.360
oh yeah, Lord, you know, I know you love them

848
01:02:41.360 --> 01:02:42.200
because you know what?

849
01:02:42.200 --> 01:02:43.400
You love the world.

850
01:02:43.400 --> 01:02:45.920
And so, and you bless the world.

851
01:02:45.920 --> 01:02:49.440
So like you bless everybody and like you love everybody,

852
01:02:49.440 --> 01:02:50.600
do that for these people.

853
01:02:51.100 --> 01:02:54.100
That's too conceptual, it's not specific,

854
01:02:54.100 --> 01:02:55.820
and it's not intentional.

855
01:02:55.820 --> 01:02:59.220
So what you wanna do is you wanna give your spirit,

856
01:02:59.220 --> 01:03:03.060
your spirit's blessing, a blessing from your spirit

857
01:03:03.060 --> 01:03:07.100
over these people like petitioning for

858
01:03:07.100 --> 01:03:11.940
and interceding for them before the throne

859
01:03:11.940 --> 01:03:16.520
and asking God specifically to pour out blessing

860
01:03:16.540 --> 01:03:18.900
and to help so-and-so, you know,

861
01:03:18.900 --> 01:03:22.220
to reveal your love, Lord, to so-and-so or to whatever.

862
01:03:22.220 --> 01:03:24.140
Also, you know what I'm talking about,

863
01:03:24.140 --> 01:03:28.780
about talking to souls and bodies and spirits,

864
01:03:28.780 --> 01:03:32.840
I always, I recommend doing that to other people as well,

865
01:03:32.840 --> 01:03:34.460
is shifting into your spirit,

866
01:03:34.460 --> 01:03:35.980
because you can only do this from your spirit,

867
01:03:35.980 --> 01:03:37.660
can't do it from your soul.

868
01:03:37.660 --> 01:03:38.940
That shift into your spirit,

869
01:03:38.940 --> 01:03:40.340
remember who it is that you are,

870
01:03:40.340 --> 01:03:42.020
and then from your spirit, in other words,

871
01:03:42.020 --> 01:03:43.260
your union with the Lord,

872
01:03:43.260 --> 01:03:45.660
from that place of union in Christ,

873
01:03:45.660 --> 01:03:48.120
is ask the Lord to reveal to you who they are

874
01:03:48.120 --> 01:03:50.240
and then pray into that.

875
01:03:50.240 --> 01:03:51.800
And I don't mean specifically like,

876
01:03:51.800 --> 01:03:54.520
oh, well, you know, they're a great leader

877
01:03:54.520 --> 01:03:55.520
or they're a great teacher

878
01:03:55.520 --> 01:03:56.920
or God has this for their future.

879
01:03:56.920 --> 01:03:58.480
I don't mean specifics like that.

880
01:03:58.480 --> 01:04:00.920
I mean, just like they're perfect.

881
01:04:00.920 --> 01:04:03.040
God loves them unconditionally.

882
01:04:03.040 --> 01:04:04.080
They're just amazing.

883
01:04:04.080 --> 01:04:07.160
And ask to see them the way that God sees them

884
01:04:07.160 --> 01:04:11.720
and talk to their soul and speak blessing over them

885
01:04:11.720 --> 01:04:15.520
from the authority of being united with Christ,

886
01:04:16.340 --> 01:04:17.980
because from that place you are in,

887
01:04:17.980 --> 01:04:19.300
being in union with Christ,

888
01:04:19.300 --> 01:04:22.060
you are in the place from whom you're,

889
01:04:22.060 --> 01:04:25.540
if you're asking for blessings from God to them,

890
01:04:25.540 --> 01:04:27.860
those blessings have to come from somewhere.

891
01:04:27.860 --> 01:04:29.620
They literally, not figuratively,

892
01:04:29.620 --> 01:04:34.220
they literally come from inside Christ to that person.

893
01:04:34.220 --> 01:04:36.220
And if you were inside Christ,

894
01:04:36.220 --> 01:04:37.940
you're literally in the place

895
01:04:37.940 --> 01:04:40.940
from which the blessing is being sent.

896
01:04:40.940 --> 01:04:43.740
So from the place where you're asking God

897
01:04:43.740 --> 01:04:44.860
to send out a blessing,

898
01:04:45.200 --> 01:04:49.040
your spirit has authority to speak the blessing

899
01:04:49.040 --> 01:04:53.600
from where you are in Christ to that soul.

900
01:04:53.600 --> 01:04:55.040
And so that's what you pray for.

901
01:04:55.040 --> 01:04:57.000
And you ask the Lord for that.

902
01:04:57.000 --> 01:04:59.160
And I don't mean that saying specific things

903
01:04:59.160 --> 01:05:00.320
like Lord, give them.

904
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.480
lots of money and do that because you haven't asked,

905
01:05:02.480 --> 01:05:05.320
you know, I'm talking about general blessings over people

906
01:05:05.320 --> 01:05:08.960
that we know from the Lord, we are allowed to pray.

907
01:05:08.960 --> 01:05:11.480
We're allowed to speak over them, you know,

908
01:05:11.480 --> 01:05:13.360
just like Lord, you know,

909
01:05:13.360 --> 01:05:16.360
build to them that you love them and, you know,

910
01:05:16.360 --> 01:05:18.160
we do this and do that and we,

911
01:05:18.160 --> 01:05:21.340
and Lord greatly bless them and remove obstacles,

912
01:05:21.340 --> 01:05:24.360
you know, from, you know,

913
01:05:24.360 --> 01:05:26.360
that are currently in their way,

914
01:05:26.360 --> 01:05:27.960
that are keeping them from hearing you.

915
01:05:28.200 --> 01:05:29.480
And so basically,

916
01:05:29.480 --> 01:05:32.280
and I would recommend doing that from now

917
01:05:32.280 --> 01:05:34.520
until the next time that y'all meet,

918
01:05:34.520 --> 01:05:37.860
and you will notice that your heart will change.

919
01:05:37.860 --> 01:05:40.840
And I don't mean it will change to the point where

920
01:05:40.840 --> 01:05:44.460
you now want to be part of the group.

921
01:05:44.460 --> 01:05:46.060
You probably will,

922
01:05:46.060 --> 01:05:49.520
but that's not the purpose of what I'm talking about

923
01:05:49.520 --> 01:05:52.080
with this, I'm talking about do that.

924
01:05:52.080 --> 01:05:57.080
And now you've removed your emotional resistance

925
01:05:57.240 --> 01:06:00.200
that really doesn't want to do this.

926
01:06:00.200 --> 01:06:03.120
I mean, meaning like do the Bible study or whatever it is,

927
01:06:03.120 --> 01:06:04.320
this women's group.

928
01:06:04.320 --> 01:06:06.480
And so now that you no longer have

929
01:06:06.480 --> 01:06:07.720
that emotional resistance,

930
01:06:07.720 --> 01:06:09.840
now you can more clearly hear from the Lord,

931
01:06:09.840 --> 01:06:12.680
whether or not these women are who he wants you

932
01:06:12.680 --> 01:06:14.400
to be investing in right now,

933
01:06:14.400 --> 01:06:16.320
or does he have other people he wants you

934
01:06:16.320 --> 01:06:18.680
to be spending your time and investment in?

935
01:06:18.680 --> 01:06:20.760
So, and in the meantime, if he says,

936
01:06:20.760 --> 01:06:22.640
hey, you know, not I'm revealing to you,

937
01:06:22.640 --> 01:06:25.860
this isn't the group, it's a different group.

938
01:06:25.860 --> 01:06:30.860
And in the meantime, you will have left having blessed them.

939
01:06:31.820 --> 01:06:35.420
You will have left instead of just,

940
01:06:35.420 --> 01:06:38.420
instead of kind of like emotionally or spiritually,

941
01:06:38.420 --> 01:06:40.580
like kind of like fighting them or whatever,

942
01:06:40.580 --> 01:06:43.740
you've given them what it is that you had.

943
01:06:43.740 --> 01:06:46.660
And God says, now everything else that you have,

944
01:06:46.660 --> 01:06:49.980
I'm calling you to pour into other people and knock them.

945
01:06:49.980 --> 01:06:53.420
So God could just reveal to you that, hey, yeah,

946
01:06:53.420 --> 01:06:55.620
I'm gonna give you my heart for them.

947
01:06:56.540 --> 01:06:58.580
Or he could be like, you know,

948
01:06:58.580 --> 01:07:00.380
thank you for being Jesus to them.

949
01:07:00.380 --> 01:07:03.140
Thank you for being who it is that I am to them

950
01:07:03.140 --> 01:07:06.020
in their lives, but I'm calling you,

951
01:07:06.020 --> 01:07:07.940
but I have other people to pour into them right now

952
01:07:07.940 --> 01:07:08.940
in their time in their lives,

953
01:07:08.940 --> 01:07:11.180
and I'm calling you into other people.

954
01:07:11.180 --> 01:07:13.580
So I think that that will help.

955
01:07:13.580 --> 01:07:17.060
This honestly does not have to take a long time.

956
01:07:17.060 --> 01:07:21.140
I didn't know about you, but I'm not one of those

957
01:07:21.140 --> 01:07:23.900
intercessors that like loves just praying,

958
01:07:23.900 --> 01:07:26.060
spending lots of time praying for other people

959
01:07:26.060 --> 01:07:28.180
and praying for so-and-so and praying for Aunt Susie

960
01:07:28.180 --> 01:07:30.900
and writing down this and going through this list.

961
01:07:30.900 --> 01:07:32.780
I've always been amazed at people that do that.

962
01:07:32.780 --> 01:07:34.700
I'm like, how long did you do that?

963
01:07:34.700 --> 01:07:36.620
I just, I just not have been,

964
01:07:36.620 --> 01:07:38.660
that's just not been given to me.

965
01:07:38.660 --> 01:07:40.260
So I can grow in that.

966
01:07:40.260 --> 01:07:41.980
So my point is it doesn't,

967
01:07:41.980 --> 01:07:44.260
something that I've learned about praying period,

968
01:07:44.260 --> 01:07:45.740
let alone praying for people,

969
01:07:45.740 --> 01:07:47.540
is it's not the amount of time,

970
01:07:47.540 --> 01:07:50.420
it's the seriousness and the intentionality.

971
01:07:50.420 --> 01:07:53.060
So when you do it, be all in.

972
01:07:53.100 --> 01:07:55.420
No distractions, no thinking about anything else.

973
01:07:55.420 --> 01:07:56.860
You can even set a timer.

974
01:07:56.860 --> 01:07:58.100
Just like, okay, I'm gonna,

975
01:07:58.100 --> 01:08:00.460
I don't have to worry about this going too long.

976
01:08:00.460 --> 01:08:02.220
I've got a timer that's gonna alert me,

977
01:08:02.220 --> 01:08:05.260
and Lord, I am praying for this person.

978
01:08:05.260 --> 01:08:07.860
And I'm thinking about nothing but you and your heart

979
01:08:07.860 --> 01:08:10.380
for this person, and I'm asking you for this.

980
01:08:10.380 --> 01:08:12.900
So pray from what you're feeling in your spirit

981
01:08:12.900 --> 01:08:14.060
that God is telling you to pray.

982
01:08:14.060 --> 01:08:15.980
You don't just pray whatever.

983
01:08:15.980 --> 01:08:17.859
Pray whatever God's leading you in your spirit

984
01:08:17.859 --> 01:08:19.140
to pray over them.

985
01:08:19.140 --> 01:08:21.580
Just do it very intentionally.

986
01:08:21.580 --> 01:08:23.260
And then just, I would recommend,

987
01:08:23.260 --> 01:08:25.060
it's probably not like 40 people.

988
01:08:25.060 --> 01:08:27.979
It's probably, you know, like 10 or something like that.

989
01:08:27.979 --> 01:08:30.220
Just go through each of them individually

990
01:08:30.220 --> 01:08:31.779
is what I would recommend.

991
01:08:31.779 --> 01:08:33.180
And then just pray a blessing over them.

992
01:08:33.180 --> 01:08:37.100
I mean, my goodness, it could take five minutes or less.

993
01:08:37.100 --> 01:08:39.740
It was very short, but it'll be very powerful.

994
01:08:39.740 --> 01:08:42.500
And I think that that might help.

995
01:08:43.819 --> 01:08:48.500
Yeah, I think that, I think that sounds good.

996
01:08:48.500 --> 01:08:51.580
I think, and especially with some of them

997
01:08:51.580 --> 01:08:54.340
that I feel more in resistance to than others,

998
01:08:54.340 --> 01:08:56.859
because I am actually thinking or believing,

999
01:08:56.859 --> 01:08:59.500
I have a sense that this women's group

1000
01:08:59.500 --> 01:09:01.300
is something God is doing in the church.

1001
01:09:01.300 --> 01:09:02.300
It's a good thing.

1002
01:09:02.300 --> 01:09:06.420
So I, and I think it's more, maybe it's more like,

1003
01:09:06.420 --> 01:09:09.340
I think actually it might be that God wants me there

1004
01:09:09.340 --> 01:09:12.700
and maybe even wants me to have an important role in it.

1005
01:09:12.700 --> 01:09:17.700
But on the way, I come across hindrances.

1006
01:09:17.700 --> 01:09:20.220
That is more, it's more of an attack

1007
01:09:20.220 --> 01:09:23.420
than actually God leading me away from it, I think.

1008
01:09:23.420 --> 01:09:25.500
But I'm also having a thought when you were talking,

1009
01:09:25.500 --> 01:09:28.620
could it also be that you feel unprovided for

1010
01:09:28.620 --> 01:09:29.979
or unprotected?

1011
01:09:31.020 --> 01:09:33.180
Oh yeah, absolutely.

1012
01:09:33.180 --> 01:09:35.220
That it's like, if it's like, for instance,

1013
01:09:35.220 --> 01:09:38.740
if it's someone that doesn't have a natural sense

1014
01:09:38.740 --> 01:09:40.540
of boundaries that just, for instance,

1015
01:09:40.540 --> 01:09:42.979
go on and on talking and talking

1016
01:09:42.979 --> 01:09:45.859
and can't really see herself.

1017
01:09:45.859 --> 01:09:47.300
Yeah.

1018
01:09:47.300 --> 01:09:48.460
Can the resistance come from,

1019
01:09:48.460 --> 01:09:51.460
I actually with this person don't feel protected

1020
01:09:51.460 --> 01:09:54.140
or provided for, or I'm not seen.

1021
01:09:54.140 --> 01:09:57.020
So then I become very critical against the way she is

1022
01:09:57.020 --> 01:09:59.100
because she doesn't see herself.

1023
01:09:59.100 --> 01:09:59.940
Right.

1024
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.280
several of those in the same group that actually you don't feel protected or provided for?

1025
01:10:05.280 --> 01:10:11.040
Yeah. Oh yeah. No, absolutely. Yeah. Very insightful. That's exactly what can happen.

1026
01:10:11.040 --> 01:10:14.240
You know, where you feel like, I don't know, you can feel it for different reasons. You

1027
01:10:14.240 --> 01:10:19.720
can feel like, well, why are, you know, we're all letting them get away with it, but I don't

1028
01:10:19.720 --> 01:10:24.720
let myself do that. And, you know, so I'm still limited while everybody else can just

1029
01:10:24.720 --> 01:10:29.240
have a free for all. And we have to sit there and listen to it. No one's going to say anything.

1030
01:10:29.240 --> 01:10:34.960
And then you feel a bit of victim to someone else's lack of respect for other people's

1031
01:10:34.960 --> 01:10:41.320
time is what it can feel like, you know? So that's when you again, choose, okay, I'm not

1032
01:10:41.320 --> 01:10:47.360
a victim or God and I okay. Yeah. God and I are fine. I'm secure in him. He protects

1033
01:10:47.360 --> 01:10:54.400
me just like I can just, so therefore he protects my time. I don't have to protect it. He is.

1034
01:10:54.400 --> 01:10:59.040
So he's fully aware that I am sitting here in this and that they are going on and on

1035
01:10:59.040 --> 01:11:03.800
and on. Now, someone is the leader of the group. They can learn between them and the

1036
01:11:03.800 --> 01:11:08.960
Lord, how to put down those boundaries and kind of manage that a bit better. But if you're

1037
01:11:08.960 --> 01:11:13.080
not one of those leaders, well, then it's just, if then you're just kind of sitting

1038
01:11:13.080 --> 01:11:17.560
there feeling victim to, like I said, they're disrespective everybody else's time. So then

1039
01:11:17.560 --> 01:11:21.880
then you choose, okay, I'm not a victim. I'm not a victim to what some, somebody else's

1040
01:11:21.880 --> 01:11:27.360
decisions and, and being forced to have to respond or to react to something that somebody

1041
01:11:27.360 --> 01:11:32.720
else decides that how somebody else decides they want to live life. I need to regain ownership

1042
01:11:32.720 --> 01:11:39.640
of my life and understand. I do have ownership of my life and now they can do whatever. So

1043
01:11:39.640 --> 01:11:44.760
that's why I will just, I will just sit here while they talk, you know, and they can, you

1044
01:11:44.760 --> 01:11:49.320
know, they can just take a long time if at once. And I, you know, you may not enjoy it

1045
01:11:49.320 --> 01:11:53.480
and all of that, that's fine, but whatever it is, but what I always try to do is I always

1046
01:11:53.480 --> 01:11:58.840
try to regain freedom for myself as opposed to feeling like I'm not free and it's being

1047
01:11:58.840 --> 01:12:04.120
taken away and I'm a victim and I'm being chained to this situation or this, whatever.

1048
01:12:04.120 --> 01:12:07.880
And so just regain that between you and the Lord, because all the whole rest intensive,

1049
01:12:07.880 --> 01:12:13.640
the whole, the whole message, the entire message is the gospel of Christ that he bought our

1050
01:12:13.640 --> 01:12:20.760
freedom, you know, and it says, and it says it was for freedom that Christ has set us

1051
01:12:20.840 --> 01:12:25.720
free. That's the purpose. And that's the reason. So God says, you know, reclaim that freedom.

1052
01:12:25.720 --> 01:12:31.480
You know, I bought that for you. So choose it. So, and you can do that while other people do

1053
01:12:31.480 --> 01:12:38.840
whatever it is that they want, that doesn't tie you emotionally to it. So anyway, does that help

1054
01:12:38.840 --> 01:12:58.600
as well? So, yeah, that was, that was so good. Yeah. Well, yeah. I'm glad you could relate to

1055
01:12:58.600 --> 01:13:07.000
it too. Yeah. We all can. We just hope that other people can't relate to it.

1056
01:13:09.800 --> 01:13:16.040
I don't know. Yeah. I might be one of them. I sure can. I don't usually do it outside of the

1057
01:13:16.040 --> 01:13:24.840
rest intensive, but, but I, I can, you know, I, I can, especially in the rest and tend to just start

1058
01:13:24.840 --> 01:13:36.040
and then just keep going there. All right. Well, it's good to see y'all and I'm so sad. This was

1059
01:13:36.040 --> 01:13:46.920
our last time. I know. Well, I mean, I know it's at two in the morning. If either of y'all want to

1060
01:13:46.920 --> 01:13:52.280
make it for either Tuesday or Thursday, that would be great. And I'm sorry that we didn't,

1061
01:13:52.280 --> 01:13:58.200
we're not with my, with my moving and my schedule was not able to coordinate a time for us to all

1062
01:13:58.200 --> 01:14:02.280
get together, like an additional time on a Saturday or anything like I was hoping to,

1063
01:14:02.280 --> 01:14:09.640
but, but anyway, I hope that it's been helpful to also watch all of the recordings of the others

1064
01:14:09.640 --> 01:14:16.440
so that y'all could keep up with everyone else and all that. All of them are updated. I think,

1065
01:14:16.440 --> 01:14:21.960
except Sundays. I don't, I don't think I have Sundays up yet, so I need to get that hopefully

1066
01:14:21.960 --> 01:14:31.880
done today, but anyway. All right. Well, it's good to see y'all and, and so if y'all, and then I'll,

1067
01:14:31.880 --> 01:14:37.240
Annette, I'll connect with you on a Facebook messenger. Yeah, cool. Okay. Y'all have a good

1068
01:14:37.240 --> 01:14:42.440
night. Yeah, you too. Have a good day. Bye. Bye.