Hey everybody! All right, so I am finally on. Sorry for the delay. I had something
unexpected come up that I needed to take care of, but anyway, so a client had
reached out about this. Yes, I think it was yesterday, and I realized that I've
actually talked to more than one person about this over the past few months, and
I realized I just hadn't really talked about it at all, and it's a very, very
important one, and that's how to make friends in rest, and how to enjoy
our friendships in rest instead of struggling with them or struggling
to make friends, and then just feeling like we're doomed to live
lonely, and this is something that I don't think that I've really
explained to people before, and this is what I mentioned to you to my client,
that I think that it's just a part of my experience in my life that I just
haven't ever vocalized, so I thought that it might be helpful to let
y'all know what my experience has been in making friends, and how I,
the Lord began to teach me how to make and enjoy friendships without
struggling so much, without struggling to make them, without struggling to keep
them, without just struggling and interacting with people. Now, obviously,
the subject is broader than just what I'm going to be talking about today, but
I just thought I would focus on just the making the friends in rest as
opposed to so much of the, well, what do you do, you know, if there's a
conflict and all that, we can talk about that some other time, so just wanted to
start out, I'm hoping that this is gonna be helpful to people, I wanted to just
oh, first of all, this is my room in my parents house, she's
decorated it with a lot of the things that I still have, which is not much, I
don't have a whole lot of things left, in fact, all of it can fit into one closet,
but I left a whole bunch of things with her, and so she decorated
my room with them, because I think she likes to, which is really sweet, I think
that she likes to come in to see my stuff here, which is really, really sweet,
because it's just full of my personality, so anyway, that's where I am, because
you've never seen this background before, you've never seen my room, but
anyway, so let me just tell you just a little, really brief history of me with
friendships. There are, everyone has their thing that they struggle
with believing and trusting God the most in, and for me, it seems to be
relationships. I believe that I have expressed to y'all before that I have
viewed people as a source of tremendous pain, and so I have spent the majority of
my life either expecting them to bring pain, or you know, and fully
throwing myself into trying to seek friendships, despite the expectation of
disappointment, or withdraw myself from society completely, and I eventually got
to the point where in the past several years, I just withdrew completely, and it
got to the point where my family's very, very worried about me, and I was
approached about it multiple times, so just, you know that I was homeschooled,
and then I grew up overseas, and there, and there, I, in being homeschooled, most of
the time, I was completely all by myself. There were just a few years in which I
had maybe one other, sometimes two certain classes. I would have two people
with me, but the majority of time, I was, I was alone. I ended up graduating by
myself with valedictorian, because I'm the only student in the class. That's how
you can guarantee that you graduate valedictorian. My grades were good, but
still, so obviously I had a speech, because I was the, and I had a whole
party all for myself. All these people came just for me. It was, it was fun, but
it was very, very lonely. I spent the majority of my, of my life extremely
lonely. I was the oldest, and everybody always kind of looked up to me. I was, I
was literally sent for some times in certain seasons while living overseas. I
was the oldest person. I was the only oldest kid in the city, because all of
the other kids, once they got to a certain age, they were shipped off to
boarding school in Germany.
I got to, I just came to expect it. I really honestly didn't know life
any different than that, but I did, but it doesn't mean that I wasn't lonely. So
when I went to college, I had been gone for so long. I'd been gone
during all of my formative years, you know, junior high and high school where
you're learning about culture, you're learning about society, you're learning
about how you fit into it, and I did not, and coming back to the States, they'd all
figured it out in high school, and so they knew how to socially interact, and I
didn't. Now growing up overseas, whoever you were around, you just learned to
accept, and you just accepted in the way that they were, and they accepted you the
way that you were, no matter how different that you were, and no matter
how different that they were, and you just all figured out how to get along,
and you all treated each other kindly, and you didn't ever, you didn't
ever, no one was ever bullied, no one was ever teased, no one was ever left out, and
these are, these are kids, like, you know, me and my aunt, those younger than me, we'd
all were extremely inclusive. In fact, it was to the point where the parents would
talk about it, because obviously all the parents had grown up in countries where,
no, I mean, you, you had to, you had to make yourself socially acceptable to
other people in order to be accepted, so I just assumed that coming to the States,
I could just continue to be the way that I was, and, and everything would be fine,
but I discovered that who it is that I was wasn't understood, and wasn't
accepted, and I didn't understand other people either, so I had moved back to the
States as an American, thinking, oh, these are my people, so I've grown up overseas,
knowing that I was always the foreigner, but I thought, oh yeah, but eventually one
day when I get back to the States, everything will make sense. It did not,
and they did not understand me. They thought I was extremely serious, I had a
very big world view, which sounds wonderful, right, and it really is a good
thing, but the, the things that I lived, they would watch about, they would, they
would hear about on the news, they would read in their history books, and I was
living through them, so people thought that the topics that I wanted to talk
about were more serious than the way that they had grown up living life. They
hadn't had those serious types of events that they had lived through, and me on
the other hand, I hadn't had, I hadn't had, um, how would you describe that? Never,
never described that before. I don't want to say like, uh, like as much fun as they
had, but there was a, an element in which I had not had the exposure to
entertainment and, and, and ways in which to express just kind of a, a, I don't know,
a lightheartedness that didn't have to also consider, I don't know, the
seriousness of things that my parents and the other adults around me were
going through, um, because we were, I don't know, you know, sometimes our phones
were tapped, um, they were, I don't know, I guess I could tell you all kinds of wild
stories, um, of the way that the, that the political system would try to come after
us, to try to come after our parents, or whatever was going on, and so the, the
atmosphere in which I grew up was very, very oppressive and very heavy, um, which
is, you know, just kind of the way that it was. So my point is that I did not know
how to, and learn how to, in high school, how to socially interact and engage with
others, and, and I didn't understand them, and they didn't understand me. I did not
understand the perspective and, and view of life. It felt very flippant to me. It
wasn't flippant, understand, but I, it felt like that to me, and to them I felt
too serious, entirely too serious. So it's taken me many, many, many, many years. I've
been back in the States 18 years now. It has taken me, it, it took me probably at
least seven years to adjust back to the United States, where I didn't feel like I
was a foreigner in the United States, and then it took me a total of maybe 11 to
actually feel like I belonged, and feel like I could be socially etched in
situations, but even with all, even all of that being said, it was not, um, and I
understand that that was going through college and through the professional
working environment, and it wasn't until last year that I finally began to heal
in such a way that I could actually benefit from friendships, where I could,
or I understood how to interact with people in a healthy, in a healthy
perspective, from a healthy perspective, and heal.
Here is why and this is this is the point of my story and well and before I
do that just in case it's helpful let me also explain by the way I'm also in a
rocker it's the only sticker furniture that I own so excuse me while I
thoroughly enjoy rocking in it. So just standing still for the camera and that
in just want to mention a few things in college of experiences that I
had to let you know how dire that things got and just in case many of you can
relate and understand and so that you can hear in what it is that I'm saying
that I really do understand the level of pain and loneliness that you might be
feeling and to let and so that you can know that you can be that your situation
can be redeemed and restored just like mine was. In in college I went through a
very major depression which I can talk to you all about it some other time and
went through major you know depression, anxiety, PTSD, used to hyperventilate, all
kinds of stuff you know if I was if I found myself in very highly anxious
and panicky type situations and I withdrew a lot from society and so 75%
of my meals in college I ate alone. The majority of my college experience was
spent alone in isolation and for instance when I was at Pensacola
Christian College and those of you here on that went to PCC you know that at
least when I was there I didn't know about now but when I was there you had
to eat your meals at the cafeteria unless you were gonna eat ramen from a
hot pot or something you had to eat all of your meals in the cafeteria and there
was there were just no other options so three times a day I would go to the
cafeteria that was that was chock full of people and would find a table alone
take up an entire table all by myself and eat and eat by myself and I would
did that for two years then I transferred to another university and
there I did the same thing now there I lived in an apartment on campus so I
either cooked in the kitchen or I got something and I went home but and I was
really glad that I didn't have to like eat in the cafeteria at a table alone
like I had done at PCC but then when I got out I out of college and I was in
the professional working environment I still was having a very difficult time
finding single people to connect with because my married because my friends
were just started getting getting married and then they felt that they
were in a different phase of life and they felt that I couldn't relate to
their life and they couldn't relate to mine they couldn't relate to my the
flexibility of my schedule I they felt that I couldn't relate to their and the
fact that they were struggling through how to handle particular types of
responsibilities like a husband a mortgage children you know you know
buying buying a minivan you know whatever that whatever the case was and
so again I spent the vast majority of my time alone and felt so alone in college
and never felt like I fit in yes yeah I know yeah that's that's the way that I
was then as well now physically yes I was alone a lot and then a lot of times
I wasn't physically alone but yeah emotionally I was and and I and I would
just withdrew and here's why I felt more alone when I was with people than
I was then I was if if I am then I felt when I was by myself and again it's
because of how I viewed myself so I could be more easily triggered if I was
confronted by by being with other people and feeling like I didn't fit in versus
if I was by myself and therefore I wasn't triggered as to seeing how I
didn't fit in and that's what we triggered all of the all of the feelings
of loneliness isolation you know and which which brought on greater and
greater feelings of shame and self-condemnation anyway and so my this
of course went through my my adult years for 15 years yeah yeah 15 years until
last year so the majority of you only know me now the majority of you only
met me since you know within this past year where I have developed a much
healthier perspective of friends where I have come much more into understanding
and accepting and acknowledging the identity that God says that he's given me and that is what
changed everything and that's what it is that I wanted to share with y'all. So it was not until I
was 35 years old, still last year, 35 years old that I finally turned a corner and what helped
me turn the corner was to acknowledge my identity in the Lord and I had to act on it before I
believed it. Again, the whole choosing that it's my reality and then you effortlessly come to
believe it and then you begin to see proof of it. So I did have to choose it. I thought okay,
if I want to believe that God is all of these things that he says that he is, I have to actually
walk it out. If I want it to manifest in my life, if I want to actually walk out on his word,
then I have to choose it to be my reality even if I don't believe it and so that's what it is
that I did and all of a sudden everything changed and I had to come to accept the fact that
I was who God says that I was and I thought okay, if I am who God says that I am, all of
those things that we've talked about and about, you know, I'm righteous, I'm in the spirit,
I know all things, I always believe my father, I always trust my father, I am love, I am goodness
because if he's love and if he's goodness and I'm in him and I actually came out of him and of his
very essence, then I am all of those things. I'm anything that God can say and that God does say
of Christ. I am all of those things. So I thought okay, if I am all of those things, okay, then how
do I act? How do I be? If I truly accept that I am those things, then that type of person or that
person would do these things. They would interact with people in these ways. So I began to do that.
Again, I didn't even believe it. I understand. So in other words, my feelings weren't in it.
My feelings were not supporting my actions. I walked out on the word come.
Remember when Jesus calls Peter out and he just says come?
Everything that Peter needed in order to be sustained in that faith came with the word
come. It was embodied and the word come contained everything it is that Peter needed
to be sustained in walking on the water. So I took the Lord at his word. I stepped out in it.
So, sorry, I have some notes here of some things that I wanted to make sure to not miss.
Understand that what in changing my approach and my perspective based off of the fact that
I chose to believe that I am who God says that I am, I realized that one of the things that I had
to also choose, again, because of who it is that God says that I am,
one of the other things that is embodied in all of that that it therefore also meant
is that my friends could not provide me what it is that I needed. That all sounds good. We all
know it. We can all preach to the crowd and to the choir about that and yet we all have the tendency
to seek friendships based off of what need that we have in our own lives that we desire or hope
that they were going to fulfill. What does that look like practically? Susan, can you remind
what does what look like practically and if you could let me know what you mean by that
and I can answer that for you. But yeah, so the friends cannot provide me what it is that I need.
I had discovered that my friendships for 35 years were unhealthy because I was requiring too much
of other people. I, and this is somebody who acted like a doormat to other people, so I'm
not saying that I was mean, that I was a mean friend, that I would verbally demand things of
them, in that I would be mean to other people if they didn't do things that I wanted them to do,
etc. etc. I was the opposite. I was a doormat, but understand that emotionally the fact that I could
be so easily triggered by something they did or didn't do, that even if I didn't show it to them
and I just kept it inside and I just buried it and I stifled it, that internally I was
was obligating them to fulfill something in my life that that I should not have
required of them. That is entirely too heavy of a burden for them to bear
because they literally can't do it. I'm setting them up, setting them up for
failure. So I'm setting the friendship up for failure. I'm setting them as a person
up for failure in my own mind. There's no way that they can match up to that
including you know and spouses you know you can include spouses in on all of
this that they cannot meet what it is that we put on them what obligations
requirements etc that we put on them. So my relationships and friendships started
to be healthier even relationships with my family by the way started to be
healthier when I when I understood who it was that I am and then I chose very
intentionally that God was going to be my provision in all of those areas. That
he was going to I would have to intentionally choose that if there was
some need that I felt that I had like say for instance something that if I
don't have it well then it results in me feeling lonely. That I had to
intentionally choose even if I didn't believe it even if my feelings
didn't and didn't support it I had to choose that I was going to have him
provide that thing for me. Again I didn't feel it and I didn't believe it. I chose
intentionally from my free will that that in my life I was going to I was
that I was basically I created a reality for myself in which I was determined and
I I declared that he was going to be he was going to be the one that provided
that for me. He was going to be the one that look that I look to for that and he
was going to be the one to give it to me. And then my my friendships changed.
Me being able to make friends, my ability to make friends, the way that I
effortlessly reached out, the way that I effortlessly started making
friends, all of that changed because I could finally enjoy people for who it is
that they were and they know I no longer held them enslaved in my in my
mind and in my intention to providing providing a need for filling and
fulfilling a need of mine providing for me in some way. So I was now free to
enjoy them and they felt free with me. They felt free to be able to be enjoyed
and that I didn't require something of them that they would be that would set
themselves up for failure because no matter what it is that they did or said
I still loved and I still accepted them and it also allowed them to give me
grace as well because I wasn't holding them to anything so it made them free. It
helped them feel free to not expect things of me as well and to give me
grace and to give me freedom to give me patience to give me a room etc. So how
does that person act? The me I guess or or the or the friend and how did they
how do we and how do I act with a friend or how does the friend interact with me
in that situation? I'm sorry if you could clarify I think that I'm seeing your
question a little too late so I'm not sure. Is so not putting expectations on
people? Yes so that is a really big thing oh my word so I learned about the
expectations before I even learned about about how to have healthier
friendships based on me choosing that my identity was was determined by the Lord
and that he was going to provide for everything it is that I needed that I
had previously looked for friends to fulfill. So even before then I had began
to learn that expectations could were the enemy of friendships so to speak
where where if again I would choose that God's going to provide something for me
as opposed to expecting and anticipating and requiring that someone else was
going to do something to me or make me feel a particular way really is all it
was it didn't matter what they did or said or whatever I wanted to feel a
particular way about myself as a result of my interaction with them that's
really what it was that I was seeking particular friendships for but if I
realized and chose that I would receive all of that from the Lord regardless of
how it is that they acted or didn't act or what it is they said or didn't say
or canceled canceled plans or or didn't cancel plans or if they if they talked
to me nicely if they treated me with respect
if they didn't, I could just allow, I could just enjoy them for who it is
that they were because my who it is that I thought about myself was not wrapped
up in what it is that they said or what it is that they did. How do you act
differently? So it all goes back to remember that as far as
acting, it comes out of actually choosing that whatever God says is
true. So if he says that he's my provision and protection, then I'm going
to choose that he's going to be my provision and protection and I'm going
to look to him for that. And if he says that I am who he says that I am,
and I choose that I am who he says that I am, and once we shift
into that, once we choose it, we will then effortlessly act. So we don't have to
worry about trying to act a particular way or and try to implement all these
strategies that different people talk about. There are
different things that people, there's different coaches that you can hire to
teach you how to make friends and be a better friend. Be somebody that is just
kind of has a very charismatic personality and that other people want
to be around and etc. But those again are, it's like taking a business course,
nothing wrong with it, but it's down in the soul. It is looking at what or even
in the body, what is it that I can do in order to get a particular result? And we
want to give up that stranglehold and give up that idea that
we're trying to, that anything that we do or don't do is creating a particular
result. So even our friendships are results that God and how they in and
and the friendships that we have and how our life is impacted and affected by
them and how we impact and affect other people, those are even results that we
leave up to God. So when we're talking about results that God creates in our
lives, we're not just talking about whether or not we have friends, whether
or not we have clients, whether or not we get a house, whether or not we get money,
whether or not we have children, whether or not we get married, I don't know
whatever you want to want to throw at it, those are not the results. It's also you
know how we're affected, how our lives are affected by it, how we're
enriched by it, how we affect them, the influence we have on their life
all of that is still results. Those are things that
God is responsible for and we can choose that he is responsible for it. If we
decide that we want to be responsible for it, God's like fine you can be
responsible for it, but it's a lot harder. You have to work ten times harder to do
it. You have to learn all these tips, tricks, and strategies and implement
all of these formulas and if you decide that you want to control the result, you
want a particular thing, there's all kinds of people, Christians and
non-Christians, that have figured out all the tips, tricks, and strategies that
you need to use to implement to get X result from people, but if we want to
operate out of rest, well then we have to give up that sense of control and we
have to just give up the results to the Lord. Okay Lord, I don't
know how this friendship is going to impact my life. I don't know how
it's gonna enrich me. I don't know how it's gonna make me feel. I don't know
what would you call it. I don't know what kind of an impact that
it's gonna have in my life, but Lord I just leave that all up to you. I
just rest in you. Just listen to the Spirit. Does the Spirit want me to be
friends with this person or not? How does the Lord want me to
interact with this person? Does he want me to spend a lot of time with him? Does
he want me to go... They called and they asked me to go out with them.
Should I go out with them to do this particular thing or not? Should I invite
them over or not? What I mean by act is when you said that I choose it and then
step into it. Oh, what does it look like to move forward once you choose? Well, okay
so very, very good question. You know what it is. Okay, I know what I'm trying
to say, but I'm trying to figure out how to say it in a way that's going to make
sense. I must be overthinking. No, you're not overthinking at all, so don't worry
about that. It's... we're used to
We're, well, okay, let me fit it this way.
We're used to thinking like this.
We're used to thinking too hard,
that what is it that I must do?
How do I do it?
So even when we choose it,
and I say that then we start doing things,
the doing comes out of choosing it.
So it's not like, oh, okay, I'm gonna choose it now.
What do I do because I've chosen it?
It's not that.
It's I choose that that's my reality.
So now that I framed up my world by my words,
now that I have chosen that this is my reality,
this is the world in which I live.
So therefore, what are the laws
of the world in which I've chosen?
I mean, it's, and, okay, and another way to word it,
because I was concerned that
maybe that wouldn't be easily understood.
Another way to think about it is,
um, let's see how, I'm gonna read that.
Um, ah, man, I'm trying to figure out how to say things
so that it doesn't sound, again, like we're having
to come up with tips, tricks, and strategies.
Yes, okay, so talking about the new man,
what it is that we're choosing is we are choosing
that we are who God says that we are,
and if God says that we're the new man,
then we let the new man take over.
So when we choose, what it is that we have to do
is we have to stop resisting.
So, yeah, so that's how I can explain that,
and I don't know if I've ever actually kind of,
oh, I'm really glad you're asking this question
because I don't think that I've ever really connected
for everybody these two things, that there's,
you know, we choose it, and then we believe it,
effortlessly believe it, and then we,
and then we actually see the proof.
I don't think I've ever connected that
with the fact of when we believe that we're trying,
when we're trying really hard to do something,
we're trying to choose, we're trying to believe,
we're trying to do something, even trying to believe,
trying to have faith, trying whatever.
Remember, trying to believe all of those things,
trying to believe, trying to do,
trying to have faith, et cetera,
that means that we are acting as the old man
and not as the new man, not in the new nature.
So, because the old man,
it's not of his nature to believe his father,
so we have to, so all it knows to do
in order to believe is to try,
but the new nature effortlessly believes.
So, what do we do in order to acknowledge the fact
that we're the new nature?
In other words, what do we do in order to choose
that we are who God says that we are
because we are the new nature, right?
So, what do we do to choose?
I'm sorry, I'm trying to draw,
I know that I'm belaboring the fact,
but I'm trying to draw all the connections.
What do we do to choose that we are the new nature
that God says that we are,
which is the person that effortlessly believes,
that always knows what to do,
that acts effortlessly without having to figure it out,
that's what I'm trying to say,
how do we do that?
How do we shift to that place
where everything becomes effortless
and we act without having to figure out
how to act differently?
We automatically act differently.
Again, even before we even believe it,
even before we've seen proof, how do we do that?
And we do that by stopping resisting.
Why?
Because what are we resisting?
We're resisting our new nature.
We're resisting the fact that we're the new man.
So do you see why I mention,
and as already the second, third, and the fourth sessions
in the Rest Intensive series
is specifically about how to practically
shift ourselves into rest in a moment.
How do I shift into rest?
I'm not talking about how to make ourselves feel better.
No, how do I shift into that place of rest?
How do I shift into acknowledging
that I am who God says that I am,
even if I don't believe it yet?
What do I do?
We stop resisting.
That's how we do it.
It's an act of our will.
It's an act of our, it's very, very intentional
to choose to stop resisting who it is that we are.
That's what we're resisting.
So we have to release the idea
that whatever's going on shouldn't be
and it should be something different.
We release that because that's releasing our resistance.
When we release our resistance,
when we release that sense of entitlement
that it should be different than what it is,
we move into rest and we move into acknowledging
that we are the new.
We move into choosing that whatever God says is actually reality, which is this
one. So we shift into choosing that it's our reality. That's what
I'm releasing resistance is. It's shifting into choosing that our reality
is that we are the new man and when we're the new man, the new man
effortlessly believes. He effortlessly believes his
father because it's of his nature to believe his father. The new man can't not
believe his father. The only way that you don't believe your father is if you
think you're not the new man. So if you stop resisting who it
is that you naturally are, you will naturally just be the new man. The new
man knows what actions to take. The new man always listens to his father, listens
to the spirit, and can discern in this spirit what it is that I need to do
in each situation. So-and-so has called me on the phone, invited me to such-and-
such. Do I want to go? Should I go? Or should I stay home because I'm afraid?
You know, because I'm afraid of interacting with other people, etc. Those
shoulds keep getting me. I know. I know. This is normal behavior for
all of us. That's why Paul talks about the fact he's like, why do you keep
acting like the old man? Because we all keep acting like the old man. We think
that's who it is that we are, but we're not. So we need to stop believing,
thinking that we're the old man. You need to stop resisting who it is that we
actually are. Because remember what I talked about, and I don't have that
picture with me, but you know about the spirit, soul, and the body. Remember that
it takes a lot of effort for us to sin. It takes a lot of effort for us to
resist. We're in the habit of doing it, which is why we don't think about the
fact that it's hard to resist. I mean that it's actually hard. We feel that
it's easy. It's because we're in the habit of it, but it's actually not easy.
It's actually very, very hard for us to go to act counter to our nature, but
we're in the habit of thinking of all of these shoulds. I mean how old are all of
we, all of us in the rest intensive? How many, how many years? How many different
events? How many records? You know, how many, how many times have we felt like we
have been affirmed in the lies that we believed about ourselves or about how
God sees us? We were taught according to the tree of knowledge of good and
evil. We were graded in school according to the tree of the knowledge of good and
evil. Smart kids and smart people are rewarded. Knowledge, the tree of the
knowledge of good and evil. Knowledge is rewarded in society. We are taught that
is what we need in order to get ahead. We're taught that's what we need in
order to provide for and protect ourselves. We are taught that that is our
Savior. That if there's something that we're afraid of means we don't know
enough and we need to know more in order to protect ourselves so that we have no
need to be afraid. We're taught that it's our Savior. So we're taught and
we're taught that the only way to get it, to get knowledge, is to seek it out
ourselves and to work hard. So it's ingrained. It's ingrained in our culture.
It's ingrained in our society. It's ingrained in our, you know, our
families, our schools and therefore it's ingrained in us and we did then
teach it to our children. And we put all of our spouses, our peers, our
pastors, all up, and ourselves, all up against that standard of the tree of the
knowledge of good and evil and the shoulds and the shouldn'ts. So whenever you catch
yourself thinking I should do this or I shouldn't do this, stop immediately. In
other words, just just stop internally. Just think, wait a minute, okay that's a
should and shouldn't again. And align yourself back up with what is it that
God says. God says that there's no more shoulds and shouldn'ts. None of my behavior
is required in order to get or get something from God or be
denied it from the Lord. Nothing qualifies or disqualifies me. None of my
behavior qualifies or disqualifies me. So therefore there's no more shoulds and
shouldn'ts because God says that I don't need to know good and evil in order to
be pleasing to him. He just wants, he wants me to be in relationship with him
and if we're in relationship with him for, if we're just in spirit and we're
just discerning things in the spirit, we don't need to know good and evil. All we
need to know is who is good and who is evil.
God and how does he want me to interact in this moment? I don't need to know whether or not it's
good or what is good and evil out there in the world. I just follow my father and I act like my
father. I look like my father. That's all that's important in God who's always good. You know,
we're going to effortlessly do good without trying. Anyway, hopefully that is helpful.
I'm glad that you brought up the question because I've never connected this before.
In fact, I don't know, maybe I should even do a separate teaching just specifically on making
sure that those two things are connected. Let's see here. Okay, getting back to friendships,
remember that the purpose of friendships is bringing, it enables us, it's another way that
enables us to manifest heaven into earth. That's the purpose of friendships. It's not to give us
something that we need. Sure, it's a way in which God's spirit can interact to us through someone
else, absolutely, but the purpose of friendships is to manifest heaven into earth in a specific
way. It's to have fellowship with someone else's spirit through their soul and their body.
We're having fellowship with the spirit and we need to view each other in the fact that we are
one. Oh good, I'm glad it's making sense now. Yay. Like I said, it was such a good question.
I'm glad that you challenged me to draw that connection for everybody.
Then and also our friendships should be effortless because remember we are,
God desires us to understand that we're free. That means that we're free and it doesn't matter
what someone else does or doesn't do and how they interact with us. We're completely, he wants us
to understand that we're free and when we're free we can finally enjoy other people. We don't have
to feel fearful that we're going to be threatened by them. Oh my goodness, what are they going to
say? What are they going to do? What are my parents going to say or do? What's my spouse
going to say or do? What are my friends going to say or do? I don't know, do I want to become
friends with this person because what if I get hurt or should I start dating this person because
oh my goodness, what if I get hurt? We don't have to worry about any of those things because other
people cannot threaten us. Remember what we talked about the other day in spiritual warfare. Other
people cannot threaten us if we acknowledge that our identity is in our spirit because nothing can
attack our spirit. Nothing can threaten our spirit. It can only threaten us if we believe that we are
in the soul or if our identity is in the soul or our identity is in the body.
But if we acknowledge the fact that our identity is in our spirit, nothing can ever, nothing can
ever threaten us. We're just kind of like, whatever. I mean it's like a little mosquito
trying to bite your ankle. You're like, oh my word, what a pipsqueak. It's just no big deal.
So when you are wanting to make friends, say for instance, let's say for instance that
you're going to church or you've got some networking event or whatever and you're
wanting to make friends and you're wondering, okay so how do I do so? How do I do so from a
place of rest? Because if you're anything like me, you had records and history of expecting
disappointment, which is very, very dangerous. We do, and that's probably, we have a separate
teaching about how to not approach things expecting to be disappointed. That's a big one.
But anyway, so let's just put it out there and just say, okay, we need to not expect to be
disappointed. And so how, if we believe that we're about to be in a situation that, or maybe a dinner
party or whatever, we're not everybody, that we don't know everyone, or maybe we do know all of
these people, but we're wanting to like develop the friendships. Whatever it is that we're trying
to do, if we believe that we're about to be in a situation with other people where historically
we have felt nervous. How am I going to be received? Are they going to like me or
they're not like me? Am I going to find a friend? I think, you know, etc, etc.
What is it that we can do to prepare ourselves? You can do what I do.
And I've talked about this before. When was this? Oh, I think this is in the teaching
One with God. I think that it, what was that? Session seven.
Nine, whatever one that was. It's that same thing that and that same practice
that I talked about that I recommended to everyone that I also walked myself
through and that is in order to remind myself of who it is that I am and to
shift into that identity and that's where I have envisioned Jesus and I tell
Jesus that, okay Jesus, I believe I was taken out of you and I believe
that I have been reinserted back into you and I abide in you as you abide in
me and we abide in the Father as the Father abides in us and therefore I am
always about my father's business and I declare that to him as if I was a bride
declaring my vows to my to my groom where God has said those words first. He
initiates, right? He has declared those vows to me. He has declared that that
thing is true. I'm repeating them back to him but I'm repeating them back to
him declaring them not just repeating them like he's like as if he's telling
me what to say and I'm just repeating it back you know just trying to it from
like rote memory. No, he told me how he feels about me and I am telling him back
you know when it when the husband and when the bride and groom you know
exchange vows how they're declaring something to each other so in that
situation for instance you know they always have the groom start and then the
bride and the bride does her vows well when the groom is saying his vows
though and then and then it's not like he's telling her how it is and then
she's just like oh okay if that's how it is well then I'll repeat him back to you
no no they're both making a commitment to each other you know 100% okay the
groom is saying I'm declaring that I'm going to give myself to you in this way
and the bride just happens to repeat the same words that he says but she's just
saying for herself hey look regardless of you and what decisions that you choose
to make I'm declaring to you that this is how from my perspective and from from
what it is that I am committing of myself in the relationship this is how
I'm declaring to you this is how it is and this is how it's going to be. I do
the same thing when I'm talking to Jesus and in this I have it with that kind of
that I stand in my power in the authority that he has given me as one
with him and I declare back to him this is how it is it's like a bride declaring
her vows to her husband very different from me just just you know okay Jesus
you said this so I'm just you know I'm like a little girl in Sunday school and
I'm just repeating the words back to you and you told me this first and okay and
so here you go and this is what you said and and I'm just repeating the words
back to you I'm remember he's he looked at me he came he he came back looked at
me saw I was old enough for love and took me into himself he saw I was old
enough he saw I was old enough to be able to give back to him and to
contribute so I need to stand in that and talk to him in that way so that's
what I do and when I feel like I'm about to be in a situation in which I'm I'm I
I've historically felt intimidated I shift into my identity I remind myself
of who it is that I am and I have to intentionally choose it I can't sit
there and wait and expect for a feeling before or after I make that declaration
I just choose it I choose that this is my reality and I'm gonna frame up my
world so anyway so you shift into rest and then once you know who it is that
you are and once you're shifted into rest once it is that you once that you
come into agreement that you are the new man the new man effortlessly acts
without having without fear without without concern of potential threat from
the situation without expectation and desire in which we're trying to pull
something out of a situation pull something out of someone else I desire
to have this thing out of this relationship I really desire to be
friends with this person because I desired to feel this particular way
whenever I'm around them and I think that if I'm around them I'm going to
feel that particular way it's giving we effortlessly give all of that up when we
shift into to our identity and then we just sense in the spirit who do I who
am I drawn to whom I drawn to interact with who is the spirit wanting me to
engage with and just manifest heaven into earth in the moment don't think
about oh my goodness do I think that they'd be a good friend for me you know
in ten years you know but starting now you know do I think ten years from now
you know we do we'd still be really good friends or do I think that oh well so
and so I probably just be superficial friends with them no no we don't have to
be thinking long-term we don't have to be planning and strategizing you just
move in the spirit
Because you've acknowledged that you are who God says that you are, and He
provides everything it is that you need, so your friendships aren't going to
provide a need for you. God's going to provide that. So what is it, what is it
that we're doing when we're interacting with other people? We're just
interacting with our spirits. Through that friendship, we are manifesting
an aspect of heaven into earth through our spirits and engaging with someone
else, allowing them to see an aspect of the Lord that is unique in
us than they've ever seen in anybody else, and to give ourselves an
opportunity to see what aspect of the Lord that He
desires to reveal to us through someone else. And we can't plan for that. We can't
anticipate that. We can't strategize or formulize for that. We just
effortlessly receive it. We just put ourselves in particular situations and
we just move and act according to the way that the Spirit directs us, because
we're not being driven by any kind of need that we're trying to
fulfill or any way in which we're trying to ensure that we don't get, that our
expectations don't get disappointed. We no longer have expectations of other
people. We enjoy what it is that they offer us of themselves, and we just allow
us to enjoy ourselves, and when we enjoy ourselves and who it is of the Lord that
He is in us, other people will enjoy us more. And so that was the next
thing that I wanted to talk about is how to... we want others to
effortlessly interact with us, to effortlessly draw people to us, attract
people to us like our effortlessly attracting our clients that will
resonate with our Spirit. They encounter our Spirit, engage with our Spirit, and
they're attracted to it based off of who it is that the Lord made them to be.
And what it is that the Lord has been talking to them
about lately, that they hear a similar frequency in the way that we talk or in
just looking at us across the room or whatever, and then we can do the same
thing for them. We're supposed to be effortlessly attracted to each other, not
be constantly trying to size each other up and figure out how we can get what we
want from different people. Oh, I think that so-and-so seems like they're
working the room and that they know what's going on. I want to be friends
with a cool person. I want to be friends with a person that everybody else thinks
is really neat and charismatic because then they'll think well of me, or I
will think better of me if I can get so-and-so to accept me or to value
me or whatever. Well, then I can know that I might actually have a valuable
contribution. No, we're not looking for someone else's approval to
grade us. We can just naturally and effortlessly enjoy other
people, and we need to present ourselves according to who it is that we truly are,
you know, as the new man effortlessly resting in our identity and positioned
in the Lord so that other people have something to actually respond to because
we don't want them to respond to someone that we're making up in the moment that
we're working like this mask. We're working really hard to try to
present to people because however it is that we present ourselves to people is
the way that we're in that they're attracted by is the way that we're going
to keep them. So however we gain that person's friendship is how we keep it,
and so if we work for it, we're gonna have to work to keep it. It's exhausting.
So what we want to do is just need to be who it is that we are and who will
naturally resonate with that effortlessly are the people that we want
to attract into our lives, and then those that it doesn't resonate with,
it very effortlessly lets us and them know that ours is not a relationship
that we that we need to that we have to overcome all of these obstacles in order
to create something that in order to create something that wasn't meant to be.
So when we so often we present ourselves to other people and we don't know
why we are we feel that we are being rejected or or whatever, and we sometimes
don't know why or other times we're being accepted and and we don't know why
we're being we're being accepted. In other words, we don't know what it is that
we're presenting of ourselves to other people.
to kind of like break that down just a little bit. Remember that we have the power to limit how God
shows up in our lives, how God interacts with us. If we say, well God I'm going to work for
myself, I'm going to work for my provision and my protection, well then I want to work
for a wage, I want to work for my results. Then God's like, okay so I understand that you want
to work for your results and you don't want me to express my character and the strength that I am
and the extent of the love and the goodness that I am in which I give free gifts. You don't want a
free gift, you want a wage that equals the amount of effort and energy you've put in. So that's how
I'll show up in your life. So I can't show up in your life as big as I am because you said that
you only want to see the limited aspect of me. So we limit the way that God presents, that God
interacts with us based off of how much or little we say that he is love or goodness.
So if we say, oh God you're only this much love and this much goodness, God's like, okay then
that's how I'll show up in your life. But if he says that he's this much love and this much goodness
and we say, God I believe you that you are this much love and this much goodness, God says, good
therefore I will manifest like that in your life. So we limit how God shows up in our life based off
of the degree to which we believe that he is love and goodness and that he is who he says that he is.
We do the same thing when we interact with other people. So okay look but before I do that let me
let me mention one more thing that will kind of help draw the connection. So say for instance that
God is just shining his light towards us but if we only put up a red filter then all we're ever
going to see from from the light that God is shining to us is red. We're not going to see
that he's also green and blue and yellow and purple. All we're going to see is that he's red.
So we're going to limit what it is that we see of the Lord. We do the same thing when we interact
with other people. When we present ourselves in a particular when we present ourselves
if we present ourselves in the soul or we present ourselves in the body believing that that is how
we're identified as opposed to believing that we are that our identity is in the spirit.
Then what we're simply what we're doing is we are putting up a filter through which we are
shining the light and they're only able to see the at the the limitedness of us that comes through
that filter. So we hold up our our own red filter through which they see they only see red. They
don't see everything it is that we are. They only see that we're red and that's how we how we limit
we limit other people. If we believe that we're that we're identified in according to something
in the in the soul or the body if we believe that we are the soul or the body that we have
to provide for and protect ourselves that and instead of coming into agreement with if we
believe lies about ourselves and we put in in our insecurities and our woundings that is like
holding up a filter through which other people are only seeing a limited aspect of us. But if
we present ourselves in the spirit that we're presenting ourselves to other people without
that filter so they see who it is that we truly are and they they see the actual value and the
contribution that it is that we have and if they do reject us remember what the bible says about
that god that says that they're not rejecting you they're rejecting christ because who are they
seeing if you're operating out of the spirit without any filter without you know without any
limitation because you just you you've come into agreement that you are who god says that you are
and you're presenting that you're then yourself and your true identity which is completely at rest
just operating in the new man just effortlessly interacting with someone else because they no
longer are providing what it is that you need you have determined that god is your provision and now
you're just enjoying them you're going to effortlessly be who who it is that you are
and who it is that you are is christ and so if they don't if there's something that they don't
like they're rejecting christ they're not rejecting you and um so it's so we can't even take it
personally um so hopefully that is um that's helpful um there is um
people often wonder why it feels so hard to make friends it's not hard what's hard is that we
If we come trying to come to come to interact with someone based off of what
it is that within certain expectation that they that we want them to fulfill
something for us that we means and because we are coming to them not
believing that we are who God says that we are then they're going to see that
they're not going to see who it is that we truly are they're going to see
they're going to see us presenting ourselves in the lie that we believe
about ourselves and so what it is that they're rejecting when they're rejecting
that is they're rejecting that lie they're not rejecting who it is that you
truly are they're rejecting the lie that that you believe that you are so we
limit ourselves in our own in our own friendships because we're presenting
ourselves in a way that we're that does not actually accurately represent us so
anyway y'all can let me know if you have any questions I'm sorry that this had to
be broken up into two separate sections we shall see if I just leave it like
this or if I just scrap them and start over so that it can all fit on one video
without my phone dying but anyway hopefully that's helpful I'm sure that
we will have other conversations about how to make friends in rest and and how
to how to keep them how to interact with them and how to grow deeper in our
relationships in friendships and anyway so good to see all of you and I will
talk to you later bye