WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.560 Hey everybody! All right, so I am finally on. Sorry for the delay. I had something 2 00:00:06.560 --> 00:00:11.800 unexpected come up that I needed to take care of, but anyway, so a client had 3 00:00:11.800 --> 00:00:17.160 reached out about this. Yes, I think it was yesterday, and I realized that I've 4 00:00:17.160 --> 00:00:21.320 actually talked to more than one person about this over the past few months, and 5 00:00:21.320 --> 00:00:25.040 I realized I just hadn't really talked about it at all, and it's a very, very 6 00:00:25.040 --> 00:00:31.320 important one, and that's how to make friends in rest, and how to enjoy 7 00:00:31.320 --> 00:00:37.720 our friendships in rest instead of struggling with them or struggling 8 00:00:37.720 --> 00:00:44.000 to make friends, and then just feeling like we're doomed to live 9 00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:51.640 lonely, and this is something that I don't think that I've really 10 00:00:51.640 --> 00:00:54.760 explained to people before, and this is what I mentioned to you to my client, 11 00:00:54.760 --> 00:01:01.800 that I think that it's just a part of my experience in my life that I just 12 00:01:01.800 --> 00:01:06.760 haven't ever vocalized, so I thought that it might be helpful to let 13 00:01:06.760 --> 00:01:13.040 y'all know what my experience has been in making friends, and how I, 14 00:01:13.040 --> 00:01:20.440 the Lord began to teach me how to make and enjoy friendships without 15 00:01:20.480 --> 00:01:24.800 struggling so much, without struggling to make them, without struggling to keep 16 00:01:24.800 --> 00:01:29.800 them, without just struggling and interacting with people. Now, obviously, 17 00:01:29.800 --> 00:01:32.720 the subject is broader than just what I'm going to be talking about today, but 18 00:01:32.720 --> 00:01:37.680 I just thought I would focus on just the making the friends in rest as 19 00:01:37.680 --> 00:01:42.640 opposed to so much of the, well, what do you do, you know, if there's a 20 00:01:42.640 --> 00:01:48.640 conflict and all that, we can talk about that some other time, so just wanted to 21 00:01:48.640 --> 00:01:54.240 start out, I'm hoping that this is gonna be helpful to people, I wanted to just 22 00:01:54.240 --> 00:02:03.960 oh, first of all, this is my room in my parents house, she's 23 00:02:03.960 --> 00:02:08.160 decorated it with a lot of the things that I still have, which is not much, I 24 00:02:08.160 --> 00:02:14.000 don't have a whole lot of things left, in fact, all of it can fit into one closet, 25 00:02:14.000 --> 00:02:18.000 but I left a whole bunch of things with her, and so she decorated 26 00:02:18.000 --> 00:02:21.600 my room with them, because I think she likes to, which is really sweet, I think 27 00:02:21.600 --> 00:02:25.600 that she likes to come in to see my stuff here, which is really, really sweet, 28 00:02:25.600 --> 00:02:30.320 because it's just full of my personality, so anyway, that's where I am, because 29 00:02:30.320 --> 00:02:34.560 you've never seen this background before, you've never seen my room, but 30 00:02:34.560 --> 00:02:42.800 anyway, so let me just tell you just a little, really brief history of me with 31 00:02:42.800 --> 00:02:49.120 friendships. There are, everyone has their thing that they struggle 32 00:02:49.120 --> 00:02:55.200 with believing and trusting God the most in, and for me, it seems to be 33 00:02:55.200 --> 00:02:59.040 relationships. I believe that I have expressed to y'all before that I have 34 00:02:59.040 --> 00:03:07.880 viewed people as a source of tremendous pain, and so I have spent the majority of 35 00:03:07.960 --> 00:03:15.160 my life either expecting them to bring pain, or you know, and fully 36 00:03:15.160 --> 00:03:21.160 throwing myself into trying to seek friendships, despite the expectation of 37 00:03:21.160 --> 00:03:26.960 disappointment, or withdraw myself from society completely, and I eventually got 38 00:03:26.960 --> 00:03:30.840 to the point where in the past several years, I just withdrew completely, and it 39 00:03:30.840 --> 00:03:34.580 got to the point where my family's very, very worried about me, and I was 40 00:03:34.580 --> 00:03:44.100 approached about it multiple times, so just, you know that I was homeschooled, 41 00:03:44.100 --> 00:03:53.700 and then I grew up overseas, and there, and there, I, in being homeschooled, most of 42 00:03:53.700 --> 00:03:58.580 the time, I was completely all by myself. There were just a few years in which I 43 00:03:58.580 --> 00:04:04.780 had maybe one other, sometimes two certain classes. I would have two people 44 00:04:04.780 --> 00:04:09.100 with me, but the majority of time, I was, I was alone. I ended up graduating by 45 00:04:09.100 --> 00:04:15.300 myself with valedictorian, because I'm the only student in the class. That's how 46 00:04:15.300 --> 00:04:19.660 you can guarantee that you graduate valedictorian. My grades were good, but 47 00:04:19.660 --> 00:04:24.860 still, so obviously I had a speech, because I was the, and I had a whole 48 00:04:24.900 --> 00:04:29.820 party all for myself. All these people came just for me. It was, it was fun, but 49 00:04:29.820 --> 00:04:35.540 it was very, very lonely. I spent the majority of my, of my life extremely 50 00:04:35.540 --> 00:04:41.100 lonely. I was the oldest, and everybody always kind of looked up to me. I was, I 51 00:04:41.100 --> 00:04:47.100 was literally sent for some times in certain seasons while living overseas. I 52 00:04:47.100 --> 00:04:52.660 was the oldest person. I was the only oldest kid in the city, because all of 53 00:04:52.660 --> 00:04:55.300 the other kids, once they got to a certain age, they were shipped off to 54 00:04:55.300 --> 00:04:58.620 boarding school in Germany. 55 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:06.440 I got to, I just came to expect it. I really honestly didn't know life 56 00:05:06.440 --> 00:05:11.340 any different than that, but I did, but it doesn't mean that I wasn't lonely. So 57 00:05:11.340 --> 00:05:17.020 when I went to college, I had been gone for so long. I'd been gone 58 00:05:17.020 --> 00:05:22.000 during all of my formative years, you know, junior high and high school where 59 00:05:22.000 --> 00:05:24.840 you're learning about culture, you're learning about society, you're learning 60 00:05:24.840 --> 00:05:29.780 about how you fit into it, and I did not, and coming back to the States, they'd all 61 00:05:29.780 --> 00:05:35.380 figured it out in high school, and so they knew how to socially interact, and I 62 00:05:35.380 --> 00:05:41.900 didn't. Now growing up overseas, whoever you were around, you just learned to 63 00:05:41.900 --> 00:05:45.900 accept, and you just accepted in the way that they were, and they accepted you the 64 00:05:45.900 --> 00:05:50.180 way that you were, no matter how different that you were, and no matter 65 00:05:50.180 --> 00:05:52.900 how different that they were, and you just all figured out how to get along, 66 00:05:52.900 --> 00:06:00.420 and you all treated each other kindly, and you didn't ever, you didn't 67 00:06:00.420 --> 00:06:07.060 ever, no one was ever bullied, no one was ever teased, no one was ever left out, and 68 00:06:07.060 --> 00:06:11.740 these are, these are kids, like, you know, me and my aunt, those younger than me, we'd 69 00:06:11.740 --> 00:06:15.740 all were extremely inclusive. In fact, it was to the point where the parents would 70 00:06:15.740 --> 00:06:18.820 talk about it, because obviously all the parents had grown up in countries where, 71 00:06:18.820 --> 00:06:24.740 no, I mean, you, you had to, you had to make yourself socially acceptable to 72 00:06:24.740 --> 00:06:29.780 other people in order to be accepted, so I just assumed that coming to the States, 73 00:06:29.780 --> 00:06:34.100 I could just continue to be the way that I was, and, and everything would be fine, 74 00:06:34.100 --> 00:06:39.140 but I discovered that who it is that I was wasn't understood, and wasn't 75 00:06:39.140 --> 00:06:43.540 accepted, and I didn't understand other people either, so I had moved back to the 76 00:06:43.540 --> 00:06:48.420 States as an American, thinking, oh, these are my people, so I've grown up overseas, 77 00:06:48.420 --> 00:06:53.580 knowing that I was always the foreigner, but I thought, oh yeah, but eventually one 78 00:06:53.580 --> 00:06:57.060 day when I get back to the States, everything will make sense. It did not, 79 00:06:57.060 --> 00:07:00.500 and they did not understand me. They thought I was extremely serious, I had a 80 00:07:00.500 --> 00:07:03.620 very big world view, which sounds wonderful, right, and it really is a good 81 00:07:03.620 --> 00:07:10.460 thing, but the, the things that I lived, they would watch about, they would, they 82 00:07:10.460 --> 00:07:13.460 would hear about on the news, they would read in their history books, and I was 83 00:07:13.460 --> 00:07:19.180 living through them, so people thought that the topics that I wanted to talk 84 00:07:19.180 --> 00:07:25.220 about were more serious than the way that they had grown up living life. They 85 00:07:25.220 --> 00:07:29.940 hadn't had those serious types of events that they had lived through, and me on 86 00:07:29.940 --> 00:07:35.900 the other hand, I hadn't had, I hadn't had, um, how would you describe that? Never, 87 00:07:35.900 --> 00:07:42.580 never described that before. I don't want to say like, uh, like as much fun as they 88 00:07:42.580 --> 00:07:51.060 had, but there was a, an element in which I had not had the exposure to 89 00:07:51.060 --> 00:08:02.140 entertainment and, and, and ways in which to express just kind of a, a, I don't know, 90 00:08:02.140 --> 00:08:08.260 a lightheartedness that didn't have to also consider, I don't know, the 91 00:08:08.260 --> 00:08:11.580 seriousness of things that my parents and the other adults around me were 92 00:08:11.580 --> 00:08:15.740 going through, um, because we were, I don't know, you know, sometimes our phones 93 00:08:15.740 --> 00:08:20.500 were tapped, um, they were, I don't know, I guess I could tell you all kinds of wild 94 00:08:20.500 --> 00:08:26.260 stories, um, of the way that the, that the political system would try to come after 95 00:08:26.260 --> 00:08:30.020 us, to try to come after our parents, or whatever was going on, and so the, the 96 00:08:30.020 --> 00:08:35.100 atmosphere in which I grew up was very, very oppressive and very heavy, um, which 97 00:08:35.100 --> 00:08:41.559 is, you know, just kind of the way that it was. So my point is that I did not know 98 00:08:41.559 --> 00:08:46.760 how to, and learn how to, in high school, how to socially interact and engage with 99 00:08:46.760 --> 00:08:52.920 others, and, and I didn't understand them, and they didn't understand me. I did not 100 00:08:52.920 --> 00:08:57.760 understand the perspective and, and view of life. It felt very flippant to me. It 101 00:08:57.760 --> 00:09:05.000 wasn't flippant, understand, but I, it felt like that to me, and to them I felt 102 00:09:05.000 --> 00:09:11.360 too serious, entirely too serious. So it's taken me many, many, many, many years. I've 103 00:09:11.360 --> 00:09:16.560 been back in the States 18 years now. It has taken me, it, it took me probably at 104 00:09:16.560 --> 00:09:20.120 least seven years to adjust back to the United States, where I didn't feel like I 105 00:09:20.120 --> 00:09:23.880 was a foreigner in the United States, and then it took me a total of maybe 11 to 106 00:09:23.880 --> 00:09:28.800 actually feel like I belonged, and feel like I could be socially etched in 107 00:09:28.800 --> 00:09:36.960 situations, but even with all, even all of that being said, it was not, um, and I 108 00:09:36.960 --> 00:09:40.360 understand that that was going through college and through the professional 109 00:09:40.360 --> 00:09:47.640 working environment, and it wasn't until last year that I finally began to heal 110 00:09:47.640 --> 00:09:52.480 in such a way that I could actually benefit from friendships, where I could, 111 00:09:52.480 --> 00:09:57.760 or I understood how to interact with people in a healthy, in a healthy 112 00:09:57.760 --> 00:10:01.960 perspective, from a healthy perspective, and heal. 113 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:07.260 Here is why and this is this is the point of my story and well and before I 114 00:10:07.260 --> 00:10:11.640 do that just in case it's helpful let me also explain by the way I'm also in a 115 00:10:11.640 --> 00:10:15.440 rocker it's the only sticker furniture that I own so excuse me while I 116 00:10:15.440 --> 00:10:22.440 thoroughly enjoy rocking in it. So just standing still for the camera and that 117 00:10:22.440 --> 00:10:28.240 in just want to mention a few things in college of experiences that I 118 00:10:28.240 --> 00:10:36.480 had to let you know how dire that things got and just in case many of you can 119 00:10:36.480 --> 00:10:42.840 relate and understand and so that you can hear in what it is that I'm saying 120 00:10:42.840 --> 00:10:51.640 that I really do understand the level of pain and loneliness that you might be 121 00:10:51.640 --> 00:10:58.640 feeling and to let and so that you can know that you can be that your situation 122 00:10:58.640 --> 00:11:06.240 can be redeemed and restored just like mine was. In in college I went through a 123 00:11:06.240 --> 00:11:09.680 very major depression which I can talk to you all about it some other time and 124 00:11:09.680 --> 00:11:16.640 went through major you know depression, anxiety, PTSD, used to hyperventilate, all 125 00:11:16.640 --> 00:11:21.120 kinds of stuff you know if I was if I found myself in very highly anxious 126 00:11:21.120 --> 00:11:29.680 and panicky type situations and I withdrew a lot from society and so 75% 127 00:11:29.680 --> 00:11:36.760 of my meals in college I ate alone. The majority of my college experience was 128 00:11:36.760 --> 00:11:45.280 spent alone in isolation and for instance when I was at Pensacola 129 00:11:45.280 --> 00:11:50.960 Christian College and those of you here on that went to PCC you know that at 130 00:11:50.960 --> 00:11:53.840 least when I was there I didn't know about now but when I was there you had 131 00:11:53.840 --> 00:11:58.120 to eat your meals at the cafeteria unless you were gonna eat ramen from a 132 00:11:58.120 --> 00:12:04.760 hot pot or something you had to eat all of your meals in the cafeteria and there 133 00:12:04.760 --> 00:12:08.920 was there were just no other options so three times a day I would go to the 134 00:12:08.920 --> 00:12:13.640 cafeteria that was that was chock full of people and would find a table alone 135 00:12:13.640 --> 00:12:18.200 take up an entire table all by myself and eat and eat by myself and I would 136 00:12:18.200 --> 00:12:22.280 did that for two years then I transferred to another university and 137 00:12:22.280 --> 00:12:27.320 there I did the same thing now there I lived in an apartment on campus so I 138 00:12:27.320 --> 00:12:32.480 either cooked in the kitchen or I got something and I went home but and I was 139 00:12:32.480 --> 00:12:36.720 really glad that I didn't have to like eat in the cafeteria at a table alone 140 00:12:36.720 --> 00:12:45.080 like I had done at PCC but then when I got out I out of college and I was in 141 00:12:45.080 --> 00:12:47.600 the professional working environment I still was having a very difficult time 142 00:12:47.840 --> 00:12:52.320 finding single people to connect with because my married because my friends 143 00:12:52.320 --> 00:12:56.480 were just started getting getting married and then they felt that they 144 00:12:56.480 --> 00:12:58.960 were in a different phase of life and they felt that I couldn't relate to 145 00:12:58.960 --> 00:13:02.600 their life and they couldn't relate to mine they couldn't relate to my the 146 00:13:02.600 --> 00:13:08.480 flexibility of my schedule I they felt that I couldn't relate to their and the 147 00:13:08.480 --> 00:13:11.080 fact that they were struggling through how to handle particular types of 148 00:13:11.080 --> 00:13:16.000 responsibilities like a husband a mortgage children you know you know 149 00:13:16.000 --> 00:13:20.520 buying buying a minivan you know whatever that whatever the case was and 150 00:13:20.520 --> 00:13:28.120 so again I spent the vast majority of my time alone and felt so alone in college 151 00:13:28.120 --> 00:13:32.800 and never felt like I fit in yes yeah I know yeah that's that's the way that I 152 00:13:32.800 --> 00:13:37.360 was then as well now physically yes I was alone a lot and then a lot of times 153 00:13:37.360 --> 00:13:43.080 I wasn't physically alone but yeah emotionally I was and and I and I would 154 00:13:43.080 --> 00:13:47.360 just withdrew and here's why I felt more alone when I was with people than 155 00:13:47.360 --> 00:13:53.760 I was then I was if if I am then I felt when I was by myself and again it's 156 00:13:53.760 --> 00:13:58.840 because of how I viewed myself so I could be more easily triggered if I was 157 00:13:58.840 --> 00:14:06.320 confronted by by being with other people and feeling like I didn't fit in versus 158 00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:11.000 if I was by myself and therefore I wasn't triggered as to seeing how I 159 00:14:11.040 --> 00:14:14.600 didn't fit in and that's what we triggered all of the all of the feelings 160 00:14:14.600 --> 00:14:22.520 of loneliness isolation you know and which which brought on greater and 161 00:14:22.520 --> 00:14:30.320 greater feelings of shame and self-condemnation anyway and so my this 162 00:14:30.320 --> 00:14:39.080 of course went through my my adult years for 15 years yeah yeah 15 years until 163 00:14:39.080 --> 00:14:46.560 last year so the majority of you only know me now the majority of you only 164 00:14:46.560 --> 00:14:53.160 met me since you know within this past year where I have developed a much 165 00:14:53.160 --> 00:15:00.000 healthier perspective of friends where I have come much more into understanding 166 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:06.080 and accepting and acknowledging the identity that God says that he's given me and that is what 167 00:15:06.080 --> 00:15:14.480 changed everything and that's what it is that I wanted to share with y'all. So it was not until I 168 00:15:14.480 --> 00:15:24.320 was 35 years old, still last year, 35 years old that I finally turned a corner and what helped 169 00:15:24.320 --> 00:15:30.960 me turn the corner was to acknowledge my identity in the Lord and I had to act on it before I 170 00:15:30.960 --> 00:15:37.760 believed it. Again, the whole choosing that it's my reality and then you effortlessly come to 171 00:15:37.760 --> 00:15:42.720 believe it and then you begin to see proof of it. So I did have to choose it. I thought okay, 172 00:15:42.720 --> 00:15:47.360 if I want to believe that God is all of these things that he says that he is, I have to actually 173 00:15:47.360 --> 00:15:58.320 walk it out. If I want it to manifest in my life, if I want to actually walk out on his word, 174 00:15:59.200 --> 00:16:05.360 then I have to choose it to be my reality even if I don't believe it and so that's what it is 175 00:16:05.360 --> 00:16:12.800 that I did and all of a sudden everything changed and I had to come to accept the fact that 176 00:16:13.360 --> 00:16:19.680 I was who God says that I was and I thought okay, if I am who God says that I am, all of 177 00:16:19.680 --> 00:16:28.000 those things that we've talked about and about, you know, I'm righteous, I'm in the spirit, 178 00:16:28.000 --> 00:16:34.160 I know all things, I always believe my father, I always trust my father, I am love, I am goodness 179 00:16:34.160 --> 00:16:39.280 because if he's love and if he's goodness and I'm in him and I actually came out of him and of his 180 00:16:39.280 --> 00:16:46.800 very essence, then I am all of those things. I'm anything that God can say and that God does say 181 00:16:46.800 --> 00:16:53.440 of Christ. I am all of those things. So I thought okay, if I am all of those things, okay, then how 182 00:16:53.440 --> 00:17:00.480 do I act? How do I be? If I truly accept that I am those things, then that type of person or that 183 00:17:00.480 --> 00:17:05.839 person would do these things. They would interact with people in these ways. So I began to do that. 184 00:17:05.920 --> 00:17:12.720 Again, I didn't even believe it. I understand. So in other words, my feelings weren't in it. 185 00:17:12.720 --> 00:17:20.400 My feelings were not supporting my actions. I walked out on the word come. 186 00:17:21.359 --> 00:17:24.400 Remember when Jesus calls Peter out and he just says come? 187 00:17:26.240 --> 00:17:34.480 Everything that Peter needed in order to be sustained in that faith came with the word 188 00:17:34.480 --> 00:17:40.880 come. It was embodied and the word come contained everything it is that Peter needed 189 00:17:40.880 --> 00:17:47.440 to be sustained in walking on the water. So I took the Lord at his word. I stepped out in it. 190 00:17:49.120 --> 00:17:57.760 So, sorry, I have some notes here of some things that I wanted to make sure to not miss. 191 00:17:58.560 --> 00:18:07.920 Understand that what in changing my approach and my perspective based off of the fact that 192 00:18:08.880 --> 00:18:16.480 I chose to believe that I am who God says that I am, I realized that one of the things that I had 193 00:18:16.480 --> 00:18:25.360 to also choose, again, because of who it is that God says that I am, 194 00:18:25.520 --> 00:18:34.240 one of the other things that is embodied in all of that that it therefore also meant 195 00:18:34.240 --> 00:18:39.360 is that my friends could not provide me what it is that I needed. That all sounds good. We all 196 00:18:39.360 --> 00:18:45.760 know it. We can all preach to the crowd and to the choir about that and yet we all have the tendency 197 00:18:45.760 --> 00:18:54.000 to seek friendships based off of what need that we have in our own lives that we desire or hope 198 00:18:54.000 --> 00:18:59.920 that they were going to fulfill. What does that look like practically? Susan, can you remind 199 00:19:00.720 --> 00:19:05.680 what does what look like practically and if you could let me know what you mean by that 200 00:19:05.680 --> 00:19:13.200 and I can answer that for you. But yeah, so the friends cannot provide me what it is that I need. 201 00:19:13.200 --> 00:19:23.440 I had discovered that my friendships for 35 years were unhealthy because I was requiring too much 202 00:19:24.000 --> 00:19:31.840 of other people. I, and this is somebody who acted like a doormat to other people, so I'm 203 00:19:31.840 --> 00:19:37.200 not saying that I was mean, that I was a mean friend, that I would verbally demand things of 204 00:19:37.200 --> 00:19:41.680 them, in that I would be mean to other people if they didn't do things that I wanted them to do, 205 00:19:41.680 --> 00:19:48.480 etc. etc. I was the opposite. I was a doormat, but understand that emotionally the fact that I could 206 00:19:48.480 --> 00:19:54.160 be so easily triggered by something they did or didn't do, that even if I didn't show it to them 207 00:19:54.160 --> 00:19:59.920 and I just kept it inside and I just buried it and I stifled it, that internally I was 208 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.960 was obligating them to fulfill something in my life that that I should not have 209 00:20:05.960 --> 00:20:09.600 required of them. That is entirely too heavy of a burden for them to bear 210 00:20:09.600 --> 00:20:14.940 because they literally can't do it. I'm setting them up, setting them up for 211 00:20:14.940 --> 00:20:19.960 failure. So I'm setting the friendship up for failure. I'm setting them as a person 212 00:20:19.960 --> 00:20:25.920 up for failure in my own mind. There's no way that they can match up to that 213 00:20:25.920 --> 00:20:29.780 including you know and spouses you know you can include spouses in on all of 214 00:20:29.780 --> 00:20:35.980 this that they cannot meet what it is that we put on them what obligations 215 00:20:35.980 --> 00:20:42.020 requirements etc that we put on them. So my relationships and friendships started 216 00:20:42.020 --> 00:20:45.700 to be healthier even relationships with my family by the way started to be 217 00:20:45.700 --> 00:20:53.700 healthier when I when I understood who it was that I am and then I chose very 218 00:20:53.700 --> 00:20:58.180 intentionally that God was going to be my provision in all of those areas. That 219 00:20:58.180 --> 00:21:02.060 he was going to I would have to intentionally choose that if there was 220 00:21:02.060 --> 00:21:05.300 some need that I felt that I had like say for instance something that if I 221 00:21:05.300 --> 00:21:11.020 don't have it well then it results in me feeling lonely. That I had to 222 00:21:11.020 --> 00:21:15.180 intentionally choose even if I didn't believe it even if my feelings 223 00:21:15.180 --> 00:21:19.260 didn't and didn't support it I had to choose that I was going to have him 224 00:21:19.260 --> 00:21:26.460 provide that thing for me. Again I didn't feel it and I didn't believe it. I chose 225 00:21:26.460 --> 00:21:34.260 intentionally from my free will that that in my life I was going to I was 226 00:21:34.260 --> 00:21:41.860 that I was basically I created a reality for myself in which I was determined and 227 00:21:41.860 --> 00:21:46.540 I I declared that he was going to be he was going to be the one that provided 228 00:21:46.540 --> 00:21:49.620 that for me. He was going to be the one that look that I look to for that and he 229 00:21:49.620 --> 00:21:56.980 was going to be the one to give it to me. And then my my friendships changed. 230 00:21:56.980 --> 00:22:03.060 Me being able to make friends, my ability to make friends, the way that I 231 00:22:03.060 --> 00:22:06.660 effortlessly reached out, the way that I effortlessly started making 232 00:22:06.660 --> 00:22:13.500 friends, all of that changed because I could finally enjoy people for who it is 233 00:22:13.500 --> 00:22:21.660 that they were and they know I no longer held them enslaved in my in my 234 00:22:21.660 --> 00:22:27.420 mind and in my intention to providing providing a need for filling and 235 00:22:27.420 --> 00:22:33.740 fulfilling a need of mine providing for me in some way. So I was now free to 236 00:22:33.740 --> 00:22:40.260 enjoy them and they felt free with me. They felt free to be able to be enjoyed 237 00:22:40.260 --> 00:22:44.060 and that I didn't require something of them that they would be that would set 238 00:22:44.060 --> 00:22:47.940 themselves up for failure because no matter what it is that they did or said 239 00:22:47.940 --> 00:22:56.100 I still loved and I still accepted them and it also allowed them to give me 240 00:22:56.100 --> 00:23:03.260 grace as well because I wasn't holding them to anything so it made them free. It 241 00:23:03.260 --> 00:23:09.060 helped them feel free to not expect things of me as well and to give me 242 00:23:09.060 --> 00:23:14.940 grace and to give me freedom to give me patience to give me a room etc. So how 243 00:23:14.940 --> 00:23:22.820 does that person act? The me I guess or or the or the friend and how did they 244 00:23:22.820 --> 00:23:27.140 how do we and how do I act with a friend or how does the friend interact with me 245 00:23:27.140 --> 00:23:32.260 in that situation? I'm sorry if you could clarify I think that I'm seeing your 246 00:23:32.260 --> 00:23:36.140 question a little too late so I'm not sure. Is so not putting expectations on 247 00:23:36.140 --> 00:23:40.500 people? Yes so that is a really big thing oh my word so I learned about the 248 00:23:40.500 --> 00:23:46.940 expectations before I even learned about about how to have healthier 249 00:23:46.940 --> 00:23:54.100 friendships based on me choosing that my identity was was determined by the Lord 250 00:23:54.100 --> 00:23:58.140 and that he was going to provide for everything it is that I needed that I 251 00:23:58.140 --> 00:24:02.940 had previously looked for friends to fulfill. So even before then I had began 252 00:24:02.940 --> 00:24:11.300 to learn that expectations could were the enemy of friendships so to speak 253 00:24:11.300 --> 00:24:20.360 where where if again I would choose that God's going to provide something for me 254 00:24:20.360 --> 00:24:26.220 as opposed to expecting and anticipating and requiring that someone else was 255 00:24:26.220 --> 00:24:31.580 going to do something to me or make me feel a particular way really is all it 256 00:24:31.580 --> 00:24:34.860 was it didn't matter what they did or said or whatever I wanted to feel a 257 00:24:34.860 --> 00:24:39.380 particular way about myself as a result of my interaction with them that's 258 00:24:39.380 --> 00:24:44.380 really what it was that I was seeking particular friendships for but if I 259 00:24:44.380 --> 00:24:48.500 realized and chose that I would receive all of that from the Lord regardless of 260 00:24:48.500 --> 00:24:51.820 how it is that they acted or didn't act or what it is they said or didn't say 261 00:24:51.820 --> 00:24:58.140 or canceled canceled plans or or didn't cancel plans or if they if they talked 262 00:24:58.140 --> 00:25:01.740 to me nicely if they treated me with respect 263 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:05.160 if they didn't, I could just allow, I could just enjoy them for who it is 264 00:25:05.160 --> 00:25:10.540 that they were because my who it is that I thought about myself was not wrapped 265 00:25:10.540 --> 00:25:15.200 up in what it is that they said or what it is that they did. How do you act 266 00:25:15.200 --> 00:25:26.040 differently? So it all goes back to remember that as far as 267 00:25:26.040 --> 00:25:32.520 acting, it comes out of actually choosing that whatever God says is 268 00:25:32.520 --> 00:25:36.320 true. So if he says that he's my provision and protection, then I'm going 269 00:25:36.320 --> 00:25:39.360 to choose that he's going to be my provision and protection and I'm going 270 00:25:39.360 --> 00:25:43.200 to look to him for that. And if he says that I am who he says that I am, 271 00:25:43.200 --> 00:25:49.080 and I choose that I am who he says that I am, and once we shift 272 00:25:49.080 --> 00:25:55.040 into that, once we choose it, we will then effortlessly act. So we don't have to 273 00:25:55.040 --> 00:26:01.640 worry about trying to act a particular way or and try to implement all these 274 00:26:01.640 --> 00:26:06.320 strategies that different people talk about. There are 275 00:26:06.320 --> 00:26:11.440 different things that people, there's different coaches that you can hire to 276 00:26:11.440 --> 00:26:17.680 teach you how to make friends and be a better friend. Be somebody that is just 277 00:26:17.680 --> 00:26:20.600 kind of has a very charismatic personality and that other people want 278 00:26:20.600 --> 00:26:26.040 to be around and etc. But those again are, it's like taking a business course, 279 00:26:26.040 --> 00:26:34.360 nothing wrong with it, but it's down in the soul. It is looking at what or even 280 00:26:34.360 --> 00:26:41.200 in the body, what is it that I can do in order to get a particular result? And we 281 00:26:41.200 --> 00:26:49.640 want to give up that stranglehold and give up that idea that 282 00:26:49.640 --> 00:26:53.680 we're trying to, that anything that we do or don't do is creating a particular 283 00:26:53.680 --> 00:27:01.840 result. So even our friendships are results that God and how they in and 284 00:27:01.840 --> 00:27:11.600 and the friendships that we have and how our life is impacted and affected by 285 00:27:11.600 --> 00:27:18.080 them and how we impact and affect other people, those are even results that we 286 00:27:18.080 --> 00:27:22.040 leave up to God. So when we're talking about results that God creates in our 287 00:27:22.040 --> 00:27:25.160 lives, we're not just talking about whether or not we have friends, whether 288 00:27:25.160 --> 00:27:29.280 or not we have clients, whether or not we get a house, whether or not we get money, 289 00:27:29.280 --> 00:27:33.760 whether or not we have children, whether or not we get married, I don't know 290 00:27:33.760 --> 00:27:38.080 whatever you want to want to throw at it, those are not the results. It's also you 291 00:27:38.080 --> 00:27:43.760 know how we're affected, how our lives are affected by it, how we're 292 00:27:43.760 --> 00:27:47.480 enriched by it, how we affect them, the influence we have on their life 293 00:27:48.000 --> 00:27:53.840 all of that is still results. Those are things that 294 00:27:53.840 --> 00:27:58.000 God is responsible for and we can choose that he is responsible for it. If we 295 00:27:58.000 --> 00:28:01.920 decide that we want to be responsible for it, God's like fine you can be 296 00:28:01.920 --> 00:28:05.720 responsible for it, but it's a lot harder. You have to work ten times harder to do 297 00:28:05.720 --> 00:28:09.200 it. You have to learn all these tips, tricks, and strategies and implement 298 00:28:09.200 --> 00:28:14.720 all of these formulas and if you decide that you want to control the result, you 299 00:28:14.760 --> 00:28:18.400 want a particular thing, there's all kinds of people, Christians and 300 00:28:18.400 --> 00:28:23.080 non-Christians, that have figured out all the tips, tricks, and strategies that 301 00:28:23.080 --> 00:28:30.360 you need to use to implement to get X result from people, but if we want to 302 00:28:30.360 --> 00:28:35.440 operate out of rest, well then we have to give up that sense of control and we 303 00:28:35.440 --> 00:28:40.120 have to just give up the results to the Lord. Okay Lord, I don't 304 00:28:40.120 --> 00:28:44.600 know how this friendship is going to impact my life. I don't know how 305 00:28:44.600 --> 00:28:48.640 it's gonna enrich me. I don't know how it's gonna make me feel. I don't know 306 00:28:48.640 --> 00:28:58.200 what would you call it. I don't know what kind of an impact that 307 00:28:58.200 --> 00:29:04.400 it's gonna have in my life, but Lord I just leave that all up to you. I 308 00:29:04.400 --> 00:29:08.200 just rest in you. Just listen to the Spirit. Does the Spirit want me to be 309 00:29:08.200 --> 00:29:11.560 friends with this person or not? How does the Lord want me to 310 00:29:11.560 --> 00:29:14.400 interact with this person? Does he want me to spend a lot of time with him? Does 311 00:29:14.400 --> 00:29:17.560 he want me to go... They called and they asked me to go out with them. 312 00:29:17.560 --> 00:29:22.640 Should I go out with them to do this particular thing or not? Should I invite 313 00:29:22.640 --> 00:29:29.080 them over or not? What I mean by act is when you said that I choose it and then 314 00:29:29.080 --> 00:29:33.560 step into it. Oh, what does it look like to move forward once you choose? Well, okay 315 00:29:33.560 --> 00:29:44.720 so very, very good question. You know what it is. Okay, I know what I'm trying 316 00:29:44.720 --> 00:29:49.160 to say, but I'm trying to figure out how to say it in a way that's going to make 317 00:29:49.160 --> 00:29:56.160 sense. I must be overthinking. No, you're not overthinking at all, so don't worry 318 00:29:56.160 --> 00:30:02.120 about that. It's... we're used to 319 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.200 We're, well, okay, let me fit it this way. 320 00:30:04.200 --> 00:30:05.640 We're used to thinking like this. 321 00:30:05.640 --> 00:30:09.080 We're used to thinking too hard, 322 00:30:09.080 --> 00:30:11.040 that what is it that I must do? 323 00:30:11.040 --> 00:30:12.000 How do I do it? 324 00:30:12.000 --> 00:30:14.600 So even when we choose it, 325 00:30:14.600 --> 00:30:17.760 and I say that then we start doing things, 326 00:30:17.760 --> 00:30:20.360 the doing comes out of choosing it. 327 00:30:20.360 --> 00:30:23.200 So it's not like, oh, okay, I'm gonna choose it now. 328 00:30:23.200 --> 00:30:25.440 What do I do because I've chosen it? 329 00:30:25.440 --> 00:30:26.640 It's not that. 330 00:30:26.640 --> 00:30:29.260 It's I choose that that's my reality. 331 00:30:29.260 --> 00:30:32.480 So now that I framed up my world by my words, 332 00:30:32.480 --> 00:30:35.980 now that I have chosen that this is my reality, 333 00:30:35.980 --> 00:30:37.620 this is the world in which I live. 334 00:30:37.620 --> 00:30:39.820 So therefore, what are the laws 335 00:30:39.820 --> 00:30:41.520 of the world in which I've chosen? 336 00:30:42.920 --> 00:30:47.920 I mean, it's, and, okay, and another way to word it, 337 00:30:47.940 --> 00:30:49.700 because I was concerned that 338 00:30:49.700 --> 00:30:52.820 maybe that wouldn't be easily understood. 339 00:30:54.100 --> 00:30:57.380 Another way to think about it is, 340 00:30:57.380 --> 00:31:01.560 um, let's see how, I'm gonna read that. 341 00:31:01.560 --> 00:31:06.560 Um, ah, man, I'm trying to figure out how to say things 342 00:31:09.780 --> 00:31:13.780 so that it doesn't sound, again, like we're having 343 00:31:13.780 --> 00:31:17.620 to come up with tips, tricks, and strategies. 344 00:31:17.620 --> 00:31:21.300 Yes, okay, so talking about the new man, 345 00:31:21.300 --> 00:31:24.500 what it is that we're choosing is we are choosing 346 00:31:24.500 --> 00:31:26.660 that we are who God says that we are, 347 00:31:26.740 --> 00:31:28.260 and if God says that we're the new man, 348 00:31:28.260 --> 00:31:30.660 then we let the new man take over. 349 00:31:30.660 --> 00:31:33.180 So when we choose, what it is that we have to do 350 00:31:33.180 --> 00:31:34.780 is we have to stop resisting. 351 00:31:36.500 --> 00:31:40.740 So, yeah, so that's how I can explain that, 352 00:31:40.740 --> 00:31:43.580 and I don't know if I've ever actually kind of, 353 00:31:43.580 --> 00:31:45.220 oh, I'm really glad you're asking this question 354 00:31:45.220 --> 00:31:47.580 because I don't think that I've ever really connected 355 00:31:47.580 --> 00:31:51.660 for everybody these two things, that there's, 356 00:31:51.660 --> 00:31:54.060 you know, we choose it, and then we believe it, 357 00:31:54.060 --> 00:31:56.400 effortlessly believe it, and then we, 358 00:31:57.080 --> 00:31:58.080 and then we actually see the proof. 359 00:31:58.080 --> 00:31:59.960 I don't think I've ever connected that 360 00:31:59.960 --> 00:32:03.800 with the fact of when we believe that we're trying, 361 00:32:03.800 --> 00:32:06.120 when we're trying really hard to do something, 362 00:32:06.120 --> 00:32:09.040 we're trying to choose, we're trying to believe, 363 00:32:09.040 --> 00:32:12.040 we're trying to do something, even trying to believe, 364 00:32:12.040 --> 00:32:14.300 trying to have faith, trying whatever. 365 00:32:14.300 --> 00:32:16.620 Remember, trying to believe all of those things, 366 00:32:16.620 --> 00:32:17.960 trying to believe, trying to do, 367 00:32:17.960 --> 00:32:20.240 trying to have faith, et cetera, 368 00:32:20.240 --> 00:32:24.140 that means that we are acting as the old man 369 00:32:24.140 --> 00:32:28.040 and not as the new man, not in the new nature. 370 00:32:28.900 --> 00:32:31.060 So, because the old man, 371 00:32:31.060 --> 00:32:33.480 it's not of his nature to believe his father, 372 00:32:34.300 --> 00:32:36.540 so we have to, so all it knows to do 373 00:32:36.540 --> 00:32:39.500 in order to believe is to try, 374 00:32:39.500 --> 00:32:43.540 but the new nature effortlessly believes. 375 00:32:43.540 --> 00:32:46.980 So, what do we do in order to acknowledge the fact 376 00:32:46.980 --> 00:32:48.100 that we're the new nature? 377 00:32:48.100 --> 00:32:52.940 In other words, what do we do in order to choose 378 00:32:52.940 --> 00:32:54.700 that we are who God says that we are 379 00:32:54.700 --> 00:32:56.620 because we are the new nature, right? 380 00:32:56.620 --> 00:32:58.060 So, what do we do to choose? 381 00:32:58.060 --> 00:32:59.100 I'm sorry, I'm trying to draw, 382 00:32:59.100 --> 00:33:00.580 I know that I'm belaboring the fact, 383 00:33:00.580 --> 00:33:02.620 but I'm trying to draw all the connections. 384 00:33:02.620 --> 00:33:05.860 What do we do to choose that we are the new nature 385 00:33:05.860 --> 00:33:07.260 that God says that we are, 386 00:33:07.260 --> 00:33:09.660 which is the person that effortlessly believes, 387 00:33:09.660 --> 00:33:11.580 that always knows what to do, 388 00:33:11.580 --> 00:33:16.180 that acts effortlessly without having to figure it out, 389 00:33:16.180 --> 00:33:18.300 that's what I'm trying to say, 390 00:33:18.300 --> 00:33:19.600 how do we do that? 391 00:33:19.600 --> 00:33:21.660 How do we shift to that place 392 00:33:21.660 --> 00:33:23.500 where everything becomes effortless 393 00:33:23.500 --> 00:33:28.540 and we act without having to figure out 394 00:33:28.540 --> 00:33:30.740 how to act differently? 395 00:33:30.740 --> 00:33:33.160 We automatically act differently. 396 00:33:34.220 --> 00:33:36.260 Again, even before we even believe it, 397 00:33:36.260 --> 00:33:38.340 even before we've seen proof, how do we do that? 398 00:33:38.340 --> 00:33:40.740 And we do that by stopping resisting. 399 00:33:42.540 --> 00:33:43.380 Why? 400 00:33:43.380 --> 00:33:44.260 Because what are we resisting? 401 00:33:44.260 --> 00:33:46.300 We're resisting our new nature. 402 00:33:46.300 --> 00:33:48.940 We're resisting the fact that we're the new man. 403 00:33:48.940 --> 00:33:53.620 So do you see why I mention, 404 00:33:53.620 --> 00:33:57.140 and as already the second, third, and the fourth sessions 405 00:33:57.140 --> 00:34:00.140 in the Rest Intensive series 406 00:34:00.140 --> 00:34:03.740 is specifically about how to practically 407 00:34:03.740 --> 00:34:07.400 shift ourselves into rest in a moment. 408 00:34:07.400 --> 00:34:08.679 How do I shift into rest? 409 00:34:08.679 --> 00:34:11.060 I'm not talking about how to make ourselves feel better. 410 00:34:11.060 --> 00:34:13.219 No, how do I shift into that place of rest? 411 00:34:13.219 --> 00:34:15.219 How do I shift into acknowledging 412 00:34:15.219 --> 00:34:16.659 that I am who God says that I am, 413 00:34:16.659 --> 00:34:18.380 even if I don't believe it yet? 414 00:34:18.380 --> 00:34:19.500 What do I do? 415 00:34:19.500 --> 00:34:21.239 We stop resisting. 416 00:34:21.239 --> 00:34:23.100 That's how we do it. 417 00:34:23.100 --> 00:34:25.020 It's an act of our will. 418 00:34:25.020 --> 00:34:29.679 It's an act of our, it's very, very intentional 419 00:34:29.679 --> 00:34:34.500 to choose to stop resisting who it is that we are. 420 00:34:34.500 --> 00:34:36.940 That's what we're resisting. 421 00:34:36.940 --> 00:34:39.820 So we have to release the idea 422 00:34:39.820 --> 00:34:41.380 that whatever's going on shouldn't be 423 00:34:41.380 --> 00:34:43.540 and it should be something different. 424 00:34:43.540 --> 00:34:47.940 We release that because that's releasing our resistance. 425 00:34:48.380 --> 00:34:50.100 When we release our resistance, 426 00:34:50.100 --> 00:34:51.860 when we release that sense of entitlement 427 00:34:51.860 --> 00:34:53.860 that it should be different than what it is, 428 00:34:53.860 --> 00:34:58.860 we move into rest and we move into acknowledging 429 00:34:59.260 --> 00:35:00.260 that we are the new. 430 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:07.920 We move into choosing that whatever God says is actually reality, which is this 431 00:35:07.920 --> 00:35:12.440 one. So we shift into choosing that it's our reality. That's what 432 00:35:12.440 --> 00:35:18.760 I'm releasing resistance is. It's shifting into choosing that our reality 433 00:35:18.760 --> 00:35:21.560 is that we are the new man and when we're the new man, the new man 434 00:35:21.560 --> 00:35:25.400 effortlessly believes. He effortlessly believes his 435 00:35:25.400 --> 00:35:29.080 father because it's of his nature to believe his father. The new man can't not 436 00:35:29.080 --> 00:35:34.840 believe his father. The only way that you don't believe your father is if you 437 00:35:34.840 --> 00:35:41.200 think you're not the new man. So if you stop resisting who it 438 00:35:41.200 --> 00:35:45.200 is that you naturally are, you will naturally just be the new man. The new 439 00:35:45.200 --> 00:35:50.240 man knows what actions to take. The new man always listens to his father, listens 440 00:35:50.240 --> 00:35:55.000 to the spirit, and can discern in this spirit what it is that I need to do 441 00:35:55.000 --> 00:35:59.040 in each situation. So-and-so has called me on the phone, invited me to such-and- 442 00:35:59.040 --> 00:36:03.600 such. Do I want to go? Should I go? Or should I stay home because I'm afraid? 443 00:36:03.600 --> 00:36:07.840 You know, because I'm afraid of interacting with other people, etc. Those 444 00:36:07.840 --> 00:36:15.920 shoulds keep getting me. I know. I know. This is normal behavior for 445 00:36:15.920 --> 00:36:20.240 all of us. That's why Paul talks about the fact he's like, why do you keep 446 00:36:20.240 --> 00:36:25.200 acting like the old man? Because we all keep acting like the old man. We think 447 00:36:25.200 --> 00:36:30.720 that's who it is that we are, but we're not. So we need to stop believing, 448 00:36:30.720 --> 00:36:34.280 thinking that we're the old man. You need to stop resisting who it is that we 449 00:36:34.280 --> 00:36:38.400 actually are. Because remember what I talked about, and I don't have that 450 00:36:38.400 --> 00:36:43.160 picture with me, but you know about the spirit, soul, and the body. Remember that 451 00:36:43.160 --> 00:36:48.680 it takes a lot of effort for us to sin. It takes a lot of effort for us to 452 00:36:48.680 --> 00:36:52.800 resist. We're in the habit of doing it, which is why we don't think about the 453 00:36:52.800 --> 00:36:56.840 fact that it's hard to resist. I mean that it's actually hard. We feel that 454 00:36:56.840 --> 00:37:02.680 it's easy. It's because we're in the habit of it, but it's actually not easy. 455 00:37:02.680 --> 00:37:11.280 It's actually very, very hard for us to go to act counter to our nature, but 456 00:37:11.280 --> 00:37:16.000 we're in the habit of thinking of all of these shoulds. I mean how old are all of 457 00:37:16.000 --> 00:37:21.000 we, all of us in the rest intensive? How many, how many years? How many different 458 00:37:21.040 --> 00:37:26.360 events? How many records? You know, how many, how many times have we felt like we 459 00:37:26.360 --> 00:37:32.600 have been affirmed in the lies that we believed about ourselves or about how 460 00:37:32.600 --> 00:37:37.960 God sees us? We were taught according to the tree of knowledge of good and 461 00:37:37.960 --> 00:37:43.200 evil. We were graded in school according to the tree of the knowledge of good and 462 00:37:43.200 --> 00:37:50.440 evil. Smart kids and smart people are rewarded. Knowledge, the tree of the 463 00:37:50.840 --> 00:37:59.320 knowledge of good and evil. Knowledge is rewarded in society. We are taught that 464 00:37:59.320 --> 00:38:02.200 is what we need in order to get ahead. We're taught that's what we need in 465 00:38:02.200 --> 00:38:05.760 order to provide for and protect ourselves. We are taught that that is our 466 00:38:05.760 --> 00:38:10.200 Savior. That if there's something that we're afraid of means we don't know 467 00:38:10.200 --> 00:38:15.080 enough and we need to know more in order to protect ourselves so that we have no 468 00:38:15.080 --> 00:38:20.640 need to be afraid. We're taught that it's our Savior. So we're taught and 469 00:38:20.640 --> 00:38:24.720 we're taught that the only way to get it, to get knowledge, is to seek it out 470 00:38:24.720 --> 00:38:29.840 ourselves and to work hard. So it's ingrained. It's ingrained in our culture. 471 00:38:29.840 --> 00:38:33.520 It's ingrained in our society. It's ingrained in our, you know, our 472 00:38:33.520 --> 00:38:39.880 families, our schools and therefore it's ingrained in us and we did then 473 00:38:39.880 --> 00:38:47.840 teach it to our children. And we put all of our spouses, our peers, our 474 00:38:47.840 --> 00:38:54.280 pastors, all up, and ourselves, all up against that standard of the tree of the 475 00:38:54.280 --> 00:38:57.920 knowledge of good and evil and the shoulds and the shouldn'ts. So whenever you catch 476 00:38:57.920 --> 00:39:03.080 yourself thinking I should do this or I shouldn't do this, stop immediately. In 477 00:39:03.080 --> 00:39:07.680 other words, just just stop internally. Just think, wait a minute, okay that's a 478 00:39:07.680 --> 00:39:13.320 should and shouldn't again. And align yourself back up with what is it that 479 00:39:13.320 --> 00:39:20.760 God says. God says that there's no more shoulds and shouldn'ts. None of my behavior 480 00:39:20.760 --> 00:39:28.720 is required in order to get or get something from God or be 481 00:39:28.720 --> 00:39:34.320 denied it from the Lord. Nothing qualifies or disqualifies me. None of my 482 00:39:34.360 --> 00:39:39.760 behavior qualifies or disqualifies me. So therefore there's no more shoulds and 483 00:39:39.760 --> 00:39:46.000 shouldn'ts because God says that I don't need to know good and evil in order to 484 00:39:46.000 --> 00:39:49.560 be pleasing to him. He just wants, he wants me to be in relationship with him 485 00:39:49.560 --> 00:39:53.880 and if we're in relationship with him for, if we're just in spirit and we're 486 00:39:53.880 --> 00:39:58.040 just discerning things in the spirit, we don't need to know good and evil. All we 487 00:39:58.040 --> 00:40:02.040 need to know is who is good and who is evil. 488 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.280 God and how does he want me to interact in this moment? I don't need to know whether or not it's 489 00:40:05.280 --> 00:40:11.040 good or what is good and evil out there in the world. I just follow my father and I act like my 490 00:40:11.040 --> 00:40:17.760 father. I look like my father. That's all that's important in God who's always good. You know, 491 00:40:17.760 --> 00:40:24.240 we're going to effortlessly do good without trying. Anyway, hopefully that is helpful. 492 00:40:24.880 --> 00:40:31.760 I'm glad that you brought up the question because I've never connected this before. 493 00:40:31.760 --> 00:40:35.200 In fact, I don't know, maybe I should even do a separate teaching just specifically on making 494 00:40:35.200 --> 00:40:43.200 sure that those two things are connected. Let's see here. Okay, getting back to friendships, 495 00:40:43.200 --> 00:40:50.880 remember that the purpose of friendships is bringing, it enables us, it's another way that 496 00:40:50.880 --> 00:40:57.680 enables us to manifest heaven into earth. That's the purpose of friendships. It's not to give us 497 00:40:57.680 --> 00:41:06.800 something that we need. Sure, it's a way in which God's spirit can interact to us through someone 498 00:41:06.800 --> 00:41:15.040 else, absolutely, but the purpose of friendships is to manifest heaven into earth in a specific 499 00:41:15.040 --> 00:41:20.240 way. It's to have fellowship with someone else's spirit through their soul and their body. 500 00:41:21.600 --> 00:41:27.680 We're having fellowship with the spirit and we need to view each other in the fact that we are 501 00:41:27.680 --> 00:41:34.640 one. Oh good, I'm glad it's making sense now. Yay. Like I said, it was such a good question. 502 00:41:35.680 --> 00:41:41.360 I'm glad that you challenged me to draw that connection for everybody. 503 00:41:41.760 --> 00:41:49.920 Then and also our friendships should be effortless because remember we are, 504 00:41:50.560 --> 00:41:58.080 God desires us to understand that we're free. That means that we're free and it doesn't matter 505 00:41:58.080 --> 00:42:03.040 what someone else does or doesn't do and how they interact with us. We're completely, he wants us 506 00:42:03.040 --> 00:42:08.880 to understand that we're free and when we're free we can finally enjoy other people. We don't have 507 00:42:08.960 --> 00:42:18.320 to feel fearful that we're going to be threatened by them. Oh my goodness, what are they going to 508 00:42:18.320 --> 00:42:23.280 say? What are they going to do? What are my parents going to say or do? What's my spouse 509 00:42:23.280 --> 00:42:28.160 going to say or do? What are my friends going to say or do? I don't know, do I want to become 510 00:42:28.160 --> 00:42:33.600 friends with this person because what if I get hurt or should I start dating this person because 511 00:42:33.600 --> 00:42:39.760 oh my goodness, what if I get hurt? We don't have to worry about any of those things because other 512 00:42:39.760 --> 00:42:45.360 people cannot threaten us. Remember what we talked about the other day in spiritual warfare. Other 513 00:42:45.360 --> 00:42:51.360 people cannot threaten us if we acknowledge that our identity is in our spirit because nothing can 514 00:42:51.360 --> 00:42:59.360 attack our spirit. Nothing can threaten our spirit. It can only threaten us if we believe that we are 515 00:42:59.440 --> 00:43:04.080 in the soul or if our identity is in the soul or our identity is in the body. 516 00:43:04.880 --> 00:43:09.760 But if we acknowledge the fact that our identity is in our spirit, nothing can ever, nothing can 517 00:43:09.760 --> 00:43:16.880 ever threaten us. We're just kind of like, whatever. I mean it's like a little mosquito 518 00:43:16.880 --> 00:43:22.560 trying to bite your ankle. You're like, oh my word, what a pipsqueak. It's just no big deal. 519 00:43:23.040 --> 00:43:32.000 So when you are wanting to make friends, say for instance, let's say for instance that 520 00:43:32.000 --> 00:43:37.840 you're going to church or you've got some networking event or whatever and you're 521 00:43:37.840 --> 00:43:41.760 wanting to make friends and you're wondering, okay so how do I do so? How do I do so from a 522 00:43:41.760 --> 00:43:49.200 place of rest? Because if you're anything like me, you had records and history of expecting 523 00:43:49.200 --> 00:43:57.520 disappointment, which is very, very dangerous. We do, and that's probably, we have a separate 524 00:43:57.520 --> 00:44:06.480 teaching about how to not approach things expecting to be disappointed. That's a big one. 525 00:44:06.480 --> 00:44:10.640 But anyway, so let's just put it out there and just say, okay, we need to not expect to be 526 00:44:10.640 --> 00:44:17.440 disappointed. And so how, if we believe that we're about to be in a situation that, or maybe a dinner 527 00:44:17.440 --> 00:44:21.600 party or whatever, we're not everybody, that we don't know everyone, or maybe we do know all of 528 00:44:21.600 --> 00:44:26.160 these people, but we're wanting to like develop the friendships. Whatever it is that we're trying 529 00:44:26.160 --> 00:44:31.280 to do, if we believe that we're about to be in a situation with other people where historically 530 00:44:31.840 --> 00:44:38.560 we have felt nervous. How am I going to be received? Are they going to like me or 531 00:44:38.560 --> 00:44:42.640 they're not like me? Am I going to find a friend? I think, you know, etc, etc. 532 00:44:43.360 --> 00:44:48.560 What is it that we can do to prepare ourselves? You can do what I do. 533 00:44:49.600 --> 00:44:55.360 And I've talked about this before. When was this? Oh, I think this is in the teaching 534 00:44:55.360 --> 00:44:59.760 One with God. I think that it, what was that? Session seven. 535 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.760 Nine, whatever one that was. It's that same thing that and that same practice 536 00:45:05.760 --> 00:45:08.880 that I talked about that I recommended to everyone that I also walked myself 537 00:45:08.880 --> 00:45:12.960 through and that is in order to remind myself of who it is that I am and to 538 00:45:12.960 --> 00:45:17.360 shift into that identity and that's where I have envisioned Jesus and I tell 539 00:45:17.360 --> 00:45:23.040 Jesus that, okay Jesus, I believe I was taken out of you and I believe 540 00:45:23.040 --> 00:45:28.280 that I have been reinserted back into you and I abide in you as you abide in 541 00:45:28.280 --> 00:45:33.160 me and we abide in the Father as the Father abides in us and therefore I am 542 00:45:33.160 --> 00:45:44.920 always about my father's business and I declare that to him as if I was a bride 543 00:45:44.920 --> 00:45:52.600 declaring my vows to my to my groom where God has said those words first. He 544 00:45:52.600 --> 00:45:57.320 initiates, right? He has declared those vows to me. He has declared that that 545 00:45:57.320 --> 00:46:02.720 thing is true. I'm repeating them back to him but I'm repeating them back to 546 00:46:02.720 --> 00:46:10.280 him declaring them not just repeating them like he's like as if he's telling 547 00:46:10.280 --> 00:46:14.520 me what to say and I'm just repeating it back you know just trying to it from 548 00:46:14.520 --> 00:46:20.000 like rote memory. No, he told me how he feels about me and I am telling him back 549 00:46:20.000 --> 00:46:23.120 you know when it when the husband and when the bride and groom you know 550 00:46:23.120 --> 00:46:27.760 exchange vows how they're declaring something to each other so in that 551 00:46:27.760 --> 00:46:30.840 situation for instance you know they always have the groom start and then the 552 00:46:30.840 --> 00:46:35.280 bride and the bride does her vows well when the groom is saying his vows 553 00:46:35.280 --> 00:46:41.160 though and then and then it's not like he's telling her how it is and then 554 00:46:41.160 --> 00:46:44.760 she's just like oh okay if that's how it is well then I'll repeat him back to you 555 00:46:44.760 --> 00:46:52.800 no no they're both making a commitment to each other you know 100% okay the 556 00:46:53.000 --> 00:46:56.760 groom is saying I'm declaring that I'm going to give myself to you in this way 557 00:46:56.760 --> 00:47:00.680 and the bride just happens to repeat the same words that he says but she's just 558 00:47:00.680 --> 00:47:04.960 saying for herself hey look regardless of you and what decisions that you choose 559 00:47:04.960 --> 00:47:10.160 to make I'm declaring to you that this is how from my perspective and from from 560 00:47:10.160 --> 00:47:14.920 what it is that I am committing of myself in the relationship this is how 561 00:47:14.920 --> 00:47:18.800 I'm declaring to you this is how it is and this is how it's going to be. I do 562 00:47:18.920 --> 00:47:24.320 the same thing when I'm talking to Jesus and in this I have it with that kind of 563 00:47:24.320 --> 00:47:28.920 that I stand in my power in the authority that he has given me as one 564 00:47:28.920 --> 00:47:35.140 with him and I declare back to him this is how it is it's like a bride declaring 565 00:47:35.140 --> 00:47:41.000 her vows to her husband very different from me just just you know okay Jesus 566 00:47:41.000 --> 00:47:44.520 you said this so I'm just you know I'm like a little girl in Sunday school and 567 00:47:44.520 --> 00:47:48.760 I'm just repeating the words back to you and you told me this first and okay and 568 00:47:48.800 --> 00:47:52.240 so here you go and this is what you said and and I'm just repeating the words 569 00:47:52.240 --> 00:47:59.440 back to you I'm remember he's he looked at me he came he he came back looked at 570 00:47:59.440 --> 00:48:05.920 me saw I was old enough for love and took me into himself he saw I was old 571 00:48:05.920 --> 00:48:09.640 enough he saw I was old enough to be able to give back to him and to 572 00:48:09.640 --> 00:48:14.280 contribute so I need to stand in that and talk to him in that way so that's 573 00:48:14.280 --> 00:48:18.520 what I do and when I feel like I'm about to be in a situation in which I'm I'm I 574 00:48:18.520 --> 00:48:23.560 I've historically felt intimidated I shift into my identity I remind myself 575 00:48:23.560 --> 00:48:27.200 of who it is that I am and I have to intentionally choose it I can't sit 576 00:48:27.200 --> 00:48:32.040 there and wait and expect for a feeling before or after I make that declaration 577 00:48:32.040 --> 00:48:36.960 I just choose it I choose that this is my reality and I'm gonna frame up my 578 00:48:36.960 --> 00:48:44.080 world so anyway so you shift into rest and then once you know who it is that 579 00:48:44.080 --> 00:48:48.240 you are and once you're shifted into rest once it is that you once that you 580 00:48:48.240 --> 00:48:52.360 come into agreement that you are the new man the new man effortlessly acts 581 00:48:52.360 --> 00:49:00.200 without having without fear without without concern of potential threat from 582 00:49:00.200 --> 00:49:05.160 the situation without expectation and desire in which we're trying to pull 583 00:49:05.160 --> 00:49:09.840 something out of a situation pull something out of someone else I desire 584 00:49:09.840 --> 00:49:12.600 to have this thing out of this relationship I really desire to be 585 00:49:12.600 --> 00:49:16.280 friends with this person because I desired to feel this particular way 586 00:49:16.280 --> 00:49:20.520 whenever I'm around them and I think that if I'm around them I'm going to 587 00:49:20.520 --> 00:49:24.720 feel that particular way it's giving we effortlessly give all of that up when we 588 00:49:24.720 --> 00:49:29.600 shift into to our identity and then we just sense in the spirit who do I who 589 00:49:29.600 --> 00:49:34.880 am I drawn to whom I drawn to interact with who is the spirit wanting me to 590 00:49:34.880 --> 00:49:39.640 engage with and just manifest heaven into earth in the moment don't think 591 00:49:39.640 --> 00:49:43.120 about oh my goodness do I think that they'd be a good friend for me you know 592 00:49:43.120 --> 00:49:47.120 in ten years you know but starting now you know do I think ten years from now 593 00:49:47.120 --> 00:49:50.360 you know we do we'd still be really good friends or do I think that oh well so 594 00:49:50.360 --> 00:49:55.040 and so I probably just be superficial friends with them no no we don't have to 595 00:49:55.040 --> 00:49:58.760 be thinking long-term we don't have to be planning and strategizing you just 596 00:49:58.760 --> 00:50:02.080 move in the spirit 597 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.000 Because you've acknowledged that you are who God says that you are, and He 598 00:50:05.000 --> 00:50:08.880 provides everything it is that you need, so your friendships aren't going to 599 00:50:08.880 --> 00:50:14.920 provide a need for you. God's going to provide that. So what is it, what is it 600 00:50:14.920 --> 00:50:17.840 that we're doing when we're interacting with other people? We're just 601 00:50:17.840 --> 00:50:21.440 interacting with our spirits. Through that friendship, we are manifesting 602 00:50:21.440 --> 00:50:25.360 an aspect of heaven into earth through our spirits and engaging with someone 603 00:50:25.360 --> 00:50:32.080 else, allowing them to see an aspect of the Lord that is unique in 604 00:50:32.080 --> 00:50:35.920 us than they've ever seen in anybody else, and to give ourselves an 605 00:50:35.920 --> 00:50:41.080 opportunity to see what aspect of the Lord that He 606 00:50:41.080 --> 00:50:47.920 desires to reveal to us through someone else. And we can't plan for that. We can't 607 00:50:47.920 --> 00:50:54.160 anticipate that. We can't strategize or formulize for that. We just 608 00:50:54.160 --> 00:50:58.600 effortlessly receive it. We just put ourselves in particular situations and 609 00:50:58.600 --> 00:51:02.720 we just move and act according to the way that the Spirit directs us, because 610 00:51:02.720 --> 00:51:08.440 we're not being driven by any kind of need that we're trying to 611 00:51:08.440 --> 00:51:12.520 fulfill or any way in which we're trying to ensure that we don't get, that our 612 00:51:12.520 --> 00:51:17.040 expectations don't get disappointed. We no longer have expectations of other 613 00:51:17.040 --> 00:51:21.400 people. We enjoy what it is that they offer us of themselves, and we just allow 614 00:51:21.400 --> 00:51:25.920 us to enjoy ourselves, and when we enjoy ourselves and who it is of the Lord that 615 00:51:25.920 --> 00:51:31.800 He is in us, other people will enjoy us more. And so that was the next 616 00:51:31.800 --> 00:51:41.400 thing that I wanted to talk about is how to... we want others to 617 00:51:41.400 --> 00:51:47.400 effortlessly interact with us, to effortlessly draw people to us, attract 618 00:51:47.400 --> 00:51:52.640 people to us like our effortlessly attracting our clients that will 619 00:51:52.640 --> 00:51:57.960 resonate with our Spirit. They encounter our Spirit, engage with our Spirit, and 620 00:51:57.960 --> 00:52:03.240 they're attracted to it based off of who it is that the Lord made them to be. 621 00:52:03.240 --> 00:52:10.560 And what it is that the Lord has been talking to them 622 00:52:10.560 --> 00:52:17.120 about lately, that they hear a similar frequency in the way that we talk or in 623 00:52:18.000 --> 00:52:21.960 just looking at us across the room or whatever, and then we can do the same 624 00:52:21.960 --> 00:52:25.600 thing for them. We're supposed to be effortlessly attracted to each other, not 625 00:52:25.600 --> 00:52:30.800 be constantly trying to size each other up and figure out how we can get what we 626 00:52:30.800 --> 00:52:35.360 want from different people. Oh, I think that so-and-so seems like they're 627 00:52:35.360 --> 00:52:38.800 working the room and that they know what's going on. I want to be friends 628 00:52:38.800 --> 00:52:42.240 with a cool person. I want to be friends with a person that everybody else thinks 629 00:52:42.240 --> 00:52:45.720 is really neat and charismatic because then they'll think well of me, or I 630 00:52:45.760 --> 00:52:52.280 will think better of me if I can get so-and-so to accept me or to value 631 00:52:52.280 --> 00:52:55.640 me or whatever. Well, then I can know that I might actually have a valuable 632 00:52:55.640 --> 00:53:00.880 contribution. No, we're not looking for someone else's approval to 633 00:53:00.880 --> 00:53:08.960 grade us. We can just naturally and effortlessly enjoy other 634 00:53:08.960 --> 00:53:14.160 people, and we need to present ourselves according to who it is that we truly are, 635 00:53:14.200 --> 00:53:20.520 you know, as the new man effortlessly resting in our identity and positioned 636 00:53:20.520 --> 00:53:25.960 in the Lord so that other people have something to actually respond to because 637 00:53:25.960 --> 00:53:29.320 we don't want them to respond to someone that we're making up in the moment that 638 00:53:29.320 --> 00:53:34.160 we're working like this mask. We're working really hard to try to 639 00:53:34.160 --> 00:53:38.280 present to people because however it is that we present ourselves to people is 640 00:53:38.280 --> 00:53:41.360 the way that we're in that they're attracted by is the way that we're going 641 00:53:41.360 --> 00:53:45.680 to keep them. So however we gain that person's friendship is how we keep it, 642 00:53:45.680 --> 00:53:50.440 and so if we work for it, we're gonna have to work to keep it. It's exhausting. 643 00:53:50.440 --> 00:53:56.000 So what we want to do is just need to be who it is that we are and who will 644 00:53:56.000 --> 00:53:59.240 naturally resonate with that effortlessly are the people that we want 645 00:53:59.240 --> 00:54:03.120 to attract into our lives, and then those that it doesn't resonate with, 646 00:54:03.120 --> 00:54:08.320 it very effortlessly lets us and them know that ours is not a relationship 647 00:54:08.320 --> 00:54:19.560 that we that we need to that we have to overcome all of these obstacles in order 648 00:54:19.560 --> 00:54:29.720 to create something that in order to create something that wasn't meant to be. 649 00:54:29.720 --> 00:54:38.080 So when we so often we present ourselves to other people and we don't know 650 00:54:38.360 --> 00:54:47.080 why we are we feel that we are being rejected or or whatever, and we sometimes 651 00:54:47.080 --> 00:54:54.280 don't know why or other times we're being accepted and and we don't know why 652 00:54:54.280 --> 00:54:57.560 we're being we're being accepted. In other words, we don't know what it is that 653 00:54:57.560 --> 00:55:01.160 we're presenting of ourselves to other people. 654 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:09.520 to kind of like break that down just a little bit. Remember that we have the power to limit how God 655 00:55:10.560 --> 00:55:16.800 shows up in our lives, how God interacts with us. If we say, well God I'm going to work for 656 00:55:16.800 --> 00:55:22.080 myself, I'm going to work for my provision and my protection, well then I want to work 657 00:55:22.080 --> 00:55:29.040 for a wage, I want to work for my results. Then God's like, okay so I understand that you want 658 00:55:29.040 --> 00:55:35.280 to work for your results and you don't want me to express my character and the strength that I am 659 00:55:35.280 --> 00:55:39.520 and the extent of the love and the goodness that I am in which I give free gifts. You don't want a 660 00:55:39.520 --> 00:55:46.480 free gift, you want a wage that equals the amount of effort and energy you've put in. So that's how 661 00:55:46.480 --> 00:55:52.560 I'll show up in your life. So I can't show up in your life as big as I am because you said that 662 00:55:52.560 --> 00:55:58.720 you only want to see the limited aspect of me. So we limit the way that God presents, that God 663 00:55:58.720 --> 00:56:05.920 interacts with us based off of how much or little we say that he is love or goodness. 664 00:56:06.880 --> 00:56:11.680 So if we say, oh God you're only this much love and this much goodness, God's like, okay then 665 00:56:11.680 --> 00:56:16.640 that's how I'll show up in your life. But if he says that he's this much love and this much goodness 666 00:56:16.640 --> 00:56:22.560 and we say, God I believe you that you are this much love and this much goodness, God says, good 667 00:56:23.280 --> 00:56:30.480 therefore I will manifest like that in your life. So we limit how God shows up in our life based off 668 00:56:30.480 --> 00:56:35.040 of the degree to which we believe that he is love and goodness and that he is who he says that he is. 669 00:56:35.680 --> 00:56:43.200 We do the same thing when we interact with other people. So okay look but before I do that let me 670 00:56:43.200 --> 00:56:46.960 let me mention one more thing that will kind of help draw the connection. So say for instance that 671 00:56:46.960 --> 00:56:53.440 God is just shining his light towards us but if we only put up a red filter then all we're ever 672 00:56:53.440 --> 00:57:00.080 going to see from from the light that God is shining to us is red. We're not going to see 673 00:57:00.080 --> 00:57:06.480 that he's also green and blue and yellow and purple. All we're going to see is that he's red. 674 00:57:06.480 --> 00:57:11.200 So we're going to limit what it is that we see of the Lord. We do the same thing when we interact 675 00:57:11.200 --> 00:57:17.600 with other people. When we present ourselves in a particular when we present ourselves 676 00:57:18.400 --> 00:57:23.520 if we present ourselves in the soul or we present ourselves in the body believing that that is how 677 00:57:23.520 --> 00:57:29.600 we're identified as opposed to believing that we are that our identity is in the spirit. 678 00:57:30.240 --> 00:57:36.080 Then what we're simply what we're doing is we are putting up a filter through which we are 679 00:57:36.080 --> 00:57:42.720 shining the light and they're only able to see the at the the limitedness of us that comes through 680 00:57:42.720 --> 00:57:50.400 that filter. So we hold up our our own red filter through which they see they only see red. They 681 00:57:50.400 --> 00:57:57.200 don't see everything it is that we are. They only see that we're red and that's how we how we limit 682 00:57:57.200 --> 00:58:03.840 we limit other people. If we believe that we're that we're identified in according to something 683 00:58:03.840 --> 00:58:07.360 in the in the soul or the body if we believe that we are the soul or the body that we have 684 00:58:07.360 --> 00:58:15.760 to provide for and protect ourselves that and instead of coming into agreement with if we 685 00:58:15.760 --> 00:58:20.400 believe lies about ourselves and we put in in our insecurities and our woundings that is like 686 00:58:20.400 --> 00:58:25.600 holding up a filter through which other people are only seeing a limited aspect of us. But if 687 00:58:25.600 --> 00:58:29.520 we present ourselves in the spirit that we're presenting ourselves to other people without 688 00:58:29.520 --> 00:58:36.560 that filter so they see who it is that we truly are and they they see the actual value and the 689 00:58:36.560 --> 00:58:43.920 contribution that it is that we have and if they do reject us remember what the bible says about 690 00:58:43.920 --> 00:58:49.920 that god that says that they're not rejecting you they're rejecting christ because who are they 691 00:58:49.920 --> 00:58:55.440 seeing if you're operating out of the spirit without any filter without you know without any 692 00:58:55.440 --> 00:59:00.720 limitation because you just you you've come into agreement that you are who god says that you are 693 00:59:00.720 --> 00:59:05.600 and you're presenting that you're then yourself and your true identity which is completely at rest 694 00:59:06.400 --> 00:59:11.760 just operating in the new man just effortlessly interacting with someone else because they no 695 00:59:11.760 --> 00:59:15.840 longer are providing what it is that you need you have determined that god is your provision and now 696 00:59:15.840 --> 00:59:20.480 you're just enjoying them you're going to effortlessly be who who it is that you are 697 00:59:20.560 --> 00:59:26.960 and who it is that you are is christ and so if they don't if there's something that they don't 698 00:59:26.960 --> 00:59:36.640 like they're rejecting christ they're not rejecting you and um so it's so we can't even take it 699 00:59:36.640 --> 00:59:45.280 personally um so hopefully that is um that's helpful um there is um 700 00:59:49.440 --> 00:59:58.720 people often wonder why it feels so hard to make friends it's not hard what's hard is that we 701 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:07.440 If we come trying to come to come to interact with someone based off of what 702 01:00:07.440 --> 01:00:10.880 it is that within certain expectation that they that we want them to fulfill 703 01:00:10.880 --> 01:00:16.200 something for us that we means and because we are coming to them not 704 01:00:16.200 --> 01:00:21.200 believing that we are who God says that we are then they're going to see that 705 01:00:21.200 --> 01:00:26.160 they're not going to see who it is that we truly are they're going to see 706 01:00:26.160 --> 01:00:33.040 they're going to see us presenting ourselves in the lie that we believe 707 01:00:33.040 --> 01:00:37.680 about ourselves and so what it is that they're rejecting when they're rejecting 708 01:00:37.680 --> 01:00:41.840 that is they're rejecting that lie they're not rejecting who it is that you 709 01:00:41.840 --> 01:00:46.880 truly are they're rejecting the lie that that you believe that you are so we 710 01:00:46.880 --> 01:00:49.960 limit ourselves in our own in our own friendships because we're presenting 711 01:00:49.960 --> 01:00:58.800 ourselves in a way that we're that does not actually accurately represent us so 712 01:00:58.800 --> 01:01:04.560 anyway y'all can let me know if you have any questions I'm sorry that this had to 713 01:01:04.560 --> 01:01:08.560 be broken up into two separate sections we shall see if I just leave it like 714 01:01:08.560 --> 01:01:14.400 this or if I just scrap them and start over so that it can all fit on one video 715 01:01:15.120 --> 01:01:24.040 without my phone dying but anyway hopefully that's helpful I'm sure that 716 01:01:24.040 --> 01:01:30.160 we will have other conversations about how to make friends in rest and and how 717 01:01:30.160 --> 01:01:35.960 to how to keep them how to interact with them and how to grow deeper in our 718 01:01:35.960 --> 01:01:43.080 relationships in friendships and anyway so good to see all of you and I will 719 01:01:43.080 --> 01:01:46.360 talk to you later bye