I can't hear you yet.
Can you hear me now?
How are you?
I'm sorry the last time we saw each other you had a headache.
Are you feeling better?
I'm sorry.
I was staring at the computer too long at work.
I usually get up enough to not get those.
I'm sorry.
Do you have to wear those special glasses?
Are those things real?
I don't know.
I told somebody I got them and they said it was fake news.
I didn't doubt that.
Maybe they tried them and didn't notice the difference.
Maybe it's one of those things
where they measured it and measured the difference.
I don't know.
What are you up to these days?
How have you been?
I don't know what it is you've been wanting to progress in.
I don't know.
Your dreams, your dancing.
It works fine.
It is what it is at this point.
I'm not.
I don't know.
I don't feel like I'm noticing the Lord as much anymore.
Do you think it's because you feel more secure about it?
Maybe.
Everything is fine.
I don't know.
Do you think there has been a switch there?
That's why we do that.
When everything is fine,
we feel like everything is good and we don't notice the Lord as much.
I'm just asking.
I don't know.
The discomfort isn't there so I'm not desperate anymore.
If that makes sense.
I'm just asking.
I'm not trying to put anything on you.
I'm trying to help you figure out if there is anything you need.
What is going on?
I don't know.
What are your thoughts?
How are you feeling about your life?
Going to work and coming home and doing bedtime routine.
Overall,
let's go 35,000 feet up.
How do you feel overall?
Do you feel like you are more secure now?
Do you feel like you have the potential where you are now?
Your security in God.
The fact that you are unconditionally accepted.
Has there been a big enough change with any of those things?
Or is it like,
as much as you'd want, but like, have you noticed enough where it's like, okay, no,
I want to give Ashley a happy answer.
this is significant. And this is something that I've been wanting between me and the Lord.
And I've, I've made significant strides and steps towards it. I'm just trying to get to
trying to guide you like on like what kind of an, you know, on an answer, like, what are your
thoughts? It can be anything I'm here to help. So it doesn't have to be a particular answer.
Mm hmm. Yeah. Um, I feel like, yes, from the very beginning, there's been
a change in me and accepting myself and accepting, you know,
that I am loved and all that, but I just feel stagnant again.
Yeah, so I don't know what's stopping it. I don't know, because I'm in a routine with it,
or because I'm, I mean, and I feel like I don't remember things until they get brought up later,
like, like Renata was good at, oh, I just experienced this with the Lord. So I'll put it
in the chat. And I was like, well, I can't do that. So I should write it down. So I can remember
more easily. Because there are things that I remember, I'm like, oh, yeah, like,
but in the moment when I'm just trying to think of my overall feelings or overall,
I guess, progress, I'm like, I don't know. Like, I don't have like, like a report,
if that makes sense. I don't know if it's just I have a hard time processing things like that.
If it's not there, or if it's not written down. Yeah.
Are you talking about good things or bad things or anything?
Probably anything, but mostly like the good things with the Lord. Because Yeah, because I do remember
I was like the last time at work, you know, when you make a mistake or say something dumb,
and I was just like, really condemning myself. And then the Lord showed me like,
my mistake actually helped with something else. And I'm like, okay, Lord, I'm like,
I don't have to go into a dark place and still trust that it's, you know, it's gonna be fine.
But he just, you know, it's still a small gift. But I was like, I didn't remember that until
recently. And yeah, and to just kind of share that. I didn't share any journey. So
I was so bad this time. I'm sorry. Okay, I did. Yeah, I apologize once. Sorry for not journey
share. You're good. You're good. I am I noticed, though, it really helps people so much when they
do it as hard as the reason why you didn't do it. Do you know that I've had people not join the rest
intensive specifically, because they didn't want to have to be vulnerable with each other with
someone with other people. They told me they were fine with me. But they weren't willing to do it
with other people like journey shares, or like, doing like the rest groups or anything like that
they and so they didn't join us with that. I was like, well, it's good to know that.
It's kind of the point. So anyway, my point is that it's just to, you know, to help a person
and, and so but it's, it's, you know, I, I gave it up to y'all to each of y'all to determine what
it is that y'all, you know, wanted to do. And so you notice that Renata was the one who did the most.
She's the one who chose that for herself. And then Annette did the next most, I think, at least,
you know, you know, this round and all of that. And that's what it is that they choose. So it
helps each person, you know, but it's something that each person just kind of has to choose,
you know, for them, whether or not, you know, it's something that they're,
that they are ready for. So anyway, it's there for y'all. So that I hope that I hope listening
to everybody else's was encouraging. Oh, yeah, always. Yeah. Oh, good. Good. Yeah. I've always
found them to be just exceptionally powerful, not just the person doing it. But the multiplication
effects from people writing down their experience, like say, for instance, you know, though I posted
in this
time, I like I reposted three journey shares from the past,
one from Carrie Byler, one from Susan Spitzman, Fleming
Spitzman, and then the other one from Alana Palm. And you
noticed that, that one of the reasons why each of them were
so powerful is they had gone through some major thing
between them and the Lord. And then they, they were very kind
of like detailed slash expressive in writing it out,
like they kind of wrote out a bit more, they fleshed out what
they were experiencing. And then it just kind of helps solidify
it even more. But then what I was able to do is even though,
you know, they haven't been active in the rest intensive in
a very long time. You know, they are all they are, I can attest
to the fact that they're all still living it. And, and
anyway, it bit them and what it is their experience and what
they went through, allow is just has a multiplication effect and
the fact that it affected the people that read it. And then
here we are like almost two years later from the fact from
where each one of those ladies wrote those, and I read and I
happened to repost them, you know, in this group, and then
it just helped everybody this time, because I want people to
know that, that it's not just me who has that God interacts like
that with that, that he that those things happen because of
him, not because of the individual, so to speak. Yeah,
the individual has chosen to believe that God really is that
in other words, they finally got to receive it that then
therefore they got to experience it. But God is that same God
with everyone. And, and so I get really excited to when other
when people share what it is that they're going through, so
that others can be encouraged that, okay, so it's for me, too.
It's not just for Ashley, because it happened for so and
so, and so and so and so and so. And literally, it happens to
everybody that steps out, you know, to x, y degree, you know,
to every single person that steps out to x degree to get x
from God, and everybody steps out to y degree gets y from God
or whatever. And I want them to know that, hey, you know, it's
just available for everyone. So anyway, I'm really glad to hear
that the journey shares were really, were really helpful. And
and because I've learned that they're so helpful to people,
I've decided to figure out, hopefully, I can I can do this
as I have time to go through and kind of like categorize them,
the ones in the past, because like, specifically, like, okay,
which ones are talking about God's goodness, or which ones
are talking about, you know, God's faithfulness, or which
ones are talking about God's protection, or his provision,
or his whatever, so that when those topics or questions or
struggles come up, in each rest intensive, I can pull up some
of those from the past and say, Okay, here are some past journey
shares that have people that have specifically experienced
that with the Lord that struggled with that
characteristic of God. And here's what they experienced
when they believed God really was the thing that it didn't
look like he was in their life that they weren't experiencing
in their life. And they chose that he was other than what they
were experiencing. And then that changed the air experience
that they got. So anyway, I'm, I'm glad to get the feedback
that all of that is helpful, because it just kind of like
affirms to me that, yeah, that's a good thing for me to kind of
like see what I can categorize, so I can know which ones are
helpful to pull in and bring up and, and just kind of like
continue to encourage people. And so, so that everyone can
kind of like build on and build on and stand on the shoulders of
those who've gone before and like on your shoulders, and you
are so helpful, you know, this, this, this group, people so
appreciated the fact that you've gone before and they're like,
Okay, all right. So, you know, Rita's done this before. And,
and they, it was it was a Karen who said that she was in a rest
group or something with you. And she was like, she just decided
that maybe you need to do a little teaching or you need to
delete it or something because you knew more than they did. I
was like, this is great. Exactly. I thought that was
great. Or maybe it was Diana. So one of them said it Diana Garza
or Karen, one of them said it. So or maybe one said it and the
other affirmed it. And that's why I'm remembering both. But
anyway, so and I've noticed a huge difference in you huge
difference than you since you started and you know
Um, I know that, uh, I know that Tammy has, and I simply know that because
she joined the rest intensive, she wouldn't have done that if, you know,
if you would just, if she hadn't noticed any difference other than, Oh, I think,
yeah, I think the group, I think the group is nice, you know, cause $995 is
nothing to sneeze at for someone to kind of like risk everything on, but she's
like, okay, if, if this can impact Rita, like this, I want what Rita has.
So anyway, see multiplication, who cares about your new shares?
You're, you're changing other people.
Anyway, so, um, anything else coming up about like, I don't know, any questions
or how are just, um, are you just overall, are you, um, concerned about
anything, um, any, I don't know, or is there anything you'd like to share
as any, any hope that you're now feeling in a significant way, or I don't know.
I mean, anything you're wondering about, about how to move forward and, and, um,
and rest in the Lord in a particular area or I don't know how anything.
Yes.
How to move forward.
I'm like, am I supposed to stay six years old for a while?
Yeah.
Um, I mean, I feel like everything's good and I don't know if I just need to like
enjoy it because I've never, you know, like been at a place where I was like
comfortable financially and like emotionally, like got healthy friends,
healthy community and just like, all right, Lord, it, um, but I, I do want to
experience him more.
I know I'm not supposed to chase the experience, but I was like, I want to,
um, yeah, but so lately, even though I haven't been feeling like anything has
changed much or whatever, I mean, it's not negative, so that's good, but I'm
like, all right, Lord, I'm choosing that you're here with me and you're
enjoying this thing with me.
And I just, you know, and that's just kind of, um, where I'm at now
is just like, I'm going to choose it.
And, um, yeah, I, I think, actually, I think I just need to do more of that
though, to, um, it do what the choosing that he is, what, sorry, I'm getting
some tea.
I'm so thirsty.
It's not even funny.
I had salty barbecue first and apparently it was a lot of salt and not enough water.
No, you're good.
Um, yeah, yeah.
Cause I'm like, where are you, Lord?
I guess I'm just going to choose your hair and you're going to drive in the car with
me, enjoy this time with me.
And we're just, you know, and then just kind of go continue just going about that
way and just, um, but I would like to experience or feel it more, even though
I feel like I'm choosing it because I'm not, because I'm not feeling it.
Um, um, well, okay.
So what it is that you, that it's very important to do is to choose it, um, to
choose it and not the experience.
So that all sounds easy, but it's, but it also hits, um, it can hit a nerve and be
like, yeah, but that's not what he wants.
Trust me.
I know.
So what I'm telling you is not the nice biblical answer.
I'm telling you what actually works because not only I, but other people, um,
that I've walked through this, that were desperate enough that they did it.
It worked for them too.
And they're like, okay, they're there.
And finally, yes, it actually does work.
Like the thing I don't want to do, or the thing that hurts because I felt like I'm
letting go of what it is that I want actually gets what, um, and that is that
you let go of the experience and, um, let me see if I can describe that.
Sorry.
I'm in the middle of like getting all this tea.
I am so thirsty.
It's not funny.
Um, uh, so, okay.
For instance, let me, I know that I'm, I'm just using this as an example.
So this is kind of like kicking us off topic just to just a little bit.
But, um, several years ago, I think it was about 12 years ago.
It was actually 13 years ago.
Um, I was asking the Lord if I should go on a particular mission trip and it
cost a lot of money that I didn't have.
And, um, like I literally did not have the money.
But I felt like I should go and I wanted to go and all of that, but I was concerned that
I wasn't hearing the Lord.
And what I didn't realize I was doing is because I was so desperate to hear the Lord and desperate
to have an answer, I was actually resisting being able to hear him.
So I couldn't get that clarity.
And again, this is 13 years ago, way before I knew about rest or anything.
And I was basically tormented for about two weeks, asking, Lord, should I, should I not?
Is this what you want?
I don't really know.
I just want you, I just want to do what you want me to do, Lord.
All of that desperateness to hear from him and to get the right answer, and Lord, what
should I do?
And I went up front one day at the front of the church because they were offering prayer
for people.
And I said, so I have a question for the Lord and I don't know how to get the answer.
So I didn't tell him what it was about, but I just told him I had a question for the Lord.
And so they closed their eyes and they were praying and the person said, oh, and I'm seeing
and say that they literally started describing the scene that I had been in just the night
before with multiple people.
They began to describe it and I'm like, okay, they're on point.
They're hearing from Lord.
So I'm like, okay, this is good.
So it kind of like gave me a little bit, it gave me some assurance.
And then they said, okay, what I'm hearing from the Lord is that you need to stop hearing
or you need to stop pursuing God.
You need to stop pursuing the answer from God.
You just need to pursue him, pursue him and not the answer.
So it's similar to pursuing him and not the experience.
And because I'm thinking that the answer is, well, God, I just want to know what your will
is.
I just want to do what you want me to do.
And really that we're separating God from what he's asking us to do.
And so we're giving up God in favor of, you know, peace, the actual himself that he would
rather us have.
And we're saying, God, just let me tell me what to do and I will do it, which is what
the Israelites, you know, said that they would rather have said, you know, no, Moses, you
go in here, God, for us and just tell us what to do and we'll do it.
And so I was like, okay, that's really not what I wanted to hear because I'm wanting
an answer.
Lord, I need an answer because I have to give it to someone so that I'm going to go on this
mission trip and do that.
And I need to make sure I get the money.
And I'm thinking, I've got deadlines.
I've got a reason why I need to know the answer, whatnot.
And so I'm, in other words, I'm thinking, Lord, I'm holding a legitimate reason before
you.
It's not some like ethereal far off in the future, God, what am I going to do with them?
What am I going to do in my life?
This is a deadline, you know, and I had to just, I had to just give it up.
So I don't remember if I tried to do it then, but I was like, well, okay, apparently I need
to do this.
And I struggled doing it.
Finally, I don't remember how many days later I was in my apartment and I remembered what
that person had said.
And I'm like, okay, God, I'm going to do it.
And I'm not somebody who turns on worship music in the house and worships to the Lord
in my home.
It's probably something that I should do.
It's just not, it's just not something I do.
So I'm always in awe of people that say, oh, you know how you just turn on worship music
in the middle of the day and you just start worshiping the Lord.
No, I don't know what you're talking about.
So I'm just not one of those people that has historically done that, but I decided
to do that that evening.
I'm like, okay, God, because I was trying to think, how do I, how do I obey God?
He's saying to choose him and not the answer.
So in to seek, that's what it was to seek him and not the answer.
And so it's like, well, I don't know how to do that.
Like how do I step out into that?
And so I was like, okay, well, I'll worship, surely that's seeking God.
So I turn on worship music and I'm telling you what, within probably 15, I think it was
15 seconds, maybe it was 30.
I'm worshiping God.
I let go of the answer.
I stopped asking him.
And within 15 to 30 seconds, he answers me.
I'm like, okay, as soon as I let it go.
And of course, now I realize that part of that is because I'm resisting, you know, hearing
the Lord and how am I resisting by choosing the answer instead of.
God. And so it's the same thing, you know, with an experience. It's like, Lord, I want something
from you. I want to be able to feel a particular way in order to convince myself that I'm safe,
that I'm loved, I'm protected, that what you say is true. So a lot of times what we're doing
unintentionally and subconsciously is we're seeking an experience as our evidence that we
want to build our faith on to finally believe God. And God's like, no, abandon seeking proof,
abandon seeking the experience, you know, and choose me in order to experience me because I'm
not going to give myself to you until you open yourself to receive me and stop resisting me.
Because it will give you, I kind of mixed all that up. He's already given himself to us,
but he's like, you can't receive me. And I'm definitely not going to force my way in
because I need to be invited and welcomed in by you being, excuse me, by you being vulnerable,
opening yourself up to me, being vulnerable. Then I know that you will fully and unconditionally
accept me as I choose to express and to reveal myself. Then you're experiencing me, but asking
in a manner of speaking, ask for us to ask God, ask to experience God without choosing him.
In other words, using this as a condition on which we continue to choose him. Or like,
like, say for instance, you're continuing to choose him. I'm continuing to choose him,
and I still haven't gotten the experience or whatever, because, but so what that's doing
is that still taking the lack of experience in accusation against God and holding that against
God. And so even though we're continuing to choose him, we're continuing to resist him,
meaning that we're not actually choosing him. So what we're doing
is we're doing the, we're doing what I was explaining actually to somebody else.
Was it today or yesterday? I was explaining this.
Maybe it was last night. I was explaining as, yeah, it was, it was last night. So,
cause I was talking to somebody else on a transformation session and they had this,
it wasn't this exact thing, but it was something like this. And they were like, well, why isn't
this happening? You know, why isn't these things, these promises that God made to me,
why isn't it happening? Same thing like this, you know, this experience that I want to have
with the Lord, why isn't it happening? And I said, well, that's happened to me too.
And here's what I discovered. I discovered that not only do we kind of lock down if we're like,
if say, for instance, we're wanting something from God, we can be doing one of two things to
that's creating resistance against him. We can either be holding strongly and tightly onto
something and saying, okay, God, you know what I'm going to be, I'm going to submit,
I'm going to surrender. I'm going to give you verbal permission to come and tear it away from
me. And that's my surrender, you know? So there's that, but then there's also the thing where we're
not actually holding onto anything, but we've got our protective walls up and then we're saying,
okay, God, I'm surrendering by giving you permission to come down and like tear down
all of my protective walls that I've built up while I at the same time and continuing to hold
them up and try to protect myself from you, but I'm giving you permission to come in and overpower
me. So we'll be in a battle Lord, but I give you permission to overpower me and topple down my
protective walls. And, and God's like, well, I'm not going to do that. So it's the same thing,
whether we're holding tight to something and telling God, God, I'll let you rip it from my
hands. Or we're, we've got a protective wall around us and we're, and we're, um, you know,
pushing out. We're like, no, no, no. You know, like pushing against the wall, like, okay,
no, no, I'm going to keep this thing up. And I'm not going to let God in either way. It's
that resistance to being able to receive them. And God's like, no, no, no. What, when I,
what I require of surrender is, as you've heard me say many times, is Abraham taking Isaac
where Abraham was the, all God did was he said, sacrifice your son, Isaac to me.
It was a command. It was an invitation. It was a directive, but that is all he said.
Abraham on the other is the one who at a very, very, very old age, I mean,
way past a hundred by this point, he, he is the one who had to give directions to the servants.
tell Sarah, whatever it is that he had to figure out
what he was going to tell her.
And they are the servants and Isaac.
And then as a very old man, take a three-day journey.
Then tell him to all stop.
And then only he, as a very old man,
plus Isaac, climb Mount Moriah.
And then at some point, stop and build an altar,
put his son on the altar,
and then have to explain it to Isaac at some point in there,
you know, what he was doing.
I mean, so Abraham is the one who then had to do everything
to take the thing to God.
So it's not like, okay, God,
my permission is for you to come at me and to take it away
or to tear down my walls of resistance or whatever,
you know, and that's my surrender.
The surrender is we have to come and offer ourselves,
offer the parts of ourselves that, you know,
that emotional vulnerability that I talk about,
put ourselves complete on the altar,
let go of it, back off and walk away.
And entrust that thing to God himself.
That is faith where we're like, okay, God,
if you say you are that,
then I am going to act on it by risking everything
on the fact that you are who you say that you are.
And that's hard.
And so that is what fondly will allow us
to receive the thing that we're wanting from the Lord
is to fondly give it up.
Meaning like, I don't mean just giving up
the desire for experience.
I'm talking about giving up the,
all of the resistance that we have against him.
Because as you've mentioned, you know,
in our timeline, for instance, you know, with Ed,
with the personal minister, you had mentioned,
you know, that your experience, you know,
with your father growing up, with your mother,
I'm sure that there have been other people,
maybe your ex-husband, you know, different people.
And I'm sure that there have been other people than that,
teachers, Sunday school teachers, or whatever.
We all have these people,
these people that had more power than we did,
that gave us an idea that taught us what we could,
that taught us basically how to interact
with someone that had something that we wanted,
that had control over us.
And we taught ourselves how to interact with that.
And usually what we tend to do is,
unless we're going to go into manipulation,
we choose to protect ourselves by just closing off.
And then just, and then just hunkering down
and just waiting for the storm to pass,
or hoping that they notice as little of us as possible.
And with God, he's saying that he's the opposite
of what we've experienced.
And that is very, very, very hard to fall into
because it feels like you're falling into the fire.
It feels like you were directly throwing yourself
into the place of experienced unsafety.
Like you've actually experienced it
and had it affirmed to you over and over and over
and over and over and over and over.
And God's saying, do it, do it into me.
In other words, him, fall into me.
So that's why I talk about that place
where you don't want to go, go to that place with him.
You know, like for instance, when I say,
I think I mentioned this in the love affair session
where I talked about the exercise of like,
going to Jesus and looking in his eyes,
and then you'll feel that feeling of like love
or his presence or whatever it is that you experience.
And I talk about the fact that you'll feel very exposed.
Whatever it is that you're feeling when you're with him,
you'll feel very exposed
and you'll feel like you finally hit a wall.
You keep, you kind of move into it as much as you can
and all of a sudden you feel this wall.
And you're like, okay.
And it feels kind of like you're stepping on the edge of it.
You're on the edge of a precipice
where you're going to fall not only into oblivion,
but in that oblivion is a fire.
And that's what it feels like
you're going to actually fall into.
It feels like in a way that you're falling to your death
and that there's no going back.
That's what it feels like to me is like,
oh no, I can't dip my toe in that.
I have to, once I'm gone, I'm gone.
Like there's no, oh, oops, this didn't work out.
Let's scramble back.
There's no foothold to scramble back to.
And that's what I've learned
that you have to learn to fall into in God.
And you have to go to that place that feels unsafe
and fall into that place that feels like death.
Now you're falling into God.
You're not falling into oblivion.
You're not falling into the devil.
You're not falling into something weird.
You're actually focused on God.
You're going into him.
You're trying to experience him more.
You're trying to, in your spirit, get closer to him.
And then.
And then you run into this hesitation and then you choose, okay, instead of acting on survival
instinct and going into survival mode, which is what I've always done, I'm literally going to do,
how would you express that? You do the opposite, but there's a way to express that.
It's almost like you're going to, it feels, here's what it feels like. It feels like you're
committing suicide. And we've so much tried to avoid that our whole life in all these other
areas that we felt unsafe in. We're like, we do whatever the heck we have to do to protect
ourselves and to keep into, and to survive. But for this, for me, it feels like I very
intentionally focus on the fire, very intentionally focus on that oblivion,
very intentionally focus on that place that feels the most unsafe and fall into it.
Like I focus on it and intentionally dive and then God catches me, but he won't. I don't know
that he's going to catch me until I fall into it and experience being caught. That's when I know.
So the powerful thing about that is we learn something about God because we experience him
doing it. But the way we experienced it is we actually committed ourselves fully to it
where there was no plan B. There was no way to, there was no way to recover from it. That's what
I'm trying to say. There's no way to recover from the decision. There's no way to recover from the
action. It's gone. It's done. Any other, any other plan B or chance is, you know, has, you know,
it's gone. It's, it's just no longer available. And so, and that's when we finally experience
God the way that we want to, as opposed to staying on the cliff and wanting God and wanting to
experience God. God's like, no, you experienced me. In other words, you experienced that intimacy
after that vulnerability. Anyway, so is any of this making sense at all? Is there any questions
in there? Yeah, no, it makes sense. Have you ever been to that place? I thought that you said that
you had a few different times months. You've done it before you, when you were lying in that bed,
lying in bed. Yes. Didn't you say you did it? Well, I told him that I was like, I told him I
didn't want to fall. And so he just like suspended me and yeah, it was, yeah, it was different. I
didn't, I guess I wasn't ready. Well, that's sweet. So, and that's another thing is allowing
God to meet you where you are and what you're ready for. So just know that when you're finally
ready, then, and you're finally are, are desperate enough. You're finally yearning so much for it
that, that again, how would I put it? That, that you'll have to actually do the hard thing
if you want it, if you really want to finally have it. So and if you just are to the point
where you're like, yeah, but I'm just not, I'm just not ready yet to actually go through the
thing in order to get it, then you just don't want it badly enough right now. And so God,
and that's what happened there. And you asked God to meet you where you were. And because he's a
loving father, knowing where you are, he's like, sure, sure. I'll meet you there. But so he's very
gentle with us. He's very loving. He didn't condemn you or anything, but so you, you got to experience
that staying where you are doesn't bring condemnation. You then got to experience God's
lack of condemnation and his love and him meeting you where it is you are. But what we don't get
is what actually going through with it and falling into him gets us. So you got to experience
something very special from the Lord. So just when you're ready though, and so now you know that,
now you know that, hey, you know what? God is that good. God is that loving towards me.
He's that non-condemning. He's, and so he's that embracing.
same. So no matter where it is that I am on the journey, I can
expect that God is kind. I can expect God to be kind to me. And
remember that, and I've been talking about this a few times
this past weekend. And the fact that Graham Cook says that if he
could tell any if he could tell people only one thing about God,
so that they would know and understand at least one thing
about God, he was asked, What would that be? And he told them
that God is the kindest person I've ever met. So you can know
that I mean, out of all of the things that Graham Cook knows
about the Lord and all these wild spiritual experiences that
he's had, and he could only tell somebody one thing, that's the
thing he chooses, is that that they would understand that God
is so extraordinarily kind, that he's the kindest being I've ever
met. So see, you've experienced that, then instead of
condemnation, when you're like, God, I can't do it. Will you
please meet me where I am? Will you please father me into this?
Not throw me into the deep end of the pool and I can't swim.
Would you father me there? It's like, sure, I'll father you
there. Where are you? Okay, I'll stand with you right now. I'll
meet you where you are, you know, he didn't leave you alone.
And you're like, well, I'm over here. And so whenever you want
me, I'm over here. And yeah, and I sure I won't condemn you, but
I won't be with you either. He didn't do that. Okay. It's like,
Okay, sure. This is where you are. And this is where I will be
too. But whenever you're ready for more, it'll require that
more. So you experienced the perfect thing, that wherever it
is that you were, God was kind, he didn't condemn, he met you,
he loved you. And he actually came to and was present with
you. While you were there. He's like, Okay, then this is where
we're going to be. So and then if you want more of him, if you
want him to a deeper measure, if you want to experience a deeper
intimacy of his presence, deeper intimacy of the other, well,
then you'll have to say yes, when in the past you said no. So
in other words, you'll have to say yes, in an area that you've
never ever said yes before. And so that's going to take you into
new territory. And that's stretching. And that is
terrifying. There's a reason why you've said no. And so when you
say yes, you're going to be moving into an unknown, you're
going to be moving into someplace you have never been
before. And so it's not like, Oh, I've been here before. And
I remember that. And that's really hard. And it's scary. And
I'd rather not. But you know what, you know, if I if I have
to say yes, at least I've done it before. This is that I have
never seen what's on the other side of that. Yes. You know, and
so then you do it. So and then you're going to have to do that.
When you decide that that's how much you want of God. So what we
always risk though, is we always risk Yeah, but is there
really something on the other side of that? Yes. Will God
really meet me? That's what we're always risking. If we knew
that it was there, we would do it. But there's something in us
that makes us wonder Yeah, but are we sure? So that's the thing
and that's the risk. And that's what faith is. God says risk
yourself on the fact that what I always tell you about myself
really is true. Risk that I always tell you the truth. And
that if I said that I wouldn't there, if I if I said that I'm
on the other side of that, yes, if I said that I'm going to give
this much of myself on the other side of that, yes, if I said
that I'm going to catch you, you know, believe out in faith and
then act on the fact that that what what I say really is true.
You have to actually put your money where your mouth is and
actually act on it, which burns all your bridges. There's no
scrambling back, there is no plan B, there's no do over, you
done it, you know, and then God's like, you believed me. And
you risk yourself on nothing, but me and the fact that I said
it. So and then that gives you something at the Lord. So
anyway, the thing is, whatever it is that you choose, God's
always there. He's not condemning. And then just always
know that whenever you want something more, it'll require
that yes, when you've been saying no. So at least you know
that your no is God meets you there. He's like, okay, that's
where we are then. So because you've already arrived,
remember, huh?
So am I saying no to him or no to the other side? Or is that
the same thing? Like?
It's the same thing. Yeah. It's the
because he is what we're gaining.
We're gaining more of himself.
We're gaining more of,
see, that's what the inheritance is.
The inheritance is piece and parcel of himself.
He has all of these things that he talks about
that are in the inheritance,
like spirit, guest and spirit,
and, you know, guest and spirit,
fruits of the spirit, rest, all of that stuff.
Those are literally all pieces,
piece and parcel of God himself.
And of his spirit that he's giving us.
And to, I don't know,
for us to just, to support us,
and that we can enjoy, et cetera.
They've come from him.
And anyway, so, and he's,
and what it is that is required
in order to receive more of him
is to actually believe what he said.
And remember what Chris Blackaby says,
you know, that belief is God's love language.
So when we believe God,
when we believe his word,
when we believe what he says,
we're actually receiving piece and parcel of God there.
Something he said is actually piece and parcel of God.
We're receiving that and he feels loved
because what we, it's not the fact that we believed him,
it's the fact that we received him into ourselves
and allowed him to enter us
because that takes our sacrifice and vulnerability
to bring him into us.
So that's what it is that we're saying no to
is when we're saying no to what he's inviting us
to believe about him,
we're saying no to that truth,
that thing that he said,
that word that he's calling us to believe
since word is piece and parcel of himself.
If we're saying, no, I don't believe that.
No, I can't have faith in that.
And then act on that.
I don't believe it's reality.
I can't, you know, I can't actually like,
yeah, I just can't actually accept that as reality.
We're rejecting God himself
because that word is God himself.
So we're rejecting it.
So that's what it is.
God has patience for us and all of that,
but that's what it is that we're doing.
And that's why I believe,
that's why God says that it's without faith,
without receiving his word,
it's impossible to please him
because pleasing him is in receiving him.
Again, he, you know, we're all on this journey
of doing it more and more.
And he fathers us into all of that.
He fathers us into receiving more and more of him,
becoming more and more immersed in him.
But yeah, that's what we're rejecting.
And that's what we're saying no to.
Yeah.
So anyway, so I still am currently saying no to God
in certain areas, but I'm like, I just can't do that yet.
I'm just not ready for that yet.
You know, but I, so I asked the Lord,
I acknowledge where it is that I am.
Instead of thinking, well, I just shouldn't be here
and that's just wrong.
And I got to get ahold of myself.
That's going to create more resistance, you know?
So I just have to,
I have to accept myself for where it is that I am.
Be like, okay, that's where I am right now.
I'm actually resisting God in this particular area.
Okay.
That's apparently where I am.
I'm not saying okay as in like, okay, that's all right.
That's no big deal.
I don't care.
That's good.
I'm not saying that.
I'm not agreeing with it.
I'm just acknowledging and stopping denying
that that is true.
I'm like, okay, I'm actually in resistance against God
right now in that particular area.
And so then I asked God, okay, Lord,
I am willing though to not be in resistance.
Right now, Lord, I'm in resistance
because that thing scares me.
I don't believe that.
I don't believe in you that much or whatever,
but God, if you say that that's you,
if God, that really is you,
then I want to receive that of you
and I don't wanna be in resistance.
So God, I ask that you would help father me
into how to end to removing this resistance.
I am willing, Lord, to not be in resistance against you.
And so I ask that you help me to let go
whatever it is that I need to let go of
and take me through that process.
So just pray and ask him to help you
with whatever area, with wherever it is that you are,
as opposed to getting onto yourself
and receiving condemnation, whatever,
you'll go through it faster
because you're not resisting yourself.
and thinking and thinking and getting upset at yourself for being where it is
that you are. You're like, okay, this is where I am. Okay.
Being where I am, what do I want to ask of God?
Well, I actually don't want to be like this.
I understand why in this way.
And I can't imagine doing what God is telling me to do or inviting him to,
or inviting me to believe in,
because there's a reason why me holding onto this thing makes me feel safe.
And I really don't want to let go of it.
And I really don't want to feel unsafe and whatever, but I do want God.
And so God,
would you please help me be brave enough and learn how to let go enough
and believe you enough and choose you enough to finally let go of this
thing and to choose you and stop resisting. So you just pray where you,
you pray to what, wherever it is that you are,
instead of resisting wherever it is that you are and just say, you know, God,
you know, I don't know, help me to help me to do this,
or help me to do that, or Lord, I'm so sorry. And I, I'm going to try harder.
I'm going to try harder to try harder for,
be honest about where it is that you are and pray from that perspective,
pray from the perspective that you're in resistance and ask God to tell you
instead of, uh, instead of denying that you're in a resistance, I'm like, okay,
God, I'm trying to believe. I'm trying to believe,
just God, please help me to remove this resistance and, you know,
and believe you instead of ignoring the fact that you're in resistance. Um,
so that'll help you drop your defenses faster and feel safer with
them and, and all of that. Cause you won't be fighting you.
Remember your spirit's already chosen you, God, your spirit's already there.
Your spirit isn't overcoming. I mean, isn't being overcome.
It's your soul and your body that are, you have already done it.
You're already there.
So the reason you don't feel like it sometimes is because you're down in your
soul and your body thinking that where all the battle is,
is where you are. You're not where the battle is. You're above the battle,
but we're so conscious of the aspect of ourselves in battle that
we're not as conscious as we should be in the part of ourselves.
That's above the battle.
So what we're learning to do is to shift our consciousness up here and feel the
consciousness of the battle below us, not in our,
not in it. And so that's why all of this can feel very overwhelming.
It's wild. This can feel very condemning.
It's like this can always feel like, Oh my word, I'm not believing God.
Why am I not believing God? No, you are, you are believing God.
So I just, you know,
I recommend trying to focus more on on what it is that you've already done and
who it is that you already are, what's already been accomplished for you.
And then that's who it is that you are. And,
but you're having this earthly experience that's different than who you are,
as opposed to thinking that this earthly experience is where you are constantly
trying to battle it until eventually it gets better.
That's exhausting to think that that's the existence that we're going through.
It's not the existence we're going through is, is in our spirit.
This is just an earthly expression or the existence of it.
So yeah, anyway,
I needed that. Thank you.
Good. I thought it was helpful, but yeah.
What I always recommend when people are having a hard time, you know,
connecting with the Lord is to just truly continue to choose
the Lord.
To choose the fact that he is really as loving and as good as he says that he is
and not trying to reconcile all of this. Yeah. But God, what about, and God,
then why aren't you taking care of this in my life? God,
well then why is this area of my life with this person is so bad or so difficult
or so challenging instead of bringing up all of the concerns and all of the
things that you haven't,
aren't that are difficult and that haven't reconciled,
just focus when it's you and God, I mean, just, you know,
in relationship to God, only focus on, on the goodness and on the love and let
that, and I promise you that will overpower and change.
What's the word? It will overcome,
overwhelm and overpower your, your senses,
your focus, your consciousness. And then,
and then eventually it will change you to the point that your environment or at
least your perception of your environment will completely change.
And that's what I experienced.
I experienced that actually here in this apartment. I, you know,
I've told y'all many times that, you know,
all of my businesses were failing and I had no money and I was trusting more for
food. And, um,
that my relationships were struggling and everything.
And so I had nothing at the point where I told God, OK, God,
you know, I choose you over my lifestyle.
I choose you over whatever my life ever even changing from what it is now.
Even Lord, if you call me back into business
where I is the last place that I'm going to go, the word business
used to make me nauseated.
I'm not kidding.
Like somebody would say, in fact, Chris Lockerbie was talking to me one time
and he said the word business.
And I got nauseated.
He was talking to me like way back then.
And I'm like, I think Chris is like, I can't
I can't talk about that word.
Like I literally got nauseated in my stomach
because I was in that much of a burnout from it.
And so it really is.
It's a I really was in a very, very difficult place
and things were going so bad, so bad.
And it was in that place that I just focused on.
And I'm thinking, God, you know, are you do you do?
I mean, I knew that he saw me.
I knew I didn't doubt his his presence.
I didn't doubt his existence.
I had gone through that like 12 years earlier.
That wasn't that wasn't what I was dealing with.
What I was dealing with now was just simply the fact
what simply was isolated to the fact that I'm just like, God,
you know, everything is just feels like it's going to hell in a handbasket.
And it feels to me like you're letting it.
You could save me from all of this, but this is where it is.
And so in that place, nothing is going right.
In fact, everything was at rock bottom.
Then I and people, by the way, some of the people closest to me
didn't believe in me.
Here I was out on a limb.
They didn't believe me or that I could do it.
In fact, they anyway, I won't get into all of that.
But I'd I'd gotten some.
Anyway, I don't know how to how to describe it without like naming people.
So just say it's really bad.
It hurt me so badly.
And I thought, here I am doing this difficult thing.
I can't even find God and nobody believes me.
And it was in that place that I chose to focus on nothing but the fact
that God was love and he was good.
It was love.
It was good that I was unified with them.
The end.
That was all that I focused on and that things were possible
that that he intended,
intended my life in the future to be good,
to be enriched, to have opportunity.
I didn't know what those things were.
It was more like that was all born simply from the fact
that I chose that God was love and he was good, period.
But I explained to you the circumstances that I was in.
That didn't look like God was love or that God was good. Right.
So I had to intentionally make a choice and focus on nothing but that.
I didn't ask. I didn't focus on.
Yeah. But why did it get to this point?
And why isn't he helping me?
You know, now, why aren't any of my business ventures working?
And why isn't this and why isn't that?
I gave up holding all of those things and accusation against the Lord
and trying to get him to reconcile all those things.
I just focused on the good things and then it changed everything.
And I think part of the reason that I did is I'm a very I have it.
I have a tendency to be a very extreme person and nothing else was working.
I didn't I didn't have hope.
We're not we're not a Rita, I'm seeing I'm seeing your name,
but I'm like saying hers because I'll start with an R that Rita, I I didn't have
a job, I had no money.
I mean, like I was in debt, no money
and I had no credit card back up, nothing.
I didn't have anything on which to build any good.
A experience or hope or proof that God was any of the things that I was
choosing to live my life, believing he's love and that he's good, period.
It was a choice.
I made it my reality.
And God's like, because you say that I am who I now who I declared that I am,
I now can express that aspect of myself in your life because you're choosing.
That's true.
And so then I then my life started turning
around and it was wild and I still see him do it all the time.
I saw him actually do mine
with our Internet here, which is really crazy because the last time I was here,
I had a I had a I had a the Lord saved me on my Internet as well.
Right before the rest.
intensive. My very first rest intensive started in April, I think April 4th, 2020. We're coming up
on three years. It's very exciting, but he, the Lord saved me on my internet there. He saved me
just recently with, um, with some more internet at the last minute. And, um, and, uh, so anyway,
but the thing is that I didn't, my point is I made the decision that I did and what it is that
I'm encouraging, encouraging you in, I made it in like the worst possible time. Like there was,
there was no alternative to lean on. It was not a safe time to make, for me to make that choice.
There was no fallback. Um, I get my job couldn't sustain me because I hadn't, you know, so it
wasn't even something I could try to hope in. It wasn't even something I was tempted to hope in.
It was like, there's just nothing. And so normally at a time like that, you fight tooth and nail and
you think, see, look, God isn't doing it for me. I have to work hard. And I'm thinking, no,
I am, how old was I? 34, 35 at the time. And I thought, no, I've done that.
And it didn't work. So even though I'm here at the bottom of the barrel, I know that that won't work.
I know what could get me out, but it can't get me where I'm wanting to go. So I have absolutely
no desire to go down that path again, because ultimately it just leads to death. So God,
I've already tried that one. That one doesn't work. Sure. I could save myself from here,
but I saw we're saving myself lead. And I, that's how I live. So Lord, what's the alternative?
The alternative is you are who you say that you are. And I don't know who that is.
So I just like, well, he says he's loving. He's good. So I'm going with that love, good and union.
That's all I chose. So, and I built everything off of those few things, that simplicity.
So I know that in the rest intensive, I talk a lot about like, there's, there's all kinds of
things I talk about. I have all kinds of teachings. I didn't have all of that. I had love,
good and union. That's all. And so my point is God is that proven. He's that faithful. He's that
powerful. That, that is all I believed about him. And it turned my life around
and it brought in finances and it brought in relationships and it brought in and it finally
created a business out of nothing. Absolutely not. So anyway, so I know I'm talking a lot,
but you know, me, I, I like to create lots and lots of context, come at it from like
a hundred different angles, just in case you didn't get the 99. Yeah. So anyway, is that,
I know it's not fun to hear, but I promise you, I promise you with everything within me.
No, I didn't just live this. I have walked other people through it. And I promise you
everyone who has done this, it's worked every single person, but it required all of them.
Meaning like it required all of who it is that they were, you know, and they finally had to
choose that God really was that he really was good. He really was love. I really am accepted.
I really am, you know, unconditionally loved and I'm just accepted. I'm, you know, just,
I'm unified with him. I can't, I can't lose it. I can't mess it up. I'm not condemned. I mean,
like it's, it's, and then I would, and then I would think, okay, if that's true.
And in other words, because I choose that it is true now that I am that person,
what decisions do I then now make? You know, I know what kind of decisions that I would normally
make when I'm not believing that, but when I am believing, I am that person,
like not up here, believing it, but actually knowing like down in your gut, knowing that,
nope, this is who I am because this is who I choose that I am because God said.
So now that I've chosen, this is my reality, what decisions would I make?
And that's then determined what decisions I made as far as like what I pursued in business. And,
and how I approached the Lord about in questioning things about finances or in
developing relationships and then trying to risk myself in new relationships. Cause relationships
were really hard for me because I've been hurt so many times. Cause I was one of those people
that would just go around trying to make friends, you know, and I just was hurt so many times.
And so I started like, so so anyway and I, I just finally started and I thought,
Oh, well, this is who I am. Well, then I can go talk to anybody.
I'm not threatened now, you know? And then
I said, I met all of these people and I started traveling everywhere.
And it was just wild.
And my life has never been so full and so rich, but.
And it all came from believing that God actually will speak to the city was, but
anyway, um, I know it's, it's hard because we have to, we have to do the thing and
it's not a formula and it's, uh, it's not like a, Oh, well, if you read your
Bible at six 30 in the morning and you do this, if you do that, uh, that it
requires, but I, but I promise you, it's the thing that works, it is the thing
that finally works anyway, but do you have any questions or any thoughts
you'd like to share with me about it?
Yeah.
So, you know, the, the what ifs and all the negatives.
So is that part of like the reckless abandonment?
It's like, okay, life was this negative part of life, but you're choosing God's
love and his goodness and your union with him, not to say that bad things
aren't ever going to happen to you.
I think that's where I, you know, I'm like,
are you talking about bad things that have happened or bad things that could
could happen because you made the choice or despite you making the choice?
Despite me making the choice.
Yeah.
So what about those, despite you making the choice, you know, so why, in other
words, walk me through your thought process of what that has to do with
making the choice, like, so, you know, I guess the scenario would be like, okay,
so God is good if he's good and love.
And if I'm believing that I would choose to do this thing, but then when I'm
thinking of that choice, all the negative things that could happen, come in, you
know, like, yeah, we can get hurt or, you know, something bad could happen.
Like by doing that thing.
Okay.
So there's a difference between God being good versus God letting me do something.
So God is good.
Whether or not you can do that thing, whether or not that thing is like, so I
know, but here's, that's my point.
We know it, but when it comes to actually making a choice like this about like,
yeah, but if I do this, what if it doesn't work out or what if I'm like,
cause you said, you know, um, I, you know, if I believe that God's good, then I
would make this choice, but what if it doesn't work out well for a couple of
things, just because God's good, doesn't mean that we should make this choice.
And also just because this choice doesn't work out, even if God said to
do it, doesn't mean he's not good.
Does it, do you see how we're connecting what happens and what I want
to, whether or not God's good, they're completely disassociated.
That is the biggest thing to kind of is to, that's, that's what I'm talking
about when I say we have to choose him in isolation of, or disconnected
from what happens and how his goodness and who he is affects us.
We would rather he be who he is and us experience, whatever that entails, then
to control our experience and to not be connected to who he is.
Did that make sense?
Okay.
So, so often we, we would rather, okay, so what we're, what we're trying to do
is we're trying to choose that God is who he is regardless, like we choose
that that's what we desire, that's what we want, that's the reality that we want
to live in, that's what I'm saying about shoes.
I don't mean choose that it's true.
I mean, choose that is so much of a reality that that is the reality that
we choose to put ourselves into that.
He is that he is, he says that he is like, say for instance, that he's so
good, regardless of, even if that, and we choose that, we choose that God,
you are that good if you say that, even if your goodness means that, or regardless
of how your goodness affects my life and causes things to happen in my life, I
would rather.
you be good and you exist in the reality and a world in which you are who you say that you are,
even if it means that things happen to me that I don't want, I would rather that
than me be disconnected from you and having experiences that I can control.
Do you choose your experiences or do you choose God to be who he says that he is?
Which would you rather make up your life? Being connected with the real God where him being who
he is affects your life or you being disconnected from who he is because you would rather have,
you would rather get certain experiences of a particular lifestyle. That's the choice that
we're making. So we can't connect God's character to our experiences. We have to choose God's
character instead of our experiences. Then later what we'll see is because we gave up our
experiences and sacrificed our experiences to receive the effects in our life of God being
who he is and just letting God be who he is. So in other words, we're trading our experiences
or letting God be who he is into our life. Whatever that makes it out to be,
whatever the fact that his goodness or his wrath or his love or his, whatever, you know, whatever
that means, whatever that does in our life, we would rather that than have the experiences that
life in the kingdom of the world offers to us. That's the choice that we're making.
Then God's character, if we make the choice of God and his character, then he and his character
is, it will create a specific, will give us a specific experience and a specific,
but what we'll experience is we'll be experiencing the kingdom of God. We're
going to be experiencing the character of God and we're going to have traded the life experiences
and every, and all the ugly things that are connected to it, all of the consequences and
punishments. Sure. There's benefits, but the benefits are so puny compared to the benefits
that we get from the kingdom of God. But the kingdom of this world also has all kinds of
negative things connected with it. And that we also, if we're going to get the good things,
we've got to get the bad things with it too. Right? So we're choosing God and how his character
gives, affects our lives and gives us the, and gives us an earthly experience
over the earthly experience that the kingdom of the world offers. That's the trade. But what we
get from God is not only do we get the, do we get himself, but we get we get the experiences that we
have are, are of eternal significance and they're eternal as in like timeless.
They're, they, they don't, they won't burn as wood, hay, and stubble. They'll pass through
the fire as gold and silver and precious stones and all of that. And so the last,
they actually mean something. And it's only that way that we can actually transform creation. We
can't transform creation using the kingdom of the world. We can only transform creation
from the, from being from the kingdom of God, where we're receiving a life experience
from the kingdom of God and allowing it to emanate from us, partnering with it,
ruling in the kingdom of God, and then transforming creation. So that's the choice that we're making.
Are we going to choose the kingdom, the earthly and life experiences that the kingdom of the world
offers, or are we going to choose to experience life from the center of the character of God
and seeing what experience that the character of God gives us. But we have to give up the other
in order to get the God experiences. We can't have both. You know, you can't serve both God
as the Bible says. And I believe that it's, I believe that that principle, according to scripture,
you know, extends beyond money. He's talking, you know, but he's sure he's using money in that
example, but we know that that principle extends into the principles of the world. We can't serve
both of them.
We can only have one.
And so that's the point that I came to when I told the Lord, God, I choose you and your
character over my lifestyle.
And I asked that you manifest your character into my life so that my life is created by
you expressing your character.
And I saw what that did to Jesus.
And I told him that.
And I said, I saw what that did to Jesus.
And I am telling you full, you know, fully aware of what that meant, meaning like as
much as I can.
I mean, like, in other words, looking at it and looking at, oh, my word, you know, everything
that happened to him and then his death and then you know, I wasn't, I didn't experience
it.
But just like so it wasn't like firsthand knowledge, but it was knowledge of the like,
okay, Lord, looking at it and reading it like, okay, that thing right there, Lord,
that was you expressing your character into his life.
So I don't know what you expressed in your character into mine is going to make my look
like, but I would rather that than be disconnected from you.
So I told him, I'm all in no more of this, you can have this part of my life, but not
this part.
I tried that Lord, and it didn't work.
In fact, I tried to give you all of my life, but I tried to do it my way.
I tried to strive for it.
I thought I wasn't good enough.
I thought it wasn't finished.
So now Lord, I'd like to live from the finished life.
But the only way to live a finished life is to live from being from inside of you.
And so I asked that your character manifest and manifest my life.
So anyway, so I would just recommend that you pray towards those things, meaning like
acknowledge to the Lord, wherever it is that you are on that journey and say, Lord, this
is where I am, but this is where I'd like to be.
And so what you can do is you can tell him that, Lord, this is where I'd like to be.
But say, for instance, you can tell there's multiple steps from here to there, and just
like to be eventually.
But right now, Lord, this is where I am.
And so what I'm asking, can you get me from here to this next step?
You might just have a sense of like, okay, like, say, for instance, that you're not willing
to, but you're willing to be willing to then talk for the willing to be willing and asked
to be willing, you know, as opposed to being willing and asking to just do it or whatever,
you know, it just did, or maybe you're not willing to or willing to willing to, but you
are willing to willing to willing to, well, then go there, and then just talk from where
it is you are fully acknowledge and accept that.
And then ask for that next step, just like, okay, God, can you move?
This is where I am.
And I am very honestly, God, very vulnerably and very transparently, I'm at I'm asking
you and I'm just and I'm vulnerably expressing myself and putting myself on the altar to
be changed to the point where I'm finally moving from willing to willing to willing
to, to actually willing to willing to, I'm moving from number three to number two, I
am very intentionally desiring to do that.
And I'm not there yet.
And I'd ask that you'd meet that you'd help father me into that.
So and then just let him move you.
But again, what I would focus on, so I would pray things like that, but what I would focus
on is focus on the fact that God is love, he is good, his union, and you are unified
with him, and expect goodness.
I don't mean expect that things are going to happen the way you want them to.
I don't mean that.
Because again, that's holding God to a particular manifestation.
Expect good, expect joy, expect peace, expect happiness, expect me in anticipation that
the day is going to be good, that the week is going to be good, but this is, you know,
life is, you know, just anticipate that things will be well.
And in just and then I would recommend reading, reading the Bible, without now you can do
whatever you want.
Maybe you've got like a study that you're doing right now or whatever.
But one of the things I recommend is, or at least even maybe you're reading a part, you're
doing a second part of the Bible, go to another part of the Bible, and just start reading
for fun.
Don't try to get anything like don't go sit down with the purpose of getting some revelation,
get go with the purpose of just reading like you would if you're just like I always say,
as if you were reading a fiction book, which is like, you're like, this is fun, and you
just read you're not.
Trying to your it's it's bubble gum.
that's what my that's what my mother in law calls books it certain books that are just like nonsense books or books that are just like really fast reads that just don't have much substance to them see my mother in law is a lifelong learner she has two PhDs she loves reading.
And she loves learning and she has these books that she calls bubble gum books and other words she's just like there's just no substance in them i'm reading them for the absolute heck of it.
Just because it's fun so read the Bible like that, in other words get break out of this idea that everything with the God is so heavy.
and have fun with it so you're doing your dancing and then just read the Bible like it just like okay i'm starting a fusions one and i'm just going to read interesting.
As opposed to Okay, what is it saying hmm yeah it's interesting to know no no read just like okay just keep going okay well I don't really understand that.
Either but i'm reading it you just read and just finish it finish that book and go to the next one and just enjoy spending time with God and just the fact that Oh, he wrote this book okay so let's enjoy it as opposed to.
Okay i've got to get something out of it i've got to learn something.
Don't you know enjoy God be with him, we don't know how to be with God that's basically what i'm trying to say.
Is you know that love goodness union enjoying God learn how to be with God again where he's not heavy and he's not expecting something of you.
And he's not waiting for the shoe to drop and watching you and correcting you and when it does in fact that's what I think that i've decided.
that's what i'm expecting to do this next rest intensive on I think i'm going to start it April 1 this, of course, is the anniversary date and it's going to be about deeply connecting I think it is unless God changes that.
And I think it's going to be about i'm writing the journal for it right now deeply connecting with God and yourself.
And it's going to be about I mean i'm still going to have some of the foundational things but it's going to be focused very much on learning how to be with God again.
You know, in connecting with that love and that goodness and that union and that and just enjoying God and ourselves.
So anyway, because i've just been learning the it's just been reiterated to me.
By the Lord that this is a very that this is a piece that's just missing and people aren't are struggling to figure out how to rest in God.
Because they can't are struggling with that foundation, I was even talking to somebody else.
On on and Graham cooks team this past weekend, and he was saying the same thing so Graham cook you know teaches about rest as well.
And so, this guy in in Graham teach about it, and so he was saying he said, you know actually that's what we are discovering because we were like comparing notes what we've discovered in like helping to walk people through.
shifting into rest and he said, he said, you know people don't know how to be with God anymore, so they don't know how to they don't know how to rest in him and I said, I know I.
So, and so anyway.
that's what I would recommend so that are your thoughts before we before.
that's perfect that's perfect it all goes back to the same thing, but yeah no I appreciate everything yeah no I I am going to get it, I got it, I meant the Spirit has it i'm going to receive.
that's right.
And you know, as I as you've done so so so well, making the choices that you have, and I think that you've done this very well as well to just learn to just you know relax and no condemnation notion that'll get you very far just releasing no shame and no condemnation and and i've noticed you i'm progressing in that.
And really, really making major major strides in that which helps a lot, and so, if you just continue to do things like that as well it'll that'll get you really far.
With the Lord where and then you'll be able to hear even more with that no shame and no condemnation filter gone with that shame and condemnation filter gone and and so anyway.
So that should that should help, so I was just so much again my point in summary is just learn how to how to be with be with you God truly is just enjoying him without expecting.
the gauntlet to come down at any moment, or something bad to happen, or God needs something
from you, or he needs a right answer, he needs the right decision. And so if you just open up
and relax and expect good and expect love, that's what the non-believers expect. They don't expect
that God is harsh. Now, yes, I mean, they're not believing in God, but my point is that they don't
expect the universe, or whatever it is they're calling it, they don't expect it to be just like,
oh, everything is wonderful, right? Now, they don't have salvation. But they do. So they don't
have that. But there's an openness about God that they are receiving. And they're benefiting from
they're getting to receive the parts of God that they're agreeing with. So if we how much more so
the sins of God, if we open ourselves up to that. So anyway, my point is that they're not even saved.
And they're believing in love and openness and goodness, you know, from the universe,
or Mother Nature, or whatever they've decided to name it, you know. And so we can as well,
and we can even more so, and we have the foundation for it. We have the fact that God said.
So my point is that your life won't go to hell in a handbasket, because, because you're not taking
care of all of these other things, you know, oh, my goodness, what does God need? What does He expect,
you know, let's make sure you're not missing any commands, or just let it go for a little bit,
you know, and you'll, because you're going to choose because you're letting go of the trying
so hard to keep all of the obedience balls in the air. You're letting that go, in order to
finally do what God is telling you to do. And that's called obedience. And he says, I'm telling
you to believe me, who do I say that I am, I want you to choose that I am who I say that I am more
than I'm wanting you to do something. That's first, the other obedience comes because you believe me,
because you believe I am who I say that I am. That's for where all of the doing comes from.
That's all in other words, all of that, hey, you know, you know, go apply for this job and go do
this and do that. So anyway, it's not like you're you have to be worried about everything going to
hell in a handbasket, because it's, it's being an unobserved, you know, you're not paying attention
to it, you know, like a like a kid, you know, that you're not watching, and oh, my goodness,
what's it going to get into? You know, you're doing it in or you're giving that up in order
to finally do what God's taught you to do, which is to believe him. So to believe that he's good
to believe that he's love into just to, in other words, give yourself an opportunity to just by
being with him, to discover more than you knew that he was, that he's actually more fun, he's
more open, he's more joyous, he's more. I don't know, there's another word that was just on the
was just right there, but would never come. Anyway, he's just more. So anyway,
well, I hope that's helpful. Yes, 100%. Yes. Well, this will be in the
Okay, so it'll be a group in the platform, just like the, you know, the rest intensive is, you
know, if you go to the interest rest platform, you know, and where we've been doing all of our stuff
this time, if you go there, and you know, you see the interest rest group, there's going to be one
that says your name, and that you're only you can see it. So each person has their own group,
that's their name. And that's where I'm putting all their transformation sessions. But each person
should only see their name. So that means that only you can see it only have access to this
private transformation session. So anyway, it's your it's like your private, your private homepage
content. So alright, so that's where it'll be when I get it uploaded.
Okay, thank you so much, Ashley. I appreciate it.
You're welcome. Good to see you, Rita.
You too.
All right. Bye.