WEBVTT

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I can't hear you yet.

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Can you hear me now?

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How are you?

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I'm sorry the last time we saw each other you had a headache.

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Are you feeling better?

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I'm sorry.

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I was staring at the computer too long at work.

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I usually get up enough to not get those.

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I'm sorry.

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Do you have to wear those special glasses?

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Are those things real?

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I don't know.

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I told somebody I got them and they said it was fake news.

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I didn't doubt that.

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Maybe they tried them and didn't notice the difference.

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Maybe it's one of those things

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where they measured it and measured the difference.

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I don't know.

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I don't know.

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I don't know.

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I don't know.

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What are you up to these days?

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How have you been?

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I don't know what it is you've been wanting to progress in.

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I don't know.

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I don't know.

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Your dreams, your dancing.

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It works fine.

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It is what it is at this point.

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I'm not.

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I don't know.

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I don't feel like I'm noticing the Lord as much anymore.

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Do you think it's because you feel more secure about it?

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Maybe.

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Everything is fine.

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I don't know.

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Do you think there has been a switch there?

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That's why we do that.

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When everything is fine,

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we feel like everything is good and we don't notice the Lord as much.

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I'm just asking.

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I don't know.

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The discomfort isn't there so I'm not desperate anymore.

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If that makes sense.

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I'm just asking.

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I'm not trying to put anything on you.

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I'm trying to help you figure out if there is anything you need.

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What is going on?

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I don't know.

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What are your thoughts?

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How are you feeling about your life?

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Going to work and coming home and doing bedtime routine.

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Overall,

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let's go 35,000 feet up.

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How do you feel overall?

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Do you feel like you are more secure now?

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Do you feel like you have the potential where you are now?

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Your security in God.

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The fact that you are unconditionally accepted.

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Has there been a big enough change with any of those things?

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Or is it like,

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as much as you'd want, but like, have you noticed enough where it's like, okay, no,

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I want to give Ashley a happy answer.

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this is significant. And this is something that I've been wanting between me and the Lord.

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And I've, I've made significant strides and steps towards it. I'm just trying to get to

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trying to guide you like on like what kind of an, you know, on an answer, like, what are your

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thoughts? It can be anything I'm here to help. So it doesn't have to be a particular answer.

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Mm hmm. Yeah. Um, I feel like, yes, from the very beginning, there's been

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a change in me and accepting myself and accepting, you know,

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that I am loved and all that, but I just feel stagnant again.

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Yeah, so I don't know what's stopping it. I don't know, because I'm in a routine with it,

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or because I'm, I mean, and I feel like I don't remember things until they get brought up later,

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like, like Renata was good at, oh, I just experienced this with the Lord. So I'll put it

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in the chat. And I was like, well, I can't do that. So I should write it down. So I can remember

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more easily. Because there are things that I remember, I'm like, oh, yeah, like,

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but in the moment when I'm just trying to think of my overall feelings or overall,

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I guess, progress, I'm like, I don't know. Like, I don't have like, like a report,

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if that makes sense. I don't know if it's just I have a hard time processing things like that.

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If it's not there, or if it's not written down. Yeah.

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Are you talking about good things or bad things or anything?

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Probably anything, but mostly like the good things with the Lord. Because Yeah, because I do remember

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I was like the last time at work, you know, when you make a mistake or say something dumb,

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and I was just like, really condemning myself. And then the Lord showed me like,

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my mistake actually helped with something else. And I'm like, okay, Lord, I'm like,

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I don't have to go into a dark place and still trust that it's, you know, it's gonna be fine.

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But he just, you know, it's still a small gift. But I was like, I didn't remember that until

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recently. And yeah, and to just kind of share that. I didn't share any journey. So

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I was so bad this time. I'm sorry. Okay, I did. Yeah, I apologize once. Sorry for not journey

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share. You're good. You're good. I am I noticed, though, it really helps people so much when they

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do it as hard as the reason why you didn't do it. Do you know that I've had people not join the rest

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intensive specifically, because they didn't want to have to be vulnerable with each other with

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someone with other people. They told me they were fine with me. But they weren't willing to do it

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with other people like journey shares, or like, doing like the rest groups or anything like that

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they and so they didn't join us with that. I was like, well, it's good to know that.

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It's kind of the point. So anyway, my point is that it's just to, you know, to help a person

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and, and so but it's, it's, you know, I, I gave it up to y'all to each of y'all to determine what

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it is that y'all, you know, wanted to do. And so you notice that Renata was the one who did the most.

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She's the one who chose that for herself. And then Annette did the next most, I think, at least,

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you know, you know, this round and all of that. And that's what it is that they choose. So it

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helps each person, you know, but it's something that each person just kind of has to choose,

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you know, for them, whether or not, you know, it's something that they're,

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that they are ready for. So anyway, it's there for y'all. So that I hope that I hope listening

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to everybody else's was encouraging. Oh, yeah, always. Yeah. Oh, good. Good. Yeah. I've always

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found them to be just exceptionally powerful, not just the person doing it. But the multiplication

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effects from people writing down their experience, like say, for instance, you know, though I posted

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in this

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time, I like I reposted three journey shares from the past,

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one from Carrie Byler, one from Susan Spitzman, Fleming

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Spitzman, and then the other one from Alana Palm. And you

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noticed that, that one of the reasons why each of them were

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so powerful is they had gone through some major thing

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between them and the Lord. And then they, they were very kind

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of like detailed slash expressive in writing it out,

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like they kind of wrote out a bit more, they fleshed out what

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they were experiencing. And then it just kind of helps solidify

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it even more. But then what I was able to do is even though,

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you know, they haven't been active in the rest intensive in

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a very long time. You know, they are all they are, I can attest

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to the fact that they're all still living it. And, and

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anyway, it bit them and what it is their experience and what

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they went through, allow is just has a multiplication effect and

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the fact that it affected the people that read it. And then

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here we are like almost two years later from the fact from

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where each one of those ladies wrote those, and I read and I

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happened to repost them, you know, in this group, and then

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it just helped everybody this time, because I want people to

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know that, that it's not just me who has that God interacts like

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that with that, that he that those things happen because of

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him, not because of the individual, so to speak. Yeah,

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the individual has chosen to believe that God really is that

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in other words, they finally got to receive it that then

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therefore they got to experience it. But God is that same God

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with everyone. And, and so I get really excited to when other

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when people share what it is that they're going through, so

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that others can be encouraged that, okay, so it's for me, too.

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It's not just for Ashley, because it happened for so and

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so, and so and so and so and so. And literally, it happens to

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everybody that steps out, you know, to x, y degree, you know,

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to every single person that steps out to x degree to get x

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from God, and everybody steps out to y degree gets y from God

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or whatever. And I want them to know that, hey, you know, it's

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just available for everyone. So anyway, I'm really glad to hear

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that the journey shares were really, were really helpful. And

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and because I've learned that they're so helpful to people,

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I've decided to figure out, hopefully, I can I can do this

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as I have time to go through and kind of like categorize them,

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the ones in the past, because like, specifically, like, okay,

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which ones are talking about God's goodness, or which ones

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are talking about, you know, God's faithfulness, or which

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ones are talking about God's protection, or his provision,

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or his whatever, so that when those topics or questions or

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struggles come up, in each rest intensive, I can pull up some

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of those from the past and say, Okay, here are some past journey

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shares that have people that have specifically experienced

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that with the Lord that struggled with that

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characteristic of God. And here's what they experienced

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when they believed God really was the thing that it didn't

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look like he was in their life that they weren't experiencing

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in their life. And they chose that he was other than what they

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were experiencing. And then that changed the air experience

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that they got. So anyway, I'm, I'm glad to get the feedback

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that all of that is helpful, because it just kind of like

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affirms to me that, yeah, that's a good thing for me to kind of

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like see what I can categorize, so I can know which ones are

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helpful to pull in and bring up and, and just kind of like

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continue to encourage people. And so, so that everyone can

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kind of like build on and build on and stand on the shoulders of

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those who've gone before and like on your shoulders, and you

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are so helpful, you know, this, this, this group, people so

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appreciated the fact that you've gone before and they're like,

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Okay, all right. So, you know, Rita's done this before. And,

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and they, it was it was a Karen who said that she was in a rest

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group or something with you. And she was like, she just decided

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that maybe you need to do a little teaching or you need to

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delete it or something because you knew more than they did. I

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was like, this is great. Exactly. I thought that was

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great. Or maybe it was Diana. So one of them said it Diana Garza

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or Karen, one of them said it. So or maybe one said it and the

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other affirmed it. And that's why I'm remembering both. But

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anyway, so and I've noticed a huge difference in you huge

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difference than you since you started and you know

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Um, I know that, uh, I know that Tammy has, and I simply know that because

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she joined the rest intensive, she wouldn't have done that if, you know,

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if you would just, if she hadn't noticed any difference other than, Oh, I think,

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yeah, I think the group, I think the group is nice, you know, cause $995 is

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nothing to sneeze at for someone to kind of like risk everything on, but she's

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like, okay, if, if this can impact Rita, like this, I want what Rita has.

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So anyway, see multiplication, who cares about your new shares?

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You're, you're changing other people.

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Anyway, so, um, anything else coming up about like, I don't know, any questions

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or how are just, um, are you just overall, are you, um, concerned about

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anything, um, any, I don't know, or is there anything you'd like to share

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as any, any hope that you're now feeling in a significant way, or I don't know.

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I mean, anything you're wondering about, about how to move forward and, and, um,

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and rest in the Lord in a particular area or I don't know how anything.

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Yes.

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How to move forward.

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I'm like, am I supposed to stay six years old for a while?

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Yeah.

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Um, I mean, I feel like everything's good and I don't know if I just need to like

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enjoy it because I've never, you know, like been at a place where I was like

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comfortable financially and like emotionally, like got healthy friends,

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healthy community and just like, all right, Lord, it, um, but I, I do want to

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experience him more.

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I know I'm not supposed to chase the experience, but I was like, I want to,

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um, yeah, but so lately, even though I haven't been feeling like anything has

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changed much or whatever, I mean, it's not negative, so that's good, but I'm

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like, all right, Lord, I'm choosing that you're here with me and you're

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enjoying this thing with me.

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And I just, you know, and that's just kind of, um, where I'm at now

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is just like, I'm going to choose it.

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And, um, yeah, I, I think, actually, I think I just need to do more of that

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though, to, um, it do what the choosing that he is, what, sorry, I'm getting

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some tea.

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I'm so thirsty.

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It's not even funny.

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I had salty barbecue first and apparently it was a lot of salt and not enough water.

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No, you're good.

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Um, yeah, yeah.

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Cause I'm like, where are you, Lord?

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I guess I'm just going to choose your hair and you're going to drive in the car with

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me, enjoy this time with me.

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And we're just, you know, and then just kind of go continue just going about that

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way and just, um, but I would like to experience or feel it more, even though

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I feel like I'm choosing it because I'm not, because I'm not feeling it.

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Um, um, well, okay.

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So what it is that you, that it's very important to do is to choose it, um, to

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choose it and not the experience.

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So that all sounds easy, but it's, but it also hits, um, it can hit a nerve and be

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like, yeah, but that's not what he wants.

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Trust me.

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I know.

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So what I'm telling you is not the nice biblical answer.

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I'm telling you what actually works because not only I, but other people, um,

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that I've walked through this, that were desperate enough that they did it.

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It worked for them too.

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And they're like, okay, they're there.

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And finally, yes, it actually does work.

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Like the thing I don't want to do, or the thing that hurts because I felt like I'm

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letting go of what it is that I want actually gets what, um, and that is that

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you let go of the experience and, um, let me see if I can describe that.

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Sorry.

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I'm in the middle of like getting all this tea.

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I am so thirsty.

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It's not funny.

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Um, uh, so, okay.

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For instance, let me, I know that I'm, I'm just using this as an example.

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So this is kind of like kicking us off topic just to just a little bit.

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But, um, several years ago, I think it was about 12 years ago.

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It was actually 13 years ago.

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Um, I was asking the Lord if I should go on a particular mission trip and it

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cost a lot of money that I didn't have.

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And, um, like I literally did not have the money.

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But I felt like I should go and I wanted to go and all of that, but I was concerned that

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I wasn't hearing the Lord.

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And what I didn't realize I was doing is because I was so desperate to hear the Lord and desperate

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to have an answer, I was actually resisting being able to hear him.

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So I couldn't get that clarity.

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And again, this is 13 years ago, way before I knew about rest or anything.

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And I was basically tormented for about two weeks, asking, Lord, should I, should I not?

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Is this what you want?

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I don't really know.

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I just want you, I just want to do what you want me to do, Lord.

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All of that desperateness to hear from him and to get the right answer, and Lord, what

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should I do?

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And I went up front one day at the front of the church because they were offering prayer

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for people.

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And I said, so I have a question for the Lord and I don't know how to get the answer.

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So I didn't tell him what it was about, but I just told him I had a question for the Lord.

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And so they closed their eyes and they were praying and the person said, oh, and I'm seeing

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and say that they literally started describing the scene that I had been in just the night

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before with multiple people.

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They began to describe it and I'm like, okay, they're on point.

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They're hearing from Lord.

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So I'm like, okay, this is good.

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So it kind of like gave me a little bit, it gave me some assurance.

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And then they said, okay, what I'm hearing from the Lord is that you need to stop hearing

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or you need to stop pursuing God.

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You need to stop pursuing the answer from God.

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You just need to pursue him, pursue him and not the answer.

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So it's similar to pursuing him and not the experience.

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And because I'm thinking that the answer is, well, God, I just want to know what your will

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is.

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I just want to do what you want me to do.

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And really that we're separating God from what he's asking us to do.

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And so we're giving up God in favor of, you know, peace, the actual himself that he would

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rather us have.

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And we're saying, God, just let me tell me what to do and I will do it, which is what

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the Israelites, you know, said that they would rather have said, you know, no, Moses, you

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go in here, God, for us and just tell us what to do and we'll do it.

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And so I was like, okay, that's really not what I wanted to hear because I'm wanting

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an answer.

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Lord, I need an answer because I have to give it to someone so that I'm going to go on this

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mission trip and do that.

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And I need to make sure I get the money.

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And I'm thinking, I've got deadlines.

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I've got a reason why I need to know the answer, whatnot.

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And so I'm, in other words, I'm thinking, Lord, I'm holding a legitimate reason before

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you.

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It's not some like ethereal far off in the future, God, what am I going to do with them?

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What am I going to do in my life?

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This is a deadline, you know, and I had to just, I had to just give it up.

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So I don't remember if I tried to do it then, but I was like, well, okay, apparently I need

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to do this.

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And I struggled doing it.

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Finally, I don't remember how many days later I was in my apartment and I remembered what

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that person had said.

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And I'm like, okay, God, I'm going to do it.

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And I'm not somebody who turns on worship music in the house and worships to the Lord

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in my home.

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It's probably something that I should do.

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It's just not, it's just not something I do.

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So I'm always in awe of people that say, oh, you know how you just turn on worship music

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in the middle of the day and you just start worshiping the Lord.

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No, I don't know what you're talking about.

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So I'm just not one of those people that has historically done that, but I decided

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to do that that evening.

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I'm like, okay, God, because I was trying to think, how do I, how do I obey God?

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He's saying to choose him and not the answer.

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So in to seek, that's what it was to seek him and not the answer.

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And so it's like, well, I don't know how to do that.

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Like how do I step out into that?

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And so I was like, okay, well, I'll worship, surely that's seeking God.

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So I turn on worship music and I'm telling you what, within probably 15, I think it was

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15 seconds, maybe it was 30.

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I'm worshiping God.

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I let go of the answer.

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I stopped asking him.

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And within 15 to 30 seconds, he answers me.

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I'm like, okay, as soon as I let it go.

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And of course, now I realize that part of that is because I'm resisting, you know, hearing

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the Lord and how am I resisting by choosing the answer instead of.

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God. And so it's the same thing, you know, with an experience. It's like, Lord, I want something

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from you. I want to be able to feel a particular way in order to convince myself that I'm safe,

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that I'm loved, I'm protected, that what you say is true. So a lot of times what we're doing

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unintentionally and subconsciously is we're seeking an experience as our evidence that we

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want to build our faith on to finally believe God. And God's like, no, abandon seeking proof,

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abandon seeking the experience, you know, and choose me in order to experience me because I'm

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not going to give myself to you until you open yourself to receive me and stop resisting me.

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Because it will give you, I kind of mixed all that up. He's already given himself to us,

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but he's like, you can't receive me. And I'm definitely not going to force my way in

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because I need to be invited and welcomed in by you being, excuse me, by you being vulnerable,

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opening yourself up to me, being vulnerable. Then I know that you will fully and unconditionally

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accept me as I choose to express and to reveal myself. Then you're experiencing me, but asking

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in a manner of speaking, ask for us to ask God, ask to experience God without choosing him.

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In other words, using this as a condition on which we continue to choose him. Or like,

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like, say for instance, you're continuing to choose him. I'm continuing to choose him,

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and I still haven't gotten the experience or whatever, because, but so what that's doing

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is that still taking the lack of experience in accusation against God and holding that against

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God. And so even though we're continuing to choose him, we're continuing to resist him,

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meaning that we're not actually choosing him. So what we're doing

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is we're doing the, we're doing what I was explaining actually to somebody else.

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Was it today or yesterday? I was explaining this.

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Maybe it was last night. I was explaining as, yeah, it was, it was last night. So,

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cause I was talking to somebody else on a transformation session and they had this,

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it wasn't this exact thing, but it was something like this. And they were like, well, why isn't

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this happening? You know, why isn't these things, these promises that God made to me,

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why isn't it happening? Same thing like this, you know, this experience that I want to have

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with the Lord, why isn't it happening? And I said, well, that's happened to me too.

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And here's what I discovered. I discovered that not only do we kind of lock down if we're like,

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if say, for instance, we're wanting something from God, we can be doing one of two things to

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that's creating resistance against him. We can either be holding strongly and tightly onto

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something and saying, okay, God, you know what I'm going to be, I'm going to submit,

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I'm going to surrender. I'm going to give you verbal permission to come and tear it away from

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me. And that's my surrender, you know? So there's that, but then there's also the thing where we're

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not actually holding onto anything, but we've got our protective walls up and then we're saying,

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okay, God, I'm surrendering by giving you permission to come down and like tear down

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all of my protective walls that I've built up while I at the same time and continuing to hold

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them up and try to protect myself from you, but I'm giving you permission to come in and overpower

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me. So we'll be in a battle Lord, but I give you permission to overpower me and topple down my

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protective walls. And, and God's like, well, I'm not going to do that. So it's the same thing,

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whether we're holding tight to something and telling God, God, I'll let you rip it from my

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hands. Or we're, we've got a protective wall around us and we're, and we're, um, you know,

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pushing out. We're like, no, no, no. You know, like pushing against the wall, like, okay,

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no, no, I'm going to keep this thing up. And I'm not going to let God in either way. It's

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that resistance to being able to receive them. And God's like, no, no, no. What, when I,

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what I require of surrender is, as you've heard me say many times, is Abraham taking Isaac

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where Abraham was the, all God did was he said, sacrifice your son, Isaac to me.

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It was a command. It was an invitation. It was a directive, but that is all he said.

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Abraham on the other is the one who at a very, very, very old age, I mean,

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way past a hundred by this point, he, he is the one who had to give directions to the servants.

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tell Sarah, whatever it is that he had to figure out

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what he was going to tell her.

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And they are the servants and Isaac.

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And then as a very old man, take a three-day journey.

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Then tell him to all stop.

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And then only he, as a very old man,

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plus Isaac, climb Mount Moriah.

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And then at some point, stop and build an altar,

390
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put his son on the altar,

391
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and then have to explain it to Isaac at some point in there,

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you know, what he was doing.

393
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I mean, so Abraham is the one who then had to do everything

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to take the thing to God.

395
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So it's not like, okay, God,

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my permission is for you to come at me and to take it away

397
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or to tear down my walls of resistance or whatever,

398
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you know, and that's my surrender.

399
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The surrender is we have to come and offer ourselves,

400
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offer the parts of ourselves that, you know,

401
00:30:53.160 --> 00:30:56.420
that emotional vulnerability that I talk about,

402
00:30:57.360 --> 00:30:58.740
put ourselves complete on the altar,

403
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let go of it, back off and walk away.

404
00:31:02.660 --> 00:31:05.960
And entrust that thing to God himself.

405
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That is faith where we're like, okay, God,

406
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if you say you are that,

407
00:31:09.860 --> 00:31:13.960
then I am going to act on it by risking everything

408
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on the fact that you are who you say that you are.

409
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And that's hard.

410
00:31:19.420 --> 00:31:23.620
And so that is what fondly will allow us

411
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to receive the thing that we're wanting from the Lord

412
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is to fondly give it up.

413
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Meaning like, I don't mean just giving up

414
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the desire for experience.

415
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I'm talking about giving up the,

416
00:31:37.540 --> 00:31:40.580
all of the resistance that we have against him.

417
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Because as you've mentioned, you know,

418
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in our timeline, for instance, you know, with Ed,

419
00:31:46.780 --> 00:31:48.660
with the personal minister, you had mentioned,

420
00:31:48.660 --> 00:31:50.260
you know, that your experience, you know,

421
00:31:50.260 --> 00:31:52.820
with your father growing up, with your mother,

422
00:31:52.820 --> 00:31:54.380
I'm sure that there have been other people,

423
00:31:54.380 --> 00:31:56.900
maybe your ex-husband, you know, different people.

424
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And I'm sure that there have been other people than that,

425
00:31:59.180 --> 00:32:01.700
teachers, Sunday school teachers, or whatever.

426
00:32:01.700 --> 00:32:03.220
We all have these people,

427
00:32:03.220 --> 00:32:07.620
these people that had more power than we did,

428
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that gave us an idea that taught us what we could,

429
00:32:12.020 --> 00:32:14.360
that taught us basically how to interact

430
00:32:14.360 --> 00:32:17.680
with someone that had something that we wanted,

431
00:32:17.680 --> 00:32:19.820
that had control over us.

432
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And we taught ourselves how to interact with that.

433
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And usually what we tend to do is,

434
00:32:25.420 --> 00:32:27.980
unless we're going to go into manipulation,

435
00:32:27.980 --> 00:32:31.940
we choose to protect ourselves by just closing off.

436
00:32:31.940 --> 00:32:34.380
And then just, and then just hunkering down

437
00:32:34.380 --> 00:32:36.300
and just waiting for the storm to pass,

438
00:32:36.300 --> 00:32:40.180
or hoping that they notice as little of us as possible.

439
00:32:40.180 --> 00:32:43.540
And with God, he's saying that he's the opposite

440
00:32:43.540 --> 00:32:45.780
of what we've experienced.

441
00:32:45.780 --> 00:32:49.060
And that is very, very, very hard to fall into

442
00:32:49.060 --> 00:32:53.020
because it feels like you're falling into the fire.

443
00:32:53.020 --> 00:32:55.940
It feels like you were directly throwing yourself

444
00:32:55.940 --> 00:33:00.420
into the place of experienced unsafety.

445
00:33:00.420 --> 00:33:02.940
Like you've actually experienced it

446
00:33:02.940 --> 00:33:05.020
and had it affirmed to you over and over and over

447
00:33:05.020 --> 00:33:06.940
and over and over and over and over.

448
00:33:06.940 --> 00:33:11.540
And God's saying, do it, do it into me.

449
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In other words, him, fall into me.

450
00:33:13.740 --> 00:33:16.260
So that's why I talk about that place

451
00:33:16.260 --> 00:33:19.060
where you don't want to go, go to that place with him.

452
00:33:19.060 --> 00:33:21.060
You know, like for instance, when I say,

453
00:33:21.940 --> 00:33:26.580
I think I mentioned this in the love affair session

454
00:33:26.580 --> 00:33:29.140
where I talked about the exercise of like,

455
00:33:29.140 --> 00:33:31.180
going to Jesus and looking in his eyes,

456
00:33:31.180 --> 00:33:34.300
and then you'll feel that feeling of like love

457
00:33:34.300 --> 00:33:37.620
or his presence or whatever it is that you experience.

458
00:33:37.620 --> 00:33:42.340
And I talk about the fact that you'll feel very exposed.

459
00:33:42.340 --> 00:33:44.980
Whatever it is that you're feeling when you're with him,

460
00:33:44.980 --> 00:33:46.700
you'll feel very exposed

461
00:33:46.700 --> 00:33:49.180
and you'll feel like you finally hit a wall.

462
00:33:49.180 --> 00:33:51.740
You keep, you kind of move into it as much as you can

463
00:33:51.740 --> 00:33:53.380
and all of a sudden you feel this wall.

464
00:33:53.380 --> 00:33:54.820
And you're like, okay.

465
00:33:54.820 --> 00:33:56.700
And it feels kind of like you're stepping on the edge of it.

466
00:33:56.700 --> 00:33:58.820
You're on the edge of a precipice

467
00:33:58.820 --> 00:34:01.660
where you're going to fall not only into oblivion,

468
00:34:01.660 --> 00:34:04.780
but in that oblivion is a fire.

469
00:34:04.780 --> 00:34:05.780
And that's what it feels like

470
00:34:05.780 --> 00:34:07.820
you're going to actually fall into.

471
00:34:07.820 --> 00:34:10.659
It feels like in a way that you're falling to your death

472
00:34:10.659 --> 00:34:13.380
and that there's no going back.

473
00:34:13.380 --> 00:34:16.139
That's what it feels like to me is like,

474
00:34:16.139 --> 00:34:20.340
oh no, I can't dip my toe in that.

475
00:34:20.340 --> 00:34:23.940
I have to, once I'm gone, I'm gone.

476
00:34:23.940 --> 00:34:27.699
Like there's no, oh, oops, this didn't work out.

477
00:34:27.699 --> 00:34:28.820
Let's scramble back.

478
00:34:28.820 --> 00:34:32.980
There's no foothold to scramble back to.

479
00:34:32.980 --> 00:34:34.219
And that's what I've learned

480
00:34:34.219 --> 00:34:38.340
that you have to learn to fall into in God.

481
00:34:38.340 --> 00:34:41.420
And you have to go to that place that feels unsafe

482
00:34:41.420 --> 00:34:44.739
and fall into that place that feels like death.

483
00:34:44.739 --> 00:34:46.139
Now you're falling into God.

484
00:34:46.139 --> 00:34:47.540
You're not falling into oblivion.

485
00:34:47.540 --> 00:34:48.699
You're not falling into the devil.

486
00:34:48.699 --> 00:34:50.659
You're not falling into something weird.

487
00:34:50.659 --> 00:34:52.820
You're actually focused on God.

488
00:34:52.820 --> 00:34:54.540
You're going into him.

489
00:34:54.540 --> 00:34:56.219
You're trying to experience him more.

490
00:34:56.219 --> 00:34:59.020
You're trying to, in your spirit, get closer to him.

491
00:34:59.020 --> 00:35:00.020
And then.

492
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:09.680
And then you run into this hesitation and then you choose, okay, instead of acting on survival

493
00:35:09.680 --> 00:35:16.000
instinct and going into survival mode, which is what I've always done, I'm literally going to do,

494
00:35:17.120 --> 00:35:23.040
how would you express that? You do the opposite, but there's a way to express that.

495
00:35:23.040 --> 00:35:29.200
It's almost like you're going to, it feels, here's what it feels like. It feels like you're

496
00:35:29.200 --> 00:35:39.120
committing suicide. And we've so much tried to avoid that our whole life in all these other

497
00:35:39.120 --> 00:35:45.440
areas that we felt unsafe in. We're like, we do whatever the heck we have to do to protect

498
00:35:45.440 --> 00:35:52.000
ourselves and to keep into, and to survive. But for this, for me, it feels like I very

499
00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:57.120
intentionally focus on the fire, very intentionally focus on that oblivion,

500
00:35:57.120 --> 00:36:03.200
very intentionally focus on that place that feels the most unsafe and fall into it.

501
00:36:03.200 --> 00:36:10.720
Like I focus on it and intentionally dive and then God catches me, but he won't. I don't know

502
00:36:10.720 --> 00:36:17.760
that he's going to catch me until I fall into it and experience being caught. That's when I know.

503
00:36:18.400 --> 00:36:27.200
So the powerful thing about that is we learn something about God because we experience him

504
00:36:27.200 --> 00:36:35.520
doing it. But the way we experienced it is we actually committed ourselves fully to it

505
00:36:36.080 --> 00:36:43.040
where there was no plan B. There was no way to, there was no way to recover from it. That's what

506
00:36:43.040 --> 00:36:48.560
I'm trying to say. There's no way to recover from the decision. There's no way to recover from the

507
00:36:48.560 --> 00:36:57.920
action. It's gone. It's done. Any other, any other plan B or chance is, you know, has, you know,

508
00:36:58.160 --> 00:37:06.320
it's gone. It's, it's just no longer available. And so, and that's when we finally experience

509
00:37:06.320 --> 00:37:12.880
God the way that we want to, as opposed to staying on the cliff and wanting God and wanting to

510
00:37:12.880 --> 00:37:19.920
experience God. God's like, no, you experienced me. In other words, you experienced that intimacy

511
00:37:19.920 --> 00:37:26.720
after that vulnerability. Anyway, so is any of this making sense at all? Is there any questions

512
00:37:26.720 --> 00:37:39.200
in there? Yeah, no, it makes sense. Have you ever been to that place? I thought that you said that

513
00:37:39.200 --> 00:37:45.440
you had a few different times months. You've done it before you, when you were lying in that bed,

514
00:37:45.440 --> 00:37:54.000
lying in bed. Yes. Didn't you say you did it? Well, I told him that I was like, I told him I

515
00:37:54.000 --> 00:38:01.360
didn't want to fall. And so he just like suspended me and yeah, it was, yeah, it was different. I

516
00:38:01.360 --> 00:38:09.680
didn't, I guess I wasn't ready. Well, that's sweet. So, and that's another thing is allowing

517
00:38:09.680 --> 00:38:18.240
God to meet you where you are and what you're ready for. So just know that when you're finally

518
00:38:18.240 --> 00:38:25.280
ready, then, and you're finally are, are desperate enough. You're finally yearning so much for it

519
00:38:25.920 --> 00:38:35.120
that, that again, how would I put it? That, that you'll have to actually do the hard thing

520
00:38:36.240 --> 00:38:45.840
if you want it, if you really want to finally have it. So and if you just are to the point

521
00:38:45.840 --> 00:38:53.840
where you're like, yeah, but I'm just not, I'm just not ready yet to actually go through the

522
00:38:53.840 --> 00:39:02.400
thing in order to get it, then you just don't want it badly enough right now. And so God,

523
00:39:02.400 --> 00:39:08.160
and that's what happened there. And you asked God to meet you where you were. And because he's a

524
00:39:08.160 --> 00:39:15.520
loving father, knowing where you are, he's like, sure, sure. I'll meet you there. But so he's very

525
00:39:15.520 --> 00:39:23.280
gentle with us. He's very loving. He didn't condemn you or anything, but so you, you got to experience

526
00:39:23.280 --> 00:39:29.760
that staying where you are doesn't bring condemnation. You then got to experience God's

527
00:39:29.760 --> 00:39:36.560
lack of condemnation and his love and him meeting you where it is you are. But what we don't get

528
00:39:37.440 --> 00:39:44.560
is what actually going through with it and falling into him gets us. So you got to experience

529
00:39:44.560 --> 00:39:50.320
something very special from the Lord. So just when you're ready though, and so now you know that,

530
00:39:50.320 --> 00:39:54.640
now you know that, hey, you know what? God is that good. God is that loving towards me.

531
00:39:55.360 --> 00:39:59.920
He's that non-condemning. He's, and so he's that embracing.

532
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.720
same. So no matter where it is that I am on the journey, I can

533
00:40:03.720 --> 00:40:09.000
expect that God is kind. I can expect God to be kind to me. And

534
00:40:09.000 --> 00:40:12.480
remember that, and I've been talking about this a few times

535
00:40:12.480 --> 00:40:21.200
this past weekend. And the fact that Graham Cook says that if he

536
00:40:21.200 --> 00:40:27.280
could tell any if he could tell people only one thing about God,

537
00:40:28.000 --> 00:40:30.840
so that they would know and understand at least one thing

538
00:40:30.840 --> 00:40:34.760
about God, he was asked, What would that be? And he told them

539
00:40:34.960 --> 00:40:40.560
that God is the kindest person I've ever met. So you can know

540
00:40:40.800 --> 00:40:43.640
that I mean, out of all of the things that Graham Cook knows

541
00:40:43.640 --> 00:40:46.160
about the Lord and all these wild spiritual experiences that

542
00:40:46.160 --> 00:40:49.320
he's had, and he could only tell somebody one thing, that's the

543
00:40:49.320 --> 00:40:53.760
thing he chooses, is that that they would understand that God

544
00:40:54.120 --> 00:41:00.280
is so extraordinarily kind, that he's the kindest being I've ever

545
00:41:00.280 --> 00:41:04.160
met. So see, you've experienced that, then instead of

546
00:41:04.160 --> 00:41:06.760
condemnation, when you're like, God, I can't do it. Will you

547
00:41:06.760 --> 00:41:11.080
please meet me where I am? Will you please father me into this?

548
00:41:11.560 --> 00:41:14.760
Not throw me into the deep end of the pool and I can't swim.

549
00:41:15.000 --> 00:41:18.080
Would you father me there? It's like, sure, I'll father you

550
00:41:18.080 --> 00:41:21.960
there. Where are you? Okay, I'll stand with you right now. I'll

551
00:41:21.960 --> 00:41:24.720
meet you where you are, you know, he didn't leave you alone.

552
00:41:24.720 --> 00:41:28.760
And you're like, well, I'm over here. And so whenever you want

553
00:41:28.760 --> 00:41:32.680
me, I'm over here. And yeah, and I sure I won't condemn you, but

554
00:41:32.680 --> 00:41:36.400
I won't be with you either. He didn't do that. Okay. It's like,

555
00:41:36.400 --> 00:41:39.080
Okay, sure. This is where you are. And this is where I will be

556
00:41:39.080 --> 00:41:44.840
too. But whenever you're ready for more, it'll require that

557
00:41:44.840 --> 00:41:49.880
more. So you experienced the perfect thing, that wherever it

558
00:41:49.880 --> 00:41:54.120
is that you were, God was kind, he didn't condemn, he met you,

559
00:41:54.160 --> 00:41:58.560
he loved you. And he actually came to and was present with

560
00:41:58.560 --> 00:42:01.320
you. While you were there. He's like, Okay, then this is where

561
00:42:01.320 --> 00:42:06.640
we're going to be. So and then if you want more of him, if you

562
00:42:06.640 --> 00:42:09.920
want him to a deeper measure, if you want to experience a deeper

563
00:42:09.920 --> 00:42:13.920
intimacy of his presence, deeper intimacy of the other, well,

564
00:42:13.920 --> 00:42:20.760
then you'll have to say yes, when in the past you said no. So

565
00:42:20.760 --> 00:42:24.680
in other words, you'll have to say yes, in an area that you've

566
00:42:24.680 --> 00:42:28.960
never ever said yes before. And so that's going to take you into

567
00:42:28.960 --> 00:42:31.680
new territory. And that's stretching. And that is

568
00:42:31.680 --> 00:42:36.480
terrifying. There's a reason why you've said no. And so when you

569
00:42:36.480 --> 00:42:40.160
say yes, you're going to be moving into an unknown, you're

570
00:42:40.160 --> 00:42:42.280
going to be moving into someplace you have never been

571
00:42:42.280 --> 00:42:45.680
before. And so it's not like, Oh, I've been here before. And

572
00:42:45.680 --> 00:42:48.920
I remember that. And that's really hard. And it's scary. And

573
00:42:48.920 --> 00:42:52.960
I'd rather not. But you know what, you know, if I if I have

574
00:42:52.960 --> 00:42:55.560
to say yes, at least I've done it before. This is that I have

575
00:42:55.560 --> 00:42:59.240
never seen what's on the other side of that. Yes. You know, and

576
00:42:59.240 --> 00:43:02.640
so then you do it. So and then you're going to have to do that.

577
00:43:03.040 --> 00:43:09.560
When you decide that that's how much you want of God. So what we

578
00:43:09.560 --> 00:43:13.480
always risk though, is we always risk Yeah, but is there

579
00:43:13.480 --> 00:43:16.800
really something on the other side of that? Yes. Will God

580
00:43:16.800 --> 00:43:20.760
really meet me? That's what we're always risking. If we knew

581
00:43:20.760 --> 00:43:26.120
that it was there, we would do it. But there's something in us

582
00:43:26.120 --> 00:43:30.960
that makes us wonder Yeah, but are we sure? So that's the thing

583
00:43:30.960 --> 00:43:33.640
and that's the risk. And that's what faith is. God says risk

584
00:43:33.640 --> 00:43:37.280
yourself on the fact that what I always tell you about myself

585
00:43:37.280 --> 00:43:41.320
really is true. Risk that I always tell you the truth. And

586
00:43:41.320 --> 00:43:45.360
that if I said that I wouldn't there, if I if I said that I'm

587
00:43:45.360 --> 00:43:48.240
on the other side of that, yes, if I said that I'm going to give

588
00:43:48.240 --> 00:43:51.200
this much of myself on the other side of that, yes, if I said

589
00:43:51.200 --> 00:43:54.880
that I'm going to catch you, you know, believe out in faith and

590
00:43:54.880 --> 00:44:01.200
then act on the fact that that what what I say really is true.

591
00:44:01.560 --> 00:44:03.640
You have to actually put your money where your mouth is and

592
00:44:03.640 --> 00:44:07.720
actually act on it, which burns all your bridges. There's no

593
00:44:07.720 --> 00:44:12.440
scrambling back, there is no plan B, there's no do over, you

594
00:44:12.440 --> 00:44:16.840
done it, you know, and then God's like, you believed me. And

595
00:44:16.840 --> 00:44:21.160
you risk yourself on nothing, but me and the fact that I said

596
00:44:21.160 --> 00:44:24.120
it. So and then that gives you something at the Lord. So

597
00:44:24.120 --> 00:44:27.480
anyway, the thing is, whatever it is that you choose, God's

598
00:44:27.480 --> 00:44:30.240
always there. He's not condemning. And then just always

599
00:44:30.240 --> 00:44:33.440
know that whenever you want something more, it'll require

600
00:44:33.440 --> 00:44:37.360
that yes, when you've been saying no. So at least you know

601
00:44:37.360 --> 00:44:41.760
that your no is God meets you there. He's like, okay, that's

602
00:44:41.760 --> 00:44:45.920
where we are then. So because you've already arrived,

603
00:44:46.080 --> 00:44:47.000
remember, huh?

604
00:44:47.600 --> 00:44:52.520
So am I saying no to him or no to the other side? Or is that

605
00:44:52.520 --> 00:44:53.960
the same thing? Like?

606
00:44:56.680 --> 00:45:00.000
It's the same thing. Yeah. It's the

607
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.280
because he is what we're gaining.

608
00:45:03.400 --> 00:45:06.320
We're gaining more of himself.

609
00:45:06.320 --> 00:45:08.600
We're gaining more of,

610
00:45:08.600 --> 00:45:10.840
see, that's what the inheritance is.

611
00:45:10.840 --> 00:45:14.200
The inheritance is piece and parcel of himself.

612
00:45:14.200 --> 00:45:16.080
He has all of these things that he talks about

613
00:45:16.080 --> 00:45:17.600
that are in the inheritance,

614
00:45:17.600 --> 00:45:19.160
like spirit, guest and spirit,

615
00:45:19.160 --> 00:45:21.720
and, you know, guest and spirit,

616
00:45:21.720 --> 00:45:25.480
fruits of the spirit, rest, all of that stuff.

617
00:45:25.480 --> 00:45:27.200
Those are literally all pieces,

618
00:45:27.200 --> 00:45:29.840
piece and parcel of God himself.

619
00:45:29.840 --> 00:45:33.040
And of his spirit that he's giving us.

620
00:45:33.040 --> 00:45:35.080
And to, I don't know,

621
00:45:36.480 --> 00:45:38.760
for us to just, to support us,

622
00:45:38.760 --> 00:45:41.120
and that we can enjoy, et cetera.

623
00:45:41.120 --> 00:45:44.560
They've come from him.

624
00:45:44.560 --> 00:45:49.080
And anyway, so, and he's,

625
00:45:49.080 --> 00:45:51.000
and what it is that is required

626
00:45:51.000 --> 00:45:53.440
in order to receive more of him

627
00:45:53.440 --> 00:45:56.320
is to actually believe what he said.

628
00:45:56.320 --> 00:45:58.880
And remember what Chris Blackaby says,

629
00:45:58.880 --> 00:46:02.520
you know, that belief is God's love language.

630
00:46:02.520 --> 00:46:04.560
So when we believe God,

631
00:46:04.560 --> 00:46:06.240
when we believe his word,

632
00:46:06.240 --> 00:46:07.880
when we believe what he says,

633
00:46:07.880 --> 00:46:11.360
we're actually receiving piece and parcel of God there.

634
00:46:11.360 --> 00:46:13.880
Something he said is actually piece and parcel of God.

635
00:46:13.880 --> 00:46:18.040
We're receiving that and he feels loved

636
00:46:18.040 --> 00:46:21.440
because what we, it's not the fact that we believed him,

637
00:46:21.440 --> 00:46:24.760
it's the fact that we received him into ourselves

638
00:46:24.760 --> 00:46:27.640
and allowed him to enter us

639
00:46:27.640 --> 00:46:31.960
because that takes our sacrifice and vulnerability

640
00:46:31.960 --> 00:46:35.600
to bring him into us.

641
00:46:35.600 --> 00:46:38.400
So that's what it is that we're saying no to

642
00:46:38.400 --> 00:46:41.160
is when we're saying no to what he's inviting us

643
00:46:41.160 --> 00:46:42.960
to believe about him,

644
00:46:42.960 --> 00:46:46.640
we're saying no to that truth,

645
00:46:46.640 --> 00:46:47.840
that thing that he said,

646
00:46:47.840 --> 00:46:49.400
that word that he's calling us to believe

647
00:46:49.400 --> 00:46:51.720
since word is piece and parcel of himself.

648
00:46:51.720 --> 00:46:54.600
If we're saying, no, I don't believe that.

649
00:46:54.600 --> 00:46:56.800
No, I can't have faith in that.

650
00:46:56.840 --> 00:46:58.120
And then act on that.

651
00:46:58.120 --> 00:47:00.000
I don't believe it's reality.

652
00:47:00.000 --> 00:47:05.000
I can't, you know, I can't actually like,

653
00:47:05.400 --> 00:47:08.400
yeah, I just can't actually accept that as reality.

654
00:47:08.400 --> 00:47:10.960
We're rejecting God himself

655
00:47:10.960 --> 00:47:13.840
because that word is God himself.

656
00:47:13.840 --> 00:47:15.720
So we're rejecting it.

657
00:47:15.720 --> 00:47:17.200
So that's what it is.

658
00:47:17.200 --> 00:47:18.840
God has patience for us and all of that,

659
00:47:18.840 --> 00:47:20.200
but that's what it is that we're doing.

660
00:47:20.200 --> 00:47:21.760
And that's why I believe,

661
00:47:21.760 --> 00:47:24.440
that's why God says that it's without faith,

662
00:47:24.440 --> 00:47:25.960
without receiving his word,

663
00:47:25.960 --> 00:47:27.560
it's impossible to please him

664
00:47:29.080 --> 00:47:31.800
because pleasing him is in receiving him.

665
00:47:33.080 --> 00:47:35.800
Again, he, you know, we're all on this journey

666
00:47:35.800 --> 00:47:38.080
of doing it more and more.

667
00:47:38.080 --> 00:47:39.920
And he fathers us into all of that.

668
00:47:39.920 --> 00:47:43.640
He fathers us into receiving more and more of him,

669
00:47:43.640 --> 00:47:46.040
becoming more and more immersed in him.

670
00:47:46.040 --> 00:47:48.160
But yeah, that's what we're rejecting.

671
00:47:48.160 --> 00:47:50.680
And that's what we're saying no to.

672
00:47:50.680 --> 00:47:52.120
Yeah.

673
00:47:52.120 --> 00:47:56.680
So anyway, so I still am currently saying no to God

674
00:47:56.680 --> 00:48:00.280
in certain areas, but I'm like, I just can't do that yet.

675
00:48:00.280 --> 00:48:01.960
I'm just not ready for that yet.

676
00:48:01.960 --> 00:48:03.920
You know, but I, so I asked the Lord,

677
00:48:03.920 --> 00:48:07.040
I acknowledge where it is that I am.

678
00:48:07.040 --> 00:48:09.200
Instead of thinking, well, I just shouldn't be here

679
00:48:09.200 --> 00:48:10.200
and that's just wrong.

680
00:48:10.200 --> 00:48:11.840
And I got to get ahold of myself.

681
00:48:12.760 --> 00:48:16.960
That's going to create more resistance, you know?

682
00:48:16.960 --> 00:48:18.800
So I just have to,

683
00:48:18.800 --> 00:48:23.800
I have to accept myself for where it is that I am.

684
00:48:24.440 --> 00:48:26.560
Be like, okay, that's where I am right now.

685
00:48:26.560 --> 00:48:31.480
I'm actually resisting God in this particular area.

686
00:48:31.480 --> 00:48:32.520
Okay.

687
00:48:32.520 --> 00:48:34.160
That's apparently where I am.

688
00:48:34.160 --> 00:48:36.960
I'm not saying okay as in like, okay, that's all right.

689
00:48:36.960 --> 00:48:38.280
That's no big deal.

690
00:48:38.280 --> 00:48:39.520
I don't care.

691
00:48:39.520 --> 00:48:40.360
That's good.

692
00:48:40.360 --> 00:48:41.200
I'm not saying that.

693
00:48:41.200 --> 00:48:42.760
I'm not agreeing with it.

694
00:48:42.760 --> 00:48:47.400
I'm just acknowledging and stopping denying

695
00:48:47.400 --> 00:48:48.240
that that is true.

696
00:48:48.640 --> 00:48:52.440
I'm like, okay, I'm actually in resistance against God

697
00:48:52.440 --> 00:48:55.040
right now in that particular area.

698
00:48:55.040 --> 00:48:58.160
And so then I asked God, okay, Lord,

699
00:48:58.160 --> 00:49:02.600
I am willing though to not be in resistance.

700
00:49:02.600 --> 00:49:04.160
Right now, Lord, I'm in resistance

701
00:49:04.160 --> 00:49:06.280
because that thing scares me.

702
00:49:06.280 --> 00:49:08.160
I don't believe that.

703
00:49:08.160 --> 00:49:10.720
I don't believe in you that much or whatever,

704
00:49:10.720 --> 00:49:13.360
but God, if you say that that's you,

705
00:49:13.360 --> 00:49:16.200
if God, that really is you,

706
00:49:16.200 --> 00:49:18.800
then I want to receive that of you

707
00:49:18.800 --> 00:49:20.680
and I don't wanna be in resistance.

708
00:49:20.680 --> 00:49:24.320
So God, I ask that you would help father me

709
00:49:24.320 --> 00:49:28.400
into how to end to removing this resistance.

710
00:49:28.400 --> 00:49:32.360
I am willing, Lord, to not be in resistance against you.

711
00:49:33.280 --> 00:49:37.880
And so I ask that you help me to let go

712
00:49:37.880 --> 00:49:39.920
whatever it is that I need to let go of

713
00:49:39.920 --> 00:49:41.960
and take me through that process.

714
00:49:41.960 --> 00:49:46.360
So just pray and ask him to help you

715
00:49:46.360 --> 00:49:51.160
with whatever area, with wherever it is that you are,

716
00:49:51.160 --> 00:49:54.200
as opposed to getting onto yourself

717
00:49:54.200 --> 00:49:55.960
and receiving condemnation, whatever,

718
00:49:55.960 --> 00:49:57.640
you'll go through it faster

719
00:49:57.640 --> 00:49:59.840
because you're not resisting yourself.

720
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.200
and thinking and thinking and getting upset at yourself for being where it is

721
00:50:04.200 --> 00:50:06.920
that you are. You're like, okay, this is where I am. Okay.

722
00:50:06.920 --> 00:50:11.240
Being where I am, what do I want to ask of God?

723
00:50:11.640 --> 00:50:14.000
Well, I actually don't want to be like this.

724
00:50:14.320 --> 00:50:15.960
I understand why in this way.

725
00:50:16.240 --> 00:50:20.680
And I can't imagine doing what God is telling me to do or inviting him to,

726
00:50:20.800 --> 00:50:22.200
or inviting me to believe in,

727
00:50:22.880 --> 00:50:26.960
because there's a reason why me holding onto this thing makes me feel safe.

728
00:50:27.520 --> 00:50:28.960
And I really don't want to let go of it.

729
00:50:28.960 --> 00:50:32.040
And I really don't want to feel unsafe and whatever, but I do want God.

730
00:50:32.840 --> 00:50:33.520
And so God,

731
00:50:33.520 --> 00:50:38.320
would you please help me be brave enough and learn how to let go enough

732
00:50:39.000 --> 00:50:43.600
and believe you enough and choose you enough to finally let go of this

733
00:50:43.600 --> 00:50:47.760
thing and to choose you and stop resisting. So you just pray where you,

734
00:50:47.760 --> 00:50:51.320
you pray to what, wherever it is that you are,

735
00:50:51.840 --> 00:50:55.880
instead of resisting wherever it is that you are and just say, you know, God,

736
00:50:56.000 --> 00:51:00.840
you know, I don't know, help me to help me to do this,

737
00:51:00.840 --> 00:51:04.920
or help me to do that, or Lord, I'm so sorry. And I, I'm going to try harder.

738
00:51:04.920 --> 00:51:08.120
I'm going to try harder to try harder for,

739
00:51:08.120 --> 00:51:11.920
be honest about where it is that you are and pray from that perspective,

740
00:51:12.320 --> 00:51:16.400
pray from the perspective that you're in resistance and ask God to tell you

741
00:51:16.400 --> 00:51:20.280
instead of, uh, instead of denying that you're in a resistance, I'm like, okay,

742
00:51:20.280 --> 00:51:21.800
God, I'm trying to believe. I'm trying to believe,

743
00:51:22.760 --> 00:51:26.840
just God, please help me to remove this resistance and, you know,

744
00:51:26.840 --> 00:51:30.960
and believe you instead of ignoring the fact that you're in resistance. Um,

745
00:51:31.360 --> 00:51:36.160
so that'll help you drop your defenses faster and feel safer with

746
00:51:36.160 --> 00:51:39.120
them and, and all of that. Cause you won't be fighting you.

747
00:51:39.120 --> 00:51:42.560
Remember your spirit's already chosen you, God, your spirit's already there.

748
00:51:42.880 --> 00:51:46.160
Your spirit isn't overcoming. I mean, isn't being overcome.

749
00:51:46.520 --> 00:51:50.720
It's your soul and your body that are, you have already done it.

750
00:51:51.160 --> 00:51:52.000
You're already there.

751
00:51:52.320 --> 00:51:57.040
So the reason you don't feel like it sometimes is because you're down in your

752
00:51:57.040 --> 00:52:00.320
soul and your body thinking that where all the battle is,

753
00:52:00.640 --> 00:52:04.720
is where you are. You're not where the battle is. You're above the battle,

754
00:52:05.000 --> 00:52:10.080
but we're so conscious of the aspect of ourselves in battle that

755
00:52:10.080 --> 00:52:14.640
we're not as conscious as we should be in the part of ourselves.

756
00:52:14.640 --> 00:52:15.760
That's above the battle.

757
00:52:15.960 --> 00:52:20.320
So what we're learning to do is to shift our consciousness up here and feel the

758
00:52:20.880 --> 00:52:25.360
consciousness of the battle below us, not in our,

759
00:52:25.440 --> 00:52:30.120
not in it. And so that's why all of this can feel very overwhelming.

760
00:52:30.120 --> 00:52:31.920
It's wild. This can feel very condemning.

761
00:52:31.920 --> 00:52:35.600
It's like this can always feel like, Oh my word, I'm not believing God.

762
00:52:35.600 --> 00:52:39.640
Why am I not believing God? No, you are, you are believing God.

763
00:52:40.000 --> 00:52:41.680
So I just, you know,

764
00:52:41.680 --> 00:52:46.680
I recommend trying to focus more on on what it is that you've already done and

765
00:52:46.880 --> 00:52:50.360
who it is that you already are, what's already been accomplished for you.

766
00:52:50.800 --> 00:52:53.040
And then that's who it is that you are. And,

767
00:52:53.040 --> 00:52:58.040
but you're having this earthly experience that's different than who you are,

768
00:52:59.000 --> 00:53:04.000
as opposed to thinking that this earthly experience is where you are constantly

769
00:53:04.760 --> 00:53:07.480
trying to battle it until eventually it gets better.

770
00:53:07.720 --> 00:53:12.240
That's exhausting to think that that's the existence that we're going through.

771
00:53:12.680 --> 00:53:16.760
It's not the existence we're going through is, is in our spirit.

772
00:53:16.760 --> 00:53:20.320
This is just an earthly expression or the existence of it.

773
00:53:20.880 --> 00:53:22.720
So yeah, anyway,

774
00:53:25.480 --> 00:53:26.920
I needed that. Thank you.

775
00:53:30.000 --> 00:53:32.400
Good. I thought it was helpful, but yeah.

776
00:53:33.680 --> 00:53:36.640
What I always recommend when people are having a hard time, you know,

777
00:53:36.640 --> 00:53:40.640
connecting with the Lord is to just truly continue to choose

778
00:53:42.520 --> 00:53:43.360
the Lord.

779
00:53:44.640 --> 00:53:49.240
To choose the fact that he is really as loving and as good as he says that he is

780
00:53:49.280 --> 00:53:53.960
and not trying to reconcile all of this. Yeah. But God, what about, and God,

781
00:53:53.960 --> 00:53:56.920
then why aren't you taking care of this in my life? God,

782
00:53:56.920 --> 00:54:00.920
well then why is this area of my life with this person is so bad or so difficult

783
00:54:00.920 --> 00:54:05.920
or so challenging instead of bringing up all of the concerns and all of the

784
00:54:06.040 --> 00:54:07.000
things that you haven't,

785
00:54:07.000 --> 00:54:10.440
aren't that are difficult and that haven't reconciled,

786
00:54:10.640 --> 00:54:15.080
just focus when it's you and God, I mean, just, you know,

787
00:54:15.720 --> 00:54:20.840
in relationship to God, only focus on, on the goodness and on the love and let

788
00:54:20.840 --> 00:54:25.760
that, and I promise you that will overpower and change.

789
00:54:27.040 --> 00:54:28.800
What's the word? It will overcome,

790
00:54:29.280 --> 00:54:34.160
overwhelm and overpower your, your senses,

791
00:54:34.400 --> 00:54:37.800
your focus, your consciousness. And then,

792
00:54:37.880 --> 00:54:42.880
and then eventually it will change you to the point that your environment or at

793
00:54:43.360 --> 00:54:46.560
least your perception of your environment will completely change.

794
00:54:47.320 --> 00:54:49.080
And that's what I experienced.

795
00:54:49.080 --> 00:54:52.200
I experienced that actually here in this apartment. I, you know,

796
00:54:52.200 --> 00:54:54.040
I've told y'all many times that, you know,

797
00:54:54.040 --> 00:54:58.080
all of my businesses were failing and I had no money and I was trusting more for

798
00:54:58.080 --> 00:55:00.000
food. And, um,

799
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.320
that my relationships were struggling and everything.

800
00:55:03.720 --> 00:55:09.320
And so I had nothing at the point where I told God, OK, God,

801
00:55:09.520 --> 00:55:11.840
you know, I choose you over my lifestyle.

802
00:55:11.840 --> 00:55:15.880
I choose you over whatever my life ever even changing from what it is now.

803
00:55:16.160 --> 00:55:18.640
Even Lord, if you call me back into business

804
00:55:18.880 --> 00:55:22.040
where I is the last place that I'm going to go, the word business

805
00:55:22.040 --> 00:55:23.680
used to make me nauseated.

806
00:55:23.680 --> 00:55:24.320
I'm not kidding.

807
00:55:24.320 --> 00:55:27.960
Like somebody would say, in fact, Chris Lockerbie was talking to me one time

808
00:55:28.400 --> 00:55:29.640
and he said the word business.

809
00:55:29.640 --> 00:55:31.320
And I got nauseated.

810
00:55:32.200 --> 00:55:33.640
He was talking to me like way back then.

811
00:55:33.640 --> 00:55:36.360
And I'm like, I think Chris is like, I can't

812
00:55:36.360 --> 00:55:38.280
I can't talk about that word.

813
00:55:38.280 --> 00:55:40.240
Like I literally got nauseated in my stomach

814
00:55:41.000 --> 00:55:45.360
because I was in that much of a burnout from it.

815
00:55:45.720 --> 00:55:47.840
And so it really is.

816
00:55:49.960 --> 00:55:54.560
It's a I really was in a very, very difficult place

817
00:55:55.040 --> 00:55:59.760
and things were going so bad, so bad.

818
00:56:00.880 --> 00:56:04.080
And it was in that place that I just focused on.

819
00:56:04.520 --> 00:56:08.720
And I'm thinking, God, you know, are you do you do?

820
00:56:08.960 --> 00:56:10.800
I mean, I knew that he saw me.

821
00:56:10.800 --> 00:56:13.480
I knew I didn't doubt his his presence.

822
00:56:13.480 --> 00:56:14.840
I didn't doubt his existence.

823
00:56:14.840 --> 00:56:16.960
I had gone through that like 12 years earlier.

824
00:56:16.960 --> 00:56:19.160
That wasn't that wasn't what I was dealing with.

825
00:56:19.640 --> 00:56:23.640
What I was dealing with now was just simply the fact

826
00:56:23.800 --> 00:56:27.840
what simply was isolated to the fact that I'm just like, God,

827
00:56:28.160 --> 00:56:31.440
you know, everything is just feels like it's going to hell in a handbasket.

828
00:56:32.000 --> 00:56:35.320
And it feels to me like you're letting it.

829
00:56:36.200 --> 00:56:38.600
You could save me from all of this, but this is where it is.

830
00:56:39.280 --> 00:56:42.360
And so in that place, nothing is going right.

831
00:56:43.080 --> 00:56:45.680
In fact, everything was at rock bottom.

832
00:56:45.680 --> 00:56:49.360
Then I and people, by the way, some of the people closest to me

833
00:56:49.360 --> 00:56:50.920
didn't believe in me.

834
00:56:50.920 --> 00:56:52.920
Here I was out on a limb.

835
00:56:52.920 --> 00:56:54.960
They didn't believe me or that I could do it.

836
00:56:55.400 --> 00:56:58.720
In fact, they anyway, I won't get into all of that.

837
00:56:59.760 --> 00:57:03.320
But I'd I'd gotten some.

838
00:57:03.320 --> 00:57:07.560
Anyway, I don't know how to how to describe it without like naming people.

839
00:57:08.160 --> 00:57:10.000
So just say it's really bad.

840
00:57:10.000 --> 00:57:12.000
It hurt me so badly.

841
00:57:12.000 --> 00:57:15.120
And I thought, here I am doing this difficult thing.

842
00:57:15.120 --> 00:57:19.320
I can't even find God and nobody believes me.

843
00:57:20.120 --> 00:57:25.400
And it was in that place that I chose to focus on nothing but the fact

844
00:57:25.400 --> 00:57:27.440
that God was love and he was good.

845
00:57:28.680 --> 00:57:29.840
It was love.

846
00:57:29.840 --> 00:57:32.360
It was good that I was unified with them.

847
00:57:33.160 --> 00:57:34.560
The end.

848
00:57:34.960 --> 00:57:39.360
That was all that I focused on and that things were possible

849
00:57:40.680 --> 00:57:42.840
that that he intended,

850
00:57:43.800 --> 00:57:47.120
intended my life in the future to be good,

851
00:57:47.800 --> 00:57:50.960
to be enriched, to have opportunity.

852
00:57:51.680 --> 00:57:53.800
I didn't know what those things were.

853
00:57:53.800 --> 00:57:57.080
It was more like that was all born simply from the fact

854
00:57:57.080 --> 00:57:59.440
that I chose that God was love and he was good, period.

855
00:57:59.800 --> 00:58:02.720
But I explained to you the circumstances that I was in.

856
00:58:03.000 --> 00:58:06.200
That didn't look like God was love or that God was good. Right.

857
00:58:06.400 --> 00:58:09.640
So I had to intentionally make a choice and focus on nothing but that.

858
00:58:09.640 --> 00:58:11.720
I didn't ask. I didn't focus on.

859
00:58:11.920 --> 00:58:14.360
Yeah. But why did it get to this point?

860
00:58:14.360 --> 00:58:16.080
And why isn't he helping me?

861
00:58:16.120 --> 00:58:18.800
You know, now, why aren't any of my business ventures working?

862
00:58:18.800 --> 00:58:21.040
And why isn't this and why isn't that?

863
00:58:21.040 --> 00:58:24.720
I gave up holding all of those things and accusation against the Lord

864
00:58:24.720 --> 00:58:26.960
and trying to get him to reconcile all those things.

865
00:58:26.960 --> 00:58:30.760
I just focused on the good things and then it changed everything.

866
00:58:31.040 --> 00:58:34.840
And I think part of the reason that I did is I'm a very I have it.

867
00:58:35.040 --> 00:58:40.360
I have a tendency to be a very extreme person and nothing else was working.

868
00:58:41.760 --> 00:58:43.520
I didn't I didn't have hope.

869
00:58:43.560 --> 00:58:47.280
We're not we're not a Rita, I'm seeing I'm seeing your name,

870
00:58:47.280 --> 00:58:52.200
but I'm like saying hers because I'll start with an R that Rita, I I didn't have

871
00:58:52.400 --> 00:58:55.520
a job, I had no money.

872
00:58:55.720 --> 00:59:00.840
I mean, like I was in debt, no money

873
00:59:01.040 --> 00:59:05.520
and I had no credit card back up, nothing.

874
00:59:05.720 --> 00:59:10.080
I didn't have anything on which to build any good.

875
00:59:10.280 --> 00:59:17.600
A experience or hope or proof that God was any of the things that I was

876
00:59:17.800 --> 00:59:22.920
choosing to live my life, believing he's love and that he's good, period.

877
00:59:23.120 --> 00:59:24.800
It was a choice.

878
00:59:25.000 --> 00:59:26.760
I made it my reality.

879
00:59:26.960 --> 00:59:32.320
And God's like, because you say that I am who I now who I declared that I am,

880
00:59:32.520 --> 00:59:37.800
I now can express that aspect of myself in your life because you're choosing.

881
00:59:38.000 --> 00:59:39.280
That's true.

882
00:59:39.480 --> 00:59:42.000
And so then I then my life started turning

883
00:59:42.200 --> 00:59:47.120
around and it was wild and I still see him do it all the time.

884
00:59:47.320 --> 00:59:49.600
I saw him actually do mine

885
00:59:49.800 --> 00:59:53.240
with our Internet here, which is really crazy because the last time I was here,

886
00:59:53.440 --> 00:59:58.880
I had a I had a I had a the Lord saved me on my Internet as well.

887
00:59:59.080 --> 01:00:00.040
Right before the rest.

888
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.560
intensive. My very first rest intensive started in April, I think April 4th, 2020. We're coming up

889
01:00:06.560 --> 01:00:11.520
on three years. It's very exciting, but he, the Lord saved me on my internet there. He saved me

890
01:00:11.520 --> 01:00:18.480
just recently with, um, with some more internet at the last minute. And, um, and, uh, so anyway,

891
01:00:18.480 --> 01:00:23.360
but the thing is that I didn't, my point is I made the decision that I did and what it is that

892
01:00:23.360 --> 01:00:31.520
I'm encouraging, encouraging you in, I made it in like the worst possible time. Like there was,

893
01:00:31.520 --> 01:00:39.440
there was no alternative to lean on. It was not a safe time to make, for me to make that choice.

894
01:00:40.080 --> 01:00:47.280
There was no fallback. Um, I get my job couldn't sustain me because I hadn't, you know, so it

895
01:00:47.280 --> 01:00:51.840
wasn't even something I could try to hope in. It wasn't even something I was tempted to hope in.

896
01:00:51.840 --> 01:00:57.920
It was like, there's just nothing. And so normally at a time like that, you fight tooth and nail and

897
01:00:57.920 --> 01:01:02.560
you think, see, look, God isn't doing it for me. I have to work hard. And I'm thinking, no,

898
01:01:03.200 --> 01:01:08.240
I am, how old was I? 34, 35 at the time. And I thought, no, I've done that.

899
01:01:09.440 --> 01:01:16.640
And it didn't work. So even though I'm here at the bottom of the barrel, I know that that won't work.

900
01:01:16.640 --> 01:01:22.240
I know what could get me out, but it can't get me where I'm wanting to go. So I have absolutely

901
01:01:22.240 --> 01:01:28.400
no desire to go down that path again, because ultimately it just leads to death. So God,

902
01:01:28.400 --> 01:01:33.520
I've already tried that one. That one doesn't work. Sure. I could save myself from here,

903
01:01:33.520 --> 01:01:40.720
but I saw we're saving myself lead. And I, that's how I live. So Lord, what's the alternative?

904
01:01:40.720 --> 01:01:44.560
The alternative is you are who you say that you are. And I don't know who that is.

905
01:01:45.680 --> 01:01:51.840
So I just like, well, he says he's loving. He's good. So I'm going with that love, good and union.

906
01:01:52.400 --> 01:02:02.480
That's all I chose. So, and I built everything off of those few things, that simplicity.

907
01:02:02.480 --> 01:02:06.880
So I know that in the rest intensive, I talk a lot about like, there's, there's all kinds of

908
01:02:06.880 --> 01:02:11.920
things I talk about. I have all kinds of teachings. I didn't have all of that. I had love,

909
01:02:11.920 --> 01:02:21.760
good and union. That's all. And so my point is God is that proven. He's that faithful. He's that

910
01:02:22.640 --> 01:02:26.880
powerful. That, that is all I believed about him. And it turned my life around

911
01:02:27.920 --> 01:02:33.280
and it brought in finances and it brought in relationships and it brought in and it finally

912
01:02:33.280 --> 01:02:42.480
created a business out of nothing. Absolutely not. So anyway, so I know I'm talking a lot,

913
01:02:42.480 --> 01:02:46.720
but you know, me, I, I like to create lots and lots of context, come at it from like

914
01:02:46.720 --> 01:02:54.960
a hundred different angles, just in case you didn't get the 99. Yeah. So anyway, is that,

915
01:02:54.960 --> 01:03:00.160
I know it's not fun to hear, but I promise you, I promise you with everything within me.

916
01:03:00.160 --> 01:03:04.000
No, I didn't just live this. I have walked other people through it. And I promise you

917
01:03:04.000 --> 01:03:10.000
everyone who has done this, it's worked every single person, but it required all of them.

918
01:03:10.720 --> 01:03:15.440
Meaning like it required all of who it is that they were, you know, and they finally had to

919
01:03:15.440 --> 01:03:22.000
choose that God really was that he really was good. He really was love. I really am accepted.

920
01:03:22.000 --> 01:03:29.760
I really am, you know, unconditionally loved and I'm just accepted. I'm, you know, just,

921
01:03:29.760 --> 01:03:36.240
I'm unified with him. I can't, I can't lose it. I can't mess it up. I'm not condemned. I mean,

922
01:03:36.240 --> 01:03:41.520
like it's, it's, and then I would, and then I would think, okay, if that's true.

923
01:03:42.400 --> 01:03:47.360
And in other words, because I choose that it is true now that I am that person,

924
01:03:48.320 --> 01:03:53.520
what decisions do I then now make? You know, I know what kind of decisions that I would normally

925
01:03:53.520 --> 01:03:57.680
make when I'm not believing that, but when I am believing, I am that person,

926
01:03:57.680 --> 01:04:03.200
like not up here, believing it, but actually knowing like down in your gut, knowing that,

927
01:04:03.200 --> 01:04:07.120
nope, this is who I am because this is who I choose that I am because God said.

928
01:04:07.920 --> 01:04:11.600
So now that I've chosen, this is my reality, what decisions would I make?

929
01:04:11.600 --> 01:04:17.200
And that's then determined what decisions I made as far as like what I pursued in business. And,

930
01:04:17.200 --> 01:04:21.280
and how I approached the Lord about in questioning things about finances or in

931
01:04:22.160 --> 01:04:30.960
developing relationships and then trying to risk myself in new relationships. Cause relationships

932
01:04:30.960 --> 01:04:36.480
were really hard for me because I've been hurt so many times. Cause I was one of those people

933
01:04:36.480 --> 01:04:42.160
that would just go around trying to make friends, you know, and I just was hurt so many times.

934
01:04:42.160 --> 01:04:49.760
And so I started like, so so anyway and I, I just finally started and I thought,

935
01:04:49.760 --> 01:04:53.520
Oh, well, this is who I am. Well, then I can go talk to anybody.

936
01:04:55.920 --> 01:04:59.760
I'm not threatened now, you know? And then

937
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.360
I said, I met all of these people and I started traveling everywhere.

938
01:05:03.360 --> 01:05:04.720
And it was just wild.

939
01:05:05.160 --> 01:05:10.280
And my life has never been so full and so rich, but.

940
01:05:10.880 --> 01:05:14.760
And it all came from believing that God actually will speak to the city was, but

941
01:05:14.760 --> 01:05:20.660
anyway, um, I know it's, it's hard because we have to, we have to do the thing and

942
01:05:20.660 --> 01:05:24.960
it's not a formula and it's, uh, it's not like a, Oh, well, if you read your

943
01:05:24.960 --> 01:05:31.240
Bible at six 30 in the morning and you do this, if you do that, uh, that it

944
01:05:31.240 --> 01:05:36.000
requires, but I, but I promise you, it's the thing that works, it is the thing

945
01:05:36.000 --> 01:05:42.440
that finally works anyway, but do you have any questions or any thoughts

946
01:05:42.440 --> 01:05:44.120
you'd like to share with me about it?

947
01:05:44.560 --> 01:05:45.040
Yeah.

948
01:05:45.200 --> 01:05:48.960
So, you know, the, the what ifs and all the negatives.

949
01:05:49.080 --> 01:05:52.000
So is that part of like the reckless abandonment?

950
01:05:52.000 --> 01:05:59.880
It's like, okay, life was this negative part of life, but you're choosing God's

951
01:05:59.880 --> 01:06:06.560
love and his goodness and your union with him, not to say that bad things

952
01:06:06.560 --> 01:06:08.040
aren't ever going to happen to you.

953
01:06:08.040 --> 01:06:11.880
I think that's where I, you know, I'm like,

954
01:06:13.800 --> 01:06:17.160
are you talking about bad things that have happened or bad things that could

955
01:06:17.920 --> 01:06:23.160
could happen because you made the choice or despite you making the choice?

956
01:06:23.880 --> 01:06:26.120
Despite me making the choice.

957
01:06:27.240 --> 01:06:27.740
Yeah.

958
01:06:28.360 --> 01:06:28.560
Yeah.

959
01:06:28.560 --> 01:06:32.320
So what about those, despite you making the choice, you know, so why, in other

960
01:06:32.320 --> 01:06:35.840
words, walk me through your thought process of what that has to do with

961
01:06:36.120 --> 01:06:42.520
making the choice, like, so, you know, I guess the scenario would be like, okay,

962
01:06:42.520 --> 01:06:46.560
so God is good if he's good and love.

963
01:06:47.240 --> 01:06:54.160
And if I'm believing that I would choose to do this thing, but then when I'm

964
01:06:54.160 --> 01:06:58.360
thinking of that choice, all the negative things that could happen, come in, you

965
01:06:58.360 --> 01:07:04.640
know, like, yeah, we can get hurt or, you know, something bad could happen.

966
01:07:04.640 --> 01:07:06.640
Like by doing that thing.

967
01:07:07.640 --> 01:07:08.140
Okay.

968
01:07:08.340 --> 01:07:13.180
So there's a difference between God being good versus God letting me do something.

969
01:07:14.260 --> 01:07:16.940
So God is good.

970
01:07:16.940 --> 01:07:21.860
Whether or not you can do that thing, whether or not that thing is like, so I

971
01:07:21.900 --> 01:07:23.700
know, but here's, that's my point.

972
01:07:24.060 --> 01:07:29.420
We know it, but when it comes to actually making a choice like this about like,

973
01:07:29.420 --> 01:07:35.500
yeah, but if I do this, what if it doesn't work out or what if I'm like,

974
01:07:36.340 --> 01:07:40.940
cause you said, you know, um, I, you know, if I believe that God's good, then I

975
01:07:40.940 --> 01:07:47.220
would make this choice, but what if it doesn't work out well for a couple of

976
01:07:47.220 --> 01:07:51.340
things, just because God's good, doesn't mean that we should make this choice.

977
01:07:52.060 --> 01:07:57.220
And also just because this choice doesn't work out, even if God said to

978
01:07:57.220 --> 01:07:59.020
do it, doesn't mean he's not good.

979
01:07:59.900 --> 01:08:05.380
Does it, do you see how we're connecting what happens and what I want

980
01:08:05.380 --> 01:08:09.900
to, whether or not God's good, they're completely disassociated.

981
01:08:11.060 --> 01:08:18.460
That is the biggest thing to kind of is to, that's, that's what I'm talking

982
01:08:18.460 --> 01:08:27.819
about when I say we have to choose him in isolation of, or disconnected

983
01:08:27.859 --> 01:08:36.060
from what happens and how his goodness and who he is affects us.

984
01:08:37.460 --> 01:08:45.460
We would rather he be who he is and us experience, whatever that entails, then

985
01:08:45.460 --> 01:08:51.180
to control our experience and to not be connected to who he is.

986
01:08:53.700 --> 01:08:54.380
Did that make sense?

987
01:08:56.700 --> 01:08:57.020
Okay.

988
01:08:57.420 --> 01:09:04.700
So, so often we, we would rather, okay, so what we're, what we're trying to do

989
01:09:04.700 --> 01:09:13.460
is we're trying to choose that God is who he is regardless, like we choose

990
01:09:13.460 --> 01:09:18.939
that that's what we desire, that's what we want, that's the reality that we want

991
01:09:18.939 --> 01:09:22.580
to live in, that's what I'm saying about shoes.

992
01:09:22.620 --> 01:09:23.979
I don't mean choose that it's true.

993
01:09:24.260 --> 01:09:27.819
I mean, choose that is so much of a reality that that is the reality that

994
01:09:27.819 --> 01:09:32.420
we choose to put ourselves into that.

995
01:09:32.420 --> 01:09:35.979
He is that he is, he says that he is like, say for instance, that he's so

996
01:09:35.979 --> 01:09:42.060
good, regardless of, even if that, and we choose that, we choose that God,

997
01:09:42.060 --> 01:09:51.300
you are that good if you say that, even if your goodness means that, or regardless

998
01:09:51.300 --> 01:09:59.420
of how your goodness affects my life and causes things to happen in my life, I

999
01:09:59.420 --> 01:10:00.020
would rather.

1000
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:07.520
you be good and you exist in the reality and a world in which you are who you say that you are,

1001
01:10:07.520 --> 01:10:15.040
even if it means that things happen to me that I don't want, I would rather that

1002
01:10:15.840 --> 01:10:24.160
than me be disconnected from you and having experiences that I can control.

1003
01:10:24.160 --> 01:10:32.320
Do you choose your experiences or do you choose God to be who he says that he is?

1004
01:10:32.320 --> 01:10:39.760
Which would you rather make up your life? Being connected with the real God where him being who

1005
01:10:39.760 --> 01:10:48.720
he is affects your life or you being disconnected from who he is because you would rather have,

1006
01:10:48.720 --> 01:10:57.760
you would rather get certain experiences of a particular lifestyle. That's the choice that

1007
01:10:57.760 --> 01:11:06.880
we're making. So we can't connect God's character to our experiences. We have to choose God's

1008
01:11:06.880 --> 01:11:19.600
character instead of our experiences. Then later what we'll see is because we gave up our

1009
01:11:19.600 --> 01:11:28.960
experiences and sacrificed our experiences to receive the effects in our life of God being

1010
01:11:28.960 --> 01:11:34.400
who he is and just letting God be who he is. So in other words, we're trading our experiences

1011
01:11:34.400 --> 01:11:39.440
or letting God be who he is into our life. Whatever that makes it out to be,

1012
01:11:40.320 --> 01:11:48.160
whatever the fact that his goodness or his wrath or his love or his, whatever, you know, whatever

1013
01:11:48.160 --> 01:11:55.280
that means, whatever that does in our life, we would rather that than have the experiences that

1014
01:11:55.280 --> 01:12:01.120
life in the kingdom of the world offers to us. That's the choice that we're making.

1015
01:12:01.920 --> 01:12:08.800
Then God's character, if we make the choice of God and his character, then he and his character

1016
01:12:09.360 --> 01:12:16.080
is, it will create a specific, will give us a specific experience and a specific,

1017
01:12:16.080 --> 01:12:19.440
but what we'll experience is we'll be experiencing the kingdom of God. We're

1018
01:12:19.440 --> 01:12:25.280
going to be experiencing the character of God and we're going to have traded the life experiences

1019
01:12:26.240 --> 01:12:31.760
and every, and all the ugly things that are connected to it, all of the consequences and

1020
01:12:31.760 --> 01:12:37.040
punishments. Sure. There's benefits, but the benefits are so puny compared to the benefits

1021
01:12:37.040 --> 01:12:42.240
that we get from the kingdom of God. But the kingdom of this world also has all kinds of

1022
01:12:42.240 --> 01:12:46.480
negative things connected with it. And that we also, if we're going to get the good things,

1023
01:12:46.480 --> 01:12:51.520
we've got to get the bad things with it too. Right? So we're choosing God and how his character

1024
01:12:52.080 --> 01:12:57.200
gives, affects our lives and gives us the, and gives us an earthly experience

1025
01:12:57.200 --> 01:13:05.040
over the earthly experience that the kingdom of the world offers. That's the trade. But what we

1026
01:13:05.040 --> 01:13:14.000
get from God is not only do we get the, do we get himself, but we get we get the experiences that we

1027
01:13:14.080 --> 01:13:22.480
have are, are of eternal significance and they're eternal as in like timeless.

1028
01:13:23.440 --> 01:13:28.480
They're, they, they don't, they won't burn as wood, hay, and stubble. They'll pass through

1029
01:13:28.480 --> 01:13:34.640
the fire as gold and silver and precious stones and all of that. And so the last,

1030
01:13:34.640 --> 01:13:40.640
they actually mean something. And it's only that way that we can actually transform creation. We

1031
01:13:40.640 --> 01:13:45.600
can't transform creation using the kingdom of the world. We can only transform creation

1032
01:13:46.640 --> 01:13:55.680
from the, from being from the kingdom of God, where we're receiving a life experience

1033
01:13:55.680 --> 01:14:01.360
from the kingdom of God and allowing it to emanate from us, partnering with it,

1034
01:14:01.360 --> 01:14:09.280
ruling in the kingdom of God, and then transforming creation. So that's the choice that we're making.

1035
01:14:10.640 --> 01:14:15.120
Are we going to choose the kingdom, the earthly and life experiences that the kingdom of the world

1036
01:14:15.120 --> 01:14:23.920
offers, or are we going to choose to experience life from the center of the character of God

1037
01:14:23.920 --> 01:14:32.640
and seeing what experience that the character of God gives us. But we have to give up the other

1038
01:14:32.640 --> 01:14:40.080
in order to get the God experiences. We can't have both. You know, you can't serve both God

1039
01:14:40.560 --> 01:14:47.200
as the Bible says. And I believe that it's, I believe that that principle, according to scripture,

1040
01:14:47.200 --> 01:14:53.520
you know, extends beyond money. He's talking, you know, but he's sure he's using money in that

1041
01:14:53.520 --> 01:14:58.880
example, but we know that that principle extends into the principles of the world. We can't serve

1042
01:14:58.880 --> 01:14:59.760
both of them.

1043
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:01.920
We can only have one.

1044
01:15:01.920 --> 01:15:07.320
And so that's the point that I came to when I told the Lord, God, I choose you and your

1045
01:15:07.320 --> 01:15:09.960
character over my lifestyle.

1046
01:15:09.960 --> 01:15:17.100
And I asked that you manifest your character into my life so that my life is created by

1047
01:15:17.100 --> 01:15:21.400
you expressing your character.

1048
01:15:21.400 --> 01:15:24.840
And I saw what that did to Jesus.

1049
01:15:24.840 --> 01:15:26.120
And I told him that.

1050
01:15:26.120 --> 01:15:28.520
And I said, I saw what that did to Jesus.

1051
01:15:28.520 --> 01:15:39.320
And I am telling you full, you know, fully aware of what that meant, meaning like as

1052
01:15:39.320 --> 01:15:40.320
much as I can.

1053
01:15:40.320 --> 01:15:44.000
I mean, like, in other words, looking at it and looking at, oh, my word, you know, everything

1054
01:15:44.000 --> 01:15:49.680
that happened to him and then his death and then you know, I wasn't, I didn't experience

1055
01:15:49.680 --> 01:15:50.680
it.

1056
01:15:50.680 --> 01:15:55.200
But just like so it wasn't like firsthand knowledge, but it was knowledge of the like,

1057
01:15:55.200 --> 01:15:59.560
okay, Lord, looking at it and reading it like, okay, that thing right there, Lord,

1058
01:15:59.560 --> 01:16:03.400
that was you expressing your character into his life.

1059
01:16:03.400 --> 01:16:07.800
So I don't know what you expressed in your character into mine is going to make my look

1060
01:16:07.800 --> 01:16:13.800
like, but I would rather that than be disconnected from you.

1061
01:16:13.800 --> 01:16:18.840
So I told him, I'm all in no more of this, you can have this part of my life, but not

1062
01:16:18.840 --> 01:16:19.840
this part.

1063
01:16:19.840 --> 01:16:22.120
I tried that Lord, and it didn't work.

1064
01:16:22.120 --> 01:16:25.800
In fact, I tried to give you all of my life, but I tried to do it my way.

1065
01:16:25.800 --> 01:16:27.200
I tried to strive for it.

1066
01:16:27.200 --> 01:16:28.200
I thought I wasn't good enough.

1067
01:16:28.200 --> 01:16:31.040
I thought it wasn't finished.

1068
01:16:31.040 --> 01:16:34.040
So now Lord, I'd like to live from the finished life.

1069
01:16:34.040 --> 01:16:41.680
But the only way to live a finished life is to live from being from inside of you.

1070
01:16:41.680 --> 01:16:48.920
And so I asked that your character manifest and manifest my life.

1071
01:16:49.800 --> 01:16:58.200
So anyway, so I would just recommend that you pray towards those things, meaning like

1072
01:16:58.200 --> 01:17:02.680
acknowledge to the Lord, wherever it is that you are on that journey and say, Lord, this

1073
01:17:02.680 --> 01:17:07.440
is where I am, but this is where I'd like to be.

1074
01:17:07.440 --> 01:17:10.440
And so what you can do is you can tell him that, Lord, this is where I'd like to be.

1075
01:17:10.440 --> 01:17:14.840
But say, for instance, you can tell there's multiple steps from here to there, and just

1076
01:17:15.840 --> 01:17:16.840
like to be eventually.

1077
01:17:16.840 --> 01:17:20.360
But right now, Lord, this is where I am.

1078
01:17:20.360 --> 01:17:25.160
And so what I'm asking, can you get me from here to this next step?

1079
01:17:25.160 --> 01:17:29.800
You might just have a sense of like, okay, like, say, for instance, that you're not willing

1080
01:17:29.800 --> 01:17:36.400
to, but you're willing to be willing to then talk for the willing to be willing and asked

1081
01:17:36.400 --> 01:17:41.840
to be willing, you know, as opposed to being willing and asking to just do it or whatever,

1082
01:17:41.840 --> 01:17:46.280
you know, it just did, or maybe you're not willing to or willing to willing to, but you

1083
01:17:46.280 --> 01:17:51.360
are willing to willing to willing to, well, then go there, and then just talk from where

1084
01:17:51.360 --> 01:17:54.720
it is you are fully acknowledge and accept that.

1085
01:17:54.720 --> 01:17:58.480
And then ask for that next step, just like, okay, God, can you move?

1086
01:17:58.480 --> 01:18:00.280
This is where I am.

1087
01:18:00.280 --> 01:18:08.840
And I am very honestly, God, very vulnerably and very transparently, I'm at I'm asking

1088
01:18:08.840 --> 01:18:14.120
you and I'm just and I'm vulnerably expressing myself and putting myself on the altar to

1089
01:18:14.120 --> 01:18:18.160
be changed to the point where I'm finally moving from willing to willing to willing

1090
01:18:18.160 --> 01:18:25.520
to, to actually willing to willing to, I'm moving from number three to number two, I

1091
01:18:25.520 --> 01:18:28.280
am very intentionally desiring to do that.

1092
01:18:28.280 --> 01:18:29.800
And I'm not there yet.

1093
01:18:29.800 --> 01:18:32.800
And I'd ask that you'd meet that you'd help father me into that.

1094
01:18:32.800 --> 01:18:34.560
So and then just let him move you.

1095
01:18:34.560 --> 01:18:39.520
But again, what I would focus on, so I would pray things like that, but what I would focus

1096
01:18:39.520 --> 01:18:45.600
on is focus on the fact that God is love, he is good, his union, and you are unified

1097
01:18:45.600 --> 01:18:50.880
with him, and expect goodness.

1098
01:18:50.880 --> 01:18:54.720
I don't mean expect that things are going to happen the way you want them to.

1099
01:18:54.720 --> 01:18:56.080
I don't mean that.

1100
01:18:56.080 --> 01:19:00.160
Because again, that's holding God to a particular manifestation.

1101
01:19:00.160 --> 01:19:07.520
Expect good, expect joy, expect peace, expect happiness, expect me in anticipation that

1102
01:19:07.520 --> 01:19:11.480
the day is going to be good, that the week is going to be good, but this is, you know,

1103
01:19:11.480 --> 01:19:17.800
life is, you know, just anticipate that things will be well.

1104
01:19:17.800 --> 01:19:26.160
And in just and then I would recommend reading, reading the Bible, without now you can do

1105
01:19:26.160 --> 01:19:27.160
whatever you want.

1106
01:19:27.160 --> 01:19:29.680
Maybe you've got like a study that you're doing right now or whatever.

1107
01:19:29.680 --> 01:19:34.680
But one of the things I recommend is, or at least even maybe you're reading a part, you're

1108
01:19:34.680 --> 01:19:40.680
doing a second part of the Bible, go to another part of the Bible, and just start reading

1109
01:19:40.680 --> 01:19:41.680
for fun.

1110
01:19:41.680 --> 01:19:50.000
Don't try to get anything like don't go sit down with the purpose of getting some revelation,

1111
01:19:50.000 --> 01:19:54.680
get go with the purpose of just reading like you would if you're just like I always say,

1112
01:19:54.680 --> 01:19:59.200
as if you were reading a fiction book, which is like, you're like, this is fun, and you

1113
01:19:59.200 --> 01:20:00.000
just read you're not.

1114
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.800
Trying to your it's it's bubble gum.

1115
01:20:04.640 --> 01:20:19.960
that's what my that's what my mother in law calls books it certain books that are just like nonsense books or books that are just like really fast reads that just don't have much substance to them see my mother in law is a lifelong learner she has two PhDs she loves reading.

1116
01:20:20.360 --> 01:20:30.080
And she loves learning and she has these books that she calls bubble gum books and other words she's just like there's just no substance in them i'm reading them for the absolute heck of it.

1117
01:20:30.360 --> 01:20:40.480
Just because it's fun so read the Bible like that, in other words get break out of this idea that everything with the God is so heavy.

1118
01:20:40.840 --> 01:20:49.920
and have fun with it so you're doing your dancing and then just read the Bible like it just like okay i'm starting a fusions one and i'm just going to read interesting.

1119
01:20:50.800 --> 01:21:00.920
As opposed to Okay, what is it saying hmm yeah it's interesting to know no no read just like okay just keep going okay well I don't really understand that.

1120
01:21:01.680 --> 01:21:15.480
Either but i'm reading it you just read and just finish it finish that book and go to the next one and just enjoy spending time with God and just the fact that Oh, he wrote this book okay so let's enjoy it as opposed to.

1121
01:21:15.960 --> 01:21:18.600
Okay i've got to get something out of it i've got to learn something.

1122
01:21:18.920 --> 01:21:28.840
Don't you know enjoy God be with him, we don't know how to be with God that's basically what i'm trying to say.

1123
01:21:29.520 --> 01:21:40.920
Is you know that love goodness union enjoying God learn how to be with God again where he's not heavy and he's not expecting something of you.

1124
01:21:41.200 --> 01:21:50.280
And he's not waiting for the shoe to drop and watching you and correcting you and when it does in fact that's what I think that i've decided.

1125
01:21:50.920 --> 01:22:02.880
that's what i'm expecting to do this next rest intensive on I think i'm going to start it April 1 this, of course, is the anniversary date and it's going to be about deeply connecting I think it is unless God changes that.

1126
01:22:03.440 --> 01:22:09.680
And I think it's going to be about i'm writing the journal for it right now deeply connecting with God and yourself.

1127
01:22:10.200 --> 01:22:18.720
And it's going to be about I mean i'm still going to have some of the foundational things but it's going to be focused very much on learning how to be with God again.

1128
01:22:19.360 --> 01:22:26.880
You know, in connecting with that love and that goodness and that union and that and just enjoying God and ourselves.

1129
01:22:27.640 --> 01:22:33.320
So anyway, because i've just been learning the it's just been reiterated to me.

1130
01:22:33.680 --> 01:22:42.120
By the Lord that this is a very that this is a piece that's just missing and people aren't are struggling to figure out how to rest in God.

1131
01:22:42.400 --> 01:22:46.800
Because they can't are struggling with that foundation, I was even talking to somebody else.

1132
01:22:47.240 --> 01:22:55.080
On on and Graham cooks team this past weekend, and he was saying the same thing so Graham cook you know teaches about rest as well.

1133
01:22:55.480 --> 01:23:06.960
And so, this guy in in Graham teach about it, and so he was saying he said, you know actually that's what we are discovering because we were like comparing notes what we've discovered in like helping to walk people through.

1134
01:23:07.320 --> 01:23:19.640
shifting into rest and he said, he said, you know people don't know how to be with God anymore, so they don't know how to they don't know how to rest in him and I said, I know I.

1135
01:23:22.880 --> 01:23:24.880
So, and so anyway.

1136
01:23:26.120 --> 01:23:31.640
that's what I would recommend so that are your thoughts before we before.

1137
01:23:32.000 --> 01:23:45.920
that's perfect that's perfect it all goes back to the same thing, but yeah no I appreciate everything yeah no I I am going to get it, I got it, I meant the Spirit has it i'm going to receive.

1138
01:23:46.640 --> 01:23:47.520
that's right.

1139
01:23:47.520 --> 01:24:15.360
And you know, as I as you've done so so so well, making the choices that you have, and I think that you've done this very well as well to just learn to just you know relax and no condemnation notion that'll get you very far just releasing no shame and no condemnation and and i've noticed you i'm progressing in that.

1140
01:24:15.760 --> 01:24:27.960
And really, really making major major strides in that which helps a lot, and so, if you just continue to do things like that as well it'll that'll get you really far.

1141
01:24:28.600 --> 01:24:42.160
With the Lord where and then you'll be able to hear even more with that no shame and no condemnation filter gone with that shame and condemnation filter gone and and so anyway.

1142
01:24:42.160 --> 01:24:59.160
So that should that should help, so I was just so much again my point in summary is just learn how to how to be with be with you God truly is just enjoying him without expecting.

1143
01:25:00.720 --> 01:25:07.760
the gauntlet to come down at any moment, or something bad to happen, or God needs something

1144
01:25:07.760 --> 01:25:16.000
from you, or he needs a right answer, he needs the right decision. And so if you just open up

1145
01:25:16.000 --> 01:25:23.680
and relax and expect good and expect love, that's what the non-believers expect. They don't expect

1146
01:25:23.680 --> 01:25:28.800
that God is harsh. Now, yes, I mean, they're not believing in God, but my point is that they don't

1147
01:25:28.800 --> 01:25:33.600
expect the universe, or whatever it is they're calling it, they don't expect it to be just like,

1148
01:25:33.600 --> 01:25:40.880
oh, everything is wonderful, right? Now, they don't have salvation. But they do. So they don't

1149
01:25:40.880 --> 01:25:48.880
have that. But there's an openness about God that they are receiving. And they're benefiting from

1150
01:25:48.880 --> 01:25:55.680
they're getting to receive the parts of God that they're agreeing with. So if we how much more so

1151
01:25:55.680 --> 01:26:01.840
the sins of God, if we open ourselves up to that. So anyway, my point is that they're not even saved.

1152
01:26:01.840 --> 01:26:07.680
And they're believing in love and openness and goodness, you know, from the universe,

1153
01:26:07.680 --> 01:26:14.000
or Mother Nature, or whatever they've decided to name it, you know. And so we can as well,

1154
01:26:14.000 --> 01:26:19.200
and we can even more so, and we have the foundation for it. We have the fact that God said.

1155
01:26:19.920 --> 01:26:26.240
So my point is that your life won't go to hell in a handbasket, because, because you're not taking

1156
01:26:26.240 --> 01:26:29.680
care of all of these other things, you know, oh, my goodness, what does God need? What does He expect,

1157
01:26:29.680 --> 01:26:35.040
you know, let's make sure you're not missing any commands, or just let it go for a little bit,

1158
01:26:35.680 --> 01:26:41.920
you know, and you'll, because you're going to choose because you're letting go of the trying

1159
01:26:42.000 --> 01:26:49.360
so hard to keep all of the obedience balls in the air. You're letting that go, in order to

1160
01:26:49.360 --> 01:26:55.440
finally do what God is telling you to do. And that's called obedience. And he says, I'm telling

1161
01:26:55.440 --> 01:27:02.560
you to believe me, who do I say that I am, I want you to choose that I am who I say that I am more

1162
01:27:02.560 --> 01:27:10.560
than I'm wanting you to do something. That's first, the other obedience comes because you believe me,

1163
01:27:10.560 --> 01:27:15.200
because you believe I am who I say that I am. That's for where all of the doing comes from.

1164
01:27:15.200 --> 01:27:19.920
That's all in other words, all of that, hey, you know, you know, go apply for this job and go do

1165
01:27:19.920 --> 01:27:25.680
this and do that. So anyway, it's not like you're you have to be worried about everything going to

1166
01:27:25.680 --> 01:27:31.600
hell in a handbasket, because it's, it's being an unobserved, you know, you're not paying attention

1167
01:27:31.600 --> 01:27:35.040
to it, you know, like a like a kid, you know, that you're not watching, and oh, my goodness,

1168
01:27:35.040 --> 01:27:40.400
what's it going to get into? You know, you're doing it in or you're giving that up in order

1169
01:27:40.400 --> 01:27:46.000
to finally do what God's taught you to do, which is to believe him. So to believe that he's good

1170
01:27:46.000 --> 01:27:50.880
to believe that he's love into just to, in other words, give yourself an opportunity to just by

1171
01:27:50.880 --> 01:27:57.520
being with him, to discover more than you knew that he was, that he's actually more fun, he's

1172
01:27:57.520 --> 01:28:04.480
more open, he's more joyous, he's more. I don't know, there's another word that was just on the

1173
01:28:05.040 --> 01:28:10.160
was just right there, but would never come. Anyway, he's just more. So anyway,

1174
01:28:11.520 --> 01:28:18.000
well, I hope that's helpful. Yes, 100%. Yes. Well, this will be in the

1175
01:28:20.240 --> 01:28:26.880
Okay, so it'll be a group in the platform, just like the, you know, the rest intensive is, you

1176
01:28:26.880 --> 01:28:32.320
know, if you go to the interest rest platform, you know, and where we've been doing all of our stuff

1177
01:28:32.320 --> 01:28:36.800
this time, if you go there, and you know, you see the interest rest group, there's going to be one

1178
01:28:36.800 --> 01:28:42.880
that says your name, and that you're only you can see it. So each person has their own group,

1179
01:28:42.880 --> 01:28:47.520
that's their name. And that's where I'm putting all their transformation sessions. But each person

1180
01:28:47.520 --> 01:28:53.040
should only see their name. So that means that only you can see it only have access to this

1181
01:28:53.040 --> 01:28:59.600
private transformation session. So anyway, it's your it's like your private, your private homepage

1182
01:28:59.680 --> 01:29:04.400
content. So alright, so that's where it'll be when I get it uploaded.

1183
01:29:04.960 --> 01:29:07.920
Okay, thank you so much, Ashley. I appreciate it.

1184
01:29:07.920 --> 01:29:10.160
You're welcome. Good to see you, Rita.

1185
01:29:10.160 --> 01:29:10.960
You too.

1186
01:29:10.960 --> 01:29:14.240
All right. Bye.