WEBVTT

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Hi! Hope you all are doing well and having a restful weekend. I love watching

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your live videos so keep them coming everyone. I love learning so much

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from everyone else's journey and it's super encouraging just to see where

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other people are getting hung up. So it's been an up-and-down kind of week

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but definitely some huge breakthroughs. I had my one-on-one with Ashley and that

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was super helpful. I remember when I first got saved and this was 15 years

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ago and I was on the plane to the East Coast to see my family and I was having

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anxiety about going to see them because it's kind of a mission field sometimes

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and I remember having this revelation like, oh I know God's with me everywhere

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I go. I hear it all the time but I'm flying on the plane and I'm like, oh my

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gosh no God's really with me. It's like the revelation just sinks deeper and

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this whole truth about being one with Christ, we've known it for years and

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years and years like since the moment we got saved we've been hearing about this.

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But after my meeting with Ashley it just sunk to a super super deep level of like

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there is no separation. We're one. Everything I do is Him and everything He

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does is me and we're one and He's been made perfect and therefore I've

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been made perfect and as if I've never sinned. And so immediately like in the

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last few days just all condemnation has fallen, like no pressure to have to do

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things in a certain way or wonder if I said the right thing or did the right

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thing or over the overthinking just stopped and I just was flooded with

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peace for days of going to work and feeling like, oh I just get to be here. I

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just get to delight in Him. There's all these responsibilities and all these

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things that people have expectations that I'm supposed to be doing and I'll

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do them but I'll do them at a pace of peace, at a pace of rest and anything

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that moves beyond a state of rest then I'm not doing it. If it takes me out of

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rest then I know I need to scale back or slow down or whatever I'm doing and if

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the stuff gets done or doesn't get done then it doesn't get done. And like doing

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my job well or the performance of it has never been the issue and just a

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realization that everything I've been battling has been an internal issue not

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an external. It's so easy to find external circumstances to justify the

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offenses or to justify the way that I'm feeling on the inside but it's an

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internal restoration that needs to be done. So yeah I've had a ton of

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breakthrough. Super grateful. It just made me so hopeful of how much more can

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be accomplished and just surrendering things with Him. Like stop. Everything has

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to stop. Just like stop trying so hard. Stop trying to orchestrate this or make

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this happen or think through this scenario and how it's gonna play out and

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so that's been super life-giving and really grateful. And this is just a

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random story but I woke up this morning and went for a walk for like some

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fundraiser walk with a friend and sometimes I just find myself like super

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frustrated or irritable or like angry about certain situations and I'm like

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why am I so frustrated? And it's the control. It's the control of like oh if I

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direct these things or if I you know speak out what it should be or whatever

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then I can control the outcome but things like somebody rested their car

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door on my car and like chipped the paint on it or whatever and that stuff

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drives me crazy of like why like why wouldn't somebody be so self-aware that

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they realize that it's not okay to do that and you just don't do that and

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you're just cognizant that there's cars next to you or whatever. So my day

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started out like that and like whatever it's a stupid car like who cares and

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then I went to a walk with my friend and then I went to meet my other friends for

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a walk and my friends were like meet me at the bottom of Dieselhurst trail right

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and I'm like great yeah I'll meet you there and in my mind there's only one

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place to park.

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There's only one place to meet and so I get there and the one since she's one friend says she's running late and the other

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one said

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That she's there but her car is not there. She's not there. And so I call her and I'm like, hey, I don't see you here

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She's like, yeah, I'm right by the trailhead and I'm like

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Okay. Well, I'm parked in the lower parking lot, but I still don't see you there, but I'm gonna leave my phone in the car

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so I

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Park my car go up there like she's not there and I'm like, ah and then all of a sudden I start defaulting to this

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She's notorious for miscommunication, she doesn't communicate well like she's in the clouds like I

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Always like

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Even at work. I'm always like it's so obvious to me like oh

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We just need to do this this and this and this and like if we if we do it

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it's an easy solution or I don't know if I'm making sense, but I just I feel like I I

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Don't know part of it. It's like I

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Generally, I feel like I have a high capacity

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With with projects to think in a lot of different directions and to multitask and to

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Be able to organize things and move things forward quickly, right

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and then when other people just like are like slow to respond or just like not not

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You know just constantly confused by what's happening around him it just is I'm I'll get super frustrated like I don't get it and

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so and

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Then my other friend went and met her at that the other location where she was parked

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And I'm going what is happening? Like are we going for a walk or not? Like at this one?

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I just want to go home and take a nap

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and then they called and they're like, where are you and I'm like

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I'm at the only location and

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What I didn't see is they had put a link in the group chat of like where to meet

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Anyway all to say all the details are irrelevant the fact that like I was just super frustrated and I'm like

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why do I get so frustrated about these things and

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Clearly I'm the one who

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Seemingly went to the wrong location

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but now I'm frustrated like

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Yeah, ah, I don't know and then I'm like just in the grand scheme of things if I'm getting frustrated with these small things then

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They

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Collectively add up and it is an assault to my physical body

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it's like poison in my body if I'm spending energy and time and thoughts like focusing on these kinds of things and

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so yeah, it's good to just share and

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I mean, I think it happens in lots of areas of life and this is just one random experience that happened today. But um,

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I

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Think I think I'm

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The more I'm resting and just letting the Lord like hey

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if there's stuff that you know on a bubble up and deal with like let it come up and let's

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Handle it, but I'm not gonna go fishing for it. I'm not gonna go

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trying super hard to work it out and

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but I think that

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There's definitely the Lord's been highlighting some traumas and some just things internally like that. He's wanting to

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Surface and I think it was Sicily had mentioned

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That

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Like I'm not really certain how to go about working through those things so it can be sorted out once and for all like I

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Don't want to continue

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Carrying these things

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so sometimes they're like flashbacks from childhood or flashbacks from previous experiences and

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Things that were really traumatic for me and I'm like, why is this still in here?

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Like we've done all the inner healings. We've done all of the top therapy

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the sozo's the

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everything you can think of and it's like

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So if that's not the solution and rest is the solution like what does it practically look like?

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To surface and address some of these traumas and just be done with it. I

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Think I need some measure of framework to like walk through that

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Because he's like revealing it to me so I know it's there

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Um, but I just don't know I don't know where to go from there

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but

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Yeah, I I am

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Going and traveling again next week for work, but just kind of surrendering it to the Lord like

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You want me to show up?

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you're gonna give me energy to do it and I'm just gonna do the best I can and just have fun and

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There was one day last week that I'm like, no, I just really need to work from home today

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So I text my boss and I was like I'm working from home today or I asked I asked

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She's like sure. No problem. And I was like, okay, I'm just gonna release like whatever expectations. I think people had on me or

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or whatever so

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Yeah tons of breakthrough

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still still some I'm not work to do but yeah excited to just keep moving forward

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with you guys okay see you tomorrow night bye