Hi! Hope you all are doing well and having a restful weekend. I love watching
your live videos so keep them coming everyone. I love learning so much
from everyone else's journey and it's super encouraging just to see where
other people are getting hung up. So it's been an up-and-down kind of week
but definitely some huge breakthroughs. I had my one-on-one with Ashley and that
was super helpful. I remember when I first got saved and this was 15 years
ago and I was on the plane to the East Coast to see my family and I was having
anxiety about going to see them because it's kind of a mission field sometimes
and I remember having this revelation like, oh I know God's with me everywhere
I go. I hear it all the time but I'm flying on the plane and I'm like, oh my
gosh no God's really with me. It's like the revelation just sinks deeper and
this whole truth about being one with Christ, we've known it for years and
years and years like since the moment we got saved we've been hearing about this.
But after my meeting with Ashley it just sunk to a super super deep level of like
there is no separation. We're one. Everything I do is Him and everything He
does is me and we're one and He's been made perfect and therefore I've
been made perfect and as if I've never sinned. And so immediately like in the
last few days just all condemnation has fallen, like no pressure to have to do
things in a certain way or wonder if I said the right thing or did the right
thing or over the overthinking just stopped and I just was flooded with
peace for days of going to work and feeling like, oh I just get to be here. I
just get to delight in Him. There's all these responsibilities and all these
things that people have expectations that I'm supposed to be doing and I'll
do them but I'll do them at a pace of peace, at a pace of rest and anything
that moves beyond a state of rest then I'm not doing it. If it takes me out of
rest then I know I need to scale back or slow down or whatever I'm doing and if
the stuff gets done or doesn't get done then it doesn't get done. And like doing
my job well or the performance of it has never been the issue and just a
realization that everything I've been battling has been an internal issue not
an external. It's so easy to find external circumstances to justify the
offenses or to justify the way that I'm feeling on the inside but it's an
internal restoration that needs to be done. So yeah I've had a ton of
breakthrough. Super grateful. It just made me so hopeful of how much more can
be accomplished and just surrendering things with Him. Like stop. Everything has
to stop. Just like stop trying so hard. Stop trying to orchestrate this or make
this happen or think through this scenario and how it's gonna play out and
so that's been super life-giving and really grateful. And this is just a
random story but I woke up this morning and went for a walk for like some
fundraiser walk with a friend and sometimes I just find myself like super
frustrated or irritable or like angry about certain situations and I'm like
why am I so frustrated? And it's the control. It's the control of like oh if I
direct these things or if I you know speak out what it should be or whatever
then I can control the outcome but things like somebody rested their car
door on my car and like chipped the paint on it or whatever and that stuff
drives me crazy of like why like why wouldn't somebody be so self-aware that
they realize that it's not okay to do that and you just don't do that and
you're just cognizant that there's cars next to you or whatever. So my day
started out like that and like whatever it's a stupid car like who cares and
then I went to a walk with my friend and then I went to meet my other friends for
a walk and my friends were like meet me at the bottom of Dieselhurst trail right
and I'm like great yeah I'll meet you there and in my mind there's only one
place to park.
There's only one place to meet and so I get there and the one since she's one friend says she's running late and the other
one said
That she's there but her car is not there. She's not there. And so I call her and I'm like, hey, I don't see you here
She's like, yeah, I'm right by the trailhead and I'm like
Okay. Well, I'm parked in the lower parking lot, but I still don't see you there, but I'm gonna leave my phone in the car
so I
Park my car go up there like she's not there and I'm like, ah and then all of a sudden I start defaulting to this
She's notorious for miscommunication, she doesn't communicate well like she's in the clouds like I
Always like
Even at work. I'm always like it's so obvious to me like oh
We just need to do this this and this and this and like if we if we do it
it's an easy solution or I don't know if I'm making sense, but I just I feel like I I
Don't know part of it. It's like I
Generally, I feel like I have a high capacity
With with projects to think in a lot of different directions and to multitask and to
Be able to organize things and move things forward quickly, right
and then when other people just like are like slow to respond or just like not not
You know just constantly confused by what's happening around him it just is I'm I'll get super frustrated like I don't get it and
so and
Then my other friend went and met her at that the other location where she was parked
And I'm going what is happening? Like are we going for a walk or not? Like at this one?
I just want to go home and take a nap
and then they called and they're like, where are you and I'm like
I'm at the only location and
What I didn't see is they had put a link in the group chat of like where to meet
Anyway all to say all the details are irrelevant the fact that like I was just super frustrated and I'm like
why do I get so frustrated about these things and
Clearly I'm the one who
Seemingly went to the wrong location
but now I'm frustrated like
Yeah, ah, I don't know and then I'm like just in the grand scheme of things if I'm getting frustrated with these small things then
They
Collectively add up and it is an assault to my physical body
it's like poison in my body if I'm spending energy and time and thoughts like focusing on these kinds of things and
so yeah, it's good to just share and
I mean, I think it happens in lots of areas of life and this is just one random experience that happened today. But um,
I
Think I think I'm
The more I'm resting and just letting the Lord like hey
if there's stuff that you know on a bubble up and deal with like let it come up and let's
Handle it, but I'm not gonna go fishing for it. I'm not gonna go
trying super hard to work it out and
but I think that
There's definitely the Lord's been highlighting some traumas and some just things internally like that. He's wanting to
Surface and I think it was Sicily had mentioned
That
Like I'm not really certain how to go about working through those things so it can be sorted out once and for all like I
Don't want to continue
Carrying these things
so sometimes they're like flashbacks from childhood or flashbacks from previous experiences and
Things that were really traumatic for me and I'm like, why is this still in here?
Like we've done all the inner healings. We've done all of the top therapy
the sozo's the
everything you can think of and it's like
So if that's not the solution and rest is the solution like what does it practically look like?
To surface and address some of these traumas and just be done with it. I
Think I need some measure of framework to like walk through that
Because he's like revealing it to me so I know it's there
Um, but I just don't know I don't know where to go from there
but
Yeah, I I am
Going and traveling again next week for work, but just kind of surrendering it to the Lord like
You want me to show up?
you're gonna give me energy to do it and I'm just gonna do the best I can and just have fun and
There was one day last week that I'm like, no, I just really need to work from home today
So I text my boss and I was like I'm working from home today or I asked I asked
She's like sure. No problem. And I was like, okay, I'm just gonna release like whatever expectations. I think people had on me or
or whatever so
Yeah tons of breakthrough
still still some I'm not work to do but yeah excited to just keep moving forward
with you guys okay see you tomorrow night bye