Hi.
Your hair looks great.
Long again.
Four and a half hours later, here we are.
I know, takes a long time. I know mine.
It's one of those is not and smile.
Yeah.
It's just like, whatever.
Yeah.
When you first met me, he's like, you mean you were driving 14 hours from
Colorado back to Texas just to get your hair done?
It was like, absolutely.
I mean,
I had gotten her.
I got invited to this.
Like Swiss Chalet in the mountains of Colorado.
It was amazing and beautiful.
And there was going to be a group of girls there.
And I was like, oh,
I have to go back in two days.
And I was like,
I don't know how many hours to get there.
And I was flying out the next morning.
We weren't dating or anything at the time.
And she's like, oh, I have to go back in two days. And I was like,
Why?
Oh,
Opened up for my hairdresser.
And I was like,
So, and she's like,
Oh,
You don't ever mess with a woman's hairdresser, you know?
And I was like,
Oh,
I don't know.
It was amazing.
The place.
I was like, well,
I just.
It's another one of those mysteries.
Yeah.
Do you froze there? Did we.
Yeah, you froze. I was like,
Oh,
Yeah, I know.
Well, I'm hoping it's.
It's not our internet.
It'll be okay.
But anyway, so he came in with this,
he came into the marriage with his eyes wide open.
It's like, she's one of those.
Yeah.
But anyway, so your hair looks great.
Oh, my goodness.
Keep freezing.
You'll be able to hear us.
So this is my husband, Ed.
In Norway.
Yeah.
Yeah. She spent a lot of time in the U S including even here in Texas.
Yeah.
My friend's lives in Austin. So it's like.
Family in Dallas. And I'm like, I've never been to Texas.
I'm like, I need to go.
It's on my list.
That's right.
You have a very American accent.
I'm American at heart.
Even have my little flag up on the corner, up on the counter. So.
You're weird. I'm like, it's okay.
Yeah.
It's nice to hear that.
People always pointing out what's bad and wrong about America.
It's nice to hear that.
People do recognize some of the nice things about it.
I'm just like, you know, we could talk about the good things too.
Yeah.
And that is the one who gifted me the tickets to.
Oh, okay. Great.
Anyway, did, did you enjoy the virtual conference?
I mean,
I was able to be at like fractions of it. So.
Yeah.
Yeah. They do that in order to incentivize people to attend live.
So anyway, so, but Ed, I'm so sorry about the, about the time change.
And apparently it wasn't going to be what we all thought it was. And so,
so Ed has a previous.
Appointment.
At three 30. And so he was going to be with it.
He's just going to be with us for half an hour, but anyway, so the,
the pointed, but I'll be able to, you know, continue with you.
You know, after he leaves.
But so the personal ministry time is different than like the
transformation sessions. Cause transformation sessions are about,
you know, questions people have about rest in particular areas.
And then are you familiar with like inner healing things at all?
You know, where you would go to the Lord. Yeah. I figured you would be.
So did you do any YOM stuff with them?
Renata or not?
No, I've done Iris. I've been to Bethel a lot though.
I've been to Bethel a lot though. Done there. So, so. Okay. Yeah.
That's right. And in fact, that's where she met Pedro,
the guy who did a hundred X is she and he were, were at Heidi Baker's
place.
Yeah.
Same time. Yeah.
I've met several people from Iris that went through that whole.
Went through the ministry.
Season where everywhere I went, I was meeting Iris people.
Everywhere. And they would know each other. It was a strange thing.
Like I would go and they were like all in the same class.
Yeah, I met people from Australia, in North Carolina, and that when I was in Jerusalem,
I met a guy from Alaska, who was one of their classmates, and he had an iris Nepal shirt
on and I was like, Oh, hey, man, so kind of some people from there, we started talking
and sure enough, they were, you know, he used to sneak over because they were married, he
used to sneak over to their side, because the married people had the best food.
You know, because, you know, they would, he would sneak over and they would take pity
on them, and they would feed them.
And so there was a whole mess of people in Jerusalem, they were all Irish people.
And I noticed commonly, that they were all transient, they were all going make sense
somewhere like they were just come back from India, or they had just come back from wherever,
but none of them were, you know, Israeli, you know, so it's just bizarre.
So anyway, iris, I've met Heidi before, I mean, briefly, and so that's great.
I've always I always thought about going there myself, actually, I had a prophetic word about
somebody was there, I just gotten somewhere and they were like, I keep seeing the iris
of the eye, I feel like there's a connection that you're supposed to have with iris in
some way.
And anyway, it's a whole long story.
But so anyway, nice to meet you.
Yeah, you too.
And so you're, yes, yeah.
So you're then therefore familiar with like, inner healing and stuff.
And so that is Ed's background, even before he was at Morningstar Ministries, and you
know, that he was there for seven and a half years.
So the years prior to that, for a few years prior to that, he was with an inner healing
ministry that I even got an opportunity about a month or two ago.
Oh, yeah, when this started, and I said that I was in some training.
It was at the training, you know, that he had already gone through years before and
that he like became part of the ministry to help them with.
So this is even more of his wheelhouse than mine.
And that is that, you know, when in shifting into rest and all of that, we there's, there's
a lot of this stuff, even when we do that, when we believe God in new ways, there's all
kinds of stuff that comes up that, that we just kind of need the Lord to address.
It's like, even though he, he answers our prayers and all of that, there's almost like,
he likes to go, there's, there's damage that has been done.
There's stuff that hurts stuff that just hasn't been reconciled with, with the Lord, meaning
like reconciled by his love, not necessarily reconciled as in like, okay, Lord, now I understand
why you did that or whatever.
Sometimes we're just like, Lord, surely there was an easier way.
Why did you do this?
Or why did you allow this?
And so sometimes that still just needs to be, we just need that to be addressed by the Lord.
So that's what some of this time is about is just kind of like, for you to just tell
us like, what really is on your heart, like, you don't have to go like fishing around for
something or whatever, but just like, what just kind of naturally comes up is something
that's important to you between you and the Lord that we can stand in agreement with you
about and that maybe you could get some, that we could just help be, be participants.
And like I said, stand in active agreement with you as you're seeking the Lord, Lord,
this is something that I'd like from you.
I'd like you to heal and address this part, even if you don't answer my deep hearted question
of like, why, why did this have to happen?
Or why did you do this?
Or why did you allow it?
But really, you know, Lord, could you touch that place so that it actually removes the
sting that's there so that all of the damage that's been done, you know, in, you know,
from that point up until now, just gets just not only gets cleansed, but it just, it gets
fixed that that bone was broken.
Yes.
So we're not denying the reality of what happened, but Lord, you come in and you fix it, you
reset it so that now those aspects of my life are stronger, even like in your, even
in your history, it goes back and he heals stuff so that now you get to not only be healed
now, but you get to bear the benefits of God having gone in your history and like changed
the damage that was done to, so that it's so that you no longer, so that all those aspects
of the past of your life, you know, meaning like the internal struggles that you were
dealing with are, uh, have been, have been touched and restored and there's no longer
all of these broken pieces or struggles or whatever.
So anyway, that's what all of that, um, what all of this time is about.
So, so anyway, do you have anything perhaps that, that comes up that's, you know, on your
heart, but in general, just kind of like what's going on with you?
How are you doing?
Yeah.
Um, there's a lot, there's a lot.
things going on. Um, so I just like briefly, since you don't,
well, I don't know how, like, since we just met. I'm here in
Norway. But so what happened I had. I was engaged back in 2010.
Well, that's when I broke off the engagement six weeks before
getting married. And that's when I became a Christian. Like
before that, I remember, I've been talking to God. And I've
been like, if this doesn't work out, I'll become a Christian. I
swear, like, those were my exact words. Lo and behold, six weeks
later, there you go. So my life was in, you know, I was just
like, didn't know up or down, like what was happening. Um, but
that's when I started going to church. And like, he started
going to church, you know, and I was like, Oh, our test is gonna
be our testimony. We're gonna work this out. Well, dodged a
bullet. It was all good. Like it's, it's, but that's when I
started, I feel like the, as soon as I went to started going
to church, which got to talk to me about seven years prior, just
like driving past. Um, I had heard, you should go there.
There were some cool people there. And I was like, okay, I
didn't really pay attention to it. But then when all of this
happened, that thought came back. And I was like, I wonder
what's there. And so I googled it and it was a church. And so
I went to Renata, who has been praying for me at that time for
probably 17 years. Bless her. She's very steadfast. Um, and
anyway, so I was like, okay, it's time for something new. The
first thing that happens is that God takes me to California. Um,
when I was 13, I told my mom, I was like, just so you know, I'm
going to go to the States, I'm going to go to school there, get
married and stay there for the rest of my life. She's like,
okay, well, you know, that'll be fun. Um, she was a bit more
concerned when I left in like 2014. She's like, um, you're
coming back, right? I was like, I hope not. Um, because I called
up my wedding started going to that church got introduced to
Bethel. Anyways, it's a long story. I ended up quitting my
job at a in the oil industry, taking a severance package, and
then moving to the States to attend Iris leader school. So,
um, yeah. So that was like the whole journey. And it was all
I've just always had this amazing, like, enormous pull
towards the States. And God has just been connecting me. I was
telling Ashley with like all these. It's just like all the
most random people been very connected into the Nordic Oscar
thing has been going there every year. Then I met Pedro, you know,
through Shara, who was Heidi's personal assistant. Um, so I
know Heidi's daughter better, like, that's who I hang out
with. But it's all like Iris, LA, Iris, Hollywood thing. So I
think that's one of the things I went there. And I thought I
wasn't going to come back, came back, been back for a while. And
then the last, last fall, I heard God say, you're going to
transition out of your like the company where you're working,
you're going to transition out of there. And I thought, yeah,
you know, I'm going to meet somebody or he's taking me to
the States, like something exciting is happening. And then
I'm going there in March. And I just had the sense, like, if
nothing specific happens, I need to kind of let that go. So I was
like crying on the way home, you know, because I'm like, Oh, this
doesn't work out again. And I just heard God say, I'm not
asking you to give up the dream. I'm just asking you to
surrender. So I was like, well, that's easy. Not. And, yeah, and
then my, my father ended up passing away, like a couple of
months after that. So. So that's the whole thing. And in that,
there's a woman who's been, I get I think, in I don't know if
it's an all of America, or if it's only in Texas, but there's
a law that's called entrapment. And that's pretty much what she
did. So we've now had to go to a lawsuit. So we just handed in
like a lawsuit two weeks ago, which I'm super uncomfortable
with. But it's like, yeah, the lawyers are like, this is what
you have to do. So yeah, so that's where I am in the midst
of all that. And then I started a new job, can't really find my
footing there. And now, a previous boss of me just called
me for an interview, like, let me know today. And I so how so
I feel like I'm in a very much of a transition. I have like
people looking at the apartment doing stuff. And I just feel
like something's changing. I just don't really know what
um yeah and then on top like what we've been talking about obviously is the weight thing
like I think that's my protection thing where I was on a really like that's always been a struggle
in my life but then um I did really good and then after my father died it like yeah spiraled out
again so yeah so I think that's kind of like me and um that's me in a nutshell so there's there's
plenty of things to kind of um yeah I don't I don't really know like what's at the root of
something you know like um one thing I was thinking was with this like lawsuit thing I'm like
oh is there something what's it called like where people are trying to like cheat you out of things
like I don't know but yeah um so yeah yeah yeah yeah so um yeah so what I had written down um
and I don't know what all of this means was uh when I looked at you the first thing I I
I saw I was I heard was like star-studded and that um I I saw I heard star-studded and I saw
like almost like there were seven stars now whether the seven stars are seven things or
seven stars or seven people I saw it almost like an arrangement and then there was something about
California uh and I felt that there was a favor on your life and that there's a in the season you're
in there's like a realignment or an alignment period of vision and so what it let me collect
my thoughts again so what it some of what I feel like is going on it's like there's aspects of
of you that's foundationally that's very strong and that there's a newness of your life maybe
it's your newness in your relationship with God or whatever where you're still soft and malleable
and God is is trying to bring the elements together to more conform to his vision for you
so that you can see yourself almost like the Gideon kind of thing where you're known in heaven
in one way but you see yourself in a way and those things don't align and so an analogy that I would
give would be uh like um I didn't think of myself necessarily I had all the qualities to be a leader
but I didn't necessarily think of myself as one uh I never thought of myself as a forerunner for
instance right well then my history and then the people I was around all of a sudden like I'm around
all of these leaders all the time and I heard somebody say how do you know if you're a leader
like are you around like who are you around are you around a bunch of leaders you know and then I
started developing a history that was contrary to my mindset which was like I would start something
through no and it felt like to me like they were all divine accidents like I
I would joke and said if if Gabriel came with a flaming sword and said I dubbed the prophet
you're right it would be I would be nicknamed the incidental prophet because it's like
it's like I'm accidentally prophetic all the time you know and so so there were all these things
that I would go into uh some people called me a plowman or whatever and things would begin and
then God would move me on to the next thing and it seemed to everyone like it was all about me
somehow like I intentionally did this but I didn't it just was incidental to me being there
and at some point I had to accept the fact that a forerunner is part of who I am and what I am
and I think in a sense there's some of that that's going on in your life I think that there are some
aspects especially when it comes to favor and this whole thing about star-studded I feel like there
is like you have a lot of favor with meeting like as you can tell you some of this in my own life
you have this favor on your life to meet really important people you know there's a favor on your
life like these stars I really feel like they're like people and I don't think it's just like stars
like famous people but I feel like there's almost like a gift of connection that you have that isn't
even into one arena so I think that there's probably if you're not already in in uh in
relationship we'll call it that with people that are famous like Hollywood whatever you want to
call it or artists or things like that there are also leaders and you know like thought leaders
industry leaders and there's going to be this collage of of people
That you have met and you're going to meet.
And it's almost confusing because with so many connections to so many different
things, it's like a scatter diagram or something like, God, what are you doing?
Who am I?
What am I supposed to be doing?
Where am I supposed to be putting my energy?
What am I supposed to set my heart upon?
And then there's promises that you gave me.
None of these things make any sense to me.
I don't see how this is coming together.
You know, and it's like, and it's like the Lord, it's almost like he's
saying, you haven't lost your mind.
You're not crazy.
You know, and, um, and I feel that there is a, an aspect at some point
where one of the stars is you, you know, there was a movie I used to talk
about that was called almost famous.
And it was, uh, it was just, do you know that movie actually, actually
had no idea what that movie was.
Right.
But you're around famous people.
And at some point you are being treated like you're famous, but
in the end, you're really not.
You're just connected to them.
You're just, they're famous.
You're just famous because you're near them.
And, and that's how I walk around and I would feel a lot of the time.
Right.
And I think the Lord's trying to, to ingrain in you that that's not your story.
You're not the almost famous one.
You're not the one that's famous because you know, famous people, that there's an
aspect of the things that these people carry that he's wanting to embed in you.
And that there's almost like a level of confidence that he wants to instill in
your identity and about who you are, that I'll give you the strength to be able to
stand up and stand with these people.
As a, as a friend of mine or ours used to say, Ed, you need to stop looking
at these people like they're above you.
They're your peers, you know, not your, your, your, your idols or your heroes or
whatever, you have to get to a place where you see yourself in a way in, in
humility that, that you're one with them.
That's why you keep getting connected to them.
Because I kept saying, you're going to ask Ashley, like, I don't know
why I keep meeting these people.
Like, I don't know, like I haven't done anything to meet all of these people.
Like, this is crazy.
Like, this doesn't make any sense.
And I'll tell her, like, she'll tell you, like, I'll go like, it's so strange.
I was just thinking about this person today and, uh, and blah, blah, blah,
who they are and blah, blah, blah is what they did.
And that's so, that was such a strange meeting.
I don't know how that ever happened.
And we walked downstairs and they're there the next day and it's like,
and they don't live there.
Yeah.
There.
And I, I feel that there's a, there's a grace on your life.
I think being a carrier of presence is going to be one of
the hallmarks of, of you, of your being.
There are people that I meet that have a gift of healing.
And there are people that I meet that are just like, they are healing.
And I feel that there is a aspect of your life of, um, a little like that
incidental profit thing that I was saying, that, that, that there's a,
there's a grace on your life to release almost incidentally, uh, all the
God has into any given situation.
And for me, then I'm not trying to like put a kinship towards us here, but for
me, I had, I started to rest in that because it's like, I almost prefer that.
Because then I can't get in the way and I can't take credit for any of it.
Right.
It's like all of these accidents, which was frustrating in a way, you know,
because I felt like I was getting credit for all this stuff that I didn't do, or
I didn't feel like I did was really God's grace and protection over myself.
Over me.
And I feel that there's an acceleration getting ready to come into your life.
And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and,
and there is probably some rearranging and healing of some things within you.
Uh, they're not inhibiting you, but they, they create vulnerabilities.
I would call it.
And it's like sore spots, you know?
And it's like, if you have a bruise, you ever like bang your toe and then it's
like, you hit the same toe four times in a row and you don't know why.
And, and it's a little like that.
When you have a bruise, it's like, it's just easy to just keep getting poked there.
And I, and I don't necessarily think there are big gaping things that
need to be dealt with in a way.
And if you've spent any time at Bethel, you've been through sozo, you've probably
done all that kind of kind of thing, but I, I feel like there's a, an.
alignment of the things around you and the things within you that is preceding a release and a
launch. And I feel like not only your launch, I feel that there is a launch that is that you're
going to be a part of the building of platforms and the releasing of people and the launching of
people into their destinies. As a matter of fact, there's something that brings order.
And this may not seem like your current life, okay? Things may feel like it's all over the
map and you're like wild and whatever, but there's a level of order that's coming on your life where
there are things that God is desiring to build upon the earth that he's given to other people
that will never ever make it to earth if there's not somebody to help them build what that is.
And I feel that not only are there things for you to build and things that God's wanting to do
for you and through you and to you, but he's going to use you as the catalyst and the facilitator
to help people solidify and bring to earth what God's wanting to do. And sometimes that's having
the know-how and the structures and the organization and the things, the skills that
you have in the natural to be able to do it. And sometimes it's really, you're talking to someone,
I bet you this happens all the time to you. You're talking to someone, you see somebody's
face over top of them and you think, oh, have you met blah, blah, blah. Like I'm thinking about
this person right here, right? And that's God's gift to you. And that these things are going to
see a rapid acceleration of people being able to do and explode forth into things. And you're
going to be part of that. And so I think that you, at some point in the next three to five,
three to five months and three to five years, you're going to start seeing you being invited
onto teams with people that you don't feel like you have any business being teamed up with.
And I think that you bring a whole lot more to the table than you believe that you do.
Right. And there's also like a little bit of the promise of Jeremiah when he would say,
but Lord, I'm just a youth, you know, you want me, you're saying all these things, but I'm just this
kid like, and he's going like, no, no, no, don't say that. I'm going to put my word in your mouth
and I'm going to watch over my word to perform it. And I think there's an aspect of you in a
similar sense that it's like, who cares if you feel like you came in late to the party,
God's going to make up all of that difference. And you're not just a youth
that you're not just some kid, right. And that your words have power.
And there's an aspect of healing in your life. And I think it's going to manifest in the actual
healing gift itself. I feel like you're going to be a part of the redeeming, the restoring,
and the renewing of people in many different places. As a matter of fact, I see doors opening
to key people in industry and other leaders on thought leaders that is going to open for you
that no one has access to, and you're going to be a big part of bringing them to healing and
restoration. And then they will then be able to be used by God in a way and touched by God that
they never ever would have been able to. So I don't know if any of that makes any sense to you.
It all makes so much sense. Some I've heard before. So that's like confirmation, but
mainly it's just like, yes, this is like my dream. Like this is like, I would love for nothing more
than to be able to help people launch into whatever, like, I want to see the kingdom of God,
you know, like, I just want to see it grow. And I, yeah, it's been one of my main frustrations
where I'm like, ah, there has to be like, actually, you know, like there has to be more like,
yeah. And I can feel it like I can feel it in my spirit. And I'm just like, but I, and I think
that's part of my frustration where I'm just like, which is why it was such a God sent to have like,
you know, the rest intensive and going through that, because I think there was just part of
like, I can feel something is coming. This really resonates. And I just don't know, where do I focus
my energy now? Like, do I stay where I am where I'm like building things and I I'm just being like
a bouncy ball, like I am being sent all over, like, I'm helping them with a lot of stuff,
but it's just exhausting, you know, and I'm like, well, I can do that. But it's just like,
and then I think at this other job, it's like, it's going to definitely be more chill. And it's
more about competency building and leadership development and all of that. So it's going to be
more what I've been doing lately. And I just don't know if like with this job.
that I landed in or cause that was just like sent to me on text and this court case and everything
like it, it's me and my friend were talking about it the other day. And it's like, it's almost like
there's this, um, it's like the devil wants to like exhaust me because he knows something's
coming. And it's like, if I can just exhaust her that she'll be too tired when it comes that she's
just going to have to say like, no. And I'm like, no, that's not happening. So, but I'm just like
a really weighing, where do I go? Like, what is what, you know, like, um, yeah. So yeah,
thank you. I had a pastor that used to say it was the only thing he remembered from seminary
from this one, from one professor. And the guy said, son, if the devil can't make you bad,
he'll make you busy. And, uh, you know, I think, I think for you, there are the doors and it's
discerned. The true discernment isn't good from evil. It's good from almost, you know, good. It's,
it's the turning good from God from in me, I would say yes to anything that was God. And then I ended
up in a mess, uh, because there was more God than I could figure out what to do with. And it was
discerning between what's good and what's God, because there are a lot of good things, but they're
not necessarily, I think that's why the Lord, the model we have is I do only what I see my father
doing. So some of your nose are going to be the most pivotal things that you, that you will ever
do. And, um, I think there's probably is of some other layers of healing. They're going to come
available. I have a, have an idea or two of what some of that may be. So maybe at another time,
if you know that the opportunity opens, we can kind of explore that. Um, and, uh, like I can't
go there now, but I I'd like to know a little more if your relationship with your parents and
your dad in particular stands out to me. Uh, and, uh, I think there's some, I think there's some
peace and release and healing in that one particular area that God wants to do for you.
Yeah. There are some unsaid things that you hold in your heart, uh, that, that are, there are stones
of weight that God doesn't want you to carry anymore. And I don't know what that stuff is.
I don't need to, but, uh, just know that if the, if it's needed, I'll commit myself, uh, however you
guys, you know, need it. If, if that, that comes with need or if time opens up, I'll make time for
it. And I'm sorry that we got our, our daylight savings times, things mixed up. Um, I don't even
know when ours is. I mean, cause we have it, we just haven't had it yet. Like at least put it on
the same time. What are they doing? It has been wonderful meeting you. Unfortunately they have
something else I have to go to, but, uh, I have no doubt there's amazing things, um, to come for
you. I see other places, not just the U S is like Singapore and Hong Kong. And, you know, I see like
Melbourne and Sydney, I see all these things. So I think you're going to have a lot of travel
in your life also. Um, and they're just going to be invitations, you know, you're not going to have
them knock any doors down. Uh, and some of the invitations, some of the goals you're going to
get from God, the invitations that will come when you get there, it's not going to be the invitation
itself. So anyway, I'm sorry, I got to go, but God bless you. God bless you too. That was amazing.
Thank you so much. So, so anyway, do you have any, I mean, I know that you basically just told us,
but do you have any other thoughts that you hadn't, um, hadn't verbalized yet about, I don't
know, any of that or no, I think it's just like, that's just super encouraging. And it's, um,
it, it it's like, it's encouraging to my heart obviously. And it's just, um, and it makes sense.
I think like with this, I, cause I, I said, yes, I'll, I'll attend the interview probably sometime
next week, but it's like, um, I'm trying to, well, like I probably have to like seek God when
it comes to jumble, like, yeah. Or I don't know if that's what we do here or like, but it's just
the sense of like, what do I do while I wait? Cause I like, I know he told me don't give up
your dream. Just let it go. So, so that speaks to my heart where I'm just like, cause I just had
the sense that, well, he's going to be the one who has to open the doors. Cause I really can't,
you know? And then I've had this one word over my life where it was like, oh, um, I just,
I see you writing and it's like, it goes out to other people. Um, and, and, um, Isabel Allum,
I don't know if you've known, uh, know her, she was with the Toronto thing.
Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, she's, she gave me this amazing word also about, which I was reminded of now which,
which is like, oh, there's going to be like a creativity that is gonna be what God uses
me to win back for his kingdom, you know, and I don't necessarily know what that, that
makes sense.
Yeah.
Yeah, or like what that looks like.
And so that's where I'm like, do I stay in this job that I've just been in for seven
weeks now this is the seventh week, or do I if I will I need to get the offer first
but if I do get a job at this other place do I go there.
I've had a very sense of temporary, like, what's it called like I felt like the job
where I am right now is going to be very temporary.
Yeah.
I just don't know if I'm sick is now they're selling the company so I don't know if it
has to do with that.
Or if, like, because now I got like what is saying to like all is, is it they're going
to be an image because some part of me is feeling like at some point you're just going
to need to jump and go, you know, because one part of me is just like, I really like
getting a steady paycheck at knowing what is going on, you know, and then I, it's like
part of me knows that's not my life, like that's not going to be my life, and I'm not
necessarily happy in it but part of me really likes it so I'm not sure if anything will
happen before this court Kate's thing, you know like is over with and then maybe.
I mean if we win that some finances will be freed up to where I will be more flexible
to do things, obviously so yeah.
I guess that is what I'm thinking now like, oh, I guess like agreement and like the court
case going supernaturally fast and just like just need it I just don't need it, I would
like for it to just be over.
Yeah.
And then, and then it's like, what am I going to do with like work, and because the thing
is this new position, well I don't know what it's like but that's in like City Hall so
I feel like it's more.
It could be busy, like, it could be like busy during the day but I still feel like you.
It would free up more time in my day, if that makes sense I'm like, oh, I could walk to
work and walk back so I get my steps and, you know, then I just have 30 minutes where
I have to work out, and you know what I mean like it'll free up time to be able to do stuff
like deep more like deep dive into rest or like Pedro's thing like I have that whole.
I don't know.
I have that whole like crush it with challenges thing I have.
Okay.
Yeah.
But just let me know if you want to look at it.
Um, yeah.
So yeah, so I don't know.
And then there's that and then I think the weight thing is maybe for like the there I
also don't know if there's something hindering like me just like, or even with the whole
rest thing I feel like it's like, it's, it's like I almost get it but I don't quite get
it it's like, I can't really grasp it.
And I know if it gives you encouragement I was just talking to someone at Pedro's conference
so my friend, Lindsay Venzel, she's someone if you have you seen her my interviews with
her on my Facebook, personal Facebook page.
I think I've seen one.
She's the one that was with brain cook.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes, exactly.
So her father in law so Bruce's dad so you remember that the that the platform that I
had the rest of them on that is Bruce and Lindsay's Pedro a day or uses that tribe so
all of this stuff is now on that thing well anyway so Bruce's dad is a consultant for
Pedro and has been for the past 13 months.
He also is the guy who co teaches with a Graham cook like he's like the president of Graham's
company so like Graham owns it and all of that but someone needed to be in that functional
office role and so that's him point is he helps co teach the edge with Graham cook which
is for business leaders etc.
And so I got to sit down and visit with him I didn't know he was going to be there so
it was very exciting because Lindsay said hey I've been meaning to connect you with
my father-in-law because y'all teach the same thing you teach about rest and teach about
like business from us it was like this is great so anyway I got to sit down and talk
with him and he was shocked that my rest intensive is only six weeks he was like I was like because
I was just talking to him.
different things. I'm like, Hey, this is how I run it. And this is what I teach. And he's just like,
actually the only red flag really that's coming up is the fact that it's only six weeks long.
He's like, you know, people really can't get it in six weeks. It was like, well, I just do my best
because I'm thinking about what is something that's a little consumable for people to think
that they can dedicate themselves to. Right. And plus I do it in a very, in a much more intense
format that I think they do. I think that they spread out their times a bit more and me,
I meet more often. And I think it's a little more intense. I could be wrong. But anyway,
my point is as encouragement from someone else, who's doing the same thing I'm doing,
like walking with people. And he was like, giving me the voice of experience.
Actually six weeks is a very short time. So I'm saying that as an encouragement to you,
that it's like, that he's like, actually, how are you doing six weeks? People need more than
that. I'm like, I know, but it's basically just an introduction for people to just help get them
as far as I can, you know, as they're able to. So don't be hard on yourself. It's something that
took me longer than six weeks. Of course, what it means though, is that because I pioneered it,
meaning like I pushed through and like, I didn't pioneer the idea because other people are doing
it. But the thing is, I didn't have someone to really, to really guide me through what I was
doing and what was going on. So it took so much longer. So because of that, I can condense the
time for other people because I've learned how to articulate things. I didn't have anybody to
articulate for me. I just kind of had to discover it and then figure out. So with the Lord, you
know, so what's going on. So anyway, point is have compassion for yourself that even this guy,
who's like, he does it with business leaders or whatever. He's like, I was just, this is a very
time. He's like, we as people have a lot to unlearn. We have this old perspective. So anyway,
be kind to yourself. It really is. Okay. I'm not discouraged in any way. Like I'm super encouraged
and it's, um, and I know I'm going to get there. It's just sometimes I get frustrating. So I think
I've locked into the weight thing because I'm just like one, that's been one thing that I've
been struggling with my entire life. And I think it has to do with like being bullied when I was
younger. And then I started eating, you know, to like overcompensate. And then when things were
difficult with my parents, I would eat, you know, I would eat for comfort. I would eat for love. I
would eat for like all these things, you know, that we all do. And, um, and so for me, I think
I've just kind of like held on. I was just telling Renata, I was like, I feel like that's a thing.
Like if I can get it, I can transfer it to other things. That's like one thing that's going to be
very visible for, cause I was listening again today with like the losing weight and rest. And,
and at one point you say, um, well, you can notice if you want to be there, but you're not really,
you know, uh, and you're still, you know, and I'm like, that's exactly where I am. Like,
I want to be there. And I'm like, yeah, it's good. And it's like, oh my gosh, why are you doing?
Like, and it's like, God, how do I really release it? Like, what is it that I'm so
like protecting myself? Hold it like, yeah. Um, Oh, nevermind. Go ahead. And then, um, I have,
I have something for you that Renata was asking this question. Cause she said that you and she
are holding yourselves accountable to each other for all this. And she, she was running into some,
some stumbling blocks and she said that I helped her over there stumbling blocks.
So I thought, well, I'd repeat them for you just in case it helped, but go ahead.
No, no, no, no. I was just, I was just thinking that, oh, is that like,
you know what I mean? Like, I don't know if it's there like a spiritual thing hindering that,
you know what I mean? Like, or is it like, um, it's yeah. I don't know if it's something that
needs to be like, this is where I get confused too. Like, like, um, um, even in moving forward,
like even the, the, the word that it gave me now, like, okay, well, how do I hold it? Like,
how do I write it down? How do I push into it? You know, like where, um, I receive it fully,
you know? And I'm like, that's great. And it's like, well, what do I do it at all? You know?
And, and like, when do you, um, when do you go in and prayer and fasting? And when do you like
war over it? And when do you not, or can you just rest in it all? You know, like, yeah.
Yeah. Well, generally speaking, I believe that everything's always, I say generally,
okay. Cause then I changed my, my sentence halfway through. So let me back up.
Always done from a place of rest. Yeah. When you quote unquote war,
cause even God talks about that.
That is always done though from rest.
So it's not an either or it's not a, do I rest or do I war or to I do this or do I press
into it?
You do all of those things, but doing them from rest.
And so as opposed to thinking you have to leave it in order to battle, um, if we're
battling it by leaving rest, that's in stress, that's in strife, that's in sweat, that's
a lot of work and a lot of effort.
And then you're going to have to maintain it.
You have to, you have to match and then overpower this, uh, with this, with, uh, you have to
match the strength that's coming at you and then you have to gain more than it does.
That's just exhausting.
So you can battle though, but from the place of rest, which is an effortless overcoming
of the thing that's coming against you or the thing that you're trying to like press
into or whatever you press into it, knowing that it's already been given to you and you
are just standing in agreement with it, um, with the Lord through the process of manifesting
it.
In other words, through the process of it finally coming into reality, I don't mean
you manifesting it as in you're doing it like the law of attraction manifestation.
I mean, the fact that you and God are pressing into it together to co-create until it finally
shows up.
Um, but you do it from the place in which God is creating the outcome.
You're partnering with him.
So you're not bearing the burden of what happens as a result of your action.
You're just carrying, not caring, but you're walking in and flowing in the responsibility
to God of interacting with him and the same communion with him and doing this with him.
And then as a natural result of you focusing on this, this will happen.
You know what it is that y'all are moving towards because he's the one that's doing
it, but you are getting to be part of it.
You're getting to partner with it, but you're not focusing on it.
You're focusing on him and then he creates it.
So that's how we press in together.
That's how we quote unquote, you know, with the Lord and that's how we battle with it's
because it's with leaving the outcome to the Lord, leaving the battle for him to win.
And all we have to do is focus on the Lord while partnering with him in the process of
actually getting the thing done.
But the getting the thing done is not, um, is not, uh, our actions aren't carrying the
weight of getting the thing done or just the actions of being part of the process.
Yeah.
Cause even cause I feel like even now with like the court case or like the job or everything,
I think some things that I've usually done is just like go to worship, be in worship.
And I'm just like, I've like, I've been saying a lot, like, oh, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm coming
at I'm, I'm praying from victory, not towards victory.
And I'm like, um, declaring from like, so, so when I saw when you were, were explaining
about the levels, I was like, oh, I've been saying this all along, but I've never understood
it.
Cause I've never seen it visually.
And like, I'm like, get it now, like, and the 160 and 30 folds, but then I don't really
know when I'm at, uh, the faith level where I feel like, oh, now I can just speak in authority
and things are just under my feet, you know?
And then, so then when my, my friend Anita will be like, oh, it's time to battle.
Cause the devil's trying to exhaust us and blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like, yeah, but I think we need to do it from rest.
Like we, we have to like come up from this spiritual level where we just do it from rest,
but I just don't really know what that looks like fully.
Like when I do it and then I have, that's what I was looking for.
Cause one of my other friends were like, so I feel like it's coming at me like left and
right.
It's like, oh, this power hour is about curses going into the spiritual realm and breaking
them, you know?
Like, and, and so I get like, I'm like, and then she's like, and then she's like, Jesus
was the first breaker and restoring all things for himself.
And I think we are meant to do that too.
And I'm like, yes, but I don't know what that looks like.
What does it look like from, you know what I mean?
Uh, yes.
So it's from the place that God's already done it.
He's already broken that curse.
We're standing in agreement with it so that it'll come into, so that it will come into
effect.
So he's already, yeah, yeah.
He's already, yeah.
I'm trying to keep, keep thinking, okay, what's one other way I can say it.
Yeah.
He's already done it.
We're coming into agreement with the fact that he's already broken the power of it and
therefore we don't need to quote unquote put up with it anymore.
And we can.
declare and decree as a king over our dominion, that that, which is that this truth has authority
to come in and take effect in our kingdom. That's what we're doing when we're going in,
we're breaking the curses and whatever we're standing in, in the fact that God's already done
it and that we are decreeing that that therefore shall in that is I'm therefore giving it the
authority to have effect in my kingdom. And so it can come down and it can finally be done. So,
and then we can expect it to be done. Why? It didn't matter how hard this thing is battling.
This is a higher truth. So if we give it the authority to come in, it does it period, simply
because it is a higher truth, not because it battled, because the battle already won in order
to make, not in order to make it a higher truth, because it was always a higher truth, but in order
for that, this has already been, this has already been conquered by the higher truth, according to
the laws that had to be fulfilled in order for this to be acknowledged in this world. Otherwise,
this didn't have this manner of speaking wasn't under this jurisdiction until, because again,
it was a bond servant to death and all of that stuff. So Jesus came in and said, Hey, I'll pay
the price that you have determined in your law, meaning like just the existence of the law itself
and what God required that, what God set at the law to require in order for it to be fulfilled,
which was blood payment, which was death and all that. It's like, okay, according to the law
of what it requires in order for it to be conquered in order to be fulfilled or whatever,
I will follow that law. So he followed the laws law of what had to be done in order for it to be
overpowered. And so he basically met all of the, all of the requirements that the law required
in order to be overcome, you met all of the requirements and therefore he proved that he
proved by meeting all the requirements that he was worthy of, of over that, that he was
of higher worthiness than the law. And therefore that the fact that he was of higher worthiness
than the law gave him victory over it anyway. So now that, so now that the, the, the question
has already been answered of whether or not, I mean, even to the law, even to death, even to
everything that the laws are, it, the question has already been answered that it is been over
that it, that this truth has the final say and final authority, but we're the gatekeepers that
let that final authority in or keep it out, but it's already been done. All we have to do is give
it permission. And that's what that whole thing of breaking the curses is and doing that is simply
standing in agreement with that, which already exists with that, which has already been won.
We're just get finally being the gatekeepers and giving it permission and saying that, no,
no, that I'm standing with Christ in that. And that is what is now going to take effect.
So it's not being taken into effect. If I'm not, if I keep telling it a lie about God. So now I'm
going to come into agreement with God, which is now bringing, allowing the truth of what Christ
already did in overpowering it to finally come in and me get to experience the effect that he
overpowered it. So that's what that is. So, so yeah, everything, you know, all of those things,
the battling and whatever, that's all, that's all fine. I mean, God all talks about all of those
things, but from the place of rest, from the fact that it's already been done, not from the fact
that we're asking for it to be done. And so it's the difference between praying as if, as if you're
asking something to be transacted and you're praying, asking for it to come. So it's not there
yet. And you're asking for it to come. It's the difference between that versus, versus praying in
praying, which is starting, uh, starting from beginning from the place of it's already done.
Yeah. Cause that's where I'm like, Hmm, like even in the court case, like how do I pray in that?
Like even, I mean, with the husband thing, obviously it's like, okay, letting go and
giving to rest. And then I'm like, well, should I do like, of course, is it like doing that,
but also calling it into existence or is it like, or into the future, you know, to the present,
I get so confused as to like, when do you just like, yeah.
Um, okay. So it is, sorry. And I was thinking of several things, uh, all at the same time.
And then all of a sudden it train wrecked. And then I couldn't think of a single one.
sold each other out, because I thought about multiple things at the same time. So,
okay, so repeat the question for me again. I think in like all of these things, so it's like,
because now we filed, so with this one thing, now we've filed a lawsuit. So at some point,
in the system, how it is now, first something's going to happen, and then we get called in,
and then you get an actual date, and this could all drag out for another year or something.
But part of me is thinking, okay, well,
God, it's evident that somebody's been stealing, and it says if the enemy has been caught in
stealing, he has to pay back sevenfold. And it's like, I don't really, I don't really like,
but then I don't want to hold accusations against it, but I am, because I'm the one suing,
you know, alongside my sister. So I'm like, how do I kind of deal with, like, how do I
go about that and rest, you know, like, do I just like give it to God and let it go,
like, just leave it? Or do I, like, continue to pray from a place of rest and declare things?
And like, and that's where I feel like with, it can be transferred into many things, like,
okay, I'd love to meet somebody, like, okay, well, I've given it to God. And I feel like
super chill about it, really. And sometimes I even wonder, like, do I really want to meet anybody?
Because I don't feel like I'm being that interested, you know, whenever I talk to people,
you know, like other guys or whatever. I'm just like, like, nah. Yeah, like, when do you know?
So I think in all of these transfers, it's like, the difference between letting it go and rest,
praying and fighting from rest, or having just given up and thinking you're doing all of this
from rest. I guess that's my question. Like, how do I know what to do, when to do what and how I
know if I'm like, yeah. Being in rest is not the same thing as not caring and not feeling and not
feeling and not wanting. So it's just simply giving, it's, it's choosing God over the wanting
is choosing, it's allowing him, it's wanting his character to determine the outcome. Instead of as,
and that being of higher priority to us, not in concept, but an actual choice over our emotions,
then that allows us to be free to feel, to want, and to desire without being overcome by them,
or determined by our feelings. So you're giving, so what, what causes us to be over,
to be subject to or victim to our feelings is, if we are is if our feelings are, well,
not our feelings themselves, but is if tied up in our feelings, how to explain this? Sorry,
I'm not trying to split hairs. I'm also kind of like trying to articulate for myself what actually
is going on. What add to our feelings is kind of like this additional, like desperation. Like,
think of that as like a factor that's added on our feelings. There's nothing wrong with our feelings,
but think of like an added, like say for instance, you wanting to get married. So let's just use that
one. And I may not be describing this exactly how it is you're feeling it, but just use this as a
general principle. Like say for instance, you want to get married. There's a difference between
wanting to get married, which God has says is a very good thing. God says, it's a very good thing
to want. It's a very good thing to desire. He created that. There's nothing wrong with wanting
something, but there's a difference between that and having this extra added factor and element
that gets attached to it of desperation. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yes. That heaviness part
is indicative of the fact that what it, that wrapped up in your desire to get married
is this belief that you need it. This thing that that is more important than God manifesting his
character into my life. That is more important than God in my life. You know, that kind of a
thing that desperateness indicates the fact that we're not at rest, not the fact that we want it,
but the desperateness or anything heavy that comes with the feeling. Cause all those feelings are
hopeful. They're supposed to feel good. They're not supposed to feel bad. So if they're feeling
bad, that's an indication.
that we're not in rest.
Because then I feel like I've kind of come into rest in those areas a while back, like
both with that, I think now that I'm doing the rest intensive, I may be articulated differently
to God where I'm just like, where I'm more like, well, I feel like you've placed this
in my heart.
And I'm like, I would really love for it.
But it's like you said, like, I don't feel desperate about it before, like, like before
I would get angry if people would be like, oh, well, you know, well, might not happen.
Or, you know, like, oh, you might, you know, you should be ready to be with somebody who's
been married before and has all these kids, you know, like, and it's like, not that there's
anything wrong with any of that.
But it's just like, it would just like, make me so mad because I'm like, you don't get
to like, but also because it was such a big, like, no, I want to like, do all of these
things, like the first, like with whoever I meet, like, I want it to be their first,
you know, like, um, but I'm not there anymore.
You know, I'm just like, but I'm like, whatever you have for me, like, I trust you.
And if you don't have that for me, I trust you to provide for me, like the friends or
the groups, like whatever I need around me.
And I mean, he has done all the time.
But then there's part of me where I think, like what Ed was saying to like with my dad
is like, Oh, there's probably something there that should come up, you know, like, and,
and that's where I've been tying that to the weight as well, where I'm like, okay, in certain
areas.
So, so with, for instance, getting married and kids, I think I'm at risk could very well
be that I am, but a part of me is fearful that I just think that I am.
And because I'm not really, that's why I'm like eating or, you know, like doing these
things.
Yeah.
I completely do.
It's almost like a horrible way to describe this, but it, you remember how, if you have
like a, like if you have stuff like, like acne, and then if you kind of like, if, if
you kind of deal with one of them or whatever, it'll find if it's, if there's something in
your body that's trying to get out, it'll figure out another way to come out, you know,
or like, say for instance, if things aren't passing out of your colon fast enough, you're
toxins will then try to get out of your sweat glands.
It is going to try to find some way to get out if we block it.
So yeah.
I mean, no, you're, you're, you're very insightfully, you know, asking a very legitimate question.
But so my point is like, is, is just kind of like thinking, okay, well, how am I, how
am I feeling?
It's like, they're like this desperateness to it.
In other words, remember that desperateness is born of feeling like there's this burden
that we're carrying with it, this burden of like, that the outcome needs to be this
and I have to somehow get it to happen because if I don't, God won't.
Or if I, if I don't do it the just the right way, then it won't happen.
And God could probably like, I could die and go to heaven.
And God would be like, I gave you the opportunity to do it.
And you're like, well, I don't want to miss it.
You know?
So we feel this with this burden, weight and responsibility of a particular outcome case
in point with a court case.
So if you're feeling like what you do or don't do is determining the outcome and you're bearing
the weight of that, that is unrest, but just the thing of like, okay, no God, you are responsible
for the outcome.
You being responsible for the outcome now leaves me free, free of like the, the obligation
of carrying that weight.
So now I'm just going, I'm going to go through the process of following full through with
the actions of this court case, like meeting with the lawyer and doing this and getting
the paperwork ready and then their lawyer wants this and now I've got to respond to
this and whatever.
And, and, and so you just kind of, you rely on the Lord to take care of what happens as
a result of your actions.
No, you just are free to just do the actions because that's you participating with God
without being without having to carry that heaviness of determining the outcome.
God determines that and let his character determine that not his not his connivingness
and his like manipulation of things and his like, well, I'm going to cause this to happen
because I'm going to teach you a lesson or I'm going to, you know, I'm going to do this
or I'm going to do that.
It's his character being expressed to into the world in order to change it in order to.
And so if you partner with that, if you partner with, yes, Lord, whatever, that's his will
is to it.
My main thing is here.
Like I've been praying for like.
her salvation. I was even praying for her when she was there with my dad, but I was
like, but I don't want you to do this anymore. Like, I don't want you to be able to do this
to other people. I don't think God has that for your life, you know, like, yeah.
Yeah. And so when you were talking about accusation, remember that the biggest thing is not being
an accusation against the Lord. That's when I'm talking about accusation, I'm always,
I've been always referring to that as far as like, you know, like judging other people
or having, you know, revengeful feelings or whatever. Those are things that we give over
to the Lord. Cause we're like, okay, Lord, you determine, you know, this, this person's
outcome or whatever, if it's helpful. Um, you remember me telling you that I've been,
I've gone through a lawsuit as well. And so when I went and when I, when I went through
the lawsuit, um, and, and it finished after a year and a half, um, from the beginning
of it to the end that we were about to go to jury trial and they decided to settle out
of court without any money exchange. Cause they finally realized that we really did have
the proof that we hadn't done what they were accusing us of. And so when they realized
they couldn't get away with it, then they said, okay, we're going to settle out of court.
The only thing is you can't ever tell anybody who we are, which is silly because it's public
knowledge. If you go to the court records, but that's anyway, point is they said that,
they said that and we're like, fine, whatever. So, um, we, um, but when it, when they gave us
that, that, um, when they asked that that's when they presented that offer of settlement,
that I was trying to think of the phrase when they presented that offer of settlement.
Um, and we decided that we, I was in it with my boss and his wife. And when we, and when we
decided to, to accept it on that, we decided, uh, my boss mentioned, you know, actually so
discouraging because it feels so anticlimactic. Everything they did to us, all of the horrible
things and then, oh my word, they could go out and do it to someone else, you know, and whatever.
And we're feeling this responsibility, but again, we're not responsible. We're not responsible for
whether they go out and do it to someone else. We use that as a, as a way of like shame and
motivation of each other of like, well, you've got to, because they could do it to someone else.
We're not responsible for that. So we don't carry the burden of that. We can co-create with God and
partner with his heart towards them in order that they wouldn't do it to someone else, but we're not
responsible for doing certain things in order to get someone to respond in a specific way,
because we can't control someone else. Even if you do all of this and you win,
you can still do it to someone else. You know, it just, it, it's totally outside of our control.
So we really do have to release it to the Lord. That burden is not on you. So my point is that
he said, you know, actually this was very anticlimactic. So I, we got off the phone
and I prayed to the Lord about it. And I said, so Lord, you know, what, what's going on? Could you
help us understand? And he said, and I'm not saying that this is about, that this is the case
with y'all. I'm just saying that this is for me and it might just kind of broaden your perspective.
And then you can ask the Lord, it might prompt some conversation with him where he broadens
your perspective by telling you that it's not what, what he was telling me that our case was about,
but it might be something that y'all hadn't even considered y'alls to even be about. It might kind
of open up something new for the Lord. Anyway. So he told us, he said, he said, Ashley, oh,
by the way, are you, are you, I know it's, I know it's late and so I'll wrap up, but are you okay
on time? Okay. Is, and he's, he said, Ashley, it was never about y'all anyway. He said, all of this,
he said, those people were doing things before y'all came and it was getting worse. He said,
but what I could do is because I could trust y'all and to cling to me, I needed someone I could
entrust with my reputation to be put in the middle of that, causing their true selves to come to
light where I could finally deal with it because they were keeping everything under the surface
and things weren't being dealt with. And they were hurting a lot of people they were. And,
and so now he's like, I used y'all as a catalyst. It was never about y'all. Anyway, y'all, y'all
aren't under threat because you're in a lawsuit. He's like, I could take care of it. You watched
me take care of y'all in this whole thing. Sure. It wasn't comfortable to go through,
but you're not under threat, you know? And so I was like, oh, okay. So anyway, he was just like,
Ashley, it was always about them in the first place. And I could entrust you to, to cling to me
and to not feel threatened and to not be affected and to not meaning like not be corrupted. It
doesn't mean that we weren't hurt or bothered by it or whatever, but we weren't corrupted
by their action and being in the presence of evil. Right. And so anyway, I was like,
oh, wow, that's really powerful. Then eight years later.
Well, or technically I think it was like six and a half, but it was eight years later from
the day that, uh, that they had kicked us out.
And I literally, it was like the movies, they gave me a cardboard box and I had to pack
my cardboard box while they watched me.
I was like, this is horrible.
One of my, one of the friends, one of the people, you know, that we'd poured a lot into
their lives about, and they would come to us for like biblical counsel and all that.
They're standing there making sure that I pack my box and I don't take anything.
I don't steal any information I'm going, it's like, who did they learn about strong
integrity from me?
This is what I taught them.
This is what my boss has taught them and here they are making sure we do it.
I'm like, this is crazy.
Anyway.
So we're like, okay, so we're packing all up and everything.
Anyway, eight years to the day, God called me back there and he said back to that street.
I did not know why I was on that street.
I had avoided that street for eight years because it hurt too bad.
I mean, these are our friends that we'd spent more time with than our own family.
This is the company that I worked at when I would work up to 21 hours in a day.
Remember I've told you that this is the company I don't have to do that, but you're pouring
into people, right?
It hurts deeply.
Like what has happened to your father?
You know, and what it is that someone's done where it's, it's like they've hurt someone
that you love and you had entrusted that person to, to them.
Right.
Anyway.
So, um, and God called me back there.
And by that time I had healed enough on my own relationship with the Lord and my identity
with the Lord, et cetera.
And I felt more that I was truly forgiven of things.
I felt that I truly was who God says that I was.
So in other words, I was spirit, not in my flesh.
You know, I had flesh, but I was actually spirit.
So from that place, I was more healed to finally be able to do what God asked me to do.
And I'm telling you what, I have very rarely been so terrified in my life.
I was shocked at how much I was.
I was physically shaking, very strong person gone through a lot.
And I'd gone through that whole court case years before.
And I was sitting in the parking lot before I walked onto the property of this, of this
old, of this company eight years later.
And I was shaking.
I was like, this is absolutely ridiculous, but you know, apparently I'm really scared.
And so I knew what God wanted me to do.
He wanted me to go back onto the property.
And thankfully the property had changed so that all those corporate offices were now
at a different location.
And this was a retail location and the person there didn't know me.
So I could walk onto the property without engaging in anybody, you know, engaging with
anyone that had seen me before and would want to like, tell me I had to get off their property
or whatever.
And I could literally stand in this spot that I knew used to be the old, cause everything
been rearranged.
I could stand on the spot where I knew that that old office was where they had conspired
against us, where the guy on our team made up lies about us to the company that we were
contracting for saying we were doing things that we weren't, and he lied about us and
everything.
And I knew all of that had happened literally on that part of the floor.
And so because it had been reconfigured and the corporate offices had moved elsewhere,
that floor was open up and I could stand on that spot.
So I stood on that spot and in obedience to the Lord, I forgave them because here's
what was, what was going on.
Not only was I connected to them, like I was still hurt, you know, and I needed to free
myself from that.
They were buried because they had hurt me.
I'm the one given authority by God to be able to release them.
So I stood there and God had done a lot of work in my heart up to this point.
So what I'm telling you is, you know, you can just know, okay, well, this is eventually,
this is really what the Lord desires us to get to the point of, and you can ask the Lord,
Lord, can you help do in my heart what is needed to bring me to the point where I can
do this?
Because remember, this is eight years later.
It's not like tomorrow.
It was eight years.
So God had to do a lot in me to finally get to this point, but I stood there.
Not only did I release and disconnect to me from, from them and free myself and free them.
I then shifted into my spirit so I could bless them like Jesus would, because I was now,
I was no longer threatened.
So I could bless them because I had a, I had a kingly role that could call out good things.
And I asked the Lord, it's kind of like standing before a judge and being the prosecution.
I was like, Lord, I have the right to bring myself to, to bring things against this person
for what it is that they've done, but I'm choosing to release them from it.
I'm choosing to release them from judgment, you know, et cetera.
And it doesn't mean that God can't continue to carry out whatever it is that he needs
to against them, because when they're sinning against us for carrying Christ, they're sinning
against God.
And he takes that up personally, you know, so that, that there's that aspect.
And so that's what I can do that now.
before everything's done kind of. Yeah. Oh yeah. And so what I did though is I blessed them and I
and I said, Lord, I ask that they, that you, um, um, I free them and release them not only
on earth, but in the spirit from having to, from having what it is that they've done against us,
continually brought against them by Satan or by, or even, you know, even by angels or whatever
to accuse them and cause them to continue to bear judgment because of what it is that they did to
me. Now that's not freeing them from what God needs to do with them because they've sinned
against God. This is the aspect in which I have the authority to speak, which is how they've
sinned against me. That is what I, I'm allowed to release. Um, but I, I had to do it. I couldn't
just do it because I wanted to, I had to make sure that the Lord, that they were at the part
and I was at the part with the Lord where, Lord, is this okay? Can I do this? Do I have freedom?
Do I have, is this is, um, you know, and can I do this anyway? So I would do that. Here's the really
big deal. I asked that they, that God would finally bless them. And then if any aspects of
their finances were being hindered because of what they'd done, that, that, that, that blockage
would finally be removed and that they would be able to be blessed to financially, et cetera,
what had happened after we left, just as an indication of some of the things that happened,
these are like the worst things that happened. There were multiple things, but these are the
worst things that I heard about is that the people who came in, there were, I think, three people
that came in after, uh, that, that took the position that my boss had had a CEO of the company
that K or I don't know if it was that, or if it was general manager that they ended up coming
as, but whatever it was, it was his position in the company. They came in after him. And
from what I heard three, from what I remember that I heard, uh, two out of the three people
that followed him in that role committed suicide. It was as if it was as if the role was cursed.
It was bad to commit a suicide. Then the, another guy that had been, we didn't know those people,
but the guy that had been there when we were there, who was over another part of that,
that my boss had had promoted to being over a certain part of the service department,
he committed suicide by a cop. So that's at least two, if not three suicides, it's at least two.
I thought the guy, I thought that the, that what it is that I heard was that it was three suicides.
And so one of those men I knew he'd had dealt with major alcohol. He was a major alcoholic.
And then he started to get clean while we were there, but it continued to struggle on and off
off and on and whatever. But I'm telling you what people were healed so much while we were there
and, and whatever, but, and they were finding the Lord, et cetera. And then we left and I'm
telling you what horrible things happen. Another thing is the guy that was on our team, he worked
for our company that was contracting with this company. He betrayed us and said that we did
things that we didn't do because he wanted the contract. So that was his negotiation with them.
Hey, you know, I'm going to give you all of this stuff and whatever, but Hey, I'll be loyal to you.
So if you've, when you sue them, I'll stick around and I'll take over the contract for you. So I know
all their tips and tricks and all, and I'll do it for you. And so they said, okay, so he took over
our contract. He then embezzled them for over a million dollars after we left. So, I mean,
he did it slowly, you know, so that he couldn't be caught because he, and apparently he, yeah,
anyway, so it was bad, bad, bad, bad. So, and that happened, you know, after, um, and then also there
were more, it was more than that. I mean, we had a very dear friend of ours who'd been fired from
that company. Um, and, uh, while we were there and then in fact, my boss is the one who was
friends with him and had to fire him. Well, after, or while we were in the middle of the lawsuit,
the company reached out back out to that friend that they'd fired, you know, I mean the boss
had fired him, but he, my boss had fired him, but anyway, and asked him to come back and help
this guy. We went to church with, and this guy said, sure. I know that you're suing my friends.
I will come and help you. We're going, wow. Why would you go and do that when they fired us? I
mean, you know, and they not only fired us, they began to chase us for two different, uh, uh,
companies that we were consulting for and, uh, and, uh, threatened those companies unless they,
unless they stopped, unless they canceled their contract with us. So they did.
It's just crazy. So anyway, my point is they were bearing horrible, horrible consequences.
People were dying. They weren't being murdered. They were killing themselves.
It was as if there was this horrible curse that was coming against him to as, as self-destruction
internal, like an implosion of like destroying oneself.
It was terrible.
That is what I went in there.
I mean, so when I went in there, I'm like, Lord, I know that they are bearing the consequences
of what they've done to us, but I released them.
And I asked that you would, that they would turn to you in your kindness, that they would
repent, that they would, that they would seek you ask that you will pour out your, that
your love on them immensely, and that they would all be saved and understand all of these
people are not all of them, but all the leaders they've claimed to be saved.
In fact, some of them, I think may have even become, well, I was going to say may have
become Christians while we were there.
It was a renewing of their faith is what they were saying, but anyway, it, and so the
thing is, it was that it was those circumstances in which I was, I knew that God was asking
me to forgive and to release.
So my point is that's just as an encouragement to you of some stuff that God calls us to,
but we have to ask him, Lord, you know, do in me, what needs to be done to get me to
that point?
So in the end, as an encouragement, again, I don't know what's going on in your situation.
Like it's in like in the spirit realm, what's going on with the court case and what all
that, all I know is that for us, when we ask the Lord, Lord, this is horrible, this feels
horrible or treated horrible, what's going on.
You said it was never about you.
Is that an, oh, and also there was a, a dream that I had while I was in the middle of the
court case where my boss and, and, and his wife and I, um, and again, this was a dream
I had.
It wasn't a vision.
I was asleep.
And we, we, we went down into this cave and we were, and there was this community in this
cave.
And so we were learning all the laws and the rules of this community and everything.
Well, what that was is that was like, that was like literally court law.
Like the lawyers are all telling us none of us had ever been in a court case before.
So we're having to entrust the interest, you know, we're having to trust the lawyers
that they're telling us that, Hey, yes, this is a, this is how, um, how you interact with
other people in the court of law.
Yes, this is, this is, um, integrity.
Yes.
This is lawful.
Yes.
We didn't know some of the stuff that they were, that our bosses were telling us to do.
They were like, Hey, look, this is just the way that the law works.
You have to use these loopholes and you have to get around things like this and you have
to be around things like that.
It just feels dirty.
It doesn't feel right.
And they're saying, no, no, no, trust us, trust us.
You know, this is just the way that it is.
It's not dirty.
It's just the way that you, you work within the law and you're like, okay, you know, you're
just children trying to trust people who are apparently experts, right?
I mean, that's why you hire a lawyer.
You can defend yourself in a court, or at least you can in the United States by yourself.
Why do we hire a lawyer?
Because they know things we don't.
So we have to trust that they, that the things that they're telling us are accurate.
Right?
Anyway.
So that's what the dream was.
It was like, everyone was telling us, by the way, you have to do this.
You have to do this.
You have to submit these papers.
You have to do it this way.
And if you don't, and if you've got to do it in this way, well, that seems conniving
to us.
No, trust me.
It's not.
It's just normal.
And then we're like, okay, anyway, it's like all of these laws and all of these rules of
this is the way that it works.
So anyway, in this dream, we're learning all these laws or all these rules from the community
And oh, this is how we do things, whatever.
And he said, one of the things is once a year, we go to this part of the cave and we look
at the wall and these ghosts appear and we are supposed to give them food.
And so they've never not appeared.
They've always appeared here.
We sacrifice food to them.
That's what we do.
And we're like, okay, so we're standing there at this blank wall, because that time of year
stand there at the blank wall and they've never not appeared.
And so, so me and my friends were looking at each other like, what is going on?
I don't know.
I feel like we're supposed to be scared.
I feel like it is very serious, you know, and we're going, this is crazy.
But at the same time, we're in a world in which everyone's going, no, this is how it
works.
So anyway, the point is the ghost never appeared.
In other words, the outcome that they told us that we should be afraid of and we should
be prepared for never happens.
And sure enough, you know, in reality, because, because the, the, the lawyers were telling
us things like all this doom and gloom stuff, oh my goodness, this could happen.
And if you don't, well, then this is going to happen.
And it all looked horrible.
And so we're just having to ask the Lord to like, Lord, you take over the court case.
You determine the outcome.
You're the one who's going to protect us.
So they're all, they're all prophesying doom and gloom.
And they're the ones who have been in.
number of court cases, and we never have. So Lord, we don't have any reason to believe that
what they say always happened doesn't happen. That's what they say. They say it always happens.
Basically, the thing was in the dream, God was telling me and encouraging me and comforting me
of like, Ashley, know what I say is going to happen will happen. So you choose to submit
the outcome to the authority of the kingdom of God, and not the kingdom of this world,
so that the impossible can happen. So that what normally happens in a court case and where the
way it normally goes, and what normally is the consequence and how people normally act,
doesn't have to happen. Whatever God says, however, God wants to do it, he can adjust
to move things around, because you are choosing to get to rest in him to submit the outcome to him,
and to allow to allow the principles of the kingdom of God to take effect and to overpower
anything that the kingdom, any of the laws by which the kingdom of the world always works.
It's superseded by the kingdom of God, which is how, which is what we call a miracle,
when that which is supposed to happen, doesn't happen. You know, where no, you can't walk on
water and God's like, yeah, you can if you submit to the kingdom, the authority of the kingdom of
God, you get to choose whether to operate within the principles of the kingdom of the world,
or not. It's the same thing with the court case. So anyway, I just say all of that,
you know, as encouragement of like, yeah, there's all kinds of things that you can do to pray.
And, but from the perspective that it's a giving it to God and submitting it to the authority of
his kingdom. And by do, and you do that by being at rest. In other words, okay, my actions are not
determining the outcome. I'm just doing this stuff. But you know what, even if I mess up,
even if the lawyer tells me to do something that I'm questioning, whether or not it's of integrity,
and I asked the Lord, and I can't figure it out. And I do it. And then I discover later, well,
no, no, no, that was a very underhanded thing to do. It's allowed. It's, it's, it's a loophole
within the law. But I know morally, maybe I shouldn't have done that. You know, now I know,
you know, whatever, even if those were things were to happen, that doesn't determine the court case
that doesn't determine what happens. You're submitting all of this to the Lord, it,
your actions are part of the process of you coming into agreement with the Lord in action. It's the
action part of your faith, Lord, I'm believing in you. And therefore I'm doing these things,
not that you're abandoned and alone, and your actions are determining the outcome,
because you're bearing that you're having to bear the weight of the of the outcome. Does that make
sense? So much sense. So yeah. Okay, good. Right. So anyway, that was a lot. And I know we've gotten
over time. But yeah, thank you so much. Yeah, it was so helpful. So I know, I think I know what
to do with my transformation session on Sunday. Okay, good. I think lean into, like, what Ed had
been saying. And like, I think, probably like, how do I respond to that? And, like, how do I know
what to do with staying in the job getting a new one at the same time feeling that maybe God will
be challenging me to jump ship and do something? I don't know which of the three and how to live
and rest in that. And I think that's gonna probably be something to investigate on Sunday.
Okay, yeah, sounds good. Just as a real quick thing that you can do about that between here and now
is remember to that release the outcome of which decision that you make as bearing as as
the action that you release your action from the weight of the outcome of like, okay, am I going to
be following the Lord's will? I'm an army falling? Well, is God going to give me what I want or not?
Because I went sideways. You know, you just and so that's one of the things to start to start
releasing that you're not having your interview until sometime next week, right? No, it's sometime
it was supposed to be on Wednesday. And then I've asked them if I can have it on Thursday or Friday,
because I can't really do Wednesday. But so I'll see. I'll see what they say. But yeah, because
because I think at the root of it, it's probably something that you had mentioned before where it's
like, Oh, well, I've gotten these great words before. And it's like, but it hasn't happened.
And I'm like, part of me is like, so scared where it's like, well, my spirit can be I feel like
something's about to happen, like in the next six months, like, okay, now I hear it. Well, it could
be in the next six months or more within that or within, you know, the next five years, I don't know.
But it's like, I think part of me is just,
I get super hopeful and I love it.
And then I think part of me is like,
really, like it hasn't happened before, so.
Right.
Yeah, exactly.
And just FYI, that's resistance
in accusation against the Lord.
So, and I don't mean that in condemnation.
What I'm saying is,
you're knowing that,
we're like, well, why isn't it happening?
So if we realize, oh, I'm actually,
God's trying to give me something,
I'm actually in resistance.
When we identify, oh, that's resistance,
then it makes us sometimes more ready
to release something that we've been holding onto
if we realize, oh, that's keeping it from me.
So that's my whole point in saying it.
It's not in any condemnation of like,
you will see you're doing something.
No, no, no.
It's like, oh, there you go.
So let that thing go.
It doesn't make it easy to let it go,
but at least you can identify it like,
oh, that's resistance.
Oh, I can do that.
Because it's almost like, oh, that's within my control.
I can do something like that.
And that's what I think,
like both with that and with the weight,
like I get, I was like, oh, I just need to let it go.
But then I'm like,
but in my mind, I want to let it go with my mouth.
I say it, but I still feel that, oh, I'm not there.
You know what I mean?
Like, so I think-
Yeah, I'm still not actually doing it.
Yeah.
Which tools do I go into?
Like, what do I do?
So I think there's might be some similarities
to the both of like,
one is holding accusations against God
and the other I'm holding accusations against my own body.
Correct.
Which is something that we'll talk about on Sunday.
That was, hopefully we'll have time for that.
Because something that I talked to Nauda about
that she said when I worded it to her in a specific way,
cause she said, well, I'm having problems with this part.
And so I was like, oh, I'm glad you worded it like that.
And here's a new way to phrase it.
And she's like, okay, now that makes sense.
Because she was like,
I can't seem to do what you're telling me to do
cause I try to do it and it's not working.
And I can't let it go.
And I'm like, what about if you do this?
She's like, okay, there we go.
So anyway, I think she was trying to let go of something
that wasn't the thing that had to be let go of.
It was this other thing.
And she was like, oh, I can do that.
So anyway, we'll talk about that.
But anyway, so good, I'm glad it was helpful.
And I'm not entirely sure,
but I think that Ed might be able to join us
on Sunday night.
Because see, the reason why we were hurrying
to get all of this stuff done
is he's leaving to go out of town next week.
So that's why I kept asking, hey, what can you do Sunday?
Can you do Monday?
And I don't know why I didn't think about
just doing a transformation session today
and then the personal ministry session Sunday
and just switching him, but that's fine.
We'll see if maybe we can get some personal ministry time
with Ed on Sunday.
I'll have to ask him his schedule.
So anyway, let's go.
So, and just to make sure, then it's the same.
So is it now or is it the other time?
So will it be like now at nine or mine at eight?
So is it two or three?
Let's see, it is, I'm not sure.
Because we put it down as nine, I think.
So that's what I put it down for,
but then I don't know what the,
I just, either it's mine,
I just need to like know in my calendar.
Correct, exactly.
Let me look on my calendar.
Did you set it up or did I?
No, I set it up.
You set it up.
I clicked on the link and just booked it, yeah.
At the very first time, remember, that's why you had.
Oh, there it is, okay.
Okay, yes, all right.
So if you booked it, yes, it's nine o'clock your time
because I'm showing three o'clock my time.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, so yes.
So because you booked it,
Calendly recognizes your time zone in mine.
It was when I booked it that I didn't realize
that I'd had a time change and you all hadn't.
So that was the mess up.
But if you did it, it takes care of all that automatically.
So we're good.
Anyway, hopefully Ed will be able to join us
and be able to help
because he had some stuff on his heart and his spirit
about some stuff
and he's amazing at walking people through stuff.
Yeah, I mean, that would be amazing.
So yeah.
Great.
Okay, and just remember that this
and the personal ministry session and all of that,
well, this is personal ministry,
but this one and the next one that'll come
will be on the platform.
You'll have a separate group that just says your name
and you're the only one who sees it
and then all your stuff's in there.
So.
Yeah, that's perfect.
Thank you so much.
Good to spend time with you.
I'll see you Sunday.
Okay.
Bye.