WEBVTT

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You're on mute.

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Oh, still can't hear you that's so weird.

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It doesn't say you're on mute but I can't hear you.

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The mic is on or your boss. Oh.

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Okay.

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Well, so it says you're connected to audio I still can't hear you. Oh now it says you're muted. Okay, you are muted now. So you are connected, but you're muted.

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There we go.

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I couldn't hear you either so I was like, Oh, what's going on.

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Hey, how's it going.

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But today I'm on phone because my computer decided to not work so you know, but, yeah, I know what that's like. Yeah, we live in a technological world so we have worlds of opportunities.

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That's right.

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So I was actually able to join us today which was exciting because I wasn't, we weren't sure if it would work out with this schedule he's going to be traveling, and this week and so because of all of that that kind of like effects everything and, but he

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was available so the thing is that we were talking about what it is that we were going to do.

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So we just, so we basically decided to just leave it up to you. You could, because I think that you had said that there were things will normally that you know you talked about in the transformation session you have questions about stuff I think you and I talked

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about some of the things that had that you and you were not and I've been talking about that. Yeah, we're not it really like helped.

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And, like, I realized certain things that she was thinking and then therefore that was not allowing her to get breakthrough so I kind of helped her like re understand what I was saying, and so we talked about you and I talking about some of that.

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And then there's also this step that and that Ed had been thinking of of like, Hey, yeah, that we could press into if you would like so we just wanted to leave it up to you.

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What would you like to do, or to start with, and I'm not going to be offended one way or the other. I just, oh no, but yeah no I think that's available for you.

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So I'm thinking let's do that. Yeah.

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That's great. Yeah.

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Because we had talked about that before and you know when, when the stars align and everything works out. There's a reason.

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That's right, exactly.

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Okay, so if I remember.

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I had mentioned something about feeling like there were some things maybe with your parental relationships maybe with your dad.

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You know, and I had a sense about some things with your dad.

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But I wanted to kind of ask about your relationship with your parents, maybe your childhood and, and then specifically kind of like what your relationship with your dad was like and how did things

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end with you guys I just kind of can be a morbid way of saying it but how did things end with you guys.

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And where you're at with it.

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My sense is there's some unresolved things in your heart there.

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Yeah, that's the thing I that was all my heart of feeling like the Lord wanted to deal with today and know that when I go into this place to talk about these things.

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There's a natural tendency for people to want to cover their, their families, or, or they'll say well my relationship is good now.

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But, you know, I don't know, maybe their, their father was an alcoholic the first 20 years of their life.

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And so the damage.

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So because their relationship now is good. They think that the damage that was done for that first 20 years is also good. And it's not right. So, people, when I go to talk about these things.

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It's not going. The intent isn't in any way to dishonor your family. Right. And it's a place for you to talk and to get unburdened before God for those things and it doesn't dishonor the memory of your father or your, or two, or whatever, right

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this is this is this is you being honest and authentic with your own heart, and all of that you got me.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Loud and clear. Yeah, no yeah and that's real I mean that has been a struggle before and I mean it's always.

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I feel like that's always delicate you know with when there are stuff you know because you're supposed to.

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another lady with that. Oh, yeah. When it came to like,

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well, how do I honor him at the same time as speaking the truth

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and love covers a multitude of sin because you know, it's like,

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I don't know how to do that. You know? So So yeah, it's it's

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real. But yeah, I'll try to do like a brief thing. So my

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parents, I grew up so my mom was actually married before she met

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my dad. So she had two sons from before. Um, and from what like,

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so originally, I don't think my dad really wanted them to come

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live with them. So they stayed with their dad. And then he

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married my mom. And they had me and my sister. Well, before I

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think before I was born, they Well, yeah, definitely before I

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was born, my not my oldest brother, but like my second

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oldest brother came to live with us because he wasn't being well

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taken care of. So um, so the brothers were kind of split. So

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my oldest brother grew up with his dad. And then the other

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brother grew up with me and my sister and our parent like my

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mom and my dad. Um, and it was like, so my dad, my dad had a

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lot of great qualities, you know, amazing businessman, all

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of these things. So working constantly, but I mean, he

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would always come home. Um, so I think there was there was always

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a lot of stuff because there was a very, I come from a small

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town. So I don't know if you're from like big towns or whatever.

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But I'm from a small town where people kind of knew each other.

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And everybody kind of knew who my dad was. And so there was

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this, I felt like this expectation of, and it wasn't

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even an expectation is how we lived is like, you know, you

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sweep everything under the rug, and everything's perfect, you

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know, and like all of this. So I've always grew up with a very

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you can't say spotlight, but I sense will kind of like feel like

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I would feel like I was under a spotlight, like, oh, everybody

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has this expectation of what my life looks like, you know, and

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it's like, oh, your dad has this money. So then you know,

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like, you can just like point it out at anything, and you just

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get it, you know, and I'm like, maybe that's your reality of

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like, how you see my life. That's not my reality. Like, I

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have to like work at home, I have to like do all these

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things. And there was always a lot of fighting. So I think when

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I've been reading about it in hindsight, like, a lot of

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narcissistic tendencies, if not, like, I can't diagnose people,

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you know, and but but yeah, checking all the like, I spoke

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to a psychologist after he passed away. And he's also like,

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I can't diagnose, but I can read up like, some traits. And he's

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like, does any of this, you know, sound familiar? And I was

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like, Yes, I can check all those boxes, you know, so there's

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always, so that's been the tension. And I think one of my

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which, like, so one of my powerful memories, I think that

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I've kind of gone through, I mean, because there, these are

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so many layers. But it's, like, I, when I look back at my

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childhood, I think I had a good childhood, I was happy, I was

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given a lot of opportunities, I felt like my both my parents

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were there for me. And I felt very loved, I was bullied, like

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they would sit down with me and talk through strategy. So I

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always felt like they were there, you know. But at the

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same time, my mom would also run away and like, knock on the

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window, like, Oh, my gosh, you know, like, I can't sleep home

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tonight. So I'm gonna like, peace out and like, go sleep at

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my sister's house, because they had been fighting. And my dad

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had a massive rage problem, you know, so he would be mad. Yeah.

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And he would like, he could threaten to like, kill himself.

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He was never abusive with me and my sister, like physically, but

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like verbally, you know? Yes. So it's been like, but to me, that

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was kind of like the normal. So I didn't, you know, you just

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like learn these strategies of how you like, Oh, I have to

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like, don't say this don't you love you learn to dodge a lot

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of bullets to kind of like, try to keep the peace. But yeah,

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yeah. And he was always like the life of the party to set like,

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if I had a party, like all my friends would go up and party

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with him because he was like a fun guy, you know, so it wasn't

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like this horrible person. But I think if we and my mom was stay

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at home, so she was always like very hands on and like helping

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with everything.

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And I think if we fast forward to like 10, 11 years ago

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when I called off my wedding,

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the next year my parents divorced and that was quite,

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so I mean, my mom has been living in this like

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unstable relationship, you know, her entire life.

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And I was scared a lot when they would go on travels

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because I was like, is, you know,

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is everything going to be okay?

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Is it like, I never knew.

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One time when I was young, I remember,

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I think we're in Bulgaria or something like this.

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He had been drinking a lot and, you know,

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he was like walking behind us.

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My mom was trying to take us to the hotel

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and he was like yelling and doing all of this.

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We came to the hotel and I remember he took like

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all the passports and he's like, I'm going to go home

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and you all have to stay here, you know,

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and then you're scared.

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I was like in preschool, you know,

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you don't want to stay in like a different country.

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But then I remember going out and this is like a really,

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which I think makes sense to me

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why I was the only one who had contact with him

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like the last 11 years.

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But I saw him sitting out there and he had been drinking

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and I just looked at him and I don't remember

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if I said like, I love you or something,

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but I looked at him and I went over and I hugged him

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and he just broke down and he was just crying.

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And I think in that moment, it's almost like,

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I don't know if that was intentionally,

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but from that moment, I feel like I've seen him

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like God has seen him like a scared little boy.

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And I think that's what narcissists as well, you know,

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they have some hole, they have some hurt in them,

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which they can't deal with.

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And so they just like, you know, yeah,

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from my limited understanding of how it is.

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Anyways, that's the lens I've seen him through.

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And yeah, so fast forward,

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my mom pretty much finds out

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that he has kind of been living a double life.

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He's had this other woman in his life.

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And when she confronted him, what happened the night

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she moved out is that she's like,

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if I wouldn't have gotten out, like he would have killed me.

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And like, she was really beaten up and like the police came

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and they reported it and it was really ugly.

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And so she never kind of went back to the house

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until this year when we were cleaning out everything.

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So it was quite dramatic.

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Then like she never moved back.

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And so he stayed with him like by himself

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in this like big house.

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The thing is the woman he was with,

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she has always had another family.

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So she's always had another cohabitant

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that she shares a son with.

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So she's my age, you know,

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she's like a couple of years older than me.

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So she had been apparently telling people

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that she was my friend.

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I've never seen her before, you know,

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but this has been going on for years.

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So from that moment,

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I'm the only one having contact with him

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because none of my, like,

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obviously my brothers were like, nope.

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My sister also wanted to kind of like protect her kids

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because she's like, he's so unstable.

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So she would bring them,

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like come along like once a year at Christmas

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because she knew it was important to me

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because I've just like really felt sad for him.

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So gradually it just become worse

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and he started like drinking more and more and more.

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So the last two years he was an alcoholic full blown,

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I would say, you know, but he kind of like,

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and then he got like alcohol dementia.

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And this is where we're now in this,

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where we've, what's it called?

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I don't know what it's called in English,

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but we've organized like for the past year,

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it's like all these legal documents

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because basically what they've been able to document

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is that she has kind of been tapping him

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for $1 million in the past two years.

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So that's a lot of money.

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And basically this is like very outside of his way of

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acting, like that's never been in his nature, you know?

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And it's so, it's very,

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and I'm like, God, it's your money anyways.

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But it's like, it's been,

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I think a part of my thing has always been,

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even now, like people will be like, oh yeah,

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but now you have all this money.

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And it's like, well, yeah, we sold the house,

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but actually everything we sold the house for,

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we have to pay taxes.

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It goes into taxes for the money

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that she has taken out of his company.

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Cause you know, we have this tax system in Norway.

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So it's like, it's, it's a big old mess. But yeah, it's been

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years of trying to just like reconcile and being okay, like,

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a lot of time, I had to be like, come to terms with, okay, my

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identity is not in who people see me as and, and I don't have

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to live up to their expectations of what they think my life is. I

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don't know if that's completely resolved yet. But that's been a

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massive thing. And this also like trying to cover up like,

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who he was, or like focusing on what was good. Yeah, I mean,

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it's, it's definitely complicated. I had a so so

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towards the end, what was really bad is that she was kind of able

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to put this wedge between me and my dad, because I wouldn't, I

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think she was kind of hoping that I can't know this, but what

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it looks like from how she's been operating, I think she kind

227
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of wanted me to just like never like to just give up also, but I

228
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would just always be there. So then she found other ways to

229
00:16:11.040 --> 00:16:14.840
like make herself be signed up as like the next of kin so that

230
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I wouldn't be given any information about his health. I

231
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wanted him to maybe go live somewhere else where he would be

232
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helped, you know, like, so there was a lot of I think, what I

233
00:16:28.800 --> 00:16:32.600
feared has now been confirmed, you know, that he was sitting by

234
00:16:32.600 --> 00:16:39.160
himself a lot. He made up this, like, story that she would come

235
00:16:39.160 --> 00:16:43.000
celebrate Christmas with him. And like, it was all in his

236
00:16:43.000 --> 00:16:46.400
mind, you know, and it's like, it wasn't in his mind. But I

237
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think she would be like, Oh, yeah, I'm gonna be there. And

238
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then she would just never be there. And then he would drink

239
00:16:50.760 --> 00:16:56.240
again. And it was just like this bad thing. So what ended up

240
00:16:56.240 --> 00:17:01.160
happening is it's really, I was in London with my one of my

241
00:17:01.160 --> 00:17:05.640
friends, and we had a great prayer session. And then she was

242
00:17:05.640 --> 00:17:09.119
like, Annette, it's like, I see you've been standing in the gap

243
00:17:09.119 --> 00:17:13.119
for your dad, like holding your hands like this out. And it's

244
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like, God is saying, you can let go now. Like, it's okay. Like,

245
00:17:17.640 --> 00:17:20.599
it's you don't have to. And she's like, not like you've been

246
00:17:20.599 --> 00:17:23.119
standing there by yourself, because God has been there with

247
00:17:23.119 --> 00:17:25.800
you. But she's like, whatever it is you were standing in the gap

248
00:17:25.800 --> 00:17:29.880
for like, it's over. And it's like, I could feel it. I was

249
00:17:29.880 --> 00:17:32.600
like, Oh, it's like this weight came off of me. And I was like,

250
00:17:32.600 --> 00:17:37.240
Yeah, I think it's over. Whatever that was. And that was

251
00:17:37.240 --> 00:17:40.960
before Christmas. And then a lot of things happened anyways, how

252
00:17:41.320 --> 00:17:45.040
he ended up dying is that he fell on the floor and this woman

253
00:17:45.040 --> 00:17:50.440
was there. She called 911. So they came and they took him in

254
00:17:50.440 --> 00:17:56.680
the ambulance to the hospital. She then went in and logged into

255
00:17:56.680 --> 00:18:00.960
his accounts and transferred money. So this is like, after he

256
00:18:00.960 --> 00:18:05.280
was declared brain dead. So I'm like, I don't know how people

257
00:18:05.280 --> 00:18:09.400
become like this. I'm like, I don't understand her way of but

258
00:18:09.400 --> 00:18:13.160
it's Yeah. Anyways, he was taken to the hospital, then I was

259
00:18:13.160 --> 00:18:19.480
called and they said his brain had been removed, like, no had

260
00:18:19.480 --> 00:18:22.680
moved two centimeters. I don't know how much that is an

261
00:18:22.680 --> 00:18:26.080
inches. But it's I mean, it's a lot though. And he was declared

262
00:18:26.080 --> 00:18:28.920
brain dead. And there wasn't really anything they could do.

263
00:18:29.560 --> 00:18:32.640
They said we can operate, there's a 5% chance of him

264
00:18:32.680 --> 00:18:37.200
living. But if he lives, he'll be in a bit like in a vegetative

265
00:18:37.200 --> 00:18:40.760
state, like, yeah. And so they're like, we've just decided

266
00:18:40.760 --> 00:18:43.160
we're not going to do that. So that it was good to not have to

267
00:18:43.160 --> 00:18:47.760
have that choice. So then I sat with him for 16 hours. And I was

268
00:18:47.800 --> 00:18:51.360
just like, had worship music on and I was just holding his hand

269
00:18:51.360 --> 00:18:55.320
and I was just praying and just sitting there and they rolled up

270
00:18:55.320 --> 00:19:00.720
a bed because they didn't know how long things would take. So

271
00:19:02.000 --> 00:19:05.200
he was breathing quite heavily. And I remember part of me was

272
00:19:05.200 --> 00:19:08.480
just like as I was so tired, too. And I was like, Oh, Jesus,

273
00:19:08.480 --> 00:19:11.920
just like help him breathe. Like I need to like sleep also. And

274
00:19:12.520 --> 00:19:18.200
and then it was this beautiful. So I was reminded of when I was

275
00:19:18.200 --> 00:19:22.440
a little girl, and I would fall asleep in their bed. And then my

276
00:19:22.440 --> 00:19:26.280
dad would pick me up and like carry me down to my bed. And

277
00:19:26.280 --> 00:19:29.720
then I was reminded of that. And then the image shifted and I

278
00:19:29.720 --> 00:19:33.160
could visibly see like Jesus picking him up and carrying him.

279
00:19:34.240 --> 00:19:38.680
And he just and and at that point, he like sat up in the

280
00:19:38.800 --> 00:19:42.080
bed. So I thought, Oh my gosh, like he's gonna, you know, come

281
00:19:42.080 --> 00:19:46.720
back to life or something. But I think that's just like death

282
00:19:46.720 --> 00:19:50.120
spasms or something like this. So I like, jumped up and tried to

283
00:19:50.120 --> 00:19:54.000
get somebody and then went back into the room and like rang the

284
00:19:54.000 --> 00:19:57.280
alarm and he took like two more breaths and then he passed out.

285
00:19:57.280 --> 00:20:01.080
And then I was like, Oh my gosh, he's gonna, you know, come back

286
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:06.880
away so I feel like it was a really good ending like I was glad I was there I had a peaceful

287
00:20:01.080 --> 00:20:05.280
to life or something. But I think that's just like, death

288
00:20:06.880 --> 00:20:12.960
ending and at that moment I felt like I did everything I could like that was the sense I

289
00:20:12.960 --> 00:20:18.880
had I was like I did everything I could have done um but then you start second guessing after and I

290
00:20:18.880 --> 00:20:22.720
mean during this time I've been speaking to somebody where I've been like I don't know

291
00:20:22.720 --> 00:20:30.480
how to like yeah cover him how to like love him how to honor him how to like because it was like

292
00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:35.840
massive rejection all the time like he would every time I wanted to come over it's like no no no no

293
00:20:35.840 --> 00:20:44.320
not every time but a lot so yeah so I mean there are and that that's what I've been talking to

294
00:20:44.320 --> 00:20:49.520
Ashley about before it's like oh I felt like this whole like struggle with my weight has always been

295
00:20:49.520 --> 00:20:55.520
tied to my dad because there's something like there's just something that I can't like let go

296
00:20:55.520 --> 00:21:01.520
there's something that I'm yeah so so I know even though I can feel like oh I'm fine like I've worked

297
00:21:01.520 --> 00:21:05.520
through it's like no my body is telling me that there's something I'm holding on to there's

298
00:21:05.520 --> 00:21:11.600
something that's unresolved but I don't really necessarily know what that is um I could like

299
00:21:11.600 --> 00:21:16.880
listen to Christina Aguilera's uh Hurt I think it's called Hurt or something I think she sings

300
00:21:16.880 --> 00:21:23.360
to I don't know if it's to her dad or something but anyway it's about regrets and like not you

301
00:21:23.360 --> 00:21:27.760
know like hurting yourself by hurting them and like I don't know if you're familiar with the

302
00:21:27.760 --> 00:21:33.040
lyrics but yeah I could like break down and cry listening to that one and I'm like oh because

303
00:21:33.040 --> 00:21:39.680
there are so many things I wish I could have done but then dealing with people who have

304
00:21:40.800 --> 00:21:45.280
drinking problems or anything it's kind of like watching them standing in a burning house and

305
00:21:45.280 --> 00:21:51.040
saying hey here's a ladder you know like climb out and they're like nope and it's really hard

306
00:21:51.760 --> 00:22:01.680
yeah but yeah so thanks for sharing you know yeah um I know that there's a probably a whole

307
00:22:01.680 --> 00:22:09.040
nother level of complexity with your mom but your dad seemed to focus uh not that your mom's not

308
00:22:09.040 --> 00:22:17.440
important at all um I uh now I have one other question that's just uh I mean I think

309
00:22:18.560 --> 00:22:23.920
actually I'm going to ask you that it's nothing to do with your dad but is there ever any abuse of

310
00:22:23.920 --> 00:22:30.800
any kind in your childhood no not that I'm aware of like so I'm gonna go with no yeah

311
00:22:32.000 --> 00:22:38.880
it's been asked a lot so it's a fair question but I'm like I'm like no not I yeah no no I mean

312
00:22:38.880 --> 00:22:46.880
I kind of thought the answer was I figured I would I would yeah so so this is where this is

313
00:22:46.880 --> 00:22:54.320
what I felt like um now this is like there was a ministry I worked oh I didn't work for a ministry

314
00:22:54.320 --> 00:22:59.920
that I was a part of uh called Christian Healing Ministries and uh it was started by Francis and

315
00:22:59.920 --> 00:23:06.480
Judith McNutt and a fabulous place and they had a couple of things they did there that I haven't

316
00:23:06.480 --> 00:23:13.280
seen anybody else do there were like the weirdest coolest things I've ever seen they were weird and

317
00:23:13.280 --> 00:23:21.680
awesome at the same time and uh one of them uh was the conception of birth prayer which is that even

318
00:23:22.640 --> 00:23:28.960
in um science is proving that the things that happen to you during when you're in utero affect

319
00:23:28.960 --> 00:23:34.000
you for your whole life so spiritually speaking a lot of people that suffer rejection through their

320
00:23:34.000 --> 00:23:39.440
whole life it comes from the time when they're in the womb that's one thing right people if you

321
00:23:39.440 --> 00:23:45.440
don't have any grid for it they're just like what do you what do you mean you're gonna pray for me

322
00:23:45.440 --> 00:23:50.720
when I was in my mother's stomach like and all that this is so weird right then the other thing

323
00:23:50.720 --> 00:23:58.320
released was this thing called mother father's blessing and uh the way this would function um

324
00:23:58.320 --> 00:24:05.520
like say if you went there for a service or something is um there are certain roles and

325
00:24:05.520 --> 00:24:11.440
responsibilities uh aspects of God you know God the Father is the perfect mother and the perfect

326
00:24:11.440 --> 00:24:18.640
father and no matter how great our parents are they fall short and so there are aspects of the

327
00:24:18.640 --> 00:24:26.160
mother that supposed to kind of teach and to protect in her own way uh and to nurture is the big

328
00:24:26.160 --> 00:24:31.520
big one the mothers are to nurture their children and the fathers are supposed to protect and call

329
00:24:31.520 --> 00:24:38.160
them into identity they're supposed to call them into life and whether things were done to us

330
00:24:39.360 --> 00:24:43.920
uh that whole trauma I think we talked about trauma a trauma b when we were on last time

331
00:24:43.920 --> 00:24:48.160
you know one being the things that happened to you that's the one everybody thinks of was trauma

332
00:24:48.160 --> 00:24:52.720
and then the other is the things that were meant to have happened to you that never did

333
00:24:53.600 --> 00:24:59.680
so there's a lot and that's the harder one to to to heal and that's most there's a lot of people

334
00:24:59.680 --> 00:25:01.680
there's

335
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.960
things their parents did to them that should never have happened.

336
00:25:04.120 --> 00:25:06.520
But also there are the things that they were supposed to receive

337
00:25:06.520 --> 00:25:08.600
from their parents that they didn't.

338
00:25:09.000 --> 00:25:15.660
So, um, so for instance, a lot of, this is a very touchy subject.

339
00:25:15.660 --> 00:25:18.440
I'm going to talk about it anyway, even though I don't know where

340
00:25:20.160 --> 00:25:22.000
Norway stands on all of this stuff.

341
00:25:22.000 --> 00:25:22.320
Right.

342
00:25:22.320 --> 00:25:29.840
But a lot of the foundation for sexual dysfunction or confusion.

343
00:25:30.400 --> 00:25:36.840
Or same sex attraction, all that kind of stuff sometimes can be rooted in these

344
00:25:37.440 --> 00:25:41.040
foundational relationships of the things that they were supposed to get or not

345
00:25:41.040 --> 00:25:43.800
supposed to get and things to happen to you in early childhood.

346
00:25:44.400 --> 00:25:44.760
Okay.

347
00:25:46.400 --> 00:25:51.840
All that being said, if you came to one of these services, uh, what would happen

348
00:25:52.080 --> 00:25:55.280
is, uh, you know, there's a prayer.

349
00:25:56.040 --> 00:25:59.400
Just kind of a can prayer that's read over everyone, or it would be read over

350
00:26:00.400 --> 00:26:04.120
and, uh, then there would be mothers and there would be the father that would do

351
00:26:04.120 --> 00:26:09.440
it, a representational father, a representational mother, then there would

352
00:26:09.440 --> 00:26:13.480
be, uh, and we would call it, um, we, this, we, we would call this a hug.

353
00:26:14.120 --> 00:26:14.600
Okay.

354
00:26:14.920 --> 00:26:17.680
But basically there would be mothers and fathers set up around the room.

355
00:26:18.720 --> 00:26:21.880
Used to be mothers and then fathers, but in this case, we're

356
00:26:21.880 --> 00:26:23.120
going to think of father, right?

357
00:26:23.800 --> 00:26:27.720
And then the opportunity would come and they would be playing all of the

358
00:26:27.920 --> 00:26:31.200
soaking music that pugs on your emotions and everything.

359
00:26:31.200 --> 00:26:31.480
Right.

360
00:26:31.840 --> 00:26:39.160
And you would come up and have the opportunity to talk to your father and

361
00:26:39.320 --> 00:26:45.760
this surrogate father, uh, standing in for your dad would allow you to be able

362
00:26:45.760 --> 00:26:50.600
to tell your father everything that you needed to tell him that you never could

363
00:26:50.600 --> 00:26:57.200
tell him now, whether that it's because it would hurt him because he was too angry.

364
00:26:57.720 --> 00:27:00.560
Because he passed away or whatever.

365
00:27:01.280 --> 00:27:04.920
It would allow you to be able to say everything needs to be said.

366
00:27:06.000 --> 00:27:13.640
And then, then that surrogate father or mother would then tell you, uh, under

367
00:27:13.640 --> 00:27:17.400
the, under the guidance of the Holy spirit, everything that the Lord felt

368
00:27:17.400 --> 00:27:21.840
like you needed to know either on behalf of your earthly father or your heavenly

369
00:27:21.880 --> 00:27:22.200
father.

370
00:27:25.080 --> 00:27:26.360
And that's what I felt like it was.

371
00:27:26.840 --> 00:27:28.760
That's where I was left in my heart.

372
00:27:28.760 --> 00:27:34.720
When we left last time, the father's blessing, not to the

373
00:27:34.720 --> 00:27:36.000
mother's blessing is not needed.

374
00:27:36.560 --> 00:27:36.960
Yeah.

375
00:27:37.960 --> 00:27:38.280
Right.

376
00:27:38.360 --> 00:27:40.640
But I felt like, you know, I didn't know the story.

377
00:27:40.680 --> 00:27:47.040
I felt like there were unresolved things that you had with your dad to be dealt

378
00:27:47.040 --> 00:27:50.400
with and just put the bed in a way.

379
00:27:50.840 --> 00:27:56.000
It wasn't like there were awful, terrible things, but they were

380
00:27:56.400 --> 00:27:59.720
resolved things, uh, in your own heart.

381
00:28:00.280 --> 00:28:01.000
That makes sense.

382
00:28:03.680 --> 00:28:05.760
I know this is very strange, right?

383
00:28:06.280 --> 00:28:07.920
And you're going to hear many times.

384
00:28:07.920 --> 00:28:09.640
Like, I know I'm not your father and I probably don't

385
00:28:09.640 --> 00:28:10.480
look anything like him.

386
00:28:10.920 --> 00:28:11.200
Okay.

387
00:28:11.800 --> 00:28:15.320
Uh, I had one of Ashley's folks say like, well, you kind of look

388
00:28:15.320 --> 00:28:16.640
like some, you're an old white guy.

389
00:28:18.360 --> 00:28:19.680
I was like, I'm an old white guy.

390
00:28:20.080 --> 00:28:23.440
I've never said she's like, I'm so sorry.

391
00:28:30.040 --> 00:28:35.040
But, uh, does this sound like something you'd be willing to do?

392
00:28:35.040 --> 00:28:35.280
I don't know.

393
00:28:35.280 --> 00:28:38.480
We can't hug, but it's something that I have done.

394
00:28:38.880 --> 00:28:40.200
I did many, many times.

395
00:28:40.640 --> 00:28:44.080
And I had to rely very heavily upon the Lord, um, because I'm

396
00:28:44.080 --> 00:28:45.640
not a father in the natural.

397
00:28:45.840 --> 00:28:50.600
And I had at the time I wasn't married and, you know, and I would just say, Lord,

398
00:28:50.600 --> 00:28:52.360
you have to give me your heart for this person.

399
00:28:52.920 --> 00:28:56.000
Uh, and sometimes all I would do is cry with them, you know?

400
00:28:56.040 --> 00:29:01.760
I mean, so, uh, not going to force anything upon you, but does this sound

401
00:29:01.760 --> 00:29:03.840
like something you would be willing to try?

402
00:29:04.800 --> 00:29:05.960
Yeah, absolutely.

403
00:29:06.160 --> 00:29:10.280
Um, I had a psychologist before and he asked me to like write a letter to my

404
00:29:10.280 --> 00:29:12.240
dad and I was like, Oh, I should do that.

405
00:29:12.240 --> 00:29:13.120
And I haven't done it.

406
00:29:13.120 --> 00:29:15.280
Cause it's like, I'm very willing.

407
00:29:15.280 --> 00:29:16.520
I just don't really know.

408
00:29:17.040 --> 00:29:18.440
I don't know what I need to say.

409
00:29:18.440 --> 00:29:19.120
You know what I mean?

410
00:29:19.120 --> 00:29:20.000
If that makes sense.

411
00:29:20.040 --> 00:29:22.880
It's like, Oh, I don't even know where to like, yeah.

412
00:29:23.920 --> 00:29:24.120
Yeah.

413
00:29:24.920 --> 00:29:25.720
Poetic, right?

414
00:29:25.760 --> 00:29:29.240
Like everyone needs to be saying, and I've had people and I'm

415
00:29:29.240 --> 00:29:30.440
like, you're not going to shock me.

416
00:29:30.920 --> 00:29:31.720
You're not going to embarrass me.

417
00:29:31.720 --> 00:29:32.640
You're not going to offend me.

418
00:29:33.320 --> 00:29:38.400
You know, I've had people say, how could you, you know, the first time I had to do

419
00:29:38.400 --> 00:29:42.760
it, this woman walked up and she took one look at me and she goes, I want you to

420
00:29:42.800 --> 00:29:45.240
know, this makes me very uncomfortable.

421
00:29:46.000 --> 00:29:47.320
And I thought, Oh, me too.

422
00:29:49.200 --> 00:29:50.520
But I'm going to do it anyway.

423
00:29:52.240 --> 00:29:54.360
But everybody has mother, father stuff.

424
00:29:54.560 --> 00:29:54.880
Yeah.

425
00:29:56.120 --> 00:29:59.960
And, and sometimes people are just like, I just want you to know that.

426
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:00.540
I miss you.

427
00:30:01.920 --> 00:30:09.360
I could talk to you, you know, or you SOB, you know, you know, you weren't,

428
00:30:09.640 --> 00:30:11.920
you were never there or how could you let this happen?

429
00:30:11.920 --> 00:30:15.320
Or you didn't protect me or it it's whatever it is.

430
00:30:15.440 --> 00:30:17.600
And, but you're going to be led by the Holy spirit.

431
00:30:19.440 --> 00:30:23.520
And this was where this was, uh, it was like kind of out here.

432
00:30:23.640 --> 00:30:26.360
Like it was in the back of my mind that was there.

433
00:30:26.680 --> 00:30:29.600
And that's why I felt like it's important enough that I, I

434
00:30:29.600 --> 00:30:30.880
wouldn't need to come back and do it.

435
00:30:31.040 --> 00:30:31.520
Is that okay?

436
00:30:32.040 --> 00:30:32.360
Yeah.

437
00:30:34.720 --> 00:30:38.480
He's watched multiple people in the, in the rest intensive, in the past

438
00:30:38.480 --> 00:30:39.720
rest intensive through it.

439
00:30:40.200 --> 00:30:43.360
And they, they weren't expecting it because they just on a personal

440
00:30:43.360 --> 00:30:45.880
ministry call and they're like, okay, I don't know what all this is about.

441
00:30:46.080 --> 00:30:48.800
And then the father stuff ended up coming up all the things

442
00:30:48.800 --> 00:30:49.640
they wanted to talk about.

443
00:30:49.640 --> 00:30:51.360
They're like, well, you know, there's all of this.

444
00:30:51.760 --> 00:30:56.320
And then I heard from them afterwards and not only was stuff

445
00:30:56.360 --> 00:30:59.080
broken off of them majorly.

446
00:30:59.440 --> 00:31:03.360
Like, but I mean, these people are like multiple decades into

447
00:31:03.360 --> 00:31:04.720
like father wounds and whatever.

448
00:31:04.720 --> 00:31:08.000
And they've been living their whole life under that with all of the

449
00:31:08.000 --> 00:31:12.720
destruction that had been created within them of the lack because of

450
00:31:12.720 --> 00:31:13.920
things that were done to them or whatever.

451
00:31:13.920 --> 00:31:16.800
So not only were they getting breakthroughs and they, and it was

452
00:31:16.800 --> 00:31:19.600
changing their relationship with their father, if their father was still

453
00:31:19.600 --> 00:31:24.440
around, but also they were, they were feeling so different that they had

454
00:31:24.440 --> 00:31:26.040
to go and start telling everybody.

455
00:31:26.040 --> 00:31:27.040
They're like, oh my word.

456
00:31:27.360 --> 00:31:31.640
I was walked through, you know, this thing of healing with my father

457
00:31:31.640 --> 00:31:33.840
and it has majorly changed my life.

458
00:31:33.840 --> 00:31:37.840
So anyway, just as you encouraged me, I loaded all this I've done.

459
00:31:37.880 --> 00:31:42.720
And, you know, I've even done the mother thing with, um, you know, walk

460
00:31:42.720 --> 00:31:46.920
people through his mother, uh, the mother prayer anyway, go ahead.

461
00:31:48.360 --> 00:31:48.880
All right.

462
00:31:50.000 --> 00:31:50.640
Oh, get up.

463
00:31:52.840 --> 00:31:54.000
God, I get front and center.

464
00:31:54.000 --> 00:31:55.320
So I feel like I'm looking at you.

465
00:31:55.840 --> 00:31:56.120
Yeah.

466
00:31:57.160 --> 00:31:57.720
All right.

467
00:31:58.000 --> 00:32:05.000
Um, um, so, um, we have a little more light in here, sweetie.

468
00:32:05.720 --> 00:32:09.920
Um, so I've already kind of walked you through what this is going to be.

469
00:32:10.440 --> 00:32:10.720
Okay.

470
00:32:11.280 --> 00:32:16.920
And I'm going to, uh, just hit the no, no, no, no, no, no.

471
00:32:17.280 --> 00:32:17.880
The little light.

472
00:32:18.520 --> 00:32:18.760
Yeah.

473
00:32:20.280 --> 00:32:20.880
There we go.

474
00:32:21.720 --> 00:32:24.120
And, um, let there be light.

475
00:32:24.560 --> 00:32:29.280
Uh, so I'm just gonna, you know, I'll pray and then I'm just

476
00:32:29.280 --> 00:32:30.360
going to read this over you.

477
00:32:30.680 --> 00:32:30.960
Okay.

478
00:32:30.960 --> 00:32:33.040
And then in the end, there's one other prayer.

479
00:32:33.320 --> 00:32:37.280
I just throw in for good measure called the, uh, slumbering spirit, you know,

480
00:32:37.280 --> 00:32:44.080
prayer, um, and then, then we'll open up a time and you have nothing to say.

481
00:32:44.280 --> 00:32:45.200
You don't say anything.

482
00:32:45.840 --> 00:32:46.920
I think you probably will.

483
00:32:47.240 --> 00:32:55.280
Um, and, uh, and I, and it's okay if this is, you know, NC 17, you know,

484
00:32:55.320 --> 00:32:58.320
this doesn't have to be PG PG 13.

485
00:32:58.760 --> 00:33:01.640
If you need to unload, then I don't think you do.

486
00:33:01.680 --> 00:33:02.080
Okay.

487
00:33:02.120 --> 00:33:03.040
But then just do it.

488
00:33:03.720 --> 00:33:03.920
Yeah.

489
00:33:04.600 --> 00:33:07.320
And it's not going to, you can, you're not going to offend me.

490
00:33:07.640 --> 00:33:08.080
Okay.

491
00:33:08.240 --> 00:33:08.840
Yeah, no, no.

492
00:33:08.880 --> 00:33:09.160
Yeah.

493
00:33:09.800 --> 00:33:11.120
Just let, just let it go.

494
00:33:11.480 --> 00:33:11.720
You know?

495
00:33:11.720 --> 00:33:12.040
Yeah.

496
00:33:12.400 --> 00:33:12.720
Yeah.

497
00:33:13.280 --> 00:33:16.160
I think that it's a terrible analogy.

498
00:33:16.200 --> 00:33:16.560
Okay.

499
00:33:16.680 --> 00:33:22.480
So sorry, but it's like my mind it's it's popping a bit, right?

500
00:33:22.520 --> 00:33:28.960
I feel like, I feel like this is something that's been coming for a while and it's

501
00:33:28.960 --> 00:33:31.280
time to pop this thing and get past it.

502
00:33:31.960 --> 00:33:32.200
Yeah.

503
00:33:32.880 --> 00:33:33.440
Makes sense.

504
00:33:33.600 --> 00:33:33.960
Okay.

505
00:33:35.080 --> 00:33:39.520
Um, so I'm going to pray quickly and then I'll read this over, uh, wrote this over

506
00:33:39.520 --> 00:33:39.760
you.

507
00:33:40.040 --> 00:33:43.000
So father, I thank you Lord for our fathers and our mothers.

508
00:33:43.920 --> 00:33:47.720
I thank you that you are our father in heaven, the perfect father, the perfect

509
00:33:47.720 --> 00:33:52.640
mother, and no matter how good or how poor our parents were, we know they're

510
00:33:52.640 --> 00:33:53.880
going to fall short of you.

511
00:33:53.880 --> 00:33:59.360
Just as if we're blessed enough to have our own children, then we ourselves are

512
00:33:59.360 --> 00:34:02.840
not going to be perfect and praise God that we have you.

513
00:34:03.480 --> 00:34:06.400
And so I pray Lord that you would give us grace.

514
00:34:06.720 --> 00:34:08.040
I pray for the Holy spirit.

515
00:34:09.000 --> 00:34:10.960
Um, to, to move over there.

516
00:34:11.360 --> 00:34:23.800
Um, and that, um, that, uh, you would help us Lord to be able to, um, to connect

517
00:34:23.800 --> 00:34:29.679
with you, the father, your heart would be present that you would make it known.

518
00:34:30.360 --> 00:34:35.159
Um, the things that you want to touch and that you would move upon a net Lord to

519
00:34:35.840 --> 00:34:40.360
let her know, uh, to, that you are the one that's leading and guiding these

520
00:34:40.360 --> 00:34:45.040
things, that this isn't something that she has to will herself through, that

521
00:34:45.040 --> 00:34:50.280
this is something that you've put your finger on and that you want to, to deal

522
00:34:50.280 --> 00:34:54.920
with in her so that she can be more free and to be able to connect with you in a

523
00:34:54.920 --> 00:34:57.680
new and different way than Jesus name.

524
00:34:58.320 --> 00:34:58.600
Okay.

525
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.920
and close your eyes and get pretty, get comfy, okay?

526
00:35:04.920 --> 00:35:07.920
And I'm gonna read this over you, okay?

527
00:35:07.920 --> 00:35:09.320
Yep.

528
00:35:09.320 --> 00:35:13.320
A father's role is to protect, to provide, to bless,

529
00:35:13.320 --> 00:35:16.480
and to establish his children's identity.

530
00:35:16.480 --> 00:35:19.680
Maybe your father did that for you, maybe he didn't.

531
00:35:20.960 --> 00:35:23.600
Perhaps he abandoned you or abused you sexually,

532
00:35:23.600 --> 00:35:25.560
physically, verbally, or emotionally.

533
00:35:26.520 --> 00:35:29.240
Maybe he dined before you were ready

534
00:35:29.240 --> 00:35:31.480
or left you for some other reason.

535
00:35:32.400 --> 00:35:36.400
Maybe he made you his pet, delighting in you so much

536
00:35:36.400 --> 00:35:38.600
that you haven't been able to break away

537
00:35:38.600 --> 00:35:39.920
to be your own person.

538
00:35:41.200 --> 00:35:44.400
Perhaps he was distant, removed,

539
00:35:44.400 --> 00:35:46.280
and showed no interest in you,

540
00:35:46.280 --> 00:35:49.400
or he terrified you with his anger and rage.

541
00:35:50.400 --> 00:35:54.320
Perhaps he made you the scapegoat for all his troubles

542
00:35:54.320 --> 00:35:57.720
so that you suffered for things other people did to him.

543
00:35:58.600 --> 00:36:00.640
Perhaps he blamed you for things

544
00:36:00.640 --> 00:36:03.600
that were not your fault at all.

545
00:36:03.600 --> 00:36:07.080
Maybe he worked so much or played too hard

546
00:36:07.080 --> 00:36:10.080
and never spent time with you, missed your ball games,

547
00:36:10.080 --> 00:36:13.760
your dance recitals, and your spelling bees.

548
00:36:13.760 --> 00:36:15.760
Maybe he spent too much time with you,

549
00:36:15.760 --> 00:36:18.360
forcing you to become the athlete or student

550
00:36:18.360 --> 00:36:21.720
or doctor or lawyer you never wanted to be.

551
00:36:22.720 --> 00:36:26.400
Perhaps he left you in the care of hurtful, dangerous people.

552
00:36:26.400 --> 00:36:28.800
Maybe he didn't see or believe you

553
00:36:28.800 --> 00:36:30.840
when you went to him for help.

554
00:36:30.840 --> 00:36:33.880
Perhaps he was just too preoccupied with himself

555
00:36:33.880 --> 00:36:37.720
to see anything you wanted or needed then.

556
00:36:37.720 --> 00:36:38.920
I really don't know.

557
00:36:40.240 --> 00:36:41.680
If you're willing to hear the words

558
00:36:41.680 --> 00:36:44.120
of a broken father speaking to you,

559
00:36:44.120 --> 00:36:45.880
please close your eyes for a minute.

560
00:36:47.040 --> 00:36:49.360
I realize that I'm not your father,

561
00:36:49.360 --> 00:36:51.600
but please allow me to stand in for him.

562
00:36:52.560 --> 00:36:54.640
And in the place of your father,

563
00:36:54.640 --> 00:36:58.280
who may or may not have said any of these things,

564
00:36:58.280 --> 00:37:00.680
please allow yourself to hear these words.

565
00:37:01.720 --> 00:37:04.520
I ask your heavenly father to richly bless you

566
00:37:04.520 --> 00:37:07.240
in all the places I failed to bless you.

567
00:37:08.400 --> 00:37:10.200
I ask the Lord Jesus Christ

568
00:37:10.200 --> 00:37:12.680
by the power of his cross and blood

569
00:37:12.680 --> 00:37:17.160
to set you free now from any harsh or cruel words

570
00:37:17.160 --> 00:37:20.840
that I said, especially the ones you keep remembering

571
00:37:20.840 --> 00:37:22.440
over and over.

572
00:37:22.440 --> 00:37:25.160
I am so, so sorry.

573
00:37:26.280 --> 00:37:28.160
I ask the Lord to set you free

574
00:37:28.160 --> 00:37:31.080
from heart injuries you sustained from me

575
00:37:31.080 --> 00:37:34.240
or from others whose care I placed you in.

576
00:37:34.240 --> 00:37:36.880
I ask the Holy Spirit to set you free

577
00:37:36.880 --> 00:37:40.720
from heartache, disappointment, dread, grief,

578
00:37:40.720 --> 00:37:42.920
or rage you cannot resolve.

579
00:37:44.720 --> 00:37:47.280
And I am so sorry for any other struggles

580
00:37:47.280 --> 00:37:49.320
I may have caused you.

581
00:37:49.320 --> 00:37:52.080
May you be healed from being ignored by me

582
00:37:52.080 --> 00:37:53.680
or overindulged by me.

583
00:37:54.840 --> 00:37:58.560
If I ever made you feel less than or not good enough,

584
00:37:59.560 --> 00:38:03.240
I am deeply sorry and ask you to please forgive me.

585
00:38:03.240 --> 00:38:05.360
May the Lord set you free

586
00:38:05.360 --> 00:38:09.680
from working so hard to please me when nothing ever would.

587
00:38:10.560 --> 00:38:12.640
May the Lord set you free

588
00:38:12.640 --> 00:38:17.040
from trying to get from me what I never had to give you.

589
00:38:17.040 --> 00:38:18.440
I am so sorry.

590
00:38:19.360 --> 00:38:21.200
May the Lord set you free

591
00:38:21.200 --> 00:38:24.040
from blaming me for failing you,

592
00:38:24.040 --> 00:38:25.760
not because I need that,

593
00:38:25.760 --> 00:38:28.400
but so that you can be free to grow,

594
00:38:28.400 --> 00:38:30.600
to receive, to achieve,

595
00:38:30.600 --> 00:38:34.760
and to be creative in ways you have not yet imagined.

596
00:38:34.760 --> 00:38:38.480
May the Lord give you all the things I was unable

597
00:38:38.480 --> 00:38:40.600
or unwilling to give you.

598
00:38:41.800 --> 00:38:44.600
May the Lord guide you in ways I never could

599
00:38:44.600 --> 00:38:46.560
and grant you peace.

600
00:38:46.640 --> 00:38:50.120
May the Lord free you from the effects of my addictions,

601
00:38:50.120 --> 00:38:53.040
my anxieties, and my anger.

602
00:38:54.880 --> 00:38:57.160
May the Lord free you from feeling

603
00:38:57.160 --> 00:38:59.760
that you have to always be perfect

604
00:38:59.760 --> 00:39:03.640
or that you have to be what I expected you to be.

605
00:39:04.880 --> 00:39:07.440
I pray that God will help you to see

606
00:39:07.440 --> 00:39:10.120
that the hurt and pain I caused you

607
00:39:10.120 --> 00:39:12.080
came from my own childhood.

608
00:39:12.080 --> 00:39:13.240
It limited me.

609
00:39:13.240 --> 00:39:16.120
I am so sorry if it has limited you.

610
00:39:17.560 --> 00:39:21.200
I pray that God will remove from you

611
00:39:21.200 --> 00:39:24.120
any belief that you were not wanted or loved.

612
00:39:25.360 --> 00:39:27.960
I pray that you have no doubt

613
00:39:27.960 --> 00:39:31.080
that you are the gender you were supposed to be.

614
00:39:31.080 --> 00:39:33.560
I pray that the Lord will release you

615
00:39:33.560 --> 00:39:38.560
from any unhealthy bond that you may have had with me.

616
00:39:38.640 --> 00:39:41.880
I want you to keep all the good that came from me

617
00:39:42.840 --> 00:39:44.480
and give the garbage to God.

618
00:39:45.440 --> 00:39:49.800
My beloved daughter, I love you.

619
00:39:49.800 --> 00:39:51.280
I am so proud of you.

620
00:39:52.160 --> 00:39:54.160
I'm so glad you were born.

621
00:39:55.120 --> 00:39:58.520
Take flight, my love, and soar into the heights of God,

622
00:39:58.520 --> 00:39:59.800
God's destiny for you.

623
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.100
you fly free and live.

624
00:40:06.900 --> 00:40:09.600
So Annette, I know.

625
00:40:11.500 --> 00:40:13.600
I know I don't look like your dad.

626
00:40:14.300 --> 00:40:14.700
Yeah.

627
00:40:18.200 --> 00:40:20.900
But I feel the Father's love for you today.

628
00:40:23.500 --> 00:40:25.900
And if you'll let me stand in for your dad.

629
00:40:26.400 --> 00:40:33.400
I offer you the opportunity to come and tell me anything or everything

630
00:40:33.400 --> 00:40:35.100
that you need to say.

631
00:40:37.600 --> 00:40:40.900
That you never could or that maybe I never heard.

632
00:40:48.800 --> 00:40:49.300
Wow.

633
00:40:56.700 --> 00:41:02.400
Well, first of all, I thank you for being the best father you knew how

634
00:41:02.400 --> 00:41:04.600
to be with what you had.

635
00:41:07.500 --> 00:41:13.000
And I'm sorry that you had so much pain in your own childhood, but I

636
00:41:13.000 --> 00:41:17.900
just wish that you could have talked about it and not.

637
00:41:18.800 --> 00:41:26.100
I expressed it through just anger and rejection and

638
00:41:29.400 --> 00:41:30.400
like I

639
00:41:32.500 --> 00:41:34.000
know you left me.

640
00:41:43.700 --> 00:41:46.700
But many times, yeah, I didn't even know before you said that.

641
00:41:48.300 --> 00:41:49.400
Many times.

642
00:41:51.300 --> 00:41:55.300
There was still some underlying things maybe thinking you wanted

643
00:41:55.800 --> 00:42:00.700
both me and my sister to be boys because that was higher value in

644
00:42:00.700 --> 00:42:03.400
your own parents like especially your dad.

645
00:42:07.500 --> 00:42:09.300
And there were just

646
00:42:12.300 --> 00:42:16.900
so many times I was scared and I didn't know what I had done wrong

647
00:42:16.900 --> 00:42:18.000
and I don't know.

648
00:42:18.000 --> 00:42:22.300
I just I wish you would have invited me more into your business

649
00:42:22.300 --> 00:42:26.800
and what you did like I'm so thankful for all the help you've

650
00:42:26.800 --> 00:42:29.600
given me and I'm like I miss that.

651
00:42:29.700 --> 00:42:33.200
I miss being able to call and be like, hey, can you come help me

652
00:42:33.700 --> 00:42:34.800
build a porch?

653
00:42:37.100 --> 00:42:41.400
And I wish I didn't have to see you just degrade and drink your

654
00:42:41.400 --> 00:42:44.500
life away and make bad decisions.

655
00:42:44.600 --> 00:42:47.400
Um, and I'm really sorry.

656
00:42:47.400 --> 00:42:51.500
I couldn't help you more than I did, but I tried my best.

657
00:42:59.700 --> 00:43:04.900
And I just hope like, you know how much you were loved especially

658
00:43:04.900 --> 00:43:05.500
by me.

659
00:43:08.900 --> 00:43:12.500
Yeah, and I forgive you for like all the hurtful things you've

660
00:43:12.500 --> 00:43:14.400
said which were a lot.

661
00:43:17.700 --> 00:43:20.900
Saying you would like always threatened to

662
00:43:24.300 --> 00:43:29.200
cut me out of the will or that I was like the spawn of devil the

663
00:43:29.200 --> 00:43:31.400
devil or that I

664
00:43:33.900 --> 00:43:37.100
was horrible and just a nuisance or that.

665
00:43:37.100 --> 00:43:37.600
Oh,

666
00:43:39.000 --> 00:43:41.900
yeah, I didn't know how to do anything or that.

667
00:43:41.900 --> 00:43:44.500
I was just fat or that.

668
00:43:48.500 --> 00:43:50.500
Yeah, even

669
00:44:08.100 --> 00:44:12.900
I forgive you for actually telling my ex-fiancé

670
00:44:13.800 --> 00:44:14.300
that

671
00:44:15.900 --> 00:44:19.500
that you were thanking him that somebody wanted your daughter.

672
00:44:24.000 --> 00:44:25.000
I'm so sorry.

673
00:44:31.800 --> 00:44:35.600
Yeah, I don't think you meant it like that, but it was still

674
00:44:35.600 --> 00:44:36.600
very hurtful.

675
00:44:38.200 --> 00:44:38.700
Yeah.

676
00:44:40.400 --> 00:44:41.100
And

677
00:44:42.000 --> 00:44:42.500
yeah.

678
00:44:43.600 --> 00:44:47.000
I wish you would have trusted me more to like teach me about

679
00:44:47.100 --> 00:44:47.700
business.

680
00:44:47.700 --> 00:44:49.200
Like I'm just

681
00:44:51.800 --> 00:44:56.700
even now I have all this stuff to like go through and and

682
00:44:56.700 --> 00:44:59.400
learn and I have no idea how to do it.

683
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:14.240
And I just really want to make you proud and be able to take what you left me and multiply

684
00:45:14.240 --> 00:45:27.600
it and make it into something great and not, yeah, and not just spoil it away or do something

685
00:45:27.600 --> 00:45:34.560
like, yeah, even though I know it's God's, like it's all God's, but yeah, I would love to know

686
00:45:34.560 --> 00:45:41.600
how to steward in a good way and I wish, I wish I would have, I don't know if you even learned that

687
00:45:41.600 --> 00:45:48.000
from your parents, but I wish you would have taught me even if you were scared of not knowing

688
00:45:48.000 --> 00:45:56.240
or scared of like, yeah, I think you didn't even know what you were doing and so you couldn't

689
00:45:56.240 --> 00:46:04.400
necessarily teach it, but I wish you would have tried to teach me what you knew. But I thank you

690
00:46:04.400 --> 00:46:10.880
for still being there doing a lot of great things and protecting me where you could and for

691
00:46:11.520 --> 00:46:21.520
providing a good childhood and for providing me with like things that I needed and I genuinely

692
00:46:22.240 --> 00:46:29.440
think you wanted the best for me and just didn't really know how to do it all the time.

693
00:46:31.680 --> 00:46:36.080
Yeah. Thank you for telling me you loved me though and

694
00:46:39.200 --> 00:46:41.440
for helping me and providing and

695
00:46:44.080 --> 00:46:44.580
yeah.

696
00:46:45.140 --> 00:46:45.640
And I'm

697
00:46:54.740 --> 00:47:00.740
and I'm sorry that I missed out on a lot of times with you the last years, but I was also scared

698
00:47:00.740 --> 00:47:06.580
of like going away alone with you because I didn't know if you would be angry or if it

699
00:47:06.580 --> 00:47:13.060
would be a good time and I know there's a lot of potential great memories that could have been made

700
00:47:13.060 --> 00:47:16.580
but I also had to protect myself.

701
00:47:21.300 --> 00:47:26.740
Yeah. I just wish things would have been differently and different and I

702
00:47:28.580 --> 00:47:34.420
I hurt myself too by hurting you and I'm sorry. I just wish things would have been

703
00:47:35.220 --> 00:47:40.500
different, but I really hope you are in a better place right now and

704
00:47:41.460 --> 00:47:51.220
and I hope I can continue to carry like the good things of your legacy here and that I can maybe

705
00:47:55.060 --> 00:48:02.260
make you proud and I don't know help restore your name in some way.

706
00:48:04.820 --> 00:48:05.320
Yeah.

707
00:48:08.660 --> 00:48:09.160
Yeah.

708
00:48:10.740 --> 00:48:11.240
Yeah.

709
00:48:15.220 --> 00:48:17.220
Yeah. I think that's it.

710
00:48:23.620 --> 00:48:24.660
My beloved daughter.

711
00:48:28.660 --> 00:48:29.700
I'm so sorry.

712
00:48:32.340 --> 00:48:34.500
I'm so sorry for the things that I did.

713
00:48:34.500 --> 00:48:41.620
I remember the day that I found out that your mom was pregnant

714
00:48:43.300 --> 00:48:51.060
and I was so excited and so frightened at the same time because I knew how messed up I was

715
00:48:52.340 --> 00:49:01.380
that I never ever wanted my baggage to become yours. I'm so sorry that I never found the ways

716
00:49:01.380 --> 00:49:09.300
to communicate my love for you in a pure way that you could understand and that one of my

717
00:49:09.300 --> 00:49:17.620
primary jobs was to protect you and I never knew that the one or how to protect you from myself.

718
00:49:19.620 --> 00:49:25.540
I was so broken. There were things that I wanted to give you and I just didn't know how.

719
00:49:26.500 --> 00:49:32.660
I didn't have the capacity but that's no excuse. There are things that you deserve to have.

720
00:49:34.100 --> 00:49:44.180
My beautiful daughter. You are amazing and I love you so much and it breaks my heart

721
00:49:44.180 --> 00:49:53.620
to seeing the damage that my life has had and played as you've grown up. As a father

722
00:49:53.620 --> 00:49:59.780
I wanted you to know how amazing and how special how wonderful.

723
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.220
and what a gift you are, and to call the life

724
00:50:03.220 --> 00:50:07.820
all of the amazing things that God has brought into you

725
00:50:07.820 --> 00:50:09.120
to birth into this life.

726
00:50:09.120 --> 00:50:12.600
And I failed, I failed.

727
00:50:14.740 --> 00:50:16.980
There are things that you needed to hear from me

728
00:50:16.980 --> 00:50:18.180
that you never did.

729
00:50:19.460 --> 00:50:21.020
And one of the ways to protect you

730
00:50:21.020 --> 00:50:25.700
is to create a safe place, a stable place.

731
00:50:25.700 --> 00:50:28.780
I'm so sorry that you had to learn

732
00:50:28.780 --> 00:50:33.620
to protect yourself, including from me,

733
00:50:35.300 --> 00:50:39.700
that you have not known peace in a stable way

734
00:50:39.700 --> 00:50:43.940
your whole life because of my own chaos,

735
00:50:43.940 --> 00:50:46.740
fighting my own demons, so to speak.

736
00:50:46.740 --> 00:50:48.780
I just didn't know any better.

737
00:50:48.780 --> 00:50:53.300
And I, my best just wasn't good enough.

738
00:50:53.300 --> 00:50:58.240
I'm sorry, I didn't have the courage to face my own stuff.

739
00:50:59.620 --> 00:51:04.620
My beautiful daughter, I ask you please to forgive me

740
00:51:06.340 --> 00:51:09.300
for all the things that I've done to you.

741
00:51:09.300 --> 00:51:11.880
And for all of the things that I didn't do,

742
00:51:13.540 --> 00:51:14.860
will you please forgive me?

743
00:51:16.180 --> 00:51:17.440
Yeah, I forgive you.

744
00:51:20.100 --> 00:51:22.820
I'm gonna ask, I'm gonna pray for you.

745
00:51:23.820 --> 00:51:26.600
So father, I pray for my daughter.

746
00:51:27.600 --> 00:51:32.320
With all of my heart, I pray for my daughter today.

747
00:51:33.360 --> 00:51:36.200
And I bless her Lord with everything

748
00:51:36.200 --> 00:51:38.420
that she needs to have from me

749
00:51:38.420 --> 00:51:40.020
that I was unable to give her.

750
00:51:41.060 --> 00:51:44.000
I ask God that you would help her in her heart

751
00:51:44.000 --> 00:51:46.720
to receive the fullness of the beauty

752
00:51:46.720 --> 00:51:50.040
that exists in her life that she cannot receive.

753
00:51:50.040 --> 00:51:53.440
I ask that for every place that she's had

754
00:51:53.440 --> 00:51:55.780
to learn to protect herself,

755
00:51:55.780 --> 00:51:57.620
where I was supposed to protect her,

756
00:51:57.620 --> 00:52:00.980
that you would come and be the protection

757
00:52:00.980 --> 00:52:04.940
and remove all the barriers that she's had to put in place

758
00:52:04.940 --> 00:52:07.140
to keep other people away.

759
00:52:12.680 --> 00:52:16.880
That you would come into the deepest places of her

760
00:52:16.880 --> 00:52:19.320
to give her the overwhelming approval

761
00:52:19.320 --> 00:52:22.400
that she needed to have from me that she never did.

762
00:52:26.420 --> 00:52:29.080
I'm so glad that you gave me a daughter.

763
00:52:31.460 --> 00:52:34.140
And whether I wanted a son or whether I didn't,

764
00:52:35.060 --> 00:52:36.780
she is the gift to the world

765
00:52:36.780 --> 00:52:38.820
and the gift that you've given to me.

766
00:52:38.820 --> 00:52:40.380
And I pray right now, Lord,

767
00:52:40.380 --> 00:52:44.380
that you would bless her sexual identity,

768
00:52:44.380 --> 00:52:46.180
that you would bless her as a woman

769
00:52:47.260 --> 00:52:50.940
and that Lord, anything that she scorned of herself

770
00:52:50.940 --> 00:52:55.580
and of her femininity in a way to try to please me

771
00:52:56.420 --> 00:52:58.780
or that she didn't feel was valued that today,

772
00:52:58.780 --> 00:53:02.500
that you would strip away and you would reinforce,

773
00:53:02.500 --> 00:53:05.460
you remove away the things that are not true.

774
00:53:05.460 --> 00:53:07.840
You would reinforce the things that are

775
00:53:07.840 --> 00:53:11.820
and that Lord, that today that she be celebrated

776
00:53:11.820 --> 00:53:15.060
for all of that she is.

777
00:53:15.060 --> 00:53:17.820
I ask you to fill in all of the protection,

778
00:53:17.820 --> 00:53:20.440
the safety and the security.

779
00:53:20.440 --> 00:53:24.420
I pray right now that you would call forth her identity

780
00:53:24.420 --> 00:53:29.060
in a fuller way than she's ever had in her entire life.

781
00:53:30.540 --> 00:53:33.500
I pray that you would come and father her

782
00:53:33.500 --> 00:53:36.660
and give her the nurturing and the affirmation.

783
00:53:37.940 --> 00:53:39.180
And that Lord, most of all,

784
00:53:39.180 --> 00:53:40.740
that you would take all of the things

785
00:53:40.740 --> 00:53:42.420
that were in my heart towards her

786
00:53:43.500 --> 00:53:45.540
that I just couldn't find a way to give,

787
00:53:46.700 --> 00:53:49.340
that you would impart it to her today

788
00:53:49.340 --> 00:53:50.780
and that it's not her fault.

789
00:53:51.780 --> 00:53:55.280
And that Lord, every place you had to grow up too soon,

790
00:53:56.220 --> 00:53:58.300
that little girl,

791
00:53:58.300 --> 00:54:01.460
that Lord, that you would give her her childhood back,

792
00:54:01.460 --> 00:54:03.420
the child likeness, Lord God,

793
00:54:04.260 --> 00:54:06.980
that Lord, any of the self-destructive cycles

794
00:54:06.980 --> 00:54:09.060
and things that exist in her life

795
00:54:09.060 --> 00:54:10.980
because it came out of my own chaos

796
00:54:10.980 --> 00:54:12.880
that you would strip it away today,

797
00:54:14.660 --> 00:54:17.020
that Lord, you would give her all of the love

798
00:54:18.020 --> 00:54:21.260
that she needed to receive from me that she didn't.

799
00:54:22.580 --> 00:54:25.620
Every tank, every place of the things

800
00:54:25.620 --> 00:54:28.340
that she needed to hear, that she never heard,

801
00:54:28.340 --> 00:54:31.520
that she would be deluged by those things from you today,

802
00:54:31.520 --> 00:54:34.280
that you would set her free from all of my garbage.

803
00:54:35.140 --> 00:54:39.460
Lord, I break the power of all the nasty, heavy things

804
00:54:39.460 --> 00:54:42.700
that I've said over her that she never needed to hear,

805
00:54:43.780 --> 00:54:45.940
that you posed to salve the spirit of her eyes

806
00:54:45.980 --> 00:54:48.780
for all the things that she saw that she never should've.

807
00:54:49.740 --> 00:54:54.060
And most of all, Lord, forgive me for every place

808
00:54:54.060 --> 00:54:59.060
that I have affected her view of you, Father.

809
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:07.160
That you would rewrite what a father is for her to receive and be able to come boldly

810
00:55:07.160 --> 00:55:14.400
before you and receive from you the father in perfection that you are.

811
00:55:14.400 --> 00:55:24.400
And today that she would be affirmed to call forth her identity, that she is 100% loved.

812
00:55:24.400 --> 00:55:26.680
She's received.

813
00:55:26.680 --> 00:55:28.360
She's worthy.

814
00:55:28.360 --> 00:55:30.960
She has to do another thing.

815
00:55:30.960 --> 00:55:32.880
She is my daughter.

816
00:55:32.880 --> 00:55:34.960
I am well pleased.

817
00:55:34.960 --> 00:55:36.240
I am loved.

818
00:55:36.240 --> 00:55:38.280
I love her.

819
00:55:38.280 --> 00:55:43.980
And it's from your heaven father's perspective, I call you beautiful.

820
00:55:43.980 --> 00:55:45.440
You are loved.

821
00:55:45.440 --> 00:55:46.960
You are wanted.

822
00:55:46.960 --> 00:55:48.640
You are desired.

823
00:55:48.640 --> 00:55:52.000
I remember you before the foundations of the earth.

824
00:55:52.000 --> 00:55:56.600
I was there out of the depths of my heart to call you to life.

825
00:55:56.600 --> 00:56:02.200
I was there during the day that all of heaven celebrated when you were conceived and you

826
00:56:02.200 --> 00:56:06.320
were transitioning from the realm of heaven into this earth.

827
00:56:06.320 --> 00:56:14.360
I celebrate and I bless all of the wonderment that I've placed inside of your life.

828
00:56:14.360 --> 00:56:20.240
All of the mysteries that you carry and that are yet to be unfolded before you.

829
00:56:20.240 --> 00:56:26.560
And I speak beauty, strength, love.

830
00:56:26.560 --> 00:56:29.080
And I bless you as a woman.

831
00:56:29.080 --> 00:56:31.240
I bless you as a daughter.

832
00:56:31.240 --> 00:56:33.960
I bless you as a mother.

833
00:56:33.960 --> 00:56:36.240
I bless you.

834
00:56:36.240 --> 00:56:43.280
And I've released you today into the fullness of who you're called to be that my door is

835
00:56:43.280 --> 00:56:46.280
always open.

836
00:56:46.280 --> 00:56:53.600
And I bless your heart and every door to be open today, to receive more of my love

837
00:56:53.600 --> 00:57:02.680
so that you can fully embrace yourself and to be back into your earthly dad.

838
00:57:02.680 --> 00:57:11.400
I ask God, Lord, help my daughter to love herself.

839
00:57:11.400 --> 00:57:15.840
That's a big part where I failed.

840
00:57:15.840 --> 00:57:23.320
A lot of the boulders for her to accept and to love herself comes from me.

841
00:57:23.320 --> 00:57:32.000
Don't punish my daughter and have her live under this scourge that has come from myself.

842
00:57:32.000 --> 00:57:35.520
I really didn't like myself very much.

843
00:57:35.520 --> 00:57:38.560
I tried to protect myself from everyone else.

844
00:57:38.560 --> 00:57:43.040
And there are aspects of her that frightened me because I was afraid that she would see

845
00:57:43.200 --> 00:57:51.280
me for who I was, the little boy that was just broken, trying to be a man.

846
00:57:51.280 --> 00:57:52.880
And it's not her fault.

847
00:57:52.880 --> 00:57:58.600
My daughter, it's not your fault.

848
00:57:58.600 --> 00:58:02.080
Please forgive me for all of this stuff.

849
00:58:02.080 --> 00:58:07.320
I want you to be free today to be who you're called to be and not to be hindered by me

850
00:58:07.320 --> 00:58:08.320
anymore.

851
00:58:09.080 --> 00:58:19.000
Thank you.

852
00:58:19.000 --> 00:58:34.880
How you doing?

853
00:58:35.280 --> 00:58:40.000
Teary, yeah, I mean, it's powerful.

854
00:58:47.600 --> 00:58:52.440
Yeah, I think one, I think, yeah, it feels really good.

855
00:58:52.440 --> 00:58:59.760
I think there's one thing that I thought about where you said to come to, to be

856
00:58:59.760 --> 00:59:07.480
able to come to God and like, like where I maybe haven't, and I think it still

857
00:59:07.480 --> 00:59:13.800
has to do with, like, I think I had mentioned it to Ashley after you had

858
00:59:13.800 --> 00:59:19.360
left the last time where I was like, such an amazing word you gave, and then

859
00:59:19.360 --> 00:59:26.280
I'm like, I think I see God as I see my death there where I'm like, Oh, I hear

860
00:59:26.280 --> 00:59:31.840
this and I want to believe it, but it's like, but then it can be taken away at

861
00:59:31.840 --> 00:59:34.960
any moment or it's like, it's like, yes, but no, but yes, but no.

862
00:59:34.960 --> 00:59:40.920
And then I'll like, Oh, so probably have some accusations against God

863
00:59:40.920 --> 00:59:46.280
there when it's like, cause there's like a, there's always been that in my

864
00:59:46.280 --> 00:59:47.960
life where it's like, Oh, you have it.

865
00:59:48.000 --> 00:59:50.720
No, you don't like, yes, you can have it, but you can't, you know?

866
00:59:50.720 --> 00:59:55.240
So it's like giving in one hand and taken with another or like hurt and like

867
00:59:55.520 --> 00:59:56.280
hurtful things.

868
00:59:56.280 --> 01:00:00.080
It's like, here you have it, but then I would go to like, word curse you after.

869
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:08.080
with it, you know what I mean? So it's yeah. Yeah. So yeah, that's what I was thinking about your

870
01:00:08.080 --> 01:00:13.120
childhood when you were talking about it. It's just, you know, you could never, uh, you're,

871
01:00:13.120 --> 01:00:19.840
you lived in a very unpredictable household. You never, and so what you learn in that is you learn

872
01:00:19.840 --> 01:00:24.800
how to be flexible. You learn how to cope, you learn how to be always on the defensive,

873
01:00:24.800 --> 01:00:29.120
and then all of your energy is always going towards you. You learn that your energy is

874
01:00:29.120 --> 01:00:37.280
always going towards, um, just being ready, which doesn't leave you free to be you and to create

875
01:00:37.920 --> 01:00:42.160
because you're always having to react to something unpredictable. And then we,

876
01:00:42.160 --> 01:00:47.680
and then we project that onto God. We don't really expect that he's going to follow through

877
01:00:47.680 --> 01:00:52.400
with what he says, because it all sounds good, but are we meeting him on the right day?

878
01:00:53.920 --> 01:00:58.880
We met him in the right moment. It's like this, the moment, or is this the God's mad at me moment

879
01:00:58.880 --> 01:01:04.240
is this the, Oh shoot, I'm sorry, God, I forgot that I messed up over here. And apparently that's

880
01:01:04.240 --> 01:01:09.600
what you want to focus on because that's what you learn in an unpredictable childhood. So yeah,

881
01:01:09.600 --> 01:01:15.920
that makes sense. Yeah. But I'm going to pray. If I were to pray another thing, it would be Lord that

882
01:01:18.800 --> 01:01:22.560
any model that I placed upon her of what to expect from a man,

883
01:01:23.520 --> 01:01:31.840
from a husband, from a father or a marriage that you would free her from those things and break

884
01:01:31.840 --> 01:01:39.920
the power of that stuff. Those images in Jesus name and the Lord for the stuff that I said to

885
01:01:39.920 --> 01:01:47.600
her ex-fiance, please forgive me. I had no right. You are a treasure beyond measure.

886
01:01:48.160 --> 01:01:55.600
You are a treasure beyond measure. You are a treasure beyond measure. You are a treasure

887
01:01:56.080 --> 01:02:06.400
beyond measure. You are the treasure that is beyond measure.

888
01:02:10.640 --> 01:02:12.400
You are the treasure beyond measure,

889
01:02:12.400 --> 01:02:23.120
treasure beyond measure. Forgive me. And I ask the heavenly father forgive me because that is just

890
01:02:23.120 --> 01:02:35.280
wrong. You measure up every day that you take a breath, every day that you take a breath.

891
01:02:35.280 --> 01:02:42.960
You're worth it. You're worth it all. You have been the greatest blessing to me in my life.

892
01:02:43.840 --> 01:02:51.360
My life would not be at all. It would have been misery without you. You brought so much

893
01:02:51.360 --> 01:02:57.920
sunshine, so much delight. You filled my heart every day. You gave me hope. You gave me purpose

894
01:02:57.920 --> 01:03:04.800
and reason even though I blew it. Even though I blew it.

895
01:03:09.280 --> 01:03:10.880
You're not lesser because you're a woman.

896
01:03:13.520 --> 01:03:21.680
You're not less strong or less worthy at all. And I really pray that a man worthy of you,

897
01:03:22.640 --> 01:03:29.040
a man that is worthy of you, and that can see you for who you are,

898
01:03:31.920 --> 01:03:41.520
to come by. And no one less. Do not settle. Do not settle. You're worthy. You're worth it.

899
01:03:42.720 --> 01:03:49.120
You are so worth it. If I could ask God to do anything, it would be to like give you an

900
01:03:49.600 --> 01:03:54.400
injection and infusion of who you are, including your value.

901
01:03:58.720 --> 01:04:02.160
And that all the structures that sit over your head that came from me

902
01:04:02.960 --> 01:04:08.240
and from our family and from my family, those things to be broken in Jesus name

903
01:04:09.120 --> 01:04:14.320
and dismantled from her, including all the familiar spirits and all the garbage that came

904
01:04:14.960 --> 01:04:35.280
from us. It's interesting when you said that. I was brought to this memory where he was just

905
01:04:35.280 --> 01:04:40.560
sitting there and he was just looking and he's like, I mean, he was drunk. And so he's like,

906
01:04:40.720 --> 01:04:49.600
oh, this one just eats. And no, this one just likes to eat and she's fat. And it's like,

907
01:04:52.960 --> 01:04:56.400
yeah, I don't even know if he was like speaking to himself. You know what I mean?

908
01:04:56.400 --> 01:04:58.960
Like he's always struggled with this. And it's like,

909
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:07.000
That's just self-protection and those behaviors you learn when you're a kid.

910
01:05:07.000 --> 01:05:12.000
I looked at a woman once and I didn't even see her body.

911
01:05:12.000 --> 01:05:22.000
I saw her with literally like, it looked like a spare tire around her, like a bumper, like bumper cars to protect her from the world.

912
01:05:22.000 --> 01:05:24.000
And I was like, what world is that?

913
01:05:24.000 --> 01:05:29.000
And then I saw her in the natural and it was like, I don't even understand.

914
01:05:29.000 --> 01:05:33.000
And how do you tell a woman what you just saw?

915
01:05:33.000 --> 01:05:44.000
Like a spare tire around her, like a bumper car, you know, you know, and, you know, but we were in ministry together.

916
01:05:44.000 --> 01:05:50.000
And so I said something to her and she was like, and she knew exactly what I was talking about.

917
01:05:50.000 --> 01:05:51.000
I'd never seen that before.

918
01:05:51.000 --> 01:05:57.000
But, you know, if I were you, I don't like to give advice.

919
01:05:57.000 --> 01:05:58.000
Okay.

920
01:05:58.000 --> 01:06:10.000
But I would take God at his word and remove yourself from the equation as to whether or not these things are going to come to pass or not.

921
01:06:10.000 --> 01:06:14.000
Oh, yeah.

922
01:06:14.000 --> 01:06:18.000
And trust, is he really good enough?

923
01:06:18.000 --> 01:06:26.000
And almost like in a challenging way, like, okay, God, I'm going to do this by faith, but you need to show me, you know, I need you to do this for me.

924
01:06:26.000 --> 01:06:29.000
Yeah.

925
01:06:29.000 --> 01:06:32.000
And I can't do it myself.

926
01:06:32.000 --> 01:06:35.000
Yeah, 100% not.

927
01:06:35.000 --> 01:06:49.000
But it's like you're, there are moments I've seen in people's lives and even in my own where I've looked, and there's like a chasm between where I stand and where I feel like I need to be, or where I'm supposed to be, and there's no bridge.

928
01:06:49.000 --> 01:06:51.000
I don't know how to get there.

929
01:06:51.000 --> 01:06:52.000
Yeah.

930
01:06:52.000 --> 01:06:57.000
It's like, and he has to span that gap for me.

931
01:06:57.000 --> 01:06:59.000
And this is one of those days for you.

932
01:06:59.000 --> 01:07:00.000
Yeah.

933
01:07:00.000 --> 01:07:03.000
Everything's changing.

934
01:07:03.000 --> 01:07:10.000
You know, everything's changing. This was a massive. Do you know how courageous, this is for you today.

935
01:07:10.000 --> 01:07:12.000
No.

936
01:07:12.000 --> 01:07:16.000
This took takes amazing courage.

937
01:07:16.000 --> 01:07:19.000
So much strength. Yeah, because it's foundational.

938
01:07:19.000 --> 01:07:25.000
This is an enormous boulder this is the, you know, the mountains they cast into the sea.

939
01:07:25.000 --> 01:07:37.000
And it's not to dishonor your dad or anything. It's just, you're getting free you can celebrate the goodness and be free from from all the gnarly things.

940
01:07:37.000 --> 01:07:44.000
It doesn't mean that things won't still hurt or that you won't think of more things.

941
01:07:45.000 --> 01:07:49.000
And I'm, I'm so sorry, just as a man.

942
01:07:49.000 --> 01:07:52.000
And I'm sorry and I just want to just.

943
01:07:52.000 --> 01:07:59.000
This is very weird okay but I'm gonna do it anyway. I just want to ask you to forgive me as a man.

944
01:07:59.000 --> 01:08:02.000
And as a man that's been that's a leader.

945
01:08:03.000 --> 01:08:12.000
And whether it's been in the church and other ways, or ways in which I or we have treated you.

946
01:08:12.000 --> 01:08:16.000
That isn't commensurate with who you are.

947
01:08:16.000 --> 01:08:23.000
When you've been valued, seen, loved, cherished, celebrated.

948
01:08:23.000 --> 01:08:25.000
When you've been talked down to.

949
01:08:25.000 --> 01:08:39.000
When you've been looked over and dismissed or hurt by the things that we said, or that we've done, whether physically, verbally, or just the things that we didn't do at all.

950
01:08:39.000 --> 01:08:44.000
I ask you to forgive me because that's not what God wants for you.

951
01:08:44.000 --> 01:08:47.000
As your brother that's not what I want for you.

952
01:08:47.000 --> 01:08:50.000
And I'm so sorry.

953
01:08:51.000 --> 01:08:53.000
I'd like to have a clean slate.

954
01:08:53.000 --> 01:09:10.000
Just start afresh with different expectations, and that your history with whether it's your dad, or with the other men or people in this world would not be the predictor of what your, your expectations are set to go forward.

955
01:09:10.000 --> 01:09:15.000
And that God himself can come and be your rabbi and teach you.

956
01:09:15.000 --> 01:09:23.000
So that you can have different expectations.

957
01:09:23.000 --> 01:09:32.000
Thank you. I forgive you.

958
01:09:32.000 --> 01:09:37.000
Well like I said it's the greatest weirdest thing ever.

959
01:09:37.000 --> 01:09:48.000
Like, when you describe it you're like, what, like, you certainly don't look like my dad like my dad was black, and he was six eight.

960
01:09:48.000 --> 01:09:52.000
Oh, and it's folks while he, you know, you don't like him at all.

961
01:09:52.000 --> 01:10:00.000
But I don't know, there's something about it it just works and the Lord really the father is serious about this stuff the Lord.

962
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.200
came. So to reveal the father for this, I came to reveal the

963
01:10:04.200 --> 01:10:09.920
father. Yeah. And so we're to reveal Jesus, then he can reveal

964
01:10:09.920 --> 01:10:13.520
the father. So the father should be revealed through us. Yeah.

965
01:10:14.280 --> 01:10:20.680
You know, and, and we're all in a place of being hostage in a

966
01:10:20.680 --> 01:10:28.560
way to our earthly relationships and stuff that form images and

967
01:10:28.680 --> 01:10:34.000
expectations of who God is, and everything else. It's like, I

968
01:10:34.000 --> 01:10:36.800
was talking to somebody the other day, and he's like, Oh,

969
01:10:36.840 --> 01:10:39.480
he's a person, he really doesn't like the church and blah, blah,

970
01:10:39.480 --> 01:10:42.280
blah. And I said, No, he doesn't have a problem with the church.

971
01:10:42.280 --> 01:10:48.320
He just has a problem with Christians. Yeah. He said, you

972
01:10:48.320 --> 01:10:53.240
know, Christ, I like your but Christians, I do not. Yeah. So

973
01:10:54.240 --> 01:10:57.520
anyway, just believe today, I'm telling you was a big, big, big,

974
01:10:57.520 --> 01:11:06.520
big day for you. And it takes great courage to face and to

975
01:11:06.520 --> 01:11:10.320
admit and to speak out these things, whether you define it

976
01:11:10.320 --> 01:11:13.920
that way or not. But the further along I go on God, the more I

977
01:11:13.920 --> 01:11:17.880
realized that how he measures courage is not the way that we

978
01:11:17.880 --> 01:11:21.080
do as a man. It's like, did I face the bear? Did I walk down

979
01:11:21.080 --> 01:11:26.360
the dark hallway? Did I stand up to the bully? Well, it takes

980
01:11:26.360 --> 01:11:30.400
much great takes much more courage, at least for a man to

981
01:11:30.400 --> 01:11:36.160
be honest and authentic about our stuff. You know, and I

982
01:11:36.160 --> 01:11:41.120
believe that this is a massive shift. For you. This is a this

983
01:11:41.120 --> 01:11:44.440
is a suddenly this is like a it's like tectonic plate

984
01:11:44.440 --> 01:11:49.920
straining, and then bang, you know, and it's gonna make

985
01:11:49.960 --> 01:11:51.040
ripples everywhere.

986
01:11:52.240 --> 01:11:56.040
Yeah, because you've been said that there's something there you

987
01:11:56.040 --> 01:11:59.560
said, you know, like with your weight, and then you've said

988
01:11:59.560 --> 01:12:01.760
there was one other thing, I don't remember what it was, but

989
01:12:01.760 --> 01:12:05.280
you're going, you know, when there's these two things, and

990
01:12:05.280 --> 01:12:08.720
that's not normal. You're like, I think that it's something

991
01:12:08.720 --> 01:12:11.360
that's connected, possibly, you know, you were saying, you know,

992
01:12:11.360 --> 01:12:14.080
possibly with your father, but that you were feeling, you know,

993
01:12:14.080 --> 01:12:19.440
was this, there was some, there was some soulish root. In other

994
01:12:19.440 --> 01:12:25.720
words, seem to put your finger on. And so anyway, very excited

995
01:12:25.720 --> 01:12:29.720
that you had great sight. And like Ed said, great courage to

996
01:12:29.720 --> 01:12:32.600
follow the invitation of the Lord to pursue, okay, God,

997
01:12:32.600 --> 01:12:36.360
really, what is your father's heart? And am I finally, am I

998
01:12:36.360 --> 01:12:40.160
finally willing to choose that you're safe enough for me to be

999
01:12:40.160 --> 01:12:44.240
vulnerable with, you know, face these aspects of myself and

1000
01:12:44.240 --> 01:12:47.480
actually receive the healing and, and, you know, face the

1001
01:12:47.480 --> 01:12:50.280
part of me that's hurt that believes this about my dad, or

1002
01:12:50.280 --> 01:12:53.760
that was heard about this about my dad or whatever. So that's

1003
01:12:54.600 --> 01:13:02.040
good. Well, thank you so much for doing this and taking time.

1004
01:13:02.400 --> 01:13:03.040
Yeah.

1005
01:13:05.120 --> 01:13:09.360
Thank you. Thank you. You're worth fighting for. Always

1006
01:13:09.360 --> 01:13:11.360
remember that. Yes. Thank you.

1007
01:13:13.240 --> 01:13:16.400
Yeah, exactly. So you don't always have to be the one to

1008
01:13:16.400 --> 01:13:19.440
fight for yourself. Yeah. Yeah.

1009
01:13:20.040 --> 01:13:23.040
Yeah, no. And it was interesting what what Ed had said the last

1010
01:13:23.040 --> 01:13:25.680
time with like, oh, there's I feel like something between

1011
01:13:25.680 --> 01:13:28.880
three to five months or and then you said or three to five years

1012
01:13:28.880 --> 01:13:31.920
and I was like, yeah, but I've been feeling like all of this

1013
01:13:31.920 --> 01:13:34.920
year, like all of before last year, too. I was like, there's

1014
01:13:34.920 --> 01:13:39.320
something about this fall, you know, and I'm like, I don't know

1015
01:13:39.320 --> 01:13:43.840
what it is. So we'll see. It is exciting. But then I have

1016
01:13:43.840 --> 01:13:47.200
another interview on Thursday. So like, is this me just like,

1017
01:13:47.200 --> 01:13:50.120
be I don't know, I don't know, have to be like, God, what, what

1018
01:13:50.120 --> 01:13:52.480
is this? I have no idea. I don't know.

1019
01:13:53.520 --> 01:13:57.240
Yeah. Yes. Imagine you're like in one of those, I don't know,

1020
01:13:57.240 --> 01:14:00.040
fantasy movies, Lord of the Rings, whatever you want to call

1021
01:14:00.040 --> 01:14:05.280
it, right. And you've got a voice talking to you mysteriously

1022
01:14:05.280 --> 01:14:10.640
saying you're not who you think you are. Yeah. No, you're not

1023
01:14:10.640 --> 01:14:13.160
what you think you are. You're more than you imagine you more

1024
01:14:13.160 --> 01:14:17.880
than you think, you know, and, you know, there's this, and the

1025
01:14:17.880 --> 01:14:21.320
the story goes to reveal that she's a vote of a noble

1026
01:14:21.320 --> 01:14:27.520
bloodline. Yeah, long lost heir to the throne of whatever. And

1027
01:14:27.520 --> 01:14:31.040
that's the journey you're on of those things being revealed to

1028
01:14:31.040 --> 01:14:34.040
you. You're that mythical character in in the story.

1029
01:14:36.640 --> 01:14:37.520
Love those story.

1030
01:14:38.520 --> 01:14:41.480
No, I read this the last thing I'll say I know we got to go.

1031
01:14:41.480 --> 01:14:46.600
But when I started this whole journey, there was a book. I was

1032
01:14:46.600 --> 01:14:49.320
invited to this men's group that was going through a book by

1033
01:14:50.640 --> 01:14:55.320
John Eldridge, called Awakening, Awaken the Child. And it's a

1034
01:14:55.320 --> 01:14:58.520
book about a young man who's in the middle of his life. And it's

1035
01:14:58.520 --> 01:15:01.400
a book about a young man who's in the middle of his life. And

1036
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.900
dead and awaken the dead.

1037
01:15:01.400 --> 01:15:04.120
it's a book about a young man who's in the middle of his life

1038
01:15:02.900 --> 01:15:07.400
The first it was in what I realized or not it introduced

1039
01:15:07.400 --> 01:15:09.500
all kinds of things that I had no grid for, you know,

1040
01:15:09.500 --> 01:15:12.000
spiritual warfare and community inner healing.

1041
01:15:12.200 --> 01:15:14.700
He didn't call it inner healing, but that's really what it

1042
01:15:14.700 --> 01:15:18.400
was first, but the beginning of it and what really got me

1043
01:15:18.400 --> 01:15:24.300
was he spoke of all of these movies that I loved, you know,

1044
01:15:24.300 --> 01:15:27.100
some of them were like guy movies gladiator, but it was

1045
01:15:27.100 --> 01:15:30.400
like Lord of the Rings and all of this I loved fantasy

1046
01:15:30.400 --> 01:15:34.000
literature and he talked about all of these mythical

1047
01:15:34.000 --> 01:15:38.600
characters and that these things were important because

1048
01:15:39.000 --> 01:15:43.500
they resonate with you for a reason that these mythical

1049
01:15:43.500 --> 01:15:47.800
characters reveal an aspect of who you are that the spirit

1050
01:15:47.800 --> 01:15:53.600
is witnessing about yourself and even talked about

1051
01:15:53.600 --> 01:15:56.200
a small group that they had where they went around and

1052
01:15:56.200 --> 01:15:59.200
people said who do they think that they were and who do

1053
01:15:59.200 --> 01:16:02.800
they want to be but everybody else in their group had gone

1054
01:16:03.200 --> 01:16:09.100
to talk about who they saw them to be and how they saw

1055
01:16:09.100 --> 01:16:12.500
themselves wasn't as all how the group saw them and the

1056
01:16:12.500 --> 01:16:16.400
person that they hoped that they admired most from these

1057
01:16:16.400 --> 01:16:20.500
stories was was the one where those characters were the

1058
01:16:20.500 --> 01:16:25.800
types of characters that they saw, you know, and and so

1059
01:16:26.000 --> 01:16:29.600
I wouldn't I would pay attention to all this stuff and

1060
01:16:29.600 --> 01:16:32.100
I firmly and this is not just my opinion.

1061
01:16:32.400 --> 01:16:34.300
I feel it's Lord.

1062
01:16:34.300 --> 01:16:38.900
I would firmly expect a quantum shift, but the quantum

1063
01:16:38.900 --> 01:16:44.500
shift side of you is in you that's going to shift everything

1064
01:16:44.500 --> 01:16:48.900
around you, you know, it's that thing where you know, you

1065
01:16:48.900 --> 01:16:51.100
walk in and people like did you do something with your

1066
01:16:51.100 --> 01:16:54.400
hair? Did you use glasses?

1067
01:16:54.400 --> 01:16:57.400
Did you and like no, but you're just even physically.

1068
01:16:57.400 --> 01:17:00.000
I feel like there's going to be a shift and how you look

1069
01:17:00.200 --> 01:17:03.200
how you see yourself how people see you and it wouldn't

1070
01:17:03.200 --> 01:17:09.000
surprise me if even ailing maladies if you have any health

1071
01:17:09.000 --> 01:17:12.400
issues and stuff are going to start to shift is, you know,

1072
01:17:12.400 --> 01:17:15.600
you're going to see physical shifts and changes including

1073
01:17:15.600 --> 01:17:16.400
with nature.

1074
01:17:16.500 --> 01:17:19.100
I believe there's going to be some shifts even where creation

1075
01:17:19.100 --> 01:17:23.300
itself is going to start to witness to you and aligned

1076
01:17:23.400 --> 01:17:29.000
with how God sees you but as a reminder that the Lord is

1077
01:17:29.000 --> 01:17:31.900
kind of it's kind of like when he gave us the rainbow as

1078
01:17:31.900 --> 01:17:35.500
a reminder of the covenant that he's going to be things

1079
01:17:35.500 --> 01:17:40.000
like that as a reminder of what he's spoken over you that

1080
01:17:40.000 --> 01:17:42.300
he hasn't forgotten and those things are still valid and

1081
01:17:42.300 --> 01:17:44.000
real and he's going to he's going to uphold them.

1082
01:17:44.200 --> 01:17:47.300
So I received that.

1083
01:17:47.300 --> 01:17:47.800
Thank you.

1084
01:17:49.400 --> 01:17:56.400
Well, I'm I have to go to something else and so we don't

1085
01:17:56.400 --> 01:17:59.500
have any more time but I did want to just mention just very

1086
01:17:59.500 --> 01:18:02.500
briefly so you can get the majority of this from Renata.

1087
01:18:02.500 --> 01:18:03.100
You can ask her.

1088
01:18:03.100 --> 01:18:05.200
Hey, what did you and I actually talk about what was helpful

1089
01:18:05.200 --> 01:18:09.700
and whatever but the general idea and because I believe

1090
01:18:09.700 --> 01:18:12.500
that what you're just like Ed was saying what is going to

1091
01:18:12.500 --> 01:18:14.800
get you the greatest break greatest breakthrough and say

1092
01:18:14.800 --> 01:18:17.900
for instance, your you know, your health and physically

1093
01:18:17.900 --> 01:18:18.500
etc.

1094
01:18:18.900 --> 01:18:22.400
It's going to you know, it's been this been releasing of

1095
01:18:22.400 --> 01:18:25.700
all of the things that we've just gone through but there's

1096
01:18:25.700 --> 01:18:30.000
just some clarification that I wanted to bring of like how

1097
01:18:30.000 --> 01:18:32.300
to accept yourself, you know, I've been talking about like

1098
01:18:32.300 --> 01:18:35.200
how to love and accept our bodies even if our bodies aren't

1099
01:18:35.700 --> 01:18:38.800
looking and in the shape that we're wanting them to be in

1100
01:18:39.100 --> 01:18:41.000
like, how do you love and accept yourself?

1101
01:18:41.000 --> 01:18:43.100
But at the same time you're just like yeah, but I want to

1102
01:18:43.100 --> 01:18:44.100
look different whatever.

1103
01:18:44.400 --> 01:18:47.800
Well, what I was explaining to Renata is I said what it is

1104
01:18:47.800 --> 01:18:51.000
that you need to do is I said you or what it is that you

1105
01:18:51.000 --> 01:18:55.100
are accepting is you are accepting the body and think

1106
01:18:55.100 --> 01:18:58.700
of it kind of like an its own entity that has a will as

1107
01:18:58.700 --> 01:19:01.000
to whether or not it's going to submit as to whether or

1108
01:19:01.000 --> 01:19:03.700
not it trusts you as to whether or not, you know, it's

1109
01:19:03.700 --> 01:19:06.400
going to believe that you're safe.

1110
01:19:06.800 --> 01:19:10.000
So I mean, yes, the body is an extension of us etc.

1111
01:19:10.000 --> 01:19:13.600
But my point is like kind of think of it like that and

1112
01:19:13.900 --> 01:19:18.800
and then love that thing not the decisions that it's making

1113
01:19:19.400 --> 01:19:20.100
based off.

1114
01:19:20.100 --> 01:19:22.200
It's trying to protect itself.

1115
01:19:22.400 --> 01:19:25.500
That's why it's holding fat in certain places that we all

1116
01:19:25.500 --> 01:19:28.800
don't like and and doing this and it's doing that and then

1117
01:19:28.800 --> 01:19:31.500
it's acting out and there's these autoimmune responses

1118
01:19:31.500 --> 01:19:34.100
and these allergies and these whatever's it.

1119
01:19:34.100 --> 01:19:37.000
So you're not you're not approving of or agreeing with

1120
01:19:37.800 --> 01:19:41.200
their the decisions that they're making and why they're

1121
01:19:41.200 --> 01:19:42.800
making those decisions.

1122
01:19:43.200 --> 01:19:46.700
You're just loving it despite the fact that it makes those

1123
01:19:46.700 --> 01:19:49.800
decisions, you know, so that's what it is that you're

1124
01:19:49.800 --> 01:19:52.900
expecting because Renato kept getting like, you know,

1125
01:19:52.900 --> 01:19:56.200
caught up with like, well, yeah, but I don't like that and

1126
01:19:56.200 --> 01:19:57.200
I don't want that.

1127
01:19:57.200 --> 01:19:58.700
So she kept thinking.

1128
01:19:58.700 --> 01:20:00.100
Oh, I'm supposed to try.

1129
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.880
I had to change myself to like that.

1130
01:20:02.400 --> 01:20:05.880
And, and I was like, no, no, no, you don't have to like that, you know, but

1131
01:20:05.880 --> 01:20:11.360
you have to like the thing that is making the decision where it doesn't think you

1132
01:20:11.360 --> 01:20:16.280
are, are safe, it doesn't, it thinks that you're evil and it's trying to do

1133
01:20:16.280 --> 01:20:18.680
the right thing by protecting itself.

1134
01:20:19.200 --> 01:20:25.240
It's not making the right decision based on the right reason, but that it's trying

1135
01:20:25.240 --> 01:20:28.960
to, it thinks it is, so that's what it is.

1136
01:20:28.960 --> 01:20:33.760
That we're loving and accepting is the entity or the will that is making the

1137
01:20:33.760 --> 01:20:38.800
decision to try to do the right thing and protect you because nobody else is.

1138
01:20:39.360 --> 01:20:43.280
So that's kind of like that helped her kind of differentiate what I was talking

1139
01:20:43.280 --> 01:20:45.520
about when I said, Hey, you're loving and accepting yourself.

1140
01:20:45.520 --> 01:20:48.000
We're like, how do you love and accept yourself?

1141
01:20:48.640 --> 01:20:53.600
And with, uh, you know, if I don't like these things, because if I start

1142
01:20:53.600 --> 01:20:56.800
like liking these things, which for one thing I don't, but if I start,

1143
01:20:57.040 --> 01:20:58.240
they won't ever change.

1144
01:20:58.280 --> 01:20:59.160
And I'm like, no, no, no.

1145
01:20:59.240 --> 01:21:02.240
That's not the part that you're having to agree with.

1146
01:21:02.560 --> 01:21:04.560
That's not the part that you're wanting to feel safe.

1147
01:21:04.920 --> 01:21:07.800
That's a, just, you don't have to agree with the body's

1148
01:21:07.800 --> 01:21:10.080
decisions and your, and its reasons.

1149
01:21:10.640 --> 01:21:15.160
You just need to love it, love it and know that it's trying to do the right thing.

1150
01:21:15.440 --> 01:21:16.840
So that helped her.

1151
01:21:16.920 --> 01:21:19.600
And so I thought, well, maybe that would help you as well.

1152
01:21:19.600 --> 01:21:22.600
It's kind of like, cause you and I've had similar conversations about, yeah,

1153
01:21:22.600 --> 01:21:24.760
but it's like a contradiction.

1154
01:21:24.760 --> 01:21:25.600
How do I do this?

1155
01:21:25.640 --> 01:21:27.600
I think I'm doing it, but I don't think I'm doing it.

1156
01:21:27.600 --> 01:21:30.560
Cause I'm not getting a result or whatever, but anyway, so that's

1157
01:21:30.560 --> 01:21:32.200
just, just generally what it is.

1158
01:21:32.200 --> 01:21:35.920
And so you can ask her if you have any other questions about like, you

1159
01:21:35.920 --> 01:21:38.600
know, maybe she can provide more clarification cause we talked about

1160
01:21:38.600 --> 01:21:41.600
it a bit longer and she can help like kind of summarize for you.

1161
01:21:41.920 --> 01:21:43.080
Oh, this is what helped.

1162
01:21:43.200 --> 01:21:44.840
So that was like my thyroid.

1163
01:21:44.960 --> 01:21:48.480
It's like attacking me, even though it's like I have hypothyroid, but it's

1164
01:21:48.480 --> 01:21:55.440
like, it's attacking me, attacking you too, attacking healthy body.

1165
01:21:55.840 --> 01:21:56.120
Yeah.

1166
01:21:56.920 --> 01:22:02.840
There's a, there's a, uh, there's a principle we'll call it spiritually

1167
01:22:02.840 --> 01:22:06.520
speaking, and I don't want to get in a divergent thing here, but just for

1168
01:22:06.520 --> 01:22:11.560
you to think about, uh, where one route, sometimes spiritually speaking

1169
01:22:11.560 --> 01:22:17.320
of autoimmune and I was thinking of thyroid is, uh, it's a, it's an aspect

1170
01:22:17.320 --> 01:22:19.000
of what you call it, like a death wish.

1171
01:22:19.480 --> 01:22:25.680
And it's not necessarily that you're suicidal, but you get into a place

1172
01:22:25.680 --> 01:22:34.080
of hopelessness and despair and you, uh, like, I don't, Lord, I

1173
01:22:34.080 --> 01:22:35.520
don't care if I wake up anymore.

1174
01:22:35.840 --> 01:22:38.640
I wish I were, you know, I wish I were dead.

1175
01:22:38.640 --> 01:22:40.160
I wish or whatever the case is.

1176
01:22:40.720 --> 01:22:44.040
And it's like, you're, you make an agreement with death and then your

1177
01:22:44.080 --> 01:22:47.640
immune system starts to carry that sentence out.

1178
01:22:48.600 --> 01:22:54.080
And you can, you can kind of repent from that, you know, realizing it's there

1179
01:22:54.320 --> 01:22:57.480
receive healing for whatever was going on in your life in that time.

1180
01:22:57.720 --> 01:23:00.120
And then that thing can be broken in that stuff.

1181
01:23:02.680 --> 01:23:03.000
Yeah.

1182
01:23:03.040 --> 01:23:06.200
So Hashimoto's and all that kind of stuff.

1183
01:23:06.200 --> 01:23:08.000
A lot of that stuff is autoimmune.

1184
01:23:08.120 --> 01:23:15.760
It's not always, but I've seen a lot of people, uh, healed of those things as a

1185
01:23:15.760 --> 01:23:17.840
result of that, of that, that kind of thing.

1186
01:23:17.840 --> 01:23:20.680
So, but that's a, that's a whole nother discussion.

1187
01:23:21.040 --> 01:23:21.680
That's another.

1188
01:23:22.720 --> 01:23:23.200
Oh yeah.

1189
01:23:23.800 --> 01:23:24.560
That's interesting.

1190
01:23:24.800 --> 01:23:28.360
It was like, my grandfather had it, my mom, my aunt, me.

1191
01:23:28.360 --> 01:23:32.520
It's like, yeah, maybe it's yeah.

1192
01:23:32.680 --> 01:23:36.320
But I would imagine you've had some low moments in your life.

1193
01:23:36.800 --> 01:23:37.920
Hope to first much.

1194
01:23:37.960 --> 01:23:38.440
Yes.

1195
01:23:38.560 --> 01:23:41.040
There has to be a bigger reason there.

1196
01:23:41.080 --> 01:23:42.240
This is no.

1197
01:23:43.720 --> 01:23:44.960
What's the point of this?

1198
01:23:44.960 --> 01:23:51.320
If this is all there is, I think we'll, we'll, we'll see where things shift, but I

1199
01:23:51.320 --> 01:23:55.680
think a bunch of, we're going to shift from this and then, you know, and then

1200
01:23:55.720 --> 01:23:58.000
you just kind of walk it out and yeah.

1201
01:23:59.720 --> 01:24:04.880
So anyway, well, thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing with some strange

1202
01:24:04.880 --> 01:24:06.720
bald headed guy that you've never met before.

1203
01:24:06.720 --> 01:24:11.520
And, and I always feel very honored by being invited into people's places like

1204
01:24:11.520 --> 01:24:16.400
that, especially those intimate places, like the stuff with your dad and everything.

1205
01:24:16.400 --> 01:24:20.520
And cause it's just vulnerable and, and stuff.

1206
01:24:20.520 --> 01:24:24.800
And it's, it's a scary thing to open yourself up like that, especially to other

1207
01:24:24.800 --> 01:24:25.320
people.

1208
01:24:26.120 --> 01:24:30.720
And depending on what your background is to have like another, another man that could

1209
01:24:30.720 --> 01:24:34.000
hurt you, you know, another, you know, fatherly figure or whatever.

1210
01:24:34.400 --> 01:24:35.640
So I really appreciate it.

1211
01:24:35.800 --> 01:24:36.320
I thank you.

1212
01:24:36.320 --> 01:24:39.360
I always feel honored by the Lord to be involved and to invite it into that.

1213
01:24:40.080 --> 01:24:44.880
And I have high, I have high expectation about what the Lord has in store for you

1214
01:24:44.880 --> 01:24:45.600
and your life.

1215
01:24:45.800 --> 01:24:47.360
And it's not what you're going to do.

1216
01:24:47.680 --> 01:24:48.480
It's who you are.

1217
01:24:49.640 --> 01:24:50.960
It's who you already are.

1218
01:24:51.640 --> 01:24:52.440
It's not at all.

1219
01:24:52.440 --> 01:24:56.600
It's not whether you're going to, the businesses that you're going to do or any

1220
01:24:56.600 --> 01:24:59.560
of those other things, it's, it's who you are all by yourself.

1221
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.220
You are the thing that's worth it.

1222
01:25:02.220 --> 01:25:07.020
You're, it's not what you're going to do, you know, you're a human being.

1223
01:25:07.780 --> 01:25:15.120
So, you know, and so I just, you know, I just tell you like when I step in that place of the father, it's like, I love you.

1224
01:25:15.120 --> 01:25:15.620
Okay.

1225
01:25:15.820 --> 01:25:17.160
You know, I love you.

1226
01:25:17.160 --> 01:25:23.020
Like a father loves, like, it's like, I just get in tune with that place and you are exceedingly loved.

1227
01:25:23.040 --> 01:25:26.640
You are so loved, you know, I just tell you, I love you.

1228
01:25:27.000 --> 01:25:28.200
I love you as a sister.

1229
01:25:28.560 --> 01:25:32.120
I love you as a, you know, from the, from the heart of the father.

1230
01:25:32.440 --> 01:25:33.200
I love you.

1231
01:25:33.240 --> 01:25:34.840
I just speak it over you.

1232
01:25:35.160 --> 01:25:49.240
And I, I just, I just, I just really want the peace of the Lord to be, to umpire your heart today and you to receive, there's like a, an afterglow to bathe in of that's going to bring healing to you and stuff.

1233
01:25:49.320 --> 01:25:52.400
And I just, I pray that not one drop of it be missed.

1234
01:25:54.920 --> 01:25:55.440
Amen.

1235
01:25:55.720 --> 01:25:56.280
Thank you.

1236
01:25:58.640 --> 01:25:59.160
Thank you.

1237
01:26:01.160 --> 01:26:02.760
You'll probably sleep really well.

1238
01:26:07.840 --> 01:26:09.480
Thank you so much.

1239
01:26:09.720 --> 01:26:10.440
You're welcome.

1240
01:26:10.440 --> 01:26:11.440
Have a good evening.

1241
01:26:11.440 --> 01:26:18.040
When I get this downloaded and then uploaded in the platform, it'll be in your, it'll be in your group with the other transformation session.

1242
01:26:20.280 --> 01:26:20.780
Okay.

1243
01:26:23.480 --> 01:26:23.980
Hi.

1244
01:26:24.600 --> 01:26:25.100
Hi.

1245
01:26:25.520 --> 01:26:26.020
Bye.

1246
01:26:28.200 --> 01:26:28.700
Bye.