Thank you.
Hey Ashley.
Casey How are you. I'm all right. It's so weird to see you with such a different background. I know.
I know. Yeah, we don't have that bedroom anymore.
How did everything go the move did all were you pleased with the money that you got on the house. Are y'all with your parents now. Yeah, yeah, the, the sell the house is really good and fast and easy and.
I've been with my parents right now and I think we found a house, but we might not get into it for a couple months we're hoping sooner rather than later, but so we'll see on that.
Well it's good to see you on my word.
I know right.
And the rest intensives and you know you have this community going and then all of a sudden it's like, get together anymore. It's like that. Right.
Yeah, in fact I was just talking to Lindsay on Marco Polo just the other day and or maybe it was today. Maybe it's today. And so it's just like I know we had such a fun group, all of the groups are all always so different because it's always just
on the dynamic of the people who come, you know, and how they interact with each other. Anyway, that was a special one special time.
Well yeah, yeah.
How are you.
I'm in a new place too so yeah I noticed, are you like at a house, or you look, it looks like a book or something. Yes, so we are in.
This is the place that I started the rest intensive at three years ago.
And so we're coming back full circle, because it was three years ago, April 4 that I started the rest intensive in that kitchen.
And so what it is is this is a my, my, my, my friends own a really large beautiful home that was built by the people that they bought it from, and the people while they were building that house built a standalone garage that's like about the size of a three
or four car garage it's the size of a four car garage, and then they built an apartment on top of that and they lived there for five years, while they built their big house.
So, my, my friends have this apartment on their property. And so they said when Ed and I were going to leave the ministry.
We knew that God was just telling us to leave but he said basically like Abraham you to go to land I will show you.
We're here and this is kind of like Abraham you know with his Hebrew, you know, he left her and he landed in Hebrew and but it was just kind of like a stop on the way and that's what we're considering this it's like a stop on the way so we're here
to just kind of heal and just rest and ask the Lord what it is he wants us to do next. So, that's, that's where we are. So we're in Dallas. Yeah.
Yeah. So yeah.
And you have no idea where you're going.
No, we don't.
Well let's say we have no idea we have things that are hard.
We've, we've both felt a an openness towards New Zealand, but that whole thing, my husband was going to go there.
I can't remember if it was before he met me or after he met me that they were planning to go to New Zealand he's going to go to New Zealand help start a ministry school, but COVID shut everything down.
And they stopped it so finally his friends actually went over there, and so they're there now but they haven't even gotten anywhere near to starting the school yet.
They haven't moved anything yet for them and so they're like, what are we doing Lord we moved over to start this like ministry school and so they're waiting to see what the Lord wants them to do in the meantime God's shown him different things
they're supposed to be involved in. So the thing is that that's something that we'd like to do but we haven't heard God say, therefore thou shalt go forth.
It's just kind of like an openness that we feel like, but we thought that that's where we go, we were going to go we want to so that is a possibility, but it's not a certainty and we definitely don't know when.
So yeah, anyway we're just here right now and God's gifted us this bit of a retreat and reprieve, and we don't know how long or how long it's going to be and so but we do know that whenever God gives us these times that that his intentionality is for us to rest.
And I've learned from the past.
And I'll just say this just in case because I don't know what it is that you're where it is that you are right now what is you're going through.
about all of that. But just in case this resonates at all, my husband and I have talked about the
fact that we have learned that when God gives us times like this in our life, that can feel like,
oh, wait a minute, you know, I'm in between things. And what I'm supposed to do is surely,
you know, it's to get back to get back on track to the real thing. And right now I'm off track.
And that's even though we know not to think like that, we have a tendency to think,
yeah, but I'm not doing, I'm like off the rail, I need to get back on the rail.
Or, you know, I don't like, for instance, me when I've been in this position before,
I didn't have a job. And I was working so hard to try to find the job. And no matter what I was
doing, or how hard I was working to do it, nothing was coming through even everything that should be
coming through. Like, I was like, following all the principles of the world, you know, like,
hey, you do this, you do the resume, you do a headhunter, and you do that. And you get people
who know other people, people who have power or an influence to get on your side. And then
they're telling people and nothing was happening. And my mom finally just said, Ashley, this isn't
normal. She's like, it's very obvious that God purposefully not allow you to go through that
was several years ago. And so anyway, that I don't know how long ago that was, oh, that was
eight years ago, something like that. Anyway, at the time, God told me, Ashley, you're wasting this
time, you were so worried that you're going to miss me, that you are that you're stressed,
constantly looking for me constantly trying to find what it is I'm telling you to do,
or whatever it is that I gave you this time to rest and heal from where you were, so that you
can be ready and have some is to have what it is you need to go into the next thing. So anyway,
we we do know that about this time that it is about rest is about about, you know, healing.
But even what that time of rest and healing is supposed to look like, we don't know.
So we're just again, every time of rest and healing looks different. So we're just asking
God, okay, what about the particulars? What are those would be like, for me, I still have it on
my heart to continue to do the rest intensives. But still, there's no other obligations outside
of that. So in that sense, it's still a rest. In that sense, it's still healing. It's because
it's not lack of activity. It's just lack of like, where God is removing the distractions
of emotional obligations or whatever. So anyway, that's what we're doing right now.
What about you? Well, I mean, I resonated with what you said, like, I thought you would,
I don't know why I just felt like maybe was just sensing it. And just like the healing part,
you know, I'm still I'm still healing. And I still feel like I'm God's calling me to that season. But
it feels really hard to heal when everything around me is so new. And when Ryan is fully
back at work, and I'm living with two other people. So I feel like I'm, you know, in a house
that is filled with just stuff, because we have our stuff, and my parents already had a ton of
stuff. So my sisters right now, and this is like, she's working. And this is like my place of
solitude. Because it's like, I just feel at peace here. And that, yes. And so like, I don't know
how to rest. Like, I feel like my nervous system is just so fired up. And like, I can't take naps,
even though I'm exhausted. I just feel like my flesh is fighting. I don't know what it's fighting.
And I feel like I don't have the time to like sit and
like to sit and work it out or to figure it out or to it just, there's just so much overwhelm.
And I don't have the time or space to sort it all out, if that makes sense.
Yeah. So when you said healing, that you still feel like it's a time of healing for you or that
you're supposed to get healing, healing, like, what are you talking about? You're talking about
trauma of what you've just been through last year? Or are you talking about the way back? Or
what are we talking about? I think, you know, I think healing in that learning to live in God's
rest and healing with the whole cancer thing coming to, I don't know, I'm still healing from
surgery. You know, I don't really know. I think I'm in striving mode and I don't want to be in
that anymore. I hate it because I know what it feels like to not be in that place. And maybe
I'm just looking to live in God's rest, you know, and I just want that. And I feel like it's
so far from reach.
Yeah. Well, um, so can you give me a bit of, of a description
when you say, you know, it's hard to like, Bill, like I'm in
God's rest. I know that you've mentioned some things about like
that are like triggering, like, like, oh my goodness, you know,
I'm living with two other people and all of our stuff is
everywhere. And yeah, physical, physical and clutter creates it
literally creates in the in the metaphysical realm, meaning
like the soul realm, the part that we can't see, there's
literally noise. It's like, it's like lots and lots of energy.
And you know, they're able to kind of just, just kind of like
the fact that in 1984, the scientists figured out that,
that all objects were emanating light, all of it, an apple, a
tree, a person, a flower. And I don't know if it was all living
objects, or if they were inanimate objects as well. I
think it was even inanimate objects, that everything was
emanating light. Like, so there's a certain aspect that
even though we can't see, if you start to figure certain things
out, you can measure the existence of something. And so
they realized that there are that that stuff has basically
noise to it, it has stuff that's, you know, just kind of
creates. And because of that, we sense especially women, we
sense all of that extra. And then it's just hard when we all
we already have, if we already have a tendency to be over
analytical, or over thinkers, or whatever, our minds and our
days just already be feel like they're filled with so many
decisions, so many possibilities, so many different
directions, of like ways that things could go. And so many
different factors, and then you add in all of this stuff on top
of it. And it's just, it's very, very emotionally overwhelming.
So everything it is that you know, you're something is very,
you know, it's just very legitimate. I mean, it's very
real, not all in your head, and all of that it very, it's, you
really are sensing something that really is, it really is a
legitimate thing that's going to say in existence. But so
anyway, like I said, I know that you said that you've got like
some, some, some triggers and things, but is there any other
like, way that you can think of to articulate what your kind of
your current? I don't know, life kind of like, feels like, is
there something else that you're kind of sensing? Like, are you
something? Well, no, I just feel like we're in this in between
state, or I feel like something's expected of me, or
because you say, I feel like I can't rest, like any other
things that just kind of like come to mind of how you might
describe things like beyond the triggers of like, Oh, I felt
like something's expected of me, or I felt like, I don't know.
Well, I think like, like, just taking care of myself, like
working out in the morning, juicing, eating well, like
those basic things feel really hard with Ryan working, because
I is full force from the minute she wakes up till she goes to
bed, and she's, everything takes me so much longer with her by
and she, my parents, it's even worse, because she, she's very
clingy to me, she doesn't, she hasn't even played with her
babies for like weeks, and she used to always play with her
babies. Like she just by me, and I don't know if she has some
anxiety. And so or she's feeding off mine. And so it's just like,
I never get like, Oh, I can make this juice. And I don't have to
worry about her coming down and wanting to help me or making a
mess over here that I'm gonna have to clean up later. Or just
talking to me when I'm so overwhelmed with noise in my
head that just, I don't want to talk. And then the boys school
is there. It's a lot different than we thought it was going to
be. So there's a lot of challenges we're having to work
through with that. And, and then my parents, I grew up Catholic,
and my dad's a deacon in the Catholic Church. And so we've
been going to church with them. But now it's just been, it's
been wearing on me. And I'm like, we have to go somewhere
else. I just can't do it anymore. And so that's another
piece. I don't. I don't want to cause a rife with my family. And
yeah. So just like, everything just feels like there's like
conflict, or, yeah, there's not peace in any of it. Yeah.
So one of the one of the things that came to mind to tell you to
see if like, maybe this phrasing would kind of like resonate with
you is, is to start, I recommend
that you stop trying to make everything okay.
Just let it just not be okay.
Meaning like, and I know that that sounds weird,
but so kind of like walk with me through this.
This is what I mean, because what we're trying to do
is we're feeling subconsciously responsible for an outcome.
Even if we're like, and here's what I mean by that,
it's not just like we always feel that God
is gonna hold us accountable for an outcome.
Because sometimes in certain situations,
we don't feel like you can hold us accountable for it.
But the thing is like,
we're holding ourselves accountable for it
because we feel that it is going to provide us something
that we want or that we feel that we need
in order to survive or in order to be okay or whatever.
And if we don't get this thing done,
then we're not gonna be okay or whatever.
So we're wanting to control it,
we're wanting to hold ourselves,
and so we're unintentionally and subconsciously
holding ourselves accountable
to executing a particular outcome.
And remember, we're always supposed to allow God
to control the outcome.
So therefore, we keep thinking things aren't okay.
So I think in the rest shifting tools,
remember the middle one, no judgment,
where we think it shouldn't be like this,
it should be different.
Just let it be the way it is.
Like, and let whatever the heck happens, happen.
If you just kind of, and what I'm talking about
is you just kind of emotionally
kind of think about the future,
even like five minutes from now, like,
oh my word, what if she comes down?
And then we start planning or we start envisioning
this whole future next 15 minutes of chaos and issues
or whatever.
And so, and we're thinking, I want to avoid that.
So in other words, that's an outcome
or that's an outcome that can lead to another outcome
of chaos and what would you call that?
Where we're just in pain and confusion
and heartache and whatever.
And so in order to avoid that, we're trying to control this.
And in order to control this, we have to do this.
Anyway, so it can, so just allow the, basically the chips
in the future, the chips to fall where they may
and let yourself release your current activity
from carrying the burden, that weight and responsibility
of what happens because you're doing the activity.
So say for instance, you're going downstairs
and you're doing the juice and you're like,
oh my goodness, well, what could happen
because I did that?
Like, okay, well, I don't want this outcome.
So therefore I'll do it like this,
where I'm just, or I really need this.
And so, but I think this is going to happen anyway.
And I really want to avoid this,
but there's no way to avoid it unless I don't have this,
unless I don't juice and just go do the juice.
Just go juice and let whatever happens, just happen.
And then let that thing come and present itself
and just handle it however you want to,
regardless of what will then happen as a result of that.
You know, and then just do that with each individual step.
So basically what you're, as weird as it is,
is by just allowing everything to not be okay.
In other words, just allowing it,
meaning like, if it's not okay,
just allow it to be that way.
That's just how it's choosing to be.
It's just choosing to not be okay.
It's like, fine, you can live like that.
I don't want to.
So it's almost like what you're doing is you're kind of,
it's not in an unhealthy way,
but in a way you're disassociating
or basically you're disconnecting really from it.
And you're not allowing yourself to be like driven by it
or controlled by it or determined by it.
It can do its thing.
It can be, you know, kind of like that phrase,
you know, you can be you.
You can just be you over there, you know?
Yeah, this situation or whatever, you can just do that.
But you know what?
I'm going to choose peace.
I'm going to choose to own myself.
I'm going to choose to remember that I am who God says
that I am and that I can actually get to control my life,
so to speak, and the fact that you own it
and you get to make decisions.
We don't get to control the outcome,
even though we're trying, you know?
And then, so you just kind of own yourself
and remember, okay, our God and I are okay.
Yeah.
Why?
Because he said so.
Not because I do something or I'm not doing something
or I feel a particular way or I don't feel a particular way.
I am because he said so.
Even when I'm sinning, are God and I okay?
Yeah.
Okay.
And then immediately that'll diffuse things.
So there's like multiple things you can do
that'll diffuse it to a certain degree.
So that automatically will diffuse it
to a particular degree.
And then, and that, hey, you know, God and I are really okay.
So, all right.
Now, I want to just be that.
I want to be who he says that I am.
And he says that I am, you know,
that I am perfect in his sight,
that he's not holding me obligated to do certain things,
to execute specific things, to create a specific outcome.
He's going to be.
responsible for the outcomes.
So I'm just going to do me though.
And then, so that'll bring a little more relief, like, okay, not being
held accountable or whatever.
And then you just decide, okay, I'm just going to disassociate myself, who
I am from the thing that's happening.
My word that I forgot to put the top on the juicer and now it's all over the
ceiling and it's because, you know, my daughter came down and now she's wanting
to help and so it was because I was distracted and then, so now she's wanting
to help me clean up and she's really just making it worse issues, whatever.
It's like, you just allow the situation to be what it is.
Instead of thinking, I don't want it to be like this.
How can I fix it?
Don't try to fix it.
Just like, okay, then I clean not, oh my goodness, I could have been doing
something else instead of cleaning.
I really had planned this to go different in five minutes.
I wanted to be doing this.
And then the next 15 minutes, I wanted to be doing this just, oh,
that's just not the way that it is.
This is the way that it is.
So what you're doing is you will choose what it is you're doing is you're
choosing to own yourself and not give power to the problem or to the situation.
And because a lot of times they're not actually problems or situations.
It's not giving power to them anymore.
It's just like, okay, well, they, they just, they're just there.
They're not evil.
They're just there.
It's just not going the way that I would prefer.
But I remember that I get to own my, I get to control my life by owning me,
not by controlling my situations.
That's how I own my life.
So that's what I would recommend.
You know, always checking, checking in between you and God, are God and I okay?
Yeah.
He says that he and I are fine.
Okay.
So now I am choosing to allow this situation to just be whatever it is.
Again, the no judgment and the Lord, you know, I ask that you help me.
By taking control of the outcome.
So I'm just going to go through the actions, but I'm not going to carry the
weight of what the actions are going to do is neat, cleaning up, going to help
you do, get it done in five minutes.
Is it going to get done in five minutes?
And then can I finally do this and finally do that?
And those are all outcomes.
Don't hold yourself responsible for them.
Don't try to make them happen.
Just do the actions that you know, that you need to do.
And then just see what God then, what outcomes God then allows or empowers to
then happen without you feeling that you're responsible by what you're
doing to create a specific outcome.
Stop making that a stop making the outcome, your priority, start making you,
your priority, like me and my peace and my joy and me acknowledging that I'm as
valuable as God says, I am, but I am actually a son of God who has authority
on the earth, that I am a king.
That is my priority.
And I'm not talking about a priority about God.
I'm talking about a priority about the situation because the situation needs you.
It's in chaos.
I mean, for instance, can you imagine forgetting to put the top on the juicer?
Can you imagine that happening?
But yeah, and then the mess that it creates, can you imagine that
happening before, um, you know, before the fall?
I mean, sure.
Maybe it did, you know, but I, you know, I just, I don't know.
I can't imagine that probably because I, I associate it with negative
and I associate it with chaos.
And I'm like, oh, well that wouldn't happen before the fall, but maybe it
would, and God just didn't call it negative chaos and nobody felt burdened by it.
The point is like, let's just imagine, you know, would it, would
it happen before the fall?
Probably not.
So the thing is that it's just, it it's, it's creation just operating from a
sense that it doesn't have a king.
It doesn't feel safe.
And so it's just acting the way that it is.
The only way we can change creation from acting the way that it does is that
we have to live proving different.
And then it gets to have the opportunity to respond with, to a different
instruction and then to finally stop acting like that, there are certain
peoples whose lives are just fraught with accidents, they're falling all the
time, they're dropping things or breaking things, things are always, you know,
chaotic and a lot, and not all of it, but sometimes that is actually brought by
the, by we are, it's actually created by the internal turmoil of their own soul.
And like, they're, they feel like they're a victim to life.
And so I didn't know if you've ever known somebody like that, that has a lot of it
happen in their life.
There's a reason for that.
So if their creation around them, not all of it, but an aspect of it is responding to
them.
So in order for our environment to actually respond differently, we have to be the
different that we need it to respond to.
It can't change its course if we don't give it something to.
respond to, because creation responds to us.
So if we have to give it, if we don't like something,
we have to give it something different to respond to.
If we don't like its current response,
we have to be the difference that it has to respond to.
So anyway, so that though is icing on the cake.
Freeing creation from frustration,
that's icing on the cake.
What's your first order of business
is freeing your creation,
meaning your soul and your body from frustration
and into freedom.
So you choose you first.
You know, you choose the importance of you
and other people's souls and bodies and whatever,
but remember that you can't give them you
unless you've owned you first.
Anyway, so I've talked a lot.
I mean, does all that kind of make sense
or resonate about like,
remember you're supposed to choose you
between you and the Lord first,
and then remember,
and just release the outcome of your actions
and just go through the actions.
Be the ruler, be the king,
and expect your orders to be carried out.
But it's responding to your emotional
and spiritual presence that you're bringing it.
Yeah, no, I resonate with that a lot.
And I think, gosh, I mean, I...
Basically, you know what we're talking about
is how to gain freedom for yourself.
That's what we're talking about.
Everything else will come later as a result,
but we're talking about you are that important.
Not how to fix everything around you,
how to free you because you don't deserve
to be in bondage the way that you're currently in bondage.
You don't deserve that at all.
So you choose to free you first
and then the rest will fall into place.
But anyway, go ahead.
Well, and I think like,
I think my struggle is that like I get that
and I live in it for a short period of time
and then I get home and Naya's being crazy.
My mom is asking me something about dinner.
My kids are fighting and I don't even know where to go
or where to turn or who to focus on or what to do.
And then I just get overwhelmed and it's like I freeze
and then I just wanna, I feel like I'm a victim
like in that overwhelming place.
And I feel like I'm in that place so often
and I don't know how to get out of it in the moment.
Yes, so again, in that moment, you choose you.
And remember that because what's making us feel overwhelmed
is we think that there's a right choice.
What am I supposed to do?
Which of the thing needs my attention first?
Which one's the wisest right way?
Which is going to like get the greatest impact, the fastest
or what needs it first to make,
because and again, it's from this perspective
that your life and your decisions
are always being dictated to you
by everything that's happening.
It's not, you get to choose.
And so the Lord and the Holy Spirit will guide you,
will guide you in how to,
in what's the wisest thing to deal with and whatever,
but it can't, but how do I say this?
But we have to, you have to gain basically ownership
of yourself and your value first
because and doing that kind of a little bit
of like in reckless abandon, like just pick one.
It might not quote unquote be the right one
that you would pick later,
that the Holy Spirit would guide you to,
but right now it's too much to try to think of
what is the Holy Spirit saying?
You have to own you first
in order to be able to more clearly hear the Spirit
because in other words, you have to release yourself
from all of this obligation, all of this,
God is holding me to something.
Oh my word, there's a right choice
because we don't know how to approach
picking the right choice from any place other than strife.
And we have to break that strife thing.
So abandon the right choice altogether
and trust that you just making a choice is right.
Pick one.
Which one do you want to deal with?
Like, I'm sorry, mom, just a second.
Or, okay, we'll just let them fight for just a second
so I can like have two minutes to answer her,
or whatever, and it's just because you're one person.
You're not responsible for everything that's happening.
You're not responsible for your kids' choices either.
I know that they're fighting
and I know that it's your responsibility as a mom
to guide them and all of that,
but you're not actually, you can't control them anyway.
You can just give them guidance.
You can't make them choose the right,
what you did in life and the quote unquote right path.
And you can't make them happy.
You can't make them like their brother and sister.
All you can do is guide them
unless you're gonna control their behavior.
And if you're not wanting to do that, then all you can do is guide them and you can't
control them anyway.
So just like, okay, I've taught them better than that.
And they're, they're acting out so they can hang on just a second.
And I'm going to do this, or it might be like, Hey, I'm on, sorry, mom.
Just a moment.
I'm going to deal with this first.
But just pick one, just pick one, whatever it is, though, make, make sure it's your choice.
Remember what I talked about?
When we talked about, like, you were asking me something similar, you said, well, what
do I do?
the, the pot is boiling on the stove, you know, you know, the kids are fighting the
doorbell rings.
Remember, when you walk that through that scenario, and you're like, all of a sudden,
I don't know what to do.
And I said, you know, own yourself first, remember, you're not being dictated to by
the situation.
And like, Oh, my goodness, though, are you going to make the right choice?
And all of a sudden, you are you are doing fine, and things start happening.
And it now forces you to live in a, it forces your next decision and the next steps that
you make in life, simply because it decided it wanted to break out into chaos, my life
was going fine.
And now I have to deal with this, then we can feel like we're always victim to Oh, my
word, I have to is it and send everything outside of us, including other people, like
say, for instance, a parent or a spouse or a kid is dictating our lives.
My life is built in the time I get up to the time I go to bed based on how everybody else
wants to live it.
And I'm just trying to react.
Absolutely not.
So what you're doing is you're just like regaining control of yourself, so you can actually give
yourself so that you can actually deal more effectively with your children, you can guide
them more effectively, you can be who it is that they need, because what they need is
you, they don't need some, they need you as weird as it sounds, they need you before they
need you to help them with themselves.
Because just you just because I don't know, I don't know, wish I knew how to describe
that better.
But it's kind of similar to like, the best thing that a husband can that a dad can do
for his kids is to love their mother.
Well, it seems very indirect to actually providing for a kid's needs, but it is more foundational
and more effective in actually transforming a child, and then like actually helping them
like guide them through their feelings and whatever, it's not that we don't do the other
that's very, very, very important.
But even that, even before that, something that's even more foundational, more effective
to helping them is you being okay, because think of it, think of how many wounds that
all of us have born in our lives, simply because our parents were not okay.
In some aspect of their life, they were bearing some wound or whatever.
And they may not, just because it affected our parents, it affects us, just because they're
hurt and they're wounded, and they're acting a particular way, even if they try not to
act that way to us, just the fact that they're dealing with that is going to affect us.
So we need everyone, we're the first aspect of it, there's a word that I keep looking
for related to that, it's like the first, I keep thinking of a, it's a land word, but
anyway, we're the first aspect of our kingdom that God has entrusted us with, is you.
He entrusted you with you before he entrusts you with your, trusts you currently with your
husband or with your kids, he entrusts you first with you, you're your first order of
business, you are what they need.
I was thinking, what does everyone else need?
They need you to be you, so that you have you to give.
It's all of the stuff about selfish parents and whatever, we think of that, we could get,
we could confuse what it is I'm saying here with those selfish parents.
Those people are the exact opposite.
Those people do not own themselves.
And they're always trying to self-medicate and self-comfort and self-whatever, because
they do not own themselves.
So you don't have to worry about, oh, this is going to make me a self-centered parent
where I'm focused first on myself before the kids.
It's not, it's what enables you to give them what they need.
And it doesn't create selfishness.
It's coming into agreement with who God says you were.
And anything that God says is always the right foundation from which he expects, you know,
you to obey him and like everything else, know you to be the best mom that he intended
for the kids and everything.
So in other words, I just wanted to encourage you that there's nothing, release yourself
from God expecting something of you, from God, from there being something that you want
to be careful to not miss or to not, or to forget or to be lazy and not do or whatever,
just release yourself.
off from all of that and just choose that you and God are okay and he's not obligating you to
anything in this time of your life. There's nothing that you have to do, there's nothing
that you have to accomplish, there's nothing that you have to make sure works out, that you and he
are okay, that you are really truly who he says that you are, and that he really is as good as
he says that he is. And then live from that place. So it's a very simple thing to remember,
but you just always have to go back to it and choose that as your higher priority over the
chaos of the situation. And that's hard because the chaos of the situation triggers all of our
fears of, oh my word, I've got to do this right, you know, and choose you over doing it right.
That's going to feel very foreign, but I promise you it works. I promise you that transforms your
family. It transforms your environment because that transformation God intends to come through
you. But if you don't allow yourself to be transformed by having made the choice,
then it can't come through you to affect it. Anyway, what do you think?
Yeah, no, I think that's like you hit the nail on the head. It's just a matter of
doing it, I guess. Yeah, of the doing it. And like, like I said, it is a hard choice.
Yeah, it's a hard choice, but it is very simple. That's the only thing you need to remember.
It's not, goodness, it's very loud. Sorry, let me turn this off. There we go.
Um, it's, it's very simple. And the fact that you just remember, okay,
are God and I okay. That was something that I thought of in this past rest intensive to just
kind of encourage everybody with. I said, all right, I said, stop thinking of all the things
that you should be doing. You should be remembering the rest intensive tools and
forget about it all. So if it's overwhelming and you just need to remember one thing,
ask yourself in any situation with your unrest, are God and I okay?
And the answer we always know is yes. But what it does is it promises to make a choice
because remember, we can't convince ourselves that God and we are okay. We've all tried to
do that our whole life. And this is where it's gotten us nowhere. We can't convince ourselves
because we did a darn good job of trying and it didn't work. So we just finally have to make the
choice that is actually true. Even if we feel like it's, we're making it up because nothing
else has worked other than making a choice that it is our reality. And so own yourself enough
where you're like, I have my own free will, um, authority and power that God is giving me to make
my own decision about whether I'm going to agree with him or not. I'm going to wield that power of
my own free will by choosing that that is true by choosing that what he said about me and about
himself is true and immediately everything will diffuse. Oh, another thing that might be helpful
as well is, and I had to practice this on myself. Um, recently, probably like two weeks ago, maybe
I, um, I was struggling with something and, um, my poor husband was washing. You just struggle
with it and I'm crying. And finally I just ran into the bathroom to just deal with it on my own.
It was joining me in the Lord. I'm like, I've just got to get in love with the Lord. I just
deal with this. So I go in there crying and I'm sitting there. I literally was sitting in the
bathtub or was I, maybe I was sitting on top in the layer. I like slid down in the bathtub, you
know, or, you know, it wasn't full of water or anything, but I was just sitting there and I'm
just like, I felt like a child just sitting here, just like, you know, throwing a little internal
temper tantrum or whatever. And I was, and, um, whatever the thing was, I was feeling, I was
feeling, that's what it was. I was feeling mad. I was feeling really mad. And so I was honest
with the Lord about it. Remember how we talk about the negative emotions, um, and, uh, with a lot,
you know, in that particular rest intensive that we were all in. And I, I just accepted
the fact that I felt that way. I acknowledged to myself, cause again, basically I'm giving my soul
a voice. This is how I feel. So this is, this comes along the same lines of, of releasing judgment,
you know, of like, well, the situation shouldn't be like this. It should be different. You know,
this is not how I expected the morning to go. And it's not what I wanted. It's the same thing with
our emotions. Like we can feel like this is not what I wanted. This is not how I should feel.
You know, I should feel better. I should feel different. I should feel more Holy or whatever.
And we're like, you shouldn't be mad. I'm like, but you are. So I just, just like I said, you know,
just allow the situation not be okay. I told myself that like, okay, so I'm just not okay right now.
You know, and I said, I'm just mad.
And I wasn't really talking to God, I kind of was because he I was I was having him be there with me because again we have to make sure we have to go to God in all of our emotions, and just know by experience with him that he really is okay with
no matter what emotion we're feeling, and that he just like lets us be there without correcting us.
You'll let us sit with our emotions and he'll sit with us in our emotions and he won't say anything.
You know, you didn't he won't correct us to be like, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, yeah, you're mad. That's okay. Be mad, we get, I can sit here we can be like, Okay, so I did that to myself so he was there, but I'm like talking to myself and I'm like, and I chose to accept myself as I was you know how to talk about like losing
to have to like accept her body for as it is without requiring it to change. I did that with my emotions, like, Okay, I'm mad.
And understand I was mad to the point like I was weeping I was so mad.
And I was like, Okay, I'm mad, and immediately it went from a 10 to one.
Simply because I heard myself and I accepted myself as mad. And I didn't require myself to change or to be any different. It's like, this is what it is. I'm not approving of myself being mad.
I'm just accepting myself and I'm not requiring myself to be different. I'm just allow I'm sitting with myself, allowing myself to be mad without telling myself I need to, I need to get out of it.
I went from a 10 to a one, did it fix the problem and the reason why I was mad. No, I knew that was still something that needed to be dealt with it was still some root in there that have prompted it, but it was now going to be easier to deal with now that I wasn't
fighting me.
I wasn't trying to resist the fact that this is how I feel. So anyway, that's another thing that's helpful is just when you're in those situations and you're feeling you're feeling stressed or you're feeling upset or you're feeling overwhelmed you're feeling whatever
it is, you just acknowledge yourself. Oh well, I'm feeling overwhelmed, or I'm feeling mad, and just allow yourself the space to just feel that way. I don't need to sit there and feed on it.
I mean you accept yourself like that. Okay, I am a person who is mad right now. And immediately it'll drop.
It's really is wild so that'll help as well because I mentioned keep mentioning all these things that will help diffuse our God and I okay you know fully accept yourself to spirit is that you are that'll help diffuse it, and then just give it over to the Lord
Okay, Lord, you know what I wanted things to go up to the way today, and they're just not doesn't mean that you won't cause it to it just means that I'm going to stop trying.
So, I'm just going to go through the actions I'm going to literally enjoy the living of it, the living out of today. I'm getting up on the counter and I'm wiping juice off the ceiling and I'm, you know, and then I'm doing this I'm better.
My goodness, you know, several weeks ago, I couldn't have done all this physical exertion, I'm so grateful I can do this. And you know that this is how God created laws of physics to work it's actually really fascinating.
So, you don't have to be that involved in what you think that you just you appreciate living in the moment instead of being frustrated that life is getting in your way of living life.
Yeah. What you're doing is you're living life that what you're doing isn't getting in the way that's what we're here doing.
You know, wiping stuff off the ceiling and, you know, and having all of these various things that we can fill our time and our lives with and the fact that we're walking our kids through and guiding them through all of their feelings and all their
frustration all that that's, we're doing it.
It's not keeping us from doing it. It's actually that that is it. So you can enjoy the moment, as opposed to just trying to get through them to get to the real moments, but these are the moments.
Yeah.
I think that's how I've been living. Yeah.
So, something like, I don't know really know if it's along similar lines but I have a question here in regard to like parenting.
I think one of my biggest struggles is boundaries.
My mom was very good at keeping about holding boundaries with me. And so I'd like it to struggle I like feel guilt or like feel.
They're not going to see me as loving when I hold the boundaries, and I mean even things like I'm trying to figure out, like, I want them to walk in freedom, I don't want them to walk.
But like when it comes to food like obviously they're going to choose ice cream over a healthy dinner, you know, like, as a parent, how do I choose. How do I make boundaries while also allowing them freedom.
If that makes sense.
What I found to be very helpful is, is always giving, I say always doing as much as possible to give a child a semblance of control. And by that I don't mean it's fake.
I mean, just like it helps them feel that they're in control, but you're still providing
the what do they call those those bumpers, you know, like the in like bowling, you know,
you're still providing bumpers, you know, but they get to choose.
So sometimes it's like choosing between two things, you know, okay, well, you can either
eat dinner, you know, eat, this is what we're going to have, you can either eat this, or
you could, you know, you can, you know, go get ready for bed early, or you can and not
be in a mean way or anything.
And I'm just making one suggestion, you know, you could, if you want it, everybody parents
differently, you could give them the option between you can have vegetables, and then
they can choose which vegetable they want to eat, but you've made both and they have
to choose one of them.
Yeah, you know, or whatever, but it's not a you have to choose one of them.
I just told you that that I mean, you know, you explain it in different way where it's
like that you're still the mom, you're like, hey, this is what we're doing.
And yes, we're going to eat what it is that we have on the table.
This is what mom's prepared, he said, you know, but, you know, you don't have to eat
the green beans, if you don't want to, but then there's like, the Brussels sprouts, there's
the broccoli or whatever, you know, you can do you want to eat this one?
Or do you want to eat this one?
So that that wording is also more helpful, you know, do you want to do this?
Or do you want to do this, as opposed to you have to do this?
Or you have to do this, that anything that has the have to phrase, right, even an adult
or rebel, you know, but if it's, if it's worded in such a way of like, hey, it's, it's an
option.
Hey, do you choose this?
Or do you choose this in that they hear I have a choice?
What am I and they also learn to take responsibility for their own actions, because I chose, right,
do you choose this?
Or do you want to choose this as opposed to, you know, you need to eat this, or you need
to eat this, which one is it going to be that doesn't make them feel like they're having
control.
But still, you as the mom are still guiding them, you're like, No, these are the only
two options.
No, I know that you don't want to eat either one.
And no going to bed early is not an option.
It's this one or it's this, you know, it's like, do you want to eat the green beans?
Or do you want to eat this?
You know, option number three that you're suggesting, right, that that's not an option.
But you do have a choice to want this one, or do you want this kind of a thing ensure
there are other ways of dealing like what if they refuse to both and, and all of that,
but that's the general idea.
That's helpful, because it gives them freedom, but then you're still providing guidance of
what they need to do.
Right.
Well, I think we're pretty good at that.
But although you gave me some other ideas, I think like, like, especially being at my
parents' house at our house, we just don't have a lot of stuff.
Like on Saturdays, we have ice cream, like we have dessert on Saturdays, but my parents
have dessert all the time.
And so it's like, you know, my kids like, Oh, can I have ice cream tonight?
And it's kind of like, and they have like, Titus will have like a massive bowl and want
a second bowl.
And it's kind of like, I don't want him to have food issues, because I controlled everything
he ate.
But like, what do I I don't, I don't know what to do.
Because it's like, I don't believe it's healthy for him to have two massive bowls of ice cream
as a 12 year old.
Like, I don't know if you have ideas for that, like,
well, I mean, there, you could give them actually a, you can also tell kids no, and give them
an option of something else.
Just like that whole thing of like, I was giving an example of like two different vegetables,
but then they're like, Well, I don't want to eat either one of them.
Can I do such and such?
Instead?
I'm sorry, I'm afraid that that's not an option.
You can do you know, do you choose this?
Or do you choose this?
So it's the same kind of a thing is it's like, it doesn't, you can tell the kid if they say,
Hey, look, you know, I want to do this.
Well, I'm sorry, we can't do this.
But you know, would you like to do this?
Or would you like to do this?
And they're like, totally.
It's non dessert related.
If you don't want them to have dessert, I have to have to search, be given something else
where they feel that they can choose as opposed to just a flat out, no, or no.
And now you have there's only one other choice, because it's not a choice.
If this is a no, this isn't it.
And you told them no, do this instead.
That's not a that's not a choice.
They still they feel the stifling of I'm not saying that it's wrong to do that as a parent.
I'm just saying it makes it harder.
And then if you're talking about like, how do you provide freedom?
How do you teach freedom within guidance?
You know, that's what I'm talking about.
I'm not saying that the other you can't ever do.
I'm just saying it doesn't make things harder, especially with certain kids who just really need choices,
you know, really need to have some control, you know, like, well, you can't do that.
You can absolutely say no.
But if it helps them and keeps that, you know, helps them like in the way that you're wanting to like teach.
freedom, you come up with some other choices, something they
can do, you know, I'm afraid, you know, can't, we're not going
to have any ice cream tonight. But was wondering, you know,
would you like to go to? Would you like to, you know, read me
to read, you know, a couple of chapters of such and such
tonight? Or would you like to do that? I mean, it's totally
nondescript. Yeah, you know, and come up with options that sound
fun. And that still allow you to say no, without creating
rebellion. Right, you know, right there, but you're still
saying no, you can absolutely do that as the parent, right?
Help, right, if you give them some kind of a semblance that
they can choose something else, because really, what you're
doing is you're creating real life scenarios. We can't don't
always get to do what we want to do. But there's always choices
of doing something else instead, even if it's totally unrelated.
Right? You know, sometimes the choices we don't give ourselves
for between two different desserts, sometimes it's
something instead of dessert. Okay, so I'm not going to eat
dessert tonight. But you know, instead, I'm just going to go to
bed a little early. And I'm going to like draw myself a long
bath. And then I'm going to read a book, read a book in bed for a
while. It's totally unrelated to dessert. You know, we do the
same thing with kids, you know, get in, just let them know, Hey,
look, the world is big. You know, there's so many fun
things to write. So just kind of helps them learn to find more
fun in life and simply what they focused on. It helps. And then
they can start thinking of that on their own as well. Like, Oh,
what else could I do? Right? Right. True. Okay. Yeah, that's
helpful. Yeah. And totally. Just one other example, like say, for
instance, if they play want to play video games, you're like,
I don't know, no more video games. You know, you're like,
No, can't. We're not gonna do video games. But would you like
to? We, you know, would you like to play? If I were to, you know,
play baseball with you for a while? Or would you like to, you
know, shoot hoops, you know, in the, in the, what do you call
it in the driveway? Whatever? Well, that's, it's because you
were wanting to get them outside. And you're wanting to
say no to, to, to the video games, kind of put a couple of
choices outside. Right? Do you want to do this? Or do you want
to do this? So it's just, so you just have to learn to be
creative. And the longer that you do it, the more it'll come
to you in the moment, because there'll be a way of thinking
because really, that's what you're doing is you are having
to change your way of thinking about life. Instead of just
instead of this perspective of how do I control their behavior?
Think of it more, but that's harder to come up with all of
these examples that I mentioned, if you're trying to control
behavior. But if you're just if you're trying to if you're
thinking about it from the perspective of my word, you
know, I love my children, I want them to have fun, I want them to
whatever, you know, then it's easier to think, okay, yeah, but
the reason why I don't want them to have ice cream is because I
love them. And it's not because I want to tell them no, and I'm
going to control their behavior. I'm like, it's not good. But you
know what, I love my kid. And I love to see him happy. Oh, let's
see if I can come up with like, something else that's fun for
him to do that, like, leads him in a more positive direction
spends more time in a reading or spends more time doing
whatever. So really, it's you changing your perspective that
helps in your approach to life and what it is you're actually
trying to accomplish that will help examples more readily come
to mind in the moment. So anyway, those ideas. Yeah, yeah.
Well, let's see what time is that I've got another Oh, I have
another call in five minutes. But do you have anything else?
Any other question?
Anything that
something that I've just briefly that I've, I've been my sister
introduced me to? Well, what it is to be a highly sensitive
person. I don't know if you've heard that term.
Yeah, I don't remember what it means. But other than just like
ultra ultra sensitive, but yeah,
it's like sensitive, like, lights, loud, bright, loud. Yes,
lots of people, they just need a lot more alone time to like,
yes. And so I know that I'm one of them. But then I know that
you've talked about before that, you know, introverts and
extroverts are not really a thing like. So I guess, and I
know, I don't know if you can have a short answer for this.
But I guess, can that be overcome? Do you believe that
can be overcome? Oh, absolutely. Something that I can, I just
accepted myself.
Yeah, oh, absolutely. So it, you know, it can be. But what I
would suggest is that you can't overcome it by like, well, you
technically can, wouldn't try to overcome it by like, sheer
willpower, whatever, I would try to overcome it kind of like in
same sense of losing weight, to accept that.
this is bothering you and accept yourself,
kind of like negative emotions,
like, oh, I'm mad or whatever.
Just like, okay, I'm being,
I'm actually really being bothered by this
and see if that immediately starts to at least diffuse it.
So stop resisting you and thinking,
I shouldn't be like this, I should be different.
Accept yourself like it, but not accept it like,
well, this is the way I am.
And you know, it's just don't identify with it,
but love and accept yourself in that,
expression of, well, you know,
I'm feeling very hypersensitive to this light
or I'm being hypersensitive to, you know,
to the mattress or, you know, whatever,
like the princess and the pea, you know,
she was all stressed and stuff.
So anyway, that's what I would do.
You do it by stopping resisting yourself
and thinking, oh, I shouldn't be like this.
I want to be different.
I want to whatever.
Fully loving yourself the way it is
because it's actually your body thinking it's under,
it's hyper alert.
It's like a body that's susceptible to disease or whatever.
It's like, it's that same kind of an idea.
It's the body just thinking, you know,
I need to be hyper vigilant because I'm always under threat
and you need to just let it know, hey, you're not,
but you know what you think you are.
So that's okay.
I'll be here with you.
Yeah, you know, you're,
cause you're not trying to stop yourself from,
and just tell yourself that it's not true,
that it's not real, you know, or just quilt yourself.
You just fully accept it the way it is.
And then it will no longer need to be
in self-protection mode against you
because it actually finds that you're providing it
a safe enough place to be whatever it is.
And then it'll have the courage to change.
And I can almost promise you,
because I believe that this is actually going to happen.
It's going to greatly reduce, if not completely go away.
Okay.
Yeah. I'm not, I'm not sure.
As a friend of mine says, you know, it's not,
it's not a best say of the Lord,
but it's stronger than an opinion.
So there you go.
It's the sense I have.
So anyway, but yeah, it really is amazing
how much we overcome if we just stop resisting it.
Okay.
All right.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, thanks Ashley.
It's good to visit with you.
I'm sorry that you're going through what you are.
Just remember that you are truly,
I know, I don't mean any of this to sound cliche-ish.
It's like, it really truly is that I promise you
is the solution that fixes everything.
Is to choose that you are as valuable
as God says that you are.
To remember who he says you are.
You are a king.
You are a son of God, you know,
and you do have that authority.
You're not responsible to anything for any situation,
you know, and God doesn't obligate you
to any of those things.
You just choose, you just choose him
and choose that you and he are okay.
And then from that will flow all of the obedience.
From that will flow very clearly
being able to hear from the Holy Spirit.
All of that comes from letting everything go
and stop trying to make it happen
and stop trying to keep all the balls in the air
and try to do the right thing.
Abandon doing the right thing
and choose yourself instead
and who God says that you are
because he says that you effortlessly do more right
by his character than all of the striving
in which that can accomplish that you're doing it all with.
But you have to trust that it'll happen when you let it go.
And it's hard to let it go
because we're like, if I let it go, it won't happen.
And he's just like, no, just like risk letting it all go
to hell in a handbasket and choose me instead.
And then you'll find out that it won't.
Yeah.
Okay.
I feel like I need to re-watch this
and go and take notes.
Well, it will be,
I will tell you when it's up and available
for you to access and watch.
It will be on the new platform
which I'll explain it all to you later.
But anyway, so I'll let you know.
I'm trying to get everything.
I'm trying to get new internet today
because I'm not able to upload anything right now
because I don't have good enough internet for that.
I'm using cell service for this.
And, but when I do, I'll let you know.
Okay.
Sounds good.
Thank you.
Good to see you, Casey.
You too.
All right.
Bye.