Hello everyone, I'm going to plug up my iPad really quickly.
Okay.
Hey.
I don't have the opportunity to like have, um, you know, San Fran behind me. It's not anymore. Oh, I know.
I don't know. There's a way to pick it you know there's a way to pick your zoom background. And I think you must have had it as your default, and maybe your settings got reset or something and so now it's no longer your default.
Rita had the same thing she had apparently accidentally defaulted to a blurred background and I thought that will just like you're doing and I thought, Oh, that is so cool.
How do you do it she's like I don't know I just thought it came like this. So, it was a default setting apparently. Okay. Yeah, well we'll make this blur work so.
Yeah.
Either way, this is my husband, Ed.
I don't know everything about you.
I hope so I don't know.
But, you know,
so Tammy is very close she's here in DFW. Okay. Yeah. So, you remember, I keep telling you about Dan and Kim Wheeler, and we haven't gotten you know you haven't gotten anything yet.
I know her through, I know Tammy through Rita and Kim so you met Rita.
Remember she was one of the ladies that we did a personal ministry session with a few months ago. And anyway, so they're all friends together they've known each other for about 10 years before any of them were married that kind of thing.
So anyway, so they've all as one of the folks that I met long ago when I came to visit.
When we're dating.
No, none of these people are now. Okay, no. Yeah.
In fact, Tammy and I just met a month and a half ago, I guess, during this rest intensive Yeah.
But I'd always heard about her, you know, but I'd never gotten to get so anyway. All right.
This is a bit of a, of a different one than the normal transformation session and so really I think I may have explained it before but really it's just about, you know, providing people with an opportunity to, like, talk about things that maybe they would
like, you know, healing for or maybe especially on their, you know, on their hearts basically like healing from the Lord for something that they'd like to just kind of like work through with him or whatever.
And then I'm sure you're very familiar with you know inner healing and all of that, with your background and stuff so anyway that is
you guys froze but I don't know if it's on my side or not.
Can you hear me.
Oh, okay, you're back back. Okay, good.
So, um, so anyway, it's, um, so that's what that's what this time is about and and so we just didn't know if there was anything in particular, because we've noticed we we offered it last rest intensive and it was so impactful that I thought okay apparently
this is something I need to be offered.
So, anyway, that's just kind of the purpose of this I realized that it was meeting so many so many needs and touching people in places that they just weren't used to having any kind of like feeling like they had any attention in, or someone to help walk
through something that was like just really, really heavy on their hearts between them the Lord. So, and I don't mean to make all this sound very heavy I'm just letting you know it was that big of a deal to people.
When we watch people through and basically just ask them Hey, what would you like, you know, Jesus for you to do it Jesus to do for you today. And then they, and then all of a sudden this stuff would come up that I'm thinking, I never heard any of this stuff
you know, no one brought this up in the transformation sessions or whatever but because it was kind of a different type of a setup, boom, all this stuff came up.
And a lot of people are like well you know I have issues with them. And I'm struggling with my father I'm struggling with this thing that happened or I'm struggling with whatever.
of it was stuff I never even knew existed. And, but it's what
was important to them. It was what they wanted Jesus to do for
them. So I guess it's basically, you know, just our question is,
is there anything that you'd like, you know, Jesus to, to do
for you? I mean, is there anything that's just really deep
in there that you're holding before him or?
Um, okay, I don't, I do have two things, I guess, that came to
mind. Um, I really don't feel like I'd have lots of background
on inner healing, like, despite like, my background, I'm like,
I really never put those things together. Like, I don't know,
maybe I know it, but it's a different term. So I don't have
so feel free to tell me a little more. Um, but I did, I know, I
watched this spirit. I'm talking to like your soul and your body.
So I'm a guess that it's aligned and similar to that. Um, I think
I've realized that one of the things is, I feel like we've
talked a little bit about this, but I feel like I am like easily
wounded sometimes. And I'm like, I don't, I don't know, maybe I
guess I feel very sensitive to others judgments or perceptions
of me. And I think I'm getting a little better. Like I definitely
have seen some growth, but I think that there's definitely
some deeper things like I really want to walk, like, feel
comfortable. And like, I can just be me just be like, Tammy, my
personality, and just like not feel like I have to, like, I'm
going to start with today, I'm going to a networking event, I'm
about to put my resume back up and get out there. And I don't
want like, past wounds from a previous boss, or even things
that I've experienced with my husband, or even things that
I've experienced as a child, say with between my mother and me,
too. I don't want to bring that wound itself. Like I want to
bring like, I'm a daughter of God, like, I walk in love, you
know, I can articulate my thoughts clearly and
confidently, like I want to be in that space, like all the
time, you know what I'm saying? And so and I think, you know, in
my previous work instance, I guess that's part one. And then
part two is just like, I feel like I'm like, God has gifted
me, I can write really well. But sometimes it's like when I'm
trying to articulate something just like off the cuff, and I'm
like, I have the best intentions. Like, why are they
mad? Like, you know what I mean? Like, I just want to be able
like I have friends that can just flow. It's just like,
you're one of those people just like, like, it just came out
beautifully, like, I want to have confidence that it's like,
Lord, if it's you're showing me a book, if you're just making it
happen, if you're helping me organize my thoughts, but I just
want to be able to flow from that space, because I feel like
it's really, really important just to be a really good
communicator in that way. So um, I think those are the two
things that I can think of.
Now related to the communication, were you saying
that what was on your heart is to be able to communicate things
just really well, so you can express yourself? Or is it
specifically because you have that on your heart? And you're
like, Oh, I know that God's birthing something in there. Or
were you saying that, like, in other words, better
communication, because people keep getting hurt, and I don't
know why. Like, yes, to avoid the outcome I'm getting, is
that something you're holding before the Lord?
I think it's both. I think it's both of those things. Because
it's sometimes it's like, yeah, it's totally it's totally both
of those things. Because I just want to be more. I don't know,
maybe it's just being more in tune and maybe discerning of
what maybe maybe that's the deeper spiritual root of it.
Like, discerning of where, where people are, and what their
hearts are, and what how they need to be spoken to, because I
do feel like sometimes it's that conflict between like, there's
the line, but like, I want to just, you know, I don't know,
it's a line between like being assertive and being pushy, or
just being just like, I don't feel like sometimes that nuance
those nuances really come through, but it's both of those
things. And I don't know if this is making sense. But I feel
like in this space, it was like, I'm about to reenter the job
market, I just, and I'm going to be interacting with people more
on a daily basis. I just want life to come through from all of
those conversations, interactions, and just God to
give me the discernment and how to communicate well with people
so that my heart can be shown His
or can be shown and they can get what they need, and vice versa.
Okay.
Makes sense.
Okay.
All right.
Well, so I'll share a couple of things with you.
That's okay.
Um, so, uh, like I absolutely, obviously I have no idea who you are.
I never even heard your name until today.
She may have told me, but you know, we men sometimes have selective hearing.
And I'm not very good with names.
So, but, uh, it's just kind of interesting.
I, I don't know why, and this is Staley.
I wrote down that you're a mover and a shaker and that sometimes for
the moving, there's a lot of shaking.
And I felt that there was a lot of shaking going on, uh, with you right
now and that I wrote down, uh, two other things that I didn't understand.
Uh, and one was, uh, broken boundaries and that there are things in your life
I feel like are coming full circle and that, uh, but the cycles aren't going
to continue and, uh, that I feel that maybe the broken boundaries part
listening to you now has to do with some of these things that you want to, don't
want to carry forward, uh, from your past and also to set healthy boundaries
for you so that some of those cycles of wounding and things don't continue
to happen either, because sometimes setting healthy boundaries, uh,
doesn't, uh, doesn't feel good initially, I guess.
And that there's some areas of your life.
I felt like that we're coming full circle and some of that could be good,
but it can be a little scary, especially if it didn't go super great.
The, in the past and that, uh, one, I felt like the Lord wanted you to know
that you're not just repeating things again, you know, that you're
not just circling the mountain.
You know, it's like, there are a lot of people I know that say this, but Graham
cook, for instance, would say, you know, you don't fail a test, you just get to
retake it over and over and over and over again.
And I feel like that.
Um, one it's, it's like you're higher up the mountain, you know, so you circle
the mountain, you're going higher and higher, so you're, you're higher, but I
also feel like you've been equipped in the past season that are going to allow
you and empower you to make different decisions that is going to make clear
to you that you're not the same person.
It's like, behold, I do a new thing or we're a new creation.
You're a different person.
You're not the same.
And the only way I can put it to you is, uh, when I started this part of my
journey, I was beaten up and broken and all kinds of stuff.
And I was like, I want to change.
And I said, no, I don't want to change.
I've changed enough because I there's changing this and it goes back and it
ends up, I don't want a changing.
I want transformation.
I want like my DNA to change.
And I had a woman that used to say, Ed.
Uh, I had a guy come and talk one time and he said, Ed, there's first degree
change, and then that first degree change is like when you take apples,
you turn them into apple slices.
And second degree change is when you turn apples into applesauce.
There's no putting the applesauce back into an apple.
It's that great of a change.
And I feel that there is some encouragement that Lord wants to bring
you in this season to make and solidify for you.
Absolutely.
That there's that dynamic of change that's taken place in you and
that you don't need to worry.
Also that there are going to be opportunities for you to make different
decisions.
They're going to give you different opportunities, you know, they're
giving you different outcomes.
Um, so it's not, uh, the definition of insanity where you're doing the same
thing over and over again, expecting a different result that you're going to
be making powerful decisions.
They're going to make a difference in how things come forth and including, I
believe something in this very season you're in right now.
Uh, I believe that there's something stirring that is, it's like, kind of
like a healing, uh, so that like the triggers aren't there anymore, that
there's going to be healthier relationships.
And, uh, I like to make fun of myself a lot, but you know, uh, I can, the
only person that's been in every argument that I've ever had is me.
Right.
Like the, every fight I've ever been into, there's only one common
denominator in all of them.
And that's me.
Right.
And so sometimes it's the people like people used to joke.
Where I met Ashley, Ed, your pickers broke, right?
So you used to say, it's, it's your pick.
You don't, you don't know how to pick them.
Well, you know, wounded people like to hang out with wounded people, broken
people, hang out with broken people, hurt people, hurt people, and you're
not in an aspect of you where all like the onion is getting peeled all the time.
There's an aspect of you that's being healed, has already been healed.
And so the things that are naturally attracted to you are going to be different.
So this is the inward change that has the outward effect.
It's it, there's a dynamic change.
That's already begun.
It's already happened, but there's a, in this very season, I want to, I
would almost say in the moment, there's some dramatic, there may not seem
dramatic to everyone else, but they're dramatic to you, right?
And also the shroud of invisibility.
I don't know what else to call it.
The shroud that seems to keep you hidden and not to be seen, let alone
appreciate it is about to be lifted.
And I think it's a part of the season that you're in that God has you in is
that, uh, the person in it and it's like, um, it's like that song says revival
starts with me and, um, I don't have any of this written down, so I hope all
of this makes some semblance of sense for you, but it's like, there's a, there's
a new love birthing in your own heart for yourself.
I'll say that again.
There's a new love birthing in your heart for yourself.
And this thing, these things, they're going to get healed.
They're not little things.
There are things that happened to us in our life that we've been
told that we just need to get over.
Rubbed, especially as a man, we can say, rub some dirt on it, you know, and
women don't say rub some dirt on it.
It's going to be okay, but there's still that semblance of it's
not that big a deal in whatever.
But it's just like scar tissue that, that, you know, breaks up.
And, uh, I, again, I like to make fun of myself.
So I moved here to Texas, actually the guy who's her friend that we're staying
here, he gets up very early in the morning.
He's a very intense man for 15 in the morning and start asking me to go to the
gym with him, which I haven't done for some time.
And, uh, and he does all kinds of, but like, we're going to four 45 in the
morning, which is like, I used to go to bed at four 45 in the morning.
And, but at some point I was like, oh man, this thing hurts.
And there's this guy's working out.
And you know, there, he's like, oh, let me see this.
He goes, what is that right there?
And I'm like, ah, right.
And he starts going like, oh, you feel that crunchiness.
That's all that scar tissue, you know?
Like, and I'm just crying and I got tears running down my face.
And then he's like, no, move your arm.
And I'm like, oh, look at that.
Like, and in a similar sense, these things that happen to us build scar tissue up.
And I feel like there's some scar tissue in your life.
They call it the death of a thousand paper cuts.
You know, it's like, I feel like there's been some scar tissue in your life that,
that may the individual components, they may not seem like a big deal.
We'll dumb it down.
It's like nobody, unless they've had massive trauma, nobody thinks that they've
had trauma in their life until somebody else hears your story.
And then they go like, oh man, that's terrible.
You know, like that's, that's traumatic, you know, but it's my story.
Like I never, it's just what I grew up with.
Right.
And so chances are you've had some things spoken over you that
never should have been said.
There's times in your life where you needed to be celebrated and you wished.
Right.
And I'm sure you can think of some of those times.
The reality is that he celebrates you.
He's celebrating you right now.
These things were a big deal to him.
Right.
And I'll, I'll just, I'm not trying to put my finger on anything.
Okay.
But no matter how great your parents were or are.
Okay.
Compared to God, the father, the perfect mother, the perfect father,
they're going to have fallen short.
Okay.
And everybody is in this book.
We all have had things that have happened to us, you know, and for
instance, there's two types of trauma.
There's trauma.
A there's trauma B.
Right.
And one we're really familiar with something happens where you were assaulted.
We were abused.
Uh, we saw something we shouldn't have seen.
The other trauma are the things that we were supposed to receive that we never did.
And there are some things for all of us that have happened to us that should have happened,
or things that should have happened that didn't, right?
And God is in the place of redeeming and restoring these things in our lives,
including filling those places.
And of the two traumas, the hardest one on our own to heal is the trauma
where we didn't get what we needed.
It's like having cells in the battery of your car, and there are three of them that are empty.
They just never were filled up.
And you know what that shows up like is capacity.
Like there are things in our lives that we don't have the capacity
for because we've just never used it, right?
And these unhealed places are like that spot that made me cry when the guy put his finger on it.
Those are like sore spots that don't ever seem to heal.
And when people touch those things, that 14-year-old version of you comes screaming out, right?
And then we're acting or Ed's acting like a 14-year-old.
Well, because I am.
In that place, I'm 14 years old because that's what happened.
Does that make sense?
Yes, totally.
So I believe that in a good way, and I've said this to many people.
I've said to Ashley, this isn't you trying harder.
This isn't you trying to fix yourself.
This is God coming and putting his finger on these places with love, no condemnation,
to bring healing to you because you're worth it, because he loves you,
and because written right over top of your head, I see written beautiful.
And that's something that he's placed there.
And, you know, God's opinions aren't just opinions.
It's not like your mom saying stuff, you know, like, oh, look at my beautiful girl, right?
Well, every mom thinks their kids like it's like they say like only a face
that a mom would love for a reason.
But that's not how he, it's just truth, you know?
And that's why sometimes I'll just bring Ashley in for a second.
She says, oh, that's sweet.
I said, it is a sweet.
It's the truth.
Like, don't say it's sweet.
It's the truth.
I'm not telling you to be nice.
I'm telling you the truth.
Telling you the truth.
Right.
And so what inner healing, if I break it down just quick, is like, we know about physical healing.
You've got a broken bone, you know, you may get a cast on it or God, or somebody lays hands
on you, prays and knits your bones back together.
And though people think it's rare these days, but that stuff, people believe that can happen.
Some people, they will say they understand there's deliverance in the Bible and depending
on where you are in your life, in God, maybe it's something that you hold to or not, but it's the
truth and that's spirit and we're body, soul, and spirit, but in the soul, God can heal you just
like a broken bone, there are woundings, memories, traumas, things that should have
happened that shouldn't happen.
That's where our, you know, places where we've got inner bowels or self-protection or
unforgiveness and things like that, that are healed.
And so it's the inner healing is the healing of the soul, is the way I look at it.
And again, this isn't like, okay, I want you to say this to yourself 10 times a day in the
mirror, in the morning, you're the most wonderful person in the world, you know, and you say
10 times a day and you maybe should, I don't know, but the point is, it's not something that
you're doing, it's the Holy Spirit coming in power, like that comes when there's deliverance,
like what happens when there's physical healing, for you to receive the healing and the
end of the spirit to come upon you and to bring healing into these places.
Does that make sense to you?
Yes, it does.
Thank you.
Right.
And one of the big ones that people mostly associate with inner healing is healing of
memories, right?
And this is the five cent, the two cent version of whatever that looks like is, is
basically there are memories that we have that are troublesome or pivotal or where
something originated or there's trauma, like something, you know, happened to us or
whatever.
for the cases. And I had a boss and, and he was a huge history person.
And he said he was fascinated by history because history is his story.
And, and there's an aspect where God will come into those memories, bring healing
to them, and then that history becomes his story.
He redeems those moments, brings healing.
And those things don't have hold of us anymore.
That tenderness is gone.
Those triggers, like everybody's got triggers.
I don't care who you are.
Right.
And you know, when you've hit one, because, you know, all of a sudden the
kitten turns into a lion and you're running for the door, it's like that just
happens.
And so that's what, what inner healing really, really is.
And there's mothers and fathers wounds.
There's things that, um, happened to us even.
And, um, I don't want to get too far down the bend, but, you know, um, and, and
these things have an effect on our lives.
And, um, even in generational senses, like if even science is now proving a lot
of these things, epigenetics, you know, is the, is the study that shows that the
things that happened to us, the decisions we make affect our DNA and the DNA that
we pass on to our children.
Right.
And so a lot of the things that the Bible talks about are now being proven out by
the people that were trying to disprove it.
In a sense, science is now starting to back up all of these kinds of things, you
know, and it's, um, you know, like they found interesting enough.
I don't know why I'm sharing this, but that people that seem to have, uh, that
things that happen to people in utero have a long time in effect in their life.
So people that, for instance, have had lots of rejection in their life, sometimes
they track it back to maybe they were an unwanted pregnancy or, you know, they were
unplanned and maybe their relationship with their parents are great now, but the
mother was terrified, you know, or they were going through a difficult, or it was
a traumatic, something happened in conception and these things affect that
child and then they carry it with them and the Lord can come and set
you free of all these things.
Does that help a little bit?
Yes.
Thank you.
Um, so I don't know, um, exactly, um, what it is that if any of these things, I
mean, one, I'll give you a chance in a moment to see if any of this, you know,
lands home with you.
Uh, and I don't want to go probing around inside of you.
Like, uh, like, you know, we're, we're like, you're a cadaver that we're
trying to do an autopsy on.
Um, but you know, if there's something that the Lord wants to touch, um, then
we'll go there and I did have one thing come to mind and I'm gonna shut up.
Okay.
For a second.
Okay.
Um, and, and you talked about, um, woundings and things from past
relationships, um, you mentioned past relationships, you mentioned your
husband, you mentioned different things, nothing, you didn't say anything bad
about your husband, things happen.
Okay.
Um, and one thing that, um, that I, you know, I was taught, but something
that I'm kind of thick headed, right?
So the Lord has to tell it to me in my own words.
And, um, there was a time I was sitting somewhere and I kept
hearing, uh, the term safe Harbor.
And, and I kept seeing this picture.
I'm a kind of a visual person of, of a Harbor, like a cove.
And I thought about it like, Oh yeah.
Like, like I love to go to the, I used to love going to the Caribbean, right.
And you had pirates and whatever, and they would all have these, they
would sail into these coves, these safe harbors to hide and to also
be not exposed to the elements.
And the Lord said to me, you know, Ed, what are you harboring?
And that Harbor was my heart.
What are you harboring it?
And now there was some discussions and this went on for a little while.
And then at some point there was a boat, there were other boats in this Harbor
and there was a boat and it had somebody's name written on it.
And I call these people.
Well, we'll just say, these are like what I call rubber band people, right?
They, these are the ones that you, you forgive over and over and
they just keep rubber banding back.
Like I thought I forgave them, but I just can't.
And why can't I?
Just, I just thought, right.
And there were all of these anchors, lots of anchors coming off of this boat.
And each anchor was something that this person had done to me.
And he said, Ed, forgiving this person without forgiving the things that
they've done to you is like telling this boat to sail out of the Harbor.
So whenever I've worked through, and I'm not, I'm not putting this on you.
Okay.
But when I've worked with people that have things harbored in their heart, like
that resentment, um, you know, some unforgiveness work that needs to be done.
Another level of it.
One of the things that I go to is that we go through an exercise and it's to forgive
specific things that that person has done, you know, and you just start, you
know, with this person and you go through and, you know, and it's like, you know,
Lord, I give you, you know, it's like, I give you, you know, my dad, you know,
I forgive my dad for what, well, and, and this is like, he's not here.
You're not going to offend the man, you know, for this thing, he said for this
thing, he did for this thing, he didn't do for this thing that he did to this
person, you know, and then you, and in, it's like, you're taking, I'll look at
people sometimes and I'll see rocks in their heart.
It's like, you're taking a rock out of your heart.
You're sticking your hand, Lord.
I give you, I do this.
I give you this.
I forgive this person for this, for this, for this, this one, for this, for this.
And then in the end, you make a cup with you kind of with your
hand and you fill this cup up.
And then in second, Peter says, we cast all of our cares and concerns upon the Lord.
And we offered them up to God, wipe those things away and
he takes those things away.
Right.
So whether that means that there's forgiveness work that needs to be done,
or it's just something that came up in my mind, I don't know.
So now I turn it over to you to see how you're doing and what you
think, what resonated with you?
A lot.
I mean, I guess most recently that I definitely have, I think I definitely
have forgiveness work to do.
I never thought about talking to God specifically about those things.
Um, yes.
And I think I've learned recently.
Um, it's like, I've seen change in a person, but it's like how the power of
my words, and if I, if I designate them to their old self instead of their new
self and I describe them that way, it's like, I have a part in allowing
that to come back to the surface.
And so I think a part of that is completely giving it to God and
forgiving those specific instances.
And then speaking the truth of who they are now and who, you
know, the new creation that they are.
Um, so I think that that definitely resonated with me because I definitely
with my husband, I have some stuff to do.
And I think I have this fear of like, okay, I can forgive him, but
oh, he's going to do it again type of thing.
So it's kind of like, you didn't really change, you know?
So it's like the rubber band, you keep snapping, forgive me, but you
snap, you snap and hurt me again, you know?
And so, um, I, I definitely think that's a part of that.
Um, with the invisibility piece that was huge at my last job, I felt like I was
invisible for probably like two years and I had a coworker who was like her and the
boss, they were chummy and, um, which I have no problem with, but I just felt
unheard and, um, and like my ideas didn't matter or they weren't valuable.
Um, and then like, I was, I told Ashley, I think once in a session we had was
you know, God set it all up though, where it was like, they both went out on
maternity leave and so I had to do both of their jobs and it was just like,
everybody, you know, the staff, they all liked me.
And, um, but you know, like the boss is like, I don't, I don't think she really
valued me when she came back and she was like, oh my God, no, I want to hear what
Tammy has to say.
She's been running the school, you know, I mean, you know, by herself.
And then my coworker was like, well, what, like the dynamics shifted and, you
know, and so, but that was a painful two years of just feeling like invisible,
you know, and I have apprehension about going back and working and having a boss
that has some of that same.
you know, because I didn't come into that space feeling like I
needed to like, oh, I need to show them like I just was like,
I kind of really had daughter type of like, you know, vibes
like, oh, yeah, you know, we're gonna do it. You know what I
mean? Like, yeah, we're we're a group of females. We went to
grad school together. Like we're not competing against one
another. Like we're just gonna you know, that's the space that
I came from. But that's not the space that I felt the other two
had. And so I felt like to be seen that I needed to like
assert myself, you know, but then in asserting myself, like
at a point, it just became where it's like, you're becoming who
they are, or who is the aspect of them that you don't want to
be, you know. And so it's like, this year has been good, because
I was able to like, see some of those things and reflect and all
of that, because I took a sabbatical, which is amazing.
Thank you, God. But now I'm going back. And so I was like, I
have to face all of those hurts and wounds. And even with my
coworker, or with my boss, I think there's forgiveness that I
need to do. Because God put my coworker on my heart the other
day. And I was like, I don't want to call her. I don't trust
her. Like, you know what I mean? Like, but then I saw like, it
was a couple different things that he was like, nudging my
heart. And then I saw her car. And it wasn't her, but it was
like the car that we used to park next to each other. And I
was like, okay, guys, I will reach out to her. And I did. And
she's going through a transition. And she was like,
girl, we're both believers. You know, it's crazy. It's like
brothers and sisters in Christ and having drama. And we've
resolved it. I told her my issues. But still, there's this
element of just like, I don't fully trust her. And so but
we're sisters in Christ. And I need to just like, let that go
and be able to like, fully, she's like, he probably just
wanted you to pray for me, girl, because XYZ is going on. And
she's transitioning. And so, um, I don't want to have
unforgiveness in my heart. And I want to be able to let that go
and close that season properly so that I can move fresh to the
next, you know? So, yeah, that's some of them. Yeah.
And, um, how's your relationship with your parents? How was your
childhood and stuff? Is it good?
Overall? Well, I think I had excellent parents. I'm so happy
that they raised me in the faith. Um, my mom, though, is
the harder of the two. Like, my mom was kind of like that, like,
nobody owes you anything. Like, if you want it, you need to go
get it. Like, she just raises me like strong women, which I'm
thankful of, like, I'm really thankful, because I know that
comes from the adversity that she had to face in order to
overcome, you know. Um, but she wasn't very like, she gave us
everything we need. She trained us and taught us. I know she
loves us so much, even to this day. Um, but she wasn't very
nurturing. Like, my mom wasn't very nurturing. Like, my dad has
more of a nurturing spirit than he, than she does. And anytime
that I've heard my mom cry is like, wailing to God, because,
you know, the marriage between her and my dad wasn't going
right. But I've never really seen her be vulnerable. Like,
she's this hard shell. And then my dad, he's more vulnerable,
but he's also very stubborn. Like, he has his principles and
the good principles, but he's kind of distant a little bit.
And he started a new family after they got divorced. So I
have two little sisters, like, my God, we just celebrated his
birthday. I can't forgot, I have to calculate how old, but he's
77. So I had two little sisters who are five and eight. And we
were like this, me and my mom and dad with this perfect little
Christian family or whatever. But there was infidelity going
on. And my mom, we didn't know this is young. She protected us.
You know, and she was a single parent, essentially, from third
grade, until my dad came back from working a recruiting type
of job. So he provided for us physically, I mean, financially,
but he wasn't present. And so even my sister and I, we both
have this is like, I know he was going through his own stuff with
the divorce and everything. And, but then when he got remarried,
and he has other family, it feels like we don't matter
anymore. Like we're not. So like, we took him out for his
birthday. And so we were like, it sounds cool, but it's not a
lot of I guess I won't share all the back story. But we were
like, Dad, we just wanted to be us two in you. So like, we did
Topgolf with just my sister and I, she's a year and a half
younger than me, and in him. And so it was good, because it's
like his attention is on raising this new, you know, the girls,
and he does a great job and, you know, and being a provider in
that way. Um, but I think we do have some wounds like that,
like, Dad, you forgot about us type of thing, you know, so
despite all of that, I have a really healthy, healthy
perspective of my Heavenly Father, because my dad really
was a good dad, like I could talk to him about things that I
couldn't talk to my mom about. So overall, I feel really
less, but like you said, you know, there's no perfect parents.
So, yeah.
So this is a, just a strange thing.
Like, was there anything going on between the ages of four and eight in your life?
Like, I don't know how old you are when you're in third grade, but
that's what my dad left to go recruiting.
And that's where you said anything I've seen four to eight.
Then I'm like, I'm used to seeing a single number, like what was going
on in your life when you were four?
But this was four to eight.
I felt like 48 years old.
There was this window.
What was going on during that time in your life?
I don't have lots of vivid memories from when I was really young.
Um, I know my dad got converted when I was really young.
So he told me a little bit of his conversion story and like, I think
probably I really started to know who God was probably like around four.
Like I do have a memory of like being in children's church at a Sunday school.
And I know I, my dad confirmed when this memory actually
happened as far as the location.
So I think I don't have any negative memories from there, but I do know.
In four to eight, we were like, I felt like we were a really good family,
like, you know, but at eight is when he left and he took this job recruiting for
the army and so he left and that's when my mom became like a single parent and
she would cry sometimes like I knew something wasn't right between them,
but I didn't know what it was.
Yeah.
And, um, yeah, she was always strong.
She always took care of us.
She, you know, we went to church, we had a good church family.
She was a really good mom.
So, yeah.
That's good.
But yeah, that's when really, I think the relationship between them became like that's
when the, the, it was the beginning of the end, I think from, from at least the kid
point of view from their marriage.
Yeah.
So what, how old were you when they divorced?
Like 32 or three.
Yeah.
So that was a long, that was a long, slow, slow death.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
Well, you know, uh, well, thank you for sharing that, you know,
obviously it's touched some things.
Um, you know, we get it however we get it and sometimes we don't, but the main
role of the mother is of course to protect and teach, but it's to nurture.
And the, the role of the father is to protect and, you know, everybody talks
about provision, but that's part of protection.
And is to affirm who you are, to call your life and call you to identity.
And, and like, like we said, like no one does all of these things perfectly, but
we're not, we're not stuck in that place, you know, and, uh, I, I don't know you,
but I would imagine that you're a pretty nurturing person.
So it doesn't seem to me like there's a deprivation of nurture in your life
that God's done a pretty good job of filling in that place in you.
So that, because, you know, it's like the trickle down effect, you know, it's
like what we got, you get what I didn't get, you don't get, because not because
I'm a terrible person, but I just don't have it to give, I don't have that
capacity, you know, and we can grow in it, but, you know, um, you know, if you
got, you know, I don't, you know, I, I remembered once, I don't know, I'm not
going to go down this rabbit trail, but I remember the Lord telling me once that
some of the greatest fathers that have ever lived are on the planet right now.
And some of them never had fathers themselves.
And that's because God himself was going to follow these men, you know, and it's
not just fathers, but in the same sense that's available to us, then I think
there's aspects of, of that aspect of God that, you know, because he himself
has been the one to do it for you just to kind of pick up the slack, so to
speak, if that makes any sense.
Yeah.
I mean, I guess we kind of do comparisons sometimes, which is not healthy.
Um, I don't know.
I love my sister.
She's like one of my best friends.
She's definitely like uber nurturer.
I'm like, yeah, my husband thinks I'm nurturing, but he doesn't need nurturing
in the traditional sense.
Like, he's just like, Tammy is just the sound of your voice and your presence.
since and I like, okay, that's great. But babe, I want to help.
Why don't you let me help? Let's grow this stuff together. And
so I guess there is an aspect of that. I think I'm kind of Yeah,
I'm a version of nurturing. Maybe. Yeah.
Yeah, you love spending time with children. You know, Sunday
school or you know, she, she was when she left, she was left her
job. She was an assistant principal. So she had to run the
school when her when her boss is out and all of that. So she
she loves kids and in a way that I just don't have that thing
hard. I'm gonna love my kids whenever they come. But it's,
you know, I just don't just don't have it's just, I don't
know, there's just, I always consider it as something very
special that someone has, when they have a heart for for
children, because they take a lot of patience, because they're
so very different than us in the way that we think as adults. And
so that takes, especially if children respond, it means that
there's a lot that there's a great nurturing spirit. And so
you found people to pour it out on, you know,
and I guess thing is that praying for capacity is a real
thing that God will answer. Yeah. So if you're if you're
going, well, you know, I don't know, you know, you just ask him
for it, and he can give it to you. So I'm not sure where to go
from here. I don't know how long are we supposed to be on
this call? Oh, we've got another 15 minutes. Okay. So I can
either give you some homework of things to do with the Lord, or
we work through some of this kind of together, we probably
won't be able to do all of it. So I can, I can walk you through
an exercise of like, a healing of memory, if you'd like, or,
and then let you kind of work through some of the forgiveness
stuff, your own or later with Ashley, or, or we can start kind
of, you know, I know it's a big tree, but we can take a hatchet
to it and start working at some of that. What what sounds good
to you?
Okay, I kind of just said the first one, but the second with
with the tree analogy, I don't know.
I'm just saying, it sounds like sometimes when you open up that
whole thing of forgiveness, right? And you're going to kind
of just go, like, okay, we're gonna start with, you know, one
person and then like, what about your sister? You know, what
about your mom? What? And it can just start to span across,
right? And so the point is, we, we may not be able to, I'll
call that the tree, like forgiveness tree, right? We'll
call it, we may not be able to chop it all down, right? We may
not be able to get through all of it, like say, in 15 minutes,
and I don't want to leave you hanging. But we can begin it.
And, and then these are things you can continue to work through,
you know, later on.
Probably the first with a healing exercises, working that
with that looks like with God, because then I can continue to
do that on my own as well. He's going to do the work anyway.
Yep. Okay. And so a lot of times, I'm going to have to, I
like to sit up, right? So sorry, I'm actually, she'll, she'll get
more of your beautiful face later. So I just kind of like
the way I kind of, I kind of roll here. So. So a lot of times,
like I'll have people know what it is that they need, right? Or
I'll have a sense, you know, like, I don't know. And it's
very easy to think of this, like, I was in a terrible car
accident. And, you know, somebody died or something, you
know, like that, and we can go into that. And unless you have
something, what I'll do, often, even in groups of people, is
I'll, I'll pray, and I'll ask the Lord to bring a memory up to
you. Okay? And don't, don't search, don't worry about it.
You know, there's no pressure, you know, and but if something
comes up, don't push it out. Okay? Don't just like, oh,
that's just, you know, me. And, and it doesn't have to be like,
well, then don't judge yourself like, well, that's not a big
deal. Like, whatever. This isn't you. This is the Holy Spirit
bringing something that's up on his heart, on his mind for you.
Right? And, and this is, this is not heavy lifting. Okay? It's
very simple. Right? And then, and then, to your point
afterwards, when these things, because a lot of us when painful
things come to mind, we just, our way of dealing with it is we
just push it aside. We don't give it a thought.
But with this, it gives you a tool, I don't like that term really, but it gives you an avenue relationally with God.
That's why I don't like it to say like a tool, because then it's just like a pen.
This is a relationship with you and the Lord.
When things like that come up, instead of pushing them aside, you invite them in.
You just invite them into that space with you.
You know, where were you, Lord? Where were you, God?
You know, not like, why didn't you do something?
You know, like, where were you? Why didn't you come over?
You know, like you knew that was happening.
Why didn't you come over here and do, you know, it's more like you just invite him in.
And see what he has to say, see what he's doing.
And he's there at work, bringing healing into that space and he reclaims it and the wound, the wound is there.
You know, in the priesthood, if you had, you couldn't go into the temple if you had open wounds, right?
So it's the open wounds.
It's the things that won't heal that God's after to one to bring healing to so that, you know, like the enemy can't just poke at him all the time.
Does that make sense?
Yes, totally.
Okay.
So unless something's already come to your mind, I'm going to pray.
Okay.
And we're going to ask him to bring something to your mind.
Okay.
And then we're just going to go and we're going to, we're just going to see what he wants to do.
Okay.
All right.
So Lord, I thank you for my beautiful sister.
Like Holy Spirit, I ask right now that you would come into the room right there where she is.
The Lord, we just cut away all the distracting voices, all of the things that would be competing for her time.
And Lord, I don't know what it is that she needs, but you do.
So what I ask that if there's something that you want to bring healing to, something from her past, something in her mind that you would bring it to her mind right now.
You got something.
Um,
you're safe.
Okay, you're safe.
No one ever is going to hear about whatever it is you talk about.
You're completely safe.
Okay.
It's just, um,
I guess the argument that just kind of went out of control between my husband and I.
It's just to the point where it's like, I wasn't even like, he just kept talking at me and talking at me.
He's like, hours, it felt like and I wasn't allowed to like actually leave the premises.
And
I just felt like,
I don't know.
Things like what you said about boundaries, it's just like I've allowed so many boundaries to be broken and healthy boundaries to be broken, and that is just like one of the really vivid ones where I'm just like, I can't believe this happened to me type of thing, you know.
Yeah.
It's just like, you know, I told him I'm like, you know, this is like recently, this is supposed to be say you love me but I'm like I've never allowed anyone to treat me in some of the ways that you treated me and we decide like we want to stay together and I've seen a healthier version of him but I just want, I need it to stick.
I need it.
Like,
I told him sometimes it's like Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde, behavior, the ups and the downs, and I like need God to do a work, a permanent work in his heart.
So that we can be who God wants me to be, and we can be in a healthy marriage consistently and not the ups and the downs, the triggers.
Yeah.
Well, there's probably some forgiveness that needs to happen in that place and, and that is, as you probably have heard this about 1000 times that's not letting someone in.
off the hook. That's not conditioned. The forgiveness isn't for him. Forgiveness is
for you. It's for you. Not for him. It's like somebody defined
like kind of like unforgiving it like drinking poison hoping the other person
is gonna die. Or that if we forgive then we're gonna we're gonna like
turning over all of our ammunition you know. And it's really not forgiveness in
a way it might affect him but it has nothing to do with your husband. It has to
do with you. Has to do with your heart your own freedom. And so you're not
carrying any more stuff and to lighten your load. And I think there's like
sometimes I can see it on you now like I'll look at people and I'll see a
backpack full of rocks. They're just things that person's unnecessarily
carry. Sometimes it's false responsibility. Sometimes it's it's they
just beat themselves up or things that they haven't mistakes they've made they
haven't been let allowed to let go of. And similar to kind of that forgiveness
exercise. God wants to lighten your load and to take these things off of your
shoulders so you're not carrying it more. Okay and so I'm not preaching at you.
I'm just I just feel like these is this is the place where God is dwelling in
your life waiting. Not for you to do stuff. This isn't you fixing you. Okay.
This is not you fixing you. This isn't a self-help. This is God waiting quietly to
spend time with you to deal with these things. To touch these things in your
heart for this things to change. Not change people. This is you we're talking
about. Yeah. Right. That makes sense. So but to stay on track what we started.
Thank you for sharing that. I really appreciate it. Okay. So I just ask you to
close your eyes. Okay. So Father I just thank you for Tammy Lord and and all
that she shared. And this memory that you brought that you brought up before her.
So Lord Jesus we invite you into this memory. And I ask you to show her where
you were. To show her and tell her anything that she needs to hear from you.
And we invite you to come and reclaim this place.
Thank you Jesus.
Thank you Lord.
Did he show up? Would you like to share? I felt like he said like he was there with me.
And I don't know I just he was there with me and part of me feels like I just
didn't I didn't I didn't I wasn't attuned to him. And I guess recently I went
through something not as dramatic as that but a little bit. And he is just
like his spirit just placed the song into my heart. Firm foundation like he
won't fail. And he just it was just playing in my ears the whole time like
during that episode. And it was just his constant reminder that he was with me
even during the storm. So yeah promise that you know that he will overcome the
world. So I just know that I'm starting to understand how he walks with us
through the storms and through the pain. And it protects us just refocuses on who
he is in that. And sure enough though like in the recent ones like he he
turned it around super fast you know. He turned it around super fast and that
was a change of heart.
Yeah, so he was with me.
Well, so, you know, sometimes it's like that.
A song will come.
But for some people, it's like, you know, he'll show up and he'll stand between them and the person that hurt them.
He'll cover their ears.
He'll tell you what he sees.
You know, because it's a bit of a violation is the word that I was hearing of what you're describing.
You know, and it's not to talk ill of anyone, you know, your husband or whatever, but it's a, it's like you were violated in a sense, you know, it's kind of a violent word to say, but it was like a violation.
And so, whether your visual or he speaks to you. I know very strange thing like not knowing your background to be like well where's the Lord like you know like well I don't know I've never seen him before.
But I'm telling you that if you give him the opportunity.
He will come into these places.
He'll walk in it's like he were here in this moment, the only time we can encounter the Lord is in the moment we're in.
But he's outside of space and time, he can go back in time into that place and heal that memory, just like if you just want to mentally picture it that way like we're in this timetable now, but he's outside of space and time.
And so he can go into the memory, and that time and bring healing into that space for you.
And this is something that you can do with people but you can do it on your own.
I have a feeling that there's gonna be a lot of heart surgery that God's gonna be doing in a good way. Okay, not the time that everybody's like, Oh, Lord's been dealing with me.
It's been I cried for two hours the other day like he's been convicted me of all the things I ever did.
He's really going to be doing a lot of heart stuff in you, for you to hit a new place a new level of peace and a new level of, of kind of like, I don't know the word maybe serenity, but where it's kind of like the things around you don't affect you the way
that they did in. And, you know, I'm going to pray for you in a second but
I encourage you to do the, the, the healing work and, and all of that, and I just had a man I just had a thing Oh, they're a principle that I talked to people about when you've been in times of change, and in, and especially if there's like dramatic
change. And, and I, the first time I heard this was a was a guy that I doubt he's a Christian. All right, he had a Christian upbringing but had a lot of other stuff going on in his life and.
But I remembered he had a, it was like a guru or something. And he said, and he said, you know, son if you ever want to find out if you've mastered your life, meaning like you've come to this concept of who you are, and you will find out you've mastered
life, go home and spend two weeks with your parents.
Because there's no two people, the longer the people have a preconceived idea of who you are.
The more you're fighting against that that that's to get that tractor pull the pull you back into the trench, who you are in biblically speaking, Lord said you know well, a prophet is not without honor, except that at home with his family, his hometown.
You know, the God, God in the flesh. Yeah, you know, when they were in here they were like wait a minute and that Joseph son, then that that carpenters kid, like who does he think he is and he can only like, like two people of some of some sicknesses.
So the, the point is, as you go through these things, and you're around your familiar places, and you're familiar people.
My word for you, I've never put it this way and do not use them as your barometer for change.
That's good.
I've never used it that term in that way, but don't look to them as your barometer for your change.
And their preconception of you is their problem.
And that doesn't reflect upon the, the grassroot in depth change that will come fruit, even non believers if they don't even have the words believe in fruit and fruit takes time, and it lasts.
And people will see it. Right. But you can't hold them responsible for their, you know, for their, their broken spectacle.
And you, you really can't use in this season them as a barometer for where you're at.
Okay.
Right, because you're more than you perceive that yourself are that you are.
That makes sense. Yes, it does.
Right. So, before we do any praying stuff do you have anything you want to add Ashley.
The only thing I can think of is just wanted to clarify that, so that you can hopefully understand something that took me a while to understand is when God goes back and we talked about like going back and healing our memories.
It's not, it's not changing the fact that it happened in denying that it happened, because sometimes we can think well yeah but it still happened.
And you have it is still there and we're and we don't know how to kind of reconcile healing with the fact that it happened like yeah but that still hurt and that was injustice was done done to me etc so you've probably gotten this but I did not.
Until, until, I don't know I think somebody explained to me will know if that God removes all the sting out of it.
The negativity that was created and the damage that was created in your life from that point to this point gets healed, it gets redeemed, and it's as if it never happened as in like God will take all things and work them out for good to those who love him.
So you get all of the benefit of the healing and the redemption, without something that's happened that God has healed, which you remember is stronger after it's healed than it was before it ever was broken.
You get all the benefit without any of the negativity so I just wanted to explain so that you're not looking for or struggling to reconcile the fact like okay yeah but God it still happened and what's going to be removed is this thing, and all of the negative
effects. So yeah, that's good. Thank you. I appreciate that.
You have anything else that you want to.
Do you have more on the whole mover shaker part.
No, I just was sitting as you were talking when you first came on I just wrote it down, and the thing is like,
I'm not gonna as a friend of mine would say, I'm not going to claim this is a word for Lord but it's stronger than an opinion
that I wouldn't be surprised if your, your, your paths, and we'll start them out for career.
As an example, aren't may may take you in directions that you don't expect, and I feel like there's going to be some suddenly coming forth in your life.
And everybody likes the thought of suddenly.
But the joke is like nobody ever talks about, you know, everything that happened leading up to the suddenness.
So you, the sudden is that are coming have had their long time coming, you know they've there's a whole process you've been through in it. And I think they're going to take you in some directions that you don't expect.
So I think that you're a mover and a shaker. And I think that that is who you are and it's like, it's almost like wouldn't surprise me if you had a Gideon moment.
You know, Gideon, you know, it's going to be called to be a judge.
And he's like, I am Gabriel I stand before the throne of the Lord, and, and, and he gives still three fleeces and stuff and I had a man that I, I traveled with and.
And he was my boss for a little while, and, and he believed that there was an angel, there's Gideon's angel, he would say, and I feel like, and he would tell us that whole thing and say I feel like Gideon's angels there is here.
And he's wanting to for people to start to come into alignment with how they're seen in heaven. And that was the introduction, you know, in a way of how heavens perspective on us, and our earthly perspective are vastly different and we need to get on board with
And it's almost like Graham cook I would almost say, in a way, we're known in heaven. Some of us even have different names in heaven that we do here on earth.
We're known in heaven a particular way. And I feel like there is a part of that shroud is also even for yourself to see yourself in a way in which God sees you the day not align with your vocation or how you're seen by other people, including yourself, and that you're more
of a mover and a shaker than you imagine that you are. And I think that means that there's movement
coming and that you have, you know, the power to shift environments and have a high impact,
that you're, you know, there's the, they say we're not supposed to be thermostats.
No, we're not supposed to be thermometers, we're supposed to be thermostats,
that we set the temperature of things. But I believe that the main part of that that I
underlined was the shaking part, that before the moving, there's a lot of shaking. And
so when a plane is going and approaching a sound barrier, it starts vibrating terribly,
shaking, they thought it was going to come apart. But as soon as the sound barrier breaks,
it gets to be smooth as glass. And I feel that there's probably been a good amount of shaking
that's going on in your life. And I feel that that shaking is leading forward to the breakthrough.
My last name is Perez, well hers now also. Perez means breakthrough. You know, so God put
breakthrough in my name, right? When Perez was born in the Bible, you probably know the story,
Tamar, and you know, there were twins. And one sticks a leg out, they tie a red string around it,
goes back out and the other one comes out first. And they say, look, he made a breach for himself.
He made a way, he made him springing forth, breakthrough, you know, and so I feel there's
some breakthrough and movement coming into your life. And that some of the shaking that's going
on is the preparatory work leading up into that breakthrough.
That's so good. Oh my gosh, yes, this has definitely been a season. That just confirms
another word that I that I received some time ago. That's good. Thank you so much. And I'm
so glad I asked. Thank you.
Cool, cool. Anything else, sweetheart, or?
I don't think so. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if there's anything else that I
Anything else, sweetheart, or?
I don't think so. And I've got to jump on and on it on a teaching guest teaching in about five
minutes.
Oh, okay. Well, I want to pray quickly, then. So, Lord, we thank you for all that you've done.
And I pray, Lord, you would bring give grace. And I pray for a quickening spirit for things.
And, you know, to be done in short time, that three months worth of growth in a month,
that five years, that a years, five years growth in a year, you know, a day would be a week,
that Lord that you would, and that you would bring great healing into her heart. I pray for
capacity for her Lord, for any place that she's needed it that you would pour into every place
that she was supposed to receive things that she didn't. And that you would give her grace,
great grace, God, to walk through this next season, and into the place of healing with you.
And I pray, Lord, that you would help her know the exact place, physically speaking,
where at any day you're waiting for her to be able to spend time with her for these things to
manifest. And I pray for a greater sensitivity on her part to be able to know and recognize
your presence in the natural and Lord to be more attuned to your voice. And we bless you in Jesus
name. Amen.
Thank you. I appreciate you guys so much.
You're welcome. It was good to spend time with you. And we, I will see you Sunday. Was it three
o'clock that you had picked the time? Or was it a different time?
I think it was Saturday. Sorry. Sorry.
At 1111 am.
Oh, really? Okay, man, I don't know how his way off. Okay, so Saturday at 11. All right.
But if you see something different than I do, I think that's what I will. But
I'm sure you're right. I think that zoom just messed it up when I moved it over.
Because I grabbed the Saturday time moves that over. And so I'm going to go and recreate one
for Saturday. So I did that so that you'd always that you'd already have the zoom link.
Oh, my God. Appreciate that. Yes. I didn't think about that at all. So but you know,
your stuff. Yeah, I'll put your news team zoom link for Saturday at 11.
Okay, sounds good. Thank you, guys.