I'm going to go ahead and turn it off.
Hey, how are you?
Good. How are you?
I'm doing good.
Have you been resting?
I'm doing great.
Actually, you would not. It's a funny,
funny that you asked that because I went to a conference the past.
Or for three days. I was going to say the past three days.
I didn't have what they have it yesterday.
But Thursday through Saturday, I was at all day.
Conference all day.
And it's about 45 minute drive one way.
And I was going to be at the conference.
And I was at the conference.
And when the, when the, the, the, the, the,
the event that the conference ran, I was, I was getting us.
You know, as early as like say six o'clock.
And leave and getting to bed.
Or I should say sometimes getting back to my house.
At midnight.
And then starting the next day.
And I was like, I don't know.
I don't know.
Day session nine session.
They can be very.
And then the fellowship,
have you ever had fellowship and gone to dinner?
Yes.
It was constant.
And so, and it was great. It was really good.
It's just that it was very long.
And to my point.
I.
On Sunday.
I slept.
Until five.
PM.
Yeah.
I mean, in the end.
I went to bed around midnight.
And then slept until.
When did I sleep until.
Oh, I think 11.
I think it was 11 PM.
Yeah.
So I thought, my goodness, if I get up at 5 PM,
am I even going to be able to sleep?
Oh, no, I did.
11.
I was exhausted apparently.
And I knew that from the very first day, actually,
the very first day I drove home and I was like,
I've got two more days of this.
I don't know that I can do it.
I feel like I'm on day three.
Yeah.
It was, it was good.
And it was, it was very well done.
And so they jam packed value.
I was just so tired.
So, but, you know, part of that is because, you know,
it's not that you're doing a lot, but you're sitting there,
you're trying to absorb.
You're trying to learn new information. There's a lot going on.
There's.
Yeah.
Sorry, I need to turn my phone off.
And there was various.
You know, lots of people there.
I really didn't even know very many people. I only knew a few.
And then I was meeting a couple of people.
And of those people that I knew, I met.
Wait a minute.
I don't know. I think I'm probably met.
Two of them.
It's hard to put a heart out something,
but friends that I just never met in person.
So my point is I really didn't need a lot of people.
And I did that on purpose.
It was like,
I was so overloaded with having moved and everything being new.
And you're bringing.
I'm like,
You know,
I was like,
I'm going to go downstairs and sit in the bar.
For a little bit.
And then a couple of my friends ended up coming down so that my husband
said that they could meet my husband.
My husband came in.
So that, so that they, we could all visit and everything.
So anyway, point is.
No, I have not been.
But I'm trying to catch up.
I tried to get, you know,
Moving is so tiring.
From, and then long, I mean,
Moving in the same city.
Is exhausting, but long distance.
Yeah.
I mean, it's just, it's like, I mean, it's tiring.
It's.
Not only physically, but emotionally, I think.
Yeah.
Emotionally.
Especially if you're going to you're leaving someplace to go to a
someplace else.
I mean, it's just.
Yeah.
All levels of exhausting.
Yeah.
I don't like to move. I don't have to move. I'm not moving.
Yeah, yeah, my husband was saying when we moved, he's like, Ashley, moving is like one of my top
most hated things that it was like, I'm sorry. I think all men, I think all men,
cause they already know that they're going to do a lot of the work.
They're going to do all the heavy lifting. I can't blame them at all. I wouldn't look
forward to it either. And you know, people use men so often when they're moving because
things are heavy and they can't, they can't do it. So anyway, but yeah. So how are you doing?
Good, good, good. Just doing good. I was it's spring break here.
Yeah.
So and I'm thinking to me, it doesn't seem like spring break.
It just seems so quick. I mean, I'm thinking, I can't believe we're in spring break.
Um, yeah. So, um, uh, a lot of things are not like I have my month, a Monday meeting
and they canceled it because of spring break and just several things that,
because of spring break. So that's kind of interesting.
Yeah. Oh, that's good. Good. Great.
Well, do you have anything that, um, was kind of on your mind that you wanted to kind of like
go over it's our last transformation session. Oh, but before I forget though,
you remember you've got a personal ministry session. So something very, very, very exciting
about that. And so it's a bit of a different, you and I still meet, meet together, you know,
like we do on the transformation session, but the, but the focus is different. So this is just kind
of like, you know, questions about like how to shift into rest and different areas of your life.
And then personal ministry is actually kind of like walking through, um, I don't know,
just areas that, um, maybe someone is, is, um, you know, hurting in or, you know,
confused in. And a lot of times people, you know, it just depends on what comes up,
whether it's like something recent or if it's something like way, way, way back.
And I'm very exciting. I'm so excited. My husband offered to, um, do the personal ministry
sessions with me. He did last time, but with the move and everything, we weren't sure if he was
going to be able to do them because those are more his wheelhouse than mine. So his background
in ministry for years, it's been, um, like, I don't even know how many years, um, is, uh,
is like inner healing and, uh, and deliverance and stuff like that. And so last rest intensive,
he did the personal ministry sessions with me and people loved it. That was their first time
getting to meet him and interact with them. And, um, and just because he's just very, very good at
what he does. So, um, so anyway, so I just wanted to, um, let you know that he has, um, offered to
do them, um, with me. So I'll, I'll, we'll, both of us will be on the call. So both he and I will
be on the call, but he'll be joining us and, and I can guarantee you you'll want, you'll love it.
So guarantee. Yeah, it's very easy. It's very gentle. It's all about you and just kind of like,
Hey, what's going on and whatever. And, um, anyway, so, and then we just kind of like,
listen to a Holy spirit sleeting. He's also very prophetic. So it just kind of, he basically just
takes the, um, what we did last time is he just kind of, you know, would ask the Lord beforehand,
Lord, what do you have? Um, who is this person? What do you have for this person? Um, and so,
and because he's very prophetic, sometimes he gets stuck about the person, um, meaning like,
like stuff, like maybe that's, that's hurting or that's, um, or sometimes it's about what it is
they're currently going through or how they're currently feeling or every now and then it's
stuff about like what he can see about in, you know, in the future and, and whatever. So he,
he just kind of like allows it to just be the Holy spirit to just guide him as to what needs
to be addressed. And it depends on the person as to what comes up and all of that. So anyway,
I just wanted to let you know, um, and yeah, and so you'll, you'll really like the time with him.
Yeah. Um, yeah, I was going to kind of bounce something off of you. Um, um, I don't know,
I'm, I'm kind of a dreamer. Like I've always been a dreamer and I don't know if maybe that's
one way because God could speak to me that way when I'm asleep or just because I've always been
a dreamer since I was young. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I remember a lot of times things didn't happen
unless I dreamt them. Like for example, my dad's death, the big things like I would dream him and
it would happen. Yeah. Things like that. And well, um, this particular thing,
Um, right after my divorce, I would say, Oh, I started getting
words and dreams. Uh, some of the words I was getting from
other people, like ministry, right? Go places. And then some
of the words were like, you know, God's God really wants to
bless you. Like, you know, uh, he's going to send somebody in
your future. And these were already dreams that I was having
too. And I think, I believe the reason God did that back while
he was doing that is because he already knew the way I mentally
was. I'm an overthinker. And I was already right after the
divorce, I was already saying, Oh no, I've been there. I've
done that. I've got married 20 some odd years. Like my mind was
like, I'm not going to remarry, you know, you know, at that
point, you know, and he probably said, I'm going to have to tell
her something because if not, the way she thinks she's going
to, you know, like, like, she's going to settle herself in
there. And then I'm gonna have to get her out of that one, you
know, everything else that right. So that is why. And then
so I started having dreams shortly after, and then a long
time passed, and I didn't have any dreams. So I'm thinking I'm
like, about that particular thing. And then I'm thinking,
Oh, okay. You know, I'm thinking, No, no, that's, that's
great. I know God doesn't change his mind. But in my mind, I'm
thinking, you know, yes, you know, because it was kind of not
stressful, but I just felt like, because I wasn't ready at
that time. Of course, now. Yeah, I was the Lord still healing me
dealing with everything. So but yet he's telling me. And I even
I think I at one point, I even told God, I said, Well, you
know, God, and you're not going to do anything like with me,
like I'm thinking, you know, here I am trying to do things
like, not, not, not romantically, I'm thinking with
me, like, like, if you're not going to, just tell me, you
know, the way, you know, and then in and thinking it, not
saying it, just thinking that, and he answered me. And he said,
No, you know, I am. You're like an onion, and I'm peeling off
the layers, you know. So in other words, it's a process, you
know, you go, you have to submit, surrender, whatever, and
to the process that and that's what I've been in, right. But
along the way, then I started having dreams again. Last year,
last year, I think I took a big break. And then I started having
dreams again. But they were very specific. It was a man. It was a
certain man in the dream. Okay. And at first, it was like a lot
of vagueness, I couldn't really see. And with my God dreams, I
they're very vivid, you know, if you have dreams, but they're,
you know, very vivid, like colorful. And then some of the
dark dreams that I've had. They're just that dark, I could
just tell you right away in my dream that it's a God dream. And
a very clear, like you're looking in HD, kind of like,
you know, and, and, and, I mean, they're so detailed, that
nowhere in my human mind, could you put I even think things up
like that, right? Yeah, right. So this sudden, this was last
year, and then still, I didn't really know how to handle these
dreams. I've never had them like that. I, I've never understood
that. Because the first time I got married, I was 22. Very
I didn't know nothing. And my husband, he was six years older
than me. Very experienced, very, he had already, he had a son, he
had been divorced. And he, and then, and so I didn't know
nothing, you know, and here to get married. And then years
later, I find out there's all these issues, you know, which I
had, you know, I don't know, I was never told anything or taught
anything in the church or anything about, you know, I just
heard to be a Proverbs 31 wife. That's about all that I heard
about being a wife, but nothing about the man. So I had no idea.
Anyway. Fast forward, and then with these dreams that are very
clear, with a certain man that I know, I know him.
I don't know him. I mean, not we don't have like a close relationship, but I know him.
And and so I'm thinking, God, why are you giving me these dreams?
Because you already know me. Like I get anxious.
Like I'm like, you know, I get nervous.
Like I get like, you know, for some reason, he saw fit to give me these dreams.
Right. He said, going to give it to her probably because if I don't give her something, you know, I don't know what I'm thinking.
But but anyway, so so then the very last dream that I've had.
It about this man would have been maybe two months ago, last month, a month or two months, and the dream was a material presence.
So I'm oh, and I need to tell you this because I had I I had endometriosis.
So I had two surgeries where they took two tumors off to fibroid tumors.
You know, yeah, they're not cancerous. They're benign, but just so this was before I had my son.
And so anyway, for a long time, my stomach was kind of big.
And I remember the OBGYN, he said, you know, the reason it's like that, he said, it's it's because your uterus thinks you have a baby in there.
And the tumor was like a size of a grapefruit and it's thinking it's a baby.
So the uterus is automatically he says, it's like you're five months pregnant.
And so he said, eventually, you're going to have to have a hysterectomy, which I already had.
But he said, because, you know, they keep growing and I I had all kinds of prayer and everything about it and everything.
But anyway, eventually I got the hysterectomy.
I had my stomach. Then after it, I had my hysterectomy and then my stomach.
Well, because it was I had it removed, it was like a little bit like loose skin.
Right. And it's to me, it's a very I haven't said it, but inside I was like, like, how can I get rid of it?
Like I thought it and I even thought maybe having like a surgery because they have that surgery that's called.
Like a mommy, something I don't remember what they call it, but where they.
Yeah, a mommy tuck, right?
Yeah, something like that. Yeah.
You had. So then and I'm thinking that, yeah, I can't afford that, you know, but but I want it, of course.
And then so then I get two dreams.
This is going to freak me out. One dream.
I'm walking around. Right. And I have no clothes on. Right.
So I'm walking it up. And in the dream, I'm walking around.
And I'm so confident, which I've never been confident like that in my life.
Not even with clothes on. I'm walking around naked and there's people around.
Right. But it's like I don't know that I'm it's like I'm not naked.
Right. Yeah. I'm walking around and then.
What I notice when I'm looking, I look at myself and I'm like, oh, my stomach is flat.
And I can't stop staring at my stomach because I'm like, that's not how it really is.
I'm thinking to myself in my dream, I'm thinking, wow, my stomach.
And then so I'm walking around and then after a while, like in the dream, I find me like towards the end.
Like I start like, oh, my God, like, you know, try wanting to cover myself.
That was towards the end. But so then I have this other dream.
And so in this dream is where this this man is.
So in the dream, it's me and this man and we're staring at each other like in the dream.
It's kind of like we're looking at each other.
Then all of a sudden it goes into like we're both looking in.
We're both looking like that.
And these two big white doors, they open up.
And then a woman, which the first thing that I look at, I don't know who it is, I don't know if it's me,
but when I look at it goes to her stomach and her stomach is completely flat.
And I'm like, I can't be weak to myself in my dream.
So the doors open and I walk in, I'm thinking it's me.
I walk in and there's people in there and they start hugging me.
And, you know, so I walk in those doors and then.
I know that he is there, like in behind, behind there in my pocket.
Well, okay. So, last week, my cousin's wife, she works for a plastic surgeon.
She works for a plastic surgeon.
And I follow her on Facebook, and also follow her plastic surgeon. She's always putting videos and things on there, things like before and after.
I find it fascinating, you know, and she put a thing on, and she said, who's ever is interested.
My doctor is doing a study.
And it's fully paid tummy tuck
worth $15,000.
If you're interested, message me.
And I'm like, what is this for real like what is it she goes, she said they're paying him to do this study and blah blah blah. And he's like he's been doing it forever she says she loves her doctor she said he's got good bedside manner.
He's just professional she loves him right she's.
So I said is it for real she was yes you know, you know, I'll give you the number and you can make the appointment so I called, and she asked me the question was yeah, you qualify.
She said so she set up the appointment for next month. Yeah, for April.
For
like, I mean, I mean it sounds vain.
Oh, excited for you.
But if you have a part of you that you're so self conscious about.
God knows just how.
It's a good.
I can't believe that this is, you know, really.
And then my I told my niece she's young she's younger. She goes.
I've never heard that I've never heard them doing that kind of study. She was I've heard them doing all the she works that hospital.
And my sister's a nurse.
I've never heard, you know, they've heard a lot of all kinds of studies, but like we've never heard like a plastic surgeon study. She goes like that like a to me text goes, oh my god.
And then when I asked that the girl goes, we're getting so many calls we were really having to, to like turn people away. And it was weird that on Facebook when she put it.
I was on on there when she put it. I exactly. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, so you could get it first. Wow. That is incredible.
I am so ridiculously excited.
Abundance. Yeah.
And, you know, well, you know, God, even though I didn't vocalize it I never asked you for it. It's like you knew that I, and the fact that I got these two dreams, and in there, like, I have some and I, and she had a tummy tuck my, my wife's my cousin's
wife has three, three kids.
And she showed me her stuff.
Like, like, like, like, like, like, how do you say a washboard like, I mean just like, Oh yeah, yes.
Oh, what a gift.
Yeah. Oh, that's wonderful. A dream manifested.
But, I mean, just that quick I mean it was just amazing. Well, anyway, that's, that's a desire in my heart even though it's like something in the natural, I mean something.
But what I was going to ask you about the dreams is, is there something like when you have kind of prophetic dreams like that, is there something that you should be doing.
Like, of course I prayed and asked the Holy Spirit like to show me, you know, give me insight or there's anything that I need to do or what but is there like anything that I should be doing with something like that.
Well, so any dreams away are you talking in general or are you talking specifically about the fact that God's give me a dream about this man.
I mean, but I'm trying to ask like which one should I be directing me. Yeah, well both because I'm, like I said, I've never heard of this and I've asked some people and they looked at me like, you're crazy.
And I.
And so, but then again it's not. This is my second marriage, and
really do believe that, you know, I had told God when he gave me those words, that he get
that I started getting those words, I said, you know, I don't want to, you know, I don't
really want to remarry. But if you want me to, like if this is somebody that you've chosen,
then I trust you, you know, because I wouldn't trust myself again, you know. Yeah. But so
I don't understand it. Honestly, I don't. Because you talk to some people and they don't
believe they believe no, that's, that's, that's just you. That's not God. Like that's,
that's, that's in the flesh or whatever. And then some other people, they, they say, oh,
no, you know, God does do that, you know, so. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah. I mean,
my goodness. It's I mean, how could we, how could we deny it when Daniel Wiggett dreams
or maybe he, maybe what is recorded is his visions. I don't remember. But anyway, there's
Joseph had dreams, you know, Jacob had dreams, you know, people. And then it said that God
spoke to them through dreams that they would see into the spirit realm through dreams.
And so no, I mean, my goodness, God has, has just proven, even through the Bible, and let
alone today, that all that he, that's one of the ways in which he talks to us. So one
of the things that I think of is think of is really important is if you're already,
so a lot of people come to me about the fact that they want to dream and don't. And so
what I tell them is, you know, it's important that whatever dream that you get, when you
wake up, whatever you remember about that dream, and it can be the tiniest little detail,
it could be the fact that you saw, you know, a bluebird, write that down. Because what
it's doing is it's honoring the fact that God has given you something and you were trying
to, and you were acknowledging and appreciative of what it is you've received, you don't understand
it or whatever. But it's, it's, it's letting the Lord know through setting your intention,
in other words, your free will decision that I would like to receive more, I'd like to,
you know, steward this, so to speak. In other words, acknowledge it, honor it, treat it
appropriately, etc. And I would like more of it. So that's to get more dreams. And who
knows, maybe that would help you get more specific dreams, or maybe God would begin
to reveal more about what those things mean. But as far as like, when he's given you stuff,
like what to do with it, it's important that we always agree with it. And we don't even
have to know what it is that we're agreeing with. But we have to, the agreement is the
fact that God has given you something about some aspect about himself, he's, he's entrusting
you with information, he's entrusting you with the future, he's entrusting you with possibility,
he's entrusting you with knowledge, so to speak. And, and so we want in so agreeing with it
is receiving it is saying, Lord, you know, I fully receive what it is that you have given me of
yourself. Again, you know, as I keep saying, and I and I appreciate it, and I honor it,
and I treat it appropriately, I value it, it's, and I'm, I am marking that it is significant.
I am marking with myself, with the fact that I'm treating this with as as significant,
I am marking this as as something that matters, and it's valuable. But it doesn't mean that again,
it's doing it because of who it came from, not because you understand it. Because a lot of times
you're going to have stuff and as I'm sure that you have, that you don't understand, you know,
it's a God dream, but you're like, I don't understand this, you know, so understanding
isn't part of whether or not you agree with it. We agree with it, because God sent it and gave
it to us. And so we're like, but we don't have to understand it, we don't have to even know
what it is that we're agreeing with. But we're receiving and at the aspect of God that he is
giving to us, he's entrusting us with that we get to receive into ourselves, you know,
and all of that, meaning that we then get to whatever it is we receive the Lord, we get to
participate in, we get to, you know, co create with him, we get and, and I don't know, I can't
think of a better word than participate with him. So that is important. It's important to just to
value and to treasure it and whatever. And then you can obviously ask the Lord for understanding,
ask for wisdom, and then you can seek wisdom in how to discern and understand.
dreams. You can do that. But as far as like what to do with stuff, like, especially even if you're
like, okay, well, it looks kind of obvious as to what it means. It's always important to not
consider obvious because, well, yeah, but what does Holy Spirit mean by it? Um, but, um, and so
it's important to always ask him, even if we think, oh, I've got this figured out, we probably
don't, but the other thing is it, uh, is it safe for instance, you know, that God has given you
this dream in which you are in which there's always this man. Now, I don't know if it's one
of those things where God has confirmed to you point blank, you will marry him. Or if it's like
you're, there's this wonderment, Hey God, do you keep presenting him? Because that you're saying,
you know, I'm going to marry him. So whichever it is, but I always tell what I always recommend to
people is, um, to treat this the same as we do anything else that we think that God has said
is especially about, and you would, you would think that, I mean that, and it's not somebody
that I would want to be interested in. Like, it's not like, like, oh yeah, I want that person. No,
no, nothing like, so it's, so that's why it was like originally, uh, he kind of got on my nerves
originally when I first met him. So I know that it's not me thinking this man, like,
like I like him or have a crush on him. No, it's not that at all, because I'm not, if it's not
somebody that I have said. Yeah. Which makes it easier to more clearly hear the Lord because
you're not as emotionally attached. Now what we have to be careful is to not reject it because
we emotionally wouldn't want to honor that we, that we're not naturally drawn to them, but
it is more easy to hear, um, than if you just really, really, really, really like it.
Yeah. Well, I, I think that is because, you know, I wasn't attracted to any men,
I wasn't, uh, I wasn't interested in any man at all. So at all, like, because, uh, um, you know,
what had happened, I probably, I said, you know, like, no, no, no, you know, well, the Lord was
healing me and all that. So I was not interested in anybody. So, uh, even though, you know, he's,
he's nice and everything. Um, I, yeah, I just, uh, so I, and that's how I know that it's not
me wanting it. Yeah. Uh, because really, and then, and it's weird how God, I have got two
dreams of two other men in the past, you know, and these were men that,
I don't, I, that they were warning dreams and some very specific things God showed me about
them in a dream. I would say warning like that, just kind of like there's this and this,
why would you be showing that when I don't need even, I'm thinking to myself when I'm not even
interested, I'm not even, uh, but then later on one of those men, which when I had the dream
at that time, I wasn't, didn't know him well or nothing. He was just like a Facebook, uh, friend.
Yeah. Later on, I found something out and that he was asking a friend about me and this and that.
So the, it, it could just be that, you know, maybe he was praying. I'm not sure why I would have had
the dream, but anyway, it's just interesting how, how God will, will show you things and
kind of like, just like as a, as a caution or, you know. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. But, um, as far as like,
you know, what to, what to do about stuff that God reveals, particularly if it has to do with
the future. Um, I found that it makes a world of difference, you know, because we're wondering,
what do I agree with? And what do I believe in? You know, if God has made a promise, so to speak,
in other words, he said something is going to happen, or maybe he's just saying it could happen,
or he's making a promise that of such and such will happen, you know, um, it's important.
And you know what, Ashley, I, I finally said, you know, cause on Facebook, uh, I would follow him
and he just, he's very outspoken and very nice. He got on my nerves. I'm thinking,
Oh, like, I don't really like all he's saying. And I'm going to snooze him on.
So I'm not really liking all that, you know, at the time.
So let me take so then I go to prophetic conference.
This was Cindy Jacobs like two years.
This year was the last year you know she does that annual. This was the first time I had ever gone.
And so, you know, there's tons of profit that's all that's all there is there. Yeah. And so I went and this was, oh, it was that night was a pastor, a pastor.
Florida. He was approaching.
And he brought in a team from I don't know where a team to minister and and so he said if you need prayer.
You know, come up.
And then one of the words that the lady gave me at that conference was, I mean, hit the tone change.
And when she told me, she said, God says, did not I tell you that I would do it.
She said, I can, and I will.
Why did you stop believing, like, and, and, and specifically he said, she said that man.
I mean, that was the only word I got. That was it.
And I'm like, Lord, you know, but yeah sounds like.
I'm sorry but you know, it's, I don't know, it's kind of hard. Sometimes I think to me, Lord, why did you like have to tell me, like, why, you know, wouldn't have been easier if I didn't get nothing.
This is like, let me just surprise her, you know, you know, thinking I'm like, why, you know, I don't know, you know, yeah.
Anyway, yeah, so I was like, I was like, how would you say
not
a pop out like you say in Spanish when they. Yeah.
So, well, I've been trying to partner with the Lord.
And interested.
I'm not going to put my emotions into it, I'm not going to.
I trust you, you know, I said that, whatever you and I know we get to choose, you know, we get to choose. But, but we like I, you know, I said I just had to repent, you know, because it wasn't, you know, because I, I, you got on my nerves and then I was
not wanting to.
Yeah, I was like, Okay, God, you know, I have to,
you know, keep my emotions out of it, because it's not about that and you said that's so like relationships in marriage, I mean I haven't been married like 22 years.
You know, it's not about, you know, every day it's not about like oh am I in love or anything like that it's about choosing.
It's not about it's about choosing every day to be like okay.
Making it work and, you know, yes.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's, it's, in other words it's, it's a choice to love. It's, it's a choice that you have to make before you even some days you may not even feel it or some days you would be so upset or you're just like, Oh, you get on my last nerve.
Still, you have to make the choice to love no matter what.
Yeah, exactly. Not easy but yeah sometimes you never know what will happen between now and whenever and, and that it's in that the, the key is to actually is to actually have faith in the one that promised, not in what he promised.
So, it's not really that we have to believe that what he said is going to happen will happen. It's that we have to believe that he is who he says that he is.
And then, because if he says that that thing will happen. I was like okay. Okay, Lord, you know, because, but then you know as as your will your will says you know so be it, but we just believe in the one who made that promise.
Well, then we're going to, then we're going to receive that promise without focusing on it, and without anchoring our faith in it, because the journey to that promise being fulfilled, whatever it is, you know, is.
will not be straight.
It'll be very confusing.
And then it looks like the promise itself
is not to and fro.
And sometimes it seems possible
and other times it seems impossible.
And then sometimes it feels like,
no God, you didn't even do it, you know?
And so it can really,
there's no solid footing in having our faith in
or in the actual promise itself.
God is always trying to communicate
something about himself to us
and something of himself that he is giving us.
That thing, that promise is just a means of expressing it.
But it's not the thing we're supposed to look at
and focus on,
and that we're supposed to have faith is gonna happen.
It's that, I mean, we don't have faith
that it's not gonna happen.
You know, we don't like disregard it or something,
but we don't, we're just like, okay.
You know, because with the word
comes everything inside the word
that the word needs in order for it to be fulfilled,
in order for it to be sustained
and in order for it to manifest.
It's all packaged within the word itself.
So it doesn't need any help.
God never tells us to have faith in what he said.
Says always have faith in him.
And him.
Yeah, in him.
And so we just believe in the one who made the promise.
Just like Jesus was always saying,
believe in the one that sent me,
you know, kind of an idea.
So that's the thing.
And then that keeps us from being confused
and being knocked about by circumstances,
by changing circumstances and situations
that seem to knock the promise off course
or make us doubt that it's ever going to happen
or it looks like it didn't happen at all or whatever.
It's just like, you know what?
Let's just focus on the one who promised
because he's trying to communicate
an aspect of his character by giving us this.
Because so often we don't,
he'll be thinking,
he'll be trying to express something
in a way that we finally get it,
that we finally understand.
So he's like, hey, you, this,
just like you were saying about the dreams,
you know, that he knows
how you're going to receive the dream.
He knows that you're going to understand
when he gives you a God dream
that that really is the God dream.
And so he knows, okay, if I talk to her,
she's going to hear me.
If I talk to her in this modality,
then she's going to get it.
You know, it's that same kind of an idea.
It's like, he knows what matters to us
and he knows how we're going to take something.
So he tries to communicate to us
in the way that matches,
in a way that we're going to actually see and hear him
because it's our value system or whatever.
So it's like, hey, I'll talk to her in that way.
There's something I want her to know.
So how can I talk to her in a way that she'll get it,
that she'll hear what I'm trying to say?
He's like, oh, okay, she's got this value system.
I'll use this.
And so anyway, it's, but it's,
but what is his point in making a promise to us
is to communicate something about himself.
So we're always supposed to look at the promise
as him trying to communicate something.
And then just to,
because he's always using a promise to point us back to him.
So that's what we should do.
We should get the promise and then we should think,
oh, wow, that's what this is saying about the Lord
as opposed to, oh God, I love this thing.
Why hasn't it happened yet?
And then we're just like, you know,
and then we start using the promise as it,
which is meant as a gift, which is meant to express God,
which is meant as God's manner of expression of,
hey, I am this good.
I love you this much.
This is who you are to me.
This is how much you mean to me, et cetera.
And instead we take this gift that God has gave to us
to mean this beautiful, wonderful thing about him.
And we choose it instead of him.
And now take this gift that he's offered to us
and we use it to accuse him.
Why haven't you done this yet?
Why hasn't this happened yet?
And so we're really not supposed to focus on the problems.
You're like, okay, well,
if it's gonna happen, it'll happen.
But God, I now see through you expressing this
that you're that good.
I see that you see me.
I see that you, that my heart's desires are something.
that you value or that you have something for me that I haven't even wanted. You have,
and why do you sometimes we not want it? Well, because we're like, you know what,
been there, done that, that hurt a lot. So I'd rather have what I have now than have to do,
go through all of that pain again. Sure. There were benefits, but my goodness, I'd rather do
this. And God's like, you don't know what is the abundance to that I intended to be packaged in
this thing is more than what you're settling for. So therefore I want, because I am good.
And because you mean as much to me, this is what I want to offer you. I want to offer you something
you've yet to experience yet to know exists, you know, et cetera. And so we just were like,
oh, my word board, you noticed me and, and, and what, and my, your, you noticed me to the point
that you have promised to give me something that I didn't even want. So therefore there must be
something there that you're wanting for me and wanting to give to me because you desire more
for me than I've desired for myself. Then I've been willing to ask you for, and you've not only
offered it, you've promised it. So just stuff like that. And if we focus on that aspect,
it, we can then use these opportunities in which God's made a promise to strengthen our relationship
with the Lord, as opposed to it, it potentially hurting it because we're now using it as a weapon
against him, you know? So anyway, those are just my thoughts. That's very good. Yes. That's very
good. But yeah, that's what I would do about dreams and, you know, and everything is just
come to agreement with them. And you can, you can write down what it is that you remember,
you can seek to understand even greater depths of, you know, what they mean, you know,
interpretation similar to, you know, speaking of tongues, Paul talks about the importance
of interpretation. He said, he said, you know, speaking in tongues is for basically, you know,
between you and the Lord, he's like, but it is no good to anybody else, unless there's interpreters
like, so pray to be able to interpret, you know, the same kind of an idea about like dreams is
if he gives us dreams, it's like, well, that's great. But if we don't understand it, you know,
so it's like, okay, Lord. And I'm wondering if different, it means different people,
because I've heard people that have dreams. Like I have a friend and she dreams a lot.
And she says in her dreams that when she dreams a woman, she said it could be any woman. Sometimes
it's different woman. She says, for me, it's always the Holy Spirit in the dream.
Fascinating. Yeah. And I was like, really? And she goes, yeah, she said, always it's
in her dreams is the Holy Spirit. And I'm thinking, just figure that out. Now, everybody's
different. Their dream code between them, the Lord is always different. So between people,
now there are some general things. There is a book that I have called the divinity code,
and it came out of Australia. And it's generally considered to be a very strong, well founded,
like resource. But even then, in that book, they talk about, hey, you really do just need to submit
this to the Holy Spirit. Because this gives these are just kind of like generally what we've come
across. But you can't have a dream and then look it up in the divinity code of that symbol or that
what a tree means or what a bear means or whatever. And know that what it is that we tell you
is actually what's going on in the dream. Your spirit has to tell you what it is that's going
on in the dream. Basically, they're saying, hey, look, you can just use all of this to kind of
like prompt conversation with the Lord, to kind of like give your spirit something some direction
to prompt it ever prompt in the conversation. So I have the divinity code, and I just kind of like
use it as a use it very loosely as a Okay, well, this is a possibility or whatever. But anyway,
yeah, there are some people that know that will a bear in my dream always means x, y, and z,
or, you know, a woman in my dream always means that, or that sometimes they'll say that,
or like if you have a woman that appears in your dream, sometimes it's actually not
the person themselves. It's what their name means.
or whatever, you know, like the person's name is Megan.
So, well, well, what does Megan actually mean?
And then God's trying to talk through the name.
So it can be stuff like that.
So that's something that you can,
that you can pursue is just like God,
Paul was talking about in the importance of interpretation
in relationship to tongues, even though we talk all,
I have always heard about speaking tongues
and how important it is.
I don't know that I've ever heard a single sermon
about the importance of, or how to interpret, nothing.
In fact, I have heard probably once or twice,
someone actually interpret tongues, ever.
And God's just like, hey, look, people,
you do know there's no point in doing it in public.
And basically he was telling the church elders,
he was like, shut it down unless there's an interpreter,
because then it's chaos and it's not in order
and there's no point, right?
Now we can, in our own relationships,
where we can talk, but that's,
so I'm just emphasizing the importance of interpretation.
And it's not that dreams aren't important
without interpretation, it's that,
but my point is God is entrusting us with something.
Or like, okay, God, what are you entrusting me with?
How can I come into agreement?
Well, one of the things is, Lord, would you,
we can just leave ourselves open to, Lord, would you,
I will seek how to interpret.
And I will seek, in other words,
how to interpret this with the Holy Spirit.
And then, Lord, I'm opening myself up to receive,
you know, your instruction of interpretation.
And then let the Lord do what he wants to do.
But at least you've become,
at least you've opened yourself to it.
You've opened yourself up to learning
about interpretation or whatever.
Because again, God's entrusting you with something.
But until then, if God,
if God chooses that you'll have,
you'll receive interpretation, then that's great.
But in the meantime, you can still receive it anyway.
Meaning like you can receive the dream,
you can receive, you know, you can agree with it,
because then you can spiritually partner
with something that your soul
doesn't yet know how to comprehend.
But you're still partnering with it.
So therefore you still get to participate
in the spiritual process that gets walked out,
you know, in the fulfillment of the dream or whatever.
So anyway, that's what I would say.
Yeah. Okay. That's good.
I mean, I was wondering,
because I didn't know what to,
like I prayed about it,
but I was like, what else am I supposed to do with it?
Because I mean, I, you know,
but that's good that I don't want to focus on it.
I don't want to get distracted by it
or think I should be doing something, you know,
just focus on God and say, you know,
you know, just keep my eyes on the Lord and not have to,
I don't want to be distracted by any, you know.
Yeah. Sometimes I'm saying,
you know, but I know that God, you know,
he's faithful and he wants me on track.
He doesn't want me.
Also, he doesn't want me over here in left field.
So I think sometimes when I dream,
it's like, he's trying to get me back on track.
Like he's other dreams that I've had
where he kind of said, okay, let me, you know.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's also important.
And I don't remember if you mentioned this or not
as something that you noticed in one of your past dreams
of why God gave you something,
why God gave you a particular dream.
But another thing that God could be doing in those dreams
is getting you, oh no, you did say this,
is to prompt you and invite you to open up.
And you remember me talking about the fact
that if we're not in a state of rest,
we're in an active state of resistance
because we're actively resisting our default state
of perfection and new creation as new creation.
So what God might be doing is opening,
is presenting something
when you take dreams very seriously,
you're like, oh my word, they're always fulfilled.
You know, like whenever I have a God dream,
it's always eventually fulfilled.
So it's like, okay, I've got precedents.
I know what's going on here.
And there's this, and I wasn't open to it.
So one of the things that we have to do,
and remember, I talked about this.
I don't remember when I did,
probably on one of the fireside chats
about the difference between,
and how we typically surrender
versus what God really means for us to do when we surrender.
What we typically do is we hold on to.
thing, but that we don't want to let go of, or we keep ourselves from something that we don't want.
And so I'm just, um, so I'm going to just use this as an example and say, for instance, that you're
like, I really don't want to get married. And I really don't want to get married to this guy.
You know, let's just say that, you know, I'm not saying that you're that extreme,
but I'm just using this as an example. So it's, it's, we're either we're cutting ourselves off
from something we're keeping ourselves walled up and closed up against something, or we're
holding very tightly onto something. We don't want to let go either way. It's resistance.
It's either way. There's a title. There's a restriction. There's a, there's a constriction.
Right. And so what surrender it and what we, what we think surrender is, is like, okay, God,
if you're holding onto something, you're like, okay, God, I'm, I'm, this is really hard for me,
but I finally come to the point. I'm going to be really big, you know, and really brave. And I am
going to give you permission to come and rip this away from me, but I'm going to hold onto it with
all that I'm worth. And we don't know that we're doing that, but that's what we're doing. We're
holding onto it with all the wall worth, but we're giving God permission. And this is what we think
is surrender that I'm surrendering to you by allowing you to come and rip it away from me.
So if you've ripped it away from me, if you come and rip it away from me, you know what I gave
permission, you know, and that's what we think surrender is. And, or, you know, we protect
ourselves from it. Well, God, you know, if, if, if you want me to have it, well, then you'll just,
you'll just force it to happen. You know, despite the fact that I'm just all against it and you'll
just break down the walls and I'll just, you know, and it'll just happen. And neither of that is
surrender because both of that is a violate. We're calling on God to violate us, to violate our free
will, to violate what you know, the wall that we put up or to rip something out of our hand.
And that's the equivalent of rape or some other kind of violation. I mean, we're just like,
we understand that rape is violation. What we do not. In other words, it is not consensual,
but what we don't understand is that if we are telling God, God, I gave you perm is that our
idea of surrender is, is God giving God permission to violate our free will. And God's like, no,
that is not surrender. Surrender is what Abraham did. Surrender is he, God asked Abraham for Isaac
or commanded him. I don't remember how it worked out. The point is he said, I want your son.
And so what did Abraham do? Abraham had to prepare for the trip. He had to plan for the trip. They
had to prepare for the trip. Then he had to prepare other people for the trip without telling them
what it was all about. Then he had to actually journey three days as a very, very old man.
And then he leaves all of his servants without explaining anything to them,
telling them that they'll be back. And then, and then he takes Isaac not explaining anything to
him either. And then walks as a very old man goes up a mountain. Then together, they set up an altar
and then he puts his son on the altar. I mean, Abraham had to do everything. God asked Abraham
did everything that is surrender. It's like where God asks and we're the ones who go through all of
the process of actually giving this thing over to him and putting it in his hands by acting by faith
that he is safe, acting on it by actually leaving something with him and entrusting him with it
and saying, God, this is yours. I'm truly giving it to you. It's no longer mine, letting it go
and walking away. And we're terrified of that for multiple reasons. But one of it is we feel
like we're abandoning our own baby. We're like, not all, because if anything bad happens,
not only did where are we disappointed pointed in God, but we have no one to blame but ourselves
when that thing needed our protection and for us to protect it against God. And we failed it. I mean,
we're just like that. So we feel disappointed in God. And then we're disappointed in ourselves
that we weren't strong enough and brave enough or whatever. This is how we this is subconsciously
what why we are afraid or what our what our thought processes or feelings are towards this
whole scenario is I am to blame. I've abandoned the thing that is most precious to me, that was
counting on me to protect it. And that thing that we're protecting is us, our hearts, you know,
our mind, our future, our whatever, you know, and, and, anyway, but that is what's around.
Because God says, no, what I'm asking you to do is I'm asking you to be truly vulnerable and entrust me with yourself, where your hand is now completely off of it.
You basically, what it feels like is it feels like you abandon it to God.
And that surrender. So anyway, it goes the same way, whether we're holding on tightly to something or we're protecting ourselves against something coming that God wants to give us or whatever.
So, if God is saying, hey, look, I have this promise for you, the way that we agree with it is we actually let down the wall.
We're letting down the wall. We're not pursuing the guy, you know, doing all the work. We're not doing that.
We're just finally not resisting it anymore so that the word of God can carry it can carry out what God intended it to.
Because it says that his word doesn't come back to him void and always accomplishes that which you set it up to do so it can. We're allowing it to finally do that.
Again, always in rest, we never do anything. We have to stop the resistance. So that's the agreement that is sometimes needed when God is I'm telling us stuff and dreams, dreams like that or promises or whatever.
It's to lay down, it's inviting us to lay down the resistance. That's how we partner with.
We don't partner with it by okay now. Okay, so I have to go meet the guy, you know, and this is me having faith in the Lord and this is me taking action on the on the faith in the Lord.
God said I'm going to marry him so therefore, okay, what do I need to do to show that I believe God.
God's like stop the resisting. Stop saying no God, you know, okay, fine Lord if you say it's going to happen, it'll happen, but I really don't want it to.
And I'm just, I'm just, there's some aspect of yourself you can feel you can feel the resistance you can feel that I don't want to you can feel some kind of an aspect of lockdown fear, you know, whatever that thing needs to be dismantled.
And so what happened to me is I wanted to be, I wanted to be married for forever. And, and ever since I was a little girl that's, that was my life goal, wanted to get married have kids you know all of that.
Well, um, so, and nothing is happening. I mean I wasn't even.
Not only was I not, and I'm talking just generally here not only was I not dating. I wasn't getting asked. I mean I have very rarely been asked on a date in my life.
And I've never gotten to the point where someone asked me to be their girlfriend, you know, or anything so I mean I just never. Anyway, so I'm thinking, well I just haven't felt like the Lord I just this.
Nothing is, is even happening even remotely close to any of this but God I want it so badly why aren't you allowing it to happen. Am I just not as important as other people am I not as woman enough am I not whatever all of these questions you know my mind.
And I think it was October. Yeah, it was October 2021.
And I had Ed and I had known each other for a year, I guess, and he and I had just seen each other that that weekend.
And, again, dress friends. In other words, we had confirmed it. When we were just together for a weekend I mean we're just like hey look this is a justifier I mean we didn't talk about it, but both of us confirmed kind of for ourselves I was just a friend
deal, you know, and, and so but I remember him leaving, and, and I was just like you know Lord again completely separate from it, just me just in my own head and just like Lord you know what are some things that I want to do.
I really want to get married. And I don't understand why it hasn't happened yet. But I told him I said, I said Lord you know, I am finally ready to date.
They're evolving all kinds of reasons why I haven't wanted to date, I wanted to, I wanted to it to be special and only date the man that I would eventually marry.
rules and all these pretty little ways that I wanted it to happen and look and the story to be and whatever. And I finally just gave it all up.
I'm, I'm, I wish I could remember what I told him exactly but it was just the general idea of like Lord I'm ready to, I'm ready to get married, or release any holes that I have any on any on any emotional expectations that I was holding before you of how it would
look, and who would be with and what it would be like.
I just, oh, that's what I told him.
I said, Lord, I believe that you intended my life
to be more enriched than I'm letting it be.
I believe that life can be bigger
and feel more densely rich than I am letting it.
And I asked Lord, I don't know what that would look like,
but I ask that you would enrich the life that I have
because Lord, I feel that I have a really good life.
And that's what I told him.
I said, Lord, I feel whole.
I don't feel like I'm missing anything.
I don't feel like I'm missing in person.
I don't feel like I'm missing not being married.
I mean, meaning like,
as if there's this part of me that's empty.
I said, I don't feel like, I feel really whole
because now you've worked with me on my identity
and I feel whole in you.
I said, but it's almost like I feel that more
can be compressed in this wholeness than I'm allowing.
And so I'm just asking that you just enrich my life.
And if that includes dating Lord,
then I'm finally open to it.
Even if it's dating a man that I'll never marry.
If it's just dating for a while,
if it's just dating to have fun.
And these are not things that I had told the Lord before.
So these are not things I had been open to before.
I mean, like I literally had to emotionally open myself
to finally stop emotionally obligating God
to a particular type of love story,
to a particular way of me living life,
for things to happen,
no longer emotionally obligated myself
to uphold any of those, I don't know,
fairytale standards I had in my mind or whatever.
So anyway, I told the Lord that.
A few days later, I think that was on a Monday
and it was either on a Sunday or a Monday.
Was it Wednesday?
Wednesday night, I went to where Ed was
and I was just gonna stay there at Morningstar
just to hang out for the next several days.
And so he and I were there with his friends and everything.
And then I think it was Thursday,
very next day, something was different.
And all of a sudden I became interested in Ed.
I'd never been interested in Ed.
And all of a sudden I was like, oh my word.
And not only that,
I wasn't used to feeling those feelings about any man.
And all of a sudden, I was 37 years old.
And I'm like, just discovering this part of life.
I'm like, this is so weird.
What on earth is going on inside of me?
Why aren't I-
You'd be surprised, that is not that rare.
There is a lot of women that are not like that.
I'm serious, I have a lot of friends.
Women are not like, yeah, that's, yeah.
I think men are more like, women are just not like that.
Like, I think, I mean, you will see some women,
but in general, there's just a lot of women that are not-
They're not like that as much.
Like, ooh, they see a man and be like,
yes, I want that man, or just wanna be.
Like also, I've also heard that,
because women aren't really attracted to a man
unless they're emotionally connected.
Correct, correct.
And so, and that can't happen until you meet them
and go out and do that.
So really, just by looking at somebody,
you're really not gonna be interested,
because you don't know a woman you like.
Yeah, so that's true.
Well, that's good, that's good.
And so you just decided that weekend?
Y'all just decided that weekend?
Yes, so I all of a sudden saw him,
and he, at the same time, all of a sudden saw me.
And it's because I'd finally let down that wall.
So not only was it keeping me from seeing him
and anything from happening,
it was keeping him from being able to see me too.
So as soon as I let down that wall,
a few days later, we could both see each other.
It was really wild.
So the thing is, I finally let that wall down.
I'm like, okay, God, whatever you wanna do.
Ed was not one of my,
I don't wanna say he wasn't one of my options,
as if I had all these options or something.
It's just like, it wasn't a possibility
until all of a sudden I stopped.
I just let that, I let that wall down,
and then he's the one I saw, and then he saw me.
So anyway, my whole point is,
that's one of the ways in which we can come into agreement
is, and then just allow the Lord to do what he wants.
And it's amazing sometimes,
not everything happens that fast,
but I'm telling you,
it is amazing how fast something will happen
as soon as we open ourselves up.
But it's hard, it's risky,
because there's a reason why we have the wall.
There's a reason why we have these desires
or don't have them.
these desires. And, and then we're risking our were just
entrusting ourselves in God's hands. But it's not that we so
that is our active participation. So but it's always
at rest. God does everything. Yes. Yes. So anyway, good. Thank
you for sharing that with me. Thank you. You're welcome. I
hope it's encouraging.
Yeah, that was that was a lot. Oh, gosh, we went over. Sorry.
No, no, no, it was it was me. I was just trying to make sure to
drive a point home before we finish. But I'm sure and then
the last thing is, Ed and I have a he's going out of town next
week. So he has Thursday and Friday open for for personal
ministry sessions. Do you have a good time during that time for
for, you know, the hour session on Thursday or Friday?
What are the hours? Do you know?
Really? Honestly, I haven't I haven't said him. So the
earlier in the day, you know, the better for us. But if you
need an evening session, we can do an evening session.
What time does this do you start?
How are you? Oh,
um, you know, I say that I would say about like, 10 would be
early. The earliest. Yeah. Okay, cuz I work at nine 930 to six
on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Wednesday, Thursday and
Friday. Okay, so those the evening is best. So evening is
best? Yes. Okay. But I don't want to cut into your if you
want to do it Thursday, I can do it Thursday. Okay. What about
Thursday at, like, say, I don't know, eight in the evening? Is
that good? Or do you prefer earlier later? I just picked a
time. No, no, that's fine. It is fine. Okay. Okay. And then let's
see, or let's see, you said, when do you get off? 630? Okay,
and then do you eat supper right after that?
Not really. I work from home. Yeah. So like, I'm eating on my
break. Okay, a lot of times I'm eating on my break. Like I eat
all hours.
Okay, well, let me ask. Let me ask you this. What works better
seven or eight for you?
If you want to do it at seven, that would be good. Because that
will be done early.
Okay. All right. Well, we'll do seven at on Thursday. And then I
will send you a thing for that. Okay. You know, a zoom link and
all that. Perfect. I'm looking forward to it. And then you'll
get to meet him.
Yay. Okay. Thank you so much for your insight and your time and
your sharing that bless me. Thank you.
You're welcome. And I just thought the healing your soul
and through your spirit up. So I just got that up. So it's in
the it's in the group. Okay, look at that. Okay. Which I know
you've already seen it. I just want to let you know what's in
there. And also, and also Tammy, let me know that the how to was
it how to how to make friends and rest wasn't the right video,
which is very odd. And so I made sure that that was the right
video. So now that is updated. You may not have needed needed
to see it. I just wanted to let you know in case you tried it.
That was something that you may be aware was an issue. So anyway,
okay. You're welcome. Thanks. Hope you have a good evening.
You too. Thank you. Bye.