This is so good. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Can I ask you the same with sleeping
and like, are these, do you think, do we eat because of, like, that was very interesting
when you said about trauma. Because I think, do we eat, like, I don't know, I don't even
know what I'm trying to ask. Because I also struggle with sleeping and actually has a
like, I know, I know that there's a level of faith you can have to, to sleep or like,
but I don't know what it is, or if those things are connected, because they're both very physical.
I do feel like, I have, like, that there are, that it really lightened up the two times you
mentioned trauma. So, I don't know if you want to, if that could also be with sleep, or if it's like,
I don't know, I think what I shared in the last responsive,
at least, even what happened on Friday, when I spoke to my two friends about living in rest,
and then they got on to me about, oh, so you think you know it better, or kind of,
they got really kind of offended by it. And also, like, the last half year, I've never been
I've never been in so many relationship difficulties for things that I've said,
and you said about when a son of God rise up, then there's like chaos in the universe,
and these are not in alignment. And then crazy things like that can happen. And I, but I think,
and I am, but I still feel like I'm traumatized by all those things that happen. Yeah, I'm sure.
Like, and I'm trying to believe, or I'm believing sometimes what you said,
and it was very helpful to have the rest intensive during Christmas, when these things happened.
And also to talk to you this fall, because it happened from August until now, but it keeps
happening. It happened on Friday. And so I think, I don't know why I'm mentioning that, but maybe
that is connected to eating and sleep. But I feel traumatized, and I don't even know how to
articulate it, or that, and I ask the Spirit almost every day to heal my soul, or to come
and heal my soul. And I believe that God is doing something, but I still feel traumatized.
Because of those things that happen, and also all the things are still ongoing,
and I'm still dealing with the effects of the rejection, and the people that misunderstood me.
And I lost two good friends that don't want to speak to me anymore, because I spoke up about
something that I might have not, I don't like, I'm not even really sure what it was. They just
got very offended by something that I said, either speaking into their lives, or saying something, or
you know, just talking about an issue. And then it keeps happening.
So it's hard not to believe that it's me, that it must be something with me, because this,
you know, but it all happens. After the rest intensive, I first started teaching in July,
and since then until now, it keeps happening so many times. And I've had, of course, I've had
relationship issues before in my life, but never, never to this extent, like I've never experienced
people turn on me like this. Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. So you haven't noticed a difference in like,
I don't know, anything that you're saying, or how you're saying it, like, are you talking to
them about like new things that you're learning? Are you approaching things in a different way
that you used to, because you now see the world differently? Or is it like nothing, what the web,
and in other words, they're responding to that? Or is it like, no, this is the way we've always
talked this way. I've always had a relationship and it's just happening. I mean, do you know?
I think it's both on Friday, it was because I was trying to explain less.
Yeah, yeah.
The other times, I just feel like I've been myself, but maybe
I know why they were offended, one of them was, or I would know some of the reasons why
they were offended.
And one of the times was because one of them contemplated abortion, and then I said my
opinion about it, but I said it in a very loving way.
I talked to her kind of like you would talk to a child, I said, like, I'm really surprised
by this, I think that this is like a great thing that you've done, and it's something
that God takes very seriously, or like something.
So that was one thing, and I know she got very offended about me speaking what I think
is truth in her life, and for me it was because I wanted her to, I didn't want to see her
get into this wrong place of believing that what she did had been okay.
Okay, so has she already done it?
No, she was contemplating it, and then, and the other things have been, I've talked to
her about, the other things have been, things that I can see, like it has been things, asking
them questions, like what's going on in our friendship, are you offended, and then one
of the times she was very offended that I would ask that question, and she said, I want
to be friends with you, but I don't want to talk about our problems.
And then she got very, and then I said that that was very challenging, and I didn't know
how to relate to her, if we're not going to talk about, there's like this big elephant
in the room, but she said that I had done things that really offended her, but it would
just make it harder to talk about it, and then I started to explain myself, and then
she says, now you offend me even more, and then she said, now I'm going to drop back
from you, and I don't know if I can talk to you anymore, and then she cut contact with me,
and she just, so, and so then, and one of them was my friend that I told you about,
and that she was being rejected towards me, and then I brought it up, and we misunderstood
each other, and there was like a whole big miscommunication, and then I felt really hurt
by her rejection, and then she felt hurt because she felt like I was pushing her,
asking questions, what's going on, so I think that I, maybe the common denominator is that
I have pushed something, whether it is to say that it's wrong to contemplate abortion,
or say that, hey, can we talk about issues in our friendship, or say, hey, I'm living,
I feel like I found something living in rest, and I think this is really, really great, and it's
like different from the way I used to live, so in all, the common denominator is like me pushing
something by being me, by being either excited, or wanting to clear a misunderstanding, or tell
what I think is true in the situation, and it's gotten really wrong, but my responsibility is
the pushing, and maybe it was the wrong timing, or it was too much, or too soon, so I totally see
that it doesn't have to be both, it could have been my part too, but in all the situations,
they have reacted really against me, and two of them have, don't want to see me anymore,
hmm, and some of them I've been able to walk through the different rejection issues, and
some of them have said that, have also asked me for forgiveness, and said that they have reacted
against me, so it's, there's so many, many, it's happened so many times, yeah, yeah, I'm sorry,
um, well, uh, so that's actually why I asked, because I began to think, wait a minute,
is something different, you know, and, and maybe it's not, maybe it's what you've always, uh,
done, but one of the things that I kind of noticed, that I wanted to kind of like, maybe,
um, maybe free you from, because this is how I felt as well, I was very, um, uh, I was very
open to conflict, like, because I would see, okay, let's, you know, let's have a better friendship,
let's deal with issues, so whenever I saw an issue, I'm like, okay, well, I'm not afraid of it,
let's go for it, let's deal with it, and whatever.
And especially with relationships that requires the relationship has to be strong enough to sustain the confrontation.
And some people, because relationship is a two way street, some people can't handle it.
So, my encouragement to you is I'm not surprised that that's how you've been like that thing keeps coming up of like what you said, you know, just kind of like I'm bringing something up or I'm driving.
Because that's how you know you approach your whole everything in your whole life.
Push harder, because you thought that was expected of you.
You thought, life is hard, and God wants me to push to overcome, he wants me to do the right thing and I'm finding it really hard to do the right thing.
And so it's, it's strengthened you to always expect everything to be hard, and to be, and to be, and, and because you want to do the right thing, you are willing to go for it.
And so, I believe that God wants you to understand that life doesn't have to be that hard.
You don't always have to, you don't always have to fight everything or fix everything, you can just let it be and not confront it.
And God's just like you know, I want you to, to not have to battle, every potential issue that comes up.
If they want to live like that, just let them live like them. If they only want a particular degree of relationship with you, then that's all they'll get.
You know, so in other words, it's, it's like a free, it's because that, that thing in you is good.
You have a willingness and a strength to not be threatened by or shy away from confrontation or conflict, you have a potential in you to have relationships of very deep intimacy, but not everybody that's in your life is going to desire that, or has the strength for it.
And so that means that sometimes, maybe not everyone, but that sometimes some of those people are being very limited in other areas of their life, because they're not willing to confront or face conflict in things, and it's being evidenced by the fact that they're not willing to do it in relationship with you.
So they probably shy away from it in other areas of their life.
And because they're not willing to actually do the hard, the hard thing of facing things, so they don't get the, they don't get greater benefit in their life in those other areas.
Anyway, so when it's showing up, including in the fact that they're not willing to go there with you, but you on the other hand, have an ability to go and to have a great and to be greatly enriched in your experience in life, because you are not cowed by and threatened by adversity.
Like, okay, but I'm willing to go at it, and I'm willing to go into it, I'm willing to face it, I'm willing to face what I need to in myself, etc.
But what I think that God shows us is that not every battle is for us.
Not everything that we get privy to see in someone else's life is something that we have to confront, or we have to speak truth into.
Sometimes you don't even, in other words, you're free.
You are, God doesn't want you to feel the responsibility for everyone else.
He doesn't hold you responsible for everyone else.
And it also means that He doesn't, that even though we have such love for other people, like, oh my word, I don't want them to have to live like that.
I want them to know that life is better, or I don't want them to believe that lie, or that whatever.
You know, we can say and approach it from this perspective of, oh, it's because I love them.
But here's the thing, though, that there's a certain measure in which you need to be available for people that God's going to put into your life.
And if you've taken up all of these things from all these other people, you're expending your energy in all of these areas in other people's life that God hasn't given to you.
And now you don't, you're burnout.
The areas that God needs you to have your energy for.
So the thing is that there are all of these great things that are within you.
There's nothing wrong with what it is that you're doing.
The fact that you were pouring into these people, the fact that you were willing to
have, you're willing to face things, face the conflict, you know, and, and, and,
you know, and confront things in order to have greater, deeper relationship
and intimacy with others.
Um, and, and all of that, all of those things are good things.
None of those things are wrong.
None of those things are bad, but who has God given you to do it with and which
situations and when, and then you're free of everything else.
So it's good, but where are you doing it?
And, um, so that you can do it in the areas that God could uniquely created
you for, and that are needing you.
And if you're doing it everywhere, then you're going to be burnout and
exhausted in the areas that God is, is developing you for, does that make sense?
So the things that you're doing are good, but you can be burnout and you can get
yourself burnout as well as, as well as there can be damage done because they
weren't meant to receive what it is that you have to offer, but these situations
were, and maybe you haven't even come to these situations yet, and maybe God is
still preparing you and developing things in you by exposing you to
conversations with your friends.
And so you're thinking, oh, it's time for me to actually
confront or address or whatever.
Well, it may not be the time.
That may not be why God has enabled you to hear these things that your
friend is saying, you know, or whatever.
And, but it's to equip you for later down the road.
So in other words, you, um, there's less work maybe that you thought
than you thought God was wanting of you.
And, but understand that the things that you're doing, they're all
good and they need to be done, but maybe you're doing them in areas and with
people that aren't, that, that cannot receive the aspects of God that he put
in you and he put those in you for these other people who can receive it.
Oh, this is so good.
Does that make sense?
So again, there's nothing wrong with
and hard to hear.
Yeah.
I know, but that's why I'm saying there's nothing wrong with you.
You're doing all of the right things, but maybe it's with ask the Lord.
When and where and with whom so that you don't get burned out so that you don't
get discouraged so that you stop experiencing such rejection because God
intends when he speaks through you, he intends for it to be received.
And so, yes, there is certain measure in which God had to prepare us and say,
Hey, look, I'm sending you out.
And if the town receives you, then allow your peace to stay.
But if it doesn't receive you, take your piece back and shake the dust of that
town off your feet and then leave because it had the choice, but understand that
what it is that you're offering.
Isn't you it's God.
And so therefore, if it rejects you and it rejects your peace, it's
not you that it's rejecting.
It's very clearly stated in scripture that it's a rejection of Christ, not of you.
So anyway, my point is that I know that you've been receiving a lot of rejection,
but that here very clearly, there's nothing wrong with you and what you're doing.
It's just that it's just ask the Lord.
Okay, Lord, if it's not working out.
Is this the person, is this the right time, you know, is, is this the right
situation in which I should have brought something up or is it, I'm supposed to
keep my peace to myself and, and operate at some other time though, because so
often what happens is if we keep getting rejected, we can think we're the problem.
Yeah.
We understand what you're doing.
They're good things.
You're desiring deeper intimacy with people and you're offering it.
You're sacrificing yourself in those situations and that's good.
That's really good, but they didn't receive it.
So if it keeps happening, that's the time to ask the Lord.
Okay.
Lord, what am I not understanding?
Am I doing it just with everyone?
And you want me to be more selective?
Like even the, everyone could be friends and like.
Lord, are these not the friends that you're wanting me to do this with?
You only want me to be a particular level of friend with these people.
And that in order to be deeper, the way that you equip me to be able to be, it's with different
friends, that different friends, we go deeper, you know, there's different levels of friends,
some people refer to it as like all of these inner circles of like, you've got all of these
friends back here, and they're only allowed so much closeness to you.
And you have friends who are a little closer, and they're allowed a little closer relationship
with you.
And then there's your inner circle, that's allowed even more intimate relationship with
you.
But the degree of intimacy determines the degree of conflict.
With people out here, I don't confront about anything, nothing, you know, and even in these
people in the middle, you know, not the middle, but like the inner ring, I confront about
specific things.
And I bring up certain conflict in particular ways, and I'm more gentle and whatever, but
I bring it up.
And then with these people, I can be even more forthcoming, whatever they with me, that
I'm selective.
So, so just know that just because you've encountered issues doesn't mean that you're
something that there's something wrong with you.
Just understand there's more than you that's being, there's more than just you that's a
factor here.
It's the other person, and it's the timing and meaning like, maybe that's not who God
wants you to do that, but it doesn't mean that what you did was wrong.
Maybe it was just out of timing.
Maybe it was someone that couldn't receive it, you know, so anyway, then it allows us
to adjust without thinking, well, I must be bad, or I must just not get it, or why do
I keep being so damaging?
Like all these people start getting all upset, and I've made them upset.
Something must be wrong with me.
No, that's not, that's not, like in other words, I must have done something wrong.
Apparently, this is not how you do it.
Apparently, I'm not being loving.
No, you're being loving, but you know, I just ask the Lord, okay, Lord, you and I are living
this life together, when, how, to whom, that kind of a thing.
So just kind of like redirect it, so value what you have, and value what it is that you
offered to them, but don't, I also recommend don't judge them for something they just may
not be equipped to handle.
They may not be strong enough to be able to face those things in them, or that just may
not be who it is that they are in your life.
God intends that place to be held by a different person in your life, you know?
So anyway, does that all make sense?
Because I didn't want this in any way to come across as any kind of like, for you to feel
bad in any way.
This was to give you encouragement of like, hey, there's nothing wrong with you.
Just ask the Lord about like the strength that you have of something beautiful that
you're offering of yourself is not being received by certain people.
So Lord, what do I do with this beautiful thing you gave me?
Where can I put it?
How can I interact with it?
Where do I direct it?
Who do I offer it to?
As opposed to thinking there's something wrong about me that I need to change, but no, that's
just teaching you how to use it.
Does that make sense?
Yes, it does.
And when I learned just to learn to be honest about where I'm at and to work things out
with people in a loving way, even the things that were hard, I experienced a lot of fruit
for many years.
And then suddenly, of course, there were issues and challenges, but it was like it brought
a lot of fruit in people's lives and in my life.
Now it's not.
And I think it is like the deeper issue where you said where that life is a battle, fighting,
like I've been trying to fight for survival.
And suddenly, maybe it's trying to teach me another way, like part of it was striving,
but part of it was also using a gift that it brought a lot of fruit.
But now it's not, but it doesn't mean that I'm doing something wrong, like you're saying.
Maybe God says that, OK, that was great.
That brought a lot of fruit.
Now you can rest.
You don't have to fight all those battles.
You're not responsible for all these people.
Life can be easier if they don't want to receive it.
way turning against, for instance, contemplating abortion, it might not, unless they welcome
you to speak and maybe, like, they ask me so I should tell the truth, but maybe I should
be more, maybe not every fight is my fight, and that part of it has come from a place
of feeling like it was my responsibility and also in loving people and wanting to see
them whole and free with themselves and with the Lord, but no, it's not, no, God is, you
know, I feel it was really good what you said.
One of the things that is easier on yourself and, you know, on other people, if, because
we love them, we want to see them, we want to see them operate more freedom and all of
that.
One of the easier things is to, easier approaches is to affirm who it is that they are, as opposed
to trying to speak into or battle what it is that they're believing.
So instead of trying to affirm or to disavow their belief, I try to focus on who it is
that they are and how they have been, how I, how I watch them and express who it is
that they are.
Like, those are all of the positive things in which they, and so, and like, for instance,
I had someone that asked me one time about an abortion that they were contemplating,
and they asked me, but they came to me and actually asked me what it is that I thought.
And so I knew that I had to obviously be very careful because I couldn't say anything that
would make, that would shame them or make them feel bad for contemplating it or bad
for, bad for struggling or whatever.
And because then that, because that is, it's shaming them and they have a harder decision,
they have a harder time making righteous decisions from a place of shame.
So I was like, okay, so I can't do that.
This was about, I don't know, 12 years ago, maybe 11 to, yeah, about 11, 12 years ago.
And I, and so I don't remember what it is that I said, other than like pointing out
different things that God says about basically the value of life, because again, they were
asking me, so I would talk about the value of, of, of, of this human being and the, and
how it is that we knew that it was a real person as opposed to just simply a fetus,
you know, or like this thing, but it was actually whatever.
And so I mentioned some science.
I was very gentle when I did it because again, they're asking me, but I was like, yeah, but
just because they're asking doesn't mean that they are very strong in being able to handle
certain responses.
And I'm like, okay, I need to be very gentle with them almost as if they didn't ask, you
know?
And, and so I, so I told them, you know, certain things about like the value of life, the value
of the human being.
And so I would like build up and affirm the value of what it is that they were carrying
as in like scientifically, this is what they've measured about, like how to tell, you know,
the heartbeat starts at this time and, you know, and, and at the time of conception,
you know, they can capture like a spark of light that they've been able to literally
physically see a spark of light come in, you know, so we know that, oh, that's when the
spirit, you know, comes in and the soul joins the, that's when the soul joins the little
body.
And this is what the Bible says, but, and then I would affirm that, and I don't remember
saying this at all, but just thinking now back on it, I would, I would want to say things
like the fact that they, that they, what a good person that they were and what a good
mom, you know, how much, how much they loved other people and how much they could, would
pour into a life and that I was just, I could just see them, you know, just really making
uh, just being a very special person to raise a new life into whatever, basically just like
affirming and like talking about all the positive, as opposed to trying to get them to stop believing
what it is that they were believing, but just really, you know, all affirmed. But again,
I was asked, so I don't remember if you said that this person asked. So that's what I did,
but even understand that, that even though they asked, I had to be very, very gentle
in explaining why I believed what I believed, but all from the positive, as opposed to what
God says that he's going to kill. And if somebody does it, it's better that a millstone's wrapped
around their neck. I didn't like try to motivate them from the negative. I tried to motivate them
from the positive, try to draw them towards making a particular choice as opposed to shaming them
from where it is that they were, because I'm identifying them in a particular place of like
being somewhere that they need to escape from and whatever. And I'm using that as one example
of how I talk to people. Um, and, uh, cause I was talking to somebody else a while back. I think,
I mean, I've touched lots of people about this in parasite chats, but one, I remember from about a
couple of years ago where someone was asking me, so actually there's somebody who's always,
who's always talking to me about the fact that they believe Satan is so horrible and how did
they need to do to that? And, and, um, they're like, how do you talk to somebody like that?
That always focuses on Satan instead of God. And I said, honestly, when someone asked me for advice,
I talked to them the same way as if they'd never asked me for the advice. I just always focused on
how, um, on all, on affirming who it is that they are and talking about the truth, as opposed to
trying to get them to stop believing what it is that they are believing. I give them something
to be drawn to instead of something to escape from. Anyway, that has really helped my, um,
my conversations with people because basically I'm trying to empower somebody else to make their
own decision. I'm trying to empower someone to make their own choice. So anyway, that for what
it is. That's so good. But it also is really hard to hear. I think just because it's just because
I just feel horrible about everything and just like, Oh, I should have done these things differently.
And I guess it's very helpful, but it's also, it's very helpful. Uh, but I just, um,
that it also tells me, Oh my gosh, I've done so many wrong things
and it just plays into my condemnation of myself, but it's, uh, but it's, um,
but it is learned teaching me a lot. So it's just, uh, I think I am in a state of
trauma still about these things. So I, um, but I don't definitely see that,
that I could have done things differently and that, um,
and that, uh, like I can learn from all of these things and that maybe God is trying to teach me
something new and a new way of living. Remember though, that, uh, that it's that, okay. So we're
used to viewing like trials, tribulations, hard things. And like, for instance, something like
this, as if, as if, okay, we were bad and we're not supposed to be like that. It's different. God's
just like, no, that's a hard way to live. Wouldn't you like to live easier than that? You took
something on that I don't require of you. So from now on live lighter, live freer, don't take it on.
So instead of thinking of it, like, oh my goodness, I did something wrong that I shouldn't
have done. Understand that as an old perspective that we're trying to let go of that. We thought
that that's how God viewed things that that God viewed things is, Hey, stop doing these things.
They're bad. And instead do these things. And that's not the way it is. God is just like,
no, no, no. You're living life. You already are the thing. You already are. That's great.
The problem is you're don't feel like you experienced it. So let me show you how to
experience it. I've already given you everything. I've already made you perfect. You're already
here, but you're not experiencing. You're already experiencing it in your spirit.
You're already holy. You're already perfect. You're already great, but your soul and your body
don't know these things yet. So God's just like, Hey, get, understand that you
don't have to live this heavy. You don't have to take these
things on. Live lighter, live freer, live in more love. Does
that make sense? So did the perspective. So we're, we
struggle with this sense of shame as if I because we're
focusing on I did something I shouldn't have done it. I should
have done something different because like no, no, no. You
you're, you're, you, you were trying so hard to do the right
thing. But you, you did something that you didn't have
to do. In other words, you made life hard on yourself. By
weighing yourself down. You thought I made you do something
that I actually didn't make you have to do. So in other words,
you can live lighter and freer with less performance, less
action, less responsibility.
Out of battery. That's so that's okay.
Perfect. So in less responsibility. Oh, I can't hear
you. Okay, now you're switching over.
Yes, okay. It was just losing power. Yes. I'm hearing you.
Okay, good. So anyway, less responsibility and all of that.
So as hard as it is, we're not it. So this is actually a
perfect. I'm so glad we're talking about this because this
is perfect real time stuff is that I had to learn when I was
feeling bad about things. I was feeling shame. I was feeling
condemnation. I'm like, see God, I shouldn't have done this. Use
the rest tools in these situations to when I've done
something and I was wasn't supposed to do it. That's how I
kept interpreting things. I've done something I'm not supposed
to do it. And instead, what we and we feel the shame, we feel
this condemnation and God's like, no, no, no. You are not
changed. And you are not condemned. So release shame and
condemnation from yourself. So you do the whole rest tool
things in situations like this because you're feeling bad. God
doesn't want you to feel like you're feeling. So therefore,
God is more focused on the fact that you're feeling like you are
than that you did what you did. He's like, okay, forget that for
a minute. It's like, who cares, whatever. I don't like the fact
that you're believing that you're heavy that you believe
that you're shame that you that you're ashamed that you feel
condemned. Yeah, it's more important to God. So he's like,
no, no, no. Choose this kind of goes back to the conversation we
were having with you know, when we were all together within it.
Where God's just like, okay, just like put that other thing
aside for a second. If you can't do that, and obey God, then you
can't do that. And obey me by believing me at the same time.
So abandon this for just a second, and just do what you
need to do to believe. So you free yourself in situations
like this, you intentionally free yourself from shame and
condemnation. And in you, when you do that, you feel like you
don't deserve it. It's a willful decision that you have
to make. It won't just happen. You actually have to be the one
who tells yourself it or tells yourself to free who releases
yourself from shame and condemnation. So you have to
actually stop shaming yourself. And stop holding yourself
responsible for what you did. In other words, stop being
responsible for holding the weight. So if you think of what
it is you did, if you think, okay, it's that rock, I have to
hold, stop holding it. And it will feel weird, because you'll
feel like no, but God holds God wants me to hold it. Because I
did it. So therefore, someone's got to hold it. So I have to
hold it. And for me to not hold it is for me to not rightly
it's for me to live in sin. And for me to not make restitution
by apologizing to the Lord. You know, in other words, how will I
feel bad enough to apologize? How will I feel bad enough to
not do it again? How will I feel bad enough to obey God? Do you
see how we were using shame and condemnation to motivate us to
do the right thing?
It's like, no, no, no, no, no, don't use it at all.
He's like, so basically he's like, stop holding the rock.
Let the rock go and stop feeling the burden,
the weight and responsibility of what you did.
Stop thinking about it.
Stop holding it.
Does that make sense?
I'm trying to use different phrases
to get the idea across.
But do I need to do something in the relationships
if I think like, oh, maybe that was unwise.
Maybe it wasn't.
Because two of these people stopped talking to me,
but I have tried to reach out to them.
But I realized like I'm holding onto this rock,
but I think also I'm wondering, what do I need to do?
Like, why did these things happen?
What do I need to do?
And so I'm wondering, can I just drop it
and just not contact them and let it go?
Or something in the relationship.
Okay, so first of all,
forget the relationship for a minute.
Forget what you're supposed to do with them and whatever.
And this is what I do too.
Forget about it for a second.
Because we keep thinking, oh my goodness,
that I'm responsible for my effect on someone else.
I was just like,
Ashley, the more important thing is you and me.
That's more important than this.
So let's go for a second.
In fact, he said, Ashley, you can't view this rightly
if you can't view this rightly.
So forget about it for a second
and just do what I'm asking you to do here.
No shame, no condemnation.
You're no longer have to bear the weight
of the responsibility of what you did.
That doesn't feel right, I understand.
But understand that's what Jesus did.
When he died, he took that rock.
So you don't have to live carrying the rocks
of what you've done.
That's the power of the gospel.
See, we keep thinking, well,
what God did is when I get a rock,
because I've done something,
then what he paid for is my ability
to get rid of the rock by apologizing,
by correcting it, by doing the right thing,
by apologizing to the Lord,
by fixing it with someone else.
And then I can get rid of the rock.
That is not what God did.
What God did is when you create a rock,
he says, okay, now give it to me
so you no longer have to carry it.
And you haven't done anything.
You didn't apologize to him.
You didn't apologize to them.
You didn't fix it.
You didn't do anything.
That is the power of the gospel.
It's radical.
It's drastic.
It doesn't make sense.
See, we keep thinking that the power was God was just like,
well, no, what I did is I made a way
for you to go jump through all of these different hoops
of apologizing to me, apologizing to them,
fixing it, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.
I created a pathway of work for you to follow
that will let you eventually work hard enough
to get rid of the rock.
God's like, no, I paid for that rock before you created it.
So as soon as you make it, give it to me.
Then when you make another one, give it to me.
Stop trying to make restitution for the rock.
Stop trying to get rid of the rock because you can't.
You can't apologize enough.
You can't fix it enough with your friend
to get rid of the rock because it exists.
That rock has got to go somewhere.
So the only way to get rid of the rock
was if Jesus died to actually remove it.
That's why no matter how much you work,
you can't, it was never enough to get back to God
because you still created the rock.
Even if you worked really hard to apologize to them
and apologize to them to correct it,
the rock still exists.
There was no way to get rid of the rock.
That's why Jesus died.
He's like, I have to figure out a way to get rid of the rock.
Otherwise, it's just gonna be in a mountain somewhere
because you can't annihilate something that you've created
to exist.
So God's like, I'm gonna pay for it.
And when it enters me, it'll finally be annihilated.
Remember what Jesus said, as if you had never sinned,
I will put them as far away from me
as the east is from the west,
where he forgets it even happened.
In other words, in his world, in God's world,
and God's the one who said it, it's as if it never did.
That's the power of the gospel.
So understand that what happens after that
is that's how you believe God.
You believe God by giving him the rock.
him what it is you did. It's as if you've never done it. Now what you do is now that
you're standing in faith and belief that what God really did on the cross is really true
and it really did happen and you acted on it. How did you act on it? By giving him the
rock. You're no longer responsible for the rock. It's as if you never did it. It's as
if you never created it. Now that you're standing in that place, what does God want you to do?
Now that you're shifted into the position of your spirit, why? Because you did that
out of faith, because you took what God said really was true about what he did on the cross
and you acted on it by actually giving him the thing and no longer being responsible
for it. Now that you're shifted into your spirit, now God's like, okay, now that you
are operating from your place of oneness in Christ, where he has all power and all authority
and everything is under his feet, therefore everything's under your feet. And now you,
because you're in Christ, are in the judgment seat itself, now you can righteously judge
the situation. So in righteously judging the situation, what should you do? Well, you apologize
to the Lord. Why do you apologize? Simply because you're in a relationship. You're not
paying for anything. You don't have a rock anymore to pay for. So you just apologize
to him. Okay, Lord. I'm sorry that I did that. Lord, you're my father. You wouldn't
have done that. So would you show me, because I have your DNA, I have your character, and
just I reflect the same character that you do, a kindness and of love and everything
else and what it is I did actually wasn't expressing that. So would you show me how
to operate instead? Father me into this. You say, I'm already like you. So who is that?
And how do I do that? And so therefore, he matures you and he fathers you into as opposed
to, I'm going to teach you to stop doing that. You shouldn't have done that. You shouldn't
be doing this instead. That's not the perspective that we should view it from. It's from this
perspective of, God, you say I'm already like you. Can you show me how to act like that?
Can you show me who it is that I already am and what my character already is and how
to operate like you in the situation when I'm in that situation next time? And then
what does he also say to do? He might say, he'll then reveal to you how you should handle
that relationship situation. Should you go and apologize to him? Or does God release
you and you say, you know what, they have, in order to honor what it is that they've
asked of you, they've asked you, like say, for instance, if someone has said, I don't
want you to contact me again. Well, by asking for their forgiveness, that's not honoring
what they've asked of you. They've asked you, you know, and I'm making something about it.
No, someone's wanted you to not contact them again. But if, if that were true, I'd had
to ask someone to not contact me again. It was a, it was a stalker. And I say, I didn't
ask, I demanded, but the point is I told them and someone asked me one time and, uh, oh
yeah, then they, then they waited an amount of time and then they sent me an email. Um,
and I was in, and I deleted it immediately. And I didn't, I'm like, I can't believe that
they contacted me again. I told them to stop contacting me. Um, and, uh, and then I had,
and I told someone, um, about it and I said, yeah, they contacted me again. And they're
like, well, what did they say? Well, I don't know. I deleted it. I told them to not contact
me again. This is stalking me, you know? And this person said, Ashley, guys, what if the
person was trying to apologize? And I'm going, well, they're not doing it. They're, they're
actually dishonoring me in order to try to apologize. They're contacting me. So, so I,
but I thought, well, I don't know. Was I wrong? You know, am I, Lord, I'm sorry. Am I not
being open to them apologizing? Lord, I'm so sorry. So I went to the trash where it was,
because I hadn't deleted the email trash. So I went to the trash and pulled out the email,
read through it. Sure enough, they weren't apologizing. They were trying one more way
to get in contact. So anyway, so, so, uh, but my point was that if they, if someone has said
to not contact them again, or if they're acting like it, maybe they haven't said it,
but they're acting like it or they're dead. There are times where we have said or done
things to people that have passed on and the Lord opens our eyes later. Or maybe we,
the last thing we said to them before they died was an argument. And we just live with this guilt.
There are ways of God relieving us of all of this. There are ways in which we can,
you know, go.
through forgiveness of the Lord,
which is what I just described,
where we actually give the Lord this rock and whatever,
as well as other things that we can do of like just,
because even if they don't exist on earth, they still exist.
And there's ways of us just being able to express,
feel like we've expressed ourselves.
We can imagine that they're there,
or we can just talk to the Lord,
or imagine that they and the Lord are there,
and we just pour out our heart
because they no longer need our apology.
They're gone.
We need to sometimes kind of walk our own soul
through a, not a reconciliation,
and not really a restoring,
because you're not restoring your relationship,
but there's a way of like touching on the connection
of the relationship that you have with the other person
to give you relief and comfort
that you have apologized,
that again, you're not paying for something you've done.
God did that.
All you're doing is after you let God pay for that,
out of faith and acting on it by actually giving it to him,
now you're completely relieved of the burden
and the responsibility of what it is you've done.
And now from that righteous place, what do you do?
It's like, okay, then I talk to this person
because I'm in relationship with them,
and that's just based off of loving someone,
but you're not paying for someone.
You might be like reaching out to rebuild their trust,
to just whatever.
For instance, I had something that really hurt someone
many years ago.
Oh my word, it's been at least 10 years,
if not longer ago,
that I could, that I,
and the thing is that they had really hurt me.
And so I was confronting them about it,
but it really hurt them that I confronted them about it.
And so they just broke off all contact with me.
I mean, like all contact.
They blocked me on Facebook and everything.
And so you understand that the relationship with them
or lack thereof is not one that they're open to my apology,
because even though I believe that I was right,
and I'm just using this example
because sometimes we believe that we're wrong,
but even if I believe that I'm right,
now that I know everything that I do,
and now that I'm in the Lord,
and now that I'm more healed in my identity in the Lord,
I want to, I would have go to that person and apologize
because they were hurt.
They didn't, couldn't receive what it was I was saying.
They basically couldn't handle my hurt.
They couldn't handle me being hurt
by what they were doing to me
and me confronting them about it.
My confrontation with something
in order to get a deeper relationship with them
was something they couldn't handle.
And I felt bad about that.
I'm sorry.
You know, so sometimes we apologize for things,
not because we've actually done something wrong,
but simply to restore a relationship,
simply to bring comfort to someone else.
Think of them kind of like a child.
I don't mean that in a negative way,
but like as in like they just couldn't handle the burden
of what it is that you needed them to help you with.
And you reached out to them and gave them something
that actually hurt them by carrying it.
And you're like, you know what?
I should have given that to someone else
who could actually carry that.
You could help me through my struggle
because my friend couldn't, you know?
And so my kids, I'd apologize to them now,
but the relationship is not open to that.
They are still very hurt.
And they don't trust me.
And so anyway, that I look at, you know,
anyway, I look at their life and I can see why
because of experiences that they've had with people
and how they kind of interact with people now.
I'm like, oh my word,
they're now built up a whole like wall
around themselves and whatever.
So I can like see some things that, okay,
they've now put me in a box of people
that they don't trust
because they don't know how to handle certain things.
They couldn't hear what it was I was really saying
or whatever, or maybe I was speaking out of brokenness,
my own brokenness back then,
regardless of whether I was right or wrong,
regardless, regardless if I was right
and I just did it in the wrong situation
at the wrong time, regardless of all of that.
They are not open to me contacting them, to address it in any way.
They can't handle it.
But understand that you are not tied to, you are not in a lot, you are not tied to them,
chained to them, connected to them in a way that you can't be freed until they free you.
Until they forgive you, until they say it's okay, until they at least understand your
heart.
You are not, they can't, you are not chained to their lack of freeing you and their lack
of forgiving you and their lack of understanding.
That is between you and God.
God is the only one who's big enough and has the power to pay for what you've done.
Your friend can't.
So anyway, so all of that is kind of helpful.
I know it's a lot.
Yeah.
Yes.
It's a lot to take in, but it was really good.
Yeah.
I think it's, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think that it will help me in, in becoming more free.
Yeah.
So remember the step to, first of all, to let go of what it is that you've done, because
the thing is, how do you realize you're in unrest?
Deal with the unrest first, not with what you've done.
You can't, you can't correctly or righteously handle what it is you've done and do the right
thing about it until you're in your righteous place again, until you're in that position
again in Christ.
I mean, you never leave that position, but until you're operating from that position
again, you can't say it righteously.
So don't even try.
Relieve yourself of the responsibility.
Like, okay, let me shift back into the place where I can now see it appropriately and where
I can now, I can now do what I need to do appropriately from the eyes of God, the way
he wants me to handle it.
You know, the world can't tell me how to do it righteously.
The world can only tell me how to follow the law.
Only God can tell me how to handle that righteously.
So I need to forget about it for a minute and get right, get, um, you know, between,
you know, between me and the Lord, have that faith and act on what it is that he said about
me.
No shame, no condemnation, you know, shift him to rest.
Remember who it is that I am.
Give him, give him the rock, give him the pay, you know, make him, uh, uh, realize that
I can't pay for anything and give it to him to pay for it.
He absorbs it into himself as if he's never, as if you've never done it, it's never existed.
Now that that's true, now you can address that like, okay, Lord, now that I'm free.
Now, what do I do?
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
That was very, very good.
Remember that you were more important.
Choose you, choose you in action.
I understand that you feel this between you and your friends.
Choose you because you're not choosing you selfishly.
You are readjusting yourself to come into agreement with God and what he has said.
And what he has said is no.
The only thing that I've given you to be able to control is you.
So you and I first, you know, meaning like you and the Lord, you know, you and I first,
you know, shame, no shame, no condemnation.
Then after that, then let's approach everything else.
But so it's not from a selfish perspective.
It's coming into agreement with belief about what God said first.
So he's holding you.
He's holding you in a manner of speaking.
He's holding you more responsible for that than this thing that you did.
So address that first.
And then when you do that, then he'll show you what to do about the other.
And he'll, you'll be able to do it from a very powerful spiritual position
because you're a whole and healed now.
And that whole and healed person that has been forgiven that will be able to
righteously see and address this situation from the heart of God himself.
And that can bring amazing things and restoration and connection with people
than simply trying to make it right.
In order to please God, God's like, no, no, no, forget about it.
In order to please me, choose this first to please me.
Then together, let's approach this.
You know, you're not abandoned and alone.
You're not separated for me to try to fix it, to try to be responsible for it,
to try to do something.
And then ask me if it, how you handled it was okay.
It's like, no, no, no.
Choose me over.
for your relationship and then I can help you with the relationship.
Yeah.
Is that helpful?
Yes.
Very.
It's a lot to take in.
Thank you.
Yeah.
My heart.
Yeah.
What I'm going to do is I'm going to assume that, um, uh, that, you know, this part, you
know, you and I, um, it's not part of the rest group, you know, cause it is very personal.
Now, if you want it to be, then that's perfectly fine, but otherwise I'll cut it off when,
you know, and that, um, leads and put this as a separate thing.
Basically it's a, it doesn't count as your transformation session, but kind of like a
transformation session where it's a recording that you can go back to, would that be helpful?
That would be great.
Thank you so much.
Uh, I'm you're welcome.
It's so good at it's rich and it's a lot and I need, um, uh, I, but I can already feel
like God speaking to me through you and just starting to set me free from all these things.
Yeah.
And that's, you're welcome.
Another thing I would recommend, go back to session eight, which remember is from the
rest style group, go to session eight, which is about, uh, you know, healing the spirit
at healing the soul and body through the spirit and remember, and go through that and talk
to your soul or body, or you can, you probably remember enough of it, you know, to just do
it tonight.
Talk to your spirit, soul, and body and, um, uh, tonight before you go to sleep and
then given that intention and instruction and in desire and will for them to shift and
to come into alignment and agreement, um, with the Lord, um, about these things while
you sleep.
So, and I would recommend honestly doing that every night for the next step, just to tell
yourself like for the next five days or the next week or whatever, and maybe even write
a note, you know, just remind yourself, you will see a shocking difference of how you
will, you will shift because otherwise you're, you're, you're telling me, Oh, you know, Ashley,
it's good.
It's a lot to process and all of that.
Understand that a lot to process is simply all of the unlearning that you're doing.
What it is that I said itself is actually not complicated.
The reason it took me so long to say it is I'm trying to address all of the, yeah, but
what about, and what is, and all of the stuff that'll come up.
So it can feel like a lot to process, but your spirit, soul, and body know what to do
without you micromanaging it and without you being conscious of everything it is that I've
said, they've absorbed what I've said, and they know how to come into the alignment of
the truth of what God has already spoken and how God already created them to operate.
So if you just give them the instruction to come into alignment with what God has said
about you, what the power of the gospel that he's already paid for everything, and you
don't have to, they will cut even just those two simple things.
They will come into alignment while you sleep.
And so you just keep praying that, and even, you know, during the daytime that they will
adjust without you, with all you do is just giving me the instruction to do so yeah, without
you consciously having to like, wait until you figure all this out to be able to tell
them what to do.
No, no, no.
They, they are more, they're understanding things that your consciousness is not currently
understanding.
Go to bed.
And then tomorrow before I go to bed and just choose God and to let go of the rock and maybe
I'll pick it up tomorrow and then I'll let it go again.
Yeah.
And then I, of course I can watch it again, but my spirit is already understanding a lot
of it enough for me to let go.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Well, it was good to visit with you.
Yes.
It was so good to see you.
I'll see you guys.
Not that long.
Yes.
All right.
See you then.
Bye.