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Hey there, hi, sorry, that's okay.

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How are you?

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I'm doing good.

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How are you?

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Doing good.

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Can you see me?

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It looks a little bit dark in here.

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Can you see me?

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Very dark.

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Let me try to get the light on.

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Oh, cool, you've got a dimmer.

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Yes, that's helpful, huh?

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Oh, yes, very much.

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Yeah.

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Now I know who I'm talking to.

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Yeah.

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Good to see you.

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Good to see you too.

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So how did the concert go in the cathedral?

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Oh, it went really well.

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I posted a journey share, but then I couldn't find it again.

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Yes, that's because, remember, the discussion group closes.

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Oh, that's right.

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Oh, that's right.

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But you've got all of the other stuff.

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So it's the same thing as like being in a Facebook group and then once it closes,

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well, then I leave that for the next group to come in.

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So technically what I did with y'all's is I technically moved you out of the

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group because that group is the one that everyone who's active is in.

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So that's why you could see it and you couldn't,

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but then you still have access to all of the, you know, all the information.

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Yeah.

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So you still have access to them anyway, but I mean, like,

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as in all like all the teachings and whatever.

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I was just wondering if that makes sense.

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Yeah.

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I posted what I think I was, I posted it on Sunday, like the second one.

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And I think I shared a little bit there about.

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How it went.

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It was really, really.

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Good.

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I apologize. I haven't, I haven't watched it yet.

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I'm going to, but here's, here's what's really, what's really odd.

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Renata. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you.

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You have been so faithful and always doing the journey.

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This rest intensive.

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The past process intensive.

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Because I don't tell it to people because it's busy work and I want them

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to have something to do for me.

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I'd rather keep it as simple as possible.

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And I'd rather not have journey shares. If people think that it's busy work.

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It's not.

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It's not.

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It's not.

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It's not busy work.

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The reason I have it is because that's what helps people make all of the

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difference. So some people were choosing to take advantage of it.

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You know, of like the opportunity for themselves.

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And then some weren't.

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And basically you were the most faithful one to do it.

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So very near and dear to my heart for a techie.

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When I said, Hey, look,

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I'm so glad you're here.

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I never would have done it without you.

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I never would have thought.

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That's the one thing that's so wonderful about you,

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that you've that you've always approached the programs that you've been

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in with.

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Amazing intention. So anyway, my, my point is I got, okay,

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this is just you and me talking now.

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I got so disappointed.

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That people weren't.

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You know,

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I'm not sure how to say this.

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But I got so disappointed.

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And I was like, I'm not sure how to say this.

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I'm not sure how to say this.

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I'm not sure how to say this.

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I'm not sure how to say this.

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And I was like, okay,

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I'm not sure how to say this because it doesn't feel like there is

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investing as much, you know, in themselves now. Sure.

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You were with me. We saw people change. We saw it.

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And so I was like, okay, God, you're still doing a work. You know,

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the journey shares aren't magic or anything.

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But the thing is I got so used to people not interacting in that way

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that I kept going on and finding that people weren't posting.

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Yet, but that that that was me.

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It was in this, in this.

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So anyway, not just be, you know,

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other people just decided that that was a,

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just a bit more than they were than they were out of note.

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Kind of.

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And just currently where they were currently at,

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but you and Annette, just, you know, y'all, y'all I posted.

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You especially posted very faithfully, but I apologize.

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I had just kind of like,

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Just kind of written it off as no one's doing it.

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So I will tell you what I'm going to do.

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This as a result of this,

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Then I am this next rest intensive.

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I'm actually making the journey shares a requirement in order to get a

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transformation session.

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number of journey shares, well, then they get a transformation session, which is significant.

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Currently, it's $200 an hour, usually, and I'm about to go up. So on that, so I'm like, hey,

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people don't have to do journey shares, but then they don't get a transformation session.

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So anyway, I'm like, what can I do to help encourage people to do the hard, vulnerable

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thing? Because you've noticed not just for you in like, in like the benefit of you sharing your

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heart and the journey share, but forcing you to kind of like articulate for yourself, what is

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going on between me and the Lord, but also the great benefit that I think that you've gotten

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in watching other people's journey shares. Like, so all of that is because people did them. So now

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people, you know, whether or not they do journey shares, they get to benefit from other people

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who've been vulnerable. Point is, it's extremely beneficial, and it has a multiplying effect.

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You don't just get to affect the lives and the journey and encourage the people

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that are in your group, but the people who come after that get to watch, you know, how someone

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else was in a difficult position like them, and then, and see how their life has changed.

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That's also part of the reason why I actually, why those are separated, and only people that

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are active get to watch the journey shares is because they're private. I mean, they're private,

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they're people being very vulnerable. So I only want people to have access to those very vulnerable

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moments from other people. If they have decided to put themselves in that same vulnerable position

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of like, Hey, I am choosing this for me and my walk with the Lord. And while they're active in

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the, in the rest intensive, then they get access to like seeing other people's journey shares so

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that they can get encouragement in their own journey. But then that, you know, while they're

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not active, there's not access to other people's like private, you know, vulnerable stories. So

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anyway, thank you so very much. Please know that it's not that it didn't mean something to me. It's

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that it's that other people weren't doing it. And I was, and I started forgetting that people, that

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a few people were doing it. So anyway, and so I'd forget to look, because I was so disappointed.

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But anyway, that's between you and me. So I was also a little bit disappointed because

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a few times that the Tammy posted, it's like, for me, it's very important in my walk. And it's also

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like a discipline thing that you're like, okay, this is what I want to do in the program. And

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actually assess that it's going to benefit me. So even if I didn't, I didn't understand it in

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the beginning, I knew that it would, it was a good thing. And then I couldn't notice it after a while.

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And you kind of get into the habit of, oh, yeah, it's Wednesday, I should be doing my first one,

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so that I'll have another one. So you kind of have it. It's like, you're kind of like,

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it's been really, really good. And I actually think it has really helped me to move into rest

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and to really, sometimes I would go back and look at look at my own journey shares. Yes. Like,

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oh, my gosh, that's what's going on. You know, standard at a deeper level, what's going on?

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When I watched Tammy's, she sent the few and then Annette's, and then I wanted to be active. So I

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commented on all of them. Yes. No one commented on mine. So then I was like, oh, I really wanted

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to read it. You did you did. So that you could be encouraged. But I know I'm sorry, I noticed

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everybody who just kind of like set back kind of watched and that's just what they chose,

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you know, and that's fine. But I bet it's hard for me as a as a as a mentor, because I keep having

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to remind people, okay, guys, this is not a teaching program. This is mentorship. In other

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words, there is actual participation, but people only get out of it what they put themselves into

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it. And so that's under their control. So anyway, but so tell me, you said that you go back and

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watch your journey shares, and you noticed something. What is it that you said that you

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noticed? You said that you noticed not only that it helped, but you said you started like,

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noticing what how far you've come or starting to recognize what was going on? Yeah. Like I realized,

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I realized what was actually going on. Like listening to myself and going back.

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Oh, yeah, that's and then after the journey share what I had shared with like linger in my head.

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So the next day or so like it would be like, oh, yeah, I talked about this in the journey share.

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And then you commented and Annette commented, too, which was helpful. So then I get a little

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bit of feedback, like, okay, so this is good. And, and, yeah, but it was very, very helpful

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for me. And I think maybe it worked better in the last rest intensive, because then we were more

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like active in each other's lives.

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listening to each other and getting, learning from each other.

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Correct. Yes, it was, it was very good. And would you believe that that's not even as

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active as it used to be? Like last time wasn't even as active as it used to be. So I've kind

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of noticed it kind of tapering off and I'm asking Lord, okay, Lord, what was, what was

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there in the beginning? That's getting lost somewhere. So I'm talking Lord about it. And

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I've got some, I'm very excited about the next rest intensive. I've got the fireside

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chat that you are, I listened to the fire chat such as, and you said that you're going

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to go down to three day to three weeks. I'm looking to do, I think I'm going to do four

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weeks. I, I'd considered the three weeks. I don't know. I think I'm going to do four

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weeks and I'm going to make it a, I plan on making it more in a, what would you call it

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more? I might do three weeks, but I think I'm going to do four anyway, make it more

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compact. So there's more in a shorter amount of time and also going to be focused on deeply

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connecting with God and yourself. So specifically focusing on that aspect of rest and the foundation.

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And because I've noticed, especially the past two times, the past two rest intensive, that

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has been something that people really been, I don't know that the Lord just keeps highlighting

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that people need is that deep connection with the Lord, with how to be with the Lord and

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themselves. You know, how do we be with God and how do we be with ourselves? Because we

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keep trying to avoid ourselves. And that's what I keep to what I want to kind of emphasize

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and point out in the rest intensive is again, you know, the whole idea of like, we have

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to have a free will in order to be able to give it to God. We have to have a free will

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out of which to believe him, you know, cause I kept telling people, Oh, believe God, you

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know, and shift into rest or whatever. They don't know how to make a decision. They're

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not knowing how to make a free will choice. So then I'm having to do that so that they

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can actually choose that God is who he says that he is. So I'm, I'm noticing I'm having

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to go further and further back to be able, because there are just some deep woundings

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that people have where they've disassociated from God because they don't believe he's safe

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and they've disassociated from themselves. So anyway, I'm going to have an, it's going

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to still be the rest intensive, but it's going to be focused on, you know, connecting with

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the Lord, connecting with yourself very deeply. And so I'm doing a journal and then I'm possibly

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doing like a group mass, like group texting, which I'm hoping is going to be more impactful

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than even like the, the group messaging was. Um, and, um, and then also you were the first

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person to know this. I plan, unless something changes in the next couple of weeks, I plan

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to do all the teachings live again. No recording. Yeah. Well, I say no recordings. I mean, I'm

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sure I'll do like put in, if people ask questions, then I'll provide the supplemental teachings

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like I do like, Oh, well, I already have that teaching year ago. This will answer this question,

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but like the root foundational teachings, I'm currently planning on doing all of those

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lives. I haven't done those lives since I did that, that conference really anyway. So

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I'm very excited. So anyway, my point is that every time I do a rest intensive, I'm always

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looking back and saying, okay, so how are people participating? How are, what are they

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getting out of it? Are they being helped? And if, or if there, if there seems to be

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something missing somewhere, where is it? And how can I help fill in the gap? So anyway,

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but that, but I just wanted to, sorry to interrupt. I had wanted to explain to you why I hadn't

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listened to your journey share. It was simply because I kept forgetting. I had something

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good and exciting to listen to because I always get excited about those journey shares. I

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get so excited, you know, I'll stop whatever it is I'm doing, you know, when I listened

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to him or whatever. And I keep forgetting. I have those things to listen to that somebody

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actually posted. Go ahead. Please tell me, how did it go?

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It went really well. It was, came a lot of people, quite a bit of cheap people. And I

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don't know, old people, young people, former drug addicts. It was like, there's like very

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normal people. And the feedback afterwards, we're having a debrief on Sunday, but some

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of the feedback we were, we've been getting is that people were allowed to go deep with

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Jesus for people personal, even just by listening to us. Yeah. Oh, that's wonderful. So it was,

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yeah. And then I share also in the journey share that like, like what God has been leading

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me to do afterwards. So I am, I am actually thinking and it goes, so after this, and then

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we're going to do the concert.

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again because I think that there's several like several churches or have asked us to do it and

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different ventures and our venues and then so we're gonna continue with it and that's amazing

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yeah it's really really cool and it's like me coming back on the horse again

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I can tell that like in it something is happening when I'm singing again

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great and what happened with like the the preparing for it you know how you kept

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and you were struggling to be disciplined to prepare for it and you kept getting triggered

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how did all that go I think you gave me some advice on it and it was about yes you said

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to choose it to let go of your old way of disciplining yourself and to choose that you

219
00:15:57.840 --> 00:16:04.000
are a son of god and that this is what I choose to do I choose to want to learn this lyrics

220
00:16:04.640 --> 00:16:11.600
kind of like and then I don't know if I got all of it but I got the rough idea about it so I spent

221
00:16:11.600 --> 00:16:19.280
some time just choosing it and I did spend some time preparing not as much as I would like to or

222
00:16:19.280 --> 00:16:26.640
normally do but I think I'm learning like this is something like I'm learning too yeah yeah yeah

223
00:16:26.640 --> 00:16:33.760
that's wonderful I'm so excited for you you don't you seem pretty pretty chill about it are you

224
00:16:33.760 --> 00:16:48.000
happy yes I am I also am really like I feel that now that I'm I'm coming more into

225
00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:55.440
co-creating with god and that I'm getting the concept of sometimes like it doesn't matter

226
00:16:55.440 --> 00:17:00.720
like when I get something or I want to do something before it was more like oh is this

227
00:17:00.720 --> 00:17:05.839
god is it not god oh if it's god then I need to do it I need to be obedient and what if it's not

228
00:17:05.839 --> 00:17:10.880
god then I don't have to do it like a little bit more like that but now when I have ideas I'm more

229
00:17:10.880 --> 00:17:17.119
like well it doesn't matter if it was god or if it was me we might do it together not like it doesn't

230
00:17:17.119 --> 00:17:22.560
matter but you know what I mean I know it's kind of more like okay maybe it was my idea maybe it

231
00:17:22.560 --> 00:17:29.600
wasn't god telling me but I'm co-creating with him so I think I would like to try it and then I'm

232
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going to invite him to come with me and we can do it together so I'm not like so tense about is it

233
00:17:34.800 --> 00:17:39.760
god or is it not god you know it's kind of more like we're doing it together and then also you

234
00:17:39.760 --> 00:17:44.880
have to take more responsibility for your dreams because the ideas and thoughts you have it's not

235
00:17:44.880 --> 00:17:49.600
like you can just oh if it's god it's going to happen or that he's going to take the responsibility

236
00:17:49.600 --> 00:17:56.240
or he will open doors it's more like okay now I have to really own this yeah and it's my idea

237
00:17:56.240 --> 00:18:01.360
it's not like I can just put it on the shelf it's god it's no I have this idea and then

238
00:18:02.240 --> 00:18:06.640
yeah it just feels like I need to take more responsibility for it but in the same time

239
00:18:06.640 --> 00:18:14.480
it's also freeing so yeah yeah good oh that's wonderful and it's always you know we just we

240
00:18:14.480 --> 00:18:19.280
do it like you said we do this together with the lords we're like okay lord you know I don't know

241
00:18:19.280 --> 00:18:23.520
if this is your idea or my idea but whosoever it is what do you think about it should we do it

242
00:18:23.520 --> 00:18:29.760
together you know whatever so that's that's wonderful I'm very excited for you so what else

243
00:18:29.760 --> 00:18:35.920
what else how else are you doing or do you have any questions or any struggles how are you doing

244
00:18:35.920 --> 00:18:41.360
like just generally with with people you know that you've been struggling with and you know

245
00:18:41.360 --> 00:18:46.880
with a heartache and the pain and just um you know with like past relationships or current

246
00:18:46.880 --> 00:18:54.320
relationships or whatever so overall how is that going uh I have like I told you I think I

247
00:18:55.040 --> 00:19:00.560
shared this that I have spent time with Jesus going back into the memories of what happened

248
00:19:02.320 --> 00:19:09.440
and ask him where he was at and I feel like it got that it's been getting a little better

249
00:19:09.440 --> 00:19:14.720
after that it's still some of the things are still a bit painful because the friendships

250
00:19:14.720 --> 00:19:24.240
aren't restored but I I felt all the time that he tells me that I'm free and that that it's not

251
00:19:24.240 --> 00:19:34.400
that I'm not wanting to restore like I've really reached out to restore um and um kind of like

252
00:19:34.400 --> 00:19:41.360
okay this part they weren't willing for some reason to to receive this part of me or our

253
00:19:41.360 --> 00:19:47.120
friendship or they weren't willing to to work it out yeah and and that kind of like

254
00:19:48.800 --> 00:19:55.920
so then I can't carry it anymore like if if they at some point later want to come into my life then

255
00:19:55.920 --> 00:19:59.760
then we can talk about it and I can open up again but for now I can

256
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:02.920
just let it go and be free.

257
00:20:02.920 --> 00:20:07.540
So I feel better about it, but it's still painful.

258
00:20:07.540 --> 00:20:12.540
But I'm also trying to learn how to confront

259
00:20:13.660 --> 00:20:17.440
and what not to confront and to feel like what is,

260
00:20:17.440 --> 00:20:21.440
I'm thinking a lot about what is my responsibility?

261
00:20:21.440 --> 00:20:23.520
Is there new ways to do it?

262
00:20:23.520 --> 00:20:26.400
And like who, and you mentioned some things

263
00:20:26.400 --> 00:20:31.400
with maybe sometimes you shouldn't

264
00:20:31.400 --> 00:20:34.360
because God wants your energy somewhere else.

265
00:20:34.360 --> 00:20:36.600
Like if people aren't receiving you,

266
00:20:36.600 --> 00:20:39.520
then there are others that will, God has something else.

267
00:20:40.840 --> 00:20:43.400
But then another, some other friends have told me

268
00:20:43.400 --> 00:20:46.680
that they see a lot of fruit with me in those things.

269
00:20:46.680 --> 00:20:51.200
So I think I'm thinking a lot about that

270
00:20:51.200 --> 00:20:54.660
and asking God if there's new ways,

271
00:20:54.660 --> 00:20:56.580
things he wants to teach me in relationship

272
00:20:56.580 --> 00:20:58.000
and how to relate to people.

273
00:20:59.260 --> 00:21:00.220
Yeah.

274
00:21:00.220 --> 00:21:02.300
Now, one of the things that you can do,

275
00:21:02.300 --> 00:21:07.020
cause you said, there's still some herd and whatever.

276
00:21:07.020 --> 00:21:09.300
Obviously you can go back into those places

277
00:21:09.300 --> 00:21:12.140
and ask the Lord, okay, Lord, now that we're here,

278
00:21:12.140 --> 00:21:15.180
go back into that memory and you ask the Lord,

279
00:21:15.180 --> 00:21:17.140
where he is and all of that.

280
00:21:17.140 --> 00:21:18.500
And you just ask him,

281
00:21:18.500 --> 00:21:20.900
is there anything that you'd like to tell me?

282
00:21:20.900 --> 00:21:23.300
Is there anything you'd like me to know?

283
00:21:23.300 --> 00:21:26.100
Anything about, I don't know, just whatever about,

284
00:21:26.100 --> 00:21:29.780
and it'll usually be about you and him.

285
00:21:29.780 --> 00:21:32.020
Like something that he wants you to know

286
00:21:32.020 --> 00:21:34.900
about how he sees you or feels about you

287
00:21:34.900 --> 00:21:37.380
or what was really going on in the situation.

288
00:21:37.380 --> 00:21:39.300
In other words, Renata,

289
00:21:39.300 --> 00:21:43.440
it really wasn't about you at all.

290
00:21:43.440 --> 00:21:45.700
You were at the wrong place at the wrong time

291
00:21:45.700 --> 00:21:50.540
and got the fire of the fact that they just had a bad,

292
00:21:50.540 --> 00:21:52.560
you know, experience on the highway

293
00:21:52.560 --> 00:21:55.680
and you were the first person that saw them after that.

294
00:21:55.680 --> 00:21:58.560
And so you've got the time lashing, you know, or whatever,

295
00:21:58.560 --> 00:22:01.520
or it could just be, you know, that you'd be like,

296
00:22:01.520 --> 00:22:04.720
you know, what it is that they say it,

297
00:22:04.720 --> 00:22:07.360
that have said about you isn't true.

298
00:22:07.360 --> 00:22:09.680
And he could like, might put your himself

299
00:22:09.680 --> 00:22:13.160
between the two of you, or he might, I don't know,

300
00:22:13.160 --> 00:22:14.580
just do whatever.

301
00:22:14.580 --> 00:22:16.900
So anyway, so that is helpful.

302
00:22:16.900 --> 00:22:19.480
And another thing that's helpful is the same thing

303
00:22:19.480 --> 00:22:23.240
that when you and I had walked through forgiveness

304
00:22:23.240 --> 00:22:26.920
of your, I think it was with your mom, was it your mom?

305
00:22:26.920 --> 00:22:27.760
It was.

306
00:22:27.760 --> 00:22:31.520
And then we can do, yeah, and then we can cut,

307
00:22:31.520 --> 00:22:36.200
and then you can cut those ties and connections,

308
00:22:36.200 --> 00:22:37.880
whether it be a soul tie,

309
00:22:37.880 --> 00:22:42.320
or it just kind of be connection with that person

310
00:22:42.320 --> 00:22:47.320
that was built when they said the things that they did,

311
00:22:47.840 --> 00:22:51.160
when y'all had your interaction,

312
00:22:51.160 --> 00:22:52.680
and there was some kind of a tie,

313
00:22:52.680 --> 00:22:55.800
some kind of a connection that too,

314
00:22:55.800 --> 00:22:59.320
for between you and them related to that hurt.

315
00:22:59.320 --> 00:23:01.480
And that's something you can go before the Lord

316
00:23:01.480 --> 00:23:04.760
and declare that yourself to be completely freed from,

317
00:23:04.760 --> 00:23:09.320
completely so that it leaves them free and you free

318
00:23:09.320 --> 00:23:12.920
to enjoy each other without being connected

319
00:23:12.920 --> 00:23:14.960
in a negative way, you know,

320
00:23:14.960 --> 00:23:17.320
connected by negative events or whatever.

321
00:23:17.320 --> 00:23:21.400
And then you'll feel more free with them,

322
00:23:21.400 --> 00:23:24.920
even if they aren't wanting to connect with you,

323
00:23:24.920 --> 00:23:25.960
even if they're, you know,

324
00:23:25.960 --> 00:23:28.160
meaning like they're not wanting to, you know,

325
00:23:28.160 --> 00:23:32.540
be friends right now or be in relationship or whatever,

326
00:23:32.540 --> 00:23:36.780
they will, you won't feel,

327
00:23:37.660 --> 00:23:42.660
your sense of peace won't feel disrupted by their choice.

328
00:23:45.480 --> 00:23:46.320
You know?

329
00:23:46.320 --> 00:23:48.880
So anyway, that's something else you can do

330
00:23:48.880 --> 00:23:50.080
with the Lord as well,

331
00:23:50.080 --> 00:23:55.080
and see if that brings you some more additional healing

332
00:23:55.720 --> 00:23:56.920
to some of those areas.

333
00:23:58.920 --> 00:23:59.880
Thanks.

334
00:23:59.880 --> 00:24:02.600
And I actually had a couple of things

335
00:24:02.600 --> 00:24:04.720
that I wanted to ask for today.

336
00:24:04.720 --> 00:24:06.040
I don't know how much time we have,

337
00:24:06.040 --> 00:24:07.760
but I can just start.

338
00:24:07.760 --> 00:24:09.560
Oh yeah, absolutely.

339
00:24:09.560 --> 00:24:13.720
And one of the things are,

340
00:24:15.280 --> 00:24:17.360
something that it's very,

341
00:24:22.040 --> 00:24:24.720
it's connected to what I,

342
00:24:24.720 --> 00:24:26.400
because Annette and I have started, you know,

343
00:24:26.400 --> 00:24:29.480
like to love our bodies,

344
00:24:29.480 --> 00:24:31.800
like the weight thing and all those things.

345
00:24:31.800 --> 00:24:36.000
And today I showed,

346
00:24:38.060 --> 00:24:40.480
and what it basically is,

347
00:24:40.480 --> 00:24:42.120
there's no easy way to say it,

348
00:24:42.120 --> 00:24:43.240
or like, I don't know,

349
00:24:43.240 --> 00:24:46.240
it's, there's some root of, I don't know,

350
00:24:46.240 --> 00:24:50.760
of self-hatred in me that comes back

351
00:24:50.760 --> 00:24:55.320
to rejection of being a little baby, I think.

352
00:24:55.320 --> 00:24:58.480
And there's something,

353
00:24:58.480 --> 00:25:00.040
and today I,

354
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:05.000
at my class and I showed them a picture

355
00:25:05.120 --> 00:25:06.640
because of various reasons,

356
00:25:06.640 --> 00:25:09.200
I showed them a picture of me when I was a dancer.

357
00:25:11.840 --> 00:25:15.080
That was like probably 20 pounds ago,

358
00:25:15.080 --> 00:25:17.480
at least 25 pounds ago.

359
00:25:17.480 --> 00:25:22.480
And for some reason, just showing it to them,

360
00:25:23.200 --> 00:25:27.600
me as a dancer, brought a lot of like,

361
00:25:27.600 --> 00:25:32.600
afterwards I was in a lot of pain and shame.

362
00:25:33.160 --> 00:25:35.000
And I don't know if it was because I showed them

363
00:25:35.000 --> 00:25:38.200
or if it was like, that's how I used to look

364
00:25:38.200 --> 00:25:40.720
or, and now I don't love myself.

365
00:25:40.720 --> 00:25:43.440
I just can tell that I'm, I have put on weight

366
00:25:43.440 --> 00:25:45.760
and I'm struggling really to love myself.

367
00:25:45.760 --> 00:25:48.760
So when I come out, I decided every time I go out

368
00:25:48.760 --> 00:25:50.840
out of the shower, I'm gonna look at myself

369
00:25:50.840 --> 00:25:53.320
and choose to love my body.

370
00:25:53.320 --> 00:25:56.560
And then I'm gonna tell myself

371
00:25:56.560 --> 00:25:58.960
that you don't have to change.

372
00:25:58.960 --> 00:26:01.320
But then I can tell that it's really hard.

373
00:26:01.320 --> 00:26:06.320
I do it, but it's not, I don't know if it's working.

374
00:26:07.160 --> 00:26:11.560
And I feel like this self-hatred thing sits so deep

375
00:26:11.560 --> 00:26:14.080
and it just manifests with,

376
00:26:14.080 --> 00:26:17.720
it was there when I was super skinny too.

377
00:26:17.720 --> 00:26:21.280
So I know, and I know it's not just the body,

378
00:26:21.280 --> 00:26:25.320
it's also face, but it's kind of gotten worse

379
00:26:25.320 --> 00:26:26.400
when I've put on weight.

380
00:26:26.400 --> 00:26:28.880
And also, so I could discipline it for years

381
00:26:28.880 --> 00:26:30.600
and like lose the weight.

382
00:26:30.600 --> 00:26:31.440
Yeah.

383
00:26:31.440 --> 00:26:34.000
But now when I can't discipline myself

384
00:26:34.000 --> 00:26:36.680
and I'm trying to walk through it

385
00:26:36.680 --> 00:26:41.600
and lose weight and rest, I can tell that,

386
00:26:41.600 --> 00:26:44.240
and it's not working really so far,

387
00:26:45.880 --> 00:26:47.560
or not that it's not working.

388
00:26:47.560 --> 00:26:48.960
I think there are things happening,

389
00:26:48.960 --> 00:26:52.640
but I'm not at this point losing weight

390
00:26:52.640 --> 00:26:57.200
and I can still feel very negative about my body

391
00:26:57.200 --> 00:27:00.120
and my looks, I think.

392
00:27:00.120 --> 00:27:05.120
And so what it is, it's like shame and condemnation.

393
00:27:05.560 --> 00:27:07.240
And it was just interesting

394
00:27:07.240 --> 00:27:09.640
that I was gonna talk to you about it today.

395
00:27:09.640 --> 00:27:11.440
And then this live thing happened

396
00:27:11.440 --> 00:27:12.320
with the students today.

397
00:27:12.320 --> 00:27:14.760
I'm just like, this is exactly what it is.

398
00:27:14.760 --> 00:27:18.760
I do something and then I end up in a lot of like,

399
00:27:18.760 --> 00:27:21.440
it's like, I want to crawl into myself

400
00:27:21.440 --> 00:27:23.400
and not be a little baby again

401
00:27:23.400 --> 00:27:26.720
and just take care of my wound.

402
00:27:26.720 --> 00:27:28.640
It's just really, really painful.

403
00:27:28.640 --> 00:27:29.960
Yeah.

404
00:27:29.960 --> 00:27:32.600
Well, one of the things that came to mind is,

405
00:27:32.600 --> 00:27:34.520
and I know that this is very strange,

406
00:27:34.520 --> 00:27:37.480
but self-hatred is just kind of like a different way

407
00:27:37.480 --> 00:27:38.840
to think about it.

408
00:27:38.840 --> 00:27:41.720
So my only point in bringing this up

409
00:27:41.720 --> 00:27:43.280
is to just kind of like flush it out,

410
00:27:43.280 --> 00:27:45.200
make it kind of like,

411
00:27:45.200 --> 00:27:47.920
help increase our understanding in other words,

412
00:27:47.920 --> 00:27:52.920
is that self-hatred is also pride.

413
00:27:55.400 --> 00:28:00.400
Because it's saying that our opinion of ourselves

414
00:28:01.080 --> 00:28:05.200
is more important than what God says that we are

415
00:28:05.200 --> 00:28:07.000
and who God says we are.

416
00:28:07.000 --> 00:28:10.600
So it's a very odd, surprising way to kind of look at it.

417
00:28:10.600 --> 00:28:11.520
And then you can think of it

418
00:28:11.520 --> 00:28:13.480
as like the pride of self-hatred,

419
00:28:14.400 --> 00:28:17.040
is kind of like a little phrase of like,

420
00:28:17.040 --> 00:28:18.920
oh, that's what that is.

421
00:28:18.920 --> 00:28:23.920
And self-hatred is absolutely something

422
00:28:24.320 --> 00:28:26.640
that can be overcome.

423
00:28:26.640 --> 00:28:30.440
And you just, again, we have to choose as our reality.

424
00:28:30.440 --> 00:28:33.440
Well, yeah, but who does he say that I am?

425
00:28:33.440 --> 00:28:36.200
Remember, we can't convince ourselves.

426
00:28:36.200 --> 00:28:39.080
So when you're looking at your body, for instance,

427
00:28:39.080 --> 00:28:40.960
because that's the practical exercise

428
00:28:40.960 --> 00:28:44.080
that you've chosen to go through, which I think is great.

429
00:28:44.080 --> 00:28:46.480
I love how you're choosing practical ways

430
00:28:46.880 --> 00:28:48.600
to act out your faith.

431
00:28:48.600 --> 00:28:51.040
You're like, no, if I'm choosing that this is true,

432
00:28:51.040 --> 00:28:53.080
what would I do?

433
00:28:53.080 --> 00:28:54.400
I do this.

434
00:28:54.400 --> 00:28:56.480
So, you know, you act on it.

435
00:28:56.480 --> 00:28:59.120
And so anyway, when you're looking at yourself,

436
00:28:59.120 --> 00:29:04.120
remember that you're not trying to love your body for,

437
00:29:08.440 --> 00:29:10.280
I don't want, how should I,

438
00:29:10.280 --> 00:29:12.360
you're not willing to look at your body

439
00:29:12.360 --> 00:29:14.040
and then look at all the things that you like

440
00:29:14.040 --> 00:29:16.200
and look at all the things that you don't like

441
00:29:16.800 --> 00:29:21.800
and trying to like it because of those things.

442
00:29:21.800 --> 00:29:26.800
So that is a hard one to try to like ourselves in,

443
00:29:28.680 --> 00:29:32.040
you know, if that's a really hard like circumstance.

444
00:29:32.040 --> 00:29:34.120
I think that's what I'm trying to do.

445
00:29:34.120 --> 00:29:35.000
Yeah, right.

446
00:29:35.000 --> 00:29:35.880
Because it's like, yeah,

447
00:29:35.880 --> 00:29:37.920
but I don't want to like that thing.

448
00:29:37.920 --> 00:29:40.240
I don't like it, you know?

449
00:29:40.240 --> 00:29:42.080
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

450
00:29:42.080 --> 00:29:44.160
So the thing is, again,

451
00:29:44.560 --> 00:29:48.360
what we're trying to do then is we're keep thinking

452
00:29:48.360 --> 00:29:50.400
that we're supposed to get,

453
00:29:50.400 --> 00:29:55.400
that we're supposed to give approval for acting out.

454
00:29:55.520 --> 00:29:57.840
Like say, for instance, the body is like acting out.

455
00:29:57.840 --> 00:30:00.640
It's throwing a temper tantrum and now it looks like this.

456
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:01.920
you know, or it's trying to protect itself.

457
00:30:01.920 --> 00:30:05.640
And this is the modality that it chose.

458
00:30:05.640 --> 00:30:06.920
You know, this is how it chose to do.

459
00:30:06.920 --> 00:30:09.280
It chose to add fat here and fat there and whatever.

460
00:30:09.280 --> 00:30:11.560
And like, Hey, look, I don't like your actions.

461
00:30:11.560 --> 00:30:13.640
I don't like the decision that you made.

462
00:30:13.640 --> 00:30:15.680
I don't like how, what it resulted in.

463
00:30:16.080 --> 00:30:19.760
And we keep thinking that we're supposed to go from.

464
00:30:20.280 --> 00:30:21.440
I don't like it too.

465
00:30:21.480 --> 00:30:22.480
Oh, I like it.

466
00:30:22.600 --> 00:30:24.360
And no wonder we have a hard time.

467
00:30:24.920 --> 00:30:26.480
You don't have to like it.

468
00:30:26.960 --> 00:30:29.320
You don't have to like what happened.

469
00:30:29.320 --> 00:30:34.400
You don't have to like how it, you know, like the roles and the curves here and

470
00:30:34.400 --> 00:30:35.760
there that you didn't plan on.

471
00:30:35.760 --> 00:30:38.600
And, you know, you don't have to overcome that.

472
00:30:38.600 --> 00:30:45.600
You don't have to change your sense of, of what you prefer or what you like or

473
00:30:45.600 --> 00:30:47.640
what you think is attractive or what you want.

474
00:30:47.640 --> 00:30:48.680
You don't have to change that.

475
00:30:48.680 --> 00:30:53.040
What you do is you have to look deeper than the outcome.

476
00:30:53.040 --> 00:30:54.080
Like what happened?

477
00:30:54.080 --> 00:30:57.000
Well, I got a bulge here and I got a bulge there.

478
00:30:57.360 --> 00:30:59.480
Well, that's not your body.

479
00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:03.240
That's not the essence of your body.

480
00:31:03.560 --> 00:31:06.680
Your body isn't what happened.

481
00:31:06.960 --> 00:31:12.120
Your body is the thing that, that caused what happened.

482
00:31:12.640 --> 00:31:18.800
In other words, that gave the instruction to the two different parts of you to start

483
00:31:18.800 --> 00:31:24.840
storing fat here and to start storing fat there and to make the decision to do that

484
00:31:24.840 --> 00:31:26.320
and whatever, that's your body.

485
00:31:26.520 --> 00:31:31.080
It's an entity that in a manner of speaking has a will.

486
00:31:32.720 --> 00:31:38.840
So think of it like our body in a manner of speaking has a will, our soul has a

487
00:31:38.840 --> 00:31:42.760
will, and peoples even say that our spirit has a will.

488
00:31:43.480 --> 00:31:48.880
In other words, all of them have ability, have a, have a sense of self that can

489
00:31:48.880 --> 00:31:55.200
make a decision, you know, the body reflects the, okay, it's not the same

490
00:31:55.240 --> 00:31:59.640
thing, but let it, this is the only thing that's kind of coming to mind, kind of

491
00:31:59.640 --> 00:32:00.440
like that.

492
00:32:00.440 --> 00:32:04.080
So I know it might be hard for us to think of like the body is having a will, but

493
00:32:04.080 --> 00:32:08.640
think of it similar to the fact that, especially if it's not the decision

494
00:32:08.640 --> 00:32:13.160
making aspect of us, the decision making aspect of it is I personally believe I

495
00:32:13.160 --> 00:32:16.320
could very well be wrong, but I personally believe it's in the soul.

496
00:32:16.560 --> 00:32:18.360
A lot of people believe it is in the soul.

497
00:32:18.400 --> 00:32:20.480
It may not be, it really doesn't matter.

498
00:32:20.640 --> 00:32:24.120
The point is the general idea of it gets us where we're wanting to go.

499
00:32:24.720 --> 00:32:30.240
And so, um, and so the thing is that, uh, it's hard for us to think, okay, well, if

500
00:32:30.240 --> 00:32:35.040
the decision making part of us is in the soul and, and that's kind of like the

501
00:32:35.040 --> 00:32:38.400
gatekeeper of like, what is going to come down from the spirit and what is going to

502
00:32:38.400 --> 00:32:42.920
be locked up and we're not going to give access to the spirit and that, well, if

503
00:32:42.920 --> 00:32:48.160
that's the gatekeeper, well then our body apparently just takes orders and is kind

504
00:32:48.160 --> 00:32:53.040
of a robot, but our, our body is not, it's more than a robot.

505
00:32:53.440 --> 00:32:59.120
Same thing, like sometimes we think, uh, so think of a body relationship to the

506
00:32:59.120 --> 00:33:04.760
soul, and I really don't want to use this, this example, but just work with me here.

507
00:33:04.760 --> 00:33:10.880
And let's see if it's helpful is similar to kind of like a dog compared to us.

508
00:33:11.560 --> 00:33:17.280
It has a soul, but it can't be saved, but it has a soul.

509
00:33:17.360 --> 00:33:20.400
It can, it can decide whether or not to obey us and whether or not it likes

510
00:33:20.400 --> 00:33:22.080
us and whether or not it trusts us.

511
00:33:22.360 --> 00:33:22.880
Right.

512
00:33:23.360 --> 00:33:26.120
So, but, so it's kind of the same thing.

513
00:33:26.320 --> 00:33:33.280
It's like the body actually has a sense of, of like self that is meant to

514
00:33:33.280 --> 00:33:35.680
function in a particular way.

515
00:33:36.160 --> 00:33:38.200
And it tends to take instruction.

516
00:33:38.240 --> 00:33:41.680
It tends to look at the soul and wonder, okay, how am I supposed to reflect that?

517
00:33:41.680 --> 00:33:42.000
Okay.

518
00:33:42.000 --> 00:33:44.840
I'll reflect that, you know, so what are we believing today?

519
00:33:44.840 --> 00:33:45.320
Soul.

520
00:33:45.360 --> 00:33:45.640
Okay.

521
00:33:45.640 --> 00:33:48.440
So I can express that into the physical realm.

522
00:33:48.760 --> 00:33:52.800
So it, so, um, it's more than just a robot.

523
00:33:52.800 --> 00:33:56.560
I don't think that the body is something that this, that has all these levers

524
00:33:56.800 --> 00:33:58.880
that the soul is pulling.

525
00:33:59.520 --> 00:34:02.600
I think that the body kind of has its own sense of self.

526
00:34:03.520 --> 00:34:05.040
I know that that might sound really weird.

527
00:34:05.040 --> 00:34:07.640
And I hope that this is coming across the way I mean it.

528
00:34:07.680 --> 00:34:10.880
I don't mean like the body is different than the soul and different from the

529
00:34:10.880 --> 00:34:13.880
spirit and the fact that they each can be saved, you know, because there are

530
00:34:13.880 --> 00:34:15.320
three different people or something.

531
00:34:15.679 --> 00:34:16.679
I don't mean that.

532
00:34:16.840 --> 00:34:20.920
I just mean, remember that your body hears you.

533
00:34:21.920 --> 00:34:25.120
It hears you as an entity spoken directly.

534
00:34:25.159 --> 00:34:29.800
It, in other words, it can be directly addressed separate from the soul.

535
00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:31.280
It can be directly addressed.

536
00:34:31.320 --> 00:34:32.239
That's my point.

537
00:34:32.639 --> 00:34:34.440
You can call it by name.

538
00:34:35.120 --> 00:34:38.639
Think of your spirit, your soul, and your body all having different names.

539
00:34:39.600 --> 00:34:42.880
It has a name that it, that it comes attention to.

540
00:34:43.280 --> 00:34:44.880
That's what I'm trying to say.

541
00:34:45.080 --> 00:34:48.719
So I hope none of this sounded too weird because I was really just basically

542
00:34:48.840 --> 00:34:52.159
trying to create pictures with my words.

543
00:34:52.440 --> 00:34:55.159
And I'm not trying to like, give you some doctrine.

544
00:34:57.680 --> 00:34:59.280
So the body, you know,

545
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.880
It's just kind of see it like that, see it as something that has a right to be acknowledged

546
00:35:04.880 --> 00:35:11.440
on its own. That's what I'm trying to say. It has a right, it has a voice, it matters,

547
00:35:11.440 --> 00:35:20.160
it has value. And so that thing, address that thing, love that thing, accept that thing.

548
00:35:20.800 --> 00:35:26.240
It's the thing that's making the decisions about whether it should store fat or not,

549
00:35:26.960 --> 00:35:32.880
or whether it should send water to the brain or blood to the heart. The body collectively,

550
00:35:32.880 --> 00:35:39.840
it's remember that all of your cells are living organisms, not organisms, but they're living

551
00:35:39.840 --> 00:35:46.960
things. They actually have life in them, meaning that they emanate light, by the way. But anyway,

552
00:35:46.960 --> 00:35:53.920
I digress. Point is that it really, your body really is a living thing. And then all of the

553
00:35:53.920 --> 00:36:01.440
aspects of you, like all of the cells in your body are living. So that makes up your whole

554
00:36:01.440 --> 00:36:08.240
body. And it's with all of it, it's always reading the instructions and the DNA, and then carrying

555
00:36:08.240 --> 00:36:14.320
them out and deciding, are we under threat or not? Okay, being under threat, what are we going to do?

556
00:36:14.320 --> 00:36:20.000
Say for instance, if your body is under threat, you might eat more, but somebody else's body

557
00:36:20.000 --> 00:36:27.200
that's under threat, they eat less. And then they go down to a scarecrow. So even though we have,

558
00:36:27.200 --> 00:36:33.120
even though our bodies operate according to certain physics, they make different decisions.

559
00:36:35.600 --> 00:36:40.240
Now I'm sure some of those decisions are our souls, but the point is that the body is,

560
00:36:40.960 --> 00:36:47.360
is, I don't know, it, it, it, that's what I'm, my point is I'm trying to, to kind of help,

561
00:36:48.240 --> 00:36:54.800
kind of create this understanding that the body is this entity that needs to be accepted,

562
00:36:55.520 --> 00:37:02.240
not all of the, everything about you, like, oh, this bulge here and this bulge there. And

563
00:37:02.240 --> 00:37:06.240
oh my goodness, I'm supposed to like it and accept it. No, you don't have to like it,

564
00:37:06.240 --> 00:37:10.560
but you have to accept the body that made the decision to put it there because it thought it

565
00:37:10.560 --> 00:37:17.440
was, because it was afraid. There was a reason why it did what it did. So you don't have to approve

566
00:37:17.440 --> 00:37:24.240
of its decisions, but it needs to know from you that you fully in love and accept it regardless

567
00:37:24.240 --> 00:37:31.120
of the decisions it's been making. That's, does that make sense? It makes sense.

568
00:37:32.080 --> 00:37:38.160
Hmm. That there's something there that I'm not accepting because I actually don't live very

569
00:37:38.160 --> 00:37:45.200
unhealthy. I live pretty healthy. So there's what, it's one weird that I would put on weight and it

570
00:37:45.200 --> 00:37:51.600
gathers in just one spot. So I think that there is like, like you're saying,

571
00:37:54.560 --> 00:37:58.240
there is something that there is something that it's not.

572
00:38:01.200 --> 00:38:08.480
That it is afraid or it feels under threat. It's an emotional reaction based off of what

573
00:38:08.480 --> 00:38:13.600
soul is believing. It's like storing up something because if I could see that I lived very

574
00:38:13.600 --> 00:38:19.120
unhealthily, like there would be, but the thing is like for me to lose weight, if, and I have been,

575
00:38:20.000 --> 00:38:26.640
I have to live extremely disciplined in a way that most people can't live and I can't either.

576
00:38:27.440 --> 00:38:30.960
So, and I, and I'm thinking that's not how God created us to live.

577
00:38:31.680 --> 00:38:38.000
And so if I eat very little and watch everything I eat, I will lose. And then I can do that for

578
00:38:38.000 --> 00:38:43.920
half a year and then I can't, and then I eat normal and, and so it's just like something

579
00:38:43.920 --> 00:38:51.840
out of balance and it makes sense that you're saying that, that there is an entity higher

580
00:38:51.840 --> 00:38:58.400
or like, that is like leading the body or takes, or like makes commands to the body

581
00:38:58.400 --> 00:39:05.680
that is not feeling safe. So then it goes into, Oh, I need to preserve this. And if you eat normal,

582
00:39:06.880 --> 00:39:10.880
like you have to live on minimum. And if not, you will, I don't know, there's something there.

583
00:39:12.000 --> 00:39:19.680
Yeah, yeah, exactly. And so, and, and whether that's, and a lot of what you're talking about

584
00:39:20.240 --> 00:39:27.600
is really in the, um, is really beliefs that the soul and the body are holding, you know,

585
00:39:27.600 --> 00:39:32.160
about the fact that they're abandoned, they're alone, they've got a, there's all of this stress.

586
00:39:32.160 --> 00:39:38.240
And so therefore they have to preserve and they have to fight. They have to be ready after

587
00:39:38.240 --> 00:39:47.120
whatever. And it's, it's, it's stronger than the laws of physics, because you're saying, Hey, look,

588
00:39:47.120 --> 00:39:52.960
I'm not eating very much. And my body is using that little bit to gain weight.

589
00:39:53.920 --> 00:39:59.840
You know, like that scientifically should not be going on, you know, and it's because.

590
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:09.600
it's being triggered by it's, it's the, it's emotional response is overpowering its physical

591
00:40:09.600 --> 00:40:15.840
response. You know, in other words, following the laws of physics, it's, it's actually reacting

592
00:40:15.840 --> 00:40:25.280
more to your beliefs than, than, than what physics then instead of following so much,

593
00:40:25.280 --> 00:40:29.040
the laws of physics, so to speak, it's a little more. A little different than that,

594
00:40:29.040 --> 00:40:34.400
but that's kind of the general idea. So the thing is, it just kind of, you know, it's evidence

595
00:40:34.400 --> 00:40:42.240
that we are you know, that we're more than obviously just this physical

596
00:40:43.440 --> 00:40:53.200
response system, but that our body actually is making decisions off of what it is that our soul

597
00:40:53.200 --> 00:41:01.200
is believing. What is our soul allowing and coming into agreement with related to the,

598
00:41:01.200 --> 00:41:06.240
related to the spirit? And then is the body going to come into submission with that as well?

599
00:41:07.360 --> 00:41:14.080
So, but yeah, so anyway, that is the thing that, that you want to unconditionally love and accept.

600
00:41:14.960 --> 00:41:24.160
So is the entity that we call the body. That's what you're wanting to accept. That's what you're

601
00:41:24.160 --> 00:41:33.120
wanting to unconditionally love and just fully accept and not require it to be any different

602
00:41:33.760 --> 00:41:40.480
than what it is and what it believes. And the fact that it's afraid and the fact that it's mad

603
00:41:40.880 --> 00:41:47.520
and the fact that whatever you just love it, it doesn't mean that you agree with all of its

604
00:41:47.520 --> 00:41:54.880
decisions and how it's coming to those conclusions, but you love it unconditionally. And in order to

605
00:41:54.880 --> 00:41:59.840
prove it to the body that you really do love it unconditionally, regardless of its decisions that

606
00:41:59.840 --> 00:42:06.000
it's making in order to protect, in order to, you know, in an out of fear and out of anger and all

607
00:42:06.000 --> 00:42:13.120
of that, in order to prove that you have to be a safe space to, to fully accept it, even in the

608
00:42:13.120 --> 00:42:20.800
state of fear, the state of extra weight, the state of, you know, ultra protection that it's

609
00:42:20.800 --> 00:42:29.200
exuding where it's trying to protect itself from you. You have to fully love and accept it being

610
00:42:29.200 --> 00:42:35.360
like that. It doesn't mean that you agree with its decision. You have to love and accept that body,

611
00:42:35.360 --> 00:42:42.240
meaning like the entity of it, even though it's acting like it is, then it will realize, oh,

612
00:42:42.800 --> 00:42:47.440
so you really are serious. You really are accepting me for who I am because I am showing up

613
00:42:48.000 --> 00:42:52.640
in all the ways that you don't want me to show up. And you say that I don't have to be like this

614
00:42:52.640 --> 00:42:57.040
and you're not requiring me to change anymore. Maybe I actually am safe with you.

615
00:42:58.640 --> 00:43:03.040
And then therefore, because your body is not acting according to the way that God intended

616
00:43:03.040 --> 00:43:08.480
it to function. And so therefore it takes a lot of effort for your body to operate the way that

617
00:43:08.480 --> 00:43:16.000
it's operating because it's not natural. So it requires a lot of energy, meaning like it's not

618
00:43:16.000 --> 00:43:21.360
natural to the way that God made it, you know, cause he made it to function in response to

619
00:43:22.160 --> 00:43:27.440
being protected and provided for and it not having to do it. It's simply living,

620
00:43:28.400 --> 00:43:34.640
it simply getting to live and bask in the enjoyment of being taken care of.

621
00:43:35.440 --> 00:43:40.400
That is, and then it has all of its jobs and functionality that are intended to operate

622
00:43:40.960 --> 00:43:47.760
under being taken care of, not with this extra responsibility of now having to take care of

623
00:43:47.760 --> 00:43:55.120
itself too. That's not usual. I mean, that's not the way that God intended it. So when it's having

624
00:43:55.120 --> 00:44:00.080
to start protecting itself because it's afraid and it thinks it's abandoned and that nobody else

625
00:44:00.080 --> 00:44:04.640
is going to take care of it, meaning like the soul's not going to take care of it or the spirit's

626
00:44:04.640 --> 00:44:08.880
not going to take care of it or whatever. So it's just like, okay, you know, batting down the hatches

627
00:44:10.000 --> 00:44:16.640
me. I'm not, I wasn't equipped me as body. I wasn't equipped to make these kinds of decisions.

628
00:44:17.360 --> 00:44:23.440
So therefore I'm immature in making these decisions. Okay. What's the best thing I

629
00:44:23.440 --> 00:44:29.680
can come up with? Okay. Uh, start storing fat because that's what we do in order to store up

630
00:44:29.680 --> 00:44:36.880
for the winter. So, or if, if someone is going into starvation mode in order to keep the body

631
00:44:36.880 --> 00:44:44.240
as alive, as long as possible. So we're under emotional stress, therefore high alert. Okay.

632
00:44:44.240 --> 00:44:50.000
The only protection mode I know is putting on weight. I mean, just think about it. Does putting

633
00:44:50.000 --> 00:44:55.840
on weight related to stress make any sense whatsoever? No, it just, it doesn't, it doesn't

634
00:44:55.840 --> 00:44:59.760
make any sense. It can't putting on weight, extra weight doesn't protect us.

635
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.520
stress. Extra weight can protect us from cold. Extra weight cannot protect us from stress. So

636
00:45:05.520 --> 00:45:11.600
what on earth is it? It's the only protection mode that the body knows. So that's what it goes into.

637
00:45:12.560 --> 00:45:17.200
So the thing is, it doesn't know what it's doing. It wasn't created to have to function like that.

638
00:45:17.200 --> 00:45:22.560
It wasn't created to have to make those serious, heavy decisions like that. That was the spirit's

639
00:45:22.560 --> 00:45:27.760
responsibility. So anyway, the body's just doing what it knows how to do. So you have to come in

640
00:45:27.760 --> 00:45:33.440
and prove to it by loving and accepting it just the way, even while it's being all of that. And

641
00:45:33.440 --> 00:45:39.200
then it'll finally realize, oh, you mean I can go back to my natural default state where I didn't

642
00:45:39.200 --> 00:45:44.960
have to protect myself and I could go back to my normal everyday functions because I don't have to

643
00:45:44.960 --> 00:45:49.920
abandon those because I now have this additional one called protecting myself. Now that someone

644
00:45:49.920 --> 00:45:55.200
else is willing to protect me, I can do my normal thing that God created, meaning I now no longer

645
00:45:55.200 --> 00:46:00.640
need this bat. I no longer need this. I no longer need that. And it starts functioning the way that

646
00:46:00.640 --> 00:46:06.080
God always intended it to now that it's no longer carrying the extra load of protecting itself.

647
00:46:07.760 --> 00:46:12.640
So it finally feels safe enough with you to give up that job of having to protect itself.

648
00:46:14.080 --> 00:46:20.240
That's why all of these things kind of happen. And, and then, so I, so is it more clear about

649
00:46:20.240 --> 00:46:24.720
what I'm talking about when I say the actual entity of the body itself is the thing that

650
00:46:24.720 --> 00:46:31.200
you're looking to accept? I'm not fully getting it, I think, but I'm getting the concept of making

651
00:46:31.200 --> 00:46:37.440
instructions and there's something bigger than just the body that I look at and like, or not like,

652
00:46:37.440 --> 00:46:43.440
there's something in it that gives instructions to it. So it's not about liking what you didn't

653
00:46:43.440 --> 00:46:50.800
like, like you said, but it's like talking to the body as an entity and to the part of the body that

654
00:46:50.800 --> 00:46:57.120
makes the decisions, not like the certain body parts. And like, I like you, but I don't really

655
00:46:57.120 --> 00:47:03.280
like you. Correct. It's the entity of the body itself. So think of it, think of yourself, maybe

656
00:47:03.280 --> 00:47:08.160
this will help, but always remember when you're doing this, you have to shift into the spirit,

657
00:47:08.160 --> 00:47:13.280
because if you don't shift into the spirit, your body doesn't have any king to respond to,

658
00:47:13.840 --> 00:47:17.680
you know, any king, any son of God to respond to, and that's what you're wanting it to do.

659
00:47:17.680 --> 00:47:23.040
You're wanting it to respond to a son of God, because that's what it was created to respond to.

660
00:47:23.040 --> 00:47:26.960
So that's the thing that'll keep it safe. And that's the only thing that can love it

661
00:47:26.960 --> 00:47:33.120
unconditionally. So you have to shift into your spirit. And remember, do that by doing things like,

662
00:47:33.120 --> 00:47:38.480
you know, going through the identity exercise where you tell, where you say, you know, Jesus,

663
00:47:38.480 --> 00:47:43.120
you know, I was taken out of you. And I believe I've been inserted back into you and I abide in

664
00:47:43.120 --> 00:47:46.800
you and you abide in me and we abide in the father and the father abides in us. And therefore I'm

665
00:47:46.800 --> 00:47:51.840
always about my father's business. Okay. All of a sudden I remember who I am. And then from that

666
00:47:51.840 --> 00:47:58.560
place that love your body, you know, and fully accept your body kind of like, you know, that,

667
00:47:59.200 --> 00:48:05.360
did you watch the healing your soul through your spirit? Did you watch my video on that,

668
00:48:05.360 --> 00:48:11.440
that I posted? Did you post it recently? Yes. Yeah, I did. So I'm sorry.

669
00:48:12.160 --> 00:48:17.680
You watch it, but I will watch it. Okay. So in it, I talk about a vision that I had

670
00:48:17.680 --> 00:48:23.280
and, and in the vision, I saw all three parts of the person. I saw their body, I saw their soul,

671
00:48:23.280 --> 00:48:30.400
and I saw their spirit and I watched how they interacted. And anyway, that it's, it's a,

672
00:48:30.400 --> 00:48:36.240
so think again about, so anyway, I think that that'll be helpful. I think that Diana mentioned

673
00:48:36.240 --> 00:48:42.320
on the fireside chat, she's watched it five times, you know, and then Tammy says she's watched it at

674
00:48:43.440 --> 00:48:49.680
at least once and may have watched it multiple times by now. And so anyway, my point is that

675
00:48:49.680 --> 00:48:57.520
that might help. And when you, and in it, I kind of talk about how a spirit presents itself to

676
00:48:58.240 --> 00:49:04.880
the body or to a, in, in that particular vision, it was a wound, but, oh yeah, I know.

677
00:49:06.240 --> 00:49:14.080
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've listened to it several times. Oh, okay. Well, good. I thought

678
00:49:14.080 --> 00:49:19.440
it was helpful. So anyway, just holds the wound and all of that. And just, and he doesn't even

679
00:49:19.440 --> 00:49:25.040
say anything. He doesn't fix it. He doesn't tape it. He didn't glue it. He just holds it

680
00:49:25.040 --> 00:49:31.760
and he presents who he is. And then the heart is like, oh, oh, so you're here. So that's who I am

681
00:49:31.760 --> 00:49:37.840
because the, the, the wound identified itself. In other words, the part of the person that was

682
00:49:37.840 --> 00:49:46.560
hurting, that's the wound identified itself. In other words, God is identity from the son of God.

683
00:49:46.560 --> 00:49:53.040
So in other words, it didn't know who he was until, because who he is, is based off of who the

684
00:49:53.040 --> 00:49:59.760
that person that, who that son of God is, you know, a son of God.

685
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.080
the son of God, Jesus, you know, but you know, then, then the

686
00:50:04.080 --> 00:50:07.720
woman was like, Oh, if that's who you are, then that's who I

687
00:50:07.720 --> 00:50:11.560
am. I can't identify myself until I know you. And now that I

688
00:50:11.560 --> 00:50:14.640
know, you know, I knew me. So that's what it was. And that

689
00:50:14.640 --> 00:50:18.360
healed it. Because this, this, you know, the spirit man, you

690
00:50:18.360 --> 00:50:21.340
could just tell it and then the soul, the wound is just like,

691
00:50:21.340 --> 00:50:24.240
Oh, that's all I needed. And then of course, you know, the

692
00:50:24.240 --> 00:50:26.880
soul is looking on is like, Oh, apparently, that's how you do

693
00:50:26.880 --> 00:50:30.760
it, because it didn't know. And, and now why was I telling

694
00:50:30.760 --> 00:50:33.000
you all of that I was talking about? Oh, maybe I was talking

695
00:50:33.000 --> 00:50:36.840
about like, how to talk to it? Oh, yes. Okay. So in shifting

696
00:50:36.880 --> 00:50:42.040
into the, so you want to shift into the spirit, because it's

697
00:50:42.040 --> 00:50:46.000
the spirit man that needs to love on, you know, this, the

698
00:50:46.000 --> 00:50:53.040
soul and the body. And when you, and then, sorry, I lost my

699
00:50:53.040 --> 00:50:56.040
train of thought. And then when you do that, what is it? Oh,

700
00:50:56.040 --> 00:50:59.840
that's what it was. Okay. So when remember that when you're

701
00:50:59.840 --> 00:51:03.000
standing there looking at your body, you're probably thinking,

702
00:51:03.040 --> 00:51:08.040
Oh, that's me, I recognize me. That's the problem. shift into

703
00:51:08.040 --> 00:51:11.240
your spirit, you know, by doing that exercise, if that's what's

704
00:51:11.240 --> 00:51:13.760
helpful, or maybe you don't even you're so used to it. Now you

705
00:51:13.760 --> 00:51:16.760
don't even need to do the exercise. And you remember you

706
00:51:16.760 --> 00:51:23.200
are. And then that thing, that being that spirit, look at your

707
00:51:23.200 --> 00:51:28.720
body, that body is not your identity, but it is part of you,

708
00:51:28.880 --> 00:51:32.920
because your spirit, your soul and your body, but that body is

709
00:51:32.920 --> 00:51:36.640
not your identity. So think of it just to kind of help

710
00:51:36.640 --> 00:51:40.760
yourself in how to like love it or think of it as like an entity

711
00:51:40.760 --> 00:51:46.040
or whatever, separate yourself from your body, as if it's like

712
00:51:46.040 --> 00:51:51.400
that wound or whatever. And it needs you to love it and accept

713
00:51:51.400 --> 00:51:57.480
it and affirm it like a parent. So do so because if you're in

714
00:51:57.480 --> 00:51:59.720
your body, looking at yourself in the mirror, and you're

715
00:51:59.720 --> 00:52:03.000
thinking, Oh, that's me, I'm trying to love me, that's really

716
00:52:03.000 --> 00:52:08.000
hard. Especially if you're trying to find what it that what

717
00:52:08.000 --> 00:52:12.720
is the thing inside, inside all of those curves and all side of

718
00:52:12.720 --> 00:52:15.560
those that fat that I don't like and all of the whatever it is

719
00:52:15.560 --> 00:52:21.120
I'm seeing what's in there, we keep finding me. But remember,

720
00:52:21.120 --> 00:52:24.880
your sense of me is what needs to love it. So to kind of like

721
00:52:24.880 --> 00:52:28.400
help yourself shift into your spirit and think of your body as

722
00:52:28.400 --> 00:52:32.160
separate from you. It's not separate from you. But think of

723
00:52:32.160 --> 00:52:36.160
it like this separate aspect of you that needs to be loved on as

724
00:52:36.160 --> 00:52:41.200
if it's a child. And maybe that'll help, you know, kind of

725
00:52:41.200 --> 00:52:47.120
like zero in on loving that woman standing in front of you,

726
00:52:47.400 --> 00:52:51.280
loving not just the woman as if like her person, it not the

727
00:52:51.280 --> 00:52:55.840
personality, the body, the actual body, that actual

728
00:52:55.840 --> 00:52:59.320
physical body that has that head and that shoulder and you know,

729
00:52:59.320 --> 00:53:05.640
and the legs and all of that, that body right there. And love

730
00:53:05.640 --> 00:53:10.120
that thing, you know, love it and it's send out love to it,

731
00:53:10.160 --> 00:53:13.720
love it as if it's another person, you know, you just send

732
00:53:13.720 --> 00:53:18.320
out love to it, love on it and be for it. In other words, be

733
00:53:18.320 --> 00:53:21.840
for that aspect of yourself, your body, what you've always

734
00:53:21.840 --> 00:53:25.240
wanted is someone to be for you, what you've always wanted to

735
00:53:25.280 --> 00:53:29.040
someone to believe about you and affirm you in and love you

736
00:53:29.040 --> 00:53:32.960
unconditionally in where no matter how you acted out, you

737
00:53:32.960 --> 00:53:39.960
could be fully accepted and not even be required to, to

738
00:53:40.560 --> 00:53:46.080
apologize, in order to be still be allowed to be at the table

739
00:53:46.080 --> 00:53:53.400
and have just the same amount of connection as, as before you

740
00:53:53.400 --> 00:53:57.480
did it, you know, that kind of a thing, fully love and accept it

741
00:53:57.480 --> 00:54:01.040
in whatever state that it's presenting itself. And know that

742
00:54:01.040 --> 00:54:05.720
it's that it's, it's just scared. It just doesn't know

743
00:54:05.720 --> 00:54:09.240
it's believing a lie. And what it's doing is it's thinking

744
00:54:09.240 --> 00:54:14.040
everybody else is wrong. So I have to figure out what to do.

745
00:54:14.080 --> 00:54:18.000
That's right. And that's protect myself, everybody else is being

746
00:54:18.000 --> 00:54:21.800
mean to me, everybody else, including God is attacking me.

747
00:54:22.000 --> 00:54:25.960
So I have to do the right thing by keeping all this together.

748
00:54:26.640 --> 00:54:30.040
Your body is trying to do the right thing. It's making the

749
00:54:30.040 --> 00:54:35.480
wrong choice. But its intention is trying to do the right thing.

750
00:54:35.800 --> 00:54:40.440
Love that thing. The poor thing is not trying to rebel. It's

751
00:54:40.440 --> 00:54:44.400
thinking it's making the right choice. It's self preserving.

752
00:54:44.600 --> 00:54:49.120
It's thinking God is the bad guy. And so it's thinking it's the

753
00:54:49.120 --> 00:54:52.480
only right guy. The body's the only right guys, but it's

754
00:54:52.920 --> 00:54:58.360
you depend on yourself. I need myself. Yeah, right. Because the

755
00:54:58.360 --> 00:55:00.040
world is not protecting me.

756
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:08.000
Exactly. God is, you know, my own spirit is me that it's so we can have a lot more compassion

757
00:55:08.640 --> 00:55:15.760
for it. If we, if we see that it's just trying to do the right thing, it's making the wrong decision,

758
00:55:16.800 --> 00:55:25.680
but it can't, it's hard. It's struggling to correct itself. Remember that it's the kindness

759
00:55:25.680 --> 00:55:31.520
of God that leads to repentance. So therefore it's a lot harder for the body to get over

760
00:55:32.400 --> 00:55:41.280
and to self-correct under condemnation and shame, but it can very easily and very quickly change

761
00:55:41.840 --> 00:55:48.480
under kindness. And we're the one that provides that kindness that it's never known. So if we tell

762
00:55:48.560 --> 00:55:56.160
it that it is safe, we have to prove it. We have to create a safe world for it, you know,

763
00:55:56.160 --> 00:56:02.000
by our spirit. I don't mean world is in like what happens to it. That is just what it is. You know,

764
00:56:02.000 --> 00:56:07.680
God helps us with that, but we have to provide a safe environment in which no matter what happens

765
00:56:07.680 --> 00:56:14.800
to it, the spirit will cover and protect it. We have to create the world in which that body

766
00:56:15.680 --> 00:56:20.160
gets to exist. In fact, that like, okay, no matter what happens to me, I have a sense of

767
00:56:20.160 --> 00:56:25.600
belonging. I know who I am. I'm protected. I'm provided for, even if this virus comes against

768
00:56:25.600 --> 00:56:33.040
me, even if this, I don't know, whatever comes against me, you know, but yeah, helpful.

769
00:56:34.000 --> 00:56:39.920
It's very helpful. Okay. Okay. And so you said you had something else.

770
00:56:40.720 --> 00:56:46.480
Yeah. This is really good. I think I need to watch it again, but it's like,

771
00:56:46.480 --> 00:56:53.440
I'm getting lots of like inputs. It's really good. But yes, the last thing was that I wanted

772
00:56:53.440 --> 00:57:00.160
to mention is I just felt that I wanted to mention it and I don't know what your thoughts are. So it

773
00:57:00.160 --> 00:57:05.360
wasn't like, Oh, I really need this. It was more like, I think I'm supposed to mention this. Okay.

774
00:57:06.000 --> 00:57:14.000
And it's like, I'm single. And I've prayed for my husband for many years.

775
00:57:15.200 --> 00:57:22.240
And there's something in it. I don't know. That's, I don't know if it's not released or I'm not

776
00:57:22.240 --> 00:57:32.960
really. I believe for many years that God has a husband for me. And he hasn't come. And I'm kind

777
00:57:32.960 --> 00:57:40.400
of like, I don't feel like I'm in resistance against, I'm more in the like, Oh, but I'm okay

778
00:57:40.400 --> 00:57:45.360
being single. I don't really miss it. I'll be okay. And then I'll have times where I really miss

779
00:57:45.360 --> 00:57:51.520
it, but I'm kind of independent. And I don't really, I don't really feel like I grieve a lot

780
00:57:51.520 --> 00:57:57.200
that I haven't had children or that I'm single, but I, there's something there that I believe is

781
00:57:57.200 --> 00:58:02.800
really important that I don't know if it's something that needs to switch in me, my heart,

782
00:58:02.800 --> 00:58:10.320
that I actually start longing for it and pray more earnestly for it, or believe God, maybe it is some

783
00:58:10.320 --> 00:58:15.920
kind of hopelessness, but I'm past 40 and it hasn't happened. And then I've kind of been like,

784
00:58:15.920 --> 00:58:21.840
Oh, but I can manage on my own. Kind of like with the body, I can protect myself. I can take care

785
00:58:21.840 --> 00:58:27.520
of myself. So I actually don't miss it until suddenly I'll be like, I really long for it.

786
00:58:27.520 --> 00:58:35.120
So there's some kind of, I don't know if it's a disconnect or if I'm not really honest or not in

787
00:58:35.120 --> 00:58:41.440
connection with myself or if I stopped believing God, but there's something about a husband that

788
00:58:41.440 --> 00:58:49.120
I believe is a promise, but then it's not happening. And I don't know if I, if the Lord

789
00:58:49.840 --> 00:58:54.080
wants me, like, you know, like you're starting to co-create with God. If there's something there

790
00:58:54.080 --> 00:58:58.640
that you need to take and co-creating meets also take more responsibility for your dreams

791
00:58:59.520 --> 00:59:04.240
in a way, like take more responsibility for something that I actually believe God spoke

792
00:59:04.240 --> 00:59:11.440
to me more than 20 years ago. There's something there that's kind of like unfinished or un,

793
00:59:12.160 --> 00:59:22.400
it's not resolved or fruitful. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So here's what is coming to mind. You can just

794
00:59:22.400 --> 00:59:29.040
take this as something to, you know, just kind of ping against your spirit, ask the Holy spirit,

795
00:59:29.040 --> 00:59:37.680
you know, Lord, you know, is this, is this true? Does this resonate? And that is, there's two

796
00:59:37.760 --> 00:59:50.960
different ways that we can, that we're acting in resistance to surrender. One is, and so this

797
00:59:50.960 --> 00:59:58.720
is what happened to me when I wasn't, when I wanted to be asked out, but I wasn't getting asked out.

798
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.000
And so as soon as I broke it, I was asked out that week.

799
01:00:05.000 --> 01:00:13.460
So Ed and I started dating that week, but a few days after I prayed this, this prayer.

800
01:00:13.460 --> 01:00:21.720
So anyway, what, uh, what can happen is we can either be holding tightly on to something

801
01:00:21.720 --> 01:00:25.400
because a lot of times, you know, when I've talked about the, how surrender really works.

802
01:00:25.400 --> 01:00:29.880
The example that I've used is as holding tightly onto something that we don't want to let go

803
01:00:30.600 --> 01:00:35.560
and we tell God, okay, God, you know, my, uh, you tell me to surrender.

804
01:00:35.560 --> 01:00:41.880
So, um, I, what I'm doing is I'm surrendering to you and I'm, therefore I'm giving you permission

805
01:00:41.880 --> 01:00:44.600
to come and rip this out of my hands and take it from me.

806
01:00:45.160 --> 01:00:50.760
And so we, we plan on fighting him tooth and nail, but if God wins, well then, okay, well,

807
01:00:50.760 --> 01:00:52.120
you know, I couldn't help it.

808
01:00:52.120 --> 01:00:53.640
I tried, I did my best, right.

809
01:00:54.200 --> 01:00:55.720
To, to hold on to it.

810
01:00:55.720 --> 01:01:01.480
But, uh, it is what we're thinking, but God's like, that's not surrender, but the other,

811
01:01:01.480 --> 01:01:05.160
you know, the surrender is doing what Abraham did, you know, and which I'll walk through

812
01:01:05.160 --> 01:01:05.880
in just a second.

813
01:01:05.880 --> 01:01:11.560
But the other way in which we resist is not where we're holding onto something, but rather

814
01:01:11.560 --> 01:01:15.160
that we've built a protective wall and we're not letting it in.

815
01:01:16.520 --> 01:01:17.880
I was like, Hey, I don't want it.

816
01:01:17.880 --> 01:01:20.760
I don't, I'm not asking you to give me something.

817
01:01:20.760 --> 01:01:24.040
I just want you to let me in.

818
01:01:24.040 --> 01:01:28.760
And so it's like a lack of, you know, speaking, coming full circle to the beginning of our

819
01:01:28.760 --> 01:01:31.480
conversation, you know, talking about vulnerability.

820
01:01:32.040 --> 01:01:38.920
It's that lack of vulnerability with the Lord or with, or, or openness and the vulnerability

821
01:01:38.920 --> 01:01:45.160
of our own heart to be risked or whatever, you know, go through the whole process or

822
01:01:45.160 --> 01:01:47.080
openness and vulnerability Lord or whatever.

823
01:01:47.080 --> 01:01:51.720
But the thing is we've got this protection up and we're like, okay, you know, God.

824
01:01:51.720 --> 01:01:55.320
And then in that instance, it's, it's, it's resistance.

825
01:01:55.320 --> 01:01:58.840
And so in that instance, we're like, okay, God, you're telling me to surrender.

826
01:01:58.840 --> 01:02:01.480
So I've got my wall and you're telling me to surrender.

827
01:02:01.480 --> 01:02:04.600
So, okay, Lord, you can break down the wall.

828
01:02:04.600 --> 01:02:05.800
I'm giving you permission.

829
01:02:06.360 --> 01:02:11.400
Well, what we're, even though God's love does break down our walls, it does that when we

830
01:02:11.400 --> 01:02:18.040
give them to him for him to break, but it's as a, but what we do is we're like, no, I

831
01:02:18.040 --> 01:02:23.240
intend to like uphold this thing as strong and as, you know, as hardy as I can.

832
01:02:23.880 --> 01:02:31.800
And I'm giving God permission to do his best to overcome me and overpower me.

833
01:02:32.680 --> 01:02:35.800
And therefore, what's the word?

834
01:02:35.800 --> 01:02:36.440
Oh, shoot.

835
01:02:36.440 --> 01:02:44.600
I forgot the word, but, but yeah, just overpower me and, and win and, oh, well, the walls came

836
01:02:44.600 --> 01:02:45.880
down and I did my best.

837
01:02:45.880 --> 01:02:47.720
And that's what we think surrender is.

838
01:02:48.440 --> 01:02:53.080
No, you've got, you've got to let down the wall and the whole let down the wall, you

839
01:02:53.080 --> 01:02:56.840
know, it's just really like, okay, stop, stop fighting against him.

840
01:02:57.720 --> 01:03:02.440
And then either put the wall down or for like, God, I can't, it's, it's the type of wall

841
01:03:02.440 --> 01:03:05.080
God that I can't put down.

842
01:03:05.080 --> 01:03:10.600
Then we bring ourselves to him and allow his love to topple it, but we can't be holding

843
01:03:10.600 --> 01:03:11.320
it up anymore.

844
01:03:11.320 --> 01:03:12.360
I mean, like not at all.

845
01:03:12.760 --> 01:03:19.800
Again, we take those walls to the altar, take our hands off and back up is what Abraham

846
01:03:19.800 --> 01:03:20.040
did.

847
01:03:20.040 --> 01:03:25.080
Cause remember that God talked to Abraham and all, you know, all he told him was, Hey,

848
01:03:25.080 --> 01:03:26.840
give me your son, Isaac.

849
01:03:26.840 --> 01:03:28.920
I want you to sacrifice your son, Isaac.

850
01:03:28.920 --> 01:03:30.520
That's what he told Abraham.

851
01:03:30.520 --> 01:03:31.880
Abraham did all the rest.

852
01:03:32.760 --> 01:03:37.320
He had to plan and make preparations to go on this long journey.

853
01:03:37.320 --> 01:03:40.840
Then who knows what he had to figure out how to tell Sarah.

854
01:03:40.840 --> 01:03:43.640
And then what he figured out to tell Isaac and all of the servants.

855
01:03:43.640 --> 01:03:48.040
And then he travels as a very old man for three days.

856
01:03:48.840 --> 01:03:55.160
And then, and then he, uh, and then he tells all of the, all of the servants to stay.

857
01:03:55.720 --> 01:04:00.920
And then he and Isaac are the last ones to get like the last bit again, as a very old

858
01:04:00.920 --> 01:04:07.320
man, he has to climb the mountain and then he, and, uh, and then he and Isaac go up the

859
01:04:07.720 --> 01:04:10.040
Mount Moriah and then build an altar.

860
01:04:10.040 --> 01:04:12.520
And, you know, and then he has to put his son on the altar.

861
01:04:13.640 --> 01:04:15.000
Abraham did everything.

862
01:04:15.800 --> 01:04:19.720
God asked him or commanded him or invited him.

863
01:04:19.720 --> 01:04:20.600
However you want to see it.

864
01:04:21.480 --> 01:04:22.440
He, he did that.

865
01:04:22.440 --> 01:04:26.520
He's like, this is what I invite you to, to, to have with me.

866
01:04:27.800 --> 01:04:30.600
And, uh, and I'm asking for your son, Isaac.

867
01:04:31.160 --> 01:04:35.160
And so Abraham is the one who did everything to get Isaac to him.

868
01:04:35.160 --> 01:04:36.280
And he was going to kill him.

869
01:04:36.280 --> 01:04:38.520
He lifted the knife above the body.

870
01:04:38.520 --> 01:04:42.680
It says, you know, like lifted it up right over his son.

871
01:04:42.680 --> 01:04:43.640
You know, it was going to kill him.

872
01:04:44.280 --> 01:04:46.520
And so that's what surrender is.

873
01:04:46.520 --> 01:04:54.360
Surrender is actually going is God inviting us, but us going through all of the effort.

874
01:04:54.360 --> 01:04:59.720
And by that, I don't mean sweat or anything, but us doing us actually doing the thing.

875
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:08.000
To take this thing that we love so much and put it on the altar, let go of it, and back off.

876
01:05:08.000 --> 01:05:11.000
Because that is finally acting on our faith.

877
01:05:11.000 --> 01:05:13.000
Is God safe or not?

878
01:05:13.000 --> 01:05:16.000
We're entrusting this with God.

879
01:05:16.000 --> 01:05:20.000
Like, okay, God, I choose you over this.

880
01:05:20.000 --> 01:05:25.000
So even if you burn this in the fire, I choose you over this.

881
01:05:25.000 --> 01:05:28.000
I completely give this up in order to have you.

882
01:05:28.000 --> 01:05:30.000
That's the trade that we're making.

883
01:05:30.000 --> 01:05:33.000
We're making a trade.

884
01:05:33.000 --> 01:05:40.000
And then, and so anyway, we're making that trade, and we're completely giving it up to the Lord.

885
01:05:40.000 --> 01:05:47.000
And what it is that we're doing is, or why that's so hard, I should say, is for the same reason that you've mentioned earlier.

886
01:05:47.000 --> 01:05:52.000
That when you, for instance, when we co-create with God, we have to take on a responsibility.

887
01:05:52.000 --> 01:05:57.000
It's the same thing with sacrifice or with, you know, this surrender.

888
01:05:57.000 --> 01:06:01.000
We feel like we're abandoning our baby.

889
01:06:01.000 --> 01:06:06.000
The baby wasn't kidnapped out of our control, and we did our best to try to protect it.

890
01:06:06.000 --> 01:06:11.000
There's no excuse.

891
01:06:11.000 --> 01:06:12.000
We don't have any excuse.

892
01:06:12.000 --> 01:06:20.000
If something bad happens to the thing that we loved when we gave it to the Lord, we don't have anyone to blame but ourselves.

893
01:06:20.000 --> 01:06:25.000
Because we're the ones who gave it to him and abandoned it.

894
01:06:25.000 --> 01:06:27.000
And that terrifies us.

895
01:06:27.000 --> 01:06:32.000
Because again, like you said, with co-creating, we have to take the responsibility.

896
01:06:32.000 --> 01:06:44.000
Now again, when something, when we give something to the Lord, that even though something could happen that we're like, well, that's not what I would have wanted or chosen or whatever, and we could call it bad.

897
01:06:44.000 --> 01:06:53.000
If we really know the Lord, what we're going to actually discover is no, by actually surrendering it to him, we actually got the good thing.

898
01:06:53.000 --> 01:07:00.000
Because whatever came out of that exchange is always better than what we gave up.

899
01:07:00.000 --> 01:07:06.000
Which is a deeper subject, which is like, what we're always giving up is flesh.

900
01:07:06.000 --> 01:07:18.000
And then what God does is in Christ, anything that we surrender to him always gets transformed into spirit and given back to us, and anything that is of spirit can never die.

901
01:07:18.000 --> 01:07:20.000
Only flesh can die, spirit cannot.

902
01:07:20.000 --> 01:07:29.000
So God always promises that anything, any flesh that dies in Christ or is surrendered to Christ, anything that we sacrifice, anything that we give up.

903
01:07:29.000 --> 01:07:39.000
So say, for instance, all of the things that you're protecting, the aspect of yourself that you're protecting, you know, your heart and all the possibilities of what could happen and the pain that could happen and whatever.

904
01:07:39.000 --> 01:07:44.000
And you entrust all of that to God.

905
01:07:44.000 --> 01:08:01.000
And then what's going to happen is God is going to replace all of the flesh that you gave him, all of that fear, all that fear of death, all of that fear of disappointment, all of that, whatever, he's going to change it to spirit.

906
01:08:01.000 --> 01:08:09.000
And in that aspect of you, that you surrender will never die again because it's been changed to spirit. It's no longer flesh, it's now spirit and it'll be eternal.

907
01:08:09.000 --> 01:08:17.000
And so that's a little, it's a little bit of a higher concept for us to even talk about that's even necessary to talk about right now.

908
01:08:17.000 --> 01:08:30.000
But I just couldn't help pulling out the whole point of when we actually do bring something to God, he always makes it better and eternal when it wasn't before.

909
01:08:30.000 --> 01:08:43.000
It was always subject to death before and now it's not, but we don't get to choose the form in which it's returned to us. What does it look like a spirit? How did we interact with the spirit, but it's always better.

910
01:08:43.000 --> 01:08:56.000
And so anyway, but it's really hard for us to actually risk that God really is, it can be entrusted with it, and that God really is that good.

911
01:08:57.000 --> 01:09:07.000
That's what we're risking. And we all know in concept that God's good, but then why don't we trust him more than we do? Why don't we give him all aspects of ourselves?

912
01:09:07.000 --> 01:09:14.000
Why do we keep saying no? Why do we keep being afraid? Why do we keep like trying to come up with reasons of why we haven't done it yet?

913
01:09:14.000 --> 01:09:25.000
It's because we don't actually believe it's true. So it's faith is risky. It's putting it, it's actually saying yes, when this whole time we've said no.

914
01:09:25.000 --> 01:09:34.000
And all everything that'll come as a result of finally saying yes, you know, actually surrendering all of that to the Lord and like, okay, God, I'm going to entrust you with it.

915
01:09:35.000 --> 01:09:48.000
I just, I, and if you say that you're good, I expect that you're good. And I expect that good will be that, that you will manifest yourself as good in your interaction with that thing.

916
01:09:48.000 --> 01:10:00.000
I just surrendered. And, but we, but good again, isn't determined by what happens. So God is good.

917
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.680
regardless of what happens. In fact, whatever happens is God

918
01:10:04.680 --> 01:10:09.600
being good. Whatever happens when you surrender is God being

919
01:10:09.600 --> 01:10:14.200
good. So, so anyway, but that's what it is that we're risking

920
01:10:14.200 --> 01:10:18.000
we're risking is God really who he says that he is. We're no

921
01:10:18.000 --> 01:10:24.840
longer the judge of what happens. I'm simply the observer

922
01:10:24.920 --> 01:10:28.920
and the third party beneficiary that gets to receive the

923
01:10:28.920 --> 01:10:36.520
blessing from what happens. That's a lot. I just gave you a

924
01:10:36.520 --> 01:10:36.760
lot.

925
01:10:41.960 --> 01:10:46.280
Did it at least resonate that sometimes we're in resistance

926
01:10:46.280 --> 01:10:49.120
when we don't feel like it and it's not that we're holding on

927
01:10:49.120 --> 01:10:52.480
to something. It's that we've got the walls up. You got the

928
01:10:52.480 --> 01:10:56.320
walls up against men or got the what got the walls up against

929
01:10:56.320 --> 01:11:01.480
vulnerability towards people or towards God or towards what if

930
01:11:01.480 --> 01:11:04.200
I date and date and date and then I just never marry. I mean,

931
01:11:04.360 --> 01:11:09.040
those are actual like fears that we subconsciously can have, you

932
01:11:09.040 --> 01:11:11.640
know, so whatever it is, you know, some kind of a protection

933
01:11:11.640 --> 01:11:17.080
that is that's another aspect of another manifestation of

934
01:11:17.080 --> 01:11:20.200
resistance. Another way in which we're resisting and we don't

935
01:11:20.200 --> 01:11:22.760
realize that because we're like, well, you know, I want to get

936
01:11:22.760 --> 01:11:27.000
married. I want to whatever Yes, but if there's an aspect of

937
01:11:27.000 --> 01:11:33.080
you that's very afraid, that's resistance. And that can be

938
01:11:33.080 --> 01:11:36.360
what's keeping things from moving forward or keeping things

939
01:11:36.360 --> 01:11:39.640
from keeping God from moving forward, you know, because he's

940
01:11:39.640 --> 01:11:44.280
like, well, I'm not going to violate, you know, your, your

941
01:11:44.600 --> 01:11:48.320
wall, not going to demolish it, I'm not going to climb over it,

942
01:11:48.360 --> 01:11:50.440
you know, because then you really aren't going to trust me.

943
01:11:53.520 --> 01:11:56.080
So he does the same for us that I was telling you that we're

944
01:11:56.080 --> 01:12:00.800
supposed to do with the body. We don't violate it. And we let us

945
01:12:00.800 --> 01:12:04.840
know it's safe so that it trusts us enough to come out and to

946
01:12:04.840 --> 01:12:09.640
change. So it's the kindness that leads us to change.

947
01:12:09.960 --> 01:12:13.120
So regardless of what's happened, or what God has told

948
01:12:13.120 --> 01:12:16.400
you or promises or past and what you've been through, it's like

949
01:12:16.400 --> 01:12:19.680
to trust him enough that he's so good that you can actually

950
01:12:19.680 --> 01:12:24.840
surrender the hope of becoming married to him. You can

951
01:12:24.840 --> 01:12:29.800
actually in regardless of it ever happening. Like even if is

952
01:12:29.800 --> 01:12:32.080
that did I misunderstand you?

953
01:12:32.880 --> 01:12:37.520
Um, well, I mean, I can speak to that. That wasn't what I was

954
01:12:37.520 --> 01:12:40.720
talking about. I was talking about, you know, protecting

955
01:12:40.720 --> 01:12:43.240
ourselves from like, Oh, my goodness, you know, I'm afraid

956
01:12:43.240 --> 01:12:47.280
or whatever. And then God and having that emotional

957
01:12:47.280 --> 01:12:50.400
vulnerability with him. But I can talk to the other I can talk

958
01:12:50.400 --> 01:12:55.240
to if he's made any promises or whatever. And how to hold those

959
01:12:55.240 --> 01:12:59.640
promises before him. In rest, I can talk to that. But that's

960
01:12:59.640 --> 01:13:01.000
different from what I was talking about.

961
01:13:02.200 --> 01:13:07.600
Because you were talking about, I think I understood some of it,

962
01:13:07.640 --> 01:13:08.920
but probably not all.

963
01:13:09.880 --> 01:13:15.840
That's okay. Yeah, that's fine. Um, uh, so just basically, the

964
01:13:15.840 --> 01:13:17.880
thing is, you know, that starting with, you know, the

965
01:13:17.880 --> 01:13:22.240
fact that we can be that we can be, I recognize that, that I'm

966
01:13:22.240 --> 01:13:27.080
probably the one, a little bit sitting behind walls, within

967
01:13:27.080 --> 01:13:33.320
walls, and saying to God, Oh, I kind of feel fine. And hoping

968
01:13:33.320 --> 01:13:36.400
that he would climb the wall or like something like that would

969
01:13:36.400 --> 01:13:37.960
happen over power over.

970
01:13:39.320 --> 01:13:42.200
Yeah, I'm kind of like, Oh, I can make it on my own. It's

971
01:13:42.200 --> 01:13:47.680
going to be okay. And then. But then in that there's not full

972
01:13:47.680 --> 01:13:53.680
trust. Yeah. Yeah, not fully surrendered. Correct? Yeah,

973
01:13:53.680 --> 01:13:57.120
exactly. So then we need to fully surrender. That's what I'm

974
01:13:57.120 --> 01:14:01.160
saying. Yeah, fully surrender. So what I did is I told the

975
01:14:01.160 --> 01:14:04.040
Lord, and I've got some kind of hair here. And what I told the

976
01:14:04.040 --> 01:14:11.080
Lord is, back in October of 2021, I told the Lord, it was

977
01:14:11.080 --> 01:14:14.800
something like, I don't know, the 23rd, 22nd, something like

978
01:14:14.800 --> 01:14:18.440
that. I, I told him, I said, God, I believe that you intended

979
01:14:18.440 --> 01:14:23.040
my life to be in more rich than it currently is. I believe that

980
01:14:23.040 --> 01:14:26.320
you meant I said, because I told him, I said, Lord, I feel whole.

981
01:14:27.080 --> 01:14:30.200
I don't feel empty. I don't feel incomplete. I don't feel in

982
01:14:30.200 --> 01:14:35.240
part, I feel whole, you know, now that I have you, because I

983
01:14:35.240 --> 01:14:39.320
had I had, I become more solid in my identity in the Lord. Then

984
01:14:39.320 --> 01:14:43.800
I didn't feel like I was missing a husband. I mean, sure, I so

985
01:14:43.800 --> 01:14:47.280
wanted a husband, but I didn't feel like a piece of me was

986
01:14:47.280 --> 01:14:50.680
missing anymore. And I and before I found my identity in

987
01:14:50.680 --> 01:14:53.000
the Lord, I'd always felt like a piece of me was missing,

988
01:14:53.000 --> 01:14:55.960
something wasn't quite complete. And I thought it was a husband.

989
01:14:55.960 --> 01:14:58.520
And no, it was it was God, you know, it's my identity in the

990
01:14:58.520 --> 01:15:00.040
Lord. And so once I got

991
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.760
that I'm like, okay, Lord, I feel whole, but it's almost like a complete circle, you know,

992
01:15:05.760 --> 01:15:12.560
that's fully enclosed, but it still has lots of air pockets. It's still, it feels like there's,

993
01:15:12.560 --> 01:15:23.760
it's not as full and as dense, like my life is not as dense as it could be. It's not as enriched as

994
01:15:23.760 --> 01:15:27.680
it could be. And so that's the sense that I got in my spirit. And so I asked the Lord, Lord,

995
01:15:28.560 --> 01:15:38.080
would you please, would you please enrich my life as you, you know, desire? I opened myself up,

996
01:15:38.080 --> 01:15:49.840
Lord, to being enriched. Like, in other words, Lord, that you would, that, that life would

997
01:15:49.840 --> 01:15:54.640
happen in such a way that opportunities would come, that you would call me to step into things,

998
01:15:54.960 --> 01:15:59.760
call me to have a relationship with certain people or whatever, you know, dating or not,

999
01:15:59.760 --> 01:16:05.600
you know, just like relationships with just various people. And that I asked the Lord,

1000
01:16:05.600 --> 01:16:12.000
I said, Lord, you know, I opened, or I told the Lord, I said, Lord, I opened myself up to being,

1001
01:16:12.640 --> 01:16:18.880
to my life, being enriched, to my life, being changed, to my life being impacted on.

1002
01:16:19.840 --> 01:16:29.920
And, and Lord, I finally, I finally put down the resistance to my life changing or things

1003
01:16:29.920 --> 01:16:36.640
being different or things happening to me or people coming into my life or me going through

1004
01:16:36.640 --> 01:16:44.400
a process. I said, including Lord me dating, I finally opened myself up, Lord. And so that

1005
01:16:44.400 --> 01:16:49.280
though, wasn't kind of like, Oh Lord, I want you to do this. I'm still protecting myself. That was

1006
01:16:49.280 --> 01:16:56.800
me opening up and going, okay, God, I'm now vulnerable. And I'm now ready for you to finally

1007
01:16:56.800 --> 01:17:04.240
do a work for you to guide me and Lord, I will accept it. I will say yes. In fact, I'd forgotten

1008
01:17:04.240 --> 01:17:12.000
about that. I think, I think I even told the Lord, maybe not. Maybe, maybe not. I was gonna say,

1009
01:17:12.000 --> 01:17:20.560
I think I even told the Lord, if a man asks me then, Oh, maybe I did. If Lord, if a man asked me

1010
01:17:20.560 --> 01:17:27.520
to date him, I'm now finally ready. And I'll say yes. And I didn't mean, I was going to ask any

1011
01:17:27.520 --> 01:17:33.840
Tom, Dick or Harry that asked. I did. It's just like, I wasn't going to say no now because I was

1012
01:17:33.840 --> 01:17:40.880
afraid if I wanted to, you know, if it was a possibility, then I was going to open myself

1013
01:17:40.880 --> 01:17:46.480
up to the risk. And I told the Lord I was going to say yes. And sure enough, less than a week later,

1014
01:17:46.480 --> 01:17:52.080
that exact same, that exact, I prayed this like on a Sunday, I think I prayed it on a Sunday.

1015
01:17:52.080 --> 01:17:59.280
And then, um, and on Saturday, it happens. It asked me to date him. And I was like, wow,

1016
01:17:59.280 --> 01:18:05.680
that was fast. So, um, and it's because I finally stopped resisting and I didn't know that I was

1017
01:18:05.680 --> 01:18:10.800
resisting because I wanted to be married very desperately, even though it was full and whole

1018
01:18:10.800 --> 01:18:15.040
and all of that. And I was very happy, actually what I was doing and very happy single. I was

1019
01:18:15.040 --> 01:18:22.000
driving around everywhere and I was having so much fun, but I still wanted to be married.

1020
01:18:22.000 --> 01:18:26.400
Um, and I want to say desperately, I don't mean desperate, like I was desperate

1021
01:18:27.040 --> 01:18:32.240
doing something. I just mean, I just meant I greatly wanted it. I greatly desired it. So

1022
01:18:32.240 --> 01:18:37.440
maybe desperate is the wrong word to use anyway. Um, and then that finally, as soon as I, as soon

1023
01:18:37.440 --> 01:18:45.920
as I released, then I, I not only could I, could I see Ed for the first time, cause he and I had

1024
01:18:45.920 --> 01:18:50.880
been friends for a year. We traveled together with, with some ministry friends of ours.

1025
01:18:50.880 --> 01:18:59.120
And we, so we had, we had literally, um, traveled together across States and everything for,

1026
01:18:59.120 --> 01:19:07.440
for I think a total of one and a half or two months and, um, over that year. And that's a

1027
01:19:07.440 --> 01:19:13.360
long time to be spending with someone. And, and he and I weren't interested in each other. We just

1028
01:19:13.360 --> 01:19:20.240
weren't until that week. And that week when I prayed that prayer, my eyes were open and I could

1029
01:19:20.240 --> 01:19:24.400
finally see him and be interested. And his eyes were open. He could finally see me and became

1030
01:19:24.400 --> 01:19:31.360
interested at the same time. I know not only could I see him, but finally he could see me

1031
01:19:31.360 --> 01:19:36.880
because in the spirit, I was now open because, and he tells me this, he said, Ashley, I always

1032
01:19:36.880 --> 01:19:40.480
felt you were closed. He said, so I never even entertained the thought. Cause I've asked him

1033
01:19:40.480 --> 01:19:44.560
so many times. It's like, so were you ever interested, you know, before then, you know,

1034
01:19:44.560 --> 01:19:49.440
like we were doing dishes way back in September of 2020, you know, we were, we met it for the

1035
01:19:49.440 --> 01:19:54.240
first time and we were joking. And I told him, I said, Ed, you know, quite honestly, we were

1036
01:19:54.240 --> 01:19:59.760
flirting, you know, we really were. And he's like, he's like, no, I didn't see you like that.

1037
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:03.520
at all, because, and I said, really, you didn't he said,

1038
01:20:03.520 --> 01:20:07.640
yeah, he said, and I think it's, he said, I, he said,

1039
01:20:07.640 --> 01:20:11.640
I couldn't, because as soon as I kind of like felt into it,

1040
01:20:11.640 --> 01:20:13.400
it was like, oh, she's closed.

1041
01:20:13.400 --> 01:20:16.400
He said, I could sense you weren't open at all.

1042
01:20:16.400 --> 01:20:18.640
So he said, I never asked myself the question

1043
01:20:18.640 --> 01:20:23.600
or let myself be interested or follow any kind of a path.

1044
01:20:23.600 --> 01:20:26.080
So I never recognized that I was interested

1045
01:20:26.080 --> 01:20:28.320
because I immediately saw you were closed.

1046
01:20:28.320 --> 01:20:30.200
So, okay, I'm doing my thing.

1047
01:20:30.200 --> 01:20:32.280
So it wasn't even like, oh, I'm interested.

1048
01:20:32.280 --> 01:20:33.400
Let's see if she is.

1049
01:20:33.400 --> 01:20:35.240
He just immediately felt, oh, she's closed.

1050
01:20:35.240 --> 01:20:38.720
So it never occurred to him until I,

1051
01:20:38.720 --> 01:20:41.600
until I opened myself up to the Lord.

1052
01:20:41.600 --> 01:20:43.360
And then all of a sudden the spirit, you know,

1053
01:20:43.360 --> 01:20:44.640
the veil was lifted.

1054
01:20:44.640 --> 01:20:46.000
And so he could finally see me

1055
01:20:46.000 --> 01:20:47.600
because I no longer had the wall.

1056
01:20:47.600 --> 01:20:48.960
I was no longer closed.

1057
01:20:48.960 --> 01:20:50.640
So anyway, it's very powerful.

1058
01:20:50.640 --> 01:20:53.560
And that's one of the ways in which we can be locked down,

1059
01:20:53.560 --> 01:20:56.240
even though we want something and we don't realize

1060
01:20:56.240 --> 01:20:59.200
that we're actually resisting the thing we want.

1061
01:20:59.200 --> 01:21:00.040
Wow.

1062
01:21:01.640 --> 01:21:04.600
I think I'm realizing that I'm sitting maybe

1063
01:21:04.600 --> 01:21:08.200
behind a wall, but I didn't think that I was.

1064
01:21:08.200 --> 01:21:09.440
Yeah.

1065
01:21:09.440 --> 01:21:10.280
Yeah.

1066
01:21:10.280 --> 01:21:11.120
I'm like, what?

1067
01:21:11.120 --> 01:21:14.120
Because I feel so open and so surrendered.

1068
01:21:14.120 --> 01:21:15.360
I feel like I'm giving to God.

1069
01:21:15.360 --> 01:21:17.680
I don't really think about my husband ever.

1070
01:21:17.680 --> 01:21:21.080
If like, and even like mentioning tonight was more like,

1071
01:21:21.080 --> 01:21:23.880
I believe I'm supposed to, but I don't know why

1072
01:21:23.880 --> 01:21:25.200
because I don't really miss it.

1073
01:21:25.200 --> 01:21:26.840
Yeah, yay.

1074
01:21:26.840 --> 01:21:31.000
But now I'm like, I think there is resistance.

1075
01:21:31.000 --> 01:21:34.520
And I think actually I do have accusation against God

1076
01:21:34.520 --> 01:21:38.480
and that I am hoping that he would like break down the walls

1077
01:21:38.480 --> 01:21:41.040
like you're saying, kind of like, just like overcoming

1078
01:21:41.040 --> 01:21:42.560
and just let it happen.

1079
01:21:42.560 --> 01:21:45.000
And like me just kind of being,

1080
01:21:45.000 --> 01:21:47.000
but I'm not really taking responsibility

1081
01:21:47.000 --> 01:21:51.880
or I'm not really coming out of that resistance.

1082
01:21:51.880 --> 01:21:53.000
Very interesting.

1083
01:21:53.000 --> 01:21:54.520
Thank you so much.

1084
01:21:54.520 --> 01:21:55.440
You're welcome.

1085
01:21:55.440 --> 01:22:00.440
And, you know, it's interesting how we can, I don't know,

1086
01:22:01.080 --> 01:22:03.120
it's interesting how that we can be in resistance,

1087
01:22:03.120 --> 01:22:05.520
you know, and just not know it.

1088
01:22:05.520 --> 01:22:10.520
And also sometimes you might, when you know how you said,

1089
01:22:13.400 --> 01:22:16.680
well, Lord, I don't really, it's not really,

1090
01:22:16.680 --> 01:22:17.920
I don't remember how you phrased it.

1091
01:22:17.920 --> 01:22:19.200
You said something like, oh, Lord,

1092
01:22:19.200 --> 01:22:20.600
it's not really that important.

1093
01:22:20.600 --> 01:22:23.680
And I really don't want it that much,

1094
01:22:23.680 --> 01:22:24.600
that kind of thing.

1095
01:22:24.600 --> 01:22:25.440
Yeah.

1096
01:22:25.440 --> 01:22:28.200
It can be that you're even protecting yourself

1097
01:22:28.200 --> 01:22:29.480
from your own feelings.

1098
01:22:29.480 --> 01:22:32.520
In other words, like Ed couldn't see me,

1099
01:22:32.520 --> 01:22:35.920
you can't even see you and get your,

1100
01:22:35.920 --> 01:22:38.200
cause you're not allowing you to access

1101
01:22:38.200 --> 01:22:43.200
what your deep down, your deep down desires

1102
01:22:44.120 --> 01:22:47.320
because they are locked up.

1103
01:22:49.360 --> 01:22:52.080
Because if you were to access them and don't get them,

1104
01:22:52.080 --> 01:22:53.720
that risks disappointment.

1105
01:22:53.720 --> 01:22:54.560
Yes.

1106
01:22:54.560 --> 01:22:57.120
You just lock up the desire to like,

1107
01:22:57.120 --> 01:23:00.560
I'm not going to feel, I'm not going to want

1108
01:23:00.560 --> 01:23:03.040
because that risks disappointment.

1109
01:23:03.040 --> 01:23:05.120
And it risks my relationship with God

1110
01:23:05.120 --> 01:23:07.080
because then I'll be disappointed with God

1111
01:23:07.080 --> 01:23:10.000
and I don't want to be in resistance against him.

1112
01:23:10.000 --> 01:23:11.960
So then I'm like, I'm fine single.

1113
01:23:11.960 --> 01:23:13.880
If you don't do it, I'm fine.

1114
01:23:13.880 --> 01:23:16.520
I would love a husband, but if you don't give it to me,

1115
01:23:16.520 --> 01:23:17.920
I'm going to be okay.

1116
01:23:17.920 --> 01:23:18.760
Yeah.

1117
01:23:18.760 --> 01:23:21.560
And it's kind of like, you really want it,

1118
01:23:21.560 --> 01:23:23.520
but you don't want to admit it.

1119
01:23:23.520 --> 01:23:24.360
Yes, correct.

1120
01:23:24.360 --> 01:23:26.720
So, and if you really admit it,

1121
01:23:26.720 --> 01:23:29.600
you know that you could not get it

1122
01:23:29.600 --> 01:23:32.200
and then you'd have a problem with God

1123
01:23:32.200 --> 01:23:34.200
and you don't want to have a problem with God.

1124
01:23:34.200 --> 01:23:35.040
Yes.

1125
01:23:35.040 --> 01:23:37.880
I think that's what I'm unconsciously doing.

1126
01:23:37.880 --> 01:23:38.720
Isn't that wild?

1127
01:23:38.720 --> 01:23:39.560
Yeah.

1128
01:23:39.560 --> 01:23:42.960
So anyway, I just thought maybe that would be helpful.

1129
01:23:45.320 --> 01:23:46.240
Right.

1130
01:23:46.240 --> 01:23:48.400
Well, it was good to see you.

1131
01:23:48.400 --> 01:23:49.240
Thank you.

1132
01:23:49.240 --> 01:23:50.520
This is going to be up, you know,

1133
01:23:50.520 --> 01:23:52.200
on the platform with your others.

1134
01:23:52.200 --> 01:23:55.560
So with your other transformation sessions, you know.

1135
01:23:55.560 --> 01:23:58.640
I hope I connect with you at a later point.

1136
01:23:58.640 --> 01:24:03.640
I'm really open to be a part of whatever you do,

1137
01:24:03.680 --> 01:24:08.400
like later on, or even maybe by,

1138
01:24:08.400 --> 01:24:12.680
like I know that people buy class, like hours with you.

1139
01:24:12.680 --> 01:24:13.520
Right?

1140
01:24:15.080 --> 01:24:18.200
So I'm like, I'm really open to that.

1141
01:24:18.240 --> 01:24:20.600
Like, I'll be following you,

1142
01:24:20.600 --> 01:24:22.720
what you're doing and putting up.

1143
01:24:22.720 --> 01:24:26.120
And I'd really love to be a part of the community

1144
01:24:26.120 --> 01:24:28.280
and to, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1145
01:24:28.280 --> 01:24:29.320
Well, good.

1146
01:24:29.320 --> 01:24:30.720
Always loved having you.

1147
01:24:30.720 --> 01:24:32.800
So I'm glad all this has been very helpful

1148
01:24:32.800 --> 01:24:34.880
and I'm so excited, you know,

1149
01:24:34.880 --> 01:24:39.280
for everything it is that has changed in your life

1150
01:24:39.280 --> 01:24:41.160
and how you've, you know,

1151
01:24:42.000 --> 01:24:43.880
I just don't know what all that was.

1152
01:24:43.880 --> 01:24:46.200
You know, experiencing more freedom

1153
01:24:46.240 --> 01:24:48.240
and being able to, you know,

1154
01:24:48.240 --> 01:24:51.600
connect more intimately with the Lord, you know,

1155
01:24:51.600 --> 01:24:54.960
and feeling more love, more free, more accepted, you know.

1156
01:24:54.960 --> 01:24:58.080
So I'm so very, very, very glad for what you have

1157
01:24:58.080 --> 01:25:00.280
and been receiving between you and the Lord.

1158
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:06.480
for it. Thank you so much. Yeah, you again, I hope at some

1159
01:25:06.480 --> 01:25:10.480
point, or even if you do like, I was like, if you do like

1160
01:25:10.480 --> 01:25:14.680
teaching in America, like, oh, maybe Annette and I could fly

1161
01:25:15.080 --> 01:25:19.040
you're doing conferences or if you're doing like, I don't know

1162
01:25:19.080 --> 01:25:23.080
who knows what you're gonna do in the future. It'll be to see

1163
01:25:23.080 --> 01:25:28.360
what God has for you. See, and to follow what's going to do in

1164
01:25:28.600 --> 01:25:33.000
through you. That's very sweet. Thank you. Yeah, we're both on

1165
01:25:33.000 --> 01:25:36.760
our journeys. So we'll just see what the Lord does. Yeah. Well,

1166
01:25:36.760 --> 01:25:42.200
it's good to see you Renata. You take care. You too. Bye. Bye.