Hey everybody, just doing my journey sharing and I've been hesitating even coming on here
to share just because I've had a slew of emotions and such.
The beginning of this week I felt like, I guess there was one day where I felt like
this is too easy, like this shouldn't be so easy, why is it so peaceful, why is it
so good?
I went from that and then the next day was kind of anxiety and then today I had a procedure
done to see the change in the tumor that I have in my body and I got the results back
and they aren't what I wanted.
The tumor's actually grown and it's into a muscle layer that it was not previously in
and I talked to my doctor next week, my surgeon, but normally they recommend chemo or radiation
if it's in that muscle layer before they do surgery and that's kind of not in my plan.
So I just have a lot of mixed emotions and just trying to put things in their rightful
place and trying to keep perspective, especially while going through the rest intensive because
this is a whole journey on its own.
And so I read one of Ashley's posts today about choosing to believe God is who he says
he is, even no matter the circumstances of your life.
And so right now I feel like I'm trying to believe that and I'm like, well I just need
to quit trying.
Like I just feel like stuck, like I don't know what to do.
I feel kind of paralyzed, like I don't know what to do with it all.
So it just feels like a lot.
So with all that being said, I don't really feel like I have a whole lot to share except
that I just feel kind of stuck and not really sure how to work through it.
And then I'm also like right now I'm just feeling this, just not wanting to burden anyone
in the group with my own struggles.
So wanting to hold back the pain and the hardship, but I'm kind of letting it out before
I stop this.
So I guess that's moving in a positive direction in some ways.
So that's kind of where I'm at and I'm just going to leave it at that while I sit on this
and yeah, it's just a lot to mull through.
So all right, I'll talk to you guys tonight, bye bye.