Hey, everybody. It's time for a journey share, I suppose. It's been a while. I've had times
that I felt like I wanted to come on here and do a journey share, but like, oh, I'll
just do it later. I should go do it now, but I'll do it later. And I don't know what that's
all about. I had some really good, I wouldn't say revelations this week, but just times
of complete surrender and letting go. And I would get into anxiety and I was able to
shift rather quickly and just trust God with the process and trust that he is my provider
and my protector. And I was able to shift out of it easily, which is like unheard of
for me. I mean, even like my husband will tell me that like literally sometimes it would
take me weeks to shift out of anxiety and resistance. He would literally sit on the
couch, like when I was going through postpartum issues with my son, he would literally sit
on the couch and he would talk to me for hours and I wouldn't say a word. I was just
like so overwhelmed. I didn't even know what to say. And so this is like literally a miracle.
But there's a possibility that we might be moving. And so that has brought up a whole
other slew of change, a possibility of change in our life. And we'd be moving closer to
my family. All my family lives about two hours away, my three siblings and their families
and my parents. And it would feel, I really believe it's kind of where God is leading
us. The hard part is that my oldest is the only one that doesn't want to go. And so obviously
he doesn't get to decide what's best for our family. But trying to navigate that in
a way that's sensitive to him and his wants and needs and taking into consideration, you
know, everything that he brings to the table. And so I do have a little fear about that.
I don't want him to feel like he doesn't matter or his, his wants and desires don't matter.
And I also want him to know that the Lord is leading us in a certain way and his way
is always better and always best even if we can't see the outcome. So we're just kind
of working through that. I also want to thank you guys for bearing with me. I feel like
on the, when I, when I speak on the Q&A calls and the other calls, I feel like I have such
a hard time articulating what I want to say. And I feel like I just like blab, like throw
up all over. And then when I'm done, I'm like, did that make any sense whatsoever? But I'm
also trying to come on without a preconceived notion of what I'm going to say. And maybe
I do need to think through that, but then I'm like, well, maybe I need to think through
that a little bit more and process, you know, what has this, what has happened in this week
and what, how have I grown and where have the challenges been? Um, so there's been lots
of good stuff and as well as some challenges with anxiety and overwhelm with, um, the possibility
of moving and everything that comes with that while dealing with my own, um, health
and healing from my surgery and, um, different alternative treatments that I'll be doing
and if they'll be available in Helena. And, um, so there's just a lot of, a lot of stuff
that would normally have me like off my rocker, maybe close to panic attack. And I'm here
just trusting the Lord in it, which feels really freeing. And, um, I'm wanting to ask
all these questions of the Lord. And, um, I feel like he just telling me to just trust
him and that he'll work out all the details and I don't have to spend so much time thinking
and worrying and pondering the details or trying to make them align and that he's going
to have it figured out because he's the one that does the work. And so that's
been freeing as well. What else the talk tonight with when I the Q&A tonight with
Ashley was very helpful when she talked about just the relationship with my
husband my own my challenges and I know the Lord has been growing me in that
like these last I don't know how many years my husband has literally been
begging me literally been begging me to let him lead and to trust him and it's
been so hard because alright I grew up in a Christian Catholic kind of
religious home and he grew up without any religion but he talked to God at an
early age and he lives and rests probably the majority of his life so I
have something to like learn from that and it just makes me laugh it's like
okay Lord what do you want me to what do you want me to learn here and I think I
really needed to learn to everything I've learned in the rest intensive about
the Lord being my provider and my protector and my sustainer and the one
who who does the work for me like I'm literally I feel like I'm literally
living in that and I believe it and now this is like a whole other level of
living the same way towards my husband and letting him lead trusting him as a
protector of me as the provider of our family and he's proven himself in so
many ways that he is the protector that he is a provider that he will do anything
to help me to help bring me to freedom he would quit a job he's taken four
months leave of absence from his job a high-paying job and just willing to
sacrifice so much and just doing all the things at home constantly asking if
I need anything and when I'm speaking that it just makes me like laugh like if
he's gonna do all that why wouldn't he do all the other things and and actually
just talking about him just needing me to love him where he's at and that
brought me to kind of the relationship with my children that has kind of
changed over time that I used to want to have control over things you know even
what they wear not like massive control but like I'd have opinions on what
they're wearing and and now it's like I want to know what they like I want to
get to know them more and what they like like my son normally my boys aren't
really aren't really picky well my oldest is kind of now but even the
example of he needs some new pants and it's easier for me if I just go to the
store and get them but I'm like you know what I think he would enjoy getting them
and picking out something that he likes and then I get to see what he likes and
that was really fun for me because it surprised me and I got to learn
something about him that I didn't I wouldn't have been able to learn about
him and it made me think about my relationship with my husband that if I
just let him love me and do life the way he feels called to do life then I get to
learn a lot about him and I and that's fun it's not there's no pressure to
control him or to have things look a certain way and even like the way he
parents the children the kids he's definitely he's definitely come
alongside me in changing our parenting style and although I'm constantly like
looking for not knowledge but well I guess it is probably knowledge ways to
just interact with them differently and he's not so it's like I expect him I
want him to want to look for ways to be a better parent but that's just not him
he just doesn't look like that so I guess just get to look come alongside
him and learn how he's feeling
called to parent them and maybe learn something from him in the process and to
me that's what to me when I think about that I'm like that's what love is like
falling in love with the person that you married not someone that you think they
should be and it just shows me how much probably control and pressure that I've
put on him that I know he's felt and I feel like I have a way out now I have a
way out from I have a way out from the control and just seeing him in a
different light so I know that question didn't apply to the majority of people
in the group so I thank you ladies for bearing with me hopefully you guys
maybe learned a thing or two but it really helped me so I love your I love
your shares ladies and I know that these shares really helped me and even though
I don't do as much as I I don't like to say should but really I should because
they benefit me so I love you guys and I will talk to you later bye-bye