Hey everyone, this will be a quick journey share, but tonight after the rest intensive,
I was just feeling kind of overwhelmed.
We're getting ready to move and I don't yet have a surgery date scheduled for my, the
reversal of my ileostomy and Christmas is coming up and so there's just a lot going
on and kind of unexpectedly and so I've been feeling overwhelmed in the last three days.
I've been doing a lot.
I felt good like I could do those things, but I've also wanted to like just sit and
rest and I wanted to sleep in and I wanted to just not do and so although I felt good,
I'm trying to like figure out I feel good, but am I in rest doing these things when I
kind of would rather just be sitting and chilling or not thinking about the million things that
I have to do.
So that's something I'm kind of working through, but tonight I noticed myself starting to spin
and spiral downward and what that looks like for me is that I start to basically place
blame on other people for not doing enough because I have to do it if that makes sense.
It's something that I really don't like about me.
Even for example, after the call I came down and my son was on the computer and screen
time is something that I just like cringe at for my children and so they've set their
own limits and they write down their screen time and they keep track of it and they only
have a certain amount of time a week that they do it, but since I was tired and there
was still a lot to do to finish the night, I was kind of feeling resentful and I showed
that resentment I think towards him and then I feel like I found, I was starting to find
everything wrong with everything, starting to like think that they have too much screen
time and they're not helping out enough and even they do help out and they have chores
they do every day and so I was just kind of starting to spiral like everything is wrong
in the world and as I was coming up to bed I was just thinking like it's, I was having
this like I was wanting to spiral because it's what I know, but my spirit was telling
me oh you don't have to go there, like you don't have to and it was almost like permission
to step out of that place and like just telling me, like encouraging me to just step out of
it, like I could just choose out of that and so I chose out of it and I chose out of it
by going and apologizing to my son and that my stuff, my reaction towards him was not
of his anything he had done but because I had probably overworked myself the last couple
days and so I was feeling tired and for some reason I wanted to place blame on other people
for my tiredness and that wasn't okay and me and my husband because he knows my cycle
or whatever you call it, we laughed about it and were honest, I was honest about okay
I feel myself spiraling but I don't have to go there and so I can trust the Lord today
in this moment and there's, I don't have to do the things I, my physical body and my soul
thinks I need to do, I can rest and I can trust the Lord to do whatever work he's going
to do and things might not be perfect and that's going to be okay.
So that just feels really good, just to be able to step out, I feel like I'm able, I
was able to step out of the old man and choose the new man and that just feels really good
so I just wanted to share, alright, bye bye, bye bye ladies.