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And it totally hit the nail on the head and I was like, okay, I can't ignore this anymore.

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Like something is going on.

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And then you kept talking about how, like, we just feel this frustration or this thing,

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like this vagueness that we're trying to get ahold of to put somewhere.

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And that is exactly how I felt today.

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And I just kept like, it just kept coming out of me and all of a sudden I was like,

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I am terrified of this intensive ending because I'm so scared of everything just going back

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to normal.

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Like, it's like, what am I going to do tomorrow?

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Like tomorrow's the last day.

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And I have so much anxiety about it because I'm like, what am I going to do?

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I don't know where to go.

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And I like had this total breakdown, freak out moment.

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I'm like, I have to call Ashley, I'm losing my mind.

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I just, I feel so, I feel so terrified of being abandoned by God.

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I think that's just the bottom line.

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Like, I feel like everything is going so well, like in my business, like I'm not doing anything

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and I'm still getting people to sign up.

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I don't, I don't know how that's working.

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I literally don't know.

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And like our marriage is fine, parenting is fine.

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Everything in life is amazing and wonderful.

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But then I look at me in God and I'm like, I'm just, I'm just waiting for something to

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like, to frame day, you know, I don't know, hit me over the head or something.

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It feels like, but I'm like, how can all these other, if, if God and I are what is determines

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the rest of my life, how can the rest of my life feel so wonderful and me still be so

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terrified of my relationship with the Lord?

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That makes sense.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And I was just, it just doesn't make sense because I feel, I feel absolutely like frozen

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in life right now because I'm so scared that I'm going to be abandoned again.

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And I feel like I've, I've spent so many years, you know, of isolation and absolute desperation

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and like, I refuse to do anything unless I know that we're going to go forward from this

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point.

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And even like reading the Bible and praying, like I can't, I just can't because it's so

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familiar from how I used to operate.

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I'm just, I'm just terrified.

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Oh, I'm sorry.

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I'm sorry.

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I'm so scared of being abandoned again.

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Yeah.

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No, no.

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I mean, that, that everyone is, the difference with you is that you're aware of it, which

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is good because it means that you've got a tremendous potential to actually, to actually

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progress faster than, I feel like the worst, I feel, I was, I feel like the worst student

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ever.

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Like I feel so needy.

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I said, I know now what you meant when you said it gets ugly.

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And that's why I make sure, that's why I do calls with people before they join the intensive

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and I'm like, okay, so I've got to talk to people and make sure, in fact, I was talking

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to two people yesterday who were both interested and they asked, so what can we do to join

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the group?

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Like, if we were interested, whatever.

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And I said, I have one requirement for people.

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I said, I get on a call with anyone before I accept them into the group.

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And my one requirement is I have to know that they're serious, that they want this for themselves

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because I said, this is not something that you do if you're bored.

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This is something like I am serious about owning and shifting in my relationship with

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the Lord.

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I said, that is my one criteria for accepting people is to make sure, because it's not,

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it's not something that you want to, I don't want to say that it's not something you want

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to mess with.

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It's something that doesn't have to play with, you know, it's like, and then when you actually

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really want to do it, God's going to take you seriously, you do all of this.

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He's more excited about this than you are.

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He's more invested in it.

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If you could put it in these terms, he's pouring more energy into it in time and attention

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than you are.

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So you're perfectly safe as far as it, you know, in all of that.

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And the thing is that, you know, you're like, Oh, you know what?

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I feel like I'm going to be, I feel everything's going so well because before you're going

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quote, unquote uphill, like, okay, well, hey, you know, I'm going to try to believe I'm

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going to have faith and then whatever, and all my work, he keeps coming through, he keeps

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coming through.

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So it's like, you're growing in faith and now all of these things look so wonderful

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in your mind.

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You're going, there is nowhere else to go.

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Yeah.

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Exactly.

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Yeah.

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The shoe to drop.

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Yeah.

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The really neat thing is now to brought you to this point that he's like, okay, you see

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what I can do now.

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I want you to believe that I won't abandon you.

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Like I will do all of these things and now I won't leave.

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So that's now this.

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The other step is now not live life constantly waiting for the shoe to drop.

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And you do know I'm preaching to the choir at the same time.

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So that's the word that's with me.

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Like he'll come through and he'll come through and he'll come through and I'm like, I'm like,

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this is amazing.

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And there's something that's niggling in the back of my mind going where I'm just waiting

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for the shoe to drop, waiting for the relationship to fall through, waiting for someone to come

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up with something, waiting for the Lord to do X, Y, and Z and waiting for something,

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waiting for a prayer that I prayed for to not be answered, waiting to be left out.

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So now that is what I have to, um, uh, now that is, you know, when the Lord has, is doing

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all of these wonderful things, that's now what he's asking of us.

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It's like, no, no, no.

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Now I really want you to have faith that I'm not that now that you, now that you know that

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you have me as opposed to waiting to see if I'm going to come in, which is what it

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feels like.

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Cause then it feels like he's gone.

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We're waiting for him to prove like he's come back, right?

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Always there.

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It feels like in our life, it feels like he's coming back and now that he's here, we're

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like, I'm just waiting for you to leave.

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I'm waiting with jaded breath for you to abandon me.

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And that's now a part where he wants you to trust that he really won't leave, that he's

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never.

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And the thing is that we were confused early on when we thought Aaron, he was coming back.

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He was proving he'd never left and he was always there.

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And so now that everything looks good and Rosie, just like we hoped it would trust that

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I'm not going to abandon you just to let you know, then it's going to get to the point

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where, and this is what's happened with me, where he doesn't answer certain prayers in

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the way that I thought that he would, or he doesn't, certain things don't happen the way

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that I expected it would.

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But by that time I realized when God first did that for me, I was expecting something

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to happen, expecting him to quote unquote come through for me after he'd been proven

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himself up to this point.

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And now I'm like waiting for this new one.

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And then, and it didn't happen, at least in the way that I expected it to, and maybe something

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else happens that I've not, that I haven't put the, I haven't put two and two together

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on yet.

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But as of this moment, I look at it and go, well, Lord, I still don't see how you came

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through.

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And however, the interesting thing is he had proven himself so much by that point that

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I did not question his character, even though it didn't, it didn't happen the way I thought.

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So in other words, I began to rely on his character without having to have things proven

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to me that he was still there.

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So that's now the part of the journey that you're on is to trust that he's there and

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that he's not abandoned, regardless of what everything else looks around, look around

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you.

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Right now, everything looks good and you're waiting for everything to not look good anymore

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in order to prove, oh, see, he's gone.

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He's like, no, I want you to be there regardless of what's going on, because our reliance needs

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to be in his character.

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So anyway, just FYI about kind of like, uh, maybe, maybe kind of the landmarks about where

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you are right now and, but no, that's the thing is when God is proving to us, you know,

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that he's there, he doesn't tease us like, hey, I'm going to come through and I'm going

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to come through and I can throw it.

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I'm going to dangle this thing in front of you.

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Okay.

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Now that you're relying on me, I'm going to pull the rug out from under you.

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And he doesn't because what he's doing is he's proving the character of his very nature

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to us.

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It's his nature, not something he does to you, not the way he interacts with you.

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It is his nature to always be present with you, period.

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That's, that's his very nature.

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It's not something he's just like, oh, well, wouldn't this be a fun game for us to play?

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Or wouldn't this be nice for us to spend some time together before I go on a trip?

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He's like, no, I don't know how to do anything other than be with you.

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That's the very nature of who God is because you're one with him, he's one with you, etc.

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So, um, but anyway, uh, yeah, so keep going.

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I just wanted to.

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I was just thinking too, I find myself in a hard place between knowing, if believing

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in the character of God, if that's applying an action or striving even more so.

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You know what I mean?

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I'm trying to figure out how to explain it.

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Simply believing in the character of God, and I do know, I agree with what you were

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saying, that God is just asking me to call on the character of God and to believe the

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character of God.

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And then I just simply believe it.

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I don't have to, that's not considered striving or doing anything or working for my salvation.

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Uh-huh.

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Yeah, so you know that there's a difference between the trying to believe versus the believing.

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So in our old preachers, understanding and believing was something that we had to try

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for because it was a godly thing.

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Believing's a godly thing, but in the old nature, we only understood it from a certain

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perspective where we thought it was something we had to drum up within ourselves, we had

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to create, we have to, in other words, there's a feeling that's going to come with it.

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And unless I feel the feeling, well then I'm not really believing, so I've got to, what

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is it that I can do to drum up that feeling so I know that I'm, that has no place whatsoever

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if that's the old man.

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So your very nature is one that believes your father.

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And remember that believing comes effortlessly because believing comes by hearing and hearing

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comes by the word of God.

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So all you have to do is hear it and hear it and hear it and hear it, and it could be

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through somebody else's voice, it could be through Bible, it could be through, it could

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be through God speaking to your heart, you know, in other words, speaking to your spirit.

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All of those, you should hear the spirit of God in all of those.

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When someone else is speaking, it should be the spirit of God that your spirit is resonating

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with.

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When you read the Bible, it should be the living, breathing spirit of God that you're

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hearing in those words, not these words that are in black and white that you're trying

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to logically interpret and trying really hard to believe that, well, it's written in black

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and white, so I should probably believe that it's true.

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No, it should be a living, breathing spirit from the Lord.

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And so whatever it is, it's all word.

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And so that word will generate hearing.

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In other words, you'll hear the word.

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And as you hear the word, you will naturally come to believe it.

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It's your nature.

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It's a spiritual principle that you literally cannot help.

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If you hear the word of God, you will naturally believe it without trying.

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The thing that gets in the way is if we try to resurrect that old creature or we try to

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hold on to lies that are actually very difficult for us to hold on to, grab a hold of.

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We think that they're easy because we've done them for so long, but they're actually so

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contrary to our nature, we're actually exerting a lot of effort to hold on to them.

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But if we don't hold on to them, we don't even have to try to believe.

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We just hear the word of God and we naturally believe it.

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So you just soak in his presence, just in his spirit.

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You just choose to believe it.

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You don't try to believe it.

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You choose it.

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I choose that that's my reality.

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I choose that that's my reality.

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I choose that he loves me.

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I don't feel it.

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Sometimes it might even be difficult to believe more about specific things.

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Say, for instance, that you have a very difficult, that's a good example, that if you have a

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very difficult time, oh, I don't know, like some area in which you've struggled believing

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that God coming through for you in a certain area, like, I don't know, I'm just going to

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use finances.

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You have a difficult time believing that he's going to come through for you in finances.

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So it might, if it's, if it is too difficult, because I've done this different ways, I've

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done it where it's where I can actually manage to choose to believe that he's so loving that

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he will give me money or he will give me or whatever.

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So every time that fear comes up of, oh my word, what am I going to do about money?

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Oh my word, how am I going to pay for this or whatever?

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And I can choose, you know what God says, I choose to believe that God is so loving

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of me and he is so good that he is going to provide for my finances and he's going to

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make sure that that bill gets paid.

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or whatever. But there are times when the thing that I am struggling with is so

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difficult. And I'll be transparent. The difficult thing that I have, that I

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struggle with, and I may have mentioned this to y'all, has actually not been provision

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protection or identity. My biggest struggles with the Lord are struggles with

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feeling emotionally abandoned by Him. Feeling unlovable, unlikable, and that I

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can't expect to be comforted by Him. Those are my biggest issues in life. I

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have struggled with identity with Him. I have struggled with feeling like He

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won't provide for me, and I have dealt with feeling that He won't protect me.

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But those were not as strong as my belief that He doesn't love me, He

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doesn't like me, and He won't comfort me. That He brings me pain and I can't

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expect that He's going to be there and like bring me comfort. So if I'm

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struggling, like say for instance, in a relationship issue, I have sometimes

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really struggled, especially in certain moments, believing, choosing to believe

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that God loves me enough and is so good that He's going to provide for me in a

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relationship. You know, in a specific relationship that maybe I'm struggling

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with or whatever. So I forget about the detail part and just do what I can, which

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is, I just choose to believe that He is amazingly loving to me. That He is, that

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He's as big in love and in goodness as I can in my mind imagine Him to be. So in

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other words, you see that it's general because I didn't believe I was

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struggling too much to choose to believe that He was that good and that loving

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that He would come for me, come through for me in a specific area because I was

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still too wounded in that area. The point is, do what you can. If you can do it, if you

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can choose to believe for a specific area. Again, you're not looking for a

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feeling. You're making an intentional decision. I'm going to choose. I don't

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even know whether or not God is that loving and I don't know whether or not

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He's that good. I'm going to choose that He is. He says that He is. I don't know

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that I believe it, but I'm going to choose it. And so, I mean, we're talking that

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drastic. I think I may have mentioned to you, if I'm repeating myself, here we go

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repeating myself, that I, when I stepped into this, I did not believe that

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this life was true. Did I tell you that? Did I mention that? I had to choose it. And so I've

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remembered that going forward, that whenever I struggle with something like,

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oh my word, what if, I'm worried that God's going to abandon me. I mean, it could be a

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general abandonment or it could be an abandonment in a specific area like finances, a

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relationship I'm struggling with, I'm feeling alone, I'm feeling, whatever my

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issue is. If I am so wounded in a particular area that I can't trust Him

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for a detail, then I will, I'll do what I can, which is just trust in general. I

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choose to believe that He's about to do something loving and I make it as big as I possibly can. So I do

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what I give to God and I meet God wherever it is that I'm able to. And then

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that is becoming so big because I'm choosing that. God's pleased with the

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fact that I'm choosing that. And it becomes so big in my world because I

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continually, throughout the day, whenever I have those, whenever I have that fear

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crop up or whatever, I tell myself, tell my soul, this is what I'm choosing, this

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is what I'm choosing, this is what I'm choosing. And it'll eventually become so big that I'm

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able to then trust Him specifically for the thing, like for the relationship, for

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the finances. And then I do that and then eventually it just becomes so big

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that it pushes out any negativity, any fear, etc. So I just wanted to be

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encouraging about that. Give, as far as like, you know, whether belief is trying.

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Belief, according to our very nature, that belief, that godly

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belief that's of the new creature, very natural, very effortless, comes

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through hearing. Hearing comes by the word and you just choose it.

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It's not a feeling. You just, you choose it and then you get to the point where you

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actually, you, your soul, because it's agreeing with the spirit, because

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choosing it, it eventually begins to feel different. And you begin to know, even

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without having to see it in scripture, you know that it's true.

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I began to transition and choose to believe this, all of this, then I began to know that

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it was true, and I had found it in scripture at that point, and I knew it was true, because

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all I need is the Word of God to tell me so, and the Word of God does not have to be in

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black and white for it to be the Word of God.

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It was after it was confirmed in my spirit that it was true that I started finding it

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in the Bible.

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So do you see how all of this sounds so backwards from the way we've been taught?

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I chose something I didn't believe in, and then I came to believe it, and I hadn't even

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found it in scripture yet.

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I had to hunt for it.

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People still to this day will ask me certain things, in fact, somebody asked me something

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the other day that I believe, well, where is that in scripture?

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I'm like, well, you know what?

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I don't know, but I know it's in there, so just a second, let me go find it, because

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I had to look for it for myself, because my God told me it was true.

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That's all I need.

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So apparently, if he told me it was true, it's in the Bible somewhere.

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He just hadn't shown me that.

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But I'm in a relationship with a being, not a book, but the book will never contradict

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him.

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So if I found out from him, that's enough.

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So anyway, I wanted to give you encouragement that you don't have to be looking for a feeling,

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and that you just give God whatever it is that you can, and you choose it, and then

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it'll come down, and it will be effortless.

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You don't have to try for belief, you don't have to worry, I don't think I'm believing,

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I bet I'm falling short somehow, what if I don't have enough belief, what if I don't

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have enough faith to sustain me, and whatever.

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You don't have to worry about any of that.

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All of it's a choice, and God is more pleased about it than you, and he's honestly putting

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in more effort than you are.

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He always does.

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He doesn't meet us halfway.

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He goes, you know, literally, he goes 100%.

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All we have to do is receive it, but he goes 100%.

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So you don't have to worry that, well, he's only met us 50, you know, it's not 50%, he's

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waiting for us to come the other 50, 100%, we just have to receive it.

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So in other words, he's more excited about it than you are, he's not going to abandon

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us, all of this.

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So I'm saying all these things knowing that it may not change your feelings at the moment,

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but to give you encouragement that you just choose to believe that that is his character,

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that is his nature, he's done everything, he's more excited, won't abandon, whatever,

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and then you choose to step into that.

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But anyway, that's what I have so far, but what are your, I mean, I understand that you're

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still, that you might still emotionally be thinking, I know, but I still feel like I'm

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And, you know, what are your thoughts?

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Oh, no, I mean, I honestly, like, I know, I'm okay with it just being a process, honestly,

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like, I don't know, I just don't feel the need to stress about it.

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And I was just thinking, too, like, I think the best way that I can sum it up is that

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what you were talking about, how, when we get so worried and frustrated about the destination,

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that we forget that we're, it's not about the destination, it's the journey.

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And I was like, Oh, my goodness, like, that is so, so what I need to hear, because so

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often, I'm like, well, God's gonna get me to this destination, you know, where I'm gonna

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be able to do this and this and know this and feel this and, you know, be this wonderful

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Christian.

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And it's not about that, like, it just totally, totally made sense.

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I brought a lot of peace into my heart to know that it's not about getting somewhere.

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Like, it's not, it's about the journey to get there.

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Yeah, enjoying him and him enjoying you in the process, you know, always enjoying us.

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So the only thing is, sometimes that's enjoying him, you know, that's not our nature is naturally

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enjoying him, we just have to step into it.

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But the thing is, that's all he wants.

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He's like, have fun with me.

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Let's just have fun doing this.

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It's not getting somewhere and, and where we're always lacking.

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You heard my, when he showed me the scroll, and there was no beginning, no ending, and

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I was so bummed.

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I was like, man, because I couldn't measure myself.

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How far have I gone?

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He's like, exactly.

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The point is, I just couldn't take a walk.

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You aren't a perfectionist by chance, are you?

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Oh my gosh, I could tell you stories.

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Oh, I said I could tell you stories.

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In fact, I realized it was a major problem when I was in, I think it was in eighth grade.

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I realized what a major problem it was.

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So what I used to do is I used to write papers and, and if I had even like one, like mistake

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or whatever, I would like start all over.

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So I used, so what I.

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Realize, I realized I was such a perfectionist. I had to deal with this that I would what I would do is I would write papers.

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And instead of writing a single draft first draft or second draft and in a final copy, which is what I taught us to do. I would write one draft in pen. The first time it was, you know, no, no computers back then.

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Then I would read through it, find all of the mistakes so that I would know how many there were and what they were. And then I would hand it in. That is how I taught myself to get over perfectionism.

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That big of a problem.

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Mark out, you know, like I like accidentally misspelled a word or I hadn't had like the perfect penmanship. I have one mark out, I would scratch it, even if it was at the end of the page. I was scrapping and start all over.

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And this is in the Lord told me this is the problem. So I just came up with my I'm just, I know.

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Know exactly where they are.

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And like that, you know, you're

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Lower grade. So yes, I

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That's funny.

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But anyway,

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That's funny. Oh, man.

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But yeah.

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Yeah, I mean, I don't really have anything else. I mean, unless you have like questions or something to say.

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I can't really think of anything else really to that I had wanted to ask you about necessarily

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So, I mean, like,

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What are you thinking, how you feel. And I mean, did what I say it did what I say help or did it feel like, yeah, but that's not really hitting

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Yeah, I mean, you didn't take my feelings away, which is fine, but you, you, you were able to provide the solution of what to do.

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I just, yeah, the thought of this. The thought of the intense bending, like I literally felt like I had to, you know, I have to go back and read this book.

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Yeah, I mean, you didn't take my feelings away, which is fine, but you, you, you were able to provide the solution of what to do.

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I just, yeah, the thought of this. The thought of the intense bending, like I literally cannot go there. I cannot think about it because I'm like, what am I going to do?

379
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Oh, yeah. Let's talk about that. Why? Why is that a problem?

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I'm just scared that I'm just gonna go back to how I was

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And why would you go back to where you were?

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Because I don't have all of your information.

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Yeah.

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The Lord will reveal all of it to you, you know, and because the Lord revealed all of this to me. And, and so for one thing, y'all, you have access to, I'm going to tell you all this and I'm going to tell you

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Something in a minute, but just, just the fact that, you know, God, I promise, does not, doesn't abandon us and I am not the solution.

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He's the one who, he's the one who brought you to this point. And I'm telling you everything you already know this is, this is just a third party telling you, you know, so that somebody outside of your own head is also telling you the same thing you already know.

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And that is, you know, the fact that God does so much work in your heart, you know, you know, your spirit, like, hey, I've got something for you. And you're like, what, what is it? What, what, what, what do you do? What is the shift?

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Does not feel good. What's going on. And then you heard about the April intensive. You thought that you weren't going to be able to get in. And then he found out that that you were one of the names that God gave me because he told me now on other names, but he told me, yes, I'm going to be able to get in.

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And so all of that, that is all God doing all of this work because he saw

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And because it was important to him and you were seeking him, but you didn't know necessarily what for like

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What for what specifically and he's like, I do. So he provided what he knew what exactly what he knew that he wanted you to have

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And he did all of the work. So if he did all of that work for me to this point.

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Then he's not going to, you know, abandon you at this point and say, hey, by the way, good luck. You know, I've given you as far as I'm going to go. Now I want you to do it on your own.

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And make sure you don't mess it up, you know,

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That that whole way. And I was just like saying, you know, remember what he's done in your life to bring you to this point. He was constantly proving and constantly proving and constantly proving and so he's going to continue to do so, even though you can't see what tomorrow's like or

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So, so that that all being said, and the other thing is, this is something that the Lord has been talking about. And so I was going to share it with everybody. I guess I was going to share it tomorrow and and that is the fact that I'm going to be

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And I just haven't announced on Facebook yet.

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Because I wanted to tell y'all first, and that is the fact that I'm going to open up the

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I believe what I'm going to do is start a new group only this group one month long. It's just going to be a community, so to speak.

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And it's going to be an ongoing community where you know new intensive people come in and and it's going to offer the same way that this group has

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The only difference is people never leave. So it's going to all you know if y'all

402
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Since y'all have talked about private things in this Facebook group and didn't know would be open to other people that I just leave this one here only dollar part of that one.

403
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But then ask y'all if y'all would like to transition over to the new group.

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In which new people will be added and they'll be going through the intensive while y'all will no longer be in the intensive

405
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But you'll still be in the group. And so the way it'll work is it'll work the same way that this group has brought still have the group sessions once a week that everybody can still join

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You know, including y'all still come in and ask questions. You can still have access to me. I'll jump in and I'll do live all of that, but I won't

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But the teachings that the new people will be well that that the new people who will be doing intensive for four weeks that I'll have pre recorded videos that I did live for y'all.

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For pre recorded videos that they will watch in order and then they'll have private sessions with me once a week for four weeks.

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In the group, you'll have all of the all of the new videos. So some of the old videos, you know, in that old in that old

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Videos in the new group as well as in your lives that I jumped in and do and I post y'all want to post, you know, just like this group on that other one is can constantly have new people added to it. So the only difference between the new that the

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The

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The way that or continuing people versus versus new ones that the new ones will have the private sessions and there are some things that for y'all were optional, but for new people. I'm going to make this requirement things like certain like posts per week and

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The other thing I was going to do. Yeah, there's like one or two other things that I was going to make as a requirement as in order to

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Just kind of help increase that I don't know. I don't want to say increase that kind of help people with their with their can their commitment to themselves to progress and all of that. So,

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I don't know if that makes any sense. So anyway, so words, the y'all y'all

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Y'all won't be intensive members, but you'll still be in the community and we'll still acting in the same way that we've done at one point, but

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You know, they're all that my private sessions that will be with the new people, but y'all still have like group sessions once a week and whatever to ask questions and still

418
00:33:23.640 --> 00:33:26.720
Talk to me and I'll still be in the group and whatever so

419
00:33:28.960 --> 00:33:30.600
If y'all don't want it to if y'all want

420
00:33:33.240 --> 00:33:35.360
Well, you know, my answer is

421
00:33:36.320 --> 00:33:39.980
See, God not

422
00:33:42.160 --> 00:33:43.000
Provided

423
00:33:44.560 --> 00:33:44.920
Like

424
00:33:50.040 --> 00:33:51.000
The constant continuation, right.

425
00:33:52.560 --> 00:33:54.240
It's a constant continuation

426
00:33:55.240 --> 00:33:55.880
Exactly.

427
00:33:55.880 --> 00:34:10.760
Exactly. Reaffirming. So yeah, I thought about the fact that, well, you know, I want people because people living this life. There's so few people doing it percentage wise, there's so few people doing

428
00:34:11.480 --> 00:34:21.199
And I wanted us to have a community where we were all encouraging each other like, you know, because it's hard if you if you go out and you talk to, I don't know, your parents or friends or neighbors.

429
00:34:22.040 --> 00:34:33.400
And and you feel like a like this. I don't know. You feel like that and I know like that the duck in the middle of the gates or something. You're just like, I do not understand.

430
00:34:34.880 --> 00:34:36.840
One out and yet I'm

431
00:34:38.159 --> 00:34:38.719
Special

432
00:34:39.960 --> 00:34:49.600
And you have a community that is is supportive and it is all living this life. And then you have the new members who are learning how to live this life because we're now

433
00:34:51.280 --> 00:34:54.120
So it's an ongoing thing. But anyway, so

434
00:34:55.480 --> 00:34:56.080
Makes sense.

435
00:34:58.000 --> 00:34:59.960
Because I didn't want to it to just like

436
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.040
start and stop and then people just kind of be like okay well you know where do I go from here

437
00:35:05.040 --> 00:35:09.200
it's kind of like being in a church or whatever well you're not in church for just a short amount

438
00:35:09.200 --> 00:35:16.320
of time so I wanted people because this is so rare you know for people to have a support it's

439
00:35:16.320 --> 00:35:22.160
done as far as like having a community that where this type of thing was talked about

440
00:35:22.160 --> 00:35:26.240
and where they have other people where they're watching our living life the way that they're

441
00:35:27.040 --> 00:35:29.760
choosing to so anyway

442
00:35:34.800 --> 00:35:41.840
well I'm sorry it's been a hard day it's okay I just I'm just hanging on for the ride it feels

443
00:35:41.840 --> 00:35:48.000
like I'm like every day I'm like I don't know what to expect and it just comes and goes and

444
00:35:48.000 --> 00:35:53.520
I'm just glad that I have you to call and cry to someone to understand I'm like I don't know

445
00:35:53.520 --> 00:35:57.520
how someone goes through this without having someone like that understands what you're going

446
00:35:57.520 --> 00:36:09.440
through it's hard it's so hard so that's why the Lord gave me that put it on my heart

447
00:36:10.480 --> 00:36:16.800
to provide this for other people so that they wouldn't have to do so much of what I did where

448
00:36:16.800 --> 00:36:26.880
I didn't ask questions so I mean there were things I went through there there was one person

449
00:36:26.880 --> 00:36:32.880
that I ended up being able to bounce a few just a handful of questions on here and there and I'm

450
00:36:32.880 --> 00:36:39.680
talking about just this handful of questions was a lifesaver but then even then though there were

451
00:36:39.680 --> 00:36:45.360
times where I knew people were out there that were living this but I just didn't

452
00:36:46.240 --> 00:36:52.720
and I didn't have I didn't feel like I had access to them and so I'm just like I'm out

453
00:36:52.720 --> 00:37:00.480
here I'm like Lord what is going on what what is are you doing something or is this indicative of

454
00:37:00.480 --> 00:37:09.120
the fact that I'm like messed it up you know and whatever and there was a time that I was gonna I

455
00:37:09.120 --> 00:37:15.600
was gonna share with the group that there was a time in in learning how to how to go through all

456
00:37:15.600 --> 00:37:23.360
of this where I got down to because I've been going I've been learning how to live this way for

457
00:37:24.480 --> 00:37:34.720
you know for a bit and and so so there was one time there was a time where I had six dollars

458
00:37:34.720 --> 00:37:47.280
and 54 cents to my name and no one knew that meaning God well and I and my internet was about

459
00:37:47.280 --> 00:37:55.520
to be cut off and that was my uh you know that I've I've I do you know you know I do uh uh like

460
00:37:55.520 --> 00:38:04.320
you do offer clients and and um I've been I've been doing internet for internet solid for I don't

461
00:38:05.040 --> 00:38:12.880
a year and a half I guess a little over a year and a half yeah anyway long time and um well I mean

462
00:38:12.880 --> 00:38:16.960
it feels like a long time and there was a time where I was down to six dollars and 50 percent

463
00:38:16.960 --> 00:38:23.200
to my name and I did not have money for internet as like and so I stopped everything I'm supposed

464
00:38:23.200 --> 00:38:29.120
to do I stopped everything and my internet was going to be cut off that day so I told the Lord

465
00:38:29.120 --> 00:38:35.360
the Lord you know I need 70 dollars for my internet I've got nothing and this is how I

466
00:38:35.360 --> 00:38:40.640
interact with people this is whatever what do I do and I calmed myself down

467
00:38:46.480 --> 00:38:51.120
someone talking to you is your husband talking to you he is in the background he's not talking

468
00:38:51.360 --> 00:38:53.840
he's on he has a headset on he's talking to someone else

469
00:38:58.480 --> 00:39:02.960
in any way so I lay down on my bed you know to get calm and quiet and just

470
00:39:02.960 --> 00:39:07.600
and just get with the Lord and so I said this is the situation

471
00:39:09.280 --> 00:39:14.160
what you know whether you what are you going to do you know not like not like a what are you

472
00:39:14.160 --> 00:39:19.360
going to do but just kind of like hey you know I don't know what to do you know you know how are

473
00:39:19.360 --> 00:39:24.640
you you said that you're going to provide for me and you protect me and so I'm choosing to believe

474
00:39:24.640 --> 00:39:33.200
that I don't know what to do what are we going to do and so and so he said hey you know weren't

475
00:39:33.200 --> 00:39:40.560
your parents going to give you money for yeah weren't didn't they say that they were going to

476
00:39:40.560 --> 00:39:47.440
give you 75 dollars for something that you had purchased a while back and I was like yes and

477
00:39:47.440 --> 00:39:54.160
so what did they pay you for that I don't know so I asked my mom you know hey mom did you put

478
00:39:54.160 --> 00:39:59.840
that in my in my bank account and she said no I haven't yet it's 75 dollars no I haven't yet

479
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.000
She said, would you want me to transfer it now?

480
00:40:04.000 --> 00:40:05.000
Sure.

481
00:40:05.000 --> 00:40:08.000
She said, well, I was just waiting on you and letting you know it was a good time.

482
00:40:08.000 --> 00:40:11.000
I said, yeah, yeah, it was a good time.

483
00:40:11.000 --> 00:40:14.000
So she transferred it over.

484
00:40:14.000 --> 00:40:17.000
Oh my goodness.

485
00:40:17.000 --> 00:40:26.000
And then there was another time I had $9 and something cents.

486
00:40:26.000 --> 00:40:37.000
And someone, I ended up getting, within the space of a few hours, $17 from someone.

487
00:40:37.000 --> 00:40:43.000
Yeah, through something very unexpected.

488
00:40:43.000 --> 00:40:46.000
And they ended up giving me $17.

489
00:40:46.000 --> 00:40:54.000
So I went from getting the $17, I went to Walmart to get groceries with that money.

490
00:40:54.000 --> 00:41:00.000
I did not, I did not count the money of what it was I was purchasing.

491
00:41:00.000 --> 00:41:04.000
I just thought, okay, what would I normally buy?

492
00:41:04.000 --> 00:41:08.000
I'd normally buy this number of milk ones.

493
00:41:08.000 --> 00:41:10.000
I'd buy this.

494
00:41:10.000 --> 00:41:12.000
And I'm looking at the milk thinking, you know what?

495
00:41:12.000 --> 00:41:14.000
I don't really need the milk.

496
00:41:14.000 --> 00:41:15.000
That's a luxury.

497
00:41:15.000 --> 00:41:23.000
But then I thought, yeah, but actually, if you had the money, would you normally get milk?

498
00:41:23.000 --> 00:41:25.000
Like, yes, I would.

499
00:41:25.000 --> 00:41:33.000
You know, but hey, God's going to, I don't have to scrimp and all that.

500
00:41:33.000 --> 00:41:35.000
So I filled, I got all of my things.

501
00:41:35.000 --> 00:41:37.000
I went to, I went to the self-checkout.

502
00:41:37.000 --> 00:41:42.000
Everything was $17 and 59 cents.

503
00:41:42.000 --> 00:41:44.000
Wow.

504
00:41:44.000 --> 00:41:48.000
Because he's just providing records.

505
00:41:48.000 --> 00:41:50.000
He's always going to provide.

506
00:41:51.000 --> 00:41:55.000
I don't have to, my bank account doesn't indicate anything.

507
00:41:55.000 --> 00:41:58.000
I just continually know.

508
00:41:58.000 --> 00:42:02.000
And here's the thing was, it wasn't that I was believing.

509
00:42:02.000 --> 00:42:05.000
I was believing that I was loved.

510
00:42:05.000 --> 00:42:09.000
I just believe I'm loved.

511
00:42:09.000 --> 00:42:11.000
Just believe I'm loved.

512
00:42:11.000 --> 00:42:13.000
And I see the money in my bank account.

513
00:42:13.000 --> 00:42:15.000
I'm like, okay, Lord, I believe that I'm loved.

514
00:42:15.000 --> 00:42:16.000
I believe you love me.

515
00:42:17.000 --> 00:42:21.000
I don't really know what to do because the internet says it's $70.

516
00:42:21.000 --> 00:42:23.000
I don't know what I'm going to do.

517
00:42:23.000 --> 00:42:31.000
And I've looked at options about lowering it and figure out, well, could I do that?

518
00:42:31.000 --> 00:42:35.000
And still do, you know, what is required for my business?

519
00:42:35.000 --> 00:42:37.000
And no, I couldn't.

520
00:42:37.000 --> 00:42:39.000
I had to have the 70 package.

521
00:42:39.000 --> 00:42:43.000
And so I'm like, okay, Lord, I don't know how you want to provide for this situation.

522
00:42:44.000 --> 00:42:45.000
But here's my situation.

523
00:42:45.000 --> 00:42:47.000
What would you like me to do?

524
00:42:47.000 --> 00:42:49.000
And that's when he responded to me.

525
00:42:49.000 --> 00:42:53.000
And then later on, you know, I only had $9 and something cents.

526
00:42:53.000 --> 00:42:57.000
And they provided the exact money that I was going to get groceries.

527
00:42:57.000 --> 00:42:59.000
And I thought, how am I going to get groceries?

528
00:42:59.000 --> 00:43:02.000
And he provided for me.

529
00:43:02.000 --> 00:43:05.000
You know, it's just new records in me of him.

530
00:43:05.000 --> 00:43:08.000
And the point isn't that I'm getting certain dollars.

531
00:43:09.000 --> 00:43:15.000
It was that that's what, because speak to me in a language that I'm going to enter.

532
00:43:15.000 --> 00:43:20.000
And he's not ever going to be out to me.

533
00:43:20.000 --> 00:43:24.000
So, and he's done that in relationships.

534
00:43:24.000 --> 00:43:28.000
He's done that in business.

535
00:43:28.000 --> 00:43:35.000
He's done that in all kinds of, he's constantly creating new records in me that he will not ever abandon me.

536
00:43:35.000 --> 00:43:36.000
And I'm choosing.

537
00:43:36.000 --> 00:43:38.000
And to me, because I'm choosing.

538
00:43:47.000 --> 00:43:51.000
That's interesting though, because I was just thinking like, I,

539
00:43:51.000 --> 00:43:55.000
I'm not one to like worry about finances or provisions.

540
00:43:55.000 --> 00:43:58.000
Like I literally like money was such a big deal in our house growing up.

541
00:43:58.000 --> 00:44:01.000
Like I could literally, I literally don't care what we have in our bank account ever.

542
00:44:01.000 --> 00:44:03.000
It's just not a big deal to me.

543
00:44:04.000 --> 00:44:09.000
And, but there's like, there's so many things that, that the Lord,

544
00:44:09.000 --> 00:44:13.000
that God has done like miraculously, like sending us checks.

545
00:44:13.000 --> 00:44:17.000
When I literally like, didn't even know what was in our account.

546
00:44:17.000 --> 00:44:22.000
And there's so many things like even in our marriage and with Eric and like,

547
00:44:22.000 --> 00:44:27.000
there's so many things here physically in my world that are miraculous,

548
00:44:27.000 --> 00:44:30.000
but then I'm still like, where are you God?

549
00:44:30.000 --> 00:44:35.000
But I guess I never thought that that is his way of communicating with me.

550
00:44:35.000 --> 00:44:39.000
In the spiritual sense. I mean, in essence, that's what you're saying, right?

551
00:44:39.000 --> 00:44:41.000
Speaking it in a language that I understand.

552
00:44:41.000 --> 00:44:42.000
Yeah.

553
00:44:42.000 --> 00:44:48.000
You're going to see and interpret it as loving, loving you.

554
00:44:51.000 --> 00:44:58.000
Do you know if there's some other area that he's not coming through for you in?

555
00:44:58.000 --> 00:44:59.000
And, and so that.

556
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.120
Do you feel that you're going to be banned?

557
00:45:03.120 --> 00:45:06.680
Or what is the area that you feel most threatened

558
00:45:06.680 --> 00:45:09.480
that he might abandon you in?

559
00:45:09.480 --> 00:45:12.040
Oh, I would say definitely health.

560
00:45:12.040 --> 00:45:12.520
Oh, really?

561
00:45:12.520 --> 00:45:13.120
In the health?

562
00:45:13.120 --> 00:45:13.720
OK.

563
00:45:13.720 --> 00:45:15.440
So like, for my family.

564
00:45:15.440 --> 00:45:17.160
Not necessarily specifically for me.

565
00:45:17.160 --> 00:45:22.080
But Josh has celiacs where he goes into anaphylactic shock

566
00:45:22.080 --> 00:45:23.360
and could die.

567
00:45:23.360 --> 00:45:25.800
And Eric has an extremely bad egg allergy

568
00:45:25.800 --> 00:45:27.880
where his throat closes and he can't breathe.

569
00:45:27.880 --> 00:45:29.960
And I'm like, when are you?

570
00:45:29.960 --> 00:45:30.880
I'm just waiting.

571
00:45:30.880 --> 00:45:35.600
When is the day that one of my loved ones are going to die?

572
00:45:35.600 --> 00:45:36.560
That is my struggle.

573
00:45:36.560 --> 00:45:40.400
And I'm like, how can I have faith and feed my husband?

574
00:45:40.400 --> 00:45:43.760
Does that mean feeding my husband something that the doctors

575
00:45:43.760 --> 00:45:47.520
will say will kill him?

576
00:45:47.520 --> 00:45:48.720
That's my hang up.

577
00:45:48.720 --> 00:45:55.120
I mean, financially, provision, I never stay awake at night.

578
00:45:55.120 --> 00:45:56.720
We have been overdrawn in our account.

579
00:45:56.720 --> 00:45:58.960
And it still doesn't stress me out.

580
00:45:58.960 --> 00:46:03.720
And even relationships don't really

581
00:46:03.720 --> 00:46:04.920
seem to bother me that much.

582
00:46:04.920 --> 00:46:07.960
Our marriage, it was at one point just extremely

583
00:46:07.960 --> 00:46:08.680
malfunctioning.

584
00:46:08.680 --> 00:46:11.760
But it's not anymore.

585
00:46:11.760 --> 00:46:16.280
But I think that the one thing is health.

586
00:46:16.280 --> 00:46:19.560
Well, especially since it's affecting the ones that I love

587
00:46:19.560 --> 00:46:23.080
and the ones that provide for me and protect me.

588
00:46:23.080 --> 00:46:25.680
So it's not necessarily something happening to me.

589
00:46:25.720 --> 00:46:29.960
It's something happening to the ones who are taking care of me,

590
00:46:29.960 --> 00:46:31.120
if that makes sense.

591
00:46:31.120 --> 00:46:32.560
Yeah, very much so.

592
00:46:32.560 --> 00:46:33.520
Yeah.

593
00:46:33.520 --> 00:46:34.280
Yeah.

594
00:46:34.280 --> 00:46:38.800
That's where your concerns that you might feel that God

595
00:46:38.800 --> 00:46:42.040
might abandon you.

596
00:46:42.040 --> 00:46:43.320
Yeah.

597
00:46:43.320 --> 00:46:46.720
Yeah, but that's why I get so confused.

598
00:46:46.720 --> 00:46:49.440
Because I'm like, what more is it going to take

599
00:46:49.440 --> 00:46:51.040
to make that connection?

600
00:46:51.040 --> 00:46:53.360
Because, I mean, it seemed like the Lord literally

601
00:46:53.400 --> 00:46:56.360
made a garden physically in my backyard by Himself.

602
00:46:56.360 --> 00:46:58.840
Like, I didn't even have to do anything.

603
00:46:58.840 --> 00:47:00.440
And I'm like, what more?

604
00:47:00.440 --> 00:47:01.680
I feel frustrated with myself.

605
00:47:01.680 --> 00:47:04.040
Because sometimes I'm like, what more is it

606
00:47:04.040 --> 00:47:05.760
going to take for it to click?

607
00:47:05.760 --> 00:47:07.360
Because there are so many things where I'm like,

608
00:47:07.360 --> 00:47:09.200
I know that that was God.

609
00:47:09.200 --> 00:47:13.400
But it still doesn't end that fear in me.

610
00:47:13.400 --> 00:47:14.080
Yeah.

611
00:47:14.080 --> 00:47:16.800
Well, you can remember that, again,

612
00:47:16.800 --> 00:47:20.720
believing by hearing and hearing by the word.

613
00:47:20.760 --> 00:47:23.600
His word speaks in a variety of ways.

614
00:47:23.600 --> 00:47:30.040
So His word is speaking through how He's providing for y'all,

615
00:47:30.040 --> 00:47:37.240
or in your marriage, or in your parenting, or whatever.

616
00:47:37.240 --> 00:47:40.720
So He's going to continue to speak to you

617
00:47:40.720 --> 00:47:46.880
in those sort of ways, and in the word, and in all of that.

618
00:47:46.880 --> 00:47:52.280
You just take in the words that He's speaking to you

619
00:47:52.280 --> 00:47:54.520
in a variety of ways that He's speaking,

620
00:47:54.520 --> 00:47:57.840
which is how He's coming through in various areas,

621
00:47:57.840 --> 00:48:00.400
including how you feel Him in your spirit,

622
00:48:00.400 --> 00:48:02.160
including what it is you read in the Bible,

623
00:48:02.160 --> 00:48:05.880
and that really ministers to you, and just whatever.

624
00:48:05.880 --> 00:48:08.760
The variety of ways in which we receive His word,

625
00:48:08.760 --> 00:48:11.680
we're going to hear it, and then we're going to believe it.

626
00:48:11.680 --> 00:48:13.680
So we don't, again, we don't have

627
00:48:13.680 --> 00:48:19.400
to worry about all of these things, and try, try, try.

628
00:48:19.400 --> 00:48:26.680
We're going to just choose the truth, receive it,

629
00:48:26.680 --> 00:48:28.680
and then we will naturally believe it.

630
00:48:28.680 --> 00:48:31.320
No rhyme or rhyme, that's what it was.

631
00:48:31.320 --> 00:48:33.080
I can tell you what I talked about.

632
00:48:33.080 --> 00:48:35.040
Once we get rid of the other stuff,

633
00:48:35.040 --> 00:48:37.000
we don't even have to try to receive it.

634
00:48:37.000 --> 00:48:40.520
We just naturally do, because it's in our nature to receive it.

635
00:48:40.520 --> 00:48:41.760
It's in our nature.

636
00:48:41.800 --> 00:48:44.040
And really, I'm going to probably, for the next group,

637
00:48:44.040 --> 00:48:45.840
I'm going to describe that a bit differently,

638
00:48:45.840 --> 00:48:52.880
because I feel that that picture is a very limited view,

639
00:48:52.880 --> 00:48:55.680
because we're not being filled up with something.

640
00:48:55.680 --> 00:49:00.760
We already are that thing in our nature, and it can't come to us.

641
00:49:00.760 --> 00:49:03.760
So I don't, that picture kind of helped me in the beginning,

642
00:49:03.760 --> 00:49:06.000
and so I used it for other people,

643
00:49:06.000 --> 00:49:08.160
but I'm going to describe it to you all,

644
00:49:08.160 --> 00:49:10.000
but I realized, oh, it just feels so limited,

645
00:49:10.000 --> 00:49:12.200
because it's so much more than that.

646
00:49:12.200 --> 00:49:16.880
But my point is, again, just, so don't worry so much about,

647
00:49:16.880 --> 00:49:19.440
oh, my word, how much more is it going to take?

648
00:49:19.440 --> 00:49:22.840
Just gratefully, you know, as in like, you know,

649
00:49:22.840 --> 00:49:28.400
with an open heart and an open spirit, receive whatever he gives,

650
00:49:28.400 --> 00:49:30.400
and then he will continue to give it,

651
00:49:30.400 --> 00:49:33.120
and you will continue to seek him, because you want it.

652
00:49:33.120 --> 00:49:35.720
You'll continue to seek his word in various areas,

653
00:49:35.720 --> 00:49:38.880
whether it be seeing it in the way you provide it for your garden

654
00:49:38.880 --> 00:49:40.840
or the way he's providing in your marriage

655
00:49:40.840 --> 00:49:44.280
or the way he's providing in your, with your child,

656
00:49:44.280 --> 00:49:46.720
the way he's providing in health, the way he's providing with business,

657
00:49:46.720 --> 00:49:48.360
the way he's providing with clients.

658
00:49:48.360 --> 00:49:50.440
He's bringing you clients, but you said, you're like,

659
00:49:50.440 --> 00:49:51.800
I don't even always bring you clients.

660
00:49:51.800 --> 00:49:53.360
I think that's wonderful.

661
00:49:53.360 --> 00:49:58.200
It's like a place of rest for us, just like, hey, it's fine.

662
00:49:58.200 --> 00:50:00.200
Let me do it.

663
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:08.440
Just receive all of those things and don't stand in resistance of them.

664
00:50:08.440 --> 00:50:13.800
For the others to drop and then you will come to naturally believe it.

665
00:50:13.800 --> 00:50:19.200
You don't have to try to believe it, you just receive everything with an open heart as opposed

666
00:50:19.200 --> 00:50:26.680
to, there was actually something I was going to post today in the group, but let me just

667
00:50:26.680 --> 00:50:32.920
read it to you.

668
00:50:32.920 --> 00:50:40.040
That God doesn't want us to live the journey in anticipation of a possible disappointment.

669
00:50:40.040 --> 00:50:44.960
We're constantly in anticipation of a disappointment.

670
00:50:44.960 --> 00:50:50.600
In other words, God does not want us to live and does not mean us to live in such a way

671
00:50:50.600 --> 00:50:53.640
as where we're constantly trying to avoid pain.

672
00:50:53.640 --> 00:50:56.160
That is no way to live.

673
00:50:56.160 --> 00:51:00.480
We're constantly trying to mitigate risk.

674
00:51:00.480 --> 00:51:02.920
Just receive what he's giving you with an open heart.

675
00:51:02.920 --> 00:51:06.280
Don't worry about the fact that, oh my word, how much more is it going to take until I

676
00:51:06.280 --> 00:51:07.280
believe.

677
00:51:07.280 --> 00:51:11.680
If you naturally receive everything that he's given you very gratefully and with an open

678
00:51:11.680 --> 00:51:15.880
heart, again, you don't have to try, you don't have to try to drum up a feeling.

679
00:51:15.880 --> 00:51:18.000
You just openly receive it.

680
00:51:18.000 --> 00:51:22.080
Don't think, oh my word, what strings are coming with this?

681
00:51:22.080 --> 00:51:26.120
What strings are attached to this?

682
00:51:26.120 --> 00:51:28.520
When's the shoe going to drop?

683
00:51:28.520 --> 00:51:31.520
Allow yourself to be vulnerable to the Lord.

684
00:51:31.520 --> 00:51:36.840
Allow yourself to open up and then you are naturally going to believe.

685
00:51:36.840 --> 00:51:38.640
You don't have to try for that.

686
00:51:38.640 --> 00:51:44.040
The difficult thing is that we have to open ourselves up to be vulnerable.

687
00:51:44.040 --> 00:51:52.880
Believe it and not allow ourselves to constantly wait for the other shoe to drop.

688
00:51:52.880 --> 00:51:54.960
That's all that he wants.

689
00:51:54.960 --> 00:51:58.400
Because waiting for that shoe to drop is resistance.

690
00:51:58.400 --> 00:52:01.840
You know, give your attention, it's anticipation of disappointment.

691
00:52:01.840 --> 00:52:04.320
That's what that attention is.

692
00:52:04.320 --> 00:52:05.320
It's just waiting.

693
00:52:05.320 --> 00:52:12.560
It's just, I'm just hanging on and God's like, that's what I want you to let go of.

694
00:52:12.560 --> 00:52:14.040
That's what true love is.

695
00:52:14.040 --> 00:52:16.240
It's total vulnerability.

696
00:52:16.240 --> 00:52:20.480
It's like, oh my word, what could happen?

697
00:52:20.480 --> 00:52:26.640
And when you do that, that's all he's asking for is giving up of that resistance, releasing

698
00:52:26.640 --> 00:52:31.720
and you will naturally receive belief without words.

699
00:52:31.720 --> 00:52:35.320
Belief and belief is effortless to your journey.

700
00:52:35.320 --> 00:52:42.800
Don't worry that, oh my word, how much more is it going to take?

701
00:52:42.800 --> 00:52:49.000
Um, this, whatever, however much it takes to, uh, for you to let go.

702
00:52:49.520 --> 00:52:53.960
So if you let go now, I'm just like, okay, Lord, I'm going to allow myself to be open

703
00:52:53.960 --> 00:52:54.960
and vulnerable.

704
00:52:54.960 --> 00:53:01.400
Then, um, then, uh, anyway, healing and belief will come in naturally.

705
00:53:01.400 --> 00:53:04.080
That's very helpful.

706
00:53:04.080 --> 00:53:11.800
Cause I feel like I felt stuck because I knew that what I was doing before, or what I was

707
00:53:11.800 --> 00:53:17.960
basically what you were saying about believing and the striving to work something up out

708
00:53:17.960 --> 00:53:20.480
of yourself.

709
00:53:20.480 --> 00:53:22.880
And that was what I thought, like, that's the only option.

710
00:53:22.880 --> 00:53:23.880
And I refuse to do it.

711
00:53:23.880 --> 00:53:24.880
I'm like, I'm not, I'm not doing it.

712
00:53:24.880 --> 00:53:32.800
And so I'm like, okay, well then where, where else am I like, how else, how else am I supposed

713
00:53:32.800 --> 00:53:33.800
to believe?

714
00:53:33.800 --> 00:53:34.800
You know what I mean?

715
00:53:34.800 --> 00:53:39.560
Um, but that really helps clarify a lot of what I was feeling and all that stuff.

716
00:53:39.560 --> 00:53:42.560
So answers a lot of my questions.

717
00:53:42.560 --> 00:53:43.560
Definitely.

718
00:53:43.560 --> 00:53:44.560
Yeah.

719
00:53:44.560 --> 00:53:50.920
Well, I'm sorry you had a hard day and I'm really glad that you, that you recognize that's

720
00:53:50.920 --> 00:53:54.720
what I was just here for.

721
00:53:54.720 --> 00:53:57.040
Thanks so much for hopping on so late.

722
00:53:57.040 --> 00:53:58.040
My goodness.

723
00:53:58.040 --> 00:53:59.040
I'm glad to.

724
00:53:59.040 --> 00:54:02.040
It's a lot later for you, for you.

725
00:54:02.040 --> 00:54:04.040
What time is it?

726
00:54:04.040 --> 00:54:07.040
I don't even, it's 1125 for you.

727
00:54:07.040 --> 00:54:09.040
It's 1025 for me.

728
00:54:09.040 --> 00:54:10.040
See the time.

729
00:54:10.040 --> 00:54:11.040
It won't feel so.

730
00:54:11.040 --> 00:54:12.040
Awesome.

731
00:54:13.040 --> 00:54:16.040
I'll feel it tomorrow morning when Eric wakes up, I'm sure.

732
00:54:16.040 --> 00:54:20.040
Well, I'm glad I got to visit with you.

733
00:54:20.040 --> 00:54:21.040
Yeah, I am too.

734
00:54:21.040 --> 00:54:22.040
Thanks a lot.

735
00:54:22.040 --> 00:54:26.040
Thank you very much for hopping on even after you were on your long client call.

736
00:54:26.040 --> 00:54:28.040
It means a lot.

737
00:54:28.040 --> 00:54:29.040
I'm glad.

738
00:54:29.040 --> 00:54:30.040
I'm so glad.

739
00:54:30.040 --> 00:54:36.040
Well, I hope you sleep well and, and that the Lord just gives you lots of, lots of peace

740
00:54:36.040 --> 00:54:37.040
tonight.

741
00:54:37.040 --> 00:54:42.040
And that one of the things that you can do when you go to sleep, if you can ask him that

742
00:54:42.040 --> 00:54:50.040
in spirit while you're sleeping, you know, to just help your soul to just let go, to

743
00:54:50.040 --> 00:54:53.040
let go and to release while you're sleeping.

744
00:54:53.040 --> 00:54:57.040
Your spirit, your spirit man can work on that as well.

745
00:54:57.040 --> 00:55:00.040
And because he.

746
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.240
And and then you can just tell your soul. I know all this sounds funny or might sound funny. It sounded funny

747
00:55:06.240 --> 00:55:10.160
You may laugh or sure about stuff like this, but we can tell our soul. Hey, but

748
00:55:10.760 --> 00:55:12.240
You're okay

749
00:55:12.240 --> 00:55:18.320
All okay. I need you while you're sleeping to give ever to the spirit. Let the spirit man come in

750
00:55:18.320 --> 00:55:25.920
You're fully protected. You're fully saved. Let him come in. Let him heal you just release just let go and then work will be done

751
00:55:25.920 --> 00:55:27.920
While you're sleeping

752
00:55:27.920 --> 00:55:29.360
No

753
00:55:29.360 --> 00:55:33.200
So anyway, we don't because again, they're awake just means that our our

754
00:55:34.080 --> 00:55:36.080
Bond is there

755
00:55:36.880 --> 00:55:38.000
Something

756
00:55:38.000 --> 00:55:43.120
Our body is conscious. I think that our soul can be conscious. Yeah, our soul can be conscious people when our body's not

757
00:55:43.440 --> 00:55:45.440
Which is why we get this dreams

758
00:55:45.920 --> 00:55:47.920
so

759
00:55:50.080 --> 00:55:54.580
Okay, well thanks so much for your time I really appreciate it helped tremendously

760
00:55:55.520 --> 00:55:57.520
I'm glad I'm glad you thought

761
00:55:58.080 --> 00:56:02.080
I'll talk to you tomorrow. I will I will see you if you're able to get on the gym. I'll see you

762
00:56:02.640 --> 00:56:06.320
Yeah, I don't I don't know. Maybe by tomorrow. I'll have more questions

763
00:56:07.280 --> 00:56:08.640
I don't know

764
00:56:08.640 --> 00:56:10.240
Yeah, i'll hop on

765
00:56:10.240 --> 00:56:12.240
Okay, I don't have anything to ask

766
00:56:12.640 --> 00:56:15.780
That was good. All right. See you ashley. Bye