WEBVTT

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Okay.

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Hello. Hi.

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Hi, how are you?

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I'm good. How are you?

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I seriously need to work on my lighting.

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On your what?

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My lighting.

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Oh,

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Yeah.

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I'm doing all right.

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Yeah.

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Oh, I'm sorry.

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You had sent me a message and I didn't read the message.

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Oh,

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It wasn't anything important.

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Okay.

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I will. Okay. I just wanted to make sure.

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Okay.

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You hadn't like asked a question or something.

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Yeah, no, no, no.

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Yeah.

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Have you been.

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I've been, I think.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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So I'm going to break it down.

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I've had some really good experiences.

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And some challenging ones.

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I had two really, really good experiences.

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One of them was.

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That.

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I'm a teacher in Chinese and English.

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Oh, okay.

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And.

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I did a big mistake.

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I was on the bus on my phone and someone heard it.

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Pupils.

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Like I.

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Pupils.

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Oh, you're.

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Oh, my people.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And it became kind of a big deal where they went into kind of

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attacking.

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And it was a mistake. I did a mistake and.

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And.

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Before a mistake like that would have gotten me.

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I don't know, devastated.

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Yeah.

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And just to really like thrown off and just like,

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like horrible and remorseful and just like so much condemnation and

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guilt.

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And then I could tell, you know, when you hear someone.

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And you realize you've done a big mistake.

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Yeah.

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But then.

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I just kind of was like,

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All right.

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I was able to just stay in it.

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And not run away from my responsibility,

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not kind of a defend myself.

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But kind of just take it in without going into deep condemnation.

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Yeah.

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And that was, that was a big thing.

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And that was, that was a big thing.

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And that's where at the same time I wasn't in.

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Going.

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They were kind of attacking me, which is.

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Thing.

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But I.

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Kind of let the attack fall off.

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Because I realized I hadn't, it was a mistake,

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but I knew that it's not at that. It was a mistake.

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But I knew that.

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I knew that it was a mistake.

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And I knew that I was not.

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Visible in attacking me.

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So I was even those, they,

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they saw it unclearly and they attacked me. I.

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I didn't go into condemnation.

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And I just heard them out and thought about it and prayed about it.

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And I didn't go into.

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Guilt.

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And I just realized, okay, I just need to say.

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I did a mistake. I hope, can you forgive me?

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I didn't want you to trust me.

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I didn't mean any harm and yeah.

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And then I could feel, and then the next morning.

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Some parents had gotten involved and have been writing emails to the

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teachers and the teachers were coming to me.

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So kind of like.

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It was blowing up a little bit.

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But then I.

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I, and then I could feel.

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I could feel it.

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I could feel it.

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I could feel it.

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And I didn't go into condemnation,

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but then I just asked the parent to parent to pray.

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And then I went to the classroom.

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Eight 28 students.

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And just ask for forgiveness.

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And we talked about mistakes and I, and the whole room changed.

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Like everything changed.

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Yeah.

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Everything they received my.

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Yeah.

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And then I was able to ask them questions. Like,

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why would you attack me? I did something wrong.

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But your response is attacking.

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You know, so we got like anything from like.

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The talk about making mistakes too.

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How do you respond when someone does a mistake?

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Like, why don't you trust me? Like if you trusted me, you wouldn't.

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Yeah.

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So.

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I.

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I would, I have that experience.

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it's very good yeah i'm like oh my gosh yeah it was really incredible it's hard to uh it's hard

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to think like that in the moment meaning like make a choice especially when you're being attacked

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especially when things are public in other words other people know and when you have done a mistake

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it's like you're in the wrong that you haven't even met your own standard so yeah yeah you're

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having your own standard it's public and then people are attacking you for it that is extremely

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difficult in a situation like that to choose no i know that is huge and you did it it's huge

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it's like that is huge yeah and some of the teachers were starting to question me i felt

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but the way i handled it and kind of like i didn't go into like oh i'm so horrible i did

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i was kind of like yes it was a mistake i'm gonna say that i'm sorry uh but i uh but then i kind of

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just like i kind of stood in it like i was me i was i was um i was standing i like i never crumbled

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under under the pressure and like people start perception because they like me and then you can

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feel them yes it's changing of you like can we really trust her and then i'm like yes you can

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trust me even when i do mistakes yeah correct yeah so that was like so amazing and then uh

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i told you that i had my heart broken by a man which is uh has been it's a very it's a long

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story but my heart was has totally been broken and i felt like i needed to leave the church i

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asked for godly counsel and everyone around me were like it's too difficult the whole situation

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he's the youth he's the um he speaks in church he's the worship leader he's always on stage it's

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like lots of things that makes it difficult to continue so i decided the healthiest thing was

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to leave and then right before i was going to leave i felt the lord tell me i want you to go

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through it and i was like okay i really don't want to i don't really don't think that's healthy

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but if you want that i will do it so i decided to continue in the church and to go through it

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but obviously it's been very hard and i felt the victory for doing it but also a lot of pain

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and because he is so public being the worship leader and the speaker and it's a small church

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and we used to be good friends and everything and then on this sunday and so what i've been

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i've been coming late to church like after worship uh-huh but then this sunday i'm like okay i'm

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gonna go to worship this sunday even though he leads and i don't know if he's gonna speak or

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what he's gonna do and then i came and uh it was just incredible he was leading worship for a long

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time and for the first time what happened was that i i received him it was just so like like

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before i've been coming to church and you're protecting yourself or asking god to protect

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you and there's like this resistance yeah because you've been hurt yeah but this time it's like i'm

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still hurt i'm still heartbroken but i'm allowing you to be just you and i receive your worship

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leading i wish to see your voice you say speaking over the church i receive it i'm blessed by your

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beautiful voice i was like oh my gosh this is a miracle i know the lord changes the lord

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transforms yeah it's incredible just like feeling like i i nothing has really changed in the

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situation i still am hurt yeah but i allow but i didn't let the enemy take me away from the church

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or not being able to be blessed by what he's actually doing even though he hurt me it's it's

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not i don't know how i was able to just receive him all of him without thinking oh no he likes me

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or now this is gonna happen just like no it's not gonna happen we're not gonna be together

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and i am hurt but i still receive all of you wasn't it crazy huge yes but that that's what

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it's like that's what it's like to be one with christ where you are seeing someone through

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christ's eyes and you're interacting with them because you have no need to offer it to to feel

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separated and alone is if you have to protect yourself you're in the being that'll protect you

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and then if you as long as you know that you're protected that you're safe that you have

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of what it is that you need, you can see other people,

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the way that Christ sees them,

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interact with them like that,

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instead of closing off, instead of self-protecting

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or whatever.

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It's a totally different way to reflect.

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That's wonderful.

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I'm so excited for you.

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Yeah, that's huge.

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Yeah.

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So, and then what were your challenges?

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My challenges has been more that I feel like

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I'm not being able to let go of stress

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during the day and during my work.

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And I, like a lot of the time I'm in stress or pain.

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And I know some of the things

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because I have gone to therapy for many years

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and I have gone for healing and prayer.

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It is, I don't know.

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It's, I don't even know how to explain it.

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It's just, it's just pain and stress.

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And I know some of it comes from my first living years

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that I haven't been able to attach through my first years.

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So it would affect, it affected my brain.

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And I know that I have a attachment disorder.

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So, and I know that I go into, I don't know,

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you cringe or you, I don't know,

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there's nothing that gets me out of that.

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Do you know about the regulation window?

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Like where you regulate yourself within?

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It's a psychological term.

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I very often is outside of it

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where you are in pain or in stress or in, yeah.

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And I, like, for instance,

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if I come home after a day at work and it's been a hard day,

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I can't lay on the couch and just rest.

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I'm in, I'm kind of in pain or in stress

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and just a lot of mental and confusion in my mind

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that's allowing me from coming into rest.

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And through the day, like for instance, on Monday, yesterday,

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I had, I have very busy days on Monday.

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And then I can just tell during the day

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that I'm not in rest and I don't know how to get there.

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And even if I take five minutes break

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and go to the bathroom and kind of like, okay, breathe.

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It's like, I can't seem to be able to go shift into rest.

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So then I come home and I'm totally exhausted

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and I lay on the couch

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and I'm not able to rest there either.

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So what helps is that I always need to distract myself,

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but it's sometimes it feels like

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I shouldn't have to always distract myself from pain.

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I don't know, I should be able to just, I don't know.

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Yeah.

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No, no, you're right.

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We shouldn't distract ourselves from pain.

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We should be able to move through it

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to just let the thing go.

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Yeah.

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We don't have to live like that in other words.

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And so-

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The thing is that if you distract yourself,

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I said like, oh, you go for a run or you go for a walk

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or you do something, it helps.

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But then what about those times

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where you're not able to do that?

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Right.

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And that's where I am at times.

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I get so tired or that I can't distract myself

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and then I just end up in pain and stress.

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Yes.

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And then also those things are coping mechanisms

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is simply ignoring it and not dealing with it.

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So it's still there.

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So it's still gonna come up.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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It's just kind of like, you know,

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putting a bandaid on the symptom

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but not dealing with the root.

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And therefore you're always,

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therefore it makes our life about managing our pain.

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Yes.

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Yeah.

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You know, instead of living a fuller life.

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And that means that a lot of our,

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that means that all of our energy is going towards,

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going towards, like I said, managing our pain

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as opposed to moving forward into the future,

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being filled and enriched by the Lord

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in other things and other dreams

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and living a bigger, fuller, richer life or whatever.

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And we can't bring the same level of power

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to other, to the world and to our own,

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our own selves, you know, our own flesh.

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If we're always in this fight or flight mode

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where we're managing the fact that our soul

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is just simply scared, really.

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And because, let's see,

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you said that you watched through session four, right?

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But I have watched them this summer.

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All of them.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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So you remember the spirit, soul and body topic.

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Okay.

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The three rounds that my friend got as a,

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at kind of like a picture of, you know, what our interactions, you know, in life

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look like is kind of like a spirit realm, soul realm, and the body realm.

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And so soul and our body are our flesh.

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And what we're doing here on earth is our, our identity is in our spirit.

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It's not in our soul or our body.

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Yes, we are our soul and our body.

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And the fact that it's, we're unified as spirit, soul, and body, but the place

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where our identity is seated is in our spirit, which was created first, you

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know, and it says that in Ephesians one, four, God chose us in him before the

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creation of the world, et cetera.

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Anyway, so that aspect of us was created first and it was created in

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order to have relationship with him.

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So what we were here doing here on earth is before the fall, God created Adam.

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And so therefore there was some kind of a purpose in expanding Adam from spirit

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to give him flesh and put him here on this earth that didn't have anything to

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do with sin, because all of that happened before Adam ever sinned and who knows

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how long he was here before he sent.

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I mean, it could have been thousands of years.

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I don't know.

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You know?

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So in other words, there was some purpose for it.

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So, and that was to express God and us in the Lord together, who it is that we

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are together with the Lord into the visible realm, into creation, and then

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for us to also have a kingdom in which we are having dominion over, just like,

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you know, Adam was given dominion over creation, that is our kingdom to have

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dominion over, in other words, to express kindness, protection, love, provision

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for, in the same way that God provides as a king for his kingdom and that he

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provides us with, so he's our father and we're supposed to look like our father.

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So if our father's a good king in his kingdom, he gave us the kingdom to be,

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to express those same characteristics in our kingdom, and that's what we're doing

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here, but then when Adam fell and he was like, no, no, no, I'm not going to rely

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on the Lord, you know, I, what if God's holding out on me?

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I want to know the difference between good and evil, because before he, before

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they ate the fruit, they didn't know the difference and they were perfect and

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they were fine and they ruled righteously.

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Older came in, they ruled creation and had dominion over it, took care of it

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righteously, so they're apparently, we didn't have to know the difference

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between good and evil, so anyway, but now that they knew the difference and

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whatever, God's just like, well, you're choosing to rely on yourself, you know,

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on what it is that you know, on the things basically outside of you to be

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sourced by like knowledge, principles, you know, of good and evil, you know,

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whatever things outside of you in order to give you direction, in order to give

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you, you know, uh, in order to source and determine the outcomes that you get in

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life, it's like, okay, what do I learn so that I can plug it into a formula and

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get a particular result as opposed to what God wants us to do, which is to rely

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on him and to rely on our connect on the fact that we're unified with him and we

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need to be expressing his spirit and it's his spirit that'll create the result in

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our lives, but that requires that we give up control and that sometimes we don't

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know what's going on, but we're not looking at this arbitrary list of do's

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and don'ts and rights and wrongs and shoulds and shouldn'ts and goods and

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evils outside of us, these principles outside of us, instead we're relying on

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the character of the Lord by which we live.

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So anyway, that's what it is that we're being called to shift to, but because of,

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because of, uh, uh, because of the choice that not only Adam made, but that we

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continue to make our flesh, the soul and the body is subject to corruption.

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It's subject to death.

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And our spirit now is needing to come in and, and overcome the flesh.

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In other words, overcome the aspect of our flesh that is subject to corruption.

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So we're not going to obliterate our flesh.

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We're not going to obliterate, obliterate, meaning like, uh, kind of like, uh,

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a shift into non-existence like non-exist.

331
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So it's more than just killing it.

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It's as if like, boom, it doesn't exist anymore, you know?

333
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Um, and, uh, so that's not what we're doing with our flesh.

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What we're doing is we're transforming it from being subject, subject to

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corruption and fear of God and not believing God, et cetera, we're transitioning.

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it into spirit so that it believes its father. It feels protected by its father. It chooses

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to believe its father, etc. And so that's what it is that we're doing. So my point is that

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our process throughout our day is that we are being presented with, and I don't mean that

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God's just put us through this. It just puts us through one big test all day. I don't mean it like

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that. I mean that just by the very nature of the fact that the world operates in the way

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that it does, we wake up every day into a world in which we're always being presented

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with some aspect of flesh, ourselves, or creation outside of us, that doesn't believe God. And we

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have to come in in our spirit and choose a higher power, a higher authority, a higher truth,

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and overcome the flesh by choosing to believe God instead of what our flesh is saying, where

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we're not protected, we're not provided for, you know, I have to figure all of this stuff out,

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and if I don't figure it out on my own, well then, you know, then there's the word that I'm looking

347
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for, but that, you know, I'm not safe, etc. And we have to choose no matter what this fleshly world

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manifests, no matter what it looks like, that's not the truth. The truth is I am protected,

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I am provided for, etc. And by choosing this over this, this will be overcome. In other words,

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it will transform into spirit because we're choosing a higher truth. So the higher truth

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will perform a miracle, and it will supersede and be more powerful than the world's truth that no,

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you're not protected, and you've got to do it all on your own, etc. And so then God will come in,

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and you're allowing him to protect you, him to provide for you, him to create the results in

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your life. And that proves to creation because you made a higher choice, that because you made

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the higher choice, and then God comes in and starts protecting and providing for you, etc.

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You prove to creation that God is true, not in that you are always provided for and that you're

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always protected, etc. And not what the world is saying. That's what it is that we're doing. So,

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so all of this stress that you're experiencing, etc. is this feeling is this belief in our flesh,

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that we are not safe, that we're not being provided for, that there's something that we're

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needing, there's something that we have to do, there's something that's being required of us,

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we're not enough, I've got to figure it out, I've got to work harder, I've got to catch up,

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I've got to keep up, I've got to do it right. In other words, we feel that there is some,

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uh, we're carrying the burden, the weight, and the responsibility of getting results in all of

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these areas of our lives, because we believe that we're that, that the source of actually those

365
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being successful is us. It's based on whether on us being wise enough to figure out the situations,

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and be able to apply the right formula in order to get a successful result, that everything's

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dependent on us. I'm always thinking, what am I going to do now? Like, let me stress again,

368
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what did I do wrong? What am I going to do? Oh, and maybe I should have done that. But actually,

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I'm too tired to do it. And then you feel guilty. Because if you just did this, you feel better,

370
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but then you don't do it. And it's like, what am I doing? Yeah, if we think that we are,

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are sourcing the results, and then we are feeling that we're, then we're always walking around

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feeling that we carry this heavy responsibility. And that's, we weren't created to carry that

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responsibility. That, in other words, that weight, there's nothing. Yeah, wait, that is if

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everything depends on us, when really God says, No, I want you to depend on me. And then I just

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in the now that I'm now that you've given it to me to take care of, you just get to enjoy the

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process, you get to now enjoy going to work, enjoy interacting with your students, enjoy problem

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solving, because you are choosing that the outcome of all these things that you're doing

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is going to be created by the Lord, you've given it up to the Lord.

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And now you're just enjoying the process of developing your relationship with God by just

380
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doing things, by just having a relationship with your student, by getting to problem solve and

381
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figure out some really cool solution that God has put into the principles of education or the

382
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principles of psychology and how kids, you know, think and whatever. And then to see what aspect

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of creation that you and God want to partner with y'all to, um, as part of the, as part of

384
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the journey towards whatever's going to happen, like the results, the outcome or whatever.

385
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And so now it's fun. Now that now that the outcome isn't determined by your actions,

386
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it's determined by the fact that God is good. It's determined by the fact that God is provider

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and protector for all of creation, for you, for those kids, et cetera. That is what is going to

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determine the outcome. And anyway, so what are, what are your thoughts? Does this making some

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sense or do you have any questions? Yeah. Uh, I think some of it is like,

390
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I need to kind of like, I understand some of it, maybe not all of it. Um, but I think I'm

391
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grasping what you're saying, like from where Adam originally was before the fall, before he used to,

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he took control. Um, and it reminds me of, you know, the scriptures that says that we're going

393
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to rule with God, you know, like the king, the kingdom that's coming, that we're going to be

394
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sent rulers and governors over places. And it's actually the kingdom. And you kind of think of

395
00:26:51.680 --> 00:26:56.640
it's something happening in heaven, but I'm realizing that it's something that can start now.

396
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And, um, uh, and I just realized that I'm starting to grasp this, but I, I'm not fully

397
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understanding it, but I'm just like little scriptures come to mind or like things that

398
00:27:11.120 --> 00:27:17.840
happened or like experiences where I've had, where I feel like I am really walking in the spirit and

399
00:27:17.840 --> 00:27:25.840
seeing it happening. But then I like the thing, the question that I've had when I watched your

400
00:27:25.840 --> 00:27:35.360
teaching is that I identify with some of your story. Um, and, uh, some of the pain that you

401
00:27:35.360 --> 00:27:40.000
were in and like, for you, it sounds like it was like a very, like before and after, like you say,

402
00:27:40.000 --> 00:27:46.720
you were even saved, you know, you got the gospel when you were past 30. For me, the thing is that

403
00:27:46.720 --> 00:27:56.080
I don't, that I struggle to comprehend is that I feel like, um, in a way it's a before and after

404
00:27:56.080 --> 00:28:02.640
and another, it's not like, I feel like God has shown me very deep things over the past years.

405
00:28:03.360 --> 00:28:09.680
Yeah. But I'm not fully living it. And now I'm just seeing another layer of it or seeing the

406
00:28:09.680 --> 00:28:15.600
areas where I'm not living by the spirit. Yeah. Oh yeah, absolutely. I'm kind of just like,

407
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and also I think why, but if God really has shown me so many things over the years,

408
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why am I still in so much pain? I'm trying to figure out where is it that I've been

409
00:28:34.400 --> 00:28:40.240
having a revelation from God and where is it that I have been in the dark or the things that I'm

410
00:28:40.240 --> 00:28:49.920
learning now that I'm seeing for the first time. And I'm not, I'm trying to figure out where I'm

411
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at. And, um, so what's from God? Huh? Yeah, no, just, uh, yeah. Well, what I was going to say

412
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is that the fastest, that the whole, all of this is about having a relationship with God

413
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and living out of relationship as opposed to living out of, okay, God, now,

414
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what do you want me to do? Or now how do I, even in a manner of speaking, Lord, how do I now

415
00:29:26.800 --> 00:29:33.920
interact with you? What do you require of me? How should I position myself? You know, trying to

416
00:29:33.920 --> 00:29:43.520
figure all, we can't actually figure out how to live in rest. Well, maybe I am, maybe I'm trying

417
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to figure it out. Yes. What have I been wrong? What is right? What is wrong? I'm still a little

418
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bit in the figuring out and analyzing and yeah, it's like, it's the tree. It's the knowledge of

419
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the tree. It's the knowledge of good and evil.

420
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.000
It's the, because the tree is the good and evil tree.

421
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It's the knowledge of good and evil.

422
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We're trying to use knowledge and figuring it out

423
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in order to do the right thing and avoid the wrong one.

424
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Yeah.

425
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And so what we have to realize is that as an old wine stem

426
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and so that could only hold the old wine.

427
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So if God is saying, hey, I have a new wine

428
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to give you a new revelation,

429
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that old wine stem can't hold the new wine.

430
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And so the tree of the knowledge of good and evil

431
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can't help you, in other words,

432
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knowledge or figuring it out,

433
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can't help us in transitioning to the new revelation

434
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that God is trying to reveal to us.

435
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Does that make sense?

436
00:30:57.000 --> 00:30:57.980
Yes, it makes sense.

437
00:30:57.980 --> 00:31:00.260
I'm trying to use the old system

438
00:31:00.260 --> 00:31:01.860
to understand the new things.

439
00:31:01.860 --> 00:31:05.020
Correct, that we've been relying on our knowledge.

440
00:31:05.020 --> 00:31:07.460
We've been relying on trying to figure it out.

441
00:31:07.460 --> 00:31:10.940
And so one of the ladies that I've worked with,

442
00:31:10.940 --> 00:31:13.740
I literally worked with her for months

443
00:31:13.740 --> 00:31:16.660
because she was struggling so much to get it.

444
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And finally, there were a couple of different things

445
00:31:21.060 --> 00:31:24.780
that she did that really helped her.

446
00:31:24.780 --> 00:31:28.180
And one of the things is that she realized

447
00:31:28.180 --> 00:31:33.060
is that I told her, I said, okay, you know what to do,

448
00:31:33.060 --> 00:31:37.100
but you keep trying to figure out how to avoid doing it.

449
00:31:37.100 --> 00:31:42.100
So you're just, you're trying to figure out

450
00:31:42.380 --> 00:31:45.700
through your mind how to make all of this easier

451
00:31:45.700 --> 00:31:47.820
so that the thing that you actually have to do

452
00:31:47.820 --> 00:31:51.220
in submitting yourself to the Lord can be avoided

453
00:31:51.220 --> 00:31:54.380
or so that eventually it gets easier

454
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to submit yourself to the Lord.

455
00:31:55.820 --> 00:31:58.140
And I said, I'm afraid it won't get easier.

456
00:31:58.140 --> 00:32:00.900
I'm afraid it'll actually just get harder.

457
00:32:00.900 --> 00:32:02.980
So you might as well do it now

458
00:32:02.980 --> 00:32:04.940
because the only difference between doing it now

459
00:32:04.940 --> 00:32:08.380
versus doing it later is if you're going to have a lot,

460
00:32:08.380 --> 00:32:11.060
you're going to experience a lot more pain.

461
00:32:11.060 --> 00:32:13.020
And then you're going to simply be motivated by pain

462
00:32:13.020 --> 00:32:14.980
just because you're absolutely desperate.

463
00:32:14.980 --> 00:32:16.500
I said, so you might as well just do it now.

464
00:32:16.500 --> 00:32:19.060
So that was one thing that she finally chose to do.

465
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And when she did it, everything changed.

466
00:32:21.500 --> 00:32:24.540
But the other thing is that what she'd been doing

467
00:32:24.540 --> 00:32:26.780
was she was trying to figure it out.

468
00:32:26.780 --> 00:32:29.180
She was trying to understand.

469
00:32:29.180 --> 00:32:30.020
Yeah.

470
00:32:30.020 --> 00:32:31.780
Because we've relied on our knowledge

471
00:32:31.780 --> 00:32:33.780
and we've relied on figuring it out.

472
00:32:33.780 --> 00:32:37.020
We've relied on trying to reconcile

473
00:32:37.020 --> 00:32:40.060
all these different truths that we know

474
00:32:40.060 --> 00:32:42.460
and try to figure out how they work together.

475
00:32:42.460 --> 00:32:46.420
And we can't, and God doesn't,

476
00:32:47.260 --> 00:32:49.580
the thing that, the way that a friend of mine

477
00:32:49.580 --> 00:32:52.780
words it is, he says, what got us,

478
00:32:52.780 --> 00:32:54.700
this is Chris Black at the beginning

479
00:32:54.700 --> 00:32:56.660
who talked about the three realms.

480
00:32:56.660 --> 00:32:58.820
He said, what we can't use,

481
00:32:58.820 --> 00:33:02.060
what got us kicked out of the garden

482
00:33:02.060 --> 00:33:04.340
to try to get back in.

483
00:33:04.340 --> 00:33:07.860
What got us kicked out was the knowledge,

484
00:33:07.860 --> 00:33:10.060
was trying to rely on figuring it out,

485
00:33:10.060 --> 00:33:12.540
on principles, on how does this work

486
00:33:12.540 --> 00:33:16.100
and what are the truths and how can I harness the truth

487
00:33:16.100 --> 00:33:18.820
in order to get what I want from the Lord?

488
00:33:18.820 --> 00:33:19.740
And he said, we can't,

489
00:33:19.740 --> 00:33:21.340
if that got us kicked out of the garden,

490
00:33:21.340 --> 00:33:23.620
that won't get us back yet.

491
00:33:23.620 --> 00:33:26.780
So what we have to, so here's my point.

492
00:33:26.780 --> 00:33:29.980
We have to actually abandon it altogether

493
00:33:29.980 --> 00:33:34.860
and choose reliance on nothing but relationship.

494
00:33:34.860 --> 00:33:36.220
And by relationship,

495
00:33:36.220 --> 00:33:39.140
I mean the fact that we are connected to God

496
00:33:40.060 --> 00:33:45.060
and we just allow ourselves to rely on

497
00:33:45.660 --> 00:33:50.660
and be dependent on the fact that we are connected

498
00:33:51.740 --> 00:33:54.020
and the fact that we relate to him

499
00:33:54.020 --> 00:33:56.460
in the way that he says that we do.

500
00:33:56.460 --> 00:33:59.060
It's actually extremely simple.

501
00:33:59.060 --> 00:34:01.260
It's extremely basic.

502
00:34:01.260 --> 00:34:04.260
And it's the fact that he loves us

503
00:34:04.260 --> 00:34:06.060
to such an extreme depth.

504
00:34:06.060 --> 00:34:08.100
For one thing, God says that he's loved

505
00:34:08.100 --> 00:34:12.580
and he, I personally believe that he subjects

506
00:34:12.580 --> 00:34:14.420
all other aspects of his character

507
00:34:14.420 --> 00:34:16.980
to the fact that he is loved.

508
00:34:16.980 --> 00:34:21.139
So everything else, like his strength, his holiness,

509
00:34:21.139 --> 00:34:26.060
whatever, has to submit to the character,

510
00:34:26.060 --> 00:34:27.500
the fact that he is loved.

511
00:34:27.500 --> 00:34:29.699
That's just my own personal belief about that.

512
00:34:29.699 --> 00:34:33.380
But anyway, it says, regardless, it says that God is loved.

513
00:34:33.380 --> 00:34:35.580
So there's all kinds of other things that God says

514
00:34:35.580 --> 00:34:37.820
that he is, but they're all adjectives.

515
00:34:37.820 --> 00:34:41.739
God is holy, God is mighty, God is righteous.

516
00:34:41.739 --> 00:34:43.420
Those are all adjectives.

517
00:34:43.420 --> 00:34:45.739
But love, when it says God is love,

518
00:34:45.739 --> 00:34:49.300
that's a noun, not an adjective.

519
00:34:49.300 --> 00:34:51.219
So God is the love, God is love,

520
00:34:51.219 --> 00:34:53.500
God is the essence of love itself.

521
00:34:53.500 --> 00:34:56.260
And you are the object of that love.

522
00:34:57.260 --> 00:35:00.220
So the very aspect of God's character.

523
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:07.120
that he submits, that I believe he submits all other aspects of his character to, that

524
00:35:07.120 --> 00:35:09.280
you are the object of that.

525
00:35:09.280 --> 00:35:24.000
You're the object and the focus that God directs what defines his very being towards.

526
00:35:24.000 --> 00:35:29.880
And then he says that because he loves you so much, you know, for God so loved the world,

527
00:35:29.880 --> 00:35:31.880
that he gave his only begotten son.

528
00:35:31.880 --> 00:35:38.840
So because he loves you so much, he desired to be unified with you because then he could

529
00:35:38.840 --> 00:35:46.080
interact with you and relate to you in literally the most intimate way.

530
00:35:46.080 --> 00:35:52.160
And then that, and so that's really the foundation of who it is that you are, et cetera.

531
00:35:52.160 --> 00:35:56.320
And the essence and the foundation of your relationship.

532
00:35:56.320 --> 00:36:04.880
So we, what we're called to do is abandon, are trying to figure it out and simply exist

533
00:36:04.880 --> 00:36:15.040
in that relationship, simply exist in that connection, then that union, it's deeper than

534
00:36:15.040 --> 00:36:17.560
how we usually think of relationship.

535
00:36:17.560 --> 00:36:22.120
Like, okay, I talked to God, he talks to me, I do things to please him.

536
00:36:22.120 --> 00:36:25.040
He does things and it makes me feel loved.

537
00:36:25.040 --> 00:36:32.360
We often think of relationship like that, but relationship is at, but that's conditional.

538
00:36:32.360 --> 00:36:37.240
Relationship is actually in, you know, relationship, the Lord is unconditional.

539
00:36:37.240 --> 00:36:41.120
It's the fact that we, it's the fact that we're connected.

540
00:36:41.120 --> 00:36:46.480
That's really what relationship is, is it's a connection and we just need to, we need

541
00:36:46.480 --> 00:36:55.720
to completely depend on, rely on, and just rest in the fact that we are deeply connected

542
00:36:55.720 --> 00:37:05.760
with God in that place where enough you're, you're unconditionally loved because you exist.

543
00:37:05.760 --> 00:37:11.760
And because you're in him, because you're connected to the most valuable thing in existence,

544
00:37:11.760 --> 00:37:15.560
you're one with the most valuable thing in existence, making you the most valuable thing

545
00:37:15.560 --> 00:37:17.880
in existence.

546
00:37:17.880 --> 00:37:19.240
You're connected with that.

547
00:37:19.240 --> 00:37:24.320
You're one with that doesn't make you God, but I'm just saying that, you know, that you're

548
00:37:24.320 --> 00:37:25.320
one with that.

549
00:37:25.320 --> 00:37:30.240
So in other words, we abandoned the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and we have

550
00:37:30.240 --> 00:37:39.400
to embody it simply by the fact that we are, we embody rest simply in the principle of

551
00:37:39.400 --> 00:37:45.400
the best, simply by the fact that we are connected with the Lord, we are one with him

552
00:37:45.400 --> 00:37:49.880
and that he is creating all of our outcomes.

553
00:37:49.880 --> 00:37:55.840
And so, so what I do whenever I'm stressed, you know, you're talking about going through

554
00:37:55.840 --> 00:37:59.720
a lot and going through, you know, your days and you're just going, I'm just in stress

555
00:37:59.720 --> 00:38:02.440
and I don't know why I'm stressed.

556
00:38:02.440 --> 00:38:05.840
Or you know, while you're stressed, but you're like, I don't know why I can't let it go.

557
00:38:05.840 --> 00:38:10.800
I don't know why, you know, I can do these really big things with my ex and I can do

558
00:38:10.800 --> 00:38:12.800
these really big things with them.

559
00:38:12.800 --> 00:38:19.280
What's that other story there with that, with releasing myself from shame and condemnation

560
00:38:19.280 --> 00:38:25.920
in a really big, really big instance, but the daily stuff, I just can't figure out how

561
00:38:25.920 --> 00:38:28.480
to release the stress.

562
00:38:28.480 --> 00:38:35.400
The thing that I always do that I'll ship that will release everything is I have to,

563
00:38:35.400 --> 00:38:38.760
is I have to choose that.

564
00:38:38.760 --> 00:38:45.080
God says that I am, that I am loved by him and that I'm completely enough just because

565
00:38:45.080 --> 00:38:46.520
I exist.

566
00:38:46.520 --> 00:38:48.560
Not because I'm doing something right.

567
00:38:48.560 --> 00:38:53.360
Not because I'm doing something in particular, not because I'm obeying him.

568
00:38:53.360 --> 00:39:00.440
Not because I have a job that I do not because of, I don't know, just not even because I

569
00:39:00.440 --> 00:39:06.400
believe him because to God, and so this is very, very, very important to remember nothing

570
00:39:06.400 --> 00:39:13.160
else from the river that you are more important to God than the choices that you make every

571
00:39:13.160 --> 00:39:14.160
day.

572
00:39:14.160 --> 00:39:21.400
He values you more than he values the decisions that you're making.

573
00:39:21.400 --> 00:39:28.640
He values you more than he values whether or not you're believing him, et cetera.

574
00:39:28.640 --> 00:39:30.440
You're that important.

575
00:39:30.440 --> 00:39:35.000
You're important to him and that's where I live.

576
00:39:35.000 --> 00:39:42.920
Maybe that's where I'm struggling because I know that if you do reject God, like in

577
00:39:42.920 --> 00:39:47.800
my, what I believe that I believe it will have consequences for your eternity, like

578
00:39:47.800 --> 00:39:50.720
even though he's love and everything, you know?

579
00:39:50.720 --> 00:39:55.720
So I think, you know, that there is a condition in a way, you know, to live and reign with

580
00:39:55.720 --> 00:39:57.080
him forever.

581
00:39:57.080 --> 00:40:00.000
You have to believe in him or you.

582
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.660
have to have faith in him.

583
00:40:02.660 --> 00:40:03.960
I agree, yeah.

584
00:40:03.960 --> 00:40:05.740
So that's why I think,

585
00:40:05.740 --> 00:40:07.860
so then I know that God loves me,

586
00:40:07.860 --> 00:40:11.740
but even though there is a condition in the way

587
00:40:11.740 --> 00:40:13.660
that if I choose not to follow him,

588
00:40:13.660 --> 00:40:14.940
there will be consequences

589
00:40:14.940 --> 00:40:17.580
and I will not be reigning with him forever.

590
00:40:17.580 --> 00:40:19.580
And then I will fall away from God, you know?

591
00:40:19.580 --> 00:40:21.220
I think it's like,

592
00:40:21.220 --> 00:40:26.220
and also I learned so much about,

593
00:40:26.420 --> 00:40:28.220
there's so much teaching about love

594
00:40:28.260 --> 00:40:31.460
that I think affected me in the wrong way.

595
00:40:31.460 --> 00:40:33.500
And then you read the Bible

596
00:40:33.500 --> 00:40:38.500
and all of the love is different, you know?

597
00:40:39.860 --> 00:40:41.540
Love is different.

598
00:40:41.540 --> 00:40:43.580
Love is different than what you kind of,

599
00:40:46.780 --> 00:40:47.860
it's not like,

600
00:40:47.860 --> 00:40:49.700
like, I don't know if you read,

601
00:40:49.700 --> 00:40:51.460
when you read the whole Bible,

602
00:40:51.460 --> 00:40:56.460
there's like books without love,

603
00:40:56.500 --> 00:40:58.340
but there are always books about,

604
00:40:58.340 --> 00:41:00.860
there's always something about his greatness

605
00:41:00.860 --> 00:41:02.060
and his holiness.

606
00:41:02.060 --> 00:41:05.140
But then you can also say that love,

607
00:41:05.140 --> 00:41:06.220
like the whole law,

608
00:41:06.220 --> 00:41:07.820
there's not like a lot about love,

609
00:41:07.820 --> 00:41:09.780
but then you can say that it was love.

610
00:41:11.580 --> 00:41:14.300
I think, I think the struggle,

611
00:41:14.300 --> 00:41:15.260
and I've heard like,

612
00:41:15.260 --> 00:41:20.100
what have brought freedom to me is more to not focusing,

613
00:41:20.100 --> 00:41:22.100
but I don't know if it's freedom and,

614
00:41:22.100 --> 00:41:24.080
but with a twist or,

615
00:41:24.080 --> 00:41:27.520
but I've heard so much the last 20 years,

616
00:41:27.520 --> 00:41:29.760
there's been so much teaching about love.

617
00:41:29.760 --> 00:41:32.360
And then that has split the church.

618
00:41:32.360 --> 00:41:34.960
And then you allow all kinds of things into the church,

619
00:41:34.960 --> 00:41:36.520
which I don't think is right.

620
00:41:36.520 --> 00:41:38.400
And you turn away from the Bible.

621
00:41:38.400 --> 00:41:40.200
And then it's like,

622
00:41:40.200 --> 00:41:44.040
well, you really read about the gospel, the Bible,

623
00:41:44.040 --> 00:41:46.320
it doesn't say that much about love.

624
00:41:46.320 --> 00:41:50.960
It talks a lot more about holiness or his greatness.

625
00:41:50.960 --> 00:41:54.160
And with me, I think theologically,

626
00:41:54.160 --> 00:41:56.020
I'm trying to figure out,

627
00:41:59.200 --> 00:42:00.520
this is like a big topic,

628
00:42:00.520 --> 00:42:05.520
but because he will sentence people to hell.

629
00:42:06.280 --> 00:42:11.280
So then, and so there is condition,

630
00:42:11.400 --> 00:42:12.240
but there's not,

631
00:42:12.240 --> 00:42:13.820
and it doesn't say in the Bible

632
00:42:13.820 --> 00:42:15.840
that God unconditionally loves us,

633
00:42:15.840 --> 00:42:19.640
but it says a lot in the gospels,

634
00:42:20.360 --> 00:42:22.640
and especially also in their letters

635
00:42:22.640 --> 00:42:24.440
about love among brothers.

636
00:42:24.440 --> 00:42:28.640
So it seems to be that God's love is different

637
00:42:28.640 --> 00:42:29.840
from the believers.

638
00:42:29.840 --> 00:42:33.440
And so much talk about love each other as brothers.

639
00:42:35.160 --> 00:42:37.280
But he will also condemn the world.

640
00:42:37.280 --> 00:42:38.680
And how is that seen?

641
00:42:38.680 --> 00:42:41.920
Like, so I'm trying to understand all these years,

642
00:42:41.920 --> 00:42:46.400
the theology that's gone around and that has switched,

643
00:42:46.400 --> 00:42:48.920
where you don't really talk about the holiness of God.

644
00:42:48.960 --> 00:42:51.240
In my environment anymore,

645
00:42:51.240 --> 00:42:53.360
and you put parts of the Bible out

646
00:42:53.360 --> 00:42:56.120
because it doesn't align with him being loved.

647
00:42:56.120 --> 00:42:58.420
And like the kind of love that feels good,

648
00:42:58.420 --> 00:43:00.600
that's Norway at least.

649
00:43:00.600 --> 00:43:03.400
And things have become very liberal and unhealthy

650
00:43:03.400 --> 00:43:05.080
and split in the church.

651
00:43:05.080 --> 00:43:07.200
So I think I'm trying, but then I'm trying to,

652
00:43:07.200 --> 00:43:11.440
but then I know that he loves me,

653
00:43:11.440 --> 00:43:13.220
but I know also all these things.

654
00:43:13.220 --> 00:43:18.220
So I think this area is theologically challenging for me.

655
00:43:18.220 --> 00:43:22.660
And I follow the teachings of charismatic

656
00:43:22.660 --> 00:43:26.380
and conservatives over 40 years.

657
00:43:26.380 --> 00:43:28.980
So, and you've seen the switch from the nineties

658
00:43:28.980 --> 00:43:32.060
and up to now, and you've seen things go bad

659
00:43:32.060 --> 00:43:33.620
and things, something's getting better

660
00:43:33.620 --> 00:43:35.580
and something's getting worse.

661
00:43:35.580 --> 00:43:40.580
And I'm struggling to understand love and that he is love,

662
00:43:41.020 --> 00:43:44.060
but then at the same time, he's holy.

663
00:43:44.060 --> 00:43:49.060
And it's not the kind of love that maybe I,

664
00:43:50.900 --> 00:43:53.580
yeah, I struggle with love

665
00:43:53.580 --> 00:43:55.900
and also what it personally means for me.

666
00:43:55.900 --> 00:43:58.740
So maybe I do, because I don't fully understand it.

667
00:43:59.620 --> 00:44:03.280
I keep him, like, I'm not able to take it in.

668
00:44:03.280 --> 00:44:05.220
So, because it just says in the Bible twice

669
00:44:05.220 --> 00:44:07.980
that God is love, two scriptures that comes right

670
00:44:07.980 --> 00:44:10.020
after each other in the same book.

671
00:44:10.020 --> 00:44:12.660
So that means like there are 65 books in the Bible

672
00:44:12.660 --> 00:44:13.960
that doesn't say that he's love.

673
00:44:14.720 --> 00:44:19.480
So then I'm like, why the proportions of this?

674
00:44:20.640 --> 00:44:23.320
And I've heard teaching about those two scriptures,

675
00:44:23.320 --> 00:44:24.860
what it really means.

676
00:44:24.860 --> 00:44:26.760
And then I'm like, is that right?

677
00:44:26.760 --> 00:44:28.040
Is that wrong?

678
00:44:28.040 --> 00:44:31.200
Why does it talk so little about love

679
00:44:31.200 --> 00:44:36.200
when if that's the basis of who he is?

680
00:44:37.120 --> 00:44:42.120
And I kind of think, I don't know,

681
00:44:44.800 --> 00:44:49.800
I struggle to understand love and to really receive it

682
00:44:49.800 --> 00:44:54.000
because I'm conflicted theologically about it.

683
00:44:54.000 --> 00:44:59.000
And then that prevents me from really letting it in maybe.

684
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.680
Because I'm like, yeah, God is love, but the Bible doesn't really talk that much about

685
00:45:05.680 --> 00:45:06.680
it.

686
00:45:06.680 --> 00:45:09.320
So is he really love?

687
00:45:09.320 --> 00:45:13.200
And what is definite is he's holy.

688
00:45:13.200 --> 00:45:15.320
And he's just and he's righteous.

689
00:45:15.320 --> 00:45:18.960
And he's all these things.

690
00:45:18.960 --> 00:45:23.560
But I don't see, I'm not able to fit it in fully.

691
00:45:23.560 --> 00:45:24.560
Yeah.

692
00:45:24.560 --> 00:45:31.300
And like I told you, the first time my dad since my dad died, there's been like this

693
00:45:31.300 --> 00:45:37.440
glass wall, I think, a little bit between God and me, not the whole time, but at times,

694
00:45:37.440 --> 00:45:42.440
where it's like, I can't really reach out to him, and he can't really reach in.

695
00:45:42.440 --> 00:45:49.000
And I think the tea, all the teachings that I've heard, and that experience has also affected

696
00:45:49.000 --> 00:45:50.280
my view.

697
00:45:50.280 --> 00:45:57.400
So, so what when you're saying you're talking about the lady you counseled, I feel that's

698
00:45:57.400 --> 00:46:03.880
what I'm doing all the time, like I'm surrendering myself all the time and doing the hard choices.

699
00:46:03.880 --> 00:46:12.240
But I'm still not getting it or it's still not fully like things that people struggle

700
00:46:12.240 --> 00:46:20.080
with for years to surrender to God or to give up money, housing comfort, or like their will,

701
00:46:20.880 --> 00:46:21.880
I feel like I live in it.

702
00:46:21.880 --> 00:46:22.880
I do it all the time.

703
00:46:22.880 --> 00:46:24.560
I've done it.

704
00:46:24.560 --> 00:46:32.000
But it's not, it's not, it's not really like releasing, I do it every day, I release things

705
00:46:32.000 --> 00:46:34.200
to God, I surrender things to God.

706
00:46:34.200 --> 00:46:37.240
And I'm still partly living in bondage.

707
00:46:37.240 --> 00:46:38.240
Yeah.

708
00:46:38.240 --> 00:46:39.240
I don't know.

709
00:46:39.240 --> 00:46:41.720
That was like, that was like a lot.

710
00:46:41.720 --> 00:46:42.720
I don't know if you could understand.

711
00:46:42.720 --> 00:46:43.720
Yes.

712
00:46:43.720 --> 00:46:44.720
No, I could.

713
00:46:44.720 --> 00:46:45.720
And that was very helpful.

714
00:46:45.880 --> 00:46:46.880
It's very helpful.

715
00:46:46.880 --> 00:46:51.000
It's very helpful to get to hear, you know, how you're processing all of this.

716
00:46:51.000 --> 00:46:58.120
Think of it this way is, well, there's a variety of things to say, but that in order to let

717
00:46:58.120 --> 00:47:07.000
go of our unbeliefs, we have to change who we choose to receive God to be.

718
00:47:07.000 --> 00:47:15.600
Because you're right, rest doesn't reconcile with the theology that you said that you've

719
00:47:15.600 --> 00:47:18.440
been exposed to.

720
00:47:18.440 --> 00:47:22.600
That's why people don't aren't living, you know, in rest.

721
00:47:22.600 --> 00:47:30.560
And for two reasons, one, it doesn't reconcile with the fact that God is holy, but not love.

722
00:47:30.560 --> 00:47:39.680
It also doesn't reconcile with the fact that with with the fact that God is all love and

723
00:47:39.680 --> 00:47:44.880
from it's everything, which is very liberal aspect of the like, oh, well, then we should,

724
00:47:44.880 --> 00:47:50.560
but all of these, you know, you know, it's okay to be homosexual, and it's okay to do

725
00:47:50.560 --> 00:47:51.560
this.

726
00:47:51.560 --> 00:47:52.560
It's okay to do that.

727
00:47:52.560 --> 00:47:58.080
And that's what's happened with this idea of like, because people don't know how to

728
00:47:58.080 --> 00:48:06.720
that that is, those are people who haven't fully been exposed to and live in God's real

729
00:48:06.720 --> 00:48:07.720
love.

730
00:48:07.760 --> 00:48:11.880
It's people who've adopted the idea of love.

731
00:48:11.880 --> 00:48:17.320
And so they think, oh, well, the idea of love means surely that we're supposed to, you know,

732
00:48:17.320 --> 00:48:18.320
do all of this stuff.

733
00:48:18.320 --> 00:48:27.560
God's just like, well, if I'm love, and I say it's an abomination, apparently, no, then,

734
00:48:27.560 --> 00:48:31.960
then to just to just open your arms, you know, not open your arms, or I mean, we should love

735
00:48:31.960 --> 00:48:32.960
and accept everyone.

736
00:48:32.960 --> 00:48:41.800
But what I mean is, like, per is if everything is permissible, is is not in line with God,

737
00:48:41.800 --> 00:48:45.680
you know, God saying is not in line with my love.

738
00:48:45.680 --> 00:48:49.240
So apparently, you haven't really been exposed to my love.

739
00:48:49.240 --> 00:48:54.320
You've just been exposed to the fact that I said that I was love, and then you made

740
00:48:54.320 --> 00:48:59.480
your own definition of what that meant, and then follow it according to the knowledge

741
00:48:59.480 --> 00:49:00.480
of good and evil.

742
00:49:01.360 --> 00:49:04.080
Like, okay, let's try to figure this thing out.

743
00:49:04.080 --> 00:49:06.440
And then how would we carry it out, you know, kind of.

744
00:49:06.440 --> 00:49:13.480
So that's what's happened, you know, so much the church, so anyway, that in order for us

745
00:49:13.480 --> 00:49:19.920
to actually change, and actually let go of all those unbeliefs, we really do have to

746
00:49:19.920 --> 00:49:28.560
choose that God is different than who we have received thus far that he is.

747
00:49:28.640 --> 00:49:32.560
And so we have to see who does he say that he really is.

748
00:49:32.560 --> 00:49:39.040
And what I would recommend to you is that you expose yourself experientially to him,

749
00:49:39.040 --> 00:49:43.680
as opposed to just trying to look through scripture and figure it out.

750
00:49:43.680 --> 00:49:50.480
And by experientially, I mean, like you've experienced him, like you put yourself like

751
00:49:50.480 --> 00:49:56.120
you do those exercises, you, you remember the excerpt, what's happened when you stand

752
00:49:56.120 --> 00:50:00.120
that exercise in the first session of, you know, the first teaching.

753
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.320
session, you know, you close your eyes and you can do it in a variety of ways. But I,

754
00:50:06.960 --> 00:50:12.000
I, the thing that I always, you know, explain to people that I did is I would have Jesus come sit

755
00:50:12.000 --> 00:50:18.000
on the bed and then look at me. And then I would receive, I would receive the truth of what he was

756
00:50:18.000 --> 00:50:26.400
wanting to give me of himself. And that was always that, that was, it was always love,

757
00:50:26.400 --> 00:50:31.520
but sometimes it was even more than love. I'd like to learn things about the Lord and about

758
00:50:31.520 --> 00:50:41.040
how he saw me simply because I put myself in a position where, where I would work. I would allow

759
00:50:41.040 --> 00:50:47.280
him to talk to me and I would receive of himself, his character, his personality, whatever it is

760
00:50:47.280 --> 00:50:52.720
that he wanted to show me, I would receive that and I would accept it. And then I would learn

761
00:50:52.720 --> 00:50:58.080
things. I, in other words, I would put myself in a position where he could be who he wanted to be

762
00:50:58.880 --> 00:51:06.960
in my presence. And that's how I got to know God at a deeper level, because I could try,

763
00:51:06.960 --> 00:51:14.720
I couldn't convince myself that God loved me. I looked at scripture, I listened to other people

764
00:51:14.720 --> 00:51:21.840
that had had the experiences and I've listened to lots of teachings. And I'd even read this book

765
00:51:21.840 --> 00:51:27.120
that had really changed my life called all this child by Brennan Manning. And that really changed

766
00:51:27.120 --> 00:51:37.120
things. But ultimately I could not convince myself that he loved me. The only thing that will do that

767
00:51:37.120 --> 00:51:46.560
is by actually experiencing him by being with him, where we allow him to show us who he decides

768
00:51:46.560 --> 00:51:55.360
to show himself to be. In other words, okay, God, I'm here. No, no requirements. Be who you want to

769
00:51:55.360 --> 00:52:02.880
be with me and show me that and give me that and just come and be you in my presence. And then I'll

770
00:52:02.880 --> 00:52:08.400
get to know who that is, who it is that you are, you know, you know, and then you end up discovering,

771
00:52:08.400 --> 00:52:13.120
you know, his love and his holiness and his unconditional acceptance, you know, et cetera.

772
00:52:13.680 --> 00:52:21.760
It doesn't mean by the way, that our sin doesn't matter. It matters. We do sin, but we do it in our

773
00:52:21.760 --> 00:52:27.280
flesh, not in our spirit. And here's why. Well, it mentions this in multiple places in scripture.

774
00:52:28.080 --> 00:52:34.560
One of them was, uh, uh, well, uh, Jesus told Nicodemus, you know, that he was born of flesh

775
00:52:34.560 --> 00:52:41.920
is flesh. He was born of spirit is spirit. And then in James, it says that he was born of God,

776
00:52:42.000 --> 00:52:51.600
who is spirit. He was born of God or he was born of God. It is impossible for him to sin yet in

777
00:52:51.600 --> 00:52:56.160
other places in scripture. See, that sounds contradictory to other places in scripture

778
00:52:56.160 --> 00:53:02.240
that says he, who does not, he, who says he does not sin deceives himself. Paul said that. So how

779
00:53:02.240 --> 00:53:07.920
can you have these two seemingly contradictory scriptures in the same Bible? And we're all told

780
00:53:08.400 --> 00:53:14.080
to, uh, to believe all of the verses. Well, it says, Paul is talking about our flesh,

781
00:53:14.080 --> 00:53:20.320
but James was talking about our spirit because he said he was born of God, which Jesus says that,

782
00:53:20.320 --> 00:53:27.840
that, um, that he was, he was, uh, born of spirit is spirit. So we're, you know,

783
00:53:27.840 --> 00:53:32.720
we came from God's spirit. So therefore, you know, we have a spirit and spirit can only come out of

784
00:53:32.720 --> 00:53:36.800
another spirit. So apparently, you know, we came out of the Lord. So he was born of God.

785
00:53:37.600 --> 00:53:44.720
It is impossible for him to sin. So anyway, um, there's a point that I was trying to make with,

786
00:53:44.720 --> 00:53:50.320
with that. And then I kind of like went on a, on a little rabbit trail to make a point. But anyway,

787
00:53:50.320 --> 00:53:56.560
the thing is that I could not convince myself that God loved me. I read, I was reading all

788
00:53:56.560 --> 00:54:02.480
of these scriptures. They sounded contradictory. I always focused on all of the holiness and all

789
00:54:02.480 --> 00:54:08.880
of the righteousness stuff and all of the, all of the rules. And I knew that God was loved just

790
00:54:08.880 --> 00:54:15.040
like, you know, I knew that God would, that God said that he's loved, but if, if he talked about

791
00:54:15.040 --> 00:54:21.840
him being loved so little is what it felt like to me so little and, and all of the do's and don'ts

792
00:54:21.840 --> 00:54:29.760
were so big, then apparently his love wasn't as strong as his holiness. And it wasn't as important

793
00:54:29.760 --> 00:54:35.520
and it wasn't whatever with all of this other stuff. But, um, the thing is that I actually

794
00:54:35.520 --> 00:54:43.680
hadn't, I hadn't, because I hadn't experienced God himself at the time. Then, I mean, in a way

795
00:54:43.680 --> 00:54:48.800
I had, cause I have been saved since I was four, but I didn't fully understand what it is that I

796
00:54:48.800 --> 00:54:57.200
had received until I was 34, 35. Then I finally got it, but, uh, but I'd already received it.

797
00:54:57.200 --> 00:55:00.000
It was just that I didn't realize what I had received until I was.

798
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.880
So anyway, the thing is, and that's all that we're learning about rest anyway, is we're

799
00:55:05.880 --> 00:55:06.880
not learning.

800
00:55:06.880 --> 00:55:08.920
We're not receiving something new.

801
00:55:08.920 --> 00:55:12.760
We are now learning what it is that we've already received.

802
00:55:12.760 --> 00:55:17.960
So point is that I just thought, you know, that God's holiness and his righteousness

803
00:55:17.960 --> 00:55:23.360
and all these rules and all these laws apparently is more important to him, et cetera, but that's

804
00:55:23.360 --> 00:55:25.280
because I hadn't experienced him.

805
00:55:25.280 --> 00:55:32.160
But when I come to him and I actually let him show me who he is, not me reading scripture

806
00:55:32.160 --> 00:55:37.480
and trying to figure it all out, I allow him to show me who he is and I present myself

807
00:55:37.480 --> 00:55:38.480
to him.

808
00:55:38.480 --> 00:55:42.240
Then I discover that I am fully accepted.

809
00:55:42.240 --> 00:55:43.320
I'm fully loved.

810
00:55:43.320 --> 00:55:49.120
I really am enough because I'm experiencing it with him.

811
00:55:49.120 --> 00:55:53.640
Actually when I'm in his presence, that's what he's giving me.

812
00:55:53.640 --> 00:55:55.400
I'm not trying to figure it out anymore.

813
00:55:55.400 --> 00:56:01.880
In other words, overcoming my knowledge or my whatever, do you need to go?

814
00:56:01.880 --> 00:56:02.880
No.

815
00:56:02.880 --> 00:56:04.760
I'm just changing rooms.

816
00:56:04.760 --> 00:56:05.760
Okay.

817
00:56:05.760 --> 00:56:06.760
Huh?

818
00:56:06.760 --> 00:56:07.760
That's interesting.

819
00:56:07.760 --> 00:56:08.760
Yes.

820
00:56:08.760 --> 00:56:19.400
So it's choosing God over my knowledge of him to determine to me what is letting God

821
00:56:20.400 --> 00:56:24.960
and his being, not what I figure out from scripture.

822
00:56:24.960 --> 00:56:26.200
I'm not saying scripture is wrong.

823
00:56:26.200 --> 00:56:27.200
I'm saying, no, no, no, no, no.

824
00:56:27.200 --> 00:56:28.200
I don't hear you.

825
00:56:28.200 --> 00:56:29.200
So what is true?

826
00:56:29.200 --> 00:56:37.960
Then I lose my experience in relationship with a being helped me now interpret through

827
00:56:37.960 --> 00:56:42.760
where in other words, where God helps me interpret Lord, what does scripture mean?

828
00:56:42.760 --> 00:56:47.600
Because I'm telling you, Lord, I cannot get it to reconcile.

829
00:56:47.600 --> 00:56:50.960
We can't even get certain parts of scripture to reconcile with other parts of scripture.

830
00:56:50.960 --> 00:56:51.960
And yet we all, right.

831
00:56:51.960 --> 00:56:52.960
What do we have to do?

832
00:56:52.960 --> 00:56:58.080
If we can't get him to reconcile, we end up choosing one over the other.

833
00:56:58.080 --> 00:57:03.160
We choose this one, ignore this one because we can't get him to reconcile and God's just

834
00:57:03.160 --> 00:57:04.160
like, no, no.

835
00:57:04.160 --> 00:57:05.720
If I said this, we'll then accept this.

836
00:57:05.720 --> 00:57:09.040
And if I said this, accept this and we're going, I don't, I don't get it.

837
00:57:09.040 --> 00:57:13.480
So what we have to do is apparently there's just something that we're just not understanding.

838
00:57:13.480 --> 00:57:18.120
So we have, that's what I was talking about with the old and the new wineskin is if God

839
00:57:18.120 --> 00:57:23.880
says that this is who he is, then I have to choose that.

840
00:57:23.880 --> 00:57:28.160
And then I have, and I have to abandon the old wineskin, have to abandon the old way

841
00:57:28.160 --> 00:57:31.920
that I believed the old way that I perceived him to be.

842
00:57:31.920 --> 00:57:38.480
And I have to let him tell me who he is as opposed to figuring it out.

843
00:57:38.480 --> 00:57:44.960
It's me trying to figure it out this whole time in life that's gotten me where I am.

844
00:57:44.960 --> 00:57:49.120
That has made me miserable, that has made me stressed.

845
00:57:49.120 --> 00:57:51.480
It's not working.

846
00:57:51.480 --> 00:57:53.480
So something is wrong.

847
00:57:53.480 --> 00:57:59.480
So the approach is that approach of like me approaching things from the tree of the knowledge

848
00:57:59.480 --> 00:58:07.360
of good and evil, as opposed to approaching it from getting to it from relating to a being.

849
00:58:07.360 --> 00:58:11.360
That was the, that was the choice that Adam and Eve were presented with.

850
00:58:11.360 --> 00:58:13.920
And they chose, you know, knowledge.

851
00:58:13.920 --> 00:58:18.760
They chose to try to, to figure things out on their own, you know, et cetera.

852
00:58:18.760 --> 00:58:21.200
They didn't want to not be around God anymore.

853
00:58:21.200 --> 00:58:27.800
In fact, it really bothered them to no longer that they realized they no longer had a relationship

854
00:58:27.800 --> 00:58:28.800
with that.

855
00:58:28.800 --> 00:58:31.520
Their choice costs them their relationship.

856
00:58:31.520 --> 00:58:35.480
They thought they could have both.

857
00:58:35.480 --> 00:58:39.440
They thought that if they had God though, you know, just in it, they just existed in

858
00:58:39.440 --> 00:58:43.900
relationship with him and just operated from the, from his character.

859
00:58:43.900 --> 00:58:48.280
They thought they couldn't, that God was pulling out on them and that there was something that

860
00:58:48.280 --> 00:58:49.280
they were missing.

861
00:58:49.280 --> 00:58:55.920
Like, Oh, remember what Satan told them, he said, well, God knows that you've got the

862
00:58:55.920 --> 00:59:02.760
tree that, that God knows that if you eat of the tree, then you will be like him knowing

863
00:59:02.760 --> 00:59:04.760
the difference between good and evil.

864
00:59:05.040 --> 00:59:10.080
In other words, he was saying by living the way that you're currently living, you're,

865
00:59:10.080 --> 00:59:15.400
you don't have something you don't, he knows something that you don't.

866
00:59:15.400 --> 00:59:18.600
And then he's holding, he's withholding that from you.

867
00:59:18.600 --> 00:59:21.200
So they're like, well, I want that too.

868
00:59:21.200 --> 00:59:27.920
So they, I believe that they thought they could have both, but no, is that by choosing

869
00:59:27.920 --> 00:59:33.680
this, they were not, they were choosing to not have this.

870
00:59:33.680 --> 00:59:35.480
They could only do one.

871
00:59:35.480 --> 00:59:39.520
So if we're, so that's why we can't use this.

872
00:59:39.520 --> 00:59:45.160
If this is what we want, we have to abandon the figuring out, we have to abandon their

873
00:59:45.160 --> 00:59:46.160
knowledge.

874
00:59:46.160 --> 00:59:53.480
They have all of that, choose this and then live from live from relationship because it's

875
00:59:53.480 --> 00:59:58.240
actually who God is that he's trying to express in the Bible.

876
00:59:58.240 --> 00:59:59.920
But if we're trying to.

877
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.320
approached the Bible. So it's only our relationship with him

878
01:00:04.320 --> 01:00:09.000
that can interpret the Bible for us, because it's his character

879
01:00:09.000 --> 01:00:13.080
that he's trying to express. But if we're not approaching it,

880
01:00:13.120 --> 01:00:15.880
approaching, figuring out and understanding the Bible and

881
01:00:15.880 --> 01:00:19.640
interpreting the Bible from relationship with him, and

882
01:00:19.640 --> 01:00:22.120
we're just trying to do it from knowledge, and we're by trying

883
01:00:22.120 --> 01:00:27.520
to figure it out, then we can't ever understand it. Because what

884
01:00:27.520 --> 01:00:31.040
he's talking about is he's talking about, you know, his

885
01:00:31.040 --> 01:00:34.280
character, he's talking about what can only be understood from

886
01:00:34.280 --> 01:00:38.080
relationship, but we're abandoning approaching it from

887
01:00:38.080 --> 01:00:40.920
that way. We're abandoning approaching it from relationship

888
01:00:40.920 --> 01:00:44.840
and experiencing God himself. And instead, we're trying to

889
01:00:44.840 --> 01:00:49.760
figure it out without knowing him. And then we're not always

890
01:00:49.760 --> 01:00:54.040
going to get the interpretation wrong. Because it can only be

891
01:00:54.040 --> 01:01:00.680
understood through the code, if you will, of relationship, not

892
01:01:00.680 --> 01:01:05.960
through the code of knowledge and figuring out. So my friend,

893
01:01:06.800 --> 01:01:11.480
like I was telling you, what finally helped her release the

894
01:01:11.480 --> 01:01:16.360
stress is, and she she talks about this, in fact, she even

895
01:01:16.360 --> 01:01:20.000
talked about it just the other day. And she was telling other

896
01:01:20.000 --> 01:01:23.200
people that she and I were on a call with a bunch of other

897
01:01:23.200 --> 01:01:28.000
people. And she was relating to them. Again, she said, I thought

898
01:01:28.000 --> 01:01:31.040
I could figure it out. And I finally realized I had to stop

899
01:01:31.040 --> 01:01:35.520
figuring it out. And I had to embody it. I had in other words,

900
01:01:35.720 --> 01:01:40.280
I just had to choose who does God say that he is, and I will

901
01:01:40.280 --> 01:01:44.480
abandon everything else that I can't figure out. And I will

902
01:01:44.520 --> 01:01:48.200
even though I don't know how this is true, because it just

903
01:01:48.200 --> 01:01:53.560
feels too recklessly wonderful. And I don't see how he could

904
01:01:53.600 --> 01:01:57.960
love me as much as he does, and still be holy, or accept me

905
01:01:57.960 --> 01:02:02.640
unconditionally, and still tell me to do all you know that all

906
01:02:02.680 --> 01:02:06.000
that I need to do all these things. So if I can't reconcile

907
01:02:06.000 --> 01:02:11.400
them, I have to pick one. And this is the higher one. And I've

908
01:02:11.400 --> 01:02:14.440
been trying this one and it didn't work. So I have to

909
01:02:14.440 --> 01:02:18.440
recklessly abandon it and choose this instead. And so she

910
01:02:18.440 --> 01:02:22.360
said that as soon as she stopped trying to figure it out, and

911
01:02:22.360 --> 01:02:28.480
just chose God for who he was, and just embodied it, in other

912
01:02:28.480 --> 01:02:33.200
words, just began to live it, where you know, that, that if

913
01:02:33.200 --> 01:02:36.720
he's that she was unconditionally loved, and that

914
01:02:36.720 --> 01:02:40.680
she was enough for God, if she just lived it, even though she

915
01:02:40.680 --> 01:02:43.600
didn't understand it, even though she didn't feel like it

916
01:02:43.600 --> 01:02:47.800
was true, that she chose that it was and began to live it

917
01:02:47.800 --> 01:02:51.360
herself between her and the Lord. She said, everything

918
01:02:51.360 --> 01:02:53.600
changed. And she said, and that's when her life changed

919
01:02:53.640 --> 01:02:57.760
life transformed, because she chose to believe God over her

920
01:02:57.760 --> 01:02:59.240
being able to understand him.

921
01:03:03.480 --> 01:03:04.520
That's so good.

922
01:03:06.440 --> 01:03:10.080
And it's terrifying, because that's why God has to talk about

923
01:03:10.080 --> 01:03:13.680
faith the way that he does, because it doesn't make sense.

924
01:03:14.200 --> 01:03:17.600
There's so much which we're going, yeah, but what about?

925
01:03:17.600 --> 01:03:20.360
Yeah, but what about? Yeah, but what about? And yeah, but God,

926
01:03:20.400 --> 01:03:23.600
and here's often what we'll do. Yeah, but God, you said, yeah,

927
01:03:23.600 --> 01:03:26.800
but God, you've also said, yeah, but God, you said this. And

928
01:03:26.800 --> 01:03:31.560
yeah, but you said this, but here's the problem. We are

929
01:03:31.560 --> 01:03:37.360
actually putting those things between us and God, and say, and

930
01:03:37.880 --> 01:03:41.200
what we're doing is we're putting those as accusations

931
01:03:41.200 --> 01:03:45.680
against him. We think that we're repeating his words back to him.

932
01:03:46.000 --> 01:03:49.040
But if he is telling us one thing, and we're saying, yeah,

933
01:03:49.040 --> 01:03:54.560
but you said, yeah, that's accusation against him. Sure, if

934
01:03:54.560 --> 01:04:00.440
we if God, so what what I have to do, because I lived my whole

935
01:04:00.440 --> 01:04:04.040
life, needing God to reconcile all of the different things that

936
01:04:04.040 --> 01:04:08.600
he said. It's like, okay, or before I can move forward and

937
01:04:08.600 --> 01:04:14.320
anything that you say, I have to understand how that is how that

938
01:04:14.360 --> 01:04:18.600
works with all these other things that you said. And I

939
01:04:18.600 --> 01:04:23.560
realized that I wasn't getting very far very fast in the Lord,

940
01:04:23.760 --> 01:04:27.120
if I constantly required him to reconcile everything that he

941
01:04:27.120 --> 01:04:31.040
said to me, to my understanding to my satisfaction. So what I

942
01:04:31.040 --> 01:04:35.720
have to do is in a manner of speaking, I had to abandon a lot

943
01:04:35.720 --> 01:04:40.160
of the things that he said. Meaning like I had to abandon.

944
01:04:40.600 --> 01:04:45.120
And in fact, that I couldn't understand them. I couldn't

945
01:04:45.120 --> 01:04:48.240
understand. What did they mean? What was I supposed to do with

946
01:04:48.240 --> 01:04:51.480
them? What did he work? What was he telling me he required of me?

947
01:04:51.800 --> 01:04:55.600
You know, how do I have a relationship with him? And if I

948
01:04:55.600 --> 01:04:57.760
abandon it, I'm so concerned that I'm going to lose

949
01:04:57.760 --> 01:04:59.880
relationship with him because he's holding it

950
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.520
holding me to it, and then I'm not going to be doing it. I felt

951
01:05:03.520 --> 01:05:05.880
like I was risking my relationship with the Lord. But

952
01:05:05.880 --> 01:05:11.440
here's the really cool thing is that all of those things that I

953
01:05:11.640 --> 01:05:15.680
quote unquote, abandoned, they could only be understood and

954
01:05:15.680 --> 01:05:22.600
approached after and from the foundation of using something

955
01:05:22.600 --> 01:05:28.400
deeper that God had said that he is who he says that he is to the

956
01:05:28.400 --> 01:05:32.080
degree he says he is that which is good, he's provider, he's

957
01:05:32.080 --> 01:05:36.800
protector, he's holy, he's love, he's all of these things. I have

958
01:05:36.800 --> 01:05:41.800
to that is the deeper thing that he asked me to choose that he is

959
01:05:41.800 --> 01:05:46.360
who he says that he is over that he said what he said, because I

960
01:05:46.360 --> 01:05:49.720
can't figure that out yet. So I have to choose at a deeper

961
01:05:49.720 --> 01:05:52.880
level, you know, at the deepest level of my being, I have to

962
01:05:52.880 --> 01:05:58.040
choose him over what he said, and understanding it and

963
01:05:58.040 --> 01:06:01.640
following it. I just said, I don't understand God. You say

964
01:06:01.640 --> 01:06:03.840
that you're this and I don't understand what that means. You

965
01:06:03.840 --> 01:06:07.240
say you're good. You say that you're love. I don't fully I

966
01:06:07.240 --> 01:06:10.920
don't fully understand that. I don't understand how that's

967
01:06:10.920 --> 01:06:15.680
possible. I don't understand how that ends up working out. What

968
01:06:15.680 --> 01:06:18.680
that ends up making my life look like I don't understand how this

969
01:06:18.680 --> 01:06:22.640
is true, but then you also say this. So if I can only choose

970
01:06:22.640 --> 01:06:26.680
one Lord, you know, right now in order to finally get to actually

971
01:06:26.680 --> 01:06:30.400
believe something about you, then I'm going to choose that

972
01:06:30.400 --> 01:06:34.040
you are who you say that you are, to the degree you say

973
01:06:34.040 --> 01:06:38.840
you're that, and that I am who you say that I am. And you say

974
01:06:38.840 --> 01:06:42.560
that I that I am one with Christ, and he has nothing

975
01:06:42.560 --> 01:06:46.200
correct within him. So therefore, I am not correct. You

976
01:06:46.200 --> 01:06:50.520
say that I that as the new man, I have a new man has never

977
01:06:50.520 --> 01:06:54.600
since. So therefore, that is what I choose. And I'm going to

978
01:06:54.600 --> 01:06:59.200
start there doesn't mean that I'm not going to learn and

979
01:06:59.200 --> 01:07:02.360
understand all of the other things. But I couldn't

980
01:07:02.360 --> 01:07:05.640
understand them all at once. Because by trying to understand

981
01:07:05.640 --> 01:07:09.240
them all at once, I wasn't believing any of them. Because

982
01:07:09.240 --> 01:07:12.720
they seem to cancel each other out. Yeah, some seem to

983
01:07:12.720 --> 01:07:16.600
contradict this one. And so therefore, I was choosing

984
01:07:16.600 --> 01:07:20.680
nothing. So I finally realized without faith, it is impossible

985
01:07:20.680 --> 01:07:24.400
to please God, it says, in other words, I needed to choose

986
01:07:24.400 --> 01:07:27.600
something. So I thought, what is the deepest thing that in the

987
01:07:27.600 --> 01:07:30.960
Bible, God asks to choose? And it's always, always, always,

988
01:07:30.960 --> 01:07:35.840
always, always himself. Not what he said, what he tells us to do

989
01:07:35.840 --> 01:07:39.240
how he tells us to obey him. He said that the deepest thing that

990
01:07:39.240 --> 01:07:46.920
he always calls us to choose is him. Not even how you know, and

991
01:07:46.920 --> 01:07:56.120
that's him, even more than how he has who he has declared us to

992
01:07:56.120 --> 01:08:00.960
be, that we have to first choose that he is who he says he is.

993
01:08:01.680 --> 01:08:05.080
And that he is that to the degree that he says he's that,

994
01:08:05.320 --> 01:08:08.320
like, in other words, we can believe that he's love, but do

995
01:08:08.320 --> 01:08:11.880
we believe that he's love to the extent that he says he's

996
01:08:11.880 --> 01:08:15.000
love? He doesn't say he's this much love, he says this much

997
01:08:15.000 --> 01:08:18.319
love. So do we believe that he's love? Or do we really believe

998
01:08:18.319 --> 01:08:21.720
that he's love? Who does he say that he is? And we have to

999
01:08:21.720 --> 01:08:26.200
choose that. We won't feel it. It won't make sense to us. But

1000
01:08:26.200 --> 01:08:29.399
we make the decision that that is who he is, we make a

1001
01:08:29.399 --> 01:08:34.080
decision that that is that. We won't feel it. We won't believe

1002
01:08:34.080 --> 01:08:38.840
it. But you make a decision and it will feel like in other

1003
01:08:38.840 --> 01:08:42.640
words, you make you decide that that's reality. You're not

1004
01:08:42.640 --> 01:08:46.760
making it up. Because God said that that's true. What you're

1005
01:08:46.760 --> 01:08:50.399
finally doing is because you can't convince yourself. Because

1006
01:08:50.399 --> 01:08:52.560
you can't make yourself believe it because you've been trying

1007
01:08:52.560 --> 01:08:55.200
that and you just, you know, if you're like me, it just hasn't

1008
01:08:55.200 --> 01:09:00.960
worked. So because trying to believe it hasn't worked, I had

1009
01:09:00.960 --> 01:09:06.760
to make a decision that it was true. I had to finally come

1010
01:09:06.800 --> 01:09:11.040
into a I had to decide to agree with God that that was true.

1011
01:09:11.359 --> 01:09:14.319
Because he said it and he said, Actually, I want you to agree

1012
01:09:14.319 --> 01:09:18.760
with me. So I agreed with them. And it felt like I was making

1013
01:09:18.760 --> 01:09:21.840
it up. It felt like, yeah, but God, I don't see how it's

1014
01:09:21.840 --> 01:09:24.920
possible. I don't see that that's how the world works. I

1015
01:09:24.920 --> 01:09:29.279
don't see that that's how my life works. So Lord, it doesn't.

1016
01:09:29.720 --> 01:09:33.600
It doesn't feel true. So it feels like I am believing

1017
01:09:33.600 --> 01:09:40.319
something that isn't real. And yeah, show itself to be real.

1018
01:09:40.880 --> 01:09:42.880
Or you sit there and nothing happens.

1019
01:09:44.040 --> 01:09:47.640
Yeah, it's what it is what it feels like. So what I had, but

1020
01:09:47.960 --> 01:09:53.080
so I just had to make the choice is if I was making up a new

1021
01:09:53.080 --> 01:09:58.680
reality. I had to choose that if God said it, it was true in my

1022
01:09:58.680 --> 01:10:00.120
life. I made it

1023
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.820
decision. I didn't say, okay, God, you know, if you say that

1024
01:10:03.820 --> 01:10:07.860
that's true, well, then I guess I'll just see it. You know, I'll

1025
01:10:07.860 --> 01:10:12.720
let I'll let you come in and prove that to me. And then and

1026
01:10:12.720 --> 01:10:17.560
then that'll show me that it's real. That won't work. I

1027
01:10:17.560 --> 01:10:24.360
actually had to decide that that was the way that who God is, is

1028
01:10:24.360 --> 01:10:29.240
the way it was going to be in my world. And then I was just gonna

1029
01:10:29.360 --> 01:10:33.000
and then God eventually was going to just show up like

1030
01:10:33.000 --> 01:10:37.280
that. I don't know why I hadn't shown up like that to this

1031
01:10:37.280 --> 01:10:40.880
point. All I know is that if he says it's true, then I'm going

1032
01:10:40.880 --> 01:10:44.200
to choose in my kingdom. That is the authority that's going to

1033
01:10:44.200 --> 01:10:47.600
rule. That is the thing that's going to be real. Because I

1034
01:10:47.600 --> 01:10:51.960
decided I'm deciding something that God's already said, I'm not

1035
01:10:51.960 --> 01:10:55.540
making something up because I wish it to be so. You only

1036
01:10:55.540 --> 01:10:59.940
decide the things that God has spoken are the things that are

1037
01:10:59.940 --> 01:11:03.180
true. We don't just decide, oh, well, I want God to be like

1038
01:11:03.180 --> 01:11:05.940
this. So I'm going to decide that that's what he's like. So

1039
01:11:06.740 --> 01:11:11.020
who does God say he is, and then make a decision that in your

1040
01:11:11.020 --> 01:11:14.780
world and in your kingdom and your the reality in which you

1041
01:11:14.780 --> 01:11:20.260
live, that is who he is. And I had to choose that over my life.

1042
01:11:21.220 --> 01:11:25.420
Because think about it, your life in so many ways, according

1043
01:11:25.420 --> 01:11:28.740
to the way that we're filtering and interpreting it isn't

1044
01:11:28.740 --> 01:11:32.580
looking like that. It's not looking like what God says he

1045
01:11:32.580 --> 01:11:36.900
is. God says he's good. God says he's love and life does not look

1046
01:11:36.900 --> 01:11:39.940
like that. You know, in so many ways, you know, that's what

1047
01:11:39.940 --> 01:11:45.820
we're thinking, right? So I have to. So in what we're doing is we

1048
01:11:45.820 --> 01:11:50.580
don't want, we're so afraid to choose that God is love, because

1049
01:11:50.580 --> 01:11:53.180
we're afraid or and I'm just using that as one of these

1050
01:11:53.180 --> 01:11:57.180
things. Because God says he's lots of things. We were so

1051
01:11:57.180 --> 01:12:02.540
afraid to choose that he's love in our life. Because we don't

1052
01:12:02.540 --> 01:12:05.820
feel that that's going to actually show up. And we're

1053
01:12:05.820 --> 01:12:09.780
actually going to get to live it. So what we do is because we

1054
01:12:09.780 --> 01:12:14.860
don't think it's actually true. We're going to choose other ways

1055
01:12:14.860 --> 01:12:20.180
to protect ourselves from disappointment and of him not

1056
01:12:20.180 --> 01:12:23.620
coming through. And so you protect yourself from

1057
01:12:23.620 --> 01:12:28.260
disappointment by not believing that because if you believe it

1058
01:12:28.260 --> 01:12:31.420
and it didn't happen, you'll be disappointed. So we choose to so

1059
01:12:31.420 --> 01:12:33.820
in order to avoid disappointment, we don't choose

1060
01:12:33.820 --> 01:12:39.420
that we choose to believe what it is that we're seeing. Well,

1061
01:12:39.420 --> 01:12:44.460
it looks like God loves me conditionally. It looks like and

1062
01:12:44.460 --> 01:12:48.940
feels like and experiences that I look like this. So as long as

1063
01:12:48.940 --> 01:12:54.020
I accept reality, that I won't be disappointed because I will

1064
01:12:54.020 --> 01:12:57.340
have expected it even when bad things happen. Because I

1065
01:12:57.340 --> 01:13:02.100
expected it. I can't be disappointed. Because I knew it

1066
01:13:02.100 --> 01:13:04.940
was gonna happen. And sure enough, it happened. So I

1067
01:13:04.940 --> 01:13:09.100
protected myself against disappointment. But if God says

1068
01:13:09.100 --> 01:13:12.460
that that is not who he is, and we don't like our lives and how

1069
01:13:12.460 --> 01:13:15.980
they're looking in our life, no matter if we thought that this

1070
01:13:15.980 --> 01:13:19.180
was the right way to live it. If you're miserable, it means

1071
01:13:19.180 --> 01:13:23.180
something's wrong. It means that somehow what we've been doing

1072
01:13:23.300 --> 01:13:27.540
doesn't work. So we have to do is we have to make Bible talk so

1073
01:13:27.540 --> 01:13:31.020
much about hardship, and suffering and taking up the

1074
01:13:31.020 --> 01:13:35.940
cross, and all the martyrs and all the priests in prison people

1075
01:13:36.620 --> 01:13:41.060
that follow Christ in Asia, then I'm like, it's aren't we

1076
01:13:41.100 --> 01:13:42.620
supposed to be in pain?

1077
01:13:44.780 --> 01:13:47.820
But part of that, I think that's also theology, or just kind of

1078
01:13:47.820 --> 01:13:51.580
reconcile, how can this be true? If this is true? Yeah, yeah, I

1079
01:13:51.580 --> 01:13:56.340
have to make a decision. Do I want to true? Do I do I? Do I

1080
01:13:56.340 --> 01:14:01.620
choose that God is harsh? Or do I choose and because that's my

1081
01:14:01.620 --> 01:14:06.460
my own only my only way of understanding this if I don't

1082
01:14:06.460 --> 01:14:11.740
believe me? So then do I believe that? Or do I believe

1083
01:14:11.740 --> 01:14:15.500
that? Because if we're if we're finding them contradictory,

1084
01:14:16.140 --> 01:14:20.900
we're having to choose one of them. So choose. So if you've

1085
01:14:20.900 --> 01:14:25.580
been choosing one this whole time, and it hasn't worked, what

1086
01:14:25.580 --> 01:14:29.940
I did is I is I abandoned it. And I chose the other very

1087
01:14:29.940 --> 01:14:34.020
recklessly. And not because I wished it to be true, so to

1088
01:14:34.060 --> 01:14:37.540
speak. It was that I mean, I did wish it to be true. But the

1089
01:14:37.540 --> 01:14:42.700
reason I did is because God said that that's who he was. Like,

1090
01:14:42.700 --> 01:14:45.900
okay, then I'm going to choose that one because I thought he

1091
01:14:45.900 --> 01:14:50.140
said he was like this too. But it's not working. That's not

1092
01:14:50.140 --> 01:14:54.060
working. So maybe there's just simply something about it that

1093
01:14:54.060 --> 01:14:57.420
I'm not understanding. In other words, I'm not approaching it

1094
01:14:57.420 --> 01:14:59.900
from the person I'm not seeing it

1095
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.440
through the filter that I'm meant to see it through,

1096
01:15:03.440 --> 01:15:06.720
I'm seeing it through another filter.

1097
01:15:06.720 --> 01:15:08.920
And so therefore I don't understand

1098
01:15:08.920 --> 01:15:11.160
why there's so much suffering, et cetera.

1099
01:15:11.160 --> 01:15:12.400
You know, so anyway,

1100
01:15:12.400 --> 01:15:15.280
so I just abandoned trying to understand this

1101
01:15:15.280 --> 01:15:16.440
and I chose this instead.

1102
01:15:16.440 --> 01:15:21.000
So we can't, we, that's the, again,

1103
01:15:21.000 --> 01:15:22.920
the thing about the old and the new wine spin,

1104
01:15:22.920 --> 01:15:26.920
we can't, when God calls us into something new,

1105
01:15:26.920 --> 01:15:28.480
we can't use an old wine spin.

1106
01:15:28.480 --> 01:15:32.600
Our way of understanding it or the things that we believed

1107
01:15:32.600 --> 01:15:35.840
because they will not reconcile God,

1108
01:15:35.840 --> 01:15:38.440
because here's, I mean, they eventually reconcile,

1109
01:15:38.440 --> 01:15:43.120
but they, our approach to them does not,

1110
01:15:43.120 --> 01:15:48.120
cannot stay, how do I put that?

1111
01:15:50.360 --> 01:15:54.640
That the problem is our approach to them.

1112
01:15:54.640 --> 01:15:55.840
So we have to,

1113
01:15:55.840 --> 01:15:58.520
since we don't know how to approach it in different,

1114
01:15:58.520 --> 01:16:02.560
we just have to abandon it, choose this instead,

1115
01:16:02.560 --> 01:16:07.160
and then God will shine light on what that other means,

1116
01:16:07.160 --> 01:16:09.680
how to view it in the appropriate,

1117
01:16:11.400 --> 01:16:13.840
correct way, so to speak.

1118
01:16:13.840 --> 01:16:16.040
Well, okay, Lord, you know,

1119
01:16:16.040 --> 01:16:17.640
what is this whole martyr thing?

1120
01:16:17.640 --> 01:16:19.440
What is this whole suffering thing?

1121
01:16:19.440 --> 01:16:20.480
You know, et cetera.

1122
01:16:22.120 --> 01:16:24.760
And which, you know, I could explain some of that,

1123
01:16:24.760 --> 01:16:29.000
but anyway, I felt like I was,

1124
01:16:29.880 --> 01:16:31.040
that I was,

1125
01:16:33.080 --> 01:16:33.920
word,

1126
01:16:35.280 --> 01:16:37.760
why am I having a hard time thinking of the word?

1127
01:16:37.760 --> 01:16:42.160
That I was risking my relationship with the Lord.

1128
01:16:42.160 --> 01:16:43.000
Yeah.

1129
01:16:43.000 --> 01:16:47.040
Because I thought that he was holding me accountable

1130
01:16:47.040 --> 01:16:48.680
to doing all of these things,

1131
01:16:48.680 --> 01:16:50.880
to obeying all, to obeying him over here,

1132
01:16:50.880 --> 01:16:52.880
to apologizing all of the time,

1133
01:16:52.880 --> 01:16:56.520
to feeling bad about myself, to do that,

1134
01:16:56.520 --> 01:16:59.840
and that that was making him pleased with me.

1135
01:16:59.840 --> 01:17:02.080
But it wasn't working,

1136
01:17:02.080 --> 01:17:03.640
because there were all of these other things

1137
01:17:03.640 --> 01:17:05.680
that he said to believe about himself too,

1138
01:17:05.680 --> 01:17:07.040
and it's like, well,

1139
01:17:07.040 --> 01:17:09.480
I couldn't see how they both could exist,

1140
01:17:09.480 --> 01:17:11.240
so I abandoned these,

1141
01:17:11.240 --> 01:17:14.120
and I kept all of the hard things.

1142
01:17:14.120 --> 01:17:16.480
So again, when they didn't work,

1143
01:17:16.480 --> 01:17:18.600
I had to, because I couldn't figure out

1144
01:17:18.600 --> 01:17:19.720
how the two reconcile,

1145
01:17:19.720 --> 01:17:21.840
I had to abandon all of these,

1146
01:17:21.880 --> 01:17:23.880
and I had to choose these,

1147
01:17:23.880 --> 01:17:25.440
and that changed everything.

1148
01:17:25.440 --> 01:17:26.280
And then from that,

1149
01:17:26.280 --> 01:17:28.880
he began to shine light on all of these other things

1150
01:17:28.880 --> 01:17:32.040
I could only see through God has been harsh, et cetera.

1151
01:17:32.040 --> 01:17:36.080
Then he understood that was possible through love.

1152
01:17:36.080 --> 01:17:38.600
And I just hadn't understood that before,

1153
01:17:38.600 --> 01:17:40.960
but I had to abandon them first,

1154
01:17:40.960 --> 01:17:43.600
because here's ultimately what God requires.

1155
01:17:43.600 --> 01:17:47.240
He said, he always wants us to choose him

1156
01:17:47.240 --> 01:17:50.320
over our life, over our lifestyle,

1157
01:17:50.320 --> 01:17:51.680
over our knowledge,

1158
01:17:51.680 --> 01:17:54.480
over what we thought we understood,

1159
01:17:54.480 --> 01:17:57.000
over our fear,

1160
01:17:57.000 --> 01:18:00.080
even over us understanding him.

1161
01:18:00.080 --> 01:18:02.680
He wants to be chosen for who he is,

1162
01:18:02.680 --> 01:18:05.560
regardless of whether we like it,

1163
01:18:05.560 --> 01:18:07.840
regardless of whether we understand it,

1164
01:18:07.840 --> 01:18:10.600
regardless if we don't know what it is,

1165
01:18:10.600 --> 01:18:12.720
because sometimes God will ask us,

1166
01:18:12.720 --> 01:18:17.720
in fact, you're currently in that position

1167
01:18:18.320 --> 01:18:20.920
of having to choose God

1168
01:18:20.920 --> 01:18:23.280
without knowing what you're choosing.

1169
01:18:24.600 --> 01:18:27.000
And that's what I had to do as well.

1170
01:18:27.000 --> 01:18:29.720
I'm like, okay, God, I don't know who you are,

1171
01:18:30.840 --> 01:18:35.120
but you're telling me to choose who that is.

1172
01:18:35.120 --> 01:18:37.000
So Lord, who are you?

1173
01:18:37.000 --> 01:18:39.080
And sometimes he won't tell us.

1174
01:18:39.080 --> 01:18:40.480
I mean, he'll tell us general things.

1175
01:18:40.480 --> 01:18:44.480
Oh, I'm good, I'm loved, I'm whatever,

1176
01:18:44.480 --> 01:18:48.800
but we don't know fully what that means.

1177
01:18:48.800 --> 01:18:50.640
What do you mean you're loved?

1178
01:18:50.640 --> 01:18:52.560
What do you mean you're good?

1179
01:18:52.560 --> 01:18:54.000
Because Lord, I haven't,

1180
01:18:54.000 --> 01:18:55.600
the things that I've been seeing in my life

1181
01:18:55.600 --> 01:18:58.000
and other people's life, that didn't look good,

1182
01:18:58.000 --> 01:18:59.480
or that didn't look like love.

1183
01:18:59.480 --> 01:19:01.600
So you say that you're good and you say that you're loved

1184
01:19:01.600 --> 01:19:03.400
and you say that you share that in my life,

1185
01:19:03.400 --> 01:19:07.000
so apparently I don't know what good or what love is.

1186
01:19:07.000 --> 01:19:09.120
But whatever that is, Lord,

1187
01:19:09.120 --> 01:19:12.560
and whoever you are, I'm choosing to receive that.

1188
01:19:12.600 --> 01:19:16.000
I'm choosing that over what my life looks like,

1189
01:19:17.080 --> 01:19:21.000
over whether my life looks good or comfortable

1190
01:19:21.000 --> 01:19:25.600
or pain or whatever, I choose that you,

1191
01:19:25.600 --> 01:19:30.600
I choose as my higher value that you be who you are

1192
01:19:32.040 --> 01:19:36.000
into my life instead of over my life

1193
01:19:36.000 --> 01:19:37.800
looking a particular way.

1194
01:19:37.800 --> 01:19:41.920
For me, understanding or whatever, I just choose you.

1195
01:19:41.920 --> 01:19:45.560
That's true life sacrifice of ourselves.

1196
01:19:45.560 --> 01:19:48.400
And then by doing that, God takes care of us.

1197
01:19:48.400 --> 01:19:50.080
God takes care of everything.

1198
01:19:50.080 --> 01:19:55.080
He mentioned in Hebrews 11, six,

1199
01:19:56.440 --> 01:19:58.280
what we're called to have faith in.

1200
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.400
Because you know, we all wonder that, okay, we're supposed to

1201
01:20:02.400 --> 01:20:06.000
have faith, what are we supposed to have faith in? Are we

1202
01:20:06.000 --> 01:20:11.480
supposed to have faith that, you know, God promised that such and

1203
01:20:11.480 --> 01:20:14.960
such would happen. And then we have faith that that's going to

1204
01:20:14.960 --> 01:20:24.320
happen. And it's not, it is, it was 11, six. It says, and

1205
01:20:24.320 --> 01:20:28.800
without faith, it is impossible to please God, because anyone

1206
01:20:28.800 --> 01:20:32.120
who comes to him must believe that he exists. So we've got

1207
01:20:32.120 --> 01:20:38.400
that one. And that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

1208
01:20:39.840 --> 01:20:46.040
Not seek that, and believe that what he said is going to happen

1209
01:20:46.040 --> 01:20:48.560
is going to happen, that if he gives you a promise, that it's

1210
01:20:48.560 --> 01:20:51.760
going to happen, or whatever. And no, what we're supposed to

1211
01:20:51.760 --> 01:20:59.240
have faith in, it's saying, is him, not in what he says, you

1212
01:20:59.240 --> 01:21:02.280
know, etc. That sure, we're supposed to, you know, believe

1213
01:21:02.280 --> 01:21:06.720
what he says, etc. But my point is, it's so much deeper than

1214
01:21:06.720 --> 01:21:11.760
that. The foundation is we have to choose him without

1215
01:21:11.760 --> 01:21:16.840
conditions. You know, allowing him to be whoever it is that he

1216
01:21:16.840 --> 01:21:19.920
says that he is, even though we don't know what that is, and we

1217
01:21:19.920 --> 01:21:25.000
don't understand it. We just have to choose that. And, and

1218
01:21:25.000 --> 01:21:28.000
then choose that he says that, okay, he says that he loves me

1219
01:21:28.000 --> 01:21:31.080
unconditionally. So I will choose that no matter what it is

1220
01:21:31.080 --> 01:21:35.200
that I'm doing, whether I'm sinning, intentionally or

1221
01:21:35.200 --> 01:21:38.080
unintentionally, or I'm not sending that someone's doing

1222
01:21:38.080 --> 01:21:41.160
something to me. But you know, when they they're hurting me,

1223
01:21:41.160 --> 01:21:44.880
and they're, you know, they're attacking me, or I'm living some

1224
01:21:44.880 --> 01:21:50.720
kind of a I'm getting some kind of an A an experience with the

1225
01:21:50.720 --> 01:21:56.560
Lord or with, you know, or in my school or with a relationship or

1226
01:21:56.560 --> 01:22:04.600
with finances or whatever. I choose that, that no, that no

1227
01:22:04.600 --> 01:22:07.640
matter what it looks like, and no matter what it feels like,

1228
01:22:07.640 --> 01:22:10.520
and no matter what I'm being tempted to believe, to the

1229
01:22:10.520 --> 01:22:16.040
contrary, I am choosing that God loves me. He says that he

1230
01:22:16.040 --> 01:22:19.360
loves me, he says that right now, I'm enough for him, without

1231
01:22:19.360 --> 01:22:22.960
doing anything, without being anything without accomplishing

1232
01:22:23.040 --> 01:22:27.880
anything, that everything it is that I've done this far in my

1233
01:22:27.880 --> 01:22:33.960
life, isn't being used by God to determine to him whether or not

1234
01:22:33.960 --> 01:22:38.080
he loves me, that he loves me simply because that's what he

1235
01:22:38.080 --> 01:22:42.560
chose. And he chose that before we chose him. For instance, I

1236
01:22:42.560 --> 01:22:45.000
know that you're talking about, you know, sometimes these things

1237
01:22:45.000 --> 01:22:47.360
just kind of feel a bit contradictory, like the fact

1238
01:22:47.360 --> 01:22:50.640
that, yeah, that we're supposed to believe in, you know, etc.

1239
01:22:50.640 --> 01:22:54.480
And yeah, we are. But the thing is that, in remember what I was

1240
01:22:54.480 --> 01:22:58.400
saying earlier, is that you are more important to him than

1241
01:22:58.400 --> 01:23:02.760
whether or not you believe him. Your belief in him is not the

1242
01:23:02.760 --> 01:23:07.760
most important thing to him. You, regardless of your belief,

1243
01:23:08.240 --> 01:23:11.320
is what's most important to him. It's not that your belief is not

1244
01:23:11.320 --> 01:23:15.920
important to him. It's that you are more important than what you

1245
01:23:15.920 --> 01:23:19.800
believe. And how do we know that we can prove that God proved

1246
01:23:19.800 --> 01:23:25.080
that through scripture, when it says that God chose us, and he

1247
01:23:25.080 --> 01:23:31.640
saved us to himself, while we were killing him. So not only

1248
01:23:31.640 --> 01:23:35.680
were we not choosing him and not believing him, but we were

1249
01:23:35.680 --> 01:23:40.960
out and out rejecting him to such an extent, to such an

1250
01:23:40.960 --> 01:23:46.680
extreme, that our rejection killed him. So it's not like,

1251
01:23:46.720 --> 01:23:49.160
Oh, well, he was dying. And while he was dying, we were

1252
01:23:49.160 --> 01:23:54.000
rejected. Our rejection is what killed him. Our unbelief is what

1253
01:23:54.000 --> 01:23:58.800
killed him. And it was in that time that he chose us and loved

1254
01:23:58.800 --> 01:24:04.800
us. And that he, you know, united us with himself. I mean,

1255
01:24:04.800 --> 01:24:07.920
that is love without condition. So the love with it, the

1256
01:24:07.920 --> 01:24:13.280
unconditional love was proving, God said, like this action. Even

1257
01:24:13.280 --> 01:24:15.920
though I don't know that anywhere in the Bible, it says

1258
01:24:15.920 --> 01:24:21.200
the phrase, God loves us unconditionally. The act itself

1259
01:24:21.440 --> 01:24:26.000
proved it, because he didn't even die for us while we loved

1260
01:24:26.000 --> 01:24:30.240
him. He died for us, when we have literally had nothing to

1261
01:24:30.240 --> 01:24:34.000
offer and literally not only didn't want to, we were the

1262
01:24:34.000 --> 01:24:38.160
ones who were causing him to die. We are rejection of him

1263
01:24:38.160 --> 01:24:43.480
was killing him. And so he's like, so there's nothing. So

1264
01:24:43.480 --> 01:24:47.880
that's how we know, proven by the fact that God himself, he

1265
01:24:47.880 --> 01:24:51.920
doesn't have to die. Because he's God, he put himself in a

1266
01:24:51.920 --> 01:24:58.400
position and actually died, actually went to death. And

1267
01:24:58.480 --> 01:24:59.880
because he

1268
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:06.720
chose us. And he did that without conditions on our part. In other words, we had nothing to offer.

1269
01:25:06.720 --> 01:25:13.520
So, if that's how he chose us, then there's nothing on this side of his death, because his

1270
01:25:13.520 --> 01:25:19.200
death was worse. There's nothing on this side of his death, now that he's resurrected, that we can,

1271
01:25:20.080 --> 01:25:28.720
that his choice of us and his love of us is conditional on, not even your belief.

1272
01:25:30.000 --> 01:25:38.240
Because you had no belief back then, when your unbelief killed him. So, your belief now,

1273
01:25:38.240 --> 01:25:43.920
so his love of you and his choice of you is not conditional on your belief.

1274
01:25:45.600 --> 01:25:52.240
And so, I'm saying all of that from the fact, you've already believed in him, which has allowed

1275
01:25:52.240 --> 01:25:59.200
you to be, to receive what it is that he did. And you've been able to be reunited with him, because

1276
01:25:59.200 --> 01:26:06.560
you responded to him. So, now that you were united with him, and there's nothing correct

1277
01:26:06.560 --> 01:26:13.360
within you, then you don't have to be, then you don't have to worry about not believing him.

1278
01:26:13.920 --> 01:26:22.240
That's who you are now. You are the new man. Your soul and your body, yeah, they still struggle

1279
01:26:22.240 --> 01:26:30.080
with unbelief, but your spirit doesn't. Now that you've chosen him, now that you've received what

1280
01:26:30.080 --> 01:26:35.520
he did for you, when you didn't believe him, and so therefore, he has no conditions on you.

1281
01:26:37.120 --> 01:26:43.040
Now that you're united with him and one with him, your new man literally has no history of sin.

1282
01:26:44.160 --> 01:26:51.200
Because the old man died, the new man was created. The new man was literally created in Christ,

1283
01:26:51.200 --> 01:26:58.400
when you accepted him. And therefore, it's never had an existence or a history in which it had sinned.

1284
01:27:00.000 --> 01:27:08.080
So, that's why, that's the, that's the, I don't know, the foundation, the logic or whatever that you,

1285
01:27:09.120 --> 01:27:17.440
that proves that you are more important to him than your belief in him. You know, meaning like,

1286
01:27:17.840 --> 01:27:23.600
whether or not you're believing him right now that he loves you, or whether or not you're

1287
01:27:23.600 --> 01:27:30.160
believing that, you know, even that he loves you unconditionally. You have to choose, you have to

1288
01:27:30.160 --> 01:27:36.400
believe that if he says that you are as important as he says that you are, that you really are to

1289
01:27:36.400 --> 01:27:43.920
him. You have to allow yourself to be that important, to be chosen at that deep level

1290
01:27:43.920 --> 01:27:50.800
that was so unconditional. Because it's true, but you don't get to live the benefits of it being true

1291
01:27:51.680 --> 01:27:57.600
if you don't choose it, if you don't allow it to be. Because God's like, hey, this is what I choose

1292
01:27:57.600 --> 01:28:04.480
for me. Like, yeah, Lord, but that's not what I choose to live, experience it. You have to choose

1293
01:28:04.480 --> 01:28:11.360
to live to, you have to choose it in order to get to live and experience that. So, that's what I do

1294
01:28:11.360 --> 01:28:15.760
whenever I'm stressed or whatever. Sure, there's other tools that we'll be talking about in session

1295
01:28:15.760 --> 01:28:30.000
seven of the teaching. But that, you know, like, do you? It's so good. Yeah. But ultimately,

1296
01:28:30.000 --> 01:28:38.880
the deep thing is that we have to completely abandon our understanding,

1297
01:28:39.520 --> 01:28:45.840
our trying to reconcile all of those other things that God said, etc. Because it's like,

1298
01:28:45.840 --> 01:28:55.840
you can't understand them if you're not choosing the basis of faith that I am requiring of you.

1299
01:28:55.840 --> 01:29:04.080
And that is just me. Do you choose me? Everything else, the understanding, the obedience,

1300
01:29:04.080 --> 01:29:10.880
the living like me, the looking like me, the, you know, being a good Christian, all of that

1301
01:29:10.880 --> 01:29:18.960
flows naturally from choosing me first. So, there's no hope of this if we don't do this.

1302
01:29:19.760 --> 01:29:25.520
So, if this, and I'm trying to figure this out, is keeping us from being able to do this.

1303
01:29:26.240 --> 01:29:30.560
So, like, I don't see how this reconciles with this. So, I have to choose if I can only choose

1304
01:29:30.560 --> 01:29:36.320
one as I've been choosing this, then we're not even choosing the thing that makes this

1305
01:29:36.320 --> 01:29:44.480
living this thing possible. We can only live like the fact that God, like the way that God wants us

1306
01:29:44.480 --> 01:29:50.960
to live. He's first that we are that he is who says that he is. So, what I do is whenever I'm

1307
01:29:50.960 --> 01:29:54.800
stressed or whatever, I just remember and I had a moment like this yesterday, actually,

1308
01:29:54.800 --> 01:29:59.840
I'm really, really struggling with something. And I'm struggling.

1309
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.840
actually with another person, it's like, Lord, why am I

1310
01:30:03.840 --> 01:30:05.880
struggling with this other person? I don't feel that

1311
01:30:05.880 --> 01:30:10.200
that's right. I don't feel like that other person has like done

1312
01:30:10.200 --> 01:30:13.520
anything to me. And yet, logically, and yet it feels

1313
01:30:13.520 --> 01:30:17.480
like, why is it? Why do I? Why am I happy about this? And he

1314
01:30:17.480 --> 01:30:20.680
showed me, Ashley, it's because you do not feel that you are

1315
01:30:20.680 --> 01:30:25.760
enough for me. You don't feel that you just being you is

1316
01:30:25.760 --> 01:30:29.480
enough, that I love you without you doing anything without you

1317
01:30:29.480 --> 01:30:32.600
being anything without you having a ministry, having a

1318
01:30:32.600 --> 01:30:38.560
business without you, you think that there are conditions. And

1319
01:30:38.560 --> 01:30:41.160
therefore, because you believe that there are conditions and

1320
01:30:41.160 --> 01:30:43.640
that they're not enough for me, you don't feel that you can

1321
01:30:43.640 --> 01:30:47.680
pursue the dreams that you want. You don't feel that you can

1322
01:30:47.680 --> 01:30:51.600
live, that you can, I don't know, you've got some dreams in

1323
01:30:51.600 --> 01:30:55.360
your heart that you want to see that you want to live out. And

1324
01:30:55.360 --> 01:31:00.320
you don't feel that you can want them, or receive or asking

1325
01:31:00.320 --> 01:31:03.480
for them, or receive them, because you do not feel that

1326
01:31:03.480 --> 01:31:05.800
you're enough in a manner of speaking, you don't feel that

1327
01:31:05.800 --> 01:31:09.360
you deserve them. Is that therefore at the root of it,

1328
01:31:09.360 --> 01:31:14.200
Ashley, you don't believe me. You don't, I've told you

1329
01:31:14.200 --> 01:31:19.320
something, and you don't believe it. I told you that I am good.

1330
01:31:19.600 --> 01:31:21.200
And you're not believing that I am.

1331
01:31:22.200 --> 01:31:25.880
And this projected into another relationship?

1332
01:31:26.280 --> 01:31:26.720
What?

1333
01:31:27.160 --> 01:31:30.680
And this projected into you having trouble with another

1334
01:31:30.680 --> 01:31:31.200
person?

1335
01:31:31.440 --> 01:31:34.280
Yes, because this other person, what they were doing is they

1336
01:31:34.280 --> 01:31:37.160
were some good things were happening in their life. Yeah.

1337
01:31:37.240 --> 01:31:41.960
And I was just like, why do why am I not happy about the good

1338
01:31:41.960 --> 01:31:47.440
things that are happening? Yeah. And it was because, why can I

1339
01:31:47.440 --> 01:31:50.760
be happy in the worst just like because you think I'm holding

1340
01:31:50.920 --> 01:31:56.120
out on you? Yeah. And I'm not letting you pursue. And so as

1341
01:31:56.120 --> 01:32:00.080
soon as I realized, Oh, my word, God's not putting limits on me.

1342
01:32:00.840 --> 01:32:04.480
God, God loves me, and I'm enough for him. And all my work

1343
01:32:04.480 --> 01:32:08.080
is to keep inviting you to live bigger than I'm living, and to

1344
01:32:08.080 --> 01:32:10.960
dream bigger than I'm dreaming. And he's just like, actually,

1345
01:32:10.960 --> 01:32:14.960
let's go. I'm not limiting you. You're not limiting you. You're

1346
01:32:14.960 --> 01:32:18.040
saying that somehow you can't or that I won't let you or

1347
01:32:18.040 --> 01:32:22.720
whatever. You're making that up. He said, so as soon as I

1348
01:32:22.720 --> 01:32:27.040
felt that God was not withholding something from me,

1349
01:32:27.680 --> 01:32:31.440
and not letting me live a particular way. In other words,

1350
01:32:31.440 --> 01:32:35.000
live larger, and I was like, holding me back and whatever. As

1351
01:32:35.000 --> 01:32:38.480
soon as I realized that wasn't the case, I was so excited for

1352
01:32:38.480 --> 01:32:41.800
my friend. I'm like, I can't believe she got to be that's

1353
01:32:41.800 --> 01:32:47.880
wonderful. Because my whole issue wasn't her. My whole issue

1354
01:32:47.880 --> 01:32:51.000
was what it triggered in me as an accusation. I was holding me

1355
01:32:51.000 --> 01:32:55.800
against that he wasn't that I wasn't enough for him. And

1356
01:32:55.800 --> 01:32:59.640
therefore I wasn't letting myself dream, you know, and

1357
01:32:59.640 --> 01:33:02.160
pursue things bigger than whatever I thought he was like,

1358
01:33:02.240 --> 01:33:07.320
stifling me or holding me back or whatever. No, I love you. You

1359
01:33:07.320 --> 01:33:12.400
and I live big together. But do you choose that that's true? Do

1360
01:33:12.400 --> 01:33:17.720
you choose Ashley, that I love you to the extent that I do that

1361
01:33:17.720 --> 01:33:22.040
you're enough for me that there are no conditions on on my love

1362
01:33:22.040 --> 01:33:28.080
for you? How? Hey, if you say it's true, Lord, that I choose

1363
01:33:28.080 --> 01:33:34.200
that it's true. I make it true in my in my mind, in my reality,

1364
01:33:34.520 --> 01:33:38.240
because you said it first. So therefore I allow it to be so

1365
01:33:38.640 --> 01:33:43.440
and I will live like it. I will choose it is true. And if I

1366
01:33:43.440 --> 01:33:47.320
choose that it's true, I will make my decisions based off of

1367
01:33:47.920 --> 01:33:50.760
it. And so soon as that change, and I'm telling you what this

1368
01:33:50.760 --> 01:33:54.120
changed in seconds, my whole thing of like having an issue

1369
01:33:54.120 --> 01:33:57.800
with her and not having an issue with her, literally seconds, all

1370
01:33:57.800 --> 01:34:01.960
that I needed to know was that I was enough for God, that I

1371
01:34:01.960 --> 01:34:05.160
didn't have to do anything, and that I could just be and that he

1372
01:34:05.160 --> 01:34:08.920
just delighted in my existence. You know, regardless of what my

1373
01:34:08.920 --> 01:34:12.400
life looks like, regardless of whether or not I believed in, he

1374
01:34:12.400 --> 01:34:17.560
chose me over my beliefs. He chose me over my faith. It

1375
01:34:17.560 --> 01:34:20.240
meaning like whether or not I'm, I'm believing in whether or not

1376
01:34:20.240 --> 01:34:24.560
I'm having faith in him, because I'm already the new man. My soul

1377
01:34:24.560 --> 01:34:27.800
is the is the one that's having a problem. But my spirits not.

1378
01:34:28.440 --> 01:34:31.480
And it's my spirit that's one with him. So it's all fine. So

1379
01:34:31.480 --> 01:34:35.440
anyway, as soon as I as soon as I mean the word with mine, I was

1380
01:34:35.440 --> 01:34:39.560
so excited for my friend. And I had no problem. And I

1381
01:34:39.560 --> 01:34:42.200
congratulated her and I said, Oh, my goodness, I can't believe

1382
01:34:42.200 --> 01:34:46.760
that you do that. That's wonderful. Because it no longer

1383
01:34:46.760 --> 01:34:52.000
had anything to do with me. Anyway, so I'm always still

1384
01:34:52.000 --> 01:34:54.800
having to learn all of these things, too. So with along with

1385
01:34:54.800 --> 01:34:59.520
everybody else, but anyway, so I would recommend

1386
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:02.360
that seriously, hands down the most powerful thing.

1387
01:35:02.360 --> 01:35:04.240
In fact, that lady that I'm talking about,

1388
01:35:04.240 --> 01:35:08.320
she talks about the fact that the most powerful

1389
01:35:08.320 --> 01:35:12.640
transition moment for her in shifting into rest,

1390
01:35:12.640 --> 01:35:14.680
of course, she learned a lot of things after that,

1391
01:35:14.680 --> 01:35:17.840
but the most powerful thing for her was to break

1392
01:35:17.840 --> 01:35:22.840
the belief in her mind, in her inner being,

1393
01:35:23.440 --> 01:35:25.960
that God didn't love her.

1394
01:35:26.920 --> 01:35:28.480
And as soon as that broke,

1395
01:35:29.720 --> 01:35:31.400
a whole new world opened up for her,

1396
01:35:31.400 --> 01:35:32.560
and then she could start,

1397
01:35:32.560 --> 01:35:34.080
and then she could like shift into rest,

1398
01:35:34.080 --> 01:35:35.200
she could release things, whatever.

1399
01:35:35.200 --> 01:35:39.360
So her biggest experience that she had,

1400
01:35:39.360 --> 01:35:41.280
in fact, a lot of people,

1401
01:35:41.280 --> 01:35:45.960
their big thing is the exercise,

1402
01:35:45.960 --> 01:35:49.400
the love exercise that you and I were talking about.

1403
01:35:49.400 --> 01:35:51.440
That for them is huge,

1404
01:35:51.440 --> 01:35:55.120
because if they finally allow themselves

1405
01:35:55.120 --> 01:35:58.440
to be vulnerable enough to be loved by the Lord,

1406
01:35:59.480 --> 01:36:04.480
they allow God to just present himself as he is,

1407
01:36:05.280 --> 01:36:07.720
and love them unconditionally,

1408
01:36:07.720 --> 01:36:10.160
accept them unconditionally,

1409
01:36:10.160 --> 01:36:12.680
where he sees everything,

1410
01:36:12.680 --> 01:36:16.040
and he's like, yeah, we're not even talking about it,

1411
01:36:16.040 --> 01:36:18.880
because I choose you at a deeper level.

1412
01:36:18.880 --> 01:36:20.720
I choose you for who you are,

1413
01:36:20.720 --> 01:36:23.480
not for what you've grown up to become,

1414
01:36:23.480 --> 01:36:25.400
not for what you've developed,

1415
01:36:25.400 --> 01:36:27.480
not for what you believe about me,

1416
01:36:27.480 --> 01:36:30.200
just you as you are,

1417
01:36:31.120 --> 01:36:33.400
that is who I choose.

1418
01:36:33.400 --> 01:36:35.640
And that changes everything,

1419
01:36:35.640 --> 01:36:38.040
because you already are the man.

1420
01:36:38.040 --> 01:36:41.240
So the problem is we're living in resistance

1421
01:36:41.240 --> 01:36:43.040
believing that we're not.

1422
01:36:43.040 --> 01:36:44.280
That's the problem.

1423
01:36:45.640 --> 01:36:48.040
That's creating all of the difficulty,

1424
01:36:48.040 --> 01:36:51.440
all the anxiety, all of the struggle,

1425
01:36:51.440 --> 01:36:53.920
is the fact that we don't believe

1426
01:36:53.920 --> 01:36:57.040
that we are no longer a sinner.

1427
01:36:57.040 --> 01:36:58.520
We think we still are,

1428
01:36:58.520 --> 01:37:00.080
and that we're fighting ourselves,

1429
01:37:00.080 --> 01:37:01.280
and we're not.

1430
01:37:01.280 --> 01:37:02.680
We're the new man.

1431
01:37:02.680 --> 01:37:07.680
Sure, our soul and our body still are afraid,

1432
01:37:07.760 --> 01:37:09.160
but our spirit isn't.

1433
01:37:09.160 --> 01:37:11.280
And so we're teaching our soul and our body

1434
01:37:11.280 --> 01:37:13.320
how to not be afraid anymore.

1435
01:37:13.320 --> 01:37:15.400
But we've already accomplished it in the spirit.

1436
01:37:15.400 --> 01:37:17.360
Who it is that we are is already there.

1437
01:37:18.480 --> 01:37:20.040
So is this,

1438
01:37:20.080 --> 01:37:22.320
I wanna make sure before I leave you

1439
01:37:22.320 --> 01:37:26.120
that you know how to actually take this

1440
01:37:26.120 --> 01:37:27.840
and what to actually,

1441
01:37:27.840 --> 01:37:30.000
like some things to begin to step into

1442
01:37:30.000 --> 01:37:31.320
as opposed to,

1443
01:37:31.320 --> 01:37:33.160
oh, sure, all of that sounds good.

1444
01:37:33.160 --> 01:37:34.200
Wouldn't that be nice?

1445
01:37:34.200 --> 01:37:35.920
No, it resonates.

1446
01:37:35.920 --> 01:37:36.760
Okay.

1447
01:37:36.760 --> 01:37:37.600
Okay.

1448
01:37:37.600 --> 01:37:38.440
It really resonates.

1449
01:37:38.440 --> 01:37:39.280
Yeah.

1450
01:37:39.280 --> 01:37:40.120
It's really good.

1451
01:37:40.120 --> 01:37:43.200
Because even me telling you all of these things

1452
01:37:43.200 --> 01:37:46.360
is just to trigger your conversations with the Lord,

1453
01:37:46.360 --> 01:37:48.560
but this can't convince you.

1454
01:37:48.600 --> 01:37:50.440
You listening to me and all of the teachings

1455
01:37:50.440 --> 01:37:52.520
is the same thing as scripture.

1456
01:37:52.520 --> 01:37:54.440
It cannot convince us.

1457
01:37:54.440 --> 01:37:55.280
No.

1458
01:37:55.280 --> 01:37:56.440
The only thing that will work

1459
01:37:56.440 --> 01:37:59.400
is if we expose our spirits to the Lord

1460
01:37:59.400 --> 01:38:02.480
and say, God, you reveal yourself to me,

1461
01:38:02.480 --> 01:38:05.520
and I am gonna present myself vulnerably to you

1462
01:38:05.520 --> 01:38:08.560
where I allow everything that I've believed about you

1463
01:38:08.560 --> 01:38:12.960
to be completely challenged and wiped away.

1464
01:38:12.960 --> 01:38:15.480
If that, you know, when I come,

1465
01:38:15.480 --> 01:38:16.720
and I'm not saying that it will,

1466
01:38:16.720 --> 01:38:17.920
I'm saying that, Lord,

1467
01:38:17.920 --> 01:38:22.240
I'm willing to give up my beliefs about you.

1468
01:38:22.240 --> 01:38:23.720
All these things I held so dear

1469
01:38:23.720 --> 01:38:24.560
that I thought, well,

1470
01:38:24.560 --> 01:38:27.160
I was keeping me in good stead with you.

1471
01:38:27.160 --> 01:38:29.840
I'm willing to abandon all of them

1472
01:38:29.840 --> 01:38:31.720
just to expose myself to you

1473
01:38:32.920 --> 01:38:35.320
because God is what transforms us,

1474
01:38:35.320 --> 01:38:36.640
not our belief about it.

1475
01:38:37.720 --> 01:38:42.160
It's God and his being that,

1476
01:38:42.160 --> 01:38:45.840
and his spirit that gives us life,

1477
01:38:45.840 --> 01:38:48.240
that changes us are,

1478
01:38:48.240 --> 01:38:52.720
and so, I mean, I'm not devaluing our beliefs.

1479
01:38:52.720 --> 01:38:54.080
Our beliefs are very important.

1480
01:38:54.080 --> 01:38:54.920
No, no, no.

1481
01:38:55.880 --> 01:38:59.920
God wants him to be more important to us

1482
01:38:59.920 --> 01:39:01.560
than what we believe about him.

1483
01:39:01.560 --> 01:39:06.560
He doesn't want us to get our identity from our beliefs

1484
01:39:06.920 --> 01:39:10.280
or our security of our relationship with God

1485
01:39:10.280 --> 01:39:11.480
from our beliefs.

1486
01:39:11.480 --> 01:39:13.240
He wants us to get our security

1487
01:39:13.240 --> 01:39:16.040
of our relationship with God from him.

1488
01:39:17.920 --> 01:39:20.640
So sometimes we're using our beliefs

1489
01:39:20.640 --> 01:39:23.600
and as a protection between us and God,

1490
01:39:23.600 --> 01:39:27.680
and so sometimes we have to not choose our beliefs

1491
01:39:27.680 --> 01:39:30.840
and what it is that we've believed about God thus far,

1492
01:39:30.840 --> 01:39:33.480
and just like God, I just present myself to you.

1493
01:39:33.480 --> 01:39:35.120
You show me who you are.

1494
01:39:35.120 --> 01:39:37.040
Forget about what I believe that you are.

1495
01:39:37.040 --> 01:39:38.680
I'm just presenting myself to you.

1496
01:39:38.680 --> 01:39:41.120
Now you show me, Lord, who you are.

1497
01:39:42.120 --> 01:39:44.040
That's terrifying.

1498
01:39:44.040 --> 01:39:45.960
That'll change everything

1499
01:39:45.960 --> 01:39:49.560
because nothing can convince you of God's love

1500
01:39:49.560 --> 01:39:51.960
than actually exposing yourself,

1501
01:39:51.960 --> 01:39:56.960
allowing yourself to be exposed to him and to his love.

1502
01:39:57.480 --> 01:39:59.080
So that'll change everything

1503
01:39:59.080 --> 01:40:00.280
because it's not a game.

1504
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:03.160
And it's not our knowledge of this love that will change anything.

1505
01:40:03.640 --> 01:40:08.560
It's actually our spirit being touched by God's spirit.

1506
01:40:09.960 --> 01:40:12.360
And sometimes we have to get our beliefs out of the way.

1507
01:40:12.360 --> 01:40:17.200
In other words, our head out of the way in order to finally, um, have

1508
01:40:17.200 --> 01:40:19.320
that spirit to spirit connection.

1509
01:40:19.840 --> 01:40:25.160
And then our beliefs will come from what, from the being that we've encountered.

1510
01:40:26.000 --> 01:40:26.320
Hmm.

1511
01:40:26.840 --> 01:40:29.920
And then scripture will open up to us and it'll make more sense because

1512
01:40:29.920 --> 01:40:31.960
we know the being who wrote it.

1513
01:40:32.880 --> 01:40:33.280
Hmm.

1514
01:40:34.720 --> 01:40:35.520
So good.

1515
01:40:36.760 --> 01:40:37.800
Thank you so much.

1516
01:40:37.840 --> 01:40:38.320
Yeah.

1517
01:40:38.520 --> 01:40:39.040
Yeah.

1518
01:40:40.160 --> 01:40:43.960
It is scary and yeah, but very, very good.

1519
01:40:44.280 --> 01:40:44.840
Yeah.

1520
01:40:45.240 --> 01:40:49.760
So you have some, so you know what, uh, you have some, um, like some

1521
01:40:49.760 --> 01:40:52.960
steps to take or whatever, so you know, some things that you kind of like

1522
01:40:53.160 --> 01:40:56.400
basically kind of grab ahold of take between you and the Lord.

1523
01:40:56.440 --> 01:40:56.760
Okay.

1524
01:40:57.000 --> 01:40:57.280
All right.

1525
01:40:57.280 --> 01:40:58.240
Yes, I do.

1526
01:40:58.280 --> 01:40:58.720
Yeah.

1527
01:40:58.800 --> 01:41:04.840
You have any questions you feel free to reach out, um, and I might be posting

1528
01:41:04.840 --> 01:41:10.200
a few, um, extra little videos for you, um, on your, on the, on the

1529
01:41:10.200 --> 01:41:12.080
page that you might find helpful.

1530
01:41:12.080 --> 01:41:12.400
So.

1531
01:41:12.800 --> 01:41:13.760
Oh, that's great.

1532
01:41:14.400 --> 01:41:14.760
Okay.

1533
01:41:15.000 --> 01:41:15.640
So much.

1534
01:41:15.640 --> 01:41:16.520
This is so good.

1535
01:41:16.720 --> 01:41:18.280
I'm just going to take this in now.

1536
01:41:18.840 --> 01:41:19.320
Okay.

1537
01:41:19.360 --> 01:41:19.800
All right.

1538
01:41:20.080 --> 01:41:20.520
Good.

1539
01:41:20.560 --> 01:41:21.040
All right.

1540
01:41:21.640 --> 01:41:25.000
A little, you save a little, I can't really, really tell.

1541
01:41:25.000 --> 01:41:28.480
I can't, I can't tell if you're just kind of like overwhelmed.

1542
01:41:31.720 --> 01:41:33.200
I have a lot of emotions.

1543
01:41:33.240 --> 01:41:34.240
I think I am.

1544
01:41:34.560 --> 01:41:36.200
I feel like it's really good.

1545
01:41:36.200 --> 01:41:37.520
I'm a little bit overwhelmed.

1546
01:41:37.920 --> 01:41:44.560
I'm thinking about, Oh, I'm using old wine skins, but, and I'm like, yeah, but I

1547
01:41:44.560 --> 01:41:46.320
know, I know what I need to do.

1548
01:41:46.320 --> 01:41:52.920
I need to just take it with God and kind of like surrender my beliefs about him.

1549
01:41:53.080 --> 01:41:55.680
It is my theology that's gotten in the way of this.

1550
01:41:56.160 --> 01:41:59.200
And I can just say it like when you were talking, you're just kind of

1551
01:41:59.200 --> 01:42:01.800
painting a picture for me about it.

1552
01:42:01.800 --> 01:42:06.440
And also that now, even though I heard this teaching this summer, I've been

1553
01:42:06.440 --> 01:42:11.040
walking through it now for weeks and I'm still trying to use old wine skins.

1554
01:42:11.520 --> 01:42:15.520
And then I'm just like, and I actually don't believe that he's loved that he

1555
01:42:15.520 --> 01:42:21.000
loves me, and I actually don't fully believe that he's good to me, you know?

1556
01:42:21.520 --> 01:42:25.600
And I also think that I know about the Bible.

1557
01:42:25.840 --> 01:42:27.800
I'm actually using something good.

1558
01:42:28.320 --> 01:42:30.960
The knowledge of the Bible, which is a good thing, but it's

1559
01:42:30.960 --> 01:42:33.040
coming between me and God.

1560
01:42:33.560 --> 01:42:34.080
Exactly.

1561
01:42:35.800 --> 01:42:43.400
So often we use scripture itself, you know, God's word as accusation against the Lord.

1562
01:42:43.440 --> 01:42:49.440
And I was thinking, is it in the first session you make this, you talk about it

1563
01:42:49.440 --> 01:42:51.400
in the first or second session, I think.

1564
01:42:51.760 --> 01:42:54.280
Yeah, I did that we can use scripture.

1565
01:42:56.280 --> 01:42:56.920
I can't remember.

1566
01:42:56.920 --> 01:42:58.040
I'll, I'll check it out.

1567
01:42:58.320 --> 01:42:58.680
Yeah.

1568
01:42:58.720 --> 01:43:03.000
I don't remember that you're having this exercise where you, yeah.

1569
01:43:03.440 --> 01:43:03.800
Yeah.

1570
01:43:03.800 --> 01:43:08.120
I mentioned somewhere in there about the extent to which we have to have faith

1571
01:43:08.480 --> 01:43:15.440
and God even requires of us sometimes to abandon, um, the, to, well, not, not

1572
01:43:15.440 --> 01:43:20.040
abandoned, but if there's something that we can't find in scripture that we feel

1573
01:43:20.040 --> 01:43:24.120
that he's telling us that we can't actually find it, I'm not talking about

1574
01:43:24.120 --> 01:43:29.160
like it's contradictory to scripture, find it, then sometimes we're just like,

1575
01:43:29.160 --> 01:43:30.680
yeah, but God, I can't see it.

1576
01:43:30.920 --> 01:43:36.000
And we'll, we're that's taking God's word and using it in accusation against him.

1577
01:43:36.040 --> 01:43:37.720
It's very, it's the same thing.

1578
01:43:37.720 --> 01:43:41.120
In fact, it's worse than what Adam did with, uh, with the Lord.

1579
01:43:41.120 --> 01:43:44.320
When he said, Lord, it's the woman gave me woman.

1580
01:43:44.320 --> 01:43:48.520
You gave me that it, that is actually accusation against the Lord.

1581
01:43:48.520 --> 01:43:50.160
God gives a good thing.

1582
01:43:50.440 --> 01:43:56.800
And we use that against the Lord saying, God, the thing that you gave me as a good

1583
01:43:56.800 --> 01:44:03.800
gift to love on me is the thing that caused me to separate from you.

1584
01:44:04.240 --> 01:44:05.840
That is a horrible accusation.

1585
01:44:06.200 --> 01:44:07.280
So, yeah.

1586
01:44:08.360 --> 01:44:08.720
Yeah.

1587
01:44:08.720 --> 01:44:09.840
So I know what to do.

1588
01:44:10.400 --> 01:44:10.600
Okay.

1589
01:44:10.600 --> 01:44:13.360
I just wanted to make sure that you're okay before I left.

1590
01:44:14.240 --> 01:44:14.680
Yeah.

1591
01:44:15.080 --> 01:44:19.400
And I'll let, let you know if I have questions and if not, I'll talk to you next week.

1592
01:44:19.600 --> 01:44:20.200
Okay.

1593
01:44:20.320 --> 01:44:20.760
All right.

1594
01:44:20.760 --> 01:44:21.800
Sounds good.

1595
01:44:22.640 --> 01:44:24.000
Well, I'll talk to you later, Renee.

1596
01:44:24.080 --> 01:44:24.840
You take care.

1597
01:44:25.480 --> 01:44:25.800
Okay.

1598
01:44:25.800 --> 01:44:26.400
Bye.

1599
01:44:26.520 --> 01:44:27.120
Bye.