Hey, hi. How are you? Good to see you. I'm doing a pretty good,
I think. Well, I know that I haven't answered your message
yet. I felt that it was rather it was rather too. Yeah,
important for for for me to like, write back and I thought
well, I needed to kind of like talk through it or whatever.
Yes. And I think I just needed to get it out. And then I
thought we'll talk about it on Tuesday. Yeah. Oh, good. Well,
I'm glad that you did. It's been really, really hard. I'm
sorry. So can you tell me about it? I mean, I know you told me
about it in the in the thing. Yeah. What would you say now?
You know, I wanted to come to the it's been a process where
God has like it started a year and a half ago when God told me
I will teach you to live by the Spirit. And then I was like, Oh,
what does that mean? I didn't think I didn't know that I
wasn't living by the Spirit. And then and then I just
realized more and more and more how much of a victim mentality
and bitterness and control that is there. And then God's first
of all started to rid me of all control through this specific
in specific situations in my life there where he didn't
allow me to take control. And I didn't understand why. I just
had to trust him and everyone else around me told you, you
need to control this, you need to say something, you need to do
something. But every time I went to the Lord, he just said more
like your grace is sufficient for my grace is sufficient for
you, you just do nothing. So I was left in a very horrible
state. But in that God taught me to like go of control. And then
like so much of my heart, and I didn't know that I was even I
didn't even know that I was controlling things so hard. And
then with the tinnitus coming, things became more stressful.
And they taught me that stress is one of the reasons for
tinnitus. And also it triggers it a lot. And then I thought
I've been living in stress for 20 years. So and then this
summer, like I shared earlier, your teaching was the only thing
that brought peace to me. And I hadn't some of this I hadn't
heard before. It's like totally new to me. And it just touched
my spirit. And I knew that this is what I want, but I don't know
what it is yet. But my spirit just wants there. And but
through, like 20 years with a lot of stress, and a lot of
control and bitterness, and not like, because no one would say
that I'm a bitter person, because I've chosen actively to
not be bitter. Yeah, I've chosen actively to not be a victim. And
I've like, I, I've encouraged my friends in this, I've like been
very, very vocal about not living in resentment. So then
that's why but it was like underneath, like very deeply
layered. And also with this, I always just end up in pain, and
God uses me almost to the extent that you feel a little bit
almost abused. Yeah, like, oh, you like, he taught you to walk
in faith. And then, but you are the one that bear the
consequences for it. And it kind of reminds me a little bit of
what you said about before you even a few years ago felt that
you were saved. God had already done a lot of things through you
and in you, but you were not doing it from a place of rest.
Correct. And I just thought of that so many times lately. And
there's like, I actually think that's what happened to me, too,
because I have tried to kind of understand, because I've been
walking so much in faith, and God has been doing so much in my
heart and so much healing, and so many things through me, that
when I heard your teaching, it was hard for me to understand
that to what I couldn't place what is God and not and how does
it make sense that my life has been so much so, so good and so
many fruitful things. And at the same time, I see like, oh my
gosh, I'm such a wreck. So I haven't been it's been hard to
reconcile those things. But when you've said
that um it is actually you actually did learn about rest and had started walking and things
but just from a different place yeah i think that makes that kind of start to bring everything
together in my mind that actually all these amazing things were happening and it was me
walking in faith and it was god healing my heart and it was all these things but i was just
um not walking with it by not understanding the tree of the knowledge of good and evil versus
the tree of life like i was i was doing it from a place of maybe knowledge but yeah so i still
think i'm trying to reconcile this thing because it's it's not just oh this oh i have this it's
my whole life that i'm trying to put in perspective so uh uh this week my life was
i was i've been so frozen and uh so much in distress that you can't even fight or flight
because you're just frozen so you don't even yeah you don't know how to but i think it's
hitting the reason why i'm telling all this it's like it's hitting what i've been living in for 20
maybe even longer years uh is the
uh it's like this pattern of stress that makes me end up where i am now or have been this week
with so much like you're totally frozen you can't act like your emotions are being hit so hard you
don't even know how to how to navigate this and it leads me back to all these 20 years
where deep under the layers of knowing what's right and acting on it there is some kind of
resentment and bitterness and victim mentality that's why i think i'm trying to explain like
the whole context of these last years so and which i'm actually glad that it came up during
the rest intensive and when i'm having you as a coach because it's actually life like you say you
do rest intensive for six weeks because then life has a change yeah life has come up so it really
hit me and if it hadn't i wouldn't have understood because so far i feel like it's been going well
and i'm taking such big steps and then a little bit back and forth but now i was hit in such a
place where i'm like this is actually why i want to live in rest and i want to do anything to get
out of this and you're just it's not just like oh these are like issues that i need to work on on
it's it's it's deeper it's really really
deep traumas and wounds that are coming up where you're so hurt that you just freeze
so i'm actually really thankful that it came up during the rest lifestyle or rest intensive
uh because it makes me just really desperate for jesus and for rest and to walk in his peace
and to live by the spirit like he promised me a year and a half ago he would teach me and now
i really have to um i really desperately need this it's not like i'm just trying to
make this work and i can see this can helpful it's like no i'm desperate like i desperately
need you and i desperately like i feel i desperately need peace yeah i desperately want
this and um i want out of this and it's so painful that i lived in it for 20 years
but i don't have to continue but it's in the same way it's a little bit of a road block so
um so the last couple of days um after i wrote that text to you which it was good just to write
you and just like here because i'm a verbal processor so you're kind of like okay this was
done i'll tell ashley and then i'll process along with it and i knew we were going to talk and so
then it has i felt like to some degree it has hit me the last couple of days after that that
i can have rest in this intense situation and that there are still bitterness and resentment
and victim mentality so i've spent time with jesus just emptying my heart of it
and allowing the spirit into these wounds and just like what is
these wounds? Why am I feeling like a victim? Why? Why do I
feel like you're using me? Why do I feel? Why do I feel like,
oh, you're just like a victim, and it just comes over you and
you have no choice. And, and just, I felt like the spirit at
some point actually rose up in me. And I really, I was feeling
that I actually don't have to live like this, I can get out of
this. And I, I have the right, because of Jesus was blood on
the cross to live in rest. And if I was fully healed, and if I
totally believed what Jesus says about me and about himself, how
would I act towards this man in church, which has escalated into
a lot of people in the church being involved, including the
pastor and the pastor's wife, and other people have reacted
against this guy and everything. So it just like, and I started
the whole thing, or he? Yeah. So and then I thought, if I'm
totally loved and secure, and if I'm not threatened, how would I
see him? How would I react in this? And how would I react
towards my students if I'm not threatened? And if I'm
completely secure in God's love, and then I started to act
out of that, then I'm going to trust this man, I'm going to
give him the benefit of the doubt. If he says it's a
misunderstanding, but I don't really believe it, then I'm
going to trust what he says is true. Because that's what he
says. And I'm not gonna, he said, he said it was a big
misunderstanding. Okay. While me and the pastor and the rest of
the church feels like he's judging us. But then he just
said, yeah. So so then, but then I thought, I'm gonna affirm if I
totally am loved, and I'm not, and I'm fully protected, I'm
gonna trust him, I'm gonna trust the students. I'm gonna also
put myself first, like you said, in the relationship with the
students. And what do I need? Well, I need there to be a
certain kind of the things like, I cannot, I will not tolerate
this respectfulness or them going out of control. And
because that's not good for me that that's not a healthy
environment. So but I will affirm them, I will tell them
that I believe in them, I will encourage them, and I will see
them as they God sees them not the way they think about
themselves. And so it just started a process of how will I
act if I'm secure in love, which I'm still starting on and like,
I haven't fully carried it out. But I started to address my
students on Monday yesterday like this. And I started to
think about this man and his wife in the church like this.
And like, when I meet him, how to act. Yeah, that's amazing.
That is amazing.
I wanted to mention something while I'm thinking about it.
Yes, about this, about this man. Now, I don't know, you know,
everything that's going on or anything like that. But meaning
like, other than what you've just said, but I wanted to just
encourage you that, you know, because you're saying, well, you
know, it's created this big issue. And, and at first, you
misspoke, and you said, you know, based off of something I
caused, you're like, well, I didn't really cause it, you
know, he caused it, but it was based, it was triggered by da da
da. And what can be really hard is in what is when we are
basically kind of like a catalyst in a situation where we
are carrying the kingdom of God, and we're carrying truth, and
we're carrying light, we're carrying his spirit. And
whenever we bring that into a situation, a situation that if
in that situation, there are things that are not in
alignment with that, those things tend to raise their ugly
head, and they tend to act out. So the unalignment, the
disalignment comes to the surface and becomes evident. So
sometimes we can think that, oh, my word, and I know you're not
saying this, but I'm just like making something up. Oh, my
word, I cause problems wherever I go. And I'm not trying. Why
do why do these things happen?
Yeah, well, it can be just because you're carrying the spirit at the kingdom of God,
the spirit of the Lord. And then when, when things that are not in alignment with that
spirit come into contact with that spirit, then they act out. And so the, it's the,
the people in the situations are being given an option of one of two things. For one thing,
whenever something comes into the, into the presence of the spirit of God,
then it's forced to make a choice. It's forced to choose to come into alignment or to leave.
And so it can, and, um, well, I say that there's kind of like a third option of that,
you know, it it's forced to make a choice in response to encountering the spirit of God.
And it can, and sometimes it will come into alignment eventually, but as it does that,
it depends on how child on the situate on the choices that they've made this far,
but sometimes it can actually get uglier before it gets better. And so all of the
unalignment comes to the surface and has to be dealt with. Um, you know, think about,
I think about the different aspects of, of you when you are triggered into unrest,
you know, your, your unrest is triggered in whatever that is like a microcosm of the same
principle is like your spirit is in the same presence as your soul and your body. And your
spirit is one with Christ and your soul and your body when it comes, when, when, um, uh,
it's warring against the flesh and there's just kind of, and you're the ways in which you're not
in alignment become heightened, right? But you're being given a choice is your soul and your body
going to come into alignment or is it not? But while it's trying to come into alignment,
you, I mean, if, if you're making, if you end up making that choice, it's messy,
it doesn't feel good. You feel an unrest, you know, you're, you're struggling, you know,
Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane, he sweated blood because he was so stressed. So it can
happen with people and with just creation as well is they is even though they're slowly coming into
alignment, it can be a messy business of fighting and not feeling safe and not, and being afraid
and did that. And so they're just kind of fighting and they're, it's working in there
over a matter of time, they're, they're taking this journey of making this choice to come into
alignment. And it's very rocky and trying to get there. And it takes a lot of like, for instance,
your pastor or whatever, to father someone through that difficult, uh, messy bit, you know, kind of
like what you are doing with your students. The other thing that can, the other choice that people
can make is or creation or whatever is to not come into alignment. And when that happens,
I've noticed that one of two things happen, either God removes them. Um, and he just, uh,
because it's refusing to come into alignment, it's refusing to come into order and, um, an agreement.
And so he'll eventually move them out or he'll remove them, you know, from you.
The other thing that can happen is if it absolutely, if, if they absolutely refused
to come into alignment, and this is usually something where the majority of what's going
on is not in alignment, not just like one person, but like the majority of what's going on or a
system that you're in is refusing to come into alignment. Usually it's something that's taking
over the majority, the majority of the authority in this situation. Um, if that finally just
absolutely refuses to come into alignment, God will remove you. So anyway, just FYI,
that sometimes these things that happen are, are we, we can feel like, wait a minute,
I've caused something, you know, I didn't mean to, but I did. Well, that's called a catalyst
where something always existed. Something was always wrong. Something was always out of
alignment. Something was always not in order, but then you came in and then everything just
kind of exploded. Your presence is the presence of the spirit of God that caused everything to,
to actually react. But everything that was, everything that reacted was already there.
Nothing new was introduced. It was already there, but it didn't have.
a catalyst to prompt the reaction. You know, it's the same way, you know, in, in chemistry,
how you can have two chemicals, and they'll be in the same beaker, you know, the same bottle
or whatever, and they're not reacting. But then you put some catalyst in there. I don't know,
like say a bar of gold or a bar of something. And just the presence of that other metal
causes the other two things to not react with the metal, but simply to finally react,
sometimes very violently with each other, but not with the metal, not with the bar,
not with the catalyst. But, but the, but the thing between the, but the reaction between
the two solutions, the, between those two, like liquids or whatever, those two elements,
that those two elements were always there, but they didn't react violently to each other.
They didn't, you know, respond to each other until the catalyst was present. And they didn't
respond to the catalyst. They didn't exchange ions or molecules or anything with the catalyst.
It was just simply because the catalyst was there. It prompted a trick. It prompted triggered
a reaction between the two solutions. So it's like that. So point is you probably have, you
know, you may have absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with what's happened. It's the fact that
you brought in the spirit of the Lord and then something that was not in alignment,
you know, was heightened and came to the surface. And it's now being given an opportunity, you know,
in him, it's now being given an opportunity to to, to change and to make a different choice
than what has been made this far. So anyway, this is just something that I was thinking about,
but as encouragement that even though things can happen because of us, like a catalyst doesn't
mean that it's our fault. It doesn't mean that we have created a problem. The problem was already
there. It just wasn't coming to a head, meaning that it couldn't ever be dealt with and they
couldn't ever be free. Yeah. You know? And so now they're being given a choice opportunity.
That's very good way of describing it. I, I have been called a catalyst many times in my life
before I even knew what it was. And I think this is one of the reasons why I end up blaming God
is that these things tend to happen around me and everyone was fine. And then I say something
and then things just go south and people react and all kinds of emotional things, manifest
spiritual things. And then some often then God uses me or the situation to bring up things and
to bring clarity or freedom. But then I'm left in shambles and I'm kind of feeling like I'm being
used by God in that way of misuse. And I think that's what it triggered in me. Oh, I'm just being
used again because everyone were fine in the church until I started to share from the pulpit
how to do relationship, the kingdom way to live openly and brokenly and broken before people and
let God come into the relationship and heal. And that's when all hell broke loose. And then I see
that that's really helpful. What you're saying that things were actually there before. And he,
this man was in the state that he wasn't before, but this just brought things up in him alive.
And then it just seems like it's my fault. To me, it feels like it's my fault.
Yeah. But it was what you're saying is that it kind of was there already.
Yeah. Oh yeah. That's very evident. Yeah. Why do I feel like I'm being used?
Why do you feel that you're being like, or what can I, why does this come up? Is that the
mentality? Because actually it's great that God uses this and he used me as a catalyst. It's
actually, wow, that's awesome. Why am I not super excited about it? Isn't because I end up in stress
afterwards because I haven't fully learned to walk in rest.
Because we feel that we're in this, when we're in this situation, we're not being protected by the
Lord. We're being put in very dangerous situations, very vulnerable situations. And he's not, he's not
being who he says that he is. That's what we're thinking. He's not providing for you. He's not
protecting you. And so that's why we can begin to resent him is God, you're abusing me as opposed.
to what's really happening. And this is what God, this is actually how God taught me about
the whole like catalyst thing is I had gone through a, through a lawsuit with them. I
was working for a company and I had these, these bosses and they were, they were sued.
And then I was added by this, by the people who were suing them, I was added to the, to
the lawsuit. And obviously none of us did it, did any of the things that they said that
we did. In fact, once they realized that we weren't, that we hadn't done that and that
we had proof that we hadn't done that, then they, they settled out of court, even without
money being exchanged and everything after a year and a half of them, like doggedly going
after us. And, and a, and my boss and his wife called me and they said, okay, Ashley, here's
what the deal is. They finally decided to set a lot of court because they realized,
you know, we have all of the evidence and, and, you know, to prove that we haven't done
all this stuff, whatever. And cause it was about to go to jury trial and it had had just
gone so far. And, and he said, but they've decided to set a lot of court and he said,
you know, Ashley, it just feels so anticlimactic out of every, you know, after everything it
is that they did to us, everything that they put us through, how they lied about us, how
they, how they how they they got in between us and other jobs. And that they would always
try to sabotage all of our other client, all of our relationship with other clients. And
they did sometimes it actually worked sometimes, you know, it's like, Ashley, it's just very
unfair, you know, the money that we've had to pour into lawyers, the way that we've been
treated by the lawyers, you know, and, and everything. And he's like, I don't, I don't
understand because this whole thing of like settling out of court without money being
exchanged and simply the only requirement that was made of us was that we not ever tell
anyone who they were. That was the only thing that was that they required in the, in the
settlement was that we could not publicly tell anyone who has sued us, which is silly
because it's public record, but there you go. So we're like, whatever. So he's like,
actually, the plus very anticlimactic out of everything they put us through. Why don't
we get it more? He didn't word it like this, but why don't we get more of a reward, you
know, or why aren't they punished or, you know, whatever, even by the Lord, you know,
what's going on. And so we hung up and I prayed and I asked God about it. And I said,
you know, Lord, I'm fine with this for whatever reason, but you know, my boss is upset that
in just disappointed. And so Lord, what's going on. And he said, Ashley, it was never
about y'all meaning y'all is the Texas term. I mean, I know. Okay, good, good, good.
Yeah. It's a good word. Everybody thinks English should know that word. But he's like,
he said it, he said, it wasn't about y'all. He said, it was always about that other company
and those other people. He said, there were things that needed to be dealt with, but he
said, but he said, I could put you through this situation and you there as a catalyst
to trigger and prompt something that was already in existence that needed to be brought to a head
because he said, y'all could anchor yourselves in me and not be affected. You could go through
this situation and hold on to me and, and allow yourselves to be used, not used as in like abused
or used by God, like this tool is if like, we don't matter, not like that, but used as in like
the good way that you're referring to as well. And so you can be used without being like abused
or any, um, and without being, um, what's the word not affect, well, kind of without being affected
without being corrupted, you know? Yeah. So anyway, that's what, um, that's what he said.
And, and so the, the only way we're able to do that though, is if we trust our father and choose
to believe that he's good, we have to choose to believe that he's good and that he's good to us.
So, so that's one of the things that I would recommend to you is that you remember is that
you choose and remember that you are, that God is good and he's good to you. He's good to you
right now. It's not later.
It's not, maybe it's not somebody else or some other time that he is good to you right now.
And always, and it's in the, not believing that he's good, not believing he has who he says that he is.
Not believing that he, that his love, not believing that he's protecting you, not believing that he's providing for you.
That is what is going to prompt the, um, the feeling that, that he's, uh, that you're being abused and used disrespectfully that you're not safe because that's really where that whole being used feels like, uh, comes from is the feeling that
we're just not safe with the Lord that we're alone, that he needs something to get done and someone needs to be the whipping boy.
Someone needs to be the scapegoat.
I don't know if you're familiar with a whipping boy.
Okay.
So with a whipping boy, with a scapegoat or whatever, and, um, and that were the ones that he chose instead of understanding that.
That we could, that the reason that we're there is because he could trust us to continue to be in that situation without being corrupted and without, but without being corrupted by that spirit, that's coming against the spirit of God.
And without, um, uh, what's the word, um, without, while still believing God that he is who he says that he is, we're entrusted with that.
It takes a very, um, it takes a very, it's going to say a strong person, but a person that is strong in the Lord and in their relationship with him that can be trusted by the Lord to be in that situation and not be, and not change.
The way that they view the Lord, have a relationship with him, et cetera.
Um, the way that they see him, um, now it doesn't mean when I say that, that God trusts you, it doesn't mean that you always, um, uh, uh, that we always handle those situations perfectly.
And we know what we're doing.
It just means that he is giving you bit, um, like, in other words, it's not like, Oh, well, Hey, we're not, we're not going to, uh, how do I phrase it?
I'll just phrase it in the old way.
It's not like we're going to not mess up or that we're not going to struggle.
Or that we're not going to struggle, you know, having faith in the Lord and we're
not going to struggle, you know, trusting him and whatever it just means that.
But so there's still a process that, that we get to benefit from in our
relationship with him, there's still a process that this will take us through
that will strengthen that with, that will strengthen, um, our belief in him
will strengthen, um, our choice that he, and, and solidify even more our choice
that he is, who he says that he is regardless of the situation.
So God, God allows us the opportunity is during those situations as well to learn.
So it's not like we learn everything before we go through this situation
and God, like, see, see, I can trust you.
You know, you've already done it now go do it.
It doesn't so, but, um, I just mean, generally speaking, God's like, Hey,
look, I trust you in this, you know, I trust my relationship at my reputation
in your hands, I'm inviting you to carry me, I mean, care, meaning carry the
spirit of God to carry me into those situations to bring me into those
situations so that things can happen.
That's part of how we co-create with the Lord.
That's partly how we're having dominion in creation and freeing it is by bringing
God himself into creation, into these various situations, interacting with
these particular people that forced them.
Now that they're in the presence of the spirit of God forces
them to now make a choice.
And it, and the, and the reason that that's good and not bad is because
they're being given a choice to come out of slavery and into more freedom.
Because the, the slavery that they're in is being highlighted by the fact that
the presence of God is now there and it's being compared to it and every.
thing that's not in alignment with it is becoming evident. And
now that it's become evident, they can choose what are they
going to do with it? Are they going to let it go? Or are they
going to hold on to it? Hmm. But yeah, so that's why we feel
abused. And all of that is we feel that God isn't, isn't being
kind to us. He's not being good to us. He's not protecting us.
He's just, he's, we're being used like a pawn. You know, and
we have to choose in those situations. No, God, you said
that that's not who you are, you said you're something different.
And so that's what I'm going to choose that you are, I'm going
to choose that you are who say that you are. And anyway, so in
it's very hard and challenging to choose that in those
situations. So it's not easy, but it is what God calls us to
know. And, but then we can be in those situations and not be as
affected. Because they can, it's like being in the storm, like
with Jesus, where he's in the boat, and he's asleep. He's
being knocked about and water's coming up over the sides. But
he's still sleeping. He didn't feel the need to get up and to
tell the storm to stop it. In other words, to change his
environment so that he was no longer in that environment, and
that he was no longer being affected by that environment. He
just like, I get wet. If I get knocked around, he was like, I
just need to go to sleep. He didn't find a need to change it.
Because he was like, it doesn't it can do what it wants to do.
Not everything calls for two.
And I think that's, yeah, I think that's my follow up
question is, what do I do now? Because you said I heard your
teaching number nine today about governing relationships, knowing
them in business. Oh, business. Yes. But you do touch on
relationships, too. And I think suddenly, I have a problem with
four people in the church in a way, I guess, this man and his
wife, and then the guy that I like, and then the woman that
rejected me. So that's right. Yeah, I know. And it's pretty
smart. And what you said in that video was that you don't always
have to fix the problems, or I am the problem solver, I and I
don't like to be have a problem with someone, I want to fix
things. And I want to, but then you spoke about that in, in the
video. And I thought, that's interesting. Like, what does that
mean? What do you do then? And how do I how I'm going to relate
to this, and continue in the church with all these things
going on, if I'm not supposed to fix it? And of course, they are
touching hard things in my life. And yeah, and especially I think
with this man that I still care about. Because I did. I did
speak into his life, and he welcomed it. But then I talked
to you about it last week about maybe you don't have a place.
Like he's not inviting to into a place and having the facility,
or you really have authority to speak into that. And I thought
that I don't, because there's not going to be anything between
us. And but then I was in so much stress over speaking into
his life. I couldn't rest about it, and it came up, and I would
give it to God and would come up again. So then I thought, I'm
going to go where my soul feels rest. And that is asking, is
everything okay? Because I was so stressed that I had hurt him
or, or, or done something wrong, or said something wrong. And I
couldn't get out of the stress and condemnation of it. So I
wrote him again and asked, is everything okay? And he said,
yes, it was good. It was helpful. And I need to deal
with some of these things. But then also, he said things that
made me think he doesn't really understand what it's about.
Because he says, yes. Like, like he said, like, it's like he's
dealing with the things up here about his behavior, but he's not
dealing with what's causing it. And so every time he talks, I
can hear him saying things here. Not very often does he talk
about why is he actually doing it? What are the things he's
being convicted of? What is
is really going on.
And he has just said that he's understanding
that he sees this and I'm addressing this.
So he, but he's in the beginning of understanding that.
And he says that that was really hard to hear
like some of the things that I said,
but he was okay about it and didn't have a problem with me.
But I, and that just rattled me.
I don't know, I was just so affected
by that whole confront, not the confrontation
but that exchange.
And I guess also because I'm not over him
I'm just so much confused about how am I gonna act?
And also afraid that he wants to invite me into this part.
And then I don't want to, but then of course
a part of me wants to, but then I know it's not right.
And I shouldn't, but how, what am I
how am I going to respond if he invites me into that?
Or how am I going to relate to him now?
Because now we've had that talk
where I have addressed a lot of issues
and spoken into his life.
He has received it to an extent
and said that he needs to dig deeper.
So what am I going to do now?
And also, I guess with why am I not getting over him?
Why am I in the church?
Then probably I should have not been in the church
and see him every week and been in so many chat groups
and other meetings with him.
But then, so I actually thought it was too hard
for a human to be in that situation.
So I was going to leave the church.
And then God told me in August
that he wanted me to go through it.
And, but that was against my flesh and my feelings
because it was painful just seeing him.
And then that led to several victories.
Like I said, like I come to worship
and I receive everything from him.
And it's just God, because in myself, I can't.
So I've seen like God is walking me through,
he's getting me through,
but now it kind of got stirred up a lot again.
And I haven't talked to him for nine months.
And then we have this very deep conversation
where I'm speaking into his life
and I'm not getting over him.
And I'm not, and I'm supposed to go through this in church,
but I just don't know how.
Well, those types of things can get,
can be very confusing when, you know, we desire intimacy,
meaning like really close connection with someone,
but, and we're having it in a particular way,
but we're not being given it or have it in the environment
in which it was supposed to exist.
So, you know, y'all aren't together anymore.
You don't have that relationship.
You don't even have, in a manner of speaking,
manner of speaking, you don't even have a friendship,
you know, because you're not interacting.
I mean, meaning like, you're not like
going to each other's houses and going to pizza,
you know, and going to have pizza and stuff like that.
You're not, you're not doing that.
I mean, y'all are, you know,
your brother and sister in Christ and your acquaintances,
you know, each other and whatever,
and you're not mean to each other.
That's different though,
than being a friend that you're investing in, you know?
And, and so it can get very confusing in relationships
if the level of intimacy that is,
I don't, how would you put that?
If the environment and the situation is not whole,
is not creating a space and the proper,
what would you call it?
Not the proper setup,
but just the proper environment
for a certain level of intimacy.
And yet that a certain level of intimacy
is periodically accessed.
Like what happened.
Yeah, like what happened or whatever.
It can create so much confusion
because y'all are allowing a certain level of intimacy
but there's no environment for that intimacy to exist
and to be healthy.
There's no place for it, you know,
it's no place for it to like land.
And so it can end up as weird as it sounds,
it can end up hurting instead of helping.
Yeah.
Because that intimacy like that,
speaking into each other's lives or like, you know,
connecting on particular levels
is something that is very, very valuable.
It's extremely precious.
And therefore you need an environment that is going to,
in a situation that is going to appropriate,
that is appropriate for that thing.
Kind of like,
you're not going to keep your pearls in the compost pile.
You know what a compost pile is?
Yeah.
You're not going to want to keep your pearls in the compost pile.
You're going to keep it in a nice jewelry box with velvet
so it doesn't get scratched and whatever.
Why? Because that's appropriate for the level of value that it is
because it also preserves and protects it.
The compost pile is not just dirty and completely incongruent.
With the pearls, it could, I mean, you know,
it seems like it's something that over time could damage them.
You know, and so anyway, it's, and whenever you have that dissonance,
then it's going to create a lot of pain and a lot of confusion.
That's why they talk about, for instance, on first dates
that you only go so deep and you don't go deeper,
even if you're both okay with it, because, you know,
even if you're both okay with talking about things at such a deep level,
because it can confuse the relationship
and make everyone feel closer than they really are.
And to feel more connected and more like they know each other
than they actually really do.
And so that's why, even though it can be consensual of like,
hey, let's talk about these types of things.
And it's just our first date doesn't mean that it's healthy
because the environment to be able to hold such a precious thing isn't there.
And it can just create more trouble and problems and whatever.
So anyway, I was just kind of explaining,
I just wanted to mention to you is probably why it,
one of the reasons that it's creating so much pain and confusion
is because there's a dissonance.
It's like, hey, I don't want to have this relationship with them.
I know that ultimately you do,
but because he's not wanting it and you're not wanting,
it's kind of like, hey, look, you know, I deserve to be wanted,
you know, whatever.
So it's like, okay, if you've realized, okay, it's not going to happen.
You know, it's not happening.
So therefore, and he doesn't get access to this other part of me.
He didn't get access to me speaking into his life
and him getting to benefit from it and whatever,
because he's not creating an environment to cover
and give me what it is that is appropriate and matching for this.
And so anyway, it's, so what you're offering of yourself
is very, very precious value that.
So that's what I would recommend is that you,
because it can be very, the easiest way to over,
to overcome a real past relationship and feelings for someone is,
is honestly not to like get mad and get angry and dah, dah, dah.
All of those are kind of fake ways in which we can try to,
to, in which we're trying to make ourselves feel good about ourselves
is to put someone else down.
Just mad at him.
Now, sir, there's a process sometimes that like, just being mad at someone,
you know, we're just going to go through that.
But I'm just talking about like, from a spiritual perspective,
we don't want to just continue to,
we don't want to try to get over someone by,
by thinking about how bad they are and just like,
oh my word, they did this and they did that.
But we want to accomplish the same thing that we're trying to accomplish
with being mad, but we want to do it from a different perspective.
What we want to do instead is we want to just value us.
The reason why we typically get mad is because, I mean,
just generally speaking, not, not every situation's like this,
but generally speaking is the, the reason that we can do that
is because we don't think we don't feel that we have enough value
to just value us without making them lower first.
That's the only way we can think of to value ourselves
is to lower them in comparison.
Then it raises us up in comparison,
and then we can feel better about ourselves.
And God's like, no, no, no.
Even without putting them down, you're already up here.
You don't have to put them down.
And so just, just value who it is that you actually are.
And by doing that, it's actually easier to get over somebody.
So the issue, and what I think is, is one of the reasons,
or maybe the reason it's at least part of,
if not the reason why you're struggling to get over this guy
is a lack of value of yourself.
And so choose that.
You remember how, what we keep going back to,
you know, choose that you are who God says that you are.
Choose that for yourself.
In other words.
Make it your reality.
Choose that that is actually the reality of the world
in which you exist, in which you get up into every,
in which you get up and live every day, is that reality.
You're gonna have to choose it.
You're gonna have to choose that it's truth.
You're gonna have to claim it as your truth
because it won't knock you over the head
and prove itself to you.
You have to choose that it's true first
and then it'll become evident
because in order for the evidence to come,
it needs your faith.
So if we're waiting around for the evidence
in order to give us the faith
and the evidence needs our faith in order to be created,
so in other words, it's created by our faith
and we're waiting on the evidence before we have the faith,
then we're gonna be waiting for forever
because we create the evidence with our faith.
So we have to have the faith first before the evidence.
I talk more about all of this in detail in session 12,
I think, the power of intention.
And I talk about that where I talk about
the masculine and the feminine coming together
and having a baby, it's this idea.
It's that God gives a word.
In other words, he gives truth
and we have to receive it by faith
in order for something to actually manifest,
in order for something to actually prove
that God's word existed.
We have to believe it in order for the proof
to show up in physical form or whatever.
So it's the same thing with this.
If you want to, in order, God's saying that you're valued.
So you have to choose that you're valued
before you'll feel like you see evidence of it in your life,
before you feel like you can see it everywhere,
before you can feel like, before you can feel it,
before you can believe it,
you have to choose that it's actually reality.
And you have to choose it to the point
where it feels like you're making something up.
I mean, that's how it will feel when you're choosing it.
It won't be logical.
It will not feel right.
It will feel like you are denying reality
and making up a different reality.
But what you're doing is you're choosing
that what God says is true.
That's the only basis that you're having for your choice,
which feels very risky.
It feels very rocky.
It's just like, can I do that?
I don't know that it's gonna actually,
I don't know that it's actually true
because again, we're like, yeah,
but I don't see evidence, whatever.
So anyway, I just wanted to remind you
when I'm telling you,
you have to choose that you are valuable.
You have to choose that you are who God says that you are.
It's an intentional choice that you're not going to,
you're not going to see right away.
You're not gonna believe it.
You're gonna have to make it true to yourself.
And then, but it's extremely powerful.
And when you do that, it's going to help you
in so many other areas of your life.
It's gonna, and because that's another reason why,
going back to the thing that you said earlier,
why do I feel abused?
Why do I feel used?
Is we don't feel valuable.
We feel like we're just like this thing
that God can throw at whatever situation it needs fixing
because we're expendable.
And that's not true.
God's purpose in putting us in situations
is because actually we're valuable enough
and powerful enough, not on our own, but in Him,
that being in Christ, being one with Christ,
our spirit being conjoined with Christ is so powerful
that He can use us in those situations.
It's a position of freeing,
of us having the co-creating with the Lord,
a freedom into creation that enables,
that gives Him the desire and the need, whatever,
of putting us into a situation,
not, hey, I need to get this fixed
and I'll allow Renata to,
I'll put Renata in this situation
so that that situation will be fixed
and Renata can just bear all the consequences.
And remember that if God is gonna put you there
and if it's your spirit that you're,
if it's His spirit that you're bringing,
then He bears the consequences.
does not allow you to bear consequences of something that is responding to his spirit
within you. And I wish I could remember where that was. I don't remember if it was Philippians
or whatever, talking about how we suffer for Christ and blessed is he who is, uh, how did,
how is it phrased? Um, but that, that, uh, joins Christ in his sufferings and suffers
like Jesus did. You remember how it talks like it talks about that. I wish I could remember
how it phrases that, but I don't know, it's Philippians or something like that. And, but
it talks about, you know, how it's a blessing when we suffer things for Christ. Um, it's
in the only, and the only way that that is, is because it's just like, well, you know,
it's not because, oh, well, I don't know. That would kind of be like a longer, bigger
subject, but I think that you understand what I'm saying. Um, and, uh, so it's so many things
come back to our lack of value of ourselves, case in point, your issues with your students,
uh, your, you know, the, the, the hurt that you're experiencing in church, by the way,
your issues with your students. I'm not saying that the issues are coming up because you don't
value yourself. I'm saying that the reason you're struggling with it, that's, those are the
students that is their background. Those are their choices to cause problems. You know, it's not on
you, but I'm talking about the pain, the angst, the struggle, all of that, that you're dealing
with with your students, the issues that you're dealing with, with the relationships with people
in your church. And it's just kind of like, why, why am I always being used like this? Lord,
why do I have to bear like negative or like relation, uh, relationship or reputation consequences
for what it is that I'm, um, uh, for, you know, being who I am and, and just, um, um, I don't
know, interacting with other people. Why do all of these things happen? And it's this lack of,
of believing that we are who God says that we are. So if you change that at a very root level,
in other words, if you choose it at a very root level, then so many things really will change
because here's the thing you have, what you have the healing and the, and the key to unlock the
freedom that that situation is crying out for. And if you are focused all of your energy on trying
to protect yourself by your own worry, your own fear, your, um, your self pity, you know,
all of those things and like, Oh my focused on like, God, where are you? Why aren't you helping
me? What, you know, if we're doing that, then we don't, then we're not, we don't have any energy
and by energy, I don't mean sweat. I just mean focus. I just mean like, we're so focused on
something else that we're not shifting ourselves into the position that God says that we're in
and able to bring something positive into the situation to heal it, to free it. We're so
focused on what it is that we're receiving from the situation, like all of the attacks,
all of the hurt, all of the pain. And we're just focused on like trying to handle and manage that,
that we're kind of like in management mode or in survival mode,
that it doesn't have any opportunity to heal or to change because we are the ones that have
what is needed for it to change. We're the ones who have what is needed to be brought
into the situation to provide healing so that it'll stop. Kind of like that whole thing of
like, you know, where Jesus, you know, talked to the storm and you said, you know, peace, be still
or whatever. It's just, we have what's needed, but if we're so focused, like the disciples,
remember what Jesus said, as soon as he told that, told the wind in the ways, you know, peace,
be still. And he just said, and he just turned to the disciples and he was just like, and I don't
remember the exact phrase, but cause I think that this phrase was when that he used was with Peter
later walking on the water. But basically the idea was, you know, Oh, you have little faith
talking to the disciples. And he's just like, and, and, you know, he was basically saying,
Oh, look, you were not under threat. You have the authority, you know,
And you could have done this yourself, you know, but but anyway, the, so
if we remember that we are who God says that we are, we choose that. And we choose that instead
of, instead of believing.
that we're not protected by God.
And we're just focused on protecting ourselves
and just managing our pain, you know,
and then we aren't actually providing
what the situation needs in order to heal.
So it's fascinating that God ends up using
the people that received them.
And I see this over and over and over and over and over
and over and over again,
even in non-believers, how God will use the very people
that received the most attacks,
most consequences or whatever,
to actually bring healing and new revelation
and freedom to the very situations and people
that had hurt them.
They turn around and be their savior, if you will.
And that even is what I watched that even with non-believers.
So it's interesting how the Lord uses that.
Absolutely.
But yeah, so the thing is that you,
my point is you have something,
you are very, very valuable.
You're not a victim that's the weak link in the church
that causes these problems, that whatever.
You are being moved by God in him,
in something that the rest of the church needs.
And it's often,
it's, oh, what's the word?
You can often tell, not always,
but you can often tell who it is by who is being,
I don't know, attacked a lot and all that.
Not necessarily, it's not like a perfect science
or whatever, but it very often happens.
So anyway, so is all of this making-
Yeah, and I'm realizing that you think maybe,
I'm thinking that I probably shouldn't have had the talk
with him in the first place at all.
Maybe that's a big thing that threw me off.
That's what I'm thinking when you're talking now about-
Yeah, and-
And I've been spending nine months to get over him
and having safe boundaries and living healthily
and being connected with him very politely and surface.
And then suddenly I go super deep with him.
So maybe just the whole,
and maybe that wasn't my place in the first time.
And that's what created a lot of the emotional turmoil.
Yeah, it's horrible.
What?
It just makes me feel so bad.
No, so that's what I was gonna say is that,
I mean, maybe it's one of those things that wasn't,
because I don't know, that's between you and God
and he knows these things
and he has a point of all of these things.
And so maybe like if it wasn't wise,
it can still not be something that like is,
like just messes everything up.
It can actually be something,
because remember God uses all things for good
to those who love him,
to those who are called according to his purpose.
So even if we do things, we're like, oh my word,
well, that just set off this chain reaction.
Chain reaction, that I really didn't wanna deal with,
or now I'm in this situation, whatever.
And we have a tendency to view things like,
oh, I made a wrong turn somewhere.
And this is just like, I don't know, just really bad.
Well, God's just like, hey, you know what?
We work this out.
We just kinda, we just adjust.
It means you took that, you taking that turn
means that we simply have to adjust.
And in the adjustment, you gain so much,
you gain something special from the Lord.
You gain something special in your relationship with him.
Again, he works it all out for good to those who love him.
So now you say, what if there is a potential
for a worse situation down the road
that you could have gotten yourself into?
But because you've gone through this situation,
you learned.
in this way, that's not as damaging and hurtful and painful as that situation would have been
down the road if you would have done it then. And, but because she'd applied it now, but because
you learned it now in this maybe safer situation, you know, that didn't bear as much pain as that
one would have. By the time you get to this one, you make a different choice. Yeah. I mean, so,
so the thing is that what you can always do is, is remember God is good and so are you. So,
so you just in, how would you word that? It's like you thank God for,
for who he is and has shown up to be in your situations. Even if instead of getting all,
instead of viewing them from such a negative perspective of, oh, I shouldn't have done that.
This shouldn't have happened. It's caused all these problems or whatever. Instead of viewing
it from that perspective, thank the Lord for his redemption of it. Thank the Lord for how he's
using it. Value what it is that the Lord is, is how the Lord is going to use it and what the,
how the Lord is choosing to see, to see it and, and what he's teaching you about himself in it,
et cetera. Value that, value what God is giving you of your, of himself and you, and then,
and then greater and deeper intimacy of the two of you, you know, you and God together.
Instead of focusing on, oh, I shouldn't have done that. You know, oh my word,
I caused this problem, you know, blaming myself. Remember no shame, no condemnation.
And the more, as weird as that sounds, the more that we focus on the positive of those types of
things, the more that we focus, the more that we're great, that we in gratitude, thank the Lord
for things that here that up to this point, we've, we've viewed as negative. The more that the more
powerful, powerfully, the Lord can use those instances in our lives. And the more intimate
that we can get with the Lord, the stronger we can develop relationship. He really, really, really,
really, really values and appreciates gratitude. And he uses it very powerfully. It's it's we're
not trying to give ourselves some kind of a, how would you word that? I don't know. We're
not trying to like deny reality. We're not trying to kind of go through life like a Pollyanna,
like everything's just fine. It's optimistic and denying what's really going on. You're actually
just choosing God's redemption of everything and choosing to focus on and receive and to apply the
meaning that in other words, you're, you're choosing that the meaning of what happened
is the redemption as opposed to the negative that set off this series of, of, you know,
actions, you know, you're choosing to receive it in its redemption. And God loves that. He loves
that won't that we choose the meaning of an event to be his redemption of it.
As opposed to it being a bad thing that brought bad things. He loves it. It's extremely powerful.
You coming into agreement with that breaks with him in that and with his redemption and choosing
that as the meaning of it to you breaks has a very powerful spiritual impact and greatly breaks.
I don't know, whatever you call it.
Breaks the chains of, of, you know, in the spirit and, and the power of things over you, whatever.
So good. Yeah. I think I need to watch this again,
but I'm getting 50% of what you're saying. Yeah. But I also, I mean, I can tell that it stresses
me to hear it. You felt like there's something to do. Yes. I think there's something to do.
a condemnation or but then what I'm hearing is that God will
even use it and like use it. This Okay, maybe you did
something wrong. But be thankful for what he's because of this is
leading you through like, be thankful that he that that it's
like you said to not be it doesn't have to be something
worse could have happened but he's like, like he's like in
this even though it whether you did a mistake or not, or maybe
whatever. He is using it to bring you through it and
understand and give you an understanding and who knows what
could have happened if you're not learning this at this point.
Yeah. And to look at it as a perspective of grace, like he's
he's having a lot of grace on you through it, whether it was
a mistake or not.
Yeah. And that he's actually creating it to be a very good
thing, a very positive impact in your life instead of a negative
one. And I am learning from it. Yeah, that he's actually making
it a good thing that happened, as opposed to a bad thing.
That's what kind of what I mean. Yeah. So and then there's and
remember, there's not anything to do. It's actually all of the
things that you're doing right now, that you're feeling that
you are meaning like, that the the the resistance to Oh, my
goodness, I, I, I'm, you know, I don't know.
I think that I'm feeling that I need to, because I, I did
mistakes. And then I found out he's not interested. And I'm
protecting myself. And I've been walking in it. And also making
my stand, like, you can come this but not further. And I've
been really firm in it. And then I just suddenly opened the
floodgates and totally let him in. And then he thinks maybe
that now, we can be at this level. Okay, with it. And then
I'm afraid, what do I need to do now? Does that mean that? So
that means that it will be a new confrontation where he actually
now I opened up for something that I didn't want to. And now
he thinks everything's open. And I can, we can meet at this
emotional level. But I but now I'm seeing like, no, I shouldn't
have I was hurt by this. I feel horrible afterwards. So now I
need to make this full work to close up again. And oh, I see.
So that's why I'm like, Oh, my gosh.
Are you saying close up again, like with him or close up again
within yourself?
Like put boundaries around myself, and that it's not okay
to communicate emotionally at this level.
Oh, okay. Yes. That's what I'm saying is that value yourself.
And it's easier to do that, because that comes naturally out
of valuing yourself, because then you're not going to give
away something precious to a situation that doesn't treat it
as precious. Yeah. And, and so it's not. Now, this may not be
what you're asking. But just in case, it is, there's just a
thought is that, I mean, unless, unless someone keeps doing
something, you know, keeps coming at you, and like
insisting on something, there's ways to draw boundaries without
having to actually talk about it. Yeah, if he comes up to you
again, you don't actually have to, you know, worry about, Oh,
my goodness, you know, what am I going to say? How am I going to
like, correct this? Because you probably got this impression. So
now we need to have a talk about that. He could come up to you,
and he could start asking for more information. Okay, you
know, Renata, I've been thinking, and this is where I've
gotten so far. And, you know, and, and, well, what do you
think? Or is there anything you think I've missed or whatever?
And so for instance, the pieces, well, what do you think? You
can just, well, you know, I'm excited for you. And sounds
great. That's it. And he'd be like, Well, well, no, like,
like, really, what do you think? I'm like, I think it's great.
Basically, what you're doing is you're leaving him alone. He's
not yours anymore. So it's like, okay, that's what you're doing
your life. That is wonderful. I am so excited for you. Great.
Instead of commenting on it and contributing to it. Oh, you
know, you know, I think that's really good. Yeah, that is what
I was talking about. And, you know, if it's helpful, well,
then there's also, you know, yeah, or, or, you know, don't be
so hard on yourself, or I don't know, whatever you think.
It's just kind of like, almost like letting him talk.
And then you just, that's great.
I mean, I'm really excited for you, you know, and, and, uh, or I got to go or
whatever, in the end, sometimes if you were to ask you, so, Hey, you know, I
was wondering, you know, is, what do you mean about, uh, or, or what more would
you like, in other words, he's inviting you to like, open up more and to tell
him more, you can always just send him, you know, to the Lord and you're like,
well, you know, you know, I just told you some things that came to mind, um,
that day, but I think that this is really just something that you just, um, either
need to, that you just, I encourage you to just pursue this, you know, with the
Lord or to, um, you know, get together with so-and-so like some guy, you know,
get together so-and-so and ask, you know, and ask him or, or whatever.
In other words, in other words, make everything, I don't want to say not a big
deal, but just kind of just basically view it as, as remember, if you view
yourself as valuable and that you are who God says that you are, I'm not saying
more valuable than this guy.
I'm not saying, well, he's not treating me right.
And I'm going to be, you know, I'm going to withhold myself from him.
I don't mean that.
I just mean like, if you see yourself as valuable, then you realize, wait a
minute, he's not providing the environment for me to be able to offer my valuable
things so that I'm preserving for someone else.
And so therefore I'm not going to give them to him.
So then, but you love on him, you'd be nice.
And you'd be like, well, you know, you can get it from so-and-so or whatever.
So it's ways in which you can draw boundaries because you're simply
just not playing the game.
As opposed to telling them why you're not playing the game, you just don't play.
So that is one way to do, to do it where you just, as opposed to thinking, oh, and
maybe you weren't thinking this, but just in case you were, as opposed to thinking,
oh my word, I have to actually have a conversation.
You just choose, you just choose it for you and start living like that.
Just start doing it.
You don't have to explain to someone else what it is that you're doing.
Now, now, sure.
If it comes and he just like pushes and pushes and pushes and pushes it or
whatever, and you're like, you know, this, this situation, you know, I just
realized you spoke into your life and I just don't have that place anymore.
And, um, and so therefore, you know, I'm, I'm, I don't know, just whatever.
And, um, yeah, so, um, yeah.
But also before we go, um, oh, wow.
I didn't realize it was so late.
Yeah.
I just had one more question, but if you have time, but, um,
yeah, you do.
Yeah.
Um, you can answer it quickly.
Um, I don't think, um, it was like, how do you intervene speaking to others, soul
and spirit, and how do you do it with non-believers?
Uh, oh, I want to pray for people and now I'm learning a new way to pray and to
speak to people's spirit and soul and body, but then unbelievers, they have a
spirit, but like, what, what kind of authority do you have?
What do you not have authority to do?
Like maybe a longer talk, but just like briefly.
Well, part of it was in the healing your body and soul through the spirit.
Some of that, and then I think there's some more in governing creation in
relationships, which you haven't watched yet.
So there's some of it in there.
Um, but the quick thing is that, um, that.
As far as like authority, everyone has every everyone's spirit has the most
authority over their own soul and body, but someone else's soul and body will
respond to and acknowledge the fact that you, as a son of God, you,
your spirit is talking to them.
And so you have the authority as a son of God to bring in the spirit of God for
something, to choose, to respond to it.
And it will notice that it's a son of God talking to it.
It will recognize it and it will be given.
And therefore it has a choice to respond, but it's, it's not ever to,
we're not ever to approach it.
Now you can't do this from your spirit, you know, which is in Christ, but you
can try to interact with someone in a way, you know, from your soul that, um,
manipulates it and tries to control another human being, and that is wrong.
And that's manipulation.
That's, you know, as the son of witchcraft, because it is trying to
supersede someone else's free will.
So there's that caveat.
That's what that is.
That's what.
I don't know, a lot of new agers do and stuff like that, or witches and stuff, is they're
trying to manipulate a just second.
Excuse me.
And thank you.
And so anyway, so there's that.
So we're not talking about that.
That kind of where you're, you're, you are taking an, an authority over someone and forcing
something on them that you don't have is the same idea as like rape or whatever, where
someone is forcing something on someone else against in violation of their free will.
That's what manipulation is, where it's like a soul with another soul wanting to get something
to happen.
Even if it's said in the name of like something godly, like a parent, grandparent talking,
praying about their grandchild in such, or, or a wife talking to their, about their husband
praying, you know, in this specific way to get their own way out of them.
That's manipulation.
That's the center of witchcraft.
So we're not talking about that kind of thing.
If you're talking, you know, to talk about the positive, there's a way in which your
spirit can talk to their soul or their body is, is almost kind of like an ambassador or
an evangelist, like calling to them as a son of God and giving them the opportunity to,
to find, to, to, to risk, to believe, to respond to what you're saying, not, not what you're
saying, but to the spirit that you are bringing and to choose, to believe that it's safe to
choose, to believe that it can trust its own spirit, not to follow you and your spirit,
but to believe it's spirit to, in other words, to stop feeling so afraid because your spirit
is connected to their spirit in the Lord.
So it's, and, and y'all and, and your spirit and the other person's spirit are, you know,
even, you know, for instance, if it, even if it's an, um, and, oh, I, I forgot, we're
talking about, um, a non-believers, I forgot we're talking about a non-believer, but anyway,
their spirit still was created, you know, by the Lord and, and, uh, and while it can't
really, I don't really understand how it works, but, you know, God says that their spirit
is dead until they, you know, until they are united in Christ.
There's still a way in which their soul can hear a son of God talk and respond.
It can't by its own spirit, because there's that shut off or whatever, right now, I don't
know if that's actually perfectly theologically correct, but it can't because God does have
a way to talk to non-believers and they can hear him even without, even though he said
their spirit is dead.
So I don't fully understand theologically how all that's working.
My point is very generally that even if their own, even if they, even if they aren't rising
up within themselves and connecting within some aspect of themselves, that's wanting
to follow God or whatever, they can hear it like an ambassador or an evangelist from you
and your spirit.
So they just, basically you are just giving them an opportunity to come into the presence
of God to make, and then, and then, and then it gives them an opportunity to make a choice,
a choice to be free.
And that's what you're doing with your spirit is you're talking as a son of God to an aspect
of creation that just happens to be somebody else's soul, as opposed to a rabbit or a tree
or a circumstance, like, like the sea of Galilee, you know, and telling it to be quiet.
You're coming up against another, you're coming to another soul and you are presenting a son
of God.
So it gives it the opportunity to choose that God is as good as you are evangelistically
telling them and inviting them to believe.
So you can speak to the soul and body of non-believers, but you can speak with the spirit of believers
to tell them the spirit to rise up, to the non-believer, you can speak to the soul and
to the body from your spirit, but to believers, you can also speak to their spirit and ask
that their spirit to rise over their body and soul.
Yes.
Okay.
Right.
I even do that over my, my own self.
Which you probably remember from maybe that, maybe the rest intensive, you know, the course
right before this, where I had that little write up about like, Hey, how to.
Talk to your spirit, your soul, and your body.
And I, and I talk to my spirit.
So I usually talk to my soul and my body
because you're the ones with the issues,
but sometimes I talk to my spirit and just, you know,
tell it to, you know, to rise up
and to get the spirit of wisdom
and get the spirit of understanding, you know,
all these other spirits of the Lord.
And then to bring those in, to heal certain aspects of me
and hear certain aspects of my soul
and to teach my soul that it's safe
and that kind of a thing.
And so, yeah, yeah, you can.
And who knows, maybe there's a way to talk to somebody,
a non-believer's spirit, I have no idea.
There's only so much that I understand.
I just know that theologically,
I just know what I've done and what has worked.
Yeah.
So take all of the theology with a grain of salt.
Yeah, no, no, no.
That's good.
Thank you.
It's helpful.
So, because I know that in the Bible,
people have taught to their souls.
And I don't know if anyone's taught to their spirits.
I mean, like if it's recorded anywhere in scripture.
So, but I know people who do, I do.
It just, it's just like you're addressing
a certain part of yourself.
It's like, why not?
We can talk to God.
If we can talk to God, we can talk to Amy.
If you spoke to their spirits and ask it to come alive,
that would lead them to Christ.
Maybe, I don't know.
Yeah, I mean.
If it's dead, or it's dead until they come in,
until they surrender to Christ.
Yeah, I mean, why not?
Or if you ask it to rise, maybe, I don't know.
But maybe the safest thing is to speak
to their soul and body.
Then you at least know that you're within.
I don't know.
Yeah.
And that as well.
I mean, they're, yeah.
I mean, honestly, I just don't know how all of that works.
When I talk to a non-believer,
I recognize that they do interact with a non-believer.
I recognize that they do have a spirit.
And that that's who they actually are.
But they think that they're their soul or their body.
And that's the thing that they're in bondage to.
And so, I don't know.
I don't know if I've ever talked
to a non-believer spirit before.
I don't know.
Like I said, it's not like I've learned
all of these things theologically.
I just, I was just in, I would just be like,
like my spirit would be open with the Lord.
And I would just kind of be like, what feels right?
What feels theologically accurate?
Not like I could figure it out,
but like, where do I feel the freedom?
Like, and then I started talking to my soul or my body.
And I was like, this is interesting.
And I just kind of like felt into it.
And I'm like, well, Lord, is this okay?
And I was like, well, I'm not worshiping him.
I'm just like talking to him, you know?
And so anyway, and then I noticed
that things started changing.
And the way that I did that is I recognized
that God has created all those different parts of me,
the spirit, soul, and the body, and they're entities.
And so, and he called me to be a king.
So why not me as a king talk to those entities?
So it all within what God says,
which is the first thing that he is the king
and that I am learning how to be a king like my father
by governing the creation that he gave me.
In other words, the creation that he called me
to have dominion over.
So anyway, yeah.
But before we go, how are you with the overall question
that you had been asking in that text,
that message that you've sent me?
Like, did I answer?
Okay.
Okay, so I didn't leave something
that you were asking that.
No.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay, because I wanted,
because I knew that you were very discouraged
and you were just like, oh my word, see,
this is the very reason why I don't, why, you know,
I want to be in rest and whatever.
It does, remember, it doesn't mean
that rest is not the lack of unpleasant circumstances.
So it doesn't mean that things are going to be easy.
Rest is rather influences
and affects how we go through these situations.
It doesn't make these situations not happen.
Yes.
It just changes how we go through them.
But remember that that's how things are birthed
is going through chaos in rest.
It's not going through rest in rest.
That's not how things are birthed.
It's going through chaos in rest is how things are birthed.
So therefore.
or you got to have chaos.
There's going to be just turmoil.
There's going to be, there's going to be disorder
and you're bringing, and you're moving through it in rest.
You're being unfazed, unaffected and uncorrupted
by going through the chaos, you know, your catalyst.
But that's what rest is.
And that's what the rest intensive is about.
And that's what I, what I'm talking about is
not to help people not go through situations anymore.
Cause that's just going to happen.
I mean, that's why we're here is like,
well, it's not why we're here.
We're here to reveal the Lord, but in revealing the Lord,
we're in a situation right now because of the fall of Adam,
that creation was subjected to frustration
and we're needing to, in presenting the Lord,
it's going to be, it's going to be helping creation overcome
and to shift into freedom.
And so that's just kind of where it is that we are now.
It wouldn't have been like that before Adam,
but since Adam, then that's the situation that we're in.
So it's not why we were created.
We know we're not created to overcome creation
because creation was perfectly fine.
For goodness knows how long before Adam sinned.
I mean, how long did he live in the garden?
It could have been thousands of years
before he ever sinned, I don't know.
But the point is that that's not why we were created.
We were not created to overcome.
We were created in order to reveal the Lord,
but now we're revealing that in our revealing of the Lord,
it'll overcome.
So we're going through, but the only way to do that,
the only way to actually reveal the Lord
and release creation from frustration
is that is in its chaos, in its frustration,
in its disorder and its unbelief,
we move through it in belief.
We have to move through the unbelief of creation
in our belief in order to change its unbelief to belief
in order to, we have to be different.
And so that's, as opposed to being the same,
being the same as it feels like,
oh, it's going to give us peace
because we're not in dissonance with it or whatever,
but we can't free it.
And it's going to continue to remain in chaos
if we're in its same frequency.
So anyway, hopefully that's helpful.
It is.
Oh, well, it's good to get to see you.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Are you enjoying everything?
Everything going good?
Yes, it's going well.
I hope I'll be able to maybe wake up
a couple of more nights.
We'll see.
That would be great.
Everyone just loved getting to finally meet you.
Yeah, so that was really good.
Thank you so much for your help.
You're welcome.
Yeah.
So then I'll see you more on,
maybe on some of the calls.
Yes.
Okay, that would be great.
All right.
Well, my friend wrote you a text, I think.
Yes, she did.
Yeah.
I feel so bad.
I've got actually multiple people
that I haven't gotten back to yet.
So I need to remember that.
Sorry.
She was a friend.
No, no, no.
But she's a friend of mine
and she's been really inspired
by what's happening in my life.
So, but I was thinking maybe you'll also, yeah.
And I'm thinking just,
yeah, I want to continue
with the rest intensive this December.
And then, yeah, maybe,
well, I don't know what the other girls
are thinking after that or what,
but I hope that I'd be more connected
to you further on too.
Well, good.
Well, I'd love that.
I'm starting another rest intensive,
you know, like the one we did last six weeks.
So not the rest lifestyle, but rest intensive.
And I'll be starting another one in January.
So I'm getting all of that ready
to just let everyone know
because I've had other people tell me
that their friends want to join.
And so I've had at least four people reach out
saying they want to do it,
like friends of people who are in it.
And so I need to go ahead and just get a page up
so that people can start signing up if they want to.
So anyway.
All right.
Good to see you.
Yeah, you too.
See you later.
Bye.