I'm going to go ahead and turn it over to Ashley.
How are you?
I'm good.
How are you?
Doing good.
What are you up to these days?
Besides working very long hours into the weekend.
Yes.
I don't think I want to do that anymore.
Good for you.
I've been there, done that.
I don't think I want to do that anymore.
I'm sorry.
I understand the pressure to do that,
whether it's from other people or just internally.
I'm sorry.
They added more to my plate.
How can I have more?
I don't understand.
I'm sorry.
Is your boss already left?
I don't think so.
I was like,
you need to do what you need to do.
She got her sister back on.
I think she's wanting to stick it out a little longer.
I just assumed the other position was a promotion.
I don't know how to put it.
It's just too much for one person.
Everything they keep adding to me.
I'm like,
no.
I don't remember.
What do you do?
Accounts payable.
I'm supposed to be leading this team now.
It's not organized.
Today,
the thing that set me off,
or shoved me over the edge,
I could feel myself getting anxious.
She basically told me to leave.
To leave the company?
I don't know.
She was like,
you can go make more money somewhere else.
Look how they're doing you.
She said this off the cuff.
Before she told me how much other people were making,
I was like,
I don't know.
Then she's like,
here you go.
Here I got promoted as a lead.
They did skip a step.
I should have become a senior before I went to lead.
I missed a whole paycheck in between.
It's chaos.
I'm sure they would give me more money there.
It's chaos.
I don't thrive on that.
You said you started to get anxious,
because you were concerned,
because it sounded serious?
I was like,
I don't know.
She's complaining.
I'm like,
Laura,
why are you still staying?
She wanted me to leave too.
Everybody leaves.
I'm like,
I don't know.
When they hand me something,
I'm like,
we'll see when that gets done.
I'm happy for you that you've come up with another goal for yourself.
I don't know when you're going to get it done.
I'm sorry.
I don't know when you're going to get it done.
I'm like,
I don't know when you're going to get it done.
She's encouraging me.
So I'm like feeling rejected or like, you know, she doesn't want
My negative mind goes to,
to be here. If she's here, I'm gonna be here. You know, yeah,
yeah. And then I was like, maybe I failed. And she's like,
doesn't want to mentor me anymore. And I'm not. Yeah.
No, I don't know.
A heart for you. And just I don't know. So, but anyway, I'm
glad that you've got someone over you that you enjoy so much.
That's a really big deal. Because I've had, because I'm
all I'm trying to think of all the people that I've had over me
were people that I ended up. But you know, that I liked, and I
think so I had some people who were more challenging than
others. But I think that I, I, you know, just made the best of
it. And always found, always found something about them that
I just really enjoyed, and connected with that. And before
long, you know, we were, you know, good buds and, and
whatever. So it really makes a huge difference. Yeah. Well, so
how's the journey going overall? Like, I know that you've taken
another mini rest intensive, and now here's like a bigger one. In
other words, it's like, more immersive, I try to build more
of a more of a community, stronger, you know, interaction
and provide opportunities for more, for more, like mentoring
and that kind of thing. And so in it all, I'm wanting to make
sure that people are getting the, you know, what it is that
they're looking for that they're getting the questions answered
that they're looking for, I don't want them to feel like
they have to do alone, because that's kind of the whole point
of the rest intensive is, hey, you don't have to do it alone.
So I like to check in with everybody and see how they're
doing. So just how's, how's the the journey going? Do you have
anything that you want to bring up to, you know, talk about or
where you feel kind of like a hang up or a, you know,
threshold, you can't seem to figure out across or just where
are you?
Um, yeah, I feel like, well, I don't know, if I'm really in
rest, or if I'm just like, I mean, I do feel like excited. I
mean, besides today, I really haven't been anxious or and
I've been able to let go of work in like, just walk away.
Yeah, yeah, that. Yeah. I mean, before I started rest,
definitely, it was unusual, because I would be like, okay,
I'm watching TV, let me just get another hour in an hour, get
in. I was like, but there's still more work to be done. And
then I wouldn't sleep because I'm like, well, if I can't
sleep, let me go work. So I get up. Yeah, another couple hours
in the middle of the night and start working. And I'm like,
alright, and then I ended up breaking like this, you know, I
guess the sleep got to me and yeah, and then just the
expectations. And yeah, but I mean, so I do feel I've gained a
lot this time around. But I'm like, am I am I going stagnant
again? And that's how I feel. Like, did I fall off the horse
already?
There's no right or wrong. It's just where someone is. So what
is it that maybe you are that you have been hoping for, and
don't feel like you have yet that you haven't under either.
I was gonna say that you don't have an understanding of and by
that I don't just mean like, you could talk to me about it, you
know, understanding I'm talking about like, you've you've owned
it and you started to live like that. And you've, you know,
decided that this is what you want to do, so to speak between
you and the Lord, etc. And is there is there something that
maybe is there something that you don't quite have, that you
are wanting to have? How in other words, do you want your
life to be different than it is right now?
We're just going to talk through that.
Yeah, I mean, I do feel like the Lord brought me to this place
and to this, you know, new job. And like, I feel finally that
I'm not struggling paycheck to paycheck. But I'm like, Lord,
there's got to be more than this. I mean, this is what I was
saying earlier. Like, I'm not struggling paycheck to paycheck.
I'm like, Lord, there's got to be more than this. I mean, this
is what I was saying in my old job to like, or my
old type of work. There's got to be more than this. There's got to be something else that I can
be doing besides this thing. And what do you mean something else you could be doing besides it? Like
what do you mean doing? Like, like, are you talking about a hobby or a totally different job
or a different, you feel different, you feel more hopeful when you wake up in the morning?
Like what, what area are you talking about that you feel like, oh, surely there's more than this?
Um, definitely a hobby or a different job. Yeah. And both of those, but I'm like, do I really need
a job? Um, I'm trying to, well, that's how I got what to do. What I'm doing now is I was in my other
job. Actually I was in multiple other jobs before this and I thought, this is it. No, this is,
I was very good at all of those jobs. So it's not like I wasn't, I wasn't succeeding. It wasn't that
I wasn't appreciated and you know, and that my work wasn't valued. Um, it was just that I was
just like, you know, this is, it didn't satisfy, it didn't satisfy what it, um, uh, it didn't satisfy
what I felt like I was made for. And like, there was more in me, almost like I just felt like there
was more life in me that I wasn't living. Someone's calling me, which is so strange, but anyway,
um, uh, but, and I just felt that there was more. And so I just kept presenting things before the
Lord and kind of like started to dream a bit like, well, if I could do something else, what would I
do? And eventually I left corporate in order to do a business consulting and then doing that,
um, in person, you know, in brick and mortar, like walking into locations, I eventually ran into
problems where I was, um, and, uh, ran into some business issues with the owners of the,
of the contract that I had. And, um, and then I thought, okay, well, if I could make this better,
in other words, you know, if I could live more like, oh, I want to live, what would that look
like? And I thought, well, it would be to work from home. It would be to have be, um, you know,
actually that was my first thing. I want to be able to work from home. Then once I started working
from home all the time, and this is obviously pre COVID once I began to work from home all the time,
um, it was like, I wanted more than what I was doing. And so I just began to kind of explore
inside myself. Well, what would I want? What would that look like? And anyway, so I just kind
of evolved, you know, my ideas just kind of evolved what I tried and, um, what I tried,
you know, just kind of evolved. And eventually this is what I've ended up doing. And so this
is actually what I wanted to do if I could do anything. And that is to mentor people spiritually
online on my own time. So I'm literally doing exactly what I wanted to do. Now. It took me a
while to kind of like get there, but part of the way, part of the reason why it took me a while to
get there is yeah, there's timing. The Lord is in like, he's like, well, actually you need to be
prepared to be able to do that. But also there's this, so, you know, I need to take you through
preparation, but also there was this part of that preparation was actually, you know, who do you say
that I am? Do you really believe that I'm that good, that you're that, that what it is that you
want matters and that you are honest enough with yourself of what it is you want. And then you give
that to me and you present that to me and you'll do whatever it is that I say to do. And you stop,
you know, kicking and screaming about it. Every time I tell you, I want you to do something
different than you want to do. So you submit yourself to me, but you also, but you also
present your actual self. You can't submit yourself. If you don't, if you don't have something
to submit, in other words, have something to give. So in other words, I had to want things.
And so he's like, want things, they're not bad. I just want them to not be more important than me,
but wanting something is good. It's honoring who it is that you are. And, and there's an aspect
about wanting things. It's kind of like in the spiritually, you know, for us as, as adults,
that is similar to how a child grows up physically, where they, they play, they just become curious
and they try to discover different things in the world. And so they just kind of mess around with
things.
I wonder what happens if I do this, I wonder what happens if I do that.
And that's one of the things that, that we do when we are trying to figure out.
Our own desires.
And we're kind of like looking inside of ourselves instead of looking out in the
world, like a kid does, and, oh, okay, well, this is this deaf elephant.
Well, what happens if I do this with it?
What happens if I do that with it and they're playing, but they're out here,
but our desires are that thing, but inside, and so we just kind of play around with
them, what about, you know, if it looks like this and what about if it looked
like that and, you know, does, does, would this make me happy or do I think this
would be fun or, okay, well, what are the ramifications of making that decision?
Like, in other words, would it mean that I would have other things in my life that
I really don't want, and that wouldn't be worth me doing this other thing, or I
don't know, you just kind of like play around with it, but be, but enjoy the
playing around, enjoy the, enjoy the kind of the, the dreaming, the daydreaming of
it, and that is part of a step in, in stepping out in faith, in the Lord to
face yourself honestly, because you're not, in other words, to not be afraid of
yourself and then to see what's in there.
And then part of that, seeing what's in there is you trying to figure out what
is it that you really want, because sometimes we come across something that
we think we really want, and after we kind of explore it or really after a
while, we realized, no, that's really not what I want, but what I actually liked
about it is this particular piece, but I don't have to do this whole thing just
to have this piece, I can do this other thing that's a lot more fun and have this
piece.
So anyway, that's part of what you do is you just kind of like play around.
And I've actually been encouraging someone else in the group.
I'm trying to remember, I'm always very, hold all those things in confidence, but
so I'm trying to remember if they said it, if they said it on a post, um, yet,
and well, I can tell you this, that I talked to somebody like in the old rest
intensive, like two years ago about this.
And they were, in fact, they made a post about it.
Like again, to, well, it may not have been two years ago that they made a post about
it may have been like more like a year and a half ago, but anyway, the thing is
that I was, uh, working, they were talking about the fact that, and they
wouldn't mind me telling you this part.
I know I'm well enough to know that they would, that they would freely
give you this information.
They, um, were struggling with the fact that they used to love what they did.
And then, um, oh, well, I forgot.
She's, she's already said who she is.
So I can tell you, uh, it's Lori, Lori Jess.
Remember she actually just recently did a live.
I didn't know if you've been on, um, on the rest intensive today, but she posted
a live today, Lori did, and, uh, about, um, about the fact that, you know, she
was struggling this past weekend and really an unrest and, and, and a lot of
anxiety, and then she walked her soul through healing and just kind of submitting
itself to the spirit and it calmed right down.
And she's like, oh my word, this is just amazing.
And of course she knew how to do that because of course, you know, we've, um,
I've walked her through all of that kind of thing before.
And so she remembered.
And so she's like, yep, that's right.
That's what I need to do.
I need to be, you know, controlled my own soul anyway.
So that was what her live was today.
So that's the lady anyway, year and a half ago, she made, she made a post
about the fact that I had talked to her.
She'd reached out because she, um, did photography and she's a very good
photographer and she started doing it when she was young.
I think she was even in high school.
I don't even think she was 18 yet.
Anyway, people recognized her talent and they started hiring her.
Well, she did it just for fun.
She just loved it.
And then people started hiring her and she's like, oh my word, I can't believe
that people are hiring me for something that I just love to do.
This is great.
You know, this way to live life.
So anyway, she's doing stuff.
And, and then over time, the demands of other, of, of the
clients started getting to her.
In other words, she wants to please people.
You start to get so used to pleasing people by what you're do naturally that
you start to focus on the fact that they're pleased.
So if they're not pleased, you think, oh, well, what do I need to
change in order to make them please?
And so before long you transition over to, okay, what do I, what do my customers
want, and then start dictating your actions based on what it is that you
believe that, that will, will sell.
Well, you believe how you believe that what you believe you can market.
And she said that she noticed that the joy just went out of what she did.
She didn't find it fun anymore.
She found it a drudgery.
She found that she was like dreading it.
She's like, I used to love this what's going on.
And I said, and so we talked through it.
And I told her, you know, what it is that you,
that I just mentioned to you.
And she's like, well, how do I get out of that?
And I said, well, what I recommend is I said,
you need to find you again.
Oh, that's what the thing was.
She was finding that she was, her creativity was stifled.
She couldn't, she couldn't,
she was struggling to come up with like creative things.
And, and she's very creative and she was struggling.
And so I said, cause she's wondering,
what should I do to spark it?
I said, you need to forget about what other people want.
And you just need to step out in faith
and in what the fact that the Lord created you
good and valuable and significant,
and that you have a contribution,
that your spirit needs to express itself.
It's true, very, very unique self into the earth
because you are what God provided to the earth,
to the family around you, et cetera.
And so you were what it needs.
So you have to give it what it needs, which is yourself.
So you have to, you have to focus on, on that.
And because that's what it is that they need,
not what they think they need, but God got,
they said that they presented their needs to the Lord.
And of course the Lord knows what it is that they need
because he created them.
And so he gave them her.
So it's like, so you just being you
is what it is that's needed.
So find you again.
And so she was wondering, well, how do I do that?
And I said, well, this is what I recommend.
Just do something fun for the heck of it.
What sounds fun to do,
not what do you think will get you a lot of likes?
You know, if you post on social media,
cause she wanted to do a YouTube video about something.
And she, I said, so don't think about like,
will somebody else like this?
Will they enjoy it?
Would it be useful?
You know, what is something
that you want to show someone else
and you want to enjoy
and you would enjoy the actual process of doing the video?
It is, you're simply recording yourself
doing exactly what you want to do.
And I don't remember what it was.
I don't remember if it was like making,
it wasn't making bows,
but it was some kind of a craft thing,
some kind of a craft thing that she really enjoyed.
And she just thought it would be fun.
So she got on there and she just, you know, interacted,
you know, with YouTube and all of that
and showed him how to do that.
It went viral.
Wow.
Yeah.
So she's just like,
Ashley, I don't know what to do.
See, you just need to be yourself
because here's the thing.
It wasn't anything photography related.
She doesn't sell what she was making.
She just thought it would be fun.
Just like, and so I said,
do something that lets you enjoy you.
So what would allow you,
what would you do?
Like what action, what activity?
That's the word I'm looking for.
What activity would you do
that allows you to step out in faith
that what God says about you is true and enjoy that?
And then by doing that,
you'll start discovering things about yourself.
You'll start reconnecting with that aspect of yourself
that's very naturally creative,
that isn't being dictated to by the needs of others.
And so, like I said, it went viral.
Now, I'm not saying that everybody who does it,
you know, it's gonna go viral,
but what the Lord was wanting to do was show her,
hey, look, you know, you have stepped out in faith
and I want to affirm
that you were heading in the right direction.
This is what I want you to do because you're good.
You know, I've created you
to have this amazing contribution
to come to express your creativity into the world.
And I don't want you to be afraid of it
because if you're afraid of it,
then you're gonna stifle your creativity.
So I want you to explore it, to enjoy it,
to let it out and mess around with it and have fun.
So anyway, so I was just telling this other lady
this the other day,
and so she's looking in the rest intensive
that is currently in there.
And so she's looking to see what it is that she could do
because she was expressing the same thing to me.
She's like, you know,
I just don't feel like I'm doing the things
that I want to do.
I said, well, then do it.
So what do you want to do?
So I asked her and she kind of starts coming up
with all of these reasons about why it's,
she's been held back,
like why she hasn't done it thus far.
And so I just told her, I said,
I said, disregard all of those as valid reasons
for you to not be able to enjoy you
as if all of those are reasons
for why you aren't like good enough to spend time on,
to just have fun and to do something.
So anyway, it could be for you, it could be a hobby.
It could be exploring.
exploring ideas for a job,
like something that maybe you just really enjoy doing.
Like, would you enjoy doing what it is that you do now?
Only you'd like to work for a smaller, you know,
private company,
or would you like to work for a bigger company?
Me, I was always fascinated by the really big corporations.
And that's what I wanted to do.
I wanted to work with very, really big ones,
which was a lot of fun.
So I worked with the,
I worked with small, medium, and corporate.
And I enjoyed all of them for different reasons,
but there is something in me that loves corporate.
I don't know.
I surprised myself, but,
and so I just,
so that's what I would just recommend is
you just kind of think it could be like exploring ideas
about different jobs and not disqualifying them
for why that won't work out or why, you know,
oh, that's dreaming too big or whatever,
because you're really,
the point of the exercise isn't to figure out,
especially for the thing like the job.
The whole point of the exercise at this point in the game
is just for you to stop stifling your desire
so that you can finally get right,
get back in touch with what makes you really happy.
And in other words,
kind of like open this Pandora's box of possibility again.
And so when the, when we open that,
when we open up the opportunity for possibility in our lives,
all of the sudden we start moving into,
all of a sudden new things start happening.
New opportunities start coming to us
that we didn't ask for.
And then sometimes it makes us brave
and be courageous enough to step out and try something.
Or finally, we can hear the Lord telling us
to actually do something
that we hadn't heard him tell us to do before,
because we're opening up the realm of possibility, you know?
And then as far as like hobbies,
I would recommend stepping into those.
Like find something,
and you don't have to commit to like anything.
You don't have to commit to doing anything for a month,
have to buy a whole bunch of like,
oh, well, I've just wanted to do horseback riding lessons.
Well, you don't have to buy a whole month
of horseback riding lessons, just one.
And invest that in yourself.
Like, because you're trying to spend time
allowing the life within you to flare up
and to be energized and to just be alive,
to allow part of you to just come alive, you know,
that spirit and to just start
to become more familiar with it.
So, and then it'll become easier to make decisions
and it'll become easier and more clear
to know certain things about yourself,
what it is you desire, et cetera.
And it'll also become clearer to hear God's voice
because your mind and your perspective is more open
as opposed to rigid.
Like, well, and because when we get rigid
as far as like our desires and whatever,
we also become rigid as far as like the,
our expectations of how God is likely to,
how we're likely to be able to hear God
or what he's likely to say.
Everything just, our whole world just becomes small.
And also that means that not very many opportunities
come our way either,
because we've just kind of like,
the New Agers refer to it as,
it's an actual real principle in the spirit,
but the New Agers refer to, how do they refer to it?
I don't know, they, I don't remember,
but even they recognize this,
that if you have decided that things are small,
we're actually making a choice that it is,
and creation is, we're telling creation, basically,
you're only allowed to interact with me like this.
But if we open ourselves up,
then it's like telling creation, hey, I'm open to more,
and then more opportunities
start presenting themselves, et cetera,
because we're giving that authority in our realm.
And anyway, so, and then of course,
the thing that the Lord can,
and the spirit can start moving more freely.
And yeah, anyway, so, so what are your thoughts?
I mean, do you have anything that comes to mind
of things that you could kind of like,
explore or play with, or,
and, you know, spend time daydreaming about,
and just enjoying the fun of the curiosity,
and the discovery,
and then something maybe even that you could
step out in and start trying,
because-
I've got a closet full of potential in there.
Yeah, I know it, I know you do.
And you know it too, that's exciting.
I'm glad you know that, Julie.
So, no, I love that.
I, you know, I never choose me.
I always choose.
is like all the exceptions or all the negatives, like what, you know, reasons not to. So no,
I like that. I need to explore myself and, you know, and allow God to show me my, my uniqueness.
Yeah. Yeah. That's what opened me up more and more to finally be able to hear the Lord and
be able to choose some at deeper levels is I chose me first. In other words, I chose
what he said about me. I chose that I was valuable the way that he said that I was valuable.
And I chose that before I even chose that he was as good as he said that he was.
And as weird as that sounds, because really I'm in order to choose that you're choosing that God
is as good as he says that he is. But I couldn't, I couldn't grab a hold of that by itself. For me,
it was a lot easier to grab a hold of an anchor point of like, okay, well, you know, he's,
if he says that I'm good, we'll then, and that I have good things that come about of me.
Well then let's explore things that helped me come alive. And maybe because I just felt very
connected to it. And so it felt like I could kind of like grab it a little bit easier. I don't know,
but I did that for a solid six months before, and just started exploring things and taking really,
making really big decisions and taking some risks, taking big risks, both in business and
personally, et cetera, before God revealed the deeper stuff to me about like identity, et cetera.
And, but so that was my gateway. So I've wanted to recommend that to people that are struggling
of like, well, I'd like to get closer to God, or I'm really not sure if I'm in rest yet or whatever.
And they're just having their, their kind of where it is that they are based off of their
background and their experience. They may not, they're just struggling to kind of hear and step
into things yet. It can be because there just feels like this deficit in which they've ignored
themselves for too long. And you, it's yourself that has to make the choice. And so if you don't,
aren't connected enough with yourself, sometimes you're making a choice. Sometimes maybe that's
the struggle of like, you know, of like, well, I don't know. I feel like I'm just kind of here and
I feel kind of stagnant. I don't feel like I'm just moving very fast or I'm not where I hope to
be by now or whatever. Could be that there's just some time and attention that needs to be paid
on, on honoring who it is that God made you to be. And that, and remember that what that is doing
is, remember what I've said is that if you are struggling to come into agreement with God about
something, come into agreement with him about something else. If you can't do that yet, that's
fine. You're just not there. Come into agreement with something like, and so for maybe you and maybe
other people, it was for me, the agreement that I could come into that I, that I find it was a
huge risk. Oh my word. It was so huge. I thought I was risking my relationship with the Lord,
but I could choose it easier than I could choose that he was good, that he was provider,
that he was protector. I could choose that I was, um, uh, that I had that maybe my desires were
good and that they weren't all bad, you know, and that God could let me, God could delight in them
and I could be allowed to pursue some of them and he enjoyed them, et cetera. And so I grabbed
ahold of that. And like I said, for me, it was six months. Now I'm not saying it's going to
be six months for someone else. My point is that I really, it wasn't just kind of something that I,
it was like this little fly by night thing. No, I lived like that and continued for six months and
continued to pursue thing after thing, after thing, after thing, after thing, you know,
deeper levels. And we'd get up and would, and live like that all day and then go to sleep and then
wake up the next morning and live like that all day. Okay. What is it that I want? What is it
that I want to pursue? And I'm a, I'm a driven person. I always come up with new things that
I want to do and things that I want to learn and things that I want to press into. And, um,
anyway, so I would just, I would just do, uh, those things to anyway. So it took,
so after six months for me, I don't think it'll take other people that long, but for me, it took
six months. Um, finally, the Lord started talking to me about identity and started talking to me
about other things because I was in such a deficit of having ignored myself too long.
So maybe that would be helpful to you and give you a bit of a stepping stone because you're
coming into agreement with God at the level, at, with, at some point in your life that you're not
something that, you know, with something that maybe you're struggling with coming
going to be able to do that anymore. And I think that's really important. And I think that's
to agreement with him on something else.
He's just excited.
You're coming to agreement with him on something because you're believing
as opposed to, well, you're not believing this, but you're believing this.
And this is what he's excited about.
He's like, okay, she chose me.
She chose me more and in a greater way than she did yesterday.
She's choosing this.
So she's believing me in this.
So I feel loved because she's loving on me because she's believing me.
So that kind of thing.
So that's what I would recommend.
And so this other lady is doing that as well.
She's, um, uh, she's looking into it and pursuing it and been thinking about it.
And, um, so I'm looking forward to hearing her update, but, um, anyway,
so that's what, something that I would recommend is it gives you something
to actually move forward on as opposed to, well, you know, I don't
really know what's going on.
Maybe I'm stagnant.
Am I in rest?
I'm not in rest.
This will maybe give you something to kind of grab a hold of like,
okay, this, I can understand.
Am I, am I getting excited?
Am I feeling more life in me?
Am I thinking about things that I enjoy?
Am I actually thinking about and trying to make possible doing
the things that I really enjoy?
Am I like looking things up on Google and actually buying a ticket or, or
buying the thing or, or going to like, it could be free, like, you know,
committing to go to this book club and then putting it on my calendar and that,
yes, I'm going to, you know, do this and I'm just, I don't know, whatever.
So, um, or I'm going to do a YouTube video and you go on and you do the
YouTube video where you go learn something and whatever, but whatever it
is, it will take risk of you, like putting yourself out there.
In other words, you actually trying something and, um, but know that the
whole point isn't succeeding.
Like in other words, getting it to accomplishing a particular thing.
The whole point is you enjoying yourself that will, that will
strengthen the spirit within you and make it more alive and
make it more familiar to you.
Um, and that will, and then it's something that you can, and it'll be
stronger and you can start building on it.
Um, and it'll yeah, because the spirit grows when it's, uh, when,
when it's acknowledged, um, is where does that sound?
It's like, it's, it's honored and it's paid attention to, and it gets.
It, it, um, we're, whenever we do that, we're giving it a bigger role in our lives.
The soul is letting it in a bit more.
So anyway, but so what are your thoughts?
No, it sounds good.
It does sound something I can move forward with instead of just
sitting and waiting for him to show up.
Um, yeah, I know he's there, but I'm like, it's supposed to be easy.
I know.
Well, this is something, like I said, that you can grab a hold
of and actually move forward with.
It's something that you're coming into agreement with him about, you know, as
opposed to getting frustrated or aggravated or annoyed or whatever that,
well, you know, you're, you you're trying to come into agreement with him over
here, but you know, nothing seems to be like changing, et cetera, or, you
know, whatever it is you're thinking.
You pick something else and it is, it's still coming into
agreement with him about something.
It's still believing him when he said X, Y, and Z.
And then you're acting on it because faith without works is dead.
So if you don't act on it, it's not really faith.
So that's why I was saying, so what is it that you can do?
So do you like really love books?
And so you joined a book club or you're like, oh, I've always
wanted to do horseback riding, but I've always been very nervous.
Just one lesson, pick one lesson.
And for me, what I always would do is I would always pick it this, the soonest
so that I would, I, it would, um, uh, put that, so as less, I wouldn't
allow myself to lose my nerve.
I would make myself do it.
And, um, I would step, I would, it's almost like a step of, it
would allow me to obey faster.
Because I'm stepping into it.
In other words, I'm putting works to my faith as fast as possible
as opposed to well, two weeks from now.
No, it's like, no God, this is how serious I am.
Here I go right now.
And so, um, that's, those are the types of things that I would do.
I, and even my husband has noticed that, that, that about me, that I
have a tendency towards doing that.
And he calls it very, he's like, you're very spontaneous sometimes.
I'm like, I have learned now part of that is just my personality, but what
I was, but I had to learn that that was okay to step out into, but that was me.
So I'm very good at acting out on my faith, um, very quickly because
I've learned got to do it now.
not count, can't like get myself, give myself any time to like talk myself out of it. And
it's like, no Lord, I'm serious. Here I go. Anyway, it's very, and it's very helpful.
And you actually move forward spiritually faster. So, but anyway, so maybe you've come up with some
things that you could do or explore. I mean, I want to travel, but I always like,
come with me, come with me. So maybe I might try it by myself.
That's a great idea, but it's actually a really, really, really good idea. And I don't know,
it could be in whatever it is I would recommend doing something that would, a lot that would
make you do it now is in like, okay, well, I'd like to do an overseas trip, but okay, well,
that would take time. So you could do something that, okay, well, it only take a weekend
and it's close enough that I can get there, but it's a place I've never been.
And I get an Airbnb or I get a hotel room or I get a something. And then it lets you do it
without it interfering with work. In other words, it gives you the experience and gives you something
to actually do now, as opposed to talking yourself out of it by making it this big project. Anyway.
So that's one thing that maybe you could do. I mean, you would know better than me about like
what travel means and looks like and what, what, what that is me. I love traveling by myself.
I know that that might sound weird. I love traveling by myself. I'm not usually looking
for people to please come with me. I have enjoyed traveling with other people before.
And last year I traveled for six weeks with people. When I was overseas for three months,
six of those weeks, I was with other people and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was a lot of fun,
but I'm telling you what I think that I was happy. Oh, wow. Yeah. I could be wrong. I could
be wrong. Maybe not. There were pros and cons to both, but anyway, I just, I love it because
then I can kind of like, I was like on this faith journey with the Lord of like, and then whenever
I felt something between me and the Lord, I could act on it without being slowed down by other people
who had to be on board too, or whatever. Anyway, I loved it. I love traveling by myself. And then
of course I drove around all around the United States. I've done that twice, at least twice.
I didn't run that. I don't know. Then it twice, I guess, in two big trips and once,
yeah, once, I guess about a year apart, I suppose. Anyway. And just because I wanted to,
you're saying that you wanted to travel. That's what I wanted to do. So I did it. Now I asked God
and it made sure that he was good with it. And I was like, I think that he's saying, yes, God,
I think this is what you want. So I'm going to step out and start taking action in this area.
I'm going to start in step one, and then, okay, well, Lord, how do I sense in my spirit that
you're responding to that? Do I still feel freedom? Okay. Well then the next step. Okay.
Am I still feeling freedom, Lord? Are we still doing this together? You know, because it was
always, you know, me and God doing it together, not, okay, am I doing something in God? Are you,
are you looking on me and approving? It was always, okay, what are God and I doing together?
Because he and I are living my life together. It's not me living my life. Me and God are living a
life together. I no longer live, but Christ lives within me and we are together. And so it's like,
okay, what are we going to do? Okay. Well, let's travel. Okay. Well, how would I do that? I was
like, well, I happen to know a lot of people let's pick somebody and call him and say, Hey,
I am on a road trip coming through your area. And I was wondering, could I stop by in state and, um,
and visit with you? Yeah, Ashley. Absolutely. And so I was like, I just head out. Okay, here I go.
And then, um, and then I, and then while I was making pro well, I was like packing or on the road
there, or while I was there, I get the next place. I'm like, okay. I I'd like to go visit so-and-so
and I'd ask them, Hey, you know, whatever. So that's what I did because partly what I was doing
is I was ministering as I went. So I kind of used it as, Hey, you know, so-and-so can I come visit
you? Because these were people who had wanted me to visit them and I was going to be ministering,
you know, et cetera. So that's how I did it. And then sometimes I would stay in a hotel
or whatever, but, um, anyway, and then I just kind of, I did not have a plan. I had a general plan.
And, but that was because that was only after I contacted enough people
that I got a general schedule.
Joel of when I was going to be where based on their schedules and Hey, we'd
love to have you this week.
Oh, actually, we'd love to have you this week.
So I did that, but anyway, so that's how I did the whole.
I want to travel thing.
So anyway, but that's, that's what I chose to do, but mine was a little
different because I could work from the road, but my point is it
wasn't this big, huge planned thing.
It was just, here we go.
And so I sold all my stuff.
That was, that was one of the things I started selling my things.
Okay, Lord, how is this scene?
Well, the Lord had already told me to sell my things, but while I was doing
it, I was still sensing with him.
Okay, Lord, how does, how is this feeling?
Are you still moving in this direction or do I feel a shut door and I now need
to move in a different direction or has a new opportunity come up, you know?
So when we quote unquote, like make a decision, we're really just, it
really is just giving us a direction.
Um, did I ever talk about that?
No, I don't remember the direction part.
Okay.
Oh, oh, let me get this piece of paper here.
So it was something that I haven't actually taught on in a while.
Um, and it was just, and it's just basically this idea here where, you
know, say that you're here, you're here and then, and then you get this goal here.
And the whole point of the goal is just to give you a direction.
But the thing is that if we get really, really, um, stiff and we
decide, no, this is what I want to do.
And then we just head this direction, you know, come what may, then sometimes
the winds of the Holy spirit opportunity or whatever, let me do this, start
coming in and start kind of like bending us off the path and you know, like kind
of, and then we so often feel that, Hey, things are getting in my way.
So I'm just going to work harder.
Well, sometimes it's just the Lord, you know, because the whole point of
the goal is simply to give us a direction.
So I always recommend to people that when they get a goal that, that
then start pointing themselves in that direction, start moving in that
direction, and then to forget about the goal, and it doesn't mean
you forget about it completely.
It just means that emotionally you start to let go of it.
And it's like, okay, this is the direction that I'm heading.
This is still kind of sort of the goal, the plan, whatever,
but it may not end up there.
It may end up looking different when I get there.
You know, I may end up, you know, just kind of like moving around.
We do this cause I'm right-handed, you know, moving around this way,
moving around that way.
And then I might start doing this, start doing this, and then
I can end up way over here.
And then, and I didn't even know when I headed out that this was even a
possibility, but now that I'm here, I love this so much more than this.
But see, I didn't know that, but I, I got here because I allowed this to
do this here to just send me in a particular direction.
And then I just stayed, I just stayed flexible with the Lord, constantly
asking him, okay, Lord, you know, how, how's your spirit feeling?
Is it still feeling free Lord?
In other words, do I feel still an opening from you to continue in this
direction, or do I feel like the winds have changed a bit now we're going to
be doing, we're now going to be turning to the right a little bit.
Now we're going to be turning to the left a little bit while you're walking.
You're, you're, you're moving in that particular direction.
You've already taken steps and you're still taking more steps, but how did
the steps going to start end up changing?
So this is what I always recommend to people to do and their lives are, and
all of our lives are just so much richer that way they're more fun.
I am telling you.
I would have not that the way that I, the plate where it is that I've ended up my
place, the way that my life looks like right now, who I'm married to, um, where
we live, um, I don't know just what my life looks like is simply because I got
a particular direction because something sounded fun and I just had it off.
And then I just would ask the Lord, you know, okay, Lord, how's, because
I'm doing life with you, Lord.
How's this, you know, are we still good?
Is it still this direction?
And then I would just change and alter course.
And then I just learned sometimes.
Okay.
Like for instance, I was overseas and, um, and everything was drying up and all
of a sudden, you know, I wasn't, the money wasn't coming in to send me to new,
to new cities and I was like, well, Lord, but you had been doing that.
And it stopped.
Why is it stopped?
And I went home feeling like a failure.
I thought, Lord, am I, am I not believing you?
Is there something I don't understand?
I cried.
I knew God hadn't left me.
It was that I felt like I'd broken something.
It's broken something in my relationship with him and I didn't mean
to, and I didn't know how to fix it.
And anyway, so what ended up happening is I came home and I thought, okay,
this is the new direction.
direction that I'm in. I, where am I going? Where am I going now? I thought I was going
to go overseas a lot longer, but now I'm back here. Okay. So I'm back here now. What am
I going to do? I'm going to pick up the rest intensive again, and I'm going to start teaching
again. Like, cause I had done, I had, I'd like spent like a three months, three, four
month hiatus. And, um, and so, and then I thought, you know, I'm going to start traveling
again. So I, um, I headed out and started, you know, connecting with people. Hey, can
I come, you know, visit you? And, oh yeah, we'd love to visit you. Okay. Well, how's
next week? You know, it's such a Thursday. Yeah, there's, it's great. Okay. Well, I can't
wait to see you and anyway. And so I just had it off before I knew it. I ended up here
last year. Um, and on my, on my circle, um, through the unit, through, uh, through the
straight up the middle of the United States and then over across the top and down, I was
coming down and was going to go full circle back to make sure that I was home by, I don't
remember if I was getting, if I was aiming for Thanksgiving or Christmas, but anyway,
so I was coming back this way. I've come here. I, you know, I get to like a South Carolina,
which is where I am now. And then made up with my friend because, you know, Ed, you
know, because it's just like, well, I'm here, Ed, and we need to, we haven't visited in
a while and we need to visit in person. So you come see me and I'm staying at our mutual
friend's house and we, we connected. And then while I was there, I thought, ah, Ed, I'll
go see, I'll go down to Morningstar because it's a hotel and I have another conference
to go to in Jacksonville, but I've got some days in between. So I'll just come visit you.
And he's like, well, you know, that's fine. I don't know how many, you know, how much
free time I'm going to have. Cause I'm really busy putting on this bowl of profits. I said,
oh, don't worry. I'm very self sufficient. I can just entertain myself. I just kind of
need a place to crash for a while. So I'll just get one of the hotel rooms. So I came
and before we knew it, we started dating. I'm like, not expecting this. And under, and
my whole point in telling you that is that was, uh, let's see, July I was in Naples.
Yeah, no April, May, June, maybe it's June. Oh man. What was it? Is it June or July? I
think maybe it was June, the end of June. I w I don't know why it seems like it was
July though, but the end of June, I was in Naples, Italy crying because I had to come.
I don't, I didn't know what I had broken, but I felt that I'd broken something in my
faith or something. And I had to come home and meaning back to the States and felt like
I came back with my tail between my legs. Well, that was the end of July. And by September,
October, wait, no, that was the end of June. So July, August, September, October, by the
end of October, I had traveled around the United States again, finally started, finally
met up with, um, with, uh, some people from the rest intensive. I had never gotten to meet.
So in started making like really good friends. I stayed three weeks in Pennsylvania with a
group of them. And then, um, and came down reconnected with Ed and before I, in four
months after I had been in that hotel room in Naples, uh, my strength, my faith was rebuilt
because I had been on the road yet again, even though I was in the United States, I was on the
road again, still living by faith where the Lord was having to provide for me every step of the
way. I had amazing opportunities and amazing things happen before I knew it at the end of
August, at the end of October, I'm dating for the first time. And then of course he and I ended up
getting engaged in, in April and getting married in June. So I had no idea when I was in that hotel
room that literally less than a year later, in other words, 50 weeks later, I would be married.
God had to bring me back for that. I was planning on being gone for, through at least Christmas
overseas. And here it was the end of June. And I felt like I'd already failed.
And God's just like, no, actually you've got, you've got things that you need to do. And then,
you know, I've got, you know, I want you to, I've got plans for you to get married. I know what
you're going to do, but I didn't know that. So anyway, I, my, my point is that even when
things seem to like blow us off course, and we think, look, this proves that something's bad.
Well, come to find out God's like, no, you need to come back. You thought that it, that success
and making your goal and doing something right in your relationship with me was to keep going,
you know, to, to stay overseas longer. And no, that's not what it looked like. I wanted you to
come back. And I wanted you to host rest intensives, you know, and teachings and,
and consultations and all kinds of stuff for the next several months. And then.
eventually start dating your friend, you know, and so I
didn't know. Anyway, back about like failure. So the thing is
the things that sometimes like blow us off course in like,
where it feels like we'll have a goal. And then we get we get
kind of hit sideways. They're not always. They're not always
they don't always feel positive. They don't always feel like, oh,
this is an even better opportunity. That's blowing me
off course. Sometimes it feels like we're blown off course by
something horribly negative. That makes us feel like we
failed. And God, you know, is just doing stuff in the
background. So. So anyway, I've just give wanted to give you
that idea in case it's helpful about just the whole point. The
whole point of all of this is the journey anyway. It's not the
goals. It's not getting somewhere. The whole point is
just is the traveling is it traveling meaning like the
journeying, the enjoying of it, the enjoying of yourself, the
enjoying of you and the Lord. That's the whole point. And
anyway, and so if also if we get focused on the destination and
on the goal, not only do we miss it, when God tries to tell us to
start moving in a different direction, but it means that we
also aren't enjoying the journey of enjoying God, or enjoying
ourselves. So because we're focused too much on as we're
making a thing and a destination more important than
us. And the enjoying of us. So anyway, is that what are your
thoughts?
No, I needed that. I really appreciate that the visual and
then yeah, just because you're getting blown off the path is
not even if it's a negative feeling. It's not negative, you
know? Yeah.
Mm hmm. Because God always got something bigger and better and
more exciting. And everything always leads to more love and
freedom, even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment. But I so
I just wanted to tell you that, that to just encourage you, that
thing that, that your life is that free. Just not only do you
not have to stay here, but you can dream about something else,
start heading in a particular direction and just be asking the
Lord throughout that time. Okay, Lord, so how is this? Do you and
I still want to be doing this? Do we still want to be moving in
this direction? Because now we're on step three towards it.
And then you just kind of like follow it. And just just enjoy
it. And you'll discover so much about yourself along the way. And
so much about your desires and so much about the Lord and how
good he is and how much fun he has with with you exploring what
it is that you want, trying to think about what it is you want.
Anyway, so life becomes so much more fun when you just when you
don't know what's going to happen. And you're just living
life every morning, waking up, just having fun just living it.
That I've thoroughly enjoyed. I have loved it. And that's where
all of these wild opportunities have come from. I mean, now I
work at a at a at work, I live at a ministry that is known by
some people, but but it's kind of like considered to be the
Bethel of the East Coast. And then now Rick Joyner is the head
of it. And so Rick Joyner is the one who wrote the fame, a lot of
those famous books, I think he's read written like 50 books or
something like that. But one of them is the final quest and the
harvesting is one of the foremost known, like prophets of
today, and that kind of thing. Well, I didn't, I didn't really
know about him other than as the author of this book. And anyway,
so I mean, I'm now here with, with all of these people. And,
and I'm just like, this is such a wild opportunity to be in a
community like this, of such strong prophetic voices and, and
then to get to meet such neat people and just be exposed to
different I some interesting ideas and different theology and
whatever. And anyway, I didn't, I didn't ask for it. It just, I
just like was just following the Lord. This sounds like fun, Lord,
this sounds like fun. Can I follow this? And he'll be like,
yeah, and I'm like, and, and somehow I just kind of ended up
here. And right here is just a, it's just a path to something
else. So I'll be going from here to something else and just have
another really neat opportunity. But it was only when I finally
let go. And I finally, I finally began to enjoy that there might
be some fun things in me that could be
paid attention to and noticed and enjoyed and, and like followed up on, like actually acted on some
of the things that made me happy. And, um, anyway, it's, it's made my life big and I'm shocked at how
small that it used to be. And that used to feel, and I just had my little bitty group of friends,
which trust me was not many. I just could like count them on. Like I literally only had maybe
two or three friends in all of DFW. I mean, it just, and, and everybody else I really wasn't
keeping up with. So I really just had like two or three friends and then I have my family and
that's just not a healthy place to be when you're in your mid thirties. It's just not. And, uh,
anyway, so I just, um, uh, I went from that to now, you know, traveling all of a sudden,
you know, started, uh, two years later, I was traveling the world by myself.
So I just went from there to there now, not every night, but I'm trying to think
was that, I didn't know. I was going to say, well, it's two years. I was wondering if you
could even say that was one year, but I don't know, two, one, two years, but anyway, so I just
wanted to give you, um, all explain all of that to you is hopefully for you to, to, um, uh, take
a hold of as, um, in an exciting way that things are, um, that, that life is possible to be lived
so much more free and fun and not so did I get it right? Am I getting it right? Am I doing it right?
Am I hearing it right? You know, there's more, there's more grace. There's more freedom. There's
more fun. There's more flow. There's more movement. Um, it's not a static. It's not as
cumbersome. It's not as heavy. It's not so much, there's not as much quote unquote, right. And
wrong. Sometimes it's just like, well, that's not right or wrong. It's just, it's just, I don't
know. It's just an action. And so which one does God want you to do, you know? So, um, but anyway,
so did you have any thoughts or questions or anything? No, I'm, I'm, I'm happy. I'm happy
with my, I'm happy with my homework. Okay. Good. Good. Well, I'm glad because it was supposed to
be very happy and, and all about freedom and everything that we all want to hear that we're
enough and like, Hey, what is it that you want to do? Go think about that and then try to make it
happen. Yes. So anyway, yeah. Well, thank you so much, Ashley. I appreciate it. You're welcome.
And, um, I don't like to put any pressure on people or anything, so I'm not going to tell
you like, okay, now pick something by, by Thursday, but what else is Monday? Like pick something by
Thursday and let me know. But just, just kind of put that in the back of your mind of kind of like,
okay, you decide when that time is and you, um, and I, and I would love to get to hear
like something that you've decided to do and that you actually just went out and just
made yourself do it. And so, and, um, if that's, if that's helpful or not, because I would just,
like I said, I don't want to put pressure on people. Um, I always want people to feel safe,
but I also kind of want to give them something that if they, that, um, I don't know that might
kind of help them, um, feel like, um, almost like that they have permission to actually now
go do the thing as opposed to, oh, it's a possibility out there. No, it's like,
I want them to feel, grab a hold of, of my excitement for them as permission to then go
do it. And then I personally would love to hear about it, but yeah, no, no, it's encouraging. Um,
yes, I will plan something short shortly. Yeah. I'm excited. In fact, speaking of that,
I need to check in on that other friend too, with the rest intensive and check.
What have you decided? Yeah. Are there any other people in Texas? Like, and then we kind of like,
I totally forgot where everybody is. Um, when we did a little thing, like anybody else in Texas?
Well, yeah, there are, um, but there's not any that are like in the current active group. There
are in the lifetime members group though, there are two people. I have actually connected Kim
Wheeler with a couple that has, um, that has done one of my past rest intensives before.
Oh yeah. She mentioned that. Yeah. So I've connected them and there's another,
and I actually connected her with another couple, another lady as well. She and her husband,
but I don't think that they and Kim have gotten together, but she's part of the lifetime members
group. Her name is Renee Davidson. So she's in the group. If you go to go look for also.
Amy Davis, uh, not a Davis, Amy Hayes.
She's in DFW.
She is an Allen, I believe.
Okay.
So it's pretty far from probably where you are.
Where are you?
I'm in Bedford.
I'm right between, um, Dallas and Fort Worth.
Okay.
So yeah, it's an hour.
I used to live in ULIS off of one 21 in Glade.
Yeah, right there.
Yeah, just right there.
You know, where all of those shopping malls are now that I'm like, oh, this
would have been so nice when I was here.
It was not that built up when I was there, but, um, I was there maybe.
I left there 10 years ago.
So it's built up a lot since I was there, but it was, it
was such a special apartment.
I was there with my dog, but anyway.
Um, but, uh, so Amy lives in Allen and Renee Davidson lives in
prosper, um, you know, just way out there.
Yeah, it's like North, um, like in between Denton and Allen.
So it's like way up there anyway.
So she's in prosper and I'm trying to think of someone else.
My sister is in the rest intensive Audra Holsworth and she's in Arlington.
And yeah, and that's all that I can think of at the moment.
But, um, I think you'd like my sister.
She, she is very different from me.
You just go on the, on the group and just look her up and you'll be
like, that is your sister.
Like, yes, that is my sister.
Um, yeah, she's, she's the one with all the tattoos.
That's just not me.
She's the, all the fantasy novels and all that is just, that's just not me.
Um, but, uh, anyway, so all of those people are in TFW.
Anyway, there's a lot of people in the community, you know, like, um, I don't
know, people who are really trying to learn and stretch more into what God
has for us, the sense of God in our identity, a sense of God, there's a lot
of this, a lot in DFW and that's a lot.
Yeah.
Not all in the rest intensive, but yeah, there's a lot.
And some of them are like, you know, what they refer to as mystics and like
follow certain people, certain like teachers, you know, and they're
different pockets of groups.
And, um, so a lot of those teachers end up coming to DFW because there's so many
people, there's so many groups of people.
So, oh, okay.
But yeah, but, um, the people that I mentioned are the people in the rest
intensive, so, okay.
No, no, no, no, no.
I meant like in our current one, so not in the current one.
No.
Um, I'm trying to remember where is everybody.
I mean, obviously it's just, it's Georgia and Texas and Illinois, California.
Yeah, that's right.
There's California, Montana.
Oh yeah.
So everybody, yeah.
Casey's in Montana.
I'm trying to remember where I'm missing somebody.
Sicily is in Kansas.
Sicily's in Kansas.
So anyway, but yeah, everybody's kind of, I hadn't thought about that.
I think everybody's a different state.
Yeah, they are.
Oh, wait a minute.
Except Kate, Kate and Christine are both in California.
Kate is in Redding, you know, in near Bethel and then Chris, I
don't remember where Chris is.
I don't remember why I can't remember where Chris is, but anyway,
maybe near the San Francisco.
I don't remember San something Bay.
She was just talking about it.
But anyway, yeah.
Well, it was good to get to visit with you and I hope that you were
encouraged and, and I'm excited.
I think that it will, um, greatly, you know, this is what helps me with
my breakthrough was to, uh, was to do stuff like this, like, what do I want to do?
And then I would try to start doing those things.
I would check with the Lord, make sure I wasn't hearing a no, you know, and,
and, uh, but I wasn't hearing the Lord very well back then.
So, and I was kind of mad at him.
And then I would just move forward, but, um, it's always best if you hear a,
hear a yes and your freedom and here we go, but anyway, so, all right, well,
I'll let you go.
It's good to see you, Rita.
You too, Ashley.
Thank you so much.
All right.
Bye.