I can hear you but I can't see you.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, there you are.
Okay.
Hey, is it yellow doesn't yellow.
Yes, but it always does.
The light bulb.
Yeah, it looks like yellow, gray, green sometimes it's kind of interesting.
Position of the camera.
How are you.
I'm good. How are you doing good.
I'm good.
Did you have anything you wanted to start us off with tonight, or like,
how are you doing.
How are things going.
I don't remember if this is our last session or if it's like, no,
it's our second to last session because you've got another one.
Friday.
Okay.
Yeah.
So after our session,
I decided to do like an in house garden.
And I couldn't find it. And so I stayed up late doing that.
And then.
Doing what.
Kind of fine.
A fun thing to do.
Place to travel.
But everything's.
Yeah.
So I guess I decided to do like an in-house garden.
Yeah.
Yeah. Like, like an herb garden or like just in pots and stuff.
That's neat.
An apartment.
Okay. Okay.
And so you've got some access to some light.
You know, for the herb garden stuff, you know,
where you're going to put it.
A little bit.
I don't know.
Do I need a lot of light?
I don't know. It just depends on the herbs. I mean,
I don't know if I need a lot of light.
I don't know if I need a ton of light.
I don't know if I need a ton of sunlight.
And the other herbs I don't know.
But yeah.
Yeah.
I'll figure it out later. So when I work, actually gave me some.
So I can read it and try that way.
Right.
Well, I'm excited for you.
Thank you.
That's a fun thing to start with.
Yeah.
I am. I had a, I like.
Plants, but,
but I didn't know how to do it.
And so I was like, okay, well, I'll do it.
And so I came in and Ed and I got married.
And it just never happened.
Oh, yeah.
I could do like the cold.
The coal plants, like, you know, pansies and things like that.
But I'm just like, no, I've just kind of got.
Other things to do net right now. So in fact, what I did just now,
I put a little, I say a little.
A cabinet to go in the bathroom.
And we're not going to put it over the toilet,
but it's one of those that you put over it. You know, it's about.
I don't know about two feet high and about a foot and a half wide.
And it's got three shelves.
And so it's got plenty of room in there.
So it's bigger than a medicine cabinet.
It's like stuff that you've like.
You know,
I've never been able to get a cabinet that's that big in my apartment.
So just that little bitty thing I am so
ridiculously excited about.
Because right now we have some things in drawers that are sitting on
the floor of the bathroom because it's just what he had.
And I'm like, no, no go. We're going to get a little white.
I've got that to like, start fixing stuff up.
So that's my little project these days.
Yeah.
Well, thank you, Ben.
My goodness, you.
You put in your, since we talked to last,
you put in your two weeks notice and got a tremendous raise.
Exciting.
What was your, what was your journey?
Like going through all of that, getting to that, going through that.
Well, before that, like I had just like,
I was like, I don't know.
It's not fun, but you know, whatever.
Right.
And actually.
Somebody had put in there two weeks.
Like a week before.
Yeah. And I was like, yeah, they got the right idea, but yeah, just.
I guess I did kind of get sucked into some drama at work.
Yeah.
And then by when.
or like, you know, it wasn't planned, like, them even like
offering anything. Yeah. But, um, and then, yeah, like, I
posted, um, I just, I was fine. Like, I was at peace with it.
I'm like, the Lord's gonna take care of me. But then everybody
else is like, well, what about this and all these worldly
things? You need this, you know, it's not a wise decision. It's
hard to like, get employed if you're unemployed. And I was
like, okay, whatever. But eventually, it started getting
to me. And I mean, it's only within a day's time, like, by
the next day, like, by Friday. So two days later, they offered
me, um, you know, big thing to stay.
Wow, that's crazy. So how did you feel about the about the big
thing? I mean,
I just, I almost thought it was unbelievable. Like, there's no
way. I was like, there's no way they would do that. So I and my
boss even tried to go bigger. I'm like, what are you really
trying to get me here or get me? That's, that's why I'm like,
she, you know, she loves she loves people, but she is about
business. So I don't know. So all these negative thoughts
started coming to mind. Like, she said she was leaving. And
then she said she's not and then she is. And I was like, she's
playing with my emotions, or at least she was trying to. And
then, you know, when I started to say I was leaving, then that
started, that added to it, too. So a lot of drama.
That's what it sounds like. My goodness. Anyway, well, well, I
am so excited for you. And that, you know, that, that you got to
Well, let me ask you, what did you feel like your journey was
with the Lord light during that time? I know that you said that
you found you had peace when you did it? Did you feel
direction from the Lord? Or did you just build an opening to do
it? Or, you know, what was that whole journey like?
Well, I feel like when I kind of made that decision, and like the
few days afterward, I wasn't really connecting with him. That
makes sense. And then when I just said yes, because they gave
me the offer. And then I was just like, Oh, my God. What did
I? Why am I say? Yes. I mean, I know I'm saying yes. But I guess
I, I am doing enough, or I guess I am validated. Yeah. Yeah.
That sounds like you're very much wanted, which was Yes.
exciting to have that affirmation. You know, yeah. You
have your word, your value. And so that's great. Yeah, but I
didn't really start to like, experience him or really seek
him until after I made the decision. Like, yeah, I was
just felt like a heavy, like, I felt it in my chest again, that
anxiety. And, you know, I cried a little bit Friday. And then
like, Saturday, I finally got all of the negative things out.
I let my soul have it. Yeah. Good for you. Yeah. And I didn't
realize that's what it was. And now it was good to get it out. I
told my friend, I was like, Yes, I got all of it out because we
had an hour drive. And everybody else is going to be a positive
thing, because I really just need to, you know, process it
later. And I don't want to just, you know, put all this bad stuff
on it. And then I was actually at Kim Wheeler's house, her and
her husband had their own little living water. So they were just
teaching and I was just trying to focus on my oneness. And I
could feel him and I could feel like, yeah, you know, new, new
word, new revelation, just just feeding my spirit. And then I
was like, Lord, how do you? How do you want me to sleep? Because
I've not been sleeping well. And he told me to go get my
weighted blanket that's been in the closet. And I slept for 10
hours. And it was very nice. That's great. Yeah, because ever
since I think Tuesday night, when you gave me that
assignment, I was like, I haven't slept. And then woke up
and I asked him, I was like, What do you want me to do? And
then I went and let him bring me out. That's, that's what I say,
just like, get all the negative things out with him. And he put
in the right things. And so that's wonderful. And that was
Sunday. Mm hmm. That's great. Well, I noticed a huge, what is
today's today? Monday. So yes, this was yesterday. I noticed a
huge difference in you last night. Just huge.
Cause I mean, you didn't even say anything.
I was just watching.
I'm like, oh my word.
She's so different.
It was like, you remember how I'd seen you as if you were just, you
were restrained as if you were bound.
I didn't see you in a straight jacket.
It was that kind of an idea of like, you were just bound.
It was like self-inflicted, you know, smallness and restriction.
And so this was the opposite.
This was, you had opened and you were, you were excited and you felt more freedom
and you felt more secure.
And anyway, so I was, I was absolutely thrilled where it sounded like that you
were felt like you were last night, you know, from what you'd just been through
and been able to see and experience the Lord, um, you know, just that he's got
good things for you that he, you know, looks, um, he looks lovingly and kindly
towards you and that there's not everything to hope for, um, you know,
in the future with him and all that.
So I'm very excited.
Thank you.
Yeah, I am too.
I'm like, oh, and even when I'm talking to people, I can tell like
when it's flowing out of me too.
Yes.
Isn't that amazing?
Oh, I'm excited.
Yeah.
So, uh, was there anything that you wanted, um, you're thinking about
wanting to go over tonight or, I don't know, ask or I don't know, kind of muse
over or, um, I don't know why I never have questions.
But then when anybody else asks questions, I was like, oh yeah, that'd be good.
That's that's me too.
That's my problem too.
So I don't, yeah, I guess I just, I guess I want to know.
So the next steps is really just continuing to like seek my desires and seek him.
And I mean, I kind of read, I tried to hurry up and read your post, um, how
you were encouraging me.
Um, to just, um, be with him more, or I guess I don't mind if you like expand
on, or just tell me what you posted.
I didn't remember.
So, okay.
Nevermind.
Because, well, no, I can look back.
It's just that I don't remember off the top of my head.
I'm assuming, um, let's see.
Uh, let's see here.
Maybe it was here.
Um, was it, oh yeah.
Okay.
Just keep presenting yourself to him and allow him to show you that he
is what you can't see that he is.
Um, in other words, you can't always, you know, actually see it, you
know, it's the evidence or whatever, but you allow him to show you what
he is that you can't see that he is.
Receive it as truth first, and then let him reveal himself to you.
He will dismantle those lies and you'll be free because that's what you were
saying that you were doing is that you were going to the Lord and then just
letting your soul yap, you know, and bring up the, and then God began to,
uh, God brought a teaching to you.
So you felt peace.
She's still on.
Okay.
Oh, I, I sat, I listened and sat with him and, and oh, did he render my heart?
He told, I told him he was safe, even though I was being wrung out and I
didn't stop it and I didn't run away.
So that's what I was saying.
That's great.
Because you were choosing that.
If he said that he was a safe place, you were, you were choosing to believe
it and then act on it by staying there because it's safe.
Well, then you'll stay there and you won't run away.
So that's what you were doing.
And you said you didn't stop it and run away and you just sat and let him tell
me who I am to him.
And I said it so I could hear it.
That is great.
And then I loved how you mentioned that he's so wonderful and lovely and kind to
bring me to the truth, no matter how unpleasant that it feels.
That was great.
So, yeah, I was very, very excited for you because, so in other words, you were
doing it, you were, you're taking those steps, you're allowing the Lord himself
and, and presenting yourself to him.
You're allowing him to reveal to you who he is.
And there's a way in which you're presenting himself, presenting yourself
to him, choosing that he is who he says that he is, and then just wanting, and
then just presenting yourself to him in a way that he can like show up and he can
reveal himself, but not in proof, but rather in to prove it to you, but rather
after you've chosen to receive it, you've chosen to already to put yourself in a
position, so to speak, where, where he, where you're relying on him to be who it
is that he says that he is, in order for him to show up like that, because
you're no longer trying to create it and provide it for yourself.
So anyway, I thought that that was great.
Um, so did you have any, so did that help clarify, or did you have any more
questions about that or what, how that works or no, that helped it because
you said, yeah, when you say a lot of issues and a lot of things, I was like,
wait, which helps.
Yeah.
That he is.
He says that he is.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
So I was just, it was just commending you that you were having
faith in it and then acting on it.
He says that he's safe.
So you're going to choose it and you're going to choose it to the
point that you then act on it.
Meaning that you put yourself in his presence because if he's safe, well,
then you're going to put himself yourself there and then you will allow him to
show up however he wants to, and then allow his presence, his love, his
character, to, to change you, to transform you, to topple those lies, to
reveal in stronger measure, the truth.
And that's what will change everything.
And that's what, that's so much of what it is that I did as well.
That changed things is I was just making these very basic choices of what God was.
They weren't complicated.
They weren't all of, they weren't nuanced.
Oh, well, he's this and this and this.
It was just like the big things.
He's safe.
He's love.
He's good.
He's protector.
He's provided those things.
And I would just continue to go back to him as those things, thinking
if he is that, what would I do?
How would I interact with him?
And then when I treated him, when I believed him to be that, and I interacted
with him as if he was those things, then I began to change in all kinds of areas of my life.
He began to show up and reveal himself more and more to be those things.
And then began to kind of like flesh out what all those things mean.
What does it mean if God's protector, what does it mean if God's provider?
So he took his character and he began to manifest it in multiple areas of my life.
He began to manifest that provision, that protection, that safety,
that goodness, that love, whatever.
And all I'm doing is I'm choosing the big things.
And I'm presenting myself to him in faith that he is those things.
And then just waiting to see, well, how does that, what does that look like when it shows up?
Because I don't get to choose because again, I choose his character and that he is that thing.
Not that he shows up in a specific way.
Not that that character shows up like, oh, well then he'll do these things in my life.
I get that up.
I was just choosing what he was and then was watching to see how we was that thing into my life.
Not was he going to do these things for me?
Right.
And so that is what made, so in other words, it was very simple.
I wasn't presenting specific things to him all the time of like, well, God, you know, how are you going to meet this?
And we'll go, well, what about this one?
Or what about this relationship?
Or what about this situation?
And it was, it wasn't a presenting the kingdom's principles and wanting to know, okay, God, what is your response to that?
What's the kingdom response to all of these specific situations?
It was more just, I just approached him very broadly.
And so that's what I was commending you for what it is that you were doing.
That's what you were doing.
You weren't presenting these, you weren't focused on these specific pain points.
Like, okay, well, God, who are you compared to these pain points?
What, how are you going to fix this pain point?
What are you going to do about this pain point?
You're just like, okay, forget the pain point.
God, who are you?
I'm going to act on that.
And then to watch, to see what areas of your life that he wants to touch and be who he says that he is, that you're trusting in.
How does he want to be that thing into those situations?
And then what is it?
How does it affect those situations?
How does his character end up changing them or affecting them or whatever?
But, um, so the reason I was commending you for that is it's very hard to do.
It's hard to choose God, um, and faith in these big generalities of his character, that he's safe, that he's good, that he's loving, he's a protector.
When we're, when we're tempted to think very detailedly and specific about specific pain points that, that as if God is only as good to us as how he can meet our specific demands.
And instead you were abandoning the demands and choosing him instead.
And that will make all of the difference.
And that's very difficult to do.
And so you were giving, you were sacrificing and giving up and releasing and letting go of the details and the specifics and releasing God of being accountable to you for how he.
handle them and instead just choosing him. So I was saying that was great.
And if you keep doing that, that'll change everything.
And then God will continue to expand his character to you,
continue to reveal that to you.
So you'll learn more about who he is and you'll step into more of who he is.
And then he'll start manifesting that more of his character into your life.
And then you see even more of them, you know? And, um, so yeah,
it was a really, really big deal. What it is you were doing.
No, no, I appreciate that. Cause that helped flush out
the pain stuff too. Yeah. You know, that, that he brought up.
So just continuing to choose him and not even focus on
those, those things coming up. Yeah. Yeah. Well it's, and you know,
it's not that you can't present those pain points in those,
in those things, Tim,
it's that you don't ever want to throw them at him in the
accusation that they are more important than he is. And then he is,
and then you want him to address those. Like, like you require you emotionally,
your, your relationship with him,
you were emotionally requiring him to answer you or to, to whatever.
You can present them to him like a child, like, Lord, this hurts.
And can you tell me anything about it? Can you give me any comfort?
Can you give me any direction, that kind of thing? And so that's fine,
but we don't ever want to focus so much on the pain that we're focusing more on
the pain than on God.
And we're making the pain and it's resolution or it's solving
of a problem as more important than just God and us learning how
to be a, one of his sons, like, like, well,
who is he and who does he say that I am? And how do I step into that?
How do I mature in that? How do I live like that?
We want that to always be more important than the other.
And if we're always,
if we're abandoning that to focus on all of these other things,
all of the time,
and always being presenting those things before the Lord is that that's the only
thing that God is good for to us in our world,
then that's the problem. And,
but if you can keep a healthy perspective on it,
on the pain and not be choosing the pain over God, well, in it, yeah,
you can present all those things to Lord, talk to him about it or whatever.
Some people though,
can't hold the balance and they're so hurt that they
can't,
they can't think about and hold the pain before God without accusing him
and without choosing the pain is more and it's resolution.
And God answering them about what happened and why
and whatever they can't,
they can't hold the pain before the Lord without choosing it over him.
But if we're choosing him over the pain, and then we just present it, Lord,
you know, could you address this or Lord, what do I do with this or whatever?
Well, that's fine. He just, you know, even Jesus did that,
but see Jesus never sinned. And so just like in the garden of Gethsemane,
he told the Lord what it is that he wanted. He wanted to,
he wanted the cap cup to pass from him and he agonized and he struggled,
but Jesus never sinned. So in other words,
he never made the choice of the pain and the avoidance
of it over God himself,
but he still talked to God about it and told him what it is that he wanted,
but he didn't use his pain and accusation against the Lord. Like, God,
I want you to address this.
I'm emotionally holding you accountable for addressing this and like telling me,
you know, why you did this to me or why you're requiring this of me,
or, you know, just whatever.
Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so it's very good learning to be like Jesus.
So, um, what else, um,
has there been anything else that you've been thinking about or anything that's
been coming up with other people's questions or how's life like going,
you know?
Well, I don't really have much else going on, but sometimes work.
Well, I don't really have much else going on, but sometimes work. Yeah.
Got one kid out of the house and he's good. And then the little one,
I think he's avoiding me, but they do it at that age, 13.
So I always see 13 and then the older one, 18,
18. It's in college.
That's interesting. I didn't remember you had to, I thought you only had one.
Mm. Okay. Um,
I don't know if the one started staying with me around that time.
Yeah. The other one that stays with his father. Yeah.
The older one stays with his father.
No, the older one was staying with me. Oh.
And then he moved out to college and the little,
the little one staying with his father. Yeah.
Okay.
So, and how, I don't remember the story.
How long have you been divorced?
2011.
Okay.
So quite a long time.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
Well, is the father in town to y'all?
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
City.
Well, that's nice.
Yeah.
How does he need to get to see your, you know, seeing your kids and, and
swapping and stuff like that is, um, it's closer, that's really.
Um, it's much nicer than being in separate cities and stuff like
that, having to travel then.
Yeah.
That's just hard to handle the children.
So, yeah, I don't see how people do that, but yeah.
So anyway, um, well, I think, I don't know.
Um, uh, do you, uh, is there something, I don't really.
I don't really get, I don't think I really have an imagination.
I feel like, like, I can't see things except maybe in a dream.
Okay.
But other than that, I can't like the, like visual, visualize things.
I can think of it, but not actually like visualize it, if that makes sense.
So when you close your eyes, you can't visualize something
that you're thinking about.
You can't visualize the story.
Oh, okay.
Fascinating.
Okay.
So what happens generally speaking is that everyone can do that.
Um, and it's just that as they grow older, some people, some kids
learn to start shutting it off.
Because they somehow they just start, they don't either feel safe or they're,
or they're told that whenever they're playing and they're using their
imagination or whatever that, well, that's just not real and it's whatever.
And so they begin to kind of stifle things.
Um, so, I mean, who knows?
I mean, maybe that's what kind of happens somewhere along there, but, um, so one
of the exercises that I have heard of, um, I've always had a really good
imagination, so I didn't need this exercise, but this person that I was
learning from about like how to visualize Jesus, you know, on the screen
of your imagination or whatever, he would work with people that didn't know how
to visualize that were that their, their imaginations weren't as strong.
And, um, for whatever reason, they were like, well, how do you do that?
And so the way that he would do it is he would, he would tell them, okay,
well get a real, just memorize your room, you know, just really memorize it,
you know, take a look around at everything you said, and then close your
eyes and then repicture that room.
And then that will help begin to kind of like strengthen your ability to see
things in your imagination.
And then what he has people do is he said, and then you ask yourself, you ask Jesus,
Jesus, where are you in the room?
And then just see where he appears.
Did he appear in the corner?
Did he appear on the couch?
Did he appear standing on top of the table?
Where did he appear?
And then that'll begin.
And then you see what he does.
You watch this, which is a jazz or, um, uh, or you put yourself in the room
and that he didn't say this, but I'm saying this, you know,
if you don't want to be the observer and you want to actually see yourself,
you can put yourself somewhere in the room and then watch yourself do something
like decide, okay, that's, I'm going to walk.
I'm going to walk over to the couch and I'm going to sit down or I'm going to
walk across the room and do dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, or I'm going to say
something, you just kind of like, uh, you can kind of like practice like that.
But the biggest thing is actually not even including, I don't want to say
not including yourself, but not projecting onto the screen, but rather,
uh, uh, the best thing is to just sit and observe to see what happens because
then the Lord will actually reveal things to you that way.
So just kind of like, you know, you get a picture, you know, you memorize
your room and you close your eyes and then you repicture your room.
And then you ask Jesus where he is in the room.
And then you see what he does.
Does he will, first of all, you recognize how he's dressed because he could appear
in like a white shirt and blue jeans, or he could appear in his, um, you know,
his single, single woven, uh, cloth, you know, robe, maybe with the sash or
with a code or something, and, um, you know, like from the Bible, um, or he
could appear like some other way.
I mean, I don't know, maybe he appears in swim trunks.
I don't know.
The Lord can do whatever he wants.
Point is you see that how he presents himself and then you just, and then you
watch to see what it is that he does.
Does he walk over to you?
Does he hold his hand out to you?
Does he beckon you or does he just stand there and look at you?
Or does he look at the couch or does he go sit on the couch or you, so you just
kind of watch, watch to see what he does.
And then that, that is one of the.
ways in which God interacts with us in a way that allows us to anchor, um, anchor
our understanding too, is we can see it, we can see it on our, in our imagination.
So it, um, anyway, so that's what I would recommend doing as a practice is using
your, and that was based off of that other man's exercise, just memorizing
your room, close your eyes, picturing it, and then asking Jesus where he is.
And then just watching him, watching to see how he reveals himself to you.
Because what I did is, um, when I was first doing this, and this is before I
heard about that guy's exercises about like, just because my imagination was
very prolific, I had just used my imagination for my whole life.
I'd kind of like escaped into my imagination whenever I
needed to escape real life.
So I always kept it fresh and going.
And I thought everybody did.
I thought everybody, um, maybe daydreamed as much as I did.
Um, and then I've come to find out that no people, not everyone does.
The thing is that what I was doing before I heard that guy's exercises is, um, I
had heard about closing your eyes and, uh, probably through, I was through Chris
Blackaby, you know, closing his eyes and imagining he was in heaven, et cetera.
And so I thought, okay, let's do that.
So I closed my eyes, imagined, you know, and then looked for Jesus, found Jesus,
and then would watch him to see what Jesus would do.
And one of the, and one of the ways that Jesus taught me how to handle those
situations is I would, I would see him.
And if he all of the sudden shrunk, then I knew that what had happened was that
was his response to me projecting onto what was happening instead of simply
observing, it was like, I want him to do this.
I'm in manipulating my imagination to see it play out in a specific way, or I'm
trying to pull something emotional from it.
Like I want to him to love me.
I want to feel love.
So I'm going to make him in my imagination, love on me.
Whenever I would do stuff like that, he would shrink immediately.
And what he was basically showing me is these, like, Ashley, you're not
allowing me to be as big as I am.
And I can only present myself to you in a limited form that you are, that you
were projecting onto the screen, so to speak.
So I thought, oh my word.
So he did that.
He did that more than once where he would shrink.
And then I would reel and he would teach.
That's how he would teach me the difference between how it felt when I
was observing versus projecting.
And because when he would do that, I would think when he would shrink or
something, I think, okay, what did I do?
How did I do that?
How is that different than the other times where I've used my
imagination and he was doing things?
What was different this time that he shrank?
And I would notice the difference in how I was feeling.
And I noticed, okay, that was me.
That happened after I projected onto what it is that I wanted to get out of the
experience instead of simply observing it.
So, um, anyway, that's how I began to figure out the difference between
observing versus projecting.
And then I could stop projecting and just would observe.
So, and then God would begin to reveal things to me that way.
He began to talk to me and show me things because I would
just stand back and observe.
So yeah.
Anyway.
So that's what I would recommend.
That's what helped me learning to exercise my imagination.
Yeah.
And allowing him to, um, just allowing him to, uh, to use your
imagination to communicate with you, to show you things.
Yeah.
So yeah.
Yeah.
And the less that you.
It's not that projecting onto your imagination is bad, but what you don't
want to do is you don't want to project onto your imagination when
God's trying to show you something.
You're not trying to make something up.
There's, there's a good, one of the things with our imagination
is that we can be creative.
It's like a sandbox.
You can just play in it and just like make up all kinds of stories.
And that's where, that's where, um, book writers see their stories
was on their imagination, you know?
And so they're seeing all this stuff and then they're like, well, what
if we have a character do this?
Well, what would that look like?
And so they're seeing all of this in our imagination and
they're manipulating us.
Some of it.
And there's nothing wrong with that, but we don't ever want to manipulate
or project onto it when it's Christ, your God, you know, we always
want to allow the Lord to do that.
Or is it, or when God's trying to communicate something to us, it's
just back and just observe.
serve and watch and don't like decide what it is that we want to get out of it and manipulate
what we're seeing in order to have a specific experience. We don't want to do that. So yeah.
But yeah, that was a really good question. And do a lot of people that you know, are
they, are they always talking about using their imagination in the, like to see the
Lord and, and that's what prompted you to think, Oh, well, how do I do that? Or why
am I not doing that or something? Or? No, I just feel like he's still not showing up
like for me to see him. I'm not saying, yeah. But no, I don't know anybody else. That's just
like trying to have that face to face with him like that. Yeah. Well, how do you experience
him? Like the other day you said, Oh, well, I was with him and he began to he began to remove
the lies and play some truths and stuff like that. How did you know he was there? How did you,
how do you connect with, Oh, that's him?
Mm hmm. Well, I feel like
I can put it this way, like drunk in your head or kind of like floaty in there,
like very light. Yeah. So very light that way. You know, especially when I feel
when I'm speaking, you know, truth to people or I guess his word that he wants to share with people.
Um, but specifically when I'm crying, just crying. Yeah. Otherwise I don't really.
So you sense the Lord a lot when you cry. Oh yeah. That is great. How do you sense them when you cry?
Um, well just sometimes just when I'm worshiping him, just like waterfalls out. But when I'm like
getting rung out, I just feel it here. And he's just like digging in there and just trying to
get it out. And I'm just like, yeah, that's so fascinating. Yeah. You sense them so deeply when
you cry. Um, it's possible just because you're having fewer inhibitions and that you are, um,
and your acts and you're more vulnerable and you're just allowing yourself to be open. And so
you can feel his presence and feel his, his working around and you, um, because you're open, you're
more open and vulnerable in that state. You're making yourself so, and not everyone does that
because a lot of people, when they are crying, uh, when they're in a, in a position, when they're
struggling to the point, you know, that they're, that they're crying about whatever it is you're
crying about and they, um, sorry, I just got my hair done today. And so it's like really slick
and it's like falling down anyway. But what they do is they, um, uh, they shut down and they get
tight and they, and they, and they put like an iron wall around their heart. And so it sounds
like you're doing the opposite, that you're more vulnerable and more open, um, when you're crying,
which is great. Absolutely. Perfect. Because that's how that's because the Lord wants us to
come to him when we are struggling the most or the most vulnerable things like that. Uh, in fact,
I remember him telling me one time he said, yeah, I was going through a time where I was very, very
mad at him. And, um, I mean, so mad I was in so much pain. And he said, and this was probably
like, I don't know, 10, 14 years ago. And I told him, I was like, Lord, um, uh, or no, no, no. God
told me, he said, Ashley, I understand that you're mad at me. He said, and that's fine. He said, we
can work through that. Yeah. This is just, just face you're going through. We can work through
the fact that you're mad. Um, because for me, it wasn't just like a little, it wasn't a moment.
It was a season. I was in, I was just mad at the Lord for some things. And, um, and he said,
Ashley, you know, you can be mad at me. He said, that's fine. He said, we'll work through that.
He said, I won't abandon you in it. And because you, because he said, you're fighting me. You're
like wrestling with me. You're not turning your back on me and like getting mad at me.
You know, while you're separated, he's like, you grabbed a hold of me. You're like,
kind of like David or not David, sorry, Jacob wrestling with the angel. He wrestled with God
in one, you know, it's that kind of a thing. And, and so God's just like, that's good. He said that
can do. In fact, he called the name Israel, remember, which is the name that God gave Jacob,
means he who wrestles with God, he who struggles with God. He literally named his people. He
renamed Jacob. And then that renaming became the name of this whole, of his whole first born
son, which he called Israel. That name of Israel means he who struggles with God.
That's what God identified them as. That's what God called him. So that literally not only he,
but every other person, whoever says the name Israel for the rest of eternity, every time it's
written in the Bible, every time God calls out to Israel, every time one of us says it,
we're literally repeating over and over and affirming and decreeing into the earth,
he who wrestles with God or he who struggles with God. So God values that because we're not
abandoning him. We haven't left him. We're struggling, but we're struggling with him.
And so what he told me is he said, Ashley, I understand that you're struggling with me. He
said, and we can work with that. It's like you and I will do this together. I will be with you
and I will not abandon you. He said, however, whatever you do, don't shut me out. He said,
when you're struggling and when you're mad, do not shut me out. And I, and as mad as I was with
the Lord, I heard him and I was like, okay. And anyway, so I, so I just commend you for that.
I think that that's wonderful because he does love that. It's very precious time to him is
when we're struggling, but we struggle with them. You know, we're wrestling with them because
we're bound and determined because it shows that we value the relationship.
We're trying to work it out as opposed to just, um, not allowing it to develop any into anything
intimate because we're simply like wanting to just be peacekeepers or we just was simply
abandoned him like, no, even though there's conflict, even though there's differences
of opinion or whatever, we're wrestling it out. We're bound to determine to get it worked out.
And so he really values that. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I, before I'd be like crying,
I'd be like, okay, that's enough. And then I'll kind of avoid it for a while. So yeah,
I can see what you mean by shutting him out. And yeah, that's really great. Yeah. So, um,
um, uh, so what are your quote unquote next steps? Where are you thinking of like, what are you,
um, uh, where are you right now in your journey with the Lord and in, you know, in light of all
of this stuff of like rest and having faith in him and whether or not you trust him and,
you know, just kind of like, where are you right now in that journey? What are you
Um, yeah, I wanted to receive the word that, uh, I am immortal. I'm limitless. I mean, as he is,
so am I. So that's, that's a teaching I got. And I was like, Oh my gosh. Yeah. Where did you get
that? That was from, uh, uh, Kim. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, did she speak a word of prophecy over you?
Is that what she was saying? No, no, no. She was just teaching us like, this is what the Bible
says, you know, and then she, you know, she's sharing what her and her husband are experiencing
and things like that. And so it's exciting. Huh? You'd every Sunday. No, no, no, no. They
haven't, they hadn't done it over a year because they were building their house, but yeah, we had
started it. Um, yeah. Yeah. I didn't realize y'all had been that long. I thought that y'all
been keeping up with it every week. I didn't know that it'd been a year. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
He's helping once a month, but it, you know, holidays are coming. So it'd probably be like
once a quarter, but yeah, it's okay. Yeah. Well, he goes, um, or how many, yeah, me, Kim and Tammy.
Um, so Tammy's going to be reaching out soon if she hasn't already. Yeah, she has. Yeah. Um,
so, uh, all three of us were in a community group for, yeah, like over seven years now.
Yeah. Maybe six, something like that. And, um, what about Mary? Is she in y'all's group anymore?
She is, but she's not going to do the living water because she married, uh, a religious guy.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You know, and so she had to choose, or she felt she had to choose.
Yeah.
She'll do the social side of the girl thing, but she won't do the
church or the, you know, the gathering.
Yeah.
Sorry to hear that.
And then, uh, we picked up another Kim and then, uh, Tammy sister,
Tammy sister's brand new.
The other Kim's been doing it with us for a while.
Yeah.
She, you know, she has similar, um, journey, you know, just spending time
with the Lord and actually having a real relationship, so she's
experienced a lot of same stuff.
As, as who?
As, um, I guess just us when we're trying to like encourage others to spend the
time with the Lord and like how God's revealing, you know, he's so much more
than what we even know and yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Great.
Yeah.
Well, so, um, I don't know, is there, uh, um, I don't know.
Is there anything else you can think of that, that, that you need or that
you've been, um, questioning or do you feel like you're in a good place and
that you've kind of got like lots of meat to chew between you and the Lord
of like, um, like lots to kind of like pursue and press into him about, or,
um, learn to have faith in and actually live it out or I mean,
question, I mean, I feel like it's all, you said it's kind of like all the
same stuff, but he just brings you to different levels or different
situations to you about choosing him and his goodness, regardless of
the circumstance, that is really, that's really hard.
Yes.
It's very hard.
It is very challenging because we're so used to looking at the situation
to determine who God is, um, as a result.
And so that's very challenging.
The biggest, um, thresholds that we cross and choosing him very
powerfully to be who he is, is when, is when is what we often think of as
like often are like our darkest times or times, you know, the most struggle
where there is no evidence that he is that thing, none, and we make the
choice that he is not that we are willing to believe it, not that, okay.
Well, you know, I hope, or maybe one, you know, uh, maybe, maybe if I choose
him, well, then eventually he'll prove it to me.
No, it's like, you just make the decision that that's what he is.
And it feels like you're denying reality because you're literally in a situation
that looks like it's proving that God is not that thing, like not just kind of
like, well, I can't see that he is the thing.
No, it's like, not is what all of that looks like.
And, but in reality, and so, but what it is, you choose that if he says
that it really is reality over the reality of what it is that you're
experiencing, you know, here on earth, what the, what the evidence is trying
to say, that is the most powerful time to make the decision.
And it's, and it's because it's the most difficult, it's not an easy times
that are the most powerful in making the choice, even though it is still
a powerful place to make a choice.
It's not the most powerful.
The most powerful is when it looks like God has been proven to be the opposite.
And anyway, it's just fascinating.
Again, you're proving you're, you're claiming that he is the thing.
You're not claiming that it'll manifest in any specific way.
So, but yeah.
Yeah.
That you're choosing that God is provider and that you are safe and
that you are taken care of, even if he doesn't give you the
money in time for the deadline.
That's the most powerful, um, times to make those, those choices.
That's when, uh, that's when the kingdom of heaven overpowers
the kingdom of this world.
And, um, and it makes a difference.
It's almost like it creates a, uh, like a tectonic plate shift in the spirit or
in the, like the metaphysical realm in there, that type of decision to make
that type of, you know, like choice.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
So have you seen your angel or angels?
I have not that I'm aware of.
Wait a minute.
I have, but I didn't, um, I saw it last year, but I didn't see it in any specific shape.
I just basically saw that there was mass that was more highly concentrated and it
was standing beside the side of my bed and it came up and over me.
So it's as if I, you could see like mass everywhere, like in the air.
And then it was more highly concentrated in this figure that didn't have a shape,
but it was like this more concentrated area of the room that came up and over.
And I immediately knew it was my angel because I had been telling, I had just
always known since I'd been in that room, that that was where my angel
always was when I was asleep.
I just knew it.
And, and, um, anyway, uh, I wish I knew how to describe the fact that I like, I
just knew it, but it was just this sense that like, well, of course he's there.
That makes sense.
And, um, anyway, but I remember seeing him, in other words, seeing all of that
mass more highly concentrated and realizing, oh my word, he really is there.
And he's really huge.
And I, I remember being so scared and thinking, okay, this is why it says in
the Bible to not be afraid because you're afraid and then I, and so I told.
I told the angel, I thought, Ashley, this is your time.
This is your moment.
You have to acknowledge him.
You can't be afraid of your angel.
You know, he wants to be acknowledged.
So I just said, hi, it's nice to meet you.
I don't know what I said.
Like, I remember saying something like, hi.
And then that's all I remember.
I said some other stuff that, you know, thanks for
protecting me or something.
I wanted to acknowledge and honor what he was doing, but I was so scared.
Like all of a sudden you realize, oh my word, it's all real.
It's all real.
But what about you?
Have you seen anything?
No, no, I just, yeah.
Yeah.
Kim brings it up and then another friend that I've, I've met and she's,
she's exploring that stuff too.
Oh, okay.
Well, that's cool.
Yeah.
Um, yeah.
Anyway.
Well, have you enjoyed the ladies in the group?
Oh yes.
Yeah.
I wish I was brave to do videos, but I know we'd love to get to see them.
Yeah.
And, um, I'm going to have to figure out how to put your video on just so
that you will have had a video on there.
No, it's way past due.
I know it is.
I'm so sorry.
It is past due.
I it's, I think that what it was doing, it was downloading in the background
and I kept thinking it won't download.
And then it downloaded it twice.
Anyway, I'll have to, maybe I can find it or something.
We'll see.
Um, I'm glad that you're enjoying the ladies and there really are very great.
And I'm always grateful for all of the groups, all of the people that, that
come in the groups and that, uh, that I've, you know, the rest intensive
that I've done, and I'm always really.
Grateful that the Lord allows such special people to be involved because
it's a really, I try to keep it as a very safe space and place for people.
And I want, I want, um, people who are kind to others who are very loving, very
generous and warm with their hearts.
And, and, um, so I've been very grateful.
I've been very grateful for that.
Um, that they are, it's something that I've always asked the Lord for.
So, excuse me.
Um, so, um, I guess there's actually like 29 people on the Facebook,
but they're all old members too.
Yeah.
They're the lifetime members too.
So, uh, and then, so some of them aren't very active and then I think some of them.
Yeah.
So some of them are not very active.
They're all at different levels of engagement.
Hmm.
So we can continue to just kind of like do it.
Uh, no, the, uh, so y'all will, uh, not the Facebook group that was just,
that's just for the six weeks, but the, um, the page itself, the, the rest
intensive members page on enter his dot rest, that is where all of the teachings
are in all of the fireside chats and the rest groups, that's where all of that is
housed and that, um, y'all have lifetime access to is that page, but not the, not
the Facebook, the community group, just, that's just for the six weeks that
community and the other stuff is for the.
is for the lifetime.
Wait, but the six weeks, you said there's 29 people on there.
So those are lifetime members.
Like in other words, what I did is
I opened up the old group that had that when I started that
two and a half years ago, the way that I did it
was I allowed them to be in that group for forever.
So it's kind of like y'all's page of the Rest Intensive
Members page.
And I said, hey, y'all have lifetime access to that page.
When I first opened that Facebook group,
I gave those people that joined that Rest Intensive lifetime
access to that page.
That was their lifetime access.
This new page is y'all's.
And so anyway, but I hadn't reopened that old Facebook
page, I mean, that old Facebook group.
I'd always just, I mean, for like new people,
I'd always just recreated a brand new one.
And so this time instead, for the six weeks
that I would open something up, I
opened up that group, that community for people
to be part of that community for the six weeks
instead of starting a brand new one from scratch
to allow them to interact with some of the old lifetime
members and allow the lifetime members
to interact with like a new group and whatever
instead of creating a separate one.
I just opened, instead of creating a separate one
for six weeks and then closing it,
I just gave access to the Facebook community
group for six weeks.
Oh, OK.
So I'm not a lifetime member.
I just have lifetime access to that.
Yeah, to that page.
For that other, like I said, was when I started,
it would be like a year and a half from now,
me giving people six weeks of access
to y'all's Rest Intensive members page
that y'all, because of when y'all joined,
you have lifetime access to.
But like future people in two years from now that I say,
hey, y'all can come into this page for six weeks,
but y'all had lifetime access to.
It's just like the rest intensive different every time
what it is that I do.
And like for instance, this Rest Intensive,
we're meeting more often than the original group did.
So we're meeting three times a week
and the original group, two and a half years ago,
we didn't meet three times a week.
Well, we did, I think at first, I would do like teachings,
but they were lives.
They weren't communities.
They weren't where we all got on Zoom or whatever.
Those were once a week.
And then I would just pop on on lives,
like I do here on this one.
I would pop in on lives and they can pop on and watch me.
And then like comment and interact.
But so this time though, I did more like community events
because I found that people seem to really like it.
So how do I get to be a lifetime member?
I guess I didn't, yeah.
Well, I don't have anything that I'm doing right now
with that group because I haven't done any lifetime members
for like a year and a half or anything.
So that's just really kind of like an old,
I don't wanna say it's an old group,
but that group really hasn't had much activity
in a long time because even though the ladies can do it,
they haven't been active.
So I haven't opened that up for any lifetime membership
or anybody to be part of for like,
for, I don't know, for a year and a half, like anybody.
But I wanted to open it up for the six weeks
for it to kind of like house our community
instead of like I said, to do a new one.
Because I thought there's so much of the cool stuff
in the old one, people can see like,
be encouraged by like old testimonies,
their interactions with old members, et cetera.
So yeah, so I'm not really have a program
or anything for that Facebook group anymore.
It's just housing.
It provided a way for us to all interact as a community
because we can't interact on that website page, you know?
So we can do it on like Zoom and stuff like that.
So anyway, so that's what that was for.
So I don't really have anything that I'm doing right now
for any lifetime membership thing, so.
Well, I guess I just need someone,
one of the leaders to create a Facebook for our group
so we can stay connected.
I know, isn't that fun?
And the, what do I want to call it?
The every group that I've created,
well, I say every group.
Every group that I've created
has enjoyed the community aspect of it.
They love it.
In fact, it's one of the parts that they love the most.
And so that's why it was really challenging
for the internet.
national person that I have to not have a community group is
because it's such an important part, and then they just don't
get to have that. And so anyway, every time that the six weeks or
the four weeks or the sometimes it's only like a two week when
depending on how big the rest of how long the rest of the many
rest intensives were that I would do. And they would, no
matter how long they were, people liked the community
aspect of it so much that they would want to stay connected.
But no one ever did anything. They they all wanted it. But no
one would take the initiative to do it. And so
well,
then I told him I said, Yeah, you can do that if you want. And
so anyway, but no one's ever done it. And I've had a lot I've
had several rest intensive, like many rest intensive groups and
communities and stuff like that. None of them have ever
kept them up, but they've all wanted to, you know, to some
degree or another, it depends, I suppose on each group as to how
badly they wanted it. But what I'm looking to do right now is
I'm looking to do a, an advanced thing of the current rest. But
the current of the inner his rest series, I'm looking to do a
rest intensive of the last half of the series, which is of like
living in rest and like specific areas, how to operate
from how to operate in the spirit, how to heal the body and
the soul through the spirit, how to govern creation and
relationships, govern creation and business, power of
intention and goals, dreams, and promises. And so I'm looking to
do that. And I'm just trying to figure out some specifics to be
able to tell everyone about when I would be offering that to
see if anybody would be interested in doing and doing
that. So anyway,
yeah, definitely. And I think Tammy would definitely want to
do that. So she needs to get caught up.
Yeah, I know. I know. She and I were just talking. I said,
Well, I said, she said, Well, I said, Well, I'll be doing
something, doing the new one, though. And like starting like
the one that we've just finished, I'll be doing I'm
looking to do another one in January, is what I told her. And
the reason for that is that people are just all so busy
during the holidays, no one wants to commit to anything
during the holidays. So that's why I at least people with like
large families and children and stuff like that. And so I've
just noticed that the holidays isn't a good time for me to
start something the closest thing I can do is to do like a
week at the beginning of December, or to do like a
Saturday and do like a few hours on a Saturday in
December, that I can do and people will sign up for as long
as I do it early enough. But otherwise, people are all too
busy with stuff during December. So I thought for something as
intense as the rest intensive. I I told her that I would be
looking I'm looking at January and that's simply based off of
that's based off of the fact that I don't think people are
gonna want to do anything until January. And in January, a lot
of times people focus on self improvement anyway. That's when
they sign up for gyms, it's when they want to heal from old
wounds, because they just been through Christmas with their
families or, you know, whatever the thing is that things are
just kind of like highlighted to them are brought to their
attention. And they're ready to start dealing with things. I
think I don't know for sure. But I think that people are more
likely to sign up with counselors and, and just just
stuff. And so they're looking to actually start making some
progress in certain areas in their life. And so I figured
that January would be a time when people are wanting
something. So that's like the one that we're doing right now.
And so doing doing that, but the whole doing the something like
the rest intensive advanced would be that would be different
that would be separate from the January thing. And so I'm just
trying to think about like when to offer that and, and if people
will be interested and stuff. So I'm looking at some specifics
and some details on that. So maybe I'll mention something to
everybody soon about what I might have a possibility.
Okay. Oh, I have one last question is, I hadn't seen a
calendar for time with your husband.
Yes. Yeah, I haven't either. I'm about it. So he's been so busy.
He just finished
his SOP, which is a basically he puts on a conference every month, and he just finished
putting it on for this month. And so in fact, he didn't even go to work today because part
of his conference goes through a Saturday. And so he was busy on Saturday. And so he
got to take off today. And so one of the things that he told me that he wanted to do was to
look at his to determine times to be able to give everybody that they can sign up for
a time with him. Yeah, okay. Yes. Yeah. I was like, I hope I didn't miss it. If I came
on late. I know one time I can't. I couldn't find the feed. But okay. Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, it was you had signed up by October the first. Oh, okay. In fact, I think there's
only maybe one or two that didn't sign up by October 1. Everyone else did. And so most
people have that ministry time with them. So that's good. Yes. Speaking of that, I need
to get the final count and make sure that he knows how many time slots that he needs.
But anyway, so everyone's going to love that time with him. He's, he's really special to
spend that time with and he just sees a person for who it is that they are and he just has
a father's heart for people. So I don't know, it's just a gift God's given him. So anyway,
yeah, that's awesome. Well, thank you so much. You're welcome. It was good to get to see
you and visit with you. And I'm so glad that you're doing good. Yes, thank you. All right.
Well, I hope you have a good night. You too. Good night. Bye.