WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:18.000 Hello. 2 00:00:18.000 --> 00:00:22.000 Good morning, afternoon. 3 00:00:22.000 --> 00:00:31.000 Yeah, good. I'm not used to having any calls with you where it's actually light behind you. 4 00:00:31.000 --> 00:00:43.000 Over transformations, she works, obviously. And what do you, what do you do, or it's in finance or accounting or something, accounts payable supervisor Yeah, that's right, that's right. 5 00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:50.000 And finance is kind of accounting. Well, so that's the world I don't understand. 6 00:00:50.000 --> 00:01:07.000 Yeah, well, corporate finance is kind of merged with accounting depending you have your CPAs, you know, and stuff like that but yeah I mean you always are having to mess around with accounts that actor, which is just inflows and outflows and cash 7 00:01:08.000 --> 00:01:20.000 So I don't know the difference between accounting and finance but whenever I talk to anybody in that world, they get very upset if I say that they're in finance when they're really in accounting or vice versa. 8 00:01:20.000 --> 00:01:33.000 Kind of like, well, depending. There's the accounting department but for those that are like accountants, there is a big difference is like a paralegal and a lawyer, like, they have to go and get certified. 9 00:01:33.000 --> 00:01:45.000 There's a lot of education. Yeah, there's, they have to maintain their license there's like, you know, like, like why an MD wants to be an MD instead of a PhD. 10 00:01:46.000 --> 00:01:51.000 There's a lot of stuff that goes behind it, they have to continue to stay on top of things. 11 00:01:51.000 --> 00:02:06.000 I see. Okay, so I just, I don't know and I've had it explained to me before the difference and for like me I just forget. Now my mom's really good at it me that was not my world my world is not numbers, it's, it's letters and words. 12 00:02:07.000 --> 00:02:21.000 I rely on another people I prayed actually for someone that the larger bring me someone who knew numbers because I'm like, Lord, I don't I don't want to have to always do the budget with someone else who enjoys doing that. 13 00:02:21.000 --> 00:02:34.000 I'm very lost and intimidated by numbers I'm not intimidated by much, and I'm intimidated by numbers that are left a lot of knowledge. So, so we're actually catching her when she's not working. 14 00:02:34.000 --> 00:02:44.000 She had to be very strict with herself and not work 14 days in a row, recently, and had to put her foot down with herself and not do it. 15 00:02:45.000 --> 00:02:47.000 12 days in a row. 16 00:02:47.000 --> 00:02:52.000 Yeah, last week and decided okay I'm not going to work. 17 00:02:52.000 --> 00:02:57.000 Is that because of the demands of your job or because you're just. 18 00:02:57.000 --> 00:03:10.000 Well, I don't want to put the term over you like a workaholic, is it because it's, it's the close of your, you know, your fiscal year or is the demands, we've been understaffed since I've been there and. 19 00:03:10.000 --> 00:03:14.000 It's a lot going on right now. Yeah. 20 00:03:14.000 --> 00:03:27.000 Are you, are you a salaried employee a contract employee and hourly employee salary. Yeah, it's my first time having a salary job. So, yeah, so you're working 1214 days in a row. 21 00:03:28.000 --> 00:03:46.000 You know that's the same amount of money and stuff that's a lot I remember this is totally has nothing to do with our call today but I, I remembered when I was, I, we, my family moved to Florida when I was 19, and I took a job at the Marriott down the street. 22 00:03:46.000 --> 00:03:52.000 And I walked there when I started my job 6am I had to be there at 6am, so I would walk to the Marriott every day. 23 00:03:52.000 --> 00:04:13.000 And then I worked for the ranks and so when I was in banquets you at the time, you know, this is back in 1992, the base pay was like $7 an hour or $7 or $12 an hour which was a lot more than the other jobs that within it, and then you could make you know bonuses 24 00:04:13.000 --> 00:04:28.000 and stuff and we became a supervisor, those types of not bonuses but those types of gratuities could be $2,000 for a large party or so you worked a ton of hours, and you can make a lot of money. 25 00:04:28.000 --> 00:04:32.000 And then there was this entering into management thing. 26 00:04:32.000 --> 00:04:35.000 And somebody did the math. 27 00:04:35.000 --> 00:04:40.000 And when you took the amount of hours you made you worked. 28 00:04:40.000 --> 00:04:48.000 And you divided it by how much money you now we're guaranteed to make a salary because you don't seem like you were going like this. 29 00:04:48.000 --> 00:05:00.000 was actually lower than what they were making, you know, before, or, you know, you had to really make the strategic decision. Yeah. Is this if you were gonna ride it out or not because I was it's just didn't 30 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:01.840 It just didn't make sense. 31 00:05:01.840 --> 00:05:02.160 Yeah. 32 00:05:02.160 --> 00:05:05.040 Not that that's you or anything, but just what came to mind. 33 00:05:05.680 --> 00:05:06.000 Yeah. 34 00:05:06.000 --> 00:05:10.560 So her boss left maybe a couple of weeks ago, just randomly, 35 00:05:10.560 --> 00:05:13.440 just texted her and said, hey, I'm no longer coming into work. 36 00:05:14.480 --> 00:05:18.240 And when that happened, they doubled her department. 37 00:05:19.520 --> 00:05:20.960 So she had five. 38 00:05:20.960 --> 00:05:22.160 So more responsibility. 39 00:05:22.960 --> 00:05:26.000 So it's just, I mean, they were that much understaffed, 40 00:05:26.720 --> 00:05:28.960 but even that much understaffed, now they're having to train. 41 00:05:28.960 --> 00:05:31.920 And so the point is, she's still having to work all of those hours. 42 00:05:31.920 --> 00:05:35.520 So she's having to make very strategic decisions about how do I get my job 43 00:05:35.520 --> 00:05:38.320 done while keeping appropriate boundaries? 44 00:05:38.320 --> 00:05:40.480 And so she's, she's been boundaries. 45 00:05:40.480 --> 00:05:40.720 Yeah. 46 00:05:40.720 --> 00:05:45.600 So she's been making some very strong new decisions for her of like, how much, 47 00:05:45.600 --> 00:05:51.040 you know, about her based on what she's beginning to believe about her value to the Lord. 48 00:05:51.680 --> 00:05:58.560 And therefore what she's allowed, basically based on that value to create the word boundaries, 49 00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:04.880 boundaries in work and whatever, like who owns her God and her or her job. 50 00:06:04.880 --> 00:06:07.040 And so, but then how does she be responsible to her job? 51 00:06:07.040 --> 00:06:11.600 So anyway, she's making those difficult decisions, but she's, she's that anyway. 52 00:06:11.600 --> 00:06:15.840 So she's been making some very challenging new decisions and she's been very strong and 53 00:06:15.840 --> 00:06:18.080 very brave to move into new territory recently. 54 00:06:18.080 --> 00:06:20.160 So it's really big time for her. 55 00:06:20.720 --> 00:06:20.880 Yeah. 56 00:06:22.720 --> 00:06:27.200 So I know, well, that's the most I know about you right there. 57 00:06:27.200 --> 00:06:29.120 I don't know anything now. 58 00:06:29.120 --> 00:06:35.200 One it's because Ashley takes the whole confidentiality thing very seriously as do I. 59 00:06:36.240 --> 00:06:39.200 And so I don't know. 60 00:06:39.200 --> 00:06:40.720 I may have heard people's names. 61 00:06:41.920 --> 00:06:43.920 I may have heard her talking from the other room. 62 00:06:45.680 --> 00:06:49.440 I saw a list of names once it's right here on my desk. 63 00:06:50.560 --> 00:06:53.360 Or when I do the morning things, it's where it is. 64 00:06:53.760 --> 00:06:59.120 Casey, Christine, Kate, Lindsay, Liberty, Anita. 65 00:06:59.120 --> 00:06:59.440 Okay. 66 00:06:59.440 --> 00:07:00.880 All these different people. 67 00:07:00.880 --> 00:07:08.480 So, and then for me personally, depending on what vein of ministry that I'm, that is 68 00:07:08.480 --> 00:07:13.040 going to be required, I probably, it's just better that I don't know stuff. 69 00:07:13.040 --> 00:07:13.360 Right. 70 00:07:13.360 --> 00:07:16.480 So that I can kind of get a fresh kind of read on things. 71 00:07:17.440 --> 00:07:23.360 And sometimes I get like a whole download of stuff before we, you know, like get on 72 00:07:23.360 --> 00:07:26.000 a call or something and sometimes it's not. 73 00:07:26.000 --> 00:07:32.800 And so all I say is that if there's anything that I say to you, I would just say, just 74 00:07:32.800 --> 00:07:33.760 take it before the Lord. 75 00:07:33.760 --> 00:07:34.880 You don't have to take it. 76 00:07:34.880 --> 00:07:37.680 I'm not claiming to be a prophet. 77 00:07:37.680 --> 00:07:38.160 I'm not. 78 00:07:39.360 --> 00:07:44.480 I mean, even if I did or somebody, you know, you still need to go and test everything and 79 00:07:44.480 --> 00:07:45.360 bring it before God. 80 00:07:46.320 --> 00:07:48.560 And I just offer these things up. 81 00:07:48.560 --> 00:07:56.880 And for me personally, I would rather go for it and share what I'm getting than to withhold 82 00:07:56.880 --> 00:08:02.960 something because a lot of times the things that I get, not a lot of times, but they're 83 00:08:02.960 --> 00:08:07.520 often the things that I'll get that seem to contradict the image that's in front of me. 84 00:08:08.720 --> 00:08:12.400 And so for you, I really didn't get a whole lot. 85 00:08:12.640 --> 00:08:17.520 And that's why I just wanted to kind of see where you are and stuff. 86 00:08:17.520 --> 00:08:24.880 The only blips that I had before we jumped on was that I just heard business and education. 87 00:08:25.520 --> 00:08:32.720 And so that I felt like kind of told me either things that are important to you or things 88 00:08:32.720 --> 00:08:34.960 that you have a particular calling towards. 89 00:08:35.919 --> 00:08:37.440 One was definitely business. 90 00:08:37.440 --> 00:08:39.440 And then there was something about education. 91 00:08:39.440 --> 00:08:46.320 Now, I don't know if that means that there's a teacher's anointing on you or that education 92 00:08:46.320 --> 00:08:48.880 is important or that's something that you've done. 93 00:08:50.800 --> 00:08:56.720 And the other thing that I had, I'm just throwing out is that I felt that there was something 94 00:08:56.720 --> 00:09:00.160 formative that happened around the age of 14. 95 00:09:01.120 --> 00:09:04.640 And I don't know anything beyond that. 96 00:09:04.640 --> 00:09:08.000 I'm not saying that anything happened to you when you were 14. 97 00:09:09.600 --> 00:09:17.440 It was an impression that there are some things that either happened to you, absorbed and that 98 00:09:19.200 --> 00:09:24.880 in your life and some things that have been spoken over you, that it kind of been absorbed 99 00:09:24.880 --> 00:09:32.000 into you, in a sense, as a belief system, for lack of a better term, that are part of 100 00:09:32.000 --> 00:09:33.040 where you're at now. 101 00:09:33.040 --> 00:09:39.120 Like, I feel like some of those things are coming to a head and that it would seem to 102 00:09:39.360 --> 00:09:43.760 be interfering with what you're trying to do, maybe with Ashley, for instance. 103 00:09:43.760 --> 00:09:51.200 But actually, those things coming to the surface now is God's way of dismantling those things 104 00:09:51.200 --> 00:09:56.480 as part of his plan to develop you, to prepare you for the things that he has ahead of you. 105 00:09:56.480 --> 00:09:59.040 Because the challenges and the trials that you're facing right now 106 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:02.320 are the things that God's using to develop you 107 00:10:02.320 --> 00:10:05.160 and to instill things in you that you don't have 108 00:10:05.160 --> 00:10:07.280 that you're gonna need for what he has next for you. 109 00:10:07.280 --> 00:10:10.800 Because I don't know what the next step is for you, 110 00:10:10.800 --> 00:10:15.400 but the accounts payable job, doing two jobs at once, 111 00:10:16.640 --> 00:10:18.520 working 14 days in a row 112 00:10:20.160 --> 00:10:23.960 is not gonna be your end all thing. 113 00:10:23.960 --> 00:10:26.760 This is a season and this is not your future, 114 00:10:26.760 --> 00:10:28.240 if that makes sense. 115 00:10:28.240 --> 00:10:31.760 So with that in mind, I don't know if there's anything 116 00:10:31.760 --> 00:10:34.680 that I said that has any meaning to you, 117 00:10:34.680 --> 00:10:38.080 but I just kind of wanna see where you are 118 00:10:38.080 --> 00:10:40.320 and if there's anything that God's bringing up 119 00:10:40.320 --> 00:10:41.760 in your life right now. 120 00:10:41.760 --> 00:10:44.360 And one question I do have, 121 00:10:44.360 --> 00:10:45.920 forgive me for asking this question, 122 00:10:45.920 --> 00:10:50.920 but what's your country of origin, your ethnic background? 123 00:10:51.400 --> 00:10:55.160 My mom's from Thailand and my dad's French Canadian roots. 124 00:10:55.160 --> 00:10:56.000 Yeah. 125 00:10:57.720 --> 00:10:59.680 So where'd you grow up? 126 00:11:00.840 --> 00:11:04.160 I grew up in Arizona, Tucson, Arizona. 127 00:11:04.160 --> 00:11:06.480 Yeah, my dad was Air Force. 128 00:11:06.480 --> 00:11:10.680 Okay, French Canadian, Taiwanese grew up in- 129 00:11:10.680 --> 00:11:13.360 Thailand, Thailand, yeah. 130 00:11:13.360 --> 00:11:14.640 Oh, Thailand, okay. 131 00:11:17.120 --> 00:11:17.960 Yeah. 132 00:11:17.960 --> 00:11:18.800 Okay. 133 00:11:22.640 --> 00:11:24.240 So I don't know anything about you. 134 00:11:24.240 --> 00:11:26.160 I don't know what you're going through. 135 00:11:26.160 --> 00:11:28.760 I don't, other than what Ashley just shared with me. 136 00:11:33.360 --> 00:11:36.320 So what, where are you, what's going on with you? 137 00:11:37.760 --> 00:11:42.600 Did anything surface or resonate with anything I said, 138 00:11:42.600 --> 00:11:46.920 especially like the 14 year old kind of thing or what? 139 00:11:46.920 --> 00:11:49.440 Yeah, I think at 14, 140 00:11:49.960 --> 00:11:54.960 yeah, I thought my value was based on men and what they, 141 00:11:59.240 --> 00:12:02.080 yeah, yeah. 142 00:12:06.400 --> 00:12:09.560 Yeah, I put a lot of emphasis on having a relationship 143 00:12:09.560 --> 00:12:12.040 at that time, you know, of the teen years 144 00:12:12.040 --> 00:12:14.600 and trying to find love and value there. 145 00:12:16.080 --> 00:12:17.920 I don't know if it was at 13 or 14, 146 00:12:17.920 --> 00:12:21.440 I decided to stop talking to my mom completely 147 00:12:21.440 --> 00:12:22.760 around then too. 148 00:12:23.880 --> 00:12:26.960 She's just in and out of my life periodically. 149 00:12:26.960 --> 00:12:28.680 She never lived with us. 150 00:12:28.680 --> 00:12:30.520 I mean, as far as I remembered. 151 00:12:34.680 --> 00:12:36.320 Yeah, and then the teaching thing, 152 00:12:36.320 --> 00:12:39.400 I was pursuing teaching for a little bit 153 00:12:39.400 --> 00:12:41.040 and then I got off track 154 00:12:41.040 --> 00:12:43.520 and I remember having a dream of dropping a baby 155 00:12:44.400 --> 00:12:46.320 and I was like, oh, is that my, 156 00:12:46.360 --> 00:12:50.160 me like giving up this dream of teaching? 157 00:12:51.760 --> 00:12:53.200 Like, I care for children, 158 00:12:53.200 --> 00:12:58.200 but I don't feel like I have the capacity to nurture them 159 00:12:58.680 --> 00:12:59.640 because I wasn't nurtured. 160 00:12:59.640 --> 00:13:04.640 So I stopped pursuing that for a while, 161 00:13:06.120 --> 00:13:10.400 or a while ago, probably three or four years ago. 162 00:13:13.040 --> 00:13:15.000 But yeah. 163 00:13:15.880 --> 00:13:18.080 Yeah, well, one of the impressions I had, 164 00:13:18.080 --> 00:13:19.840 and this is, I use the word specifically, 165 00:13:19.840 --> 00:13:21.640 like if I feel like I have a word, 166 00:13:21.640 --> 00:13:25.000 like the Lord told me or whatever, I will say that. 167 00:13:25.000 --> 00:13:26.920 I won't ever say, thus saith the Lord, okay? 168 00:13:26.920 --> 00:13:29.360 But an impression is an impression. 169 00:13:29.360 --> 00:13:32.120 And one of the impressions I had was 170 00:13:33.520 --> 00:13:36.720 that there were things that you were interested in, 171 00:13:36.720 --> 00:13:41.240 I would say have a calling in or a real aptitude for 172 00:13:41.240 --> 00:13:44.720 that either were discouraged or not encouraged 173 00:13:45.400 --> 00:13:47.600 and that you kind of lack the confidence 174 00:13:47.600 --> 00:13:50.280 to walk forward in those things. 175 00:13:50.280 --> 00:13:53.080 And that could be, I felt that that wasn't just, 176 00:13:55.040 --> 00:13:58.680 you know, business, but it had to do with, 177 00:13:58.680 --> 00:14:03.680 there were God-inspired desires in your life 178 00:14:04.600 --> 00:14:07.200 that weren't being expressed. 179 00:14:07.200 --> 00:14:10.400 And I'm not saying, for instance, that's teaching, okay? 180 00:14:10.920 --> 00:14:15.720 But that's what reminded me of earlier this morning, 181 00:14:15.720 --> 00:14:17.360 something that had come to me. 182 00:14:17.360 --> 00:14:22.360 And because when you were talking about it, 183 00:14:22.760 --> 00:14:24.640 it didn't seem like you said, 184 00:14:24.640 --> 00:14:27.520 well, I was exploring teaching, 185 00:14:27.520 --> 00:14:29.680 but I really just decided this was not for me. 186 00:14:29.680 --> 00:14:31.720 Like, you know, like, oh Lord, I just, 187 00:14:31.720 --> 00:14:34.960 I found out that teaching is like paint dries, 188 00:14:34.960 --> 00:14:37.800 nails on a chalkboard, not for me, right? 189 00:14:37.800 --> 00:14:39.880 That wasn't the impression that I had of what you're saying. 190 00:14:40.400 --> 00:14:41.600 It was like, it was something you started perceiving 191 00:14:41.600 --> 00:14:45.800 and then you're like, oh, you know, you, 192 00:14:45.800 --> 00:14:47.760 and you weren't sure if you're supposed to go back to it. 193 00:14:47.760 --> 00:14:50.760 But those were the two words that I heard specifically was 194 00:14:50.760 --> 00:14:53.600 there was business and there was education. 195 00:14:53.600 --> 00:14:56.320 And it didn't mean that you, 196 00:14:56.320 --> 00:14:58.520 I think that my impression was 197 00:14:58.520 --> 00:15:00.320 whether education's important to you. 198 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:05.600 not, and you were going to be a teacher in the sense of like a vocational teacher, that there's 199 00:15:05.600 --> 00:15:11.360 a teaching gift that you possess. And if that's an aspect of who you are, and I think that that's 200 00:15:11.360 --> 00:15:19.680 something that maybe in your current life is going unexpressed, that would be one thing. 201 00:15:19.680 --> 00:15:24.720 So you were raised by your dad, is that what I'm understanding? Yes, yeah, yeah. 202 00:15:24.800 --> 00:15:34.000 And what is the story with your mom? What was your childhood like? 203 00:15:36.560 --> 00:15:41.760 Well, my dad raised three of us and we're all close together. My brother's just 204 00:15:41.760 --> 00:15:50.400 11 months older, my sister's just two years younger, and my dad met her while he was stationed 205 00:15:50.400 --> 00:15:57.360 in Thailand, brought her back to the States. And by the age, I was three, my brother was four, 206 00:15:57.360 --> 00:16:04.640 my sister was like one. She abandoned us to go find another military man to whatever. 207 00:16:05.920 --> 00:16:14.400 And so, yeah, it was just my dad. But unfortunately, my dad was, I guess, old in 208 00:16:14.400 --> 00:16:22.880 tradition where he didn't nurture. And so we were just a bunch of wild animals running around. 209 00:16:23.440 --> 00:16:30.480 That's how I feel like me and my siblings, we've all had like a run in with the law, just trying to 210 00:16:31.200 --> 00:16:36.480 find ourselves and stuff like that. But yeah, my mom would visit once a year, and it was not a 211 00:16:37.440 --> 00:16:44.960 pleasant experience whenever she visited, just negative memories. Yeah, yeah. 212 00:16:56.720 --> 00:17:03.760 And what's your, again, forgive me if I'm prying, okay? You know, you can tell me like, 213 00:17:04.640 --> 00:17:09.520 I don't know you, I don't feel comfortable talking to you. And honestly, I don't get 214 00:17:09.520 --> 00:17:15.839 offended. But if it's like, I don't feel comfortable talking to a man about it. Okay, 215 00:17:15.839 --> 00:17:24.480 that's totally fine. All of that is totally fine. Not gonna offend me. But what's your relationship 216 00:17:24.480 --> 00:17:30.480 status? Let's put it that way right now. And are you in a relationship? Are you married? 217 00:17:31.280 --> 00:17:42.080 No, I haven't been dating in over two years now. Yeah. I've been divorced for 11, 12 years. 218 00:17:44.640 --> 00:17:47.840 How early did you get married? I was 22. 219 00:17:49.520 --> 00:17:51.920 And you were married for how long? Nine years. 220 00:17:52.880 --> 00:17:58.960 Okay. Was it healthy? Not healthy? No, he was always abandoning or cheating on me. 221 00:17:58.960 --> 00:18:05.120 So I always felt like, in a state of anxiety every six months, because I'm like, Oh, he's 222 00:18:05.120 --> 00:18:10.960 gonna leave me or something's happening. You know? Yeah. And every time I got pregnant, 223 00:18:10.960 --> 00:18:18.400 he definitely abandoned me. So do you have children? Yeah, I have two boys at 18 and 13. 224 00:18:20.400 --> 00:18:28.560 How are they? Um, 18 year old is healthy. You know, he was going through a hard time in his 225 00:18:28.560 --> 00:18:39.360 teen years. So yeah, so I, I had custody when they were young, but then he got custody when the 226 00:18:39.360 --> 00:18:49.520 oldest one turned 13. So and then, yeah, and then he begged to come, the oldest one begged to come 227 00:18:49.520 --> 00:19:00.240 back living with me. And he finally did before he left for college. But yeah, no, he's healthy now. 228 00:19:00.240 --> 00:19:08.880 He's happy and independent. And yeah, way better than, you know, that it was concerning, like he 229 00:19:08.880 --> 00:19:15.680 had become suicidal before he came back to live with me. So and then the younger one, I feel like 230 00:19:15.680 --> 00:19:21.200 he's going through another divorce right now, because his father just actually had been separated, 231 00:19:21.200 --> 00:19:26.960 but living with her for two to three years, and I just found that out now. She finally kicked him out, 232 00:19:27.520 --> 00:19:35.680 like, a couple months ago. And so my little one, you know, he's, he's very quiet now. 233 00:19:37.280 --> 00:19:43.200 But he's different than the older one, because the older one couldn't didn't have any friendships. 234 00:19:43.200 --> 00:19:51.760 The younger one has friendships. So, but they seem, oh, they seem pretty good. As far as I know, 235 00:19:51.760 --> 00:19:59.760 like, yeah, they're not acting out in bad ways or anything. 236 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.000 And your relationship with your father is. 237 00:20:05.000 --> 00:20:12.000 Um, it's good at from a distance, he's in Arizona or Oregon. 238 00:20:12.000 --> 00:20:14.000 But he. 239 00:20:14.000 --> 00:20:17.000 We know he loves his son. 240 00:20:17.000 --> 00:20:34.000 Um, so I, I, it's very surface level whenever we talk, you know, I've tried to tell him about the Lord, and having a relationship and stuff like that but he just gets quiet or, you know, when we talk about anything of substance, or any. 241 00:20:34.000 --> 00:20:40.000 Yeah, we just keep it at politics and baseball. 242 00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:42.000 So, yeah. 243 00:20:42.000 --> 00:20:47.000 And did you feel loved and did you feel safe growing up. 244 00:20:47.000 --> 00:20:49.000 No, no. 245 00:20:49.000 --> 00:20:56.000 I, I used to have nightmares 246 00:20:56.000 --> 00:20:59.000 all the time. 247 00:20:59.000 --> 00:21:03.000 Now, I basically see the demon in him. 248 00:21:03.000 --> 00:21:06.000 In my dreams. 249 00:21:06.000 --> 00:21:09.000 But, 250 00:21:09.000 --> 00:21:19.000 I've forgiven him and, you know, but, yeah, he was kind of a terrorist to us. 251 00:21:19.000 --> 00:21:29.000 I'm so sorry. Yeah, okay. I mean he's not the worst guy but I meant like just discipline was not not healthy. 252 00:21:29.000 --> 00:21:30.000 Yeah. 253 00:21:30.000 --> 00:21:34.000 Yeah. 254 00:21:34.000 --> 00:21:37.000 Well, um, 255 00:21:37.000 --> 00:21:48.000 I don't know how else to say this like I, I want to be careful, how I express things sometimes, because it can seem like I'm generalizing things. 256 00:21:48.000 --> 00:21:52.000 But I'll notice some themes. Okay. 257 00:21:52.000 --> 00:21:56.000 That's something that God has his hand on, for instance. 258 00:21:57.000 --> 00:22:08.000 And for the third time, in a sense, I'm, I'm going to talk about the, as you, you know, about what impact. 259 00:22:08.000 --> 00:22:23.000 Our parents have on our lives, and you being a mom, I'm not a natural father, not that I'm aware of, I have my wild days also but as far as I know the joke used to be a joke it's not funny, but you know, I'm not a dad, as far as I know, right, that would 260 00:22:23.000 --> 00:22:25.000 be the joke. 261 00:22:25.000 --> 00:22:44.000 In my BC days that would be our job. Okay, but the reality is I'm not a natural father but I am kind of a spiritual father, and that place of father tends to be the primary place, much to my bewilderment, the, the place that I'm that I ministered out of the 262 00:22:45.000 --> 00:23:01.000 most, and the place. One of the places of greatest impact that I that I've had. And my sense for you in a way, is that there are things that weren't affirmed and called to life in you 263 00:23:01.000 --> 00:23:18.000 that needed to be, and that though they may be present in your life, because they weren't encouraged and fostered they weren't grown and because they weren't grown and affirmed, then there was the lack of confidence and then maybe weren't valued 264 00:23:18.000 --> 00:23:36.000 and enough value placed in them. And those things kind of are like a bit dormant and an unexpressed, and that one of the roles of a father is to call your identity to life is to help establish in a confident way, and to protect you and to create 265 00:23:36.000 --> 00:23:45.000 security, and the mother's role is also to protect, but it's to nurture and to provide that caring loving environment. 266 00:23:45.000 --> 00:23:57.000 And the two aspects of those people are represent in a way who are Heavenly Father is who's the perfect mother and perfect father and no matter how great. 267 00:23:57.000 --> 00:24:00.000 No matter how great a mom you are. 268 00:24:00.000 --> 00:24:03.000 Grace of God be upon you. Right. 269 00:24:03.000 --> 00:24:05.000 On your best day. 270 00:24:05.000 --> 00:24:12.000 You still will never measure up to, to our Heavenly Father. Okay. 271 00:24:12.000 --> 00:24:22.000 So the Heavenly Mother and Father, create an image or an expectation of, of what our Heavenly Father would be. 272 00:24:22.000 --> 00:24:27.000 And, 273 00:24:27.000 --> 00:24:30.000 and will impact 274 00:24:30.000 --> 00:24:34.000 largely how we see him. 275 00:24:34.000 --> 00:24:52.000 I've heard this before, like if you were to sit, and I, you know, I, I've witnessed this I've done this many times like if I were to ask someone who are the Trinity Trinity Do you feel that you can relate to most almost unanimously, you know the large percentage 276 00:24:52.000 --> 00:25:01.000 I would say, I don't know making this up because you're a numbers person, I'm going to say, say it's like 70%. 277 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:20.000 Okay, Jesus. I feel most comfortable Jesus. I love Jesus, you know, and there's a lot of aspects that people can represent, but even women in general can really connect to him in a way that as a man we can't, you know, the bride of Christ, that he's pursues you. 278 00:25:20.000 --> 00:25:27.000 He, he's kind of the standard to which, you know, things are measured to. 279 00:25:27.000 --> 00:25:38.000 And then the next one. If you're have any charismatic background. If you're Baptist probably this wouldn't be the answer, but it would be the Holy Spirit. 280 00:25:38.000 --> 00:25:52.000 And even then to see the Holy Spirit as a person is a little kind of stretchy for people but we'll say that's like 20%, maybe 22 and a half percent or something and then they're the rest is like kind of like the father. 281 00:25:53.000 --> 00:26:05.000 He's like this. At a minimum, he's this enigmatic figure that we don't really understand other than Jesus said if you saw me you've seen the father, but the reality is, for most of us, we had a father. 282 00:26:05.000 --> 00:26:07.000 And we had a mom. 283 00:26:08.000 --> 00:26:27.000 And those relationships will create kind of an expectation of who and how we see the father. So, like for me, is an example, my dad's great guy, you know, in a lot of respects and he's doing amazing things for the Lord and stuff right now it's, it's great. 284 00:26:27.000 --> 00:26:30.000 Okay. But my dad was an angry guy. 285 00:26:30.000 --> 00:26:41.000 Now he wasn't necessarily abusive in the sense that he, he beat us and all those types of things, but he learned in an early age. 286 00:26:41.000 --> 00:26:54.000 One there were things that he didn't understand he had PTSD and stuff like that. But there were things that he learned to harness his anger and to use his anger. 287 00:26:54.000 --> 00:27:09.000 And so there was always this next battle, you know, he would use it to kind of get himself psyched up there's this thing, and I could see this destructive force in my dad, right, and I knew what it was to be afraid of my dad. 288 00:27:09.000 --> 00:27:18.000 And so when like the fear of the Lord and all of that stuff was being discussed. It was like, to me that was like, I knew what it was to be afraid. 289 00:27:18.000 --> 00:27:31.000 And I was like, why in the world would I want to have the fear of the Lord because I know what it is to be angry I'm having a hard enough time trying to connect with God as a father as it is, as an example, right. 290 00:27:31.000 --> 00:27:42.000 So, if your expectation if your, if your experience with a father, no matter how great he was in so many other areas is that he was like a terrorist and you had nightmares and you'd feel safe. 291 00:27:42.000 --> 00:27:45.000 You didn't feel affirmed. 292 00:27:45.000 --> 00:28:03.000 And you didn't you lack the nurturing and the things that your mother was supposed to provide for you, which is another aspect of who our father in heaven is, then it's going to be very difficult for you to be able to engage, other than intellectually with 293 00:28:03.000 --> 00:28:21.000 some things to be able to receive from God the things that he's wanting you to receive, whether it's your love, whether it's love security, safety, and, or to maybe even be engaging with some of the things that Ashley's trying to talk about, where it's like I 294 00:28:21.000 --> 00:28:32.000 understand the concept, but how do I actually, I'm not experiencing these things like and I don't know why I just seems to be this barrier this blockage here that I don't understand. 295 00:28:32.000 --> 00:28:39.000 All right. The other thing is that when 296 00:28:39.000 --> 00:28:45.000 I would ask, I probably would. Will I may still ask this question. 297 00:28:46.000 --> 00:28:52.000 You know, I had a, I had a, everybody's had trauma, to some extent. Okay. And I've had. 298 00:28:52.000 --> 00:28:57.000 I had a sense that you would had you'd experienced more than your share. 299 00:28:57.000 --> 00:29:08.000 You know, that doesn't mean that you are because most people, when they think of that they think of sexual abuse. They think of some massive thing that's taking place. 300 00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:12.000 And those things may have actually happened. 301 00:29:12.000 --> 00:29:20.000 But the thing is that what people don't realize is that there's trauma and trauma be trauma is a trauma that everybody thinks. 302 00:29:20.000 --> 00:29:39.000 And that trauma is, you know, I saw someone hit by a bus in front of me I, I, you know, I was a, you know, sexually abused, I was, you know, rape or beaten or mugged or had a violent car accident or something along those lines. 303 00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:48.000 But trauma be is the trauma that is the things that you were supposed to receive and you never did. 304 00:29:48.000 --> 00:29:59.000 Now I started, you know, I don't know if actually you don't know what you know of me but I started in a place of inner healing. I started with a place called Christian healing ministries, wonderful place. 305 00:29:59.000 --> 00:30:00.000 Very loving. 306 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.880 and caring and solid. 307 00:30:02.880 --> 00:30:07.880 And he, Francis McNutt was a paragon of healing. 308 00:30:09.600 --> 00:30:11.160 And then he married Judith 309 00:30:11.160 --> 00:30:14.280 and Judith was a mental health counselor. 310 00:30:14.280 --> 00:30:15.720 And the two of them came together, 311 00:30:15.720 --> 00:30:17.400 Christian Healing Ministry was born. 312 00:30:17.400 --> 00:30:20.660 So very, very solid in the whole inner healing thing. 313 00:30:20.660 --> 00:30:22.920 And that's part of what I learned. 314 00:30:22.920 --> 00:30:25.080 And one of the things that she would say 315 00:30:25.080 --> 00:30:27.640 and other people that teach these things say 316 00:30:27.640 --> 00:30:28.920 is that most people think 317 00:30:28.920 --> 00:30:31.160 that the things that have happened to us, 318 00:30:31.160 --> 00:30:33.360 they create trauma. 319 00:30:33.360 --> 00:30:37.960 You know, my dad saw his first dead body at five, okay? 320 00:30:37.960 --> 00:30:41.040 He thinks of that as his normal part of life. 321 00:30:41.040 --> 00:30:43.720 The reality is that shaped his life 322 00:30:43.720 --> 00:30:46.240 and he had nightmares his whole life. 323 00:30:47.400 --> 00:30:49.680 When he would hear thunder, my parents were dating, 324 00:30:49.680 --> 00:30:51.200 my dad would jerk. 325 00:30:51.200 --> 00:30:53.580 And he would say, that sounds just like mortar fire 326 00:30:53.580 --> 00:30:56.680 because he lived through the revolution in Cuba, okay? 327 00:30:56.680 --> 00:30:58.200 Most people think of those things 328 00:30:58.200 --> 00:31:00.840 as the hardest things to heal and it's actually not. 329 00:31:02.280 --> 00:31:04.680 The things that are hardest to heal, 330 00:31:04.680 --> 00:31:06.760 typically the most stubborn are the things 331 00:31:06.760 --> 00:31:08.360 that's the trauma B, 332 00:31:08.360 --> 00:31:12.360 the things that you were intended to receive by God 333 00:31:12.360 --> 00:31:13.260 and you did not. 334 00:31:14.880 --> 00:31:18.360 The good news is that there's healing for those things. 335 00:31:18.360 --> 00:31:21.080 That this isn't a sentence that you have to kind of walk out 336 00:31:21.080 --> 00:31:24.140 that there's these place of deprivation in your life 337 00:31:24.140 --> 00:31:27.060 that you're forever gonna have these empty tanks 338 00:31:27.060 --> 00:31:29.700 going forward and that's just not true. 339 00:31:29.700 --> 00:31:31.600 That's not God's heart for you at all. 340 00:31:32.620 --> 00:31:34.180 And the other thing I wanna say 341 00:31:35.020 --> 00:31:38.340 is I'm heading towards something here 342 00:31:38.340 --> 00:31:43.220 is one, to assure you that for some reason, 343 00:31:43.220 --> 00:31:45.700 God has his finger on this particular aspect. 344 00:31:46.700 --> 00:31:49.300 Okay, I'm not gonna talk about other sessions 345 00:31:49.300 --> 00:31:51.220 and things like that, but I'll tell you 346 00:31:51.220 --> 00:31:53.260 that in almost every one, 347 00:31:53.260 --> 00:31:57.140 some aspect of the Father God 348 00:31:57.140 --> 00:32:00.120 in dealing with this arena has come up 349 00:32:00.120 --> 00:32:03.140 in either largely the prominent thing 350 00:32:04.420 --> 00:32:07.500 or in some respect in every session so far. 351 00:32:10.020 --> 00:32:13.180 It's like, it makes me paranoid. 352 00:32:13.180 --> 00:32:16.300 Like, am I just fixated on this one thing or what? 353 00:32:16.300 --> 00:32:19.500 But I'm telling you, it's like really on God's heart, 354 00:32:19.500 --> 00:32:21.180 this aspect of things. 355 00:32:22.060 --> 00:32:27.060 And one thing that I wanna say as we wade into this topic 356 00:32:28.020 --> 00:32:33.020 is that there's the wounds that happened in your life 357 00:32:37.060 --> 00:32:38.740 that need healing. 358 00:32:38.740 --> 00:32:43.500 And we'll say like, I have been in spiritual cultures, 359 00:32:44.580 --> 00:32:49.000 I'll say that are in the kind of like get over it. 360 00:32:49.940 --> 00:32:52.420 You know, rub some dirt on it and get over it. 361 00:32:52.420 --> 00:32:56.340 And there's an aspect of that where we can't fixate 362 00:32:56.340 --> 00:32:59.920 and stay stuck and blame people for our issues. 363 00:33:00.780 --> 00:33:02.520 But the get over it thing is just, 364 00:33:03.780 --> 00:33:05.700 well, let's just say it's not nurturing, right? 365 00:33:05.700 --> 00:33:10.500 It's not reality, it's not truth, okay? 366 00:33:10.500 --> 00:33:12.060 There are certain things that we get over 367 00:33:12.060 --> 00:33:14.500 and some things that we just carry with us, 368 00:33:14.500 --> 00:33:16.980 wounds, scars, and they impact our decisions, 369 00:33:16.980 --> 00:33:18.820 they impact how we see people 370 00:33:18.820 --> 00:33:21.220 and they impact how, for instance, 371 00:33:21.220 --> 00:33:22.820 it would impact how you see men. 372 00:33:23.980 --> 00:33:28.300 It would, if you have not had security, 373 00:33:28.300 --> 00:33:31.420 then the security is gonna be what you were looking for 374 00:33:31.420 --> 00:33:35.280 your whole life and it seems to be so elusive, you know? 375 00:33:36.500 --> 00:33:41.500 Or as a parent, and I will call this reactive parenting, 376 00:33:41.820 --> 00:33:46.100 we'll meet those who've had certain things happen to them 377 00:33:46.940 --> 00:33:51.940 or not, and so then they will develop a parenting style 378 00:33:52.100 --> 00:33:56.140 in reaction to that, but the reality is, 379 00:33:56.140 --> 00:33:59.180 in a spiritual principle that what you judge 380 00:33:59.180 --> 00:34:02.140 comes back upon you, you know? 381 00:34:02.140 --> 00:34:05.300 And so in a way, this thing, I look at it like a pole 382 00:34:05.300 --> 00:34:09.060 and a rope tied to it, and this part being you, 383 00:34:09.060 --> 00:34:13.139 we're trying to not do this thing 384 00:34:13.139 --> 00:34:16.620 and we're slowly, we're just wrapped around the pole, 385 00:34:16.620 --> 00:34:18.980 and then at some point, we end up saying 386 00:34:18.980 --> 00:34:21.500 the very same thing that we swore we would never say, 387 00:34:21.500 --> 00:34:23.540 doing the thing we swore we'd never do, 388 00:34:23.540 --> 00:34:26.699 and it's like, how did I get to be my mother or my father 389 00:34:26.699 --> 00:34:29.380 or whatever the case is, does that make sense? 390 00:34:29.380 --> 00:34:30.219 Yeah. 391 00:34:31.300 --> 00:34:36.300 And so my sense with you 392 00:34:36.580 --> 00:34:38.739 was that there were some formative things, 393 00:34:39.860 --> 00:34:42.820 and I don't mean, and like I said, 394 00:34:43.500 --> 00:34:44.380 these things could have happened. 395 00:34:44.380 --> 00:34:46.020 There could have been abuse. 396 00:34:46.020 --> 00:34:49.659 There could have been some trauma in that respect with you, 397 00:34:49.659 --> 00:34:51.540 and if it is, I'm so sorry, 398 00:34:52.420 --> 00:34:56.980 and I am not glossing over that in any way, okay? 399 00:34:56.980 --> 00:34:59.420 But I felt that there were some formative things 400 00:34:59.420 --> 00:35:00.260 in your formative. 401 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:07.680 years that happened that shaped you and your belief system, one, cutting life off like 402 00:35:07.680 --> 00:35:15.120 a tourniquet to some areas that needed life. And that includes some areas of you that need 403 00:35:15.120 --> 00:35:26.440 expression. And that also shaped your expectations and some of your fears and structures, and 404 00:35:26.440 --> 00:35:31.600 we will call those kind of like belief systems or strongholds in your life that you don't 405 00:35:31.600 --> 00:35:35.720 know where they came from, why they're there, or you might know that they're there, but 406 00:35:35.720 --> 00:35:41.880 you don't know how to deal with it. And this stuff is so far in the past, right? But, and 407 00:35:41.880 --> 00:35:48.320 the other last thing I want to mention is kind of setting all this up is no matter how 408 00:35:48.320 --> 00:35:57.600 great your parents were, or are, or no matter how big of a 180 they do, right? I mean, a 409 00:35:57.600 --> 00:36:02.920 lot of people that was like, my father was an alcoholic, super abusive, did all these 410 00:36:02.920 --> 00:36:09.320 things. Here he gets saved. Now he's been sober for 15 years. And I have a different 411 00:36:09.320 --> 00:36:15.800 relationship with my dad now. So that means that everything's okay. The reality is that 412 00:36:15.800 --> 00:36:21.200 they're still suffering. These things are still unhealed in their life, which is shaping 413 00:36:21.200 --> 00:36:29.600 them today. And because of where their dad is now, they don't want to touch this stuff. 414 00:36:29.600 --> 00:36:33.040 They feel guilty. They don't want to talk about it, or they can't confront their dad 415 00:36:33.040 --> 00:36:39.400 about it. They can't talk to their dad about how wounded they have been because of them, 416 00:36:39.400 --> 00:36:45.040 because that guy's not the same person anymore. Or maybe they've passed away, or they don't 417 00:36:45.040 --> 00:36:50.200 have a relationship with them anymore. Right? But, but there's an actual, there's a way 418 00:36:50.200 --> 00:36:57.080 in which you can, you can address these things and receive healing for these things. And 419 00:36:57.080 --> 00:37:04.520 so when we, when we kind of move into where I feel like I'm being led to go, understand 420 00:37:04.520 --> 00:37:11.400 that if you're talking about stuff involving your dad, you're not talking to your dad in 421 00:37:11.400 --> 00:37:19.560 way and you're not dishonoring him or your mother by just being honest about how stuff 422 00:37:19.560 --> 00:37:26.240 affected you. Okay. And so one of the, is this all making sense to you? Yeah. Okay. 423 00:37:26.240 --> 00:37:31.560 And if I'm telling you stuff that you know, and I'm boring you to death, forgive me. Okay. 424 00:37:31.560 --> 00:37:39.120 But so one of the good, weird, I call good, weird, there's, there's weird, weird, weird 425 00:37:39.120 --> 00:37:44.800 is bad, weird, and there's good, weird. Okay. So one of the good, weird things that I learned 426 00:37:44.800 --> 00:37:55.320 from my time at Christian Healing Ministries, known as CHM, was this aspect of mother, father 427 00:37:55.320 --> 00:38:02.840 wounds. Okay. And there was something that they did, which was really good, weird, and 428 00:38:02.840 --> 00:38:09.520 very stretchy for me. And it was called the mother, father's blessing. And how that function 429 00:38:09.520 --> 00:38:17.040 was they would have a representative mother and a representative father, and they would 430 00:38:17.040 --> 00:38:24.080 stand in front of the room and they would read kind of a general blanket of repentance, 431 00:38:24.080 --> 00:38:32.720 asking forgiveness for some things and releasing a blessing over them as a mother, as a father. 432 00:38:32.720 --> 00:38:38.920 And then around the room, there will be representative mothers and fathers. And though they're not 433 00:38:38.920 --> 00:38:43.640 your actual parents, they're going to stand in for your actual parents. They're going 434 00:38:43.640 --> 00:38:47.520 to stand, they're going to, they're going to, they're going to stand in for your mother, 435 00:38:47.520 --> 00:38:53.760 you're going to stand in for your father, and then the opportunity to come forward and 436 00:38:53.760 --> 00:39:01.660 to tell them the things that you probably can't actually say in real life. You know, 437 00:39:01.660 --> 00:39:08.540 you hurt me, you abandoned me, you were supposed to do this and you didn't. The things that 438 00:39:08.540 --> 00:39:16.740 are really honest and hurtful, and that you've carried, and then because you can't, or they're, 439 00:39:16.740 --> 00:39:22.300 you're afraid, or they won't receive it, or because they were doing the very best that 440 00:39:22.300 --> 00:39:34.140 they could, but their best still left you lacking, afraid, scared, and whatever else 441 00:39:34.140 --> 00:39:39.260 that was there. And this opens the door in the presence of the Holy Spirit, for you offload 442 00:39:39.260 --> 00:39:47.540 these things, so that you're not carrying those things anymore. And then, you know, 443 00:39:47.540 --> 00:39:54.780 you then are blessed, you know, these things are dealt with, the healing begins, and then 444 00:39:54.780 --> 00:39:59.580 the Father starts to pour in to the areas that 445 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.000 have been like, for instance, nurturing, 446 00:40:07.120 --> 00:40:10.000 and then doors for actual safe nurturing 447 00:40:11.600 --> 00:40:14.600 will be open to you that maybe seemed like they were closed. 448 00:40:16.680 --> 00:40:21.680 So I guess what I'm saying is I kind of feel like 449 00:40:21.960 --> 00:40:24.000 this would be a good thing for you today. 450 00:40:28.080 --> 00:40:28.920 How do you feel? 451 00:40:30.400 --> 00:40:31.880 Yeah, I think so. 452 00:40:31.880 --> 00:40:36.880 I mean, I do feel like there's still, 453 00:40:39.000 --> 00:40:44.000 I mean, my thoughts even do it, remind me of stuff. 454 00:40:44.040 --> 00:40:49.040 So I do think I need a deeper inner healing, yeah. 455 00:40:50.560 --> 00:40:52.600 So do you have any background in any healing? 456 00:40:52.600 --> 00:40:53.800 Have you done any of it? 457 00:40:54.840 --> 00:40:57.520 Just kind of like regeneration, 458 00:40:57.520 --> 00:41:02.520 just kind of accepting some things 459 00:41:02.520 --> 00:41:04.240 and then accepting the things, 460 00:41:04.240 --> 00:41:07.200 how I've reacted and created my own hurts too. 461 00:41:10.200 --> 00:41:14.760 But I have been thinking of talking to my father 462 00:41:14.760 --> 00:41:18.880 and like, well, how did grandpa raise you? 463 00:41:18.880 --> 00:41:21.680 Like try to help him understand. 464 00:41:22.640 --> 00:41:27.640 You know, I don't, you know, I mean, I'm a mom, 465 00:41:28.400 --> 00:41:33.240 so I still even remember the things that I failed in 466 00:41:34.240 --> 00:41:36.720 and I've had to, you know, no condemnation 467 00:41:36.720 --> 00:41:39.480 and like pray over those things and stuff. 468 00:41:39.480 --> 00:41:42.920 So I would think, I don't know if they still, 469 00:41:42.920 --> 00:41:46.800 I guess, haunt him too or, but yeah, 470 00:41:46.800 --> 00:41:49.040 just see if he would ever acknowledge it 471 00:41:49.960 --> 00:41:54.960 because I mean, my sister is, yeah, we're all wounded still. 472 00:41:55.720 --> 00:41:56.560 Yeah. 473 00:41:57.480 --> 00:41:59.480 Yeah, you know, it's a strange thing. 474 00:42:00.800 --> 00:42:04.520 You know, we go through these phases in life, 475 00:42:05.840 --> 00:42:08.200 you know, like I thought that I had the best childhood 476 00:42:08.200 --> 00:42:10.720 known to man, you know, I thought it was amazing 477 00:42:10.720 --> 00:42:14.440 and it was better than everybody else, but it's all I had. 478 00:42:14.440 --> 00:42:16.360 And, you know, I thought my dad was Superman 479 00:42:16.360 --> 00:42:18.000 when I was a kid, strong and like, 480 00:42:18.000 --> 00:42:20.560 I would tell everybody, my dad is the best dad in the world 481 00:42:20.560 --> 00:42:23.240 and he's the strongest person in the world. 482 00:42:23.240 --> 00:42:24.760 And they would say like, well, who told you that? 483 00:42:24.760 --> 00:42:27.120 And they were like, well, he did. 484 00:42:27.120 --> 00:42:30.520 And it would be like, well, that's his opinion. 485 00:42:30.520 --> 00:42:32.880 That's not, and I was like, well, I don't understand. 486 00:42:32.880 --> 00:42:36.720 Like, and then you start getting a little independence 487 00:42:36.720 --> 00:42:40.720 and then you, for a lot of people and myself included, 488 00:42:40.720 --> 00:42:43.440 like my dad and mom got married at 22 and 20 489 00:42:44.280 --> 00:42:49.280 and then like 13 months later, I was born. 490 00:42:50.800 --> 00:42:52.520 15 months later, my brother was born. 491 00:42:52.520 --> 00:42:55.040 And for me, that was the idyllic life. 492 00:42:55.040 --> 00:42:56.840 Like they were two kids. 493 00:42:56.840 --> 00:43:00.280 My mom was 22, 23 years old and had two kids. 494 00:43:00.280 --> 00:43:02.960 They were poor and the whole thing. 495 00:43:02.960 --> 00:43:07.760 And I thought, oh, until I got to be about 21, 20, 21, 22. 496 00:43:07.760 --> 00:43:09.640 And then I'm like, they were crazy. 497 00:43:09.640 --> 00:43:11.480 I could barely take care of myself. 498 00:43:11.480 --> 00:43:14.640 Like how in the world? 499 00:43:14.640 --> 00:43:19.640 And you start to see your parents as people more and more. 500 00:43:20.160 --> 00:43:21.640 And that can create friction. 501 00:43:21.640 --> 00:43:23.920 That can create frustration. 502 00:43:23.920 --> 00:43:27.200 There's also allowing yourself to be honest enough 503 00:43:27.200 --> 00:43:30.320 to realize like, hey, they screwed up. 504 00:43:30.320 --> 00:43:31.800 They hurt me. 505 00:43:31.800 --> 00:43:33.600 They fell short. 506 00:43:33.600 --> 00:43:38.600 And then also a realization that 507 00:43:41.880 --> 00:43:44.240 I'm trying to think of a Christian way 508 00:43:44.240 --> 00:43:47.600 of saying that statement, you know, 509 00:43:49.760 --> 00:43:51.520 poop runs downhill, you know? 510 00:43:51.520 --> 00:43:56.520 Like, and that as my old pastor used to say, 511 00:43:56.760 --> 00:43:58.560 like nobody just, you know, decides 512 00:43:58.560 --> 00:44:00.120 or finds out they're gonna be a parent 513 00:44:00.120 --> 00:44:02.000 and then decides, you know what? 514 00:44:02.000 --> 00:44:04.160 I can't wait to screw up these kids' lives. 515 00:44:06.520 --> 00:44:09.240 And that most of the time they're doing the best 516 00:44:09.240 --> 00:44:12.760 that they can, but they're just broken people 517 00:44:12.760 --> 00:44:15.560 trying to do better than what was done to them. 518 00:44:16.520 --> 00:44:20.040 And sometimes they succeed and sometimes they don't 519 00:44:20.040 --> 00:44:22.840 but they're gonna fall short regardless. 520 00:44:22.840 --> 00:44:25.160 And so like what you're talking about with your dad 521 00:44:25.160 --> 00:44:28.240 is very mature and very true. 522 00:44:28.240 --> 00:44:30.640 And he probably did do the best he could. 523 00:44:30.640 --> 00:44:35.640 And he probably was in his own area of deprivation. 524 00:44:36.080 --> 00:44:38.160 And there were things that he probably wanted to do 525 00:44:38.240 --> 00:44:41.200 but had no capacity or understanding 526 00:44:41.200 --> 00:44:42.960 of how to do those types of things. 527 00:44:44.080 --> 00:44:49.080 And, you know, if you just even go back a generation or two, 528 00:44:49.480 --> 00:44:53.040 the World War I and World War II generation, 529 00:44:53.040 --> 00:44:57.760 they were very much strong, get over it, move on. 530 00:44:57.760 --> 00:45:00.760 We don't talk about our feelings and all that kind of stuff. 531 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:06.800 stuff you know and but the reality is like even with your dad that what I'm getting at with this 532 00:45:06.800 --> 00:45:11.280 time that I'm talking about for you is that it's the time for you to be honest 533 00:45:11.840 --> 00:45:16.880 in a way that you can't be with your dad because you understand he's just a broken kid. 534 00:45:18.960 --> 00:45:26.880 He was probably not cared for abused not unloved wanting attention in these things 535 00:45:27.200 --> 00:45:34.400 and and one thing I want you to really get is that these things aren't wants. 536 00:45:35.200 --> 00:45:42.720 They're things that you're designed to have that your father in heaven designed you to need 537 00:45:42.720 --> 00:45:49.600 and he wanted provided to you and that it wasn't given and there is no condemnation. This isn't a 538 00:45:49.600 --> 00:45:55.600 judgment upon your mom and your dad okay but this is an opportunity that he's opening to you 539 00:45:56.560 --> 00:46:02.000 for you to have closure and healing so that you can move forward and that you can and he is 540 00:46:02.000 --> 00:46:07.120 desperately wanting you to be able to enjoy a faster relationship with him that you've been 541 00:46:07.120 --> 00:46:19.200 unable to so far. Okay yeah okay so since you have I would say wounds on both sides 542 00:46:19.840 --> 00:46:26.800 the challenge becomes because Ashley until yesterday had never even seen this happen. 543 00:46:29.360 --> 00:46:35.440 I can either it's going to be a stretch because chances are I don't look like your dad right? 544 00:46:35.440 --> 00:46:44.960 Chances are. Yeah you do. Oh I do. I'm not no not now anymore but I mean old white guys I mean. 545 00:46:44.960 --> 00:46:50.480 An old white guy. I mean you got a little skin color. I'm half Cuban thank you very much. 546 00:46:52.560 --> 00:46:59.440 I know but old people get white and they just yeah and they all transform. Sweetheart I need 547 00:46:59.440 --> 00:47:03.200 to I need to start going to the tanning bed because now I'm an old white guy. Now you have 548 00:47:03.200 --> 00:47:13.360 some color on you. I'm an old white guy. Sorry. Yeah that's hilarious. So the point is I've done 549 00:47:13.360 --> 00:47:20.320 both and it's a matter of what you feel most comfortable. You know I can have Ashley kind 550 00:47:20.320 --> 00:47:26.960 of play the part of the mother but the part of you coming forward to it's not that I don't trust at 551 00:47:26.960 --> 00:47:30.640 all that your ability to do this at all actually it's just a matter of what you're most comfortable 552 00:47:30.640 --> 00:47:40.800 with. Okay I can do mother and father or I can have Ashley you know do the role of mother and 553 00:47:40.800 --> 00:47:47.920 I can do the role of father but there's an aspect of reading something over you and then 554 00:47:47.920 --> 00:47:55.840 opening a door for you to come and have a raw real conversation and the thing that you need 555 00:47:55.840 --> 00:48:02.080 to understand is like you're not going to offend me. You wouldn't believe the things the colorful 556 00:48:02.080 --> 00:48:08.240 things that people have said or horrifying things that people have said you know to me as their 557 00:48:08.240 --> 00:48:15.680 father. You're not going to offend me. This is under the guys in the realm of the Holy Spirit. 558 00:48:15.680 --> 00:48:22.640 It's completely shut. Nobody's going to hear about it. This is about you getting the stuff 559 00:48:22.640 --> 00:48:29.040 that you've been carrying in your life out. Okay so it's a matter of what you feel most comfortable 560 00:48:29.040 --> 00:48:34.400 with. If you need to hear a female voice speaking this stuff over you then we'll have Ashley do it. 561 00:48:35.120 --> 00:48:40.160 If it doesn't matter to you then I'll do it. What would feel most comfortable to you? 562 00:48:41.920 --> 00:48:47.280 I think I do need to hear the female voice. Okay all right so I'm going to pray 563 00:48:48.400 --> 00:48:53.440 and then we're going to open the door and then when it comes to the next step of this 564 00:48:56.240 --> 00:48:59.840 I might give a little bit instruction and coaching of how to handle it okay. 565 00:49:00.800 --> 00:49:12.560 But I'm just going to pray. So Father, Lord Jesus, Holy Spirit, whichever aspect of you Lord will 566 00:49:12.560 --> 00:49:27.280 create the most secure, safe, loving place most secure for her. Lord I ask that aspect to be 567 00:49:27.840 --> 00:49:36.400 released over her now. That Holy Spirit that you would create the peaceful loving place 568 00:49:39.760 --> 00:49:45.920 and that you would lead and guide us. That Father we know that there's places of who you are that 569 00:49:45.920 --> 00:49:54.880 we don't know that you want us to. And for Rita today Lord I ask that you would lead us. 570 00:49:54.880 --> 00:49:59.920 That you would move through us though we're not her parents. 571 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:08.000 The Lord, there's a there's a business that you want to do with her so that you can enter into a deeper relationship with her. 572 00:50:08.000 --> 00:50:20.000 Those things are always available to her, but Lord that the obstacles would be removed today so that she can start to enjoy those aspects and relation in parts of who you are in Jesus name. 573 00:50:20.000 --> 00:50:28.000 Okay, so, maybe it's best to do the father first for this particular one. That's right. 574 00:50:28.000 --> 00:50:42.000 Okay, we can do that. So we'll do the father part first. Yeah. So what we do is whoever it is that that's talking to you know whether we're doing the mother or the father we just had that person on screen so so anyway. 575 00:50:42.000 --> 00:50:47.000 So I'm going to turn it over so you can see him. Okay. 576 00:50:47.000 --> 00:50:50.000 Let's do this. Okay. 577 00:50:50.000 --> 00:51:00.000 Whatever is most comfortable for you, you can look at me and or you can keep your eyes closed, whichever you feel most comfortable for. Okay. 578 00:51:00.000 --> 00:51:07.000 And so, Rita, I know I'm not your earthly father, but I'm going to stand in for him. 579 00:51:07.000 --> 00:51:10.000 I'm gonna read something over you and it. 580 00:51:10.000 --> 00:51:18.000 And a father's role, Rita is to protect to provide to bless and to establish his children's identity. 581 00:51:18.000 --> 00:51:24.000 Maybe your father did that for you. Maybe he didn't. 582 00:51:24.000 --> 00:51:30.000 Perhaps he abandoned you or abused you sexually, physically, verbally, or emotionally. 583 00:51:30.000 --> 00:51:36.000 Maybe he died before you were ready, or left you for some other reason. 584 00:51:36.000 --> 00:51:44.000 Maybe he made you his pet, delighting in you so much that you haven't been able to break away to be your own person. 585 00:51:44.000 --> 00:51:52.000 Perhaps he was distant, removed, or showed no interest in you, or he terrified you with his anger and rage. 586 00:51:52.000 --> 00:52:00.000 Perhaps he made you the scapegoat for all his troubles, so that you suffered for things other people did to him. 587 00:52:00.000 --> 00:52:05.000 Perhaps he blamed you for things that were not your fault at all. 588 00:52:05.000 --> 00:52:10.000 Maybe he worked too much or played too hard and never spent time with you. 589 00:52:10.000 --> 00:52:15.000 He missed your ball games, your dance recitals, or your spelling bees. 590 00:52:15.000 --> 00:52:26.000 Maybe he spent too much time with you, forcing you to become the athlete or student or doctor or lawyer you never wanted to be. 591 00:52:26.000 --> 00:52:30.000 Perhaps he left you in the care of hurtful, dangerous people. 592 00:52:30.000 --> 00:52:35.000 Maybe he didn't see or believe you when you went to him for help. 593 00:52:35.000 --> 00:52:41.000 Perhaps he was just too preoccupied with himself to see anything you wanted or needed then. 594 00:52:41.000 --> 00:52:44.000 I really don't know. 595 00:52:44.000 --> 00:52:53.000 If you're willing to hear the words of a broken father speaking to you, please close your eyes for a minute. 596 00:52:53.000 --> 00:52:56.000 I realize I am not your father. 597 00:52:56.000 --> 00:52:59.000 But please allow me to stand in for him. 598 00:52:59.000 --> 00:53:10.000 And in the place of your father, who may or may not have said any of these things, please allow yourself to hear these words. 599 00:53:10.000 --> 00:53:18.000 I ask your Heavenly Father to richly bless you in all the places I failed to bless you. 600 00:53:19.000 --> 00:53:34.000 I ask the Lord Jesus Christ, by the power of his cross and blood, to set you free now from any harsh or cruel words that I said to you, especially the ones you keep remembering over and over. 601 00:53:34.000 --> 00:53:38.000 I am so sorry. 602 00:53:38.000 --> 00:53:48.000 I ask the Lord to set you free from heart injuries you sustained from me or from others in whose care I placed you. 603 00:53:48.000 --> 00:54:00.000 I ask the Holy Spirit to set you free from heartache, disappointments, dreads, grief, terror, or rage you cannot resolve. 604 00:54:00.000 --> 00:54:05.000 I am so sorry for any other struggles I may have caused you. 605 00:54:05.000 --> 00:54:11.000 May you be healed from being ignored by me or overindulged by me. 606 00:54:11.000 --> 00:54:19.000 If I ever made you feel less than or not good enough, I am deeply sorry and ask you to please forgive me. 607 00:54:19.000 --> 00:54:26.000 May the Lord set you free from working so hard to please me when nothing ever would. 608 00:54:26.000 --> 00:54:33.000 May the Lord set you free from trying to get from me when I never had to give you. 609 00:54:33.000 --> 00:54:37.000 Rita, I'm so sorry. 610 00:54:37.000 --> 00:54:42.000 May the Lord set you free from blaming me for failing you. 611 00:54:42.000 --> 00:54:53.000 Not because I need that, but so you can be free to grow, to receive, to achieve, and to be creative in ways you have not yet imagined. 612 00:54:53.000 --> 00:55:00.000 May the Lord give you all the things I was unable or unwilling to give you. 613 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.000 May the Lord guide you in ways I never could and grant you peace. 614 00:55:05.000 --> 00:55:12.000 May the Lord free you from the effects of my addictions, my anxieties, and my anger. 615 00:55:12.000 --> 00:55:21.000 May the Lord free you from feeling that you have to always be perfect or that you have to be what I expected you to be. 616 00:55:21.000 --> 00:55:29.000 I pray that God will help you to see that the hurt and pain I caused you came from my own childhood. 617 00:55:29.000 --> 00:55:35.000 It limited me, and I'm so sorry if it has limited you. 618 00:55:35.000 --> 00:55:43.000 I pray that God will remove from you any belief that you were not wanted or loved. 619 00:55:43.000 --> 00:55:49.000 I pray that you have no doubt that you are the gender you were supposed to be. 620 00:55:49.000 --> 00:55:58.000 I pray that the Lord will release you from any unhealthy bond that you may have with me. 621 00:55:58.000 --> 00:56:04.000 I want you to keep all the good that came from me and give the garbage to God. 622 00:56:04.000 --> 00:56:09.000 My beloved daughter, I love you. 623 00:56:09.000 --> 00:56:12.000 I am so proud of you. 624 00:56:12.000 --> 00:56:15.000 I am so glad you were born. 625 00:56:16.000 --> 00:56:21.000 Take flight, my love. Soar into the heights of God's destiny for you. 626 00:56:21.000 --> 00:56:23.000 Fly free and live. 627 00:56:28.000 --> 00:56:37.000 Now, Rita, again, I know I don't, I maybe look like an old white guy. 628 00:56:37.000 --> 00:56:39.000 Sorry. 629 00:56:41.000 --> 00:56:44.000 But I know I don't look like your dad. 630 00:56:46.000 --> 00:56:49.000 But I'm going to stand in for your dad. 631 00:56:51.000 --> 00:56:56.000 And I want to open the door for you to come and to tell me. 632 00:56:56.000 --> 00:57:06.000 And if I were just to be, it's like how you feel, what was done, and just let it go. 633 00:57:06.000 --> 00:57:11.000 Don't rationalize. You're not dishonoring anyone. 634 00:57:11.000 --> 00:57:17.000 You're never going to probably ever say these things to your dad, and maybe you will, but in a different way. 635 00:57:17.000 --> 00:57:19.000 Okay. 636 00:57:19.000 --> 00:57:23.000 Again, have your eyes open. You can have your eyes closed. 637 00:57:23.000 --> 00:57:33.000 Ideally, if we were in a room together, you know, we'd be face to face and, you know, we'd be hugging and crying and snotting and all of that stuff. 638 00:57:33.000 --> 00:57:37.000 And, you know, but this is what we have. Okay. 639 00:57:41.000 --> 00:57:44.000 Okay. 640 00:58:12.000 --> 00:58:14.000 Okay. 641 00:58:20.000 --> 00:58:23.000 Well, am I just supposed to say what hurt me? 642 00:58:23.000 --> 00:58:25.000 Yeah, just like your dad. 643 00:58:25.000 --> 00:58:28.000 You hurt me. 644 00:58:28.000 --> 00:58:37.000 You did this to me you weren't there you did this. I was terrified of you. You said these things to me. You didn't do this for me. 645 00:58:37.000 --> 00:58:40.000 You didn't believe me when I came to you. 646 00:58:40.000 --> 00:58:42.000 You didn't believe me. 647 00:58:42.000 --> 00:59:02.000 You didn't believe me. 648 00:59:02.000 --> 00:59:17.000 It hurt when you called me names and I was made felt stupid that I couldn't do anything right. 649 00:59:17.000 --> 00:59:25.000 You didn't teach me you didn't teach me how to be a lady. 650 00:59:25.000 --> 00:59:42.000 That I was that I was worthy of more than what people thought of me. 651 00:59:42.000 --> 00:59:58.000 And you're angry you were you terrorized me as a child. 652 00:59:58.000 --> 01:00:00.000 I couldn't go to you and have a. 653 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.560 conversation. I didn't feel safe. 654 01:01:00.000 --> 01:01:07.600 There's a difference between discipline and abuse. 655 01:01:30.000 --> 01:01:40.000 You're doing great. 656 01:01:40.000 --> 01:01:46.000 Can I say I hate you? 657 01:01:46.000 --> 01:02:04.000 I can. Yeah, it's honest. 658 01:02:04.000 --> 01:02:16.000 I'm so sorry. 659 01:02:16.000 --> 01:02:19.000 I want to blow my nose. 660 01:02:19.000 --> 01:02:29.000 You can. 661 01:02:29.000 --> 01:02:34.000 So, all you have to do is remember. 662 01:02:59.000 --> 01:03:17.000 Okay. 663 01:03:17.000 --> 01:03:27.000 I wish you would have gotten help. 664 01:03:27.000 --> 01:03:32.000 That's great. 665 01:03:32.000 --> 01:03:36.000 Now I'm going to say some things. 666 01:03:36.000 --> 01:03:39.000 I'm so sorry. 667 01:03:39.000 --> 01:03:46.000 I never meant to be the agent of hurt for you. 668 01:03:46.000 --> 01:03:49.000 When I found out you were going to come into this world, 669 01:03:49.000 --> 01:03:55.000 I was so excited and frightened. 670 01:03:56.000 --> 01:03:59.000 I'm so sorry. 671 01:03:59.000 --> 01:04:02.000 I'm so inadequate as a dad. 672 01:04:02.000 --> 01:04:06.000 I never wanted. 673 01:04:06.000 --> 01:04:09.000 I was so afraid I was going to screw this up. 674 01:04:09.000 --> 01:04:13.000 I was a broken man. 675 01:04:13.000 --> 01:04:16.000 I never wanted my brokenness to be passed down to you. 676 01:04:16.000 --> 01:04:19.000 There's no excuse. 677 01:04:19.000 --> 01:04:24.000 I hurt you and I'm sorry. 678 01:04:24.000 --> 01:04:27.000 I'm so sorry. 679 01:04:27.000 --> 01:04:30.000 I'm so sorry that when I, 680 01:04:30.000 --> 01:04:43.000 my anger lashed out in ways that permanently scarred you. 681 01:04:43.000 --> 01:04:45.000 I'm so sorry for the way that as a man, 682 01:04:45.000 --> 01:04:49.000 I set a standard in a bar that was so low and misguided for you when you 683 01:04:49.000 --> 01:04:51.000 entered into relationships with other men. 684 01:04:51.000 --> 01:04:52.000 I'm so sorry. 685 01:04:52.000 --> 01:04:54.000 But I didn't know how. 686 01:04:54.000 --> 01:04:56.000 And the truth is. 687 01:04:56.000 --> 01:04:57.000 I didn't have it to give. 688 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.720 that you needed from me and I didn't give them to you. 689 01:05:06.560 --> 01:05:08.120 And I'm sorry that you hate me. 690 01:05:10.760 --> 01:05:14.520 And you have every justifiable reason to do so. 691 01:05:16.640 --> 01:05:20.080 I'm sorry that I didn't see you as the beautiful, 692 01:05:20.080 --> 01:05:23.560 creative, special gift. 693 01:05:23.560 --> 01:05:26.960 And that there were things that I hold in my heart about you 694 01:05:27.000 --> 01:05:29.200 that I am, it seems like I'm, 695 01:05:29.200 --> 01:05:34.200 every time I just screw it up when I try to tell you 696 01:05:34.200 --> 01:05:36.000 and you never received from me 697 01:05:36.880 --> 01:05:38.520 what was in my heart towards you, 698 01:05:39.520 --> 01:05:42.600 which was love and that you are a gift. 699 01:05:46.080 --> 01:05:49.960 Reid, I am so sorry for all that I did to you 700 01:05:50.880 --> 01:05:52.000 and all that I didn't. 701 01:05:52.000 --> 01:05:55.760 I'm sorry that I allowed my wounds, 702 01:05:58.400 --> 01:06:02.600 that my lack and the things that happened to me in my life 703 01:06:04.920 --> 01:06:06.360 bleed over onto yours. 704 01:06:08.240 --> 01:06:11.960 I'm so sorry for all that you brought up 705 01:06:13.600 --> 01:06:14.960 and all that you haven't, 706 01:06:16.160 --> 01:06:20.560 for all of my failings and that I hurt you. 707 01:06:22.080 --> 01:06:25.040 And that I never cherished you the way that you should. 708 01:06:27.200 --> 01:06:29.440 Reid, will you please forgive me 709 01:06:29.440 --> 01:06:31.400 for these things that I've done to you? 710 01:06:35.720 --> 01:06:37.080 Yes, I forgive you. 711 01:06:41.680 --> 01:06:44.960 Father, I come to you as a broken father. 712 01:06:48.720 --> 01:06:51.480 And I go before you on behalf of my daughter, 713 01:06:52.760 --> 01:06:54.240 in proxy of her dad. 714 01:06:55.520 --> 01:06:59.400 Lord, I ask you to forgive me for all that I've done 715 01:07:00.760 --> 01:07:03.160 and all that I've passed on to her. 716 01:07:03.160 --> 01:07:05.520 For all of my failings as a father, 717 01:07:05.520 --> 01:07:08.920 for the things that you wanted her to receive from me 718 01:07:08.920 --> 01:07:11.400 that she didn't and the ways in which 719 01:07:12.920 --> 01:07:16.600 I jilted her expectations 720 01:07:17.480 --> 01:07:20.400 and images of who you as a father really are. 721 01:07:21.400 --> 01:07:23.840 I ask that you would clean away 722 01:07:23.840 --> 01:07:28.200 and break the power of the words that I've spoken over her, 723 01:07:28.200 --> 01:07:29.640 that have limited her, 724 01:07:29.640 --> 01:07:32.600 that have shaped her thoughts about who she is, 725 01:07:32.600 --> 01:07:35.960 that have changed her thoughts about who you are as a father 726 01:07:35.960 --> 01:07:39.280 or men or what to expect in a spouse, 727 01:07:40.160 --> 01:07:44.480 especially as she's trying to raise two young men herself. 728 01:07:46.360 --> 01:07:49.000 I ask that you would break the power of these things 729 01:07:49.920 --> 01:07:53.240 to wipe away the hurt and the scars, 730 01:07:54.200 --> 01:07:57.600 that you would wash her mind, her heart, 731 01:07:57.600 --> 01:08:01.400 that you would come and heal the things that I did. 732 01:08:02.640 --> 01:08:06.600 And most of all, that you would start to fill in the things 733 01:08:06.600 --> 01:08:09.120 that she was supposed to receive that she didn't. 734 01:08:11.960 --> 01:08:14.080 That she would feel how special she is, 735 01:08:14.960 --> 01:08:16.800 that you would affirm the things in her 736 01:08:17.080 --> 01:08:20.520 and call them to life that have not seen the light of day. 737 01:08:24.520 --> 01:08:26.680 As your heavenly father, I bless you, Rita. 738 01:08:29.600 --> 01:08:30.960 I'm so proud of you. 739 01:08:32.720 --> 01:08:34.439 I'm so proud of who you are. 740 01:08:35.880 --> 01:08:37.760 I love you. 741 01:08:37.760 --> 01:08:40.240 I remember before the foundations of the earth 742 01:08:40.240 --> 01:08:41.359 that I knew you. 743 01:08:43.800 --> 01:08:45.160 I love who you are. 744 01:08:47.080 --> 01:08:48.880 I love how you come, you talk to me. 745 01:08:48.880 --> 01:08:50.120 I love your heart. 746 01:08:51.800 --> 01:08:53.680 I love the sound of your voice. 747 01:08:55.359 --> 01:08:57.960 I love the times when we used to dance together. 748 01:09:01.359 --> 01:09:04.479 You have no idea how many times you've touched my heart 749 01:09:04.479 --> 01:09:07.840 and how many tears I've cried alongside of you. 750 01:09:10.479 --> 01:09:14.800 I love every aspect of who you are and I bless you. 751 01:09:17.640 --> 01:09:22.640 Now as Ed, I'm going to ask father right now, 752 01:09:24.160 --> 01:09:25.680 I just break the power of the words 753 01:09:25.680 --> 01:09:27.359 that have been spoken over Rita. 754 01:09:29.680 --> 01:09:32.439 I break them, everything is hung over her like a curse. 755 01:09:33.520 --> 01:09:36.080 The words and the word containers, I break them 756 01:09:36.080 --> 01:09:38.720 that have had to seem to have a power over her life 757 01:09:38.720 --> 01:09:41.080 that she cannot get out from underneath them. 758 01:09:41.080 --> 01:09:43.680 I break the power of all the witchcraft and manipulation 759 01:09:43.680 --> 01:09:46.920 that has been used to exert control over her. 760 01:09:46.920 --> 01:09:50.600 And I just mantle all of the system of control 761 01:09:50.600 --> 01:09:52.319 that has been over her. 762 01:09:54.160 --> 01:09:58.080 I ask you Lord that you would bring deep healing to Jesus. 763 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.960 that systematically almost, even right now, 764 01:10:05.000 --> 01:10:09.480 that you would bring to her memory a painful moment, 765 01:10:11.520 --> 01:10:12.680 a painful time. 766 01:10:16.120 --> 01:10:18.820 And Lord, that you would walk into those memories, 767 01:10:20.280 --> 01:10:21.320 even right now, 768 01:10:24.280 --> 01:10:25.680 and you would bring healing. 769 01:10:26.660 --> 01:10:28.360 You would show her where you were. 770 01:10:30.840 --> 01:10:34.380 That you would reclaim her history, 771 01:10:36.640 --> 01:10:39.940 and that her history would become his story, 772 01:10:39.940 --> 01:10:42.200 your story in her life. 773 01:10:44.840 --> 01:10:46.440 That you would touch the wounds, 774 01:10:48.520 --> 01:10:50.000 that you would fill in the places 775 01:10:50.000 --> 01:10:54.720 that she needed to hear, the life, the living waters, 776 01:10:54.720 --> 01:10:56.880 into the dry fields of her life. 777 01:10:57.880 --> 01:11:01.120 Lord, if there's like a house within her, 778 01:11:01.120 --> 01:11:03.080 if there are whole wings of that house 779 01:11:03.080 --> 01:11:06.020 that have been shut up through all these years 780 01:11:06.020 --> 01:11:08.880 that have gone unexpressed, I ask you to open them today. 781 01:11:11.040 --> 01:11:13.920 I call the life, all the creative gifts, 782 01:11:13.920 --> 01:11:15.380 all the creativity. 783 01:11:18.000 --> 01:11:20.620 And Lord, and I speak to the little girl 784 01:11:20.620 --> 01:11:25.520 that I see in the dress, trying to get her dad's attention, 785 01:11:25.520 --> 01:11:28.400 wanting to hear about how pretty she is, 786 01:11:28.400 --> 01:11:31.680 as she's dancing around like a little ballerina, 787 01:11:31.680 --> 01:11:32.960 twirling her dress. 788 01:11:35.240 --> 01:11:38.400 I'm so sorry that you were never noticed 789 01:11:40.240 --> 01:11:41.860 whenever you felt invisible, 790 01:11:43.160 --> 01:11:46.660 or that you were an irritant instead of a gift. 791 01:11:48.720 --> 01:11:50.520 Lord, I ask there be a trade today, 792 01:11:51.520 --> 01:11:55.240 that we would trade the things that happen, 793 01:11:58.520 --> 01:12:00.040 and that Lord, you would give her everything 794 01:12:00.040 --> 01:12:03.060 that she has been withheld through all these years, 795 01:12:04.480 --> 01:12:08.240 and for all the other places where there's been injustice. 796 01:12:08.240 --> 01:12:11.960 As a father, Lord, where she needed to be protected 797 01:12:11.960 --> 01:12:15.200 and she wasn't, where she's been betrayed, 798 01:12:15.200 --> 01:12:18.540 stabbed in the back, where people have not walked 799 01:12:18.580 --> 01:12:23.580 in integrity, and as a man, as a father of sorts, 800 01:12:24.220 --> 01:12:26.540 and as authority figure, even within a church, 801 01:12:27.620 --> 01:12:30.080 in the body of Christ, Lord, I am so sorry. 802 01:12:31.300 --> 01:12:35.780 I ask you, Lord, to forgive me on behalf of all these men, 803 01:12:38.020 --> 01:12:40.860 the male leaders, the male figures, 804 01:12:40.860 --> 01:12:45.720 even the men that mistreated her and didn't value her, 805 01:12:46.560 --> 01:12:48.940 and set a bar that was far too low. 806 01:12:50.920 --> 01:12:54.880 Read, I ask you to forgive me, to forgive us, 807 01:12:57.480 --> 01:12:59.680 and Lord, that these cycles to be broken, 808 01:13:01.440 --> 01:13:04.960 that there'd be a new record, new expectations, 809 01:13:04.960 --> 01:13:07.160 and that these cyclic things in her life, 810 01:13:07.160 --> 01:13:09.480 even there's certain ones that even seem to be tied 811 01:13:09.480 --> 01:13:12.000 to the calendar, there's certain times 812 01:13:12.000 --> 01:13:14.400 where things always seem to circle back, 813 01:13:14.400 --> 01:13:15.600 that, Lord, that these things 814 01:13:15.600 --> 01:13:17.800 be completely dismantled today, 815 01:13:18.920 --> 01:13:22.100 and that you would shift her expectation into new heights, 816 01:13:23.280 --> 01:13:27.100 and that you would open the aspects of you 817 01:13:27.100 --> 01:13:29.760 that have been hidden, overshadowed, 818 01:13:29.760 --> 01:13:34.760 shut, miswired, mislabeled, and most of all, 819 01:13:36.840 --> 01:13:39.000 that you would surround her with your love, 820 01:13:39.960 --> 01:13:41.200 that you would touch her, 821 01:13:42.200 --> 01:13:45.160 and you would heal all the wounds, 822 01:13:46.720 --> 01:13:50.160 and break the oppression that's been sitting over her life, 823 01:13:50.160 --> 01:13:54.900 all the grayness, when it's supposed to be vibrant color, 824 01:13:55.880 --> 01:13:59.080 any place where her expectations have been far too low, 825 01:14:00.140 --> 01:14:01.520 or what to expect out of life, 826 01:14:01.520 --> 01:14:03.720 to guard herself against the disappointment, 827 01:14:04.760 --> 01:14:06.880 every standard that has been upheld, 828 01:14:06.880 --> 01:14:08.080 that has been hanging over her life, 829 01:14:08.080 --> 01:14:10.720 where she feel like she's constantly falling short, 830 01:14:12.000 --> 01:14:14.560 for those things to be dismantled and removed now, 831 01:14:16.920 --> 01:14:20.540 that she is fully loved, fully cared for, 832 01:14:22.740 --> 01:14:25.220 that she's loved completely right where she is, 833 01:14:25.220 --> 01:14:28.720 for who she is, and not just who she's going to become, 834 01:14:28.720 --> 01:14:31.020 but the woman that's in front of me right now, 835 01:14:33.680 --> 01:14:36.440 and not just a promise there to be beauty for ashes, 836 01:14:37.560 --> 01:14:40.800 but Lord, that you have written over her beautiful, 837 01:14:41.960 --> 01:14:46.960 I pray for the spirit of truth to reveal truth to her, 838 01:14:47.480 --> 01:14:49.520 and that you would bring great healing and wholeness 839 01:14:49.520 --> 01:14:52.300 to her Lord, in Jesus' holy name. 840 01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.540 How are you doing? 841 01:15:04.540 --> 01:15:05.040 Good. 842 01:15:08.040 --> 01:15:09.160 OK. 843 01:15:09.160 --> 01:15:10.000 I know it's a lot. 844 01:15:13.760 --> 01:15:15.720 I know it's a lot. 845 01:15:15.720 --> 01:15:17.880 Now we're going to move on to the mother, OK? 846 01:15:17.880 --> 01:15:18.600 OK. 847 01:15:18.600 --> 01:15:20.760 All right, I'm going to swing you over 848 01:15:20.760 --> 01:15:22.440 to the feminine side of me here. 849 01:15:30.000 --> 01:15:31.600 You doing good? 850 01:15:31.600 --> 01:15:32.100 Yeah. 851 01:15:35.680 --> 01:15:38.800 It's all very healing, but it's exhausting 852 01:15:38.800 --> 01:15:40.480 to work out the healing. 853 01:15:40.480 --> 01:15:42.720 Yes. 854 01:15:42.720 --> 01:15:46.920 All right, so I'll read the mother's blessing. 855 01:15:46.920 --> 01:15:53.320 And you can either open or close your eyes, whatever you'd like. 856 01:15:53.320 --> 01:15:56.600 All right, so a mother's assignment 857 01:15:56.600 --> 01:16:01.080 is to nurture, to love, to tend, to treasure, 858 01:16:01.080 --> 01:16:03.080 and to teach your children. 859 01:16:03.080 --> 01:16:06.720 Maybe your mother was wonderful, and maybe she wasn't. 860 01:16:06.720 --> 01:16:11.280 Perhaps she abandoned you or abused you sexually, physically, 861 01:16:11.280 --> 01:16:13.560 verbally, or emotionally. 862 01:16:13.560 --> 01:16:16.920 Maybe she died before you were ready or left you 863 01:16:16.920 --> 01:16:19.040 for some other reason. 864 01:16:19.040 --> 01:16:22.320 Maybe she made you her idol, delighting in you so much 865 01:16:22.320 --> 01:16:25.880 that you haven't been able to break away to be your own person. 866 01:16:25.880 --> 01:16:29.800 Perhaps she made you the scapegoat for all her troubles 867 01:16:29.800 --> 01:16:33.480 so that you suffered for things other people did to her, which 868 01:16:33.480 --> 01:16:36.840 frightened, hurt, or angered her. 869 01:16:36.840 --> 01:16:39.440 Maybe she came between you and your father 870 01:16:39.440 --> 01:16:43.160 or continually forced you to choose sides. 871 01:16:43.160 --> 01:16:46.720 Maybe she placed you between herself and her husband. 872 01:16:46.720 --> 01:16:50.840 Maybe she didn't protect you from him. 873 01:16:50.840 --> 01:16:52.760 Perhaps she blamed you for things 874 01:16:52.760 --> 01:16:55.560 that were not your fault at all. 875 01:16:55.560 --> 01:16:59.200 Maybe she insisted that you mother her instead 876 01:16:59.200 --> 01:17:01.440 of her mothering you. 877 01:17:01.440 --> 01:17:04.680 And maybe you felt important about that 878 01:17:04.680 --> 01:17:06.440 and did not realize you were becoming 879 01:17:06.440 --> 01:17:08.040 trapped and overwhelmed. 880 01:17:08.040 --> 01:17:10.880 And since then, you've been running on empty, 881 01:17:10.880 --> 01:17:14.280 not knowing what you need or want. 882 01:17:14.280 --> 01:17:17.760 Perhaps she left you in the care of hurtful and dangerous 883 01:17:17.760 --> 01:17:18.880 people. 884 01:17:18.880 --> 01:17:20.720 Maybe she didn't see or believe you 885 01:17:20.720 --> 01:17:22.920 when you went to her for help. 886 01:17:22.920 --> 01:17:25.560 Perhaps she was just too busy to see anything 887 01:17:25.560 --> 01:17:28.200 you wanted or needed then. 888 01:17:28.200 --> 01:17:31.240 I really don't know. 889 01:17:31.240 --> 01:17:33.680 If you're willing to hear the words of a wounded mother 890 01:17:33.680 --> 01:17:38.320 speaking to you, please close your eyes for a few minutes. 891 01:17:38.320 --> 01:17:41.400 I realize that I am not your mother, Rita. 892 01:17:41.400 --> 01:17:43.600 But please allow me to stand in for her. 893 01:17:43.600 --> 01:17:46.760 And in the place of your mother, who may or may not 894 01:17:46.760 --> 01:17:49.720 have said any of these things, please allow yourself 895 01:17:49.720 --> 01:17:52.240 to hear these words. 896 01:17:52.280 --> 01:17:55.040 My dear Rita, I know that the scriptures 897 01:17:55.040 --> 01:17:57.160 command you to honor me. 898 01:17:57.160 --> 01:18:00.200 I want you to know that you will honor me best 899 01:18:00.200 --> 01:18:04.280 by becoming and being all the Lord intends you to be. 900 01:18:04.280 --> 01:18:07.760 I ask the Lord to richly bless you. 901 01:18:07.760 --> 01:18:10.840 I ask the Lord Jesus Christ, by the power of His cross 902 01:18:10.840 --> 01:18:15.120 and blood, to set you free now from any harsh or cruel words 903 01:18:15.120 --> 01:18:18.480 that I said, especially the ones you keep 904 01:18:18.480 --> 01:18:22.360 remembering over and over. 905 01:18:22.360 --> 01:18:25.200 I am so sorry. 906 01:18:25.200 --> 01:18:28.040 I ask the Lord to set you free from heart injuries 907 01:18:28.040 --> 01:18:30.360 you sustained from me or from others 908 01:18:30.360 --> 01:18:33.040 in whose care I placed you. 909 01:18:33.040 --> 01:18:35.000 I ask the Holy Spirit to set you free 910 01:18:35.000 --> 01:18:40.760 from heartache, disappointments, dread, grief, or rage 911 01:18:40.760 --> 01:18:43.160 you cannot resolve. 912 01:18:43.160 --> 01:18:46.240 I am so sorry for any other struggles I may have caused 913 01:18:46.240 --> 01:18:47.320 you. 914 01:18:47.320 --> 01:18:50.280 May you be healed from being ignored by me 915 01:18:50.280 --> 01:18:53.080 or smothered by me. 916 01:18:53.080 --> 01:18:56.800 If I ever made you feel less than or not good enough, 917 01:18:56.800 --> 01:19:01.760 I am deeply sorry, and I ask you to please forgive me. 918 01:19:01.760 --> 01:19:05.240 May the Lord set you free from working so hard to please me 919 01:19:05.240 --> 01:19:07.480 when nothing ever would. 920 01:19:07.480 --> 01:19:09.440 May the Lord set you free from trying 921 01:19:09.440 --> 01:19:13.160 to get from me what I never had to give to you. 922 01:19:13.160 --> 01:19:16.000 I am so sorry. 923 01:19:16.000 --> 01:19:20.000 May the Lord set you free from blaming me for failing you, 924 01:19:20.000 --> 01:19:23.000 not because I need that, but so that you 925 01:19:23.000 --> 01:19:26.480 can be free to grow, to receive, to achieve, 926 01:19:26.480 --> 01:19:30.080 and to be creative in ways you have not yet imagined. 927 01:19:30.080 --> 01:19:32.280 May the Lord give you all the things I was 928 01:19:32.280 --> 01:19:35.720 unable or unwilling to give you. 929 01:19:35.720 --> 01:19:38.760 May the Lord guide you in ways I never could 930 01:19:38.760 --> 01:19:40.880 and grant you peace. 931 01:19:40.880 --> 01:19:45.560 May the Lord free you from any of my grief, fear, terror, 932 01:19:45.600 --> 01:19:49.040 anger, dread, and expectations you are still 933 01:19:49.040 --> 01:19:51.480 trying to live up to. 934 01:19:51.480 --> 01:19:53.200 May the Lord free you from feeling 935 01:19:53.200 --> 01:19:56.000 that you have to always be perfect 936 01:19:56.000 --> 01:20:00.040 or that you have to be what I expected you to be. 937 01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:07.080 I pray God will help you see that the hurt and pain I caused you came from my own childhood. 938 01:20:07.080 --> 01:20:12.560 It limited me, and I am so sorry if it has limited you. 939 01:20:12.560 --> 01:20:18.280 I pray that God will remove from you any belief that you are not wanted or loved. 940 01:20:18.280 --> 01:20:23.440 I pray that you have no doubt that you are the gender you are supposed to be. 941 01:20:23.440 --> 01:20:26.340 Please forgive me for not nurturing you. 942 01:20:26.340 --> 01:20:30.380 I pray that the Lord will release you from any unhealthy bond that you may have with 943 01:20:30.380 --> 01:20:38.380 me, and I want you to keep all of the good that came from me and give the rest to God. 944 01:20:38.380 --> 01:20:43.020 My precious daughter, I love you. 945 01:20:43.020 --> 01:20:48.300 I am so proud of you, and I am so glad you were born. 946 01:20:48.300 --> 01:20:52.140 Be released now to be the person that God created you to be. 947 01:20:52.140 --> 01:21:01.100 Be free, my love, and live. 948 01:21:01.100 --> 01:21:07.020 So now just think of me as if your mother was here. 949 01:21:07.020 --> 01:21:14.860 Allow me to stand in her stead and just be open and honest with how it is that you feel. 950 01:21:14.860 --> 01:21:19.100 Just express it, allow it to come out. 951 01:21:19.100 --> 01:21:47.420 How could you abandon us? 952 01:21:47.980 --> 01:21:54.460 And then when you came to visit, you were so mean. 953 01:22:00.140 --> 01:22:06.460 I remember when you told me not to smile just because my teeth weren't pretty. 954 01:22:17.420 --> 01:22:32.460 And then when you came to visit, you were so mean. 955 01:22:41.420 --> 01:22:46.460 And then my gut came from you. 956 01:22:47.980 --> 01:22:56.460 I see why you weren't supposed to be a part of my life now. 957 01:22:56.460 --> 01:23:21.500 So that's why I never called you mom. 958 01:23:27.020 --> 01:23:38.620 I'm done. 959 01:23:41.260 --> 01:23:47.500 I need to blow my nose. 960 01:23:56.460 --> 01:24:07.500 I'm done. 961 01:24:12.780 --> 01:24:21.500 Okay, sorry. 962 01:24:21.660 --> 01:24:26.060 So did I hear you right? You said you were done or was there anything else you'd like to tell me? 963 01:24:26.940 --> 01:24:29.420 You sure? 964 01:24:33.660 --> 01:24:35.820 So Rita, I am so sorry. 965 01:24:38.140 --> 01:24:39.900 I'm so sorry for what I did to you. 966 01:24:41.580 --> 01:24:43.180 I didn't feel that I was adequate. 967 01:24:44.540 --> 01:24:50.860 You felt too important, too significant for me to mess up, so I didn't try. 968 01:24:53.260 --> 01:24:55.420 And I chose to save myself instead. 969 01:24:55.420 --> 01:25:00.380 And that was the wrong choice because you're more important than that. 970 01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:09.440 I was meant to give you something from God and because I didn't do it, you didn't receive 971 01:25:09.440 --> 01:25:10.720 it. 972 01:25:10.720 --> 01:25:19.480 And I am so sorry for that because you're very precious and I felt it. 973 01:25:19.480 --> 01:25:27.680 And even being away from you, I always felt that connection between a mother and a daughter. 974 01:25:27.680 --> 01:25:35.440 So I come back because not having that connection is torment. 975 01:25:35.440 --> 01:25:46.000 And so I am so very sorry that I didn't give you of myself, that I didn't let you know 976 01:25:46.000 --> 01:25:53.360 that you are important, that I didn't show you who God had made you to be, that I left 977 01:25:53.360 --> 01:25:59.400 you to figure it out by yourself. 978 01:25:59.400 --> 01:26:07.240 I saw myself in you and there were things about myself I didn't like, and that made 979 01:26:07.240 --> 01:26:08.240 me afraid. 980 01:26:08.240 --> 01:26:15.320 But there were other things that I saw in you that I loved that were like me or like 981 01:26:15.320 --> 01:26:20.680 your dad or like your grandmother. 982 01:26:20.680 --> 01:26:26.440 And you have a special heritage that I'm very proud of and I liked to get to pass that 983 01:26:26.440 --> 01:26:32.120 on. 984 01:26:32.120 --> 01:26:37.640 Thailand is very special and you carry it in your blood and I'm sorry I couldn't tell 985 01:26:37.640 --> 01:26:43.760 you about it, but it is a special part of me that I did want to give you. 986 01:26:43.760 --> 01:26:50.680 You have so many good things in you and I'm sorry I couldn't show you what they are. 987 01:26:50.680 --> 01:26:58.720 I'm sorry you felt abandoned to try to figure them out and felt that they weren't there. 988 01:26:58.720 --> 01:27:07.760 And you really are very pretty and I've always thought that, but I didn't tell you, did I? 989 01:27:07.760 --> 01:27:10.760 And I'm very sorry. 990 01:27:10.760 --> 01:27:19.760 I'm sorry I wasn't kind. 991 01:27:19.760 --> 01:27:27.200 You're very smart and you're very creative and I want you to be those things. 992 01:27:27.200 --> 01:27:36.120 So be set free from me, from trying to meet some expectations. 993 01:27:36.120 --> 01:27:46.360 I want you to be free to be who you are. 994 01:27:46.360 --> 01:27:53.120 So Lord, I come before you as Rita's mom. 995 01:27:53.120 --> 01:27:56.560 You gave her to me. 996 01:27:56.560 --> 01:28:03.600 You birthed her through me, gave her my DNA, and she's very, very special. 997 01:28:03.600 --> 01:28:10.840 Give her all of the things that I didn't explain to her, that she could expect, that 998 01:28:10.840 --> 01:28:18.720 she could receive, that I didn't give her, and I pray that you would doubly bless her, 999 01:28:18.720 --> 01:28:22.880 that you would bless her with all the blessings that you would have given me and all of the 1000 01:28:22.880 --> 01:28:29.280 blessings that you've intended for her, that she would be doubly blessed because she's 1001 01:28:29.320 --> 01:28:35.920 my daughter, because she gets to receive all of the things that I could have asked for 1002 01:28:35.920 --> 01:28:36.920 from you. 1003 01:28:36.920 --> 01:28:42.240 Pray that she would feel very, very, very loved, that she would feel more loved and 1004 01:28:42.240 --> 01:28:49.480 more nurtured than she could have even felt from me if I'd been the perfect mother. 1005 01:28:49.480 --> 01:28:59.360 Help her to know and feel that she's pretty, to feel courageous, to feel confident. 1006 01:28:59.360 --> 01:29:03.720 Thank you for giving her to me. 1007 01:29:03.720 --> 01:29:11.800 Help her to release me so that she can be free, and help her to know that you forgive 1008 01:29:11.800 --> 01:29:21.200 me too, for to not carry any weight, any oppression, any bondage related to me and 1009 01:29:21.200 --> 01:29:25.480 my choices. 1010 01:29:25.480 --> 01:29:28.040 Make all of those broken places whole. 1011 01:29:28.040 --> 01:29:35.800 Fill all of those feelings of lack and void with your comfort, with expectation that you 1012 01:29:35.800 --> 01:29:43.400 will be there, that you want things to and intend to provide for things to be easy and 1013 01:29:43.400 --> 01:29:48.600 smooth where she feels taken care of and loved when she's sick. 1014 01:29:48.600 --> 01:29:52.560 Things that I would have done for her, pray that she would receive that from you now as 1015 01:29:52.560 --> 01:29:59.200 an adult, that she would expect to be comforted, expected to be loved on. 1016 01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:06.160 And for all of the rough, hard, sharp edges of the day to be smoothed out by you. 1017 01:30:09.360 --> 01:30:14.560 And I ask for your forgiveness, Lord, for not being for her what you intended, 1018 01:30:14.560 --> 01:30:17.600 for not giving to her what you intended her to have. 1019 01:30:17.600 --> 01:30:21.360 Help her life to be more blessed now. 1020 01:30:35.840 --> 01:30:42.480 Sarita, I'd like to ask you now if you will forgive me. 1021 01:30:42.480 --> 01:30:47.040 Yes, I forgive you. 1022 01:30:54.560 --> 01:30:58.080 Now, Sarita, as your heavenly father, I want to talk to you from 1023 01:30:59.920 --> 01:31:05.680 the mothering side of me, the nurturing and the comforting side. I want you to know 1024 01:31:05.680 --> 01:31:15.440 that I like to smooth the rough and the sharp edges of the day. 1025 01:31:17.360 --> 01:31:20.560 I like to comfort you when you're hurt. 1026 01:31:23.360 --> 01:31:26.400 And I like to make things easier. 1027 01:31:26.400 --> 01:31:38.240 I like to love on you. I enjoy our time together, and I am so, so excited and so grateful 1028 01:31:39.280 --> 01:31:46.960 and so pleased for when you choose to set aside all of your fears and you spend time with me, 1029 01:31:48.400 --> 01:31:52.400 trusting and hoping that I'm going to meet you, that I'm going to be there, 1030 01:31:52.400 --> 01:31:56.000 and that you're going to feel my love, that you're going to experience it. 1031 01:31:57.360 --> 01:32:05.680 Thank you for believing me, because it's hard with what you've seen in life and with what you've expected. 1032 01:32:07.120 --> 01:32:10.160 Thank you for making those hard choices to trust me. 1033 01:32:12.160 --> 01:32:17.520 I'm so very pleased with you, daughter. You've done very, very well. 1034 01:32:17.520 --> 01:32:28.800 You've done so good. You've done far better than your parents ever imagined. 1035 01:32:31.200 --> 01:32:34.880 And I'm so very pleased for the choices that you've made, 1036 01:32:36.880 --> 01:32:40.880 choices that you made for me. Thank you for loving me that much. 1037 01:32:40.880 --> 01:32:52.480 Lord, thank you for having given me the opportunity to stand in this place 1038 01:32:53.840 --> 01:33:01.440 and walk Rita through these things and be there for her as she has positioned herself, 1039 01:33:01.440 --> 01:33:06.880 Lord, very vulnerably to you to receive all of this healing from her mother, 1040 01:33:07.280 --> 01:33:17.040 from you about her mother, Lord, and pray that you would continue to guide her to help her feel 1041 01:33:17.040 --> 01:33:21.440 and experience the wholeness of all of those broken pieces finally coming together. 1042 01:33:22.640 --> 01:33:29.760 Pray that you would fill all of those voids and strengthen all of those weak places 1043 01:33:30.240 --> 01:33:36.560 that again, Lord, feel so vulnerable and so susceptible to hurt. 1044 01:33:42.160 --> 01:33:48.560 Strengthen her faith, touch her, show up in the room. 1045 01:33:50.320 --> 01:33:55.440 Holy Spirit, I pray that you would pour over her, that she would feel it like liquid oil, 1046 01:33:56.400 --> 01:34:02.880 that you would do it multiple times a day, that she'd feel especially comforted and excited 1047 01:34:03.760 --> 01:34:10.560 and anticipation of going to bed and to sleep every night, that she'd especially feel your 1048 01:34:10.560 --> 01:34:16.960 love and your comfort during those times, that she'd also feel it during the day, during hard 1049 01:34:17.040 --> 01:34:26.800 decisions, that she would experience, Lord, your comfort, that nurturing, that being loved on, 1050 01:34:27.600 --> 01:34:34.720 that being taken care of in a special way where you feel like someone else is warming you up. 1051 01:34:34.720 --> 01:34:42.080 You're not having to do it. Pray that she would, from this point on, Lord, receive a lot of special 1052 01:34:42.080 --> 01:34:48.720 experiences in all those things, experiencing your love, experiencing feeling nurtured and 1053 01:34:48.720 --> 01:34:54.160 comforted and paid attention to and felt pretty and beautiful and confident. And 1054 01:34:56.240 --> 01:34:59.840 pray that it would be more, Lord, than just faith. 1055 01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:09.500 More than belief, she really loves and appreciates being able to have experiences, 1056 01:35:09.500 --> 01:35:12.120 being able to connect with you in that way. 1057 01:35:12.240 --> 01:35:16.440 And so I ask Lord, very specially for her, that that's what you would give to her. 1058 01:35:18.900 --> 01:35:22.920 Pray that her life would just be more richly blessed from this point on. 1059 01:35:25.240 --> 01:35:26.240 Jesus's name. 1060 01:35:26.240 --> 01:35:36.320 And as her parents, though we're not together in the natural, Lord, we release her from 1061 01:35:36.320 --> 01:35:45.720 our judgments, from our criticism, and for any standards that we have placed over her 1062 01:35:45.720 --> 01:35:56.080 life and the control and structures of fear-based leadership and that those things to be demolished 1063 01:35:56.080 --> 01:36:07.120 and destroyed now, and Lord, in any place that there is a reaction to, or a fear related 1064 01:36:07.600 --> 01:36:18.000 to, that's attached to us in how she parents and who she imagines herself to be, and any 1065 01:36:18.000 --> 01:36:23.080 fear that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, that there's something that she's 1066 01:36:23.080 --> 01:36:29.120 trying not to become or get out from underneath, that's attached to either of us. 1067 01:36:30.640 --> 01:36:38.680 We ask you, Father, to remove her from those things and we release her from this stuff. 1068 01:36:40.880 --> 01:36:47.280 And Lord, and I now comes Ed, and I say, Lord, I call every fragment and piece of her 1069 01:36:47.280 --> 01:36:54.920 heart back. Lord, any soul ties that exist between her that are unhealthy between her 1070 01:36:54.920 --> 01:37:01.600 mother and her father, we ask that every part, unhealthy piece, to go back to where it came 1071 01:37:01.600 --> 01:37:08.480 from, any relationships that she's had, unhealthy, any relationships with men, even her ex-husband 1072 01:37:08.480 --> 01:37:14.880 from the past, where she feels like there's aspects of herself that are walking around and 1073 01:37:14.880 --> 01:37:19.680 not a part of her anymore, where she feels like there's less of her now than there used to be. 1074 01:37:20.280 --> 01:37:25.720 Lord, we command every place, we break those energetic soul ties with these people, and I 1075 01:37:25.720 --> 01:37:32.280 command every part of each one of these people to go back where they came from, dipped in the 1076 01:37:32.280 --> 01:37:40.320 blood of Jesus so they may heal. But most importantly, I call every aspect of Rita, every 1077 01:37:40.320 --> 01:37:48.560 part of her broken heart, from every plane, from every place, from every dimension, that angels to 1078 01:37:48.560 --> 01:37:55.160 go into the depths where part aspects of who she is has been hidden and anything that has been 1079 01:37:55.160 --> 01:37:59.760 stolen and lost to be returned with penalties and interest. 1080 01:38:00.000 --> 01:38:08.800 And I call all aspects of Rita and her heart back in Jesus name, dipped in the blood of Jesus. 1081 01:38:10.640 --> 01:38:12.680 And we call Rita back to wholeness. 1082 01:38:15.360 --> 01:38:17.400 We call her back to wholeness. 1083 01:38:19.720 --> 01:38:28.400 We call every aspect of her back to be integrated and to be whole now. 1084 01:38:30.000 --> 01:38:38.200 And with the speaking of my voice, we reclaim the midnight hour, the time where it used to be places 1085 01:38:38.200 --> 01:38:45.760 of terror, where there used to be beings in the room that would torment her at the nighttime, any 1086 01:38:45.760 --> 01:38:55.240 time that she even felt a presence, even physically, that manifested in her room, that made 1087 01:38:55.240 --> 01:39:00.080 sleeping a time that was not restful, a time of encounter and where dreams were something to be 1088 01:39:00.080 --> 01:39:02.400 feared. We break the power of that stuff now. 1089 01:39:02.400 --> 01:39:08.880 And even if there are things that she has not spoken to a single soul about. 1090 01:39:12.320 --> 01:39:17.760 Lord, that you know what I'm speaking about, that you would go and bring healing and we break the power of the 1091 01:39:17.760 --> 01:39:25.720 connection of those particular spirits and I command them to release her. 1092 01:39:26.000 --> 01:39:28.280 We break the empowerment assignment given to her. 1093 01:39:28.560 --> 01:39:30.800 We lift up her generational lineage. 1094 01:39:31.160 --> 01:39:35.720 We break the curse for those that have left the faith of the past religions. 1095 01:39:36.480 --> 01:39:42.280 Lord, right now, Lord, we break the power of these things and the penalties of these things. 1096 01:39:42.600 --> 01:39:48.360 And we command every enforcing spirit to release Rita, all the oppression to release off of her body. 1097 01:39:48.840 --> 01:39:54.480 The pinpricks that seem to happen from time to time, like there's little pieces of acupuncture that seem to be 1098 01:39:54.480 --> 01:39:57.360 happening. The Lord is stabbing pains, Lord. 1099 01:39:57.360 --> 01:40:00.000 The headaches, especially whatever on the right. 1100 01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:03.060 side of her head from time to time, we break the power of 1101 01:40:03.060 --> 01:40:05.220 those things now in Jesus name. 1102 01:40:06.280 --> 01:40:09.860 We speak, I speak to every vertebrae in her neck, her 1103 01:40:09.860 --> 01:40:14.100 cervical spine, the base of her skull, Lord, up and down her 1104 01:40:14.100 --> 01:40:18.080 back. I speak to her hips. And I say all of those things come 1105 01:40:18.080 --> 01:40:23.100 into alignment. Now, the full rehydrations of her discs, the 1106 01:40:23.100 --> 01:40:29.260 Lord, we call them back to align now in Jesus name. Foot pain, I 1107 01:40:29.260 --> 01:40:32.020 don't know what that is, Lord, whatever that is, Lord, to be 1108 01:40:32.020 --> 01:40:36.420 healed. Now, Lord release healing, their legs to come into 1109 01:40:36.420 --> 01:40:40.740 even length, that are gate to change the Lord even in her 1110 01:40:40.740 --> 01:40:45.100 joints where there seems to be early onset pain, Lord that 1111 01:40:45.100 --> 01:40:49.820 there shall be in her life. No arthritis, Lord that is going 1112 01:40:49.820 --> 01:40:53.780 to debilitate and plague her Lord all of the fogginess of the 1113 01:40:53.780 --> 01:40:58.540 mind to be released off of her now. The effects of the 1114 01:40:58.540 --> 01:41:03.260 witchcraft. Lord, we break the power of it now in Jesus name. 1115 01:41:06.020 --> 01:41:09.980 Lord that their angels would be assigned over her bed. That the 1116 01:41:09.980 --> 01:41:13.500 nighttime hour will not be a time of terror will be time of 1117 01:41:13.500 --> 01:41:17.180 encounter, a time for you to speak a time for you to minister 1118 01:41:17.180 --> 01:41:20.420 and to teach the Lord this very night that you will is a time 1119 01:41:20.420 --> 01:41:24.460 for encounter. Lord, her bedroom is a place of peace and rest, a 1120 01:41:24.460 --> 01:41:28.540 time of fellowship in love. Lord, we break the record and 1121 01:41:28.540 --> 01:41:33.580 the cycles of her past every day of her life up into this place 1122 01:41:33.580 --> 01:41:39.220 that it will not return to the way it was. Lord that this is a 1123 01:41:39.220 --> 01:41:43.980 time of anticipation and great healing. A time for you to speak 1124 01:41:43.980 --> 01:41:47.580 and encounter and meet with her. There's a place in the garden, 1125 01:41:47.580 --> 01:41:50.700 Lord, that you have reserved that you have created just for 1126 01:41:50.700 --> 01:41:55.820 her. With a seat next to you to come and sit with the sweet 1127 01:41:55.820 --> 01:42:00.940 smells of the flowers. Every flower in that garden are ones 1128 01:42:00.940 --> 01:42:05.260 that you place there because you know that she loves them. There 1129 01:42:05.260 --> 01:42:09.380 is a place that you have created just for her and you are waiting 1130 01:42:09.380 --> 01:42:13.460 patiently to come and meet with her and for her to come and join 1131 01:42:13.460 --> 01:42:17.860 you. And I pray this very night Lord that you would show her 1132 01:42:17.860 --> 01:42:23.260 what that place is. I bless her eyes, Lord. I ask you to release 1133 01:42:23.260 --> 01:42:28.540 the salve of the spirit to heal the things that she's seen. That 1134 01:42:28.540 --> 01:42:30.660 you would release the salve of the spirit over her nose. I 1135 01:42:30.660 --> 01:42:34.460 bless and dedicate her nose to you, Lord, that for the things 1136 01:42:34.460 --> 01:42:39.620 that she has smelled that trigger memories. Her ears, Lord, 1137 01:42:40.180 --> 01:42:43.620 to be healed from the things that she's heard. Her mouth that 1138 01:42:43.620 --> 01:42:47.380 has tasted things that it should not have. Her skin, her hands for 1139 01:42:47.380 --> 01:42:50.140 the things that she's experienced and felt that she 1140 01:42:50.140 --> 01:42:55.900 should not. And I bless and dedicate her senses to you. That 1141 01:42:55.900 --> 01:43:01.140 her senses to become golden. For her to be able to see in the 1142 01:43:01.140 --> 01:43:04.460 spirit, to see you and to see from your perspective. I bless 1143 01:43:04.460 --> 01:43:09.020 her smell, to smell your perfume, your cologne, to smell 1144 01:43:09.020 --> 01:43:13.500 the senses and the fragrances of the flowers in that garden. I 1145 01:43:13.540 --> 01:43:17.460 bless her ears to hear you more clearly. I bless her mouth to 1146 01:43:17.460 --> 01:43:22.340 speak forth your truth, to be able to worship and to see your 1147 01:43:22.340 --> 01:43:25.500 word released in power and things to happen. And I bless 1148 01:43:25.500 --> 01:43:28.500 her hands and all of her senses to be able to feel you, to 1149 01:43:28.500 --> 01:43:32.420 experience you. And that Lord, as she see the power of God move 1150 01:43:32.420 --> 01:43:36.940 through her, that the blind will see, the deaf will hear, the 1151 01:43:36.940 --> 01:43:40.740 lepers will be cleansed, diseases to be healed, the dead 1152 01:43:40.740 --> 01:43:44.540 to be raised. And that Lord, that you would uplift her gaze 1153 01:43:44.540 --> 01:43:48.420 to you. I bless her heart to be unified and one with you. I 1154 01:43:48.420 --> 01:43:52.500 bless her feet to no longer go her own way, but to go the way 1155 01:43:52.500 --> 01:43:54.940 you want, to show her the ancient paths, to show her the 1156 01:43:54.940 --> 01:44:01.020 right way. That you would shod her in the gospel of peace. That 1157 01:44:01.020 --> 01:44:06.620 the Lord, the Prince of Peace, to umpire peace upon her heart 1158 01:44:06.620 --> 01:44:09.340 and that the promise you gave the disciples, that my peace I 1159 01:44:09.380 --> 01:44:14.060 give to you, my peace I release to you, that I do not give as 1160 01:44:14.060 --> 01:44:18.580 man gives. That there are an aspect of your peace that like a 1161 01:44:18.580 --> 01:44:22.980 fog or an oil or an ointment to get into her that cannot be, 1162 01:44:23.220 --> 01:44:26.220 that cannot be shaken. And the Lord, that you would release 1163 01:44:26.220 --> 01:44:31.980 peace over her mind. And I bless her mind to be one with you, one 1164 01:44:31.980 --> 01:44:37.340 with your thoughts and Lord to her, to trust you and even 1165 01:44:37.620 --> 01:44:42.260 herself trusting aspects of you to come forth in which there 1166 01:44:42.260 --> 01:44:46.500 was fear and where she herself could not be trusted because 1167 01:44:46.500 --> 01:44:50.820 she is someone that you trust. We bless you, Lord. And we love 1168 01:44:50.820 --> 01:44:52.100 you in Jesus' holy name. 1169 01:44:57.140 --> 01:45:00.060 Now, there's one other thing we don't have time to do that I'm 1170 01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:07.600 I have Ashley send to you. It is a prayer called the slumbering spirit prayer. It deals with some 1171 01:45:07.600 --> 01:45:14.560 of the things we talked about. It's really good. If we had time, I would do it, but I would rather 1172 01:45:14.560 --> 01:45:20.160 check in with you and see how you're doing before we sign off just to make sure you're okay and see 1173 01:45:20.160 --> 01:45:27.760 if you have any feedback or anything. Okay. I know I'm good. I'm good. No, I appreciate it. 1174 01:45:28.560 --> 01:45:36.800 Yeah, that's a lot of that's a lot of that's a lot of tears and snot and all the good time. 1175 01:45:37.680 --> 01:45:45.600 And so if that that's like a currency in heaven, you know, and you know, there's a lot of things 1176 01:45:45.600 --> 01:45:52.240 that are going to shift a result of what you did today. Nothing around you everything around 1177 01:45:52.240 --> 01:45:55.920 you is going to change, but it's not the things around you that changed. It's you. 1178 01:45:58.160 --> 01:46:01.600 And you'll be more healthily be able to engage and do things. You're going to be more free. 1179 01:46:01.600 --> 01:46:07.440 They're going to enjoy aspects of God that you haven't, but you're going to notice that things 1180 01:46:08.000 --> 01:46:11.840 there's something different, but you're not going to be able to put your finger on it. 1181 01:46:11.840 --> 01:46:16.720 And the only way I can describe it to some people, and I feel like this might help you is 1182 01:46:17.280 --> 01:46:22.400 that I used to say that when I used to go on mission trips that you go there to help people, 1183 01:46:23.360 --> 01:46:28.960 but you're the one that changes. But for most for some of us, it's like you go home 1184 01:46:29.920 --> 01:46:33.520 and the God's hidden a present for you. You know, what's there in the house, 1185 01:46:34.480 --> 01:46:39.440 you but you don't know what it is. It's an aspect like that, that there are things that have 1186 01:46:39.440 --> 01:46:48.640 changed and been done in you. And just to be patient and I, I hope that, you know, for me, 1187 01:46:49.440 --> 01:46:55.120 there's always fruit when there's God. And so we cut you free from anything that was said 1188 01:46:55.760 --> 01:47:00.320 that wasn't from him. If there's any place, Lord, out of our own compassion, 1189 01:47:00.880 --> 01:47:06.240 out of our own souls that we spoke forth, we did anything that wasn't you, Lord, 1190 01:47:06.240 --> 01:47:10.640 remove those things now. Make sure you never, maybe she never remember. And if there's anything 1191 01:47:10.640 --> 01:47:17.040 that we didn't do that you wanted us to do, Lord, by the speaking of my word, let those things be 1192 01:47:17.040 --> 01:47:22.560 completed. And we give you permission. I think she would absolutely give you permission to 1193 01:47:22.560 --> 01:47:28.320 interrupt her night to come into her dreams and to finish the work that was begun today. 1194 01:47:29.280 --> 01:47:35.600 And we ask God that you would richly blessed Rita, our beautiful, beautiful sister, 1195 01:47:37.200 --> 01:47:43.680 a special treasure, a special treasure, and Lord, that you would reveal the hidden aspects of who 1196 01:47:43.680 --> 01:47:52.960 she is, that she herself can begin the journey to love Rita, including that little girl. 1197 01:47:54.480 --> 01:48:00.480 Somebody has to live the love that little girl and that little girl is her. And I pray Lord 1198 01:48:01.200 --> 01:48:05.840 that she needed love from everyone else that the day that she also find an aspect 1199 01:48:06.800 --> 01:48:14.640 within herself to love the little girl that is her so that she can begin that love, that life 1200 01:48:14.640 --> 01:48:20.640 love journey with you and for her to be able to love and appreciate herself the way that you do. 1201 01:48:21.600 --> 01:48:26.000 And I pray a special grace over her to be able to enter into that 1202 01:48:27.920 --> 01:48:30.160 because it's not easy and we don't really know how. 1203 01:48:30.320 --> 01:48:35.600 So bless you, Rita. If you have anything else you want to say, that's fine. If you don't, 1204 01:48:35.600 --> 01:48:41.440 it's okay. Be kind to yourself today. You'll be drained. You'll be tired. It's okay. 1205 01:48:42.240 --> 01:48:50.160 God believes in naps. Naps are holy. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. No, I appreciate it. Thank you. 1206 01:48:52.080 --> 01:48:56.960 Well, I didn't know what to expect today, but most likely you didn't expect this. So 1207 01:48:57.520 --> 01:49:02.960 like I told you, it's a good weird. It's weird, but it's good. Right. So, yeah. But there are a 1208 01:49:02.960 --> 01:49:09.680 lot of things that are just, trust me, you did more than you think. Yeah. You did more than you 1209 01:49:09.680 --> 01:49:17.360 think. And God is very pleased. And he's very, very, very, very, very proud of you. Yeah. 1210 01:49:18.560 --> 01:49:25.360 Thank you. And that's not just Ed's opinion. That's the truth. He's very, very, very proud 1211 01:49:26.160 --> 01:49:32.720 He's very, very proud of you. Thank you. Yeah. I appreciate it. 1212 01:49:36.000 --> 01:49:39.200 That's good to see you as always. Yeah. You too. 1213 01:49:40.800 --> 01:49:47.520 Well, I'm excited for you. I know that, you know, this is done a lot. You may, and like, 1214 01:49:47.520 --> 01:49:53.120 you know, remember that, that the majority of, of all of the shifting and the majority of all 1215 01:49:53.120 --> 01:49:58.800 of the healing is all subconscious that, you know, your, your spirit, your soul, and your body, 1216 01:49:58.800 --> 01:49:59.760 they know how to do things. 1217 01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:01.560 without us having to micromanage them. 1218 01:50:01.640 --> 01:50:04.360 They just function according to the way that God intended, which was to 1219 01:50:04.800 --> 01:50:09.480 service and to, I don't know, just do a variety of complex things 1220 01:50:09.480 --> 01:50:10.520 that we're not even aware of. 1221 01:50:10.520 --> 01:50:14.120 So, um, be very expectant because you've done it. 1222 01:50:14.680 --> 01:50:15.480 It's happened. 1223 01:50:15.960 --> 01:50:18.040 You've crossed me the choice. 1224 01:50:18.720 --> 01:50:21.320 And, um, so you're going to reap the rewards of it. 1225 01:50:21.320 --> 01:50:23.360 And the rewards of it are to receive more of God. 1226 01:50:24.200 --> 01:50:28.840 Let's see, you know, his inheritance because chains have been broken off. 1227 01:50:29.120 --> 01:50:34.760 So you can risk disappointments because you're not going to be disappointed. 1228 01:50:35.760 --> 01:50:38.600 So you can move forward with that expectation and that 1229 01:50:38.600 --> 01:50:40.880 anticipation that things will be new. 1230 01:50:41.280 --> 01:50:43.360 Things will feel new between you and the Lord. 1231 01:50:45.880 --> 01:50:46.400 I love that. 1232 01:50:46.400 --> 01:50:47.760 I'm looking forward to it. 1233 01:50:47.800 --> 01:50:48.360 Yes. 1234 01:50:49.560 --> 01:50:50.720 Thank you so much. 1235 01:50:50.760 --> 01:50:51.480 We love you. 1236 01:50:51.480 --> 01:50:52.480 Have a great day. 1237 01:50:54.080 --> 01:50:54.560 Okay. 1238 01:50:58.840 --> 01:50:59.360 Bye-bye.