Hello.
Good morning, afternoon.
Yeah, good. I'm not used to having any calls with you where it's actually light behind you.
Over transformations, she works, obviously. And what do you, what do you do, or it's in finance or accounting or something, accounts payable supervisor Yeah, that's right, that's right.
And finance is kind of accounting. Well, so that's the world I don't understand.
Yeah, well, corporate finance is kind of merged with accounting depending you have your CPAs, you know, and stuff like that but yeah I mean you always are having to mess around with accounts that actor, which is just inflows and outflows and cash
So I don't know the difference between accounting and finance but whenever I talk to anybody in that world, they get very upset if I say that they're in finance when they're really in accounting or vice versa.
Kind of like, well, depending. There's the accounting department but for those that are like accountants, there is a big difference is like a paralegal and a lawyer, like, they have to go and get certified.
There's a lot of education. Yeah, there's, they have to maintain their license there's like, you know, like, like why an MD wants to be an MD instead of a PhD.
There's a lot of stuff that goes behind it, they have to continue to stay on top of things.
I see. Okay, so I just, I don't know and I've had it explained to me before the difference and for like me I just forget. Now my mom's really good at it me that was not my world my world is not numbers, it's, it's letters and words.
I rely on another people I prayed actually for someone that the larger bring me someone who knew numbers because I'm like, Lord, I don't I don't want to have to always do the budget with someone else who enjoys doing that.
I'm very lost and intimidated by numbers I'm not intimidated by much, and I'm intimidated by numbers that are left a lot of knowledge. So, so we're actually catching her when she's not working.
She had to be very strict with herself and not work 14 days in a row, recently, and had to put her foot down with herself and not do it.
12 days in a row.
Yeah, last week and decided okay I'm not going to work.
Is that because of the demands of your job or because you're just.
Well, I don't want to put the term over you like a workaholic, is it because it's, it's the close of your, you know, your fiscal year or is the demands, we've been understaffed since I've been there and.
It's a lot going on right now. Yeah.
Are you, are you a salaried employee a contract employee and hourly employee salary. Yeah, it's my first time having a salary job. So, yeah, so you're working 1214 days in a row.
You know that's the same amount of money and stuff that's a lot I remember this is totally has nothing to do with our call today but I, I remembered when I was, I, we, my family moved to Florida when I was 19, and I took a job at the Marriott down the street.
And I walked there when I started my job 6am I had to be there at 6am, so I would walk to the Marriott every day.
And then I worked for the ranks and so when I was in banquets you at the time, you know, this is back in 1992, the base pay was like $7 an hour or $7 or $12 an hour which was a lot more than the other jobs that within it, and then you could make you know bonuses
and stuff and we became a supervisor, those types of not bonuses but those types of gratuities could be $2,000 for a large party or so you worked a ton of hours, and you can make a lot of money.
And then there was this entering into management thing.
And somebody did the math.
And when you took the amount of hours you made you worked.
And you divided it by how much money you now we're guaranteed to make a salary because you don't seem like you were going like this.
was actually lower than what they were making, you know, before, or, you know, you had to really make the strategic decision. Yeah. Is this if you were gonna ride it out or not because I was it's just didn't
It just didn't make sense.
Yeah.
Not that that's you or anything, but just what came to mind.
Yeah.
So her boss left maybe a couple of weeks ago, just randomly,
just texted her and said, hey, I'm no longer coming into work.
And when that happened, they doubled her department.
So she had five.
So more responsibility.
So it's just, I mean, they were that much understaffed,
but even that much understaffed, now they're having to train.
And so the point is, she's still having to work all of those hours.
So she's having to make very strategic decisions about how do I get my job
done while keeping appropriate boundaries?
And so she's, she's been boundaries.
Yeah.
So she's been making some very strong new decisions for her of like, how much,
you know, about her based on what she's beginning to believe about her value to the Lord.
And therefore what she's allowed, basically based on that value to create the word boundaries,
boundaries in work and whatever, like who owns her God and her or her job.
And so, but then how does she be responsible to her job?
So anyway, she's making those difficult decisions, but she's, she's that anyway.
So she's been making some very challenging new decisions and she's been very strong and
very brave to move into new territory recently.
So it's really big time for her.
Yeah.
So I know, well, that's the most I know about you right there.
I don't know anything now.
One it's because Ashley takes the whole confidentiality thing very seriously as do I.
And so I don't know.
I may have heard people's names.
I may have heard her talking from the other room.
I saw a list of names once it's right here on my desk.
Or when I do the morning things, it's where it is.
Casey, Christine, Kate, Lindsay, Liberty, Anita.
Okay.
All these different people.
So, and then for me personally, depending on what vein of ministry that I'm, that is
going to be required, I probably, it's just better that I don't know stuff.
Right.
So that I can kind of get a fresh kind of read on things.
And sometimes I get like a whole download of stuff before we, you know, like get on
a call or something and sometimes it's not.
And so all I say is that if there's anything that I say to you, I would just say, just
take it before the Lord.
You don't have to take it.
I'm not claiming to be a prophet.
I'm not.
I mean, even if I did or somebody, you know, you still need to go and test everything and
bring it before God.
And I just offer these things up.
And for me personally, I would rather go for it and share what I'm getting than to withhold
something because a lot of times the things that I get, not a lot of times, but they're
often the things that I'll get that seem to contradict the image that's in front of me.
And so for you, I really didn't get a whole lot.
And that's why I just wanted to kind of see where you are and stuff.
The only blips that I had before we jumped on was that I just heard business and education.
And so that I felt like kind of told me either things that are important to you or things
that you have a particular calling towards.
One was definitely business.
And then there was something about education.
Now, I don't know if that means that there's a teacher's anointing on you or that education
is important or that's something that you've done.
And the other thing that I had, I'm just throwing out is that I felt that there was something
formative that happened around the age of 14.
And I don't know anything beyond that.
I'm not saying that anything happened to you when you were 14.
It was an impression that there are some things that either happened to you, absorbed and that
in your life and some things that have been spoken over you, that it kind of been absorbed
into you, in a sense, as a belief system, for lack of a better term, that are part of
where you're at now.
Like, I feel like some of those things are coming to a head and that it would seem to
be interfering with what you're trying to do, maybe with Ashley, for instance.
But actually, those things coming to the surface now is God's way of dismantling those things
as part of his plan to develop you, to prepare you for the things that he has ahead of you.
Because the challenges and the trials that you're facing right now
are the things that God's using to develop you
and to instill things in you that you don't have
that you're gonna need for what he has next for you.
Because I don't know what the next step is for you,
but the accounts payable job, doing two jobs at once,
working 14 days in a row
is not gonna be your end all thing.
This is a season and this is not your future,
if that makes sense.
So with that in mind, I don't know if there's anything
that I said that has any meaning to you,
but I just kind of wanna see where you are
and if there's anything that God's bringing up
in your life right now.
And one question I do have,
forgive me for asking this question,
but what's your country of origin, your ethnic background?
My mom's from Thailand and my dad's French Canadian roots.
Yeah.
So where'd you grow up?
I grew up in Arizona, Tucson, Arizona.
Yeah, my dad was Air Force.
Okay, French Canadian, Taiwanese grew up in-
Thailand, Thailand, yeah.
Oh, Thailand, okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I don't know anything about you.
I don't know what you're going through.
I don't, other than what Ashley just shared with me.
So what, where are you, what's going on with you?
Did anything surface or resonate with anything I said,
especially like the 14 year old kind of thing or what?
Yeah, I think at 14,
yeah, I thought my value was based on men and what they,
yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I put a lot of emphasis on having a relationship
at that time, you know, of the teen years
and trying to find love and value there.
I don't know if it was at 13 or 14,
I decided to stop talking to my mom completely
around then too.
She's just in and out of my life periodically.
She never lived with us.
I mean, as far as I remembered.
Yeah, and then the teaching thing,
I was pursuing teaching for a little bit
and then I got off track
and I remember having a dream of dropping a baby
and I was like, oh, is that my,
me like giving up this dream of teaching?
Like, I care for children,
but I don't feel like I have the capacity to nurture them
because I wasn't nurtured.
So I stopped pursuing that for a while,
or a while ago, probably three or four years ago.
But yeah.
Yeah, well, one of the impressions I had,
and this is, I use the word specifically,
like if I feel like I have a word,
like the Lord told me or whatever, I will say that.
I won't ever say, thus saith the Lord, okay?
But an impression is an impression.
And one of the impressions I had was
that there were things that you were interested in,
I would say have a calling in or a real aptitude for
that either were discouraged or not encouraged
and that you kind of lack the confidence
to walk forward in those things.
And that could be, I felt that that wasn't just,
you know, business, but it had to do with,
there were God-inspired desires in your life
that weren't being expressed.
And I'm not saying, for instance, that's teaching, okay?
But that's what reminded me of earlier this morning,
something that had come to me.
And because when you were talking about it,
it didn't seem like you said,
well, I was exploring teaching,
but I really just decided this was not for me.
Like, you know, like, oh Lord, I just,
I found out that teaching is like paint dries,
nails on a chalkboard, not for me, right?
That wasn't the impression that I had of what you're saying.
It was like, it was something you started perceiving
and then you're like, oh, you know, you,
and you weren't sure if you're supposed to go back to it.
But those were the two words that I heard specifically was
there was business and there was education.
And it didn't mean that you,
I think that my impression was
whether education's important to you.
not, and you were going to be a teacher in the sense of like a vocational teacher, that there's
a teaching gift that you possess. And if that's an aspect of who you are, and I think that that's
something that maybe in your current life is going unexpressed, that would be one thing.
So you were raised by your dad, is that what I'm understanding? Yes, yeah, yeah.
And what is the story with your mom? What was your childhood like?
Well, my dad raised three of us and we're all close together. My brother's just
11 months older, my sister's just two years younger, and my dad met her while he was stationed
in Thailand, brought her back to the States. And by the age, I was three, my brother was four,
my sister was like one. She abandoned us to go find another military man to whatever.
And so, yeah, it was just my dad. But unfortunately, my dad was, I guess, old in
tradition where he didn't nurture. And so we were just a bunch of wild animals running around.
That's how I feel like me and my siblings, we've all had like a run in with the law, just trying to
find ourselves and stuff like that. But yeah, my mom would visit once a year, and it was not a
pleasant experience whenever she visited, just negative memories. Yeah, yeah.
And what's your, again, forgive me if I'm prying, okay? You know, you can tell me like,
I don't know you, I don't feel comfortable talking to you. And honestly, I don't get
offended. But if it's like, I don't feel comfortable talking to a man about it. Okay,
that's totally fine. All of that is totally fine. Not gonna offend me. But what's your relationship
status? Let's put it that way right now. And are you in a relationship? Are you married?
No, I haven't been dating in over two years now. Yeah. I've been divorced for 11, 12 years.
How early did you get married? I was 22.
And you were married for how long? Nine years.
Okay. Was it healthy? Not healthy? No, he was always abandoning or cheating on me.
So I always felt like, in a state of anxiety every six months, because I'm like, Oh, he's
gonna leave me or something's happening. You know? Yeah. And every time I got pregnant,
he definitely abandoned me. So do you have children? Yeah, I have two boys at 18 and 13.
How are they? Um, 18 year old is healthy. You know, he was going through a hard time in his
teen years. So yeah, so I, I had custody when they were young, but then he got custody when the
oldest one turned 13. So and then, yeah, and then he begged to come, the oldest one begged to come
back living with me. And he finally did before he left for college. But yeah, no, he's healthy now.
He's happy and independent. And yeah, way better than, you know, that it was concerning, like he
had become suicidal before he came back to live with me. So and then the younger one, I feel like
he's going through another divorce right now, because his father just actually had been separated,
but living with her for two to three years, and I just found that out now. She finally kicked him out,
like, a couple months ago. And so my little one, you know, he's, he's very quiet now.
But he's different than the older one, because the older one couldn't didn't have any friendships.
The younger one has friendships. So, but they seem, oh, they seem pretty good. As far as I know,
like, yeah, they're not acting out in bad ways or anything.
And your relationship with your father is.
Um, it's good at from a distance, he's in Arizona or Oregon.
But he.
We know he loves his son.
Um, so I, I, it's very surface level whenever we talk, you know, I've tried to tell him about the Lord, and having a relationship and stuff like that but he just gets quiet or, you know, when we talk about anything of substance, or any.
Yeah, we just keep it at politics and baseball.
So, yeah.
And did you feel loved and did you feel safe growing up.
No, no.
I, I used to have nightmares
all the time.
Now, I basically see the demon in him.
In my dreams.
But,
I've forgiven him and, you know, but, yeah, he was kind of a terrorist to us.
I'm so sorry. Yeah, okay. I mean he's not the worst guy but I meant like just discipline was not not healthy.
Yeah.
Well, um,
I don't know how else to say this like I, I want to be careful, how I express things sometimes, because it can seem like I'm generalizing things.
But I'll notice some themes. Okay.
That's something that God has his hand on, for instance.
And for the third time, in a sense, I'm, I'm going to talk about the, as you, you know, about what impact.
Our parents have on our lives, and you being a mom, I'm not a natural father, not that I'm aware of, I have my wild days also but as far as I know the joke used to be a joke it's not funny, but you know, I'm not a dad, as far as I know, right, that would
be the joke.
In my BC days that would be our job. Okay, but the reality is I'm not a natural father but I am kind of a spiritual father, and that place of father tends to be the primary place, much to my bewilderment, the, the place that I'm that I ministered out of the
most, and the place. One of the places of greatest impact that I that I've had. And my sense for you in a way, is that there are things that weren't affirmed and called to life in you
that needed to be, and that though they may be present in your life, because they weren't encouraged and fostered they weren't grown and because they weren't grown and affirmed, then there was the lack of confidence and then maybe weren't valued
and enough value placed in them. And those things kind of are like a bit dormant and an unexpressed, and that one of the roles of a father is to call your identity to life is to help establish in a confident way, and to protect you and to create
security, and the mother's role is also to protect, but it's to nurture and to provide that caring loving environment.
And the two aspects of those people are represent in a way who are Heavenly Father is who's the perfect mother and perfect father and no matter how great.
No matter how great a mom you are.
Grace of God be upon you. Right.
On your best day.
You still will never measure up to, to our Heavenly Father. Okay.
So the Heavenly Mother and Father, create an image or an expectation of, of what our Heavenly Father would be.
And,
and will impact
largely how we see him.
I've heard this before, like if you were to sit, and I, you know, I, I've witnessed this I've done this many times like if I were to ask someone who are the Trinity Trinity Do you feel that you can relate to most almost unanimously, you know the large percentage
I would say, I don't know making this up because you're a numbers person, I'm going to say, say it's like 70%.
Okay, Jesus. I feel most comfortable Jesus. I love Jesus, you know, and there's a lot of aspects that people can represent, but even women in general can really connect to him in a way that as a man we can't, you know, the bride of Christ, that he's pursues you.
He, he's kind of the standard to which, you know, things are measured to.
And then the next one. If you're have any charismatic background. If you're Baptist probably this wouldn't be the answer, but it would be the Holy Spirit.
And even then to see the Holy Spirit as a person is a little kind of stretchy for people but we'll say that's like 20%, maybe 22 and a half percent or something and then they're the rest is like kind of like the father.
He's like this. At a minimum, he's this enigmatic figure that we don't really understand other than Jesus said if you saw me you've seen the father, but the reality is, for most of us, we had a father.
And we had a mom.
And those relationships will create kind of an expectation of who and how we see the father. So, like for me, is an example, my dad's great guy, you know, in a lot of respects and he's doing amazing things for the Lord and stuff right now it's, it's great.
Okay. But my dad was an angry guy.
Now he wasn't necessarily abusive in the sense that he, he beat us and all those types of things, but he learned in an early age.
One there were things that he didn't understand he had PTSD and stuff like that. But there were things that he learned to harness his anger and to use his anger.
And so there was always this next battle, you know, he would use it to kind of get himself psyched up there's this thing, and I could see this destructive force in my dad, right, and I knew what it was to be afraid of my dad.
And so when like the fear of the Lord and all of that stuff was being discussed. It was like, to me that was like, I knew what it was to be afraid.
And I was like, why in the world would I want to have the fear of the Lord because I know what it is to be angry I'm having a hard enough time trying to connect with God as a father as it is, as an example, right.
So, if your expectation if your, if your experience with a father, no matter how great he was in so many other areas is that he was like a terrorist and you had nightmares and you'd feel safe.
You didn't feel affirmed.
And you didn't you lack the nurturing and the things that your mother was supposed to provide for you, which is another aspect of who our father in heaven is, then it's going to be very difficult for you to be able to engage, other than intellectually with
some things to be able to receive from God the things that he's wanting you to receive, whether it's your love, whether it's love security, safety, and, or to maybe even be engaging with some of the things that Ashley's trying to talk about, where it's like I
understand the concept, but how do I actually, I'm not experiencing these things like and I don't know why I just seems to be this barrier this blockage here that I don't understand.
All right. The other thing is that when
I would ask, I probably would. Will I may still ask this question.
You know, I had a, I had a, everybody's had trauma, to some extent. Okay. And I've had.
I had a sense that you would had you'd experienced more than your share.
You know, that doesn't mean that you are because most people, when they think of that they think of sexual abuse. They think of some massive thing that's taking place.
And those things may have actually happened.
But the thing is that what people don't realize is that there's trauma and trauma be trauma is a trauma that everybody thinks.
And that trauma is, you know, I saw someone hit by a bus in front of me I, I, you know, I was a, you know, sexually abused, I was, you know, rape or beaten or mugged or had a violent car accident or something along those lines.
But trauma be is the trauma that is the things that you were supposed to receive and you never did.
Now I started, you know, I don't know if actually you don't know what you know of me but I started in a place of inner healing. I started with a place called Christian healing ministries, wonderful place.
Very loving.
and caring and solid.
And he, Francis McNutt was a paragon of healing.
And then he married Judith
and Judith was a mental health counselor.
And the two of them came together,
Christian Healing Ministry was born.
So very, very solid in the whole inner healing thing.
And that's part of what I learned.
And one of the things that she would say
and other people that teach these things say
is that most people think
that the things that have happened to us,
they create trauma.
You know, my dad saw his first dead body at five, okay?
He thinks of that as his normal part of life.
The reality is that shaped his life
and he had nightmares his whole life.
When he would hear thunder, my parents were dating,
my dad would jerk.
And he would say, that sounds just like mortar fire
because he lived through the revolution in Cuba, okay?
Most people think of those things
as the hardest things to heal and it's actually not.
The things that are hardest to heal,
typically the most stubborn are the things
that's the trauma B,
the things that you were intended to receive by God
and you did not.
The good news is that there's healing for those things.
That this isn't a sentence that you have to kind of walk out
that there's these place of deprivation in your life
that you're forever gonna have these empty tanks
going forward and that's just not true.
That's not God's heart for you at all.
And the other thing I wanna say
is I'm heading towards something here
is one, to assure you that for some reason,
God has his finger on this particular aspect.
Okay, I'm not gonna talk about other sessions
and things like that, but I'll tell you
that in almost every one,
some aspect of the Father God
in dealing with this arena has come up
in either largely the prominent thing
or in some respect in every session so far.
It's like, it makes me paranoid.
Like, am I just fixated on this one thing or what?
But I'm telling you, it's like really on God's heart,
this aspect of things.
And one thing that I wanna say as we wade into this topic
is that there's the wounds that happened in your life
that need healing.
And we'll say like, I have been in spiritual cultures,
I'll say that are in the kind of like get over it.
You know, rub some dirt on it and get over it.
And there's an aspect of that where we can't fixate
and stay stuck and blame people for our issues.
But the get over it thing is just,
well, let's just say it's not nurturing, right?
It's not reality, it's not truth, okay?
There are certain things that we get over
and some things that we just carry with us,
wounds, scars, and they impact our decisions,
they impact how we see people
and they impact how, for instance,
it would impact how you see men.
It would, if you have not had security,
then the security is gonna be what you were looking for
your whole life and it seems to be so elusive, you know?
Or as a parent, and I will call this reactive parenting,
we'll meet those who've had certain things happen to them
or not, and so then they will develop a parenting style
in reaction to that, but the reality is,
in a spiritual principle that what you judge
comes back upon you, you know?
And so in a way, this thing, I look at it like a pole
and a rope tied to it, and this part being you,
we're trying to not do this thing
and we're slowly, we're just wrapped around the pole,
and then at some point, we end up saying
the very same thing that we swore we would never say,
doing the thing we swore we'd never do,
and it's like, how did I get to be my mother or my father
or whatever the case is, does that make sense?
Yeah.
And so my sense with you
was that there were some formative things,
and I don't mean, and like I said,
these things could have happened.
There could have been abuse.
There could have been some trauma in that respect with you,
and if it is, I'm so sorry,
and I am not glossing over that in any way, okay?
But I felt that there were some formative things
in your formative.
years that happened that shaped you and your belief system, one, cutting life off like
a tourniquet to some areas that needed life. And that includes some areas of you that need
expression. And that also shaped your expectations and some of your fears and structures, and
we will call those kind of like belief systems or strongholds in your life that you don't
know where they came from, why they're there, or you might know that they're there, but
you don't know how to deal with it. And this stuff is so far in the past, right? But, and
the other last thing I want to mention is kind of setting all this up is no matter how
great your parents were, or are, or no matter how big of a 180 they do, right? I mean, a
lot of people that was like, my father was an alcoholic, super abusive, did all these
things. Here he gets saved. Now he's been sober for 15 years. And I have a different
relationship with my dad now. So that means that everything's okay. The reality is that
they're still suffering. These things are still unhealed in their life, which is shaping
them today. And because of where their dad is now, they don't want to touch this stuff.
They feel guilty. They don't want to talk about it, or they can't confront their dad
about it. They can't talk to their dad about how wounded they have been because of them,
because that guy's not the same person anymore. Or maybe they've passed away, or they don't
have a relationship with them anymore. Right? But, but there's an actual, there's a way
in which you can, you can address these things and receive healing for these things. And
so when we, when we kind of move into where I feel like I'm being led to go, understand
that if you're talking about stuff involving your dad, you're not talking to your dad in
way and you're not dishonoring him or your mother by just being honest about how stuff
affected you. Okay. And so one of the, is this all making sense to you? Yeah. Okay.
And if I'm telling you stuff that you know, and I'm boring you to death, forgive me. Okay.
But so one of the good, weird, I call good, weird, there's, there's weird, weird, weird
is bad, weird, and there's good, weird. Okay. So one of the good, weird things that I learned
from my time at Christian Healing Ministries, known as CHM, was this aspect of mother, father
wounds. Okay. And there was something that they did, which was really good, weird, and
very stretchy for me. And it was called the mother, father's blessing. And how that function
was they would have a representative mother and a representative father, and they would
stand in front of the room and they would read kind of a general blanket of repentance,
asking forgiveness for some things and releasing a blessing over them as a mother, as a father.
And then around the room, there will be representative mothers and fathers. And though they're not
your actual parents, they're going to stand in for your actual parents. They're going
to stand, they're going to, they're going to, they're going to stand in for your mother,
you're going to stand in for your father, and then the opportunity to come forward and
to tell them the things that you probably can't actually say in real life. You know,
you hurt me, you abandoned me, you were supposed to do this and you didn't. The things that
are really honest and hurtful, and that you've carried, and then because you can't, or they're,
you're afraid, or they won't receive it, or because they were doing the very best that
they could, but their best still left you lacking, afraid, scared, and whatever else
that was there. And this opens the door in the presence of the Holy Spirit, for you offload
these things, so that you're not carrying those things anymore. And then, you know,
you then are blessed, you know, these things are dealt with, the healing begins, and then
the Father starts to pour in to the areas that
have been like, for instance, nurturing,
and then doors for actual safe nurturing
will be open to you that maybe seemed like they were closed.
So I guess what I'm saying is I kind of feel like
this would be a good thing for you today.
How do you feel?
Yeah, I think so.
I mean, I do feel like there's still,
I mean, my thoughts even do it, remind me of stuff.
So I do think I need a deeper inner healing, yeah.
So do you have any background in any healing?
Have you done any of it?
Just kind of like regeneration,
just kind of accepting some things
and then accepting the things,
how I've reacted and created my own hurts too.
But I have been thinking of talking to my father
and like, well, how did grandpa raise you?
Like try to help him understand.
You know, I don't, you know, I mean, I'm a mom,
so I still even remember the things that I failed in
and I've had to, you know, no condemnation
and like pray over those things and stuff.
So I would think, I don't know if they still,
I guess, haunt him too or, but yeah,
just see if he would ever acknowledge it
because I mean, my sister is, yeah, we're all wounded still.
Yeah.
Yeah, you know, it's a strange thing.
You know, we go through these phases in life,
you know, like I thought that I had the best childhood
known to man, you know, I thought it was amazing
and it was better than everybody else, but it's all I had.
And, you know, I thought my dad was Superman
when I was a kid, strong and like,
I would tell everybody, my dad is the best dad in the world
and he's the strongest person in the world.
And they would say like, well, who told you that?
And they were like, well, he did.
And it would be like, well, that's his opinion.
That's not, and I was like, well, I don't understand.
Like, and then you start getting a little independence
and then you, for a lot of people and myself included,
like my dad and mom got married at 22 and 20
and then like 13 months later, I was born.
15 months later, my brother was born.
And for me, that was the idyllic life.
Like they were two kids.
My mom was 22, 23 years old and had two kids.
They were poor and the whole thing.
And I thought, oh, until I got to be about 21, 20, 21, 22.
And then I'm like, they were crazy.
I could barely take care of myself.
Like how in the world?
And you start to see your parents as people more and more.
And that can create friction.
That can create frustration.
There's also allowing yourself to be honest enough
to realize like, hey, they screwed up.
They hurt me.
They fell short.
And then also a realization that
I'm trying to think of a Christian way
of saying that statement, you know,
poop runs downhill, you know?
Like, and that as my old pastor used to say,
like nobody just, you know, decides
or finds out they're gonna be a parent
and then decides, you know what?
I can't wait to screw up these kids' lives.
And that most of the time they're doing the best
that they can, but they're just broken people
trying to do better than what was done to them.
And sometimes they succeed and sometimes they don't
but they're gonna fall short regardless.
And so like what you're talking about with your dad
is very mature and very true.
And he probably did do the best he could.
And he probably was in his own area of deprivation.
And there were things that he probably wanted to do
but had no capacity or understanding
of how to do those types of things.
And, you know, if you just even go back a generation or two,
the World War I and World War II generation,
they were very much strong, get over it, move on.
We don't talk about our feelings and all that kind of stuff.
stuff you know and but the reality is like even with your dad that what I'm getting at with this
time that I'm talking about for you is that it's the time for you to be honest
in a way that you can't be with your dad because you understand he's just a broken kid.
He was probably not cared for abused not unloved wanting attention in these things
and and one thing I want you to really get is that these things aren't wants.
They're things that you're designed to have that your father in heaven designed you to need
and he wanted provided to you and that it wasn't given and there is no condemnation. This isn't a
judgment upon your mom and your dad okay but this is an opportunity that he's opening to you
for you to have closure and healing so that you can move forward and that you can and he is
desperately wanting you to be able to enjoy a faster relationship with him that you've been
unable to so far. Okay yeah okay so since you have I would say wounds on both sides
the challenge becomes because Ashley until yesterday had never even seen this happen.
I can either it's going to be a stretch because chances are I don't look like your dad right?
Chances are. Yeah you do. Oh I do. I'm not no not now anymore but I mean old white guys I mean.
An old white guy. I mean you got a little skin color. I'm half Cuban thank you very much.
I know but old people get white and they just yeah and they all transform. Sweetheart I need
to I need to start going to the tanning bed because now I'm an old white guy. Now you have
some color on you. I'm an old white guy. Sorry. Yeah that's hilarious. So the point is I've done
both and it's a matter of what you feel most comfortable. You know I can have Ashley kind
of play the part of the mother but the part of you coming forward to it's not that I don't trust at
all that your ability to do this at all actually it's just a matter of what you're most comfortable
with. Okay I can do mother and father or I can have Ashley you know do the role of mother and
I can do the role of father but there's an aspect of reading something over you and then
opening a door for you to come and have a raw real conversation and the thing that you need
to understand is like you're not going to offend me. You wouldn't believe the things the colorful
things that people have said or horrifying things that people have said you know to me as their
father. You're not going to offend me. This is under the guys in the realm of the Holy Spirit.
It's completely shut. Nobody's going to hear about it. This is about you getting the stuff
that you've been carrying in your life out. Okay so it's a matter of what you feel most comfortable
with. If you need to hear a female voice speaking this stuff over you then we'll have Ashley do it.
If it doesn't matter to you then I'll do it. What would feel most comfortable to you?
I think I do need to hear the female voice. Okay all right so I'm going to pray
and then we're going to open the door and then when it comes to the next step of this
I might give a little bit instruction and coaching of how to handle it okay.
But I'm just going to pray. So Father, Lord Jesus, Holy Spirit, whichever aspect of you Lord will
create the most secure, safe, loving place most secure for her. Lord I ask that aspect to be
released over her now. That Holy Spirit that you would create the peaceful loving place
and that you would lead and guide us. That Father we know that there's places of who you are that
we don't know that you want us to. And for Rita today Lord I ask that you would lead us.
That you would move through us though we're not her parents.
The Lord, there's a there's a business that you want to do with her so that you can enter into a deeper relationship with her.
Those things are always available to her, but Lord that the obstacles would be removed today so that she can start to enjoy those aspects and relation in parts of who you are in Jesus name.
Okay, so, maybe it's best to do the father first for this particular one. That's right.
Okay, we can do that. So we'll do the father part first. Yeah. So what we do is whoever it is that that's talking to you know whether we're doing the mother or the father we just had that person on screen so so anyway.
So I'm going to turn it over so you can see him. Okay.
Let's do this. Okay.
Whatever is most comfortable for you, you can look at me and or you can keep your eyes closed, whichever you feel most comfortable for. Okay.
And so, Rita, I know I'm not your earthly father, but I'm going to stand in for him.
I'm gonna read something over you and it.
And a father's role, Rita is to protect to provide to bless and to establish his children's identity.
Maybe your father did that for you. Maybe he didn't.
Perhaps he abandoned you or abused you sexually, physically, verbally, or emotionally.
Maybe he died before you were ready, or left you for some other reason.
Maybe he made you his pet, delighting in you so much that you haven't been able to break away to be your own person.
Perhaps he was distant, removed, or showed no interest in you, or he terrified you with his anger and rage.
Perhaps he made you the scapegoat for all his troubles, so that you suffered for things other people did to him.
Perhaps he blamed you for things that were not your fault at all.
Maybe he worked too much or played too hard and never spent time with you.
He missed your ball games, your dance recitals, or your spelling bees.
Maybe he spent too much time with you, forcing you to become the athlete or student or doctor or lawyer you never wanted to be.
Perhaps he left you in the care of hurtful, dangerous people.
Maybe he didn't see or believe you when you went to him for help.
Perhaps he was just too preoccupied with himself to see anything you wanted or needed then.
I really don't know.
If you're willing to hear the words of a broken father speaking to you, please close your eyes for a minute.
I realize I am not your father.
But please allow me to stand in for him.
And in the place of your father, who may or may not have said any of these things, please allow yourself to hear these words.
I ask your Heavenly Father to richly bless you in all the places I failed to bless you.
I ask the Lord Jesus Christ, by the power of his cross and blood, to set you free now from any harsh or cruel words that I said to you, especially the ones you keep remembering over and over.
I am so sorry.
I ask the Lord to set you free from heart injuries you sustained from me or from others in whose care I placed you.
I ask the Holy Spirit to set you free from heartache, disappointments, dreads, grief, terror, or rage you cannot resolve.
I am so sorry for any other struggles I may have caused you.
May you be healed from being ignored by me or overindulged by me.
If I ever made you feel less than or not good enough, I am deeply sorry and ask you to please forgive me.
May the Lord set you free from working so hard to please me when nothing ever would.
May the Lord set you free from trying to get from me when I never had to give you.
Rita, I'm so sorry.
May the Lord set you free from blaming me for failing you.
Not because I need that, but so you can be free to grow, to receive, to achieve, and to be creative in ways you have not yet imagined.
May the Lord give you all the things I was unable or unwilling to give you.
May the Lord guide you in ways I never could and grant you peace.
May the Lord free you from the effects of my addictions, my anxieties, and my anger.
May the Lord free you from feeling that you have to always be perfect or that you have to be what I expected you to be.
I pray that God will help you to see that the hurt and pain I caused you came from my own childhood.
It limited me, and I'm so sorry if it has limited you.
I pray that God will remove from you any belief that you were not wanted or loved.
I pray that you have no doubt that you are the gender you were supposed to be.
I pray that the Lord will release you from any unhealthy bond that you may have with me.
I want you to keep all the good that came from me and give the garbage to God.
My beloved daughter, I love you.
I am so proud of you.
I am so glad you were born.
Take flight, my love. Soar into the heights of God's destiny for you.
Fly free and live.
Now, Rita, again, I know I don't, I maybe look like an old white guy.
Sorry.
But I know I don't look like your dad.
But I'm going to stand in for your dad.
And I want to open the door for you to come and to tell me.
And if I were just to be, it's like how you feel, what was done, and just let it go.
Don't rationalize. You're not dishonoring anyone.
You're never going to probably ever say these things to your dad, and maybe you will, but in a different way.
Okay.
Again, have your eyes open. You can have your eyes closed.
Ideally, if we were in a room together, you know, we'd be face to face and, you know, we'd be hugging and crying and snotting and all of that stuff.
And, you know, but this is what we have. Okay.
Okay.
Well, am I just supposed to say what hurt me?
Yeah, just like your dad.
You hurt me.
You did this to me you weren't there you did this. I was terrified of you. You said these things to me. You didn't do this for me.
You didn't believe me when I came to you.
You didn't believe me.
It hurt when you called me names and I was made felt stupid that I couldn't do anything right.
You didn't teach me you didn't teach me how to be a lady.
That I was that I was worthy of more than what people thought of me.
And you're angry you were you terrorized me as a child.
I couldn't go to you and have a.
conversation. I didn't feel safe.
There's a difference between discipline and abuse.
You're doing great.
Can I say I hate you?
I can. Yeah, it's honest.
I'm so sorry.
I want to blow my nose.
You can.
So, all you have to do is remember.
Okay.
I wish you would have gotten help.
That's great.
Now I'm going to say some things.
I'm so sorry.
I never meant to be the agent of hurt for you.
When I found out you were going to come into this world,
I was so excited and frightened.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so inadequate as a dad.
I never wanted.
I was so afraid I was going to screw this up.
I was a broken man.
I never wanted my brokenness to be passed down to you.
There's no excuse.
I hurt you and I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry that when I,
my anger lashed out in ways that permanently scarred you.
I'm so sorry for the way that as a man,
I set a standard in a bar that was so low and misguided for you when you
entered into relationships with other men.
I'm so sorry.
But I didn't know how.
And the truth is.
I didn't have it to give.
that you needed from me and I didn't give them to you.
And I'm sorry that you hate me.
And you have every justifiable reason to do so.
I'm sorry that I didn't see you as the beautiful,
creative, special gift.
And that there were things that I hold in my heart about you
that I am, it seems like I'm,
every time I just screw it up when I try to tell you
and you never received from me
what was in my heart towards you,
which was love and that you are a gift.
Reid, I am so sorry for all that I did to you
and all that I didn't.
I'm sorry that I allowed my wounds,
that my lack and the things that happened to me in my life
bleed over onto yours.
I'm so sorry for all that you brought up
and all that you haven't,
for all of my failings and that I hurt you.
And that I never cherished you the way that you should.
Reid, will you please forgive me
for these things that I've done to you?
Yes, I forgive you.
Father, I come to you as a broken father.
And I go before you on behalf of my daughter,
in proxy of her dad.
Lord, I ask you to forgive me for all that I've done
and all that I've passed on to her.
For all of my failings as a father,
for the things that you wanted her to receive from me
that she didn't and the ways in which
I jilted her expectations
and images of who you as a father really are.
I ask that you would clean away
and break the power of the words that I've spoken over her,
that have limited her,
that have shaped her thoughts about who she is,
that have changed her thoughts about who you are as a father
or men or what to expect in a spouse,
especially as she's trying to raise two young men herself.
I ask that you would break the power of these things
to wipe away the hurt and the scars,
that you would wash her mind, her heart,
that you would come and heal the things that I did.
And most of all, that you would start to fill in the things
that she was supposed to receive that she didn't.
That she would feel how special she is,
that you would affirm the things in her
and call them to life that have not seen the light of day.
As your heavenly father, I bless you, Rita.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm so proud of who you are.
I love you.
I remember before the foundations of the earth
that I knew you.
I love who you are.
I love how you come, you talk to me.
I love your heart.
I love the sound of your voice.
I love the times when we used to dance together.
You have no idea how many times you've touched my heart
and how many tears I've cried alongside of you.
I love every aspect of who you are and I bless you.
Now as Ed, I'm going to ask father right now,
I just break the power of the words
that have been spoken over Rita.
I break them, everything is hung over her like a curse.
The words and the word containers, I break them
that have had to seem to have a power over her life
that she cannot get out from underneath them.
I break the power of all the witchcraft and manipulation
that has been used to exert control over her.
And I just mantle all of the system of control
that has been over her.
I ask you Lord that you would bring deep healing to Jesus.
that systematically almost, even right now,
that you would bring to her memory a painful moment,
a painful time.
And Lord, that you would walk into those memories,
even right now,
and you would bring healing.
You would show her where you were.
That you would reclaim her history,
and that her history would become his story,
your story in her life.
That you would touch the wounds,
that you would fill in the places
that she needed to hear, the life, the living waters,
into the dry fields of her life.
Lord, if there's like a house within her,
if there are whole wings of that house
that have been shut up through all these years
that have gone unexpressed, I ask you to open them today.
I call the life, all the creative gifts,
all the creativity.
And Lord, and I speak to the little girl
that I see in the dress, trying to get her dad's attention,
wanting to hear about how pretty she is,
as she's dancing around like a little ballerina,
twirling her dress.
I'm so sorry that you were never noticed
whenever you felt invisible,
or that you were an irritant instead of a gift.
Lord, I ask there be a trade today,
that we would trade the things that happen,
and that Lord, you would give her everything
that she has been withheld through all these years,
and for all the other places where there's been injustice.
As a father, Lord, where she needed to be protected
and she wasn't, where she's been betrayed,
stabbed in the back, where people have not walked
in integrity, and as a man, as a father of sorts,
and as authority figure, even within a church,
in the body of Christ, Lord, I am so sorry.
I ask you, Lord, to forgive me on behalf of all these men,
the male leaders, the male figures,
even the men that mistreated her and didn't value her,
and set a bar that was far too low.
Read, I ask you to forgive me, to forgive us,
and Lord, that these cycles to be broken,
that there'd be a new record, new expectations,
and that these cyclic things in her life,
even there's certain ones that even seem to be tied
to the calendar, there's certain times
where things always seem to circle back,
that, Lord, that these things
be completely dismantled today,
and that you would shift her expectation into new heights,
and that you would open the aspects of you
that have been hidden, overshadowed,
shut, miswired, mislabeled, and most of all,
that you would surround her with your love,
that you would touch her,
and you would heal all the wounds,
and break the oppression that's been sitting over her life,
all the grayness, when it's supposed to be vibrant color,
any place where her expectations have been far too low,
or what to expect out of life,
to guard herself against the disappointment,
every standard that has been upheld,
that has been hanging over her life,
where she feel like she's constantly falling short,
for those things to be dismantled and removed now,
that she is fully loved, fully cared for,
that she's loved completely right where she is,
for who she is, and not just who she's going to become,
but the woman that's in front of me right now,
and not just a promise there to be beauty for ashes,
but Lord, that you have written over her beautiful,
I pray for the spirit of truth to reveal truth to her,
and that you would bring great healing and wholeness
to her Lord, in Jesus' holy name.
How are you doing?
Good.
OK.
I know it's a lot.
Now we're going to move on to the mother, OK?
OK.
All right, I'm going to swing you over
to the feminine side of me here.
You doing good?
Yeah.
It's all very healing, but it's exhausting
to work out the healing.
Yes.
All right, so I'll read the mother's blessing.
And you can either open or close your eyes, whatever you'd like.
All right, so a mother's assignment
is to nurture, to love, to tend, to treasure,
and to teach your children.
Maybe your mother was wonderful, and maybe she wasn't.
Perhaps she abandoned you or abused you sexually, physically,
verbally, or emotionally.
Maybe she died before you were ready or left you
for some other reason.
Maybe she made you her idol, delighting in you so much
that you haven't been able to break away to be your own person.
Perhaps she made you the scapegoat for all her troubles
so that you suffered for things other people did to her, which
frightened, hurt, or angered her.
Maybe she came between you and your father
or continually forced you to choose sides.
Maybe she placed you between herself and her husband.
Maybe she didn't protect you from him.
Perhaps she blamed you for things
that were not your fault at all.
Maybe she insisted that you mother her instead
of her mothering you.
And maybe you felt important about that
and did not realize you were becoming
trapped and overwhelmed.
And since then, you've been running on empty,
not knowing what you need or want.
Perhaps she left you in the care of hurtful and dangerous
people.
Maybe she didn't see or believe you
when you went to her for help.
Perhaps she was just too busy to see anything
you wanted or needed then.
I really don't know.
If you're willing to hear the words of a wounded mother
speaking to you, please close your eyes for a few minutes.
I realize that I am not your mother, Rita.
But please allow me to stand in for her.
And in the place of your mother, who may or may not
have said any of these things, please allow yourself
to hear these words.
My dear Rita, I know that the scriptures
command you to honor me.
I want you to know that you will honor me best
by becoming and being all the Lord intends you to be.
I ask the Lord to richly bless you.
I ask the Lord Jesus Christ, by the power of His cross
and blood, to set you free now from any harsh or cruel words
that I said, especially the ones you keep
remembering over and over.
I am so sorry.
I ask the Lord to set you free from heart injuries
you sustained from me or from others
in whose care I placed you.
I ask the Holy Spirit to set you free
from heartache, disappointments, dread, grief, or rage
you cannot resolve.
I am so sorry for any other struggles I may have caused
you.
May you be healed from being ignored by me
or smothered by me.
If I ever made you feel less than or not good enough,
I am deeply sorry, and I ask you to please forgive me.
May the Lord set you free from working so hard to please me
when nothing ever would.
May the Lord set you free from trying
to get from me what I never had to give to you.
I am so sorry.
May the Lord set you free from blaming me for failing you,
not because I need that, but so that you
can be free to grow, to receive, to achieve,
and to be creative in ways you have not yet imagined.
May the Lord give you all the things I was
unable or unwilling to give you.
May the Lord guide you in ways I never could
and grant you peace.
May the Lord free you from any of my grief, fear, terror,
anger, dread, and expectations you are still
trying to live up to.
May the Lord free you from feeling
that you have to always be perfect
or that you have to be what I expected you to be.
I pray God will help you see that the hurt and pain I caused you came from my own childhood.
It limited me, and I am so sorry if it has limited you.
I pray that God will remove from you any belief that you are not wanted or loved.
I pray that you have no doubt that you are the gender you are supposed to be.
Please forgive me for not nurturing you.
I pray that the Lord will release you from any unhealthy bond that you may have with
me, and I want you to keep all of the good that came from me and give the rest to God.
My precious daughter, I love you.
I am so proud of you, and I am so glad you were born.
Be released now to be the person that God created you to be.
Be free, my love, and live.
So now just think of me as if your mother was here.
Allow me to stand in her stead and just be open and honest with how it is that you feel.
Just express it, allow it to come out.
How could you abandon us?
And then when you came to visit, you were so mean.
I remember when you told me not to smile just because my teeth weren't pretty.
And then when you came to visit, you were so mean.
And then my gut came from you.
I see why you weren't supposed to be a part of my life now.
So that's why I never called you mom.
I'm done.
I need to blow my nose.
I'm done.
Okay, sorry.
So did I hear you right? You said you were done or was there anything else you'd like to tell me?
You sure?
So Rita, I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry for what I did to you.
I didn't feel that I was adequate.
You felt too important, too significant for me to mess up, so I didn't try.
And I chose to save myself instead.
And that was the wrong choice because you're more important than that.
I was meant to give you something from God and because I didn't do it, you didn't receive
it.
And I am so sorry for that because you're very precious and I felt it.
And even being away from you, I always felt that connection between a mother and a daughter.
So I come back because not having that connection is torment.
And so I am so very sorry that I didn't give you of myself, that I didn't let you know
that you are important, that I didn't show you who God had made you to be, that I left
you to figure it out by yourself.
I saw myself in you and there were things about myself I didn't like, and that made
me afraid.
But there were other things that I saw in you that I loved that were like me or like
your dad or like your grandmother.
And you have a special heritage that I'm very proud of and I liked to get to pass that
on.
Thailand is very special and you carry it in your blood and I'm sorry I couldn't tell
you about it, but it is a special part of me that I did want to give you.
You have so many good things in you and I'm sorry I couldn't show you what they are.
I'm sorry you felt abandoned to try to figure them out and felt that they weren't there.
And you really are very pretty and I've always thought that, but I didn't tell you, did I?
And I'm very sorry.
I'm sorry I wasn't kind.
You're very smart and you're very creative and I want you to be those things.
So be set free from me, from trying to meet some expectations.
I want you to be free to be who you are.
So Lord, I come before you as Rita's mom.
You gave her to me.
You birthed her through me, gave her my DNA, and she's very, very special.
Give her all of the things that I didn't explain to her, that she could expect, that
she could receive, that I didn't give her, and I pray that you would doubly bless her,
that you would bless her with all the blessings that you would have given me and all of the
blessings that you've intended for her, that she would be doubly blessed because she's
my daughter, because she gets to receive all of the things that I could have asked for
from you.
Pray that she would feel very, very, very loved, that she would feel more loved and
more nurtured than she could have even felt from me if I'd been the perfect mother.
Help her to know and feel that she's pretty, to feel courageous, to feel confident.
Thank you for giving her to me.
Help her to release me so that she can be free, and help her to know that you forgive
me too, for to not carry any weight, any oppression, any bondage related to me and
my choices.
Make all of those broken places whole.
Fill all of those feelings of lack and void with your comfort, with expectation that you
will be there, that you want things to and intend to provide for things to be easy and
smooth where she feels taken care of and loved when she's sick.
Things that I would have done for her, pray that she would receive that from you now as
an adult, that she would expect to be comforted, expected to be loved on.
And for all of the rough, hard, sharp edges of the day to be smoothed out by you.
And I ask for your forgiveness, Lord, for not being for her what you intended,
for not giving to her what you intended her to have.
Help her life to be more blessed now.
Sarita, I'd like to ask you now if you will forgive me.
Yes, I forgive you.
Now, Sarita, as your heavenly father, I want to talk to you from
the mothering side of me, the nurturing and the comforting side. I want you to know
that I like to smooth the rough and the sharp edges of the day.
I like to comfort you when you're hurt.
And I like to make things easier.
I like to love on you. I enjoy our time together, and I am so, so excited and so grateful
and so pleased for when you choose to set aside all of your fears and you spend time with me,
trusting and hoping that I'm going to meet you, that I'm going to be there,
and that you're going to feel my love, that you're going to experience it.
Thank you for believing me, because it's hard with what you've seen in life and with what you've expected.
Thank you for making those hard choices to trust me.
I'm so very pleased with you, daughter. You've done very, very well.
You've done so good. You've done far better than your parents ever imagined.
And I'm so very pleased for the choices that you've made,
choices that you made for me. Thank you for loving me that much.
Lord, thank you for having given me the opportunity to stand in this place
and walk Rita through these things and be there for her as she has positioned herself,
Lord, very vulnerably to you to receive all of this healing from her mother,
from you about her mother, Lord, and pray that you would continue to guide her to help her feel
and experience the wholeness of all of those broken pieces finally coming together.
Pray that you would fill all of those voids and strengthen all of those weak places
that again, Lord, feel so vulnerable and so susceptible to hurt.
Strengthen her faith, touch her, show up in the room.
Holy Spirit, I pray that you would pour over her, that she would feel it like liquid oil,
that you would do it multiple times a day, that she'd feel especially comforted and excited
and anticipation of going to bed and to sleep every night, that she'd especially feel your
love and your comfort during those times, that she'd also feel it during the day, during hard
decisions, that she would experience, Lord, your comfort, that nurturing, that being loved on,
that being taken care of in a special way where you feel like someone else is warming you up.
You're not having to do it. Pray that she would, from this point on, Lord, receive a lot of special
experiences in all those things, experiencing your love, experiencing feeling nurtured and
comforted and paid attention to and felt pretty and beautiful and confident. And
pray that it would be more, Lord, than just faith.
More than belief, she really loves and appreciates being able to have experiences,
being able to connect with you in that way.
And so I ask Lord, very specially for her, that that's what you would give to her.
Pray that her life would just be more richly blessed from this point on.
Jesus's name.
And as her parents, though we're not together in the natural, Lord, we release her from
our judgments, from our criticism, and for any standards that we have placed over her
life and the control and structures of fear-based leadership and that those things to be demolished
and destroyed now, and Lord, in any place that there is a reaction to, or a fear related
to, that's attached to us in how she parents and who she imagines herself to be, and any
fear that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, that there's something that she's
trying not to become or get out from underneath, that's attached to either of us.
We ask you, Father, to remove her from those things and we release her from this stuff.
And Lord, and I now comes Ed, and I say, Lord, I call every fragment and piece of her
heart back. Lord, any soul ties that exist between her that are unhealthy between her
mother and her father, we ask that every part, unhealthy piece, to go back to where it came
from, any relationships that she's had, unhealthy, any relationships with men, even her ex-husband
from the past, where she feels like there's aspects of herself that are walking around and
not a part of her anymore, where she feels like there's less of her now than there used to be.
Lord, we command every place, we break those energetic soul ties with these people, and I
command every part of each one of these people to go back where they came from, dipped in the
blood of Jesus so they may heal. But most importantly, I call every aspect of Rita, every
part of her broken heart, from every plane, from every place, from every dimension, that angels to
go into the depths where part aspects of who she is has been hidden and anything that has been
stolen and lost to be returned with penalties and interest.
And I call all aspects of Rita and her heart back in Jesus name, dipped in the blood of Jesus.
And we call Rita back to wholeness.
We call her back to wholeness.
We call every aspect of her back to be integrated and to be whole now.
And with the speaking of my voice, we reclaim the midnight hour, the time where it used to be places
of terror, where there used to be beings in the room that would torment her at the nighttime, any
time that she even felt a presence, even physically, that manifested in her room, that made
sleeping a time that was not restful, a time of encounter and where dreams were something to be
feared. We break the power of that stuff now.
And even if there are things that she has not spoken to a single soul about.
Lord, that you know what I'm speaking about, that you would go and bring healing and we break the power of the
connection of those particular spirits and I command them to release her.
We break the empowerment assignment given to her.
We lift up her generational lineage.
We break the curse for those that have left the faith of the past religions.
Lord, right now, Lord, we break the power of these things and the penalties of these things.
And we command every enforcing spirit to release Rita, all the oppression to release off of her body.
The pinpricks that seem to happen from time to time, like there's little pieces of acupuncture that seem to be
happening. The Lord is stabbing pains, Lord.
The headaches, especially whatever on the right.
side of her head from time to time, we break the power of
those things now in Jesus name.
We speak, I speak to every vertebrae in her neck, her
cervical spine, the base of her skull, Lord, up and down her
back. I speak to her hips. And I say all of those things come
into alignment. Now, the full rehydrations of her discs, the
Lord, we call them back to align now in Jesus name. Foot pain, I
don't know what that is, Lord, whatever that is, Lord, to be
healed. Now, Lord release healing, their legs to come into
even length, that are gate to change the Lord even in her
joints where there seems to be early onset pain, Lord that
there shall be in her life. No arthritis, Lord that is going
to debilitate and plague her Lord all of the fogginess of the
mind to be released off of her now. The effects of the
witchcraft. Lord, we break the power of it now in Jesus name.
Lord that their angels would be assigned over her bed. That the
nighttime hour will not be a time of terror will be time of
encounter, a time for you to speak a time for you to minister
and to teach the Lord this very night that you will is a time
for encounter. Lord, her bedroom is a place of peace and rest, a
time of fellowship in love. Lord, we break the record and
the cycles of her past every day of her life up into this place
that it will not return to the way it was. Lord that this is a
time of anticipation and great healing. A time for you to speak
and encounter and meet with her. There's a place in the garden,
Lord, that you have reserved that you have created just for
her. With a seat next to you to come and sit with the sweet
smells of the flowers. Every flower in that garden are ones
that you place there because you know that she loves them. There
is a place that you have created just for her and you are waiting
patiently to come and meet with her and for her to come and join
you. And I pray this very night Lord that you would show her
what that place is. I bless her eyes, Lord. I ask you to release
the salve of the spirit to heal the things that she's seen. That
you would release the salve of the spirit over her nose. I
bless and dedicate her nose to you, Lord, that for the things
that she has smelled that trigger memories. Her ears, Lord,
to be healed from the things that she's heard. Her mouth that
has tasted things that it should not have. Her skin, her hands for
the things that she's experienced and felt that she
should not. And I bless and dedicate her senses to you. That
her senses to become golden. For her to be able to see in the
spirit, to see you and to see from your perspective. I bless
her smell, to smell your perfume, your cologne, to smell
the senses and the fragrances of the flowers in that garden. I
bless her ears to hear you more clearly. I bless her mouth to
speak forth your truth, to be able to worship and to see your
word released in power and things to happen. And I bless
her hands and all of her senses to be able to feel you, to
experience you. And that Lord, as she see the power of God move
through her, that the blind will see, the deaf will hear, the
lepers will be cleansed, diseases to be healed, the dead
to be raised. And that Lord, that you would uplift her gaze
to you. I bless her heart to be unified and one with you. I
bless her feet to no longer go her own way, but to go the way
you want, to show her the ancient paths, to show her the
right way. That you would shod her in the gospel of peace. That
the Lord, the Prince of Peace, to umpire peace upon her heart
and that the promise you gave the disciples, that my peace I
give to you, my peace I release to you, that I do not give as
man gives. That there are an aspect of your peace that like a
fog or an oil or an ointment to get into her that cannot be,
that cannot be shaken. And the Lord, that you would release
peace over her mind. And I bless her mind to be one with you, one
with your thoughts and Lord to her, to trust you and even
herself trusting aspects of you to come forth in which there
was fear and where she herself could not be trusted because
she is someone that you trust. We bless you, Lord. And we love
you in Jesus' holy name.
Now, there's one other thing we don't have time to do that I'm
I have Ashley send to you. It is a prayer called the slumbering spirit prayer. It deals with some
of the things we talked about. It's really good. If we had time, I would do it, but I would rather
check in with you and see how you're doing before we sign off just to make sure you're okay and see
if you have any feedback or anything. Okay. I know I'm good. I'm good. No, I appreciate it.
Yeah, that's a lot of that's a lot of that's a lot of tears and snot and all the good time.
And so if that that's like a currency in heaven, you know, and you know, there's a lot of things
that are going to shift a result of what you did today. Nothing around you everything around
you is going to change, but it's not the things around you that changed. It's you.
And you'll be more healthily be able to engage and do things. You're going to be more free.
They're going to enjoy aspects of God that you haven't, but you're going to notice that things
there's something different, but you're not going to be able to put your finger on it.
And the only way I can describe it to some people, and I feel like this might help you is
that I used to say that when I used to go on mission trips that you go there to help people,
but you're the one that changes. But for most for some of us, it's like you go home
and the God's hidden a present for you. You know, what's there in the house,
you but you don't know what it is. It's an aspect like that, that there are things that have
changed and been done in you. And just to be patient and I, I hope that, you know, for me,
there's always fruit when there's God. And so we cut you free from anything that was said
that wasn't from him. If there's any place, Lord, out of our own compassion,
out of our own souls that we spoke forth, we did anything that wasn't you, Lord,
remove those things now. Make sure you never, maybe she never remember. And if there's anything
that we didn't do that you wanted us to do, Lord, by the speaking of my word, let those things be
completed. And we give you permission. I think she would absolutely give you permission to
interrupt her night to come into her dreams and to finish the work that was begun today.
And we ask God that you would richly blessed Rita, our beautiful, beautiful sister,
a special treasure, a special treasure, and Lord, that you would reveal the hidden aspects of who
she is, that she herself can begin the journey to love Rita, including that little girl.
Somebody has to live the love that little girl and that little girl is her. And I pray Lord
that she needed love from everyone else that the day that she also find an aspect
within herself to love the little girl that is her so that she can begin that love, that life
love journey with you and for her to be able to love and appreciate herself the way that you do.
And I pray a special grace over her to be able to enter into that
because it's not easy and we don't really know how.
So bless you, Rita. If you have anything else you want to say, that's fine. If you don't,
it's okay. Be kind to yourself today. You'll be drained. You'll be tired. It's okay.
God believes in naps. Naps are holy. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. No, I appreciate it. Thank you.
Well, I didn't know what to expect today, but most likely you didn't expect this. So
like I told you, it's a good weird. It's weird, but it's good. Right. So, yeah. But there are a
lot of things that are just, trust me, you did more than you think. Yeah. You did more than you
think. And God is very pleased. And he's very, very, very, very, very proud of you. Yeah.
Thank you. And that's not just Ed's opinion. That's the truth. He's very, very, very proud
He's very, very proud of you. Thank you. Yeah. I appreciate it.
That's good to see you as always. Yeah. You too.
Well, I'm excited for you. I know that, you know, this is done a lot. You may, and like,
you know, remember that, that the majority of, of all of the shifting and the majority of all
of the healing is all subconscious that, you know, your, your spirit, your soul, and your body,
they know how to do things.
without us having to micromanage them.
They just function according to the way that God intended, which was to
service and to, I don't know, just do a variety of complex things
that we're not even aware of.
So, um, be very expectant because you've done it.
It's happened.
You've crossed me the choice.
And, um, so you're going to reap the rewards of it.
And the rewards of it are to receive more of God.
Let's see, you know, his inheritance because chains have been broken off.
So you can risk disappointments because you're not going to be disappointed.
So you can move forward with that expectation and that
anticipation that things will be new.
Things will feel new between you and the Lord.
I love that.
I'm looking forward to it.
Yes.
Thank you so much.
We love you.
Have a great day.
Okay.
Bye-bye.