Hi.
Can you see me. No, I can hear you but not see you. Okay, let me see how do I.
So are you on your. Oh yeah you're on your phone okay so hit the screen. Oh, there we go.
There we go.
And then you can pop up on the bottom and open the video.
Okay, there we go. How are you.
I'm much better today. Good.
Is your car your escape place the place where you can get peace.
Yes, it is.
I've had more moms meet with me in the car.
Unless everyone's out of the house, this is where I go. Yeah, there you go. Some people it's the bathroom some people it's a laundry room but for moms usually these days it's yes.
Like because the kids never think about looking up there they're like if mom's not in the house. She's gone. Exactly.
That's funny. That's great.
So I'm glad to hear that you're doing better and it's a I never tell people this, but you know what it is that you're going through, meaning like.
The part of the journey that you found yourself in is is expected that's what's normal. And here's why and it's because with the, what the rest intensive is all about.
In other words, what this, this journey this program you know it's all about is to simply help people navigate themselves through this.
And it's that we're, we have to cross that that difficulty is us coming up against that threshold, and all of this, and as facing all of the struggle and the resistance that has always kept us from crossing the threshold.
And so the thing is that we actually have to finally understand how do we let go of that survival mode. How do we let go of that sense of trying to protect myself from actually dying.
It's not like dying spiritually dying emotionally that's what it feels like it feels like our whole world and everything it is that we know that kind of like gives us a sense of like existence.
It's all going to go away.
That may sound strange but that's actually what's happening is it's our fear of dying in a variety of like facets of ourselves, like, and, and so God has placed so much of a sense of like survival mode in us that we will do whatever the heck we have to
do to save a lot of say a lot to save ourselves from that. And the thing is that when we get to that place by saying yeah I want you to, to, to actually to sacrifice yourself which is that living sacrifice and fall into me in those areas, but we that
survival mode of protecting ourselves from everything, including him kicks in. And he's the one thing in which we have to give all of that up for we're not supposed to give it up for anything but him which is why I gave us the survival mode emotionally and mentally
and spiritually and whatever, but he's the one thing so it feels very foreign, because we've trained ourselves, because of how God created us to work. We've trained ourselves to operate like that.
And we should in every area but that one. And so we don't know how to not do that anymore especially if we consider God to not be a safe place. So all of that is very normal, I came to that place.
You know, everyone who goes through the rest intensive that goes through it. How would you put it to everyone.
Everyone shifts in their life to the degree that they're willing to face that amount of resistance if they're only willing to face a particular amount of resistance.
When they face it and they shifted to rest in that particular way, their life will only change to that degree, their sense they will only experience that degree of rest in the Lord and there's various people in the rest intensive that I could point out, have only
shifted somewhat, but me knowing their background. They really haven't shifted very far.
They've only shifted to the degree that they're able, but the people that have gone to the level of resistance that you were expecting and faced that much.
The people that choose it, they are the ones whose lives change the most.
This is the degree to which I change.
This is the degree to which Carrie changed.
These radical shifts that everybody else looks at us and going like, well, how come you experienced
that?
It's because I got to the point where you got.
So I say that as an encouragement.
It feels awful and it feels like everything's wrong, but that's actually where we're living
in that degree of bondage.
It's just that we're not used to letting ourselves get to the point where we experienced that
much and then fall into the Lord.
We either don't allow ourselves to ever get there or we allow ourselves to get there and
then figure out some way, some coping mechanism.
Some people go to drugs.
Some people go to completely rejecting the Lord.
Some people go to affairs.
Some people go to all kinds of, some people go to suicide, some people go to all kinds
of things in order to avoid it.
And the Lord says, no, just release it all and fall into me.
So anyway, I say that as an encouragement of as awful as it feels, you are allowing
yourself to get to the point where literally everything can change and it can't change
to the degree that you want it to for anybody.
It can't change unless they get to your point, to your place.
And I can tell you most of the people in the rest of the time, not everyone, most of the
people haven't changed to the degree that you can because you got there.
And if you, and if you fall completely through all those things into the Lord, you can be
one of the people who radically changes the most.
So that's why a lot of people, for a lot of people, the rest, how would I read that?
Sometimes the people that are attracted to the rest and to hear about it and actually
want to get in the program and do the, do the stuff and do the work are the people that
are the most desperate.
It's not that it doesn't work for everyone.
It literally works for everyone, but it's sometimes only the people who are the most
desperate that are actually willing to do what it, what it is that we all have to do.
My sister is one of those cases as well.
She's in the rest intensive Audra Holdsworth.
And she did a testimony about this, about the fact, you know, she tried everything.
She tried deliverance ministry.
She tried, I mean, I could tell you stories of stuff that she'd gone through, but obviously
they aren't going to because it's, you know, betraying confidence.
But my point is I, I watched her walk through this stuff, through this hell on earth, through
this torture, through quite honestly, demonic attacks and oppression and stuff like that.
And she talks about some of that, I think, in her testimony.
And anyway, and then like, and she tried all kinds of various coping mechanisms that the
world would that the world just, I don't know, just kind of gave her as opportunities and
ways of escape.
And she said that she went through deliverance ministries, celebrate recovery, counseling
sessions.
She mentioned all kinds of things in her testimony.
And she said, in other words, all this is public.
And she said, she couldn't, she said nothing worked at such a root level until, until she,
until she let go of everything and then fell into the Lord and just let go of all the resistance
because everything else, including celebrate recovery, deliverance ministries, nothing
else was going deep enough.
And so she just had to abandon herself, you know, to it.
So anyway, my, as hard as it is know that it's because it's working, it's kind of like
a detox it's worse before it gets better.
And it's because all of that stuff is, is there, whether or not we recognize it.
And the horribleness is when we're finally starting to want to let it go, but it means
that it actually comes to our acknowledgement.
And then there's all the pain and there's all the, the struggle and all of the, whatever
that we've tried to, that we tried to squelch.
And it's only by letting it come up and out that it come up, that it can now go out.
So like I said, like a detox, you know, actually has to start releasing into the bloodstream
and makes you feel horrible in order to finally get flushed.
But it means that it's working.
So because it means that you, that poison is in you, including you spiritually or whatever,
and you're already under that bondage, whether or not you recognize it and realize it and
whether or not you're feeling the pain and whether or not you're noticing your life is
being affected by that, by that poison and you're getting, you're living consequences
of it.
So to speak, it's affecting your relationships.
It's affecting, you know, your emotions, it's affecting your perspective in life.
Forgive my washer.
um whether or not it's crying out for attention it'll stop in a second and uh and um we're we're
in bondage to those things unless we allow the lord to bring it to our attention so that they
can release so we can't have freedom by simply not knowing that we're dealing with something
we're still in bondage to it whether if we don't even if we don't know that it's there
um so anyway uh so i say all of that to say as awful and as painful as it is it's not because
there's something wrong with you or that you're worse than other people or you're having a harder
time than other people is that you're allowing you and the lord and his graciousness are allowing
the the same garbage that we all deal with to finally come to the surface so you can be free
of it when other people aren't their lives can look and feel and whatever nicer including even
feel nicer but they're still having to live out the consequences of living in poison you know and
it's it's affecting their lives even if you know they don't know that it is so god is enabling you
to get to the point where you can be free so anyway i'm sorry that it's so painful it's um
it's expected though as part of part of the process but uh you can you don't have to live
with this and it's not that there's something wrong with you or that it's harder for you than
everyone else and that you're not understanding as if you're behind or anything like that i
promise you that's not that's not what's going on it's that you're articulating something that
everyone else is going through you're just facing it harder and faster than they are and at a deeper
level meaning you can transition further down and more into rest than they will unless they face it
so anyway well that makes me i mean i've kind of i've kind of felt like that um
i've kind of felt like that and i've always i've known there's i feel like the root of my cancer
is a lot of just emotional maggot bondage that's just stirring inside of me and so it's like i had
a therapy session on monday and that's when so much or tuesday so much came out that i didn't
even know was there and i was like where is this coming from and um but it was also very freeing
too and the same at the same time that's so i'm glad i'm glad yeah well is there anything in
particular that um you would like to um uh that you would like to kind of like start talking about
or anything you want me to address or anything you want me to explain or or whatever um i guess
my like where are you right now yeah like where am i now and how do i continue like how do i
continue moving in this way like i'm okay with it being hard i'm okay with it being painful
um i mean right now i don't it doesn't feel like that things feel better today
um like how do i move forward still like and just keep falling forward like you mentioned that you
know just falling into the lord um and maybe that's a practice maybe that's just something that
i you can't tell me how to do it i just have to experience it but following the lord yeah and just
like you know you mentioned um survival and i feel like i've been survival mode for a long time
and like i can't imagine life out of that but it sounds so glorious like that's what i want
yeah um now yeah go ahead go ahead i'm done well all i was going to ask was clarification so you
said that you've been in survival mode for so long uh like i'm assuming by so long you're talking
about prior to the diagnosis like where is it coming from that what survival mode and what
probably just from the last gosh eightish years ever since my second son was born
things have just been hard just kids adding kids to the family and more children has just
brought to the surface my my perfectionism and my um needing to feel like i have to do
everything right and follow the rules even more it's like up to the auntie of my um
of some of those qualities that aren't supporting me if that makes sense qualities that aren't
supporting you oh you mean where you're not matching up to what you think you're supposed
to do or the outcome you thought that you're you're being accountable to get yes okay okay yeah
and uh and so what what can you tell
Is that I'm going back to my memory, trying to remember what can you tell me about about your background?
I mean, like were you raised in a Christian home? Was it legalism?
Was it did you require it? Was there a lot of perfectionism required of you?
Or did you feel that you had to in order to survive an abusive situation?
Or where do you think this developed from?
It might like grew up in it. I grew up in a Catholic home.
And although I don't feel like my parents were legalistic, I feel like it's ingrained in me.
Like I got it from somewhere. OK. And.
I'm I feel like it wasn't until
maybe college that I really like grabbed onto it,
like the control of.
Well, I played college volleyball, but I was like a second pick
and not a first pick. And.
When I went to school and started playing,
I always felt like I was never good enough in college.
And like my whole four years were hard. They were awful.
I always felt like I was an awful volleyball player,
even though I got a scholarship, you know, like doesn't make sense.
And then my senior year of college, I got in really great shape.
I wanted to show up in good shape.
And I did. And my coach for the first time in four years
acknowledged how good of shape I was in.
And it was almost like I feel like I clung to that.
And then I became probably
obsessed with food and working out.
And then I went into the health and wellness industry.
And it was kind of like a that's where I got my worth.
That's where I found I was good enough
and I knew how to be successful by controlling certain things.
Yeah. And I also had like I didn't have an abusive upbringing.
My mom was sick most of my childhood.
So I feel like I took care of myself a lot.
And my dad was very.
He he loved me, but if I didn't do things
like if he was trying to teach me something,
he would get frustrated really easily if I couldn't do it right away.
And looking back, I know that he was quite frustrated
because he didn't know how to teach me.
But I took that as I'm not good enough.
And so I think I've always been trying to earn his approval
of being good enough.
And that's why, you know, I've I've been successful at businesses
and multiple things.
It's like I've I've got my worth from that as well.
Yeah. So. Yeah.
And so that makes sense.
You know, that that that sense of perfectionism or desire
to perform or a need to perform would come from.
But also from the and I don't have to know all these things.
I just thought sometimes, you know, it's something I'll just jump out at me
and I'll be like, ask them, ask them about their background.
And so I'm like, OK, let's put them in my car.
And but also what really jumped out at me
was when you said that your mom was sick because and that's what I thought.
I thought, I wonder if she came from a home
where she had to take care of herself, where you're going through a
a phase or a time of your life where you're supposed to be taken care of,
not read on her responsibilities, but you're but where you're taught
the responsibilities while you're being covered and while you get
to receive the benefit of being taken care of,
where the outcome wasn't always dependent on you.
Because if we believe that if especially,
you know, we've grown up in various circumstances, particularly
if someone's the oldest or someone in it, if a parent greatly depends
on the performance of a child, either to help take care of themselves,
either to help take care of the parent or to take care of themselves
because the parent is just emotionally or physically abandoned them.
Or, you know, like I said, they have to
relies on them to help take care of like other children.
From that a child who's very impressionable
because he's trying to understand life and understand his interaction with it.
We can develop this idea that that what's expected of us
is our performance, that other people's interactions with us
are dependent on our performance.
And and quite honestly, that our survival is dependent on it.
I don't think I'm repeating myself there.
But anyway, that our survival is dependent on it.
And and so we can just develop this sense that our like I said,
our survival is dependent on what it is that we do, what it is that we know,
whether or not we're prepared and whether or not we're good at.
applying what we've learned because we can learn something all we want, but if, um, are we good at
actually applying it? And, um, so anyway, that's where a lot of where some stuff can come from,
but, uh, as far as like how to actually, well, before I move on, do you have, did you have
anything that you wanted to add or. Um, I don't just that, like the, the thing that came up for
me Tuesday was actually that in regards to my mom and her being sick and how.
I didn't realize that had such a big effect on me. Yeah. So especially as an adult, when we look
back and we're like, well, you know, obviously we feel bad for a mom. We, we, my goodness, it's
awful to be sick. I mean, poor thing. I mean, she, you know, she didn't want to be sick. She
didn't ask for that. And we don't want to in any way blame somebody else, you know, for how,
for a situation they didn't want to be in. That was very hard on them because of how it affected
us. And so sometimes that's, that's, that's the only way that we understand how to approach a
situation is if blame has to go somewhere and it just doesn't, it doesn't have to go on you.
And it doesn't have to go on your mom. It, it, it just, it was what it was, but it doesn't make
what happened to you. Right. We're appropriate or age appropriate, or what God intended as a
very healthy way in which you could develop. So in an aspect of speaking, you developed a very
unhealthy perspective of life because that's not the way God intended you to have to develop.
He intended you to learn safety and security and being able to trust yourself with other people,
you know, be able to know that you could deserve and you could expect to be provided for taking
care of where you didn't have to do everything where the weight of your existence and everybody
else around you doesn't depend on you. And he didn't intend for you to get the message
that, and the understanding that you did, but because of your situation, it's very natural
that you would develop what it is that you did. So my point is saying that you developed a very
unhealthy perspective is to relieve you of any blame on yourself or, or your, or your mom
for the situation that you just found yourself in that would just naturally develop into what
it is that it did. And God never intended that because it, um, he intended you to be taking care
of and the situation didn't do that. And so therefore it's not, it's not just, and like I
said, it's not what he intended. Um, so, uh, so anyway, but, um, uh, as far as like how to begin
to like over to overcome these things, especially if you believe, you know, especially how to shift
out of a sense of survival mode is we believe that everything depends on us at the outcome
that whether or not, I don't know, all the things get done today that we thought needed to get done.
You know, the dishwasher gets unloaded, all of the kids get to where they need to get. Um,
so that they have the education they need. They have the opportunity they need. You meet all of
the commitments that you've made, um, you know, so that things don't start falling through the
cracks because you missed one thing today, you know, because we basically weigh the whole future
on, on our performance today. We can't miss anything. We can't get anything wrong because
if we do, we are going, we're so powerful that we're going to affect and destroy all of this,
or we're going to actually make it successful. And it really doesn't depend on us, but we have to do
is we have the opportunity to choose to be responsible. Um, for all of the outcomes,
today's outcomes and everyone, all the residual domino effect of them. We have the opportunity
to choose to be responsible for them, which is what Adam and Eve chose. Adam and Eve chose,
you know what, I'm going to choose the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. In other words,
it was, it wasn't the good tree and it wasn't evil tree. It was the knowledge tree. It was the
knowledge of good and evil that they decided to rely on instead of God, instead of, you know,
we could call it the tree of life, but here's, what's fascinating in a manner of speaking,
the choice was not between the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
The choice this was between the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and.
all the other trees. There were a myriad of trees to choose from. And God said, Eve said,
God said, you can eat from any tree in the garden. The choice wasn't, you know, as black and white
as like, oh, well, it's only the tree of life or, or dichotomous, as I think is what they call it,
where, you know, where there's two choices, where it's just, you know, the tree of life or the tree
of the knowledge of good and evil is the tree of the knowledge of good and evil or all the other
trees. But here's what's, well, sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. So, so it was about the knowledge
of good and evil. In other words, it was, it wasn't doing something bad. Oh, instead of doing
something good, I want to do something bad. It was no, I believe God is holding out on me. And
I want to be able to provide, I want to be able to know the difference between good and evil.
Who wants to know the difference between good and evil, not evil people. They don't care
people who want to do good. They want to know the difference. What is good? What is evil? So that I
know in that I can pick it's relying on your own knowledge of a situation and, and like depending
your life and the outcomes and the result of a formula on your effort, your exertion, your
knowledge, your application, that is what they chose. In fact, and this is what I had almost
gotten ahead to while ago is in Romans seven, it mentions that that the, that the law is holy.
And that's what the tree of the knowledge of good and evil is. It's the law, the law is holy. So
therefore the tree of the knowledge of good and evil was a holy tree. There's nothing wrong with
that tree. The problem was God said, don't eat of it when we eat something. And you know this better
than anyone, when you eat something, you know, because your background, your expertise, when you
eat something, your body is using that thing as fuel. That is the thing from which you're sourced.
That's what God said was wrong. In fact, God gave them a mandate to take care of the trees in the
garden. So they were supposed to take care of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, because
God doesn't create bad things. It was a good thing wrong with the tree. God said, take care of it,
love on it. If it's dying, give it nutrition, which it wasn't dying back then. But you know what I'm
saying? It's like, you can't tend it. He said, but don't eat of it. In other words, don't use it
as a source of energy. That's the, from which you're fueling you, any exertion that your body
then puts out, you know, give you energy to do anything. He said, do not use that as your source.
That was the problem. So, so don't use your own knowledge of what's right and wrong in order to
live life and create an outcome. Instead, he said, just live by your relationship with me and by
operating out of your being, because you were born of me, you're born of my spirit, you're born,
and therefore you were carrying my spirit, carrying my DNA. You exude my character. My
character is your character. Live out of that being. Therefore you don't have to know the
difference between good and evil. Eve, until she ate it, she didn't know the difference between
good and evil. She ate it in order to know. And it says that in the Bible, it says, she saw that it
was, it was pleasing to the eye and that would, that it would teach her that, you know, from it,
she could gain wisdom, you know, the difference. And, and because that's what Satan said, he said,
he knows that when you eat it, you'll be like him and know the difference between the two.
They didn't need to know the difference if they always did what's good, because they simply were
reflecting the character of God. So that is the place from which they could get all of their
outcomes was from the natural character of their being, which was always good. And the only source
of that can be if you're completely unified with God, living from his character, from your being,
from your identity of being unified with him. And then he creates the result. It's like a, you know,
it talks about, um, the Gentiles being grafted into, uh, I remember it was grafted into the tree
or grafted into the vine, but anyway, you know, talking about, you know, his mind where the
branches and were grafted in as the Gentiles, because it's from just like the branches and
the vine and just like, you know, a graft into a tree it's, it's, it's being given its nutrients
and its source of energy from the original tree or from, you know, the branch from the vine,
the branches.
isn't creating its own.
It's receiving it from something else.
It just facilitates the movement of all of those nutrients
through its branch, you know, from the vine,
through its branch to create a fruit.
But the branch isn't creating the fruit.
It's the thing that the branch is grafted into
that's flowing through it, that's creating the fruit.
That's the choice that we're called to make.
That's the choice that Adam and Eve were given to make.
That's the choice that we're called to make every day.
Are you gonna be responsible for the results?
Are you gonna choose that it's your energy,
your effort, your action, your knowledge, your wisdom,
what it is you know, how it is you know to apply it,
whether or not you did a good job applying it,
whether or not you used your time wisely or whatever,
or are you gonna release,
and that determines whether or not
you get a particular outcome.
So if it's a good outcome,
you must've done something right.
And if it's a bad outcome,
you must've done something wrong and messed up somewhere.
It's just all on you.
If it's good, it's all on you.
And if it's bad, it's all on you.
You know, it's very, it's very oppressive, very weighty.
It's quite a burden.
Do we, do you choose to live like that?
Or do we choose instead, no God,
I release the outcome to only be a result
of whatever it is that you determine.
What I do, Lord, is I, because I no longer, you know,
because I'm giving it to you,
I'm no longer carrying the burden, the weight,
and the responsibility of determining the outcome
by my action or by my inaction.
So therefore it relieves my action
and determining the result.
So now I'm free in my,
to operate in my action through the spirit.
So in other words, we can still, we still go to work.
You know, we still drop the kids off at school.
We still do all of this stuff,
but God's the one who actually creates the outcome.
It's not our action that creates the outcome.
The action is basically kind of like us providing a branch,
if you will, it's us and our branch,
providing a funnel, a structure through which
we're allowing God's spirit to flow
and determine what happens.
Not that he's saying that it's the,
I don't know how to just, how to describe it.
Like if you picked the right action,
well, then you'd get this result.
Or if you pick the wrong action,
you're gonna get a bad result.
He's like, no, let my spirit determine the result.
At mine, meaning God's.
God's saying, God's saying,
let my spirit determine the result.
You just get to enjoy the process with me,
but you have to abandon yourself to,
and surrender yourself to me and release control
of creating and determining the outcome.
Because by simply taking on emotionally
the responsibility that it relies on you,
release the responsibility that it relies on you.
Basically, it's like you're giving it up.
Doesn't mean that you're not doing it.
And it doesn't mean that you're not doing the action.
It means that you are no longer holding your action
and you responsible for what happens.
But you're still doing the thing because now it's fun.
Now the action's not pressure.
Now the time management isn't stressful.
Now the going to the doctor's visits or the exercising
or the doing research and discovering new ways
to cure cancer through natural,
through natural things, natural processes
and natural laws that God gave us.
Now, all of that is more fun, if you will.
In other words, it's more effortless.
You get to enjoy learning something that God created
and how you can get to decide with the Lord,
which aspects that y'all believe
that should partner in the process.
But God's the one who will heal you.
Not whether or not you found the right information
or you didn't find the right information
or you, I don't know, exercised enough
or you didn't exercise enough
or you found the right doctors or you didn't or whatever.
It's no, no, no, God's going to determine what,
God is the one who is going to determine the result.
It's God's spirit that's in his power
that's going to flow through.
And so now your actions no longer bear that pressure
and that responsibility of creating it.
They're not creating the fuel.
They're not creating the energy
by which the outcome is determined.
They just-
is there a structure to facilitate the flow of the spirit?
And so you ask the Lord, what aspect of creation,
which laws that you have created,
which naturopathic ways,
or how many times I should exercise,
or how long I should exercise, or which one should I do,
or which foods I should eat or avoid or whatever,
which aspect, which laws by which you created things
to work, do you want to partner with us as a structure
while you are doing what it is that you want to do,
while you are creating the outcome through your spirit
that you desire.
It's completely relieving the pressure
off of what you're doing,
but it doesn't mean you don't do it.
But now that the pressure is off, now it's more fun.
Now it's more easy.
It's easier to hear God.
It's, you can hear him more clearly
because you're no longer being,
you no longer have all of that internal noise
that we develop from the pressure of having to get it right
and having to suffer the potential consequences
if we get it wrong.
It's not on you anymore.
So now you get to just enjoy the Lord,
enjoy the development of your relationship with him.
Enjoy him as you and he flow out of your spirit
with the Lord and your relationship with him
into the world while you exercise.
Okay, Lord, we're going to go,
we're going to go exercise today
and we're going to do it this amount of time
and let you and the Lord,
you'd sense with the Lord about how long that should be
and how much of that,
how much energy you should exert
or how often you should do it or what you should eat
or et cetera.
You determine that between you and the Lord.
And so your responsibility is simply to focus on him.
And so now it changes all of your actions
from focusing on your action has,
creates the result to instead being like
your action is allowing you to,
is giving you a way through which you and God
are interacting and enjoying each other.
You're putting all of your focus on him
while he does stuff.
Because think of it, all of it,
think of it, all of your actions and whatever
and your knowledge and whether or not
you should pick this doctor or that doctor
to help you or whatever,
all of that, you're already asking God
about which one you should do, right?
So think about if you got to enjoy just asking God
because that's what you and he are doing together,
not God, what do you want me to do?
And I better hear you in order to get it right.
My goodness, that's coming at it from the perspective
that you and God are separated
and he's just this taskmaster instructing something to you
and you better make sure to hear him right.
And then let alone have the courage to do it,
but I'm sure that you would.
The majority of it is just like,
we're just afraid that we're gonna,
that we're just not gonna hear him.
But that's approaching it from this expectation
that I have a hard time hearing God
or God and me aren't that close.
God and I aren't that close.
And an English major should never say God and me.
God and I aren't that close.
I just like horrified myself.
So, but God and I aren't that close
or having, whenever you approach God about a decision,
you approach it from this perspective
of all of the times in which you tried to hear from God,
but didn't, and you so very badly hope
that this isn't one of those situations again.
We're approaching every,
we have a tendency to approach everything
from the foundation or the root
that there's a problem between God and us
and that we can't hear him or that there's whatever.
And we, what instead what we need to do
is we always need to approach it from this perspective,
from this expectation, from this joy,
from this perspective of a child who runs up to his dad
while he's in the middle of something,
juts up in his lap,
knowing that he's always gonna be loved and accepted.
And we have to approach it from that way
because then God's like,
now you're declaring and claiming me
to be who I've told you that I am.
So therefore that's how I will show up
because that is who you're agreeing with me that I am.
I've been telling you, I am that,
but I can't show up for you like that
until you claim me to be how I've told you
that I'm going to be.
Then you get to benefit from me being it
because it's, you've given me permission
to be myself in your life.
So anyway, so that.
very important to approach it from that perspective, to approach those decisions,
those questions with him of like, Hey God, which doctor do we pick? Or, you know, this doctor said
this, is that right? Or should we get a second opinion? You know, and that's obviously for those
things, you know, that you're questioning of like, well, I don't really know, you know,
you know, how do we, how do we go through all of this? You're already asking God,
ask God though now from this perspective of X in this expectation that this is you and God
living life together. Okay. God, this is you and me. You are living, having an earthly experience
through me as a woman, my age. And then this is how you are now experiencing life. And I'm
experiencing life in this physical form in your spirit and my spirit are connected in the, in
the spirit realm. And we're simply projecting that into a different form. I think that I mentioned
maybe that, uh, that what it is that we're doing here on earth is we're taking, you know,
something that already exists in spirit, who it is that we are in spirit. And we're simply putting
it into a different form. So say for instance, like if, if, uh, like water is, can appear as
vapor as liquid or as ice. And so if it's vapors think for instance, spirit and everything that
already exists in spirit in order to change its form, all we're doing is we just slow down the
water mall. It slowed down the molecules so that they become more of a liquid form and slow them
down even further where they're hardly moving. And that, that, that gives us the form of ice,
but we're not changing it from water to orange juice. We're simply taking that which already
exists and we're simply portraying it or expressing it in a different form. That's what you and the
Lord are doing all day. Every day is taking who you already are in your relationship with him.
What that looks like currently in the spirit and you were projecting it into a physical form,
but you're not making up something new. You're simply taking who it is that you already are.
And you're learning how to project that into, into a different form, taking it from,
from water vapor and turning it into an ice cube or whatever. Jesus showed us that as an example,
when it says that word was made flesh, the word was made flesh. God already existed.
Jesus already existed as word. He just put himself into a physical form and he expressed the,
he expressed God in a very literally into a different realm. He translated it from Greek
into English. That's the same kind of a thing. You turning from water vapor to ice,
turning from Greek to English, you're taking something that already existed and you're just
shifting the form in which expresses itself. That is what you're doing all day, every day,
not accomplishing something. You're not going somewhere. You're not, there's not some
destination that you're getting, that you're getting to your existence is all about existence.
Meaning like in the heavens, you know, in the fact that you exist, not your honor,
but that you exist because we're going to, we were going to exist even after we die.
You know, the fact that you exist, the whole point is the development of your relationship.
So the development of your relationship is going on in your spirit. The physical is simply
expressing and putting into a visible form that which already exists. My point in, in like
driving that home is you have got to come from the perspective that you're already victorious.
You already are the thing. You're not trying to become it and trying to work really hard
to turn into something or to become this. I don't know how to word that, but to become better
or to become more of a Christian or something like that. You've already developed, you're already
developing this relationship with God in which you're coming to just know each other better.
And you're never going to get to the end of it. You're never going to arrive anywhere
because God who's infinite, he's ever expanding. So you're never going to get to the end of them.
So there's no destination that he has in mind. He's like, let's just continue to relate. Let's
just continue to you be affected by me and I be affected by you. And then you'd be affected by me.
And then I'd be affected by you. And then we develop an intimacy, a closeness. We develop,
we get to know each other better. We change. And as we change, we change in how we interact.
And then how do we want to just put that on display so that other people can see God,
so that other people can see what you and God look like together. That is the purpose of you
creating a business. Of you picking the husband that you did, of you having the children that
you do, of you creating the home life that you have. It's putting on display who are you and
God together and how are you.
How are you bringing something that's in the spirit and making it into a physical reality?
So the pressure is off of this whole thing of like, I'm supposed to accomplish something.
I'm supposed to figure something out. I'm supposed to get somewhere. The focus is the
development of the relationship, release, and then enjoy the development of the relationship.
How do you know I want to express ourselves today? How long should we exercise? What should we do?
Lord, what foods do you and I want to eat? And I don't mean this is a burden, like you're
constantly asking God these specific questions. I'm talking about a heart posture towards the
Lord. Who are you and I together? What is it that we want to do? Where is it that we want to go?
Um, what, uh, what aspect of create of, of creation of rules that you created of how
Western medicine works or naturopathy works or, or, you know, which particular doctors that you've,
that you've given background instruction in a heart and spirit for me.
What's the pet, what do we want to be part of? What do, what aspects of all of that do we want
to partner with us to be part of the journey of what this, this healing journey looks like
in the physical form. So, because we know that in your spirit, you're perfectly healed.
So, but there's this challenge and there's this attack in the physical. So how do you express
who it is that you are in the spirit together? So that that has a, um, uh, has a stronger voice
presentation and an expression than the attack that's coming against you. How do you and the
Lord move, um, bring more of the spirit that you are in heaven into the earth. Uh, so anyway,
I say all of that to say, to, to kind of paint this picture of how I can say, we're God calls
us to relieve ourselves of everything that we are holding ourselves accountable for and believes that
he is holding us accountable for. He created us for the development of the relationship.
So we got it. He put us on this earth to simply show it in physical form.
And one of the things that we're doing, and I'll only mention this as a side note, not to like
kind of get us off track or, or add confusion or anything, but the, our create a creation
is that, you know, according to Romans eight, you remember what I, we were talking about in Romans
seven, that says the law is holy and dah, dah, dah. And, and, but when we interact with it,
it brings forth death within us. But remember it says it, Paul makes it very clear. He said,
it brings forth death within you, but the law itself is holy and does not cause something
like it doesn't create sin or it doesn't create death or it doesn't create something like that.
But it's saying it, there's something in us that dies when we interact with the law.
That's what he was saying is he said, it doesn't make the law bad. And the law didn't kill you.
It's our, when something within us, when we interact with the law, it then dies. So that's
why he could say the law is holy. But anyway, it moves on into Romans eight. And it says, of course,
in Romans eight one, there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Because of course he was just talking about the law and sin and dah, dah, dah. So he's transitioning
now. And now he, and I recommend that, that after we get off of this, or, you know, whenever you
have a chance tonight to read this, to read, you can read Romans seven, if you want, but definitely
100% read Romans eight. That's where all the, that's where all of the hope is and all the
explanation of what on earth are we doing here on this earth. And what it says that we're doing is,
it says we're here to release creation from frustration because all of creation is groaning
in anticipation of the manifestation of the sons of God. What that means is that all of creation is
waiting until the sons of God put themselves on display. In other words, express who it is that
they already are in the spirit, finally into physical form. Remember the word was made flesh.
The sons of God are called to manifest just like Jesus did. And so it says that when they,
when it does that, it's going to release creation from frustration. And Paul says,
including our own bodies. And in fact, he says that it was for the redemption of our body.
It doesn't even say for our soul. And he doesn't even say for our flesh. He says very specifically
for our body flesh, meaning both soul and body. That's what the flesh is, is both soul and body.
But it says that for the redemption of our bodies is the hope for which we were saved.
Your body itself is coming under attack. It's subjected to frustration. There is,
there's aspects in Jesus was.
Born into the same body that we are.
It is, it's a flesh that is subject to corruption, subject to death, meaning
that it is subject to attacks coming against it to try to destroy it,
where it feels it's victimized.
And God wants us to bring the message to the whole earth, including our own, our
own soul and our own body that we are not our soul and our body, and that we're
actually spirit, that we are in relationship with God, that we're one
with God, and therefore we don't have to feel, we can be released from this
sense of frustration, meaning like not a frustration as unlike I want, just
frustrated, it's frustration is like this stifling, you know, this, um, this
coming against this oppression where there, where it's in, where, uh, where
creation is in bondage, that's what that frustration means.
It's subjected, uh, not of its own free will into bondage.
And, um, and we're called to put, when we show that no, we're not our bodies,
we're not our soul, we're actually our spirit.
I am a son of God, and I'm going to manifest myself.
I'm going to put who God and I are on to display that changes everything.
And it, and our souls and our bodies go through this journey where they begin
to come into more of a, more of a realization that, oh, you mean that I
don't have to sit, I'm not weaker than my attacks that are coming against me.
I don't have to succumb to the laws of nature, which currently are subjected to
death and everything, you know, the law of entropy, everything's going, you
know, towards, towards death, et cetera.
That's the, that's the, the law of entropy didn't exist until the fall
that everything is slowly going towards, um, towards slowing down and just
destruction and breaking apart and whatever that, that didn't happen until
the second law of second law of thermodynamics is what I was trying to
say, didn't come into existence until the fall.
Um, but anyway, and that's what Adam, you know, introduced and
Jesus had victory over that.
And he said, that's no longer the case.
It no longer is subject to it, but it has to know that it's not, and
it has to choose that it's not.
And so it's this whole process that we go through and there's so much, especially
about physical healing that I know all this to be true and God says it in black
and white, it says, but the redemption of our bodies, the hope for which we were
saved, and yet I even struggle sometimes with my, um, with my body believing me
when I command it to get over a headache.
Sometimes it obeys me and sometimes it doesn't.
And then I have to go to Tylenol.
So, I mean, I'm talking about a headache and I'm not talking about, you know, for,
for me that I interact and that's not, it's not, you know, and I'm not even
talking about cancer, you know, and trying to combat that.
So when I'm talking about are not things that I fully have experienced.
I'm telling you though, what the Bible has said, I do not have a personal
experience of my body having to have, um, uh, you know, uh, having a diagnosis of
cancer and then, and then me having to tell my body, no, that isn't true.
And having it overcome and I do not, I'm not telling you all this by experience.
I am telling you now I have talked to my body about other things, but other like
physical things and it's, and it's healed.
Um, but then there are, and then actually the Lord told me several years ago that,
um, I was, I was on the verge of cancer.
And, um, that the doctors hadn't found it yet.
And he needed me to go on this like healing journey in order to revert it.
And so I'm telling you what I couldn't work fast enough, you know, terrified me.
And, and so I believe that the Lord did revert it, but understand I didn't get a
black and white diagnosis where I could be threatened with just with, um, something
I don't know that, you know, I had to go to doctor's visits about and whatever.
So I say all this to say that to be very real with you, what I'm expressing is what
it is that I know and believe to be true.
And here's where it is in scripture.
This is what I, what it looks to me like it's saying and what I live by, but
understand I am on a particular aspect of my journey where I have overcome to an
extent that can, but compared to like other diagnoses, it's, it's like the, it
feels like a very tiny extent.
I have not overcome to that extent experientially that Jesus did.
And so my point is that it's possible and that God calls
each of us to our own journey.
There are other aspects of my life that I have had to overcome, you know, physical.
diagnoses has not been one of them. There have been other things, but Jesus overcame his body.
Remember that, I mean, you know, the corruption of his body so that it transformed into spirit.
Remember that the body that he came back with when he was resurrected, that's a spiritual body.
That's why it wasn't subject to the laws of nature and it can move through walls and it
could translate and whatever, but it was still a body and it functioned like a real body because
he could eat and that's what he did. In fact, he used that as proof to the disciples. I'm real. I'm
not a spirit. That's not a body. I will eat in front of you to prove it. Give me something to
eat. And so he ate it in order to prove it to him. He also showed them the wounds in his hands and
the wound in his side to prove to them it's the same body that I died in. It's not even kind of
like, oh, well, Hey, this is the, this is another human body that I have. And it kind of looks like
the other one, but if this one's fully spirit and it's not the same thing, no, it's the same thing,
but it was no longer subject to death. It was no longer subject to corruption.
So God proves that that is that that's possible because he actually lived it. He already did what
he's inviting us to do. It doesn't mean that the journey is easy and that anyone, including myself
understands how to do it. All I'm telling you is that this is what God said. And this is what he
did. He said, follow me. And that's what he did. So we're supposed to follow him in that.
So it's a journey of how to do that. So I'm just telling you the extent to which God says that all
of this is true. It's extreme and there's no conditions on it. There's no. And he says,
I want you to believe me this much, but again, the whole, so that's what it is that we're doing
here on earth is we're overcoming the fact that, um, that our flesh thinks it's subject to
corruption, but remember that that is not why we were created. We were not created to overcome
the flesh. Why? Because we were created as you know, in Adam, we were created perfect, you know,
before the fall, we were created perfect. He hadn't sent, there was no flesh to overcome.
So apparently that wasn't the point we were created. Then though, after the fall, now there's
this thing that we now have to deal with, but that's not why you were created. So there's not
some like purpose that you, that God is holding against you and accountable for to, to do in order
to fulfill your purpose of your existence, your pur- so you can relieve yourself of all that
pressure. Your focus is supposed to be on the development of the relationship, but in the
development of the relationship, God says it has so much power that all of this will, will, um,
will, that you'll free, um, you can free your soul and your body and the rest of creation from
frustration as a domino effect of the fact that you are a son of God in relationship with me.
So develop that relationship, that son of God connection, that union. That's why in the
rest intensive, the very first thing I talk about is union and love, because if we do not get those
two things, we can't shift into rest because that is the place of rest. The fact that if we're loved
by God, it means that we, and if we choose that we are, then we'll feel safe enough to fall into
him. And it's in him that is the place of union. And that place of union is rest. So that's where
everything always goes back to. Um, and that's the place from which everything else gets its
domino effect is from choosing that we are 100% unconditionally unified with God because of his
love anyway. So that's why we focus on it. And then, but that's just where we start. Then I
show people, okay, like, and you walk everyone through, okay, because that's there where,
you know, where do we go from there, but the other stuff won't help and we can't get it.
And we, that none of it will help us shift into rest. If we can't get the other two things,
because the other two things are the place of rest. The union of thought is the place of rest
and an amount of place that we it's because we're unified with him that we experience, um, that,
that kind of like that bond with him, that thing that bonds us to him is his love, you know? So
anyway, it's the root of all of that. In fact, um, the next, uh, teaching session that we do
is going to be about the two trees. It's going to be about the tree of life, the knowledge of good
and evil, but, um, but anyway, um, so I know I talked a lot, but a lot of times what I do is
I'll just get started. And then I just go and I talk a lot in order to paint a big overall picture
to create a context for sometimes some of the other things that I say, because it's such a
drastically different way of approaching life.
we can't reconcile it to the old perspective.
We can't take pieces of the old perspective
and pieces of the new and somehow get into to work together.
It's in a manner of speaking,
completely rejecting the old perspective
and without being able to get it to reconcile
because we can't get it to reconcile
and choosing what did God actually say.
And so sometimes they have to paint
like a very big overall picture of like, okay,
here's kind of like the foundation
of everything that's going on.
But anyway, what are your thoughts?
No, I think it, I have a couple of questions.
I know it's three o'clock though.
So I don't know if I should ask them tonight.
Yeah, I'm fine for another 15, 20 minutes if you are.
Okay, so much of that is what I feel like
God has been showing me the last eight years.
And so it's just like, this is just confirmation
and like deeper knowledge.
Yeah.
And so the one question I do have is like,
my spirit is healed.
And the question is, does,
and I think I haven't got a confirmation in my soul
to believe this, that does God want me, my flesh healed?
Like, I wonder if he does want me healed
or his will for some greater purpose is that I'm sick
and that brings others to Christ.
You know, like a lot of people,
because a lot of people's experience,
don't experience healing, they believe,
oh, it wasn't his will.
Yeah, yeah, correct.
The problem with that is that, you know,
that kind of thinking is that everybody else
is more important to God than me.
You know, it's just not true.
Yeah.
But here's the other thing, the thing about that.
And I know that this is really, really hard.
I actually had a transformation session
with somebody else last night that was,
went really, really deep into things.
And so I'll tell you the same thing,
but in your own, in the way that you need to hear it,
that I told them, the things, so this is a,
like I say, the things that I say
may not always feel like feel good,
but they're the things that get the result.
This is really, truly what God is asking of us.
And here's the thing, that we,
ultimately what God wants is,
he wants us to choose him above everything.
And we understand that in theory,
but that means that we have to choose him
over our life looking any different than it currently does,
or that our lifestyle is any particular way,
meaning that we have to choose God over our healing.
And the reason, and it doesn't mean that we won't be healed.
That's not the thing.
The problem is what we, if we,
if we don't choose God over our healing,
it means that we are prioritizing our healing
over him in our life.
So what we, all we have to do
is we have to shift the priority.
Not that the other is not important to us.
And the only way that we can do that
is to let this go and give it to the Lord
in such a way where we release God of the obligation
and of being accountable to us for healing us.
Doesn't mean that we don't still want him to heal us.
No, we don't ask him and that he won't.
It doesn't mean any of those things.
It means that we stop taking this thing
and holding it before him in accusation
of why is he doing this?
Why is it taking so long?
You know, why isn't it done yet?
And we, and it's the accusation that's in there
that is creating resistance.
And there's another word I'm looking for,
but anyway, that's creating resistance between us and God.
And it's his spirit that needs to heal.
So we have to stop resisting that spirit from flowing.
So we have to stop the accusation.
Remember that's what Satan's called, the accuser.
And so that's what we're called to not do.
And so we have to be very drastic in everything.
And I'm telling you that, no,
I didn't have a healing thing that I was,
that I was presenting to the Lord,
but I literally had everything gone and my,
and so this is my own experience.
I'm not comparing them.
I'm telling you, I hit what felt like to me, rock bottom.
And that was that I had all of my businesses.
were on the rocks and on the rocks, all of my businesses were not successful.
And I had been trying for, I don't know, 10 months by then, something like that.
Um, all of my relationships that were most important to me, um, including
with my parents were on the rocks.
And then, um, my, uh, and then I had, uh, had no money.
I was literally having to trust God for food and no one knew.
So it's like, I had nothing and I felt like, I didn't know how I could, I
mean, how I could, I don't know, there, there was no future.
That's what I'm trying to say.
There wasn't anything of the current to hold on to.
And there definitely wasn't any future.
So I told the Lord, I said, Lord, I choose you over my lifestyle.
My life, my life can look like this.
If you want for the rest of my life, I have no idea how it gets
right like this for the rest of my life, but you know, especially without
food or, you know, whatever that I choose you over, over a lifestyle.
I just ask that you be who you are into my life, no matter what
that makes my life look like.
And when, and I, and I told the Lord, I said, Lord, I know, I know that that
means that, that, that, what that looked like in Jesus's life, that you were
your goodness and you were your love to the nth degree in his life.
And I saw what happened to him.
Not only, you know, this, the, the, the struggle that he had in his ministry,
I'm not always being accepted and being rejected and da da da da, but also
including by like family and friends and people who knew him, but also the end of
his life, I saw Lord, how that turned out.
And, but, um, so anyway, I was like, but God, I ask that you be who you are.
And I don't know who that is.
I asked you that you be who it is that you are, and then that you manifest
that physically into my life, meaning that my life can look like however you
want, as long as it's a manifestation of your goodness and your love.
And I saw what that looked like into Jesus's life.
That's all that.
That's what I asked God.
So in other words, I just, in my own way, I'm not comparing our
circumstances, situations, and experiences.
I'm saying at that spiritual level where I had to get down to a root of how much
of myself am I willing to let go of?
I let go of as much as I had to hold on to, you know, at that time, as much as I
had, and I just let go of all of it.
And I just said, God, I choose you over me.
And I'm telling you what, literally not figuratively, literally that was the,
that's the focal point on which everything else pivots is that question.
Is that ultimate faith in the Lord?
God, I choose you.
And I don't even know who that is.
And that's, that is the ultimate ask of God in our faith that we choose who he
is before we know who that is, because so often we'll choose, okay, well, I can
choose God's good because that's a, that's a nice thing.
I can choose that God's righteous because you know, that's a nice thing.
We like those anchors, but what about choosing that?
Well, we will receive God.
Like say for instance, he's coming towards us, you know, actually choosing
God, I choose with myself, giving up everything, no longer requiring anything
of you, I choose to fully receive whatever it is that's coming at me and
coming into me and how it affects me.
And I don't even know what that is yet, but I'll receive it.
I mean, I can receive, you know, you've told me some things, Lord, your goodness,
et cetera, but I'll receive it.
Even if that comes in as comfort or if that comes in as pain or if that comes
in, cause I don't know how it's going to do it's that ultimate giving in.
All of that sounds good.
As we're sitting here talking, it is dadgum hard because we're literally
giving up every we're literally giving up everything that we have fought so
hard to hold on to in survival mode.
Everything we're talking to spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically,
whatever the ultimate in its degree, everything about our life, what feels
like our existence, and we literally give it all up in order to choose him.
We're not choosing to trust God with our circumstances or trust God in this.
We are literally giving it all up, like exposing it to whatever could happen.
And we, and we don't even know what it is.
We're choosing it.
We know we're choosing God, but who is he?
Yeah.
We have vague ideas.
Oh yeah.
He says he's good.
He says, yeah, but what does that really mean?
And what does that really look like?
And then what will that make my life look like?
What will I then have to deal with?
What consequences is that going to bring?
We choose that over this.
And literally that is the thing on which everything else will shift.
So, and someone was asking me the other day, so actually what about like decisions?
Like now I have to go and I have to make decisions about things and, you know.
So you're telling me all of this and I need to love the Lord, you know,
believe that he loves me and be unified, you know, and all of that.
So I get that.
But while, you know, I think there were there, they didn't word it like this,
but I think they were kind of thinking, okay, well, I'm working on that right now.
Well, how do I deal with this stuff that's coming at me?
And right now it's all of these decisions.
What do I do with that?
And I just told them, I said, you have to choose that you were more important
to God than what you decide to do.
You are more important than your decisions, either.
You're more important to him than getting it right.
You're more important to him than whether or not you believe them.
You're more important to him right now than whether or not you have faith and
you're more important to him than whether or not you choose him because he chose
you and loved you and provided for you to be able to, you know, be unified with
when not only were you not choosing him, you were rejecting him to such a point
that your rejection killed him.
He chose you to that degree.
So you are more important than anything that you choose, than anything that you
decide, than anything that you do, than any action that you end up, you know,
you know, acting on anything, you know, that you say, and whether or not you are
more important, you yourself are more important to him than whether or not you
believe him and whether or not you have faith and you're more important to him
than whether or not you choose him.
And you have to release yourself into that.
You you've got nothing to give him, not even getting to choose him.
And in that place of nothing, you were chosen and you currently are and you're
safe and you can't be moved from it.
Adam could.
And so he did.
And so God's like, okay, God, well, that can't ever happen again.
So when Jesus dies on the cross and they're reunified with me, black Adam was it's in
such a way that even if they make the same decisions again, that Adam did, they
still can't, they can't be separated from me.
Adam could, but they can't now because I've made provision for that.
So nothing can change.
And so now you're just, now you're free.
You're free to choose them or not choose them.
You're free to have faith or not have faith.
You can't, you can't change it.
So, um, you know, you're, you're, you're unified with him.
You know, he loves you unconditionally.
And so all of the pressure of our actions, even of our interaction with and
response to God, the pressure's off.
And what we find is once the pressure's off our natural cells, which is going to
come up in like session four or five or something like that, our natural cells
starts coming to the surface because your default is the new man.
Your default is perfection.
Your default is that you, as the new man, you always love your father because
you're one with him.
That new man is in your spirit and your spirit's one with Christ.
You can't have anything corrupt within him.
So therefore your spirit's not corrupt and you're perfect.
It says in James that he, who was for he, who was born of God, it
is impossible for him to sin.
So your spirit can't sin.
Sure.
Your flesh can, your soul can be an unbelief.
Your body can be an unbelief, but not your spirit.
And your spirit is the one that's unified with God.
That can't ever be separated from God.
That's never sinned.
It's never known sin.
It has no, no grid for it.
So that's the place that you can rest in.
And that's the place that, that you get to operate naturally out of.
It's your natural self that you will find yourself being when you stop doing the
things that aren't natural to you, which is resistance against God, which is not
believing him, which is whatever.
As soon as you let those things that aren't natural for you, that you picked
up, you had to pick them up in order to do them, by the way, that's not natural to
you.
Sin is not natural for a son of God.
He has to pick up something that's very unlike him.
And he had to actually do it in order for it to happen because it's not his natural
state.
It's very hard for someone or for a being or for an animal or for a whatever to do
anything.
That's not natural.
So.
Sin isn't natural for you.
It's not a natural part of you that you have to fight.
That's bogus.
It's not natural for you.
So you're under no obligation to keep it, to keep it going.
Just let the thing go.
It's not natural.
So anyway, my point is the more that you let all these things go, the more the
naturalness of who it is that you are just starts coming out.
You start acting like a son of God.
You start believing him because you're, you simply stopped not believing him.
You didn't.
learn to believe him. You stopped not believing him because that's what was unnatural.
So anyway, um, but so that's why I was saying, God's not, no, God's not worried.
If you don't feel that obligation to love him or, or sorry, you stop feeling obligated to love him
and you stop trying to love him and you stop trying to have faith and you stop trying, you
stop putting exertion into it. He's not worried that you won't do it because your default state
is to do it. It's the trying that's not natural, naturalness. And you'll naturally be it. You
naturally love the Lord. You naturally have faith. You naturally can hear him. It's the belief that
you aren't those things that makes life so hard, right? Your soul believes that that's who it is
that you are, or your body believes that's who it is that you are. And you have to choose
willfully intentionally. Nope. That's not true. You ha it's almost like a part of you that you
have to come out of disagreement, come out of agreement with, and you have to choose to come
into agreement with a different part of you as weird as that. You have to choose that. No,
you're actually spirit. You're not what your soul is deciding. Your soul is deciding whether or not
it's going to agree with your spirit, but who, but that is your, that place in which you're making a
decision is not who you are. I know that sounds very weird. You're not the aspect of you. That's
making the decision spirit. That's already made its decision that already lives a particular way.
We've we've come under deception that our aspect of ourselves is that gateway. That's trying to
determine whether our soul and our body is going to be in union with an agreement with our identity.
And we can't identify with the gateway. We have to identify with the thing that's already made the
decision. So that's okay. Okay. It does. Yes, it does. Okay. Oh, I have a lot to chew on. Holy
moly. Well, you'll have this recording. I always like people to know, Hey, look, you know, you
don't have to be memorizing everything I say. You just need to absorb it. You need to just allow
your spirit and your soul and your body to listen, ask the Lord about it. You know, you don't have to
believe anything I say. I just tell you people what it is that I believe in what it is. I live
and they talk about it. So, because living vicariously through my beliefs and my faith
isn't going to help anybody. It has to be you and your Lord have to own it together. So so anyway,
that I just try to get to invite it. People try to think their way into it. They won't get it.
They have to just be it. They have to just stop thinking about it and just start being who it is
that they are. That is going to shift everything into rest. I was just talking to somebody else
about it who couldn't get it for the life of them. Oh, in fact, it was Alana. She posted in
there recently. She said, I trust she posted in the rest intensive to tell everybody, you know,
on her, on her video, you know, that, you know, I tried to think it and it didn't work. I finally
just had to stop trying to figure it out and stop trying to understand, stop trying to reckon,
trying to figure out how it all reconciled. I just had to receive, did God say that or not?
And if he did just let it be. And then all of a sudden it happened. And I, and I understood
because like that, the things of the spirit can only be understood by the spirit. I just had to
let it go. And then I got it. Yeah. So anyway, but you'll, but we'll have this recording in your,
in your page on rest intensive members under my website, because yeah, because after November,
you know, when y'all are no longer in the Facebook group, you still have lifetime access
to all that other stuff, including these transformation sessions. So all that's
recorded and it's going to be in your page. You know, when you're logged into my website,
you can go to that page and that's where you can always access this. Okay. Okay. Great. All right.
Well, thanks so much, Ashley. You're welcome. I hope you have a good day. It was good to
you too. I'll see you tonight. Okay. Bye.